#hard to explain and maybe i'm just weird in the head but yeah lol

[arokuma]

lmao i'm such a bad aro because, while i've never been in love irl, i fall in love with more fictional characters than there are stars in the sky

[samandcolbyownme]

This was originally going to be just a Sam one shot, but then i decided to make it a Sam and Colby one shot. I felt like Sam's cover was too good to change, so enjoy the buy one get one free deal lol.

Summary: Reader drives herself insane trying to think of this mystery man she cannot stop thinking about and completely caught off guard when there's two of them.

Warnings: SMUT18+, vampire!Sam, demon!colby, compulsion and mind reading from both Sam and Colby, mentions of blood and blood drinking, strong language, mentions of alcohol, reading feeling like they're going insane, hair pulling, biting, scratching, choking, fingering, oral (m&f rec), threesome w/ dp, dirty and cute pet names, unprotected sex, creampie, filth

Word count: 10.3k | NOT edited

Not a request

Bold italics are Sam and Colby speaking in readers head.Regular italics are scenes they create in her head & reader being compelled at times.

╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗

Have you ever tried moving on from something that hasn't necessarily happened, but no matter how hard you tried, you just can't?

Your mind, constantly replaying stuff in your dreams, random times throughout the day.

Hitting you when you least expect it?

Then, when you finally think you've gotten over it, gotten rid of the haunting thoughts, it comes back, stronger than it was before?

That was you. Right now.

You had this feeling of anxiety, feeling like something was going to happen. It's happened multiple times a day, even causing you to wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes gasping for air.

But, you can never remember your dreams and nothing ever happens.

You could never describe the feeling.

Your friends would ask if you're okay because you looked 'tired' or you said no to doing something you always have said yes to.

They knew something was up, and so did you, but you just didn't know what was causing you to feel like this so it was always 'I didn't sleep well last night' or some other lame excuse that they could see right through.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Your friend, Cami asks, "You've been, not sleeping well, for the last week or so." She tilts her head, "What's really going on?"

You take a deep breath, "I honestly.." you pause, leaning forward to set your coffee mug down on the coffee table, "If I tell you, you have to promise not to call me crazy."

She nods, leaning back against the couch, "Okay."

You pinch the bridge of your nose, "So besides me not sleeping well, I'll get to that in a sec, but it started last week, after we came home from Tara's party."

"Did someone h-"

You cut her off, "No. no. It's not that."

She sighs, "Oh fuck, okay good." She motions, "Continue. Sorry."

You bat the air, "When I came home I felt like I was forgetting something, but I had everything I took with. I also felt.. I don't know, almost guilty for going and having a good time? Like, almost like I shouldn't have gone? I'd don't know."

She furrows her brows, "That doesn't make any senses. I mean, I just.." she stops, "it sounds like you're feeling emotions you'd feel when you're with someone and you did something you know they don't like."

You shrug, "I mean, yeah. It kind of does feel that way, but at the same time if I really think about it, it still doesn't make sense. I mean, maybe I think about it way too much, but-"

She cuts you off, "Are you talking to anyone? Maybe someone who is a potential boyfriend and you felt bad for going out?"

You look up at her, "That's where it gets crazy."

She gives you a weird look, "Huh?"

"I feel like- okay. You promised not to call me crazy, so just.. hear me out." You stare at her and she nods and you continue trying to explain, "I feel like.. I already belong to someone."

She makes a face and you hold your hand up, "I know. I know. I just, I can't. I can't explain it really. I mean, I keep seeing this person in my dreams and it almost feels like they're who I'm-"

You shake your head, "That sounds absolutely fucking insane. I take back what I said, you can call me crazy."  

You laugh, slightly embarrassed at what you just said.

This is the first time that you've actually talked about it out loud, and it sounds a lot crazier than you originally had thought.

"You're into reading books, right?" Cami asks and you nod, "Yeah, I'm actually reading one right now."

"What's it about?" She brings her legs up, moving the blanket to cover up. You purse your lips, "It's a darker romance book, so it's basically about a guy who comes at the most random times but he has a big secret and all that."

"What's he described as? Like what does he look like?" She brings her mug to her face and you shrug, "Um. I mean, like a normal looking guy. Slightly tall-ish. Blue eyes. At first he had brown hair, then he bleaches it to blonde, what does-"

"Who's the guy you see in your dreams?"

You stare at her, "Oh shit."

She chuckles, "I don't know about you, and now when I say this, I speak from experience because I'm sure we've all have done it, but it sounds like you're experiencing fictophilia."

"What the hell is that?" You laugh slightly at the last word she said, "fictophilia?"

She nods, "Yeah, it's where people, real people like us, fall in love with fictional characters in a book."

"Can it be as strong as taking over how you feel?" You ask, tilting your head, "Because when I tell you, I could have puked from feeling guilty that night, I was-" you hold up your thump and pointed, an inch from each other, "-This close."

She shakes her head, "No, I don't think it can cause that. I think you just drank a little, too much." She smirks, "Those back to back shots definitely had something to do with it."

You sigh, closing your eyes as you nod, "Yeah, yeah no. You're probably right. I'm just definitely over thinking about it."

"And the not getting sleep will definitely play a part in that. You need to take a nap. A real nap." She smirks, "and stop being delusional."

You roll your eyes, smirking as you nod, "Yeah, yeah. I know. But these fictional men, Cami. They'll getcha."

She nods as she stands up, "No I know. I watched a movie the other day and thought about the one character for three days straight."

"See. My point exactly." She laugh as you walk her over to the door. She turns, "I don't think you're crazy. Fictional characters happen to us all."

She leans in for a hug, "But if it gets to the point to where you tell me you're dating someone who isn't real, I'm funny farming your ass."

You laugh, leaning back as you look at her, "I won't put up a fight."

You close the door after she walks out, turning around to look at your empty apartment. You flick the lock before you walk over to the couch, sitting down to switch on the tv.

You put on the show you were watching and you can't help but think about your conversation with Cami.

It felt like so much more than what you told her.

It felt too real, but you really didn't want her to think you were losing it. That you were crazy.

But you felt it.

After multiple days of trying to figure out who the guy in your dreams is and not having any clue whatsoever is maddening.

Constantly telling yourself, I'm going crazy, each time you try hard to remember his face and about lose it because you can't.

You have a feeling that he wasn't just the guy in the book.

He was so much more than that, to you, in your head at least.

But, little did you know, that he was a creature who had such a pretty face, a dark, dark soul - along with his friend.

You shake your head, laying down and getting comfortable on the couch so you can try and take a well needed nap.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You reach over the counter, smiling at the barista, "Thank you." She nods, moving on to hand out the next coffee.

You walk away, heading towards the door. You go to push it open but stumble out when someone on the outside opens it before you.

"Oh, shit." The guy lays an arm in front of you, stopping your stumble. You stand up straight, looking up at the blonde.

He smiles slightly, "Are you okay? I'm sorry. I didn't see you coming out."

You nod, laughing slightly, "Y-yeah. Yeah I'm okay. Thank you for opening the door for me." You smile at him and he shrugs, "Call it fate."

A loud thump causes you to jump awake. You sit up, slowly turning to look back over the couch. You blink a few times, trying to get your vision used to the darkness of your apartment.

You call out slight groggy, "Hello?"

No answer.

Your phone ringing causes you to jump and you let out a sigh as you look at it. You debated on not answering, mainly because you seen the movies.

You know how it goes.

But it was cami, so you answer, "Hello?"

"Hey, a bunch of us are going out tonight. Wanna join?" She asks, "We're going to bar hop." You bite your lip, quickly turning around when you feel a presence off to your left, "Uh, yeah. Yeah."

"You'll come?" She asks, excitement seeping from her words, "Great. We can all just meet up in the parking lot of your place and we can walk to Bar Eight."

"That's fine with me. I need a shower, I just woke up from a nap." You stretch your arm above your head, "you can come over whenever. I'll be here."

"I have to finish getting ready, too but I'll be over within the hour."

"Okay." You nod to yourself, "See ya." You pull the phone away from your ear and stand up. You walk over to the lamp, switching it on and from the corner of your eye, you can see a figure disappear.

"Oh fucking hell." You rub your eyes and sigh. You mentally tell yourself that it's the sleep deprivation or that you just need to distract yourself.

Maybe having people stay over after a night out will help.

You walk to the bathroom, switching the shower on and it quickly fills with steam. You undress, stepping in and sighing as the hot water washes over your body.

It feels like hands slid over your shoulders and you zone out.

You're walking down the street with Cami, having a small conversation. You're oblivious to the people walking towards you on the left side of the side walk.

Someone runs into your shoulder, knocking your purse off. It falls to the ground and some of your things spill out.

As you bend down, what you assume, is the guy who bumped into you, bends down to help you.

"Here. Let me help."

You look up, tucking hair behind your one ear as your eyes meet a guy with dark hair and blue eyes, "Oh, um. Thank you."

He nods, handing you the strap of your bag, "No need, I should watch where I'm going more often."

You laugh slightly, "Yeah, that probably wouldn't be a bad idea." He stands up and holds his hand out. You felt oddly trusting of him, so you take his hand to stand up.

"I'm Colby." He smiles and you nod, "I'm y/n."

You turn around quickly, wiping the water from your face as you only remember the hands on your shoulders, "what the fuck!"

You pull the shower curtain back, peaking out as if that was the smartest thing to do, "Go away."

Nothing in response.

You lean back into the shower and fix the curtain before doing your routine. As you're rising the conditioner out of your hair, you feel like there's eyes on you.

Like someone is watching.

You finish up, quicker than you thought, and step out.

You tilt your head at the neatly folded towel on the corner of the counter and stare at it, "Did I do that?"

You think hard but can't remember.

You grab it, snapping it open so you can wrap up your hair and put the other one around your body. You open the bathroom door, and nothing else seems out of ordinary as you step out.

You turn, walking into your room and going to your closet. You shift through the hangers, finding a cute top and a pair of ripped jeans.

You toss the towel down, quickly getting dressed before taking your hair down.

A very faint, she's so pretty, causes you to snap your head towards the door, "Cami?" You slowly scrunch your hair in the towel and shake your head, it's just the tv.

After a while, there's a knock on your door and you get up to go open it, "Hey guys. Come in." You smile as Cami and your other friends walk in, greeting you with smiles.

"I just need to grab my bag then I'm ready." You walk into your room, grabbing your purse and turning to walk out when you suddenly stop.

You don't know why you stop, but you just do.

Your mind goes blank for a second and then suddenly you're walking back out to your friends like nothing just happened, "Okay. I'm ready."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"So do you come here often?"

You try not to roll your eyes at the cringey, overused pickup line, "I mean.. kind of?" You laugh slightly and sip your drink, "I only live a few minutes away."

Why would you say that? You don't know him.

Your brows furrow, "That was weird."

"What was weird?" The guy still standing infront of you asks, making you realize that you now just thought out loud, "Um, nothing. Nothing sorry. Continue."

"No." He laughs, "I like weird shit, tell me."

You sigh, smirking slightly, "Do you ever.. how do I say this." He shrugs with a smile, "Just say it."

"Do you ever feel like there's someone in your head but it's not you?" The words roll off your tongue and you instantly regret it, "Wait. No. That sounds awful."

He shakes his head, "No I know exactly what you mean."

No he doesn't.

You close your eyes, "Almost like it's someone trying to talk to you, but it's just.." you laugh, "Confusing. Weird. I don't know."

The guy nods, "I'm so glad someone else thinks the same as me."

You smile and that feeling hits again. Like you shouldn't be there. Like you're about to be sick, which can't be from the alcohol, you've only had three so far and they weren't your usual double shots.

"If you'll excuse me I need to g-" you walk away, leaving your drink at the bar. As you're walking towards the bathroom, someone steps back from the bar, too quickly for you to dodge them.

You run right into them and sigh, "Excuse you."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart."

You look up and a blonde guy is standing there. Something about him causes your curiosity to spike, "No.. it's fine. I was just-" you shake your head, "I'm sorry, is this is weird, but do I know you?"

He shrugs, "My name's Sam."

"Sam. Sam. Sam." You repeat to yourself a few times quietly, "No, sorry. I don't think I know a Sam."

"Hmm. Well maybe we can call it fate that you just happened to run into me like you did." He smirks and for some reason, his words cause you to straight up your posture, "first off, you weren't paying attention."

You smirk and tilt your head, "Second off, I swear we've had a conversation before. I just-"

"Can't think of it right now? That happens to me all the freaking time." He chuckles as he sips his drink, "Are you drinking?"

"I mean, I was. I left mine back there with a guy, I was on my way to the bathroom."

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, are you with someone?" Sam asks and you shake your head, wanting to say yes because it really feels like it, but in reality, you're not.

"No, no. My friend just left me there and he appeared and yeah. Nothing serious, I don't even know his name."

Why are you defending yourself to someone you don't know, you think, "I'm y/n. I guess I should have told you that when you told me yours."

He smiles, "Pretty name, y/n." He motions to the bar, "Can I buy you a new one?" You smile, "I think I'd like that a lot, Sam."

You step up to the bar with him and Sam flags down the one bartender, "Whatever she wants. It can go on my tab, Golbach."

As you look up at him, you get this odd feeling of déjà vu.

