#gracy ain’t fucking around

[i-like-writing-stuff]

never changing; part two [ five hargreeves x reader ]

a/n: y’all this ain’t much i’m still trying to reacommodate myself back into writing but i will share a final part 3 to this imagine eventually!!!

again this is just fluff and banter i love keeping things light hearted

and i’m trying to heal myself with what could’ve been 😔

summary: you and the hargreeves siblings start your rescue mission

“Well, you all certainly look shittier than the other,” You crossed your arms awkwardly, watching the seven Hargreeves siblings as they were all clutching onto their bodies, sprawled across what used to be the fancy mansion that they grew up in.

Now it was just looking as beat down as your family.

“You’re fucked up in the head,” Ben groaned, making you roll your eyes.

“Coming from the dipshit who roofied his siblings with space juice… that’s a big statement,” Diego mumbled, as the others nodded in agreement.

After Gracie’s birthday party, you intended to go back to the office and catch up on some paperwork. The current case you were working on was truly a pain in the ass. Ever since you started working on it a couple of months ago, you didn’t think that anything else was more important than trying to win it. Boy, were you wrong.

You intended to leave the party a bit earlier, so that’s exactly what you did. Even if you felt like you couldn’t get enough of bantering with the family, playing with Gracie and most specially, talking to Five, you eventually dragged yourself back to the car and drove back to work. You needed that gathering, you truly did- in spite of the inevitably awkward moments.

That’s why when Five called you to inform to that Viktor got kidnapped, you didn’t hesitate to drive back to the mansion and regroup with the siblings to rescue their brother. One thing led to another, you managed to save him and even celebrate after that, but it wouldn’t be a Hargreeves mission without something going sideways.

“We have to get going, asshats,” Five reminded you all, stroking his hair.

You wanted to comfort him, as your heart sunk watching the dark circles around his eyes. His skin was as pale as a ghost, and he was groaning lightly through heavy breaths. His long fingers were running through his messy hair, as his other hand was holding the marigold jar loosely.

You always thought how stupid it was that you could just look at him for hours, just because he was so pretty. He could be doing nothing, you still couldn’t get enough of him.

This is so embarrassing, it’s been six years, you thought to yourself, looking away exactly as he caught a glimpse of your stare, Besides, he looks like he is dying. Handsomely, but dying, nonetheless.

The same man who kidnapped Viktor last night entrusted you with a rescue mission to bring his daughter back home. You decided not to pursue it, eventually, and before you went your separate ways, you all had a shot of Sake, ushered by Ben.

The rest is history.

Point is, everyone seemed to have their powers back.

“Shotgun,” You raised a hand, as the seven siblings started cussing at you on your way to Diego and Lila’s van.

You felt very nostalgic, since so many years passed without being with everyone. It was bittersweet, but you tried to promise to yourself to not get too attached. You liked your current life, and as lovely as it was spending time with Five, that led to nowhere. It was just a stupid little crush, anyway.

The family van was parked in front of the building, right in front of your car, so Diego started moving some thing into your car trunk to make room for everyone. Allison and Klaus were talking to Claire on the phone, as Ben, Luther and Lila were bickering about the sconces and Viktor was still trying to calm his nerves.

“You okay?” You placed your hand on Five’s shoulder, feigning a confident smile.

You were honestly so concerned for them, all of them.

“Just the most annoying hangover in my life,” Five placed his hand on yours absentmindedly.

Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal, he appreciated your concern, he always did. When he got hurt in missions you were always scolding him and he acted annoyed with your protectiveness, but this was the first time he actually showed gratitude for it.

“But you don’t gotta get all up in my ass,” He added with a smirk, taking your hand off his shoulder.

There it was.

He still held onto it, proudly, as you rolled your eyes, not even noticing how naturally your hands locked together.

“Oh please, you’d love me to get all up on you,” You scoffed, making him chuckle.

“Since when are you so arrogant?” He wondered.

“I may have picked up a thing or two from you over the years,” You shrugged your shoulders lightly.

“Should’ve picked up the phone more often,” Five said, causing you to wave a hand in front of your face bored of how many times you’ve been told that;

“The phone that…”

“Works both ways,” He interrupted you, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Then you don’t really have a leg to stand on,” You declared with a smile.

“Is that right?” He took a step closer, eyeing you curiously.

If you were to ask him where did that come from, he really had no idea what to say. Five always was unpredictable, but this was something new. But then again, it’s not like your relationship was that cold- it wasn’t. However, he was playing with fire a tad too much.

It all felt so ridiculous. How could he still make your heart thump heavily just with a simple look? You felt so little compared to him, as hard as you tried to seem confident. With the help of your platform boots you were still almost reaching his chin, and that was to show you just how young you both still were, even if your mental ages begged to differ.

“You still look like shit,” You broke the ice, still trying to keep up a tough exterior.

“Bullshit,” Five grinned, obviously feeling a lot better.

Little did you know how much your simple presence helped his mental well-being.

Surprisingly, he thought to himself.

“Are you two gonna suck faces or can we move along?” Ben suddenly walked up to you and his brother, as the rest of the family was watching everything unfold as if it was a soap opera.

“Why’d you wanna watch your brother kiss someone?” You wondered, letting go of Five’s hand to climb into the car along the others.

“That’s not okay,” Klaus agreed.

“You’re getting weirder by the second,” Allison told Ben, as he tried to argue.

“What the fuck?” Diego turned to watch his brother disgusted, as Viktor was just silently side-eyeing the tentacle man.

“I fucking hate you all,” Ben said defeated, looking around the car.

“At least they don’t wanna watch their fresh 19 year old brother eat tongue,” You couldn’t help the banter.

“Don’t say fresh 19,” Luther chimed in as well, as the siblings turned to you now.

“He is 64, nothing about him is fresh,” Klaus pointed out.

“Shut the fuck up, fuckface,” Five only rolled his eyes.

And thus the road-trip begun.

[gallafics]

𝙶𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚏𝚒𝚌'𝚜 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠

Title: Quatervois Author: @dodgerbear84 (Ao3)

Rating: Explicit Series: N/A

Chapters: 8/8 Word Count: 51.5k

Archive Warnings: No Warnings Used

Favorite Character: Two lovely side characters; a bartender named Cam & Mickey’s friend Kenny. And of course our boys.

Least Favorite Character: I didn’t have any characters in particular that I disliked, but Gracie’s mom?? iykyk

Ao3 Summary: “Quatervois (Qua-ter-vwa): A crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one’s life.

Closeted soldier Mickey meets farmer Ian in a bar when on leave from his base in the Deep South and discovers that making the leap toward happiness isn't as tough when you have someone on your side.”

Review: This fic actually blew me away. The writing style is extremely cinematic and had me convinced I actually just watched a movie instead of reading a book. I could vividly picture Ian’s farm, their facial expressions, the bar, the creek—everything. I felt like I was there watching it in person.

Mickey and Ian’s build up in this fic is beautiful. Their flirtation is both cute and sexy while also having hints of pining and being slight idiots. Mickey falling for Ian in this fic is a favorite of mine because it’s so obvious how much they want one another but have things that are keeping them apart.

This fic really has it all. There’s spice, there’s banter, theres fluff, there’s lust and longing and perfect comedic timing! It’s all around a beautiful fic that has made its way to my personal downloads because I will be re-reading it!

Spoilers Below↓

Favorite Moment: So, I’m a sucker for the moments in a story that just rip your heart out and absolutely stomp on it in front of you, so, I would say my favorite part is when Mickey is leaving the state, getting ready to deploy and he and Ian are saying good-bye…

“Don’t think about what you’re leaving behind. Think about the bright future ahead of you. Promise me you won’t dwell on us saying goodbye.” Mickey’s heart clenched tightly in his chest. “I promise.”

Equally favorite moment is their first meeting, it’s so tense and Ian’s so nice and Mickey is gay panicking and ends up being an asshole

“I wasn’t asking to be your friend. I was just being friendly. Big difference. Sorry to have offended” Mickey watched as Ian headed back to his corner and felt irrational anger bubble up inside him. “What? You’re not gonna thank me for my service?” Ian laughed loudly and hollowly, turning to face Mickey and lifting the hem of his black shirt up to his chin. Mickey gaped at the display of rock hard abs and firm pectoral muscles. It lasted a moment before he spotted the livid red skin of severe but well healed burns covering the left side of Ian’s body from waist to armpit. “You gonna thank me for mine? Didn’t think so. Drink your beer, soldier, I won’t bother you again.”

Honorable mentions, their first kiss, Mickey visiting the creek, the conversation about Ian’s bed (iykyk), still obsessing over their reunion, the waterfall scene (!!) and so so many other good moments in this one!!

Favorite quote(s):

“Anything happens to Ian and you’ll have this whole bar looking for you.”

“You totally fed it.” “The fuck you on about?” “The stray cat. You fed it. You make out like you’re this tough badass but you have a caring side”

“I just… I ain’t ever… this is all… wow fuck. Kiss one guy and you use your grip on life.”

“There’s a sight I could never get tired of seeing.” Ian leered. “Me sweating my tits off while I try to stay fit enough to be a soldier even though I drink beer like water and smoke more than a funeral home chimney?”

“Nobody has ever touched me there.” Ian mumbled against Mickey’s mouth. “You’re beautiful.” Mickey had never said those words to anyone before.

“Then you came along. You, with your fucking attitude problem and killer smile.”

There were honestly so many moments in this fic that made me insanely happy and have stuck in my brain. It’s such a beautiful story. If you haven’t read it 10000/10 recommend, if you have read it? Go read it again!!!

Final thoughts: The plot was plotting. The spice was spicy. The romance was romancing. The chemistry was off the charts. I cried. I laughed. And everyone in the gym probably thought the lady on the treadmill was crazy cause I couldn’t stop grinning at my phone! Amazingly, beautiful, cinematic masterpiece!!

Thank you so much, DodgerBear, for blessing us with this fic!!

— Harley, Gallafics Reviews

[cultofdixon]

I’m Lucky I Found You

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Finally a Christmas without having to worry about anything but what’s been around since square one • SFW/Lil Angst • TW: Mentions of Pregnancy & Birth / Mentions of Frostbite

Happy Holidays y’all 🤍🎄

“It’s snowing!” The small child was up against the glass of the living room window watching the snow fall for a moment before pulling herself away to bother a few certain people upstairs.

The child struggles to climb onto the bed, resulting in her falling off along with the blanket covering the sleeping few. The thud caused the two in the bed to shot forward to the sound.

“I’m ok!”

“She’s gonna be the death of me” the drawl of his southern accent was music to the other’s tired ears as she rubs the sleep from her eyes. “You alright sweet pea?”

“Yes! Go back to sleep” the child wiggles herself out of the blanket only for the dog to investigate her momentarily as she collects herself.

“You heard the little one” He immediately wraps his arm around his significant other slamming them both back onto the bed causing a gasp to escape her.

“Daryl!”

“Shh. We’re supposed to be sleepin’ Y/N so Fallon wakes us up” Daryl rolled himself on top of his other half making her laugh beneath him. He suddenly rolled off when he was suddenly smacked on the back. “Okay what the hell!”

“It’s snowing!” Fallon went to smack him again when Daryl suddenly grabbed his squealing daughter bringing her into the cuddle puddle. “I wanna go outside! Not stay in bed!”

“Five more minutes” Daryl sandwiched his kid between him and his girl hearing them both giggle like maniacs.

After finally getting up and getting the overly excited child dressed for the snow, Fallon sprinted out the front door and immediately fell into a pile of snow. Daryl sprinted out shortly after to pick her up and make sure she didn’t hurt herself but once he lifted her, she started to giggle again.

“She really is gonna be the death of you” Y/N laughs a bit adjusting Dog’s sweater before letting him run out to the two and eventually the Grimes kids that joined.

“Uncle Daryl! Auntie Y/N! It’s snowing!” Judith smiles running over to Fallon the second she was set down as the two started to get to work on their snowman.

“Imma get the fireplace going, and maybe a certain birdie would be awake. Don’t let Fallon or Judith slip on the ice D” Y/N chimes in before letting Michonne and baby RJ into the house to enjoy the warmth.

“I ain’t gonna let’em slip—-hey no running!” Daryl yells watching the two run in the direction of the pantry to get a carrot for their snowman. But slipped every now and then because of the ice on the street. “They’re really out to get me” he groans catching up but didn’t see the curb do to the snow and tripped into a pile of it.

“Oh my god” Of course Aaron had to make his way over to the Dixon’s right as Daryl face planted. “Yknow…That’s not how you make a snow angel”

“Once I get up, I’m killing yea” Daryl groans taking the extended hand from his friend as Gracie gave them both pleading looks while holding the fish they’re bringing to Christmas. “They’re finding a carrot for their snowman, I’ll take that and you join’em?” He smiles watching the little one light up handing off the dish to Daryl before joining Judith and Fallon.

“So how’s Y/N holding up? Still spooked by what happened during the summer?”

“A bit. Fuck, so am I” Daryl frowns rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “But the Dixon and Grimes kids are fighters.”

“Hey don’t forget about my kid” Aaron smiles being a proud dad over his little one. “They’re all fighters”

“But still our babies” Daryl adds watching Judith and Fallon help Gracie up to put the finishing touch on their snowman. The sound of the gates opening startled the three a bit but once they saw who it was they started to run toward the arrivals.

“Better hope Auntie Carol didn’t bring another knife for Fallon” Aaron elbows his friend getting an eye roll in response. Not that Y/N has an issue with it, just Daryl wanting his little girl to stay his little girl forever and will always be protective of her.

The kids ran toward Carol and Ezekiel’s wagon and before they even got close, Henry stopped all of them picking them all up. The four-five year olds squealed giggling trying to get out of the teen’s arms as he mainly stopped them so the horses wouldn’t trample them.

“Need a hand?” Carol laughs patting her son on the back once they got the horses handled as he sets the kids down for all of them to swarm their aunt Carol. “Wow pawning them off to me?”

“They want to see you more than me” Henry scoffs playfully before going to help his dad.

“Did you bring it auntie Carol? Did you?” Judith smiles up at Carol as she couldn’t help her own before going to grab the thing in question.

The thing was the famous Grimes hat, Carol took it to get it padded to fit the five year old better. Judith squeals happily hugging Carol once more before running toward the Dixon house to show her mom. Gracie smiles happily going over to Ezekiel and hugging him quickly as Fallon made grabby hands toward her aunt being picked up immediately.

“You driving your dad crazy yet?” Carol smiles watching Fallon shake her head as she held onto her while she carried the little one. “Well there’s always time”

Soon everyone was in the Dixon house enjoying the company of their friends and family. Daryl went into the kitchen to grab a glass for Siddiq when he spotted Y/N staring at an unopened envelope by the sink while she held their two year old in her arms. The young one instantly ratting out his existence.

“Daddy”

Y/N immediately turns to the archer taking not only a clean glass for their friend, but their son Robin out of her arms.

“Gonna read it?”

“I don’t know if I’d like what is written��but she did go out of her way to write it and give it to someone she trusts to deliver it to me” Y/N frowns for just a second, only for her smile to return when not only Daryl kisses her forehead but Robin mimicking his daddy’s action.

“The kiddos wanna go out in the snow again, could give yea the time. Or we can go out later when everybody is settled and asleep. Give yea more privacy”

“You are the most perfect man…” Y/N smiles bringing herself close to kiss her husband, and then their little one. “But I just need a second…”

“Take all the time yea need. But I don’t make any promises that I won’t check on yea” Right as Daryl was making his leave, Y/N tugged on the back of his poncho.

“You need to get Robin suited for the snow. We don’t need to worry about frostbite”

Daryl scoffs with a smirk knowing damn well he’s gonna bubble wrap his two year old with snow clothes before joining the rest of the family.

Right as Robin was set in the snow in his layers, he immediately sprinted for the dog as Fallon whispers to Judith and Gracie what they should do. Making the three swarm Robin and add him into their plan. Michonne found purchase on the porch to their home watching the kids hide behind a snow covered bush to make snowballs.

“Dog, stick with’em” Daryl whistles at Dog who was already following the small pack of kids before sitting with Michonne. “Better cover RJ”

“Oh you already know their plan?”

“Yea think we ain’t gonna be pelted by snowballs at least once during the snowy season?”

“Fair” Michonne laughs using her scarf and blanket gifted by Aaron to cover them both. Her laugh faded along with her smile as she didn’t want to bring it up but Daryl could tell.

“No change…once it’s warmer in setting out for another two weeks.”

“I love your dedication Daryl and I appreciate it for more than just my sake…but it’s okay to stick around and just have to stay that way.” Michonne sighs softening a bit as she looks down at RJ who was comfortable snuggled up to his mother. “Your wife is too understanding. Given everything we’ve all faced…but you don’t want to miss any of this”

Daryl knew Y/N was always understanding of everything he’s done. She was always going to be on his side, even if he can be wrong, but those times she’s always told him how she felt about it.

________

“Daryl”

“I can’t talk Y/N. I gotta get my gear”

“But Daryl”

Daryl stops the second he heard it as he drops everything he was holding onto the bed to bring Y/N into his embrace after hearing her start to sob.

“Daryl…if you have to, you have to. But p-please. It’s not just me anymore…” Y/N continued to sob holding onto Daryl as he wasn’t letting go any time soon knowing she’s referring to their kids. Their two beautiful kids that couldn’t afford to lose either of them or anymore of their family.

“I still gotta look…but I’ll always come back. For all of you…I ain’t disappearing”

________

“He’s my brother…I won’t ever stop, but I’m not planning on missin’ any of this” Daryl gave Michonne a quick smile before it faded when the snowball was met with his face. Michonne immediately snorted to what happened as the little gasps from the girls were heard and the shocked expression on Daryl’s youngest was met with a harmless glare from their dad.

“He was supposed to aim for your chest”

“He’s a good shot!” Judith laughs giving another snow ball to Robin as he held it while Daryl got up towering the small child watching him drop the snowball.

“Guess I’ve got an advantage” Daryl picked up Robin holding him carefully but like he’d hold his crossbow. Robin started squealing as he picked up a snowball when Daryl lowered him enough to get one. “Get’em Robin!” He pointed toward sibling as Fallon was met with a snowball to the face.

“Scatter!” Fallon yells running away from the human crossbow being held by the expert.

Carol stepped out of the house with Henry to join in on the fun by getting a snowball set up and hitting her own son. Henry immediately started picking up the snow making them into snowballs before hitting anybody on site. The three little girls teamed up to get everybody who was also throwing snowballs.

The small fight lasted for what felt like hours which lead to Daryl carrying his sleepy kids back inside and Carol carrying Judith while Henry follows exhausted. Aaron carried Gracie inside as they all decided to have them sleepover. Part of having everyone under the same roof was comforting, reminded the quarry few about their time in the prison before the chaos. Daryl handed blankets off to everybody who needed one, watching Fallon get comfortable with Judith and Gracie as she refused to sleep in her own bed when her friends were over. Robin was comfortable in his Aunt Carol’s arms as she sat by the fire with Henry and Ezekiel.

Once he was sure knowing they’re all comfortable, Daryl went in search for his other half as it didn’t take long to find her outside on the porch swing with a now open letter.

“Everything alright?”

“Hershel is doing good, so is Maggie…but they aren’t coming back for a while” Y/N frowns readjusting when Daryl sat beside her wrapping his arm around her shoulders as she brought her blanket to cover them both.

“To Alexandria? That was obvious…cuz of Negan”

“No, to Hilltop. All of it. She’s going to explore more of what’s out there…with her son. Find and help people pretty much” Y/N leaned into Daryl feeling him rub up and down her arm soothingly. “Who knows when she’ll come back…”

“She’s strong. She and Hershel Jr. will be alright” Daryl kisses the top of her head hearing her hum happily. “And when she needs us, she’ll come back”

“I hope so” Y/N snuggles into her husband more feeling him tighten his hold on her. She looked out into the community seeing it start to snow once again as in a sense it was calming. “Daryl?”

“Yeah doll?”

“I’m lucky I found you”

Daryl felt the heat rise to his face and the uncontrollable smile break out on his face as he rests his chin on top of her head bringing her even closer.

“I’m lucky I found you too”

[abubblingcandle]

Augusnippets - Day 31 - Tearful Goodbye - Strike Back

cw - canonical main character death, grief

Gracie doesn't hate Chetri. Gracie just hates that they need Chetri there. The only voice in her ear keeping them safe should be Will's and she is forgetting his voice. When she forgets his voice, then he is lost to her forever.

Here on AO3 @augusnippets

Gracie had basically fled as soon as Chetri wasn’t looking in her direction. She didn’t have long before she had to leave for the mission but her hands were shaking and her breath catching in her throat.

“Novin?” Mac frowned looking up from the intel packet.

Gracie cursed under her breath. In her haste to get outside and away from Chetri she hadn’t checked she was alone in the small alley outside the crib. “Mac,” she sighed, coughing when the words came out choked.

“Everything good?” Mac prompted, ever the gentleman despite seeing her frazzled and emotional.

“Yeah, yeah,” Gracie murmured, turning around to head back inside but stopping in the doorway. Mac might get it. He might be one of two people in her life right now that would. “Chetri brought up Will.”

“Ah,” Mac sighed, closing the folder and clutching at it so heard it left nail shaped indents in the paper.

“It brought back some, some emotions and some feelings I have been taking out on Chetri,” Gracie stepped back outside fully.

“We’ve all been doing it. It’s shit but I can’t stop comparing her to him,” Mac nodded and that confession started the flood.

“I told him that I didn’t want him there, I told him that this life wasn’t for him,” Gracie’s voice caught in her throat as she looked up at the sky, a desperate attempt to keep the tears in her eyes.

“Novin,” Mac sighed, stepping closer. Gracie waved her hand and sniffed as she shook her head. If Mac was fucking nice to her right now that would ruin everything. The dam would burst and she would be lose underneath that crippling grief once again. They didn’t have time for that. Her lips pressed together, teeth worrying the skin on the inside of her bottom lip.

“That was a lie. I lied because I wanted him safe. He was great at this. He wasn’t bad out there and when everything was going to shit his voice was always there to keep us safe,” one lone tear threatened her tender grasp on composure.

“I didn’t appreciate it until we didn’t have it anymore,” Mac sighed, “the voice on the other end of the radio before was always someone distant, a pencil pusher just for that job. But he was a part of the team and treated us like we were the only thing that mattered.”

Gracie nodded, the vice on her chest loosened as Mac verbalised some of her pain. “I’m forgetting it Mac. I’m forgetting his voice and it fucking hurts,” the last words troubled out of her in a pained yell, a wounded animal’s cry for help. “And Chetri. She’s great.”

Mac’s scoff broke her flow, “you hate her.”

“I,” Gracie half laughed half sobbed, “I don’t hate her. She’s adjusting. She’s new.”

“She’s not him,” Mac sighed.

“Every time the radio clicks and her voice comes through it, it’s like hearing Donovan confess to his murder over and over again. It’s reminding me I won’t hear his voice over the comms and I won’t get to see that stupid little nervous tic,” her hand automatically reached up to rub at the back of her neck.

“That he did whenever he had found something or did something clever but didn’t want to gloat about it,” Mac chuckled quietly.

“I told Chetri not to make friends on the job. Just clock in, clock out,” Gracie started to run out of steam and slumped against the wall next to Mac.

“That’s long gone for us ain’t it,” Mac smiled, knocking their shoulders together. It fell quiet but Mac slowly brought out his phone and was tapping away. Then Gracie’s phone buzzed. She turned and looked at him in confusion. “I wasn’t sure whether it would be healthy for you to have this but after today. I think it would really help. I, I shouldn’t have done it and it took a lot of string pulling but for me it’s worth it,” he nodded and walked back inside before Gracie could ask any of the questions she now had. Mac had texted her a phone number. With the man himself seemingly not going to elaborate Gracie shrugged. What was the point in waiting?

The phone rang. And rang. And rang. Whoever it was that Mac wanted Gracie to talk to clearly was not going to pick up. What a waste of …

“Hey there you. You have reached the voicemail of Will Jensen. If you are hearing this message then I either don’t want to talk to you or can’t talk right now. You should know which you are. If this call is urgent then, please text. I never check these things, and really does anyone call these days? If it’s not urgent then hey, it’s not my problem.”

Gracie didn’t notice the tears streaming down her cheeks. It was him. It was Will. It was his voice. It wasn’t his radio voice, his work voice but it was so him it hurt. She hung up, and redialled again.

“Hey there you. You have reached the voicemail of Will Jensen. If you are hearing this message then I either don’t want to talk to you or can’t talk right now. You should know which you are. If this call is urgent then, please text. I never check these things, and really does anyone call these days? If it’s not urgent then hey, it’s not my problem.”

She didn’t know how Mac had found it. Will never shared his personal phone with them. He had his work phone. Gracie had all of Will’s data, all of his secrets but this one. Now she would never let it go.

He was gone. But he was never forgotten.

[rayrayor]

So Lily is ready to move in to her dorm and just to get to know her roommate. But Milkovich and Gallagher family members have Gracie and her moms learn more than they bargained for about her family. Papa is in full Mickey form .

Notes:

So AO3 was down today and I could not get into a draft ( lesson back up drafts)

I recently began reading the series by SPNDreamer228 , Lina Milkovich Gallagher and loving it .

I just love the Galladads universe and finding new authors to enjoy.

So while waiting for the AO3 superstars to work their magic , I decided to visit my Galladads and Lily Gazer as I could not get in and read the last work I had left of Lina .

MOVE IN DAY

Gracie and her moms just moved in her bags and she sat in her dorm bed nervous, her roommate and her chatted a few times when rooms were assigned . The bit she had, her roommate was nice. They had not said anything to Gracie but her roommate also seemed very strait laced , had gone to a private girls school started college at 17. Their fear was like always, Gracie would be judged by having two moms.

There were boxes on the other bed but no roommate. Suddenly a petite red head burst through the door with a coffee . She was striking , long red hair with curl, pale skin dotted with freckles and piercing blue eyes Her smile was a big sunbeam .

