#going out to the state park later this month and i'm excited to take lots of tree pictures hehehehheehe

[inniave]

god bless 20 year old forums

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-one

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: This story takes place during the era between Finding God Before God Finds Me and The Death of Peace of Mind. Tags will be open, send in an ask or comment on the chapter. I'll try to catch every one!

Swearing from below caught my attention as I reluctantly dragged myself out of my bunk to the noise. It was angry and loud followed by a kick then some more swearing. I ran a hand through my hair while I exited the tour bus and raised a brow to my fellow bandmate and boyfriend, Trey. 

"What's your problem?" 

He shot me a look, one that he thought would scare me, but I nearly chuckled at the sight of it. 

"You forgot to pack my laptop. I can't find it on the bus or down here." 

Now my eyes sliced into him. "I didn't pack shit of yours, Trey. I told you I was already stressing out about this tour, the last thing I needed was to take care of you." 

He scoffed before slamming the door to the under compartment of the bus shut. "Why the fuck are you stressing out for? It's not like it's our first tour." 

As he walked past me, I smelled the lingering scent of vodka and nearly strangled him. Leave it to Trey to drink before eleven a.m. Tonight was the first night of our month-long tour across the United States and here he was, drunk before soundcheck. And he dares to ask me why I'm so stressed out. 

"Maybe I'm stressed out because this is our first sold-out tour and you're already drunk," I seethed while following him down the street. 

Trey pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "Calm down, Y/N. It's not like I can't perform drunk." 

The long locks of his curly hair fell into his face and he ran a hand through it to push it away from his eyes. The tattoo on his palm caught my attention like it always did. 

Rose. 

No, not a tattoo of the flower but a name; his ex-fiance. 

I absolutely hated that tattoo and after two years of dating, I begged him to get it covered up but he refused. Which should have been the first sign to leave him but I was desperate for some kind of relationship with him so I overlooked it. 

Like everything else about Trey. 

Plus, our band Hollow Souls was his and if I broke up with him, Trey would turn the rest of the guys against me. I couldn't afford for that to happen. When Trey came to me, as a friend, four years ago with the idea of starting a band, I thought he was crazy. Especially when he wanted me to sing for the band, he was the screamer and guitar player, so why would they need me to sing?

"Your voice is amazing, Y/N. Think how cool our band would be with my screams and your soft singing. There's nothing like it." 

Now four years later, Hollow Souls were one of the most popular bands in the metal genre and this was our second tour in the last year. We might have been exhausted but the prospect of touring with another band that was just rising to fame made us all giddy with excitement so of course we agreed to another tour. 

Well, not all of us were excited to be touring with this band. Trey made his distaste for them pretty damn clear; hence why he was drinking already. 

"Why don't you go sleep off your hangover, I'm sure you still have and I'll come find you when our soundcheck starts," I suggested. 

Trey tossed down the butt of his cigarette and walked away, without stomping it out. Rolling my eyes, I crushed it beneath my boot then slowly followed him back to the parking lot of the venue where our bus was parked. 

"Fuck sleep. I want to be wide awake when those assholes show up." 

I shook my head at Trey. "Why do you hate them so much? We haven't even met them." 

He whipped his head around. "You haven't but I have. Their vocalist is a young entitled prick who thinks just because they had one hit off their last album that they deserve to have their name bigger on OUR tour poster?" 

Oh, here we fucking go. Again. 

I pushed past him to make my way to the bus. "You're so fucking stupid, Trey. You're believing bullshit you read online. When have they ever come out and said that themselves?" 

"Don't walk away from me," Trey hissed while grabbing my hand; a little too hard.

I ignored the pain by keeping my gaze hard on his face. "Trey, let me go. Now." 

Movement sounded behind him and I peered over his shoulder to see Chase, our drummer, poke his head out from the bus. 

"Everything alright?" He gave us a curious look. 

"Yep," I ripped my arm from Trey. 

Chase patted my shoulder as I climbed up the stairs of our tour bus and didn't bother to look toward Malcolm, our bass player, as I retreated into my bunk. Our soundcheck was in a few hours and if I wanted to make sure our first show went off without a hitch, I needed to calm myself. 

Three hours later, I was dressed in one of our merch hoodies and a pair of black biker shorts ready to get soundcheck over with. Trey didn't bother coming back to the bus and after waiting for him, Malcom suggested we should head into the venue without him. The wind blew through my hair as I stepped off the bus and gave a worried glance to Chase. 

"Did you find him?" I asked. 

He shook his head. "I texted him but no response. You know him, Y/N. He's probably at a bar right now but he'll be here in time for the show."

Reluctantly, I nodded and followed Chase into the backdoor of the venue when a large bus pulled up right next to ours. 

"About time," Malcom chuckled as he appeared almost out of thin air right next to me. 

His red hair was pulled back tight into a bun, his emerald eyes shining with the rays of the sun. Chase, whose blonde hair was buzzed short and blue eyes were dark as the night ocean, waved to the mystery bus as the door opened. 

"The next time I take your directions, Malcolm I'm having you pay to fill up the bus' gas tank," a man with long hair and a thick accent said as he took the final step from the bus. 

Malcom rolled his eyes before doing the typical man/bro hug. "Fuck you, Jolly. My directions were perfect. It's the only venue in all of Texas that has a blue roof." 

I looked over to my shoulder so I could look at the venue but smacked Malcolm in the chest. "You dumbass. The roof isn't blue; it's red!" 

He gave a sheepish smile while shrugging. "Oh shit. I forgot I'm colorblind." 

"No, you're not," Chase noted. 

The man, Jolly, chuckled while extending his hand to me after he hugged Chase. Clearly, they already knew each other. 

"I'm Jolly, guitar player of Bad Omens." 

With a bright smile, I shook his hand. "Y/N, clean vocalist for Hollow Souls." 

"Oh trust me, I know who you are. We listen to you guys pretty often; huge fans. Noah talks about your vocal range all the time," Jolly admitted while stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. 

A red hue crept over my face at the simple compliment. It wasn't something I heard often because everyone always talked about Trey's screams and how long he could hold a note or how deep his growls could go. 

"That means a lot to me, really. Few people compliment me, it's usually something they save for Trey," I admitted while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"Well, it's true," a different man slinked up beside Jolly with a goofy, bright smile. "I'm Nick but you can call me Folio." 

"Oh, let me guess." I tapped my chin. "Drummer?" 

Folio chuckled while nodding. "What gave it away?" 

I pointed to his hoodie pocket. "The drumsticks." 

Another guy with hair down to his shoulders emerged from the bus and nodded towards the group of us. "Blue roof my ass." 

Malcolm rolled his eyes and flipped this guy the middle finger. "Sorry, Nick. I forgot I'm colorblind." 

Chase pinched his eyes shut. "No. You're not." 

"Wait," I pointed between the two men. "You're both Nick?" 

They nodded and Folio spoke next. "Which is why you can call me Folio." 

Nick then extended his hand towards me. "Nice to meet you. I'm sure they've already said this but we're huge fans of Hollow Souls. Noah has your music on the playlist we play during the wait time for our shows." 

I don't know why but that small tidbit of information made my heart stutter. I had no idea who this Noah was but apparently; he thought pretty highly of me. 

"Shit, you guys sure know how to make a girl blush," I laughed lightly while bouncing on the soles of my feet. 

Then as if the air around me shifted, taking all the oxygen from my lungs, I watched as the final member of Bad Omens exited the bus. A black beanie covered most of his long hair and the brown jacket he wore did absolute wonders for his skin. The black jeans hugged every inch of his thighs as he walked towards us; no, almost stalked towards us in a way that practically screamed confidence. His plump lips parted to speak and my ears were hit with the most angelic voice I ever heard. 

"Malcolm, your directions-." 

My bandmate groaned while rolling his eyes. "Yes, I already fucking know." 

As the guys chatted amongst themselves for a moment, my eyes were glued to the tall man in front of me. Easily he had to be six foot three because being only a few feet away from me, he towered over me. Tattoos were peaking out from the collar of his shirt and when he extended his hand towards me, I trailed over every single tattoo on his fingers. 

Long fingers that could make the devil weep in sin. 

"Hey, I'm Noah." 

When I realized he was talking to me, I blinked a few times and stammered out my name. 

"Y-Y/N. Nice to meet you," I shook his large hand, and the immediate warmth his gentle touch brought made me weak in the knees. 

"Trust me, I know who you are," Noah smiled. 

Suddenly gaining more confidence from his smile alone, I playfully raised a brow at him. "Yeah, your bandmates kind of told me you're a huge fan." 

Oh fuck, even his laugh sounded breathtaking. 

"Yes, I'll be the first one to admit that. When the record label told us who we're touring with, I may have fanboyed." 

Chase hummed in response before ruffling my hair. "Rightfully so. Y/N is what makes Hollow Souls." 

I pushed his arm away. "Whatever. All I do is sing." 

All of this attention towards me wasn't why I was so defensive. It was because if Trey heard me getting all the praise, he would blow a fucking gasket. He always thought he was the center of Hollow Souls since he started the band so whenever someone else besides him got even a hint of praise, he would throw a fit. 

Noah snorted. "You're too hard on yourself, Y/N. The range your voice gets is insane." 

The blush never left my face, only intensified, so I stared down at the toes of my shoes because I wasn't sure how to take yet another compliment. 

"Speaking of which," Chase sighed. "We should probably find out where Trey went." 

"I'm honored you're all worried about me." 

Internally, I cringed when an arm slung around my shoulder and a wet kiss was plastered to my cheek. I was avoiding the gazes of everyone and I nearly missed the look of shock that crossed over Noah's face as Trey left another kiss on my cheek after I wiped away the first one. 

"You stink," I muttered under my breath. 

"Sorry, sugar. I had a few drinks at the bar down the road," Trey admitted while brushing his hair away from his face. 

The sides were shaved, but the rest lay on top of his head in a curly mess. His dark eyes held no light behind them, it dying so long ago, and the array of tattoos that littered his arms were as dull as his soul. The alcohol and stardom over the years changed Trey and not for the better. Before we started dating, Trey was the most vibrant soul I'd ever met but once we got together and Hollow Souls took off, everything changed. He became the asshole that now stood next to me. 

Many would ask why I was still with Trey but he was familiar and I didn't want to go through the fear of starting over. Also, I liked my position in the band and didn't want to mess that up. 

Trey nodded to Chase and Malcom, completely ignoring the guys of Bad Omens. 

"How'd soundcheck go?" 

Chase scoffed. "We haven't even started. We were waiting for you." 

"Oh, you guys don't need me. Since Y/N here is the heart and soul of our band," Trey pushed himself off of me but then smacked my ass. "Let's get moving, babe. We're wasting time out here." 

I bit my lip, suddenly feeling very embarrassed with the way Trey was treating me, something Noah immediately picked up on. 

"Nice to see you again, Trey," he said. 

"Noah," Trey gave him a curt nod then linked his fingers in mine to drag me away from them. 

NOAH

Holy shit. She's real and absolutely beautiful. 

The pictures on her Instagram paled in comparison to the real thing standing in front of me. The way her hair blew across the softness of her face or how when the afternoon sun casts over her eyes at just the right angle, they shined with so much light it made my heart flutter. And when her cheeks flushed red as I complimented her voice or the way her eyes cast downward, it made all the blood in my body rush straight to my dick and I suddenly cursed myself for wearing such tight jeans. 

Then that prick Trey came along and treated her like she was nothing as he dragged her away. I nearly stepped between them but with the stern look that Jolly gave me, I knew it was best not to get involved. 

"This is going to be a long few weeks," Nick said as we all watched the members of Hollow Souls walk into the venue. 

"I'd be happy if Trey wasn't a part of it," I said truthfully. 

Folio hummed in agreement. "He's always had a problem with us even before you flirted with his girlfriend." 

"I didn't know they were dating," I retorted back. "And I wasn't flirting with her." 

"Right," Jolly nodded. "Because the looks you two were giving each other weren't all that heart-eye shit they talk about in romance novels." 

Thankfully, our crew's bus pulled up right on time so I didn't have to explain myself and for the next while, we helped everyone take our equipment from the bus to the venue where Hollow Souls was still doing soundcheck. Every so often, Y/N's ethereal voice would pierce into my soul causing me to stand still in place, watching her on that stage. 

As much as I disliked the guy, with his deep guttural screams and her siren-like voice, they were perfectly made for this. 

"You're staring," Nick whispered as he walked behind me to set down one of the large crates. 

"Fuck off," I grumbled before adjusting the beanie on my head and reluctantly walked away from the stage.

[literaticat]

 If your book earns out (eventually)that's good for the author and publisher, right? Why is there a big stress on preorders, first week sales and what a book does right out of the gate? Shouldn't publishers wait a year before they make a final determination to a books success? Especially with things like TikTok that can help bolster sales out of nowhere. It seems like there's so much pressure on authors for success straight away. Do publishers just want their investment back ASAP?

I don't know how you got your question to be in bold? ANYway, since there are like 30 questions in here I'm just going to take them bird by bird.

If your book earns out (eventually) that's good for the author and publisher, right? Yes, of course.

Why is there a big stress on preorders, first week sales and what a book does right out of the gate? Well, for several reasons:

-- A book with a ton of pre-orders feels "exciting" -- if you owned a bookstore, and you had ordered two copies of GREATBOOK initially to come in -- but then 30 people pre-ordered it from you -- you'd probably strongly consider ordering EXTRA copies, right? That seems like an indication that people really are interested in this book, you should have a pile of them, not just two! You should put it on display!

-- A book with a ton of pre-orders and first-week sales has a much better chance to hit a bestseller list (specifically, the NYT bestseller list). Why? Let's say your author started asking people to pre-order six months ago and those orders have been stacking up in dribs and drabs. But that book doesn't go on sale until January 15th. ALL SIX MONTHS of pre-orders are going to get rung up on release day. The NYT is based on books sold during one week's time compared to all other books sold during that one week. Obviously, a book with a ton of pre-orders will get a big boost that week!

-- Books that hit the list get more visibility, they get people hooting about them on social media, they get to be called "NYT Bestselling" which seems fancy, ALL of that can very much help sales going forward. Is it the be-all-end-all? No, of course not. But there's no doubt that it's NICE!

-- The majority of publisher-led publicity and marketing efforts are focused on before or soon after release date -- getting gatekeepers like booksellers, librarians, etc whatever interested in ordering the book into their stores and libraries, getting reviews, pitching the book to media outlets, etc -- so IF those efforts are going to help a book, you're more likely to get that boost when the book is new. After several months have gone by, a thousand newer books have come out, focus has shifted to those books.

Shouldn't publishers wait a year before they make a final determination to a books success?

I mean - I think they do? These things are not mutually exclusive. Of course they'd like to have a lot of success right out of the gate. Obviously, they'd be delighted to have a lot of success later, as well. Plenty of books grow in sales as time goes on, etc -- I don't think anyone is deeming a book a failure if the book doesn't hit it out of the park immediately. I can't speak for adult books, but on the kid's side, we don't really know what kind of longevity a book might have for probably at least a year, because there needs to be time for books to make their way onto state lists, into curriculum, and stuff like that -- for teachers to read it to classrooms, for kids to get hooked and tell friends, etc etc. Once a book is out in paperback and really getting imbedded into schools, we might see BONKERS sales that could never have been predicted from a sluggish start in bookstores a year or two earlier. Publishers are well aware of this -- books are not going out of print in the first year after release.

Especially with things like TikTok that can help bolster sales out of nowhere. It seems like there's so much pressure on authors for success straight away.

Yep, there are plenty of examples of books that have surprising late-in-life success bc of TikTok (or whatever) -- HOWEVER, the difference is, the publisher and author have little to no control over a book suddenly going viral "outta nowhere"! IT'S AMAZING AND GREAT when that happens, we can all wish for it and hope for it -- but it feels kind of out of our hands -- whereas things like pre-orders, getting blurbs, yadda yadda, are at least things that the publisher and author have a MODICUM of control over. They can't MAKE people pre-order, but they can TRY at least!

Do publishers just want their investment back ASAP?

That would be great, sure. But profit margins are slim, and many books never earn out. Publishers know that they are probably going to just break even on a lot of books, and lose money on some, and have big hits with a few. I don't think anyone is expecting every book to have massive pre-orders or huge initial sales or whatever else.

Further: Most of this "pressure" is coming from the authors themselves. Like, the call is coming from inside the house. I've NEVER heard a publisher insist that an author do some enormous pre-order campaign or hit social media relentlessly for months -- actually it's more likely that a publisher in the year of our lord 2024 will say that they don't really think a massive pre-order campaign is worth the effort. I've NEVER heard a publisher say that anything in particular rides on first week sales, or insist that a book must hit a bestseller list. Of course they are hoping for it, it would be great! But it would be foolish for them to say that it WILL or MUST happen, and if it doesn't, it doesn't diminish the author or their efforts in any way. Obviously when award-time comes, publishers AND authors are likely crossing their fingers that a book will get a big shiny medal, and they might be a little disappointed if their book doesn't get one (especially if armchair experts online were predicting that it might) -- but I've NEVER heard a publisher put pressure on an author about that kind of thing, either, if anything, the opposite.

Publishers are, in fact, much more likely to be trying to temper outsize author expectations, rather than stoking them. There might be a few outliers -- huge-name authors where everyone really does expect instant NYT success and glory, so if it doesn't happen for some reason, there's some disappointment all around - but truly? That level of expectation is quite rare, and if you happen to be in that echelon, you probably aren't asking questions like this on Tumblr, you're busy swanning around the Isle of Capri or something. And actually you probably don't feel PRESSURE to hit the list in that case anyway -- you just expect you will as that is normal for you. Bless.

Regular authors? Which is 99% of the authors reading this post? You can go ahead and calm down. We love you regardless of your pre-orders or initial sales. If you feel "enormous pressure" for "instant success" -- really take a look at where that pressure is coming from. Because it's probably not from agents or publishers, who know from long experience that almost no success is "instant" by any stretch of the imagination.

[sturniolotrip-samandcolby-lover]

Matt sturniolo Little bean - first scan

Part 2 of the series

Word count -1.5k

Warnings - swearing, mentions of hospitals,fluff Matt ,crying,use of y/n ,3 months pregnant, not proof read that's all I think

Summary -Basically reader and Matt go for their baby's first scan and just a whole lot of fluff

Please like , comment and follow guys .I try and make sure I follow everyone back .

I stand at the kitchen sink watching the fresh morning sky through the window as I gusle down my second pint of cold water , hearing that it helps make the baby show easier on the sonogram.I look down to my stomach with a tiny bump forming .I remember the first time I noticed it and thinking that I was massive already but I just know that by the end of this pregnancy I'll be about 10 times the size but I can't wait .

I hear Matt's and I bedroom door open and close as I hear the quite sound of Matt's bare feet touching the laminate floor as he makes his way to the kitchen ." I wondered where you was missy" he exclaims and I smile at my nickname from him ,he leans into kiss me as he grabs a cup so he can make some coffee for himself ."I couldn't sleep any longer I'm just too excited" I respond."do you want a decaf coffee?" Matt asks me with a smile at my last sentence,"nah I'm good thanks babe , I'll stick to the water" I say to him pointing at my now empty glass ."but you hate water" He says to me with a confused look on his face "i know but i heard somewhere the more water you drink the clearer the baby is supposed to show up" i explain to matt as he nods his head still focusing on making his coffee.

*1 hour later*

"Remember to get that photo guys ... I wanna see a picture of my niece" I hear Chris shouting as I walk down the stairs following Matt ."we will do and it might not be a girl we won't find out yet tho" I hear Matt answering his younger brother .We hear a quick mutter of okay from Chris as we shut the door to the garage and make way to the car.I get in the passenger seat strapping the seat belt over my tiny bump .As matt straps himself in and starts reversing out onto the road .

