#has everyone really moved on already??
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#okay but why is everything on my dash about next week's episode already??#where's all the content from this week??#has everyone really moved on already??#i'm over here trying to get snippets about the episode in between meetings#but everything is about bucktommy and medal ceremony#what happened to bobby y'all??#have we really moved on so quickly??#guess i'll be waiting several more hours to find out what went down 🙃😭#911 spoilers
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#sars cov 2#covid 19#i've interacted with 4 different friends/acquaintances in the past month alone who have all been hospitalised after having a stroke#(and in one case multiple strokes)#one who i visited in hospital over the weekend had a (unmasked) nurse coughing up a lung in her room 👍#and one of them who had to undergo surgery also had to be moved to a different hospital#bc the ward they were keeping him in was full of confirmed covid patients 👍👍#idk how many times it needs to be said before it gets through people's heads but VACCINES ARE NOT ENOUGH#and encouraging ppl to rely solely on them when there are already plans to jack up the prices so you have to KEEP PAYING for boosters#for an ONGOING mass-disabling event is so laughably unrealistic and absurd and flat-out demonic#you need to mitigate the actual spread of covid by WEARING A MASK + fighting for CLEAN AIR/proper ventilation in public spaces!!!!!!#ppl are so eager to forget the whole 'break the chain of transmission' thing and how effective masking is and so this is where we're at#'i got infected and infected other ppl who might die or become permanently disabled but it's no big deal bc no one else wears a mask#so if /i/ didn't infect them someone else would have anyway so it's not my fault and really its got nothing to do with me and my choices'#if everyone is responsible then no one is responsible - that's how it works right?#it's no wonder some ppl go rabid at even the sight of someone wearing a mask and minding their own business#ppl seeking treatment for unrelated conditions/illnesses and then dying from covid caught in hospitals#due to lack of npis/basic mitigation measures - no regulations no accountability#we truly live in a hell (''new normal'') of our own making#anyway none of this is new news at all i mostly thought it might be good to share the info graphic abt signs of stroke#covid has been given free reign and chances are increasing as to how likely you'll encounter it happening to someone you know at some point#also heart attacks and pots and alzheimer's etc etc etc
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Bestie Deficiency
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#a-qing#xue yang#xiao xingchen#Xue yang is cold because cold blooded creatures can't generate their own body heat#I am skipping over drawing the stories they tell due to the fact this arc is already really dragging#but I think they are very key in understanding the yi-city characters#Even if they are stories that really bring down the slumber party vibes A-Qing was hoping for.#I mentioned some of my thoughts in the tags of no. 76 but to continue on a bit more#I think xxc and xue yangs stories inversely mirror each other on the meaning of sacrifice and what it means to 'deserve' something#to xue yang he has only ever sacrificed - therefore he is in his right to 'deserve' what he wants. And he wants everything.#xxc leaves song lan thinking its the best course of action to atone but my god. No it wasn't. Poor communication crown actually goes to xxc#but it's what xxc he feels he deserves - continued sacrifice to atone. He wants to want nothing.#both are very stuck in the past in ways that are not actually accounting for their actions#It's easy to look at xue yang and go 'dang you need to get over your childhood trauma'#but that very much ignores that fact that we - real human beings - define so much by our childhood pains.#Growth is having to come to terms with it and trying to move past it...and not everyone is ready for that.#I have a lot of thoughts on that matter but I'll let it be for now.#Anyways. Amiguito appears to be one of those words whos meaning change depending on speaker and contextual factors#So as far as I can tell it slides around on the scale on romantic and platonic. Which works for this dynamic. I think.#Native Spanish speakers I am so sorry.
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listen I don't care what new lore nightbringer gives us or how it recontextualises the brothers' relationships
Mammon raised Satan and you pry this headcanon away from my cold dead hands!!
