#happy april fools to you too

[that-unspeaking-sky-kid]

GUYS-

*gets booped*

GUYS-

**GUYS-**

*gets booped again*

GUYYSSS-

*BOOPED AGAIN BITCH*

GUYS STO-

*BOOP*

AAAAAA-

*GETS SPAMMED WITH BOOPS*

I SHOULD OF NEVER HEADPATTED AND BOOPED MY FRIENDS LAST YEAR-

IM GETTING A TASTE OF MY OWN-*boop*-FUCKING MEDICINE-

*CALLIE CRI AS SHES SUFFOCATING IN GETTING SWARMED BY PEOPLE SHES FOLLOWING / BOOPED*

CUT IT OUT PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

IM GETTING EVEN MORE AS IM TYPING THIS

@ze0wlartist STAAAAAAHP-

PLEASE-

*gets booped again*

[zibiscusloon]

So called “free thinkers” the second Tumblr gives us cat paws

..BOOP!

[goryhorroor]

slasher horror + posters

[missholoska]

hi. (happy late april fools)

new reaction image just dropped

[heartfullofleeches]

I am not sucrose anon but I am equally cursed and also a barista and I would like a coffee shop AU where reader owns a popular cafe using coffee sweetened with Sucrose fluids a la Sweeney Todd

I'm gonna drain the bitch

[Warnings: (candy) body horror if you squint. Reader commits a health code violation. (Does it count if they're a person made of pure sugar?) Either way, they commit some sort of crime against humanity and minors dni]

You smile at the next customer approaches the counter. "Hi, what can I get for you today?"

"Hello, can I get a cherry surprise frappe?"

You eye the door to the back, a blur of pink ducking behind the glass. "Oh, I'm sorry, but we just ran out of the main ingredient for that. It's one of our most popular drinks. If you can wait a minute, I'll run to the back real quick to grab another bottle."

Excusing yourself from the customer and the growing crowd, you head to the back. Recollections of your life before the sudden popularity boost of your cafe flood your mind as passive conversation buzzes around you.

"This is the best coffee shop I've ever been to."

"I wake up an hour earlier to beat the morning rush, but now it looks like I'll have to get up an extra thirty minutes before."

Such praise was but a fever dream for you until three short months ago. It's understandable for business to take a while to pick off when you're starting from the ground up, but almost a year in and no sign of major progress would damper just about anyone's spirits. All your troubles and woes changed that fate-filled day - when the kind baker from across the street offered you their special ingredients.

"Sucrose? You busy?"

A breathy, shaken trial at laughter comes from one of the counters; legs twitching at the note of concern in your voice. Busy - what a silly question to ask. As a model baker and business owner, Sucrose prided themselves in having fresh stock every morning and enough to last the entire day. Slaving through the night and lacking a need for sleep left their hands free for the more important things to do during the day, such as the task you'd dumped on them since your merge.

"hehe.. r...right here, gumdrop, same as always. Was starting to get a little long without ya.. Need my assistance?" Sucrose props themselves up on the smooth metal surface, melting, sticky thighs glueing them to place. You hand on their bare chest guides them to a full upright position, thumb and index finger rolling over their hardened buds.

"Not really, besides the usual. We ran out right in the middle of a rush so I have to make this quick."

Sucrose swallows, pinkish saliva trailing down their lips as their eyes fog over. "Y-yes, muffin. I'm still a little stimulated from the last few rounds, but anything for you..."

That drink really was only meant for you. Seeing their favorite human in trouble, Sucrose wanted to help out in the best way their sickeningly sweet heart could muster. Human emotion was still a new thing for them. They were bursting with so much love for that cute barista across the street that it came out in ways indescribable with words. Being sweeter than the average individual, they saw no harm in pouring their love into something to make you feel better, so they made their best attempt at iced coffee with the knowledge they picked up watching you. The look you gave them when you came back for more made it impossible to say no.

"It's almost funny really. I thought we had filled up two bottles alone last night, but they were empty before noon." Dropping to your knees, you roll the baker's apron and skirt up to their stomach, erection peaked and sprouting upwards free from the restrain of the tangled frills. The shaft was that same bubblegum pink as most of their body, head teetering on rouge. Teasing your tongue across the leaking tip produces more of that cherry flavoring so many had come love, but relief for the already frazzled baker was cut brief as you remember you had forgotten something. Sucrose picked up on your mistake the second you fell to the floor - producing a bottle with a funnel before you could go far. Their eyes avoid yours as another weak fit of laughter hits them.

