#guys im afraid its so over for me
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taeiris · 10 months ago
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true love is forever
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he’s the love of my life.
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persy-r-bozo · 7 months ago
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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donaviolet · 7 months ago
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Friendship is the most special thing in the world because no award could be give me bigger happiness than jumping around in my room and smiling because my pookie asked me if I wanted to match pfps
#SHES AMAZING I LOVE HER AHHHHH#I hope we manage to find a cute bsd pfp it would be literally my dream#little vent tw!!#it's been so long since I matched pfps last time was with my ex who started being wayyyyy too weird..#and the other time was with a friend who started ghosting me some months later just because I didnt give her enough adopt me pets or smth 💔#and like. her stopping talking to be literally broke me as a person. it was devastanting for like 13yo me#woahhh thank you k. now I have social anxiety and keep dobting whether people really want me there or not#I still have a sort of love hate relationship w her but like its been over 2 years maybe 3 why do I still care abt it sm :<#especially since our other bestie is wayy more affectionate w k than w me it just makes me feel so weird like im sort of a 3rd wheel#but at least the friend im gonna match with is the sweetest person ever and we can be silly together :333#unfortunately we only know eachother from a course so we always have to wait 2 weeks to see eachother#and even tho i still see k almost every day shes pretty different now#but ive been feeling so so happy the last few days since school started and im afraid I might go back to being how I was when she returns#because. I bet my two friends will keep being silly together and ill have to sit w my ex again cuz hes still part of our friend group#I mean hes a nice and funny guy but I figured that a relationship wont work with us. I tried it and I just wanna be friends#I have a lot of fun w him but like in a platonic way#and im afraid he still thinks we should be together#meanwhile my besties keep flirting w eachother like??#I mean its pretty funny as a joke but I cant help but feeling kinda jealous especially because I used to have a huge crush in one of them#talked a bit too much ooopssss#Im just trying to move on but I hope k coming back doesnt start everything over again#anyways!! I love my bestie from the course smmmmmm Im still so so happy :D wish we could see eachother more#random stuff#chaos#friendship#violet rambles
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mosstrades · 1 month ago
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im someone who stuggles not to let his curiosity and drive sometimes (often) cross over into an overwhelming and maladaptive need for answers, for explanation, for certainty. someone who, historically, sees making art as a primarily intellectual exercise. this is not inherently a bad thing, we all have our temperaments and this kind of attention can be a strength. but, you know that artist who makes a painting, and then only wants to show it while explaining it to you? thats me, sometimes, more often than i like. every story i used to write had another hundred page document behind it, explicating every single choice -- often i would simply read that, instead of ever actually write the story itself. the explanation precedes everything. the answers alone are the experience.
david lynch's work and philosphy has been and is a vital foothold in my efforts to learn to love the questions as our breath. learn to appreciate intuition and dreams, trust them instead of fear them. learn to see that the world has so much confusing, uncertain, strange beauty, that can be terrifying but turns sublime when you cease rejecting it from fear. when you embrace the unknown and dont try to immediately & anxiously explicate it all away, a whole new world opens up to you. that you need the darkness in order to dream, and you need dreams in order to live fully immersed in what the world has to offer. a foothold in learning to be okay with abstraction, with imperfect subjectivity, with uncertainty. to know it is not anthitetical to truth and meaning. know that to skillfully make ideas come alive into a work *is* to rationally pin them down, but that you cannot lose sight of the intuition they were born as.
his artistic intuition reminds me of what i need to have -- the trust and humility for experiencing the inexplicable and understanding that to be enough. a devotion to ideas and their realisation. a balancing force, for my endless inquiry -- to not forget to live the question in my the search for an answer. to allow some thing to go without clear or universal explanation, allow for some things to remain unresolved, allow for others to have that be their resolution. it's why his work equal parts captivates me and disturbs me -- i am very bad at this. but feel in my heart a need to get better at it. to be a better artist, a better thinker, a better searcher, a better person. you need to feel it, intuitively, quiet your endless noisy need for an answer and simply let it fill you up, let it resonate intuitively, and find in that how life makes sense to you and you alone. mediation, mindfulness, humility to sit with abstraction without trying to pin it down. more and more i try to understand this. some things don't need to make perfect sense. some things dont need answers, or their answers are not the point. some things dont need anything but to be experienced as they enter you -- like dreams do. that can lead you to the answer, and that can also be enough in itself. that can be just an intrinsic value in being alive to experience it. and so often, it is all in conversation with the search for joy. it's why he feels so captivating, so unique, so tremendously alive. why people use the word "visionary" when talking about him. because he knew how to use his medium in all the potential he could see, so that it let you live in the strangeness and questions. he understood them as sublime, he understood them as enough, he understood them as a joy. he understood them as beautiful. and his memory will remind me to do the same; always to seek the space to dream.