” omg hi Gracie , I’m Lily . Those are cool glasses, I love vintage things. “

She pulled Gracie into a hug then turned and introduced herself to them.

” Lily did your parents leave?”

” No ma’am I think they are around here..”

” Lily baby your RA said you could have your electric kettle, I think it will be good to have, you drink way too much caffeine, Uncle Carl sent you all that weird tea you both drink.”

Gracie and her moms stared a very tall muscled ginger who matched Lily’s coloring . He was an incredibly handsome man.

After gently dropping a kiss on his daughters head he turned .

” You must be Gracie , I love that lip gloss it’s gorgeous. Oh shit hi sorry . I am Ian, Lily’s dad. “

” I am Angie and this is my wife Sue. First time drop off?”

” No Lily’s older brother Liam went here , by the way Lily he is driving in for dinner . “

“ Cool , Gracie you will like Liam , he was an economics major like you. He is in law school now .. umm do I want to know.. where is papa?”

The redhead broke into a fond but amused look .

” When I left him he was grumbling about the safety logs on the fire extinguishers “

He turned to the ladies “ My husband is a bit overprotective, he can be um …let’s say …passionate when it comes to the kids .”

At husband Gracie and her moms grinned at each other .

” Fuck you, fuck you and especially fuck you “ They heard bellowing down the hall. Lily dropped her head into her hands .

Angie grinned “ Sounds like a party all ready”

Lily looked resigned “ Yeah not really . 5. 4. 3. 2. 1”

” Aye punk waaay too many boys sniffing around here , studies first.“

She teased “ Again what if I am a lesbian like Aunt Debbie and Sandy , lots of girls papa”

” No dyke bars with them until 18 don’t need some drag king making moves”

Ian’s voice showed that these seemed to be regular conversations in the family.

” Mick for the hundredth time , 21. Legal drinking age is 21. “

After being introduced to the tough looking man named Mickey of all things they watched him check out the windows then the lock on the girls door, frowning .

Lily’s papa as she called him was smaller than his husband , stocky but not in a way that was heavy but compact and powerful . His husband was carved and shredded muscle but the brunette a powerhouse. He had electric blue eyes that matched his daughters perfectly . Lily side by side with them looked almost like a 50/50 mix of them both.He turned and addressed both girls now sitting on the bed passing Lily’s coffee back and forth.

” Listen up cupcakes, that lock ain’t for shit , next week I will come back , drill that one out put in ones like at the grow houses. Hmm maybe when I come back , get a steel enforced door…”

” Papa you can’t just yank out a door at university “

” For what we are paying if I want remodel this whole room for you both I will .And by the way can that skirt get any shorter punk ? It looks like one Aunt Mandy would have wore to try and flirt with daddy back in the day.”

Gracie laughed and her moms checked out Lily’s knee length wrap dress with tights, confused.

“ Says the man always trying to low key flirt with sleeveless shirts… oh Ian look at my pale biceps, got ‘em in juvie working out .”

” Douche bag, I married him”

” Ass wipe he was my boyfriend first “

” ohhh a gay boy with his girl beard , whatever Mands”

Ian had stopped making Lily’s bed and was watching , arms folded .

” Daddy are you gonna stop this?”

” Sorry baby it’s been like a long time since they fought over me like this . Last time I think she was pregnant with you ( Gracie’s moms exchanged knowing looks ) and they were fighting over clouds or stars on your nursery ceiling. This is kind of puffing up my ego. Your old man does not pull the same looks like when I was younger.”

” Pulease every time you drag me to boystown it’s like he ain’t Macy’s and you ain’t window shopping “ Mickey snorted.

Gracie was fascinated. She loved her moms but they were both stoic and very PC. Lily’s dads were rough and loud but you could hear not insults . but love.

” Daddy?”

Ian took action , he loped over to Mickey and pulled him in as he sputtered and gave Mandy the finger. Both Gracie and her moms realized then he had knuckle tats which spelled fuck u- up .

” Baby , look Lily and now Lily and Gracie will be fine with the door they have. You spent her teen years threatening to take doors off and now you wanna put one on? “

He pulled up brows furrowed at his husband , bottom lip being chewed on while now that Ian was taming his thug shrew, Lily calmly opened boxes and split a snickers with Gracie.

” Firecrotch ( Sue almost choked on her gum) what if there is a fire?”

” It’s already a fire door Mick”

” tsunami.”

” We are in Illinois. They are on the third floor and if the room is flooding, I prefer they get out easier .”

A deep discontented huff

“ Use your words Mick “

” ok what if a bunch of good time Charlies come rolling down the halls at 3 am?”

” Well it’s not 1943 so those good time Charlie’s would be dead so not a lot of trouble and Lily knows those moves from you when you worked for the cart..in Mexico when you worked in Mexico.”

” Fine fucking ok no new door. Can I put a chain inside like a motel “

” yeah”

He turned to the girls “ oh and getting you both bear spray in case you are going through campus late or early.”

” Mick they can’t carry bear spray “

” You got a better idea Aunt know it all not like she can take a 38 into class.”

” Well Uncle Officer Carl could get them pepper spray “

“ Terrifies me that Carl Gallagher has access to a badge, guns and

chemical warfare”

” UNCLE IGGY “ Lily ran and was scooped up by a blonde man also with knuckle tats . She was put down and slugged him hard.

” Ow Lily “

“ That’s for after all these years getting conned to join uncle Joey in that hair brain scheme and going back!”

” Could have brought her when you guys came out, fuck Mandy why did you hit me”

” also pissed “

Mickey hugged Iggy. “ love you man but told you she was not growing up in prison visiting room like us , you all know you go in she doesn’t come out to Statesville. “

Gracie and her moms both noticed Ian and Lily rubbing the bridge of their noses.

” Well now that you have met the Milkovich’s , any Gallagher’s besides Liam showing up ?”

” You mean us?”

Uncle Lip swung her around then hugged her dads and patted Iggy on the shoulder.Tami gave hugs then settled a death glare on Mandy.

”Mandy so surprised your clients allowed you away .”

” Really you do hair Tami , hey Iggy let’s go check in at the hotel . Lily bean I love you see you at dinner “

Uncle Lip chatted about the new men’s group he started for AA and Tami slid behind Lily to French braid her hair. Lily’s gaze intensified and both her and Mickey were watching Ian fold and refold her clothes mumbling softly about keeping it organized.

Soothing and quiet “ Daddy did you take your pills , you ok , kind of a stressful day?”

” Fourth person who asked and yes I did baby girl , guessing papa even counted them this time “

Mickey pulled Ian into his arms and traced his face with his thumb, the lines in the scowl now gone. His voice was warm but with a hint of almost stern .

“ c’mon tough guy, let’s get these two to the hotel , take a nap before the whole hoard terrorizes the waitstaff for Gallagher Family dinner .”

“ But … Mick I haven’t finished sorting Lily’s stuff “

” Daddy I will finish it , you can check it in the morning.Go nap with papa he looks tired and he is insufferable when cranky.“ She winked at her papa who mouthed “ thank you “

She was pulled in tight and heard a sniffle. Uncle Lip put his hand on his shoulder.

” Ian point out the RA Mickey almost decked “ He walked them out .

” He is gonna crash isn’t he papa, I fucking hate bipolar disease so much “

Two pairs of blue stared at each other . Mickey knelt down and cupped his daughter’s face . It was the tenderness and sadness in both their eyes that made both women choke up.

” I know. Lily I hate it too but Daddy has been living with this since you age. I have been keeping an eye on his sappy ass since I was 19. He hardly gets big episodes because we know what is a support med and what is a med change. The older we get the more this lessens. We know what this is , we know what to do. He is gonna bitch and fuss and I am gonna make him take his pill. We are gonna nap. Then everyone is gonna be loud and crazy and wear him out. He has an appointment Monday . Also punk we talked about this . He goes gown , you do not come home. That will stress him more, got it?”

” But papa..I “

” Nope , no . Lily Gazer we stick to the plans ok .”

He turned to Gracie and family a look of sadness and pride on his face. “ My husband has some mental health challenges with his illness but it’s managed well, big emotions good or bad can set him off level. “

” Pops , hey dad is with Lip looking for you.” In the door was a tall young black man who had very similar features as Ian. Mickey reached out for a hug as the man whispered.

”Hi Pops , hey you get dad, I got Lily “

Mickey patted the young man’s cheek then hugged his daughter , wiping a tear.

As he walked out he looked at Gracie’s moms.

“ Aye we live in Chicago , I know you all from Maine. Lily comes home on long weekends, Gracie comes with. Family watches family .”

Liam smiled at Lily.

” Hey baby sis, dads gonna be ok , pops got him . Hey I am Liam by the way.” He shook hands all around.

” Lily there is the ice cream social on the quad. Gracie wanna join , will spill the tea on the first year Econ professors.”

Sue looked at their daughter

” Take off we have to go pay for meal plan , text us when you are done we can then get our reservations for dinner .”

As they headed out Lily hugged them both “ Thanks for not freaking out, my family can be a lot.”

The women watched as the young adults headed off laughing and pushing each other with ease.

Angie smiled “ Babe is it me or do you feel better the Gallagher’s have Gracie in their sights?”

Her wife grinned “ Yeah 1000% better. They are gonna keep her safe and loved while she is away from us.”

[althaiareads]

the memories of your daughter you took home were what kept you from losing your sanity, but they were nothing compared to what you actually wanted, which was to be her mother.

I am sobbing so hard right now. Motherhood is complicated, I know it's not only about blood, but damn.

Adding a cut <3

“Nope. She refuses to let me anywhere near her with a pair of shears. As soon as she sees them in my hand, she runs,”

Pls. She's so funny. I think she might get her stubbornness from her father (Bill or Joel, or both idk).

He was your partner and he was your protector, he was your shoulder to lean on and the glue that, despite the circumstances, held everything together somehow.

He kept it all from crumbling down. For you, always for you.

I-

Poor baby, he doesn't need to hide his emotions for her sake. It will all bottle up and won't end well. Communication, people.

“Gracie!” Bill said her name in a scolding tone.

GRACIE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME. Gracie, as in grace, but also means thanks in Spanish. I am in love with her name. It suits her so so well.

Joel’s heart had all but leapt up into his throat. His fingers trembled ever so slightly as he lifted a hand and accepted it. When he spoke, he sounded almost breathless. “Thank you.”

She gave him a flower. I am sobbing.

Startled by the loud noise, Gracie let out a small yelp and found herself in between Joel’s legs, tugging desperately at his denim shirt. Before his mind and body could even make the connection, he picked her up and hoisted her into his lap and she buried her face into the crook of his neck, a small whimper escaping her.

Look at them, he's such a dad. There's a parental instinct that doesn't go away. There's a quote that says something like “being a parent doesn't stop ever, not even once you've lost your child”. It is so true imo. He lost Sarah, but he's still her dad, and now Gracie's.

“More flowers,” he whispered to her, giving her a small grin.

He's such a dad.

Gracie stood there at the door of the bedroom, which the two of you had left open.

Oh, fuck. Oopsie doopsie.

“Yeah, and probably parrot at this age,” You pointed out. “Please, just mind your mouth around her? We don’t need her picking up your rich vocabulary.”

Joel Miller's kids get the mouth of a sailor, lmao. I'm sorry, love, but there's nothing you can do.

“Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere.” By the time Joel read the last sentence, her eyes had fluttered closed.

This is so cute. It also breaks my heart, the fact that Gracie can't be with parents because the world is so fucked up, I'm going to cry.

“That book was the first book that I ever read to Sarah when she was a little girl.”

“We were right. This ain’t enough,” he admitted. “And every time that we leave here without her, it hurts just as much as it did on day one.”

Oof, okay. This one hurt quite a lot.

The fact that she's so trustful of both of them even when she doesn't know they're her parents? The heartbreak every time they have to leave her again? Seeing her call Frank and Bill her dads? I am so sad for them. It hurts so much.

This is amazing.

loved her first (joel miller x female reader)

to do the right thing

summary: It's been two and a half years since you and Joel left your baby daughter in Bill and Frank's care; when a surprise thunderstorm strands the two of you in Lincoln for the night, you unexpectedly witness Joel bond with her.

pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

warnings/tags 🏷️ hints at Frank's deteriorating health condition, but he is not bound to a wheelchair quite yet; glimpses of girldad!Joel, babygirl name reveal, moments of angst, mention of Sarah. time jump to 2023, takes place a few months prior to Ellie coming into their lives. though age isn't mentioned in this fic, there's an age gap that was mentioned in part one of the series so due to time jump, reader is now in her late twenties to early thirties, Joel is mid fifties, approaching canon age.

word count 5.5k

a/n📝 um...this turned out to be more angsty than planned. also, it is currently 3 am and i have to be at work in like 4 hours sooo...i am kind of delirious at this point. i really hope this isn't a let down i'm kind of nervous about it but i did enjoy writing it! this is not meant to be read as a stand alone, i linked the series above if you want to check it out because reading this without being familiar with the series will be kind of confusing.

April, 2023

You watched her as she twirled around in front of the flower bushes, a small smile tugging lightly at the corners of your mouth.

Frank had mentioned before that she absolutely adored flowers; he’d also told you about how she loved being outdoors and how she would gladly, happily, abandon all of her dolls and other toys in exchange for frolicking outside. You’d had a difficult time believing him on that, but there you were, sitting just a few feet away, witnessing first hand with your very own eyes that it was actually true. She seemed to be having the time of her life spinning around and around in front of the array of colorful roses, petunias, and begonias that Bill and Frank had planted around the house right after the winter season had come and gone. It was so incredibly innocent, so endearingly pure, a beautiful sight that you already knew you would be constantly replaying on a loop in your memory for the rest of your life—memories of her were all you had. It wasn’t enough for you, though, not even fucking close; the memories of your daughter you took home were what kept you from losing your sanity, but they were nothing compared to what you actually wanted, which was to be her mother.

Because you were her mother.

You held back a small sigh, your gaze still locked on every part of her.

She wore the sweetest, springtime dress that surely must have come from the boutique—light sky blue with an intricate eyelet embroidery, a sash made from the same exact fabric tied around her waist into an adorably perfect bow at the back of it. A pair of darling, strappy white ballet flats adorned her tiny feet, and although Frank had put her into a soft, knitted white cardigan to help keep her warm against a sudden and unexpected chilly afternoon breeze that swept through the town, the child had sneakily shrugged herself out of it when she noticed he wasn’t paying attention. Noticing the dark, gloomy clouds that began to slowly but surely make their way over the neighborhood, you stood up from the table and walked over to the spot on the front lawn, right beside the porch, where she had discarded her cardigan.

Picking it up, you lightly dusted it off and made sure it was clean. You then called out to her, gently. “Hey.” You smiled as she stopped in her tracks mid-spin, looking over at you with curiosity. You beckoned her over with your hand. “Come here, sweet girl.”

She skipped over to you, and you instinctively lowered yourself to her eye level as you spoke to her.

“The sun is gone.” You pointed up towards the skies. “That means it’s time for you to put this on so you don’t get cold. Okay?”

She wrinkled her little nose, but agreed, “Okay.” She held her arms up and out to you, as if to tell you to put it on for her.

You helped her back into it, though you left it unbuttoned so as not to cover up her pretty dress. “There we go. Don’t take it off again, okay? At least not while we’re outside.” You noticed a slight look of mischief cross her features and playfully pointed your index finger at her. “I am being so serious, young lady. Promise me that you won’t take it off?”

“I won’t,” she swore. Though she spoke fairly clearly now, she still had hints of toddler pronunciation; she could enunciate several words but she was still learning to properly talk. “Promise I won’t take it off.”

You reached out, briefly touching her soft cheek. “That’s a good girl,” You murmured, letting your thumb sweet across her satin skin. Every single part of you longed for even more contact with her, you yearned with every fucking fiber in your entire being to take her into your arms and hold her close; however, there was a very fine line that was not to be crossed, much less when Bill and Frank were sitting just a few feet away. You gave her cheek a light, teasing pinch and finally found it in you to withdraw your hand away from her face.

She grinned at you and a deep, prominent dimple appeared in her left cheek. You’d first noticed it during your visit on her first birthday.

There had always been something new for you to notice during each visit; a new tooth, an additional inch to her height, the way her face was no longer as round and pudgy as it had been when she was an infant. This time around, it was her hair that had caught your attention. It fell in long, dark brown waves to just about the middle of her back.

Her voice broke into your train of thought. “Can I go play now?”

You nodded and rose to your feet. “Of course, sweet girl. Just be very careful, alright?”

“I will.” She bobbed her head up and down at you and then went right back to her twirling, letting out an adorable giggle at the way the skirt of her dress swayed along with her movement.

You made your way back over to the table and took your seat. Picking up your glass of red wine, you took a quick sip before glancing over at Frank and remarking, “Her hair’s gotten really long.” You took another sip and then set your glass down, abandoning it in favor of the white pearl that hung from the silver chain around your neck. Holding it gingerly in your hand, you thought back to the day Joel had given it to you a little over two years ago. Presenting you with your daughter’s birthstone to carry with you had to have been one of the most loving, incredible things that he’d ever done for you. It was your most prized and cherished possession and although he didn’t like you wearing it outside of the apartment, it’d been a year since the last time you had taken it off. Anyone who tried to jump you for it would get a blade lodged into their skull. “Has she had her first haircut yet?”

“Nope. She refuses to let me anywhere near her with a pair of shears. As soon as she sees them in my hand, she runs,” Frank explained. He offered you a small, fatigued smile. He’d briefly mentioned to you the night before he hadn’t been feeling all too well over the last few days, but he still insisted that you and Joel still make the trip to Lincoln for lunch. “She calls it her princess hair—she said she wants to grow it as long as Rapunzel’s.”

You hummed. “Long hair suits her,” You told him after a minute. “Doesn’t it, Joel?”

You were met with no response and turned to glance at Joel.

He sat beside you at the table, sipping silently on his glass of wine; he hadn’t seemed to have heard you, and for once, it wasn’t because the hearing in his right ear was failing him. Joel hadn’t heard you because he was too distracted. His eyes were fixed intently on the toddler, and even when you reached out and touched his arm in an attempt to get his attention, his gaze remained latched onto her. He looked on with a mixture of different, conflicting emotions—of them all, it was sadness that took center stage. Joel often tried to keep his own feelings under wraps, for your sake, more than anything. He was your partner and he was your protector, he was your shoulder to lean on and the glue that, despite the circumstances, held everything together somehow.

He kept it all from crumbling down. For you, always for you.

You appreciated Joel trying to hold strong for you, but you wished he wouldn’t, not when you knew he was hurting too—hurting over Sarah and hurting over the daughter that was right there in front of him, but whose life he was missing out on. She was growing quickly, changing so fucking much each and every time he saw her, and he could hardly stand that he wasn’t around to witness it. Glimpses of her and her life were all that you and Joel were given, and you know that killed him as much as it killed you.

“Gracie!” Bill said her name in a scolding tone. He’d been sitting in his chair with his back to her, but he knew exactly what she was up to; he had developed something of a sixth sense when it came to her. “You just had lunch, you’re going to make yourself sick if you don’t cut that out! You’d better come and sit your little butt down right now or it’s a timeout for you, missy!”

She stopped for a second, smirked at his back, and then continued to twirl around.

Joel snorted into his wine, amused by her rebelliousness.

“Honey, come on. Be good and listen to daddy.” Frank glanced tiredly over his shoulder. “You don’t want to make yourself dizzy, do you?”

Gracie stopped and let out a teeny, frustrated huff; just seconds later, a white butterfly garnered her attention and she took off across the front lawn, chasing after it.

“Jesus,” Joel muttered, shaking his head. He set his wine glass down on the table and leaned back into his chair. “Does she ever get tired? I’m exhausted just from watchin’ her run around.”

“She’s been so energetic lately,” Frank said. He picked up his fork and pushed his vegetables around on his plate; you’d noticed that he had hardly eaten any of his meal. “Sometimes we can hardly keep up with her. But the bright side of letting her run around is that when bedtime comes around, she’s just about all tuckered out. Isn’t she, Bill?”

Bill scoffed. “If we’re lucky. The kid’s like the damn Energizer Bunny.”

You giggled. Looking over at Gracie, you noticed that she was in one of the bushes and your smile faded slightly. “Oh, um, she’s—” You stopped and simply nodded your head over in her direction, worried that she would get into the roses and accidentally prick herself with a thorn. 

Bill looked over his shoulder. He sighed, “She’s digging in the flowers again, Frank.”

“Oh Gracie, honey please don’t pick the flowers—”

But it was too late.

She stepped back from the bush, clutching a tiny handful of Frank’s beloved white begonias. She then ran over to her parents; she first handed a flower to Frank and then one to Bill, who, despite trying his best to keep a stern face, cracked the tiniest of smiles as he accepted it from her.

“It’s so hard to put her in time out when she does things like this,” Frank chuckled, shaking his head. He smoothed her hair back from her face, lovingly tucking it behind her ear. “You’re just the most innocent little troublemaker, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Gracie gave him a tiny nod, and he let his hand drop from her hair as she turned around and walked around the table towards you. Falling into step beside your chair, she held up a flower for you.

Your entire body radiated with a pleasant warmth as you took it from her. Taking the side of her face into the palm of your hand, you leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’m going to keep this forever and ever.” And you would. You planned on pressing it into a book the moment you arrived back in the QZ.

She smiled at you and then she let her gaze flicker curiously over to Joel. You could see her debating it over in her mind—besides the polite little hello that Frank would push her to say whenever you two came over, Gracie rarely ever interacted with him. She wasn’t afraid of him, but even at the tender age of two, she could sense the man’s quiet and serious nature and she knew to keep her distance. It was something of an unspoken, mutual agreement between the two of them; Joel always kept his distance from her too.

After a minute, she finally plucked up some courage and squeezed past you. She went up to the side of Joel’s chair and placed her tiny hand on his bare forearm, giving it a gentle pat as if to call for his attention.

You could almost feel the way he momentarily froze, stiffening beneath her touch. 

“Gracie, don’t—” Bill started to say, however Frank held a hand up to stop him.

“Wait, Bill,” he said, quietly. “Let her.”

“Here,” Gracie uttered softly, holding out the last begonia to him.  

Joel’s heart had all but leapt up into his throat. His fingers trembled ever so slightly as he lifted a hand and accepted it. When he spoke, he sounded almost breathless. “Thank you.”

“It’s pretty,” she told him, shyly nodding at the flower now in his hand.

“Very pretty,” he agreed. He paused briefly, then touched it to the tip of it to her nose. “Just like you.”

Gracie beamed at him.

Just like you and your momma, he wanted to tell her. Of course, he knew better than to say such a thing out loud in front of Bill and Frank.

“Gracie, honey, what do you say when someone says something nice to you?” Frank prompted her from across the table.

She looked at him, then bashfully turned back to Joel. “Thank you.”

Before anyone could say anything else, a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, and seconds later came the crashing sound of thunder.

Startled by the loud noise, Gracie let out a small yelp and found herself in between Joel’s legs, tugging desperately at his denim shirt. Before his mind and body could even make the connection, he picked her up and hoisted her into his lap and she buried her face into the crook of his neck, a small whimper escaping her.

Bill and Frank exchanged a look of complete shock with one another.

Even you watched on with your lips parted in absolute bewilderment.

You’d only ever seen her in his arms once—when she’d been a newborn.

“It’s alright darlin’,” Joel soothed her, lightly patting her back. “It’s nothin’ but a little bit of thunder. It’s tellin’ us that the rain is comin’ soon, and you know what that means?”

Reluctantly, Gracie pulled her face out of his neck and looked up at him with her dark brown eyes—the very same dark brown eyes she’d inherited from him. “What?”

“More flowers,” he whispered to her, giving her a small grin.

“Really?” she squeaked excitedly.

“Oh, speaking of the rain, here come those April showers.” Frank held out his hand, having felt the first drop. Before he could even utter the warning for everyone to move inside, it suddenly began to pour; the rain came down hard and fast, as if someone up in the clouds had turned on a garden hose. “Everyone in the house!”

Bill helped him out of his chair, slipping an arm around his back. You noticed him struggle alone to help Frank and quickly hurried around the table, taking his other arm, and the both of you helped him up the lawn towards the house.

Joel stood up with Gracie still in his arms; he hurried towards the house behind the rest of you, using his hand to shield her from the rain as best as he could manage, though she ended up getting soaked, just like everyone else.

Once inside, he set her down on her feet. Another round of thunder struck, rattling the walls of the house. 

Gasping, Gracie threw her arms around Joel’s leg.

Bill raised an eyebrow, pushing his drenched hair away from his face. “I’ve never seen her get this close to you before.”

“She’s just spooked, that’s all.” Joel cleared his throat awkwardly and reached down, carefully peeling her off of him. He placed his hand on her back and gently nudged her towards him. “Go to daddy.”

“Well, that’s a nice lunch ruined,” Frank sighed, heavily. “Gracie, let’s get you upstairs and changed into dry clothes.” He reached down to pick her up, but struggled lifting her into his arms, a problem that you had never seen him have before; a bizarre expression crossed his face and he turned to Bill. “Help me carry her upstairs to her room?”

Bill nodded, picking her up. “Come on, kiddo.”

Crestfallen, Frank watched him as he carried her up the staircase.

“Frank? Are you okay?” You couldn’t help but ask, placing a hand on his arm.

He nodded, forcing a small smile. “I’m fine. I think I just need some rest.” He noticed the skeptical expression on your face and before you could ask him again, he changed the subject. “You two are more than welcome to stay and wait for the storm to pass before heading out.”

Several hours later, and the torrential downpour continued on with no signs of stopping any time soon. 

“We’ll be fine,” You assured Frank as you began looking in your pack for your windbreaker. You found it in the top zipper, and pulled it out; although it would hardly do anything to shield you from the cold and heavy rainfall, it would have to do. “Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been out and about in a storm like this.”

