#had to bring back my old format for these for the season!

[stars-n-spice]

Boys and girls of every age, wouldn’t you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see–a family struggle to get ready for Halloween. Or the fic in which the Bad Batch holds their annual Halloween party at their ranch for all their friends and family.

Chapter One: In the Morning

The time had come again, Halloween was here and the Halloween festivities were in full swing at the Bad Batch Ranch. In the week leading up to Halloween, the Ranch held its annual pumpkin patch, complete with a petting zoo, a corn maze, and a tractor ride for anyone and everyone who stopped by to visit. It was a town favorite attraction, one that many looked forward to during the holiday season and that the Batchers didn’t mind putting on, even if it was a lot of work. 

However, this just meant that when Halloween rolled around, they were a little more exhausted than most, but that didn’t stop them from hosting for friends and family. Every year, they would throw a big party and invite everyone they could for some tricks and treats. These parties, of course, were as delightful as they were chaotic and the preparations were no different. 

Like most days, Hunter was the first to wake up, out of habit and having responsibilities to tend to, and made his rounds around the ranch while totally not getting caught off guard and spooked by some of the decorations they had set up around. If he nearly had a heart attack when an animatronic on the porch turned on when he walked out of the farmhouse or if he tripped over some misplaced jack-o-lanterns and fell face first into fake cobwebs, that was nobody’s business. But at least he was awake now. 

By the time he made it back to the farmhouse, done with his morning routine, Echo and Wrecker were already up, the other two early birds in the family. Wrecker was busy making coffee while Echo was starting on breakfast, the smell of pumpkin spice filling the kitchen. 

“Mornin’ Hunter!” Wrecker greeted, cheerful as ever even in the early hours of the morning. 

Hunter gave a nod of acknowledgment and a smile as he walked over, “Morning.” 

“What happened to your face?” Echo questioned, raising an eyebrow and lifting a spatula up to Hunter’s face as he approached. 

Hunter blinked, stopping in his tracks as he brought a hand up to his face, feeling around for what Echo could be talking about, only to smear some dirt and fake cobwebs across it. 

“What do you mean?” Hunter murmured, tilting his head as he pulled the cobwebs out of his hair and quickly tossed them aside. He felt the tips of his ears burn as he realized what Echo was talking about. Maybe nobody saw his embarrassing morning mishaps, but the aftermath was probably evident on his face.

“Looks like you got into a fight with Spider-Man,” Wrecker snorted with a grin, his eyes shining with amusement as Hunter flicked away the fake cobwebs. 

Echo chuckled at Wrecker’s comment and turned back to the stove, “Did you at least win?”

Hunter rolled his eyes and huffed, “Very funny…” 

Echo and Wrecker shared a laugh, and Hunter couldn’t help but smile faintly at the teasing, used to it by now. He ran a hand through his hair, getting rid of the last of the cobwebs before he walked over to see what Echo was making. 

“I did win, for your information,” He joked, leaning against the counter as he watched Echo flip pumpkin flavored pancakes made to look like jack-o-lanterns with chocolate chips, “The others not up yet?”

Echo chuckled softly at Hunter’s comment about winning before he shook his head, “Not yet. I’m thinking about giving them another thirty minutes or so before waking them up.”

Hunter glanced over at the clock on the wall as he hummed, thirty minutes didn’t seem like a bad amount of time to let the others sleep in, any other day Hunter would’ve given them some more time, but today was Halloween. And they had a lot to do. 

“Seems reasonable enough,” Hunter nodded, thanking Wrecker as he handed him a mug of coffee and getting a grin in response, “Everything set for later tonight?”

Echo sighed and shrugged, “Should be. There’s the usual stuff we have to take care of beforehand, but you know how this usually goes.” 

“Ah,” Hunter muttered, knowing what Echo was talking about as he took a sip of coffee. He smacked his lips and looked down at the mug, frowning a little. Pumpkin spice. Damn. 

He set the mug aside and decided to preoccupy himself with setting up the table for breakfast while Wrecker moved to help Echo out with breakfast, pulling out a pan and getting some bacon from the fridge. Little conversations about the upcoming day flowed between the brothers, with Wrecker being excited for the party and Echo nervous about making sure the preparations leading up to it would go smoothly, though Hunter knew that was likely not going to be the case. The day things went smoothly for them would be the second coming of Christ. 

Soon, breakfast was nearly finished and the table was set, thirty minutes had passed and since then Omega had joined them, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she greeted her family with her usual cheeriness, clearly excited for the upcoming holiday celebrations. She chatted eagerly with them as they got breakfast ready, a blanket wrapped around her, making her look like a classic bedsheet ghost, until Hunter asked her to go and wake up Crosshair and Tech. The two night owls were a little more likely to wake up and actually get out of bed when it was Omega waking them up, as much as they hated waking up as early as eight in the morning. 

After some convincing and the promising smell of the pumpkin spiced pancakes and coffee (a flavor Crosshair would never admit to liking, though it was obvious he did), the twins joined the rest of their family at the breakfast table complete with their curly bed head, untouched by a straightener, and tired eyes. 

Once everyone was settled in and mid-way through eating their breakfast, Echo decided to get to business. Clearing his throat he looked to the others as they happily ate away, enjoying their bacon and jack-o-lantern pumpkins, “So, today’s Halloween-” 

READ THE REST ON AO3! >>

[kiisaes]

tell us about vld 👁️

(only if u want to)

i'll spare you a truly unhinged ranting for perhaps another time (even though this is gonna be long anyway) but tldr: vld is a show that could have been really good if it just stuck to its direction from the first two seasons!!! and also if its crew didn't accidentally breed the worst possible fandom ever!!!

it had a really good identity at the start— its characters were entertaining, its art and animation were charming if anything, the VAs were genuinely excellent picks and in terms of story it was simple (considering it's a kids show) but effective. the first two seasons focused on one-off, character-driven episodes that gave room for a lot of character writing, team bonding, and tone establishment. i believe that the reason why vld shipping was already so aggressive since s1 — without crew interference — was because the character writing was like, actually good. good enough where people could take their starting characterizations + team dynamic and run wild with it

vld was never going to be an enlightening, mature, groundbreaking show about anything super deep; it's a Y7 show about robot lions in space. but i'm sure most ppl going into vld didn't expect a piece of art, they just wanted to have fun with an atla-adjacent show, or they watched previous voltron iterations. and for what it was, it was very successful at the start! and one of the more popular netflix originals at its time!

but then vld tried taking itself more seriously in s3, and changed its primary storytelling method. now the episodes weren't usually problem-of-the-week, but each episode's plot had to feed into the next episode in line. which would've been fine, if the crew planned ahead and kept track of its characters and plot

but since the lion switch was also conveniently during this season (which inevitably implied switches in character arcs), keeping track of everything suddenly got way harder. also, the lion switch was ass. breaking my silence: that shit made no sense. why didn't they make allura the black paladin??? why do all those mental gymnastics with moving keith from red to black and lance from blue to red just to give allura blue, which was a lion that didn't even really fit her??? (i know the reason was cuz dotf did this lion placement, but is vld dotf? are the characters archetypes the same? no? i didn't think so!!!)

anyway because of the new serialized storytelling format, vld had to follow this really serious, high-stakes, even occasionally dark narrative to keep viewers engaged, and it just .. wasn't the same? like not only are characters' arcs dropping like flies, we're introducing new characters with barely any development or even personality, and it's not even that fun to watch anymore. what happened to my silly guys. what happened to goofin off in the castle. what happened to episode-long missions. this is not avatar. if i wanted to watch avatar i would just watch avatar.

and! in later seasons i think the crew caught on to how fans loveddd the episodic narratives in s1 and 2, so they tried bringing back one-off lighthearted episodes (dnd episode, game show episode, clear day episode, etc.) in an attempt to relive the old glory— and they were fun to watch on their own, sure, but were completely detached from the rest of the story atp. literally the only reason why i even remember these episodes is because they weren't a part of the narrative's incomprehensible sludge

don't even get me started on how the crew hated its audience. don't get me started on the ship bait, the weird canon queerbait situation(s), the irresponsible encouragement of parasocial fan relationships with VAs, artists, creators, you name it. it's how we got one of The worst fandoms in recent history. it's how vld was one of the newer fandoms that started an whole new era of fandom etiquette — namely, disregarding all previous fandom norms in favor of the most childish, pearl-clutching, moral-panicky discourse you'd find daily, and consequently you wouldn't EVER dare bring up to a normal person who exists in the real world.

the crew hated its audience so much, it essentially punished its fans by shutting down all fan theories, purposefully writing AROUND plot twists THEY SET UP, leaving a really messy and plot-hole-filled final script. they especially hated the shippers so much that they shut down BOTH main camps — klance and sheith — for canon allurance, a truly horrible way to end both their character arcs since neither character gets all that satisfying of a conclusion (lance becomes a farmer, allura fucking dies)

this is already long enough but i hope this gives you a general idea :') i have so many emotions about vld. someday i'll make the retrospective video essay of my dreams. this was my nonstop fixation for two straight years. i wasted two years on this shit.

also this show's 8 seasons were released all in a span of 2 and a half years.

[pizzaqueen]

Steve Harrington time stamps

For when you just want to watch Steve’s scenes

I had the idea to do this during my current rewatch thanks to @harmonictechnicality (who was very happy for me to post this) and then @al-ghoul sent me his timestamps so a HUGE thank you there!

Oh, and @faequeentitania has a supercut of all of Eddie's scenes (link is in their bio) so I didn’t add Eddie’s time stamps to this post

My original intention was to not post this until it was completely done, but I honestly don't have much energy right now, so there are only time stamps up to S04E05. But I do intend to finish it one day! (If anyone wants to help out with the remaining ones, that would be great.) You can also see where the formatting changes and that's where I stopped typing up my notes and just used what @al-ghoul sent me, but I do want to reformat it so it's uniform, and add in songs used for his scenes, but I just wanted to get this out there

And I want to say sorry if someone has already done something like this in the meantime! I tried searching but Tumblr search isn't great

SEASON ONE

Chapter One: The Vanishing of Will Byers

14:54 - 16:07 Steve’s first appearance in his rendezvous with Nancy in the bathroom

37:59 - 38:42 Mike sees Steve trying to climb through Nancy’s window

41:04 - 43:12 helping Nancy study

Chapter Two: The Weirdo on Maple Street

12:26 - 14:04 asking Nancy to the party at his house (mention of his parents); the scene cuts to Nancy and Jonathan at 13:20 but you can still see Steve in the background until 14:04

38:17 - 38:37 opening the door for Nancy and Barb (song: Raise a Little Hell by Trooper*)

43:06 - 45:39 pool scene with the drinking, etc., with Tommy H, Carol, Nancy and Barb (song: I Melt With You by Modern English)

49:18 - 49:40 drying off and going upstairs

50:22 - 51:18 we see Steve and Nancy through the window from Jonathan’s POV then it cuts to inside Steve’s room

52:36 - 52:50 getting hot and heavy with Nancy (song: tiniest snippet of the opening strains of Hazy Shade of Winter by The Bangles)

*seems to be playing inside Steve’s house because it’s muffled and gets louder when he opens the doors

Chapter Three: Holly, Jolly

00:40 - 1:50 sleeping with Nancy, intercut with Barb being killed (song: Waiting for a Girl Like You by Foreigner)

3:03 - 3:50 Nancy tries to wake Steve, then leaves

10:16 - 11:11 at Nancy’s locker

20:48 - 21:56 cafeteria with Tommy H, Carol and Nancy

30:07 - 32:16 confronting Jonathan about photos

36:01 - 36:43 waiting for the game in the hallway with Tommy H, Carol and Nancy; Nancy leaves

Chapter Four: The Body

13:16 - 14:30 meeting Nancy between buildings; asks her not to tell the cops about the beer (mention of parents)

Chapter Five: The Flea and the Acrobat

25:47 - 27:51 Steve shows up at Nancy’s to say sorry and invite her to the movies (mention of parents; song: Steve singing a bit of Old Time Rock and Roll)

Chapter Six: The Monster

3:29 - 4:45 driving to Nancy’s with Tommy H and Carol; sees Jonathan and Nancy on bed through window (song: Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart*)

30:46 - 33:18 alley fight with Jonathan

* playing on the car stereo

Chapter Seven: The Bathtub

14:21 - 16:00 Tommy brings Steve a can of Coke and painkillers; Steve has fight with Tommy and Carol then drives off

18:40 - 19:21 offers to help scrub graffiti off cinema marquee

Chapter Eight: The Upside Down

14:42 - 17:03 comes to Jonathan’s to say sorry; gets introduced to the upside down shenanigans

18:53 - 22:00 Nancy gives Steve an out; he runs, then he comes back (it cuts to Hopper and Joyce at 21:18 for a couple of seconds)

22:27 - 23:50 following the lights with Nancy and Jonathan that Joyce and Hopper are lighting up as they go through the UD version (intercut with scenes of Joyce and Hopper)

48:01 - 48:24 epilogue snuggling on couch with Nancy in Christmas sweater

SEASON TWO

Chapter One: Madmax

12:13 - 14:02 Nancy looking over Steve’s essay in the car outside the school (song: Talking in Your Sleep by The Romantics)

20:09 - 20:38 waiting by the corner in the hallway to pick Nancy up and twirl her around by the lockers

31:38 - 33:50 dinner with Nancy at Barb’s parents

Chapter Two: Trick or Treat, Freak

15:58 - 19:22 studying in the library with Nancy/Steve is worried about the government if they talk too much about what happened and suggests going to party and pretend everything is normal (between 17:15 to 17:36 it cuts to Nancy thinking she sees Barb)

31:23 - 32:17 Tommy H and Billy come over while Steve is with Nancy at the party; Tommy H: “We’ve got a new keg king, Harrington.” (Song: Shout at the Devil by Mötley Crüe)

42:03 - 44:14 dancing with Nancy (song Girls on Film by Duran Duran)/spills drink on her/bathroom ‘bullshit’ scene

Chapter Three: The Pollywog

19:11 - 21:14 playing basketball against Billy (Song: Go! By Tones on Tail) and talking with Nancy between the buildings

Chapter Four: Will the Wise

16:23 - 17:53 basketball again (Song: Scarface (Push it to the Limit) from Scarface) and the shower scene with Tommy H and Billy

Chapter Five: Dig Dug

35:17 - 35:52 shows up to Nancy’s with flowers and is waylaid by Dustin

Chapter Six: The Spy

00:51 - 3:43 In car with Dustin (song: Hammer to Fall by Queen*) going to kill Dart with bat

12:39 - 13:06 bringing meat with Dustin

24:51 - 27:34 laying trap for Dart with Dustin (meat on the railroad tracks) and talking about girls

31:48 - 32:37 at the junkyard with Dustin

33:10 - 33:21 at the junkyard with Dustin, Lucas and Max

35:27 - 35:38 fortifying the bus/setting stuff up at the junkyard

35:49 - 36:02 pouring gasoline

36:48 - 37:01 going into the bus

37:44 - 38:24 inside the bus; flicking the lighter

40:46 - 45:06 demodogs appear; Steve goes out as bait/to fight them

* playing on the car stereo

Chapter Seven: The Lost Sister

Doesn’t appear in this episode

Chapter Eight: The Mind Flayer

08:35 - 10:33 walking from the junk yard with kids at night, looking for Dart on the train tracks

13:27 - 13:56 in front of Hawkins lab; meet up with Nancy and Jonathan

15:15 - 15:45 in front of the lab

16:15 - 16:21 gate opens

21:58 - 22:22 waiting at gate; Hopper picks them up

23:06 - 23:42 at the Byers’

24:43 - 29:03 in Byers’ kitchen; Steve is in and out of the frame/sometimes in the background

