#good news everyone i have never written hamilton fanfiction

[keevan-girlboss]

exactly 0.2 seconds after posting this i absolutely panicked thinking i typed hamilton instead of hannibal

very confidently stated i have never written hannibal fanfiction almost a month ago and am only just now forced to realize That Was A Fucking Lie, Apparently

[maxbegone]

AND WE ARE BACK! 

Part two of the Schitt’s Creek Community Fic Rec is here! This time, we focused on celebrating our favorite AU’s! Once again, this is dedicated with love to the the authors of this community! Every participant chose one AU (which was a little hard to do for some) to share and why they enjoyed it.

Thank you to everyone who submitted!

@bestwisheswarmestregards​ // @brighter-than-sunshine​ // @danieljradcliffe​ // @devilstelephone​ // @fishyspots​ // @imargaery​ // @justwaiting23​ // @patrickbrewsky​ // @rockinhamburger​ // @roguebabyinyourstore​ // @rosebuddsmotel​ // @stuck-on-your-heart​ // @the-13th-wheel​ // @thedidipickles​ // @thisbuildinghasfeelings​ // @yourbuttervoicedbeau​

And a very special thank you to anyone who has ever written anything in this community! 

Everything is posted below the cut, and you can check out part one here! 

**As always, if I missed an author’s tumblr handle, please let me know! 

@bestwisheswarmestregards​

Odd Man Rush by @samwhambam​

It’s David and Patrick and Hockey! Three of my favorite things! Also the ending is one of my favorite endings. It’s so sweet! It’s part of the series score and all of the stories are so cute but this one is my favorite!

@brighter-than-sunshine​

Thanks For Choosing Bagged! by dinnfameron

I love this one because the dialogue is so adorable, and true to David and Patrick! I can totally see the characters getting involved in something like this, like a different version of a rom-com.

@danieljradcliffe​

Going Down by concannonfodder

This is one of the best stories of NYC!David and recently out Patrick while they're both trying to find themselves. It's beautifully written and my favourite part is that each chapter switches between David and Patrick's POV. It does a great job of highlighting the aspects of their personalities that we know and love but shows them to us in a new light.

@devilstelephone​

sustineo by @rockinhamburger​

The contemporary art discussions between Patrick and David are interesting and important to the story. Patrick still cares for and emotionally connects with David In a world that is so different than Schitt’s Creek. I liked that Sebastian Raine was the evil force without being included as a character.

@fishyspots​

Welcome to Cabaret by @vivianblakesunrisebay​

It's lovely from start to finish! In this 'verse, Christmas World didn't pull out, so David didn't get the lease for the general store. Instead, he gets roped into helping Moira with Cabaret, and meets Patrick (kind of) through that. I love the way this author writes. The dialogue is in-character, and the plot is wonderful and pulls out moments from canon and reimagines them in some truly inspired ways. I'm such a fan of all of this author's works; this was the first one I read, and it remains my favorite.

@imargaery​

David.; or, a Tale of Misapplied Sense by Siria

A Jane Austen D&P AU and it is BRILLIANT. If you're an Austen fan, you will be able to immediately pick up on how well this author adapted Austen's style, wit, character descriptions, and ability to whack you over the head with romance when you're not even ready for it yet. Siria is a very experienced fanfic writer, but writes for many fandoms, so I think that's maybe why it doesn't have that many hits? I'm so glad I clicked on it. I want to wrap myself up in this story. I want to make a podfic out of it. I want to put it on a t-shirt and wear it every day. Also, it's in a regency AU where homophobia isn't a thing, so you don't even have to worry about that. I want to tell you more, but that would spoil it. Just read the damn thing and thank me later.

@justwaiting23​

You Were the Ocean, I Was Just a Stone by @al-ex-an-d-er-hamiltons​ 

The image of a curly haired fisherman Patrick is enough but this whole fic is such a sweet concept. Their interactions in this are so reminiscent of the show but also so different because they already know each other vaguely, and I come back to this fic over and over just because it's the perfect mix of angsty miscommunication and fluff.

@maxbegone​

Known and Be Known by ahurston

As someone who tends to lean toward canon/canon-divergent stories, this was a refreshing take on an AU. Beautifully written and wonderfully raw, ahurston conveyed the vulnerabilities between both David and Patrick so wonderfully. “The mortifying ordeal of being known,” personified in fanfiction format. With humor and some wonderfully hot scenes peppered throughout, this fic was just brilliant from start to finish. I love when authors explore Patrick's insecurities and vulnerabilities - they aren't written about as often as David's are. I implore you to read this, if you're able.

@patrickbrewsky​

Bound by Symmetry by barelypink

They say write what you know. I instead read what I know. David is the accidentally fantastic teacher we all wished we'd had in high school, and some of us wish/hope we are or might be one day. This fic is a great exploration of combining everything David knows he is (creative, bright, v.knowledgeable about art) and all the things he thinks he's not (empathetic, a role model, great with kids, selfless, kind, & big hearted) The selling point quote: "And it feels good, David realizes, to have a job that means something, a purpose beyond himself. A place where he feels like he belongs, just like his students." (David Rose proves he is both a good and nice person).

@rockinhamburger​

Blackbird, Fly by distractivate 

This is a post-apocalyptic story about love, connection, and hope, with a central theme of growth from destruction. I could not put this one down; I read it feverishly in one sitting, desperate to soak up every word. I love this fic because it is what I like to think of as an exemplar for transformative works (one of ao3’s top values). I love the way the fic stretches toward the light in the dark. It makes me think: about the quintessential elements of these characters, what remains the same despite changed circumstance, and what inevitably shifts when these characters we know and love are faced with a situation far outside their experience or comfort. This story likely hits differently in 2020, when post-apocalyptic narratives feel much less distant than they might have just a year ago. And yet, all the more reason to read an incredible work about hope and resilience and transformation.

@roguebabyinyourstore​

Fifteen Hundred Miles by MoreHuman

Where do I even begin with this fic? I was at first skeptical about what reason David Rose would have to willingly subject himself to a trek through the wilderness out of his own volition. Well I’m so glad I ignored that admittedly stupid part of me because this is one of the mostly beautifully crafted stories I have ever read. Patrick and David are individually on their own journeys of self-discovery, but the way they help each other find what they sought... It’s breathtaking. Their feelings for each other bloom so organically over their time together that despite the circumstances laid out before them, the miles that they stumble and walk and run bring them miles closer to each other. Closer to the love that they both didn’t know they needed. The characters come alive and are identical to their canon selves. The dialogue and banter are spot on David and Patrick. The writing itself is superb. The tropes are incredible, the pining and *oh no there’s only one tent.* The slow burn is tantalizing but in a way that feels true to a genuine love story. The way the setting somehow breathes in tune with the characters, the way they leave messages behind in the trail register—conveying more than they can utter aloud— and the way their families communicate with them throughout their time on the trail through letters. All of the elements of this story ground it in universal truth, in feelings that are not only relatable, believable but demand to be felt. I can wax poetic until I am blue in the face, but really... Read this story. And then reread it a million times.

@rosebuddsmotel​

I Carry These Heart-Shapes Only to You by @ladyflowdi​ and @ships-to-sail​

There are over 180,000 words in this WWII AU, but not one of those words is wasted. It is gorgeous in its prose, and incredibly romantic without romanticizing the very real pain and tragedies of the era in which it exists. It's not an easy read by any means, but it's the kind of cathartic emotional journey that is more than worth it in the end.

@stuck-on-your-heart​ 

kiss from a rose by mihaly ( @davidroseshusband​ )

What can I say about this very special fic that would do it justice? In this story, Alexis stars in a Bachelorette-style dating show and it’s every bit as brilliant as it sounds. On top of the incredible characterization, there are little surprises at every turn, there’s pining, and of course, there’s love. Secret love, even. This fic is truly addicting – I promise you won’t be able to stop once you start reading, and it will leave you feeling so satisfied (and if you’re like me, a little misty)!!!

@the-13th-wheel​

Hold Me Like You’ll Never Let Me Go by @mooodlighting​

It is a wonderful short AU where Patrick and David where they meet at an airport after they get snowed in. It is cute, there is longing and pining that just make it a wonderful read!

@thedidipickles​

Beneath the Winter Snow by Distractivate

The writing is so utterly gorgeous all the way throughout that I frequently needed to take breaks to breathe. The author *perfectly* builds an Olympic world that I can totally see my favorite characters inhabiting, and the resolution is gorgeous. All of Distractivate's AUs are amazing, but this one still stands out.

@thisbuildinghasfeelings​

How Do We Get Back by @unfolded73​

This one deals with a literal alternate universe, which is the first thing I loved about it because I had never read a fic quite like it before. It's a beautifully written 60,000+ word masterpiece that definitely makes me feel ALL the feelings. In addition, it is absolutely riveting. I could not stop reading until I got to the end.

@yourbuttervoicedbeau​

Make It To Me by figmentof ( @rosesdavid )

Epistolatory fic is SO hard to pull off and the author does such an incredible job with the way the characters shine through even though we only see them interact via text message. This fic is my comfort food and I reread it regularly <3

Anonymous Recs:

Just Breathe by olivebranchesandredwine

I love this one because it's got Patrick as a yoga teacher (hot!) and shows David being proactive about anxiety and it's just such a lovely story.

Shall I Stay? by alladaydream ( @maybewecandreamalittle​​ )

This is so worth the 100k wordcount. 18-year-old David and Patrick sweetly leaning into first love, a lot of angst and pining in the middle that allow them both to heal and grow, and a heartfelt reconciliation. Plus, two bonus cherries on top with artist!David and a beautiful epilogue in which they (spoiler) live happily ever after. The tone and pacing of this fic is so good, and I always go back to it when I want to read something comforting.

Your Heart is Keeping Time with Me by @yourbuttervoicedbeau​

I haven't seen 50 First Dates, but this fic is better than the movie could ever be. The author's writing is so beautiful and her David who has amnesia and her Patrick who wants to help him are just PERFECT. I want more and more and more of this.

Once again, thank you to everyone who participated and thank you to every single person who has written something in this community! It would be wonderful to do a part three, but for now, enjoy some alternate universe fics! 

[justalittlelitnerd]

What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera

“I don’t know if we’re a love story or a story about love. But I know whatever we are that it’s great because we kept jumping through the hoops in the first place.”

I didn’t think this story could possibly be cuter than I expected to be but it was. It far surpassed my expectations with it’s quirky, insecure ensemble of characters and the story was written in a way that convinced me to accept such an open ending when usually that’s my biggest pet peeve.

Overall, this story is just a fun take on a whirlwind summer romance because it pulls in all the weird, slightly crazy aspects of modern dating like missed connections and the ease of internet stalking. It was exactly what I needed as a counterbalance to the dumpster fire that is 2020 and if you’re looking for that brief escape into a wholesome, awkward romance and story about first loves and second chances and the complexity of dating and friendships than I would highly recommend!  

My only semi-complaint were the issues within Arthur, Jessie, and Ethan’s friendship could’ve been fleshed out more to do justice to the time the authors took to flesh out the side characters and their relationships with the main characters. I felt like that fight didn’t balance out the fight Ben had with Dylan because it was clear how that disagreement was building over the course of the summer. Also it felt too obvious that Jessie and Ethan were secretly dating and I was confused and unsatisfied by Ethan’s explanation that he didn’t text Arthur back the whole summer simply because it felt like lying and didn’t think twice about how ignoring Arthur (especially right after he came out) would make him feel. Also the whole time it made it seem like Arthur and Jessie were slightly closer and she had no qualms texting him and lying to him all summer and let’s just say I’m not as forgiving as Arthur was.

Let me know your thoughts!

Keep reading for some fun quotes I saved!

Normally, being an intern is more boring than terrible, but today’s uniquely shitty. You know that kind of day where the printer runs out of paper, and there’s none in the supply room, so you try to steal some from the copier, but you can’t get the drawer open, and then you push some wrong button and the copier starts beeping? And you’re standing there thinking that whoever invented copy machines is this close to getting their ass kicked? By you? By a five-foot-six Jewish kid with ADHD and the rage of a tornado? That kind of day? Yeah.

I believe in love at first sight. Fate, the universe, all of it. But not how you’re thinking. I don’t mean it in the our souls were split and you’re my other half forever and ever sort of way. I just think you’re meant to meet some people. I think the universe nudges them into your path.

Ex-boyfriend. Which means Box Boy dates guys. And okay. Wow. This doesn’t happen to me. It just doesn’t. But maybe the universe works differently in New York. Box Boy dates guys. I’M A GUY.

It’s weird—now I want to prove it. I want some gay ID card to whip out like a cop badge. Or I could demonstrate in other ways. God. I would happily demonstrate.

“On the sad scale, how are you feeling today?” Dylan asks. “Opening-montage-of-Up sad? Or Nemo’s-mom-dying sad?” “Whoa, no. Definitely not opening-montage-of-Up sad. That shit was devastating. I’d guess I’m somewhere in between, like last-five-minutes-of-Toy-Story-3 sad. I just need time to bounce back.”

“Let’s talk about why you really didn’t mail the breakup box,” Dylan says, like he’s going to bill me for this conversation. “Only if you drop the therapist voice,” I say. “Maybe we can begin with why my tone bothers you. Do I remind you of an authority figure?”

I’m certain that I’m 100 percent gay because if I was even 1 percent bisexual I would be crushing hard on Samantha for looks and high energy alone. Dylan watches Samantha as if she were glowing, and I wonder when I went dim for Hudson. If I ever really glowed for him at all.

“I would love to start my own app games. I have this one idea. It’s like Frogger, but instead of heavy-traffic streets, it takes place on the sidewalks of New York. You die if you get hit with someone’s shopping cart and you lose points if you cross a tourist’s path while they’re taking photos.

Emotional blue balls. That’s what it feels like. It’s being handed everything you’ve ever longed for, only for it to slip through your fingers. And there’s no way to fix it. Nothing you can do but slink toward the kitchen counter in a full-body mope.

"You’re not being fair to yourself,” Dylan says. “Maybe not. But I’m being honest.”

It’s this strangling fear that we’ll be sitting there and we’ll run out of something to say and I’ll be able to witness the exact moment someone falls out of love with me because I don’t have enough substance to keep a conversation alive over a meal. Why would you want to talk to me for the rest of your life?

But no. Not even close. Instead, it’s me bleeding out all my neuroses, looking for answers to questions I have no right to be asking. But I don’t know how to make myself stop asking them. People like me should come with a mute button.

I have only said one word on this call—a call I made—and I’m already ready to settle into another few hours of Arthur rambling. It’s better than my favorite Lorde and Lana Del Rey songs.

