#golly this ended up being very rant-y ​( ˙ ◡ ˙)

[im-not-here-im-dead]

hmm let's go with... Toriel? for the analysis thingy? :P

(also very tempted to ask about Berdly- and also asgore but-)

ask game

I’ll do Toriel first !

My overall opinion on the character:

Someone pleeeeease get this woman some therapy please stars I am begging you !

Okay but in all seriousness she goes through a whole heckin’ lot (and no one talks about it ???) like, she losses her kids, her husband starts a war she knows they can’t win without so much as consulting her (not to mention the possibility that the both of them could have lived through the previous war), she decides to flee to the ruins where she is almost completely isolated for who-knows-how-long, she develops a binge-drinking problem, she ends up losing six more children!!! And she does all that she possibly can (in her mind) to avoid losing a seventh. She’s even willing to sacrifice her life so Frisk can have a way to go home. I can only imagine how betrayed, how guilty, how miserable, and how hopeless she must have felt going through all that. She tries so so hard and still fails. Still makes mistakes. Still grieves the loss of eight children that she could have protected if only she was a little more watchful, or strict, or whatever. And I think that’s why she acts the way she does with Frisk. I think she’s a very complicated and tragic character (which I appreciate greatly) and I really hope that she gets a chance to heal from all the extremely traumatic things she’s gone through. And I trust that she will.

One virtue they have:

She’s just. Really freaking strong! Like in general. She’s a really determined and resilient person despite having gone through so much. It feels a bit… odd? to praise her for something that she had to be in order to survive/cope (I know I feel that way about a lot of my own attributes) but it’s something about her that I admire a lot.

One flaw they have:

She can be really strong-willed. For better or for worse. I think it was a major detriment to her during her time in the ruins, and I think it’s most evident when we try to leave the ruins. If she’d been more flexible or impartial, things might’ve gone down differently, but that’s not what happened. I don’t know how much of her rigid thinking can be attributed to personal flaw or maladaptive coping mechanisms, but either way, it’s something that she’s gonna have to work through. I dunno what else to say. This isn’t something that I’ve thought about a lot tbh.

Favorite moment from their arc:

I think in those moments between when we leave her in the ruins and when we see her again in the true pacifist route is where she truly shines the most. I could talk about this all day (if given the energy) but I think this post sums it up better than I could.

Least favorite moment from their arc:

The scene where she confronts Asgore in the true pacifist route -_-

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t exactly dislike that scene. For what it’s worth, it is funny. But that’s the problem. I think it would have been so much better if it had been a more serious and emotional scene and it could have really shown just how tragic their estrangement was. How they once loved each other more than life, and now they can hardly bear to look at each other. I also think there would have been less mischaracterization of the two in fan works with Asgore being overly clingy and Toriel being overly mean-spirited if things had been done differently. But oh well. It’s not like you can change canon anyway. That’s what fanfic is for after all ;}

One relationship they have with another character:

Her friendship with Sans makes me melt TvT

They just click so well with each other. And I think, in a way, they’re kind of what the other needs. A companion they can confide in and share a good laugh with and a reason to keep going/get better. They’re so. Great. They’re great. Their interactions are so wonderful to hear about. I think they should start a prank war. They would absolutely start a prank war.

One relationship I’d like to see explored with this character

I’d like to see more of her and Flowey! He obviously cares about her at least somewhat. Maybe she’ll eventually find out who he used to be, or maybe she never will. Either way, things will never be the same between them, but I’d really like it if they started to form a new sort of mother-son relationship. Mostly I wanna see all the twists and turns and things that their dynamic takes.

What I would have liked to see happen with them in the media

Honestly, I just wanna see her. I wanna see her being happy and being herself. I think she deserves that.

I’m gonna put the other two under the cut :]

Next up, Berdly !

My overall opinion on the character:

When I first got into deltarune, I unfortunately jumped on the bandwagon trend of hating him for no reason ☠️

But that changed soon after chapter 2 came out. I think he’s a really fun, delightfully obnoxious, and surprisingly relatable character. What more can I say? He’s like a little brother to me :>

One virtue they have:

He really cares deep down. We see it in the neutral route where he overrides Queen’s mind-control and fries his wing to save his friends. We see it in the weird route when he drops the act and puts himself on the line the moment he notices that Noelle is truly in grave danger. If we squint, we can see it in every route when he talks about and interacts with Noelle. Sure he’s extremely annoying about it a lot of the time (most of the time actually) but he really does care about her a lot. He cares.

One flaw they have:

He’s really self-centered. I don’t necessarily mean in the self-important way. I mean in the has-a-hard-time-taking-other-peoples-perspectives-into-account kind of way. He frequently talks over Noelle. His rivalry with Kris seems to be pretty one-sided. He’s at least partially aware that Queen does not want him around and still tries to kiss up to her anyway. Instead of asking people what they think, he assumes based on his own narrow frame of reference, which causes him to have a lot of very awkward and unpleasant interactions. It seems to put a lot of strain on his friendship with Noelle as well. To me he seems like what a younger Papyrus who never got proper support might have been like :( Let’s hope he’ll learn some gosh dang communication skills! But for now, I suppose we can appreciate the character development he’s gotten so far.

Favorite moment from their arc:

I think the bluebird of misfortune sequence was really. Yeah. I didn’t know what to make of it at first, but now when I look back on it, it’s such a sincere moment of vulnerability and accountability. Course, he still has a lot to learn and things to work on, but it’s a start. I’m really proud of him for opening up like that. That takes guts.

Least favorite moment from their arc:

“If I can’t base my entire identity around being smart anymore, I guess now I’ll base my entire identity around being stupid!”

Buddy. My dude. My guy. You missed the whole friggin point !!!

Well, I guess I can’t expect him to do a whole one-eighty just like that. But still. Urrg! I think it’s another one of those moments where I feel like it might have been a lot better if it was taken more seriously instead of being unnecessarily played for laughs, but it’s fine. It’s fine and it’s funny! Aaah!

One relationship they have with another character:

His friendship with Noelle is so… ;-;

They study together. They play video games together. They feel like they can be the most themselves around each other. They’re terrified of letting each other down. They’re attached at the hip. They drive each other insane. They’re inseparable. They care about each other so much and they’re always there for each other no matter what. They’re besties.

One relationship I’d like to see explored with this character:

I’d say him and Kris, but that’s too easy. I’d like to talk about him and Susie! I think they have a lot in common. They would absolutely be the kind of friends who are constantly (playfully) butting heads and roasting each other. They know it’s all in good fun, but maybe once in a while, one of them might go a bit too far and the other would lash out and they’d both feel really crappy about it, but they’ll make amends. They always do, and their friendship grows stronger for it. They also would do a bunch of ridiculous daredevil stuff together. Sometimes Kris joins if they feel like it. It’s hard to say whether Noelle or Toriel has gotten more gray hairs from these two heeheehee

What I would have liked to see happen with them in the media:

I wanna see him let loose! I wanna see him just being a kid and not feeling like he needs to put up a front all the time. I want him to be able to just relax and have a good time. I want him to take a freaking nap.

And last but not least, Asgore !

My overall opinion on the character:

I think Asgore’s story is a heart-wrenching one that is (besides the one scene) wonderfully written, and one that is sadly under-appreciated. My feelings about Asgore himself are a wee bit complicated, which makes sense as he is a complicated individual. To put it briefly, he makes me feel a lot of feelings, and I mean A Lot. He’s a guy with a big heart who went through tragedy after tragedy and a kind ruler who cares so so so much and that’s exactly what led him to do awful things that I can’t ignore even if I wanted to. He loves flowers. And gardening. And tea, and puns, and floral-patterned shirts. He’s gentle and patient and soft-spoken. He’s such a goddamn pushover. He’s worryingly prone to denial. He’s so painfully self-aware to the point of self loathing. He’s a misguided and incredibly traumatized old man who wants only the best for those he cares about and thinks only the worst of himself. He did every single bad thing that he did, and he is not a ‘bad person’. I care about him a whole dang lot. I guess cause a lot of what he goes through hits surprisingly close to home. Not everything of course, but some things. Particularly feelings of profound hopelessness and self-hatred. In my mind, if there’s hope for him, and there is, then there’s gotta be hope for me too, right? And that means a lot to me.

One virtue they have:

His tender-heartedness. He regularly visits his people. Teaching kids how to take care of flowers, dressing up as Santa for Gyftmas, giving his friends cups that look like them, things like that. He gets nicknames like ‘King Fluffyboy’ and ‘Big Fuzzy Pushover’ without any kind of animosity behind them. In a no mercy run, when faced with an entity who will most certainly end his life, he offers them tea. And in a neutral run, when spared by the person who brought him to his knees, he offers them a place in his home. Beneath all the terrible decisions he has made and the tragedies he has endured, he really is a big softie with a big heart, and that’s what I appreciate most about him. Complexities.

