#guys living for the tiny spinosaurus

[hyydraworks]

Etsy Update!

I finally figured it out guys, I'm sorry. It's going to be Thursday Nov. 7th at 5pm ET. Gunna have dinos, gunna have dragons (I swear even though there aren't any in these pictures), frogs, gunna have a bunch of reptiles that I didn't know until I made them aren't dinosaurs at all. So many reptiles, so many amphibians.

[aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee]

The Firsts + Cloud each get a singular dinosaur as a pet, what do they get and what do they do with it? (I’m sorry this needs to come out into the light after seeing that one poll)

I definitely haven't been waiting for this my whole life as a future paleontologist hahaha...

(I will add images because there's a lot of UNCULTURED people who don't know anything about dinosaurs and the pictures from Jurassic world are NOT what they actually looked like./lh)

Genesis: he would like sauropods, but not the ones that are as big as a damn mountain, he would like the tiny ones(which are like 1,50 meters long and 6 meters tall). I would give him the tiniest one known until now, Europasaurus.

I feel like he would give it a big ass garden with trees and fruit and everything it needs, it's like his third most precious possession after his loveless copy and himself/hj

Sephiroth: he's uhh.... Weird. I would give him a Spinosaurus. Not only because of the vibes, but also because paleontologist have no fucking clue about most things about them. There's a big discussion happening in the paleontologist fandom™(/j) about whether the spinosaurus lived in water or earth. At first it was earth, yet a random Canadian decided they actually lived on water thanks to their similarities to cocodriles and reptiles similar to them, besides also having a long tail that could've been a fin. In my opinion, I believe on what some people say about spinosaurus actually living on both. There's also something cool that the big spine on their back was supposed to change colors depending on the Spinosaurus' body temperature, and they needed to get into the water to cool down.

Also, they eat fish. And fish = cats. And cats = Sephiroth

I feel like he would just... Stare at it. I don't know. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what to do with it either.

Angeal: I'm sorry I don't know much about him. I feel like he would have a Triceratops just because of the vibes. Another alternative is a Pachycephalosauria, they have a hard head and are very silly, I feel like he would find them amusing (as well as also similar to Zack).

No matter what option is, he would take proper care of them as if he was the one to give birth to the dinosaur.

Zack: As a child I feel like Zack would've had T-Rex's as his favorite dinosaurs because he saw them in movies and toys and thought they were really cool. Yet, after watching the documentary/movie "Walking with dinosaurs" his favorite is the Pachyrhinosaurus. And I would give him that one.

He would probably do his best to take care of it without ending with his house completely destroyed and would buy matching hats/sweaters for them to wear. Also he would ride it as if it was a chocobo.

Cloud: at first I was thinking a Stegosaurus simply because of vibes, yet I'm going more with a Parasaurolophus. They're just chill chunky guys and I feel like Cloud wouldn't want to have any more problems added to his life.

Yet, they're too big... So another option I thought for Cloud are Velociraptors. And no, they look nothing like the ones in movies. They are AT BEST 0,5 meters tall(50cm), and they also have feathers. It would be like having a little Chocobo who wouldn't hesitate a second to eat you as soon as you're unconscious... But let's pretend this one is actually friendly and sees Cloud as family. Okay? Okay.

[polurbehr]

FAVODIOTR DINOSAUR??

OKAY I HAD A DINOSAUR/PREHISTORIC ANIMAL SPECIAL INTEREST AS A CHILD AND EVEN THOUGH I FORGOT MOST RANDOM INFO I STILL LOVE THEM DEEPLY. SO NOT ONLY WILL YOU GET MY FAVORITE DINOSAURS, I’LL REVEAL MY TOP BEASTS OF ALL TIME THANK YOU FOR ASKING OKAY LETS GO

Coming in strong we’ve got spinosaurus. He is SO SCARY and EVIL LOOKING and he is a LOVELY BEAST. Also I don’t think those who know of this dinosaur fully grasp how giant this dude was. He was like 25 feet tall. Twice as tall as a Tyrannosaurus rex. He is five times taller than me he would eat my family I love him. Also, he was probably semi-aquatic. Pretty swag

Next up is my best buddy the ankylosaurus. People NEVER talk about my little guy over here. He is so underrated compared to others like the triceratops, this makes him sad. GIVE HIM LOVE NOW. He is just a big ox mixed with an armadillo to me and I want one as a pet. Just a big old boulder with a spiky back and little horns and a mace for a tail. He could instantly shatter my bones but I don’t care. He’s my best friend, he’s my pal, he’s my homeboy, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time boy

OKAY NOW TIME FOR THE NON-DINOSAURS BUT STILL HONORABLE MENTIONS.

You ever see a frog and say “damn I wonder what it would be like if that thing was almost a foot and a half long and weighed as much as my cat.” Well they used to be like that. And they were called BEELZEBUFO. Which deadass just means Devil Frog. Cool as fuck. Also they ate small dinosaurs like microraptors sometimes when they weren’t eating other tiny baby animals. It may or may not have been venomous and/or poisonous. We don’t know that much sadly. But look at this FAT FUCK I love him. Big ass frog

AND NOW. Time for my favorite fish and prehistoric creature of all time. The man of the hour. Motherfucking COELACANTH!!!!!!!!! This fish became a “spin-off” special interest following the dinosaurs so I’m mostly just using this as an excuse to rant about him. This bad boy fooled scientists into thinking he went extinct until they were officially recorded around 1940. BUT MY BOY SURVIVED IN SECRET SINCE BEFORE THE DINOSAURS WERE HERE!!!!! OVER 400 MILLION YEARS THIS DUDE SURVIVED IT ALL!!!!!!!! And he has pretty little blue spots!!! He also has EIGHT FINS TOTAL!!! And lives in the really deep parts of the Indian Ocean and I wanna give him a little smooch because he is my best friend but alas. I cannot swim and he cannot breath air. May we meet in another lifetime in spirit, he is such a gentle soul.

