#gonna copy my brothers ->
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me vs my severe lack of juice 😔
#literally I have no more juice I drank it all :(((((#it was saurrrr yummy too#mother will not give me anymore#smh#L mom#i need a rambling tag#gonna copy my brothers ->#malachai stfu challenge level: impossible !!!!!! 🙅🏽♂️
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this makes me want to cry
#crunchyposts#pjo#pjotv#guys i also have been obsessed with this series for years it means so much to me that the actors are also fans of the book#it doesnt mention it here but i know leah's said that she was so excited to play annabeth to be 'the girl in her brothers books'#since she got his old copies when he left for college (?)#this means absolutely everything to me rep in media means so much to me bc of how little i understood myself as a kid since i never saw#anyone like me and pjo was the first time i saw someone whse brain was kidna like mine and so many things clicked into place after that#and as a queer girl and someone who's south east asian i rarely saw anyone like me on tv and ive still never seen any demiro char on screen#but now they actually have a non white nd character and its /my/ favorite character and its gonna mean so much to younger black girls#100#150#200#300#400#500#1k#1.5k#2k
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I’ve been warned that my 7yo niece is going to interrogate me about LotR and the Silmarillion when I see her on Christmas
#I am totes bringing my loved-to-rags copy with the gorgeous ted nasmith illustrations#she’s gonna love it#I’m incredibly excited to share something I’ve loved for so many years#no one else in my family is as invested in tolkien as I am#except for my brother and he’s been reading the hobbit with my niece#he asked me if it’s too early for her to start reading lotr 😆#hell no#start em young!#lotr#the silmarillion#tolkien#personal
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you cannot exhume a soul
— "Either he will rise up in the light of truth, or … perish in hatred, taking vengeance on himself and on everyone else for his having served that in which he does not believe" (The Brothers Karamazov, Dostoevsky tr. McDuff, p. 837)
#the brothers karamazov#ivan fyodorovich karamazov#alyosha fyodorovich karamazov#aleksey fyodorovich karamazov#first line is a lyric from god is dead? by black sabbath bc if im gonna inflict my art on yall then im also gonna inflict my music taste#sorry i keep drawing ivan sweaty and miserable it will happen again#his w/ill g/raham arc just goes too hard i cant help it#also i hate that alyosha cut his hair short and took off the cassock bc now i have to choose between textual accuracy and his objectively#cooler fit from the beginning of the book#the cassock and long hair solos sorry!!!#anonart#ivan#alyosha#also i bought a copy of c&p bc tbk is the first dostoevsky ive read so expect me to be annoying about that soon probably#also also i want to draw ivan w horns and a tail and alyosha w wings and a halo but im scared of fandomificating them.#plus idk what id draw dmitry with#anyway lmk if u want to see that bc i am incredibly susceptible to peer pressure#GODDAMN I TALK A LOT TAGS OVER SORRY
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big brother it’s your birthday
#nier#nier replicant#brother nier#that one string of mondays last year where i posted nier fanart but never drew the boy#cause of his yeeyee ass haircut#unrelated: my copy of ddr mario mix is starting to not work. it worked better on wii#but I could not figure out the rhythm and timing of the steps#so i thought it was my wii fucking up cause my sister tripped over it#so i tried gamecube and it took longer to set up but it still was off#i think my rhythm is just fucked up which is. bad. or there is an input lag in my tv#since thr rntire set up is weird the tv sucks ass#cause instead i loaded a youtube video of thr game and stepped to it that way and it felt a lot better#idk what im gonna do now that was how i exercised
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late birthday gifts
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WIP
