#have i convinced you yet. get on the bandwagon

[shutupineedtothink]

okay a few other notes about ep 5:

OBSESSED with the way that a) Rio was the only one who said the brooms were a good idea and b) she and Agatha INSTANTLY started doing the ritual together, like they’re done this a thousand times before. Amazing choice to show their history yet again without actually saying anything. Show don’t tell baby.

We all love the way Agatha looked at Rio when they were flying, but I also love the moment of pure bliss on her face when she closes her eyes. She loves flying. And she probably hasn’t let herself fly in centuries.

The CGI on the broom flying scene was the exact amount of cheesiness I wanted, A++

Jen has absolutely no patience for Agatha, and I get it, but I have a feeling she’s going to be the first to realize that Agatha is actually telling the truth and forgive her. I’m assuming this will happen whenever the truth is revealed about Nicky.

They all heard the “Stop, mama” not just Agatha. Also confirmed that was a CHILD not a baby, double yikes.

I can’t BELIEVE this episode was basically 30 minutes flat what a RIDE

Okay FINE he’s Billy I’m jumping on the bandwagon now jeez

I didn’t point this out but somebody said Agatha confirmed he was Billy once he said Nicky’s name out loud bc otherwise the sigil would have prevented it and THAT’S SO GENIUS OMG also maybe it was the final nail in the coffin to get her to lash out at him bc she still wanted him to be Nicky

Rio hung back to kick that ghost’s ass you can’t convince me otherwise - “I hate ghosts” yeah I bet you do.

The way she started laughing when the ouija board spelled DEATH I can’t

“Sweetheart you okay?” And “Woah! Where’s she goin, what’s she doin” are easily top lines of the ep

Catch me psychologically analyzing this shit for DAYS

How am I supposed to sleep now???

[starcurtain]

A Very Rambling Rant about Alhaitham and Aranara

Sigh. Everyone on twitter is all excited over this idea that Alhaitham can see aranara, and I don't mean to be downer but like... I kind of hate this. Not the idea of Alhaitham seeing aranara, which is very cute, very nice, yes, but more the way this kind of thing unfolds.

It's a classic example of unconfirmed material, extraneous to the actual game, getting put out on social media like it's canon: Someone tweets "ALHAITHAM CAN SEE ARANARA!!" and suddenly it's running rampant in the fandom and people are completely convinced it's canonically true, without the actual game or any confirmed story-relevant materials genuinely supporting the idea. This is exactly how misinformation gets spread. (I'm looking at you, "Jade enslaved Aventurine" Star Rail fandom brainrot.)

And it's this "bandwagon canon" that leads to constant issues in the fandom when people point out that even some widely accepted stuff is actually fanon. People are literally vicious over defending things that don't actually have any evidence in the game itself.

I really wish this fandom was better at distinguishing "This thing is factually true" and "This is a really cool idea and there might be a few hints for it! I'm going to make this my headcanon!" Watching stuff in fandom go un-fact-checked genuinely makes me terrified for people's ability to fact check real world issues sometimes!

Not to mention the way this conversation is happening is just really unpleasant too?

I saw multiple tweets with thousands of likes going around saying things like "Of course Alhaitham can still see the aranara; he has child-like wonder while Kaveh is traumatized and had to grow up too fast, so it makes sense he can't see them."

Which like... This is so gross to me? Are these people just missing the massive unfortunate implications of their own words--the idea that traumatized people can't experience wonder for the world anymore? That they're somehow broken and can't experience any child-like joy??? It's a deeply unpleasant take to me.

And not only that, it directly contradicts actual canon, because Yoimiya's entire second story quest was about a girl going through a traumatic illness that confined her to a wheelchair and led to her experiencing guilt and depression--and about helping her to see that everything that made life worth living was still there for her, and that she had never lost her wonder or will to live in the first place.

And the whole thing just smacks of a fundamental misunderstanding of why adults can't see the aranara in the first place. It's not because there's some sort of magical "You must be 18 or younger to see aranara" rule. It's because the aranara themselves choose not to be seen by adults. They protect themselves by making themselves invisible. They're not invisible by nature! Everyone can see them--when the aranara want to be seen. Conversely, this means that adults with "childlike wonder" are not just automatically seeing aranara left and right. No matter how happy and childish at heart an adult is, they will only see an aranara if the aranara personally trust them and want to be seen.

The aranara trust children because children are generally good-hearted (and also probably easy to escape from), so there is usually no need to keep themselves invisible to children, but even among children, they are invisible until they choose to be seen. (I think everyone forgot the quest where you find the child who was kidnapped by the Fatui in the forest, saved by an aranara who chose to reveal itself to her, but then she refuses to go back to the village, so you leave her at the aranara nursery--only the aranara there at the nursery choose not to reveal themselves to her because they don't know her yet.) Even with children, aranara don't just go running up on them--they're incredibly cautious creatures who only show themselves after they're sure they'll be safe. They distrust adults because adults deliberately use "growing up" as an excuse to abandon simplicity, kindness, and gentleness in order to embrace concepts that include getting ahead of others and seeking profit--two things which could be particularly dangerous for a vulnerable forest fairy population.

There's also an extremely complicated intersection between the aranara and memory, as they represent and upon "death" return to being the forest's living memory itself. Avin, the girl in Yoimiya's story quest, is a child--but still loses the ability to visit her aranara companion because her illness keeps her away from the forest so long that she simply forgets her aranara buddy ever existed. Even aranara who would love to continue playing with their human companions find themselves forgotten over and over again, because they simply don't linger in human memory well. It's a giant metaphor for how fleeting and temporary human existence is in comparison to the natural world! It's a metaphorrrrrrr.

(There's also the fact that aranara freely move between reality and dreaming--something which Sumeru's adult population only recently regained the ability to even do.)

And like... does no one remember that Yoimiya could only see the aranara because Traveler was there to introduce her to them? She doesn't just automatically see them even though she has all the childish wonder possible in her heart.

I even saw tweets saying that anyone who thinks Alhaitham doesn't have child-like wonder in his heart and wouldn't automatically be able to see aranara fundamentally misunderstands his character and I just... First, see the point above--this is already a misunderstanding of how aranara work.

Second, am I just crazy, or is there absolutely nothing about having wonder and curiosity and passion for the world around you that is confined to children? Are we really going with "Having an imagination is for kids" as our takeaway from all this?

Alhaitham absolutely is passionate! He loves Sumeru as much as Nahida does! The mysteries of the world fascinate him, and he wants to be doing nothing more than ravenously learning and taking in new information at every opportunity!

But finding wonder and joy in life's mysteries is absolutely not restricted to children!

There's nothing inherently "childish" about loving fiction and the fantastical world of books, having a vivid imagination, being passionate about learning new things, and just plain out enjoying life. I'm sorry everyone else has apparently become such miserable adults that the only way they can believe Alhaitham finds joy in the world is by assuming he must have maintained a "child-like" inner nature. Please go read more books and touch more grass and maybe you too will experience adult wonder and joy???

Alhaitham's vivid curiosity about the world isn't remotely "child-like." It's based on the same sort of philosophical obsessions that drove Plato and Aristotle to redefine human thinking. To Alhaitham, Sumeru is likely much more vivid and beautiful and full of intrigue because he is now an adult who has the ability to freely think, formulate deeper questions, and the means to pursue research into his personal passions. His teaser trailer is literally about how he took the job of the Scribe because the Scribe records truth--not child-like faith in the magic of the world, but a constant unfilled yearning to get closer and closer to what is real.

If Alhaitham can see aranara, it's because he's earned the trust of the aranara by his deeds, not because he's secretly still an innocent, sweet baby boy deep down who has chosen not to grow up. (And like, if "traumatized people don't see aranara" is really what we're going with, are we actually arguing Kaveh is the only traumatized, "grew up too soon" one here? Did everyone just forget Alhaitham is an orphan with zero surviving family members left in the world and that he spent his entire childhood friendless, at least as far as we've been shown?)

Winning the trust of the aranara is something anyone could do if they show strong enough positive traits--just basic kindness, gentleness, and patience, which I promise you, adults can have.

At the very least, if we're going to suggest Alhaitham is child-like, can't we at least point to his actual childish behaviors, such as constantly pulling Kaveh's pigtails like a schoolboy with his first crush? Throwing hands with anyone who pisses him off too much? Being a jokester who continually sends Paimon books because she picked on him for his choice of reading materials once? At least y'all could have started there... Come on, now.

Phew, this really was a whole rant, but I just needed to get that off my chest. The Hoyo fandoms on twitter are so, so bad. Like man, don't claim people are mischaracterizing someone while not even knowing the lore yourself... Sorry if that sounds harsh, but...

[soupbowl18]

“𝒞𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒, 𝐼 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝒪𝓃 𝒴𝑜𝓊…”

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟸

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚ ｡⋆ ♡ ༘˚

Sero Hanta X ChildhoodFriend!Reader

AFAB!Reader, SMAU BNHA/MHA, Quirkless AU

‎‧₊˚✧ Synopsis ✧˚₊‧

You haven't seen your long time crush best friend since you were ten. Both of you moved and you haven't seen each other since. You wondered if it was ever possible to see him again, until...ping!

Warnings! Mentions of weirdos on the internet

All Chapters

↤ Previous Chapter | Next Chapter ↦

˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚.

Ahh yes, you finally turn thirteen. Your mother thought it was finally time to own your own phone.

“Now y/n, this phone is not a toy obviously, so take good care of it” “-uh huh” you say, not even looking at your mother. You were too excited to listen to your mother now that you’re already setting up your phone. “And you can have social media and I trust you enough not to talk to weirdos on the internet. This is your phone and you deserve privacy so I’m not going to look through your phone. Although, I will have a tracker on your phone. I need to know where you are all times.” Even though your mother doesn’t like that you’re not looking at her, she knows that you’re listening. “It’s not like I sneak out mom” “Yeah but I don’t feel like texting you to see where you are” You both giggle. “Thanks mom, I’ll take care of this phone” you say as you give her the tightest hug.

The next day, you return to your middle school, secretly showing off your phone to your friends since your school has no phone policy.

“Have you gotten Captures yet” Asked your best friend Unasaka. “What’s that?” You asked curiously. “A social media app that you can chat with people and like their pictures” she said, eager to make you an account. The only social media platform you interacted with is YouTube and Roblox but you’ve never made an account to interact with their pictures or chat with them. “I’m not sure if I want to jump on that social media bandwagon, I’ve heard about those weird people on those platforms” you tried move on from the topic but your best friend keeps wanting to convince you. “You can always private your account. You can choose who can chat and like your post. Just look at mine, I only have my friends and family.” Pulling out her phone, she shows her followers. You see your friends and other recognized faces. It’s not a bad idea, but that doesn’t fully convince you. “I’ll think about it girl. If I do make an account, can you write down your username?” Unasaka quickly pulled a pen and paper from her book bag. She quickly wrote it down and handed it to you. You guys spoke a little more about the presents of social media since you’re a bit new to it. After, you guys head separately to your own homes.

You thought about it after dinner, maybe it’s good to keep up with your friends. You can see that they’re out having fun and you can chat with them. The thought of texting your friends was cool to you. You went up to your room and started downloading the app Captures.

Once you made your account, you put your phone down, waiting for your friend Unasaka to follow you back. You can’t wait to share your little life with the world and chat with all your friends. That’s what you think social media is. Posting and chatting but you were unaware the dark side of it. It was already eight-thirty pm, you had to go to bed soon. You do your little night routine, thinking of all the things you can do now that you have a phone.

Little did you know, there’s someone waiting on the other side.

.

.

.

A/n: NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW ITS KINDA HARD TO MAKE A FAKE PROFILE AND PHONE SCREEN. Anyways, we’re just getting started. Next few chapters is their how friendship continued during middle school and how readers feelings blossomed.

Tags list:

@phtmmsqrde

[arcticmarcy]

heyyyyy, what are you mcsm headcannons. You’re art is very cool and I’m intrigued 😋

Your*

Teehee anyway

I have a LOT i'm not getting into rn but. These are my blorbos I have a whole LIST

Mostly will be surrounded around Jesse (green suspenders ftw), Lukas and Petra since they're my favorites

To start, which is something i think should be more popular:

JESSE IS A THEATRE KID!!! You cannot convince me otherwise. That guy is dancing and singing around to the waitress soundtrack and I'm not taking no for an answer

Lukas' favorite animal is NOT an ocelot it's a serval but his idiot friends didn't care enough to put any thought into it (and servals don't exist in minecraft 😔) serval Lukas supremacy

Petra's prolly got a whole lotta scars under all those freaking layers she wears. Adventuring in the Nether, especially alone is not easy and you probably wouldn't come out of there unscathed

I'm a firm believer in Lukas was pining over Jesse for a while so he tried to not be mean to his friends but his own friends suck so bad. Aiden literally made me want to punch a hole in the wall and I left him to die in sky city <3. Lukas fell first for a while and it was bad. It was real bad. My guy was oblivious to his own feelings but Jesse was even more oblivious </3 he's a little slow in that department but they get there eventually

I'm also hopping on the gay Lukas and bi Jesse bandwagon. Petra is a lesbian, Olivia is pan and Axel is prolly straight. Idk I don't find him to be very interesting past his main arc in s1 but I haven't seen s2 yet so. NO SPOILERS!!

