#going back in fucking JULY; they said I should notice an effect by a week or so but knowing my body I'll just

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Oh my god I am literally never getting an answer for this

[heavyhitterheaux]

Clean Up On Aisle Heartbreak

Brie's Tale as told by @earthtoharlow

Heaux Tales of Jack Harlow

Stupid

Stupid

Stupid

That's all you could think as you sat on your bed no longer being able to hold back your sobs. You could not believe that the man who made you feel on top of the world, was married with three beautiful children.

Ever since you saw those photos you’ve felt lost. You fell for a man who didn’t even exist. What made you upset the most was that you didn’t know which parts of him were real and which were not, which words were honest and which were blatant lies.

Months ago when Jack told you that he wanted to "take things slow". It should have made alarms go off in your head but It was too late, you were already wrapped up in his charm. You could not help but think about the day the two of you met, wishing you ignored that boyish grin and bright blue eyes.

——————-

You stared at the rows and rows of juice in front of you with both hands on your hips. Penny pinching was the only way you could make ends meet. Sure, working as a nurse at one of the largest hospitals in town came with great benefits, but since this was your first job after graduating nursing school you lacked work experience. Your salary barely covered standard monthly expenses.

You wanted that juice. Which happened to be half off with your coupon but of course the very last bottle was pushed all the way in the back of the fridge. You decided to say "fuck it" and yanked open the refrigerator door, you placed your croc covered foot on the bottom shelf hoping it would give you a bit of a boost. If you could just reach a little further to knock it down....

“Let me help”

The smooth voice sent a delicious shiver down your spine. You would have moved out his way but the gentleman placed a hand on the small of your back and leaned into the fridge with you. You could not have moved if your life depended on it. With barely a stretch, he grabbed the juice and placed it inside your basket with your other groceries.

You were breathless when you looked up at the man in the front of you. You let out a tiny gasp when you noticed how close he still was to you. You took a small step back so you could fully take in the beautiful man in front of you.

“Thank you.” was all you could manage to spit out as you continued to stare at him. He stepped out of the fridge and closed the door before giving you a big smile like he knew the effect he was having on you. "No problem, ma" he said in that deep voice that set a flame burning low in your stomach. You were staring, you almost wanted to touch your mouth to make sure you were not drooling.

This tall and broad man made you remember how long it had been since you had sex. With focusing on graduating nursing school and then packing everything up and moving across the country it had been almost two years. All this man had to do was touch you to awaken the beast.

You just realized again that you were still staring at this man like he was a popsicle on the 4th of July. "Well, thanks again. You tore your eyes away and grabbed your cart before turning to walk away. A man was the last thing you needed in your life right now. You were almost out the aisle before you heard him speak again. "Thank you for your service".

You turned around before giving him a questioning look. He then gestured towards your nurse scrubs. If you were a praying woman you would have dropped to your knees and thanked God that you actually wore a nice form fitting pair of scrubs today. You gave him a bright smile before thanking him."I have never had someone say that to me before, thank you.” You say as you stretch your hand out for him to shake.

“I’m Brianna, by the way, but everyone calls me Brie.” Shaking my outreached hand and without letting go he introduces himself. "I’m Jackman.” He says with a flirty smile."Everyone but my mom calls me Jack.” He joked.

"Are you new in town? I come to this grocery store every week and I have never seen you before" Jack asked curiously while still holding on to your hand. Your face warmed as you looked down at your joined hands before answering."Yeah, I’ve been here for about 2 months now, and decided to be an adult, stop ordering takeout and actually buy groceries".

He threw his head back in laughter. You could listen to that forever."Well Brie, I have been here my whole life so if you ever need a tour guide, I am your guy". If you knew what you knew now. You would have never given him your number.

���————————

You sighed in content as you ran your fingers through Jack’s curls as he slept peacefully next to you. With work and Jack being out of town this was the first time you’ve seen each other in 2 weeks.

As you were just about to fall asleep, you heard his phone vibrating. You tried to ignore it but the phone just would not stop. Reaching out to grab his phone to turn it off you noticed almost a dozen texts from the contact "Wifey" wondering when he was coming home to read the kids bedtime stories.

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you opened his messages. The phone almost dropped from your hands as you saw hundreds of texts between Jack and multiple women. You could feel tears start to well up within your eyes, and a lump start to form in your throat containing a choked sob. You put a hand over your mouth to try to muffle your cry. The more you scrolled the worse it seemed to get.

You took a quick glance at Jack to make sure he was still knocked out. Then decided to look through his photos only finding photos of his friends and work related things. You almost wanted to let out a sigh of relief before you noticed the private album. You unlocked it on the first try and your mouth dropped when you saw multiple family photos. Wedding photos included.

Jack was pictured with 3 beautiful kids who looked like a splitting image of him. He couldn’t deny them even if he wanted to.

How could someone be so cruel? How could this man sleep peacefully knowing that he’s hurting so many people?

You hated yourself even more for unknowingly contributing to the pain and suffering his wife and kids were going to experience.

You slowly climbed out of bed, careful not to wake him up. Your heart felt like it was gonna fall out of your chest. Just breathing the same air as Jack was making you feel queasy.

Just as your hand touched the doorknob, you heard Jack call out for you. You silently cursed under your breath, and quickly wiped the tears from your eyes.

You turned around just as Jack walked into the living room.

“Hey, where you heading off to? Thought you were gonna stay the night?” He questioned as he rubbed the sleep out his eyes.

You took a deep breath, trying to get your emotions together before you replied.

“Yeah, sorry! Um, work called. There’s an emergency at the hospital, so they need all hands on deck.” You needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.

You watched as Jack ran his fingers through his hair and pouted at you. 10 minutes ago you probably would’ve found this adorable, now you were just disgusted.

Jack sighed before walking towards you and pulling you into a hug, you tried not to feel stiff in his arms. These were the arms of a monster.

You closed your eyes as Jack kissed your forehead, then your nose before giving you a long kiss on the lips. You tried to savor this moment knowing that this would never happen again.

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

@raelorns21

@variety-fangirl

@gbaabyyyy

@kamorsstuff

@harlowthot

@sinsandsuccubus

@curlyhairclub

@bootlegroach

@haylexo10

@thinkingaboutjharlow

@fluidsentiment

@charli123456789

@moody4world

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@yana4life

@beanbagbitch

@alinaharlow

@carma-fanficaddict

@minaxcarter

@arination99

@xjup1t3r

@venusvinc

@jacksmoviestar

@jackharloww

@midnight-star47

@minkookie95

@inluvwithladybug

@exoticr0ses

@jharlowsangels

@jackierose902109

@jackmansbabymama

@cmalass

@megawhoree

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@miniaturehideoutmentality

@hoya122

@nattinatalia

@jackslover12

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@fdl305

@automaticpeachsong

@harlowcomehome

@gassyandsassy1

@babygirlwilly

@amethyst09

@harrycanyonmoonn

@toocriticalharlow

@tattered-tales

@sisiking99

@dessxoxsworld

@gillybear17

@jacksdaycare

@iheartharlow

@disaster-rose

@babyvinnie

@evansxchalamet

@chtkmyharlow​

@itsyagirljaz

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@awhore4moree

[daintyduck99]

i’ll help enable some procrastination lol, how about “you’re lucky that you’re cute” and/or “wait you think i’m cute?” for lukebobby

Bobby definitely didn’t sign up for this. 

“Story of my life,” he mumbles as Alex continues to make small talk with some pretty skater boy, ears red from more than the sun beating down on them. Julie glances at Bobby like maybe she actually heard him, but Reggie quickly recaptures her attention, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand and making her giggle. 

Luke's the worst out of all of them, though. He and that damned acoustic make for the most insufferable couple on the boardwalk.

He won't even eat unless someone feeds him because he refuses to put it down. Luke's only had his acoustic for two weeks, but he's never been more infatuated, not even when Julie introduced Reggie to eyeliner and everyone in the room got a little stupid. They don’t talk about that, and this? This is getting old. 

It’s taking up too much space at the end of the bench as he tunes it. Not that Alex minds, since he gets to stand close to his skater boy. Bobby minds, as it forces him to either stick himself to Julie or let the end of the bench dig into his ass. Both options suck, and Bobby huffs as Julie’s hair tickles his shoulder whenever she shakes her head at Reggie. Which happens a lot. She smells good, coconutty, which he shouldn’t be noticing, but what else is there for him to do? 

They’ve busked so much today that Bobby’s throat is sore, and Julie probably has a bruise on her hip from her tambourine, which would explain why she’d shoved it in her bag earlier when Luke wasn’t looking. Not that she had to rush, because Luke only has eyes for his dumb fucking guitar. He doesn’t even look away from it as he gets up, and Bobby should say something—

“Ow!” 

Well, it kind of serves him right, but Luke looks so pitiful as he rubs his forehead and glares at the pole he’d walked headlong into that Bobby’s chest constricts. Then Luke immediately starts inspecting his acoustic for damage, and Bobby can breathe again as the pesky feelings battering around in his ribcage return to their usual surface state of vague irritation. 

Bobby glances at their friends. Alex is still immersed in his conversation, and Julie and Reggie are leaning on one another as they—look at a cloud? They’re probably flirting or some other cute shit. Bobby unglues himself from Julie’s thigh—it’s fucking hot out—and stalks over to Luke with a sigh.

"You're lucky that you're cute. What were you hoping to accomplish, dumbass?” 

Luke rips his eyes away from his guitar to blink owlishly at Bobby. "Wait, you think I'm cute?" 

Great. Now he decides to pay attention. Story. Of Bobby’s. Fucking. Life. He scowls. 

"I said that you vex me and you're rude."

“Sure,” Luke scoffs, smirking as his surprise melts into his typical swagger. “Maybe if you got possessed by the ghost of some pining regency dude. You gonna swoon over me next?” 

Time to play his ace. “Nah. Reggie’s the heartthrob of the band.” 

It’s about as effective as unpinning a live grenade. Their entire group erupts into a heated conversation, including interjections from skater boy, the eyeliner gets brought up again, and Luke finally gets so invested in what’s going on that he starts treating his guitar like an object, although this means he also sticks his wet finger in Bobby’s ear. 

That’s okay, though. Bobby did sign up for that.

[airplanelanding]

Merlin/Arthur Fic Rec List

This is going to be a long post, so the recs start blow the cut!

I wanted to make a fic rec list!! So, here I am. Should be doing my uni homework that's due tonight but I am a terrible procrastinator.

I will probably make another one later on when I have more time that is more organized, but this one is in no particular order.

Last Updated 23 Sept. 2021

Also, quickly, a big thank you to @kickassfu for the making gif above for this post, ilysm Maf!!

Onto the fics!

Unsaid Love by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Return Fic; Angst with a Happy Ending

Wordcount: 4,022

Quick Summary: Songfic for the song Unsaid Emily from Julie & the Phantoms. Follows Merlin through the years as every century on Arthur's birthday more and more of a song is revealed to him when he goes to sleep. [Regency setting fic]

-- I am still not over this fic of @aeonthedimensionalgirl's, this fic is literally incredible. It is so good. I recommend reading it with Unsaid Emily playing on repeat in the background.

The Wisdom Of The Ages by tehfanglyfish

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Fluff; Getting Together

Wordcount: 4,200

Quick Summary: "Saving Arthur while disguised as Dragoon the Great was all well and good until the king decided the old sorcerer deserved a reward. On the run from Arthur, Merlin finds sanctuary in an elderly women's social club. What was supposed to be a one-time visit becomes a regular part of Merlin's week, as he returns each Friday to discuss recipes, commiserate about aches and pains, and lament the state of his love life." - Summary directly from AO3

-- Such a good fic, honestly, like. Merlin befriends Camelot's elderly ladies. Need I say more? It's great.

Forgetful Days by OnceFutureEmrys

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Fluff; Modern AU

Wordcount: 620

Quick Summary: "Arthur is very forgetful. Luckily, Merlin is there to help." - Summary directly from AO3

-- Seriously, @oncefutureemrys this fic is so cute and it's just great, def recommend it

Home in Your Arms by OnceFutureEmrys

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Pining; Fluff; Modern AU

Wordcount: 1,574

Quick Summary: "Arthur is missing Merlin when when he hears someone knocking on the door..." - Summary directly from AO3

-- Yes, another one from OFE, because I love her and her fics. This fic is so sweet, it is a modern University AU!

Ink On A Page by Hisa_Ai

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Pining; Fluff

Wordcount: 2,170

Quick Summary: Merlin writes his feelings on parchment, because if they are on paper, they are just words on a page, and not really his and didn't hold any meaning. One day Arthur notices him writing on one of these pieces of parchment.

-- Literally so beautiful. I loved this fic so much, and I recommend it so much. It is a canon era confessions fic, and it's just so good.

Fool Me Once by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Type: Humor; Magic Revealed; Dark Humor

Wordcount: 18, 728

Quick Summary: "Uther finds out about Merlin’s magic, but can’t seem to kill him. Merlin is just trying to protect Arthur. They become a begrudgingly effective duo. Arthur doesn't understand why they think he isn't noticing this." - Summary directly from AO3

-- I mean, can I just recommend this entire series? Seriously, the series this fic is in is just--excellent. I love this fic. It has Immortal Merlin and Uther Knowing about his magic. Seriously, though, just this series is amazing ahah Exceptionally Exceptional, Calling the Middleman, Returning the Favor, In Which Arthur Lets a Sorcerer Live and Regrets It, just to name a few, are incredible and I definitely recommend reading them.

for my beating heart is far too small for the entirety of my love for you by kickassfu

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Fluff; Established Relationship

Wordcount: 1,566

Quick Summary: Arthur is trying to learn a little magic to surprise Merlin at his coronation after their wedding.

-- So, I actually gave @kickassfu the prompt for this one. And oh my gods. How they did it? So soft, sweet. It is so good, and I 100% recommend you check it out!

That’s my Man by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Emotional Hurt/Comfort; Magic Revealed; Arranged Marriage; Angst with a Happy Ending

Wordcount: 2,287

Quick Summary: "By ancient, prophesied law, Arthur Pendragon must wed Emrys.

Problem is no one knows who they are." - Summary directly from AO3

-- I told you Aeon would be on here again! Love this fic so much. Love magic reveals, love arranged marriages. Seriously, this is great.

the house is flooded (as is his heart) by powered_by_notes

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Domestic Fluff; Return Fic

Wordcount: 2,281

Quick Summary: Arthur leaves to do some work in town, and Merlin runs into a bit of trouble with the cottage and their chickens while he's gone.

-- They have chickens. Enough said. No but really, this is so good, they live in a cottage and they have chickens and I definitely recommend this fic.

Emrys the Really, Truly Terrible by lindenwaverly

Rating: Teens & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Magic Reveal, Emrys Reveal

Wordcount: 15,241

Quick Summary: Arthur has repealed the ban on magic, but Merlin still hasn't come clean about his identity. The issue comes in where, Arthur wants Emrys to be his Court Sorcerer

-- literally. cackled. this is so great, i loved this one. i read it in the morning and do not regret it one bit. some of the dialogue just killed me. it's a great fic, and you should definitely read it.

Arthur Pendragon's Business Judgment Rule by oddishly

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Woke Up Married

Wordcount: 27,459

Quick Summary: "Arthur and Merlin wake up married. Camelot is in the middle of treaty negotiations with a visiting king. It's okay, Arthur has a plan." - Summary directly from AO3

Lord Drake's Bequest by Pennyplainknits

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Modern Era, Fake Relationship

Wordcount: 9,966

Quick Summary: " "To my great-nephew Arthur I bequeath Tintagel Distribution, wholly and without reserve, save for one condition. You must marry, and stay married, for a period of no less than six months. You're a wonderful businessman Arthur, but a full life needs love and companionship, not just a string of affairs. Settle down young Arthur, and your life will be the richer for it." " - Summary directly from AO3

of all things magic, a cerulean haze by powered_by_notes

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Magic Reveal

Wc: 7,092

Summary: "When Arthur goes missing, Merlin goes off on his own searching for him. He knows to look for things that the others simply do not and has things at his disposal that the others, again, simply do not.

. . .Magical things, of course.

In all his power, worry, anger, and relentless searching, he has no idea the missing king is being shown all the things that Merlin is doing with that power.

. . .Magical things, of course." - Summary directly from AO3

-- Loved this sm. Gods, I was supposed to read this ages ago, but only FINALLY just found the time to last night and it was so great. Arthur is kidnapped while out doing smth for Merlin and it's just really good.

On the Run by Sorceressofdragons

Rating: E

Archive Warnings: None Apply

Type: Modern AU

Wordcount: 18,155

Summary: After an unsuccessful attempt on their lives, new neighbours Arthur and Merlin decide to take off into the woods. Their destination is Morgana’s country estate, but these two city boys don’t know anything about survival—so if the foxes don’t get them, the lack of Monster Munch might. Featuring sex mishaps, weird food, walking in circles, and some obligatory cuddling. Oh, and Merlin is hung. - Summary directly from AO3

-- fucking KILLED me. This was just -- it was great. Literally, from the start I SWORE i knew the who and why only to discover I was totally off with the *why* and it was fantastic.

Hear Your Heart Sing (Love, Love, Love) by schweet_heart

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: None Apply

Type: Soulmate Au, Modern Au

Wordcount: 15,834

Summary: Merlin used to like the idea of finding The One – until he fell in love with Arthur Pendragon. Now he has a boss he can't date (but can't stop thinking about), a soulmate he can't find (who has terrible taste in music), and a best friend who can't believe he still hasn't got his act together (even though it's seriously not his fault).Sometimes, life is unfairly complicated, even without your soulmate singing painfully catchy tunes in the back of your head. - Summary directly from AO3

-- This one was just great. The soulmates, the songs, the misunderstandings--it was great. I loved this one.

Note to Idiot by tinylilremus

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warnings: None Apply

Type: Harry Potter AU, Modern AU

Wordcount: 9,762

Summary: Arthur and Merlin are members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad who work different shifts and share the same office. Arthur, who works the day shift, can't stand the rain. Merlin, who works the night shift, can't concentrate without it.

When they both get tired of changing the weather in the magical window in their underground office, is there a more British way to settle their differences than with a few passive-aggressive memos? - Summary directly from AO3

-- HP AU! A Ministry AU at that! I literally. I loved this so much. Merlin & Arthur are both in the AMRS, different shifts, and it's just hnsdsjdkh it's so good. Really, it's great. And we get to see them on the job a bit!!! Which is fun. This one is def a great one to read, esp if you like HP AUs

as stated previously, this list is being frequently updated with more fics!!!

[parkers-gal]

why T.H.

wc: 6k (angst)

jerk!tom makes an appearance

You were angry, that was for sure. Tom knew why, it was his fault after all, but he'd never admit it. He would never 'man up' to you and just apologize like he should. At least, not when he should, but he would later, when the damage was already done and set in.

Truth be told, you were furious. How could he do that when he promised not to? You were more hurt than angry, if you were being honest. You didn't want to be the 'mother' but quite frankly, you were disappointed too.

It was your dream to own a bakery, but a bakery in London was something to get your hopes up. Dreaming big never ended well for you in the past, but after years of working your ass off, you had managed to achieve something you had wanted since you were young.

Your bakery, Flour Before Frosting, also happened to be where you met Tom, your boyfriend of almost 18 months. He had walked in one day, charming with a dashing smile, and asked for "your best made velvets, frosted with your number." You remember that day vividly, for it was one of the many times Tom would drop by before eventually taking you out and officially making you his girlfriend. Eight months and 17 days later, you moved out of your crappy flat and into his house (though it really just made things easier because you were already over every night).

You were in your shared bedroom, writing down new plans for how to decorate your bakery for the holidays.

"Hey, babe!" Tom called.

"In here, Tom," you yelled back.

"Oh- hey, luv. Got an old friend visiting next week, so I won't be by for our Wednesday lunch plans," he informed you.

"Oh, okay. Do you want some cupcakes and tea? Gonna have a new batch on Tuesday, fresh with new tea that Jackson just got. I think he made it- anyways, he gave me a sample a few weeks and I absolutely loved it. I think you'll like it too, it's just right for you." You rambled, and Tom laughed and shook his head at you.

"Yeah, darling. I'd love some cupcakes for my guest, gonna have to show off your amazing skills, aren't I?"

You blushed, waving your hand in the air as a hint for him to leave so he would stop flustering you. He ran over to kiss your cheek, leaving a Hershey kiss on your desk before yelling out that he'd be at the gym with Harrison for the next two hours.

Wednesday had come by, and you were on a lunch break, leaving Jackson in charge before heading to your favorite café for coffee and some light reading, and maybe even more planning. Heading in, you ordered and sat down in a booth. The door chime rung, making you look up from your papers and notebooks you had spread out to start your organizing. Tom, and what must've been his friend, walked in. You smiled as they went to the side of the restaurant with the small library of old, vintage books. They were facing away from you, sitting side by side in the angled lounge chairs. You were about to go over to and say 'hi' but your waitress came by with your coffee, so you stayed seated and went back to your work.

You saw Tom with the Tupperware box you gave him, enclosed with the small lunch note you always wrote him. He opened the box, giving a cupcake to the man talking to him (you were right in earshot), before reaching in for his, and the note. Before he got the chance to even look at it, his friend spoke up, frosting on his upper lip.

"You said these were made by a friend? This is fucking disgusting. Is it chocolate or..? Damn, ew, is this frosting healthy?" he laughed.

Tom nodded along, "I, uh, honestly couldn't uhm.." he trailed off, his friend looking at him with a confused expression, expectantly thinking for Tom to agree with him. "Yeah, man, I don't really fucking know."

His friend took another small nibble before playfully gagging, and looking at Tom while he bit into it for the first time. Tom reacted in the same way, 'gagging', to agree with his friend, before putting it on the table with his friend's cupcake.

"Who made that? Certainly wasn't Gordon Ramsey."

At this, Tom laughed. Whether he thought it was funny, or if he was just trying to ease the tension, you couldn't tell. You were too busy blinking tears away.

"You said you had tea?" he questioned Tom. Tom nodded. "Good, need something to wash away that disgusting thing people call a cupcake."

You cringed, turning your head to the side with squinted eyes because you truly couldn't sit there and listen to what someone thought was wrong with your life's work.

Tom didn't reply, just getting the tea in the thermoses in his bag, handing one to his friend while opening his. You were contemplating on if his lack of response was a good thing. On one hand, he wasn't completely encouraging the hate you were getting, but on the other hand, he didn't stick up for you either. Right now, that was all you could think about. But then, everything slipped your mind when both boys tried the tea you had specially made (early, for it wasn't to be sold in your shop for about another month) just for them.

