#gordon didn’t even want to hurt dean

[chrispineofficial]

what if. okay and hear me out but. what if deangordon 2x03 bloodlust messy blowjobs in the motel room while sam was being kidnapped 👀

[take-it-on-the-run]

And I Love Her

Sam Winchester x Reader

The reader and Dean are being tortured by Gordon Walker because of her relationship with Sam, and all they can do is hope he'll get there in time.

Word Count: 1.5k

Tags: Torture, graphic depictions of being cut into, descriptions of gore and severe bodily harm, Sam Winchester is out of character depending on who you ask

Characters: Sam Winchester, Reader, Dean Winchester, Gordon Walker

@ghostlyaccurate requested: "Hii! Can I request a Dean and/or Sam Winchester (sepperate) x fem! Reader set in season two, with an established relationship, where it's like when Gordon kidnaps Dean, but instead of just Dean he also kidnaps reader. (I can imagine if it's a Dean x reader Gordon uses reader to get Dean to not try anything, and if it's a Sam x reader Sam just going even more ballistic than he originally does in the show). Thank you!!"

Read it on AO3!

A/N: Beatles title. My first Sam fic! Honestly, it was really hard writing this one for some reason, and after five revisions I'm still not completely in love with it. Regardless, I hope you enjoy, and heed the warnings! Do not read if this will make you uncomfortable!

Sam Winchester Masterlist | Supernatural Masterlist | Main Page Masterlist

Gordon stared blankly at the wall in front of him while you tugged at the ropes on your wrists. A bandana was tied tightly around your mouth that tasted like dirt and your own blood. Dean was tied up to the left of you in a similar state, and both of you were staring down Gordon like it would kill him.

Traps lined every entrance from the doors to every small crack in the wall. Sam was powerful, but you doubted he could break through solid brick. Grenades, tripwire, even a shotgun trap that looked like something straight out of a movie; Gordon wanted Sam dead at all costs.

You knew your boyfriend would come to you and Dean’s rescue, but damn was this cutting it close. Gordon had already tried his best with Dean, but when it was your turn, he took his sweet-ass time.

He punched you, kicked you, even spit on you. Now, you tried your best to not scream as he dragged a knife against the soft flesh between your neck and shoulder.

You failed.

Biting down on the bandana, a muffled scream ripped through your lungs. You tried focusing on Dean, but he wouldn’t meet your eyes which were spilling over with more tears than you thought were in your body.

You could feel your blood dripping down your back and your chest, slithering its way to the floor as Gordon wiped his blade with the rag in his back pocket. He wrenched your head to the side, forcing the fresh wound close and for more tears to streak down your face.

He repeated his process on you a few times.

Your arms.

Your hands.

Your legs.

Every time somehow hurt more than the last, the hunter pulling open your skin and snapping it back together like a rubber band. Your vision was spotty, but you held steadfast to the thought that your boyfriend would be here any minute to save the day like he always did.

Gordon took a step back, wiping sweat and blood from his face and arms. He looked down at you with a glare that you’ve held plenty of times for the less-than-human creatures in the world. You guessed that, in his eyes, you, Sam, and Dean, were held in a similar regard.

Snaps.

Taunts.

Cracks.

Screams.

All because you fell in love with someone born under a bad sign.

You didn’t regret meeting Sam. Kissing him, falling for him, even the idea of just having him in your life was enough for your mind to justify the situation you were in. It wasn’t his fault you were having your life drained out of you minute by minute, and you hoped he would be smart enough to know that.

“Sam’s going to be here any minute, you know. Gotta convince himself he’s the hero of this story, and I’m the big,” Gordon turned to you, knife in hand, “bad, evil dragon. But I’m not the one with demon blood, am I, Y/N?” He placed the edge of the blade against the bottom of your chin. You could feel the cold steel heavy against your skin, and any sudden move would surely spill even more of your blood.

Dean glared at Gordon, his face shades of purple and blue, which mirrored the pain you felt along your entire body. Gordon dug the knife into the bottom of your chin, piercing your skin ever so slightly, but not enough to fatally wound you. Your mind was trying hard to hold onto the cracks of reality that remained in your vision; the smell of the dingy house you were in, the feeling of the carpet making contact with your boots, anything that wouldn’t send your consciousness reeling over was enough of an anchor for you to hang onto.

Gordon walked away from the two of you, returning to his position of peering out one of the boarded-up windows in wait for Sam. You glanced at Dean, which granted you a glance back from him. His eyes were dry, but they held enough behind them to let you know what he was thinking. Sam was going to burst into this booby-trapped hellhole, and Dean could do nothing but blame himself.

It’s all your fault, really, a thought that smashed through what you knew was the truth said.

This isn’t any of our faults, you told it back, wanting to tell Dean the same. Sam wasn’t to blame for the two of you being taken, and neither of you was at fault for being used as bait; it all landed in the hands of the rogue hunter who deemed himself holier-than-thou.

Though you couldn’t see yourself, you knew you were starting to resemble a bloody pulp more than a human being. Dean could barely look your way for longer than a second, and deep cuts that surged whether you moved or not continued to scrape away at your consciousness.

Gordon disappeared, and as you tried to turn your head to follow him, you felt a burning pain across your chest. Highlighted by a spurt of blood splattering over your thighs, you wanted to vomit. The top of your head started to feel like it was being lifted off from the rest of your skull, and the black spots in your vision connected at the edges of your eyes.

You grunted, head going slack and opening wounds on the back of your neck. Either spit, blood, or bile dripped out of your mouth, but at that moment you didn’t care- the black at the corners of your eyes bled together, and all you could do was limply hope Sam would find you.

You blinked, slowly, noticing light creeping in from the boarded-up windows. The second thing you noticed was the searing pain in your body, coupled with grunting and what you could guess was a well-landed punch.

“Y/N!” Someone called out to you, but you could barely lift your head to meet their voice. The bandana in your mouth was pulled away and hands cupped your face, warming your skin that was ice cold after losing so much blood.

The hands left your face and moved to the ropes at your wrists, cutting them off quickly and placing your arms in your lap. You forced your eyes up high enough to see it was your hero, Sam, standing before you with tears starting to fill his eyes. If your face would’ve let your smile, you would’ve, but every movement flashed the memory of Gordon cutting into you.

Gordon.

“Where’s-” You managed to sputter out through a sore jaw and a severely dry mouth.

“Dead,” Sam answered coldly. For the first time, you noticed his knuckles were a hue of bright purple, complimented with blood splattering up his arm. Sam moved your arms around his neck and picked you up as gently as he could.

“Dean’s already in the car patching himself up. I’m going to try and lay you down in the back seat so we can get to the closest hospital. I left Gordon in the room by the first door, so keep your head to my chest if you don’t want to see him, okay?” He asked softly. The tears that were in his eyes had faded slightly, but you could see the emotions he’d no doubt try to hide later on. Regret, blame, guilt - the more he looked at you, the more you could sense that your battered state was tearing away at his consciousness. You wanted to reach out, hold his face, and tell him you’d be okay, you’d survived worse, that it wasn’t his fault, but your thoughts were halted by Sam stepping past Gordon’s body.

If you could call it a body, that is.

His nose was sunken into his face enough that his eyes were slightly popping out of their sockets. His mouth had more gums than teeth, which were scattered around the room. He was lying against a dresser, and his limbs were spread out in the wrong directions. You thought you saw a bone, but before you could look closer, Sam turned and shut the door behind you.

Sam laid you across the back seats of the Impala, trying his best to be gentle with the abhorrent number of cuts across your body. You couldn’t guess how the hospital wasn’t going to ask questions, but you hoped the brothers would figure that out. Your head laid in Sam’s lap, and he looked out the window as Dean buried Gordon.

“Sam,” you slowly moved one of your arms to his face, bringing his attention to you, “thank you. You saved us both. You had to do what you had to do.”

Sam smiled but still didn’t say a word as he dipped down and planted a gentle kiss on your forehead.

You wanted to be able to tell him everything your racing mind was coming up with but were beaten by the overwhelming need to not move. Dean climbed into the front seat, beating the gas pedal to the floor and hitting the highway as Sam ran his fingers comfortingly through your hair.

[pagannatural]

2.03 Bloodlust

-Sam flirts with Dean by telling him (and the Impala) to get a room. Meanwhile he’s looking at Dean like this and the two of them are, literally, getting a room.

-Sam tells the bartender “we’re looking for some people” and the bartender says “sure, hard to be lonely.”

Sam blinks wide, grimaces. Dean looks at him, assessing. Sam looks down and then at Dean while he says “yeah, but, um…” slowly, then he regroups and pulls out a fifty, “that’s not what I meant.” There’s a sexual implication to being lonely and looking for someone at a bar, and the brothers share a very loaded look about it. It’s like this bartender accidentally hit on a truth.

Sam has been lonely for Dean. He’s been trying to get Dean to talk to him and spend time with him since their dad died, and Dean has been shutting Sam out emotionally. Sam knows Dean is lonely for him too, even though he won’t say it.

-Sam notices something is off when Dean says he’s been itching for a hunt. He and Dean also make prolonged eye contact after Dean kills a vampire and his face is spattered with blood, and Sam notices Dean is unsettled. They give each other strength just by staring into each others eyes. Sam’s always paying attention to Dean.

-Dean also notices right away that Sam’s off and asks him if he’s okay. Noticing Sam, for him, is less watchful and more like noticing the orbit of his own moon. Gravity’s off, something’s up with Sam.

-Sam went from correcting Dean every time he used Sam’s nickname to “he’s the only one who gets to call me that.” It’s so possessive, like he’s saying I’m his not yours. Dean notices and smiles to himself. Then he says “Sammy remind me to beat that buzzkill outta you later” you’re gonna do what to him later?

-Sam’s development from telling Dean he has to let him go to identifying him as the only one who can use his nickname is also the change from Sam seeking distance to Sam acquiescing to being Dean’s.

-Dean tells Gordon a story about killing a monster at 16 while Sammy waited in the car. He didn’t need to mention where Sammy was, he wasn’t a part of the story, but he has a condition* that makes him talk about Sammy to strangers whenever he’s not there (*wretched, soul-crushing love).

-Dean tells Gordon he always thought of his dad as indestructible. Now he’s questioning everything about his dad’s teachings and realizing the version of John in his head is not the only one.

-Sam says he sees through Dean’s fake smile and knows how Dean feels, because he feels the same way. When Sam says that Dean’s behavior is “an insult to [John’s] memory,” Dean kind of nods and raises his eyebrows like “you have no fucking idea” before punching Sam in the face.

-For once, Sam is way off about Dean. He has no idea how Dean feels or what he’s dealing with. The idea of insulting vs honoring John’s memory is complicated for Dean right now. He’s seeing Sam being protective of John for maybe the first time ever and I can just imagine Dean thinking, I raised you, and the man you finally want to respect as your father asked me to kill you.

-Dean looks regretful after he punches Sam, like he’s realizing he took it too far, and Sam looks hurt and taken aback, his eyes searching to and away from Dean and his mouth open. And then Sam tells Dean, “you can hit me all you want. It won’t change anything.”

There are some potential layers to that.

