#haha for real? fuck biden. but fuck people who cant be assed to play the objective more.

[bleuberrygliscor]

Alot of people are misunderstanding and misrepresenting the “vote for biden” pleas, so allow me to break it down really easily with one of my personal favorite pastimes, Splatoon.

If you’ve never played, Splatoon is a game where you basically want to cover an entire map with your ink color in 4 v 4 groups. For the sake of ease, I am using the most evenly square map i can think of, Kelp Dome. (all of the splatoon maps are super even and symmetrical,  Kelp Dome is just the first square and flat map i can think of.)

The way this works is, You and your team of 3 other people are assigned a color. and you want that color to hold the majority of the map, or else you lose. You dont want purple to win, they are the opposing team. Your objective is to make sure team purple does not win. So you pick up your splattershot and get to inking.

Assuming everyone is using the same weapon and are decently good at the game, you would come out with something like this.

In practice it wouldnt be this clear cut(and judd would arbitrarily assign a winner at random), but hear me out. That is what a map looks like when everyone on your team works together to accomplish the goal. Everyone is playing the objective here. Every member inked two squares! Fantastic. We all did our part.

Now, youve done your part but you really hated it, who can blame you. You dont like the color Lime Green. You were hoping green would be like a forest green or more a true deep green and not this lime monstrosity you were assigned. You find another teammate has the same feeling, they hate lime green. Absolutely detest it. Did you hear what lime green said the other day? fuck that guy am I right? “ Fuck it,” you say “I refuse to play lime green! We’re going to play Sky Blue instead!” You and your teammate swap colors and sneer at the other two who are sticking with lime green. You play the match.

Whops! You and your teammate played just as good as you did last game! You covered your two squares! What the hell happened?? Well, because you and your teammate decided to swap parties colors in the middle of the election season match, youve split the ink. It became a two vs two vs four. Team Purple was banded together, they had four people covering their turf. Meanwhile you had to fight with Lime Green AND Purple to keep your Sky Blue on the map.

“Well why didnt the rest of Team Lime Green also change their colors?!” your teammate asks.

“well, why did you change yours?” a player from Lime asks you, “We were all Lime Green before the match started, What happened?”

You dig your heels and rattle off the list, noting all the terrible things Lime Green has done, both in the past and the recent present. the Lime Green team members nod and ask “Have you seen what Purple is doing though? Like now, in office? Lime Green has done some seriously gross stuff, we dont deny that, but you would need to convince 60-75% of the country to suddenly change their outlook on life within a few months. Lime Green is the only actual option we have at this point. We can change colors after the match, but right now we need to focus on beating purple right?”

You dont find that answer satisfying. You dont want someone who has done all the terrible things Lime Green has running your country. You dont want Purple either. Both options are terrible! Both colors are horrible and ugly. They're right though, sky blue cant win, not with just the two of you painting your hardest. So If your color cant win, and you are forced to choose between Racist Rapist Lime Green or Racist Rapist Purple, how can you morally choose?

“You know what? fuck this!” you say, tossing your splattershot to the side, “Why do I have to vote play either way? One of these disgusting colors will win anyway, why do I care who wins? I just wont play, theres no point.”

you leave the arena with your Sky-blue teammate, watching from the sidelines...

...as team Purple Slaughters team Lime Green. (in splatoon, the map would look alot less like that, and alot more like this:

“serves them right for not picking Sky blue.”  you say and your blue teammate nods along. Team Lime green has lost. Team Sky blue has ALSO lost. Team purple has won. You chose not to play the objective.