#guess which one I did after my job started 🙃

[airborneice]

it kinda looked like a drowzee at the time

idk how but at some point harvey liking pokemon stopped being a personal hc of mine and just assimilated into canon ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

bonus:

harvey definitely didn’t know any sign-language to begin with, so I imagine once he found out that arwen liked fossils their earliest conversations were like this

[nattikay]

fursuit making roller coaster so far:

Originally I was planning to follow Neffertity's tutorials for the digi feetpaws and feline tail; however, carving the foam for the tail turned out to be much more difficult than I was anticipating. I like the general shape I wound up with but I could not for the life of me get the foam as smooth as I wanted it; it's very rough and clunky and I was getting frustrated.

Never fear though, I decided on a new plan: instead of using the clunky carved foam as the actual core of the tail like I was planning, I'll just wrap it up in a bit of wadding or tape which should smooth out the shape a bit, use that to get a sewing pattern, and then just sew and stuff the tail normally. That means that buying the thick foam and all the time carving it won't be in vain, plus I think it'll make patterning easier anyways (I've struggled in the past with sewing Natti's tail, my current one isn't even one I made myself, I commissioned it from my friend Daisy (who did an amazing job!!) because the one I made was a twisted mess lol). So yay for that!

Even with a modified plan in place for the tail though, after the mess of trying to carve foam for that, I was starting to dread all the additional foam carving I'd have to do for the feetpaws; my confidence had taken a hit and I was not looking forward to the process nor optimistic about the results; was starting to get the slogging feeling of "good grief what did I get myself into wth this project". BUT THEN!! I found the SplitGrapeSode digi foot pattern, which had a similar look to the Neffertity one but required ZERO FOAM CARVING! Just sewing and stuffing! Which! Yeah I can do that!! and so THE HYPE RETURNED and I am feeling a lot more optimistic again lol

Unfortunately, I finally went up into the attic to take stock of how much faux fur I had leftover from previous iterations, and it turned out to be a lot less than I thought. A little over half a yard's worth of white (which, comparing to to the pattern I cut out yesterday, appears to be enough for about 3/4 of a footpaw), slightly less than that of tan and dark blue, and barely a few scraps of light blue. So I guess I have to order quite a bit more, and wait for it to come before I can do a whole lot else. I'll need at least one footpaw finished before I can really start the body (since I'll need it to line up the digitigrade padding shape properly), and I can't finish a footpaw until I have enough fur, and the next big part of the tail will be patterning and furring. so 😅 guess we gotta put things on hold for a short while. I suppose I have enough white left for bottoms of the footpaws, so maybe I'll start there in the meantime, or maybe see if it's enough for the handpaws. We'll see...

thank u to my mom and brother for agreeing to encase me in duct tape for the DTD though. the process was about as fun as I remember 🙃 well at least it's done lol

[army-of-bee-assassins]

fun facts about my new job: i used to work here before grad school, and the timekeeping system changed a little less than a year after i started. after that point, my paychecks were fucked up frequently. like, every other month. i would get overpaid, and they'd garnish my next paycheck. or i'd get underpaid, and nothing would happen until i pointed it out (🙃). i was working what was (at the time) a new type of position that was funded by two different budgets, and apparently this is what fucked up specifically my pay so much. it got to the point that they had to hold a whole meeting about it with payroll and hr and me and my boss. after that they fucked it up less. i should say, the actual job was fine! i liked working there (which is why i came back). but the paycheck shit was annoying and sometimes stressful. i know from talking to coworkers that they fuck up other people's paychecks sometimes too, so it wasn't fully unique to me (even though i think it did happen to me more than most).

well now i'm back in a new position, and guess what! they underpaid me on my very first paycheck lmao. i pointed it out to them, and the payroll guy (same guy as before btw) was of course very apologetic and got to fixing it. he processed things and emailed back last week like "the deposit should hit tomorrow afternoon :)" so i checked and uh. it seemed smaller than i thought it was supposed to be. so i did some math, and, lo and behold, they did in fact still manage to short me over $800. i emailed the payroll guy again and yet again he is very apologetic and issuing me another check. so they've managed to fuck up one paycheck multiple times. which is honestly kind of impressive at this point.

i almost feel bad writing this whole story about it because the payroll guy is SUPER nice about it each time. like this time in particular, he kept thanking me for being so patient and kind (because i was very polite and nice in my emails). i guess he's gotten angry emails/calls from people before, which, fair, being shorted money does make people stressed and angry, particularly when you are depending on that money for rent. i have the benefit of not being that stressed about it this time because i had enough for all my expenses this month. i've actually found this whole situation kind of amusing at this point. so, again, i don't want to be mean to payroll guy. but also. come on, dude. idk if it's you or the timekeeping system or both, but i feel like this should not be happening this often.

[thatsadbietch]

Sore Losers

I said I wanted to do another Animal Crossing or Dreamlight Valley fic, and ended up with Persona 5  🙃 It’s okay though, I love these two  💕

Warnings: None, other than tickles.  But I’m guessing that’s at least one reason you’re here.

“Ryuhohohojiheheh! Stoaoahahpp, I am yoohohohor leader!” Ren tried to scold, but it was awfully hard to appear threatening in a giggle fit like this.  The atomic blonde currently had his Joker pinned, using one hand to drill his thumb into a hip and the other hand to scurry across his shaking belly.

“Yeah, leader, all right,” he replied, “leader of cheating! A leader cheater, if you will.” Ren’s giggles reluctantly picked up at the stupidity of the comment.

“What the hell is going on up here?” Sojiro yelled, briskly climbing the stairs to his tenant/adopted son/part-timer’s room.  It was quite the sight, and to someone outside of the Phantom Thieves’ circle, might have appeared a bit risque. There was a “GAME OVER: PLAYER ONE WINS!” message across the TV, and a little 3 - 0 counter underneath the text. Two controllers lay forgotten next to the couch where an almost predatorial Ryuji was hunched over a red-faced and giggling Ren. 

They hardly acknowledged Sojiro’s appearance, but once Ren saw his frame come into view from the staircase his blush deepened.  Ryuji noticed his eyes shift and followed them, immediately upon realization jumping off of Ren and started rambling.

“S-Sojiro-san! This isn’t what it looks like, I swear, I-”

“Cool it, kid, I know exactly what’s going on up here.” Both teens were mortified, but for different reasons. Sojiro’s mischievous smirk was not helping, either.

“On paper, it’s my job to keep that one safe and out of trouble,” Sojiro started, pointing at the raven-haired boy.  “But just keep it down while I have customers, and I can allow for trouble of the “revenge of a sore loser” variety.”

“Whew, okay, thanks-HEY!?”

 “And I’m sure he still has a few secrets we haven’t found yet.”

Ren and Ryuji’s hearts leaped simultaneously, and the latter glared back at the former. “Oh yeah?”

Sojiro looked at Ren’s betrayed eyes. He sometimes forgets Ren was just a teenager, still very much a kid in some ways. But he took on so much more responsibility; a responsibility that most adults couldn’t handle. If they could, the Phantom Thieves may not exist in the first place.  Then he remembered how hard of a time he gave the boy after coming to Le Blanc and not believing his story.  He could go on a guilt trip about it, but he’d rather see Ren’s tension replaced with mirth at the moment.

“We haven’t tried his knees or feet yet.  Do with that what you will, I’m going to shut the door to the staircase, though,” Sojiro told Ryuji as he made his way back downstairs. Ren, having never seized the opportunity to stand, released an “Oomph!” as Ryuji pounced on his waist, facing away from him.

“Ryuji, please, doohohon’t, NOHOHO AHHAHAHA!”  Mercilessly and with a wicked cackle, Ryuji squeezed the soft area above Ren’s knees, causing an absolute explosion of laughter.  He reflexively brought up his knees, which did nothing to deter Ryuji’s ticklish grip, and brought his hands to grab futilely at his assailant’s shirt, unable to move much more than that.

“Ryhehehujihehe!” Joker cried, attempting to twist out from underneath his teammate.

“Nuh uh uh!” Ryuji scolded, pinching his calves. As it turns out, Ryuji found a not-quite-ticklish spot. Ren, still giggling, took the opportunity to hook his fingers into Ryuji’s hips, a recently discovered weak point of his.

“WaitwahehetWAHAHEHET NOHOHO! I KNEHEHEW YOU WERE A CHEHEHEATER!”

“You wound me, Ryuji,” Ren started, “I’m defending myself!  Why would I need to cheat?” He asked as if he was truly hurt by the accusation.  He continued to knead and tease his friend's hips, holding strong against every attempt Ryuji made to try to stand.

“Toohoo beheehat meehehehe!” Ryuji cried out, desperately trying to free his hips from Ren’s hands.  Ren, swiftly and cruelly, wormed his fingers under Ryuji’s waistline, just enough to contact the taught skin covering the hip bones.  Trading kneading for scratches with his dull fingernails nearly sent Ryuji into hysterics.  His cackle jumped up to a full-blown, unhindered belly laugh.

“Clearly, I don’t need to cheat to beat you. I’m just a natural at most things, it seems,” he teased.  He didn’t know exactly why, but he enjoyed antagonizing his friend this way, especially while he was coaxing out the most unabashed giggles from him. 

“Imagine if Shadows fought this way.  You wouldn’t have a chance,” Ren started, “All they would have to do is this,” and spidered his fingers along not just the hip bones, but up his sides and across is belly.  Ryuji screeched, trying to grab the offending hands while enduring a barrage of ticklish jolts that were turning his mind and muscles to mush. 

“YOHOHOU’RE ASKING FOHOHOR IT!”

“Even if I was, you aren’t so scary right now.  You’d think someone with the name Skull would be more of a threat.”  

That did it. Ryuji, mind still fuzzy, lunged forward, breaking out of Ren’s “lethal” grip.  He grabbed one of Ren’s ankles.  He scribbled all along his socked sole, hoping to throw his leader off guard.  Sure enough, Ren’s head was thrown back in a surprised yelp before devolving into bubbling, boyish giggles.

“Dohohohon’t! Quihihihit, Ryeeehehehujii!” Ren spat through his cackles, hoping not to hurt his friend with his spastic kicking. Ryuji, on the other hand, was glad to be catching his breath.  And while he regained breath, he also regained his deviousness.

“Don’t quit? Didn’t plan to, chuckles.”

“Nohoho nahahame calling!” Ren retorted.  He couldn’t reach Ryuji’s hips again from where he scooted forward to sit closer to his ankles.  Smart, so now he wouldn’t get kicked in the head, but it put Ren in a position without many options. 

“You want scary? I’ll give you scary!” Ryuji, fired up now that he had the upper hand again, shifted slightly so his wiggling fingers were in plain view, slowly descending toward Ren’s captured foot. Despite himself knowing this tactic, he couldn’t stop himself from giggling at such anticipation.  He yelped when Ryuji just barely grazed the tops of his toes, and the blonde assailant shot his hand back up to repeat the maddening process.

“And you want to talk about me! The Shadows would only have to think about tickling you and you’d be a mess!”

“Ryeehehehujihehe, pleeheheease!”

“Please what, fearless leader?”

“Geehehet on wiheheth it!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, dude. I’m not even touching you.” Though he tried, Ryuji couldn’t keep a straight face through the whole interaction.

Ren groaned, and ultimately resigned to his fate, however long that would take. But then he found his assailant’s own socked foot and grabbed his ankle.  Ryuji paused, and Ren took in several breaths, keeping his other hand poised for attack on Ryuji’s sole.

“Ihi’ll make your life reheally hard, don’t you dare,”  Ren smirked, noting the preliminary giggles lacing the threat. He twitched his fingers and Ryuji jumped.

“Another bad spot? You make a lot of threats for someone with so many weak points.”

“HA! You’re one to talk. At least I don’t deny it as it’s happening.” Ren only rolled his eyes and felt the blush that finally started to settle come back.

“Don’t be embarrassed or anything, dude. I’m not.  Makes us human, ya know?” Ren met his eyes and smiled genuinely, but twitched his fingers again on Ryuji’s sole, causing another jolt.

“Okay, bro moment’s over, you’re deHEHEHAHAHAD!” Ren, knowing he was instigating and still pinned, made sure to get the first move in.

“Don’t you mean a bro-ment?” Ryuji’s cackles, like Ren’s earlier, picked up at the pun.

“Yooohoohou deheheserve this!” Skull claimed, haphazardly tearing off Ren’s sock, skittering lightly from heel to toe. He immediately relented his own attack and squealed before his giggles came bubbling over. 

“You like that, huh?”

“NOOOHOOHOO I DOHOHON’T!” he denied, a little too vehemently. He didn’t understand how just a few well-placed swipes on such a small part of the body could render him to such a state. Whether Ryuji was aware or not, Ren wasn’t sure, but every time those malicious fingers wandered too close to his toes, his laughter kicked up an octave. Ryuji snickered.

“Dude, yoohoou make the best noises.  I could do this aaaaallllll day!”

