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reunionatdawn · 8 months ago

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A Midsummer Night's Dream: Analyzing the Romantic Subtext of (Japanese) KH 358/2 Days

Day 94 ~Hearts~

Roxas: What are we fighting for? Axel: We're fighting for the greater Kingdom Hearts, didn't you see it today? Roxas: [...] Is Kingdom Hearts really that important? Axel: Hey, what are you talking about now? Roxas: But, since I don't have a heart, I don't really understand. Axel: Roxas... If you had a heart, you'd surely understand. That's why we're seeking hearts, right? Roxas: I see... That's right...

I will be using my own translations for most of this meta, because nuance is very often lost in the localization process. The mission for this day took place at the Beast's Castle. Roxas was intrigued that the Beast was personally fighting the Heartless even though he had servants. He had an important reason to fight, something to protect.

This only made Roxas question whether he had any good reason to fight Heartless himself. When he used the word "important" he used "大切な" (taisetsuna). It tends to emphasize emotional or sentimental value rather than practical importance. And in Japanese, it was a tiny bit more suggestive that Axel already knew why having a heart was so important. He already had his own reason to fight.

Day 94: The plan is proceeding smoothly, but... (Saïx) Thanks to Roxas and Xion, the wielders of the Keyblade, hearts have converged, and the great Kingdom Hearts has appeared before us. Our objective is being achieved. Every plan is proceeding smoothly. The fact that everything is going so smoothly is cause for concern, but perhaps I am overthinking it.

In both the Japanese and English versions, Saïx expressed paranoia about how smoothly the process of completing Kingdom Hearts was going. The phrase, "The course of true love never did run smooth" is one of the most famous quotes from A Midsummer Night's Dream. Essentially, the quote suggests that real love is not always easy or straightforward; it requires effort, perseverance, and the ability to overcome obstacles. This quote is relevant because there is evidence that the entire game's narrative was inspired by that play. It's similar to how Versus XIII was originally going to be inspired by Hamlet.

Day 96 ~Xion's Keyblade~

Axel: Oh, Roxas, are you going to Beast's Castle? I went to investigate yesterday, but those Heartless seemed pretty tough. He might have a hard time alone~. Saïx: Are you suggesting they both go together? Axel: I'm heading to Agrabah. Is that a problem? Saïx: Can you handle defeating the Heartless in Agrabah? Axel: It's fine. I'm strong enough.

The "~" is often used to indicate a trailing off or unfinished thought, similar to an ellipsis (...) in English. It suggests that the speaker is leaving the sentence open-ended or implying that there is more to say but chooses not to express it explicitly.

Axel: Heartless, why do they move so annoyingly? Thanks to them, I got hit. Roxas: Weren't you supposed to be strong? Axel: That's a separate issue.

I think it's more obvious in Japanese that Axel was trying to convince Saïx to let them go together by reminding him of some past situation when Isa relied on Lea in a similar way, leaving him to face a tough situation all by himself. The idea for Roxas to work twice as hard to make up for Xion's uselessness was Axel's idea, after all.

Xion: It's all thanks to Roxas and Axel. Axel: I didn't do anything. Xion: In the morning, you arranged for us to go on the mission together. Roxas: If it weren't for you, Xion might not have been able to reclaim her Keyblade. Xion: Thanks, Axel.

On Day 72 called "Change," Axel was bothered that Saïx didn't even seem worried about him while he was away at Castle Oblivion. And he did not thank him for doing his dirty work (even at the risk of his own life) when he returned. It was the first thing he mentioned. But Roxas and Xion thanked Axel profusely for his help. And it just seemed to make Axel very depressed.

Axel: How about a sea-salt ice cream? With that, this incident will be water under the bridge.

In English, Day 8 is the day Axel treats Roxas to ice cream and it is called "Icing on the Cake". In Japanese, it's called "ごほうび" (gohoubi). It means "reward" or "prize". It refers to something given in recognition of one's efforts or achievements, often as an incentive or encouragement. It's interesting because Axel didn't like the taste of sea-salt ice cream anymore. In the opening song, he grimaced when he first bit into it. He was only eating it due to its sentimental value.

Roxas: It would be nice if we could always be together like this. Axel: Where did that come from all of a sudden? Roxas: I was thinking it would be nice if every day, after our missions, the three of us could eat ice cream together and watch the sunset. Axel: Well, that's an impossible wish. After all, we're Nobodies.

Axel was pretty blunt here with his cynical outlook.

Pence: I wonder if we can always be together. Olette: I hope so. Hayner: Huh? What's with the sudden talk? Pence: Oh, just thinking. Hayner: Well, realistically, I doubt it. But that's just how it goes when you become an adult, right? What's important isn't how many times we meet, but how many times we think of each other.

Because he was already an adult.

Axel: What's important isn't seeing each other every day. It's more important to always think about each other, even when we can't meet. ...Got it memorized? Roxas: That doesn't suit you. Axel: Shut up.

In the DS version, after his blunt comment, Roxas and Xion lowered their heads. And it was only then that Axel changed his tone. When he used the word "important" he also used "taisetsuna". It would sound quite sentimental, so it's a bit out-of-character for him at this moment in the story. Axel didn't laugh along with Roxas and Xion when they started teasing him. Because his comment wasn't really directed at them. He had only known them a few months and didn't feel particularly sentimental towards them, at least not yet.

Day 96: Friends (Axel) Recently, I feel like I spend more time talking with Roxas and Xion than with my original comrade Saïx. So this is what having friends feels like.

That comment was said with Saïx in mind. On Day 75, Axel told Roxas and Xion that he didn't have a best friend. He used to. But they didn't have the same type of relationship they had as kids anymore. it had been so long since they had spent time hanging out and eating ice cream together that Axel forgot what friendship even felt like.

Day 117 ~Secrets~

(KH2 Novel) Naminé: Do you think Nobodies really don't have hearts? Who told Axel he doesn't have one? The heart—there are secrets that—

There were many "Secrets" being referenced on this day. The first was the secret of the heart, which Naminé alluded to in the KH2 novelization. This day showed how Axel had begun to grow a heart. He was annoyed that Saïx didn't knock, and he wanted him to get out of his room as soon as possible because it hurt to be around him.

Saïx: "The Chamber of Waking," contrasting with the "Chamber of Repose," holds a true purpose that Xemnas has not disclosed to anyone. Clues to this lie within the "Chamber of Waking." If we seize them, we can gain the upper hand, even concerning our objectives.

Saïx's main priority was completing Kingdom Hearts. But he didn't trust Xemnas and suspected that he had a secret agenda, which turned out to be true, as we saw in Dream, Drop, Distance.

Xion: When I sit here and talk with you guys… I get the strangest feeling… that a long time ago, I used to watch the sunset with somebody else. It's the same when I watch the sea. Someplace by the sea…where I hear the sound of the waves… I get the feeling that I was talking with someone. [...] You have memories, don't you, Axel? Axel: Well, sort of. Even if I do have them, they're not of any use at all.

Another secret was related to Xion's birth. Axel wanted to go to Castle Oblivion because he was curious about her origins. Xion remembered Kairi watching the sunset and telling Sora not to change. It was one of Sora's most precious memories and it was why Xion could awaken a heart. And it was also meant to depict Kairi's anxiety and loneliness over how, as we get older, we find a distance growing between us and our close friends. And that's something she had in common with Axel.

Day 118: What's Changed... (Axel) When I talk with Roxas and Xion, I often reminisce about my days as a human. Reflecting on various childhood memories, I find myself feeling inexplicably strange. I should be able to have such conversations with Saïx, but strangely, I don't feel inclined to do so. It's just a strange sense of nostalgia. It's not me who's changed... it's you.

Based on subtext, we can probably assume that Axel began to awaken a heart by spending time with Roxas and Xion because they reminded him of his childhood. Therefore, Axel's memories of the time he spent with Isa were implied to be his most precious.

Day 119 ~Accomplishment~

Day 119: Hearts and Emotion (Xaldin) Observing that foolish beast, one can see clearly how humans are often governed by trivial matters. It was precisely because we did not desire to be ruled by emotions that we chose to become Nobodies. It was much later that we realized the magnitude of that loss. While we understand that there are things that cannot be accomplished without a heart, emotions are still unpleasant.

The above quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream was spoken by the character Helena. It reflects the theme of love's unpredictability and irrationality that runs throughout the play. It suggests that the pursuit of love can often defy logical reasoning and that the dictates of the heart may not always conform to the dictates of reason.

Xaldin: If it's something he treasures, it means his heart is captive to it… When the heart is stolen, that becomes a weakness. Roxas: The heart is stolen…? I don't quite understand.

Once again, the word "大切" (taisetsu) was used, to indicate that the Beast fought so hard to protect the rose because he placed value on it for some emotional reason rather than for its practical utility. Xaldin's goal was to use the Beast's weakness to literally steal his heart and turn him into a Heartless. Idiomatically, to have one's heart stolen refers to intense feelings of romantic attraction or love.

Roxas: I understand what [the Beast] treasures now. Xion: What he treasures...? Roxas: But Xaldin said that could become his weakness. Xion: Can something valuable become a weakness? Roxas: I'm not sure... Xion: I wish Axel would come back soon...

Roxas and Xion figured that Axel would surely understand this concept and explain it to them. And in KH2, Axel was desperate to turn Sora into a Heartless, and he knew the way to do that was by targeting the person who stole his heart, which was Kairi.

Ansem's Report 4 Heartless are born from those who have their hearts stolen, and they proliferate by stealing them from other beings. What's stolen by the Heartless becomes the nourishment for creating new Heartless. While there's no certainty, I am confident in my theory. Let's verify it further by providing a large number of organisms. Furthermore, we must continue researching the behavioral principles of Heartless.

We can probably assume, based on the Ansem's Reports from KH1, that Xaldin and Axel both knew all about this principle because of their involvement in Xehanort's research as apprentices.

Ansem's Report 8 Heartless are naturally born from those who have lost their hearts. If we apply the principle of the heart, could we not synthesize them? Thinking so, I utilized the results of previous research to complete the device. When I tentatively activated it, the Heartless emerged without any problems. If we further improve this device, it may even be possible to generate them from nothing.

The experiment to generate Heartless using the device in the Heartless Manufactory was the topic of Ansem's Report 8 in KH1. During that experiment, the "principle of heart" was used.

Xemnas: The experiment to generate Heartless was an attempt to control the mind and abandon the ego. Even if we made one lose their heart that way, one could still harbor a heart in their body, which serves as a vessel.

And it's clearer in the Japanese version of KH3D that this Heartless-generating experiment was conducted for the purpose of creating a vessel. It's important to note that the word for "mind" is "精神" (seishin). It refers to the mind, spirit, or consciousness of a person.

(KH2 Novel) Saïx: How do you expect to protect anything when you've cloaked yourself in darkness? You sold your soul for power. Was it worth it?

"Seishin" can also mean "soul". While "soul" is a more metaphysical and spiritual concept in English, "seishin" encompasses both the psychological and spiritual dimensions of human consciousness in Japanese. During the experiment, the intended target was most likely Lea. Isa was probably just meant to be his weakness. But Isa probably sold his mind/soul for power in order to protect Lea. And that would most likely be the origin of his beastly berserker state, as well as why Isa became the vessel instead of Lea.

Day 150 ~Fear~

Xion: One more time... please! Saïx: We don't have that much time on our hands. It's clear you were just a failure, after all.

It's important to note that Saïx used the word "失敗作" (shippaisaku) here. It means "failure" or "failed work." Also, there was a slight change in the localization during this conversation. Saïx didn't say they couldn't afford to waste any more chances. He said they couldn't afford to waste any more time. It's subtle, but it's significant.

Xaldin: Ah… If something isn't done before that rose withers, it seems the curse he was placed under won't be lifted. Roxas: Come to think of it, the servant guy said our time left is short. Xaldin: …He did say that… The curse… the Beast's form… the rose… Hehehe… This could be useful.

In English, you miss out on the uncanny similarity between Saïx and the Beast. They're both cursed, they both wish to become human once more, and both are running out of time. The subtext implies that Saïx wanted to complete Kingdom Hearts because he wanted to love and be loved in return. For who could ever love a beast? Saïx even has a weapon called "Werewolf," a beast tied to the full moon.

Day 150: Handling Xion (Saïx) Is it about time the limit of the replica has been reached? I thought the plan was going smoothly, but ultimately, it's just a puppet… So, of course there's been a problem, after all. I completely fail to understand how this puppet can weigh so heavily on Axel and Roxas's minds. Perhaps we should also consider how to deal with Xion going forward.

"The course of true love never did run smooth". Saïx thought the plan was going smoothly, but of course, it's never so easy. Technically, they would be able to complete Kingdom Hearts with just Roxas. As long as they had one Keybalde wielder, Xion wasn't truly needed. Saïx was quite displeased that Axel was treating Xion as protectively as he used to treat him. And due to that, he wanted to dispose of her.

Roxas: Axel, is there something you don't want to lose? Axel: Something I don't want to lose? Why the sudden question? Roxas: I met someone today who has something they don't want to lose. It's something really precious to them. Xaldin said it could become their weakness. I don't have anything like that... Axel: Well, that's obvious since we don't have hearts. Roxas: Do you think so? For example, if we took away Demyx's sitar, he'd probably object. Axel: Well... I suppose that's true. Even without hearts, there are things we don't want to lose. In that case, for us Nobodies, the things we don't want to lose might be our past memories. Past memories create the things we don't want to lose.

The memories Roxas made since joining the Organization were all he had. That's what he couldn't bear to lose. But what Axel couldn't bear to lose were the memories of his past. His human days. On Day 117, he told Xion that his memories were of no use. He used the phrase "役にも" (yaku ni mo). It means "useful" or "helpful." It indicates that something serves a purpose in some practical way.

But again, the word "taisetsuna" was used, which tends to emphasize emotional or sentimental value rather than practical importance. We can probably conclude that what Axel couldn't bear to lose were his memories of Isa. Because Isa was what he was afraid to lose when he was a human. But since Isa changed, memories were all Axel had left.

Day 152 ~The Wrong Button~

"The lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact. One sees more devils than vast hell can hold: That is the madman. The lover, all as frantic." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

There exists a cultural belief that the full moon is tied to mood swings, also known as the "lunar effect" or "lunar influence". "Xion" sounds like "潮" (shio) which is the Japanese word for "tide". And it is the moon's gravitational effect that has an influence on the tides. Symbolically, it was fitting that Saïx was the one who triggered Xion's mood swing and caused her to doubt her purpose for fighting.

The quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream was spoken by Theseus. He suggests that lunatics, lovers, and poets are all deeply influenced by their imaginations. Their thoughts and perceptions are shaped by the creative and often irrational workings of the mind.

The lunatic perceives imaginary demons and threats that aren't present in reality. His mind is consumed by delusions and irrational fears. Similarly, the lover is described as "frantic," indicating that love can also be a state of heightened emotion and irrationality. The lover's imagination may lead them to idealize their beloved or perceive obstacles that aren't actually there.

Axel: ...Girls are complicated, you know. Roxas: How did you know I was thinking about Xion? Axel: Because you're simple, Roxas. Well, all Nobodies are simple, but... Roxas: Are humans complicated? Axel: More complicated than Nobodies, but girls are even more complicated.

