#gotta realize its not my reality and im very lucky to have what i have

[mothmeadow]

must be a mix of low self esteem and growing up poor but i feel so guilty and unworthy if someone gets me a gift

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Hayloft (p.2)

Pairing: Arvin Russell x F!Reader

Summary: Your dad brings home his new coworker, Arvin Russell, telling you that he’ll be living with the two of you for a while. While attempting to keep Arvin from seeing the disfunction of your relationship with your father, the two of you grow closer than you thought. (Inspired by “Hayloft” by Mother Mother, though that’ll really only be one chapter later on so I don’t know if it really counts…)

Warnings: Abuse, drunkenness, misogyny, reader’s mother is dead, decapitating a chicken, reader is kind of emotional in this chapter

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: My first slow(er) burn fic! Let me know what you think!

Part 1 

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Work had passed fairly quickly as it always did when you had the opening shift. It sure sucked having to arrive at five o’clock in the morning but at least you got off earlier and you knew that that way you could grab groceries before your father got home and could yell at you about an empty kitchen again. By two o’clock in the afternoon, you were home again, hopping out of your truck and grabbing as many bags as you could in one go. 

The loud sound of metal slamming against metal shook you and you flinched, looking between your door and the frame to see Arvin walking out towards you. It hadn’t occurred to you that his car was even in your driveway. After so many years of having busted broken down old cars sitting there that your dad had been swearing he’d fix for almost ten years, cars in the driveway seemed normal. “Let me give you a hand,” he offered as he got closer, lifting the canvas bags from your hands before you could object. 

“Oh!” You exclaimed as you felt the weight suddenly taken off your own arms, “Thank you.” You dove back into the truck to grab the last two bags before slamming it shut with your hips. The two of you began your stroll towards the front door, the dirt driveway kicking up around your feet. “You’re back early.” You noted, looking over at Arvin. 

He shrugged, “Yeah, uh, Wallace had me on the early shift today.” 

You fumbled with the bags as you tried to unlock the door, kicking it open with your toes when it finally gave in. You walked into your home and Arvin followed, closing the door behind him. “Been here long? I didn’t see you in the driveway.” 

“Not too long. I just didn’t want to let myself into your home without nobody there.” Arvin set the bags on the counter next to where you set yours. 

You began to unpack the bags and put the groceries in the respective places. Arvin watched off to the side, unsure of how your kitchen was organized so he was worried he’d do more than good if he stepped in. “My daddy got the late shift?” 

Arvin shook his head, noticing that his beat up old hat was still on his head despite being indoors and took it off immediately, his tousled brown curls parting messily down the middle. “No, we went in at the same time. He ‘n some buddies said they was goin’ to some bar in town.” 

He watched your shoulders fall a little and you sighed, “Figures…. You didn’t go?” 

Again, Arvin shook his head, “No. No offense to your daddy but I don’t like to drink the way I get the feelin’ he does.” 

You snorted, turning to him with a knowing chuckle, “Let’s just say that I’m sorry in advance for whatever he says or does when he gets home, if he gets home. Sheriff Pike might end up callin’ in the mornin’ tellin’ us to pick him up.” Though it was stated as a joke, Arvin could hear the tragic reality behind your words. 

Arvin then noticed the pack of beer bottles that you were pulling out of the bag. As if you could feel his eyes looking at you with worried curiosity, you glanced over at him, noticing the way his eyes flicked between you and the beer in your hands. You offered a sad shrug, “I know what you’re thinkin’ but trust me. Sometimes it’s better to have him drunk and possibly content than sober and angry there’s nothing to drink. Besides, the beer is better than the hard stuff with ‘im.” 

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to be makin’ faces. Your business is your business,” Arvin backpedalled, giving you an apologetic nod. 

You shook your head, “Don’t worry. I know how it looks. I’m sorry you gotta see all of it. I been tryin’ to keep to keep him calm but if you end up stayin’ a while, I’m sure you’ll get to see him at his worse times.” 

Arvin chewed his lip as he contemplated whether or not to bring up what had been going through his mind but he had to make sure you were alright. “I-I heard you ‘n your dad talkin’ last night… right after you left my room.” 

Your face fell as you realized what he was talking about, “You weren’t s’posed to hear that. I’m sorry.” Shit, this was what you were hoping to avoid. 

“Are you alright?” 

Gentle. Caring. His tone was something that had been long lost to you in this house and it took the words out of your mouth for a moment. It was embarrassing, the way your heart welled up with… well love wasn’t quite the right word but the warmth of being cared about. Not since after your mother had passed had you heard somebody actually care about how you felt. 

You just nodded and gave a forced smile that you could tell was easy to see through but it was the best you could muster. For someone who was able to take so much shit from their father and was able to look the man who would throw things at you and grab you by the hair dead in the eye with nothing but contempt, it was compassion that made you crumble. It had been so unexpected, especially from Arvin, the stranger living in your house. 

“Shit, ‘m sorry! I didn’t mean to - I didn’t mean to overstep. I only…” He stammered over his words and at first you were confused until you felt the single hot tear tracing its way down your cheek. 

You were quick to wipe it away, shocked at your own uncharacteristic show of vulnerability. You hadn’t realized until now that you had zoned out on the ground while Arvin’s words repeated in your head but now a flash of embarrassment ran through you. “No, no, no. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You sniffled once before giving a small laugh of disbelief. “It’s just… It’s been a long time since anybody asked that.” 

You straightened up and ran your hands through your hair, eyes closed as you thought of what else you needed to do. Thankfully, if your dad was at the bar, you had at least another four hours to just you and Arvin, all night if you were lucky, though you seldom were. That was when the feeling of dread set in. Your dad had requested chicken roast for dinner tonight and whether he came home early and only a few beers in or you had to drive him home hungover in the morning, the man would be furious if there weren’t at least reheated leftovers for him. You had to kill Patty and prep her for dinner. 

“You okay?” Arvin asked again, though this time it was in reference to the way a heavy look fell over your features. It wasn’t a profound deep question like it was earlier. 

Your head wavered from side to side and your lips twisted, “My daddy asked for chicken roast tonight. I gotta go out and fix Patty up.” You tried to put it lightly though it felt anything but. “I’ll be out in the coop. You’re more than welcome to clean up in the shower or do whatever you’d like ‘round the house. The radio is in the livin’ room if you wanna tune into somethin’.” 

You pushed yourself off the counter and walked to the door in your kitchen that led out to the backyard but Arvin made a few steps to follow, “Is it alright if I keep you company? It don’t feel right bein’ in your house without you or your daddy here.” 

You smiled at the thought of him staying with you and you nodded, continuing out the door, “Sure, c’mon.” 

The hen house wasn’t very far from the back door. From there, you could see the several acres of land that your father was wasting. Your grandparents had bought this land in the late 1910’s and had started up a little farm of their own to sell locally, though your father had abandoned the farming portion after they died. It was where your daddy had grown up and then where you had as well. God, how you missed your grandparents. Your grandmother’s soft words of love and kindness but sternness and willingness to swat your butt with a wooden spoon if you got an attitude (though she would yell at your father if he ever tried to discipline you - “Now you leave that poor baby alone!”). Your grandfather had looked like a rough and angry old man from years of hard work but he had the softest heart of anyone you’d ever met. How the two of them had raised your father was beyond you. 

When you approached the wired fence and jiggled the lock open, the chickens inside stood surprisingly still. They trusted you. You could see it in their little brown eyes. You were safe and warm and didn’t want to harm them. You came in for the unfertilized eggs they laid and left, oftentimes with some seed and a soft pat or two on the head. Patty, a fat white hen with black specks, walked comfortably around your feet, nuzzling her head against your leg. She was the nicest hen you’d ever had. She trusted you. 

God, you were about to cry again. You bent down to pick her up and you held her against your chest, trying to look her in the eye, though it was difficult when she kept jerking it in different directions. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” you murmured low. Usually it was your father that would slaughter the hens if he really wanted the meat that badly. You had never done it yourself but he’d made you watch every time so that you knew how if the time ever came. Each time it made you sick to your stomach. 

Already, you felt green. The unassuming hen that you had been friendly enough to for her not flip out when you held her was none the wiser that her life was about to end by your hand. You glanced over to the large wood round just ahead and the axe that was leaned up against it. 

Your face contorted as you realized how much you disliked the placement. The way your father would slaughter chickens right in front of their friends made your heart break. It was barbaric. 

You walked over to Arvin and held Patty out towards him, “Would you mind holdin’ onto her for a second?” 

Though visibly confused, he took the chicken from your hands, drawing back when her wings fluttered out at the contact with the new strange man. Arvin watched as you walked towards the large round and tried to push it with all your might. “What’re you doin’?” 

“I’m-” you grunted, feeling it slide slowly, inch by inch, “trying to move it where the other chickens can’t see.” You took another moment to use all your force against it before standing up straight and breathing heavily, “I know it sounds dumb cause they’re only chickens but it feels cruel to make ‘em watch, y’know?” You went back to pushing the round and Arvin approached behind you. 

From here he could see the blood stains in the wood. It looked as if the blood had been washed off but the wood had been stained crimson regardless. There was also a divot where an axe had clearly been driven down many times over the years, chipping away at the wood. 

Arvin’s heart actually warmed a little at your attempt to show mercy and your willingness to go out of your way to spare some chickens’ feelings. It wasn’t something he was sure he’d do himself but when he heard you say it, he realized you had a point. It was cruel to imprison a bunch of animals and then lead them out one by one to be slaughtered in front of everyone, each animal waiting their turn. “Here, take ‘er back. Let me.” Arvin stepped in, handing Patty back over to you and bending down to lift the round onto its side with much effort. The wood had to weigh at least a hundred pounds and had long since settled into the ground where it had been placed when you were a child.

Your eyes widened as you watched his biceps bulge, straining the material of his blue t-shirt. You’d never seen a man with muscles like that before and you found your eyes trailing along his arms, following every popping vein from the tops of his hands, up his forearms, and onto his biceps until they disappeared beneath his shirt. It was something you hadn’t expected to see in him. Arvin looked like a quiet, polite, hardworking young man but you never would have imagined the immaculate muscles he possessed. You found your mind wandering to what other surprises laid in store beneath all those layers he wo- 

You needed to calm yourself down. If only he could hear your thoughts, he surely would be furious and disgusted with you. You hadn’t had such impure thoughts since that one time you had been messing around with Jimmy Bates in the backseat of his old car back in your senior year of high school. The two of you didn’t even go all the way but you went far enough and the guilt ate you alive since the two of you were never officially together anyways. He was just the cute boy from high school that you had pined over years that had finally given you the chance right before he shipped off to join the war. 

“This alright?” Arvin asked, shaking you from your fantasy, and you snapped back into reality to realize he had rolled the wood round around the side of the coop behind the wooden wall, outside of the other chickens’ views. 

You nodded and walked over to him, “That’s perfect. Thank you so much for doin’ that. I know it’s sorta stupid.” 

Arvin shook his head, putting his hands on his hips, “If it means somethin’ to you, it ain’t stupid at all. Besides, now that you pointed it out, it was a little barbaric.” 

You smiled up at him, one which he returned. How was this boy so damn nice? Was this some cosmic way of the universe finally giving you something good in your life? You’d become so calloused to your father’s harsh words and barked commands that you had forgotten how nice it was to feel cared about and validated. And you barely knew him. 

