#he been trough a lot this poor dude

[cryptidcalling]

Some more stuff about clone Wren because! He’s on my mind! Please read tags for trigger warnings. 

-He’s not the same as canon Wren or Hill, he’s a third entity. He’s got all of Wren’s kindness and love for nature, as well as his craving for attention and contact. However, he is much much more cautious and careful than canon Wren. He’s learned the art of being kind yet vague, and is very nervous to get close to people or let them get close to him. 

-Only Haywood genuinely believes he’s a clone. Seph still believes their original theory about Wren when they first met him. 

-To put in in short, they thought he was delusional. Not ‘delusional’ like as an expression, but literally experiencing a delusion. They assumed something happened to him that was severely traumatic that caused his mind to warp reality in order to cope. However, as Wren began to trust them more and show them more evidence and explain himself, Haywood believed him and Seph did not. Seph thinks his mind made up this entire clone story. He even showed her the code on his hip, but it didn’t convince her. Her main theory is that Hill was kidnapped for some form of human trafficking, which is why they put the code on him. The ‘company’ (called GenMile) that would take him back and kill him is the captors he’s running from, and he’s a ‘clone’ because if he doesn’t think he’s Weston Hill then he doesn’t have to go back to his old life and responsibilities, and he doesn’t have to return to the place he was kidnapped from. 

-I want to make it very clear that this is NOT TRUE. In his AU, Weston Hill is dead, and Wren IS a clone of him. It’s just important to know, I think, because it affects how Seph treats Wren in this AU.

-She’s much more delicate with him in this AU than in canon. She’s very careful when correcting him on certain things, or trying to remind him of things. She’s trying to give him healthy doses of reality without contradicting his version of reality.

-Stemming from that; both Haywood and Seph treat Wren like his own person, no matter what they think is true. Wren is Wren, and he’s clearly very happy here living the way he is. From what they’ve heard about Hill, he was not a happy man. Neither of them want to take this life and this happiness away from him. 

-Clone Wren is an expert in the field of wilderness survival, as well as just knowing how to make it on his own homeless. Hill died at age 32, and Wren’s current age is 36. He spent 2 of his 4 free years homeless in the wilderness. He didn’t have to, he still has a lot of money in cash that he withdrew from Hill’s accounts before leaving. However, that money is for emergencies only. He mostly used to for airplane tickets, survival supplies, and food in desperate times. His desire to live isolated and homeless was not because of a lack of money, but instead to stay safe and isolated. He didn’t want to be seen, he didn’t want to be recognized, he didn’t want to be caught.

-That was a very good thing in the end. A lot of people were searching for him for a very long time. Because they have records that Hill’s money was used to buy a plane ticket, thus meaning whoever was involved crossed state lines, the FBI got involved with the case. Not only that, but GenMile was in a panic trying to hunt him down and recapture him. Not only is human cloning not regulated, approved, or ethical and legal, but a faulty clone could ruin their reputation even in the black market world of business. 

-Because of this, Wren was quite distrustful and afraid of standard breed police dogs for a long time. German Shepherds, Doberman Pincers, Rottweilers, and Bloodhounds all terrified him. Thankfully, with the help of Haywood and Captain this fear has gone down tremendously, although not entirely for dogs that aren’t Captain. And any dog that has a police vest is still very scary for him. 

-The closest he would get to civilization while he was homeless was in the winter. He would hop around a lot, sometimes camping out in abandoned buildings, sometimes staying at homeless shelters, sometimes renting a room at a motel, but he never stayed in one place for more than a week at a time. 

-Clone Wren doesn’t live in an RV like canon Wren. He lives in the same spot, but he instead lives in a tent. An RV is a vehicle, vehicles need to be registered, registering a vehicle would create a paper trail. Tents, space heaters, and batteries can be paid for no questions in cash. He still stays with Haywood in the winter. 

[gamergirl-niffler]

Technologically Challenged

Woderful @charted-uncharted​ Gave me idea about Sam having some problems with the new world after being pulled out from the prison.

I hope you like it, friend!

BIG THANKS to my best girl @martakasravi​ for playing the reader ♥

Sam didn't like fact that Rafe pulled him out from the prison. It's not that he didn't want to be free, but he knew that Adler basically meant a huge troubles.

Drake walked out trough the main gate and saw Adler with some woman, Sam wasn't sure what to think about this all.

"Ah! Look at that, Y/N. The Avery expert. Sam Drake, in flesh. Alive and well," Rafe said with nasty smile of his, placing hand on Sam's shoulder. "I hope they treated you well?"

Sam took the duffle bag off his shoulder. He wanted to puch Rafe right in the face but he simply couldn't. "Yea, they did."

"I'm glad, but now," Rafe said and looked at you, gesturing at Sam. "This is Samuel. Samuel, this is Y/N. She will take care of you."

Sam raised his eyebrow. "I am not that sexually deprivated to grab whatever girl you brought along, Rafe," he said looking at you with a frown.

Rafe only laughed. "My dear friend, the world has changed. She will make sure that you can understand it. I don't really have time for teaching and babysitting you."

You furrowed your brows at other man's comment; it wasn't that you didn't try to understand him but he behaved like a total jerk. "Well, even if Rafe would have paid me, I wouldn't ride your cock, buddy," you smirked at him coldly, tilting your head a little. "I suggest you to be a little less unkind. We're about to team up after all."

After these words you tugged slightly on Rafe's sleeve. "Can we have a minute?"

As two of you walked aside for a moment, you put hands to your hips. "So, you're saying I have to take care of this dude? Like, are you kidding me, Rafe? Do I look like a desperate? When you've called me saying you need a hand I thought about something else. I'm not a babysitter," you growled quietly.

"You are one from now on, babe," Rafe hummed and took a look at his phone before returning his attention to you fully. "Samuel is a nice guy, he is just a little bit lost. I told you what happened thirteen years ago. I bet he was expecting to see his little brother, not us," he said with a soft laugh. "Once you two get to the hotel, he will be nicer," Rafe patted your are and looked at Sam. "Ready to go?"

Sam only nodded.

You didn't reply to Rafe's words. Briefly glancing on Sam, you got into the car and waited for men to join you.

------------------

As the car stopped in front of the hotel, you patted Rafe's knee. "Wish me luck."

Rafe didn't reply to your words, he looked at Sam in the mirror. "Don't hurt her."

Sam rolled his eyes and get out of the car, taking the bag with him.

The hotel was for sure fucking expensive, it was Rafe afterall. He would never book a cheap hotel.

Sam looked at the high building and then looked down on his old clothes. "I hope they will let me in. I look like homeles," he sighed, looking at you.

You were observing how Rafe's car vanished in the distance. Then your attention went fully to Drake. "Well, you kinda do. All you need right now is hit shower and some rest," you summed up while patting his shoulder. "C'mon," you tugged on the sleeve of his old jeans shirt.

"I would give out whole world for a bathroom and soft mattress," he muttered and followed you.

Sam could feel the nasty glances on him while you were taking care of the this at the desk. He never really cared what people thought but here, in such a luxerious place, Sam felt judged even by a cleaning lady.

He was more than happy when you informed him you two can go to the room. Spending night in one room with woman he bearly know was going to be odd but at least he wasn't alone.

When you were awaiting for the lift, you handed him an entrance card to the room. "Here. I'll ride on the floor with you but you'll need to get to the room first as I have one more thing to do. I promise I won't be long," you told him and smirked when the lift opened its door for you. "After you."

Sam stopped right in front of the door and looked at you. "Well, I may be a stupid prisoner but even I know the door won't open without a key," Sam smiled playing with card between his fingers. "I could use that but this would be illegal.'

You got off the lift and looked at the man, tilting your head slightly. In the first moment you didn't get his point but when you finally did, you bursted in laughter. "Oh, God! Drake! I mean, I'm sorry! I should have let you know what to do! Hotels are not using traditional keys to room nowadays. They use magnetic cards, like the one you're holding right now," you informed while walking to him. "All you need to do is place the card in a scanner, like this," you took the card out of man's palm and slipped it into the device next to the door. The lock clicked and the door opened.

Sam blinked, looking at the door. "Oh... Pfff! I knew that! I was just playing, ya know, using some of my charm to make you smile," he winked at took the card from you, marching into the room proudly. He felt stupid. IN FORNT OF A WOMAN!

Throwing bag on the floor, Sam flopped on the first bed, nuzzling to soft pillows. "This is something," he muttered lowly, relaxing. "I better go take a shower before I fell asleep here, in this poor state. I hope showers still work the same."

"You don't need the card to get into the shower though," you chuckled and closed the door behind you. "So, bathroom is on the left, balcony on the right. I have to leave you alone for a while. Just remember that if you want to use electricity, the card needs to be put here, in this little device," you pointed on the wall right next to the main door. "Go take a shower and I'll be right back," you smiled at him a little before leaving the room.

Sam listened to you and nodded. "Understood, ma'am!," He saluted before going to the batroom.

The shower was a blessing. The privacy and warm water was something he missed for thirteen years! No reason to be afraid of all those "soap in the shower" jokes anymore.

After wasing off all the dirt, Sam used the hotel towel to dry himself and wrap it around his hips.

Suddenly, the door opened and you stepped into the room, holding few aper bags in hands. You closed the door with your leg and gasped, placing bags on the desk located near the bathroom door. "So!...," You were cut off by the sight of naked man with nothing but a white towel wrapped around his hips. You blushed a little but kept straight face. "I brought you few things. You need to try them on. I don't know your size, and taking fact you're pretty tall I'm afraid some of them might not fit well," you informed him. "Take a look."

"Oh... I was hoping these are takeouts," he sighed dissapointed and nodded. "Just give me a moment."

Sam went to the bathroom and left it few minutes later, fully dressed. "Okay, let's see how weird people like to dress up those days," he joked and looked into one of the bags.

He found there a nice, silky suit, a pair of jeans, two belts, few t-shirts and two spots of classic shirts, one black and one white.

He looked at you. "Ya know? I will take pants and t-shirts, all the rest is not really my thing," Sam repacked all bags, he put new clothes into his guffle bag. "Just... I have no money. Unless people now pay with credits like in Star Wars?"

You reached your purse and pulled the wallet out. You looked for a moment and handled h a gold credit card. "Your PIN is 6978, don't forget it."

"I remember the weirdest facts from history. PIN ain't a problem for me," he said taking the card. "Let me guess. It's hooked up to Rafe's fortune, huh?"

"Of course it's, my little bee," you told him. "He decided to spoil you a little so be glad and use as much as you can."

"So... Maybe I should get myself a nice bike, leather jacket, sunglasses, and drive off in the direction of setting sun," Sam joked.

"This credit card belongs to you now. You can buy and do whatever you want. Remember only that all of your actions will have consequences," you shrugged and sat on the edge of king-sized bed.

"It wouldn't really be my first time when the consequences bite me in the ass," he shrugged and sat next to you. "So? I am waiting at your lesson. What else changed in the world?"

"Here," you said while pulling something out of your jacket pocket.

It was nothing else but a newest iPhone.

"This is your new phone. All the necessary contacts are already added."

"And...," Sam sighed rubbing his face. He felt so lost. Being guided by a woman was kinda emberassing. "Okay, Y/N. Can you help me? I know it must be pathetic for me to not understand these stuff, but you know."

"It's normal taking you've been to prison for years," you told him. "First, you need to know what you operate on this phone only by using fingers, no matter how oddly it sounds, haha," you chuckled. "You need to put your finger here," you took his hands in your and guided it, "this is a finger scanner. It will unlock the phone for you."

Sam listened to you, nodding his head and following your instructions. After a moment he smiled at you. "Okay! I think I get it."

"I hope you do, oldie," you patted his back and got up from your place. "If you'll have any questions, you can always call me. I'm in your contacts under name Starlet," you chuckled.

"Wait, Y/N. I have a lot of questions. Don't leave me like this," he said, looking at you. "What if I lock myself in this room?"

"I need to go and order some food," you told him. "And you're a big boy. You'll survive for 10 minutes alone."

Sam nodded slowly, watching you leave. He was hungry but also tired. Out of the boredom, Sam pulled out the phone you gave him and started to play with it to check what else he could do with it.

When you came back, Sam was asleep on his bed. Phone was laying right next to him. Apperently he fell asleep watching gameplay from Tomb Raider on YouTube.

You closed the door after getting into the room. As you spotted him napping on the bed, you put boxes with chicken and rice on the desk and walked to the bed. You grabbed the phone in your hands and chuckled quietly seeing a video containing some adventure game gameplay that was still on. You exited the application and locked the phone, placing in on a nightstand. You clicked your high heels off. Then, you sneaked into his bed as you were tired as well. You put head to the second pillow and fell asleep.

[stxleslyds]

Part 2 of my Under the Red Hood Review

Hello! Here I am again with part two of this review, if you want to read the first part I will link it here!

Let’s continue!

Chapter eight gives us a look into the past, to when Jason was stealing the batmobile’s tires, to one of the first times Jason went out as Robin with Batman and everything was wonderful…then one of the scenes from the past show a Jason that may come off as a bit more aggressive on the job, it’s also shown that he does agree that the level of aggression was unnecessary but that the criminal deserved it anyway.

I know that sometimes people get the impression that Jason was an angry and extremely aggressive Robin, which is not correct, he was a sweetheart (and I am referring to Post-Crisis Jason because that’s what is in continuity in this story) just like Dick (he had forty years of being a sweetheart too, Marv Wolfman misses me with that angsty and angry shit) but I think what’s important here is the fact that Jason saw things differently from Bruce and that does not make him a bad Robin, it makes him a Robin with different experiences and as a human being he is allowed to change his views, also let’s be honest, hormones are a bitch so emotions are at an all-time high so he is bound to change. This does not mean that his death was his fault, Jason felt lost and wanted a mother and he made some decisions but Bruce was the adult and he should have paid more attention to him and his behavior so in this house the only ones to blame for Jason’s death will always be the Joker and Batman.  

Rant over.

Back to the issue we see Bruce, who has been doing tests and analyzing the coffin that Jason was supposedly buried in for hours, he is a whole ass mess but at some point in time he reaches a verdict…There was never a body in the coffin.

In chapter nine we meet Davis McCullen and Alfie Tisner who have a sort of meth lab in Black Mask or Red Hood’s territory, they don’t really know, and they also have a friend that is selling drugs to kids so yeah…they are in big trouble.