29:23 - 29:55 duct-taping the shed with Nancy

31:51 - 32:07 finishing the shed with everyone

33:05 - 33:10 practicing with a bat at Byers'

34:32 - 34:35 blinking lights at Byers’

38:52 - 39:16 morse code

40:31 - 40:56 “close gate”

41:31 - 41:37 hearing demodogs

42:15 - 44:34 preparing to fight/El arrives

S02E09:

00:07:23 Steve (at Byers with everyone) (00:08:03)

00:09:08 Steve (at Byers backyard with Nancy) (00:10:02)

00:10:50 Steve (on the Byers porch with kids) (00:11:06)

00:15:22 Steve (putting demodog in the fridge) (00:15:57)

00:16:17 Steve (at the Byers with the kids / Billy arrives) (00:19:09)

00:19:47 Steve (fighting Billy) (00:21:02)

00:24:41 Steve (waking up in the car with Max) (00:25:54)

00:26:43 Steve (arriving to the tunnels) (00:28:17)

00:30:00 Steve (at the tunnels) (00:31:42)

00:33:40 Steve (torching the tunnels while Will burns) (00:34:43)

00:36:52 Steve (running through the tunnels) (00:36:59)

00:38:00 Steve (freeing Mike / meeting Dart) (00:39:38)

00:40:16 Steve (running out of the tunnels) (00:41:19)

00:43:40 Steve (gate closed) (00:43:44)

00:45:19 Steve (at the Barb's funeral) (00:45:27)

00:48:51 Steve (driving Dustin to the Snow Ball) (songs: Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar and Twist of Fate by Olivia Newton-John*) (00:50:10)

*both are playing inside the Snow Ball Edit: actually the Pat Benatar song seems to be coming from his car on re-watching 😅 it definitely sounded like from inside the building to me before but now it doesn’t

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S03E01:

00:09:15 Steve (letting the kids through Scoops Ahoy back door) (00:09:40)

00:10:46 Steve (lights go out) (00:11:01)

00:12:12 Steve (lights go back) (00:12:18)

00:24:42 Steve (Scoops Ahoy with Robin, hitting on ladies) (00:26:46)

S03E02:

00:10:15 Steve (Scoops Ahoy with Dustin) (00:12:34)

00:17:52 Steve (translating Russian with Dustin) (00:19:24)

00:35:27 Steve (Robin translated first Russian) (00:35:54)

00:41:26 Steve (mall after hours with Robin and Dustin) (00:43:37)

S03E03:

00:17:23 Steve (spying for spies in the mall with Dustin) (00:19:19)

00:27:12 Steve (found a sport fitness "spy" with Dustin) song: Wake Me Up Before you Go-Go by Wham!* (00:28:32)

00:29:20 Steve (with Dustin returning to Scoop Ahoy) (00:29:26)

00:30:03 Steve (Robin cracked the code) (00:30:12)

00:39:20 Steve (in the rain looking at delivery) (00:40:30)

*playing in the jazzercise class

S03E04:

00:09:04 Steve (Scoops Ahoy, devising a plan) 00:10:08

00:21:14 Steve (Robin brings Starcourt blueprints) (00:22:58)

00:24:32 Steve (bringing Erica into the plan) (00:25:11)

00:34:51 Steve (Erica goes into the vent) (00:35:05)

00:36:22 Steve (Erica got to the room) (00:37:00)

00:40:28 Steve (opening the boxes with the team Scoops) (00:42:08)

S03E05:

00:00:07 Steve (the elevator room falling) (00:01:58)

00:16:25 Steve (stuck in / getting out of the elevator room) (00:19:46)

00:25:19 Steve (walking the tunnel) (00:27:16)

00:34:40 Steve (finding the russian base / fighting the guard) (00:37:01)

00:37:21 Steve (Robin found The Machine) (00:38:21)

S03E06:

00:00:14 Steve (being apprehended by russians) (00:01:48)

00:17:12 Steve (being beaten up / questioned by the russians) (00:20:21)

00:31:06 Steve (tied to a chair with Robin) (00:35:58)

00:45:25 Steve (truth serum kicks in / Dustin saves them) (00:48:50)

S03E07:

00:06:31 Steve (Dustin is driving away through the tunnel / elevator) (00:08:45)

00:13:13 Steve (running from the mall guards into the cinema) (00:14:04)

00:14:30-32 / 00:14:41-44 (tweedldee and tweedledum in the cinema)

00:23:19 Steve (drunk with Robin in the cinema hallway) (00:25:08)

00:28:27 Steve (confesses Robin in the cinema restroom) (00:35:02)

00:39:07 Steve (sneaking out of the restroom) (00:40:03)

00:48:50 Steve (hiding from mall guards under the counter) (00:49:16)

00:49:41 Steve (El defeated the guards) (00:50:51)

00:51:09-14 Steve (El collapses)

S03E08:

00:00:36 Steve (Eleven's fucked up leg) 00:01:25

00:02:50 Steve (El pulls the Flayer out of the leg) (00:03:16)

00:04:28 Steve (everyone is catching up on things) (00:05:11)

00:06:34 Steve (hanging around while everyone prepares) (00:06:43)

00:07:40 Steve (driving away from the mall) (00:08:10)

00:13:32 Steve (driving kids to the radio hill) (00:14:42)

00:17:50 Steve (on the radio hill) (00:18:19)

00:24:19 Steve (on the radio hill, Flayer attacks Starcourt) (00:25:12)

00:26:03 Steve (on the radio hill running back to the car) (00:26:14)

00:32:54 Steve (hitting Billy's car at Starcourt, Nancy's driving away) 00:33:35

00:34:39 Steve (Flayer pursues the car, Suzie appears) (00:34:50)

00:35:49-53 Steve (in the car while Dustin sings over the radio)

00:36:28-31 Steve (in the car while Dustin and Suzie both singing)

00:38:04 Steve (in the car while Flayer goes back to Starcourt)

00:42:29-34 Steve (throwing fireworks at the Flayer in the mall)

00:43:03-04 Steve (keeps throwing)

00:44:16-22 Steve (on the radio with Dustin)

00:50:33 Steve (Flayer disassembles) (00:50:43)

00:54:58-01 Steve (at the ER car in the background)

00:56:44 Steve (arriving with Robin at the Family Video for a job) (00:58:04)

00:58:55 Steve (bumping into the cardboard figure) (00:59:12)

--------------------------------------------------------

S04E01:

00:15:24 Steve (in car with Robin) (00:16:58)

00:54:43 Steve (with Brenda at basketball game) (00:56:24)

S04E02:

00:07:56 Steve (at Family Video with Robin) (00:09:49)

00:28:13 Steve (at Family Video with Max & Dustin) (00:29:06)

00:44:58 Steve (at Family Video flirting / searching for Rick) (00:47:43)

01:01:45 Steve/Eddie (at Reefer Rick's) (01:06:14)

01:07:22 Eddie, Steve (talks about Chrissy / Vecna revealed) (01:12:30)

S04E03:

00:12:28 Eddie, Steve (receiving supplies at Rick's) (00:14:23)

00:15:14 Steve (at Fred's crime scene) (00:15:29)

00:25:29 Steve (with kids and Nancy discussing Vecna) (00:28:12)

00:38:21 Steve (outside shrink's house in the car) (00:39:28)

00:41:22 Steve (driving away from the shrink) (00:41:33)

00:42:00 Steve (driving the car while Lucas radioes) (00:42:43)

00:50:53 Steve (breaking into school shrink's office at night) (00:51:38)

00:55:54 Steve (at the shrink's office) (00:56:53)

S04E04:

00:02:09 Steve (school after Max's episode, Nancy and Robin arrive) (00:04:50)

00:07:29 Steve (the Wheeler's house - Max writes letters, Nancy and Robin arrive) (00:10:44)

00:17:35 Steve (Max finished the letters, wants to go) (00:20:04)

00:31:33 Steve (driving Max to the trailer park) (00:31:53)

00:34:35-49 Steve (Max returns to the car)

00:48:17 Steve (driving Max to the cemetery) (00:49:00)

01:02:32 Steve (going for Max at the cemetery) (01:03:04)

01:03:17 Steve (trying to wake Max up) (01:03:35)

01:04:58-07 Steve (with Dustin and Lucas trying to wake Max up)

01:09:01-12 Steve (Dustin brings music to Max)

01:10:45 Steve (everyone searching for the tape) (01:11:06)

01:11:50-00 Steve (Max flies)

01:13:43 Steve (Max is out) (01:14:14)

S04E05:

00:14:32 Steve (sleeping in Wheeler's basement) (00:14:38)

00:36:19 Steve (arriving at Creel's house with everyone) (00:40:06)

00:49:55 Steve (checking Creel's house with DNR) (00:52:36)

[lemotmo]

I messaged and asked if I could share these before sending this to you just to be sure! But I thought I would share her first Tommy post. She's had a couple of messages about how she was clearly never really pro Tommy. She was, but it was always with a for now kind of narrative. But I thought some people would like to see it. It's favorable to Tommy so no one freak out because it's OLD. We are all aware of her feelings on the matter now. It's her first Tommy post following 7x4 but it's pretty clear what she's actually excited about though. I'm also attaching the post she made following the season finale because it's a mood and sums up most everyone's opinions of that episode nicely. Hopefully the way I had to copy them doesn't format weird. Enjoy!

That episode was heaven. An absolutely beautiful, perfectly Buck episode. I'm going to fawn for a few minutes and then I'm going to overthink some things,lol. First things first Tommy is just fun. What a great first relationship for Buck. No pressure, just lighthearted goodness. He deserves to have the best time and Tommy seems like a great way for him to explore this new reality. He can stay for a while. I won't lie, his face doesn't do much for me personally, but overall I get the appeal and I hope Buck has a blast. Seriously though they did such a good job bringing him into the mix. I'm genuinely stunned. He works and it didn't require a whole lot of effort to make him work. I am thoroughly impressed. And on a completely shallow note that was a spectacular first kiss. Well done all the way around. I'm so overwhelmed and impressed by the entire episode. Bravo to all! Our little Buckley is canonically bi!

Now to the overthinking part, and I'm sorry in advance. The episode text was entirely reliant on Eddie. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong but I don't recall the show ever establishing that Eddie was into Muay Thai prior to last night. Which means they invented an Eddie hobby specifically to give Tommy the same hobby. That's insane behavior. I mean that was absolutely unnecessary and not only did they intentionally add it they made sure to make the audience aware of it. They had Buck repeatedly point out his similarities to Eddie. I was watching live with a couple of friends and we all kind of had a wtf moment. Because are they actually going to do it??? Are they actually maybe baby stepping towards legitimately going there?? I'm going to have to rewatch but man it kind of genuinely feels like it might actually happen. And I'm speechless about it. It's pretty much what everyone is waiting for at this point. I just never thought they'd actually do it. But I don't know guys last night definitely felt like it was something.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Before I rage vomit my opinion of last night's episode I want to make a plea. A plea to Tim, ABC, Ryan Murphy, or anyone with power who will listen. Stop allowing Kristen Reidel to write anything for this show. She shouldn't be allowed near the writers room let alone be allowed to write what are supposed to be significant episodes. She has now written the last two season finales and they have both been atrocious. Worse than bad. Worse than boring. Completely and utterly atrocious. I am truly stunned by how bad this episode was. I mean it was clear the entire back half of the season was a last minute rewrite because they got renewed so fast, and as a result, Tim clearly decided to slow the originally planned stories down. The latter half of this season was abysmal. And because of that they needed a decent finale to salvage any part of it. And the second Kristen's name came up on the opening credits it was over. I dead ass started laughing the last 15 minutes because I could not comprehend how terrible it all was. It was maybe the worst episode in the history of the series. I'm serious. I can't think of a worse overall episode. It was embarrassing. You're the number one show on that network and you rolled that piece of garbage out as your season finale. Really?

I'm not even going to waste breath talking about the ridiculous Bobby/Athena/Cartel nonsense because it was too stupid for words. The only thing I will say is Kristen clearly likes Athena, it's obvious, so why does she always write her as some crazy RoboCop ripoff with a vigilante kink? It's mind boggling. The worst part though was the Eddie/Christopher/Buck arc. That actually broke my heart. In the hands of a more talented writer Oliver and Ryan, and precious Gavin could have salvaged that storyline. They did all the heavy lifting anyway, but the writing failed them miserably (big shock). Ryan did everything he could with that pile of garbage. Tim, you all killed her off. Let it go. I don't want to see her again. For the love of god free Eddie from the Shannon cycle. And then on top of everything else you did to Eddie this season you sent his son away. Look if they're actually going the Buddie route, which I am now convinced they are, Christopher needs to be away for a bit. I get that. But him asking to go stay with his grandparents was not the way to do it. Especially given how well your audience knows Eddie's very complicated relationship with his parents. It was gross. There were other ways to remove Chris from the equation for a bit. That brings me, finally, to that disgusting, completely out of place dinner scene between Buck and Tommy. What in the actual hell was that scene? It was so wildly out of place within the context of the episode it felt like watching whiplash. They clearly had a scene count in Lou's contract and needed one more scene, fine. They're also clearly establishing this relationship as purely surface level so they weren't going to give him a scene at the hospital or anything else that would demonstrate a level of tenderness. That all makes sense. But the audience had just spent 45 minutes watching the man that we all know Buck sees as his dad basically dying. He died. Buck being Buck wanted to talk about it. Tried to have a very serious conversation and Tommy turned that attempt into a daddy sex kink joke. Are you kidding me?!? I get it. For Tommy this is about Buck being hot and them having a good time, and nothing more so he doesn't want to bring anything serious into the mix. Fine. But there were so many less skin crawling ways to drive that point home. It was disgusting. And I continue to be stunned by the amount of Tommy apologists who keep pretending it's not obvious what the show is doing here. He isn't coming across as charming. He's not being written as charming. Look at the GA reactions. You're not meant to be viewing this as a love story. I know you all can see that. Rant done. I need a drink.

Thank you Nonny. I'm glad you asked her if it was okay to post it. You don't often see that kind of courtesy in fandom anymore.

The contrast between the first post and the last post is sending me. :) Once again the OP managed to explain everything in such a rational way. The way she breaks down these episodes and characters without letting herself get carried away by loud fandom voices and general bi Buck happiness, is truly admirable.

If I have to nitpick, I have to admit that I don't agree with that first kiss being a 'spectacular kiss'. I admit I never liked it. I think I must have watched it twice now and then never again. Something has always bothered me about that scene. I can't pinpoint it, but it has always felt a little wooden somehow.

But you know that I am kind of biased. ;) What can I say? I'm a one guy kind of girl and that guy in question is Eddie. :D

Don't turn away yet, because there is another OP post coming after this one. :)

Remember, no hate in comments or reblogs. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of the anonymous OP’s posts, you can find all of their posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[humbledragon669]

S1E3 – Hard Times Write Up P5 - Friday (One day to the end of the World) up to "the break up"

So, here we are, more than halfway through the episode yet only just getting to the credits. That really threw me the first time I watched this episode! I do think it’s a very clever way to handle the format of this episode though – you couldn’t exactly break the flow of the historical scenes to make way for the credits, and those scenes definitely don’t belong nestled in amongst the main storyline, particularly as all of those scenes were additional material written specifically for the show (as described by Neil in the introduction to the Script Book – this was do with ensuring consistency for seeing Crowley and Aziraphale in every episode of the season). Despite the fact that the storyline covered in these scenes is newly created, the information we learn from them is crucial to understanding the motives, emotions, and thought processes that the angel and demon show throughout the show, and I genuinely don’t think the rest of the episodes, or our relationship with the two main characters, would have been the same without them.

I also think the crazy-fast montage of scenes that we see immediately following the credits is a great way of bringing us back to the main storyline of the show, picking up right where we left off at the end of episode 2, which in fairness does seem like an awfully long time ago – after all, we’ve just been through a whistle-stop tour of 6000 years of history.

