#guys. guys. it's like my literal DREAM JOB!! with the team i worked for part-time years ago!!!

[sunnysheep]

a LOT has happened in the last 6 hours and it feels like an absolute overload

like penguins, oilies, AND and an irl amazing job offer?? AAH

[iamred-iamyellow]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ Telepatía - [Part 1]

♥ next | masterlist

♥ pairing: platonic f1 grid x latina!fem!engineer!reader x lando norris

♥ smau + written (reader is lewis' ferrari race engineer)

♥ none of the pictures are mine, all were found on pinterest

♥ warnings: misogyny, swearing, and some suggestive language

♥ face claim: wolifecindy on insta & girls on pinterest

♥ a/n: I'm so sorry if my Spanish is incorrect, I'm a no sabo kid

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

liked by mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton, and 239,384 more

yourusername visiting lew at merc

view comments

mercedesamgf1 always happy to have you

*liked by original poster*

yourbestfriend THATS MY GIRL

yourusername love you <3

user60 you don't belong in f1

user73 shes lewis' new race engineer?!

user50 can't believe they're making the seven time champ work with her

user80 no one should be surprised when they loose

user1 lose*

user12 lose* 🤡

user6 that's rich coming from a man who can't spell lose properly.

user8 I'm so proud of her

fredrikvestiofficial I'm gonna miss you as my engineer

yourusername I'll see you in the paddock freddy dw xx

user40 shes probably just a fan of the hot guys

user7 maybe you should take a look in the mirror

user10 she's literally been working in motorsports since she was 19 ffs

user9 please let the rumors be true please please

user2 y/n at Ferrari is my dream

user14 you're so pretty

user6 unrelated but where'd you get those sunglasses

user15 our queen y/n

user56 they cant seriously be trusting her as Lewis' engineer?!

oscarpiastri happy to see you again

*liked by origional poster*

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

liked by scuderiaferrari, lewishamilton, and 946,853 more

yourusername I'm so incredibly honored to be where I am today. Ferrari has always been the dream for me. I can't wait to work with you @/lewishamilton. Forza Ferrari ❤️

view comments

lewishamilton Feliz de que estés aquí. Deseando trabajar con usted.

*liked by yourusername*

user6 LEWIS SPEAKING SPANISH 😭

user7 he's so sweet

user12 the only man ever

yourmom muy orgullosa de ti mija 💞

yourusername gracias mama te amo 💗💗

charlesleclerc welcome to the Ferrari family

yourusername can you adopt me so I'm a leclerc

alexandra.saint.mleux it would be our honor

mercedesamgf1 back off she's susie's daughter

user8 merceds' admin is amazing

fredrikvestiofficial I already miss you :(

*liked by origional poster*

premaracing congrats y/n 🎉

*liked by origional poster*

user80 I can't believe she's really their new engineer

susie_wolff so proud of you <3

*liked by origional poster*

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ ☾. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

-Australia 2025-

"It's the first race of the long awaited 2025 Formula 1 season. Welcome back everyone," Crofty said as he camera zoomed in on the track.

"It's definitely an exciting sight to see Hamilton in a Ferrari. Not to mention his new race engineer Y/n L/n who has just moved up from F2." Martin Brundle added.

"I'm really looking forward to what the two have in store today."

"Kravitz over to you."

Ted was walking around the track attempting to speak to Lewis before the race began. He caught a glimpse of Hamilton speaking to an interviewer beside his car.

"How are you feeling about today's race?" the interviewer said, holding the mic up to Lewis.

"I'm feeling pretty confident. The car was really good in testing, we had some good pace in quali, and I'm excited to work with Y/n this season."

"Speaking of Y/n L/n, do you think it will be a big mistake for Ferrari to bring her on the team? Especially as your engineer... knowing how much is on the line?"

"She's phenomenal at what she does and I trust no one more than her to get the job done."

"Don't you think there's some other people that have more experience than she does working in motorsports...?"

"Y/n has climbed up the ranks from f4, 3, 2, and now 1 just like the rest of us. If you're suggesting that she'll be a worse engineer because she's a woman, no. She won't be."

"That's- I wasn't saying she wasn't a good engineer because she's a woman. There's always risk when bringing on a new member. I was wondering if you think the risk is worth the potential reward."

"There's of course always the possibility that your race engineer is not a good fit for you as a driver, but there's not a larger risk due to the fact that she's not a man."

The interviewer continued to stumble over his words. Lewis' PR manager walked over to him, whispered something in his ear, and they both strolled away.

The camera panned to you in your seat in the garage with your headset on, carefully analyzing the data on the screen in front of you.

"You know I've worked with a fair share of awful male engineers in my day." Martin said on his mic and Crofty laughed softly.

~

Lewis had won the first race of the season which caused an eruption of applause from the crowd. The team let you stand on the podium to receive the constructors cup in their honor. It was definitely a day for the history books.

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

liked by lewishamilton, landonorris, and 853,430 more

yourusername first place, serving face

view comments

landonorris @/scuderiaferrari Voy a coger ella para ti

yourusername QUÉ?!?! 😧

user3 LANDO WHAT

user18 😭

schecoperez 🤣🤣

scuderiaferrari pardon?

user7 checo types like a dad 😭

user4 @/user7 that's caus he is one

yourusername @/landonorris DID CARLOS TEACH YOU THAT

landonorris @/yourusername yeah why?

fernandoalonso @/landonorris in latam you just said you'd fuck her for them

carlossainz55 I think what he was trying to say is he wants to steal you from ferrari

yourusername gave me a fucking heart attack omg

user3 I was gonna say ain't no way he's saying that on main

user17 LANDO STAND UP

user8 oh she ate I fear

user9 👑

francisca.gomes STUNNING

yourusername YOUR'E STUNNING

user2 beauty and brains

user10 not all the men bitching and moaning over y/n being an amazing race engineer

user8 she shut them up real quick

user3 women 🛐

user18 that's literally my wife

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

-F1 July Summer Break-

liked by landonorris, lewishamilton, and 429,320 more

yourusername you know I'm just a flight away

view comments

lilymhe gorgeous

yourusername you're gorgeous

landnonorris and you didn't invite me?

yourusername if you wanted you could take a private plane 🤷‍♀️

landonorris hola desde inglaterra

carlossainz55 how come you're trying harder to learn spanish for her but not me

carlossainz55 lando answer me

lewishamilton roscoe misses you

yourusername dile que yo también le echo de menos

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ ☾. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

liked by yourbestfriend, landonorris, and 652,383 more

yourusername mystery man

view comments

user90 half a season in and she's already dating a driver

yourbestfriend shut your bitch ass up

user5 @/user90 you're just jealous you cant bag a driver

user1 its totally possible the guy in the last pic is not even on the grid be so ffr

user2 literally the most beautiful woman I've ever seen

user8 I love women

user9 I don't watch f1 for hot guys I watch f1 for hot girls hdsjskd

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

end notes: thank you for reading <3 part 2 coming soon

[checkeredflagggs]

White Dog Cafe

pairing: max verstappen x pet cafe!owner

summary: while daniel forgets plans made with max, max has a meet-cute

a/n1: had this idea while playing a solitaire game and had it immediately plotted out 🥰. Sorry it took awhile to actually get it to you though… November started out rough…

Private Messages

white_dog_cafe

liked by user, yourbff, maxverstappen1, user and 97,455 others

white_dog_cafe: officially open for business!

view all comments

user9: can’t wait to visit!

user10: YEEEESSSSS!!!!

user11: omg dream job acquired!

↳white_dog_cafe: if you’re in the area, feel free to stop in and apply! We still have a couple of openings

↳user11: literally running to you now!

yourbff: you got this!! ITS GONNA BE AWESOME!

↳yourusername: thank you babe

user12: Ariana (max verstappen) what are you doing here???

↳user13: the crossover i didn’t know i needed but am getting anyway!

↳user14: right? Like surprise of the century

↳user13: I guess it makes sense? They’re in the same area I guess and we all know max likes his cats…

↳user14: true! But still not something i expected

Twitter

user1: seriously? Like this could be anyone…

↳user2: apparently we get desperate for information and or gossip this deep into summer break

↳user1: I can’t believe anyone would be this desperate

user3: look at that rain though…

user4: where on earth is he?

↳user5: somewhere in Europe?

↳user6: what?

↳user5: apparently he and Daniel are spending part of the break exploring Europe!

↳user6: Maxiel forever!

user7: I saw him!

↳user8: seriously??? Spill!

↳user7: I was sitting in a local library window seat and so wasn’t the closest to him but he kept checking his phone and texting someone. When the rain started, he ducked into the building next to him

↳user8: i wonder who he was texting

↳user7: I’d guess Daniel if they were together

Private Messages

white_dog_cafe

liked by user, maxverstappen1, yourbff, user, and 223,469 others

tagged: localshelter1, localshelter2

white_dog_cafe: come on down! We’re teaming up with localshelter1 and localshelter2 for an adoption day! All adoption fees will be waived and part of the proceeds from the sales from the cafe itself will go back to the shelters!

view all comments

user15: oh my god…

↳user16: I love everything about this!

↳user17: the pet themed cupcakes…

↳user16: what are the stuffed animals for?

↳white_dog_cafe: we also partnered with a local toy store — each stuff animal has a matching live animal up for adoption! Something small for the little kids to hold onto while their new animals get used to their new homes

↳user16: omg that’s so thoughtful and perfect

user18: leo! Did he actually get adopted?

↳user19: I was there! Yes he did! Some guy came in and Leo made a direct run right to him. The owner laughed and said something like “looks like you’ve been adopted”

↳user18: 😍😍

↳user19: no joke it was like a romcom set up, the smile on this guys face…

localshelter1: a big success today! We currently have no occupants!

↳localshelter2: neither do we! Thanks to white_dog_cafe, for the first time in 5 years we are EMPTY!

↳white_dog_cafe: it was an honor to work with you! Same time next year?

↳localshelter2: you know it!!

user20: that’s great news!

↳user21: it was such a lovely event! I’m glad I got the chance to go!

↳user22: did you adopt?

↳user21: I did! A lovely little orange cat 💜

Twitter

user23: god his thighs…

↳user24: I know!!

user24: free titties? Just hanging out? For free???

↳user25: bite bite bite

user26: glad to see he’s relaxing!

↳user27: yes!

user28: is that a girl??? In the second photo???

↳user29: ok grandma let’s get you back to bed

↳user30: no no no let’s let her cook

mvupdates

liked by user, user, user, and 822,455 others

mvupdates: are our eyes deceiving us or does max have a new cat? Max was on stream last night and when his camera slipped, it caught a glimpse of a cat! Eagle eye viewers say that it doesn’t match pictures of Jimmy or Sassy

view all comments

user31: that is definitely a grey cat! No jimmy or sassy!

↳user32: max so bored during the off season that he resorts to getting a new cat

↳user33: he’s not the only one tbh…

user34: i swear to god i heard max call the cat leo

↳user35: leo??? Like Charles’ leo?

↳user36: Jesus we need a race again…he’s not gonna name his cat Leo

↳user34: I know what I heard!!

user19: wait a minute??

↳user19: i KNOW that cat

Twitter

user28: MAX VERSTAPPEN!! I told you all there was a girl by his side!!

↳user29: oh god not again

↳user30: no no no she has a point

user37: oh my god???

↳user38: this was NOT on my bingo card for this year

↳user37: I don’t think it was on anyone’s…

user39: and suddenly the universe screamed out in agony…THAT SHOULD BE ME

↳user40: no but for real??

↳user41: HE WAS AN OPTION???

↳user42: I guess for like 2 minutes…😭😭😭

user43: ok but when did he and k*lly break up?

↳user44: well she hasn’t been seen since Miami this year…

↳user44: and that was a CHILLY 🥶 interaction, I’d guess it happened around then if not before

user46: stargazing on the highway tonight!

↳user48: big mood

↳user49: same! Sleepover party?

↳user46: I’ll bring the drinks

Private Messages

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, yourbff, user, and 125,222 others

yourusername: Visiting old friends and making new ones!

view all comments

user50: oh my god is that Leo?

↳yourusername: it is! Turns out he’s a little rascal

↳user50: he’s a cutie tho!

↳yourusername: ridiculously cute…and he knows it 😂🙄🥰

↳user50: they always do

user51: are those…are those the verstappen cats? Jimmy and Sassy?

↳user52: who?? What are you talking about?

↳user51: formula 1’s max verstappen! He’s got 2 cats that look exactly like those two cats in the third picture

↳user52: and those cats would be in a post from the owner of a pet cafe???

user19: I’ve connected the dots

↳user53: you’ve connected the dots?? What are you talking about?

↳user19: yourusername is dating max verstappen! He’s been rumored to be in a new relationship and he was definitely the man I saw adopt leo at white_dog_cafe a couple of weeks ago! And look! He’s in the likes!

↳user19: I’ve connected the dots!

↳user53: you’ve connected shit

↳user19: IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS

yourbff: cats are your kryptonite aren’t they

↳yourusername: noooo…

↳yourbff: 🧐🧐🧐

↳yourusername: but they’re so cute!!

↳yourbff: sure you’re not talking about their owner instead??

this comment was deleted

Private Messages

yourusername has posted 2 stories

[such a good passenger! | COTA 😍😍]

user19 replied IS THAT A VERSTAPPEN CAT?!?

maxverstappen1 replied glad to see you’re on your way. Cats doing ok?

↳yourusername yes yes yes we’re all doing fine

↳maxverstappen1 I just want this to go well

↳yourusername it’s gonna be fine

yourbff replied get it girl!!

↳yourusername omg why am I friends with you again

↳yourbff cause I know too many secrets

↳yourusername for real 🙄

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, yourbff, charles_leclerc, and 923,123 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: COTA you were amazing. Max that was…simply lovely ☺️

view all comments

user19: I KNEW IT!

↳user53: ok grandma let’s get you to bed

↳user19: but I was right!!!

↳user53: literally no one cares anymore

danielricciardo: great entrance for your first race!

↳yourusername: thank you! Of course it was nothing compared to yours in ‘22

↳danielricciardo: well not everyone can be me!

↳user54: oh god i can just tell their friendship is gonna be so good!!

charles_leclerc: so great to meet you and your cat leo ☺️

↳yourusername: it was nice to meet you too!

↳maxverstappen1: Don’t even.

↳yourusername: but Leo is actually max’s!

↳maxverstappen1: liefje

↳charles_leclerc: OH??? 🤭🤭🤭

↳maxverstappen1: I am going to hunt you down in Mexico and run you right off the track

↳charles_leclerc: you’d have to catch me first! 🤗

alex_albon: coming for our brand huh?

↳yourusername: we could never! But maybe a playdate?