“Nonsense,” he said, taking the jacket out of your hands. After taking a long nap earlier that evening, he appeared to be in better spirits. He still appeared tired, but he seemed to be moving around with more ease, an indication that he had gained a bit of his strength back. “You two can spend the night down here in the guest bedroom.”

“That’s very kind, Frank. But Bill wouldn’t like that.”

“I already talked him into it. He’s not too happy, but as usual, he’ll get over it.” Frank saw you about to protest and he held up a hand. “Can you just make this easy and graciously accept the offer please?”

You chuckled. You had known him for a few years now and you knew the man was as stubborn as stubborn could be. “Alright, alright. We’ll stay the night.”

“Good.” Frank smiled and handed you your jacket back. “The guest bedroom is down the hall, second door on the left. Make yourselves right at home. If you need anything, just let me know, alright?”

Joel nodded, taking your hand in his. “We appreciate this a whole lot, Frank. Thank you.”

“Of course. You two get some sleep, alright?” He bid the two of you a final goodnight before disappearing upstairs.

With your hand still in his, Joel led the way down the hallway towards the bedroom. He opened the door and flipped on the lights; the room was on the smaller side, but it was still decently spacious, at least for you it was, especially when compared it to the tiny bedroom you and Joel shared with Tess in the QZ. Frank had furnished it with gorgeous antique furniture that you were almost certain he’d refurbished on his own. What really caught your eye, however, was the bed in the middle of the room; it was a large, queen sized bed decorated with a soft, red and gold duvet and matching pillows.

“I’m so used to that old, ripped mattress we have back at home,” You remarked with a small laugh.

Joel squeezed your hand. He was thrilled to have the chance to sleep in such a comfortable looking bed, but more importantly, he found a sense of relief that for the first time in a long time, you would be able to lay in clean sheets and rest your head on a soft pillow. “Looks like we’ll both be gettin’ a good night’s sleep for once.”

Grinning, you tilted your head up towards his, your lips meeting his in a kiss. “Guess being stormed in has its perks,” You murmured against his mouth. You dropped his hand and stepped away from him, pulling your pack off your shoulders and placing it onto the bed. Unzipping it at the top, you opened it up and started rummaging around inside of it, hoping that you had a spare t-shirt that you could sleep in. As Joel started doing the same, you couldn’t help but remark, “Gracie seems to have taken a sudden liking to you.”

He quickly shook his head. “I don’t think so—”

“Joel, she gave you a flower.”

“She gave everyone a flower,” he reminded you. “Not just me.”

“What about the way she just jumped into your arms?”

He scoffed. “The thunder startled her and I was sitting closest to her. She would have jumped into the fuckin’ Boogeyman’s arms if he had been closest to her.”

You rolled your eyes at his ridiculousness. “Okay, what about the fact that she wanted to sit next to you at the dinner table tonight? Or how she decided to introduce you to all of her dolls one by one?”

Joel paused from digging into his pack, his jaw clenching slightly as he mulled over his thoughts in hid mind. “Do you think Gracie senses somethin’ about me?” he asked you quietly after a minute or two of silence.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Why are you asking me that? Do you think she senses something about you?”

“I’d sure as hell hope not. Wouldn’t make Bill and Frank too happy. In fact, it would move me even higher up Bill’s shit list. I can tell that he wasn’t all too happy with the way she was clingin’ to me earlier.” Joel sighed and finally looked up, turning to you. “She looks so much like us, you know. The older she gets, the more I can actually see it. She’s equal parts you, equal parts me. Makes me worry about her noticin’ it someday.”

“Joel, she’s a toddler for Christ’s sake. It’ll be years before that could even happen. And sure she looks a lot like us now, but as children get older their features start to change and—” You stopped, realizing Joel had stopped listening to you.

His eyes were fixed on something over your shoulder, his lips parted slightly.

“Joel, what are you—?” You turned around.

Gracie stood there at the door of the bedroom, which the two of you had left open. She was barefoot, wearing a light pink nightdress; she held her hands behind her back as she simply looked at you and Joel.

“Gracie? Sweetheart, what are you doing out of bed? How on earth did you get down here all by yourself?” Your heart squeezed in your chest when you realized that she could have easily fallen down the stairs and gotten hurt.

“Think she’s got somethin’ there, baby,” Joel noticed. He walked over to her and lowered himself down to one knee in front of her. Although he was sure Bill wouldn’t be dumb enough to leave one of his guns or other weapons lying around unsecured, part of him couldn’t help but worry about what she had in her hands. He held out his hand. “Can I see what you’ve got there, little darlin’?”

She nodded, almost eagerly, and showed him the object she’d been holding behind her back—a children’s book.

You let out a small breath of relief. “Oh thank god.”

Joel took it from her. “Goodnight, Moon,” he read the cover out loud, feeling his heart sink deep into the pits of his stomach. Looking over his shoulder at you, he let out a sharp exhale, as if some unseen force had just knocked all the wind out of his lungs.

Concerned, you placed a hand on his shoulder. “Joel? Are you okay?”

Though clearly he wasn’t, he nodded and turned back to Gracie.

“Read me the story?” she asked him shyly, shuffling from foot to foot.

“Frank already read her a bedtime story,” You explained to him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “He said he only allows her one a night.”

“Well, that’s a stupid fuckin’ rule,” Joel muttered, though he had been loud enough for you to hear.

“Joel!” You snapped, swatting at him with your other hand. “Don’t say that word in front of her!”

Joel almost laughed. “She’s two and a half years old.”

“Yeah, and probably parrot at this age,” You pointed out. “Please, just mind your mouth around her? We don’t need her picking up your rich vocabulary.”

“Bedtime story? Please?” Gracie chirped hopefully, interrupting the two of you.

Joel let out a small scoff. “You expect me to say no to that sweet little face? Not a chance.” He turned back to her. “Alright, I’ll read it to you. But you have to promise me you’ll go to sleep right after. Promise?”

She nodded excitedly. “Promise!”

Your stomach churned. “Joel, are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want Bill and Frank getting upset with us—”

“It’s just a bedtime story,” he said. Holding the book in one hand, he rose to his feet and then scooped her up into his arms. He walked out of the bedroom and started up the staircase with you following close behind. As soon as he reached the top of the stairs, he asked, “Which one’s hers?” 

You hesitated before answering, “Second door on the right. Joel, I’m not sure about this.”

“You act like we’re committin’ a fuckin’ crime.”

“First of all stop cursing around her and secondly, we may as well be committing a crime!” You hissed, lowering your voice. “I don’t want to break any boundaries. If Bill gets pissed enough, he could potentially never let us see her again!”

Joel shook his head. “Baby, for the last time, it’s just a fuck—it’s just bedtime story,” he quickly caught himself before another curse word could escape him. “Can you just relax? We ain’t doin’ anythin’ wrong.”

You’d never seen this side of Joel before. Usually, it was him trying to be the voice of reason, it had always been Joel telling you to use your common sense and make the right decisions, and here he was, being so stupidly stubborn.

He opened the door to Gracie’s bedroom and flipped on the lights. It looked like any ordinary little girl’s bedroom—a canopy bed, matching white furniture, a corner strewn with all kinds of toys and a bookshelf packed to the brim with fairytales in another. What surprised you was how the plain white walls had been brought to life with hand painted, large scale wildflowers that surely had to have been done by Frank.

“Daddy’s flowers,” she said, pointing her finger.

“He paints the prettiest flowers, doesn’t he?” You prompted her.

She nodded her head. “Mhm.”

“C’mon.” Joel walked over towards her bed, perching her on his hip as he reached out with his free hand to pull her covers back; he then gingerly laid her down and pulled them up to her chest, tucking her in. “You warm enough, babygirl?”

Gracie nodded. “Yes.” Her eyes suddenly widened. “Teddy!”

“Teddy?” Confused, he furrowed an eyebrow and then glanced down at the stuffed brown teddy bear beside his boot. “Oh, Teddy. How did he get down here, darlin’? He’s supposed to be up here with you.” He picked the bear up, placing it right beside her. “That’s better.”

Anxiously, you dropped down into the white wicker chair beside her bed as Joel kneeled on the opposite side. His dark eyes glazed over the book in his hand, and even from where you sat, you could see the sadness flash across his face, subtle, but detectable. Before you could ask him what was wrong, he opened it and thumbed to the first page. Clearing his throat, he began reading to her. “In the great green room, there was a telephone. And a red balloon. And a picture of a cow jumpin’ over the moon…”

Gracie lingered on every word, her big doe eyes wide with fascination in the most endearing way.

You finally managed to relax and leaned back into the chair, watching the scene before you with a delicate smile on your face. Your hand instinctively went to your necklace, and you rolled the pearl between your thumb and your index finger as you drank in the sight of Joel reading to your daughter.

His daughter.

“Goodnight moon, goodnight cow jumpin’ over the moon…”

Gracie yawned and began blinking furiously.

You could tell she was trying her hardest to stay awake to the very end, but Joel’s deep voice was effortlessly lulling her to sleep. 

“Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere.” By the time Joel read the last sentence, her eyes had fluttered closed.

“And she’s out.” You lowered your voice so you wouldn’t wake her.

Joel closed the book and placed it on her nightstand. He stared at her and reached out, lightly touching his index finger to her cheek. “If you would’ve asked me two and a half years ago if I thought I’d be tuckin’ her into bed and readin’ her a bedtime story someday, I’d say you’d lost your damn fuckin’ mind.”

You laughed softly and nodded. “Oh, I know.”

“You think she’s happy here?”

Your smile faded slightly. “Of course she’s happy here. Wearing pretty dresses, picking flowers, chasing butterflies across the front yard...”

“Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question,” Joel muttered, rising to his feet.

You stood up from the chair and walked over to him. “Bill and Frank are doing a great job at raising her under the circumstances. She’s happy, she’s healthy—and they love her so much, Joel.”

“Too bad she’ll never know that we loved her first,” he murmured.

“We did love her first.” You reached for one of his hands and took it in your own, lacing your fingers together with his. “But this is the way things have to be and we both know that.”

Joel let out a hesitant sigh. “That book she brought me to read to her,” he started to say, his voice breaking slightly, “That book was the first book that I ever read to Sarah when she was a little girl.”

You squeezed his hand tightly, your heart aching for him. “Joel...” You stopped and swallowed the thick, emotional lump that had risen in your throat. You said nothing else and reached up with your opposite hand, cradling his cheek in your palm.

“She was two years old, just like Gracie is now.” His voice wavered again and it was taking every ounce of strength he had inside of him not to crumble in front of you. He placed his hand over yours on his face. “You know that dimple in her left cheek?”

You simply nodded.

“Sarah had that exact same dimple,” Joel whispered. “Same side, same place too. And the way Gracie acts, she reminds me so much of her when she was that age. The way she smiles, the way she giggles, it all reminds me of Sarah.”

It almost shocked you, the way Joel was mentioning Sarah—the last time he had talked about her was that night in the apartment almost three years ago, when you had brought her up during an argument and it had only added fuel to the fire. You remembered being heavily pregnant with Gracie then, and Joel had confessed that he would probably never be ready to talk to you about the daughter that he’d lost. To hear him even utter her name to you again came completely out of left field.

“Maybe your sweet little butterfly sent you something to remember her by,” You told him, nodding over at the sleeping child. 

Joel closed his eyes for a moment, tilting his head further into the palm of your hand. After a while, he finally opened them again and broke the silence. “Do you remember the day we left her here?”

“How can I not? It was hardest day of my entire fucking life.”

“You said that comin’ to see her, it wouldn’t be enough. That it would never be enough.” He paused, remembering, “I said it would never be enough for me either.”

“And?”

“We were right. This ain’t enough,” he admitted. “And every time that we leave here without her, it hurts just as much as it did on day one.”

“I know. Trust me, I know.” You blinked back the warm tears that had sprung to your eyes.

After spending a while watching Gracie as she slept, you and Joel decided it was time to head downstairs back to the guest bedroom to try and get some rest. Each of you took a turn to kiss her goodnight before shutting off the lights and quietly slipping out of her bedroom, closing the door behind you.

tdtr taglist;

@damnzelsoul @eonnyx @experiencebeinanemricanwh0re @angstylittlepascal @v4mpyk1tten @pandcbarnes @moonshine147 @holy-minseok @hummusxx @lowkeyquinn @mac5323 @or-it-was-just-a-dream @kyuupidwrites @happinessinthebeing @onlyrealjoy @faith-alons26 @natalia42069 @ohthemisssery @faceache111 @bluestar22x @cassrox @abbiesxox @floralsightings @leilanixx @bbygirl77 @mere-bear @daddy-din @the-nerd-dimension @lizlil @flightlexsbird @nxstalgicnxbxdy @marjoherbo @florenceivy @shqwqrma @mylostloversbookmarks @kaitieskidmore1 @naiomiwinchester @violetwitchmcu @theloveoftoms @andyrazzledazzle @surazim @ahoyyharrington @snixx2088 @thelightnessofthebeing @girlofchaos @phoenixssugarbaby @marihoneywk @lover1307 @jasminedragoon @whorunstheworldgirls  @dorothleah @httpjiikook @ayumi-wolf-ishtar-wolf-duel-blog

joel taglist;

@fleursirvart @dazedshoon @meshlasolus @remusbunnies @avengersfan25 @isuspectitwasthenargles @redangelrosie tpwkweasley7 @sicklscream @domaniquessidehoe @ashisonthedancefloororsomething @rickysgrimes @littlelou22 @pixhollow

@netflix-imagines @sia2raw @user294829329 @holb32 @blossom862

[punkscowardschampions]

JC pt.4

Casey: except the fat one, she’d pass for 58 

Janis: Where have you seen them lately?

Janis: I’ve not in years

Casey: you’ve not been out in years, I don’t only work

Casey: see most dickheads ‘round

Janis: reminding me why I can’t be changing careers

Casey: reminding us why I’ve not told you there’s a new [insert type of restaurant here because irrelevant but clearly every bitch is going/has been to it] or [shop because again, and I can’t imagine these gals besides maybe Asia still hitting the clerbs at their big age which is why he’s not saying he’s seen them as punters]

Janis: you’re so metropolitan 

Casey: what like them lads who reckon they ain’t gay but act it, booking in with Gracie to get their nails done 

Janis: as much as it’d pain your dad to have anything in common with me

Janis: slight gay-bashing is necessary sometimes

Casey: you’ve your decent intentions in common, shame his execution were piss poor

Janis: one way to look at it

Casey: it’s how I do

Janis: yeah, I know

Casey: you’ve helped raise 1 lad and he’s probably building a pipe bomb at the minute, he had 3

Janis: I didn’t help raise anybody, the damage was already done

Casey: yeah you did, could’ve been undone how young he was

Janis: no, he still had your dad around, I’m no one’s mother

Casey: when it suited you to play mummy and daddies, exactly what you was, I were ‘round for it too

Janis: No I never, don’t act like his toes were around to be stepped upon, he let Jimmy take over with that kid, gladly

Casey: don’t act like you wasn’t there, more like

Casey: you had your hand in

Janis: for fuck’s sake

Casey: no shit you’d rather not claim no responsibility now

Janis: I never wanted responsibility 

Casey: and as I started this convo off by saying, it weren’t yours to take, but you did or he put it on you and you never stopped him

Janis: we’re going in circles then

Casey: and what for

Janis: my point

Casey: you stopped making ‘em about when you started 🙄 but alright

Janis: I’m not forcing you to talk to me

Casey: nor am I you, no need to make us feel like I am

Janis: you’re the one having a go at me, I don’t know why

Casey: if I was you’d know about it and why

Janis: it’s not comparable 

Casey: what

Janis: your dad as a grown man having kids and me being around for a bit when your brother was

Casey: comparison would do your head in, you mean

Casey: imagine how I feel

Janis: I’ve never compared you

Casey: I’m not putting it out there you have, nor were I seriously making one between my dad and you

Janis: I know what you were saying

Casey: I’m only saying he’s not all bad, what I’ve always said

Janis: yeah

Casey: don’t yeah me like that

Janis: I mean, alright then 

Janis: because I don’t know what else I’m meant to say

Casey: fuck’s sake

Janis: it’s too late for this

Janis: what are we trying to achieve

Casey: I was defending my dad, dunno what you’re trying to do, girl

Janis: Good for you then

Casey: what are you bringing me this attitude for

Janis: I wasn’t even saying anything about your dad

Janis: and you’ve pointed out all my blame for your brother, what sort of mood did you think I’d be in after that

Casey: weren’t even what wound us up, nah

Janis: go on

Casey: I don’t want to, that’s the point

Casey: why’d you have to bring up Grace’s bloody mates for

Janis: what’s that got to do with literally anything?

Casey: you wouldn’t know ‘cause I’ve not told you

Janis: talking in riddles is only going to make this even more frustrating

Casey: something happened when I wanted you to notice it but you never and if I don’t bring it up now you’ll reckon that means something different

Janis: with one of them?

Janis: you don’t have to tell me anything, not my business

Casey: weren’t your sister, I wouldn’t and wasn’t old enough she would

Janis: I’d know, whether she confessed when she was pissed or tried to gloat about it, depending how much of a mess she was at the time

Casey: sounds about right

Janis: Hardly takes a genius to work it out so don’t trouble yourself

Casey: but I am or I’d not have had a go at you

Janis: why?

Casey: ‘cause I did it so you’d care and you didn’t

Janis: I didn’t know about it, you didn’t tell me, like you said

Casey: she were meant to, 1 of them was, but she’s too thick to

Janis: we were surely out of school by then, bothering me long since lost its appeal

Casey: she’d been more bothered when she thought I was him, yeah

Casey: not only her next door at it

Janis: that’s grim, I’m sorry

Casey: like I said, reckoned I’d at least get something out of it

Casey: other than messages still when she’s had a few

Janis: when was this

Casey: [tell her, I won’t commit us in case we wanna go back to that era and do something around this ever, also ngl I can’t remember when we OG said and I’d have to go try and find it which would be ridiculous]

Janis: Not surprised of her

Casey: half’ll have been sent to his inbox, I’d put money on her not being no better at telling us apart, got off light

Janis: I’d know about that an’ all

Janis: he’s not the affair sort either

Casey: he’d not respond, just delete ‘em same as I’ve done

Janis: he’d still tell me

Casey: big talker that he is

Janis: you know it’s true

Casey: you’d know best, ain’t what matters to me

Janis: I’m allowed to care

Casey: yeah but there’s nowt to trouble yourself with

Janis: that’d be nice if true

Casey: it is

Janis: about this insignificant thing, maybe

Janis: everything is still fucked

Casey: I know that, I fucked it

Janis: Hardly

Casey: I’ve done enough I can write it with a straight face

Janis: forget it

Casey: how

Janis: I don’t know 

Casey: why type it then

Janis: because I can’t be in here when you get back

Casey: you don’t want to, no more’s stopping you than were rest of the night

Janis: you get back at [whatever early AM] and he wakes up at [another early but later AM obviously] 

Casey: [however many hours that is because she clearly needs it spelt out how long they could spend together even if it’s not long]

Janis: it won’t be that long if we start rowing

Casey: alright, don’t start

Janis: ha ha

Casey: I’m being dead serious

Janis: You could’ve stopped ages ago

Casey: you know I can’t

Janis: so I have to do it for you?

Casey: fucked if that’s our answer ‘cause you can’t either

Janis: we’re fucked then

Casey: alright, yeah, just fucking walk out that’ll solve everything

Janis: We don’t need to solve everything right now, god

Casey: it’d solve sod all

Casey: you don’t need to piss off and leave me right now

Janis: I’m not leaving you

Casey: what would you call it

Janis: it’s called I’m not going anywhere so leave it out

Casey: you’re going to him and he won’t even know you’re there

Janis: I’m not

Casey: the sofa wouldn’t make us feel no better

Janis: Listen to me, would you

Janis: I’ll stay

Casey: nah, not when you don’t want to, I ain’t him

Janis: For Christ sake, I do want to

Janis: I can’t go because when I said we’re fucked I could only feel pleased about being alike, truly

Casey: don’t give me a fucking aneurysm of my own

Casey: being like my dad’s something I’ve outgrown being buzzing about

Janis: I didn’t mean to, I can admit to being all over the place though, a mess

Janis: we can fight, nothing bad is going to happen

Janis: just not in person right now, for obvious reasons but still

Casey: mine to clean up, I told you

Janis: you can just hold me tonight

Casey: I’ll do whatever you tell us to, not changed and never will

Janis: how could I do anything but love you

Casey: still love me then

Janis: of course I do, you idiot

Janis: are you more than drunk, you got yourself so twisted there

Casey: oi, I’m not even drunk

Janis: I dunno about not even but alright

Janis: it’s okay to be nervous

Casey: I’m even less nervous, dickhead

Janis: were being dead serious though

Casey: and what

Janis: you can tell me what you’re feeling, dickhead

Casey: I do

Janis: I never said I’d get it right first time

Casey: I don’t expect it, you don’t have to be perfect for me

Janis: but I want to

Casey: I want you even when you’re a mess

Janis: you deserve better

Casey: messier than you’ve ever let anybody else see you would be more than I deserve, don’t saint us neither

Janis: it’ll just feel like it

Casey: you’ll make me nervous now

Janis: cute as blushing

Casey: I just can’t stand it

Casey: who I’ve been and what I’ve done before tonight

Janis: If you want to tell me, the things you think I don’t know, you can

Janis: or we can say none of it ever happened, I swear

Casey: I reckon you’re a know it all obviously

Janis: because I care, and I cared

Janis: you know that, you didn’t need any plan

Casey: you couldn’t show it how I wanted, I thought that meant you didn’t

Janis: it’s understandable

Janis: I don’t hold you being a teenage boy against you

Casey: maybe I would’ve fucked your sister, I dunno

Janis: maybe

Janis: hypocritical of me to think anything of it, considering

Casey: you’d be over it and I’d keep on having nightmares, like

Janis: I’d never be over it but I can’t say shit

Janis: you win that one

Casey: I heard you, we can fight

Casey: and you heard me earlier, you can tell me anything

Janis: yeah but it’d be psycho bitch behaviour to bring up your past when mine was being with your brother

Casey: my type then

Janis: I’m better than your type

Casey: you’re just the best, don’t tell your out of control ego

Janis: best of a bad bunch is nothing to brag about

Janis: say I’m totally normal and lovely

Casey: best thing what could’ve ever happened or will happen to us

Janis: not will, so many good things could happen to you, you’re not old or dead yet

Casey: none are topping this if I live to be 190

Janis: you’re my favourite too

Casey: sorry I read you so wrong for seeing red

Casey: wish I could tell you it won’t happen again

Janis: I misread some shit too, there’s a lot to take in when we’re saying all the shit we never got to before

Casey: and none of it’s in person

Janis: I’ve never got it wrong in person

Janis: neither have you

Casey: barely read or write, be why, no need when you’re next to me

Janis: not been any need to get better at talking about my feelings

Casey: same, bit frowned upon for a 1 nighter and the only lass who’s after a repeat reckons I’m my brother

Casey: never mind she’s got teeth would break the glasses I’m yet to replace

Janis: be more use talking to a brick wall, literally

Casey: did keep on waiting for a knock off someone official, she’s so thick I could be on some register or banged up

Janis: You poor boy, how did you cope

Casey: [whatever drug you were on getting name dropped and however much you took]

Janis: that’ll do it

Casey: probably did talk to the wall instead

Janis: a shout

Janis: not about conversation anyway, lucky for her

Casey: had a big enough hole in it she might’ve been out of luck

Janis: stop bragging

Casey: I’m reminding you, can’t have you changing your mind

Janis: I threatened changing my mind and it wasn’t ever over that, tah very much

Casey: pick up [an object, in his room this time because don’t ever want her to leave it, which is the right size], tah very much

Janis: [a selfie where you’re sassily holding it like yes? But you know what so you’re not not blushing a bit, how could you not]

Casey: [a voice note where you totally unnecessarily tell her what to do in GRAPHIC detail because we ALL know but simply must in the most daddy voice possible]

Janis: You’re trying to kill me for revenge

Casey: just a reminder, you heard

Casey: and you’ve only gotta hack it for [however long until he’s back because obvs gotta keep this thing inside her until then]

Janis: 🥺

Casey: *making you feel better as a sorry

Casey: and don’t you

Janis: I feel like the only thing you have to be sorry about is not being here

Casey: I couldn’t be sorrier about it

Janis: me either

Janis: however this feels

Casey: but tell me

Janis: like I don’t know how I’m taking this

Casey: ‘cause you need to

Janis: because you told me to, in that voice

Casey: let me have you

Janis: no one else

Casey: it all happened but there’s nobody else and if I did it all again, the exact same or different over and over, never would be

Janis: I’m yours too

Janis: long before tonight

Casey: every breath I’ve taken after meeting you made it stop is ‘cause I’ve begged my heart not to since, whatever went on

Janis: you really should be a poet, fucking hell

Casey: I dunno about that

Janis: I do

Casey: haven’t you gone off vows yet

Janis: don’t take the piss

Janis: you who said the best thing I’ve ever heard maybe

Casey: I’m not, I’m only asking

Janis: should’ve been enough to put anyone off

Casey: but

Janis: don’t make me think about things like that when I’m this turned on

Casey: I wanna hear if you would

Janis: you know the answer

Casey: say you’d do the paperwork before I’ve even touched you though

Janis: of course I would

Janis: even if you were the only person who showed up, especially because you would be

Casey: best day of my life, even if my mum didn’t come

Janis: out of everyone, she does have the least reason to be bothered by it

Casey: 2 witnesses, your mum’d show, space for mine to

Janis: what else could you need

Casey: nothing

Janis: no [naming all the drugs he said he was on for JJ wedding day]

Casey: I won’t ever need ‘em no more, none

Casey: from here on

Janis: steady on

Janis: you don’t have to make promises that big, like

Casey: nowhere near as big as what I’d promise you given chance and time

Janis: imagine being together like that

Casey: I am, the pictures in my head are constant

Janis: bet on them being the same as the ones in mine

Casey: exact swap, we wouldn’t know we had

Janis: [tell him that you would marry him in a voice note because no other way to express your !!]