So in conclusion if you have read this far, thank you and also you should now know better than to ask me about prehistoric creatures of any kind. Yippee

[theradioghost]

@inkbee replied to your photo “I don't necessarily talk about my all-consuming passion for...”

If you don’t mind my asking, how did they know the color of the feathers?

!!!!

OKAY SO IF YOU ASK ME THIS IS THE COOLEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST DECADE AND CHANGE OF PALEONTOLOGY. Cooler than finding the rest of Deinocheirus, cooler than New Spinosaurus, cooler than Halszkaraptor, cooler than that one ridiculously well-preserved nodosaur.

Basically, in some well-preserved fossils (China seems to be the best place for the right kind of preservation conditions), you can find fossilized melanosomes -- microscopic pigmentation structures, which can be compared to those in the feathers of living birds!!!! So far we can identify eumelanosomes, which make black and gray colors, and phaemelanosomes, which create browns and oranges and reds and yellows. There’s also structural color, which creates iridescence, like on peacock or hummingbird feathers!

The first dinosaur that was ~colored in~ was Anchiornis, which turned out to be black with white bars on its wings and a reddish-orange crest:

as well as Microraptor, which was iridescent black, like a grackle!!!

As an additional bit of fun all three of these were four-winged, with wings on their back legs too! But my favorite dinosaur colors are on Sinosauropteryx, which was this tiny little guy that literally turned out to look like a lemur, with orange feathers and white stripes on its tail and a lil mask like a raccoon:

It was the first dinosaur found with undeniable fossilized feathers and it was like, the size of a KITTEN. Not a newborn kitten, like a few-month-old kitten, but STILL.

[fnaf-is-awesome201]

I want you to talk about dinosaurs

Really? You do?! Hell yeah! Okay, I'm gonna ramble for a bit about dinosaurs so hope you don't mind if you do mind then I'm sorry. This is gonna be a long post, just warning you now.

Okay, so dinosaurs are cool as fuck and I love them so damn much. They’re just so... awe-inspiring. And they’re some of the coolest animals to ever walk the earth. Some were gigantic, with necks that stretched up towards the sky. Others were tiny, maybe even smaller than a chicken. Some had sharp teeth and claws (usually the most memorable ones like T. Rex and such) and some had armor-plated bodies (like the ankylosaurs). I love them all to death and I love how unique and diverse they were! All these fantastic beasts that one day just disappeared forever. I want to see one. I know, that’s crazy, and Jurassic Park shows how that could be a very bad idea, but I want to see one. Not just in the pages of a dinosaur book. I want something I can touch and feel and just see how truly magnificent they were. Dinosaurs like Dilophosaurus, Velociraptor, Parasaurolophus, Edmontosaurus, Albertosaurus and so many more! I want to see them all. How they lived, what they looked like, how they acted...

Tyrannosaurs are some of the biggest carnivorous dinosaurs, with T. Rex being the most famous. No one talks about the other Tyrannosaurs! Albertosaurus, Gorgosaurus, and probably several others yet to be discovered! These were the “tyrant lizards”! They’re big and scary and utterly fascinating! And T. Rex was the king. Tyrannosaurus Rex, or “tyrant lizard king”, was huge! 40 feet long on average and with a powerful bite, I’m willing to bet they were quite a sight to behold! It’s probably the most famous of the dinosaurs, and I can see why! It commands your attention and your curiosity more than most, and it makes for a great movie monster! Those huge teeth and crushing jaws mixed with it’s powerful legs and instinct to hunt make it an exciting creature!

Even so, it was not the biggest carnivorous dinosaur to roam during the Mesozoic! Even Carcharodontosaurus, the “shark-toothed lizard”, was bigger than a T. Rex! Or Giganotosaurus! I suppose T. Rex gained more of a spotlight because it’s easier to say the name, but there are so many other large predatory dinosaurs that deserve attention and public view!

The smaller carnivores are super cool, too! Allosaurus, the “different lizard” (and my personal favorite medium-sized carnivorous dinosaur) had a narrow head and large claws on it’s three-fingered hands. I’ve seen fossils up-close of these guys, and I have to tell you, it’s amazing. It may not be as big as your favorites, but it is an amazing dinosaur! They have horn-like protrusions over their eyes, and a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. They are absolutely beautiful and fascinating creatures!

And as for Velociraptor, you might know them from Jurassic Park. However, the real velociraptor is not nearly as big as those ones, which stand at about 6 ft. tall. The real velociraptor was about the size of a turkey! At about 2 ft. tall and 6 ft. long, Velociraptor (”speedy/quick thief”) was a tiny terror. They most likely hunted in packs to bring down animals much larger than they are. The sickle-shaped claw on both feet was used to puncture, not to tear. They were quick and effective hunters. They were also intelligent, based on the fact that they had a large brain compared to their body size. I love Velociraptors. I really do. I want to understand how they work, what they looked like, and how they lived.

