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valhallanrose · 4 years ago

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Show Your Fangs

After years of feeling aimless, Astoria finds an unexpected avenue to reassert control.

You can find the rest of the Cursetaker arc of Astoria’s story here.

3.9k words. CW for attempted manipulation.

Title: Show Your Fangs by The Crane Wives

On the eve of their twentieth birthday, Astoria found themself climbing into the rigging of the Moorish Lady, thighs locked firmly around the rope and hair ripping free of its haphazard bun to dance in the breeze that made the sails grow full. The sky was starry overhead, the moon broad and full, and not a cloud blocked their light as they were guided back to Rosinmoor.

At this vantage, they could see the peaks of Castle Kintyre, the colors of the stained glass windows melting together into hues of rose and gold from the distance they were at now. Idly, they wondered if their family was waiting in the great hall to meet them before they sat down for dinner.

Castle Kintyre had seemed so big the first time they left. And rationally, they knew that was simple perception - of course it would have seemed literally bigger when they themself had been smaller in stature, but it was somewhat amusing all the same. The Whitethorn Citadel was perhaps the same size, if they had to hazard a guess, but...this had been their world, once. A life behind stone walls, in rolling fields and on rocky cliffs, on stone beaches and crystal lakes - a life that had once seemed utterly satisfying was as peaceful as it was positively boring.

Funny to think how big the world had gotten when they had the opportunity to see it all.

“...toria!”

They were pulled from their musing when a voice, somewhat swept away by the wind, managed to reach their ears. Astoria shifted their grip on the rope, looking down at the deck to see their grandmother standing far below with a somewhat amused look on her face.

“Are you really going to make me climb up there?” Myrna called playfully, tapping her cane on the deck a few times. “I’d love to, but I’ve only got one good knee, and I’d like to keep it that way for at least another ten years.”

Astoria cracked a smile, carefully unwinding the rope that had been wrapped around their right leg and letting out a small gasp as they dropped down faster than they’d anticipated.

With a huff and a gloved hand raked through their hair, they began the descent down, sliding slowly as to keep control, until they were perhaps three feet off the ground and could simply let go and let their boots thump firmly on the deck in front of Myrna.

“Time to go?”

“Soon, dear.” Myrna sighed, offering her arm to Astoria, to which they set their hand in the crook of her arm and frowned as they fell into step beside her.

“Why do I have a feeling I won’t like where this is going, granny?”

Myrna leaned against the side of the ship, smoothing silver curls behind her ear as she gazed out over the Strait of Seals. Neither of them paid mind to the crew, who began to prep the ship for it to pull into the inlet at the base of the Cliffs of Balgaire, knowing that they both would be more likely to be in the way than helpful on a journey at night and respectfully staying out of their way.

“You know I’ve been writing Malvina.” She began, and Astoria nodded, folding her arms across their chest and tilting their head back to look up at the sky.

Despite no longer being clan head, Malvina was well involved in the background of Canonach affairs - Astoria remembered clearly the days that the matriarch had joked that she had her nose so tied to clan affairs she’d be buried with it poking out of the ground to sniff out gossip.

With Astoria’s permission, Myrna had written to her not long after their enrollment at the Citadel, detailing as much as she could to explain what had happened in the weeks prior to keep someone in the family in the loop. And for all Malvina loved gossip, a secret laid with her would be locked up as tight as a vault should you ask to keep it that way. Not even her wife, Lorraine, would be privy to such a request - an agreement that Lorraine knew at least meant something was serious.

“I do. She’s written to me a few times - sent me new gloves for my birthday.” Astoria wiggled their fingers subconsciously, the leather of the gloves in question already molded to their hands like a second skin. “Is she alright?”

Myrna chuckled, Astoria catching her nod out of her peripheral. “Oh, she’s fine. Lorraine caught a nasty fever a few weeks ago, but they’re both right as rain. But...Malvina’s kept things quiet, as you asked. I wanted to ask you if you plan to tell the family while you’re home, or if we should continue to keep this between us for the time being. Whatever your decision, I respect it, but I would like to walk in and be on the same page as you before we face the rest of them.”

Astoria was quiet for a long, long moment, closing their eyes and letting the calls of the crew fill the gap between them before they managed to muster up the words they wanted.

“I haven’t been home since I was fifteen, if I remember right. Before Bulan. I’d like at least one last week where I know things will be normal.” Slowly, Astoria reached up, gathering their hair in both hands and refastening their lazy knot at the nape of their neck - letting their hands fall to rest on the sides of their neck as they glanced back to Myrna.

