#he deserves better than to have his angst given to dracula!! rude

[potatoobsessed999]

Still having emotions about Renfield in today’s entry...

“Can't you hear me, man? Can't you understand? Will you never learn? Don't you know that I am sane and earnest now; that I am no lunatic in a mad fit, but a sane man fighting for his soul? Oh, hear me! hear me! Let me go! let me go! let me go!”

I just - the absolute nightmare of having something vital to communicate, and communicating it, and yet not being believed... becoming more and more desperate as you fail and go on failing, because it is like there is a glass wall between your mind and the mind of the other person, and you can see how close you are, how simple it should be to reach them, but no matter how hard you beat your fists against the barrier you cannot break through. And then for your desperation to be taken as a sign that you should not be believed - !

No wonder Renfield took refuge in scorning Van Helsing as a fool when he visited; no wonder he tried to return to his previous worship of Dracula, to persuade himself that stealing life from others was morally acceptable, to stop caring who got hurt in the process. No wonder he didn’t want to talk about souls. If you absolutely cannot believe that something is any less than monstrous, and you absolutely cannot prevent yourself from enabling it to happen... then what in the wide world are you to do?