1. They’re arguing about something else here, at the same time—whether or not vampires can choose to act ethically or if they’re inherently evil. Sam implores Dean not to kill them, believing the former. Dean wants killing to be black and white due to Dead Dad’s Last Words reasons. Hitting Sam won’t make the issue any clearer.

2. Sam’s words could be interpreted as “you can hurt me all you want and it won’t change how I feel.” About Dean. Or “whatever you do it won’t change the way things are.” Between them.

3. Sam has been begging Dean to give him something real and emotional, he’s been pushing and pushing him to get a reaction, escalating and becoming more desperate. Now Dean has responded. He’s hurt Sam, but that means he’s touched him out of uncontrollable emotion—or better yet has chosen to inflict his feelings and needs upon Sam’s body. The pain is better than nothing.

It’s hard to be lonely.

-When I first saw this scene I was shook. Dean hit his baby brother! My best guess is that Dean has never punched him like this before, outside of the context of sparring. I might be wrong about that, but the way Sam accepts the punch and turns slowly back to Dean with that disbelieving look felt too significant. I thought Sam was going to feel betrayed or scared, but Sam’s resolve strengthens, he gazes after Dean, and then he follows him.

And then things go right back to normal between them.

-Another thing Sam is missing is that Dean trusts Gordon partially because Dean can identify with Gordon. Gordon said he hunts vampires because vampires killed his sister, and Dean trusts another protective brother.

-Sam tracks the nest and Dean says “you’re good. You’re a monster pain in the ass, but you’re good.” Just like that they’re reconciled. Sam’s face is probably still throbbing, it’s been like 3 minutes.

-When Gordon pulls a knife on Sam and admits he killed his sister himself, it’s over for him. Dean is not having any of that.

-Dean punches Gordon in the face in front of Sam, then moves really close to Sam to tell him they can leave now. It’s like he wants Sam to see what he’ll do to anyone who threatens him. Dean is the only one who’s allowed to hurt Sam. He also asks Sam to punch him to get him back, so he clearly feels guilty.

-Dean’s true nature is a huge theme in this episode. He’s trying to understand who he is. Gordon tells him that he was “born to hunt” and “a killer like me.” John wrote the same things about child-Dean in his diary.

At the end of the episode, Dean tells Sam that he has the instinct to kill and would’ve killed the vampires. That’s how he was raised, it’s what John told him to do. I love how Dean is a caregiver and a killer in equal measure, he takes naturally to both violence and nurturing.

Sam reminds him he made the right choice. Dean says “yeah cause you’re a pain in my ass.” He made the decision because of Sam. He’ll kill for Sam but he’ll also decide not to kill for Sam.

Sam says “I guess I might have to stick around to be a pain in the ass then.” Dean thanks him and gazes at him intently. Even here, notice the mention of their connection being painful.

Sam is now agreeing to stick with Dean not because of what John would’ve wanted but because he’s accepting his role as Dean’s guiding light, the one thing that gives him a sense of purpose and good.

Dean’s purpose is not killer or caregiver, but protector. He’s guardian of Sam’s soul.

[pink-sparkly-witch]

The Widow - Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Summary: Sam and Y/N are happily married, but everything changes after a fatal car accident leaves her a widow. The Winchester motto: "Family Don't End with Blood," takes on a whole new meaning for Y/N as she navigates her new normal with the help of her brother-in-law, Dean. But what no one can tell her, is what happens when she falls in love again?   

Pairing: Sam Winchester x F!Reader (past) | Dean Winchester x F!Reader (eventual)

Warnings: fluff, first date, kissing, angst, tears, language

Words: 3,236

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The leaves are starting to change colour now, you notice as you walk through the park on your way to have lunch with Dean. The year has seemed to have gone by in the blink of an eye, and it surprises you to think it’s been so long since Sam died. Christmas, Sam’s birthday and your wedding anniversary were tough days, but you got through them. The next big hurdle will be the anniversary of his death, but you’ll handle that as you’d handled everything so far, taking it a day at a time – or hour at a time, if you needed to.

Thursday has quickly become your favourite day. Dean insisted on these weekly lunches to check in and keep an eye on you. At first, you hated them, assuming he felt some kind of obligation to look after you, or because he didn’t think you could look after yourself. When the grief had lessened and you began to feel more like yourself again, you realised how wrong you were.

Yeah, he asked how you were doing and if you were taking care of yourself, but then the conversation would quickly become about work and how your week had been, and he had a genuine interest in you and your life. Whenever you smiled, his face would light up like a Christmas tree, and when you laughed (particularly if he’d been the one to make you do it), he would grin so wide you feared his cheeks would hurt.

In turn, you became somewhat of a confidante for Dean too. He’d opened up to you about his plans for the family business when John finally decided to hang his coveralls up. He wanted to expand and open another shop across town. He wanted to take in troubled kids and train them on how to be mechanics. He has such a big heart, and it didn’t surprise you that he wants to save kids from taking the wrong path. What was more of a shock, was Dean asking you to help him make it happen. Before you’d even opened your mouth to protest, he cut you off with a firm voice: “I know what you’re going to say, and it’s bull. You’re a part of this family, Y/N. Maybe not by blood, but you are a Winchester. Besides, family don’t end with blood, or even a name, sweetheart.”

It was then you knew the weekly lunches weren’t just to look after “Sammy’s girl” and Dean genuinely did care for you and considered you his family. It was humbling, and it helped you to heal because you’d been worried John and Dean would lose patience with you and eventually stop checking in or inviting you to Sunday dinner. The fact that Dean asked you to join the family business to oversee the expansion, even though you’d yet to give him an answer, meant the world to you.

The Impala is already in the car park when you arrive at the Roadhouse and as you pass her, you ghost your fingers over her hood in a wordless greeting before heading into the restaurant. Walking into the building, you smirk as you see Jo twirling her hair around her fingers and giggling at Dean who has a patient smile on his face, but his bouncing knee gives away how uncomfortable he is with the unwanted flirtation.

“Hey, Jo!” You smile at the blonde, and see Dean’s shoulders drop as he visibly exhales at your timely arrival. “How are you?”

“Good, thanks! Can I get you your usual drink?” The waitress asks.

“Please,” you answer as you slide into the seat across from Dean.

“Oh, and Gordon’s special today is chicken parm,” Jo grins at you, knowing it’s your favourite.

“You know me too well!” You laugh.

“Dean?” The blonde bats her lashes at him.

“A bacon cheeseburger with extra fries. She always steals mine,” he points at you with a smirk and you chuckle softly.

“Alright, I’ll go get those drinks and put your order through. If you need anything else, just shout,” with one last flip of her hair, Jo sashays away with an exaggerated sway of her hips.

“Are you ever going to tell her you’re not interested?” You smirk at Dean as he scratches the back of his neck.

“What? She’s not interested in me,” Dean protests and you laugh loudly.

“Oh, come on! It is so obvious she’s into you! And here I thought you were Lawrence’s answer to Casanova!” you cackle.

“Yeah, well… people change,” Dean defends weakly. “I haven’t done any of that since the night Sam died, you know that.”

“Still?” You try so hard not to show your shock, but according to Dean’s bitch face, you fail miserably. “I’m sorry, that was rude. And absolutely none of my business,” you backtrack, and relax as you see Dean’s jaw unclench and his shoulders lower.

“It’s just…” he trails off and takes a deep breath. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just… the last time I went home with someone from a bar, my brother was killed.”

“I get it, Dean. You don’t need to explain to me,” you smile softly, and the conversation dies away as Jo sets down your drinks.

“So, what about you?” Dean asks almost shyly once Jo has left again.

“What about me?” You frown, before taking a sip of your beverage.

“The guy from work that keeps flirting with you. Have you asked him out yet?”

“Okay, first of all, he’s not flirting with me, he knows that I lost my husband and he's just being friendly…”

“Ha!” Dean scoffs, “friendly my ass! He wants to see your ass, if you know what I mean!” He pumps his eyebrows lewdly at you. 

“Second,” you say ignoring him completely, “even if he was flirting with me, I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship yet.”

“Who said anything about a relationship? I said ask the guy out,” Dean says softly. “Dress up, have a night out on the town, have a little fun. No one’s saying you need to marry the guy.”

“I just don’t think it’s the right time. And I don’t even know if it’s something I want again,” you admit.

“What? Y/N, come on sweetheart. You can’t seriously think you’re never gonna fall in love again, do you?” Dean doesn’t even glance at Jo as she puts his plate in front of him, he just stares at you in disbelief.

“All I know right now is that I’m still in love with Sam,” you shrug and twirl spaghetti around your fork.

“And you always will be. Whether we’re talking next week, next year, or next decade, you will always love him. But it doesn’t mean you won’t fall in love with someone else at some point. Look, I’m not trying to force you into anything you don’t wanna do, alright? I just thought it might be nice for you to be wined and dined by someone other than me for a change!” He winked at you and bit into his burger, humming in approval at the taste.

“Oh, so you’re fed up with me, is that it?” You smirk. “Trying to palm me off, make me someone else’s problem?”

“Never,” Dean reassures you, even though he knows you’re messing with him. “I just don’t want to be sitting here with you in ten years and you regret not taking a second chance at love, a family… a happy life. You have a big and pure heart, and it holds too much love for you not to share it.” 

You smile at his compliment and ponder over what Dean said, both of you falling silent and enjoying your meal.

Dean’s words had no real effect on you until a few weeks later when you went for birthday drinks for someone in the office. That’s when you noticed that Jacob was indeed flirting with you.

You don’t know if it was flattery or the wine or even the two tequila shots you’d had when you first got to the bar, but here you are a week later, on a date you aren’t completely convinced you want to be on with the first guy who’s shown you that kind of attention since Sam.

Jacob is a nice guy. He’s handsome, charming, caring, and funny. He’s doing all the right things; things Sam would’ve done on a date like holding doors open for you, and pulling your chair out for you at the restaurant. He even stood from the table when you went to the restroom.

He’s made you laugh and listened intently to what you said, and his subtle flirtations have made you feel like a woman again. You’ve felt desirable and pretty and it’s felt so good to feel those things again. You feel good.

He’s even been considerate enough to ask a few times how you’re holding up with this being your first date since Sam had died. He hasn’t put a foot wrong, and you know this is what most people would call the perfect date with the perfect guy, but something’s missing and you can’t quite figure out what.

And that’s what’s led you to be standing with him at your front door. You know for sure you aren’t going to invite him into your home, but you also felt like you needed the extra time to try and figure out exactly how you feel about him. You’re both running out of reasons to stay out in the chill of the night, and you know figuring out what’s going on will need to wait.

“I had a nice time, Jacob,” you smile as you play with the keys in your hand. “Thank you for being so kind and patient with me.”

“I think it’s me who should be thanking you for letting me take you out tonight. I can’t imagine how difficult this must’ve been for you,” Jacob smiles softly and tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear as he takes a step closer. “I know this might be too soon, but I have to ask. Can I kiss you?”

You stare at him for a moment, not sure what to say. A million things are running through your mind all at once, and it’s hard to pick out just one to focus on. Suddenly, your mind clears and all you can think about is how much fun you’ve had tonight. And it’s just a kiss, right? And with a handsome man no less. So, you nod your head, making Jacob smile wide, showing perfect teeth before quickly swiping his tongue over his lips and leaning towards you.