“Those first days in Galbrada...I had to repeat myself so many times, tell my story so many times, be picked at and interrogated and smothered so many times. I love my family, but I have no doubt it will be a repeat of that all over again.”

Myrna nodded slowly, turning to rest her back against the railing and folding her hands over the silver-wrought handle of her cane. “I thought that might be the case. Still, I just wanted to be sure. You’ve got a knack for surprising me, my little rascal.”

Astoria laughed as Myrna threw an arm around their waist, dragging them into an embrace and smiling as they pressed their face to the crown of Myrna’s head and buried their nose in her curls.

They would remain like that until the Moorish Lady finally came to a stop at the shores, and together, they took the first steps onto dry land - the first steps on the soil of their home.

* * * * *

Coming back was...eventful.

By the time Myrna and Astoria had made it up to Castle Kintyre, the hour was late, and though the family had already eaten - Myrna and Astoria had been unsure when during the day they’d arrive exactly - they were happy to linger and chat while the visiting Canonachs raided the kitchens for leftovers.

Many of the youngest cousins had gone to bed by the time they’d arrived, as well as some of the more daytime inclined relatives (Myrna grumbled about her own twin being a wuss for going to bed before the clock struck twelve) who would likely receive word of their arrival by morning.

Astoria did not miss the gap left by Senga, or their step-father, James, both of whom had apparently been perfectly lively until the Moorish Lady was spotted by a scout, but they couldn’t find it in themself to care. Their mother had a habit of making herself scarce when Myrna came to visit. Their grandmother was the embodiment of ‘hell hath no fury’, and Astoria vividly remembered the thorough reaming her mother was given after the incident in the library all those years ago.

It’d been kept largely quiet among the family - only Myrna, Senga, Astoria, and Malvina knew the whole story - but gods if it didn’t make the holidays tense.

Still, Astoria felt light as they left the hall, filled with joy for seeing their family again and looking forward to the following morning - they’d already received many early birthday wishes - when they’d get to see the rest of them over a traditional Moorish breakfast. The day had been long, as had the journey, and they were looking forward to crashing in the comfort of their bed and letting sleep claim them.

The way to their bedroom was muscle memory no matter how long they’d been gone. Down the hall, to the left, shortcut through the lounge, nestled in the corner with two broad windows looking out over the grounds toward the Frozen Sea and the twinkling lights of Rosafearn in the distance. Absolutely the best room in the castle - it had been Astor’s, once, until he explicitly stated the only person who would take over the space would be Astoria. It’d long since been painted and redecorated, but the old armchair set by the window had been his and would remain there until it crumbled the next time Astoria put their ass in it.

They closed the bedroom door behind them with a tired sigh, reaching to undo the buttons of their blouse as they strode across the room -

Only for the light to click on unbidden and a voice greeted Astoria from across the room.

“Hello, Catriona.”

Astoria yelped, scrambling to clasp their shirt together as Senga leveled them with a cool stare that somehow made them feel more naked than they actually were.

“Bloody - hell are you sitting there in the dark like that for?” They breathed, trying to calm themself as Senga folded her hands neatly in her lap and held Astoria’s gaze.

Astoria always knew they had their father’s eyes - somewhere between blue and green, depending on who was looking - but Senga’s had always been like ice. Pale, pale blue, almost white, and absolutely unnerving when she looked at you like you were something to be gained.

Something in her eyes made Astoria think they were, to her, the greatest prize of all.

“This is my home, I have every right to be where I please. Is it so wrong that I wished to spend a few moments with my child?” She asked, smoothing the single silver curl she had behind her ear and uncrossing her legs.

“...no, I suppose not.” Astoria murmured, sitting cautiously on the edge of the bed nearest to her and buttoning their shirt back up as Senga leaned forward in her seat. “How are you, mother?”

“Peachy, darling, absolutely peachy.” She reached for a sheaf of paper on the coffee table, leafing through the pages idly as she spoke, cutting straight to the point when she looked back up and offered them to Astoria. “You know, I’m hurt you never wrote to me once while you were away. You wrote to Malcolm, for birthdays, and you wrote to your cousins a few times...and Malvina. Oh, you wrote so many times to Malvina, you and my mother. I’m counting, what, thirty letters since you went to Galbrada?”

Astoria’s heart dropped like a stone into their stomach as Senga tutted, throwing the papers back on the table when Astoria didn’t reach to take them. She rose from Astor’s armchair, skirts sweeping across the rugs until she had Astoria’s chin grasped tenderly between her fingers and forced them to meet her gaze.