"That... is definitely odd, haha. As you can see I've been in here all day so I couldn't possibly have had a hand in-..ah!"

While you'd love to hear their excuses, you have customers to get back to. Glossing your lips up their shaft as they spoke, you cut Sucrose's speech short as you part them slipping the confectioner's cock into the warmth of your mouth. Sweet as the cupcakes they're famous for, the taste of cherry taffy washes your taste buds coating the walls of your mouth sweetness as you pump your tongue in tandem with each bob of your head. Sucrose was completely over the edge with your speed and all the "preparation" they'd done while watching you from the window. Could there be any turn on greater than seeing your beloved hard at work, and hands deep in product of your own making.

"Oh.. Sweetheart, give a fiend a warning next time...aha.."

Sucrose shoves their apron so far down their throat they would've choked if they had the needs. In the same vein they could feel their cock hitting the back of yours, all willpower bled into keeping their hands on the counter and their moans to a minimum. The fans would cut out most of the sound, but they didn't want to risk anything that could jeopardize their time with you. Sucrose's lust would be the end of your already limited time together as their hands reach down to tangle in your hair. You brace yourself for what's to come by grabbing onto their leg and angling your head in a better position for the brute pace they'd set.

"Y/n... love you.." Throwing their free leg over your shoulder and around your neck, Sucrose fucks your throat as sweet nothing ramble on from their empty head. The whole reason they had gotten caught was due to a similar lapse of control. They wanted to surprise you with another bottle of their syrup and wanted it to be as fresh as possible, commiting their misdeeds right in the bliss of your bedroom. When you found them out, you weren't mad, nor as disgusted as they'd imagined. Why would you be? You're their wonderful little gumdrop who's taught them so much about the human realm. So sweet and addictive, just like the sugary concoction brewing in their loins. You were their everything. Perfection.

"Gumdrop, you're always so good to me... I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you, but I'll give you everything."

Sap-like fluid creating a slug trail down your throat, you tap Sucrose's leg to let them know to let go before it's too late. They pay no heed to your warning as their hips edge off the counter and your nose rides against their crotch; melting digits keeping you in place as they hold you under the force of their high.

"Take it... It's all yours. You're the only one who should be able to have this, but I let you share because I love you so much.. Yours.."

Sucrose rambles on as your palate is overtake by their taste. It's like a mixture of syrup and coffee creamer. That heavy, honey consistency with a creamy cherry filled softness. The type of flavor that was good in small quantities or paired with something instead of being pumped straight into your stomach like what was happening to you. Introducing your teeth to their flesh finally got them to loosen their grip. The pain only prolonged their orgasm, but Sucrose knew by now what that meant. They take the bottle from you and attach it to themselves as you head for the sink. The heat of your mouth melted their skin more to the point you were good on sugar for the rest of the week...or until they were unable to perform on their own again.

"All done!"

Sucrose proudly displays the syrup bottle on the counter beside you. A full eight ounce jar filled to the brim. They kiss you as you come up from rinsing out your mouth, reach back to squeeze your ass as their tongue catches the spit still clinging to the corner of your mouth.

"Make sure to watch your supplies more closely, Gumdrop. See you soon."

Sucrose wonders back to their side of the kitchen to figure out how to pour out the syrup again without you noticed as you head back out to the front - plucking taffy from your hair. After finishing the customer's order and handing them their change, they lean over the counter to whisper something.

"Um, hey, not to be rude, but you have something pink on your.. back pocket. It kinda looks like a handprint."

[nem0-nee]

[ APRIL FOOLS : A JOKE GONE TOO FAR ]

Kyuu decided to be extra silly, pulling the cruelest prank upon his hero, cursing her to become a marketable pocket watch. With such a fitting curse comes a fitting way to break it: true love's kiss.

Even the hero needs a hero... wonder who turned out to be her prince charming?

[prettyflyshyguy]

Happy April 1st, I have no new joke but here's a really good old one.

Buckle up.

Alright. Can't remember if I posted much about this before, but at my old job I produced this videogame. It was pretty cool!! It was set in the future, you're a super soldier who piloted remote robot drones called Espire.

(Violent little robot Sooty, my beloved. The shotgun pump in the trailer is still my favorite bit.)

I had my fingers in just about every pie that made up this game, and it was extremely cool getting to work with the team. April fools rolled around, game hadn't released just yet, we were finalising into the certification phase.

