#half of naruto's friends were convinced he was just really committed to the bit of seeing under kakashi's mask

[notdexterousatall]

I think my real point here is that if anyone should be calling each other "nii-san" and "otouto" in bed it should be KakaNaru. Jiraiya has definitely written Icha Icha StepSister and Kakashi has definitely read it. Naruto should realize he's into that, make fun of him for it, and then be the one to start doing it while they're having sex. Kakashi should laugh and go along with it, secretly be HUGELY into it, and then continue treating Naruto as some combination of lover/younger brother in all other aspects of their relationship completely uncritically. Sasuke thinks they're freaks. Sakura is also into it.

I feel like people sleep on just how fucked up KakaNaru can get. Like, there's the obvious: fourteen-year age difference, student-teacher, etc... But what about the rest? Sleeping with the boy who should have been as close to a younger brother as you were ever going to get, if things hadn't gone so terribly wrong. Your student/teacher and your subordinate/commanding officer in the military dictatorship you both live in and serve. Fucking the man who was supposed to teach you how to kill, but seemed so uninterested in you that he dropped you in the chuunin exams without warning and then handed you over to another teacher (he was never uninterested.) You love him anyway. You've both been indoctrinated to do anything in service of the village (he's the one who indoctrinated you.) Even in ninja-magic world, your friends would at minimum give you a side eye for your relationship. Are ninja even cool with you being gay? Let alone doing the equivalent of growing up to marry your middle school teacher/marry your student. He's the most dangerous man you know. Both of you have teetered on the brink of being perfectly alone in the world. You love him.

[kusagrasskusa]

Yandere! Itachi X Reader Headcannons

The reader is precieved as a normal civilization rather than a ninja.

ALSO I learned how to do the "read more" thing on my phone and now I'm happy uvu- and to any friends that read this, I'm so sorry but I've never been so dedicated to a fandom in a long time lol. I might make a oneshot later for this, too, and I do, you should see a link under this paragraph somewhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🖤 Itachi is a mature and collected person, so I'd think it'd be unlikely for him to just grow obsessed at once. Itachi would have to come across Y/N many times before releasing he's in love.

🖤 The way he'd meet Y/N would be when he'd be scouting an area for a particular enemy. He'd happen to come across her, who interacted with him a little but nothing interesting happened. Overtime, the two would see each other here and there, until eventually everyday.

🖤 When his enemy he was looking for had been eliminated, he said his goodbyes to Y/N before leaving. He expected to move on, but his mind would wonder back to her no matter how hard he tried.

🖤 Eventually, Itachi would see Y/N whenever he had free time. He'd make room in his day to spend hours together; they'd go out to eat, participate in festivals, talk, and more.

🖤 On Y/N's side, it didn't take long before she started to feel romantic interest. Afterall, Itachi was calm, collected, smart, strong, fun to be around, and seemed genuinely interested in her. She was definitely in love before he was.

🖤 Around the time Itachi would visit the Leaf Village to find Naruto, he strangely started to worry a lot about Y/N learning about who he was and fear him. He couldn't help but want to shield her from the truth, and if the people around them learned that the man Y/N was with was wanted, it would end bad for them.

🖤 Itachi was inevitably worrying a little too much about the possibility of her finding out. He went to see her and did his best to distract her from any gossip or drama whatsoever to ensure she'd never hear about the Akatsuki. His time spent with her increased from a few hours to half the day.

🖤 Itachi wouldn't ever want to kidnap or drag people into his life. He hates killing, he hates being "evil", he hates everything about his dark lifestyle. The decision to either abandon someone he began to care for or to take her away was a very hard one.

🖤 Itachi realized something in the process of thinking of a solution. He loved Y/N; he loved her to the point where the thought of her hating or fearing him scared him so badly. Even with Sasuke, the thought of him having him was terrifying but something he could live with.

🖤 It was releasing to learn about his own true feelings. He was desperately in love with Y/N, to the point where she was like air, or food, or water. Like in order to live, she had to be around.

🖤 As word spread about two strange people walking around Konoha and that Orochimaru took the last Uchiha, it was inevitable that Y/N would learn about the info. The next time she saw Itachi, she brought it up to him and expressed her discomfort in the fact that she could be among evil people.

🖤 He was scared. So scared that she would hate him for his lifestyle after finding out about who he really is. So that was it; his mind was made. He took Y/N away that night.

🖤 When word about the Akatsuki in Konoha, he received a lot more looks when he was in public than normal. He'd usually have a normal kimono on and have his hair in a different, though similar, style in order to appear normal. But he knew deep down in his heart that people are bound to start suspecting him of being an Akatsuki. And overhearing someone talk about an S class Uchiha member is what did it.

🖤 "You've been asking about where I live for a whole now. Would you like see my home?" Itachi asked. Y/N happily agreed to go, and sorta expected his home to be outside of her village. But the further she traveled, she grew a bit nervous and wanted to return home (as you would if you were led outside of your village into deep woods)

🖤 Itachi wasn't escorting Y/N alone. Of course, the Akatsuki is bound to learn about that girl Itachi insisted on bringing up in most of his little amounts of conversations. It was obvious he was obsessed with her, as much as he would try to hid it, but he just couldn't get her off his mind. So the night where he choose to bring her home, Kisame was watching the two frkm afar in case something happened.

🖤 Before that day, Itachi had mentioned that he wanted to protect Y/N. Over the three months Itachi spent with Y/N, he had plenty of time to talk about her enough to where the other members basically knew her.

🖤 Itachi actually got a few of the members (ex. Kisame, Deidara) were interested in Y/N as well. How could someone as "heartless" as Itachi Uchiha fall in love, and in such a dramatic way at that? They were sorta curious to see what was so special about her.

🖤 Anyway, you can imagine how Itachi convinced Y/N to go far enough into the woods to go to a small little cottage. Was it part of the Akatsuki hideout? No. Itachi would never trust the Akatsuki members with Y/N alone, and she needs her freedom to walk around a house.

🖤 The inside was sorta minimalistic, but not completely empty. To the far right was a kitchen was a small dining table with two chairs, and on the opposite side was two rooms. In one room was a single bed with a closet in it, and in the other room was a bathroom. Between the kitchen and two rooms was a small living room with a couch, coffee table, and more. There were bored games in a little dresser in the living room, along with a full bookshelf with books of all genres.