Axel obviously thought that Roxas and Xion had a little lovers' spat. And since Roxas had slowly been developing some kind of feelings for Xion due to the influence of Sora's memories of Kairi, that's probably an accurate assumption. Axel just laughed it off because he thought Roxas's infatuation was making him act paranoid. Axel called Roxas "単純" (tanjun). It means "simple". It can be used to describe a person who is straightforward or uncomplicated in their thinking or behavior.

(KH Days Novel) "Is this about the defective thing in our midst?" asked Saïx. "Am I that easy to read?" Axel shrugged. "Yes, because you're completely guileless. You always were." "Excuse me? Were you always such a jerk?" Axel retorted, taking a seat on a shelf across from Saïx.

Axel was always giving Roxas advice on matters of the heart based on his own personal experience. Because this day was about the differences between men and women, it's easy to assume that it wasn't about Saïx. But in the novel, Saïx also calls Axel "単純" (tanjun) after Xion collapsed and he was in a bad mood.

In many cultures, the moon is seen as a symbol of feminine energy and is associated with emotions, intuition, and the subconscious mind. Saïx has a few weapons named "Selene" and "Artemis". The writers chose two lunar goddesses from Greek mythology, even though they could easily have chosen male lunar deities such as Chandra or Thoth. This was to associate him with femininity.

Saïx's default weapon called "Lunatic". He also has a weapon called "Crescent" which is part of the Wild Gear set. It is shaped like the symbol for Black Moon Lilith (⚸). She is associated with primal feminine energy and the shadow self. She embodies the darker aspects of the feminine psyche and represents the shadow side of femininity, including themes of rage, jealousy, and vengefulness.

Day 171 ~Love~

Xaldin: However… the notion of love for a beast…is truly foolish. Roxas: Love? …What is love? Xaldin: It refers to the emotions that are budding between those two. Roxas: Emotions… Xaldin: Hmph… The power of love is nonsense. Roxas: The power of love? Is it some kind of special power?

One of the most famous quotes from A Midsummer Night's Dream is spoken by the character Puck. It reflects his observation of the foolishness and irrational behavior of humans, particularly in matters of love and romance. It has become an iconic quote and is often cited in discussions of human folly and the whims of love.

Roxas: What is love? Axel: Huh? Roxas: How can the power of love be born? Axel: Love is a special power that only humans possess. Roxas: Nobodies don't have it? Axel: Those kinds of things require a heart. Roxas: ... ... ...

Roxas wasn't particularly motivated to complete Kingdom Hearts on Day 94. But on this day, he seemed fascinated with the idea that he could love someone when it was complete. Roxas is simple. It's probably safe to assume that his interest in love had to do with Xion.

Axel: It's born only between beings that are special and more than just friends. That's love. Roxas: More than friends... so like best friends? Axel: It's a bit different from best friends... Roxas: Is there a relationship above best friends? Axel: It's not about above or below. Roxas: I don't really understand... Axel: Well, we don't have hearts, so it's irrelevant to us. Roxas: If we had hearts...would we understand? Axel: Once Kingdom Hearts is completed, you'll understand too.

Axel suggested that once Kingdom Hearts was completed, Roxas would also be able to understand love like humans could. The Japanese wording doesn't explicitly state whether Axel himself already understood or not. But based on the subtext, we can probably assume that he already knew what it was like to feel love. He loved his best friend and wanted to experience that feeling again.

Day 171: Project "No.i" (Saïx) Xion failed her mission. If this state continues in the future, it would be better to eliminate this replica and proceed with copying using the next one, which should result in a replica with higher capabilities. After all, "No.i" is part of the initial batch, so there are concerns about its abilities. The current situation could also be perceived as a malfunction. What on earth is Xemnas thinking?

On this day, Saïx was more determined than ever to dispose of Xion. Of course, as the Shakespeare quotes suggest, he was being entirely irrational and perceiving a threat that wasn't really there.

Day 172 ~Sound of the Surf~

Saïx: Xion is sleeping right now. Even if you go, you won't be able to do anything. Roxas: It's not about whether I can do anything or not! Saïx: Why are you so concerned about such a failure? Roxas: Failure? Are you talking about Xion?

In Carl Jung's psychology, the concept of the mirror is often used metaphorically to represent the relationship between the conscious ego and the unconscious shadow. The shadow encompasses traits, desires, impulses, and emotions that individuals find unacceptable or shameful, and that they may be repressing. That's why Aqua's shadow-self emerged from the magic mirror.

Jung proposed that individuals often project their unconscious shadow qualities onto others, perceiving them as externalized aspects of themselves. Like a mirror, other people and external events reflect back to us aspects of our own psyche that we may not be aware of or are reluctant to acknowledge.

Saïx: Regardless of what happens to it, it's none of your concern. Roxas: Whether it's my concern or not doesn't matter. Saïx: What's the point of worrying about "something that doesn't exist"? Roxas: We're all in the same boat when it comes to things that don't exist.

Xemnas wasn't bothered by Xion's failure to defeat Riku. Saïx simply wanted to dispose of her because he was jealous. So, he projected aspects of himself that he hated onto her. It all gave me the impression that Isa was probably bad at fighting, failed his missions as an apprentice, and relied on Lea to do most of the work for him.

Saïx: Even if Xion were to break, it wouldn't change your position.

Saïx seemed unable to comprehend that Roxas was motivated by emotions and not because of any practical reasons.

Roxas: Saïx called Xion a failure... Axel: ...Xion is less of a failure than I am.

On this day, when Saïx called Xion a "failure", he used the word "出来損ない" (dekisokonai). The literal translation is "poorly made" or "botched," but it is usually used in a figurative sense. It refers to something or someone that is a failure, disappointment, or underachiever. It can be used to describe something that didn't turn out as expected or desired, or someone who hasn't lived up to their potential. Axel would get the sense that Saïx was referring Xion's failure to complete the missions and not necessarily anything more.

(KH Days Novel) "You are to discover the identity of the outsider," he told her. "Those are direct orders from Lord Xemnas. Failure is the same as insubordination. You understand that, don't you?" "Wha…?" Xion had no idea that Xemnas had chosen her for this mission. To the best of her knowledge, Saïx was the one in charge of assigning tasks.

However, in both the novel and manga, Saïx told Xion that Xemnas had personally assigned her the mission and that if she failed, it would be the same as insubordination, which is defined as intentional defiance of authority or refusal to obey orders.

Day 172: The Meaning of Words (Axel) There must be a hidden meaning behind Saïx's words. Why doesn't Xion have the qualifications of an Organization member? Saïx said it is what it looks like. Is he implying that she resembles Naminé in some way? It's hard to believe that there's no connection between Naminé and Xion. But then, whose Nobody is Xion? What is Saïx hiding?

So, there may have been a deeper meaning behind Saïx's usage of the word "failure". It potentially means being a traitor. A recusant. And if Xion were labeled a recusant, she would be punished.

Day 193 ~Memories~

Day 193: Dreams, or Memories? (Xion) I finally wake up, just to pass out again? Why? Because I'm a failure? I dreamt the whole while I was out. It was something nostalgic, but what? Why can't I remember? It could be a key memory from my human life. All I can remember is the sound of waves, gentle, in the distance.

In A Midsummer Night's Dream, Helena reflected on how sleep can sometimes provide temporary relief from feelings of sorrow or sadness. Sleep has the ability to close the metaphorical "eye" of sorrow, offering a brief respite from emotional pain. Xion was constantly dreaming about Sora. She wanted to go back "home".

Saïx: It's better for you not to move yet. [...] Roxas is scheduled to go on today's mission with Axel. Your presence is not planned. Xion: I want to go too. I want to limber up a bit. Axel: How about I go as a guardian? Saïx: ... ... ... ...Understood. Do as you please.

Saïx knew what was going on with Xion absorbing Roxas's memories. He knew she was gonna collapse. He only agreed to let them go when Axel offered to go, too. Because he was trying to hurt Axel.

Saïx: In the end, it collapsed again. The failure. Roxas: Don't say it like that...! Axel: Shut your mouth.

Here, Saïx used the word "shippaisaku" again instead of "dekisokonai". Both words refer to something that is considered a failure or disappointment, but there are subtle differences in nuance. "Dekisokonai" can be used broadly to describe various types of failures or shortcomings, such as Xion failing her missions.

"Shippaisaku" is more commonly used to describe unsuccessful creations or projects. It gives off a dehumanizing feel, like you're talking about a thing rather than a person. Axel was very angry, and not just because Saïx called Xion a bad name. That word was triggering to him. After all, the day was called "Memories".

Subject X and Notes on Mental Experimentation 2 During the initial experiment, several candidates were tested, but they all broke down mentally. I did not want anything to happen to her, my special subject. In the midst of all this, it was revealed to my mentor that I had used numerous subjects for testing and repeated experiments. The results of the tests were severely criticized, the research was terminated, and the results destroyed. Not only that, but she disappeared along with the release of many subjects. Where are the subjects now?

Xehanort used "特別な" (tokubetsu na) to refer to Subject X. It means "special" or "unique." It refers to something or someone that is distinctive, extraordinary, or holds significance beyond the ordinary. It implies a sense of rarity, importance, or exceptional value. Roxas and Xion were both special, too. They were all objectively special.

Axel also used "tokubetsu na" to describe how love is only born between people who are special to each other. Isa was probably not considered special like Subject X was. In an objective sense, he was probably considered to be pretty worthless, actually. He was only "special" in a subjective sense because of Lea's feelings for him.

Saïx: ...You've changed. What happened in Castle Oblivion? Are you ready to discard the past?

That was Saïx's only source of value, and he thought Xion threatened to take that away from him. He thought Axel changed because the past was no longer important to him. But that wasn't the case.

Axel: You passed, Sora. You have the power. The power to walk through Castle Oblivion. Guided by memories burned into your heart and precious memories on the brink of being forgotten, you will encounter precious people. Goofy: Can we meet the king? Axel: Think again about who is the most precious to you. The more precious the feelings, the deeper they are hidden in the heart— unable to be recalled. Sora, you must have such memories too. Sora: Me too? Axel: You've lost sight of the light in the darkness, to the point where you've forgotten that you've lost it. [...] But I'll give you a warning. When sleeping memories awaken, you may not be yourself anymore.

The romantic subtext between Roxas and Xion was quite obvious due to their connections to Sora and Kairi. Xion was precious to Roxas because he possessed Sora's most precious memories, which were those of Kairi, the girl who was special to him.

The romantic subtext between Axel and Saïx was a lot more subtle, but it was still there. Axel's memories of Isa were equivalent to Sora's memories of Kairi. After Castle Oblivion, he remembered his most precious person and he was always projecting those precious memories onto Xion. And that was what caused him to change.

Roxas: ...Are you worried about Xion too? Axel: Of course.

During her dream, Xion was reliving the moment when Sora turned the Keyblade on himself and turned into a Heartless. It was probably the same type of situation with Axel. He seemed to be reminded of something with the sleeping Xion, similar to how the sleeping Roxas reminded Xemnas of when Ventus collapsed. Isa was probably imprisoned in the Chamber of Repose after the failed experiment, similar to Subject X when they first met her.

Roxas: It feels kind of strange. Axel: What do you mean? Roxas: Axel, you hate annoying things, right?

In the localization, Roxas said Axel hates "complications". But I don't think that got the intended message across. Roxas used the word "面倒くさい" (mendokusai). It means "troublesome" or "bothersome". It is often used to describe tasks, situations, or people that are annoying or inconvenient. And that idea fits more with Axel's catchphrase where he always gets stuck with the unpleasant jobs.

Axel: Hey, Roxas... Why do you think we're eating ice cream together every day in that place? Roxas: ...Huh? Axel: I don't have any use for it. If you think about it normally, it's just a hassle, isn't it? [...] Want me to tell you? It's because we're best friends.

Axel used the word "用" (yō). It has several meanings, including "use," "purpose," or "need." He wanted to emphasize that best friends don't value each other for how useful they are in a practical sense. Eating ice cream together has no objective purpose, but that doesn't matter.

Day 255 ~The Longest Day~

"Things base and vile, holding no quantity, love can transpose to form and dignity. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

The above A Midsummer Night's Dream quote is also one of the play's most famous and iconic. And it encapsulates one of the biggest themes of the 358/2 Days narrative. Love is a transformative force that transcends physical appearance and superficial qualities. Love depends not on an objective assessment of appearance or value but rather on an individual perception of the beloved.

The third eye (also called the mind's eye) is an invisible eye, located on the forehead, which provides perception beyond ordinary sight. And I thought it was very interesting that Saïx's scar was located over his third eye, and he was the only one unable to "see" Xion. It does suggest that some sort of mental experimentation was performed.

(KH Days Novel) Axel stared at him as if trying to figure something out and then grinned. "Right, that first week you could barely form a sentence."

The game began with a preview of Day 255, which was called "The Longest Day." The summer solstice, also known as midsummer, marks the longest day of the year and the shortest night, with the sun reaching its highest point in the sky. A Midsummer Night's Dream is set around the time of the summer solstice. The themes of love, transformation, and the blurring of reality and fantasy were heightened by the setting of the summer solstice. And those themes were also present in the narrative of 358/2 Days as well.

(KH Days Novel) The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering. If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed. A phantom sun. Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

On Day 96 of the novelization, Axel closed his eyes until he could only see the illusion of the sunset in his mind. And he remembered that someone else told him about the red sunset. There's really no one else it could have been but Isa. It was one of the most precious memories sleeping deep in the shadows of Axel's heart.

Roxas: I don't remember anything before joining the Organization, so for the first few days, I was just in a daze. After that, I wanted to remember everything properly. Axel: Yeah, for about the first week, you couldn't even talk properly, and you're still kind of out of it. Roxas: That's harsh! Axel: Hey Roxas, do you know why the sunset is red? Light comes in different colors, and among them, red reaches the farthest distance. That's why. Roxas: Why are you so proud of that, Axel?

Axel looked off the side before telling Roxas about the red sunset, indicating it was something he'd just remembered in that moment. And his Japanese voice acting during that scene was so nostalgic and wistful. Again, based on subtext, I suspect it was probably the first thing Isa said to him after he became lucid again after his mental breakdown. Which was why Roxas's comment made him remember.

Roxas: Seriously, where is she?

And in Japanese, the day has another meaning. "長い日" (nagai hi) refers to a day that feels exceptionally long or seems to drag on due to various factors such as boredom, exhaustion, or a heavy workload. In Axel's case, it was because he was dreading telling Roxas the news.

276 ~Disorder~

Xion: Is it that I'm not supposed to exist? Axel: Well, what do you want to do, Xion? Xion: I want…I want to be with you two. Roxas: Then come back with us. Xion: I can't… Not the way I am now. But…what would it take for me to be like you?

In the above quote, Demetrius is addressing Helena, who is convinced that she is awake and experiencing reality. However, Demetrius questions the nature of their current state, suggesting that they might still be asleep and dreaming. This uncertainty reflects the topsy-turvy world created by the interference of the fairies, particularly Puck, who has enchanted the characters with a love potion, causing them to fall in and out of love with each other.