“Why would you hide something like this from me, darling?” Senga crooned, tucking a bit of hair behind Astoria’s ear. “You know you can tell me anything. We don’t keep secrets from family, remember? Secrets lead to strife among us.”

Astoria tried to turn their head away, but Senga’s grip tightened on their jaw, even if her sickly sweet tone didn’t change.

“You could have come home to Rosinmoor so much sooner. The Argyllians have always had magic in their bloodline, they were more than capable of teaching you whatever you could have learned in the Republic. They would have taken you in, taught you the ways of the court...no matter. What’s done is done. We have much to catch you up on.”

Senga released their jaw suddenly, reaching to smooth out their collar and straighten their shirt as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“Do get some rest, darling. You’ll need it. I invited some friends of mine to visit tomorrow. They’ll begin teaching you the ways of the court, catch you up on the who’s who and the what’s what - several courtiers from different clans to bring you up to speed on each. It’ll be a process, surely, but you’re a quick study, otherwise I’ve no idea why you spent all this time with my mother. They’ll be here for about two weeks, so you’ll have to learn as much as you can before they go, and then your lessons will start to keep you on track.”

Astoria paused then, brows furrowing as Senga began to dig in their wardrobe to rifle through the clothing that was too stiff and formal for them to cart around while they were globetrotting.

“Mother, I’m only here until the end of the week.” They said, voice trembling slightly as Senga paused mid examination of a blouse with broad lace sleeves. “Granny and I have a dig to go to in the Fennekh Desert at the end of the month, I can’t stay much longer than that. I just wanted to see everyone while we had the time.”

The tension between them both was so thick you could have bitten it.

Astoria flinched when Senga took one step closer, then another, until she was right in front of them with that lacy blouse draped neatly over her arm.

“I know what you did in Galbrada.” She said softly, tilting her head as she looked down at Astoria. “A room of people - three of the best minds and magicians of the Whitethorn Citadel, and your bull of a grandmother - frozen by the blood in their own bodies at your command. Deny it all you wish, Catriona, but we both know it’s true.”

They tried to speak, but Senga’s voice rose, silencing them in a moment and making them flinch back as she stepped closer. Already being interrupted made them flush with irritation, but they bit their tongue, hoping that Senga would tire herself out in the end if they just let her keep ranting.

“Do you understand what that power can mean for you? The Canonach seat was always your birthright and it always will be, that won’t change. But you could become the greatest of all of us if you choose not to suppress it like you’ve been told all this time. That kind of power is strength, darling, a strength that will protect this clan so long as you hold the Barony.”

Astoria took another step back, feeling their hip bump the edge of their nightstand and quickly moving to fix the lamp as Senga advanced on them. They felt heat building in their chest, like a kettle on the stove, but they tried to tamp it down until their back hit the broad pane of glass that looked out into the starry sky.

“It is time for you to grow up. You will be twenty tomorrow morning, and it is time to stop gallivanting about carefree when you have duties to fulfill. I shouldn’t have let it go on for so long, I should have demanded you come home after Myrna supported that first year of your little temper tantrum.” Senga’s hand snapped out, grabbing their chin and forcing them to look her in the eye as her fingers dug into their cheeks. “Do you hear me, Catriona?”

Something...something snapped in Astoria then, and their own hand shot up, grabbing Senga’s wrist and ripping it away from their face with a strength they didn’t know they had.

“If you’re going to address me, mother, at least give me the respect of calling me by the name I’ve called myself for as long as I can remember.” Astoria spat, shoving her hand away and stepping to the side to try to work themself out of the corner they’d been physically backed into. “You’ve weaponized ‘Catriona’ every time I did something you didn’t like, every time you wanted me to bow to your whims and sit pretty like the perfect child you pretended you had.”

“How dare you -”

“How dare you treat your own child as you have treated me all these years?!” Astoria shrieked, voice breaking slightly as Senga seemed to freeze in place at their outburst. “How dare you make my cooperation a condition I had to fulfill to earn your love, make me feel like I had to prove myself over and over to you to earn scraps of respect?”

Senga’s face flushed, and she turned, tossing the blouse onto Astoria’s bed and moving toward the bedroom door. “I’m not going to speak with you if you want to behave like this. We can talk in the morning when you’ve calmed down.”

Before she’d even reached the door, Astoria had moved in front of it, flipping the lock and positioning themself in front of the mechanism so Senga couldn’t leave.