#(in dreams / oh in dreams / the snake will find its tail)#i am! a guy! who likes! answers!!#someone who resolves his fear of monsters in the closet by picking up a flashlight and brazenly throwing open the door!!#but at my worst i am also extremely anxious and thus avoidant!!#so i will resolve my fear of monsters in the closet by opening the doors wide and then simply pretending to see whats inside#searching for answers without the bravery to sit with questions#this makes me worse!! it makes me worse!!!!#thank you david lynch for reminding me over and over again that the way to stop being afraid of the dark#is to not stop at all#but instead embrace that disquiet. open the closet door wide as it will get. turn off the flashlight#and simply sit in front of it#observing -- simply observing -- whatever shapes emerge#letting them fill you up#and then doing something with them#also... man#lynch is one of the few things my mom and i almost completely agree on and could connect through#despite everything i feel like she gets this necessity for humility and curiosity and quieting down your need for answers#and not to get overshary on the tumblrs but it is a source of friction at times#because of my me and like. the abuse. i dont want someone whose failure of self knowledge gave me cptsd to tell me i should *think less*#but idk it's precious that through lynch we find a common ground in which to agree about it#i think i get what she was trying to tell me a little better now. or maybe what she would've liked to be trying to tell me#idk tldr i had a violent childhood where nothing made sense and everything was scary so now i struggle not to be desperate for#certainty and knowledge as protection. and the way i always found that was through art and philosophy so. yeah.#lynchs work helps me like... calm down a bit about that and do it better#to learn to love the strange and the confusing and the disquieting not see it always as a threat#to sit in the dark and see it for what it is. painful and beautiful. tender and hard. its deeply relieving. its good#hole in the world dude im gonna miss him really bad all i can feel rn is sadness gratitude and joy#forever in dreams#david lynch#mine
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calbeloved · 4 months ago
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im a liar that can't hold myself back at all. have this dangal thing i wrote entirely in bed still half asleep (inspired and based on beyond: two souls but if you know the premise there shouldnt be any further spoilers) 👍👍👍
a bit of a TW, dante thinks about germs and bacteria and dying (from that & the cold) a couple of times in what is probably a weird way so keep that one in mind if you're also worried about that kind of stuff!!
Dante doesn't like the bedrooms. Or the “living room”, or the kitchen, or the outside. Or maybe he just doesn't like anything at all about the orphanage- that'd make more sense to say, wouldn't it?
Gal doesn't seem to share the same sentiment. He likes to explore and wander around– when Dante is stuck in his room or too afraid to come out, there's always a migraine soon to follow; Gal doesn't like being limited, yet they're stuck together anyway. He gets angry sometimes. A lot of those times, it just makes Dante stay in his room longer; the doctors are concerned about the random bloody noses.
Today, though, Gal wants to go outside.
It's cold and windy and there's even snow and Dante really doesn't want to go out, but he's sick of headaches and feeling dizzy, so he follows the nuges anyway.
Cold means getting sick, and getting sick means dying, so Dante makes sure to cover himself up as best as he can to keep his body the most warm it can be. A hat, two pairs of socks, two too-small pants under a jumpsuit and a big, warm hoodie on top of his shirts. He ties a scarf on top of his neck warmer and puts on the gloves Beatrice lent to him.
A demanding pull is accompanying him the entire time as he dresses; Dante doesn't blame it. Gal can't feel cold or get sick, after all; he doesn't understand why Dante has to do this instead of just walking out as he is.
But that's fine. All he whispers is a; “Sorry, just a little longer– have some patience” into the air and tries to tie his shoes faster.
Sneaking through the orphanage is easy. It's not as much as sneaking, even, just simple walking and paying some extra attention into not slamming the doors. The Nuns are still busy after the last time Gal was playing with the lights; the generator was… something happened to it. It didn't blow up, he doesn't think, but anything can happen, so he wouldn't be surprised even if that were true.
The doors are locked sharp at 6 PM, but there's no reason to worry about that. They shouldn't be out that long– even if they were, Gal can easily open either the doors or the window of his room.
“We can't go too far, Gal,” he murmurs quietly as he closes the main door behind him. The wind picks up at his words; Dante scowls. “We can't. Someone will notice if we're not back when it gets dark, and that's what's going to happen if we get lost in the woods again.”