🖤 "Care for dinner?" Itachi had asked. He wanted to tell Y/N why she's there over a dinner he made and had prepared in advance. It turns out he was amazing at cooking.

🖤 It wasn't very easy, but Itachi managed to explain his feelings towards Y/N. Of course, Y/N happily excepted and was quick to hug and express her feelings towards him. He returned the hug and spoke about how he loved her very much, however he had so much more to say to her.

🖤 Justifyingly so, Y/N was frozen in shock when Itachi told his story. He killed everyone in his clan aside from his brother, the well-known Uchiha. How he fled his clan after committing the murders and joined an infamous group; The Akatsuki.

🖤 While displaying himself as calm, he was so overwhelmed and scared within his mind. He knew he'd have to tell her why she's staying at the house and why, from now one, she'll never leave. But he was smart enough to know she wouldn't simply except living here out of love. He would have to be a bit manipulative to keep Y/N.

🖤 Y/N was mortified and didn't notice the tears pouring out of her eyes. She fell desperately in love with a murderer. She felt so sick, so scared. She stood up, begging to go home so desperately, trembling over her own words. She was so scared for her life now, and what Itachi's intentions were. Truly, Itachi's heart broke at this.

🖤 "Y/N, darling," Itachi spoke, his words laced with love as she softly grabbed Y/N wrists and leaned close. "I had to take you away. I couldn't let them take you from me."

🖤 He was very delicate with Y/N as he calmed her down, as if she was glass. His heart ached at her pain, but he truly believed it was for the best. In a way it really was; people saw Y/N with the tall raven boy many times in public, and her parents and friends had met him too. Once they find out that boy is the Itachi, Y/N could be killed if they think she was aiding him.

🖤 Itachi did his best to show her around and make her feel comfortable. But no matter what he did, Y/N felt so broken, so empty, so confused. There's no way that sweet Itachi she loves is a killer. He has to be lying.

🖤 Over the course of a few days, Y/N learned to except the fact she's held at that small home. She tried to think on the good side; she could decorate it how she wants, has more freetime, can focus on her hobbies and learn to cook new things, and more! Even if she's never allowed to leave the house, Itachi let's her do basically anything around the home.

🖤 Y/N still loves him. As months go by of being alone for a few days without Itachi, some days with him for a little bit, and some full days with him, she still couldn't help but appreciate him just as much as before. No, she appreciates him more even. She just can't help but love him, and he loves her too.

🖤 Itachi felt much more relaxed around Y/N and tried to spend every second he could with her. He was so shameful of keeping her from her home, but it was for the best wasn't it?

🖤 Most of Itachi's emotions about keeping her was all because he lived her and never wanted to see her with anyone else. But he had always found an excuse as to why it's for the best that she's never with anyone else.

🖤 Kisame had met Y/N a few times. She was never comfortable with him however and was typically holding onto Itachi's sleeve, or leaning on him when he's around. However Kisame would be around when Itachi wasn't sometimes to keep watch.

🖤 As long as Itachi or Kisame was present, Y/N is allowed to go outside and visit close villages other than the one Y/N is from. She would be allowed to buy anything she wanted and could afford from these places, but she had to go home eventually.

🖤 At the end of the day, Y/N had quite a lot of freedom and eventually, she was happy. She was happy to be living with Itachi and was perfectly happy calling him her husband.

🖤 Itachi never wanted a marriage though. He was going blind and he planned to be murdered by his brother and he never dared to make her a young widow. When Izumi had died, he felt so distraught and he knew Y/N is bound to feel the same, but even worse if they got married.

🖤 When Itachi died, as said, Y/N was distraught. No, she was mortified. Absolutely mortified. Even if she was free, she had lost the last person she had a connection with. And she carried that sorrow to her grave.

[inrainprose]

Isn't sad how all those children preferred to live in a dark cave, caged, all being used as test subject for Orochimaru's bizarre experiments, living like animals, than in their natal villages with their "companions"?

F***ING WEBSITE FROM HELL I F***ING DELETED THAT F***ING META BECAUSE I CLICKED BACKSPACE ONE TIME TO MANY F**K THIS okay here we go again because I thought hard about this and I’m not gonna let it go.

SO. I think Orochimaru is a far more interesting character when written as a cult leader for outcasts than with just the children-snatching psychopath view, because we don’t get the impression that he coerces people into following him. There’s no doubt he did some abducting but that’s not the core of his recruitment strategy.

It was a strong theme at the beginning of the story with Zabuza and Haku – how far would you go for the first person to ever show you kindness and give you safety, even if it was for selfish reasons, even if they’re terrible people? I seem to recall Naruto thinking something along the lines of “I was lucky it was Iruka for me, had it been someone else…” and relating to Haku’s loyalty to Zabuza despite knowing he was just a mean to an end. It makes for great AUs too – what if Naruto had latched onto someone less recommendable than nice Iruka? It's too bad that line of thinking was dropped because it also served as a harsh criticism of their world, the fact that it produces so many bitter, abandoned orphans that have no choice but to turn to brutal mercenaries and unhinged scientists. The shinobi world created many of its own enemies, within and outside the villages.

I don’t think the kids “prefer” to live that way, but they would still be starving in the streets or abused by their village without Orochimaru, so it’s normal to do whatever he wants in return, right? Including kill or fight each other to death or subject themselves to whatever he wants to test on them… Of course it’s textbook recipe for abuse, the “you owe me” card. He takes full advantage of this, that they have nowhere else to go, that they will owe him. He also makes it even harder for them to go back, what with the body modifications and making it to every village’s shit list with the killing and stuff he has them do.

(more under the cut cause that got a bit out of hand)

He basically runs a cult – he’s shown to be charismatic, having a great power of attraction and persuasion, and he doesn’t treat them that badly, I mean in a way we often see bad guys do, being belittling and acing them off for fun just to show he’s eeeeevil. He does give them what they want, safety, shelter, power, companionship, purpose. I can imagine him playing the benevolent card for a while before introducing his newest refugee to the downside of getting under his wing. He preys on the vulnerable and they come willingly.