As we start to park up at the hospital I begin to feel nervous , and I suddenly go quiet."you okay peach?" Matt asks me breaking the sudden silence."yeah just abit nervous now" I say honestly as we lock the car and make our way to the hospital."it'll be fine the baby will be fine " he says reassuring me as he holds my hand .We enter the hospital and after getting lost we finally make our way to the maternity unit .

We sit waiting in the waiting room with my hand still linked with Matt's as his thumb rubs comforting circles on the back of my hand.As I look around I noticed that Matt and I are by far the youngest parents to be and there is a older lady with her much further gone bump as she looks down to it so lovingly.I can't wait for that to be me .I'm taken out of my day dream state by a midwife calling my name "miss y/l/n ?" I stand up with Matt ."yes that's us" I respond walking over to her with a smile on my face and Matt following .

As we enter the little room with a small bed , a chair and a little machine with a screen on it .I suddenly feel like I have no idea what I'm doing ."so how do you preferred to be addressed?" The nurse asked me as she walks towards the machine ,"y/n" is just fine I say with a small smile ."please take a seat on the bed if you could lower your leggings just below your bump , and you're dad I'm assuming?" The nurse says the last part to Matt ."yeah I'm dad" he responds shyly ,"please take a seat" she says to matt in which he takes her up on this offer.

"now y/n I understand this is your first baby" the nurse asks as she starts preparing her equipment."yes it's first baby for both of us " I say nodding to Matt as I say that last part of my sentence."right I'm just going to put this jelly on your stomach so I can see baby it will be a little cold " the nurse says to me with a smile.'little cold' would be the biggest understatement I've ever heard as soon as the nurse put the jelly on my my abdomen is freezing, the nurse must notice the quick jump I make as she mutters a quick sorry .

She moves her wand looking thing over my stomach as she spreads the cold jelly across of it .She stares at the screen so insensitive as she makes notes while pressing buttons .After minutes of agonizing silence she moves the screen towards Matt and I ."so there's your baby" she says with a smile as she presses a button and a strong heartbeat fills the room .I can't take my eyes off the screen as I look at it in absolute awe ."hi baby" I whisper to the screen quietly.

"are you okay dad?" I hear the nurse as my gaze is turned from our little blob onto the screen to Matt ."yeah just alot isn't it" I hear Matt's response as he wipes his eyes " I just can't believe I'm going to be a dad" as his eyes water up again .The nurse nods her head understandingly "makes it all seem real now doesn't it" the nurse says to us both in which we respond with a chorus of "yeah's" ."so baby is measuring up perfectly for it's age and you're 13 weeks and 3 days .I understand that you would like some photos printed" the nurse says ."yes please, 4 if you can" I say to her ."that's fine I'll just get that sorted and get you booked in for your next scan that will be in 7 weeks and we'll also be able to see baby's gender by then aswell unless you chose for a private scan then you would find out earlier" The nurse says as she leaves the room to get out scan photos printed .

I turn my attention to Matt "are babe are you alright" I ask him as I reach my hand for him , he takes me hand "yeah just really happy" I wipe the jelly off my stomach and raise my trousers up over my bump .While I swing my legs around to sit on the bed facing Matt .The nurse come back into the room handing us out pictures of our baby ."right so thats you booked in for 7 weeks and congratulations" the nurse says as we leave the room .

*drive home*

"isn't it just the cutest blob " Matt says to me as he waits for me to walk to the door while he looks again at the scan photos in admiration."it really is " I say once I reach him , I lean in to give him a quick kiss as he opens the house door ."guys come down here we've got pictures of bean " Matt shouts up the stairs to his two brothers as we hear 2 sets of footsteps getting closer to the entrance "bean?" I say to Matt giving him a questionable look."yeah our little bean" he responds with a massive smile on his face .

[madiomens]

Just Pretend [n.s.]

Chapter Two

I slid my badge through the time clock at the end of my shift, tossing my backpack around my shoulder. I sighed as I redid the clip in my hair, my bangs making their way out of the twist.

"Goodnight, Maddie." My manager said as she walked past me, patting my back. "Good job today."

"Thank you, wait just a second." I said, jogging to catch up with her. "I have bad news."

Her face fell as she stopped walking to face me. "Don't say it."

I pursed my lips as I tried to find the words. "I'm putting in my notice."

Her head fell backwards as she rubbed her eyes, the corners of her mouth turned down. "Maddie, why?" She whined.

I sighed. "An opportunity has presented itself that I can't pass up."

"Can I ask what it is?" She questioned.

A grin ghosted my face before I answered, causing her eyes to light up in intrigue. "Bad Omens have asked me to go on tour with them as their nurse in a month."

Her eyes got wide as her jaw dropped open, causing me to laugh at her expression. Melissa is only a few years older than I am and we have bonded over our love for the same music and festivals.

She furrowed her brows. "Well, now I have to be excited for you to leave when I really want to just cry." She said, taking a deep breath.

"Don't do that because it'll make me do it too." I said, opening my eyes wide to will the tears away. "I can sign on for contracts here when we're not on tour."

"Please?" She asked, wrapping her arms around me in a hug.

"Of course." I said into her hair, squeezing her tightly.

She pulled away. "I know you put in your notice, but you don't have to finish out your scheduled shifts for the month. Go prepare and get excited." She said, a sad smile on her face. "And I will see you when you get back to town."

I smiled at her. "I'll miss you the most."

She poked her lip out and squeezed my arms with her hands. "Will you at least tell Noah how beautiful he is for me?"

I threw my head back in laughter, my voice echoing around the parking lot. "I will try."

A month later I was strolling into the airport with two large suitcases and a carry on bag that were all packed to the brim. I had been communicating with Noah over the last few weeks about flight plans and how long the tour would be. They're planning on touring throughout other countries for three months and through the states for a month and a half, possibly adding more dates for festivals. I checked my bags in and began making my way through the airport, my eyes eventually landing on the band. They stood in a circle talking to a couple fans who approached them, friendly smiles on their faces. Noah's eyes broke contact with the girl who was talking animatedly to him to land on my own eyes, a soft grin spreading across his face. He waved me over, causing the guys to turn and look at me. Smiles broke out on their own faces as they waved at me. The five of us had already begun a group text and had gotten to know each other some, making us all more comfortable now that we are seeing each other in person.

"Hi, Maddie!" Folio greeted me, giving me a quick hug.

I smiled at him. "You drink water today?"

He laughed, the sound of it bringing me joy to listen to. "Two bottles so far. It's only 10 AM."

I laughed. "I'll take it."

"This is Maddie. She's going to be our nurse on tour." Nicholas said to the fans, introducing me.

I waved at them as they all said hi to me, friendly grins on their faces. "That sounds like the best job in the world." The tall blonde said, her voice deep and raspy.

"Oh, I'm so excited." I said with a grin, causing the band to laugh.

"We should probably get to our flight. It was nice to meet you guys." Noah said to the girls, waving at them as we turned to walk away.

"It was nice to meet you, Maddie." The blonde said, waving along with the other girls.

"Oh, it was nice to meet you too!" I said with a smile, waving bye to them.

I walked in the middle of the guys as we made our way to our terminal, boarding with first class almost immediately. The first country we are going to is Ireland, which is a 10 hour flight, so the boys insisted first class was the most comfortable way to get through a long flight. The first entrance was a bar area with tables and booths spread throughout, leading to the main cabin that had pods to sit in. There were single pods and doubles, each one having types of care packages for the flight. Jolly sat in a single pod, leaving us with two doubles left. Noah slid into one, motioning for me to join him. I gave him a soft smile and sat down beside him after putting my carry on in the overhead compartment.

"You ever been on a plane ride this long?" He questioned, pulling his hood on top of the tiny bun on his head.

I shook my head. "Longest one was when I went to Cancun last year, but that was only four and a half hours."

"It honestly doesn't even feel as long as it is. We all just talk and watch movies. Sometimes listen to music if we go to sleep." He said as he got more comfortable in his seat.

I nodded as I lifted my legs to sit criss cross in the seat, pulling the sleeves of my hoodie down over my knuckles. "Maybe they'll have decent horror movies."

Noah turned towards me with a glint in his eye. "You watch horror movies?"

I slightly grinned at him in confusion. "Yes?"

He grinned back at me. "I know what we're doing when we're tired of talking."

I let out a breathy laugh at the excitement on his face as he began scrolling through the movies available. His bottom lip disappeared in his mouth as he chewed on it, eyes skimming through the titles on the screen. I broke eye contact from his face when I felt something hit the side of mine. I turned to see Jolly, his eyes wide as he apologized profusely.

"I was aiming for Nicholas, I am so sorry." He said, leaning across the aisle to hand me a piece of black licorice. "Some candy for the trouble."

My nose scrunched up in disgust before I could stop it, causing Jolly to gasp dramatically. I looked over at Noah with the same expression and he looked down at my hand then back up at my face with his brows raised. "You don't like black licorice either?"

My nose stayed scrunched up. "Tastes like menthol."

"THANK YOU!" He exclaimed, taking the licorice out of my hand to chunk it back at Jolly. "It's disgusting."

I laughed and turned to Jolly in apology. "I'm sorry. I respect that it is a popular candy in your home country, but my taste buds just aren't a fan."

"It is ok. More for me." He said, popping one in his mouth.

I smiled at him and turned back to Noah, who had settled on Sinister to turn on when we were ready. "How long have you been a nurse?" He questioned me as a flight attendant handed him a drink. My brows shot up with a chuckle at the early drinking, causing him to laugh back at me. "Hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere."

I laughed at him. "Three years."

He took a sip and furrowed his brows. "Three years? How old are you?"

I fake gasped and put my hand on my chest. "Noah, don't you know to never ask a lady her age?"

His eyes got wide and he shook his head side to side. "I'm sorry I wasn't even thinking."

I threw my head backwards against the headrest as a laugh escaped me. "I'm joking. I'm 25. Graduated in the minimum four years."

He bumped his shoulder into mine with a sigh. "God, you made me think I already offended you."

"The day has just begun." I said humorously, causing him to laugh.

"Is it what you've always wanted to do?" He questioned.

I nodded and rested my head on the headrest. "For as long as I can remember."

"I love that." He said. "Acquiring the dream you've always had. It's admirable."

I turned my head to look at him with a soft smile. "Have you acquired the dream you've always had?"

It was his turn to return the same soft smile of his own. "And then some."

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen and everything in between. We are ready to depart to Ireland. We should arrive in around ten and a half hours, so please buckle up then you will be free to roam about the cabin as needed once we are in the air. Thank you." A man's voice came over the speakers, breaking our eye contact.

I slid the buckle across my waist and placed my feet on the ground, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out through pursed lips.

"Ready for ten hours in the air?" He asked me with a soft chuckle.

I looked over at him with a soft chuckle of my own. "As ready as I'll ever be."

[brainmaniaman]

I have been scouring this fucking app for Julian fics, never really occurred to I can just request some lol.

So yeah, if you're up for it I've got a little plot/trope set up that'd id love to see. Outsider(fem)reader/julian.

Something along the lines of a reader moving into the park from the southern us, new to Canada and parks in general. As an outsider, Julian expected you to be trouble or judgemental, so he acts like a dick to you at first. Later on, he starts to see instead how kind you are to everyone, understanding and totally up for doing ppl favors even when there's nothing for you in the end. This makes him feel real guilty for bein an ass to you, and also makes him start to feel other things towards u.. Take the fic in whatever direction you'd I wanna see u work ur magic

( + no pressure 2 write it ofc!!)

pairing: julian/fem!reader fandom: trailer park boys tags: smut (cis man/cis woman), fluff, a bit of angst, idk this is one of my more normal ones, heavy plot some porn (i kind of felt more plot focused with this one), julian is kind of hung (he gives me big dick energy)  author's note: i'm much more of a ricky kinda guy myself but when i got this request, i got really fucking excited. i loved the idea. i will say, this fic isn't structured traditionally. it's very dialogue heavy and kind of leaves some things up to the imagination. i wanted to establish relationships between the reader and other people in the park as well as share some of julian's private conversations about her. i'm really proud of the way this has turned out, though i'm sorry if it's not the interpretation you might have been hoping for (i'm a little insecure about the way i interpret storylines). i hope you like it, though. i worked hard on it and i'm pretty sure it's the longest julian/reader fic currently on the internet so i'm going to take that fucking win rn. also, i actually live in the southern united states. (fun fact: i'm looking to move because i'm a trans man and life here is kind of ass if you're trans), so i gave the reader a backstory that's kind of unique to what a woman in 1999-2000 would have gone through. i'm not satisfied with the ending though, i'm sorry if this fic is a little lackluster, but we can only go up from here i guess. text blocking this shit was a fucking BITCH. word count: 6,442

everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it.

The cultural climate of Sunnyvale Trailer Park wasn't exactly the most inviting. There were people who lived in the park and then there was everyone else. For the most part, newcomers never lasted more than a few weeks. The bottle kids drove away the weakest among them, but if those kids weren't effective usually Ricky's antics drove away the remaining lot. Sure, there were a few people here and there who moved in quietly, but those were usually the kind of people that minded their own business because lot rent was low enough for them to just ignore Lahey.

But in general, new people were not welcome. Especially know-it-all hipsters trying to live the simple life by casting away their possessions in an expensive storage unit and downsizing to a more humble trailer. Those were the kinds of guys that gave up quickly. Plus, new people threatened the balance of park politics. For the most part, Julian was well-liked and well-respected among the others due to his caring nature and dedication to his loved ones. He protected his own. And if there was one thing Julian didn't like, it was newcomers coming into the park without already knowing someone in it.

"Barb, I really think you should reconsider letting this girl in. I mean, you don't even know who she is." 

"Julian, this is a business, not a family estate. Her credit was just below decent, she has an okay-paying job, and paid three months of rent in advance. From a business perspective, she seems like she'll be a reliable tenant. It's a good thing you've grown close with your community, but you have to remember at the end of the day, this trailer park is here to make money. Whatever fit of paranoia you're suffering through, deal with it on your own time. Next time you come here with a complaint, make sure it's a business one." 

And just like that, Barb had shooed Julian off. What more could he say to that? Well, he had a lot more to say to that but she didn't want to listen. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, she only guided him further to the door. If Julian thought he was the one who ran this trailer park, he had another thing coming for him that's what. This dump needed more reliable tenants - normal folks who didn't like to get into trouble. Barb was trying to turn the park's image around.

"Julian, I just don't understand why you're so against this lady stayin' here. You know I'm no fan of newcomers myself, but she's been mindin' her own. She actually keeps her yard clean, which is pretty fuckin' nice if you ask me. It's nice to pass a yard that doesn't have a million fuckin' pieces of trash thrown all over the front. She even has one of those pink fuckin' yard flamingos in her yard. It's so bright and colorful. There ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of color, Julian. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of change." 

"Are you even listening to yourself talk Bubbles? Can you hear what you're saying? You're saying change for this park is good. Who knows what she believes in. She might hate dope growers, she may be workin' with Lahey, she could get nosy and bust us for dope and you know Ricky and I are growin' a lot of dope -" 

"- I know, I've seen that big fuckin' setup you got in that fuckin' trailer in that shitty little lot -" 

"- so then Bubbles you should know that new people aren't good. We can't trust new people, especially not now. Especially not when we're so close to selling them to those prison guards and retiring. A stranger could compromise the whole thing. Remember those bible scammers that came through here? I've learned my lesson since then and I'm not tryna repeat old mistakes." 

"Jesus Murphy Julian, you need to calm down. Those fuckin' assholes were obviously scammers, it's not like this lady is goin' door to door scammin' people." 

"Sure maybe she's not taking advanced orders on bibles Bubbles, but she is goin' in and out of everyone's house doin' favors for them. Why does she need to see the inside of everyone's house? Do you think she's lookin' for something?" 

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's just a nice person doin' a nice thing? Nice people exist. You've been dealin' with dope and crime and jail so much that it's like you forgot how to trust someone. All you think about is dope and how you're going to protect it from everyone else." 

"You're only defendin' her because she brings you boxes of canned cat foods for your cats. She's buyin' you off and you don't even know it." 

"So what if she's helpin' me take care of my kitties? My kitties are the most important things to me and unlike you, she fuckin' knows that. If someone's offering to help take care of my precious little kitties, who the fuck am I to say no?" 

"Bubbles, look -" 

"No, no, nevermind." Bubbles tucks a gray cat further into his arms, his posture becoming more rigid. It's clear that he's done with the conversation, no longer interested in trying to hammer commonsense into Julian's brain. He couldn't see past his own paranoia and it was infuriating. In Julian's mind, everyone in the world was out to get him - even the nice lady across the street who helped his friend support his kitties. "You just don't get it, Julian. I'm goin' back home, come talk to me when you get it." 

Julian was still convinced he was right about this girl. If the bottle kids didn't run you out, he'd just take matters into his own hands. He didn't care whether or not Bubbles helped. Julian was a man of many connections, and even if he couldn't find someone else to get the job done he had no qualms with taking care of the situation himself.

"I mean, if you think that lady's dangerous then you know I'm gonna follow you Julian 'cause you got the brains and stuff behind the projector, but I just gotta let you know I'm still workin' on my grade ten so whatever idea you have you got to make sure it's not illegal 'cause I can't go back to jail, not right before Trinity's birthday. That means we can't do any property damage or breaking and entering or any shit like that." 

"I promise you Ricky we're not gonna go back to jail, we're just gonna annoy the shit out of her until she leaves. I was thinkin' maybe you and Cory and Trevor could host like a really loud party across the street tomorrow night, you know - something to keep her awake. If we get a noise complaint, we'll just shut it down, but then once the cops leave we'll start it back up again. We'll do this for a few nights until she finally decides to move out." 

"That's a pretty fucking good idea, that's smart. Plus, since it's a party we can get drunk and high."

It's 2 a.m. and that fucking party is still going. There were several times you considered calling in a noise complaint but you decided that it was a better idea to just wait it out. It had to end at some point and overall, it was never a good idea to get involved with parties like that because sometimes they got out of a hand, and you were too smart to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though when you stepped outside to 'check your mailbox' - spy on the party still going on into the early hours of the morning - you find yourself tripping over something. You stumble onto your hands and knees and it's only when you pull yourself up do you really get a good look at the man passed out by your mailbox. It's Ricky, and he's mumbling things almost incoherently. He mutters something about dope, bitches, Trinity, more bitches, Lucy, and good booze. It's a pathetic way to be, but you can't help but feel bad for you.

You use the toe of your shoe to rock his face awake. Ricky sputters before waking up in a drunk panic. He's angry and yelling incoherently, but your promise of a hot shower and a hot sandwich satiates his anger. He struggles his way through a shower, though almost slips a few times. He eats hand to mouth, chewing loudly, and drunk conversation ensues. He shares a lot with you - stuff he probably wouldn't have shared sober. He eventually passes out, not remembering much in the morning. That morning you share breakfast and a little bit about each other. He tried to hate you, he really did, but you were charismatic in a friendly way. There weren't any ulterior motives, you just enjoyed conversation.

"I don't know Julian, she seems fine to me. I mean, she's not all that bad. Her yard is pretty clean and you know, she has that pink little flamingo in her yard and honestly it's pretty fuckin' cute. I mean yeah she's kinda annoying and I hate that fuckin' southern fuckin' cowboy accent she fucking has but whatever. I think you're gettin' worked up over nothin'. You've been so busy tryna push out this lady who hasn't done nothin' wrong to you while I'm over here slavin' away watchin' after these fuckin' dope plants and tryin' to study for my grade ten all while play peepin' tom spy guy on some poor fuckin' lady." 

"You're just saying that 'cause she let you spend the night and made you breakfast."