One flaw they have:

While Toriel is strong-willed to a fault, I think that Asgore’s fatal flaw is his passiveness which stems from his indecisiveness. When he finds himself in a difficult situation, he’s paralyzed by his doubt and apprehension. And he just. lets things happen. Even when the world is ending, he remains in standstill. To be fair, the situation he’s put himself in is a very difficult one, to put it mildly. He’s working with what he has. I highly doubt I would have done better in his place. Sure, he might have handled things better in theory, but, well… that’s not what happened. His actions as well as his inaction had and will have grievous, lasting ramifications. And he knows that.

Favorite moment from their arc:

The moment where he destroys the mercy button. It’s such a phenomenal moment. It’s the moment where you realize that it really is kill or be killed this time. One of us has to die. And he does everything that he can (in his mind) to make sure that Frisk is not the one who dies, starting with showing them that giving him mercy is not an option. It gives me chills every time.

Least favorite moment from their arc:

Well, I already covered the scene where Toriel confronts him in the true pacifist route. I’d feel bad to leave this section basically blank, but the only other scene that I can think of that I could put here is not necessarily bad story-wise, but it is my least favorite because of how upsetting it was for me to witness. I’m still not sure if I’m ready to talk about it directly. If you’ve seen/played a route where neither you nor Flowey kills Asgore, then you already know what I’m talking about.

One relationship they have with another character:

Him and Undyne! I think their sort of father-daughter relationship is criminally underrated! He practically adopted her right after she had just tried to murder him! And then they bonded through combat training and tea making! And the way she looks up to him almost as a father-figure! It just! Ngaaaahhh! It warms my very soul TvT

One relationship I’d like to see explored with this character:

Him and Chara! The two were clearly very close. And then after everything that went down… well. they’re gonna have a lot to unpack. I think it’d be really interesting to see them together post true pacifist, each thinking that the other hates them. should hate them. But in reality, they just hate themselves. And they both blame themselves for everything that happened. I wonder if they’d slowly, tentatively talk it out over time, or if they’d avoid the inevitable and bottle it all up until they can’t anymore and have a very emotionally charged discussion that comes to a mostly healthy conclusion that isn’t perfect, but it’s a start. I dunno. I would also just like to see them gardening together

What I would have liked to see happen with them in the media:

I want to see him recover. I want to see him learning to forgive himself and let go of his self-hatred. I want to see him learning to love life again and I want to see him genuinely happy and content. Mostly I want to see him with an emotional support cat. He will have an emotional support cat.

[absolutebl]

Thanks bunches for the response! It's incredibly sweet of you to take the time to do this for a random ass person online. Hope you know you are loved and appreciated! :)

Firstly, with your point on Cherry Magic and Old Fashion Cupcake, I agree! They were so close to being perfect, with everything, including all the conflicts and narrative beats being nigh on perfect in execution. They just failed to deal the deal for me.

Hence why I put them in the close enough list. Only the first 6 shows I mentioned nailed the landing for me.

Regarding your reply to my second question, do you see any way to resolve this issue regarding the post-honeymoon phase for the viewers? Is there any way it could be presented engagingly without going full WBL2/Tharntype 2? Are there any BL's that actually attempt to linger on a couple **in** a relationship and the problems they may phase in the first season itself?

As for if I grew up watching much anime, not really lol. I got into BL in my early teens and that was my first exposure to Japanese media via Yaoi/Shounen-ai manga. After a while, I had to reconcile with my new found queer identity and BL, which (back then) was not very queer affirming. [This isn't just Japanese stuff, I read a lot of Thai Y Novels with the help of Thai friends who graciously would let me in on group reads and translate for us while we translated Japanese works for them]

In general, the structure of anime doesn't tend to bother me much. I enjoyed Given a lot and had fun watching Sasaki to Miyano without too many qualms (except the singing in Given cos I hate BL and signing together).

As for Disney stuff, it's real hit or miss imo. I tend to not like it that much though so yeah. Tangled is my exception though. I love the movie. That and Beauty and the Beast.

Youa re spot on in saying that I don't like the classic structure of romance plots unless the final conflict is something that has long been established and has been creeping up at the couple. What you say about Korean stuff sounds VERY unappealing to me. It kinda sounds like WYEL territory which completely lost me with its ending. Not that I was head over heels for it anyway.

Regarding 1000 Stars, I've watched it, but found it to be kinda drab and dull fornsome parts in the middle to the point where I struggle to remember much of it. Hell I don't remember much of that show AT ALL. Only the touching scene where Mix counts the stars, vague flashes of the airport, and then a **very** hazy vision of their reunion. Nothing else. The show felt truly meh for me. Mainly due to the compete lack of chemistry to me between Earth and Mix. I sincerely just couldn't see it at all. That, and Earth's acting leaves...a lot to be desired. His "deffo-real-beard" was HILARIOUS though. The narrative itself seemed decently paced if a touch long winded from my recollection. Then again, I can't recollect for shit so I should probs rewatch. Also, PhuPha is quite literally the SOLE cause of ALL conflict in the show and I hate him for it.

Thanks for the recommendations on Moddy Arthouse stuff. I do love me some of that!

I've already watched YNEH, TCMDOC, and the Pornographer. I haven't gotten into Vitenamese stuff because My Cinderell was so clearly underfunded, it suffered hugely for it. And that is still held up as peak Vietnamese BL. I'm watching Want To See You now and my god is it extra. It is truly CAMP. The way the women are portrayed, golly.

This is to ask if Goodbye Mother is good.

As for the rest,

- L:LOTL because I cannot STAND Akira lol. His decision was close to irredeemable for me and I hate the way the denouement is done in either version. This is why I prefer His the Movie. It got to take it's time to unpack the singular issue between Shin and Nagisa and give us some form of satisfactory resolution to the conflict. Here's me on reddit ranting in an exaggerated tone about L:LOTL, where I'm left to fight in the TRENCHES for defence. (I really shouldn't have tried to be comedically exaggerative in the post lol. I got FLAMED.): https://www.reddit.com/r/boyslove/comments/vgae27/am_i_the_only_one_who_didnt_like_life_love_on_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share [WARNING: This isn't a good look for me lmao], and Here's a comment where I defend my hypocrisy for liking His but not L:LOTL if you care lmao: https://www.reddit.com/r/boyslove/comments/vlfens/my_review_about_the_japanese_movie_his_2020_share/idv9hud?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

- Not Me I felt was sorta shallow and faux deep. While I appreciated the attempts to highlight systemic failures in governance that lead to the corruption ridden systems that take hold in large parts of South and South East Asia, allowing for moguls to rule with impunity, I felt that the politics lacked nuance and self awareness in action and most importantly, it failed to show consequence, which is truly where the large majority of the injustice lies. The romance and stuff was fun I guess. Gun KILLS it this time aswell! Love him as Black. Wish we got more of that Gun instead of White Gun imo.

- Manner of Death is a show that I enjoyed watching, but never finished because I love bringing a series and this series in particular felt unbingable. I'd get through a few epsidoes, get bored and quit. Then a few months later, restart, catch up, watch one more episode, feel fatigue, and quit. Rinse and repeat. I'd love to finish it though.

- What Did You Eat Yesterday is something I've heard of a lot. I know the manga is in my to-read list. Will get to it.

- Isnt Great Men Academy body-swap? No thanks if so.

Now finally for the bromances, I'm simply not brave enough to commit to 300 million episodes of content, only to potentially deal with het fuckery AND not get ANYTHING out of it. I know some of these things are supposed to be implied and queer coded but to what extent? How explicit is it? How shrouded is it? Cause I'm sorry but I'm not watching a 30 episode buddy cop type dynamic series as a substitute for good BL.

Jesus I type too much. I need to touch grass.

[Had to send this as an ask because character limits. Dear lord.]

Do you see any way to resolve this issue regarding the post-honeymoon phase for the viewers? Is there any way it could be presented engagingly without going full WBL2/Tharntype 2?

Many experienced and brilliant romance authors have tackled this one with mixed results. The nature of romance as a genre makes it very difficult. 

I think, the conflict in the second season needs to be external and set up by the narrative and world building to work successfully. So, for example, even though I know it was a toss away because the actor refused to return, I didn't mind Color Rush 2 removing Yoo Han, because it total made sense he might be kidnapped, trapped by his family, or otherwise messed with given the sinister nature of the CR universe. I'd even be fine seeing a different actor portray him in a 3rd installment, again because plastic surgery or on-the-run visual shift works for the story, (so long as the new actor could convey the same kind of physicality as Hwall).