As I read I expect Hood to kind of appear out of thin air and kill them but that doesn’t happen, Batman is the one that comes crashing through a window and tells them that if they don’t pack their things and move they are dead because there is a wall full of C4 (that Jason implanted), Batman wastes no time and gets to work on disarming the bomb as he does that Jason makes himself known (trough a microphone) and tells the Bat that there is no way he can do it and that he better run too. Bruce says that the building is empty and there is no reason for him to blow it up which Jason is aware of and then suggests that Batman knows how much good it does to put a little fear into people and…boom.

Look at this little shit.

We soon find out that the building belonged to Black Mask, and that is not the only thing that Hood wants off the map, he is shown blowing up one of Masks trucks that is full of weapons. Here we also learn a bit more about his modus operandi, he never steals drugs or weapons for himself, he just destroys them and while they were expecting that behavior in what Hood deemed his territory, he is now doing it everywhere. We also find out that before he was trying to get Mask’s people to work for him but now he just kills them.

He is, however, taking his cut from wherever he can, so maybe he is building his own empire and his move as of now is eliminating the competition. This theory is proven true when Jason in all his glory and with a bazooka shoots Mask’s office floor.

Mask is pissed off and as he is screaming into the wind an angel answers his call…Deathstroke is here and he wants to play. This is not pleasing for Hood or Batman.  

Slade is working with the Society and Mask wants Hood “Serious dead. Head on a pike, guts on the pavement, me wearing a sweater vest made of his skin kind of dead.” So, Slade sends people to take care of the job.

Mask isn’t pleased though, apparently Captain Nazi (???), Hyena and an unknown third party aren’t enough for him but Slade assures him that they will get the job done, no worries.

The attack on Hood comes when some men are trying to send a “message” to him and here is where weirdo one and two bamboozle our boy.

The fight that ensues is good but is overshadowed by what Alfred says behind the scene, he talks about how Jason as Robin told him that Batman and the legend of what he could do didn’t necessarily scare the “dress ups” the way that it scared the street thugs, so as a consequence they were more dangerous, Alfred true to himself tried to explain that the dress ups probably believe different things about Batman but Jason told him something that shocked him, he said “They all know he won’t kill them.” Which is true, you, me and Alfred know it.

As Alfred continues “talking” the fight welcomes a new player, Batman. He narrates the fight and realizes that they need to team up which comes naturally to them both, in a second they are in synch just like they used to back in the cave all those years ago. As the fight is coming to an end the third party arrives…yep Count Vertigo is here, the fight doesn’t last long though, because there is adrenaline and hyenas and scents the fight is over in no time (I am not explaining that fight, it’s so weird). Captain Nazi is the only casualty and Batman isn’t happy but just like Jason I am okay with it, if he had to kill one of them let it be the Nazi.

Jason obviously leaves and taunts the Bat once more.

Alfred ends the monologue by saying that Jason never understood that it wasn’t Batman’s strength or stealth that scared his adversaries but his resolve.  

So, Batman makes a dramatic promise, “Time for this to end.” dun dun duuuuun

Chapter eleven part one opens with Alfred telling us about one of his and Bruce’s hobbies, they used to collect first editions of books and it soon became a tradition that Alfred then shared with both Dick and Jason…so when he finds a package for him and B that says “Just two to add to the pile. Cheers – Jason” Alfred immediately contacts Bruce.

Back to Black Mask, he apparently decided to set up a meeting with his right-hand men, they think that they are there to evaluate the idea of making a deal with Red Hood so he stops messing up their business and they are right! It’s just that the deal was made between Mask and Hood and it consisted in them being killed off.

 “Are you happy?” Roman asks.

“Getting there” Hood answers.

Back with Alfred we are able to see what is in the package. In it there is a lock of green hair with tissue included so yeah, now they know that Jason has the Joker, and he was nice enough to give them an address.

Once again with Mask and Hood well, let me tell you if Hood is just “getting there” then Mask is just not happy. They get into an argument, a big one, Mask says that killing all his right-hand men should be sufficient but Hood says it isn’t. It goes on for a while and Mask loses his marbles completely, apparently he put everything on the line for the deal but Hood really doesn’t give a fuck. A fist connects with Hood’s face and a fight ensues, while they do that they also yell at each other about the proper way of running the underworld, the fear factor, who is prettier, who is the best gangster and who looks better in biker clothing…you know, the important stuff.

I am not undermining the fight, believe me but it’s just that they talk, punch and throw each other across the room a lot. Sacrifice and what they are willing to do for Gotham or better said what they are willing to do TO Gotham are the last things they discuss.

Just as the end of the fight comes, we once again have Alfred talking in the background about the time Jason died and the time Bruce’s parents died and how different the two instances are, Bruce was a little boy and defenseless when his parents died but when Jason died he had everything, the training, gadgets and abilities the only thing that he lacked was time.

And as it turns out that’s about to happen once more…Batman is going to arrive to the place where Jason and Mask are going at it just in time to see Jason drop dead on the floor.

Don’t worry friends Jason isn’t dead (again) it’s just a random dude with a mustache and Mask is pissed about it, what’s new?

Jason is actually with the Joker, and by “with the Joker” I mean being annoyed by the Joker…he is ranting on and on about how he killed him, how good things come in threes like Batman, Robin and himself. At some point Joker decides that the sensible thing to do next is compare Jason still letting him live with Batman’s no killing rule and then to make matters worse compare Jason’s actions as Red Hood with his own.

I absolutely LOVE Jason in this moment, I swear seeing Joker’s smile fade away brings me joy, he tells him exactly what he doesn’t want to hear. Jason isn’t like the Bat he won’t stay and play his game; this man right here just scared the Joker and nobody can’t tell me otherwise.

Back to Batman, he is trying his best to shake Mask off but the man keeps questioning if he knows who the Red Hood is and why did he let him operate in such a brutal way for so long (and affecting his business, poor thing so sad). Batman basically tells him to stop playing victim, he thinks that Mask crossed a line that someone really didn’t want crossed and that at the end of the day he is just another gagster…which is exactly what Hood had said moments ago trough the helmet to Black Mask, in a moment of great intelligence Mask deduces that maybe Batman actually knows exactly who Hood is.

Batman of course doesn’t answer because he thinks he is slick but the cat is out of the bag. Among the ruble of the helmet that just exploded (yeah the helmet had a built in bomb, that detonated after Mask unmasked the mustache man) Batman finds a message from Hood, a place and “you know where”.

The east end, Crime Alley. That’s where Jason takes him because it’s “fitting”, after all it’s the place where they first met.

Jason tells Batman that the Joker is in the building next to them and that he has it wired to blow it up, so Batman being his stupid self says that he won’t let him kill the Joker (come on Jason why do you want to kill the nice clown man, he is such a sweetheart).

The fight between those two is about to start when the scene changes. An attack, a living bomb called Chemo is being dropped (by the Society) in Bludhaven, Nightwing’s city. And Batman has a front row seat to see the show.

Yep, it’s not a good time to make snarky comments Jason; as far as both of them know Dick Grayson is dead. And the emotion in Batman’s face is heartbreaking, we as the readers have seen impossible situations, characters surviving shit that they wouldn’t in real life but characters within comics don’t know that… so, Bruce just saw another one of his sons die. (Dick is alive though, don’t worry)

Now, Jason has been a little shit during the whole story, but do not think for a moment that the situation somehow brings any form of positive emotion within him, what happens is that he sees an emotionally compromised Batman and well, will there ever be a better chance to manipulate him into feeling even worse?

…If Batman leaves, the Joker dies. So, first choice for the Bat, either he goes to what’s left of Bludhaven and searches for Dick or he stays and doesn’t let Jason kill the Joker.

Batman chooses to fight, and once again they start the same dance but this time B has upgraded his gadgets (you will never catch him wearing the same thing twice! Shame on you!) Jason teases him a little bit about the cape and B burns his jacket…

Batman has a whole speech about how Jason won’t be able to save Gotham or be better than him…that he knows that he failed him and is trying not to do it again. But Jason says that the failure he talks about isn’t really were his problem lies.

There we have it. And I would like to ask the same thing, why is the Joker still alive? Would it actually be so bad if he were beaten to death by someone’s bare hands? (Check out Joker: Last Laugh #6 (January, 2002) for a surprise)  

But that’s not the point, Jason is mad because he doesn’t understand and he feels betrayed, if the mad man kills a fifteen-year-old and then continues to kill and you as Batman aren’t willing to break the cycle of:  1) Joker escapes Arkham 2) Joker does something evil 3) Batman fights and captures him 4) Batman sends the Joker to Arkham 4) Arkham is already corrupt and lets him out after a while or he corrupts/kills a few people into letting him out, then what kind of man are you?

Batman obviously has an answer as to why he hasn’t killed Joker yet. He doesn’t do it because it will be too easy and not only that but he has thought about it…not just killing him but torturing him BUT! he won’t. He can’t really, you see, If he does it once maybe he will never stop (there he goes, the man with a resolve of steel) if he walks the dark path once he will walk it forever. Basically, Batman has zero willpower and zero control…my dude no one believes you!!!! Jason doesn’t either but he does have something to say.

Heartbreaking, that’s the only thing I have to say about these panels, these are panels that have always stuck with me. If you want this conversation to reach a whole new level of emotion I suggest you watch Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010) it’s an animated movie and Jason Todd is voiced by Jensen Ackles (who plays Dean Winchester in Supernatural) which is probably the best casting ever, Jensen is excellent at showing emotion with his voice. I totally know that probably all of you have seen the movie but it’s so good that I really think it’s worth watching again.

It doesn’t matter how emotional it’s for us, Batman can’t and won’t kill him, not even when Jason slides him a gun…so here comes the second time Batman has to make a choice

And he does, well, he uses a batarang to slice Jason’s throat making him let go off the Joker. Jason falls to the floor, a pool of blood around him. As that happens Joker grabs the gun and aims for the dynamite left there (remember that the building was set to go off) and shoots. BOOM!

And that’s the end. All three of them survive although Batman didn’t know that Jason was going to survive, I mean can he actually tell the future or…maybe I am missing something.

And yes, that was the end, I understand that to some it’s just a shitty ending and I don’t blame you…but to me it’s genius.  

It ends with Batman betraying Jason. They don’t make up, Batman doesn’t try to come to an understanding with him, he just makes a choice, he would rather save the Joker before killing or letting Jason kill him, which is bullshit my friends because Jason has been killing this whole story and B has been aware of it.

Jason appears later in Nightwing issue #118 (May, 2006) to #122 (September, 2006) as Nightwing and with tentacles. Don’t worry, you don’t have to read that. After that he appears here and there but personally, I really didn’t catch up with him up until Batman: Battle for the Cowl.

 Anyway, I am going to end it here, I hope whoever takes the time to read this enjoys it, see you around!

[nemo1230]

Delayed flights and delayed romances

Eddie was exhausted. Suddenly being hit with tons of memories about huge part of his life that had been wiped out of this mind for 27 years, reconnecting with people that had once meant the world to him, and killing a psychopathic killer clown with said people, wasn't the easiest process mentally and physically, nor was being impaled trough the stomach and bleeding out an extreme amount of blood.

So yeah, Eddie was exhausted. It has been a month of being in intense medical care, constantly being surrounded by doctors, the white of hospital walls and the extreme sterile atmosphere. Eddie was pretty sure the smell of medicine had already soaked into his pores, since that's all he could smell these days.

Usually it was fine, being enclosed within hospital walls wasn't anything unfamiliar for him yet sometimes he knew that the shortness of breath, tears that blurred his vision and the panic rising in his mind had nothing to do with his newfound wounds. He wasn't a stranger to panic attacks. He had had them for most of his life, but only now, finally piecing together the missing parts, he understood the roots of them. Finally, after so many years of constantly feeling lost and empty, like something was always missing, but never quite being able to grasp what exactly it was, he could find the explanation to so many things in his life.

For instance, now he knew why he was married to a woman that was the exact replica of his mother. He now understood why he went such extreme lengths worrying about his health. Now, he knew why there always was an empty, hollow space in his heart that he never seemed to be able to fill no matter how hard he tried. At some point he even stopped trying. He just simply let go, continuing to live on with this void, deciding that maybe, he just simply was this way, that there really wasn't any hope for him. That he was meant to lead a meaningless, insignificant life. Also, he now understood why he never in his life felt any real attraction to his wife, nor any other woman for that matter.

But now he knew. In the heat of the moment, there hadn't been much time to entrain that thought, but spending a month in a hospital really did give a lot of time to think. Especially, spending that time with Richie. Richie, trough it all, had stayed with him. The rest of the losers, after a lot of convincing had left to continue their lives. Still, it included a lot of Skype calls multiple times a day.

Yet Richie had stayed. Richie, with his stupid jokes and weird antics that Eddie still rolled his eyes at yet couldn't stop the chuckle that usually escaped him. Richie and his stupid Hawaiian shirts that he still seemed to wear despite it being 27 years passed, Richie and his face that's still as handsome as Eddie remembers it being when they were kids. And Richie and his worried, caring and desperate expression that he sometimes caught having while watching Eddie, when he taught he wasn't looking. But Eddie was always looking. He hadn't been able to take his eyes away from him, if he had to be honest.

Which he found himself doing being while sitting next to Richie in an airport, in New York, waiting for Richie's flight to LA. Once Eddie was discharged from the hospital, Richie had insisted on coming with Eddie to New York to help him. Eddie had said that he's not a baby, and he can do shit by himself, Richie had said he knows that, but he still wants to help, to which Eddie had replied that he already has helped plenty, to which Richie then had loudly said that maybe he just wants to spend more time with Eddie. And that had shut Eddie right up. And that settled it.

Richie had helped Eddie get to his home, patiently waiting outside when Eddie had gone into his house, feeling like he was willingly accepting a death sentence, to tell Myra that he wants a divorce, calmed him down in the car, and then offered Eddie to just come with him to LA. Eddie had said that he needs to think about it.

He did need to think about it indeed, because even though he had finally accepted that he was, in fact, desperately in love with Richie, he didn't want to just throw himself in this whole relationship thing. First, he had to finalize his divorce, because even though his wife was just his childhood trauma making him subconsciously seek out the very same things that had hurt him in the first place as well a result of years of trying to repress his sexuality, by law she still was his wife, so any romantic intercourses with other people would still be cheating. Then, he would probably need to find a job. And a therapist.

And also there always was the slight chance that he was reading this whole thing wrong and Richie really was just being a good friend and his actions held no romantic intent. Oh lord, Eddie really hoped that wasn't the case.

But yeah, anyway. Eddie was exhausted. He was ready to fall into a bed and sleep for days, even though that's pretty much all he's done this past month.

Richie's flights boarding was supposed to start in about 10 minutes when trough the speaker they heard a monotone voice announcing that flight number 232 Air LA to Los Angeles International airport from New York JFK, is delayed by 5 hours.