It’s most likely their only option, including once they’re in and realize they’re really not into this after all. It’s not like any of them was ever offered a way out – what would they do if they left, who would help them? The shinobi world doesn’t seem big on rehabilitation, for all Naruto’s “villain-turning-good” powers. Most of them pay their “redemption” and their return to the light by death anyway. Would be too hard to actually question their morality and choices and see what they would become if they went back to the world…

Ironically enough the only one who sort of gets that is Orochimaru lmao but it doesn’t count because there was no redemption nor questioning of any kind they just decided he got to stay and not be held accountable for any of his actions. And I don’t know why any of us is surprised by this actually or why we expected better we should be used to this by now. Ah. Moving on.

As the kids grow up, they would either develop a stronger sense of morality/self-worth and wouldn’t be able to go along with this shit anymore, no matter how grateful they are to him, or they would stay blindly loyal. Or they would just be dead, dying, or imprisoned and unable to escape heh. I guess some would also take a deeper turn because since this world sucks so much and abandoned them why wouldn’t they wreak havoc in it on his orders? He must play on this too because he IS outside and against the system and it would attract those who seek revenge against it, even if he serves his own interests above the "Strike back at the System" cause. It served him well when he was in Konoha after all and isn’t that his biggest grievance in the end? That he played within its constraint and was still cast out, because he crossed a line he didn’t even know was there? We don’t get a feeling that he’s inherently against the whole child-soldiers/kill for hire/waging pointless wars thing, on the contrary it suits him quite well, but the problem was the hypocrisy, that they condone those things but still try to take the moral high ground.

I’m sorry but I can only imagine Orochimaru being like “assassination ok torture for information ok civilian casualties ok sacrifice anything for the village including your health life and those of your friends ok train to death and do whatever it takes to get stronger ok experiment on people… no?” I’m not trying to justify his actions but just, how is anyone surprised by how some of them turned out? I think we saw people like this among his followers, you know who were trained to kill from a young age, but when they got a taste for it and went outside the mission frame, the villages were like "huh huh no no” and they went ???? excuse me how was I supposed to cope with being made into an assassin as seven apart from convincing myself that this was all fine and fun actually? And of course the classic “I lived in a cage/I was driven from my home at 5/I was enslaved, and this guy comes around and offers a way out was I just supposed to say no?”.

(This apply to Sasuke too by the way, because had this boy been given some freaking support as a child he wouldn’t have made it his lifelong goal to kill his brother while disregarding absolutely everything else in his life and Orochimaru played him like a damn flute and someone should just have… seen this coming. Or just NOT have the entire Uchiha clan pointlessly wiped off but that’s another point entirely)

The lines of who is good and who is bad in Naruto are very foggy. Murder is not a criterion, child abuse either, so what? At some point we have to acknowledge that the characters who are "good" in Naruto are simply the ones we're told are on the good guys' side. I mean it’s a valid morality system – being good means serving your village. Whatever you do to that end is okay. It’s exactly Danzo’s mentality and it's easy to see where it comes from, it is how their world is built. It’s also how they manage to say with a straight face that Itachi was a good guy actually, and you can build a story on that, you can put it into question.

But the story doesn’t commit to this. It still tries to tell us that being mean and killing people is bad, when half of those characters are paid assassins for freak’s sake, when the good guys have an entire clan build on arbitrary slavery, when they massacred one of their own clan. Once again it started right with Zabuza, when they make the characters (and us) realize that the only thing opposing them is that they have different employers. Zabuza isn’t bad because he’s a mean guy who kills people, he’s bad because he gets in the way of their mission. Of course he conveniently works for an asshole while they work for the guy trying to lift his community from its shithole, but that’s not why they help him. They help him because he pays them to so.

Anyway, going back to the topic at hand and concluding this long-ass rant, it’s hard to infer whether Orochimaru sees them solely as pawns and expendables bodies or if he has any form of attachment to them or some to them. I found his writing to be very inconsistent and not compelling at all because it never dwells into these topics, and the narration can’t make up its mind about him. But I don't like to cast him as just a one-dimensional evil psychopath because that's… bad, y’know, and I don’t think the number of people willing to follow him should be dismissed. In many ways Orochimaru and his people him are a direct product of their world

That got out of hand really fast but. Well. You’re right. It’s sad.

[sparrowstrikewrites]

Flaming Oven Character Study Part 3

Naruto Uzumaki (age 26, basically canon compliant)

This time it’s a microwave on fire.

Long work days+old habits=secret instant ramen stash in the hokage’s office

Secret ramen stash+exhaustion=no water in the ramen

No water in the ramen=smoldering ruin of styrofoam and burnt noodles

He tries his best 

By the time Naruto officially received the title of Hokage at age 25, he had a pretty good idea of what he was in for. Kakashi had let him get pretty hands on the last couple years. Naruto knew the volume of paperwork that day to day life in the village generated. He understood the intricate rituals of niceties that dealing with clan elders and the daimyo’s representatives required. He knew when to lean on his reputation, when to call in favors, and when to put his foot down and a scary face on (that last one he learned from Yamoto-sensei).

Naruto went into the job fully aware of the mental challenge the job presented and the physicality of it. Hokages these days weren’t leading their village on the battlefield, but peace didn’t make the job easy. 

Naruto became one of the primary leaders in a new and vast global economy. In peace, a web of intricate and delicate political ties grew into place through marriages, friendships, trade routes, and tourism. To Naruto, this new and fragile world order was a thing of beauty. It was something he knew would require active protection and lots of late nights at the office.

So, a couple days into his tenure as Hokage, Naruto tucked a case of instant ramen in the bottom drawer of his desk. Sure, he could afford to have Ichiraku delivered, but there was something nostalgic about the styrofoam cups. 

Instant ramen saw Naruto through the academy, through the chuunin exams, through years on the road with Jiriya, and he would forever associate them with both a hard day’s work and success.

To Naruto, they were as much a reminder of how far he’d come and how anything really was possible with enough guts and dedication, as they were a nostalgic and easy dinner.

The new trade treaty with Kiri was giving Naruto a headache. He’d ready it half a dozen times and Mei’s swirling cursive looked less and less like words each time.

Naruto ran a hand through his hair and groaned. Outside his office the sun had set over an hour ago. 

At lunch, Naruto had sent a clone home to tell Hinata he wouldn’t be back until late. 