Tom opened his thermos, smiling when he took a sniff at it, because you were right. It smelt like something he would love. His friend, however, would not agree. Taking one sip, he was just as rude about it as he was with the cupcake, going as far as spitting it back into the thermos.

He got up, taking both cupcakes with him, and dumped the thermos out in the trash can, the cupcakes following not long after. He sat down next to Tom, shaking his head with a coy grin before speaking.

"Next time, let's get Chinese or something," he laughed, Tom nodding along with him before slipping both thermoses back into his bag, dropping your note in the process. Before he got to pick it up, his friend crumpled it up and threw it towards the trash can, laughing probably a little too loudly about it. You were certain he knew it was a note from Tom's girlfriend. 

You were still for five minutes, stunned. Ultimately, you decided to cut your lunch break short, packing up your stuff as quickly as possible, leaving a tip and rushing out, your back to the boys.

You had yet to bring anything up, though you weren't noticeably acting different around Tom. But when he mentioned the next week that his 'old friend' wanted to "eat dinner and get drunk" you were hesitant. You hoped this 'friend' was temporary, because the effects were already starting to show, and you didn't like what they were.

Tom didn't tell you when he'd be out with, Andrew, he said his name was? but you didn't think it would be the immediate week after the cupcake incident.

You were sitting on the kitchen stool, jotting down ideas for your shop when he came in.

"Oh, Y/N! Andrew and I decided to go out this Friday, said something about clubbing or shit. Anyways, he said don't expect me home early, but I might sneak away if he's drunk enough," he said, rather quickly, for while he was talking, he was filling a water bottle and grabbing some fruit.

"Wait, this Friday? I thought we-"

"Thanks, Y/N! Gotta head out," he was practically yelling, running to kiss you on the cheek before racing out and slamming the door shut.

Did he mean this Friday? His only day off for the rest of the month, the one where you two planned a film night, with take away and late night talks and star walks in the park?

It was only eight o'clock on a Wednesday morning, your late opening day, but you decided to head in early. Walking in, Jackson had already opened for you, being the gentleman he is, just setting up for the day, knowing you didn't want to walk in to a store full of customers without being there. He was sitting at a window table with his boyfriend, Jeremy, giggling and eating a muffin. When the door chime rung, he looked up, his boyfriend turning around to smile and wave while Jackson was coming towards you.

"Hey, Y/N! We're a little short on shortbread today," he laughed at his pun, "so I put in a new batch about 20 minutes ago. The chalk board is set up and the cappuccino machine is on-" he was about to turn away before he stopped abruptly. "Oh! And Tom stopped by while I was in the back. Jeremy said that he wanted you to know something about not eating cupcakes for this new diet? I don't know, he mentioned something about Anthony telling him about some diet that would help fo-"

"Andrew!" Jeremy cut in from behind, correcting him.

"Right, Andrew told him it would help for his job. So he said to stop making his weekly order."

"Oh," you weren't quite sure what you could say. Thank you? What the fuck? It was all jumbled into your brain too fast. "Thank you, J. Well, guess we should open shop for the day." With that, you worked until seven-thirty, an hour later than you usually would.

Arriving home, you walked in and set your bag down, heading for the kitchen to get water. Mid-drink, Tom walked in.

"Why are you home so late?"

You swallowed, placing the cup down, "I was working," you deadpanned, maneuvering around him so your shoulder wouldn't hit his on your way out. He followed you into the living room.

"It's almost 8!"

"Yeah? I don't know what you want me to say, Tommy. I'm sorry? I'll tell you what you want to hear, but that doesn't mean I mean it. "

He was silent for a second, laughing slightly, seemingly letting it go. You weren't joking, but you didn't want to argue, yet. "Right," he laughed again, "Sorry. I did want to talk to you though."

"We are talking."

"Smartass," he joked. You giggled slightly. "I've got to go back to press next week. I leave on Tuesday." You stopped laughing. 

"For how long?"

"I'm always gonna be away for the same amount of time, Y/N, you know that. I'll be back mid October." 

October? It was only the beginning of April.

"Well, I'll be back in London for a few days in July so you'll have that. Press ends around September, but I need to finish up Chaos Walking. I'll be here for Halloween though," he smiled encouragingly.

You nodded. "Okay.. do great things, Tommy," you always told him.

Friday rolled around, and you you were going to close the shop early for your night with Tom, but he was going out, so your plans were out the window. Instead, [your best friend] would be coming over at around eight. Tom would be gone by that time, right?

It didn't matter, because he wasn't even home when you got back from work. It was barely seven, you two usually had dinner together. Well, not this past week because he had plans with Harrison, and his brothers, and Andrew, and Tuwaine...and practically everyone else. Seeing as you had about an hour, you decided to shower, changing into some casual clothes. Tom was going clubbing... he wouldn't be back before 4 A.M., right? You didn't care, [your best friend] would spend the night anyways. You had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

You were wearing a cute tank, your favorite sleepwear, and some loose sweat pants. You were drying your hair with a towel when the doorbell rang. It rang again, so with the towel in your hand you ran down the stairs, yelling, "just a second," but it rang again. You swung the door open, confused, because [your best friend] always came in unannounced because you two were completely comfortable with each other. Instead, you were met with the boy from the cafe, Andrew. You looked around, and saw Tom's car parked by the curb, Tom waiting in the driver's seat while talking to someone in the back.

"Hey, Tom texted you or- whatever. We're going clubbing, can you get his stuff?"

"Uhm.. stuff?"

"Yeah.. he said you'd put his stuff inna backpack so he could get ready at my place," he answered confidently, as if you knew about this.

"I'm- uh, sorry? I don't have anything," you answered.

"What?" his eyes were wide with annoyance and disbelief.

The car honked, and Andrew turned around, shrugging his shoulder and mouthing something to Tom, before Tom came out and up to you.

"Didn't you get my text, Y/N? About the stuff sitting on my dresser?" he asked, straight up without so much as a 'hello' or 'how're you?'.

"No, I- no. No I didn't get your text, Tom."

"Well-"

"Well?" you interrupted.

"Thanks for, nothing I guess," he responded, moving past you and into the house to retrieve his things. Once again, you were left with Andrew on your porch, only this time he was eyeing you up and down, winking at you before yelling to Tom and going back to the car, Tom following not long after. This time, he didn't even bother saying goodbye on his way out. Just as they drove off, [your best friend] walked up.

"What the hell was that?" she shrieked.

"What?"

"That whole, 'thanks for nothing' bullshit. What kind of boyfriend thinks he can say that to his girlfriend?!"

You started heading in, taking one of her bags with you as she followed you inside. Placing her things down, you turned around, giving her a bear hug which she gladly returned.

"It wasn't that bad. Besides, he's been worse this week," you explained.

She was silent for a moment, shaking her head before talking. "Okay, I see why you called for a girl's night on such short notice. C'mon, lets get changed into some pajamas and get the snacks ready. It's been far too long since we've had actual time with each other," she gave you a sentimental smile, soft and sweet. You nodded, already planning on what to get and where to make the fort of blankets you already knew she wanted.

About half an hour later, she was in comfortable clothes, and you were in the kitchen making hot chocolate, getting chips and dip and pretzels and candy and everything in between. You had both decided to use the guest bedroom, which was accompanied with it's own bathroom. The room was probably a little smaller than the master bedroom, which was normal, but the bathroom was more expensive than yours. Plus, this one was used when the boys came over, so the Xbox, all the video games, movies, and the music equipment was here. Even with all this expensive stuff, the room was still as big as ever, so putting a fort in front of the bed barely took up any space.

You had to make at least three trips for all the food and stuff you were bringing, and because this was a guest bedroom, it had a mini refrigerator. Both of you decided to keep it pg-13, no alcohol or rated-R movies. Tonight, it was a Disney marathon with hot cocoa. At around 11:30, you had just finished your third movie, Beauty and the Beast, when [your best friend] stopped the ending credits and turned to you.

"Before we watch anything else," she turned to you while you did the same, "let's talk. We can fall asleep watching Disney, but we can't fall asleep and keep talking," you interrupted her, laughing, before nodding away. "So.. what's going on? With Tom, I mean, because you mentioned that he was worse earlier this week than he was today, and tonight he was pretty nasty so I mean- yeah, what else has he done?"

You paused, looking down and sighing, giving in. "Well, it started with Andrew, some 'old friend' he wanted to catch up with. I gave Tom some cupcakes and tea from the shop to eat with him. I was on my lunch break when the boys came into the same cafe and started eating. They didn't like it and- well.. they sorta threw it out after gagging about it," you said. Her eyes went wide. "I don't know, [best friend's nickname], I mean at first I was stunned, hurt obviously because it seemed to be on purpose because Tom knows I always go to that cafe on my lunch break. Is it a coincidence that he came to the same cafe at the exact same time I have my lunch break?"

You went on to explain how Tom had cancelled two dinner dates and a movie night within the past two weeks, and that he was going clubbing without inviting you, cancelling his weekly cupcake order and calling you clingy after you texted him about making sure he ate dinner. Not to mention he only just mentioned him leaving next week on a press tour, and spending his only day off with Andrew even though you two had planned spending that day together for a month.

By the time you were done listing off all the reasons, you were sobbing into [your best friend's] chest, trying to catch your breath. It was too late though, because Tom wasn't here and the events leading up to an attack like this could have only been noticed by him, seeing as [your best friend] wasn't here to see them herself. You couldn't hear anything, your pounding heart being the only thing filling your ears. [Your best friend's] attempt to calm you down wasn't working, resorting to the breathing exercises which were slowly drowned out. You could't even get a breath in. The realization hit you: if you didn't take control, you would faint. You had never had an attack this intense in at least four months, so everything needed to help you would take too long to get.

You gripped her arm, unable to focus on anything except for the fact that you were going to faint.

"I'm here, Y/N, I'm right here. It's going to be okay, right? We're gonna work things out. Yeah? Everything's gonna be alright. We're gonna be alright. We'll be alright," she cooed.

You blacked out, only for about two minutes, but you did. When you woke, you sobbed again, finding a steady breath before completely crushing [your best friend] with a hug, gripping her tightly.

"Thank you," you whispered.

She got you settled, convincing you to snack lightly before brushing your teeth, making sure you drank water. The fort was ready, untouched since your movie marathon, so you both climbed in and fell asleep watching Disney.

Four hours later, it was four o'clock in the morning, and the front door slammed shut.

"Y/N!" Tom slurred, dragging out the last syllable of your name. "Y/N!" he repeated, the same way but louder. "Where the fu-! OH! OW!" he screamed.

You and [your best friend] were already starting to sit up, confusion spreading across your faces before she got up, following her directly after. She opened the bedroom the door, and you stepped out, making your way down the stairs and seeing Tom sitting on the ground, missing a shoe with a rip on his shirt sleeve.

"There you are! I wus at the club a-and Andrew and I were hanging out and he took home some girl- he said if he was getting laid that I should come home and get laid by my lame-ass girlfriend, so come here! Fuck me!" he slurred, talking too loudly for your liking.

"Did you just call her a lame-"

"Tom, you're drunk. Go to bed," you cut her off, knowing how protective she would get. Honestly, you wanted her to scream and shout and yell at him, and you wanted to join her. But if you were going to, you wanted him to be completely sober so the guilt would really sink in.

"No wonder you're a lame-ass," he muttered.

"What was that?" [your best friend] yelled.

"Nothing! I'm going up to bed, see?" He looked at both of you before running up the stairs like a kid.

You both stood there, a little hesitant, before going up the stairs, talking on your way.

"Y/N, I swear if you hit him, you better knock some sense into him because that boy is so ridiculously stupid and undeserving of your love."

You laughed, growing quiet because you were beginning to think she was right. 

The next morning, you and [your best friend] got up at nine to make pancakes and bacon, your usual sleepover breakfast. The speaker was playing One Direction, both of you singing and slightly dancing when Tom came downstairs, disheveled and hungover.

It was Saturday, his last Saturday with you, but it had taken him too long to get interested in hanging out with his girlfriend. "Hey, Y/N. Wanna do something today?" he asked.

[Your best friend] looked at you, but you had already made up your mind. "Sorry, Tom, [your best friend] and I are going shopping together. Next time, though,"  you said, before putting your dishes in the sink and slipping out of the room, [your best friend] following you out.

That night, you and your best friend departed ways, telling her you'd call and let her know when she could come over again. You got home, and decided to put your new things in the guest bedroom, because your clothes from last night were still there. The mess, luckily, was cleaned up thanks to [your best friend], who convinced you to help with the cleanup.

It was nearly ten-thirty by the time you got situated. You were in a new set of pajamas, sitting in front of the tele in the guest bedroom on the floor, looking at all the new things you bought. You found this super cute sweater, and a pair of jeans [your best friend] insisted on buying for you. You also found a pair of shoes to go with an outfit you had planned in your head; it was perfect. People say your looks shouldn't matter, but you felt good when you looked good, so you loved fashion. Overall, you and [your best friend] must have spent at least $800.

At around 11, you heard footsteps running around the house, before Tom came into the guest bedroom.

"What're you doing in here? Aren't you gonna sleep in our room?" he looked worried.

You lowered the shirt you were looking at, making eye contact. You hesitated, "I- yeah... Yeah I guess."

"You guess?"

You just shook your head, trying to be playful with it, but ending up avoiding his gaze all together and going back to looking at your new things.

"Y/N?"

You looked up, "Yeah?"

He looked --  surprised almost? There seemed to be a glint of hurt in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked.

You nodded, getting up and setting the shirt back in its bag, "C'mon, lets just go to bed."

He mumbled an agreement, turning around and walking to your bedroom. You left the guest room, closing the door and going into your room. It was weird-- to even consider it your bedroom, because you hadn't slept in it for about three days. The last time you did, Tom wasn't with you. Was it normal? Did all couples go through things like this? You didn't have much time to dwell on the thought, because you were already under the covers, sleep consuming you before Tom got the chance to talk to you about anything.

It was almost noon when you woke up on Sunday. Rolling over, you felt Tom's side of the bed empty. The feeling of the cold sheets didn't come as a surprise to you, he was gone every time you woke up even though he didn't start filming until around 10 A.M. . It was different this time, because it was your last weekend together. He was always at home on the weekends he wasn't away filming. 

You pulled the covers off you, walking downstairs into the kitchen where you were met with Tom and Haz, quietly whispering things to each other. You didn't get to listen long, for both boys shot up and stood straighter, smiling to you. You just looked at them, slightly rolling your eyes before grabbing some juice and heading back into the guest bedroom.

When you came down ten minutes later for breakfast, both boys were talking normally again.

"Just talk to her, alright man?" Haz spoke.

"What am I supposed to say man? I can't just go up to my girlfriend and tell her I'm fucking pissed at how she's been ignoring me. Not gonna be rude like her-"

"Woah- woah woah, Tom. She's not that rude. Just have a civilized conversation with her. It's easy, you're just overthinking it."

"Okay.. okay, yeah- yeah," he stuttered, turning around on his heal but abruptly stopping when he saw you standing in the doorway. His jaw dropped, noticing your anger immediately.

"Maybe I should go-" Harrison started.

"No, no don't bother. I'll go, it's obvious you both want it."

You turned around, going up to Tom's bedroom and getting a change of clothes, immediately putting on your jeans and the rest of your outfit, before Tom came barging in.

"No- Y/N, I'm sorry. Please, let's talk," he begged.

You ignored him, getting some more clothes, enough to last you two days, before going into the bathroom for your makeup bag and some deodorant. Going back into the closet, you grabbed your work backpack, making sure all your notebooks and journals were in it, before shoving the things you had in to join them.

"Y/N, please. I-  listen to me, please. I'm sorry, let's just talk. Talk it through, yeah?" he asked.

You looked up, talking rather emotionless. "No. We can talk when we've both thought our shit through, although I thought it was only you who needed to get their shit together, but obviously I was wrong. I'll be back after work on Monday, if you're even here to notice." With that, you moved past him, grabbing your phone and texting [your best friend], picking up your keys from it's hook and heading for the door. Haz was standing in the living room, and when you passed him he gave you a sentimental look, but you payed no mind as you glared him down, opening the door and slamming it in Tom's face, for he was downstairs too late.

About 10 hours had passed since you left, and Tom had only thought about you for two of them. Andrew and 'the gang' had called him, insisting that him and Haz join them for some fun. Tom had reluctantly agreed, much to Harrison's dismay.

At around eleven o'clock, Tom had had enough 'fun'. The guilt in him was killing him, but his anger for you was killing him even more. Telling Haz he'd be heading out, he drove home, getting into bed and thinking about what you'd talk about when you got back.

Monday had passed, and you were doing better than you thought you would be. You opened shop about 30 minutes early that Monday morning, knowing it was better to keep yourself occupied. It was [your best friend's] week off, so she offered to come with you to work, and 'volunteer' almost. She had quite some experience in waitress-ing , so you gave her that job. Around noon, Tom came into the shop, and [your best friend] called out, "Incoming, [your nickname]."

You looked up from the cappuccino machine, turning around to face the door Tom had just entered. The minute you saw him coming towards you, you spoke. Luckily there weren't that many people around who didn't know you, so they didn't react when you yelled at Tom.

"Get out."

"I just wanted to-"

"Get OUT!" you yelled, louder when Tom didn't listen to you.

He moved forward, leaving a Hershey kiss near the cash register, looking to you for your reaction. You picked it up, and threw it to [your best friend], who unwrapped it and ate it herself. He left after she pointed towards the door.

When you closed shop, you decided to head home, seeing as he was leaving tomorrow and you had obviously thought a lot about what to do. The only option, really: talk it out.

Walking in, you placed your bag by the door and went to get some water in the kitchen. Tom was standing there, staring into space. He noticed you come in, and immediately stood up straighter, obviously becoming more aware of his surroundings.

"Are you- are we talking now?"

"I'm here, yeah. Let's talk," you answered setting your cup down.

"What's your problem?" he asked. You looked at him like he was crazy, so he went on. "I mean, these past few weeks, you've completely ignored me. And when you did acknowledge me, it was a rather rude encounter. "

"You think I'm rude?" he nodded, and you scoffed. "Well I'm sorry you think I'm rude. You wanna know what I think is rude?"

"Look, I'm sorry my being honest upset you. But nobody said the truth was nice," he interrupted.

"Tom, what the fuck?"

"I'm just saying! Out of the two of us, you're the one who has more problems!"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that you are always the one who cries over shit, and gets upset at little things," he answered. You looked at him in disbelief. "What I'm saying is you're over-dramatic and too sensitive."

"Oh for fuck's sake," you started. "You just- you just don't know when to quit, do you?"

"You said to talk! I'm talking!"

"You're being completely unreasonable."

"Am I? Because all you've talked about is how you think I'm crazy. Do you even have anything to say?"

"Fine! You want me to talk? I'll talk. I've been rude to you because you are the one who let that man you call a fucking friend insult my life's work. You completely agreed with him, took in my hate and didn't even stand up for me!" You yelled. Tom didn't know you knew about that, and he was about to interject but you kept going, "And to make things worse, you kept seeing him! Every single fucking week, it was 'Andrew said this!' 'Andrew said that!'. You cancelled dates to see him! Call me over-dramatic, but when your boyfriend cancels a date on his only day off, I think most girls would be pretty fucking pissed," you walked out of the kitchen.

Tom was in the living room too, following you. "Yeah, well I'm sorry I cancelled our plans, but we live together. Don't you think we see enough of each other because of that?"

"Wha- what?"

"Think about it! We see each other all time because we live together," he reasoned.

"Yeah, I guess you're right,"

"See-"

"If you were ever around, I would see you a lot. But you're never around, so no, Tom, we don't see each other a lot. I work too, remember!"

"Not like I do," he mumbled.

"What?" you yelled.

"Nothing."

"No, Tommy. If you have something to say, you better fucking say it or so help me-"

"I said 'not like I do'!"

"What? Because I'm not some movie star with his head up his ass, I don't work hard?"

"My head's not in my ass, yours is! All I wanted to do was talk things out, not get fucking blamed for things that aren't my fault!"

"Yeah? Well all I wanted was someone better," you quipped back.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"What have I done wrong! Please, enlighten me! All you've done is complain about the stupidest things!"

"So my feelings are stupid, now?"

"Did I fucking say they were?" he yelled, voice raising as he stepped closer.

"Sounded like it to me!" you yelled, raising your voice to meet his.

"Just tell me! Do you have anything else to say?"

"You- you really are stupid, Tom."

"No, Y/N. I'm not. You are, not even telling me why you're so fucking angry at me."

"I'm angry because I had my first attack in months because of you. You! The person who told me he'd always be there to help me through one, not cause one. I'm angry because you go out without even bothering to ask if I'd like to join you. A-And then you just throw it at me that you're leaving for, what? Seven months?!  Not to mention you completely stopped eating things from my shop because of a so-called diet? And you're off with that Andrew guy, who eyed me like a pervert even though he knows I'm taken. You know how uncomfortable I am with that! And don't you dare say you didn't know, when you're the one coming home drunk telling me he's picked up another girl and telling you that you should go home and get laid too. God knows you'd listen to him if he asked you to cheat on me. Not to mention how you called me fucking clingy because I was checking up on you. You want me to stop making sure you're okay? You want me to stop caring?" you screamed. "Because you say the words and I will fucking back off for good. "

He was silent for a second, only missing a beat, contemplating on if he should apologize or keep fighting. Because he didn't want you to be angry, but he wanted to win. He needed to win. "Yeah, I wish you would back the fuck off. You're always on me!" he screamed. "And I get wanting to be affectionate, but you're just fucking sickening. Too much love."

That made you stop. "You think I'm loving you too much?" you asked quietly, and Tom looked at you, really looked at you, after hearing the change in your voice. You were quiet, practically whispering now. It wavered slightly, your eyes were glossy and red.

"I- I didn't-" he started, but it was no use. The damage was done.

He knew better than anyone about your past, which had caused a massive buildup in insecurities that were inevitably killing you. When you met Tom, he had promised to discard each and every one of your insecurities until you loved yourself as much as he did.

"No, you did. And you fucking know it." You were walking upstairs, getting yet another bag ready to last you until Tom left for his press tour.

"No, no Y/N, I'm sorry. Listen to me, baby. I didn't mean it," he begged.

"You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it," you said, choosing a few shirts to shove into your backpack. "Your intentions were pretty clear, Tommy. I'll stop caring for you, stop putting in effort for this toxic relationship. I'll stop loving you, because right now, it seems like loving you is the one thing wrong with me," you said, finding some pants and your makeup bag.

You were making your way downstairs now, "Y/N, Y/N please. Please I need you. I can't leave us like this- not when I leave tomorrow."