↳alex_albon: absolutely!

user55: I can’t believe that one user was right…

↳user19: I TOLD YOU

↳user55: oh god she’s stalking me. Mom help I’m scared

↳user53: I’ve got her

maxverstappen1: it was simply lovely to have you here with me

↳yourusername: awww 🥰🥰🥰

↳yourusername: nowhere else i'd rather be

↳maxverstappen1: cute but definitely a lie

↳yourusername: oh yeah absolutely. I looked it up — there’s a cat cafe with a indoor waterfall like 20 minutes away

↳maxverstappen1: well what are we waiting for?

↳yourusername: just you, you slow poke

↳maxverstappen1: 🙄🙄

[nicromancytarot]

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU WERE TO CHANGE CAREER PATHS?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 20-30 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what would happen if you were to change your current career path, pick a pile and see what they had to say!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

You guys seem to be in a current job which you’re not feeling all that fulfilled in, this is either to do with the community that surround this job, the work that you are given, or possibly the work that this job requires. For some of you, you may feel outcasted from a larger group of individuals, some of you may even go through “bullying” stages, or harassment in the workplace. Others of you are overwhelmed with the amount of work that you are being given, and possible over exaggerated standards that you are expected to meet in the workplace. For the rest of you it’s to do with the actual work itself, you may not be feeling very happy in this field, perhaps you gave up a hobby or passion project to take part in this workplace.

The reason I say this is because I notice that the pay isn’t necessarily the issue for a lot of you, the job you’re currently in does seem to be paying you well, and gives you a good amount of leadership and possible creative freedom. Changing your career path would be a very big difference, it’s not something that you are used to, and it’s not the same as your current job.

For a lot of you I am feeling that this is some type of business that you want to begin building and working on, perhaps something that you have been dreaming about for a few years. A lot of you are stressed about the time and energy this project would take to perfect, and are mainly failed about the possibility of it failing and you being left jobless.

Those of you who are not planning on starting a business, this links into some job that is more creatively freeing and fun for you, perhaps you’re going from a classic barista job, and changing into a graphic design field instead, there’s definitely a large amount of change and difference for all of you however.

Whatever you are choosing to do and how you are deciding to change this, you’re all very stressed out about the possibility of failure and being unsuccessful. Of course you could fail, but that’s a given is it not? With trying this, you could literally become a millionaire lmao, with so much perseverance and resilience, you can take this wherever you please.

For business people, makeup? Gloss?

A lot of you are scared of reaching out to people, whether it be making new friends at your new workplace, or finding yourself a trusted team to help you with your passion project. (I’m getting heavy passion project honestly)

Doing this will get you taken more seriously, it will take a while to nurture this decision and create the career path that you want for yourself, but with bravery and strength, you have the potential to create whatever dreams you have and bring them to life.

PILE 2

I feel like a lot of you are in a job that doesn’t pay you enough to sustain your living situation, almost like you’re a corporate slave? I’m getting the feeling of living in New York and struggling to pay your bills, or living somewhere which is below the bare minimum and making you feel like shit. Some of you could really be struggling with housing at the moment, possibly bug or rat infestations, a lot is going wrong, peeling paint, mould, it’s certainly not ideal.

Some of you are in a relationship with someone who would help you pay for your rent, or whatever you needed during your time of discovering your plans for your career in the future, even if this isn’t a romantic partner, it could be friends or family who are more than willing to lend a hand, masculines are very prominent for this pile.

I feel like leaving this job will give you some time to think about what you need to do next, what are the steps to take and how can you better your life?

I’m not getting business, however I am getting something that takes a lot to make work, perhaps you’ll be working alongside a friend, becoming an influencer, stepping into fame.

It’s giving very much “trust me” energy.

There are some people around you who won’t trust this or have much hope for it, you’ll have a good amount of individuals telling you to find a “proper job” or just go back to your old one.

You’re very sure about what you want after taking this small break away from everything, I see someone who knows what they have to do to make something work, as if they have it all planned, some of you might literally have a board like a detective, with strings pointing to certain opportunities or ideas.

You’ll get into this new thing very quickly, you’ll waste no time and give it your all, for those of you who are influencing or dipping your toe into the life of fame, you’ll be very good with handling criticism and hate, you’ll be very quick to brush it off and ignore those trolls, as you know that they are only jealous of you.

Your main motivator is your living situation.

The rest of you who are doing something else not relating to fame, you will be very defensive to the people around you who doubt your innovation and creativity to do what you want as a job.

Verrrrry quickly, this opportunity brings in those bags of money, I’m seeing someone doing the absolute least and then getting paid a ton for it.

How you will feel after this change will have something to do with your home, I’m seeing someone buying a much larger and stabler house, somewhere that they feel happy to bring their friends and family around to, I do see a lot of your money going into your housing situation.

PILE 3

Bro, are you guys sleeping with your boss or something??? There’s a heavy energy on workplace affairs, something to do with temptation, selfishness and love. This person that you are sleeping with, IS MARRIED!!!! Don’t go there, for the love of God.

Some of you could honestly be the work wife/husband, rather than an actual affair, however this person is down bad, but they only want you to have you, not to keep you.

This is a VERY specific message, only a few of you will relate to this, if it’s not your message, feel free to find another pile lmao, this one is insane.

For those of you who have been sleeping with or fawning over some person in your workplace, what are you doing?! Listen, I do not condone cheating, some of you are also cheating on your partner, oh my days.

This person has you in a metaphorical chokehold, they’ve got you in their arms, their spouse in their mind and their past rendezvous on speed dial. You’re getting ready to make a decision, you’re telling them about leaving the workplace and they are threatening you with telling everyone the truth. Their spouse already knows, I’m feeling like they are aware and just want you gone, they may even offer you some money to get you the hell out of their husband/wives life, they are not coming to play.

I’m seeing someone who will keep their money and reputation, meanwhile the other will only keep money, and say goodbye to their reputation. If people find out about the affair, they will turn on either one or you, however I’m feeling it point more towards you.

Fear not, create something new, spend the time working on it, and everyone will forget. It’s only one big scandal of the workplace, and they’re sure to do it with another, so you will soon be long forgotten.

For those of you who have romantic intentions or feelings for this person, they could be telling you that they’ll leave their spouse. Run. Run and do not look back, they are lying.

Working on something new, whether it be your own creation, or just something better paying and worthwhile in the long run, will help you achieve all you dream or achieving. I’m seeing someone who realised that they dodged a bullet, and now is possibly even their own boss, or married to their new one (slay)

I also see that you will “repent for your sins” the rest of your life (lmao, that’s so dramatic), but you will beg the universe for forgiveness for a while.

Also, for those of you who are cheating on your partner, you can work through it, they will forgive you, however I would recommend setting them free.

[bloodrvvvsh]

Code Red, Code Blue. Chapter 1: Acquainted.

Synopsis: When the BAU is led to a case in Seattle, with Seattle Grace Mercy West as the focal point. And after an unfortunate incident involving two cups of hot coffee and a ruined pair of scrubs, Spencer meets a girl that changes his whole life.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Lexie Grey

Warnings: Typical CM discussions of crimes, typical Grey's discussions of gore and medical talk (very minimal, though!), meet-cute, literally one (1) offhanded "killing yourself" joke

Word count: 3.0K

Notes: My baby.. she's finally finished... Please enjoy, I spent way too long on this!

Likes are appreciated, but reblogs and comments help writers more!

Wednesday, September 29. 9:42 AM in Quantico, Virgina.

Spencer had only ever been to Seattle once.

Working in the BAU took him all over the country. Cases popped up in every corner, in every state, in every place you could possibly imagine. He had seen nearly every part of the vast landscape that was the US of A.

The last case that had led them across the country to Seattle was The Seattle Strangler, back when Gideon was still on the team. Spencer had mixed emotions about that thought. But he was a professional and he was going to do his job.

Their current case was as close as you could get to clean cut and dry in their line of work. Women in their 20s being stabbed. Pretty simplistic, right? 

The one connection each murder had, though, was that every single woman was eventually directed to Seattle Grace Mercy West. And while the hospital was a fairly major one, it was a Level 1 Trauma Center, after all, which meant a lot of patients, it was definitely raising a few alarm bells in their heads. Each woman was also eventually declared dead at that exact hospital.

It could never hurt to check every possible lead, could it?

Spencer used two fingers to rub at the sleep clinging to his eye still. He tried, and failed, to stifle a yawn as he shifted in his seat. Although he was quite used to struggles with sleep (hence his dependence on caffeine), it never truly got any better. 

“Late night?” Morgan inquired. He propped his arms on the top of Spencer’s seat, peering over the other man’s shoulder.

Spencer shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep,” he replied. He frowned softly, continuing to try and rid himself of the tiredness that stuck to his lashes before he was interrupted by another yawn.

God, he could really use some coffee right now.

He glanced down at his watch and his frown deepened. They still had at least another two hours until they would land. 

Spencer would consider himself a fairly patient man. He didn’t mind waiting, hell, he most often played the waiting game in his job as a BAU agent. But right now, sitting on that jet running on only five hours of sleep with not a drop of caffeine in sight, he was feeling just one moment away from simply losing it.

Not like it would actually happen, though. Spencer wasn’t that kind of guy. He was calm and reserved, even in the face of adversity. 

Hotch’s voice cut through Spencer’s internal monologue for the moment, snapping him back into reality. “We’re going to head to the police station first,” he began, casting a glance over each BAU member in eyesight, ���After we get all the necessary facts, we’re going to head to the hospital. Sound good?” He was met with a round of nods from everyone and he nodded back.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 11:23 AM in Seattle, Washington.

Lexie needed a goddamn break.

Being a surgical resident had to be a punishment designed in one of the seven pits of hell. How dare she desire to save people's lives, right?

At least it was better than being an intern.

She loved her job, don’t get her wrong, being a surgeon was her dream. It’s just that she couldn’t remember the last time she got more than four hours of sleep a night and she was just so tired all the time. From running around constantly to several hours long surgeries to forty-eight hour shifts. 

Not to mention the constant drama and tragedy that filled the Seattle Grace Mercy West halls. You couldn’t turn a corner without hearing about someone sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend or about another MerDer breakup or another surprise pregnancy. Really, sometimes it was just ridiculous.

Lexie herself had been the victim of that good ol’ SGMW drama. She was trying to pull herself free from the clutches of it all, but it always seemed to follow them all. Like some sort of curse was placed on that very hospital.

But that was besides the point. The point was that she needed just one moment of peace, away from all the chaos of the hospital and the drama. Was that so selfish of her?

The sound of sneakers shuffling and her racing heart filled Lexie’s ears as she rushed through the halls. The occasional ‘excuse me’ slipped from her lips, trying not to crash into everyone that was in her way. 

When your attending pages 911, you don’t walk - you run.

Her feet skidded to a stop as the familiar emergency room came into view, nearly making her trip with the sudden halt. Her movements seemed almost practiced with the near mindless way she moved - triage gown, tie in the back, gloves. This wasn’t her first trauma, and it would be far from the last.

“What do we have?” Bailey’s voice cut through the millions of other noises filling the room - the rustling of fabric, the snapping of latex gloves on skin, the chatter of voices. The ER was ever far from being quiet.

“28-year-old woman stabbed fifteen times in the torso, majority in the chest,” Owen shot back. He rushed forwards when the glint of red and blue lights followed by the sirens that would follow them for the rest of their lives came into view, and the rest of them marched behind.

“God, overkill much?” Cristina muttered low to Meredith. Bailey, who heard everything always, shot a glare over her shoulder. Cristina threw her hands up in defense, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Her face fell the minute Bailey turned away and she shook her head with a quiet scoff.

The doors to the ambulance flew open and out rushed a woman on a stretcher. “BP is 158 over 92, HR is 92,” an EMT announced. Owen cursed under his breath as he took the railing of the stretcher into his hands.

“She’s hypertensive,” he announced. Quickly, other hands began to grab onto the stretcher as well, guiding the women into the hospital doors. He barked out a few names and different orders and Lexie slowly loosened her grip on the railing as her feet quit keeping pace before stopping entirely. She watched as the woman was rushed towards a trauma room, a frown falling on her lips. Trauma was never a pretty sight.

With a sigh she made her way to the receptionist desk near the ER entrance doors where a few of the other residents left behind had gathered.

“That’s the third stabbing in less than two months,” April remarked. A little frown began to form on her lips as she flipped the chart in her hand. “And they’ve all been women in their late 20s.”

She didn’t have to say it. They were all thinking it. The glances exchanged spoke a thousand words.

“You don’t think..” Meredith trailed off. She shot a look towards Cristina, then glanced back at April. The current hypothesis wasn’t looking so hot.

“It’s probably just a weird coincidence,” Lexie was quick to interject. Her words did little to quell the tense energy that filled the emergency room. “I mean, Seattle’s a big city. Plenty of crazy people doing crazy things. I’m sure they’re not related.” She waved a hand dismissively. Then she added, “It is getting close to the holidays. Don’t crime rates increase during the holiday seasons, or something?”

The pager attached to her hip beeped. She groaned, a pout appearing on her face at the sound. She unclicked it from the waistband of her scrub pants to take a glance at the numbers displayed on the screen and she sighed once more. It was Derek.

With a murmur of, “I’ve got to go,” that was met with a few dismissive waves of goodbyes from her fellow residents, she made her way towards the elevators, absolutely not ready for whatever Derek had in store for her now.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 2:17 PM in Seattle, Washington.

One thing you never want to hear in a hospital is silence. And that’s exactly Lexie had been greeted when she emerged from the imaging room, a stack of paperwork and scans ordered by Derek in hand. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something was absolutely happening and she’d be damned if she was left out of it.

It all started to make sense, though, as she made her descent down a floor of stairs and she noticed a group of her coworkers crowded behind a corner. Mentally she counted heads - Cristina, Meredith, Alex, Jackson, April.. All five of them in the same place at the same time, clearly hiding from someone (or something?), always spelled trouble.

Cautiously, she made her way towards the group. She tried to stand on her tip-toes, trying to look over their shoulders to see whatever the hell it was that was making them all stop in their tracks, but to no luck.

Finally with a huff, she decided to pipe up. “What are we looking at?” Her sudden appearance obviously spooked them, as they all nearly jumped at the sound of her voice, but they quickly relaxed when they realized it was just Lexie. She flashed a little smile that was short lived and didn’t quite reach her eyes with an utterance of ‘sorry’. 

“Them,” Meredith said. Lexie leaned to the side and she followed the finger that Meredith pointed with. Never would have Lexie guessed what would be standing before her right now.

There, talking to the Chief and Owen, was a group of people that certainly didn’t look like they belonged together. One man in particular, though, stood out among the rest - a tall man with curly brown locks and the most beautiful face Lexie had ever seen. “I heard they’re FBI agents,” Cristina cut in, knocking her out her little lovestruck daydream, and Lexie’s head snapped so quickly to look back at her, it’s a wonder it didn’t break.

“What?” Was all she could manage in response. “FBI, wh-” She shook her head, trying to clear her head from all the thoughts racing through it. “What would the FBI be doing here?” Her voice dropped low, almost to a rushed whisper.