With a weary sigh, Naruto fished a styrofoam cup out of his desk and picked his way around piles of history books and half drafted missives.

The hokage’s office was on the 6th floor of the administrative building. On the fourth floor, there was a kitchen and a breakroom.

The only other person in the kitchen was an anbu in a bird mask. 

The anbu was making a mug of coffee. 

Naruto studied the anbu carefully, trying to figure out if he knew this one. They were a bit shorter than him and had dark hair cut at their shoulders. Under the cloak, it was hard to guess if they were a man or woman.

“Coffee?” the anbu asked and offered Naruto the coffee pot.

Naruto didn’t recognize the anbu’s voice. They sounded like a woman and like they were on the young side.

Kakashi had imposed age limits on the anbu. At the youngest, she could be 19. 

Naruto mentally berated himself. When did 19 suddenly sound so young? I must be getting old.

The anbu was still waiting for an answer. 

Naruto shook his head. “No. No thank you.” He held up his instant ramen as an explanation.

“Long night?” the anbu asked. Naruto and his 10 cent ramen were a well known combination.

Naruto nodded. “Yeah. Sorry about that. I know you guys are stuck here until I go home.”

“No need to apologize. This is a good job. We’re all happy to take turns doing it between away missions.”

Naruto blinked in surprise. 

“It’s a nice break from sleeping rough and eating nutritional supplement bars in the rain,” the anbu added.

Naruto snickered. “You just get off a mission somewhere in water country?”

“Escorting a representative from their academy home. He was here for the Global Academy Restructuring Conference.”

Naruto smiled at that. The Academy Restructure was something Kakashi started. Naruto was pretty sure he’d called in a lifetime of favors and possibly pulled a knife on a couple of clan elders to get it off the ground here at home.

With the new curriculum and minimum age requirements in place, every graduating class was more prepared for the real world than the one before it. By the time Kakashi handed off the hat, there was no longer a shortage of medic in Konoha, genin casualties were lower than any other time in recorded history, and the rookie mission records spoke for themselves.

Convincing the other countries to consider adopting similar changes was Naruto’s first big win in office.

The conference had taken almost a year to organize, mostly because convincing foreign powers to share any details of their education system was like wrestling a greased toad in a mudpit (especially since those education systems functioned primarily as feeders for the military).

Naruto realized he’d spaced out, grinning like an idiot at the anbu, and winced. “Sorry.”

The anbu tried to disguise a snicker as a cough. She raised her mug in a small salute and headed for the door.

Naruto raised his ramen in reply and she didn’t pretend to hide a snort that time.

With the anbu gone, Naruto turned back to the task at hand. His stomach was growling and hopefully some food would clear the fog from his mind.

Naruto cracked the lid, put the ramen in the microwave, and set the timer for 3 minutes.

As the cup spun in lazy circles and the machine hummed, Naruto’s mind drifted.

He remembered Kakashi pulling him aside after the Global Academy Restructuring Conference. 

Kakashi put his hand on Naruto’s shoulder and met his former student’s questioning stare. Both of them privately wondered when they’d become the same height.

Kakashi opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t seem to find his words. “Thank you,” he said at last. No more child soldiers. No more kids growing up on the battlefield. No more Obitos, Rins, Hakus, Zabuzas, Itachis.. No more people like me.

“I’m just finishing what you started,” Naruto said with an easy smile.

“I’m proud of you.”

Naruto held that memory close on the days the job was at its worst. He had the family he always dreamed of, the friends he’d never dared imagine, and the power to do real good. 

The microwave beeped that it was done.

Naruto shook off the memories and reached for the door. He stopped short and it took his sleep deprived brain 3 precious seconds to realize what was wrong.

The microwave was full of black smoke and it was beginning to seep out around the door and through the vent in the back.

Naruto’s mind flipped into overdrive like it was trying to make up for lost time. If the smoke alarm went off, he’d interrupt Shikamaru and the Fire Daimyo’s representative negotiating border guard contracts, a clanhead meeting that was already running 3 hours over, and kami knew how many other important and time sensitive things.

Naruto grabbed the microwave and ran. 

Elevator’s too slow. Alarm on the fire escape. Have to take the main stairs.

Naruto kicked the door to the staircase open and charged down the first flight of stairs. Smoke hung in the air behind him and the microwave plug bounced off the concrete steps.

The jostling seemed to be helping more smoke escape. It stung Naruto’s eyes and he ran faster.

Naruto vaulted over the railing, falling the last story and staggering out the door.

The night was quiet. The moon hung low overhead and the stars glittered.

Naruto burst out laughing and raised the microwave in triumph.

At which point, the fire alarm went off behind him.

Konohagakure’s administrative leadership, the Fire Daimyo’s representative, a visiting dignitary from Kumo, and a handful of anbu found the hokage standing on the front sidewalk holding a still smoking microwave.

Other than the fire alarm and the distant sound of sirens as the fire department headed their way, it was oddly quiet.

From the edge of the evacuated crowd, Shikamaru motioned for Naruto to put down the microwave.

Naruto frowned, trying to figure out what Shikamaru was miming and then glanced down at the microwave. 

Naruto took a deep breath and set down the microwave inorder to buy him time to figure out what to say.

The smell of burned styrofoam was acidic and sharp. It burned Naruto’s throat and he coughed.

Everyone just watched.

Naruto swallowed hard and then blurted out, “Sorry everyone. I tried, but I wasn’t quite fast enough.”

The silence stretched.

Shikamaru sighed and buried his face in his hands.

Someone laughed. 

Naruto caught a glimpse of an anbu in a bird mask doubled over giggling and just like that the tension broke. 

Naruto did his best to laugh with everyone, but it felt a little too much like his academy days. His smile was a little too forced and the familiar ache of loneliness settled in his chest.

Naruto sat on the curb beside the no longer smoking microwave while the fire department cleared the building and turned off the alarm.

Several of the meetings and negotiations broke for the night or relocated to one of the nearby late night restaurants. Nothing like a pre-dinner show, good food, and a bit of sake to ease the way for treaties.

Naruto cradled the black lump that had been his dinner. The soot stained his fingers and the smell of it made his eyes water, at least he told himself that was it.

“Hokage-sama?”

Naruto glanced up. 

