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#gram positive
tmmediapharma · 10 months
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Check the Best Quality of Salmonella Shigella Agar (TM 386) at TM Media
If you are looking for SS Agar medium manufactured by TM Media is recommended as a differential and selective medium for isolating Salmonella and Shigella species from clinical specimens, suspected food samples, and for microbial limit tests. This agar serves as a moderately selective medium where gram-positive bacteria are suppressed through the presence of bile salts, brilliant green, and sodium citrate.
The heightened selectivity of salmonella shigella agar enables the direct use of substantial inocula obtained from fecal samples, rectal swabs, or other materials suspected of harboring pathogenic enteric bacilli.
Visit the Website - https://www.tmmedia.in/
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so-emo-i-fell-apart · 2 years
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I THINK THIS MICRO PROFESSOR IS INSANE
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mitalipingale · 4 months
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The Gram-positive Bacterial Infections Market in 2023 is US$ 56.99 billion, and is expected to reach US$ 65.32 billion by 2031 at a CAGR of 1.72%.
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gentlefxlk · 2 months
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Olympic Chocolate Muffins! (since the recipe is paywalled on WaPo)
Cool the muffins and ganache completely before assembly, about 30-40 minutes
Makes 12 muffins
Muffin Ingredients:
¾ cup (180 ml) whole or reduced fat milk
¼ cup (60 ml) water
2 teaspoons instant coffee powder
½ cup (50 grams) unsweetened cocoa powder
4 tablespoons (56 grams) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
½ cup + 1/3 cup (145 total grams) bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chunks
2 cups (250 grams) AP flour
1 tablespoon baking powser
¼ teaspoon fine salt
½ cup (110 grams) packed dark brown sugar
½ cup (100 grams) granulated sugar
¼ cup (60 ml) neutral oil
2 large eggs, room temp
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup (60 grams) chopped milk chocolate, plus more for topping
Ganache Ingredients:
2/3 cup (115 grams) bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chunks
½ cup (120 ml) heavy cream
1/8 teaspoon fine salt
Directions
Position rack in the middle of the oven, preheat 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Line a regular sized muffin pan with liners.
In a small saucepan over medium heat, combine milk, water, and instant coffee. Bring to a simmer, whisking occasionally.
Add cocoa powder and whisk.
Decrease heat to low, add ½ cup (85 grams) of the chocolate chunks and butter, whisk until melted and smooth.
Transfer to a large bowl and cool slightly
In a medium bowl, whisk flour, baking powder, and salt.
To chocolate mixture, whisk in brown sugar, granulated sugar, oil, eggs, and vanilla.
Add about 1/3 of the flour mixture, whisk until incorporated
Add remaining flour, folding with a spatula until no streaks remain.
Fold in remaining 1/3 cup (60 grams) chocolate chunks and chopped milk chocolate, until just combined. Do not overmix.
Using a ¼ cup scoop or measuring cup, divide batter among 12 muffin cups, filling to the top of the pan.
Sprinkle additional chocolate chunks on top.
Transfer pan to oven, and immediately reduce oven temperature to 375 degrees Fahrenheit.
Bake for 22-24 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Start on ganache now
Let muffins cool in pan for 10 minutes, then use a knife or piping tip to cut an approximately ¾ inch wide hole in the center of each muffin. (use the centers as ice cream topping or eat now!)
Let muffins cool completely.
GANACHE: in a small saucepan over medium-low heat, combine chocolate chunks, heavy cream, and salt. Cook, stirring frequently, until melted and smooth. Remove from heat and let cool completely.
Once muffins and ganache are completely cool, spoon or pipe ganache into the center of the muffin, until slightly overflowed. Serve immediately.
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zappafool · 11 months
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me applying for michaels again like hii...sad dog whimpering scratching at the door i need money
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satorisoup · 8 months
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ᰔ CANDY GRAMS ft. rintaro suna
ʚ CW : secret admirer. manager! reader.
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ʚ hq valentine’s series mlist ಇ
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every year on valentine’s day, your schools student body sets up a booth for candy grams. $2 to send a cute little message to your loved one with little lollipops and candied hearts. the line would stretch all the way down the hall with students eager to buy one, the end of the line grumbling at their time wasted when they heard the shout of “sold out!”. it was a huge tradition that the students never failed to miss, as it would always cause an uproar of excitement along with the funds being donated to whatever cause.
it’s your second year at inarizaki highschool, and you were luckily privileged enough to become the manager of the volleyball club during the second half of your first year, being a new student, despite the insane amount of girls who had applied for the spot. you had made it extremely clear that no, you were not interested in the twins, no, this wasn’t a plan to get one them to fall in love with you, and no, you weren’t a secret spy for a fangirl instagram account trying to gather information. all things accounted for, you were accepted into the position.
now as a second year, you had kept your word on not falling for the infamous volleyball twins who in reality were just dumb teenage boys that talked your ear off with their constant nagging and immature jokes. however, the one who had caught your eye was the middle blocker with the #10 jersey, rintaro suna. they never said you couldn’t have a little crush on him, right? and even despite having quite the interest in him, you would never act on it, as you seemed to be good friends with him along with the twins, not daring to ruin the friendship or break the trust with the club.
suna was a nice person to be around, his sense of humor was infectious and he was a good, more tame break from the rambunctious person known as atsumu miya, even though they did tend to occasionally get into mischief when together. he was blunt in the ways he showed that he cared, and you recall the moment you realized you had feelings for him when you had accompanied him at the store to get a snack before practice. he had asked you if you wanted anything, and you had told him you didn’t have any money with you.
“i didn’t ask if you had money. i asked what you wanted.”
it left you blushing for the rest of the day, walking out of the shop with a cookie in hand and hearing “why didn’t ya pay fer me?!” fall out of atsumu’s mouth in complaint. you knew in your heart you definitely couldn’t deny it now, you had fallen.
the date marked february 14th, valentine’s day, and just like last year, the halls were bustling in delirium as the line stretched from one end of the courtyard to the other. you slung your bag over your shoulder and continued to walk to your designated class, overhearing the cheers of the people who finally made it to the front of the string of students. making your way to class and taking your seat, you prepare to take on the day as if it were any other.
eventually, the period before lunch had rolled around, and the person passing candy grams from each class had reached your door. you could feel the anticipation of your peers as the student began dropping each one off to certain desks. 1 here, 3 there, 5, wow that’s quite a few.
after most of the class had received their special gifts, whispering the notes their partners had left for them to one another, you had expected the deliverer to make their leave and be on with it.
your assumptions hadn’t been correct, when you see that they had made their way to your desk.
“10 candy grams for miss l/n, here you go!”
wait what?
you caught a few quiet gasps and small whispers from some of your classmates as your desk had been filled with a whopping number of 10 candy grams. even you had wanted to gasp yourself, but you really did not want this attention on you.
after everyone had quieted down a little more, you took the gracious opportunity to check the pink slips of paper on each packet of treats.
“to: y/n.”
again, you checked another slip. then another, and another for good measure. to your upmost confusion, every single slip you had was completely nameless. before you could comprehend exactly what was going on with these mysterious sweets, class was being dismissed for lunch.
“buying candy grams for yerself? that’s pretty depressin’.” atsumu bellowed at you when you had walked up to your friends, arms almost overflowing with your gifts.
“im not that cheap, you idiot…there’s 10 here, and ALL with no name.” you scoffed back at him.
“maybe it’s yer stalker.” osamu had countered, eyeing the bags.
“oh yeah, how lovely that would be. quit trying to scare me, osamu.” you deadpanned. “where’s suna?”
“dunno. so, ya gonna share that candy or what?”
“really miya? you’re both holding an entire grocery bag of them. i’ll see you guys at practice.” you walked off, still pondering on the thought of who it could be.
you still hadn’t managed to find suna within the midst of this entire situation, wanting to get his input. despite the so called “thrill” of having a secret admirer, you didn’t really seem to care. you wanted suna, and you wanted it to be him who was sending you stupid pieces of candy and dumb notes. that however, is a wish that could never be granted no matter how bad you yearned for it.
it’s the last half of the day by now, most classes having been visited by the deliverer, disregarding a few. mostly extra candy grams were being passed to the people who didn’t receive them before lunchtime. you practically ignored the lesson your teacher was explaining, too caught up in your thoughts to listen. 10 candy grams, no name, suna has practically disappeared. when class had been dismissed, you passed by your locker in hopes of putting the treats in there for later, but when you opened the latch, you had yet another surprise waiting for you.
10 more packets of candy dribbled out of your locker, a couple landing by your feet as if to mock you. you scamper to pick them up with a huff, and when you start to shove them in with the rest in your locker, miserably failing to fit them all inside, you come to an immediate realization.
atsumu is the only person who unfortunately knows your locker combination, back when you had held his lost textbook for him until he could get it back.
it dawned on you in an instant, of course, this was atsumu’s idea of humour, a perfect valentine’s day prank.
you roll your eyes at the idea of the twins antics, but also began to feel a tinge of sadness when you came to your conclusion, a hint of hope in the back of your mind that maybe, it was the one your heart had longed for who was up to this, but you’re quick to shut it down. with an upset slam of your locker, you head to the gym.
feet that slowly skid onto the concrete stairs was all that could be heard, and your shoes squeek against the vinyl flooring of the inarizaki gym when you enter. as you prepare to tell off atsumu, a voice interrupts you.
“what’s up with you?”
it was suna, his head cocked to the side with a slight furrow in his brow.
“im trying to find atsumu, he’s really done it this time…”
“and what did he do?”
“he thought it would be a funny idea to prank me! on valentine’s day of all days! sending a mountain of candy grams that won’t even fit in my locker…there wasn’t even a name on them. and it made me think…” you interrupt yourself before you accidentally say too much, “it’s just dumb yknow?” you huff.
“i figured you would think something dumb like that.”
