#give me a minute and I'll come back with country if I don't forget

[purgetrooperfox]

I noticed some of your recent tags so what would you recommend for getting into country or rap?

first and foremost I am not an authority bestie

here's a great post with a good playlist to get you started on some late 80s-90s rap and here's just the playlist

^ saw that earlier today and 👍 if you just want some artists and albums I personally like, I'd point you toward

illmatic -- nas (you'll notice that this is a frequent recommendation if you ask a question like this)

changes -- tupac

la bella mafia -- lil kim

straight outta compton -- nwa

ready to die -- the notorious b.i.g.

shifting a little more modern here because the above playlist has what I'd rec from like '85-'00 pretty well covered

mmm...food -- mf doom

tha carter iii - v -- lil wayne

good kid m.a.a.d city -- kendrick lamar

to pimp a butterfly -- kendrick lamar

just go listen to kendrick I'm so serious

zuu -- denzel curry

summertime '06 -- vince staples

doris -- earl sweatshirt

12 odd future songs -- odd future

wolf -- tyler the creator

camp -- childish gambino

limbo -- aminé

my name is my name -- pusha t

4 your eyez only -- j. cole

run the jewels 3 -- run the jewels

all-amerikkkan bada$$ -- joey bada$$

that's all I've got on the fly. just listen to stuff idk rap is so diverse. tried to keep this to one album per artist and it was Not Easy to leave out so many greats

[suiana]

yandere hero x gn reader x yandere villain

"I love you."

"More than this country?"

"...I'm sorry."

You had expected this. Really. I mean, it would only be right for one person to die if it meant the lives of everyone else! Thus it would only make sense for a hero to sacrifice that one person, even if it was his lover. He couldn't be selfish, no. He had to place priority on everyone else. After all, that was the way of the hero.

Besides, there was a saying that a hero would sacrifice you for the rest of the world. You should've known better.

Yet you couldn't help but wish he would forget about his title of a hero just for a second.

You know how much being a hero was to him, you really do! Why else would you patiently wait for him to come home everyday to patch up his wounds? Why would you encourage him whenever he felt like a shitty hero? Why would you do what you did if you didn't understand? You loved him wholeheartedly, even if he didn't reciprocate it much.

However, it felt like you had made a mistake by choosing him as your lover. You should've left him when you had the chance. Caring more about the lives of civilians, he had stood you up on multiple occasions just for the sake of justice. You get it, you do! He's a hero, he's meant to help others. You can't be selfish and get mad at him when he's doing his job and not wasting time on a date with you! You tried to be accomodating. Tried to be understanding.

But he was still your lover.

He should've at least tried to make an effort. Not everything was meant to be about saving others when your relationship was on the verge of breaking. Yet you had never once gotten mad at him for his lack of attention and love, for you loved him with all your heart.

You tried to be delusional, that he would at least treasure you enough to not give you away to anyone else. If he didn't spend much time with you, so what? At least he wouldn't give you away! I mean, he did say that he would never allow anyone else to have you. He would at least honour that promise, right?

Wrong. He gave you up only after a minute of pondering. Oh... Your poor heart. Your poor, poor heart... You couldn't fathom what he had did, not in the slightest. Maybe it was a mistake? A slip of his tongue? You looked at him for comfort only to realise that he had meant what he had said. His guilty and crestfallen look was more than enough to tell you he had truly meant it. That he meant to gave you away.

You were absolutely heartbroken, devastated at the revelation. Clawing at his chest, screaming at him to take back his words, yet to no avail as he avoided your gaze. You felt more than betrayed by him.

You tried to understand his thoughts, his point of view. It was a rational decision. The world known villain had just threatened to blow up the country if he didn't hand his lover over. It was the right decision. But you just wished he had done anything to fight against the villain's demand. He was a hero after all and you were a civilian! He was supposed to protect you!

So why did he give you up so easily?

That, you could not understand. So all you could do was beg for him to reconsider. To hear him tell you that it was just a joke and that he would beat up the villain. Just like what he used to do. But nothing came from him. Only the quiet silence of someone who had already made up their mind.

"Well I guess I'll be taking you now darling~"

The villain suddenly chimed in as he tried to pull you away from the hero. His cold fingers gently tracing your bare shoulders sent shivers up your spine. You shook your head, still clinging onto your beloved hero's shirt as you wept and screamed at him to do something.

But nothing came.

"Please-?! Don't give me away! Don't you love me?!"

"I do... I really do love you."

"Then why are you giving me away so easily?! Is... Is this country more important than me?!"

No response.

You wept harder as you hit his chest, screaming at him to try and protect you against the villain who was amused at the sight before him. He retracted his cold hands from your shoulders, instead putting them in his pants pockets as he hummed softly.

"I'm sorry."

Your breath hitched as your lover softly pried your hands off his shirt. His shaky hands gently holding yours as his lower lip trembled. You could only stare in shock and hurt as he slowly handed you over, looking up at the villain in shame.

You wanted to laugh, you really did. But all you could muster was soft weeping as the villain gently cradled you in his embrace. You wanted to push him away, to curse at him and run back to the arms of your lover. But was it all worth it? The hero had already showed no intention of resisting the villain's demand.

You stared up at the villain with teary eyes, flinching at his touch as he stroked your face tenderly. Yet you couldn't help but lean into his oddly comforting touch that soothed you.

"What a shitty lover he is. Hah! Don't worry baby, I'll never do something like that to you~"

He cooed, looking at you like you were the only thing in the world. This... You had never seen such a look from the hero. Even when he claimed to love you, that you were the only person in his heart.

Your heart skipped a beat, face turning slightly red as the villain them scooped you up into his arms, carrying you bridal style.

This was nice... It made you feel wanted, feel loved. Something that the hero you loved could never give you. Maybe you should just give in already. At least you knew he would never give you up.

For there was a saying that a villain would sacrifice the world for you.

part 2

[im-ovulating]

Darling, I need some Dom!Jasper smut asap pls. 😉

(A/n: Order up!)

(A/n: Special thanks to @pawspurpaw for taking on the challenge of being my Twilight beta reader😘😂)

Word Count: 3,200

Summary- Just another case of the swing dancing to fucking pipeline

Warnings: strangers to lovers/semi one night stand-ish, unprotected sex, cunnilingus, blowjob, cream pie, kinda Major! Jasper

Age Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Jasper Whitlock x Fem! Reader: Swing

------------------

“What’s a lady like you doin’ all by herself, darlin’?” A smooth drawl comes from behind you, his voice sending a shiver down your spine.

You turn to look at your sudden companion.

Wavy blonde hair that stops just short of his jaw, strong eyebrows, thin lips quirked up on one side in a slight smirk. But the thing that catches your attention the most is his eyes - soft gold - almost glowing in the dim light of the bar.

He wears a white tee with dark-wash blue jeans and cowboy boots. Simple, but by god, attractive.

After taking a second to admire the man in front of you, you nod in answer towards your friend, still dancing with the guy who had swept her away almost an hour ago. She’s got a bright smile on her face as she sways against her companion, and it makes you smile as well. You had brought her out to forget about her lousy ex, and you have to say: you’re glad to see it's worked.

“Mission: Rebound was a success,” you verbally answer as well.

The stranger tilts his chin up in understanding.

“I’m sure she won’t mind if I steal you away for a couple of minutes, then?” He holds his hand out to you with a playful grin and a quirked eyebrow.

You can't help but return his smile. Sure, you're here to cheer her up, but who says you can't have some fun, too?

"I'm sure she won't~" you drawl back in an awful attempt at a texan accent. Placing your hand in his, you're shocked by the temperature difference between you.

Probably poor circulation, you think.

Brushing it off, you say, "Hope you don't mind the possibility of you getting stepped on."

He chuckles as he pulls you to the dance floor. "Not at all, Ma'am~"

He places a hand on your hip just as a new, higher energy song begins. "Just relax, I'll guide you- and I've been told I'm an excellent lead~"

And, boy, is he ever-

He twirls you around the floor, the hollow sound of the floor boards with each of your heeled foot falls joins that of the other patrons' steps, adding that much more to the country song blasting through the bar.

Letting your mind shut down and allowing your body to take over, you manage to avoid stomping on his boots and even throw in a couple impromtu hip sways and hair flips into the mix.

He swiftly dips you down, and you make upside down eye contact with your friend. She gives you a playful wink before being spun away herself.

He pulls you back up and into a twirl, holding your back against his chest before spinning you back out and under his arm.

You exchange a back and forth of steps, laughing as you back him up with a hand to the chest.

"Thought you said you couldn't dance, darlin?'" He smirks down at you as he pulls you into a side dip.

"Guess you are a good lead, after all~" you twirl into him before falling back into a fall through dip.

"That-" he says as his spins you out again. "-or you just sold yourself short, sweetheart."

"Maybe..."

The song ends with you held against him, hands pinned against his chest as he smiles down at you.

"The name's Jasper, Jasper Whitlock, darlin'." He releases you but keeps the proximity. "And what do I have the pleasure of callin' you?"

"You can call me yours if you keep saying "darling" like that." You can't help but laugh out.

Jasper shakes his head with a chuckle as you compose yourself.

"Y/n," you say. My name's Y/n L/n."

Jasper takes your hand and brings it up to press a kiss to your knuckles. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Miss Y/n; it was an even greater pleasure to dance with you~"

Your cheeks burn as you stare into his golden eyes, almost enraptured.

Clearing your throat, you open your mouth to respond only for your friend to cut you off.

"Y/n!" You turn to see her latched onto her new guy friend. Her cheeks are flushed as she stifles a laugh at something he says. "I'm gonna go with Colt, I'll see you tomorrow."

It's then that she seems to notice the lack of space between you and Jasper.

"Or... not~" she smirks before starting to drag the guy - Colt - towards the exit. "Have funnnn~~"

You hear a snort and turn back to Jasper. "Sorry about her, she's... her." You chuckle.

"Not at all," he slings an arm over your shoulder, leading you off the dance floor as another song starts. "What do you say to getting out of here darlin'?"