Every friday we had something called 'demo friday' where the team would show off something they worked on that week and we'd celebrate. It was charming to let everyone have a chance to show off their contributions, from every department in the company. I never really showed off anything because the spreadsheets I worked with, everyone already saw cause I would run around showing people every day as part of my job.

So on this fatefull, April 1st Friday, I asked to show the team something special. I pulled up a powerpoint presentation and add-libbed a new game concept pitch.

I pitched Espire to Love, a robot dating simulator, to a room full of 25 odd videogame developers.

Now as you may or may not have noticed, I don't often dabble in romance as a genre. I've barely touched dating sims and I'd never mentioned them before at work.

"From Dreamy daddies to anime girls, KFC's the colonel and even dinosaurs, there's an incredible range of options in the dating sim genre" I said with a straight face infront of a room full of people who were crying with laughter. I was barely holding myself together.

No one was prepared for the fake screenshots.

Still remember how hard some of them laughed when I pulled these slides up. I packed a lot of in-jokes into these that I won't explain - I wanted this to hit hard and hit home for the people I'd spent two + years working with.

People loved it, I made my friends laugh, it was good. And then upon being told "Hey you should send this to the publisher!"

That's exactly what I did.

The response from our assigned reps at Tripwire (YES, THAT TRIPWIRE) said they loved it, and they too were asking themselves the question "why not!" the whole way through.

But this story doesn't end there, oh no.

Fast forward a year. The game is released, we're hectic busy working on post release content, I'm cooking up the next stage of the joke.

Unfortunately, it never came to fruition due to time and stress. But here's what it was going to be:

We'd had our community clammoring for merch - so I wanted to pitch something bold, new and exciting, and the kind of thing that'd make us stand out.

Body pillows.

Would have been incredible. Might've made someone faint.

The robots were called Bean and Sooty during development so yes. I was going to deadass say "The bean bag and the sooty sack" (I mean what I say)

Unfortunately I didn't make it in time, and then double unfortunately, I lost my job when the studio had to significantly downsize.

But that never stops me from posting a good bit. You all know I'm a committed freak.

Fast forward a bit more and I'm trying to learn how to make my own games! So I download RenPy since it's a good starting point. It's designed more for VN's, so to find my feet I figured I should make as VN right?

I didn't want to make to make new assets, as the point was me learning to code. What to do..... what to do....

Full circle babeeeeyyyyy

And that's where we're at today! Long post I know, but I'm real proud of this joke. I love a good laugh that hits you at home, that's just honest fun. Huge shoutout to my old co-workers for listening to my original presentation, their laughter filled my heart and I was fucking terrified at the time, it was worth the joke.

It became a running gag in the office - we were playing Jackbox for a work party and it was one of those question and submitted answer games, and without any input from me the team had made the question "What would the for the sequel to Espire to Love be?"

and the options were "Espire to Live" and "Espire to death"

Anyway, I hope you only have charming and well considered April fools jokes today - designed for you to laugh at as much as the person making the joke. That's the best joke. Peace out.

[unofficialadamtaurus]

Hi Ares!~ I see you have yet to opt into the boop feature so I am here to bring you consistent boops right into your inbox ^A^!~ How are the state of your fingers? :o (Also Happy Easter and April fool's day :D Shame about your plans but there is always next year ^-^... or Halloween if they are spooky enough 0.0;?)

Thanks for the boops lol. After the pain didn’t go away I went to the hospital and found out I actually broke both my index and middle fingers on my right hand. When I told the doctor how it happened he called me an idiot, which, fair.*

The real shame is that they didn’t noticeably bruise. Just bone bruises. Like if I’m gonna get injured at least give me something to show off, y’know?

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

I'M BACK HOLY SHIT I'M BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[tablefourtyone]

I love the Nagazora arc and the way it all played out, and how well it worked out for KiaMei at the very end of part 1. In a crack nutshell:

Kewvin: Kiana's part of my Kaslana legacy full of musclebrains that could easily bring back the Leeroy Jenkins meme if they weren't naturally talented at clobbering Honkai dead with a baseball bat. Also cores are bad, you should do something about that, I TOTALLY can't do anything about them, just don't clarify that with your crippled friend and her gundam weeaboo mentor.

Mey: OMG MY POOR KIANA CHAN 😭😭😭

Kerbin: Come join the Dark Side, I have tons of subscribers and Elysia

May: I'll think about it one minute passes I'll do it

Einstein: Wait a second. You're letting your relationship with Kiana define 99% of your existence and agency in the narrative which loves to write you like this for some brainless reason. Wallowing in misery is turning you into a two-dimensional angstlord. Let me help you. I want to save Kiana's life.