“… huh?”
suna starts to dig into his bag, hand reaching in and then back out. one of his arms extended out to you, holding one of the same cellophane bags that had been taunting you all day.
this one held a cookie, the same kind as that day back at the store, and when you open the note, you can feel yourself grow lighter.
“to: y/n.
you’re kind of a dunse.”
and this time, there’s an indicator of the sender on the slip of paper, in the same handwriting as all of the others.
“R. S.”
you look to suna with widened eyes and a growing blush to your cheeks, your mouth slightly ajar when you ask him,
“…it was you?”
suna softly smirks at you, his hidden facade of mischievousness breaking as he replies,
“yeah, you should really think before you trust a miya with your locker combo.”
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dhampir-dyke · 1 year
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#so wild to me that my redneck psilocybin therapy is actually working lmfao#like despite it all my mental health is insanely better and im not taking literally any psych meds. just a gram of psilocybin every#3/4 weeks in a relaxing/positive setting and a bit of mindfulness#my general constant anxiety and depression has decreased in severity by leaps and bounds- and while my cptsd/trauma responses are still#really hard on me- theyve also improved a bit. i feel like i mentally recover from them faster. i might be debilitated by a really bad#flashback/trauma response for like a day instead of a week or more#i generally feel more idk. productive? like. okay abt an hour ago i took abt 1 g of shrooms and i managed to like. do basic hygiene and#clean my apartment a bit and do some dishes. obv my perception of things is a little wonky bc. yknow. shrooms#but all in all i just feel better. like a weight is off my shoulders and i can actually be a little productive and kind to myself.#obviously anyone who tries to medicate w psilocybin without guidance from a doctor should be so careful. before i started i was#playing hell bc of the insane amt of mental illness- particularly psychosis- that runs on both sides of my family. i could have easily been#predisposed to some kinda mental breakdown/psychotic episode thatd be induced by psilocybin. you have to be careful.#but this was kindof a last ditch effort anyways lmfao- i took the risk knowing i might fuck myself up.#but!!!! it has helped me so much. just 3 months and i dont wanna kill myself anymore- after 15+ years of being actively suicidal
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Genuinely hate those “don’t get sick because we’re ur future doctors and cheat/suck” memes but sometimes I look at my classmates and wonder if letting them loose on society is actually safe
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jppres · 2 years
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In vitro and in vivo antimicrobial activity of an active plant-based quadrocomplex for skin hygiene
Image: Flickr Article published in J. Pharm. Pharmacogn. Res., vol. 10, no. 5, pp. 905-921, September-October 2022. DOI: https://doi.org/10.56499/jppres22.1452_10.5.905 Viktor A. Filatov1,2*, Olesya Yu. Kulyak1, Elena I. Kalenikova1 1Department of Pharmaceutical Chemistry, Pharmacognosy and Organization of Pharmaceutical Business, Faculty of Basic Medicine, M. V. Lomonosov Moscow State…
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cursedauxiliary · 2 years
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My hand gonna break from writing these notes down and soon will my back from carrying my bio classmates
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keehomania · 1 year
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starving — lip gallagher x reader
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☄. *. ⋆
content warnings and genre: swearing, cunnilingus, face-sitting, nose-sitting, dirty talk, spanking — smut
˚ ��♡ ⋆。˚
synopsis: he's got the biggest, most appealing nose you've ever seen. all you wanna do it feel it inside you.
✧.*
lip gallagher loved eating you out—more than anything. he loved the sight of your pretty, sopping pussy catching the light in the rays of light that peaked through his bedroom curtains. he loved inhaling your sweet, intoxicating scent of arousal. he loved the glacé, delicious taste of your juices that flooded his tongue. most of all, he way your body trembled beneath his touch—how your thighs shook as he groped your ass, spreading your cunt apart to devour you the right way. or when he'd crawl in between your legs, legs shakily wrapped around his neck while you tugged at his locks. it was insatiable—he couldn't get enough of you.
on this particular day, you had chosen to do something different, something more vulnerable and compromising. he knew you loved his nose—the shape, the sheer volume and size—so when he called you into his room, you didn't know what to expect.
“i wanna try something with you,” you raised an eyebrow at his statement, curiosity awakening. “you've always had a thing for my nose, am i right?”
your cheeks flushed at the brutally honest question. of course, there wasn't a single gram of dishonesty in his inquiry—the both of you knew all too well what the answer was. you shrugged, almost casually. “i mean, yeah. you've got a pretty nose, lip.” he smirked at the answer, as if he was pleased with it.
“how would you feel about sitting on it?”
there was no rational way for you to react. the question made you shiver, his words shooting straight to your core. you scoffed, breaking into a nervous laugh. “that's ridiculous, lip.” he gave you a look, as if he was telling you he wasn't buying your act.
“is that how we're gonna play?” he fixed his posture, leaning forward as he straightened his back, sitting on the bed, just a few feet away from you. “gonna act like you don't want it as much as i do?” he could see right through your act, a malevolent smirk playing on his face. he analyzed the way your walls crumbled, the way you squeezed your thighs for an ounce of friction. he leaned back, propping his elbows against the back of his neck, using two fingers to motion you over.
while hesitant, you knew you couldn't resist him. his smile only widened when you crawled over to him, straddling his hips before pressing your lips to his. the world seemed to fade away as your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you even tighter against him. the softness of his lips against yours sent shivers down your spine, and you felt the heat between you intensify with each fleeting moment. as the kiss deepened, the world around you ceased to exist, leaving only the two of you lost in the enchantment of the moment.
“panties, babygirl,” he muttered under his breath. he licked a long stripe along your neck with his tongue. you let out a soft gasp as you obliged, hastily pulling down your shorts and panties, leaving your cunt bare as the cool air sent tingles down your spine. “just like that, keep going.” you followed his directions, tossing your panties aside.
you melted into his touch, bare cunt grinding against his clothed boner. he let out a soft grunt, hands gripping your ass, pulling your cheeks apart as he pressed you further into his boner. with a free hand, he tugged his shorts off, proceeding in nothing but his boxers.
“c'mere, baby,” he cooed, motioning you to position yourself above his face. you grew more shy by the second, but you listened to him, holding onto the headboard in order to hover above his face. “look at my girl, dripping all over my face already.” you whined, knowing there was some truth to his statement—you were wet and it was an understatement, slick dripping down your thighs, drops forming and threatening to spill onto his face.
lip was a dedicated boyfriend, and he knew just how to please you. that was precisely why he wasted no time, hands wrapped around the back of your thighs to slam you onto his face, your arousal practically drenching him. you moaned out his name, a string of curses passing your swollen lips as he went to work, tongue pushing past your cunt. he lapped at your juices, tongue wrapping around your clit as he gave it a few aggressive sucks. his tongue was way past your entrance, lapping at your tight walls, sucking at your sensitive bundle of nerves. “lip, fuck—too fucking much,” your moans only encouraged him, your eyes locking as he swirled his tongue around. that wasn't the end, though. it was only the beginning.
when he grabbed onto your hips to lift you up, you were taken aback, but the shock didn't last long. he slammed you right onto his nose, hips holding you in place as he began to bounce you—up and down, up and down. your cries of ecstasy were like music to his ears, his nose acting as your own personal sex toy. it didn't go deep, but it pushed well past your entrance, the width caressing your inner walls. he brought you back up, nose pressing harshly into your clit as he inhaled your sweet slick, right before he began to bounce you once more.
“you like it, don't you? using my nose to get yourself off?” his words were hard to make out, but you understood him. at a certain point, you didn't need him doing all the work anymore—you found yourself bouncing willingly, your orgasm creeping up on you as he groped your ass, leaving definite bruises. “so good lip, 'm so close,” you cried out, your bounces growing quicker and more aggressive as you found yourself grinding onto his nose, loving the way it made you feel.
when he stuck his tongue out, the pleasure only doubled. the strong, wet muscle gave him leverage as much as it gave you pleasure—you swore you could see stars. you pushed harder against his face, his tongue caressing your outer bits while his nose did all the inside work. when you came, you did it was a sob, fingers grabbing onto his hair for dear life, pushing him even deeper into your wet cunt. he groaned from beneath you, lapping up all the wetness you had to offer him as you rode out your orgasm.
you were a fool for thinking this would be the last time.
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mrunalnerkarblog · 2 years
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Bacteria are classified into two main types: gram positive bacteria and gram negative bacteria.
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mitalipingale · 4 months
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https://rollbol.com/blogs/1838580/Gram-positive-Bacterial-Infections-Market-Analysis-Size-Share-and-Forecast
The Gram-positive Bacterial Infections Market in 2023 is US$ 56.99 billion, and is expected to reach US$ 65.32 billion by 2031 at a CAGR of 1.72%.
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virgolixx · 4 months
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Head cannon:
:what these one piece men do/react to you being mad at them:
Sanji, Zoro, luffy, Ace,
Theme: Fluff💕
⚠️Warnings: clingy sad boys, overall happy ending
(Authors note: Hello to those who have left requests I apologize that I am taking so long to get them out, I lowkey abandoned this account for some time, hopefully I can get those request out soon as I can, for now enjoy this head canon.)
(Also sorry if there are grammar/spelling mistakes)
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Sanji
Reason to why you’re mad:Sanji was giving women heart-eyes that were only now looking at him due to the straw hats saving the islanders danger.
You’ve been ignoring Sanji the entire day this man is literally devastated/crying and sweating.
Once knowing why you are mad this man is begging on his knees for you to forgive him
Sanji would cook you your favorite meals and snacks in hopes it would be a nudge to get you to speak with him again and let him give you all his love, but being salty and still mad you would scream for luffy and give him the meal Sanji made. Sanji would be on his knees in tears and then trying to fight luffy.
Once night hit, Sanji gave an entire speech to you as to how sorry he was while you were getting ready for bed, until you told him “don’t wait for me I’m sleeping at Robins and Nami’s room tonight”. You were enjoying a girls night sleep over, while Sanji was tossing and turning in bed hugging your scented pillow, until he just couldn’t bare it anymore and stormed over to the girls room.