"What?" He asks with a smirk and you shake your head, "You just.. remind me of someone I can't really remember."

"What?" He laughs, "Sorry, I don't mean to laugh I just-"

"No, no please laugh. I'm so awkward." You cover your face with one hand and he shakes his head, "I'm sorry." He moves your hand from your face, "I think you're beautiful."

You feel your cheeks heat up and he bites his lower lip, "Can I ask you a question?"

You nod, "Yes."

He leans in, eyes focusing onto yours, "You will answer yes to my question and not question anything else. Can you follow me to the bathroom so I can have a taste of you?"

You smile, "Yes."

"That was easy." He downs the rest of his drink and slides his hand down into yours, "Follow me, princess."

You leave your drink, mind only focusing on one thing right now and you absolutely were not questioning it.

He leads you to the back, pushing the door to the bathroom open and lets you walk in first. He follows behind you, shutting the door and locking it.

He stares at you for a few seconds, the only thing he's focused on right now is listening to your blood flow through your veins.

"You're going to taste so fucking good." He moves in front of you within a second, hands on your hips which guide you back to sit you on the sink's edge.

His eyes focus on yours again, "Don't make a sound."

All you do is nod, moving your eyes from him to the wall behind him as he dips his head down to press his lips to the side of your neck.

Your eyes flutter closed as he gently sucks a spot into your neck, tongue moving over your skin before lifting his head ever so slightly.

His grip tightens on your waist as his fangs emerge, eager to be sunk into your delicate skin.

"Ready?" Sam whispers and you nod silently. He smirks and your eyes go wide, hands sliding up and gripping the collar of his shirt as his teeth sink into your skin.

His groan is muffled by your neck and his hands pull you in closer to him.

Your hand lays on the back of his head, mouth parted in completely silence as your eyes flutter closed.

The feelings you get is pain mixed with the upmost euphoric pleasure.

As you open your eyes, you see a man leaning up against the wall, watching. You can't tell who he is, as your vision is kind of hazy.

Sam lifts his head a little, "Go away Colby."

The guy, who you presume as Colby now, chuckles, "Come on, who says you can have all the fun?" Sam stands up, licking his now red lips. He lifts a finger, wiping away the blood drop that's rolling down his chin from the corner of his mouth.

"You can have your fun later. This was my idea, so I get first dibs, remember?" Sam glances back at him and he walks up next to him, eyes on you, "She is so fucking beautiful."

"Ain't she?" Sam grips your chin, "You can talk now, but you're still not questioning anything."

You clear your throat, swallowing to relieve it from the dryness and Colby sighs, "Clean her blood up, Sam."

"Why?" Sam teases, "Smells good doesn't it?"

Colby shakes his head, "You know I don't have control like you do." Sam sighs, rolling his eyes as he wipes the blood from your neck with his thumb, "Scaredy cat."

He smears some of his blood on the open wounds, getting them to heal faster so he can cover his tracks before he brings his thumb to his lips.

You watch as he licks the red liquid from his skin, "Mm." He leans back slightly before leaning back in, his voice going quieter, "So fucking good."

He presses his lips to yours and the metallic taste of your own blood washes over your tongue.

"Alright. You gotta get her back to her friends, they're ready to go to another bar." Colby moves back, leaning against the wall and Sam nods, "Do you have any questions for me, sweetheart?"

You smile slightly, reaching out to grab his shirt with your hands, "You're coming with me."

He raises a brow, "Is that a demand?"

"Only if you want it to be." You bite your lip, staring up at him as you continue to smile at him. He sighs, "I'll find you, babe. I promise."

You nod, sliding down from the sink, "You better." As you go to walk towards the door, Colby clears his throat, "Sam."

Sam sighs, "Shit, right." Sam quickly moves between you and the door, "I promise I'll undo all of this later, but for right now.." he cups your cheeks with his hands, looking into your eyes, "Forget about what happened and what you saw. You're going to tell your friends that you used the bathroom and only remember me as Sam Golbach. A regular guy from the bar down the street."

Within a blink of an eye, they're both gone and you're left standing alone in the bathroom, "Guess I'm done here."

You walk out and your friends are standing in a group by the door, "There she is. We thought you left." Cami says reaching out to grab your hand.

"No, I was just using the bathroom." You smile, "Are we going to another bar?"

Cami nods, "We're going to go hang out at Electric Avenue." You groan, "Oh my god, I love that place."

She laughs, "Then what are we waiting for?" She wraps her arm around yours and as you leave Bar Eight, you can't help but feel like you're forgetting something.

Something that happened, but you can't quite put your finger on it. That sick feeling returns, but this time it comes with heartache.

Even though you're with your friends, you feel extra lonely right now. In this moment you just want to go home, curl up in bed and cry because you're missing something so bad right now, but if anyone were to ask, you can't give them an answer that sounds sane enough for them to not laugh or think you're not crazy.

Because let's face it, the fact that you're obsessing over someone or something that you have zero knowledge about, is pretty insane.

"ID's please." The bouncer says as you walk up. You dig into your purse and pull out your wallet, slipping your id from its holder.

He checks it over, handing it back to you to move onto Cami. You wait for her by the door and when she walks through, you link your arm with hers, pretending that you're not ready to run home.

"Shots. Please!" She yells over the music and you sigh, "I'll do one, maybe two."

"We'll see." She giggles as she pulls you with her to the bar and rests her arms on the tall counter.

"Well hello ladies." The bartender walks up, "I'm Blake, anything you need I'll be happy to serve it to you."

Cami giggles, "Thank you, Blake. I think.. to start off, we'll do-" she pauses for a second, "Six teq-"

"No." You say quickly and she sighs, "Fine. Six vodka shots."

Blake smirks, "You got it." He winks at you before walking away and Cami leans in, "He is so hot." You shrug, "He's alright."

"Alright? Are we seeing the same guy? Y/n. He's into you!" She nudges your side with her elbow, "Get his number."

If he, as so little as it may seem, gets your number, I will snap his neck in front of everyone.

"No." You snap at Cami, "I'm not giving him my number. And you aren't either."

She scoffs, "Is this about the little crush you have on that character in your book because if so-"

"Cami." You roll your eyes, "no it's not about that okay." She turns towards you, leaning against the bar, "Then what's it about? Hmm."

You sigh and right as you're about to give her some bullshit answer, a guy comes up beside you and wraps his arm around your waist, "It's about me."

You look up and your mood instantly switches, "Sam! There you are."

"Here I am." He smiles as he looks down at you, "I told ya I'd meet you here."

Cami shakes her head, "Wait." She points to Sam, "Who is this and when did you meet him?"

"Cami, this is Sam Golbach. A regular guy from the bar down the street." The words seem scripted to you, but you didn't really pay attention to that.

You felt safe. Complete. Almost like this is the meaning to your obsessing and empty fantasies.

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you were talking to that other guy?" Cami tilts her head and you scoff, "You make it sound like I'm a whore, Cami."

She laughs, "Oh god, no. No, I didn't mean it-"

"It's fine." You laugh, "He knows about the other guy I was talking to. It just.. didn't work out."

Blake comes back and delivers the six shots on the tray. His eyes move to Sam, staying on him as he speaks, "Six vodka shots."

He walks away and Sam can't help but laugh, "I don't think he likes me."

"Well maybe it's because he was eyeing up your girl before you showed up." Cami grabs a shot and looks around for the others.

She waves them down, motioning for them to come over and they do. Singing along and dancing mildly to the music that's bumping through the club.

"Heyyy. Who's this?" Your other friend asks pointing to Sam. He leans forward, "I'm Sam."

"Sam. Sam. Sam." She laughs, clearly reaching her alcohol limit, and fast, "You gonna stick around?"

Sam nods, "I mean, yeah. I planned on it. At least until one of us-" he nods towards you, "- is ready to leave."

Your friend laughs, "No, no. I meant sticking around as in dating my girl here." Sam's brows raise and he nods, "I mean, yeah. Yeah. I plan on it, I mean. That's if she wants me to."

Your arm tightens around his waist and he smiles, "I think that's a yes." You nod, resting your head on his shoulder. As you're standing there, waiting for the shots to be distributed, you spot another oddly familiar face.

"Who's that guy over there?" You ask pointing across the bar. Sam leans down, "Which one, sweetheart?" You lean over slightly, "The guy next to the girl in the pink top."

"Oh that's Colby." Sam turns his head to look into your eyes, "You recognize him from back at the bar, he's a good friend of mine." Sam looks at you and you nod, "Oh okay. Yeah that makes sense. Maybe I do remember him."

Sam smiles and kisses your temple. He closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath, remembering what your blood tasted like on his tongue.

His hand grips your hip tight, loosening as he takes a shot glass from Cami, "Thank you."

You take yours and wait for Cami to tap hers against the bar. Everyone follows, tapping each glass against the wood before knocking them back.

Everyone cheers, pulling each other onto the dance floor. Sam takes your hand into his, pull you with him before spinning you around to press his chest against your back.

His hands slide down, gripping your waist as you move to the beat of the song. Your head rests back onto his shoulder and he rests his cheek against yours.

Your arm slides up, wrapping around his neck and you spin around to face him, your other arm moving up to interlock your hands behind his head.

"You're so beautiful." Sam says which causes you to smile. He brushes hair from your neck, subtly inspecting the now healed bite mark. He lick his lips, tilting his head as his eyes meet yours again.

"Does your friend need a dancing partner? I can send Cami over to talk to him?" You tilt your head and Sam chuckles, "Nah, I think he'll be alright."

"Girlfriend?" You ask and Sam shakes his head, "No."

"Oh, is he gay? My friend Curtis ca-."

Sam laughs, "No, no. He's not. He just.." he brushes hair from your face, "He has his eye on someone very special already."

"Good for him." You smile, pulling Sam closer. Sam nods, "Yeah, it really will be good for him." He leans in, lips connecting with yours and its sparks.

Bright sparks, hell. Those are fireworks.

"I don't want to leave you." You admit, "Sorry if that w-"

"I don't want to leave you, either." Sam cuts you off, lips connecting right back with yours. You lay your hand on the back of his back, sliding the other one down his chest and pushing away from him, "They're all coming back to my place, so I hope that doesn't change anything."

Sam shakes his head, "doesn't change a thing, baby."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You giggle slightly to yourself as you dig for your keys, "I hope I grabbed them."

"I'm sure they're in there." Sam says giving you a smile. Cami pushes between the two of you, "Do you have them?"

Sam glances at her and back to you, "She's looking for them."

You look up at her, "Can you move your head, you're blocking the light." You try not to laugh but fail, causing her to laugh which spreads throughout everyone else.

Sam shakes his head and you pull out your keys, jingling them as you look back, "Found them."

They all cheer and you unlock the door, pushing it open before you drag Sam in with you.

You set your bag and keys on the counter before turning to face Sam, "Do you need a drink or anything?"

He licks his lips, brushing hair from your neck, "I do, but I'll get it then."

"I can get it fo-"

He cuts you off, "I'm fine, sweetheart." He smiles, "Come on, let's go sit." He takes your hand into yours and pulls you towards the couch.

You sit on his lap, looking back at Cami and your other friends who are raiding your fridge. She gives you a look and nods towards your room.

She walks over stopping at the door way, "Y/n, can you come help me unzip my dress."

You look back at her, "Oh yeah." You get up, sliding your hand along Sam's shoulders as you walk around the couch.

Cami pulls you into your room and shuts the door, her voice is quiet, "Don't you think.. Sam is.." she trails off and you tilt your head, "Sam is? What, Cami?"

She waves her hands in a circle, "I don't know, he seems a bit.. controlling."

You laugh slightly, "What do you mean?"

"The way he just pulled you over to the couch, I mean you were just trying to offer him a drink." She shrugs, "I don't know, it just.. you just met him, we just met him, and he's already back at your place?"

"I don't understand what you're saying? You do this all the time, cami." You cross your arms, "Do you want me to kick him out?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all, y/n. I'm just saying that I get a really weird vibe from him, he just.. he seems cold." She shrugs, sighing as she turns around, "Can you unzip me quick, though please?"

You roll your eyes, reaching up to quickly unzip the dress, "I know you're just trying to look out for me, but something about him just feels.. right."

She turns around, leaning down to grab her bag, "ultimately it's your choice at the end of the day, but I'm just saying be careful. I just didn't like the way he drug you over to the couch."

"I think you're being a little dramatic." You laugh, "Now change, and come out so we can watch a movie."

You walk over to your door, opening it to walk back over to the couch. Sam greets you with open arms as you sit back down on his lap, "Everything okay?"

You nod, "Yeah, her zipper was just stuck in some loose string from her dress."

You didn't have to lie, Sam already heard everything.

"Dress okay?" He asks and you nod. He plants a kiss to your cheek, "Good."

Cami walks back out, coming over to sit next to you, "So, what movie are we watching?"

"Something funny. Oh!" Cami snaps, "Why don't we watch Vampires Suck? Have you seen it?"

"Isn't that the movie that's based off of Twilight? Doesn't actually suck?" One of your friends say, and Cami nods with a smirk as she leans forward to grab the remote, "Yes, it is, and it's supposed to suck on purpose. That's the whole point."