#IM---#WHY IS HE GOING SIDE TO SIDE#BROTHER PLEASE WALK STRAIGHT#shouldve made this wwx or something#ok so i found an alternative route to get this shit in 10 minutes#whereas the other path took me a week and it still works less than this#so first take the vrm make a copy and turn the copy into a glb. just change the extension name. then import it to blender#then generate an fbx with or without textures nobody gives a shit just do it#get the animations on that and then import back the skeleton to blender#then on your static model you will want an animation track so literally go into pose mode pick a bone and then add a keyframe#then go ahead delete it. you just wanted a blank animation track#then rename the imported skellys and then push down the animations to make them actions#then add the actions to this model by going to the NLA and just. adding the actions.#thats how to get to this point. idk why hes swaying and how to fix that. im gonna go mess with that now#once this works i can fulfill my dream and i can start mocapping myself with a whip#ive been mocapped before ive never done it myself tho#ive always been a minor antagonist in every game ive been in#is there something about my face?#forgot to mention. this fixes the glb file geometry rendering export issue. now i can use glb again#which means i can put this shit on neocities#edit: I found the issue. DO NOT adjust the skeletons and absolutely do NOT EVER transform all while importing#this is my guide to myself because I will forget and then get screwed so bad#edit edit: do not import glb using the default setting on blender. use the middle setting. idk what it says but thats the one.#use the one with cones not balls
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Y'ALL
I JUST REALIZED
bc my cousin decided to fuck off and stop talking to me, all the things of hers that's still in my house now get to stay in my house
WHICH MEANS I NOW HAVE A COPY OF COOKING FOR THE RUSHED FUCK YEAH BABEYYYYYYYY
who gives a fuck about family drama when you now have a copy of the cookbook you've been looking for for 7 fuckin years
#you guys i'm SO hyped#this was my FAVOURITE cook book as a kid#all my fave meals are in it#and my mom brother dad and cousin all had a copy#but i haven't been able to find one ANYWHERE#well guess what i'm stealing my cousins now#you wanna cut me off and steal my jacket? refuse to return my house key?#fine bitch all your shit is mine now. thanks for the movies and cookbooks!!#i'm fucking HYPED for this tbh#y'all don't even know#anyways fuck my family they suck#i'm gonna make every meal in that book and enjoy the sweet defiance with every bite#personal rambles#cooking#not stargate
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well the idea of a cookbook would not leave my brain so i started making a list of all my recipes and transcribing them into one big document I can print out. turns out I woefully underestimated how many recipes I have and how long it will take me to find and type all of these out.
#from the top of my head I have like 55... that's not even looking deep at my archives#if I add the ones i've save but not made yet I easily have over 100#lord please let the hyperfocus take me all the way don't let me lose steam#I'm gonna go to dollar tree later to find a binder and dividers and shit to decorate it with! so that will be fun#also!! I was thinking if I finish on time I can make a copy and give it to my brother as part of his wedding gift!#personal
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tag someone you want to know and/or some of your besties.
I was tagged by @fourth-quartet 😊 Thank you!!
favourite colour: Gray but I'm currently in a brown phase
last song: I've got recently reacquainted with Beginner by AKB48 😄
youtube
last series: The Kidnapping Day. It was a lot more wholesome than the name suggests.
last movie: Saw X (surprisingly also a lot more wholesome than you'd expect????)
sweet/savoury/spicy: Sweet :3
currently watching:
Koisenu Futari
Chains of Heart
The Golden Girls (season 1)
Love in the Air (2nd rewatch)
other stuff I watched this year: Not listing all of it here (I've never watched so much stuff as I did in 2023), but I'll mention the ones that I enjoyed watching the most from each month so far (*not including rewatches):
JAN: Wednesday
FEB: GAP
MAR: Not Me
APR: Tick, Tick... Boom!
MAY: Utsukushii Kare
JUN: Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938
JUL: Takin' Over The Asylum
AUG: Marry My Dead Body
SEP: Utsukushii Kare: Eternal
OCT: The Sandman
shows I dropped this year/didn't finish: I barely remember the ones I watched till the very end 🤡 But ok, let me see...
Eve (dropped after one episode; Rich People and their Rich People Problems™, I think was the reason)
A few straight GMMTV shows that I didn't really catch the name (I. Well. I just. I just couldn't make myself give a fuck, ok 😔)
+ Currently deliberating whether or not I should drop Chains of Heart. All the subtitles I've found are lacking in terms of coherence, and the story itself is already not the most straightforward, so I can only hope I'm understanding what's going on at all? 😀 And I'm also not feeling the main couple from either the present nor the past (? I suspect they are the same (but I may never know))... HOWEVER, I like the acting of the main, and the Thai scenario that is not Bangkok for once. That's always refreshing. And sometimes the cinematography is pretty too... Decisions, decisions...