Roxas: I got to go to the beach today for my mission. There was this girl there who looked kind of like Xion…but I couldn't get close enough to tell for sure. I probably imagined it. To be honest, I'm not even sure today's mission really happened. I feel like I just woke up from a dream or something. This is gonna sound crazy, but you know how we promised each other we'd all go to the beach? Well, I think I only saw her there because I wanted her to be there.

Metaphorically, the quote highlights the theme of perception versus reality and the blurred lines between the waking world and the realm of dreams. It suggests that what appears to be real may actually be illusory, and that true understanding can be elusive in a world filled with magical enchantment and shifting emotions.

Day 299 ~Sora~

Saïx: I see. And what about the man in the black coat? Xemnas: Do not allow any further contact with Roxas. He is nothing more than an impurity hindering Xion becoming a more perfect being. Saïx: Then everything will proceed according to the original plan…

"Things base and vile, holding no quantity, love can transpose to form and dignity." Xion was nothing but a blank puppet and an imaginary number with no quantity. She only took on a form to the perceiver because of Sora's most precious memories within Roxas.

(KH Days Novel) I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.

The idea behind "love is blind" is that love can create a kind of emotional blindness, where individuals are unable to see reality objectively. When someone is deeply in love, they may be unable or unwilling to see any faults or imperfections in their partner, even if those flaws would be apparent to an outside observer. This can sometimes lead to situations where people remain in unhealthy or toxic relationships because they are unable to see the negative consequences or red flags due to their intense feelings of love.

Axel: Was this really the right decision? Saïx: For you to say something like that... between that puppet and Roxas, which one is more important to you? Let me change the question. Between your petty friendship game and Roxas's disappearance, which one is more important to you? Everything has returned to normal. It must be the right decision, right? Even Xemnas is annoyed by the recent change in plans. We need to restore everything to normal. It's for our goal, too, Lea.

This time, when Saïx used the word "important" he used "大事な" (daijina) instead of "大切な" (taisetsuna). Both words mean "important" and are often used interchangeably. However, there are subtle differences. As I've said "taisetsuna" is used to emphasize emotional or sentimental value. And typically, "daijina" conveys the sense of something being important in a practical or utilitarian sense.

Saïx didn't seem particularly threatened by Axel's relationship with Roxas. Probably because Axel wasn't put in the position where he had to worry or be as protective of Roxas, the way he was with Xion. And Saïx also knew that Roxas was important to their shared goal of completing Kingdom Hearts. So, Saïx valued him in a utilitarian sense. In essence, he was telling Axel to choose between Xion or him.

Saïx was telling Axel, the assassin, to do the dirty work of eliminating Xion for him. So that their original plan could get back on its smooth course. "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." This cutscene was directed to look like the scene from KH2, when Sora closed his eyes and could see Riku in his mind, looking the way he truly was meant to look.

Day 352 ~Sunset~

(KH Days Novel) "How are you feeling, Roxas?" "…Same as always." Saïx smirked at the reply—and a chill ran through Axel at how vicious it was. "I have an urgent mission especially for you and your Keyblade," said Saïx. "There's a fearsome Heartless that's surfaced in Halloween Town."

In Japanese, Saïx's moniker is "月に舞う" or "Demon Dancing in the Moon". The word used for "demon" was "魔人" (majin). "魔" (ma) means "demon" or "evil spirit," and "人" (jin) means "person". Together, "majin" refers to a person with demonic or supernatural qualities.

Saïx has a pair of same-shaped weapons called "King of the Night" and "Queen of the Night". Dracula is sometimes referred to as "King of the Night," such as in the Castlevania series. Many legends and works of fiction depict vampires as being more powerful and bloodthirsty during the full moon. And while Saïx was always unpleasant, Day 352 is when he showed a truly evil side to his personality. He set Roxas and Xion up to kill each other in Halloween Town underneath the full moon until Axel intervened.

Saïx: Can't you just let things run their course?

"So quick bright things come to confusion." Lysander was reflecting on the transience of happiness and how quickly joyful moments can turn into chaos or confusion. Lysander's observation underscores the theme of instability and unpredictability in matters of love and human relationships, which is a recurring motif throughout the play.

Day 352: What I Must Do (Xion) I love Roxas and Axel. I think that's what I feel, but I bet Saïx would laugh, saying it's just false emotions fabricated from memory. But I loved spending time with Roxas and Axel on top of the clock tower. I wish we could stay like this, the three of us, forever. But it has to end now. I'll never forget today's sunset. Even if Roxas and Axel forget, I won't forget.

Xion used the word "好き" (suki) instead of "愛" (ai), which was the word used on Day 171. She certainly loved Axel and Roxas, which was why she made the decision to disappear at the Beast's Castle. But I think the writers were trying to emphasize that it was different than what she felt for Sora. Xion was the personification of the memories in the shadows of Sora's heart. She was his shadow self. She didn't want to say goodbye to her best friends, but she also yearned to watch the sunset with the person she loved in the "ai" sense.

Xion: A beautiful sunset. Even though it's the same sunset I've always seen, it looks especially beautiful today. I wish we could always be together like this, the three of us. […] Axel: What's important isn't meeting up every day— Xion: —It's thinking about each other even when we're not together, right?

Axel was definitely lying when he said he'd never seen a Winner ice cream stick before. The fact that their time together as a trio was coming to an end is what made him remember it in the first place. And he used the same words from Day 96. Only that time, he did feel sentimental towards Roxas and Xion. But Axel was trying to be the mature realistic adult in the situation.

Axel: If somebody doesn't break it, someday, you will no longer be you. Roxas will no longer be Roxas. Roxas: I am me. Still the best friend of Axel. Xion is also my important best friend! Axel: No, that's not it. It's not about that, Roxas. Roxas: Enough. Axel: That's not it, Roxas.

The theme "love is blind" also pertained to Roxas's relationship with Xion. To some extent, Axel was able to view the situation with Xion more objectively than Roxas. He could tell that she was a puppet that was absorbing his power and was dangerous. So, the next day, he let her run away from the Organization. He tried to explain the situation logically to Roxas, but Roxas couldn't accept it, and ran away too.

Day 355 ~Unsaid, Unheard~

(KH Days Novel) "Because they copied my powers, the Keyblade's power, and then they didn't need me anymore—is that it?" Roxas spat. He couldn't bring himself to confirm it. "I guess you felt the same way, huh, Axel?" At those words, something wrenched in his chest, and he could hardly breathe. No, not me. I wasn't thinking like that. I would never. "That's not true. You—you're my best friend." The words spilled out of him.

More than anything, Axel wanted to emphasize that best friends don't value each other for how useful they are. And that no doubt had some connection to his human memories with Isa.

(KH Days Novel) "We don't need them both. Just one. And pretending won't change it." We, who? Axel wanted to ask, but he held it in, along with a bitter laugh. He wasn't sure if that "we" meant Organization XIII or just Saïx and himself. Axel realized how great the rift was between how he remembered past and what he saw now.

Saïx may very well have been possessed by some soul/mind that had other motivations subconsciously driving him to complete Kingdom Hearts at all costs. But all the subtext indicated that his conscious motivations were very simple. He wanted to complete Kingdom Hearts to get his heart back. He wanted the power of Kingdom Hearts because he wanted the power to love and be loved in return.

Day 356: Unforeseen Circumstances (Saïx) Lea, what did you ultimately want? The plan we decided on, entering the Organization together... No, that's already just wishful thinking. Everything has changed. You, and me too…

It would have been quite a twist if Axel and Saïx's big plan was simply being together forever eating ice cream every single day and watching the sunset. And there is a lot of evidence in the original text to suggest that that was indeed their plan. I also found it interesting that in Axel's Report from Day 118, he denied that he changed. But Saïx acknowledged in his final report that he had changed.

Comparing the Organisation members when they were human to when they were in the Organisation, apart from Xehanort, only Isa and Braig have differently-shaped ears and differently-coloured eyes - why is this? Nomura: It's a question of whether or not they're deeply connected to Xehanort. In Braig's case, comparing the scene where he's injured in his battle with Terra and flares up at Xehanort, his appearance afterwards changes, which hints that something happened with Xehanort in between. (BBS Ultimania, March 2010)

Xion was a puppet made to duplicate Sora's powers. And over time, she began to appear as him instead of Kairi. And the thirteen vessels were puppets made to be duplicates of Xehanort. After being experimented on and turned into a vessel, Isa would have noticed certain physical changes such as the golden eyes and pointy ears.

By the way, Braig's dealings with Master Xehanort in Birth by Sleep make sense, he was to become a vessel. Nomura: There is a certain reason for Braig to proudly exclaim, "As for me, I'm already half Xehanort." Isa (Saix) is included too. I think you'll understand the details about their circumstances eventually. What happens to the hearts of those who have had Master Xehanort's heart planted within them? Nomura: They'll gradually be swallowed by it. As for Master Xehanort, he plans to control them completely. The planted parts of the heart are captured rather than disappear. (Famitsu, May 2012)

And maybe Isa didn't want to lose his identity and become someone else. So, he thought it would be better for him to not exist anymore.

Day 356 ~Role~

(KH Days Novel) "How do you know that?" Axel demanded. "Everyone thinks they're right…" "This is right," Xion said firmly. "It's better this way." Axel hated that argument. Nothing was better any which way. All it came down to was what you wanted to do and what you didn't. He'd learned that lesson back when he had a heart. "So it's better for you to disappear?" he protested.

Because I definitely got the impression that Axel was reliving a situation from his past that was extremely similar to the situation with Xion. And that's what the novelization hinted at, too.

In Japanese, the title for this day is "役目" (yakume). It means "duty" or "role". It refers to a task, responsibility, or function that someone is expected to fulfill or perform. And it's a reference to when Axel says, "The dirty work always seems to fall on me."

Xion: …No holding back now, Axel. Axel: Stop fucking around! Don't underestimate me! I've made up my mind! No matter how many times you guys try to run away, I'll always be there to bring you back!

I don't think the English localization truly captured Axel's anger here. In Japanese, he says, "ふざけんな" (fuzakenna). It's a very direct way of saying "Don't mess with me". Next was "てめーナメてんじゃねーぞ" (teme na meten jane zo). It's a very informal and rather aggressive way of saying "Don't underestimate me" or "Don't look down on me." It's a confrontational expression used to assert oneself and demand respect. The phrase contains strong language (teme), and it comes across as rude. So, swear words are very fitting here.

Xion was a mirror that reflected the memories of those who were bound to Sora in some way. Even Xigbar was able to see her as Ventus at times. When Axel said that he'd bring Xion back, he said "you both". In Japanese, he said "おまえら" (omaera) which means "you guys". It's specifically plural in both languages.

Axel yells at Xion, "I'll bring you back no matter how many times it takes", but why does the word "you" refer to multiple people? Nomura: That's still a secret as well. But Axel's determination here of "bring you back no matter how many times it takes" is connected to when he said he would bring Roxas back in Kingdom Hearts II. (Famitsu, August 2008)

Nomura said that the reason why Axel was referring to multiple people in that scene was a secret. It wasn't referring to Roxas, but the determination Axel felt toward bringing him back in KH2 was related. And Axel said he'd bring Roxas back even if he had to knock him unconscious. During Axel's showdown with Xion, did she actually take on the appearance of Isa to him? Is that why he could only stare down at the ground in that moment?

Lea said the same lines, "Why do I always get the icky jobs," and "I'll always be there to bring you back," to Xion in KH Days when he brought her back. Does he remember that? Nomura: The nature of the being known as Xion and all memories to do with her were erased, but he would remember other things. (KH3D Ultimania, May 2012)

In KH3D, Lea didn't remember Xion. But it was strongly implied that he did remember making that promise to Isa. Isa was probably one of the test subjects taken away by Ansem the Wise. He didn't want to be a puppet of Xehanort, in either a literal or figurative sense. Lea probably had to bring him back to join the Organization by force. That's why Axel always agreed to do any of the dirty work necessary, even though Saïx was certainly capable of doing it himself.

Day 357 ~Tears~

Roxas: Did I...hurt you? Xion: No, I'm the one who's trying to disappear on my own. I didn't want to become what Xemnas wanted, so I will go to Sora's side. I just want to return to where I belong. But I have one request. Please release the captured hearts and Kingdom Hearts. Roxas: Release...Kingdom Hearts? Xion: It seems I can't do it anymore. But you can't fulfill Xemnas's wishes. Goodbye, Roxas. Let's meet again. I'm glad I got to see you and Axel. You two are best friends. Don't forget that. Roxas: No… Let's go eat ice cream together as a trio again, Xion.

The flower tatarian aster is known in Japan as the "紫苑" (shion). In Hanakotoba, the Japanese language of flowers, it means "I'll never forget you." Roxas and Xion's Mystery Gear was called "Aubade". An aubade is a form of poetry or music that focuses on the theme of lovers parting at dawn. It typically depicts a scene where lovers must separate as day breaks, often evoking feelings of longing, melancholy, or anticipation. Day 357 was called "Tears". It referred to Roxas's tears when Xion disappeared leaving only a seashell behind.

Day 357: To My Best Friend (Axel) Roxas is gone... Leaving just the stick labeled "Winner." Typical of him. I bet tomorrow or something we'll get orders to bring him back, but leaving this behind... it really feels like the end, doesn't it? Roxas, are we still the three of us...? Well, no, just two now. Let's get some ice cream again. That's what being best friends is all about.

But it was also referring to Axel when he opened the envelope with the ice cream stick in it. "Queen of the Night" is named after a flower known as "月下美人". It literally means "beauty under the moonlight". The flower's symbolism is derived from its short flowering time. It only blooms one night a year, usually during a full moon. The flower's meaning is to enjoy the small moments because they do not last. In flower language, it represents fleeting beauty and fleeting love.

The word for "beauty" is "美人" (bijin). It means "beautiful person" and usually refers to women. Generally, "bijin" is more commonly associated with feminine beauty in Japanese language and culture. While it can technically be used to describe individuals of any gender who are considered beautiful, the term often carries connotations of traditional or stereotypical feminine beauty standards. "Majin" and "bijin" highlight the vast dichotomy between Saïx and Isa.

Axel: If you want, I'll bring you back too. Saïx: The marks under your eyes are gone, aren't they? Axel: Yeah, I don't need 'em anymore. Saïx: I taught you, who used to be such a crybaby, the charm of inverted tears. Axel: Shut up. Get out of here quickly or I'll kick your ass tomorrow!

In KH3, Saïx noticed that he had a Winner ice cream stick before he brought up the subject of Axel's tear marks. He said that he taught Lea that spell and used the word "おまじない" (omajinai). It means "spell" or "charm." It refers to a ritual or action performed with the belief that it will bring good luck or protect against misfortune.

This subject seemed to embarrass Axel. Lea was his other self, the weak crybaby that he was ashamed of and didn't like to acknowledge. In other words, his shadow. Perhaps back then Isa was trying to be the realistic mature adult, while Lea was the childish one who insisted they would be together forever? And perhaps a Winner ice cream stick was the memento Isa wanted to leave behind so Lea would always keep him in his thoughts?

I don't have a high opinion about the way KH3 handled Axel and Saïx. I understand that there wasn't enough time to show their backstory, so their relationship was sidelined to focus more on other characters. There was still a lot of romantic subtext, but the KH3 team did seem a bit uncomfortable with how utterly gay Saïx was for Axel. So, they tried to retcon his motivations to be entirely about Subject X. Which I think was very disrespectful to the story being told in 358/2 Days.