He’s respectful, only gently placing his hands on your waist as his lips touch yours and it’s… different. It’s not awful by any means, just strange. His lips are a little dry and chapped, despite his efforts to soften them with his tongue, and his hands seem to be too hesitant on your hips. When his tongue swipes at your lips, you open your mouth inviting him in. Almost immediately, your eyes fly open and you realise you feel absolutely nothing, and that maybe you’re not ready for this after all.

Or maybe, you panic, whatever part of you that can love had left when Sam did.

You pull away and try to remain calm. The last thing you need is to freak the guy out, or freak yourself out even more. It’s been months since you last had a panic attack and now is not the time or place.

“I should go,” you manage to smile at him. “It’s late and cold, but I really did have a lovely night.” You have no idea how you say it without your voice shaking or tears filling your eyes, but you do and you’ll take that small victory right now.

“Me too. Maybe we could do this again soon?” He asks and your heart twists at the hopefulness in his voice, and you can’t bring yourself to tell him it isn’t a good idea.

“Maybe,” you smile. “Goodnight.” You turn and quickly unlock the door, smiling at him one last time as you turn to close it behind you.

Flicking the lights on, you make your way to the kitchen, open the fridge and pull a bottle of cold water out. Ripping the plastic cap off you take a few large gulps, hoping the coolness will help calm down your racing heart.

You use the breathing techniques all those meditation classes taught you, but still, you feel your heart try to thump its way out of your chest. Quickly, you grab your keys and subtly look out of the window to check Jacob’s car is gone.

Seeing the road empty, you leave the house making sure the door is locked behind you, and get in your car with only one destination in mind.

Dean.

“Wow! Don’t you look beautiful,” Dean grins as he opens the door, but it soon fades and he clenches his jaw in anger as the tears finally spill from your eyes. “What did he do? I’ll kill him!” He fumes and you shake your head and push him back into the house, following behind him.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on, sweetheart, or do I have to hunt the bastard down?” Dean asks once your tears have stopped, taking a seat on his couch and tapping the space next to him for you to join him.

“It wasn’t him… well it was, but it’s not what you think,” you say quickly as he shoots up from the couch and grabs his car keys. “Dean, please, just listen.”

“Alright,” he relents and sits on the edge of the sofa once more, his knee starting to bounce.

“The date was fine, he was the perfect gentleman,” you begin, and Dean frowns at you.

“I don’t understand. Then why are you crying?” he asks, and you laugh when you realise just how ridiculous this all is.

“I don’t know! I shouldn’t be! He’s handsome, and funny, and kind! You know he asked me if I was doing okay several times because he knew it was my first date since Sam? He did everything right. It was the perfect date.”

“You’re not making any sense, Y/N. If it was so perfect, why are you so upset?”

“Because he kissed me!” you yell frustrated. “He kissed me and it should’ve felt right, I should’ve felt something, but it just felt… I just felt numb,” you finally admit. “What if I’m broken? What if I was only ever meant to be with Sam?”

“Y/N…” Dean trails off, and you know he’s trying to think of something that will comfort you.

“I should’ve felt something, right? Like even if it was like a flutter in my stomach or my heart hammering, right? Or even just disinterest,” you don’t know if you’re asking or begging at this point.

“You really felt nothing?” Dean’s tone is sincere, holding none of the judgement you thought it would.

“Not a single thing,” you confirm and he raises his eyebrows as he thinks over what you’ve told him. “I’m broken, aren’t I?”

“No, sweetheart, you’re not broken. If it’s not there, it’s not there. Perfect date or not, you can’t force yourself to feel what you don’t feel,” he consoles you, and deep down you know he’s right.

“But how do I know for sure?” It slips out before you can stop it, “what if the same thing happens on the next date? And the next one, and the one after that.”

“Hey,” Dean stands up from the sofa and takes your hands in his. “Look at me. That’s my girl,” he whispers when you look up at him. “That won’t happen. The only reason it happened tonight is that, although Jacob may be perfect, he’s not perfect for you, alright?”

You know what he’s saying is right, and as his words sink in, you feel foolish that you drove across town at eleven on a Friday night to freak out over a meaningless kiss. Huffing a defeated sigh and standing up, you grab your keys to leave. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry for barging in so late with more drama. I’ll let you get back to your night,” you smile flatly and turn to the door.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, sweetheart,” Dean says as he gently grabs your wrist to stop you from leaving.

“It’s fine, Dean. I’m fine. I just want to go home,” you shrug him off.

“And do what? Sit there alone and overthink this?”

“Overthink it? Dean, it was a kiss with a guy I’m clearly not attracted to. You said so yourself,” you argue.

“It’s not about the kiss though, is it? Not really. It’s about more than that. It’s about you thinking your ability to love died with Sam.”

“Dean, don’t–” you insist, not wanting to hear it, but he’s quick to cut you off.

“Don’t what, Y/N? Don’t tell you the truth? Don’t try to make you see there’s nothing wrong with you. That you’re perfect, and Jacob just isn’t worthy of having you. That you’re beautiful and smart, and one day you will find the person who’s right for you.”

“Dean…” you say, but you don’t know how to follow it up, and so you shut up and stare at the floor.

“Do you trust me?” he questions.

“Yes.” There’s no hesitation from you and when you tear your eyes from the floor to look at him, you see him smile softly at your admission.

“Okay. Right or wrong, good or bad, promise me we’ll talk about this,” he pleads with you.

“Talk about what?” you frown.

“What I’m about to do. Please Y/N, promise me,” he begs once more.

“Alright, I promise.”

Dean steps closer to you and cups your cheeks in his large, calloused hands before leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. His lips are surprisingly soft, and the scent of everything that’s just Dean surrounds you and dazes you.

And then you feel it.

The butterflies that swarm in your stomach; the haze that descends over you, cutting off all thought except for him and his lips on yours. Without warning, a whine escapes your throat and you open your mouth to encourage Dean to really kiss you, moaning when he does.

It’s good. And you feel like you did all those years ago when Sam kissed you for the first time. Lifting your arms, you circle them around Dean’s shoulders and pull him flush with your body and deepen the kiss.

His hands ghost down your back and snake around your waist. The kiss begins to soften and when his lips part from yours, he chuckles as you chase after them with your own. 

“Not broken?” he asks, resting his forehead on yours.

“Definitely not broken,” you respond breathlessly.

“Told you,” Dean chuckles and presses his lips to yours again, much softer and more innocent this time. You aren’t sure who makes the move, but before you fully comprehend what’s going on, your lips are on his again and you’re pushing the flannel from his shoulders. Dean picks you up and encourages you to wrap your legs around his waist and carries you to the bedroom.

Next Chapter>>

@deans-spinster-witch @muchamusedaboutnothing @kazsrm67 @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @leigh70 @waynes-multiverse @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @chriszgirl92 @stoneyggirl2 @marilynnlew @ilovedean-spn2 @deans-baby-momma @acitygrownwillow @xxsovereignsarayaxx @frozenhuntress67 @lacilou @rach5ive

[panicroomsammy]

oooh 9 and 10 from the hbonatural post - finalgirlsamwinchester

9. Sam cuts scrapes his knee tumbling at age nine and doesn’t bleed red. What does Dean do? What does John do?

My thoughts on John dealing with Sam’s powers come from the journal that I haven’t finished reading, but so far it seems like he would do everything he can to cover it up and make sure no one outside their family ever finds out. In hbo!spn I imagine this would take the form of isolating Sam even further, not allowing him to go to school anymore and going further off grid like in s7. They’d stay in abandoned cabins instead of motels and he’d teach the boys not to talk to anyone and not to ask for help if they get hurt. Only your family can help you if you’re hurt because there’s something inherently wrong with you and if you ask anyone else for help they will Find Out and take you away and hurt you…

10. You can cure vampirism but you can’t cure the instincts. Tell me about Dean, bloody-steak-red-meat man promising himself he’s fine. Tell me all the ways he’s not fine.

I actually have so many thoughts on Dean being turned into a vampire on the show. I was very disappointed with how they did not play up the hunger at all. With Gordon they really showed how this perfectly straight laced hunter who abhorred monsters got taken over with hunger and couldn’t take it and his very vision changed and he had to feed, but with Dean we didn’t get any of that. More of Dean’s pov while he was a vampire would have been great but unfortunately the show can’t have their heroic (white) main character actually turned into a monster like that. In my perfect world hbo!spn would have no such problems with showing Dean as monstrous. Dean would have almost drank Sam’s blood, leaning in close and almost biting multiple times and would make comments about wanting to eat him that border on sexual. Also the interruption that prevented Dean from being raped by the vampire who turned him wouldn’t happen until right after.

[cassierobinsons]

Hello, I love your blog so much and I’m sorry if you’ve answered this question already butttttt:

What are your thoughts on the whole DeanBenny arc? Romantic, platonic, whatever <33

thanks! that's really kind of you to say <3

i like deanbenny! i like that benny is part of s8's short lived attempt at giving the mains an expanded circle of people to interact with after the tedious isolation of season 7. it’s a pity he also ends up being a victim of the show’s whole “everyone who comes in contact with salmondean must be viciously punished for it” thing. but anyway, i like how he & dean start out as reluctant allies before growing to see each other as genuine friends.

Romantic vs platonic… first of all anyone who thinks their relationship is purely platonic is lying to themselves. benny is positioned as a rival love interest and even cas knows it lmfao. there is literally an entire episode about sam siccing his conservative father’s even more conservative friend on benny because he finds dean’s trust in benny to be suspect. whether they acted on their feelings is up for debate but the queer subtext is so blatant. personally if i’m being like, canon purist, i think they both wanted to fuck but never got round to it and once out of purgatory they both thought the moment was gone.  

the most tragic and i think most intriguing part of benny & deanbenny is that post-purgatory benny is able to keep on top of his hunger through dean providing a semi-ethical source of blood. additionally he’s using family (though elizabeth didn’t know they were related) as an incentive to never hurt another human being. but then another hunter ruins it. it’s like the show is revisiting the ideas it brought up in the gordon episodes but without the racism. 

so yeah, i am an incurable heller but i still like deanbenny’s canon arc.

[samanddeanloveeachothersomuch]

I think Dean practically having to raise Sam actually helped him a lot.  I'm not saying it was fair because it 100% wasn't fair for a kid to be given that much responsibility.  However, we know that Sam and Dean keep each other human. I think we can all agree that Dean has a dark side; without Sam, he would be more like Gordon. Even their dad was very dark and violent and very black and white regarding hunting. I think they both help each other when living a life of violence to have some light in their lives and they continue to be each other’s light throughout their entire lives.

If Dean hadn’t had to raise Sam or been an only child he wouldn’t have had an influence that oozed compassion and goodness. Sam was different because he talked about his feelings and wore his heart on his sleeve and I think that was good for Dean. I also think protecting Sam helped him after the death of Mary. It gave a four-year-old Dean something else to focus on so he didn’t need to think about his dead mom and his father who was also grieving.