It's been foreshadowed before that Lukas is somewhat interested in history (Jesse makes a comment on how much he loved seeing the statues in Soren's cave and the giant library, he's so silly) when he isn't going on adventures or being a fag he's reading some kind of history book or looking at ancient artifacts he collects (like rocks <3) (can you tell im projecting) (im not trust)

Jesse can't sing for shit and neither can any of his friends. When they harmonize it's so bad it sounds astonishing - compared to Lukas who's va can sing his ass off. Angelic voice x the sound of god dying solidarity <3 (also the gorgeous brown eyes + the blue eyes that stare into your soul)

The amount of TENSION when Jesse and Lukas had that last talk before Lukas went to find his friends was so thick. I could feel it through the screen. "I'll always find my way back to you" HELLO? (ik that isnt the direct quote but its close) they shouldve kissed. Fuck you

There's just tension in general. Everyone can sense it except for them. Even Axel. Who's prolly straight or smth idk i'm working on that

Olivia is both their wingman. She confronts Lukas first and he can't deny it without looking stupid, and then Jesse starts questioning his life choices and she gets to work. It is a very long. Slow. Process. But it's worth it!!

That's all I can think of for now, tune in next time for more on the next episode of dragonball z

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

[Tristen propped himself up as the door handle rattled obnoxiously, his brief intrigue disappearing as he realised who was struggling with it. Oscar and Courtney were convinced this place was haunted, but he’d need some proof before jumping on that bandwagon] Robin: Hi. Tristen: Hey. [Robin clambered beside Tristen, offering him a half-eaten lollipop; he politely declined] Tristen: I’ve already brushed my teeth, buddy.. you keep it. Robin: Okay. Tristen: Isn’t it past your bedtime? [Making himself comfortable, Robin completely ignored Tristen’s question, studying him intently instead] Robin: Mama reads to me when I don’t feel good. Tristen: Awh, that’s nice. Robin: You’re sick like papa, aren’t you? But worser. Tristen: Uh… Robin: In here. [Slightly dumbfounded, Tristen raised a brow as Robin pointed to his head. He didn’t think Oscar would’ve taught such a young child about addiction, not yet at least-.. but he must have said something] Tristen: I guess so.. I’m alright though. Oscar: I hope you knocked before waltzing on in here, mister. Tristen: It’s okay. [Oscar plonks himself beside Robin, stealing his lollipop; how villainous] Oscar: Where’d you get this? Robin: I found it. Oscar: That’s nasty, pal. Robin: You’s eating it too. Oscar: ‘Cause I’m nasty-.. he’s not bothering you is he? [Tristen shook his head, still wearing a slight look of bewilderment] Oscar: What’s up? Tristen: Erh.. he’s pretty smart, isn’t he? Oscar: [snorts] Too smart.

[olderthannetfic]

Thinking about the asks a while back regarding accepting ex-antis. Obviously they are just as welcome in fandom as anyone, and they make fine acquaintances spotted in passing.

But, I think antis who decide they're not antis anymore often seem like they decide this about themselves at the drop of a hat? Like, they have one conversation, or two conversations, and they think "Ohh, people are mad at me when I say they should be jailed for fanfic crimes? Okay! I don't believe that anymore! I changed my mind!"

That's a very serious thing about which to change your mind in a hot second. Of course, on the one hand, I'm pleased: I think having stupid pissfights about the evils of shipping, in a reality where I walked to the bookshop and bought The Misfortunes Of Virtue when I was 13 and nobody even noticed let alone cared, is fucking stupid.

But on the other hand, I think this is the crux of my mistrust: I have not yet been convinced to "change my mind" about a sincere, core belief because someone yelled at me and made me feel bad. And it's hasn't been for a lack of yelling.

I feel like this kind of dime-stop turn from antis is really about conforming to stay safe from harassment and censure within a perceived in-group, and not about establishing a reasoned moral framework by which you want to act in the world. And it's fine to be a go along to get along and avoid thinking too much about moral issues and to change your mind whenever people get mad at you. But, you see, whatever new opinion that kind of ex-anti now espouses, if it's not a lie right now, it evidently might be in, like, ten minutes when someone else acts mad at them.

I'm not advocating for being mean to such people, obviously, and I don't even think you can necessarily tell someone who does this apart from someone who actually had a sincere and thought-out change of heart without pretty extensive acquaintance. I just think with a lot of people I see suddenly declare themselves not antis anymore... non-interaction is the way to go for me.

--

Much depends on how much they ever believed it in the first place.

If they don't have any strong belief other than wanting to hide from harassment, they can be pushed around again.

If, on the other hand, they were super into some dark fiction or something and using this crap to delay their kink awakening, if they can once accept themselves, they aren't going to swing back the other way.

Honestly, I expect most people to be cowards if they see someone bullying the person next to them. I expect people to jump on bandwagons. Antis are a particularly visible and douchey variety of this at the moment, but they're hardly alone.

I don't care about avoiding ex-antis because I think most of the issues with them can crop up with nearly anyone. But yes, there are often traces of One Right Way-ism and other annoying artifacts of their old views.

[janetbrown711]

Tonight at Eight

Both Pigsy and Tang have blind dates tonight at eight, and there surely isn't anything suspicious about that at all

Ao3 Link

Pigsy dried off a chili-sauce stained bowl with a well worn washcloth and an eye heavy on the clock. It was barely 3:00 pm, but all Pigsy could think about was how he was closing up shop around 6:30 for a very, very important… date.

Heavens, it felt so embarrassing to admit to himself. Here he was, ill-tempered Pigsy, owner of the well-loved business Pigsy’s Noodles, father of a five-year-old, someone fully convinced his life had ended ten years ago, going on a date.

It felt childish, and it didn’t help that he’d basically dropped the idea of romance and love since Sandy–

No, he wasn’t going to think about that. He had something good to look forward to for once, and he wasn’t going to let the past ruin it… yet. Maybe. Who knows?

Pigsy sighed, adding the bowl to the clean pile and scolding himself for acting like such a teenager. He had work to do.

“You alright, Pigsy?” Tang asked innocently from his place at the bar.

Pigsy went to answer, but instead his grandmother laughed from the booth where she and Xiaotian were sitting.

“Jiejie is planning on closing early today for a ‘special event’.” She grinned at her grandson, who felt like he could just die at this point, but decided scrubbing the grill would be more productive.

“What? Psh, that’s impossible! Everyone knows Pigsy would rather die than close before ten,” Tang teased with a cheeky grin that made the chef roll his eyes.

“Bullying is reserved for family or paying customers, Tang,” Pigsy retorted.

“I’ll pay his tab then, Jiejie. Goodness knows that boy needs some meat on his bones.” His grandmother snorted and Tang turned pink, all while Xiaotian giggled.

“So– um–” Tang cleared his throat to ease off the embarrassment, “What’s this ‘special event’?”

His grandmother scoffed again and joined Tang by the bar, which Xiaotian was quick to follow with his crayons and coloring book in tow. “Good luck getting an answer out of him. He won’t even tell me.”

Pigsy rolled his eyes. “Can’t a man have privacy anymore?”

“Ahhhh, but if you don’t tell me, what will I talk about with the ladies at mahjong?” His grandmother shook her head, which made Xiaotian giggle more.

“Oh, does that mean it's something embarrassing?” Tang fully hopped onto the teasing bandwagon.

“No, it just means it’s personal, is all,” Pigsy huffed, eyeing a customer as they walked in, and made his way to the register.

Tang laughed before his eyes went to his book. “Well, if it helps, I’m going to do something totally stupid and embarrassing tonight too.”

At that, Pigsy’s grandmother’s eyes lit up, and she took Tang’s hands into hers. “Like what? Dancing? One of those American rodeos? What?”

“Ah, well–”

“Sir? I’m ready to order,” said the woman across the cashier, and Pigsy shook his head to focus.

“Right, right– what can I get for you?” he forced a customer-friendly smile.

The woman ordered some beef chow fun, and by the time Pigsy started cooking again, Tang was on the brink of a confession.

“Come on, after all the meals I’ve bought for you? To support that big brain of yours? It’s bad enough little Jiejie is acting like his father right now.” She shot a dramatic glare at the chef, before turning back to Tang. “Must you add to my pile of old-womanly misery?”

“Alright, alright, fine. I’m… Heavens, this really is stupid, Miss Xiahui.” Tang covered his face with his hands before taking a breath. “I’m… going on a blind date with someone I’ve never met, and I don’t know what they look like, or what their name is, or literally anything else. I’m going to get murdered, aren’t I?” Tang blurted out, making the chef’s grandmother laugh.

“I’m very excited for you, dear! You know, I’ve been trying to get Jiejie to sign up for one of those ever since he dumped Wujing, but does he take my advice? No!” She gave an exasperated sigh.

“Not true. I opened up this place because of you,” Pigsy retorted from where he stood by the stove.

“Oh, sure, but when it comes to clothes or photos or vacations or even a park I think Xiaotian would like it’s all ‘oh that’s too far,’ or, ‘I’m dressed fine’ or even, ‘this makes me look ancient’,” she snipped right back.

“I know you never left the forties, Lǎolao, but the rest of the world has.” Pigsy rolled his eyes.

His grandmother sighed again. “You see what I put up with Tang? No respect! And I actually deserve it, unlike some people.”

“R-right! Well– at least no matter what, we know that my night’s plans are definitely more embarrassing than Pigsy’s, so…” Tang fiddled with his sleeves like he always did when he was nervous.

“A night of romance is nothing to be embarrassed about. Why, my late husband used to take me out dancing at this old French-style café– I think it was destroyed by the Red Guard though, which is a real shame, you know, it was the romantic spot in the city.” She sighed dreamily.

“That sounds wonderful, Miss Xiahui. My date and I are just meeting at this one restaurant by the park” Tang smiled and got back to his noodles.

“If I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you’re ruining your appetite,” Pigsy’s grandmother chuckled.

“Can’t let him know I’m a complete mess, right?” Tang laughed pathetically.

Pigsy rolled his eyes and teased, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I think it’s fascinating you can eat so much and manage to keep that whole ‘starving Victorian orphan’ look.”

Tang snorted. “Thanks.”

Pigsy winked and laughed before going back to check on how the noodles were doing.

“Oh, don’t mind Jiejie, he’s just jealous because he hasn’t had a date in six years.” The elderly woman patted Tang’s knee.

“For your information, I actually do have a date, and it's tonight, so you can cut out that whole teasing routine,” Pigsy quipped without thinking, and he could practically hear his Lǎolao’s jaw drop and eyes sparkle.

“You have a date tonight too?! Oh, this is just wonderful! Who’s the lucky person? Are they rich? Do they know you have your own business? Have you gone out with them before? Were they cute? Why wouldn’t you tell me about them! Jiejie, how could you not tell me you’ve been dating someone–! Are they actually ugly, and you were embarrassed to tell me? Look, it’s okay, Jiejie, sometimes it really is what’s on the inside that–”

“Lǎolǎo, please.” Pigsy turned and pleaded with her, pouring the customer’s noodles into a bowl and adding the vegetables.

“Oh, Jiejie, I’m just so happy for you, is all! My sweet little sunzi out in the world again! Maybe you can even find little Xiaotian a mother or another father! Oh, wouldn’t that just be lovely.” His grandmother hugged the coloring child, who looked around in confusion.

“Lǎolao, you’re going to crush the kid.” Pigsy’s face was dark red as he rang the counter’s bell and called out the order.

“Come on, I need some answers here. You know how boring my life has gotten since retirement,” his grandmother pleaded.

“Not much to say. It’s the first date, and I haven’t met them, either. Also, I thought you said you understood that I’m not Xiaotian’s–... you know,” Pigsy looked away as the customer took their food.

“Oh? A double blind date! Isn’t that lovely.” Lǎolao clapped her hands, completely ignoring his comment about Xiaotian. “Where to?”

“Some place they recommended.” Pigsy shrugged. “I don’t know much about it, but I don’t get out much.”

“Oh, this is so exciting! I almost wish I could tag along with both of you, but I have to take care of this little monkey man.” His grandmother smiled at Xiaotian and began to tickle him, filling the restaurant with loud squeals of delight.

Pigsy rolled his eyes with a chuckle, going to wash some dishes in the sink when he noticed Tang looking at him, tilting his head curiously. “What’s up?”

“Oh–! Nothing! I just– a date, huh? That’s huge, congrats.” The scholar smiled softly.

“Ah, it’s no big deal, really. I just… I don’t know. Heck, I don’t even know why I agreed to do this whole ‘blind date’ thing. It’s so strange not even knowing the person’s name,” Pigsy confessed.

“Hear you there. But in a way, I think that makes it easier to get to know them, you know? No images, fake names, it’s… comforting, in a way. Especially with the whole ‘background check’ feature so you know it’s less likely for anyone to be a serial killer, haha,” Tang rambled.

“Yeah, I guess that’s part of the reason I signed up too. I mean– that, and because I seriously never go out. Not that I necessarily want to go out more, but you know what I mean.” Pigsy snorted.