Cristina shrugged. “Hell if I know.” Lexie frowned. And just as she opened her mouth, ready to say more, Owen gestured in the direction of their little gathering. And when the group of supposed FBI agents looked at them, they all took off, scattering away in their different directions, like roaches when you turned the lights on.

Except for Lexie. She was frozen in place, her blood running cold in her body when their hard eyes locked on her. She forced another smile, a nervous little giggle escaping her as heat washed over her cheeks in heavy waves. She raised her free hand to offer them a half-hearted greeting before pointing behind her with her thumb and then promptly spinning on her heel and hurriedly trying to escape the embarrassment that was that interaction.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 2:45 PM in Seattle, Washington.

Spencer had drank approximately four-and-a-half cups of coffee since landing in Seattle, and he was not quite satisfied yet.

Would he ever truly be satisfied with the amount of caffeine he consumed? Could anyone, really? The answer didn’t really matter. Not to him, anyways. Especially not now, when the tiredness ran bone deep and the day was nowhere near close to being finished. So, he was going to get another cup.

“I’m going to get some coffee,” he announced offhandedly as he pushed himself up from his seat. 

Morgan raised an eyebrow at the young genius as he started to make his way in the direction of the coffee machines. “Really?” Morgan said. “Another cup of coffee? Seriously, kid, you’re going to kill yourself with all that caffeine and sugar you consume.” Spencer waved a hand in response and Morgan could only shake head with a small smile falling over his lips.

“Oh, you’re getting coffee?” JJ perked up, craning her neck slightly to catch Spencer’s eye before he disappeared. “Do you think you could get me a cup, too? Please?”

Spencer nodded. “Cream and sugar?” A grin split across JJ’s face at the idea that he remembered what she liked in her coffee. Although, with Spencer, he couldn’t have possibly forgotten in the first place. “You know it!” she called out to him. “You’re the best, Spence!”

“No problem,” he called back to her as he turned the corner. 

The trek to the elevator and up to the coffee carts was not a particularly long one, but it did give Spencer enough time to get lost in his thoughts. His movements almost ran on autopilot as he got on the elevator and pressed the button with the number four painted on it.

His feet moved for him, guiding him in the direction of exactly where he wanted to be. Ideas and different theories of their current case filled his head as he walked.

All of this to say - he was not paying attention. Not one bit. Not even as he mindlessly ordered two coffees - one mocha latte with room for sugar and one black with cream and sugar. Not as he began to round the corners that he was starting to become familiar with from turning around so many times due to his near caffeine addiction.

Not even as another body rounded the same corner as him.

It wasn’t until the harsh impact came, the colliding of two people knocking hard into each other and hot coffee being dumped all over each other, that he really came back to reality.

Lexie gasped as the coffee crashed right onto her, burning through her scrubs and stinging her skin. She glanced up, wanting to look whoever just ruined her scrubs in the eye, and it was like the whole world slowed for a moment.

It was cute supposed FBI agent guy. 

Her jaw went slack, practically hitting the floor, and all she could do was stare. She almost wanted to pinch herself, check if any of this was really real, but the hot coffee burning her skin told her it was true.

“I’m so sorry,” The words fell out of Spencer’s mouth in an instant. He glanced around in search of something, anything, that could clean up the mess he just made, but he was coming up empty. “Really, I am so sorry-”

Lexie shook her head. “It’s fine-”

Spencer’s eyebrows pinched together. “I just spilled hot coffee all over you, it is not fine.” Lexie could feel her heart skip a beat.

“No, really, it- it’s fine,” she chuckled. “I have another pair of scrubs in my locker, it’s okay.” Spencer didn’t seem satisfied with that answer.

Now it was his turn to shake his head. “Can I make it up to you? You know, for.. getting you doused in coffee and ruining your scrubs.”

Lexie hesitated for a moment. While he was very cute, and seemingly very sweet, she barely knew this guy.

But something inside her told her to take her chance.

“Uh,” she bit down on her bottom lip. She waited for a beat. “Yeah,” she found herself saying, “Yeah, why don’t you buy me a coffee?” Spencer’s whole face lit up at her answer.

Could you blame him, though? Even covered in coffee, the woman before him was absolutely stunning.

“My name’s Spencer,” he finally added. “Spencer Reid. Doctor Spencer Reid, actually.’” Lexie arched a brow at him, head tilting to the side. “Doctor, huh?” she echoed. “Are you, like, new around here, or something? Did you transfer from another hospital?”

“Oh, no. I- I’m not an MD, I’m, uh.. I’m a PhD.”

Lexie slowly nodded her head. “Right,” she muttered. The smile on her face couldn’t seem to budge. “Well, I’m Lexie,” she stuck a hand out to him, “Doctor Lexie Grey, MD.” They both grinned at her words before chuckling. Spencer found himself thinking her name was beautiful. He glanced down at her outstretched hand and then so did she, and for a moment they were both just staring at her hand.

Finally, he spoke up again, “I- I don’t do handshakes,” he spit out. “The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It’s, uh- it’s actually safer to kiss.” 

Lexie nodded her head once more and let her hand fall back to her side. She ran her palm down the side of her thigh, subtly trying to wipe the gathering sweat. A part of her was tempted to ask if he wanted to kiss her, but she held off. For now.

“So, are you a germaphobe, or something? Or do you just know a lot of different facts?”

“Both, actually,” he said. “I, uh, I have an eidetic memory, so I remember everything I read. A lot about bacteria.”

“An eidetic memory?” Lexie echoed. “Really?”

Spencer nodded, a smirk worming its way onto his lips as he began to rock himself on his heels. “And an IQ of 187 and I can read 20,000 words per minute.”

“Oh, so you’re some sort of super genius, is that what this is?”

Spencer shrugged and his smile seemed to grow. “I don’t think intelligence can be defined by arbitrary measures. But for all intents and purposes, I am a genius.”

“You know, that’s really weird, because I actually have a photographic memory,” Lexie said. She tilted her head to the side again. “Does that make me a genius, too?”

Spencer chuckled. “Well, being a doctor isn’t an easy thing to achieve. Especially being a surgeon. I would imagine you have to be fairly smart to become one.”

Lexie’s own smile seemed to grow as well. “Well, Dr. PhD, why don’t you tell me a little bit more about yourself?” She nodded her head in the direction she came from before she started to walk. And Spencer found himself following behind her.

For some reason, Spencer felt like he wasn’t going to regret spilling coffee on her.

for @gghostwriter bc i don't have a taglist <3

(if you would like to be crcb taglist, let me know!!)

[gabessquishytum]

Hob is a widower senator who can't afford a reelection scandal; Dream is an of age (but younger) campaign intern hoping to work his way up in Hob's campaign and make it on to his paid staff. I'm thinking for ages --- DILF Hob with Dream being in his mid to late 20s, still closer in age to Hob's son Robyn than Hob himself,,, just skirting Hob is old enough to be Dream's father.

Hob and Dream hit it off right away, it helps that Dream is good at his job. It doesn't get super sexy right away - but they are both painfully aware of the other all the time. Chief of Staff Joanna even tries to set Dream and Robyn up, more age appropriate, but all that does is make Dream and Robyn friends and have Dream over at the Gadling house more frequently.

Hob and Dream hold off as best they can (steamy kisses in back rooms don't count); the night of Hob's reelection, after Hob's victory speech, they have all the sex.

If Hob wants to be more than a Senator, he, Dream, and their team are going to have to figure out how to roll out the relationship, before the press catches wind.

I live for this kind of au. I love the idea of Hob being like... surprisingly chill, for a Senator with his career on the line. He'd totally be willing for his relationship with Dream to be in the open - it's DREAM who's the one urging caution and holding him back from potentially tanking his whole career.

Hob just wants Dream so much. Not just in a "holy shit I want to obliterate that twink" way (that is definitely part of it). He cares about Dream’s opinions and ambitions, he loves Dream’s passion and genuinely sees a forever future for them together. All of which is very inconvenient for Dream, who tries to keep Hob at arm's length but ends up melting and falling even more in love after every conversation.

They literally fuck while the votes are being counted on election night. Jo is running around the headquarters searching for Hob, having no idea that he's down in the parking area eating Dream out in the back of his car. He doesn't even care much if he doesn't win (okay, he does care, but not for the sake of his personal pride). He's a lot more invested in making Dream cum.

At thus point only Robyn knows the truth (the poor guy caught them fucking in the laundry room - you'd think an entire mansion would be big enough to avoid seeing your dad's dick, but apparently not!) And his suggestions for integrating Dream into the family include "pretend that he's MY boyfriend" and "pretend you got accidentally married in Vegas and he doesn't believe in divorce". Neither of which are super helpful. Although all the talk of marriage does make Dream blush very prettily.

In the end Hob just goes rogue (and Jo is so close to quitting, SO fucking close) by making an impromptu "I'm so supportive of the LGBT+ community that I've decided to get myself a boyfriend" speech. Dream hates the whole thing... but it is rather nice to not be anyone's dirty little secret anymore. He's not allowed to work under Hob (hah) but he does get a good post working for another Senator. It means no sex at work... but a lot of sexts from Hob. He certainly has the stamina to drive Dream wild all day, AND deliver the goods when they get home.

Someone get poor Robyn out of there. Having a dilf for a dad should definitely entitle him to compensation...

[gtsdreamer2]

"Ahhh~ We're here!" Your step-sister exclaimed, bursting through the threshold of your home. She leaped towards you uncharacteristically, as if hoping for an embrace. You instinctually wrapped your arms around her thin frame, eliciting a happy squeal from her lips.

"Welcome to my house" you said meekly to your sister and parents. It was the first time you had invited them over officially, and there was no better time than now for Christmas. You got them seated in your living room and made sure they had access to all your appetizers and beverages.

"So what took you so long to have us over?" Your step-mom started. "And how come you missed last Christmas?" You father finished for her.

"Well, truth be told, we've been working on a massive project at work, like literally years long, but we're finally nearly finished. I can't really get into specifics, but it's for the military and it's going to help the ground troops. It's really cutting edge stuff. Literally the reason I went to college for." You were beaming with pride and filled to the brim with want to tell them all about the project, but the only one that seemed to look even semi-interested was your step-sis.

She had never made much of an impression on you when you two were living together, and she was far from any step-sibling fantasy growing up. But it had seemed like she had finally come into her own since moving out on her own. She was still rail thin, for the most part, and her face cleared of all her teenage acne. She HAD developed a rather sizable rear, but you could tell that it was from hard work rather than being inactive... not that you were staring. Looking back now, you realized that you hadn't been keeping in touch with your sis or your family much since you started your job at the military research facility.

"It hasn't been from lack of wanting to reach out to you guys, the job has just been really demanding since the get-go." Your excuse didn't seem to work too well on your parents.

"Well, I missed you and I'm glad you're here now." Your sister chimed. "And look at this big fancy house you live in now thanks to all the hard work you're doing! I bet they're paying you really well too!" Her praise was scratching an itch in your brain that was undeniably inflating your ego a little bit. This was very awkward coming from someone who mostly kept to herself when you two shared a house. She did seem interested in the same research that you were and seemed passionate about your dreams and goals, but she for sure didn't pursue the same dreams or actually understand the science behind it. She was always supportive of you reaching your goals though.

As the night wore on, your parents finally decided to bow out and head home, leaving just you and your sister, facing each other on opposite couches. She leaned in closer. "So tell me," she whispered, as if anyone else was in the house to eavesdrop. "what's really going on with your research? I know when we were younger, all you would talk about was making tech to make 'super soldiers'. but did you actually do it? You did, didn't you? You can tell me." Her words seemed almost manic, as if begging for information. You couldn't hold it back any longer.

"We did! It's so exciting. Like, you don't even know. All my research, all the grants, my whole team, it all came together perfectly as a culmination of my dreams and hard work. What we've created and what it can, in theory do, are just mind blowing." You were beaming and gushing at this point, like a parent, boasing about their child. "I can't wait for you to see the practical applications of it in a few years after it had gone through all the safety testing and red tape." She seemed defeated after hearing that last part. 'It's always the waiting' she thought to herself.

"Whaaaat?" She sighed, audibly protesting. "I don't want to have to wait years to properly see my brother's hard work! I want to see it now!" You sister whined like a child when she wanted to get her way, and now was no exception.

"The tech is solid, and the prototype is finished, but there's still lots of hoops to jump through and safety tests to perform before we can just start putting people in it, silly. I still wish you could see it, but it's just not there yet." Her ears perked up at the thought of her opportunity presenting itself.

"Well clearly I've had too much to drink to be able to drive myself home tonight. I think I just need to spend the night on your couch and then I can go home tomorrow." She turned on her side and laid her head on the arm rest, feigning fatigue.

"I have to work in the morning, so you need to be gone before I am, I don't have any spare keys or anything like that." You told her sternly.

"Maybe I'll just come with you to work then, so you can show me what you've been working on and I can praise you properly." Your sister said, filling your cup with more alcohol. You hadn't noticed, but clearly she was trying to get you drunk.

Morning came in a flash as you could barely hear your alarm from your bedroom. You awoke on the couch, not sure of how the night had gotten away from you. "Morning sleepyhead." Your sister teased. "I couldn't move you from the couch since you're too heavy, so I slept in your bed, I hope you don't mind. Also, since your alarm is going off, I assume that means we have to go to work now." She slid a cup of coffee into your hands as the brain-fog began to lift.

"Huh? We? What are you talking about? I can't take you to work with me." Clearly you hadn't been tough enough on her last night.

"What do you mean? You told me last night that I could come see it! You said you were happy to show it off to me and that no one would be there so there shouldn't be any issues! You promised!" You sister started to huff and pout, crocodile tears filling her eyes. Had you promised her that? It WAS true that you were going to have the lab to yourself.

"Did I really promise? I mean, I guess..." You trailed off, knowing already by the smile growing on her face that you had lost and she had won. Grab your things, let me get ready. It'll be a short day and then I'll treat you to lunch." She giggled to herself at your suggestion of buying her lunch. 'That's right you will. It's working!' She thought to herself giddily.

As you strapped into your car, your sister did the same. Turning the air off and making sure the windows were rolled up as she did. The drive was short, but the air was stifling. You moved to turn the air on, but your sister cut you off, blocking the knob. "I don't want to get chilly. Leave it off." She said it as a command, and your body froze. You nodded your head and reluctantly returned your hand to the steering wheel. 'That was a weird reaction.' You thought to yourself, remarking that as the drive wore on the stale air seemed to get sweeter and sweeter. Suddenly, you became hyper aware of your step-sister. You had never been attracted to her in any physical capacity, but suddenly, her feminine charms seemed to be turned up to eleven. The heat rising in the car and your increased heart rate suddenly made you break out in a sweat, and the outside world seemed to fade to grey as you continued driving to your place of employment on autopilot. All the while, you couldn't help but steal glances at your sister. She wasn't oblivious to this in the slightest as she adjusted her low-cut top, revealing her small amount of cleavage. She rubbed her legs together in her fuzzy leggings that clinged to her just tightly enough to leave nothing to the imagination. You started to pant from the blood boiling under your skin.