Then there’s the herbivores! Undoubtedly some of the biggest animals to ever roam the Earth! The largest dinosaur currently on record was the Argentinosaurus (”lizard of Argentina” or “Argentina izard”, etc.), a monstrous titanosaur that was about 120 ft. from head to tail and likely weighed nearly 100 tons (200,000 lbs. or so)! They were huge! bigger than even the biggest land-dwelling animals today! Taller than giraffes, even! And you most likly don’t know the sheer scale of dinosaurs like triceratops or Stegosaurus! I’ve seen a Triceratops skull up-close, and I must tell you it was much bigger tahn I thought it would be! Triceratops was about 30 ft. long, with a neck frill span of about 6 ft. and horns that could reach over 3 ft. long! It was much bigger than your car, to give you some scale! And Stegosaurus is quite a sight even as a fossil! With a length of 21-30 ft. and a height of about 14 ft., this massive dinosaur had a very tiny brain. It’s brain is said to be the smallest brain proportional to body size of any dinosaur (any brain size currently known, that is)! Isn’t that fascinating? I’ve seen them up-close, too, and I can tell you that they have a very small head for such a large animal!

Then there’s hadrosaurs, which are amazing on their own! Look up Parasaurolophus, Lambeosaurus or Iguanodon and you’ll see what I mean! There’s so many more, like Corythosaurus, Oranosaurus, Tenontosaurus, etc.! They were herd animals, staying in large groups and nesting together. There’s even evidence, like in the case of Maiasaura, that they took care of and watched over their young! Most of them were pretty big, but an even more fascinating feature was their crests. These dinosaurs often had large crests on their heads, though their function is still debated. They could have been used to make unique calls or to amplify their calls, or they could have been used to identify each other! It really is interesting to think about it!

Then there’s the real oddballs, such as Psittacosaurus, Saltosaurus, any of the Ankylosaurs, and even dinosaurs like Dilophosaurus (two-crested lizard), Monolophosaurus (one-crested lizard), Spinosaurus, and the Pterosaurs! Ankylosaurs (like Ankylosaurus or Euoplocephalus) were large, heavily-armored reptiles, with Ankylosaurus even having armored eyelids! Their backs were covered in bone plating, and they were often covered in spikes or nodules. Several also had a club of solid bone on the end of their tails! The muscle power, combined with the club, could cause some serious damage! Only the most ferocious or desperate of dinosaurs would dare to try and take on these living tanks! The only way to have an advantage would be to hit it from beneath or to flip it over, which wouldn’t have been easy. Spinosaurus was quite an odd creature. With its odd proportions and dense bones, it was likely quadrupedal to help balance it’s weight. It had large, heavy, hooked claws on its arms and a long skull filled with cone-shaped teeth, perfect for catching slippery fish, but not so good for tearing flesh. They were very top-heavy, and likely walked on their knuckles like an anteater so they didn’t dull down their claws. Then there was the sail. It’s still unknown what exactly this sail was for. It would have made it a bit more difficult to move around, but it may have been used to regulate body temperature or to serve as a display! There’s also a possibility that it had webbed feet! While it may look very weird to us, Spinosaurus was perfectly adapted to life by the water! Dense bones helped keep it submerged, likely with only it’s nose and eyes above the water (like a crocodile), while it’s teeth and claws helped it hunt fish and other water-dwelling creatures! Basically, all of that weirdness had a very unique and cool purpose! Spinosaurus looked very different from the Spinosaurus in Jurassic Park 3, but it’s still just as cool! Then there’s the Pterosaurs. Some as small as bats or small birds, and the largest being about the same size as a small plane! They fill a specific role it the prehistoric world, later filled by birds! Pterodactyl was not a dinosaur, but Pterodactylus was! The largest of these creatures, standing taller than a giraffe and with a wingspan of about 50 ft, was Quetzalcoatlus. It’s thought they were likely scavengers, like vultures, but may have occasionally caught their own food. Some Pterosaurs would travel long distances often to reach their nesting grounds, while others did not. Like bats, Pterosaur’s wings were made up of a skin membrane stretched between the body and the elongated finger making up the outer edge of the wing. They were light-weight animals, and everything about them was evolved to make them perfect and graceful fliers, though this likely made them very awkward when on the ground.

Then there’s also the prehistoric marine reptiles! Mosasurus, Tylosaurus, Plesiosaurs, Pliosaurs, Ichthyosaurs, and many more! Ichthyosaurs were basically like the dolphins of the prehistoric oceans! They had almost fish-shaped bodies and long, usually toothed beaks. I’d definitely recomend looking up a picture of these guys! They breathed air like all reptiles and did not have gills. All prehistoric marine reptiles breathed air, similar to today’s sea turtles or sea snakes. Mosasaurus was a large predatory marine reptile, with lots of teeth and a long, slender body with a powerful paddle-like tail and four flippers instead of legs and feet. Tylosaurs are similar (I think... if I remember correctly...), though if I remember correctly, not all of them had long tails, and some had large powerful flippers instead of a long tail. Plesiosaurs had a very long neck, a small head with interlocking teeth (essentially creating a fish cage), and a large, slender body with a very short tail an four large, powerful flippers. Some of these animals preyed upon other marine reptiles and larger marine creatures, while others only ate fish and other small marine creatures. They’re all so unique and look nothing like anything we have today! And there’s so many more that I haven’t even talked about that I would seriously encourage checking out!