"You know what I sure as fuck I am! She made me breakfast and kept me from sleepin' on the fuckin' ground drunk as piss and let me use her shower and shit and I didn't even have to put out! It's not like I trust her or anything like that - I didn't talk about dope or nothin' like that at all." That was the truth. "It's just at this point anything is better than fucking Cory and Trevor. I'm not sayin' you gotta like her or trust her, but she's not all that bad Julian. Maybe if you actually got to fuckin' know her like I have you'd see that you're just being a paranoid dickbag." 

"You know what Ricky, you don't anything about her. You're just seeing what she wants you to see. But I'm smart, so I see right through it -" 

"Come on Julian don't be like that -" 

"- and since nobody is going to take care of this fucking situation then I guess I'll have to." 

Julian felt like everyone around him was failing him. Nobody else seemed to feel the same way he did about your existence in the trailer park. As each day passed, Julian grew more overtly snide. When approaching Ricky and Bubbles, Julian never took the time to acknowledge you. It was obvious that he was just being an ass, so you opted to ignore it, preferring not to fight. Silence was Julian's strongest weapon. But as the days ticked by, the tension between you and Julian only seemed to mount itself higher.

It's not like you inherently disliked Julian. In fact, you liked to believe that there was good in everyone and you prided yourself in your ability to be able to pull even the toughest people out of their shell. However, Julian was no easy project. Every time you tried to approach him, he simply brushed you off. You weren't even sure that the two of you had even exchanged any greetings. He hadn't even said hello. So when trying to talk to him didn't work, you simply tried to stay out of his way. This was frustrating for Julian because what he wanted you to do was to blow up and make it a big ordeal. But you didn't. You simply kept to yourself and resumed helping others around the park without complaints. 

There were times where Julian thought about approaching you in the way Julian thinks about approaching any pretty thing in a summer dress that talks to him. But he remains strong in the face of adversity. Gone were the days of chasing anything in a dress. He had a dope business to worry about.

But sometimes the thought would creep up onto Julian ever so slowly. Sometimes, he'd get this kind of fantasy in his head - especially on the Sunday afternoons you'd spend gently pushing yourself back and forth in your rocking chair, enjoying the summer sunlight. He could think of a million ways you two could enjoy the afternoon together, but he often pushed the thought out of his head. He had a park to protect. Friends to protect.

"You know, you have some real nerve comin' up here in this trailer park and putting on a show like you're doing." 

You look up from the rocking chair you were gently pushing yourself back and forth in and offer Julian a small smile.

"So you're Julian?"

Julian can't help but be a bit enamored with your slight southern drawl. It sounds like you're somewhere from the deep southern United States - one of those more rural provinces like Texas or Alabama. He can't quite pinpoint the accent, but he secretly finds it endearing.

"And how do you know that?" 

"I mean, with how much you do for the people here it's kind of hard not to know who you are. Plus, Ricky and Lucy both never seem to shut up about you. You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say they're both in love with you or something. Also, yesterday you came to pick up Ricky and he pointed right at you and said well, there's Julian, see ya later. I just put two and two together." 

"I'm not here to make small talk, (name)." 

"Then what are you here to do, Julian?" 

There's silence. What is he here to do. There wasn't anything that he could reasonably do and he wasn't the terrorizing type if he didn't have to be. Fuck, he had even promised that his greasy trouble-causing days were over. But here he was, standing at the edge of the patio stairs, contemplating whether or not he should threaten a woman.

"I'm just here to ask you about your intentions with Ricky, that's all." 

You can't help but laugh out loud at the comment. "Oh, please. There's nothing going on between us." 

Julian knows that because if there was something going on between you and Ricky, Ricky wouldn't shut up about it and the whole park would know. But he's trying to be covert about his intent to interrogate you.

"Yeah, well . . . there better not be . . . Ricky's a good guy and I'd really hate to see him get hurt . . ." 

"Why are you really here, Julian?" 

Julian stands in silence, thoughtfully cradling his glass in his hand as he tries to come up with a clever lie - but it's hard to think when he catches a glimpse of your thighs pressed together underneath your thin summer dress. He squints and then looks away briefly.

"I just wanted to stop by and tell you more about the culture of Sunnyvale. You know, we're really tight-knit. Like family."

"I know." 

"And you know, family protects family." 

"I know." 

"And you know, I'd do anything for my family." 

"I know." 

"Anything." 

"What are you getting at?" 

"I'm not getting at anything, (name). I'm just givin' you a little more info about our park, just trying to get acquainted with you." 

"Oh, you're trying to get acquainted with me? This is the first time I've spoken to you in the month I've been living here." 

"Well, you know, I was busy with the business I'm running -" 

"- that lawn mowing business you and Ricky got?" 

Is that what Ricky is calling it? "Yeah, we've had a lot of customers so I've been having to do a lot of bookwork to keep up with the business you know. But it's been busy, so I haven't had time to talk, but now I do and I want to get to know you." 

"You want to get to know me?" 

"That's what I just said isn't it?" 

"Well I'll tell you what Julian," You push the chair backwards in thought, looking up at the bright summer sky. The sun shines in your face, warming your skin. It's a nice feeling. "If you really want to get to know me, you'll come over for dinner tonight." 

Julian wasn't going to admit it but he was excited at the prospect of dinner. The last time he shared time - much less a meal - with a woman, she ended up stealing his dope plants and lying to him about being in love. In all fairness, most people would have been wary of someone saying I love you within the first week of getting to know them, but Julian (for the most part) was a hopeless romantic. He liked the idea of a life with someone else. 

Julian told himself that this was strictly business - that he was here to set the record straight. This wasn't get-to-know-you dinner, this wasn't a date. He was just here to let you know that he wasn't going to tolerate funny business. He just happened to be wearing his nicest clean black shirt and he just happened to be wearing one of his nicer pair of jeans - the ones that didn't have the holes in them. Julian knocks on your door. The two minutes he waits for you to answer feels like an eternity but when you open the door, he's glad he's waited. 

"You got a hot date you're going to after this?" 

"What, this?" You look down at the pink summer dress you're wearing, "This is casual." You had always been the more feminine type, enjoying softer clothes and pretty dresses. Plus, unlike jeans dresses were more comfortable. You usher him inside and he obliges, being careful to not spill his drink when he steps in. 

"Dinner is served." Dinner being a massive fucking bowl of macaroni and cheese with cheap ass hot dogs. "Sorry it's not exactly the best, but -"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Julian sets his glass down. He's actually ecstatic. Macaroni and cheese and fucking hotdogs? "You know, I don't know where you're from but around here this is a five-star meal." 

You give a dry laugh. as Julian picks up his fork to eat. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm kind of new to the whole trailer park life and the whole being poor thing." 

"Oh yeah? Where are you from?" 

"Southern United States." 

"What state?" 

"Texas." 

"That's a long way from here, basically on the other side of the continent. Why'd you come up this way?" Julian tells himself that he's not trying to get to know you because he's interested in you - he's trying to get to know you to get dirt on you, to know what he's up against. 

"I needed an abortion." You answer dryly, "And even though it's been legal for some years now, no physician was wiling to perform one on me." 

"Why come to Nova Scotia? Why not just go to another state?" 

"Well, I figured things were just better here than they were there. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect by any means but it's better than where I was from. At least here I know if I need the service again, it's a little more reliably accessible. Plus, it's not like I had anywhere or anyone I could turn to. So I just kind of . . . stayed." 

"Heavy stuff." Julian sets down his fork, "Didn't have any family to turn to?" 

"No, and even if I did they're not the kind of people I'd want to be around." 

Julian could relate to that.

"So you just came to Canada for an abortion and then decided to stay? You know, when Americans come to Canada they want to go to Quebec. Nova Scotia isn't exactly on the top of the list, let alone Dartmouth. Let alone fucking Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Nobody just moves in here. Come on, (name) . . . what's the real reason why you're staying here?" 

Your mouth runs dry as you consider answering him honestly. "Well, uh . . . you know . . ." You twiddle your thumbs a bit, "I came to Canada with my passport and got my abortion and then . . . I just uh . . ." There's a long pause as your appetite disappears completely. "I didn't have anywhere to go to so I just . . . never left . . . this place was the only place that'd rent to an illegal resident . . ." 

"Holy fuck you don't have your papers?" Julian wasn't sure what kind of story he was expecting but it wasn't that. Now he feels like an asshole. "How did you get a job? How did you even afford this place?" 

"Well, I had some savings so that was a good cushion, but when that ran out I was able to find a job working as a waitress at that little restaurant just out of town. I'm not technically on the payroll, they just don't make me report my tips, and any extra money is kind of . . . earned under the table." You respond sheepishly.

God, Julian feels like such a fucking jackass for being a raging asshole to you. 

"That's . . . hard." Julian doesn't really know what else to say.

"Yeah." 

"Well, I've shared my deepest darkest secret with you. Do you want to share anything with me?" 

You and Julian talk well into the early hours of the morning, swapping life stories, funny anecdotes, and talking about all of the small things in between. Honestly, he feels at ease with you in a way he hasn't felt at ease before. The conversation flows naturally and even the silence you occasionally fall into feels comfortable. It's nearly two in the morning when you both look at the small clock hanging on your wall and realize the time.

". . . well, it's a little late . . ." You stretch in your chair, still sitting across the table from Julian. You don't really want him to go, but you've both run out of things to talk about and you still have some errands you have to run before work tomorrow. "You know, I have some things I gotta do tomorrow . . . but if you're feeling nice, maybe you can pay me back for dinner by making some for me. I'm usually too tired to cook when I get home . . . you know, only if you want to." 

It's hard for Julian to say no to that face.

"What time do you get off work?"

. . .

Julian continues to insist that he doesn't feel some kind of way, that he's just taking the opportunity to really get to know you - you know, in case you ever pose a threat - but the nightly dinner-dates seem to differ. 

"Why is it so hard to admit that you have a hard-on for (name)? It's so fucking obvious." 

"It's not like that Ricky. You know, I have somewhere to be so why don't you just fuck off and give me some fucking space?" 

"Oh yeah I know exactly where you want to be, all up in -" 

The truth of the matter was that even though Julian fantasized about it at night, truly nothing had happened. You were sweet, kind, intelligent, patient, compassionate - a truly wonderful person. And that was the problem. Normally, Julian found himself happy to jump into a relationship, but he found himself afraid of making a fool of himself. Guys like him didn't get with girls like you. Simple as that. Besides, love just wasn't in the cards for Julian. It just never worked out like that.

Tonight was yet another night of disappointment. You had lingered on Julian's doorstep after dinner, hoping that maybe he'd make a move and at least give you a kiss goodnight - but the two of you simply stood there awkwardly until he nodded, saying he was probably going to go off to bed now. It was frustrating because you thought you were sending all of the right signals. Light touches, flirtatious giggles, risque comments - the works. But yet again, you find yourself leaving empty-handed. It wasn't that you weren't satisfied with the friendship, you really liked the dynamic the two of you had. You liked that Julian showed you ways to save money, ways to spruce up the trailer home so it felt more roomy, showed you around town a bit - but it left you feeling a bit stupid because you could have sworn the two of you had something more. You could just feel it. But he never addressed it and it drove you crazy. 

You knock on the door nervously, your hands shaking.

Julian answers the door again. "What's going on?" 

"I don't want to go home just yet. This is about the time J-Roc films his adult films. Can I just sit here for thirty more minutes? He usually finishes up around one in the morning or so." 

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in. You can hang out here. I have to shower because, you know, I got somewhere to be in the morning -" Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to drop off the product with the prison guards, "- normally I'd wait up but I got some important stuff I gotta take care of tomorrow. I'm about to get ready for bed, so you can just leave whenever you're ready."

"Alright." 

You find yourself sitting awkwardly on the couch as Julian disappears into the bathroom. The trailer shakes a bit when he turns on the water and you can hear the pipes rush before the water falls like rain into the tub. You sit in silence and contemplate. You couldn't keep going back and forth like this, it'd get nowhere. He had hinted a few times at maybe having feelings. Sometimes his hand would linger on the small of your back too long when he was moving past you, or he'd stand too close to you - so close your shoulders would touch - whenever he got the chance. But nothing would ever come of it, and you were tired of it. You think about maybe joining him in the shower but that's too ballsy of a move, so you simply sit there and listen to the shower run until it's turned off. There's more shuffling and you can hear him go into his room. The hallway light turns off and the door clicks close. You should probably get going by now, but you can't bring yourself to just leave.

. . .

You feel like a psychopath drifting down the hallway. You only came down here to use the bathroom, but now you were standing at his bedroom door - contemplating whether or not you should knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Ricky, is that you? I told you to stop picking my fucking lock -" 

"No," You answer meekly, "It's me. I uh, wanted to take that book back I lent you before I went home. I didn't see it in your living room so I figured you might be keeping it in here." 

Julian stares up at the ceiling in thought. Julian is pretty book-smart and it doesn't take a genius to know the game you're running. He's been down this road a thousand times. He wants to say yes, but there's still the lingering fear of ruining the good friendship that's already there.

Julian turns his head to look at his nightstand, the small paperback book sat there. Shit, maybe you weren't playing any games.

"Yeah, give me a moment, I'll come bring it to you." 

"You don't have to go through that trouble, I'll just come get it real quick . . . if that's alright with you." 

". . . that's alright with me." 

You gently push the door open, slipping through before gently closing the door behind you. You can only see the outline of Julian's body in the dark, a few shadows illuminated by the moonlight that drifts in through the blinds. 

"It's right over here." You see the shadow of Julian's hand reach over and grab the thick book. Infinite Jest.

"I'll come get it." You pull yourself up onto the bed, you're knees on either side of his feet. Gently, you shimmy your way up, crawling over him on your hands and knees. Julian shifts a bit. Both of your breaths are heavy and as you sit yourself comfortably on his waist, you watch his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Gently, you pluck the book from his hand. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." Julian's voice is barely over a whisper.

You thumb through the thick book, landing on a page barely illuminated by the moonlight, reading the page you've thumbed to. "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." Truer words have never been spoken. Like everything in life, Julian has sunk his fingernails so deep into it he's drawn blood. He likes to pretend he can let things go, but he can't. 

Julian's hands gently grip at your hips, squeezing them softly - almost like he's afraid that if he squeezes too tight he'll hurt you. His fingers grip at your waist, gently pushing your hips backwards, guiding them in a gentle rocking motion against him. Your hips follow the movement of his hands, rocking against him with a pleased hum.

"Is that right?" Julian asks in a whisper.

"That's right." You respond gently.

"Me included?" He can't hope that you want him so bad that you'd sink your nails so deep into him that he'd never be able to leave you, even if he wanted to. And even if you wanted to leave him, he'd probably stay around and beg for you to take him back anyway.

"If you'll let me." 

If he wasn't rock hard before he's rock fucking hard now. "I want you." Julian's voice is hoarse, completely contradicting his typically firm and masculine present. He melts under you. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, Julian was a romantic and the touch of a woman he really valued meant a lot to him. His breath is labored as he guides your hips against him, "Please, I want you." 

If this were someone else in the park, it'd be a different story. Sleeping around with people in the park for Julian wasn't about emotions, it was about releasing a physical need, and when you can't keep a boyfriend sometimes you have to turn to your neighbors for some help. Everyone slept with everyone. But you're not them, this isn't just casual for Julian - he doesn't want to fuck it up. He shudders when your fingertips drag across his chest, tracing patterns and circles into his shirt as you rock against him, grinding your hips downwards to create more friction. You're a tease, you take your time, and he hates it but he loves it. Two large hands reach up to cup your breasts over your shirt gently, His hands trail downwards, over your abdomen, grabbing gently at your stomach for a short moment before finding themselves at the hem of your shirt. 

"What are you waiting for?" You ask him between small breaths, still making rhytmic riding motions. It's a softly-asked question but also a plea for action. "Please, Julian. I've wanted this since the moment I saw you." 

"God, fuck you're so fucking hot." It's like a flip switched in his head and he can't hold himself back anymore. Strong hands placed firmly on your hips flip you onto your back. Now he's on top of you, every part of him everywhere. His lips touch yours in a kiss, teeth pull at the skin of your neck, and tongue sooths the freshly bruised areas by rubbing itself on it in small circles. Like always, he can't help himself, and unlike recently, he stops wasting time.

Your shirt is the first thing to come off - Julian helps shimmy it off of you, throwing it to the side. The next thing to come off is your pajama pants, which he also tosses to the side after helping shimmy it off of you. He has half a mind to compliment the pretty color of your underwear and tell you it looks good on you, but he doesn't pay it any mind since it's about to come off anyways. His hands lift you up by the small of your back just long enough for him to unclasp your bra, letting you fall back down onto the bed. His hands hook underneath your knees, lifting them up and pushing your legs up so he can help slide your underwear easily off of your body. You're left naked under him while he remains fully clothed, lowering himself onto you before you can complain that he hasn't undressed yet.

His thumbs roll against your nipples, gently pinching and pulling at them before taking them into his mouth. Julian has never been the most gentle lover, especially when he gets excited, always eager to take matters into his own hands - but that's part of his appeal.

Kisses trail down your stomach, followed by him dragging his tongue along the skin, pushing your legs apart. He takes his time adorning your inner thighs with kisses, sucking on the skin and taking it between his teeth. He likes the way he makes you whimper and moan, it's intoxicating. But eventually the teasing becomes too much even for him, he's growing impatient, so he lends his tongue to you, circling it around your clit, strong nose pressed into sensitive skin.

Your body writhes as you feel a familiar pressure build in your abdomen, thighs tightening around his head so tight he thought he might suffocate. What a way to go that would be. Your fingers curl into his short hair, gripping and pulling at his hair while your toes curl. You whimper but that only encourages him to slowly push his thick index finger into you, followed by a second after you properly adjusted. His mouth and fingers work in tandem, his fingers curling and pressing inside of you in a come hither motion while his tongue continues to stroke your clit.

"Fuck, Julian, god, fuck -" But before you can climax, he's gone - pulling away. If Julian enjoys anything, it's edging. There's just something about bringing a woman to climax and leaving them nearly in tears that turns him on. 

"You look disappointed." Julian catches a glimpse of your lopsided frown illuminated in the moonlight, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." His shirt is pulled over his head, exposing his bare chest. When you touch the muscle, it's firm from years of consistent working-out. You trace a tattoos that look like they were done with a sewing needle and ink - probably stick and poke tattoos - but Julian frowns. He doesn't like those tattoos, he's not proud of them and he's not proud of his time spent in jail. But you only offer him an encouraging smile and place your palm over the tattoo before dragging your hand down to his belt, pulling at the buckle. Julian offers you a half-hearted smile. "Can't wait?"

Julian pushes your hand out of the way gently, taking his time to unfasten his belt and slowly pulling it through the loops. The belt is tossed to the side, along with his pants and underwear, leaving you both equals. Two hands hook themselves underneath your knees, placing your ankles on his shoulders while he uses his right hand to stroke his cock a bit, helping to harden himself up more. Sometimes the nerves just get to you.

"Holy fuck Julian you're big, you gotta be careful with that thing you're carrying a whole fucking concealed weapon -" 

Julian chuckles a bit at the comment but presses a gentle kiss to your ankles. "I'll be careful with you if that's what you're trying to say." 

The tip is pushed in slowly with great discomfort, pushing himself in. There's a stiff moment of silence as you let out a labored breath. 

"You good?" he asks.

You nod, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip. Julian takes his thumb against your bottom lip, peeling it out from underneath your teeth. His thumb drags your bottom lip down, exposing the inside of it before pushing his thumb into your mouth. Your lips wrap around his thumb, letting your tongue slide against the skin, sucking on the appendage as he pulls out just a bit, repositioning himself before he thrusts back in. Your body pushes upwards with the motion, head pressing against the headboard slightly. His thumb is still pressed in your mouth while his free hand keeps hooked underneath your knee, pushing it backwards so he can angle himself better - each thrust pushing itself deeper inside of you. Sweat coats his chest and runs down the side of his face, abdomen flexing the closer he gets to coming, but he restrains himself - wanting to ride it out for as long as he could. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." 