"That's the best idea you've had all night," you tease.

.

You finally break apart as Jasper kicks the door shut behind him. His eyes are dark with lust as he stalks toward you, ever the predator hunting his prey.

Falling perfectly into your role, you start to back up slowly, making your way towards your living room.

In a couple of long strides, Jasper closes the distance between you, grabbing your jaw in his large hand. He forces you to watch as he slowly rakes his eyes down your figure.

You can feel your heart pick up as his free hand comes up to tease along the hem of your shirt.

"Take it off." His voice leaves no room for question as he drops his arms, moving to undo his belt buckle. His slender fingers distract you as they unclip the hunk of metal and start their work on his button and zipper.

He stops when he notices you not moving.

"Take it off, or I'll change my mind about shoving these inside you later." He flexes his hand for emphasis.

His threat has you snapping into action, sliding off your top, and kicking your shoes and pants off. Thank god you decided to wear your best set, you think as you stand in just your undergarments.

"Good girl, darlin'."

He finishes undoing his jeans and shucks them down just enough to free his length. Your eyes widen slightly as you take him in. Even at half mast, he's still insanely long and thick.

It makes your mouthwater.

As if reading your mind, Jasper gestures for you to come closer. You take the couple steps forward, hips swaying a bit as you do. Once directly in front of him, he speaks.

"On your knees. I want to see that pretty mouth of yours around my cock."

Swallowing in anticipation, you sink down until you're eye level with his crotch. Keeping eye contact, you reach up to stroke him, running your palm down his shaft and rubbing his tip into your palm.

A low rumble sounds from his chest as his eyes narrow.

Slowly, you lean forward to kitten lick at his slit before kissing your way down to his base.

"Don't -" You cut him off with a long lick back up to his tip.

"Don't what?" You smirk before pushing him fully into your mouth.

"Fuck..."

His eyes look almost black in this lighting as he stares down at you with lidded eyes.

As you pull back off, you press your tongue into a thick vein you feel on the underside of his girth. His hand shoots up to grip your hair at the feeling, pulling you off completely with the harse tug.

The sting pulls a moan from you as your eyes roll back.

Jasper's brow quirks up. "You like that?" He tugs harder, dragging yet another noise from you. "You like being roughed up, huh?"

He lines his cock back up with your mouth, smearing the spit-soaked tip across your bottom lip, before shoving back in. The sudden pressure in your throat makes you gag a bit, but you couldn't care less if it means he'll keep pulling your hair like that.

"I'll show you rough, darlin'."

His cock slams into the depths of your throat, uncaring as you gag around him.

Tears gather at the corner of your eyes from the treatment. Jaspers hand is still grpping your hair, keeping you from pulling off when he pushes in as much as he can, holding himself there for a second before fucking into your mouth again.

The grunts and strings of curses that leave his lips with each thrust makes your pussy clench. Slick gushes out to soak your panties as he lets out an almost feral growl.

"You fucking love this, dont you? Love being treated like a toy?"

A strangle moan claws its way up your throat at his words, the vibrations shooting up his cock making his head toss back with a loud 'Fuck!'

All of a sudden, he's pulling out of your mouth and practically tearing the rest of his clothes off. "Get on the couch."

You barely have time to get up before he is pulling you up and backing you up to said furniture. You briefly feel the fabric of it brush your calf before he grabs your thighs and pulls your legs from under you. You yelp as your back hits the cushion.

Jasper crawls on top of you, shoving your panties down to your ankles and shoving two fingers into your pulsing cunt before you can even bother voicing any complaint.

"Oh~" you breathe as he sinks his fingers into you. The wet slide of his digits is all you can focus on - oh fuck -

A noise just short of pornographic leaves you.

- especially when he curls his fingers like that.

You turn your head to bury it in the back of the couch as the heel of his hand brushes against your clit. The addicting friction making your hips buck as it rubs against you over and over.

"Look at you." Jasper shifts his hand to dig his thumb into your clit. "Falling apart on my fingers. Makes me wonder how you'll look once I have you on my cock."

Your pussy clenches. Whether it's at the thought or the delicious way his fingers keep brushing your cervix, you're not sure but you are sure that, right now, you'd give anything to properly fuck the man above you.

He already has you teetering dangerously close to climax from just his fingers, you're going to finding out what he can do with those hips if it's the last thing you do.

"I can feel you squeezin' my fingers, doll; are you that desperate for a cock?" Jasper dips down to press a harsh kiss to your lips.

"Been a while since you've been fucked right?" He trails down towards your neck, nose brushing across your jaw and skimming your neck as he breathes you in. He places a barely there peck to your collarbone before sitting back up.

His intense gaze mixes with the way his fingers curl just right and you're gone. One hand buries itself in your hair as you cry out while the other fists into the cushion.

"Jasper~" you moan, wave after wave of aftershock pulsing through you.

Jasper keeps working at you. Your vision dances with black spots as you ride out your orgasm , hips pushing up to meet his fingers with every curl.

Mind empty, all you can think about is getting this man's dick inside you. Discretion be damned at this point.

As the brain fog clears, his fingers start to slow before pulling out completely.

"Please," you gasp. "Please let me ride you~" Fuck being embarrassed.

The smile that he gives you is absolutely wolfish.

"Pretty girl wants to ride the cowboy? Well... Who am I to decline such a darlin' little lady?"

Before you can process his words, Jasper has you pulled up and manhandled into his lap.

He rests his arms across the back of the couch as he smirks down at you. "Ride away, sweetheart."

His legs spread, forcing your own apart and giving him the perfect view of his cock now resting against your stomach.

His stare has your thighs quivering as you lift up. You take his cock in your hands, lining him up before sinking back down. Your head drops forward as his thickness starts to stretch you out. Fucking finally.

"Atta girl, darlin'," he sighs out, head tilting back. With his neck on full display, you can't help but to lean forward and press a couple kisses up towards his ear.

"Let's see if you fuck as well as you dance~" You taunt, teeth nipping at his earlobe before you pull away.

You start to roll your hips against his, lifting up before grinding yourself back down.

"Careful." Jasper warns with a sharp thrust up. It makes your knees buckle, dropping you back onto him. His cock slams into you and forces a curse from your lips.

"Watch that mouth, sugar."

Huffing out a breath, you grip his shoulders before rocking your hips again.

You set a faster pace, practically slaming your body weight down again and again. Each ministration has your pussy clenching around him.

"Make me."

With those two words, you might as well have taped the box and shipped it yourself with how much you just sealed your fate.

Before you can blink, you're off his lap and on all fours. Jasper grips your hair, yanking your head back so he can whisper in your ear.

"Big mistake, darlin'~"

Without warning, Jasper shoves back in and sets a brutal pace. His cock slams into you at an animalistic pace. His arm slips under you to lift your hips, forcing him mind meltingly deeper.

Each slam of his hips against your thighs sends jolt after jolt of electricity running through your body. Every time his pelvis brushes against your clit, you can't help the twitch: your knee jerking to the side, your hips bucking...

It's overwhelming yet not enough.

You can feel your climax ebbing ever closer, but it teases you, staying just out of reach, as you grasp at anything you can get your hands on - you're gonna have to apologize for how hard your nails are digging into Jasper's forearms later. You might have to apologize to your neighbors as well. The thin walls of your apartment no doubt doing very little to obscure the obscene squelching and slapping echoing through your living room.

"You feel so good, doll," Jasper growls above you. His jaw is set as he watches you, eyes scanning each of your minuscule reactions.

Your pussy clenches at the praise, forcing him to slow do a grind as he lets loose a deep groan.

The sudden change of pace has your head falling back with a sigh; his cock presses firmly against your cervix, threatening to push impossibly further. "Fucking hell... Jasper~"

His fingers dips just the slightest deeper into your hips as he pulls your hips tighter against him. "Atta girl... Squeezing me so good~ You gonna milk this cock for all it's worth, sugar'?"

Jasper pulls his hand away from your iron-clad grip in favor of toying with your clit, hips still grinding against you.

The added stimulation makes your body scream out for him. For him to stay buried in your cunt, for him to keep touching you like that - oh~

You feel like an exposed wired, dangerous yet electrifying. You can't remember the last time someone fucked you this good. If ever.

The added friction is just enough to shove you over the edge; cumming so hard your vision goes black and you can barely hear it as you all but scream out Jasper's name.

Definitely gonna have to apologize to your neighbors.

"Fuck, darlin'," Jasper gasps out as your walls clamp down on him, hips stuttering as it forces him to spill his seed in you. The cum that paints your walls is cold, shocking you but not entirely unpleasant.

He ducks down to capture your lips in another kiss as he starts to grind into you again, riding out both of your highs.

You reach up to tangle your fingers in his soft locks as you kiss, soft sighs and moans breaking the kiss ever now and then. Jasper drops your hips in favor of almost tenderly gripping your jaw. He uses his grip to force you to open your mouth. The kiss becomes less of a kiss and more of a clash of teeth and tongue as he pulls you closer.

"Wanna taste you." He mumbles against your lips before pulling away.

Jasper slides down, pressing kisses and the occasional nibble to your skin.

Once between your legs, he licks a heavy strip up your folds as he keeps your gaze. Your breath stutters from the unexpected intensity of the action. "Open up wider for me, doll." He breathes against your skin.

Swallowing, you spread your thighs.

"There's my girl..."

"Oh fuck-" You let out a breathy chuckle. These nicknames and praise are gonna be the end of you.

You feel more than see his smirk. God damn it. This man is going to ruin all other guys for you...

Icy hands grip under your knees, pushing one of them towards your chest. "Hold this for me, doll."

As soon as you hook your forearm under your knee, Jasper is diving in like a man starved.

The way he licks and sucks at your clit sends your mind reeling. Is this what heaven is like? Nah, this man is definitely a work of Himeros himself.

You can't help the way your hand tries to shove his face closer as you grind up desperately.

"Taste so fucking good," your cheeks heat up as a sharp *slurp* seems to punctuate his words. "Guess callin' you 'sugar' wasn't too far off..."