“You can sing a different song next time,” I say. I like that we’ll have a next time. That even though things have gone wrong, we’ve tried to make it right. “So I was nervous to admit this at karaoke, but—” “Please don’t tell me you’re actually a bunch of rats wearing a cute boy as a disguise.” “Worse.” I take a deep, dramatic breath. “I haven’t listened to Hamilton.” He doesn’t say anything. Then the line goes dead.

I tell him how I want to write Hamilton and Harry Potter crossover fanfiction and call it The Great American Fantasy Novel and stage all those duels in the dueling club and what houses I would sort everyone in.

“All history should be taught through rap by Lin-Manuel Miranda.”

“How lucky we are to be alive right now, right?” “Oh my god, you’re speaking Hamilton—I’m just so into you. I’m helpless.” I’m so into him too.

“For the most part, I think. But every city has its assholes.” I want to hug him, but he doesn’t want to be touched right now. Like any affection is going to become a target sign on our backs. Like we’ll get punished because our hearts are different.

But it’s just like the old posts on Instagram that I can’t get myself to just delete. Like Hudson never happened. Like he’s someone to be ashamed of. And throwing away the good memories feels like a slap in the face to our history. It has nothing to do with the future.

When the song ends, I’m ready to apologize. But Arthur takes my phone and looks up a cover of “Only Us” from Dear Evan Hansen, and he comes closer to me as he sings the words “So what if it’s us, what if it’s us, and only us.” This song is so beautiful. What it feels like to be wanted by someone who sees you for who you are. How the world—the business of Times Square—can feel like it’s falling away when you’re with the right person.

But maybe this isn’t how life works. Maybe it’s all about people coming into your life for a little while and you take what they give you and use it on your next friendship or relationship. And if you’re lucky, maybe some people pop back in after you thought they were gone for good.

Maybe I’m feeling masochistic. Or maybe I’ve unlocked the secret, and this is how people focus. All you have to do is have a cute boy rip your heart out, then let your best friends stomp all over it, and if it’s still beating even a little bit, finish the job yourself. Say the worst things and yell your voice raw and destroy everything you love until, lo and behold, the monotony of work is a relief.

I don’t know how to tell Hudson that I want to throw away a box of things that used to mean everything to me. But that fucking box. I can’t keep treating it like something that belongs in a museum’s exhibit specializing in one guy’s history of breaking hearts.

“Do not ask any what-if questions about you and Hudson dating again. That would probably end in literal heartbreak at the hands of someone pretty familiar with the law because of his summer internship but too reckless to care.”

It’s hard to be a fully functioning Arthur when your heart lives in four envelopes.

I can’t lose you forever. You can’t be someone I just knew for one summer. I have to know you every summer.

[hiddendreamer67]

HiddenDreamer67′s MasterPost

Glossary

G/t-  aka, these stories contain extreme size differences, which often means some of the characters are borrowers, fairies, giants, etc. Could also include things like characters shrinking or growing.

AO3- Archive Of Our Own, a popular Fanfiction site.

In Progress- I intend to continue this work, although sometimes I forget about all of these wips and reminders are welcome. Some have listed scheduled updates. 

On Hiatus- It’s been a long time since I’ve updated this work and I’m open to coming back to them if somebody asks for more but I don’t plan to write more on my own volition right now.

All of the works are being placed beneath a Read More link for organizational purposes. There are many of them. Enjoy. :)

G/t works- 

Choose Your Tiny- A short choose-your-own-adventure written for an old contest. Linked Here

A Little Lie Couldn’t Hurt- When Patton finds a tiny little guy in the back room of a pet store, he's determined to help. But when he has to continually lie to keep the guy safe, is he really doing more good than harm?Aka, Deceit Sanders is a manipulative lil' tiny who gets what he wants and makes Patton feel terrible. (on Hiatus)

AO3 Link | Part 1  | Part 2  |  Part 3  | Part 4

Infinitesimal!Fins-"So, a mermen AU with the SidesOnly they’re all smol and goldfish-sizedAnd one day they’re captured and placed in a pet storeWithin separate fish tanksUnable to touch one anotherOnly able to watch and witnessAs one by one, they’re sold off to terrifying giant strangers..." Inspired by a prompt by @secretglittersauce (in progress)

AO3 Link | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 |Part 7|Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

Borrower Analogical-  Two borrowers, Virgil and Logan, have been living together for quite some time when Logan has the unfortunate luck to get caught. Now only time can tell what's in store for our intrepid heroes as Virgil attempts to save his companion. Meanwhile, Roman and Patton cannot get over the joy of finding such a cute mystical creature, and with every day their curiosity only grows. (in progress, updates Mondays)

AO3 Link |  Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Dragged From the Depths- Dr. Picani, Captain Deceit, and Interns Thomas and Remy aren't sure what to make of the strange violet-colored creature that is brought into the lab one day...but perhaps some things are better off untouched.Furious about the disappearance of their brother Virgil, mers Roman, Logan, and Patton are quick to try to jump to his rescue and get their family back together again. (in progress)

AO3 Link |  Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

The Injured Fairy-  Summary: Roman the butterfly catcher stumbles upon the most beautiful pair of violet wings he’s ever seen…until he realizes, that’s no butterfly. (complete, sequel coming) 

Read it here

Amanda’s Discovery-  A college student who’s always been enchanted by the idea of tiny people is in for a surprise when she discovers four have been living in her dorm room walls. Borrowers Roman, Logan, Virgil, and Patton have been acting as a less-than-functional family ever since their parents left the picture. Featuring youngest brother Patton who cannot wait to go borrowing, Second youngest Virgil who is banned from borrowing ever since his anxiety attacks nearly got them caught, second eldest Logan who questions every rule he has ever been taught, and eldest brother Roman who is just doing his best to keep his brothers in line without murdering them in the process. (in progress, turned into an ask blog)

AO3 Link | LINK TO ASK BLOG

G/t Prompt universes 

Note: All of these universes are based upon prompts that people have sent in. Asks and prompts are always welcome for any of these universes, even if so far the world only consists of one prompt. 

borrower!Thomas in Human!Roman’s apartment-

Pizza Therapy- (complete) Part 1 | Part 2

Human!Virgil on an alien spaceship team- 

An Old Friend

Human!Patton and his borrower!Virgil son- 

You’re Freezing

Humans Virgil and Patton own pet borrowers Logan and Roman (who aren’t happy about it)-

Swordfight 

 Logan’s Escape

Shrinking Sides- Is Roman shrinking or Logan growing?…or both? It seems that when the sides get overwhelmed by emotions, these feelings can get the best of them and cause the sides to change size.

Main Story (in progress)- Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Punk!Logan is a Giant teen who befriends the teen human!Virgil-

Origin Story (complete): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Logan’s House (in progress): Part 1 | Part 2 

Future Drabble:  Can I sleepover?

Human!Logan is friends with a borrower!Roman-

Dollhouse

Patton hears noises in his walls and discovers a borrower!Virgil-

Main Story (in progress)- Part 1 | Part 2

Patton is imprisoned by Giants after climbing a beanstalk-

Sing me a Song (oneshot)

Logan and Roman are borrowers who live willingly with humans Patton and Virgil-

Practice makes Perfect (complete)- Part 1 | Part 2

Kitchen Intervention (oneshot)

Patton comforts a Giant by the name of Virgil sulking in the woods-

Origins (complete)- Part 1 | Part 2

Giant!Roman is friends with a human!Virgil-

The Party (complete)- Part 1 | Part 2

Let’s Go Somewhere

Giant!Patton lives out in the woods and is friends with a human!Virgil (who in turn is friends with an unsuspecting human!Logan)-

Virgil’s Absence

Borrower!Logan is kept in a cage by Human!Patton-

Caged

Borrower!Logan lives in an apartment building where the other three (Patton, Virgil, and Roman) are humans-

Clever Borrower (Logan escapes his captors)

Comforting Roman (Logan comforts a drunk Roman)

Human!Roman is friends (best friends?) with borrower!Virgil-

Before the Party 

After the Party

Virgil and the Beanstalk- Virgil ends up at the top of the beanstalk where he is kidnapped by Giants Roman, Patton and Logan. Why do they hate humans so much? Will Virgil ever be able to escape? And why did that mysterious snakelike figure give him the beans in the first place?

Main Story (in progress): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Borrower!Patton is the honorary father of three college students: Roman, Virgil, and Logan-

Logan’s Presentation

Virgil is in a photography class, and he lives with borrowers-

Roman on Camera

Virgil is a human who’s friends with borrower Logan. Little does he know Logan has a twin-

Meet Roman

Roman is a kid who has a ‘pet’ (friend?) tiny named Logan-

School Stowaway

Borrowers Roman and Patton are friends with their humans Virgil and Logan-

Roman’s Birthday (oneshot)

Remy lives in a house where in borrower brothers Logan, Roman, Patton, and Virgil also live-

Discovery (oneshot)

Logan and Patton are giants that adopt a human child named Virgil-

Sick day (oneshot)

Borrowers Deceit and Virgil get caught by a human Patton after Deceit is injured in a lawnmower incident-

Main Story (in progress)- Part 1 

Scientist Roman and his tiny lab rat Logan-

Passing the Burden

Scientists Logan and Virgil observe the new giant captive at their facility-

Thrash All You Want

The Creativitwins, Roman and Remus, are kids who discover a group of fairies (Patton, Logan, Virgil, Deceit) and do not know how to be gentle with their toys-

Play Time

Borrower Roman discovered by a startled Human Logan-

The Coffee Pot Incident

Human Thomas and Giants Roman, Patton, Virgil, Logan in a world where Giants never get colds-

Thomas Gets Sick

Giant!Deceit and Tiny!Remus do not get along-

Flip You Off

Remus is an imp living in Thomas’ house-

Virgil Eavesdrops

Remus is a tiny used as a lab rat in Roman and Logan’s lab-

Eager Subject

Non-G/t works-

Roman’s World Turned Upside Down-  Roman Sanders was used to being in the spotlight, so when the nerdy class president swoops in and steals the lead in "Hamilton" senior year, Roman's world gets turned upside down. Suddenly everyone in the school is fawning over Logan, including Roman's best friend Patton. Roman can’t seem to understand where it all went so wrong, or why the techie Virgil seems to get such a kick out of Roman’s dethroning. (on Hiatus)

AO3 Link | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Left Sides of the Brain-  In the left brain hallway, Logan lived alone. Which was fine, he supposed. Of course, all that changed when Anxiety moved in. Analogical.

Left Brain (complete, right side on hiatus)

The Sanders Games- In the 75th Hunger Games, only one male* tribute is chosen from each of the twelve districts. Watch these twelve children as alliances are formed, bonds are broken, angst ensues, and one by one they all fall at the cruel hands of their peers.After all, there can only be one victor. (in progress, updates Fridays)

AO3 link | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Two Boyfriends in One- Roman and Remus share a body. During the day, Roman has control, and at night Remus comes out to play. The only trouble is, they both have different tastes in which Sanders brother to date, and one night when Roman stays over a little too late Virgil becomes the last to know about this situation. 

Virgil Finds Out

To check out a whole bunch of Sanders Sides G/t stories titled “Perspective Series” that I co-write with @arc852​, go to the following blog: @perspective-series​ 

For more of my writings, you can follow my writing blog: @hiddendreamerwriting

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Writing Advice (Part 1 of 3)

I recently stumbled across this writer ask meme about pieces of writing advice, and I was having so much fun thinking about it that I decided to just respond to them all!

1. Nothing is perfect

This is one of those truths that can be used for good or ill.

It’s easy to see the flaws in your own work, to hold your own writing to a higher standard than literally anyone else would. It’s good to say “nothing is perfect” to assure yourself that your work is good enough.

But if someone has called you out for using racist stereotypes in your writing, and your response is, “Well, nothing is perfect! So leave me alone and don’t tell me to fix it!” That’s bad!

Allow me to misquote the Talmud and tell you to keep two pieces of paper in your pocket, and take each out as you need it. The first says “nothing is perfect.” The second says “I can, and should, always do better.”

2. Don’t use adverbs

Adverbs are tools. Understand their purpose and use them wisely.

To prove my own point, I could not have written that second sentence without an adverb – “wisely.” The purpose of an adverb is to modify a verb or an adjective. It wouldn’t be enough for me to just say, “use them.” How should one use them? Wisely!

The best advice I ever got about adverbs is that they should be used when they are necessary for clarity.

If I write, “Sophie smiled happily,” that is not a necessary adverb. It is already obvious from the fact that I am smiling that I am happy. Using “happily” is redundant and uninteresting.

If I write, “Sophie smiled sadly,” on the other hand – that is necessary. The adverb changes the picture that you make in your head, and the sentence is more interesting as a result.

3. Write what you know

I get why people use this as advice. I’m much more a fan of saying “know what you write.”

Feel free to go beyond your own individual experience when you write – but for god’s sake, do your research. Expand what you know, so that you can write.

4. Avoid repetition

Like adverbs, repetition is a tool. Use it wisely.

What can repetition accomplish?

Emphasis – highlighting something as important.

Memorability – helping the audience remember.

Familiarity – we tend to like and believe what we hear over and over.

Musicians understand this. Listen to the Hadestown soundtrack and keep a tally of how many times Orpheus is referred to as “a poor boy” or Eurydice as “a hungry young girl.” Listen to the Hamilton soundtrack and count how many times Burr opens a song with “How does a –?” Think back on all the times you heard the new hit song of the year and you shrugged it off, but a couple weeks later, after you heard it on every radio station, on everyone’s Spotify playlist, in every YouTube ad – it “grew on you.”

The trick is using repetition just enough that it provides a useful structure, but not so much that it’s noticed to the point of instilling boredom.

5. Write every day

Sure, why not. If you write just ten words every day for a year, you’ll have nearly 4,000 words at the end of it – a short story. If you write a hundred words every day for a year, that’s almost 40,000 words – a decent novella. Writing every day is a good way to end up with something written.

But don’t beat yourself up if you don’t or can’t write every day. Writing takes effort. You have other things to devote energy to – work, school, groceries, cleaning, socializing, confronting your own mortality, finding out how season seven of Clone Wars ends.

I encourage you to notice all the things that you do every day which isn’t officially “writing” but is still a part of being a writer.

Now, this is something I struggle with. I go months without touching my novel, and it’s easy for me to dismiss that time as “not writing.”

But I send emails. And I write essays for school. And I jot down thoughts and dreams in my journal. And I read – you have to read in order to write. And I spend time on my walks and in the shower imagining dialogue and figuring out character paths and themes for my novel, all things that will help me when I do get back to writing it. And I have all the smaller projects I gave myself – this weekly blog post, my weekly poem or quote, my fanfiction.

