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sydmarch · 1 year

Text

The Smallest Date in Martinaise

Pairing: Harry/Garte

WC: 1,927

Summary: Is it a good idea to ask out a man who in all likelihood still hates you at least a little for destroying one of the rooms in his establishment? Probably not, but now that you’ve given him a stuffed grouse, impressed him with your killer karaoke skills, and realized you both have the same taste in music, maybe you DO have a small chance…

i'd originally planned this to be a one shot but since i haven't touched it in several months i figured i'd post what i've got so far as "chapter one" & maybe it would motivate me to continue writing. the idea for this fic was inspired by this iconic tumblr post

full fic below the cut or on ao3

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - “Hey,” He nods in greeting. “Was there something you needed?”

1. - “About my bill for tonight…”

2. - “I need a drink. Can you pour me one?”

3. - “Garte, I saw another *thing* at the Whirling…”

4. - [Suggestion: Challenging 12] Ask him out.

5. “Good bye.” [Leave.]

SUGGESTION [Challenging: Success] - You know the two of you share similar taste in music. Start with that, and go from there.

1. - “You like the Etenniers, right?”

2. - I’m not so sure about this…

YOU - “You like the Etenniers, right?”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - “Yes?” The man raises an eyebrow, clearly wondering where you’re going with this.

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Failure] - Where *are* you going with this?

SUGGESTION - You’ve got this. It’s a no brainer! You like the Etenniers, he likes the Etenniers. Ask him to listen to a tape together.

LOGIC [Formidable: Failure] - Yep. I see no issues with this plan.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Trivial: Success] - *Or* you could skip the pleasantries and get straight down to business. A man with lips like that… Ask him what that mouth do.

VOLITION [Easy: Success] - Or you could *not* do that. Ask him something normal. Like a *normal* person would.

1. - “I was just thinking since we both like the Etenniers, maybe we could listen to a tape together?”

2. - “Nevermind the Etenniers, what that mouth do?”

3 - “Would you like to go on an extremely normal date with me?”

4 - “Forget it.” [Leave.]

YOU - “I was just thinking since we both like the Etenniers, maybe we could listen to a tape together?”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - He is smiling, but there’s a clear sarcasm in the expression. “Oh, listen to a tape? And how do you suppose we do that? Using the tape player that you *destroyed* when you *trashed your room*?”

LOGIC - Oops.

1. - “Shit, I’m so sorry. I keep fucking everything up.”

2. - “I paid you back, didn’t I? That tape player was cramping my *style*”

3. - “Who needs that tape player, I’ve got *this* beauty.” [Show him the Harmon Wowshi.]

YOU - “Who needs that tape player, I’ve got *this* beauty.” [Show him the Harmon Wowshi.]

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - While at first he appears taken aback - clearly not expecting you to have a viable alternative, he nods appreciatively after looking over the player. “Alright, fine. I could use a break.” A small smile, genuine this time. “And I *do* really like the Etenniers.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Challenging: Success] - You’re in! Next stop, pound town!

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] - Not so fast, you can still mess this up.

1. - “Cool, it's a date!”

2. - “Let’s get to it then.”

YOU - “Cool, it's a date!”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - “What? I never agreed to - “

COMPOSURE [Trivial: Success] - His face turns bright red. He’s clearly flustered, but not displeased.

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - “You know, it’s not worth arguing. Sure. Okay.” He sighs, blush fading back to his usual color. “So where do you suggest we have this. Um. Date?”

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Legendary: Failure] - You know plenty of romantic spots to bring a date… like the Whirling in Rags, for one!

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] - Do *not* suggest the Whirling! The last place a man would want to go on a date is the workplace he had to reluctantly return to.

SUGGESTION [Formidable: Success] - No, the Whirling is the *perfect* place! You’ve seen how beneath the facade of indifference he cares for the place, how he’s the master of his domain. You want to take him somewhere familiar, comfortable. Plus he would be unlikely to leave the place unattended with the Hardies in their booth.

YOU - Wait, which of you is right?

LOGIC [Challenging: Failure] - Your guess is as good as mine.

1. - “Only the best spot in Martainaise will do!” [Gesture to the room around you.]

2. - “Why not right here?”

3. - “On the boardwalk past the fishing village there's a great view across the water. Nevermind that we recently found a corpse there…”

4. - “How about Land’s End? I’ve heard it’s a primo *makeout spot.*” [Wink.]

5. - “Actually, I’m not sure if this was a good idea after all.” [Change your mind.]

YOU - “Why not right here?”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - He laughs uproariously.

RHETORIC - I told you!

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - After catching his breath, he replies. “Alright, why not? It’s not like I’d want those union boys running amok here without someone around to keep an eye on them, drunk as they are.”

SUGGESTION - And *I* told *you*!

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Oh my god, both of you shut up! We’re well on our way to getting *laid*.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Khm.”

COMPOSURE [Easy: Success] - He does an excellent job of hiding it, but you can tell the lieutenant is deeply uncomfortable to still be witnessing this conversation.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Detective, this is getting a bit too personal for my tastes. I will meet you here later to complete our interview with the Hardie Boys. Please, try not to take too long. We *do* still have an unsolved murder on our hands.” He exits the Whirling.

1. - “Awkward…”

2. - “Let’s get the music going!” [Take out the tape player.]

YOU - “Let’s get the music going!”

HARMON WOWSHI - As you place the tape player down on the bar, it dawns on you - you don’t actually have any tapes.

1. - “I’m sorry, I forgot I didn’t have any tapes with me…”

2. - “Oopsie! Looks like I don’t have any tapes.”