"Oh, God, Julian -" 

"Fuck, (name)." 

"Julian -" 

"(Name), (Name), (Name)." 

"I heard you did a real good job of running that girl out of the trailer park last night, Julian." 

"Hey, Barbara, why don't you fuck off?" 

[lantur]

updates,

I got a new green tea, cranberry nut muffin from Adagio, and it's now one of my top five favorite teas. It's a great way to start my days.

Which have been very long and busy throughout October with trying to keep on top of multiple different projects at work :/ but today's live broadcast went well and I just need to get through tomorrow's.

October was SO expensive. Everything I got (new raincoat, new hair, new insulated coat since it's cold here again, gym leggings) are things I needed that I'll get a lot wear out of over the next few years at least, but ouch.

I've been reading some amazing books lately. I just finished Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward, and Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karyl McBride. These books have been deeply moving and I wish I had found them years earlier. I highly recommend both.

I've also been loving a new podcast, Tooth and Claw: True Stories of Animal Attacks. Animal attacks are something that has fascinated me since I was a kid, and this really scratches that very particular itch to know more. The National Park After Dark podcast, which I also love, goes hand-in-hand with Tooth and Claw.

It's November! This is going to be a busy month for me. I'm taking all my time off work this month rather than December. I haven't had any time off since early June, so I'm excited. I'm going to Washington State (Seattle and Olympic National Park) with @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee and @annespelledwithane next week. ❤️ and later this month, my friend Laura and I are going to Peru to hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. We're getting back the day before my 31st birthday. :)

[knockyasocksoff2022]

The Cask of Manhasset {RANPOE} Chapter I ~ We're moving.?!

(1,203 words)

"Ranpo, Kyu, Elise! Come down here please, we have something we need to discuss with you." My Dad's voice echoes up from downstairs, the dining room probably, so that's where I go.

Sure enough, Dad and Papa are sitting at the dining table. I already know what they're going to say, but I wonder how they're going to break the news. There's a stack of atlases in front of Dad, the very ones I asked him to buy me when I figured it out.

I squirm in my seat, my fingers moving of seemingly their own accord to create a rhythm on the tabletop, impatiently waiting for them to just say it already.

A few seconds later Kyu and Elise come running into the dining room, Elise sitting in Papa's lap and Kyu in Dad's.

At last Dad begins, "So as Ranpo already knows, Rin and I have gotten a new job.I'm going to be teaching at a university in the northern United States of America, in New England, the state of Connecticut. Rin has acquired a job with the cardiology department of a nearby hospital. I'm sure you've gathered by now that we will have to move."

Kyu's eyes widen, Papa reaches over and strokes their hair, "I know this is a lot for you, but Yuki and I have already arranged everything, including the new house and your new school, Manhasset Manor Academy. It's a kindergarten through grade 12 academy, so all of you will be going to the same school together, how exciting!"

Despite Papa's genuine attempt at enthusiasm, Elise looks less than pleased, "Oh, of course, you spring this on us now! When do we go? Is the food good, what about the uniform?"

"Calm down dear, the school sent us informational packets and brochures, for each of you and you can read them and look on the website as soon as we're done here. And as for when we'll be going, well term begins in August, and Rin and I have to do some prep work before then so we'll be moving in two weeks." He gives me a small smile. Dad covers Kyu's ears in anticipation of Elise's explosion.

"WHATT!!?? Two weeks! Another country, What do you mean two---"

"Elise-chan, please calm yourself. The movers are coming to pack and move all of our furniture tomorrow, they'll ship it over so we'll already have it when we get there. Besides we've already made our decision, the paperwork has been filed for your transfer, so you may kick and scream all you want, in your room."

Papa pats my upset sister's head, "My dearest darling daughter, we truly are sorry for telling you this now but we figured it was best to wait, for this very reason, we didn't want to have you worrying for weeks and weeks. There's plenty of time to say goodbye to your friends, you can have playdates with all of them every day this week if they're free. And since you're so young I'm sure you'll make plenty of new friends in America, you speak wonderful English after all."

I translate in my head: Sorry this is out of the blue, but we didn't want to hear you whine for two months.

I sigh when I hear Papa's idea of compensation, hoping said playdates will be at the other friends' houses.

I tune out the rest of Elise's complaints as she stomps upstairs, instead flipping through the Atlases Dad pushes across the table to me. There are four. Three of the whole United States, a geographical one, an industrial one and one meant for tourists, and then one just of Connecticut with all three of those things. I'm about to take my prizes to my room but Dad stops me.

"Ranpo, we have one more thing, Rin's idea actually, and brilliant, if you ask me."

Papa blushes at Dad's comment, "I just thought, you know since you adore shiny things so much . . ." He pulls two large binders and a third, smaller one, "These are for you to collect United States Quater Dollar coins. Most of them have George Washington on them but they make special ones there, indicating national parks, the different states and famous American women. I thought you might enjoy collecting them." I can feel how wide my smile is, and he continues explaining, smiling at the confirmation that his gift is liked, "Each page is for a different quarter, it has information and a little pocket for it to go in when you find it. I figured with how much candy you buy you'll fill these up in no time."

"Thanks!"

Dad smiles, "I think you'll find you like America. They have many Holidays dedicated especially to candy: Valentine's Day, Easter, Halloween, and Christmas, well, that's more desserts but still. And Halloween in America is for all ages, you might be a touch too old for trick or treating but I'm sure if when the time comes you take Elise and Kyu, you can get some sweets as well."

(A/N: America has SOO MANY holidays related to desserts, here’s a list: Dessert Holidays - National Today)

"Sweet!" I laugh at my horrid pun.

I'm not scared of America at all, I can't stop smiling as I take my books and binders upstairs. I'll have to pack them away soon but I can still enjoy them for a bit.

I do have some American money sent to me by an online friend, whom I haven't talked to in ages after they suddenly stopped answering me, but it's just a 100-dollar bill and some quarters, none of which fit the criteria for the map. I keep them safely away anyway, already anxious to leave for their land of origin.

(A/N: since 100 yen is so little (about 0.69 US Dollars) Ranpo has no idea that 100 dollars is a significant amount. Is anyone surprised, I mean he doesn't know how to ride a train.)

-

I wake up to the sound of my alarm! EWWW!!! 

"I thought I unplugged you!" I yell at it as I turn it off.

"You did." I jump, I hadn't heard my father's steps over my alarm, "I'm the one who plugged it back in, but it's only for today. The movers will be here after lunch, they're going to do the big packing and load out boxes into their truck but you need to put away all of your smaller items. I'll be helping your siblings but if you need help with breakable ones Rin is packing away the kitchen items."

"Kay."

He looks surprised but goes on his way anyway.

It's true, normally I'd hate doing something like this, but this isn't cleaning, it's packing, this is an adventure and I can't wait to get started.

I finish fairly quickly, until only my shampoo and conditioner (which we'll have to throw out when we leave), my toiletries, and the clothes I can fit into my two suitcases are left. The emptiness is strangely satisfying.

Elise, Kyu, and I have lunch out on the patio as the movers pack our lives into their trucks. I smile at the thought of part of me being in America before I am. Elise doesn't share my sentiment and scowls at her omurice, poking it angrily with her fork.

I bet she'll change her mind.

[valparzjournal]

Hey friends ~.~

It's been a while. Work has been busy and fucking stressful. We are prepping the kids for the upcoming state assessments. We have less than a month and we have to meet so many kids for tutoring. We need to start working on plans to attend Saturdays. It's been a thing. We are planning our glow theme week to make things really fun for the kids.

I actually had a a really normal day yesterday. I don't want to say normal but it was one of the days that I didn't worry about having a panic attack, not a lot of anxiety, not having intrusive thoughts or fears. I was present and had so much fun with my coworkers. We had a professional development day and it was good. We were productive and had a fun team building project. I needed that type of connection with them because when we get together in lunch, we just talk about work work work. Which is not our fault but it is what it is. Lunch was fun too! My coworker and I were jamming out to One Direction and omg we were having so much fun. it was just a wonderful day.

My anxiety did kick in later in the afternoon though. To be honest, despite the crazy outside of mind thoughts Im having, I know that I'm getting better. I think I have known but I had to take off the training wheels off my bike to know what I'm capable of. For example, I thought my family dog, Maxine, was helping me in some way with my mental health but she was low key stressing me out and not letting me sleep which affected my anxiety. I say family dog because she lives with my mom and I bring her in when my husband leaves for work so I don't feel so alone. She helped me get outside to take her for a walk so that did help with my lab numbers lol. But I really want to start walking by myself after work. My husband left this past Wednesday for a few days and he said not to bring back Maxine because were were planning to have his mom here for spring break but she changed her mind last minute. I was nervous about not having Maxine but I know that this is happening for a reason. I do miss her a lot though.

I'm gonna talk about three more growths and then make my lunch lol. I haven't had a session in two weeks which is fine because my therapist was sick and we had conflicting schedules. That made me nervous too but then again I've been wanting to start bi weekly sessions. I know I can text her if I need her. She is great about that. <3

In the beginning of my recovery in in September, I bought play-doh to help me with my anxiety but I was so hyper focused about smells and how i thought it will give me panic attacks, I ended up giving the play-doh to my students bc it had a smell. *face palm* but it's valid lol. So yesterday during the team building project with my coworkers, we had to build a tower with uncooked spaghetti and play-doh. I was excited. I was like "oh my god, let me smell it. *smells it with delight* It's so nostalgic." Then 20 minutes within the project, it clicked that "oh shit, i used to be scared to be near play-doh." I feel awesome about it.

My next thing is that I drove with someone in the passenger seat. For some reason, i get more anxious when I have someone one in the passenger seat. One time in October, I picked up my coworker because her car was in the shop. I said yes with confidence but I was anxious as hell. I just told her that I won't be able to talk or anything lol. Well yesterday, a colleague was looking for her truck in the parking lot (it's a long story) and she asked if I could give her a ride around the area to find it. I said yes with no problem and we drove around and then it clicked that I had someone in the passenger seat and we were having a conversation and I'm like omg I have had growth haha.

I'm proud of myself. Please keep going, it's gets better with good change. <3

[dzpenumbra]

1/23/23

Man, I'm hungry, I've been snacking all day. Just grabbed some cheetos popcorn. It's not very good, to be honest, and it's not really food, to be honest, but it's something.

Ugh, I was trying to track my brain back a bit, it was like I was writing my journal entry as I was walking to the kitchen. This brain-mode is so automatic for me now. It's insane how useful this kind of training is for like... being cognitive of your thought processes. Allowing yourself to think freely and to watch how the thoughts branch and tangent. Mindfulness, I guess. Being aware of your thoughts and engaging in them fully. Rather than just being on autopilot your whole life, I guess. Or letting others think for you...

I was thinking about how I was up until like 5 last night, and how I was looking at the website of a Unitarian Universalist church in town. I've been considering going and seeing what it's about, with the intentions of meeting a community of like-minded people. I've never been part of any form of congregation at any point in my life. The first time I tried to join a spiritual group, my parents started prying their way back into my life and lost their shit on me... sending me spiraling out of my studies and eventually just abandoning it. I never finished my entry process, which was a something I was really excited about. At some point that summer... maybe before, maybe after, I'm not sure... I tried to go to a Jewish temple in my old town on Passover. I had been studying the Bible a bit, specifically Genesis, and exploring Judaism as well. I was aware that Passover had a big component about like... opening your doors to your community and shit, it was like a whole part of the ceremony. And I'm 1/4 Jewish by blood so... I thought it would be okay if I showed up. They had a $20 door charge, which I thought was odd, but whatever. I dug up some cash from around my house. When I got there, my "friend" from the state mental health retreat called me, like right when I was pulling into the parking lot. She was threatening suicide. I was on the phone with her in the parking lot, chain-smoking in my running car for the entire ceremony. I remember seeing people walk by and just waving at them as I was on the phone. Someone there called the cops on me. I had to go and talk to them. It was kinda humiliating, and kinda infuriating. A mix of weird emotions, especially after having to talk someone out of taking a bunch of pills with their intention being getting themselves so close to death that they ended up in the ER, but not so close that they actually die. (She was a nurse, she had been practicing and perfecting this form of emotional manipulation for decades.) I told the cops everything, very bluntly. They looked like they got the wind knocked out of them. They suggested I get a job working at a residential treatment center (I ended up attending one, but they were absolutely right, I should have worked there instead) and offered that I could come by their station and chill with them sometime. I really wish I had taken them up on that, but by the time I finally called to follow up on that a few months later, both officers no longer worked in my town, they transferred out. I guess the working conditions were just shit in the town, constantly understaffed and constantly dealing with people who just... like no one liked them and no one talked to them like people. Which is probably why they actually liked interacting with me, I treated them like neighbors. Because they were.

Christ, I went off on one there. So... my spiritual group experience has been. Bad. To say the least. But this place does online sermon things too, so I was thinking about checking out a livestream today. But the stream was at 10AM and I went to bed at... 5... So I said fuck that. XD

Also, what I was thinking about earlier, this church has some weirdly worded policies. Here, I can just copy paste it to show where I'm coming from. Meh, never mind, too complicated. Let's just say they have an entire tab on their site devoted to "Justice" and social justice stuff. And... I'm honestly not too sure how I feel about that. That is to say... I don't feel very good about that. Okay, fine, here's the thing that got me - "journeying toward spiritual wholeness by working to build a diverse multicultural Beloved Community by our actions that accountably dismantle racism and other oppressions in ourselves and our institutions." Okay, so your goal is not to build a community of like... whoever shows up... but to specifically make it multicultural? Just... because? Even if it doesn't naturally form that way? What then? "Dismantle racism" was the thing that got me. Like... oppression in general could easily be used right there, it's weird to me that racism is singled out other than the fact that it's like... "trending" lately. Okay, I'm thinking too fast, let me just show how I would feel more comfortable reading this. "Journeying toward spiritual wholeness by working to build a Beloved Community through our actions which seek to dismantle oppressions within ourselves." Or, you know... "We find spiritual wholeness and loving community by practicing the expression of compassion to all." Like... the rest of it really... just feels like a political activism statement.

Like... maybe they've had a lot of discussions about how they're primarily white? Maybe they've gotten shit for it? I don't know. It's just weird to me to even bring race into the picture when you're talking about the spirit. Like... why is this even a discussion, like of course you're not going to get turned away because of your skin color, good lord, it's 2023. Why would you? Do you need to add to your policies that your preachers aren't going to molest peoples' kids too? Or that you won't try to rescue the Americas from the evils of heathenry? "We take a very firm stance against blah blah." Like. Ugh. It just feels like giving power to the wrong people, and all because of fears that... in these cases... are clearly unsubstantiated. "We're going to devote ourselves to eliminate prejudices that were not there in our people, just so that everyone knows very clearly that we are not racist just because we are a primarily white spiritual group, and people who assume that we are... are toooootally not being paranoid and racist themselves... Toooootally..." Others' suspicions that they may be innately racially biased because they are primarily white... is... racism... It's assuming that a primarily white spiritual group would be prejudiced against other races. That assumption is a discrimination made against a specific racial group, based on extrapolated observations made from others in that racial group in the past. It's literally giving a voice to racist fears. Through their own policies.

I don't like talking politics because I don't like being involved in them. Too much debate, not enough discussion. Too many people get drawn to that part of societal effort seeking conflict. For the adrenaline, for the endorphins; for the fight, for the win. There's no glory in sitting at the U.N. and peacefully discussing a trade deal. Fuck no. We need to educate them, we need to show them who's right. I've had enough conflict for a lifetime. My work in making change in society takes the form of leading by example, not yelling at people, shoving shit in peoples' faces, holding signs or lobbying for change. That just not my style. I'd rather tell a story, or paint a picture, or sing a song, and let that tale speak for itself. Show, not tell. Let others come to their own conclusions, rather than tell them what to think or what to do. That's just... how I do things. Because I see anything more than that as... forceful. And I'm in no mood for gladiator fights anymore. I understand that good things have come from those methods before, I understand that others prefer those methods, that's fine, the world needs all kinds. I'm just not really looking to stand on a corner holding a sign when my heart isn't in it, and when I'm not there for that reason.

And, to be completely blunt, a politically active religious group is something that... I don't entirely feel comfortable about. As I related above. What I changed was the outward focus of the group's mission. The overlap of religion (church) and politics (state) is something that... I just... don't really like seeing? It just kinda feels uncomfortable? I don't think it's too far out there to think that. And it seems like politics, social justice and social activism is a big component of this group. So... I've been having second thoughts.

I'm more looking for a community of open-minded spiritual people who are focused on looking inward than outward. Who are focused on becoming better people in levels much more... foundational than contemporary politics. Like instead of focusing on systematic eradication of discrimination in institutions... focusing on exploring all of our individual prejudices, and why they are there in the first place? Are they judgements of entire groups or judgements of individuals? Are these strokes a bit too broad? Could these broad strokes lead to me treating someone in my life unfairly? I don't know if that all makes sense, but that's just kinda where I'm at. Less commandments, more contemplation and collaborative discussion. So it kinda feels like this group might not be for me. I'm looking for a much more Zen or Taoist centric kinda thing. But I'm not sure if there are any temples nearby.

So yeaaaaahhhh... yoga was brutal in all the right ways today. A lot of strength exercise which was actually really nice. Fired up Rimworld and recorded over 8 hours of footage... Yep. I really hope I'm actually using this footage because that's a LOT of harddrive space... And I weaved more of the necklace. Small edit here, I don't think the weaved part is going to be for the necklace anymore. The weave is just too wide and unwieldy. I think I'm going to make it a bracelet and do something different for the necklace. <shrug> No loss really, just adjustments.

That was pretty much the day honestly, not much happened. Watched Twitch, chinese leftovers, weaved while recording Rimworld. That's about it. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting. I have been thinking about going back to the Habitat for Humanity place and looking for wood to use for making a table or bookcase. I have a hacksaw and a vice, I think I'll be able to... you know... I just tested my desk's stability and it wobbled like fuck. I don't know if I can saw wood on this thing.

I'm just gonna vent here a sec. I've been here for like a month and a half. I still don't have furniture. My only request has been for real wood furniture and nothing too expensive. Not composite wood. Not from an outlet store. And for some reason this is just... complicated. And every time I try to entertain the idea of doing it myself... it just goes south. It's just a chain of problems. So I go "okay, why don't I just order table legs, then I just need wood for the top, right? I have wood planks and a hacksaw in my apartment. "Okay, what do you clamp it to? Wobbly desk or work bench that you also do not have and has been on your 'need to get' list for like 2 months?" Not a lot of options. It just frustrates me so much that I just go, "welp, I guess I'm just stun-locked." And I wander off to something else. Ugh, maybe I just need to think about this when I'm not so overwhelmed. And bump the work bench higher up the list.

Okay, I'm tired. Sleep time.