If you’re a writer, then you’re a writer, whether or not you write every day.

6. Good writers borrow from other writers, great writers steal from them outright

I’m not sure what the distinction is here between “borrowing” and “stealing.”

Stealing is definitely a part of writing, though. I’ve written about this before – check out my old article on stealing bicycles as a writing metaphor.

7. Just write

Oh I am a BIG fan of this one. Even if you don’t know what to write, just write. So many pages of my journal open with the line “I have no idea what to write about.” Eventually, as you ramble, you start writing about what you wished you would be writing about. And then you find yourself actually writing.

8. There’s nothing new under the sun

Sure, but the art is in making something familiar feel new. I wrote about this a couple weeks ago in this Thursday Thoughts.

9. Read

Yes, yes, yes! Read to find out what’s out there. Read to learn the conventions of your genre. Read to ignite your love of the craft. Read to discover your people. Read to add tools to your toolbox (or pieces to your bicycle). Read to find agents and editors and publishing imprints. Read to learn what stories are not being told. Read to be a writer.

10. Don’t think!

Thinking is a tool. Use it wisely.

The best parts of my writing I’ve discovered not while writing, but while thinking about writing.

Just don’t think yourself out of writing altogether.

11. Write what you love

You’ll certainly be happier writing something you love than something you don’t love. You won’t love everything you write, though. It can still be good and valuable even if you don’t love it. But if you love it, or if you can remember why you loved it, you will come back and finish it.

12. Never use a long word where a short one will do

Forget the length of the word. Is it the right word?

To paraphrase Mark Twain and Josh Billings, the difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

If you do find yourself needing to choose between two words with identical definitions, and the only difference between them is their length, then think about the effect of the word on your reader. Read the sentence aloud a few times with either option. Different words have different connotations; they evoke different moods. It may in the end just come down to which word feels right for this moment.

13. Less is more

No, it definitionally is not. See my above thoughts about adverbs, repetition, and long words vs short words.

All words are tools. All words have a purpose. Is it the right word for this moment?

14. Never use the passive when you can use the active voice

Again, active voice and passive voice are tools! They have purposes!

The simplest way to differentiate between the two is that active voice is “the girl threw the ball” and passive voice is “the ball was thrown by the girl.” Both make sense. Both describe the same action. But one places the emphasis on the girl – the subject – while the other places the emphasis on the ball – the object.

Are you trying to create a sense of immediacy, to immerse the reader in the moment? Use active voice. He did this! She did that! Bam! Pow! It’s happening right now, and we know exactly who did it!

Are you trying to create distance between the reader and something in the moment? Use passive voice. He was being followed – by who, we don’t know. Passive voice adds a touch of mystery or disassociation.

15. Show don’t tell

How do you show? How do you tell? There are engaging ways to do both, and boring ways to do both. Do what the moment needs.

In prose, I recommend setting up with showing and then hitting your reader with a tell. Say your protagonist is standing alone in a room. Then, a woman enters. Show the protagonist’s reaction to that woman – their heart pounds, they tear up, they grab a chair for support…

And then, in the narration: “Her mother had been dead for five years, and yet there she stood.” Bam! A well-placed tell which contextualizes the reaction.

Plays and screenplays come down on different sides of the “show vs tell” debate. Film usually does more “showing,” while a stage play usually has more “telling.”

This comes from writers leaning into the limitations of the mediums. The first few lines of any scene in a Shakespeare play lets you know the location and time of day, because they didn’t have the scenic or lighting elements available to show it.

While a film can cut to different places and times quickly and easily, many plays are set in just one or two locations to remove the need for frequent scene changes. A play will capitalize on the characters’ reactions to and conversations about unseen offstage events, while a film will show these offstage events.

These are not hard and fast rules, of course. Plenty of films stay in one location, and plenty of plays jump around from place to place. It’s worth noting that standard formatting for plays and screenplays highlight this typical difference. In a stage play script, the dialogue (what we’re told) is left-aligned while the action (what we’re shown) is indented. In a screenplay, the action is left-aligned and the dialogue is indented.

Neither showing nor telling is superior. They are both tools. Use them wisely.

To be continued...

[ficclique]

In addition to our own personal top fics (which you can view here), we asked you all to send us your choices for your fics of the decade and why you loved them. We received so many wonderful submissions, and now want to share them with everybody! In an effort to not make this post too long we’ve edited down the comments that people left us, but everyone had some really lovely things to say, so if anything catches your eye here we really encourage you to take a look at the complete list of comments here.

Without further ado, please enjoy the top fics of the decade as chosen by you, our listeners: 

Submitted by: Cricket

Fic 1: pilgrimage by wolfsupremacist

Info: EXO RPF, Baekhyun/Sehun

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411497/chapters/43607615

Cricket’s comment: I can't get over all the building in this fic -- the world building, the character building, the relationship building. The main character’s development was like watching a child grow: it's hard to see it happening, but once you reflect on who he became versus who he was, it's so obvious how he changed.

Fic 2: the eye of providence by minhyukwithagun

Info: NCT RPF, Jaehyun/Taeyong

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14981330

Cricket’s comment: I have genuinely never laughed so hard while reading a fic.There were so many little details that the author added that were unnecessary to the overall plot but just made the characters so much more real. You get to learn so much about everyone in such a (relatively) short amount of time.

Fic 3: so collect your scars and wear them well by addandsubtract

Info: Hockey RPF, Connor McDavid/Dylan Strome

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5075128

Cricket’s comment: I feel like this fic changed me as a writer. It touches on such a relatable subject: that feeling of being completely unsure of what you should do with your life when Plan A doesn't work out, and discovering who you are without the thing that you previously thought defined you.

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Submitted by: Claire

Fic 1: The Baffled King and The Idiot Hero by Ellarose C

Info: Hetalia, ?

Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/5819880/1/

Claire’s comment: This fic launched 3 of my high school friendships that continue to this day. It's cute and Hallmark levels of unrealistic, and I LOVE it. The overwhelming nostalgia and gratefulness I feel towards this fic (and all of Carrie's work, honestly) still blows me away.

Fic 2: Embers by Vathara

Info: Avatar: The Last Airbender, gen

Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/5398503/1/

Claire’s comment: The best, wildest, most comprehensively worldbuilt ATLA fic I have ever read. Tea, dragons, realistic motivations, that ending... perfect. *chef kiss*

Fic 3: Of A Linear Circle (series) by flamethrower

Info: HP, various

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/755028

Claire’s comment: I linked the whole series because I simply cannot pick a favorite installment. OaLC focuses on fixing the glaring plot holes in the Wizarding education system, accurately depicting the Founders' Era thanks to copious research, and showing that no one is truly irredeemable (except Voldemort himself, who more than earns it).

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Submitted by: Threepwillow

Fic 1: All the Other Ghosts by rainjoys

Info: Glee, Kurt/Blaine

Link: https://rainjoyswriting.livejournal.com/146587.html

Threepwillow’s comment: All The Other Ghosts and its direct sequel, Grey, are some of the most incredibly original and simultaneously incredibly transformative works of fanfiction I have ever read. The way they masterfully twist elements of canon to fit into the lore of their AU is second only to the profound, revelatory character studies that they've executed. This shit is extraordinary.

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Submitted by: Segs

Fic 1: Hemostuck (series) by roachpatrol and urbanAnchorite

Info: Homestuck, various

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/8470

Seg’s comment: THE WORLDBUILDING. THE ARTWORK. THE NARRATIVE VOICE(S). THE INCREDIBLE GRASP ON CHARACTERIZATION. DID I MENTION THE WORLDBUILDING.

Fic 2: transistor by fishcola

Info: Polygon RPF, Brian/Pat

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18760093/chapters/44503969

Seg’s comment: Rips my heart to shreds piece-by-piece and then gently puts it back together in the end. It's another put-these-characters-in-a-darker-setting sort of thing. It is brilliant and beautiful and I love it dearly.

Fic 3: any sign of spring by bluecarrot

Info: Hamilton, Hamilton/Burr

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7523227/chapters/17100376

Seg’s comment: This fic is so dang atmospheric. It feels very physical -- the temperature, the environment, the drawing. It's bittersweet, but ends on the sweet, and I think the sweetness is all the more emphasized for it. Rereading it feels like coming back to a familiar place.

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Submitted by: Ang

Fic 1: Anarchy In The U.K. by Yahtzee

Info: X-Men First Class, Erik/Charles

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673552/chapters/1232410

Ang’s comment: the writing of this one made it so easy to get completely lost in the au while still knowing the characters so well from the source material! super engaging, totally consumed my life for a week

Fic 2: blackjacks running down by back by dangerbears

Info: 1D, Harry/Louis

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/499474

Ang’s comment: this is like my comfort blanket fic! every time i reread it (even though i'm not in that fandom anymore), it's still just as funny and cute as it was the very first time i read it - again the au is so easily believable because the characterizations are so familiar.

Fic 3: this city bleeds its aching heart by renne

Info: MCU, Steve/Bucky

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/835829

Ang’s comment: unsurprisingly, it's another au that is so easy to fall into! this is another one that i've been consistently rereading since i first read it (in 2015, for this one) because it's my absolute favorite trope with a ship that i'm still very much into!

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Submitted by: Scout

Fic 1: she called it a void by vans88

Info: Star Wars, Finn/Poe/Rey

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5493500

Scout’s comment: Short and powerful and essential to anyone's viewing of the new Star Wars trilogy. Seriously one of the most careful, tender, and graceful queer addendums to a piece of pop culture this decade.

Fic 2: The Love Song of The North American Douchebag by gyzym

Info: Star Trek RPF, Chris/Zach

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/852395

Scout’s comment: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I HOPE I CAN SWEAR. I'm not even in this fandom. The world building is just THAT good. It's one of my highlights *because* of its power to draw me in as a standalone. So much fucking talent in the transformative work community. The banter, characterization, sardonic-ness of this – international impact baby!

Fic 3: all this learning here is by you by decinq, nighimpossible

Info: Hockey RPF, Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5105441

Scout’s comment: Revolutionized – and I would argue – drove the GROWTH AND SURVIVAL of hockey fandom. One of the best known works in the fandom, and a masterclass in how to build a set of characters that you're genuinely envious you don't get to see or know. Two incredible authors and a plethora of personality. Fun and sexy and lighthearted but poignant. Chef kiss.

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Submitted by: Em

Fic 1: the subtle science and exact art of chess-boxing, by fishcola

Info: Polygon RPF, Brian/Pat

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18931885/chapters/44945971

Em’s comment: fishcola is definitely one of the top reasons i actually started reading/writing polygon rpf. this fic!!!!! i sWEAR its so /so/ good oh my GOSH. yes, full disclosure im fish's beta for chessboxing but also i am enthusiastic simply because it is a very beautiful and powerful narrative on trauma, healing, and how the people we choose to interact with affect our emotions.

Fic 2: the old men call me by my mother’s name by theviolonist

Info: HP, Hermione/Ron

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044467

Em’s comment: as a certified Trans(TM) im always pursuing and consuming trans content. the old men call me by my mother's name is an hp fic that i still cherish years after first reading it. trans!ron is a concept not often explored in hp fic, much less trans /girl/ ron. massive gender feels, folks.

Fic 3: national hot dad alliance is now calling… by dicaeopolis, owlinaminor

Info: Haikyuu! , various

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5663683/chapters/13045579

Em’s comment: national hot dad alliance really is the perfect evolution of a groupchat fic. i laughed, i cried, i fell in love with the characters all over again as these captains from different teams bond over graduating. and also being Dads(TM). in some cases-- pining over their fellow volleyball players-- plus star wars, the x-files, and memes. overall its is very good and i will stan it eternally

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Submitted by: Staci

Fic 1: No Homo, by orphan account

Info: Teen Wolf, Stiles/Derek

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148039/chapters/2326073

Staci’s comment: Literally my favorite AU ever written. The characterization is SO on point and it truly is a super fun read. It’s also a super long which helps with painting such a detailed picture of these two dummies who are-totally-just-bros-with-added-benefits. I’d recommend this to anyone, even if they’re unaware of Teen Wolf, but if you’re a Teen Wolf fan then it’s even better.

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Submitted by: Nadine

Fic 1: Too Long, Too Close (series) by callmejude

Info: MCU RPF, Chris/Sebastian

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/253528

Nadine’s comment: kink exploration and bdsm done well.... and so thoroughly. but there's more! theres FEELINGSSSSSS uhhhhhhh it made me CRY it's so good.

Fic 2: On a Clear Day by Saras_Girl

Info: HP, Harry/Draco

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879841

Nadine’s comment: I could've put a few other fics by this author because they write the best drarry but uhhhhh. I had to choose and it was either gonna be TURN or this one. Idk why but this one makes me so unbelievably emotional bc it was Harry who's Going Through Stuff and I just loved it a lot.

Fic 3: around the world in eighty thousand days, by fallfreely

Info: 1D, Liam/Harry

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856935

Nadine’s comment: It was hard to pick a 1D fave but I think that this fic always had a v special place in my heart & I can't even explain why. I love the dynamic of this pairing (even though it's not even my OTP, wtf. I'm a Gryles and Narry truther... *eye emoji*) and the whole FEEL of this fic and it's slow burn tour fic, soo.

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Submitted by: Frecklebomb

Fic 1: Shalbatana

Info: Mars Trilogy, Gen

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6629

Frecklebomb’s comment: A beautifully-written gen fic (with an incredibly gorgeous podfic by Luzula) in the near-future-scifi Mars Trilogy fandom but very easy to enjoy without canon knowledge. I revisit this story over and over and always marvel at the presence of the landscape and alien planet in it, the way it feels like a character. Bonus Mars rover feelings (I cry every time about the robot).

Fic 2: Through a Glass Darkly, by susiecarter

Info: DCU, Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19395793/chapters/46155535

Frecklebomb’s comment: Sprawling post-apocalyptic epic, so rich and cinematic that it feels like a movie I somehow read. The worldbuilding and tension of the focal ship are what sucked me into this fic, but what stayed with me was the richness of the ensemble characters. I find myself just thinking about their character arcs, and imagining what they'd be doing post-story. I want fic of this fic.

Fic 3: Too Far Down The Road, by SoniaVice

Info: Hockey, OMC/OMC

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208136/chapters/30212907

Frecklebomb’s comment: An amnesia trope origfic set in handwavey hockey fandom (author said they 'set it free' to be OMC/OMC when the dynamic needed to be different from the RPF ship it started out as). It gives me so many good feelings about family (of choice and otherwise) and ageing and self-acceptance and sexuality, and the way you can choose to be changed by the people you spend your life with.