The entire sequence takes 5 seconds and appears to use a different image for every frame of film, which means it consists of approximately 130 different tableaus, in chronological order of their appearance in the season. Some editor had fun doing that I’m sure.

Knowing that I should be looking at any instances of writing whenever it’s used, I paused my rewatch of this episode at the point where we’re shown Aziraphale’s little planning board. Whilst most of it makes perfect sense (a map, notes about Adam’s name, relevant prophecy numbers), there is also a sheet of paper covered in writing that, to me at least is completely ineligible:

If anybody knows what this writing is, or even if it’s just made-up scribblings to look cool, I’d love to know the answer.

The conversation between Adam and Anathema has always struck me as slightly odd. I mean, it’s nice that Adam stops to ask if she’s OK (when she clearly is not), but there doesn’t appear to be any recognition from either party that they actually met just the day before. And forgive me for imposing modern-day suppositions on to work that was written a few decades previously, but a fully grown adult inviting a kid into their house for something to drink just feels creepy to me. We know she’s perfectly fine to be around though so we’ll let it go. What I do like about the conversation is that there’s an echoing of the exchange that Crowley and Aziraphale shared as they were leaving Tadfield Manor (about angels not being occult but ethereal) but this time the labels in contention are “witch” and “occultist”.

ADAM: Are you a witch? ANATHEMA: No, I’m an occultist.

It’s a nice nod to the notion that words have power. Both parties are describing the same idea but choosing what connotations they want to associate with it. And what’s really important to note on that matter is that changing Anathema’s label completely changes Adam’s opinion of her immediately.

Side note: anybody else find the juxtaposition of some manky old thumbscrews right next to a colourful birthday candle to be a beautifully accurate summation for what an oblivious shitshow the Witchfinder’s Army really is?

I find the choice of location for Crowley’s meeting with Shadwell to be an interesting one. The café they meet in proudly declares itself to be the “Best Café in Wandsworth”. Wandsworth is a long way from Crouch End, where we know Shadwell lives, and Mayfair, which is where the book states Crowley’s flat is located. And just so we’re covering some of the other possibilities, it’s nowhere near Soho and Aziraphale hasn’t set up the meeting at the 3rd rendezvous point yet for it to be a precursor location for the meeting on the bandstand. Why Wandsworth?

There are a couple of Easter Eggs in Crowley’s newspaper here, and perhaps one on the TV playing in the background. Let’s start with the newspaper. It’s no surprise that Crowley would be reading the Infernal Times, but who knew that demons would consider a bit of hiking for their holidays:

It’s a bit hard to make out, but I’m pretty sure that the headline reads something about walking trails. And it’s a pretty pathetic sounding front page headline:

In case you can’t read it (again, it difficult to make out), it says “SOUL MUSIC: Catalogue your collection of Souls?”. As a headline it doesn’t make a great deal of sense, but I think this is probably a reference to Crowley’s soul music collection mentioned in the book.

He was very proud of his collection. It had taken him ages to put together. This was real Soul Music. James Brown wasn’t in it.

The last of the headlines I can actually make out is the following:

Again, if you can’t quite make it out, this one describes some latest research that suggests exorcisms are on the rise in Wales. Just who has done the research, and why specifically concentrating on Wales, remains a mystery. Now let’s have a look at that TV in the corner of the room:

This was really tricky to get a clipping of something that made sense but the footage on the screen looks like it’s set in Puritan times. The guy on the right in this image is even wearing a costume reminiscent of Adultery Pulsifer’s clothes in the previous episode, so perhaps this a witchfinder? I couldn’t get anything concrete, but I think it’s probably a little Easter Egg nonetheless.

It’s nice that we have an acknowledgement of Shadwell’s involvement with Crowley going back decades during the conversation where we discover the demon is sponsoring the Witchfinder’s Army. We know, from the 1967 historical scene, that Crowley has been dealing with this dense oaf for 50 years by this point. I suppose in a show where character recognition, or rather the lack of it (see previous scene with Adam and Anathema, or even the use of the same actors to play different characters as we see in season 2) happens regularly, it was probably necessary to script something that explicitly states that these two characters are aware of the “resemblance” that Crowley bears to someone Shadwell knew many years previously.

Moving back to Anathema and Adam now (this episode does fair rattle through the sub-plot development doesn’t it?!). What’s with the whale obsession please? This isn’t the first time we hear about how whales have big brains (Crowley already raised this point when he was very drunk in episode 1), and it won’t be the last. I mean, I’m not denying that they do have huge brains, I just didn’t realise it was a thing that so many people thought about. I wonder if it’s one of those questions you supposedly can ask men about to get an unexpected response, like how often they think about ancient Rome? Regardless, the whale comment is just one of a bunch of foreshadowing Clues in this scene for later on.

They’ve got it all covered – ley lines, nuclear power stations, the Kraken, Atlantis, and Tibet, all mentioned or seen in a very short space of time. There’s even mention of the destruction of the Brazilian rainforests, something Adam tries to resolve in the book.

Up in Heaven, which looks like an incredibly boring place in my opinion, Aziraphale is busy telling his superiors things they’re either not interested in or already know. I don’t know whether Uriel’s line “what’s happening” is a little reference to Jesus Christ Superstar (the song “What’s the Buzz” uses this phrase repeatedly throughout), but if it is it would effectively put Aziraphale in the role of Jesus, with the archangels being disciples. Not exactly fitting with canon, so maybe this is a little Easter Egg. Or maybe it’s nothing at all.

Whilst I was doing this write up, I noticed that Aziraphale is the only one of the angels to be wearing a patterned garment – his trademark tartan. It’s a nice way to subtly distinguish him, or more precisely his relationship with the concept of free will, from the other angels, and whilst we know he has been exercising his own free will for centuries, his addition of a non-standard item of clothing to angelic attire would suggest he is becoming more comfortable with his stance. Looking back through the historical scenes (including the ones from season 2 we are yet to see), I think the tartan first makes it appearance in 1862, but I’m happy to be corrected on that.

It's a good job that the archangels are a somewhat dense bunch because Aziraphale does not do a good job of hiding when he’s hiding something here. He has a tendency to overact when it comes to the discussion around Crowley, and the pause he puts in before his non-committal answer to Gabriel’s questioning is almost painful.

It should be obvious to them that he’s covering something up but luckily they’re totally oblivious and Aziraphale actually manages to buy himself some time. Credit to him here – he went to Heaven with preconceived ideas of how this conversation was going and he not only manages to adapt to the deviation from his expectations, he also considers what this means, how it changes his plans, comes up with a plan for how to achieve his new objective, and executes that plan very convincingly. There’s a lot of talk about how Aziraphale can often be pretty dense at times, but this little scene should tell you that that’s only really true when it comes to Crowley – outside of the blinkers of friendship and love, this is one quick-thinking and intelligent angel.

We’ve had a couple of mentions of Crowley being “fallen” before now in the show, but I think this is the first time we get any clues as to why that might have been. And surprisingly for such an important piece of information, it’s delivered in an almost nonchalant way.

There was war in Heaven, long before the Earth was created. Crowley and the rest were cast out. Not nothing was ever really settled.

We already knew that Crowley wasn’t the only fallen angel (see Hastur’s comments in episode 2) but this is the first mention of him being involved in all-out war against Heaven. Hastur talks about rebelling in the previous episode, so we can only assume that these are two puzzle pieces that fit together. I don’t know whether season 3 will bring us a fuller answer for Crowley’s fall, but I hope so. I feel like it’s a huge part of his history and who he is; as a fan it would be nice to be able to put it all together for an even better understanding of his character.

Gabriel’s comments about the war and Armageddon make for some interesting discussion points. He says that even though the fallen angels were cast out of Heaven, nothing was settled. What exactly were they hoping would be the outcome of that war? If it was the destruction of those who rebelled, why only cast them out? Why not destroy them at that point? And why exactly does Earth have to get tied up in all of this? His parting line about Earth’s destruction offers little to the debate about what Earth’s role is in the whole Heaven/Hell war, only that Heaven is determined to destroy it, regardless.

The Earth isn’t going to just end itself, you know.

Charming. And unfortunately for Aziraphale, his lack of enthusiasm for another war has triggered the suspicion of the archangels – it’s interesting that he was able to cover his intentions through his talk of Crowley and poorly disguised buying for time but what really makes them think he can’t be trusted is that he clearly isn’t fully on their side when it comes to war.

There is a line in the book about anybody who meets Aziraphale believing him to be “gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide”. I can see how this might have been a little difficult to get into a TV show, but I think the double entendre delivered by the following exchange probably serves as a suitable alternative:

AZIRAPHALE: Do you have any men free? I need them to poke about a bit. SHADWELL: Poke, eh? And where exactly do you want them poking?

And if it wasn’t clear what Shadwell’s thoughts on Aziraphale were, calling him a “great southern pansy can probably fill in the blanks for you.

Remember what I was saying about Aziraphale not being dense earlier? Well this is one of those moments when he proves the exact opposite. He genuinely appears to believe all the stories Shadwell has fed him about the soldiers of the Witchfinder’s Army. I suspect he simply can’t bear to think that somebody would lie to him for financial gain, something which Crowley appeared to be fully conscious of when he dismissed Shadwell’s presentation of the ledger in the café earlier on. Whatever the angel’s reasons for this gullibility, we as the audience can now see that both of our hero pair are not only funding the Witchfinder Army (for the paltry combined sum of £500 per year according to the Script Book) but making use of their services, and hiding the organisation from the other for fear of reprimand. How very Shakespearian.

There are a few little things I’d like to show appreciation for in the Famine scene. First off, and I did have to look this up, but the word “sable” can be defined as “black”. So Famine’s chosen name consists of 2 words that describe black. Given that one of War’s alternative names is Red (or Carmine, which means crimson, as well as her chosen surname of Zingiber, which is another name for ginger – a word you might use to describe a red-headed person), this is hardly surprising. Next up. I love how beautiful the plate of non-existent food in the fine dining restaurant is. I have eaten at a Michelin starred restaurant and I can assure you, that isn’t far off the mark at all.

Next little Easter Egg – there’s a picture of the Bentley, albeit in red, on the wall of the burger joint that Famine and his assistant go to:

And how many times have we heard/read terms and conditions that sound very similar (scratch that, there are some phrases that are word-for-word perfect) to the ones for Chow for any/all new health product that comes to market with the sole purpose of making money out of gullible/vulnerable people. Neil really nailed the wording and delivery in the script there. Elvis’s presence in the restaurant is a cute bit of humour too, and halfway makes up for one of the lines in the script that didn’t make it to the final cut but made me guffaw like a loon – it’s Death’s response to a question about the year of Elvis’s death from the quiz machine:

I DON’T CARE WHAT IT SAYS. I NEVER LAID A FINGER ON HIM.

Lastly, I’d like to think there’s another instance of script mirroring in the use of the word Chow here. Cast your mind back, all the way to episode 1…

LIGUR: Wassat mean, “Ciao”? HASTUR: It’s Italian. It means “food”.

Except to anyone actually eating Sable’s prized invention Chow isn’t food at all, but eating it might result in you having to say “goodbye” to a lot of things like “hair. And skin tone. And, if you ate enough of it long enough, vital signs.” Beautiful word play.

Side note for the next scene: the Witchfinder Manual actually has a price on the cover (I can’t quite make out what it is, but it’s “old” money), which means at some point that sack of crap was actually sold to people.

One last tiny note: Crowley tells Aziraphale to meet him at the 3rd alternative rendezvous. Not the 3rd rendezvous or the alternative rendezvous. And Aziraphale can’t remember which location it maps to, though he can list off three possibilities, much to Crowley’s annoyance. I’d quite like to know how many formally named rendezvous locations they have, and why they think that referring to them in “code” prevents their respective superiors from knowing they’re meeting in the first place.

I am going to call it on this part of the write up at this point. I had intended for this part to be the last one for this episode, but I’m already at nearly 3000 words and I haven’t covered the “break-up” scene yet. I think I’m partly just putting off the inevitable by not including it here because I find the last scene of this episode very difficult to watch. Nevertheless, I hope you’ll forgive me. I’d hope I can give that scene the attention it deserves if I split it out into its own write up. So for now… comments, questions, discussion, all welcome, as always.

[raindrop-on-a-spiderweb]

Sending love to one of the best writers on ao3 😘💕 I check your page frequently and wanted to ask about the things that you enjoy doing or aspire to do

Hi Anon, it's so sweet of you to send this ask to ask after me. Rest assured your words are appreciated on this end; thank you from the bottom of my heart and top of my soul 🫂 I'm very glad you think highly of my work even after so long, and I'm so so sorry I haven't had any new content in such a long time. But I am hard at work on a oneshot that will definitely be published before the next chapter of Samarra, so the well won't stay dry for long! The summary is “A jaded prison nurse must come to rely on a man she hates and fears in the midst of a deadly prison riot.” I started writing it in the ward; it's based off of the Moundsville Penitentiary which is an especially spooky place I've been to–an old 19th century prison made of towering stone turrets, eerie high ceilings, and rusted iron cells packed together like pigsties. I'm hoping to get that atmosphere across; it's about ⅔ of the way finished so good progress is being made!

Well I enjoy writing, most of all, but I've already talked about that in detail a thousand times so I'll spare you. I love reading, of course (I just finished “The Five”, about the victims of Jack the Ripper, and it's a fascinating bit of history and an incredible and horrifying look at Victorian-era industrial Britain). I love exploring the mountains with my cats trotting along beside me and photographing what I find. In all honesty I'm a bit of a trappist–I rarely see people except hunters and cashiers, and most of my time is spent alone with myself or my dad. But each day is an adventure when you're in nature and each season brings primordial and beautiful changes– I collected watercress the other day and found the downy remains of a fawn. 

I love watching old movies. My dad and I were watching Laurel and Hardy last night and I swear it holds up a century later. Before that we watched King Rat, which is one of his–and my–favorite movie; about two men stuck in a Japanese prison camp and the Machiavellian and underhanded ways they survive there. The book is particularly good too, and the epilogue about rats devouring each other has haunted my dreams for a long time. 

On the same subject, a series that I highly recommend is called Tenko, which is very similar to King Rat, except the prisoners are women. It's so grueling, realistic and enrapturing; I've never seen anything that so squarely focuses on women's experiences, relationships with each other, the hardships they face, and how they struggle to survive together in a thankless, deprived environment. The backstabbing and despair that comes in their darkest moments, the love and support in which they uplift each other with, their mistrustful and uneven relationships with their captors that occasionally erupt in friendships and affairs–and all the episodes are on dailymotion, too!

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x74u4fi

I like dreaming most of all. So many of my story ideas come from my dreams. The worst thing in the world is waking up and trying to catch the stray strands of the dream slipping through your fingers. It's amazing to live so many lives–good or bad–inside your head. Sometimes when I wake up, I feel a sweeping, palpable sense of relief that I don't live in the world I conjured last night, and sometimes I wish I could just claw myself back into my brain and live in that little pocket world for the rest of my life.

I do not aspire to much. I don't really have any base wishes but to keep writing and live til 70. We all have our hopeful fantasies, of course, and when I finally do get Ragnatela on Amazon Kindle (Microsoft Word is trying to swindle me out of one hundred and fifty American dollars to use their dogshit platform, and since the manuscript is half-edited, I'm afraid to lose my formatting if I switched to a free program like Libreoffice) maybe it will get some attention. 

I still intend on writing on Ao3 until the day I die, though. Even with its unsavory content I have such a soft spot for its unrestricted freedom of speech and prose. Plus I don't want to give up talking to you guys and goofing off in the comments ☹️ I also aspire to stop drinking. I'm sure I've already shaved a few years off my lifespan with my tippling habit. But when one day is much like the other, is there much point in extending it?