Casey: fuck

Casey: how many times can you renew them before you’re a dickhead, probably once at about 58 like her next door, ain’t it, but I don’t care

Casey: I’d marry you every time the day we met comes ‘round in the year

Janis: you’re too romantic, you deserve all the best days I could possibly give you

Casey: waking up and replaying you talking about it soon as my eyes open is gonna be a good shout at the best start

Janis: you’ll wake me up

Casey: I’ll try not to, you need to sleep 

Janis: but I want you to

Casey: I might want to watch you

Janis: oh

Janis: you can watch me but you need to sleep some time too

Casey: fair, no class As, Bs or Cs

Casey: be knackered, me

Janis: just me

Janis: so yeah, more knackered than you’ve ever been

Casey: you can fuck us even when I’m sleeping, it’s alright

Janis: alright ain’t the word

Casey: what is, go on

Janis: [a snippet of just NOISE]

Casey: [say her name back REALLY dramatically like okay agreed]

Janis: why should you ever not be inside me, that’s not what either of us wants

Casey: I don’t remember being nervous about it

Janis: what do you remember?

Casey: state my bed’s in and the kitchen counters

Janis: I knew you liked cleaning

Casey: I love you

Janis: I love you more

Casey: I don’t reckon vows are allowed to be a competition, even when you proper leave god out of it, we’re fucked again

Janis: who can stop us though

Casey: I’d not let no dickhead stop you, give a shit who they are

Janis: daddy

Janis: normal rules never applied

Casey: you can have all the princess treatment you pretend you don’t want, I’ll tell none of your sisters

Janis: I don’t even care who knows

Janis: needing to spend all my time with you is all I care about now

Casey: you’re my girl, sod wasting time anywhere else

Janis: you won’t be able to leave, I’m glueing you to me

Casey: we could leave like that, see if we get as far as no [the house across the street he mentioned]’s grass, make it more of a state

Janis: teamwork 

Janis: not our usual but you know we make a good one

Casey: yeah, from the off

Janis: I’d pick you

Casey: you know you’re mine

Janis: you have me without touching me

Casey: far as brags go, massive 

Casey: but I really fucking want to right now

Janis: I keep remembering that this is real, that I’m not asleep

Janis: You really know how I feel and you’re really going to come home and touch me how I’ve needed you to in so long

Casey: don’t fall asleep

Janis: you can wake me up, any way you see fit

Casey: I’d only see how fit you look dreaming about me

Janis: I’m too needy to fall asleep

Casey: I’d have to touch you

Janis: 🥰

Janis: play with me

Casey: how many rounds you got in you

Janis: there are no limits for you

Janis: if I pass out, wake me up by replacing [this object] with the real thing

Casey: do you feel like you’re gonna pass out

Janis: maybe

Janis: I’m so hot and my mouth and throat are all dry

Casey: I’ll bring you some ice, we won’t have to stop this time

Janis: no interruptions

Casey: no baby

Janis: feed it to me using your mouth, after your tongue has been everywhere the ice cube has

Casey: close your eyes and remember what it was like before

Janis: I haven’t forgotten a second, you remember important moments like that

Casey: you were so hot then an’ all

Janis: you get to me, I ran so fast to try to deal with how you made me feel

Casey: ran away from me

Janis: so I didn’t get down on my knees and lose any dignity I was barely holding onto

Casey: so I couldn’t drag you back in

Janis: you could’ve done anything and that’s why you called her and I left

Casey: why I didn’t call her by her name or say what I normally would

Janis: It was for me

Casey: I rang you

Janis: If I’d have answered, every random in the park would know your name

Casey: every guard too, I’d be picking you up from the station for your indecent behaviour and exposure when the randoms snitched

Janis: what else am I meant to do

Janis: only doing what I were told, anyway

Casey: you’re meant to lie on the kitchen table

Janis: and give him an actual scene to walk in on?

Casey: yeah

Janis: so you’ve laid me down

Casey: and you’ve chucked my phone hard as you could at the fridge, dented it but you can still see yourself, have a look

Janis: you don’t need it, look at me, how I’m opening up my legs for you instinctively, how my heart is thudding out my fucking chest so you can see it

Janis: you need to come closer, please, just touch my lips again like you did

Casey: watch us rip the clothes off your body to really look at you

Janis: I can always feel your eyes on me, wherever mine are meant to be

Casey: I can feel your pulse without touching you, how mad it goes ‘cause you want me to

Janis: maybe I’m nervous

Casey: what’ve you got to be nervous about

Janis: you tell me

Casey: you’ve not anything to worry about, only my eyes you can feel

Janis: I wasn’t worried, about anything else

Casey: don’t be, we trust each other, always have done

Janis: I’ve always had to be the sensible one, the one that gives a fuck

Janis: and that’s not how I’m behaving

Casey: I’ll be sensible, I’m all grown up now

Janis: hmm, where does ripping my clothes off on the kitchen table come into that, like

Casey: come on, you don’t need ‘em, you’re going nowhere

Casey: what else would you call it there’s fuck all in your way or mine

Janis: I don’t know what to call this, we never decided

Casey: we don’t need to decide, I remember you saying

Janis: I’m talking too much, you should stop me

Casey: but I dunno what would break first, you or the table

Janis: neither matters

Casey: you do

Janis: you’re not going to break me

Casey: broke the [whatever object he was using as her stand in earlier]

Janis: a decent substitute is still not even close

Janis: you can trust me

Casey: you reckon you ain’t behaving trustworthy but I know I still can

Janis: behaving for you just happens to mean not for everyone else

Casey: forget everybody else

Janis: you’re the one that’s here for me, who always has been

Casey: couldn’t let on I was your favourite but I were and that’s earned off you, never give it out for nowt

Janis: Bobby said I let you get away with everything

Janis: might be worst kept secret

Casey: no secret it’s mutual

Janis: it just hit me that we’ve never kissed

Casey: feels wrong, fairytale we’re in and the princess you are

Casey: it’ll be ‘cause this isn’t an ending, tonight’s a start instead

Janis: does that mean you won’t?

Janis: you are meant to be keeping me quiet, remember

Casey: I remember what’s important, what you said about us

Janis: I meant it

Janis: dunno that you mean to let me be 🤐 though

Casey: not screaming your head off don’t have to mean mute

Janis: Erm, I wouldn’t scream my head off anyway, not one of your exes

Casey: 1. I’ve got no exes if they wasn’t my missus in the 1st place 2. liar, you have been, what I’ve heard

Janis: 1. Details, details 2. Shut up, it only felt loud ‘cos you wanna hear it

Casey: nah, felt loud ‘cause it were loud

Janis: you’re welcome I’ve not woken anyone up

Casey: you would if I had to wake you, might wake the dead

Janis: don’t believe in talking yourself up too much, nah

Casey: I believe in how bad you want me, you made us

Janis: do want you to know that

Janis: seeing as I couldn’t show it before

Casey: it’s why I’ve no nerves, can’t feel scared when our hearts are thudding out our chests for less bollocks reasons

Janis: me either

Janis: the only thing I do isn’t going to happen so I just need to calm down

Casey: take the deepest breath you’ve got in you

Janis: you’re not allowed to change your mind, alright

Janis: like obviously you can but do it fast so it’s as painless as it can be

Casey: my head’s too full of you for my mind to not be made up

Janis: you know what I’m saying

Casey: you dunno what you’re saying

Janis: what if it is a one-time thing

Janis: and you’re over it

Casey: you’re channelling our kid now, I’d rather Gracie and her mates again, which is saying something

Janis: I didn’t say that is what will happen, just what if it did

Casey: what if I’m the right slag he’d have me be, well I’m not, alright

Janis: it’s not about that, it’s that it’s been forbidden all this time and we’re crossing the line

Casey: it’s not about what I couldn’t have, it’s about what we both want and will have from our day 1

Janis: I know that, I told you it was a bullshit thing to be scared of

Casey: nah, I get it

Janis: because it’s so fucking good, I’m just here searching for the ways it could go wrong, be taken from us, so I can stop them before they do

Casey: in my own way I’ve put you on some bollocks pedestal an’ all, didn’t mean to but ‘course you reckon you’ve loads to live up to when it’s been [however long] and we’ve not even kissed nor touched proper

Casey: you’re allowed your doubts, you’re a real lass not a girl in my head or on my wall, it’s alright, but just know if it weren’t good I’d go again not out the door

Janis: I don’t think it’s going to be shit, I’m not an insecure virgin

Janis: that’s not what I meant, at all

Casey: you’ll never lose us for no reason

Janis: the point is we can’t know until it happens

Casey: but I do know and I’ll show you it won’t happen

Janis: you can’t promise that

Casey: I am, I promise you, Janis

Casey: this, whatever we fancy calling it, is as safe as you are with me, not to be fucked with

Janis: Okay

Casey: it’ll be

Janis: and I won’t be this insane forever

Casey: shut up, your head’s only as done in as any dickhead’s would be

Janis: we both bring all our shit from before to this, can’t help it

Janis: I didn’t realise he was going to have screwed me up this hard though

Casey: I’ll leave out the I told you so I’d chuck at you if I was being a twat

Janis: I’ve never listened to any warnings

Casey: bit late now

Casey: and I’m not after changing who you are

Janis: you’re biased

Casey: yeah maybe, and what

Janis: and you’ll have to take it up with the new me when she comes about

Casey: she can fight me, I’ve permission off the you here

Janis: now I’m just jealous, like

Casey: you fight her then, we don’t need no new you coming ‘round

Janis: we all know I’m too set in my ways to change, was at 15, will be at proper 90

Casey: good, I loved you at 15 and I’ll still feel the same way about you at 90

Janis: I love you so much, nothing can change that

Casey: I love you more

Janis: I’m gonna be so calm when you get here, no head fuckery

Casey: better not be code for asleep, ‘cause I’ve told you what’ll happen if you are, nowt calm about it

Janis: if I needed inspiration to knock myself out

Casey: took the piss enough about all my concussions to be due a taste of your own medicine, like

Janis: sounds like you’re going to thump us now

Janis: you know I’ve got [whatever you were using as a substitute for him earlier] on me too, fool

Casey: were me who told you where to keep it ‘til I’m home to rid you of any need

Janis: I couldn’t once everything started going wrong

Casey: nothing’s wrong, put it back

Janis: let me take that deep breath you were talking about earlier first

Casey: let us hear it

Janis: [do, for the drama]

Janis: show me your heartbeat, it’ll be too loud to hear you

Casey: [do obvs, for how steady it was when he was reassuring her and making his promises etc and how dramatically it immediately goes up in response to that deep breath]

Janis: everything you do is hot

Janis: shouldn’t be allowed

Casey: you started it

Janis: you can come on my next run with me

Casey: when

Janis: not tomorrow, we’ve plans

Janis: the next day?

Casey: I’ve plans to run you a bath full of ice, be ages before you can walk never mind run

Janis: you don’t need to cripple me to keep me in your bed

Janis: I promise I’m going nowhere, you’re going to need all your strength to unattach me from you

Casey: I might use the clothes you don’t need to tie you to it, how’s that

Janis: why is it only a might

Janis: when I’ve done everything you’ve said

Casey: ‘cause you reckon you’re staying without none of that

Janis: I’m staying even if you fight me

Janis: you know me

Casey: you’ve promised

Janis: and I mean it

Casey: and I know you

Janis: and you love me

Casey: I should break your ankle, from then I did

Janis: it would go well easy

Janis: and then I’d be able to stay with you, fuck off work for AGES

Casey: stand by how it wouldn’t of if you was with me

Janis: I should’ve known then that I was in trouble

Casey: you did

Janis: you were a persistent little dickhead, yeah

Casey: had to be, I wanted you to like us from when I did ages before loving you

Casey: and it were true, about your ankle

Janis: I did like you, you made us laugh

Casey: but not from when I liked you

Casey: saw you

Janis: when did you see me then?

Casey: half the boxes probably hadn’t left the boot of dad’s car but I already thought he’d fucked up bringing the lot of us

Casey: least ‘til I spotted you having a go at some dickhead in school and changed my mind, fancied being in the country, that shithole

Casey: told myself wherever there were girls like you couldn’t be the shittiest and it weren’t

Janis: [send him your heart rate because you are not okay in the slightest and probably crying again lbr]

Janis: I’m so glad you stayed, that he brought you here, even if it weren’t a good idea on paper

Casey: me too, first time I’d seen somebody else half as wound up as us for what other knobheads would reckon’s no reason, could’ve been looking into a mirror, I were a fit lass an’ all

Janis: tah for not being, be a real pisstake

Casey: never beat your lesbo accusations, nah

Janis: too right, what sort of shitty friend would that make you

Casey: chuffed to bits as you are there’s no finding out

Janis: no lezzing off for you

Casey: what sort of mate, not offering to do it for us

Janis: the kind that’s only interested in you right now

Janis: fake it if you want, easy

Casey: I don’t want owt faked

Janis: then you know what I want

Casey: soon I’ll give you it

Janis: it’s mine now

Casey: take it then

Janis: how long is it ‘til you’re here?

Casey: [the countdown whatever it may be]

Janis: 💭💭💭 until then

Casey: I miss you

Janis: I’m not making no countdown for it but I’m just thinking about the hours we can spend together, no interruptions

Janis: how much longer it is than this shift has been, you and me

Casey: no 1 shift’s lasting the rest of my life, don’t pay us nowhere near enough

Janis: dunno about paying but I’m going to be the one that earns it

Janis: I can’t picture you with anyone else, it has to be me

Casey: it’s been you since you was fuming in the school corridor

Janis: you’re the sweetest boy 

Janis: I want to go back and hug you so hard

Casey: thump me, more like, you wouldn’t have been in the mood for a hug

Janis: wonder who I was fuming at and why, didn’t take much, still don’t

Janis: but yeah, awkward if you caught my strays

Casey: [tell her because of course you made a point of finding out who this random was]

Casey: did smack him, first chance he gave us

Janis: oh, yeah, that prick

Janis: what was it like, where’d it happen

Casey: [give her such a detailed re-telling of this as if it happened yesterday because obvs you did it for her and thought of her the entire time so you were living your best life and you gotta let her know the FULL tea]

Janis: fuck, I wish I’d been there

Casey: you were, I took you wherever I went ‘til we saw each other again

Janis: I’ve gone that far back on your feed, to see you again

Casey: if I’d worked out you kept scrolling I’d have deleted so many posts to make it easier

Janis: don’t

Janis: I like seeing you at every stage

Casey: gutted I never got scouted an’ all for you to see us on the side of a building, massive

Janis: I already have to share you with this whole town on any night

Casey: you don’t, not ever again

Janis: now I’m dreaming

Janis: definitely fell asleep

Casey: please wake up

Janis: impeccable manners

Casey: dunno what came over me there

Janis: sure you do

Casey: ��� as per

Janis: mutual, too

Casey: I wanna be a good boyfriend, how you said

Janis: you’re a natural

Casey: doing it with you feels natural, missing all the aggro of when I tried before

Janis: but are you missing it?

Casey: told you, what I miss is you

Janis: no paranoia, promise

Janis: but you can tell me everything, remember that

Casey: you know everything, I can’t forget that

Janis: nothing to hide from me, or show me when the time is right, yeah

Casey: if the time ever bloody is, swear the clock hands over the bar must be broke

Janis: feels like some sick joke at this point

Janis: where is your manager anyway, like

Casey: he’d show up from whereabouts he’s making himself scarce, I pushed my luck trying for an early close, guarantee you

Janis: ‘course

Janis: worst kind of dickheads

Casey: but we’ve waited this fucking long, what’s 🤏 more, eh

Janis: speak for yourself, boy

Janis: I’m furious

Casey: same as her day I got my first look, full circle again, like

Casey: you’re so fit when you’re fuming

Janis: that what you reckoned this morning when I was getting you to clean up

Casey: yeah

Janis: nothing makes you happier than when I’m fuming over you bringing someone back

Casey: ‘til tonight, might not have done

Casey: loads else has made us happier since

Janis: now you’re with me, I’ll make you as happy as you make me, good a vow as any I could spend ages thinking up

Casey: near to perfect as is actually possible, give you that

Janis: nothing else I could want

Janis: sure I could think up a list of gifts if it weren’t hypothetical 2nd go around but really

Casey: go on, I’m listening

Janis: some glasses, for starters, the microwave is kind of knackered…

Casey: oi, I’m bringing you glasses and replacement [whatever alcohol went RIP] AND posh biscuits

Casey: be more hypothetically romantic 

Janis: you’re not allowed to ask people for fun things as wedding presents

Janis: beats me, guess we’d all realise it’s no one’s birthday and think nah fuck off

Casey: says who, wedding police

Casey: I’ll do what I want, tah

Casey: including having it on my birthday if I fancy

Janis: right, so you have remembered it is meant to be (partially) all about you

Janis: you won’t be buying no presents, not even posh biscuits

Casey: you can’t stop us buying them for you

Janis: you’ll make me swoon

Casey: I won’t let you hit the floor

Janis: still on the bed, where you want me to be

Casey: *where we both want you

Janis: *where I need you, now

Casey: now or [in however long he’s supposed to have left], what you telling me

Janis: you said it was dead

Casey: standard [whatever night of the week it is, like yep they are always are]

Janis: [take this opportunity to fall asleep because y’all start skiving enough soon so you can finish this shift out when you realise hun]

Casey: [after there’s been a pause and she hasn’t replied]

Casey: Say it then

Casey: or owt else to let us know you’ve not died an’ all

Casey: [after another pause when she still hasn’t]

Casey: alright, told us, that 😏

Casey: RIP, night, and in a bit 🥰

Casey: [finish your shift hun, nick the glasses from work to put back in the cupboard when you get back along with the alcohol you’ll  have gone to the shop to replace but leave the posh biscuits you’ve bought on the bedside table that’s hers so they’ll be in her eyeline for breakfast when she wakes up before you, along with, less adorably, the object you have of course brought back as a memento after fucking it broken, whatever it may be, BUT most importantly we all know despite what you said you can’t actually bear to fuck this gal awake as the first time because she never sleeps but she actually is and looks so peaceful doing it, so obvs just get in and spoon her until you are also asleep and before she inevitably has to wake in the AM]

[buggy-d-hoe]

you should delete your blog. You dont even write or make things anymore and your a waste of space. You are just a groupie clinging on to the popular people because you dont have anything going for you. Fucking hoe

Hi! I don’t know what the problem is? Where is this aggression coming from? Let’s take this point by point shall we?

You should delete your blog

~I don’t think that’s your decision. It’s either Tumblr’s decision or mine. Sorry anonymous, but nice try.

You don’t (there’s an apostrophe there, DON’T forget it!) even write or make things anymore

~I am on and off Tumblr because I hit a writer’s blog for fanfiction and a creator’s slump for making things. Slowly, but surely, I am making some progress in things because that’s better than nothing right? However, I was gone for a good portion of this year particularly because of personal issues that I really don’t want to divulge, especially to someone who hides behind an anonymous name. I can choose to disclose this information or not because at the end of the day, it’s MY decision and MINE alone.

YOU’RE (really....come on) a waste of space

~I admit, you got me trembling at first because this ask caught me off guard. This is such a middle/high school thing to say. I’ve been told worse so *shrugs*

You are just a groupie clinging on to the popular people because you don’t have anything going for you

~ This is one that I need to crack my knuckles for. Call me a groupie or whatever, I really don’t care. If the “popular people” (as what you call them because I don’t get why this is still an issue...like wtf move on from this stupid topic!) don’t want me...a “groupie”....to associate with them, then they will let me know because we are all adults in this situation and we can talk it out...like...you know...like adults. I don’t know why you are still hung up over calling them “popular people”.

To me, they are just regular, hardworking, wonderful, chaotic, awe-inspiring, goddess-like individuals who happen to accept me for being my chaos walking, WEEEEEEEB, K-pop obsessed, bad guy fangirling to the point that I may need to rethink my life’s decisions, Peter Pettigewing them to the point of interventions, kinda self. We are extremely close and so far, they haven’t gotten tired of my antics....yet (I kid you guys...I kid!) They were there for me at my extreme lowest and that’s something you can’t buy with popularity points: genuine friendship.

I don’t need to name names because they know who they are. To me, they aren’t popular just because they are big names, well known, or whatever it is you deem them popular for. Have you ever tried making a manip image/GIF or tried writing AND updating? It’s fucking difficult, but for these people to churn them out whenever they can, it’s fucking awesome. It’s the things they make and post, AND do for others that warrants well deserved praise. In fact, let’s get rid of that stupid term “popular” because it has brought nothing but drama. They worked hard for their content, so why shouldn’t they be rewarded with some acknowledgment through reviews, likes, reblogs, mentions, etc? In fact, NUMBERS DO NOT DETERMINE YOUR WORTH! WHO CARES HOW MANY FREAKING NOTES ARE ACCUMULATED. IT’S FREAKING RIDICULOUS WHY PEOPLE THINK NUMBERS = POPULARITY. We don’t make ANY money off content (and we definitely shouldn’t because why?????? That’s freaking wrong) and so praises would be nice because it keeps the inspiration train going.

Fucking hoe

~Who doesn’t love a good romp sesh? I ain’t gonna deny it hahaha. Oh...and I’m thinking of changing my main tumblr to Leggo-My-Egghoe. Thanks for reminding me. If you are the same anon that came for my Cullen Hoe......I swear to god....

[pettyprocrastination]

Kiss The Barrel Before I Reload

pairing: Gracie x Fem!Reader

word count: 2k 

warnings: smut, cursing, guns, typical themes of the wild west. wlw in yee old yeehaws. 

Summary: Gracie joins a poker game in the parlor and meets a new face that’s bound to capture her interests. 

an: @frannyzooey​​ take me to church series was so amazing and soft and sexy and filled with such magnificent character’s id be a goddamn FOOL if i didn’t fall in love with at least one of them. (I actually fell in love with all of them, but Gracie has a special place) This is a little something something I wrote for her OC Gracie and a fem!reader that I honestly want to write more for because Gracie is just so *kissing noises* and I also love me so intimidating woman. Kelli I hope you enjoy this and I did right by you because your writing is just beautiful and I can only hope to write like you some day. 

------

    Gracie liked gambling men. 

    Well, she enjoyed gambling itself. Her job made her skilled in reading people, knowing what they wanted, how they wanted and who they wanted it from. She knew it all just from the way they looked at the women of the parlor and shifted in their seats. Reading their tells is just as easy. She would happily sit down at a table in a free hour, men dissuaded by her curves and sweet smile and let her play with a light laugh and “sure honey, give it your best shot” before the hour was over and they were rubbing their heads as she collected her wins, trying to figure out how the fuck a little thing like her swindled them so easily. 

    But gambling men were good for money. Slipping her arms around the man who will win in just a few rounds with a soft “need some company handsome?” knowing that he’ll reward her with a hefty tip after spending an hour with her alone. Consoling the once overly confident men who lost with sweet kisses on their necks and bruised egos, taking their hand in hers and leading them upstairs with promises of making them feel better. 

    Which is why when she saw the two men seated downstairs from the railing, she made a beeline for the one she did not know. One of them, named Westley, she knew quite well. He was hunched over the table, brow furrowed and glaring at the cards in his hand. Frustrated. Angry. Losing. 

    His friend was quite the opposite. Sat back in his chair, limbs stretched out like a cat in a sunbeam. One hand holding his cards while the other hung at his side, occasionally beating out a rhythm on his leg. 

    Relaxed. Confident. Winning. 

    Gracie approached the man from behind, leaning down to coo in his ear. “You looking for company honey?” 

    Westley chortled and nodded to the man across from him. “I wouldn’t bother, girl.” 

    She pursed her lips. Such a sore loser already and the game wasn’t even done. 

  Gracie sighed. “Well I’m sure your friend can answer for himself, Westley. Can’t you, dear?” She cupped a hand under the man’s jaw, tilting so his eyes met hers and-     

    Oh. 

    She took in the long lashes that covered the cold eyes staring back at her. Sun stained clothes that hung off your body, but gave her enough mercy to see the curve of your chest from the three undone buttons and the dark skin beneath it. 

    A woman. 

    You took in her shock and leaned into her hand. Crooked teeth bared in a sardonic smile. 

    “Aw, what’s the matter, honey?” you rasped. “I ain’t pretty enough for you?”

    Before she had a chance to speak, to collect herself and say that you were    plenty pretty enough for her in that sweet voice and sultry smile that made men curl into her arms, you had already turned back in your chair. 

    “I’m not lookin’ to waste the money I just got.”

    Westley scoffed, eyes raking over her body without an ounce of subtlety, just as he did every time he came in. “I’d hardly call a sweet thing like her a waste of money. Why don’t you come on over here and take a seat, beautiful?” He patted his thigh. “Come be my goodluck charm.” 

    Gracie smiled and held out her hand. But before he had the chance to reach her, she pulled it back, making him frown. “You gonna share the prize money with me, Wes?” 

    Westley pursed his lips in a face of feigned hurt. “Why, I wouldn't dream of doing anything else. Shit, you turn my luck around and I just might keep you.”

    His promises were thin, she knew it from experience. He wasn’t one to tip, only paying the minimum before wearing her out until his time was up and he was leaving without a word. He wasn’t generous, she knew well, with money, nor pleasure. 

    But he paid, and that’s what mattered. 

    Gracie threw her leg over his lap, arms wrapped around his broad shoulders and nuzzles his neck with a soft sigh. Even as his free hand crept up her skirt and gripped the soft skin of her thigh, you never looked up from the cards in your hand. 

    “Don’t hold your breath, girl.” A soft mumble of your lips, Gracie just barely able to hear it over the noise of the parlor. “Idiot might not have anything left once I’m done.” 

    You weren’t pretty. 