[edgyxd06]

Since you guys said yes I'm going to explain Paul's background ^^

Paul was born during in the 1980s on June 10th he was born on California he was born in the hospital as well

Pops and Helen had names to prepare to give birth to their child

If he was a boy they name him Paul

Pops actually came up the name Paul actually

If he's a girl they will name him Harmony

But he ended up being a boy that's why they name him Paul

Paul lives in the park house with pops and Helen but Mr maellard ask pops to shelter his son and never go outside of the park like in the city or town Paul only roams in the park only he cannot go to the city or town if he wanted too that's why he's curious about the outside world mostly when he was child pops and him sometimes bond together to see planets and starts on pop's telescope outside of the park house

In the maellard family some of Paul's cousins are kinda sometimes mean to him because he really look alike pops he even act childish sometimes when he's too excited or too happy fact he doesn't even want to talk to his cousins in his father's side but in his mother side he loves his cousins Because they are nice to him and fact they almost crash the motorcycle on the street light when they are pranking some peoples houses pops even grounded him because of that incident same with his cousins on his mothers side fact they are on the Philippines with that incident

Sometimes Paul feels lonely when he's at his room he actually distracts himself to think that he's lonely by making art works

In elementary school he's mostly got bullied by other kids by being different than them because he's a lollipop like his parents pops and Helen mostly homeschooled him to prevent him to have a horrible life

When he was in highschool he's free to roam around in the city or town but he has a time limit to do so

This is the time that he have a toxic relationship with his ex girlfriends

His first ex girlfriend was when he was in 9th grade and she manipulated him just to get his money and Paul loves her dearly and when Paul discovered that she's manipulated him to get his money they broke up

The second ex girlfriend when Paul was in 10th grade basically his second girlfriend is a spoiled brat and Paul spoiled her and love her dearly but she wants Paul's money and Paul decided to broke up with her because how mean she is

The third girlfriend is where Paul get a lot of trauma for she mostly manipulated him so badly she even hits him and slaps him and even punch him if he dont give her money she even force Paul to marry her of they are done with high school and fact she's rich too like Paul and her father even scare pops and Mr maellard if Paul doesn't marry his daughter he will demolish the park if Paul doesn't marry her Paul even confess to marry her because she manipulated him to do so In the altar Paul said no to the priest on the wedding day and cried and run away and go to the park where he wants to calm down and his ex girlfriend found him and beats him up for not marrying her he got injured badly and calls for help luckily Benson and skips are on the park and heard Paul's voice and skips holds Paul's ex girlfriend down and Benson calms Paul down and call an ambulance immediately and pops and Helen and Mr maellard arrived at the park seeing Paul badly injury this is when pops gets so pissed same with Mr maellard they even yell at the ex girlfriends father to get out of the park and they are not afraid when he wants to demolish the park down they will call the cops if they said so meanwhile Paul got into a coma for a 1 month because how his ex beats him up so badly pops even cried on Paul's hospital bed and Helen comforted pops and calm him down few minutes later paul wakes up and cried and hugged his father pops because how so badly hurt he in his physical and mental state this is when pops ask Paul to take a break from relationships and be single for awhile and Paul agreed but now he's afraid to talk to girls because of that trauma he been through

When Paul's at college he attended art school and met Mordecai they become friends and Mordecai drop out of art school Paul feels sad and 4 years later he graduated art school and he sometimes do art commissions for people by just calling him on the phone

When Benson and pops hired Mordecai and Rigby to the park Paul remembered Mordecai from art school and gets along with them so much Mordecai even introduced his best friend Rigby to Paul and the three of them got close together when Mordecai and Rigby and Paul cause a lot of not normal things in the park like when monsters or supernatural things came mostly Benson grabbed Paul and make him cover his ears and then yells at Mordecai and Rigby

Basically Paul and Mordecai and Rigby are more like a trio in his universe

In season 7 in my au Paul saw a girl wants a job and same species as him a lollipop and she got hired by Benson and pops and her name was Emily and Paul started to have feelings for her Mordecai and Rigby even told him that it's love at first sight and Paul remembered the trauma with his last ex girlfriend and decided not talk to Emily because how traumatized he is but he kept his feelings for her he's mostly a simp to Emily like Mordecai to Margret and Rigby also call Paul and Mordecai simps

In Rigbys graduation day Paul helps the park crew for Rigbys graduation he even helps Mordecai to gets Rigbys favorite drink caffeine he's with skips, pops, Benson and muscle man and high five ghost at Rigbys graduation day and when they got ordered by scientists to go back to the park and all of them same with Helen and Emily pressed the button and flew up to space and Paul realized that he's in space with Emily and with the park gang also

That's all of Paul's background ^^

^^ And this Alternate universe of regular show takes place in season 8 ^^

[crimsonwolfie]

A Love Like In The Movies - Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Prompt: You (the reader) have had a crush on Stiles, your best friend, since forever. Only...he likes the popular girl, Lydia...or so you thought.

Warnings: tinges of sadness, loneliness and a hint of heartbreak...but a ton of fluff :)

Word count: 3,071

masterlist

You tug at your bag, shoving about 3 books in at once in an attempt to be out of class as soon as the bell rings. Walking with your head down and hands clasping your bag up, you harshly bump into the new kid Henry, knocking him to the floor along with all his books and your papers....clearly you never remembered why your nickname was ‘Wobbly Whittmore’.

“Oh my gosh, i’m so sorry!” You utter with one hand on your mouth and the other helping him up off the floor. He stares up at you with a dazed look and a small smirk, watching you help scramble up his papers and books.

“It’s chill, don’t worry”

You look up at him with a shy smile, clearly embarrassed for your clumsiness. “It’s not, honestly i’m so sorry. You haven’t even been here for a week and already you’ve been practically beaten up..” you shake your head “that usually happens at least 3 months in” you wink at him, laughing lightly. Henry laughs back whilst collecting more papers from the floor.

As you both sigh, your hands collide briefly. It was just for a moment...but it made you feel something. At first it was shock, but then something you’ve wanted to feel for so long...just with someone else...Stiles. Henry’s eyes dart up at you, his cheeks heating up slightly.

“I...sorry i should get going” he quickly adverts his gaze and gets up, picking up what’s in his hands “how many people can say they’ve encountered the nice Whittmore in their first week, huh?”

“Oh god you know about my brother already?” you huff, handing him his books “Some friendly advice since you’re obviously a decent guy...stay far away from him.” You laugh, once again feeling embarrassed for being related to...well...Jackson.

“Yeah he has a...well...a reputation so to speak. Thanks again, see you around, Y/N”

“Later Henry!”

Walking through the halls you can’t help but think of Stiles. He’s adorable, cute, beautiful, funny, smart, geeky but in the best way, kind, gentle...the list quite literally goes on forever. But in all the time you’ve known him...he’s always liked Lydia. The girl who your brother used to date. Since they broke up, Stiles has never been so smitten. Sure, she’s gorgeous and actually really nice...but she’s who he likes...she’s not you. I mean, you never know...he could like you. You’ve never actually mentioned it to him. But then if you do, and he turns you down, you’d be crushed... completely!

“Hey Y/N!” Stiles appears from around the corner of the lockers, making you jump a little.

“Jesus Stiles, don’t do that!” You hiss as you hold your hand over your heart. He throws his head back giggling. ‘God how cute he looks when he’s happy’ the little voice in your head says.

“You up for a movie marathon after school? I got your favourites...” he moves closer

“Harry Potter?!” You squeal, clapping your hands together 

“Only the best for the best” he smiles with all teeth showing. You silently fist pump the air as he holds his hand out for you to high five him, which you do. Your hands hover in the air, skin hot to the touch, until he breaks apart and places his hands in his pockets.

“I’ll go and find Scott and ask if he’s in. Knowing him, he’ll want to bring Allison and with Allison comes...”

“Lydia” you sigh

“Yes! She’s just so brilliant, isn’t she?” Stiles hummed, his face cheeky and merry like a child eating ice cream. You tried to hide the hurt with a faint smile, because seeing Stiles so happy just warmed your heart. You didn’t want to be the one to ruin it.

“What’s up Y/N/N?” Stiles’ smile faded into a frown, concern painted across his perfectly honeyed eyes. Seeing this, you can practically feel your heart drop.

You fiddle with the rings on your fingers as your soft Y/H/C hair slips in front of your face. “What? No...nothing. Rough day that’s all-”

“HEY Y/N” You look up to see Henry running towards you with one arm stretched out towards you, the other holding his bag strap. “You left this, when we spoke earlier” he hands you a pile of papers, all with your name on.

“Oh, my god...I’d be totally screwed if I didn’t have this for tomorrow’s math class. I’m so sorry. They must have got mixed up with your papers” you take the papers out of his hand and shove them into your bag, smiling shyly at both boys staring at you. “Thanks Henry, you saved my math grade” you laugh, causing Henry to blush and bite his lip ever so subtly, placing his hand on your arm and squeezing it playfully.

“No worries, Y/N. I’ll see you around” he winks at you, earning a frown from Stiles. 

“Who’s that geezer?” He remarks, his face furrowed with a mix of both dislike and anger. Little did you know, Stiles didn't like seeing other guys flirt with you. He began to feel this deep pit in his stomach, his blood beginning to boil. 

You turn to face Stiles, pushing your hair back behind your ear. Sheepishly you pat him on the shoulder “i’ll see you at 3? Parking lot?”

“Yeah, sure.” He replies hesitantly, fidgeting with the rim of his flannel. You notice something’s got him wound up but decide it’s probably just him nervous to spend time with Lydia and continue to walk down the hall, making your way to health class.

━━━━━━━━

All throughout the rest of your classes for the day, you just felt empty. Nothing but heartbreak, emptiness, loneliness. Thoughts of him and Lydia snuggling up in blankets whilst eating popcorn and watching the movie kept bubbling around your brain. You tried to snap out of it, but nothing would work. You thought about just cancelling on the meet after school, knowing it would be way less painful. ‘They probably wouldn’t even notice I'm gone’ you thought. Your mind was like a prison that you couldn't escape...

“this must have been what Sirius Black felt like for 12 years” you mutter under your breath, not caring who heard. Sounds of faint chattering, pencils scribbling and the monotone voice of Mrs Rawlings can be heard around you, but none of it distracts your train of thoughts. Just begging for some sort of peace, you crash your head into your arms on the table.

“Hey, Y/N” you felt a gentle nudge on your forearm and look up to see Scott staring down at you, his hand on your arm. “What’s up with you dude? And who’s Sirius Black?”

You sigh with an overly dramatic eye roll, unwillingly plucking up enough strength to say once again that you’re ‘fine just a bit tired that’s all’...

“Tired.” is all you can spit out before shoving your head back into your arms. Little did you know, Scott could sense what you were feeling...I mean you didn't lie - he sensed tiredness...just mentally. Along with hurt, pain and loneliness.

“You sure? Well maybe after school you’ll feel better. Say, d’you reckon Allison likes...I don’t know...flowers? I... I was going to get her a bunch before I pick her up to go to Stiles’” You felt your tears drop into your sleeves, soaking both your jumper and your face as Scott continued. “Do girls like flowers? I’d ask Lydia but I'm closer with yo...”

“Yeah flowers whatever.” you mutter without lifting your head up.��Scott scrunched his face, his brows furrowing. Usually, you were so much more supportive and excited for him - heck you were even more excited than him when you found out about him and Allison! You guys always told each other everything. ‘Something is definitely going on’ he thought to himself. He decided it was best to not say much more right now since he was already on a report in Mrs Rawlings’ class.

Just as Scott was about to hand you a note in class, the final bell rang. Instantly you popped up and grabbed your books, practically sprinting out of the door. Scott tried to stop you, but was called behind class by the teacher. You knew he was going to follow you, that's why you ran. No matter what, he couldn't see you like this, otherwise he wouldn’t drop it and would demand to know who hurt you - how could you tell him it was his own best friend?! As you’re jogging, you bump into the one person you wanted to avoid...

“Woah, slow down there cowgirl” Stiles holds your shoulders with his hands, his grip firm and comforting. He takes one look at you and notices your wet, blotchy eyes. You hang your head low in an attempt to hide your face from him...clearly it doesn't work.

“Hey, hey, hey! What’s up? Who hurt you?! his smile fades drastically upon seeing the state you were in. Obviously you weren't going to tell him, so you just decide to make up something...

“I failed my health class for the semester”

“Y/N it’s not the end of the world, you can always retake!” he sighs

You turn over to him with your hands in the air, shaking your head. “No you don’t un...you know what, Stiles? I can’t come over later. I’m sorry.” 

He steps back in surprise, both hands leaving your shoulders and grabbing his bag straps around his arms. Suddenly, you feel angry at him...though you instantly regret snapping at him. “i...I’m sorry” is all you can stutter as you run out the door, leaving Stiles standing there wondering what he did wrong, for what felt like hours, until Scott saw him.

“dude what're you doing? We got a marathon to start” he smacks Stiles on the back full pelt, leaving Stiles to stumble a bit.

“Have you spoken to Y/N today?” he asks, his voice trembly, quiet.

“Of course I have. Why, haven’t you?” The alpha replies

“No I have, it’s just...she was upset and i tried to help but she just...” he trails off   as Scott steps closer, Stiles’ eyes dull.

“She just what?” he asks, his voice calm and gentle

“She said she failed health class...”

“Wait, no that's not true - I got pulled behind class today because Mrs Rowlings wants me to have a tutor for health class and suggested Y/N since she’s acing everything!?” Scott explained. Stiles jerked his head, brows furrowing once again.

“Wait what?” his hand flew to his forehead as he leaned against the lockers beside him. “She snapped at me. I think I did something, Scotty...but I don’t know what. She’s been distant for a while now ever since Jackson and Lydia broke up, and I mean I know that her brother hates us but I just didn't think Y/N would choose her brother over us or me and i...”

“Stiles, stop.” Scott grabs both of Stiles’ shoulders and makes direct eye contact with him. “Listen, okay? I think I know what’s up”

“You do?” Stiles’ eyes brightened insantly. He knew something was wrong with his best friend and he knew he would do anything to fix that.

“She likes you, dude. Really likes you. And I thought you would have figured that out by now...she’s always doodling your name in class and covers it whenever someone passes by. Plus, she talks about you all the time.” Scott understood why you had been distant, and he didn’t blame you.

Stiles’s cheeks flushed a bright shade of red as a smile began appearing. His heart started pounding quicker than Quicksilver in the X-Men films, butterflies swarming around his stomach and ribcage. “Seriously? Then why is she distancing herself from me?”

“Because she still thinks you’re in love with Lydia...her heartbeat quickens when she’s with you, or when you guys touch in some way” Scott’s tone becomes more serious, which is unusual for Scott. Typically, he’s always goofy around Stiles so clearly he meant what he was about to say next... “But when you’re with Lydia, her mood changes. I can sense it...It’s sort of sad, lonely...” his face melts just thinking of all the times he’s felt that same pain. “You gotta tell her how you feel, Stiles. Tonight.”

“But I can’t...she’s not coming!” Stiles replies with a croaky voice.

“Then you go to her!” Scott replies, his eyes wide with hope and his hands pressing on Stiles’ back, pushing him towards the door “go now, dude!” Stiles picks up his pace and jogs to the door, one hand gripping his bag strap and the other fiddling with his keys in his pocket. “And let me know how it goes” Scott shouts as Stiles leaves the building.

━━━━━━━━

As you reach your front door, you feel a tear trickle down your cheek. All you could think of was Stiles. How he would, at this moment, be snuggling and giggling with Lydia. You have nothing against her, in fact you are actually really fond of her, but it breaks your heart to know you aren't the one who can make the boy you love, fall for you. A pain runs through your chest as you slam the door shut, your breathing wheezing. Leaning against the door, you slide down...completely breaking down.

“Why doesn’t he look at me that way?” you mutter to yourself, head in arms as your cheeks soak into your sleeves. “All I've ever done is try and make him happy, try and make him realise how incredible he is...and he still doesn't see me the same way”

Nose sniffling, eyes red, head fuzzy, hands shaking and top wet...you get up. ‘You did the best thing. It was the right decision to stay home’ you think, knowing it would have just ruined your friendship if you told him how you felt. And anyway, you wanted him to be happy. And clearly, that wasn't with you...

You ran upstairs and changed into a comfy pair of joggers and an oversized top, chucking your slippers on and grabbing a blanket before heading back downstairs. If you couldn't join their movie night - you’d have your own! 

Snacks and a drink were sitting on the table beside you on the sofa, with the television on ready and curtains closed. Just as you had got yourself in a comfy position, the doorbell rang. You grunted, kicking the blanket off your legs and dragging yourself towards the front door. Opening it, you felt your breath escape you. It was Stiles, standing at the door, with a bouquet of beautiful flowers in his hands. His hair was messy as if he’d run his fingers through it a thousand times, his cheeks were flushed brighter and pinker than bubblegum, looking as if he was out of breath from rushing somewhere. You go to say something, but before you had the chance, Stiles speaks, “Hi! I uh....I didn’t know whether you were mad at me or whether you were just having a rough day but it seemed like you were mad at me so I wanted to see if you were okay and uh...I got you these” His arms stretched to give you the flowers, his face ridden with nerves. You looked down at the flowers and then back up to Stiles’ face.

“Why would you think i was mad at you?” You questioned, brows furrowing at the confusion of what was happening. “These are gorgeous, thanks Stiles” you coo with a smile on your face, taking the flowers from Stiles’ hands. As you grab them, your hands touch Stiles’, causing your cheeks to flush and your heart to flutter. Stiles’ own cheeks flushed at the touch of your hands, too.

“You seem distant with me lately. And Scott told me why...” he begins, fingers fidgeting with the rim of his checkered shirt “I like Lydia...” he trails off.

Upon hearing these words, you feel your heart drop. Mouth dry and sadness creeping into your mind, you feel clouded with emotions and thoughts. Why would Stiles come over, give you flowers and then declare his love for Lydia? “Yeah I kno...” you begin until he cuts you off,

“She’s my friend. And she’s amazing...but she doesn’t wait for me after classes. She doesn’t call me to check in once in a while. She doesn’t do anything in her power to make sure I'm happy or know I'm loved...” his beautiful brown eyes stared lovingly into yours, your heart lifting and beating faster with each sentence he says...

“She doesn’t know me, and I mean the real me...the one who suffers with anxiety, who needs a nightlight and needs constant reassurance on even the simplest things” you smirk at the mention of a nightlight because, well, you were the one who actually got it for him...because you knew he wasn't doing too good. “She is my friend, Y/N, but she isn’t my best friend. And I like her, but I don’t love her...because I love you. It’s always been you”

There’s a soft wind that blows between you both, causing you to shiver and shake with both excitement and chills. Stiles’ eyes glittered in the sunlight like an ocean surface in summer, tears welling in them. You bit your lip which trembled with an overcoming emotion of happiness as you leant forward and grabbed him, cupping his face in your soft hands and bringing your lips to his in a desperate yet passionate way. Feelings of euphoria and desire filled both of your hearts like a fire burning bright, lips moving sweetly in sync as in destined for one another. His hands wrap around your waist as you bring your hands through his hair. Nothing felt more perfect than this moment...all your worries gone and your heart fuller than ever before because the boy who holds your heart, who has held your heart for years, is finally in your arms. Stiles’ warmth radiates onto your cheeks as you smile into the kiss, earning a smile from Stiles, too. Breaking away to breathe, you both look down and giggle, hands intertwining with Stiles rubbing circles on your palm with his thumb.

You look up at him, smiling, as you speak “I...I love you too”. Stiles coos as he pulls you closer to him to break the gap now between you both, “I gathered” he laughs, kissing the top of your forehead affectionately. “So, how about that marathon?”

Hope you guys like it! x

[andmyvape]

"Please tell me you're not wearing that."

Elayn looked down, then back up with a wide grin. She tugged at her bright rainbow suspenders with her thumbs. "What, not tacky enough?"

Serana gave the ensemble another slow scan. "No, it's… definitely tacky. The combat boots with the khaki shorts is a nice touch."

The grin got wider as she stuffed her hands into her pockets. "They're going to be throwing candy, and I wasn't anywhere near prepared enough last time."

Serana rolled her eyes, but softened it with a smile. "You're ridiculous."

"Isn't that why we're dating?" her girlfriend asked as they headed out the door.

She took a moment to lock up while Serana laughed. "'Careless Whisper' on a boom box outside my window. I can't believe my dad didn't kill you. I know you stole that, by the way. We both went to see that movie when it came out."

"They marketed it as a romcom!" Elayn protested.