"For fucks sake, really?!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Yeah, now Eddie was exhausted and pissed. Five fucking hours? Well, technically, it wasn't his flight, he could leave any time he wanted, but well, the thing was, he didn't. He promised Richie to see him off, and he was determined to keep his promise. He didn't really know why to be fair, Richie wouldn't be angry, he even tried to convince Eddie to go home, or rather the small temporary apartment that he had rented, to rest, but he had refused. Something held him back. Something told him to stay, so he did.

They had fallen into silence after the first hour, both tired and perhaps, for the first time, they were in new territory. A still, simple moment between just the two of them, with nothing to hold them back, besides their own fears. Of course, they had been alone together plenty this last month but never really like this. Before, there always was something bigger standing in the way. Returning to Derry, Pennywise, in the hospital, Eddie’s horrible state, going to New York, Eddie's nerves about having to talk to Myra. But now? Nothing stood between them, except the obstacles they put there themselves.

They were sitting side by side, knees touching and that for some stupid reason made Eddie’s cheeks heat. What, was he in high school? Jesus.

Richie was looking at something in his phone and Eddie was reading a newspaper. Not actually reading though, because he really couldn't concentrate with Richie being this close.

The atmosphere was strained and stiff. It was like there was something both of them wanted to say, but the words were trapped between them, never being able to move forward.

He was used to feeling tense around Myra all the time, but back then, it didn't matter. It didn't matter that there were things left unsaid, it didn't matter that he, while marrying his wife, had wondered what it was like to hold another man's hand.

But now it did matter. At least to him. And a small voice inside of him told him that it did to Richie as well.

Overcome with sudden recklessness, he decided that maybe he actually could say something.   He cleared his throat. Okay. He could do this. Richie won't judge you. He might laugh a bit, but then it's fine, you can write it off as joke. It's fine.

"Richie..." He started, but my found himself unable to continue.

"Mm?" Richie mumbled, not looking away from his phone.

Maybe that's better, that he's not looking at me, Eddie thought. Eye contact always makes everything way more real.

"I.. I am, would you, that it is to say, well-"

"Dude, is Bill's stutter now contagious? Just spit it out." Richie had now paused the game he was playing and was locking his phone and finally looking at Eddie.

Eddie swallowed and mentally cursed himself. He was a 40 year old man, perfectly fine with delivering bad news to people, he was a risk analyst for god's sake, yet here he was, stuttering and not being able to even word the things he wanted to say properly. Richie was now raising an eyebrow at him, question in his eyes. "Wanna go fuck around in the shops? I'm bored out of my god dammed mind." For fucks sake.

Richie snorted, "That's what got you stuttering so hard? Eds, you secretly have a phobia of shops that you want to overcome or something? Because you have come to the right man, my dear fellow, I will show you the deep dark depths that those poor airport shops carry." He exclaimed, getting up from the uncomfortable, squeaky airport chair and taking his only luggage - quite old looking vans backpack.

Eddie shook his head, partly at Richie's theatrics and partly at himself. He could have just said something. But then again, at least, now, if Richie really hadn't been desperately in love with him since their childhood, or at least since meeting again in Derry, then they wouldn't have to spend 4 more hours in an awkward silence, or worse, Richie being accepting of him, yet gently turning him down and saying he loves him as a friend. That would be the end of Eddie Kaspbrack.

They walked through every possible shop the airport had where they were allowed to go, Richie picking up every weird object and making a stupid joke about it. Eddie joined in too.

When, 2 hours later they exited the last shop, each carrying a few bags of completely useless items, Eddie found himself panicking again. They had 2 more hours now. Perhaps he should stick to his initial plan, which is keep his mouth shut. Maybe it was better this way. And he had already made a mental list of all the benefits that would bring. His sanity however, was not one of them.

"Wanna grab something to eat, spaghetti man?" Richie's voice interrupted Eddie's inner struggles.

"Fuck you, asshole, I swear to god if you keep calling me that-"

"Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti-"

"SHUT UP!"

They kept bickering as they reached a nearby McDonald's. While Eddie could cite reason by reason why eating there was bad for your health, he was rather hungry, and well, to be fair, a burger did sound quite good just then, after a month of eating incredibly flavorless hospital food that tasted more like cardboard than anything, really.

He ordered a BigMac and even with Richie's teasing about the irony of the word 'big' and whatnot, it was worth it, since he at least finally could actually taste the food after thinking that his taste buds really had died.

They ended up spending there almost 2 hours and would have spent more if it weren't for the security guard that had thrown them out after they had starting throwing fries at each other and Richie accidently hitting another costumer. Eddie hadn't had this much fun since their childhood.

As Eddie finished wiping his tears from laughing too much, he checked his phone for the time and his eyes widened as he realized Richie's flight was supposed to take off in 20 minutes.

"Shit, Richie your flight, we gotta run!" He exclaimed, grabbing Richie's shoulder and shaking him.

Richie cursed as well and they stared running to Richie's boarding place, bumping into other people and laughing like teenagers once again, at their reactions.

With a little searching they found Richie's terminal soon enough and suddenly were faced with the fact that they had to separate.

Richie leaned down and put his arms around Eddie, hugging him tight. Eddie immediately wrapped his own arms around Richie, placing his head on his shoulder.

This was it then. Richie was leaving and it was fine, Eddie was perfectly fine with that. He already had made up his mind, earlier that was very foolish of him to even think of confessing and ruining everything they had rebuilt in the past month from the ashes that the missed years had created.

Richie took a deep breath and then let Eddie go. "Bye, then, Eds." he said, and perhaps Eddie would have heard the sadness tainting his voice, if he hadn't been so desperately trying to convince himself and he is, in fact, fine with all of this, and no, he does not want to go with Richie to LA. Why would you think that? Absurd.

"Bye, Rich." Eddie forced a smile and watched as Richie stepped backwards, still looking Eddie in the eyes, as if waiting for Eddie to say something else. What was there to say? There really wasn't. Nothing at all.

Finally, reaching the lady who checks boarding passes he nodded at Eddie one last time, before turning around and taking out his ticket and passport.

Eddie stood there, frozen, his mind blank. Something wasn't right. Something was missing. He felt like he was standing on an edge, the way forward was foreign. The way back was familiar, fell walked in but it didn't feel right. Yes, he had been on this road all his life, yes he was existing but.. it didn't feel like...

Richie was putting his backpack on the security gates, putting his phone down.

"Attention passengers on Air LA flight 232 to Los Angeles. This is the final boarding call. All passangers, please proceed to gate 3 immediatelly. Boarding will end in approximately 15 minutes time. I repeat. This is the final boarding call, boarding will end in 15 minutes. Thank you. "

There was no way. No fucking way.

Richie was on his way to take back his backpack.

For fucks sake. There goes Eddie's well crafted, perfectly structured plan right out of the window.

He took a step forward, leaving behind the world he had known for 27 years, letting it crumble to pieces.

He took a step into the unknown, felt the blood rush in his veins, ringing in his ears.

... It didn't feel like he had been truly alive. And dear god and all heavens above, he wanted to live.

"Richie!" He screamed on the top of his lungs, making several heads of other passengers turn in his direction.

Richie, startled, turned back. "Eddie?" As he saw Eddie running in his direction, he rushed towards him as well.

Somewhere in the distance the security could be heard saying 'sir your what about your luggage’, but none of them heard.

They met in the middle, stopping only inches apart from each other, looking into each other’s eyes, both holding a deep desperation that maybe, finally, none of them could write off as anything else than what it actually was.

"I've got to say something to you," Eddie breathed, voice a bit shaky, his hands trembled and he had trouble deciding where exactly to put them.

"I think I've got something to say to you as well, but you can start." Richie replied; his voice held the very same breathlessness as Eddie.

"I.. Fuck! I'm in love you, have been since our fucking childhood, and I actually do want to go to LA with you." He finally rushed out in one breath, heart beating right out of his chest.

Eddie could see the exact moment when the words his Richie like cold water. His eyes widened, and while he perhaps, already had expected Eddie to say something along those lines, actually hearing them out loud shook him down to the very core.

"Looks like your mom and I will have to call it quits because I am too far gone for her son," Eddie rolled his eyes, Richie didn't pay any mind and continued, "I am in love with you too, Eds. And have been since our childhood as well. Well look at us, two dumbass, we could have had this-"

"Richie, I'd love to talk about this literally any another time, but right now you've got a flight that's leaving in approximately 9 minutes, so can I please kiss the shit out of you, so you can get on the plane?" Eddie interrupted Richie hurriedly.

Richie didn't seem to mind as he exclaimed rather loudly, "Oh god, fuck yes, of course you can."

Eddie immediately threw himself at Richie, smashing their lips together. Eddie seemed to have lost any self control by the entrance of the airport, as he kissed hard, not holding back whatsoever. Richie put his hands around Eddie's neck, pulling him closer, while Eddie put his around his waist, doing just the same.

Thread by thread fell apart any hesitation between them; they kissed with burning passion, breaking down all and every degrees of separation between them, years’ worth of longing clearly doing their part.

They recurrently pulled apart and panted into each others mouths, foreheads pressed tightly together. Eddie felt like maybe he had actually died and gone to heaven or something.

As Eddie willed to calm his emotions, which were going off charts at the moment, he stepped back slightly, to look Richie in the eyes. He took his face in his hands and smiled as he saw that Richie seemed to be on the same level of being absolutely wrecked, as he was.

As Eddie was about to open his mouth, to remind Richie to get in the fucking plane finally, Richie, as if reading his mind rushed to say, "Maybe I could stay? And we would fly together later? It's not like I've got anything important waiting for me there." He bit his lip, and looked at Eddie with pleading eyes.

As much as Eddie would have wanted that, he knew he had to have some time to actually get his shit together and he didn't want to put all that on Richie's shoulders. He wanted to get back on track on his own. Just with Richie by his side. Eddie smiled a small smile and signed, "Rich, you gotta go. You've already got a ticket, and I need to sort some shit out here as well. But don't you dare to worry; as soon as everything's done you bet your ass I'm going to be on the first plane over to you."

Richie looked like he wanted to argue, but then signed as well and nodded. “We better talk on the phone every single day, because fuck, if I don't hear your voice, I might go insane."

"Of course. I think it’s the same for me.” Eddie then pecked Richie on the lips and then pushed him forward, "Now go! This flight already got delayed enough; don't want to wait for the next one."

Richie stepped back and pecked Eddie multiple times until Eddie pushed him again and said a very warning "Richie".

Richie then finally made his way back inside the terminal, where a very intrigued security guard and the ticket check out lady were sitting, and upon noticing Richie returning, quickly pretended to not have seen the very dramatic love confession just now.

However, Eddie did see the small smile and wink that the lady directed at him, and he, now for tor the first time, thought about the fact that two dudes had just made out in the middle of the airport, and nobody had even really paid much mind to it. It filled him with incredibly euphoric feeling and he smiled back at the lady and then watched as Richie very hurriedly took his stuff and after blowing Eddie one last kiss, ran to his plane.

A little later, while sitting in a taxi back to his apartment, he got a text from Richie - 'made it to the plane. Missing u already xxx' and then a second one - 'cant wait to see ur dick ;)'

Eddie smiled to himself. Finally, after years in the darkness, he could see a bright future ahead of him. He couldn't wait to get to it. 

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

Bitch Boss || J.HS

Pairing : Jung Hoseok X Reader

Genre :  Fluff, tad bit of Angst?

Summary : " Second thing you need to know? My name is Jung Hoseok, and you're mine."

Wordcount: 1.7k

[ A/N: Lmao guys, here I am. Stress writing while I could also be studying. But no. My shit ass just had to stress write for no valuable reason. Anyway, I had this idea with Hobi in a gang au for like two years already and here it finally is. Also, I didn't check my spelling lmao. Enjoy!]

The man in front of you seemed to think the same, because he gulped before chickening out.

You glared at the man in front of you. Hard. Very hard, in fact if glares could kill, the man in front of you would be lying dead on the floor.

" I'll just-" His voice cracked.

He swallowed before clearing it.

" My friend will talk to you." He said before leaving.

You rolled your eyes before going to inspect your nails.

It's been four hours.

Four hours since this rookie gang had caught you. You were pretty sure that you would have no problem getting out of here.

A new man entered the room while you were more intrested in your nails.

" So, princess. There's only a few things you'll need to know. First of all, you're not leaving this place. Ever. Or my side to be more specific." The man smiled.

Way too angelic you decided as you looked up from your nails.

Not leaving his side?

" Second thing you need to know? My name is Jung Hoseok, and you're mine."

-

It's been a few days since you've been living with Hoseok, and so far, so good.

Apparently he was part of Bangtan, one of the most feared gangs in South Korea, and he did not know that you were trained to be an assassin. He tough you were an ordinary girl with a big mouth.

" C' mhere." Hoseok opened his arms in expectations of you running into them.

You raised your brow at him, once again inspecting your nails.

" What is it with you and your nails? Want a manicure or something?" He asked.

You snorted.

" You don't understand women at all do you?" You asked sharply.

" Oh shit, are you on your period? What do you want me to do? I can get you chocolates and stuff. Maybe a heat pack?-"

" Let me go." You asked, more like stated as an order.

The shine in his eyes left, and his smile faded into a thin line.

" No." 

" That's what's wrong with you, Hoseok. Not me. You canmot keep a woman here and expect her to love you." You stated.

You would use your assassin skills, but you couldn't. No matter what happened, the most you would do is knock someone out.

The reason why you haven't full up attacked Hoseok yet was because you couldn't kill, you knew that he wouldn't let you go that easily anyway. And because you could see the hurt little boy underneath the layer of guns and bombs. You knew you had to think trough your plan of escaping.

Meanwhile the look in Hoseok's eyes softened.

" I'm sorry..... Come with me." He ordered and turned around.

Once he realized that you were still seated and not planning to get up anytime soon, he turned back to you and walked over, grabbing your hand and pulling you up.

" Where are we going?" You asked him.

" Training."

-

His training of that afternoon turned out to be much easier than you were used to. Apparently he decided that you should learn the basics for when things go south while he isn't around, you didn't complain about it. 

Today he was going to teach you how to use a gun.

A poor choice really.

" No, you're supposed to- Yeah, like that exactly. How did you know I was going to say that?" He asked.

You gulped but shrugged.

" Well, it's loaded already. Tey to hit the target." Hoseok told you.

Your eyes widen.

The thing was loaded?

An extremely poor choice really.

You turned the gun to him, pointing it directly over his heart.

Hoseok's eyes widen as he didn't expect the move.