Sam chuckles shaking his head, the thought of watching a bad vampire movie was so cliche to him.

Cami turns his head, leaning out to look at him, "Is that alright with you?"

He looks at Cami and nods, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Cami." You sigh, "Just play the stupid movie." She sighs quietly and presses play, tossing the remote down next to her.

A little bit into the movie, you lean in to Sam, "I'll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom." He nods, giving you a smile as you get up.

You walk to the bathroom closing the door and as you look at yourself in the mirror, your mind shifts from Sam and you zone out.

"You're just.." Colby smiles, brushing hair from your face, "So pretty."

You smile, a blush rising onto your cheeks, "Thank you, Colby." He leans in, "I've honestly never come across anyone as pretty as you."

"Okay, now you're just saying stuff." You laugh and he shakes his head, "No, I'm not. I'm being serious. I've seen hundreds of faces, and yours is my favorite one of all."

You look away, laughing slyly, "Colby."

He grips your chin, turning your head back to face him, "I'm being so serious right now. I'd risk fighting Lucifer himself to be with you."

"Lucifer?" You question and Sam's voice pops up, "Colby. That's enough. Knock it off."

You look around, unable to spot Sam..

Your eyes focus on your figure in the mirror, blinking a few times before you continue to do what you went in there for.

You open the door, flicking the lights off as you walk out.

"Hey I think I'm going to head out." You look up at your friend as you sit down next to Sam and Cami, "Are you good to drive?"

They nod, "Oh yeah, I feel fine. I'll text you when I get home."

"Okay. Be careful." You smile and they nod as they walk out.

A little bit later, two more friends leave, then another one, leaving you with just Sam and Cami.

"Is it just me, or were they acting kind of weird?" You look between them and Sam shrugs, "I know they were getting tired, probably didn't want to have to sleep on the floor." He teases them reassures you, "I think they were good."

Cami yawns and stretches as she leans forward, "Yeah, I think I'm going to head home. I forgot I had an appointment early in the morning."

"But it's Saturday?" You question and she shrugs, "Yeah. There's one that has certain hours."

"Oh." You nod, "Okay." Your eyes follow her as she gets up, walking over to grab her back, "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you!"

"Yeah, okay. Love you, too." You watch her shut the door and then you slowly look over at Sam, "That was so weird."

"Maybe they just settled down, got tired from the alcohol?" Sam suggests and you shrug, "I mean, yeah. You're right." You laugh, "Sorry I'm just-"

There's another thump, almost like the same one at earlier on in the day.

"That happened earlier." You look back, "Hello?"

"Maybe it's your neighbors?" Sam stands up, "I'll go check, maybe someone else did leave."

You nod, turning around to watch as he walks back to check the rooms. He comes out of your room and shakes his head, "No one's here."

You nod, continuing to watch as he then gets this annoyed look on his face and he sighs, "Fine."

"Sam?" You slowly get up, "Who are you talking to?"

"No one, I just-" he laughs, "I have something to tell you."

Your heart starts racing and you feel like your chest gets heavy, "Oh god." Your mind starts racing through every single idea that could potentially happen.

He had a plan this whole time. Gain your trust, get your alone, murder you.

He chuckles, "Relax, sweetheart. I'm not going to murder you."

Your head snaps towards him and you point, "H-how did you-"

"I can read your mind."

His words catch you off guard, "Y0u ju- you can r-" he pause, closing your eyes as you rest your forehead in your hand, "What the fuck is hap-"

You look up, gasping when Sam is right in front of you, "Shit." You go to step back but Sam grabs your wrist.

As scared as you want to be, when he touches you, it's like all your fear washes away and you want to do anything in your power to keep him with you.

"Listen to me." Sam's voice is soft, "I have to tell you something, but I need you to not freak out." He looks into your eyes, "Okay?"

You nod your head, "Y-yeah. I guess I can try."

"Come." He motions towards the couch, "Have a seat."

You walk over, sitting down. You turn your body towards him and rest your hands in your lap. Sam leans back, casually extending his arm over the back, "I made your friends go home."

"Huh?" You tilt your head, "What do you mean you made them leave?"

He shrugs, "Because we were getting impatient and they were just being massive cockblocks."

You sit in silence as you try to process his words, "We?"

Sam nods, "Yeah, remember Colby from the bar?" You nod slowly, "um, yeah. Yes." Sam nods, "Well he's here, too."

You whip around, looking for him, but you don't see him, "Where?" You turn back around, heart racing faster, "Why is he here, too?"

Sam stares at your chest, biting his lip as he pushes the thirst for your blood out of his mind, "You can't see him, he's hiding himself."

"Hiding himself?" You run your hand through your hair, breathing out a quiet, "Fuck."

After a moment of silence, Sam speaks up, "Do you want to know what happened at the bar?"

"I know what happened at the bar. I met you, we talked had a drink, I went to the bathroom then came out and walked with my friends down the street to another club." You look at him and he smirks, "No, sweetheart. Do you want to know what really happened?"

"What really happened?" You question and Sam leans forward, looking into your eyes, "When you remember, you won't make a big deal about it."

You nod and Sam tilts his head, eyes still on yours, "Remember."

You freeze as your mind plays what actually happened at Bar Eight.

Sam compelling you to say yes to his question. Following Sam to the bathroom. Sitting on the edge of the sink and being told not to make a sound.

His teeth sinking into your neck and you can almost feel the pleasured pain he caused you as he sucked your blood from your neck.

Colby emerging from behind Sam as your vision goes hazy.

Everything flows if, filling the cracks with missing information and you're left speechless.

You blink, your eyes moving to look at Sam. The only words you can form leave you more shocked as they leave your lips, "Y-you're.. a vampire?"

Sam smiles, nodding his head as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "Correct."

"And Colby?" You raise your brows and Sam tilts his head, "He's a demon."

"A de-" you shake your head, "No. I'm dreaming I can't- this can't be real." You stand up, placing one hand on your forehead and the other on your hip, "I'm having a really, really weird dream."

"Hate to break it to ya, babe." Colby's voice startles you as he walks around from behind you. You jump, stepping back as you look at him. He holds his hand out, "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to scare ya."

He chuckles, "But you're not dreaming. You're awake, and we're here."

You slide your hand down, resting your fingers over your lips and your mind starts racking up questions.

"Yes, we're why you felt guilty after going to Tara's party." Colby nods, "And why you felt so obsessed over, well.. nothing really."

"It wasn't really nothing, y/n. We made it so you were, what? Colby. I don't even know what you'd call it." Sam looks to Colby and Colby purses his lips, "Mm."

He snaps his fingers and looks to you, "Love sick."

"We made you love us, without even knowing us. That's why you felt so comfortable with me at the bar, we'd basically manipulate your dreams so you'd know who we were, but someone.." Sam trails off, glaring at Colby before looking back to you, "Thought it would be best if we made it so you couldn't remember when you woke up."

You can feel your legs shaking below you, "And the making me do things? What.. what's that?"

"Oh the compulsion?" Sam nods, "Yeah, that's my favorite thing about being a vampire." He laughs, "I can make anyone do anything I wanted."

"So you.. compelled me.. to.." you point to your neck and he nods, "Yes."

"Why?" You stare at him and he shrugs, "Come on, if a stranger came up to you and said follow me to the bathroom, I want to bite your neck and drink your blood, would you have honestly, willingly gone with?"

"I mean, no but- wait." You point to Colby, "You don't like my blood?"

He sighs, "Ah, yeah. That."

"He could rip you apart if he really wanted to." Sam laughs and Colby rolls his eyes, "So could you, Sam."

Sam nod, leaning back to bring one of his legs up to least on his other one, "That's true. I could tear you apart if I wanted."

Sam is in front of you within the blink of an eye and you lean back slightly. His arm snakes around your wait, hand planting on the small of your back, "But I think you are just.. the sweetest thing."

There is absolutely no fear in your body, and they both know it.

"Why me?" You ask, your breathing growing faster as Sam slides his other hand up your arm to push your hair out of the way, "Why not you?"

His fingers run over the spot he had previously drank from before, "You have such a pretty face, on a pretty neck. You drive me crazy."

He leans in, lips gently pressing against your skin before tilting his head up, "Tell me you don't want me right now. Tell me you don't want us.. right now."

"I-I." You gasp as you feel Colby appear behind you, his hands sliding onto your waist. You bite down on your lip, "Are you going to hurt me?"

"Not unless you want us to, baby." Colby chuckles, "We're here to pleasure you. Make you feel things you've never even thought of feeling."

Colby presses his chest against your back and Sam tilts his head, "We don't take orders from anyone.." his thumb brushes over your bottom lip, "But you."

A rush of excitement washes over you and they both chuckle, "she's excited." Colby whispers, "I can feel it."

"This is so fucking weird." You laugh, still slightly in shock, "Oh my god."

"What do you say, sweetheart." Sam looks into your eyes, "Will you let us be your sickening desire?"

Your lips part open as Colby's lips attach to your neck, sucking a mark into your neck.

You had to admit, the devils voice is so sweet to hear.

Along with them being pretty cute for being, what others would consider monsters.

"You think we're cute?" Sam teases and you sigh, "My thoughts aren't safe anymore are they?"

Sam shakes his head, "Not at all, babe."

"You share them with us now." Colby whispers, "So are you going to answer Sam's question. Are you going to let us show you what an exhilarating ride it is to dance with the devil?"

After taking a moment to think, your eyes meet Sam's and you nod, "Take me."

"As you wish." He lifts you up, walking over to the couch, "But before we start. Can I have that drink now?"

"So that's what you meant?" You bite your lip and he nods, "Uh huh. Exactly." He looks over at Colby and when you look over at him, he's gone.

Sam turns your chin back towards him, "He's not too far off." He winks and slides his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer to him as he leans up, mouth close to your neck.

Your hands grip the collar of his shirt, preparing for the initial piercing of your skin.

"Tell me when. You call the shots." Sam whispers and you nod, "Go."

You let out a whine, tilting your head to the side as his fangs sink into your neck.

Your fists tighten with his collar still balled up in them, and a moan slips through. Sam wraps tightens his arm around your waist, groaning against your neck.

The euphoric feelings rushes in, causing your arousal to spike.

You need him, and you needed him bad.

Your mind dances off onto the topic of Colby, thinking about how good he looks in the black leather jacket.

How his dark demeanor intimidates you, but also turns you on more than anything.

"Fucking hell, babe. You taste fucking good." Sam leans back, fangs still out as his licks the blood from his lips.

Your eyes gaze over his face as you slide a hand up, wiping away a bead of blood that's getting ready to drip. You drag your finger up his chin, slowly placing it in his mouth and you gasp when his lips wrap around it, sucking your flood off your finger.

"I know I should be scared but.." you bite your lip, pulling your finger from his lips, "I'm not."

"We don't want you to be scared." Sam whispers, "We love you."

Without any hesitation, "I love you both."

"That's the way we want it." He smirks, looking over your shoulder, "You good, Colbs?"

"Oh yeah." Colby answers from behind, "Clean her up. I want my turn with her." Sam smirks and licks his lips again before leaning forward.

A shiver goes down your spine from Colby's words and Sam's tongue gliding over the fresh puncture wounds.

A little whimper leaves your lips, "Please."

"Soon baby." Both say in unison.

"Stand up for me, princess." Sam says and you stand up, slightly wobbly. Colby moves behind you, sweeping you off your feet, "You'll get used to that the more it happens."

You stare up at him, captivated by how a demon can look so pretty.

"I'm not in my true form, sweetheart." Colby smirks, walking you into your room, "Maybe one day I'll show you."

"What do you look like?" You ask and Colby lays you on the bed, "Let's not talk about that right now." He licks his lips, pressing them to yours.

Your hands move to his neck, moaning quietly against them. He slides a hand down, slipping it under your shirt, earning a moan as he toys with your nipple.

You tilt your head back, arching your back as he pinches a bit harder.

You wonder where Sam is, and he instantly appears next to you, "I'm right here, princess." He smirks down at you and you bite down on your lip.

You had so many emotions flooding through your mind and body.

You have never, never felt like this before and that was part of their goal.

Colby slips his hand out, gripping your shirt at the top and tearing it with a smooth glide, exposing your chest, "Mm. Naughty girl, not wearing a bra."

You bite your lip, looking down at him and he smirks, "I like it better when you don't." He winks and leans down, attaching his lips to one nipples while his fingers find the other.

A moan leaves your lips as you lay a hand on the back of his head, "Fuck."

Sam leans down slightly, laying a hand on your head and brushing it over your hair, "We've been watching you for a while now. Did you know that?"

"N-no." You whimper and Sam chuckles, "Of course not. We didn't want to make you love sick, we just needed a way to make you ours before we told you who we truly are."

Colby leans up, "You're the only sense of humanity we have."

"Really?" You look from him to Sam and Sam nods, "Really." You look back to Colby as you feel your jeans being unbuttoned. You lift your hips, eager for them to be off quicker.

Sam stands up, unbuttoning his shirt as Colby works on undressing you fully, "Shit, this is so fucking hot."

Colby smirks, chuckling as he slides his hands up your bare legs, stopping at the band of your panties, "You're more than ready for us, aren't you?"

You nod quickly, "Yes." You move your hips up and down, "yes."