They were in the car now. It would be a trick to find parking, but they were running early thanks to Serana's habit of scheduling everything. Elayn was more the type to go with the flow, but living together had her adapted enough that the flow she went with was largely dictated by Serana's schedule. As a research chemist, she worked interesting hours at times, but Elayn was a good roommate, she cooked and cleaned, mostly because she had the time. Lacrosse wasn't a well paying sport compared to something like soccer, but the off seasons gave her plenty of time to maintain their loft. 

"Five dollars an hour?" Elayn griped as the machine printed out their ticket. 

"Homophobia strikes again," Serana said with mock solemnity. 

She snorted and wrapped an arm around her girlfriend's waste. "Which park did you say this thing started in again?" 

It was a little place surrounded by tall buildings, but it was a green patch in a city largely made out of grey. It being Pride Month, the grey was broken up by rainbows. The two wandered around as they waited for the parade to start. 

Well, at least, they started to wander when Elayn caught sight of a dog and all but dragged her girlfriend over to say hi. 

"What's his name?" she asked, so full of enthusiasm she practically floated. "Can I pet him?" 

The dog's owner, someone with a short haircut in a crop top that was orange, yellow, and white striped, nodded. "If he lets you. Sometimes he's not so-- oh gosh," they said, eyes wide as they watched Elayn kneel down and offer a hand to sniff that was immediately accepted. "You must have good vibes." 

"She's a dog person," Serana said with a laugh as the dog put its front paws on Elayn's shoulders so he could lick her face. 

"What's his name?" she asked through slobbery kisses. 

The butch grinned. "That's Duke, I'm Cas. It's nice to meet you!" 

The two introduced themselves just in time for a volunteer to come up with bottles of water. "Our city got voted best water in the state," she said cheerfully. "Take a few, it's gonna be a hot one." 

Before the march, there were speeches. The first was an introduction to the city's first pride parade since the 80s. The second was from a drag queen inviting everyone to the show later that night. Finally, the speeches were closed by an Episcopalian pastor trying to make up for the rest of Christianity's sins. 

"It's starting!" Elayn said excitedly when the crowd started to funnel out of the park. 

The march went down the sidewalk for a few blocks. Traffic was halted and the waiting cars honked while passengers waved. Elayn waved a lesbian flag, Serana had a bi flag, and the two of them dragged a rainbow striped cooler. 

"Mom! Mom!" Elayn heard behind her. "Look, it's two cicadas going at it!" 

She glanced behind her. There was a set of twins, about twelve years old, one of them draped in a trans flag and holding the cicadas that were indeed trying to reproduce. Elayn snorted and hit herself in the face trying to keep a laugh contained. "You like bugs, huh?" 

The girl in the trans flag beamed. "They're my favorite! Well, except for tarantulas, but Mom won't let me have one." 

"The rabbit gets out of its cage enough." The way the girl's mom said it, this was an age old argument. "I don't want to squash it when it ends up in my shoe."

"I had a snake when I was growing up," Serana chimed in. "A corn snake that never got out." 

The twins turned out to be part of a family unit. One twin was trans, and their older brother was too, and as Elayn found soon, was very excited to start HRT. "Get a Gc2b binder," she said. "When I'm feeling like a flat day, it works really well." 

The boy, a younger fourteen, practically floated with excitement. "I will!" 

Serana chatted with the parents while Elayn occupied the kids. "Have you folks been to Pride before?" 

Their mom, a woman named Chelsea, shook her head. "Nope, both kids came out last September and they've been talking about the festival ever since." 

"You seem like really supportive parents," Serana said. It carried the weight of one speaking who has not had contact with their parents since high school. 

Chelsea could tell, and she opened her arms for a hug that Serana was more than happy to accept. 

The march was only about a mile long, and it ended in another park. Elayn craned her neck and said, "I think I see the beer line, wait here?" 

"We will!" said the girl, who was very proud to be named Luna now. 

Serana and Chelsea shared a grin. "I guess we'll wait here," the mom said. 

It was a bit of a line, which was probably not a good thing, but apparently people were restricted on how many drinks they could buy, so at least there was that. While Elayn waited, she was joined by two people wearing pronoun pins that said "she/her". 

Elayn's jaw dropped at the sight of one of the girls' dress, which was a flowing, fae like ensemble. "Holy shit!" she said. "You look amazing!" 

She blushed and ducked her head as she smiled. "Thank you, I got it from Amazon." 

"It's her first Pride," her friend added.

That just amazed Elayn more. "With the sparkles and the green eyeshadow, I wouldn't have guessed. Everything you've got going on is just amazing."

"Thank you!" she squeaked. 

Elayn wasn't alone in thinking the dress was gorgeous. Another person came up to compliment it, and they had such dope tattoos that Elayn could not help but comment. 

"The guy that did them is great," they gushed. "He does blacklight work too!" 

So she got a website saved on her phone for the next time she really wanted to get a tattoo on top of the three she already had; scrollwork on her bicep, a wolf on her shoulder blade, and a small date on her wrist that was the day she met Serana. 

When she got back to her girlfriend and the others, an IPA in hand that was frankly piss, she told them about the girl in the fae dress. 

"I saw her!" Serana exclaimed. 

"Amazon." 

"No way." 

Next was food, especially if she was going to drink a beer. Assuming she actually drank it. "There's some food trucks," she pointed out. "I could go for a corndog." 

"I'm going to get some mac and cheese," Serana said. 

"Mom! Mom!" Luna's twin brother, Ian, tugged at his mom's sleeve. "Can we get pretzels?" 

Chelsea sighed good-naturedly. "I suppose. Do you two want to meet up after?" 

"Over by the stage?" Elayn suggested. 

The group separated. She found the line for corndogs and funnel cake. While she was waiting, the woman ahead of her glanced her way, so Elayn said, "Howdy!" 

"Hey there, hun!" She clapped her on the shoulder. "Having a good time?" 

"I am," she said with a grin. "Everyone here is so nice. There were some moms back there handing out hugs!" 

"Well, I'm a mom, would you like a hug?" 

"I would love that." 

It was a lovely hug, the woman was warm and smelled floral. When they separated, she said, "I'm Elayn! It's good to meet you. Can I get you a corndog?" 

As she pulled out her wallet, the woman waved her money away. "It's Nessa, and actually, I'd like to buy you a corndog." 

"You don't have to--" 

Nessa laughed. "I miss my daughters, you'd be doing me a favor." 

They chatted while the line went down, about lacrosse and about university. It turned out Nessa's two daughters went off to college in other cities, so it had been a while since she saw either. "I had a son," she said. "But now I have a very happy daughter, and I'm so proud of her." 

"I wish I had a mom like you," Elayn said, thinking about growing up foster care. 

Nessa grabbed her in another hug. "Now you do!" 

When she got back to Serana and the others, they were listening to the music booming from the speakers. She had to yell to tell the group about her new mom. 

Chelsea looked a little sad, because she could connect the dots, but Luna and Ian were too busy freaking out over the cotton candy Nessa had bought her too. 

Not long after, the stage was occupied. Elayn was chatting with Luna with her back turned, so she missed it until Serana tapped her shoulder and turned her around. 

"Holy shit!" She hollered and clapped at the sight of a gorgeous, sequin clad drag queen in four inch heels doing a backflip off the stage and onto grass. "Holy shit!" 

As it turned out, the drag queens took tips, and it was at that point that Elayn knew she was about to spend a lot of money. Each queen that performed, and there were many, got a five in exchange for the sheer joy Elayn got when the queen before her touched her hand. 

When there was a break in the performances, she went back to Serana, who had a smirk on her face. "Should I be jealous?" 

Elayn cupped her face, and in a fit of sheer enthusiasm, kissed her girlfriend soundly, to the delight of the twins who hooted. "Don't worry, babe," she teased. "You're the only queen for me." 

"Flatterer." Serana swatted at her chest, but the smile on her face was pleased regardless. 

It was all a blur from there. Fair food, loud music-- and Elayn found beer that wasn't piss! She taught the twins a new vocabulary of cuss words the moment she found out their mom was fine with foul language. They parted around five in the afternoon, when a voice through a megaphone warned attendants that the festival was about to start catering to adults. There was a concert with more drag queens, this time in much more risqué outfits that Elayn would have given a kidney to see on Serana. 

When she said something, her girlfriend got a light in her eye. "Really now?" she purred. "Maybe for your birthday." 

By 11pm, Elayn was high on the party atmosphere and a few beers. The festival was over, and the walk back to their car would be a trick. "Did you have fun?" she asked Serana as they walked hand in hand. 

She got a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so glad I have you. When are we getting married?"

"When I figure out how to surprise you with a ring." 

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 02 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2.5K

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

<- Previous part (01)

Next part (03) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

Car Trouble

“Are you having car trouble?” Billy asks, his eyes locked on yours.

“Judging by the smoke, yeah.” You sigh, opening the door and stepping out of the car. You avoid eye contact, looking at the light gray smoke instead.

“Pop the hood, let me check.” Doing as he says, you press the button as you sit back on the driver's seat, hoping he can actually fix whatever is wrong just so you can make it home. “Bad news.” He says after a couple of minutes.” There's nothing I can do. Not here, at least.”

“Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent.” He lets the hood fall before coming to stand by the door. “Didn't it give any signs something was wrong?”

“It has been making this funny noise since I bought it. But that was a month ago, I didn't think it would actually stop working.” Taking a deep breath, you take your bag and get out, closing the door. “I'll call the mechanics when I get home. Thanks for checking it out.” You wave at him, walking away.

“I could give you a ride home if you want.”

“I'm alright. Don't want to be a bother.”

“I wouldn't offer you a ride if you were a bother. C'mon, I'm just trying to help a co-worker.”

You stop, turning to face Billy. He doesn't have to usual cocky expression he always has. And he's right. He's just offering a ride home because your car is broken, there's nothing more. Monica and those girls are just getting under your skin, making you think too much about something that doesn't deserve much thought. “Ok then.”

“Let's go.” Billy guides you to his Camaro and you get into the passenger seat. Seconds later you're spending up through the streets, and you buckle up because he's going a little too fast for your taste. You give him your address, not really paying attention to the route he's taking. Your eyes are on the landscape outside the window, passing by in a blur.

“Do you mind if I stop to get some tacos before dropping you off?”

“No.” Shrugging your shoulders, you run a hand through your hair as he parks in a small restaurant and gets out to buy his food. As you wait, you wonder if you should tell Monica about this. If you do, you probably won't hear the end of it. But it could also snap her out of this whole mission thing. Today she was silent again, overanalyzing Billy instead of watching the pools. At least she seems to be excited about something.

A whistle gets your attention, dragging you out of your thoughts. It's Billy at the restaurant's door, gesturing for you to go there. You're a little confused when you leave the car. Did he make the order and then realized he forgot his wallet or something?

“What's up?” You ask him, crossing your arms.

“Nothing. C'mon.” Billy guides you to a table on the back, where he sits. “I ordered you some tacos too.”

What the hell. “Do you even know if I have money with me? You should've asked.”

“But I didn't, did I?” He raises an eyebrow.

Taking a deep breath, you decide not to make a big deal out of it. “Whatever,” you mumble, sitting down across from him. It's so damn obvious he's staring now. He doesn't even try to hide it. Since you're here, you could try to put a stop to this nonsense. Sorry, Mon. Your mission will be over soon. “What are you looking at?” You ask, elbows on the table, finally meeting his gaze.

“You.” He simply says, and there's no hint he'll give further explanation.

You were just about to say something when the waitress comes with your tacos. They do look good, and you're a little hungry.

“I'll get something to drink. What do you want?”

“Ice cold Coca-Cola,” you answer, watching as he gets up. You don't wait for him to come back, you just start eating. The last time you ate tacos you were in elementary school.

“Here's your drink.” He places the can down and you open it, taking a sip. “So, new girl... How do you like this dipshit place?”

“I really like it. Hawkins is exactly what I was looking for.” Billy seems a little surprised, raising his eyebrows. “What? Did you think I was dragged here? I wanted to come.”

“Can't understand why anyone would want to live here.”

“I had my reasons.” Shrugging your shoulders, a loud laugh gets your attention. It's a girl you see often in the pool. She's friends with one of those girls from the locker... The girls who were talking about Billy. “Hey. Don't you have a date today? With that Jennifer girl?” It comes back to your mind, and you burst it out. “Let's go, I can take these and eat at home.” The last thing you want is Billy being mad because giving you a ride kept him from meeting some girl. So you get up, taking the plate and the can.

“Where are you going?”

“...Home? You're taking me home now so you won't be late to be with the girl.” Why do you have to state the obvious? You doubt he'd forget about a date.

“I am with a girl. Now sit down and relax.”

If this day gets any weirder, you're calling it a night and going back home immediately. “Fine. It's your night you're ruining.” You sit back down, defeated.

“Who said my night is ruined?”

“Billy...” Leaning forward, you look into his eyes. “Whatever you're trying here, it won't work.”

“I'm not trying anything.”

Alright. Time to end this game. “I'm not the kind of girl you hang out with, ok? Put your efforts on someone hot and beautiful, don't waste your time with me.” You take another bite of the taco on your plate.

“Wait. You don't think you're hot and beautiful?” He leans forward too, pushing his empty plate away, eyes on you.

He totally got the wrong part of what you said. “I'm... Ok. I'm cute but you can aim so much higher than me.” You're not blind, so you're not immune to Billy's effect. You have to admit you stole a few glances on your first days working on the pool, but knowing his reputation, you'd never let it go further than finding him handsome. “But they say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so...” You're done with the tacos, and you drink what's left of your Coca-Cola.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes then.” Billy lowers his voice, the smirk leaving his lips as if this statement is the most important thing in the world, a fact on which the whole Earth stands.

You gasp, giggling a little. “So that's how you do it. That's what you say to get your girls.”

“No. I say very different things.” The smirk is back, and you look away for a moment. You really hope you're not blushing.

“We're both done eating. Can we go now?”

“I haven't finished my drink yet.” He gestures at is can. “You don't need to leave your guard up all the time. We're just... Two friends hanging out. No big deal.”

“So we're friends now?” He simply nods. “You don't even speak to me at work, how can we be friends?”

“I'll change that, don't worry. You don't seem to have many friends, anyway.”

“I do. Monica and her little crew.” It's actually mostly just Monica, but he doesn't have to know that. “They're nice.”

“Well, you can just add me to your list of new friends then.” Billy smiles at you, and now that you get to see it, from up close, it's so damn beautiful. There's a secret behind it, something he's hiding, and it looks like he knows you're aware of that. “What do you say?” He reaches out his hand over the table. “Try to get to know me instead of judging by what you heard.”

You hesitate for a while before shaking his hand. You won't fall for his game, so there's no problem befriending the guy. And you must admit it's a little mean to judge someone by what people say. You rather judge him by his actions. “Fine, Billy Hargrove. We can try to be friends. But that's it. Nothing else.”

“Good.”

You stay at the restaurant for another hour before he finally takes you home. Your aunt is organizing some papers, so she doesn't make many questions. She's just happy you were out with someone. And you don't really give much thought to what happened. You actually had some fun today, and since you're still struggling to fit in, you're in no position to refuse any friendship you can get.

And it was kind of Billy to offer you a ride home. You're so attached to everything you heard of him that you didn't even felt thankful for his help. If he was the asshole people say he is, he'd just leave you in the parking lot, or take you straight home. But he didn't. Billy even paid for the tacos. It's mean of you to judge the guy so harshly, before exchanging any words with him. He does sleep with a different girl every night, but they go out with him because they want to. They know he won't stick to them. But this is just something he enjoys, it doesn't mean he's a total jerk. Right? Jennifer and her friend seemed okay with a one night stand, so it's obvious he's not forcing them into it. They know it's a one-time thing.

So if you take this part away, you're left with a normal guy. So, if he's not trying to make you fall on his game, maybe his intentions aren't what you think they are. It's harmless to try and get to know him. Maybe he can become a good friend, who knows?

During the next day in the pool, you're still thinking about it. You don't really understand why you're feeling a little guilty for thinking so low of Billy. So, as you're walking back to your post and Billy is coming from his chair, to take his lunch break, you decided to talk to him.

“Billy, can I talk to you for a sec?” You say when you're close enough.

“Of course. C'mon.” He tilts his head, gesturing for you to with him back into the cafeteria. You were just going to say it right here, but since he's already walking, you just follow him. Monica gives you a meaningful stare once she notices you're following Billy. But you shake your head no, trying to tell her this is nothing.

“I'll be quick. I have to get back to my chair.” You say as he sits down on the table. “I just wanted to say thank you for yesterday. For the ride home and for the snack you bought me.”

“That's it?” He seems genuinely confused.

“Yeah...” You stand there awkwardly, watching as his lips break into a smile.

“What happened to your car?”

“It'll be ready in two days. Mon is giving me a ride until then.” Shrugging your shoulders, you start making your way out. “Well, that's it. I gotta go.”

“Keep doing the good job.” He winks at you, and you can't hold back the smile that comes to your lips.

“I will.” Turning your back at him, you go back to your chair.

•••

By the end of the day, you're sitting shotgun in Monica's car, the windows opens to let the fresh wind come in.

“I have great news.” She says, smiling.

“Let's hear it.”

“Jennifer was super mad today. Now guess why.” You exchange a glance as you think if you should tell her or not. But she's so excited about it, and Jennifer has always been mean to her... So you decide to just say it.

“Because my car wouldn't start, so Billy offered a ride home. And in the process, he stopped by this restaurant and bought me tacos.” She hits the breaks so suddenly that your heart skips a beat. “Holy shit, Monica! Are you trying to get us killed?”

“What did you just say, (Y/N)?” She's dead serious, looking at you. “Explain it. And don't hold back the details.”

She drives slower, just to give you more time. She forces you to remember everything he said, and everything you said, overanalyzing every single word. She doesn't seem too convinced that Billy just wants to be friends, going on about how he looks at you. With affection, admiration. But you don't really believe that.

“Just the fact that he was straight forward with wanting to be your friends is impressive. You gotta understand this is not usual of Billy.” She says as you walk into your house since you invited her to stay for dinner. “Believe me, I know. I wouldn't be talking about Billy with you if I wasn't utterly perplexed.”

“Who's Billy?" Your aunt asks, coming from the kitchen, an amused smile on her face.

“Good evening, Mrs. Florence," Monica says, matching your aunt's tone.

“Call me Diane, dear. And tell me about this Billy.”

“He's just a friend, aunt. He gave me a ride home yesterday.” You and Monica follow her into the kitchen, sitting on the table.

“Yesterday? You came home late yesterday.” She rests her back on the counter, looking at you. You feel like you were busted doing something wrong.

“He wanted to eat tacos so since I was with him, we just stopped by a small restaurant at the side of the road.” Shrugging your shoulders, you try to act casual. But why are you trying to act casual? It was a casual meeting.

“Did he pay?”

“Yes, but–”

“Then it was a date,” Diane states before turning around, her attention back to her current task.

You feel your cheeks burning as you exchange a glance with a smirking Monica. “It wasn't a date.” You have no idea how you could make this more clear than that. “If it was a date he would have kissed me goodnight.” You use the cliche every romance movie implements, trying to change their minds. “If that doesn't happen, it's not a date.”

“Well, say whatever you want. But tomorrow you'll be going out with me and the guys. No Billy.” Monica says, gesturing at you.

Whatever. You don't have to explain anything, and time will show them there's nothing between you and Billy. “Count me in,” you tell her, looking down at your hands for a moment. It will be good. No Billy, nobody talking about Billy for a change. It's your second week here, and it feels like it's all been about him from the start. You can't wait until people realize that everything that's ever gonna happens, if it happens, is just a friendship. Nothing more.

[shleepys]

AYYYY I hope you all were safe over the holidays and continue to stay safe over these next few months! Right now my state is dealing with record high covid numbers and a bunch of snow, might be different for you guys but hey, even though we're kicking off the start of a new year we still have to be aware of what's been going on and continue to push through it. But yeah!