I aspire to travel around the United States more. I took a trip through the Deep South to visit Savannah and it was enrapturing; something I will remember for the rest of my life. Rusted-out cars felted in green moss, skinny, grazing horses in windswept fields, peeling roadside signs advertising tent revivals, clownish golliwogs behind still windows of cafes, forgotten tugboats half-sunken into lagoons, highway strip hotels where craggy hookers peered at you suspiciously from their fold-up chairs, and derelict cemeteries separated between Union and Confederate. It was just post-Irma and we were often the only tourists at any of these places. The effects of the hurricane were stark and obvious, with the land in a state of shock before any official agencies came to clean them up. I remember boats crashed into the harbor and grandfather trees felled in front of opulent antebellum homes, and the sea churned brown and murky when we trekked to the beach. The sense of desolation, and not only from the hurricane, was chilling–but I loved being there and loved being swathed by the kudzu and history. My mother is very ill and before she dies we might make up briefly and take a trip to New Orleans together and explore rural Louisiana; I'd always wanted to write a story set in New Orleans. Louisiana is a fascinating state with its mixture of Napoleonic and Creole influences; and I've always been drawn to the grand, decaying tombs of New Orleans as much as I have been to the odd Francophone swamps and their hidden dialects and traditions. And one day I would like to go way, way out west and explore the Gold Rush ghost towns. All the mines where I am are filled-in, so I would like to venture underneath the earth just once. 

Most of all, I aspire to be alone, and live by myself for the rest of my life, far away from town, somewhere in the mountains like where I am now. I wish I didn't have to see another person for the rest of my life. Being alone with myself is bad enough, being with others is intolerable.

Anyways, I apologize for my undue pleonasm, you caught me in a chatty mood 😀 Here's an excerpt from the newest prison one-shot:

Rhoda had met Jesse Fitzner her first day on the job. It was midway through her shift, and she was taking a lunch break and grading her sister Sherise's homework in her office. The day had started with a white-knuckle ride in early morning mist so thick she couldn't see the taillights of the car in front of her. Midway through her preliminary tour of the prison, an inmate had stuffed his toilet full of socks, which promptly overflowed and leaked sewage out of the cell onto her high heels. The hoots and jeers had made her speed up, trying to avoid the leering eyes of her future patients. And her introduction to the mental ward, by a younger but just as pessimistic Fawna, had not lifted her mood any either.

So there she sat in her office, snatching a moment of calmness and frantically scribbling corrections over Sherise's homework before her sister turned it in tomorrow. And then the door swung open.

A blond man poked his head in and briefly raised his eyebrows. He was wearing the omnipresent, drab gray prison uniform, pants and a sweatshirt rolled up to his elbows. "What are you up to?"

She flipped the cover of the notebook over.

"Going over my sister's homework. Is there something you need?"

"Passing on a message to Nurse Judson. One of the inmates wants to switch his blood pressure medication."

"Oh, she'll be back soon. I think she's–doing something with the prisoners. Just give her a few minutes."

"No hurry." He pulled the chair opposite her and sat down in it. "So you're grading your kid sister's homework? Shouldn't she be doing that herself?"

The man had thick blond hair that stuck up in back like a duck's tail, and very rosy cheeks. He looked like he had just shaven, by the nicks on his neck. 

"It's a long story. I should be–"

"I've got time. If this is your first day, you need to take some time to yourself to relax--else you'll end up in the infirmary."

Rhoda laughed. He had a nice smile and a nice manner about him–very jovial and friendly. It was refreshing to see a man who didn't stare at her like she was a piece of meat. "Well, my parents died when my brother and I were still young. Seth was seventeen, I was fifteen. He went to work so we didn't have to break up the family, and I stayed home to care for my little siblings, all three of them. It wasn't fun. I always wanted to do more for them than what I was stuck with, so I'm making sure they get good grades and go to good colleges. That's why I got this job in the first place, to put some back for their college funds."

"That's real decent of you. I don't know a single woman who would go so far for their family. You'd best be proud of yourself. Where's your brother now?"

"He's working out of state in Pennsylvania. He found a good woman and has a concrete contracting business now."

"You got yourself a man?"

"Never saw the need. Someday, maybe, when I'm lonelier."

"Working here for a few years will train that loneliness for a man right outta of you." 

They both laughed at that, and Rhoda felt her tensed muscles begin to relax. "I didn't catch your name."

"Jesse Lee Fitzner." He reached across the desk to grip her hand. For being such a small-built man, he had a crushing handshake.

"Rhoda Ames. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"I knew a few Ameses when I was on the outside. Where your folks from?"

"Beckworth, west of here."

"Oh, you're bullshitting me. I have folks from there too. You don't know a Harry Fitzner, do you?"

"Harry who used to run the car repair shop?"

"That's him! My uncle. He retired a few years ago. His lungs got to him. Too much time in the mines."

The door slammed open again. An elderly prison guard, who had greeted her rather abruptly upon her hiring and who had a hard and wrinkled face, was standing in the doorway. When he saw Jesse, his face grew harder. "What are you doing here, inmate?"

Jesse raised his hands, still not moving from where he was leaning back on the chair. "Just dropping off a message for Nurse Judson."

"Next time, leave the message with Nurse Ames and promptly return to your cell. There's no reason for you to be here actin' so friendly."

To Rhoda's mild disappointment, the guard grabbed Jesse by his arm and yanked him out, harder than he needed to. Before he was escorted out, Jesse tossed a glance over her shoulder and winked at her. "Rhoda, you're a young lady, and I'm a bit of a spring chicken myself. I think we would get along real well outside these walls."

Rhoda couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up from her throat. She felt lightheaded. She was a rangy and abrupt woman with a working tan, and hadn't much experience with men flirting with her.

When Jesse was marched out, Rhoda stood up and grabbed her peaked nurse's cap, girding her loins for the next shift on the ward. While she was counting medications, the elderly guard–Miles–came in again and shut the door behind him. She flinched, expecting a dressing-down on her first day of work. I wasn't fraternizing with the prisoner, was I? Am I… am I gonna lose my job?

He sat down opposite her. "You ever hear that tale 'bout the lady and the snake?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to–"

"Old story; old, old story. One of them Aesop stories they wrote when people was still in togas and carved words in stone. A woman was walking home one day when she saw a frozen snake lying on the side of the road. It begged her to save its poor little self, this little creature of God. So taking pity on it, the woman brought it home and warmed it by the fire between her breasts. And as it thawed, it bit her breast. 'Oh, why would you do such a thing? Your poison will kill me,’ she wailed. And the snake smiled and said, 'You knew I was a snake before you brought me into your house.'"

Rhoda stared at him, puzzled. "I don't understand."

"You know what that fellow did to get in here? Fitzner was top dog in a motorcycle gang outside of prison. A real nasty one. He ordered a contract killing on a rival gang member. They snatched the poor fellow when he was leaving a bar. Hung him from a tree, broke his legs with doublejack hammers, used him as target practice with their sawed-offs, cut his dick off and shoved it in his mouth, then left and let him choke on it and bleed to death for the rest of the night. He was out, too, far out in the mountains, and they only found him weeks later when a hunter stumbled on him. One of the killers snitched on Fitzner in exchange for dropping a drug felony sentence he was staring at. That snitch went into hiding and changed his name. Two days after Fitzner was taken to this good penitentiary, he was found with his head beaten in, in a dry creek bed."

Rhoda's head began to spin in slow whirls. Her hand where Jesse had shaken it grew very clammy. She remembered his bright smile across the desk, his dark eyes, and felt bile and vomit churn in her throat.

"You both were talking for a while, I noticed. He's good at prising information out of people, Fitzner is. A boyish smile and a few good words and he can make both men and women melt like butter on yer tongue. See? Now he knows who you are, and where your folks live. Now he can get to you."

Rhoda tried to talk, but her tongue was paralyzed. She looked down and wiped her sweaty hands on her knees.

Miles got up and went over to the door. He looked out of the window set on top, and his hard face relaxed. He seemed much older in that moment, more wrinkled and exhausted.

"You'd best be careful of him, Nurse Ames. He's a bad 'un. I'll be glad to see the back of him."

As it turned out, Miles retired later that year and it was Jesse who saw the back of him. 

And Rhoda became very wary of him from then on. Whenever he saw her in the hall, in the chow line, in the infirmary, he smiled at her and tried to make small talk. She ignored him, or was curt with him.

Unfortunately, he seemed to take that as an invitation.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Fluff Headcanons - Spooky gaming with the genshin characters!

A/N: The fluff version of the Halloween special, and a bit of a new format. I hope you enjoy!

C/W: Modern AU, swearing, game-typical violence.

Alhaitham

This year, Alhaitham wanted something less conventional. Something that would really engage his mind with interesting commentary about society and the world at large, but still retain some of that spooky vibe. 

Cruelty Squad easily caught his attention with its assaulting graphics and interesting premise. It clearly begged for attention, and he was willing to humor it. 

It was precisely what he was looking for, and what an answer it was. Alhaitham had no trouble adjusting to a more corporate mindset.

Alhaitham: The super AI emerges from an extremely pornographic ultra hyper suck and fuck…

Kaveh: Um… What? What are you talking about?

Alhaitham: You don't understand, Kaveh. Everything that surrounds us? It's Gorbino's Quest. The Gorbino's Quest... of life.

Ganyu

The poor little cinnamon roll isn't that much of a horror fan. Violence and death generally unsettles her, but Ganyu still wants to feel some of that holiday spirit. 

After a lengthy deliberation, Ganyu chose Little Nightmares. The graphics are quite pleasing to the eye, it is horror, but not so horrible and violent. At least that's what she heard.

Ganyu: Oh, look! It's a Nome, right? And it's offering me food… How nice of it! Um… Oh n-no! Why would you d-do that?!

Amber

The great outdoors with a horror theme? Count her in!

Amber made sure to avoid spoilers to have the full, unprecedented The Forest experience. The landscape is so serene and peaceful… The freedom of movement, the sounds of nature and the survival elements are so fun and relaxing!

True, there are some hostile people on the island, but they seem harmless enough.

Until the night falls…

Amber: Wait… What's that? That doesn't look human… Did it just birth out… Ew… Yikes! It's coming at me! 

Suffice to say, Amber stuck around until more or less the moment when you have to chop up bodies and make effigies out of the parts.

Beidou

Alcohol, hard rock and murdering demons with big guns is how Beidou plays on Halloween, so she'll gladly hop on Doom Eternal.

There's nothing better than impaling a snake demon's head with its own broken arm, right as the beat drops. 

Beidou: Life has enough undefeatable horrors. Let's just have some fun tonight!

Ningguang

The old ones are the good ones! Ningguang doesn't play a lot of video games, but she did like a few titles back in her younger days. 

On this special occasion, Ningguang got a box of her old possessions to dig through, and found the original Dungeon Keeper on CD. 

Everything is just as she remembered it was. 

Ningguang: Oh, these imps… They are the perfect workers, aren't they? They don't eat, sleep, need vacation, have a social life, and they work harder when you slap them. Ah, if only I had them as my subordinates…

Keqing: *narrows eyes*

Kokomi

Another fan of the retro side of games, Kokomi enjoys a good tactical challenge - developing the ability to conjure small scale plans is as important as improving the grand ones.

Her pick is Myth II: Soulblighter. It’s a brutal, unforgiving RTS with a distinctively dark atmosphere - just perfect for the season at hand.

Even when Halloween comes to a close, Kokomi will find it hard to drop the game. The insanity that is Legendary is quite addictive indeed…

Kokomi: You here… You here… And now the crescendo!

Game: “Move here move there…”

Game: “Catch!”

Game: *explosion*

Game: “Casualty.”

Kokomi: Oh. Change of plans, I guess…

Yae Miko

Upon hearing of the wonderful possibilities for tormenting the other party, Miko didn't hesitate to bring out the Mora for Dead By Daylight and all of its DLC. 

Though it was quite fun at first, the ugly nature of the game soon surfaced. As none of her friends were brave enough to delve into this swamp, she was forced to join up with random people, who frequently threw the games. 

Such a combination was enough to make even such an ancient and wise kitsune lose her absolute cool.

Ei: Why are you crouching behind that tree, Miko?

Miko: The killer has caught one of my teammates, and I will release them by ambushing them with a flashlight! 

Miko: Come on… Now! You didn't expect that, did y- What?? Lightborn?! Again?! Who even plays it nowadays?! Oh, you daft, blind motherf-

Ei: Miko!

Miko: Oh… Hm. Sorry. I got a little carried away. But that's sooo unfair, isn't it? Why would they add a perk that cancels a whole mechanic? I can't believeitthegameissokillersided…

Xiangling

Xiangling absolutely didn't look forward to Halloween, especially with Hu Tao around. She just can't take horror, at all, of any kind, ever. Especially jumpscares.

She still couldn't believe that she agreed to play a horror game, let alone one suggested by the director. The one and only Five Nights At Freddy's at that.

Much to Hu Tao's amusement, she didn't even make it past Night 1. Xiangling was thoroughly spooked, and after being jumpscared once she completely refused to keep playing. 

Seeing Xiangling so terrified made Guoba very upset, and Hu Tao quickly apologized to avoid being roasted by the angry god. 

Hu Tao: So he killed the kids, but then! Their souls escaped their robot prisons and made an old spring lock suit crush him to death! WoOoo~

Xiangling: Ah! Hu Tao! No more! 

Guoba: Nane na! Grr…

Hu Tao: Oh, don't fret little Guoba! I'm just joking!

Zhongli

Morax always had trouble catching up with the latest cultural and technological trends of the humans. Sure, he can use a computer more than well enough, but he finds third and first person video games confusing. The gameplay is most often too fast and rapidly changing for him to be up to speed with it, let alone enjoy it. 

Throughout all of his exponentially long life, nobody was as persistent in including him in the festivities as Hu Tao. She tried to convince Zhongli to play something horror-related, but he was assertive. So, the director decided to find a game that would suit his liking - an indie title. 

Her pick fell on Water Womb World - it's simple mechanically, is quite disturbing and has an interesting concept. 

Much to her surprise, Zhongli thoroughly enjoyed his fifteen minutes with the game, even if he didn't find it very scary.

Zhongli: Ah, I agree with the message of this title. The blind belief in deities can lead to fanaticism, which breeds regress rather than progress. I do think that a more healthy and critical approach to Rex Lapis' rule would be beneficial to our current day society. Especially that the age of gods draws to an end…

Hu Tao: Aiya! Do you have to turn everything into a lecture, Zhongli? You're not my grandpa, are you?

Hu Tao

An avid enjoyer of the spookfest, Hu Tao decided to pick something hitting closer to home this year - Mortuary Assistant.

The gameplay loop feels great! Just like in her line of work, just without the smell. She's having the time of her life preparing the corpse for burial. And hunting the demon. That's also quite cool!

Hu Tao: *hums while wheeling the corpse into the crematory* 

Game: "Are you sure?"

Hu Tao: Yup! I know your tricks more than well. Aiyaya, you could try something more interesting next round! Furnace time~

Game: *sounds of fire and demonic screaming*

Hu Tao: Toodle-oo~

Bennet, Noelle, Fischl, Razor

A few weeks before Halloween, Bennett mentioned a game night, since he couldn't be there in person. Noelle, diligent as ever, picked this up as a cue to start looking for something. 

Luckily for her, Phasmophobia was on a large and affordable discount, so after proposing the idea and organizing a money pool, they all got to proving the existence of ghosts.

Lisa lent Razor her personal computer for the night, on condition that she could take a little peek every now and then at their session without interrupting - and what an amusement it was, as none of them are especially acquainted with horror.