"What's wrong bro?" She asked teasingly. "You seem kind of hot and bothered." She put a hand on your thigh and electricity jolted through you. You could feel yourself growing hard only inches away from her hand as thinking became harder and more frustrating.

'Focus on the road' You thought to yourself, unable to vocalize any thoughts out loud between pants and stifled moans. Moans? 'Why am I moaning? What's wrong with me?' As you approached a red light, your step-sister grabbed the back of your head and shoved your face against the nape of her neck. As you breathed in her heavly scent, you were sent nearly over the edge.

You could feel your member surge longer, reaching maximum length. Your heartbeat throbbed through it, resonating at the tip, and you felt ready to burst at any minute. Suddenly, your sister pulled you away and turned your head back to the road. "It's green, dummy." She said cheekily. "Are we almost there?" You nodded, trying not to dwell on the fact that you were almost there in more ways than one.

Finally you pulled up to the facility, the gate cam scanning your registered plate and swinging open. You pulled into your parking spot and finally were able to shut the car off, throwing the door open and clamoring out for some fresh air. As you took deep breaths out in the open, you could start to feel the fog in your mind lifting ever so slightly. You were just starting to regain some composure when your step-sister came from behind and put her arms around you, forcing herself too close to you and refilling your lungs full of her alluring aroma.

"Let's go inside, it's chilly out here." You nodded, your eyes clouding over and her control over you reasserting itself. You flashed your card at the door and it clicked open. Your sister opened the door and ushered you through. You shambled after her with her leading you by the hand. It seemed like she knew exactly where she was going. Suddenly you found yourself in the testing room with the tech safely on display in its glass case. Right in the center of the room was a jet black suit that looked like latex. Although very unassuming and more than slightly lewd looking, this was the culmination of you and your team's hard work.

Upon seeing the black suit in the case, Belle immediately dropped your hand and sprinted up to it, placing her hands and nose right against the glass. The suit seemed to shimmer and shiver in response. "So while you're getting everything ready, how's about you tell me what exactly this is and how you made it?"

You cocked your head to the side before trying to shake out more of the fog that was clouding your thoughts. "Get what ready? I'm still trying to figure out how I agreed to bring you here. And what happened to me on the way over." You took this chance to slump into your chair at your control desk and take in some more air away from Belle, who was already quickly rushing over to you.

"What do you mean?" She said in her whiny voice as she perched herself on your lap, throwing her arms around you and placing her neck, once again, in range of your nose. "You told me last night that you'd bring me here and show me your lab and the tech and tell me how it works! You even told me that I could try it out!"

That didn't sound right to you. You wouldn't compromise your project that hadn't even been tested on humans yet. You especially wouldn't risk harming your step-sister...and yet. "Did I say that?" You asked, half slurring your words while reentering your trance."

"That's right. You told me that I could be the first super soldier and that you'd make your little sister grow big and strong." She pouted and snuggled against you, rubbing her scent on you and forcing another wave of arousal to surface. You could feel your bulge pressing into Belle's thigh, and she giggled knowing that she had you back under her spell. "Be a good boy for me and start getting it set up while you tell me all about your project." She whispered in your ear, her hot breath sending chills through your body. She got off you then and walked back over to the case as you turned to your control panel and started pushing buttons and entering codes.

"So basically we found this organism. It's unlike anything from our dimension." you began, telling a speech that you'd been rehearsing for months just for this big reveal "So we theorize that this thing came through a Mandela hole, which basically is a crack in our dimension that leads to a parallel one...but that's not important." As you were speaking, your sister quickly got naked, leaving her clothes in a messy pile on the floor. You were far too engrossed in your trance to notice. You pulled a lever and the glass of the case receded into the ceiling, leaving the suit exposed to your sister's quick clutches. She immediately grabbed it and started to put it on while you continued your procedures.

"So we quickly found that this organism was still tethered to its home dimension and that by binding it to some cutting edge technology, we could channel that energy into a host that the organism more than willingly bonded with." Your sister didn't seem all that interested in the science of it all as she was sliding into the suit that seemed to vibrate and slither further onto her.

"Why is this thing so tight if it's meant for big strong men to put on?" She asked, trying wriggle herself into it. You instinctively pushed a button that sent an electrical pulse through the tech, causing it to immediately expand and envelop Belle, covering her just like an inorganic body suit would. This, however, was not inorganic and seemed to quiver and purr in the satisfaction of being united with other living tissue. "That's better!" Your step-sister squealed, checking herself out and feeling herself up.

You pressed a few more buttons and twisted a big red dial as the screen lit up with your step-sister's biometrics. The screen displayed her vitals and the organisms output, showing just a measly tenth of a percent. As the suit fully bonded to your sister, she made an uncomfortable noise. "OW! It feels like i just got poked by needles all over my body and...and...oh. Now I feel better. Now I feel...kinda good."

"I just need to...need to...Why am I doing this?" With the suit covering your sister's skin, the scent in the air began to quickly fade. You finally looked away from the panel long enough to realize that your sister was fully bonded to the suit. "Shit, Belle. What the fuck? We need to get you out of that right now!"

"I think it's a little late for that, bro...mmmph. I can feel my body being fed that energy that you were talking about. It's ever so slowly entering my skin through those little needles that I got pricked by. And it's just making me feel so good." You could see now that the suit that had coated your sister was pulsing as it was being fed and, in turn, feeding her, forcing its host to absorb the energy that was being transmitted. You looked from her to the screen. All vitals were improving rapidly. 'This is valuable data,' you thought to yourself. 'but this is way too dangerous to continue.'

"I think we might need to pump the breaks here, sis." You said, trying to be the voice of reason. "You got to try it out. You're super healthy and strong now already according to the vitals monitor. It looks like you're already way stronger than me judging by the muscle density scanners."

"Is that so?" Your sister said, enthusiastically. She sauntered over to you, making sure to sway her wide hips with every step, the fluorescent lights of the lab creating a sheen against the body suit as she did. She was suddenly sitting in your lap again. The suit being on her combined with her increased muscle density made her noticeably heavier than when she sat on you only minutes before. But it was more than that. Her whole form seemed larger. This was a theoretical side effect of the tech, but you still were in awe of getting to see and feel it first hand. "You know..." She started, putting a hand on your chin and forcing eye contact. "I worked really hard to save up the money to get the pheromone concoction that I used on you last night to get you here. Sneaking it into your drink and downing the control agent myself. Forcing you to be in the car with me on the way over to make you even more susceptible to it. It wasn't cheap and it wasn't easy, but it got me here. It's just a little hiccup that my body stopped pumping it out when I bonded with this suit." She gestured to the pulsing blackness that coated her body, running her hands up and down herself as she grabbed two handfulls of her tits. "God, even these feel bigger and better. You have no idea how long I've fantasized about this. ever since you told me about your dreams of making big strong soldiers. Maybe even before that. I've always wanted to be bigger. And now you're making it happen!"

She readjusted herself in your lap as she stalled you with her speech while the energy continued to flow into her. "I can feel my body changing by the minute. becoming more and more and more and...mmmm...I'm so much stronger than you now and growing bigger and stronger still...I could just make you do what I want now." For the first time in your life, you had become genuinely afraid of what used to be your little step-sister.

"Belle, let's talk about this. It's true that you're bigger and stronger than me now, but that's enough right? How tall are you now? Six? Six and a half feet maybe. That's huge. And your muscles are so tight and toned now that-

"I know!" She cut in, flexing her muscles which rippled and defined themselves against the suit as she did. "I can FEEL how strong I'm getting! It's amazing! This truly is marvelous technology that would have revolutionized modern troop warfare. But it's mine now. And it feels way too good to stop. And your definition of huge and mine are way different. So I need you to be a good brother and turn up the juice. I'm tired of being drip fed this energy. I need you to flood me with it." With that, she got off your lap and skipped back to the center of the room, before twirling around to face you. "And before you even think about trying to say no, just know that even if you were to shut off the whole machine now, it's too late. I'm warning you. I'm so much bigger and stronger than you that you wouldn't have a chance, and I would be far too angry to hold myself back. So it's really your only option. I'm counting on you bro."

"Right..." You uttered, completely defeated by your newly monstrous sister. 'the fucking pheromones' you thought to yourself as you started to play with the controls again. 'that's how she got in my head and made me give her everything she wanted. I wonder if I have any other options here.' You looked at all the controls and came up with only too paths to choose. Path one would open the flood gates like your sister asked and make her an extra bulky bitch in no time, side effects be damned. Option two would be to reverse the energy flow and drain all of her new power back into the organism. That option came with too many risks to calculate. What would happen to the organism with that much energy in it? Would your sister return to how she was, or would she waste away? You were running out of time, and all the while your sister was still being pumped, albeit ever so slowly, full of energy. "Ok, fine. You win. I'll turn up the output. I'll make you stronger. I don't know what else will happen to you though...we haven't even run simulations on this kind of output. Are you sure you don't want to stop?"

"Come on! I need it! Hurry!" She was growing more and more impatient by the second and you didn't want her to end you, so you started to type in codes ignore warning screens and type in more codes to get to the most advanced settings.

"Here goes." You said, voice quivering with fear, and admittedly a little excitement, about your project being used to its full potential. You cranked up the dial from one tenth of a percent to ten percent all at once.

"Oh fuck!" Belle cried out, falling to her knees and then lying down on her back. She immediately started to convulse as the suit pulsed and purred around her, pumping massive amounts of energy into her already enlarged form. "I feel like I'm going insane! There's so much being forced into me! It feels amazing! Umph! Bigger!" You watched as your sister began to pulse larger and larger with each pulse of the suit. As you looked back at the screen, the instruments for her vitals were completely nonsensical. She was literally off all the charts and growing fast. eight, ten, twelve feet went by as she moaned in pleasure. "More more more! Turn it up higher! I can take it!" You cranked the dial to twenty percent and your step-sister doubled in size, orgasming as she did. She felt herself gush hard, her whole cunt clenching as her clit rubbed against the suit while she bucked her hips in ecstasy. Every part of her seemed more sensitive in the most pleasurable way. She felt herself up reveling in the sensation of her nipples protruding against the suit. She rubbed her fingers over them and felt them grow even harder in response. As she twisted and pulled and squished them against her already bigger breasts, she could feel them swell under her fingers, growing faster than the rest of her and evening out her hourglass figure. "That's it! I love this! I feel like I'm ascending! Like I'm finally going to be as big as I've always meant to be!" As your sister became more in tune with her growing body, she could feel the pheromone concoction still in her system. Forcing tiny holes in the neck of the suit to open, she told her body to produce more of the pheromone, and it complied. Immediately, you were overwhelmed.

"Turn it up. All the way." Your sister commanded, still writhing on the ground in growing bliss between constant climaxes. unable to resist, you cranked the dial all the way. Rapidly running out of room, Belle ballooned up to an impressive eighty feet and exploded out of the building, her giant suited foot shielding you from the rubble as it plowed right through your control panel, destroying the connection to the suit. She hardly noticed outgrowing your lab, but the feed of energy being severed left Belle with a sense of longing. She lifted her foot and the surrounding debris away from you before scooping you up into her hand. "Fuck you're tiny." She said, standing up to her full height of one hundred feet. "Everything is tiny. But it could be smaller. I could be bigger. I should be." Using her connection to the suit, free of tech, she reached out to try and find a source of energy. She could feel something in the distance, outside the city. "Where did you say this thing came from? A Mandela hole? I think I can sense one. I want to drink from it." Your big step-sister opened a hole in her suit exposing her vast cleavage and dropped you in. "Lets go 'little bro' I wouldn't want you to miss the show." She began walking towards the source of energy, all the while her suit purring and hungry, just like its host.

[youngtomhardy]

single no. 3 ‘kiss kiss bang bang’ is out now 💋💥

this one might be the most important part of the MM2 story. this song was born the night i died. you can literally google ‘michael medrano kiss kiss bang bang’ and find the night i conceptualized this song — and the whole era really.

grief is incredibly hard to process, especially when it’s sudden and swift. i was in the room with people i thought were going to change my life forever. i wasn’t exactly poor growing up, but my family struggled for as long as i can remember. i moved 4 times, my dad worked his ass off and we still couldn’t afford to live somewhere comfortably. this caused turmoil and constant instability in my household, which in turn led to some really traumatic times i wish i could forget.

so when you end up in this kitschy club with incredibly successful and wealthy people, you suddenly feel wow… the struggle is over. i’ll finally get to take care of my family. they’ll never have to abruptly move again or live under a landlord who won’t even fix a broken fridge. i can take care of myself and everyone i love — i can have it all. and i’m about to sign the paper that puts it all in motion.

i remember my creative director at the time kept telling me to “never forget how incredible” i am. over and over again. going as far to call me “the next weeknd”. it was in that moment, high off of a shroom pill, i knew they’d killed me. my project was dead. and before i could wrap my head around it, i found myself sitting in the corner of a dingy karaoke suite watching it all end in slow motion. in my mind, i like to pretend it was more of a penthouse suite decorated to look like a humble, midcentury modern dream. they did go all out and get the most expensive suite anyway, as they always had.

the next day, everyone goes silent on me. texts aren’t replied to anymore. resources are cut off. album plans gone. the mystical “sylvia” i’ve been told so much about had vanished. it is probably the most devastating heartbreak i’ve gone through right next to my mom initially rejecting me once i was outed… a story for another time.

so i sat down in my tiny hometown apartment. and cried. drove to literally nowhere screaming at 3 am. praying that maybe they’d come back around and save me. but no one was coming — i was in free fall. alone again and so suddenly, like a rug pulled from under me or gunshot to the head. after months of the endless spiral, i got back to working a regular part time job, hating this life i was once again trapped in. but one day, after all that grief welled up inside me, i started writing again. and writing. and writing. and writing. i’d never been so angry in my life. i’d also never been so fucking determined. and now, here we are. 3 years later. 3 singles deep into MM2. and so much has changed.

never did i think id be sitting in the middle of hollywood in my new apartment, typing this and pulling and all-nighter to get the music video out to over 100k fans listening to me every month. my little guy abel laying next to me while my partner hacks away at editing.

i might not have the deal yet. i might not have the money or the team yet. but i woke up from the nightmare one day and you were all right there in front of me. i love you all so much and i hope you love this song as much as i do. MM2 is coming and i hope you’re ready, because i finally am.