We can finally reveal for the @harringroveholidayexchange, so I hope you enjoy what I made for the amazing @catharrington! I don't know how everyone else is formatting theirs if they did fic and art but I'm going to put both here! 💕

- - - - -

Overlooked

prompt! - I’ve always loved the differences in the two boys while growing up, I imagine Steve having huge Christmas parties with champagne flutes and the works and Billy being invited and happy to spend time with Steve, he really is!, it’s just a lot he isn’t used to. All up to author interpretations: make as fluffy or angsty as you want ;)

summary! - Steve forgets they were supposed to hang out elsewhere while his parents threw their annual Christmas party and agrees to stay.

Luckily, Billy doesn’t mind!

The only problem is, they don’t get to hang out... and Billy starts to feel overlooked.

- - - - -

Billy couldn’t be more out of place.

Parties were his thing, don’t get that wrong. He could get drunk, smoke, fuck, do whatever and if Steve was with him, only then it was infinitely better. 

But this wasn’t a party. Not the party he knew. It felt more like a corporate gathering or a birthday for someone he didn’t know and he only ended up on the list because his boyfriend’s involved. Which wouldn’t be a problem if everyone around him wasn’t two to three times his age and he actually got to hang out with said boyfriend. 

But it’s fine. It’s been fine so far.

Crystal champagne flutes and ugly holiday sweaters just aren’t necessarily Billy’s forte. He can’t fathom how much Steve’s parents spent on this party alone and can only bet that it cost more than the monthly payment for the house on Cherry Road. Not that he has much resentment towards what Steve’s parents do with their money but it just seems… unnecessary. 

He takes a sip from his flute, rustling the jacket resting on his lap before leaning further into the sofa to try and wait this out despite already being here for what seems like hours. Billy gradually looks up again and stares into the other room where he can see Steve and his parents.

He can’t see their faces, but he can see Steve’s. Their backs are turned to him - Steve’s off to the side - they’re merely silhouettes so he can’t tell if his parents are just being gregarious or snobby. Then again, neither of them really talk about their parents so Billy has no clue.

Billy watches as a couple leaves, the discomfort continues to overrule Steve’s face as suddenly another appears and the cycle starts over again for what seems about the hundredth time. He huffs, kicking the shagged carpet beneath him before lowly cursing himself out. Should he have reminded him what they were going to do tonight? Or would Steve have rather stayed here? 

He can’t tell whether or not Steve’s just over some of the pretentious attitudes and comments he’s overheard in the past hour or that he’s trying to break the chain and get over to him so they can do something together. He could always get drunk and wait for Steve to get done, he knows where the brunette keeps a bottle of scotch that he stole from his dad’s liquor cabinet in the office. 

He blinks, lips sucked in to form a seal as he thinks. “Should I go home?” Billy whispers, soft and hurt. There’s not really a point in staying and maybe he can see if Jonathan has anything new to smoke. Deep, contemplative breath.

Billy stands up and discards his glass on the side table next to him before throwing on his coat and grabbing his scarf. Everything from then to going outside flashed by like a blur, nothing of importance really stricken in his mind other than colored sweaters and the sheen of champagne glasses hitting his eye. His breath is almost heavy as he opens the door and a wave of ice rushes over him. It bites at his nose, almost makes him want to itch it but he ventures out regardless. Billy slowly closes it behind him.

Billy sighed softly, eyes falling to the ground. It’s been snowing all day. Coming and going with the wind and dusting every road, house, and tree with freckles of white. Granted, everything was coated before it got too dark and hopefully, the roads weren’t iced over for any of the poor drunks inside. Steam rolled from his mouth as he exhaled before taking a deep breath. Billy threw the end of his scarf over his shoulder and looked out where his car should be, a somber smile passing his lips but twisting into a frown. Steve told him he could park where his family parks.

His feet felt like they were superglued to the deck, that, or like boulders had been tied to the ends of them. Billy bit his bottom lip and fidgeted with his coat pockets, sort of kicked the snow from under him.

He swallowed hastily, a lump bouncing in his throat as he looked out again. Couldn’t pinpoint the emotion to anything else but a pang of burning guilt. Maybe he should have just gone up to him, shouldn’t have made a big deal out of feeling left out, taken him away from his parents so they could go upstairs or leave.

Someone jerked open the sliding doors. Light poured from the inside, Billy twisted around to identify the backlit figure expecting a drunk only to find a breathless, seemingly worried Steve. Billy wanted to furrow his brows and walk off into the snow where he knew damn well Steve wouldn’t go into with house shoes on, but for some reason, he stayed put. Watches as Steve shuts the door behind him and rubs at his arm.

“What are you doing out here?”

Billy doesn’t respond.

Steve seems to catch on, and their eyes lock. 

There have been times when Billy goes outside during a party to catch his breath, maybe sneak around back to talk to Steve about one thing or another, maybe drunkenly make out and hope no one was watching or Tommy had their back. But they hadn’t been to a party for a long while, not since September. And, Billy doesn’t just bring his car keys with him to ‘catch his breath’.

Billy broke contact with a sharp ‘huh’. “Did you forget about me?"

“What? No! Why would you think that?” Steve shuddered, pulling his hands into his sleeves.

Billy looked back up with dagger-like eyes, “Because it seems an awfully lot like you did.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

He could bite back, the very opportunity hanging in front of his nose. But he didn’t. Instead, a familiar quiver caught his lip. Lingering feelings creeping up and forcing his hand to itch at his pocket. Billy shook his head, eyes falling to the ground. 

Steve frowned, aware of the events to follow. He’s known the other long enough to recognize the outline of Marlboros in any pocket. Deep down wishes there was some other habit Billy bid in, but that’s a matter of discussion that needs to be saved for later.

Eventually, the pack came out. Steve chewed on the inside of his cheek as he watched Billy, his lighter flaring until the end emitted a pale red before shakily tucking it away. He shook his head again slow and somber like. 

“I’m sorry.” Billy started, hands moving along with his words. “And it’s not that I don’t want to be here. You’re just,” he sighed, “busy.”

Steve’s lips sealed tightly at the comment. He saw the discomfort present in the other’s sentences, could feel guilt churn in the pit of his stomach. Thing is Steve wasn’t the slightest bit spiteful, he was pissed at himself for not taking action to check up on the other. Not considering bringing another friend with them in case something like this happened. He’s upset because they were supposed to do something together tonight besides this but he forgot and agreed to be here. Steve watched him take a drag, self-spite running through his veins. 

The corners of Steve’s eyes pinched, his throat tightening as he spoke, “No, I’m sorry! This sucks, this whole thing has sucked. I stressed myself out over decorating for the party and was so excited to hang out! I didn’t mean to agree but I forgot! And mom and dad keep introducing me to people. I- I wanted to spend time with you! I didn’t want to be here!” Steve took a step forward before shaky inhale. “This is my fault, this shouldn’t have happened.”

The next few seconds were the two boys staring at one another, each waiting on the other to say something. Billy was at a loss. Steve had a million thoughts streaming through his mind, hoping that the blonde wouldn’t just turn away and leave. 

Eventually, Billy glanced at the door, peering through to check if the blinds were shut as a faint smile appeared. Billy’s lips pressed against Steve’s before he could protest, his hand meeting to cup the brunette’s jaw and brush over the apple of his cheek with his calloused thumb and cigarette in the other. Steve’s tears wetted his cheeks, he didn’t mind it all that much. The shock melted into comfort as Steve cherished the kiss, pouted when Billy slowly pulled away from him. The slight tinge of champagne lingering on the other’s lips, the heat of their bodies giving them a little warmth.

Billy craned his head - albeit Steve was taller - until their foreheads met. 

“Don’t apologize. I get it.” Billy whispered. Steve gave a small, dismissive ‘huff’.

“My boyfriend should come before a stupid party. I should have told them otherwise.” 

Billy shook his head. “The party’s nice. You beat yourself up too much over this kind of stuff, I forget things too. Remember the creek?” 

Steve giggled, lips twisting into a smile. “In July when you were supposed to meet me there and didn’t show up? And I stayed there all night?”

Billy frowned as he thought into it, the bitter call at one in the morning that turned into a week of not talking to one another. It ended nicely though - if ‘nice’ was drunk car sex in the middle of the woods. There wasn’t much of an apology there but hey, they’re still trying to work on things and figure out how exactly relationships work because they aren’t exactly a sixty-year-old couple with forty years of experience behind the boy’s backs.

“I still owe you for that. Sorry.” His eyes fell to the deck as he pulled his head away, bumping his cigarette against his finger and watching the ash fall.

After Steve noticed the shift he got quiet, frowned, and eyes followed Billy’s to the wooden boards below. “Don’t apologize,” Steve echoed with a light smile. Gently Steve grabbed Billy’s scarf and drew him in for a slower, deeper kiss. 

People forget things, that’s human nature. And sometimes they can be a bit dumb about it too. But this was going to be the boy’s first Christmas, granted it wasn’t exactly Christmas yet, but it was important to them both. Spending time with a significant other on a holiday was amazing even if they can’t shout it out to everyone they know. 

These moments always have a sort of energy to them. When the boys share a wordless amalgamation of self-deprecating thoughts after ‘messing something up’ and those little habits come out to bite to express those thoughts oh so clearly.  It’s a ball of weird energy that shines in self-hate that the two have been working to eliminate and hey, they’ve gotten pretty far! But, it’s still there. Smiling in the corner of the boy’s minds. Ready to strike at any moment. It’s just a lot smaller now. 

Because again, don’t have the forty years and that’s perfectly valid even if the two don’t seem to realize it.

Billy leaned into the sweet kiss before Steve drew back. Billy chuckled and wrapped his arms around the other as he tucked his face into Steve’s neck. Steve shook again, this time cuddling up to the other and ravishing in the heat and short breaths coming out of them both.

“I wanna go inside,” Steve mumbled, rubbing at the other’s back.

Billy laughed and slowly pulled away to look at Steve. “Too cold?” 

“I’m in a sweater and sweatpants,” Steve pulled on his scarf again and toyed with the frayed ends. The grin Billy responded with brimmed with bliss, his hand roaming up and held the other’s with a firm hold,

“I’ll meet you inside.”

Steve had ventured back into the party while Billy snuffed his cigarette into the deck, eventually, the two found one another next to the food Steve’s parents had catered instead of cooking this year. Only thing that wasn’t in foil baking trays was the Christmas cookies that Billy had been dying to try ever since Steve brought them up at the beginning of December. Drinks clattered in group cheers from the surrounding areas, the smooth music now bearable. He never expected that a party this foreign to him would turn out for the better. Never thought he would feel… like a part of it? The crystal flutes, richies, and overall appeal still don’t rock with him, but with Steve, he has someone there for him. And that’s all Billy could ever ask for.

Thankfully, he didn’t feel like he was going to projectile vomit champagne anymore… the nausea sort of faded after Steve kissed him outside. Billy turned to Steve, noting the rosy shade still dancing on the apples of his cheeks from outside.

“Your sweater isn’t that ugly,” Billy emphasized, chewing on an ornament-shaped cookie.

Steve shook his head with an amused sigh, sweeping the crumbs from his shirt. “This isn’t that kind of party, if it was I would’ve had you help me make one.”

“Are you sure? Because I don’t think Karen from Fiance got the memo.” Billy pointed into the crowd at the woman in question. Her sweater took the cake for one of the ugliest, tensile hangs from her torso, lights strung all over, buttons on the brink of falling off. “You think she beats her kids over the head with a bible?” Steve rolled his eyes. Billy smirked at the little glare he’d received. “You should have pulled out your grandmother’s cat vests.” 

Steve gagged, eyes wide and ridden with disgust. “Keep talking and you’re going to make me throw up. I never want to see those again.” Billy snorts and Steve shoves him with a laugh, “It’s not funny!”

“But you’re laughing!” Billy remarks and lightly bumps him back returning the bubbling laughter.

A woman seems to overhear their laughs and spins around with the biggest and brightest grin Billy’s ever seen. It kind of startled him. Doesn’t know who she is, doesn’t care to know until he recognizes the cat vest and how familiar those brown, round doe eyes are. She runs up to them, curls bouncing on her shoulders as she approaches with a drink in hand. Mrs. Harrington gasped, grabbing onto Steve’s sweater with eyes darting between both boys, “Is this Billy?”

Steve smirks and rolls his eyes again. “Hi, Mom. I’m back Mom.” She lightly wacks him in the arm. “Yes! This is Billy.”

Her eyes lit up, dazzled with happiness as she stuck her attention on the blonde as he snuck another cookie in his mouth. “Steve talks about you all the time!”

“What? No, I don’t!” Steve’s eyebrows knit together as he tried to defend himself but deep down knew there was no hope, especially after Billy gave him that smug but appreciative little look as his mom went on her story-telling rampage. 

Billy laughs, almost in disbelief, “Really?”

“He talks about all of his friends, really. But, oh! When it comes to you he goes on and on and on, he really thinks you’re something.” Billy watched as the tips of Steve’s ears tinted themselves red and smirked. An interesting conversation for later. “I’m so upset that I haven’t been able to meet you until now! You two are always out or asleep by the time I get home.”

Billy’s brows quirked in an expression of sarcasm. “Well, thank you for not waking me up at two in the morning to introduce yourself.”

Mrs. Harrington chuckled, shaking her head before putting her hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I’m going to go get another drink. Oh, and Billy!” She paused and made eye contact, “If you want to come over for Christmas, you’re more than welcome too! Just tell Steve so I know.”

Billy’s brows flew upwards, blush rising and Steve picking it up instantly. She waved goodbye before walking around them and going off on her journey into another room. The boys stared again, each waiting on the other to say something until the brunette spoke up.

"She likes you," Steve muttered, ears still red as ever.

"You talk about me to her? I think that's cute."

He huffed. Had to stop himself from leaning against the other to hide his face. "Mom likes knowing what friends are up to."

Billy loosely smiled, slowly bumping into Steve with his hip before getting a light bump back. “You look a lot like her.” Steve shook his head.

“Not as much as my dad,” Steve turned to see if he was there and frowned when he didn’t see the other but slowly faded into a smile. “I don’t know where he is, he would have loved to meet you.”

The boys got quiet again.

Billy cleared his throat, his head tilted down as if to duck away to hide his blush and the movement didn’t go unnoticed by Steve. “About coming over for Christmas-” 

“I want you to.” He softly tugged on his jacket to get his attention. Eventually, Billy made eye contact, grinned with a chuckle following behind. Christmas with Steve? His caring boyfriend, twenty million cookies, a few possible presents, and… some loving parents? 

Billy couldn’t be happier.

[itsadamcole]

graduation day pt. 3

fem!reader x finn balor

It’s Christmas now, and Finn and reader have been able to keep their relationship on the down low for four months. That is until the faculty have a Christmas party, where no one’s secrets are safe ... “i really wanna kiss you right now”

word count: 5.3k+

warnings: a former teacher/former student relationship, drinking / being drunk, jealousy, angst, smut, a little bit of public teasing, fluff

— someone wanted a part 3 and this popped up into my head so this is for whoever wanted the part 3. y’all will finally find out where finn teaches in this part .... but part 4? —

masterlist || part 1 | part 2 | part 4 | part 5 || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

“Baby,” Finn whines. “Come on. It’ll be so fun. Everyone is gonna be there. Plus, you’re part of the faculty now because ya are Ver’s assistant.”

He stands in front of you in a suit with red and green Christmas themed tie and sneakers. You love Finn, but the tie he’s wearing is ugly.

You look up at Finn and say, “I don’t think I even have anything to wear, Finn. It’s so last minute. You’re literally on your way to the party.”

Your boyfriend pouts and gives you puppy dog eyes. “Please, Y/N. Pretty please. I’ll never ask ya for something again.”

You giggle and say, “We can’t even be together at the party so why should I go? It wouldn’t be much fun for me because I have maybe two teacher friends, one of which you hate because you think he flirts with me.”

Finn says, “I don’t hate him. He just better learn how to stop flirting with my girl.”

You laugh and say, “I need like forty five minutes to get ready because you caught me off guard.” You’re in your Christmas pajamas. A red cami tank top with Santa’s face on it with red and black plaid pants. Those are your pajamas.

Finn gets happy and excited that you said you were going. You walk back into your bedroom and let Finn into your apartment. You walk to your closet to find something to wear.

You call from your room, “So, is this like a formal event or can I wear a short dress?”

Finn says, “A short dress should be fine. It’s not really formal, I just didn’t know what else to wear so I put on a suit.”

You laugh as you raid your closet.

It takes a good ten minutes before you find a dress that would be acceptable for a last-minute Christmas party.

The dress is a dark red, two piece number. The top of the dress is sparkly with a halter top. The fabric on the back is completely sheer except for the line of the zipper, which runs from the collar down to the bottom of the top. The skirt is a little poofy and ends about halfway down your thighs. The waistband of the skirt is sparkly like the top. A bit of your stomach peeks out between the top and the skirt. You wear a pair of dark red heels to match the dress.

You curl your Y/H/C colored hair and do a red and silver smokey eye look for makeup. You add a little foundation, highlight, and dark red lipstick to complete the makeup look. You put in silver earrings and a silver bracelet that Finn got you for your birthday last month.

You leave your room, walking down the hallway. Finn hears you enter the living room and he smiles when he sees you. “Wow,” he says.

Your face turns a little red and you ask, “Like it?” You do a little spin and the skirt flares out a little bit.

Finn walks over to you and says, “I love it. Ya look stunning, my love.”

You look up at Finn and ask, “So what’s the plan? We can’t walk into the party together.”

He says, “I’ve thought about that. I’m going to park in my usual parking spot. Ya will get out first and I’ll be about five minutes behind ya.”

You giggle and say, “Hm. Smart. Except everyone knows your car.”

“Exactly,” he says. “So we’re taking yours. I’ll drive.”

You blink and say, “That’s also smart.”

Finn laughs and says, “I didn’t become a professor overnight. I went though college and training in Ireland and in the United States.”

You say, “You’ve never explained to me how you became a teacher. Is it different in Ireland than it is here in the States?”

He says, “Not really. I needed my Bachelor’s degree, which I got after four years. Then I had to get a basic teaching credential, which I got after 120 hours of training. I taught in Ireland for three years, until I was 25 before I decided to come over to the States to get my Master’s degree in education, then I was offered a job here once I completed my Florida teaching certificate so I stayed and have been teaching in the States for ten years this year.”

You look up at Finn as he talks. He seems so excited when he talks about going to school in Ireland before coming to the United States to teach. It makes you so happy that he gets excited to talk about his journey from Ireland to the United States.

You wait until he’s done talking before saying, “That’s amazing. It’s crazy how long you’ve been teaching for.”

Finn smiles and says, “Yeah, it is. So, shall we head to the party?”

You nod and collect your things, and by ‘things’ you really mean your clutch, your keys, and your phone.

You and Finn leave your apartment building and the cool breeze hits you.

It’s a warm night tonight in Orlando, Florida. You and Finn will make the short drive to Full Sail University, where Finn teaches and you assist.

Finn drives your car and you play on your phone as he drives. You scroll through Twitter and Instagram.

Your phone begins to ring and you see it’s your mom. Your eyes widen and say, “Crap, I never told my mom I was coming home this Christmas.” You had a flight today but didn’t make it in time, which is why Finn showed up and asked you to come to the party.

Finn glances over at your phone to see your mom calling and he says, “What’re ya gonna say to her?”

“Well I can’t tell her the truth,” you say, answering the phone. “Hey, Mom.”

Your mom says, “Hi, honey. Where are you? You should be home by now.”

You say, “Um, yeah. I missed my flight this morning so I won’t be making it home for Christmas this year.”