Another example: 

I would have had TMS2 take Korea’s homophobic culture to task with a plot that had paparazzi exposing Seo Joon as gay and then the extreme public fall out. I would have had Ji Woo totally unable to deal with the negative fame (because of his past trauma and shy retiring personality) and flee for THAT reason. This would have made both characters more sympathetic (and still pining for each other), just torn apart by circumstances beyond their control. And I would have ended it with Seo Joon tragically having to give up his career but happily shacked up with Ji Woo in increasing obscurity in a countryside restaurant and small community that has learned to accept and protect them (ah la His the movie). 

Are there any BLs that actually attempt to linger on a couple in a relationship and the problems they may phase in the first season itself?

You mean they get together like halfway through? Hum. Well Secret Crush On You, any BL where one half of the party has a super important secret or that tackles the fake relationship trope. Because of it’s style (that you specifically said you probubly wouldn’t like) any 4 act structure (or show that borrows this pacing style) so Chinese bromances and some stuff out of Korea, will do this, but still inject dumb break up conflict in the final quarter. 

Also any BL that is more soap opera-ish will do this, like Japan’s Ossan’s Love, the Takumi-kun series, Pornographer series, or China’s Irresistible Love. Thailand’s Love Sick, Make it Right, Puppy Honey (in many of these the couple is apart at the end of season 1 tho). 

I do have a statistical analysis of 2nd seasons (from before Korea started getting in on the game). 

Second Seasons I Think Are Actually Pretty Good 

In that they use external conflict to drive the couples apart rather than angst or internal conflict. 

SOTUS S is my first pick. I like the conflict in both the 2nd season and the Our Skyy special. It’s around coming out in the workplace and separation due to being at different life stages. You need to buy into KongArthit’s dynamic though. If they didn’t work for you as a couple in SOTUS, the rest of the series won’t work either. But they satisfied me by moving from a college setting to a workplace setting and I really enjoyed them a lot. 

I actually don’t like Present Perfect, but I think you might. If you haven’t seen this 2 part movie series (Thai + Japan production from a queer arthouse director) you might enjoy it. It’s a little slow, but maybe? The conflict is internal but believably based on personality, so a little like TMS2. 

[kth1]

why do you like taegi the most?

i’ve had this ask sitting in my inbox for a hot minute because i wanted to be able to respond when i had the time to lay out a novel. maybe... i don’t know how long this will be but here we go bubs. thank you for asking in advance! 

for starters... kim taehyung. 

my ultimate. the man that choses me no matter what i did. i admire him, aspire to be more like him, and adore him to all extremes. from his younger years and to present years, this guy really sticks out with personality for me. (yes he’s attractive but like, it’s really the personality that makes me coo).  i could actually feel a vibe/energy toward taehyung in which in some sort of mystical au where i could meet him, i feel like i’d connect with him very well (you can disagree, idc). this is just my perception. yes, he’s a lump of an enigma and that’s exactly what i like about him. you never fully know what you’re getting with tae besides the fact that you know you don’t know what you’re going to get! the element of him being spontaneous and can reach all ends of the spectrum from animation really appeals to me. deep down, i feel like he is a very sensitive soul, things bother him quiet often but he masks. and with that mask he makes a great conversationalist because i believe he knows how to be appropriate with pushing back biased thoughts to be able to hear out others - however i feel like he runs into people who don’t understand or are willing to hear him out in return. sure he has trouble expressing things from time to time, but i think it’s because of the emotions and thoughts that course through him are nondefinitive. you have to know and learn tae to get and understand tae. (not disregarding any of the others when i speak this, btw) he is honestly, truly amazing in my eyes and that’s probably one of the main reasons why i feel toward him the most. he can be soft, cuddly, and kind. he as an earth sign supports the stereotypes of down to earth, wise, and also ambitious. also, tae can pull out some ruthless, playful, tactics out of left field because that’s just how he is - and we love all sides of him (or what he wants to show us). his constant creativeness is enjoyable, how many times does tae want to go against the standard? nearly all the time! and he pulls it off! because i feel like tae doesn’t fully care to be the same, he wants to be himself. and that’s so utterly sexy of him you have no idea. (again, you can disagree with me) but sometimes i personally feel like i can be very similar to tae in many ways, with thoughts, feelings, and creative drives. i feel we both attempt to put on our fronts, try to remain humble and respectful. understand we are just humans and we are the same. and also can be quick to call out the suspicious acts so bluntly because our bullshit meter is always running. not to mention, both he and i enjoying being dramatically extra for no apparent reason sometimes. this is how i conclude the fermented idea in my mind that maybe, just maybe, i would make a great friend with tae if i ever had a chance. 

mr. min yoongi.

this many radiates comfort and i feel like he’s super trustworthy. yoongi is the type of person i feel like i could spill all my beans in front of, not matter how heated, sad, or excited i may be, and he’d openly accept it all. his level of patience is something i strive to have. the way he’s so witty and sharp tongued, smart, and ready to stir the pot from time to time to challenge against you is something i find remarkable and again - enjoyable. in the nicest of ways, yoongi can easily tell you how it is... and if you push the wrong buttons he can probably easily tell you how it be with more tone and harsher words. however, yoongi is straight-forward majority of the time, something i am like as well. he is a pisces with virgo moon so i feel real bad with the inner battles his brain probably constantly undergoes, all those hidden thoughts he doesn’t want to reveal to most. i feel that yoongi has such a massive intuition, a general 6th sense about him. in many occasions, i also see myself with similar personality as yoongi. those ‘tsundere’ vibes, introverted, keeps to ourselves, and randomly once we’re comfortable we ‘act out’ and surprise everyone, but they think it’s funny/cute, etc. yoongi (here i go with my delulu au’s where maggie is y/n) would be the type of person i look up to and always want to talk to - to tell him about what’s bothering me. even if i feel like im boring or annoying, i feel like i’d be able to open up to him fast because i just have that confidence and belief to him. in most cases, he acts in a calmly manner. whereas, once i loose my cool i come out very heated an aggressive because i cannot hold back as much as he can - another thing i wish i was more like. the natural, effortless and relaxed aspect of yoongi, is also very very attractive (all yoongi bias’ are going to agree to this one) but there is no lie when i speak this. he doesn’t showboat, he doesn’t parade around saying he’s the best and have a large ass ego. he is just yoongi who is doin’ himself. we like this shit. you do you booboo! 

taegi as a whole:

yes, completely super in love with the friendship of taegi. yes, mainly because these two take all my food from my table and bid me goodnight. however, i love all the friendships between members!!! but because im a taegi fanatic because of the likeness i have to bother individuals, i will comment on their bond bc i love it. golly, where do i start? hm, for beginners... let’s just remember how taegi would typically have the most conflicting ideas, resulting in the most funny scenarios whenever they sometimes were paired up in games or something. (like holding hands because they disagree??? cute) how yoongi - to this day - tends to have a hard time changing tae’s mind / saying no to tae because tae is a wee bit stubborn and want to do / try things out. when tae always wants to be yoongi’s hype man, enjoy yoongi’s rap, verses, highest key is trying to take over all of yoongi’s parts in each rapping song because skrrt skrrt! together, taegi is very touching to me. tae admires and looks up to yoongi in so many ways, and yoongi shows such a concern in undertones towards tae is endearing. like, you can’t tell me this friendship ain’t cute. i would politely throat chop you and call you a fool. yes i’m hella biased, i know this, however i don’t care what you say against me because it is what i like to see and crave a bond like these two beans! taegi; two fun-filled people who are honest, deep, and most importantly... they are true. (not saying anyone is ‘fake’, please shake that thought from your head!!!) im saying like, true in the sense of real people. an archaic expression of being true to oneself, yourself, others, etc. they are true to most of everything (in my mind). both of these two are very commendable and you can learn a lot through them! 

this concludes my maggie rants for now. please come by another time after i recharge! i know i haven’t touched every single thing about each category, i know i have more to say but just don’t know how to say it or can’t bring all the thoughts to the table for now. thank you to the anon who prompted this question. and also thanks to whoever ends up reading this response! again, i love all the members in their own special ways! i don’t intend to disregard others but this ask caters to my personal loves. <3

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 14 part b

Alright time for more reactions to Homesqaured- oh jeezus

the last one of these I did was from october last year, hoo boy alright brain time to get back on the time train things are happening fast

we last left off with me thinking they just fucking hilled Harry but I remembered the wrong house so Harrys fine, John not so much

Yeah, John sad but ooh Karkat shows up!

They seem to have a mutual conversation about lost youth and stuff, really makes these characters feel oold

“JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat.

JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed.

JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.“

Oh man, John thats a whole ass MOOD

lol at sburb allocated blow job

yeah Karkats right tho, John does kind of need a kick in the pants to see how he might have been useful here, but Johns still stuck in this rut of not seeing anything around him as Real real, so hes blind to all of the consequences of inaction

John its called derealization and depersonalization, you can get help for that yknow

But I mean, cant really blame him, hes being smothered by the fires of Doom all around him

Its interesting to see that Karkat, a Blood player, is more comfortable navigating through things that constrain them and tie them down, since constraint is something Blood and Doom have in common, Chains and Barriers and Laws and etc

Whereas John the Breath player, just gets bogged down, hes totally out of his element

so it ends up being like John: “Id like to cling to some funny moments of my youth pls and try to lighten the situation up a bit because I cant do anything when so heavy”

versus Karkat being like: “BUCKLE UP FUCK TITS THIS SHIT IS YOUR LIFE NOW GETS USED TO WADING KNEE DEEP IN THE SHIT LIKE THE REST OF US GROWN ASS ADULTS”

John: ):

Hmm, both Vriskas have been captured, but Annie basically rescued herself, knowing Vriska Prime she probably has a plan or an idea about that, see well see how that goes

“KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN.

KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE.

KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Oh. Well I guess that was Dirk’s “plans” for Jane all along. Obviously he was using Jane as a vehicle to gather “players” for his eventually next session, interesting

But who has Jane kidnapped in total thus far?

Does Tavros count? he was certainly trapped with her for some amount of his life, but I dont know if that counts as a kidnapping, John certainly tried to kidnap HIM though from the epilogues

Annie certainly counts as being kidnapped

Vrissy has JUST been captured so that counts, and Harry so far is still fine

Which bodes so well for Harry’s future Im sure

Yeah, Vriska should have been able to not outwit any capture attempts, but my guess is either Vrissy got capture and Vriska dove in, OR, Vriska’s doing an inside job so to speak and got caught on purpose, dragging Vrissy along as well

I guess we’ll see when we see their “prison”

Anyway John, don’t get so down on yourself, you’re just ignorant to everythiong around you! thats why nothing makes sense and you can’t connect to anything, easy fix! Just try to learn more and care more about stuff lol

Man does this feel like a strong metaphor between people who are into/care about politics and people who feel like they can’t get into it though

Crossing that hurdle from one side to the other is rough

“KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.”

yup

man, this is all feeling startlingly relevant to the current times, I should have read this sooner

“ KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. “

hah, oh wow, Karkat when you phrase it like that, it’s almost as if you’ve become self aware of your tendencies to Moirail people out of their problems

Not really that out of character for a Blood player to end up being the Therapy Friend though lol

Just don’t burn yourself out on that though

JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*!

KARKAT: ABOUT ME?

JOHN: yes.

KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*?

JOHN: about you.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME.

JOHN: well...

JOHN: you know, how you feel!

KARKAT: HOW I FEEL.

I know Karkat has probably matured past misunderstandings like this now given he’s really come into a great understanding of his Blood aspect, but by golly do I wish Karkat would misunderstand this as John’s attempts to be Moirail-reciprocal sdkjfhwlijebr

What a perfect way to continue their relationship, on top of more misconstrued romance quadrants XD

Spades is old Hat, Diamonds are in now babey

Oh

this started out funny, but Karkat’s emotional rant just ended up being depressing not funny ):

I have to say though, it is REALLY interesting to see John’s depression manifesting in a very breathy sort of way

Karkat in these panels was more closer together, connected, but as John gets more and more depressed over the course of Karkat’s rant when he realizes Karkat doesn’t know dave died, the panels get seperated by lines of blue, and slowly drift off away from John and from eachother

but thats basically been hows its been manifesting all along

the more John feels Disconnected and Seperate from the reality he finds himself in, the more he finds his will untethered, the more depressed and unable to act he gets

and right now its so much so that even a fuller fledged Blood player is having trouble grounding him back down

I don’t know, I always viewed the depression metaphor as a dark watery void to sink into and feels heavy and encapsulating (but probably thats just my Light-y interpretation of it)

so its interesting to see the depression metaphor as this floating disconnection instead, so much that it leans towards derelaization/depersonalistion/dissociation as well

I wonder if John will start dealing with bouts of actual full blown dissociation as this gets worse?

I mean, Breath aspect has given the literal ability to ghost around wherever he pleases in all other ways, why not literally and physcologically as well?

So John seems to be fully overembracing his aspect here, to a very unhealthy degree here, which I see you asking “aha Dahni, but hes doesn’t have overblown self esteem here, quite the opposite, is this not an inverted state instead? or something else because hes acting like hes inverting to Breath?”

and I say not so! reader, for overembracing is the idea that through your aspect, your will is overwriting the wills of others, and in someone like Vriska, this manifests in a very selfish and over self esteemed way

but is not John’s will overwriting Karkat’s here? Through Breath? And isnt John also being a little selfish here? Considering how he feels about things, more important than how anyone else feels? How Karkat feels?

John is too dissociated to understand that this reality is Real and has Consequences he needs to care about, and Karkat is trying to fight against that, trying to instill his belief that no, this shit is real and it Matters Why Don’t You Care, trying to ground him, trying to give him that dose of Blood he needs

but John’s overembracing Breath is just, blowing that all away, its becoming too strong

Roxy in the epilogues dealt with this as well, when John was really in the shits with it and started to believe Roxy’s whole personality was somehow fake and his own construction, because he convinced himself Roxy would never choose to do the things she did, but Roxy was able to snap him out of it and make him understand and respect it was her own choices that led down his path, not the idea that John’s choices are somehow overriding everyones

But man, John sure is riding that Breath train way too hard, and he keeps snapping back into it as well

Further and Further

[honeymoonjin]

day 13

I have come to realize the weight of your warning all those weeks ago in regards to the contestants remaining at the villa and how it might very well be a double edged sword rather than a blessing. You can see that slowly coming to fruition throughout this chapter. And as much as I want to tackle that potential mess of a final scene (because golly do I have feelings about that bit!) I want to talk about our lady first. 

It feels as though you are determined to write her into becoming my favorite character in this entire story. I’m sure by now, it’s rather apparent how much I love how you portray her with such complexity so instead I would like to take the opportunity to talk about how some aspects of her personality is drawn out in different scenarios that she is presented with in this chapter. For example, given the scene in the kitchen, she was the voice of rationality and the most empathetic of the three characters present. The scene stood out to me because this is the second time that Jungkook had snapped at her without provocation and it seems that she is determined to keep a cool and level head despite the fact that it is so clearly hurting her. It’s an interesting choice. I wondered as I kept reading the chapter if you had chosen for the scene to not escalate beyond that because it’s not in either Taehyung or our lady’s nature or if you had decided that there would be no need for it to escalate because Jin was going to defuse Jungkook in the next scene anyway. I don’t think I recall our lady being confrontational in any scene prior so perhaps it wouldn’t have happened either way. Still, I don’t know why but it just seems as though the words that Jungkook said should have elicited more of a reaction. Hmm, there’s a chance I’m simply projecting… haha! 😅 This is not to say the scene was not good; quite the contrary. I’m just trying to work through my feelings for the scene by breaking it down. 

Which brings me to Jin and Jungkook trying to break down their feelings in an impromptu counseling session. Jin gets such a wonderful chance to shine in this scene. I really love his vulnerability and candidness. It feels reminiscent of Yoongi confiding in Jin or Namjoon confessing his feelings for our lady to Jimin; each of those scenes offered the members a chance to get in tune with what they were going through internally but also offers a glimpse into their stance with the other members of the house. I was surprised when it’s revealed that Jungkook may have become attached to more than one person in the house; I can’t help but wonder if all the hard work Jin had put in to calm Jungkook down would go up into smoke if he were privy to the pact that the threesome had agreed to at the end there. 

When I said that that final scene could be so potentially messy I mean in the sense that when the other occupants of the villa were to find out (because, let’s be real, we all know that “keeping a secret’’ is just a smoking gun waiting to go bang) things are bound to get ugly. And all this is with characters who are 1) very aware of the potential consequences of their actions and 2) the nature of the show going into this scenario. And yet against better judgment they do the most human thing and give in to their desires. It’s heartbreaking thinking about the train-wreck this could lead to. I’m worried, scared, anxious, and any other synonym you can think of for “feelings of trepidation” for the days to come. (And, yes, I said “days” as in, there is no way that these 3 are gonna be able to carry this on for more than a ½ week at best! The proverbial shit will hit the fan before the week is out; I’m calling it now! There’s too much tension built up, especially after the elimination round!)