currently listening to: Back for More by TXT & Anitta (I went after the link for it and distractedly searched for "banger" instead of the title 😆)
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currently reading: Codename Villanelle (it's a small book but I'm. ..struggle)
current obsession: I'm not obsessing over anything at the moment 😟☹😫 Have been too busy with mundane adult life problems (therefore, as you can imagine, I'm just about going up the walls here :))
tagging: @eatprayworm @thisautistic @hyp-no-tic @visualtaehyun hi 👋
#tag game#it's one of those weeks when I feel like my old acquaintances might be sick of me already#SO I tagged some people I think might be really cool but haven't directly approached yet#you know. for maximum anxiety#I've lost many songs over the years (it's never safe to have only one copy of them; thankfully I can afford more now)#the first time I found Beginner (as a pre-teen) I just downloaded it randomly listened to it and liked it so much I decided to keep it??#oh to be young and not care about stuff like viruses or managing your time#at some point while writing this post I finished watching Ko¡senu Fut@ri#10/10 no notes#(lies. there are notes. dozens and dozens of reblogs just waiting for me to spread them all over your dashboards in the near future)#tick tick boom was quite nice... for a musical#(not a fan of musicals so to have one on my list is. wild)#already four months since the Lee brothers left me 😪#and I haven't heard a word about LDW's new drama in MONTHS. actively gnawing the bars of my cage rn#OH OH WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT#SPECIAL MENTION TO <SUMMER STRIKE> IN MAY#if my other option wasn't Utsukush¡i fricking K@re I wouldn't even hesitate. but. it was#and everyone knows I'm not normal about this one 😀🙂#if anyone wants to advocate in favor of Ch@ins of Heart. please. I'm all ears. is it worth it?#uhh. I'm not gonna disclose much but it's true I'm under a lot of stress lately. there is a lot going on right now.#I might not be able to watch new shows/be around tumblr while I (try to) sort my shit out#just a quick heads up 👍
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haha major yikes. we're supposed to have family dinner at my grandparents on sunday for father's day and my dad doesn't know if it's just my parents and us or if the whole family is invited, and the latter will be a problem bc i blocked my cousin on absolutely everything months ago with zero explanation and that will be suuuuper fucking awkward if they're gonna be there
#my cousin has copied me on literally everything our whole lives and taken it too far on several occasions#but they started faking my disability after i was diagnosed and that was the final straw#and i felt no need to have a conversation about it so i just cut ties lmaoooo#text post#and before someone asks: well how do you know they're faking#we lived together for a few years and shared a bedroom. i fucking know#and i don't know how to get out of going bc it would crush my grandpa and i really can't do that to him#i have therapy this thursday. will discuss strategy then#like what am i gonna say 'i blocked you for faking autism' in front of the whole fucking family so they can throw a tantrum#and make me the bad guy?#the only fucking solice i have is my mom and brother both went 'what the actual fuck? they're not autistic' when i told them#like there was a whole fucking lifetime of signs and struggles and issues with me even though i was undiagnosed#my cousin has had ZERO#they literally asked me about all my symptoms and then started faking ALL OF THEM afterwards#god im getting so fucking angry#it feels so disrespectful too bc they were living with me when i was having the worst fucking years of my life#both bc my autism was causing me so many problems and bc being undiagnosed made those problems worse#they watched all of the fucking hell i went through and now they're fucking faking my disability? oh my GOD
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Ah, damn.
Well at least it’s not the disk :’)
#my brother actually troubleshooted my Rayman 3 problem with me#for those who missed it: I bought a copy but our PS3s aren’t compatible so we borrowed our aunt/uncle’s PS2#(since I got a PS2 copy)#but it won’t load anything past the opening cutscene#it’s just stuck on the loading screen#my brother said the disk looks good since he actually took a look at it#I also have no idea the quality of the PS2#my aunt/uncle just had it in their basement and gave it to us#so there might be something wrong with the disk reader#I might double check the disk myself tomorrow#and if I confirm that it’s in good condition then I’m probably gonna have to message my aunt/uncle and tell them that it’s not working#(siiiiiiiiigh) this is so disappointing…
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I was out with my friends today, and I found the collector's edition of Cat Diary!! Did I really need it? No. Did I buy it anyway because last month was horrible and I needed a treat? Yes, I did!