#I mean there's already contradictions since the flashback where mammon tells Luci that he made sure everyone is ok#and that he has no regrets about following him takes place in the HOL#but in nightbringer they start out living in the Damon lord's castle and then they move out#and by the time they're in the HOL they seem more settled than what that flashback implied#it would be weird for it to happen after because the brothers are acting mostly as we know them just less confident#they should still be grieving heavily if the flashback happens now#am I overthinking this? yes#has the story contradicted itself before? also yes!#but am I going to stop?#ABSOLUTELY NOT!#I haven't even decided in my mind if Satan formed as a full adult or a baby that grew really REALLY fast#but Mammon raised him and you cannot convince me otherwise!#I'm probably missing lore because I haven't even finished the main game yet and in nightbringer I'm on lesson 4 but I don't care!#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me satan#obey me mammon
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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A little good ol’ polaroid doodle of Jesse and Ahsoka
#ahsoka tano#clone trooper jesse#ahsoka tano and jesse#clone wars#ahsoka is a sister to the clones#clone wars fluff#the 501st’s sleepy little sister#501st legion#the little happy moments away from battle#not that good at drawing but I really wanted to share a fluff doddle#these two deserved better#jesse didn’t even move a inch the entire time as to not awake the sleepy commander who already doesn’t get enough sleep#ahsoka has anxiety#ahsoka is definitely sleep deprived along with everyone else#ahsoka and jesse are just the chaotic sibling duo that have the most wholesome moments but then also (accidentally) burn everything in their#path
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halfway thru my first drivers ed session. idk if i can do this aftually lol
#purrs#there’s like 30+ ppl in the class and most of them are high schoolers who already have like at least 20-30 hrs and i have 3. also the#instructor is really nice and means well but she is also a little clueless and she embarrassed me in front of everyone (or maybe i#embarrassed myself) bc she had us all introduce ourselves and say what we like to do and i said play video games and she was like oh are you#a bit of a gamer 👀 have you been to any of those conventions. LIKE 💀😭 NO I JUST PLAY SILLY LITTLE PET GAMES…..#but ajyways um. i don’t have enough driving experience to start behind the wheel lessons yet 💀💀💀💀💀 and we r watching videos rn and it’s so s#scary like istill have such trouble even maneuvering the car around how am isupposed to develop situational awareness and be driving on high#hihways and shit. this is so overwhelming. it’s like ‘every moment ur behind the wheel u and the ppl around u are at risk’ well idont want t#to be at risk or risk others lives. but also i need to move out. help 💔💖#anyways this class has INSANELY long breaks (like 15+ mins thank god) and we might be able to end early every day too so. fingers crossed it#wont be that bad and i’ll actually retain stuff and learn to drive fucking finally. but im so scared#also on thursday we are watching a video depicting a graphic c*r cr*sh so. that’s just fucking great#drivers ed tag
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#i like doing 'web weaves' where its just different enstars stories#and i like going back to blackbird...everything goes back to blackbird#i couldve added more. the bit about wataru helping eichi and then eichi thinking that now that the tale is over wataru will leave him#and hes thinking about keito who was his first cowriter and friend and savior really. who dreamt with him#and wataru walks in and remarks that eichi is thinking about someone else. because eichi thinks wataru has moved on from him#but then the point of the post gets lost. i didnt want to look at keito and wataru as eichis partners in crime (coauthors)#i wanted to look at eichi writing the story without going on tangents#but i fear i have in the tags already hummm#yes i caught the thought again. eichi who is ready to write a happy ending for everyone for after he dies relearning how much he wants to#live as the story unfolds. that by the end of the story he asks keito in his head to continue being idols#well. he wants to live and hes holding onto this thought to drive away the thoughts of despair and being abandoned#i just think theyre all neat:)