“‘M glad you think so.” You looked down at Patty in your arms and any good feelings you’d had melted to sadness and fear. “You been a good girl, Patty. I know you struggled with layin’ eggs for a while but you were always a good girl. Never bit me once unlike some of them other hens.” You weren’t often very soft and vulnerable but you were about to take something’s life for the first time and you couldn’t help but feel the weight of that on your heart. If this were a life or death situation, you would feel better about it, but it wasn’t. The only reason Patty had to die was because your father would throw a fit if she didn’t. 

You carried her to the log and gave her a little kiss on the top of the head, “Please don’t hate me but I understand if you do. Say hi to my momma for me, will you? Tell her I love and miss her.” You set her down and got her in the position you always saw your dad put the other chickens in before he chopped their heads off. Arvin handed you the axe with uncertainty but watched on as you struggled to bring yourself to finish the deed. 

You held her down and you could tell by the way she was flailing that she was panicking now. Patty was well aware of what was happening. “I’m sorry!” You choked, tears welling up in your eyes as her panic began to turn into your own panic. How did people do this? Why was this so freaking difficult? 

Tossing the axe slightly in your hand, you readjusted the handle and just as you went to swing, Arvin piped up, “I can do it.” 

You looked over at him, the afternoon sun reflecting the tears in your eyes and making the color of your irises stand out in tragic beauty. “I-I- Would you really not mind?” You breathed out in relief. 

Arvin stepped forward and you handed the axe out to him, “I don’t mind.” You held onto Patty until Arvin could position her just right as well. He had no idea what he was doing - he’d never had to slaughter a chicken before. He had heard that all you had to do was cut their head off though and then he’d heard the rumors of them running around like crazy even after their head hit the ground. How hard could it be? 

Once he had the hen pinned down where he wanted her, he looked up to see you chewing on your thumb, brows knitted in discomfort. It wasn’t the first chicken you’d watched get slaughtered but it was far from something you enjoyed observing. Arvin signaled to you with a nod before raising the axe above his head and you shut your eyes tight, flinching at the sound of the old metal head thudding into the old wood. 

**

You had the carcass sitting in the sink while you pulled off the blood soaked feathers, depositing them into the trash bin by the handful. This part was easier for you, something you’d done many times in the past. “Thank you for doin’ that. I’m sorry I’m such a baby.” 

Arvin sat at the kitchen table behind you, “You ain’t a baby just cause you don’t like to kill things. I’d say it’s probably rather normal.” 

The time was inching closer to four o’clock now and the sun was beginning to hang ever so slightly lower in the sky, the precursor to sunset. It was warm outside and a cool spring breeze blew in through the open window above the sink. You snickered as you pulled another handful of feathers out, “Yeah? That mean you ain’t normal?” You looked over at him with a playful glint in your eye but your smile fell when you saw an uncomfortable look cross his face, almost like he’d seen a ghost. 

“I ain’t never said I liked killin’ either.” Arvin attempted to match your joking tone but it was pretty evident there was a weight behind his words. 

“Hey, I‘m sorry. I was only jokin’.” A pang of guilt washed over you but it was only that. A joke. You hadn’t imagined teasing him over something like killing a chicken would set him off, especially since he volunteered to do it for you, but apparently you were wrong. 

Arvin sniffed and scratched his nose, “I know.” After a moment of awkward silence, he stood, “Let me give you a hand. What do you need done?” 

You scanned his face once more to make sure he was really okay but you decided to drop it when you saw his insistent look. You shook your head, “I got it. It ain’t much after I get this all gutted and cleaned.” You picked up the mostly featherless carcass by the wings and plopped it back down into the sink. 

“Well ‘m sure there’s vegetables or somethin’ else that goes with it, right? Let me start cuttin’ those up.” His persistence was adorable, making your heart flutter in the most wonderful way. The idea of a man actually being helpful was unknown to you before Arvin. Your life had been filled with your dad’s drunken bossings since you were twelve years old. You couldn’t remember the last time a genuinely kind voice offered you anything more than a smile on the street, not that you took that for granted. Arvin was just different though. Noble and helpful and kind. 

“You really don’t have to-” 

“Yeah, you keep sayin’ that but I really do want to help. So what can I do to make things easier on you?” He took a few steps closer to you until you felt the beginning of what could have been sparks if he stepped any nearer, like when you hold two magnets a few inches apart and you can feel the energy between them, that hint of attraction, but it’s not quite close enough to pull them together. 

The blush in your cheeks at his simple gesture made you break the eye contact with a nervous laugh of retreat, “Okay, fine. If you’re gonna be so insistent,” you drew out with a teasing drawl, “you can cut up veggies. There’s potatoes over there and carrots and zucchini in the fridge.” 

Arvin’s lips turned up in a small smile when you finally resigned your stubborn ways and he went off to find the vegetables where you had directed him. 

Needless to say, when your father came home from the bar to find you and Arvin talking over a song by the Platters playing on the radio with Arvin cleaning up the dishes while you tossed together the vegetables and the seasoning, he was less than pleased. 

“What the hell is going on here?” His slurred speech made your eyes widen in fear. He was supposed to get home later like he always did. But then you found yourself chiding your irresponsibility. Why the hell would you take that chance? You knew better than to let Arvin help out and now you were gonna pay. 

Arvin sensed the way you tensed up beside him and watched as you spun around to face your father with haste, “Just finishin’ up dinner now. Should be ready by six so you got more than enough time to take a sho-” 

“Why the fuck is he doin’ the dishes?” You father was leaning against the wall, clearly relying on the structure for support. This wasn’t the time to test him, not with Arvin here. It was times like this when he’d start throwing stuff at you. 

Before you could say anything, Arvin piped up firmly but respectfully, “I offered, sir. It’s no problem at all.” 

Your dad pointed at Arvin, “A man ain’t got no place with his hands in a sink of dishes. You leave that shit to her and she’ll just grab you a beer.” He stumbled over his own feet before catching himself ungracefully. 

Arvin’s jaw set tightly and you gripped the countertop with white knuckles behind you. Times like this, you weren’t even sure what to say anymore. No amount of standing up for yourself got you anywhere with him. You never made any headway with your dad’s sexist views on gender roles. It was pointless. The only thing to do was try and work your way to supporting yourself so you could get the hell out of dodge and never look back. 

Arvin’s voice surprised you, “A man’s place is helpin’ out the women in his life when they need, not leavin’ ‘em to do all the housework themselves.” You nearly choked on your own tongue at his words. It was a bold statement for a man to make, especially to the head of the house that was being so gracious as to host him free of charge, but he didn’t back down. It appeared like the jab was lost on your drunken father but Arvin continued with a slightly less accusatory comment to diffuse the situation regardless, “I grew up helpin’ my grandma with all the house chores so I really don’t mind at all.” 

You watched the way your dad eyed Arvin and then you before scoffing and grumbling incoherently as he shuffled his way into the living room. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “I don’t want you gettin’ kicked out ‘cause of me. You didn’t have to say nothin’.” 

Arvin glared at where your father had disappeared and nodded, “Yeah, I did. You don’t deserve all the shit he gives you.” 

You suddenly found yourself avoiding his eyes and twisting your lips. He was right and you were well aware of that fact. The abuse your dad put you through was uncalled for at best. The fact that Arvin had actually taken the time to not only notice the same fact but acknowledge it and stand up for you was something you never thought you’d hear someone do. It made you uncomfortable. You’d been fighting this battle by yourself for so long that letting somebody even know it was being waged was enough to make you want to sink away. Even so, a part of you wanted to let Arvin keep standing up for you. It made you feel weak after having to stand up for yourself for so long but also validated. 

Your eyes flicked up to meet his for only a moment before turning back towards dinner that sat in a roasting pan on the stove, “Thank you.” 

______

Taglist: 

@thisisparadisemylove

@justapurrcat

[nbmudkip]

audrey or

reigen

lucky for you this ask sent twice so im doing both. audrey time

favorite thing about them: probably how loyal and dedicated she is when she sets her mind to something. if she believes something is the best course of action, or if she believes in a certain value or a certain person or anything, she WILL fight tooth and nail to make it happen, to make others recognize it, to protect them. honestly, she’s a born protector, a champion of the people who got steered a ways off track. i really respect her stubbornness (and see a lot of myself in it)

least favorite thing about them: kind of a different side of the same coin deal. when she makes up her mind, its made up; she is going to be very poorly receptive to even the slightest bit of resistance. her mind handles doubt and dissent kind of like how the voidfish handles fragments of things that were erased, where it molds the mind into not even noticing a problem; she’ll go to lengths of truth-bending, hypocrisy, and straight up denial in order to preserve her belief that she is correct. she refuses to doubt herself, which makes it difficult for her to learn and grow until things become dangerously extreme

favorite line: “This is MY STORY! EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS is at stake! How DARE you try to take that for yourself!” its just. it perfectly exemplifies how her desperation brewed hypocrisy yknow? yeah, everything that exists is at stake, but she’s the one working to destroy it

brOTP: i have a whole thing in my head i never bothered to iron out or write where ash finds her being kind of pathetic and lonely postgame and reaches out a hand to her and they become close. hell if im gonna write it out now though sorry. i also love kiwi/miri/audrey postgame enemies to friends arc, but i think kiwi and miriam probably remain closer to each other than either of them are to her

OTP: i don’t really ship her with anyone. audriam can be cute when done right but i usually prefer kiwiam

nOTP: i don’t really like her and eyala paired together, or eyala paired with anyone, really. eyala is a divine being who’s existed for millenia, and through the way she interacts with both the game’s characters and talks about the current reality, it’s clear that she has a sort of…detachment from it all that thoroughly separates her experiences and emotional responses from that of mortals. i don’t think her being in a romantic relationship with someone who is apparently such a small insignificant blip in the eternity of her existence would be healthy for either of them

random headcanon: the sword’s lightning actually scarred her hand due to overuse. her right hand is a patchy mess. she always keeps it covered up, and they make her upset, because they remind her of a really desperate and hopeless time in her life. also, they throb terribly whenever she ends up seeing kiwi or miriam’s lightning scars

unpopular opinion: i really, truly think she was doing what she thought was best for the world, yknow? she has a one track mind and was trying to follow the path of what that one track had been convinced was the right thing to do. of course, it wasn’t the right thing to do, and of course, she has to come to that realization, apologize, and accept responsibility for what she did, or else she’ll never be able to move forward. but i really, truly don’t think she was operating out of pride and malice. i think she was operating out of a combination of desperation for approval and a need to adhere to the guidelines she set for herself

song i associate with them: under my skin by jukebox the ghost

favorite picture of them: forgive me for picking a non-canon image but it’s gotta be this one by @vulpineprince

[luci-four]

hello! would it be alright to request some mammon fluff? i read thru all your posts and im in love with your writing 💕

A/N: Thank you!! You didn’t give me anything really specific so I hope this is good enough for you ♥ thank you for being so patient!! ★

Hide N Seek. {Mammon x Reader/MC}

Mammon knew better.

Call him stupid, dumb, an idiot, a dumbass, a--

Too many, too many.

Call him what you want, but when it came down to the wire, Mammon was not unintelligent. He was creative, and smart in the street sort of sense—he could get by and there definitely were times where he let his knowledge shine.

Mammon new better, but he just couldn’t stop himself from pissing off Lucifer.

He didn’t even remember what he did this time. All that mattered was the heavy—frightening—presence of Lucifer’s anger, condensed to a very... vivid aura that suddenly filled the room. Before the second half of his name could pass by his brother’s lips, the second brother was on the run.