"What 'us,' Tom? There is no 'us' anymore."

"What're you saying?" he asked, tears finally falling from his face.

"I'm saying it's time I move on from you. Moving on means not having you. So, we're done," you opened the front door.

Tom stood in the doorway while you gripped the handle. "So- we- we're.."

"I'll be out before you come in July," you filled in. With that you slammed the door, driving to [your best friend's] house, while Tom sobbed on the floor in what used to be a home of two people who loved each other.

[another-cancer]

Day 7, July 13th Guns

“Remember when we first met?”

“How could I forget? The constant increase of guns in my life is a big enough reminder. But what’s funny about it?”

PSA: I know absolutely nothing about drinking or being drunk.

///

Jason and Marinette didn’t drink often. But when they did it ended up being fun. Jason was a sentimental drunk and Marinette was an emotional drunk. With Adrien gone for two days on a business trip, the two found time to break out the alcohol.

One drink in.

They were sitting on the kitchen island. Jason’s legs dangled off the side of the counter and Marinette sat legs crossed. Both had a beer in hand and a lot on their mind.

“I can’t even remember the last time we sat here drinking,” Jason brought up.

“How old is this beer?” Marinette laughed.

“At least a month and a half old, does Adrien drink? I mean he hasn’t touched it since he arrived.”

“Adrien drinks, just not the cheap shit,” she snorted.

“Ah like Bruce shit then,” Jason chuckled.

They continued to down their alcohol.

Two drinks in.

“We should do this more often,” Jason said.

“I’m glad we’re doing this without Adrien here,” Marinette hums.

“What's wrong with Adrien?”

“Nothing, he’s just everywhere I look lately and it’s kinda getting on my nerves. I like that he’s here, I just don’t need to see him every four seconds. It’s a small apartment.”

“I thought you missed him.”

“It doesn’t matter he’s leaving soon anyway and then I’ll miss him again. I like Adrien. But it's been two weeks. Eight years passed. My birthday is soon and I wanna keep it small. And I wanna spend my death date with you,” Marinette pouted.

“Not Adrien?”

“Not really.”

Three drinks in.

Jason was laughing sprawled out on the counter covering Marinette’s body. Spilling some beer as he shook in pure joy.

“What are you even laughing about?” Marinette asked.

“Remember when we first met?”

“How could I forget? The constant increase of guns in my life is a big enough reminder. But what’s funny about it?”

“Increase? There has been a decrease since I met you.”

“But what’s funny?” Marinette asked, confused.

“I was thinking about our first meeting.”

“Yeah, and what is funny about it?”

“We didn’t get off on a good foot, you hated me.”

“You were an asshole.”

“But you attacked me.”

“I was new, sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Jason said.

Four drinks in.

They had moved to the floor. Jason had his back to the sofa and Marinette faced him leaning against the coffee table. The two were laughing about seemingly nothing, feeling the effects of their cheap alcohol.

“Why did you and Adrien break up?”

“What?” Marinette was caught off guard.

“Why did you and Adrien break up?” Jason repeated.

“Oh. I don’t know. We just did.”

“Cool. Do you wish you guys were still together?”

“Not really. Things just didn’t work out.”

“Okay,” Jason paused, “I think he’s attractive.”

“Obviously he is, he used to be a model. We nicknamed him pretty boy.”

“But he’s really attractive, have you seen his abs?”

“We used to date, of course, I’ve seen his abs.”

“Did he get them from being a superhero?”

“Probably,” Marinette said, wanting to move away from the conversation.

Jason noticed and teased, “What don’t like me thirsting over your ex? Now you know how I felt after you met Steph.”

“Hey! That’s not fair, Stephanie is beautiful!”

“Adrien is literally a model.”

“I’m sure if Steph wanted to be a model she could.”

“Don’t tell her that it will only feed her ego.”

“I won’t tell if you won’t tell Adrien,” Marinette agreed.

Five drinks in.

“You should ask Adrien out,” Marinette suggested.

“You should ask Steph out,” Jason rebutted.

“I’m pretty sure she’s straight and I kinda like someone else.”

“Haven’t you learned anything, people who become superheroes and vigilantes before they become a legal adult end up gay with trauma. Everyone I know is bi as fuck beside you our local pansexual.”

Marinette laughed, “Now that I think about it, out of everyone with a miraculous Kim was the only straight one, and even then he was questioning the last time I saw him. But you should ask Adrien out.”

“There is already someone I kinda like.”

“Oh.”

“You’re pretty,” Jason said, noticing Marinette’s sudden change in attitude.

She giggled, “I’m pretty.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re pretty.”

Jason’s face went red.

Six drinks in.

“I’m going to kiss you,” Marinette declared.

“Okay.”

The two kissed.

///

Marinette woke up with a killer headache as she snuggled in Jason’s arms. She lightly tapped him awake and he groaned. The two were on the floor surrounded by empty beer bottles. She counted twelve in total.

“We really drank that much,” Marinette whispered.

“Fuck my head is killing me. No more alcohol.”

“Do you even remember last night?” Marinette asked, trying to recall the blur in her memory.

“Nothing at all.”

All their progress in communication and it had all been forgotten.

Masterlist AO3

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@jasonette-july-event

[just-my-fandom]

Voltron Headcannons

Date set to post; July 25th, 2020

Date posted; August 6th, 2020

Request; Basically Headcannons where the reader gets hurt and the paladins take care of her!

Style; Headcannons

Note; I went in dept with this. Stay home and stay safe, guys!

Masterlist

Shiro

You scared yourself awake

After the paladins and their lions were thrown into the ports to different areas of space, you, Shiro, and Keith landed on the same planet

Not that you knew that

You had passed out during the fall out of fear, and when you woke up, it hurt to move because of the purple marks on your side,

Your helmet glitched as you tried to look around, noting how your lion, the white lion, had shut down

You heard your name being called through your ear piece, but you couldn’t tell which paladin it is, or if it was Allura or Coran

The back door to your lion hissed open and it startled you enough to jump in your seat, which caused you to hiss when the wound pulled,

“Easy. Try not to move,”

You lifted your head, and behold, your knight in shining armor

Not really, but Shiro was close enough

His brows were pinched with worry as he squatted down in front of your chair, and tried to help you stand without touching your burning side,

After three attempts and a thousand “ows,” Shiro settled on keeping you in your seat and trying to get in contact with Keith

Cue the weird creature things that had spotted the lion and the door that Shiro left open (stupid fuck), and Shiro ended up having to defend you with his glowing hand,

Sure he got a few scratches, but what’s a few more scars to match the rest

Keith eventually found your lion, and Shiro had you laying down because the position you were sitting in made the wound ten times worse

Keith and Shiro tried to patch up your side with what you have in your lions, but eventually they decided that they have to wait for the others to find them so you can be put in a healing pod

That night even after you’re healed Shiro still wouldn’t let you get out of bed even for a cup of water-

Keith

You were just training when it happened

Swinging a few at the training bot with your sword, out of breath, before it got knocked out of your hand and you were left throwing punches

You didn’t catch the arm of the bot pulling back (it had somehow caught your sword), before it lunged forward,

The sudden problem you had to breathe caused your movements to stop, and you finally looked down at where the sword had pierced just under your left breast

A wheezed “oh my God” escaped your lips in horror, the bot pulling the blade out to step back, announcing you had lost before it vanished,

You mentally prepared yourself to scream, only getting out a, “Keith!!” before you dropped to the metal floor,

Keith and Lance were both making their way down the hall to the training deck when they heard your shout, so naturally they both took off towards your voice,

Keith saw you first, cursing out loud when Lance rammed into him due to not stopping fast enough,

They both saw you on your back, one arm sprawled to the side as the other held your workout shirt, that was once a light (favorite/color) and was then stained red,

Keith demanded Lance to go get Allura as he fully stepped into the deck, using the towel he was going to use for sweat to press it to your wound, squatting down to fully look at your face,

“The bot,” You wheezed, eyes wide in a panic, “It stabbed me. I didn’t know it could do that,”

“Don’t talk,” Keith’s voice came out tougher than he had liked. You had gotten stabbed, you didn’t need a lecture,

You instead tilted your head back and whined, and Keith racked his brain to figure out what he could do to stop the bleeding until the other teammates got there,

“Holy Quiznack!” Keith had rolled his eyes at Corans shout, then when he looked up three of the paladins- plus Coran- had surrounded you

When they got to the medic bay and you were put in a healing pod, Coran was able to bring up security cameras that revealed how you had gotten injured,

“What level did you have that thing on? Death?”

That earned Lance a punch in the shoulder.

Keith did scold you when you were healed and out of the pod,

Pidge, Hunk and Coran took time to tweak the training bots so they couldn’t go as far as causing fatal injuries like yours,

You were low key scared to use the training bot again

Keith will do.

Hunk

So you and Hunk were sent on your own mission.

You had to sneak into a part of a Galra ship and steal a piece of tech that Pidge needed for an important part of the castle

Everything was fine and dandy until an alarm was set of- a Galra soldier had spotted you

Galra soldiers ended up raiding the halls that you and Hunk were in

While Hunk was able to to defend himself your bay yard had been shot from your hands so you were only given hand-to-hand combat

You were fine holding your end of the grudge until a Galra Solider had snuck up behind you and Hunk

He must have knew you would be more effected if you were shot, so just as you were about to pin another soldier, a hot wave of pain had hit your shoulder and caused you to release the soldier

You didn’t realize that it actually hurt until you turned to face the soldier who shot you, then black began to spot your vision and you were unable to keep yourself up

Hunk noticed that you’d suddenly just stopped fighting and that’s when he saw the blood on your uniform

Hunk was able to shoot down the remaining guards, then he was left to catch you, but he was freaking out so much he couldn’t bring himself to run, instead he just sunk to his knees and began yelling into his mic,

This led you to laughing despite literally fading in and out of consciousness and telling Hunk he needed to get you to the ship

Which he did, but running back to the ship even with more Galra soldiers chasing him wasn’t easy because he couldn’t just pull out his weapon and shoot with you in his arms

You may or may not had done a badass thing of pulling your gun from your thigh pocket and hazily shooting at the soldiers,

You luckily shot all of them so when you patted the back of Hunks head and dropped your gun, he stopped running to look back and realize he didn’t have to run anymore,

“Babe, I love you more than usual sometimes,”

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not so I’m gonna take it as one,”

Hunk then reminds himself that you’re barely there with them so he starts sprinting again and yelling for Coran to power a healing pod

You healed pretty quickly but Hunk had to give you a run down and scolded you as to why you didn’t use your thigh gun during battle instead of just using your fists,

All is good tho dw

Pidge (Short)

Believe it or not, it was Matt who had hurt you

You and Pidge had found a room with a map and locations and realized it was a spy facility

A figure suddenly snuck up on you and Pidge, and while Pidge was able to duck and roll to the side, you were hit upside the head with the strangers staff

And since you had taken your helmet off, it caused more damage to where you had to lay on the floor just to gain your vision back

Pidge is pissed, running at the figure with her weapon and they ended up fighting, and sure enough, low and behold, Matt’s identity was revealed

Pidge almost forgot about you when she hugged Matt, and she turned and called out for you in a panic, having not seen you move to show you were okay,

Which you were, just in pain from the force your head and face took and your head had began to throb,

“I did not mean to hit you that hard,” Matt said, when Pidge ran to your side and helped you sit up, her hand at your jaw giving Matt the go that you weren’t just a friend,

It ended up bruising, so there was just this big line going across your cheek and jaw that was an ugly purple and green color

Matt still apologizes to this day even tho it’s been weeks since it happened

You and Pidge sometimes laugh at him for it

Lance

So what had happened was-

You and Keith had to sneak on Zarkons ship

Yes, you and Keith

Lance wasn’t happy about that but

And right before you reached the area you had to get to, Keith was jumped and you were pulled into a side room, pinned to a wall with a hand at your throat

You easily passed out and when Keith turned around, you were no longer in his sight

Lance was livid

You woke up like three hours later in a cell

It was dark, clammy, and your throat was hurting from the pressure your capturer had put on it

Zarkon had his men chain you up and started electrocuting you for answers on Voltron

Of course as a valid member of the team you weren’t telling him shit

Which ended with you having a broken nose cause you had spit in Zarkons face and told him to “go to hell”

The one time Zarkon left you alone Lance and Keith rescued you, and the whole time Lance was reminding Keith that he should have gone on the mission with you instead of him

You ended up collapsing halfway through Zarkons ship, and it only freaked Lance out more because an alarm had gone off to alert that you had escaped

Cue Lance swooping you up and shooing Keith to run

Again you woke up a couple hours later in your bed at the castle and Lance was all sobby about it because “You could’ve died”

“But I didn’t,”

“Let me have my emotional moment, dammit. I could have left you behind,”

“Keith would’ve rescued me,”

Great, you made Lance mad and pout.

“I’m your knight in shining armor, not Keith,”

“Yes you are. Thank you, Lance,”

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Epilogue 2: A Queen’s Crown

A/N: I know this one is a bit short.  One more epilogue to go, and if you missed my update, it will be posted THIS WEDNESDAY at 7:30pm.  We’re ending the disaster that was 2020 with Aberdeen and Willy!

January 2023

Aberdeen Bloom was freaking the fuck out.  

Anna Wintour just walked into the room.

“Miss Bloom!  Hello,” she greeted, her signature accent filling the room as her dress swayed back and forth.  Every stylish, her boots clacked against the floor as she approached the photographer and set where Aberdeen was about to pose on a beautifully crafted, eccentrically pink upholstered couch in front of styled bookcases holding hundred-year-old editions of books.  

“Hello Ms. Wintour,” Aberdeen said as confidently as she could, shaking Anna’s hand.  Her own dress – a black, high-neck midi-length dress with sheer long sleeves and hand applied golden crystals she was styled in that morning – sparkled in the light of the room.  “It’s an honour to meet you.  Thank you for the profile.”

“It’s not every day a woman sets a record in the writing world,” Anna said.  “I would be a fool not to profile the youngest person to ever receive a Booker Prize for fiction.”

Aberdeen smiled.  Every time she heard that – the youngest person to ever receive a Booker Prize for fiction – she had to pinch herself.  She truly believed her life wasn’t real over these past few years.  Most authors dreamt of being nominated for awards.  Her first book was longlisted for the two biggest literary awards in Canada.  Her second book, published by Coach House again but then picked up by Knopf and published internationally, had won the two biggest literary awards in Canada and had just won the Booker Prize for Fiction, the most prestigious literary award in the world.  She was living in a dream world.

“And you must be the new fiancé,” Anna said, motioning over to where William was standing just out of shot, watching the photoshoot about to begin.  “Pleasure to meet you.  You must be in town to face the Rangers.”

“You as well,” William approached her to shake her hand.  “You made my fiancée’s dream come true with this profile.”

“Well considering how fashionable she’d been on the book tour,” Anna shrugged her shoulders, as if to say it was so obvious to have her in the pages of Vogue.  “I know some of the editors here kept tabs on it.  Did you employ a stylist?”

“No ma’am,” Aberdeen giggled slightly.  If Anna Wintour was about to compliment her on her style, she was going to drop dead.

“Impressive,” Anna nodded.  “Now let’s see the ring.”

Aberdeen held out her left hand.  Anna inspected the ring like a gemologist.  When William proposed with it, Aberdeen was blown away.  He’d designed it himself.  A 4 carat round diamond in a twisted halo design and pavé band.  It quite literally looked like a flower in bloom.  And for Aberdeen’s eyes only, an inscription on the inside of the band in the most delicate handwriting.  “Stunning,” she said, turning to the photographer.  “Make sure you get it.”

“Of course, Ms. Wintour.”

Anna side-stepped to inspect the set.  She took one last look at Aberdeen in her dress and high heels and perfectly waved hair and perfectly applied makeup.  Anna gave her an up-down and suddenly Aberdeen became nervous.  Anna looked towards the stylist.  “We need a crown.  Crowns.”

“Crown?  Crowns?  Multiple?”

“Her novel is titled A Queen’s Crown.  She’s the youngest woman – person – to win the Booker Prize for fiction.  Surely she should wear a crown in her photoshoot.”

“I—I’ll go into the closet,” the stylist nodded, hurrying out of the room.

Anna turned once more to Aberdeen.  “Enjoy.”

***

March 2023

“I’m not about to be murdered by Orla Bloom for not having our wedding in a Catholic Church,” William said as he stuffed pasta into his mouth at the dinner table.  

“But you’re not Catholic,” Aberdeen tried to explain to him, again.  “You don’t understand what we’ll have to go through to get married in a Catholic Church.  There are classes – like legit marriage classes we have to take.  And we have to get, like, permission from the diocese to enter into the marriage and follow a Catholic wedding forma—”

“Listen to me,” William said, interrupting her.  He grabbed her hand from across the table to calm her down.  He knew how stressed she was getting about getting married, if only because there was Toronto and Sweden and Northern Ireland and Scotland to deal with.  That didn’t even factor in hockey, making them only really able to have the wedding within a twelve-week span of the year.  That also didn’t factor in her job, which, between book tours and interviews and appearances and writing her next, also created limited time and availability for their wedding date.  But when she felt his hand wrap around hers, he saw her visibly relax.  “I love you.  We could go down to the courthouse right now to get married.  But this means a lot to Orla.  And I know you won’t say it, but I know how much this means to you, to be married in the same church you went to as a kid in Etobicoke,” he said softly.  “So we’re doing it there.  No ifs, and, or buts.  I’ll take any class I have to in order to marry you.  I’ll donate.  Give my blood.  Whatever.  We’re getting married there.”

Aberdeen couldn’t take it.  She got up from her seat and moved to sit in William’s lap.  She didn’t care that they were at the dinner table, and she didn’t care that William had to push back his chair really quickly to accommodate her.  All she wanted to do was melt into him completely.  “Thank you so much,” she whispered against his lips as she kissed him.  “I love you.  You know that, right?”

William smiled.  “I do.  And I love you too.  That’s why I gave you that ring.”

***

TALK OF THE TOWN: Booker Prize-winning and Toronto-based author Aberdeen Bloom and William Nylander (you know, of the Toronto Maple Leafs) just bought “the last lot on the Kingsway” – an old 1970s style bungalow empty for some time now.  Sources say the couple plan to tear it down (of course) and build their dream home, a Scandinavian-inspired house where Bloom will no doubt produce her next great novels.  Bloom and Nylander will be two blocks away from her former and his current boss, Brendan Shanahan, President of the Toronto Maple Leafs.  Bloom has always said in interviews that she will never leave Toronto, so it’s fitting that the girl who was born and raised in Etobicoke would buy on one of the city’s most exclusive and coveted streets.

***

May 2023

“Vogue is coming to the wedding?  Vogue?!  Like…Vogue magazine?!” Aleida asked as she fed a now two-year-old Helena sitting in a high chair.  Aberdeen smiled wryly before nodding her head.  Aleida was still dumbfounded.  “Like…Anna Wintour Vogue magazine.  That Vogue magazine.”

“That Vogue magazine,” Aberdeen nodded.  “They’re profiling it for an issue, along with my dress fitting.  And then when the house is done, they’re going to do a feature on that too.”

Aleida looked towards Bee, who was just as shocked as Aleida was.  “We need to go shopping for new dresses.”

“We definitely need to go shopping for new dresses,” Bee agreed.  “I better let Aryne know too.”

“Guys, it’s still like, two years away.  We set the date for August 23rd, 2025,” Aberdeen smiled as she reminded them.  “You will have plenty of time.  Plenty.”

“I don’t know about that.  Weddings creep up on you quick,” Bee joked.  Aberdeen completely understood where she was coming from.  Bee and Morgan were getting married in July.  William and Aberdeen were invited, of course, and would be going.  Bee spoke a lot about the planning the past few months and always gave updates whenever the girls were all together.  “I mean, I thought a year would be plenty of time for the wedding.  And it is, don’t get me wrong…but it definitely came sooner than I thought!”

“You need to get the venue sorted now before anything else,” Aleida offered.  “You’re two years out so you should honestly have your choice in place.  But I don’t think there’s any venue in this city that would turn you down.”

“We’ve already booked,” Aberdeen smiled wryly.  She was just full of surprises for the girls today.  They looked at her, waiting for a response.  “The Aria ballroom at the Four Seasons,” she revealed.

“Ooooooooooh,” both women cooed simultaneously at the revelation.  Even Helena join in on the sound.  “That will look stunning,” Aleida commented.  “I can see it now – those floor-to-ceiling windows with flowers hanging and—”

“—don’t forget the drapery over the dancefloor—” Bee offered.

“—the drapery over the dancefloor—”

“—and the centrepieces…big, tall arrangements that stretch up—”

“Ladies, ladies, ladies,” Aberdeen held her hands up gently, causing Bee and Aleida to stop momentarily.  Aberdeen paused for dramatic effect.  “We’ve gotta write all this stuff down.”

The girls smiled and wiggled in their seats excitedly.  “I’m giving you Rachel’s number,” Bee said, immediately mentioning her florist.  “Your last name’s Bloom.  There’s gotta be a shit ton of flowers at this wedding.”

***

July 2023

Aberdeen had tears in her eyes as she watched Morgan and Bee say “I do”.  William had been holding her hand throughout the entire ceremony, rubbing the back of it gently with his own thumb.  When they finally had their first kiss, it was the only point he let go so he could whistle loudly and clap and cheer.  Bee looked extraordinary in her lace dress.  Aberdeen could only imagine what would be in store for her when she went wedding dress shopping.

When the reception began, Aberdeen couldn’t help but get even more emotional.  Knowing what Bee had gone through in her life, and seeing her dance with Morgan for their first dance made some tears fall down her cheeks.  William noticed almost immediately, even though he was behind her; he wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and nestled his head onto her shoulder.   “That’ll be us soon,” he whispered.

Aberdeen nodded her head.  “I know.  I’m so excited.”

“I love you so much.  I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”

“And I can’t wait for you to be my husband.”

“And baby daddy.  Don’t forget baby daddy,” he joked.

Aberdeen giggled.  She knew he said that to make her laugh, because even though these were tears of joy, he didn’t like to see her cry.  “Baby daddy too,” she nodded.  “I can’t wait to have a thousand more little Nylanders running around Etobicoke.”

“We’re going to take over the world.”

***

August 23rd, 2025

Aberdeen looked at her dad as he held his arm out for her to grab.  He looked so spiffy in his suit, and every time she saw him today, he had a giant smile on his face.  It hadn’t left since their early morning wake up call to get hair and makeup done.  He’d cried when he saw her in her dress for the first time.  Now, if it was even possible, his smile was even wider.  “Ready, sweetheart?” he asked.