[lifeiskentastic]

Colt Seavers x Driver. - pt. 1

A/N: So. I'm back!!!! I know my last post was almost a year ago about a fangame with Ken that was like a fever dream... And now I remembered about this account and decided that maybe I could revive it :P. Anyway, remember that my English is bad, love you guys!;

Summary: "Hey. Do you want to come with us to the bar?" Colt didn't even hope for a positive answer, but his own manners and upbringing didn't allow him to pass by. Imagine his surprise when his colleague, after a second pause, nodded.;

Words count:  2774(omg);

I feel unsure about that one, but it took me out of writing block so I wanted to show it. Hope you enjoy!

Colt himself did not expect to return to work... In fact, in this life. Was it an impulsive decision? Maybe. Would he have preferred to stay at home, estranged from all his old friends and licking his wounds? Absolutely.

It was just that one day, Colt woke up and realized that his life completely, literally, sucked. Was this what he had dreamed of so fervently as a child, spending countless hours in front of the fuzzy screen of an old TV? But at the same time, Colt didn't want to go back to his old friends, in front of whom he had almost died some time in the past... It would have been the most embarrassing situation in his career, and even in his life. Yes, even more embarrassing than the time he got the wrong film sets and acted like a child lost in a supermarket.

But at the same time, the desire to be set on fire, hit by a car, beaten to death (on screen, of course) grew more and more. Maybe he just wanted to forget his problems, his past, at least in that moment when there was only him, the props and the director's shouts in the speaker. When moral pain is washed away by physical pain.

Despite the reasons, Colt has already found a reliable job for himself. Some kind of C-category debut movie, whose stunts can only be matched by its name. Seriously, "Heavy Metal" sounded like they were making a cocktail of the Terminator and Fast and Furious at its worst. But it was exactly what Colt needed at the time. He immediately flew to picturesque Los Angeles, or rather, to the most abandoned part of it. Covering his eyes with a sleep mask and leaning back in a comfortable economy class seat (because like the movie, like the transportation), he wanted to think only about the stunts to come and the bruises they would leave.

***

Colt settled in on the set pretty quickly. From the beginning, he didn't plan to get close to any of the crew, but innocent conversations about nothing and going to the bar almost every night isn't really getting close, is it? In any case, there were some really good guys here who had never heard of the tragically sensational name "Colt Seavers," and that was to Colt's advantage. There was also one silent guy who gave Colt shivers down his spine. There was just something about this emotionless look and leather gloves that Colt had never seen before. It was like meeting a block of ice in the African desert. And he wasn't even exaggerating. But Colt had to admit that all the stunts related to cars were so easy for this guy that the old stuntman even felt a bit jealous. Nevertheless, the work was going on, they were already halfway through the final scenes, which meant the final stunts. And just at that moment, when the scenery for the third act was already set up around the perimeter, and the stunt team was already discussing a grand celebration of the end of filming, Colt realized that he hadn't gotten what he had come here for in the first place. He got hit in the face (and not only in the face), set on fire, and hit by a car (all at the same time), but the feeling of emptiness, of being broken, of being eaten up from the inside... It did not disappear. One day on the set, he heard Jody's name mentioned, and that's how he found out that she was now a debut director with the bookies' movie of the year. He thought about Jody, who had moved on from their relationship and was now building her career, her future, fulfilling her long-held dreams. And here he was, working on a godforsaken movie in the back alleys of a forgotten city of dreams. He could not think of a greater irony. But of course, Colt was genuinely happy for Jody, except that the fact that she had managed to forget the past made him even more broken than he was when he arrived here.

As he waited for the director's cue before the next trick, Colt already knew that tonight he would get drunk beyond recognition. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he didn't mind solving problems with marathons of alcoholic beverages either.

At least in this place, he had company for that, and after gathering everyone, they headed to their trusty bar right after work.

But this time, everything was a little different. Not only the fact that on this particular evening Colt had decided to drink himself into a state of habitual alcoholism, but also the fact that for some unknown reason he had stopped in front of his silent colleague. Their eyes met a moment before, when Seavers was leaving the set with his company, and suddenly something drew him in like a magnet. He was like this sometimes, gazing the other stuntman for unknown reasons. He blamed everything on curiosity.

It was as if the stuntman's lips opened on their own, saying words against his will:

"Hey... Do you want to go to a bar with us?" Colt spoke slowly and carefully, as if he was not sure that the person in front of him understood human speech.

In fact, Colt did not even hope for a positive answer. And the pause that hung between them after his offer only fueled his confidence that he would be simply rejected. Probably, it was just manners and upbringing that did not allow him to pass by, and no mysterious magnetism in the clear blue eyes of the nameless stuntman.

Imagine his surprise when his colleague nodded after this strange, long pause. And without another word, he joined their company of unhappy stuntmen on their way to the bar. To say that everyone else was also shocked would be an understatement.

But since it happened that way... Well, Colt had asked for it, so why did he feel like he'd rather not?

With these thoughts in mind, he opened the majestic wooden doors of the bar (which looked more like a tavern from a fantasy movie), revealing to his friends an unlimited paradise of alcoholic pleasures. Stepping inside, Colt's gaze once again met the nameless stuntman. He would be lying if he said he didn't think about him... from time to time. Severs was fascinated on a subconscious level by the mystery of the guy, maybe also by his hair... he just wondered how he kept it so neat when he himself was a mess.

Colt was about to take his usual place at the very center of the long bar when he noticed his silent colleague sitting at the very end. In one impulsive move, almost as impulsive as decision to work on this movie, Colt sat down on the seat next to him. At first, the nameless man did not seem visually pleased with his presence, as one could tell by his deliberately frowning face. Whether it was because he was really so silent, or because deep down he didn't really mind the company of the bigger stuntman... either way, he didn't tell Colt to get the hell out of here.

Drink after drink followed as evening followed day. Colt drank whatever he could get his hands on, stirred, shook, and drank again. First he had a headache at the thought of a future morning hangover, now he just had a headache. And the only thing you need to know about Colt if you're going to get drunk with him is that alcohol works on him in the most banal way - it loosens his tongue and makes him an even bigger idiot than he already is. And this time, a silent stuntman became his victim.

Everything was quiet, they didn't touch each other and seemed to have forgotten about each other's existence for a moment. Until Seavers decided to turn his face, red from the amount of drinks he had drunk, to his neighbor and ask him something that had been on his mind for an annoyingly long time:

"How do you..." Colt made incomprehensible gestures above his head. And this action could not but attract the attention of the machine stuntman. "How do you keep your hair like that?"

Colt spoke extremely slurred and quietly, and if it weren't for the short distance between him and the other stuntman, he wouldn't have caught his mumbling over the noise and music of the crowded place. And honestly? He would have been better off not hearing anything.

Hesitating whether to pretend that he didn't hear the question or to please this stranger with his answer, the young man suddenly chose, unexpectedly even for himself...

"Like what?" ...to answer in a monotone tone, not even caring if the words would reach the other person through the background noise.

"So beautiful." Answer followed almost immediately after the question. Without even a slight hesitation.

Well... Colt really thought his hair was beautiful, is that a crime?

But the expression on the silent stuntman's face screamed "are you an idiot?" so unbearably that Colt couldn't stand it and turned away from him.

It was obvious that the conversation was not going well.

But that was not the end. There was one more moment that seemed simply impossible in light of recent events, but it happened.... Colt's neighbor exhaled heavily and muttered a sluggish:

"I take care of it."

Colt nodded, staring stupidly at the man across from him. As if he'd just seen an alien, by God. But no, it was just the effect of the added joy of a successful conversation and the degree of alcohol.

And, of course, Colt didn't realize what he was doing. Perhaps his instincts to talk with everything around him (in this case, his unfortunate colleague) as soon as his body crossed the threshold of the bar were awakened.

After a few more drinks, when Colt's head became physically heavy and he had to bang it against the bar (either it was his imagination or there was a crack in the table after that), Seavers decided to open his mouth one more time:

"You know..." Even in his state of intoxication, Colt realized how pathetic his mumbling voice sounded. "You're good. I don't know you, but you're good."

Another thing you should learn before agreeing to get drunk with Colt Seavers is that you can never tell if he's telling the truth under the influence of alcohol or if he's making up some nonsense under the influence of alcohol.

Colt's neighbor seemed to completely ignore his feeble attempts to find a common theme. Perhaps it was for the best...

But still, what could stop a drunken adult with a complete mess in both his head and his life from talking to a semi-stranger one more time?

"Why are you still here?" a logical question, since all his colleagues have already left, having more important things to do than drown their sorrows.

For a second, the scorpion-jacketed stuntman looked surprised by this question, but then shrugged without looking up from the suspicious substance in his hands. He had no idea what he was doing in the middle of the night in unknown bar next to his unfamiliar colleague. He was probably just bored.

Colt nodded almost in understanding, his eyes fixed on the other man's face the entire time. Was he delusional, or was there a strange connection between them? A bond between two lonely men in the middle of a raucous bar, unable to strike up a conversation but exchanging quiet glances.

Colt didn't drink again that night, but instead began to examine this random companion more closely. They were similar in some ways, in fact, but Colt's attention was drawn more to the small things about him that he had previously ignored. For example, the toothpick that had been dangling from the corner of his mouth for the entire evening. Or how mesmerizingly long his eyelashes were...

"You're a damn good stuntman..." A sharp compliment broke the silence between them. Colt did not give up trying to squeeze a word out of this stuntman. And this time he succeeded.

"Thank you." It was fabulous, as unexpected as the look in those clear blue eyes that followed.

It was like a game, where Colt's prize was to get an answer from the mysterious man.

"Do you want a toothpick?" was another unspoken gesture to which Colt nodded uncertainly. How was he to know that giving someone a thin piece of wood meant the highest peak of respect from this guy...

The younger stuntman couldn't help but wonder how he could still tolerate Colt's behavior. he slid his gaze over the broad features of the man's face as if that would give him an answer. He wasn't usually this friendly, but that little voice in his head was making him behave politely around Seavers, just as it had made him stare at the newly recruited stuntman longer than he should have.

Now Colt also had a toothpick sticking out of his mouth, which he was chewing on, thinking how dignified he was acting for someone who seem to be passing out from the amount of alcohol in his blood. Which meant it was time to do something horrible and shameful to end this party on the right note.

"Didn't I tell you you had nice hair?" Colt muttered, 

Is Colt hallucinating or did the other stuntman smile with the tip of his mouth at this question?

But that still wasn't awkward enough, so he started whining. Alcohol is a good excuse to blame your problems on someone else, right?

"Y'know... I was, like, successful..." And then Colt began to tell his story from the beginning of the incident. He remembers the details of that day and the day that followed with the utmost precision, leading up to this moment. To this point in his life, where he was making friends with by telling his private tragedies.

The other stuntman seemed to be drawn into the conversation, even though he hadn't said a word the whole time. He was a good listener, that's for sure.

"Jody, she..." Colt's face twisted, not in contempt, but more in the pain of realizing the enormity of what he had done.

He didn't even need to finish his sentence, it was already clear that he had ruined his life.

Seavers tilted his head back, gazing up at the ceiling with its characteristically dimmed lamps, probably contemplating the meaning of his existence.

And what about his colleague? He sat silently, somewhat puzzled by the sincerity of a man with whom he had never expected to speak. And normally he would have sat there, not worrying about someone else's complicated fate. What was different this time? Perhaps the compliments on his hair had made enough of an impression on him to make him feel a little compassionate.

And without knowing any better, he cleared his throat and spoke, as if he hoped in the depths of his soul that he wouldn't hear him:

"Do you want a ride?"

Colt didn't even flinch at this question, although a few minutes ago he would have been pleased by such friendliness from his new acquaintance. He was too exhausted to even register the question in his mind. Without moving, he purred in agreement.

The stuntmen began to get up from the bar, and Seavers's gut told him that he was in for a painful betrayal of his own legs. Standing up from the chair he had almost grown to over the past few hours, his limbs immediately buckled and, stumbling around in them, he came perilously close to falling face first. Until he was picked up by his friend (who didn't really look happy about the situation he had gotten himself into).

Now it so happened that this little-known man was the only one in this place to whom he suddenly decided to open up. And who now knew the real and tragic Colt Seavers. What a strange turn of events.

"How much did you drink?" Colt muttered in confusion, leaning closer to the man who had become his literal support.

"Not much."

For some reason, this made Colt giggle, as if the voice of another stuntmam tickled him.

They made their way to an inconspicuous car in a simple parking lot near the movie set. What a blessing that it was only a few unsteady steps from the bar to the place.

The trip was going to be a long one...

[greyias]

I have made it through the pilot episode of my silly forgotten spy show from 2011! The yellow subtitles are super duper distracting, and sometimes cover up the actual subtitles when they start speaking in other languages. I persevere though! Beggars can't be choosers when it comes to nearly lost media.

Thoughts below the cut!

First up, apparently my memory lied to me right off the bat, and I had forgotten the show wasn't "four white guys", it was "three white guys" and the main character, Ricky Martinez, who is Puerto Rican. Whoops. My bad.

Okay first, since likely no one has seen this show, our cast:

Pictured: 4 wild and crazy guys, on a future adventure I've already forgotten

On the left, our main character, Ricky Martinez. The newbie. Again, the least white man here. A little baby. A sparkly eyed ingenue, who has always dreamed of being a spy.

Next up is Michael Dorset, played by Eric Close. He's the team leader! His personality is "dickishly controlling", I guess, but he somehow fades into the background in the pilot. But that's mostly because standing to the right of him...

...is Billy Collins, played by James Murray. My beloved, my baby boy, the inexplicably Scottish spy that works for the CIA(?). This is explained very quickly in that he used to be part of the British Secret Service, but then got deported (???) "on account of boyish mischief". To my recollection, this is the only explanation we ever get. He's just Scottish and he's there. Accept it.

And finally we have Casey Malick, aka "The Living Weapon". He's like if Elliot Spencer was extremely deadpan all the time. An average guy surrounded by supermodels for coworkers. He doesn't seem to mind.

Now that my oh-so descriptive introductions are out of the way. Onwards to the plot! After a very questionable historical narration of the CIA, it starts with our little fwesh faced, cherubic wannabe spy Ricky going to his first day at work! He's so excited to start his dream job, and I guess in this universe, if you get a job with the CIA you're actually allowed to tell your mommy, because she packed a lunch for him for his first big boy day at the office! (Who he apparently doesn't live with so did he make a pitstop on his way to work?). Unfortunately, the lovingly prepared Asopao De Pollo is quickly deemed a "suspicious liquid" and Ricky is detained as a suspected terrorist, because oopsie! The CIA accidentally merged their new hire list with the terrorist watchlist. AS YOU DO.

But that's all sorted out quickly enough, although I think lunch may have been ruined in the process, and our derring do protagonist marches onward to the office of the deputy director of the CIA to report for duty, only to be informed that he was laid off as of five minutes ago. WOMP WOMP. After giving a rousing speech about how obsessed he is with being a spy, the director, seeing the perfect patsy, basically assigns Ricky to be a tattletale on the team of troublemakers who are constantly irritating him.