Day 359 ~The First Day~

"If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended: That you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

The quote "If we shadows have offended" was spoken by Puck in the final scene of the play. He addresses the audience directly, acknowledging that the events of the play, including the magical transformations, misunderstandings, and romantic entanglements, may have caused offense or confusion.

Xion: Roxas, don't be sad. I came from you and Sora. I am you…the same way that I am Sora. You'll forget me, but the memories themselves will never go away. Memories of you and me will always be together…forever, inside him.

By referring to themselves as "shadows," Puck implies that the characters and events of the play are like fleeting illusions or figments of imagination. The quote also serves as a kind of epilogue or closing statement, in which Puck reassures the audience that all will be "mended," or set right, if they view the play's events as nothing more than a fantastical dream experienced during a slumber.

#long post #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 358/2 days #roxas #xion #kh axel #saix #rokushi #akusai #kh isa #leaisa #kh meta

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new-revenant · 5 months ago

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In a Random Alleyway in Norrisville (2730 words) by FeverProject Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Danny Phantom, Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Randy Cunningham & Danny Fenton Characters: Randy Cunningham, Danny Fenton Additional Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Danny Fenton Has A Bad Time, Randy Cunningham Has A Great Time, that basically summarizes the fic ngl, Mentioned Guys in White | GIW (Danny Phantom), Blood and Injury, it doesn’t happen IN the fic but Danny is not doing too good, Generous Use of Ellipsis(…) Summary: For the @dp-crossover-angst-week-event on Tumblr. Prompt - July 9th: Bleeding out in an alleyway. DPxRC9GN crossover. It’s not too angsty-I mean Danny’s having a terrible time, but Randy is Randy, he’s having a great time.

Fic on here under the cut:

Randy loved patrolling. Well, only sometimes. He definitely loved playing Grave Puncher more than patrolling most days. Thankfully, this was one of those days where he was having a honkin' good time. It was just so fun to parkour up and down and all around the buildings in his town, how could he not love that. How could he not love being The Ninja period? Sure it was definitely frustrating and unfair some-well, most times if he was being honest, but still, he was The Ninja, how bruce was that?!

Now, being Norrisville’s protector, he obviously had to help the people he came across who needed his help. Like, rescuing a kitten stuck in a tree, or stopping some random purse snatcher. The usual things people are in need of.

Helping out a guy that was bleeding out in an alleyway? That was new.

Randy was perched upon the edge of a rooftop, looking down at the bleeding, humanoid figure. He has bright white hair and tan-ish skin, and was in this weird, black and white, skintight suit. It kind of reminded Randy of a hazmat suit, if only the hazmat suit was severely shrink wrapped and was painted with tar.

And he was glowing. That. That was not normal for normal humans to be doing. His blood was also glowing. And green. Randy leaned forward, trying to get a better look at the guy. Unfortunately, he leaned forward too much, and swiftly fell off the roof, bumping on everything he could’ve possibly bumped on on his way down. He landed right next to glowing guy.

Randy shook himself off as he sprang up, looking at the guy. The boy looked back at him, eyes slightly unfocused with a bit of glowing, green blood coming out of his mouth. They looked at each for a moment, Randy being confused about what to do. He carefully stepped back and around the boy, all the way to his other side. The boy’s eyes followed him, making Randy feel a bit uneasy. But he was The Ninja, he’ll be fine.

Randy crouched down, scratching his chin in thought. “You don’t look Stanked…” Randy mumbled, a bit loudly, “but you definitely don’t look like a normal human either…”

The odd boy blinked at him, confusion evident on his exhausted face. He mumbled something back, but Randy couldn’t hear it. So he leaned over his face, ear a few inches from the boy’s mouth.

“What you say? You feeling shnasty?”

“What?” the boy croaked, “Wha-what words?”

“Hmm? You don’t know what ‘shnasty’ means?” Randy pulled away from the boy, looking down at him, “Must not be from here then, am I right?”

“…Yeah, yeah.”

“Alright! Now, how about you tell me where you’re from, and I’ll get you back, free of charge. I would take you to a hospital or something, but I don’t think they would take…this well.” He gestured all over the glowing boy’s body.

“Ha!” The boy coughed a bit, “They definitely wouldn’t.”

“Say, do you think you’re going die…soon, if you’re untreated? Because I don’t want any preventable deaths in my conscience. You seem like you’re a…teen? As well, so that would definitely make me feel worse.”

The boy laughed at that, and Randy couldn’t help but smile underneath his mask. Making other people feel better-emotionally or physically-feels great! Great for his conscious.

“Well, I’m already dead, so, I’ll probably get better soon.”

“You’re what?”

“Dead. I’m a ghost. Name’s Phantom, just escaped a ghost hunting group. You…aren’t with them, right? You aren’t wearing white, so I don’t think you are.”

“Huh.” Randy blinked a few times, trying to figure out what was just told to him. “So your name’s Phantom, you’re a…ghost, and you escaped from white-wearing ghost hunters?” Ghosts definitely weren’t the weirdest thing he’d encountered, but it wasn’t within his usual territory.

“Yep,” Phantom said with a pop to the p, “they stopped before I got here, yelling about some crazy ninja in town. Guess that’s you, huh?”

“Exactly! That’s me, The Norrisville Ninja! But you can just call me, ‘The Ninja.’”

“Great, fantastic,” Phantom let out a sigh, “Guess I have you to thank for my short reprieve. Hurray.”

“Yep! You don’t seem too concerned about those hunters though.”

“I’m more concerned about how uncomfortable the ground is.”

“Oh! Let me help you with that,” Randy lifted Phantom up by his armpits, moving him over to a wall to lean on. He was surprisingly light for a ghost-actually, he would’ve been surprisingly heavy for a ghost.

Randy stepped back to observe his work, seeing how he successfully managed to prop up the ghost boy. He looked unamused, for some bizarre reason. Randy stepped a bit closer to observe Phantom’s injuries, and a few were still bleeding. With his quick thinking, he figured out a solution to this. His scarf was magical, like the rest of his suit, and could regenerate after being cut. Which meant he had an infinite supply of makeshift bandages!

Moving quickly, Randy ran around Phantom, holding up his scarf to measure the wounds. Phantom eyed him, confused as ever.

“Uh, what are you doing?” Phantom asked.

“I’m giving you some certified Ninja-Scarf-Bandages!” In a swift motion, he cut up his scarf with his sword into numerous pieces of various sizes, showing them off to Phantom. After a moment, he gave the ninja a thumbs up, and Randy quickly wrapped the ghost up.

“Feeling any better?” Randy asked after he was done.

“Nope.”

“Great! I-I mean, not great. Yeah.”

Phantom laughed again, and it was great until he started coughing. Then he coughed some blood, which was definitely not great.

“That’s shnasty. Which is…probably not the appropriate thing to say right now, but it’s fine,” Phantom laughed at that-he seemed to laugh a lot for a bleeding guy, but he was also already dead, “A-uh, anyways…I have no idea what to do now. I guess you can stay? Here? Until…I dunno, it’s safe?”

“…Really? You’ll…just let me stay here?”

“Sure if you just don’t bother anybody here. I don’t think they would be too happy about a ghost roaming around, you know?”

“Oh I know, ha. You’re…a weird ninja. It’s weird for a ninja to be…roaming around right?”

“Well yeah, but I’m not just any ninja, I’m The Norrisville Ninja. I’ve been the protector of this town for around, I dunno, 800 years?” He said the last part with a smile. Even though he wasn’t actually the ninja for 800 years, the mantle having been passed onto him a little less than a year ago. Still, he had to keep the charade up, it’s safer and also brucer that way.

“800 years?!” Phantom shouted, which made him cough.

“Yep! You seem like you could have some water with all that coughing you’re doing. Wait, can ghosts drink? Or eat?”

“Oh, yeah, I can. Don’t need to but I can,” his voice was very raspy now, “Then I’ll talk more, and stuff. Yeah.”

“Schweet! Do you have any money or something, I forgot my wallet.”

“Heh, yeah, okay. Just…buy me a burger as well,” Phantom stuffed his hand through his chest, pulling out a wallet.

“Oh. My. Cheese! That’s so honkin’ bruce! Your body is like a locker, I wish I could do that. Actually, I’m pretty sure my suit can do that…”

“Just take my money and help, please.”

Phantom held out a handful of dollar bills for the ninja to take. Randy gracefully took the money and counted them, and he could definitely buy more than a water and a burger with this much. Maybe ghosts didn’t understand the concept of money? Of maybe Phantom was just bad at math, or money. Or both.

“You know, you should be a bit more polite,” Randy chuckled as he stored the money in his scarf, right next to his sword. Phantom just looked at him blankly, clearly not amused. “Now, don’t move. I’ll be back in like, 10, 15-ish minutes? Depends on how long the line is, if there even is any.”

“Well, I can barely feel my legs, so I’m definitely not moving anytime soon.”

“At least you can still feel them, right?”

“…”

“Right?”

“…”

“…I’ll-I’ll be going now.”

“Good luck, don’t die.”

“Not planning on it! Smokebomb!” And in a pungent puff of smoke, The Ninja was gone.

….

Danny had no idea what he was going to do. Should he try to escape and pray that he would be able to get back home now, or should he wait and trust in this-apparently 800 year old-ninja, that promised to get him a burger. He was thankfully lucid enough to not mention the GIW by name, since who know what connections this ninja could have, but he did let slip that they wore all white. There was a reason some people called the the Guys In White, and the ninja could’ve picked up on that. He could’ve know that Danny was talking about them.

Was the ninja going to sell him out to them? Was this the end for this already half dead teenager? He couldn’t contact his family, his friends, no one could help him now. Even if this ninja was supposedly 800 years old and also this town’s protector, and if he really was on Danny’s side, could he stand a chance against the GIW?

Danny missed Amity Park, he missed his home. He had strayed too far-ever so slightly too far, far enough that the GIW felt comfortable to give chase. And give chase they did, Danny was sure that he was at leasttwo states away from his home. His family would be worried about him. His friends would be worried about him. How many days has it been? How long has he been gone? Was his family even looking for him yet? Would they ever?

Danny shook his head, he needed to stop thinking. Just stop. It wasn’t doing him any good. He just needed to wait, to hope, to yearn. His stomach churned, it had been wanting food for a while. How long was that while? Danny didn’t know, he couldn’t, he didn’t get the luxury to know, to know anything.

How long has The Ninja been gone? Would he ever come back? If he did, what would happen then? Anything good, anything bad? Where was he, where was him? Danny needed to move but he couldn’t. He was tired but he couldn’t sleep, not yet, not ever until he gets back home. Where was home? Where is he? Where oh where could anybody be? Danny wanted to cry but he couldn’t. He wanted to lie down but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything, he could want to do whatever he pleased. But nothing would come about from simply wanting. From simply yearning.

Nothing good comes from thinking.

A soft thud came from the right of Danny. He froze, anxiety spiking from the sound, from the typhoon of thoughts crashing down onto his mind.

“Heeyyy Phantom,” The Ninja said in a singsongy voice, waltzing in front of him, “I got two burgers! Well, actually three, but I ate it on the way here. Sorry, I was hungry ha ha.” He gave Danny a bag filled with burgers and a water bottle.

“It’s…fine,” Danny sighed. He didn’t really care that he ate a burger bought with his money, he was more peeved about the ninja almost giving him a heart attack.

But that didn’t really matter in the end, Danny should just focus on not starving. The water hadn’t been opened yet, he could tell by how he had to struggle to open the stupid thing. After a few sips of that, he grabbed one of the burgers. It was still wrapped up, looking thankfully untouched. After a few bites of that, he went back to his water. He did that a couple more times until he was finished with the burger. The Ninja had a hand outstretched, napkins in his hand.

“Thanks,” Danny mumbled as he took them.

“Ah, it’s no problem,” The Ninja waved him off, “Feeling any better now?”

“Yeah, actually. Thanks.”

“Alright! Now,” he yawned, “I dunno what to do next.”

“Same.”

“Oh! Wait, I remember you said you’d tell me where you’re from, right?”

“I think you just asked me to tell you-“

“Great! So can you tell me?”

Danny really didn’t want to him. But The Ninja didn’t seem hostile, the worst thing he’d done to him was that he ate a burger bought with Danny’s money, but honestly he deserved a little snack for all the trouble he went through for the ghost.

Danny let out a sigh, “I’m from Amity Park, Illinois.”

“Illinois? That’s like…a couple states over? I’m not that good at geography, ha.”

“I’m…okay at it, I guess. I’m not good at math though.”

“Oh I’m great at math! It’s fun.”

“You’re crazy.”

“And you’re just. Math. Dyslexic. I think that’s a thing.”

“That…would make a lot sense.”

“Glad I could help, yet again,” The Ninja smugly said as he plopped down next to Danny. “Now, how do I get you back to Illinois?”

“I’ll just take a bus or something.”

“Are there any buses that go to Illinois?”

“I don’t know man, I’m tired.”

“Hmm, maybe I could get you into a hotel or something. I’m very popular around here, a local celebrity you know?”

“Ha, yeah,” Danny rubbed his temples, considered his options. If he didn’t take the ninja’s offer, he would be sleeping on the streets, wandering the streets, or get jumped on the streets. He needed to get off of the streets.

“Alright,” Danny stretched his arms, “I’ll go with your plan. Just let me finish my second burger.”

“Schweet! Okay, now we just need to figure out how to make you stop glowing. And bleeding, that’s also important.”

“I heal quickly, my wounds will likely be gone after I finish this,” Danny told him as he unwrapped his burger, “Also, you’ll figure out how I’ll stop glowing soon, so don’t worry about it.”

“Okay then. Enjoy your burger,” The Ninja put his hand behind his head and rested them on the wall, closing his eyes. It would be the perfect time to run away, but Danny wasn’t planning on doing that now. He just had to place his trust in this ninja for now.

A few minutes passed, and Danny was done. He wiped his face and stuffed the napkins into the now empty burger bag. Well, before that he took out the remaining money he had given to the ninja, who had seemingly slipped it into the bag while he wasn’t looking. Into the chest wallet it goes.

“I’m ready,” Danny said as he attempted to stand up. He stumbled a bit, but thankfully he was right next to a wall.

“You good ghostie?” The Ninja asked, standing up much quicker than Danny could dream of at the moment.

“Y-yeah, just give me second.”

Danny stretched a bit after he regained his footing. He looked over at The Ninja and gave him a smirk, before he enveloped himself in a ring of light, transforming into his regular human form.

“Woah!” The Ninja shouted, “What the juice? You look…alive! And like a normal person in normal clothing!”

“Yeah, I can do that. Now, take me the hotel please. Before I pass out.”

“Right on it! I’ll carry you there, just don’t pass out before we get there.”

“I won’t make any promises.”

“Okay, kinda wonk but alright.”

“Half the words you say are nonsense, you know that right?”

“Ah, all words are nonsense, aren’t they? Now climb on my back.” He turned away from Danny and crouched down, turning his head to face Danny and pointed at his back. Danny groaned, he probably wasn’t going to enjoy this, but it’s fine. Sleep and safety would come soon, he just needed to focus on that. He didn’t need to think, he just need to focus on staying awake. He hopped on the ninja’s back, and in a few moments, they were off.