The bird anbu was standing somewhat awkwardly in front of him. She shifted from foot to foot, like she wasn’t quite committed to standing her ground. 

“My replacement showed up a while ago, but I don’t really have any place I need to be and I thought you might be hungry so I grabbed you some hopefully more edible ramen,” the anbu slung her bag off her shoulder, pulled out a familiar takeout container, and held it out to Naruto.

Naruto blinked in surprise and took the container with smudged fingers. “Thank you.”

“You know it means a lot that you tried.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

The anbu ran a hand through her hair and tried to choose the right words. “I know that probably sounds like I’m just trying to suck up to my boss, but seriously. It’s the little, unconscious things people do that show who they really are. Like taking the time to talk to a literally faceless new hire. It proves you really mean all those grand things you say.”

Naruto’s shoulders relaxed and he shook his head. “I’m pretty sure all I proved was the accuracy of my knuckleheaded reputation.”

The anbu shook her head. “How many other Kage would have worried about interrupting everyone else’s meetings or keeping people late? How many people in power do you think would give a shit about inconveniencing everyone else, especially when they’re hungry and working overtime on thankless paperwork? You tried. You cared. You’re still here, waiting to get back inside and finish said thankless paperwork. That matters.”

 Naruto wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and smeared soot across his forehead. “The bar really is low isn’t it.”

The anbu groaned. “Take a compliment and eat your ramen,” she snapped.

Naruto smiled and popped the lid off the container. 

The anbu nodded, a single sharp movement, pleased. She turned and started down the street.  “Next time just chucked the microwave out the window.”

“My luck it’ll explode when it hits the ground and then we’ll all be locked inside all night over a bomb scare.”

The anbu just laughed and slipped into the shadows.

---

For 3 months, everytime Naruto stayed late a bowl of Ichiraku turned up on his desk.

Then Shikamaru set the copy machine on fire twice in the same week and Naruto lost his status as office fire hazard.

[mysterylover123]

BNHA Rewatch Episode 26 “Time to Pick some Names”

mysterylover123

We return to normal school stuff with a fun little episode, packed with some ominous foreshadowing.

Seeing Izuku getting hounded like this just makes me wonder what kinda attention the other kids get. Especially Bakugo.

This draft picks do make me wanna call bullshit a little though. Like, I get why Deku isn’t up there. But why is Kaminari, who got taken out in seconds, in 5th, and Ashido, who made it into the second round and has a very popular and easily demonstrative quirk and look, not up there at all?!

This episode is really shippy, you guys. Todomomo here. Look at how she looks at him. She likes him. Convince me otherwise.

Iidaraka making an appearance too! Aw, lookit her shaking him!

Why is Midnight the chooser of names, BTW? She appears to have bad taste in names, despite her own decent Hero name, so what gives her the right?

Baby Aizawa and Present Mic! Seriously, Mic should’ve been the one presiding over Hero Names! He gave Aizawa a great one and has one of his own! Seriously, it could’ve been perfect!

Aww someone’s nervous!  (edit: this screencap didn’t quite grab the right moment. Basically, Bakugou looks endearingly nervous in this shot.)

So my thoughts on the names:

Aoyama needs to change his. cantstoptwinkling is too long and unwieldy to be a Hero Name and it sounds ridiculous (he says it in English so I know it isn’t just some weird translation).

This was perfect. Screw you Midnight. Alien Queen should’ve been Ashido’s name.

This one’s nice. People do call her Froppy sometimes. I like too how this beat is played: The first two names make everyone nervous, and Tsu puts them at ease. That seems to be her role in Class 1-A: to help people deal with crisis situations and stress.

Red Riot is another winner. Being derived from another famous name is not a problem; it’s a comic book tradition. Though this does bring up that pesky Imitation theme once more. Kiri wants to be just like Crimson, and that concept gets explored in more depth in the Internship Arc. It makes me wonder if Kiri should switch names to symbolize throwing off that role, or if he should stick with it to symbolize the good Crimson brings to him.

Izuku himself notices the similarities between Kiri’s name and his own fixation with All Might for me so I don’t have to explain it.

Now we are met with the CUTEST FUCKING IMAGE EVER COMMITTED TO SCREEN OR PAPER. DEKU YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS.

Now some snarky Kamijirou content! Someone’s a little bitter about Kaminari getting more draft picks than her, aren’t you? Actually, I feel like there are some similarities between Kamijirou and BKDK - both pairs argue a lot, yet seem to share an odd connection. The diff may be that while Jiro is more like Midoriya in terms of power and personality (she even takes obsessive notes like he does), she’s the one who antagonizes Kaminari. He’s more Kacchan-like, perhaps why he’s friends with the guy, more born-powerful and cocky, but he’s the one who gets messed with. I dunno, interesting connection. 

Probably the coolest sounding of the names that are just ‘my quirk’. Jiro can stick with this one.

Kinda generic but hey, it’s better than Jamming-yay.

Also kinda generic, maybe something that sounds cooler in Japanese, I’m guessing?

Not half bad, but it doesn’t really sound like a hero name.

This one’s a bit generic, but darn it all if it doesn’t sound like a name you’d find in superhero comics.

Ditto.

Triple ditto. Actually a name in Superhero comics. 

This one’s terrible. Mina deserved better.

Hmm...Momo...this isn’t terrible, per se, but I still think Yaoyorozu could have a cooler one.

LOL. Also sad: by rejecting his surname and choosing only his given name, Shoto makes a statement. An “I don’t want to be like my dad” statement.

Good I guess? I do kinda know about this one from reading Naruto. It’s a thing in Japanese that I will probably not get well as a dumb American.

Though to be a smart American for a second: Anima...it sounds like he’s talking about that Joseph Campbell theme on anima/animus, male/female, hero with a thousand faces (Just kidding, it’s short for Animal.)

HAHAHAHA OH KACCHAN YOU ECCENTRIC SHITHEAD. Actually, this one is a pretty clever play on his surname in the original Japanese, “Bakusatsuo”. Someone really likes playing on kanji meaning (Deku), doesn’t he? King Explosion Murder is too long and unwieldy, but I think just “King Explosion” or some similar pun could’ve actually worked fine. Just take out the murder part, dumbass.