Tesla: Me two

Aunty Teri: She has other people in her life plus a family that cares for her safety and wellbeing, in case you and the writers forgot. You're not exactly alone in your grief here.

Bronya: I exist and I also care, and I fought that Kewpie guy with Mr. Welt so I know if he's BSing you about not being able to yank out Kiana's cores himself or not.

Mee: everybody stfu it's my arc and my wangsty opera solo about my skill issues, only me myself and i and what kiana means to me matter, nothing and nobody else matters! nobody understands her better than me, we're endgame herrscher soulmates that can erase everyone if we want to and i'm pretty sure we did in a bad ending but whatever, it's me and her against this cold cruel world that suffers wangsty fools like us, baby!

Kanai: Nope, I've got realistic problems and emotions to deal with atm. G'bye moesenpai sorry not sorry

Meo: chases kiana and fights to the music of codependency

Thunderhead: hey. hey kid. you want edgey battlesuit?

Meh: i tried so haaaaard and come so faaaaar and in the end I had to be a Herrscherrrr

Kania: Meansenpai wai the 180 hostility and violence and resting honkai diva bitchface T_T

RaidenMeiThunderthighs: I'M NOT SAYING BECAUSE GO FUCK YOURSELF. KICKING AND BEATING YOU IN THE FACE AND TELLING THE AUDIENCE THAT I'M DOING IT BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU ISN'T CRINGE. SEE YOU IN SIX MONTHS, STAY PRETTY AND REGRESSIVELY STUPID FOR ME

People who neither play GGZ nor ship them: This fight is horribly written, and caters specifically to the GGZ crowd.

[lilacthebooklover]

RELEASE THE LICORICE GUIDE PUH LEASE I JUST GOT THE BOY AND DON'T WANT HIM TO BE OVERWHELMED

A Guide To Caring For Your Lico

..coming soon ;)

[that-unspeaking-sky-kid]

The franchise began with Star Trek: The Original Series, which debuted in the US on September 8, 1966, and aired for three seasons on NBC. It was first broadcast on September 6, 1966, on Canada's CTV network. The series followed the voyages of the crew of the starship USS Enterprise, a space exploration vessel built by the  Scottish usage where the word meant "plain bun", rather than thin baked good, and so it is not certain whether it is the same word. From 1808, the word "cookie" is attested "...in the sense of "small, flat, sweet cake" in American English. The American use is derived from Dutch koekje "little cake", which is a diminutive of "koek" ("cake"), which came from the Middle Dutch word "koke". Another claim is that the American name derives from the show. Backdrops would be used as well and would come in the form of a modified video of an actual forest. The show was filmed at Smatchley Wood, a private forest located in Warwickshire, England. Hundreds of props would be built too: the majority were spherical flowers resembling pom-poms as well as several types of oversized oval-shaped stones. Vector art for the show (e.g. the pictures of the characters and props on the gazebo and in the bedtime story) was all designed in apologies for wasting your time reading this. April Fools, friend. :D

(I apologise if I sent two of these I can't remember-)

:0

this was actually pretty entertaining to read despite not watching star trek, and thanks for the april fools! i like it.

[nacregames]

Hi a new fan here,

Out of curiosity, are both of your wips discontinued or is still being worked on? 🧐

(Ps: if it’s still being worked on, can we get a update? Also Happy April fools!)

Heyaa! I'm still working on both projects, but I haven't been able to make up my mind yet on how to continue, so it'll take some time before I can give you a proper update.

[pierce-walker]

self-para  \  the sand runs out. men’s bathroom, rhee’s bar and grill. approximately 11:20 pm.

trigger warnings: knives, blood, murder, death.

i’m falling through the hourglass and i don’t think i’ll ever make it back so i throw stones at walls i’ll never climb, victim to the sands of time i’m falling through the hourglass, the hourglass.

Pierce would be lying if he said he hadn’t been distracted lately. His father had grown increasingly pushy in the last few months, begging and pleading for money. It was honestly pathetic, but the constant harassment was starting to wear him down. It was getting to the point where he felt he had only two options: either give him the change or cut him off. In addition to that, self-publishing his music had turned out to be a lot more complicated than he was expecting. But he was tired of keeping it to himself, tired of only showing his craft to Kahlan, to Emi, to Adee. It was beyond time for him to finally take the leap.