Danny was right in not making any promises about not passing out, as he was already sleeping soundly by the time they got to the hotel.

#dpcaw24 #danny phantom #danny phantom crossover #danny fenton #dp x rc9gn #dpxrc9gn #rc9gn #randy cunnigham #revenant makes fanfics #dp crossover

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thursdayinspace · 5 months ago

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20 questions for 20 writers

tagged by @thatfragilecapricorn30 @randomfoggytiger and @baronessblixen thank you!! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 21

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 70.063 -- this is my new AO3, so that's why it's still so low, haha.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only X-Files now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? spectacular (glasses sex!), it's the day the world didn't end, from this morning forward (that makes me so happy), got you covered, wild side

5. Do you respond to comments? yes. if I ever don't, I'm sorry, it's not because i didn't love your comment, but i just don't get around to it right away sometimes. but i try to reply to every single one because i love them all.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ohhh. i don't write super angsty endings . . . I guess mend into pieces bc it's season 2 and they know they're making a mistake, but we all know they'll figure it out eventually, so.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? they pretty much all end happily. i'm going to more or less randomly pick five ways to say i love you. because i loved writing that ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? so, okay. there are two stories here i want to tell from an old fandom. one is funny. one is kind of great, really?

the funny one: i got a looooong comment on a fic, like several paragraphs long, going into great detail about why the fic sucked and why i sucked and why i had personally offended them by writing fic at all. they obvs meant to comment anonymously but forgot to log out. by the time i got to my computer, they had deleted their entire account. of course i had their name in the ao3 email. i laughed so hard at that.

the kind of amazing one: i got a very rude anon on tumblr, and i responded by saying i'd be happy to discuss their criticism, but i wasn't going to have a conversation with a hockey puck with sunglasses, and asked them to come off anon so we could talk. and they did! they showed up in my dms a short while later. we solved nothing and did not part as friends, but i actually have mad respect for that. wherever they are today, i hope they have taken some anger management classes and are doing well!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yeah, i certainly do. idk what kind? the porny kind? lol no i mean it's kind of lame but fun.

10. Do you write crossovers? i wrote a stargate atlantis/firefly crossover centuries ago but that was it. or maybe start trek with sth else, i don't remember.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? i don't think so, no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! it's so much fun and i would do it again.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? mulder and scully!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i plan to finish all of them.

16. What are your writing strengths? it used to be dialogue but i don't think it is anymore. idk? i think i can create an atmosphere?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i tend to repeat myself a lot and then skip over other things completely. i'm not good with transitions between scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i haven't done it, but if it would make sense for a fic, i might do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? stargate atlantis. i was very late to the fanfic party.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? it's called 'ellipsis' and is still with the beta. but of the ones i've already posted, either from this morning forward or yesterday's future.

Randomfoggytiger added additional questions:

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life? i mean it's a hobby but it's definitely also a way of life. there isn't ever a time when i don't think about writing and everything all the time connects in some way to a thing i'm writing and i can't imagine what i'd do without writing.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript? completed manuscript! or notes? uhh . . . both?

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration? everything. random things. i can't think of one specific thing, it can be literally anything.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing? both thoughts are equally awful lol

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective? yeah, i think so. not in any big way, but about smaller stuff, just the way i look at certain things? yes.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN? ao3!!! my tinkerbell brain loves the comment section, haha. also it's just so much nicer to read on ao3 and there's the download option, so also as a reader, def ao3.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it? 70.063 - no, i'm not satisfied with it. i used to write multi-chapters with more words. but it's a new account so yeah starting small again.

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably? jasper fforde's 'thursday next' series. it's where i stole my name from. literary detectives? oh man. it's the kind of story where you wish you'd had the idea first. go read it!!!!!

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it? i am really really lucky to have been given so many amazing compliments and i appreciate every single one. i couldn't say what means the most to me . . . probably when it's personal to the commenter? when someone tells me sth i've written touched them in some way. bc that's what i want to achieve.

10. What defines your writing style? lol idek man pretentious purple prose? i think i live somewhere between overuse of metaphors and focus on the rhythm of a text. i love writing in english bc it flows so nicely. idk is trying to make it sound nice a style bc then that's at least what i'm going for.

who hasn't been tagged? no pressure tags for @backintimeforstuff @nachosncheezies @actual-changeling and everybody else who wants to!

#this was fun thanks for tagging me!#i get so excited every time i get tagged in sth it makes me feel so cool lol #and these are always so much fun

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pagerunner-j · 1 year ago

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All right, all right. This is a bad idea! I've been trying not to cross these streams for a long time! But: fuck it. Who fics ahead!

Long story short: I used to write under another pen name. I stopped using it and deleted my old journal after some personal crap, which still makes me feel sad and stupid, and I'd wanted at the time to scrub the slate clean. Some of what's still kicking around under my old username, though, includes stories at whofic.com, which predates AO3 and still exists, doing its Whovian thing.

So after recent fandom flashbacks, I've been rereading my old stuff. Which has been...interesting!

Obligatory disclaimer: oh, god, do I want to edit everything. These date back as far as 2005, and so certain old habits linger, like the fact that I hadn't yet gotten over my torrid love affairs with the semicolon and the ellipsis. I want to fix the occasional dips into overwrought nonsense. I'm also looking at some of the more adult content and thinking, "Okay, that went from 0-60 a wee bit fast. Calm the hell down, self."

BUT: there's also stuff here I like! And about which I'm thinking "crap, I used to be good at this," because I can never leave myself alone!

Anyway, here's a few stories from the "this does not shame me" pile, plus notes:

Gen

Translations (Ten/Rose) Original description: There are some things the TARDIS doesn't translate, and some secrets of the Doctor's left unexplained. Rose is setting out to find out why.

Probably the best thing of mine on this archive, and one of the most developed narratives. The sneaky, sneaky merchant, whose storyline never quite gets resolved (on purpose), was one of my better ideas. The other was Rose interpreting the TARDIS console's layout as looking like a Gallifreyan word. And, for that matter, Rose's name looking like an actual flower. Thank you, DW designers, for a completely impractical but extremely cool-looking written language. Also, the fact that the marketplace has thirteen floors, and they were on the tenth? Yeah, yeah, that was on the nose. I note that since then, the showrunners have thrown the Doctor's thirteen-regenerations limit out the window, for perfectly understandable reasons, but it was still kicking around at the time.

Roundabout (Nine/Rose) Original description: Time and possibilities keep turning. an exploration of the Doctor and Rose's relationship throughout the series. Spoilers for all [first season] episodes.

The other one that I'd file under "hey, you wrote a story! And it's not bad! Good job, self!" file. I really loved Nine and Rose, and I went to town with it here. I also got completely self-indulgent in a few places. As one does. The scene at the club is my favorite on that account. This quip of Jack's to the Doctor was, among other things, a sidelong nod to a few of my feelings about American polarization, and believe me, It's worse now: "It's Saturday night. We're in one of the last great cities of post-Dissolution America. And the most handsome man in the club has just bought you an Electric Comet. Do yourself a favor. Get drunk." Also, the reason Rose thinks she knows the music that's playing is that it's 110% a quote from a Billie Piper song. I don't think anybody ever noticed, but it's there.

Outgeniused (or: How to Get Fired From the Apple Store in Three Easy Steps) (Ten, OC) Original description: Kate Stowe's seen a lot of strange problems come up at the Genius Bar, but this one qualifies as the strangest she's seen yet. Presenting a bit of shameless insanity, featuring the Doctor, a race of aliens with quite inconvenient taste, and several unorthodox ways to break your iPod's warranty. (In other words: crackfic ahead!)

I really wasn't kidding about that last line. This one is unabashed ridiculousness, inspired by your author doing a seasonal stint in Apple retail that left a goddamn mark. Sadly, the Doctor never swung by my store. A lot of real-life tidbits did make their way into this story, though. And despite all odds, it's got a plot! Fun facts (for nerds): the product line was accurate as of the time I wrote this. The iPod shuffle disclaimer I was talking about? That was absolutely a thing. And my favorite line is still the Doctor apologizing for not getting AppleCare, because I had to pitch that to so many people. I have never once bought it for myself. No regrets. Don't tell Tim. Also, apparently the UK really has gone all-in on Black Friday since I wrote this. I have to ask: why? Why must you import the worst of our capitalistic excesses? You really didn't have to! Le sigh.

The Naughty Bits

A Matter of Timing (Ten/Rose) Original description: In matters of love, sex and the technicalities thereof, somebody better be thinking ahead. Rose/Ten, post-Journey's End.

Short, sweet, and silly. This one's about Rose and the clone of Ten off in their parallel universe, and exists for the sake of the conversation they're having, which is in part about the mechanics of that whole cloning thing. Although it's mostly about the sex. Which they are absolutely and enthusiastically having the whole damn time. ("Haven't ever seen that on a clock" is still my favorite line.)

Slightly Psychic Confessions (Nine/Rose/Jack) Original description: Getting caught with slightly psychic paper in one's hands can be a dangerous thing indeed.

Like it says on the tin. 90% of the reason this was written was so I could play with the props, and the dialogue (both spoken and psychically transcribed) is the part I most enjoy, although I've been told the rest of it's pretty okay too. ...yes, the rest of it is a threesome. Stop looking at me like that.

Selfish Dreams (Ten/Rose) Original description: Wherein solutions to lingering nightmares lead to a different sort of sleeplessness. Slightly spoilery through "The Satan Pit."

Sometimes I get creepy, even with characters I love and will ship forever. This one was mostly me thinking through some of the...potentially fraught...implications of Ten's psychic abilities, and is one of my "I guess I'm preoccupied with nightmares and dreams, because I'm gonna come back to that in a few different ways" stories in this archive. Anyway, none of what they're up to here is what I'd consider a good idea. At least Rose enjoyed herself, though.

Forgetting the Nightmare (Nine/Jack) Original description: In which neither the Doctor nor Jack can get any sleep, but for very different reasons.

As I was saying. This is about a plot point from the show I'd forgotten about since writing this: Jack's two years of missing memory. (So, yes, apparently mine's missing too. It's been A LONG TIME, okay?) He's having some issues coming to terms with that. So how do I decide to have them address it? Boinking on the TARDIS floor, apparently. ...ahem. Anyway, as is the case with a lot of the shit I wrote, it's a little emotionally messy. It also hints at a few things that are still very much up for interpretation. Less in need of puzzling out is that yes, the two lost years are represented by the two burned-out lights on the console they're trying to fix, because I am occasionally as subtle as a brick.

Beyond Locked Doors (Ten/Reinette) Original description: A glimpse into Reinette's memories and dreams throughout the events of "The Girl in the Fireplace."

Yeah, this is one of those that dips into being overwrought, and yes, my inner editor is bitching at me about sacrificing clarity in the process. But writing from Reinette's POV was a fun exercise. It's a very different flavor from everything else here. Also, just to get this stated, you still can't tell me that the "dance with me" line in the show and those two disappearing off screen together wasn't also Moffat being subtle as a brick with his metaphors, so I still feel justified in writing this one. The (implied) sex was canon and I will die on that hill.

So Brief, In Bloom (Ten/Reinette) Original description: Wherein the Doctor thinks of other ways this could have gone.

And now...things go south. I'm pretty sure I'm the only weirdo who cared about this story. It is, let's be fair, also weird. This is about Ten being haunted by the idea of what might have happened if he did get Reinette to come along with him, and what the ramifications of that change might be. Not overtly stated, but it's there, is that in this alternate timeline, Rose didn't take well to this idea, and eventually left. The result is some Seriously Conflicted Feelings. And some ill-advised attempts at banishing them. I once got a comment on my old journal from somebody who didn't understand the last line. it's oblique on purpose, and you're invited to imagine your own version, but what was going on in my head was that back in the actual timeline, Ten absolutely had his way with Rose against that very same wall to try to scrub the idea of the other timeline out of his head. Considering that the wayward strand of hair he found could have belonged to either her or Reinette, though? It...didn't exactly help.

A Laugh Like Thunder (The Master/Lucy) Original description: The Master and Lucy on the eve of destruction, thinking of what's to come. (Spoilers through "The Sound of Drums.")

I'm including this here solely because I'd forgotten about it until I trawled back through my archive, and was thus smacked upside the head with the facts that A: it existed at all, B: this thing went places, and C: I started it off with, "On the eve of destruction, the Prime Minister tied his wife to the bedposts and began to think of another man." Go off, self.

#doctor who #fics

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firedragon1321 · 5 months ago

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The Semicolon Rant

I realized I fucking hate semicolons.

I hate them more than any other form of punctuation. The period, exclamation mark, and question mark are a classic trio. The comma? A little difficult, but still good. Dashes are great- even preferred. The ellipsis? He is my horribly neglected lover, reunited with me after ages of cringe kept him at bay. Even the normal old colon has its place. I like lists, and she likes lists. It works out.

Every piece of punctuation has a place. Every one. Except the goddamn semicolon.

It started with people sprinkling them in "for flavor" in bad fanfiction. Maybe to sound more serious or whatever whatever. Like, you are not writing the next great American novel. That is 1k Sora/Riku Kingdom Hearts smut. Over the years, my opinion on smut became more complex than this. But that is not the topic of this rant.

So semicolons. No-one uses them right, and even I do not understand them. They are the wannabe eldritch gods of punctuation. Stare them in the eye, and you lose all comprehension. All that matters is they're fancy. "Wow! A type of punctuation I didn't learn about in grade school!" Yeah, great, now stop putting them everywhere you useless lump of mud.

Semicolons do have a technical use. They're apparently used as substitute periods for linked ideas. I.e.- "I saw an owl; he was eating a mouse.". That is apparently correct grammar. But it burns my retinas like I'm two inches from the surface of the sun. I long for the cooling release of a period. It would be a ladder out of the absolute hell I have created just to show an example.

I couldn't even take notes for my editing class like a normal person. My notes say "fuck semicolons" in two distinct locations. Because I fucking hate them that much. Even when they should be used, even when it's okay, they wound me like tiny daggers. They probably do it with that little comma they got floating under them for funsies.

Semicolons are like that one guy who thinks he's at a fancy party all the time. You aren't hosting a fancy party. You catered from the local pizzeria. It's in your basement. Everyone else has a t-shirt and jeans. And then in comes the fucking semicolon like it's a formal affair.

He's got a fancy coat- freshly pressed- and nice clean pants. Maybe a top hat. It's a borderline tuxedo. He looks dashing. Perhaps too dashing. Everyone else feels disgustingly underdressed. And then you look closer and see the hand-stitches in the jacket. The snot on his handkerchief. One shoe is a little less polished than the other. Maybe- if you wait long enough- you'll spot the tag from Walmart still stuck to the back of his pants.

He's a liar. A pretender. A snake who wants legs. He thinks he's worth a million bucks, but he's barely worth a million pennies. He is nothing and he knows it. So he wraps it in layers of artificial luxury, hoping that will justify his miserable blink of existence. Most return to dust only after death. He is already dust.

And that's why I hate semicolons.