    It’s what she realized when she finally got a good look at you, sitting across from you in another man’s lap as he cursed and fumbled with his cards. Weather beaten skin laden with scars that slithered under your clothes. A sharp jaw with an even sharper nose, that would have been regal if it wasn’t accompanied with sickly yellow bruises along the bone. Lips that would have looked sweet and inviting in a small smile, like the ones women would flash her from the bar, far too nervous to take the first step but hoping she would. 

    Instead they split into a harsh grin, baring crooked teeth to your opponent in a way that reminded her of a fox in a henhouse. 

    “You sure you wanna keep playin’, Wes?” You glanced up from your cards to meet Gracie’s eyes and she felt herself grow wet on Westley’s lap. “If you stop now, you might have just enough for five minutes with her.” 

    No, you weren’t pretty. 

    Handsome. She realized, while staring at the dried blood on the split skin of your lip and the way your tongue would flick out to taste it. You were oh so dangerously handsome. 

    She shifted her hips against Westly, an unconscious movement when she found herself staring at your fingers for a moment too long and thinking about what they’d feel like on her, instead of the harsh hand that seized her waist the moment she moved. 

    “Dammit girl.” His fingers pinched her side as he grew hard beneath her and dropped his head low. “Stay still, I can’t focus with you doin’ all that.”   

    “Why?” Gracie, ever the spitfire, spoke before thinking. “You were already losing before.” 

    The corner of your lips turned up and she felt a flush of pride. 

    Westley bristled. “Watch that mouth,” he forced through clenched teeth. “You’re mine after this, you better remember that.”     A dark warning to be sure, but she was too focused on the way your smile dropped at his threat. 

    She raised her hand to gently cup the side of his face. “I’m sorry, honey.” Gracie pressed her lips to his cheek with a low mumble of ‘I didn’t mean to’ that made the man grow calm and nod briskly before picking up his cards again. 

    She said nothing about the way your eyes caught the corner of his cards as he pulled them back to his chest, nor the way you pulled the brim of your hat low over your face to hide your smile. Minutes later, your cards were laid bare on the table as you collected your winnings while Westley threw his to the ground. 

    “You’re a fucking cheat!” 

    Gracie barely had time to slip off his lap before he was up from his chair and pointing a finger at you. “Nobody wins like that with a clean hand!”         You didn’t spare her a second glance as you began to collect the money from the table and slip it into your pocket. “I do.” 

    “The hell you do! You must've done something. Had something, I’m-” 

    Westley turned to Gracie with a wild look in his eyes. 

    “You helped her!” 

    “No she didn’t.” You stuffed the final bill into your pocket and scoffed. “Just cause I’m not easily distracted by a nice pair of tits like you doesn’t mean she’s the reason you lost. You just can’t play for shit.” 

    His face turned red as the man around guffawed and hooted at your jab. 

    “You fucking cunt!” 

    He reached for his gun, shouting profanity and-

    Your revolver was already tucked under his chin before his hand could even graze the holster at his side. 

    “You just spent an hour gambling with me, old boy.” You dig the barrel into his jaw with flat eyes. “You so eager to do it again?” Your thumb pulled the hammer back, click echoing in the now silent parlor. “Believe me when I say losing this round will cost you a hell of a lot more than some petty cash.” 

    Westley’s eyes shot around the room, as if in search of help. But everybody, the women and their clients, even the madam at the top of the stairs, stood still as the dead. 

    You looked over at Gracie, wide-eyed and desperate for somebody, something to happen, to break the hold you had on them all because the wait was the most painful thing she’d suffered in ages before your free hand reached into your pocket and pulled out a small portion of your prize money. 

    “That should be enough for an hour or two.” You pulled your gun away from Westley and slipped it back into the holster, allowing the room to breathe once more. “Consider it a consolation prize.” 

    Nobody moves, even as you turned on your heel and walked out of the parlor. Gracie watched you turn to offer her one last nod of your head before pushing through the door and out into the street. 

    The moment the doors closed, life returned into the building. Women murmured to themselves, asking one another if any of them knew who that was while their madam snapped at them to return to their patrons or go in search of a new one. 

    Westley snatched the money off of the table, thumbing through it before shoving it into Gracie’s hand and stomping upstairs. She counted it and blew out a breath. It was more than enough for two hours, in fact. 

    Gracie’s time that you had given to Westley, was spent thinking of you. As he nursed his bruised ego by making Gracie shriek with every sharp snap of his hips and a tight grip on her throat, she thought of you. The woman with a rough voice and quick fingers who was more than ready to kill a man in a room full of whores. 

    She thought of your eyes, empty and indifferent, even as you threatened the life of another man. She thought of your eyes on her, the way they narrowed as you smiled into her hand when she tilted your head up to her and what would have happened if she had been quicker? If she had said you were more than pretty enough for her. 

    Would you have let her slip onto your lap? Let her hands run over your chest and toy with the silver cross that hung from your neck and along the slope of your breasts, just peeking out from the opening of your shirt. Would you have awarded her for your win with an hour together? 

    Gracie tilted her hips against Westleys as she conjured up the image in her mind and cried out. 

    Oh. What a pretty picture you would be together. 

    She imagined those dark eyes fluttering shut as she licked and sucked at your skin, that rough voice groaning out praise and deft hands gripping onto her like a lifeline as you both rose and fell together in tandem. She imagined knocking the hat off your head as she tangled her hands in your dark curls while she kissed you. Slotting a thigh between your legs and holding your hips as you rut against her. She imagined kissing the scar on your neck as your head fell back while you came. 

    For a moment, it was your hand wrapped around her throat, not that of a sore loser from a poker game. It was your voice grunting and moaning and it was your fingers reaching down to rub at her clit, not her own. 

    She wondered if you would finish her off after your own climax. Sweat slicked skin pressed against her own as your fingers joined her own with a soft order of “you can do it baby, I know you can.” 

    Not leaving her wanting. Desperate and needy and unsated like the man who came on her back before dressing himself and leaving without another word. 

    As she slipped into the bath, soothing the bruises with hot water and cleaning herself with a rag, Gracie wondered if you would be back. The thrill of seeing you, a woman, confident and strong and so unapologetically lethal sent a thrill down her spine. Even now, hours later as she dried off and slipped into her night clothes. 

     There was always a poker game going on downstairs. She told herself. Next time you gambled, she hoped she would be on the winning side. 

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 8--For Blood

As always, placed behind a cut for those of you that would rather escape my babbling, lol.  You’re welcome.  

Sadly, I don’t think this is anticipation I feel.  I’m pretty sure it’s dread but okay.  Here we go.  

This episode has to go up from the rock bottom boredom of last week, right?  

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the truth that I in no way hate Maggie.  She’s been with us since Season 2 and I have an emotional attachment to her, mostly due to my love of Glenn and the way he loved her.  She’s not my favorite by any means, but the fact of the matter is, I do like and appreciate her and don’t mind that she is back because it’s nice to have old familiar faces with us to take us into the final season.  That said?  Forcing Maggie front and center after her long absence ultimately, IMHO, has not worked in these first 8 episodes.  I can’t help but feel if ASZ had been the A story with Maggie/Negan and Daryl/Leah/the Reapers the B1 and B2 story?  These episodes would have been better received overall and not feel so much like they’re trying so hard.  Maybe lead me toward the water instead of shoving my head in it next time, Angela?  Hmm?  

Oh goodie.  They’re opening at Meridian.  Should I get my bathroom break out of the way now or give myself an out for later?  Call it Shae’s choice, lol.  

That flicker of a smirk Leah gave to Carver after their mini walk down memory lane had more spark to it than the entirety of her and Daryl’s toxic relationship.  In the future, maybe Angela will lean all in on them instead of Leah and Daryl.  Something tells me Leah knows this “brother” biblically.  

Daryl recognizes Whisperer moves when he sees ‘em.  Somehow, he realizes Maggie and Negan have banded together however reluctantly.  

Pope doing it “Dixon’s” way but not allowing Dixon to do the actual thing shows the level of distrust and paranoia the man still haves for outsiders. 

Look at Daryl chewing his lips with worry for his people.  If he and Leah know each other even a little bit, she has to recognize that as one of his tells.  

Ooohhhh.  Who took the first stab at Wells?  Maggie?  Negan?  Father G?  I swear.  I took my eyes off the “ball” one second and the whole damn play is halfway down the field.  Sorry.  If you cannot tell, I watched football with the fam yesterday, lol.  

The Walking Dead logo didn’t crumble this time.  Interesting.  Parts of it looked like it had been rebuilt.  With brick.  Wood.  Other parts of it looked reclaimed by nature.  Call me crazy, but that almost looks like an eye/part of a face on the first D.  

Okay then.  Babbling nonsense about the logo over, lol.  Tell me.  Please.  Anybody.  How do the events at ASZ line up with the events at Meridian?  Because it’s night and full-blown storming in ASZ and still daylight at Meridian.  But hey.  Thank fuck we’re in ASZ.  

All the babies huddled together giving me feels.  Sorry.  I know some feel they have no place on the show, but I personally enjoy their inclusion from time to time.  It usually plucks hard at my heartstrings.  

Connie tenderly comforting an injured Virgil is sweet, not gonna lie.  

Aww.  Is that Hershel petting a scared RJ’s hair?  Unless it’s a case of me not being able to pick out and place all the little hands, which it most certainly could be, I’m thinking Judith’s got her hand on her knee and that’s Hershel’s hand in RJ’s hair.  Regardless of whose hand is where, it was a sweet little scene.  What can I say?  I’m easy because Baby Glenn and Baby Rick, ya’ll.  

Oh snap.  The windmill’s on fire and pieces of the wall are blowing down main street ASZ like steel tumbleweeds, lol.  

Anybody else having flashbacks to the barn from Season 5?  Good times.  We still had most of Team Family with us then.  They were in a bad place, hurting and lost and just trying to survive--when are they not just trying to survive?--but they were together.  I miss them.  

Carol and Lydia holding each other.  These two, lovelies, have my whole heart.  

Wells is Walker Jerky, Shaw.  Stop wasting your breath.  

“She did.  My enemy.”  I mean, are we supposed to get the impression Maggie’s been a formidable adversary to Pope?  Because she feels more like a roach that simply knows the best rocks to hide under.  Granted, roaches are hard to kill but still.  I’m gonna need them to give us something better than Maggie being Pope’s enemy simply because she didn’t want to give up her home without a fight because this is frankly unbelievable and bordering on stupid.  

Alright.  So they’ve obviously been sowing the seeds of distrust and defiance between Leah and Pope because she doesn’t like losing family but Daryl?  Man?  You and Leah have differing opinions about how family operates.  Trust me on this.  

So.  Three teams, huh?  Aaron fighting the windmill fire, Carol repairing the breach in the wall, Rosita protecting the babies that represent their future.  Choose your fighters, lol.  Seriously, though.  Why do I have the sinking feeling only one group is going to be shown actually doing their thing?  

Listen.  Am I pissed we haven’t gotten the scene we deserve yet between Carol and Connie after all that’s happened and we’re getting crumbs mainly because Angela wrongly feels the Reapers/Maggie & Negan/Daryl & Leah need more focus?  Absolutely.  You bet your sweet asses.  But Melissa fucking McBride just took the crumbs allotted her and made a magnificent, work of art cake out of it trying all on her lonesome to feed us starving Carol fans.  

Bless Connie wanting wanting to go with Carol.  What a show of trust and sister-like solidarity that must have some hate-rotted guts about to turn themselves out.  

I love Kelly and Connie’s sister bond.  No ill will intended, but It takes the good parts of Maggie and Beth and elevates it beyond anything those two ever showed us.  I really feel like that’s a testament to Angel and Lauren’s real life ease with each other.  

Magna choosing to go with Aaron makes me wonder if it’s possible she feels some kind of residual guilt over Connie.  Not guilt for anything she’s actually done, but simply guilt over making it out.  

Virgil volunteering to help.  Okay.  Damn.  I’m honestly starting to like the guy.  

Judith offering to go with her aunt Carol had me all up in my feels.  I mean, granted.  It was a blink and you miss it scene.  We really deserved a longer heart to heart between that little girl and the woman that’s sacrificed so much to keep her safe and loved her for so long, but you know I’ll gobble any and all Judith/Aunt Carol content up.  Seems to me, Little Ass Kicker is just as afraid of letting Aunt Carol out of her sight as Uncle Daryl.  My heart.  

Gracie and Aaron are sweet.  And honestly?  I find them more realistic and true to what normal parents and children would be like in a ZA than Judith and Michonne no matter how much I love that bond.  I mean no disrespect, but I really do.  

“Why am I keeping you around?”  Pope asking the question we’re all wondering.  

Not Apocalypse Popeye comparing Daryl to a stray dog.  Joe from the Claimers already declared Daryl an outside cat that thought he was an indoor cat.  I did have to internally cheer when Daryl was like “I’m ain’t gonna lick it” talking about the helping hand Pope had extended him.  

“Somehow she has turned the dead against the living.  Oh, that’s impressive.”  The thing about Pope respecting Maggie so much as an enemy is I just find it hard to buy, lol.  Like if this had been Carol, yeah.  But Maggie?  Nope.  They’ve mostly shown her (with Gage being the bewildering exception) to be all bark and no bite.  

Has the house in ASZ really become that dilapidated that they can see through its walls?  Because its original owners dodged a bullet if so.  

Look at Grace hero-worshipping Judith.  It’s sweet.  

Virgil telling Judith Michonne would be proud of her is nice but doesn’t feel as earned as if someone like Daryl or Carol that actually knew Michonne well said it.  But maybe that’s the whole point--Judith needs to hear it from someone she knows isn’t going to just say what she wants to hear.  

Call me jaded, it was a touching scene, but also?  It felt designed to allow Judith to move beyond her very normal and realistic feelings of being abandoned by Michonne, even though she gave her the “okay” herself.  Like she’s still a kid.  Wants don’t always line up with feelings.  Anyway.  Cailey continues to be a bright, shining little star and I love how she’s managed to make Judith a true amalgamation of all the people she’s loved who have loved her in return.  Not just Michonne.  I know people like to overlook and cheapen the fact, but it’s taken a village and entire family to raise her from infancy.  

Gracie really should have known better than play in front of the windows during a storm period, but oh well.  Plot point, lol.  

Seriously, though.  I feel like they’ve teased poor Gracie’s demise in a multitude of ways since the beginning of the season.  I hope nothing ultimately comes of it but I fear it will.  All I can say if the worst comes to happen is poor Aaron.  

Where are Negan and Elijah though?  Ouch.  There they are, taking on shrapnel for the cause.  

Ready the what now?  

There’s ASZ’s Baby Sitter Extraordinaire!  Barbara, is it?  That lady’s been putting in the work since Season 5 at least.  

I’ve honestly grown to love Rosita.  More of her and less of Maggie, please and thank you.  

“Let’s stay away from the windows.”  I’m sorry but I had to LMAO at that.  Still a badass moment though.  

Gabe hobbling toward his assigned sentinel.  At least they haven’t forgotten he’s injured like they seemed to forget Daryl was near death last season before the attack on Hilltop, lol.  

“It’s hard to watch something you care about change.”  Listen, Leah.  Chick.  You and Daryl obviously never really knew each other.  It’s always been obvious but I have a feeling “DIxon” is finally going to show you, spoilers or no spoilers.  

WTF are they calling that thing?  Sorry.  I have just as hard a time understanding Pope’s accent as I do Maggie’s sometimes.  

That’s not love that has Daryl telling Leah she can come with him.  That’s care for somebody he used to know.  There is a distinct difference that’s obviously lost on so many.  How can you really and truly love someone you cannot trust?  Especially in Daryl Dixon’s case?

Why does Angela hate us so much?  Giving us all these Reaper scenes and leaving us to simply imagine Carol and Connie and Kelly working side by side to save the wall?  

I think I honestly could have enjoyed this whole Reaper storyline more, at least a little bit anyway, had they not retrofitted a half-assed romance between Daryl and the story’s weakest link and if only they’d made it the B storyline and given earned deference to the goings-on in ASZ instead.  

I wonder if Glenn taught Maggie how to hot write a car?  I miss my baby Glenn.

Apocalypse Popeye is several fries short of a Happy Meal.  What else is new on this show, lol?  

I care for Maggie.  Mostly for nostalgia’s sake and Glenn and Baby Hershel but damn, man.  She’s not actually proven herself got be worth killing your entire “family” for.  But are too far gone, so.  We’ll make allowances.  

I will say at least this episode is not as abysmally biring as last week’s episode.  

Leah finally giving Pope the throat punch he’s been asking for but I’m not fooled she’s on Daryl’s side here.  She’s always been on her own side.  

Look at Father G returning the favor for Maggie saving him in the tower.  Taking Deaver down!  Poor Deaver barely saw the light of day.  

Here comes that woman scorned part.  I can feel it.  

“Pope is dead.  Dixon murdered him.  He’s with the enemy.”  

Please, Angela.  I’m begging you.  Bring Carol into this story and ramp it the fuck up.  You been idling too damn long and the car is fast running outta gas.  

Bitch really has to die to framing Carol’s Pookie.  

Rosita and Lydia and Carol and Connie and Kelly and Magna have literally been holding up this damn show while Angela farts around with the Reapers bullshit.  Honorable mention goes to Aaron but these lovely, badass ladies been putting in the real work and not getting any of the glory.  You just know they’re tired AF.  

Not my babies Lydia and Judith being the cliffhanger!  Oh and Gracie.  Angela?!  A word.  

Listen.  Carol’s already done that fireworks trick.  That Reaper dude owes her royalties.  Granted, it was on a smaller scale but much more impressive for it because she was left to be the sharpshooter.  

Angela has a point.  It is kind of cool how Team Family have learned from their enemies and assimilated their useful points into their own cache of knowledge.  

I truly feel like the Leah/Reaper storyline would have benefitted from a much stronger actress.  Just saying.  

I know Judith annoys some with her precociousness but Cailey just keeps teeing off on what they give her and personally?  I feel she’s so very talented and light years beyond her little acting counterparts so it still works.  

“They’re never gonna choose each other over the people that they’ve loved and fought for because they simply cannot really trust each other.  There’s sort of, like a toxicity at the base of that relationship.”  Straight from Angela’s mouth.  

“At the end of the day, Daryl chose his family.”  Yeah, he did.  That “I belong with you” shit only happened when he felt they were all gone, including the one he loved above all others--Carol.  Fight me.  

Overall impression of the episode?  

On its own, disregarding how much I can’t help resenting how much time I feel has been “wasted” setting this story up, it was much more entertaining than Episode 7 which was only epic in that it was an epic bore.  There was still too much focus on the Reapers when I just just kept wanting to see what was happening at ASZ.  I mean, they cheated us out of Carol and Connie and Kelly working together. Of Aaron and Magna.  Call it personal preference coloring my opinions if you want, but the characters I care about feel like they’ve been shown the backseat for this self-indulgent exploration of Angela’s OC and her version of self-insert FF with Daryl Dixon.  If we can return to Team Family?  The whole Team Family and not just Maggie and Co. against the world?  You’ve got me.  If not?  Well.  You’ll keep losing me by degrees and you don’t want to do that on the final season.  

Anyway.  The ASZ parts were my favorites per usual.  The episode could have used a lot more of those.  

[american-satanxx]

Gave Your Heart to a Hurricane// Albert Bishop chap 6

Author’s note: I’m so sorry for not updating in what seems like forever. I’ve been stressed out and going through some shit at work and in my personal life. Plus typing on a laptop with a kitten around is a challenge. Plus Morticia (said kitten) is just distracting all on her own. She’s so fucking adorable. I won’t promise you that I’ll be better at updating because I don’t know if I will or not. But here’s an update. Hope you guys  like it!

Taglist: @SOLLLARIS, @BOBASHEEBABY, @ANOTHERRENNELL, @NEVER-NEVERLAND

MASTERLIST

War, it ain't nothin' but a heartbreaker

“Trav, it’s been a month. Albert and I are fine.” I assure my brother as I walk into Albert’s apartment. “I don’t know why you are continuously worried about my relationship with your friend.”

“I’ve known Albert longer than you.” He reminds me. “He was a player.”

“Like every other male in the military.” I remind him, rolling my eyes. I kick off my sneakers at the door and hang my keys up on the key hook before strolling into the living room. It’s quiet, Albert must still be sleeping. “I’ve dated worse guys than players. If I can handle a drunk drug addict, I can handle a guy potentially cheating on me.”

Travis sighs. “I don’t want you to go through another Bennie situation.”

“Then you’re just gonna have to be happy for me and Albert.” A chuckle escapes my lips. “Albert isn’t going to hurt me like Bennie did.”

“Does he know about that whole situation?” Travis asks, causing me to sigh. “Grace, he needs to know.”

“We’ve officially been dating a month, seeing each other for two and talking for a couple more months.” I start. “I...I don’t want to scare him off. I know he needs to know and I’ll tell him everything.. I just need to figure shit out and find the perfect way to tell him.”

“He loves you, Gracie.” He assures me. “Nothing you do or say will scare him off. It’s actually annoying. He loves you despite your obnoxious flaws.” He laughs, causing one to escape my own lips. 

“You’re an asshole, big brother.”

“But I’m your favorite.” He sings. Damn him from being right.

Just as I’m about to open my mouth to reply, I hear whimpers coming from Albert’s room following him screaming someone’s name.

“Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later.” I quickly hang up before sprinting to Albert’s bed room. I swing the door open and find him tossing and turning screaming names and swearing. Sweat is dripping off him in buckets. I rush over to him to try and stop the thrashing and walk him up. But he’s too strong. 

I straddle his torso and use my total body weight to grab his wrists and force them to the bed, shaking him once to walk him up. His eyes open wide and he looks at me in complete shock. His breathing is erratic and he doesn’t know what’s real and what isn’t. He looks around the dark room and lets out a sigh of relief. His breathing slowly goes back to normal as he relaxes under me.

“You want to talk about it?” I ask, my hands are still around his wrists and I’m still straddling him.

“You’re wearing too many clothes to be in that position.” He jokes, clearly ignoring the elephant in the room. 

I give him a stern look. “You don’t have to put on that macho persona every military man gets when it comes to PTSD. You can talk to me about things, even if you have to be vague.”

He just sighs.

“Albert, whatever you tell me, isn’t going to scare me away.” I assure him. “I’m an army brat, I may not have experienced the horrors of the fire fights or being on the front line but I’ve experienced the horrors only a military family member can face.”

“Which is?” His eyebrow is raised, condescending almost. It’s like his waiting for me to describe something that he’ll quickly have to correct.

“Witnessing your loved one slowly decaying from the inside.” I reply. “We watch as you guys become shells of your former selves and we watch the walls being built brick by fucking brick. We watch as you guys face these inner battles but refuse to talk about them. We watch as you guys slow kill yourself by drinking and doing drugs. I’ve watched my father wrestle a gun out of my uncle’s hands to prevent him from killing himself. I’ve seen the horrors you army guys won’t see because you never want to admit something is wrong.”

Albert lets out a sigh and I let him go. “I don’t want to subject you to this.” He admits as he pulls me down on top of him. “You’re this light in my life and I’d hate to be the reason you dim.”

“Albert Bishop, I knew exactly what I was getting myself into the moment we started talking. If I was gonna run away, it would have been the moment you got deployed early on in our relationship. But I waited patiently for your return. I love you and all your demons. And that is something that’ll never change. Army Brat’s promise.”

He chuckles before looking me deep in the eyes. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Oh I know but you’re more than welcome to keep reminding me daily.” I laugh.

“I’ll talk about my deployment with you.” He informs me. “Under one condition.”

“Okay what’s the condition?”

“You tell me about what happened to you when Travis was in boot camp…”

[shimmershaewrites]

A Matching Set (Caryl Post Season 10 One Shot + Grimes babies + Lydia and some Aaron).

Just a little tooth-rotting fluff I found on my hard drive half finished.  Kinda, sorta Christmas fic but not.  Read it.  You’ll see.  Sorry not sorry.  

“Play lots of Tetris as a kid?”  

 The mountain man beard does precious little to hide Aaron’s brief grin as he waits for Daryl to add more to that blurted, out of the blue question.  

 Daryl doesn’t blame him.  They ain’t talked a lick since they set off beyond Alexandria’s gates with a wobbly ass wheelbarrow and an ax in dire need of sharpening.  Once or twice, Aaron’s hummed a few notes of a couple vaguely familiar Christmas tunes, but other than that?  Radio silence.  Surprise or not, however, he figures the question’s pretty on point.  Especially considering their current means of passing the dwindling daylight hours.  “So.  Did ya?” he asks again, blue eyes averted and squinting as they search out any signs of potential danger, human or otherwise. Nothing’s there.  Hasn’t been since they took the head of the last Whisperer snake, but old habits?  They die hard.  And if they’ve kept his heart beating this long, he’s not looking to abandon them. ‘Sides.  If there were anything out there, he has no doubts Dog would be the first to alert them.  Provided, of course, he wakes his lazy ass up in time.      

 Rising and carefully slotting the last piece of tinder into place atop their firewood pyramid, Aaron lets his own eyes flit over the gray horizon.  “See anything?”  Soon as Daryl shakes his head, he allows his shoulders to relax.  Then he laughs to himself quietly.  “As a matter of fact, I did play.  You?”  

 Breath whining past his chapped lips, Daryl doesn’t respond.  He’s too focused on heaving the wheelbarrow out of the mud that’s caked around its wheels, his boots, even the abandoned ax.  Loaded down as it is, shit’s definitely heavier than it looks, and he gives up, at least momentarily.  “That the last of it?”  

 Aaron nods, bending to reclaim the ax.  “That’s the last of it.”  Daryl’s muttered thank fuck has his eyes crinkling in a way they haven’t in ages, at least not in the presence of anybody but Gracie.  “Need a little help?”  

 It takes the both of them working together to get the wheelbarrow out of the rut and bumping along the path home.  They’ve been walking a while, Dog trotting on ahead, before Daryl picks the dangling thread of conversation back up.  “Played,” he admits.  “Hell else was detention good for?”  

 “Homework,” Aaron quips.  

 “Pfft.  Bet your ass was the permanent hall monitor.”