" Y/N, don't play around with that. " 

Your eyes sharpened and clicked the safety off.

" Y/N, I'm serious-"

You managed to get him to shut him up by turning the gun and hitting the furthest target straight in the bulls eye.

He turned to look at it before turning back to you.

" There's something I haven't been really honest about Hoseok. I'm not as innocent as I look." You smiled coyly before putting the gun down on the table in front of you and walking away.

" Fuck that was sexy." Hoseok said as he watched you walk away.

He grinned to himself before shaking his head.

" Time to redo that background check."

-

It's been a few months since you've been with Jung Hoseok in his mansion. And suprisingly enough, you didn't hate it. In fact, you were slowly falling in love. It pained you when you realized it. It had started with the little moment back in the training session, and then he started letting you go around the property freely, and up till now he started downright spoiling you. You smiled as you tough of him. 

Your little moment was cut short however as the wall beside you exploded.

Literally exploded.

Your ears were ringing as you tried to get up, but your legs were giving up on you.

" There she is, experiment 0572." Someone said.

You were suprised to hear anything trough your ringing ears.

Your suprise was cut short as your eyes sharpened.

Experiment 0572.

The name you were given as assassin.

The name you had before you ran away.

Before Hoseok decided to take you off the shitty three jobs you had and decided that you were his.

The fear of losing of what you had now managed to get you up on your shaking legs, your hands balling at your sides before you threw the first punch.

A poor decision as you were weakened.

-

" Hoseok! We have serious problems!" Jungkook yelled ad he entered his office.

" Can't be more worse than this stupid gun which needs to be fixed." Hoseok grumbled back.

" It's about Y/N." Jungkook breathed.

Hoseok stopped with what he was doing and turned his full attention to the younger.

" She's taken from your house. I don't know all the details. Just that there was an explosion and these weird lookimg dudes were there and- I don't understand any of it. Just watch this, maybe you do." Jungkook said, slamming a sd cards onto his desk.

" It's the security tape from outside. Yoongi hyung's already searching for the van that appeared in the video." Jungkook said as Hoseok nodded, wasting no time and putting the sd card in his laptop.

The wall blew up and you were catapulted backwards. 

Hoseok sucked in a breath at the sight.

He was caught by suprise when he saw you get up.

" There she is, experiment 0572." A man smirked down at your form.

Hoseok looked at his screen in confusion, experiment 0572?

The man smirked at you and something inside you snapped as you threw a lunch at his face, he was quick to react , throwing a punch right on your sleep, effectively knocking you out.

" This is experiment 0572?" One of the other men in the room asked.

" She's stronger than she looks.I've seen it on tape. Now let's move it before whatever sugar daddy she has comes back home." The man who knocked you out said, and another man unceremoniously threw you in the back of the van.

Hoseok felt rage built up inside him by the sight of someone hurting you. He rewound part of the tape, taking a closer look at the logo on his jacket.

He smirked as he got a clear picture of the tiger on the back of the man's vest.

Hsg.

Hsg was a small rising gang, but not for long.

Because they obviously didn't do their homework right.

You might be some kind of expiriment to them, but you are overall Hoseok's.

And they will certainly not get away with taking what is his.

Hoseok smirked as he called Yoongi.

-

You woke up to the sound of screaming, as if someone was suffering.

A sound you hated.

The sight that came with it was a sight you hate just as much.

There's a lot of blood around you, and a few dead bodies.

Not a pretty sight.

Your stomach wad empty, but if you had any food in it, you were pretty sure that it would have been out by now.

" Princess?" You heard a voice call softly from beside you.

Your eyes lighten up in realization.

Hoseok was here.

He had actually come to save you.

You started mumbling trough the gag that was placed in your mouth.

" I know, I know. I got you." He said as he took the gag off you, holding you in his arms.

You started crying with closed eyes, you weren't sure when the last time was that someone held you.

You especially had never experienced the feeling of being held so secure before.

Your eyes opened again as you took sight of the man in doorway, it was the very man who had knocked you out.

Your eyes widened when you realized he was holding a gun in his hand, and it was aimed right at Hoseok's back.

With a shaky breath you took Hoseok's gun from it's holder.

You felt Hoseok still against you.

" Y/N-"

You clicked the safety off and shot the man.

Twice.

One bullet in both shoulders.

You didn't have it in you to kill him, you couldn't do it.

Hoseok pulled away from you, but didn't let you go.

He took the gun from you and shot the man straight in the head.

" I'll always have you. Thank you for having me." He  wishpered in your hair as he pulled you back into an embrace.

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

The End of Year Awards Are Back... and This Time, It’s Personal!

And so we approach the end of 2020, the year that never really began. On paper, at least, it looked incredibly promising. There were lots of great movies slated to come out; culture seemed slightly less paucity-riddled and pointless than usual; good things were in the air. Then COVID happened, and basically fucked everything. Actually, that’s not quite true: my personal year has been fucking spectacular. I’m in a long-term relationship with a gorgeous woman for the first time in forever- no more abrupt trysts and stolen moments for yer humble narrator: I’ve got a sumptuously plus-size lady-friend who actually wants to spend substantial amounts of time me (and has knockers you could sled down, were you so inclined). I also started a Youtube channel where I upload performances of magic tricks I’ve designed and a few people seem to quite like it. Oh, and I’ve written four novels, with a fifth well on its way to completion. Unfortunately, that’s my life, not the life of our civilisation and culture as a whole. The fact that bugger all happened in that makes this end-of-year round-up a little hard to write. With that in mind, I’m going to hand out the gongs for 2020, but I’m also going to do my usual dodge of giving end-of-year awards to things that I discovered in 2020, even if they came out the year, decade or century before. It’s not like any right-minded person gives a hoot about my opinion anyway. Right then, everyone clear on the rules? Then let’s roll up our sleeves and plunge elbow deep into the fetid trough of our decaying society to ferret out the best and worst of the Things That Humans Have Done Recently.

The ‘I Like It Because It Confused Thick People’ Award for Best High-Concept Sci-Fi Movie... … Goes to the sterling Tenet, a spy film that used entropy inversion and symmetric, opposite-direction timelines within the same physical space the way most spy films use hacking and guns. Christopher Nolan films are always intricately constructed and meticulously-executed, but this one must have had Japanese Master Puzzle-Box Makers crying into their breakfast cereal. Is breakfast cereal a thing in Japan? I honestly I have no idea. For some reason, all I can imagine is a sort of dry kedgeree where all the ingredients that aren’t rice have been removed. But I digress. For all its intricacy, Tenet is actually really easy to follow once you’ve grasped the basic premise that there’s a machine that lets people move backwards through time, and that this makes them appear to move in reverse to the rest of the world while they perceive the rest of the world as moving in reverse. Nolan maintains a mastery of cinematic visual language that makes even the most abstruse concept easy to wrap your head around. Nonetheless, following Tenet’s release, dumb people took to the Internet on mass to complain that the film was confusing and stupid, never once realising that their inability to conceptualise time in non-linear ways was their own failing, not Nolan’s. I find that refreshing. It’s nice to see a sci-fi film that’s actually made for smart-cookie sci-fi fans and doesn’t give a hoot if it alienate thickos.

The Award for Most Inexplicably Compelling Web Comic… … Goes to Questionable Content. I originally started reading Questionable Content because I’d heard that the female lead and love interest was a plus size lassie and that shit’s my jam. However, the art style makes everyone look like a skinny indie-type, regardless of their actual, in-universe size, so it doesn’t do much to titillate my Fat Admiring Titillation Centres. And yet, I’m over five hundred ‘episodes’ in and still reading. The thing is, I couldn’t tell you why for the life of me. Maybe it’s the hope that the art style will evolve to the point where the people look like actual human beings with different body types (but then, why would I care unless I was invested for some other reason). Maybe it’s the fact that when I get one of the many, many obscure band or pop culture references, I feel a little buzz of kinship with the writer. Maybe it’s the fact that it takes place in a universe where robots and superheroes are things that regularly happen, yet most of the strips are just normal people chatting shit in a coffee shop and the slice-of-life narrative/sci-fi setting appeals to my sense of juxtaposition. I don’t know, but I find it really compelling to the extent that I’ve pissed away entire days reading it. I have a horrible feeling that it’s a short step from this to really angsty hentai. If I start singing the praises of that, somebody please shoot me in the crotch.

The ‘Forest Gump Debating Peter Andre’ Award For Most Sustained or Elongated Instance of Stupidity… … Goes to Donald Trump. I was tempted just to award this gong to his entire presidency, but that wasn’t just stupid: it was also venal, corrupt, horrifying and punctuated by terrible moments of low cunning. So, instead, this award goes to his ‘soup’ rant. For those of you who missed it, the former President of the United States spent a really, really long time (in the run-up to the election) wittering on about protestors throwing cans of soup at police. What was dumb and weird about it was that he appeared to be extolling the virtues of soup as a siege weapon, going into really specific detail about how it was better than a brick because it could be thrown with more force, finishing with the utterance that protestors would just argue that “this is just soup for my family” if they were caught with the cans… which is phrased wrong in such a subtle and inhuman way it’s hard to imagine that anyone actually ever said it, at least in those words. I have no idea if protestors in America were throwing soup cans at police (which would be entirely justified considering how many innocent people American police have murdered in cold blood quite recently) or if this was a fantasy dreamed up by the former president in the cloudcuckooland that is his diseased little brain. Either way, the connected rant was balls deep in dumb.

The Most Disturbing Unintentional Impression of Vincent Price Award… … Goes to the narrator from One Step Beyond, a Twilight Zone-esque anthology of weirdness that purports to be based on true events and has to be seen to be believed. The stories are oft-disturbing instances of spooky-inflected human drama and can occasionally be quite disconcerting… until they’re book-ended by a dude who sounds like Vincent Price reading a children’s book in a really earnest voice. It’s weird and no, it didn’t hit our screens in Space Year 2020, it dates back to Ye Olden Times of the 1950s or 60s, when men were men, women were women and technincolour was a distant dream that could get you strung up for witchcraft. Nonetheless, I only encountered it this year, so it’s getting its prize. I warned you I was going to pull this shit, but you foolish fools didn’t listen.

The ‘It’s Not Gay If I Don’t Clench’ Award for Cognitive Dissonance… … Goes to Amazon Prime, the content-making branch of evil, tax-dodging, anti-monopoly-law-breaking megalith Amazon. You see, while Big Daddy Amazon is off being incredibly sinister and worrying, like a shifty vampire hanging off the economy’s throat, the creative people at Amazon Prime are busy making or acquiring some of the flat-out best TV ever committed to a streaming-service, from the extra-weird slice of fun-pie that is The Tick, to the entertainingly horrifying cultural dissection of The Boys to the utterly unique Carnival Row, to the superbly adapted American Gods. It’s a bit like discovering that Geoffrey Dahlmer single-handedly created a body of artistic work to rival Vincent Van Gogh’s when he wasn’t pouring acid onto the brains of emotionally vulnerable young adults. It gives me a headache.

The Clint Eastwood Award for Most Effective Older Gentlemen… … Goes to Joe Biden, for unseating dipshit in chief Donald Trump with the casual badassery of a Wild West gunslinger shooting a baddy (probably played by Leonardo Di Caprio) in the balls. I mean, he’s not the best Prez America could ask for but a) as a Brit I don’t have to care and b) anyone who ousts Trump gets mad props from me.

The ‘It’s a Pity Everything Else is Shit Now’ Award for Best New Ongoing Series… … Goes to my own Youtube series, Victor The Magician, in which I claim to be a reality-hopping, interdimensional wizard on an endless quest to… perform magic, basically. I’ll admit that the quality is super-variable (Youtube algorithms and their constant demand for fresh content be a harsh mistress, etc., etc.). However, when I’m good, I’m really good. If you’re looking for a punch-line other than the fact that this whole bit is a self-promoting plug, it’s this: my Youtube series really was the best thing to come out this year. Not because I’m great or anything, just by default. A promising year really did turn into a cultural wasteland the moment COVIDius Rex reared its scaly head.

The Zombie Ian Curtis Award for Most Crushing Disappointment… … Goes to Rick and Morty Series 4. As I think I’ve said before, it was still good, but it just didn’t reach the dizzy heights of nihilistic lunacy achieved in series 1-3. I think the problem is that the audience is meant to learn something from Rick’s poor choices, even if he doesn’t, because the creators saw the amazing success of Bojack Horseman and decided they wanted a slice of that sweet, tangy deconstructionist pie. It worked up to a point in the climax of Series 3, but having made their point, the showrunners probably should have moved onto a different point. They forgot that the appeal of Rick Sanchez is his combination of ‘entertaining car-crash of a human being’ and ‘unstoppable superbeing’. Push him through an arc and you risk breaking the thing that makes him and the show so endlessly watchable. Rick, unlike Bojack, just wasn’t built for heavy introspection. Also, the team hired on new writers who were less than familiar with the characters, setting and subtext, and that’s always an invitation to disaster.

The Special Sir Mixalot Award for Posteriority… ...Goes to… my girlfriend and glamorous assistant, Mystic Miss Terri, who’s arse is gorgeous and majestic.

The ‘Are They STILL Making That?’ Award for a Show You Forgot Existed And is Now Back… … Goes to Supernatural, which never technically went away and whose final series is apparently being broadcast on one of the 4 channels (though who knows which one, any more), It’s kind of nice to realise it’s still out there and be reminded that there are still people who care deeply about what happens to it. It’s like when you remember ‘oh yeah, [insert cute animal here] actually exists and isn’t just an internet meme. That’s nice’. Also, it’s good to see Jared Padelacki working steadily. It can’t be easy to find acting gigs when most producers just want to shoot you and mount your antlers over a fireplace.

The Irritating Magician Award for Something That Just Won’t Fuck Off… ...Goes to this blog entry, which is three pages long in Word. Good grief. Bye y’all! See you next year, assuming that the last few days of 2020 don’t culminate in a civilisation-destroying attack by giant space-ants. If that seems worryingly specific, let’s just say that- as Leonard Cohen would say “I’ve seen the future and, brother, it is murder”… by giant space-ants.

[phantomphangphucker]

Ectober Day 10: Exorcism - Mimicry

Ghosts aren’t that different from demons. And Danny’s got no problem fucking with a priest.