Noelle: "The ghost responds only to people who are alone." Somebody has to go in to talk to it… 

Razor: Razor won't go! Ghost scary!

Bennett: I would go, but with my luck, the ghost will eat me right away…

Fischl: Hmph! Although yes, I, Fischl, The Prinzessin Der Verurteilung and the founder of The Immernatchreich possess the courage to face demons and spawns of darkness alike, I…

Everyone: So you'll go then?

Amy: Um… N-no! You m-misunderstood!

Furina

The Great-And-Grand Archon of Fontaine played and saw every horror game and movie, and never once got scared. Or that's what she claims, at least.

That's why Focalors decided to prove her excellence with a true, dark challenge she could easily overcome, thus proving her gaming capabilities for all to see!

In hindsight, Darkest Dungeon wasn't the best of choices she could have made… It did amuse Monsieur Neuvilette, however. 

Neuvillette: I think you should retreat. Your heroes are close to dying. 

Furina: I appreciate your advice, my dear Iudex, but your worries are misplaced! My Crusader will deal a critical hit, thus ending the pig-man's miserable opposition, and granting us treasure galore! Watch and marvel at my skill!

Game: "A singular strike!"

Furina: Ahaha, see? I told you it would be fine~ Wait… It's not dead yet…?

Game: "Mortality - clarified in a single strike!"

Furina: Um…

Game: "There can be no hope in this hell, no hope at all…"

Game: "And now the true test - hold fast, or expire."

Game: "Those who cover injury find it in no short supply."

Game: "As life ebbs, terrible vistas of emptiness reveal themselves."

Furina: Ret- T-tactical withdrawal! 

Game: "Cornered, trapped, forced to fight on!"

Game: "This is no place for the weak, or the foolhardy."

Game: "More blood soaks the soil, feeding the evil therein."

Game: "Perched at the very precipice of oblivion."

Game: "More dust, more ashes, more disappointment."

Game: "Another life wasted in the pursuit of glory and gold."

Game: "Wounds to be tended. Lessons to be learned."

Neuvillette: Lady Furina, if only you had-

Furina: Silence.

Shenhe

Shenhe never gets scared. The most terrible of monsters or existential terrors are no match for her training and resolve, no matter how unexpected they might be. She might not get scared, but she can get startled, right?

Who else would pose that question but Hu Tao, the mistress of horrors herself? It was always her objective to get some sort of reaction out of the adepti disciple, no matter how insignificant and small it might be. Many things were attempted - scary movies, troubling situations, body horror, cosmic horror, existential horror… But none of them ever worked. Shenhe remained stalwart.

Out of desperation, Hu Tao was forced to reach for the ultimate weapon. The bane of those unprepared. The myth. The legend. The game.

The Scary Maze Game. 

After plugging in an old spare monitor, she invited Shenhe to “test her precision”, and stepped a few safe meters back. 

The monitor ended up skewered with her polearm, but Shenhe did yelp - much to her delight. 

Not all was fun and games though, as Hu Tao got the mother of all lectures from Cloud Retainer. Something about Shenhe’s red ropes breaking, but the director didn’t pay much attention, and just nodded along.

Hu Tao: Heya, Shenhe… You don’t mind the little scare I gave you back on Halloween night, do you…?

Shenhe: Oh? Well, as much as I was upset during the moment, I must admit it was quite… cathartic. I never experienced anything like that. I do not hold any grudge towards you. Actually… Thank you for that, director Hu Tao.

Hu Tao: Phew! And I was here thinking I’ll share the fate of that display!

🎃Happy Halloween!🎃

[the-64th-gamer]

I FINISHED MLP YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

(Started December 3, 2022 - Ended January 1, 2024 - 413 Days)

Am absolutely mindblown to see such an amazing series go through 9 seasons and literally continuously keep getting better and better!!!!!!!

Its been very cool binging it so quickly compared to most old fandom members watching it through syndication. Similar to when I rewatched SU there's such a difference seeing ideas and characters evolve at normal pace than to sit there for years brewing in fandom content that makes you expect them to go a different path. Lots of what I've heard be controversial things like Slice of Life and Starlight in general were some of my favorite parts of the show!!

Fav episode is The Perfect Pear, I was spoiled William Shatner was gonna play someone in the series and was SO FUCKIGN EXCITED when I realized it was him and in such an amazing episode!!!!! The ending was so fucking sweet omg.

Second fav was Slice of Life cause I get it was fanservice but on its own it was a great change of pace in the season to focus on background and side characters!!! After that it feels like they focused on background characters way more and it was very rewarding.

Seeing ***every single shot of Derpy*** was the funnest part of the show, I have personal screenshots of every single time I spotted her and stopping in the middle of songs or big fights just to scream and snapshot them was such a fun scavenger hunt. It made me go NUTS to see them do actual stuff on screen (ESPECIALLY THE SCENE IN BEST GIFT EVER WHEN SHE FINALLY GOT TO SPEAK IN FOREVER). It was also hilarious to see all the error derpies with fucked up colors and hair!!!!! It stopped in the later seasons except a time where she had a purple eye in a single shot, and one where she had big mac's face???? I was having a blast.

Similarly I was also just watching every single background character all the time every time, got to figure out which ponies would be used for which locations, when they'd appear in other places, which special ones could show up anywhere, which ones would do funny stuff, seeing new super cute background characters come in like Sweet Biscuit and Rainbow Stars!!! As someone hyperfocused on stupid stuff this was so fun watching the background nonstop.

Favorite season was season 6 or 7. Starlight was a great link for the episodes and it was the most normal seasons while the writing had gotten really good. Season 8 and 9 are still super good and I love that they were so willing to be bold and change things up a ton to keep interest, but 6 and 7 are closer to the usual baseline episode stuff so they're the best to go back to if I wanna rewatch.

I think the early seasons were still looking for a longterm identity for the show but I think starting season 5 it became this really great constant escalation of things. I really expected the show to just linger around the same ol' topics but it it kept changing the characters lives, the plot, and circumstances a ton while developing old characters and introducing new ones! Out of everything I've watched so far it was like the most masterful way to run a longterm series I've seen. Never felt burnt out or that anything was dragging, but also never felt like it ever lost its core identity!

Season 9 also was just a masterclass on ending a series, every single episode focused on bringing back some side character to give them an interesting spin, or conclude some arcs left behind. There were maybe one or two normal episodes but even those didnt feel like filler! I think the show was at its best throwing new ideas out and then taking a break with a standard friendship problem episode in a normal location. After watching it I don't think there was any missing thread or interesting thing they didn't try out! (Though also the series is formatted well enough they definitely could have continued making tons of standard episodes)

I can't remember if it was season 2 or 3 but I think when they first started introducing like regular songs to non adventure/important episodes it was really off, didn't really mesh well having the show be so musical, but they definitely incorporated it better as they went along and its kinda crazy it worked out well.

BTW I've steered clear from almost all opinions on the show outside of what Ray tells me so I dont know what of my opinions are universal to the fandom, but holy shit the season 8-9 intro sucks so much ass, all of the timing is COMPLETELY lost, theres that stupid school zoom out shot thats just maud hitting a rock in the middle of the road as it slowwwwwly pans, the backgrounds are way too visually noisy in the classrooms and the castle and its just an absolutely horrible nightmare that was thrown together in a day.

But yeah great show favorite show best show!!!!! I now get to see a decade of fan content and reviews and discussions n such!!! I watched some that were time appropriate for the current season I was watching to avoid spoilers but nows time for the floodgates!!!!! I'm glad I'll be able to hold onto my opinions now though and seperate them from anything I'm gonna further see discussed by all the old fans. I'm sure there will be tons of complaints I never considered but as I see it now that was a perfect run of television that I love very dearly!!!! Its certainly changed my life going forward lol.

[loversj0y]

'tis the damn season

chapter one - we could call it even

its your first day back home from winter break, and the overwhelming extent of the holidays leads to some interesting rekindlings

'tis the damn season masterlist

pairing: cc!wilbur soot x gn!reader

fluff and angst (quite a lot of angst in fact)

trigger warnings: reader's mother is abusive (not physically) and father is emotionally absent. this will be talked about in extensive detail. alcohol, some suggestive themes, and a lot of anxiety.

author's note: WELCOME! to the very first installment of a multichaptered fic inspired by taylor swift's tis the damn season! this work has been in progress for about. 4 months now so !! yipee!!! hope u enjoy (chapter two should be out sometime within the next week; i wont make the wait too long between chapters) dont like tumblr formatting? ao3 version is available here!

word count: 6.3k

If you had to be honest, you despised the holidays. It was always stressful, no matter how prepared you tried to be. But regardless, being in your final year of Uni, it was pretty nice to get a final winter break before graduation. The idea of staying with your parents wasn’t ideal. They’d spent years neglecting you and taking a toll on you emotionally, but in the time you’d been gone, it had seemed like things had improved. You agreed to go home for the holidays under this idea, hoping to have a nice break from everything, despite the heavy feeling in your chest that came from being in your hometown – that you’d proudly left behind – and the general dread of the holidays.

Wilbur wasn’t exactly the opposite. While he didn’t mind the holidays themselves, he hated the social conventions of it all. Particularly the insistence that you must be with family or else the holiday isn’t worth anything. However, Wilbur seemed to luck out this year. His mother and stepfather happened to book a cruise for the holidays, and all they wanted from him was to watch the house while they were gone. It gave him both the convention of helping out family without dealing with the mental decline that he gets from actually being around them, mostly his stepfather. So, he’d spend a month in his old bedroom, in the town he dreaded because the number of good memories he’d had all involved one person that left not long before he did.

When you’d finally arrived, it wasn’t long before your parents were hugging you and peppering kisses on your face, talking about how much they’d missed you, and asking if you were eating alright. It was loving, and you did appreciate it, but you felt uneasy. As your mother hugged you, it felt unfulfilling as you looked around the room, each familiar surrounding bringing up memories of your mother’s yelling. You’d settled down fairly easily, which tended to be a perk of returning to your childhood bedroom. After changing into something much more comfortable, you’d returned to where it seemed your family members had accumulated.

“Y/n, darling, my goodness, you’ve grown so much since I’ve last seen you! What are they feeding you out there in London?” It was your aunt who spoke to you. She was tame enough, save for when she got her hands on enough cosmopolitans to feel the need to share everyone’s gossip. 

“It’s nice to see you too. And I cook for myself, in case you were wondering.” You deadpanned. Honestly, you just didn't feel like humoring her advances to pull information out of you. You’d fallen for them as a kid, but now, even with little to hide, you couldn’t quite trust her. 

“Of course, you are, my genius. How’s the dating scene been?” 

You rolled your eyes at the nickname, brushing it off, “Boring as ever.” 

She hummed, taking a sip of her drink.  Ah, looks like she may already be ready to gossip, you thought, noticing the soft flush on her cheeks consistent with her drunkness. Your suspicions were confirmed when she continued, “You know, your mum told me she saw that old fling of yours at the shops the other day. What was his name?” She hummed for a moment, “Wilbur! That’s what it is.” 

Your chest turned to stone in a matter of seconds, and you forced out a response, “Oh, cool.” 

It was not “oh, cool” however, it was very much not cool. You and Wilbur had been friends since the third form, and while you weren’t incredibly close at first, you became much closer as time went on and as social circles grew smaller and smaller.  It came to the point where you two were inseparable, the best friend you’d had even until now. Your “fling” couldn't even really be classified as such. Despite how much you loved Wilbur Soot, you and him just never seemed to break that barrier, save for one weekend in your final year of A-levels. You’d planned to go to prom together, neither of you being romantically involved with anyone else, but you never actually made it to prom. You both went and sat in a field outside the back of the school, sharing a bottle of vodka he’d lifted from his stepdad’s stash. It was then that he’d opened up to you about how embarrassed he felt to be leaving school without having ever kissed a girl before. The mixture of his vodka and your love for him ultimately amounted to a few sloppy kisses, a moment’s worth of making out, before the two of you both had to run from a counselor who was looking for any delinquent students. Neither of you ever addressed it again. 

The years you two had known each other eventually culminated in the same relationship that you had with most people these days: you leaving him and losing contact. You didn’t mean to leave him behind, but between a full scholarship in London and his insistence on how shitty London is, you had to leave. 

You thought about him frequently. There were numerous nights where you’d open up his contact and attempt to draft a message, but it always ended in watching the cursor blink as you struggled to find the words. Honestly, you never thought you’d see him again. You knew nothing about him anymore, what he was like, what he was doing. It was impossible to decide if you dreaded seeing him or would go out of your way to attempt to see him. 

After catching up with your family for a bit longer, you decided to step out. Honestly, you didn’t know where you were going. It was late, almost midnight, and you just needed the fresh air. After walking into town, you found the one thing that would realistically be open this time of night: the pub. It was mostly empty, save for a few older folks sitting in some booths around the wall. You recognized the bartender, he was a few years above you back in school, but he always made an effort to be kind to everyone. He grinned at you once you sat at the bar. 

“Well, if it isn’t Y/N L/N. Shit, I would’ve thought you died," he chuckled, "You visiting for the holidays?” 

“Yep. And trust me, I’d quite rather be dead than be around my whole family all day.” 

He laughed, “Let me guess, a martini for the sophisticated Londoner?” 

You laughed back, “God, no, I haven’t exactly been converted over yet. Just a pint.”

“Still the same as before?” 

“Mmhm,” you nodded out, sighing softly. Being here felt a lot less tense than being at home. At least here you didn’t have to deal with the hushed fights and curses whispered between spouses. 

Wilbur had been incredibly excited by the idea of being alone when he first arrived at his old house a week before. It wasn’t long before it got old. 

“Alright, chat, who should we raid?” 

His chat moved rapidly in response to his words. He’d been playing Minecraft with Tommy, not unlike usual, but he’d been live for an hour and a half, which was a long time to hold up a persona for. Once he’d ended, he stayed on call with Tommy through Discord. 

“I dunno, man. I like being alone, like having the place to myself, but I’ve never felt so lonely,” Wilbur paused, “This place is way bigger than I remember.”

“So go somewhere,” Tommy offered.

Wilbur groaned, “You do understand that there is nothing to do here. It’s part of the reason I settled on Brighton.”

“Oh, c’mon, there’s gotta be something there for you to do. Don’t you have at least, like, a park or a pub maybe? You could go meet women!” 

“Tommy, I know every woman in this town, nobody has moved here or left here since I left,” he sighed, “we do have a pub though. Honestly, that’s not a bad idea. I could go for a drink.” 

“See! Just gotta think outside the box. Have a little optimism, man. Maybe you’ll see that person you knew in school.” 

“Tommy, don’t.” Wilbur genuinely considered leaving the call, his heart sinking at the mention of his old friend, “They haven’t been back since they left, alright?” 

“Yeah, but you never know! Have you thought about what you’d say to them if you did see them?” 

“No,” he groaned, “I don’t know why I’m humoring this, but if I saw them, I’d probably be nice. As much as it hurts, I miss them, and it’s not like I reached out much either, so.” 

Tommy hummed, “Wilbur the Wise, you are. At least maybe if you do see them, you’ll be much less bored.” 

“Yeah, I suppose,” Wilbur sighed, pulling an old beanie on. “Alright, I’m going to head out, talk to you later, man.” 

“Have fun!” 

Wilbur hung up the call after a moment, sighing a bit as he stretched. While he didn’t actually want to go to the pub, it was a better idea than staying in another night. Plus, at least he could get to walk his old path and try and see some of the cats he always used to stop for. 