"Taste her, Colby." Sam commands and with that, your panties are ripped from your body, tossed like nothing to the floor.

"Fuck." Colby groans, quickly getting into position with his head between your thighs. Your lips part as you watch his inch closer to you, biting down on your lip when he glances up at you.

He closes the space, his tongue gliding up and down your folds, groaning against you as he finally tastes what he's been anticipating.

Sam's eyes are heavily focused on Colby, watching as he eats you out, "Fuck." He whispers, hand sliding down to palm himself.

You slide your arm towards him while placing your other hand on Colby's head, moaning as your back arches, "S-Sam."

Sam's eyes move to you, instantly picking up on what you want to do for him. He discards his pants, his boxers quickly following, leaving him naked as he climbs on the bed.

He sits on his knee, resting back on his calves as he reaches down. His fingers wrap around your wrist, guiding it to wrap around his cock.

He lets out a relieving moan, bucking his hips as you squeeze and gently stroke him up and down, "F-fuck."

His chest rises and falls quickly as his eyes watch you touch him.

You look over, locking eyes with him as you moan. He focuses on yours, "Cum."

Your body tenses up as a wave of absolute pressure washes over your body, screaming out as you tug on Colby's hair, which earns a deep groan from him.

"That's it, princess." Sam moans, "Fuck."

You catch your breath, watching as Colby sits up. He moves up, attaching his lips to yours and you moan at the taste of yourself on his tongue that moves against yours.

Sam grabs your wrist, pulling it away from him as he moves to the end of the bed. Once Colby climbs off, Sam grabs your ankles, easily pulling you down so your legs hang down.

You watch as Sam drops to his knees, hooking his arms under your knees as he moves in. His tongue slips into you, groaning as you gasp, "Sh-it."

Colby gets onto the bed, biting his lip as he watches you take his cock into your hand without being told, "Such a good girl." He reaches down, running his thumb over your bottom lip.

You part them, taking his thumb into your mouth and sucking. He tilts his head, watching the sight below him.

He looks down at Sam, watching him devour you before looking back, "Use your mouth, baby."

You comply, you don't need any kind of compulsion to do anything.

It's all you.

You push his thumb out of your mouth with your tongue, lifting your head to allow the tip of his cock to replace it.

He gasps, moaning as he lays a hand on the back of your head, "More, baby. Take more of me."

You swirl your tongue, coating him in saliva before you push your head onto him more. You moan around him as Sam slips a finger into your soaked cunt, tongue swirling around your clit.

Colby fights to keep his eyes open, "Shit." He pushes your head down, holding it there as he thrusts his hips, "Doing so fucking good."

Your back arches and your moans are muffled. Colby holds still, allowing you to have control again.

You bob your head, pausing as Sam slips another finger in, curling them slowly as he sucks your clit.

"Fuck." Colby glances down at Sam and back to you, brushing hair from your face. You tilt your head back, taking a deep breath as you moan loudly.

Colby moves back a little, leaning down to whisper in your ear, "Cum."

You whimper as your orgasm rushes in again, ripping loud moans and screams from your throat as you cum around Sam's fingers.

"Does that feel good?" Colby asks stroking his hand over your hair, "Looks like it does."

"Yesyesyes!" You scream out, "Fuck yes!"

Sam pulls his fingers out, standing up to lean down over you. Your eyes lock into his as he slips his two fingers into your mouth, "lick them clean for me."

Your tongue swirls around his fingers, sucking them clean like he said. He drags them out, pulling your bottom lip down slightly as he leans down to kiss where he bit a not, too long ago.

He reaches up, gripping your chin as he studies your face, "I want to drink from you while Colby fucks you from behind."

You nod, "P-please, Sam."

"You don't have to beg, princess. Not this time." He smirks and stands up, walking around to lay on the bed, "Come here."

You sit up, turning around to crawl up the bed, straddling his lap. Colby moves behind you, hands on your hips as you lean down to connect your lips with Sam's.

You feel spit run down over your center, followed by Colby's cock rubbing it in before slipping the tip of his cock in.

You gasp into Sam's mouth and both of their hands hold your body still, "Feel good?" Sam asks lowly and you nod, eyes closed as you moan, "So good."

Sam kisses down the front of your neck, licking back up to under your jaw, "Think you can take both of us at once?"

His words surprise you and he chuckles, "Only if you want to try of course."

Colby pushes his cock into you, groaning as his fingers dig into your hips, "Shit." He bites down on his lip, slowly pulling out before starting to thrust at a slow pace.

You moan, looking down at Sam. He watches your face scrunch up as he slides his hand up to your neck, slowly squeezing.

"fuck, I can't fight it anymore." Sam groans as he pulls your hair back into a make shift ponytail, holding it with his hand, "Stay as still as you can for me, okay?"

You whimper in response, moaning from Colby's cock thrusting in and out of you.

Sam licks his lips, tilting his head to get to the side he hasn't bit yet. He pulls you in close and sinks his fangs into your neck.

You let out a small yelp, quickly covering it up with a loud moan. You fist the sheets next to Sam, pulling in them as you try to stay as still as you can.

Colby's grip on your hips is tight enough to where you know you'll have small round bruises from his fingers digging into your skin.

Sam sucks your neck, moaning lowly as lifts his head slightly. His eyes flick down to your neck, "I'll never get enough of you."

"I'm yours." You moan out quietly, "Both of yours."

"Who do you belong to?" Colby asks, "Say it louder."

Sam reconnects his mouth to your neck, making your vision go blurry, "Y-yours." You moan, screaming out, "Both, I belong to you both."

"That's our girl." Colby groans, "Our fucking girl."

Sam lifts his head, licking your neck clean and lays his head back. You stare down at him as Colby's thrusts come to a stop.

Sam reaches down, grabbing his cock to slide it into your cunt along with Colby's.

You let out a whimper as you feel yourself stretching to accommodate them both, "F-fuck." You hang your head down, whimpering as they both start to thrust, quickly finding a pace.

Sam slides his hand back up, cupping your cheek, "Tell us how good you feel."

"So.. fucking.." you gasp, "Good!"

"Do you want to cum?" Colby asks and you answer him immediately, "Yes, yes. So bad." A string of whines and moans leave your lips non-stop.

"Little bit longer baby." Colby rubs his hand up and down your back, "Doing so good for us."

Your eyes scan quickly over Sam's face. There's just something about the blood covering his chin that turns you on even more.

"Thank you." He groans out with a smirk. You smile, biting your lip as your brows furrow, "Oh fuck. Fuck."

"Think she's had enough, Colbs?" Sam asked eyes not leaving your face.

"She's earned a break." Colby answers and Sam pinches your chin between his pointer and thumb, "Look at me, princess."

You open your eyes and he locks his onto yours, "Cum."

Pleasure washes over you, causing your body to shake as it feels much more powerful than the last two orgasms you had.

You feel their cocks slip out of you and you cling to Sam, moaning and whining as you work your way through your high.

"That's it, baby. That's it." Sam whispers as he plants kisses on your face, leaving little spots of blood.

You slowly relax, breathing heavy as you roll off of Sam to lay on the bed.

"You know. You look so cute with blood on your face." Sam leans over and smiles down at you. You laugh slightly, too tired to even care.

You feel someone one wiping you off and Sam comes back with a clean face and something to wipe yours off with.

You didn't think they would do this, you thought they were just going to have their way with you and leave.

"Just because we're labeled as not good doesn't mean we don't care about the aftercare part." Colby smirks slightly and you smile, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, sweetheart. You have a lot to learn." He winks and pulls the blankets up over your legs, "And yeah, that means we aren't going anywhere."

"Mhm. We claimed you." Sam says lying next to you, he brushes hair from your face, "so does it all make sense now?"

You nod, looking between them, "oh yeah. Everything is so much clearer now."

"You're still in shock aren't you?" Colby asks and you bat the air, "not at all." He raises a brow and tilts his head, "We can tell how you're feeling, babe. No need to lie."

You sigh, "Okay, fine. Maybe a little bit."

Colby lays next to you on your other side and rubs your arm, "Do you have any questions for us?"

"Were those thuds I heard earlier, you guys?" You ask as you pull the blanket up a little more. Sam laugh, "Yeah, that was Colby accidentally knocking stuff over."

You laugh, "This is just.." you sigh, "I'm sure I have more questions, I just.. my brain right now is so scrambled."

"You're fine, princess." Sam smiles, "You need rest."

"Will you be here in the morning?" You ask and look between them. Sam nods and Colby smiles, "We're always with you."

Sam smirks, "You have claim on us now."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did and let me tell you, it was A LOT. So let me know how I did!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

Taglist: @fawned01 @theblackcatwitch @jaeyuns-world @littlec0ffeegirl @rosie-writings @nikkiwastaken

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode seven thoughts

hey what if i cried. what if I lay down on the floor and curled up in a ball and wept and wailed my little heart out?? what then???

ohhh my god. oh my god. i've said like twice now that this show keeps giving me everything i've ever wanted but it just keeps being true!!! i'm going to sob how does every episode just keep getting better How do the writers know exactly what i want and then do it better than i thought of are they in my head??? oh my godddd this episode was devastating

hey i'm gonna cry. what do you mean edwin died scared and alone so he made sure charles didn't. that's devastating actually!!! he died in the dark and he was scared and he had no one, so he brings charles a lamp and answers his questions about ghosts and reads him a detective story with silly voices. what the hell that's so. i do not have words for this it hits so deeply!!! edwin is so deeply kind in a way that doesn't always come across because he's also a prickly bitch, and i love him so much holy shit

hell was genuinely so unsettling what the fuck. the spider MADE OF DOLL HEADS(??!!!?!?!?!?!) was bad enough, but it was such an incredibly good choice to have it appear empty on the way in and only be able to see all the suffering on the way out. it really upped the creep factor in the first part, and then really made the escape feel frenzied. very well done!! the imagery was insane, i really Believed that this was Actual Hell

actually on that point. there was one detail that meant so so much to me, in a way i'm not quite sure how to explain but will give my best effort. after edwin's conversation with simon, after they reach some kind of closure, the blue light implying that simon is able to move on in some way and maybe leave hell... if someone wasn't raised christian & subsequently deconverted idk if that stands out to anyone else, but. okay basically there's a conversation about how hell, by definition, cannot be just because it's infinite punishment for a finite crime. and that wasn't necessarily the point of the scene, but as someone who's been doing a lot of unpacking stuff around this recently it just. it hit hard man. in a good way! that scene actually means so much to me... god this whole episode is fantastic

crystal confronting daniel!!! my god i am so proud of our girl!!! yess take your agency back and regain control of your life!!!!! also jenny frequently being annoyed by crystal but still following her to a spooky abandoned area with a knife just so she won't have to face her abusive ex alone... god i love jenny. like yeah she's abrasive and kinda a dick but also she truly cannot stop herself from providing support to these two weird as hell teenagers living above her shop.

AND NIKO!!!! god niko was absolutely brilliant this episode... absolutely the mvp of the entire show goddamn, she really read the rules and made that the night nurse's problem <3 i love that for her so much. however i will say something has been worrying me. that magic 8 ball that's supposed to tell you when you're going to die has apparently been consistently saying 'outlook not good' and it's been mentioned twice now. and given that this show doesn't establish things like that and let them go to waste... i am Concerned. not to mention, the scene where it was her and the night nurse talking about zombies?? like idk it could be nothing!!! but also that is classic foreshadowing so i am simply concerned!!!

alright i got most of the immediate thoughts CONFESSION SCENE. HOLY SHIT. okay so i know i'm not super into confessions and i tend to nitpick when fictional characters behave certain ways pertaining to romance depending on whether the narrative promotes it or not (yes, i have a complicated relationship with romance, it came free with the demiromanticism. but also my partner is amazing so if written characters aren't that's just kinda a skill issue? lol). ANYWAY. this scene though was amazing. edwin tells charles how he feels, putting no pressure on charles to respond or feel the same. and charles clearly isn't sure how he feels- it doesn't seem like he's ever thought of edwin in that way before, and he's awkward about it but still assures edwin that even if he doesn't know if he can return those feelings, edwin is still incredibly important to him and nothing's gonna change that.

god it's just. such a good way to handle that scene!! literally everything i hoped for ^^ even if charles doesn't feel the same (which i didn't think he would given they've been hinting at romance with crystal and not building romantic feelings towards edwin the same way they've been building edwin's feelings for him but as always who knows) he still reaffirms how much he cares about edwin, because like i've been saying they're the most important person to each other and it truly does not matter if it's platonic or romantic!!!

i also love how well this lined up with established characterization haha. like, of course charles made a deal with the night nurse and leaped into hell headfirst and alone to rescue edwin, he's impulsive even when he isn't emotionally compromised and he'd never abandon his best mate. of course niko tries to connect with the people around her and ends up being incredibly helpful with a unique insight, that's what she's been doing this whole time! of course crystal runs off to find her own way to hell after being stopped from accompanying charles, she hates feeling useless and consistently endangers herself for the sake of her friends. of course edwin tries to convince simon to escape hell with him, he's heartbreakingly good and has spent the whole show trying to help people no one else can. it's all so... god, they are who they are and i love them so much

anyway i will leave u all with a funny thought i had. i haven't engaged with the fandom outside of my pal noble sorry if this is a joke everyone is already making

the cat king: i'll be here waiting when he escapes hell again, god i'm such a romantic meanwhile, charles breaking into hell:

[connorstollenthusiast]

Strawberry fields.