“PLEHEHEASE DOHOHON’T!” Ren spat, tapping the couch, trying to signal he had enough.  Ryuji obliged immediately, finally removing himself from on top of his friend and sat on the floor to allow him to recover.  Ren, still catching his breath, shot up and put his sock back on, catching Ryuji’s glance.  Chuckling, Ryuji reached and patted Ren’s back reassuringly.

“*pant*... asshole... *pant*,”

“Ready for another round?” Ryuji asked.

“NO!” Ren boomed, already curling in on himself.  Ryuji was startled, but then laughed at his poor friend.

“Another round of the game, dude!”

[hyperbolicgrinch]

Teehee,,, here she comes,,, to ask,,, questionnnnnsss, (no pressure of course bestie) 1, 5, 12, 13, 16, 25, 29, 33 and 34 !!! But no pressure to anything!!! no pressure to answer either <3 I’m on laptop so this is a v boring ask i apologise it won't let em format this at all :(

There she is!!!! To ask questions!!! (Bless you for fighting the laptop to send me these, ilysm 💕)

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

I simply can't. It's impossible. I never look directly at my writing so I don't know her well enough 😂

Okay, fine, fine, she's mid, that's what I'll say?? So ⭐⭐ ?? Not doing anything spectacular but gets the job done more than not?

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

Maybe my All Out!!! requested ones because I actually finished and posted them, which was a miracle 😌✌️

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

Honestly I'm really excited about a silly modern university One Piece au I'm sort of doing on the side sometimes when I need a breather from other fics. Even though I've barely written anything officially for it, it's a cumulation of all my sister's and my 2am ramblings and silly little biased ideas and I just really wanna bring them to life so she can read them. 😂

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Ooo, if my memory serves right it was One Piece or Supernatural. I didn't ever finish or publish any of them but yeah- gateway drugs.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

Let me think, what's at the top of my head right now...

Argh, I guess I like when arseholes catch feelings for each other but still stay arseholes about it adsfggh 😅

Ohhhh and where one of them gets injured or beat up or whatever and the other dickhead is like "tell me who did this to you" while cradling their face or something hnggg 😳👉👈

Or when they've been complete dicks to each other but one of them turns up on the doorstep of the other cause they had nowhere else to go and then they have to deal with each other and they fall in luvvvv 😏

I also really am a bitch for the bastard is in love with and pining for other character (in fiction!!! In fiction!!!!). ugh if done right and pulled off well (in fiction!!!! In fiction!!!), I am unfortunately on the edge of my seat 🫣

Love me a bitch that gets jealous and starts acting out too (in fiction!!!!!) because as a bitch that do get jealous (not to that level, I am not pulling that crap, I promise) it speaks to me a little ngl 🫢

Ooooo and the fuck the whole world, I choose you thing. Like if they damn the whole world for their person/people then I'm there. I'm right there. It's gotta be done right thooooo but to be fair, it's pretty hard to mess up 😌

Okay gonna stop outing myself on main because I could go on adafgdhjy and just end with, not really a guilty pleasure, just a pleasure, but if there's a forehead press I am on the floor every time. The chef's are kissing with tongue!! Nothing like a forehead press!!! 😍

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Okay so the big One Piece one I'm working on atm, I keep having an urge to make a sequel after it that let's me kinda do a fix it au and teams the characters up again for a joint revenge plot. I can see it in my mind but making it work is going to be a lot. Still love to daydream about it tho 😂

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Hmm. Well atm I'm writing a lot of seggs and I'm not that (pun intended) jazed about writing it because it's not really my thing or in my wheelhouse, so that might count?

Don't know how it turned out cause it ain't finished yet but pray for me. It's a slog but the uglies must be bumped, I guess (instantly regrets saying that) 🙃

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I'd need an audience first, pfftt 🤭

Nah, um, that it takes literal years and none of that shit is written in order. It's all an illusion, babbeyyy!!

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

Crikey okay everything I'm writing at the moment is pissing me off so here's something I wrote in like 2016 and haven't touched since but that I think about often (even if I would change most of it today) because of a compliment I got on it. 😙

(It was for a Zoro pov zolu ficlet after the timeskip meet up when all the crew gets back together again in One Piece because that arc always leaves me with some damn big feelings and they have to go somewhere 👁️👄👁️)

"I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!"

And he will be.

And Zoro will be there when he does, because oh, he's not leaving this thundering feeling for anything in the world ever again.

He shuts his one good eye, and smiles.

The heavens will hear Luffy's name long before they ever hear his own.

[pearly--rose]

Thanks @pretty-thief for tagging me!

1. Were you named after anyone?

Not my first name, but my middle name (Rose) is the first name of my mom's aunt. I think it was more that my parents liked it as a middle name vs. choosing to name me after her, though.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday, lol -- I went to the movies for my bday (for the first time since Feb 2020 actually) and saw Past Lives, which completely destroyed me 🙃

3. Do you have kids?

No, and am like 90% sure I don't want them. I think it depends on if I ever meet the ~right person~ but I'm getting older and that's not really feeling like a possibility. But I've also never been good with kids and definitely never had dreams of being a mom, so yeah.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Too damn much.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

Just soccer, through middle school. I guess I also did dance for a while as a kid, and took tennis lessons with friends for a summer or two (but I always sucked at it.) I was really good about running regularly last year up until Feb of this year, and then totally fell off that wagon. But I got some new running shoes for my bday so it's time to try again 😅

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone?

I honestly don't know, I've never thought about it. It feels stupid to say "their face" but that's probably the real answer.

7. Eye color?

Hazel (my eyes are in fact my favorite thing about my appearance)

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, I've never been able to do scary movies. I'll watch some under the right circumstances, but I'd never choose one over a happy ending.

9. Any special talents?

I used to be able to name every country in the world bc I had an incredibly boring job where I mostly just sat around all day, so I started trying to memorize them via that Sporcle quiz where you get 15 mins to name them all 😂

10. Where were you born?

New Jersey, and I'm somehow still here. I think there must be some sort of ancient magic keeping my family in this state, because dad's side came here in the 1600s and apparently we just never fucking left lol

11. What are your hobbies?

I feel like I used to have legit hobbies, but if I'm being honest covid really fucked with the way I interact with the world and I don't do nearly as much as I used to do. Like I used to love traveling and taking pictures, but I'm still not really comfortable traveling and I rarely take my DSLR out anymore. I play guitar? Never with enough dedication to get really good, but I like picking it up every now and then and teaching myself a song.

12. Do you have any pets?

Hell yeah I do, her name is Pearl, she is a fluffy white Persian rescue and she will be 6 in September and is my favorite thing in this entire world.

13. How tall are you?

4'11" (AND THREE QUARTERS OKAY) / 59 inches / ~150 cm

14. Favorite subject in school?

Anything artsy

15. Dream job?

Being independently wealthy? lolol but honestly, I don't really know anymore. I don't hate what I do, I just wish I had it in me to be more motivated to make a little more money at it. But then again that would probably require working myself to the bone, and I'm not interested in that either. I think I wouldn't mind running a little cafe someday, but the restaurant industry is too fickle to new businesses for me to ever want to actually take that risk.

Tagging: anyone who wants to answer!

[iexistfor1post]

...

Again the more I learn about ADHD the more I see myself in some of the symptoms

Like I just learned about emotional regulation going out the window with puberty is a possible symptom of adhd

Which guess what I cannot regulate my emotion at all, if I get upset I have trouble calming down

As the dude said most people pass it off as menstruation but like I'm not always on it haha

The only thing I don't think fits is that I am so anxious I always try to be early to things and if I'm not I start panicking

That could literally just be because of my anxiety

It's still so strange too. See myself in the symptoms simply.Because I really do not want to have it

Like it is clear it sits in my brain because my brother has it and I see how disorganized I am and how I have trouble staying on topic for longer than a month sometimes less

I get really attached to things.

Including media as I have been attached to FNAF for a decade now

I know volume control is also a symptoms I believe but I don't understand that one

Like When I am comfortable I am loud if I'm not then I am quiet

Like another symptoms is spaceyness which I am but again my anxiety makes me so wired that can't relax 🙃

I bought some 3d printed fidget toys, Which I love my dragon

I don't know if they're really doing their job

I do feel bad for people sometimes when they listen to me as I talk and talk about something many things

My poor younger brother who i have made listen to me for over an hour

*also my poor co workers lol)

Wait I am actively listening to a video about woman adhd symptoms

Separation anxiety is part of it????

Like I don't think i fit that 100% as if it is somewhere I am comfortable I don't hate going

... wait but I still want someone to come with even if it is to chat

I also don't want to live on my own and I still cling to my parents despite being in my early 20s

In 8th grade when going on a school trip i had a panic attacking as soon as mom left me at school

Like this was a trip away in another state for a couple days and I didn't panic when I was there

However my anxiety (in general) has gotten worse as I grew which is why I take meds now

💀

I don't think I have depression though.I could probably have seasonal depression though, as fall does get to me sometimes

Also my brother who is diagnosed and is a dude I think he has mostly innatinvie symptoms

Though he takes meds so 🤷

I'm not him so

I'm pretty sure that I have mentioned before. That's starting in fifth or sixth grade is when the first day of school and sometimes 2nd day also that I would feel sick cuz of nerves

Which with what I know now, I think there could be something similar to panic attacks

The thing by doctor calls a panic attack.I never considered one so

But apparently throwing up from nerves is considered a panic attack

Oh the dude just said something that hit onl

"Just apply yourself " <- in relation to what people tell young girls with have adhd symptoms

The thing is, I never quite struggled, but that's still hits home

Well I was mostly on my phone senior year but I was still getting As and Bs

Actually, I don't think I really ever studied for school

So I don't know how that relates

I never really struggling but that's is because I barely tried if I didn't want to

Mostly after 5th grade where I hated all the books we needed to read

So I think it was in seventh grade. My parents were like. We will take your phone away if you don't do your schoolwork, so

Which then I did the work because I wanted my phone

I do think if I do have adhd that the phone exacerbated issues as I got a phone at the end of 6th grade

I have always been a little distracted, which I hated because I wanted to be a goody two shoes in my younger grades and then around 6th i was like this sucks I hate school

Apply myself lol , I was never studious so that still makes me laugh

Getting good grades made it that I never studied as I was rewarded for not studying

I'm pretty sure this is why I don't feel a drive to go to college

Oh, so in the comments of the video was talking about how drawing was there focus in a nd I drew all over my papers also in school and I still do

I work in retail and i've literally been told.Please don't draw

🫠

Oh the vid:

10:15 -> Ouch /lh

Fun factI've been typing this for forty minutes.From only ten minutes through this video

I keep rewind things.I keep missing something

I don't really have self image issues, but everything else hits really bad with that paragraph

I cannot do anything without feeling overwhelmed sometimes

I think that's worth my anxiety though, but like it could be hand in hand if I have adhd

Cause again I am not officially diagnosed

I just have a known family link to it, a friend many years ago mentioning to me that she seems similar symptoms she has in me, and the fact that I am kinda curious if I do but fear having to take meds

Like the only reason why I take anxiety meds now is it got so bad that I was having throw up every time that I had to do something that made me anxious

13:08

Ah hormones haha

Love that women's bodies just naturally fluctuate, and that affects everything /sar

Being on my period sucks (which I currently am )

Oh so because puberty stopped i lost the happy juice/j (14:10)

14:25

...

I've always been a little impulsive, but uh I became really impulsive and bought a lot of stuff online

Yeah, I learned my lesson and so i'm now trying to rein in that impulsivity, even though I strove about a few things after I said I would chill

I did learn my lesson, which is why I buy less stuff and actually doing better

That's because the anxiety of not being able to pay off my credit cards scared me

So yay for anxiety i guess

(I'm ace btw. Repulsed)

But yeah, no I was still kind of in a innatintive until I reached adulthood and puberty stopped

So is that a thing against me having adhd or???

Cause really? I've just grown more anxious over by growing up.

I was a little hyper as a kid and then chilled as I liked school once upon a time and so I wanted to be good

Once I moved schools, I think, is what it became less hyper as new environment that made me anxious

I don't know

Even if I don't have it, this is still an interesting thing to watch

15:30

I have felt anxious since fifth grade so like 12(?) Years old

I still think that's more from me moving

It could have got worse later on because puberty, I guess

However, didn't get worse until last year.This year?

Whatever anxiety is a strange thing

🙃 17:01

Ouch /lh

I never did extracurriculars though

17: 35

Me in school when doing homework or projects

Also, part of the reason why I occasionally try and give myself a deadline for something I really we wanna do for myself

18:40

I struggle with math, but oh no, that paragraph

I made friends because I need to talk with people but literally, i'm not close with any of those people still

I don't go out and hang out with anyone

Again, I really am bad at regulating my emotions

Why am I trying to figure this out...

I do think I am lazy.