Dean must have come up with the no chick-flick moments rule when they were kids, probably when he was a teenager, but he never stops Sam from initiating one if that's what Sam needed and he has initiated some himself. I think Dean actually likes taking care of Sam because he needs to feel needed by him. Dean takes care of Sam freely because he wants to and even continues to do that for the entirety of his life. He’s never thought of Sam as a burden even though Sam thinks of himself as one.

Dean in high school acknowledges Sam and wants to take care of his bullies. He was interested in girls but he still made sure to acknowledge Sam and if anything happened to him his focus was shifted purely to Sam. They were best friends even as kids.

I honestly don't think Deam resents his mom or dad and he definitely doesn't resent Sam for having to take care of him. Even when Dean was talking to his mom, while he did say it wasn't fair, he was mostly talking about how he failed to protect Sam and Sam getting hurt as a result of those failures.

Years later Sam has to save Dean from The Mark of Cain. Sam saved Dean from the darkness of their childhood and later by not letting Dean see in black and white when it comes to monsters. Now he has to save him from another darkness and he does. San was the only one who could get Dean to calm down. He was the only one who could bring Dean back to himself.

Bringing each other back from the darkness is of course a two-way street. The real voicemail, I feel, would have worked if that was the one Sam had heard. Dean was the one who got Sam to come back to himself after he was possessed by Lucifer because of Sam's love for him. Sam and Dean will always save each other in every way possible.

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Damage Control - 2x10 Hunted

Sam feels queasy, and not just because of the gory murder scene they just left behind. 

Ava. What happened?

A demon was involved. That much is clear from the sulfur left on the window sill. But why did they find Ava’s engagement ring on the floor? Had she left it? Had the demon taken it off her? Why?

Uneasy questions rotate on a sick cycle in Sam’s stomach as he sits beside Dean in the Impala. They’d figured it was best to put some miles between them and the murder site after placing an anonymous phone call with the police. Don’t want to get caught up in an investigation that might target them as suspects. Even more so since they don’t have any answers, only questions. 

“Hey, you good?”

Dean shakes him out of his thoughts, giving him a worried side-eye.

Sam wrinkles his nose. “No. Not really,” he admits. 

On top of his uneasiness, Sam is feeling the after-effects of his vicious fight with Gordon catch up with him. The split in his lip stretches uncomfortably when he speaks, his face is swollen around the cut on his cheekbone, his nose hurts and his stiffening back is screaming for a heating pad they don’t have. None of his injuries are serious and he’s used to pushing on through minor hurts like these, but the day’s events weigh heavily on him and amplify his soreness.

“You’re worried about Ava,” Dean states, nodding in understanding. “I get it.”

“We need to find her, Dean.” Sam clenches his good hand into a fist.

“How? If the yellow-eyed demon took her, she could literally be anywhere.”

“And if she took off on her own?” Doubt laces Sam’s voice. 

“You think she got away?” Dean’s brow wrinkles, but he keeps his eyes trained on the road. The lights of another small town wink out behind them.

“Maybe. She’s not a hunter, but she’s smart. Maybe she had a vision and saw it coming.” Sam’s heart does an anxious flip. “Or maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

From the look on Dean’s face, Sam doesn’t think he needs to say it out loud. Behind that stoic mask, Sam can see quiet horror lurking. And the same fear that tightens his own throat. 

“What if…” Sam starts, then stops and has to wet his smarting lip to get the words out. “What if she’s the one who did it?”

Dean’s eyes look big in the shadowy car. “Kill her fiance? You really think she did it?”

Sam lifts his hands, lets them drop into his lap again. “I don’t know! I’m just- … What if he made her do it? The yellow-eyed demon. What if he made her… go darkside? Or forced her to slit his throat?”

“Sam!” Dean shakes his head. A muscle in his cheek twitches. “That’s some dark shit, man. Seriously! You said she was a nice girl. Why would she suddenly turn evil?”

“Why not?! You saw what happened with Max. How he flipped, just like that. And Ansem Weems? Andy’s twin brother? He was insane! A cold-blooded killer!”

Sam feels bile burning up his throat. As much as he’s clung to his conviction that they can thwart whatever the yellow-eyed demon is planning, he’s got to admit that things aren’t going their way. 

Beside him, Dean does an unconvincing job of clinging to the same hope. “Come on, Ava isn’t like that,” he claims, although he’s barely met her. “You said it yourself - not every psychic kid turns into a monster. Andy didn’t! You didn’t!”

Sam looks at his hands.

“Not yet.”

Dean slaps the steering wheel. “For fuck’s sake Sam! I’m tired of hearing this! Of you saying that! Can we just stop expecting you to go Chucky the killer doll?! I’m sick and tired of it, man!”

Sam can tell that he truly is. Anger wafts from Dean in waves. He’s pissed at Sam, pissed at Ava and the yellow-eyed demon and the whole diaspora of psychic kids. He’s pissed because he’s scared. 

“Stop pretending, Dean,” Sam tells his brother, glumness making him suddenly calm. “I know you’re thinking the same thing. I know you’re just as afraid as I am that all of us - Andy, Ava, me - will turn into supercharged monsters. That the demon wants us to. You’re just too afraid to admit it.”

“I’m not-” Dean breaks off and, instead, grips the steering wheel hard and stares ahead, fuming silently.

It’s all the answer Sam needs. He was right. His big brother is afraid - of what’s to come, of what he can’t prevent, of what’s going to happen to him. 

A question has been churning in Sam’s guts, a feeling, and he lets it out into the brooding silence between them. 

“What did Gordon say to you?”

Dean’s eyebrows knit together. “What?”

“Gordon. When he had you. I could hear him talking when I snuck in. Something about another psychic kid he’d found.”

Dean squirms in his seat. “You heard that?” He’s avoiding Sam’s eyes. “How much more did you hear?”

Sam feels his mouth go dry. Dean is clearly uncomfortable. Clearly wanting to hide something from him. For a moment, he considers not prying any further, to be left in ignorance, because whatever it is Dean doesn’t want to talk about - it’s certainly not going to ease Sam’s mind. But Sam’s never been one to stop picking at a scab, even if it means he’ll make himself bleed. 

“I didn’t hear enough to make sense of it. So tell me - what else did he say?”

But Dean’s still deflecting. “Listen, Sammy,” he says, talking to the black tarmac stretching out before them into the night. “Do we have to talk about this now? I almost lost you today. Dammit, I thought I had lost you when that second grenade went off. I thought you were dead!” 

He looks over at Sam, eyes glittering - with tears? Anger?  “Can you just, for once, give me a friggin’ break?”

For a moment, Sam almost relents. The pain in Dean’s voice is visceral. It’s not just an act to shut down the conversation. But Sam can’t let this go.

“No, Dean,” he says determinedly. “No, I’m sorry, I can’t give you a break. If Gordon said something about the psychics - about me - I deserve to know. I have to know!”

Clearly upset, Dean shakes his head left and right, holding on to his composure. Sam hears him mutter a curse under his breath. Then the Impala slows down and, expression dark, Dean pulls the car over onto the soft bank of the empty interstate. He shifts the lever into park and kills the ignition. Silence settles in the car. Taking his hands off the wheel, Dean looks out the windshield, his profile stark and chiseled in the moonlight that seeps inside.

“You want to know what Gordon said?” he asks ominously, and suddenly Sam isn’t so sure anymore that he does. 

He licks at the split in his lip, tasting copper. “Yeah, I do,” he says and sounds braver than he feels.

Still not looking at Sam, but out into the night, Dean begins to talk.

“Gordon said he’d captured a demon. Tortured him. Got him talking. The demon said there was talk of someone - something - forming an army. An army of humans, to fight on Hell’s side. Not just any humans. Psychics.” Finally, Dean turns his head to look at Sam. “Like you, Sam. You and the others.”

Cold sweat breaks out on Sam’s skin while his mouth goes dry. 

“And Gordon said he’d found another of the psychic kids,” Dean continues, his voice eerily flat. “A guy who could electrocute by touch. Hadn’t harmed anyone so far, but he’d killed a dog. Don’t know if it was accidental. Gordon put him down. He said he was going to put all of the psychics down - including you. Said you’d all turn into killers eventually.”

Sam swallows hard. His heart hammers in his chest. For the last few months, he feels he’s been running a race against an obscure enemy, ignorant of its prize, only sensing that losing would be catastrophic. His visions, Dad’s death, the ominous warning he gave Dean, the discovery that there were others just like him, the yellow-eyed demon - the puzzle pieces are falling into place now, and what he’s looking at feels like one of those stark, terrifying oil paintings of the Apocalypse. Skulls. Horns. Blood. Death. And he’s supposed to be in it.

“Gordon’s an ass, Sammy.” 

Dean’s voice pulls him back to reality. 

“He’s insane, a sick maniac, and you know it. And he doesn’t know shit about you. About us.” 

Somehow, Dean has found his way back to solid big-brotherness. His voice is certain, his gaze iron. And although Sam knows it’s a mechanism, all part of Dean’s default shit-eating way of dealing with the worst fears imaginable, it’s something Sam can grab and hold on to, like a lifeline.

“You don’t think what Gordon said was true?” 

Dean arches a blue steel eyebrow. “Oh, I believe what the demon told Gordon was true. Mostly. With a bit of flourish, because all those black-eyed motherfuckers love to be drama queens.” 

Taken aback, Sam just stares at Dean. This isn’t exactly the reassurance he was looking for.

“But what I don’t believe,” Dean continues, “is that you will be part of that army. Because as long as I’ve known you - and that’s been my whole fucking life - no one has ever been able to make you do what you didn’t want to do. Dad couldn’t. You certainly never listened to me. No demon - yellow-eyed or otherwise - will ever be able to recruit you against your own will.”

Sam’s shoulders sag. “Dean…,” he says dejectedly. “That’s not the same. We’re talking supernatural powers here. We’re–”

“We’re talking Winchester powers here,” Dean interrupts him, fiercely. He lifts a finger and points it at Sam, his gaze firm and intense. “And you, little brother, are the most stubborn Winchester ever created. That pig-headedness of yours is gonna bring that yellow-eyed sonofabitch to tears, I swear.”

Now that’s the reassurance Sam needed - steadfast, fondly annoyed and cocksure in the way only his big brother can do it. 

In spite of everything, Sam can’t help smiling a bit. “You seriously think we can beat him?”

Jaw set, Dean nods. “I do. We’re gonna kick his demony ass into next Sunday.”

Encouragingly, he slaps Sam’s upper arm. “You with me?”

Sam’s wounds still ache, his back is still spasming, and the looming threat of the yellow-eyed demon and his army is still out there. Sam still doesn’t know what part he’s supposed to play in all of it, or how they’re going to find and kill the demon before everything goes to hell. And yet, with Dean at his side, so firmly in his camp against all odds, he feels better. He knows that his big brother is putting up a tough front and that Dean, too, is scared. But scared or not, Dean is going to be by his side - obnoxious, patronizing, overbearing. Protective. Nothing has changed. But Dean will be there. And that’s enough to give him hope.