He pauses for a moment and Gal presses against it in displeasure; a pressure in his head and a sensation on his skin that he's already too used to to call it uncomfortable.
“‘m going.”
And he does.
Strangely, Gal pushes him in the direction of the playground. Usually, he wants to go into the forest to look at all the animals and insects and wander around the trees, but it seems… not today. Dante has no objections about that (he hates the bugs; especially more when Gal tries to throw them into his face, and he's steadily getting better with his aim) so he follows without a word, shoes crushing the snow beneath his feet with a satisfying noise.
There, in the middle of the playground, is a swing. Dante stops and stares. There's nobody on it.
(He loves that swing. It's the best thing in the whole orphanage– in the whole world. He can't play on it, like, ever cause when he's allowed outside someone will always already be on it, and they don't ever let him play. But he observes it from his window sometimes; the playground is visible from inside, and Bea likes to draw him swinging on it, so it's not… that big of a deal.)
Gal nudges him again. Go, go, what are you waiting for?
Dante… slowly walks closer. As he does, the swing starts swinging, but he knows it's not because of the wind.
“Oh.”
Pressure again– Gal twirls around him, excited at the realisation.
“You want to push me?” Slowly, despite the weather, despite knowing he's still probably going to get in trouble for sneaking out, despite everything, Dante smiles.
The swing seems to explode up; it almost touches the metal pipe that holds it up, and immediately goes down with a loud noise as the chains hit each other.
“Gal! Quiet!” And yet he cannot stop a giggle from escaping– Gal wanted to swing with him? And he's this excited about it?
He jogs the rest of the way and practically jumps onto the swing. Carefully wraps his gloved hands around the chains; he doesn't want to get bacteria on his hands. It'd take just one move for him to touch his face and then they'd get onto his whole body and then inside and he'd die.
Gal stays still as he prepares himself; he knows that this is important, at least. The moment Dante raises his head, though, the swing immediately starts rocking to the sides. Gentle and yet uncontrollable.
“Okay. But you have to be careful! I don't want to go that high. And don't make me fall either!”
Gal flickers like a fire about to be extinguished; probably offended at the thought.
Dante just smiles and hides his face in the scarf. “Okay, okay! Sorry. You can start now.”
Not unlike before, the swing moves suddenly, but it is slower and not as violent. Forwards and backwards, up and down and up, and Dante stays grinning, even despite his stomach dropping with each swing.
Again and again, even Gal seems to laugh.
Dante grins– maybe at the feeling of it, or maybe just at the swinging itself, and just makes a point not to look into the windows so he won't know which of the kids will ultimately snitch to the Nuns. What's a punishment when Gal will be there with him, anyway?
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theintelligentfool · 23 days ago
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im so sick of embarrassment and anxiety being kind of in control of ?my entire life? at this point
#when someone maturely points out a behavior of mine they are politely asking me to stop doing or is even just checking to make sure im ok#i burst into tears#and no one is more bothered about that than me IM SO SICK OF CRYING OVER NOTHING#IM SO SICK OF MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL#IM SO SICK OF BEING COMPLETELY UNABLE TO REGULATE MY FEELINGS#Is it repression when i try to cheer myself up or is it wallowing in self pity when i just let myself cry#is it proof of decent willpower and self motivation skills that i can and will make myself do something i Don't Fucking Want To Do#or am i just not taking care of myself#secret: its the second thing but the REAL problem is that i need to be okay with it#it needs to not be a problem#i love doing mock trial but all the stress around it makes me want to quit but we're so close to regionals and i cant do that to the team#and i hate that i want to quit and i hate that the reason im not quitting is because im afraid of being embarrassed by doing so#and i hate myself andmy feelings and my irresponsibility and im still just half-assing my assignments#and i have a lot of casual friends but i know for a fact im not anyones best friend im not anyones favorite friend and#i want people to ask me to hang out but im worried that if i dont then it looks like im not interested but im worried that#if i do it too much i look desperate and like im imposing myself and like im . well this phrasing is painful for other reasons but#im scared of acting like im closer friends with someone than they think we are#and i dont know where the line is and i dont know what to do or what to say all i know how to do is make small talk and#exaggerate my facial expressions and tell a stupid fucking joke every 3 seconds#i like my life but im so fucking sick of the fact that *im* the one living it#i dont even want to be someone else i just want to be a version of myself thats not a fucking loser#who can actually put effort into assignments without wanting to throw my laptop out the window#who can be normal about other people#who doesn't have the dumbest fucking anxiety disorder ever#who consistently memorizes the stuff i need to know and can improvise on the fly#who's not an embarrassment to my team and also That One Guy They Keep Letting Hang Out With Us For Some Reason to my friendgroups#who can answer questions in class without looking like a suckup and also does it the right amount to make an impression but not enough to b#embarrassing#who can FUCKING talk to someone instead of making a vent post on *tumblr dot com*#for fucks sake i even wish i didnt use tumblr so much. maybe if i could get into a different social media that's normal i wouldn't be so
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m00ngbin · 3 months ago
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Hi btw I've never been sicker
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enjoy-the-show · 5 months ago
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White rose, blood rose
-- Xcest • Double Life mechanics • 300 Words --
(!) Content Warning: Blood and vaguely described Death
The first thing he noticed was their eyes.