I would rather never work a day in my life

No romantic relationships for me btw just cause this video is mostly about baseline I guess

22:24

Oh yeah. No I don't really think i'm a great friend simply because I just don't hang out with anyone ever

Like, you have to invite me 'cause if not that i'm just going to stay holed up in my house

Or hang out with my family or go to work

Like, i'm pretty sure I actually have no friends /lh

Just acquaintances

By the way, listening to all this s*** about men and women makes me really glad that my dad is the main person who goes around and does the grocery shopping

My mom normally ends up buying something we already have

Then forgetting something we need haha

My parents are great at planning together

Especially when you have all your children saying, I don't know in a answers to most questions haha

24:00

Not a mother, and it's because my anxiety of being late is what causes me to be on timer early

When I went to my younger brothers the school ceremony.I got there exactly at the time it started and I was panicking

The reason was because I had to pick someone else up and dropped them off

They didn't get out on time so I was like :we are gonna be late

Technically we weren't late I guess

But still arriving exactly at the time was not fun

...

Nice to know meds don't always work for everyone

I have lost the plot of this post btw

[tartrazeen]

@chandler-draws okay BUT FOR REAL

I spent so much time trying to map out the best-case, most plausibly deniable set of actions Hank could been doing.

"Ugh, my fucking boss assigned me to an android. I guess I'm stuck with him."

The - uh... same boss that Hank routinely ignores, who constantly cuts Hank slack because of their friendship, and whose office Hank storms in - WHILE HE IS SOBER, and therefore reasonably more in control of his actions - to scream he's not putting up with an android as his partner?!

"Ugh, my fucking boss assigned me to an android. I'm not putting up with that shit. I'm gonna dump this guy at the end of town and leave him there lol."

Possibly! Because Hank's drunk at this point, and we've seen how he parks his car that one time (across his lawn), so yes, this man drives drunk. I could see him having that idea, except thaaaaaaat...

He immediately drives to the scene of the crime and starts the investigation.

"Ugh, my fucking boss assigned me to an android. I'm not putting up with that shit. I'm gonna dump this guy at the end of town and leave him there lol. But first, I have to go do my job, so I guess I need to bring him with me."

🙃

Okay, putting aside the very first thing I wrote in my original post ("Why the fuck did Hank even let Connor in his car???"), this is someone who has never shown himself to be in a rush to get to the crime scene.

Put aside whether or not he even shows up. Ben cracks a joke about that, but let's assume it's just a joke, and Hank still always eventually makes his way over to the crime scene.

He still has enough time to make a detour first, which would be the more immediate 'I'm ditching this asshole' urge that his drunk id is ranting about it.

Instead, the guy who canonically has multiple coworkers joke about whether Hank was gonna show up, canonically arrives late to work the next day, canonically has to have his ass dragged off the floor and into a tub and then to Ye Olde Sexe Clube, is suddenly dead-set on driving Connor - who Hank doesn't like! - somewhere else... but only after he shows up to the crime scene on time.

Let's even say it's on the way. Like the only place Hank could get rid of Connor is directly en route to the crime scene, so this is just convenient.

EXCEPT THE BAR SCENE ALWAYS ENDS WITH HANK DELIBERATELY STATING THAT HE'S GOING TO THE CRIME SCENE.

That's right - these hypotheticals were a TRICK, because Hank was VERY CLEAR about his intentions.

"Ugh, fine, I'll go do my stupid fucking job. And then I'll get rid of this goddamn android. But leave it in the car 'cause I don't need running around and touching shit."

"Sorry, android, you don't have permission to enter this area-"

"LET HIM IN, HE'S WITH ME, THAT'S MY ANDROID, YESSIR, I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT NOT WANTING HIM IN HERE AND AM NOW PUBLICLY DECLARING MY AFFILIATION WITH HIM."

🙃🙃

Alright, but Connor is designed to manipulate people, and canonically uses puppy eyes to get Hank to do what he wants. That's a thing Connor reserves for Hank because it's so effective. (🙃) What if Hank just sees this idiot looking so sad and worthless outside of the police line, and intervenes because of th-HE FUCKING HATES ANDROIDS

HE HATES - HE'S LIKE - THAT'S HIS WHOLE THING!!!

Neutral, Hank tells Connor to run along, but then decides eh, screw it, bring the android, and then tells Connor to wait in the car anyway. Angry, he tells Connor that he's going to set him on fire, and still vouches for Connor to walk in. If the plan was to prove that he brought Connor along and didn't end up needing him, why:

a) leave Connor in the car instead of bringing him along in the first place, or

b) help Connor through the police line when he was specifically told to stay in the car?

Maybe the plan changed - AFTER Connor was already in the car with him! Driving to the crime scene! Bringing Connor without intending to actually let Connor go to the crime scene, just take up space in Hank's car!

DO YOU SEE WHY I SAID THIS WAS BONKERS

Every step of the way, there's reason after reason for why Hank bringing Connor along for professional purposes doesn't make sense. Then there are certain personal purposes that don't make sense. All that leaves just a handful of very specific purposes (👀 that magazine, when did Hank get it, before or after he met Connor?) for this to be happening.

Damn, no wonder buying Hank a drink worked so well. That thirst is immediate and insatiable.

... why the fuck did Hank let Connor into his car?

Some random android rocks up, mouths off, dumps your drink, smirks at you like the overt asshole that he is, and says, "I'm riding with you tonight. Giddy-up."

And Hank - at his most hostile, because let's put the Polite!Connor responses aside - endures this, threatens to burn Connor in a dumpster, lifts him off the ground... and then decides, "Sure, yeah, I'll clear my passenger seat off for you :3"

I was just wondering why Hank didn't take the opportunity to get rid of Connor once Connor gets stopped trying to enter Ortiz' house. But then I realized how Connor got to that house - by having Hank drive this randy andy to it - and and and and and and and anD HANK YOU TOLD CONNOR TO JUST WAIT IN THE CAR AT FIRST, BUDDY, BRUH, DOWN-BAD BOY, WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR PLAN FOR IF CONNOR STAYED IN THE CAR?

Literally walk through this scene:

- Stranger comes up to you at a bar

- Says he's getting in your car with you

- You have no proof that he's actually who he says he is

- You are drunk

- Your boss doesn't tell you this is your new partner until tomorrow

- You hate androids

- You had zero interest in going anywhere before this

- You grab that smug android off his feet and bring him right up into your face (or you're happy 'cause this kid just bought you a drink 😉)

- In this emotional state, you agree to take him along in the car

- You tell him to stay in the car until you're back

- You're just gonna run in, kick some evidence around, then get back to this android who you told to still be there afterwards

And like

NO WONDER THE FIRST THING BEN SAYS IS, "😉 Got yourself an android, huh?"

AND NO WONDER THE MAGAZINE WE SEE IN HANK'S ROOM IS, "Mmmm androids, amirite? 😉"

The agony of having to go to an android strip club and ramble about how you would never, ever have a relationship with an android that yoU WERE TAKING TO A NON-WORK RELATED LOCATION FIVE WHOLE MINUTES AFTER YOU MET, APPARENTLY, 'CAUSE CONNOR WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO WAIT IN THE CAR

IS

BONKERS

Oh, Hank. 🙂 You poor man. 🙃 That's why there's so much rain in all of their scenes together - it's whole damn universe trying to quench this unbridled thirst.

Also no wonder Sixty took him hostage so fast - and without a single mark on Hank at all (that we could see lmaoooo)

[thelasttime]

Cleveland anon again I actually don’t know if that is more unhinged or if my 1989 tour story is ??

So I had just graduated high school and was going to start college that august (🧂💨) but my college was making me go to this mandatory poor kids seminar for the whole month of July to make sure we were ~adequately prepared for the rigors~ or whatever so I was going to be out of town during the shows where I’m from but we weren’t allowed to leave campus for ANY REASON at ALL during the seminar thing so I wasn’t going to be able to go to the shows there either (which I did actually have a b-stage pit ticket for one of those but had to give it away since they imprisoned me in a dorm) ((also also I gave it away to some kid on here for free and she blocked me after I’m still mad about that))

ANYWAY. So I was like I have to go to this. And I convinced my GF at the time that it would be a great idea for us to go to Seattle for the show? We do not live near Seattle. We do not go to college near Seattle. So I like manufacture this whole ass vacation to get her to go to the Seattle 1989 date with me and I basically finance the whole thing w the proceeds from my after school part time job at a god damn MARSHALL’S because my ex SUCKS and we stayed at a super sketchy motel outside of Seattle and took the train in for the show but the show was beautiful and perfect and it was the first time I’d ever seen T live!! Also fetty wap was there and they played trap queen?? Idk that was a wild summer

There was some butthead though who was talking to the TN employee the whole time we were getting our pic taken at the booth before the show and like crying about how they were PROMISED that they would FOR CERTAIN get loft 89 and the TN employee was like ??? Who told u that?? But they just kept screaming and crying so the TN employee rushed us out to deal w them and then later on tumblr I saw that they did actually get loft 89 that night 🙃

IN CONCLUSION lmao I guess all my stories are “I spend way too much money on flying to random places for Taylor swift concerts” and yes I might randomly fly somewhere for eras don’t @ me I have credit cards I’m an adult we all die in debt anyway

omg speaking of the loft 89 / all of that - i don't know if i ever shared this but i got offered like $200 for people to take our rep room passes and go instead ???????? like this was in front of sydney from taylor nation who was wrapping the rep room bracelet around me as people were crowding around us and asking me if they could pay for our meet & greet passes ... i was 17 years old ???????????? and they were like full adults (like 25+)

anyways - yes perhaps you need to start going to concerts that are closer to your area .. although i will say that my sister and our friend flew into nashville for this eras tour and it was really fun!! just be financially responsible bestie <3

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

In case anyone had missed the memo that health insurance in this country is messed up -

In fall 2021 when I was unemployed I put my toddler on Medicaid. Even though I got a job a month and a half later that should have made me income ineligible, he was allowed to keep it for a full year.

Summer 2022 I try to get the toddler on Child Health Plus before his Medicaid runs out and am informed that due to the covid emergency, even though I am income ineligible his Medicaid coverage has been extended til fall 2023. Ok, that’s nice, I guess.

Baby is born in August 2022. He is automatically enrolled in my employer-sponsored insurance without my permission and despite the fact that I explicitly didn’t want him to be, and the hospital starts billing my insurance the tens of thousands of dollars in NICU bills.

I get him off my insurance and tell the hospital that I’m enrolling him in Child Health Plus so please stop trying to charge my insurance. I try to enroll him in Child Health Plus, but because my toddler is on Medicaid (even though I am income ineligible), not only does the baby automatically qualify for Medicaid, but they won’t LET me enroll him in Child Health Plus instead.

However, the Medicaid doesn’t take effect til a month and a half after his birth even though both Medicaid and Child Health Plus should be backdated to a baby’s birth if the parent applies within a timeframe in which I did in fact apply. Normally there is a way in the system to request it to be backdated but it just…isn’t there. Possibly because the baby “had other insurance” at the time of birth, even though that was cancelled and all claims submitted to it were consequently denied.

Marketplace insurance navigator files an appeal for me in September.

It’s now November and there has been zero update from the state. Marketplace navigator is putting in another appeal and advised me to submit one myself as well through a separate system that she is not legally allowed to help me with (??). Meanwhile it’s too late to backtrack and add the baby to my insurance plan (which would be outrageously expensive anyway) and I’ve got at least $66k in NICU bills sitting around with no insurance to submit it to. 🙃

[cosmogyros]

I know I haven't been on here lately ahhhh but I have been spending every free moment READING, because with every year older that I get, I feel less and less knowledgeable... and I must remedy this. Although, frankly, I think I might be overdoing it a bit because. um. my full-time job also requires reading eight hours a day. And I'm starting to feel a bit Worn.

That said, here's my "currently reading" list with disorganized commentary:

Miteinander reden - Friedemann Schulz von Thun (I am enjoying this one but moving through it very slowly so far because it keeps giving me Ideas that I need to write about immediately or else message friends about, and then I forget to return to the book and keep reading)

Capitalism: A Very Short Introduction - James Fulcher (crap I forgot I was reading this actually, I need to get back to it)

Le lieutenant de Kouta - Massa Makan Diabaté (This is progressing slowly because I'm hand-copying it as I go, but at least it's generally quite an easy read, and particularly interesting to me because it's set in Mali, a country that is a special interest of mine)

Et si c'était vrai - Marc Levy (I started this, paused it when I briefly lost interest, then restarted; we'll see if I can maintain the motivation this time)

Dracula - Bram Stoker (yes! I am doing Dracula Daily! oh it's such a treat to return to this wonderful book ❤️)

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy - Jessica Fern (I posted about wanting to read this book and then two friends messaged me separately saying they'd been wanting to as well, so obviously I did what anyone would do and made a group chat, introduced 'em to each other, and we're a mini-book-club now)

Sauve-Moi - Guillaume Musso (I started this just for the heck of it and I'm sorry but it's so bad so far. so bad. The protagonist looks in the mirror after a shower as an excuse to have her describe herself. And yes, she mentions her breasts. And then she wonders if, at 28, she's still desirable. I may not be able to stick this one out.)