I’ve loved dinosaurs for as long as I can remember. I even still have my first dinosaur book! It’s a neat picture book full of pictures of dinosaur sculptures and dinosaur names! I have a sauropod plushie that I’ve had forever! He’s a little beat up and has a few places where he’s been sewn back up, but I still have him! And I have a model Kronosaurus that I can show you if you’d like! I love dinosaurs so damn much, and I really want to know more about them! I want to know what colors they were and what their skin feels like! I want to see one someday, but until then, fossils are just as good! I FUCKING LOVE DINOSAURS AND THEY’RE SO COOL AND I WANT TO PET ONE SO BAD!

Anyway, that’s my long, rambling post about dinosaurs! I’m glad I got that out! Hope I didn’t confuse you or bore you. I just really love dinosaurs and get super excited and disorganized when I talk about them! I love them so much and they’re really amazing once you start learning about them!

[bogleech]

TOP TEN SUPERPREDATORS I WISH EXISTED THAT COULD EAT HAPLESS EXPLORERS:

1: a leech at least eight feet in length, which would be more than enough to exsanguinate someone completely. Of course there are also leeches that swallow prey whole, so that’s also acceptable. I want it to be like this one because the stripes are pretty and it has functioning eyespots at EACH END of its body! If that detail became common knowledge just think of the cool cartoon interpretations and merchandising! Like the mythical amphisbaena but real!

2. a highly aggressive freshwater dumbo octopus the size of a hippo. Most octopods have a venomous bite so lets really amp that up here, one nip of its beak and your ass is paralyzed as hell while it drags you under the mud, still looking hilarious and adorable. As a nice bonus though I would also give these dimorphism similar to argonauts and blanket octopuses: very very tiny males. Then you could still keep some as pets. They’d also still have the venom though so nobody would give them to kids to die in fishbowls. Pets for expert weirdos only.

3. Bigger ants. Enough little ants can take down relatively massive prey as it is. Ants less than a tenth of an inch can overpower the largest tarantulas. There are insects even larger than that relative to a human already, so physics are no excuse. I think it’d only really take like 12 or 13 ants to bring down a hapless explorer if they were the size of giant weta or something, especially if they could also sting.

4. Bobbit worm but it’s the size of an anaconda. Put these in reefs and I bet fewer people would mess with rare corals or poison them with all their sunblock.

5. Mastodonsaurus alive again. Same danger as an alligator but this is an amphibian! It’s an important difference. You think people would colloquially refer to them like they’re a different kind of crocodilian? Like maybe bayou people would call these something charming like crocotoads or frogodiles, or maybe just “mud gators” for their sliminess.

6. Quetzalcoatlus alive again and its stomach is bigger. I’ve heard its stomach was surprisingly small, small enough that it might not have eaten a human if they ever could have crossed paths. I disagree with that evolutionary decision. Instead of going extinct, they should have evolved bigger stomachs in anticipation of the arrival of hominids. They really dropped the ball on this. Do you think we’d even have these in zoos, like, at all visible to the public? If pterosaurs were anything like modern birds I don’t think you could ever train them to stop seeing people as potential food.

7. Carnotaurus alive again. It is the best of the known carnosaurs. I know Spinosaurus has a lot of advocates but it’s thought to have only eaten fish. I think carnotaurus would eat a guy. I bet it would flap its little hands when it’s excited in any way, including when eating guys.

8. A much much bigger goosefish. This is a big, round, flat anglerfish up to six feet long (!!!) that you can encounter even in relatively shallow water sometimes. Nobody talks about how cool it is that such a big anglerfish lives outside of the abyss. I bet they would talk about it more if it were three times larger, which would probably be large enough to suck you up and kill you. They’re so not picky, there’s a claim that they’ve been seen approaching the surface and swallowing seabirds.

9. A big alligator-size mudskipper. Now maybe it couldn’t work the same at such a scale, I’ll admit, they’d have to do a lot more evolving to be maneuverable on land if they weighed several hundred pounds, but maybe they could slither around in just very shallow muddy water or maybe they could evolve more like ambush predators. I guess dying by giant sedentary mudskipper wouldn’t functionally differ a whole lot from the big goosefish but it would look much funnier.

10. Caecilian the size of titanoboa. Look at this gorgeous thing. That is an AMPHIBIAN. An amphibian with no limbs whatsoever. I’d settle for any giant killer caecilian, but I’d especially hope that a giant killer caecilian would do a thing at least one species does, which is have eyeballs that can partially pop out of its head:

sorry for hijacking this post so much but ty for reading this far

pet peeve: people seeing prehistoric animals (especially carnivores, because "predators scary"- even if they wouldn't realistically prey on humans) and saying shit like "glad that's extinct lol!" whatever man speak for yourself. i think you're a coward who is devoid of curiosity, let alone appreciation, for the world around you and you probably make hating some species of insect or another a personality trait. this is uncharacteristically mean and im sorry but i really dont think seeing somethings existence, especially that of another living thing, only on how it could potentially threaten you is any way to live

[i-draws-dinosaurs]

Weird Triassic Reptile in Graphite no. 4: Arizonasaurus

Arizonasaurus was a strange member of the pseudosuchia, a group of ancient reptiles (not dinosaurs) that include modern crocodiles. In the Mesozoic era, pseudosuchians were much more diverse and varied than today, with species that lived and walked on land, species that were completely aquatic, tiny herbivores, and apex predators. 

Arizonasaurus falls into that last group, basically a giant, land-dwelling crocodile. What makes Arizonasaurus even weirder compared to the other members of this group is the large sail that grew out of its back. It is likely that the sail was mainly used for display, and could have been covered in striking patterns. 