Barging into the room Sanji throws him self to the floor crying as how he misses you with him, and that he only wants you and those other women where nobody’s to him. The room was silent for a minute until Sanji heard footsteps coming closer and feeling someone pulling him up.
You wave good night to the girls and lead Sanji to your shared room, quiet. Once in the room you hug Sanji and finally let him know your emotions, “Please Sanji only me…no flirting with other women”. 
Sanji lefts your chin and gives you a sweet loving kiss and tells you, “I promise my love, you are in my future I want”.
Picking you up bride style he walks you both over to the bed and lays you down in a position where you are slightly on top of him and cuddled you till falling asleep.
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Zoro
Reason to why you’re mad: You and Zoro had an argument about how clingy you were at times, he was always with you why couldn’t he just have workout time as his alone time. While you just wanted to support him in his hard work to reaching his goal, to bring him snacks and water to stay hydrated.
It’s be 3 days since the fight, and you’ve distanced yourself from Zoro, no more morning or good night kisses, you haven’t snuggled up against him let alone joined him with afternoon naps, and of course you haven’t joined zoro as his personal cheerleader during his workout sessions.
Zoro is feeling grumpy and misses you desperately but with his tough macho ego he did not budge till the third day when he awoke from his daily nap under the tangerine tree, he didn’t feel the the warm weight of you on his lap where you usually are. Instead he hears your voice coming from the kitchen chatting away with Sanji.
Standing up Zoro goes over to you in the kitchen and looks at you from the door gram with his arms crossed, feeling his heart twist with how pretty your smile looked he walked over to you and picked you up and placed you over his shoulder.
Walking away Zoro heard Sanji yell, “Hey Moss head We were talking, and you don’t pick up a lady like that”! “Yeah, yeah what ever shitty cook”, zoro spoke.
Back under the tree Zoro sits down as he places you on his lap you facing him, one hand on your hip while the other grabs hold of you hand playing with your fingers. Absently looking to the side.
“Zoro”, you speak out as you place a hand on his cheek to get him to look at you, “you okay”?
“3 days”, he spoke. “What”, you ask confused? “You haven’t been joining me these past 3 days…..and”, sighing deeply. “I don’t like it at all”.
“I was just trying to give you your space zoro”, you spoke softly with slight hurt as you were still sad from the argument. Pulling you in zoro hugged you semi tightly with his face in the crook of your neck taking in your scent. “Don’t, not to this extent anymore, I miss you…..miss the kisses, our naps, and my personal cheerleader”.
Pushing zoro’s shoulder slighty back, you kiss his cheeks and then on the lips, “what do you say should we take a nap”, you say. Smiling softly Zoro approves and positions you into a more comfy position. “Yeah, I’ll finally have a good nap with you here”, zoro spoke as he dozed off.
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Luffy
Reason to why you’re mad: You argued at how reckless he is, and always getting seriously injured, and he’s always just brushes it off with a laugh.
Luffy got badly injured during his last fight and was out cold for 2 days, of course you were by his side, and of course luffy laughs off the situation.
I know for a fact this boy would never know why exactly your mad of, until either Sanji or robin tell him.
He gets serious and understands the situation, he gets it you’re just afraid one day you could lose him to an extremely powerful foe.
Luffy is following you around the thousand sunny trying to get you to talk to him he’s even offering you a plate of meat his favorite food, but nothing you continue to do your duties on the ship.
Sulking and pouting he sits on the deck cross-legged, till he sees you walk out and finally enjoy your break, Luffy yells your name and uses his gum-gum powers to pull you to him and settle you on his lap.
His arms completely wrapped around your torso you have no chance of escape, as he finally told you, “you know you’ll never lose me right, I’ll continue to get stronger to keep you save”.
Finally relaxing in his hold you look at him with tears in your eyes and a smile, “Just don’t scare me like that anymore, I can’t stand seeing you hurt”.
Laughing brightly as you kiss luffy all over his face he hugs you tightly and softly says, “I won’t ever my queen, I promise”. Luffy then kisses your temple and finally on your lips.
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Ace
Reason to why you’re mad: Ace was gone for a month longer than expected on a separate mission White beard sent him on, that’s 2 whole months and when he came back boy was still so busy with errands around the ship. Feeling a bit sad/salty you leave the grand dinner party for ace’s return early.
Once returning to the Moby dick ace spread his arms open wide for you as you ran to him for a big embrace. Once engulfing you in a hug ace spins around laughing as you giggle and cover his face with kisses. Once putting you down you tell ace, “you’re finally back I’ve missed you so much”. “Ive missed you so much as well my love”, ace told you as he cupped your face leaning down for a kiss.
Sighing you tell ace to not leave your side anymore and wanting to spend the afternoon cuddling and later get some food, sighing deeply ace tells you, “I wish I could love but I still have to talk with pops and complete some errands on the ship”. “No can’t you do them tomorrow please ace”, you told him softly.
Once again ace tells you, “Sorry love I can’t but in a few hours I’ll be yours alright”. Ace then kisses you and walks away to talk with pops.
Throughout the entire afternoon you watched with longing as ace was talking with other crew members and completing his work until it was finally dinner time. You sat beside ace with your plate of food trying to talk with him but kept getting interrupted with the others talking with ace.
After a while you grew tired and a tad bit petty how ace still didn’t chat with you and only with the other members, you decided to leave and go to your and ace’s room. Not even 10 minutes later ace tried to place his hand on where your thigh should be but just felt the hard bench. Looking over he fully noticed you were gone but your plate still practically full.
“Excuse me” Ace spoke as he stood up with his and your plate, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow”. Reaching your shared room ace switched on the lights of the room and places the plates of food on the desk, walking over to you ace plops him self over you self grumbling a sorry and that he was now finally yours for the rest of the night n has brought your plate.
As you looked over at ace still a bit mad you quickly get soft as ace is giving you puppy dog eyes and pursing his lips for kisses, with a sigh you cup ace’s face and kiss him.
After the kisses ace gets up and walks over to the plates of food, he hands you your plate and sits beside you. You both continue eating and chatting away to soon cuddling the night away.
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s3thwrit3sstuff · 1 year
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❝ WHY AM I IN LOVE ALONE? (WHY AM I HURTING ALONE?) ❞
Gojo Satoru x male!reader | angst with comfort | unrequited love, ex-cheater!Gojo, arranged marriage | wc: 8.5 k | not proofread
warnings: character death (Geto Suguru), mentions of infidelity, r! has self-esteem issues, r! has some dark thoughts about su!c!de, mentions of parent death, abuse from parents (r! is from an influential sorcerer clan, his family kinda sucks), talks of virginity
masterlist; part 1; part 2; part 3; alternate ending; playlist; au's and what if's
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authors note: there are some time skips here and there, hopefully, it isn’t too confusing! I really appreciate all the comments on the first part of this and I hope this satisfies you guys!
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The flame of the candle casts the room in an evershifting blue. Pulsing and moving, pushing and pulling as the shadows undulated. It resembles the way sunlight dances on the waves of the ocean, piercing through the waters to reach as far down as it could.
It reminded you of —
Of summer.
The candle flickers, sparks of orange briefly flying, just as your father walks through the door of cement. It takes five men to push but they do so without complaint. Your eyes squint to protect themselves from the fluorescent lighting of the hallway and the flame burns upwards in the offence.
The men hastily pull the door closed. Your ears itch from the grinding noise of stone and your skin warms from the candle but you say nothing.
Your father kneels across from you. Unbothered by the still-furious flame.
The candle is the only barrier between you. It sits on top of cylindrical stone; the melted wax nearly covers the top, some dripping down the sides but you’ve never seen this candle shrinking or the flame dimming.
The room you’re in is one of great importance to your family. It was taller than it was wide. Dark as sin without this cursed flame. The (L/N) family nearly fell into ruins some century ago, a member of your clan decided to turn this room into a place where no secrets would be safe, so you’d have no enemies.
After he had done this, your clan flourished.
It served its purpose. No lies could be told in this room.
“Is Gojo Satoru in love with you?”
The flame calms from its fury. As if listening.
“Yes.”
Sparks of orange fly, shooting from the wick and pathetically fizzing out. His eyes darken, swallowing that gorgeous blue like a black hole.
“So your mother speaks truthfully.”
He had hoped it was just mindless gossip — misplaced anger from his own infidelity. Your father was never one to admit your mother was right.
“Geto Suguru.”
His name makes you turn your eyes down to your lap. Your father’s frown deepens. Further settling into permanent lines of displeasure on his ageing face.
“My son, born of the (L/N) clan, promised to marry Gojo Satoru. A six-eye user, soon-to-be head of the Gojo clan. My son who had centuries of ancestors fought to put him in this position of power with a strong family name, riches and opportunities beyond belief.”
“Bested by a boy whose parents aren’t even curse users.”
That haunting blue burns steadily.
“This is your duty, as son of the (L/N) clan.”
“Father, how could I compete with Geto Suguru — “
Your father reaches through the flames and grabs your face. The skin of his arm reddens as the flame roars at the disrespect. It licks at your eyebrow, your eyes, your cheeks. It burns. Though not like a regular flame would. It doesn't eat away at your flesh and render the fat past that — the flame hisses, digs under your flesh, and sets your nerves ablaze.
The pain is white hot and you swear you burst a vein in an attempt to grit your teeth together. It's like you're burning from the inside out, your skull heating up and glowing from where your skin is stretched thinnest.
You've been through this time and time again but the pain never dulls. It pries your lips open and a strangled wail is ripped from your throat.
Your face is held so tightly your cheekbones feel as though one more gram of pressure would shatter it. His face splits through the fire as he scowls down at you.
“I will not let the decision of a 15-year-old boy destroy what I’ve tried so hard to build. This is bigger than you ever will be. Your marriage to Gojo Satoru will make our clan more powerful than ever.”