My favorite one. Meaning: Her surname, her desire to support her parents. Instantly conveys who she is, what kind of hero she wants to be. Perfect.

OMG IIDA FEELS. This plays into his arc in the next story arc, actually. Iida feels he can’t take the name Ingenium until he has done with Tensei couldn’t: kill Stain. And that is why he’s so fixated on revenge. 

And finally DEKU. Which is, yeah, what we call him...it does sound a little odd as a superhero name, though. This is an Izuocha moment I actually, like, BTW. Just nice wholesome friendship. No weird obsessions or comparisons with serial killers. 

Speaking of Uraraka. The Gunhead Agency! You gotta love that Wonder Duo and how they influence people, huh? One fight with Bakugou and she’s all signed up to go be a DBZ fighter. Also, I can see why Kacchako fans are into that. One of Ochaco’s biggest character shifts, and he inspires it. I can dig.

The #1 hero everybody! Hori does try to give a plausible excuse for why All Might forgot to mention Gran among the People Who Know list...then doesn’t bother with it at all when Nighteye comes up. Ah well. I honestly kinda just want the List of People who Know to keep expanding to comedic levels. “Oh and this is my old exgirlfriend who also knows! And this villain! And this random guy! And maybe your mom!”

Speaking of moms, I’m sure Aizawa officially transforms into Class 1-A’s when he tells Ashido not to slur her words. 

The shipper in me wants to gush about how Izuku and Ochaco went to worry about Iida (Iidaraka!) but more sincerely, I want to quickly comment about how well BNHA handles the Power of Friendship. This trope can be so irritating when done poorly, but the friendship in Hero Aca is actually, in my opinion, really realistic. And the power of it is mainly showcased by how friends can simply support and be there for each other, rather than Friendship is the Allmighty Power of the Universe all Will Bow Down Before it. (And also it’s a thing villains can have! And a thing that can fall apart and be unpleasant!)

ANGRY IIDA!

So yeah I really enjoy this episode. It’s not especially deep or heartbreaking (ASIDE FROM TENSEI!!!!) but it’s an enjoyable watch. I’ve actually watched this one a lot because it’s light and fun and something of a one-off. I wouldn’t claim it’s the Best of HeroAca or anything, but It’s an enjoyable ride. Of course, can’t say I’m not more excited to get to next episode. As a big Deku fan(girl), I can tell you my reactions to that one will be something.

BKDK CORNER

Guess who gets paralleled with Izuku’s love interest once again? Seriously, there are a lot of odd, ongoing parallels between Bakugou and Uraraka with their relationships to Izuku, and I’m not sure why if not for subtext. (I want Bakugo’s Ultimate Hero Name to be a play on his first name too. So both members of Wonder Duo have First Name Puns). The OT3 is strong in this one.

My Deku sense is tingling.

BEST GIRL OF THE EPISODE: Iida Mom! (she only appeared last ep but sh)

RANKER: Class 1-A’s Hero Names

21. Pinky

20. Cantstoptwinkling

19. Creati

18. Tenya

17. Shoto

16. Cellophane

15. Deku

14. Bakusatsuo

13. Tentacole

12. Anima

11. Sugarman

10. Chargebolt

9. Invisible Girl

8. Tailman

7. Alien Queen

6. Earphone Jack

5. Tsukoyomi

4. Froppy

3. Red Riot

2. Ingenium 

1. Uravity! (Congratulations Ochaco, you were the MPV of this ep)

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Forty-Seven: Punch Line ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

People say Uchiha Sasuke can’t take a joke. Well...in most cases, they’d probably be right. It’s a little difficult to maintain a sense of humor after witnessing genocide, training under a killer and defiler of human corpses, and murdering his brother...only to find out he’d been innocent all along. And that doesn’t even get into waging war at seventeen, being granted long-lost powers from the beginning of the shinobi era, and helping to defeat a woman known as a goddess.

But a lot can change in a handful of years. After his loss to Naruto, and a rather shortened trek to see the world...Sasuke returned to Konoha, his revived brother, and his hidden-away cousin. The Uchiha would never again be the mighty clan they once were...but he had more than he’d ever hoped to have come the end of the fourth shinobi war. And after ousting the council, getting his brother pardoned, and ending up an ally of the Hyūga...Sasuke finally started to feel - slowly, at first - like he had a handle on his life. That things...might end up okay.

He still had work to do: regarding himself, regarding his bonds, and regarding his family. The last needed protection, and the first needed some introspection. The middle, well...he wasn’t in any rush to attend to. Naruto and Sakura were still on his bad side after all they did. Ignoring his wishes, invading his time and energy despite his refusals...and then the little incident where - despite knowing of Konoha’s hand in his clan’s slaughter - they continued on their merry little quest to drag him back kicking and screaming. Without any plans or inklings to work on justice for the Uchiha.

...yeah. That was going to take some time to get over.

In fact, for a good long while, Sasuke kept himself almost wholly to his family. Shisui, having been in hiding for over a decade to keep his body out of the wrong hands, had his own share of trauma to take care of. Itachi...well, he had a lot of thinking to do regarding his choices. And Itachi’s little twins were pretty much the center of Sasuke’s world. The first new Uchiha born in over ten years. Half-blood, of course...there was no avoiding that. But to him, that no longer mattered. The odds of growing the Uchiha back into a clan of any great numbers was...pretty much impossible, given the remaining gene pool. But all Sasuke wanted was...his family. Their health, their safety, and their happiness. Even if the blood diluted, and the name faded into obscurity...he had these few pieces to cherish.

And that was enough.

But, eventually...Sasuke was encouraged to ‘branch out’. To attempt to make new bonds, or salvage the ones he’d had. At that point, most of his previous classmates were still walking on eggshells around him at best, and hating him at worst. Naruto and Sakura were...somewhere in the middle.

Oddly enough, the first friend Sasuke ‘made’ after his return to Konoha...was Hyūga Hinata. It was a bit unavoidable, all things considered. No longer heiress, she was instead the middleman between her clan and his. That meant seeing plenty of her...along with their outings with the rest of team seven. Hinata’s friendship with the pair meant she also would get dragged along. Which, honestly...Sasuke appreciated. Given her quiet nature, unobtrusive air, and most importantly her clean slate from before his leaving...he could tolerate her the best out of anyone close to their age. And given her help in arranging Itachi’s pardon and the subsequent challenging of the council, she knew better than most everything his family had suffered...and didn’t judge him the same way the others did.