Bounding through hallways, skipping a stair or two at a time going up, jumping back down over the railing just to make his movements confusing; Mammon bolted. He was fast—he was pretty certain he wouldn’t get away from Lucifer, but ‘a man’s gotta try’, or so he told himself. If he could just get out of Lucifer’s line of sight just long enough to hide, he’d be golden! He’d strive for that, that was his favourite colour, after all. Taking several turns, ducking under furniture and hopping over others; Mammon had to bite his tongue and hold his smile until he was completely in the clear—but he was almost there! So close! If he could round the corner to the hallways fast enough, he’d be out of the line of sight to his impeding murder--

His saviour—yes! His MC! His sun! His light! His... cushion? His partner in crime? Whatever their title may have been now, he could hear their voice complaining to themselves; he slammed against them the second they stepped around the corner, covering their mouth to keep them silent. The both of them tumbled back into the small closet MC had left open when looking... for whatever it was they were looking for. Mammon didn’t know, and didn’t care.  He pulled the door shut, held his finger to his lips to try and quiet MC’s muffled words, and grimaced hard when he heard his brother’s footstep pass by. He leaned his head against the door, listening as closely as he could for the fading sounds and sighed out of relief for a moment before it was cut off by a strangled cry.

“Y’owch!” he had to fight himself to stay quiet and pushed on MC’s forehead to try and pull his hand back, “Get your damn teeth out of me!”

“Stop suffocating me and I wouldn’t bite you!”  

“Hey, shush it, will ya?” He hissed, “We’re tryin’ to stay hidden here!”

“You mean you’re trying to stay hidden!” MC emphasized their words with a particularly hard poke to Mammon’s chest, “Why was I dragged into your mess—again!”

“Not my fault you were right there!”

“Now I’m stuck in this small ass closet with you!”

“Yeah yeah, but please! Please be quiet!” he gave a hushed shout, “I’m beggin' ya!”

MC’s face screamed irritation. Mammon gave his best puppy dog eyes, pleading for them to help him out. After they sighed, they turned their head away from him, reluctantly agreeing though they were quick to give him a death glare when he tried to hug them. They both stood in silence for a while, Mammon growing more and more awkward by the minute. His eyes adjusted to the darkness he found himself in, and caught glimpses of MC while they paid no attention to the demon in front of them.

They were close—Mammon could feel it before ever needing to see it; the heat bouncing off of one another, the overall sense of closeness—chest to chest and face to face should they turn back toward him, he was going to die. His heart raced, his pulse knocking heavy in his veins and his breath growing ragged while his knees fought to keep him up; he was dying, that was it, he was dying and was kind of, maybe, sort of, afraid of Lucifer catching him—that's it! Nothing to do with MC...

Nothing to do with the sliver of light from the crack of the door and how it catches their eye and illuminates it like the stars. Nothing to do with how sweet and comforting they smelt. Nothing to do with the soft sound of their breathing or the curve of their face or--

No, nothing to do with them. He’s obviously just getting claustrophobic.  

“So...” he started in his whisper, “come here often?”

“Do you want me to punch you right now?”

“Double dare ya.”

They clenched their fist and shifted to aim it towards his stomach before he quickly deflected them.  

“Hey, knock it off will ya? I was just jokin’.”

“Oh, scared, are you?”

“Scared? No way!”

“Your body says otherwise.”

“My body is a temple and is as sturdy as ever!”

“Is that what we call it now?”

“Watch it!”

Mammon’s mind moved on its own, as did his mouth. Without realizing it, the awkward aura around him dissipated; he felt so calm and collected, he actually felt pretty confident—it had to be because he got away from Lucifer, of course—he could do anything, he could say anything. Despite MC’s teasing tone, the corners of his mouth couldn’t help but tug up to a playful smirk; his tongue sharper than ever as he threw the teasing right back at them. The words that passed his lips brought such a delectable heat to their face, a pout to their lips, a huff to their breath and a slight lean towards him that he just couldn’t get enough of. The bold way they gave it right back to him, however, was enough to make him equally as heated; he shied away from them, angrily denied all allegations, turned his head and bit his lip the more they leaned against his chest and close to his face to eat up his reactions with a wicked smirk. What the hell were they doing to him?

“Back it up, will ya?”

“Where am I supposed to back up to!” they leaned even closer to his face, “You shoved us into a closet!”

Mammon grunted and attempted to lean away from them, only to catch a glimpse of the sliver of light in their eye once more. The way they looked at him seemed... questionable. Well, he was certainly questioning it. Their eyes seemed... unfocused, though they definitely were resting on something; their bottom lip had their teeth just barely sunken into it and he could just barely make out that their skin seemed flushed. They looked... soft, like they were waiting for something they really wanted but just couldn’t reach out and take themselves. They looked... they looked...

They looked like he did whenever they weren’t paying attention.

He didn’t know what came over him. Maybe it was because he felt like he was looking into a mirror? Or maybe because this all felt like a dream? Whatever it was, Mammon was ecstatic! He could almost jump for joy! Cheer! He was so happy! He was nervous! He was scared! Wait, those emotions didn’t mix—or did they? The perfect blend of nerves and bliss danced around like butterflies in his stomach and drums in his heart; Mammon was almost ready to thank God for bringing the two of them together in this closet. Almost. Wait, why were they in here again?

It didn’t matter! Mammon didn’t care! With eyes as wide as the moon and a smile just as bright, he grabbed their hands and interlaced their fingers, getting a shot of confidence and the need to tease to help him get the words out of his mouth.

“So,” his eyebrows gave a little smug wiggle, “we gonna kiss, or what?”

MC’s eyes went wide as though they just snapped back to reality, giving him a bewildered look for a split second before such a sweet laugh bubbled out of them. They hunched over a moment, leaning their head on his chest and trying to catch their breath as their laugh only grew louder. Mammon couldn’t help but laugh too, moving their still intertwined hands to wipe the tears off their face with the back of their own hands.

“Well?”

Mammon’s body language screamed just one big ‘please’ that he knew MC could read—he didn’t care. The way they smiled back at him made his stomach flip, watching them slowly get closer to his face made it feel like his heart was leaping square out of his throat. He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, excited and partially in disbelief.  

“Will you calm down for a second?” MC laughed again, only to keep their smile and laugh once more as Mammon eagerly closed the gap between them.

Oh, he was ready to just die, then and there, in that closet with them.

It was everything—no, more—than he could have ever imagined. It was pure bliss; soft on MC’s end but a little rougher on his as he moved like an excited puppy. Feeling their smile against his lips only egged him on; a little desperate for more—and a little unmanly to whine a bit as he had, he was lucky his eyes were closed so he didn’t see the almost sinful look they shot him—he felt them move back for a moment to untangle their hands. Once their lips made their way back to his, they gently held his face where he instantly became putty.

His limbs felt heavy, and he just wanted to lean everything he had against MC—but in a way they’d never have to let their lips leave his. Was there such a way? Could he find it? The slight tease as they grazed their teeth over his bottom lip as they pulled away caused him to let out another (embarrassing) whine. Letting his head fall heavy into their hands, he simmered in the moment a while longer before lifting his equally heavy eyelids halfway just to let those pool into theirs as well. The way they smiled at him was innocent, adoring, and... happy. Mammon knew his lazy smirk gave them the same feeling as well.

Mammon didn’t think he’d find himself stuck in a closet today—he especially didn’t expect to kiss MC—but he was thankful nonetheless. Something kept nagging at the back of his mind, however, but he just couldn’t find the strength to address it when such an amazing, adorable, teasing little brat stood in front of him; he wanted more—more kisses, more time alone, more of them, more--

The room flooded with light, the force which the door was opened caused a heavy wind against Mammon’s back. Judging by the sheepish look on MC’s face, it wasn’t a good sign in the slightest. In an instant, the warmth that cradled his face—and the rest of him—had been stripped away as he was lifted by the back of his shirt and pulled away from MC and dragged out of the closet.

“Dammit Lucifer, ya couldn’t’ve waited a few more minutes!”

“Be thankful I found you when I did, thanks to MC’s laugh. Any longer and your punishment would have been tripled.”

Hearing that it was their fault, Mammon watched MC give him an embarrassed laugh, scratching the back of their head regretfully before blowing him an apologetic kiss that made him cry out.

“Aw, come on!”

[pinkbelugacollective]

been thinkin about this for a while, and i just gotta say - some of you REALLY dont realize how much y’all contribute to self-clownery by going after fancontent creators over the age of 25. whether it’s jibes of the nature of “ur almost thirty,” or the more condescending “ur old enough to know that ship is Bad,” and it’s like???? bitch you pay my bills??? you clothe, feed, and house my fantastic ass and my bitch cat??? you sendin me money for my givenchy bitch!?

cuz you aint. more often than not, fancreators over 25 be creatin for themselves, regardless of how immoral the content is bc it’s a) there’s no monetary gain, b) it’s an exercise in skill and creativity, and c) cuz it’s fun! YES, CLOWNS! IT’S FUN TO WRITE A 150k DARKFIC WITH MURDER, INFIDELITY, HIJINKS, AND TELENOVELA-ESQUE ALLURE! nobody gives a fuck if it’s immoral in its lessons, because NO ONE is required to consume it and NO ONE is telling a fancontent creator how to write it! it’s free of every restriction placed on mainstream COMMERCIAL content, because fancontent... wait for it... is for free.

and it’s true! 25+ gang is old! we got bills to pay and mouths to feed and dayjobs to excel at so we can survive in this capitalist nightmare, BUT WE ALSO LOVE FANDOM! we got back problems and still cant get our apostrophes right half the time, but the engagement is STILL there. THAT’S why AO3 survives, cuz people who are old as shit have a passion for fandom, have a passion for creating and archiving for future generations.

and to think that some of y’all got the gohtdamn NERVE to roll up in my inbox talmbout “if u think critically, u would not be shipping/liking this character/ship/etc.” like??? im sorry im not using my critical thinking skills to make moral content katherine, but like, i see critical thinking is not stopping you from selfshipping on main and taking requests for reader-insert porn and selfship OCs. not to be mean, but imma be VERY mean, but did you think u were special just cuz ur discord cult said so???

cuz ur not. i know some of y’alls social interactions with other human beings is relegated to your discord cults, voltron fandom, and your pizza delivery guy, BUT DID YOU THINK.... that no one noticed???? and that you were any less of a clown than the rest of us??? did you think no one noticed that your reams of self-insert porn and selfshipping fanart wasn’t just a testament to your ten million daddy/mommy issues??? did you think your content wasnt a part of the cringeship, ugly and immoral in of itself??? cuz it is. i know some of y’all will ride or die for your cult overlords, but i want you to know that they are in fact wrong and that you are in fact a dumb clown who people very much DO laugh at for being so clueless despite being such vicious bullies.

some of y’all lucky as hell most ppl just block you and keep it pushin despite the fact that SO many of you will cross the boundary of respectability and then be too much of a coward to come off anon when your friends have no problem ratting you out for being hypocritical clowns. and you’re lucky that ppl mute ur nonsense cuz they know you’ve gone on record with Several Mental Illnesses and no old bitch wants to tell a clown with low selfawareness that mayhaps they should stop cuz guess what? we aint ya parents.

bc the sad reality is, some of y’all just got no hometraining PERIOD! you come around, talmbout this and that and actin like you hot shit, but nevermind that you’re LUCKY that the old gang aint cruel enough to roll up and tell you to your face that you’re probably contributing to your bad health by being this much of a clown on the internet, and you’re LUCKY that no one’s called out some of y’all sociopathic asses so damn THIRSTY for fandom validation, but really, i want you to know that that’s all luck.

cuz eventually, and it always happens, you gon piss off a clown EQUALLY as sociopathic as you, they gon ruin ur online rep, get ya frens to turn on you, get the cult will target you next, AND laugh ya ass all the way outta town. cuz why?