Delusions of Gender - Cordelia Fine (I have been having memory issues again recently, so I can't remember a blessed thing about this book despite having started it... mayyyybe two weeks ago? I should probably stop reading so many things at once and give my poor brain-damaged head a break 🙃)

The ABCs of Socialism - Bhaskar Sunkara et al. (I have sooooo much to learn about socialism, and I guess I am starting here; already learned the difference between private property and personal property, so we're off to a good start)

Les Fiancés de l'hiver - Christelle Dabos (not my usual genre but I spontaneously joined a French book club that chose it as our first book, so hey! and it's not bad so far)

Mating in Captivity - Esther Perel (one of those "been on my TBR forever" books that I finally dove into when another friend mentioned starting it and I said "ooh ooh I'll read it with you!")

I also started reading Les Misérables and Le deuxième sexe but I am trying to FORCE myself to hold off on them for now and finish my somewhat more accessible French books first, before returning to those heavy-hitters. Oh and there's Vere aux Fantazie, the collection of short pieces in Esperanto that I really have no excuse for not having finished yet, seeing as I started it... a year and a half ago.

But honestly right now my current-reading list is too full of non-English stuff and/or nonfiction, and I think it would be wise to ease up on myself a bit and read some nice light compelling English-language fiction to balance out the rest of this mess. The last fiction book I finished in English was Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel, a recommendation from a friend, which threw me for a fucking LOOP when I finished it a few days ago. Instantly went on my favorites list, but damn, I'm still licking my wounds.

[beevean]

YOOOOOOOOOOOOO LET'S GOOOOOO HYPE THROUGH THE ROOOOOOOOOF

(this reminds me that I wanted to write the scene of Dracula tattooing Isaac myself... I should come around to it once I'm done beating Hector to death <.<)

"they died willingly, understanding why he needed their essence specifically. It was for a good cause." hehe, foreshadowing >:3

"It's perfect." his master smiled, getting the younger one's attention back. "You did a great job, i didn't expect any less from you, Benedict." Benedict being earnestly praised by Isaac, we always love to see it <3

And oh, five years? Bapy no longer bapy? :( (ah who am I kidding, BB will always be bapy)

"He's the one who wanted to feel like he belonged, with and to Dracula." ah, the big suffering of all Devil Forgemasters: they want to belong, but they don't really belong anywhere. Off to a great start for my heart :')

"Beautiful... this is the result of five years of training under my mentorship." and just like that, isaac added yet another kink to the already huge pile

"I wonder if this is how Lord Dracula felt when he... well, nevermind." something tells me that he didn't :(

broke: lenore saying "good boy" to mock hector. extremely bespoke: isaac saying "good boy" with all the affection he can muster

"It's good if you do. Let it all out... make place in your chest for our Lord, to welcome and accept Him completely as a part of you." Honestly, glad to see that Isaac isn't the "don't you dare show emotions" type. I imagine he himself is pretty prideful, but he won't hold it against others, especially his little kitten :)

ISAAC CAN'T BEAR TO SEE BB CRY NOOOOOOOO

Ouch. Three hours of tattooing, and BB did add other tattoos on his body :( well at least isaac didn't maim his ass like dracula did to him

"It only dawned on him now how much Dracula's bite helped him during his own ritual." oh ho 👀 i already described how that would go in my draft and yes it sure helped 👀

"A hand cupped one of his cheek as he felt lips on his other" SJKFHSKJAFH CUUUUUUUUUTE 💖💗😍🥰

and right after that, more pain! oh, the joy, the wonder! 🙃

The Belmont lineage: being a pain in the ass of Devil Forgemasters since 1476! Did Isaac realize his mistake by looking at BB's baby blue eyes? Did he see Trevor before connecting the dots?

Goddamnit. This is why I instantly fell in love with the idea of a Belmont DF. DFs already are a sort-of in-between, not quite human but not fully demonic either; add the holiness and the fate of the Belmonts, and you have a mess. Lovely how BB is not holy enough to be accepted by the VK, but holy enough to ruin the tattoo ritual which would have granted him happiness. Thank you Isaac for hugging the boy because FUCK do I wish I could.

Thank you. Heart's in pieces just like I love it <3

(ngl, while this is absolutely not a criticism, I was expecting more horny. I guess BB is still too bapy for that :P oh but the time will come, I'm sure...)

So, uh, what if Benedict got tattooed just like Isaac ? BY Isaac ? (yeah it's "isaac is a mentor to bb" au time baby)

Enjoy this very wholesome little text <3

~

"I finished the bone, sir."

Isaac smiled when he heard the voice of his pupil, but kept his eyes on the work he was doing: emptying a bat devil from his blood into a big bowl.

"Good. Just in time."

With a respect Benedict did not expect from him, the older one laid the now dead beast on a table, next to a few other corpses of the same creatures. It's been an hour since he had started to collect their blood, resulting in the death of every single one. But he didn't force it out of any of them... they died willingly, understanding why he needed their essence specifically. It was for a good cause.

"Come here, let me see."

The younger one ignored the eerie feeling building up in his chest and approached his mentor, handing to him the bone he had, per his instructions, sharpened one of the edges of. He stood silent as Isaac inspected it thoroughly, but his eyes were not on him. He gazed upon the pile of devil corpses, feeling pity and sadness for the poor things. He still wished his mentor had choose real ink to mark him... but it wouldn't have been as meaningful, according to him. Dracula's blood would've been ideal for the ritual, but since they couldn't have that, those bats' blood was the closest thing they had to it.

"It's perfect." his master smiled, getting the younger one's attention back. "You did a great job, i didn't expect any less from you, Benedict."

Pride was quick to fill his chest, as warmth rushed to his ears. Of course, after five years of intense training, his mentor couldn't have anything but high expectations of him. Expectations he was happy to say he lived up to.

But his excitement soon declined, when his master went to the old, rocky altar in the center of the room. He tapped on it, eyes locking with his, and Benedict immediately understood what he had to do.

So, it was time... he was finally going to shed away his name of Belmont, for good. Become a true Devil Forgemaster, Benedict, servant of Lord Dracula. Even if his mentor already saw him as such, the ritual they were about to begin was going to make it actually official.

Apprehension built in his heart, as he began to take his clothes off. He shouldn't feel so scared, he's the one who asked for it. He's the one who wanted to prove his devotion to the Night by forever making his body a part of it. He's the one who wanted to feel like he belonged, with and to Dracula. And Isaac was more than delighted to help him, to make him feel the extasy he felt himself. He knew he would be safe in his hands... Still. Why couldn't he relax ?

Benedict shuddered when the chilly wind hit his skin. He walked up to his mentor, and took place on the altar, laying on his stomach to give him full access to his back. The rock under him was so cold... but he quickly forgot about that when he felt light fingers pushing his hair aside, then caressing his spine from his nape to his hips. It went back up, exploring his shoulder blades, and Benedict could not help but sigh and shiver under the touch.

"Beautiful... this is the result of five years of training under my mentorship."

The brunet looked at his master from the side of his eyes. Hopefully, his hair was covering the redness he could feel on his cheeks, and the tears that were threatening to come out.

No one. No one had ever sound more proud of him than his mentor did at that very moment.

"I wonder if this is how Lord Dracula felt when he... well, nevermind."

Isaac left his student's side, only to retrieve the giant bowl filled with black blood, and put it on the altar next to his boy. He dipped the sharp tip of the bone in it, then held it above his pupil's back.

"Let us begin."

~

Benedict knew it was going to hurt. He told him so, they had discussed the whole ritual beforehand. And yet, when the sharp bone hit his skin for the first time, Isaac could tell he held back a cry. He couldn't blame him, he, too, had been there. Nonetheless, he was sure Benedict was going to remember this moment quite fondly, one day. Just like he learned to. But soon, the young forgemaster could no longer hold his whimpers. Holding onto the altar, gasping for breath, quietly moaning in pain. Still, he didn't move, trusting his mentor completely... and Isaac felt a sting in his heart.

"Good boy..." he could not help but whisper. His mentee's body seemed to relax for a second, before tensing again when the next strike of the bone hit him. "You're doing great, kitten..."

Benedict inhaled deeply, in an attempt to calm himself down. But every place the bloodied thing had touch felt like fire in his skin, he could barely stand it. "It hurts....!" he whimpered. "Sir Isaac...!"

"I know. Cry as much as you want." The bone penetrated the smooth skin, hitting a sensitive spot that almost made the boy scream. "It's good if you do. Let it all out... make place in your chest for our Lord, to welcome and accept Him completely as a part of you."

Benedict clenched his fist, cursing himself. He thought he could take everything his mentor would give him, he thought he was strong, that he had suffered enough for the ritual to be... easy. But he was oh so wrong. Every movement of the bone proved it to him. Every drop of burning cold blood penetrating his skin made him wish he hadn't ask for this. Still, he couldn't ask for it to stop. It would be the same as betraying his mentor, and all they stand for... and the thought was worse to him than any pain he's currently going through. Slowly, he turned his head, teary eyes searching for his mentor's. If they met eyes, maybe it would make him feel better. All he wanted was to feel some kind of comfort... but he was denied that wish, as a pale hand soon covered his vision.

"Don't." Isaac ordered. "Close your eyes. Look elsewhere. But do not look at me while I work." The tone was harsh. But the result was there, when a broken voice responded with a soft "yes, sir...". Carefully, Isaac took his hand off, only relaxing when he could see Benedict's eyes, closed as he demanded.

"Good boy." He praised. Yes, it was good... that way, maybe his chest will feel less heavy. That way, he can concentrate on his work, not to be disturbed by his mentee's pleading gaze.

~

It took Isaac almost two hours to complete the Devil Forgemaster's crest on Benedict's back, followed by another hour to tattoo him from his chest to his hips. By the time it was done, the boy was a mess, to say the least. A shaking, exhausted mess, barely capable of any moans. His face was turned on the opposite direction from his mentor, covered with his hair, leaving the older one guessing about how his expression looked like.

Softly, Isaac ran a few fingers on his newest creation. He could not help but smile a bit when he felt the skin shivering under his touch.

"You've been perfect, kitten." he whispered, bending down to his student's ear, his hand still caressing the ravaged skin. "The worse has passed, but it's not quite over yet... stand up, now."

Seeing the state his pupil, struggling to obey, Isaac slipped one hand beneath him, taking one of Benedict's with the other, and helped him sit up. The movement made his hair fall down from his face, allowing the mentor so see cheeks, wetted by tears and sweat, and his eyes... still closed. Not once had he open them in three hours. Isaac couldn't help but feel a bit proud of his obedience. Unable to stay straight, Benedict laid his head against his mentor's chest, breathing deeply. Isaac did not protest, instead, he began caressing his hair, and placed a few strands behind his ear. It was the least he could do... the boy deserved a little break after such a long, painful session. It only dawned on him now how much Dracula's bite helped him during his own ritual.

"Don't fall asleep just now." he murmured. "The night's not over..."

A little mumbling responded to him, but he didn't bother trying to translate. Soon enough, Benedict found the strenght to leave the warmth of his master's skin and straighten up. A hand cupped one of his cheek as he felt lips on his other, making his whole face and ears burn for a different reason than his tattoos were.

"A good boy deserves a reward." His mentor's suave voice whispered. "Don't you agree ?" Benedict nodded, his heart beating faster than it ever did. How he wish he could open his eyes and see his expression right now... He felt hands on his arm, and instinctively followed their lead, slowly raising his arm.

"Now, let's finish what we started..."

~

Benedict's whole body was burning, anormally so. Devils' blood were not meant to be inside a human, had it been Dracula's, it would've been the same. Isaac knows, it took him a few days to recover... or maybe it was weeks ? Well. No matter the time it took, at least, he could move during it.

But Benedict couldn't. It was to the point of almost falling down the altar. Isaac did not have any other choice than to take him in his arms, holding him as he whimpers apologies.

"I'm so sorry, I'm..." the boy sobbed. "I try to be strong- I thought I'd be- Lord you must be so disappointed in me...!"

"Shhh now, kitten." He respond softly. "It's alright."

"It just hurt so much...!"

"I know, I know..."

His pupils pressed his face against his chest, and Isaac could feel warm tears falling down his skin. It wasn't normal. He wasn't supposed to be in such pain. The ritual wasn't supposed to end with him holding his shaking mentee's body as he sit him on the ground, kneeling in front of him. And yet, there they were, cries of pain breaking the heart he thought dead. And it only seemed to get worse by the second. What was happening to him ? He did everything right, he knew he did. All the way up to tending to him after the ritual.

"Sir Isaac, please...! Please help me !"

Though he cried his name, the boy didn't even look at him. He kept his eyes closed, and finally, Isaac realised he never allowed him to open them again. Not knowing what else to do, he took the younger's face in his hands, and ordered.

"Open your eyes, Benedict."

"I..."

"Open them. Look at me. I'm here."

Just like he thought, his pupil could not go against a direct order. Even through the pain and and tears, Benedict obeyed. But the moment he did, when those bright blue eyes met with his yellow gaze... Isaac realised what he did wrong. Suddenly, everything made sense. And he wished it never did.

"Oh... Oh no, Benedict..."

How could he be so stupid ? How could he overlook such an important detail ? How could he forget ?

"Sir...?"

And most importantly, how was he going to tell him ?

"...It's not your fault, Benedict."