#semicolons #writing #writing community #writblr #writing memes #is this even a meme?#shitpost #fanfic #trying to make one of those posts with banger lines in it #its actually hard lol #there's actually a lot of grammar fails in here but this is a post for tumblr dot com

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starship--aurora · 1 year ago

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episode one liveblog (sort of) let’s go

jon sims you dramatic fucker. /aff

did not miss the four minutes of ads LMAO

you can HEAR the contempt in his voice as he talks about gertrude.

”i don’t count martin” giggling, i love asshole jon.

”tim, sasha, and. yes, i guess, martin.”

ANGLERFISH ANGLERFISH ANGLERFISH.

”recording by jonathan sims, head archivist of the magnus institute, london” DUDE. i don’t know why that took me so aback.

mike. like michael. goddamnit jonny sims, what’s it with mikes and michaels.

THE STATIC.

“can i have a cigarette?”

i love the background music so much.

i remember thinking how much he got into it, how much of a theatre kid he seemed to be.

ANGLERFISH.

”i looked at their feet, and saw that they weren’t quite touching the ground.”

torch. i always forget that torches are the same thing as flashlights.

“statement ends, this was fucking stupid”

sasha mention <3

”look at this drunk creeper, ell-oh-ell.” i hate how he says lol, i don’t know what it is about it LMAO.

episode two!

JOSHUA GILLESPIE <3

i remember one time while rambling to my mother about joshua, she kept thinking i was saying “lesbian” and not “gillespie”.

got bored this is being continued hours later.

joshua gillespie you absolute fucker, i love you and want to kiss you on the mouth.

oh no, what ever shall you do, waking up with the key.

”perhaps a bit elaborate” Joshy Boy Elaborate Is What You Need.

”it’s odd how fear can become as routine as hunger.”

yeah, my living room coffin is making weird noises, Music Time.

ooo, knock knock.

hi john. surprised to see you, shocked to see me.

smash smash on the ground.

breekon and hope, let’s go. i love.

joshua gillespie, the hero. we salute you.

”it’s always nice to hear my hometown isn’t always devoid of odd happenings”

giggle that was great.

episode three!!

tmagp ad, oh em gee (<- this loser listened to tmagp premier today and is very normal about it)

”she sleeps with other women” what is this ad, i want to listen to this podcast. /hj

”rusty quill presents… the magnus archives…” stop with your verbal ellipsis, dude. LMAO

”jonathan sims, head archivist of the magnus institute, london”

GRAHAM!!!!! I love Graham so much.

”hey man, i always see you writing, how’s your notes coming along?” “i. i don’t take notes?”

sexy graham rights.

the amount of times i’ve had to rewind because i didn’t process it.

“hey graham” “HOLY SHIT”

public transport is scary, no judgement there.

i honestly never understood the statement giver’s discomfort with graham. to the point you couldn’t even let him see which building.

yeowch graham what did you do. 😔

“apparently he was gay.”

weird hooks weird hooks weird hooks woo.

graham’s notebooks 🥰.

graham honestly sounds like an interesting guy, i think if i’d ever met him, i’d befriend him.

TABLE. WAIT, IS IT THE TABLE USED TO TRAP NOTTHEM?

wait. wait wait wait. oh my god.

it is i think.

stalking your coworkers is Creepy. jon, please don’t take ideas. (jon then proceeds to take ideas)

driving through ohio at night is fun, ngl.

i saw him take one of his notebooks. he ate it.

wowza, all sexy gay people eat notebooks, do you eat notebooks?

“i even saw him freak out at the ice cream truck” that is honestly me. any loud sound? i panic like there’s no tomorrow

memorizing his pizza order <3

fuck capitalism. (“i had to drop out of the college course to work late nights”)

notthem notthem notthem wooohooo

okay i take it back, ohio backroads are NOT fun at night.

notthem <3

yeah i kinda. just stood there.

the background music slow rising!!

”from my months of watching” haha

not!graham!!

imposter? like…… among…

i love the description so much.

aw man, bye notebooks ✌️

hey amy, i’m going to come to your house.

statement ends!

tim mention ❤️❤️❤️.

“i trust coworker testimony as far as i can burn it.”

ohio hills and sharp turns at night are not fun, my stomach is in my throat.

JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL

KEEP WATCHING.

#tma #the magnus archives #live-blogging #i discovered my attention span is absolutely horrible #the first two episodes were listened to at like 10:00 this morning then decided i was bored and listened to the mechs for the next few hour #i only started episode three at like 6:30-7:00 PM #mag 1 #mag 2 #mag 3 #edit forgot to mention this is a relisten

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jonathan-parra-acero · 7 months ago

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I’m... in love with this movie 😊. It’s a little beautiful gem ❤️. It’s a “Groundhog Day,” but with two people caught in the temporal loop. It’s an intelligent story, properly developed and, then, it needs no huge budget to be visually impresive.

- Sarah! Sarah, wait! Wait! I get it now. You were right. I was scared, but I’m not anymore. Look, Sarah, from the first time that I saw you--

- Oh, stop. Stop it. Nyles, I don’t want another one of your speeches, all right? ... ... You get one more sentence.

- Okay. Okay. Even though, I pretend not to be, I’ve realized that I’m completely codependent, but I’m cool with it. Because I think that life should be shared, now. And, I need you to survive.

- Okay. That’s your one sentence.

- I- I- I need you to survive, comma, but it’s so much more than that. Uh, colon, he-he, I know you better than anyone knows you. And remember that night when we saw the dinosaurs? You said yourself, in order to really know a person you have to see the entire package, the good and the bad. And I’ve seen your package and it is excellent, Sarah. Ampersand... you’re my favorite person I’ve ever met. And, yes, I know that there’s crazy odds that the person I like the most in my entire life would be someone I met when I was stuck in a time loop, but you know what else is crazy odss? Getting stuck in a time loop! Dot, dot, dot...

- Ellipsis.

- Ellipsis. Thank you.

- Call them ellipsis.

- Ellipsis. Look. I hope that blowing ourselves up works, but it’s really irrelevant to me, as long as I’m with you. And if it kills us, well then, I’d rather die with you than live in this world without you, emphatic period.

- That was a grammatical nightmare.

- Yeah. I hope it didn’t distract from my point too much.

- I mean, an enfatic period it’s just an exclamation point.

- I didn’t want to seem desperate.

- What if we get sick of each other?

- We’re already sick of each other. It’s the best.

- I can survive just fine without you, you know? But there-- There’s a chance that this life can be a little less mundane with you in it.

- Yeah. Less mundane. That’s super low bar. That’s a great place to start.

- Okay.

----

- In case I don’t see you again, I love you, too.

Palm Springs - 2020

#movies #palm springs #cristin milioti #andy samberg #j k simmons

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louisawells · 5 months ago

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Part Three: Wildfire...

Part Three: Wildfire

I fully intended to write and share this part three much sooner than this; directly following part two. But, there’s something to be learned about waiting to write or tell a story while it’s still in process.

I leave for New York in three days. My two and a half (or so) months in Copenhagen will be coming to a pause. I say pause, not end, because for all intents and purposes, it truly doesn't feel like this is the end. I don’t see my time in Copenhagen as coming to an end but rather this is the end for this particular moment in my life.

From the moment God fanned the flame that he ignited in my heart to come here, as soon as I landed it was as if I was being propelled forward by a wildfire ever at my heels. I jumped right into life in Denmark: going on dates within a few days of my arrival, buying (not renting) a used bike, and becoming a regular at a church where the sermons are in Danish (no, my Danish is not that good to the point that I can understand an entire church sermon). There were so many moments within the first month that surprised me in the best way. Meeting people who would become friends I’d confide in in moments of true vulnerability, being able to dip my toes into the photo industry here, and seeing how God is building his church (God bless everyone who shows up when sometimes the congregation is but 10 people in total).

There were also many moments where I was brought to my knees in humility and looking back, that first month was the third time I can recall in my life where, at a very low point, I felt God showing me where I was not seeing myself for who I was meant to be.

Going on dates (for the first time after many months of hiatus) helped me to see that I am worthy of so much love.

Feeling “alien” in a city where, yes, English is widely spoken but to truly be part of the culture, an entire other language is needed, helped me see my own vulnerabilities as a human and learn to embrace the uncomfortable.

Not knowing anyone in Denmark before arriving helped me to embrace an attitude of “yes” – I was saying yes to meeting new people and visiting places I felt nudged to go because of the possibility of something great on the other side of my yes.

Those first few weeks, filled with all of the aforementioned trials and tribulations, the darkness seemed to be closing in. But I had been there before, and being somewhere before helps you develop a familiarity and a tenacity. I’ve grown to understand you can either embrace that same circumstance like an unwanted, artificial support blanket, or you can learn to try another way. There’s a verse in the bible that I love to read: “know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow…”(James 1:3-4a)

I let flames of the wildfire of my faith spur me on. I knew that God helped me get here (and get me out of my dark night of the soul last year) and so he surely wouldn’t leave me this time either. That’s not who he is.

Many people have asked me, “what’s next?” To which I reply, I simply don’t know yet. I want to stay (or rather, come back). I can genuinely see myself living in Copenhagen for some extended period of time. There are various obstacles and barriers on the horizon to get there, but I also know that whatever is to come, though it may not be easy, will surely be good (check out Psalm 84:11). I’ll be in NYC for the foreseeable few months after that, we will see. If I could do this, I’m truly excited for what else is possible for me and where else I can go.

To end, I wanted to share an entry from my journal that I wrote on a plane a few weeks before my trip to Copenhagen. I often journal my prayers and thoughts as a way to look back and see how God responded later or to see where my mind was at (I am frequently amused at how fickle I am).

Ellipsis

In the ellipsis, I wait for the answers to come.

I step into the space from where and who I was to the ever-present becoming. In the ellipsis, I hold things with loose fingers, willing to trust that some items may slip from my grasp (truthfully, they were always God’s to carry anyway).

In the ellipsis, I wonder if I’ve brought too much. Are my bags too heavy, did I overpack, overthink? I trust that as I move through the months, I can keep what needs to be kept close, say goodbye to the things that are ornamental, and still hold on to the questions that remain.

In the ellipsis, I want my yeses to be yeses and my nos to be nos. With each pause and each breath, I become more authentically me.

In this pause, I pause and rest. Simply because I can. In the ellipsis, I wonder how I say goodbye and hello. I recognize that some goodbyes will be periods while others will only be semicolons or commas.

#louisa wells #copenhagen writings

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222221144 · 1 year ago

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piratefishmama · 5 months ago

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best advice i can ever give on dialogue, is to speak your characters dialogue outloud. Sure you may sound like you belong in a rubber room to your family if they're around, but it'll up your dialogue game!

ask yourself:

Do the words flow properly from the mouth without getting tongue tied?

Do the words sound like they're in the right order? (This happens a lot with profanities in dialogue, "fuck" is always put in the wrong place idk why but it's a GREAT way to tell if someone uses that word often or not irl cause saying it outloud would for sure show you it's in the wrong place lmao)

Does it sound like something an actual person would say? (And i mean REALLY? could you imagine anyone saying those words?)

Are they nervous, are they stammering? Find a way to incorporate that.

like��like sometimes... sometimes i'll switch between—between the em dash, and... and the ellipsis. Because one looks like a pause, and the other looks like someone's stammering through a sentence. Get me? Just find a way to make it CLEAR your characters arent just reading robotically from a page!

Use descriptors AROUND your dialogue to describe the way they act physically while nervous, fidgetting, eyes unable to settle on something, etc.

doing all this is a real easy way to boost your word counts too!

realistic dialogue is also. stuttering. unfinished sentences. rambling. pauses. repeating words. sometimes confusing the shit out of their conversational partner. non-questions that end in a question mark. the "um" and "uh" and "i mean" and "like" and "well" sprinkled in there.

you know? people dont talk very smoothly in real life. you dont want your dialogue to sound like the characters are reading from a script - unless they're saying something they practiced half a dozen times in the mirror?

#advice

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statementprintmail · 1 year ago

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sammydem0n64 · 2 years ago

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Love super specific vocal related headcanons for ocs. I will list some of them off the top of my head bc its so fun

-Melphis always speaks incredibly slowly. Even when I’m not writing him with 1000 ellipsis between every five words, he still speaks slow and precise. Everytime he opens his mouth you can see in his eyes that he’s trying to formulate his thoughts, say the right thing, hence why he takes his time. He’s also just generally not used to talking for long periods of time, so it takes extra long for him to formulate his sentences, even when he’s not in a bad mood and knows exactly what to say. He only quickens the pace of his speech when he’s PISSED!!

-Sukir’s whole way of speaking is in the form of tangents. Its common for him to drop a whole essay full of “um”s and “like”s and “uhs” and “yeahs” when the thing he needed to say was meant to be a mere sentence. Unless he’s thinking really hard and catches himself, he just talks a whole lot of nonsense

-Peppark speaks completely monotone; she gets straight to the point and her words never hold any definable emotion. Even with Chocip and her parents (her favorite people) she doesn’t show any inflection

-Nazareth’s tone nearly always seems to be the opposite of what her words truly mean. For example, if she compliments someone, you could easily think she’s being sarcastic or secretly bitchy, and on the other side of the coin if she’s being bitchy she conveys this in a tone that makes it seem like she’s joking. This just makes her even more mysterious and vague imo, since to many it’s impossible to tell her ideals due to her inconsitancy

-Bianca has a vocal stim that I can only describe as, like, a chirp. Whenever I run around my room (neurodivergent zoomies) sometimes I make a chirp sound that I’m unable to recreate outside of these circumstances, and since it happens at random for only a split second I can’t fully describe the sound! The same happens with Bianca

-Despite most of my ocs’ voice claims being singers, most of them can’t sing lol, but hey if they really tried to then I think they’ll do great by merit of their voice claims!

-Zeo’s cadenece and vocabulary relies on unprofessionalism. He’s always using terms like “ya” instead of you and congegates as many words as possible, all while keeping profanities. Even in more serious scenarios he keeps this tone of voice, which is off putting to some because you can’t really tell someone that their husband died in a gang shootout like “Ya husband got fuckin’ murked. Yea he’s fucking dead. Got his brains blown out, crazy huh? Yea if only he didn’t get his shit rocked but anywayyssssss buh-bye miss-”

#demon's ocs

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thebreakfastgenie · 2 years ago

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I have read that chapter and I think it's an awfully big leap to ascribe particular meaning to that. As an autobiography, it has a loosely chronological organization so it may be placed in that chapter because of the timing--Mike was an outspoken ally before MASH, but his time on MASH coincided with gay rights beginning to get a lot national attention. MASH is also connected to all of his activist work simply because of the recognition it brought him. The reason for the ellipsis is the next chapter, which deals with his life immediately after the end of MASH, is title "...and Beyond." It's "B.J....and Beyond" referring to those significant stages of his life.

It doesn't surprise me that Mike is supportive of fans choosing to interpret his character as gay. That's exactly the response I expected from him; similar to what Mark Hamill has said about Luke Skywalker. It's a really nice thing for fans, and I'm happy that he's supportive, when many creators still are not.

To address @pomegranate, I was on mashblr a year ago so I watched all of this go down. I don't want this to be misconstrued as an attempt to reinforce your imposter syndrome. I think you presented a great perspective. I'm just presenting mine as well as some things I was able to observe.