You weep as you nod your head while nails dig into the flesh of your thighs. He lets you go, pushing your face away from his hand as if he was tossing trash away. You back away, hands shakily hovering above where your skin feels as though it's sizzling. Like you always do, you lean on the wall and the cool wall is like heaven.
The flame calms just as your heart does, at times it is as though it pulses with the beating in your chest.
In those minutes, your father stays stoic.
“Love is worthless in matters of power. The things I ask you to do will strengthen our clan, and strengthen our abilities. Put your selfishness aside, boy. This is a debt you owe to your flesh and blood.”
“...Yes, father.”
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“Why do people stay with someone like that?” Megumi scoffs from behind the couch. He’s dressed in his pajamas, hair still damp from the shower he took. Meanwhile, you were sitting watching the television, dressed for bed yourself.
“I think it's sweet,” you say. The series was truly ridiculous and overly dramatized. Some cheesy and soapy drama that plays at night when lonely adults need someone else’s problems to obsess over.
“He stays with her even with all her flaws.” Megumi’s face says more than he ever could. You laugh, beckoning him over to settle next to you.
This is the usual. Gojo is always busy with missions here and there. Sometimes even needing to get onto a plane - he could be gone for days at a time. Leaving you, Tsumiki and Megumi.
Well, just you and Megumi now.
He doesn’t react as you squeeze him a little closer, just tucking his legs comfortably to lean on you.
“Okay, but that doesn’t negate the fact that she’s hurt him. I mean, it’s honorable but — isn’t he tired? I mean, she slept with his dad. Twice!”
You chuckle, grabbing the towel he had slung over his shoulders to help him dry his hair.
“You were paying attention! I thought you hated this show,” Megumi rolls his eyes. “How can I not pay attention? It’s so stupid I can’t look away.”
“Please. Just admit you like watching shitty tv shows,” you tease.
“I really don’t,” he denies. Megumi shrinks a bit despite his words and you chuckle. The dialogue from the TV continues and Megumi relishes the ambience.
The way you gently dry his hair. The dumb characters talk about who slept with whom and what impossible surgeries they wanna do. The lingering scent of the takeout dinner you indulged in with him today. Your shampoo and body soap and the smell of the detergent you use help him sleep easier at night.
“Is it the same for you?”
He feels your fingers pause. Not frightfully, more confused. He continues as your movement does.
“You’re like this doctor. You stay even if he hurts you.”
“What are you talking about? Gojo’s never hurt me,” your tone was perplexed.
“I’m not blind," Megumi mumbles. You pull your hands away from Megumi, his towel now on your lap as you wait for him to turn around. He does.
Then a commercial plays, something about a new aquarium that’s just opened; it casts the living room in blue and your heart gets caught in your throat.
‘ It’s not the same, ‘ you tell yourself, ‘ I’m not my father. ‘
“Whatever gave you that impression?”
“You rarely call him by his name. You stay up when he’s here but turn in early when he’s not. You go to clan meetings alone but he brings you around everywhere when he’s here. Dates, gifts, compliments.”
Megumi shrinks under your gaze but meets your eyes unwaveringly.
“Every time you look like you’re about to smile at his jokes you just...pause and remind yourself about something...is it Geto?”
Megumi inhales sharply at the expression on your face. The commercial had come and gone and the next that plays is a stream of constant colour; chaotic and disarrayed. The red-orange and yellow make you look like a curse.
But then your eyes soften and his grip on his knees loosens.
“I — I saw a picture.“
There are pictures of Geto in the house. Gojo said he would be fine without it but you found it ridiculous how much hurt he thinks he’s saving you from. You were already brought to your knees and metaphorically beaten down by the man you love and the man he loved; your best friends.
A picture of the four of you in high school wasn’t going to make you less or more pained.
Megumi’s asked about Geto before. But not like this; not like he knows something he shouldn’t. Geto wasn’t a forbidden topic.
But.
Your children deserved better than that. They should believe that love is important and that their fathers are there for them through whatever it is. That Satoru and (Y/N) were not going to just disappear and leave them to fend for themselves.
“On his flipphone.”
Of course.
Of course he kept that useless piece of crap.
Of fucking course.
“The wallpaper was of them. They seemed closer than friends. Did Gojo hurt you because of Geto?”
“Despite his flaws, he’s still my husband, Megumi.”
That doesn’t satisfy your son. His brows twitch and he gets that defiant look in his eyes that makes your stomach twist into knots. The ghost of that man, Megumi’s biological father, always sweeps through your brain every time he gets so stubborn.
You don’t hate Megumi because of it. Gods know how much you wish you weren’t a (L/N) — you wouldn’t have chosen your parents. Your mother, absolutely. Your father could go rot in hell with his new wife.
“But you’re unhappy.”
“I’m not — ”
The trailer of a movie plays; it casts the room in orange for a brief few seconds.
“You are. You’re lying. I’m not a little kid anymore, I’d be fine if you...if you divorced Gojo, I don’t mind if you move out. If you’d let me, I’d stay over. A kid from my school has divorced parents, he seems fine. He said it made his parents happier.”
“Megumi — “
“I can take it. You don’t have to stay together for Tsumiki and me anymore. You’ve raised us well.”
Not well enough if he’s pleading for you to leave Gojo.
“You’re just a boy. You don’t know what you’re saying. I think the TV show is really starting to get to you,” you jest. Megumi’s never been one for jokes though. Especially not ones as dumb as yours. Your awkward grin falls and you sigh.
“It wasn’t because of Geto. Suguru and Satoru...”
Megumi’s ears prick. He could count on his hands the number of times you’ve uttered Gojo’s name. Each time, it’s said with such bitter longing. The rotten essence of first love and cruel summers dripped from every syllable. This time, however, there’s a softness to it, an emotion Megumi would later know as yearning.
“They were the strongest and they were inseparable. With Suguru, Satoru could just be. With Satoru, Suguru felt worthy.”
“I was,” you sucked in a breath. “I was...there. Yes, it hurt me but I love Satoru, Megumi.”
How could you not?
Those heavenly eyes and boyish grin. His lips seem painted by the angels and his hair spun from those impossible-to-reach clouds and the purest of light. Satoru was beyond beautiful.
He was funny, brash, and annoyingly persistent. His very existence was irritating to some; he was good at everything. His hands were like Midas, everything he touched turned into gold.
Nonetheless, he was human. You would know better than most. When Suguru left Satoru looked like a facade of a young god. That’s what Suguru did to him that you never could. Suguru made him human.
So you didn’t blame Satoru for falling in love. You couldn’t even blame Suguru for falling in love.
You were an obligation chosen out of his own comfort. (Y/N), his precious friend whom he’d marry once the two of you were 17 years old.
You were duty and honor. You were a reminder of his godhood. He was untouchable and ethereal; even so, he wanted nothing more than to fall into the arms of the one person who could make him unravel his soul. He held Suguru more preciously as you aged until he couldn’t anymore.
“I love him.”
“But you’re sad. He makes you...sad.”
It pained you to see Megumi try to understand. He was your son. This talk of a loveless marriage and divorce, him saying he would be fine with the aftermath as if he would have to carry responsibility for it.
He was just a boy. He was your boy and he’s trying to protect you when it should be the other way around.
So you shake your head and reach forward to cup his cheek in your palm.
“I still love him, Megumi. Sometimes, that’s enough.”
Megumi wants to tell you it isn’t.
If love was enough, his mother would be alive and his shitty father would have stayed to be a father to Tsumiki and him.
If love was enough, Tsumiki wouldn’t be in a coma.
But he says nothing and just shrugs. He murmurs a half-assed agreement and then stands from the couch. He goes to bed that night, wishing nothing more than to see the world from your eyes. You were his father. More than his own was.
Gojo was a busy guy so he warmed up to you first. Despite how tough it was for you to navigate being a teenager yourself as you raised him and his sister.
He just wanted to make you happy. Because clearly, you were incapable of doing it.
Megumi found it hard to sleep that night.
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“Awh, asleep already?” Gojo frowned as he peeked into Megumi’s room. He was supposed to arrive the next morning but he missed his family. So he took an earlier flight.
A creak made him look your way and his eyes widened.
“Don’t bother him, Gojo.”
“(Y/N)…” his footsteps sound tentative as he walks towards you.
“Don’t look at me like that, I was just watching a sad movie is all. Megumi stayed up late, so don’t wake him. He’s got school tomorrow.”
Gojo doesn’t believe you. The way he’s gazing at you is as if you were the most pathetic curse to have ever graced the earth. Had he ever looked at Suguru that way before his betrayal?
Gods, even the thought of him has your brain pulsing. Those lost summers and cozy winters were yours too but of course, for Satoru, it must’ve been different.
To you, they were everything because your friends were there. More importantly, Gojo was there.
To him, his Suguru, they were all they needed.
You wipe away some of the tears, sniffling and turning away from Gojo. “You came home early. I didn’t cook dinner tonight, but I can heat-up some leftovers,” Gojo follows you to the dining area. He wants to ask if you are okay, even if he already knows the answer.
‘ Is it Suguru? ‘
It’s on the tip of his tongue. It’s been 9 years since his betrayal, your mother's funeral, your father's wedding. Between Tsumiki and Megumi, and the missions there was never a chance to have that conversation.
But what if it wasn’t? You were more than that. You existed beyond the shadow that Suguru cast — in Gojo’s eyes anyway.
The microwave dings and it casts the kitchen in a warm yellow glow. “How was the mission?” He watches you make a plate, standing near the kitchen island with his arms by his side. “It went great. The uh, the plane ride there was sorta bumpy though.”
“Yeah? You got scared or sumthin’?” He takes his bandages off, eyes twinkling with something you can’t quite place.
‘ He’s making jokes, talking casually, ‘ Satoru thinks. His palms feel a bit clammy. “Hah, as if. Even if the plane was fallin’ I’d definitely get out of there,” he boasts with that careless smile.