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Submitted by: Em (Springsteen)

Fic 1: Pull Me Under, by zarah5

Info: 1D, Harry/Louis

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870766

Em’s comment: first of all zarah5 is a fandom legend. second, this is like the pinnacle of fake relationship fics to me it's 140k and so much of it is pining and like truly, who among us doesn't love harry styles with their whole heart. I can't think about the '10s without thinking about one direction and when this fic came out I remember a lot of people fully losing their minds.

Fic 2: Door to Door, by Ferritin4

Info: Hockey RPF, Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3478298

Em’s comment: this is one of the first hockey fics I ever read and I still come back to it so often. The relationship builds so well, Tyler's dogs are in it, it's just so sweet, and plus it's a very readable 10k.

Fic 3: Darling It Is No Joke, by thehoyden

Info: Teen Wolf, Stiles/Derek

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399194

Em’s comment: look I can't be retrospective about this decade and /not/ include a sterek fic. the first half of this decade for me was all 1d and teen wolf and full disclosure, it's been a while since I've reread this fic, but I remember the banter being really stellar and thehoyden is another one of those authors who I just. Adore.

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Submitted by: Dan

Fic 1: The Heart Rate of a Mouse (series) by Anna (arctic_grey)

Info: Bandom, Ryan Ross/Brendan Urie

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/712953

Dan’s comment: This fic is incredibly iconic. It’s definitely one of my favorites of all time—the way the story is told is just heart wrenching, and it manages to always keep you on edge about what’s going to happen. The portrayal of self discovery, love, jealousy, down to the settings and all the social issues of the time period (the 70s), is amazingly done.

Fic 2: The Cat’s Miaow by Pennyplainknits

Info: Bandom, Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930529

Dan’s comment: This fic is unlike anything else I’ve read. First off, I LOVE historical AUs, and the noir setting is everything I could have wanted and more. The author has managed to create such a delicate and profound romance along with an interesting plot that borders on thriller without ever going too far with either side of the story.

Fic 3: Get Real Get Right (Fuckin Right) by sophiahelix

Info: Riveyonce Cuoknowles, Sufjan Stevens/Drake

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9029020

Dan’s comment: Honestly? This is just art.

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Submitted by: Carina

Fic 1: Bite Marks by provocative_envy

Info: HP, Hermione/Draco

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3580953/chapters/7894464

Carina’s comment: i've shied away from aus in harry potter fic for years, especially american college aus but this fic in my opinion kept the best of the characters and modernized them in a way that felt true to who they are.

Fic 2: old jokes from a wild youth, by knightspur

Info: SEVENTEEN RPF, Mingyu/Minghao

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18127073

Carina’s comment: mingyu and minghao are in love, but they're not soulmates. i love the dynamics and the quiet intimacy between them, and also how they work through wanting to be together despite them not having a bond in the way soulmates have.

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Submitted by: Katy

Fic 1: The River and The Deep Green Bend by liquidmeasure

Info: 1D, Harry/Niall

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6005275

Katy’s comment: this fic honestly surpasses the genre of fic. it is a genre all its own. it is the pinnacle in catharsis and heartbreak and having a satisfying end that is completely unsatisfying as well. I will never recover from this fic.

Fic 2: Out of the Dead Land by Orphan Account

Info: MCU, Steve/Bucky

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1871955

Katy’s comment: there is a specific phrase in this fic that has and will continue to stay with me. I will never hear the phrase "up or down" without feeling immense heartbreak. an amazing blend of source material to create something altogether its own - but could still take place in either canon

Fic 3: Up We Go by Oh_Hey_Tae

Info: BTS, Taehyung/Jimin

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12297168

Katy’s comment: this fic is one that I found more recently, but I can already tell that it is one that is going to stick with me for a long long time. it is another fic that I feel transcends the genre of fic entirely

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Submitted by: Corie

Fic 1: Build A Temple In Me by Authoress

Info: Haikyuu!, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3716002

Corie’s comment: A wonderful and moving fanfic with fantasy akin to studio ghibli. If I have to recommend Haikyuu fanfiction this is it.

Fic 2: Close to the Chest by darkmagicalgirl

Info: Haikyuu!, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3898771/chapters/8721568

Corie’s comment: Another haikyuu!! Fic! I remember reccing this to my friend and she said it was more akin to a novel then any fanfiction she has read. High praise IMO

Fic 3: Fake Sugar by minverse

Info: BTS, Jungkook/Seokjin

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14707098/chapters/33987549

Corie’s comment: Oh sweet god I love minverse’s writing and this fic has it all. Romance, smut, and a nice dollop of humor.

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Submitted by: Abby

Fic 1: an awful curse by blinkiesays

Info: Teen Wolf, Stiles/Derek

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604092

Abby’s comment: Non-linear timeline, au within the story, "every me loves every you," domesticity but also heavy angst, and it's so beautifully written it makes me want to cry reading it. also it harkens back to the time of when the show was still good.

Fic 2: dance this silence down (the emergency room remix) by Fahye

Info: Les Miserables, Enjorlas/Grantaire

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994140/chapters/1966093

Abby’s comment: It's such a great, understandable ensemble fic for a dense canon, with such a great modern day au setting, but the whole time it really deals with the main character's depression and alcoholism and the complete overwhelming love that he has for the guy he's shipped with. it's so gritty and real but the ending brings so much hope I love it.

Fic 3: comment fic by anon

Info: iCarly, Sam/Spencer

Link: https://author-abz.livejournal.com/35003.html

Abby’s comment: this is an ANONYMOUS comment fic someone wrote me when I was feeling down on LJ and it's so short but so complete, and it says everything it needs to about it being okay to mess up and just be messed up together. also: "glitter emergency" (technically a cheat, it's from 2008; I forgot it was so old)

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Submitted by: Kassie

Fic 1: An Exercise in ‘Worthless’ by beastofthesky

Info: Supernatural, Dean/Castiel

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535676

Kassie’s comment: an exercise in worthless introduced me (indirectly) to my favorite musician and (directly) to the subject i almost minored in during undergrad, so honestly i would put it as a fic of the decade even if it wasn’t one of the best fics i read in the supernatural fandom.

Fic 2: Superstition (series) by Superstition_hockey

Info: Hockey, OMC/OMC

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/413233

Kassie’s comment: superstition started out as a tropey, fun, lighthearted short fic, and grew into a big thing that deals with a lot of serious topics incredibly well while also being still very funny and emotional and having honestly some of my favorite fictional characters i’ve read in years

Fic 3: United States v. Barnes

Info: MCU, Steve/Bucky

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2304905/chapters/5071058

Kassie’s comment: united states v barnes is the multimedia fic of my DREAMS. this is what i want to show people to explain why i love fanfic so much. it does so much with the medium its working in and the presentation of the fic, and fits that perfect fanfic niche of exploring the kind of background that will never appear in canon but that everyone wonders about.

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Submitted by: Kat

Fic 1: I’ve felt and I’ve Been by autotunedd

Info: Big Bang RPF, Seunghyun/Jiyong

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15349758/chapters/35616516

Kat’s comment: Possibly the fic that marked my entire decade. The characters are so human and real, the plot is heavy and winding and the twists sometimes seem life ending. It is heavy, it is painful, it is sad, it is angsty, it is maybe even a smidge too real and dangerous at times, but it makes a solid read, a long, relatable novel about real people with real fears and problems.

Fic 2: Eversion by thespectaclesofthor

Info: Detroit: Become Human, Hank Anderson/Connor

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15754140/chapters/36638253

Kat’s comment: Beautiful, long, detailed, well written, hard hitting, serious, sweet, painful, kinky, all in one! The characters have so much depth, their issues and inner workings seem so real and the plot is so carefully crafted and detailed, every chapter keeps you at the edge of your seat. All in all, beautifully crafted, passionate, hard hitting piece that I couldn't help falling in love with.

Fic 3: Eggshell Landscapes and the Burden of Love by NoContractTermination

Info: NCT RPF, Taeil/Johnny

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10446438

Kat’s comment: Short, sweet, angsty and charming! I loved the intimate look into their relationship this fic brings, the trials and tribulations and the struggle to communicate. It all seemed so raw and real and coupled with the author's beautiful writing, it all came together in a perfect read, with bounds of re-read potential.

━

Submitted by: Wen

Fic 1: the bellwether by highoctane

Info: Polygon RPF, Brian/Pat

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634426

Wen’s comment: Feelings!!! It's really refreshing to read a character who, as an established adult, is reconfiguring an understanding of himself without it being either a whole crisis or a sudden seamless lightbulb moment. It's very fair to both characters' emotions, letting them both react in a way that feels wonderfully human and real rather than idealistic.

Fic 2: Five Times the Potion Seller Refused to Sell a Potion (and One Time He Didn’t) by misura

Info: Potion Seller (Justin Kuritzkes Short Film), Knight/Potion Seller

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5441447

Wen’s comment: It's based on a 3 minute meme video and if it was just a tweet or post with the title alone it would be a great joke but... someone went and wrote the dang thing! And it could have been ridiculous crackfic, and while it certainly toes that line it's also got a really fun flow of dialogue that leaves a lot to the imagination without it getting confusing.

Fic 3: I Am The Horrible Goose That Lives In The Town by Daniel Lavery

Info: The Untitled Goose Game, gen

Link: https://www.shatnerchatner.com/p/i-am-the-horrible-goose-that-lives

Wen’s comment: the writing is tremendous and sits beautifully in that razor's edge space where english is used just strangely enough to create a fantastic character voice without going too far and falling into some kind of awkward english language uncanny valley. it's so hard to pick out the best line because every line is the best line. "Here I am coming, with the good news of me, and you hate it. You can think only of the bell and how much I have it, and you are never the goose."

━

Submitted by: Mage

Fic 1: Fog, Sheets and Thunder by theopteryx

Info: My Chemical Romance RPF, Frank/Gerard

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351396

Mage’s comment: i have literally thought about this fic at least once a week since i read it in 2012. do not ask me why. i have no answers.

Fic 2: Flowers in Bones by fringecity (indiachick)

Info: BTS, Taehyung/Yoongi

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16256390

Mage’s comment: sometimes i just wanna be a careful selection of small animal bones that yoongi gently unearths and meticulously crafts into an altar of pressed flowers and ink

Fic 3: It Happened Quiet by hobimo

Info: BTS, Taehyung/Yoongi

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15070646/chapters/34939646

Mage’s comment: haunted woods :) cryptids :) that deeply unsettling feeling that there are greater, mysterious forces at work and there's nothing you can do about it :)

━

Submitted by: BirdieLeonie

Fic 1: Reprise (series) by Elfpen

Info: Star Wars, various (Obi-Wan centric)

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/454408

BirdieLeonie’s comment: I spent about seven months of my life reading nothing but Star Wars time-travel fix-it fics. (I am not exaggerating; there are enough of them to last that long or longer.) This is my favorite.

Fic 2: Friday Night Arrives Without a Suitcase by marycontraire

Info: Hockey RPF, Danny Briere/Claude Giroux

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534247

BirdieLeonie’s comment: This is a fic I have kept coming back to again and again in the years since I first read it. It's domestic and sweet and still adult. It's like curtainfic, inverted; the leads live together and parent their kids and go grocery shopping before they have a romantic or sexual relationship.

Fic 3: The Hero’s Journey; or: What Jasper Sitwell Did Last Summer (podfic), by artzbots, blackglass, daroos, girlwithabubblegun, kalakirya, Opalsong, reena_jenkins, RsCreighton, sabinelagrande

Info: MCU & Welcome to Night Vale, Jemma Simmons/Jasper Sitwell

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6462223

BirdieLeonie’s comment: I love podfic, I love crossovers, and I love this fic. Again, I picked this because of all the thousands of MCU fics I've read, this is the one I find myself coming back to repeatedly. This crossover is creative, fun, and plays with one of my favorite tropes: what was happening to a minor character in the background of the story we saw?

[bearofohu]

The Story of Tonight  - Professor Layton LMDA Fanfiction

Rating: K+ (Mentions of birth, newborn babies, panic attacks.)

Summary: Luke and his wife Marina have been anxiously waiting for the arrival of their son for months. After a difficult night of his wife in labor, Luke is faced with his newborn son, a child of his own. Luke is overtaken by panic as he accepts his failure as a father before their life together even begins. Hershel sheds some light on what it means to become a true father to a child.

Author’s Notes: I’ve written so many edgy fanfictions, here’s a wholesome one for once! This is a one-shot and pretty vague without context so make sure you read the summary! If you read my text post before I posted this, you’ll know why I wrote this. My Evil!Luke AU fanfiction is coming out soon for all you guys who love my overbearing angst. The story is actually a lot longer than it was supposed to be. My emotions are a wreck. Also, see if you can catch the shameless Hamilton references.

NOTE: This takes place during the timeline of LMDA, however in an alternate scenario in which the relic stone mystery is never pursued and everyone lives happily ever after as a big ‘ol puzzle family. Hino and his bad writing have no power here.

Luke’s delicate heart seized and ached as the little pink and red bundle in his arms gave a meek whimper of the tiniest discontent as the nurse accelerated the heart machine, so the steady and healthy heartbeat of Marina would be more audible for her inspection. Marina’s pale violet eyes slowly opened and in spite of her exhaustion, she beamed sympathetically and passionately at her sensitive husband as he slowly succumbed to the tears, mirroring the anxious sorrows of his confused newborn son.

“Luke, lovebug,” she said dotingly, sitting up a little straighter in the bed. “It’s alright. Our little boy is okay.”

Luke lowered his head, and his shoulders heaved, overcome with a foreign anxiety, a kind of sympathy pain he had never felt before. The crying of his son was almost unbearable. It made him feel like he was failing as a new father. Already failing.

He remembered Kamilia as her body seized and convulsed with unmedicated labor. He remembered her piercing cries as he clutched her hand and worked on the baby girl that was slowly entering the world.

Luke averted his eyes from his son from just a moment to look up at the six-year-old Katrielle as she sat beside Alfendi on the couch in their room. She was watching him, her eyes shining with passion; she looked rather mystified by this whole ordeal. Young Alfendi was hunched beside her, leaning a little bit over his father’s lap, absolutely dead to the emotional scene around him in exchange for getting consumed by an intense, loud game of Pokemon Red on the Gameboy.

And Hershel sat at the very end of the hospital couch, his eyes trained on Luke, his apprentice. He looked incredibly somber, but the shining sympathy and the threatening mistiness of his eyes allowed the private notion of understanding to pass through the two of them. Hershel knew. How could he not?