[housamo-side-blog-2]

A FAMILIAR FACE PART 1

CONTINUEING!.

Harumo:Who was that guy?

That was the last question you muttered before falling asleep and dreaming about stuff, however, this time, its different your dreaming about the time where you’ve met that stranger when you were with Ryota at the shopping street, there you could see the stranger dressed with a black jacket and blue shorts,you thought you could finally see the stranger’s true face, however the image you’re being shown is only what your mind have captured and the stranger’s face appears black being covered by its hoodie, 

Harumo:Oh c’mon!, even here i couldn’t even see it.....Why am i so determined to see this person?

With your curiosity intact while asleep,you struggled to sleep as you move around in your bed making a lot of creaking noises while the night passes by hopefully those noises won’t wake up anybody, 

{NEXT DAY}

Its another day at Shinjuku Academy, the place where both transients and students of Tokyo are educated and taken care off, The summoners are in Class E chatting like the usual friends they and Kengo being shouted by Shiro for sitting on top of table,Ryota tells the others about what they did back at the shopping street of Shinjuku Park and you happen to have just arrived.

Harumo: Morning Guys!

Shiro: Good Morning Harumo, you look well today.

Kengo: How you doin partner.

Moritaka: Good Morning to you too Harumo, 

Ryota: Morning Harumo!.

Toji: Good Morning to you too.

Harumo: Looks like i made it in time for the first time guys.

Shiro: Indeed, did you have a good sleep?

Harumo: Nope!, I couldn’t stop thinking about that stranger yesterday.

Kengo: What,did you guys fought or something?

Ryota: Oh yeah! When we were running in the shopping street, i accidentaly bump into someone, 

Moritaka: I see, It appears you are not hurt Ryota.

Ryota: Nah, im fit as a feedle,its a good thing it wasn;t that serious.

Shiro: Im glad to hear that, but next time be careful when go running around in crowded areas.

Kengo: You know, your starting to sound like my mom, 

Shiro: i think you mean as a responsible adult. 

Kengo:*mutter* A boring one to be honest.

Shiro: What was that?!

Ryota: Anyway, Guys!, you have got to try Ebisu’s rainbow buns,they are the best buns you could have ever tasted!

Moritaka:Who’s Ebisu?

Ryota: Oh, He’s one of the stall vendors at shopping district, Harumo is actually friends with him. Man you guys were missing out on the deliciousness those buns where giving.

Moritaka: For Ryota to praise someone’s pastry so much, must mean that those Rainbow Buns must be really delicious.. maybe I’ll join you today,is that okay Ryota? 

Ryota:Yay!, Moritaka is coming! Always,the more the merrier they say, how about that Harumo?

Harumo: With the two of you,its going to get really fun.

Moritaka:Im grateful for you acceptance. 

Ryota: How about you guys? wanna come along?

Shiro:Im terribly sorry,I have after school cooking classes today, maybe next time then.

Kengo:No can do Ryota, i have an important sparring match today.

Toji: I also can’t come as well, because, i was tasked to guard the shrine today. My apologies.

 Harumo; AWWW, I really want to spend time with you all.

Shiro; Im terribly sorry, I’ll be sure to come with you next time.

Kengo:Yeah me too.

Toji; Maybe next time then.

Ryota:All right then, its just going to be the three of us.

Harumo and Moritaka:Yeah!

Three of you are going to be hanging today and Mr Jinn has finally arrived and is now about to start his class and the next class and so. Yup a normal school day, You go on with your studies,unknowing about the events that are going to happen.

[After 6 hours}

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS}

Class has finally ended, you’ve finally have some room to stretch your arms from the long period of sitting on your chair, 

Harumo: Ah, my shoulders are starting to get tense,

Ryota:Yay!, im so excited to go the shopping area again, are you excited Moritaka?

Moritaka:Well, off course, nothing is much more excitable than going out with your friends. 

Shiro: I have to go the economics room for my cooking class, see you later everyone.

Kengo: Man, all that sitting around made my shoulders hurt, gotta get some warm up then, see ya.

Toji: I’ll be leaving now, Good luck!

Harumo: See you later Guys!.

Ryota:Okay guys lets meet up infront of the school after we put in our bags at the dorms.

Moritaka:All right Ryota, I’ll see you two later then,

Harumo: See you guys later!

{Dorm Room}

You’ve arrived at your dorm room, put down your bag at the side and took a quick lie down on your bed facing the ceiling, you reminence about whether you are going to meet that stranger again. caught up in your thoughts your butler make his entrance.

{Ring flashes}

Lil Salomon: Hello Master!, Oh,you seem to be lost in thought. 

Harumo: Yeah, i keep on thinking about that that guy we met.

Lil Salomon: You mean the stranger that you and Ryota met at the shopping area?

Harumo: Yes.

Lil Salomon: Hmm, laying down won’t do anything Master, C’mon your friends are probably waiting for you.

Harumo: Oh, yeah thanks for reminding me. 

Lil Salomon: Thats my job as your butler Master,toodles.

You changed your clothes and wore casual clothes and went towards Shinuku Park where your supposed to be meeting, 

{BLACK SCREEN}

[DARK ALLEY}

The dark alley”s of Shinjuku is the favorite meeting spot of several criminals whether its transactions or  place to hang out, In one the alleies is one particular transient that is one to feared off, He is a guy of great strength, heartless intent, and a cold one. is seen laying down on a beaten couch snoring loudly, 

Once a comfy slumber, now turn into a hellish reality to him, as a bunch of strangers not knowing the danger they’re waiking towards.

Thug: Hey idiot, this is our turf! get lost!

Stranger:*Snoring* 

Thug 2: Looks like this runt needs a wake up call.

Thug 3: Heh, How about we bash his head on then.

The trio of idiots did not know who they were messing with as they laugh at the sleeping stranger with the intent to put him in slumber forever....

However....

Stranger: Hey,...... Thanks for the suggestion.

 Thug 1: What the......

The thug quickly had his head smacked on the stone floor, with the sudden emergence of the stranger now with a malicious grin, the other thugs could only watched in surprise as they could not register what just transpired infront of them. With a blink of an eye the other thug who was beside had his entire body thrown in the garbage pile,

Thug 3: H-hey..wHAT the hell is happening!? ,who are you?..

Panicked and fearing for what the stranger is going to do to him,a cold voice whispered to his ear and soon after, the unlucky guy ,was flung towards at a wall knocked out.

Stranger: Psst, Pathethic,man they really ruined my sleep,*yawn* it was getting good. 

Not soon after his stomach released a rumbling sound.

Stranger: I haven’t eaten in a while, maybe i should go get something from the shopping area at the Park. 

{END OF SCENE}

{Outside area of Shinjuku Park} 

You have arrived at a traffic stop and across it is your destination, Shinjuku Park, hom your friends are currently waiting for you at the food area, you are waiting for the traffic light to turn green as you wait the timer on it decreases over time, 

Harumo: What the...

You see an orange cat infront of you, when suddenly..

Harumo: Im not gonna make it...

You hurried towards the cat,that is about to be run over by a truck, everything turned slow as you see the truck getting closer and you aren’t even close to saving the poor creature from its painful death,

 A shadow appeared fast infront of you and saved the cat infront of you,however as soon as you get your bearings back,you only saw a cat running towards you,even though you didn’t save it in time,but the worked of a mysterious stranger who’s movements are so fast they appear to be inhuman.

Harumo: What...just happened? 

You realized, that was the same stranger from before and just disappeared infront of you. went on to search for him and looking left and right for him but you only see passerbies.

Harumo: What the....Where did he go? 

To no signs of him everywhere,you went on with your day and made it towards your destination.

{Shinjuku Park}

Ryota and Moritaka are sitting a bench constantly waiting for their friend to arrived and Ryota”s stomach is starting to rumble fom all the waiting and constant seeing the food placed on the passerby’s hands with its smell wafting through the air.

Harumo: Sorry guys! im late.

Ryota: You’ve made it!

Moritaka: There you are.

Ryota: Im so hungry, and seeing everyone with delicious food in their hands makes me drool.

Moritaka: Holy cow! Ryota i didn’t even notice the drool on the bench!

Ryota: That just means im very hungry, C’mon lets go.

Harumo: Right with you.

Ryota quickly dashes towards the shopping area and starts looking at the delicious food they have in stock,one by one,Ryota dashes from one store to another with inhuman speed like he isn’t affected by his hunger a moment ago. 

Moritaka: Ryota, would you please slow down?, you’re dashing everywhere.

Ryota: Heheh, sorry,...Oh,how about we go to Ebisu’s shop, i think they should be open right about now. Lets go.

Harumo: Woah! slow down, you don’t want to bump into someone again don’t you?.

Ryota: Oh yeah, sorry, Lets waik then.

Moritaka: I could never figure out,how much energy Ryota has.

{Ebisu”s stall}

Ebisu: Hi guys, its so nice to see you two again.

Harumo: HI Ebisu, 

Ryota: Heya Ebisu, I would like you to meet my friend Moritaka here.

Moritaka: Its an honor to meet you Ebisu, my name is Moritaka Shino Inuzuka i hope we could be great friends.

Ebisu: Nice to meet you Moritaka, Im Ebisu im one of the Seven Lucky Gods.

Ryota: Wait, you’re a God? 

Moritaka: Holy smokes, to think im actually meeting a God!

Ebisu: Uhm, guys.... i just inherited the memories of one of the seven luckly Gods.

Ryota: Thats still a big deal.

Ebisu: It really isn’t. ....Anyway what are you buying?

Ryota: 10 rainbow buns please!.

Moritaka: My word Ryota!, are you really eating that much?

Ryota: Don’t worry I’ll share with you guys.

Ebisu: Comin right up. Please wait a moment a please.

As you wait patiently for Ebisu’s rainbow buns, you look around the area and see a lot of people comin in and out of the area and buying delicious food, everyone in the vicinity is either seen eating takoyaki, holding a lot of bags full of food,Ryota’s nose is moving like a hound on a hunt for prey as he faces a stall with delicious fried chicken and another stall with squid on a stick.All of this different kinds of cuisine is seen one place as the smells of different foods mixed together wafting the air you currently breath and could not help but tingle your taste buds even you aren’t tasting anything, the smell alone is enough to make Ryota drool.

Moritaka: So..Many different smells coming into my nose, ,,Ahh im practicly drooling over the scents.

Ryota: I know right, we’re going to try every last one of them.

Harumo: Lets hope we brought enough money for it. 

Ebisu: All right 10 rainbow buns, order up! 

Ryota: OOOHHH! It smells so delicous Ebisu, 

Ebisu: Hehehe, Thanks for coming by, hope you come back again.

Harumo: Im going to miss you Ebisu.

Ebisu: Eh, Uhm Im going to miss you too Harumo.

Ryota: See you later Ebisu!

Moritaka: I hope we could meet again someday Ebisu, bye bye.

Ebisu: See you later Ryota! i also hope to see you again Moritaka, bye bye

Waving at Ebisu and waiking around while eating the delicous rainbow buns Ryota bought, Moritaka could not help but be in aww about how delicious it was. 

Moritaka: This rainbow buns are really delicious especially the green one. It taste like tea.

Ryota: Yeah, here,try this orange one, i bet it taste just like oranges or peaches.

Moritaka: *chewing sound* Mmmm, It taste exactly like oranges, here would like to taste it also Harumo?

Harumo: Only if you feed it to me.