Without a better plan, he hugged his protégé, shame and anger rising in his chest.

Denying the Belmont name is useless, in the end, for the holiness in his blood will forever follow him. Never to let him belong.

"You did nothing wrong. I'm glad to have you as my pupil."

Tears of a different kind rised in Benedict's eyes, as he squeeze his mentor with all the strenght he got left. He still didn't understand what was happening to him. But at least, he knew... he wasn't alone.

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

Guess whose ankle gave out for no discernable reason while walking to the parking garage at 2am after a bartending shift?

Guess who has a torn ligament now (and possibly something called connective tissue deficiency syndrome which I just played off as me being both active and clumsy all my life) and lost an entire source of income JUST before finally becoming somewhat mentally and financially stable?

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

I was blessed with many things: I'm pretty cute, I tell an okay story or two, I'm fairly athletic, I have blue eyes and a high IQ (even though I believe IQ tests are a scam but I digress), I have a wonderful son, a beautiful and supportive partner, several loving family members to balance out the abusive ones, and the best friends a person can have. I've got a good work ethic and I'm charismatic when I want to be. I'm resourceful (even if that's from the ✨trauma✨)but...

One thing I was not blessed with? Luck.

I blame my four retrograde placements and the possibility that I leveled a small village in a past life.

In other news, Min Yoongi is ruining my life with his dilf era and long hair (also he's so big now? Sir you were supposed to be my smol kitten boi) and I cannot believe I ever trusted a man, all they do is lie and I cannot think about Changkyun's new tattoo without breaking into hives. Also the latest SKZ album has NO SKIPS and I don't take criticism. What's going on with Jackson Wang? He's suddenly like GHOST on social media when he used to thirst trap us every 45 seconds and then he drops Blow, the slut anthem of our generation? Jackson did you date a Scorpio again? Sleep deprived just home from the ER confession: Tae lip syncing First Class in that insta story seemed like a personal attack bc I love that song and my friends clown me about my inexplicable attraction to Jack Harlow at all times. Don't @ me I don't want be attracted to him.

Bisexuality isn't a choice, it's pride month.

I've been legitimately working 80 to 100 hour weeks between two jobs and commissions but rest assured, I'm still peeping my head into kpop to see what's going on.

Anyways if you stuck out this long, rambling, "I'm badly injured and have had three hours of sleep in two days and my mental stability is hanging by a thread" post, hello. How are you, lovelies? I hope your luck is at LEAST 100x better than mine.

I'm praying to all the gods that my mental health meds (which my psych is still adjusting dosages of) starts working overtime, because I'm an Aries/Scorpio and being unable to move around much and having to rely on others for help is my personal hell.

Have a lovely Saturday, stay safe, keep your chins up, and remember you're valid and beautiful and I see you and love you.

*also if you're double-jointed or have frequent sprains or dislocations with seemingly no cause, research ligament laxity or CTDS. My whole life makes sense now. Well, some of it. A not so fun fact: CTDS has a high percentage of sufferers who have complex PTSD.

[valkblue]

Lost and Found - Episode 1

"Tales of Clan Mudhorn" series

Word Count: 9k Rating: General Pairing: None (it's a story about friendship and duty) Summary: POV Din + unnamed OC (full multiPOVs later) — After leaving Nevarro, Din and the Child go on the quest for Jedi that the Armorer bestowed upon him. But how hard can it be to find one in the entire galaxy?! [This story takes place just a few months after the end of season one, and doesn’t connect with season two.] Warnings: a lot of fightings, killings (bounty hunter is a complicated profession...), violently shaking characters, Star Wars swearing... and in many languages on top of it.

A/N: Aaaaand here it is!!!! 🎉 Like I said, this story is a very different one, in a very different format. Each chapter is a full storyline, tied to the next (like the episodes of the show, really) to create an entire story which I call "Lost and Found" in my new series "Tales of Clan Mudhorn". This story is also tied to my previous text "The Foundlings", if you want to read more from me in this fandom. I will love you for it. And as alway, you can also find my stories on AO3, if you're more comfortable with reading and/or commenting over there. I will love you all the same. Anyway, have a huge fun reading!! 🙃

— The Lead

It was completely dark now. From the height of his rooftop, the hunter had seen the sun go down behind the outline of buildings. The wide crescent of the first moon, already up in the sky since at least the middle of the afternoon started to shine behind him. The other, a small blue one, was coming up. Its weak glow was no match for the lights of the city below.

But the hunter liked the night. It was his ally, his element, his sister, his mistress, whatever — you name it. On the heights of duracrete and metal, belly flat in the dirt and keeping an eye on a door through a scope, he couldn’t deny he was in his element.

In the scope of his rifle, there were only building fronts and passers-by — anonymous figures under the lights.

Pew! Pew!

Imaginary shots were fired, and nobody died — yet. The hunter snickered at the thought and tightened his grasp on his rifle’s grip, finger light on the trigger. He was bored senseless to wait, but it was part of the job. And this one payed well. The small internal feuds between underworld crime bosses always paid better. And here, it would only take him one shot to dispatch one at the expense of another. This way, he'd pocket way more than the price on their heads delivered through usual channels.

Leaving the Bounty Hunters' Guild — or betraying it, as they said — was the best decision he had made in a very long time. Well, that and to quit eating yobshrimps! It messed him up bad every time…

And the boss who hired him for this hit wasn’t kidding. This chick was giving him the chills! But he also kinda liked that.

Anyways! Back to business.

Some movement caught his eye by his target’s hideout. Returning to his sharp focus and the professionalism on which he had build his reputation, the hunter followed with his scope the exit of two bodyguards through that backdoor, the one he had stared at every detail through his crosshair to kill some time for the last hours. One of them, a big guy he had come across on ground level earlier while pretending to just be passing through, walked to the civilian airspeeder parked too close to the door. There was only one chance to take the shot, one narrow window to hit his target between the door and that speeder. Should he miss, the opportunity would be lost, and the element of surprise along with it. But, kriff, he was the best hunter — and sharpshooter — in the parsec! He wouldn’t miss. He never did.

Settled on the driver’s seat, the bodyguard revved the engines, ready to bounce off at the second his target was in the back cab. For now, the other guard stood in front of the ajar door, and the hunter guessed his target was just behind it. They had to suspect the danger… Why else would they be so cautious otherwise?!

Such big bads, and yet, they all quiver like preys… He smiled at the thought that despite all their power and influence, they were all equal in the crosshair of his rifle. He was death from above, the avenging finger on the trigger. He wasn’t quivering! He was their predator, a predator who finally caught a glimpse of the lekkus of his prey.

Right away, he adjusted his shot and his shoulder to keep a supple hand on his trigger; with a rifle like his, a slight pressure would be enough to make it fire. The boss left the cover of the door’s metal panel.

Something poked at the back of his head in a light pressure, stopping his finger on the trigger. There was a clicking sound but it wasn’t his rifle. In his scope, the target was climbing into the airspeeder’s cab — he had missed his window.

"Great," he muttered. "Now that you ruined my day, care to tell me why?"

The hunter didn’t turn around just yet; he wasn't exactly eager to look a blaster’s barrel straight in the eye. They weren’t intimate enough to be that forward yet…

"You’re coming with me," a voice answered, vocoded like those banthabrain troopers.

Though the voice was calm, it wasn’t any less threatening. One of those masterless Imps was probably working for the one he was about to take down. He figured  he would likely be interrogated about his employer.

"No, no, no, pal," the hunter retorted. "Don’t know who you are or who you work for, but I’m here for a job, andI can still make it at the cross of Main Avenue and Sea Side if I run fast. And boy, do I run fast…"

Still, he swallowed hard when the barrel pressed harder.

"I ain’t goin' nowhere until the job’s done."

"That makes two of us," the voice replied, in the same tone.

The airspeeder flew away in an agile curve towards the traffic. Even if he was fast, he’d never catch up with it. He was knee deep in poodoo…

"Dank farrik…" he grumbled, laying his forehead on his arm, and to move the back of his head away from the barrel’s threat.

Silence followed. He didn’t feel any movement behind him.

"Can I… at least, pack my rifle, or…?"

He only heard the click of the blaster in response.

"I'll take that as a yes…"

The hunter swallowed again. Painfully. Here again, he would only have one chance — a single, thin chance to turn around and unload the ready shot in the face of this trooper guy. And making such a close shot with a sniper rifle was never easy. He tried once… And because he was that bold and daring, he was still here to tell the tale.

He unmounted the scope with slow, deliberate moves, not risking to throw a single glance behind his back, and to try this guy’s patience too, to push him to make a mistake, or at least to be less focused. The hunter removed the bipod even though he could have simply folded it. He caught a glimpse of the guy, or rather of the street lights' reflection on his armor. He twitched but carried on with his plan; taking the rifle back in his hands, he rolled on his back in an agile move, barrel aimed at the guy’s head. It wasn’t a trooper’s helmet that he was facing now, it was a Mando’s.

The guild had put a bounty on his head?! Could they not be sore losers at least once?!

The sole of the Mando’s boot kicked the threat of his barrel aside, and the shock knocked the weapon out of his hands. The rifle clattered on the ground in a pitiful bounce, and the sharpshooter raised his gloved hands in a sign of reddition, faced with the barrel of the blaster pointed back on him. Now, he really was knee deep in poodoo…

"Hey, um… I had to try, ok? You… you don’t know who I’m workin’ for and-and… they won't take the… the job not bein’ done lightly, y’know?!"

He only met silence in response.

"C’mon…" he almost begged.

With a quick move, the Mando threw a pair of binders on his stomach.

"Put them on."

He held back from making some dirty joke about everyone’s kinks and complied, pawing without looking to take the binders the right way around. It was his turn to shake a little, not particularly out of fear — or maybe it was? He closed one of the cuffs on his wrist, then on the other. The things were tight enough to make it hard to break free from them. If he could manage to give that Mando the slip, he knew a guy here that could open these binders like flowers. After that, he would only have to disappear for a while. And with the down payment he had already received, he could afford a comfortable hideout. All wasn’t lost yet!

"Well," the hunter uttered louder to hide the shaking in his voice. "Now that we’re all cozy, what’s on the menu?"

Hopefully not yobshrimps… The Mando brutally grabbed him by the collar of his jacket to yank him up to his feet.

Oftentime, Din had to walk for a while to get back to his ship. With or without quarry. The effort never bothered him, though; he liked to walk. But now, it felt to him as if the sniper rifle was weighting heavier and heavier in the bag at the end of his arm, and that the distance between them and the spaceport was stretching with each step, with each word coming out of this man’s mouth and his sorry attempts to distract him, and run away. Maybe Din did need a bit more than a couple hours of sleep per hyperspace jump, after all…

He’d bring this quarry to the Guild’s quarters where he was expected and take a bit of rest. Four hours of sleep should do the trick. He rarely slept for more than six, anyway. And, for now, his last trail to find one of those Jedi, somewhere is the whole galaxy had only ended in a bitter failure and a few close calls in the underworld which had cost him almost a couple months and a good part of the credits he still had.

That’s why he had been forced to slow down for a bit on one of those planets where he knew the Bounty Hunters' Guild was operating to pick that guy’s puck and a few others. That one was the last on his list, the one that had taken him the longest to track down, but also the one for which he’d be paid the most. And he badly needed the credits. The kid needed to be fed, the ship needed fuel, and himself needed intel. And, the price of said intel was sometimes much steeper than the rest.

And as they were finally entering the spaceport’s area, his quarry started to sound desperate.

"C’mon!" he insisted as he turned to him, walking backwards on the vast section of landing pads where other ships were blocking out the pale glare of tall lightpoles. "How much they payin’ you for this? Four thousand credits? Five thousands?"

But Din didn’t say anything. He never told them anything. Like all those before him, it was better to let him wear himself out without answering. Giving them the slightest impression to be listening only encouraged them to talk even more.

"They can’t be paying you ten thousand creds for someone like me!" he replied to his silence. "Not that I wouldn’t be worth it, though. Their rates just ain’t fair. But you wouldn't waste your skills and time on pin-money, amarite?"

As he was slowing down, gaze intently scanning their surroundings and the coming and going of the spaceport’s personnel, Din shoved him ahead with a strong push.

"Ok, ok," he grumbled.

And with an even stronger grasp on his left arm, he pulled him along to the landing pad where his ship was waiting, between two lightpoles and a now available spot.

"Y’know, that’s what the problem is with the guild. Too many middle men. They talk you in with how much more legitimate they make the business for you, about how the law is on your side, blah blah blah… but in the end?"

He shrugged.

"They’re just makin’ more creds than you’ll ever be. That’s why I turned on ‘em, y’know? Because they really ain’t payin’ you for what you’re worth."

Pressing on one of his vambraces, Din commanded the opening of the port hatch of the ship and steered his quarry toward the ramp. He resisted a bit, stiff on his legs. They all more or less were, at this point of their procession.