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This is what it feels like being a hex fan sometimes, like its not even a twitter issue (and in a sense its not necessarily an issue, sometimes ppl just wanna have fun n not spout theories n discussion 24/7! I get that!) but i feel like a lot of people r quick to write off aspects of the game and characters and insist that, despite it being a mullinsverse title, it's not that deep/things are surface level
#This goes for a lot of characters. you can already guess one of them since i defend his honor constantly here#but like. I've seen a lot of people brush off Irving as just 'the big bad' and insist theres nothing deeper to his character#than just being an abusive villain#he very much IS an abusive villain. Irving is not Irving if he isn't a metaphor for abuse in the video game industry#but that doesnt mean you can't. lets say. interpret his relationship with Lionel as something more than just 'ai assistant n his dev'#that doesnt mean you cant read inbetween the lines n point out *he cares about Lionel. and that a good chunk of his motivations r bc of him#Irving is rightfully hated but often times I get. nervous. that one of these days someone is gonna accuse me of being a sympathizer#or making him act 'ooc' or giving him grace when he doesnt deserve it#bc god forbid someone in a game where every character has layers. has layers#regardless: no discussion about Irving really leaves raw hatred or 'omg hes hot' anyways#Bryce is also a good example cause when he's not being a horrible yaoi fodder victim#Everyone just says 'Oh hes so nice! He's so kind! I feel bad for him!' and moves on#No one wants to pick apart that he's not a pure angelic soul who gets pushed around. that hes nuanced#and that there is very much commentary that ties to his black identity and the forced role of 'fighter'#To many Bryce's story is simple; got put in CAX and then he got out n granny died and it was REALLY bad#and then they dont care to analyze him further than that. i understand that the nature of the game leaves some characters underdeveloped#But there is still very much a lot to pick apart with every character in the game; sadly a lot of people don't care to do anything w/ it#feels like that en mass the fandom has this air of anti-discussion despite the source material. idk man idk#Im goin to bed early lol ive been tired ever since i got back from school#but yeah. my opinions
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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my mom said she might put me in therapy /derogatory
#/neg#:<#I want therapy but not like this#so what if I’m low empathy..#You could at least call me that instead of calling me psychotic for not idk… crying about my nephew breaking his finger#:( sigh#I expressed my concern hours /before/ he got the diagnosis#So what if it’s old news to me 4 hours later?#I did something to my elbow when I was 10 and nobody took me to the hospital because ‘I was fine’ as everyone told me#so what if I couldn’t move it for a week?#so what if sleeping was painful?#so what if I couldn’t do my chores or reach up and grab a water glass?#I already had two concussions so I /obviously/ can’t get any other injuries anymore#I’m immune now!!!#/sarc obviously#Sorry for ranting#it didn’t upset me before#looking back rn it just feel like my mom has always put my injuries on hold#I fall off my bike? So what! She’s broken her toe ANd her elbow! I can suck it up#I scrape my knees really really badly on the sidewalk and can’t extend my legs without immense pain for 5 days? I can suck it up!#now pain isn’t painful to me#no matter how much it hurts#<- if that makes sense
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HM. MIRABELLE?