Moritaka: Oh, okay then,, say ahh.

Harumo:Ahhhh * chewing sound*.........MMMMM it taste just like oranges, this is delicous.

Ryota: I think i should have a go with this white one. 

Moritaka: What do you think it would taste like? 

Ryota: One way to find out, Itadikimasu! * chewing sound*

Ryota swallows the bun and takes a second of silence, 

Harumo: Uhm...Ryota? 

Moritaka: Ryo-

Ryota: ITS DELICIOUS! 

Moritaka: Ahh, Ryota you surprised me, What did it taste like.

Ryota: Its White chocolate, and its so creamy!

Harumo: Really?!, Can i try it? 

Ryota: Sure, here you go. 

Harumo: All right down the hatch you g-

{SCREAM]

As you are about to enter a world of flavor, you were interrupted by a sudden scream from a woman, and quickly hurried over to check it out. 

Moritaka: There! 

Harumo: Hey stop!

You discovered a blue bearlike transient with a knife on its hands and threatening someone,  and when they saw you and Moritaka with a sword on his back, the robber immediately turns to take the poor lady hostage. 

Robber: Now you stay back!, Or else i’ll cut her throat out!.

Ryota: *gasping for air* hey guys i made it and Whoah! 

Harumo: You better stop this right now! 

Robber: Oh, how about make me then punk! 

Moritaka who was about to draw out his blade, noticed by the robber he immediately step back with the hostage using her as a human shield, The people behind him are steping back as they fear it could only worsen the situation. confident in his ploy, the robber tries to demand money from eveyone,    

Unfortunately with his head turned around and not noticing the chubby guy infront of him, 

Harumo: Take this! 

With no hesitation, you runned towards the robber and did a powerful punch to his face, all the barehand training you recieved from Kengo seems to be quite useful in this types of situations, the robber startled and confused from the blow lost grip from his prey.

Robber: Tha,,,,darn kid! 

He angrily tries to flee as you chase him,seemingly unable to grab him,one person appeared out of nowhere and suddenly knee kick the robber to the stomach and with the sheer force from his attack,the robber could not be atleast 10 meters away. 

Harumo: What the.. this speed...i’ve seen it before.

You’ve met face to face with the stranger from before and it appears his also the one whom you have met the other the day, Yes, the mysterious stranger whom you have met with Ryota the other day. has now appeared infront of you again and this time,Ryota didn’t bump him. 

Stranger: Really doesn’t know what the consequences are. 

Harumo: Wait! you’re that guy from before.

Stranger: Huh, who the hell are you supposed t- What the hell!

Harumo: Huh?

The stranger who was wearing the same black hoodie as before and its covering his face and its shocked to see you as if he saw something phenomenal. 

Stranger: Why do you?

Harumo: Do i know you from somewhere?

Stranger: Thats my question, Who the hell are you? 

Harumo: I ask you first. 

Stranger: Heh, well if you wanna know then....*shows his face*

Harumo: What the.....Why do you

Stranger: My name is.........

Reitan

Everything felt silent to you as you processed the image your eyes are sending to you as you couldn’t believe the person infront of you. 

Harumo: Why do you....Look like me?

[familyagrestefanblog]

Stormy weather 2

I've just been watching Stormy weather 2 and now I really have to get my opinion out, I'm genuinely angry. This. THIS is what you all are so pissy about? Are you all kidding me??

That was a more than solid recap episode, summarizing all the changes of the past seasons, wrapping it up and forshadow and set up the new ones. I literally can't with this Fandom anymore JESUS GIVE ME STRENGTH yall are blinder as you pretend Adrien is! Playing high and mighty and complain about the writing when, it's seems like, 90% of this Fandom wouldn't recognize appropriate writing FOR A SHOW WITH A STRUCTURE LIKE THIS when it would hit you in the face! I really didn't wanted to be like this and thought about just saying nothing but then I watch the actual episode and you all are so obliviously and aggressively HATEFUL against this show rn I freaking CAN'T anymore!

"we did see the fight with stormy weather!" We didn't NEED to see the fight because this wasn't a normal akuma-fighting-episode. You wanna see them fighting against her? Watch the first SW episode, that episode was about her and dealing with her. THIS episode rightfully kept its priorities somewhere else, the characters and their recaps! (PLUS the reason they chose Stormy weather is because the first one was the pilot for the entire show, it's only fitting to use her for the recap) Besides in the last part of the fight we were in the pov of the citizens, we were supposed to see the fights for once with their eyes! They were scared, confused and glued on their tvs and phones to follow the news to at least understand a little bit what's going on! You complain about not seeing the fight? Oh well my dearies THAT WAS THE POINT! The citizens never get to see what we see and in an episode where the fight is literally just an afterthought, it was the perfect opportunity to show us that side of reality.

"the episode was mostly scene from other episodes?" And how is that a problem with A RECAP EPISODE? Just because old scenes were reused doesn't it automatically make the episode bad. Just the fact that some of you think that way makes me rip my hair out in frustration! Yes alot of old scenes were used again, but it was done so the characters could give us their thoughts and opinions on them WHILE giving the happening and purpose of the scenes in the first place a conclusion and wrapping them up for what's to come. "the scenes went on too long!" well I personally disagree that it got too much, but here at least I can understand possible complaints. There certainly were scenes (like the CN and LB glaciator scene) that could have been cut down a little (but really not too much) but once again, I didn't mind. Because I figured that these scenes were chosen for a reason, so casual viewers and kids need all the informations given in them, so yeah I DIDN'T MIND

"they undid all of Chloes character development!" No they didn't, because the show never pretended like Chloe suddenly turned into a better person after being a jerk and bully for so long. Everything the show did up to this point was showing us that Chloe IS capable of changing and that she'll eventually grow into her better self and a hero in time, with patience and the right motivation. We are in season 3 of 6, why are you all expecting the show to unrealistically rush this redemption? We. Have. TIME! "This only proves that Chloe shouldn't have gotten the miraculous!" not right but not exactly wrong either. It proves that Chloe rn shouldn't be giving the miraculous for good or in normal fights that don't involve her parents because she isn't worthy of it yet. That is why the episode makes a point by showing us LB and CN not reacting to Chloes "queen bee signal" while at the same time showing us that Chloe might think she deserves to be a part of this already but everything she has done in recent past and even THIS EPISODE tells us the complete opposite. Still I understand complaints that Chloe shouldn't be the bee miraculous holder in general but I understand the two times she was Queen Bee (one was against her father so yeah makes sense and the other time was in the heros day finale where Hawkmoth literally was on the loose alongside 10.000 other akuma villains with no end in sight. I can understand the logic of giving it to her again since a fight like that certainly doesn't need a totally inexperienced hero in there and Chloe at least knows how the powers work so yeah 2.0) and the overall idea of what her character is supposed to represent in the end. Chloes character is there to show that even a rotten bully child is eventually capable of redemption and becoming a good person and hero. That is a valid and important topic in a kids/family show. I think alot of people often forget that this show is not only there to tell a "lovey dopey everything gone bad can be resolved and learned in 20 minutes go lucky story" this show and its characters are literally there to help and guide children/the viewers (I'm 20 and Adrien helps me ALOT to deal with my family issues honestly). Believe it or not children/people like Chloe exist and so do the people who have to deal with them. And it helps them NOTHING when they make Chloe a "look at what a horrible person she has been for YEARS but oh would you look at that! Now she did a couple of good things, obviously that means that she left most of her horrible ways in the past and we don't have to worry about her relapseing again, she's only getting better now" character. Honestly that helps nobody because real life people don't behave and change like that. The way they are doing it rn is very good, because this way we can see the transition between villain/bully Chloe to good/redeemed hero and friend Chloe in alot of varieties and steps to make her character more fleshed out and relatable to the audience so they actually understand the complexity of a person/situation like that and that she IS indeed worthy of redemption after everything she has done (keep in mind, she's 14! She may have done horrible horrible stuff but a 14 year old CHILD should ALWAYS be allowed to change and redeem herself).

Okay last one now since it's already half past fuck in the morning.

"Adrien is a stupid idiot for dismissing/not realizing it was Marinettes poem and they are only unnecessarily stretching the love confession out" okay first of all, Adrien DID figure out it was Marinettes poem. He no shit acknowledged that and I have no idea how yall missed that. Second of all, Marinettes love confession/feelings for him are a BIG part of the structure and overall plot of the show and it will continue to be that way (same for CN and LB), so yeah of course they are stretching it what are you expecting here? Besides, SW2 is an episode that is written to watchable everywhere in season 3, so if you actually expected from the end scene to end any other way than the writing is not the problem here. It's more than logical and obvious at this point that they cant/wouldn't do the actual step of Marinettes actually and REALLY confessing her love to him(that's a move for like the season 4 finale). But still they got us further in the plot. Adrien acknowledged the possibility but dismissed it for obvious reasons I'm getting to in a bit. Still, the step of him connecting the dots was there, stop pretending like it wasn't. Yes its stretches the whole confession thing and I KNOW that's not what yall impatient shippers wanna see, but that doesn't change the fact that the "dismissing" step is a valid and by God more than enough forshadowed step for this show to take (plus do you all actually think it's an appropriate way for the show to let Adrien find out about Marinettes love for him FOR GOOD in Form of a letter and an old poem? Gosh people Marinette deserves better than that. I'm proud of her for how far she has come but this plot arc of hers deserves a better solution than THIS). And last but not least, third of all. Adrien had solid reasons to dismiss the idea of Marinettes being in love with him, yall just pretend like literally 95% all the shows plot doesn't exists because it doesn't play out the way you want or isn't BAM IN YOUR FACE. The whole "and there is Luka" thing is not coming out of nowhere yknow? Adrien saw that Marinette showed interest in Luka and Luka in her in "frozer" plus the episode gave us a flashback of "troublemaker" where Marinette literally SAYS TO HIM no I'm not into you, I'm into fashion. I like you/I'm interested in you BUT NOT LIKE THAT! Honestly, if a friend of mine said that to me and showed interest in someone else I also would tend to dismiss the option of them being in love with me. PLUS, same as with Chloe Adriens character is actually supposed to HELP children/the viewer in simular situations as them. And the way some of you react to Adrien it tells me that you have a better home situation as him (which im REALLY glad about believe me) still you all gotta accept that children with bad parent/s like Adrien exists and they NEED to see themselves represented and dealt with. Gabriel is a horribly neglectful and distant parent and THIS can fuck up a child self worth and self esteem REEEEAL GOOD believe me. Chances are not low that Adrien couldn't believe That anybody could actually be in love with him, and even if, they would totally only be in love with the "perfect Adrien" he has to be in public. The show certainly showed us enough of Adriens insecurities, self esteem issues and inferior complex to make this an possible option. Never forget that these characters are made the way they are to help and tell/teach something to the audience even if sometimes the character or the lesson provided and learned or helped with IS NOT FOR YOU. Adriens whole character helps me personally IMMENSELY but I still see him being dismissed left and right in the Fandom. Same way with Alya for example for me, she and her arc are not made for me, still I respect her presence and importants in the show.

Okay, I'm gonna make a cut here now cuz its REALLY late now but this was worth it.

[bb-bigbang-org]

EPISODE 1: “This house offers no cute people, and I hate it” - DREW

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CODY

I am playing up a character so I’m acting kinda cold to a lot of people saying short simple answers to DM’s mostly. 

MANDI

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. i think im actually really going to love this cast.

DREW

Alright ladies and gentlemen. I'm gonna make the first text confessional and I think its gonna be very simple. 