Danny’s sitting, curling his ghostly tail around, on a rooftop building when he spots him. He shows up in an arguably insanely pompous Mustang, the kind with wood side panelling. Danny tilts his head as he watches the car park, at least whoever wasn’t enough of a stick-up-the-ass to double park. The guy stepping out in head to toe black, nearly looking like he’s wearing a dress. At first, Danny figured it was some goth, but sticking his head invisibly through the hotel lobby ceiling -curious about this stranger in his town, his lair- the guy spoke like his car looked; professional but egotistical. Spotting the little white on the guys neck only makes Danny internally groan. Priests. Well, technically only one but still. Though he is a little curious, there had never been one of their types here before. Probably thought ghosts were demons or something.

For whatever reason the guy seems to intimidate Jamey the receptionist, watching as she’s clearly trying to get the guy away from her and is trying not to touch the guy. Which only seems to make priest dude suspicious, intentionally grabbing and holding onto her hand and looking like he’s searching her eyes. Danny floats down closer, invisible of course, at this, in case this guy is legit dangerous and tries to attack her or something.

Thankfully, he lets go and heads to his room with a smile. Jamey shaking herself off after a bit. Danny hangs around the lobby for a bit to make sure she’s fine and priest guy doesn’t come back.

Danny sniffs out the guys' room and promptly puts a SpookSpot, a camera that looks like a little black ghost sticker, to watch priest guys door. And heads back to proper patrolling and enjoying the late afternoon sky.

Two day’s later Danny’s pretty well forgotten about the guy. He just seems to be wandering the town, muttering to himself, and nodding at things. The only real beef Danny had with the guy was that he was creeping people out.

But apparently, the guy was just patient, or spent a lot of time plotting. As Danny comes upon him doing...something? to the Box Ghost of all ghosts. He was seemingly chanting and making erratic hand motions. While the Box Ghost just looks really confused. Eventually, the Box Ghost, seeing a lost cause, shouts, “BEWARE!!!”, and promptly flies off.

The priest looks pleased with himself for whatever reason.

The next day Danny groans at spotting the priest, with a visitors badge, wandering the halls of Casper high, hands clasped behind his back and occasionally nodding at things.

Tucker pokes Danny, “you know, your folks aren’t the weirdest people here anymore”.

Danny sighs, “yeah, guy’s super weird. I think he tried to exorcise Boxy. It was...really sad. Boxy took pity on him”.

Tucker snorts, “that is pretty sad”.

Danny’s ghost sense goes off just as they start heading to class. Danny sighs dramatically, “so much for first period”, Tucker pats him on the back as well slinks off. Never noticing the ever so slightly wide-eyed priest watching.

Danny gets up with a yawn in the morning, struggling into a sweater and ruffling up his hair before heading down for breakfast.

Danny looks around the table, slightly caught off guard. The priest guy, who Danny has figured out was named Jospeh which honestly was a stereotypical as Hell name, is just sitting at the table; letting Jack and Maddie talk ghost at him with a pleasant smile, though it felt rather fake.

Danny shrugs loosely, and goes to make his cereal, “mornin’”.

Maddie smiles, “morning sweetie. This fine man was curious about the ghosts in town, so Jack decided he could stay for tea”, looking to Jospeh, “you’re named Jospeh you said right?”.

“It is”.

Danny sits down with his bowl, nodding at the guy, “mine’s Danny. And if you wanna talk ghosts then yeah, this is the house to do it in”, Danny decides to fuck with the guy a little, “who knows, maybe my dad’ll pull out the portal photo album”.

Jack grins wide, “yes! We should!”, springing up and rushing off.

Jospeh squints ever so slightly at Danny and turns to face him more, “portal?”.

Danny leans back and puts his hands behind his head nonchalantly, “yup, ghosties come and go through it sometimes. Dad fishes trough it”, deciding to be the mild to colossal idiot that he is, “I've come and gone through it here and there”.

Maddie shakes her head, “I remember that time you stumbled out with a knife in your leg. Didn’t you trip in that time?”.

Danny chuckles, ignoring the priests staring, “yup. Dad left some stuff on the floor and you know how clumsy I am”. Maddie giggles at that before going back to drinking her coffee.

Jospeh stares at him a bit before Jack returns with the aforementioned photo album and Jospeh changes to staring at that.

Danny chuckles and fills up a large thermos with coffee and promptly leaves. Only walking for a ways before slinking into an alley, turning invisible and intangible, then going back to the house.

Danny tilts his head Jospeh seemingly convincing his parents to go out hunting extra long and letting Jospeh help house sit so that he can ‘get a feel for ghosts’. His folks were way too easy to trick sometimes. If Danny’s stuck with this stuck up religious nut then he’s gonna mess around, moving closer to make creepy breathing sounds and blow air at the guy; who shivers from the cold temperature, before looking around for the source. Danny facepalms as Jospeh subtly throws salt out in one direction, clearly thinking there’s a ‘demon’ there. Danny absolutely was going to torment this poor prick. He was creeping all his humans out, would probably grow bold enough to interrupt fights, and he was a pompous twat. The last was honestly reason enough.

Danny comes home that night and as soon as he closes the door, Jospeh is staring at him. Danny waves at him, “sup priest boy”, pointing at the guy, “you know you’re creeping out pretty well the whole town? What’s your issue?”.

“Am I now”.

“Yup”.

Joshep squints but takes a sip of tea, “good. The Fenton parents seem to be the only not under demonic influence in this infested town”, Jospeh slowly walks closer to Danny, “but of course you already know that, don’t you demon”.

Danny makes a show of looking overly offended, “me? Some powerful being from another dimension? Why I never”.

“Hell is hardly another dimension, beast”.

Danny chuckles, “well look at you, able to come up with not one but two insulting names to spit like venom”.

Joseph walks closer and pushes a large silver cross into Danny’s chest, “that’s enough from you. Give it up and release the boy who’s body you’ve stolen and this town. You should have known your time was numbered as soon as you saw me”.

Danny rolls his eyes, utterly unaffected, “of a pompous twat who’s so greatly out of his depth? Hardly”

Joshep pushes the cross in hard and glares, “you're using protections, Foul thing. No matter, there’s seals everywhere, you’re trapped”.

Danny chuckles and makes it sound a bit threatening, “sure, whatever you say buddy”. Pushing past the guy to fetch himself some coffee. Pouring it but giving Joshep dramatic side-eye as the guy starts chanting at him.

“Princeps gloriosissime caelestis militiae, sancte Michael Archangele, defende nos in proelio et colluctatione, quae nobis adversus principes et potestates, adversus mundi rectores tenebrarum harum, contra spiritualia nequitiae, in caelestibus“. Danny watching as the guy flips a coin with a cross hollowed out of it and clutches at rosary beads. This guy really was going there wasn’t he? Danny chuckles and smirks, fine, Danny will give this weirdo a damn show.

Joseph continues his chant prayer, “Veni in auxilium hominum, quos Deus creavit inexterminabiles, et ad imaginem similitudinis suae fecit, et a tyrannide diaboli emit pretio magno“.

He holds up and waves around the rosary, making sure the light glints off it. While Danny starts pretending to be in agony but like he’s trying not to show it. As Joshep continues, “Proeliare hodie cum beatorum Angelorum exercitu proelia Domini, sicut pugnasti contra ducem superbiae Luciferum, et angelos eius apostaticos: et non valuerunt, neque locus inventus est eorum amplius in coelo. Sed proiectus est draco ille magnus, serpens antiquus, qui vocatur diabolus et satanas, qui seducit universum orbem; et proiectus est in terram, et angeli eius cum illo missi sunt“.

Danny’s just letting out his fangs and ears at this point, curled up on the ground and pretending to be pissed off at the priest. Who only narrows his eyes with resolute determination, “En antiquus inimicus et homicida vehementer erectus est. Transfiguratus in angelum lucis, cum tota malignorum spirituum caterva late circuit et invadit terram, ut in ea deleat nomen Dei et Christi eius, animasque ad aeternae gloriae coronam destinatas furetur, mactet ac perdat in sempiternum interitum“.

Joshep splashes a container of holy water over Danny, who has to try really hard to not laugh and break character, “Virus nequitiae suae, tamquam flumen immundissimum, draco maleficus transfundit in homines depravatos mente et corruptos corde; spiritum mendacii, impietatis et blasphemiae; halitumque mortiferum luxuriae, vitiorum omnium et iniquitatum“.

Joshep starts aggressively pointing the cross at Danny, “Ecclesiam, Agni immaculati sponsam, faverrimi hostes repleverunt amaritudinibus, inebriarunt absinthio; ad omnia desiderabilia eius impias miserunt manus“.

Danny makes a show off grabbing the guys ankle and letting Joshep shake him off. Though taking amusement in the ever so slight startled waver in his voice, “Ubi sedes beatissimi Petri et Cathedra veritatis ad lucem gentium constituta est, ibi thronum posuerunt abominationis et impietatis suae; ut percusso Pastore, et gregem disperdere valeant“.

Danny starts abortedly duplicating, only letting the duplicate start forming or splitting for seconds before snapping them back. Joshep near bellowing now, “Adesto itaque, Dux invictissime, populo Dei contra irrumpentes spirituales nequitias, et fac victoriam“.

Danny once again has to resist laugh as the guy throws salt at him again, “Te custodem et patronum sancta veneratur Ecclesia; te gloriatur defensore adversus terrestrium et infernorum nefarias potestates; tibi tradidit Dominus animas redemptorum in superna felicitate locandas“.

Danny lets a duplicate form halfway but seemingly attempting to snap back ‘into’ Danny. Catching the slight smile on the priests face, “Deprecare Deum pacis, ut conterat satanam sub pedibus nostris, ne ultra valeat captivos tenere homines, et Ecclesiae nocere“.

Danny lets the duplicate fly out of him and slam into the back wall, letting his originally body collapse and pretend to be unconscious. While Joshep stalks after the duplicate, waving the cross and slashing holy water, “Offer nostras preces in conspectu Altissimi, ut cito anticipent nos misericordiae Domini, et apprehendas draconem, serpentem antiquum, qui est diabolus et satanas, ac ligatum mittas in abyssum, ut non seducat amplius gentes“.

Joshep grins wide at the duplicate, pushing the cross into his face, “I cast away any devout dismay, that child in these Christ blessed arms of mine shall never fall at the hands of hellish beasts”.

The duplicate chuckles into the cross, “he’s mine old man”.

Joshep grits his teeth, “you shall evade the one of holy youth, the blessed one of creators uncorrupted, malevolent apparition. Vade retro Satana”.

The duplicate smirks, “ah so foolish, you think you’re some great knowing thing. How much longer till your facade breaks down?”.

“Truth and God shall never waver Beast”.

Original Danny gets up and stretches. Walking over and tapping on Joshep’s shoulder, “if I may turn you away from this rather pathetic display. This child was never one to fall. And I’m only in my own hands”.

The duplicate sits up and pretty well pushes over Joshep. The duplicate roles his eyes, “dude come one. There ain’t no demons here. And do you really think shit like salt and water is going to work on a being bound to eternity?”. The duplicate simply dissipates in the air while Joshep stands up and whirls around to see Danny just standing there and picking at his nails.

Danny pats him on the shoulder, “that was fun, good acting lessons on my part. Anyway, you got that whole need to exorcise out of you system?”.

Joshep sputters, “w-what are you?”.

Danny, deciding to be a dick and really freak this guy out, let’s his transformation ring form around his forehead like a halo for a split second and makes his eyes glow icy blue.

Joshep goes slightly wide-eyed but composes himself quickly. It’s obvious he now thinks Danny’s an angel as he dips his head slightly, “Dânêl. Concede nos famulos tuos, tu pro nobis intercedere dignentur in solio mixtum commiscere divinae miserationis in praesentem necessitatem, quod tu vis quemadmodum nuntiare Mariae in mysterio incarnationis Christi, ut per tua suffragia et patrocinia sentiamus in caelis perpetuae capiamus beneficia eiusdem, et laudem Dei usque in aeternum cantabo in terra viventium“.

Danny holds his hands up and waves the guy off, “you’re freaking my humans out. Stop that. This place is in good hands”, smirking slightly, “as for the shit that just happened. I’m a trickster”.

Danny walks up and pats the guys shoulder with a chuckle, “there are so many things in this world that you’ll never understand. Do not fall to the faults of assuming you know what you do not. Nor that the truths you know are all there is to know. There are no demons here”.

Joshep looks into Danny’s eyes, seeing nothing but fierce protectiveness, twinkling of amusement, and soft kindness. “Then what be they, should you bless me with that knowledge? Could it be that this is why I am here?”.

Danny chuckles and walks to look out the window. Snickering at the seals, “in all the forms of existences there’s bound to be a few you’ve never seen, you could try to achieve it. Become one of the beings of the Infinite Realms. But most of them can never leave or it will be a long time. So I don’t really recommend”, turning to look at Joshep before Danny gestures out the window, “most of them were once living mortals. Some were not. Souls unable to move on granted powering and purpose. Some protect and guide, watching over mortals or time itself. Others try to keep order and punish those who miss-use their power. Others do what you see here in Amity. Scare. Goof around. There are very few who are what you may call evil”.

Joshep walks up next to Danny, and looks out, jerking as all the seals burn away win blue flames. Side-eyeing the chuckling Danny, “you are a well humoured one”.

Danny smirks, “very much so”, nodding his head at the window, “the ones who are dead’s. They all died in brutal fashion. So horrid that existence itself decided they deserved another chance to live free and strong. Make no mistake priest. I protect them as well”. Danny makes his eyes blue and the frost creep across the window to make his point clear.

Joshep nods and dips his head, “but of course. I did not expect my wrongs and I have much to ponder. To none will I bring hassle nor harm”.

Danny chuckles, “good. I will continue keeping an eye on you regardless”.

Joshep blinks but nods with a small smile. And while this was highly enlightening and a blessing, he had zero intentional of imposing on or hanging around an Angel. Angel’s often said ‘be not afraid’ for a reason, they were not truly pleasant creatures and this one had firmly pretended to be a demon and be in agony. So Joshep bows with clasped hands, “blessed you”, before heading out the door.

Danny chuckles, “oh I’m very blessed indeed”.  

End.

[roses-symphony]

Ok i finally finished watching Strangers from Hell today.

Well... it was a great drama. It kept me always focused and it gave me anxiety, a lot of anxiety but I want to give a review starting from the last episode.

Let’s start saying I went trough the webton and kinda knew how it ended but they made it amazing in the drama. The fighting scene between JongWoo and MoonJo was amazing, I wonder if they used stans for that or it was really Dongwook and Siwan.

Anyway, up until the very end I was really believing MoonJo killed them all even if I knew it has been JongWoo but they made it really accurate and believable, to make you feel like Jong-woo is still a good character who only fought for his life, until you realize he wasn’t different from Moonjo.