Aberdeen nodded, linking her arm with her father’s.  “I love you so much, dad.”

“I love you too, Aberdeen.  Every day I thank my lucky stars for you and Siena and Camden.  You’ve brought so much light to my life.”

Aberdeen’s bridesmaids had already walked out – Jacquie, Stephanie, Daniella, Kasha, and Siena as her maid of honour.  She knew Alex would be standing beside William at the front of the aisle, with Camden (now a smart-as-a-whip-16 year old) and some of his cousins there too.  The music began playing.  She took a deep breath.  The doors opened.

As she walked down the aisle with her father, she saw a lot of familiar faces.  Morgan and Bee, of course, cradling a six-month-old Andy.  Fred and Aleida, with a four-year-old Helena in the cutest little tutu-style dress.  Auston, John and Aryne, Zach and Alannah, Joe with his wife and kids, Pierre, Rasmus, Mitch and Steph, Jake, Courtney, and Luna, Justin and Audrey – so many of the Leafs.  Beth Zadakis.  Her editor from Coach House Books.  Her editor from Knopf.  Jason, Jennifer, and their four girls.  Brendan and his wife.  Her grandparents, who came in all the way from Northern Ireland.  Michael and Camilla.  Her mom.

And of course, William.  William, who was wiping tears away from his eyes.  William, who looked so dapper in his tux.  William.  

Her William.

[ivanabaqero]

Since I just returned from rehab, here is my.. idk, emotional journey on my chronic illness + mental health or wtf ever u wanna call this. This is the most personal thing I have ever posted but I need to get it out. 

Before you read, I guess I gotta tw this for suicidal thoughts and descriptions of my symptoms.

I don’t even know where to start. It feels like all of this happened in one week and at the same in a span of several years. But no idea, time just kept passing and more shit happened. 

Last summer was pretty cool. I worked hard and made a fuckton of money - not really considering the consequences of the fact that I overstepped the boundaries of my body every single day. Either way, I regret nothing it was pretty cool and another experience I am glad I could make. Well, but when I came back home, I started to notice a few things. Among some weird shit nobody wants to know about, I noticed a change of my eyesight. There was a cloud right on the vision on my left eye and it got blurry. At first, it started with minutes and then it passed. But I knew my body responded to exhaustion in an odd way so I let it slide. As doctors have instructed me, only when it lasts over 24 hours it’s an actual episode/flare and I should go to the ER -- to elaborate this further, I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2015 and have not had any bigger flares since, only the regular symptoms like fatigue, etc.

 I got treated with the regular medication; cortisone. This shit gave me some energy boost for a few days and then, things went back to somewhat normal. The blurry thing in my eye has changed into a weird ass thing called nystagmus. Basically, my eyeball was twitching. It was better than the blurry sight and my doctors told me that physical therapy was the only thing to help me with that, and up until some weeks ago this didn’t stop, at the moment it’s gotten way better though - a relief because that caused me mad headache and made reading really difficult.

Anyway, that was the smaller problem. A few months later, in December around Christmas, I have gotten really weak and have been constantly dizzy. As usual, I let it slide for some days. Up until that point when I couldn’t move from the bed or look at anything else but right up at the ceiling or I would get fucking dizzy. Back to the ER again, the same procedure began. Cortisone  resulted in a massive push of energy that lasted for some days, but after that, all the symptoms slowly returned. Not only that, but it started to get worse. I have been dragging and limping with my left foot since months but I still managed somehow to walk and get around. In January I had a major panic attack when I noticed that I couldn’t walk on my own to my doctors, which is merely an 8 minute walk away. I had to call my mom to bring me back home because I couldn’t go any step more. My doctor sent me to the ER but the next day, I decided that I was fine and being over dramatic and everything was perfectly fine. The whole thing kept getting worse, I could not walk anymore, I kept feeling dizzy all the time unless I was staring at only one spot: my laptop or phone. So that was what I did, ignore my symptoms. Adding to my chronic fatigue, dizziness, inability to walk and my eye problem, a sensitivity problem spread all over my body from the chest downwards. My hands hurt and my fingers cramped up and got stiff, I lost all feeling in my feet. I had an appointment at the neurologist thank god, or else, I would have let it gotten worse and kept telling myself that I am being over dramatic and nothing is actually wrong. Delusional? Maybe. I don’t understand myself there either.

The neurologist decided to keep me in hospital for a whole ass week, getting cortisone every day. I got in there with the ambulance in a wheelchair and left out of there walking again. Not perfectly, but I thought things were looking up. Of course, once the high dose of steroids begins to wear off and you slowly come down from it, you first catch sleep. Steroids this time have been given to me five days in high dose instead of three and in addition, I had to take pills that I had to reduce slowly over another two weeks. I did not sleep in those three weeks more than 3-4 hours per night and then I finally could. To make this more understandable; my brain was tired but my body was buzzing. I also had a tremor that has still not entirely left me as a wonderful side effect from the medication. 

That time stationary they finally put me back in a MRT and found 2 bigger new lesions. One of them in my cerebellum and the other in my spinal cord. Each of them causing me all those massive problems. Back at home I had physical therapy every day, but despite all of it, I had to rely on a wheelchair. I got my wheelchair in march and named him Otto because he is the best man ever. Next time in hospital, I was mentally and physically just fucking done and tried to just ignore how much my mental health was going downhill along with my body, the neurologist offered me stationary rehab at a very well known center where they treat several physical as well as mental illnesses. I said yes, and luckily got a place in July.

The initial plan was to stay there for four weeks, but the doctors suggested to extend to six. I did. And good that I did. I made slow progress. Very slow. To imagine, in twenty minutes at the first day I could barely walk 130m with four  breaks in between, with walking aid and what not - and my last day I made 640m in the same time with no breaks. I know this doesn’t sound like a lot but fuck -- I made it out of a fucking wheelchair. I am walking again. Not perfectly or any good, but my legs are used for their purpose again; to get me through this world. For someone who loves hiking and going for little walks alone, this was such a big deal to just not be able to anymore. 

The day I had the panic attack was the day I realized that in 2015 I made a promise to myself that if I ever have to rely on other people, I would end it. But I felt selfish for not wanting to end it. I felt selfish  for wanting to live and being a burden to people. I know, none of this is my fault and I am the first to give good advice, but am I good at handling my own shit? Absolutely not. 

With all the physical therapy I did for six weeks every day, I also had a psychologist that helped me understand myself better and deal with the trauma this experience brought me. I have to find another psychologist at home as well, because I didn’t feel the one I have helped me at all. I had to make a lot of promises to myself, such as accepting and asking for help and that it’s no shame in doing so. I feared losing my independence and I still do. But fuck, this experience was an eye opener in so many ways. I made new friends in rehab as well, which was one of the coolest things. And I got hit on by two attractive men - can you believe? I was in a wheelchair, dressed like absolute shit and not making any kind of deal of how I look! But yeah, my interest wasn’t really there to get involved in anything. I’ve got a lot of love to give but I need to give it to myself rather than pour it out on someone else.

I learned so many lessons, about my body and about my mind. My brain is an idiot and I have so many fears I was never even able to see until now. I thought optimism could beat everything and well... while it helps me a lot to get through every day life, every now and then I just need a slap in the face to look at things in another light. Not everything is fine if you tell yourself it is, no, you are not over reacting and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself when life is dealing you a bad card. It doesn’t matter that other people have it worse -- it doesn’t mean your own shit is any less valid. And with that, I am going to wash my face and stop crying. I am still in a shock of reality state because I am  back at home now and everything is different. And I got to admit, I feel a little lonely. But I don’t want to reach out to my old friends at the moment with whom I felt like the “sick friend”. I want more friends in similar positions as me so I don’t have to feel bad for... well, feeling bad, and I don’t want to hear any more optimism monologues from healthy people who have absolutely no idea what it is like to have chronic pain, fatigue and overall; an illness. Whether it be mental or physical.

If you really read all of this, thank you. There was no need to, but I appreciate it. I honestly just needed to let it out. Because I haven’t done so properly since all of that started. 

[fuckingdeadbutroyal]

Jasonette July- Soulmates AU- Part 1

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 -

Marinettes knees were bruised. Again! She was so so careful not to ruin her new summerdress on the way to Ninos 9th birthday-party and now her knees were all red and scratchy. “Not todayy”, the little girl whined while searching for some kind of medicine in her small pink backpack, hoping to ease the pain for her as well as the cause of her suffering: her soulmate, who seemed to have an eagerness to ALWAYS fall on their knees. A few moments and a frustrated huff later, Mari found herself punching her arm for some kind of payback and wincing right after. Why couldn’t she just have a harmless soulmate-bond? Why couldn’t she just dream of them like Nino did or have a tattoo like Chloe? Why was her bond forged through literal PAIN? 

Rounding the corner, little Mari found herself in a field full of green and blue balloons with loads of boys and a few chosen girls surrounding a happy Nino. The boy was currently bouncing like a basketball and grinning from ear to ear, while sneaking longing glances to a table full of presents, as well as various treats from the Dupain-Cheng bakery. Speaking of the Dupain-Chengs, their daughter was spotted by her best friend as she was about to put her present next to the others, which lead to him running to greet her and pulling the girl into a bonecrushing hug. Therefore Mari was left patting Ninos’ back and trying to catch a breath. “You made it! I saw your treats and I know you answered my invitation but I was still worried, this party wouldn’t be the same without you!”, he blubbered in all of his bubbly grace while trying to lift her, even though he wasn’t quite strong enough to succeed yet (which didn’t mean he wouldn’t try again tomorrow, he was now older and stronger than her, after all). 

Mari wriggled her way out of his arms, happy to catch a breath and giggling. A blush was gracing her face, leading to Nino blushing happily in return. “Of course I made it! I didn’t spend all week making you a present for nothing!”, she smiled as Ninos ears grew hot, “You spent a-all week making a present? F-for me?”, he stuttered with a big dopey grin splitting his face. Marinette nodded, another soft giggle escaping her mouth. All the guests were now watching them, holding their breaths. She handed him the pretty red box. Nino sat down on the grass right there in front of her and opened it, hands shaking with eagerness and breath held in anticipation. Mari sat across from him, covering her eyes with her hands, afraid of his judgement. This was her first time gifting someone one of her sewing-projects, after all. 

His delighted gasp led to her parting her fingers slightly, only now noticing all the tiny cuts covering them, no doubt the price she had to pay for still being clumsy at sewing (”even though I have been doing it for a year now, I should be better than that”, she mentally scolded herself). Her thoughts were interrupted by a round of gasps coming from the tiny audience surrounding the best-friends-duo. Marinette focused back on Nino and dropped her hands to her mouth, squeaking in delight. The boy in front of her put on the basecap she made him and was grinning even wider, which she, until then, wasn’t even sure were possible. He hugged her, in a much gentler embrace then the previous time. His fingers were soft, not covered in cuts and red spots, as he pulled away and took her hands in his, not caring about the giggles and ew-s from their audience, nor the blush creeping up Maris’ cheeks. “I love it...so much”, what he meant, though, was “I wish you were my soulmate”.

And Mari couldn’t agree more.

-----------------------------------------------

It was dark, a coffee mug was standing amongst an army of already finished ones and a droopy eyed girl was sitting in front of them, lazily turning a page on the book her english-teacher assigned her to read. She recognized the storyline, knew all the plot-twists and felt connected to the characters as if she’d been there herself. The strange thing about that though, was that she has never laid eyes on it before. Of course that didn’t stop her from reading it. There were assignments she had to fullfill and tests she had to ace, which were connected to that piece of literature and she couldn’t risk getting a bad grade due to a foolish reliance on her instincts. 

Instincs.

Yes that is what they are and of course none of this is connected to her soulmate. 

It couldn’t be, she couldn’t dare dream of it. They died, that’s what that numbness she felt for over six months must have meant. That’s why those scars were now gracing her whole body. Her soulmate could not have survived this. No mortal being could go through so much and still be breathing. 

The new bruises and cuts she was getting now and then? Her Ladybug suit can’t protect her from everything, being thrown over the Saine so may times couldn’t have left her with no traces whatsoever. Yes, that’s the reason. He’s not resurrected, that’s silly...there’s no way.

---------------------------------------------

“What happened to your lips, milady?”, Ladybugs partner purred as they layed on a roof not far from the eiffel tower, watching the stars, having just finished patrol a few minutes ago. “M-my lips?”, the 16 year old girl stuttered, a tiny voice immediatly occupying her, previously calm, mind with thoughts of her soulmate. They have been acting up lately, not that it was possible. They were gone. 

There’s no way, she must have been hallucinating again. She must have forgotten how she hurt her lip, she must be feeling side-effects from the loss of her soulmate. Her thoughts were spiralling and that tiny voice in her mind was whispering, filling her denial with doubts and cracks and making her heart beat faster. 

“Your lips, they look... different...”, Chat Noirs voice interrupted the turmoil in her head. Ladybug gazed over to him, only to find him closer to her then when they first layed down. His eyes were glistening, seemingly shining even brighter than the Eiffel Tower in it’s nightly glory. A foreign sensation ran through her veins, a weird tingling covering her whole body. It could have been mistaken for goosebumps, if it weren’t for the warm summernight they were currently enjoying. “They do..?” she said, though it came out as nothing more than a whisper, for he was already so so close, even closer than when they are in battle. Their noses were almost touching, his eyes took up all of her view and for once she wouldn’t dare complain. Since when does she like that proximity? Why is his warmth so intriguing? Why does she enjoy the way his arms found their place on both sides of her body? “They look so...red...like your suit...Ladybug re-”, he got interrupted by his lips sealed shut. Shut not with that redness he mentioned, not with that love or attraction and reciprocated admiration Adrien was hoping for. No, it was her red suited hand which covered his mouth to silent him. She felt it before she heard it. An earthquake was rummaging through the streets and handling it was much more important than handling that purring in her best friend.

-------------------------------------------------

Jason was annoyed. His fingers were full of cuts: sure, he was used to that. His hips were bruised from his soulmate constantly closing doors and cupboards with them, at least that’s what he thinks they do to cause such silly bruises: no problem, he didn’t mind dealing with that. His backpains he could deminguish by working out, though he has been thinking of finding them just to tell his significant other to better their fucking posture. But the tiredness? Holy fuck! It’s like he’s sleeping for both of them! Whenever he sat down to read he just... collapsed. Guess he’ll have to dream about it... yeah sure it’s fair, ‘cause after all she treated his wounds for both of them, too. It’s like she had some kind of superpower which made them heal clean, never leaving more than a white line behind. Nontheless, right then he would rather have ugly scars than have to deal with this inhuman tiredness. His grumpy grumbling was interrupted by Red Robin speaking up in his ear.

“Hood where are you? The portal is about to appear, we won’t be able to wait.”

“I’m on my way, give me 2 more minutes.”

“Hurry.”

With that, the line went silent and his mind went back to coordinating his grappling hook and limbs into getting him to the batcave in time. He had planned on finishing at least one of Terry Pratchets and Neil Gaimans novels in preparation for the moviemarathon he and his brothers had planned for the upcoming week. “Good Omens” is a masterpiece but he refused to watch any visualizers nor read the book if he hadn’t read all of the previous works the authors had published. “It’s not just about the continuation, it’s a matter of respect.”, he rememberd telling Stephanie, when she asked him why Alfred was handing him a box filled with a combined number of about a hundred books. He had work to do and reality to escape, but that last part was none of his lovely sisters business. 

Zoning back into reality he noticed he had already reached his destination. “Focus Jason. There’s a whole city just waiting to be pulled out of the ashes.” With that thought in mind, he entered the batcave and went straight for the portal, following his siblings into the destroyed city of love.

----------------------

Adrien was on edge. The fight has been going on for four days, the city was nothing but blood and ashes, the akuma-shelters weren’t enough to protect every citizien who has lost their home to the earthquakes and following akuma attacks. Many people have died, many have volunteered and too many of those have died in the process. It was traumatic, painful and quite honestly felt like the end of the world. They could fix it, of course. But to do so she had to survive and Adrien, or Chat Noir as you will, was not about to leave her unprotected. He didn’t know where she got her power from, why she could go on without taking a break for so long. He has lost count on how many times he saw her helping someone who was about to be crushed by a collapsing building, how many times she was screaming in frustration, torn between following the akuma and guiding a lost civilian to safety. 

It was an incredibly sneaky akuma. It was nearly translucent, consisting mostly of dirt and dust. It could hide in the mess it made, attack you from behind and you wouldn’t be sure whether it was a flying brick or it’s fist hitting your head. It hasn’t officialy announced itself yet, hasn’t given itself a name or shown any forms of weakness. Hawkmoth was definetly trying out a new approach and highly succeeding. The Dustmonster was probably planning on wearing them out until they wouldn’t be strong enough to resist it going for their miraculous.

In the beginning Chat felt like he could trust his Lady to take care of herself, trusted for her to keep the target in mind and think of a plan while he was going to protect her and the citizens around them. It worked, at first. She figured out what the akuma was, aka figured out that it was an akuma in the first place and soon started giving out orders to police and firemen. After a day of trying to get the akuma, in order to stop it before things could go out of hand and failing to do so, no matter which strategy the heroes tried and no matter how many seemingly random Lucky Charms they used, they decided to replan. 

They met on a building not far away from Marinettes home, Chat remembered. They were hoping to come up with a new plan and let Ladybugs Kwami recharge. The recharging was an already practiced routine they came up with, once her fifth Lucky Charm has also failed. They jumped into the water, which was apparently off limits to the akuma, since the dust didn’t settle properly and it wasn’t able to hide (any attempts of getting it wet were blocked by the destruction of another building, which led to the heroes saving the civilans and themselves instead of attacking the enemy.) One of Ladybugs Lucky-Charms straight up covered the Saine, turned up side down boats now gracing the surface. Those boats mobilised possible hiding and resting places for the heroes. 

That time though, they needed more food for Tikki and Plagg and what better place to restock could there be, than the famous Dupain-Cheng bakery?  Ladybug swung in and came back with two baskets. One full of cheese and the other full of cookies. Chat grabbed the smelly one and turned to jump in the direction of the river, when they heard it. 

A grumbling which turned into a roaring and finally morphed into deafening laughter. That was the first time they heard the akumas voice. Instead of shouting the following words, the way it did scream in laughter, it just spoke in an even, eerie and scarily confident voice: “You should stop asking for help, insect. Helping others only leads to you getting hurt. Help won’t save you. Your precious little safety-nets won’t save you.”, the sound was coming out of the dust, echoing off of every destructed creation, seeping into each broken bone and every fractured mind. “You think you can reach out? Think someone is going to pull you away from under the pressure of this worlds eternal suffering? You are wrong. No one came to save me, no one is capable of saving. You.”, the last word came out emotional. The monotone voice the akuma had previously used to preach it’s intents was gone. A shiver ran up Marinettes spine. The dust surrounding the city build up and rose in columns, coming out of every broken source from all over Paris, towering over it, looming dangerously over it’s citizens. Everyone was trying to decipher the meaning of those words, Adrien was the first one to realise. 

“Marinette!”

Ladybug first looked at him in shock, thinking he had figured her out, then she realised what he he had actually meant. Chat was off, jumping on her balcony and screaming her name. 

“No...”

The silence before the storm, the frightening towers of dust and dirt started moving, accompanied by horrified screams of terrorised civilians. The dirt wasn’t meant for them, though. It flew as if it were one. Gigantic snakes with one single target. 

Marinette ran, but the destruction was quicker.

The Dupain-Cheng ceiling collapsed. Marinettes yo-yo missed it’s target as she plummeted to the ground. Her vision was blurry, her mind blank, eyes wide and  breath unconciously held. 

She didn’t recognize the pain as she hit the pavement. 

She didn’t even think as she called out for her seventh Lucky Charm. 

Ladybugs cry echoed through the ruins of Paris as her usualy leather-clad partner fell from the sky, with tears in his eyes and covered in a red and black spotted suit. “Sabine she’s...they’re...”, both of them broke down crying in each others arms. Adrien never knew how great his partners pain actually was, in comparison to his.

---------------------------------

Hi! This is my first try at writing MariBat and my first fanfic in like... 4 years? 

I’ve just recently graduated Highschool so I’m now embracing my free time and trying to get back on my creative track.  

Please comment, I NEED to know what you think of this. Critique and all that is very appreciated, even a simple “YES” is going to absolutely make my day and, honestly, you could comment about dogs and I’d be happy to read it. 

Thanks for reading ^^

[nooneactuallyasked]

Diner Gal - Reggie x Reader Part 10

Requested: It’s a series, there are no requests here!

Word count: 1,088

Warnings: Cursing

Summary: Julie and the Phantoms ( + Flynn ) go to a musical diner/café/restaurant for inspiration and hopefully a future gig but they end up meeting a very special waitress.

Note: I’m back! Sorry, I had catch up on school work but luckily I have a week off now so more time to write. We’re also nearing the end which makes me really sad lmao (if you have any requests or suggestions for other things to write about let a girl know lol)

I felt like adding more to the diner staff because it’s meant to be like a family but you only know some names and that Sam is the best character here- Caleb as Mother Gothel is my new favourite thing btw I have way too many Willex/Tangled headcanons for no reason lmao

---

Part 1 here   Part 2 here   Part 3 here   Part 4 here   Part 5 here   

Part 6 here   Part 6.5 here   Part 7 here   Part 8 here   Part 9 here  

---

Y/N absent-mindedly stirred a cup of coffee, staring into space as her co-workers observed her from afar. “Is- is she okay?” Sam whispered to Noelle who turned to glare at him incredulously, “You’re not serious, are you? She looks like her pet hamster was just taken for ransom and killed right after she handed over the money- what do you mean is she okay, of course not!” Sam raised their hands in defence, “Alright chill, I was just asking because if were to ask her I would straight up die. You girls are fucking scary.” You could almost hear the snaps of necks as all the female staff turned to glare at them. Noelle jabbed her finger into their chest, leaning close to their face. “Now you listen to me, Sammy, you haven’t seen scary and you best hope you never do. Now stop gawking and do your work!” She stepped back and went to pick up an order from the counter. Sam gulped and looked away, “That was kinda hot. Scary, but crazy attractive…” Casey raises an eyebrow and steps away from her observing point, “Okay, we get it, you’re a simp, get back to work before she actually gets mad.” Sam nodded frantically, saluting her before running to take orders.

Casey sighed, “I’m like a single mother but without the commitment of having real kids.” She turned to look back at Y/N, “And now time to sort this mess out.” Casey made her way over to the counter and started messing around with the ketchup and mustard bottles, “So, Doll, you gonna stay here feeling sorry for yourself or tell me what’s going on with you?”