His walk did end up taking quite a while. He only spotted two cats on the way, but he’d given them as much attention and love as they’d allow. But that wasn’t really what took up so much of his time. He kept going back to what Tommy had asked. Honestly, he did not even consider he’d see you here. For a long time  after you’d left for school, he thought that one day he’d see you walking to the shops and he’d go up to you, and just by saying hello, everything would feel like it used to. After a while, he’d lost hope that he’d ever see you again. He’d tried to find you online, some scrap to see how you had been and to see if you were okay, but he knew he couldn’t exactly just follow you without the risk of questions. He cursed himself for a long while over his pettiness in never reaching out. He thought about that prom night often. Part of him couldn’t make peace with the idea that his best friend, someone who he’d fallen in love with the second they’d spoken to him, was now just a stranger to him. It didn’t make sense to him, but  what made even less sense was when Wilbur opened the door to the pub to find you sitting alone at the bar. 

Wilbur’s breathing went full stop when he saw you. He couldn’t feel his fingers, but whether that was from the cold or the shock he felt seeing you, he couldn’t tell. Once he could feel his body again, he felt his heart pounding in his chest. He’d have to make a choice right now, and he’d have to make one he wouldn’t eventually regret, but-

“Wilbur! Mate, close the door, would you, you’re lettin' in a draft!” 

You felt frozen in your seat when you heard the bartender– whose name, you were kindly reminded, was Liam– yell to Wilbur. You didn’t know if you wanted to look up at him or look anywhere but him. Eventually, curiosity got the best of you, and you looked up directly into his eyes as he stood in the doorway. He seemed to come back to life after a second, turning to walk towards the bar. 

“Uh, right, sorry, man. Could I get a pint?” 

He sat across the corner of the bar, close but still seemingly holding you at a distance. 

After Liam walked away, he turned back to you, and for a moment, you both stared, trying to find words. He’d grown quite fit since the last time you’d seen him. He was still  tall, but not quite as lanky. His shoulders have filled out nicely.  

You decided to start, stuttering a bit as you began, “Hi, Wilbur.”

He seemed to think for a moment before the look faded from his face and something kinder replaced it, “Hi.” 

“How- um,” you contemplated even asking, but you’d rather ask than be sitting here in awkward silence with the boy you’ve loved for years, “How have you been?” 

“I’ve been…” He took in a breath, a moment to compose himself, before responding, “I’ve been good, actually. How about you?” 

You considered lying. “I’m okay, could be better but…”

“But?” 

“Well, I’m still doing the whole uni thing, so still just living in London. Not many developments.” 

“Right. How is London?” 

You thought back to your apartment. Your shitty apartment and your three roommates who you never spoke to, the leaks in the ceilings, the constant noise, the crowds, the grey fogs that would weigh down on your lungs, the deaths on the tube, the harassment just from walking to campus, everything. “It sucks. The city is horrible,” you sighed, “The school is alright, though. The people are standoffish and don’t talk, but the education is good.”

Wilbur looked as though he was fighting off a smile, taking a sip from the beer he’d been given. “I’m sorry to hear that. Glad the school is good. It may not be my place exactly, but do you mind if I say something?” 

Dread filled your chest. “Well, you have to now.” 

A smile crossed his face, his eyes wrinkling at the corners. “I told you so.” 

A moment of processing passed before you burst into laughter. Of course, after all the years you knew Wilbur Soot, you probably could have predicted that would be the first thing he’d want to say to you. 

“Okay, okay, I can admit. Maybe you were a little right. I’ve got my regrets, but despite the city, I don’t hate my choice,” you took a sip from your pint, “what about you? How’s life been?” 

He shrugged a bit, “I’d say good. I did some schooling online and graduated a bit ago. Been doing some work, uh, online, so yeah. It’s been good.” 

“Oh, that sounds cool. Anything I’d know?” 

 “Uh, maybe…” He went quiet for a moment before continuing, “I work for Twitch if you know that company.” 

You shrugged, “I know of them. That’s cool though, I’m glad you found something you enjoy.” 

He smiled a bit, “Yeah, it’s been nice. I’ve made quite a few friends.”

“Really?” That was a bit of a surprise, “Shy little Wilby is making work friends?” 

He seemed to flush a bit, chuckling, “I’ve gotten better about the shyness.” 

“That’s good. You seem to be doing better in that department than I have. I haven’t changed much at all, I think.” 

He hummed, pondering. He stared for a moment, and you almost felt shy under his gaze. Finally, after what felt like ages, he spoke up, “You do your hair differently. You used to part it to the side.” 

You laughed, surprised by the unexpected statement, instinctively reaching up to fix some stray hairs. It brought a blush up to your cheeks, as you couldn’t remember the last time someone had noticed such a small detail as that. You bit your lip for a moment before responding, “Yeah, I- I guess so. Though, to be fair, we kind of had the whole edginess thing going on back then. Had to look the part.”

“Very true,” He snorted a bit, “I still listen to the same music for the most part though.” 

“Oh, let me guess. Favorite band is still Los Campesinos!?” 

“Yeah,” he laughed, “though I play a bit of my music now too.” 

“Oh?” that was a major development. Wilbur spent a significant amount of time in school talking about how much he wanted to play music, always humming some tune to himself, “Will, that’s fantastic. You’ll have to show me sometime.” 

“I could show you now, if you’d like. I’m just watching the house for my parents, so I brought some of my music equipment with me.”

You don’t know what made you so willing to say yes. Maybe it was the fact that you’d finished your pint. Maybe it was just the way that being here and talking to Wilbur made the heaviness in your chest finally lighten up since you first realized you’d have to go home. Either way, before you knew it, you and Wilbur were walking back to his place, chatting lightly the whole way there. 

“Wow, this place hasn’t changed.” 

You took off your coat as you and Wilbur entered his front door. 

“My parent’s haven’t made much of an effort to change things. They think the nineties are still in.” He joked lightly as he locked the door behind you both. 

You chuckled, “Yeah, I can see that.” You followed him up the stairs, “So, you said you were just watching the place for them. I take it you don’t live here anymore?” 

“Nope, I’ve been living in Brighton, actually. I think you’d really like it. It’s still England, so it’s not great, but the ocean is gorgeous.” 

“I’ve been meaning to go down there, actually. It’s only about an hour's train from me, so sometimes my roommates go down there for long weekends. I just haven’t had the time.” 

He hummed, “Well, whenever you do have the time, let me know. I’ve got a pretty nice spare room. Plus, I could introduce you to my mates.”

You smiled softly, mostly to yourself, “Yeah. That would be nice.” 

He sat down on his bed, reaching behind him and grabbing his guitar.  You  took a moment to look around the room. The same posters were still hung up, the dents in the wall from you and him goofing off and throwing things, even the scuffs on the floorboards from when you and him rearranged all his furniture. In the years of separation, you expected more of a difference. The only actual difference was that the room was cleaned for once. You hesitated before sitting next to him as you made your observations. He noticed. 

“What’s up?” 

I shrugged, “It’s weird. Being back here, I mean. I haven’t sat here since A-levels.”

He nodded, thinking it over for a moment. “Yeah. It is a bit weird. Doesn’t it kind of seem like nothing’s changed though?” He chuckled, “I mean, despite the time gap, you always did say being here made you feel safe.” 

“Yeah,” I sighed, “the feeling is still there. I just feel… weird. I’m used to missing you and all of our memories, but I’m not used to being here again after everything that has changed.” 

He smiled slightly, “you missed me?”

I chuckled, “Obviously, man. I missed you every day. Missed having a best friend to bully.” 

He snorted, “Hey, all of our bullying was friendly. Unlike some of the other wankers at our school.”

You laughed, throwing your head back, “Oh god, yeah. Bloody hell, man, I feel bad for their kids. Marshall’s going into medicine, and my god, I pray I never end up as his patient. I feel like his negligence alone would kill me.” 

Wilbur laughed, leaning into you a bit. “God, that is not a man who should have a medical license,” he sighed softly. “Don’t fret, though. I missed you a lot too. I missed having someone yell at me to go outside or cut my hair.” 

You laughed, “Yeah, my yelling comes from a good place, though.” 

He hummed, “True. It did help me not go stir-crazy for a while there.” He paused for a moment, turning towards you slightly. “Wait, if you missed me, then… why didn’t you ever call?” 

You took a deep breath, sighing softly. “Honestly, at first… I thought you might be mad at me for leaving. We did kind of have a whole argument about it, and I didn’t know if you’d want to hear from me. And then, once some time had passed, I considered it. I considered looking you up and trying to talk to you, or even just texting you, but I just felt like it might’ve been weird for me to just text you out of the blue. I didn’t want you to think I was just contacting you because I needed something or something stupid like that. I got busy, and more time passed, and reaching out just felt weirder and weirder each time I considered it.” 

He nodded softly. He didn’t make eye contact as he listened and thought. “If I’m being honest as well, I didn’t want to hear from you at first. I was pretty upset. But after a while, I just missed my best friend. And I was going to text you, but I thought you’d be upset with how we left things. I wanted you to reach out because if I had hurt you, I couldn’t handle reaching out only to get anger, or even worse, just silence,” He sighed, “but if I knew you were thinking the same, I would have dedicated as much effort as I have to keep you in my life.” 

You flushed a bit, “I would have too.” You made eye contact with him and everything felt warm for a moment, as if his gaze was sunlight peering through dark clouds. 

“Now that I know, though,” he started, “I am going to annoy the fuck out of you.”

You laughed loudly at that, grinning up at him, “I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’ve got a few years to make up for after all.” 

He grinned softly, looking down for a moment. He pulled his guitar up a bit, smiling, “Well, now that that’s settled. Let me play you something.” 

Wilbur’s music was beautiful. He played for an hour before he decided to stop, something about not wanting to play anything he hadn’t quite finished yet. 

“Always the perfectionist, you are,” you commented as he placed his guitar down. 

“Not always, I’ve gotten better about it. But I want to impress you mostly.” 

“Really?” He sat back down on the bed next to you, “You wanted to impress me?” 

He nodded, humming out a soft ‘mmhm’. 

“If I knew we were trying to impress each other, I would’ve made my life sound much cooler.” 

“Oh, really, how so?” 

“I dunno, would’ve made it sound like I have some millionaire boyfriend who takes me to Spain for a casual date.” 

He hesitated, his teeth taking his bottom lip in thought. “Do you have one?”

“A millionaire boyfriend?” You laughed out, “No, Wilbur, I d-“

“No, I just meant like, a boyfriend.” 

“Oh.” You frowned a bit, “No. I don’t. Haven’t exactly gotten to know many people there. Plus, all the men are quite shit.” 

He nodded, “Just like everything else in London?”

“Pretty much,” You chuckled softly, “What about you though? A handsome guy like you in Brighton, I’m sure you’ve gotten yourself, someone, by now.”

He shrugged, “Tried it out for a while, but I just didn’t have much luck.” He stopped as he processed your response in full, “Hold on, handsome? You think I’m handsome?” He teased. 

You lightly blushed, rolling your eyes, “Obviously, man. You’ve always been quite fit. Especially with that haircut rather than that straight line cut you used to have.” 

He laughed, “God, that was horrendous. Well, wait, how about now,” he took his hands and pushed his hair back, revealing his forehead. 

You burst out laughing, “Somehow, yes, even if your forehead takes up half your face.” 

He laughed, moving his hands and shaking his head to get his hair to fall back into place. “I can safely say, I find myself quite flattered. Especially coming from an incredibly pretty person such as yourself.” 

You flushed a soft pink, “You think?”

“No, I don’t think, I just know facts.” 

You blushed darker, chuckling. “Well, thanks.” You lightly nudged him with your side. 

He repeated the action, albeit slightly harder. You two did this for a moment, each going slightly harder until he’d accidentally gone a bit too hard, knocking both of you down. 

You both laughed, him laying his head against your side for a moment, before pulling himself up and holding himself up by his arm above you. 

“You’re still as goofy, Mr. Soot.” 

“Only with you.” 

“Oh?”

“Actually, no. But this kind of goofy, yes.” 

“And what kind is that?” 

He just stared down at you for a moment. You felt yourself flush a bit under his gaze, and you stared back up at him. The light from his room gave him a soft halo glow around his head that made him look completely angelic. You’d always thought him attractive, but fuck he was ethereal like this. 

“The kind I do to make pretty people laugh.” 

Your breath hitched, but you were quiet otherwise. You couldn’t remember a time when your best friend was ever so… bold. Maybe part of you was reading into the tension, but the most gorgeous man you’d ever know just called you pretty. That plus his position above you was enough to make your heartbeat faster. You wanted to kiss him. Something in you felt so strongly the urge to wrap your hands around his neck and kiss him. For some reason you couldn’t quite fathom, though, you didn’t. 

“Well, feels nice being special, then.” 

He laid down next to you, the both of you just staring at the ceiling for a few quiet moments as the tension diffused. 

He turned to you. “I can’t tell if I still know almost everything about you or if I know nothing anymore.” 

“I can’t tell either.” You turned back to him, sighing, “Honestly, you probably still know more about me than I do.” 

“You think?” 

You nodded. 

He thought to himself, “Still play Minecraft?” 

“God, no,” You laughed, “I wish. I just don’t have the time for anything like that. I’ve just been studying constantly.” 

“Unfortunate. If you ever need a break from studying, we could always play together.” He hummed, “ They’ve added a lot of cool things to the game.”

“You still play?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I play a lot. It’s a fantastic narrative tool, in fact.”

“Oh, really?”

“If you have enough people willing to work out a story and act it out, it makes for a cool platform to tell stories.” 

You smiled, despite it being only for Wilbur’s sake. Honestly, you were sad that you didn’t know what he was talking about. 

“What’s up?” 

“Hm?” You questioned softly. 

“Something’s wrong. I still know one of your fake smiles when I see them.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, “no, it’s just… I missed you. I’m a bit bummed that I can’t see the cool stuff you’ve done since.”

“Well,” he started, rubbing the back of his neck, “actually, you can.” 

You gave him a confused look as he continued. 

“You know how I mentioned I worked for Twitch?” You nodded, “well when I say that, I mean that I stream, actually, so playing live for people and that includes all my stories.”

“Wilbur, that’s amazing.”

“I know,” he laughed, “I’m still shocked people are interested in what I write and create.” 

“If they’re anything like your DnD campaigns, I’m not shocked at all.”

He laughed again, throwing his head back, “Oh, man, I loved making those as convoluted as possible though, you were the one who made the stories make sense. These are more streamlined since we have to deal with so many different schedules and coordinate stuff.” 

“God, that sounds stressful. I can barely coordinate plans with one person.” 

He shrugged, “It’s easier since streaming is all of our jobs. It’s more like assigning work shifts.”

You hummed, “That makes sense.”

“Yeah, I can send you some stuff from it. Though, be warned, without your aid, some pieces of lore are wildly convoluted.” 

You chuckled, “I expect nothing less.” 

You and Wilbur continued to talk for hours, just catching each other up on life and new habits, and every detail missed between the cracks of time you two were separated from each other. You couldn’t be sure when you or Will fell asleep, but you woke up feeling safer than you’d had in a long time. When you’d briefly woken up to the morning light coming through the blinds, and you noticed his lanky arm wrapped around you, you gently reached down and held his hand in yours before falling back into the kind arms of rest. 

You woke up again about two hours later. You were facing him now, both of your legs wrapped between each other, and his arm was still lightly cupping your back. You opened your eyes to see him still sleeping, a soft and peaceful expression on his face. You gently reached a hand up to brush some of his hair away from his eyes. You were so busy staring at his soft features that you barely noticed his eyes open. 

“Good morning to you too, then,” he spoke, his voice laced with sleep. 

Your hand jumped back, a blush immediately rising to your cheeks, “Sorry.”

“‘s alright. Felt quite nice, actually.” He blinked the sleep out of his eyes after a moment, and he flushed himself, going to move his hand off your waist, “Oh, sorr-“

“No.” You stopped him, his arm halting midair, “It’s okay. It felt quite nice,” you said, mimicking his words from a moment ago. 