You can do little but watch as he smirks up at you before plunging his tongue inside your slick and cum soaked cunt.

You can feel another orgasm working its way up. Still sensitive from the first one, it's hard to hold it back. especially with how his darkened eyes stare up at you, keeping you from looking away.

The sudden sting of his teeth grazing your clit is the beginning of your end.

"Oh god!" Your head throws back as your nails dig into his scalp. The harsh scratch of your fingers causes him to let out a warning growl, the vibrations shooting through you and yanking you fully back into ecstasy once more. Your legs clamp around his head as you cum. The way he sucks and licks you through it not helping the "you suffocating him" situation. Not that he seems to mind with how tight he's still holding you against him.

"Knew you had one more for me, darlin'," Jaspers gloats as he finally pulls back, wiping the mixture of cum from his chin.

He pauses before saying, "We're definitely going to have to apologize for the noise, though~" He smirks down at you as he pulls you into his cold chest

All you can do is stare up at the ceiling as a breathless laugh rips its way from your chest.

[authormars]

I forget how many of you don't know the extensivity of my universe for obey me. Hell, my gf (love her to death) doesn't know all of it. And I've been telling her stuff for a literal year! So, in honor of this, I'm going to put some silly headcanons here!

Lucifer is amazing with children and has been known to be able to calm any crying child. Diavolo witnessed this when they were in the human realm for important business (I'll talk about it after this) and Lucifer saw a mother attempting to calm her baby down. He simply walked over, asked if he could hold them, and in less than 3 minutes the baby was calm. Diavolo asked how he knew what to do and Lucifer simply responded "When I was in the celestial realm, I was assigned to the Sun room when Michael was too busy to train me. I learned a lot there"

Once a month, Diavolo and Lucifer disappear for the day on "important business." If you ask them what they were doing, they'll simply respond "tempting souls." Though that isn't lying, it isn't the full truth either. Every month, Diavolo sets aside one day to go down to the human realm with around 2k Grimm, exchange it for whatever the currency of that country is, and go out and buy food and walk around giving food and money to homeless people. Lucifer comes along to tempt souls (they go to mainly major cities) of major corporation higher ups so Diavolo can keep his adventures a secret and Lucifer can tempt a soul or two.

Lucifer didn't choose his own nail color. When Satan was younger, the way Asmo would connect with him was by painting his nails. One night, everyone was in the living room and Asmo was painting everyone's nails (to make Satan feel included in the family) When Asmo got to Lucifer and asked him what color he wanted, Satan knocked over a bunch of open nails polish containers on the carpet and stormed off. Lucifer sighed, cleaned up the mess with a spell, and followed him.

Satan was self destructing in his room (like he did a lot back then) and someone sat him down and got him to stop picking at his neck and pulling at his hair. When he looked up, he found Lucifer staring back at him. Lucifer simply motioned to the bed beside Satan and said "May I sit?"

"What happens if I say no?"

"I won't sit down, I suppose"

"..you can sit"

Satan and Lucifer had a long talk. Satan talked through his identity issues (which he'd never done before) and Lucifer told him he wasn't him, he was his brother. Or child? Satan decided brother. Lucifer also admitted some flaws, showing Satan that he wasn't the perfect god he pretended to be. Eventually, they sat in silence.

"Are you ready to go back?"

"..what if I say no?"

"Then I can stay here with you or I can leave and let you be here alone"

"I'm ready to go back"

Satan and Lucifer walked back together. When Asmo asked Luci what color he wanted, Lucifer asked Satan what color he wanted him to wear. Satan chose red. Every time Asmo repaints their nails, Lucifer always chooses red, as a sort-of truce.

Sorry, that last one was a drabble lmao. Thanks for reading if you've come this far! I post Dialuci, so if you like that, I post a lot lmao

[lullabyes22-blog]

Snippet - Grief - Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

A half remembered promise broken...

Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

Snippet:

It was only afterward, when dawn's light slanted through the shutters, that the tears came.

"Fuck." Sevika's breath jittered. "Not again."

Silco said nothing. Just held her, awkwardly, as the sobs began. By now, he understood. She wasn't crying for him. Wasn't even crying for herself. It was an ache so far down, words couldn't give it shape. The best he could do was listen.

He'd learned how, with Nandi.

"I'm sorry," Sevika breathed. "This was a shit idea."

"You think so?"

"Fuck, no."

She fitted herself against the sinewy curvature of his body. Watery sunrays slid across the bedspread, nearly touching their twined legs. His fingertips traced the smooth dip above her hipbone. She had none of her sister's softness. But she had her strength. Silco liked strong bodies: the muscles, the scars. Proof of a lifetime's work, and the toll it takes.

Sevika's was young in those days. But the marks were already indelible. There’d be many more before the end. 

And he'd be the cause of most.

"I miss her," she said. "I miss her, and she'd hate it."

"Hate what?"

"Seeing me like this." She wiped her webbed lashes. "Seeing me with you."

"She's past seeing." He felt a tremor, and circled her close. "What? It’s true."

"It’s not, Sil. The dead, they're always with us." Her head tipped back, eyes on the ceiling. "Sometimes, I hear her footsteps in the kitchen. I'll be in bed, just waking up. Still rubbing the grit from my eyes. And she'll come floating in, with that glide of hers, holding a cup of tea." Her throat worked. "That's what she’d make me every morning: a cup of tea. She'd put it on the bedside table, nudge me awake, and then go off to the Temple. And I'd lay there, listening to her footsteps in the hall. Waiting for the door to shut, so I could sneak a smoke with the window cracked."

"She knew you smoked in here?"

"She was deaf, not blind. But she let me do it. Said it kept the bugs out." She exhaled a too-wet laugh. "Now the whole place is crawling with roaches. There's stacks of dishes in the sink. Dust on everything. Nothing in the pantry. It's a shithole, and I can't stand to sleep here alone. But… I don’t want to move anywhere else, either. I always thought we'd grow old here. We'd die together. In this flat. On this bed."

"Like invalids?"

"Like sisters." She lay a palm against his chest, learning the cadence of his heart. "You’ve never had any, have you?"

"No." Silco was quiet a moment. "Just brothers."

"Vander."

"Before. Long ago."  His fingertips stroked, lightly, up the vertebra of her spine. "I barely remember anymore.  Except for the dirt. The hunger. The cold. I never gave a damn about dying in a bed. All I wanted was not to die at all."

"You haven't changed much."

His palm found the nape of her neck, and rested there. "I’ve no plans to."

"Hope so." She smiled, crescent-shaped, against the damp crook of his neck. "Hope you’ll always stay the same hard-driving bastard from the mines. With a bergamot in his pocket and a big speech for everything." Her eyes met his, darkly sheened. "Don't change, Sil."

"If death's the alternative, I'll do my best." He cupped her chin. "What about you?"

"Same." She bit the hollow of his palm. "Just a good-time girl from Oldtown. No money, but a mean right hook."

"Meanest in the Lanes."

"It's all my old man left me." Her eyes slid to the window. Daylight was cutting through the slats: the night was slipping away. "He was a piece of shit. Not always, mind. When Amma was alive, he was decent.  Couldn't help himself. She was like Nandi, you see. Soft. Shining. Brought out the best in everybody."

"He loved her?"

"More than life. That was his endearment for her. Jaan. It's from the old country. Means life. He'd sit there at the fighting pits, the big brute, with bloody knuckles and a split lip. But the minute she floated into the stands, he'd be all mush. Like a little kid. You should've seen him." Her laugh vibrated against Silco's skin. "She spoke the language of the mystics. Same as Nandi. When she'd go to the Temple, he'd wait outside on the steps. All respectful, like a foot soldier. When she came out, he'd have little gifts for her from the market. Offerings, almost. Jasmine buds to braid into her hair. Cheap stone rings. Little sachets of perfumed incense. Sometimes, a book, so she could read to him. Her folk were lettered. She had a calligrapher's hand, and a scholar's fluency. Evenings, she'd teach us all: me, Rohan, Nandi. My old man, too. He couldn't pen more than his name, but he'd hang on her every word. Like the rest of us did. It's what she deserved." Sevika shut her eyes. "Then she died birthing Raakesh. And everything decent in my old man died too."

Silco thought of Mother, and her slow unspooling into madness after Daddy's drowning.

"Grief does that," he murmured. "It finds the cracks—and splits them wide." His palm smoothed a soothing path: her shoulderblades, her spine, the small of her back. "You were young when your father turned."

"Old enough to remember the difference." She nestled closer, her knees curling. "You couldn't unsee it. Nobody could. It was like an open wound. It bled all over. He bled all over too. With his brawls, and his bottles, and his fists. In the streets, he'd take it out on whoever crossed his path. At home, he'd take it out on us. Me and Nandi. Rohan. Sometimes even Raakesh, and he wasn't more than a tot." Her jaw gritted. "That was the worst. Seeing the fear in his eyes when our old man shambled home. The same eyes Amma had. She passed 'em down to all her children—and he couldn't look at them without losing his mind. Every day, we were a reminder of who was missing. A slap in the face. So he'd dish one out in kind."

"Nandi protected you."

"In more ways than I can count."

"And now, you're trying to do the same."

"Huh?"

Silco's thumb found the notch of her chin, and tipped her head up. Her eyes were a bloodshot well.  "You think I'm on a self-destructive tear. Same as your father."

Her lips parted, quivering. Then: a sigh. "I know what grief does, too. Especially when it's not just grief."

"Meaning?"

"I told you. There's too much rage in you, and no place to put it." She lay her palm over his heart. "Nandi knew. She could tell right off.  She tried to keep the worst of it at bay. She'd soothe you, and talk to you, and hold you. That was her gift, seeing into the hearts of people. Knowing what they needed. But her gift couldn't fix this. Couldn't fix you. She could only stanch the bleeding." Her fingers curled, as if capturing his heartbeat. "Now she's gone. And you've got nothing to hold you back. No one."

Silco said nothing. He only took her hand, and held it.

"I know," Sevika goes on, "what everyone says. How she was better than me, and all the rest. The good one. The pretty one. The patient one. But that didn't get her anywhere, did it? I'm the one still here."