You offer a chuckle, turning just as your smile fades into a polite purse of your lips. The plate is placed in front of him and he’s not hungry but he sits anyway.
Huh.
So this is what having an intimate dinner is supposed to feel like? It creeps in that you’ve never been on a date outside of this marriage. He had never wooed you before Geto. It was all casual and friendly. Even if it was just the two of you, your guardians would keep watch to ensure that nothing got too passionate.
Where were they when Gojo snuck into Geto’s room? Night after night, week after week...
He had never touched you like that. Every time he tried, you found yourself pushing him away. Not out of bashfulness or lack of attraction. You just can’t help but wonder if he’ll replace you with Geto in his mind and your heart breaks every time.
9 years of marriage and still, your bed was cold as ice.
At times you would feel panic, wondering if Gojo is with another body to fill that void that you can’t fill but then it ebbs away.
Because they weren’t Geto either. So they were just as meaningless as you.
You grimace.
To think you’d blush and swoon at the idea of your marriage. Enamoured at the fact Gojo chose you. Now here you are. A resentful friend, a horrid husband, and a failing father.
If it weren’t for Tsumiki and Megumi you would’ve been hanging from the ceiling or perhaps you’d “let your guard down” during a mission. Maybe even in front of your husband. Your train of thought is cut short as your mother’s face appears. Stiffening your lip, you turn your gaze to the table to collect yourself.
Gojo watches you shifting around and reaches a foot forward to bump into yours. He smiles at the way you get wide-eyed, frozen for a second.
“How was your day, my beloved?”
“I went to Jujutsu High to oversee Megumi’s transfer,” his brows lift.
“Already?”
“Just to make things easier, Gojo. So it isn’t so last minute. He practised summoning his Divine Dogs today too.”
You’re wringing your hands together, folding and unfolding your fingers all while glancing at the table. It reminds him of the day he found out you had feelings for him.
You were sat across from him just like you are now. The both of you were 15 and hungry, so you offered to pay for lunch. Suguru and Shoko had gone off to grab condiments and he saw it; that look of adoration in your eyes.
You were handsome and kind. A true friend to him, Suguru and Shoko. Then an idea popped into his head, an idea he’d never proceeded with if he had known the repercussions.
If he wed you, he’d still be able to be close to Suguru.
He was selfish. Suguru told him that it was cruel, you were their friend and this would hurt you.
“Satoru that’s cool-blooded. He’s had a crush on you for a year now, you shouldn’t,” Suguru murmurs.
“It’s just a crush, he’ll probably divorce me or something. Then, I’ll marry you, Suguru.” He interlaced his fingers with Suguru. Naked shoulder pressed to naked shoulder. His 16th had just passed, he’d have to marry you after his 17th birthday but it’s alright. He told himself you would get the message and he’d have Suguru. Duties fulfilled and promises honored.
“What?” Suguru’s eyes were so wide it was almost hilarious. Satoru turned on his side, outlining the traces his lips left on Suguru’s skin.
“Will you marry me, Suguru?”
Satoru’s guilt wraps around his heart with its sorrowful roots. He wonders if you think you’re ugly, or unworthy. His fondness for you wants nothing more than to hold you. You were his friend after all, before all of this; the missions the four of you would go on together were the highlights of his life.
He didn’t mean to hurt you.
The food tastes like ash in his mouth but he swallows it down.
“We should go out tomorrow.”
You blink at him, contemplating. He can see the tearstains on your skin, the wetness on your philtrum that you’ve tried to wipe away and the way your lashes are clumped together.
“Anywhere you wanna go, after we drop ‘Gumi off we’ll be off to the races. We could go shopping or —”
“I want to go on a mission with you.”
That catches him completely off guard. You offer a grin, and the slightest flash of teeth has Satoru nodding before you even get to say another word.
He owes you this. You deserve happiness.
“Of course, anything you want.”
Gojo should’ve stopped there. Said nothing else.
“I love you, (Y/N).”
All at once, he sees your eyes turn hollow and your smile tightens.
You don’t believe him.
“...Thank you, Gojo.”
Ever since, that’s the only way you responded to his “I love you’s”.
Thanking him for trying to convince you and himself that it was true.
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Megumi’s never seen your father before. He looks so out of place at home. His hulking form and intimidating face were so rough like unpolished stone. He should be elsewhere, not eavesdropping like he is now but he can’t help himself.
Gojo had to tend to business and you couldn’t turn away your father. You knew what he was here to talk about anyway and after last night's screaming match with your husband, you were as tightly wound as a coiled snake.
“How is your wife, father?”
“She is healthy.”
A vein bulges from the side of your head, rage pumping through it as your jaw clenches. His gaze scrutinizes you in such an obvious way it makes you want nothing more than to exorcise him.
“Gojo Satoru killed Geto Suguru. Is this true?”
How could it not be true? You thought bitterly. My guilt, Gojo’s crying, my outburst — all proof of his death.
He scoffs, a pleased quirk on the corner of his lips.
“I suppose you’ve done well then, my son. You didn’t even have to do any bloody work.”
“You know nothing, father. Geto Suguru’s death was a tragedy, don’t you dare turn it into a victory,” you seethe.
“He was a troublemaker. A waste of breath — a weakling. He deserved all that he got, don’t tell me you’re sympathizing with a murderer?”
“He was my friend!” Megumi flinched as you yelled.
“If you hadn’t pushed me and Satoru to marry, all this pain would have been avoided. We would still be friends, I could grieve for him without bitterness in my heart!”
You have no more tears to give. Instead, your anger burned like an inferno, burning you from the inside as you glared at your father.
“You’ve ruined me just like you ruined my mother. Where is duty? Honour? All of that is just trampled by your greed! You are dishonorable! Disgusting! Selfish!”
“You dare speak to me that way?” He lifts his hand and Megumi's palms hover close to stop him. The doors slide open. Satoru stands there. Even with his blindfold on, his gaze is heavy.
He calls your father's name. He doesn’t hide his disrespect. No titles were shared. No acknowledgment of his relation to you. He was beyond mad.
“It’s best if you leave, old man.”
Your father lowers his hand and you realize your nails are digging into your palm as blood seeps through your fingers.
“This younger generation truly knows no respect. Does it pain both of you to be together? Is my son so ugly, Satoru?” He laughs derisively. “Put a pillow over his face as you take him then! Gods knows I did the same with his mother.”
You open your mouth and yell, an ugly yell that's so full of anguish and anger; no words or vulgarity. A scream that makes Gojo’s throat hurt hearing it. Your father looks at you in disgust, shaking his head as he turns his back to you.
“Pathetic.”
You lunge at him and Gojo stops you, gathering you into his arms as you try to reach for your father.
“I’ll kill you!”
“Beloved, that’s enough —”
“You monster! I’ll burn you alive!”
“(Y/N)! He’s gone! That’s enough!”
Gojo doesn’t know why but he lets his infinity down. He lets you dig your fingers in his shoulder, and scratch the back of his hands as he tries to gather your wrist and grunts as your head bumps into his.
“I’ll kill him! Let me kill him!”
He grabs your wrists and pushes them against your chest. You’re pinned to the wall and the more you struggle the more he presses on your chest. It forces you to take deep breaths, and for your brain to catch up with your body.
“He should be the one that’s dead! Not my mother! Not Suguru! Him! Why isn’t he fucking dead!?”
Satoru can’t help but think of those final moments with Suguru.
How ragged his breathing was as he leaned against the wall.
“At least curse me a little at the very end.”
Suguru’s smile makes Satoru feel like a teenager again. He reaches forward and Suguru noses into his palm. Satoru’s breath comes out in a shudder. There he is, the man he loves more than anything, dying.
Suguru hums as Satoru leans over to hug him. Using the bit of strength he has left his head slots where it belong; in the junction of Satoru’s neck and shoulder. He remembers how ticklish he was there and manages a chuckle as Satoru flinches as his hair did just that.
He has so many things to say.
But he feels that wedding band and he’s glad that Satoru won’t be alone.
“You went on a date with (Y/N) at the crepe restaurant, I could sense your curse energy.” His daughters had wanted to go there after and Suguru remembered how bittersweet it was to sit where the two of you had sat. He had imagined himself as you and he’s struck with the want to see you and Ieiri and —
“I should have married you.”
Suguru’s eyes water. “Satoru —”
“All I do is hurt him. You were right, Suguru. I was cruel. If I married you, we would all be happy. Your daughters and my children, they’d be siblings. (Y/N) would have found someone who would never be as cruel as I am. We would still be friends. I should’ve married you. I should’ve married you.”
Suguru was selfish too. He resented you for having Gojo. It pained him to think about how lucky you were — he wished you misfortune.
What kind of friend does that?
You’d met his parents. Spent birthdays together, and went through lessons and missions together. How could he resent you and love Satoru and Shoko so dearly?
“I chose my path, Satoru. But in another life...in another life, we’re all happy.”
Satoru feels Suguru’s lips press to his jaw.
“You can make it right, Satoru. You love him, you’ll know what to do. Just don’t be so crass, yeah?”
Your yelling doesn’t cease. He’s half a mind to yell along with you because there’s truth in your words.
Why is it that everyone that mattered wasn’t here? Because they’d hold you and tell you were alright. Your mother would’ve done everything she could to ease your pain. Suguru would be here to do the same for both of you. What would they say if they were here?
What could they do to help you?
Help him?
Satoru lets you push him away. Megumi wonders if he should walk in now. He’d never seen you like this. He takes one step forward and Satoru speaks.
“I want a divorce.”
A pin could drop and Megumi was sure it would sound like an explosion. Your chest heaving slows as Satoru watches you straighten your posture.
“Do you live to embarrass me, Satoru?” You can feel his infinity go back up.
“Or is it me that embarrassed you? Should I allow my father to mock Suguru’s death? What am I meant to have done? What could I do to satisfy you, husband?”
“This marriage is hurting us.”
Your bark of laughter makes Satoru’s heart clench.