“I can book you another flight if you’d like,” your mother says. “It wouldn’t be an issues.”

You internally start to panic and say, “No, it’s okay. I’ll FaceTime you, dad, and Y/S/N on Christmas morning to see everyone open presents and everything.”

Your mom says, “I’ll send yours down to you so you’ll have them before Christmas. They’ll probably be in a big box so be prepared.”

You laugh and say, “Alright, Mom. I’ll talk to you later. I’m on my way to a little get together at the school.”

“Have fun,” your mom says. “Stay safe. I love you.”

You say, “I love you too, Mom.”

She hangs up and you sigh. “Not a complete lie,” Finn says, pulling into his parking spot. You laugh.

He parks the car and he looks over at you. “You’ll be coming in a few minutes?” you ask, looking over at Finn.

Finn nods and says, “I’ll be there in about five minutes.”

You nod and say, “I’ll see you in a few minutes.” He smiles and nods before you get out of the car. You walk through the parking lot to the gym area.

In your four years as a student, you’ve heard all about the faculty Christmas parties. You’ve heard all the stories of drama that have happened at these parties. You’re hoping that nothing happens this year but you’re not holding your breath.

In the past four months, you and Finn have begun a ‘friendship’ by having lunch in the cafeteria or his office. You’ve tried to stay away from him as much as you can but it’s hard when he’s one classroom over from you.

Veronica, the teacher you’ve been assisting, has kept a close eye on you since day one. She’s very suspicious of something more than just a friendship between you and Finn because of what happened day one in Finn’s office.

You walk into the gym. Faculty members are all scattered throughout and the gym is decorated with Christmas decor. There are tables are covered with red and green covered with a Christmas themed figure in the middle. Lights and garland hang throughout the rafters. Christmas music is blaring in the large room. There’s a small dance floor section. You see a minibar in the corner. So there is alcohol, which makes you happy. You’re 23 so you can drink legally.

You ask for a Coke and vodka at the minibar before you walk around, trying to find anyone you know.

That’s when one of your professor friends comes up to you. Mr. Seth Rollins. History professor.

“Hey, Y/N,” he says, drunkenly wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I thought you were going home for the break.”

You laugh at how drunk he already is before you say, “I was, but then I missed my flight this morning. Someone convinced me to come tonight so here I am.”

Seth smiles and says, “Well, I’m glad you’re here. Come dance with me, Y/N. Have some fun."

You look up at Seth and say, "Alright. One dance."

The two of you walk to the little dance floor area. You sway to the beat of the music with your drink in your hand. Seth makes small talk with you as the two of you dance to Santa Claus Is Coming To Town by the Jackson 5.

A few minutes pass by and you decide to start looking around for Finn. Seth notices that you're distracted and he asks, "You looking for someone? Maybe a boyfriend you invited?" Your eyes shoot to Seth when he says the word 'boyfriend'. "So it is a boyfriend. Do I know him?"

You immediately jump into defense mode and say, "No, it's not a boyfriend. I'm just looking around. I haven't met half these people."

Seth says, "Don't think I haven't seen how close you and Finn Balor are. Always in the cafeteria having lunch. It's a little weird considering that you're his former student."

You stop moving and you look at Seth. You say, "I graduated in May. It's been over seven months. I had you as my history professor in my first year. That's a little weird too."

He opens his mouth to talk and he says, "I won't deny that but you're so much closer to Finn than you are to me. Plus, Finn looks at me weird when I'm around you."

Finn does think that Seth has a thing for you. You look the same way at Veronica when she's around Finn. You two get so jealous sometimes, you won't deny that fact.

"Finn looks at everyone weird," you say. "I don't know if you've noticed that."

As your eyes scan the room, you find Finn. He's standing with Veronica and one of the other English professors, Mr. Kevin Owens. You sigh. Seth looks back to see Finn talking with Veronica and Kevin before looking back at you.

Seth says, "You're either jealous or upset that he's talking to Veronica. I heard what happened when she walked into his office on the first day. You told her off and she's been upset over that for the past four months."

You say, "I'm not surprised. She's been harassing him for a while from what I understand. He's been rejecting her."

He laughs and says, "She's been after him since she got hired. The English Department head loves her. Finn's been saying no to her for years but she won't lay off him. Everyone was shocked when you of all people said something to her."

"How many people know that I said something?" you ask, looking up at Seth. 

Seth says, "A lot of people do. I think some people from all departments know what happened. It's not exactly a secret, Y/N."

You facepalm and say, "Great."

After a second, Seth says, "Oh, shit."

You look up at Seth. "What?" you ask. "What's happening?"

"Veronica is all over Finn," he says. "Kevin left and it's just the two of them. He's pushing her away from him."

You turn and look at Finn. Veronica is all over him. Kevin is walking away from them. Anger rises inside of you.

Seth says, "For someone who isn't your boyfriend, you're sure acting like he is. You look so mad, Y/N."

You look at Seth and say, "Excuse me for a second, Seth." You walk toward Finn. Your boyfriend looks over at you and says something to Veronica. She looks over at you and rolls her eyes.

Finn looks at you and says, "Y/N, nice to see ya."

"You too, Finn," you say, looking at him. "You looked like you could use some help." You look over at Veronica, glaring at her. "No offense."

She forces a smile and says, "Full offense taken."

Seth walks up beside you and asks, "Everything okay over here?"

You look at Seth then look at Finn. Veronica says, "Everything's fine. Just making polite conversation. Nothing to be worried about."

Finn is staring at Seth. In Finn's defense, Seth is standing a little too close to you for comfort.

Seth snaps his fingers and says, "Oh, Veronica, I wanted to talk to you about something so can I borrow you for a second?"

She nods and walks off with Seth. When they're out of sight, Finn takes your wrist and walks with you outside the gym. "Finn," you gasp as you walk after him. "I'm in heels. Slow down."

The two of you walk around the building and Finn looks down at you. "Why is Seth hanging around you?" he asks.

"He walked up to me," you say. "I was getting my drink and he asked me to dance. I could ask you the same question. Why is Veronica hanging around you?"

Finn says, "She walked up to me as soon as I walked into the room. It's like she was staring down the door and waiting for me to walk in. Why? Is someone jealous?" He raises his eyebrows at you.

You say, "Every chance she gets, she's all over you. I'll tell her off again, I swear to God, Finn. I will. I'll throw her across the damn room if I have to."

He laughs and says, "Stay around me tonight. I want to make sure ya don't throw her across the room."

You pout and say, "I'm not complaining about being around you but I still want to throw her across the room."

Finn leans down and pecks your lips before he says, "Relax, Y/N. Ya won't want to throw her across the room in a few minutes."

Confused, you tilt your head at Finn and ask, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That's for me to know and for ya to find out," Finn says. "Come on. Let's head back inside before it looks suspicious that I dragged ya out here."

You nod and head back into the gym with Finn. You walk with Finn to one of the tables. He pulls out a seat for you and you sit down, scooting closer to the table with Finn's help. He sits beside you and says, "Feeling better?"

You nod again and say, "Much."

Right at that moment, Seth and Veronica walk over. Seth sits on the other side of you and Veronica sits on the other side of Finn. You sigh softly and take a large gulp of your drink.

"Everything okay?" Seth asks, seeing you take the large sip of your drink.

You say, "Everything's just peachy."

After you say that, you feel Finn's hand on your knee under the table. The red table cover hides his hand on your knee.

Finn asks, "So what did the two of you need to talk about?"

Seth replies by saying, "I was going to come by and talk about the history behind the book she's going to be assigning her class to read in a few weeks."

"What book would that be?" you ask, looking at Veronica.

She says, "The Diary of Anne Frank. We analyze that book like no tomorrow. Usually, I have one of the history professors come in and talk about the historical context behind the Holocaust and everything. Seth knew this so he asked if he could be this year's speaker."

You look at Seth and say, "Oh, really? Well, I look forward to seeing you come to class in the future."

Finn's hand slide up your thigh under it's right under your skirt. You take another sip of your drink to wash away the nerves. Finn's never touched you when you're at the school, except for the three times you've had sex in his office since graduation day last May.

Seth says, "I do as well."

You finish your drink and look at the ice in the cup. You say, "I'm going to go get another drink. I'll be right back."

You start to get up and Finn's hand slides off your thigh.

"I'll come with ya," Finn suddenly says. "I've been needing a drink myself." He stands up and walks with you to the minibar.

You ask, "What do you think you're doing, Finn? You can just put your hand on my knee like that."

Finn stands beside you at the minibar as you order another Coke and vodka. He leans down and says in your ear, "I did and I will again."

You're handed your refilled drink and look over at Finn. "You're being very touchy-feely tonight and it better stop unless you want the relationship coming out into the open."

He says, "I'm a little drunk and a little jealous that Seth can just openly flirt with ya."

"Now you know how I feel," you say, sipping your drink. "We both get a little jealous, don't we?"

Finn secretly leaves a few soft kisses to your jawline as he says, "I'll lead to some really hot, jealous sex tonight."

You giggle and say, "If you're that lucky. You won't be lucky if you keep kissing my jaw when our co-workers are around."

He smirks and says, "Touche, my love."

After the little conversation that left your core aching for Finn, you head back to the table. Clearing your throat, you sit back down.

You cross your legs under the table in case Finn gets any ideas. His hand goes back to its spot on your thigh when he's settled next to you.

You, Finn, Seth, and Veronica make small conversation.

Veronica asks, "So, Seth, have you been seeing anyone recently? Or have your eye on someone?"

Seth looks directly at you and says, "I have my eye on someone. I don't think she feels the same though."

Finn grips your thigh a bit after he slides it up a bit. You gasp and cough to cover it up. You take a sip of your drink.

"What about you, Y/N? Dating anyone or talking to anyone?" Veronica asks, eyes staring into your soul.

You say, "I'm dating someone but it's none of your business who it is."

Seth nudges me with his elbow and says, "Tell us about him. What's he like? Does he go to school here?"

You look over at Seth and say, "He's not from around here. He's from Europe. France, actually. He's home visiting his family for the holidays."

Veronica says, “Oh, wow. What’s his name?”

Quickly, a name pops into your head. “Francis Blanchet,” you say. Finn’s initials. F.B.

Finn snickers under his breath. Seth asks, “What’s so funny, Finn?”

“Nothing,” he says, pulling his phone out quickly. “Just got a funny text. That’s all.”

Veronica says, “Well, I have my eyes on someone.”

You shoot a glare as Veronica and say, “We’re all aware that you stalk Finn because you’re in love with him.”

Finn and Seth both stare at me as Veronica says, “You’re acting like you’re in love with him or something.”

I am, you think to yourself but you say out loud, “I have a boyfriend in France and Finn never told us if he was dating anyone.”

All three of you look at Finn. He looks at you and says, “I am.”

“There we go,” you say, glaring at Veronica. “Stop chasing a man who’s taken.”

Finn gets up and says, “Alright. I’m diffusing the situation before it gets too out of hand so, Y/N.” You look up at him. “Come dance with me.”

You get up and take Finn’s offered hand that he held out to you after he asked you to dance. Veronica’s jaw drops and asks, “What about me?”

“You sound like a five-year-old and you’re, what, 35?” you ask. “Grow up”

Finn walks away with you, hand in hand.

Snow in California by Ariana Grande is playing. There are a lot of pairs on the dance floor so you walk to the other side, out of sight of Seth and Veronica.

Finn takes you in his arms and you wrap your arms around his waist, both of you swaying to the music.

He’s looking down at you and you look up at him. Finn’s face is close to yours and he says, “Ya are jealous.”

You smile and say, “Maybe a little. She’s claiming you like you’re hers.”

“I’m yours, my love,” Finn says to you. “All yours. I may not show it a lot when we’re here at school but I do love ya. A lot.”

You stare up into Finn’s eyes and you say, “I really wanna kiss you right now.”

Finn’s tongue swipes over his bottom lip and he says, “I really wanna do more than just kiss ya right now. Our little conversation earlier made me a little too excited.”

You bite your lip lightly and say, “Let’s head out soon and we can go to whoever’s place is closer and you can do more than just kiss me all night long.”

He nods and says, “Ya leave in a half hour and I’ll follow behind ya after about ten minutes.”

You nod and pull yourself closer to Finn, staring up at him.

Someone clears their throat and taps you on the shoulder. You turn and see Seth Rollins. “Can I get a dance?” he asks innocently.

You look up at Finn and he has a jealous look in his eyes but he says: “Sure. Find me after, Y/N.”

He hands you over to Seth and walks off. You look up at Seth and he says, “I’m surprised that he said yes. I thought he was gonna kill me right then and there.”

You say, “He’s a little possessive of me. I mean, look around the room. I’m the youngest person in here. He just wants to make sure I’m safe.”

Seth says, “I do too, but if you were my girlfriend then I wouldn’t leave your side.”

You stare up at Seth and say, “For the last time, Finn and I aren’t-”

“Cut the bull,” he says, cutting you off. You close your mouth. “When Ver said that you were acting like you were in love with him, you muttered ‘I am’. I heard you. The way you look at him, I wish you’d look at me that way.”

Seth looks behind you and you glance behind you. Veronica is trying to kiss Finn and you look at Seth. You say, “I can’t do anything without it looking suspicious.”

Seth says, “I’ll handle it.”

He turns to walk away before you take his wrist, saying, “No. I’ll handle it. I don’t care anymore.”

You walk over to Veronica and Finn. You look at Finn and say to Veronica, “What would Finn’s girlfriend think if she found you were moving in on Finn. She's not here but imagine if she walked through that door and saw you trying to kiss her man."

Veronica looks at you before she asks, "What would your boyfriend think if you were defending Finn like you were the one dating him?"

Finn looks over at you and says, "Because she is the one dating me."

You, Seth, and Veronica all look at Finn. Finn smiles and says, "She's Finn's girlfriend." You smile when he refers to himself in the third person. "And I am head over heels for her."

He walks over to you and you stare up at him. Seth smiles behind you as Veronica says, "This is highly inappropriate. She's your former student."

"Keyword," Finn says, not looking away from me. "Former. She graduated in May, she's not my student anymore. She's just my co-worker and my girlfriend."

You giggle and say, "I am."

Finn rests his hands on my cheeks and says, "Ya said how much ya wanted to kiss me earlier. What's stopping ya now?"

You smile and say, "Nothing." Your hands fly to the back of Finn's neck and you pull him down to you. His lips crash to yours and start to move against yours. Seth claps behind you and Finn smiles against your lips.

Veronica says, "Whatever." She walks off.

Seth says, "Okay, okay. Let's not suck off each other's faces in front of everyone."

Finn pulls back and smiles down at you. You look at Seth and say, "Thanks for like not freaking out."

Seth smiles and says, “You guys are cute. I kind of suspected something day one and was waiting for the day that you guys made it public. It was also why I never made a move on Y/N even though I liked her.”

You laugh a bit and Finn says, “I think I’m starting to like ya a little more.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Seth says. “Go home and take care of that.” He motions to Finn’s hand on my butt. “I know how you two are just dying to leave so go ahead.”

Finn doesn’t waste any time in grabbing my clutch and my hand before running out the door. You laugh as you try to keep up with Finn.

***

Finn’s place is the closest to the school. He lives in a three floor Victorian house. You guess with a professors salary he can afford this on his own. You’ve been here a few times before but he likes to come to your apartment.

He parks your car in his driveway and gets out. You get out and walk into his house. Once the front door is closed, Finn’s lips connect to yours and your hands fly to his hair. You smile into the kiss and kick off your heels by the door. Finn sheds his jacket.

The two of you stumble toward the stairs. Finn’s tie comes off and you start to unbutton his shirt as you walk up the stairs.

Once up the stairs, Finn shrugs his shirt off and unzips the top of your dress. You throw the piece of clothing onto the hallway floor and Finn picks you up by your thighs.

The kiss has gotten more intense when you and Finn slip your tongues into each other’s mouths. He pins you against the hallway wall.

“Finn,” you giggle against his lips. “Your room is right upstairs.”

He says, “I can’t wait that long.”

Finn pulls off your skirt and you reach down to unbutton his jeans. He walks upstairs to the third floor and into his bedroom.

You’re dropped on the bed and he pulls off his dress pants. He kicks off his shoes before leaning down and hovering over you.

His lips are on your breasts, kissing and sucking one while his hand groping the other. You moan softly and run your fingers through Finn’s hair as he pays attention to your breasts.

You lift your hips up so your clothed core rubs against Finn’s bulge. He lets out a soft groan so you do it again. And again. Until he pins your hips to the bed.

“Relax, my love,” he says, pulling down your soaked red lace panties. “We’re gonna get there.”

You bite your lip and look up at Finn, saying, “I need you inside of me right now, Finn. Please.” Desperation is laced in your voice.

The room is dark but you know that Finn’s looking at your now fully naked body as he throws your panties to the floor. He gets himself out of his boxers and hovers back over you.

Finn pulls you close to him and kisses you. Your lips move feverishly against his as his top runs through your wet folds. You moan into the kiss.

He pushes himself into you, making you moan louder.

You love when you have sex at Finn’s house instead of your apartment because you can be as loud as you want. Your neighbors can hear you when you’re with Finn in your apartment. There’s no one around in Finn’s house.

Finn moves slowly, letting you adjust to him inside of you. You gasp and moan as he pulls back from the kiss. His lips attach to your neck and he starts thrusting harder and faster into you.

“God, Finn,” you moan, throwing your head back. “Fuck, right here.” He moves deeper into you and he grazes your g-spot with his top.

You moan loudly and your back arches off the bed. Your hands are on Finn’s back, digging your nails into his flesh.

Finn’s now kissing your jaw, panting a bit by your ear.

He mumbles, “I love you, Y/N. I love you so much.”

Finn thrusts faster and you moan, “I love you too, Finn. So much.”

The room is filled with your moans and the sound of skin slapping as Finn thrusts into you.

It takes a little bit before both of you reach your highs at the same time. You release around Finn and he releases into you. You scream Finn’s name as you climax.

Finn helps you ride out your high and kisses you messily. Both of you are breathing heavily as you come down from your highs.

He gets off of you and he says, “Come with me.” He puts on his boxers. You grab one of his shirts and put your panties on. Your legs are a little weak but you follow Finn. His hand is in yours. He pulled the blankets off the bed and he walks downstairs with you and the blankets.

“Where are we going?” you ask, walking into the living room.

Finn gets the fireplace started and you smile. He lays out the blankets in front of it and he lays down. “Come cuddle,” he says.

You giggle and lay down beside him. He wraps his arms around you and you throw your arm lazily across his waist. Your head rests on his chest and you intertwine your legs with his.

The two of you lay in front of the warm fireplace for an hour before a clock goes off.

It’s midnight. It’s Christmas Day.

Finn smiles and looks down at you. “I know we promised not to get each other anything,” he says. “But I have something for you.”

You watch as Finn gets up and grabs a little present from under his tree. The present is big enough to fit in your hand. He sits next to you and holds it out to you.

“Finn,” you say, sitting up and crossing your legs. “You didn’t have to get me anything.” You take the gift from him.

He smiles and says, “I know. Just open it.”

You smile and start to open the gift. Inside the gift wrap is a dark red velvet box. You look up at Finn and he’s smiling. Slowly, you open the box.

Inside the box is a ring with an oval diamond. You look up at Finn again and ask, “What’s this?”

Finn smiles and says, “A ring.”

“Why?” you ask as he takes the ring out of the box.

He holds it out to you and moves so he’s on one knee. Your eyes widen. “The past few months have been some of the best of my life. I love you, Y/N. More than you think. I didn’t know that when ya walked into my classroom a year ago that we’d be here. When ya came to me on graduation day and told me how ya felt, I knew that I wanted ya in my life forever. So, I’m asking ya for forever.”

You stare at the ring in Finn’s hand as he talks.

“Marry me, Y/N.”