"So you are."

"You are too." She blinked hard. But a tear slipped loose against her will. "You're all that's left. Of her. Of any of it."

His thumb traced the teardrop's path. "You've got it backwards, love."

"No. It's true. You're more like her than I'll ever be. You both had that specialness, that—I don't know. That grace. Like you were from a different world. Like you could change ours, with just a whisper. Vander's got it too. Only his burns bright as the sun. Yours… it's something else. Something down deep." Her lips were dry. They caught against his, like the words. "Don't lose it, Sil."

He gave her nape a firm squeeze. "I won't if you won't."

"I'm serious. When we take the fight Uppside, you've got to keep it wired. Don't go off the rails." She gripped him fiercely. "I'm no good with words, but I've got two fists. They're yours, as long as you don’t lose your head." Her voice cracked. "Don’t lose it. Promise me."

[vanillahorror]

party boy

warnings - party scene, cussing, dirty talk, creampie (on accident tho), and drinking usage. i think that's it lmk if any more!

red - rafes perspective

purple - your perspective

bold - thoughts

based off the song - rock your body by Justin Timberlake

YOU

the lights were so bright, i could barely think. my friend, vanessa dragging me through what felt like millions of people.

every time i come to a party, i forget how much i hate it.

we finally found a empty spot in the middle of the room and she starts dancing, "come on!! it'll be fun once you get going." she says while starting to wave her hands up in their air. the song that was currently playing finally ended and started a good song - ILoveUIHateU by playboi carti

this is one of my favorite songs! now I have to dance!

i start waving my hips and rubbing my hands up and my body and into my hair.

RAFE

"barry, why did you bring me here?" i ask with a tone of annoyance in my voice.

"country club, stop complaining! let me go make this deal, maybe find a hot girl to fuck tonight?" he says while starting to walk off.

i stand there awkwardly with my drink in my hand for about a minute until i spot the most beautiful girl i've ever seen. her hands rubbing her body and into her hair.

oh fuck.

i walk up to her and make eye contact with her, give her a quick smile.

"can i get you a drink?" i ask

"what?" she says

"can i get you a drink?!" i yell so she can hear me over the music.

"oh yeah, sure." she says, i could tell i already made her nervous.

she's even more beautiful when i see her close up. her face shape and complexion were perfect with her hair.

i could see myself marrying this girl, and i just met her.

i let her grab my hand while I led her through the crowd of people. i lead her to the kitchen where I grab a bottle of tito's vodka and pour it into a shot glass. i hand it to her. i tell her my name and she tells me hers. she takes it from me, downs it and gives it back.

"one more?" she asks

i decided to be confident and tell her what I'm trying to do.

"nah, I don't want you getting too drunk. i'm tryna fuck you." I say while whispering the last part into her ear. her eyes go wide.

"rea-really? I've only done that with like 2 boys..." she says quietly, almost embarrassed

"then I'll make it the best you ever had so you have to keep coming back, that alright with you baby?" i say with a smirk. i put my hand out for her to take, she does and I lead her upstairs to a empty bedroom.

YOU

oh my god, this is really happening.

i sit on the bed and watch him lock the door.

"take your clothes off baby." he says in a serious tone.

i slowly take my black tank top and skirt off, leaving my bra and panties on, I want him to take them off.

"oh wow... god you're even more beautiful." he says while walking over to me. he cups my cheek

"i may have to just fuck you now and not get you ready for this dick." he says.

"you- you can. I'm already wet, like really wet, it's kinda embarrassing" I say while looking down at my hands.

"that's not embarrassing. that just means your body likes what i'm doing. you've never gotten wet with other boys?" he says. i shake head side to side.

"aww poor baby. i bet you've never came before either, have you?" he asks, almost condescending. i shake my head again.

"that's ok, guess i'll just have to pop this cherry for you huh? lay on bed." he says.

RAFE

she takes off her undergarments and lays her head down on the fluffy pillows. i quickly take off my pants and boxers. i spit in my hand and give my dick a few slow strokes. i get up on the bed, position her legs just right, and prop my dick at her entrance.

"are you ready sweet girl?" i ask her, trying to pick up on any body language that she doesn't want this. i don't catch any.

"yeah, yeah can you just hold me, i'm kinda nervous. you're really long an-and thick..." she says in a quiet tone.

i nod my head and place my hands on her hips. i start to push into her slowly, she groans.

"does it hurt?" i ask

"only a little, you're just so big!" she says

i wait for a few seconds until I feel her become less tense. I slowly push my full length into her and her mouth goes agape.

"oh fuck!" she moans.

I smirk and start to thrust into her. she lets out a series of pornographic moans.

i could cum just from hearing her moans.

"keep moaning like that and i'll cum right now." i say, still thrusting into her.

"i-i cant stop! oh fuck rafe, please just- just keep doing it, please!" she almost yells. i could tell no boy had ever fucked her like this.

about 3 minutes of groans and dirty talk from me, moans and whines from her, i could feel her squeezing my dick even tighter.

"you bout to cum? just let go, i'll keep going, ipromise."

i saw her exhale a big breath and i could feel her pussy fluttering around me. her eyes rolled into the back of her head. I heard her let out the sexist moan I've ever heard.

i wanna fuck this girl forever.

i could feel my own release start to come. i quickly started to thrust faster and i felt it all let go.

YOU

i felt his thrusts get sloppy and his hot ropes of cum spill into my pussy.

i've never felt this way with any boy.

"oh fuck. god, i just came inside, i'm so sorry!" he says while pulling out, starting to panic

"don't worry, i have the implant." i say while sitting up, starting to rub his back.

"that definitely was the best sex i've ever had, i mean your pussy is god-given gift, you know that right?" he says while laughing a little.

"well thank you! enter your number while i get my clothes back on." i say while handing him my phone. he smiles and enters his number. i put all my clothes back on and try to walk, my legs were so wobbly, i could barely get up.

"did i fuck you that good?" he says while laughing.

"just give me back my phone rafe, i'll call my friend." isay, he hands me back my phone and i call Vanessa. I tell her my situation and she says she will be up in a minute. rafe puts his clothes back on, kisses me on my forehead and leaves the room.

i check my phone for his number, he put his contact name as:

Rafe (party boy).

[sourbinnie]

he was sunshine | jeongin x gn!reader heavy angst | i was midnight rain

"why did you do this?" 

the question haunted me every day and night as time passed by. his face engraved in my mind, i could not forget a single trace of him and what left a big impact on my heart. breaking hearts was never an easy task, one does not desire to simply go and do that to someone you love. he was nice, too nice maybe and maybe i was too determined on what i wanted and it wasn't him (at least not at the time).

he dreamed of getting big, fancier every minute as we walked by. he wished he would marry the one, leave this country behind and not take a look back at the life he was taking a step back from. i didn't dream, i lost the will to dream and think of luxuries for my own life when my heart got broken too many times to count. i didn't want a wedding or kids, i just wanted someone to wake up to every morning and to hold me every night. was that too much to ask? or was i being too naive thinking he would change?

i changed with every drop of rain as i forgot my umbrella. it was hard on days like these not to remember him and to think of the life that i could've had. maybe it was easy to forget everything we went through at first but right now? it's hard to not remember. hard not to think of the hidden kisses and frequent smiles that we shared, the love that everyone thought would last forever. maybe i was too blind at the time with love that i didn't notice things were going too fast for my own liking. maybe that's why when he pulled out a ring, i had to say the dreaded "no" and watch his face fall.

when i remembered him i tried to think of good times and not tears. i tried to think of positive things the ones he reminded me of like the sea, the clouds, the summer breeze but right now it all just crumbled apart with the rain. now every drop that landed on my car window brought me back to that very moment.

"why did we ruin everything we have? it was going so well." he said and i had to shake my head in disbelief. i couldn't be the only one seeing the damage that this was causing, that everything was moving too fast, that we had to stop before it all went to waste.

"it wasn't! we're too young to do this!" i exclaimed as i got in our house, soaking wet and leaving my jacket behind me as i put on the heater. i needed some warmth, anything to distract me from what was going on in my mind and my heart.

"oh you're gonna give me that excuse huh? with all the times we've talked about getting married?" he insisted and i couldn't believe him at all. this wasn't the man i fell for or the one i wanted to be with right now.

"you talked about getting married! i told you so many times that i did not want this jeongin please..." i was pleading and i didn't even know what about. i wanted him to process what he was saying, how he was making me feel like i was irrational or in the wrong about everything. 

"is it always about what you want and need? why can't you understand that i have things that i want in my life too! i always have to understand you and you never do the same for me." it was like everything around me stopped, like we pressed the pause button. i didn't want to fight anymore, i didn't want to beg and i definitely did not want to stay if he was feeling this way. he was right, what did i ever do to make it up to him? to actually follow what he wanted and needed? nothing.

"you're right. we want different things, i'll pack up my things and let you be. you won't hear from me ever again and i'll let you go." i said firmly and holding back the tears as i looked at him and how everything in his facial expression and movement changed. he couldn't believe my words, couldn't process what i was doing (or what i was gonna do) but he understood very clearly, this would be the end. 

"babe no. i was messing, we don't have to get married and i don't wanna let you go." he said, his voice slightly choking on the sobs that wanted to leave his body. "come on, say this isn't true and that you're gonna stay. i can't live without you (y/n)!" 

even his yelling wouldn't change the decision that i was making, even him on his knees pleading and begging for me to stay was not gonna make a difference. i wasn't lying when we said we were too young, too in love and too naive to notice that everything was falling apart and felt wrong in the end. 