Luke knew he would be lying to himself if he said he never ever thought about how life would be different if she had been his daughter.

Kamilia had told him he would make an excellent father as he held Katrielle at her shoulder. How could he make her proud, how could he be all she thought he was if his son was already sobbing in his arms mere hours after birth?

There was a heavy silence in the air as Luke silently sobbed, in spite of the fact the baby boy’s whimpers had long since ceased as their nurse awkwardly excused herself on regards that Marina was in full health. The nurse seemed to be getting pretty sick of being their nurse all day and into three o’clock in the morning, or more specifically, maybe she was getting sick of Luke’s overbearing worry.

“Luke, darling,” Flora said a little flatly, a bemused smile on her face as she rubbed Marina’s back, as the labored woman slowly began to flutter back into sleep, “you do know that newborns cry no matter what, right? You’re not doing anything wrong.” She smiled a little broader at her childhood friend. “Goodness, do you ever stop being a worrywart?”

Luke’s moistened lips parted as the tears that never stopped coming dripped down past them onto his chin, “I-I, I just-- I don’t know w-what to do. Does he w-want me? Did I m-make him cry?”

Kat spoke up a bit meekly, though the emotion in the voice was loud and clear, “Of course he wants you, Uncle Luke!” She said confidently. “He loves you, I know he does!” She turned to her father and nudged him in the shoulder rigorously. The sorrow emitting from her surrogate uncle was obviously making her upset. “Right, papa? You tell him!”

Hershel was completely silent for a few more heartbeats, watching Luke’s shoulders tremble and heave as he lowered his head to rest it lightly on the small and fragile body of his son, who was now peacefully asleep, taking the small and whispering breaths newborns usually take. Then, Luke’s mentor put his hands firmly on his knees and stood up with a bit of aging effort, and came over to his apprentice’s side very slowly. He stood with his shoulder pressed against Luke’s, and then raised a hand to put it down on his apprentice’s shoulder, the grip firm and confident, the aura of Hershel Layton’s assurance and support falling over him once again, like it had when he was a boy, a gesture that soothed his panic and told him to think a bit clearer.

“My boy,” Hershel spoke very softly, and gently, his eyes hard into Luke’s own, forcing them to make eye contact. “You are having a panic attack, and you look very pale. Come to sit with me.”

Katrielle made a huff of displeasure, obviously, this was not the assurance she was expecting. However, Luke was beginning to feel the lightness of his head, his physical health succumbing to the mental strain of his panic. He nodded very slowly, tears falling from his chin.

Flora abruptly stood up from Marina’a sleeping side and was briskly there in an instant, almost eager to get a chance to hold her surrogate nephew a second time. “You sit, Luke.” She said firmly. “I’ve got your little dork.”

Luke couldn’t stop a weak but genuine smile from entering his features. Taking one more hard, affectionate look at his son, he passed him over into the arms of Flora as gently and gingerly as possible. He found himself beginning to lean against his mentor’s shoulder as the faintness of his head got worse and worse. Sensing this, Hershel began to slowly lead him towards another small couch near the back exit of the room, supporting nearly all of his weight until he slowly settled the younger man down into a sitting position, and then sat beside him.

Everyone watched the pair as Hershel put a comforting hand on Luke’s knee after a long silence. Luke was slowly feigning nausea by putting his eyes in his hands and breathing deeply.

“Luke.” Hershel said slowly and clearly, rubbing the knee of his apprentice just a little bit, “Do you remember when you helped deliver?” He prompted quietly. Luke quickly picked up on the vagueness of the question, as to not make Katrielle uncomfortable by making it obvious they were recounting her difficult birth. She simply watched them, oblivious, but intent.

“Y-yes.” Luke rasped, shaking vigorously only one more time before his trembling began to die down.

“She cried, did she not? As you held her, did she cry?” Hershel pressed, refusing to break eye contact despite Luke’s face being held in his own hands.

“She cried,” Luke breathed, slowly removing his humiliated, tearful face from his hands.

“Luke.” Hershel said very softly, almost too quiet for everyone else to hear as he touched Luke’s chin and lifted it up with his two fingers to where they were looking each other straight on, “when babies come into the world, it is entirely foreign to them. They weep to convey things they do not understand. They do not cry because they are not happy with who is holding them. Your little son is only three hours old. My boy, look at him.”

Luke followed his mentor’s gaze. Flora stared back at him as she sat at Marina’s side, his newborn son sleeping softly in her arms.

“Your boy fell asleep in your arms, even though he cried at first. It was because he was confused. He does not understand the world around him. But your presence soothed him into sleep.”

“That’s a pretty stupid baby,” Alfendi muttered under his breath from where he sat next to his sister, obviously simply upset because his Gameboy had just lost battery. His words were not made from spite or hatred for his uncle’s newborn… his Gameboy was just dead, and he was hungry, and he didn’t want to go to school tomorrow. Katrielle elbowed him in the ribs from where she was sitting, causing him to yelp.

Luke was oblivious to exchange happening to Hershel’s two children, as was Hershel. They were simply staring deeply at each other, two souls afflicted with similar losses, one had watched the other grow up, and now he sat with the honor of watching the boy he practically raised receive his own son.

Hershel’s eyes fell downcast for just a moment as if he was deep in thought before he turned back to look Luke straight in the eye.

“I remember when Claire and I held you, in a room just like this. When you were only a few hours old. Your mother was exhausted. Your father was overwhelmed with emotions I had never seen from him.”

A stricken silence fell on the room.

“I will never forget how you cried and cried, Luke. Nonstop. You were just like your baby that is with us now. I handed you back to Claire over and over again because I was terrified I was hurting you.”

Luke began to give quiet, strained sobs as he lowered his head and pressed it against his mentor and dear friend’s chest.

“Listen to me. Do not accept failure before your journey even starts.” Hershel said firmly.

“Your son will love you and Marina as much as I did. He will dote upon you both.”

“I know he will.”

[denyinggravity]

theatre kid culture

• wishing you could show your appreciation for the lights/sound/set people more

• only living to this day because of the stage manager

• alternatively, hating the stage manager with your entire soul yet are still overcome with the need to respect them

• having at least three water bottles, at least two of which are in the theater’s lost in found

• caring about the difference between “theater” and “theatre”

• every theatre company has the one kid that gets a big part every time and you WANT to hate them but you can’t because a) you’re in awe of their talent and b) they’re actually really nice??

• you can still name the first part you’ve ever played

• the number of shows you’ve been in eventually gets too high for you to remember

• every once in a while someone will pull up a cast photo from a few years back and the new casts will scream about their fetus selves and members that have since left

• there are so many cast group chats that you’ve not only lost track, they’ve all blurrred together in your mind

• there’s that one kid that everyone wants to be friends with but no one thinks they’re cool enough to be friends with (they’re also probably the directors favorite)

• somehow the gays always group together

• there’s always that one kid who no one really likes and is not very good but somehow is always in every show

• you get a t t a c k ed daily by your friends in rehearsal

• getting the script one page at a time when you’re working with an original piece

• you have a list of dream roles and know all the lyrics and all of the lines

• if you do more musical theatre you fantasize about doing straight plays but never actually do them

• the music director always gives the note “diction”

• everyone has memories of that horrible show two years ago and no one can bring it up without tears, panic attacks, screaming, and possibly fire

• there’s always one song where no one knows the lyrics but they somehow manage to pull it together the day before the show opens

• “i can’t hear the lower harmony part”

• speaking of harmonies, the rehearsal where you learn them sounds great but the next time you try it it’s actual trash

• you always judge the person who had the libretto before you, especially if they didn’t erase anything or if (god forbid) they use highlighter

• you also feel like you get to know the person who had the libretto before you, know which part they had, how they remembered their notes, etc you just have your own version of them in your head

• you would sell your soul to go to nyc and see a show

• you’re passing/passed american history because we ALL went through a hamilton phase

• you have a personal grudge against stephen sondheim

• but you’re also in love with stephen sondheim

• you’ve already written your tony acceptance speech

• you’ve had secret theatre crushes

• you’ve bonded with cast mates about past secret theatre crushes

• you’ve witnessed at least two people coming out

• you either know EXACTLY how a show will he cast or you have no idea

• you never include yourself in mock cast lists even if you KNOW you’re gonna get the part because you don’t want to look concieted

• you have strong opinions on the tonys every year

• you’ve considered nominating your theatre teacher/director for theatre teacher of the year

• wanting to go to theatre college but knowing you’d never get in (but still hoping)

• you’ve watched every season of Glee but would never admit it

• you identify with Rachel Berry at least a little bit

• you’ve watched all of your favorite broadway stars’ late night interviews on youtube

• you get obsessed with a new musical every week

• you wish you had satalite radio so that you could listen to the broadway station

• you’ve considered becoming a dramaturge

• when you go to see a show you always look at the ensemble rather than the leads

• you pick out a favorite ensemble member

• you’ve dipped your toes into broadway fanfiction but decided it was too weird

• you get emotional when an actor announces the end of their run and when a show closes

• you would pay money to get playbills

• you’re subscribed to backstage magazine

• you never know any popular music because you’re always listening to musicals

• you want to direct but know you don’t have thr balls

• you would give ANYTHING to sit and listen to the director/music director/choreographer/others during the audition process

• getting a callback is the most satisfying feeling in the world

• trying to get one on one time with the dance captian, but so is everyone else

• your parents can always tell when you’re not feeling well because “you’re not singing along”

• when you get sick becoming the most dramatic person in the world like “i’m never going to sing again” and “my entire broadway career is over”

• missing rehearsals and desperately trying to catch up

• rather than having a stash of porn you have a stash of bootlegs

• bootlegs are your only lifeline

• waiting for the cast list is a nightmare

• “sats??? i’ve got monologues to memorize”

• your kink is re-enacting the loft scene from spring awakening

• you have a show that you desperately want to do with your company that you know they’ll never put on

• there was at least one show where you know you should’ve gotten a part that you didn’t get and you’re still salty

• there’s one part that you played that NO ONE is allowed to talk about

• there’s also one secret theatre crush that you had that NO ONE is allowed to talk about

• you and the director sometimes are besties and sometimes they hate you and there is SO much in-between

• the choreography is TOO HARD and there is only one or two people who actually know it

• tea

• having so much anxiety about missing rehearsal

• not being called to a rehearsal and not knowing what to do with the free time

• t e c h w e e k

• bad memes about tech week. so many bad memes

• “tech week? more like i’ve forgotten what a shower is”

• asking for extensions on all tests/projects/homework

• just. not talking.

• the director is in a perpetual Bad Mood

• sleep? who IS she

• someone isn’t off book yet

• so many snacks

• one person brings dairy and everyone screams

• late night conversation about mental health (no one in theatre is mentally healthy)

• and then actually doing the show after what feels like years of rehearsal and knowing that the audience loves it

• there is NO feeling like the when the audience is laughing at something you did

• or, alternitavly, crying

• getting to curtain call and feeling the adrenaline coursing through your veins

• after the last show laughing with all of your castmates and friends because you’re so tired and happy that it’s over, but also crying because it’s OVER and you’re never going to perform it again

• going to the cast party and half the people still have their hair and makeup on and everyone is crying a little

• the cast gc blows up for days after the show is over and everyone talks about cast reunions and stuff and then after about two weeks it goes radio silent

• and then auditions start again and the whole process restarts

• you know that you’d never give up being a theatre kid because the theatre is your second family and you love it more than anything

[helpingmehelpmyself]

Things I Used to Enjoy- March 29, 2021

Gosh, I have so many things going through my head. I miss the days I was able to daydream, read fanfiction, and watch television. I remember the day would go by and I would question where the time went. But it felt like self care to me then and I enjoyed it. Now it feels like a useless distraction that no longer serves its purpose. 

I want to enjoy the things I used to enjoy. I love fanfiction (particularly, Teen Wolf sterek fanfiction. I can also ship steter, starrish, and stackson. I believe they can all compliment Stiles well). I would squeel while reading and get excited every time I found a new fanfiction that fits my criteria. Sometimes I have good days in which I can read fanfiction and fall into the story.

I used to love daydreaming. My imagination is basically a fanfiction with ten or so fandoms running around with some cannon and non-cannon storylines. I liked falling asleep to my daydreams or staring at the wall while I daydreamed. I considered writing my daydreams down and turning them into a fanfiction for Ao3, but part of it feels personal. This is a world I have written and rewritten so many times since I was... 16, maybe? It’s easier to rewrite or follow through a storyline in my head than it is to write it down and focus on details that I never really focused on before. If your curious, my daydream fanfictions include the following fandoms: Teen Wolf, Scandal, Glee, Twilight, The Gentlemen, and Crazy Rich Asians. Occasionally, Beyonce’s Homecoming special and other things will make an appearance. I include most characters from these programs and create some OC’s in my head that have nothing to do with the other fandoms. Sometimes I’ll pluck someone from another place, like Carrie from Sex & The City but combine her with Isabel from Glee and mix up her storyline, or create a character with the appearance of a famous actor, like the original Mr. Fantastic actor.

I loved music. I could listen to music all day and enjoy myself. Sometimes it was the soundtrack to my imagination or I’d have some of my characters sing the songs I was listening to. I would listen to the same songs on repeat and create scenes with them and sometimes I’ll be able to add new music to the mix. If I wanted to listen to an album, I’d sit/lay down in my room and focus on nothing but the album. If there was an artist I liked and wanted to explore more of, I would go through their entire Spotify history and listen to every song at least once. I’d add it to my Liked Songs playlist because I am crap at creating playlists (minus the Boudoir playlist I made last year for my photoshoot, but that’s another story). Almost every song I have ever liked is on my Liked Songs. I think I have over a thousand songs on there, which is pretty decent. I kind of know where every song is located when it’s organized by Recently Added. Minus screamo, heavy metal, gangsta rap, underground music or electronic music, I listened to a little of everything. I loved Glee, Hamilton, Meg the Stalion, Kendrick Lamarr, the Civil Wars, early Taylor Swift, American Authors, Secondhand Serenade, G-Eazy, Mulatto, Into the Heights, Moana, Victorious, I could go on. Every song plays a part of my history and I love expanding it.

I can’t really do those things the same anymore and I wish I could. Writing fanfiction sounds like it could be a possibility for me because most of my life, I wanted to be a writer or be an editor. The fear of financial security made me switch to a business major and it didn’t make things any easier I find. I guess more approving nods from other adults about my choice in degree was a plus.

I can’t focus on my own daydreams anymore. It used to give me so much joy but it also reflected my emotions: horny, sad, in love, etc. The fact that I was able to create worlds that don’t exist to anyone but me made me happy. Sometimes when I wanted to be closer to God, I’d even deepen the relationship of some of my characters with God. 