I’ve drawn this particular individual stretching out his legs and yawning after waking up, because pulling undignified poses in the morning seems to be a universal constant among animals, even giant terrifying land-crocs.

Spinosaurus has been called a crocodile mimic many, many times, but little did it know it had been beaten to the sail-backed crocodile look by about 150 million years, and by actual crocodiles no less. Good job guys. Edaphosaurids still did it first.

[image credit: Dmitry Bogdanov]

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (10)

Chapter 10: Bokrug vs. A-Bomb vs. Watt! Ultimate Deathmatch!!!

Despite having only golf clubs, A-Bomb was fearless. A reckless sort of fearlessness that leads one to charge a 25 pound, machine gun toting mass of unadulterated avian fury.

A fearlessness that would only make sense if your opponent was playing right into your hands.

“Bokrug! Look out!”

By the time the last word left my mouth, it was too late. A-Bomb teed off on Bokrug’s jaw, sending the gander flying. The machine gun clattered to the ground, where it shattered into a thousand pieces. All that was left was for A-Bomb to start teeing off on Bokrug’s downed carcass, which he gleefully did. Repeatedly. And it looked very painful, so painful it scared me out of mini golf for life. Even so much as touching a club gives me memories of the poor goose’s gasps of pain.

“Please, my child.” He begged “You may have fallen far, but the kind, innocent boy I once knew is still in there. I can feel it!”

“Really? Because my internet history says otherwise!”

If Bokrug wasn’t getting hit before, now he’d been reduced to the world’s downiest piñata. And yours truly could only watch helplessly as his physical form looked like it was gonna explode into a million bloody pieces any second, too glued to my seat (literally) to do anything. Or was I? Because A-Bomb had only glued the bottom of my seat. If I could only wriggle out of my pants…

           Gotta give credit to Bokrug: he held out much longer than I thought he would. But even dinosaurs fall with enough beating, and before long A-Bomb was standing triumphantly over his kill like some African big game hunter. Right as I was able to slip out of my pants. Though when you consider I was wearing my pachyrhinosaurus underwear, the exact same smelly pair I’d been wearing since I’d left camp, this may have made my problem much, much worse.

           A-Bomb laughed loud and deep at the sight, his face turning a deep red. This must have gone on for several minutes, him constantly on the verge of chortling his lungs out, myself too strawberry red to move. Then, once he’d spit out enough chuckles to speak again:

“A-are you kidding me?!“He pointed at me like some schoolyard bully. “Of all the dinosaurs you get monogramed on your underwear, you chose the NERD one?!”

I breathed deep. “Pachyrhinosauus is an amazing and criminally underrated member of the ceratopsian clade! In addition, it is woefully underrepresented in museu-”

A-Bomb thought that was a regular knee slapper.

“Kid, everyone knows the only reason they throw Pachyrhinosaurus in museums is so they can reach their diversity quotas! Yy-you are such a pathetic NERD!” Another fit of laughter later, he added “I-I can’t kill you like this!”

He snapped his fingers, summoning a legion of brown bagger clones armed with those dumb laser scanners to circle us.

“How about this? For making me laugh, I’ll let you escape! Heck, I’ll throw in a 30 second head start, free of charge!”

The Brown Baggers joined their master’s jeering, lest they be sent to the unemployment line (AKA Pete’s Slaughterhouse). Speaking of the Master, he pulled a bottle of Crystal Springs Water from his khakis and began chugging like he’d hadn’t drunk in a week, the power coursing through his veins.

           I should have run, run like the pathetic wimp I was. But I didn’t. Because at the end of the day, you can steal sacred water from roleplaying geese. You can threaten to turn me into a corporate slave. You can bludgeon a close friend of mine within an inch of his life with and force me to watch. Heck, you can even force me to watch Carney the dinosaur sixty hours straight if you wanna! But nobody, and I mean NOBODY, makes fun of my pachyrhinosaurus underpants and lives to see the next sunrise!

           Instead, I dashed for my pants, thirty seconds ticking away fast. Ten seconds in, I was pulling the packet of grow dinosaurs from my pocket. Another ten I got the stupid wrapping off.

Nine…

I remembered what Bokrug had said about the water, how it was enchanted and whatnot.

Eight…

Problem was, I had no idea where the real water was. The only one I knew was the real deal was being held by A-Bomb, and I sure wasn’t getting there.

Seven…

Unless… I looked at the sad water fountain, spurting alone between two shelves. Maybe the water of the sacred spring wasn’t in a bottle at all.

Six…

I concentrated. No going back now. No regrets…

Five…

A red pill rocketed through the air, a glorious, million dollar shot. A million glowing red darts marked themselves on me.

Four…

Three seconds. Four tense, terrible seconds of that pill riding the wind, right to the rim of the water fountain, teetering on the edge until, at last, the Luck of the Tostigs pulled through, and that baby went right down the drain.  

Three, two…

Something pushed out from inside the water fountain, something BIG!

One…

Shrapnel exploded from where the water fountain had once been as a giant sponge triceratops burst out, alien style. The beast charged, plowing down brown baggers like they were blades of grass. As for A-Bomb, he didn’t even get a chance to set a stupid expression on his face before he was reduced to a red stain on the tile floor. And from where that water fountain once stood, the sacred spring gushed forth, coating the rest of the little sponge grow capsules, turning them to life-size dinosaurs. Not missing a beat, I hopped on the triceratops, and gave it a little bit of Tostig family advice:

“CHAAAARRRRGGGGGGEEEEEE!”