---

Y/N sat in the break room, after hours once again due to Caleb. “Okay, Y/N, we’re gonna fix this, we’ll sort it out just fine! The only problem is the whole possession thing, I have no clue how that stuff works. If I can find a way around that then we should be fine…would an exorcism work?” Y/N tenses when she hears chuckling from behind her, “I hope you aren’t planning on getting rid of me, Diner Gal.” She released a breath she didn’t know she was holding, all the tension flooding out of her body, “Hey, Leather Boy. No, I’ve got other ghostly problems other than just you.” Reggie frowned, he may be an airhead sometimes but he liked to believe he was at least a bit perceptive of other’s emotions so he decided to try and cheer her up anyway he could.

Reggie gasped, raising a hand to his heart feigning offence, “Are you cheating on me? I thought I was your only ghost problem.” He started panicking when he saw her shoulders start shaking, was Y/N crying? How do you comfort a crying girl and not make her even more upset? “Are you okay? I’m sorry!” Y/N quickly turned to look at him, “Sorry? For what? Oh” “Okay, so not that perceptive with emotions…” He muttered to himself, Y/N furrowed her eyebrows but shrugged it off

“Anyway, what are your ghostly troubles? Perhaps I could help since I do happen to be of the ghostly variety.” Y/N hesitated before blurting out her troubles, “OkaysotheresthisweirdghostmancalledCalebandhespossessingCalandIdontknowwhattodosoifyouhaveanyideasonhowtohelppleasetellme-“

“Okay, I know I’m a fast talker but I don’t speed Sonic the Hedgehog so slow down and I’ll help out as best as I can, alright?” Y/N nodded, suddenly taking great interest in the skin around her fingernails, “So, um, there’s this ghost dude who is possessing Cal, he said his name was Caleb and that I either have to make a deal with him or I’ll lose Cal forever.” But if I do that I’ll lose you too-

“Wow, that is rough. Um, okay, I’ll get Alex to ask his boyfriend if there’s anything we can do to help Cal. Just, don’t worry about it too much, we’ll get through this.” Y/N sniffed, feeling her eyes start to water, “We? You’ll really help me?” Reggie’s gaze softened and he took both of her hands in his, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, “Of course I will, I’d never make you deal with this by yourself, and hey, now we know why Cal was loading you up with extra work!” Y/N chuckled, turning her gaze toward their intertwined hands, “Thanks, Reg. That means a lot.” She smiled up at him as Reggie’s face and tips of his ears turned red, “You okay? You’re uh-“ She took one of her hands away from his grip and gestured towards her face. Reggie looked away, his blush worsening, “Point is, I’m here for you, so don’t worry! I’m gonna go ask Alex’s boyfriend for help but I’ll see you later.”

Y/N nodded as she moved away, giving him space to poof, “Right, see ya later.” Reggie held her gaze for a few more seconds before waving and poofing out.

“Well, I thought he’d never leave!”

Y/N spun around to face the purple-clad puppeteer she’d come to know as Caleb, “You. What do you want now?” She was met with a sinister laugh, one that she was quickly growing tired of. “My dear, I’m simply here to drop off something that will, when signed, make our deal permanent and binding.” Y/N rolled her eyes, “And exactly why would I sign that?” She shivered as the slightly tense atmosphere turned frigid, if the feeling before could be described as a muddy red, agitated but otherwise harmless, this feeling was a piercing blue, capable of cutting through a person and freezing them in place. “Listen here, girlie. If you ever want to see your precious Cal again you’ll have this signed before the end of the boys little performance on Friday. Is that clear?” Y/N swallowed before meeting his penetrating stare, “Crystal.”

“Perfect, I’m glad there are no misunderstanding between us, I wouldn’t want to accidentally lose Cal’s soul whilst I’m possessing him.” Y/N stared him down, hoping her glower had at least some effect on him. “You wouldn’t dare-“ “Darling, in case you hadn’t noticed, you hold no power over me and saying something as pointless as that won’t change anything. Now, here’s my contract. Do think over it, won’t you?” He placed it on the nearest surface before disappearing in a poof of black smoke. “Fucking dramatic ass bitch.”

Y/N ran a hand over her face, groaning at the thought of more problems being added onto her already comically long list. “I hope Leather Boy’s friend has some answers or I’m fucking done for…”

---

Taglist: (if your @ changed then please let me know so I can add it back!!)

@hereforthejatp   @slutforjjmaybank   @morganayennefertyrell

@dxestars​   @dcnerd98   @ultraworthlessbitch

@revolutionary-werewolf-ghosts   @underc0vercryptid​  @miisacore

@cas-loves-pizza​

[halethestilinskis]

Life is not great rn

Just another text note about how my life has imploded over the past 2 weeks. Read if you would like!

Not sure if I put it in past notes, but I work at an optometrist office, with an optical shoppe attached to it, and we actually make cut and make the glasses in house at the Foxboro location, where I primarily am. I used to be a tech, where I would get all your readings before you went in to see the doctor, until we hired some more people and I ended up getting "promoted" to front desk, where I was for about 6 weeks. The new techs, that everyone loves and does a great job, I trained by the way. I got a raise about 3 months ago, I was told by every doctor that I was improving, and look more comfortable and confident in the office. Which I did. Then it all blew up in my face.

The girl training me was named Kelly, and she should never train anyone ever. The way she answers my questions, makes it sound like the dumbest question in the world, made me feel like an absolute fucking idiot every time I was at work. She would point out every LITTLE mistake I would make. For instance, they had a portion or their chart that asked if they had any other eye problems, like amblyopia (lazy eye) or if they had LASIK or something like that, and in a lot of the patients charts, it had "other" in there, when it should be "negative" because there's nothing in there. I get it, and most of the time I fixed it, but if I didn't she would point it out and get real pissy about it. Then I would go through the chart to make sure it was done before the doctor took it, and she made the same fucking mistake, but I couldn't say anything about it. ALSO, they would put their hobbies in there, and even if the hobbies were the same, but the wording was different, she would  yell at me to change it, which I thought was a waste of time.. Ya know… because it is, and again, she would make the same mistakes. She was the one reporting to my boss how I was doing, and no one else was, so every little thing I did, she would make it out to be the end of the world. For instance, I overcharged someone for their contact lens evaluation, the father, who always buys contacts through us, was a doctor and Kelly flipped out, telling me I was going to call him and tell him I messed up and see if wanted a refund, which in return cost our office money. When I could've put it as a credit, and when he came to buy contacts through us, we would take it off that order. She goes, "they're doctors" and I was like okay?? Tell me which doctor knows anything about insurance. Guess what, he wanted a refund, and it cost our office money (:

Anyway, anytime I went to work I was stressed out, walking into that building made my blood pressure rise, and any time she wasn't there, it was a great day. So on Wednesday, July 27th, I was told by the doctor that she was moving me to the Milford office, which I hate, but it's away from Kelly so I was all for it, and ready to show that I didn't need her to do my job well. Dr. M, told me she wanted to move me up there so I can take some pressure from the new girl and she can train a little bit more, and she was moving Sam down to Foxboro, because the new girl in Milford sucks and so does her attitude. I noticed I was opening, and told her I didn't have a key to the office, she happily gave me one and I was ready for the week to end. 

The next day, I was up front by myself training a new girl that is usually in pretest, but she needs to learn how to work the front as well. Everything was fine, it got a little weird and busy in the middle, but I worked through it, and everything was fine. Around 3, the contacts I had in were REALLY dry and basically about to come out of my eye just by blinking. I decided to take them out and get the glasses I kept in my car for this exact reason. These were my shitty glasses I got from Zenni when I didn't work there, so I didn't ruin my expensive lenses I got from them, again not while working there. They don't have a visible logo, and a patient never asked me about them. The only person to ask me about them, were the guys in the lab that cut the lenses for glasses, because they obviously weren't my normal pair. I told them they were shitty glasses from Zenni, and no patients were in the back while I said that. I wore them at the front for about 2 hours, again, only glasses I had on me, and Dr. D, never said anything to me about them, nor was I planning on wearing them there ever again. Friday, I had the day off, and rested and recharged for my Saturday shift on the 31st. I was excited for one, because Kelly wasn't on with me, the next day was Eric and I's 5th wedding anniversary and we had plans to stay in Boston and have a really expensive and delicious dinner, so I was ready to get the day over with and celebrate with my man. At the end of the day, I was looking through money, and remember that guy I overcharged earlier, well, the optician overcharged him again for his sons evaluation, and guess what, no one yelled at her. Anyway, she fucked up money and me and someone else were trying to figure it out, when Dr. D called me back. Now I messed up in the middle of the day, just a very small mess up and I was prepared for hi, to basically tell me to get my shit together and do better, and I would, especially if I wasn't going to be in this office anymore. Do you know how difficult and stressful it is to do your job effectively, with no mistakes, while someone is literally breathing down your neck? Anyway, he told me that they hired a lot of new people and because of that, my position became really competitive, and even though I was improving and I always take what the doctors say to heart and fix my problems, I was just not where they needed me to be, and that day was my last day.

I was COMPLETELY blindsided, like you literally gave me a key and said I was doing great 4 DAYS AGO, what changed from then to now. So, I was like, "okay" backed my shit, called Eric, crying, telling him what happened, asked the optician to move her car so I could leave and cried literally all day, not understanding why this happened.

So now I'm on unemployment, looking for another job trying to find one that makes good money or at least somewhere in the range of what I was making and trust me, it's extremely difficult.

Eric and I decided maybe we shouldn't stay in Boston because now were not going to make the 1K we planned on spending, back like we thought. My mom was nice enough to get us a hotel, and my family was having a party on that day, so we decided to stop by there and say hi, have some food, and then head to Boston and get some dinner. It was delicious and less than half of what we would have spent, although we plan on going there when I get another job. We went back to the hotel and I took a shower and as I was getting out I heard him on the phone with someone and it ended with "sir". I got out and asked him what was going on, and he said he just got a forced shift for in the morning 8-4. He's a cop, and he can't say no to those. We decided to pack it up and go home so he could get some sleep, I wasn't leaving Boston at 6 AM, but it really screwed our plans. I went to my moms the next day and gave her half the money back, because we couldn't use the room. He went to work, then it was my moms birthday. So I got her flowers and a cake and went over to give it to her. I had plans to go to Brockton to get Eric and I dinner at Sarku, since that was our original plan on the way back from Boston, and we had a nice dinner. I was sent a snapchat from my brothers girlfriend and they were singing happy birthday to my mom with a cake that no one ever told me about. So I got dressed and went to my moms, she lives, literally right around the corner.

On Tuesday, I had a normal day, definitely still dwelling about getting fired, but getting over it, regardless of the reason. Sam texts me during the day, and Dr. D, the one who fired me, is telling another employee that I was fired because I was promoting Zenni, which made me LIVID. I never once promoted them, and I actually always bash them because their glasses SUCK and the only reason I had them is because I wanted a blue light filter for gaming and I didn't want them on my everyday, or pay $300 of them at my office. We tell every patient they suck, and they should get nice glasses for everyday, especially people with a high RX, high cyl, or progressives. So now I'm thinking he got that impression from me wearing my Zenni glasses for 2 hours in the office, again with no visible logo, and I'm still livid, because if he did, he should've said something to me about it, instead of firing me. Now I'm mad and want to get to the bottom of this. I email Dr. M, to hear her side and she stuck with what was originally said, and said at the end that I was laid off, not fired, and I could collect unemployment. I made a Tiktok making fun of what she said with the Stewie voice over of "Oh hold on Louis just texted you, do you want meatballs or burgers for dinner… I'll text back for you, same thing bitch, just different shapes" with the caption of "When your boss says you weren't fired, you were laid off". Which by the way, I do know the difference, but either way, I no longer had a job. AND GUESS WHO FOUND IT, you guess it, my fucking former boss, and she emailed me about, super. She didn't take offense, she just explained the difference to me, but either way, still embarrassing. My dad also texted me about it, which I did not answer, because he didn't hasn’t apologized to me.

I filed for unemployment, and it has yet to be approved 2 weeks later. I told Eric not to worry about household chores because I don't have a job and I can handle it while he works. My mom has been BEGGING me to come down to the Cape with my family, I said won't because, A.) there's no where for me to sleep. B.) I don't have a job, therefore can't spent a ton of money, C.) my mom likes to push every button of mine when she's drunk and then wonder why I'm being a bitch, and D.) there's nothing up there that I haven't done already. My whole family went though, and now that my brother is up there, my house is like straight up haunted. I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bed twice at 4:23 AM, and it definitely was not in my dream, it didn't match up to my dream. Then yesterday, I was sitting in the living room and I heard the fire alarm in the basement go off, and as soon as I opened the basement door, it just stopped. Nothing was wrong down there in the first place, and I constantly hear creaks upstairs like someone is walking when they only have their 5 pound cat up there. It's been 2 weeks since I applied for unemployment and I still haven't gotten paid, so I called yesterday and they said that my employer had to finish paperwork, so I emailed her and let her know. She said there's nothing on her end to do, so I called again today. They said that there is an overdue form and she needs to call this number. Told her, and she called and they said there's nothing for her to fill out and my name isn't even popping up under her employer unemployment, so something went wrong down the line, that we're both not sure of.

And the cherry on top…. Eric made an arrest yesterday, and everything was fine and dandy until his LT called this morning, and he had to go into the station. He was told it was a "bad arrest", and I want to clarify, that he arrested a dude for assault and battery that violated a restraining order, BUT, it wasn't in our city, where he works to it was a bad arrest, ONLY because of that. So, now he had to write a letter to the chief and to the union lawyer, along with the other officer at the scene and the LT that approved his report, and we're a little unsure of what's going to happen next and we've both been stressed all day about it. He's doing better now and hanging out, but I can't destress ever.

So these last two weeks have been absolutely horrible and I want to just have ONE GOOD DAY in my time off from not having a job!!

[pcychedelic]

Business Before Pleasure

Relationship(s): Kim Minseok/Reader

Tags: Friends with benefits, Flashbacks; Angst, Smut

Rating: Explicit (explicit themes, explicit language, sex)

Synopsis: What happens when an old flame with ‘bad idea’ written all over his face knocks on the door again after five years? You let him in, of course.

Chapters [Word Count]:

Chapter 1 [4.9k]

Chapter 2 [13k]

Chapter 3 [7.6k]

Chapter 4 [5.8k]

Chapter 5 [2.6k]

Click on the links above to read chapters on Asianfanfics (AFF).

Friendly reminder that mature words are censored when you’re reading as a guest on AFF, so make sure to log into your AFF account and turn off the content filter to read the chapters without censors.

Read Chapter 1 below.

Special thanks to my beta readers, Diana, Julie, Lorraine, May, and Min for their patience and feedback.

Listen to this fic’s playlist here.

Chapter 1

“Welcome back, Ms. Oh,” Kwangsoo greets you with a smile as you walk toward him. “How was New York?”

You park your luggage cart beside the car. Kwangsoo opens the trunk and immediately hauls your luggage from the cart. “It was okay,” you reply as the chauffeur loads the bags into the car. “A little duller than I expected, but I’m no stranger to disappointment.”

Kwangsoo laughs good-naturedly. “It’s nice to have you back home,” he says. He closes the trunk after loading the last of your luggage and then walks over to the driver’s side. “Whenever you’re ready, ma’am.”

As you watch Kwangsoo disappear into the driver’s seat, you hear the shrill sound of your ringtone coming from your purse. You pull it out to see who’s already calling you just a few minutes after you’ve landed, and a scoff leaves your lips when your eyes fall onto the caller ID. You press answer.

“Hey, sis. Welcome back!”

“What do you want, Sehun?” you ask, not bothering to indulge your brother’s faux pleasantries. He only ever calls you when he has fucked up and needs your help.

A nervous laugh resonates through the line. You can imagine the stupid face Sehun’s probably making right now. “What? Do I have to want something from you before I call?”

“Yes,” you deadpan, replying without missing a beat, but of course that’s because you know your brother more than anyone else. “Hurry up and tell me what you need. I’m about to leave the airport with Kwangsoo.”

“Okay, fine,” says Sehun, finally dropping the act. He sighs once, then proceeds to ask, “Remember that press conference I’m supposed to be covering today?”

You open the car door and enter the vehicle, transferring your phone from one ear to the other. “Not really. I was in New York, remember? I’m not up to date with what’s happening in the office,” you reply. You hold up a hand to Kwangsoo, gesturing to him to wait before he starts driving.

“Oh, right. I forgot. But the thing is… I kinda, sorta can’t make it today because I have to accompany dad to this deal signing with Doh and Kim and I completely forgot about the press conference before I said yes to him,” he explains.

You can’t help but roll your eyes at the way your brother manages to screw even the simplest of things over. “That’s not my problem, Sehun. I don’t do press conferences anymore. Isn’t there someone else that can cover for you?”

“Yeah… I already thought about that, but sadly, our senior correspondents are also booked for today. Seulgi’s in France for Cannes, Chaeyoung’s attending another press conference, and Jihyo’s at the Samsung launch. So… see what I’m trying to say?”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes in mild irritation. “No, I don’t see what you’re trying to say. What does this have to do with me? Send other correspondents, then. I’m supposed to be on leave until next week,” you give him a not-so-friendly reminder.

Sehun groans into the receiver, acting like how a child does when they’re being repetitively told no. “I can’t send just anyone,” he argues, “This is a high-profile press conference. Why do you think I’m the one who’s supposed to cover it in the first place?”

You stay silent after that. The more you think about it, the more you realize that perhaps Sehun’s making a valid case here. He only calls you whenever he needs help, but he doesn’t do so unless he’s really out of options.

“Fine,” you finally agree. “Text me the location and call Seungwan to tell her to meet me there.” You end the call, and after just a few seconds, Sehun has already texted you where you’re supposed to go. “Change of plans, Kwangsoo,” you tell the chauffeur as your eyes scan your brother’s text message. “Take me to the Lotte Hotel.”

 —

 The moment you enter the hotel lobby and see dozens of reporters and photographers lining up to get their media passes, a cold wave of nostalgia washes over you.

Your mind travels back to the first time you covered your first event when you were just seventeen, which was the product of tireless persuasion until your father finally allowed you to write for the company’s news network.

That was ten years ago, a time when things were a lot easier than they are now.

You find your secretary waving at you from one of the sofas in the lobby. She runs toward you with a big smile on her face, crushing you with a hug when she finally reaches you.

“I’ve missed you!” Seungwan exclaims, almost tripping the two of you over with the embrace. “You have to tell me all about New York!”

You laugh as you break away from the hug. “I will, I will,” you promise. “But first, we need to get our passes.”

“I already have them,” Seungwan smiles as she holds out two laminated media passes in one hand, and a huge camera on the other. “They panicked when I told them I’m from OBC and showed them my company ID, scrambling to hand me our passes. I see your brother managed to get us in the front row,” she says while inspecting the pass.

You snag the laminated card away from her hand and wear the pass around your neck. “As he should,” you say, pertaining to Sehun getting front row media passes. “He owes me for this. I don’t even know whose press conference this is.”

A man clad in a nice suit announces to the reporters in the lobby that the ballroom on the third floor is now open for those attending the press conference. Seungwan takes you by the hand and drags you to the elevators, seemingly overly-excited.

You can’t blame her, really. It’s been a while since you’ve been out in the field yourself, and even back in those days, Seungwan has already been by your side. After your father appointed you as network head three years ago, Seungwan naturally had to go with you, and she’s been stuck with boring office work ever since.

The ballroom's organized just as you remember press conferences are, with standing tables and buffet counters laid with various finger food at the back and five, maybe more, rows of chairs neatly arranged in front. A long table draped in black is set up on the stage where mic stands and bottled waters are prepared on top of it.

“Do you mind if I… eat first?” Seungwan asks shyly, looking at the buffet tables. “I haven’t eaten lunch yet. I was about to earlier, but then Sehun called and I had to drop everything to make it here before you did.”

“Sure, go ahead,” you say as you take the bulky camera from her hands. Just then, you remember that you still have no idea as to whose press conference this is, but when you turn around to ask Seungwan, she has already made a beeline for the food.

Shrugging, you make your way to the front row of chairs where you are assigned to sit. You notice brown envelopes on top of every chair, and you deduce that it probably contains the primers for the event.

You pull out the contents of the envelope on top of your seat as you sit down, and your entire body freezes when you finally see who’s going to be sitting at the table onstage.

 —

 “I thought you were gonna help me study for my business reporting final,” you glare at Minseok as he spins himself on your computer chair.

He chuckles, which irritates you even further. “I was… But then I remembered that your family owns Oh E&M, which means you don’t need a journalism degree to be a journalist. You can just walk up to daddy and ask for a job, and bam! You’re a journalist.”

“It doesn’t work that way.”

“Sure it does,” Minseok insists, continuing to spin the chair around. You’re the one who’s starting to get nauseous for him. “Come to think of it, you don’t need a college degree at all. You don’t need to study well to work for some company because your family already owns one of the biggest in the country.”

“Okay, that’s it,” you say as you stand up from your bed and walk toward your bedroom door, opening it to tell Minseok that you’re not joking. “You promised you were gonna help me study but since it doesn’t look like you intend to keep that promise, you can leave now.”

This finally gets Minseok to stop spinning in that goddamn chair. He gets up and walks over to you, closing the door behind you. He lets his hand stay on the door so that his arm is parallel to you, effectively enclosing you in front of him.

“I was just joking,” he whispers with a sincere look of regret on his face. “Well… I was telling the truth but I was saying it jokingly. I was just trying to lighten the mood because you’ve been stressed all week long. Don’t make me leave. I’m sorry.”

Tears begin to pool in your eyes faster than you can stop them, and the next thing you know, you’re crying on Minseok’s chest.

You hate this. You hate crying in front of people, Minseok especially. But he’s right, this week has been particularly hard on you, and perhaps it’s okay to cry just this once.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Minseok says softly. He gently lifts your chin with his hand and makes you look at him while his other hand brushes off tears from your cheek. “You’re the smartest person I know. You’re gonna ace that stupid business reporting final and tell Ms. Park that she can suck your dick.”

You laugh despite rolling your eyes, sniffling as you wipe your own tears. “I don’t have a dick for Ms. Park to suck,” you joke back. In a more serious tone, you say, “I’m not your girlfriend, Min. You don’t need to say stuff like that. You can just laugh at me whenever I breakdown in front of you, you know, just like how mean you normally are to me.” You walk past Minseok and return to your bed, urging your tears to stop coming as you pick up your notes and prepare to start reviewing again.

“I can do that, but I’m not an asshole,” Minseok says as he turns around.