The Damage Control Series - Masterlist

Read the entire series on AO3 here:

[fandom-hoarder]

So, it wasn't my ask, but I enjoyed your response to that one about your wincest/weecest headcanons. Especially this bit: "Sam that wants to be marked up and punished for being contrary and mouthy." Would you like to go into that a bit more? I personally love the idea that he treasures marks he gets from Dean, whether it's bruises from sparring, or scars from being stitched-up, or stinging redness from being slapped or even taken over his brother's knee when he pushes him too far. I also love the idea of Sam having a pain-kink. But what are your thoughts on it?

Pain kink Sam 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

I have vague plans to explore this hc in my Pushing Boundaries series, but nothing concrete yet for what's next.

Some ideas I like to dwell on in general:

* Sam gets so argumentative sometimes that Dean gets too frustrated for words and manhandles him into compliance. Sam doesn't want to examine why the tender pain makes him feel so good, but he doesn't shy away from the craving. He gets hard from bruises; feels electrified when Dean's hands inevitably find the same spots over and over and they get darker and darker. Starts to feel abandoned when bruises fade and gets contrary to provoke more--I like to think in those times he's not even aware that's why he's acting like that or what he's angling for until Dean's hands are ringing his wrists, pressing the bones together, and Sam feels the whoosh through his whole being and calms.

* Sam fights so much for independence and to make his own decisions and--just--against EVERYTHING about their life that sometimes the scope of it makes him feel untethered and overwhelmed. Makes him wish he COULD just put his trust in someone and follow orders. Makes him taunt Dean about not being the boss of him. Says 'make me' until Dean's leaving welts on his ass and Sam's sobbing in strange relief. Can't sit right for days so he thinks about it--drifts into reminiscent sub-space kinda--every time he sits down.

* Sam wants hickies and bitten lips and claw marks and soft bits swollen with use and attention. Wants his abused nipples to rub against his shirt and remind him Dean's mouth was there. Wants the impression of Dean's amulet dug into his chest and back. Wants Dean to brand him with it. In lieu of that, wants Dean to burn his name into him with a cigarette. Wants it to scar and stay.

* Mmm--little headcanon/twist here that Sam welcomed Dean punching him in Bloodlust. Provoked it, even. Didn't just want Dean to admit his feelings about John's death, or release some emotion, or get away from Gordon, but wanted Dean's attention again. 'Don't give it to some random hunter; I'm RIGHT HERE. I'm hurting too, but you ignoring me--not believing me--hurts worse. Hit me so we can be right again!'

Looked at his bruised cheek for days after and felt giddy. Dean chose him.

* Stitches--yesss. Stitches hurt at first, but it doesn't take long for Sam to zone into the catharsis of it. The sting of liquor; the pinch of the needle; the burn of the thread; Dean's steady, callused hands and hot breath and unwavering focus. Starts breathing heavy and swaying into it slightly, as if seeking pleasure from the next puncture and pull. Closes his eyes and sucks in a breath when Dean traces over new stitches and old scars, mapping out their history and the way Dean's etched into his skin.

* And Dean! Feeling both guilty and possessive about the marks. Apologizing with tortured pouts and gleaming eyes and barely-there kisses on every shining bruise while coveting the vision of Sammy being his completely to do with as he likes. It's a swooning rush of power and control and unfettered, uncontested ownership.

[laufire]

(CW for mentions of csa)

A lot of Commonly Accepted (Often Through Uncritical Repetition) Wisdom in fandom leaves me baffled, when not straight up ticked off, but one that's been on my mind lately, that never fails to bring a scrunched up expression to my face, is the idea that Bela Talbot's backstory was some last minute add-on to her character.

You might argue that the reveal was rushed since the writers caved in and killed her off against their original plan (or at the very least, earlier than). Or that using abuse is a trite way to raise sympathy for an antagonistic character. You could even say that some of the finer details might’ve not been set in stone until they sat down to write her exist, although that one is dubious. But I’m never really going to buy that Bela’s backstory hadn’t been already planned, likely in big part.

The reason why is Season Three Episode Six, “Red Sky At Morning”, Bela’s second episode, co-written by Eric Kripke himself. As all episodes with Bela were, may I add; which means he had a hand in crafting her story from the beginning, as creator, director, and writer.

There Dean, a character that has been shown as sharp and intuitive (although his success rate ain’t that great when it comes to Bela, admittedly xD), immediately pegs her as someone with Issues TM, asking “how did she get like this”. He even taunts her by referencing her father, showing off his talent to hit where it hurts by asking if he “didn’t give her enough hugs”, ‘cause he’s classy like that. This visibly affects Bela, changing her demeanor in their conversation, from more playful to defensive. Hell, I remember during my first watch in real time this moment, especially paired with the rest of the episode, was when I first thought it was possible she came from an abusive family.

Because, c’mon. This whole episode is about parricide. The monster of the week is a ghost who haunts those that “spilled their own family’s blood”. We get two other examples: a woman whose accidental car crash killed her cousin, and two brothers who killed their father for the inheritance. Clearly, the ghost doesn’t have a narrow criteria when it comes to means or culpability -which makes sense given his particular story: he was tried for treason and his brother, the captain of the ship, issued the sentence.

And just as we find out this information... Bela sees the ghost ship that foretells her death. This, paired with the insinuations about an unsavvory past and her discomfort at the mention of her father, aren’t a wealth of information, but they start to paint a picture. We now know for a fact that Bela caused the death of at least one relative (mom and dad); that she wouldn’t have needed to do it directly (she made a crossroads deal); and that she might’ve had a sympathetic motive (her father sexually abused her and her mother turned a blind eye).

That scene offers some more tidbits of information about her past that seem too in tune with 3x15 to be coincidental, and that absolutely break my heart: Bela’s “You wouldn’t understand. No one did.“ and “I’ll just do what I’ve always done. I’ll deal with it myself”. See, I always thought Bela must’ve told people, when she was a kid. That she reached out for help not just to her mother, but to everyone around her that she thought could’ve help: teachers, maybe even law enforcement; adults that should’ve being worthy of that trust and protected her. Except no one did (and the fact that her family seemed to be not only very rich but influential paints a very bleak picture that surely contributed to her cynic view of the world). So she took matters in her own hands, and sold her soul for ten years of relative safety and freedom from her abusers.

To tie it all up, her final scene in that episode offers some more moments that again, are very in line with her backstory. We see how she treats relationships as transactionals: she pays ten grand to the Winchesters for saving her life, like she paid with her soul. Dean, again, draws attention to her likely messed up past by calling her damaged, and she replies that “takes one to know one”. Terrible childhood, ammirite. The show wasn’t been subtle here: it’s telling us Bela has a terrible past, like the Winchesters do, but of a different kind that has resulted in a different kind of person. So yeah, I think all the facts were hinted at back in 3x06.

We could go even futher back and point out 3x03, Bela’s introduction. One of the very first things she says in the show, during her first face to face with Dean (a character that just condemned his soul to Hell), is “We’re all going to Hell, Dean. Might as well enjoy the ride”. Sure, it could be an incredibly fortuitous coincidence; as a writer, I’ve had those and they’re damn great. But it seems VERY lucky, and more likely to be a case of the kind premeditated, well-placed foreshadowing that Kripke excels at.

So, okay. I’ve established why I think Bela’s backstory wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. But why is there a notable narrative in fandom that it IS?

First thing first, I want to get something out of the way: you don’t have to like it even if it was planned ahead. I understand it’s a very thorny subject, and to make matters worse, it’s inherently tied to her death. You might even be fine with the what, but not with how it was dealt with (although personally, I appreciate that neither the abuse nor her death were shown onscreen. In fact, the worse violence we see Bela on the receiving end of in her run is Dean’s threats and manhandling, which seems like a very purposeful choice ngl. Even Gordon freaking Walker was gentler lmao).

But I do disagree with some extended fandom opinions on the topic, and I guess that’s what the post is about. For one, I don’t see how the show “condemned” or morally judged Bela in this scenario. If anything, they clearly wanted to make her sympathetic, AND they showed Dean as being in the wrong by robbing him of information. Dean’s opinion on Bela couldn’t count for shit, for once, because he didn’t have the full picture; because Bela had deemed him UNWORTHY of the full picture, and thus anything he had to say on her couldn’t be taken at face value (except this is Supernatural, so I guess this was a little too much to ask of some people?). I think saying that just because Bela died and went to Hell as a consequence of her deal, IN THE SAME SEASON the same happened to our co-lead, because the writers deemed her evil and irredeemable is simplistic at best, and the audience projecting their own feelings (or being unable to see past Dean’s) onto the writing.

All that said, to go back to the initial point of all of this xD: WHY does fandom seem to insist on viewing this narrative choice as some cheap last minute addition?

There might not be one explanation that fits all, but I have a few ideas. One is that, if this wasn’t planned for and hinted at from early on, some people might feel as if this “absolves” them of their previous (and disgustingly hateful and misoginistic) reactions to Bela. Others will see this as absolving Dean, and maybe even Sam to a lesser extent, for not helping her and for being callous towards her; if her tragic backstory was this artificial, rushed choice made by Those Writers, then Dean wasn’t responsible for reprehensible attitudes towards someone who deserved his compassion (and it can’t be denied that this fandom loves absolving Dean of responsibility lmao). And a lot people are probably only repeating what they've heard from others as the accepted narrative, especially those that didn't even watch all of s3 if at all (Castiel is my fave too, but seriously, s1-3 are worth it).

It’s like they’re creating this imaginary separation between Bela pre-reveal, and Bela post-reveal, to make the situation easier to themselves. See, Bela pre-reveal was this annoying bitch who inconvenienced and embarrassed our leads (not to mention dared have chemistry with them), and thus deserved to be punished for it; or, if we’re going with more modern fandom sensibilities, she can be made to fit into the shallow #GirlBoss mold, with a side of “Secretly A Lesbian And Therefore Not A Romantic Threat” flavour -the current preferred method to make controversial female characters more palatable.

The reveal throws a wrench into this narrative. “Bitch who deserves her comeuppance” is a hard sell when you’re talking about a character who survived csa. And a shallow #GirlBoss reading doesn’t work if you have to acknowledge that Bela was one of, if not the most tragic characters in the entire run of Supernatural.

She spent over half her life at the mercy of her abuser(s), hurt by those who should’ve loved her and protected her most. The rest of her life was extremely lonely, with seemingly only a cat as company, and a surface-level freedom that hid under the sentence that loomed over her head. She died without a single friend, or a simple show of kindness and compassion, without anyone bothering to fight for her. And then she ended up tortured for who knows how long until she became one of her torturers.

All of that is extremely difficult to digest. And when things are hard to swallow, people do as people do, and they try to simplify them. So, sure. Bela’s reveal wasn’t ever hinted at, it’s completely removed from her character and the person we met, and is not even worth trying to fit into the narrative. Sounds easy.

[mittensmorgul]

Since the finale aired, I’ve been yammering on about how it would’ve only worked as a finale to s2, and now that I’m actually rewatching s2, I stand by that even more staunchly. The finale doesn’t work in a post-s2 supernatural universe.