Music doesn’t sound the same anymore. I can’t focus to the point of slipping into happiness often.

I did have a good day the day before yesterday. I decided that maybe listening to the song that always lifted my spirits in the past, whether they needed lifting or not, would help. My song is “Do You Believe in Magic” by Aly & AJ. I don’t know what it is about that song but when I first heard it on Disney Channel when I was little for the movie, Now You See It. Something about that song was and still is special. I was able to sing horribly to the song. I was watching Freaky Friday that day and remembered how much Ultimate by Lindsey Lohan rocked. I was able to listen to that song and daydream a totally new scenario for my mental fanfiction characters. There was so much happiness and positivity in the scene.

That same day, when night fell, I felt so sad I made myself sick and was gagging in the toilet. I convinced myself not to make myself throw up because I don’t want that to become a habit. I don’t want to mentally make myself sick and think that throwing up every time will fix me. I felt like shit for hours later, but I was glad that I didn’t throw up. I knew I was in a bad enough position that I needed company. 2/3 of my best friends and one of their boyfriends showed up at my place, late at night and stayed with me for hours. We’d talk about the issues that were plaguing my mind and about 2 of them moving into a new apartment together. 

I went back and forth from lying in the bathroom and lying in my bed. I don’t know why but whenever I was sick growing up, laying on the bathroom floor made me feel better. I know it is unsanitary and gross, but you get to a point that you don’t care. The bathroom has always felt safe for me. I still remember the first time I did it. My mom, brother, and I lived in an apartment about 20-30 minutes away from where we live now. I was getting ready for school one day and I guess I didn’t feel good. I laid down on the bathroom floor and that’s how my mom found me. She knew that this little 5 or 6 year old that never complained about school wasn’t faking anything. I think after that point, my mom became pretty trusting of me whenever I said I can’t go to school. Whether I was physically sick or needed a mental health day, she let it happen. I didn’t practice this often until I was junior high and high school, but it helped knowing my mom would let me take care of myself however I saw fit. I think she also didn’t want to have to keep taking off of work to pick me up from school.

The issues that brought me to tears were my boyfriend, the love of my life. I have only dated one boy before him. That was back in high school and I liked that I had a boyfriend more than I actually liked my boyfriend. We had been friends for years and were in speech and debate together. I asked him to my prom and, due to a misunderstanding, he never replied. When we realized the misunderstanding, he asked me to his prom (We went to two different schools) which was fun. It was at a country club, his parents had dinner catered to their house for us (very successful accountants) and we got some cute pictures from that night. I found myself bored with the relationship and knew ending it wouldn’t affect my quality of life within that moment. So I did. Now he is happily out as gay with his partner of 3 years and starting Harvard Law in the fall. I kind of like that fact and it made it easier to be friends with him on Facebook and Instagram again.

But back to my current boyfriend, the boy I didn’t think that I would fall for. To make our love story short (I’ll probably go into more in another post), we met on Tinder 2.5 years ago when the guy I was talking to/dating previously decided to go back to his toxic/abusive ex-girlfriend. I was talking to my soon-to-be boyfriend and another guy at the time and my boyfriend was the one that lasted. I remember that I would message every Tinder match with “Aye” because everyone wants the other person to start the conversation or else there won’t be a conversation. He responded with “I love your smile. It’s so positive” and that was my downward spiral. We’re pretty good at communication and we are a good match for each other. We both come from mostly different backgrounds, racially and socially. Sometimes there are things about me he’ll never understand, but making strong friends with people who weren’t racially the same as me kind of prepared me for that. 

Anyways, he wants to be a doctor of osteopathic medicine (still don’t know what that is) and go to med school for it a year after our undergrad. I don’t plan on starting grad school right now because I am not fully sure what I want to do with my career just yet. I’m not going to put myself in more debt or spend more time in school without a reason. Anyways, not many medical schools in our state offer the certification he’d need so he’s even looking at schools out of state. I have always wanted to go with him and support him through it while I start my career, but as that time draws closer, I find myself unsure of myself.

I need a lot of attention and am very sociable. I know when he goes to med school, he won’t be able to give me as much attention and he can’t really be faulted for that. It probably won’t get any easier once he does his residency and beyond. Despite being sociable, I have created a support network of my family and friends (we’ve been together for like 10 years). It’s to a point that I can socialize with other people with the idea that they are going to be acquaintances or somewhat distant friends. I usually know what kind of friend I want people to be before or during meeting them. But my dependency on my support network is so... strong that it kind of messed up a very big job opportunity for me a few years ago. I am afraid of having to make new connections again once we move away. Regardless if he choses a school in our state or not, we’d have to move. I don’t want him to be my only social connection, but am also afraid of making new ones. 

I made a list of all the things that scared me with possible solutions in which moving away with him was on it. I wrote that I would try to connect with coworkers (I can’t imagine and kind of don’t want to be best friends with a coworker. You never know when play ends and work begins) and neighbors. I don’t even talk to my neighbors now. I thought I could bake my famous browned butter salted chocolate chip cookies and share them with people, hoping that it would be the start of something. I’ve picked up random conversations with random people before so hopefully I can still do that (I stopped the whole “don’t talk to strangers” thing when I was like 19). 

These solutions made sense to me and I hoped that by writing it down, I could move on with my life. That wasn’t the case. I became so focused on would by current boyfriend be able to meet my needs in the future and whether I’d be strong enough to let him go if it was impossible. I found myself loving him more than I loved myself and make decisions on bettering myself for him. Covid Vaccine? For him. Finding a good job? For him. I don’t want to love someone else more than I love myself. I don’t want these decisions to be based on another person. I want to chose what is right for me for me and not someone else.  

I wasn’t this way before my boyfriend. I actually avoided being in a relationship for a few years because I didn’t think I’d enter one for the right reason. Usually, I put myself and my happiness first. When I decided I was ready to care for another person, my boyfriend wasn’t the first guy I chose. I didn’t know he’d become the love of my life. I didn’t know that we’d want the same exact thing from our relationship and have active, open communication about or wants and needs from the other person. I craved his attention, always wanted to be around him, and didn’t even stop talking about him our first year together. I am better now, but he still finds way into my conversations because he’s what makes me happy. 

I’m not upset that I love him. I wouldn’t take that back. I just wish that I was enough for myself again in which I could make decisions for me and stand by them. I want to create the life I want and I want him a part of it. But if that’s not God’s Plan, can I let go of him? In all honesty, I’d rather be miserable with him with occasional happiness than miserable without him. Maybe that’s too strong of a statement so don’t take that at full face value.

I want to be able to figure this out while we are still together, but mentally I keep thinking I have a time frame to “fix myself”. At the same time, I know I don’t because I know mental health doesn’t work that way. I have the ability to take the time I need to take care of myself again which I am grateful for. It’s like having an adult and child in my mind. The child is crying all of my fears and anxieties while the adult is trying to calm them down with reasoning. I am thankful that I am at least this aware of my mental state. I can understand when something is anxiety or depression, name it, and although I am stuck with it, I try not to fall too deep in it.  

I still have hope things will get better and I won’t always feel this way. Hope and faith is all I have some days and that’s okay. I am one day closer to being the me I want to be.

[yetanotheremptypage]

Happy Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day!

Last year, I put together this list of fic recs in honor of the day. They are all amazing, so you should definitely check them out, but in the mean time, here’s some more. I tried to tag most of the ships and/or fandoms, so if you ship any of those or are in the fandom, check out the recs below the cut. Of course, there are plenty more amazing fanfictions/writers out there, and to them, I give a huge THANK YOU! Finally, if you have any interest in any of my stories, links can be found here.

All Aboard the Dreamland Express (Swarkles, How I Met Your Mother) FF [Complete]

Farhampton, 2017. The gang convenes on the fabled front porch at long last, to regroup and address a pressing concern. Written for ficathon suggested by Beneath the Umbrella.

If the finale of HIMYM greatly upsets you, try this instead and it should solve those problems.

Between Universes (Martha Jones/Mickey Smith and Mickey Smith & Rose Tyler, Doctor Who) AO3 [Complete]

Whilst jumping universes using the Dimension Cannon, Rose meets an old friend, and one she has yet to meet, and finds out she will unknowingly give them a wonderful gift. In return, she's given something that could keep them all together even when they couldn't be further apart.

You gotta love Rose Tyler and her Dimension Cannon. In this story, it helps Martha keep fighting during the Year That Never Was, and helps Martha and Mickey find each other. It’s so well written, too.

Falser Than Vows Made In Wine (Rosaline Capulet/Benvolio Montague, Still Star Crossed) AO3 [In-progress]

In which Romeo and Juliet try to be impulsive and romantic, Rosaline and Benvolio get drunk and stupid, and what happens in Vegas... does NOT stay in Vegas.

This. Fic. Is. FANTASTIC. All of the characters are perfectly written, and the story retains the same super slow burn quality of the show, and it’s perfection. Gotta love a good Vegas Wedding AU.

Family Pond ‘Verse (Amy Pond/Rory Williams and 11/River Song, Doctor Who) AO3

This is a beautiful AU series in which Amy and Rory have another child after River, and River and the Doctor also have a kid later down the line. It is beautiful and adorable and just perfection, and features appearances from several other Who characters like Martha and Mickey.

Flood My Mornings (Jamie Fraser/Claire Fraser, Outlander) AO3 || Tumblr (@bonnie-wee-swordsman​) [In-progress]

Two years after Culloden, Jamie accidentally falls through the stones, finding himself in 1950.

Bonnie is such an amazing writer and she keeps Jamie and Claire in character so freaking well and this AU is one of those where you see canon and you’re like, “But wait didn’t-- No, no that was fanfic.”

Gretel (Swarkles and Ted Mosby & Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother) AO3 [Complete]

Robin and Ted are sitting in the bar. They actually talk. A bit.

Post-Swarkles engagement where Robin and Ted talk about their feelings and don’t shove them down.

I Got It Bad (But It Feels So Good) (Peter Parker/Michelle, Spider-Man: Homecoming) AO3 [In-Progress]

The first time she kissed him, it's a joke. Michelle knows that it's Peter under the mask. He was supposed to reveal his identity to her.

Instead, he kissed her back.

So Spideychelle consumed my life reaaal quick after seeing Homecoming and this fic is just completely amazing and I love it.

If It’s Not Too Late For Coffee (Jack Harkness & Martha Jones, Doctor Who) AO3 [Complete]

Five times Martha Jones and Jack Harkness had conversations over coffee and one time they didn't.

Martha and Jack’s friendship is just the best, and this explores that over the years. Also features Martha/Mickey.

If Only, If Only (Sanrion, Game of Thrones) FF [In-progress]

How Tyrion and Sansa's wedding night might have gone, and how their stories might have altered because of it. Show-verse.

This is the same beautiful writer who is writing Winter’s Thaw, which I talked about on my last list. This story is just as beautiful, and every time I get the email with an update, I stop what I’m doing and read it. It is so so so good and I love it.

I’ll Find You (Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, The 100) AO3 [Complete]

In every life she's granted, Clarke loves Bellamy Blake's eyes.

Every time Clarke Griffin is reincarnated, she finds Bellamy Blake. They don't always fall in love, they don't always end up together, but they find each other all the same.

I think this is such a great reincarnation fic-- they never remember each other, but no matter how shitty a situation they’re in (War, child cancer patients, and more) they always cross paths. It’s a cool exploration of the way lives can cross, and it even follows history, with an early portion existing in the days of the Roman Empire while later portions chronicle post and pre Ark life. Basically, it’s so good!

Just A Pack of Sweets (Martha Jones/Mickey Smith, Doctor Who) AO3 [Complete]

You know you wondered, and if you do the maths, it's only six weeks from the day Mickey and Martha meet to the day when Martha is said to be on her honeymoon.

Six months after that we learn that Mickey and Martha are married.

Fast work... unless it's timey wimey

I love Martha and Mickey, so this fic exploring their relationship is amazing and wonderful and awesome and I love it. Also features Rose/Tentoo

Life Is What Happens (Sybil x Tom, Downton Abbey) FF [In-progress]

A post-3x05 rewrite of Downton Abbey Series 3 and Series 4 in which Sybil lives. Previously posted on my tumblr blog as a series of drabbles re-imagining scenes in S4 with Sybil present.

Lady Sybil Lives AUs are my fav, and I love this one. Sadly *spoilers* it still kills off Matthew *end spoilers* but everything is handled so well. It’s so good.

Looks Like We Made It (Quicketh, Glee) FF [In-progress]

Future Fic. This is a sequel to "Just Let Me Try" and "We Can Do This" set 5-6 years after Quinn and Puck graduate high school. Follow them as they embark on a new phase of their lives with their family and friends.

This is so so so good. It’s the life I wish Quinn, Puck, and Beth could have had, and the other ones in the series are also perfection.

Moments (Cartson, Agent Carter) FF [Complete]

Peggy Carter, Agent, not coffee girl, not office gopher, not simply Captain America's girl, but Agent. Welcome to the new era that is my life...and Jack's as he gets taken along for the ride

Post-Season 1, including a Season 2 AU, with all of Peggy, Jack, and Daniel’s misadventures. I devoured this thing in like a night because I loved it so much, and the sequel/companion is also amazing.

Nothing Was Ordinary (Sizzy, The Mortal Instruments) AO3 [Complete]

"Isabelle was beautiful, not that Simon was biased or anything. It was a fact he knew so well, but sometimes it would just hit him; like when he was going to retrieve some fallen arrows after their fight with a Shax demon. He probably should keep cleaning what he could, making sure he wasn’t cut anywhere, wasn’t burned by ichor but he found himself just staring."

Filled with endless feels on the ending of Lady Midnight, here's a take on the scene Simon mentions in "A Long Conversation". Spoilers for the ending of Lady Midnight.

If you also flailed upon learning that Simon and Isabelle were engaged, this is the one-shot for you.

Pretty Wings (Leyton, One Tree Hill) FF [Complete]

The decision to leave is made quickly, but rationally. The goodbyes are hard, but everyone understands. When Peyton tells Lucas this is their happy ending, he just shakes his head. He tells her it's their happy beginning. Post 6x24 and future Oneshot. LP

I really wish is this is what happened with Leyton after they left. It’s beautiful and I love it.

Redemption Harbor (Leyton, One Tree Hill) FF [Complete]

One man's ferociously cruel obsession causes turmoil in Tree Hill and has our much loved characters striving for salvation, but is it too late? Faith and hope are challenged in a quest for redemption. AU LP

This is so freaking sad and angsty but so beautiful too. The sequel is also awesome.