That being said, I had a wicked fun time reading this chapter! 🤩 I know I made some hard stances this time around (something I typically don’t like doing because if I’m wrong, my reviews don’t age as well) but maybe I’m in the mood to play devil’s advocate. Because as much fun as it is to theorize, nothing is more gratifying than when I don’t see something coming. Your ability to surprise me has always been one of your strongest attributes and I hope I will be proven wrong. Not for sake of shock value but for the chance to see the story being pushed to places I could never imagine myself. I have not been disappointed yet, and I don’t expect to be anytime soon, if your track record is anything to go by. Thank you once again for your continued hard work. Your confessionals this week might be some of my favorite to date (Yoongi’s rant session, Jin’s “non-existent” items on the grocery list poor Sejin, Lady Mango’s new tricks, Jin’s full denim ensemble for Y/N, members’ sleeping habits). The quality of this series continues to blow me away and I am just grateful to be a part of it (aka off to vote!). Thanks for weaving your magic. 💜 Jan

---

ooh i was supe curious to see how everyone took this chapter, so you don’t have to worry about taking hard stances. i was absolutely expecting it ! 

we’re starting to, after almost two weeks, enter the stage where people’s flaws, poor judgement or clouded emotions are beginning to seriously impact their time on the show, and so i know for sure not everyone will be happy with the character’s choices, or the way things pan out.

that being said, i can’t help but enjoy writing some of this angst or the setups, because even i don’t exactly know where they’ll end up. fan favourite and elimination change a lot, and so it’s exciting turning on a ticking time bomb with yet no concept of how long it has til 0:00. 

it’s really cool to hear your interpretation of yn !! i think to a huge degree her non-confrontational efforts come from her being very aware that they’re all stuck together, and the guilt that she’s already going to have to systematically vote them out (jk certainly gave her quite the reminder). will that last? who knows. but for now, she’s doing her best to make room for the fluctuating emotions of the others. It’s also very very funny that you note about wondering what would happen if things escalate bc of a future chapter i have planned but shhh you didn’t hear that from me

that jinkook scene is perhaps more important than it initially appears, but we’ll see why in future chapters ;)

once again thank you for writing such a thoughtful review!! and extra thank you, because i saw the confessional ask you reblogged w those tags you absolute sweetheart ;;-; i hope you’re keeping safe and healthy, and i’ll look forward to posting a new chapter either on saturday or tuesday (most likely tuesday)

[amarauder]

the burdens of reality - sodapop curtis x reader

PAIRING; Sodapop Curtis x Reader

DATE; May 23rd, 2019

WORD COUNT; 4831

WARNING; angst, lots of triggers, mentions of anxiety attacks, heartbreak, death, lack of self-confidence-but this is only in the first part. Also, bad words.

A/N; You know those Authors Notes that talk about how this is a horrible one shot and they apologize but then you read it and you're like 'what the hell were they talking about earlier? i'd kill to write this good?' I'm sure you've all stumbled upon at least one of them-even if you don't know it. I hate to break it to you though, this is not one of them. This One Shot is actually shitty, like laughable shitty. I originally actually had a plot for this one shot but i don't even know what the hell happened. Also, Sodapop's personality is so screwed up and nothing like him.

I would rewrite it but if I look at this damned thing one more time I might punch myself. So, I hope you don't judge my writing on this one one shot because i promise i am usually better at this and i want you to actually enjoy reading my works.

TRAILER; in which the love of a boy's life returns to their hometown.

-

College was always busy, the corridors always bustling with students either rushing to get to class or dip before the bell rang. The occasional teacher would sometimes be thrown into the mix, the most commonly seen teacher was Professor Hatwell.  He was Y/N's Psychology Professor as well as advisor. By far, the man was Y/N's favorite professor there, he always seemed to know what to say or what to do whenever she would talk to him about whatever was stressing her out.

Most people thought it was weird to have such a close connection with a teacher, but Y/N didn't worry about it too much. It wasn't like they were the ones discussing different topics with the Professor.

However, the one thing Y/N didn't like about Hatwell was his tardiness. The man never seemed to be on time ever. He didn't seem to care much about how late he was either. But it drove Y/N crazy sometimes, crazy enough that she had ranted about it to her friends.

"I don't understand why you are having a cow about it, Y/N. I would kill for my other professors to be late every class. Majority of mine get there an hour early! Who has time for that?" Tammy said as they rounded the corner. The girl had always been lazy in her academics, but she was usually understanding about most topics Y/N would bring up to complain about. She didn't understand why Tammy would always clam up or shut the conversation down whenever she brought up her Psychology's teacher's name.

"I'm not having a cow about it! I'm just annoyed! I had to wait an entire half hour outside his office yesterday!"

"What were you doing there?"

"I needed to talk to him."

"About what?"

"Why are you being so nosy?"

The girl sighed before stopping in her steps so abruptly Y/N would have kept walking if she hadn't been apprehensive about her next sentence. Tammy quickly looked over both of her shoulders before pulling Y/N closer to the stone walls of the building, "Look," she said, looking at Y/N so seriously it almost worried her, "You know I'm not one to listen to gossip-"

She already knew where this was going, Y/N wasn't deaf either, she heard the whispers about her relationship with the professor, "Tammy-"

"No, you need to listen. I'm not one to listen or give a shit about what anyone says but rumors can get deadly. Take it from me, my reputation was ruined by some insecure prick who got rejected one too many times. But this, this could end up a lot worse than some snotty comments and snide. Professor Hatwell could lose his job and you could get expelled. So, tell me honestly, are you screwing him?"

"Tammy, come on."

"Answer me."

"No, I would never. I just like to make good relationships with my teachers."

"I know," Tammy sighed and looked guilty for a second, "But we aren't in Kindergarten anymore, we can't go around hugging and hanging out with our teachers like we used too. It raises suspicion." Y/N looked away from Tammy for a while, letting all of the new information sink in. It was hard to hear that Tammy didn't trust her, she was her best friend afterall. But, the more rational side of Y/N, also knew it was just because she was concerned for her well-being. "I just... Be careful, okay? I don't know what I'd do if you left me in this hell hole."

Y/N cracked a smile at her friend's antics, before rolling her eyes, "You're paying a lot of money for this hell hole."

"I know. that's why it's called school, not jail."

Snorting at her last comment, Y/N pushed away from the wall and continued onto her way to class. They both had Psychology together, one of the only classes they shared. Thanks to Y/N's whining and begging Tammy to take a class that didn't have anything to do with Politics.

"You know, I think when I become President of the United States, the first thing I'll do is eliminate schools."

"Is this all part of your plan to take over the world?" Y/N asked as they walked through the door. The whole time after the talk, she had grown nervous. She couldn't pinpoint why exactly, but she had a feeling that Tammy really put things in perspective for her. If people's gossiping out of hand, she could get sent home and Y/N never wanted to go back to Tusla ever again.

She needed to nip this in the bud as soon as possible.

She needed a boyfriend.

"Hey," Tammy whispered bringing Y/N back to the present, "Look at the front."

Following her friend's orders, she looked down to see a collection of Professors conversing with each other, with Hatwell in the middle. "I can't believe he's early. Something must have gone very wrong."

She started to get even more worried. She wasn't worried about Tammy's last comment or the coversation they had earlier, or the reasoning behind Hatwell's earliness. What she was worried about was the fact that they kept looking back at her, repeatedly. Almost like they were discussing about her.

-

The first thing Y/N noticed was the buzzing of the air conditioning. Her face felt white hot even though she knew she must be as pale as a ghost. She was shaking like a leaf, judging by her facial expression, she knew exactly what Tammy was going to say next

"They were talking about you."

The noise got louder. Her ears picked up some voices that didn't belong to Tammy's.

"Actually, they were discussing more about your brother than you."

The buzzing got louder, along with the voices. She could hear them clearly now, along with a faint screaming coming from a young girl.

"They want to send you home."

Y/N felt dizzy, so dizzy that she had to grip her arms on her chair to keep the world from spinning.

"They said that there had been an accident."

There was an iron taste in her mouth, and from the stinging pain coming from her bottom lip, she realized that she had bit some of the skin off.

"A bomb went off where your brother was stationed at. He had gotten out alright, thanks to a friend who saved him. But he had passed away later on at the hospital."

The buzzing was unbearable now, along with the shouting voices. The screaming had deafened slightly, but that was only because the voices seemed to have over-powered it. She wondered who it was coming from, they certainly didn't have anything to scream about-not like Y/N did. Her mouth was dry and her tongue felt like sandpaper, a stark contrast to her bleeding lip.

"They are having a funeral service next weekend, but your Mother wants you back early. Golly, Y/N, I'm so sorry. "

The world suddenly came back into focus, like strobe lights  blinking brightly, blinding her momentarily. The buzzing and the voices diminished within seconds. Her dizziness went along with it. But the pain from her lips and dryness of her mouth didn't. They seemed to never go away-not after what happened in Tulsa all those years ago.