This is the version of Dean we saw in the finale-- the one whose only mission in life was to Save Sammy, to help him get his revenge and allow him to go out and live a Normal Safe Life pretending that hunting and monsters don’t exist. The one who just wanted some pie, to drive his car, and had no real connections beyond Sam in the world outside of Bobby. Even Dean’s characterization in the finale is this far younger Dean who’d never allowed himself to crack open and truly understand love. It would take me years to plow through everything I’ve ever written about him as a character and his long struggle to emotional maturity we saw evolve over the next 13 years beyond this episode, but the tl;dr will always be “this s2 Dean is the same as the Dean in the finale.”

The goal of s2 was saving SAM from his “destiny,” too. In this era of the show, Dean didn’t have a “destiny” the same way Sam did. The ONLY thing that mattered was freeing Sam from “becoming evil,” and being manipulated into terrible things. What Dean wanted, what he was ���destined” for by the narrative was irrelevant, because all of his choices and emotional burdens were tied only to saving Sam. To freeing Sam so he could safely return to his “normal life.” Go back to college, have a family and the white picket fence life.

This was before Dean truly began fighting for HIMSELF. Which only really and truly began after he sells his soul to resurrect Sam. That’s when Dean truly begins fighting for himself. Sure, he’s angry with John during s2 for trading his own life for Dean’s, for putting the burden of “if you can’t save Sam, you’ll have to kill him” on his shoulders with his dying breath, but Dean is still fighting against John’s authority and the complicated tangle of feelings of his own childhood and not actually coming to terms with his own wants and needs and wishes out beyond that yet. He’s still unwittingly confronting the “destiny” John had set up for him, and hasn’t moved beyond that yet. It’s only trading his soul for Sam’s that finally brings Dean into the cosmic narrative that will fuel his introspection and personal growth for the rest of the series.

And out beyond that point, his entire character arc explodes into orbit.

Dean’s entire character arc in s3 is confronting this very basic fact: he doesn’t deserve to have been sacrificed just to save Sam. He doesn’t deserve that burden, and he does deserve to live. This is the realization he comes to before eventually being dragged to Hell and then rescued by an angel, who literally tells him, “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” in the aftermath of that. From that point on, we have TWELVE SEASONS of Dean struggling with what he “deserves” versus what is “fate” and “destiny” and eventually confronting what he WANTS if he truly could choose his own destiny.

Plus, out beyond that point, he has Cas. And nothing changes Dean, pushes him to grow and understand himself, and accept himself-- all of himself, from the good to the horrific-- than the pure and unflinching acceptance of Castiel. Cas never looked at him and said “you are evil,” or “you are worthless.” (well, they’ve both said some pretty awful stuff to each other over the years, but there was either brainwashing or other deeper issues pushing those things on them, and they have ALWAYS eventually come back to one another, and the awful stuff was dealt with). Point is, Dean and Cas both began running these parallel arcs of duty versus desire, and for Dean, the duty was always framed around “taking care of Sam” versus pursuing any sort of ambition or goals for himself. They would fight for this for most of the rest of the series, until eventually the goal for ALL of them would be about discovering what they would want for themselves.

The show explicitly dealt with this, repeatedly, over later seasons, asking all of the characters the big questions: is this what you would choose for yourself? What WOULD you choose for yourself if you could?

And then they made the narrative of the final season, of the final Big Bad, the fact that they had NEVER had real freedom, and that their entire lives (and the entire history of not only this universe but every parallel universe) had been Chuck’s Puppet Theater, and true free will had been a lie all this time. Pushing all of the characters to confront their own choices and understand what about who they were as people was separate from what Chuck pushed them into choosing and doing all these years. The main thing that Dean (and also Cas, and to the extent she was included in the narrative this was Eileen’s issue as well) were being pushed to come to terms with what really was real, and were their feelings and choices their own or imposed on them for the furtherance of Chuck’s story.

At the end of the road, finally free and out from under Chuck’s control, they knew what was real. For Sam and Eileen, they had chosen each other. Cas had chosen Dean, but Dean hadn’t yet had a chance to reply, but anyone with two eyes and a brain knows what he would’ve said in return. It’s what Cas stopped him from saying even back in Purgatory in 15.09. And yet, for some reason Sam and Dean forgot all of that, as if none of it had ever even really happened at all, and we went right back to who they were right after they finally defeated the YED, before we even knew Azazel had a name, let alone the fact that the ultimate boogeyman of their entire lives to that point had been nothing more than a fanatic pawn in a much larger destiny for both of them.

The end of s2 was the last time Dean sacrificing himself so Sam could have a normal life, where Dean really felt there was nothing more for himself than fulfilling his father’s orders to save Sammy, even feels remotely plausible. It’s the last time we can feel like Dean might find peace and contentment in a Heaven where John is nearby to be proud of him, and where Dean would actually feel like that validation was even relevant to his own life.

And that finally brings me back to s2, where that was actually addressed through John’s self-sacrifice to save Dean, to serve Dean up to the narrative and provide a stage for this self-transformative journey INTO being a version of John himself. Only... Dean DOESN’T choose that. He fights to save Sam at all costs, even when it seems clear that the right answer would probably be to KILL Sam instead. When not only the ghost of John Winchester plaguing Dean’s mind would make him doubt his own drive to save his brother, but the John Winchester Insert Character of s2-- Gordon Walker-- basically put Dean’s own doubts out there in plain words in 2.10:

GORDON: I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this. Look, let's say you were cruising around in that car of yours and, uh, you had little Hitler riding shotgun, right? Back when he was just some goofy, crappy artist. But you knew what he was going to turn into someday. You'd take him out, no questions, am I right?

DEAN: That's not Sam.

GORDON: Yes it is. You just can't see it yet. Dean, it's his destiny. Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would wreck him. But your dad? If it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. But you're telling me you're not the man he is?

This, the episode where Dean finally confesses John’s final orders to Sam, where Dean has decided that saving Sam is all that matters, even when circumstance and everyone else is practically screaming at him that this could all be over if only he gave in-- be it his own self-sacrifice OR killing Sam. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, the universe doesn’t care (and neither does Chuck... especially at this point... and the proof of that is Sam’s s15 nightmares where one of Chuck’s alternate universe endings for Sam and Dean was Sam actually going Darkside on demon blood and killing Dean... any iteration of the old drama, Chuck has explored all potential endings-- oh, except the ending where TFW gets to just be happy and live... that’s the one ending they never get and the only one they deserved in the end).

also from 2.10... loads of chat about “destiny” and one of Dean’s first “we should just lay all this shit down and take a vacation” moments when he suggests they go to Amsterdam and enjoy some of the not-coffee-coffee-shops, which Sam counters by doubling down on the fact that Dean has a destiny in all this as much as Sam does:

SAM: Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do.

DEAN: Ah, I wasn't meant to do anything, I don't believe in that destiny crap.

SAM: You mean you don't believe in my destiny.

DEAN: Yeah, whatever.

SAM: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

DEAN: I can try.

And that’s it, right there. This is the “neither of you can try for a normal life outside of the other while the other is still alive.” This is Sam pinning a destiny to Dean that’s just as inescapable within Chuck’s narrative as Sam’s demon blood and psychic powers. 

This is the core essence of Chuck’s story about them. The sibling dynamic that Chuck failed to free himself from, and that Sam and Dean failed to free themselves from after Chuck’s demise in 15.19.

Destiny. One must die so the other can live.

And considering the next 13 seasons of the show and the long and emotionally grueling character arcs Sam and Dean proceed through where they truly confront the core of who they are as people-- as individuals outside of their duty and destiny-- the finale ceases to make any sense outside of Chuck’s narrative for them. If 15.20 really happened exactly as we saw it on screen, then Chuck still won.

And they had to loop Sam and Dean all the way back to where they were emotionally at the end of s2 in order to make it seem plausible. Which, for those of us who actually care about what they endured after s2, makes the finale entirely implausible as a whole.

[saracons87]

Castiel RP

Kayla was standing at Bobby's stove, making pancakes. She usually hated cooking, but the thought of her adoptive uncle eating another TV-dinner made her feel generous. It was also a nice way to keep a leash on her thoughts.

It had been four months now since Dean got dragged down to hell. Kayla had done everything she could think of to get him back, she had even planned to offer up her own soul in a bargain - that is until Bobby had realized what she was doing and threatened to lock her up in his safe room for the next ten years. 

She rarely heard from Sam nowadays. Sam was still hunting but he clearly didn't want her help. That hurt, but she understood. She could never replace Dean, neither as sibling or hunter.

"You spoil me, sweetie," Bobby said, coming into the kitchen. "It smells great."

"I'm no Gordon Ramsay, but even I can whip up some pancakes," Kayla smiled. "You want some bacon ..." 

Just then the door opened and in the next moment Kayla dropped the frying pan, managing to splash herself with pancake mix and grease; her skin burning, and yet she couldn't utter a word from the shock.

Dean Winchester stood in Bobby's hallways! 

[holylulusworld]

Sammy

Summary: Only one person gets to call Sam, Sammy – right?

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Characters: Dean Winchester, Gordon Walker

Warnings: light smut, mentions of oral (female receiving), language, mentions of blood, mentions of characters death

You hate the way Dean acts around that new hunter. Since John is gone Dean is out for blood. Sadly, Gordon Walker offers blood - a huge amount of blood.

Proudly he tells you he killed his sister when she got turned. Your stomach churns whilst your hunter instinct tells you to get away from that man. He’s trouble, dangerous even, you just know it.

Tense you meet Sam’s eyes, a mirror of your emotions. He crosses his arms over his wide chest, not liking the way Dean bonds with that cruel killer. Unbeknownst of your doubts Dean seems to be in his element, talking about the latest hunt with Gordon.

“Beautiful, absolutely beautiful,” Gordon muses, meeting your eyes but you look away, not liking the hunter.

“You all right, Sammy?” Dean watches his brother's face, hating Sam doesn’t seem to like their new hunting partner.

“Peachy, Dean. Everything is just great,” you can hear the venom in Sam’s voice.

“You should relax a bit, Sammy,” Gordon tries to flash a smile but it comes out wolfish and you shudder, liking him even less. You don’t know why you do not like him. He got the job done. Fast. Deadly. Precise.

When you hunt with other partners, you never had the feeling you need to watch your back. Neither Rufus nor Bobby ever gave you that much bad vibes.

Sam dips his head, jerking it toward his elder brother. “He's the only one who gets to call me that,” your stomach drops hearing Sam’s doesn’t like hearing anyone else but his brother calls him by his nickname, “and I can imagine better things to relax than decapitations,” Sam blushes, glancing at you but you didn’t catch his words or the way his eyes roamed your body.

“You can be a hunter and like it. Nothing wrong with having fun with your job,” the hunter raises his glass, glancing at you. “Right, Y/N?”

“I did not become a hunter to have fun, Mr. Walker. I did become a hunter as a pack of werewolves ripped my family and best friend apart,” you get up slamming the bottle of beer you were nursing onto the table. “I do not love my job or have fun killing monsters and risking my life. I do it as this is the way to pay those bastards back who ruined my life. Excuse me if you using unnecessary violence and cruelty doesn’t float my boat,” you turn to leave, storm off without looking back.

“I’ll talk to her,” Sam gives his brother a disapproving look. “She ain’t wrong, Dean. Before I kill the mood too, I’ll go back and take care of our friend.”