Tang laughed. “I do.”

Pigsy smiled before shaking his head and getting to those dishes.

“So… what’s your mystery person like?” Tang asked after a minute of dishwashing.

“Oh– well, you know… they seem real smart and stuff,” Pigsy hesitated to admit, glad to stay facing the sink, so Tang couldn’t see how red his face was becoming. “They’re kinda poetic too, but not in a traditional sense. I don’t even know if they know just how smart they are, it seems kinda natural to them. I dunno.”

“Oh, interesting.” He heard Tang laugh nervously. “I hope you have fun.”

After his face stopped feeling so hot, Pigsy finally asked, “What about you? What’s your mystery man like?”

“He’s really super sweet and considerate, you know? Not very technological, but– heavens, he always knows what to say. He’s also super funny and snarky, and he makes me feel all smart and important, which is crazy because like– it’s just me.” Tang blushed and looked down at his bowl. “He has no idea I’m practically broke. I’m kind of scared to bring it up, you know? Like– ‘hey, let’s go to dinner! Oh, and by the way I can’t afford anything so it’s all on you!’” Tang sighed. “I should probably just cancel…”

“What?! You can’t do that,” Pigsy immediately protested, getting his grandmother’s attention once more.

“What are you two talking about now?” She looked back and forth between the two of them.

“I was– ummm… considering canceling my… date?” Tang gave a sheepish smile, and Pigsy’s grandmother smacked him upside the head.

“Shǎchā! You are not doing that!” She scolded the scholar.

“Wha–?! Why not? I’m flat broke. I can’t even buy a garden salad,” Tang huffed, resting his elbows on the bar.

“So?” Pigsy snorted. “The payment is being lucky enough to enjoy your company, nothing more and nothing less. If he doesn’t accept, run out of the restaurant. Take his wallet if you can. Make him pay.”

Tang laughed. “That’s easy for you to say, anyone would be lucky to date a five-star chef.”

Pigsy rolled his eyes. “I am not a five-star chef–”

His grandmother interrupted him with a scoff. “My recipes are much better than anything that can be found in those froufrou places with the marble floors and glass ceilings– especially with your additions, Jiejie.”

“Gotta agree with your grandmother, Pigsy. Your recipes are one of a kind and anyone would be lucky to go out with a chef as amazing and talented as you.” Tang smiled with so much earnestness it made Pigsy’s cheeks flush again.

“Well, I think anyone’d be lucky to go out with anyone half as smart as you,” Pigsy countered, making Tang hide in his scarf a bit.

His grandmother had something of a smug look on her face when Pigsy glanced at her, but she quickly cleared her throat and started talking to Xiaotian about his drawing. The chef sighed, shaking his head and vowing to one day fully understand that woman.

“So… what time are you closing?” Tang ventured to ask.

“Around 6:30 to try and get some of that dinner rush money before kickin’ everyone out,” Pigsy glanced at the clock yet again.

“Smart. I’ll have to leave around 6 anyway to get ready and all too.” Tang fidgeted with his scarf.

“You going to want another bowl before then?” Pigsy couldn’t help but smirk a little.

“Har-har,” Tang rolled his eyes. “... but yeah, maybe.”

Pigsy laughed. “Don’t stress yourself, it’s a big day for us both.”

“Right, yeah.” The scholar smiled before going back to his current bowl.

Again, Pigsy’s grandmother looked amused at this, but when Pigsy looked, she acted like nothing was wrong and started complimenting Xiaotian’s drawing again.

Pigsy sighed, focusing back on his work as customers began to pour in once more. The chef managed to hold a steady pace that kept him fairly busy, though not busy enough to forget to make Tang another bowl of lo mein he teased him about. Tang ate, Xiaotian colored (even showed a handful to Pigsy when he could), his grandmother gossiped about some of the mahjong ladies, and overall it was a pretty solid work day. He wished Tang the best of luck on his way out, and wished some of that for himself when he closed the restaurant.

“So, you really are going on a date, aren’t you?” His grandmother teased as Pigsy locked the iron security shield.

Pigsy rolled his eyes. “I appreciate your trust in my honesty.”

“I’m just making sure before I get my hopes up. Heaven knows this only happens once in a blue moon,” she teased, making Xiaotian giggle.

“What’re you laughing at, mister?” Pigsy put his hands on his hips dramatically, making the kid laugh more.

“He’s laughing at the fact that you haven’t been on a date since before he was born, isn’t that right, my little dumpling?” Lǎolao pinched his cheeks, which made him whine and go behind Pigsy.

“Lǎolao–”

“I know, I know. It’s not my fault he’s as cute as a button, you know,” She defended herself before Pigsy rolled his eyes again and picked the kid up.

“Miss Xiahui is a lot like my mother, you know? No respect for boundaries. I’m so sorry you have to spend all night with her,” Pigsy apologized dramatically.

“S’okay! She lets me have cookies.” Xiaotian grinned wide, making the chef immediately give his grandmother a look.

“I’ve already told you it’s not my fault he’s so cute.” His grandmother raised her hands in defeat, making the chef roll his eyes yet again.

“If he gets cavities, you’re paying the dentist bill,” Pigsy huffed and started walking home.

“He’s not going to get cavities, Jiejie. Xiaotian knows how to brush his teeth very well, don’t you, dear?” Lǎolao patted the boy’s head as he nodded.

“Right,” Pigsy said. “Let’s just get home.”

“Yes, yes! We have to get you good and ready for your date! Oh, I’m so excited.” Lǎolao had dropped the teasing for genuine elation. “You know, I think if I looked I could find one of your grandfather’s old suits. Oh, you’d look just so handsome in it.”

“Oh, wow, Lǎolao, that’s really not–”

“Necessary? Of course it is! Tonight is a momentous occasion and I want my grandson to look his absolute best.” She ignored his protest and practically marched the rest of the way to their apartment.

Pigsy gave a nice, long sigh. “You’re gonna have a long night, kid.”

“No bedtime?” Xiaotian’s face lit up.

“Who knows.” Pigsy snorted and picked up the pace to follow his grandmother (who, for someone in their 80s, was rather spritely).

When they got home, his grandmother quickly pulled out old boxes and had him try on three suits before finally finding a Western Style from the 40s. His grandmother also gave him gold square cufflinks, as well as a blue and pink floral tie. He managed to at the very least convince her to let him wear his own socks and shoes, and after she spritzed him down with peach perfume, the look was finished.

“Lǎolao, you don’t have to do this, my suit is plenty good,” Pigsy pointed out as his grandmother straightened out his suit coat, looking like she was going to cry.

“No, no. You look absolutely perfect.” She smiled, finally stepping back to admire her work. “Your date will absolutely love you.”

“Lǎolao.” Pigsy’s face turned tomato red.

His grandmother chuckled. “I suppose we could use a third opinion.” She tapped her chin, before calling Xiaotian in from the living room, and in a moment, the five-year-old pattered over. “Xiaotian, do you think Pigsy looks nice?”

Xiaotian gave two thumbs up and a toothy grin. “Fancy!”

“See? You look perfect.” His grandmother smiled and patted Xiaotian’s head.

“I never said I looked bad, I’m just saying it’s– it’s a lot, and I really don’t know if I need Waigong’s suit–”

“Nonsense, Bajie. He’d want you to have it.” His grandmother cupped Pigsy’s cheek.

“It’s… a blind date from an anonymous chat site, Lǎolao. I really don’t think–”

“You never know, Jiejie. You could be meeting the love of your life,” She hummed.

“Right… sure,” Pigsy agreed to drop his protests for the sake of not dampening his grandmother’s spirits.

The elder pig demon smiled again, patting Pigsy’s cheek twice. “Now, let me find my camera; I want to capture how handsome you look.” She winked and left the room.

“Lǎolao, I really don’t have time for– never mind.” Pigsy shook his head when he realized she was just going to insist. He sighed, giving himself another once over in the mirror and adjusting his tie.

“You really think this isn’t too much, kid?” Pigsy asked Xiaotian.

The boy shook his head. “You look like a detective!”

Pigsy laughed, realizing Xiaotian was 100% correct. “All I’m missing is the hat, darn.” He snapped his fingers playfully.

“And a gun,” the boy giggled.

“Ahhhhh, that might be a bit much kiddo,” Pigsy chuckled, ruffling the kid’s hair. “You gonna be okay with just Lǎolao tonight?”

Xiaotian nodded. “We’re gonna watch Monkey Empire.”

“Again? Didn’t we just finish that?” Pigsy raised a playful eyebrow.

“Yeah, but I wannaaaaaa,” Xiaotian explained eloquently.

“Fair enough. Just don’t let Lǎolao spoil you too much, alright? And make sure you brush your teeth extra good, and put all your toys away for her. I’ll check on you as soon as I get back,” Pigsy said, fixing the kid’s hair since he just messed it up.

“Okie dokie, Piggy.” The boy grinned again.

“Found it!” Pigsy’s grandmother finally called from the other room, and she was back in a flash.

“Oh, you just look so handsome, I could eat you right up, you know that? Your date is a very, very lucky man,” the woman chuckled as she took a photo, not even waiting for him to pose or smile.

“‘Man’? I don’t know their gender,” Pigsy pointed out, but she just waved her hand and snapped another photo.

“Xiaotian, go join Bajie, I want to get my two favorite, most handsome boys together,” she instructed and Xiaotian ran to Pigsy. The chef scooped him up and they both smiled for the camera.

After a few photos were taken, Pigsy glanced at the clock and said, “Alright, are we done? I’m gonna be late soon.”

“Yes, yes, you can go,” His grandmother sighed dramatically– though snapped another photo anyway.

Pigsy rolled his eyes, setting Xiaotian back down before kneeling to his level.

“You promise to be good for Lǎolao?” He asked the five-year-old, who nodded seriously. “Good. I’ll see you later tonight, kiddo.” The chef smiled and stood before Xiaotian grabbed his pant leg.

“I’ll miss you,” Xiaotian whispered, and Pigsy… wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that.

“I’ll… be back soon, kid. Don’t stress yourself,” he finally said, patting the kid on the head again.

“Besides,” Lǎolao said, getting the kid to look at her, “you have a very fun night planned with your Lǎolao, and we’re going to have lots of fun, aren’t we, Xiaotian?”

“Yeah! We’ll watch Monkey King!” The kid grinned once more, making the elder pig demon chuckle.

“We most certainly will. And we’ll eat lots of cookies and candy and break lots of Bajie’s silly rules,” his grandmother enabled the kid’s natural desire for rebellion.

“You’re killing me, you know that?” Pigsy half-joked, arms crossed.

“It’s what keeps me young,” Lǎolao teased right back.

“Right.” Pigsy rolled his eyes. “Well, I gotta get going so–”

“WAIT!” Xiaotian suddenly shouted, running out of the room, while Pigsy and his grandmother just looked at each other in confusion. They didn’t have to wait long, though, as Xiaotian was back in the matter of seconds with a drawing in his hand.

“For luck!” He explained, handing it over.

Pigsy accepted the offering, laughing when he saw it was a very crude drawing of Xiaotian, Pigsy’s grandmother, Tang, and himself all eating noodles at the restaurant with even cruder hearts everywhere.

“I love it, kid. I’ll put it right here for safe keeping,” Pigsy complimented, folding the drawing so it fit right by his pocket square, which made Xiaotian so happy that, before Pigsy could prepare himself, the kid hugged him.

“Have fun!” Xiaotian grinned nice and big before stepping back and waving.

“I will.” Pigsy waved a little and headed to the door.

“Yes, have lots of fun! I expect to hear about tonight in great detail tomorrow!” His grandmother waved as well, to which Pigsy laughed and shook his head before exiting the apartment door and heading out into the night.

.o0o.

Pigsy arrived at the restaurant at exactly 7:57, three minutes early and before his date. The place was classy, but clearly small and not quite known in the public sphere yet. There was no need for a wait or reservation, so Pigsy was taken to an outside table for two by the fountain.

He could see why this mystery person would pick a place like this. It was nice, but hidden away, and not too expensive. His person was sensible and romantic, and this choice was a reflection of that.

Pigsy opened up the website on his phone, telling his date he’d arrived and got a table, before he settled himself down to wait and think (his favorite activity!).

Pigsy was totally going to fuck this night up.

He hadn’t been on a date in years, and even then, the ones he’d had with Wujing were full of personal mistakes he wasn’t keen on repeating. He knew for a fact he was going to sound incredibly stupid, especially in comparison to his eloquent partner, but that was hardly the least of his worries. Maybe he’d get too angry at something, and it would totally freak them out, or he’d bring up Xiaotian, and they’d hate that he had a kid (even though he wasn’t his kid technically, he was just his guardian, but that would also probably scare them away, creating a perfect lose-lose situation). And heavens, that wasn’t even mentioning the fact that there was a good chance Pigsy forgot to even tell them he was a demon– he was so unbelievably stupid like that.

At exactly eight o'clock, the waiter stopped by and dropped off two glasses of water before disappearing. Pigsy tried his best not to chug it immediately, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t get thirsty when he was nervous. To try and force himself not to, he kept tracing the rim of his glass again and again and again, while keeping an eye on the door.