“Sure you’re not.”

“Okay, you know what…” Minseok begins to say as he makes his way toward you. With your back facing him, he pulls your notebook away from you and drops it on the floor. Before you can protest, his hands find their way to your shoulders and begin to massage them, the circular motion of his fingers relaxing you instantly. “You can study later. You’ve been studying all week. What you need is to relax.”

“But… I need to study,” you say despite your neck tilting to the side, your body silently urging Minseok to continue what he’s doing.

Minseok chuckles, his hands finding your pressure points effortlessly, causing you to soften further under his touch. “Is that the only reason why you called me over? To help you study?” he asks, his breath fanning over your neck as he leans toward you.

You swallow thickly and then bite your lip, thankful that Minseok can’t see how his touch is affecting you so much. “I… asked you for notes, remember? You didn’t bring them,” you manage to say through labored breaths.

“I’ll help you study,” he says. “Later.”

His mouth finds its way to your neck, leaving soft kisses in its wake and sending your body ablaze. His hands fall from your shoulders down to your waist and under your shirt. His touch is electric as he draws lazy circles on your skin.

The fact that you can feel his growing hardness as he continues to languidly mark your neck isn’t helping your case, causing heat and slickness to build up on your core. Minseok notices this and sucks on your flesh some more, his lips detaching with a pop once he’s through. You make a mental note in your head to prepare your concealer for tomorrow, as you already know that he’s already left a mark like he always does.

“Lie down on the bed for me,” he whispers, his lips grazing your ear.

You do as you’re told. Minseok follows you soon after, hovering above you. He kisses you once on the lips, then back on your neck, and then lower and lower until he’s placed a kiss on every part of your body before stopping just above your groin.

He pulls your shorts down along with your panties and throws them on the floor. He peppers your inner thighs with small kisses as he spreads you wide, each kiss sending shocks throughout your body.

Minseok runs a finger down your slit and you shiver. “Already so wet for me,” he says in a rough voice, pushing the tip of his finger inside of you ever so slowly. It slides in without trouble, given how needy you already are for him, and you arch your back as you moan as if asking for more. Minseok tsks, “So impatient.”

He pulls out the tip of his finger and before you can complain, he thrusts it in again and again and again until he’s set a steady rhythm. “Fuck, Minseok!” you let out a scream when he finally buries it all the way, and you’re thankful that you’re alone in the house because it wasn’t the most modest of sounds.

You barely have time to recover from your wail when Minseok’s tongue joins his finger, your hips buckling at every lick and suck his mouth does between your legs. The room gets filled with moan after moan and the sound of your wetness on Minseok’s lips, and he only stops when you’re breathless.

Minseok pulls his finger out of you slowly as your chest rises and falls from the euphoria, but when he aligns his finger with your mouth, you know that he’s just barely starting. “Taste yourself,” he directs, and you’re more than happy to oblige.

You take his finger into your mouth, tasting your own slickness on his skin. You suck hard as Minseok pulls his finger out of your mouth, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob in his throat while he swallows thickly. “God… What I wouldn’t give to have your pretty mouth wrapped around my cock right now.”

His unapologetically filthy choice of words sends another wave of heat down to your core.

He dives down to kiss you deeply on the lips, biting your lower lip and soliciting another moan from you. He pulls away and looks straight into your eyes, his own pupils dilated. “I’d let you suck me dry, but…” he trails off, chuckling when you whimper. He continues, “But you’re the one who needs attention right now, princess.”

A strangled moan escapes from your lips at the sound of Minseok’s pet name for you. You twist your thighs together, doing anything you can to get some friction going. Minseok grips your left thigh and pulls it away from the other gently but firmly, keeping your legs open for him.

“What did I say about being impatient?” he asks with a teasing smirk on his lips. He then begins rubbing your clit at an agonizing pace, causing your hips to shoot upward, and he has to use his other hand to hold you down back on the mattress.

“Please, Minseok,” you beg, tears about to spill for the side of your eyes. “Please.”

He looks at you innocently, tilting his head to the side for added effect, all the while his sinful fingers continue circling around your bud. “What do you want me to do, princess? You need to be a little more specific.”

“Just fuck me already,” you finally say. You bite your lips to fight back a groan from escaping as Minseok hasn’t stopped rubbing you to insanity. “I need you inside me right now.”

Minseok’s hands finally freeze. His mouth quirks up into a mischievous smile. “Okay, princess. Since you asked so nicely.” He kisses you on the lips once again but then abruptly ends it, moving his mouth to your ear and then whispers, “Bend over for me.”

You comply in a heartbeat, going down on all fours with your back arched and your ass all for his taking. Minseok slaps it then, but you barely feel the sting, the sensation that’s supposed to be pain morphing into unbearable pleasure.

You can already feel yourself dripping down your thigh. You whine, “No more teasing, please.”

Minseok simply hums as if he never heard you, rubbing your entrance up and down with four of his fingers. He then runs the tip of his cock excruciatingly slowly along your slit, and it almost hurts how he’s taunting you like this. He’s never been one to be playful in bed.

The whimper straining in your throat turns into a loud, satisfied moan when he finally pushes himself all the way in. He groans loudly as your tight heat sucks his cock right up and clenches onto it.

“Fucking hell,” Minseok says, his voice rough and strained and needy. You can feel his entire length in you, and he’s never gone this deep until tonight. “You’re taking me so well, baby. Maybe I should tease you more often.”

You shake your head in contempt and begin throwing your ass back to feel friction, but you only get as far as five strokes before your thighs begin to buckle because of how close you already are.

“I’ve never seen you so eager,” Minseok laughs. “Just stay still, princess. I’m gonna make you cum so hard, you’ll be sore through next week.”

He finally moves, pounding into you slowly then harshly. Every slap of his groin to your back just edges you even further. You grab a pillow and bite into it to muffle your uncontrollable moans, but Minseok flings it away with just one hand. He slaps your ass once again. This time, the pain lingers.

“I want to hear you,” he growls. He thrusts even harder. “I want to hear how good my cock is making you feel, princess. I want to hear you loud and clear.”

Minseok’s strokes are relentless, and you realize that perhaps he wasn’t joking when he said that you’ll be sore through next week. But that’s a thought for later, because right now all you can think about is how roughness has never felt this good.

You shut your eyes tightly as you scream his name, scream about how good he feels inside you right now, scream for him to fuck you harder. And Minseok doesn’t stop, not even when you’re coming undone and you’re clenching so tightly around him and your thighs are quivering from the release.

He continues to rock inside of you even after you’re done, the overstimulation making you dizzy with pleasure. Minseok only slows down when he cums, his entire body spasming as he releases into you. He crumbles above you and drops on your back, leaving soft kisses on your skin as his cock shoots the last of his load in you. Your core feels all sorts of warm.

Minseok pulls out and you feel some of his cum pouring out of you as he does. It drips from your hole down to your thighs, mixing with your own release.

You turn over and lie on your back, spreading your legs as you push more of his cum out of you, the white liquid pouring down your sheets. Minseok swallows thickly as he watches you.

“Sorry about that,” Minseok apologizes, his voice tired but unmistakably blissed. “About your sheets, I mean.”

You shrug. “They’re just sheets, Min,” you say as you take a finger and push it inside of you, coating it with both your cum. You bring it to your mouth and suck at it, and you don’t miss how Minseok’s furiously biting his lower lip right now.

“You dirty, dirty girl.”

“Says the man who was fucking me to oblivion just a few seconds ago,” you retort, which earns another laugh from Minseok. You stand up from your bed and make your way toward the bathroom. “You’re gonna help me study when I get back. Oh, and can you please change the sheets?”

“Yes ma’am,” Minseok replies sarcastically.

 —

 The last time you saw Minseok was five years ago. After you flew to China for your master’s, your friendship died a natural death, but perhaps ‘friendship’ isn’t really the most appropriate term for what the two of you had. Minseok isn’t an ex-boyfriend. He’s simply an ex—someone from the past, someone who was a part of your life but isn’t anymore, someone you used to call at 2 am to cry to.

Seeing him again after so long feels surreal, like you aren’t sure if he was even real to begin with. But your mind travels back to the nights the two of you spent tangled with each other, whispering each other’s names, and those memories are far too vivid for your imagination to conjure up.

You feel like you’ve been submerged in freezing water, your nails digging so hard into your palms and your chest feeling too tight. Seungwan’s hand on your shoulder reels you back into reality.

“Is everything okay?” she asks.

But you can’t even give her a nod, not when your eyes are too fixated on Minseok’s face, a face you haven’t seen in so long that it feels like you’re seeing him for the first time all over again.

He hasn’t seen you yet, but he will eventually. Being seated in the front row doesn’t exactly make you inconspicuous.

You wonder if he’ll have the same reaction as the one you’re having right now when his eyes finally fall on you. What will he think when he sees you? What has he been up to for the past five years? Did he ever think about you all these years? The questions just keep on piling up in your mind, each one materializing just after you’ve thought of the other.

The emcee formally opens the event, a press conference for an indie film bound to premiere at next year’s Sundance Film Festival, where Minseok takes on a supporting role. The film seems to be a pretty big deal, judging by the stellar reviews from critics that the host used to introduce the flick, stating that if it does well at Sundance, it might be pushed to be South Korea’s representative feature at the Academy Awards the following year. Sehun wasn’t lying when he said that this was a high-end press conference.

You never expected this of Minseok—for him to be part of projects as important as this—but it’s not because you didn’t believe that he’s capable of it. Rather, it’s because of the fact that when you knew him when you were both younger, he’s never really shown interest in show business, much less be a part of the industry.

He was your senior back at Sungkyunkwan, a journalism and mass communication major just like you were. As far as you know, he wanted to become a broadcast journalist. But you also know that dreams can change in a much shorter time than what it took to build it. Minseok has always been full of surprises, even now.

Seungwan’s hand drops from your shoulder and she proceeds to take photos of the actors and actresses, but she still sports a worried look on her face. She doesn’t know about your history with Minseok—no one does, not even Sehun—so you wouldn’t expect her to understand why you’re acting the way you are right now.

The cast of the film begins introducing themselves one by one to the media, and when Minseok’s turn arrives, his gaze finally meets yours.

He freezes for a split-second before smiling and introducing himself as if he didn’t even see you, but you don’t think much of it; you deduce that as an actor, he’s probably trained to remain unfazed even in the most shocking situations.

After Minseok finishes his introduction and the emcee begins focusing on the main cast, the smile dissolves from his face and his stare bores through you. His gaze barely leaves you throughout the entire press conference, only briefly breaking eye contact when he’s asked a question and then returns to you not long after.

The entire ordeal passes through just like that, with you and Minseok sizing up each other after not being able to hear from one another for such a long time. It’s almost like the two of you are having a silent conversation unbeknownst to the other people in the room.

Soon, the press conference ends, and you’ve barely taken down notes no thanks to the intense staring contest you and Minseok were having. It’s a good thing that you’ve pressed record on your phone the moment you sat up front.

“I think the photos I took were just subpar,” Seungwan admits in a defeated voice as everyone wraps up. “I hope your brother doesn’t kill me. I haven’t done this in a while. I’ve gotten a bit rusty.”

But you barely hear her as you drag her by the hand and leave the ballroom, hoping to get as far away from Minseok as you can.

It’s not that you have negative feelings toward him or that the two of you ended on bad terms. It’s just that this whole thing has caught you off-guard, and you’re nowhere near ready to talk to him after not seeing him for years.

As you and Seungwan are about to reach the door, the voice that you’ve been dreading to hear call your name does just that.

“Hey,” Minseok says.

You instinctively stop in your tracks. Minseok has always had that power over you, the power to make you drop everything at just the sound of his voice.

You turn around and you see a couple of bodyguards flanking him, trying to prevent him from reaching you further.

“It’s okay,” Minseok tells them. “I know her. She’s an old friend.”

The bodyguards look at each other once, but eventually let Minseok through.

Seungwan’s eyes grow so wide that you’re sure that they’re going to pop out of her head any second now, but you pay her no mind despite her constant nudging—her silent way of asking for an explanation as to why Kim Minseok called you an old friend.

You heave a deep sigh, internally acknowledging that there’s no way you can run from this, not anymore, not when Minseok is right in front of you.

“Seungwan, can you wait for me outside?” you ask your secretary, and the request processes in her head for quite some time before what you’re asking sinks into her.

She stammers, “Um, y-yeah. Sure.”

When Seungwan is out of earshot, Minseok steps closer, his signature smirk playing on his lips—the smirk that almost won you over all those years ago. Almost.

“Never in a million years did I expect to see you in a press conference with the two of us on opposite sides of the table,” he says. “It’s nice to see you again. You look… good. Wow.”

You hope that your face isn’t as flushed as you feel. “Well, that makes two of us,” you manage to joke despite the wild thrashing of your heart against your rib cage. “Long time no see, Minseok. I kind of find it hard to believe that you ended up an actor. And I don’t mean that the wrong way, it’s just…”

“Surprising?” he finishes for you, cocking his eyebrows.

You allow yourself a chuckle. “Surprising is an understatement.”

“Not to sound big-headed, but… I thought you’d know by now,” he says, and you detect no arrogance in his tone. Minseok was never the stuck-up type.

You scratch the back of your neck. “Oh, I haven’t been in the country often since Tsinghua,” you explain. “I’m kind of all over the place right now, so I’m not really up to date with the entertainment industry.”

“Ah, I see,” Minseok nods in understanding. He pauses for a while after that as he bites his lip, as if he’s debating within himself whether or not he should let out his next words. Eventually, he adds, “Listen… If you want to catch up on, you know, each other’s lives…”

You cut him off by politely shaking your head. “I just got back from New York and a lot of work has piled up on my desk back at the office, so I’m really preoccupied at the moment,” you say truthfully.

But the truth is also an excuse for you to circumvent whatever Minseok’s trying to do with you. You’ve been down this rabbit hole before, and you’re trying your best not to fall back into it after finally clawing your way out.

Minseok nods again, but it’s obvious that he hasn’t accepted defeat just yet. “If you change your mind, I’m here until Thursday. I’m staying in Room 9926,” he says, a knowing smile plastered on his lips.

He hasn’t changed at all, you realize. “I’ll keep that in mind, Min,” you reply, and then you’re out the door.

Read the next chapters here.

[wavesmp3]

i, spy; hansol x fem!reader spy au wc. 1.8k

a/n: another piece that was originally meant for sha’s lost for words challenge, i had so many ideas for where this was gonna go, but this wip has been collecting dust for two years now lol

--

NEW YORK, USA END OF JULY, 2018

And with three shaky knocks on the frame of your door, you’re pulled from the comfort of your sofa and plush pillows to peer out of the peephole. And by the time your eyes register whom the messy, chestnut colored hair belongs to, the air has already left your lungs. You swing the oak door open, and pull the boy inside. 

“What are you doing here?” You whisper as if they could hear you, perhaps they could. 

“It’s okay,” he says holding on to your arms, “I’m okay.” 

“Why the fuck aren’t you in Seoul right now?” 

“How do you know, I’m supposed to be in Seoul?” A smirk fights its way onto the curve of his lips. 

You shift uncomfortably and mutter something about being better at hacking than you were before. And when his eyes do that dumb sparkle thing that would’ve had you weak in the knees two years ago, you shrug his arms off yours. 

“You should leave.” 

“But you don’t even know why I’m here.” He whines, and if it wasn’t for the way you missed the gruff of his voice and the touch of his hands, you would’ve kicked him out long ago. But despite the empty promises you’ve made to your bosses and clients alike, you do. You miss Hansol. More than anything. 

“Fine,” you huff giving in to the temptation dancing under your goosebumps, “why are you here?”

He smiles then, a free smile, that reminds you of the winter you spent roaming around South America ignoring calls and texts from everyone but him. 

“I left them,” he says as if it’s a simple mundane thing, “I left the agency,” he repeats letting the weight of his words sink into the ends of your nerves. 

And you can only utter one thing: 

“You fucking idiot.” 

MANILA, PHILIPPINES SEPTEMBER, 2016

Your phone buzzes with a text. 

Remember why you’re here

You scoff and shove your phone back into your purse, pulling the straps of your heels over your ankles. You quickly fit some last minute equipment to the inside of your thighs, and leave the hotel room. When you reach the elevators, you press the down button although it’s already been pressed presumably by the boy near the wall fumbling with his tie.   

He lets out a frustrated groan, and walks closer to where you’re standing, waiting for an elevator to appear. “Would you happen to know how to tie a tie?” 

And because you think he looks cute with his thick brows furrowed in frustration, you say yes and take up his tie in your hands. He tilts his head down, and watches your fingers tie the tie around his neck. You take note of the way your stomach flutters when his breath hits the ends of your fingers. You finish, smoothing out the ends of his tie, and meet his eyes which are already settled on you.

He opens his mouth. You expect a thank you, but instead he says, “You look beautiful.” And with the way his words leave his lips, it sounds like a compliment that should've been given by your best friend who has been secretly harboring feelings for you instead of some guy you just met. So you chuckle, and mutter a small thank you stepping into the dinging elevator which had just appeared. 

You press the second floor, and he follows in behind you pressing the floor above the one you were headed to. 

“Ah,” he mutters noticing which floor you had pressed, “you headed to that party, huh?”

You decide you like entertaining the naive boy, and respond with, “Sadly, yes.” 

He laughs at that, the sound filling the elevator like smoke. 

“Can I just suggest one thing?” He asks, brushing an imaginary piece of lint off your shoulder. And with the way his eyes gleam back at yours, the naiveness from just moments before suddenly gone, you think he might want to give something more than just a suggestion. 

Silence is the only thing that escapes from your parted lips. He takes it as a yes. You had meant to say no. 

He leans in so that his lips are nearly touching your ear and whispers, “Next time,” his hands flutter over the leg of your dress, then tap the spot where the holster fitted around your thigh holds your gun, “choose a better dress to hide your gun.” 

To say you’re flustered, is more than just an understatement.

You flick his hand away from your leg and pull the holster up your thigh yourself. 

“There,” he mutters, observing the new holster placement as if it's his job “much better.” The smile on his face signals that he likes the way confidence escapes you from your pores. So you stand up a little straighter, and push your shoulders back. You should’ve made some mindless threat to ensure the seemingly harmless boy kept quiet, but instead your curiosity acts against your better judgement, and you hear yourself asking, “how?”

The elevator dings, the sliding doors opening to his floor. He leans in close one last time and whispers, “Takes one to know one.” 

He saunters out of the elevator, and walks as if in a hurry to someplace else, but when the doors close, his eyes find yours, a shining sparkle in a sea of brown and beige. 

When the doors finally shut, you want to melt into the cold metal of the elevator floor.

So much for harmless and naive. 

When your phone buzzes from inside your purse, you’re bitterly reminded of how they’re watching. You read the text.

You know better

And they’re right. You do. 

So when you can’t shake the feeling on his hands against your thigh and his lips next to your ear later that night in the middle of your mission, you’re ashamed more than anything else. 

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO  END OF OCTOBER, 2016

You take a seat at the bar. You shake your head, and Carl, the bartender who you’ve become familiar with in the past two weeks, moves away to attend to other customers. 

“So you travel?” Asks a voice behind you. And when you turn to look at the person, you’re bitterly reminded of the odd turn of events in Manila which ended with lingering thoughts of a boy whose name you didn’t even know. Thoughts of the boy who was now standing in front of you in a bar in the center of Mexico City. 

You scoff, “Spare me the bullshit, please.”

He laughs taking a seat on the barstool next to you. You think the way he brushes his leg against yours might be intentional. “So how did Manila go?” He asks leaning dangerously close to you. 

“Oh wouldn’t you like to know,” you say wishing you had a drink in front of you to wash down the silence. 

“Actually,” he begins, his tone sounding more like the boy who asked you to tie his tie for him, innocent, boyish, mundane even, “I wanted to say sorry. I think I might’ve overstepped myself back in Manila,” you only hum in response, so he tries again, tentatively asking, “did you mind?”

You spare him a side-eyed glance, “Only a little.” You answer more truthfully than you had intended. You don’t miss the small smile painted on his face by the color of your words. “So what brings you to Mexico then?” You ask. 

“Work,” he replies with a smirk looking over your shoulder. “You?”

“Break,” you say bored. “So, I never got your name.” 

He turns his head towards you, “Well, you never asked.” 

So you do. 

“Vernon,” he says. You tell him yours except that it’s not your real name, and you presume the name he gave you isn’t his either. 

“So Vernon, what do you like to drink?” 

He thinks for a moment before saying, “Scotch.” 

“Carl,” you call who nods already starting to fix your drinks. You clink your glass against Vernon’s, “To Manila,” You both down the drink. And then a couple more. 

And with each rush of alcohol against your throat, the goosebumps on your skin seem to grow. You aren’t sure if it’s the alcohol or him brushing his knee against yours. But either way both you and the alcohol in your veins are enjoying it. 

And by the time you start feeling the effect of the scotch, Vernon’s thigh is almost flush against yours. You could’ve sworn there was more space between each barstool. He turns his stool around so that his back is leaning against the bar. You don’t miss the way his eyes narrow at something or rather someone else in the bar. The methodical tapping of his finger against his empty glass seems too calculated for the laid back nature of each gulp of scotch. 

You feel a little foolish. You aren’t sure if that’s because of the alcohol or because of the way your stomach still churns when his thigh ghosts against yours. You take another large gulp of scotch and follow Vernon’s gaze across the bar. You tell yourself you do so because you’re curious instead of something as pathetic as jealous. 

You expect his gaze to be laid upon someone pretty, easy to pick up and take home, and as misogynistic as that sounds, you don’t blame him. With the life the two of you live there isn’t much time for something as idealistic as relationships. So imagine your surprise when you follow his gaze across the bar to two English looking men talking in hushed tones and paranoid glances over their shoulders over an open laptop and a locked briefcase. 

You chuckle, “When you said work, I didn’t think you meant in the bar.” 

He only responds with an absent-minded hum, too focused on observing the two men. 

“This entire thing,” he mutters, “it’s off-radar.” 

Now, this peaks your interest. 

He turns back around to face the bar. “And those two men are the reason why.” 

You think it’s all too easy. You don’t tell him, but you think it’s fake. So you continue to obviously observe the two men. When the men leave, you turn back around to the bar. 

“No, no,” Vernon says, shaking his head, “keep watching them for me.” 

“Oh, well it’s kinda late for that,” you pause, Vernon stares at you working out what you mean, “they already left.” 

“Wait what?” He doubles around at the now empty booth. 

“You kinda suck at this,” you note, taking a sip of your drink. 