Connor Stoll x F!reader

A/n : this a a re-Upload from my old account, ConnorStollFanpage. Soo, if you think you've read it you probably have, lol, sorry 😭

Word count - 632

You never particularly noticed Connor Stoll. The only thing you really noted about him, and his brother was that much like you, they were also known troublemakers around camp. And you have spent a considerable amount of time in the big house waiting around to get lectured by Chiron.

But this year, it felt like something had changed… It was weird all of a sudden Connor Stoll was attractive? When you walked into camp borders this year you expected change, you hadn’t seen anybody from camp for 9 months. But one week after arriving the same person was stuck in your head. Connor, why had you all of a sudden started seeing him like this?

You noticed yourself staring at him across the dining pavilion, offering your food up to the goddess of love, hoping that would maybe help him see you the same way you see him. But all your efforts seemed to go unnoticed, or maybe intentionally ignored. You really hoped it wasn’t the second option.

You found yourself weaving a flower crown out of strawberry vines, and dandelions, those were one of Connor's favorite flowers, you weren’t sure why he liked them so much but he was always picking them up and shoving them into his shorts pockets. It was a really stupid quirk of his you had noticed. You weren’t ever going to give him the flower crown, but it was fun to imagine. And fun to use your powers, and grow vines to use for crafts.

“What’re you doing y/n?” Connor, asked plopping down next to you.

“Working on a flower crown.” You hummed slightly, trying not to appear nervous, or make eye contact.

“That’s cool, can you teach me how to?”

“Sure, it's sorta difficult.” You mumbled, setting the half finished crown in your lap “it took me a while to learn”

“It can’t be that hard, it’s just putting some plants together.”

You snickered, picking your crown back up. “So, what you do first is measure your head with the vines.” you said, wrapping the vines around his head carefully.

“Ohh, okay..” He mumbled nervously, shifting in his spot slightly. You thought that you sorta overstepped with that, but you had to actually try ‘flirting’ with him, or all your efforts would be in vain.

“Then, what I do is I sorta just braid them together..It's hard to explain so just watch.” You smiled, showing him your technique. He plucked a few vines and tried his best to inmate what you were doing.. Except it wasn’t going as smoothly as you made it look, but he was trying.

“Y/n, are you almost done?”

“Yeah, I just needa tie it up.” You mumbled, carefully tying the crown together in the back. “Here, I'm done.”

“Oh, woah.. Yours is actually good.” he smiled, revealing the mess of a flower crown he had attempted to weave together.

You tried not to bust out laughing, it was a heep of strawberry vines messily wrapped together.. But Connor had made it, so that made the crown appealing to you. “Yours is….unique..”

“It's actually not horrible for my first try.” He snickered, looking at his own creation.

“Yeah, you’ll get better if you practice.” You laughed, placing your complet crown onto his head. “It looks good on you.”

“Does it?” he laughed, adjusting it on his head trying to get it to lay flat on his hair.

“Yeah it does.” You smiled, standing up from your initial spot on the ground. “Well- uh..Goodnight, Connor” you awkwardly smiled, waving goodbye.

“Uh..yeah, goodnight Y/n.” Connor said, fumbling with the crown watching you leave with a Stupid smile on his face. Gods, this was definitely going to be all he could think about for the next week.

[libra-stellium]

Pluto 11H Transit - Personal Observation

As Pluto's been hanging around the last degree of Capricorn I've been feeling so unsatisfied in my friendships and my goals lol a weird feeling like it's not bad but like....it's off and not really what I want.

The other day someone asked me if I had any goals for this year and I said no bc I did not write out goals and I haven't for 2 years! The goals I made 5 years ago that I really wanted didn't happen and I got tired of re adding them to my goals for the new year so I just stopped altogether lmfao but partly because as the years went by I got more like "idek what I want!!!" about them!

With friendships I've been realizing that I don't have friends in my immediate environment that share my more exciting interests. Astro for example Idk anyone in person that knows more than just the basic like their big 3 and how to look up their chart and some people are even against it for "witchcraft" lol and other exciting interests I have are creative and I've been calling it excitement blue balls lmfao when I get super excited about something and I show my friends and they just don't get it at all or they get it after I explain but it's just not exciting for them so they can't match my excitement lol and it's so disappointing! The other day I was looking up pluto 11H natally and it was talking about how someone with this placement can be a loner and that's accurate for the transit too! I find myself doing things alone a lot bc I'm the "host" of my group of friends and they are all part of different groups (family or friends) but for me this is my one group so when they are doing things with their other groups I'm literally alone lol so the thought of "i want different/more friends!" is in my head a lot!

Ready to leave this transit behind! But first let's look back omg

(Description from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand)

Period of great changes in your long range goals and your hopes for the future

This transit started in 7th grade for me and now I'm 29 lmao so yeah things have definitely changed! But I think that's around the time I started seriously saying I wanted to be a lawyer and in early high school I did these summer camp things for legal justice. I'm a lawyer now and it's like yay......I guess lmfaooo idk like it pays my bills I can't complain! However for the last 2 years I've been wanting to get a different job and nothing I've seen has looked exciting and I'm like maybe it's bc I'm not looking up what I want but what do I want?? idk!

The kinds of people you have as friends will change

This has definitely been true because this transit started a year ish after I came to the US and that's when my fam told me that it wasn't temporary so all my friendships from Haiti that I had just kind of died overnight bc it was hard back then to communicate internationally and I was also 11 lol and my fam does not value friendships so no one even cared! Those friends and I were definitely like the "it" group of elementary school lol but the friends I made in middle school were different bc we just minded our business and entertained ourselves! Then in high school my friend group changed again bc I was in IB classes so the people I was around were different and I had to be a lot more social and I stopped seeing my middle school friends around. Then in college I was on a caribbean dance team and that's who I was around and they were all black bc caribbean which was so different from my friends throughout middle and high school. It was interesting bc going in I thought I would have been more like them bc i am caribbean but I was still different bc I grew up in haiti and they grew up here lol Then in law school I went to an HBCU and the vibes were off for me bc so much elitism so I only stuck to a couple people and minded my business lol

Activities that you once enjoyed may no longer appeal to you now

I can't remember for the entire transit but recently that's why I've been like eh about my friendships bc the stuff that they want to do I used to want but now I don't anymore so I go more to hang out with them instead of bc I want to do whatever it is lol this halloween season for example I wanted to do this bar crawl and this party on saturday and everyone bailed so I ended up skipping the bar crawl and going to the party alone and like I had a great time!! I was in the front by the DJ and I know i'm gonna be in their promo pictures lmao but then there's another party on halloween that I'm going to and I didn't even really want to do it I wanted to do this boat party but again no one wanted to do that so lol

You will be looking for quite a different kind of friendship than you have had in the past. Now you seek out people who will provide very intense encounters because you are seeking to confront new dimensions of yourself through them

Real af bc I was just saying the other day how I want more nurturing and caring and intimate friendships! I also find meeting people who are eccentric exciting because I'm literally studying them lol especially if i know their astro placements I'm like mm i know why!

One friendship in particular may change your life at this time. You may meet someone who affects you so strongly that the entire course of your life is changed

This has to be my bestie! We literally met in middle school in 2008 and then she moved out of state the next year and we somehow managed to stay besties long distance this entire time and now that we have our own money we see each other more and travel together lol I feel like if I didn't have the one stable friendship I might have ended up in friend groups that wouldn't have been good for me lol

Avoid associating with individuals just because they are powerful and persuasive

This showed up a lot for me in law school bc I swear you have to be a bit insane to choose this as a career path and yes I know I chose it too and yes I think I am a bit insane for it lmao but maybe not as much as some others which is why I ended up keeping to myself. So many clashing egos as if we weren't literally just students lol I met this one girl and we had started to become friends and she persuaded me to come over to her place and teach her how to cook some foods bc we're both Haitian and then I realized that she literally just wanted me to meal prep for her and I was like uhhhhhhh.... and avoided her after that lmao I also could not get myself to gaf about networking and I really tried!! These professors were not clicking for me and befriending random attorneys at events bc of the firm they work at idk it wasn't my vibe lol

Possible you will meet someone who can really act as a guide and teacher

Idk if I can say I've met them bc they are people I only know online but I've come across a few people that I still go to for advice and guidance! We're friends now but when I met him it was bc I got a tarot reading from him where he looked at the entire upcoming year and that was honestly so helpful!

You may become associated with a group or movement that wants to reform society

Yeah that was the goal in law school lol I wanted to do juvenile justice at first to help the kids and then I wanted to do family law to help the kids and then I wanted to do immigration to help the families and I still kind of want to do immigration but I'm in patents lmao unfortunate detour

Shallow old friendships may end under this transit

My friendship with my high school bestie ended in 2014 I wanna say which is one of the years when this transit was exact on my 11H degree and it was a shallow friendship bc we were besties bc we had every class together and sat next to each other bc of our last names lol it was great at the time but then we went to different colleges in different states and it wasn't sustainable lol then in 2017 another friendship ended with my roommate of 3yrs after we graduated college and idek what happened there lol we were just really good roommates but not friends that would stay friends outside of that. There's also people I used to hang out with all the time that now I only see on socials and say happy birthday to lol

The fundamental purpose of this transit are transformation through your friendships and regeneration of your goals

Friends have definitely been a major part of my growth over the years not just through my personal experiences with them but also with their experiences with other people lol I'm always thinking about why people act how they act and a lot of times i can see how I acted similarly and it clicks for me! It's my 1H saturn return right now so a major thing has been observing my own behavior and I've been working through a lot of people pleasing tendencies after going NC with my mom and I think that I made friends along the way based on the things that they liked that I liked too but not the things that I liked you know??? lol idk how else to say that! But yeah now that I'm more aware of it and also choosing to do things I find exciting I'm leaning toward things that in my group i'm the only one into them lol idk how to go about making new friends based on that tho!

Idk about the goals still so I'm hoping that once Pluto leaves Capricorn for good I can have some clarity lol

(I wrote this post last night and had a dream about my glasses being shattered and when I looked it up it was talking about not having the tools to look at reality with clarity..........okayyyyyyyy so where are the tools? lmao in the closet? at home depot?)

[slade-neko]

Fallout TV Show was... not good.

I was in the process of writing up a full review post on the Fallout TV Show, but realizing how very negative it was, I decided to scrap it! Instead I'd rather focus on explaining my reasons why I dislike it as much as I do.

Coming from a fan of the OG Fallout games, FO3 and New Vegas, someone who cared deeply for this series, this is what I thought...

Alright, yeah it's a TV show adaption of a VIDEO GAME, so I didn't expect it to be good, but holy heck was it atrocious. I was shocked to see how many positive reviews it was getting. I honestly began to think maybe I was crazy that I wasn't seeing it as some amazing masterpiece reviews were calling it.

Eventually I learned majority of the reviewers praising it admitted they weren't big fans of Fallout to begin with, which makes a lot more sense to me now. I can definitely understand that if you're not a big fan of Fallout, then you're likely to be more accepting of the show. I remember an interview with the show creator before it was out where he specifically stated that he wasn't targeting Fallout fans with the show.

Okay, so that explains away the writing, plot holes, and disregard for Fallout's lore (which I could complain about for hours, but I won't), but the show itself was still extremely nasty and disturbing... I know this is just Hollywood humor at this point, but I swear the writers couldn't go an episode without spewing s*x jokes or inserting their weird fetishes. Constant reference to incest, some guy eff'd a chicken, lady birthed piranhas that ate her, and just outright debauchery on a next level. Who even was the target audience for this show?! Rick & Morty fans? The Fallout games have mature themes sure, but not to this degree of weird extremified fetish content. That crap's more in line with Fallout modding if anything haha. For someone with decent morals, this show was physically hard to watch at times and made me cringe constantly. Sometimes I feel like Hank Hill watching this stuff... how can people simply ignore that crap? It's downright disturbing.

I know, I'm a "doomer", but this show really said a lot as to where Fallout is headed as a series considering Todd Howard confirmed the show as canon. Can't say I'm too excited for Fallout 5 after this TV series (and Starfield didn't help either lol.)

I definitely get how some fans see this as an attack on the old lore as it truly feels like Bethesda is trying to wipe away Interplay's original Fallout lore from the old games and start fresh with Bethesda's own NEW lore. Can't say I'm looking forward to Season 2 that will likely mess up my favorite Fallout video game, Fallout: New Vegas.

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Angst/Depressing/Death(?)