And boy howdy, did we! With a bellow that shook the foundations of the Wegmart, the triceratops launched fifty employees so high they left little brown bagger shaped holes in the ceiling! Heck, if I hadn’t used my toe claws to lodge myself in its’ skin, I might have been tossed into the next state!. Meanwhile, where the water of the Sacred Sprinng showered on Bokrug, he changed, wings becoming massive muscular arms, a wide sail growing on his back, his face becoming long and crocodilian, feathers became scales. A form I would recognize anywhere: Spinosaurus Aegyptus.

The brown baggers scattered. One dinosaur they could handle, but thirteen? Not a chance! Together, we watched the remaining five or so survivors flee into the stock room as we posed epically on a thousand foot mountain made of their corpses. Any that weren’t fast enough were picked up in Bokrug’s massive jaws and flipped up into the air, only to be swallowed whole like gingerbread pancakes! Our remaining troops, few as there were, flocked to join us.

We’d won.

The words felt weird on my lips, my brain still trying to grasp what just happened.

We’d won.

Yet I couldn’t deny it: somehow, we’d kicked out the most powerful company in Pennsylvania.

“WE’VE WON!”

Bokrug bellowed majestically into the air, his voice ancient and primeval The rest of the birds, dinosaurs, shopping carts, and whoever else was in our slapdash army joined in:

“WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!”

And they carried me out of the store on their wings like I was some kind of rock star.

                                                             .   .   .

           That night, we partied. And by partied I mean set out the spoils of our war (snack chips and pretzels, mostly) while everyone stood awkwardly around the punch bowl, not knowing what to say (for guys who wore party hats all the time, LARP geese sure don’t know how to hold a conversation). Bokrug especially seemed interested in going to the little dino’s room and staying there a really long time. As for me, I stared into one of the barbeque fires we’d set around the place for lighting, plotting my next move. Hilda and whatever we’d put in Ms. Hoebag’s body were running the camp like a Siberian Gulag; in the middle of it all was my ticket back to reality, and by extension, my Gameboy Advance.

And, y’know, Mom was probably worried sick about me.

After half an hour of brisk walking, I found the bathroom door. I knocked twice.

“Bokrug, you in there?”

“My apologies,” bellowed the dinosaur, “but it seems as a final act of resistance, the minions of darkness burned all the toilet paper, so that we may never properly use their waste depository facilities.”

Sighing, I shoved some party napkins under the door.

“These do not seem to be the papers I seek. Are you certain these will work?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

One flush later, Bokrug barreled out, knocking the door off its’ hinges.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I replied, heading in myself.

Bokrug cocked his head to the side, the way birds do when they’re curious.

“And why would you leave paradise? With the waters of the Sacred Springs in our grasp, we shall soon surpass even the empire of Tako Shak in power!”

I shook my head, strategically positioning Mr. Weenie over the dung pit, letting loose. Bullseye. “Bok, I want to stay, but my Mom and Gameboy are at home, and I’m sure as heck my dirty rotten little brother isn’t going to give them company.”

The dinosaur could only stare in awed amazement as I epically exited the loo, piece of toilet paper attached to my shoe. “Long story short, I’m going to summer camp. Wanna join me?”

The dinosaur shook his crocodilian head.  “While the idea of devouring communist elementary schoolers does pique my interest, my responsibilities are to my people. I cannot leave them leaderless at such an incredible time.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, feeling a little bit damped down. “There’ll be all the communist turds you can eat.”

“Watterson, you have helped me when I needed it most, but you have your family, and I must care for mine. Surely, you understand?”

And for the first time I thought about how I had left Hilda at summer camp. I wondered how she was holding on now that Shatner and I had left.  

But before I could head on my way, the old water lizard had one last surprise in store for me.  “However, there is one gift I can give you.”

Holding out a scaly hand, I saw the grow capsules I’d filched off Wegmart, now turned into tiny sponge dinosaurs that galloped across he palm.

“My apologies, they shrunk in the sun.”

You’d think I’d be upset, but I wasn’t worried. Not at all.

                                                            .   .   .

           And so we went on our quest: me and twelve grow-sponge saurian mercenaries from hell. We walked along a dirt road for about twelve hours before, as luck would have it, along trundled a Systo delivery truck, the same kind that delivered the crap food to camp. Hitchhiking wasn’t as hard as I thought (having dinosaur claws makes you surprisingly persuasive!), and soon me and the dinosaurs were crammed into a cardboard box in the semitrailer.

And so I sat in the dark, curled up inside a cardboard box meant for Styrofoam containers trying to formulate the master plan to get my body back. And by formulate a master plan I mean trying not to laugh at the Spongeboy jokes that would randomly pop into my head and focus, darn it!

Instead, I found myself drifting to sleep as the truck rolled across the winding backroads leading to fate, to destiny, to the thing that had started this all…

                                                  Summer Camp.

(Okay, so maybe I started it all by putting firecrackers in Dad’s cereal, but hey, I wasn’t the one who forced a young, innocent mind to watch Barney the ‘Dinosaur’. ‘Shudder’)

                                     Part IV: MegaMart of Darkness: End

(Author’s Note: To everyone who’s read this far: thank you for hanging with me all this time! It really does mean a lot to me! Anyways, as it stands, I’m not quite happy with the final arc, so I’ll be taking a month’s hiatus to maybe fine-tune it a little bit. Until then, thank you so much for staying with this story, and see you soon!)