#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#(in the tags)#so after loop told me not to bother with giving mira the bow again i was like: okay i shld give her the bow again#i spent a loop checking every single rollback spot and it was really interesting#but scarily i was in a dead-end checking that paper where you tell a story about running away from home#but there was a rollback. and *i* forgot what i was talking about. and everyone kind of laughed it off but... that's really concerning#okay so basically after all that happened i reset to town and gave mirabelle the bow again. and instead of being able to move on#past the skip. she kind of became aware that something was wrong? and her expressions oh my gof#pointing out the bow she already had made her slot back into normalcy but. aack#i'm concerned and very excited to see what's going on. hopefully i'll be able to cut through the third floor on my next loop#( know abt the 2nd floor key now)#and then we'll see what happens when i fight the king if he's what's up there#i Really wanna know what isa has to say to me (gay heart praying for a confession-)#odile noticed smth strange too once. i'm wondering maybe if there's a way for her to pick up on what's going on frm within the loop#(she's very very smart + i love her)
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blank eyed girl and ghost fly and the first investigation and stakes miniseries (but specifically the parts that involve finn and jake) and also sometimes kind of objects or scenes (like the sword finn gets from hunson and the scene in the same episode where they're all eating pizza after marcy's concert ... all has a certain kind of atmosphere to me... a vibe.. if you will. i dont know what it is though. but im a little bit crazy about it to be honest
#something something night time something something investigation something something pizza. for some reason ? because they're also getting#pizza at the start of blank eyed girl. and that is undeniably part of the vibe.#something something paranormal/supernatural (are those synonyms or no) elements ... smth smth Hanging out while that stuff is going on...#the episodes where marcy and pb and finn and jake and pepbut are hunting the vampires in the woods ... condense that and inject in directly#into my veins. thx#i dont think i ever talked about these much because theyre conceptually very out there and kind of embarrassing but#ive got these aus... heehee... one of them is a modern/teacher au(bonnie/marcy are teachers . finn is a student . jake is finn's caretaker)#and also a vampire au. and you might be thinking Thats not au marcy is already a vampire... but THE THING IS! not in this one. actually.#because the whole thinngggg is that PB is a vampire and its a SECRET and marcy comes from a family of vamp hunters#so she obviously suspects PB of being a vampire but they both talk around it and flirt obviously and its all sooo silly. and i love it.#AND THEN THERES ANOTHER ONE. and it's another modern/everyone-is-human au (sorry i'm boring) EXCEPT finn is a werewolf. so like... finn is#dog (in a way) and jake is a human. you get it.#and pb is studying to become a scientist . and jake is still finn's caretaker because even in modern aus finn is a double orphan to me. soz#btw when i say jake is his caretaker i mean that joshua and margaret were the ones who adopted him but then they died and jake got#custody. finn and jake still have a brotherly dynamic even in this scenario. jake is responsible for him but they still see eachother as#brothers. just to be clear. like it's not a father figure kind of situation. i love their unconventional family dynamic 😽 i love them so#much. ermmm hang on i got off track...#so finn is a werewolf and jake is aware of it and they drag PB into it because she knows Science .#pb is like ... well i can't just NOT cure lycanthropy.#so thats that whole thing...#love it. great idea . whoever came up with all that must be sooo cool. and cute too. probably really smart and funny too. 😇#and aaalssooooo. i was tossing around the idea of another modern/human world au (i knooow im sorry i dont know why i keep doing this) and#it's a chatfic. and i know how that all sounds. BUT!!!! yeah this one has a twist too. because how could it not ! i am Me after all.#actually recently all of my ideas have been grounded af. borderline slice of life even. so boring i know.#but these AUs are all stuff i came up with a little while ago so they all had to be silly in order to even keep my attention for 5minutes.#so the twist in this one is that BMO is an AI (but like actually sentient not just a boring chatbot bc what wld even be the point of that)#and then robots try to take over the word or smth. and then bmo saves the word and stuff#no real plots for any of these AUs but the ideas are there. and i do want to try to do something with them somedayyyyy. eventually.#i hardly ever move on from anything actually. thats my truth.
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack!
Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new.
Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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The Dutch commentators have indirectly confirmed that the lady that filed the charges agaibst Joost Klein was Keren Peles. She is allegedly the one who filmed him without permission. Peles wrote Israels song Hurricane.
I'm sure more info about this whole 'incident' will come out these days.
Until then? Thank you anon for the ask, but I will refrain myself from believing stuff without more sources backing it up. Not because I don't believe you, but because there's been a lot of misinformation and theories during these days. I would like for the waters to clean up a little, so people wouldn't say things out of hate but because they're actually facts.
#anon ask#I won't answer another ask about Eurovision as I want to finally move on from this shit show#I've heard so many versions of why Joost got disqualified that my head straight up hurts#Whatever it was done with bad intentions or not it doesn't really matter right now. The demage has been done already#Everyone's been talking about the Dutch commentator I wish I understood the language to be able to watch the Eurovision with his#commentaries lol
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