"i'm serious jeongin, i can't do this. if we're not on the same page then we shouldn't continue." i said and i headed towards the bedroom to pack my things. he didn't move, didn't chase after me, didn't say a word. he couldn't do it because he knew i was right in the end. he also knew that i wasn't gonna change my mind, i was always stubborn like that and i was gonna get away from him either way.

remembering it now felt like the worst kind of memory. i could see him holding on to the ring in his coat pocket all the time, how his hair was wet from the rain but nothing compared to the tears leaving his eyes. they flowed like the rain in my window as i drove and tried to forget what i went through.

should i've stayed? should i've move on? even now as i tried to move on, meet new people who i knew would eventually break my heart, i couldn't seem to fall in love with any of them. i knew he had moved on, his fiance was stunning yet there were similarities in them with me and how they looked. but this time he was getting married, there's no turning around on that. i think to myself as i get back home and look at my phone background of that same night where he was gonna propose, the two of us together before it all crumbled apart.

[captainsophiestark]

The Ugliest Tie I've Ever Seen

Daniel Sousa x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2023!

Fandom: Marvel

Day 27 Prompt: "I don't know if they will accept this."

Summary: Y/N has finally been transferred to LA, joining their boyfriend Daniel Sousa to help with a case. Unfortunately, he's picked up some new fashion in LA.

Word Count: 1,311

Category: Fluff, Humor

A/N: This is basically a request @everyhazyday sent me for Daniel Sousa Appreciation Week before I dropped out of the event and disappeared for a couple months lol. Hope you enjoy!!

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I stepped out of the car to be greeted by the warm, sunny weather of Southern California, a smile on my face. This beat the New York winter any day of the week.

After months of waiting to move out to LA, the SSR here had finally caught a case big enough to warrant it. I'd left New York behind with hugs for Jack and Peggy to join my boyfriend, Daniel Sousa, on the other side of the country. We'd been making long distance work since he'd been appointed the new Chief, but I couldn't wait to see him again in person.

I walked through the doors of the Auerbach Theatrical Agency to find Rose at a large desk, fake smiling as two identical-looking girls tap danced in the middle of the room. As soon as she saw me, Rose stood and walked around the desk, hands clasped and a borderline grimace replacing her smile.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think your act is quite what we're looking for. Thank you, have a nice day."

The girls both scowled and huffed, but Rose was immovable. The minute they were both out the front door she sighed, shoulders relaxing, and came over to give me a hug.

"Hey, Rose. That looked more fun than the telephone company bit," I teased. She huffed, but when she pulled back from the hug, she had a smile on her face.

"I have actually gotten to see some good acts, once in a while," she said. "And the weather here is certainly nicer than anything in New York."

"No kidding."

"Come on, I'll show you the way up. I'm sure you're dying to see the Chief."

She shot me a look over her shoulder, and I just smiled. She was right, I was dying to see Daniel. It would take just about everything in me not to tackle him in a hug and kiss him on sight, but I'd have to find a way to manage it since we were in the middle of the office.

Rose took me down a back hallway filled with filing cabinets, pushing one back to reveal a secret entrance. I gave her a wave and promised to check in later, then headed upstairs.

The bullpen was surprisingly empty, with just a few agents working at their desks. Directly across from the stairs, I could see Daniel's office with the door open, a crowd of people inside. Even from here, with his back to me, I caught sight of Daniel in the middle of the huddle by his desk.

I walked over, a smile on my face. I couldn't wait to see the look on Daniel's face when he realized I was finally here.

As I got closer, I got within hearing range of the conversation. I could see Daniel's shoulders tensed underneath his gray suit jacket, and it became a little harder to forget that I was here mostly because he'd caught a massive case.

One of the agents standing directly in front of Daniel was speaking when I walked through the door of the office, coming to a stop just behind my boyfriend.

"...been a pain in our side every step of the way. I don't know if they will accept this."

"They're gonna have to," said Daniel. "They have no argument for keeping us out of this case, not since their evidence started literally hovering around the office. It's our jurisdiction."

"Don't you worry, we'll get 'em in line," I said, hands on my hips. "The cavalry's officially here."

Daniel whipped around, eyes wide at the sound of my voice. A smile broke out on his face as soon as he saw me, but my attention snapped to his outfit instead.

I loved Daniel, more than anything or anyone in the world. That would never change, even if he walked around wearing a literal burlap sack. But this was going to take some getting used to.

The gray suit jacket had fooled me into thinking he'd levelled up his wardrobe since leaving New York and the sweater vests behind. But underneath that suit jacket was a dayglow flamingo button up shirt, and the ugliest tie I'd ever seen in my life.

I froze like a deer in headlights, unable to do anything other than stare at that outfit. Daniel looked at me curiously, then turned to the other agents in the room.

"Can we get a minute?" he asked, addressing the other agents. "Everybody take five, we'll get back together in a few minutes."

The agents nodded, mumbling amongst each other as they headed out of the office. I heard one of them shut the door behind us, and then Daniel shuffled a little closer to me, looking concerned.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just need a second. My eyes are burning."

He furrowed his brow, glanced down to follow my gaze to his outfit. He looked back at me with outrage.

"What? Come on! It's not that bad, is it?"

"Together, as one outfit? YES."

Daniel scoffed, throwing his head back and looping an arm around my waist. He pulled me in, leaning in so we were basically nose to nose, a smile spread across his face.

"I missed you," he said. I smiled.

"I missed you too. No way in hell Thompson's ever getting me back to New York."

Daniel laughed, then leaned in and kissed me. We lingered for a few long moments, but since we were still in the office, we didn't let ourselves get too carried away.

"I cannot tell you how happy I am to have you here," Daniel muttered, leaning his forehead to rest against mine. "Seriously, I think I just lost a few deeply entrenched stress lines."

"Even with the fashion critiquing?"

"Yeah, even with that."

He gave me one last peck, then pulled all the way away. He picked up a massive case file and moved to hand it to me, but he hesitated at the last second.

"You really don't think this look is working for me?"

"Oh, babe. You could wear a clown costume and still be handsome to me. But that shirt and especially that tie, together? It's a serious downgrade from the sweater vests."

"From the sweater vests?"

"Yeah. You looked like a cute nerd in the sweater vests. You look like you got dressed in the dark with this."

Daniel snorted. "Okay, great. Thanks for the honesty at least."

"Always. But hey, don't get so down on yourself. The shirt's kind of fun, once you get past the... color of it."

"Really. Great."

"The tie has to go though."

I reached out to take the tie, and Daniel moved back out of my reach. I grinned, moving towards him again, and he managed to move behind his desk, a laugh bubbling out as he went.

"Gimme the tie, Daniel."

"You stay away, this tie's going on the wall. Hall of fame for making the love of my life look at me like I'd grown a second head after not seeing me in person for months."

"That's fine, the wall works. As long as it's not on you."

Daniel laughed, and it was infectious as I finally managed to catch him behind his desk. He gave in, and I wasted no time loosening the tie and pulling it over his head. He raised his eyebrows and fixed me with a look once I had it in my hands, and he smiled at me.

"You satisfied now."

"Yeah, actually, thanks."

I beamed at him and he rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too. I could see the other agents hovering outside the door, so I knew we had to get back to actual work, but I didn't really mind too much. Now that I was with Daniel again, working side by side, we could take on any case together. Ugly ties and all.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury

Marvel Taglist: @valkyriepirate @luv-ghostie @songbirdcannabe @infinetlyforgotten

[severeweatheralert]

Things I learned while writing two novel-length fics in the space of nine months

Or, advice I hope might be of someone use to someone out there, but all brains are different so YMMV. Ironically, this is probably the longest tumblr post I've ever written. Do let me know if you got something out of it!

Planning

You don't need to know every single plot detail at the start. It DOES really help to know roughly where you're going, plotwise and thematically, so it feels less like you're running straight into the great unknown and more like you're headed to some destination. Even if you don't quite know how you're going to get there, yet.

You don't need to know every single character detail, either. Favourite song? Favourite food? I couldn't name my own, let alone my characters'. What is important is a general idea of what makes them tick. What do they want? Why are they here? How do they think? (and if you do introduce details, save them in a notes file someplace, so you can easily find them later).

Outlines are great. Outlines are not the law. If you come up with something that works better than the thing you'd originally planned? Change it.

Scene setting

Remember that you're writing fic, not a movie script. That means you don't have an effects team to pay and you can make the entire environment do whatever you want. Forest fire on the horizon to match your characters' mood? Do it.

Trust that your readers' imagination works. You don't need to describe every single detail to set a scene effectively. Just pick out a few that give off the mood you want, and leave it at that. (Setting dependent, of course- a scifi setting will need more description than a classroom or a hospital room, where most people will have been in their life at least once). This goes for character descriptions too.

Sprinkle scene descriptors through the dialogue/action instead of starting with a whole paragraph of exposition. You'll pull people in quicker.

Research: if you're setting your fic in an existing place, it helps to do (some) research and incorporate that in the work. Simple things like incorporating the name of an existing retail chain or a highway makes your setting feel a lot more real. Google Maps is great if you're writing in a country you've never been to. Just hop on streetview.

Drafting

If you're trying and failing (multiple times) to write a scene, ask yourself if there might be a pacing reason for that. Is the scene necessary at all? Are you trying to start too early in the scene? What are you trying to establish with it, and could that maybe happen elsewhere in the story?

If you get stuck on a phrase/name you haven't picked/word you can't think of/detail you haven't yet researched: put something like [NAME] in brackets. Then keep going. You can come back to it later and you don't need to disrupt your writing flow.

Turn grammar and spell check off. Run a spell check when editing but don't get haunted by the little red line while drafting. A lot of the time its suggestions are bad anyway.

When writing dialogue-heavy scenes, it's sometimes nice to get the actual dialogue out of the way first, then come back later and add actions or descriptions in between to pace the dialogue.

Sometimes you'll have to draft a scene multiple times before it feels right. This is painful, but ultimately okay.

Feel like you should write but don't really want to? I like to set a timer for like 20-30 minutes, give it a go, and if I'm not into it by the time it goes off I'll go do something else.

Editing

Let a section sit for at least a day before going back in to edit. Give your brain some time to forget some of it. You can still draft the next bit in this time!

Sometimes it helps to set the text to a different font or to paste it into a different text editor. Trick your brain into thinking you haven't seen it before, basically. If you're brave, you can even use the editor of whatever website you're posting to.