[stunudo]

You Don’t Know Everything

A Criminal Minds Fan-fiction

Featuring: Kate Callahan and Family      Setting:  Season 15

Requested: Anonymous

Prompt: ❝ you may leave school, but school never leaves you. ❞

A/N: I really like writing in the future! Also this is all team fluff. I didn’t use the prompt as a quote, but as a theme. Hope you don’t mind! xoxo Stu

The hallways were empty as the senior class poured from their testing in the cafeteria. Graduation was days away, so the twelfth grade students were completing their finals as the lower grades continued on their normal schedules. The athletic brunette dodged around a few groups to catch up with the curvy African American girl arm and arm with the statuesque blonde boy.

“Markayla,” Meg purposely pulled her friend’s backpack, dragging her away from her longtime boyfriend, Mason.

“Meg!” Markayla squealed, shoving the other girl back. “How’d you do? I aced the essay, but completely blanked on the section about mapping the post-Soviet countries.“

“I did alright, anyways, I already have an A. If I got my name wrong; I wouldn’t fail.” Meg grinned, sidestepping as Mason fell back in line with her bestie.

“Do you have to work this weekend?” Markayla asked the tall boy.

“Nope, but I have early morning baseball practice.” Mason admitted.

“Gross!” Markayla complained. “I want some crew time! I feel like we never get together, just the five of us anymore.” Meg laughed, shaking her head at the pouting girl.

“I have to babysit tonight anyways,” Meg reminded her.

“Ugh, fine.” She grinned, proving her whining in jest. “Next weekend for sure then.”

“It’s a date.” Meg and Mason said in unison before the three of them broke into hysterics.

The bath water was sloshing at dangerous levels as Meg Callahan shampooed her little cousin’s hair. She made sure to not let any suds slip down his face, while expertly shaping his unruly hair into a row of spikes.

“I’m a Spinosaurus!” the boy roared, while appreciating his reflection in the reflective faucet.

“Alright, Mr. Spinosaurus, you have ten minutes to play and then I’ll be back.”

“Twenty minutes?” He asked with a pouty flutter of his eyelashes.

“Ten, don’t push your luck!”

“Bye, Meg. See you in twenty minutes!” His tiny voiced screeched. Meg refused to argue further and left the damp bathroom tile behind, heading to the living room and her waiting calculus notes.

Later that night as Meg was tucking in the suddenly tired preschooler, he asked an impressive question. “Why is graduation such a big deal?”

“Because it means I am done with normal school.” Meg tried to explain as she found the exact toys he needed to fall asleep each night.

“You still have school, but you have to move there?” He understood pretty well for a four year old.

“I am going to school in New York, but I won’t move there until August, bud.”

“I don’t want you to move, Meggy-Pie.” His voice was soft.

“I know, but just think, the new baby will be here before I leave. It’s going to be crowded!”

“Can you stay and the baby goes to college?” He suggested, his plush Chewbaca tight against his cheek.

“Nice try, but not this time.” Meg answered gently, tucking his drying curls behind his ear. She sat on his bed and watched him fall asleep, memorizing him in this moment as fleeting as any.

“GUYS!” Garcia chirped over JJ’s speakerphone. “You all need to get your booties in here, it’s starting!” Spencer and JJ shared a glance, leading the way to the tech office.

Over Lewis’, Alvez’ and Simmons’ faces a confused look passed, though they fell inline behind the senior agents of the BAU. On the numerous monitors above Garcia’s desk was a single live feed: a profile shot of a young woman in a navy blue graduation cap atop her brunette mop of shoulder-length hair.

“I can’t believe she is already graduating,” JJ gushed.

“I am surprised Chris is keeping it together long enough to hold the phone steady!” Garcia added, dotting her eyes with a tissue.

“Hey, look, there’s Markayla too!” Reid pointed to the softly permed head of Meg’s best friend one row back and two chairs over.

“Guys, I am glad you’re all excited, but who is she?” Lewis asked.

“Right?” Alvez and Simmons said in unison.

The screen shifted to a little boy with black curls hoping excitedly on a gymnasium bench beside his mother’s protruding lap. Garcia squealed and clapped. A deep voice said, “Alright Callahans, say hi to our viewing audience.” The beautiful woman and hyper child gave the obligatory greeting to the phone’s camera. A microphone crackled, signalling the start of the ceremony.

“That’s Kate?” Alvez asked in a low voice, leaning towards his husband’s ear.

“Yeah, the little guy was the reason she left the bureau. That’s Kit he’ll be five three months before Michael.” Spencer explained.

“He’s gorgeous!” Garcia cooed. “Oh! Do you think Rossi knows it’s today? Should I call him?” Just as she spun for consensus a heart from Uncle Dave’s profile floated on the screen. JJ grinned, spinning Garcia back towards the monitors.

JJ leaned back, speaking to Lewis and Simmons, “Just before Kate left, we rescued Meg and her best friend, Markayla, from an online ring operation for murdering sadists.”

“Yikes,” Simmons responded, “Can’t really blame her for stepping away. Family is too important.”

“The unsubs were actually targeting Kate, so she had more reason to leave than most.” Reid added.

“How awful,” Lewis mused as the pep band ended the school song. The routine faculty speakers and valedictorian address followed. The whole process was pleasantly succinct. Once the students began lining up, the camera moved. Chris was searching for a better angle for his niece’s diploma acceptance. The awkward zoom found the stage and refocused on the podium and the waiting principal. The A’s were a small group, just a single row of seats at the front of the basketball court. They barrelled through the B’s, soon it was Meg’s turn, the BAU teammates lunged forward in anticipation.