A part of the chef wondered if his date stood him up. There were a handful of people already here; maybe his date had arrived, saw Pigsy, realized their date was a hideous pig demon, and simply slipped away. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time…

No, no. Pigsy had to wait and be rational. He needed to remember the little drawing in his suit pocket reminding him it was all going to be fine, even if it wasn’t fine, and he’d be okay. So instead of completely losing his mind and worrying to death, Pigsy placed a hand against the pocket that held the drawing and took nice, long breaths before taking a casual and normal drink of water.

However, just then, the restaurant’s door flung open, and Pigsy’s heart practically leapt into his throat as he saw–

Tang…???

No… no, yeah, that was Tang all right, panting with his back against a wall before he looked around the space. When he saw Pigsy, the scholar seemed to share the exact same confusion, head tilting, but he eventually approached the lone pig demon.

“Hey, Pigsy… What’re you doing here?” Tang asked, still catching his breath.

“Same as you, I guess,” Pigsy looked at the fountain, face turning red.

“Right, yeah! Man, that’s one hell of a coincidence, isn’t it?” Tang laughed.

Pigsy laughed as well. “Guess there aren’t many romantic spots left in the city.”

“Guess not.” Tang fidgeted with his scarf, looking around the restaurant.

“Your date not here yet?” Pigsy guessed.

Tang shrugged. “They said they were, but I don’t see them anywhere.”

“Maybe they just lied and said they were here when they’re really just on their way, I used to do that all the time.” Pigsy snorted.

“Yeah, maybe,” Tang laughed. “You– uh– don’t mind if I sit here for right now, do you?”

“Be my guest. You could use the water anyway,” Pigsy teased, and Tang graciously accepted the seat and water.

“I just– I don’t know, me and them agreed to meet here at eight, and I planned to be here at eight o’clock sharp, so I just– I don’t know. Maybe they stood me up– god, that would be so embarrassing,” Tang whispered that last bit to himself.

“Hey. Relax. You’re only five minutes late, and they aren’t even here yet. Besides, they’d have to be a complete moron to stand you up, of all people,” Pigsy pointed out.

Tang rolled his eyes with a little smile. “Yeah, yeah, thanks. Where’s your date?”

“Late, probably. Or maybe we’ve both been stood up, wouldn’t that be something?” Pigsy mused.

“Misery does love company,” Tang laughed sadly.

“He’ll show, I’m sure of it.” Pigsy tried his best to sound comforting.

“Thanks. I’m sure yours will too.” Tang did his best too.

Pigsy nodded, pulling out his phone again and checking to see if they’d messaged him yet, but he was greeted with the exact same screen as minutes before.

He sighed.

“So, you said your date picked this place?” Tang asked out of the blue.

“Uh– yeah. I’ve never been.” Pigsy shrugged.

“I’ve only been here once or twice, but their mango pudding is to die for; though, it’s not as good as yours or your grandmother’s,” Tang stated like it was obvious.

“Funny, my date recommended the mango pudding too. Must be really popular,” Pigsy recalled.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was, it’s amazing.” Tang fidgeted with his scarf again before pulling out his phone. “Though, I gotta ask– why would you agree to a restaurant? You always hate eating out?”

“It was a very persuasive review.” Pigsy snorted. “Besides, I didn’t wanna sound like a hard ass or anything, and it's not like I had any better ideas.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” the scholar assured, typing something.

Pigsy sighed, looking around the restaurant at other couples drinking wine and being all couple-y, when his phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “Sorry I’m late! Where are you? Just got here.”

Pigsy looked around, and not seeing anyone by the door, he frowned, quickly replying:

FineCuisine81: “Check the outside section.”

“You messaging your date too?” Tang laughed.

“Yeah, they said they’re here, so…” Pigsy trailed off.

“Oh! So’s mine, so I should probably– like– go, haha,” Tang said, already standing.

Pigsy just smiled somewhat sadly as the scholar shuffled away, not giving the pig demon a glance.

Whatever, he was sure it wasn’t personal (or– he hoped, anyway) and so pulled out his phone to find another message.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “Where are you sitting?”

Pigsy looked around only briefly before sending:

FineCuisine81: “By the fountain in the middle section.”

Pigsy tapped his fingers anxiously against the table, staring at his screen intently as three dots bounced around.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “There's a lot of people here. I guess I should also ask what you’re wearing too, haha”

“More like lots of humans,” Pigsy muttered to himself.

No– Pigsy couldn’t be bitter, he was supposed to have fun. It didn’t matter if his date was looking around and clearly expecting a human, it was–

Pigsy placed his hand on his breast pocket and took deep breaths, reminding himself he was fine and loved, and he’d be okay.

FineCuisine81: “Old blue western suit and a floral tie.”

He waited with bated breath, barely even daring to glance around to see if his date was actually looking for him or not. He did catch another glance at Tang, which the scholar returned with a funny shrug that Pigsy returned, before they both just went back to their phones.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “I still don’t see you. You aren’t lying about being there, are you?”

Pigsy knitted his eyebrows, almost offended if he didn’t understand how bad first date jitters could be.

FineCuisine81: “I promise I’m not.”

Pigsy wasn’t even sure he was breathing anymore with how nervous he was watching the screen. At one point, the waiter stopped by to try and ask him if he was ready to order, but he pushed them away immediately.

A minute passed, then two.

Then–

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “Are you sure you’re at the right restaurant? The Huayuan Restaurant? The one on Lianren Road?” FineCuisine81: “I promise.”

Pigsy bit his cheek. He knew it wouldn’t be enough– maybe he needed to do something.

FineCuisine81: “What are you wearing? Maybe I can find you.”

Pigsy barely had to wait a second for a reply.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “Red and gold tang suit with embroidery along the sleeves and sides. Also glasses lol.”

Pigsy paused, because that–... No… No, it– it couldn’t be, Pigsy would know if it was Tang. There– there would be signs. He’d know. Pigsy wasn’t that stupid.

He saw Tang circling around the fountain again, and this time when he locked eyes with Pigsy the scholar sighed and sat across from him once more.

Tang suit. Gold embroidery. Glasses.

“I’m pretty sure my date is just lying about being here at this point. I mean– I’ve circled the entire place like– ten times, but I just– I’m a little glad your table is still empty too.” Tang laughed like he was going to cry.

Holy fucking shit…

“I-I– Tang, I’m–” Pigsy was utterly dumbfounded because the man sitting in front of him was his mystery man– the fiercely intelligent and kind soul he had spent months chatting with, being too scared of what he’d think if he saw his appearance. Iit was him. It was Tang.

“A-are you okay? You look a little shaken,” Tang laughed again, this time picking up a napkin to wipe his eyes.

Pigsy didn’t think, just grabbed Tang’s hands and stroked them with his thumbs.

“Wha–? Pigsy? Are you alright?” The scholar was clearly startled, but didn’t break the grasp.

“Tang, I-I– It’s– I’m–” Pigsy growled in frustration, words alluding him.

“Yes…?” Tang asked softly, his eyes sparkling like diamonds against the night sky and glasses.

Pigsy took another breath, feeling warmth radiating from Xiaotian’s drawing as he did, and said, “1940’s western suit. Floral tie.”

Tang pulled back a little, opening his mouth to speak, before he looked Pigsy up and down. It only took seconds before his eyes widened with recognition.

“No… no, no– you–? Me? No, you– you wouldn’t, I–” Tang shook his head. “I appreciate you trying to save my night, but–”

“Tang. My username was ‘FineCuisine81’ because I’m a chef and was born in 1981. I didn’t bring up the restaurant or Xiaotian or my grandmother or– much of my past really because you know I’m pretty hesitant about most of it,” Pigsy pleaded for him to understand.

“I-I– you– you wouldn’t–”

“C’mon, Tang. You know me– you know my snark by now, don’t you?” Pigsy tried to joke, but Tang snagged his hands away to cover his face.

“Pigsy, I-I– did you look me up? Is this some kind of– sick joke? Getting payback for all those stupid bowls of noodles?” The scholar was crying by now.

“Tang! I would never– I didn’t know it was you, but now that I do, I– I couldn’t be happier, I swear.” Pigsy smiled despite his overwhelming worry.

Tang shook his head. “No– I’m– I’m not good enough for you– I’m such a mess a-and I’m broke a-and scrawny a-and anxious a-and–”

“Tang, you’re plenty good enough– you’re so much better than me, anyways,” Pigsy laughed and sniffled. “You’re so smart and kind and likable and–”

“B-but you’re really nice too! A-and you have a real job that pays well and a loving grandmother a-and you’re a guardian– and me? I’m just some loser with a nose in a book,” Tang interrupted.

“We– There’s a reason we wanted to meet our ‘mystery person’, Tang. We both saw… something in them– something that made us want more” Pigsy smiled as he wiped away one of the scholar’s tears. “I… I really don’t want to throw that away because I’m scared.”

Tang finally opened his eyes enough to get another good look at Pigsy. It was terrifying to be inspected by him, but Pigsy managed to hold strong and met his gaze with a soft, tearful smile that eventually got Tang to laugh and shake his head.

“We are so stupid, aren’t we?” He asked, and Pigsy removed his hands.

“Oh, absolutely,” Pigsy couldn’t help but agree. “But hey– I’m sure Lǎolao’ll love to hear it took us a whole fifteen minutes to realize we were here for each other.”

“Oh, heavens, she’s never going to let that go, is she?” Tang copied the pig, the redness in his face starting to leave.

“I’m pretty sure she’ll hold it above us until the day she dies,” Pigsy chuckled. “On the bright side, though, at least we’re both idiots.”

“Fair enough.” Tang smiled and looked at the fountain. “I just– I really picked out a restaurant– I am so sorry, this food is going to be trash compared to yours.”

“Bah, I’m sure that’s not true if you like it.” Pigsy winked.

Tang’s face went red again. “Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure; I like instant ramen.”

“Only because it’s so cheap.” The chef snorted.

“You don’t know the depths of my depravity,” Tang refuted.

“Well, I’d certainly like to. That’s why we’re still here, isn’t it?” Pigsy wiped his own face.

“Y-yeah! It– it is.” Tang smiled shyly. “I just– wow, I’m so embarrassed. I mean, the suit, the tie–”

“Hey, how’s about we just forget about fifteen minutes ago, and start over, okay? No guilt, no anxiety, nothing. Just us having a nice evening out,” Pigsy proposed.

Tang thought about it for a moment before nodding. “I’d like that a lot, Pigsy.”

“Then, it’s settled. We drove here together and the waiter sat us together, and we’re now deciding which wine to order together. That good?” Pigsy asked.

Tang nodded. “Sounds perfect, Pigsy.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more.”

[chronotopes]

jumping on the aivide au questions bandwagon to ask if you would be willing to talk more about navy aivide? i keep rotating my ideas of what that might look like in my mind... i want to know more...

Navy Aivide is one of my favorites!!

(big spoilers for Aivide chapter 4 and also general yapping under the cut)

This begins as another simple point-of-departure AU: during her deranged morning after phone call in chapter 4, Nora freaks out and confesses to Terift that she fucked her moirail. Well aware of the fact that his daughter just fucked up severely but a little too sentimental to disinherit her, Dad Of The Year Terift Fleuré blames the situation on Aivide and immediately forces her to enlist into the navy through a combination of blackmail, appeals to guilt, and outright threats. Aivide is trying not to think about it too much in chapter four but she already feels like a fucked up and pathetic predator for agreeing to have sex with Nora even though that situation was not initiated by her, simply because it's humiliating to sort of secretly want something, get it for a little while, and then have it taken away the next morning. In those circumstances, it would not take much for Aivide to become convinced that getting as far away from Nora as possible is for the best for everyone.

While this is a really depressing beginning for the AU it actually ends up being one of the most Aivide-friendly points of departure. Navy work is no picnic, obviously, but Aivide lands on the Ysaora post-Vinbre fallout and immediately gets taken in by Officer Cinhly, who is very used to playing dad to traumatized and scared teals. And while this wasn't an element of the AU that Esther and I conceptualized originally because my favorite background couple didn't exist yet, Aivide falls in with Javien and Amiari pretty organically and becomes their third wheel pretty fast. In another world, Aivide and Amiari in particular could have been really good friends. Aivide knew both of them at the academy; she respected Amiari because ey was very smart and focused, and thought Javien was goofy because at school Javien was clearly never super into his chosen subject and liked the social and symbolic aspects of college more than the learning parts, whereas Aivide was heart and soul dedicated to Enjoying It at least in her first sweep. Knowing the two of them in the navy context makes her learn new things about both of them and connect with them in a way that is... genuinely quite sweet.