Penelope's Brother Reader x The gang (platonic)

Reader has been struggling with major paranoia ever since he received a letter from an anonymous source stating that his sister would be killed if he didn't work on a case by himself to save the anonymous source from a mob of crazy murderers and contains all the details about Penelope's address. This source turns out to be the unsub that the FBI are working on capturing and the "mob" is the gang. Reader doesn't realise it until its too late. He's standing in front of the gang, protecting the unsub knowing that if the unsub dies or betrayed, a bomb that is in Penelope's office will go off. He has a hard choice to make: save his sister and kill the gang, or betray the unsub and kill his sister

(You can choose how it plays out. Does the reader die? Does the bomb go off? Does Penelope get injured and reader try killing himself for it? Though I would prefer Penelope to be alive. Ain't no one killing dat baddass gal)

I tried my best with this, but I'm not sure how I feel about what I've written lol

Warnings: threats, guns, explosives, gun shot wound, explosion

Word count: 1482

The letter had sat on your keyboard when you walked to your desk in the morning. You opened it, thinking nothing of it. Until various photo of Penelope had fallen out and then you read the letter. Read the threat against your sister's life and the warnings issued out to you. That if you told anyone, he'd kill her, with strict instructions to meet him at a warehouse today at 1pm. You stuffed the letter into your pocket and looked around cautiously. The five minutes it took Penelope to come in that morning felt like an eternity.

When she did it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Penelope gives you a curious look as she begins to head to her Bat Cave, “Wait!” When Penelope looks at you, you give a grin, “Why don’t you work out here today?”

“Because all my computers are in my office?” Penelope answered, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re acting weird.”

“Nah, everything’s all good,” You answer with a shrug, “Oh, hey, I misplaced my hard drive, can you show me how to access the camera’s in here so I can find where I put it?”

She gives you a strange look before

“Right, now I need to go set up my office,”

“But-”

“Never mind,” She sighed, “We have a case.” You breathed a sigh of relief, she wouldn’t go in her office just yet. Maybe you could sneak in and check it before she went in. She went into the round table room whilst you waited in the bullpen, sending the team into the round table room as they walked in.

With everyone now in, you made your way into the room as Penelope began to explain the case. The case was local, no jet needed. You treat the case as normal, telling Penelope to avoid spots she usually goes to, take different routes, work from the briefing room, anything out of the ordinary in hopes it’ll keep her safe. Penelope looks at you like you’ve grown a second head but just nods.

“Sir, can I talk to you?” You furrow your eyebrows as Penelope approaches Hotch.

“Pen, everything okay?” You ask, your anxiety bleeding through your voice.

She gives you a smile and a wink, “Always baby brother,”

When she’s out of your vision, you can’t help but be anxious, you know logically she’s safe with Hotch but you can’t help the worry.

“There’s something going on with (Y/N),” Penelope sighs, “It’s like he’s paranoid,”

Hotch furrows his eyebrows, “Do you have any idea what might be bringing this on?”

Penelope shakes her head, “I have no idea.” She replies, “He’s telling me to change my routine, go to different coffee shops, use different routes, things like that.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“He says nothing’s wrong.” Hotch pauses for a moment before nodding.

“Alright, I’ll check in on him,” Hotch says, Penelope nods, thanking him before leaving the room.

When you see Penelope leaving the room, you look at your computer scene, acting like you haven’t been watching them to make sure everything was okay.

“Oh, did you manage to find your USB?” Penelope asked as she approached you.

“What? Oh! Yeah,” You give an unconvincing smile as you turned back to the screen.

When the time rolls around, you take your lunch break, making your way to the destination. Looking back on it now, you kicked yourself. It really should have been obvious. But you didn’t make the connection until you’re standing in front of the man who sent the letter, he gives you a smirk and it clicks. You realise it’s the unsub. You close your eye as you sigh deeply, your head whips round when you hear the door open and multiple footsteps. The gang that was trying to kill him, you stand in front of him, protecting him (and finding yourself in disbelief that you’re actually protecting this monster). And then to make it worse, the team filter in. And now, you’re stood in front of the unsub, two groups aiming their guns in your direction: the team, and the gang the unsub had pissed off.

"(Y/N), come on man," Derek started, "We don’t know what’s going on but just put the gun down and step out of the way."

Not taking your eyes off the gang, you shake your head, "No, no. You don't understand, I can't."

The teak watch the unsub in confusion as he slowly starts to smirk. "What don't we understand?" Hotch asks.

The unsubs breath tickles your throat as he whispers, "If you tell them, I'll set it off now."

"I-Its complicated," You try. "I can't tell you."

"Why can't you tell us?" Spencer asks.

"I-" You don't finish, not knowing what to say.

"Because I'll kill her," The unsub behind you chimes in and panic shoots through your stomach.

"Who?" Morgan asks.

"What was her name?" The unsub sighs, "Oh, that's it! Penelope Garcia."

You watch as the team go rigid, you know you're going to get a Lecture From Hell when you see Hotch's facial expression. You knew you should have told someone, you knew you should have reported it immediately. But common sense goes out the window the minute someone threatens your sister. What were you supposed to do? Just risk her life like that? No. You kept it quiet, begged her not to use her office, to stay at your place, anything and everything you could think of. You made her go to different coffeeshops, change her routine, you drove her into work. Anything you could think of.

"(Y/N), I need you to put the gun down and step away from him. Now." Hotch's voice is clear, unwavering.

You shake your head. No. You weren't going to risk her like that. If they wanted you to move, they'd have to shoot you. "I won't give you the codes to save her," The unsub taunts in your ear. "You know I'm not playing around here, (Y/N), use your brain."

"Hotch, I'm not risking it."

"(Y/N), we've profiled this guy," Morgan said, "We know he's not the type to do something like this."

"I'm not risking her, Morgan!" You snap, your eyes flicking to Morgan for a moment before turning back to the ground of men in front of you. Your finger moved a centimetre closer to the trigger as the man at the front twitched.

"Don't be stupid," Rossi chimed.

"Remember what the letter said, Agent," The Unsub mocks quietly, "You have to kill them for her to live."

You close your eyes, trying to calm yourself down. You didn't want to be here. You wanted to be at the office, making sure Penelope was as far away from her Bat Cave as possible.

When you open your eyes, the leader of the gang shifts forward slightly. You're struggling to think, hearing the team ordering you to drop the gun, the unsub whispering to kill him or let your sister be killed. Its all too much and your finger inches closer to the trigger.

Hotch makes a decision, he aims for your arm and shoots. The moment you stumble to the side from impact, the gang leader has shot the unsub. He's now on the floor next to you, blood soaking through your clothes. Your hand covering the wound you ignore the pain and scramble up.

"No, no, no, no, no," You mutter, watching as he stops breathing. "Oh god..." You look up, meeting eyes with the man that shot him. "You got her killed. You got her fucking killed!" You're stumbling forward, unaware of your actions, and Morgan's head pops into view. It takes a moment to realise he's stopping you from getting to the man, when it does, you struggle. Unfortunately, you are no match for Derek Morgan when it comes to strength and he easily pushes you back and out of the room.

Half an hour later, you're stitched up and are all heading back to the office, you know you're going to get a minimum of 3 hours of lectures but you can't bring yourself to care. Your only thoughts on Penelope.

You get there as the bomb team arrive (which you find weird because surely they should arrive faster if its an FBI building?), but you don't question it. Instead, you convince your way into the office, to make sure everything is okay. Everything has to be okay. Penelope was okay, you knew that much. You had made Derek stay with her. She'd be okay with Derek with her.

Half an hour later, you breathed a sigh of relief, they had stopped the clock. It was disarmed. You let your shoulders relax, making your way out of the room to let the team know. Hearing a click, you furrowed your eyebrows, turning around, before everything went black.

[trigunsbbygirl]

If you’re open for requests could I get a part 2 to Nai being isekaid onto Earth? Maybe when he starts to adapt and get used to the concept? Thank you and feel free to ignore if your requests are closed!

I've seen so many drawings of Knives working fast food on twt and its so fucking funny I love it so much. he would evaporate if he worked in my city during tourist season. but anyways, always down to talk about reverse isekai. hope you enjoy it!!

•it doesn't take long for Knives to get used to how things work on Earth. in fact, he finds a few similarities on Earth and Gunsmoke: you go to school, graduate, get a job, pay bills, buy groceries and so on.

•it's the way the corporate world, government and social media works that he has a bit of a harder time understanding? Knives gets it, he understands the concept and how greed consumes but he's still baffled by it all.

•I won't get into much politics or the saddening things that are happening around the world, but every once in a while, when watching the news, Knives will turn to you and just say 'I am considering returning to my old ways.' and you just hum in agreement.

•he also has a hard time adjusting to being around so many people almost all the time now. even though he stays inside your home most of the time he can still hear people talking, cars driving by and airplanes. it takes him a while to get used to all the noise.

•Knives only really goes shopping with you out of curiosity. he wants to see all the things that are on Earth even if he says he doesn't care. (overtime he starts going with you to make sure you're safe and that he can protect you.)

•I think he'd quite like farmers markets though. it may be busy but he can push through it for the fresh food.

•this man has zero online presence. the only account he would ever have is a youtube account if you and Vash (mainly Vash) managed to convince him to make one to post his music. other than that, he refuses to make accounts for Twitter or Instagram. he sees no point in it.

•Knives doesn't use a diary, but he does write what he did that day on the calendar app. his notes are very blunt too, 'went to zoo. interesting animals.' 'went grocery shopping. boring.' 'celebrated their birthday.. was fun.'

•he also doesn't text much and when he does the messages are short and straight to the point. "what do you want for dinner?" "when are you coming back home?" "we are out of x, pick some up on your way home." and he leaves you on read a lot too.

•also uses proper punctuation and dots the ends of his sentences. he rarely uses abbreviations and slang. the first time Knives used lol you acted like it was the biggest thing ever and he just replied 'stop freaking out.' then promptly left you on read.

•now let's say Knives somehow gets an ID, ssn and all that stuff. like the universe said go help pay bills and gifted him those stuff or smth.

•I've been seeing Twitter talk about Knives working at McDonald's in a modern au and yeah that's funny, but this is a reverse isekai and Knives is still dealing with his kill all humans mentality. if he worked customer service or at a restaurant he may genuinely say fuck the military consequences and consider mass genocide after one too many bad encounters. plus Knives would just be like 'why would I serve an inferior being?'

•but I could see him working at a small local book store or library. it's quiet, not too busy and Knives gets to easily learn about new books or books he may never have ended up hearing about. not much really happens, but one day more people than usual come in to buy a certain book. Knives mentions it to you and you have to explain how a Trigun fan account recommended 'This is How You Lose the Time War.' he has to take a second to take the information in.(I'm so sorry I just had to add this in nsvsjwhks- iykyk-)

•he still has a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that people enjoy Trigun. Knives tries not to think about it a lot, it weirds him out. the fact that a lot of people know about his past, trauma, and apparently, future makes him feel a little queasy and gross. he knows there's nothing he could've done and though no one knows he's actually there, it's still really invasive to him.

•anyways, if Knives learned how to drive, he would be very responsible. the only time he'd break any laws is speeding 10 mph above the speed limit on the highway, but everyone does that so he just joined in.

•whenever someone near him is driving like an asshole he sits there with a death glare. he's there thinking, 'I could ruin your car with my blades. I won't, but I could.' (he wishes he could but he knows many cars have a dashcam and that would cause bigger problems than just legal ones.)

•if it weren't for him living at your place, Knives would have little to no decorations in his home. maybe a few plants and coasters on the tables and books that he likes on a bookshelf, but that's kinda it. he might frame some of his paintings and hang them up. (I can see him with hanging vine plants)

•he gets into gardening a little, maybe hydroponics. Knives doesn't really want a big garden, but he'd like to grow a few vegetables and herbs.

•Knives still doesn't sleep, but over time he will join you for bed and cuddle you as you fall asleep. though after a while, Knives will get out of bed to do his own things. it takes a while for him to get into the idea of just sleeping, but he starts to indulge himself as he realizes how comforting it is to lay with you and rest.

•he starts to surprise you with romantic dinners, like he'll have candles lit up, a slow melody playing in the background. afterwards Knives will draw a bath for you and if you want him to, he'd gladly join you. either way, he's helping you wash up, telling you to just rest after the day you've had. it's the least he could since he can't work.

•overall he does end up adjusting quite well, it just takes him a long time to accept that he does have to live among humans and that the goal he's been working towards for years is practically undoable now. and it takes even longer to start indulging himself in other hobbies and his emotions that start to grow. (although I think his view on humans won't exactly change. but he acknowledges that there are people who are fighting for the greater good.)

[yellowhollyhock]

tmnt memory mashup part 3

premise: instead of being different dimensions, the various iterations of tmnt reflect the different ways certain characters remember things. part 1 was rise donnie 03 leo 87 mikey mirage raph. part 2 was 07 leo 12 mikey rise raph 03 donnie.

part 3: 12 Leo, 90s movies Donnie, 87 Raph, 03 Mikey, rise Splinter, 07 April

Casey, as always, has embraced the chaos of everyone telling him such different stories about what's what and literally making stuff up. Absolutely everything is on the table for him to reference

Leo: Raph's got... a bit of a temper

Casey: No way, he's a total teddy bear

Donnie: No it's true, sometimes it's best to just give him his space.

Leo: Mikey really pushes his buttons.

Donnie: Huh? You push his buttons.

Leo: What?!

Meanwhile in the other room coloring

Raphael: Sounds like Donnie and Leo are arguing again.

Mikey: That's so weird, they never argue.

Raphael: Is that wishful thinking or pizza-colored glasses?

Mikey: Ooh, what kind of pizza?

Raphael: Pepperoni and maple syrup

Mikey: With anchovies?