His phone buzzed again, and he jolted, his leg crashing into the surface before him. The glass of beer resting untouched on the table tumbled, spilling amber liquid all over him. He sighed, staring at the mess for a moment. The beer slowly rolled across the table like a wave, dripping over the side when it reached it, directly onto his jeans—just his luck.

Before cleaning it up, he tugged his phone out of his pocket. The number he’d expected flashed on-screen and he rolled his eyes, setting it on the other side of the table, away from the beer puddle. Slowly, Pierce got to his feet, moving towards the bathrooms as quickly as he could. Hopefully, no one was in there, and he could clean up before anybody noticed he was gone…or saw the mess on the table.

The bathroom was indeed deserted, and he sighed in relief as he moved toward the paper towel dispenser, grabbing a couple to begin the hopeless task of cleaning the alcohol off of his jeans. He patted off his pockets, feeling something stiff below the fabric.

Quickly, he dug out a small, folded-up piece of paper. Unfolding it, he realized it was an old draft of one of his songs. With a small laugh, he dumped it and the paper towels into the trash can. He didn’t need that draft anymore—the final was sitting on his kitchen table, waiting for him to finally deal with it tomorrow.

Grabbing a couple of extra paper towels, he moved to the sink, running the water to wash his hands. He also splashed some on the denim, hoping it would help rid the already-forming stain. As he did, he heard the door click open behind him. 

“Sorry,” he said instinctively, not looking up, “I’ll just be a sec. Those tables are super easy to jiggle, eh?” Pierce chuckled. Whoever it was didn’t deign to give him a reply.

Eyebrows knitting together momentarily, he turned off the sink faucet, dabbing the last of the water from his jeans. Perhaps the recent events in the town just had him on edge, but something about the idea of being alone with someone in an enclosed area didn’t sit quite right with him. Pierce took a deep breath, stepping to the left to throw away the towels in his hand.

He never got the chance to step back.

Shooting pain drilled through the back of his abdomen, harsh enough for him to stumble forward, catching himself on the sink. His eyes darted down, red viscosity already mixing into the beer stain on his jeans. He should've trusted his instincts more.

Mouth open in a wordless O, he looked back in horror at his assailant. The masked figure was standing across from him in silence, silence as sharp as their blade; still in their hand, blood dripping from its point. Pierce could already feel the burn in his side, his arm snaking around to press a hand over the gaping hole. The knife hadn't come out cleanly, leaving a ragged tear in his shirt—the edges were already stained dark brown with blood. 

Suddenly, urgency ripped through him. If he didn't move, he was going to die in this bathroom. Jerking into motion, Pierce clumsily whipped backward, using his momentum to stagger into the killer—because that's who they were, he was certain. They didn't seem to expect it, stumbling up against the wall. Immediately, he pushed towards the door, trying to put as much distance between himself and the other person as possible.

Foot slipping on the tile quickly slickening with his blood, he fell against the door, banging on the bottom. Somehow, it had been locked—the wood barely moved under his fist. A muffled cheer went up from outside. No one could hear him, and Pierce's heart sank at the realization.

Sharp pain tore a cry out of him as his assailant caught him messily on the leg once more. He blinked, trying to see through tears of pain. He could feel his heart thumping weakly against his chest, his breath coming in shallow gasps, and all he could think was this is it. I'm going to die here.

Pangs of regret began to numb the pain from his wounds, closing like a fist around his heart as he lay panting on the tile floor of the bathroom. Regret that he’d never be able to publish a song, and regret that he’d been selfish enough to keep them to himself. Regret that he’d never told Finley he still loved her, and regret that he’d never moved on. Regret that he’d never looked into his birth family, and regret that he’d never cut them off—too much regret for too little time.

The world was already flickering, and he screamed as another jolt of pain ran through his leg, though no noise came out. Through his dim and blurry vision, he could just barely make out the figure in front of him, pulling his leg towards them. They were trying to get him away from the door. He reached out an arm helplessly, every muscle shuddering before it dropped to the ground, the sheer strength needed to lift it already gone. 

There was nothing he could do.

[zeawesomebirdie]

why hello tomas beloved I’m doing nothing shady or suspicious in your inbox today nope not at all I’m just here on this fine poisson d’avril doing nothing at all mmhmm my my your inbox is looking lovely today mind if I just

*sticks a paper fish to your back and runs*

HA get pranked!! april fools!!!!

Why hello lovely day to you sure is a lovely April evening I sure hope there aren't any fish about!!

[marshmellowpaint]

hi watch this video please https://youtu.be/GCa5UAnQ6GE

SCREAMING avdjajshqk thank you Crane my new favourite song fr <333