“A marriage YOU could’ve prevented. Did you forget that? You’ve had all the time to stop it. In those 3 years, you fucked Suguru and confessed your love to him. What exactly did you intend for my life?” You cross your arms, trying so hard to keep everything contained but your mouth can’t stop itself.
“Because I could have been fine. Maybe my father would have cast me aside but at least I would have moved on. Instead, you wormed yourself into my heart and infected me from the inside out.”
“Your mother just passed. I didn’t want to cause you more pain by canceling our wedding —”
Your palm doesn’t strike him but that isn’t with lack of trying. He can see the way your hands shake as you attempt to nullify his infinity. The trails of blood that drip down from your nails piercing through your palm from earlier. Your eyes were as dark as night as you stared at him with a blank expression.
“You are dishonorable, Gojo Satoru. You are selfish, and you deserve nothing you have. Not me, not Megumi, not Tsumiki, not Ieiri and you sure as hell didn’t deserve Suguru.”
He snaps at you. Slapping your hand away as he points a finger in your face.
“You don’t get to scream at me when I tried to make this marriage work! For 10 years all I’ve ever done was love you!”
“All you’ve ever done is bury Suguru by using me, Satoru!”
“Oh, that’s bullshit!” Megumi is frozen in place. He had never seen you fight before. Had never ever seen Gojo yell or lose his cool. He feels his heart hammering against his chest and clasps his hands together.
“Every time I touch you, you pull away! Every time I kiss you, you flinch — Fuck! Do I repulse you?”
“You don’t get to be pissed about not being able to fuck me, Satoru.”
He takes off his blindfold and those cerulean eyes shine with fury.
“Of course I fucking do! You want to be the martyr so fucking badly and you did it, (Y/N)! You’re the martyr!”
You don’t let him poke his finger into your chest but despite your smacks, he touches you anyway. He grasps your wrist and his grip is so tight you can tell it’ll bruise.
That horrifying blue sears your skin.
“I may be selfish but you’re fucking vindictive, (Y/N). You tell yourself that you’re nothing and somehow it comes true. Living, stewing, in a dead man’s shadow just so you can feel good about not returning my efforts!”
Just a few nights ago he was sweet. Telling you that he loves you and he wanted you. You never believed him and here was your proof, the labor of your hurt and pain stands before you with righteous ire.
“So I’m done! I’m done.” You shake your head. He scoffs, letting you go as if he was tossing trash away.
“(Y/N) — ”
“We’ll divorce next year. Next year on this day, I’ll allow you to divorce me. But not now. Not today. Call me a vindictive, vengeful, stubborn asshole. But what I’ll not allow you to do is humiliate me all over again.”
Satoru wants to say something, but the whine of an animal stops him.
When you find Megumi clutching the neck of his Divine Dog your anger disappears in an instant. He isn’t crying though it’s obvious he’s simply holding it back. The dog's part as you reach to cup his face, whispering his name as he attempts to steel his expression.
“...I’m so sorry, Megumi. I’m so sorry you had to hear that.”
“It’s whatever,” he shrugs. Satoru sighs, combing his fingers through his hair as he crouches next to you.
“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t have to listen to that," Satoru sighs. “I’m old enough — “
You stop him by pulling him into a hug. He’s stunned, his face would have been comical in any other situation so Satoru smiles.
“You’re just a boy. Don’t act so tough so soon,” Satoru reminds him.
The few things Satoru and you could relate to was how your children would never have to face the theft of their youth as long as you were alive. You squeeze him tighter and he returns it, burying his face into your shoulder.
Despite being pissed at Satoru, he says nothing as he feels him stroke his head.
The dogs whine again and nuzzle Satoru and you, licking Megumi’s ears and cheek to dissipate this acrid scent of fear and anxiety.
“Can I stay over with you sometimes?” You know what he actually wants to ask you.
‘ When you leave am I still allowed to need you? ‘
His shoulders sag in relief as you nod.
“You don’t even have to ask, Megumi. You know I love you, right? I’ll always love you, my beautiful son.”
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“Couldn’t have gotten a place with better Wi-Fi?”
Shoko glares minutely as you pluck her cigarette out of her mouth. You put it in yours and she gags at the indirect kiss which makes you roll your eyes.
“Just because you’re single doesn’t mean I’m interested, (Y/N),” you scoff and shove her shoulder. She stiffens on purpose but sways a bit. It makes you laugh.
The house you bought was a cute duplex penthouse. Something small for yourself and for Megumi when he slept over. Shoko was the only person to have seen it so far — other than Megumi of course.
Your divorce was months away but it was far too awkward to sleep on the same bed as Satoru after that fight. This was for the best; baby steps until you’re officially separated.
“Hm, even if I was interested in women you’re not exactly my type.” She lights up another cigarette and leans on the railings of your balcony. Man, hate Satoru all you want but he sure was generous with his money. The view was stunning. It must have cost a fortune.
“So. You’re single now.”
You cringe and shrink down, limply holding the cigarette as you brace your chin on your arm.
“For the first time in 13 years...”
“27 is a perfectly good age to fuck around. Not too old to scare anyone of a respectable age off but not too young to make people feel like a creep.”
“You’ve such a way with words, Shoko,” you mutter dryly.
“I’m just saying, sex is a great way to get your mind off of things.”
“Says who?” She laughs, turning to you with a cocked brow.
“Satoru may be the golden child of the sorcerer world but he’s not a sex god. His dick isn’t that good, alright? There’s someone out there that’ll make you feel like a virgin again,” her laughter dies out as she takes note of your bashful eyes.
“...No.”
“What?”
Shoko's brows furrow. It’s the most expressive she’s ever been.
“10 years and not once?”
You hide your face further into your arms.
“(Y/N)!”
“Okay! We never had sex, alright? I — I don’t know if he ever went to get his dick wet from somewhere or someone else. But me and him never fucked. I’m an adult virgin! Sue me!”
“Not even a handjob?”
You groan, smushing the cigarette into the ashtray before going back inside. She follows, belatedly smushing her cigarette when you remind her with a look.
“Ok — Okay, but do you want to be a virgin? It’s perfectly reasonable if you do. I’ll respect your choices. But, why didn’t you...?”
“Shoko, every time he touched me...I felt like the ugliest person on this goddamn planet. We tried,” you sighed. “He tried a few times. Never pushy, never forcing but no matter what fucking angle he approached it from. I just couldn’t.”
Shoko slides her arm over your shoulder and you pliantly turn to return the hug. Her shirt, unsurprisingly, reeks of cigarettes but it brings a semblance of comfort. For a moment you’re washed over with nostalgia though for once, it comes with no pain.
“Well, you’re good-looking and you should definitely take half of Satoru’s money in the divorce. You’re good with kids too, a definite catch,” she presses a kiss on your forehead and you accept it with a loose grin.
“You deserve someone and if you don’t want anyone that’s fine too. Just promise to invite me out sometimes,” her eyebags suddenly seemed darker and so you give her another hug.
“I love you, Shoko.”
“I know. Unfortunately, I do too.”
“You love me,” you tease as your fingers wiggle and she pushes your face away ruthlessly.
“Heavy emphasis on the unfortunately — tickle me and I won’t heal you.”
She lets you escape her grasps, flabbergasted at her statement.
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Satoru twists the ring, the light that it catches shimmering bashfully at his attentiveness. His husband had moved out, Megumi decided to sleep over after a whole day of helping him settle in and Satoru didn’t know how to feel about it. His hand feels naked and uncomfortable. The air that breezes lightly on the bare skin make gooseflesh ripple. The ring is enclosed by his fingers and he props his face on the fist, peering at the papers of this mission and that. The writing all look like giberrish, floating aimlessly in his brain as he thinks of (Y/N).
Had he truly never felt Satoru’s affections? It might have not been the love he deserved but to call it nothing was egregious. Or was he being selfish again?
Satoru pinches his nose bridge. His throat longs for the burn of alcohol which surprises him. He wasn’t much of a drinker — he wasn’t a happy drunk.
The ring grew warm in his hold and Satoru squeezed it. It always had the funniest way of doing that. It was as if it was alive, like a cursed object made to punish Satoru. Whenever his eyes wander or his mind reminisces of passionate nights, it burns and he resents himself for it. 10 years of involuntary celibacy was not something he thought of when he was younger. He liked sex. He doesn’t know if it was because it was good or because it was with Suguru. Regardless, Satoru enjoyed it.
He thought that if you got over that hurdle in your relationship, the two of you could fall into sync. He knows he cares about you and he knows you love him.
The house was so quiet. Satoru wants nothing more than to hear your soft breathing, Megumi’s sleepy mumbles and Tsumiki’s shifting around in bed.
He was supposed to be the strongest so why couldn’t he keep his family together?
Suguru told him that in another life they were all happy. But Satoru can’t help but ask himself why not in this life?
His hand unfurls and he slips the ring back in place.
(Y/N) Gojo is a Grade 1 sorcerer with extraordinary skill and wit in battle. His face was crafted by angels with feather-light touches, ones that thumbed the furrows of his brow with a sense of melancholy and kissed his eyelids with love; Satoru did not deserve you. He didn’t deserve to wake up with you by his side, caught by how beautiful you were when your guard was down.
Satoru suddenly wonders what made him unable to fall. It wasn’t your personality, nor your voice. You were funny, intelligent, headstrong, resilient, and everything most men fantasized about. Was it him? Even with all his attempts, his sweet gestures and words, did you see through it?
Did you see him?
What was it that you saw?
A tall child craving for his favorite person to come back?
…Was it a pathetic sight, (Y/N)?
Did you heart bleed for him?
Satoru stands, slipping the mission papers back into their files.
His guilt is a willow tree you had planted within him, tended by his own hands and watered with your tears. It’s beautiful and lonely, surrounded by flowers that climb and choke its branches as it hopes for someone to understand it.
You had. You understood the isolation he felt being on top and you supported him and got stronger to reach him. You saw right through him and he remained blind to you.