First, I don't think anyone is claiming the 2021 interview (which was discovered by mashblr in 2022) is the origin of "BJ goes to Maine." That has been a popular fic trope since 2020. There was as flurry of "BJ goes to Maine" fics in February 2022 and from that point on there have been a lot of tags referencing variations on "BJ would walk across the country."

Most of the posts--then and now--stopped at "BJ would walk across the country if it meant spending time in Hawkeye's company." OP is not the first person I've spoken to personally who did not even know the rest of the quote existed. It is important to read and listen to things and form your own opinion, but it is also naïve to deny that this quote was widely misrepresented. I was suspicious of the hype from the beginning, so I immediately watched the interview myself, and my suspicions were confirmed. There was post after post to the effect of "Mike said BJ goes to Maine!" I would not be surprised if a not-insignificant part of the fandom believed he used the word "Maine" at any point in the interview. I think it's accurate to say there is selective memory being implemented here, which may or not be willful.

I absolutely agree with your assessment that there is a certain faction of shippers that desires confirmation or some sort of canon validation. I can't grasp that mentality either. But that faction of the fandom did and does attempt to spin this isolated quote from that interview as some kind of confirmation from Mike.

People may not have expected Mike to say "Hawkeye and BJ live happily ever after," but people reacted as if he did. There were posts saying he did, and those weren't literal, but they are part of a pattern. There are a lot of posts claiming Mike Farrell was playing BJ as gay, and I do understand that they're largely memes, but when something is repeated enough times as a meme it begins to accrue a certain level of sincerity. I've watched this happen repeatedly on this website, both in fandom contexts and much higher-stakes situations. I'm certainly not saying that every shipper or even the majority engaged in this, but it undeniably happened and continues to happen, and it is that phenomenon that OP is responding to.

I certainly don't look at the full quote as disproving anything, and I don't think OP does either, but it does seriously recontextualize the part that was widely shared. I won't speak for anyone else, but I'm annoyed the whole quote isn't being shared--and that a lot of it is being erased--because the quote, in full, means a lot to me and feels in line with my interpretation of the show.

I see it as more bittersweet than depressing. The absolute thesis of post-war BJ and Hawkeye to me is they have separate lives, so hearing Mike say that was really gratifying! The bond they shared will always exist, but it doesn't hold them together; they've gone in different directions. And that's sad, because we see how close they are in the show. But it's also a good thing, because it means they move on with their lives and aren't defined by the war. Even without such traumatic circumstances, drifting away from the people you were once closest to without loving them any less is a big part of life. That's what I got from this interview and I love it more than I can express. "They made a point of seeing each other again" only underscores that they had to make an effort to see each other, because they are no longer a constant presence in each other's lives. It's about how close they remain, but also, as OP said, how they're not as close as they used to be.

Those of us who are interested in that story, who feel that very deeply, want to see the full quote because it's important to us. Because it tells us something more about Mike's interpretation of what happens later in the characters' lives.

I think the quote is mostly a reiteration of BJ's determination in GFA. It tells us, perhaps unsurprisingly, that Mike thinks BJ is sincere in his promise to see Hawkeye again and keeps it. For what it's worth, Alan Alda has also answered this question:

[laughing] I have no idea. They'd meet again if I wanted them to. If they were both available for a show they would certainly have met again.

All OP is really saying is that the full context gives a very different impression of the interview than the shortened quote that was widely circulated.

Hey. Hey why the FUCK did everyone try to convince me that Bj walks to Maine was gay instead of really depressing.

The whole quote: "BJ would walk across the country to spend time in Hawkeye's company, and it probably wouldn't have been as wonderful as he'd have hoped it was, because their lives have gone in different directions."

Like it’s literally he puts in all this effort to see him and keep his promise, and then they’re different people than they were in the war and it’s not a very good time. Like that’s the OPPOSITE of gay that’s “they’re not as close as friends as they used to be.”

#I wrote all my bittersweet feelings about this quote into a fic #where they DO see each other and it's left open if it will happen again #and it's very much about the way closeness remains even as the distance grows between them #mashposting

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blurredcolour · 2 years ago

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Nom De Plume | Part One

Nom De Plume Masterlist

Summary: Filming is scheduled to begin in a few days and you find yourself posing as Assistant Script Writer during the first table read of your script.

Pairing: Austin Butler x Female Reader

Warnings: Some Fluff, Some Awkward Reader, Austin With a Cajun Accent, Vague Understanding of Movie Production, Excessive Use of Ellipsis

Author's Note: Welcome to Part One! I've made the decision to write Austin's dialogue to reflect his Cajun accent, I apologize if that makes it difficult to read.

Word Count: 5676

»» ────── ஓ ๑ ✧ ๑ ஓ ────── ««

“This was a mistake” you hissed to script writer Pearce McCarthy as you walked into the expansive conference room at Pinewood Studios outside London.

A large square of tables with a copy of the script waiting in front of each chair anchored the space. Additional chairs lined the walls. The room was full of beautiful people, buzzing with the sound of greetings and conversation. You did not belong here.

It was an idea born at 3:36 AM, halfway into a celebratory bottle of gin. Pearce had been agonizing over the sole responsibility of protecting the script you two had laboured on over the past year. The script based on the novel that you had laboured on for three years before that. “I do not want to give up my normal life for this! I published under a pseudonym for a very sound reason, and I am loathe to blow that up!” You had argued. “But if they don’t do it right, how would we fucking live with ourselves?!” He had been remarkably close to tears, and you had found yourself blinking back your own. “It’s not like I can just pretend to be someone else on set, Pearce. I trust you, and I’ll always have my phone ready.” You had tried to reason, tried to reassure. He had looked up to you, blinking his bleary eyes to focus. “But why can’t you? Hide in plain sight!!” He had declared and despite the heated five-day-long argument that ensued, here you were, assistant to the script writer, arriving for the first table read of the assembled cast. “You’re going to do great.” He patted your shoulder, guiding you to one of the chairs along the wall, behind the director. He took a seat beside you, adjusting the waistband of his black jeans to ensure they sat just right beneath his button up and sweater combo. “This is the best way for you take gain experience and you are the right person for the job.” He continued, smoothing his hand along his black hair that now sported a shock of silver at each temple. Writing with you was apparently a stressful experience. What a damn liar. He should be an actor at the main table, you thought bitterly as you pulled your own well-worn copy of the script from your bag. You lay the binder across your denim-clad knees, grateful again that Pearce had at least had the decency to help you dress the part. A pair of nicer jeans and a blouse. You fit right in with the rest of the production staff. Actors, it seemed, were able to dress down a little more…hoodies, long-sleeved t-shirts…You supposed it was because they would eventually be in costume.

A rainbow of sticky notes fanned out from the pages in your binder, colour-coded by filming location. This entire process was foreign to you. But, you tried to remind yourself, so was writing a novel and you had managed that. Restricted to writing outside your working hours, it had been slow going, but the story had quite simply possessed you and you really hadn’t had much say in the matter. While you had not been able to afford a trip to France for research into your main character Yvette, you had spent a week in Louisiana. You had also taken some lessons in Cajun French which had been crucial in defining who exactly the love interest of the story, Antoine Thibodeaux, was.

And your novel had done well. You’d had a choice of several publishers and ended up with an extremely proactive agent who had negotiated film rights, with the option for you to work with the script writer. All before the book had been officially released. For something that had been entirely yours for years to suddenly become so public had left you feeling quite naked. Even though the triumphant novel had been published under your pen name – Sloan Thornton. You were a private person, a normal person, with a regular career and regular hobbies. Truthfully, the idea of a public life terrified you, and never seemed to be one of much happiness for those under the intense scrutiny of fame. You simply had had a story to tell and had not wanted that to ruin your life.

The buzz in the room swelled in excitement as a wave of expensive perfume wafted past you, making you raise your head. The tall, slender frame of a gorgeous brunette stood to your right, holding court as everyone called out greetings to her. Cloé Elgin. She certainly had the look of Yvette, with her fine, French features courtesy of her French model of a mother. Though she would need some flattening out to reflect the main character at her lowest. She was actively basking in the attention, wearing a green silk wrap dress and precipitously tall heels. By far the best-dressed person there and she knew it.

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed a head of sandy-blonde, tousled waves making its way from the back of the room. You turned to focus on the owner of said hair properly and swallowed thickly to see Austin Butler, cast to play Antoine, greeting his leading lady. Oh, but they did look good together…you pressed your hand to your stomach as you felt suddenly emotional about the whole thing. Pearce elbowed you in the side in an I-told-you-so gesture which you returned with an icy glare, all the while fighting the urge to smile.

Greta Gerwig, director, took a seat and the rest of the room followed suit.

“Welcome, everyone, to the first table read for At Any Cost. I hope you are all as excited as I am to re-define what a collaborator really was. Let’s start with introductions.”

You sat up straighter and took notice as people began giving their names and job titles, wanting to be a good colleague. Well, as good as one could be considered when they were a liar.

Cloé introduced herself with a French accent that you knew was one she had been working on for the role. You had watched her other films when you’d received the casting report. She didn’t have many impressive credits under her belt, but she was young, and you trusted that Greta knew what she was doing. Besides, Austin Butler had been little more than a sporadic TV role pretty boy until he landed Elvis. The past did not define the future. All eyes moved to him as it was his turn next.

“I’m Austin Butler, I play tha role o’ Antoine Thibodeaux.” He drawled in his swamps-of-Louisiana, Cajun-French laced accent, also built for his role.

There was an overabundance of saliva in your mouth, and you swallowed thickly, looking down as he made a point of making eye contact with everyone in the room. You were blushing like a schoolgirl, and it was mortifying. The introductions continued and you grew increasingly nervous as your turn was approaching. Five words. You could manage this. Pearce gave his name and title before looking to you expectantly and you took a steadying breath before saying your full, real name. There was a thrill of terror in your chest before you quickly added your job title.

“Assistant Script Writer.” You schooled your face into a smile and turned to look at the person sitting to your right.

You were vaguely aware of the flash of azure blue eyes on the periphery of your vision. Aware that they were trained on your face. You firmly kept your gaze on the Continuity supervisor, Meredith, as she then looked to her assistant. You felt a little relief as the introductions came to an end and everyone focused on the scripts before them again. Paper. You were so much better on paper.

Unfortunately, it did not get any easier for you from there. The emotion that had fluttered to life in your stomach as you had laid eyes on the leading couple only swelled as the story, your story, began coming to life. It was by no means polished or perfect, it was after all the first time everyone was testing this out together. It felt more like a radio play, and it was punctuated by the dead-pan voice of the assistant director reading staging directions. But the characters who had lived only inside your head, or in theoretical conversations with Pearce, were speaking.

Greta and yourself, as Sloan, had been insistent that Yvette and the characters in France would speak in French. Antoine would speak mainly in English, with Cajun French phrases mixed in. You had gotten around the language issue in the novel by italicizing any dialogue in a language other than English. Well, not all. You had used that online course in Cajun French to include some phrases in Antoine’s dialogue. But film, film was entirely different. Thankfully, the studio had arranged for you and Pearce to submit lines intended to be delivered in French and German for professional translation with a strong emphasis on the language of the time period.

The script sounded good. It flowed and it felt authentic. You had a pencil in your hand, tracking along with the words as they were spoken, circling problematic things, underlining things you really liked. And sniffling a little as tears of awe pricked the corners of your eyes. What a sap you were turning out to be. About halfway through, Greta called a bio break and trays of sandwiches were carried in. You quickly wiped at your eyes before checking your watch, shocked to see that it was near one o’clock already.

Pearce leaned in and flipped back a few pages in your script, tapping a phrase you had circled.

“See I thought that fell flat, too.” He muttered.

“Yeah, one for the military geeks but it doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the story hmmm?” You scribbled a note in the margin to revisit it. “We should replace it with something more meaningful to their relationship.”

Pearce opened his mouth and took a breath to speak but when nothing came out you raised your head and inhaled sharply to see Austin standing right in front of the two of you.

“I’m so sorry ta interrupt, I was just…well I was wonderin’ if it would be all righ’ to run some things by ya, Pearce?”

You pressed your lips together and looked to Pearce, trying to ignore the way Austin’s cologne enveloped you and invaded your senses. Was that a hint of cedar?

“Of course, Mr. Butler, any time.” He replied warmly and Austin snagged an empty chair, turning it to sit in front of the pair of you.

“Oh please, call me Austin.” He sat with his legs spread generously and you did your best to focus on the script in your lap rather than on his lap. “I jus’ wanted ta be sure I was getting’ tha emotion righ’ when Antoine is talkin’ ‘bout his family. I read it with a sense o’ stubborn pride but…well I know ya had tha opportunity to work with tha author…”

Your grip on your pencil cut off the circulation to your fingertips, making the skin turn white.

“…and I wondered if ya had any insight on tha Thibodeaux family as a whole?” He finished.

“Of course, yes. I think stubborn pride nails it right on the head. The Acadians did not have a very good run of it, so there is that aggressive self-sufficiency. Would you agree?” Pearce turned to look at you and you raised your head again. “What do you think Sloan would say?”

Your lips trembled a little before you cleared your throat, acutely aware of the fact that Austin was bathing you in his undivided attention.

“I think…she would say the same. There’s a pride that they don’t need anyone’s help. They carved a living out of the swamp, and they might not have money but they do have abundance. Friends, family, food. That’s all the riches they need, and they’re proud of it. So…so I think you have the right tone for that line. Austin.” You risked a moment of eye contact and felt fairly blinded by the brilliance of his relieved grin.

“Fantastic, great. Thank ya verra much. Would ya, the two of ya, mind if I tapped into yer expertise from time ta time? I jus’…really liked tha book and I want ta get it righ’.”

You flushed with pride and nodded quickly, quite speechless at that.

“Of course…we both had the opportunity to work closely with Sloan on the script and we are here to make sure her novel is at the heart of this film.” Thank god Pearce was able to reply.

The tabs on the edges of your script fluttered under his exploratory fingers.

“Yer verra organized.” Austin remarked in awe, speaking gently as though you were a skittish cat.

“Thank you, I…well I’m a bit new to all this. Very grateful for Pearce’s guidance.” You smiled softly. “Each colour is for a different location. Of course, I’ll add more once it gets mores specific but…”

“Hey Aus…” Cloé purred as she curled her fingers into his shoulder, having suddenly appeared with a plate of sandwiches. “I grabbed you some food, come eat.”

She didn’t even acknowledge Pearce…or yourself – not that you expected that given your role on the production team.

“Thank ya both, again.” Austin said warmly, shaking hands firmly with Pearce before offering his hand to you.

You slid your hand into his, swallowing as he cupped it in both of his warm, broad palms as he shook it. He made his excuses and followed after Cloé to settle back in their seats at the table.

“Anything you want me to avoid?” Pearce asked as he stood, and you scrambled to your feet.

“Assistant. I should get your food. No bell peppers, right?” You asked and once you received a nod in the affirmative you headed to the back of the room to fetch some sandwiches for the two of you.

Once everyone had a chance to eat, the table read resumed and you lost yourself completely in your task, the rest of the afternoon melting away. The room erupted into applause as the last line of the script was read and you straightened slowly, pulling yourself back into your body.

“Sounds an awful lot like a good movie, no?” Pearce grinned at you, and you smiled brightly in reply.