I think that actually Moonjo knew it was going to end this way the first moment he started to invest in Jongwoo, he knew he might die and for sure he knew all the people in the studio would die and that’s why lied to them saying they had to leave. I’m sure he was pretty aware of the risk and took it because what he really wanted was to prove Jongwoo was like him or even worse and you understand that when he says that “you’re the best masterpiece I created”. He doesn’t care he died because he will now live in the mind and action of that poor guy, and that’s the reason why, I guess, both Jongwoo and Junghwa still see him. So, even if he died, Moonjo won. Evil won. And that’s something that it’s often portrayed in korean dramas (watch the drama White Christmas, it’s really old but it has a similar vibe to Strangers from hell).

I did like the end, a lot actually. 

Now, talking about the whole picture, I loved how they cut the scenes in all episodes, building up tension and emotions. Hated the blurred knives tho -.-.

Favorite character was absolutely Junghwa because she sensed it all, since the beginning and it’s probably the only one who understood how nuts Jongwoo went now.

Among the two main character, despite Lee Dongwook being creepy and very amazing in the fighting scene, I think Im Siwan did a better job; he was constant, he could express those feelings so well and in certain moments you really got the feeling he was a psycho...but I guess Dongwook couldn’t do much of it since he had to appear cold and firm in his behaviors. Both of them were great anyway. I liked how they matched.

I think the best actor tho was the dude playing the twins, I guess he had the tougher work.

Talking about the girlfriend and the hyung, they were both assholes, they have a big fault in Jongwoo metamorphosis because they didn’t believe him, they didn’t help him and that’s so sad when you can’t get support from your closest people and just are left alone in despair (and it gave Moonjo space to get inside Jongwoon).

Let’s also talk about the OST, I loved them songs, all of them give something even more to the creepy atmosphere.

Now some doubts: WHY THEY LEFT THE THUG ALIVE? WHAT’S THE MEANING OF IT? WHY THEY HAD TO KILL THAT POOR SEOK YOON HE DIDN’T DESERVE IT THAT POOR BABY. WHY THEY HAD TO PUT THAT OLD ARMY FRIEND IN THE STORY? DOES KIYEONK DIE IN THE WEBTON TOO?

I wrote too much and it’s probably nonsense but, just go watch the drama. It really makes you feel like we are all on the verge of craziness, there is a bit of Moonjo in all of us, and i guess that if people around us would just push and pull at that side of us, it’d eventually come out. 

Let’s be careful of strangers, kids u.u.

[bigeloo]

2019/12/14

So basically Germans, (and maybe Russians) occupied most of Europe and I'm (as a relatively small child) has been sent out into this camp (?), Separated from my family. 

I remember giving my coat to the clothes changing station ladies and one of them fucked up and got severely punished. Then I remember trying to escape in the gym (I got caught) and then when I lost all hope, I went outside and noticed some kids that were also sent here and they were actually going to escape. (All of them were Lithuanian and from the same city btw)

So I asked the leader where are we and they said "10 60" and then I boarded a train to which we traveled back to Klaipėda (or a city similar to Klaipėda where I lived in)

When we arrive to Lithuania, we say our goodbyes and then I go in search of my family.

So first, I go trough this park and I did something that was against the rules (but I wasn't aware of it) so I got called on these 2 Russian patrol police dudes, and I hide in this flower carriage. Then this other Russian dude find me and first asks me some questions in russian and when he notices that I struggle to answer due to poor Russian, started speaking Lithuanian. At first, I didn't trust him but I eventually opened up to my situation and he was understandable and let me go.

Then I come across this old abandoned pigeon house where an old Russian man lived. At first I was kinda feeling that he was creepy, but he explained what has happened, why people are separated and so on. Also he had 2 daughters and 2 cats (a Bengal and this ginger Siamese with lots of white), said something about the difficulty living here and how, despite his 2 cats and daughters, was lonely. I continued on.

Then night fell. So I got into this dude's apartment (which was like my grandma's old apartment) and he was also Russian and understanding. He actually knew my brother, so he called upon him and lo and behold, about an hour later, him and his s/o were there. I was so happy. But I still needed to find mom and dad.

The next day was pretty hot. I noticed that a lot of buildings had this cut out of a superhero with a message "why resist/fight?" With a white circle on the center of the chest. Then I actually found one of the original kid crew, hiding in an apartment, also searching for their family. We had small talk and then I continued.

I came across my brother and his s/o and they seemed like they were in the same kind of camp as me and I tried freeing my brother, but he got caught and he got into trouble, meanwhile I wasn't recognized and got away scot-free.

I came across what seemed like an outside stage and a concert. Then I noticed my mom! She was running off into a small downtown Street and then I started chasing after her. I came across then an open plaza, next to the sea, with some sort of pub at one of the corner. Then my dad actually noticed me. My mom said "sorry, I had to speed up to report a car crash that involved me, but what are you doing here?". I explained, parents understood. Still they said it was reckless and when night fell, we actually went home! Bigly was here (even though he looked more like Delly was shrunk down to Bigly's size and proportions), he barked happily seeing me, parents said something about spending way too much money on a clone of bigly, but still being happy. 

[phoenixrisingwoman]

1-102. You should have known I was gonna do this.

This friendship was a mistake.

1) what’s a song you depict with your childhood? any HSM song brings me back to my childhood & also oldies that my parents used to play in the house like stand by me by Ben E. King, unchained melody by the Righteous Brother,….

2) did you have a memorable childhood pet? I think every one of my pets is memorable. one that specificly comes to mind would have to be our Tervuren. We took him in because his owner didn’t take care of him and was planning on ditching him in the middle of the woods. the poor thing got treated like some kind of monster when he only asked for the bare minimum, to get treated with respect and basic kindness. I still remember how easily he trusted us. We were a family of 5 so to have 5 strangers around you all of a sudden and not get defensive and lash out especially after getting treated so badly by humans is one thing but to completely immediately trust us wow. He was such a gentle and sweet dog and it hurts my heart when I think about how he died. He had cancer. Fucking dogs man i know i say this about all dogs but he really was an angel. What a pure soul.

3) have you ever been drunk? yes

4) have you ever tried drugs? i’ve only eaten space cake and that’s it. but i don’t really have any desire to ever try hard drugs.

5) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said? 99% of the time I regret what I say because I am dumb and say some real embarrassing shit

6) have you ever made someone cry? I hope not, unless they were happy tears!

7) has someone ever made you cry? most likely yeah i’m just very sensitive and take a lot of things to heart.

8) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. i've never been in love9) which came first the chicken or the egg? The real question is where does a circle begin and where does it end?

10, 11) already answered

12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love? read the answer to question 8

13) are you a good cook? i mean i’m not the worst but there’s always room for (a lot of) improvement.

14) already answered

15) what is the last movie you cried during? i can’t remember but hatchiko is a movie that can always make me cry.

16) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

It’s such a long list so i’m going to narrow it down to a few: Skillet - Would It matter, DNA - Lia Maria Johnson, you don’t know - Katelyn Tarver, Adam’s song - Blink 182 , 24 floors - The Maine, Sleepless nights - Faber Drive, Just a little bit of your heart - Ariana Grande & I can’t make you love me/ nick of time - Bon Iver. That’s some real sad shit.

17) do you have a middle name? Nope18) have you been out of your country? yes, I’ve been to Italy, England, Turkey, The Netherlands and Germany & this summer i’m going to Spain.19) are you a chocolate fan or not? I am a huge slut for chocolate always20) how many people have you kissed? only one because I have no game21) already answered22) what is your dream car? don’t have a specific one in mind but a range rover looks nice. as long as my car is big enough to take all my dogs with me to the beach, i’m satisfied.23) what is your lucky/favorite number? don’t have one24) what is your favorite flower? i like water lilies a lot25) books or movies, why? Both. Depends. you can get lost in books and imagine the characters/scenery more and the words just stick with me more when i read them? But movies are also nice if a certain character gets played by a good actor and really brings it all to life.26) have you ever been on a blind date? I’d rather not get murdered on my first date. so to answer this question no.27) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you? yeah in my teenager years 28) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends? don’t really see the point in hurting a friend? If a friend betrays my trust i’ll cut them out of my life immediately and never speak a word to them again nor will i waste any more energy on them or be willing to listen to whatever bullshit excuse they want to try. I’m very loyal and loving but if someone takes advantage of that and betrays my trust then I have no problem with cutting them out of my life and continuining as if we were strangers all along. i can take a lot but i don’t fuck with fake people.29) what thing do you symbolize love with? many things really but that’s because i think love comes in many forms. friendship, hobbies, pets, lovers, family,…i think love is all around us really. a tiger playing with her cub, puppies play fighting a lil too rough with an older dog but the older dog allowing them because they still need to learn their boundaries, strangers pulling funny faces at babies or playing along with a game a kid made up, someone giving up their seat and so on. I think all of these acts symbolize love. Once you stop seeing love as this strictly romantic thing i think it’s easy to find it everywhere you look. no matter how small the gesture.30) do you have neat handwriting? It’s not too bad i think. 31) do you have a friend with benefits? nope32) do you want a friend with benefits? I don’t really think i’m cut out for that type of thing. I mean whenever someone holds the door for me i think about it for like days after so I really am not sure if I could trust myself with seeing it as only a friendship with benefits and nothing more.33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be? a siren, a wolf, a forest nymph, harry styles’ next gf haha34) have you ever been blackout drunk? yeah35) have you ever met someone famous? no :(36) how many concerts have you been to? uhh i think 13-ish37) which concerts have you been to? first ones were Justin Bieber (don’t judge), 1d, 5sos, ed sheeran, the script, dua lipa, harry styles, lord huron38) do you have a hidden talent? i can go trough 10 different emotions in the span time of an hour39) what do you do when you’re stressed? shut down, cry, get angry or all of the above.40) do you think money can buy love? money can buy things you love and that make you happy so i guess in that sense you can buy ‘happiness’ & ‘love’, but if we’re talking about real, true, genuine feelings then no that kinda love can’t be bought41) how old would you date? the oldest like 24 but for a sugar daddy i am always willing to make an exception42) have you ever done something illegal?  jaywalking is illegal but most of us have done it at some point so like nothing too illegal43) what is your biggest fear? for my loved ones? that they wil never get all the goodness in life that they truly deserve and that life will treat them like shit and inflict pain upon them that i’ll never be able to undo. for myself? i’m scared i’ll never truly feel like I belong and will never truly feel happy and that once I’m close to dying i’ll be faced with the fact I’ve wasted all my time.44) what is an unusual fear you have? having a doppelganger that’s a real piece of shit and people thinking it's me that has done all that nasty shit to them and me eventually being sentenced for it while the real demon is still out there...yea idk 

45) can you drive? no haha i really need to get my license46) do you believe in supernatural creatures? yes but i’m not sure to what extend but I do believe there are certain things living on this earth unbeknownst to us. 47) do you believe in karma? i think what goes around comes around. or so i truly hope.48) what is one quality you need in your partner? above all my partner needs to be kind. no matter what.49) do looks matter? i’m not going to be a hypocrite and say no because there does need to be a certain level of attraction but it’s not like looks are the most important thing about someone.50) does size matter? which size are we talking about here. but no idc if you truly love someone, you take them as they are. not a single cell in your body would even think about changing anything about them because they already are perfect just the way the are.51) who is the last person you forgave? myself for being so dumb52) what is your favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry and chocolate53) already answered 54) ever been on a plane? obviously55) ever been on a boat? yes56) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? yea a highschool friend that i haven’t heard in years.57) are there any friendships you regret? yes, this one58) are there any friendships you wish you could make? yes @harrystyles if you ever wanna hang out hit me up. i am free almost always so we can hang out whenever you are free too. thanks my dude.59) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours? no60) have you ever walked outside after 12 am? yes61) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through? no but one day I will!62) are you scared of rollercoasters? yeah and i wish i wasn’t. but i always imagine some final destination type of shit when i’m on it so i tend to avoid rollercoasters and such. I’m a paranoid bitch.63) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually? 664) do you have any plans this weekend? yes 65) do you miss anyone right now? not really66) who do you wish you were talking to right now? the ghost of Christopher McCandless. I’d like to hear his stories and thoughts. he seemed like a very interesting individual.67) already anwered68) who is your favorite superhero? catwoman? idk i don’t really have a fave superhero69) are you dirty minded? me? an angel? of course not.70) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at the 80’s? this question should be illegal. how am i supposed to choose one? there are so many bops.71) how many kids, if any, do you want? at the moment i don’t want kids but if that ever changes 2 would be enough.72) who is your biggest OTP? don’t have one73) what is your favorite food? lasagna & pizza. other than that cake/chocolate/anything cookie or candy related. I have a sweet tooth okay 74) do you want to be married one day? idk I don’t really feel the need to get married but if someone is willing to marry my annoying ass then I’m grabbing that chance with both hands.