Although, the screaming had gotten worse, she had to cover her ears in an attempt to save her hearing. But that didn't help at all, she had a feeling that even the earplugs her Mother used to wear to block out her Father's snores.

She realized soon later, who had been screaming. It had been herself.

-

Liveliness was a curious thing. It seemed to have developed a habit of disappearing when she most desired it, but reappearing when Y/N didn't notice it.

It was funny how she seemed to only treasure things once they were gone.

Her room looked the exact same when she had left. Her pictures hadn't moved, dust had even collected onto them. There was the same red thread on the comforter that only got bigger and bigger every time she picked at it. Her robe still hung at the hook on her wall, along with her slippers sitting next to the bed.

The only difference was the feel of her room, it wasn't the same as it felt previously. The room had lost the homey feeling and instead had been replaced by an eerily stillness.

She sighed and sat up in her bed, she had arrived late last night. It had been a hard night, the second she walked into the house she was reminded of why she had left. Her Mother was sitting on the counter, a glass of whiskey in her hand, as she cried her eyes out. Her Father stood next to her staring into space, he had a tick in his jaw that hadn't been there the last time she saw him.

That day she left for college was also the day they had taken Gary away for war.

Blinking her thoughts away, she looked down at the thread in her hands and played with it some more. She tried to ignore the way her hands were shaking so much that she couldn't even tie a knot, but after a few tries she let out a sound that was in between a whimper and a sigh of annoyance. She dropped the string and instead gripped and pulled on her hair as she tried to get her emotions in check.

She took in the shakiest breath she had ever taken before taking her hands out of her hand and instead put them into fists and pressed them against her closed eyes. Her lip trembled as she felt the aching in her heart return, worse than ever. The following day after finding out the news, she had been in denial. It was hard not to expect for things to not be the same as they always were when she got home.

She could still see her brother wrapping her inside a warm hug the moment she walked through the door. She had been just a child then, the ripe age of sixteen. She would expect a small scolding from him before asking how Sodapop was. Then, he would make them both hot chocolate or lemonade if it was a warm night and they would talk until there was nothing left to say.

He had been her very best friend and she missed him more than ever. A gasp escaped her lips as she tried to catch her breath after trying to hold in sobs, "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay," she whispered to herself in a hoarse voice, "You're okay, you're okay, you're okay. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry."

The words had become a mantra over time, she used to whisper them to Sodapop when he would come over in tears and gasping for air. She had realized pretty quickly that her best friend suffered from anxiety attacks and it broke her heart, more so than when they had broken apart.

"Y/N!" She heard her Mother call from down the hall, "Breakfast is ready, darling!"

She nodded her head, before clearing her throat and yelling back once she realized that she couldn't see her nod. She took in a deep breath and stretched, she needed to ignore her thoughts and if getting herself distracted required rollerskating around town while juggling three balls then so be it.

Thoughts were deathly in times like this.

Hopping off her bed, she put her robe over her nightdress and started to take out her curlers. Once they were all out, she took a quick look in the mirror to run her fingers through the tight curls to turn them into soft waves.

She walked down the hall, sprinting past her brother's old room. She was thankful that her Mother had shut the door. Just as she finished bounding down the stairs with one foot-it had become a tradition of her brother's to do that on his first night back from College. Now that he was gone, she took the liberty to do it for him-the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Y/N hollered. She swung open the door wondering who on Earth would be at her house this early in the morning.

There, standing in the doorway, was the last person she wanted and expected to see. Sodapop leaned against the wall of the doorway, swinging her Father's keys in one finger. He hadn't seen her yet, and Y/N took that time to school her features into a normal expression.

His face was ashen as he stared at her, the look in his eyes almost made her whimper. His lips were parted slightly and she heard him take in a sharp intake of breath. His eyes took in her appearance greedily, she took the time to do the same. She hadn't realized how much she had missed him.

Though, when he looked up and she saw his facial expression, she almost wished she had kept her own. Maybe then he wouldn't be looking at her like she was dog shit, though she was dog shit. After what she had done to him, the girl had sometimes believed she was dog shit.

He cleared his throat and looked away. She must have been staring. Blushing and copying his actions, she waited for him to speak up, "Umm, I need to speak to Mr. L/N."

Y/N scoffed, her mind was screaming at her to bring out of the stubborn part of her and demand to know why he was talking to her this way, but her heart, her poor, poor heart. It hadn't been made for this kind of pain all in one day. It just wanted to either run from the pain or ease it. She didn't want to know what it had in mind to help ease the pain.

"Sure, I'll go grab him." Y/N turned around quickly and took in a deep breath, she needed to calm herself down. She could already feel the tears starting to gather, the aching and throbbing of her heart was starting to get unbearable, "You can come in, the drawing room is open. You still remember where it is?"

She saw Soda nod out of the corner of her eye. Quickly walking into the kitchen and slamming the door behind her, she took in a deep breath while sliding down it.

She didn't know how long she had sat there for, but by the time her sobs had finally condensed into sniffles she saw her Father walk into the room. She opened her mouth to tell him to go address Soda in the other room, but she missed her chance when she saw the devil himself walk in the room.

"Are you alright, darling?" her Father asked, then turned to Sodapop who was staring at her with such a such an obvious confusion, she almost wished he could try to hide it. "She took her brother's death pretty hard. They used to be best friends you know."

"He is," she whispered to him, "He still is my best friend. He will always be my best friend." Her Father walked right past her, not even bothering to discuss the words she had finally relieved to the world. Sodapop, ever the gentleman, had instead offered a hand to help her get up. Her eyes furrowed as she stared at the hand, wondering what was the catch behind his change of attitude. Her limp hand took his own as she lifted her up. She quickly brushed her tears away and muttered a weak thanks, she almost wanted to kick herself for thinking about Sodapop's supposed 'double sided actions', the man had always been too kind for his own good.

"Now, Mr.Curtis, would you like a beer or a" her Father hesitated for a second and Y/N almost blurted out the well known joke, "it seems like we only have beer or water."

"A water is fine, sir. Thank you."

"Daddy," Y/N called and tightened her robe around herself. "Theresa has already made breakfast and Mother is expecting me, may i excuse myself?"

"Yes, yes, just a moment." He said and handed Sodapop a water before side-hugging the man, "I would like you to meet Sodapop Curtis. He was the hero who saved Gary."

Y/N wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Of course it had to be him. He couldn't have let anyone else save her brother. Golly, she even would have preferred one of the men her Mother tried to set her up with. Smiling polietly at her Father she said, "We went to school together, Daddy. It's nice to see you again, Mr.Curtis. How do you do?"

Placing her hands behind her back, she dug her nails into the palm of her hand. It was the only thing keeping her grounded. "Good, thank you for asking. Nice weather we are having aren't we?"

Staring at him silently, she narrowed her eyes before looking away. When they had been good friends, she remembered running into Soda plenty at the Gas Station and dealing with rude girls. But one thing that had always stood out to her was him mentioning how he had developed a habit of asking people about the weather when he hated them.

Ignoring the sickening feeling in her stomach, she gave him a small smile that she was sure looked more like a grimace and left the room.

The voices wouldn't leave her head even after she had left the room. She felt like a mindless robot, she hadn't realized she had entered the dining room until she felt an arm snake around her waist. Looking down, she was surprised to see Timothy grinning up at her. She gave him the smallest smile, feeling only her cheeks rise she forced herself to bring the corners of her lips up. Her Mother's stare dug into her side profile but she didn't care much. Her mind was occupied with other worries than her Mother's desperate attempt to get her married as early as possible and stop the independence she was learning-thanks to college.

"What do you think you are wearing?" She heard her Mother's voice, but it sounded distant as if she was listening to a record but she was in a separate room. It wasn't until she felt a tug on her nightdress did she look to her Mother, "Why don't you go make yourself decent?"

Pursing her lips, she left the room with quick but short steps. She was exhausted, leaning on her last bit of ferocity to keep her going. Feeling trapped was never fun, especially with her least favorite people on Earth keeping her inside the cage they called a home.

"Y/N!" She turned around to see Sodapop walking towards her.

Scoffing quietly and wiping her disgusted expression from her face she turned towards him, "If you're here to lecture me, I don't want to hear it."

"I just wanted to say that I hope you know I didn't save him because of you, I saved him because he was a good man."

"Thanks for that, Curtis. Everything is so much clearer now."

He made a face at her comment, one that she knew only meant he wasn't finished yet. "Listen, Soda, I will be forever thankful you saved my brother. But why tell me that?" Pausing for a second she waited to hear any words from him. But when none came, she continued, "It's just, it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than me."

"The whole world doesn't revolve around you."

"I'm not stupid. I'm just wondering why you are acting so defensive."