This is when you run the spell check. But remember: you're allowed to mess with grammar and use words that the spell check says don't exist. "He deadpanned" is a perfectly understandable dialogue tag, for example.

Use a thesaurus! I like powerthesaurus.org because it has a dark mode. The main thing to remember is that you're using it to find synonyms that may fit your meaning/the mood better, not to find more complex words. Especially useful if you find yourself using the same word over and over in a section.

Practical things

Brainstorming on paper works WAY better for my brain than brainstorming digitally, for reasons unknown. Plus you get the fullfillment of using up a notebook.

Have a scraps folder for deleted scenes. Don't actually delete them! You can scrap them for good lines later.

Especially for longform work, keep notes. Things like repeated lines, relevant plot details, things you want to incorporate in future chapters: keep them somewhere where you can find them.

For writer's block: sometimes you need to let a story simmer for a bit. I like going for hikes or chewing on my plot in the shower.

I like having two WIPs with vastly different moods at the same time. One in posting stages, one in drafting stages. That way if I don't want to work on a very moody WIP, I can switch to the other and still get something done.

If you're writing longform work: you'll improve over time. Try to resist the urge to go back and edit the first chapters once they start grating at your perfectionism. Especially if you've already posted them.

Don't write the whole thing in one document if it's longer than ~10k. I like SmartEdit Writer to organize my fics. It's free.

Uploading

I'd recommend having a few chapters' backlog before you start posting. This way you a) know you like the fic enough to keep working on it for more than one chapter; b) have some backlog in case writer's block strikes or life gets in the way of writing; c) can go back and edit in foreshadowing or edit out plotholes as you discover them.

If you have (and want to give) a lot of content warnings, keep a list while you're writing the chapter, so you don't have to figure it out last minute before uploading.

Your works' stats (kudos/hits/subs/comments) say nothing about the quality of your work. This one is hard to internalize.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Almighty (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: My partners in Christ now we're officially in the beginning of the end -Danny Words: 2,403 Series' Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter Listen to: 'Pompeii' -by Bastille

VII: I Can't Dance, I Can't Jive, I'm Not Having the Time of My Life

September

It takes a whole minute to get Ara out of her shocked state after they inform her the labyrinth has come back alive.

"That's impossible," she says weakly. "Pasiphaë's dead, so is Daedalus..."

"We've found two active entrances so far," Rachel says pitifully. "They don't feel like the others, though. I went in with a few campers, and just a few steps in I realize it's sort of... dormant."

"What do we do?" Ara turns to Chiron anxiously. "Do we seal the entrances?"

"That would only force the labyrinth to make new ones. Better to just keep an eye on the one we've found," Chiron places a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Piper and Jason step into the room holding their travel bags. Today they catch a flight to California to start their school year, after a whole month of searching Leo across the country.

"Came to say goodbye," Piper hugs her tightly. "Give us a call if you catch any new about Leo, yeah?"

"You got it," Ara moves over to hug Jason. "You guys look after each other."

"That's a given," Piper glows teal as she laces her fingers with Jason's. 

"Look after camp," Jason tells her, offering a somewhat encouraging smile. "I'll keep working at home, you don't have to worry about me neglecting my duties."

That pulls a genuine laugh from Ara. "When it comes to you, Ken, that's never one of my worries." The boy glows dark blue as he smiles back. Ara's smile freezes, but she quickly turns away, forcing herself to forget what she just noticed.

October

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you? Hecate's pets are—"

"Birdy, if I find out you left the party, I'll melt Almighty. I'm so not kidding right now."

Ara rolls her eyes, pushing the door open. "Good luck with the farting rat, she's a biter."

Percy, Grover, and Annabeth shout at her from the car, trying to embarrass her, but unfortunately for them, she loves them too much to feel shame. Ara waves and blows kisses as she goes, and then Percy starts the car and drives away.

"Happy thought, happy thoughts..." she hums as she walks towards the house.

"Ara!" One of the girls from the cheer squad greets her by the door. "Cool costume!"

"Thanks, I always wanted to be Spider-Man."

"Spider-Gwen? That's the girl one, right?"

Ara sighs. "I already had this conversation with my brother. I don't want to be Gwen, I want to be Peter. I'm not blonde."

"But you're a girl."

"Why does that matter, it's Halloween," Ara huffs, walking past her. "Are you a cat in real life?"

"Good point," the girl laughs. Ara likes her because she never takes anything to heart. "Come in!"

First mortal party ever and she's excited, honest. Except that she keeps looking at things and thinking 'Oh, Nico would love this!' or 'Lily would hate this'—'Jason and Hazel would be so confused about this'— 'Piper would be having so much fun judging these people', and of course: 'I wish Leo were here'.

Trying to belong in a world where she used to be constantly ostracized is at best questionable, but Ara used to be overlooked in camp as well, and things got better there! Camp Half-Blood can't offer what she craves, ancient Greek culture was made for old men in robes, and girls like her were background characters most of the time. The outer world is exactly what she needs, the parties, the cheering uniforms, the mortals... 

"You okay?"

Ara gives a start, thinking she's getting in the way. "Sorry..." 

The person stops her placing a hand on her arm. "That's not what I meant," the boy laughs good-naturedly. "You need air or something?"

"Sorry, no. I'm fine," Ara blinks. "I'm looking for my friends."

"What's your name?" He asks, eyeing her with amusement. 

"Ara."

"I'm Bill," he shakes her hand. "From Goode's?"

The girl nods. "You too?"

"Nah, my cousin goes there, he brought me," he smiles, his soul light orange. "Kinda glad he did."

"Yeah, well, this is my first party ever, I'm not sure I'm glad to be here." Come to think of it, she could be working on the Beacon, Harley's expecting an update next week and she's got nothing.

"Ah, really? Well, we can look for your friends, maybe you'll feel better once you find them," Bill offers politely.

He's acting quite harmless so far. Yes, he's attracted to her, but he's not being annoying... yet. She won't do anything, of course, she's not an asshole and she loves Leo so badly that she's going insane, but Percy asked her to try, so she'll try to have a good time and keep her mind busy with something other than demigod crap.

December

"Are we celebrating your birthday earlier?" Ara stops dead in her tracks when she finds the Pavilion adorned with all kinds of flowers.

Lily looks up. "What the..."

"What's this about?" Nico walks up to them.

"I don't know, I didn't do this," Ara replies just as confused.

"There you are!" Juniper seizes Nico and pulls him forward. "Here!" She hands him a crown of holly.

Nico pales. "Shit."

The girls walk over to the table where he's seated. "What's going on, Nico? Your birthday isn't until next month." Lily frowns.

"I messed up. Kill me. Please, Ara, I know you've been wanting to do it."

"Okay," Ara agrees. "I wanna know why I'll be killing you before time, though."

Nico talks in a hurried, shaky whisper. "I asked the nymphs to set up a picnic for me and Will so I... you know, so I could..."

Ara's mouth falls open in shock. "You're asking him out?"

Lily squeals briefly. "I'm so proud of you, Neeks!"

"You don't get it," Nico presses with dread. "This is the picnic!"

Silence. Then Ara and Lily pale too. "Oh."

"I can call it off," Ara says promptly. "Let me get Juniper..."

"Too late," Lily looks at the sea of campers entering the pavilion. "But we can lie, Nico. Ara can say it's a solstice celebration..."

Nico's face shifts once he spots Will, determination, and anger both blending on his face. "No."

"What?"

"I've had enough," Nico looks at them, his dark irate eyes looking certain. "I'm not a kid anymore, I don't need any of you to clean up my messes. I can do it."

Ara raises a brow. "But uh... are you sure you want this to be how you...?"

"Eros said I would have to face him sooner or later," Nico makes a face. "Let's go with sooner."

Lily squeezes his shoulder. "Whatever happens, we're here for you." He nods. Lily goes to her table and Ara circles the one where Nico is and sits next to him. "Are you sure?" She insists anxiously.

"I've gone through a lot, this is nothing," he says in a dry voice.

"No, Nico," she holds his hand, absorbing some of his stress. "It is a big deal, it's who you are, if this is not how you wish to do it—"

"Today is a special day!" Juniper speaks to the crowd. "Nico di Angelo has a very important announcement."

Ara wishes to protect Nico, she wants to hide him away and call it off as a bad joke, to apologize for the inconvenience, but then Nico drops her hand and stands up, shaky and scowling, but sure of his decision. He clears his throat, but it takes him a few seconds to get something out. 

"I... I know I haven't been around enough, and I know everyone talks about me because of it. You don't like me much, and that's fine. I don't care. I'm done with it. I'm sick of hiding myself for your comfort," he looks around defiantly. "I'm gay. I like Will Solace, and I want to go out with him. There. Now you have something else to talk about."

A few seconds of stunned silence pass by before Will's voice comes from Apollo's table. "Gods, Nico, you didn't have to throw a party!" He says, so flushed he looks sunburned. "I would have said yes if you'd just asked me!"

Nico's soul is just like Will's, two little morning lights looking at each other like they're made of the purest sunshine. Ara doesn't realize she's crying until the teardrops pour out so heavily that they blur her vision. Kayla and Austin whoop and cheer, and soon after almost everyone in camp does too, because they never turn their backs on making a fuss out of anything. 

Ara laughs, then covers her mouth to not sob like an idiot, and it's only when people start chanting 'LAKE! LAKE!'  that she realizes they're talking to her, waiting for her permission. "Alright! Sorry, Ghost King, you know the rules."

He turns to her, eyes are bright and slightly out of focus but—dare she say it—happy. "You and Lily."

The girl nods, understanding what he means. "Who else, if not us?"

Will gets lifted by his siblings while Nico is carried out by his two friends, keeping him at a short distance from Will so they can hold hands. Once at the lake, Ara counts to three, and then both boys are tossed into the water. They all go crazy, Ara hugs Lily, and Lily cries on her shoulder. Life feels so right for just one moment.

She misses Leo all the same.

January

Ara can deal with a defective Oracle. She can deal with their travel and communications devices malfunctioning and the Beacon coming to a still point, she can even accept having the labyrinth back, but she draws the line at missing campers.