75) dogs or cats? both but unfortunately i’ve only owned dogs till now so i’m hoping that will change soon!                                                                   76) already answered77) have you ever seen a shooting star? nope78) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you? No, unless the aliens are there too. then sign me the fuck up79) how many best friends do you have? 380) when was the last time you cried? 2 weeks ago81) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself? mind ur own bussiness82) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed? yeah83) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go? countryside of Ireland, Sweden or Northern Wilderness84) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself? gentle, dreamer, stupid 85) do you consider yourself a loyal person? yes, very loyal until you give me a reason not to. but even then i won’t badmouth you i’ll just erase your whole existence from my memory.86) what is your favorite season and why? summer bc i need that vitamin D to beat the sad bitch in me. but also autumn because SWEATER WEATHER87) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it? no, i don't easily say i love you to someone 88) do you know how to play any instruments? no :(89) already answered90) what are you allergic to? pineapple. i might have other allergies i’m unaware off.91) already answered92) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be? I’d wanna be Daenerys Targaryen because I want to have dragon friends who will fly me anywhere I wanna go. also talk about an entrance when you arrive with your fucking dragon somewhere.93) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why? harry styles, niall horan, BØRNS or Maggie rogers because they seem like fun people to be around that will just brighten your day by being in their company.94) are you outgoing? nope, unless you catch me in those rare energetic moods or if i’m drunk then I do shit even I don’t want to know about.95) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to? no96) are you a good flirt? probably not because i always say some weird shit and kill the mood haha97) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down? nope98) already answered99) are you superstitious? not really100) are you a good listener? i like to think so101) are you a good kisser? who knows102) would you kiss any of your friends? depends how much money is involved

[brodaveisbad]

there’s gonna be obvious spoilers for the series also trigger warning for rape/rape attempts/mention, cisnormativity and all that shit. I’ll say when it’s coming up. — now bad yaoi anatomy aside, let’s review this masterpiece that isn’t really a masterpiece as you can see this is some yaoi anime called LOVE STAGE!! clearly, since it’s right up there in big pink letters. goddamn that’s bright i watched this a few years ago because some person i knew recommended it to me and swore that it was the best thing ever and even though i didnt really care for it i thought hey, why not give it a shot now let’s just start off saying that this anime is total bullshit so the main guy is the blonde twink here in the glasses.  (is it just me or does it look like his glasses are fogged up and he needs to clean that shit) izumi, or whatever his name is. I don’t know. anyway he lives with his family which consists of well-known celebrities in their big ass house. his parents are actors and they constantly belittle him and push him away from his dreams because they’re pricks he’s an ‘otaku’ aka huge anime nerd, and his art sucks and he’s sweet and weird but pure so come on man don’t fuckin crush his dreams jfc. parents, man he also has a waifu named lala-lulu (what the hell kind of name is that) and has a body pillow of her  the other guy here is a famous actor or something, I forgot his name.  who the hell cares though his new name is douchey mcasshole because thats accurate and I’ll get to why later (and goddamn check out that seme yaoi face a++) –S P O I L E R– anyway they met when the twinks parents were doing a wedding commercial a long time ago when they were kids.  mini douchey mcasshole was supposed to be the one who caught the flowers with some little girl but something happened and that girl couldn’t be there so they were like hey your kid looks like a girl (ugh) so he can fill her place so he did and he was nervous and kept fuckin up so mini douche who wasn’t much of a douche back then gave him a marble for good luck and they got through it they parted their ways and never saw each other again until the company that made said commercial decided they want them back to make a 10 year anniversary reprise or some shit the thing is though, after that commercial mr douche got a crush on izumi but only because he thought he was really a girl and he still fucking had it after all those years, and because he didn’t know and izumi was dressed up as a girl in the first commercial he had to do it again and he didn’t want to but his goddamn parents decided to force him into it like the pricks they still are also while the douche held onto the memory, izumi wiped it from his memory because the majority of it was a terrible experience for him AND he isn’t great at acting anyway so thats great so blah blah blah they get it over with and all that douchey mcasshole still thinks the twink a girl and is actually really nice until okay first let’s introduce this guy  this is the twinks older brother who’s in a boy band or some shit and I don’t like him much because of what he did here but there’s something he’s pretty cool for that’s gonna come up some time after this (also he gave him the lala-lulu body pillow as a reward for getting through that commercial. what a good bro) anyway back to what I was saying –TW FOR CISNORMATIVITY/TRANSPHOBIA TOO MAYBE–
(he isnt trans but still im just being safe here because of the dudes reaction is pretty…. yikes) basically after douchey mcasshole gives him a sweet, heartfelt love confession, izumis brother comes out and proves to him that he’s a guy by proving that he’s got a dick (ehhhhhh) and so douchey mcasshole gets pissed and hates him now for “"tricking”“ him and wasting his time or some bs like that (like i said, yikes) luckily it doesn’t bother izumi that much, but hes still disappointed that he isn’t the nice boy he met 10 years ago then some time later the douchebag realizes that he actually still likes him even though now he knows he’s a dude, so he comes over to get rid of those feelings by burning the fact that he’s a guy into his head so heres when things go to shit –TW FOR ATTEMPTED RAPE/RAPE MENT.– this fucker ends up chasing him around and makes him strip and those feelings don’t go away and instead take over, so tries to force himself on him which is not okay and why I fucking hate him so much luckily though izumis brother comes in and saves the day, thank god  so hes stopped before he can really do anything and leaves out of sheer terror and izumis big bro hates him now and they both lost whatever trust they had for him Izumi locks himself in his room for a while but eventually leaves for school. there he sees the guy at the front entrance or something, the guy notices him and goes to talk to him. flashback time. twink is fucking terrified and RUNS. douchey mcasshole chases him, and izumi thinks hes gonna try that shit he did again. so he kind of escapes, but then some fucking. weird sumo wrestling dudes with animal heads are blocking the way and he can’t get trough (what the fuck)  and yaoi douche catches up to him, then they spin away (I’m done) much to izumis surprise, he isn’t gonna try anything. he bows down on the ground and apologizes, promising not to do it again.  so of course all of his trauma is dropped, he is magically not afraid anymore and forgives him. after this douchey is somehow less of an asshole and acts like a happy cutesy gay guy, and they even go on a date he even helps him out later with his entry for a manga contest thing. and Izumi, the twink, happened to promise his familys manager dude(whatever he is) or his parents or whatever that if he lost he would start his career as a star so of course since his art sucks ass he didn’t make it. poor guy.  (im not gonna lie though. this shit looks worse than the bad anime art i made when i was 11. no fucking wonder he lost) so since im lazy as hell and I don’t feel like explaining the rest of the 10 episodes as a whole, im not gonna do that. skip skip so now he’s finally following his parents footsteps, everyone’s making a big deal about it and he gains popularity pretty fast. as everything’s going on he debates whether or not he has feelings for guys, douchey mcasshole specifically one day he accepts those feelings on that one day he has to hide from something and ends up in an area with this group of creeps.  these creeps saw him on tv before or something, and don’t really believe that he’s a dude so they want to make sure. –TW FOR RAPE ATTEMPT AND CISNORMATIVITY, AGAIN– these guys hold him down, lift up his shirt and see his flat chest and are like aw man, hes really a dude. but then because he still looks cute to them or some shit they try pulling the same shit douchey mcasshole did so just as it’s about to happen again izumi realizes that he only wants douchey mcasshole, so he puts a stop to this and kicks some ass  you go, man. (aw, our little twinkie is growing up) so he escapes, later runs into one of his nerd friends. they were supposed to hang out with some other guys but that didn’t go well since he was chased by fans earlier. and they talk about mr seme and it makes him think of his feelings more or something so he runs off to his house there he knocks on the door, tackles him, kisses him and says he wants to fuck so they fuck and that’s it, that’s the end. they fuck. douchey mcasshole finally gets the ass hes been craving and glasses twink gets the dick. the end, y'all. so what do i think is bs about this? the love interest dude is an asshole obviously, even though he acts like a fucking dork a lot of the time. because of his reaction when he found out izumi was a guy, the fact that he tried to rape him (twice, i didnt mention the second time because fuck that tbh) izumi left behind all of his fear and got over his trauma from what happened immediately which isnt even a thing that happens realistically he also ended up loving his almost-rapist and only truly accepting it when he was about to get gangbanged. and its kind of ridiculous how many times that shit almost happened to him. like, fucking hell, leave this guy alone. he ended up letting go of his dreams like his parents wanted just like that (practice makes perfect, my dude. keep drawing) there are some good things though, the art style is fine aside from the yaoi anatomy and the colors are alright. douchey mcasshole isnt really much of a douche a lot of the time and he does really care for izumi and there were some laughable parts, ive got to admit but jfc those sumo wrestling things, what the hell were they doing there? could they really have been more lazy so anyway i still think its bullshit

[timetogoslumming]

another fluffy little sprace oneshot for you! 

race finds out that spot missed out on a vital part of childhood. 

For the first few weeks that they were dating, Spot never saw Race’s apartment. It just made sense for them- Spot lived alone, and Race’s roommates could be a little bit intense. One evening, though, after they had gone out for pizza, Spot was clearly uncomfortable as they walked back toward his apartment.

“Don’t you live like, a block from here?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

Spot worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a minute. “Okay, I don’t want to tell you this-” he started.

Race looked down at him, concerned. “What is it?”

“I really have to use the bathroom,” Spot said. “Can we please just go back to your place tonight? I really don’t want to walk the rest of the way back to mine holding it.”

“Oh, my god. Fine.” They took a left at the corner and were quickly back to Race’s building. Spot stepped back while Race unlocked the door. “Just… sorry in advance about my roommates,” he started. “They’re kinda- anyway, they’re probably going to interrogate you.”

But his worries, as it turned out, were unfounded. The apartment was empty. Jack, he assumed had gone to Davey’s- he had been doing that a lot lately- and Albert just sort of disappeared sometimes. He would be gone for days at a time, then come back saying he had run out for a bagel. Race knew him well enough to know not to question it. Al would probably come up with a story about being abducted by aliens or something if he asked too many questions.

“My bathroom’s the one at the end of the hall,” Race said, pointing, and Spot walked, a little bit too quickly to be casual, toward it.

“You have a space shower curtain?” Spot yelled from inside.

“Yes! Don’t judge me!”

Race wandered aimlessly around the kitchen while he waited for Spot, eventually starting up the Keurig for a cup of coffee. Not too long after, the toilet flushed, the sink ran for a minute, and Spot emerged, looking much calmer. “Little late for coffee, isn’t it?” he asked.

Race shrugged. “No such thing as too late. Besides, caffeine calms me down.”

“Fair enough. Show me your room. I want to see if you’re as big of a nerd as I think you are.”

Race led Spot to his room and stood awkwardly in the doorway as Spot looked around at his various posters and photos on the wall. He occasionally asked who someone in a picture was, and Race would answer, but aside from that, it was mostly silent. Race had learned when they first got together that Spot liked to know his surroundings like the back of his hand. Unfamiliar spaces made him nervous, so he took the time to thoroughly explore every new place he found himself in. “Why do you have four calculators?” Spot asked, pointing at the stack of advanced graphing calculators on Race’s desk.

“In case three break,” Race replied, only half kidding.

Spot stopped at Race’s bookshelf, picking up a ratty teddy bear, which had once been white and was now a sort of greyish-brown. He held the bear up to Race with his eyebrows raised. “Really? You still have a teddy bear?”

Race made a grab for the bear, but Spot was faster and yanked it out of reach. “Fuck off,” Race said. “I got him when I was a baby.”

“It’s a him, huh?”

Race grabbed for the bear again, but this time, Spot let him have it. “Yes, he’s a him,” Race replied, smoothing the bear’s fur, which had gotten sort of patchy in old age. “His name is Barney, in case you were wondering. But seriously, everyone still has some kind of stuffed animal.”

“Not me,” Spot replied, taking a seat on the end of Race’s bed. “But then, I never really had any.”

“What do you mean?” Race asked absently as he carefully placed Barney the Bear back on his shelf.

“Never had like, a teddy bear or anything.”

Race spun around so fast that his neck cracked a bit. “What, never?” he asked. “Not even when you were little?”

Spot shrugged. “Nah.”

“How?”

“Well, when your mom is in prison and your dad thinks that kind of stuff is too sissy, you don’t get a whole lot of teddy bears.”

A pang of sadness hit Race straight in the heart. “That’s… really shitty. Every kid needs a teddy bear. Or something. I think Al had a stuffed fish, but still. Seriously, what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Uh… nothing?”

“We’re getting you a teddy bear.”

Spot shook his head. “We really don’t need to-”

“We’re going.”

The next day, after a long lie-in in bed and a massive breakfast at IHOP, Race dragged Spot to the mall, making a beeline for the Build a Bear Workshop. Spot stopped just outside, staring at the display of Pokemon in the window. “Race, I really don’t want to do this.”

“Too bad. Every kid needs a teddy bear,” Race replied, shoving Spot inside.

“I’m twenty-two.”

“Yeah. We’re making up for twenty-two years of lost time.”

Inside, Race pointed to the wall of stuffed animals, telling Spot to choose the one he liked best. Slowly, they walked along the line, occasionally picking up a bear to make a joke. “This one looks like you,” he said, gesturing to a garish tie-dyed cat.

“Shut up,” Race replied, picking up one that was meant to look like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, but really just looked like a mistake. “This one looks like you.”

Finally, though, Spot settled on a classic teddy bear with fur the same color as Race’s hair, although neither of them made that connection out loud. An overly cheery teenage employee rushed over. “Are you ready to bring your bear to life?” she asked.

“Uh… sure,” Spot replied.

“Okay!” she enthused. “Come choose a heart for your friend!” She gestured to a huge bowl of red hearts.

“That’s… not necessary.” The employee started to protest, and Race nudged Spot. “Okay, fine.” He grabbed a heart at random.

“Great!” Race was beginning to suspect that the girl was a robot built by Build a Bear’s corporate headquarters. “Now warm the heart in your hands!” Spot hesitantly closed his hands around the red heart. “Good! And now whisper a wish to your bear’s heart.”

Spot jerked his head up. “You’re joking. Do I really look like the kind of guy who whispers wishes to little hearts? Who do you think-” “Dude,” Race said, interrupting him. “Will you just… be cool?”

“Fine,” Spot snapped. He brought the heart up to his hands. “I wish for cheap booze and good sex,” he whispered with a grin, quietly enough that Race and the employee couldn’t make it out.

“Now seal it with a kiss!” the girl said perkily. Spot bitterly gave the heart a quick kiss.

“What’d you wish for?” Race asked.

“Oh, no!” scolded the employee. “If he tells you, it won’t come true!” “Yeah, Race. I can’t tell you,” Spot confirmed with a smirk.

The poor girl helped them stuff the bear, but was quickly rebuked when she suggested that Spot give it a hug test to see if it was full enough, and then weakly suggested that they give the bear a bath.

Spot stared at her, slackjawed. “Give it a what?”

“A bath,” she replied, pointing toward a blue trough shaped vaguely like a dog groomer’s tub.

Spot held up the bear, which had just been stitched up. “This is a stuffed animal. It’s not real. I just bought it. Are you telling me this bear isn’t clean?”

“Spot,” Race hissed.

“It’s not really water,” the employee responded.

Spot nodded. “Okay, great. Can we pretend for a minute that I’m an adult and don’t want to give a stuffed animal an imaginary bath?”

The employee actually rolled her eyes, her robot exterior cracking. “Go pick out clothes or something,” she said dully, gesturing to a wall of clothes.

As soon as they were by the wall, and the employee had gone back to the register, Race nudged Spot. “Why are you so mean?” he asked quietly.

“I’m not mean,” Spot replied as he looked through tiny outfits. “This is stupid.” As he dug through the clothes, he froze and did a double take, looking back at Race. “Hey, look,” Spot said. “It’s your shirt.”

The tiny shirt he held up was weirdly similar to Race’s, although not identical. Race’s shirt was a diagram of Saturn, with arrows and captions pointing out various parts of the planet. The bear shirt was just a picture of Saturn. “I’m getting this.”

“Aw, so you can cuddle with me even when I’m not there?” Race teased.

Spot scowled. “Fuck off. No. It’s because this is stupid and you’re stupid.” He held the shirt up to the bear like he was trying it on. “Besides. I don’t cuddle.” Which, for the record, was the truth. Spot liked his space.