A flash of hurt washed through his features and Y/N wished she could take that comment back. They both knew he had every right to act however he wanted and deserved no harsh words from her. If anything, she was jealous of his self control. If she had been in his position, she would have refused contact with him, no matter the consequences. But Soda had never been like her, something she admired about him greatly.

"I'm just wondering why you are acting like nothing happened. Why you are acting like you never cheated on me? Are you really that ashamed by your actions?"

She choose not to answer and instead put her attention into the man poking his head out the front door, "Hey, Pepsi Cola! We gotta hit the gravel before-Oh. Well, nevermind the devil has already arrived."

"Nice to see you again too, Steve." She said before turning back to the man beside her. She wasn't in the mood to receive any crap Steve would give her. "I just thought you would be a little more understanding after you received my letter. But no matter, I don't blame you for behaving this way. Lord knows how I would act." Watching the boys stare at her blankly, she choose to make her leave. It was already too awkward inside her home, she didn't need them to make it worse. "Well, goodbye boys. I hope you have a good life."

"Wait! Y/N!"

"Yes?"

"What letter?" Sodapop asked, his hand reached out to touch her own before retracting after realizing what he had been doing.

She stared at him for a few seconds as if wondering his sanity. She knew she sent the letter out to him, she had taken plenty of time drafting out the letter an planning how she could mail it out without her parents witnessing it. Except she hadn't been successful, she knew her Mother had seen her. But Y/N had thought that her Mother hadn't even known she was near the mailbox. The woman had been driving into the driveway right when the envelope slid through the slit.

But what if she had saw?

What if she knew and somehow got the letter before he could receive it?

"Oh my god," she whispered to herself, feeling dizzier and dizzier as her thoughts raced through her head. She reached out for a chair to sit in but missed and instead fell into someone's arms instead. Her Father stood above her, holding her armpits with disdain.

"I will be right back," he said directing it to Soda and Steve, "Take care of her until I come back."

They nodded and gently set her down in a chair a few feet away form where her Father had been holding her. Steve had been a little more rough, but she had expected that. "Y/N," she looked to Sodapop, "What letter?"

"If you didn't recieve it, you never will read it. I'm sorry."

"Yes, he will." She looked over his shoulder to see her Father walking towards them and holding a yellow box.

Her breath hitched as nerves shot through her. She found herself wildly shaking her head, "Father, no. Please, no. If you have any respect for me, any at all, please, please return the box to it's rightful place."

He handed it to Soda without a word or a glance her way. She felt dizzy and overwhelmed and so so out of control. Y/N wondered why now, of all times she had finally lost it. She could name more memories she had of watching her life be ruined in front of her eyes, thanks to her parents but she had kept her mouth shut.

Sodapop hesitated before opening it, looking at her pleading and begging form. She had begun to walk towards him with tears streaming down her face before she stopped herself. He had already opened the box and knew it was no use to snatch it out of his hands now.

She walked towards him and peeked over his shoulder with her hands wrapped around her waist as silent sobs escaped her lips.

The first thing she saw was a picture of her and Sodapop dancing together. It had been taken by Steve, Sodapop had grabbed her in the middle of the DX and started to dance with her. Customers had been in the store, walking around and shopping but he didn't care and had instead twired her around the store.

She remembered writing a poem on the back of the picture, and reached out to grab it. She flipped the picture around and saw that it was still there.

There's a boy with sun-soaked eyes and the smell of gasoline around his collar. his laugh shakes you like running barefoot through a pine forest. you trade kisses for dreams before you realize it. he fades, like the dreams of yesterday and you realize you were recklessly in.

sunshine looks good on him, golden sun and bronze freckles, arrogant but strangely alive, like half healed scars, reminders of the stars that you love so much.

a broken mess of human bones and you feel home, you feel safe because you know that feeling all too well. he speaks to you in poetry, all soul aching until you curl up into your bed and shut the world out, ignore his calls.

a red-stained mouth that tastes of cherries and wine, shocked gasps from frozen fingertips on your warm skin, he's dangerous and his smile is razor-sharp, peaked white teeth glimmering in the mid-summer sun.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She turned to Sodapop who had tears streaming down his face, he had always been one to show his emotions. Something she both loved and hated, hated only because she had developed a habit of crying whenever he did.

She took her lower lip between her teeth and fought her tears, she couldn't cry again. Not now, she hadn't even realized she had stopped crying. Taking in a deep breath she remembered all that she had written in the letter. She had written about how she loved him with all her heart and how much it hurt her to hurt him this way. About how she didn't have a choice. They were evil, her parents were evil. They were either going to send her off with some boy or push it back and let her go off to college and follow her dreams-as long as she made her non existent love that she held for Timothy look real. She told how that she thought it would be less painful for him, but she was selfish and had to tell him the truth. She couldn't bare the thought of him looking at her the way he looked at her now but she also needed the freedom.

She didn't have a choice, she never got a choice.

"I did, I tried. But, I never get to make a decision in this house and-"

"It doesn't matter," he whispered, she hadn't realized how close he was until now. His eyes gazed at her the way they used too and suddenly she was on cloud nine again. Far, far away from everyone else, just him and her in their own little bubble and she loved it.

His reciprocated love had been the one thing she had been thankful during the time she had it.

"Yes, it does." she whispered back, she didn't know why they were whispering. But she didn't really care either, reality was fake. It all was fake, except for him.

-

A/N; I hate the ending, I hate the start, I hate everything about this one shot. But I am just so done with this stupid thing. Ugh, hopefully the next one will be better. I am sorry about this. It was supposed to be better and I was supposed to write an aftermath part. Maybe I will later, but not today.

[stylesdimplefeelings]

Day 5 of Blogmas

Harry had a tendency to blurt out what he’s gotten his mum Christmases past. Thankfully, this year Y/N not only helps him wrap gifts, but also distracts him enough to where he doesn’t open his big mouth.

Or

Christmas Secrets

Side note: Harry proposes?

•Written by Miss Holly (Mistletoe Anon) 

***

The one person who knew Y/N was it for him, was his mother.

Anne knew Y/N was special from the moment she walked into their lives many moons ago.

Y/M/N brought her family over for a barbecue during the Summer that Y/N turned three. Harry had a sort of affinity with Y/N from the get go, instantly inviting her up to his room to play with his toy trucks with a cheeky, dimply grin.

Over the coming years, she watched Gemma marry them in the backyard, snuggle on the couch watching Rugrats, and make some… marvellous concoctions in her kitchen- all of which they left for her to clean.

But there was one day that never left her mind, and popped up whenever she saw them together. They were 13 at the time, and Harry came home ranting and raving to her that “that knob head Bruno kept lookin’ at Y/N funny” before very emotionally expressing his desire to take care of her, because “she really deserves the world”. On that day and every day thereafter, Anne was absolutely certain that they would be forever.

***

“Sod off Harry!”

“Shuddup and kiss me you fool”

“Harry stop! The tape is stuck in my hair!”

“I guess we’ll just have to stay like this then.”

Mid wrapping, Harry made the executive decision that Y/N was simply too far away, and that the best solution to his problem was to tape the two of them together.

“S’ easy for you to say Harold, you’ve wrapped your presents.”

“Peaches, you do realise I’m not letting you go until you give me what I want right?” and with that, he stealthily whipped out a sprig of mistletoe from his back pocket.

It had been two whole Christmases since they’d shared their first kiss in this very house. While their relationship was far from a fairytale, their fate was sealed the second they leaned in that evening.

There was a bond between them that was envied by all they came across. They loved each other with everything they had, and instantly knew when the other was having difficulty- even when they were half a world apart.

“I don’t even know why you bothered wrapping it up. You always blurt out what’s in it anyway… might as well give it to her in a bloody zip lock bag.”

“Ha. ha. I’ve already told you I’m not telling her this year.”

“You’ve literally said that every year since you were three.”

“Well… I have a feeling it’ll be different this time.”

***

December all but flew by, and in the blink of an eye they found themselves nestled on the floor by their Christmas tree, surrounded by both of their families.

Harry and Y/N had gifted her parents a weeks cruise off the coast of Australia, and Gemma a fancy new briefcase and laptop for her new job in the city.

As Y/N pulled out Anne’s present from under the tree, she looked straight at Harry and shushed him.

“I can do it,” he said… rather half-heartedly.

They gave her a gargantuan hug and a kiss on each cheek while they placed the large box on her lap.

As soon as her hand so much as touched the paper, Harry’s mouth was agape. It took every last bit of strength he had to turn to Y/N and mouth to her that he needed help.

She quickly crawled over to him, climbed into his lap and clamped her hands around his mouth. He squirmed, and Gemma took a lot of pride in tormenting him.

“Anything you’d like to… say Harry? Something you’d like to tell Mum perhaps?”