"What do you mean Cecil's gone?" She scowls at Malcolm. "He would've never left his cabin unannounced—"

"He didn't leave!" Malcolm insists impatiently. "His stuff is in the cabins, no weapons or food was stolen, something else is going on!"

Ara takes a deep breath, staring down at the ping pong table feeling like she's about to break. "Alright. No one leaves camp, then." Several counselors protest and she silences them at once.

"What about Cecil?" Malcolm demands.

Ara hates being the bad guy, but she has a whole camp to keep safe. "We don't know what we're facing. I'll ask for a meeting with the gods and—"

"Ara, we need a quest—"

"Malcolm, do you think I don't know it?" She looks at him with frustration. "I'm not gonna send search parties out there to fight gods' know what without a prophecy! I have to protect those that remain—"

"Don't talk as if he's dead!"

"Malcolm!" She exclaims, losing her patience. "You're freaking out."

Malcolm pauses, breathing heavily, and then replies in a desperate voice. "He's my friend."

"He's not dead," Nico says at last. "I would've felt it. If he got taken, he's still out there."

She understands how Malcolm's feeling, but it's not enough to make her cave. She's their caretaker, and she can't be rash. Granted, she's not looking after a big amount of campers at the moment, but each life is precious.

"I'll ask the nymphs and satyrs to search the forest, Chiron and I will go too. Mr. D hasn't returned since the war with Gaea, and I think it's time we accept he won't come back," she looks up resentfully. "We're on our own, so please, be patient with me."

The meeting ends and she sits down, rubbing her forehead. Lily and Nico sit on each side of her. "This is bad," Nico says gravely. "But you did the right thing."

"I haven't told anyone yet, but..." she squeezes her hands, pressing her thumbs over the knuckles. "Zeus cut me off. We've been ditched."

Lily sits up rigidly. "What?"

"Zeus closed Olympus again, something's going on," Ara confesses. "They ignore my offerings, and Almighty isn't working in compass mode. Harley's project was coming along and suddenly it stopped functioning with no explanation."

Nico stares at her. "When was the last time you heard from the gods?"

"Last solstice," she makes a face. "Apollo was nowhere to be seen, and they kicked me out as soon as I said I had nothing to report. A day after that... I hadn't even noticed I had a connection to Olympus until it was gone. No more dreams, no regressions, no nothing. They blocked every entrance."

"So what do we do? We have no oracle either—"

"I don't know," she says full of concern. "I'll search, but if it's just Chiron and I..."

"We can help you—"

"You'll stay right here where I can protect you. You have to make sure the rest obeys my orders. Understood?" She asks sternly.

Her friend tries to argue. "But—"

"Lily, I can't lose more people," she begs. "Please."

The girl glares at her. "General, if we're alone in this, the wise thing to do would be to work as a team."

"A team doesn't need to go everywhere together," Ara retorts. 

"Where you go I go," Lily presses, sounding slightly desperate. "You promised."

Ara holds her gaze as she speaks. "Nico?"

"I'll make sure she stays in camp," he states without skipping a beat.

"No!"

"Malcolm needs you," Ara reminds her. "He's restless, and rightfully so, but he's a counselor. I need your brother safe, and I need him steady. Can you do that?"

Lily makes a face. "Yes, I can. But only because he needs me as a sister."

"Thank you," Ara says, satisfied, but not pleased.

When Ara spots the suspicious-looking vagabond trying to sneak into her building, she considers climbing up the fire escape ladders, but then she notices how badly beaten he is and the little girl beside him, the way her eyes jump from one place to another like she's ready to kill or run.

Demigods.

Ara draws out Almighty and calls out to them. "Hey!"

The boy slips on the steps and falls on his butt, he immediately starts whining while the little girl looks at him with annoyance, but Ara doesn't pay attention to him as she walks closer with the sword firmly in hand.

"Don't get up," she says, her breath coming out in puffs of white air. "Who are you?"

"You're the daughter of Olympus," the girl says with a glossy look in her eyes. "You're real..."

Ara glances at the boy, she shouldn't trust these strangers, they could be here to kill her and Percy. Considering how things are going, it wouldn't surprise her... but they look dirty and tired, and the boy's nose is broken—she could fix him in a second, and if they are demigods, she should take care of them. 

"Who are you?" She insists.

The boy stands up holding his ribcage. "My muse! It's so good to see you—"

She lifts the sword to his throat. "I asked for your name and you haven't answered. So unless you want me to cut off your head..."

The boy's eyes fill with unshed tears and he speaks in a miserable voice. "I'm Apollo!"

Next Chapter –>

Taglist.

@siriuslysirius1107 @ask-giggles1303 @im-planning-something-look @bandshirts-andbooks @coolninjapaper @thewaterlily @whenisthefall @1randomcomic @you-bloody-shank @sunflowergraves @owlalex44 @taylordaughter @typicalsolangelolover @writingmia @espressopatronum454 @slytherinnqueen @orbitingpolaris @obxstiles @ellipsisspelled @thepixiechicksh @ebony-reine-vibes

[bradtomlovesya]

𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔 𝑴𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒆

Tom Holland x reader

Summary: You love watching Christmas movies and you know Tom does too.

Warnings: Nothing, is pure Fluff!

w/c: 908

A/N: this is a shorty writing that came to my mind after a full day of watching Christmas movies. I hope you like it and reblogs, comments and likes are highly appreciate it.

Support and author by sharing their work ✨️💚

Happy Holidays! (Gif not mine)

Tom is back home for the holidays and that means: watching Christmas movies all month long.

You couldn't be happier with this idea because you LOVE Christmas movies. That's right, in capital letters. These movies have always been more than predictable, but so what? They're the kind of movies you watch and they help you forget your worries for a while.

They don't worry you, they don't stress you, they don't make you anxious. They're just there to give you comfort and that's more than enough.

"What movie are we watching today?" Tom asks, sitting down on the couch and popping some popcorn in his mouth.

"A Christmas Prince" you reply, sitting down next to him and pulling the blanket over both of your feet. You pick up the remote and look at the Netflix logo from when you open the app.

"Is this another one of those movies where the prince ends up married to the country girl? He raises an eyebrow.

"You can pretend all you want that you don't like those kinds of movies, but we both know that's a lie because you love them," you eat popcorn and play the movie.

Tom is silent for a moment. It's true, he does find these kinds of movies entertaining. "They're usually a cliché."

You lean your head on his chest and watch the film in silence.

When the film finally ends, Tom is totally absorbed in his thoughts.

"You didn't like it?" You raise an eyebrow. The film was certainly a cliché, but you had loved it.

"Are you kidding? I loved it!" He smiles broadly and looks at you with puppy dog eyes. "Can we watch the second one, please? I'm in love with that couple and I want to see the wedding" he pouts prettily.

"You're quite the walking green flag, Tom" you laugh lightly and kiss his cheek. It was around one in the morning and you were tired. "We can watch it tomorrow, second and third, I promise" you kiss his pout.

"But-" he tries to protest, sighs and nods. "It's okay. I understand you're tired" he kisses your forehead and gets up to put the now empty popcorn bowl in the dishwasher. "What do you think the plot of the second movie is?" He asks excitedly and follows you up the stairs.

"I don't know," you laugh at his enthusiasm and curl up next to him on the bed. "You're so sweet."

"Come on, at least something must come to your mind" he grumbles like a small child and arranges the bed for sleep.

"Maybe they're going to have problems with the wedding happening, I don't know" you yawn.

"Whatever it is, I hope it's as good as the first one." He murmurs and kisses the top of your head. "Love?" he asks after a moment.

You don't answer. You are already deeply numb.

Your boyfriend smiles to himself, turns off the light and settles in to sleep next to you and keep you warm on this winter night.

~♡♥︎♡~

"I promise we'll watch the movie as soon as I get home" you talk to Tom using the loudspeaker as you drive.

"And when will that be?" he complains "you were out all day. "

You can almost hear him pout.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes, I'm kind of stuck in traffic" you sigh.

"Alright, drive carefully" he makes kissing sounds "I love you".

"And I love you" you reply and he hangs up the call.

You arrive home 20 minutes after the call ends and leave your coat and shoes in the hall. You walk into the living room and there he is committing the crime.

"Thomas!" You exclaim causing the remote control to jump out of his hands and land on the carpet.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's not what you think" he gets up and walks quickly towards you.

"Oh no? Because it looks like you were watching the second movie without me" you cross your arms.

"Yes it is what it looks like but I promise it's only ten minutes" he takes your hands. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself."

You don't say anything, you just laugh.

"Are you wearing a Christmas jumper?" you smile.

"Maybe?" He laughs with you.

"You're quite the character, Tommy" you laugh and kiss his lips. "I'm glad the movies sparked your Christmas spirit but promise me you'll wait for me next time, I like those movies too." You leave a kiss on the tip of his nose and run your hands through his hair.

"I promise and I'm sorry," he guides you to the sofa, "I made popcorn, hot chocolate and bought those sweets you like so much," he points to a plate on the small coffee table.

"I'm surprised you haven't brought out the Christmas decorations yet," you joke.

"In fact..." he points to several boxes by the cupboard. "I've got everything out, just need to hang them up," you both laugh.

"So you're a Santa's helper now?" you guffaw.

"You could say that. What do you want for Christmas?" He scoffs and plays along.

"I want to be able to watch more Christmas movies with my boyfriend on this couch" you smile and settle in next to him to watch the movie.

"Granted" he kisses your lips with extreme sweetness and plays the movie from the beginning.