The original narrative focus of Navy AU is that it's a classic Aivinbre Is Better AU. It was conceptualized prior to the end of Vinbre the Novel or the start of Vinbre the Epilogue being written as they stand right now, so I don't know how much this holds, but for the sake of relaying the original story arc I will say that Aivide knows the Violet-Facing version of what happened on the Ysaora and eventually gathers her girl detective skill enough to ask Amiari about eir side of what happened. Amiari was sworn to secrecy by Officer Cinhly but the two of them become close enough friends that ey tells Aivide the truth anyway (with a further act of Swearing To Secrecy involved, of course.) With her introduction to Vinbre being Amiari saying "she was a great boss and she got fucked over by a horrible violet" rather than [IMAGINE SOME KEY PLOT POINTS FROM AIVIDE THE EPILOGUE HERE, I PROMISE I'LL WRITE IT ONE DAY], and this being an Aivide that knows really really well what it's like to be fucked over by a violet, Aivide is immediately sympathetic to Vinbre and manages to track her down.

I don't know how and when exactly they get in touch, that depends on when in the Vinbre the Epilogue timeline Vinbre would be amenable to getting in touch, but I think Aivide tracks down Vinbre (#girldetective) soon after she starts making public appearances as herself (we see some of this at in chapter five of ATP and have not gotten there in VTE), gets in touch with her, and... quite likes her. It's not uncomplicated, but coming to understand someone by a sympathetic account from someone who admires her and not through [WELL I BET YOU CAN GUESS!] makes a world of difference. In this world Aivide likes Vinbre for much the same reasons Aivide likes Sasara; she is fascinated by people who can move the world, people who can take decisive action, people who can take real risks. At the same time, this Aivide is closer to get properly in touch with Sasara – there is never an Optimizer title or a gala breakup that leaves Aivide guiltspiraling her way into ghosting her.

You may be able to gather it from those facts alone, but being forced to drop out of college and change the course of her life has the ironic effect of helping Aivide become something more of a master of her own fate a lot earlier than that turn happens in the canon universe. And despite the circumstances being 'terrifying ship at terrifying sea', having teal friends that Aivide relies on rather than feeling any pressure to compete with is wildly good for her. This is not a problem-free universe, especially when the game comes around and... uh-oh... aivide has to PICK whether she's team vinbre or team sasara? but she thinks both are so neat!!!!, but in SOME ways it is kinder to aivide than the canon.

also on a light-ish note at one point in this universe sasara kills terift as a cute favor to her nice teal spieté and nora is like "dad's dead, i'm sorry about everything, we can be together for real now!!!" and aivide is like... hmm. no thanks!

[muzaktomyears]

Inspired by the remarkable Astrid, John and Paul had returned from Germany with two new items in their baggage – cameras, which they had bought there. Their original intention may have been to try and capture in Liverpool some of the vividly contrasting studies in light and shade in which the artistic Astrid had specialized, but it didn’t exactly work out like that. At the Cavern they set themselves up as glamour cameramen – with distinctly sexual overtones.

John started the ball rolling, or rather the shutter clicking. He would single out a fan at one of our lunchtime sessions, chat her up and proposition her about posing for some pictures. Afterwards he would regale us with the intimate details. “Got her with her briefs on!” he would chuckle. “Couldn’t get her bra off – but cooooo!”

After this Paul decided to jump on the bandwagon. After the Cavern appearances out would come the cameras from their leather jackets and then the search for talent would begin. The pair of them were not yet advanced enough in photography to develop or print themselves so the films would go to a chemist – who frequently blacked out the more meaty poses and sent back only the decent ones. Those that escaped censorship usually showed girls straddling chairs, girls showing a leg or two, girls with a leg in the air, girls minus some of their clothing. One girl named Pat became so hooked that she went into business as a model, taking it all really seriously, which John and Paul certainly didn’t.

Although George and I didn’t take up the hobby we had the same sexual appetites and enjoyed the results of their endeavours which we all crowded round to see. John, who didn’t mind describing himself as ‘a great wanker from way back’ was highly delighted with some of his efforts. “I’ve had a great session,” he would tell us, “I pulled a couple of birds – but not a word to Cyn!”

Cynthia would often arrive at Mathew Street for our evening appearances – and so perhaps would a girl who had been posing for John in the afternoon. When the girl beamed a knowing smile his way he would switch off, as if he had never seen her before in his life or, if near enough, give a quick innocuous ‘Hello’, for fear of Cynthia stumbling on to his secret.

To us he would enthuse about the poses, with descriptive phrases such as: “When we started off she just sat on the stool. Then I got her to show a bit more leg, then a bit more. And then she took her sweater off. Fantastic afternoon – I’m buggered!”

“But you’ve only been taking photographs!” George or I would comment, mock-innocently.

A chemist who handed back only a few prints would be quickly upbraided with: “Where’s the rest of the reel?”

“Sir,” he would be told, “we do not print this kind of pornography.”

“What about the negatives?” John wanted to know.

“We’ve confiscated them.”

“Bloody prude,” was how John dismissed him.

He was convinced that these offending chemists were perverts at heart who spent most of their time ‘out back wanking themselves off’ over his labours in the cause of art.

“And what do I get out of it?” John would lament. “Just a bunch of these rotten stills!”

George and I would rib him: “But it’s the other ones we want to see – not these.”

“So do I,” he would grunt. “Sod off!”

We also used to send up some of the girls who posed for these budding David Baileys.

“Had your photographs taken then, have you?” we would wink.

“How’d you know?”

“Been looking at a couple of snaps. Still wearing black drawers?”

It was all in good humour and the girls knew damn well that the ‘art studies’ of them weren’t going to be kept under lock and key somewhere. These glamour sessions were usually held in accommodation provided by the girls. I doubt Paul’s dad would have stood for it at his home, or John’s Aunt Mimi at hers.

Beatle! The Pete Best Story, Pete Best and Patrick Doncaster (1985)

[girltalkcollectives]

The Barbie Aesthetic Is A Dangerous Illusion

The “Barbie aesthetic” everyone’s chasing on social media isn’t real. It never was. And it’s time we stop pretending it is.

Every time I open Tiktok or Instagram, I’m bombarded with another tutorial promising to help achieve that “perfect Barbie look.” Pink this, blonde that, unrealistic proportions everywhere. But let’s get one thing straight — we’re literally trying to emulate a plastic doll. A PLASTIC DOLL.

Do you know what it would take for a real human to have Barbie’s proportions? With her original measurements, she wouldn’t even be able to lift her head to walk upright. Her neck would be too thin to support her head, her waist too narrow to fit a single organ, and her feet so tiny and arched she’d have to crawl everywhere. But sure, let’s make that the beauty standard of 2024.

The math doesn’t lie: if Barbie were human-sized, her measurements would be physically impossible. We're talking about proportions that would literally kill a person. Yet here we are, with millions of young people filtering their photos, cinching their waists, and literally reshaping their faces to look more “Barbie-like.”

And don’t even get me started on how this aesthetic has been commercialized. Every brand jumping on the Barbie bandwagon isn’t celebrating femininity — they’re selling an impossible dream. They’re marketing perfection that doesn’t exist, convincing multiple generations that they need to look like something that was literally molded in a factory.

The real kicker? This isn’t about looking like Barbie anymore. It’s evolved into this toxic mix of impossible body standards, artificially enhanced features, and a very specific type of “pretty” that excludes literally 99.9% of human beings. The “Barbie aesthetic” has become code for thin but curvy, tall but delicate, perfect but natural, flawless but effortless. Make it make sense!

What kills me is watching people defend this as “just a trend” or “harmless fun.” There’s nothing harmless about promoting beauty standards that are literally unachievable without extensive editing, filtering, or surgical intervention. Nothing cute about making young people feel inadequate because they don’t look like a mass-produced toy.

Let’s be crystal clear: no amount of dieting, exercise, makeup, or filters will make anyone look like Barbie because BARBIE ISN’T REAL. She was never meant to be real. She’s a toy. A plastic doll manufactured in a factory. The end.

The “Barbie aesthetic” isn’t aspirational — it’s dangerous. It’s not a beauty standard — it’s a beauty LIE. And it’s time we stop pretending otherwise. We need to call this what it is: a harmful, unrealistic, and frankly ridiculous standard that needs to be dismantled.

To everyone creating content around achieving the “Barbie aesthetic”: you’re not helping. You’re not inspiring. You’re perpetuating a cycle of impossible standards that’s damaging real people with real bodies and real lives.

Instead of chasing an aesthetic based on a literal toy, how about we start celebrating the incredible diversity of human beauty? How about we acknowledge that looking like a plastic doll isn’t actually the compliment we’ve been conditioned to think it is?

The next time someone tells you to embrace your “inner Barbie,” remember this: you’re not meant to look like Barbie. No one is. And that’s not a flaw — that’s being human. That’s being real. That’s being alive.

Unfollow the accounts that make you feel less than. Step away from the filters that try to mold you into this plastic perfection. It’s time to realize that the most beautiful thing you can be is unapologetically, authentically yourself.

Because at the end of the day, the Barbie aesthetic isn’t just unattainable — it’s a distraction from the real beauty that exists in our differences, our “flaws,” and our humanity.

And that’s not an opinion. That’s a fact.

[deusexlachina]

Wannabe Warden Part 4 (Anders, Fenris and Isabela): Make good impressions by setting half my friends on fire

In which I exploit my police connections to safely recruit fugitives so I can get strong enough to convince a Grey Warden to come out of a retirement he wasn't allowed to have in the first place.

With Other Aveline in charge of the police and in my pocket, she gives me a bag of money and looks the other way to the numerous very illegal things I am about to do, all to get the muscle needed to get into the Deep Roads and become a Grey Warden. I take the money and tell her I look forward to working with her.

I use the money to pay a visit to Xenon the Antiquarian, an apostate with eternal life but without eternal youth, so unfortunately he cannot help me in my quest. At least, he can't accompany me. In fact, he helps me tremendously. In exchange for Other Aveline's "thank you money" to fund anti-aging research so he can not be a husk, he sells me the Anderfels Cleaver, an axe that deals fire damage. I don't mean it has some bonus fire damage. I mean all of its damage is fire. That means it's not affected by armour. Conventional defences mean nothing to the Anderfels Cleaver. Best of all, mabari are immune to fire, so me and my obscenely large hurtbox can safely swing away without killing my own dog. (Nightmare Ultra mostly doesn't have friendly fire, except for allies - only your squad is safe!).

I hear my mom's family home is now a front for Tevinter slavers, so I serve them an eviction notice in the form of the Anderfels Cleaver. Slavers are not immune to fire - in fact, they take extra damage, I guess because racist people can go burn in hell. All their heavy armour just serves as a shell to cook them in. Having cleared the slavers out of the family home, I scrounge up every penny, getting over 7 gold - a 140% return on the axe. This makes the Anderfels Cleaver a sounder investment than venturing into monster-infested tunnels and hoping to find treasure instead of monsters and diseases. But I'm not in this for the treasure. I'm in this to become a Grey Warden.

I invest the new gold into Maker's Sighs, a potion that resets all a character's skill choices so you can give them good ones instead of the literal garbage they were saddled with by default. I ditch Pommel Strike to get Cleave, a balanced skill that nearly doubles your damage for ten seconds on a twenty-five second cooldown. Bethany becomes a deadly ice mage. Other Aveline gets sick of tanking for me and goes offence by jumping on the Cleave bandwagon. Varric learns how to hit things when he shoots. My squad is an efficient fighting force, armed to the teeth and with Antivan Crow-level tactics. Unfortunately for Anders, he isn't part of my squad yet, so he hasn't learned to STAY OUT OF THE WAY OF THE MAGIC AXE THAT SETS PEOPLE ON FIRE. Anders Cannot Die Here because he is animated by a demonic version of Justice, which is good because otherwise I would have burnt him to a crisp several times over.

Anders' boyfriend, Karl, was already made Tranquil, which is like a whimsical equivalent of the lobotomy. Anders' possession by Justice temporarily unlobotomizes Karl, suggesting that there may be a cure for Tranquility. However, Anders unilaterally decides that There Is No Choice But To Kill Him, and Karl agrees, because being Tranquil falls in that Thedas euthanasia threshold between a stomachache and immediate death.

After this harrowing ideal, I flirt with Anders, hoping that being a Grey Warden can be transmitted sexually. He's impressed that I'm brave enough to flirt with a demon-possessed mage who just killed his last partner.

Unfortunately, he's not impressed enough to immediately induct me into the Grey Wardens, not least because he quit being a Grey Warden after they made him give up his cat.

To be clear, you're not allowed to quit being a Grey Warden. You're so not allowed to quit that Duncan stabbed a guy to death when he backed out in the initiation. This doesn't stop Anders from quitting, just as it doesn't stop Alistair from quitting if you hire Loghain, who doesn't attempt to quit the Grey Wardens despite his being recruited at least partly out of sheer spite for previously trying to kill them all.

In any case, Salrokka! Anders is back in the game. And with a Grey Warden in the party, replacing currently-weak Varric, things are starting to go in our favour. I help Fenris, a fugitive from Tevinter who was enslaved until sometime after his master infused his skin with powerful lyrium enchantments that make him a living superweapon who is especially resistant to magic, because sensible people don't own slaves in the first place. To put it mildly, Fenris has had a hard life, so I give him some shiny dark armour like he has in Blue Wraith. It's the least I could do.

With my help, and with Guard-Captain Other Aveline pointedly looking away, Fenris storms his old master's house to try and kill him. Unfortunately, instead of metaphorical monsters, all we find is literal monsters, who are not as cathartic to skewer. Because Fenris joined my squad, he is coordinated enough to stay out of the way of the friend-slaying Anderfels Cleaver. He is KO'd anyway because there's an Arcane Horror, but I save the day.