Shoko's name flashed across the screen of his phone. Satoru picks it up mindlessly, sitting on the end of your — his bed.
“You better give him half of your belongings in the divorce,” she says. He hears the burn of the cigarette as she inhales.
“Suguru was my friend. Just as much as he was (Y/N)’s.”
Satoru’s brow twitched. “Excuse me?”
“Suguru. I was there, believe it or not, and so was (Y/N). Suguru was our friend, our brother, our Suguru. We grieve him every day. Even before he was dead, we grieved him. I don’t fault you for being a shitty husband because of your grief, (Y/N) wasn’t the best husband either.”
“Don’t pretend to understand — “
“Get out of your head and stop mourning alone. All those years. When have you ever come to see me, Satoru? I was hurting too. ”
She exhales, flicking the ashes away as Satoru covers his wet eyes.
"I fucked up, Shoko." That was an understatement of the decade. She glances at the night sky, watching the buildings breeze past.
"I fucked up."
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“Itadori Yuuji?” You squint your eyes at the papers, ignoring the warmth that Satoru emits from your side. You were at a clan meeting. One that Satoru decided to join so, you had no choice but to listen to him.
“Sukuna’s vessel,” he tilts his head, scratching the back of his neck from the uncomfortable button-up you forced him into. If he wanted to annoy you, you’d gladly return the favor. It was a few sizes too tight and the tie you put around his neck choked him but, he acted as cool as a cucumber.
“The boy Megumi found?” He nods and you read his papers with more fervor.
“You fought Sukuna?” He smiles cheerfully, grinning from ear to ear as he spins in place.
“I won,” he cheers. It takes all your self-restraint not to throttle him. “That was reckless,” you hissed out, ignoring the servants eyeing the both of you as they set down the trays of tea and finger foods.
“I’m the strongest. I would’ve won anyways,” he peers over your shoulder to read through the report again.
“Why are you showing me this? The higher-ups already called for his execution.” He places his chin on your shoulder. Your breath hitched yet, neither of you commented on it.
“I told them I’d kill them if they executed Itadori Yuuji,” he faces you as you turn to glare at him. Your lips were centimeters apart. Satoru takes note of your racing heart.
“Are you insane?”
“He’s just a boy doing what he could to save our son. Itadori shouldn’t have to be killed for doing the right thing.”
He lets you push his head away, slipping the papers back into the document sleeve and sliding it over to him.
“He will be executed once he eats all his fingers, he is a lamb sent to slaughter.”
At times like this, you think of Suguru and wonder if he was telling some truth about the world you lived in. Kids dying in droves because of curses that would never exist if non-sorcerers didn’t exist. But really, this was no one's fault but Sukuna. The old bastard couldn’t just die instead, he prolongs his existence like a roach.
"Megumi blames himself for that,” your heart squeezes at the thought. “They get along great, such rambunctious students. You would love them, you could spend more time with ‘Gumi.”
“Satoru, I’m not going to be a teacher. I’ve no patience for it,” he looks befuddled at your words. “You’ve been my husband for 10 years, so that’s a lie.”
The reminder of your marriage earns him a stink eye that he just giggles at. The official papers were to be served in a few more months. Until then, you were still together in the public eye.
“Just...think about it, (Y/N). I know you’ve been busy with missions and these boring meetings but I also know you miss Megumi and he missed you too.”
Gods, he’s playing that card. Why does he always need to play that card? He knows you give in every time.
“How have those missions been? You’ve been traveling a lot,” he puts Itadori’s file away and gives you his full attention. “Exhausting but it is fun to sightsee and make new friends,” you reach for the cup of tea.
“...Ya popped your cherry yet?”
The tea sprays onto the table and you cough violently as you save yourself from the near-death experience. A servant gasps and rushes to clean the mess, another asking if you’re alright and if the tea was too bitter or hot.
“You’re — You are — “ he grins as you cough and pats your back. “You are so gross, Satoru!”
He cackles at your flustered expression.
The servants leave eventually and you stew as you sit across from Satoru, back turned to him to stare out at the courtyard. Your silhouette makes his smile widen. He props his chin in his palm, taking in the sight of you.
“I wouldn’t mind if you had. I was just asking, as a friend.” He’s glad your shoulders don’t stiffen. The only reply he earns is your middle finger.
“Whaaat? I just wanted to know if it was good.”
“Is this how you’re going to convince me to be a teacher? By asking vulgar questions?”
“Not my intention but if I can kill two birds with one stone then why not?” You groan as you hang your head, hoping the ground will swallow you whole. Satoru hums a tune as he awaits your answers.
“Fine! Fine. I’ll be a teacher.”
“You’ve earned one mark! For a full mark, answer the other question!”
You’re tempted to throw the whole tea set to his face but can’t help the smile that crawls on your face at his animated movements. So you turn to face him, shaking your head as you sigh.
“No, I haven’t. Does that satisfy you?” Satoru’s slack jaw makes you want to punch him.
“Nearly four months of traveling and missions and meeting other people. Not one got into your pants?” You huff and cross your arms.
“So you’ve let someone into your pants, husband?” Satoru gasps. “How dare you? I’ve been a dutiful teacher and my students will attest to this!”
He then placed his elbows on the table, looking like a schoolgirl about to gossip.
“You should tell me all about your type, I’ll be more than happy to help you,” he draws hearts in the air with his finger.
Your type? You wanted to scold him and maybe even degrade him for acting like a perverted cuckold but this question catches you off guard.
You found Satoru attractive. Then again, who didn’t? But what was your type? You place your chin between your thumb and finger. Satoru waits patiently.
“I don’t know, I mean, I know I like men but...huh...”
You scratch the back of your neck.
“I guess I never really thought about it.”
Satoru exhales, endeared by the worry on your face. He was a shitty husband but Satoru was a good friend. You had put your life on pause for his. It was only fair that he helped you. He may not be able to fully piece together your heart but he’ll do what he can until you can smile again.
Those months away helped, there’s no doubt about it, but he knows you miss home and you needed to put down new roots in soil that wasn’t infested and toxic.
He knows you’ll probably take years to forgive him. He’s willing to wait, so he can have his friend back.
“We can start simple. Which one of our friends would you sleep with?” Your shrug makes him list some names. Then the sight of your eyes widening as he says Nanami Kento makes him gasp.
“Nanami!? Our underclassmen!?”
As Satoru guffaws and goes on about how boring Nanami was your mind ponders on this tightening of your chest.
Were you too lenient with Satoru? After all he has done?
You weren't without sin or fault. You understand that much but this feels so different. Familiar, actually, there's no expectation in Satoru's affections.
It was casual and it made you feel lighter than you have in a long time.
Should you be angrier? As a boy, his friendly attitude felt like a slap across the face. Now, it just feels right. Has your heart finally stopped beating for Satoru? All it took was 10 years of a shitty marriage?
It was rare for sorcerers to live as long as you have. A sense of panic grips you. For a moment, the thought of time wasted flashes. Then, those sweet memories of Tsumiki and Megumi seep in. Memories of Shoko, Satoru, Suguru and you laughing boisterously at something stupid while eating at the school field.
Your eye creases as your cheeks lift. Satoru is still rambling about Nanami and the only thing that makes him stop is a sound from his fondest memory.
You're laughing. Clutching at your stomach and tear-pricked eyes kinda laugh. His huff of disbelief transitions into a chuckle.
Oh, you forgot how good it felt to laugh this hard. It felt so nice to have him as a friend again. So fucking nice.
"His cheekbones are something to behold, I know, but did you forget his old hairdo?"
Satoru can see the warmth seep back into your skin, your eyes are glowing again as you cover your face; those heavenly shades of (E/C) peek through your fingers. The ring glimmers, and for a moment Satoru's chest doesn't feel heavy.
"You can do better, husband," he says. Your teeth are in full view. No longer hidden by a grimace or frown or a tight-lipped grin. There was still a long way to go but Satoru was willing to go the distance. For his beloved friend who deserves it all.
He can't wait to tell Megumi you are back for good this time. He can't wait to see you interact with his students. He knew you'd get along with them, they'd love you. Gods know they need a break from him at times.
"You're so fuckin' dumb, 'Toru," you exclaim. He agrees with a hum and for the first time in a long time, you feel like yourself again.
"Made you laugh though," he dodges the pillow you'd been kneeling on with glee.
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minisugakoobies · 6 months
Text
It's You - Choi San | 3 AM
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Pairing: San x Reader Genre: smut, crack, fluff, angst, roommates to lovers, BFF’s Lil Bro!AU Series Rating: M (18+) Drabble Warnings: sneaking around, sloppy making out, lots of cuddling and kissing, honestly this is super soft, drunk San is a whole different type of menace, a little angst on OC's part, pet names deployed as weapons (baby) Word Count: 2.1k Disclaimers: SFW, obviously I don’t own ATZ - they just inspire me
Summary: He was only supposed to be a temporary roommate. Your best friend’s little brother, crashing on your couch for a few weeks. That’s it. How did this happen?
A/N: This started with talking about drunk San with @minttangerines and @kiestrokes, and then @moni-logues made me miss this couple, so boom! New vignette! I should warn you that I wrote this over the course of 2 days, entirely between the hours of midnight and 5 am because I've been staying up wayyyy too late to watch the Coachella livestreams (can we talk about Chellateez?! because holy shit!), so it's probably a mess and it's unbeta'd, so… blame any typos or incoherency on my fucked up sleep schedule! 🥱
Lyrics are from "Moondance" by Van Morrison, inspired by that one toktoq of San singing that song, which absolutely killed me.
Taglist is open! Reblog, comment, or send me an ask to be added! You can also send me any ideas/thoughts you might have for a future scenario - who knows, it might end up in a drabble! 💕
It’s You Masterlist 🐈‍⬛ ATZ Masterlist 🐈‍⬛ Main Masterlist
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It’s three in the morning, and you’re wide awake, at your desk, working frantically on an article whose deadline is mere hours away. For not the first time tonight, you curse your natural inclination towards procrastination and scrub your hand down your face, wishing you’d chosen a different career. 