"I bet I would have made more money with that shot I was about to take than you’re gonna be makin’ in the end. A real shame…"

He pushed him forward to walk on the ramp as it was barely reaching the ground. Din climbed right after and ordered the hatch to close before even getting inside the ship’s hold, not even taking his eyes off his quarry. The latter froze when his eyes met the twisted faces inside carbonite slabs on their racks.

"Oh, kriff, we… we’re crowded in here…"

He turned around to Din.

"Hey, tell you what!"

With both bound hands, his quarry gestured to the sniper rifle he was still holding.

"You free me and my rifle, we go back there, we take that guy down together and I’ll give you more than they’d be payin’ you for bringin’ me in, uh? How about that?"

Din dropped the rifle’s bag near the ladder to the upper deck; he’d deliver it with his quarry. And if they didn’t want it there, he’d add it to his arsenal later, if he just didn't decide on sell it for a few credits more. In front of him, his quarry was starting to grow agitated, restless. And so was Din. He grabbed him by the arm and dragged him along to the carbonite pod.

"No, no, man, c’mon!"

Din pinned him down inside, far from gentle, eliciting a painful grunt from the quarry who struggled despite the binders, moving his arms and kicking. Din stifled a groan when his heel hit him straight in the thigh without plate, lost in the E-WEB battery’s explosion in front of Nevarro’s cantina.

"And-and that… that wasn’t even the best payin’ job they were offerin'! But I-I just didn’t really feel like I was the right caliber to take down those Jedi guys, y’know?"

Din kept him in place in the pod and clenched his fist on the zipped collar of his black jacket.

"But a hunter like you, on the oth—"

"You said Jedi?"

His quarry’s face brightened up.

"Ahh… Interestin’, innit? Well, lemme tell you a thing or two about that."

He tried to straighten up in the pod but Din’s grasp kept him in place.

"Ok, ok…"

He rolled his shoulders to find his comfort against the hard wall of the carbonite pod.

"Th-there’s an underworld bounty on Jedi goin' on these days, the… the Hutts are back at it again, apparently. They… Y’know how they’re like, right? Those guys like to put all sorts of creatures and folks in their fighting pits… Folks against creatures even. And I-I can hook you up with one of my former bosses, if you want to play that game."

Din freed his collar and his quarry smoothed out the creases of his jacket as well as he could with his bound fists which he then let down in front of him.

"So, what say you? We’re a team?"

Din took a simple step backwards.

"Thanks for the tip."

And he pressed on the pod’s command, freeing the carbonite fumes which froze his quarry in a satisfied grin. Din had a new lead to follow now. He’d catch some sleep later.

The Crest’s landing gears touched down smoothly on the Nuth industrial starport's landing pad. Nuth was one of the moons of the gas giant Gorroth, on the southern border of the Hutt Space. For the moment, the moon was in its night rotation. And it would remain so for several more standard months. Din hoped his business here wouldn’t take him that long.

The credits of his last bounties in his pocket, he had immediately taken off to follow this unexpected lead. The last time he had been here, the moon was in its day cycle, Din’s mood as bad as the company he kept, and it was precisely said company that he intended to pay a visit to again.

If things hadn’t changed too much here, he knew who he could ask for intel about this underworld bounty… And in places like this, a lone city built around its industry and finding its rhythm in the extraction and treatment of tibanna gas, things didn't change all too much.

He cut the engines and silence returned to the ship’s cockpit, only lit by the startport’s floodlights through the viewport. Din swiveled his seat to face the child, strapped on the passenger one on his right; his big black eyes stared at him in curiosity.

"Ok," he told him in a soft voice. "Here we are."

He let out a brief sigh.

"Let’s hope it won’t get out of hands this time…"

Din stood up and untied the child from his seat to take him in his arms, and get down in the hold. There, he settled him in his berth; the child grumbled a few light sounds, not really a protest, and with a single pressure on his vambrace's keypad, Din opened his weapon locker. The doors separated and the inside lit up on its rack, neatly displayed. If Din could sometimes be a little untidy and lenient with the mess concerning things he deemed harmless and unimportant, he wasn’t when it came to his weapon locker and what was in it. A few blasters, ranging from simple DL-18 and other modified sidearms to a V-10 blaster rifle, explosives, thermal detonators, cartridges, all sorts of ammo… Even a good ol’ slugthrower.

He hadn’t kept his quarry’s sniper rifle; the magistrate had reclaimed it to add it to the case’s file. But Din wouldn’t need all that today. He would only take his usual gear, and replenish his utility belt with a handful of detonators. Not that he thought he’d need them as soon as he’d come down the ramp, but it was simply a habit to check his equipment when he knew he was in hostile territory. Or about to enter it.

Din checked his vambraces and replaced a few cartridges in the hoops of his bandoleer under the watchful gaze of the child he felt weighting on him, even behind the locker's door. With the tip of his gloved fingers, he touched the fabric of his pants on his thigh, where this part of his armor was missing. He had lost pieces of his armor before but the feeling of it was always so strange to him… Din clutched his fist and just shot a quick glance at his boot. His vibroblade was in place, tucked in his shin guard, and his blaster full; he would only have to strap his amban rifle in his back before leaving. For now, he’d have to take the time of a few words with the child.

He took one of the small metal cannisters from the supplies locker and a pack of ration bars which he carried to the berth. The child opened wide, hungry eyes and he extended a hand while babbling a few sounds Din had since learned to recognize as enthusiasm.

"Listen, Kid…"

And the child tore his focus from the pack of rations to blink his big, black eyes.

"I’m going to talk to another contact," Din explained as he broke the cannister’s seal and unscrewed it before tucking it in a corner of the bunk within reach of the child. "It’s gonna be dangerous outside. I can’t take you with me, not this time."

His big ears shivered when Din opened the rations' pack; if he wanted to keep his attention, he knew he’d better be done talking before handing them to him.

"You must help me protect you by doing what I tell you, ok?"

A long woooh was his only answer.

"You stay in here. You stay put…"

It was more or less what he had already told him last time, before landing on the Roost. And if this Devaronian hadn’t been so antsy, the berth would probably have remained closed for the entirety of the mission, and the child would have stayed safe. Safer, at least. And Din was sure he would have followed his orders, that he understood — even partially — how important his compliance was and how grave the situation was as well. He hoped he’d understand, and obey, this time again. Even more so when he lowered his long ears with a sad quaver, and flopped down.

"Good."

And Din rewarded him with the ration pack. Right away, his big eyes brightened up and his little fingers grabbed the package with a hungry purr.

"You’ve got food and drink here," Din continued, well aware that the child already didn’t have the same attention for him anymore. "Get comfortable. Even if it shouldn’t take too long. Hopefully…"

He wouldn't bet on that just yet.

The child had already pulled a bar from the package and had crunched a good half of it off in one bite.

"Stay here," he insisted, more for his own peace of mind than anything else, wagging his finger. "Stay…"

No answer from the child other than a blink of his big eyes and squelching sounds as he was already gobbling the other half of the bar. Din sighed briefly and reluctantly closed the berth.

The Crest sealed behind him, Din left the starport and walked down the main street, on the civilian side. Without having someone on the inside, there was no way he could get past the gate and the sentries’ vigilance on the industrial side of the starport. No need to foolishly catch any unwanted attention. He would soon draw enough eyes as it was, under the neons and lightpoles lining up in every street, like a vain attempt to simulate daylight.

At the angle of the cantina, still the same he had always known, he would find a narrower link where only landspeeders and speederbikes could go without risking to catch onto cables and whatnot, hanged between the buildings' dirty fronts. It was still a fairly busy street with plenty of stores and apartment buildings where many of the surrounding factories' workers lived.

On the chrono, it was only lunch time and the street was bustling with activity; workers were busy filling potholes in the road, drenched with the overflowing water of a sewer drain, or scratching the rubbles of a perfect square that once used to be the lucrative workshop of a mechanic, while none of the noise, dirty water or dust seemed to disturb the street food stalls and their patrons.

As he expected, Din attracted eyes too — or rather his armor did, under the colorful and harsh lights gleaming on it. He could notice the faint halo himself, following his steps, shimmering on the wet road. A Duros bumped into him without even trying to avoid him.

"Chess ko, wermo!"

But Din kept going. And so did the Duros. A few meters and a few more dodged passers-by later, the street widened in a crossroad where Din turned to the left. The factory was a bit further ahead, where it had always been, towering above the crooked roofs of the buildings bordering the alleyway. The gate was wide open for freight vehicles and its lit-up barrier was lowered. But that wouldn’t be how Din would get in either. If he’d get in at all…

He walked around the thick walls with their rusted fencing that enclosed the area, then walked on a few meters more in a much darker back alley. A bit farther ahead, the wall raised higher, pierced by air vents' grates, then by a metal door with chiped paint, above which hanged a single lamp brown with filth.

With a glance, Din spotted the security imager, still in the same spot. That was a good sign. He made a confident step in its range and the gatekeeper droid sprung out of the wall — "H’chu apenkee."

For all answer, Din faced the door and knocked on it with two slow bangs of his fist. Then, he stepped back. It used to be a signal a few years back, some kind of password before the password… And should the boss have changed, Din would only look dumb. But he could live with that.

He could also have simply let him know he was coming, and be sure from the start that his contact was still here, still active, and still in the good dispositions in which he had left him, but Din didn’t want to do the same mistake as with Ran again, and take the risk to find himself roped in another situation he would rather have avoided. To put it simply.

A heavy bolt was pulled behind the door which then opened in a low creak on a large Nikto who gauged him from head to toe with a slow groan, as low as the door’s. Then again, as he anticipated, Din didn’t recognize him.

"I’m here to speak to Wes."

"Who’s askin’?"

"An old friend."

If Wes wasn’t managing this place anymore, Din would know soon.

"He’s busy."

And this inadvertent validation of his expectations encouraged him. As the doorman was starting to close the door on him, Din held it open with a swift move, the flat of his gloved hand slamming on the metal.

"Tell him an old friend still needs more blood to polish his armor…"

And faced with the doorman’s grumpy silence, he added:

"He’ll understand."

The turnkey engaged in a staring contest with his visor and Din didn’t move an inch. A long second passed and, finally, the turnkey grumbled before stepping back. Din let him close the door behind him. The bolt didn’t move back in place. That, too, was a good sign. He took a deep breath and released it slowly.

Maybe he had gotten used to all those recent failures that had punctuated his quest for Jedi but things seemed too simple and, ironically, made him nervous. The door reopened, even more groaning than the first time, and the doorman invited him to enter with a tilt of his head. Hand close to his blaster, Din followed inside the gatehouse.

The doorman escorted Din inside the main building. There, he could notice that some changes had been made; the place was still a carbon-freezing facility, one of those in charge of solidifying tibanna gas in carbonite slabs for their transportation, but everything seemed to have benefited from some improvements not so long ago.

Din could see some vats looked newer than others, and an entire shiny-new plumbing network was running along the dirty grey walls. There were only a few workers still on shift at this hour, and as many droids to help them in their tasks.

The doorman motioned him to follow up some metal stairs raising above the main room, to a floor of platforms that some of the tallest vats were piercing through, and walked up to a room with a long one-way window. There, he knocked on the door.

"Yeah, yeah, um… Come in!"

The doorman activated the door’s which slid open on a simplistic office; a few storage cabinets, two pillars framing another door, an old desk, two seats and, coming to meet them, a paunchy man with only a crown of short hair left on his head. There was fear in his brown eyes, but Din remembered that there had always been.

"Ah, Mando!" he greeted him. "What a surprise!"

"Wes…"

And facing that answer, Wes cracked a wide, tensed smile.

"Thank you, Vintoon," he told the doorman. "You… you can leave us."

He waved him away as he nodded. The lack of hair on his forehead made it look larger and it was bringing out the thin sheen of sweat glistening there under the cold lights. The doorman grunted in compliance before staring at Din a bit longer, and then leaving. The door closed behind him and Wes chuckled, nervous. Forren Wester had never been an example of bravery but, contrary to his factory, he didn’t seem to have improved with age.

"I can’t believe it’s you!" he cheered, pointing at him. "How long has it been?!"

This question didn’t really call for an answer; Wes knew it very well. And Din wouldn’t answer anyway. Wes glanced at the window through which the platform and the main room could be seen from his office, and he pressed on his forehead as if to chase a headache when his gaze went back on Din.

"Please, sit!" he invited him.

Din hesitated, his eyes lingering on the second door, then lifted the metal clip of his rifle to sit down. Wes rubbed his hands, seemingly embarrassed, and sat too.

"Is that new hardware I see?" he asked. "Bounty business must be paying good out there!"

"Tibanna shipping too…"

With a simple tilt of his helmet, he indicated the facility through the window on his left.

"Oh, you noticed? You always had a keen eye under that thing, right Mando?"

Once again, he chuckled as he rubbed his hands.

"Well, yes!" he continued. "Things are going swell for me these last spins. Better than they went for poor old Ran, that’s for sure! Did you hear?!"

Din gritted his teeth.

"We… kinda went our separate ways."

Wes smacked his lips.

"Ah, I know that," he commented "He was so mad at you and… and everything when you dropped the crew."