 “You’re looking at a Hall of Famer.”  

 Daryl simply smirks.  

 “Ah, the Daryl Dixon approximation of a belly laugh.  I’m breathing rarified air.”  When his teasing is merely taken in stride, his steps start to slow and he regards Daryl with something akin to wonder.  Dog even turns back to stare.  

 Feeling his friend’s eyes boring a hole in him, Daryl mutters, “Hell you staring at? Wanna trade places?”  

 Aaron takes but a second to consider the offer.  “I think I’ll pass.”  

 “No shit. Figured you’d say…”  

 “Carol prefers you.”  

    ---

 The sky’s bleached of any color by the time Daryl’s finally headed home.  The streets of Alexandria empty.  

 No wonder because there’s a storm blowing in.  First one in what promises to be a long winter season.  At least according to their self-appointed weather man Eugene.

 Personally? Daryl thinks it’s all some grade A bullshit.  Pouring over half a dozen dusty old Farmers’ Almanacs like they hold the answers. Plotting random patterns and pieces of data on time-yellowed paper in chicken scratch that would have put Merle’s own to shame.  He doesn’t need or believe any of it because he can feel it in his aging bones like some kind of wizened old wizard.  Course, it doesn’t take much these days to make old hurts echo.  And the cold he’s feeling now?  It chills his blood.  Makes him ache and wish to high hell he’d worn the ridiculous hat Carol had tried to shove down over his ears this afternoon before he and Aaron had left out. Embarrassing piece of yarn might have come in handy filtering out the hollow, haunted whistle of the wind, but damn if he was going to sacrifice his dignity like that.  Wearing a whole-ass pom-pom on top of his head.  A rainbow one at that.  Nah.  Weren’t all that long a walk from Aaron’s.  “Almost there,” he reminds himself.  “Almost.”      

 Dog’s got a little extra giddy-up in his step as he trots ahead.  

 The mutt looks back and whines as if to tell Daryl hurry and Daryl can’t help but huff something resembling a laugh as he reshuffles the load of firewood stacked clear to his chin to get a better grip.  His breath fogs in front of him like thick, odorless cigarette smoke and shit.  His fingers might be halfway numb, but they twitch reflexively for the vice he hasn’t allowed himself to indulge in months.  Shaking his head, he includes Dog when he grumbles.  “Getting soft.”  

 Dog hangs back and stares him down as if to say speak for yourself.  

 “Ain’t the only one,” Daryl generously allows when a particularly biting gust of wind swirls around them both.  It lifts his hair from his forehead and makes his eyes sting.  Has him hunching his shoulders clear to his ears as if that’d do him any good, and he finds himself hurrying just as much as the little fucker that finally abandons him, home within his sights.  “Ain’t the only one.”  

    He sheds his muddy boots just inside the kitchen door and tries to make a grab for Dog before he runs off, he really does, but the damn animal’s too squirrely.  Too excited to see his kids.  To see his girl.  Daryl can relate.  

 “Ten minutes later and we were going to send out a search party.”  

 The soft lilt of her voice brings a smile to his mouth before he’s even seen her.  “Promised I’d be back.”  All the leftover tension from the trek back through the woods melts away beneath her gentle touch and he leans his head back against her chest with a sigh.  

 “I know that,” she murmurs fondly.  “Judith knows that.  RJ too.”

 “Lydia?”

 “She worries. It’s sweet.”  

 What’s even sweeter is the feel of her hands in his hair, her nails tickling his scalp, and the smile he feels curve against his cheek before her lips leave a kiss there. “C’mere.”  

 She’s straddling his lap, arms hooked around his shoulders, and nose nestled against his own before he can ask her twice.  

 Daryl cups her head and coaxes her closer, her hair slipping like silk between his fingers. He kisses her until they both sigh.

 “Miss me, Mr. Crossbow?”

 Her smile fills his heart and works a lump into his throat.  “Always.  Know that.”

 She traces the bridge of his nose, the line of his jaw, the curve of his ear, and pouts. “Your ears are cold.”  

 “Should have worn the fucking hat.”  

 “I’m not one to say I told you so, but…”  

 “Pfft.”  

 “You really should have worn the fucking hat.  I mean, look at me.  Really look at me.  This isn’t the time or place for vanity,” she teases.    

 “That’s the ugliest sweater I’ve ever seen.”  She giggles like a girl.  Like Judith. Like Lydia when she doesn’t think anybody’s watching.  And he’ll tell her a thousand times the sweater is ugly just to hear that sound again, even though she’s still the prettiest thing he ever did see.  “The ugliest damn sweater.”  

 “The ugliest.  I left yours upstairs at the foot of the bed.”  

 “Carol.”  

 “They’re a matching set.”  

   ---

 The logs are crackling in the fireplace when he comes back downstairs and joins them.  

 RJ and Judith have their heads together nearby, talking in whispers and giggles.  Both of them seemingly transfixed by the orange sparks that float and flicker like fireflies against a midnight sky.  

 Lydia’s got a book and Dog in her lap and a blanket tucked around her toes.  A soft, hesitant smile plays upon her lips when she spies him, and she’s quick to bury her nose back in her book before it can visibly stretch from ear to ear.  

 “Stahp,” he gives a preemptive grumble when Carol glances up from mending his raggedy ass pants and her sassy mouth starts to twitch.  “Woman,” he warns with an accusatory finger when the first laugh sputters free. “If I didn’t know better…”  

 “Is Aunt Carol in trouble?” RJ asks his big sister.  

 Judith’s smile is soft and knowing even at her tender age.  “Not really.”  

 “They gonna kiss again?”

 Lydia does the answering this time.  “Probably.”

 “Did the Brave Man kiss Mama all the time too?”  

 “He did,” Judith answers wistfully.  

 “Why?”  

 “It’s what two people that love each other do.”  

 The dancing twinkle in Carol’s blue eyes softens into something else altogether, something that although it makes Daryl’s cheeks flush pink in the glimmering firelight, he brings her hand to his mouth and presses the imprint of his smile to her palm.  “Hear that?”  

 “Ain’t telling me nothing I don’t know, Sweetheart.  Now ‘bout this ugly ass sweater…”  

 “Nobody else could pull it off as well as you do, Pookie.  Nobody.”  

[navegandoaciegas]

the love you deserve II

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (fem!reader)

Word Count: almost 3k, ops

Summary: “He’s Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s best friend. He was the guy at the Triskelion, they say he’s the one who killed JFK.”

It can’t be real. Your Jaime visits and plays with lonely, sickly kids in hospitals because he remembers what it was like growing up with his asthmatic, diabetic friend Steve. Whoever this Bucky guy is, he’s not your Jaime, your Jaime could never harm a fly. Your Jaime is good, he’s compassionate. Surely your friend must be wrong.

Warnings: soft!bucky, hurt!reader, angst, fluff, lying, cheating, drug use, alcohol consumption (including mentions of underage drinking), language that Steve Rogers wouldn’t approve of.

A/N: AU where Civil War and Thanos never happen, Tony forgives Bucky and he retires. This is my very first attempt at writing in English, I’m not a native speaker, so forgive me for any mistakes :)

This is part 2, please comment and reblog and let me know what you think of it :) feedback is always appreciated! I plan on writing at least another part, maybe two.

What do you think of the reader?

Part 1

The day before

Las Vegas, Nevada

Vegas is hot and dry as hell. It’s also a lot of fun, so the movies did not lie about that at least. They did exaggerate how fun the casinos would be tho.

You’re at a pool party, sipping on a drink, silently judging the moves of the sweaty people who are dancing around you.

You just got off a facetime call with Jaime, and god you miss him and Alpine too, but life is good and you’re the happiest you’ve ever been, your best friend is getting married to the man she loves and you’re having the time of your life with your girlfriends.

“So, you’re not having cold feet, are you?” you hear Hannah question Jade.

They’re basking in the sun around you.

Jade hesitates as she douses herself in sunblock.

“I gotta say I’m kind of scared but I’ve been dreaming about this for three years, so no? I guess. I don’t know. I love him.”

“That didn’t answer the question.” you observe.

“Are you sure you’re ready to commit to one dick only for the rest of your life?” Raven asks, and you all laugh and roll your eyes playfully.

Ever the commitaphobe, just like you. Well, like you used to be before you met Jaime.

You hate rush hour after work, you hate it so much in fact that you’d rather go to your work’s gym and workout even though you’re exhausted than catch a packed train.

By the time you get to the station most people are home already.

He’s here today.

You’ve seen him quite a lot in the past few weeks. The first thing you noticed about him is the way he seems to fold in on himself, his hunched shoulders and lowered head.

His bad posture aggravates you beyond reason, and you just wish you could go there and straighten his back without looking like a weirdo. But you can’t, so you just admire from afar like the good creep you are.

He’s always wearing a baseball cap over luscious but questionably greasy hair, huge winter jackets and leather gloves; still, underneath all that it’s clear he’s handsome. You always had a thing for men built like brick houses.

Today is the day, you think, today is the day I finally strike a conversation with the guy, it’s now or never.

Truth is, the loneliness he exudes breaks your heart and the way people avoid him like he’s got the plague enrages you for no particular reason. Somehow the ever indifferent New Yorkers would rather stand on a moving train than sit next to him, and that something about that that irks you way too much.

You really don’t understand why. Sure he’s intimidating, he’s a huge man, but he’s quiet and calm and he smiles softly when he spots a dog on the train. He gets off at same stop you do and no matter how isolate the station and the streets are by the time you get home, even if you two are the only ones there, you’ve never felt uneasy.

So you go and sit next to him, you smile when he looks up in surprise and you say hi.

He stutters an ‘evening ma’am’ and you’re proud of yourself because you’ve got it in you to made the big scary guy blush like a schoolgirl.

“Not to be a creep or anything but I’ve seen you around quite a lot, we commute together almost every day.” You chuckle and you introduce yourself.

“I uhm-” he’s cute when he furrows his brows “ I’m Jame- Jaime. I’m Jaime.”

You smile at the memory.

Jaime turned out to be a lot less shy than anticipated. He was a stuttering mess on the first few dates but the more you got to know him, the more he opened up to show his true sarcastic, snarky nature, whilst still being a gentle giant and an absolute sweetheart.

He’s thoughtful, cocky and sweet at the same time. He makes you melt in a puddle whenever he snuggles Alpine on the inside of his jacket, and the rumble of his voice is enough to make your brain short circuit and your panties dampen.

“There goes that look again, you’re such a love sick fool.”

“Oh God, you should see her when she’s with her precious Jaime, they literally have heart eyes, they’re so cute together it makes me sick to my stomach.”

You laugh and shake your head at Raven’s and Jade’s teasing.

“Hey, it’s not that bad, you should have seen yourself the day you met Matt, bitch, you looked like you’d never seen a man before. I ain’t forget.” you retort.

Hannah laughs and adds “When are we going to meet mystery man? It’s not fair that Jade only to got to see him. And word on the streets is that he’s real pretty.”

“When you three learn how to behave. But I can show you a picture, just please don’t be weird about it.” you finally relent after five months of avoiding the topic.

“He’s very, very hot ladies.” Jade quips.

You send her a side glance (goodnaturedly of course) and show them how pretty your sweet boy is.

Raven’s jaw goes slack as she clutches your phone and gawks at the picture.

“Lucky bastard, he’s literally the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, where did you find him and how did you convince him to be with you of all people?”

You laugh at Raven’s blunt remarks. They playful banter between the two of you has been going on since freshman year of college.

“Now I get why you have that dumb love struck face on you at all times.” Hannah adds.

Grace tho, she’s unusually quiet, and she stares at him with a scowl on her face. Her eyes travel slowly from your phone to your face, and the anticipation to know the reason why is killing you.

“Uhm, you’re dating him? And you said his name is Jaime?” she hesitates.

Whatever is going to come out of her mouth, you already know you’re not going to like it.

“Look, maybe I’m wrong and I’m mistaking him for someone else but I’m pretty positive I’m right and, ah” Another pause, you’re about to faint. “There’s no way to break it down to you in a way that won’t hurt but” she sighs “he’s lying to you.”

Ice fills your veins. You can feel dread crawling up your spine.

Is he someone else’s boyfriend? Are you the other woman or is he cheating on you? Is he a professional scammer?

“What the hell are you talking about Gracie?” Jade almost shouts, and you’re one heartbeat away from fainting.

Grace looks at you with all the pity in the world and you want nothing more than to erase that expression from her face.

“He’s Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s best friend. He was the guy at the Triskelion, they say he’s the one who killed JFK.”

The world around you stops spinning for a second as the ring in your ears get louder. You just wish the ground could open up and swallow you whole.

All of a sudden you start laughing hysterically like she’s told the funniest joke you’ve ever heard, you laugh so ugly that a few heads turn in your direction and give you funny looks, so loud that your friends are startled and even more worried.

Jaime, your sweet baby boy who adopted a three legged blind cat no one else at the shelter wanted to save him from being euthanized.

Jaime who volunteers at the VA with his pal Sam to help war vets reintegrate in society after they get back home, because he knows what it’s like to have your life turned around, to find yourself with no commands to obey all of a sudden and more trauma than you know what to do with. He knows what it is like to know no peace, to sleep a couple hours a week until you’re hallucinating so bad you’re begging the universe to just end your suffering.

It can’t be real. Your Jaime visits and plays with lonely, sickly kids in hospitals because he remembers what it was like growing up with his asthmatic, diabetic friend Steve.

Whoever this Bucky guy is, he’s not your Jaime, your Jaime could never harm a fly.

Your Jaime is good, he’s compassionate. Surely your friend must be wrong.

He goes grocery shopping for the elderly couple next door whose kids never visit, because they are too weak, too sick, too tired to leave the house.

“I’m sorry sweetie, it’s not your fault, you couldn’t have know.”

Grace hands you a phone, open on his Wikipedia page.

Jaime’s sky-blue eyes stare back at you.

You really let him play a number on you, didn’t you?

You feel a hot surge of blinding anger and you want to tear the world apart, you want to take Jaime- no, not Jaime, James and bitch slap him in the face so damn hard you convey the humiliation you’re feeling right now, knowing that the man you love and thought you knew lied to your face for five fucking months.

Did he ever consider coming clean, revealing his true identity?

Was he ever planning on telling you? Or would he move in with you, wake up and go to bed with you every day feeding you lies upon lies?

Would you end up married to a man that doesn’t exist and have kids with a ghost?

Grow old with a guy who said he was 33 but is actually 99?

Would he never get undressed in front of you? How was he planning on hiding is metal arm? Surely one day you’d be intimate and you would see it? The whole “I want to wait cause I’m old fashioned like that” would eventually need to stop.

Or maybe it wasn’t a serious relationship at all for him, not in the way it was for you. Not in the way you wanted to spend the rest of your days loving him and making him the happiest man alive. Not in the way you were ready to commit to him, body and soul, for all eternity.

Now the endearing terms he used to call you, his babydoll, his little doll, they taste bitter on your tongue.

A doll, literally. A little toy to play with and toss aside once he got bored of his little game.

Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to find out like this?

It reminds you of that time in your junior year of college, you were dating this guy back then, and you liked him, he was fun, the sex was good, he supported you in your endless hours of cheer practice.

One day he told you he was sick and couldn’t make it to your afternoon study date. That same night you ran into him at a frat party with his friends. Wasn’t so sick after all.

You broke up on the spot, shed a few tears while your teammates held you and moved on with your life with your head held high, because that’s what you’ve been doing all your life no matter how many curveballs the universe throws your way.

You vividly recall what hurt the most: the feeling of being lied to and toyed with. The hot humiliation that burns your cheeks and makes your eyes water when you realized you have yet again misplaced your trust. The inevitable question that plague you for days on end: what else did he lie about? How could I be so damn stupid?

His name was Tommy, and sometimes in the following years your first instinct when a man told you anything was to obsess over whether they were being honest or not. Until Jaime, that is, you trusted Jaime with your life, you would never question him, and look where that got you.

You’re aware you’re overthinking and maybe overreacting at this point, and that wailing in your own misery while your girlfriends are out having fun in a club is doing you no good, nor is it changing your current predicament. But you never listen to the voice of reason, and you won’t start today.

The room feels too hot and too cold at the same time.

You’re sweating but your body is shaking. You’re breathing but the air you inhale won’t reach your lungs. You’re blinking your eyes frantically but you only see darkness. You hear your own heart beat out of your chest.

It seems like the room you’re in is closing down on you and there’s no space left, you’re being crushed by those walls around you, you’re drowning, you’re suffocating.

Is this what heartbreak feels like, or is it just a heart attack?

Turns out it’s a panic attack, you know because you typed your symptoms on Google.

You are painfully aware you’re spiralling out of control.

Get a grip.

All you can think about is how you want him to suffer, you want him to feel the same humiliation you’re feeling right now. You want him to feel his chest compress, his throat tighten, you want him to know what it’s like when your heart is breaking in a thousand pieces and you can’t even breathe.

You want his world to come tumbling down on him and crush him under the weight of his mistakes.

You don’t care why he did it. You don’t give a single fuck about his reasons.

Because the truth is, no matter who he was in his past life, no matter how many he killed or tortured, you would have loved him all the same. You would have carried the weight of the world on your shoulders if it meant he could sleep soundly at night.

But he didn’t give you a chance to.

And because you never fucking think before you act, you put your best dress on a join the girls at the club they’re at, and you hope the tequila is going to drown your sorrow and dull the pain burning you from within.

Tonight you don’t want to feel anymore.

Four months ago.

Brooklyn, New York.

Every morning, Bucky wakes up at 5.30 am and joins Steve Rogers on his jog around the neighborhood, and every morning without failure Bucky is grumpy about it. He hates the early mornings, especially in the winter, but he can’t find it in himself to refuse Steve anything.

Steve is smart and too observing for his own good and he knows that something has changed. He knows it in the way Bucky’s steps are louder and bouncier, his back is straighter, his smile is easier, his eyes shine brighter.

He knows it because underneath the sandalwood scent of Buck’s deodorant and the musky smell of his sweat, he can sometimes detect the less pungent fragrance of coconut and peaches.

“So, who is she?”

The question catches him off guard. Bucky stops dead in his track and looks at his friend like a deer caught in the headlights.

“What, you thought I wouldn’t notice?”

At that he has the decency to blush.

“She’s- she’s perfect. I met her on the ride home from the shelter. ‘member when we were kids, we used to dream about the future? I swore I’d get myself a pretty wife and love her for the rest of my days and have a bunch of kids?”

“Yeah, I used to tell you you’d have to stop dragging me in those god awful double dates, or else you wouldn’t get any of those pretty girls to stick around.”

The two share a bittersweet smile as they reminisce how their life could have been.

“She’s pretty, you know, she’s sweet, she’s a bit of an asshole but the good kind, she’s so damn smart, you know all those science things I used to like before the war? She knows them all. She’s an engineer. I know my Ma would have approved of her, and Becca would have died to have her as a sister.”

“So why’s that long face?”

Bucky snorts.

Of course, how could Captain America understand? People don’t avoid him like he’s got some infectious disease, they don’t give him dirty looks, girls don’t cross the street when they see him, mothers with kids on their hips don’t cover their children as if he was the Boogeyman. “She didn’t recognize me, and well I- I can’t tell her. She wouldn’t want me, and I like her too much to mess this up.”

“Buck.” Steve gives him his best stern look. “You have to tell her, she has a right to know who she’s seeing. If she’s the one she’s going to love you all the same, but don’t lie to her. These secrets can only backfire in the long run. It’s going to ruin your relationship.”

Bucky nods absentmindedly and continues running without uttering another word.

No one could ever love his true self, he thinks bitterly. No one could help him carry the weight of his past on his shoulders.

If only he had known back then how right Stevie would be, he would have told you everything four months ago.

[mrsunderhill678]

Hehe, guess who wrote more shit? Well, it’s not shit, but uhhh... Yeet

“Hope for the future is just optimism based in dead realities.” - West Von Sparrow

“He's claimed me as a butcher would a carcass, he's bled me dry and left me ta hang on this hook. I have been flayed of my soul, of my flesh, of my fucking humanity, guess I should'a learned he who rolls against the house, never holds the damn die.” - West Von Sparrow

“You may be a monster, but I'm just a little less than human, and that's what makes me, dangerous." - West Von Sparrow

“It's the break of a new dawn, and though the dusk took my last sunrise, I ain't giving in, cause after all, the sun doesn't rise only once. So when the night comes, just remember, bravery gets you through the night, love gets you through the day.” - Delilah Coraline

“It's beautiful, isn't it? When you find someone to share your world with?” - Evangeline Frights

“Guess I'm an oaf that's seen some shit, but so long as I'm her oaf, I bet I'll be fine.” - Crane Hemmington

“I haven't been in the trenches, but blood spilled is a war in of itself, thing is, you become the enemy.” - Crane Hemmington

“Everything that is yours, can just as easily be mine, possession of self is all you have, and even that can be taken.” - Ballith Greedpaw

“Life is the most precious thing to steal, is it not? Not only do you steal a life, but the joy the memories of the poor bloke you slew held in those who loved him's mind.” - Ballith Greedpaw

“Greed is such a twisted thing, and I suppose that is why I am tangled.” - Ballith Greedpaw

“If you want to speak in the language of what haunts you the most, you'll find yourself speaking the tongue of your mind.” - Damon Watkinson

“I, can do whatever I want, cause in a game with no consequences, why would I choose to lose? You don't reach the end of the checkerboard without the words, "King me," rolling off your tongue. You don't trap the other player's King without saying "Checkmate," so why would I get this far just to say, "Sorry?" - Damon Watkinson

“I have seen the truth, and a thousand lies, and perhaps, I am nothing more than one of the thousand.” - Damon Watkinson

“Our love is magical in the sense that it is beautiful in all it's simplicity and complexity.” - Gracie Hangers

“Life's been a struggle, of black eyes and bloody knuckles, the betrayal of false love and hopes, but whenever my heart falters and threatens to stop, I look into the eyes of my children, and find a reason to fight.” - Camille Trueblood

“I thought I fell in love, when all I really did was tumble off the fucking cliffside. God, I dived into those waters so willingly, drowned for a man who doesn't God damn care. All he's ever been is a false promise, and I guess those hurt more than lies, don't they? Lies are so easy to catch, but a false promise of love is so seductive, especially for a girl with... Nothing. All I had was my heart, and I guess he took that too.” - Jenna Coleburg

“The sun always fades into the night, you're guaranteed to spend some of your days in darkness, but that ain't what matters. What matters, is that you fight through it, and come out God damn smiling. It's what I did, ain't the strongest man of all, the one that comes out of hell still smiling? Or perhaps, the one who walks into hell, smiling.” - Carter Gariah-Smith

“I was swung from the gallows for sumthin' I never would'a done.” - Carter Gariah-Smith

“Just because something is damaged, don't mean it can't deal some.” - Carter Gariah-Smith

“Funny, huh, how in these thirty odd years of mine, I knew her for three, and if you think about it, those were the only three years I lived.” - Avelice Bevelriks

“I lost everythin', really, Sandy, my darling wife, she was my rope, and I guess ever since she snapped I just been floatin. It's cold in these hands of mine, these memories of her. I'm tryin' so desperately ta hold onta em, but they're slippin, they are. Her smile, her laugh, it's all faded. Don't even remember the sound of her heart no more. Though... I can still see her, in my daughter. Her eyes, her laugh, hell, even her smile or the way she sits. Sometimes it's hard lookin' at my daughter, some days it's like I'm lookin' back at Sandy's ghost.” - Casimiro Boeheken

“I've seen the devil's dreams, where young men die by young men's hands, where boys turn ta men and mothers ta widows.” - Casimiro Boeheken

 “Got a noose round my neck, and the floorboards are creakin' underneath me. Either I can cut the rope, or let them floorboards give way, cause either way, I'm free.” - Casimiro Boeheken

“Everything we do has a song, a melody, a voice. And I can hear the song in his smile, harps and echoes of angels, but I can hear the tinge of pain that haunts him.” Marinda Weathers

“I live to love, I live to lift up those around me and tell them, "You're strong, you're brave, and God, are you beautiful, live life like a butterfly, flutter those wings and fly. Because life is short, and you, are loved." - Marinda Weathers

“Day in day out, I fight, I win, and I move on. That's life, these days. Days pass, but I don't.” - Garret Weathers

“Everyone loves the angel with broken wings, huh? Cause they fight the hardest to get their wings back, only to realize, they're the savior of nothing, and they're ripping their own damn wings.” - Garret Weathers

“We can fight the dark, punch it square in the jaw and tell it to back off, cause the dark's only got place in our life when it's lightin' up the stars, and we ain't here to stay in the shade.” - Bob Weathers

“He who won't accept all of ya, don't accept ya at all. The bravest thing you can ever do is be you in the face of the man who hates ya.” - Bob Weathers

“My lullaby sings of secrets I cannot possibly understand, and my heart plucks the chords of joys forgotten and tragedies resurfaced, such a melancholy tune, this melody of my scars.” - Beatrice

“It's like Amethyst and Wanda are my lighthouse, constantly guiding me home. Even if I'm drowning I can see their light from underneath the waves.” - Gracie Ace

“Perhaps I ain't got no stars leadin' the way, but I got my heart givin' me direction. Sure, it's scarred, and God is it battered, but it's flutterin' them wings with everythin' it's got, and me? I'm still pumpin', blood's still coursin' through my veins, so I'm alive, and by every God, I'm fuckin' kickin.” - Crystal Bones

“It's kill or be killed, and I guess we just ain't dyin.” - Alfred Godsel

“In the eyes of many, I'm a hero, but in my eyes, all I see is a man with a gun, who pulled a trigger, and ended a life, but still somehow managed to make the most egregious of sins look like a hero's doin. How the hell did we manage to make spillin' blood somethin' noble?” - Alfred Godsel

“I've lost a lot, but I'll save my grievin' for the livin', for those who've managed to die before they ever hit the dirt.” - Alfred Godsel