This house offers no cute people, and I hate it. I usually flirt with one man and woman in this house, and there is NO ONE cute in this cast. But I guess, this being the inaugural season of this ORG- I can't fault them because... it was probably hard for the production to find a solid group of people! That being said, the person coming closest to /cute/ is Andrew... but we'll see how it goes it from there.

DESIREE

Here are my first impressions based on the videos!

I want to be Katrina's friend. She seems like a super cool chick.

Austin seems like a good guy but it's hard to judge without a video and without chatting.

Mandi seems really distracted in her video and I worry that she will not have enough time for this game if she has so many other responsibilities.

Drew seems like a pretty chill guy, but for some reason I suspect that there will be some drama with him later on...

Pennino's a cutie. Voting him most likely to self evict. But he seems like a good kid.

Lukas is funny, I feel like he's going to be popular from the start... Not sure which way I should go with that but I should keep an eye on him.

Sooo I guess Frosby knows a bunch of people in this ORG which is certainly concerning. But he seems like a good guy.

Brooke seems like a lost sheep which may make her a good person to keep around for the numbers.

Kayla seems cool! Seems like she is knowledgeable about BBORGS but also seems pretty levelheaded. Also, she's pregnant! How sweet! As I mentioned in my video, I want to work in medicine with pregnant women so I love that.

Joe is cohosting another ORG I'm in and I feel like the other host doesn't like me so I wonder if he doesn't like me either.

Ashley seems great. She seems like someone I would hang out with.

Love Andy! I played in The Circle Online with him!

Sammy seems cool! He also mentioned time issues, but I feel like he would be active enough. He has respects for the hosts so I imagine he won't be missing too much, just might not be as active in the house chats. Probably a good person to keep around, though.

Cody hasn't provided much info except being Australian, which is pretty cool. lol

omg Chloe's video... She seems fun, seems like the kind of drunk to give a stranger a pep talk in a bar bathroom.

KAYLA

First day in the Big Brother house and I'm already part of two alliances. One I know was made by Cody the other...I'm not sure. Cody really wants this HOH which seems risky but, that's his choice, I guess. I really don't want to win HOH at all. Like...bruh lol so if somehow my guess was accurate...I'm gonna yeet myself into oblivion. Like, I want Cody to take the fall. Let him make the bloody first moves haha

FROSBY

Frosby is back in the saddle and I already have no idea what im doing... yet again. But ya know what im here to have fun god damiit and fun is what im going to have. First off im glad to see joe made this season bc BOOM instant ally gotta love the guy. 2nd Im already making some fast friends, what can I say I love talking to people. PRetty soon im going to have so many allies I wont know what to do. This season my main goal is to try and make a little more friends with more of the ladies. I realized in my last season of BB I didn't have a single girl for an ally and I feel like I sold myself short on some good quality allies. SO im going to try my best and talk to everyone and make allies with as many people as I can so I can safely make it through the early evictions. Also my plan is play it cool with challenges until post jury time and then I step up my challenge game! That is all I got for tonight ill probably come back tomorrow with a view on big players in the game. FROSBY OUT 

CODY

TO sum up my first day of this game I am playing it hard and fast! I am ensuring that I have a majority alliance and it’s awesome because I was quite lucky to have a few pre game connections going into this so I’ve utilised all of them. And it helped that Brooke wanted to make an alliance with me and a few other people from it

I pitched to everyone that the game of Big Brother is a difficult one to navigate through which is the reason why I created this majority alliance. Now my goal is to win this HOH and start the game from the top. When I am at the top is when my aggressive nature will truly start to kick in. First of all when I decide who I nominate I am going to request an alliance chat with them and tell them that I’m on top they are on the bottom and they both have 0 chance of winning the game. Then proceed to put them on the block

Now hopefully me being so aggressive it will actually be a weird way of showing how loyal I am to my alliance. This could easily backfire of course but the idea is for them to perceive me as a goat. When in reality that’s what I want them to think and I will do everything I can to aggressively get things my way in this game. And if I find out that any of my allies are going against me and the alliance I’m going to be aggressive about how I call them out for it. And hopefully the perception will still be “yeah this guy might be mean but he’s also very loyal to his people let’s take someone else out over him”

PENNINO

So i'm here! I'm really happy to be here. But I see some faces like Joe, Kayla, and Brooke, which I know, and I'm kinda scared about playing with them, but I really need to start talking to people. 

MANDI

So, the first day Cody made a nine person alliance. which is fine and all because i am in it but he is literally running the alliance and im not sure i really trust him at all yet.. so we will see how fast this will blow up.

KATRINA

Oh boy. I’m in over my head. There’s so many new people and I have no clue how to play this game. It’s so hard keeping track of people and who they are. I think a lot of these people know each other and have played with each other before which scares me. That means I have a disadvantage. I am an outsider and they won’t see me the same as those people that they’ve already played with. I’m going to try and stay under the radar but be very friendly since that’s what worked for me in the last org that I played in. I’ve met some really nice People so far. I really like Andrew and Austin. I hope the people that I’m talking to and making friends with her trustworthy. I would really hate if I started becoming really good friends with somebody and they turned out to go behind my back. That would really suck if I was one of the first people to leave.

DESIREE

For the record, I do not want to win the first HOH. Its too early for that power and I don't want to make a splash yet. I would rather just watch from the sidelines this week.

As my theme song said - "Take one step at a time, there's no need to rush."

JOE

I feel like I’ve made some solid bonds with the people around me. Came in knowing a lot of people, and they seem like they’re all willing to work with me. I think Mandi and frosby will be my go to’s. Surprised frosby still wants to work with me after last game but I feel like I can trust him. I think I’m in a good spot for at least these first few weeks. 

BROOKE

Watching Lukas blow up unde9able is great. Especially since I was the one that ratted it out to him. He came to me and said Cody has a nine person alliance and since he’s HoH, I didn’t want to lie to him. He promised me safety in return of telling him who’s in it. I’m just gonna kick back and relax and hope he doesn’t nominate Kayla. 

DREW

Unde9nable got leaked already? I wonder who told the HoH... not I, but I did tell Chloe- and girl its a MESS. I gotta act like I'm in some sort of trouble with Lukas, but after speaking with him earlier, he knows that its a front. I literally am just not feeling Cody, and his ass needs to GO. Glad to see that I have some people agreeing with me that he's fake, he sounds robotic, and that he's disingenuous! LOVE THAT FOR ME!!! 

ASHLEY

Hey hey it’s already day 2 feeling okay. I kinda wish that the one on ones weren’t in my private messages but it’s okay. I am getting to know people and it’s cool. Pretty good so far. I like Lukas and Sammy. And I’m glad I didn’t win HOH I don’t want to be first and have a target.

CODY

So I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen moving forward with my game. Obviously the HOH plan and alliance failed and I made the decision to stir the pot a little and made a particular comment which got reported. And it made me realise it’s best to stop the crazy persona. 

I do feel like I do have some legit relationships in this game, people such as Joe and Kayla I’ve talked to a lot. I’m not entirely sure that they will want to play with me moving forward through. Thankfully I do have an alliance with Brooke which she started and like I said I do feel like I got a good bond with Joe and Kayla. However it’s probably not gonna be enough. I just spent some time chilling in voice chat with a few people and we had a good time. We talked essentially 0 game though which was absolutely fine, the only thing we did talk about was just me apologising for my actions however I feel like I’m definitely a dead man walking but I can try to use that to my advantage and say that I am an open number. I just hope that does not make me perceived as a wildcard

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 2:

HOH Competition: I was really trying not to win the first HOH competition, but I didn't throw it necessarily, I just didn't try at all. I didn't want to obviously throw, but I figured not trying would be enough not to win. WELL turns out I tied for 2nd out of 16 houseguests. WHOOPS. That was close. Anyway, Lukas won! I feel okay with Lukas as HOH. We have talked a bit and he consults with me game decisions, so I feel pretty safe. We don't have an explicit alliance, but we have said we'll have each other's back this week at least.

9 person alliance: So, apparently there was a majority alliance created in the first 24 hours of the game. Even worse, it seems that Cody created the alliance and just added random people in without consulting them first. That seems messy af. Lukas blew up the alliance in the house after someone leaked it to him. I mean, are you surprised it got leaked if people didn't even want to be in it? I would have leaked it too! Lukas may have created a target on his back by blowing that up, but it seems like most people in the house are on his side because most people weren't committed to that alliance anyway.

House Meeting: After the alliance was exposed, Cody decided to call a house meeting. He explained that he came in here and decided to play a "drill sergeant" character. He quickly realized that he was rubbing people the wrong way after he got reported for threatening physical violence. He will play as himself from now on. He was trying to save his own ass, but I think it's too late for him.

Houseguest Connections:

The person I'm the closest with in the house so far is Frosby. We got to chatting on the first night about board games and the conversation just flowed really easily. He was a part of that 9 person "alliance" but that doesn't really concern me because I believe that he was just added willy nilly and didn't have any stake in it. Other than that, I've talked game with Lukas the most. I don't have any solid alliances formed, but I wanted to wait until week 2 to really start solidifying things. I prefer to take the time to get to know people before committing to alliances.

MANDI

well first nomination ceremony went good!! i totally forgot pennino was in the game.😳 i feel bad because he is in such a different time zone then all of us buuuuut. i was nominated so thats good. i am trying my best to just be social with everyone. i have talked to ash and desiree on vc but other than that i havent talked to them at all. i have yet to talk to pennino at all. but other than that i have mostly talked to everyone either through dm or in the house chat. i am honestly scared this game.😂 i have no idea what ANYONE is thinking. im worried about brooke and kayla because they are so close and know about me and joe. i know they are eventually going to try and break me and him up. joe will always be my number one and i will always protect my little brother.😎

PENNINO

So this is a bad situation. But I want to work with Lukas. Keep your enemies REALLY close

ANDREW

My thought on my housemates so far.

(They will be rank 1-15 purposely, it’s just a first impression rank, not everything in written in stone) 

1. Lukas (we’ve had a good connection, very fluid conversation, nice dude, TOP ally rn, he wasn’t part of the 9 person alliance)

2. Frosby (he contacted me, and he was very nice, very cool, he was part of the 9 person alliance, and we were both a bit Wary about it too.)

3. Mandi (my twinsie)

4. Sammy (he’s very nice, a bit busy, but when he has a break, he talks and it’s very fluid)

5. Desiree (i know her from another org, and she maybe an ally, like be a huge threat because she knows I play a good social game)

6. Katrina (i respect her for her career choice, also she said I was funny, and well now I love her lol)

7. Chloe (party girl, fun to talk to her, that character can also be an act, but benefit of the doubt)

8. Drew (he’s Zen, cool, i like him)

9. Ashley (she’s cute, i like her for now)

10. Kayla (i got no solid opinion of Kayla rn)

11. Brooke (she’s very active, i like that, but she has already a social game going on, and obviously I’m not part of it, but that can benefit me, for now)

12. Joe (who?)

13. Austin (weed bro, doesn’t talk much)

14. Cody (catfish)

15. Pennino (he’s very young, and has a very weird time difference, I’ve played a previous org with him, and he didn’t talk at all, i bet he bites more than he can chew)

That’s is my initial ranking of my houseguests.

My strategy for this game is “smile and wave”, this is 80 days, and the dying star will be mainly based on vengeance on another houseguest or if they think it’s a threat. Keep it cute, this game is basically called the “long con”. I’m ready to play.