With Fenris, my squad is even stronger. I meet Isabela, who, just as she did years ago, single-handedly defeats several armed men in a cutscene. This is a nod to how overpowered she is. Trained properly, she's extremely deadly but also difficult to hit. Just like Good Queen Morwen.

Isabela has more mods than any other companion, but in accordance with Sturgeon's Law most of them are for making her white, because they were made by the real-life equivalent of Tevinter. Fortunately, you don't mind digging for treasure through piles of literal garbage like Hawke & Friends, you can find some neat stuff for Bela. One of my personal favourite looks is a combo that makes her heavier and armoured instead of her default look with a corset and a buttflap. ("That's just silly," I say, one run after making yet another goth girl PC) I could be sly and argue it's to reflect her amazing potential as a tank, but honestly, I just think this look is rad as hell.

Isabela is challenged to a duel by another pirate, but she expects him to cheat, so she hires me to protect her. This I sort of do. She is attacked, and I do engage her attackers, but she is not safe at all because I am using the Anderfels cleaver and repeatedly set Isabela on fire, with the Anderfels Cleaver, in the Chantry. I could make some laborious joke about Isabela being hot, or the fires of hell, but this is not a blog that makes cheap jokes. This is the caviar of Dragon Age 2 Let's Plays. You and me, we're refined people, and you deserve better. We don't laugh at cheap puns. We laugh at Isabela getting hit with a flaming axe and set on fire again and again and screaming and still not thinking to move away from the fire.

Isabela is a jolly good sport about this, perhaps because she lives in a world with powerful healing magic, making full-body burns the equivalent of a sprained ankle. After discreetly leaving the mass grave with a roast pirate aroma the Chantry has become, Anders patches her up and, I assume, gives her a sympathetic "first time?" smile. Who's to say he doesn't? I'm telling this story, and I can embellish as much as I please. I see why Varric does it. It's addictive.

[mysticalsoot]

Everything you've said on this situation is something I 100% agree and stand with and honestly is such a breath of fresh air to see after spending so much time in the official Lovejoy discord.

People in there were at first being civil with their opinions despite the tense emotions, but it's quickly turning into a "Fuck Wilbur" train since many are straight up convinced he was the one Shelby was talking about, while those trying to stay neutral or are wishing Wilbur luck in changing for the better should it actually be him are being attacked. Mods have been trying to calm the attackers down but it hasn't worked too well from what I've seen. And it's only gotten worse since one of the Sr Sootmods came out and said how they're all leaving their mod positions since they're also convinced he's the abuser. What especially hurts is that one mod went into the chat and even said "Abusers will always be abusers" as if people can't genuinely change for the better.

Also, while we're all here speculating and all that, what happens if it's officially confirmed that it wasn't Wilbur and was instead one of the many other British musicians who had an ant infestation and mold problem (both of which are very common problems in the Uk from what I've heard)? This isn't something you can fix with an "Oops sorry for jumping ship without proper confirmation." It just feels like it's quickly gotten to a point where "Damned if something is said, damned if not."

Sorry for rambling/ranting, but that discord group really got me heated up. Keep your chin up, king. You deserve the crown on your head for sticking to your guns and dealing with the assholes coming to you.

Honestly the more messages I get agreeing with me, the more I'm shocked. When I first started questioning things, I felt if I even uttered them to my sister I'd be crucified. So many people agree and support me and it's insane. It outweighs the hate by millions. (i say that as if my chest wasn't so tight earlier today that I couldn't breathe!)

i checked the lvjy server and wil's server earlier today. lvjy I didn't read much on, and when I found that wil's was closed, I wasn't surprised. i was told by an anon ask that the mods know more, but if they did, I feel as though they all wouldn't have waited until the rest of the internet said it was wilbur.

people can change. hurt people who hurt people can change. abusers are a different level, and oftentimes are unwilling to change or are aware they can. sometimes they do! I've seen it, abusers can change but it's so so so very rare.

but jumping on the bandwagon based on rumor and speculation and then saying that shit is not cool.

something I've been trying to say is that those who've left and abandoned ship will most likely regret it when and if things come out in favor of wil (which my gut leans to yes, but we'll see), theyll have to deal with the consequences of being rash.

i understand not wanting to support a possible abuser, but Shelby didn't say a name. she didn't say one for a reason, whatever that reason is, I don't know. and I have my own feelings on that but I won't voice them yet.

don't apologize for rambling, I understand your frustrations and I see you. thank you for the kind words and the support, it means a lot and it's helping me keep going<3 I will continue to say my piece until I can no longer do so, for whatever reason.

anon asks are off, don't try sending hate to me or the asker

[bonesandthebees]

I do not know where the I left off, so I am just starting with Sam. I find it very interesting that Sam and Ponk jump onto Tubbo’s bandwagon. We know very little about glass!Ponk because this is only the second time we see him so I can’t really talk about his motivations yet. Sam, however, we have seen one conversation with. And it’s the conversation where Wilbur learns that overloading Tommy’s lungs probably shouldn’t kill him. Sam said that and Wilbur used it to get passed Tommy.

He mostly used it as an excuse to convince himself that Tommy would be fine. But he did also use it to Phil and the other Deathlings. I wonder if that got back to Sam. I wonder if he feels guilty about it. If he feels like like he shouldn’t have said that around the Pythia. If he’s angry at him for abusing Tommy’s lungs. It’s clear Sam thinks the Pythia is a threat. He’s a prisoner and should be locked up. I think that’s been his opinion from the start. The killing him is probably just because Tubbo brought up not having a long-term plan. Now he’s not saying that killing him is their only option. He’s saying that it might be. And he’s not very happy about it.

None of them are actually. They realise that they fucked up. Even Tubbo isn’t trigger-happy. He’s trying to use his hatred for Schlatt, the Pythia’s position and his anger at Wilbur almost killing Tommy to justify it to himself. But then Phil and Techno come in and point out that they can’t just kill him. It would set them back to square one and mean they kidnapped and killed a guy for nothing. So Wilbur won’t be killed, but they still don’t have a plan.

It’s also interesting to see that we have Tommy, Niki, Jack and Aimsey actively against killing the Pythia even if he is a threat to them; Phil and Techno probably against killing him out of their own morals or opinions, but definitely against it because they don’t want a new Pythia to be chosen; Tubbo, Sam and Ponk for killing him mostly out of their own anger or fear, but still kind of resultant and easily swayed by logic; Ranboo who is spineless (and yes I will bring that up in every chapter I still need to get stars!Ranboo out of my system), but is probably against killing the Pythia as well.

Also, I hope all of them got an “oh fuck the Pythia is suicidal now” out of that conversation. I’m not saying that Wilbur is fully there yet but the recent realisations are getting him close and all the Deathlomgs should see those warning signs for what they are. I think most of them do too. Thought they might just take it as the Pythia trying to make things easier for himself.

Continuing where I left of (3/4)

-🌲

yup the thing is sam was suspicious of the pythia from the start. when they first met during the checkup on tommy's lungs, sam wasn't friendly towards the pythia. even still, what he said to tommy in front of the pythia led to tommy almost getting killed, so that only solidified sam's suspicions against him. he sees the pythia as a threat, and has since the start. so of course he's going to be a proponent of the whole 'we should kill him' plan. sam isn't necessarily pissed at the pythia for the whole nearly killing him thing though, because he knows anyone in a situation like that would be desperate. it's more that he's pissed at himself for saying that in front of him in the first place—the guilt thing like you said.

even then, sam doesn't want to kill him to be cruel. he just wants to keep the deathlings safe and knows that might be their only option. and that's where the entire argument comes from. no one wants to kill the pythia because they all recognize it's a fucked up thing to do. it's just a matter of how far they're willing to go to keep their group safe.

but of course even if they decided it was the best option, they can't kill him. because then they'd just get another pythia and the deathlings would be back at square one.

right about all of that including that ranboo is spineless lmao. he very much is against killing the pythia though. he's just not gonna say anything because he doesn't wanna be involved in the conflict.

oh there was definitely a collective "what the fuck" moment for the group when wilbur agreed with that. it's a slow build for the deathlings to realize just how fucked up wilbur is, but that was definitely a large piece to the puzzle for all of them to see.

[themurderofcrowscollective]

Still on that Damian and Bruce having father-son moments bandwagon... yeah I want to write more. This time, Damian simply ran away one night. Earlier that day, he and Tim were in a heated argument over a mission that could've gone better but was completed nonetheless. Usually their fights would result in the two distancing themselves and at the end of the day, they'd make up for their arguing and make sure to perform better on a mission. This time however, the fight was worse than usual. Damian was flaunting his 'I'm the blood son to Bruce, you're just a nobody who found his way into the family' statement and Tim retaliated but he took it a bit too far. " Oh yeah? I may not be Bruce's son, but at LEAST I proved myself worthy to be here! What have you done to prove yourself?? " Normally Damian would just bring up the whole 'I'm related to him' statement but given what they all have been through together, Damian felt a sharp pain in his heart. Emotionally. Is he worthy to be here...? Normally he'd convince himself that yes, he made himself worthy to be here but... he isn't the self-centered brat he was before years of becoming a better son and a better version of himself had taken place. Normally he'd take time to think about this. Normally he'd talk to his Baba about this. But he didn't. His emotions were so wrecked still after the timeline was restored, and he thought that he was fine but he just couldn't keep himself together. After the fight, Damian only stared at Tim with pain in his eyes before turning to run away. Tim felt bad immediately and went to chase after him, but he was only stopped by Jason who heard everything and gave him the biggest lecture of his life. Damian could've gone to Dick, Alfred, Cass, Stephanie or even Barbara, but he didn't. He didn't even go to Bruce and cling to him, sobbing and ranting about it. Instead he just ran to his room and shut the door, collapsing to his knees and sobbing into his hands. Hours go by and it's already 10 PM. Bruce had heard about Tim's words and gave him a lecture also, and he stood at the door of Damian's room. Knocking on it, he asks Damian if he could come in but there was no response except a slowly creaking door opening to reveal a messy room with clothes thrown everywhere and some of Damian's treasured possessions missing. On his bed was a note to his baba. 'Baba, I don't think I'm worthy enough to be part of this family. Tim was right, I've done nothing but be horrible to everyone and I can't stay here anymore. Please take care of everyone and the animals too.' - Damian This sends Bruce into fatherly panic, yes he knows his son could handle himself out there but Bruce is his dad, his baba and he can't help but feel panicked. Initiating a family emergency alarm on everyone's phone, the batfam gather in the batcave and Superman just so happens to be included in this too (since he and Batman are married). The emergency? Finding Damian before it's too late. You can imagine the arguments they have and telling Tim off for what he did, but lets get on over to Damian's POV. Right now he is just walking through the streets of Gotham, dressed as any other person and keeping his face hidden by a hood. His heart hurts and tear streaks mark his cheeks, his eyes are red and puffy from crying and his eyelids feel heavy. It's now 11:54 PM and no one's found him yet but one of them manages to catch a glimpse of what Damian's wearing, sending the photo through everyone's phones so now everyone is keeping their eyes peeled for him. 12:32 PM, Jason just so happens to find Damian huddled up near a trashcan fast asleep. He probably got tired from crying so much. Quietly Jason tells everyone that he found him, and that he's going to take him home, so everyone understands and stays quiet on the comms while Jason carries the sleeping child home. Who knew he cared? ~ Hours later... ~

[papirouge]

Hi, genuine question here for you been following a long time. I was wondering how one would prove why the God of the Bible is the true God of everything. For example, I've been told in the past the reason God is God is because the Bible said so and God wrote the Bible. But that argument doesn't resonate with me, because humans had to write it, inspired or not and it seems a roundabout argument, like, you could say God wrote the Talmud or wrote the Bhagavad Gita because they said so. Another one I heard was that to believe because of Pascal's wager where it's better to try to believe than not because there's no harm done if it's wrong but you'll lose it all. But that could work for any religion, how's it to not lead to the Quran vs. the Bible? What kind of argument or justification can one use? I know you're pretty knowledgeable on the subject as you're a Christian, but I just don't know how to get on that bandwagon just yet because I haven't seen very many arguments that aren't able to have holes poked into them.

Here's the shocker anon : there's no one on this planet who will be able to convince you of God existence.

There's a reason Jesus spoke into parables and that many of the people he professed to never got his message. Not everyone can understand God, and God Himself saves whoever He wants to. Sure, as Christians we have the duty to profess His words, but ultimately, God has the last word in whether people will actually accept His message or not.

That's why Faith is so important in Christianity. Trusting in Jesus being the son of God and that only the only true God YHWH, saves. Jesus said how blessed are the people who trusts without seeing actual evidence of God. Such as a centurion who trusted Jesus when he said his servant was healed, before he even came back home to check whether it was true or not.

Obsessively trying to find rationale evidence of Christianity being real is comprehensible and necessary, but it can also be a stumbling stone (uncredulousnes, hardening of heart, etc.). Never forget it was satan who was taunting Jesus into making miracles to make him fall.