Which meant that the pair ended up bonding...rather quickly. Their similar base natures meshed well...and the awkwardness they both felt around the other pair was a go-to talking point. Hinata’s jilted feelings and Sasuke’s slowly-easing resentment meant they could commiserate. And not just on that. Their parallels - discovered far too late - meant a great deal of understanding.

It felt so nice to just...talk with someone. Share similarities. Not feel judged or...preyed upon. Everyone else either skirted around him so nervously, or seemed to want something from him. But Hinata did neither. She just...treated him like a person.

And that was so unbelievably refreshing. So much so, he started subconsciously seeking her out. They were fast friends, and when he rebirthed the police force with the Hyūga, she was first in line to sign up, her own path feeling lost and purposeless as his did. As partners, they worked together flawlessly.

So, eventually...it evolved into something a little more.

Something...dangerous.

By then, it was obvious someone - or perhaps an entire organization of someones - was working against the Uchiha. Hinata’s association with them put her life at risk, and he didn’t want to lose her.

But Hinata, as he’d already come to know, was vivaciously stubborn. Better, in her mind, to chase happiness while they could...than regret letting fear deprive them.

So, after some coaxing...he agreed, and they were official.

It took many by surprise. And not everyone was a good sport about it.

Her teammates were immediately defensive: Kiba more so than Shino. Even Naruto - however briefly - had to question it. But in the end, Hinata convinced them all that this was what they both wanted. No one was forced, or coerced...or taking second pickings. They’d really grown to love one another, despite the strange paths their lives had taken up to that point.

...of course...some aren’t quite so nice when it comes to their...disapproval.

“What do you think of this one?”

Eyeing the top Hinata’s agonizing over from a rack in front of her favorite shop, Sasuke replies, “...it suits you.”

“You think?”

“Mm. I like the color. Brings out your eyes.”

In spite of herself, she goes a bit pink, looking back to the shirt before sheepishly looping it over her arm to keep looking.

“Heh...look who it is…”

Knowing that tone despite not facing its host, Sasuke doesn’t react, keeping his back turned as Hinata stiffens just a hair. “Don’t,” he murmurs just for her to hear. “They’ll get bored.”

“The village traitor and his little harlot,” the random naysayers behind them go on. “Can you believe it? This guy commits treason, tries to kill the village hero...and now he’s tainted the princess of the Hyūga. Can’t believe they let him back in here...shoulda let him stay out when he left back then…!”

Hinata glances harshly at them, but Sasuke stops her with a hand on her shoulder. “Leave it. Words are just words. And what’s the opinion of roaches to lions?”

...this time, he doesn’t lower his volume.

Behind him, the pair of men brave enough to badmouth a wielder of the Rinnegan scowl. “Roaches…? Is that what you think?”

Sasuke turns to look at them, expression aloof. “Well, let’s see...you’re small, weak, disgusting, and I could easily crush you under the heel of my boot. An apt enough description, I’d say.”

“Why you -!”

“What happened to leaving it alone?” Hinata mumbles, clearly displeased at the confrontation. “You’re right, Sasuke-kun. They’re not worth it.”

“Ha! Says the woman warming a traitor’s bed!” one calls, pointing accusingly as she glares. “You’re nothing but a joke, Hyūga! You -!”

Flickering in front of the man in question, Sasuke pauses for a moment, watching him recoil in surprise. “...you want to know my favorite part about jokes…?” he murmurs, expression lax and tone utterly calm.

The pair of them, bravado suddenly lost, quail as his Sharingan spins menacingly. And then, to everyone’s surprise...he smiles.

But it’s a wicked, ‘gotcha’ sort of smile.

With a swing of his right arm, he nails one man in the gut before crossing over with his left and knocking the other square in the jaw. Both crash into the wall behind them, dazed and crumpling.

Sasuke nonchalantly shakes out his fists...but neither really feel a thing. “The punch line,” he then spits, giving them one last glower before turning back to his girlfriend.

Hinata blinks. “...did...did you just make a joke…?”

“...did I?”

“...you did. And it was a pun.”

That earns a sigh. “...don’t tell Shisui. He’d never let it go.”

“I d-don’t think he’d even believe me.”

                                                            .oOo.

     ...welp, after a long day including a several-hour stomach ache...this isn't my best work xD The beginning is a little snarky, which is a bit odd for me. But I won't lie...I really like the ending, bahaha - it was what I thought as soon as I saw the prompt. It just...took some time to get there.      Witnessing Sasuke making a pun is like seeing Bigfoot. You can tell everyone you saw it, but...no one will believe you. Because, like Bigfoot, Sasuke's sense of humor is only a myth.      ...can you tell I'm tired? xD      Anyway, I am...exhausted, so best to end it there before /I/ make any more bad jokes lol - thanks for reading!

[neighbours-kid]

A Very Whovian February

Here we go again, another month over already. To nobody’s surprise whatsoever, I have continued watching way too many movies and tv show episodes in February as well. There weren’t as much as in January because university started again, but there were some. It totals in at 3 movies, 1 musical, and 116 episodes of tv. I was a bit heavy on the shows this month, less so on the movies, as you can see.

February is always a….peculiar month, if you will. It’s short, it’s half holiday and half university, it’s sort of winter but not anymore, and just really weird. What was particularly strange about this month however, was that even though I sort of committed myself to binging through Money Heist once more—and managed three episodes—I quickly went back on that decision and made another, rather bigger commitment: I decided to re-watch and finally catch up on Doctor Who. No one was more surprised at this decision than me, I believe.

I used to love this show, I used to talk about little else. Doctor Who dominated big parts of my interests for a few years. Through a combination of my brother watching the show and me discovering tumblr, I started watching it in 2012. That was right at the end of ninth grade and the beginning of grammar school. I was 16. I was awful. I talked about it constantly, and especially after I “converted” a friend and she ended up watching it too, it was a constant stream of talking about Doctor Who, always, all the time, everywhere. Which I now understand is annoying as hell. However, back then? People being annoyed with it and sort of shaming me for it? That—and the show losing what made me love it mostly through Moffat taking over—made me stop watching it. At some point I just—stopped. I didn’t talk about it, didn’t think about it much anymore, unfollowed a lot of blogs on tumblr who posted about it, and turned my interests elsewhere. I abandoned it.