He blushed, cautiously lowering his arm back onto your side. 

“Did you sleep well?” He asked. 

“Yeah. Your room feels more familiar than mine, honestly.” 

He chuckled, his laughter slightly gruff from the early morning, “You probably spent more time here than at your own place, so I can’t say I’m shocked.”

You laughed, “Oh, almost definitely. What about you, did you sleep well?” 

He smiled at you, nodding, “Best I’ve slept since I got here. I felt much less lonely.” 

“I know what you mean. My room kind of just feels cold. Not temperature-wise, but just like,” you sighed, “you know what I mean.”

“Luckily, I do.” He smiled, “You’re welcome to stay here again, if you like.”

You hummed, “I might consider it. Though I would like to stop home to put on something clean.” 

He nodded, “Right, of course, yeah. I actually have to stream today, too, so, if anything, just,” he trailed off, “text me around eight?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, “That sounds good. I can bring some food from home too, given that I know you have probably just been eating takeout or, god forbid, have been trying to cook by yourself.”

“Hey, I’m much better at cooking than I used to be,” he laughed. “You’re right about the takeout, though.” 

You snorted, “I know you well, Mr. Soot.” 

He smiled fondly, “You sure do.” 

The two of you just lay there quietly, basking in the early air and light. After a few minutes, you sighed, leaning your head against his chest quietly. 

“Is everything alright?” He whispered. 

You nodded against him, burying your face deeper against him while he wrapped his arms tighter around you. You felt emotional all of a sudden as you held onto him: Your best friend, who you’d secretly loved for years. And now, you thought about what held you back in the past. The main thing you were afraid of was losing him, but in the end, that ended up happening anyway. Love confession or not, you lost him, and now, you were given another chance by whatever fateful creature may exist out there. And as insistent as you were to not lose this chance, your logic stopped you. This trip was just that: a trip. In two weeks, you’d be back to your place in London and he would be back in Brighton. But yet there was an ache in your chest, consistent with longing and want but entirely unattainable. 

“Stop thinking so much,” he spoke softly, placing his chin on top of your head. 

“Wilbur, you know that is entirely impossible for me.” 

“Okay,” he trailed off, “then do you want to talk about it, so it can at least be out of your head?”

You did. You wanted to talk about it all, in its entirety, if only just to know if the ache present in your chest matched an ache in him. But you couldn’t. If that ache wasn’t present in him, who would you be to share it with him? The solution seemed to lie in half-truths.

“I’m just thinking about how I go home in two weeks and how much I’m dreading it. I don’t want to go back to schoolwork.”

He hummed, nodding, “It’s probably not helpful to say, but if you dwell on that the whole time you’re here, then it will come twice as fast. You’ve got to slow your brain down a bit. Try and just be in the moment.” 

You snorted, “That’s rich coming from you.” 

He chuckled, “Hey, my anxiety might take over sometimes, but it really does help to try and just focus on what’s happening, you know. You’re safe here,” he lightly kissed the top of your head, “so just focus on being here.” 

You sighed, “I’ll try.” You shifted your focus to the soft sound of his heartbeat against your ear, the feeling of his arms wrapped around your back. Every detail was comprised of him. 

You eventually did have to go home, after receiving a frantic call from your mum about how you “couldn’t just sneak off every time you got bored” which, granted, you disagreed with; you knew this town like the back of your hand, and you’re an adult so it’s not like she can dictate your every move. When you made it home, you went to your room to change and shower, but your thoughts immediately drifted back to Will. You never really noticed just how many minute details you had memorized, like the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, or the way he would tilt his head back when something that caught him offguard made him really laugh. You thought about the way he would hiccup in between laughter so strong it made his ribs hurt. The sly smile he would give you when you made eye contact but neither of you had anything to say.  Your thoughts were entirely consumed by him. 

By the time it was dinner, you had done almost extensive research into Wilbur’s online persona. You watched as many videos as you could, some of his, some of them fan-made. It was a weird concept, your best friend having fans. You’d gone onto the online space briefly before backing away. You didn’t exactly want to intrude on fan debates given how much you knew about Wilbur really. It was odd watching him talk to his chat and everything. It was so different. He didn’t seem like the shy, almost moody, boy you knew. He was much more confident and comfortable. It did warm your heart to see him being so strong in himself. Your mind wonderer over this new information, how different he was from the person you knew, as you ate. You almost didn’t hear your mum speaking to you. 

“Dear, are you listening?”

You brought yourself out of your thoughts, grimacing. She hated when you weren’t listening, “Oh, sorry. No, uhm, what’s up?” 

She frowned, giving you a cold stare, “I asked if you’ve found any jobs lined up yet. For after graduation?” 

You sighed, “Not yet, Mum.”

“Because my old work friend, Charles, he could use the extra folks there. They’re looking into expanding into America.” She never actually cared much about what you wanted to do, always trying to push you into the field she wanted you to pursue. 

“I’ll be fine. I can find a job myself. And Charles doesn’t even work in the same field my degree is in.” 

“Just trying to help,” she tutted, tucking her arms defensively in front of her. “What’s on your mind these days?” 

You shrugged tensely, “School and work. I haven’t had time for much else.”

She cooed, almost mocking, “You really should be looking into a relationship, dearie. You don’t want all the good ones taken, right?” 

“God, mum, stop that. I’m fine on my own.” 

“But are you happy?” She laughed, as if taunting you. 

“I resent the implication that I cannot be perfectly fine and happy on my own without the presence of another person to fulfill me.” You spat.

“I’m not saying that specifically, I’m just saying, you really ought to try harder. I’m sure most people don’t find your constant sweatpants that attractive.” 

You groaned, standing. “I can’t be here for this anymore.” 

She did this every year. Constantly reminding you of your own loneliness under the guise of being thoughtful and caring, rather than just understanding that you are your own person who’d rather be alone before feeling like someone’s personal doll. 

You strode to the kitchen, filling a container with some leftovers for Wilbur as your mother tried helplessly to justify her own points. You waved her off, grabbing your bag before walking out the door.

You let out a sigh once you headed out. You walked to the end of the street and sat on the curb, pulling out your phone to text Wilbur. Once you got confirmation that you could come, you stood and walked the short distance to his place.

He opened the door, and you walked in casually. 

“You look annoyed about something,” he noted. 

“I would like you to take a wild guess,” you hummed, handing him the leftovers. 

He murmured a quick ‘thank you’ before responding, “Your mum?” 

“Still as bad as before, she is.” 

He sighed, “At least you’ve got mine to hide out at. Want to watch a movie or something?” 

taglist: @shubblelive / @superioritycomplexes (dm me or send an ask to be added!)

[mrultra100]

Time for a quick big-brain thought

I know that I’ve made an entire hypothetical scenario for how a third PHP season would go last year, along with how the series itself hasn’t mentioned in any major announcements as of late, but what if this hypothetical third season had a major theme with its episodes?

As in, instead of using habitats as the themes, why not go with entire locales instead? Maybe this could be the show going back to some of its most famous settings before closing things out, but I feel like having future episodes focus on an entire location instead of a single biome in general could be an interesting way to deal with running out of compatible habitats. Hell, it could be a good way to not only introduce new species, but also bring back certain animals from past episodes. I know this is a little bit far fetched, but hear me out.

Nemegt (Basically the Nemegt Formation and the surrounding area)

Old Species- Tarbosaurus, Mononykus, Deinocheirus, Tarchia, Prenocephale, Barsboldia

New Species- Gallimimus, Udanoceratops, Saurolophus, Conchoraptor, Adasaurus, Brodavis

Patagonia (The southern part of South America, with places like the Allen, La Colonia, and Cerro Fortaleza Formations being found there. Areas like Chile could also fit)

Old Species- Carnotaurus, Dreadnoughtus, Austroraptor, Secernosaurus, Mortuneria (if we wanna continue with the idea of them being South American residents)

New Species- Maip, Stegouros, Aerotitan, Gondwanatherium, Sektensaurus, Noasaurus

Madagascar (Basically what it says on the tin)

Old Species- Majungasaurus, Rapetosaurus, Beelzebufo, Simosuchus, Adalatherium, Masiakasaurus, Madtsoia

New Species- Facatakely, Mahajangasuchus, Sahonachelys, Rahonavis, Vintana

Tethys (The European archipelago and surrounding sea, with places like Hateg Island, France, and even a small bit of Morocco being examples)

Old Species- Hatzegopteryx, Zalmoxes, Mosasaurus, Telmatosaurus, Barbaridactylus, Diplomoceras

New Species- Squalicorax, Ampelosaurus, Ocepechelon, Gavialimimus, Gargantuavis, Rhabdodon

Laramidia (Yes, I am aware that this could be like “North America” again, but with place like Hell Creek, Prince Creek, Ojo Alamo, and even parts of the inland sea that was still present at the time, there’s plenty of material to work with, even moreso than NA)

Old Species- T. Rex, Triceratops, Quetzalcoatlus, Alamosaurus, Edmontosaurus, Pachycephalosaurus, Pectinidon, Pachyrhinosaurus, Nanuqsaurus, Prognathodon, Hesperornis, Xiphactinus

New Species- Ankylosaurus, Anzu, Habrosaurus, Lonchidion, Thescelosaurus, Borealosuchus, Basilemys, Didelphodon, Bravoceratops, Bonnerichthys, Hydrotherosaurus

Is this a rather odd and ridiculous idea for a third PHP season that might not happen? Yes, yes it is. But, like with my of my other ideas and projects on here, it’s one that I wanna share to get input on.

[maks-arts]

RPG OC

(Click for better quality)

This is my character for the Paranormal Order RPG that I play, he's already a bit screwed because we're at the end of the first season of the campaign.

Information and translations under the cut

Translating some things, his name is Eduardo "Edu" Siqueira and he is a knowledgeable occultist. Before joining the Order he was a history professor who was (still is) passionate about the mysteries of the Middle Ages and researched very deeply about it, one day he discovered the paranormal and started researching more about it, at some point the Order arrested him, but in the end, because he was innocent, he was released and started working in a team.

(The arrow pointing says "loose hair")

As a good agent of the Order he lost his family, but he only cares about the loss of his little brother, he swore he would find a way to bring him back to life. At the moment his brother (surprisingly) came back to life because of a group of occultists, his face is disfigured and you can bet Edu had a panic attack when he received the information that his brother was alive (thanks and fuck you GM)

What about his scar you may ask? Well, he's the type to smile at everything, better saying- he fakes his smiles, always hiding what he feels and smiling to calm others down. As a gift, he was one of the Traveler's victims and survived, gaining that scar that will forever form a smile on his face (fuck you again GM)

Fun facts:

- His brother's name is Henrique and he is/was 10 years old, making them 13 years apart.

- Edu came from an abusive home, having severe anxiety because of everything he went through when he was younger.

- The rubber ducky on his belt was given by Henrique. His brother gave it to him as a gift to help with his anxiety attacks.

- The other green glove is with Henrique, they exchanged a pair of gloves when Edu left their house.

- Edu is originally from Rio Grande do Sul, Carpazinha (yes, the one from OSNF), he moved to São Paulo because of the greater opportunities the city offered.

- His father and brother were killed by his mother (she had died and turned into a paranormal creature).

- He's very good friends with a energy fighter called Hortênsia (my best friend's character :P).

- Edu considers Hortênsia his sister, but won't admit it.

- His pronouns are he/him.

- Because of the Traveler's attack he permanently doesn't remember one of his teammates, luckily it's someone he doesn't like.

- The sigils on his body tell the story of his life, so all the domestic abuse he has ever suffered, all the fights he has ever witnessed, the death of his family, the near death of his companions and the formation of his scar are all written on his body (and he can read these sigils).

- And for info, his NEX is 50%, his atual HP is 36/50 and his sanity is 11/65 (he lost a lot of sanity when he saw his brother "alive" again).

Well, that's everything for now, thanks for reading ^^

[florallylly]

side b: steve harrington

side a side a: eddie munson

side b

explanation post

FORGET THE FORMATTING!!! PLS BE QUIET!!! anyways into steve harrington. his playlist is SAUR bubblegum lesbian pop. and tbh i really tried to kind of blend new/old in side a with eddie and make it smth MAYBE he would listen to? but steve, i automatically pegged him as 80s pop and lesbian music like. you probably listen to bruce springsteen but in my heart u know who rina sawayama is. anyways yes steve harrington coping through partying and then falling in lurv.

YES he admits it as soon as it happens bc he's emotionally intelligent and he knows himself thank u for coming to my ted talk

“Perfect Places” Lorde; “Have another drink, get lost in us/this is how we get notorious” “Every night, I live and die/meet somebody, take ‘em home” YEAH…. steve harrington coping post season-2 and stancy break up by  partying and drinking and sleeping around. like i see it…. i was there and it’s so. desperation to find peace and eventually settling for oblivion bc nothing is better than everything 

“Heaven/Hell” CHVRCHES; this song is so steve harrington to me i can’t even describe…. like it’s so disillusionment with his former sense of self and what he used to attach importance to. and he feels like a fraud and also an imposter, surrounded by people who he’s outgrown. and somehow it also feels like no one has truly realized that vital shift. it’s SAUR “is it right if i’m a perfect actress/playing the princess in distress?” “is it alright if i save myself and/if i clean up my own mess” IDK. why is that so steve to me. 

“Stand Back” Stevie Nicks; like LIKE this song is so everyone wants me except for you/you’re the only one i want. idk…. steve harrington this is so you to me. he is so pining he is so what if he is so i built our future in my head and now everything is crumbling down around me. you have changed me so deeply that i can never go back to the same person i was before i met you. and the world around me stays stagnant and stuck in time, with me out like a sore thumb. like i’m sobbing crying frothing at the mouth…. 

“Head Over Heels/Broken” Tears for Fears; a classic… a classic… but also like a little mashup moment to make it narratively appropriate in my head. also the applause at the end is giving the curtains are down the performance is over… king steve lays down his crown… AM I INSANE IN THIS MOMENT… 

“Honey Understand” Noso; to me this is a little bit of a moment like if i’m misinterpreting this song wrong SO embarrassing. but literally?? i think it’s so steve… bc it’s like in any break up it’s always going to be him at fault because he’s the ladies man and the popular jerk. he’s always going to be made out to be a villain in certain people’s eyes. like what am i even saying but you get it right… and it’s like how can i even keep fighting when i’m already crumbling apart. but also you’ll never know bc i’ll never let anyone know how bad it is … i’m unwell 

“Deliverance” CHVRCHES; i think this is actually about religion (maybe?) but i’m thinking of it as more of a general framework or life view that steve held before the upside down. he’s had to rethink what’s important and what matters like fr…. and now that he’s spending more time with eddie and realizing things about… naur it’s like this moment is his watershed moment and he’s being set free of smth like… his king steve persona?? his guilt over barb?? any other head canon ??? or maybe it’s like his fucked up coping viewed as something that’s bringing him back to his “normal” self… like back 2 parties back 2 alcoholism 

“Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight” ABBA; like YEAH of course this song is on here. and it’s so hello steve harrington are you on the prowl are you looking for something so you can actually feel something

“Take Me Home Tonight” Eddie Money; pretty self explanatory like… steve harrington you are turning to sex to distract yourself and chasing the way you felt before. also in comparison to gimme gimme gimme, this is a more self aware reflection like. post nut clarity. but also in my head this is steve harrington meeting with eddie munson s2 and making the impulsive decision to follow him literally anywhere, kick starting everything that follows. 

“Yours” Now, Now; attraction bantering cockiness like it’s all there like it’s everything… it’s everything…. 