Raphael: If you must

Mikey: What were we talking about?

Raphael: No idea

Leo: I'm gonna be really vulnerable with you guys--I'm totally embarrassed about the whole thing with Karai. I ended up being kind of right but also kind of very wrong and I should've listened to you guys sooner instead of going off on my own.

Mikey: It's okay, I mean it worked out. I'm just glad you didn't join Shredder, lol

Raphael: Don't tell me, is this another one of those body-swapping things?

Donnie: Who's Karai? Wait, body-swapping?

April: What was that about joining Shredder?

Karai: I hate all of you. Pass the salt.

April: You guys were so lost without Leo. As someone who cares about you, it was hard to watch. I tried to talk him into coming back.

Leo: I mean, I was in a coma.

Mikey: It was a little rough, but I think we were fine. We knew he needed the time. Although, Karai did almost kill us.

Raphael: I, for one, never want Donatello to be in charge again.

Donnie: I was in charge?

Casey: Oh yeah, you were a total stickler about Splinter's diet.

Donnie: Whoa... hey that's kind of funny, I remember Raph being in a coma, but I never even noticed Leo was gone! haha

Leo: ... Hey Karai are you up for killing them this week?

Karai: I've been waiting for you to ask

Raphael: I wish the writers would come up with better jokes

Leo: *blink blink*

Raphael: I mean, the things you have to say to an audience--must be stressful being the leader.

Leo: *head tilt*

Raphael: Your. Lines. Are. Corny. And speaking of corny, do you maybe need your ears checked?

Leo: *shrug, head scratch*

Donnie from the other room: Bossa nova!

Mikey: I think you mean cowabunga!

Raphael: Well I guess it could be worse.

Leo: Oh, you mean the Space Heroes writers?

Raphael: *blink blink*

Mikey: You guys were always so reckless.

Raphael: It's true.

Mikey: The amount of times I had to explain to you that monsters are dangerous--

Raphael: A ridiculous number of times.

Mikey: And we should go away from and not toward them--

Raphael: Running away is always a viable solution.

Donnie: Well I'm sorry that I don't want to stay in the sixteenth century! It wasn't all about coming back to fight bad guys, you know. There were bad guys there too, you guys just have terrible memories.

Mikey: That is true because I do not remember that. I do remember the dinosaurs, though, Donnie

Leo: Hey, everyone chill out. If we hadn't time traveled, we wouldn't exist.

Raphael and Mikey:

Casey: It's true, you had to circle back, find the key and stop the Krang so they wouldn't terraform the earth. Donnie almost died when he had to double cross Shredder and got his shell ripped off.

Everyone:

Karai: You guys never invite me to the cool stuff. I'm disowning all of you.

[cardiac-arresting-sweetheart]

Hey 🔥🔥

stray cat, hissing, claws, whiskers, catnip

also hi i miss you (gonna read more of the book of bill later!)

HAIIIIIIIII ^_^ YIPPEEEEEEEEEE

original post

answering for 💐 and ☀️ ^_^ (because idk bow emoji well enough to answer these yet to be honest GHHHH it's not personalT_T)

stray cat ♡ how do you feel when your darling interacts with others? do you try to isolate them?

💐 : i don't think about it much tbh.. probably because i don't see it. She's in my head. lmfao. so ? it's hard to answer. i can imagine how i'd feel though... i honestly don't think i'd get very jealous. i don't really get that jealous with Her... i am a bit possessive, yeah, but i don't think about it too much. maybe if She were with me in person or even as an online friend.. i'd probably be more possessive and want to isolate Her.

☀️: can i choose not to answer ? /silly IDK LIKEEEEEE i get jealous so easily it's embarrrassing... i don't wanna talk about it... /silly . i wouldn't ever want to isolate them because 1. would feel too bad 2. would not be the best option for xem at all!!!!!! so no to that.

hissing ♡ are you jealous or possessive when it comes to your darling? if so, what makes you jealous or possessive?

💐 : eee i kinda answered this in the last question but ya a bit..? i'm not very jealous but more possessive. i want Her to only need me. and no one else ^_^ but i feel pretty confident in the fact that She only wants me, i guess. the thought of Her being with someone does make me homicidal though. teehee

☀️: UNFORTUNATELYYYY T_T SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME THE EVIL THOUGHTS!!!! lmfaooo okay. Yeah i do it's pretty bad. it's not as bad as it has been with other darlings but gawd it's annoying. like get out of my head thoughts PLEAAAAAAAASE okay i'll stop

claws ♡ how do you react to any obstacles between you and your darling? what about if they cheated on you or broke a promise?

obstacles: i just. manifest them away ^_^ that's always what i try to do. or try to communicate my way through them but sometimes that doesn't... work... or i decide that that's too direct, i guess? like... sometimes i'd rather deal with it indirectly because i worry about the outcome. not really in an anxious way it just feels like i'm being cautious.

cheated or broke a promise:

💐 : IF SHE CHEATED I WOULD LITERALLY FUCKING KILL HER. deep breaths. okay. ^_^ teehee. i would probably scream at Her for several hours and undergo The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Split in Human History (/ref) and idk if i could ever even get over that my god . but breaking a promise i usually dont really fucking care anymore because She's such a liar (it feels very funny to capitalize Her pronouns as i'm doing this because i'm full on slandering her rn LMFAOOO) lollllllllll ^_^ oh well.

☀️: um explode? I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE THAT HAPPENING i think that would cause me to die instantly idk man. I CANT EVEN IMAGINE IT?!?!!? idk!!!!!

whiskers ♡ how close are you with your darling?

💐 : Merged Souls. all i need to say. Ok let me actually explain more LMFAO. i feel like She's the one i'm closest to in all of my relationships out of everyone i've ever known. it's hard to explain. like i know Her so well and feel so weirdly comfortable with her. like She knows everything about me.. so it's hard not to feel close with Her lol

☀️: i dunno >_< i feel like we're pretty close but we could be closer. i haven't known xem for that long either soooo i dunno! just gotta give it some more time i imagine. i can be patient if i need to be... :3

catnip ♡ what are your favorite things about your darling?

... i will take this as an excuse to enter my weird poetic descriptions.

💐: i choked on Love and felt it bubble up until it engulfed me, leaving me empty from nothing but Her. i could not even see the sky, i could not reach out with my hands. yet Love was the womb - yet its warm was of viscera and blood and ugly insides. i found Her everywhere around me even as i began to regain consciousness: in the walls in the floorboards in the air. i choked on Love again but coughed it out. it stained my hands for the rest of time.

i woke up again and didn't know i had fallen asleep. i felt Her energy envelop me, and i couldn't call it warmth nor cold - simply a blazing fire, entirely its own. entirely Hers. i suffocated myself in the smoke, let Her take my life. it always had belonged to Her anyway.

☀️: it's always the sun; after years of drowning myself in the moonlight, hiding away in the day, i forgot how the light felt on my skin. like a cat, i sunbathed - basking in the radiance. i reached out and felt warmth reach back to me, cradling me as if a delicate newborn kitten. at that moment i was so close to shatter, yet i remained.

and in every phase of the sun, it maintains its own sort of beauty. i could never put my finger on it, but as i lift my head and stare back, i find it. simple as ever. oneself entirely.

^ this all makes sense to me and answers the question. Somehow. did get a little bit sidetracked however HAAH

I MISSED YOU TOO!!! (i say as we are talking live in action) ^_^ hope u have fun yippee

[infatuatedheloise]

ok forgive me for my less active posting, finals are next week and dead week is absolutely killing me this semester 😭

anyway! I said I'd talk about this later and then never said anything lol so here I am

on my close friends insta story, I talked about past experiences with older men trying to go after me and mentioned a classmate I had last semester who was 48 and just generally kinda weird

I went to abelard's office the next day basically to say thank you for dealing with my anxiety the other day about my outfit and I said "I know I probably crossed a couple lines.." and he shook his head and said it was fine, then said "it was incredible...you say things that--you can be so quiet, but then you say things about things that might be weird and I don't think I could do that" which he's told me something similar before but it was interesting to hear it again

anyway, then he was like, "I'll ask something that is maybe inappropriate" (I was like😲😲😲 🤨🤨🤨 what is he gonna ask??) he lowered his voice and asked "who is this guy that-" (asking about the classmate I had mentioned)

I explained that he def didn't know him, and then I explained the whole story/my experiences with this guy (don't really wanna retell that here rn) and abelard was grimacing and cringing at all the stuff that this guy did. I finished talking and he said "at least it's good fodder for a story" and when I didn't really react he said "is that inappropriate to say?" I said no it was fine to joke about it lol

Since we were on the topic, I told him about my experiences with a coworker I once had and again abelard was totally disgusted by the stuff this guy did/said.

Then he said, "Well, I'm glad you never had any experiences with our colleague" I asked who he meant and when he told me I said "oh..hm, yeah" which obviously made him curious so I explained that this other professor had given me weird vibes, I caught him staring at my chest a lot, and he once said something to me about my face/appearance when I didn't wear a mask to class, so nothing serious but I just had a feeling. I said, "it's really good to know that [he has a history of being gross with students] though"

I also told him a joke that I like to make after these experiences with the coworker and classmate: "my ability to pull middle aged men is insane" and he laughed so hard at that like threw back his head laughing hahaha, then I told him the joke like "i thought 39 [coworker's age] was bad, god said try 48 [clasmate's age]" which he also thought was funny.

he said "But we're in the clear now?" I said "yeah, no middle aged men trying to go after me" then he said, "yeah, any 50 year olds-" and stopped himself to ask, "Is that ok to say?" because not only was he joking about me being harassed by older men, but also joking about the progressing age gaps LOL I thought it was so funny

Also I was a little embarrassed during this whole convo because 1. I have a crush on him 2. he is an older, middle aged man and here I was talking about older, middle aged men harassing me 😭😭😭 he thought it was fine though and didn't mind talking about it

[resident-sean-expert]

How I wish Nandor's character had evolved :

you can obviously disagree with me lol

So I've had this post in mind for a while... I don't particularly like the trend Nandor has followed of being a "pathetic" character

Maybe I've had the wrong perception of the character all along, either way it's the writers of the show who are right, but I think they really missed an opportunity with Nandor

Let me explain :

When I started watching wwdits in 2019, my favorite character was Nandor, yeah Nandor. I didn't give a shit about the Rinaldi at that time.

I was a fan of Nandermo and really enjoyed the relationship between Nandor and Guillermo

But I think Nandor in the last two seasons has become "too" pathetic, I feel like fans love it, to see a seemingly imposing and terrifying man act like a princess in distress (like Ed in Ofmd) but I think it's really taken the charm out of Nandor

I loved Nandor because he's emotionally constipated, he's a fucking dense brick, he still had that fierce "ancient Ottoman warrior" aura, he still had dignity.

Or at least he was trying to maintain this statue

But rn I find Nandor's evolution just weird, he's still not in phase with his emotions, but now it's just embarrassing to watch how he's going out of his way for Guillermo

You're going to say, "Yes, but Guillermo deserves it after being treated like shit for over 10 years."

True. But Nandor can very well be SUBTLE in this case.

The beauty of Nandor is that he was subtle about his feelings towards Guillermo, they were simple delicate gestures that spoke for themselves (The glitter portrait, for example)

That's why I loved seeing Nandor, in season 4, covering Guillermo with his jacket, gently patting his head after :

Because Guillermo was asleep !

Nandor showed his emotions at a time when he knew he wouldn't look vulnerable in front of Guillermo, an act of love.

In opposition, I hated the scene where he pretends to get fucked on the piano - I thought it was ridiculous and awkward

I think I have this opinion of Nandor probably because I had an emotionally constipated Arab father, and I think it would have been interesting to have saved that vibe for Nandor lol

(btw I know Nandor is Persian and not Arab, and I know it's not the same ofc, but I'm referring to this in terms of the similarity of cultures)

I like the idea of : "A former warrior, who lived a hard upbringing, who is a "man" then who is not supposed to "show his emotions" and so do so only with simple gestures"

Now I just get the impression that Nandor is an overexcited high-schooler with a crush

I probably regret the fact that Nandor is indeed no longer a fierce warrior, but the remnants of the man he once was

But I think it's sad that he's just become a "poor little meow meow"

Yes he still treats Guillermo like crap, but it's not even funny in the end

I don't know if this post has any interest, I just wanted to share my emotions somewhere; I just miss how subtle Nandor was in the first seasons, that was what made the character beautiful for me, but now I feel he's become a caricature of himself

[prettyprincessofchi]

Meeting an Icon: Me

Well, I see you must be interested in my site because you clicked on it. And yes, on this blog, we talk about everything, from the latest boy toy I've wrapped around my fingers and showing you how you can do the same, to making the perfect late-night pasta to pair with the perfect wine. Of course, you would be interested in the person behind the screen, and I'm going to be upfront with you. I am going to be using an alias for personal reasons, darling. I hope you can understand. But I will say this, bad bitches recognize bad bitches. So if you see a platinum blonde curvaceous woman who walks with such confidence and doesn't give a damn about what others think, you've found me, and I would gladly acknowledge who I am. And I will be showing you how to become the same as well. Of course, I wasn't always as amazing as I am today. It took hard work, and it's going to take more work to be better.