And FYI what separates religion from cults or "spiritual philosophy" are the revealed miracles. Whether you believe it or not, multiplication of bread happened, people spontaneously speaking & understanding foreign tongues during the Pentecost happened. Jesus coffin being empty after 3 days happened. Because God was smart enough to put up witnesses to testify about it. Even Jesus haters acknowledged his 'powers' - they were just wrong to argue they were from the devil. Prophecies written by Jews happened too.

That's what separates judaism & Christianism from eastern 'religions' and cults. That's what give them an actual relevance and trustworthiness that other spiritual movement don't.

The only'way to know that God is God is to simply ask Him. The Bible isn't some magical book that will turb me you into a Christian just by reading it. That's a spiritual leap. And no, it's not accessible to anyone.

That being said, I've always found pretty troubling the stories of Muslim who, when genuinely asked God to show Himself (instead of their repetitive mindless rehashed prayers) they saw a cross, or a man... There's the story who happened in a MENA country where a toddler and her baby seebling got buried alive by their uncle who wanted to get rid of them after his sister (their mom) died. They survived SEVERAL WEEKS, and when they got found and everyone asked the little girl how they managed to remain alive so long, the little girl said a man with white close gave them bread and that their mom (their psycho uncle buried them in the same coffin as her) regularly woke up to breastfeed her baby sibling. It's said that when they found them, the mom looked like she was dead just moments ago, not since the severals weeks she actually did.

Waking up the dead? A man with a white robe? That was Jesus, babe. But OF COURSE the Muslims REFUSED to admit it and coped saying it was an angel or some stuff. You can't force someone to believe when they obvious is just there.

If you want actual evidence of YHWH being God, just ask him.

[ochre-sunflower]

What have you done! Okay...

I’m not 100% convinced of everything you said… but convinced enough to jump on the Metatron=Satan bandwagon for a while. Is there a bandwagon? Oh well, there is now. Let’s ride!

-

First I do agree that the bookshop didn’t go back to being safe just because the dark council members and Shax left. When Maggie invited them into the bookshop she invited ALL the demons in, which explains why the dark council and Beezlebub were able to just pop right on in. 

-

Said to the Metatron S2.06:

Crowley: “Oh, I know you. Last time I saw you, you were a giant, floating head, mind.”

The last time I recall Satan showing up was at the end of S1 where he was a giant angry red demon. So in order for this to be accurate, Crowley would have had to have seen him again (in his mind, I can get on board with that, we know from S1 that he can info dump right into Crowley’s brain). 

I don’t recall any interactions or really any mentions of Satan in S2, but that’s not to say they didn’t happen. You would think he’d be more interested in the demon who defied him, so I’d say some contact is highly plausible. 

-

The wording they both (Metatron & Crowley) seem to use, the similarities to getting others to fill in the blanks for them. That only Crowley the demon recognised who the Metatron was… these are all really good points. The interaction between the Metatron and Crowley in this short scene alone is enough to convince me it’s a possibility. 

I’d also like to point out that while Saraqael didn’t recognise him, she sure did notice something. And Saraqael is the angel that (biblically) has an iffy backstory. The name is mixed up with both the ‘bad angel' that taught humans forbidden knowledge, and that of an actual fallen angel. 

-

I can’t see the name-connections with Bildad the Shuhite. “The name Bildad has never been adequately explained” - Says some boring biblical scholar. Bildad (biblical) is one of Job’s friends who asks him what he did to deserve God's wrath and accuses him and his family of deserving it. Such a great friend! I love that it was Crowley.

-

If ‘A Perfect Day for Bananafish’ is indeed relevant, should we all be reading ‘The Catcher in the Rye?’ I mean…. It’s on the reading list. Now we just need to work on the gorilla, the shoelace, and the dash of nutmeg.

And while I don’t know if Aziraphale has clued in yet, I do believe that Crowley either has done (or will do) get a message to him. That whole last conversation has been sitting with me something odd since I first saw it, and I don’t know what it means! That is why we are all stuck existing here isn’t it, it’s the worst cliffhanger of the century! 

-

That's it, I guess. Wasn't all that helpful, but I'm here now! Metatron is Satan. Prove me right, prove me wrong. I'll be here!

Wrong Boy

What Bildad the Shuite, Mr. Dalrymple and Warlock's birthday party can tell us about what's going on in the 2.06 Final 15. Another post in a series about how "The Metatron" with Aziraphale at the end of S2 is actually Satan.

Warlock Dowling. The kid Crowley and Aziraphale took care of for a few years, believing him to be The Antichrist. Not actually The Antichrist. The wrong boy.

Warlock's 11th Birthday Party. The reason why Crowley and Aziraphale were there was to try again to stop Armageddon. Hell was supposed to show up at the party. The Devil was sending a gift to his son-- a dog. The Hell Hound. The gift, once accepted by The Antichrist, was supposed to signal the start of Armageddon.

Crowley and Aziraphale were undercover at the party in an effort to stop Warlock from encountering and naming The Hell Hound and starting the end times as a result... but The Hell Hound was late. The moment that results in them realizing they got it all wrong starts out with dialogue that is referenced again in S2-- in relation to The Meeting Ball.

Aziraphale followed Crowley out to The Bentley, mortified by having put on a terrible magic show in front of Crowley. Crowley, though, was gentle and caring in his reply. He tried to reassure Aziraphale and gas him up a bit.

Aziraphale: "That was all a bit of a disaster, I'm afraid."

Crowley: "Nonsense. You gave them a party to remember. Last one they'll ever have, mind..."

As they're sitting in The Bentley and after communicating with Hell during this scene via the radio, they realize that they fucked it up. The kid they thought was the spawn of The Devil is not actually that. Warlock is not The Antichrist. They had the wrong boy this whole time.

Nonsense. The meaning of "balderdash" and "piffle"-- the words spoken by "The Metatron" when he first arrives in 2.06. The first word of what Crowley said to Aziraphale in the "wrong boy" scene.

The gift for the "son". The Hell Hound. The Coffee.

A disaster termed "a night to remember": The Titanic.

The Titanic. Big ship, first of its kind. Hit iceberg. Was thought to be unsinkable. Turns out, it could very much sink. Angels can be tempted. They can sink-- can fall-- to the bottom of the ocean floor. Aziraphale falling is "The Titanic" of his story and the story overall.

If Warlock's birthday party = The Meeting Ball, then Crowley and Aziraphale have the "wrong boy" once again at the end of S2.

Instead of Warlock being mistaken for The Devil's son, "The Metatron" is really The Devil... who appears in the form of the closest thing Aziraphale has to a father-- The Metatron.

"My Heart Will Go On." Theme song from the film 'Titanic' and on Aziraphale's playlist for S2. Uh oh...

Then, there's this:

"It will be a night to remember!" Aziraphale, describing his then-upcoming Meeting Ball in an episode-ending bit of important dialogue while pointing Upwards, foreshadowing both Crowley going Up and Aziraphale's "going Up to get Down" that happens at the end of this Titanic hitting the iceberg. Crowley will actually wind up trying to keep most of the partygoers from not remembering as much of the events of this party as possible... ironically, since Aziraphale says "a night to remember" to Crowley in reference to the kind thing Crowley said to him about the kids being happy to remember Warlock's birthday party.

The next morning, Crowley will use dialogue that references Warlock's birthday party again... either consciously or unconsciously. Either way, it's a dialogue reference to it for us to notice... and it makes sense that Warlock's party would fit into 2.06's Final 15 here because the dialogue we're talking about is from a scene that's actually after the party... and this is all taking place after, well, a party.

The dialogue shows up here:

Crowley: "Oh, I know you. Last time I saw you, you were a giant, floating head, mind."

Welcome to the only other scene in the series in which Crowley has used "mind" at the end of a sentence but for the casual time he did post-Warlock's birthday party. It's calling our attention to the late Hell Hound not arriving at that party... in the moment that "The Metatron" has just arrived here, in the aftermath of the mirrored party.

The Devil himself is here this time.

It might also be worth noting that when Crowley and Aziraphale figure out that Warlock is the wrong boy, it's because of Crowley having just spoken to Hell via the radio in The Bentley... which is also how Satan attacked Crowley in 1.01. Those two scenes are then tied together and both of them are in play in 2.06.

The show also takes pains to call the meeting a "party" several times. Besides Aziraphale saying "we're having a ball", the character who is of The Devil and whose actions let The Devil Himself into the bookshop-- Shax-- twice refers to what's going on as "a party." When she arrives: "how sweet-- they're having a party" and, later, she corrects Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets when he says that what is going on is a meeting. She tells him that it's not a meeting because they were "dancing." That it's a party is referenced several times, further drawing correlation between the climax of S2 and Warlock's 11th Birthday Party.

Crowley-- a demon-- is called upon by "The Metatron" to identify him to everyone else after every single other being in the room fails to recognize him. Every single other being in the room besides Crowley is an angel and *all* of them fail to recognize this being as The Metatron. Every one of them. How can five angels fail to recognize the leader of Heaven? Maybe because that's not actually the leader of Heaven? Maybe because The Devil had to get someone he can control-- and we've seen that he can control Crowley in 1.01-- to tell everyone else that he's The Metatron... which is exactly what happens in this scene?

Crowley identifies the being in such a way that the other angels see him as The Metatron. No one questions him. Rather hilariously, since angels who don't like Crowley are in the room, everyone just believes him and takes what he says at face value. This includes Michael, who has now done this twice-- they also did this during the Job minisode, which we'll look at in a moment.

Michael (gloriously bitchy, asking THE question): "And who are you?"

The context clues suggesting this being's fake identity that led everyone to believe it after its reveal were planted by "The Metatron" upon his arrival... and that's familiar, too. We've seen that one before... Crowley did it earlier in the season.

Remember where we saw that and another significant who are you? one before?

Here, with Sitis:

Crowley gives Sitis suggestion as to who he will appear to be to her, even if they've never met before. Who is he? He's "an old friend, here to offer some comfort." Sitis is having A Day over here and is somewhat resistant at first to influence and she's never met this being before so she naturally has this question:

She's paralleling Michael in 2.06 here. All who are you and why are you interrupting me? I'm a bit busy over here... and what did Crowley say?

"You tell me." Crowley gave her the answer he wanted and when Sitis was resistant and Crowley needed to get to the kids to save them, he influenced her so she'd help him get to who he wanted instead of standing in his way. Crowley seeks to protect the kids, obviously. He has the opposite motivation of Satan in 2.06 but the methods are the same.

Sitis falls under Crowley's suggestion at "you tell me"-- she responds normally-enough but there's enough of her reaction at the start that shows that her mind is being influenced. She gets a little quiet, her eyes widen, she's staring for a brief moment... kinda like Crowley in the chair before he speaks in after "The Metatron"'s arrival in 2.06. Crowley was in Sitis' mind and made her say back to him what he'd told her to say:

"Bildad" quite literally means "old friend" so Sitis basically regurgitates Crowley's "just an old friend" by translating it into a name in her mind. Crowley's "sure" is comedic but this is also an example of Crowley using magical influence over someone-- one of two that happens in S2. In both times, Crowley's use of it is benign in overall intent but it's still not really with the full awareness of the person he's using it on.

This kind of power when used by The Devil, though? Yikes...

The second time we see Crowley do this is with Mister Dalrymple. And what did Crowley suggest-- at Aziraphale's request-- that Mister Dalrymple do? So that Aziraphale could have time to try to lure Mister Dalrymple into his way of thinking-- though the opposite wound up being true?

Invite them to stay and have a chat... over a drink.

A chat over a wee tipple of whiskey. That moment has a paralleling friend in 2.06, too...

A chinwag over a large oat milk latte with a dash/hefty jigger of almond syrup...

Now, we're also referencing The Resurrectionist minisode in The Final 15. You know, the one where Crowley is dragged back to Hell in Edinburgh... the same place Aziraphale went to alone during S2. When asked where Aziraphale was during that time by Shax, Crowley replied that Aziraphale was:

Stocktaking. In the basement. On the surface, this is an excuse Crowley gives Shax to explain why she can't see Aziraphale through the window of the shop while Aziraphale is in Edinburgh. Shax clearly doesn't buy it and tracks down Aziraphale in The Bentley on his way back from Scotland. But this is also a metaphor on two different levels.

The first is that Crowley was dragged back to Hell in Edinburgh in 1827 and that Hell is the basement of the whole Heaven/Hell skyscraper office situation. Edinburgh is Hell is "the basement" to Crowley. While Aziraphale was there, he was working on some of his trauma related to 1827-- taking stock of what he had and where he was at in order to move forward. Aziraphale going to Edinburgh actually is Aziraphale metaphorically "stocktaking in the basement"... it's just that it also potentially foreshadows that once Shax actually gets through that door, it's the start of how Aziraphale is going to wind up doing some further stocktaking in the actual basement that is Hell.

Jump back to Sitis for a moment. Why does Sitis say "Shuite"? It's more important than it seems.

We already looked at why she says "Bildad"-- it's because of Crowley's "old friend"-- but why does she say "the Shuite"? It's not what Crowley said this time, so much as what he did-- jumping into her mind.