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 3:

Lukas nominated Cody & Pennino today, and then Sammi, Chloe, & Frosby were picked. I feel good with the nominees, Cody already blew up his game and I haven't really talked to Pennino at all. I am happy to not be picked for POV as well, because I want to lay low in the game for now. I am happy that Frosby got picked though, because he is my ally so if he wins I can at least feel involved from the sidelines.

CODY

Alright so according to a few people I might actually be safe...it’s hard to believe anything that you are told in this game. But if I’m safe then fuck yessss I’m back in it. 

It seems as though people’s views and thoughts on me have changed mostly and the votes actually might not all be coming my way. However I’m still not expecting to be kept safe because they could just be trying to make me feel comfortable! 

If I do survive I am going to try and lay low for a bit. I’m probably going to throw the next HOH, still undecided. I don’t wanna draw too much attention onto myself because if I’m in a position of nominating people straight away after surviving then people might change how they feel about me yet again especially if they’re on the receiving end of a nomination

I am also probably not going to set up any alliances either unless I feel I absolutely need to. I think instead I’m going to try and be looked upon as kind of a floating free agent. I might only try to win vetos if I get picked for them

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 4:

Sammy won POV and didn't use it. I think that was the right decision. Final nominees are Cody & Pennino. Lukas told me he doesn't care who goes home and that it's up the house, but it seems like Pennino is a pawn here. I think if there is someone in the group who is so obviously making waves, they should go for the first week. In the coming weeks, we can worry about bigger threats, but first week, I'm more in favor of evicting the person who is the most controversial.

ASHLEY

Trust ratings so far (1 most & 15 least)

1. Sammy

2. Joe

3. Brooke

4. Kayla

5. Drew

6. Mandi

7. Lukas

8. Chloe

9. Katrina

10. Frosby

11. Desiree

12. Austin

13. Andy

14. pennino

15. Cody

MANDI

UGH. i dont know who to vote for.😭 everyone is so back and forth. everyone wants cody out because he rubbed them the wrong way, and pennino. people want him gone because he isnt very active, but he is sooo nice. but also i love drama and cody is a good drama started. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO.😭😭 no one is giving me answers on who is going or who is staying.

ANDREW

Trust Ranking: 

1. Lukas

2. Frosby

3. Mandi

4. Sammy

5. Desiree

6. Austin

7. Brooke

8. Katrina

9. Drew

10. Chloe

11. Cody

12. Ashley

13. Kaya

14. Joe

15. Pennino

From 5-to 13. It can totally change during time.

DREW

Absolutely gaggin. 

Like this is how the first week is gonna end? People are gonna claim that CODY is the least threatening player than a 14 year-old. Absolutely bonkers man. Did I sign up to play Big Brother or Hopscotch? Like my god- the way that Ashley and Brooke are going around trying to PERSUADE the other houseguests that Cody is the one to keep. AND it doesn't help matters when I'm supposed to be aligned with Joe/Mandi/Katrina, and they're all like- yeah Cody isn't a competition threat and a vote shield!? 

AND WHAT OF THE DAMN 14 YEAR OLD? HUH? WHAT DOES THAT MAKE HIM?!?

Like I understand that Pennino isn't the most active, but why are we gonna be wasting a WEEK on him when he's probably gonna strike out for inactivity or something down the line?!? LIKE I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Everyone here is thinking on the short term, and I honestly hate it. I really do. 

Bollocks. I'm just so over everything that has transpired in the last 24 hours. And if this is any indication on how the rest of the game will be- then I'm gonna make it my damn mission to make sure that I get Ashley, Brooke, Frosby, Joe, and Andrew out of here. Trust and believe.

MANDI

soooo. kayla and sammy came to me and said they wanted to flip the votes and evict cody. i told them if they had the votes i would go wherever the house went. well my alliance with joe, drew, and katrina said we had the votes to keep cody. we have frosby, brooke, joe, drew, katrina, ashley, desiree, and maybe chloe?? i dont know and then me. i told sammy that they didnt have the votes to flip and that cody would be a good vote shield if we were ever on the block with him. so i finally convinced sammy to keep cody. sorry kayla and austin! i am just going where the house goes. i honestly dont care who goes home but i think keeping cody is our best option going forward in the game. plus pennino hasnt talked to me at all and i think i can trust cody.

BROOKE

Kayla really wants Cody gone but I think he should stay.. I really don’t want to go against her or lie to her but if I have to, I will.

WEEK 1 CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKxuIySz2d8

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #171

UPDATE 171: Like Punching Your Own Face

Last time Roxy had managed to create the matriorb out of thin air, and Dave and Dirk were finally having a much-needed conversation, Dave unloading everything he had in his head regarding Bro’s way of raising him. It was raw and made me sympathize a lot with Dave, but it’s not over yet. Let’s continue.

The first thing I read in this update is Dirk apologizing. Huh. It wasn’t your fault, Dirk, Dave simply had the bad luck of being raised by a sucky version of you. Then again, as it was pointed to me: Dirk himself admitted long ago that he has no business raising anyone. He’s not wrong, if this was the result. Roxy didn’t do a stellar job, but she wasn’t a complete disaster – the ocean-sized gap that’s the lack of communication between the Lalondes was the problem. All in all, maybe not having to raise them by themselves would have helped.

DAVE: you had a completely different life full of like  DAVE: different choices and actions and stuff 

He’s not wrong about that, environment shapes people a lot. I wonder how alternate Dave would have raised Dirk if there wasn’t the slight problem of Dirk being a few centuries in the future...and also if alternate Dave hadn’t been killed. That can’t have been of help either.

Dirk continues feeling responsible of what Bro did, saying he needs to take responsibility for all the splinters that are him. It’s hard to understand, a bit. I honestly can’t even start saying how complicated it is to feel like that – but somehow I have the feeling that a lot of people in the world would feel responsible for what their alternates do. I don’t know if I would.

DIRK: I've felt...  DIRK: Haunted by them.  DIRK: And what that really means is, I'm perpetually haunted by my own bad qualities. 

You literally made glasses that are filled with some of your own bad qualities, Dirk. You kinda brought that one to yourself, just saying.

Dave appreciates Dirk’s apologies, even though it feels weird to hear it from someone that isn’t the Bro he knew, which in turn makes Dirk confess that he isn’t even happy with his relationships with his peers – especially with Jake. Well yeah, no surprise there, everything is still a fresh wound. It was just a day ago or so that Jake was telling to other people that he felt suffocated. Who knows, maybe in the future that’ll change! Don’t give up, Dirk.

It’s nice to see that Dave and Dirk are trying to give support to each other despite the trouble they have to connect. It’s clumsy, it’s distant, but they’re trying. It’s more akin to pulling teeth than a heartfelt conversation, buuuuuuut it’s the best the Striders can do.

DAVE: you dont actually seem like a bad person to me though  DIRK: No?  DAVE: nah  DIRK: Why not?  DIRK: We did just meet, after all.  DAVE: because  DAVE: i dunno if truly bad people wrestle so much with whether theyre good or bad 

Dirk is not a bad person. He can be extremely difficult to deal with, but he’s not bad. I’m sure hearing it from Dave will make it resonate more than if he had heard it from anyone else, even if everyone else would be more energetic about telling him that he’s a good person. Dirk isn’t even accepting it from Dave at face value, although he is grateful about it. Everyone else idolized him, after all.

DIRK: She meant well, but was so enamored of me, and seemingly everything I did.  DIRK: Which I think was the last thing I needed.  DIRK: To be idolized in some form by other people I respected.  DIRK: I had enough of that feeling coming from within, particularly when I was younger. 

No wonder Bro ended like that. I really don’t think anyone dared to tell him about his flaws. I suppose that maybe this could be interpreted as a sign that Bro respected Dave, but I’m not going to think that’s correct. That relationship was pretty messed up, after all.

Dave sounds genuinely floored to hear everything his alternate self did in Dirk’s universe, including killing clown presidents and somehow managing to make a million Statues of Liberty. I’m still wrapping my head around that one. Could that have been how things would have gone if the world hadn’t ended horribly? Hm...no. The movies and all were a way to give the Condesce a sucker punch, no Condesce means those concrete movies wouldn’t exist. It’s hard to say what would have happened. Maybe Dave really would have gone into the fields that study dead stuff.

Dirk tried to follow Dave’s perceived good traits. Golly, Dave must have never seen that coming.

DIRK: You get to apply all that potential you showed in one reality to something much bigger and more existentially critical.  DIRK: Whatever strength you showed in trying to save a dying planet, the fact is, I think we need that more here.  DIRK: And the trials inherent in being a part of something like this, I think they bring more out of you than a relatively pedestrian life on Earth would. Make you face more things about yourself. At least, that's been true for me. 

Oh hey, I just realized that this alternate Dave pretty much did everything that’s expected of the Dave we know: fight, resist, and pretty much be a cornerstone of the rebellion against the Condesce. He’s everything Dave doesn’t think he can be. Think about that, Dave.

DIRK: I hope it doesn't come off as overly sentimental garbage, but it seems to me like you turned out to be a really good dude.  DIRK: Like, really, a better sort of dude I ever imagined talking to when I pictured meeting the legendary guy I idolized.  DIRK: I pictured him as probably being "too cool" to be the type of guy you are.  DIRK: But you know what, fuck being too cool for that.

Congratulations, you pretty much punched Dave’s hopes from when he was thirteen years old. It’s for the better. Somehow hearing that Dave is not the “cool” person Dave had once hoped Bro would see him as catches him off-guard. Here we go! This’ll be the turning point for Dave, won’t be it? Things are going to change for him – hopefully! Dave certainly had the big character arc in Homestuck, even if he says people don’t have arcs.

And here we go!

DAVE: its really fucked up of me  DAVE: what im presently doing  DAVE: so  DAVE: sorry about that  DIRK: Oh, y-  DIRK: Yeah.  DIRK: Man.  DIRK: This is some fucked up shit alright.  DAVE: i know

This is much more than I expected. Of all things that could happen, a hug wasn’t even close to the top of the list. This is actually a pretty sweet moment, I’m glad it actually happened. Part of me was sure Hussie wouldn’t show them talking, but he did. I’m glad I was proven wrong about it.

So! There’s only one conversation left before things may kick into overdrive straight towards the last part of Homestuck! Roxy is going to meet Kanaya, surely to give her the matriorb. Things are winding down everywhere else, it won’t be long now!

Roxy appears from the skies with a ‘heeeeeey’ and repeats it a few more times, preparing the surprise by telling her to guess what she brought. I can guarantee that the matriorb is not going to be a guess here, hah!

KANAYA: Is It The Thing Behind Your Back  ROXY: yup but u gotta be more specific  KANAYA: Is It A Little Piece Of Paper That Says Hey On It  ROXY: hahahahaha no but that would be SO FUNNY! 

I won’t lie, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it hadn’t been that. Wish you had thought about it before. Maybe there’s still time to write “I.O.U one (1) matriorb” on any random rock and give it to her...or maybe that’d be cruel. Shrug.

Not wasting any more time, Roxy presents the matriorb, much to Kanaya’s astonishment. She’s so surprised she can barely express her surprise while Roxy tries to explain in vague terms. Look at that, Kanaya has tears in her eyes! It must be hard to describe, the feeling of hope in seeing the way the troll race is going to be resurrected. Keep it away from the Condesce and everything should be fine.

Nobody would have thought that the way to revive the trolls would just be given to her like this, but she can’t complain. There’s a lot of work to do, the mother larva isn’t going to raise itself. There’s a life of duty and work ahead of her.

Where’s Karkaroni, asks Roxy? “Meditating”. With his face deep into the dirt. You’re so lucky you’re telling this to someone Roxy doesn’t know very well, nobody else would believe such answer.