“Y/N, wait,” Sam slings his arm around your shoulders, pressing you to his chest. “I am sorry that guy is an ass.”

“I saw it in his eyes, he loved killing those vamps, Sam. I mean, I do it too but only to save people and prevent others from getting hurt or killed,” you look up at Sam, giving him a sad smile. “We shouldn't work with him again.”

“I’ll call Ellen and Bobby, dig out some information when we are back at the motel,” Sam presses his forehead against yours, humming when you sigh his name.

“Great idea, Sam,” it’s the first time you did not use his nickname, and Sam wonders if you are mad at him too. “I can have a shower meanwhile, wash the bad feeling of my body.”

“What did Bobby and Ellen say?” Sam gulps watching you walk out of the shower in a towel. You need to repeat your question and snap your fingers in front of Sam’s face until he finally realizes you talked to him. “Sam?”

“Didn’t reach Bobby, guess he’s on a hunt too,” nodding you sit onto the bed to search for clean clothes, failing epically. “Ellen, I do not know her well but I don’t think she would lie to me,” you nod again, still rummaging in your bag.

“Do you have a clean shirt for me, Sam?” you snicker when Sam nods, eyes glued to your exposed legs. “Sam? Sam, did you hear me?”

“Yeah…sure,” his eyes drift toward your chest, imagining to run his tongue over your nipples he tugs at his suddenly too-tight pants. “I’ll give it to you.”

“Great,” jumping up you hold out your hand, wondering why Sam’s eyes are glued to your legs. He seems to be lost in thoughts before you can watch his tongue dart out to wet his lips. “The shirt?”

“Ellen, she said Gordon Walker means trouble,” whilst Sam gets up to hand you one of his clean shirts you drop the towel, revealing you are only in your panties.

Even though you have your back toward Sam you can feel his gaze on you. “So my instinct was right. I sensed that guy is dangerous.”

“Dangerous, right,” you shiver feeling Sam’s fingertips slide over your exposed back. “So dangerous and beautiful.” His lips press soft kisses along your shoulder, and you melt against the hunter.

The shirt in your hands drops to the floor feeling his hands slide over your stomach to hold you against his chest. “Why don’t you call me Sammy anymore,” Sam’s voice is not boyish any longer. There is an edge in it letting your panties dampen. “I like it when you call me Sammy.”

“You said,” Sam slips his hand into your panties and you lean your head against his body, “only Dean can call you Sammy.”

“I wanted to rile that asshole up, baby,” his fingers toy with your clit while you melt into Sam’s body. “Now I want you to be good and spread wider to let me make you feel good.”

“Sammy,” voice trembling you follow Sam’s order, spread your legs to let him run his fingers along your slick folds. “Please…”

Dean didn’t come back to the motel room and you thanked whoever is up there for that or he would’ve witnessed you scream Sam’s nickname in different octaves.

Right now, he has you spread out, legs pushed up to your chest to go even deeper.

Sweat runs out of every pore of your body, your voice became hoarse half an hour ago whilst he was between your thighs, but Sam is still going at it.

His shaggy hair glued to his forehead, a dirty grin on his lips he pushes deeper into you with every thrust.

You cannot look away, can’t break eye contact as it seems the boy you once knew is gone, replaced by a wild man claiming your body.

“You feel so good around me, Y/N,” Sam angles his hips, gives you quick and hard thrusts to push you violently over the edge.

Shuddering you listen to the squelching sound of his dick sliding into your body, praying this is not a one time thing to Sam.

“Sammy,” whining you slip one hand between your legs, pressing hard down your clit to make sure the next thrust sends you over the edge. “I love…oh-my god…”

“There you go, baby…”

“So…” Dean glances at you on Sam’s bed, wearing only his brother’s shirt while Sam looks like he got caught with his fingers in the cookie jar. “Did she calm?”

“I found a way to take the edge off,” Sam smirks now, striding toward his bed.

Chest puffed he sits onto the bed, pride in his eyes. He gently runs his large hand up and down your back, pressing a soft mumble of his name out of you.

“A way,” watching you snuggle into Sam’s side when he lies next to you Dean rolls his eyes. “You can’t just have sex with our hunting partner.”

“She’s my girl, not our hunting partner,” now Sam wraps his arms protectively around you. “I deserve something good in my life, Dean. She’s my light in this endless darkness we try to escape…”

SPN Forever Tags

@donnaintx

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@kitkatd7​

@doctor-hp-mcu​

-------------------------------------- 

Sam/Jared Forever Tags

@moosekateer13​

@thevelvetseries​

@rintheemolion​

@train-wrecc​

[meowmeowmessi]

Was Dean really so abusive towards Sam through out the whole series?

I have been seeing some Dean hate a lot 😔 about him being oh so abusive to Sam. I know most of it probably because of season 9 gaslighting. That was so in character for him tho, like he will do anything to prevent Sam from dying. His whole character is protecting Sam, I’m not sayin what he did right in anyway, but I understand... he was desperate. And all the violence was when he was under the influence of the mark. I can’t seem to recalll anytime when he was downright abusive towards Sam. Was he?

Aw nonnie, don't feel down -- there's still plenty of Dean love to go around! *hugs*

Since you brought up s9, I'll start from there! Personally, I agree with you. I know it's a horribly unpopular opinion and Sam stans will crucify me for this one (which is something I find myself saying a lot lately.......), but I wasn't at all shocked or offended by what Dean did in s9. I mean, was it horrible? Yes. Fucked up? Oh yeah, definitely. Probably the most fucked up thing one brother has done to another in the whole show imo. But what were you expecting? It's Dean. Dean NOT stuffing an angel inside Sam to keep him alive and instead letting Death reap his soul would've been ooc as hell??? Jensen said so himself, Sam is the brother who has the strength to live on without Dean, not Dean (not that it means Sam loves him any less, ofc not. Just that they love in different ways). Once again, Dean gaslighting Sam was pretty horrifying, I won't deny it, but spn isn't a sunshine and rainbows kind of show. Sam and Dean's codependency is fucked up, but it's FICTION, so you can't apply your everyday logic to them. Now an argument can be made that the narrative during that arc was pretty skewed by being quite partial to Dean. Having Dean realize what he'd done wrong and apologize would've been nice and restored balance to said narrative, but we didn't get a chance to see that bc Dean went and took on the Mark, and the rest you know pretty well. Honestly? I kind of don't care anymore bc it's clear that after s10 (aka starting from s11) Dean has improved SO MUCH and I think his extra protectiveness of Sam in s11 was partially a result of the guilt Dean might have felt over the whole MoC deal and turning-into-a-demon-and-nearly-killing-Sam business. My humble opinion is that post s10 Dean has had significant growth and trying to hate on him by bringing up shit he did in the previous seasons is pretty juvenile.

For example: I stumbled upon a meta once about what a dick Dean is bc in s15 he tricked Sam into eating bacon by telling him it was actually veggie burger and equating it with the whole Gadreel mess and I was like ?????????? Are y'all high???????? I agree that a person's dietary preferences should be respected without question, but maybe take off your Literature Student Glasses for one goddamn second and try to see the scene for what it is? A big brother joking around and messing with his little brother to cheer him up? It's not that deep dude. Idk what to tell y'all, but siblings do be like that.

The Gadreel thing and the MoC issue aside, another thing bitter Sam stans bring up to paint Dean as "abusive" is the panic room incident of s4. Which is... pretty iffy, ngl. Bc when I was watching s4 I myself hated Dean (and Bobby) for putting Sam in the panic room without even telling him. It was pretty cruel. And while I STILL have gripes about it, I think it's just another example of how the show is fucked up, Sam and Dean's dynamic is fucked up (said with affection), and how Dean treats Sam like his possession. Sam is his. He gets to decide Sam's fate. He will revive Sam, he will (almost) kill Sam, and the authority to make those decisions is his, not Sam's. Bc once again, in Dean's eyes he pretty much owns Sam. After all, he's his little brother. Fucked up, yes, but you're kind of an idiot if you expected anything healthy out of these two.

And there's Dean hitting soulless Sam in s6 when he tells him there's something wrong with him. The thing is, Dean didn't give a shit about soulless Sam. None. Once he realized that Sam's soul was missing he was hell bent on getting it back, and he didn't give a flying fuck about the soulless version of his brother. And soulless Sam knew that. Imo Sam at that point was just an empty shell to Dean and he didn't care about hitting him and hurting him. Bc the one he really cared about was the Sam WITH his soul intact. Dean was positively BEAMING when Sam got his soul back and was acting like his usual empathetic self again and not the cold soulless one. And he was so so careful with him after Death erected the wall in his head. Hell, Dean temporarily died to make that deal with Death. How could you possibly say that Dean doesn't love Sam?

Other minor things that bitter Sam girls/Dean haters use to prove that Dean is "abusive" include: Dean punching Sam in s2 (in the episode where they meet Gordon for the first time. Can't recall the name of the episode rip). Dean was hurt and angry and grieving John, and yeah, maybe that's not any reason to hit Sam, but he's human. He's more prone to violence than Sam is. Doesn't make him abusive. Siblings hit each other all the time, dude. It ain't that big of a deal. And Dean even apologized afterwards. And Sam FORGAVE HIM. Same goes for Dean punching Sam in s7 imo. Anger born of worry and all that.

And lastly, one meta madness I've seen is how Sam flinches whenever Dean has an outburst of anger. Some people use this as proof that Dean (and throw John in the mix too why don't you -_-) abused Sam as a kid and that's why he reacts that way. Which is such utter bullshit lol. Sam has PTSD. He flinches at the sound of closing doors, when he hears sudden footsteps, and just any abrupt noise in general. It has nothing to do with Dean aBuSiNg him as a kid and everything to do with the trauma he suffered throughout his life as a hunter (and then there's the Cage. And the multiple times he's been sexually assaulted. And on and on and on...) (and the reason why Dean doesn't have the same reaction as Sam is bc the symptoms of PTSD are different for everyone, bc rest assured, he too has trauma).

This is just my personal opinion tho! You can think whatever you want, but for me, Sam and Dean's relationship really can't be judged based on our standards of "normal". The things they do to (and for) each other are all part of their codependency. So no, I don't think Dean is abusive to Sam. He's done shit that can be called abusive, sure, but Sam and Dean operate on a moral compass that's completely different from our own, and we have to consider their actions with that in mind.

[deancaspinefest]

It's the End of the World (As We Know It)

Mature | ~60k | Posting on May 10 Author: tiamatv | Artist: Deathbycoldopen

The year is 1996, and Dean’s stuck in Kankakee, Illinois while Dad's on a long-haul hunt. It's not too bad. He’s even got a friend, now—even if Cas is a weird, gawky loner kid who gets way too intense about his sci-fi novels and doesn’t know how to stop staring. Just business as usual. Until his dad comes back, and it isn’t. The year is 2011, and the shadows known as ‘angels’ and ‘demons’ are falling from cracks in the sky, raining death, destruction, and monsters where they pass. When the Joint Task Force asks for their help in stopping the end of the world—John Winchester, his sons, and a ragtag band of hunters—well, that's just business as usual, too. Until Dean meets the cold blue eyes of their team liaison—Dr. Castiel Novak.