“With respect, please shut up Gem”.

“You sure Harry? You’ve been awfully quiet this evening,” snickered Anne.

“So help me Mum! Just open it!” he forced out, as he firmly squished his face into Y/N’s arm. She felt his breathing quicken as she watched Anne delicately remove the glittery gold paper.

He was about to spill, and she knew it. Thinking quickly, she grabbed his face and kissed him harder than she had ever done before, taking him by surprise, but working nonetheless.

“Oh! My darlings! You shouldn’t have!”

“IT’S A SEWING MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screamed Harry at the top of his lungs as he regretfully pulled away.

“By golly… he’s actually freaking done it… I don’t really know what to say… I guess we should celebrate this momentous occasion.. Rejoice! Rejoice!” sang Gemma as she pulled the two of them up to dance around the room.

As they made it back to their spot on the floor and conversation in the room resumed, Y/N turned to him, grabbing his face between her palms and resting her forehead against his.

“You actually did it… you ACTUALLY did it. I’m so proud of you!” she giggled before lightly pecking his lips and pulling him into a tight embrace.

“Alright you two, enough of the snogging,” said Y/D/N with a clap of his hands. “We want to see what you’ve bought each other”.

Y/N reached to the back of the tree to pull out a silver gift bag with shiny red ribbon wrapped daintily around the handles.

“Merry Christmas Harry,” she said shyly, giving him another small kiss.

Lacking the patience of his mother, He quickly untied the ribbon and threw the tissue paper to the side to reveal a soft brown leather journal, with gold tips on every corner.

He ran his hands over the cover before opening to the first page, where she had taped an old, ragged polaroid of the two of them in his treehouse, and written a small note in cursive.

Fill this with your next Grammy winning album. There better be a song about me in it. Just kidding, but really… I love you. Always have, always will. Y/N, xx.

He broke into his famous piercing chuckle before pulling her into a tight embrace, lightly kissing along her jaw, before reaching into his pocket to pull out a tiny brown paper package, tied up with string.

“Merry Christmas Y/N”

She untied the string and gently peeled back the paper to reveal an intricate box covered in burgundy velvet.

Her eyes instantly became glassy as she looked up at him, looking at her with a glint of hope.

Gemma was the first to break the heavy silence.

“Ohmygod ohmygod OMYGOD!!!”

The parents collectively gasped as they wrapped their arms around each other with wide eyes, watching the couple intently.

As Y/N began to smile, Harry knew he had made the right choice, but he hadn’t yet reached the end of his plan.

He suddenly sprang to his feet before reaching down to grab one of her hands.

“Come on” he ordered, flicking his head towards the stairs.

“What?”

“It’s Christmas time innit. Gotta do this the proper way,” he smirked before pulling her to her feet, picking her up, and walking to the stairs while the family cheered them on through sobs.

The tears were streaming down her face by the time he let her down in their bedroom doorway.

“Don’ cry love. Wan’ ya t’ remember this,” he said softly before running his thumbs under her eyes and pulling her into his arms.

“I love you Harry.”

“I love you too Y/N, but we’re not up to that part yet,” he giggled before getting down on one knee.

His voice was shaky as soon as he started.

“These last two years have been the best in my entire life. You’ve shown me what love feels like in a way that nobody else has ever been able.

“When I’m feeling down, you give me hope. Being with you makes every trouble worth it. And when I’m happy, having you in my life makes my heart double in size.

“When I wake up in the morning, you’re the first thing I think of. I want to know how you’re feeling, what you’re doing, and all of the thoughts turning around in your pretty little head.

“I spend every day thinking of our future. I think of our white picket fence, our cat, and all of our beautiful children who I hope will inherit every single piece of you. I think of us in 50 years, sitting by our Christmas tree with the grandkids, telling them all about our childhood.

“I want to stand under this mistletoe with you every year for the rest of my life, Y/N”.

He went to pull out the box, but his pockets were empty.

“You didn’t happen to grab the ring did you?”

“No… I thought you did.”

“I guess we’ll have to give the people what they want then,” he sighed, carrying her back downstairs.

“YOU LEFT THE BLOODY RING DOWN HERE YOU KNOB!” yelled Gemma as they made it through the archway.

“Shush sister.”

He placed her down in front of the Christmas tree before grabbing the box from the floor and resuming the position as the family looked on.

“Y/N Y/L/N… Will you marry me?”

“I will.”

The second the words left their lips, the family jumped to their feet, cheering, hugging, screaming- anything and everything.

But they didn’t hear a thing. In that moment, Harry and Y/N were sealed together like glue. All of the missing pieces in their lives were filled, and they were putty in each others hands.

“I love you Y/N. Always have, always will.”

“And I love you Harry. Always have, always will.”

[love-stone]

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school. 27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.

19. Oh gods, I can think of very few good things that ever, ever happened in middle school...

I do remember there was this one kid (let’s call him Lester) in my group of “friends” who got really into cooking/baking early in the semester, and started bringing the food he made to lunch with him. Of course, it seemed hella impressive at the time, and he decided to sell his goods to us for a couple dollars. He left after about a year because his parents had to move for work, but damn if that kid probably didn’t make bank off of us during that year of selling us homemade croissants for $2 each. 

We also had these ridiculous vocab sheets for my science class (the kind where you had to, like, define it, and draw a picture with at least four colours in it (so you didn’t just half-ass it), and come up with a mnemonic, and use it in a sentence, and come up with synonyms/related words, etc etc.) This same kid sat next to me because our last names were adjacent, and he would spend hours meticulously doing these vocab sheets each week.

Well, the way these assignments were graded, was the teacher would wait until the bell rang, then would have you lay out the vocab sheet on your desk, and he would come around with two stamps. If he decided your sheet was complete, you got one stamp, if you “made an effort”, you got the other stamp for half credit, and if you hadn’t done enough for half credit, you got no stamp. 

Well, I was a pretty shit student in middle school (actually, it was jr. high because my town’s school system is the equivalent of America still using the imperial system of measurement, but whatever), and was infamous for being incredibly last-minute about doing my homework. I always managed to do it on time (except for Geometry, but that’s a whole different story)

And I kid you not, every Monday morning when these vocab sheets were due, I would ask Lester to hand me his copy of his vocab sheet and four coloured pencils (which he always had in his pencil case), and would set about expertly copying his work. Not word-for-word of course, since plagiarism was a worse crime in my school than actual sexual harassment (but again, a story for another time), but changing just enough so that it looked like my own work. Our last names started with an “S”, and since the seating chart was in alphabetical order, it took a while for the teacher to snake his way around to our desks to stamp our homework. 

I never got less than full credit on these vocab sheets that I did 5 minutes before class. Lester would always seem furious about it, but continued to lend me his coloured pencils and vocab sheet every morning for the whole year. That kid was a true bro, and I hope he went on to do cool things after he moved. I remember he had super tiny handwriting (which sort of inspired my tiny handwriting), and also had a similarly obsessive origami phase when I met him in elementary school, where he made super intricate original pieces that I realize, looking back, were pretty impressive for a sixth grader...

Anyway, yeah, Lester was a cool kid. Probably one of the better people I met in jr. high tbh...but now I realize I could probably rant about jr. high forever, so we’ll just leave it at Lester...

27. Like, favorite part of someone else’s body in particular? Or just of other bodies in general?

(I guess nsfw/trigger/dysphoria warning for genital mention upcoming?...)

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...

...

Idk, this may be somewhat clichée/squick-y as a trans gal, but vaginas have always been fascinating to me? Like, not even in a sexual way, just in the “I’ve never had the opportunity to have this and want to know what it’s like” kind of a way. And this hasn’t been a recent curiosity; in fact, it’s probably one of the earliest signs that would have made me go “golly gee, I’m probably trans” if I had had the language and understanding of transness when I was younger (even though I know genitalia doesn’t equal gender, I know...). 

And, like, I’m planning on getting SRS sometime in the next few years if everything goes smoothly, and am really excited for being able to have that experience finally? So that’s kinda cool I guess...

...

...

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(nsfw/trigger/dysphoria warning ends here)

I guess another thing would be long hair in general as well? Like, super long, flowy hair in complex braids or tight buns, or whatever? Idk, I’ve always found that super cute, and while my hair is growing slowly but surely, it’ll probably be a while before it gets close to being like that. 

Idk, I guess aside from certain bits down below, I have the same body parts as most other humans, so I guess there aren’t any things I specifically admire or am intrigued by other than a few things that I haven’t been able to experience (yet). Not that I’m 100% in love with my body specifically, but it is a body just like everyone else’s, so I guess I don’t quite see the use in pining after specific parts of other people’s bodies that are probably only slightly different from my own? But maybe that’s just me, who knows...