They shopped around for a while longer, before finally settling on an outfit, which was nearly identical to Race’s. After checking out with the employee, who by this point, was completely done with them, and after a quick apology to her from Race, they left, carrying a box shaped like a house.

“Want to walk around the mall a little?” Race asked.

“No,” Spot said quickly. “I don’t need anyone to see me carrying this shit around.”

Back at Spot’s apartment, they unboxed the bear. “Okay, well… cool,” Spot said awkwardly, letting it sit on the couch between them.

“Admit it,” Race urged. “You love it. You finally got your teddy bear.”

“Get out of my home.”

[fightersagainstnarccistic]

More of Valkyrie Western Martial Arts Bullshido

Randy is a really bad source of information for martial arts and fitness.

We can prove this in numerous ways.

Here is Randy giving nutrition advice which has clearly never worked for himself http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2013/09/18/power-stars/

And here is Randy talking about how he doesn't need to diet even though admits he is over weight

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2012/07/12/sixty-pound-cupcake/

These posts were made in 2013 and 2012. So what has been the consequences of Randy’s lifestyle choices and bad nutritional ideas?

Well.....it’s not good. 

Randy calls it a “broken ticker”.

That’s a really cute way of saying heart disease.

Randy’s lifestyle choices, all his earlier ranting about how everyone else has a poor understanding of fitness than he does, have amounted to developing heart disease at 50 years old. 

This is important for us to stress. His bullshido that he teaches to others, is actually killing him.

Here is some other relevant bullshido that Randy has spouted over the years and taught to his students instead of just losing weight and dieting like a normal sane person,

Randy incorrectly claiming mobility is the key to being healthy, and ignoring what is going on inside the body itself,

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2013/08/21/strong-body/

Here is Randy dismissing well established science on how fatness is unhealthy http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2013/08/19/healthy-body/

This is all blatantly incorrect and a ridiculous claim for a self-styled fitness coach to be saying.

That is not how somatotype body types are classified, and it’s not a strictly scientific approach to fitness anyway, and is often mis-used by fitness gurus who are more woo-woo than substance. Someone who claims to understand sports science should know this. 

Also, “Fat” and “overweight” mean the exact same thing, and playing little games of semantics won’t change this reality even if they make your ego feel better.

Speaking of Randy’s bullshido, here are a bunch of various psuedo-intellectual ramblings that Randy has posted over the years and which his cult has eaten up like pigs eating slop at a trough.

We said in a prior post that Valkyrie is the Scientology of the HEMA community. We stand by this statement.

This guy actually believes he is more intelligent than everybody else and these people who support him feed his narcissism.

So this one is interesting, not just because it is total fucking nonsense, but because his cult members, I mean students, such as Kaja, eat it up.

Oh, you “get it”, do you?

God you guys really would drink the Kool-Aid if he started passing out cups, wouldn’t you? You’re that far gone. 

So much pseudo-intellectual bullshido man. So much.

Here’s some more big brain stuff,

We’re telling you. This is the Scientology of HEMA.

But we want you to read some of the comments he gets to the above post from the more easily malleable among us.

It’s a cult guys.

Valkyrie is a cult.

And they’re all going down the rabbit hole to Wonderland.

Yeah well, I am pretty sure if I smash someone in the head with a sledgehammer instead of with a fork, their skull is going to take a lot more damage from the sledgehammer. 

Likewise I am very certain that thrusting with a spear generates more force than with a long sword. Which is why currently we can safely practice at high intensity with long sword fencing, but not do the same with polearms.

That’s kind of how physics work. But you’d have to let go of all your bullshido ideas to join us in the real world to accept this. 

Speaking of,

Pretty sure that has not a damn thing to do with real combat.

We’re going to cap this section off by showcasing where Randy really shows he is heavily influenced by movies he watches.

So. Much. Bullshit.

Dude, we’re all mutants. That’s kind of how evolution works.

But he’s developed this entire theory just so he can feel better about his disabilities.

And even appropriated the label of ‘veteran’ for himself, too. Good going Professor X. You’re way deep into denial now.

Down below, here is an article where Randy claims competitive athletes are afraid of his bullshido class workouts, because they are so “intense” because they do basic gymnastic tumbling exercises,

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2014/08/05/growing-power/

Which, by the way, Randy is convinced are all very relevant for combat. 

They are not, which is why military combatives training does not incorporate hand stands and cart wheels. Far more relevant exercises are focused on instead like push ups and jogging.

If you’d like a laugh, here’s Randy having a big brain moment where he makes several outrageous claims about how much smarter he is than most everyone else,

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2014/07/28/accepting-average/

Okay, enough poking at him for being arrogant. 

If you spend time reading through Randy’s blog posts you will discover they are a mess of disconnected thoughts, mixed in with narcissistic statements, woo and bullshido 

I mean, there was even that  time where Randy started referring to Capo Ferro as “Wolf Lord of Blades” because he became a fan of Game of Thrones, 

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2013/07/17/the-wolf-lord-of-blades/

,And here is an article where Randy speaks negatively of professional sport tournaments for having gender specific divisions. 

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2017/03/31/fitting-everyone-into-tournaments/

This is probably around the time that Randy began fully embracing the woke stuff in order to appeal more to the new demographic he started focusing on with Valkyrie, who were easier than trying to get more experienced athletes who understood basic tumbling exercises are not the epitome of martial arts training and could not be so easily sold on his bullshido.

He totally ignores all of the numerous, very obvious physical differences between men and women which give men huge advantages in sports, which is why these gender divisions exist. It’s not designed to put women down. It’s to allow them to have a field to compete on where they won’t be completely outclassed by men. 

Feminism as an ideology is fine, but we have to accept biological differences based on human evolution. Just because we no longer need to fight against damn near everything on the planet to survive doesn’t mean all the athletic advantages men have to protect women during their pregnancy periods have magically vanished into our imaginations. They are still inherent to our biology and need to be recognized. You cannot wish them away with ideologies. 

At this point we hope we’ve shown enough of the true side of Randy and his school, and how it operates that you can feel confident that something is not right with Valkyrie, and it is actually a cult.

A cult led by a very unstable person, who manipulates other unstable people down rabbit holes. 

And at present they have decided to attack a rival school with their full might. 

Let that sink in abit. 

Next article

Additional abusers who assist Valkyrie https://fightersagainstnarccistic.tumblr.com/post/624699657862381568/additional-narcissistic-abusers-who-assist

[canonandme]

Grandma (Part II)

A NeighborAU Cassian x Reader

Fandom: Star Wars

Summary: The guy next door should be responsible for the things his cat did in your house.

Part of @propertyofpoeandbucky & @the-new-fanfic-order Galactic Fanatic AU Challenge

A/N: Finally!!! After two months of writing block I come back again, check out the playlist I did for this story (hope you guys like lo-fi). And because everybody deserves to be in a rom-com with our favorite captain I’m gonna use neutral pronouns for Reader. Feedback would be cool, English is not my first language.

(Part I)

Someone knocked the door many times. ‘What was that?’ Cassian thought, even better who could go to his house on Saturday morning when he was reading a good book and drinking black coffee in peace? He tried to ignore whoever it was but knocks kept on and on. “Coming!” then Cassian felt pissed off. He opened the door… and it was you holding Grandma, your chubby white with orange Scottish Fold.

“You?!”

“Yes, me. Take us to the vet. Now” that sounded more like an order than a suggestion.

“Still with it? It’s been a while”

“Exactly a month” You said when Kaytoo showed up, when he looked at Grandma he stood in back feet and tried to reach her but you waved your hand to keep him away.

“You know I don’t have…”

“Time for this? Whatever, I don’t want to know about your busy life, take me to the vet now!”. Cassian didn’t answer you but closed the door very slowly instead not breaking eye contact with you. He tried then to go back to his book, he couldn’t, not with you knocking also kicking the door over and over.

He finally opened the door, limited to say “fine”.

The way to the vet was an awkward silence that kept going in the waiting room. Cassian sat in the same couch than you as further as he could be reading his book, you tried to entertain yourself by petting Grandma when she suddenly walked toward Cassian to laid down on his lap. For a moment you worried Cassian could get angry or set her aside… but he didn’t. Instead he closed his book to pet her in the right places, making Grandma purr. He even called her cute names in a calm tone.

The scene took you aback; you couldn’t believe the man in front of you with his cold nature showed on his face yet short temperament had a soft side too. Later you thought that it could be usual, he has Kaytoo after all, he should know how to pet it but still.

Curiosity took the best of you at the end. “You do this often?” he looked strangely at you, your question took Cassian for surprise. “You know like get along with you cat”

“Not at all. Kaytoo is a pain in the ass he doesn’t even let me pet him, when I try to he scratches me or attacks me jumping into me”

“An asshole, just like his master” you joked, he looked at you burrowed brows, he got offended by it. “As the say goes” you corrected yourself.

“Yeah, I still wonder why this cute kitty belongs to a noisy, uneasy person”

Now it was your turn to get offended but not in the way you did the first time you fought with him, more in a playful way. The dude has humor sense after all. You gasped and said: “I am really cute too, but you need to know me more”.

You lost yourself on the blurry black and white figures the ultrasound showed in its screen, trying to find something inside Grandma’s belly like one of the kittens but no, everything looked odd. Ribs? Guts? That bean shaped thing? Nothing at all until a small circle beated accelerated. “What is that?” you asked to Doctor Mothma.

“That is the heart of one of the kittens, oh look!” one of the kittens stretched inside its mom and make everyone in the room got astonished, Mrs. Mothma, her assistant, you, even Cassian who smile a little. He was happy and you couldn’t believe it. ‘Every time Cassian smiles a puppy dies’, some part of your brain joked about it making you feel guilty, the other part was still in shock, first his soft side now his smile! Too much. Cassian felt how you stared at him, felt ashamed and went again to the grumpy face, oh, good when it lasted.

“Well well, it looks that the kittens are all good, as I can see there will be five of them that can be born every moment” The session finished, you took Grandma in your lap to made your way outside, Cassian stood to talk with Mrs. Mothma.

“If you or your partner have any prob-” “wha-what?!” Cassian almost yelled at her.

“Did I say something wrong?” She didn’t understand why Cassian had to freak out.

“They’re not my partner, we’re not even dating, we’re just neighbors”

“Is that so? But you look so cute together”. Cassian didn’t believe it, he will never date you, how could he? He barely knows you and more than talk to each other both of you pick an argument so it’s impossible but… he remembered you said you had a soft cute side that shows up when someone knows you better; from where he stood he could see you tickling your cat in the belly, happy, carefree, cute even. What? No! Still impossible, he said to himself.

“Anyway here’s the bill” Mrs. Mothma said, Cassian took the paper and felt his body froze in surprise by the cost of the ultrasound, he couldn’t help to shout his head off you could hear him from you were.  

You chuckled. “We did it Grandma, what a tool”. Grandma meowed back.

A week later you ran out of cat food; poor Grandma ate too much calories for her and the pack inside her so you went to the supermarket to buy the things you will need for the kittens also groceries. You walked with your cart trough the corridors when you bumped into a girl. “Y/N?”

“Iylla?” You felt happy for find your friend. “What a coincidence, what are you doing here?”

“Well you remember Poe? He ran into a college friend, they have spent minutes talking about things I don’t understand” she pointed where his boyfriend and his friend were. You found out Poe’s friend looked familiar.

“Cassian?” You hid from him behind your cart. “You know him?”

“Well yes he is my neighbor” right then and there you had an idea; you took cans of cat food, baby blankets and whatnot. “Help me with this” you give half the stuff to Iylla, you kept the other half to yourself as both of you made your way to the cart that had Cassian’s groceries. Iylla helped you put all the things inside the cart as quiet as possible, you didn’t want Cassian to notice.

“Why do you do this?” Iylla asked confused.

“Basically his cat got Grandma pregnant so I forced him to-”

“Grandma is preggies?!” She felt too excited she forgot you were trying to hide from Cassian. It was too late, both men turn around to find you trying to run. Facepalm.

“Y/N!” Poe was glad to found you. “Oh not again” you know how Cassian felt.

“Hey! What’s up? What a coincidence” you tried to sound cool, you failed again.

“What are you doing here?” Poe asked

“Yeah I walked around, and walked around, trying to find you know, things…” you giggle nerviously. “Oh god it’s too late I. Must. Go.” You took your cart and ran away. How embarrassing. You made your way to checkouts, pay for your groceries, took your bags but you didn’t move from the front of the cash registers waiting for Cassian, for the cat food, only for the cat food. Yeah.

Ten minutes passed when he got in line then you notice something strange: everyone around him went head over heels for him; the casher, other workers, the rest of people in line, everyone. They blushed, giggle nervously, some women even bit their lips while undress him with their eyes, it was like you could read their minds. The scene made you sick, your blood boiled, your hands turn into fists, you want to punch him in the face but why? Why get angry with a man who is no related to you in any way? It’s not your problem how he lives his life and, in this case, how people react to him, then what was that? you went deep in your inner crisis until Cassian snapped his fingers in front of your face. He was angry, furrowed brows, killer sight and all that shit again.

“Don’t look at me like that!” You said.

“Then how?” Cassian said softly but with sentiment. “How could be my reaction when someone put their stuff in my cart waiting for me to pay for them?” Another day, another argument began.

“First” you raised a finger, “I’m still with my stance of you paying all needed to the kittens so get used to it. Second” another finger added, “I have reasons to be mad too, what were you doing in line?”

“Doing what?”

“Wow how modest of you, how the hell did you cast a spell on all those people?”

Cassian turned around to see the cashiers sighing, waving at him, “Oh, that”. He shrugged his shoulders “I’m not sure”.

Then you were upset. “Liar”

“It’s true” he wasn’t angry anymore, he calmly tried to defend himself. “That thing happens every time I’m on a public place, works on waiters, taxi drivers, hostesses and many others.” He said while walking to the parking lot with bags on his hands leaving you behind. You followed him close.

“How and why? It’s not like you were the most handsome man in the world”

He stopped to look at you, raised an eyebrow also smirked. “Jealous?” You felt some mockery in his voice along with confidence.

You gasped “Me? As if”

“Ok then, get in the car” Cassian took the keys to turn off the alarm of his car.

“Huh?”

“Let me take you home now that I found you here” He limited to say.

“It’s not necessary” you said, “I’m a strong independent sensual person who can take their groceries all by-” in that moment your bags broke and all your stuff fell on the floor, you stood there not knowing what to do except for let out a long loud groan in frustration. When your lungs got empty you found Cassian had already put all your stuff in the trunk and started the car engine, waiting for you.

“Get in”

“Ok”