Now that I've gotten most of the boring stuff out of the way, let me tell you a bit more about myself. I'm a lively young woman, 24 years of age to be exact. I live in the beautiful River North of Chicago. My occupation is a cosmetologist, nail tech, and hairstylist. By the way, I have my own beautiful shop downtown on the lakefront. My favorite color is purple, I love a good martini, and I have a very complicated relationship with men. But my relationship with shopping couldn't be better. You see, men can destroy your life, drain you, and just be plain, let's be honest here, shitty. But what's an afternoon at Oakbrook Mall, stocking up on some charms for my Pandora set (I need the HOTD charm like yesterday), or maybe even getting a replacement face mask from Lush, and I have to just go and see what's new at Victoria's Secret.

And no, I'm definitely not some mean lonely bitch with no friends. I have a couple. I have my best friend since the 5th grade who lives in Michigan, Arielle. Our birthdays are only five days apart, and between the both of us, she's the angel, I'm the one you don't want to mess with. Despite both of us being Libras, we're two sides of the same coin. Then there's my friend Diane, the youngest of her sisters, with makeup skills like a pro. I've known her since I was a sophomore, and trust me, we both have had quite the dating history. Then there's Andrea. She's technically the weird girl with the fat ass. And before anyone says anything, yes, I used to be the four-eyed freak who loved anime and never spoke, but she and I have both turned into sexy women with quite the sexual adventures. She's the one I can talk about Dragon Ball Z and how many idiots let us hit on the first try. And lastly, there's my friend Nina. She's the strong one of the bunch; she always has her head on straight and can spot bullshit from miles away.

Now for the last part of our segment today, getting to know my family. My parents have since divorced since I was about 7. I have an older sister and brother on my dad's side of the family, and about four younger sisters on my mom's side. I technically have never met my brother, so I really only count myself having sisters. They've always been there for me, even my 7-year-old sister; you'd be surprised, lol. But I do have a very big family that lives here, in China, the Philippines, and even West Africa. So yeah, you could say I'm pretty well connected, haha, which explains why a lot of dudes are intimidated by me. Not just because I'm a strong woman, because that's what my family is full of: strong women. That explains why all the men in my family are actual men, and why I don't tolerate any little boys (unless...).

Don't worry, this isn't going to be the last you've heard from me. I'll be back with some stories, as well as any tips and tricks I find online that I can share with you guys. And trust me, I would love to hear from you as well! Don't be shy to shoot me an email or send a message, I will also be doing anonymous q&as as well. Trust me, it's going to be a wild ride, babes. Hopefully, you'll stay, or don't - I'm not telling you what the hell to do.

Stay sexy, Aerea A.

[torialefay]

Hi Tori 💗

I found your blog a whiles back through your "Stray Kids as Doctors" post, and I love everything you make! I've read almost everything at least once (and re-read some things as well). I'm a student in pre-med, so I knew I had to follow you as soon as I saw that first post. It made my heart rate speed up a bit with happiness 💗

This may sound weird, so feel free to reject me (lol I promise I don't mind!), but would it be okay with you if I sent you a message to ask some questions about medical school and the application process? Again, no pressure. It would just be nice to hear from someone who is in psychiatry too (that also seems like a normal person haha). It gets confusing very easily, but I know I don't have to explain that to you lol.

Follow-up question: Do you ever mentally diagnose SKZ in your head? Sometimes I do, and I feel bad for doing it... But I can't help it. I have some theories 🫣 I guess we will never know though, which is good. 💗

hello sweetheart!!! first of all, that is so so so kind for you to say & thank you SO much for reading my silly lil posts. you absolutely no clue how much that means to me 🥹

feel free to message me ANY time. trust me, i know how hard it is to find people to talk to. it seems like everyone is hella busy (or just doesnt have time for our asses) so i promise anything you need, don't hesitate to send me a lil DM hehe 🤭 just make sure to send through DM instead of on my inbox here <3

okay SO, mentally diagnosing people in your head can definitelyyyyy get you into some trouble, especially in psych cases... so i very much try not to 😭 obviously in some people though, it's just so apparent that other people pick it up too and then it's like... okay yeah this is just how it is 😂

but as far as "diagnosing" physical and not mental-health related things, absolutely. i'm sitting here listening to chris talking ab all his struggles, meanwhile in my head being like: "oh okay so he definitely has this disorder and has just never been diagnosed." lol but it's just second nature. i'm sitting here like... he is the textbook case, how does he not know he has this?!?! idk idk i dont think it's really fair to talk ab undiagnosed health conditions though for random people on the internet, so maybe if you want, we can talk ab it through DM 😭😂

okay i got super carried away, but back to the point: yay i'm so glad you're here & yes pls message me any time!!! ❤️

[grapecaseschoices]

Hey!! So...aah, author of Neon//Byte here. I'm coming here because back when I was posting you were like, the nicest person ever about my WIP and I always remembered you. I feel like I wanna explain some things I guess??? Sorry if this is super weird I just saw your post recently about N//B.

So basically...I got run off Tumblr pretty hard last year. Like almost literal pitchforks and torches LOL. I was super new back on the internet after a long stint of not even having a Facebook (big social anxiety issues). So when I used AI art to generate pics of my characters I didn't realise that AI was considered super shitty. I'd already posted all my character intros when I started getting floods of anonymous messages that were just reallyyyyyy fucking mean. And I guess I have thin skin from not being used to social media so it got to me bad.

I didn't know what to do because I'd already made the posts and people had reblogged so I just kinda dipped in a panic. I was ALWAYS planning on saving money up to find an artist to draw the characters but after that I couldn't even look at my WIP for months tbh. I'd pretty much given up on it.

But now...idk it's still really stuck in my head and it's something I wanna do so bad! I've had some new ideas over the months so it's not exactly the same but yeah...it's coming back??? Slowly because I don't wanna throw myself back into it and get overwhelmed but ohmygod you were always so nice and supportive and it's not an exaggeration to say your post last week made me feel like I could maybe do this again.

So yeah!! Thank you...SO MUCH. And I'll be making a Tumblr again in the next couple weeks hopefully so eeee, things are happening again<3

i thought eating breakfast would make me know what to say but i am still just !!!!!!!!!! about this four hours after first seeing this.

i had heard about what happened and i kind of also figured too. i am sorry people did that to you. some people just love being angry. i get the A.I. situation is complicated but not everyone understands [heck, I'VE been on the internet for a minute and I still don't fully know how to feel about it in certain respects]. but i am so glad it didn't permanently crush your spirit/didn't do lasting damage [i'm assuming! and not at all judging if it did. because internet bullying is no joke. it takes such another level of viciousness. and social anxiety is a difficult rock to push uphill.]

selfishly, i'm really fucking excited that it's coming back. but as a fellow creator of ocs, i know the feeling of losing something you were so passionate about/not being able to see it through STINKS so i am glad the vibes and inspiration have returned!!!

but please do not push yourself. as much as i loved seeing your thoughts behind the process, i'd be fine if you decided to just drop the end result and be like 'peace bitches' or whatever is most comfortable for you!

and thank you for reaching out because this really and truly brightened my morning. i cant stop smiling when i think of this message!

[pielplastica]

I'm glad your day went well. I'm also happy that you have co-workers willing to help you and support you whenever you need it, they sound like a good team. And man I wanted the cloudy day to last a lot more! I just had like 2 hours of anatomy and then decided to call mom to let her know, I called Pau and then her. I was feeling bittersweet but I guess I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

I usually listen the playlist you made while doing homework, but since I have a homework-free weekend, today I took a nap as soon as I finished writing the last letter and woke up around... 4 PM? And I had the 3rd song playing in my head on and on, and that's weird because I usually don't listen to that band but that song's actually kind of good, that and the second one. I know AM was like... our band? I don't know, I guess I just listened to them like A LOT back in our university so I just attached them to you. And I know why it all starts with "suck it and see" but, why piledriver waltz? I always felt that you'd like Hiding Tonight or even Glass in the park so, why Piledriver Waltz?

I didn't knew that about your brother! Is he open about it in your family? I do hope that they can get along and get to know each other better, I know your brother's a good person and for sure he'll be good to him but... yeah, I don't know, I guess my big brother senses are always on. And speaking of, we're still not talking to each other much. Monday he gave a bubblegum when he heard that I volunteered myself three times so that my classmates could practice on taking blood samples. He almost made me cry. He also has a girlfriend, I believe I must have mentioned her a little. She's a good kid. Kind, shy (VERY SHY) and the quiet type, it seems he does all the talking whenever ordering fast food and that actually surprises me lol. Yesterday I practiced piano a little bit in his room (he spent the night at her house) because I've been feeling a lot of stress lately and since I don't have a guitar right now I thought that maybe playing his piano for an hour or two would help me, and it did! I was learning The Avatar's Love and the Prelude of FF VII BUT I FORGOT TO TAKE MY HEADPHONES WITH ME OUT OF HIS ROOM AND TODAY WHEN HE CAME BACK HE HANDED THEM TO MOM. I was caught in the act but he didn't seemed to care that much tbh so yeah, all's good.

Now, music. I feel that your playlist is a little more direct than mine? At least with the wording, and I knew that you would be asking why I put on those songs in there, maybe because they don't seem like a "love" song but, bear with me a little.

I see Heaven's on fire like a "please, don't" kind of song. As if telling you, "when I look at you, I feel at my weakest. When I look at you, I forget about my ideals. When I look at you, heaven's on fire" because... I see Heaven as my mind, and I know that if I were to see you, a lot of repressed emotions would come out, and that's what I've been learning to deal with. For me to see you and not setting my heaven on fire. Now, the rest of the lyrics. I know it says "I'm a little like you, ugly on the inside" but I don't mean it in THAT way... We know that what we're doing is wrong, and we have to put an end to this. But... I feel glad that you felt the same as me in a way all these years... Well, not really "glad" but relieved because now I don't feel as alone as I did back then. So, I'm a little like you. "In constantly moving against the tide". Do I have to explain myself? I wrote you back then even though you have already made your own life, even though it seemed to everyone that you've already moved on, even though it was wrong. I was constantly moving against the tide. "But while I dive into the gritty, you just stand by" and you had every right to do so. I was trying so hard for you to stay back when I first wrote you, and it seemed to me that you didn't cared at all. I was diving into gathering all the courage that I had to beg for you to stay, and it seemed to me that you were just standing, reading without writing anything, and now I know you had every right to do so. I no longer feel bad about it, and I know it must've been hard for you too, so, I'm sorry if I didn't made it any less easier. I guess that sums it all up.

Now, the bug collector. First and foremost, I love bugs with my life. I like them in all types and shapes. I guess I didn't spoke too much about it back then, but I always try to grab "harmful" insects and take them to a place where they can continue with their life peacefully away from us humans that don't understand the importance of their lives. I see this song as a "I'm here to reassure you that everything's going to be ok". This song can have a lot of different interpretations, but I see it as a very, very, very deep devotion that a person can have to another. I see it as if the other person may see things in an "anxious way" like, "omg, this is going to go so wrong. I can't do this because of this reason. I won't be able to do it because of that". Like in the book metamorphosis, we can understand in a way that it doesn't necessarily mean that he turned into a cockroach but he felt that way because of how everyone else treated him, and so whenever this song goes "there's a centipede naked in your bedroom", "there's a praying mantis prancing in your bathtub", "there's a millipede angry on your carpet", it may be that there's actually bugs there, but maybe they're an interpretation of the other person's own insecurities and the singer willingness to do whatever it takes to calm them down, "i try my best to scoop the slugger out the window", "try my best to put the priest inside a jam jar", "i try my best to prove that nothing's out to get you". I will try my best to solve your insecurities, your problems, I will do whatever it takes so that I can help you feel better, safe and secure here. "and I digress 'cause i must make you the perfect morning". Deep devotion for the other person. And seeing it through a more simple way: I love bugs, and always try to take them out of my home and put them outside, but I have two doggies that I have to but before me, and them, so if I see a spider and I know that it's dangerous, I'll kill it, even though I know that I could simply take it outside but, what will happen if my doggies step on it or if the spider bites them? Sometimes love is about doing what is right for the ones you love, even if it means that you'll have to hurt someone else. And that's the same with you. I love bugs, but I would always put you before them. I would've always put you before anyone else. Would've.

Treasure planet might be my favorite animated movie ever, because it holds such a place in my heart. I would always watch it when I was a kid, like every night, and mom would watch it with me. There's this scene where "sigo aquí" is playing and it shows that Jim's dad left, and I cry so hard whenever that scene is played, we saw it last week and she hugged me because she knows how close to home it hits me, but I no longer cry for my dad for I had a wonderful father, my grandfather. He will always be the man I inspire to be (have I ever told you about him? I think mom and I did right?). I cry for mom. Because I know it must've been hard for her to take care of me on her own. Yes, she had her brother and sisters but it took her like a year and a half to meet my stepdad and I recall that time of our lives to be kind of rough. I cry for her and all of the pain she had to bear whilst her kid was crying for his dad every night, making her feel not good enough. I'm sorry mom. I'll hug her first thing tomorrow morning.

Oh dang, I just saw that I've been writing for more than an hour. I'm such a slow writer lol. So yeah, thank you for your words and I'll try to score higher next time.