For a while there it was also just a thing that I didn’t wanna touch. I watched it in a part of my life where I was awful and toxic and just not a really fun human being to be around, I think. At least I don’t look back at this time all too fondly. It was just part of a person who I wasn’t anymore, who I grew out of, grew up from, and largely also moved on from. It was a strange time. But it was always sort of at the back of my mind as something that I loved, something that brought me great joy and parts of which I really missed deep down. Once I got a Netflix account and it kept appearing in my suggestions, my resolve to not go back to it started to crumble and I ultimately decided that I could learn to love this show again and maybe be better about it this time around. And I also just really wanted to give Peter and Jodie a chance, because no matter how good or bad the stories are, taking on a role like the Doctor is a feat, and I want to give them the opportunity to impress me and make me like them.

Watching that very first episode of Chris Eccleston’s arc at the beginning of this month felt very similar to when I completely re-read all of Naruto last Spring. It felt like coming home, like re-discovering a long lost love. And I am loving it. I am enjoying this tremendously. The monsters are ridiculous, the CGI is hilariously bad, the masks and make-up are insanely cool, the stories are simple and honest and lovely and I just adore it so much. Russel T. Davis was such a wonderful show runner, his vision for the show was so….lovely and simple and human. There were so many brilliant moments in the first four seasons, the companions were fascinating and conflicting and challenging and the Doctor was fantastic and brilliant. And even now that I have already binged through most of Matt’s arc as well, I still appreciate this show. The first time around, I think, I wasn’t too fond of Matt as the Doctor because I really loved David and his take on it, but this time, I am really enjoying Matt’s way of navigating that sort of dichotomy of darkness and ridiculousness that the Doctor has. Matt is fun. David is still my absolute favourite, but I am enjoying Matt tremendously as well. The CGI might have gotten better, the stories bigger and bolder, and, what I felt the first time around, maybe lost a bit of it’s simple and human aspects, but it is still a show that makes you keep thinking, what if?

If you know me you know that I often say the words “ugh I hate people”. I hold the opinion on most days that we, humans, are the worst and we’re being for the most part terrible to ourselves, our environment, and that Earth would be better off if we all just died. However, on odd days in between, I am also like insanely fascinated by humans and by what we can do and who we are and all that. Watching nearly seven seasons of Doctor Who in one month and seeing the world and humans through the Doctor’s eyes, raised those odd days in between to a level able to compete with my humans-suck days. It’s basically 50/50 now, to be honest. If you boil my entire life down to a single conflict it’s that of HUMANS SUCK WE’RE THE WORST and HUMANS MY DUDE HUMANS WE HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL. Basically. Combine this binge-watch with the Opportunity Rover dying and you have me sobbing in a corner filled with hope for humanity and the need to change the world, because we could.

Oh.

Well.

Look at that. This is supposed to be a recap slash diary entry about this month and I have already spent all this time talking about Doctor Who. Can you imagine how annoying I was when I watched it the first time? Yeeeaaaah.

Anyway.

Watching Doctor Who was not actually the only thing I did in this month. I did a lot of procrastinating on a paper about witchcraft in Dutch art which I then finally finished the day before I had to hand it in, started university back up again in the middle of it, helped some friends on their moving day, hung out with other friends, went to a birthday, and, y’know, did things human beings do.

But—and I’m going back to Doctor Who again, sort of, I am so sorry—I also read a book. And not just some book. It was Good Omens by the two amazing gentlemen Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Watching four seasons of David Tennant being amazing on Doctor Who also made me re-discover my adoration for him. Not that I didn’t already know that, I mean I did just watch him in Broadchurch. He is just great and I love watching him in things. And then he started a podcast (David Tennant Does A Podcast With…, it’s amazing, you should all listen to it) and he’s on radio shows promoting it and he is just ever present. And there was press and information and stuff going around for the tv adaption of Good Omens in which David plays Crowley, so he was just constantly on my mind. So I said to myself, hell yes, you need to re-read Good Omens before the show comes out in May, so why not do that now. And I did. And it was fantastic. And because I am me, and I am weird, I forced myself to stretch the last 100 pages of the book over an entire week, so I could walk into every first session of classes at university reading this book (four of which being theology classes, which was very important for me to be reading this book in). I needed to mark my place as resident weirdo, because who else could it be?

So, in summary, I guess my month could also be called “David Tennant February”. I watch Doctor Who nearly every evening, listen to David’s podcast every Tuesday, think about Good Omens every day—yeah, February was very heavy on the David Tennant content. I am not complaining.

To end this on a less David Tennant-y note, and a more “these things actually happened this month” bit, February has also been a month of, I don’t know, resurrection? Is that a good word? Anyway—February has brought out (or back) more of who I truly am again. Most of it is the weather (thanks climate change, I’m sorry the planet is dying), the sun being out, the temperatures already clocking in above 10 degrees celsius. I am enjoying it tremendously. I am convinced that I might be half-plant because the sun just revitalises me so strongly. Seasonal depression just goes down the gutter once the sun is out and I can feel the warmth of Spring on my skin. I am alive. Another thing is that I stopped, just really stopped giving a shit at university about other people and what they think. I am using all the bathrooms, no matter what. I am going by Alex even in German classes. I don’t apologise for anything or justify my actions. I don’t care anymore. What I do care about, is that I finally got a date for my consultation with a psychiatrist here in the city. I am partially excited and happy about it, however I also, as soon as I opened the envelope, felt completely numb and detached because the date is in June and that’s still so far off, which I guess I knew would be the case, but having confirmation for it, was just a bit…much, I think. Knowing that my future is in the hands of other people is not a thought I like very much and having to wait for other people to have time for me in that perspective is just not a fun thing. But we’ll get there. Eventually.

I don’t know guys, this post is just full on stream of consciousness, just me blabbing on and on about things that I don’t think anybody really cares about. But like I said last time, this is supposed to be a sort of diary entry for my garbage brain to remember what I did in my life, so y’know, this is valid.

I’ll talk to y’all in a month. Be good out there, guys. Be good.

Bye.