“Shit,” he grabs your hand and drags you away with him to the obscure hallway in which the two men left through.

--

[mollyellee]

beneficial {seblaine week sneak peek}

Hi everyone!  I can’t WAIT for Seblaine Week this year. I’ve actually been working on my longest fic yet, and it’s going to fulfill both the College and the Friends With Benefits prompts (and probably Free Day, tbh).  It’s ~27,000 words and basically done except for final edits, and I’m too anxious to wait any longer to share, so I figured I would post a little sneak peek to get everyone excited!

More details to come when the full fic is posted, but it’s a NYADA AU where most of our McKinley friends are in attendance and living in the same apartment building. Blaine was never a Warbler, he attended all 4 years of high school at McKinley and dated Kurt the whole time, but they broke up Senior Year.  He and Sebastian are friends, but very casually.  Blaine and Santana live together and get along famously (I have a thing for this friendship apparently). And The Nest is the Warblers’ apartment, where Nick, Jeff and Sebastian live; the rest you’ll just have to wait to find out!  See you on July 12! 

When Saturday night comes around, everyone starts pouring into The Nest: Rachel and Kurt are begging Nick, the de facto DJ, to play at least one show tune (he refuses), Mercedes is belting out a song on the cheap karaoke machine and Sam and Blaine are playing beer pong.

Well, Sam is playing; Blaine is getting his ass kicked.

He’s downing what feels like his thousandth beer of the night when he feels someone give him a small hip bump. He shows Sam the empty cup and looks up to see Sebastian standing at his side.

“Not to insult you, but you know you absolutely suck at this, right?”

Blaine laughs a little too loudly, “I’m sorry, but which part of that wasn’t supposed to be insulting?”

Sebastian always has a quick response. “That you’re smart enough to know it. Plus, if memory serves, you weren’t always this bad.”

A memory flashes through Blaine’s mind, one he had almost forgotten.

This isn’t something he and Kurt would ever normally do, but he and Kurt aren’t exactly normal these days. Santana had come into Glee Club earlier in the week, saying that the Warblers were throwing a party at one of their member’s houses this weekend and they should all go in the spirit of healthy competition.

And if she could get drunk and make out with one of the girls from the other schools, so she wouldn’t have to have that awkward “what are we” conversation the next day, well, that was a pretty nice bonus too.

“This will be fun, right?” Kurt is speaking just to interrupt the silence as Blaine drives, and Blaine smiles politely.

“Yeah, it’ll be good to get to know some of the Warblers a little better.”

“Well, you’re already friends with a couple of them, aren’t you?” The question isn’t meant to sound accusatory, but Blaine can’t help but wonder if Kurt is trying to figure out if something is going on behind his back.

It’s not. Blaine is too heartbroken about what’s happened with his first love to even think about being with anyone else.

“Not really,” Blaine says quietly, and that effectively ends the conversation. They’ve been fighting a lot lately, and neither of them want to say anything that will push the other too far. When they arrive at Nick’s house, the party is already in full swing and Blaine hears Rachel shout “Kurt!” almost as soon as they walk in the door. Kurt gives him a half smile and goes to join her and Mercedes. Blaine hates that his boyfriend leaving his side relieves some of the tension, but it does, and he instantly spots Sam over by the kitchen counter, mixing drinks and laughing with some of the Warblers.

“Hey, what’s up bro? Want a drink?”

“Please!” Blaine knows Kurt hates it when he drinks too much, but Kurt is already out of sight and he needs something to calm him down. Sam pours him a fruity concoction that barely tastes like alcohol and has the capacity to be very dangerous. He takes a sip and gives Sam a thumbs up signaling his approval when a figure jogs up beside him.

“All right listen up, I’m putting together a team to destroy Trent and Jeff, who’s in?”

Blaine turns to his left and there is Sebastian Smythe, another Warbler he has met in person only briefly, but they did exchange numbers at that meeting. So, if they’ve texted a little since then, it’s harmless, right? He’s felt lonely lately, he’s just looking for a friend.

It’s just a coincidence that Sebastian also happens to be incredibly good looking.

“Anderson, looks like you’ve got a fresh drink. Care to join me?”

“What am I agreeing to?”

“Smart question to ask,” Nick says with a laugh and Sebastian gives him the finger before explaining, “Beer pong. But we play with water, so you can bring your shockingly red drink too.”

“It’s party punch!” Sam yells as Sebastian leads Blaine away from the kitchen island to a table set up outside in the backyard. He doesn’t notice Sebastian’s hand on his lower back until it’s gone, but when it’s no longer there, the feeling lingers.

Sebastian reaches for his drink on the table and Blaine notices the cups have already been arranged. He’s seen enough movies, he knows what beer pong looks like, but he’s never actually played. Hell, he’s never really even been to a party except that one night at Rachel’s, but they don’t talk about that.

“Okay, you’re gonna think I’m totally lame, but I have absolutely no clue how to play,” Blaine admits, but Sebastian just smiles, and god, this punch must be strong because his stomach is doing somersaults.

“It’s okay, Trent knows how to play and he sucks ass at it, so you’ll be fine.”

Trent scoffs from the other side of the table and Blaine laughs, relieved, as Sebastian explains the rules to him.

And then the game begins, and he is shockingly good. Almost every ball he throws goes in and Sebastian cheers every time he makes a shot, which feels warm in his chest for some inexplicable reason. And then he realizes, he’s happy to be appreciated.

“You undersold yourself, Anderson. Sure you’re not hustling us?”

“Well, it would be pretty pointless to hustle my own teammate, wouldn’t it?” Blaine takes the last sip of his drink, batting his eyelashes just a little, and is he...flirting?

Sadly, (or thankfully?), he doesn’t get to find out the answer as he’s brought out of his trance by someone shouting “Blaine!” He turns his head and there is Kurt, walking toward him, clearly irritated. Fuck, had he seen him flirting with Sebastian?

He starts, “Kurt, it was nothing, we were just…” but Kurt is already on his own train of thought.

“Can we go? Rachel has had way too much of whatever that party punch is, and she’s making a big scene with Santana, and I’m just over it.”

“I…” He looks back to Sebastian who is standing at the table with his hands up in a “don’t get me involved” gesture and sighs, turning back to his boyfriend.

Guess the clock has struck midnight.

“Okay, sure.” Kurt looks relieved and is already heading for the door. Blaine smiles politely, “It was a pleasure being your partner, Sebastian.”

“Hey, maybe we can do it again sometime,” the Warbler says with a smirk, and all Blaine wants to do is stay.

But all he can do right now is go.

“So then I guess I should be smart enough to ask you to be my partner...again?” Blaine smiles and throws the ball back.

And for what feels like the first time all night, it goes in.

“Definitely,” Sebastian grins, “Evans! Grab a partner, Anderson’s called in the cavalry.”

“Brittany!” Sam calls and the girl peeks her head out from the kitchen where she and Santana have been adding more vodka to the jungle juice. He motions her over and she nods, rushing over, drink in hand. She points across the table, “Wait, is this our competition?”

Blaine feigns like he’s just been shot in the chest, and Sebastian stands up straighter, motioning between himself and Blaine. “Listen, this team may have been lacking in talent before, but I’m on board now. Let’s rack 'em up.”

“You can’t talk this way about your own teammate!” Blaine playfully slaps Sebastian on the arm and Sebastian leans over to murmur conspiratorially, “All part of the strategy” and his breath feels warm in their close proximity. Blaine thinks he’s clearly had too much to drink, but hey, he only lives down the hall.

Sam and Sebastian set up the cups, and the game begins. Sebastian must be a good luck charm because every ball Blaine sends flying is managing to hit its intended target.  At one point, they’re doing so well that Blaine whispers something in Sebastian’s ear which causes both Brittany and Sam to quirk an eyebrow. The next time Blaine makes a shot, he and Sebastian perform an elaborate handshake and Sam’s mouth falls open in shock. He certainly did not expect his and Blaine’s secret handshake from when they ran for Student Council to be used against him.

“Dude, not cool!”

“All part of the strategy,” Blaine says with a shrug and a smirk, and Sam turns to Brittany and says, “Okay, handshake meeting after this game.”

They all laugh and finish the game, which Blaine and Sebastian win easily, and that’s when Blaine realizes that most everybody has already taken off. Nick and Jeff are on the couch playing video games and Santana is sitting on a barstool next to their game, chatting with Brittany, but everyone else seems to have left while they were wrapped up in their tournament. Even Sam looks around and finds himself dateless.

“Damn, lost the game and lost my girl too,” he says with (mostly) fake resignation and Blaine laughs from the other side of the table. Santana hums and clarifies, “Nah, she just said she’d rather go to sleep than continue to watch you get humiliated.”

“See, aren’t you glad you don’t have someone to talk about you like that?” Sebastian murmurs low to Blaine, but clearly not low enough as he’s soon on the receiving end of a glare from Sam. Sebastian shrugs unapologetically in response.

Santana hops off her stool and holds out her hand to Blaine, “Come on, Anderson, I need my beauty rest.”

“Psst lies,” he responds dramatically, and they both giggle, and okay, he’s definitely had too many. He turns back to Sebastian and smiles, “Thanks for being a great partner.”

Sebastian smirks back and Blaine definitely doesn’t feel his insides melting at his response. “Maybe we can do it again sometime.”

He and Santana leave and walk the short distance to their apartment, arms around each other’s waists. She reaches over and boops his nose. “Well, you are very good at that game, aren’t you?”

“Shut up, you’re drunk,” he responds, but can’t manage to wipe the smile off of his face.

[cherryblossomwatts]

talk soon

He wakes up and squints blearily at his phone, charging on the bedside table.

3:22 AM, it reads. That means he and Garrett have been sleeping for... almost sixteen hours now.

He moves, turning onto his side to look at Garrett, soft in the moonlight. He feels weak just at the sight of him.

Not even forty-eight hours ago, he had stepped into the bathroom at Shane's while the TV blared in the next room - called Garrett in a panic, his chest tight. Garrett had picked up on the first ring and said immediately, "I just bought tickets to Spokane - 7:00am tomorrow."

"Garrett -"

"Come with me, Andrew," he'd prompted. This was the most serious Andrew had ever heard him. "I need to make sure you're safe. My mom says we can have the guest bedroom for as long as we need."

Andrew took a shaky breath and said, "I'm driving back to my place and packing, then coming to yours."

You can read more on AO3, or below the cut!

"Okay. I, uh - love you, Andrew."

"I love you, too, bud. I'll see you soon."

They'd spent the rest of that night wrapped around each other, sleeping side by side on Garrett's beat-up couch until Andrew's alarm went off at four in the morning. They hurried to the airport and got on the quietest flight Andrew'd ever been on, and crashed on the guest bed at Garrett's mom's place four hours later, almost immediately after they arrived.

Now Garrett stirs in his arms; murmurs, "Andrew," and presses closer, snug against his chest.

"Go back to sleep, Garr," he whispers.

He does; they do.

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Shane 🐷🐷 5:37pm: Hey Andrew, hope everything is going ok for u and Garrett. Stay safe, don't know what I'd do without u!!!

Reply 8:16pm: sorry about the delay, was taking a nap. me and garrett are doing good:) Reply 8:18pm: hope you and ry are staying safe too 💞

Shane 🐷🐷 8:21pm: We are :) Shane 🐷🐷 8:21pm: Btw, any chance youve asked Garrett about what u and I talked abt a few weeks ago? Shane 🐷🐷 8:25pm: Feel like now's the perfect time. Nowhere for him to run

[ Read at 8:26pm ]

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Garrett's mom comes each day and wakes them if they aren't up by noon, knocking softly on their door every time. Today, she comes bearing a tray heaped with food, the delicious aroma of waffles and bacon and eggs wafting into the bedroom. She is golden and merry and just as lovely as her son as she sets the meal down on the dresser next to the bed.

Andrew rubs his eyes, pushes himself up on his elbows, and smiles at Linda. Garrett remains asleep next to him. He looks small like this, burrowed into the covers as he is.

Andrew wants to kiss him.

"Good morning," Linda says sweetly, arranging and fussing at the silverware on the plates before her. "Sleep well, honey?"

Andrew loves how affectionate she is; how she rewards him every other sentence with endearments so incredibly reminiscent of Garrett. "Yeah, I did," he replies. "Still waiting to hear back from this one, though." He motions to Garrett, and Linda smiles at her son as if he's the only good left in the world.

Andrew likes to think he is, at times like these.

"Don't let him sleep in too late, sugar," she says. She pats Andrew's cheek, and he recalls a distant memory of Garrett saying she grew up in the south, although any trace of the accent she may have once had has since vanished.

"I won't." He grins up at her. "Thank you so much for breakfast -"

She tsks and cuts him off. "Anything for my boys," she starts, and Andrew loves that, absolutely adores it. He loves Linda as if she were his own mother, and revels in the way she treats him like a son. "Eat up, now, 'Drew. We can't have you two getting sick during this whole fiasco."

Then she's closing the door behind her, and Andrew is turning to Garrett, slipping an arm over his waist under the covers and poking softly at his side to wake him up. Garrett shifts and giggles, trying to escape Andrew's grasp, but he doesn't relent.

"'R'you tickling me, Andrew Siwicki?" he hears Garrett say, muffled because his head is beneath the blanket.

"And what if I am?" Andrew says, continuing to do so until he hears Garrett's rich, pealing laughter, clear as a bell. Garrett writhes and kicks the blanket off, and Andrew sees that as his chance to pin Garrett down on the sheets, pushing his hands up above his head and leaning over him and -

Garrett stills, and Andrew immediately stops, taking in the way Garrett gazes up at him. As if he's waiting for Andrew.

To do what? he thinks, blinking slowly, spellbound.

Then Garrett clears his throat and says, softly, "Breakfast is getting cold," and Andrew bites his lip, draws back, moves to let Garrett sit up. The taller of the two reaches over and settles the tray upon the bed between them.

"What do you wanna do today?" Garrett asks between sweet mouthfuls of syrupy sweetness. Andrew cannot help but think of Garrett's café lights, washing over them in a warm glow on summer evenings. Feeding ants out on the patio while they listen to some antiquated songs on Garrett's July playlist, because Garrett has the best taste in music and that's just a fact.

"Let's stay in bed all day," he says. He takes Garrett's hand and, without thinking, kisses his knuckles as gently as he can. "Harry Potter marathon," he continues, blushing bright red, and revels in the delight playing across Garrett's features.

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G 🌸🐊⭐💕 3:54pm: Hey Andrew!!!!!!!

Reply 4:00pm: why are you texting me while we're in the same room together???

G 🌸🐊⭐💕 4:01pm: I want to feel like I'm busy and important and have people to text during quarantine✨✨

Reply 4:03pm: you are very busy! and important! Reply 4:03pm: but you could just talk to me out loud

G 🌸🐊⭐💕 4:04pm: Not during the movie!!!

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"Go ask your mom if we can go for a drive," Andrew murmurs against Garrett's neck, and relishes the way Garrett shivers beneath him.

They are curled up on the couch in the living room, and Andrew is... well, just a little bit drunk - but Garrett's only had one, and all Andrew wants is to get out of the fucking house - Linda's house, Linda's beautiful, stunningly wonderful home, but a fucking prison nonetheless - and watch Garrett with his hands on the steering wheel, and maybe imagine Garrett gripping his hips like that in bed, and -

"It's two a.m., Andrew, she's asleep," Garrett is giggling, opening his arms as Andrew nuzzles even closer to him. His hand moves up and down Andrew's shoulder, grounding Andrew, keeping him tethered so he doesn't float away, as happy as he is right now, heart swelling in his chest. "I don't think it's the best idea. We're supposed to be staying inside, anyway."

"We can just... take her keys," Andrew says. His eyes are slowly closing all by themselves, as he lets Garrett's warmth overtake him, wash over him. "She won't notice. Or mind. You know how much she, um... she likes me." He hiccups a little, which gives way to a stream of giggles, and Garrett is laughing with him, pulling him in even closer and tucking Andrew up against him.

"Please, Garrett. I just wanna get out of the house."

"Okay, fine," he relents, and Andrew hums happily, sliding the rest of the way into Garrett's lap. "Am I gonna have to carry you out to the car?"

That sets him off again, until finally, he manages, "I can still walk, you silly," and gets up just to show Garrett how good he is at doing so. If he was sober, maybe he'd notice the look of seeming disappointment on Garrett's face as he stood up.

But he's more than a little tipsy, so he doesn't.

Garrett grunts with surprise when they enter the garage and, instead of going to the car, Andrew pulls on Garrett's sleeve and leads him through the open door. "Where are we going, Andrew?" Garrett laughs, and Andrew just shushes him, until finally, they're standing in the dark grass on the front lawn.

"Andrew, what - ?"

"Look up," Andrew breathes, and Garrett does, inhaling sharply at the vast, starry expanse glimmering over them.

Silence stretches between them for what feels like an eternity, as Andrew watches Garrett and Garrett watches the cosmos, undulating above their heads.

"I forgot what it was like," Garrett says after a while, head still turned upwards. "I haven't bothered to look for them in such a long time."

"You do live in L.A.," Andrew says sympathetically.

"Yeah..." Garrett turns to face Andrew, who still isn't looking at the stars. "Do you ever -" he says, then clears his throat. "Do you ever wish you didn't live in the city, Andrew?"

"All the time," Andrew replies - maybe a little too quickly. He can feel the effects of the alcohol beginning to lift as he takes a step closer to Garrett, sobering under the intensity of his gaze.

He wants this. He wants a life with Garrett.

Maybe after all this is over, they can readjust, reassess; find a place of their own where they can sit on their porch and look out at the stars every night. Andrew could take Garrett back home, to Illinois, and they wouldn't have to live in the city or the 'burbs - they can find a nice place out in the middle of nowhere, another tiny house for them to love each other in. They can drive to Chicago whenever Garrett wants to shoot a video, and Andrew can finally say everything he wants to say to Garrett on camera, without having to think about hiding his feelings or stifling his laughter or trying not to kiss him -

"We should think about it," he says suddenly. "Once this is over. Once things go back to normal."

Garrett just looks at him, smiling in the way he reserves only for Andrew.

He thinks that Garrett wants to kiss him. He swallows.

Then Garrett seems to remember where they are, and grins, flashing the car keys at Andrew. "We should probably go," he says, and Andrew is just the tiniest bit disappointed, but still smiles at him anyway.

"Make sure you don't put those in the fridge when we get back," he teases, laughing as Garrett shoves him gently with his shoulder, before wrapping an arm securely about Andrew's waist.

They drive for about an hour, and Garrett does most of the talking, coasting down the highway and telling Andrew about a new video idea he's had and steering with one hand. Andrew lets him, basking in the brilliance of Garrett's voice, drinking his fill of the sight of Garrett's strong biceps, his shoulders, feeling an overwhelming sense of calm until he is slowly drifting off to sleep...

The next thing he knows, he is in Garrett's arms, and it feels like how his father used to carry him inside at the ends of long road trips, and he knows nothing but peace as he lets Garrett cradle him, lets his head fall against Garrett's shoulder and feels so very small, so safe.

...and if the next day, Linda comes into their room to whack her son over the head with an empty paper towel roll and give a chuckled, half-threatening, not-really-much-heart-in-it "Garrett Sageun Watts, if you ever take my car without asking again, I'll do more than just smack you" - well, then he doesn't think Garrett will mind.

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[ VOICEMAIL from "Ryland Adams" at 12:01pm ]

"Hey, Andrew! Hope you're doing okay! Me and Shane are all holed up in our house with the animals, and we miss you a lot! Shane was just telling me yesterday about how weird it is not having you around... Anyway, I hope you're not too bored in Washington. Call me back when you have time! We'd love to hear your voice again. Maybe we can do a FaceTime mukbang or something, that'd be fun. Oh, and Shane mentioned - what? No, I'm leaving a voicemail... Well, don't let him do that! Ugh. Sorry, Andrew, Cheeto's trying to scratch up the couch or something, so I've gotta go, but - Shane mentioned there was something he wanted to talk to you about? Maybe something about his latest edit...? Anyway - talk soon! We miss you so much."

[ ... ]

[ DELETE MESSAGE? ]

[ ... ]

[ Message deleted. ]

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"Are you okay, Andrew?"

He glances at Garrett and smiles, then returns his eyes to the road. "Yeah, sweetheart, why wouldn't I be?"

"Um," Garrett says. Andrew takes pleasure in just how flustered he can make him with one word. "Um, I dunno, I just... uh, you seem kind of, um, distracted lately?"

Shit. So Garrett has picked up on the fact that Andrew can't stop anxiously obsessing over how he's going to breach the subject of Shane to him.

He reaches over, rests his hand on Garrett's thigh. "Distracted by how cute you are?"

He doesn't know what it is about the state of the world that's instilled such boldness, such courage in him - but he doesn't care to wonder, as enthralled as he is with Garrett's nervous laughter, Garrett's rosy cheeks. He turns his palm face up without looking over, smiles to himself when Garrett takes the invitation to lace their fingers together.

"Th-that's not exactly what I was talking about, Andrew, but I think -"

"That's what I was talking about, Garr. It's all I've been thinking about, recently."

Garrett flushes bright red and tries to stammer something out, but eventually settles for a contented silence and the most adorable little smile Andrew's ever seen.

Andrew eventually turns into the grocery store parking lot and pulls the car to a stop, slowly, reluctantly drawing his hand back from Garrett's grasp. "Still got that list?" he asks, and Garrett holds it up to show Andrew Linda's slanted, immaculate handwriting, refusing to meet Andrew's gaze.

"Hey," he says, reaching over to gently turn Garrett's face towards him. "Look at me?"

Garrett hesitates, but finally meets Andrew's eyes, still blushing furiously.

"You ready, Garr?"

He nods, and Andrew grins; presses a kiss to Garrett's cheek so he won't see the worry in his eyes; gets out and locks the car.

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Reply 9:05am: hey. any chance shane and ryland have been acting weird w you lately?

morgchella💎🦄 1:12pm: Oops sorry justwoke up morgchella💎🦄 1:12pm: im Very hungoevr lmaooo

Reply 1:20pm: nice 🤩

morgchella💎🦄 1:22pm: But no??? has smth happened with u guys?

Reply 1:23pm: shane keeps getting on me to talk to garrett

morgchella💎🦄 1:27pm: About what?????