“Untouched” The Veronicas, I DON’T CARE IF IT DOESN’T FIT … this song is so important to me and it’s saur…. steve harrington you are getting attached steve harrington you are falling in love. to be clear this is before they get together or do anything like…. this is the pining this is the wanting 

“Don’t You Want Me” The Human League; so basically added for vibes, didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics and meaning. IT’S JUST SO …. 80s pop and 80s pop is so steve. HOWEVER i feel like i can use this as my little soap box bc “you were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar… turned you int someone new/now five years later on, you’ve got the world at your feet” is saur nancy and “the five years we have had have been such good at times, I still love you/ but now, i think it’s time i lived my life on my own” is SAUR steve. like nancy wheeler in s4 reflecting on steve’s changes and the fandom’s reflection of pushing this narrative that nancy was the main reason and the greatest influence on steve’s change. my pet peeve…. let’s not forget the trauma he went through that could have shook his entire worldview. also ??? he’s a big boy with his own thoughts let him have a little ponder. i would add more but i’m not capable of totally explaining this at all JUST !!! ugh but yeah steve harrington you are attracted to eddie munson song

“Forever Tonight” Kelechi; “love me like there’s no tomorrow/kiss me like we’re out of time” DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING??? I AM IN REAL PAIN!!! 

“I Was Made For Lovin’ You” KISS; KEYSTONE SONG. yes they fucked yes they fucked. and OKAY idc if it’s cheesy YOU try to fit in a semi-metal song into your 80s/lesbian pop playlist

“Lay All Your Love On Me” ABBA; OMG …. it is so necessary. that is all. LIKE SO NEEDED. 

“Hungry Eyes” Eric Carmen; it’s literally from dirty dancing like what else can i say… steve harrington is having his little romcom moment. honestly he’s practically one of the brat pack. he’s LIVING it he’s living it

“Keep on Loving You” REO Speedwagon; okay they were killing on anniversaries i just know it. like this is so my parent’s wedding. it’s so puffed sleeve dresses and slow dancing at prom and steve is a ROMANTIC. steve is a ROMANTIC in a small midwest town like. where was his prom king moment 

“Seven Wonders” Fleetwood Mac; lowkey a filler song but yes can anything compare to the beauty of this moment something very romantic. this is on the mixtape for sure 

“(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” Blue Oyster Cult; ONCE AGAIN I KNOW IT DOESNT FIT THAT WELL… but this is a keystone song… a metal song forcefully inserted into the playlist. this is supposed to mark the point where steve falls in love love. but what i got from the song is basically like. we’re going to die anyways let’s just fall in love. i’m sure that’s way simplistic but vibe… 

“Horses” Maggie Rogers; sorry I’m…. gay….? and it’s like it’s like it’s like i wanna be free i wanna be free with you do you wanna be free with me. in a more romantic and AHHHH way but like how do i even begin to try and describe how this song makes me feel like… unreal. but it’s also like a little stop for steve to doubt and think about what he’s feeling and deciding to do ??? idk where i was going with that. but yes my little interlude for pondering

“Black Butterflies and Deja Vu (Acoustic)” The Maine; keystone song keystone song. when steve admits he is in lurv of course. chose the acoustic version bc i feel like it fits better and also i think it’s more of a soft realization for steve rather than the absolute car wreck that is eddie. please understand my thoughts immediately 

[aerkame]

Hello! I’d like to send in a request, I’m not picky about format so you can do headcannons, a one shot, etc. ^^

Takes place during Transformers Prime Season 2, Episodes 1-2.

Orion Pax coming across Optimus’ human charge on the Nemesis (said GN!human charge is a mercenary who needs energon to survive because they’re kinda part Predacon due to MECH fucking around with a funny looking fossil they found; this’ll be relevant in a bit. They were with Arcee when she got into the ship, they jumped off her and hid in the little side crevice under the main walkway [something like what Bulkhead is crawling through in S2 Ep10: Armada 11:57] when Soundwave opened a ground bridge) They kinda have to beg him not to report them to Megatron, and he agrees (albeit very reluctantly).

They hide behind/under his workspace and he brings them energon so they don’t die✨ (apparently he’s gone for a long while [a few weeks to a month] and not like, a few days like I originally thought-)

They converse, having nothing better to do to pass the time, and Orion has a strong and fond sense of familiarity lingering in the back of his mind.

Little does he know he was developing strong feelings for them, back then as Optimus and now once more as Orion.

(I’m so sorry about how long it is but I felt like it would make sense if I didn’t explain-)

If this seems like too much please feel free to delete my request ^^”

Sorry for the late post!

Also it's alright, It is a long explanation, but good for the headcanons so I know what I'm working with. I'll try leaving some details vague though, as the whole purpose of me being strict on backgrounds or OCs is so that any reader can immerse themselves in what I post as simply the reader.

________________________________________________________

Optimus...well, Orion knew that something was very off the second he laid his optics on you. He had done enough research behind Megatron's back to know what planet he was on and the inhabitants on it, and you were not supposed to be like that. He could tell there were Cybertronian metals in your body, his only guess was experimentation of sorts. Orion was taken aback by this when you came rushing in for a place to hide and in his spark he knew he couldn't let an innocent fall to harm on his watch, this encounter stored in his memories now had only made him further question Megatron's motives. Too many secrets, too many inconsistencies, and too much loss of life. With you here staying with him (albeit in secret), Orion felt more at ease, finally having someone there to ground him on stressful days. When you do eventually need to refuel just like him, he always lets you get your fill first, tipping his cube of energon just enough to let you take sips. During this time his mind wanders a bit, curious as to how exactly you're still functioning after all this time in a body like yours. What happened to you? Who did this to you? How are you able to process energon like him? Every time these thoughts come up he's tempted to ask you but shies away from the idea of pushing you on a sensitive subject such as that, a habit of his old self, not something Optimus would do. It's until after you bring it up after venting to him does he hear about what really happened. It saddens him really...what happened to you, how much it just reminds him of his own world where corruption is everywhere, even on this young planet. He wishes he could help you, he really does, but he's not sure where he would start. Both you and Orion grew closer and closer over the time spent on the Nemesis, each day you'd tell him something new about Earth and in exchange he'd tell you something about Cybertron. Orion wasn't like Optimus in many ways, him being more open like this as one reason and Orion being far more gentle in his aura as another reason. Eventually you did try bringing up that Orion WAS a Prime, but he struggled with explaining his hesitance to believe you. As far as he knew, he was Orion Pax, right before the war started, nothing made sense to him anymore. It did not mean he was ignorant of Megatron's suspicious behavior though nor did he not believe you outright, He could tell for himself that this was not the mech he once knew. If anything he wanted to speak with someone from team Prime to hear their side of the story. It was risky sure, but with everything you had discussed with each other, he was willing to take that risk once the opportunity arrived. When there was a long period of free time, Orion opted to lay down on his berth and have long chats with you. Something about you just felt familiar and warm, and you were his only comfort while stuck on that ship. Every time you smiled or laughed his spark would feel light and he'd slowly begin smiling himself. Maybe soon he'll find a safe way for you to leave the ship, and then you two could meet again, but for now, he would enjoy your presence with him. This growing relationship did not go unnoticed however...Megatron knew you could be a threat to his plans, but for now, you seemed to be keeping Orion's mind in tact, something he needed if he wanted the best work out of him. The warlord could not help but feel a pang of anger though when he saw how Orion looked at you, he knew that look all too well.

Note: Sorry if there are any errors, I'm still sick and I might not be thinking straight.

[once-upon-a-time-the-end]

last reblog:

This is honestly a huge rant of mine to basically anyone that knows me. There are very few shows these days that I feel inclined to watch in part because everything is so damn short, often to its own detriment. Remember Wednesday??? I honestly can't even remember what happened in that series. They crammed so much into such few episodes that nothing got the development and breathing room that it deserved. Meanwhile, I re-watch episodes of Buffy and am like 'oh I love this episode!' 'this is the episode when [thing] happens!'

American television really got the 20+ season down in the best way and then we decided to throw it all away for some godforsaken reason (probably bc wall street, greedy investors, no one wanting to pay writers, and fucking tech companies but goddamn). And then they think 'well gee everyone just want to rewatch episodes of the office so that must mean that we should just reboot all the old stuff that people loved'. Totally missing the point that actually good storytelling goes a long way toward something becoming as rewatchable and valuable as Friends, X-Files, Star Trek, etc are now. No, people just want Nostalgia amiright??????

I mean, literally, do you know that studios these days use algorithm bullshit to determine whether a project gets the funding? They want some Name person usually to be attached (someone famous enough) that the Algorithm has determined is 'bankable'. That's why you get useless sales tactics like 'from the executive producers of [film you liked]!!' That's not a real metric for whether something is actually good. Same shit with the whole Reboot garbage. The people who have the money and are making decisions literally do not do it based on quality of the project or quality of storytelling; these people have absolutely no ability to judge that (deliberately illiterate fucks they are). The American film/TV industry is literally being jerked around by who's basically a better used car salesman and algorithms. It's a miracle that there's anything at all that is actually good these days.

Now don't get me wrong, I do like limited, short series. But typically the best ones are LIMITED, as in, not trying to be multi-season series. Good examples are series like Haunting of Hill House and Midnight Mass. They tell a short story but make it richer and fuller than a film. Like a real structured multi-chapter novel but as television.

My personal opinion is that anything shorter than 16 episodes should be a limited series. Multi-season series should have a standard of 20+ episodes. I would say some exceptions; I always thought Breaking Bad did half-seasons really well, but it's also not a show that I, personally, would rewatch (though my dad does). A lot of the ones that I love re-watching have more individualized episodes that make up a longer story arc. We did that structure so well. That's why you can be excited to re-watch individual episodes of older shows, because each one had, more or less, contained plots even if they connected to the overarching story.

Both of these types should coexist!!! I would actually love to see more limited series!!! I've said it before, but we should totally import the south korean 16 episode limited series format—they really have an excellent formula for limited series. But can we also bring back the 20+ episode season shows???? I'm starving out here in the desert!!!

[bjsmall]

16.05.24

Mum found my classic 'Songs for Every Assembly' music CD.

The CD features various primary school classic songs which were sung by my class at the Pilgrims' Way School. Out of the Ark's Songs for Every Assembly was released in 1998. It features easy listening and life songs for children.

My parents ordered it from the Out of the Ark online store when I was at the school.

The songs were composed by Mark & Helen Johnson, the songs are sung by the Out of the Ark choir.

It contains 30 tracks, 15 which are vocal and 15 which are backing tracks. Many of the songs are based on traditional hymns.

The CDs came with songbooks and also contain 'Words on Screen™' software which displays lyrics on screen.

More recently Out of the Ark's albums are available digitally for schools.

Out of the Ark assembly album music link:

https://www.outoftheark.co.uk/songs-for-every-assembly.html

I decided to use my Linux Mint laptop to extract them from the CD.

I installed and used the free and open source Asunder CD Ripper tool and set the audio format to .mp3 at 320kpbs. I had to install the LAME MP3 codec which was easy to do. I installed them through the Software Manager.

Asunder:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asunder_(software)

As soon as I put the disc in the drive, Asunder identified the disc and its file contents to rip.

Its user interface is very user friendly and simple to pick up.

I successfully extracted the music from the CD including both the vocal and instrumental tracks. This included track meta-data.

The instrumental tracks are clearly labelled as (Accomp).

Asunder also created a playlist file in the .m3u format.

I located the tracks in the specified folder. I also uploaded the audio files on to OneDrive for private use.

I remember singing along to these tracks at Pilgrims' Way during the school assemblies and music lessons in the hall. I particularly enjoyed humming along as well to the really catchy tunes!

My favourite track is 'Together' as this tune brings back memories of my time at the school.

The album, 'Songs for Every Season' was another one that we used to sing along to as well. This features the popular 'Conkers!' music track.

Here is an old photo of me next to my school report from 2000!

See short video below. Visit the web link to listen to track previews.

[holdonletmegetthisout]

For God’s sake start a journal already.

Somewhere along the way I was told I wasn’t great at writing. Maybe by a peer… or maybe it was a conclusion I’d drawn on my own? I distinctly remember sitting in creative writing, struggling to conjure up a story from the one sentence prompt on the screen. I’d stare at the lines on my paper for a few minutes, write down a sentence, find it lack luster, erase it, repeat. The timer would go off and we’d sit around reading our stories aloud. I’d sit in awe listening to the unique plots everyone had written. The teacher would call my name, and I’d go red in the face as I read my story that typically started with: “One day _____”. The class would clap like they did for everyone else, and the teacher would ask if anyone had questions (as if my tired writing could’ve left anyone wondering?? Honestly a sick joke on her end). No one would raise their hand, and we’d move on to the next person. Although now that I think about it, I’m not sure if I ever moved on. It seemed I checked off the box labeled “not a writer” in my head and never looked back.

I’ve always loved to read. Fascinated by beautiful pieces of literature, and the brain that thought to write it down. It was as if they had an endless bank of words waiting around in their mind, effortlessly turning to poetry the second their pen touched paper. That was such a foreign idea to me. I would sit for what felt like hours, trying to scrounge up ideas whenever I was faced with the task of writing. It always felt like such an impossible chore to me. I also have a very strong love for music. It’s gotten me through every point in my life, both good and bad. I can make a playlist for any occasion, any person, any season. I’ll sit for hours listening to my favorite songs, dissecting the lyrics, relating them to my life. Easily finding hidden meanings to the words echoing in my headphones. My favorite songs touch places so deep in my soul that it brings me to tears. All this admiration for words… but no urge to write. It never made sense to me, and I never dug deeper.

One day (hehehhahah) I got a journal. I had seen a video of a girl who had been keeping a journal since she was 13. She was in her mid twenties and had years and years of her life documented. I thought about how amazing it would be to be able to read my 15 year old thoughts. They’d be immature and uneducated, and not all that great I’m sure… but being able to know exactly what I thought, on a random Tuesday in my 15 year old life, that would be amazing. I thought about how my 50 year old self might appreciate my 20 year old thoughts in that same capacity. I started writing as often as I’d let myself. I struggled to write when my handwriting was too messy, when I felt I had nothing to write about; nothing that important to say. Every small insecurity I had subconsciously tacked onto my writing abilities now glaringly obvious in the pages of my journal. Finishing off my entries with “P.S. my handwriting looks horrible today…and I know this was kind of a boring entry! Sorry!” Apologizing to myself?? For my own abilities?? For my own thoughts and ideas?? That’s when it clicked. I didn’t hate writing; I wasn’t bad at writing; I was scared of writing… scared of being judged. Writing in any format showcases your inner thoughts…your original ideas. I didn’t want anyone, myself included apparently, to be able to judge my mind. Is there anything more personal than ones own thoughts? More specifically a journal? Theres no form of writing more intimate than writing in your own journal. I had written for months with so much anxiety and restraint before I realized just how much I was holding myself back. I wrote about love; thinking I had found it, and the harsh reality of finding out I hadn’t. I wrote about friendships, work, good days, and bad ones. All with such apprehension. Holding back from pouring out anything I deemed “too dramatic” or “ too deep”, as if this wasn’t the exact place I should feel safe doing so. It’s sad really. Looking back at the problems I was going through, and realizing how much quicker I would’ve been able to get through them, if I had given myself the grace to write freely. You can heal a lot of pain by writing it down on paper. But not if you leave out all the terrible parts.

I don’t consider myself an incredible writer now by any means. I don’t consider myself a writer at all. But I know now that I actually do like to write. I still struggle to find the right words, and I know for certain my journal is full of grammatical errors. But I’ve decided my thoughts mean more than any mistakes made while I express them. That’s progress for me. My new goal is to find beauty in my own writing. I’m really not asking for much from myself this early on in my writing journey. Something as small as the gratification I feel when using a favorite word (some examples: drat, superfluous, somber, ennui, rats! (Yes, used as an exclamation)) Is enough. It just feels good to let my thoughts be free, I’ve got far too many of them to let them fester inside for too long.