Speak Aloud What Until Now I’ve Only Sung (Auslly, Austin and Ally) FF [Complete]

It takes eleven years of bad timing and miscommunication, plus one called off engagement, but eventually they figure it out. Austin/Ally through the years. "Austin is her best friend. Having him in her life is more important than anything else ... even if it means having her heart broken from time to time." Complete.

This slightly AU fic is just the right amount of angsty that you have to keep reading, and of course, these two idiots are perfectly in character to boot.

Stay With Me, Go Places (Swarkles, How I Met Your Mother) FF [In-progress]

"No, we really did get divorced. It just kind of turns out that we sucked at it."

If you also were destroyed by the HIMYM finale and need a new canon to accept, may I suggest this one?

To Build A Home (Frary, Reign) FF [Complete]

"The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest." -Debra Ginsberg / Nine months, nine moments, and the building of a family.

Frary baby feels that I sometimes forget aren’t canon because this story’s that good.

And now, some awesome writers:

quantum-oddity (Mostly Hamilton) AO3 || Tumblr (@my-dearesteliza)

If you love Hamliza and/or Philtheo you need to read these fics. If you love family fluff you need to read these fics. If you love smut you need to read these fics. Long story short, you need to read these fics.

gotham-ruaidh (Mostly Outlander) AO3 || Tumblr (@gotham-ruaidh​)

Gotham’s absolutely amazing Jamie and Claire fics are amazing. My personal favorite is the Modern Glasgow AU, where Jamie and Claire raise their children in modern-day Glasgow. So many Outlander characters appear in various different forms and it makes me so happy.

[countessofkrolock]

Idalia – Behold of the sun

Pairing: Lin Manuel Miranda x own character

Summary: Lin is at the casting for Hamilton in Germany and is stunned and inspired by the woman auditioning for Eliza.

Author’s Note: First ever Hamilton fanfiction for me. Just felt inspired and hope some of you like it. This is dedicated to @manuelmirandamn who sparked my interest in fanfiction writing again and made me think of this idea.

Please be aware that although I am nearly fluent, English is not my mother tongue so forgive me any mistakes and typos I might have made.

Word count: 1.460 

 Idalia – Behold of the sun

 “I saved every letter you wrote to me. From the moment I read them, I knew you were mine…” If it had been up to Lin and Lin alone, she hadn’t been in need to sing any more. He would have signed her up as Eliza the moment she hit the first note. She was just flawless. Not only her voice but also her appearance matched Eliza perfectly. Her hair was of the deepest, darkest brown and her skin had the most perfect sun kissed olive complexion. If he should have guessed, he would have said that she was from the south, maybe Italy or Greece.

However, it wasn’t only up to him whom they would cast. But he knew that she had to end up in the cast, no matter if as Eliza or in the ensemble, as long as his name was Lin-Manuel Miranda she would be cast. “Thank you.” Lin was stunned when the music stopped and Tommy thanked her. Through his musings he had missed most of her song. He leaned over to Tommy who officially was in charge of the casting here in Berlin. “Let’s hear another thing from her.” “You like her?” “Yeah, I guess.” Tommy nodded and returned his focus to the young woman in front of them. “Would you mind singing something else?” She smiled at them and handed Lac, who was at the piano another set of sheet music. Lin’s stomach was in knots as soon as he saw her smile. What a beautiful smile she had. Tommy gave him a painful nudge in the rips and whispered: “You wanted another song, so listen and not just stare into space.” Lin once again focused and listened to her. Her second song was Halo from Beyoncé which she sung like she was on fire. When she finished, he couldn’t hold back himself and jumped up, which caused his chair to crashed to the ground, and applaud her. While he got funny looks from Tommy, Lac and probably everyone else in the room, he couldn’t care less. His focus was on her. She blushed slightly and gave a little bow into Lin’s direction. When Lin finally stopped his applause Tommy thanked her again and she left the room. Lin wanted to follow her, but was pulled back by Tommy who had grabbed him by the collar of his favorite grey sweater. “What the hell was that?” Lin stared at Tommy as he didn’t understand the fuss. “I liked her performance!” “Don’t ya say! Never would have guessed that.” Lin glared at Lac who had strolled over to them. “We are here to cast a HamFam for Germany and not fangirl over the ones auditioning. At least not as long as we haven’t anyone signed up. I thought you knew that.” “I KNOW that! But didn’t you hear her? I think she might be the perfect Eliza! Her voice is flawless and she got the looks for god’s sake!” Tommy huffed but didn’t say another thing. Everyone including Lin got back to their seats for the auditions to continue.

 It was several hours later when they had heard everyone for the day, that Lin was sitting down on the floor of the room with Lac, Tommy and Ralph, the German casting director, and pictures were spread in front of them. The wanted to narrow down the choices for the Schuyler sisters, so that they could do a second set of auditions the next morning. “Okay, let’s put together this three ones and then two other sets of sisters to hear. I think we have included everyone’s favorites and I am positive that we will find out who will be Angelica, Eliza and Peggy tomorrow.” Everyone nodded to Tommy’s words and got up to leave. Lin also was satisfied. His favorite Eliza, her name was y/n as he now knew, was in the trio of the most promising actresses they had chosen for tomorrow.

 The next morning started bright and early and in Lin’s case with a trip to the coffee shop he had discovered near his hotel. He had been up well into the night writing. Y/n had inspired him. He had written fragments for at least two songs. Even if they were not completed yet and neither he knew for what he had written them, he knew the he wanted her to sing them. He was still deep in his thoughts when he entered the shop. The young woman, who was just on her way to leave the shop and focused on her phone, therefor didn’t catch his attention until they crashed into each other and her coffee spilled over both of their shirts. “Oh shit, I am sorry…” Lin was lost of words when noticed exactly who he’d crushed into. It was y/n, the woman who had caused his thoughts to drift of. “Hi there! Sorry about this.” He gestured between their two ruined shirts. “Never mind, however you will need to explain why I am auditioning in a coffee stained shirt as I won’t have time to run home for a clean one.” “Oh shit! Now I am even sorrier.” He thought for a moment. “I have an idea. Do you trust me?” She smiled at him. “Sure!” “Ok, than lets go back to my hotel room, but first: let’s grab coffee!”

 “That should work out!” Lin looked up from the sheet music he had written during the night. Y/n had returned from his bathroom in one of his clean white dress shirts. She had rolled up the sleeved to her elbows and buttoned it up to a decadent high. However he was still able to see her collarbone, which was highly distracting. “You think I can audition like this?” “Sure thing, but we should head out, otherwise we both will be late.” She nodded and began to gather her things. Lin had also changed into a clean shirt and now stuffed his sheet music into his bag before grabbing his keycard and coffee cup.

 “Is that a new song you are working on?” Lin glanced up to Lac who was looking down on him, sitting on the floor. “Yeah, the idea struck me last night. Dunno were this is leading to but I will go with the flow.” Alex nodded and strolled away. They were on a short break in between auditions. Idalia and her group had been up first in the morning. The second group with a really promising Angelica had also finished their audition. Now only no more group was up for singing their song. Although Lin desperately wanted y/n to be Eliza, he knew the one in the second group had also been very good. But he was thinking positive: even if he was going to outnumbered in the selection of Eliza, y/n would at least be part of the cast as understudy. She was simple to good for them to let her go. “Can we start again?” Lin looked up to Ralph who had once more taken his place at the table. Lin sat up and put his things back into his backpack. “Sure, let’s find the Schuyler sisters!” Lin installed himself in his chair once again.

 “I am happy to announce that we have found our Schuyler sisters.” Although Lin knew which three names would be called, he felt as nervous as the nine women looking at Tommy who was speaking. He tuned out while Angelica and Peggy were announced. He focused on y/n who seemed to be waiting patiently if her name was being called. “And now at last we are happy to announce that y/n y/ln will be our Eliza.” Although disappointed, all other girls applauded her. When finally her look fell upon Lin, he smiled proudly at her. He knew she would make it. While Tommy suggested to the other women that they might get a call for the understudy positions, Lin got up and personally complimented all Schuyler sisters on their good work. As last one he spoke to y/n. “I hope I did not just get the role because you spilled my coffee?” Lin laughed at this. “Nope, sorry. No such thing. You were just too good to not be part of this cast.” “Thank you. This has been my dream since I first listened to Hamilton. Your music is just magical.” Now it was Lin’s turn to blush. “That means a lot. Would you like to listen and maybe even sing something completely different that I have written?” “Sure thing! I’d absolutely love to.” “Meet me at the door in 5 and we will head to the piano store round the corner and maybe dinner afterwards?” Lin shyly smiled at Idalia and both gathered their things to leave. Together.

[sherlocks-east-wind]

I was tagged by @piascleavage :)))

I’m tagging: 3 book lovers @vocallife @iwriteficnottragedy @catsandcoffee7

1. Do you remember how you developed a love for reading?

I guess during our long car rides when we were kids - back then I hated road trips because they were kinda boring so my mom always got us a book to read for the journey and now I’m hooked

2. Where do you usually read?

in the car :D (when I’m not driving obviously), in bed - in very awkward positions, on my sofa, and I read A LOT when on vacation and there’s a beach bc crashing waves are the best background noise to a good story

3. Do you prefer to read one book at a time or several at once?

I usually start multiple ones until I find one I really like and then continue reading only that and revert back to the others once I’m done and start the whole process over :)

4. What is/are your favourite book(s)? 

OHHHH that list is long, here some of my recent favs: Besuch der alten Dame (duh - everyone who got to know me just a bit knows how obsessed I am with that book and musical) Wild - it doesn’t get more inspiration as this book, I guess you could call this one my absolute favorite bc THIS BOOK SPEAKS TO ME ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL, this is one of the rare ones I actually read multiple times The Martian - good shit. funny shit. scientific shit. witty shit. what more to love? Decision Points - that one biography that dragged me down biography lane :) and made me more open to different opinions as I read it during my exchange year An astronauts guide to life on earth - bc Chris Hadfield is AMAZING and if there’s someone that I will listen to when they talk about life, then it’s an astronaut who played Major Tom in SPACE - good stuff

5. Do you have a least favourite book?

THAT ONE BOOK. OH DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED. Book of Numbers by Joshua Cohen is the worst thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Completely un-readable. Such a chaos, full of offensive opinions and written by an author who hates everything and everyone on this earth and probably most himself. 

6. What is your favourite genre?

My love for biographies is HUGE but I also really like books with a life lesson in it, and sometimes a good light hearted romantic novel is key to a perfect vacation day when sitting in front of the Eiffel Tower on a fountain, eating crepe and reading while the sun sets (did I mention that I love reading while on vacation bc YESSSSS)

7. Is there a genre you won’t read?

Fantasy - YES, I love Harry Potter, but everything else is just not really appealing to me, give me real life please

8. What is the longest book you ever read?

Page wise: Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix (I think some 1050 pages?) Time wise: any book we ever had to read for class, some of them I have yet to finish

9. What book are you currently reading?

The Book of Mormon

10. What was the last book you finished?

Promises to keep - Joe Biden 

11. What was the last book you bought?

Hidden Figures - and I can’t wait to start reading it!!!!

12. Do you have a favourite book quote?

Alright, that might be the most tumblr-basic response ever but:

“Always” - Snape

THAT QUOTE DRAGGED ME THROUGH HELL OF FEELS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN AT AN AGE THAT I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS CAPABLE OF HAVING THEM

Also there are other quotes that just leave me completely stunned for a second (where I have to put the book down and drink some tea) and I usually highlight them in the book to come back to them later :)

13. Do you prefer library books or buying books?

BUYING BOOKS. Give me something where I can scribble in, highlight important stuff, drag it to the beach, on the plane, in the bathtub, … a book of mine in the end tells to stories: its own and the story of me reading it :) there are still some books with crumbs of sand in between pages

14. Where do you buy your books?

Austrian book stores, Shakespeare & Company book store in Vienna (ENGLISH BOOKSTORE FOR THE WIN), Amazon, and tiny book stores in Vienna - especially for biographies

15. How many books do you buy a month?

Sometimes 500, sometimes 0, depending on the time I have to read and how many unread books I’m still hoarding

16. How many books do you own?

Quite a number :) some fav ones double (one in Vienna and one in my home in Lower Austria), some on my phone when the original one is too heavy to carry around, …. but not enough. 

17. How do you feel about second hand books?

GIVE ME ALL OF THEM. SECOND HAND BOOKS ON THE INTERNET ARE CHEAP AND AMAZING.

18. Do you prefer E-books or physical books?

PHYSICAL BOOKS - sometimes I buy the ebook as well when I don’t want to carry around the physical one (like Alexander Hamilton, that thing is   h e a v y)

19. Do you prefer paperback or hardback?

Paperback!

20. Do you prefer to read trilogies/series or standalones?

Standalones :) if I need a bit more I google for fanfictions ;)

21. What is the weirdest thing you’ve used as a bookmark?

I will use absolutely anything for a bookmark. Heck, I even put my Hamster in between pages ones when I quickly went out of the room (no hamster was harmed in that process).

22. What is more important to you: characters or plot?

C H A R A C T E R S - if there are good characters, there is no bad plot

23. Do you ever judge a book by its cover?

sooooometimes, so I usually try not to pay too much attention to it

24. What’s the most beautiful book you own?

I have this version of Wizard of Oz, that I got from the Shakespeare and Company bookstore in Paris. The cover looks like threats woven to a picture, the pages look charmingly old and have slightly different sizes so the end is not that clean and the illustrations are to DIE FOR. Never read it though bc I’m not really a fan of the story, I just really liked to look of the book.

25. What is your favorite book to movie/tv adaptation?

The Devil wears Prada - bc Meryl Streep is a goddess Harry Potter saga - bc reasons Hamlet - the BBC version with David Tennant *heart eyes*

26. What is the best beverage to drink while reading a book?

The ultimate drink (goes along with vacation feeling and lying on the beach reading): coke with ice and a slice of lemon  others: tea, iced tea, Starbucks Coffee (I’m a basic white girl yall) and Orange Juice

27. Are you looking forward to any book release? If so, which one?

Not really :) the last one I was looking forward to was “Hidden Figures”

28. Recommend me a book :3

WILD - by Sheryl Strayed … READ IT, LOVE IT! & for a good laugh: The Martian, bc that’s a masterpiece!

[savrenim]

Hi! I love your works! What got you into writing and theater? How and where did you start? Just very curious because you are so good! Thank you!

Vaguely long answer (extremely long way too long I’m so sorry I think this is the most I’ve talked about myself on tumblr in years) under the cut because I ramble a lot about my own life and these two things have been stupidly important in my life?

Writing!