Reply 1:28pm: them

morgchella💎🦄 1:28pm: ??????????????? morgchella💎🦄 1:29pm: Wtf does that mean

Reply 1:30pm: oh Reply 1:30pm: has garrett not told u...?

morgchella💎🦄 1:34pm: Im so lost andrew lmfao

Reply 1:38pm: things have been really weird between them lately. ryland wont even talk to garrett anymore and shane hasn't been inviting him over at all. garrett's definitely noticed Reply 1:39pm: i mean his song hit #3 in hiphop and shane didnt say anything to any of us. that doesn't seem odd to u??

morgchella💎🦄 1:41pm: ***yOUr song morgchella💎🦄 1:41pm: (you both worked on it ad i still havent stopped listenign to it) morgchella💎🦄 1:43pm: So whys shane trying to talk to him all of a sudden?

Reply 1:44pm: i think he wants to either cut garrett off completely or make amends. i can't tell

morgchella💎🦄 1:51pm: Do u want me to talkvto them??

Reply 1:51pm: no its fine. i'll sit garrett down and tell him shane wants to talk. i've been keeping this from him for a while

morgchella💎🦄 1:52pm: The groupchat has been pretty dead recently..... morgchella💎🦄 1:53pm: I'll talk to garr soon. I didnt even realize this was happening. morgchella💎🦄 1:55pm: I justfilmed a video last night and like printed out a bunch of pics of Squad thats gonna be pretty awkward

Reply 2:00pm: hahahahahahhahsfkljglfgkl Reply 2:00pm: u good morg?

morgchella💎🦄 2:02pm: 🤪

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He hadn't meant to disappear down an editing hole, but when he finally emerges from Linda's little home office at a quarter to midnight, he cusses himself out in his head. How could he have spent the entire day away from Garrett - and why hadn't Garrett come to visit him?

"Hey," he says, knocking on the door frame of their bedroom. Garrett is sitting up in bed, scrolling on his phone, and he looks so tired, but god, if he isn't the most beautiful thing Andrew's ever seen in his life -

"Hi, Andrew!" he says cheerfully, moving over so there's space for Andrew to sit next to him.

"I missed you," Andrew says softly, staying fixed to the doorway. "A lot."

"I missed you, too."

"What've you been up to today?" he asks. He keeps looking at Garrett, whose head has dropped down to his phone again, and tries to gather up the courage for what he's about to do.

"Mm, well, I edited for most of the day, and now I'm just" - he lifts up the phone to show Andrew - "looking at Twitter. Apparently, people are wondering why we've been so silent recently, isn't that funny, Andrew?"

"I think we needed a break," he replies, finally moving forward to sit on the bed, one leg hanging off. "It's been a long time since we've just enjoyed each other's company and not thought about anything else."

Garrett sets his phone down; looks at Andrew like he hung the moon and stars; says, "I think so, too."

It can't be helped. Andrew will just write it off as the way Garrett gazed at him like he was everything, as he leans forward, touches Garrett's cheek with the palm of his hand, and kisses him.

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Caleb 👶🎶🎶 1:17pm: Yo Andrew hope u and Garrett are enjoying ur quarantine together ;)) Caleb 👶🎶🎶 1:18pm: U better tell me when yall finally hook up Caleb 👶🎶🎶 1:20pm: Or have u already?

Reply 1:47pm: a lady doesn't kiss and tell, caleb 😘😘😘

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There's flour on Garrett's shirt - and on his nose, and in his hair, and oh, Jesus, Garrett's absolutely covered in it, coated from head to toe. Andrew feels the giggles rise in his chest, exploding from his mouth as he cackles Garrett's name, realizes just how ridiculous the situation before his eyes is - and now Garrett's laughing, too, which just makes Andrew cackle even harder until he's practically crying, and the camera's shaking in his hands, but neither of them care - and he knows they're filming, but he just can't help himself, when he finally gulps down enough air to breathe, from saying, "I'm so in love with you."

He isn't scared. He thinks it's the most perfect sentence he's ever said.

Garrett is still snickering as he sets the bag of flour down, next to the bowl that was supposed to contain cookie dough by now. "Really?" he says, and Andrew almost thinks he doesn't believe him until - "You really chose this moment to tell me that you love me, Andrew? When there's so much flour on me that I look like a ghost?"

That just sends Andrew into another fit of laughter, and he can barely even complain when Garrett takes the camera from his hands, switches it off and puts it on the counter behind him. As soon as he's turned around again, Andrew is kissing him, pulling Garrett forward by the front of his shirt and tasting the light dusting of powder on his lips and grinning like a fool.

"Well, I'll have you know, Andrew Siwicki," Garrett starts when they finally pull away, out of breath -

"Yeah?" Andrew interrupts, stealing another kiss.

"- that I'm in love with you, too."

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morgchella💎🦄 9:22pm: So shane and ry are starting to get on me about getting garrett to talk?? morgchella💎🦄 9:23pm: also i heARD U AND GARRETT ARE FINALLY TOGETHER IS IT TRUE

Reply 9:23pm: fuck Reply 9:24pm: has caleb been telling everyone?????

morgchella💎🦄 9:25pm: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG morgchella💎🦄 9:25pm: OH MY GOD ANDREW AAAAAAAHSDFJLKGSK morgchella💎🦄 9:25pm: CONGATSULATIONS I DUCKING KNEW U GUYS WOULDNT BE ABLE TOVHOLD OUT ANY LONGER

Reply 9:27pm: hahahahahahahahahahaahha omg morgan

morgchella💎🦄 9:27pm: this quarantine was actually a blessing in disguise 😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌 morgchella💎🦄 9:27pm: A global conspiracy just to get the two of u together

Reply 9:27pm: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSDKJD Reply 9:28pm: morgan omg

morgchella💎🦄 9:28pm: No but fr I am so happy for u guys 🥺🥺🥺

Reply 9:29pm: thank u morgan. ily and that means a lot to me Reply 9:30pm: just please don't go spreading it around hahahahaha we wanna keep it on the dl

morgchella💎🦄 9:33pm: Ok I promise i won't but only if I am invited to your wedding

Reply 9:34pm: oh jesus Reply 9:35pm: ok i still gotta buy the ring tho

morgchella💎🦄 9:40pm: SJAKLSDJGFLKJBDFLKNCVCJLKSJDLFKSGOIXCLKJFHGLFKFHOIJADSKL

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It doesn't take long for them to fuck, and for Andrew to wonder why they ever wasted so much time not having sex when it's so mind-blowingly good - when Andrew's legs are slung over Garrett's shoulders, and he's a moaning, spluttering mess underneath Garrett, and they're both still getting used to touching each other like this and still laughing from time to time, and both of them are so warm and giggly and in love.

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G 🌸🐊⭐💕 2:33am: You're asleep but I just wanted to tell you that I love you G 🌸🐊⭐💕 2:34am: And that you look really pretty sleeping in my arms G 🌸🐊⭐💕 2:34am: And that I can't wait to talk to you soon when we're both awake G 🌸🐊⭐💕 2:34am: That's all :.)

Reply 10:47am: hi. you're still asleep. i love you so ridiculously much. Reply 10:49am: i hope your day is as special as you are, garrett watts 💗💗😊😊🌻🌻

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Andrew is still glowing in the late afternoon after their morning sex. It's hard to believe the state of the world right now when he's with Garrett.

He's wearing one of Garrett's flannels - the greenish-blue one, that he stole and wore on Garrett's last birthday, and is always so discreetly happy to wear out in public - and running his hands through his boyfriend's hair, and he feels so at peace.

That is - until he glances down at Garrett's phone and realizes he's tapping through one of Shane's endless Instagram videos, staring unhappily at the screen with the volume muted.

"Garrett, baby," he says, letting the still-new word roll off his tongue, taking pride in the little smile it brings to Garrett's face. "Have you talked to him recently?"

Garrett shakes his head, and panic pools in Andrew's stomach.

"He's been bugging me a lot lately," Andrew says cautiously, tentatively. "I think he wants closure. Things have been sort of up in the air with you two. For a long time. And -"

"I'm not interested in talking to him."

"Well, it's clearly making you upset to -"

"He's made it clear who he prioritizes in his life."

Andrew exhales sharply, turns away. Stops petting Garrett's hair. The taller of the two notices.

"Is he upsetting you, Andrew?" he asks quietly.

"Not really. I mean," he concedes, "a little bit, yeah, but I'm not... I'll be okay."

"Is he making you anxious?"

Andrew stares at his lap and says nothing.

"Fine, I'll talk to him," Garrett says. "For you. Not for him. To make him stop bothering you."

"Garrett, you don't have to."

"For you, Andrew." He takes Andrew's hand and squeezes it tight.

Andrew shivers, pulls his phone out of his pocket.

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Reply 8:18pm: garrett says he'll talk. u should call him sometime today before he forgets Reply 8:19pm: and please promise me you'll leave us alone after u talk to him

Shane 🐷🐷 8:27pm: I promise. Shane 🐷🐷 8:27pm: I'll call him soon.

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All he remembers is Garrett leaving at four a.m. to take a call from Shane, and him desperately trying to stay awake and wait for him to come back to bed, but -

The next thing he knows, he's squinting as the sun peeks through the blinds and Garrett is crawling under the covers, fully clothed, burying his face in Andrew's chest.

"Jesus," Andrew slurs, still caught in the throes of sleep. His arms reach out automatically to encircle Garrett as he mumbles, "What time is it, Garr?"

"Seven thirty."

"Oh, christ -" He is about to berate Garrett for staying up so late, but then he - he -

Garrett is crying.

And Andrew has never seen him cry before.

"Garrett, honey, I'm so sorry -"

"Please," Garrett says, so quietly that Andrew just barely hears - and Garrett doesn't beg, but - "Please, Andrew, let's not talk about it. Please."

"Okay. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Can you just..." Garrett trails off, pushes himself further into Andrew's embrace. "Can you just hold me?"

He does. He swears to himself he'll never let go; never forgive himself for letting this happen to Garrett.

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Shane 🐷🐷 7:31am: Hey, can you do me a favor and ask Garrett about J? Shane 🐷🐷 7:36am: please. It's really important.

Shane 🐷🐷 1:45pm: Earth to andrew??

Reply 3:12pm: hey. i'm sorry. garrett had a really rough night.

Shane 🐷🐷 3:13pm: I did too. can you please ask him?

Reply 3:15pm: ask him what about jeffree? Reply 3:15pm: i hope you understand that you and i are not on the best terms rn, shane. Reply 3:16pm: whatever you said made garrett really really upset

Shane 🐷🐷 3:20pm: I need you to ask him if they fucked.

[ Read 3:20pm ]

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"What the fuck, Shane? You can't just fucking text me that and expect -"

"Andrew, please. I can't even explain to you how important this is - you need to ask him -"

"No, you need to tell me what the fuck is going on." He hates that he's yelling at Shane. He hates that he called Shane in the first place. He hates that they're even speaking to each other at all. "Can you explain to me why the hell you've been so adamant about cutting Garrett out of your life for the past six months? Why you haven't so much as breathed in his direction since Ryland's fucking hotel video - why me and Morgan have been the only ones out of all of us to ever text him, or call, or ask him to hang out, and why you and Ryland won't even let him into your house anymore - your fucking best friend - you won't even let me -"

"Andrew?"

He whips around, sees Garrett standing in the doorway of their bedroom, a strange expression on his face.

"Who are you talking to?"

Andrew struggles to breathe. "It's no one, baby, don't worry," he says, the phone still held up to his ear.

"Ask him," Shane urges from the other line, and Andrew grits his teeth.

"Not until you start fucking explaining what's going on," he barks.

"Andrew," Garrett starts again.

"It's nothing, Garrett, I promise. I promise you, I'm taking care of it."

"You're talking to Shane, aren't you?"

"I - no, I'm -"

"Don't lie to me, Andrew," Garrett pleads. "What does he want?"

"I can't, Garr -"

"Ask," Shane says again.

Andrew hangs up on him, lets his phone fall onto the bed.

"What does he want, Andrew?"

Andrew's heart is going to beat out of his chest. Garrett is looking at him with the saddest expression Andrew's ever seen in his life.

"I..." he stutters. Tears are welling in his eyes. He hadn't expected this to hurt so much.

Garrett still just looks at him. Andrew wishes he would cross the room, come and hold him, but he doesn't.

"Garrett," he chokes out, finally; "Garr, did you sleep with Jeffree?"

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Mama 🧡 2:29pm: Hi Baby Boy.  Dad and I are missing you so so so so SOOO much!!!  Quarantine is lonely without you :(  But we hope you and Garr Bear are having fun!!  Please tell Linda I send her ALL my love, and that I hope she's feeding you two boys well.  Make sure you are WASHING YOUR HANDS and not going ANYWHERE unless absolutely necessary!!!!  I am serious!!!!!!  This corona virus is no joke and my heart would just shatter if you or Garr Bear got sick from it. Mama 🧡 2:34pm: And make sure you don't get sick from boredom too!!!!!  Dad is already losing his mind with online work, LOL!  But I'm sure Garrett can keep you entertained while you are stuck together.  You two are such silly, wonderful boys and I know how much you love to make each other laugh.  You are both so good for each other, in ways that I don't think you even see yet.  I know you could not stand to be separated so you must make sure you both are staying safe and healthy. Mama 🧡 2:36pm: Please give Garr Bear all my endless love, and keep him safe!!!!!  Love you so much my darling boy.  Hope we can visit and see you again once this has all blown over!  Love, Mom Siwicki 😊 😊 😊

Reply 4:58pm: hi mama. you have no idea how much i needed to hear that today. garrett and i are doing really well. i hope you and dad and 🐶 are staying very safe and enjoying your time together, too. Reply 4:59pm: i love you so much and i need to call you soon. important news regarding me and garrett that i think you'll be excited to hear. talk soon 🧡🧡

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You could cut the tension in the air between them with a knife.

Garrett stares.

Andrew trembles.

"Who - ?" Garrett starts after a long, terrible silence, and Andrew wants to scream. "Who do you think I am, Andrew?"

"Garrett, please just tell me."

"No, Andrew -"

"Please," Andrew whispers, "please, Garrett, Shane won't leave us alone until you -"

"I said no, Andrew."

"Garrett -"

"No, I mean - no, I didn't sleep with him."

Andrew blinks.

Then he collapses into tears, sitting down on the bed and burying his face in his hands, weeping like he had as a high schooler, after his first ever (albeit meaningless) relationship had ended. He hears rather than sees Garrett rush forward immediately; feels his big, strong arms around him as he sobs into Garrett's chest, letting his hands fall into his lap.

"I'm sorry," he chokes after a few minutes of devastating silence, punctuated only by the miserable sound of his own crying.

"Why are you sorry, Andrew?"

"Because this is happening to you," he mumbles against Garrett's shirt. "Because I don't - I shouldn't be crying right now, I don't have the right to be crying right now."

Garrett gently tilts Andrew's head up so he's looking at him, wiping Andrew's cheeks with the broad pad of his thumb. "It's okay to cry, Andrew," he says softly, and god, does Andrew love him.

"I shouldn't be so upset by this," he tries to interject. "I shouldn't be so jealous of Jeffree -" He breaks off, tasting the salt of his teardrops as they roll down his face, brush against his lips, and he gasps as his old insecurities come to light - and Garrett - sweet, wonderful Garrett - just holds him, because of course he's known, of course he noticed how Andrew failed to laugh when everyone else had at Jeffree's awful flirting - of course Garrett had seen the look on Andrew's face behind the camera, as he struggled to keep his hands steady and tried to block out the stomach-churning sound of Jeffree's simpering voice.

Of course he knows. Because he's Garrett, and he can read Andrew like a book, that's just a given - and they know each other better than they know their own selves.

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andrew💕.m4a

[ PLAY VOICE MEMO? ]

[ ... ]

"Hey.

"I love you.

"You're out on a walk right now. Um... and, well, I thought I'd just, um, try to get my thoughts. On everything. Out. And just kind of talk for a while, because, uh - because I miss you right now, and because you deserve to know what... why Shane needed to know about Jeffree. And. Shane just called me again. And cried a lot. Which was weird. So. I know you don't like to talk to anyone when you go on your walks, which is cute - so I'm recording this instead. Um... sorry, I'm just - moving around on the bed. Uh. There.

"Um - first of all, I just - I just really love you, Andrew. I've been in love with you for a really long time, and I'm just - god, you just make me so damn happy. I can't imagine spending my time with anyone else. I'm so - this whole... thing with us, our relationship, I guess you'd call it - it's so new and fresh, and I have to admit, I'm really scared, but I'm also just so happy and content, and I didn't... I didn't ever think, in, in a million years, that you would love me back. But I'm so grateful that you do. I really am.

"Um. I love you. And. I would never sleep with Jeffree. I hope you know that. Even if I hadn't been in love with you for almost... what is it, three years now? I would've said no to him anyway. He's not... I don't want that kind of life. I don't want to, to have a sugar daddy or whatever he was offering me. I don't want to just be a quick lay. I want... I want you, Andrew. Always been you. Always just... sorry, I - sorry for getting emotional. Um... ugh, god. You're turning me into a mess, Andrew. Uh. I just really love you. And I love what our relationship's been. And I love that - that there isn't that much change, now that we're dating, from what things were like before, and I can still talk to you, and you're still my best friend, and we can still joke around and laugh at nothing and just keep loving each other. I don't want a fuck buddy. I want a - a committed relationship, and someone I know I can spend the rest of my life with - and I know I'm rambling, and I know that this might... might scare you away, because this is so, so new to you, but - I wouldn't say it if I didn't think you felt the same way. Feel the same way.

"What you and I have is... I've been trying to recreate it for years, Andrew, and I've never, ever been able to. No matter how hard I tried - no matter how much I tried to forget - I can't replace you. You're... you're everything to me, Andrew, and I think you always will be. I hope you feel the same. Even if - even if things, yaknow, don't work out, down the line, and we de- we, um, decide we're better off as friends. I can't. I, uh - I can't imagine... oh, god, sorry, Andrew - I- I can't imagine living a life without you in it.

"God. Um. Where was I? God... So, uh - I said no to Jeffree. Is what I think I'm trying to say. He made it really clear what he wanted two years ago, and I said I wasn't interested - and when he approached me again, when he and Shane were filming the second series - that's when things started getting nasty. I - he didn't say anything to my face, he wasn't rude up-front. He's too... manipulative for that. I guess is the word. Um. Because he knew Shane would realize who he really is, if he was mean to me in front of him. So - from what Shane's told me, he sort of just started dropping subtle hints. And Shane just kind of... well, you know. You know how he is. He kind of just let himself get caught up in it. And I stopped getting invited to things. Which is fine. But... I mean, you know.

"I'm not really sure how to feel. Anymore. I miss Shane a lot, but... I don't know. He told me he wants to talk in person after all of this is over and we're back in L.A. I told him I want to, too, but I'm not sure how that talk's gonna go, really. He says he's sorry, and he's realized how badly he fucked up. And I want to forgive him. I really do. But if he keeps hanging around Jeffree, then I'm not sure I'd even want to be spending time with him anymore. He's kind of... changed. A lot.

"So... that's... off my chest. Um. I know that was a lot. I just thought you deserved to know everything. Because. I love you, and. I know how upset you were that Shane wanted to know what happened between me and Jeffree. I know it can't've been easy for you to... relive those memories. On top of everything else that's been going on lately. And I'm really sorry.

"Anyway. Enough of that negative stuff. I love you so much. I'm really excited to see you when you get back, because I'm gonna make you some hot chocolate. With cinnamon. And then we can go cuddle on the couch. Because I love you. And maybe watch movies with my mom. Because she loves us, too.

"Okay. Uhh. I love you so much. I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

[ ... ]

[ Voice memo saved to "Andrew Siwicki's iPhone". ]

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They recover.

They have a lot of sex, and Garrett stops being afraid of holding Andrew's hand in front of his mom, and Andrew breaks his radio silence to post something nonsensical on Instagram that he immediately forgets about.

They go exploring in the woods out behind Linda's house - "looking for cool bugs," Garrett grins - and it's nice enough for Garrett to wear shorts, because he's big and tall and always, always warm - Andrew doesn't understand how he can possibly be so constantly, gloriously warm - and they fuck around between the pine trees and look down the hill and feel just a little bit smaller.

Andrew makes sure he reminds Garrett at least every five minutes of how much he loves him.

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Reply 10:24pm: hey you!

G 🌸🐊⭐💕 10:29pm: Who, me??

Reply 10:29pm: yeah, you. come out of your editing hole. i made pasta Reply 10:30pm: 🐊🍝

G 🌸🐊⭐💕 10:31pm: OMG G 🌸🐊⭐💕 10:32pm: Have I ever told you how in love with you I am?????????

Reply 10:34pm: hahahahahahahaha Reply 10:34pm: ❤︎❤︎❤︎

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"What're you thinking about?"

Andrew pours the milk over his coffee and watches it swirl, spiral, fade and eddy out.

"I'm wondering what's gonna happen after all this," he says. Garrett hands him the silicone tray he's been holding for some time now, and Andrew takes three ice cubes - no, four - and plops them into his drink. "What's gonna happen to us once everything's back to normal."

"Oh," Garrett says. "I think we'll probably just go back to what we usually do."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm, I'll text you to hang out every other day or so, and we'll go to Coffee Bean and completely lose track of time, and then we'll end up getting lunch and spending the entire day together. Maybe film some videos, too."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I do." Garrett stirs his own glass with a straw - the metal one he always steals from Andrew - whipping the grains of sugar around in a little whirlpool at the bottom. "Or you could just... move in with me. If you wanted to."

Andrew nearly spills iced coffee all over the kitchen floor.

"I..." he stutters, his face a dark red. "Garrett. You'd... you'd let me do that? You want to live together?"

"Well, yeah, don't you? I mean, you practically live in my house already, Andrew; it'd just be a matter of getting all your stuff over."

Andrew sets his drink down; smiles up at Garrett; tries to pretend the glossy sheen to his eyes is just a trick of the light. "I'd really like that, Garr," he says, and then Garrett is wrapping his arms around his waist, letting his chin rest atop Andrew's head, and Andrew isn't quite sure exactly what he's done to ever deserve to feel as at peace, as content, as loved as this.

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[ VOICEMAIL from "Mama 🧡" at 5:03pm ]

"Hi, baby, it's Mom. Thank you so much for calling yesterday. I love you so much and I'm so glad to hear you and Garrett are staying safe. I'm so, so proud of you for finally working up the courage to tell him how you feel; that can't've been easy. I've known for a long time that you've been struggling with how you feel about him. I know you so well, Andrew, and God bless you, but you're so easy to read. Can't believe that boy of yours didn't pick up on it sooner - but I told you so, didn't I? Your father and I have always known about you two, ever since you first told us about him... Anyway, stay safe, my love. Don't go outside unless you absolutely have to. And you put a ring on that boy soon, you hear me? I'm so endlessly proud of you. Love you to bits. Talk soon."

[ ... ]

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