He stiffened and added right away:

"I mean, I understand! Business was low at the time and, um…"

He stopped to finally admit, like a secret:

"Truth is, he had such a hard kriffing time to find you a worthwhile replacement!"

He shrugged and sat back in his seat.

"Last I heard, he recruited some ex-military guy, a hot head with guns."

His jaw clenched, Din didn’t move a muscle; he had met the guy. But Din knew the stories of the past. What he was more interested in, however, was to know how the intel could have reached Wes from the shadow station. There was indeed a few simple explanations… But also the possibility that Ran could have reported it in person. So, he asked:

"What happened to him?"

"Oh, yeah, right!" Wes exclaimed, back on tracks. "One of my guys who was shipping to them told me that the Republic found the Roost and… and blasted him with it!"

He shook his head and pressed on his forehead again.

"Rotten luck what happened to him… The whole sector is under surveillance now and, um, my guy, he barely got out without a scratch!"

"Did anyone survive?"

Honestly, Din hoped the answer would be no. Wes shrugged.

"No… Not that I know."

Jaw clenched, Din let the sudden silence linger.

"Anyway, what brings you here?" Wes inquired, on a lighter tone.

Then, Din would get straight to the point; he wanted to have left Nuth as soon as possible.

"Do you know anything about an underworld bounty on people called Jedi?"

Wes rose his eyebrows and joined his hands in front of himself on the desktop. For the first time and despite his surprise, he looked relaxed.

"Yeah, I-I heard about that. It’s very hush-hush! Why?"

"It piqued my interest," Din simply said. "And I want in for the specifics."

"I’m surprised you’re back on underground jobs. Why is that?"

"Catching bail jumpers gets old after a while," Din replied, reconnecting just enough with this testy version of himself — the only version that Ran, Wes and the others had known. "I’m looking for challenges…"

Those words elicited an honest laugh from Wes.

"Of course you are!"

From relaxed, Wes even became confident.

"Sadly, I don’t really know much."

What Din knew however was how much Forren Wester liked to play hard to get when he had or knew something of value, or at least useful to other people’s business. Din tilted his head, intently, to make him talk.

"Alright, alright," Wes purred, almost eager to speak. "Don’t look at me like that!"

He leaned forward a little, his hands still joined on the desk.

"It’s a high pay job, very select," he revealed, but it was no surprise. "And the handler doesn’t feel like having that intel on the streets too much, you see?"

Waiting patiently, Din didn’t answer to that.

"I know about it just because he and I are kind of, um… business partners, of sorts."

And as Din didn’t ask, he told him anyway, as if to force his interest:

"A few of my workers make some nice more creds by fighting in his arena…"

He nodded and fell silent, giving time for Din to make a comment. He didn’t like to involve someone else, someone he didn’t know, in his search; it was the best way for things to go wrong, again. And his last face to face with a client had caused the extermination of his covert and the mission to deliver this foundling, his foundling, to the Jedi. But now, he didn’t really have a choice either.

"I want to meet him."

That wasn’t the answer Wes expected either, of course. He frowned and reclined in his seat.

"Well, I’m afraid you, Mandos, don’t have a great standing with my Hutt friends," he retorted.

"A job is a job… And I don’t care about the hand that gives the credits."

And it was still true, not so long ago.

"Aaah," Wes let out, slamming the palms of his hands on the desk with a wide smile that briefly dissipated the fear from his eyes. "That’s the Mando I know!"

He chuckled again, satisfied, and added:

"Alright… in memory of Ran and the good ol’ days, I’m gonna help you with your lil’ thing!"

Din was sure Ran would love the tribute…

The place Wes had given him the address of was bearing a sign identifying it as a training hall, and that in three languages; Huttese, Basic and Gamorrese. Din only spoke two of them, more or less, but he wouldn’t need that many to get through the front doors. Wes had told him to go there, and tell the doorman he was coming from him to speak to the Handler. He would have informed his associate himself beforehand.

"Wes sent me," Din simply stated. "I’m expected by the Handler."

With a simple nod, the doorman stood up from his chair to guide him across the hall, and walked in front of him inside a vast room where two large guys were warming up, following the directives of their coach, a Zabrak woman built like Cara. He followed the doorman up to a small room, open on two guys looking bored over a game of sabacc.

"A new guy from Wes," the doorman said, as a terse introduction.

The two players gauged him from his helmet to his boots and one of them let out a slow mmh, almost disgruntled. He left his cards face down on the desk to take his comlink.

"He’s here, boss."

At least, it looked like Wes’ message had indeed preceded him. On the other end of the comlink, a man’s voice answered:

"Does he look like the real deal?"

"Yeah, yeah," the guy answered. "He does."

Despite growing increasingly annoyed by the minute, Din didn’t say anything, patient.

"Let’s see what he’s all about…"

Then, the guy stood up, gesturing at the console behind him and telling Din:

"Step in front of the holo, he wants to see you first."

But Din didn’t move right away, looking around at the room with no distinctive features, or colors.

"So?" the guy hurried him.

Din made a reluctant step towards the console. The sensor lit up quickly, and in its turn, scanned him for head to toe. A brief silence followed, enough to increase Din’s annoyance a little more.

"Let him in," the Handler then stated through the comlink. "Entry 2."

He didn’t like all these manners but he complied with them, without a word, without letting any of his mood show. The two guys escorted him out of their office and in a long hallway downward, lined with green neons, at the end of which stood nothing but a wide double door. It bore a pattern painted green, probably because of the lights, and a darker number. One of the two guys pressed on the command panel on the side and the doors opened on a much larger room, its dark floor and walls generously lit by spotlights.

Just enough time for Din to make that simple observation that he felt the two bouncers of the Handler grab him brutally; he balked against them but they held good and took his blaster and his rifle before shoving him in the large room with a strong push. Din spinned around to retaliate with the weapons he still had as the door sealed shut on their satisfied grins.

Not waiting any longer, Din tried to reopen the door but found no way to activate it from the inside. He would have to find another way out. With a quick glance, Din assessed his surroundings; the black walls were rising up, complete with high glass panels on the upper, open floor, lit with colorful neons.

He had been thrown in an arena.

And for now, he was alone in there, under the gaze of four spectators, standing behind the glass upstairs. One of them spoke to him, his voice carried through speakers, when Din made a step towards the center of the arena, all his focus and rage aimed at them.

"So. Tell me, Mando…"

The Handler, Din figured.

"Is your kind as good fighters as the stories claim?"

Din would have been tempted to dare him to come down so that he could provide him with a demonstration but said nothing of it. Too brash. He would need to stay focused and to channel all his anger into something really useful, like finding another way out. The glass panels were too high for his flamethrower to reach anyone behind but two of the four walls were pierced with the same doors as the one in Din’s back. And without jetpack, he would have to get through one of these doors one way or another.

"Wes is in this?" Din asked instead.

"Oh no!" the Handler assured, looking almost shocked by the suggestion. "He actually wanted me to send you on that bounty!"

One of the guys in the stands with him chuckled. But the Handler, however, wasn’t laughing. Even if there was a bit of snark in his tone when he continued:

"He said you were the best, that you were — and I quote — good for business!"

Din watched the frames of the doors, even from the center of the arena from which he hadn’t moved. No way to open those from the inside either. Thermal detonators would do…

"But, you see," the Handler went on. "The thing is… I don’t think that karking bounty is worth anything. Jedi don’t exist anymore, it’s all just a wild bantha chase! I don’t know why the Hutts keep going on about this every once in a while!"

Teeth gritted, Din had to admit to himself that he didn’t like what he was hearing, neither did he like the turn that the situation was taking. But for now, his quest for Jedi wouldn’t matter anymore if he was to remain trapped in here.

"What I think would be good for business on the other hand, is to lock you here, kill you, and strip you of your shiny shell."

Of course that’s what he was after…

"My only regret at this point is that nobody will be able to bet on that fight! But you will earn me a lot anyway."

This slip of the tongue restored some hope back to Din; he wouldn’t be put down from the stands like a beast, other fighters would enter the arena! So the doors would be reopened…

"He’s yours now, boys!"

The Handler and his companions left the stands. The doors behind Din slid open again and the two bouncers entered, his own weapons pointed at him. He felt a cold sweat running down his back at the idea of getting shot by his rifle, whether it was in shooting mode or in prod mode. He held out an arm, ready to torch them both, but the one with his blaster opened fire first. The bolt hit him square in the chest and he stumbled back under their snickers.

"Not so great warrior now, uh?"

In response, Din launched his whipcord in his legs and pulled quick on it; the guy fell backwards, his finger pulling the trigger of his blaster which flew from his hands when his back hit the ground, under a rain of sparkles from the exploded spotlight just above them.

"What the…"

The other quickly aimed the rifle at him. Din’s muscles stiffened and he rolled over on the side to avoid a shot which didn’t come; only the two prongs crackled with furious electric arcs. The guy grumbled, and Din didn’t lose that chance to charge. Up on his feet in an agile bounce, he grabbed the weapon’s breech with one hand and the guy’s wrist with the other.

The man crashed his free fist in Din's helmet who gritted his teeth under the impact, even softened. The guy grunted louder, shaking his fist but still didn’t release the rifle Din was trying to rip from him with both hands. He couldn’t use his flamethrower to incite him to let go; he was too close. His rifle wouldn’t take the joke…

"Achuta!" the one on the floor yelled as he was standing up, stunned. "Hopa, ateema!"

He was calling for reinforcements. Din had to hurry; he traded a bit of his stability on his two legs to add a little more strength to his grasp by pressing his foot against the guy’s large thigh, and push him back while pulling. If he didn’t manage to take the weapon off his hands, he still succeeded at making him waver a bit.

Some of the other doors slid open to let in two Gamorreans, each heavily armed, one with a short spear and the other with a mace. Then, Din changed tactics; he yanked the guy’s arm in the direction of one of the Gamorreans — the one with the spear — and stuck his thumb in the arc of the trigger.

POOF!

The Gamorrean disappeared in a whirl of matter and dust, and his weapons clinked on the ground.

"Hu?!?!"

The guy’s astonishment weakened his arms and Din ripped the rifle from his hands right away. No time to aim; he slammed the flat of the stock straight into his face and the guy fell backwards. Then Din only had the time to turn around at the sound of a guttural growl of the remaining Gamorrean to take a hit of the mace in the side. The armor absorbed most of it even though the shock and the pain still knocked the breath out of him, sending him stagger until his back hit the closest wall. The Gamorrean charged and Din stuck the prongs of the rifle in his ribs. The blue arcs extended on his green skin and he tripped over in a plaintive yelp.

"Keepuna!" — PEW!

A blaster bolt nearly hit Din as the door through which he had come in opened again to let in a Zabrak and three henchmen behind the bouncer who had picked up his blaster. One of the henchmen charged in his direction and Din managed to push him back with another hit of the rifle used as a staff in the guts.

Himself thrown off balance by the strength of the attack, he only narrowly dodged another shot from the blaster which brushed his helmet. This one was his priority now… The Gamorrean who was coming back to his senses was second on his list. The two other henchmen jumped on him, one trying to disarm him, the other to hit him but Din withstood the assault as well as his armor.

With a kick in the naked shin of his opponent, he sent him face first on the floor and maneuvered his still disputed rifle to drag the other guy into the line of fire of the one armed with his own blaster. The latter held his shot and Din pushed the guy back with a kick in the stomach, and pulling on the rifle. The man stumbled backwards, bumping into the shooter.

BING! The metallic impact shook Din entirely, nudging him forward on a few steps. The Zabrak had picked up the disintegrated Gamorrean’s short spear, and wasn’t pulling any punches against his backplate. He was obviously aiming lower but Din threw himself to the floor to avoid a second hit which swung wide in the air until scratching the arm of the second Gamorrean. This one cursed and violently backhanded the face of the Zabrak who went bouncing against the black walls of the arena.

Again, Din launched his whipcord on the one that was still aiming at him with his blaster; with another quick pull, he yanked the guy who tripped forward, dropping the blaster which slid right up to Din. He grabbed it as the furious Gamorrean and the two henchmen were already charging at him, and aimed upwards.

PEW! PEW!

The spotlights died in a rain of colored sparkles. Surprise slowed the attacks in the arena, now plunged into impractical darkness. Only a few neons in the stands were still casting a bit of light in crisscross at the center of the arena. With a touch on the side of his helmet, Din switched to heat vision, making out his opponents in shapes and gradients of warm colors.

"Where are you, fierfek!?" one of them grumbled.

A provocation to which only the Gamorrean answered. A few shadows and shapes were still visible even without thermal sight and, quickly, they all identified each other as enemies, grunting and swearing to be aiming at the wrong targets. Blaster in his holster, Din remained silent, unmoving at first. Then he made a step, then a second towards the closest target — the Zabrak. Turning around, arms extended, this one brushed him.

"Is that you, Drai'?" he inquired, unsure.

"I’m here!" the one named Drai' protested.

"Uh…"

Din grabbed him by the shoulder and headbutted him out cold. So hard that his HUD shook for a split second. He collapsed in a muffled oomph. Immediately, all rushed to his position. ZAP!