#personal#junji ito#cat diary#I'm gonna give my old copy to my brother!#this is my all time favorite of his lol
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YALL I GOT A DVD PLAYER AT WALMART AN HOUR AGO AND STARTED CRYING WHEN I POPPED IN THE BARBIE IN RAPUNZEL DVD
#oMFG I REALLY GOT HIT HARD WITH THE NOSTALGIA JUST FROM THE GOD DAMN DVD MENU 😭😭😭😭#also picked up a few movies while I was there cuz that 10$ and under bin was calling my name omfg#but the old Barbie movies were hitting so hard on just the dvd menus alone I’m so excited!!!!#even popped in Barbie nutcracker cuz I forgot how it opened and I just ughhhhhhhh they were geniuses for putting stage curtains up#and I am so gonna be going back again soon cuz I saw they had a Scooby foo collection and TMNT COLLECTION TOO#LIKE BRUHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVED WATCHING THAT ON YTV BACK IN THE DAY#my god I am never gonna ever want to leave my room once the movie collection starts to grow#and they had some collections in that bin too I was losing my shit#it was hard choosing between taking home the Batman collection and the cluesless mean girls and she’s the man feature collection#but I’ll come back again for mean girls cuz they had a few copies in that bin#my god I am going to be such an irritating person talking to people about my dvds lmao#and it’s gonna get even worse when my second copy of happily ever after comes in cuz my old one was so fucking scratched it would skip#well more like freeze and then skip at the scene where the evil queen’s brother is trying to kill Snow White by turning her into stone#and I’m def gonna be looking up more dvd discount stores in my area to find more dvds for the things I’ve liked#maybe if I’m lucky I’ll come across a movie that’s out of print!!!!!
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First posted piece of 2024 featuring Ghazan’s older sister Haya, take 2!!
#a.k.a the og version was bothering me so I completely redrew her eyes and added more shadows to make her facial features more pronounced#gonna just copy over my og tags bc I can’t be bothered to come up with new ones#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#seeds of the red lotus#sotrl haya#god... like on one hand yes. she's an awful person. she abused her brother's kids for 16 years#left lasting mental and emotional scars on them to the point that even years after they last see her they're still recovering#even after all the bruises have healed her voice is still in their heads. fear of her still dictates so many of their actions#someone like her doesn't deserve any amount of sympathy. nor after everything she's done#but on the other... the person who did all that is haya in her 30s and 40s. here she's just 14#she just had her whole world shattered in a matter of weeks. she's left with nothing and no one but an empty house and her 5yo brother#she has no one to turn to. no shoulder to cry on. apart from losing her parents she had to quit school and stop hanging out with her friend#sh ehad to abandon any hobbies she might have had. I imagine she was quite like suiren and midori used to be. curious and intelligent#and very keen on trying new things. she had to leave all that behind to work day and night while earning only barely enough to scrape by on#just enough for them to survive. to keep the house. to be clothed and fed. there was no room for treats or luxuries of any kind#how many dresses did she cut up to use as material for ghazan's clothes? how many nights did she go hungry just so he could eat?#and she can't even cry about it. not while he's around anyway because she's supposed to be strong for him.#I imagine she often cried after putting ghazan to bed. just out of sheer helplessness. from how exhausted she was#she cried herself to sleep every night and pulled herself back together every morning#tied her hair back with her mother's kerchief and went straight to work anywhere that would hire her. working until she could barely stand#all for him. I'm not excusing her actions in any way but I understand why she was overcome with resentment after he left her#running away without as much as a goodbye. after everything she had done for him. spitting in her face would have hurt less#so when he resurfaced over a decade later to dump his bastard children on her it didn't take long for all that resentment to find an outlet#and the rest is history... fuck. thinking about her teenage and ya self always makes me cry. she was so much like suiren it's heartbreaking#well. the only reason suiren is like this now is bc of her. but yk what they say. the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself#anyway. I'm really glad I took the time to redraw this. I'm so much happier with it now. she actually looks like a young girl now#this really hits different considering that I straight up killed her in my latest au... granted she was in her 40s there. but still
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it’s okay if i’m the funniest person i know (the sound of my own laugh made me laugh harder)
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