So he immediately goes to meet/spy on his new coworkers, who introduce themselves to Ricky and the audience, and then when Ricky tries to bluff out his reason for being assigned to the team, SUDDENLY get called on a super duper urgent mission just a few blocks down (it's on American soil, but that's okay because they're rebelllllls), and they let Billy drive, which seems to be a mistake because he's either forgotten what side of the road to drive on, or thinks he's actually playing Grand Theft Auto. I started to try and count how many civilians he nearly plowed into as he literally DRIVES OVER SIDEWALKS and almost causes several accidents as they race to find... uh, I don't know. Somethingsomething plutonium. I should note, this isn't even ten minutes into the episode's runtime.

So the three senior spies chunk our poor fresh faced baby spy onto the road where he has to run down and climb into a moving vehicle to give an envelope to an operative who turns out to be Russian, and as understanding dawns on poor Ricky, he's thrown on his ass again into the street, where the little rascal senior spies pick him back up and are like "aw how sweet we got photos of that", because you know, spies. And blackmail. And the relentless hazing of the newbie begins.

Other things they do to this poor man in this episode alone include:

cockblocking him on a date (granted, it's a date with Michael, aka leader dude's ex wife)

trick him into making a toast with a drugged flask of whiskey

glue an earpiece to his eardrum(???)

send his unconscious form on a horse so he'll get kidnapped by the villains of the week (for reasons)

decide to wake him up by nearly shattering his eardrum with the sound of bagpipes

at the end of the episode they cockblock him again by waiting for him in the dark in his own house, just because

Anyway, plot of the week is rescuing a journalist who's been captured by... *heavy sigh* Sudanese rebels. Because while this wasn't made closer to 2001 post-9/11 reactionary, it's still, you know, close enough that we're still in that era of television. So they all commit a little grand larceny (although is it grand larceny if the money you "acquire" for a hostage exchange is counterfeit?), Ricky has to go get his vaccines, somewhere in this Billy actually tries to be friendly to him and give him advise, Ricky causally proposes bombing some potato farmers because the deputy director is trying to teach him about the viability of intel, and they have to fly coach, the HORROR, before we finally get to...

The Scene™.

The one scene that once I saw it again, made me vividly remember cringing as it aired back in 2011. Like, it wasn't great then, and it aged even more poorly... the scorpion scene. It's... it's... yeahhhhhh... I have a vague memory they didn't lean too heavily into the racist stereotyping later in the series, unless my memory just completely blanked all of that out. But yeah... it's not great. And CBS was like. SUPER proud of this scene. In all of the promotional trailers and lead up to the pilot airing, they include the 🦂 incident in a lot of them.

🦂 🦂 🦂 ANYWAY. Let's move on from that 🦂 🦂 🦂

Anyway, then the drugging incident above happens, which was done so Deputy Director who just won't spend any $$$ to authorize rescuing non-Americans needs a bonafide American in danger to send in the helicopters. Also there's like, at least a dozen rando hostages just to up the ante I guess. After being rudely woken up by bagpipes (courtesy of our resident inexplicable Scot, of course), the cavalry arrives! And Ricky gets super tazed in the process, because he didn't have enough going wrong in his life. Anyway they rescue the hostages, Ricky decides he wants to be part of this group of charming rascals and joins the team officially.

Thirteen years later, and writing all of that out, I truly question his sanity.

So how does the pilot hold up? Well, ahem, certain scenes aside... it's not so bad? I mean, all of the above does sound chaotic as fuck, but I mean, when you literally name your show CHAOS, I guess there's a little of that to be expected. And by the end of the episode, Billy at least starts to feel a little bad for them being unrelenting assholes to poor Ricky. Maybe this was why he was my favorite character back in the day (I mean, other than the fact that he's played by James Murray).

And now... onto the ratings!

Rating*: 🍸🍸🍸/5 Shaken Martinis. I subtracted an entire two points for the gd scorpion scene. CBS was way too proud of that in their marketing for this show.

* - I'm grading this show on a curve, considering it's been so neglected.

Idiot Spy Boyfriend Award: Since we have four lovely hunky spies to choose from, each episode I will give the following award to whoever acts the most like Theron Shan this time around. A completely bewildering metric for anyone who has not played SWTOR, but this is my blog and I make the rules. Today's winner is, of course, Billy, for needlessly playing GTA5 in traffic, nearly committing vehicular manslaughter about 15 times before I lost count, and also just… having a sound file of Scottish bagpipes at the ready???? Ricky, you do not get it for the 🦂, because that scene doesn't deserve to be rewarded. Try better next time.

Will there be a next time? I have no idea. I'm already wanting to rewatch the second episode, but we'll see if I have the spoons to do any more recapping.

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

hi @leverage-ot3 here again

this isn’t even necessarily leverage ot3 propaganda, just leverage propaganda!!!

are you a sad/angry/annoyed at capitalism zillenial or just someone done with the world and it’s problems??? LEVERAGE WILL BE YOUR ULTIMATE COMFORT SHOW

like yes it has a word of god canon ot3 (which may not seem like much, but it happened in 2012 when gay marriage wasn’t even legal in the US where it aired yet so poly rights were extra not a thing) (below: the ot3 in 2021 looking extra fine and poly we love to see it)

but it also spends five seasons plus a reboot eating the rich and powerful for 45 minutes an episode

also this has THEE fastest found family speedrun you’ll ever see in your life!!! literally a dynamic I would kill for!

also the writers worked with real career criminals to get the cons and thievery right, and they were so good at what they did that the writers got reported to homeland security/fbi/etc multiple times because they found real loopholes in the system that would have inspired real crime so they had to write the episodes differently to deter that (literal goals???) definitely look into john rogers (one of the main writers) on twitter he is thee most chaotic and angry at capitalism people on that website

the team also gloats at the bad guys at the end of every episode for maximum greatness and it is wonderful to watch them feel smug and satisfied that evil people are going to jail (below is from the inside job- s3- and they are serving looks as usual)

also ALSO parker the thief (canon best thief in the world) and part of the ot3 is canon autistic and is treated by the writers with love, care, and grace! she’s perceived as super weird a lot of the time but her family and her boys love her for it and support her through her journey and love her for who she is 💖 don’t let her near you or she’ll steal ur wallet tho

anyways watch leverage for them (the ot3) but also them (the found family of your dreams) but also them (eating the rich for fun)

she can steal my wallet i dont mind *twirls hair*

[cluelessatthispoint]

HI ITS PLATONIC YANDERE ANOM HERE AGAIN IM SO SORRY FOR COMING IN YOUR ASKS AGAIN BUT I NEEDED TO GET THE IDEA OUT OF MY SYSTEM BEFORE I COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT IT IM SORRY!!!!

I keep thinking of a platonic Yandere!RED Pyro with either a BLU Engineer!Reader or BLU Spy!Reader. The idea of Pyro, an absolute menace of a human, a danger to everything and everyone to some degree, a complete pyromaniac and ABSOLUTELY NOT sane in the head caring so deeply for someone who they are supposed to kill just fills my lil heart with joy.

Yes, they did force you to join their tea party with their "friends"(who are a bunch of dead parts of your teammates), they also broke all of your weapons and MAYBE went a little overboard by "begging you to stay just a little longer"(pointing their axe at you while starting directly at your soul) but like- c'mon! You two are besties!! It's normal!!!

They just want to spend their time with you out of battle! And your corpse after a battle or your severed head that Medic was experimenting on simply doesn't hit the same spot as talking to you while you are alive and "well"! Even if that means that they will have to tie you to a chair with a "lovely red and blue ribbon"(literally the tightest and itchy rope ever known to man) and "put a do not disturb sign on the door"(locking and barricading the door so nobody can leave or enter). They just want to spend time with you!! Is it so wrong to have you by their side on work days just for a few hours?? I'm sure your team won't even notice!! Just stay calm and let your good friend Pyro help you relax and forget about the outside world :D

(SORRY THIS IS SO LONG :()

To make this easier I'm going to write the reader as the BLU Spy. I really love the idea! Pyro is such a little crazy guy and I love him, not as much as engie. But it's pretty darn close. :) No worries about the long request, the more detailed the better!!!

warnings: platonic yandere, blood, mild gore and kidnapping.

~~~~~~~~

Being hired as the new BLU Spy for the BLU team was a surreal dream come true. The opportunity to go to new places and to see new things and experience different cultures while getting paid was really a great deal. Being under the tutelage of the former BLU Spy for years now you felt more ready for this job, than at any other job. The sights, the sounds, the comradery! It was perfect. Well, almost perfect.

Having worked for the team for a little over three months you began to notice right away that there was something up with the RED Pyro. That crazy arsonist seemed to target you every time in battle. No matter if you were cloaked or in disguise, he would somehow always know that you were there. It was so humiliating!

The time you disguised yourself as the RED Sniper he seemed to know right away. Remembering how you made it as far as the door to the intel room before he rounded the corner and hacked you to pieces with an axe. It was horrible. The feeling of white-hot pain and warm blood pooling out of you was one of the feelings that you would not have repeated. That damned RED Pyro, well. he has another thing coming to him that's for sure! Today for the match you made a plan. Before the RED Pyro could find you, you would find him!

The thought made you smile. With fifteen minutes till the battle started you set to finalizing every detail. Instead of cloaking and running to the RED Sniper's nest you would track around the RED base and disguise yourself as the RED Spy. Grabbing your tools and your invis watch you made your way over to the respawn room and waited. Before too long you were joined by your fellow teammates. The noisy din echoing off the tiled walls served as a comfortable distraction.

The memories of previous battles only fueled your determination. The disturbing memory of watching the previous battle's clean up flashed briefly across your mind. How from a distance you could see the enemy Pyro go digging around in the pile of corpses looking for something. You don't know why you stayed, why you watched him from afar. Maybe it was just morbid curiosity, or maybe it was just to simply be nosy. You weren't quite sure. But when the Pyro pulled your severed head from the pile you felt your knees wobble. The way he held your corpse in his arms seemed almost tender-like.

Shaking your head to clear your thoughts you readied your disguise. The voice of the Administrator signaling the start of the battle rang out loud across the field. Steeling your nerves, you cloaked yourself and headed out the door. Walking around the field, dodging bullets aimed for your fellow teammates you had only one objective in mind: to kill the RED Pyro.

Walking around the battlefield you noticed one thing that was odd. There were only eight RED's on the field. The Pyro was missing. Feeling a pit of dread well up in your abdomen you continued cautiously onwards. Finally making it inside the RED base you put on your disguise and walked freely through the halls. Every once in a while, the sound of soft footfalls from somewhere behind you made you put up your cloak in defense. Looking this way and that, there were no signs of anybody being nearby as far as you could tell.

"My nerves must be shot." Your soft voice sounded so quiet and yet so loud in the empty base.

Walking around, you couldn't find any signs of the RED arsonist anywhere. And it was really ticking you off.

Rounding a corner, you stopped dead in your tracks. There right in front of you, starring you down; like a mountain lion staring down its prey was the Pyro. Bringing a hand up to your face you adjusted your disguise, softly exhaling as you felt the paper between your gloved fingers.

"Ah, Bonsoir mon ami. I am just in here for a relaxing smoke."

Beads of sweat rolled down your masked face. Something wasn't right. The way he stared at you; something was wrong. Something here was very, very wrong. Trying to quell your rising panic you didn't notice how he took a small step forward. Then another, followed by another. Feeling your breaths increasing, you closed your eyes. Fight, flight or freeze. Three of the things that a spy should overcome if they ever wanted a chance to be successful in their career. Stopping in front of you the Pyro looked down at your disguised face. Being only a few inches shorter than him he still seemed to tower over you.

To Pyro, you looked so cute trying to disguise yourself as his friend. But he would always know who you disguised yourself as. After all you are his bestest friend. The way that you looked for him today seemed to prove that. Placing a heavy hand on your shoulder he pulled you into a hug. To you however, his hand pulled you into a chokehold. Feeling your mask slip off you flailed your arms and legs every way you could think of. Slipping free from his arms you ducked down and ran further into the base.

Feeling a smile rising to his lips he watched as you disappear as you rounded the corner. What a great friend you were; trying to find him first, then initiating a game of hide and seek. Oh boy! what fun! From the amount of time that passed from you searching him out to him choking you the battle was long over. The doors to the outside battle grounds were sealed shut. Finally happy to have his best friend over for a game of hide and seek and a sleep over he chuckled happily to himself. Oh, what a great time the two of you were going to have. Especially since the next scheduled battle would take place in a week. The idea of having a friend over for a whole week put some pep in his step.

You both were going to have a great time. Whether you liked it or not.

~~~~~~

Playing hide and seek with Pyro would be absolutely terrifying and so much fun at the same time!

[hxneydreamers]

✨THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO GET EVERY DESIRE✨

My biggest struggle this year began when my SP and I separated. My focus was all over the place as I had just begun a new job - what was supposed to be my dream job. My mental diet completely slipped because I did not put in the time to identify what was triggering me, and I instead used my free time to desperately affirm for my SP. All my energy was on things external to me, and when I didn't see results, my self-concept got worse and worse until even my job became horrible. I was in the worst place ever and I felt trapped.

I took a break from manifestation and basically fell victim to my 3D until one day I had a breakdown and begged the 'universe' for some sort of sign of what to do. That same weekend I bumped into a friend who started telling me that she saw on Facebook that we were both part of a manifestation group. She proceeded to tell me about how she manifested her SP back with self-concept only - their situation was almost exactly the same as mine. This was the sign I needed.

That same week I decided to just start fresh and approach this with a new perspective. My goal was no longer my SP, but myself. My goal was to be happy again, to be fulfilled, to be the best and most fulfilled version of myself, to be chosen and irreplaceable, and to know that no one compares to me in my reality. Yes, I still wanted my SP, so if he came to my mind I would affirm a few things, but I would always steer my thoughts back to me and my self-concept.

This is what I have manifested so far by focusing only on my self-concept:

My anxiety and depression basically subsided almost overnight

Genuine joy, confidence & fulfillment with or without my specific desires.

More friends in my life, social opportunities, and experiences

My workplace has become so much more tolerable, and even enjoyable.

Opportunities for my career and access to expensive facilities and services for free.

New and amazing friendships at work (one of the biggest factors contributing to work getting better).

I did not feel like I fit in with my old team and didn't like my old desk, and I manifested being moved to a new team in the new year and have moved to the best and brightest desk in my part of the office.

A free trip away.

A random urge to completely change my hair and my look (didn't realize until after I did it that it was inspired action to shift into the new version of me.)

I manifested CRAZY AMOUNTS OF ATTENTION FROM GUYS! All year I had literally 0 action, and suddenly since I started working on my self-concept I have had options appearing out of nowhere.

New romantic options, including ones with similar vibes and similar situations as my SP.

Old crushes, old friends, people from the past & exes coming back!