“No. No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to run away because you don’t like what you’re hearing. For once in my life you’re going to open your ears and listen to me, because I’m only going to say this once.”

Their blood was boiling, so hot through their veins that Astoria thought they were going to burn up, but the words kept spilling over faster than they considered putting a damper on them. And they didn’t want to, if they were honest with themself. It was the first time they spoke unfiltered to Senga, truly voiced how they felt, and it felt...it felt like flying. It felt like they had control for the first time in years, and they weren’t ready to let go of that feeling just yet.

“You said that the primary reason you even had me was so I could take the barony one day.”

Senga’s eyes rolled, and Astoria’s temper flared as she dismissively waved a hand. “You’re still on about that? Come now, let bygones be bygones. That was years ago.”

“I am not nearly done speaking.” Astoria said firmly, holding a hand up to stop Senga before she could continue. “But yes, I am ‘still on about that’, as you put it. I’ll carry those words in my mind for as long as I breathe, because it was what made me open my eyes to the truth of things. You don’t own me, my life, or my freedom for as long as I am strong enough to bite back. My temper tantrum, as you called it, was the first choice I ever made for myself without fearing what you’d say to me when I told you. And I learned from that choice, and every choice I made after, that you can do nothing to me if I don’t allow it. You are too selfish to consider a reality in which your plans fall through, thinking your way is the best way regardless of what I want.”

“If you cared about something beyond yourself you’d have seen in those letters how I told Malvina about my nightmares, about my fears, about how I felt like I was losing myself until I learned to control my magic rather than force it outward. But you only had eyes for what you thought you could stand to gain, what you thought I could give you, not my own well-being or my opinions on the matter. I’ve made it clear for years that I never wanted the barony, and the power that I have won’t change that. You don’t have to accept it, but understand it’s the way things are. Understand that I’ll take no more of this. You are no family of mine, Baroness, and you never will be if I have anything to say about it.”

Senga reached out, as if to touch their cheek, but Astoria dodged her hand and raised an arm to gesture for her to stay back. “Blood is thicker than water, Astoria. No matter what you say, you cannot possibly abandon your family so easily.”

“I prefer an alternative interpretation. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb - the bonds in the family I choose are stronger than those that are given by birth. And I choose Myrna, who has been more my mother than you ever have been. I choose to find a family who will love me for me, who won’t attach conditions to their acceptance and approval, who see me as I am and expect nothing more than Astoria Fenharrow, lover of bones and dirt and other things long since dead."

Astoria reached behind them and turned the lock again, opening the door just as the grand hall clock began to toll midnight and gesturing to the empty hall.

“Now get the hell out. Your house it may be, but it’s my goddamn bedroom.”

Senga opened her mouth to argue, but Astoria was already walking across the room, picking up the letters they’d sent to Malvina and tossing them into the cold hearth with every intention to use them as kindling for the cool summer night. She turned on her heel, and just as she took a few steps out into the hall, Astoria called out to her again with their tone clipped.

“Oh, and one more thing?”

Senga paused just beyond the doorway, looking back over her shoulder -

Something in Astoria’s face made her freeze then, going so pale it was like she’d seen a ghost.

“You lay a hand on me again without my consent, and I swear I will make sure you no longer have one.”

The door fell shut as Senga disappeared down the hall, and Astoria let out a trembling sigh, hands shaking as they peeled off their gloves to toss them on the table. They ran a hand through their hair, looked up to gaze in the mirror mounted above the hearth -

And then startled when they looked into their own eyes and met red, red, red irises that stared right back. Astoria took a few steps closer, removing their glasses and letting the chain catch them against their chest when they raised a hand to their eyes.

Sclera, black as night, making scarlet irises seem to glow as they looked back at their reflection and blinked a few times. They moved to wet their lips and froze when their tongue slid over a canine that definitely hadn’t been that sharp before, and with a cautious finger, pushed their lip up to look at the teeth behind it.

They had...fangs.

“Look at that.” They muttered, blinking a few more times and watching with intrigue as their eyes faded back to familiar white and turquoise and their teeth seemed to almost...retract, as if they’d never been fangs at all. Logically they knew they should be terrified, but they were high on adrenaline, and they gave their reflection a bit of a smile despite themself. They weren’t afraid - they thought it strange, surely, but at this point, strange was the name of the game.

“Guess mother knows I can bite back after all.”

#astoria fenharrow #my writing #manipulation cw

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