Remember later when Crowley uses a homophone-- "Shu-ite" and "shoes"-- and cracks this joke:

Crowley says "shoes" and Michael says "the land of Shua" but Bildad is Bildad "the Shuite" because Sitis was trying to say the other word that's a homophone for "shoes" and "Shu-a" here: "shoo."

Was there was a part of Sitis that was aware of Crowley in her mind was telling him to get out, to leave, to go... or was the fact that she had been trying to get Crowley to leave before he influenced her a factor in how she came up with his identity?

It shows that a person under suggestion by a supernatural being in Good Omens is forced to say and do whatever that being is forcing them to say or do but they might have some mild level of resistance where their words are concerned, if they can find a way to do so. Crowley was not exerting a terribly powerful influence over Sitis because he prefers to not do this at all. But The Devil himself is not going to have any such qualms... and we've been shown in 1.01 that when he takes over Crowley, Crowley really can't resist the influence. Still, he might have been trying, since The Devil needed him to speak and it was Aziraphale in the crosshairs.

And, of course, back in 2.06, The Big Damn Villain Music in the score goes insane at this moment here when "The Metatron" looks at Crowley without Aziraphale noticing-- a look that can be interpreted not just as a glare but as instructions. It's what keeps Crowley in the bookshop. It furthers the suggestion that "The Metatron" is magically influencing Crowley and since Crowley's main contribution is to identify him as The Metatron, well... casts some serious doubt over the idea that this is anybody but the one being who can exert that kind of control over Crowley-- Satan.

Now, go back to Crowley and to "...last time I saw you, you were a giant, floating head, mind."

Aziraphale doesn't totally seem to realize it but the events of the previous night letting everyone into the bookshop has, well, let everyone into the bookshop. Aziraphale thinks of the bookshop as a safe haven where Crowley's concerned and, until The Meeting Ball, it was. But Shax allowed in tipped the dominoes and now means that the bookshop is now overrun, all of Hell can get in, and Crowley's no longer safe from Satan while inside the bookshop.

"...giant, floating head, mind" isn't just about Warlock's birthday party.

It's a reference to The Devil taking over Crowley's mind in 1.01.

It's a reference to that for us and, if Crowley is able to resist at all or is trying to on some level, then it's an equivalent to Sitis saying "Shuite" in an attempt to say "shoo"-- it's a word Crowley is choosing sneaking out in the influence that Satan has over him in that moment. He's screaming wrong boy wrong boy wrong boy and he's in my mind beneath the calmer way that Satan is having him identify him to everyone as The Metatron and hoping Aziraphale will get it.

Everyone believes Crowley when he says the being before them all is The Metatron because the reveal of it makes sense with the clues laid out by what "The Metatron" has said upon his arrival. Old British white guy-sounding being? Using old language-- "balderdash", "complete piffle"? Being a smarmy, patronizing dick towards Michael? Yeah, that sounds like The Metatron... enough that everyone doesn't stop to notice what else this being says the moment he has them all convinced. Phrases like "spit spot"... the signature line of the Hell-aligned 'Mary Poppins'... but we'll look at all the 'Mary Poppins' in end of S2 in another meta.

Back to our next bit of dialogue referencing signifying the presence of The Devil in 2.06. That is "go on." Whether this is just a clue to us from the other scene or whether it's also Crowley, trying to resist the influence to try to warn Aziraphale is interpretable but, either way, when Crowley stays put and doesn't seem to notice Aziraphale silently trying to get Crowley to come with him and The Metatron, there's this dialogue:

Crowley: "Go on. Day can't get any weirder."

Weird means strange, unexpected, unnatural... Something's wrong, something's wrong, something's wrong is what Crowley's basically saying. But it's the "go on" that's the real 👀 because of what it references from earlier in the season...

Remember this?

Crowley: "Go on. Have an ox rib."

Yeah, that's a direct dialogue comparison that calls what "The Metatron" is doing with Aziraphale temptation... which means "The Metatron" is The Devil.

Gabriel showed up in S2 and what he could remember was a quote from The Book of Job-- something God said that night Crowley and Aziraphale found her speaking "to Job" (really: to them, but it's unclear if they've figured that out yet.) God warned at the beginning of S2 that Aziraphale needs to remember the Job minisode something fierce for what's to come. He's being tested. He's being tempted. The Devil shows up in 2.06 to tempt him... and it parallels the ox rib scenes by both echoing and inverting it, like the mirror that it is.

Angels actually can be tempted but that's not really what Crowley was doing in Job's cellar. The ox rib scene is actually about consent. Let's look at the start of it.

As the storm started in 2500 B.C., Crowley started pouring wine. He poured two glasses and offered Aziraphale one. Aziraphale did not take it.

Aziraphale did not take it because Aziraphale, at the time, was not interested in wine. He didn't wish to drink. "The Metatron" manipulates Aziraphale's emotions when it comes to the coffee. He preys on Aziraphale's need to be polite and on how afraid Aziraphale is of The Metatron. Aziraphale has never had any such fear of Crowley-- he hilariously was pretty direct about his distaste for wine back in Job's cellar. The Devil gets Aziraphale to take the coffee by manipulating his trauma but Satan's minister Crowley? Back in 2500 BC? He didn't push Aziraphale to drink.

The ox rib scene is actually about choice and consent. It's important to Crowley that Aziraphale feel safe with him. When Aziraphale expresses that he doesn't want to drink and doesn't want to get drunk, Crowley is fine with that and offers food instead, pointing out that you can't get drunk on food. He's a little mischievous and dry when replying that "angels can't be tempted" to Aziraphale's question of whether or not Crowley was trying to tempt him but it's because he's actually not. He's trying to have a little date with the angel, not get him to fall to Hell. He likes him. He's amused that Aziraphale is finding the offers of food and drink to be tempting-- that he's into it and wants to give something a try. There's no manipulation, just the offer of it.

It's Aziraphale's own choice to try the ox rib. He chooses to take it.

He chooses to try something new and see things a little differently and spend some time with Crowley. It's a healthy choice. It's the polar opposite of the choice Aziraphale makes when The Devil offers him the one thing he wants: a way within his control to be with Crowley forever.

The conversations at Marguerite's that Aziraphale has in S2 are interconnected. He sits at a table there separately twice-- once with Crowley and once with The Devil. Again, Crowley offers Aziraphale a glass of wine-- this time now thousands of years after Aziraphale rejected the first offer of one. Aziraphale drinks now. He and Crowley have shared a thousand bottles of wine since.

They never get to food. Aziraphale doesn't actually eat in the present at all in S2. (Which is the whole damn problem lol.) Doesn't have an eccles cake. Doesn't dine at The Ritz. No vol-au-vents at The Meeting Ball. And, at Marguerite's, he doesn't have a glass of wine and a little late lunch with Crowley. He has one sip of tea in the present for the entirety of S2 before That Damn Coffee-- to try to teach Muriel to do what Aziraphale has actually been rejecting while being in his Heavenly feelings during S2. The healthy choice is actually some food, a glass of wine, and Crowley... not a trauma-loaded coffee from The Devil.

Crowley and Aziraphale joke about temptation where each other is concerned and it's off of the scene in Job's cellar. We've seen it in Rome in 41 AD and we've seen it in the S1 finale in 2019. This is what temptation between them looks like:

They can poke fun at the idea of it because their relationship is built on the idea that they see each other as individual people who make individual choices and that Heaven and Hell don't own them. They own themselves and they choose to share themselves with one another. It's the opposite of the manipulation of temptation, which is why it both parallels how Aziraphale falls prey to The Devil-- by how he does being the opposite of what he has with Crowley-- and why it's over Crowley that Aziraphale falls in the first place... not because loving him is "bad"... for the exact opposite of that. Because loving him is good and it's not loving him to try to find a solution to their problems by saying that the people who have harmed the two of them should come first. That's the point-- no nightingales.

Aziraphale doesn't want power. He doesn't want to run Heaven-- he rejected that first attempt to tempt him by The Devil. He doesn't want to go back. He wants to stay on Earth and live his life with Crowley and he wants so much to never be apart from Crowley. The two things that Aziraphale wants most in the world are both related to Crowley-- he wants to be with him forever and he wants Heaven to admit that they fucked up and that Crowley is good.

Aziraphale already knows Crowley is good. He loves him as he is. He's just furious at Heaven and at The Metatron for what they've done to the being he loves and he's incensed at God for allowing it. Aziraphale has been an angel this whole time and, in his mind, he's been powerless to do anything to fix this. He can't stop Crowley's pain over falling-- over the fact that he still feels like he's unforgivable in the eyes of God. He can't stop him from being hurt by Hell. And Aziraphale has had that rage on simmer for 6,000 years.

His every "I forgive you" is an attempt at, since he's an angel of Heaven, trying to give Crowley what he needs and can't get from Heaven... and Crowley knows it is but he hates it because what he truly wants and needs is just Aziraphale himself. Aziraphale's love is enough.

All Aziraphale wants is for Heaven to admit they fucked up because he thinks forgiveness from God will help Crowley. He thinks it will make this better:

If Crowley were an angel again, would that stop the pain that Aziraphale can't stop? Aziraphale wonders if it might. Because he can't stop it. He's tried. He's not enough. It's a lot of pain to watch the being you love still suffer and try to do what you can to make it stop but to not be enough-- Crowley and Aziraphale both know what that feels like.

The solution is not to run away and it's not to go to Heaven. It's to just make like Gabriel and Beez and choose to live their lives together. If enough people say "nah" to Armageddon, there's no Armageddon. You can't have a war without war. Aziraphale doesn't understand that at the end of S2 yet, though, so when The Devil shows up in the form of the abusive dad who never loved him and basically says:

You know, you were right-- we need people like you. The way you live isn't a sin. I made a mistake. You could come back to Heaven and show us how to be better-- how to do things your way. You could bring your husband. We can all be a family. He can be an angel again and you'll never again have to worry that you'll lose him. You can be together forever...

This is all Aziraphale has ever wanted. The angel who was losing his mind hosting a party for the first time the night before-- one where his human friends and Gabriel mingled together and where everyone knew Crowley was his and they got to dance together like everyone else-- well, that angel is tempted as all fuck.

He falls for (falls in love with) Crowley and he falls (falls from Heaven) for Crowley.

It started, in part, with an arrival at the door. Not "The Metatron"'s arrival. Bildad's much happier, paralleling one:

This is also a note to us: remember him-- Bildad the Shuite. It's important that we do if we want to understand what comes later when a group of people, some of them angels, can't recognize who just came through the door... for the second scene in this season.

Right on cue to ask the Big Damn Question in 2500 B.C. was the first arrival at the bookshop door in S2 and the character most representing Aziraphale's inner struggles in S2... and the one who had been sent away for his own good by the point that The Devil arrives in 2.06...

Gabriel, asking THAT question: "Aziraphale, who is this?"

Aziraphale:

He. Says. He. Is. God told Aziraphale to remember this but he seems to have forgotten that he and Crowley cloaked Crowley's real identity for greater good purposes but the opposite of that could just as easily happen. He didn't really listen to the messenger God sent him-- Gabriel, whose name literally means "messenger"-- when he told Aziraphale to remember Job and so Aziraphale didn't recognize The Devil when he, like Bildad before him, came through the door.

In a sweet way, it's because he so loves Crowley that he doesn't really see him as demonic and so couldn't make a connection between Bildad and "The Metatron."

The Body Swap. Crowley and Aziraphale each pretending to be one another to survive the end of S1. They fooled everyone around them by looking like someone they, technically, are not. In both cases, they were forced into suicide by Heaven/Hell-- by getting into a bath of holy water and by stepping into flames of hellfire-- and survived it because neither of them actually were who they said they were.

Aziraphale's fall parallels the body swap plot as it's a fall of despair.

"We call it 'The Second Coming'." Aziraphale knows who was really at the door in this moment. He knows that there is no Supreme Archangel job, no promises of safety and an eternal life with Crowley. There never was. He made the wrong choice. He let his despair rule him and now the fall he thought was coming in 2500 B.C. is actually here.

Upon realizing that he's been fooled-- has played himself for a sucker, as is the case with negative thought cycles-- Aziraphale steps into the elevator.

S1-- they save each other from being killed by Heaven and Hell in methods that look like forcing them to kill themselves.

S2-- Aziraphale effectively tries to kill himself by getting into the elevator, now knowing who it is who is holding open the door.

He knows the likelihood of his memories being erased is high, which makes choosing to get into the elevator a form of suicide.

Banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace, with a dash of nutmeg. Aziraphale's mantra. His magic words. In the bookshop attack and through the end of S2, though... a banana peel thrown at Maggie. Shax referencing "the sushi." Only the banana and the fish are here.

The Bananafish. A short story by J.D. Salinger about PTSD, trauma and suicide. After some short interactions with a girl representing a daughter-like figure to the main character (Maggie, in Good Omens, who kicks off Aziraphale's S2 plot and provides his motivations throughout)-- the seemingly-fine man who is actually a traumatized war veteran suffering from PTSD suddenly and quickly succumbs to the pain he carries around and the cycle of negative thoughts he suffers and shoots himself dead.