“We still have polishing to do though…it can be better…” You replied, glancing back down at your notes.

“Yes, yes. That’s tomorrow’s problem.” He laughed and you collected your things as everyone began filing out. Some headed home, some headed to their offices to work a few more hours.

You smiled shyly as Austin caught your eye on his way out, offering you a minimalist wave of an open palm rotating once to the right. You responded with a similar gesture before Cloé inserted her arm through his, hugging his bicep as she led him out babbling about how they were staying in the same building.

“I’ll see you tomorrow? My mum has insisted I come home for dinner…we’re only in England for six more weeks, right?” He huffed dramatically and you laughed brightly.

“Stop complaining and go eat your roast beef and Yorkshire puddings.” Shaking your head, you saw him off before heading to the office you two shared.

You laid out the scripts on the table, unable to stop yourself from looking over the notes he had taken throughout the day. Pearce had script writing credits on many big-name pictures, and you valued his opinion highly. Yet he had also been so utterly and completely generous with his time and expertise, truly listening to your input and walking through how to get across the feeling from your book in the very different medium of film.

The vibration of your phone startled you out of your review of the notes and you laughed brightly as it was a series of text messages from Pearce in all-caps demanding you go home that instant. You tidied up a little and locked the office before heading down to catch the shuttle bus to Slough station. Pearce had timed his message just right, ensuring you caught the last run. The shuttle was packed, as usual. You’d never found a time when it wasn’t.

All told, it was only fifteen minutes before you were in your one-bedroom flat in Slough. It was not cheap, but you considered the price worth protecting the integrity of your novel. You did your best to distract yourself with some leftover take-out and TV before eventually giving in to your baser urges and scribbling frantically in your notebook as ideas were born to address the notes both you and Pearce had made from the reading that day.

After less than enough sleep, you headed back in the next morning eager to iron out the wrinkles. Pearce was waiting, with tea freshly brewed and leftovers courtesy of his mum in the mini fridge in the corner of the office. The hallways were packed, buzzing with activity as departments were ramping up for the start of filming in two days. There were so many knocks, people needing copies of scripts or clarifications or confirmations, that you two left the door open as you dug into the pinch points of the script.

There was an easy flow between you and Pearce. You riffed off one another, throwing out bits of dialogue until something would fall into place.

“But how do you kill a gator? Or, uh, a cocodrie?” You rolled your eyes as you immediately hated the line, even with the Cajun French, and Pearce crinkled his nose with a head shake.

“Why would you take on something with so many teeth?” He replied and you both sighed as it just…wasn’t…

“Who decided that the predator should become the prey?” You offered after a moment of silence and you both jumped as Austin’s voice replied from the doorway.

“A verra, verra hungry man, cherie. Nothin’ can dissuade that kinda man from a meal. Not even a rotten maw packed full o’ teeth.”

Turning back to look at him, your throat constricted as you saw him standing there in full paratrooper uniform. A uniform with every fold and patch and detail you had dutifully described. It was more than a little surreal, especially now that he was in costume. Antoine made flesh. You were vaguely aware of Pearce making sounds. Sounds that resembled your name. He was saying your name.

“Shit, sorry Pearce.” You turned back to your laptop, frantically typing out the lines next to each other.

“Nah, I should apologize I jus’ waltzed in here unannounced.” Austin murmured guiltily. “Jus’ walkin’ around, gettin’ a feel for tha costume. I should leave ya to it…”

“Hey no, thank you we were really stuck there. I think that’s got it?” Pearce looked in your direction and you nodded quickly, hitting save.

You braced yourself and turned back to look at Austin with a smile.

“Thank you, you just startled me is all. We’ll get the updated pages out as soon as possible, just need to send them off to translation.” You bit your lip as him in that costume was still overwhelming even when you’d prepared yourself for it.

He relaxed a little, smiling in relief before stepping into the room fully. You had put up notes, reference images, and cast photos around the room to create a visually inspiring space. Polishing was probably the most difficult part of the writing process – something that novel and script writing actually had in common. So, anything you could do to help the exercise was effort well spent.

There was a knock on the door as Emily from the production office asked Pearce to step into the production meeting and he stood.

“Start thinking about that male bonding scene while they’re waiting to fly out, that scene is filming in two weeks.” He shook his finger as you made a face. Male bonding was not something that came naturally to yourself or Pearce.

You tensed as you heard a chuckle off to your right and bit your lip as you remembered Austin was still prowling about.

“Of course, see you when you get back.” You quickly dashed off the email to the translators before turning your script pages to the scene that needed a little more…authenticity? Life?

“It didn’ quite…flow did it…” Austin commented as he assumed Pearce’s armchair beside you, and you shook your head with a frown.

“It wasn’t bad when we submitted the script to the director but…well we...Sloan and Pearce agreed it could be better.”

You held your breath as he leaned in closer to read the faint pencil scratches of your notes from the table read. The scent of rosewood and cinnamon mingled in the air around him, flooding your senses as a blush warmed its way across your cheeks and down your throat past the neck of your shirt.

“Forced joviality, calm mask over terror…” He read the notes aloud and you looked to him quickly, impressed that he could decipher your scribbles.

“Right…it can’t just be a conversation; it needs to do something. Show how they’re pretending not to be terrified but also that they are close so that when they suddenly show up to rescue Antoine you…”

“It’s nah jus’ out o’ tha blue, it makes sense ‘cuz o’ their connection.” He finished your statement, his eyes meeting yours thoughtfully.

“I’m…” You cut yourself off before your words gave you away. “… am also aware that Sloan is terrified of this scene just reading like Band of Brothers. There was a lot of debate about putting it in the film. But it’s necessary.” You chewed on the end of your pencil, a filthy habit that you just could not give up.

“When was tha last time ya watched Band o’ Brothers?” He asked, fingers fishing into one of his many utility pockets before producing his phone.

“Mmmm probably a year ago since this issue last came up?” You tilted your head looking at him curiously.

“All righ’ so…let’s watch it ‘n’ write down all tha things that make it unique.”

He propped his phone up against the screen of your laptop and pressed play on episode one as you stared in disbelief. This man was the lead actor of the film and here he was trying to help you…you who he thought was just a script assistant, get over your nerves. People weren’t like this in normal life, were they?!

“There’s two…tarmac scenes if I remember correctly…because the first jump was called off…Near the end of the episode…” You murmured awkwardly, feeling the need to say something in the face of his generosity.

Using his remarkably long and shapely forefinger, he scrubbed the video forward until he found the spot you were looking for. You grabbed some scrap paper and offered him some pages and a fresh pen before the two of you began quickly taking notes as the scene played on his phone screen.

As the planes took off, he pressed pause and looked to you. You both had jotted words and a few phrases to describe it.

“A lot more serious than I remembered…” You muttered and he nodded quickly.

“I think, if ya ‘n’ Pearce still went with tha veneer of humour it’ll get tha point across, be different, achieve yer goals.”

You smiled a little in relief and nodded. “Any male bonding tips?” You laughed ruefully.

“Mockery. Men make fun o’ each other when they bond, usually.”

“So maybe…jabs about things that happened during training…that show how long they’ve known each other…” You chewed the poor pencil again, oblivious to the way his eyes were tracing the shape of your mouth.

There was another knock on the door and Austin suddenly looked very guilty.

“Sorry Sue, I got distracted.” He apologized to a woman you recognized as working in wardrobe. “You’ve got some good ideas, thanks fer lettin’ me try ma hand at this” He grinned, and you shook your head quickly.

“Thank you so much for your help.” You replied earnestly.

“Ma pleasure.” His boyish grin made your heart skitter in your chest wildly. “I’ll see ya ‘round.” He waved before he disappeared, his flow of apologies following him down the hall as Sue took him back to where he was supposed to be.

You exhaled shakily before your eyes landed back on your notes. You closed the door and curled up in the armchair with your laptop, typing as fast as your fingers would permit. You were still working on finalizing the scene when Pearce reappeared a few hours later.

“Whoa…” He murmured, setting a hot beverage in front of you from the catering cart. “You’re in a groove here hmmm?”

“Just…” You tapped out the last few words and added the final piece of punctuation. “Here…” You passed the laptop to him, taking a deep sip of the drink he’d brought you, suddenly realizing how thirsty you were.

You found yourself pacing nervously until he chuckled under his breath, and you paused, looking back to him sharply.

“It’s…perfect…Honestly, does everything we need and it’s enjoyable to read. I can’t wait to see the boys do it.” He beamed at you, and you breathed a sigh of relief, the tension leaving your body with your exhale. “So how long did Mr. Butler stay to help you?” He smirked as you flopped back down into your chair.

“Only…about 30 minutes.” You blushed and murmured into your takeout cup.

Pearce waggled his eyebrows dramatically and you flipped him the bird.

“Oh, come on, let an old man live vicariously through you…he’s a gorgeous dish with the sluttiest little waist…OW!” He exclaimed at the sharp kick you delivered to his shin.

“You are not old, he is not into me, and don’t call him slutty. That’s rude.” You smirked and shook your head. “But he was very helpful” You admitted before taking another sip of your drink.

By the end of the day, the two of you had inserted the updated pieces of dialogue into the script. Despite it technically being your responsibility, he worked with you to copy and deliver the latest version to all necessary parties before you both headed home for the night.

The next day, the last day before filming, was filled with meetings. Details were finalized, kinks were worked out, and everyone was filled with the buzz of anticipation. One of the many meetings had taken place on the set of the interior of Yvette’s barn. There would be a lot of filming in there as the romance between Yvette and Antoine blossomed.

You had wanted to linger and take in all the details, but the meeting had been brief and intense, Pearce dragging you away to the next thing on your packed schedule. So, when peace finally settled over the studio around six o’clock that night, you had snuck back in there. No one really seemed to notice you, even as the art department was finishing their set-up. You made sure to stay out of their way, to keep your footsteps from disturbing the perfectly laid hay. Letting yourself soak in the space, you swallowed thickly.

A place you had imagined for years, the backdrop to all the key emotional points, had been made a reality. Pearce had not prepared you for the impact this process would have on your psyche. You tentatively reached out to touch the fake wooden post in front of you, laying your hand on the marks that had been etched into it making it seem centuries old. You closed your eyes, thinking back to the first images of the story that had played out in your head, how they had forced you to look. To write. It seemed like ages ago now, but here you were, physically in the space where it had all begun.

“Pretty incredible, ain’t it?” Austin murmured behind you, accent flowing like thick honey.

Your head whipped back to look at him as you gasped slightly, startled.

“Sorry, I’m sorry I really keep startlin’ ya don’t I?” He frowned and shook his head. “Even wearin’ army boots. So, either I walk light as a feather or ya get verra involved in what yer focusin’ on. I’m guessin’ it’s the second?” He tilted his head, pulling at the cupid’s bow of his upper lip.

A chuckle escaped you despite the still-elevated level of adrenaline from the startling he’d given you.

“Guilty of the second, without a doubt.” You murmured in return. “Not that you clomp around or anything.” You tacked on quickly, making him smirk warmly.

“Yer attention ta detail is exemplary…an’ what ya and Pearce did with that tarmac scene.” He shook his head with an expression of awe. “The boys ‘n’ I ran through it a few times while tha poor wardrobe folks were tryin’ ta finish up their work. It’s a joy ta read…”

You ducked your head shyly, flushing happily at the compliment. “Wouldn’t have been possible without your help. Thank you again.”

The two of you stood in amiable silence, watching the art department hanging bunches of dried lavender, strings of garlic, nets of onions. It really looked like a functioning French farm. One of the set decorators called out to another, asking the time, and you swore under your breath when they replied that it was just after 8:30.

“What’s wrong?” Austin looked to you, features painted with concern.

“Oh, I just…I guess I missed the last shuttle…I should start walking.”

“That’s a terrible idea, lemme give ya a ride.” He shook his head when you opened your mouth to protest. “The studio has given me a car ‘n’ driver; it’s far more economical if he drives two people ‘stead o’ one. I jus’ need ta change, meet me at wardrobe?”

You hesitated but he raised an eyebrow expectantly and you conceded with a nod.

“Just to the station at Slough, that’s more than I could ask.”

He squeezed your shoulder with a warm hand before the two of you slipped off the set and went your separate ways to collect your things. After locking up the office for the night you waited in front of the wardrobe department until he emerged in jeans and a denim jacket lined with sheep’s wool. It looked cozy and you were admittedly jealous. Springtime in England was unpredictable, and you were still learning how to dress in layers to keep up with all its fluctuations.

“All set then?” He smiled warmly and you nodded quickly, following him toward the waiting car.

“Really just Slough station, please.” You reiterated and he nodded as you slid into the backseat. You were unaware that he was shaking his head at the driver, making the older man wink with a chuckle.

“Where are ya stayin’? Is it a long ride?”

You shook your head. “Not at all, I’m staying in Slough at a short-term rental really close to the station. So, I’m not trying to be difficult.” You laughed softly.

“Slough station then, Mr. Butler?” The driver asked quietly, and Austin nodded.

“Yes, please.” He looked to you as the car pulled out. “Do ya feel ready fer tomorrow?” He asked.

“Honestly? I could say yes, because there’s nothing more to do until we start filming? But I’ve never done this before, so my answer is probably very wrong.”

He laughed warmly and you grinned happily, pleased to have been the cause of that sound.

“So, what prompted this, I’m assumin’, career change?” He asked as streetlights caused the interior of the car to alternate between light and dark.

You bit your lip thoughtfully.

“Well, I…always wanted to write and…well I’ve known Sloan most of my life and she asked if I would assist in writing the script and one thing led to another?” The lie had started off on wobbly legs, like a newborn deer, but was loping ahead at full speed now. “Pearce is not very good with technology, so I was in charge of the laptop while they worked.” Adding in truth made the lie stronger.

His eyes widened.

“You know Sloan? I…what’s she like? She’s such a mystery…” He asked, sounding eager for any scrap of information.

“I…well…” You laughed awkwardly. “She’s…normal? She doesn’t like the dark, she could eat pasta for every meal, and she has a real job and normal life that she wants to protect?” You finished with a small shrug.

“I just wish…I could ask ‘er…the author…some things ta make sure I get this righ’.” He sighed after nodding thoughtfully.

Your throat felt like sandpaper as you tried to force a swallow through it.

“I could…” You croaked and cleared your throat. “I could ask her if she’d be open to…emails or something?”

“Really?!” His eyes lit up at the possibility. “I would be really grateful if ya would, but please don’….I don’ want ta ruin yer friendship with ‘er.”

You were helpless against that look and shook your head softly.

“I’ll ask, it’s completely up to her what she’s comfortable with, but I am ok to ask.” You assured him warmly and he beamed.

“Thank ya verra, verra much.” He blinked as the car pulled up in front of the station. “This is really convenient, isn’t it.”

“Pearce’s knowledge was priceless; I am very, very lucky. And thank you for the ride, truly. I really appreciate it. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You smiled quickly before jumping out of the car and waving as it pulled off.

You gulped at the cool night air, trying to flush the hazy scent of him from your mind. He was just a friendly colleague. Your heart really needed to stop beating so fast around him. Even when he talked about your…alter ego?... in such a reverent tone. If he only knew what a liar he was idolizing…

»» ────── ஓ ๑ ✧ ๑ ஓ ────── ««

Read Part Two

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