Well, how could you not?
Red, red like a rose blooming when it's spring, the prettiest flower he'd ever saw, they looked at him harshly, but that roughness only made their beauty stand out even more.
Next was their hair.
Wavy, almost white hair, only the faintest lilac could be seen.
Their short hair covered their pierced ears slightly (he could see their tips were pointy), strands of hair resting just above his eyebrows and forming a side fringe, and pretty, long eyelashes, all white and beautiful.
And at last, their lips, a vertical cut scarring pink flesh; slightly parting and distorted downwards- oh.
They were mad at him.
If they weren't so pretty, Xisuma would have realized this sooner and would have dodged the open handed slap in the face, but oh well.
***
Ex's eyes were shut and their body was limp against the snow covered land. Crimson liquid stained their clothes and the snow around them. Xisuma was slowly, painfully dragging his body closer to them, reaching out to touch their cold frostbitten skin.
His body felt the cold, felt the harm done by the players to Ex within his own body, he knew there wasn't much time left untill they run out of hearts, a tossup between blood loss, freezing, or another player finding them.
He moved back the hair covering Ex's face and caressed it. Their red eyes opened, and he feels like crying. Ex's hair had blood on it, their face and hands were soaked in it, their torn clothes damped as well.
"Don't die- I love you" he pleaded.
A white rose that drips blood, their petals wilting, their beauty fading, swallowed by all the red.
"Xisuma..."
[It was always going to end like this, love.]
×××
[Started: 25/05/24. Finished: 26/05/24]
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devotedlystrangewizard · 1 year ago
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totk really is one of those games that make me go "ok thanks for the characters, setting, and general plot, but ill take it from here <3" because the entire historical timeline had so much potential for interesting and nuanced story telling but they just went with the old zelda story formula and YES thats how theyve always done it but botw was such a reset in terms of gameplay that they couldve overhauled how they handle story in totk. but they didnt
#ramblings#all the races swearing fealty to rauru made me so uncomfortable#like yeahhh ganondorf evil or whatever but also. hey. why is the one leader fighting for the independence of his people. the evil villain#am i just not getting something here am i insane#my first thought when i heard about ganondorf returning was 'wow they could turn him into an actual character' AND THEN THEY DIDNT#its been half a year i feel like the honeymoon period is over. totk was kinda mid. im sorry#it was alright but it just. didnt grab me. at all#botw was interesting because it was new but totk made me yearn for the older zelda formula#though tbh. im always yearning for the older zelda formula. i grew up on oot & twilight princess#you hype up ganondorf so much you make him look like THAT (no im still not over this) and then you just. do what weve always done#this happened in twilight princess. it happened in oot. it happened in ww. hell if you count demise it happened in skyward sword#IT HAPPENE.D IN THE FUCKING HYRULD WARRIORS SPINOFF#'oooh noooo the great evil has returned' WEVE BEEN HERE EVERY TIME. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH POTENTIAL#heres the gerudo having a man born and making him king as is their custom but they spend years in fear that he will be monstrous#here they are after all these iterations of ganondorf afraid to even have kids out of fear that SOMEONE will bring the new great evil#heres a child recently given the throne despite being barely more than a baby always treated with fear by everyone around him#ARE YOU SEEING MY VISION????#the curse is right there. do something with it. oh my god#i KNOW zelda games are just simple heros journeys but pleaseeee i need food#you dont have to make ganondorf nice just. do something with him im so tired of the evil guy caricature#i like guys who are plain evil but i like them more when they have some fucked up motivation beyond taking over the world
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depresseddepot · 2 years ago
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trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once
#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate.#anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day#i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'')#and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on''#and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat#but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand#first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well.#secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex#thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds#i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at#so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well !#i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me#but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time#so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex?#is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance?#or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous#did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes#but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute#this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty''#which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!!#and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this#i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive#and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually#i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other#and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive#which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!!#how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much#but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me#i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me)#i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could
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catboyfurina · 6 months ago
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I think a really underrated trans headcanon is like. Really closeted. Not stealth. Really closeted and either doesn't know yet (egg) or does know but is afraid to transition for xyz reasons. Because 90% of all trans headcanons I seem to see are slapping some scars or a binder on a guy which is fine and good!!! Love scars in art think we should absolutely romanticize the marks left by becoming happier in your own skin right but also like. Idk some headcanons I'm like I don't think he's ready to reach for that happiness. I think he's scared of choosing things to improve his own life.