There’s some noise outside your door and you realize San must be home. He’d been down at the Blue Bird with Hongjoong, drinking and hanging out with Wooyoung as he bartended. From the way San’s shuffling around, it sounds like Woo had been his typical kind self and given San more generous pours than he should have. A loud “oof” resonates, and you hear the armchair scrape the floor a bit, as if he were setting it back in its place. You wince, hoping he didn’t wake his sister, who has an early shift and needs to be up at dawn.
“Noona. Nooooooona.” Tap tap tappity tap. “Are you up? I can see - I can see your light.” 
San raps on your door, calling out to you in a voice that’s hushed but maybe not quite as quiet as he thinks it is. From his spot on your bed, Nero lifts his head off his paws at the sound, then blinks at you with his bright green eyes. 
“I know. He’s loud as fuck, isn’t he?” With a cluck of your tongue, you quickly hop up and open the door. San must’ve been leaning against it, because suddenly you’ve got a mountain on top of you, a loose-limbed one at that, eagerly but clumsily wrapping its arms around you. “San!” 
“Hiiiii,” San coos into your shoulder, where he’s buried his face. You shudder slightly as his breath tickles your skin exposed by the tank top you wear, and stagger away from the door enough to close it quietly as you can, not an easy task to do given the giant mass of man hanging his dead weight on you. 
“You know, your sister is sleeping just on the other side of this wall,” you remind him, but he doesn’t respond, too busy lathering the column of your neck with tiny kisses. “San. Come on, sit down.” 
With some stumbling from San and a not insignificant effort on your part, the two of you make it over to your bed. Your attempt at coaxing San into a sitting position fails miserably as he promptly splays on his back, pulling you on top of him. Nero hops off the bed in a huff. 
You go down like a sack of flour, not a gram of gracefulness in your fall, but San appears not to notice when your chin bounces off his sternum or your knee rams his thigh. He sighs contentedly, wrapping his arms around your back, tucking you against him.
“Mmmm. So nice,” he murmurs, resting his cheek against the top of your head. 
It’s three in the morning, and you need to finish this damn article. Except that right now, your body is telling you that what you really need is to stay exactly where you are. Because the minute the warmth of San’s embrace surrounded you, your stress melted away. The steady rise and fall of his chest calms you, makes your own breathing slow. You close your eyes, nestling closer to him, sliding your own arms around his waist. You could so easily fall asleep like this. 
But he can’t sleep here. 
“San. San, are you awake?” 
“I’m awake,” he replies, but with closed eyes, which doesn’t really give you a lot of confidence in his response. “I am,” he insists when you shake him, rolling his head away, but he still doesn’t look at you.
“Don’t fall asleep,” you warn him sternly. “I mean it!” 
San smiles, the one that tells you that he knows you’re going to give in to him, which is the smile you tend to see him flash the most often, because you’re weak for him and always giving in. But this isn’t one of those times when you can indulge him. No matter how much you want to. 
“Wish you’d come to the bar tonight. Wanted you there.” 
You knew that. He’d told you as much when he’d texted earlier. Unfortunately, you had to turn him down for the sake of remaining gainfully employed. He’d tried to convince you otherwise at first but finally said he understood. And then sent you a series of sad selfies, each one more pathetic than the last, lips puffing to an extreme. Because he understands the power that pout holds over you.
It’s embarrassing how bad you’re down for this man.
San’s fingers dance idly down your spine, and you sigh, eyes slipping shut again as you speak. “Believe me, I would’ve rather been there with you.” 
He hums, fingertips quickening their light minuet. He mumbles something into your hair, low and unintelligible from the way his lips are smushed against your head, so it takes you a few seconds to realize he’s not talking, he’s singing. 
“... marvelous night for a moondance, with the stars up above in your eyes…” 
“San,” you begin, but before you can warn him not to get any louder, he does so anyway, raising his beautiful voice a little, starting to get into it. 
“A fantabulous night to make romance, 'neath the cover of October skies…”
“Shhh!” Your shushing is cut short by your giggling, as you clap a hand over San’s mouth. “Oh my god, now is not the time for this!” 
This is one of San’s more notable habits - when a song gets stuck in his head, you’ll hear him singing it for days, just walking around the apartment humming the melody or, if he has an audience, belting out the lines. He knows how much you love his sweet tenor. Another fact about you he’s filed away to devastate you with at the most opportune times.
Like when you need to kick him out of your bed. 
He continues singing despite your hand pressing on his lips, slurring the words directly into your palm. His eyebrows are working overtime, top half of his face playfully conveying whatever lyrics are being smothered against your skin. He’s so ridiculous, so over-the-top, even at three in the morning when anyone else would be exhausted, like you felt before he walked into your room, since his energy is infectious and perked you up better than the multiple cups of coffee you downed in your desperate attempt to stay awake. That’s San for you - he’s always giving you something when you need it - his time, his help, his energy. 
So you decide to give him something back, and replace your hand with your mouth, drawing him into a tender kiss, imbuing it with all those things you feel but never say. His muffled singing becomes a hum becomes a moan, at first surprised, then pleased. One of his hands drops to your thigh and with a bit of urgent tugging, he maneuvers you on top of him, chest pressed to chest.
His kissing is only the slightest bit sloppier when he’s been drinking, wetter from his tongue caressing yours with somewhat less skill than usual, but it’s never bothered you. You like seeing this side of him, looser with his inhibitions, with whatever holds him in place - or holds him back. One day you’ll ask him to show you more, when you’re both sober. 
And when things are different. Less… ambiguous between the two of you. 
If you reach that point. 
“Noona.” San whispers, thankfully pulling you from the heavier thoughts threatening to sink you right out of the moment. You open your eyes to look at him as he pecks your cheeks.  “I like kissing you.” 
You grin, letting your forehead knock against his. “Yeah, I kinda noticed.” 
“Aren’t you going to say it back?” The look he gives you would melt the hardest of hearts. This is why you’re not afraid to be needy with San. There’s no reason to be, not when he’s just the same. 
“I like kissing you too,” you declare, kissing the tip of his nose, laughing at the way his eyes cross as he follows your lips. “But now’s not the time for that, either.” 
“Then what time is it?”
Laughing, you gently guide him into a sitting position, keeping your arms looped over his shoulders. His lust is morphing into sleepiness, eyelids drooping as he gazes at you, and your heart goes so soft at the sight of him. 
“It’s time for you to go to bed.” 
“Okay,” he chirps, immediately flopping onto his back again. 
“Ohhhh no, not here. You gotta go. I still have to finish my work, and you…” The words stick in your throat. You can’t be here. You don’t want to say them. You want him to be here. Tonight, and tomorrow, and on and on. 
But that’s a conversation for another time. Not three in the morning.
“You have to go,” you groan, sliding off the bed and grabbing his arms, less gentle and more insistent this time. “Come on, get up!” 
San lets out a whine of protest. “But baby, why can’t I stay here?” 
Oh, he would drop a ‘baby’ now, slipping it in so casually, so naturally, like there’s nothing unusual about him calling you that. As if it’s not something new he only started doing the other day, happening maybe a handful of times since. 
Since the two of you have been doing this undefined thing, there’s really only been one unspoken rule. You sleep in your bed, and he sleeps on the couch. Even on the nights when Haneul’s working the late shift, or she’s over at Jongho’s. You never know if she’ll come home early, so you don’t risk it. It’s just easier this way.
Doesn’t mean you like it, though. 
“Because. If Haneul catches you coming out of here - “
The sound of a door opening makes you freeze right down to your tongue, leaving your sentence unfinished. Your head swivels towards your own door. A pair of feet pad down the hall, getting closer, then fading away, until you hear another door being closed. The bathroom. 
“Noona.” 
You turn to find a sober-looking San staring at you. He reaches out, hands settling on your hips, holding on to you as you stand between his legs. Clinging again. 
“She’s in early today, right?” 
The two of you probably know Haneul’s schedule better than she does. You nod.
“Then I’ll just stay in here. She’ll think I never came home.” 
He makes it sound so simple. So reasonable. He’ll stay here until she leaves. Why didn’t you think of that? Is it because you don’t like thinking of San with someone else, even if said person is an imaginary person who exists solely to provide an excuse that will allow you to get what you want? And if you get what you want now, it’s only going to hurt more when you can’t have it anymore?
Yeah, that’s probably it. 
“I don’t know…” you bite your lip.
“Come on,” he wheedles, drawing you into his lap again, cupping your face with both hands. “Let me stay with you. Don’t you want me?” 
And there it goes, the last remaining bit of your resistance. 
“Okay.”
San seems a little shocked, face lighting up in delight, and you wonder if it’s at how quickly you agreed, or that you agreed at all. Maybe both.
“But we have to be quiet. So, you know…” You trail off, gesturing wordlessly. 
“No moondancing?” He emphasizes the word heavily, lifting a brow, and you roll your eyes but grin as well.
“Right, none of that.”
“Just cuddles?” 
As if he needs to ask. You nod. “But I’m not coming to bed until I finish my work.” You reclaim your seat at your desk, folding your arms over the back of it, trying to give the appearance of someone with a solid backbone, since yours is apparently made of pudding. 
“That’s okay,” San says, already tugging his shirt off, then his pants, until he’s only in his boxer briefs. He peels back your comforter, sliding into the soft sheets, and again the action is so natural, so normal, like he does this every night, that something in your chest constricts. “I’ll just wait for you.” 
Your first thought is that you should inform him that he’s going to be waiting a while, but then again, maybe he won’t. 
You’re feeling suddenly inspired. 
(It’s three in the morning, and you’re falling in love.)
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Taglist: @sweetnspicy-noona @krystal-a @jennylychee @hiefisch
© 2023-24 by minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost. I do not allow translations of my work.
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