Roxy gets into her role of Rose’s mother and tries to know Kanaya better, asking about the meteor tri, where everybody formed small groups and only convened like twice of three times. It wasn’t the social jamboree Roxy imagined. Could have been worse, Roxy. It was worse once. At least now everyone is more or less getting along and Kanaya is aware she needs Karkaroni’s help so trolls aren’t like in Alternia.

...having doubts about fighting? Well I can understand Kanaya would want to protect the matriorb and that she believes her skills are not as good as everyone else’s, but if the Condesce isn’t defeated that matriorb will only be good as a paperweight. Roxy points all that and tries to give Kanaya encouragement about her skills. Well not many things can beat a chainsaw in power. That’s all enough to convince Kanaya to go with her and prepare for the fight.

Now that all the dialogue options are over, the point of view returns to the dream bubble where Vriska has gone to harass herself. Yeah, don’t ask me why she’s bothering to do this.

Okay, I read one page and I’m already feeling a bit sick. I don’t know how Hussie is doing this, managing to make me dislike Vriska after I spent most of her appearances liking her. In just a few hundred pages he’s managing to make me not want to read her anymore. It’s going to be difficult to write something that isn’t constant grumbling. Well, there’s one thing...

VRISKA: Remem8er when you used to care a8out that sort of thing?  VRISKA: No, o8viously not.  VRISKA: All you care a8out now is 8ullshit hipstery fashion trends, feeling "happy", and... whatever the fuck it is you're doing here?  VRISKA: Frolicking with some horses in an ugly field or some shit. VRISKA: Just a8solutely disgraceful.  VRISKA: How could I have 8ecome so selfish??  VRISKA: You do know this is selfish, right?  VRISKA: This isn't having some fucking "epiphany" or like "growing as a person" or whatever self-serving spin you might 8e putting on what's happening here.  VRISKA: It's just plain narcissism, the worst kind you're capa8le of. A total renunci8tion of any responsi8ility for contri8uting to the gr8ter good.  VRISKA: And it makes me FUCKING SICK. 

...I have no words. Yeah, looking for personal happiness is selfish, but there’s nothing wrong with being reasonably selfish. I just...I can’t say anything about this that isn’t some sort of circular argument that in the end isn’t worth typing here. I just can’t say anything.

VRISKA: Contrary to your lazy fakey "happy" shit, I've ACTUALLY GROWN AS A PERSON.  VRISKA: What do you think of THAT, you frivolous, dithering 8ITCH???????? 

Like hell you did!

Just...agh.

Looks like the dead Vriska wasn’t wrong, the horses really is a bad omen for her. Meenah is leaving her and going with the Vriska that is alive. At least Meenah has the decency to be conflicted about what she’s feeling and all, but damn, what a way to punch someone that’s already down, Hussie.

Meenah likes dead Vriska a lot, and she admits it, but she’s bored of having an idyllic life with dead Vriska. She wants to fight Lord English and here’s the chance to do it. Dead Vriska may have changed, but Meenah is the same than before, and that one isn’t content with sitting on the sidelines. That’s why she’s leaving – more or less.

I feel bad for dead Vriska. It’s almost hard to believe that the end for the character I knew for so long is this – or at least this seems like the end. It feels...weird. I feel really bad for her. I wish this hadn’t gone for this. Heck, Meenah deciding to go fight Lord English would have been understandable. I just wish this whole thing hadn’t needed to happen.

Hm. I think I should be stopping here for now.

Next update: next time

[rantsbymiriam]

Nightmares

I had a terrible nightmare last night. It was so bad that im still thinking about it today....so vivid in my memory as if it actually happened to me. Thats the thing about dreams, you actually feel all the emotions when you dream. And when you have a bad dream, you feel it as though it was real.

I dreamt I was in a school bus filled with school children and we all got into a major accident. We crashed into the river..but it wasn’t a river..it was a river filled with oil. You cant swim in it. (gila climate change dream)

I survived. The bus driver managed to haul me out. The children died. I cried so much. The bus driver told me that we should leave the area immediately and act like nothing happened so no one would find out. I was appalled at his suggestion but I was too much in shock to be able to process his suggestion. Then suddenly im back at home trying to tell an ex of mine what happened to me with the accident and all. And he just ignored me. 

Then I woke up. 

How many layers of trauma can you point out in this very dream? So many! I dreamt abt dying chlidren!!

 I have a bajillion things to do at work today and all I can think about is 

1- The children died. I can hear their cries. 2- wtf is wrong with the bus driver 3- wtf is my ex boyfriend of 10 years ago doing in my dream ignoring me? Seriously wtf. dah dah la tu. 

Obviously whatever thats going on in your dreams is a reflection of your reality.  Howver, my reality is not so bad now though. Work is work. I should feel pretty excited about whats to come for work stuff (murals and new projects and shit) but I think at this point of my life i cant derive happiness from work anymore. In the beginning I could because everything was new and exciting and now everything is just work...blerghhh..

You know what I need to get? A life. Thats what I need to get. I spent the whole of 2018,2019 focusing all my energy and time on work and figuring out the business....but its already the end of 2019...and im legit dying for something new. I also think I need to start dating again. You know, be a normal 31 year old single woman.

I just dont know how to anymore. All the things I used to like a few years ago...before I left for London in 2016...going to bars, clubbing, partying...im just not into anymore. Whenever I am invited to go, or think about going, my head immediately feels heavy...like my entire body refuses to do all these things...

So i’ve been trying out new activities...like THRIFTING. I am a natural thrifter. It gives me so much satisfaction if I find something I love for RM2. I went last weekend with some friends and we found a RM2 MARIMEKKO PLATE WHAT WHATTTTTT. If thats not a steal I dunno what is. I used to sell these plates at Janine and they’re like RM50. 

I said in my last post that i’ve been getting back into my music.....which is really playing the guitar again..playing my ukelele....writing music..singing to myself. Why did I even stop doing this? I loveeeee music. But for the longest time, ive had the weirdest most complicated relationship with all the music I love. (to cut the story short, a lot of bands trigger my PTSD LOL) I’ve been trying to deal with all these triggers and FORCE myself to listen to the songs and create new memories attached to it. 

I notice this abt myself. When I go through a bad experience in life... when im out of it... I avoid everything to do with that time of my life like THE PLAGUE. Even when the experience also had good stuff in it, I still avoid. I don’t think this is a good way fo navigating life.

For example, last night I went to watch Last Christmas with my mom and my sister (#romcomnight) and the movie was shot in London. I legit had so many WEIRD flashbacks of my time in London. It was non stop. Good and bad memories. mostly bittersweet.  I couldn’t bring myself to really get into the movie because THE ENTIRE MOVIE TRIGGERED ME. I need to deal with this. I WONT allow just a shitty time in London make me hate an entire city that I used to love. Ahh.. London...what a weird time of my life. Thats the moment I realize you can get what you want in life, but still be unhappy about other shit. It never stops. More on that later. 

You know another city that triggers me? Singapore. Oh my god. Now I have 2 freaking countries that make me have the hibbyjibbies when I go there. 

Anyway, this year, I plan to stop getting triggered with crap that doesn’t even directly affect my day to day life. Like music, movies and entire cities that i’ve been completely avoiding because it triggers me so much. As you can obviously guess by now, relationship memories trigger me. I now know that it isn’t the relationship per se that triggers me, it isn’t even the person im seeing. It is just me being overly sentimental and having all these childhood traumas that come back to haunt me when I date people.

And it only comes out when I start getting intimate with people. All my emotional baggage from being abandoned and neglected as a child comes back tenfolds with any guy I date. He could be the nicest guy in the world and I would still have to deal with my baggage. I know my nightmare last night is probably a reflection of all these experiences i’ve had as a child.

It took me a looooongggg ass time to accept and forgive all the people who had hurt me as a child. If you dont know yet, childhood trauma is one of the main reasons why people behave / do / believe in what they do / have unhealthy coping mechanisms...and it can REALLY affect relationships and how you are in a relationship if one does not deal with these traumas properly. It also affects how you deal with stress and stressful situations. It affects everything really. For me it affects EVERY SINGLE THING abt my life, except work related stuff .People always assume I have my shit together because when its work related im almost always on the good side of things. My personal life is the opposite of my work life. It used to be a disaster area. Literally a hurricane went through it and nobody rebuilt it. It was just left there in shambles...Theres a rave happening in the middle of it.....Not really a happy rave...more like a rave happening out of desperation, like “fuck we live in a hell hole. LET’s RAVE!!!” Instead of cleaning up the mess, I chose to rave. Omg. Thats totally me and my life haha. Anyway, that was back then. Currently my personal life is a beautiful garden straight out of a Monet painting..theres a beautiful cottage right by the river.....flowers are blooming everywhere...Its pretty scenic...fantabulous...level boleh masuk Architectural Digest (welcome to my crib)...... The only problem is that its completely EMPTY.... More on that later. 

Back to childhood traumas, I am not the only one in the world with childhood traumas. EVERYONE has childhood traumas in one way or another. EVERYONE has baggage.  You reading my blog here. You have traumas. It’s only a matter of being AWARE of ones trauma or not. Thats your own journey to find out. Some people are lucky to have been born into mentally healthy and happy families, GOOD FOR YOU BRO.

Im not special at all. I hear stories front left and centre about relationships falling apart because of they haven’t properly dealt with all their mommy and daddy issues...and issues regarding the self....

Anyway I dont even know why im talking about this right now..I guess the dream last night made me realize that ive totally been avoiding dating or having relationships (or even meeting new people) and using work as an excuse to not have to deal.

Then again, its not like TINDER has the best quality of men in the world Lol so I know im not missing out on much. But I know I must. 

For the sake of my “art” and creativity. I’ve never been a full time artist AND be in a relationship at the same time. I always wondered all these artists and their “muses” - being inspired by another person to create your art....I find it fascinating. 

If you read about Frida Kahlo’s life and her artist boyfriend...whoa..thats like ART TELENOVELA....Artists are so passionate when it comes to love. I scare myself when I think about it. Artists have no chill honestly. When they feel, THEY TRULY FEEL. Im sure many artists are able to properly regulate their emotions and are just normal ass people...but the artists I know are all super mad in some way....

Which is why, I believe this is the best profession for me. There was no way I could work in an office and be a robot...churn out report after report and new marketing strategies when there is so much ABOUT LIFE out there to get inspired by...I guess this is a topic for another time which I really wanna talk about. Basically how I came into “myself” when I made the change to do what I really want in life. I changed my hair and dressing too.....I suddenly realized “Why am I wearing all this 9-5 bullshit? Why TF am I wearing an A line skirt” I can wear whatever the hell I want I dont have a boss or have to be “professional” and I can get away with wearing a plastic bag on my head if I wanted to. And here I thought I was a “non-conformist” There was so much more I was subconsciously “conforming” to and didn’t realize. Dressing and hair are just surface level stuff....Theres a whole lotta “lifestyle” choices that ive been re-thinking too....Also the sacrifices i’ve made to do the business...I had to do a whole entire LIFESTYLE rehaul for me to be able to afford doing my business......(this is something that I REALLY want to share. Cause chasing your dreams ain’t easy. People only see the glamorous parts of it)

Thats a post for another time. For now, I really gotta go back to work and FINISH UP SOME REALLY EXCITING PROJECTS....

(I tried to do this in caps lock to hype myself, but it didn’t work. im dreading work today....oh well) Im human. some days we get nightmares and it fucks up our entire day.