“They say dead men tell no tales, but when I come knocking, oh, you'll be wishing that was true, you can pray to every god you know, but that won't save you, no one can. Because he who you silenced, have ripped the stitches from their mouth and out tumbled your secrets, right into my ear.” - Celestia Cloven

“At first I thought it a curse, the whispers of the dead, but not anymore... Not anymore. They speak to me their secrets only so they may find rest, and so he who wrought him demise, may be brought what they deserve. And I, am what they deserve.” - Celestia Cloven

“Belief can be either beautiful, or oppressive, it's up to the morals of the man who believes to create the damn definition.” - Jakobi Warcoat

“Until the fires of this revolution swallow us whole we will shout, we will cry and weep, cause freedom ain't so quietly taken away.” - Jakobi Warcoat

“You wanna kill us, go ahead? Show us just exactly who, you, are. Cause we already know, all yer doin' by killin' us, is provin' us God damn right.” - Jakobi Warcoat

“I've been running all night, trying to find myself, but sometimes I feel... Lost. But maybe that's not a bad thing, you know? The lost boys found a purpose in Neverland, after all.” - Gayle Flint

“I've got scars, and God do they show, the markings of a lonely child lie on my wrist, and they hardly compare to the ones in my heart and my mind.” - Emma Flockheart

 “If a warrior isn't a woman who's been through hell but came out a better person, than I don't know what is.” - Emma Flockheart

“My father was the one who built the crumbling pillars of my heart anew, but now, without him, I'm crumbling, God, I'm crumbling.” - Juno

“Some days, I feel perfectly comfortable in my body, and other days it feels like a cage and I wish I could just scratch at my skin until I tore my way out.” - Juno

 “No matter where you run, or where you hide, your mind gives you up to your demons every fucking time.” - Juno

“You can't explain love, just feel it, and trust it.” - Lynsey Aldallen

“You have the strength of a thousand lions, you shed your mane, and traded it for the hunt, and as you were always meant to, you led the pride, with your claws and your strength, the remnants of your mane fluttering behind you. And that's beautiful, to be brave and vulnerable all at once.” - Lynsey Aldallen (For context, she’s talking about her sister, who’s trans)

“My mother rescued me, I rescued her, she's my hero, but sometimes, we have to fight for our heroes, because their strength falters. And when it does, it's up to us to save them.” - Lexie Rebhan

“I'm already swingin', I reckon, these gallows were made for selfish men like me, I imagine everyone'll cheer. All hail! All hail! The wicked man is dead, strung by his neck, payin' for his sins with the devil. It's damn well the fate a man like me deserves.” - Ron Jameson

“So oh gravedigger, vengeful angel of death, put me down as you would a wolf wearin' the single dead sheep's wool in the flock, watch me bleed. Cause that's what I did to you. I caused you're pain, I caused mine, just be lucky you don't have to live with me... Cause I do.” - Ron Jameson

 “I was born to be damned, as they say, they speak of me in such terrible ways, history is written by the victors, the patrons, the saints, never by she who made it.” - Selena Wolfmoon

“All who burned me at the stake only had to live with themselves, but I, I have to live with the actions of every single one of them, and, worst of all, I have to live with my death. The scalding of my flesh and the charring of my bones, the screams of my two daughters still haunt me. They way Eldridge begged and howled, or how Autumn cursed at those who damned her. And all I could do was howl in grief as we burned away, but I imagine we were lost, just as tears in the rain or stars upon the waking of the sun.” - Selena Wolfmoon

“I like to say I'm tough, but it ain't because 'a what I look like on the outside, but who I am on the inside. You could be strong as all shit and still be a weak man. All you ever gotta do ta be weak, is push another down, and all it takes ta be strong, is helpin' a man up.” - Elwood Sparrvitz

“I 'ave been made anew by the love I been showed and given, my heart no longer beats 'a regret and pain, but for my lovely wife and children. Cause if your heart don't beat for no one, what's life worth?” - Elwood Sparrvitz

“To be completely divine is as inhuman as it is to be entirely damned, entirely broken or whole, we are never one hundred percent, we are many pieces, smelling of ash and smoke, and the fire that created it.” - Diaze Calico

“Savagery suits her like a well tailored suit, or a ball gown on the most royal of queens. She is savagery, she wears blood like wine on her teeth, and your pain like the finest of shawls, and in the end, she shall wear that shawl of your scars and dance before you in it, she shall make a mockery of your death, for that's all you ever were.” - Diaze Calico

“You can believe that hell is not where you'll go, but that's the greatest lie the devil ever spun, that there was an option other than her, that there was a loving God watching us.” - Diaze Calico

“The wicked doth not sleep, they doth not live, only breathe this blood on their breath.” - Diaze Calico

“Out of all this pain I've been through, I've found that even if bullets had flown that day, and planes had been torn from the sky on burning wings, it was in my sleep, when my mind was at rest, that I felt the most bloody chaos.” - Duke Benson

“I should've died the day a bullet pierced me fucking skull, but all that's left is this scar on the Earth known as Duke bloody Benson.” - Duke Benson

“I'd ask for a prayer or an amen if I thought it'd saved our damned souls, but a single prayer won't save a man who's sinned.” - Duke Benson

“A prayer won't save a man who's lost his fucking faith.” - Duke Benson

“With a foe as cruel as myself, I was bound to bloody lose.” - Duke Benson

“Bury me six feet deep, mate, deeper if you can, because I am a soldier, a sinner, a beast, not a bloody man.” - Duke Benson

“Reckon me 'ands are as stained as the soil wifin' da trenches.” - Angel Benson

“Inside me is a boilin' angah, at da world, at dis pain, myself and anyone in point blank range. I imagine me angah's shot me point blank, left the man I was fokin' bleedin', dead from a single shot.” - Angel Benson

“I've always condemned what I can't fokin' understand. So if I fear meself, wot does that make me, aye?” - Angel Benson

“You know wot's fokin' funny? You don't 'ave ta fight in it, ta be bloody broken by it. You could be livin' untarnished boi it, next thing you know, a soldier's knockin' on your fokin' door. War breaks all. They who fight, and they who bloody don't.” - Angel Benson

“Raise a glass ta da sinner full 'a anger, raise a glass for the poor bastards and blokes war touched, cause all who 'ave known her embrace 'ave known pain no loving God could create. But never, mate, NEVER, raise a glass, to the bloody Bensons.” - Angel Benson

“When I'm finally in da dirt, where I belong, da world will keep spinnin', the sun will rise again, as it shall sink, and though it may rain, da world won't weep a single fuckin' tear, for da man known as Jerry Benson, cause mate, why should it?” - Jerry Benson

“Us soldiers, we're cheered for, celebrated, but dey care only for da actions, not for da man.” - Jerry Benson

“As I've learned, 'e who tastes death will find dat da aftertaste is an eternal stain on one's tongue. Da tang of iron and blood is all dey'll ever fuckin' know.” - Jerry Benson

“God created us to love 'im, and expected us ta be more selfless den he.” - Jerry Benson

“War don't change a man, no, it kills him, and replaces the soldier with itself.” - Mordakai Benson

“He who runs with the wolves is bound ta be ripped inta the moment he stops runnin', no wonder there's blood on my teeth.” - Mordakai Benson

“War don't give a damn who you are, what kinda pain you been through, it'll putcha through more while promisin' glory! That's the picture they paint. Soldiers woopin' for victory and glory for all who fight, but they always forget he who catches the fuckin' bullet.” - Mordakai Benson

“The only thing you and I got in common is that we were made by God, difference is, I was forgotten by him.” - Mordakai Benson

“Don't raise no glass for this soldier, don't pour no wine on my casket, cause I'm the lamb that strayed from the flock, only ta learn he always wore a wolf's fur.” - Mordakai Benson

“I’m one dead dream away from blasphemy.” - Calliger Cougar  

“They say life is short, Tommy, that it goes by in the blink of an eye, so why ain't we fucking dead yet? I blinked a hundred times, and I'll blink a hundred times more. Cause no matter what they say, it don't go by in the span of a blink, or like a bullet speedin' through the air. It's slow, and God damn miserable, this here ward is proof of that.” - Ben Stilts

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#29)

5x06! The theme of this episode for me is: Maybe Billy and Mindy Are Gonna Be Okay Parents After All!!

all the feels under the cut:

Lol whenever it’s a Luke episode they start in church.

Who else is at church? Let’s see: Julie’s back looking like she wants to Die, and Buddy Jr. fell asleep; Vince and Jess look adorable side by side in the pew.

“Eric Taylor: Kingmaker.” Lol Tami’s reaction is correct: “Kingmaker? Jesus Christ.”

Yeeeesh Julie trying to explain why she’s home from college is soooo cringe.

“What a good lookin couple” @ Julie and Buddy Jr. like they’re five year olds like nooo absolutely not! don’t do that to Julie, Buddy.

Every time Vince’s dad is here I’m so anxious bc I’m truly just waiting for him to break Vince’s heart again!

Omg the mayhem in the Riggins home when Tim calls, between Mindy and Becky and Billy! And omg Mindy sitting on Becky’s legs to keep her from getting up to try to say hi to Tim. Awww they all miss him so much—as do I!

Oh god and now an old enemy is here to press Vince for FIVE Gs???

Julie looks so cute trying to head back to school but I’m scared for her! She has a difficult situation she’s driving back to...if she is actually driving back to college!

Omgggg she just purposefully crashed the car to keep from having to go back???? FUCK, destructive behavior!!!

Aw I’m glad Vince is confiding in Jess about the money but...what are they gonna do 😭

Oh poor Luke, TMU wasn’t interested in him after all! I can see he’s gonna spiral.

Really, they’re all holding the Eric Taylor magazine in the bleachers? Lol

Oh shit the branding themselves thing made it back to the coaches?? TOO MUCH

“It’s every coach’s dream to experience the highest form of idiocy they can muster. And gentlemen, collectively us coaches, we are living our dreams.” Lmaooooooo

Ugh Julie isn’t telling Tami anything about school 🤦🏻‍♀️ “what’s going on?” TAMI KNOWS. Oh god making her promise to not freak out when she’s about to tell her mom she fucked a married TA.

“She slapped me in front of everyone, the whole dorm. I can’t go back there and I don’t know what to do.” Ugh Tami is a good parent for listening pretty non judgmentally considering the subject matter.

Ugh Eric being angry af and asking how old he is, same! “I’m gonna go up there and kick his ass! Who is up there messing around with students, with my damn daughter? One of the TAs?” CORRECT GO OFF ERIC

“Honey, our daughter is destroyed right now. That’s what we need to focus on.” also true ugh they’re such a good partnership

Ugh Eric immediately knowing she wrecked the car on purpose. He’s right and aw Tami doesn’t believe it.

“Maybe i should go traveling.” Uh Julie gurl no you should not! You’re making lots of bad choices and Tami is right, you need to take some responsibility for it!

“I just don’t get why I couldn’t talk to Tim for five minutes.” “Omg Becky because it’s a prison and not a dorm.” Correct, Mindy.

Omg dying at Mindy basically saying “I think you need to have some sex so you’ll stop lusting after a man in prison who is just your friend.” Love this scene of them shopping together!

Is Eric leaving early bc of Julie reasons or football reasons? I think Julie.

“Did you know he was married and had a wife?” Yeah I’d be as hurt as Eric is rn too.....bc she did that! ugh cheating is so awful

Oooooh Vince gave the guy that partial payment and stood up for himself...I’m scared for him! Ah!

“Our daughter slept with another man’s husband.” As someone who’s dad is a dirty cheater, I feel Eric’s disappointment but Tami is right that she needs y’all!

Luke is mad at Vince now. Well fook. They had just buried the hatchet and Vince didn’t know about the TMU bait and switch! This recruiting culture is so toxic.

Oh fuck no this dude is threatening and harassing Jess instead of Vince???? Omg he’s threatening to burn down the bbq joint?! Oh god

Awww Billy tearing up while watching old game tape of Tim’s, my heart🥺

Oh god belligerent Luke is here for Becky now. Billy really is growing up, realizing Luke is drunk and pulling him inside to keep him from driving WOW

Awww the baby in the landing strip dressing room with Becky, what a cute image.

Good point, Billy! “Were you thinking about scholarships when you were playing football at eight years old?”

Oh and he’s letting out a war cry?? Lol “I may have been the smallest guy in my team but I had heart.” Billy’s little speeches are starting to stack up.

Did Vince almost go to Eric but come to his dad instead? Ruh roh!

“Used to be Kennard wasn’t nothing but a little corner boy.” Is this a Wire reference? Lol bc very good one if so.

Oh shitttt this scene of Eric and Tami trying to get Julie to go to college is A LOT. 😭

Fuck! Eric hasn’t shown up to the game bc of this Julie thing, it’s really tearing him up!

Oh wow is this gonna be a Big Moment for Billy leading the team out?

“It’s Friday night in our house.” Oh here we go another Billy Riggins original!

And here’s Eric listening to Billy’s speech! Billy Becomes A Man

“It’s a good job.” Eric says. wow he got that approval! Billy really made it!

“Who you are on that field tonight is who you’re gonna be for the rest of your life, fellas.” And a classic Eric Taylor speech too as they walk out onto the field!

I knew Vince’s dad was gonna confront this dude himself and not actually call in favors. Oh shit he beat the SHIT out of Kennard, I see what they said about him being the king of the block before....the fact that his dad is beating the shit out of Kennard on the other side of the fence as where Vince is playing! DAMN.

Two types of dads in Dillon, huh? Geez!

Yay Luke puts the ball in the lil case at the bar for this game! Maybe things are looking up.

“I’m gonna take credit for everything you did tonight and I’m gonna live off that for awhile.” Wow am I actually proud of Billy’s ability to mentor Luke? Growth.

“By the time we’re done we’re gonna get you a scholarship anywhere you wanna go in the country.” My heart

Ooh and Mindy is playing match maker with Luke and Becky still!

You’re still not over Tim Riggins, Becky??? Mindy making sure that Becky isn’t waiting on Tim getting out of prison is actually a very good move. Oh shit and she’s pulling Luke from her husband over to Becky!!! “You’re both young and hot and you both need to get laid.” Love that she told them to screw like bunnies but made sure to mention protection! So funny.

(Lol Luke being so flustered and saying he promises he didn’t tell Mindy to say that, so cute! I’m dead.)

“You ain’t gotta worry about nothin. Just play football, do what you do.” Oh boy I do NOT believe that. Jess and Vince’s families eating pie together is way too nice, it’s gonna have to be messed up soon I’m assuming!

Damn Vince’s dad talking about how much prison sucks hits hard. “You’re sad all the time and you don’t know if you’ll ever be happy again.” Yep! Maybe prisons don’t actually help people rehabilitate themselves but just disappear social problems and make them worse!

Awww Gracie is so cute and sleepy and Eric’s thinking, hey at least you didn’t fuck someone’s husband yet LOL

“I didn’t mean to disappoint you.” oh Julie! Not just me who got that vibe! Yes we are all sadly very disappointed!

cc @lockitin @iconic-ponytail

[mightyfineblog]

Mob!AU Bohemian Rhapsody fan fiction

(Joe, Gwilym, Rami and Ben x Reader)

Summary:You’re just a simple girl, who happens to be in the wrong place in the wrong time. Your life gets a complete turnaround when you are sucked into the mob world of guns, violence, death and no mercy. You have to learn their ways if you want to stay alive, but will that help when you meet the Don? The boss of all mob bosses?

Words: 7k+ Warnings: lots of strong language, mature themes, graphic violence, graphic death, weapons, contraband  ; Smut and kinks; some slowburn moments.

Who’s who:

Ben - The Gun

Joe - Mad Joe

Gwilym - The Brains

Rami - Nitro

Manchini - rival gang leader

and you (the reader) of course!

A/n: Please, leave me any kind of feedback if you liked the story. I am grateful for criticism, recommendations, ideas, everything. So you if got something you want to say, or just stop by and say hi. I’m always here for you. <3

Now, to the fanfic, here is one bloody long fanfiction. Enjoy:

“I’m going to need somebody to cover the delivery tonight. Make sure everything runs smooth. Can’t trust ‘em Manchini’s.” Ben took a puff and tapped his cigarette in the overflowing ashtray.

“I’ll take it, boss. In a need of some distraction anyway. One Manchini down could do me some good.” Joe stood  up energetically from the table.

“Mad Joe.” Ben’s  was voice warningly stern.

“Accidental explosions happen...” Joe lifted his arms in the air playfully.

“Just make sure, the shipment is in line.” Ben quirked his left eyebrow.

“Toodles” Joe waved his hand over the shoulder leaving the room.

The rest of the men stood there in silence until they finished their smokes.

“It’s just a lot on his head right now.” Gwilym spoke first.

“He’s doing pretty damn well, considering… well everything.” Rami shook his head.

“Yeah.” Ben nodded with his lips pressed together. “He better get through this sooner than later.”

“It’s been less than a month. Give him some more time. Go easy on him.” Gwilym tried to convince Ben.

“Can’t you see than I am?” Ben muttered through gritted teeth. “Just. Go after him. Make sure he won’t shoot somebody for whatever reason.” Ben exhaled deeply rubbing his eyebrows.

“Alright.” Gwilym agreed and left the room as quickly as possible.

“You look like you need a drink boss.” Rami taped Ben on the shoulder. He nodded in response.

“I’ll meet you down at the club. Need to take care of something first.” Ben lit another cigarette.

Rami left the room, leaving Ben alone on the round table. He sat there staring into the nothing until his smoke was halfway finished. Exhaling a heavy breath he took a few slow steps to the old cabinet.

“That should do it.” He stated, as if he was debating with himself.

Ben took a bottle of a 12 year old MacAllan. He looked at it. But then put it back.

Disposing of another smoke, he took his leather jacket and swiftly put it on. Making his way through the car park, he sat in his car and started the engine.

“We’re all getting revenge for her. Don’t you worry, Joe.”  he muttered with his knuckles white on the steering wheel. As he was passing by THE place where less than a month ago they all lost a beloved one to the hand of a rival.  

“Took ya long enough.” Rami gave Ben a cheeky smile, as he found himself on the bar with two girls hanging around his neck “The party’s started.”

“I see you’ve been” Ben quirked a brow and checked out the two hot chicks in Rami’s arms “Quite occupied.” he gave him a half smirk.

“This is Cindy and this is Mindy.” Rami pointed one and then the other girl. “So?”

“‘I’m going to get a drink.” Ben tapped his hands on the bar.

“Boss.” Rami slid off the girls and came closer to Ben, who gave him half look without turning his head his direction.

“You alright, boss?” rami put his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Come on.” he prompted him.

Ben ticked his tongue and shook his head.

“Come on man. Loosen up a bit. When was the last time you got laid?” Rami’s tipsy figure was far less entertaining than he thought.

“Since when do keep Me in check?” Ben gritted his teeth annoyingly.

“Was just tryna lighten you up. You know. You keep saying Joe is doing bad, but it’s you man. It’s you.” rami waved his finger in the air and left to join the girls.

“Pff.” Ben huffed and took a sip of the whiskey in front of him.

“Guess the old fella gots a point here. Might need to tap something tonight. To get it out of my system.” Ben said to himself. He turned and looked around. The bar was full. Full of pretty women.

Maybe Ben was trying too hard to stay afloat, to keep his tough leader presence, but deep down he knew the accident affected him. It affected him in ways he didn’t want him to.

The urge to avenge his sister’s death was great. It was like a never ending fire burning him from the inside, and every past day was only fueling that fire.

There was nothing else on the back of his mind, in fact he realised it really has been all that time. So unlikely. Ben usually tapped the hottest chicks, and he barely ever repeats them, but one. A dancer in the club, named Gracie. All the other girls were always jealous, because she casually is called up to the boss’s penthouse above the club, which Ben owns as well. In fact, the club is just a masquerade, to cover for his mob work. Everybody knew that. And everybody always kept a close eye on how long she has been to the penthouse. “Don’t be jealous, ladies.” Ben would wink to the rest of the women, when he would return shortly after to the bar.

He finished his drink and snapped his fingers to the bartender, pointing where Gracie was dancing tonight. He nodded as Ben turned around at pressed his lips together, overlooking at her, as she hungrily made her way to him.

“Boss.” she giggled, tracing the collar of his shirt.

“What have I told you about such behaviour in public?!” he grabbed her wrist.

“But, don’t you want me anymore?” She pouted her lips like a slut.

“I do. You’re coming upstairs.” Ben dragged her with him to the elevator.

Less than an hour later Gracie went back to her usual spot, but Ben didn’t follow. Instead, he opted for the balcony. He observed the night sky and the glimmering skyline from the top. The large apartment suddenly seemed so empty and vast. Ben felt so lonely and in this particular moment, not even his usual fuck couldn’t help it. Instead of closing in even more, Ben decided to check on Gwil and Joe and their task.

“Hey boss.”  

“Don’t you hey me, how the divelry going on? Any men down?”

“Pff, no. Everything’s under control now.”

“That doesn’t sound much in control. Is that a woman's screams I’m hearing?”

“What? Noo. Yes.”

“Cant fucking trust neither of you. Comin over.”

Ben shut the phone down. It was exactly what he needed. An actual distraction. Work.

He threw on a shirt and headed straight to the underground parking, skipping the bar on the way.

When he got to the docks,  Ben was less than surprised to find Joe and Gwilym behind a huge crate.

“What kind of weird, twisted game are you two playin? Why the hell you have a woman, tied up and gagged?” Ben rubbed his temple.

“We can explain it all. Let’s just take her and leave this place, asap. I hear cops.” Joe was frantically in a rush.

“Why the cops are coming? What about the shipment? Did it go through?” Ben muttered.

“It did, everything happened almost according to plan. We gotta get the fuck out.” Gwilym explained. Joe tossed youl over his shoulder and the three men vanished in thin air, as the police sirens were approaching.

“Keep her in the warehouse, you two have some explaining to do.” Ben ordered.

Once they arrived at the warehouse, Joe was quick to shove the girl inside and put her in one of the rooms.

“Looking so hot like this.” He bit his lip, as he examined Gwilym’s handiwork on tying you up with whatever kind of rope was available.

“Let me go!” you spat at his face “At once!” “Sorry dear, but whoever you are, you are now part of something serious. Only boss can decide your faith.” Joe put a strand of hair behind your  ear, but you took the change to try biting him.

Joe turned around and locked the room behind him. “Feisty”he thought.

“Listening.” Ben crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“She saw it all.” Gwilym rubbed his forehead.

“Saw what exactly?” Ben rolled his eyes.

“Everything. We saw her when we were covering our tracks.” Joe looked like he admitted defeat.

“We obviously cannot let her go, just like that. She’s going straight to the cops.” Ben put his arms on the table.

“I’ll decide what to do with her tomorrow. Keep her on lockdown for now.” Ben lit a smoke and left.

“Great.” Gwilym waved his hands ironically in the air.

“Oh no man. I ain’t stayin all night watching over some girl. You do.” Joe warningly moved past Gwilym.

“Oh no no. That is on you. You’re staying!.” Gwilym nodded his head.

“You’re the smart one, you think of something. I’m done here for today.” Joe stated.

‘Okay, go. I’ll keep an eye.” Gwilym shooed him out of the room.

For the rest of the night you stayed in that room, tied up and scared. You couldn’t show that of course, because, well you knew exactly what these men were. Gangsters, you realised. You’ve only heard of those in movies. But, you knowledge wasn’t enough for you to know how to get away alive.

First thing the next morning, Gwilym, Rami and Joe were at the round table. They were all looking at each other. The tension could be felt even outside the room.

“Why Is there a woman in my lockdown? Let’s start with that!” Ben barged in and hit the table with his wrist.

“How about you calm down first, okay?” Rami felt irritated by Ben’s tone.

“Don’t you tell me. You were getting laid while all this happened.” Ben pointed at Rami, who uncomfortably shrug in his seat.

“Aight aight.” He crosses his arms and pressed his lips together.

“What is done is done, she’s always seen enough to sell us to the cops.” Joe stood up.

“You know the options, boss.” Gwilym looked up to Ben and slowly shook his head from side to side.

“There’s two way she is leaving this warehouse.” Joe’s voice went low.

“With a fun, or in a coffin.” Ben sighed. “I’ll go talk to her and then I’m putting her down.” He made a quick exist.

“He’s not himself.” Rami put his hands down on the table.

“We all need time, Nitro.” Joe huffed and left too.

“I’m going for a drink.” Gwil quickly left too.  

Ben walked into the room where you were locked. You had finally falling asleep from all the exhaustion, so you didn’t hear anybody coming in. Ben walked over the bed and sat on the chair. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and took a minute to gather his thoughts. He looked you up and down from head to toe. “Looks so innocent.” he muttered quietly He cocked his head to the side and quirked an eyebrow. He flicked his tongue over his lips and exhaled. The corner of his lip almost curled into a half smile at the look of your casual short floral dress. It was yellow. It reminded Ben of his sister. She used to wear those all the time.

“Hey. Hey. Wake up.” he reached for your shoulder, making you jump all of a sudden. “Calm down. Gonna need you yo talk.” Ben stood off the chair.

You gulped and rose as much as you could. Your hands were still tied. Ben look from your face to your wrists and back and untied them.

“Aaagh.” you rubbed your wrists together.

“Who are you and what you were doing at the docks last night?” Ben brought his chair closer to you.

“I.I dont know anything. I swear!” You looked at the man’s feet. He was dressed more elegant than the others you already met.

“What did you see?” his voice remained calm.

“N-nothing. I swear to god.” You felt your eyes water at the thought of what they are going to do to you.

“Why don’t you start by, why you were there?” Ben was starting to get irritated.

“Was just, having a walk.”

“Now, tell me, really, why you were there.” Ben crossed his arms in front of his chest, again.

“My boyfriend left me.” you rolled your eyes and looked down.

“Hey.” Ben lifted your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye. This was the first time, you looked at his face. It looked almost angelic, but tough at the same time. His green eyes, were like the devil. Beautiful, but dangerous. His lips were small but plump and they were bright raspberry color, so inviting, yet so rough.