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itsalwaysdark · 7 months ago
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also im watching gravity falls yay
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1o1percentmilk · 1 year ago
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i love typing full essays and having them go straight into drafts
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hcluv · 2 years ago
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so it’s true huh
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pankomako · 2 years ago
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dude i swear if i actually make gang's bay a real show and i write a joke about being trans people are gonna be like "this is incredibly offensive to trans people" and im gonna have to come out and be like "yall im literally a trans person writing myself im just having a laugh why cant you too"
like seriously where's the line between a joke poking fun for laughs and a joke that's actually offensive? i feel like that's a little bit subjective dontcha think
#sorry i literally cant stop thinking about this#i think we need to learn how to laugh at our own imperfections and just our attributes in general#even when they're being joked about from an outside perspective#people laugh at italian stereotypes and little german boy and conservative cartoons actively trying to offend queer people#oh but when a guy known to make fun of autistics makes a video making fun of 20-years-old european music suddenly thats bad#i feel like this ties into the whole idea of critical thinking too. which people are actively getting worse at on all sides#people need to learn to lighten up. not everything needs to either be 'safe to enjoy' or 'actively avoid this bad thing because its bad'#i actively watch helluva boss despite all the controversy around it. i dont give a fuck it's a funny show about hell whatever#i've been trying to avoid saying it because i was afraid people would block me about it. personally i dont have an opinion on the drama#it's just. swagever dude! im so tired of controversy over media actually what the fuck ever i dont care#there's an episode of clone high where they have a REALLY stereotyped charicature of adhd. i watch it anyway bc it's silly#are people boycotting the new spiderverse over the alleged stress workers faced? doesnt fucking seem like it!#idk maybe im just stubborn. or people REALLY need to grow thicker skin and lighten up#there is almost ALWAYS gonna be problems with something you like. learn to not give a shit and have fun anyway
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lycanthian · 1 year ago
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#i am so in love its unreal. never have i ever before felt this wealth of human emotions so concentrated over the past month and a week#genuinely mind boggling how talking to logan more and more and then dating him has literally made me feel likr a new man.#not that im different or that i absolutely need him to function in my day to day life#but its the richness that being in love brought to my life that was unexpected#i had a thing with another online friend like 4 yrs ago and it never felt like much admittedly. i almost gave up dating when he broke it off#bc i thought there was something to online dating that wasnt cutting it and i didnt stand a chance at meeting someone irl#and that entire time i knew logan at least a little bit but we didnt really begin talking often until like#6 months ago maybe? and just the more we talked the more we clicked ajd i liked him so much but i was so afraid that it wouldnt be mutual#and i was so afraid that even if he is in what feels like a pretty open polycule hed never ask me out or anything#and then he did and my world felt like it exploded into a cacophony of colors and sounds and feelings and emotions#like something had been unlocked in me that hadnt been touched in years. my ability to love.#and with that came some of the most upsetting spiraling intense depressive states of my life. but it was okay. it still is okay.#its only been a bit over a month but it feels like so much more than that bc i feel like everything is so much more vivid now#i also think im beginning to take a very particular fondness to someone else in the cule but im so not stating who or expanding upon it#he also makes me really happy but i dont think im ready to take that step yet. even if it would be a dream come true.#i love what i have now and i dont want to complicate it yet.#a extremely loving and charming boyfriend and a couple of other close friends who happen to also be dating him is good. its awesome#i just. i dont know. i dont know how logan would feel abt it. i dont know abt how other guy would feel abt it.#sometimes im not even sure how i would feel abt it#aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh#i dont think he reads these rambles. sometimes i hope he does. sometimes i hope he doesnt. i love him so much#i dont want to worry him with my shit constantly but it would also be nice to worry him with it occasionally#logan if you see this i love you more than words could ever describe. im so happy that ur in my life and that you chose me to be in ur own#gamey rambles#💜
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