He shocked one, then another, hitting with his rifle's butt at head’s height those he couldn’t take the time to zap, and avoiding a violent slap from the Gamorrean by jumping backwards. Aiming the lower back, he zapped him in his turn. The Gamorrean let out another yelp with a whack that almost took the rifle from Din’s hands. But he held tight. Stunned, the Gamorrean wasn’t a threat any longer.

So, Din bent over to feel the wrist of one of the guys groaning on the ground, then the other’s, and he found what he was looking for; a bracelet as large as a chrono. Din tried one of the buttons, then another and finally, one of the double doors opened in a brief hiss — the cage was open.

With hurried but confident strides, Din left his opponents on the floor and, dismissing his own pains, he left the arena to walk up the green neon hallway.

It hadn’t been too hard for Din to find a way upstairs, walking past the office where the doorman had taken him; the cabin of a lift tube took up a portion of the wall beside a stairwell. One was labeled "stands" and the other "lounge". Both in three languages, yet again.

Din pushed the lift’s button and the doors opened on a cabin lit with a harsh yellow light. With one heavy step, he entered and commanded his way up with an unnecessarily strong punch on the button. The doors closed on him and the lift went up right away.

At this point, the only thing Din was still hoping for was that no signal would waste the element of surprise upstairs. Just to be sure, he whipped his blaster out before the cabin stopped and its doors slid open on a simple but welcoming hall where two other guys, not very burly-looking, were keeping watch in front of an elegant door with geometrical patterns.

"Hey!" one of them growled, in Basic. "What are you—"

But Din was already on them, walking with purpose. He pistolwhipped one and, grabbing the other by the back of his neck, he knocked him out against the door — BLAM!

"Yeah, come in!" answered the Handler’s voice on the other side.

Din wouldn’t need to be told twice. He commanded the opening of the door and strode in, weapon in his clenched fist; the Handler was enjoying a drink in a comfortable sofa, an arm across the backrest and one leg resting on the other.

"Did you bring me the—OH DANK… FARRIK!"

He spilled his drink on his dark jacket as he fumbled to his two feet as Din was closing in on him.

"NO, NO-NO-NO!"

Din lowered the barrel on his blaster on him as the Handler was shaking his hands in a sign of reddition, walking backwards and desperately looking around for an exit. Another door, opposite the entrance, seemed to have all his attention, but Din caught him first and pinned him down on the caf table.

"OW!" the Handler howled. "Ok, ok! I-I’m sorry!"

He was waving his hands in plain view in front of him on the table as Din’s fist clenched tighter on his collar. Cheek pressed against the glass surface, the Handler groaned and struggled a little.

"What can you tell me about that bounty on Jedi?" Din interrogated him, threatening.

"I-I don’t know anything!"

To stress out how serious he was, Din armed his blaster.

"Ok, stop! I told you, it’s all ronto scrag! My guys never found anything, e-even with the leads they had!"

Disappointment made him tightened his fist even harder.

"Loosen up a little, you won!” the Handler grumbled, not struggling so much anymore.

"Give me your lead on Jedi and I’ll be on my way."

"Hey, I’m not hiring you," he commented as an answer. "Why would you care about a lead if you won’t even get the bounty on it?!"

"I have my reasons."

And he jostled him a bit. It wasn’t really useful but it still shook the answer out of the Handler who quavered:

"On-Ontellar! The-the last I heard, one o-o-of my guys lost his trail around some… some ruins on Ontellar!"

He tapped with the flat of his hands on the table and swallowed so hard that Din felt it against his knuckles. He released his grasp and the Handler coughed a little, relaxing to the point of flopping on the side, one arm resting on the table. He massaged his throat and added in a croaky voice:

"I don’t know more than this… I-I told you, Jedi don’t exist anymore…"

He coughed again and grumbled a curse.

"Can-errr… Can I offer you a drink or something now?"

He coughed one more time, rubbing his throat:

"’Cause I definitely need another one."

Din let out a brief sigh, holstered his blaster, and left the Handler there to exit the lounge. He didn’t want to lose any more time now.

"If you’re tired to chase legends, you can still come back to me for a job," the Handled called out to him. "I’d make you richer than with that stupid bounty in just one evening in my arena!"

Last words on which Din closed the doors of the lounge behind him.

If this hunt for intel was going sideways a little, his ship, however, was at least still in place. Now, he hoped that the kid would have stayed still too. With a pressure on his vambrace, he commanded the opening of the port hatch, making it close right behind him. The inside was already lit up, and the berth open. The ramp finished to close as Din noticed that the kid wasn’t inside it any longer. With a sinking feeling, Din let his hand hover on the handle of his blaster.

"Hey, kid!" he called, more worried than severe.

With a glance, he scanned the inside of the hold without making another step.

"Ah-goo."

Din looked up to the upper deck hatch where two ears appeared before his big black eyes and his little fingers, gripped on the edge.

"What are you doing up there?" he asked him softly. "I told you to stay put."

The child only let out a series of calm sounds and, with a resigned sigh, Din extended his arms to take him back down. He gritted his teeth to ignore the lingering pain the mace had left in his side; a bit of rest and everything would be back in order. Or so he hoped…

The child let go of the edge to extend his small hands towards Din’s who grabbed him firmly under the arms, and took him in his.

"Well, it required more brawn that I expected," he told him, making a few steps in the hold. "But now, I have a new lead on those Jedi."

The child cooed to those words, his head tilted, and his big eyes blinking slowly.

"I’ve been told there may be one on 'Ontelar'?"

The Handler’s words still didn’t leave him in peace; wild bantha chase, lost the trail, Jedi don’t exist anymore…

"Now, we’re gonna have to check on this, and hope it wasn’t all for nothing."

For all answer, the child pulled a piece of ration bar out of his sleeve to hand it to Din’s visor. He cracked a smile under his helmet.

"Thank you," he told him, yet not taking the light brown square, a bit chewed off in a corner. "I do need a few of those, right now."

That, and a gallon of water. And why not sleeping an hour or two as soon as they’d hit hyperspace.

"But first, let’s get out of here…"

The kid lowered his arm and the bar with it, eyeing the thing as if he was contemplating the idea of eating it himself. Din wouldn’t hold it against him…

Gripping one hand to the rungs of the hatch’s ladder, Din rose the both of them to the upper deck where they went back in the cockpit. The child settled in one of the seats, he then sat at the controls and, in a few switches and a push of a shifter, he brought the ship out of its sleep, shaking in all its familiar, powerful vibration.

Din was very much eager to put as many parsecs as possible between Nuth and him.

Translation of Huttese: Chess ko, Wermo: Careful, idiot! H’chu apenkee: Greetings! Achuta! Hopa, ateema!: Hey! Help, now! Fierfek: general expletive Keepuna: Fire!

Masterlist: Tumblr Post / Tumblr chronological reading order Tag list: @hathorik @pheedraws @the-blind-assassin-12 @something-tofightfor

[kurorinde]

The Moonrise Chronicles | No. 1 | Pie w/ Pals

Hi friend! Welcome to the first (official) installment of The Moonrise Files! Tonight, I wanted to talk about some goals that I made for myself, with the help of some friends. We were at a Starbucks for a meeting and about to leave for choir practice, so I really just thought of these goals on the spot. I decided to take a look back at what I said and actually work on them. I figured, if it was something I thought of instantly, it must be of some importance to myself!

Without further ado, here are my goals!

1. Have more money (and pay my debts) I just started a new job a few weeks ago, and although it's only part-time and not in my field of study, it's working out really well for my goals (more on this later). I had my first "real world" paycheck and pretty much used it to pay back my family and friends (for all the boba we got over the summer) and put the rest in savings. This past year, I developed a slight shopping problem, and as soon as I started working, I decided that I had to be more responsible with my finances. Especially since I wanted to go on solo/friend trips in the future.

I'll start by saving 50% from each paycheck, and 25% for my travel fund. I also recently listened to a podcast episode by two pals from middle school who travel together frequently. Two things they mentioned that they stopped spending unnecessary money on were food and clothes. I've been pretty good about bringing my own lunch everyday, and I'm *cough* getting better *cough* at buying only clothes I need and will use a lot. I think the only thing that may possibly get me in trouble is the amount I spend (you guessed it) on bobaaa. 

2. Clean my room I did a deep clean right after I graduated and even rearranged my furniture. I've just been feeling the bug to Konmari again, especially my clothes. Last time, I was keeping most things only because it was all I had. But I think now that I know my style better (I also want to start dressing better), and I'm able to get my own stuff, it feels like a good time to look at what I have, what I need, and what I don't need.

Also, since I started working, I haven't been in my room much. So yea, things are piling up. 

3. Ride my bike and get better at baking  I put these two together because they're both hobbies that I want to pursue. I was actually supposed to ride my bike this morning, but since I'm still adjusting to a new sleep schedule, I woke up later than I intended. I'm hoping my work schedule becomes a little more consistent so I can better plan a time to bike every week. The place where I work has a few paths, so I hope to use them while I'm here.

As for baking, the picture at the top is the first pie that I made! I used the Buzzfeed Tasty recipe for apple pie and it's been well received. (My next photo post will be the 2nd pie that I baked.) I've been requested to make some love letter pies for our next meeting. Maybe I'll even confess 🙃 (I probably won't). 

4. Pass the FE exam Going back to why my job is perfect: It's in a department that I have genuine interest in (I was considering taking some Parks & Rec classes), and the schedule allows me time to prepare for my licensing exam and plan how I want to move within the company. I studied Civil Engineering and had a love-hate relationship with it, but I've just been following what I think best suits me. Sure, I felt a little like an imposter at graduation and when everybody already had "fancy" jobs right after college, but I'm slowly learning to be okay with my own timeline. I’m hoping that after I get some basic training/certs for the P&R side, I can start applying for some of the entry-level engineering positions and use that in helping me study for the FE.

5. 10 subs This one was kinda a joke. Like I said in my intro post, I used to have a YouTube channel which gained some traction right around the time I was winding it down.

This goal is more of a reminder to post by my own rules. Whether it's YouTube, Instagram, or even here. It's my reminder that, while I can be whoever I want to be online, I want to stay genuine, and that I don't have to pretend in front of real friends. 

6. Finish the projects that I started in 2021  I will finish my photo series. I will break my geode. I will finally sort all of my files.

I had a tendency to want to start something, take one step, and not finish. I will finish these projects. It's possible. Everything that I said goodbye to is in the past. It's done. I think I just need to stay focused. But also, when something isn't working out anymore, I should allow myself to give it a proper goodbye.

I think my overall goals are to be a responsible adult and a good friend. Because I was so worried about finding a job almost immediately out of college, I didn't allow myself time to reflect or take care of myself. I went months walking in circles around my mind because I felt that I had to meet everybody else's expectations.

Hopefully I'm active on this account and making progress. I really love writing and journaling, and I hope I reflect that on this blog.

Thanks for being here!

Love, Bobi

P.S. Should I do a separate post just for the photoset? Ask box is open!

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[destinyc1020]

"I thought it was Zendaya" LMAOO random people on twitter crack me up. But ngl Tom looks good as a woman lol🥰

also those jokes about Tom getting cast in everything annoy me bc he isn't really. it's just that he's getting cast in big productions but same thing with Timmy or Anya Taylor Joy and I don't see ppl being that pressed about it.

Unfortunately I feel like whatever he will do next in his career, ppl are gonna say "omg i'm tired of seeing his face in everything.." Getting cast as one of the biggest superheroes of all time has its good and bad too i guess.. Some close minded people will never see beyond him as Spider-Man when he's much more than that. A lot of times those same people are saying "I can't take him seriously he will always be peter parker in my eyes" but he literally started his career as a drama actor and is pretty solid in that area ? Anywayyyyy hope this will change in the future

🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️

Omg you're right lol. I actually thought that was a real woman! Silly me, I didn't even realize they were all Tom in the picture until I took a closer look lol 😅

But yea, Tom makes a pretty woman lol... which is odd to say lol. 😅 If he ever has daughters they'll be good I guess lol.

But yea, being cast on a blockbuster has its pros and cons for sure. I don't even think it's that he's been cast as Spider-man that's the problem. The problem is that MOST ppl didn't know who he was BEFORE Spider-man.... that's the problem lol.

If he had gotten super famous off of a hugely popular dramatic film, then ppl seeing him in Spider-man after that wouldn't have made much of a difference. 🤷🏾‍♀️

The problem is most ppl haven't seen his more serious works that he did BEFORE Spider-man, so they are always surprised when they see Tom in his more current serious films, and realize, "oh wow, this guy can really act".

If anything it's prob a compliment.🙃 I've never understood though when ppl say they can't see an actor as anything else other than a particular role. But then complain that they don't think that actor is good. I mean, if you can't see that actor as anything but Peter Parker, then that's already testament that they did such a convincing job, they you can't see them as anyone else lol. 😅 That's just weird to me though because actors are literally ppl who become other ppl all the time.

I'm sure as time goes by ppl will be able to separate Tom from Peter Parker. He will just need to do more roles. Other Marvel actors have done it. Tom can too. 🤷🏾‍♀️