Repeating numbers EVERYWHERE!!!!!! So many 1111 and 111's.

The craziest of all of this was that in the last 2 weeks I have had 2 guys come into my life:

The first one is a guy from the past who lives in another country on the other side of the world. He has the same name as my SP and is constantly messaging me, trying to organise trips for us to see each other and have a romantic getaway. (I know right, what the hell!?)

The second guy is the most recent in my life. He ALSO has the same name as my SP, but the weirdest part is that he has a similar personality and many similar traits to my SP. It's eerie. This relationship is the one that has progressed the most out of all of the options I've had come around, which makes me think this is all birds before land.

Lastly, my SP has been messaging me on all platforms much more frequently than usual. He even told me he has a gift for me. I have not seen this guy since March this year.

My affirmations:

I am torturously unbeatable, unforgettable, irresistible & irreplaceable

I am always chosen, come back to, and fallen deeply in love with

No one compares to me

No one holds a candle to me

I am the prize, I am the ideal

All the guys I want are deeply in love with me and want me a million times more than I want them

I am the most wanted, confident, magnetic, irresistible & irreplaceable person in the world

Please take this as a sign to:

Not stress about what you are affirming, when it comes to self-concept it doesn't matter how many you have. Just soothe yourself and become who you want to be

Stop stressing about your desires and start focusing on yourself. The rest will just fall into place.

Take your focus off things external from you. You only want them because you think they will make you happy. If you just focus on making yourself happy, then you will naturally manifest the desires that will contribute to that happiness.

I was spiraling and stuck in a cycle of picking new SP affirmations, reacting, back to square 1, and repeating. Since I began just focusing on self-concept, I've genuinely become the most confident, abundant, happy, and chosen version of myself ever.

Do I have moments of doubt and worry? Yes, I am only human. What do I do when this happens? I take a moment to acknowledge how I feel and listen to my body. I meditate when I feel like I need to rest my mind a bit (I like to use Dylan James' self-concept meditations on youtube - highly recommend! I also like to sleep with his meditations), or if I'm feeling up to it, I set a 10-20 minute timer and loop my affirmations confidently in my head.

I am currently feeling random waves of the old story coming up in my mind and dreams, and random triggers coming up in the 3D, trying to bring me back to my old identity, but I know this is just a purge of the old, because I'm certain I am just about to fully shift into this new version of myself.

I will update you on my progress soon, and hope this inspires you to keep going and just focus on YOU! You are the star, after all, no desire outside of you deserves your attention more than you do.

Also, I am finally opening up coaching again! I will be taking people at a much slower pace than before, as I literally get 100's of messages from different people and it can be hard to stay caught up as I do have a full-time job (and 2nd job) outside of this. If you need my help with anything, please reach out and I will do my best to get to you.

Due to the high volume of dm's for coaching that I get, I am considering finding a new way of approaching coaching, so stay tuned for that.

Sending love! 🧡✨

[haovcrse-a]

When in canon does your s/i come in? Do you have a scene in mind for their entrance?

Would your s/i be considered a main character, side character, villain, or something else?

How do other characters generally feel about your s/i?

Would any other characters (besides your f/o) have a crush on your s/i?

for both 😋

- tired

— when in canon does your s/i come in? do you have a scene in mind for their entrance?

ZHAOYI.

genshin: for thomayahao, he appears right alongside thoma when the traveller first gets to inazuma on the dock! when he sees the traveller arrive though, he ends up walking away.

yizou — hmm i dont remember what big story quests heizou was part of besides his hangout! but zhaoyi is definitely present in heizou’s hangout hah!

can’t say much for wriohao bc i haven’t played the story quest at all for fontaine 🫢

hsr: b!zhao first appears as someone stalking the astral express during their time on the xianzhou. we don’t see a full picture of him until after he and kafka pull blade out of jail.

s!zhao appears with sunday in the story!!

JUN.

hq au jun is nekoma’s manager!! so he first appears in the show when they do :3c his entrance scene depends on which ship! for kojun (sugawara), he quite literally runs into the karasuno boys bc he had to take care of some last minute things.

testujun enter together talking while keijun is the same bc they don’t meet til later on ^^

obey me wise and jiaoqiu i’m not sure. jun is my version of MC in om if that works!

— would your s/i be considered a main character, side character, villain, or something else?

ZHAOYI.

genshin: side character in all of them!

hsr: villains for both sunday & blade ships 😭😭 gallahao would be a side character .

JUN.

side character for hq! gets a decent amount of screen time so he’s not a minor character but he isn’t main. technically part of the antagonist group bc of nekoma’s thing with karasuno

but!! is literally the mc for obey me lol

— how do other characters generally feel about your s/i?

ZHAOYI.

most are pretty wary of zhaoyi in general due to his not so clean job paths 💀💀 paimon finds thomayato zhao intimidating and a brute lol when seeing him.

hsr… um astral express does not enjoy b!zhao’s presence. also not on the best of terms with jing yuan lol.

s!zhao is on friendlier terms with people fs. the express didn’t trust him much at first but after the whole ena’s dream thing, he’s grown on them.

JUN.

the nekoma boys are “protective” 💀 mainly yamamoto… generally, everyone has a good impression of jun!! him and kiyoko are like 🤞 after the training arc fr fr

obey me guys is just. the plot LMFAOO but i. i want to image simeon being head over heals at first sight bc that’s cute 🥹😓😓

— would any other characters (besides your f/o) have a crush on your s/i?

ZHAOYI.

for both hsr and genshjn, i can’t really image anyone else?? there would definitely be ships by fans but no extra canon stuff imo.

JUN.

i can image some of the first years & one or two second years on some of the teams lol! idk who for each but in general: hinata (but the admiration thing he does), nishinoya, kageyama, akaashi (if not keijun), um and a couple others i’m drawing blanks on names TwT

they would be more like “wow this dude is cool what the heck” crushes though

[trelkez]

Ah, Ted Lasso. This episode was 90% mess, but that 10% sure does know how to hook me.

I wish I could go back in time to the self who went into Ted Lasso thinking it was tightly plotted, top tier stuff and say, "this is a ridiculous show, but you should watch it anyway. You'll love the characters. You will get so much found family. Just don't get too attached to any plotlines or expect anything to make sense ever, and you'll be fine." That would be a reasonable expectation for this show! Unfortunately for me, we're down to the final three episodes, so it's a bit late for me to recalibrate at this point. I am, alas, still invested in the plotlines. 

So let's get into 3.10, because … wow, is there a lot to get into.

I'm rewatching the episode as I write this (just in case I forget any of the batshit turns it took and/or parts of it turn out to have been a fever dream), so I'm going to tackle it roughly in order. 

1. Richmond's ten game winning streak

Where are we at in the season? Does anyone know?

Remember when this show had season arcs organized around some kind of football-related goal? Avoid relegation, make it back into the Premier League. It seemed logical that the goal of this season would be to win the league, but I guess we're going to get there by putting the team on cheat mode in the background and then shoehorning in some "will they or won't they" football drama at the end, which is actually very in keeping with the overall theme of this episode.

2. Nate quit West Ham off-screen

I'm so glad the guy in the apartment on the other side of my living room wall was out for the night, because I literally shrieked "WHAT?????? WHAT???????" when that "Nate Shelley Out at West Ham" graphic went up.

I didn't get to Nate in my 3.09 writeup, and it's just as well, because anything I wrote before that graphic would have been immediately rendered pointless. Nate quit West Ham off-screen. He quit off-screen.

I am going to reach way, way back to the Nate Shelley I liked in season one and say: that Nate did not deserve this shit.

It has been obvious throughout this entire season that the writers weren't interested in telling the story that season two set up. They didn't especially want to dwell on or in the toxicity that bottomed Nate out last season; they didn't want to do the harder narrative work of actually building back an unlikeable character through a slow but steady redemption arc, even though they've spent entire seasons doing exactly that with Jamie. Instead, they said, "yeah, but Nate isn't really That Guy."

Does the show regret what it did? It sure feels that way. It feels like, in the pursuit of telling a story about a good guy on an ego-fueled descent, the show went way further than it meant to and has now decided to backtrack on that by treating the whole thing like a guy waking up from a bender and going, "I did what last night? Why did I do that?" That wasn't really Nate who did those things, that was Drunk Nate! He did five shots of narcissism and got blackout drunk on jealousy, and he woke up in the morning with a new job. What wild shenanigans will ensue? 

So, sure. The only way any of it makes sense is if none of it meant anything. Fine. Even then, what was the point of sending Nate to West Ham and throwing all of Rupert's smothering, menacing glitz at him only for NATE QUITTING HIS JOB AND WALKING AWAY FROM RUPERT AND WEST HAM to happen OFF-SCREEN so they can CATCH US UP ON IT via FAKE SPORTS NEWS INFOGRAPHIC??

If they didn't show it because they felt the real rejection was in Nate going home to his girlfriend, that is very poor storytelling in a season that started out with the most literal Rupert is Palpatine visual parallels imaginable. If they're trying to say that the real climax of Nate's story isn't in rejecting Rupert, but in the amends he makes with the people he hurt, then why did they drag the West Ham stuff out until the tenth episode??? Why is all of this being left for the end, when none of the West Ham stuff has ultimately mattered at all, and pulling the plug on it earlier on could've left a lot of room for handling Nate's healing process at a slower, more organic pace?

Ultimately, this is a story about a good guy who lost his way a little and wound up hanging out with a bad crowd, and now he has to apologize his way back into the hearts of his real friends. The storytelling along the way has been wildly incoherent and had brutally terrible pacing, but if you completely disregard how we got here and pretend season one Nate just woke up from a West Ham bender, there's still time to enjoy the endgame.

3. Isaac is team captain again!

So – Isaac went into the crowd and wasn't banned for the remainder of the season? Let's close our eyes for a moment and imagine that the football gods looked upon Isaac's actions and said, "yeah, that seems legit, let's give him the smallest possible set of consequences." He was sent off with a red card. For assault. But the football gods are treating punching a fan like having a go at an opposing player! Cool. That's still, what, three games?

So even if we assume he only got a three-game ban, and keeping in mind that Richmond isn't in the Champions or Europa leagues and the FA Cup is just – not happening, I guess? So they probably don't have a ton of midweek games, which means that it's been … weeks.

But wasn't the win streak at eight games last week? So – did Isaac just – not get a ban? At all? 

Nope. No. Self, you are a Ted Lasso Doylist now, remember? Nothing that happened last week was actually about Isaac in any way, so why would there be ongoing consequences for him from that storyline? Deep breaths.

Isaac is one of my favorite characters in this show, and I'm not particularly interested in there being ongoing consequences for him from whatever that was last week, so – this is fine. Don't question it. We float on an ocean of vibes. Everything is great.

4. Why?

Why did we just take a beat for microaggression with Ted being shocked Bumbercatch is Swiss? Is this really where we're at these days, comedy-wise?

I'm genuinely not sure that anyone involved here knows how to write Ted without making him completely exhausting to be around, anymore. Is that on purpose? Let's pretend it's on purpose.

5. Do we think Nate is capable of being involved in something like that?

"Nah." – the writers, who are pretending they haven't seen season two

6. Jade

I like her so much, but I am 99.95% sure that's because she is being written to be likable, with no other discernible qualities. Who is she? What motivates her? In a season full of long episodes, was there really no time to show her existing when Nate isn't in the room? Did no one in the writer's room stop to wonder, "hey, is it at all dicey if that woman in the restaurant who dislikes Nate suddenly falls in love with him so he can be healed by the power of love?" Did no one say that out loud and hear how it sounds?

Anyway. Jade. Big fan. Looking forward to hearing all about her hobbies and backstory in the ample time remaining.

7. Dani vs. Van Damme

I have a feeling this completely random side adventure into our purest angel having an asshole hypercompetitive side isn't going to land for everyone, but you know what? Sure. Why not. There are epic tales out there of teammates facing each other in the Olympics, the World Cup, etc. and trying to destroy each other and then going home like none of it ever happened. I'm totally onboard for this kind of plot in theory! They took it a little too far with Dani breaking Van Damme's nose, but as we've established, "they took it a little too far" is the story of this entire show. 

You know what would have improved this a lot? If it had happened near the beginning of the season and kicked off a recurring storyline in which someone else now has to face Dani on a spring international break. Shoved in at the end of the season (and probably the end of the series), it loses a lot of its potential, so the placement is … strange. Instead of being an ongoing character trait they could slowly build up and make funnier in the re-telling, it comes out of nowhere and immediately goes to 11. But otherwise, why not.

8. Beard gets it

Beard is the only one who watched season two. He gets it.

It would explain a lot about Beard and this entire season if Beard used to be a time traveler, so he's the only one in Richmond immune to changes in the timeline. Maybe somewhere just out of sight there's a genre show about time travel happening, and this football team just happens to exist in that universe – so the world of Ted Lasso is constantly being rewritten, but no one notices. Ted Lasso as a Doctor Who spin-off in which no one has ever met or heard of The Doctor. 

No one but Beard, anyway. Is Beard also the only one who remembers that Isaac went into the crowd last week?

9. Uncle's Day

10/10, no notes. Every time I think I'm out, this show uses Jamie Tartt to drag me right back in.

(Actually, no, one note: Jamie was joking about Isaac being his best friend, right? That was just to screw with Roy? I'm going to assume Isaac was the choice for that line because it's so obviously unlikely given how rarely they interact, and not because the writers think Jamie and Isaac are still BFFs. It would be very in keeping with this season for them to think Jamie and Isaac's friendship is just running on cheat mode in the background, but like – I'm going to assume. For my sanity. That it's just a joke.)

The funniest part of this scene winds up being that they accidentally made it look like Phoebe was having an "oh. oh" moment about Roy and Jamie. I had to rewind that twice to figure out that she was spelling it out in her head, and not like, catching on.

I would've understood if she had caught on. Roy stares at Jamie for 10.6 seconds before he says "I love it."

10. Super League? In this economy?

+10 points to Leslie for "I hate to break it to you, Rebecca, but those children are dead."

Unfortunately, -10 points to Leslie for "who cares why Rupert invited you?" Historically speaking, Rebecca should care. Rebecca is totally justified in wondering why Rupert invited her!

Why would Richmond be invited into talks about a Super League at all? Richmond? Recently promoted Richmond? Complete lack of international play Richmond? It's sus as hell. If I were Rebecca, I would absolutely assume this was some strange plot by my evil ex-husband.

(I'm not convinced it wasn't, in fact, a strange plot by her evil ex-husband. Something is going on there.)

Super League is about the richest teams banding together to shake off the chaff. As a Spurs fan, I fully, completely understand the concept of a team that isn't actually rich and successful trying to buy into an exclusive club – yes, Spurs were involved in Super League drama; no, you shouldn't ask me about their season or we'll still be here next week while I cry on you – and we are definitely already outside the tethers of reality when West Ham is at the table, but it, truly it makes no sense.