3. - “Must have left my tapes in my room, let me go get them” [Lie, then think of a solution on the fly]

YOU - “Oopsie! Looks like I don’t have any tapes.”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - He sighs, clearly holding himself back from rolling his eyes as well. “You don’t need any tapes *or* the tape player. If we’re staying here, I can just use the Whirling’s sound system.” Blocked by the bar from your field of view, he gets a tape going, and music fills the room.

WHIRLING IN RAGS - You look around the first floor of the hostel cafeteria. Fortunately for you, it’s far from peak hours, and the room is largely empty. The Hardie Boys are in their usual booth, drinking and conversing loudly. A few men sit scattered at tables in the main space. That strange man in the blonde wig and sunglasses and his companion, the horse faced woman, sit near the stairs. The smoker on the balcony leans against a wall, watching everything unfold.

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - “Well, let’s get on with it, shall we?” He comes out from behind the bar, clearly making a beeline for one of the more isolated tables.

MAN WITH SUNGLASSES - As you two pass by, he shoots up from his seat, face turning red. “I can’t believe this shit! A murder investigation is still ongoing, and you’re out here wasting time wooing the bartender.”

HORSE FACED WOMAN - “Jean, please calm down.” she hisses through clenched teeth. She moves to place a reassuring hand on his arm, but he shakes her off.

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - He looks exasperated. You already know what he’s going to say before he can open his mouth.

1. - [Half light - Legendary 14] Cut him off.

2. - [Say nothing, let him talk.]

HALF LIGHT [Legendary: Success] - Are you going to let this guy intrude on your date like that? SHUT HIM DOWN.

YOU - “He’s *not* a bartender, he’s the *cafeteria manager*!”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - He looks at you, eyebrows raised.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - He wasn’t expecting you to come to his defense, but it’s a welcome surprise.

MAN WITH SUNGLASSES - “Bartender, cafeteria manager, what’s the *fucking* difference when he’s not the case you’re here to investigate! I’ve had enough of this.” He storms out, the horse faced woman chasing after him.

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - “...Thanks.”

COMPOSURE [Easy: Success] - It takes a lot for him to say it.

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - He takes a seat and you join him on the bench. “Sorry to cause any friction between you and your… colleague?”

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] - He’s just as unsure about the nature of the relationship between the man in the sunglasses and yourself as you are, it would seem.

1. - “He’s some kind of firefighter, or animal control agent, or male nurse… no idea what’s got his panties in such a bunch”

2. - “I’m pretty sure he must be a fellow superstar.”

3. - “I don’t *think* he’s my colleague. But really I’ve got no idea, what with the whole ‘drinking myself into oblivion’ thing, you know?”

YOU - “I don’t *think* he’s my colleague. But really I’ve got no idea, what with the whole ‘drinking myself into oblivion’ thing, you know?”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - He scoffs. “Believe me, I know, Kind of hard to forget, with all the damage you’ve caused.” The bitterness you’d gotten so accustomed to hearing in his voice is surprisingly absent.

SAVOIR FAIRE [Medium: Failure] - You should say something *cool* right now, really go in for the kill now that he seems to be warming up to you.

VOLITION [Trivial: Success] - No, the whole point of this was to listen to some tapes. Shut up and listen to the tape.

1. - “You know, you should’ve seen me shoot that body down from the tree. *Kablam*! Down in a single shot. [Shoot your finger pistols to demonstrate.] It was pretty disco, if I do say so myself.”

2. - [Say nothing.]

WHIRLING IN RAGS: The two of you sit in comfortable silence, letting the music wash over you. As the minutes pass, you realize that while you remember that you *like* The Etenniers, you don’t actually *remember* any of their songs. With the exception, of course, of The Smallest Church in Saint Saens, which you *totally* rocked on karaoke.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Easy: Success] - Just as this thought crosses your mind, you notice a lyric that strikes you as familiar: “Hail holy queen of the sea, you’re whirling in rags, you’re vast and you’re sad.”

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - This is the song where Garte got the Whirling’s name from!

1. - “Hey, this is Hail Holy Queen, right? The song you named this place after?”

2. - Don’t say anything about it.

YOU - “Hey, this is Hail Holy Queen, right? The song you named this place after?”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - “Yes.” He sighs almost wistfully, looking around the room. “Feels like that was a lifetime ago.”

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - Hearing this song makes him thoughtful, almost nostalgic.

CONCEPTUALIZATION {Trivial: Success] - It’s a trip down memory lane - the kind of journey you’re wholly unfamiliar with, in your current state.

1. - “Sorry, I didn’t mean to potentially bring up any bad memories.”

2. - “Seems like this song really takes you back. I wish I could go back like that, but inside my head it’s all just a void, and the smell of chewing gum…”

3. - “Fourteen years ago, you said before?”

YOU - “Fourteen years ago, you said before?”

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - He looks back at you, appearing surprised that you remembered this detail. “That’s right. I’ve been with the Whirling for nearly half the time I’ve been alive. Of course, we had ample time apart while I was occupied with the many other cafeterias I manage. Still, it’s strange to think about - the responsibility of naming a place like this, at that age.”

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - And the many other responsibilities taken on far too early, he leaves unsaid.

INLAND EMPIRE [Trivial: Success] - The thought makes you wonder - what were *you* doing half a lifetime ago?

1. - Already making preparations for the gloaming, most likely.

2. - The barbell in the Doomed Commercial Area felt so familiar in my hands… I probably *was* a weightlifter.

3. - Partying hard during the disco heyday, baby!

4. - Probably in the early days of establishing myself as a superstar.

INLAND EMPIRE - Probably *not*.

#texticles #disco elysium #de #harry du bois #lawrence garte #garte the cafeteria manager #harrygarte #my writing

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