“Margaret Callahan,” the announcer read loudly. The agents clapped and hooted in celebration.

“Hey, Spence?” Alvez whispered to his lanky husband. “I think it’s time, we really should meet with the social worker again.” Spencer grinned, nodding in enthusiastic agreement. They firmly held hands, always careful to keep their office affection professionally modest.

“I think that calls for more celebration!” Emily burst into the cramped office with Dixie cups of sparkling cider on a ramshackle tray from the break room.

“To all the BAU babies, be they grown or still unknown!” Garcia toasted to a cacophony of cheers.

It was two weeks later that Kate and Chris had been able to rent a hall for Meg’s graduation party. Coordinating party schedules with the parents and grandparents of Meg’s four closest friends (Markayla, Mason, Jian and Grant) had been a feat, but as any challenge Kate faced it head on. The guests were due any minute as the teenagers quickly put out the remaining chairs. Little Kit was half dancing/ half chasing balloons across the stage as the sound system was set up.

Meg and Markayla were hovering between the front doors and the gift table, fixing and reshuffling the decorative confetti around the gift bags. Markayla’s mom helped Chris bring out the food for the buffet, while Kate chatted casually with Mason’s grandparents, rubbing her swollen belly. The kids had maintained  such a strong bond because their parents or guardians all trusted and communicated too. The Davis and Callahan families knew all too well the dangers with not knowing your kids’ friends.

Mason’s freshman sister played with Kit, hoping to show Kate she was ready to be their new babysitter when Meg went away to school. By ones or pairs, more classmates and teachers swung by the party, all still giddy with the freedom of summer. It was about an hour after the party started when a dark haired man and his moping teenager walked in, looking for Kate. His lined face broke into an unusual smile when he saw her shuffling her swollen ankles towards them.

“Hotch! I can’t believe you actually made it!” She beamed, taking him in a deep hug. Kate then turned to the shy gawky boy, almost as tall as his father now. “Now this handsome young man isn’t little Jack!”

“Hi, Kate,” a deep voice answered back. Tears stung her eyes as she took the boy in an awkward hug.

“I am so glad you could make it!” Kate exclaimed, scanning the crowd for the woman of the hour. “Meg! Come say hi to the Hotchners.”

Meg, Markayla and Grant all moved as a unit to the small circle of mostly former FBI agents. They made their introductions and caught up. Kate sharing Meg’s plans for the fall with pride, asking what life after the Bureau entailed for them. Life was good, not perfect, not easy, but definitely worth it for these two small families that had lost so much so young.

Soon Chris brought out the projector screen and blasted Meg’s baby pictures for the entertainment of her guests. The years unraveled and they began to see the woman she was on her way to be. If one looked closely, you may have glanced a picture or two with her black hair, taken before her and Markayla shaved their heads for a fundraiser freshman year.

After the cake was eaten and the karaoke was sung, the Callahans sat in the abandoned banquet hall in a contented quiet. Little bits of streamers and confetti littered the floor and their hair, thanks to the now sleeping boy drooling on his dad’s shoulder.

“How did it go so fast?” Kate remarked in awe.

“I would say that it took forever, but you know, perspective.” Meg teased.

“I just can’t believe we won’t get another party like this until the little guy graduates, class of ‘33, represent.” Chris stage whispered. Meg and Kate shared an eye roll before laughing lovingly at the cheesy man.

“You never know, maybe I’ll get married before Kit graduates.” Meg challenged, leaving masks of shock on her aunt and uncle’s faces. Quickly she chimed in alongside them, “Nah!”

The night ended with a comedic clean up for the day to remember.

[kihaku-gato]

Scenes that I better illustrate fucking good when the day comes or else (in world chronological order)-

the first “Zombie/Undead” dragon vs alive dragon (type still pending; fire or wind dragon is top choice). Fight plays almost like a magic-draconic version of Spinosaurus vs Tyrannosaurus from JP3, but in a large building.

Saka vs her old mentor (and the mentor’s tiny dragon). Battle plays out in the Dream Realm which Saka’s mentor dragged them into. Shit gets absurd cause its in the fucking Dream Realm ffs.

The last surviving Wind Dragon and the last surviving dragonrider (who’s respective partners are dead) team up and have the final most gigantic powerful dragon/dragonrider hurrah; stalling the Fallenbeasts from reaching beyond the sea so that the evacuating humans/dragons can escape far to sea on their ships. The dragon/dragonrider command the wind to cyclonic levels. Knowing that their lives are nearing their end they both work together to do a final SUPER POWERFUL tornado/cyclone, so strong that the dragon’s wings rip apart from the windspeed as the dragon and dragonrider get ripped apart with the wind.

Thoria experiencing/witnessing Saka crush/kill (crush not literally?) thousands of dragons in the matter of minutes; flying dragons fall from the sky around Saka while land dragons also keel over, no blood but their eyes are rolled back in their heads. Basically the show of power is equivalent to Kenpachi from Bleach or Zebra from Toriko- except rather than a thrill of the fight Saka instead has a very cold uncaring if not apathetic expression. Probably one of the most chilling scenes if not a scene with the most “on screen” Good Guy mass deaths that will ever be seen in the entire story/history.

aaaand there were others but my brain is now being a troll and locking my memory of the others- BUT THESE OFTEN COME UP IN MAH HEAD OK