“Were you abused?” Ben broke the silence.

You shook your head “It wasn’t like that. I ran away…” your eyes fell to the floor once again.

“I see.” Ben stood up and made a few steps around the small room. He rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair.

“The thing is. I cannot let you go. Under no circumstance, you are leaving here, free.”

“I won’t tell anybody, I won’t tell no cops, nobody. Please, just let me leave.” you pleaded.

“You either join my gang, or stay locked in forever.” Ben pointed his index finger in the air.

“You have until tomorrow to decide.” He stated and locked the door behind him.

“We got nothing to loose.” Rami looked optimistic.

“Nitro’s right. With the Manchini situation, this could be a sign. A good sign.” Gwilym was enthusiastic.

“Aye from me.” Joe raised his hand.

“So it’s decided. She might prove useful after all.” Ben agreed.

“And I know just exactly how.” Gwilym waved his finger in the air.

“Listenin’ Brains.” Joe shifted in his seat, adjusting the table.

“I got intel, that Paolo Manchini is going to be at the Rossario this Thursday night, aaand he likes the company of attractive women.” Gwilym’s face formed a wide grin.

“And, I prefer not to risk any of my women with the task, they’re far too valuable to loose in such a pathetic way.” Ben nodded.

“We get her all dressed up, wire her up, and she can do the rest. Easy peasy!” Rami exclaimed.

“Whoa, not so fast, Nitro. Mad Joe, whatcha thinkin?” Ben looked at Joe.

“All in for the idea. We got nothing to loose. She gets shot, not problemo; she does what she’s told and doesn’t get shot, all perfetto.” Joe stated.

“Good. Brains, get the tech ready. Mad Joe, I want to see numbers, and Nitro, make sure she’s not in there, when we blow the place up. I will take care of the rest.” Ben stood from the table.

“Been waiting for this, for god knows how many months now.” Joe cracked his knuckles, while papers were coming out of the printer. “Hello offshore bank accounts.”

“Somebody might even think you have gone mad.” Rain laughed as he passed by Joe.

“Damn right. Look at this baby.” joe handed him one of the papers.

“Sexy.” Rami ticked his tongue.

“Pretty marvellous, isn’t she?” Joe smirked.

“And what are we going to do with this and the rest of your smuggled accounts?” Rami ran his finger over the pile of folders.

“Precaution, of course. It’s all legal.” Joe lifted his arm.

“Why so much this time?” Rami suspiciously lifted one eyebrow.

“Boss wants to make sure.” Joe nodded, obviously he wasn’t allowed to say.

“Alright. Toodles for now.” Rami turned on his heel.

“Bye.” Joe buried himself in his desk again.

“And Joe, don’t got batshit crazy.” Rami knocked on the doorframe before leaving.

“Can’t promise that, mate.” Joe shouted from behind the fortress of paperwork.

“Hey.” Ben entered your room “You ready to talk? Made your choice.”

“Yes.” You seemed to have gained some confidence in the last couple of days being held hostage there, only, nobody was looking for you. Which, kind of made you a permanent hostage.

“Listen, girl. I don’t have all day. Talk.” Ben commanded, almost hurrying to leave.

“You need me, so I heard.” You perked your nose up.

“Huh.” Ben huffed and licked his lips.

“I will help you, but with a few conditions.” You stated.

“Not like you got a choice.” Ben grabbed your wrist, vanishing all confidence from your body.

“You belong to this gang now. You are our hostage. You belong to my men. You...” Ben came extremely close to your face “Belong to me now.”

His bright green eyes were full of darkness and power, lust you might even say. You didn’t know if you were scared or almost aroused by his stern actions.

“Ouch. Let go of me.” You wriggled, trying to free your wrist from his grip. You had to break the,  is he going hurt you or kiss you, kind of moment, because the tension was electrical. The seconds between him letting go of you felt like a million years.

“You know why they call me The Gun?” Ben gritted his teeth.

You gulped, but couldn’t dare to speak.

“Because I resolve issues with it. And you seem like quite the trouble right now.” Ben licked his bottom lip and cocked his head to the side.

You batted your eyelashes and pressed your lips together, because you weren’t in the position to object. If you wanted to stay alive of course.

“You’ll be given instructions tonight on what to do during your mission.” Ben turned around and shut

the door behind his back.

“Damn it.” You muttered under your nose.

“She’s trouble, boss.” Gwilym scathed his beard.

“No shit Sherlock!” Ben faked a surprised face.

”No need for that Ben.” Joe walked in.

“What do we need then?” Ben huffed.

“Give her good training, that will break her and I think she may be useful more than once.” Rami suggested.

“Agree with Nitro.” Gwilym chimed in.

“I’ll see what she’s capable of, as soon as tonight.” Ben concluded.

“Uh-uh” Rami squinted his eyes and have Ben a smirk. “Somebody wants a bite of the new snack.” His smirk grew even bigger.

“Fuck up, Nitro.” Ben lifted a brow.

Rami lifted a brow to him as well, as they spoke without words. Real bros in life and crime. They understand each other telepathically. Pfhahaha*Author’s comment*

Later that night, Ben felt restless. He had finished all work for the day, everything was going according to plan. Everybody knew exactly what they were doing, except for. Well, you, who were still in the unknown of your future. Ben walked over to his bedroom balcony, with a glass of scotch in his hand and a smoke in the other.

He looked at the magnificent view from his tower. Then looked closely, he could see everybody in the club downstairs. All those people, who only care about 3 things in life: sex, alcohol and drugs. Oh and money to spend on those three of course, so that makes 4. “How pathetic” he huffed, taking a sip. He then thought of what he has said to the rest of the lads. About testing your capabilities. Since he felt restless, he changed into sweats and shirt and took off to the warehouse, where you were held.

“Hey, hey. You awake?” You heard a soft voice in the dark, coming from the door.

“Who’s there?” You tried to see, but the light from the corridor was blinding the man.

“Guess, I never introduced myself properly. I’m Ben.” He walked over your bed, as you rubbed your adjusting to the light eyes.

“Hi Ben.” you yawned.

“How should I call you?” his voice sounded oddly friendly.

“Don’t matter, you were gonna kill me anyway.” you looked straight into his eyes.

“If you want to stay live, you’d need a nickname anyway. Will figure it out on the move..” Ben blinked at you, which left you quite puzzled.

“Let’s get up. We got so much work to do.” he patted your knee.

“So this is how you hold the gun.” Ben was carefully focused on keeping your hands steady.

“When do I shoot?” You pouted your lips.

“Whoa, take it easy. You got quite the fantasy.” Ben chuckled and it made you blush. Given the distance and position he was in, you could inhale nothing but his scent. So manly and bad, but with hidden caring underneath, which you couldn’t quite figure, yet.

“Focus.” He whispered in your ear.

“I. I am. “ you fixed your position, straightening up your body.

“Your finger goes into the hole. And keep it steady, okay?” He softly spoke. You could swear he was nuzzling his nose in your hair.

“And I pull.” you confidently finished his sentence.

“That’s right.” he held his breath. “Do it. Pull the trigger.”

You moved your focus on the target, aiming for the center and pulled the trigger with force. The power kicked you a step back, but Ben never left your side, so he already was there, expecting you. Waiting to catch you before you fall.

“You can open your eyes now.” He chuckled.

“Phew.” You breathed out “how bad was it?”

“Don’t worry about it.” He took the gun from your shaky hands.

“So I did extremely bad.” Your head fell down.

“Said not to worry. Let’s try again. Here.” He handed you the gun.

You carefully took it. Ben extended his arm over yours and held your hands with his. It felt so unreal , you forgot you were in the devil’s lair.

“Now shoot.” You felt Ben’s lips over your ear, his hot breath gliding over your neck, you felt that electricity once again and gained the confidence to pull the trigger. This time it sounded louder and you jumped back, curling straight into Ben’s arms.

“Whose arms are you going to run into when you have to shoot tomorrow?” Ben chuckled, brushing your arm.

“Huh?” You looked up.

“I won’t be behind you the next time.” He put a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I. I have to manage. Somehow.” You licked your lips, staring at his.

Before you knew it, his lips were pressed against yours.

“Sorry.” He stepped back.

“No, I’m sorry, it just- ”

“No, completely, I shouldn’t have.” He shook his head.

“This is so wrong.” your palm aligned with his.

“Very, very wrong.” He muttered before pulling you in for a kiss again.

His hands grabbed your wait and pulled you in his brace, as you stepped up on your toes to reach for him. Your hands wrapped around his neck, as if they were always meant to be, and you kissed him back. His lips felt plump and tasty like cherries, you just wanna bite. He hungrily swiped his tongue between your lips and it was all you needed to let him in. Your tongue glided with his, savouring each other, passionately dancing. You knew this nervous feeling in your stomach was true all this time. It was lust and immediate passion. That’s why you always felt so intimidated by him, at unease. Every contact with him made you nervous, and now it felt like, it all made sense.

“You should be more than ready for the mission tomorrow.” he pulled away from you and grabbed your hand. Bringing you to the room you were locked in, he pushed you in. This time he didn’t lock the door or chain you up or anything. You were practically given a green light to plan an escape.

“Gather your strength for the rest of the night, you gon need it tomorrow.” Ben disappeared, just as fast as he appeared.

“I’ll be damned.” Ben muttered to himself as he poured himself a glass of bourbon from the top shelf in the meeting room.

“Can’t sleep boss?” Gwilym appeared on the doorstep “It’s the girl, isn’t it?” he cocked his head to the side.

“Do you absolutely always have to know everything?” Ben lit a smoke.

“So it is her. Look, I aint no life advisor or expert, but  a good bang might you some good. Tap that, you have it.” Gwilym lit a cigarette as well, taking a seat next to Ben.

“No wonder, they call you The Brains.” Ben lift an eyebrow at Gwilym.

“You know the rules, she’s at your disposal to do as you please, but don’t get distracted. Women turn men’s heads into marshmallow. Look at Joe.” Gwil ticked his tongue.

“Sometimes I feel more sorry for him, than I do for me, you know?” Ben took another big gulp “Besides the fact he was screwing my sister, love did fuck him up. And look now, he’s gone completely mad.” he shook his head.

“But you need to get your shit together and avenge her. Love brought men no good.” Gwilym took a long puff and put the smoke away. “Mark my words, boss. Fuck all the women you want, but don’t fall in love. Been down this hoe before, not getting in there again.” Gwilym patted Ben on the shoulder and left.

“You know what are you doing?” Joe fixed a gun on your ribcage, underneath your shirt.

“Hey, easy!.” you pushed his arm away.

“Don’t get handsy” Ben passed by, tapping Joe on the shoulder.

“All set up, you can go to Gwil now.” Joe finished installing all the armor on your body.

You tried to walk normally, adjusting to all the pieces hanging underneath your clothes over the Brains.

“Just to make sure you remember the plan, and nothing goes wrong, we’ll go over it now.” Gwilym put on his eyeglasses and had you sat on a table at the corner of the room.

It was their warehouse, the place where they keep all the machinery, the place where the real business happens. On one corner you could see Joe and his desk full of papers, ashtrays and guns. To the other side was Rami’s corner. His side was the cleanest. He had carefully ordered cabinets with explosives, which looked like trophies. You turned your head to your left and saw Ben. The kiss that happened was bugging you to hell and back, but you had to concentrate on the plan now, if you wanted to stay alive after tonight.

“Fantasia. Fantasia! FANTASIA!” you heard Ben marching towards you.

“That will be your code name now.” Ben looked around to make sure the guys heard him right.

“Fantasia it is.” Gwil shook his head.

“Oh, okay I guess…” you didn’t quite know how to react to that.

The rest of the time you spend observing these men and their work. After all this time you spent there, they didn’t seem to look like they did when you first met them. They were not as scary as before, and you were becoming something more than a hostage. You were becoming part of their gang. “Am i mobster now?” ask yourself, and giggled at the thought of it.

“It’s time.” Ben took your hand in his.

“So soon?” You almost whined.

“You can do this.” Ben looked straight into your eyes and suddenly all hesitation and fear was gone.

“We’ll be right here. We can hear everything, and if things start endangering, you know the signal.” Ben helf your palm in his “Just make sure, you get the information, you are there to collect, and that Manchini has a taste for women.” he gulped at the last word.

“Okay, yes. I’m a woman, I can be a woman, seductive, even… I mean, look at me.” you gestued your body. “All glammed and armed up. Nothing will go wrong.” You nodded your head. “Right?”

“Of course. No go and don’t get killed.” The men assured you.

You walked inside the fancy restaurant and looked around, but could not recognise the man from the pictues.

“He’s not here.” you whispered.

“He’ll come soon. Wait at the bar. Order a dry martini.”

You did exactly as you were told, making your way towards the bar. For split moment, you felt awesome in your high heels, smokey makeup, long silky dress and the gun underneath it. But soon the moment was gone, when you noticed the man entering. As if he knew you, he took a seat next to you.

“Your class is empty senorita. The next drink is on me.” He waved to the bartender.

“To whom do I owe the pleasure?” You slowly turned to him, uncrossing and then crossing your legs again.

“You can call me however you want, senorita.” he was grinning.

“Ew, that was low, even for him.” you heard Ben in your earpiece.

“What do you do?” You pretended you didn’t hear that.

“I’m a businessman.” He swirled his mustache with his fingers.

“What kind of business is that you do?” you tried your best look less disgusted.

“None of it concerns your pretty head.” he smirked.

You cleared your throat and smiled to the man, continuing the small talk. It didn’t take more than 20 minutes, before he was persuading you go with him. You started to panic, because it never was in the plan to go anywhere with him, and you certainly could not fire a gun at him in the middle of the restaurant with all his men surrounding.

“This is going nowhere. He is taking her to the back room, Gwil.” Ben stared into the security cameras in the van.

“Okay, okay, relax. She’s got guns n everything.” Rami tried to convince him.

“Damn right she does. I’m going in.” Ben was ready to crash the whole thing.

“Hey, hey, hold on. You will not go in!” Joe pushed him back in his seat “You go in now, we blow the whole thing. She gets shot and you too.”

“Fuckign hell.” Ben kracked the knuckles of his hands.

“She has to get any information, but he. Fuck! He knows.” Gwil shout.

“See? Are we going in now?” Ben lifted his arms in the air.

“He hasn’t slipped a word, and they’re walking towards the back entrance! Go.Go.Go.!” Joe pushed everybody out the doors.

Meanwhile, you were about to faint, because the moment was coming. Either you shoot Manchini, or you get shot. He opened the backdoor for you and gestured you to step outside.

“There goes my life.” you murmured under your nose and took a hesitant step outside. You quickly realised there was nobody visible, you it looked like the perfect timing to draw your gun out and point it at Manchini. You didn’t get any information, but according to Gwil’s plan, if things turned south, you had to shoot him. You tried to be as quick as possible, but the gun got stuck and he was already staring at you when you lifted your eyes.

He laughed and then laughed again. You primary instincts told you step back and to run, but you drew the gun out anyways. Pointing it at Manchini, your hands were shaking.

“LAY DOWN!” you heard a scream followed by gunshots. You dropped to the ground and crawled behind a tank nearby.

It all happened so fast. All these shouting men and gunfire around you. You just closed your eyes and hoped it would all end. But it didn’t. It all became muted and shaky, your vision blurred out.

“This. Is for my sister!” Ben hit Manchini on the face with his fist.

“And this is for Joe!” he hit him in the other side.

Manchini spit his blood in Ben’s face “Her pussy smelled nice.”

“I”LL FUCKIN KILL YOUU!!” Joe came over Manchini and pushed Ben to the side. He started hitting him and punching him with all his force. The lust for vengeance had taken over both men, so they kept beating the shit outta him, before Ben took his gun and shot straight at his head.

“She shall rest in peace now.” Joe whispered, as a few burning tears streamed down his cheeks.

“I love you, little sister.” Ben muttered and tapped Joe on his arm.

“Let’s go.” Joe and Ben turned around and made their way to the van.

“Finally!” Gwil sarcastically remarked.

“Now that we’re all avenged and done with Manchini, we have this little problem.” Rami pointed at your unconscious body.

“Is she alive?” Ben lifted a brow, while brushing blood off his face.

“She’s just passed out. Will wake up soon.” Gwil concluded.

“Forgot, you were the doctor.” Rami made a sarcastic remark.

“A plastic surgeon, yes Nitro.” Gwilym calmly answered back.

“Poor thing.” Bet sat on the seat next to you and started examining your state.

Your dress was all dirty and ripped, your face had a few scratches and your hair was messed.

“Still pretty.” Ben muttered.

“You said something, boss?” Rami lifted a brow at Ben.

“Keep driving.” Ben answered.

“We all gotta get cleaned up, and prepare. Manchini’s men won’t hesitate to attack back at us for killing their leader.” Joe stated.

“At least she did help.” Ben looked quite bemused.

“Okay, boss?” Joe patted him on the shoulder.

“I’m fine. I’m more than fine, Joe. we did it. We avenged her.” Ben almost sobbed.

“Boss, you and Joe, deserve to take rest of the night off. We can take care of it.” Rami chimed in.

“Intend to.” Ben rubbed his eyes.

“Been forever, since a shower felt as nice.” Ben rested his head against the tiles on the wall. Closing his eyes he let it all pass though his body. Memories started bursting in, from the moment his sister fell dead in his arms, to her funeral. To Joe, his second hand and best friend. Ben felt sad about Joe, he wasn’t always like this. He was always the calm one, the mathematical one. Now he was something more of a monster than human. Ben then remembered when they brought you in. The corner of his mouth curved into half smile. He remembered how idiotically Joe and Gwilym brought you in. He then thought of you. You actually turned braver and tougher to get killed than he thought. “Impressed.” he muttered.

“Impressed by what?” Ben hear a voice, which startled him in place.

“Goddamnit, haven’t you heard of knockin?” Ben angrily turned around “How did you even get in here?”

“The boys let me in.” Gracie started taking her mini dress off.

“Go home.” he shooed her out.

“I can help.” She stepped closer to the shower.

“No need. Not tonight.” Ben passed her and wrapped a towel around his waist. He barged out of the bathroom, passed along his penthouse and went straight into the warehouse. Gracie ran after him. Just on the corridor, she saw you looking at Ben passing by and then at her.

You had just woken up a few moments ago and were looking for Ben and his men. Somehow the whole scene hit you. It hit you hard. You didn’t even know why you felt so intimidated. Was it his wet naked muscular body, or was it the fact that a woman ran after him? You had so many questions. Nothing had happened between you two, you just shared a moment, a kiss. “This meant nothing” you muttered to yourself, while returning back to the room you woke up.

It all felt so strange, you couldn't quote figure were you angry, jealous, or it was just the adrenaline from earlier that night.

“Explanation. NOW!” Ben hit his fist on the table.

“Easy tiger.” Rami spoke first.

“I don’t need no babysitting. Understood? And I certainly don’t need any of you to tell me when I need sex!” He stormed off the room and returned to his flat upstairs.

On the terrace he saw you.

“Needed to get away from everything for a moment. I’ll leave right away. Wouldn’t bother you and your girlfriend.” your turned around and passed by Ben.

“Wait.” he stopped you, grabbing your arm “She’s not my girlfriend.” his words were stone cold.

“Whatever she is, is something to you. And I’m not, so I’ll leave you now.” You tried to pull your arm away from him, but instead he pulled you in.

With one swift move you you were wrapped around his arms, your noses barely touching. You both closed your eyes and felt each other’s heartbeat for a moment, before you lifted yourself on your toes and pressed your lips against his. They felt warm, hot even, like a thousand butterflies were fluttering in your stomach.

“I only want you.” Ben muttered against your lips and pulled away to look in your eyes. You looked back at him. All fear and darkness was gone. His green eyes were vibrant, almost watery. You nodded and kissed him again. This time he kissed you more passionately than before and wrapped his arm around your chest, lifting you easily. Your hands flew to his neck buried in his hair, you tucked on it, when you hear him silently moan against your lips.

Your breathing got heavier when he ran his tongue over your bottom lip, asking for permission. You gladly opened your mouth and let his tongue devour you. Your tongue played in synchronised rhythm with his, like you always knew exactly how to kiss each other. His palm was cupping your chin and cheek, while the other held you tight by your lower back.

Both of you walked backwards until hitting the dining table. Ben flipped you over and pressed you against it. His forehead resting against yours, you both needed to catch a breath.

“I need to have you.” he spoke through his teeth, as if he was restraining himself.

“You’ve got me.” You placed your hand over his cheek and kissed him passionately once again. He didn’t waste much time to hop you on the table and spread your legs apart. Situating himself between your thighs, he kept kissing you. His hands were roaming your back, before sliding one between your bodies. He rubbed your stomach before sliding it up under your shirt to your breasts. His hand rubbed your nipple and grabbed your breast. Meanwhile, his lips moved to the soft skin underneath your chin. His tongue traced your collarbone and licked small kisses on your sternum.

“Ben…” you moaned quietly, letting your head fall back, as both of his hands were now playing with your breasts.

“Where you’ve been all this time…” he murmured pepping kisses all over your chest and in the valley between your breasts.

You let another moan, pushing yourself up in his brace, while one arm kept you stable, and the other tugging on his hair.

“Call me SirBen groaned pushing your skirt up and pressing two fingers against your clit.

“Sir…” You whined, pushing yourself firmer against his fingers just to get more friction where you needed it the most.

He hissed and licked his lips, lowering his head to your neck, he sucked on your sensitive skin, while his fingers were agonsiligly rubbing your core through your knickers.

“P-please, sir.” You whined.

“What do you want?” He dunked his teeth into your neck, but then quickly swiped his tongue over the area.

“Need you.” You breathed out.

“Need me what? You gotta talk to me, Fantasia.” Ben kept the same agonisingly slow movements over your soaking underwear.

“I want you to fuck me. Fuck me hard.” You sank your nails into his scalp.

He growled and pulled away from you. With one swift move, the towel around his waist fell to the floor. You couldn’t help but stare at his hard cock and wonder how big it is, that you involuntary were biting your lip.

He stepped between your legs and spread then further again. Cupping your cheeks with his large hands, he kissed you, like the first time.

Your hands automatically slid down between your bodies and reached his rock hard cock. Wrapping gently your finger around the tip, your thumb smeared all the leaking pre cum around. He grunted at your touch and his head onto your shoulder. You slowly dragged your hand along his length, while your other hand kept his head on your shoulder, where his lips were sucking a hickey.

“This is so good.” he grunted against your neck “But you gotta stop of I’ll cum before I can feel you.” he grabbed your hand from his cock and brought it to the side.

“Let’s keep those nice and open.” he made sure your legs were wide apart.

Ben slipped his hand south of your belly and ran his finger between your wet lips.

“You’re glistenin” he softly chuckled, before closing the distance between your bodies with a kiss. His finger rubbed gentle circles on your sensitive clit, until you were trembling for more.

He then put two fingers inside you, instantly curing them upwards, hitting the perfect spot right away.

“Fuck.” you moaned “right there…”

“Hmm.” he grinned widely, before abruptly removing his fingers and situating his cock on your entrance “Ready for me?”

“Yes. Yes!” you eagerly nodded.

Ben pushed all the way in, with one swift move, as you both grunted at the friction, you both were anticipating.

“Fuck. You’re tight.” Ben groaned.

“I think, you’re just too big.” You almost laughed “Fuck me, Sir!” you whined.

“As you wish baby.” he licked his lips and held your legs. Getting a more comfortable, position, he was able to thrust in and out of you with ease.

You were both a grunting, growling mess after a few mintues, you couldn’t take it any more.

“Shit, I’m gonna cum. Please Sir, let me come.” you begged.

“Because you asked so nicely and because you were such a good girl, you can come.” he spoke between each breath.

Ben leaned in closer and whispered in your ear “I want you come on my cock, and i want you to squeeze that tight pussy for me.”

It was all you needed to hear to let go. And you did come hard, with a screaming orgasm. Your body quivering, shaking from the overwhelming pleasure. Your cunt kept pulsating, even after the waves of hot and cold washed down.

“My turn.” Ben leaned in, extending his arm over your shoulder to keep himself above you, and cupped your chin with the other. He kissed you passionately while chasing his own orgasm until he released.

“Fuck.” he growled, as he kept thursting, passionately ramming in you, like the world was about to end.

“Fuck, fuck!” you cried out, as a second orgasm rushed in without warning. You squivered and shaked, while he was still kissing you.

After a few more moments he pulled away, as you both were trying to catch your breath.

“Oh my god.” you panted.

“You are amazing. Do you even know the pleasure you gave me?” Ben helped you get off the table.

“Not bad yourself.” you chuckled.

“Come here.” he pulled you in his lap. He brushed your hair behind your ear, as you sat across his thighs. Your arms wrapped around his neck, as you let your chin rest on his shoulder.

“Can we go to bed now?” you chuckled “I’m pretty drained.”

“Oh you definitely are staying with me tonight, and the coming nights as well.”

Ben held you in his arms and carried you to the bedroom. Placing like fine glass on the black satin sheets, he observed you.

“Whaat?” you felt shy.

“You are fantastic. My Fantasia.” Ben crawled over and cuddled you in his brace. “You did amazing today. And I don’t just mean the sex. I mean all of it.” he kissed your neck.

“I did?” you softly spoke.

“You were so brave during the mission. And it was your first job as a rightful member of my gang. ”

“Wait. I am in? As in…?” you turned around to look at his face, because you were pretty sure was joking.  

“You earned your vote on the table.” he poked gently your nose. “And it wasn’t your sex skills that brought you the promotion.” he sarcastically stated.

“Hey.” you pouted your lips.

“Though it certainly helped.” he kissed your lips.

“Let’s sleep now. We got important things to take care of in the morning.” he snuggled you closer, which was all you needed to drift off to a well deserved sleep.

________

A/n: Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate any kind of feedback, so please feel free to like, comment, reblog, as much as your heart desires.

Also, make sure you check out the posters for the fic in my blog.

#staylovely