So I was a very solitary kid because ew what was being outside, that’s boring, which meant I spent every single day from about fourth grade, when I was finally allowed do this, to eighth grade, during recess and lunch, in the library reading. (Same in high school, except we had different periods and breaks and by that time I was in enough AP classes that it was usually homework I was doing.) I read so much as a kid. Then there were also the classroom libraries that were just, like, two shelves of books that you could read during class if you were done with your exercises, those I’d read every single book on the shelf since, like, second grade, although each grade new classroom new shelf so new books, but by third or fourth grade I was on my third read-through of everything on that grade’s shelf and was so bored of books that I’d read already and decided then and there that if there were no new books for me to read, I was going to write my own book to read.

I don’t think the .docs exist anymore of this really shitty story that I started in third grade that I’m pretty sure were about three triplets who were princesses and the Chosen Ones and had all sorts of magical powers but it was a world where everyone had different types of powers but theirs were more powerful because they were Special with a Capitol S…I think one could manipulate all water, one could make force fields (which, of course, she could use to fly, you can do anything with forcefields if you try hard enough) and I forget what the other one could do, probably control energy/electricity? It was somewhere between 30 and 50 pages of Times New Roman, 12 pt font, double spaced. The Princesses had to run away from someone trying to assassinate them and take over the kingdom and train and learn to use their powers and the only thing I remember is that their powers kept getting more and more ridiculous as the story went on as I got more and more creative with applications of them (like the water one made a boat out of water and they escaped in the ocean sitting in this water boat as it propelled along like that scene from The Incredibles except the boat was all water instead of Mom and Dash), it was a mess but it was a beautiful mess and now it is gone forever probably because I think my mother’s computer has crashed and been replaced a couple times since then. RIP.

I’ve never really stopped writing, like. I wrote a shit-ton of fanfiction in high school because I found a show that I really liked the world background and felt like not enough of the characters were explored so I just hit the ground running, I think there’s, like, 550k or so of fanfic I wrote on an account that I have buried at the bottom of fanfiction.net and will never reveal to anyone ever. There’s a draft of a novel from high school too, this one, like, 95k, and I still have it. I may or may not have been re-working it as a part of a 7-novel biblical apocalypse in space idea that I had for a while, but that all got put on hold when I started it feels more like a memory. Um. Since high school, I did NaNo four or five times and have vague half-drafts sitting around from a bunch of those, too? Then there’s an immense amount that Wayfinder has played into my writing, which will be covered in the theater section, but I’ve probably written somewhere around 200k for Wayfinder, and then I’ve participated at this point in 102 Wayfinder games, I’ve kept a list, and those feel like living in a novel for anywhere from two to five hours and are just…all life-changing in terms of gaining perspective. But yeah, there are a dozen half-finished drafts of this and that that I’ve got on my computer that maybe one day will become something, maybe won’t, they keep me warm on a cloudy day type deal.

I remember when I first entered college four and a half years ago I was really proud because I’d passed the landmark of having written 1 million words of fiction so far in my life. I’m probably around a million and a half now? I stopped counting. But I was obsessed at the time with the 10,000 hours rule which when applied to writing was the 1 million words rule so I officially thought I maybe Wasn’t Crap™ after that.

But, yeah, writing has always been a huge part of my life, and a mostly private part of my life? It was just something I did in my free time for me and if I ever shared it, it was fanfiction, and in high school that meant it was anonymous in that it was under a pseudonym and disconnected from me as a person in every other aspect and thus very compartmentalized. Never something I had to worry about confrontation or being judged about. As a kid I always wanted to be a novelist, like, do science and math and then publish cool science fiction on the side. I still want to do that, write and publish and original novel. Although it’s less of a life goal and more, like, if it happens it happens. I was worried for so long about getting a manuscript accepted by an agent or editor but as I’ve gotten older and older I’ve started hating capitalism more and more and would want anything I write to be available for free online, and my friend @ink-splotch has been talking to me and giving me advice about what self-publishing is like, (also go read her books) (they are the best in the world and I’ve gotten a ridiculous amount of inspiration from just aaaah the writing style and the world mechanics and the casual folklore and treatment of side characters), but, like. Yeah. Maybe I’ll publish one day. I’m considering writing a sequel to it feels more like a memory and writing it as an original novel because the main things that the sequel deals with are the consequences of “what does a Seer mean in terms of modern physics” (as in our modern type modern, maybe even a bit in our future) and, of course, our favorite cast of characters still appears but it’s not terribly important that they be the specific historical characters and there’s a lot of issues surrounding “any story about these historical characters is a story that is intrinsically exalting slave owners” that at this point, like, if I’m writing a story that’s no longer set in the historical setting, why should I stick so solidly to the names of people that at this point have evolved very much beyond their historical counterparts and will probably eventually evolve past the direct musical interpretation too, when I could just change names and then have it be my own original fiction that could either stand on its own or be read as a direct sequel, and then it’s not connected to the atrocities that Hamilton characters are connected to, and also just I really do want to try my hand at original fiction again. So that might be on the horizon.

Um, writing. Yeah. I’m really only used to doing it for me. To be honest, it’s ridiculously weird to me the following that it feels more like a memory has gotten, and kind of uncomfortable at times? I mean, I wouldn’t change anything, I’m really grateful for the massive response and how much it’s mattered to various people, it’s not mine anymore, it’s a collective experience this attitude almost definitely also comes from my experiences at Wayfinder and mostly it’s just really weird to me how big of a part of my life this has become? Like, when I look back on 2016 and 2017 and maybe 2018 decades from now, they’re going to be the years when I was first doing math and physics research and publishing papers in scientific journals and applying to grad school and working on my cool shiny space thesis but also the years that I was writing it feels more like a memory, like, literally, there are pages and pages of handwritten scenes scrawled in my personal journals right next to mathematical calculations and notes and research and grad school lists. This fic has kind of really changed my life. It’s been a huge part of what I think about on a day-to-day basis, I’ve put an immense amount of time and energy and resources into it, I’ve learned so much about a bunch of subjects that were never relevant to my life before, I’ve made friends, I’ve started talking to people, also just, like, bouncing ideas around and going back and forth about the musical Hamilton and writing plans and writing techniques and James Madison has been one of the reasons I’ve gotten really close with a person that I consider to maybe be my best friend today. Even this blog has gone from “my Wayfinder friends and maybe a few campers follow me” to “holy shit a whole bunch of people that I don’t know, like, an entire order of magnitude more than the people that I do know, follow me now,” and it was just really…unexpected. I started writing it feels more like a memory for me. It was an experiment, it was just curiosity of trying to reproduce the sense of inevitability and growing doom caused by Aaron Burr’s dual role as narrator and character, it was never supposed to become…this.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really grateful, I think it changed me for the better, and this isn’t me going “I wish everyone would unfollow me so I could go back to being a hermit,” I’m just kind of…still in shock. That it’s grown bigger than me. And that maybe if I keep doing this writing thing, life won’t go back to normal, this is the new normal.

Anyways that was probably way more deep and introspective than you asked for, let’s move on to

Theater!

My father is a tenured professor at UCLA in the math department, he got a joint math-physics PhD from Princeton, he taught me how to do algebra over the summers before I learned to read, you can see where I got my math genes from.

My mother, who is an accountant and a damn good one too so also does a shit-ton of math, was really really into musical theater before she settled down to do taxes, and did a bunch of theater and singing, like, she was a Madonna impersonator once and totally toured Japan with an Elvis impersonator giving shows, she and my father met at a singing competition that she won and I don’t think my father ever got over it, she and my dad are divorced now but the person she’s currently with and has been her ~soulmate~ for forever she met because they were in a production of Lancelot and he was playing Lancelot and she was playing Guinevere.

(It’s really funny because actually the woman that I’m in love with and that if I believed in soulmates would defs be my soulmate, it’s scary how in sync we always are it’s like we can legit read each other’s minds, literally, and we consistently call each other at exactly the same time not having planned it and finish each other’s sentences and have been on the same page about everything for as long as we’ve known each other and also literally dated the same dudes vaguely in reverse order before we went “wait what if screw guys, we were dating instead” and she maybe hopefully will become my fiancé when I’m in a stable enough position financially to ask, I also met her through theater camp after we kept being cast in roles in which we were romantically connected to one another until we went “what if we did this in real life too.” So I guess it too runs in the family.)

I was in choir from, like, first grade on all the way through high school, religious choir in 1st-8th and then “we perform cool arrangements” choir in high school. My father coached me in signing lessons so I could be in the school-wide talent show in first grade. I was a total ham, I loved the spotlight. I took piano lessons for a little while? So I can sight-read. But, like, the theater side of things, I was in every single musical I was allowed to be from 7th grade, where they first let you into the drama program, through the three years I was in high school before I technically dropped out of high school. I ran lights and soundboard for a bunch of events in college because wheeee work-study jobs, so I was in on the technical side of theater too for a bit.

The real theater thing that I’ve actually been really involved in and really active in has been a summer camp called “The Wayfinder Experience”. It’s…I call it “gay theater camp” a lot because it really is, like, the amount that it is a safe space for LGBT kids is ridiculous, I’m pretty sure there are more non-straight and non-cis people in the community than not, and Wayfinder is just…absolutely unique in what they do. I found them when I was 15, a counselor from AstroCamp that I was absolutely enamored with went “you should really come to Wayfinder, I think you’d love it,” and I did mostly because I was absolutely enamored with them, and it changed my life.

Wayfinder is technically a LARPing camp, I guess, but they’re so much more than that. What they do revolves around these “Adventure Games” that are run, but there’s a huge amount of improv workshops and community-building exercises and spending time in nature and ridiculous games like Blood Rush which the best I can describe it is “Vampire Murder Football” but everyone hangs out, gets to be silly, gets to play all these really cool different things during workshops, but then also there will be a writer for any given week of camp that has prepared a whole world with its own mythology and history and geopolitical landscape and religions and important conflicts, we range in genres from high fantasy to cyberpunk to apocalypse settings to Westerns to just…anything that anyone can imagine. And the gamewriter will, over the course of the week, lead workshops where they tell everyone about this world they wrote and cast people as characters in it and everyone will do character development workshops where they flesh out their own backstories and make connections to other characters and are led through exercises that is everything from “how does your character walk” to “what are slang words that your little friend group uses” to “what do you dream about at night”. And then for game, the Sets and Props department turns the entire campus into an area in the world that the gamewriter designed, and everyone gets a full costume designed for them from the costuming department and then just for, like, three to five hours, we all enter the world that we’ve been learning about all week and just…act. Improvise. Like, there’s “flow,” or quasi-planned events that staff members who are cast as characters that generally have some power to shake and move things (i.e. politicians, respected scientists, mad wizards, evil Lords of the Dead) will be told “okay about an hour after game starts if these things happen do this or move things in this direction,” but otherwise it is the campers who are kind of deciding the fate of the world by their actions and their choices that they make fully in character.

So yeah. It’s like living in a novel. And I’ve gotten to do it 102 times at this point, for the first summer as a camper and then pretty much immediately I got hired as a staff member. I’m every once in a while a Workshop staff, aka leading forty-to-sixty kids in theater games and improv games and run-around games outside etc etc, I’m usually costuming staff which means wheeee so much sewing and organizing from our pre-existing costuming, although I’ve done Sets and Props a fair amount of the time too. I also was involved in the founding of the Frontier Adventures, which is an off-season year round program that every other month on Saturday runs a full day event and all proceeds go to the Hero Fund where kids who can’t afford to go to camp can get to go for free and so I was doing, like, directing and hiring and renting the land and organizing the schedule and just running those events for the last two years. I retired for the 2016-2017 season to concentrate on applying to grad school.

And then, of course, I’ve done a lot of gamewriting for Wayfinder. I’ve written and run four pretty serious games that I’m stupidly proud of—The Old Land, Octagon House, Requiem, and The Wishing Well. Writing a game is like nothing else in the world. It’s kind of like writing a novel, it’s certainly as much work as writing a novel, except you get to watch your novel come to life. You have to know your world inside and out—in the world background workshops, you’re going to have fifty kids throwing questions at you that are anywhere from “how’s the gay thing going” to “so you know your werewolf world has seven different moons for the seven different tribes of werewolves, and the sixth moon has an irregular orbit, first of all I’m assuming this is a rocky planet because it holds life so it can be at most four times the size/density of Earth but then also all of these moons are large enough such that their gravity makes them spherical, what does that do to the tides? As well as are tidal forces strong enough to affect volcano patterns on this planet, like it does on Jupiter’s moon Io? Also how in the world does the sixth moon have an irregular orbit, was it created more recently than the others or tugged into the gravitational well of the planet within the last few millennia, or—“ to, you know, more answerable questions like “how does [this part of the mythology] affect [this geopolitical issue].”

But it also just—it makes storytelling such a collaborative process. You write something, you dream up a whole world and the unique incredible people who live in it and the thousands of stories that make up their lives and the bursting potential of where a story can go, and then you hand it over, you give it to a community that you know and you trust and you’ve just met, you gift each of your characters to someone new, and then you watch as their bring your world to life. Your story isn’t your story. It’s the story of everyone who has experienced everything along with you. And it’s so incredible to be on the other end of it too, to be gifted a character and given the fate of the entire universe that rests on the decisions that you and your friends make in the moment. You live and you die and you laugh and you sacrifice everything and you find bravery within yourself that you never had before, and when you come out of it, you’ve…you’ve got fifty or sixty new best friends that maybe you haven’t known them in the real world for so long but you’ve bled (not usually real blood, we’re a summer camp for kids, after all) and sweat and cried and changed the world next to them, over and over, and it forms bonds of trust and a community in the real world unlike anything else.

So, yeah. Wayfinder has been a huge part of my life and my worldview and my experiences for the last…six years now? They’re my community, they’re my best friends, it was where I turned when I was scared and hurting and didn’t know where I was or how I was ever going to get through life and it was just…everything. And it sort of still is. So yeah. Gay theater camp. It’s the best.

I learned about Hamilton through Wayfinder, actually. I was Patient 2, but, like, I learned about it one day after Patient 0 learned off of an add on Amazon.com, Patient 0 showed it to Patient 1 who the next day when I was driving him and two other staff members to the cleanup for a Frontier showed it to me and then I infected, like, 100 campers within the next two months so I feel like I really deserve the title Patient 0 but technically I’m Patient 2.

I kind of really miss doing musical theater, like, theater on a stage type deal for an audience, I’m just way too busy now with math and physics things to consider that. But, yeah, theater, it’s great, it was a huge part of my childhood and then gay theater camp was the biggest influence on me during my formative years.

Hope that answers your questions!