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

“Yes, I’m aware of your efforts,” Castiel interrupts, coolly, and he—probably because he’s not an idiot—lowers the fancy knife back into the padded sheath and closes the box over it. “But I’m sure you understand—” “Understand?” Dean’s lips peel back from his teeth. “Seriously?” And Dean’s had enough of his cooler-than-fuckin’-thou attitude. If this asshole is the one who claims he’s out to watch their backs, they’re in trouble. “Fuck you, man. Fuck all of you, and—” “Stop,” John Winchester says—not even raising his voice. Dean’s dad never did need to raise his voice to make anyone mind. Not even Gordon, who Dean’s pretty sure has a death wish, says anything after that. Castiel Novak, in the silence, inclines his chin at all of them as if nothing fucking happened at all, and locks the box with a soft click, straightening to tip the handle up into his hand. Yeah, that pleased, proud curve of his lips earlier was definitely just Dean’s imagination. “Please get changed and return your uniforms to Joshua for calibration. Simulation in the morning at oh-nine-hundred, and briefing will be at fourteen hundred hours tomorrow, as always,” he says, low and firm and cool, and turns to leave. “God, what a fucking cold fish,” Gordon mutters—loud enough that Cas must be able to hear him. But Cas doesn’t turn and he doesn’t react, pulling the case behind him, its wheels whirring like a skateboard. No, some part of Dean still wants to say. No. (Cas never did react. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt with it. He sat at a corner table by himself for what must’ve been months, and didn’t so much as attempt to make a single damned friend in their high school. He tried to stumble himself home bullied, even bleeding, and didn’t blink, and didn’t bat an eye. But the moment Dean invited him in, Cas was there, all hopeful quiet smile and makeshift fishing rod and comic books in his backpack to share.) But this guy isn’t Dean’s Cas anymore. Dean can’t exactly deny what Gordon said. It’s half of why he’s still so mad. The other half, though? What the fuck is wrong with Dean that some tiny, weak, goddamned part of him still wants to protect Cas? This asshole needs protecting about as much as Dean’s boots. It’s not like he even really matters, right? He’s just doing his job. That’s all they are to him. The silence that follows when no one contradicts Gordon doesn’t get a reaction out of Cas, either, and the door to the gear room closes quietly behind him.

[continue reading on May 10]

[wheres-sam]

I binge-watched the spn anime because of the brain rot

It’s bad except for the parts that are good, and it’s pretty to look at. Here’s a comprehensive list of pros and cons. Spoilers ahead!

Pros:

- more psychic kid backstories: Max (Nightmare), Lily (Darkness Calling), Jake (Loser)

- more psychic Sam

- more Azazel

- basically if you want more about the psychic/demon kids, watch the anime

- more young Winchesters

- the monsters, the superhuman abilities, the fight scenes, it all looks really cool animated. (But PSA it’s violent. It doesn’t shy away from blood and gore.)

- Sam and Jessica backstory

- more of the brothers being cute and funny together

- Missouri isn’t forgotten

- includes some Japanese legends/mythology

- the impala looks great in every scene. They did Baby good

- the “Supernatural” intro title

- the outro sketches of the boys hanging out with Baby

- Episodes adapted from the original show are different, but I like some of the changes? It’d be boring if it was an exact retelling and the visual medium wasn’t utilized. (I know I said spoilers before, but this is when they get detailed. If you wanna skip over, I’ll tell you where they STOP.)

Nightmare goes more into the abuse Max has suffered. Instead of locking Sam in a closet, Max sends Sam through the floor and covers the hole by breaking his bed in half, and it’s extremely sexy how Sam shoves the 2 halves apart with his mind. Later on Dean puts bandaids on Sam and they talk about demons loudly in front of a fast food intercom.

In My Time of Dying highlights the guilt Sam feels over Dean. In both the og and the anime John verbally blames Sam for not shooting Azazel, but where in the og Sam goes right on arguing, in the anime he reels back for a moment like he was slapped. Dean’s spirit touches Sam’s shoulder, and Sam knows immediately that it’s Dean. He doesn’t even question it. Instead of “Are you here?” it’s “I know you’re with me. I can feel it.” And I love that. Dean figures out right away he’s dealing with a reaper, and the reaper takes on the appearance of Mary to convince Dean to move on to the afterlife. Instead of a Ouija board, Sam uses a laptop to talk to Dean, and the first word Dean types is “Sammy!” Dean is so fond of his little brother and Sam is so baby.

Rising Son is an anime only episode, but it draws inspiration from John’s journal. Dean has a proper breakdown over his dad’s death and the possibility of having to kill Sam. Ms. Lyle, Sam’s favorite teacher who turns out to be possessed, is explored. John takes Dean hunting, and in the journal Dean hesitates to shoot a buck, and little Sam shoots it thinking it was endangering Dean. In the anime, Dean’s cornered by a moose and Sam makes it explode with his mind and it’s so !!! How little Sam’s first words are, “I’m glad you’re okay. It didn’t hurt you?” The boys are covered in blood and guts and Dean’s like 👁👄👁 “Why are you here? Did you do this?” And then Sam starts freaking out a little, the shock sets in. “I don’t know. I don’t know, honest.” And he’s staring at his hands, and I am a big fan of Sam showing superhuman signs as a kid. Like in the journal, Ms. Lyle tries to take Sam. She gives Sam the illusion of a choice to come with her or stay with Dean, and Sam chooses Dean. This ep is pretty much when John figures out Sam has demon blood. He kills another hunter that wants to kill Sam.

Crossroad is based on Crossroad Blues, and I love how the crossroads demon shows up. It’s hard to describe, but it’s so neat, like she’s walking underneath Dean in this mirror world, and then the mirror world takes over the regular world, so you really get this sense of otherworldly seclusion, existing outside of time.

What Is and Should Never Be shows Dean is a firefighter in his ‘Mary never died’ world, and Sam got to play soccer growing up like he wanted. The brothers hold each other after Dean is saved from the Djinn.

AHBL part 1. When Azazel shows Sam that he fed Sam his blood, Sam gags and slaps a hand over his mouth, and I like that reaction more than the live action. The psychic kids get to go more anime with their powers, and that’s a lot of fun. They don’t need weapons. Ava slams Sam into the brick side of a building and cuts him without touching him. Jake snaps Ava’s neck with one hand and then catches Sam in his arms. When Jake attacks Sam, there’s no gun or knife. He’s relying on his super strength, his fists. Sam throws his arms up to protect himself, and (accidentally?) pushes Jake back with his mind, and the collision creates a crater in the ground. Jake puts his fist through Sam’s chest to kill him. It’s brutal and it’s rad as fuck. These kids are terrifyingly powerful.

The Sam and Dean reunion before Sam is killed is not as emotional as the live action imo, but what the anime does intrigues me. Hurts in a different way. Because Sam is stunned after he uses telekinesis again, on Jake, and when he hears Dean behind him Sam freezes. He doesn’t look relieved to see Dean, but wary and weary. It’s Dean taking steps towards him, not the other way around, and it has to be because Sam doesn’t know if Dean saw him push Jake back. Sam doesn’t know how Dean’s going to respond to all this, to him, having powers that come from a demon, the demon, Azazel. Sam hasn’t had a chance to process anything. He’s scared. He’s tired. And the way the anime focuses on Sam’s eyes here. Gah. “Dean. Dean, I’m...” I’m sorry. I’m all right. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m a monster. There’s also this one shot between Sam and Azazel that sends me because of how anime it is.

AHBL part 2. I love how Sam brought back to life is animated, with all the color returning to his face and a light wind rustling his hair and his lips parting to indicate his soul returning to his body. Jake attacks Dean, and, a lot like how Sam activates telekinesis to save Dean from Max in Nightmare, Sam gets a burst of superhuman strength. He rips Jake’s arm off and tackles him to the ground and beats him to death, punches holes into his body, and it’s so savage and bloody and scary, and I love it. The Devil’s Gate opening looks so cool animated. Same goes for Dean shooting Azazel with the Colt.

Not to turn this into a meta post, but I also noticed how the last couple times Sam uses his powers they’re colored green-yellow, the same colors as Mary’s ghost when she reveals herself in the anime’s Home, and I don’t know if that’s intentional, but it’s neat how it draws a connection to Sam’s biological family instead of Azazel’s blood.

The Spirit of Vegas is like Bad Day at Black Rock, but Dean has all the bad luck instead, and it shows off the silly cartoony physics that make animation fun. The boys sleep outside and split a chunk of bread for dinner. Also this lil bit of Dean’s hair tied in a bow.

- (STOP) the brothers are pretty. I am not immune to animated Sam and Dean Winchester.

Cons:

- Jensen doesn’t voice Dean until the last 2 episodes

- The English dialogue is really bad sometimes. I wish I could’ve watched the sub, but I couldn’t figure out how to change the language

- Some character designs are really different from the live action, and maybe that’s petty, but if you’re gonna change the characters diversify them? Don’t just make them unrecognizable white people

- Missouri’s design as a stereotypical witch doctor is racist

- Gordon is replaced by some British guy named Jason?? Why

- There’s an LGBT character who is not accepted by her family and, while that bigotry is always shown to be negative and she dies the hero of the episode, she still dies ://

- In the English dub Lily’s gf is made into her roommate instead. Idk about the sub

- Bobby’s pretty much a totally different character

- Sam and Dean are OOC sometimes

- Dean’s hair usually looks darker than Sam’s and it drives me crazy

- The storytelling is, overall, not nearly as good as the live action

- The non-Japanese lore in some episodes makes no sense. Sometimes it’s just plain ridiculous?? Like there’s a giant robot made of cars and scrap metal controlled by a demon? ? I wish I was making this up

- Meg’s role is severely reduced

- No Harvelles or Roadhouse

- Shadows are overused, but maybe that’s because the og show is so dark?

- I don’t mind the art style. I like the aesthetic, but I wish it was a little more expressive. It doesn’t do Sam’s puppy eyes justice.

- AZAZEL’S SHADOW?? PROPORTIONS?? PEA SIZED HEAD

- Idk why they mashed season 1 and 2 together? The story feels rushed

- there’s not as much chemistry between Sam and Dean, but that’s a given without J2 on screen

- Nobody tells you!! That there’s scenes after the credits!! And some of them are important! Why are important scenes after the credits??

The anime would not be good on its own, without the heart and depth the live action brings, but it works as supplementary material you can cherry pick from. I would watch more if there were more episodes.

It hasn’t turned me off from wanting an spn anime. I’d like to see it continued or redone, with updated animation and better scripts. There’s a lot of potential in exploring more about the psychic kids and Sam’s powers, storylines that were cut short in the og show. Animation is a great medium for showing off the supernatural, getting creative and creepier with the designs, dramatic with the fight scenes, without having to worry about bad CGI. I don’t want a live action reboot, but I think a redone animated series could be a lot of fun! (As long as it’s not an excuse to make any romantic ships take over. SPN is a platonic love story, and I like it that way.)

If you made it to the end here and are interested in watching the spn anime, you can watch it for free on the CW Seed app! You can probably stream it elsewhere, but idk where!