(And even if Rupert weren't the one extending the offer, "go check it out, what's the worst that could happen?" is naive at best. What's the worst that could happen? The media finds out that Rebecca was at a Super League meeting and now Richmond is being dragged into a shitstorm, whether Rebecca decided to buy in or not. Girl, do not go in there! If you don't want to join, don't join! Why is any of this happening! Get Keeley back in the building before someone runs into a PR problem they truly cannot back out of!)

11. Is the psychic's prophecy still a thing?

So … is the show going Tedbecca? After that weird flirty moment she had with Sam earlier, the matchbook almost calls back to Sam more than Ted, but the show did make a point of having Ted pull out that matchbook a few episodes ago, and here it's directly paired with his toy soldier. 

(Honestly, slow clap for everyone who did those green matchbook / green soldier gif sets earlier this season, I thought you guys were reaching straight into outer space with that one and apparently I was dead wrong!)

Ted and Rebecca have barely even talked to each other in the back half of the season. Every week I log on here and see shippers shriveling into dust, their crops unwatered. Is the matchbook/soldier thing a misdirect, or are they going to cram a significant relationship change into the final two episodes of the season after largely ignoring them in the lead-up?

I have no idea which way this is going to swing, and that's kind of terrible, because there are only two episodes left. There isn't time left to do any kind of meaningful build. There's only time for a sudden last-minute rush of drama.

When I put it like that, I think they probably are going to shove it into the endgame. Either that, or the houseboat guy suddenly shows back up out of nowhere. Whatever happens, it is going to have a "bet you didn't see that coming" flavor, because there isn't time for anything else.

12. Roy has an epiphany

What the fuck even is this?

Listen. It never made sense for Roy to have broken up with Keeley. It was clearly something they did as a way to inject some new drama. THAT SAID, they did it, and they committed to it for almost an entire fucking season, and TEN EPISODES ON a teacher with a crush on Roy makes a way-too-personal comment about how she hopes his mess hasn't caused any damage, and THAT'S what makes him suddenly realize he needs to apologize to Keeley? THAT? Just like. Boom. Realization sets in. Lightbulb visibly goes off overhead as he mutters "fuuuuuuck" to himself. A fully illustrated epiphany!

What the fuck does this show think it's doing having Roy suddenly realize that he probably hurt Keeley and needs to apologize? 

In episode ten?????

I don't know how much time has passed, because in Ted Lasso season three time is an illusion, but at minimum – months. Months later, he suddenly realizes he might have hurt his girlfriend when he broke up with her??? That isn't character growth. That is completely fucking absurd. They needed Roy and Keeley to get back together and pushed it too close to the last minute, so they did some schoolteacher deus ex machina. Of all the abrupt plot turns in this episode, this might be the second worst.

(There's a clear winner and this isn't it, but second place? It's a contender.)

13. What happened to the corporate pixie dream girl?

So the overall implication here, between this and Trent's rumor of West Ham workplace misbehavior, is that Rupert is probably headed for some workplace harassment trouble, right? If withholding the mystery of it all turns out to be why they didn't show Nate quitting in this episode, I'm going to scream. I will literally shriek with the frustration of a thousand bad plot decisions.

14. Nate's nostalgia journey

This is, sincerely, great stuff with the photo albums and the music and the journey into the attic. There is still time to enjoy the endgame!! Disregard how we got here!!

15. Rebecca vs. Super League

Just watching this scene made me feel like I've now put in enough time on Ted Lasso to be allowed by contract to take some PTO. Ted Lasso needs to pay me for my time while I recover on a tiny island in the Outer Banks. I've earned it.

So – they thought – having Rebecca scoldingly yell "what do you think you're doing? Just stop it!" while picturing aging rich men as little boys was, like … feminist? Someone involved in this process thought, wouldn't it be great if we empowered Rebecca by making her everyone's scolding mother, and no one along the way went, wait, what? 

But then it keeps going so that we can humanize Rupert, which – what? Why is this happening? Why do I know Rupert's humanizing backstory when to my knowledge, Jade was born inside Taste of Athens?

This is the most I have ever seen Rebecca care about football. It's a lovely speech, but where is it coming from? Since when is she this invested? The only thing that rings true about this is that Super League is an ugly money grab and many, many owners do not give a single shit about their team's fans. Someone wanted to write a speech about that, so we're getting it through Rebecca, just like we got that speech about deleting your camera roll through Isaac. 

Also – the food: I know that the food is a continuation of Edwin Akufo's whole thing with Sam, but it is a weird fucking choice to put so much emphasis on Ghanian food and then reduce it to slop thrown at Rebecca.

Beginning to end, we could've done without this entire Super League story and been just fine. It isn't like this 63-minute episode required extra filler.

16. 24

10/10, no notes. They really do pull me back in with Jamie every time. He revealed that 24 and I, like Roy Kent talking to a schoolteacher, suddenly realized that I ship it. Jamie wore Sam's number?? I'm going to vid this so hard.

17. Nate's dad

I did say there was a clear winner for the episode's worst plot turn.

Nate is sad at home for one episode and suddenly his dad does a complete turnaround after almost three entire seasons? It isn't like we heard a story one time about Nate's dad and now we're getting a reveal on what actually happened there – we've seen him a lot! Nate's entire motivation set is built on his dad and their relationship!

"I pushed you to succeed so you would have more opportunities than I did" is a completely legitimate story to tell, but this has been almost three seasons of disapproval so thick that it threw toxic sludge across the entire show. Nothing Nate has done has ever been good enough. Now we're at the end, and they want to heal it so that Nate can grow, so all of that is being retconned into, "I never cared if you were successful, I just want you to be happy," and suddenly his dad is a completely different person. Boom, fixed! Definitely not the kind of thing you have to heal from over time!

I say again: Nate's story deserved better than this. By pushing this all the way to the end, they've run out of room to take their time with it, so it's just being dropped in. What a mess this season is.

18. Rebecca, do NOT do it

This season is, in fact, such a mess that for a minute there, I believed that Rebecca might actually go for it with Rupert. 

I think, more than anything, I'm puzzled by the perceived necessity of this closure on Rebecca and Rupert. I get that they wanted to give us a taste of what brought Rupert and Rebecca together in the first place – to have Rebecca to see him in that old light again before taking a step back, so she could acknowledge the past in a way that helped her finally make a clean break. I get it. But … why? Was this really something lingering out there for her to overcome?

Rebecca's entire season-long conflict with Rupert has felt like intentional backsliding for the purposes of The Drama. If you imagine that she came into this season still very fired up and insecure about her ex-husband, the arc from "I want Zava so Rupert can't have him" to "I don't care about beating Rupert anymore" is fine. But … did she? Is that really where we left her in season two?

And why did an episode in which Nate quits West Ham spend so much time breaking up Rupert and Rebecca, who were already broken up, while Nate quit off-screen? 

19. What's left?

Two episodes to go! That's so much time in which to accomplish so many things!

I said to someone last week: you know, I thought this was headed for a "Nate takes over as Richmond's head coach" place, but there isn't enough time left in the season for them to do that, so I guess he's just going to be staying at West Ham?

Turns out they can do anything, because they're just going to drop in whatever at the last minute. Nothing means anything! We exist in a world without the constraints of plot and continuity! Everything is on the table.

So, what's left to shoehorn in?

- Manchester City has been inevitable all season (ask Arsenal how that feels), and we're probably going to get some stuff with Jamie's dad there. Jamie has been one of the only characters they've consistently done right by, so my fingers are crossed they don't screw that up at the finish line.

- Will Trent ever come out to the Diamond Dogs? Maybe being out in the workplace isn't his thing, but it feels like a missed avenue of storytelling to have Trent be right there in the coaching offices, in on all the gossip and sharing and advice, and not have whatever he has going on be a part of it. That would have been such an easy way to integrate queer identity into everyday conversation over a decent chunk of the season, instead of playing it almost exclusively for drama the way they have been.

- Still on Nate's apology list: Colin and Ted? If apologizing to Ted doesn't involve the believe sign somehow, I really don't know anything about this show anymore.

- Is Ted staying in London or going back to Kansas? A lot of people seem resigned to the idea that he's going back, and a lot of Tumblr is hoping he stays for Rebecca, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's some secret third thing. Two whole episodes! There's still plenty of time for them to drop a surprise twist on us. (If he goes back to Michelle, it won't be a surprise twist, but I will turn this car around.)

- Are we ever going to learn what was up with Baz's friend who got kicked out of the pub? I really thought we were headed for some bigger integration of Colin's story, wherein it turned out that was Baz's secret boyfriend or something, but … … …?

- Is anything going to come of Trent's book? I have $5 on there being an epilogue time skip in which we fast forward to the book release and see what the characters are up to (aka the "no seriously, this is it, the show is over" ending) and another $5 on the show ending on Ted in the airport and the book not ultimately meaning anything.

Two weeks until we find out!

[crescentmoonteas]

hi same anon as before, i'd love to hear more about the plot you have planned out so far!

and I would love to tell you about it!! be aware this contains spoilers for both Persona 5 Royal and the AU itself, so I'm putting it under a read more just in case

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

SPOILER ZONE oOoOOoOOoOOoo

okay so this is a very loose/rough plot outline because it's still changing and being confirmed (I literally changed Makoto's palace like 10 minutes ago) BUT

edit: I FORGOT MY BOY RYUJI........... RYUJI I AM SO SORRY........... timeline now updated to include Ryuji!

story opens with Haru talking to Wakaba about the exploits of the PTs (same framing device as Sae talking to Joker)

flashback to Haru arriving in Tokyo to start her probation

Sojiro is like "grumble grumble kids these days and their *checks notes* haha you kicked a guy in the balls? that's rad. anyway don't do it again"

first day of school

Haru meets Sumi

Sumi's like "I KNOW WHERE SCHOOL IS SENPAI"

surprise: school is now Madarame's palace (same art gallery kind of theme, thinking of having waxworks instead of paintings and it's highly implied the waxworks are just the cognitive versions of students that have been dipped in wax)

Sumi's like "OKAY MAYBE I DON'T KNOW WHERE SCHOOL IS SENPAI"

anyway blah blah awaken Haru's persona

meet Goro who's stuck and about to be taxidermied (chrome spellcheck told me this was wrong and it was actually taxidermised but apparently you can use both. this is irrelevant to the plot I'm just letting everyone know what I learnt today) by Madarame

save Goro, learn about persona, etc etc

decide best way to get Yusuke to fess up is by stealing his diary

steal the poor man's diary

Haru takes it back to Leblanc and tries to open it

Goro is no help because he's like WE HAVE NO LOCKPICKS!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!!! PECK IT OPEN?!

Akira (works part-time at Leblanc) is like "hi :) let me get that for you" *opens diary*

(Akira is the one who teaches Haru about infiltration tools)

meet Ryuji at some point. he's the new track star at Shujin!

anyway. something something awaken Sumi's persona, recruit Yusuke, awaken his persona, everyone gets a persona,

defeat Madarame

yay

go to Kosei to attend a volleyball game

Haru learns who Ann and Futaba are

[the second palace belongs to the guy who runs the eSports team that Futaba is on. I have yet to really nail these details so let's just skip forward]

Futaba: persona awakened, joins the team, hooray!

Futaba promotes the PTs by claiming they're sponsoring her. she puts their logo on her gamer jacket and all.

third palace is Principal Kobayakawa whose name I can never spell correctly from memory so apologies in advance

Kobayakawa has tasked our poor little meow meow Morgana, who is literally just a first year hall monitor with big dreams, with finding out what's going on with students getting jobs and shady deals

Morgana: panic.mp4

the PTs decide to go and change Kobayakawa's heart because tbh he's a bit of a dick

Morgana: persona awakened, joins the team, hooray!

important note: they do NOT find out about Kaneshiro or any of that. however, Kaneshiro is mysteriously taken down anyway.

Haru gets a text that's like "hello pls change my heart. I am literally dying. here's my address pls bring Big Bang Burger if you're coming" (that's a joke) (maybe)

the address leads to an apartment complex and Makoto lives on the very top floor. she's basically barricaded in and the state of her apartment probably violates every single health code

her rent/bills were set to auto-pay but the money's running out

they find out the auto-pay was set up by Sae before she died while out on a mission

"hey this apartment kinda looks like a lighthouse huh-"

MAKOTO'S OWN PALACE TIME

Makoto's palace is an abandoned lighthouse on a deserted island

the water level is rising and there's a leviathan nearby threatening to kill them

the PTs need to get through her palace and change her heart before they all drown/get eaten

pls look at this tweet by Jazzy for Makoto's palace and persona refs!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway. save Makoto, reconciliation with Sae, wooo Makoto is a PT now and she's the nav so Goro can finally stop guessing everything wildly

fifth palace belongs to Akira's dad who owns a wildly successful modelling company (that happens to be the same one Ann belongs to! what a coincidence)

Akira is engaged to Mika and the deadline for their wedding is approaching

(note: Mika isn't a complete bastard in the AU like Haru's fiance - she keeps her own personality!)

Akira's dad's palace is a factory where the models are the product

something something something. have yet to decide if Akira's dad dies like Haru's. remind me to ask Jazzy about this when we start designing that bit of the AU

Jazzy mentioned having both Akira's parents as bosses in the palace so we're doing that!!!

cognitive Akira is like a Barbie doll - he's trapped in a plastic box and he's not allowed out lest the world damages their perfect little darling <3

(hitting cognitive Akira turns him into damaged goods)

anyway AKIRA GET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sixth palace is Wakaba's

she asks the PTs to explore her palace in the name of COGNITIVE PSIENCE!!!!!

Haru still gets apprehended and arrested by the antisocial force after and they fake her death like oh no, the PTs aren't together anymore. what a shame. anyway,

Seventh palace is Kamoshida

Ann gets her engine room moment (keeping this under wraps because the ideas Jazzy had were AMAZING and I don't want to spoil them)

Kamoshida goes down in FLAAAAMMEEESSSSSSSSS

hang on. everything is wrong. wh-

TIME TO FIGHT YALDABAOTH

pew pew pew

oh no. we lost Goro- oh wait there he is

and everything was fine :)

OR WAS IT!

MARUKI REALITY TIME

RYUJI WAS REALLY HIS BROTHER RYOJI?!?!?!?!?!

AND THE REAL RYUJI WAS THE TRACK STAR AT SHUJIN!

Maruki should not be a therapist. listen. that man needs whatever license/credentials he has revoked.

ANYWAY SHUAKE REALITY TIME NOW AKECHI HAS A HUMAN BOD OUTSIDE OF THE METAVERSE

Maruki fight: now with 20% more thong!

[spoilers censored because they're big and I want them to hit people in the face] [in a loving and good way]

anyway that's the general idea of it. obvs I haven't noted side confidants or anything but that's like the skeleton. the spine. the framework. if you have any Qs, my ask box is open!!!!