One of many you will happily watch throughout the month.

|°|°|°|°|°|°|°|

Tom Holland Tags

@raajali3 @fangirling-galore @rogertherabbitt @powerpuffluuvv @august-cardigan @itszulli @hallecarey1 @luvmarissaaa @xoxokiaraaxoxo @kaitieskidmore1 @lnmp89 @pure-a-tea @vixparker @army24--7 @spiderydreams00 @nani-2305 @mochimm @ietss @prancerrparkerr @hpsgirlrw @hollandweather

[dinoalexander]

Your Moment of Zen: The World Famous Semi-Quotable 2023 Quotedown Quotetacular (NSFL)

The following is created from encounters from many friends and loved ones over the past year. And it is my honor to say... READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. === Y'all know what this is... We've done this 21 times before... Here comes #22.... ... as we proceed... ... to give you what you need... ... 2023 QUOTE WALL, LET'S GO! === “Happy 2023! Everything has been perfectly fine the first 2 minutes. Don't screw it up for the rest of us over the next 364 days, 23 hours, and 58 minutes.” -Klaussie

“We won the game. You get a prize, honey. And here is mine!” -The Fifteenth Doctor

“You did the first good thing of 2023. Now you have 364 days to fuck it up.” -Jay “And you know I will…” -C “Multiple times over.” -Jay

“Looks the same, but all the racehorses are one year older.” -Joe T.

“I think Will’s favorite line is “it feels good to be a gangsta” … every time he helps a perp walk.” -Bing

“On New Year's Eve, everyone says that they support you when you fall. On January 2nd, the only thing that's going to support you when you fall is the floor.” -G.

“ I can smell your throat and want to murder you every moment of the day… Romance.” -Shannon

Gordon: BAD BAD PLANT! Jason: I have to report it to PPS Gordon: PPS? Jason: Plant Protective Services Gordon: He's so bad

“The things I miss when I go to bed at the crack of 10.” -C

“Printer + Edge of Table = Always Trouble.” -Hollywood

“So I've been downgraded from hated to just disliked. That's progress.” -G. “Listen… if you don’t go out and get your Monday… somebody else will.” -Miss Sarah

Gordon: You want to see Scream 5? Carlos: I live in your apartment. I think that movie is not gonna scare me

“All hail the Mighty Pop-Tart!” -Hirsh

Gordon: My plant pooped a $100 Money egg. Chico: Hope you wiped afterward. Gordon: Always

“He showed talent, which disappointed me.” -Jay

“You know these are people you want to work with when we are not just talking about The Joker's Wild, but The BILL CULLEN version of The Joker's Wild.” -G., geeking out. “You’re working with keepers.” -Chico “"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" That's cute and all but have you ever had street tacos while drunk at 2am sold by a nice old Hispanic lady saying "¡Qué lindo! ¡Estás demasiado flaco! ¡Come más!"?” -Kim

“Covid Rica.” -G.

“And now here is your deep thought for a Friday. The first person who ever saw a parrot talk was probably not OK for quite some time afterwards. Think about it.” -Brian

Keep the masks on! -G. I was in the bathroom -Bowler You don't pee through your nose -G.

Get me a ferret or I will cut your balls off - Carlos

I'm pretty sure I didn't intentionally create a User Access Denied page to block me from working -G. ...Or did you? -Boss “FAA had to unplug it and then plug it back in again.” -Heather

“Nothing left to do but throw it out into the universe in the hopes that NMRK course-corrects.” -C

“Listening to country music and sitting on a bed of nails must be similar experiences.” -Sarah

“I’d rather roll in honey butt naked and sprinkle sugar all over myself before jumping on an ant nest the size of a Walmart before ever wanting my baby daddy back. I barely wanted him the first time!” -Jenn

“YouGov paid for my last pair of AirPods, and I’m sure they’ll pay for my next pair as soon as I lose these.” -John Lang, Audit the Audit

“Don't forget the rings. You know what finger they go on, right?” -Carlos “Yes, they are right next to the F*ck You Finger.” -G. “YES! Ha ha ha ha ha ha” -Carlos “Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox” -Carlos

“On a side note, I got the lewdle quicker than the wordle, which should surprise no one.” -G.

“O Canada, je suis la jeune fille.” -Statboy “He spoke French, but he’s not French. He’s American!” -Brian

“If you can eat it and like it, I'll be moving towards getting the sponsorship. If it kills you, then I won't.” -G.

“And now the 49ers are in a dire situation at QB… and wait, something’s happening in the stadium tunnel.. good God that’s Colin Kaepernick’s music!” -Mark Ellis

“No one likes Butt-Ass Naked Lanes.” -Panther

“My plant has the munchies.” -G.

“That hairstyle was a choice.” -Brian

“Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff.” -George W.

“We may have a bigger bunch of haterade next week.” -G. “I'll bring the Church Key.” -C

“Can’t play Lingo without my lucky balls.” -RuPaul, host of Lingo

“Come. Let us play night.” -C

“When you’re in the toilet in Scotland, the smell of cow shit and horse shit overpowers the smell that any human can produce.” -Q

“I'm a stay at home pro bowler.” -Charles K. “You're a stay at home cabbage.” -Justin K.

(Watching Meta taking a Dive) JD Witherspoon somewhere is laughing sipping some tea. -G.

“Herb Abrams! HE FAT!” -C “Next time you're about to complain about cancel culture just remember that a man who is currently under investigation for attempting to overthrow the United States government just got cast as like the Happy Li'l Slice o' Cake on The Masked Singer.” -Dave Holmes

“Can a Game Show stop a Civil War?” -Dave Statman

“Nestor Cortes is on the 15-day DL.” -Greg “Oh, that gives him 15 days to go molest somebody.” -Klaussie

“We’ll get started once we figure out what all these wires do!” -Cory

“What the hell is this nonsense?” -Jordan, on a Dook sweater in the Dean Dome

“Not this game show shit again.” -Carlos.

“Let’s take their Chinese balloon money.” -Jay

“Shut the front door!” -Q “The door is firmly shut. And bolted.” -cruise director Lee

“Kath & Kim… and the Power Rangers Razzle Dazzle Show!” -Klaussie

“A mountain is only unclimbable until it’s climbed.” -Q

“It’s only a Champagne Ranger if it comes from the Champagne region of the Morphin Grid.” -somebody re: Russell Curry’s Cosmic Fury costume

“There is no saving throw for bullshit.” -someone at Jay’s D&D.

“If you are showing any foul play, you will be sent to your dressing room. And if it is really dirty, you’ll be sent to mine.” -The Governess

“No spoilers! I don’t want to know how it ends! Oh wait…” -Paul, re: the HQ Trivia doc

“He couldn’t have been more open if he was wearing a neon sign that said ‘Throw it to me, you idiot!’” -Brian

“Tomorrow's going to be a real banner day for Rich People Who Like Wearing Fancy Hats to Things.” -Kit, on May 6

“Applebee’s food is piss. Even the Hooters we have is slightly better.” -Carl “That’s because Hooters piss is $2.50.” -Kim

“Student: "What's that (you're eating)?" Me: "Prosciutto wrapped around mozzarella cheese." Student: "What's prosciutto?" Me: "A kinda-salty, kinda-fatty ham, just like me." Student is dead.” -Klaussie

“That was uncomfortable. I enjoyed it.” -Jay

“I’m not ashamed. I’m a gentleman. There’s a difference.” -C

“This car is on firrrrrrrrreeeeee!” -G

“What is it with animals and me and shit?” -Q

Jay; “yeah that means…” C: “I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS JASON!” -subject; Bad Bunny’s “Titi Me Preguntó”

“Dad humor numbs the pain.” -Swoop

“Who shot Lee Harvey Oswald?” -Quizmaster “THE CIA!” -… somebody.

“K-LOVE… Imagine what would happen if Great American Family was a radio station.” -C

“TL;DR: Arte Moreno is a cheap, money-grubbing piece of shit.” -JVG

“I’m In Denver for a few while I make my connecting flight to Atlanta. And I’m not gonna lie to you the thin air at this altitude is starting to get to me… for starters, I’m beginning to think this unicorn named Sylvia that I’ve been talking to for the last 30 minutes isn’t real.” -Brian

“Ahh Facebook, still can't tell a joke from your own assholes, can you?” -Justin

“The Giants can have a hot chick as a quarterback and still fail to score.” -G

“My brain is not braining right now…” -everyone.

“You can tell the writers are on strike because you’d never put a hurricane and an earthquake in the same episode.” -Buzzy

“Because Pete Davidson is a man-whore, that’s why.” -Tom

“If I have to ride my autodrafted fantasy team’s ass with a known sexual deviant to the finish, so be it!” -Jay

“New York is the greatest city in the world. Toronto isn’t even the greatest city in Canada.” -The Professor

“Swifties could find Emily Miscavage.” -Emily

“WLTI has been brought to you by Outside your Bubble Burst. Watch JD Witherspoon and others notate on the demise of Facebook and Spotify. Very. Very. Slowly.” -G.

“It's a cross between a Jackson Pollack painting and a Quentin Tarantino movie.” -Evil Travis

“They look like rabbits who have been through some shit.” -Caitlin

“Whoever dances to Beauty and the Beast gets an unfair advantage. All they have to do is recreate the ballroom scene. And they get votes! Dance to the Gaston song. Everyone hates Gaston. Turn that into a dance that gets you votes.” -Q

“Have you ever considered using your gifts for good?” -me after Q pretty much nails how to use “Beauty and the Beast” as an advantage on Disney+ Night of Dancing With the Stars.

“Dangerous fluids everywhere.” -Jay, on Megan’s house

“If you work hard as a kid, you will play hard as an adult. If you play hard as a kid, you’ll end up working hard as an adult.” -Q

“Boy Zaxbys just out here saying to hell with all y’all.” -Big Rick

“My plant is bloated.” -Gordon “It needs an enema.” -J Block

“If I wanted a slide, I would have written in a slide!” -Heather

“You cheerin’ like you gon’ git some of this Whammy money. Girl, bye.” -Q getting WAY TOO INTO a Press Your Luck rerun.

“Now I do NOT recommend you do this but…” -Ken “That’s a green light if ever I saw one!” -C

“Look for the Technicolor yeti.” -Erskine

“(In my best Craig Ferguson voice) Did you guys hear the news, apparently, Tom Brady has decided that he’s going to become a minority owner of the Las Vegas Raiders! I know! And the two are very different of course. One of them is a football institution whose fans are some of the most annoying, sycophantic and overbearing in the world of professional sports, who has been hyped up to hell by people despite success eluding them in recent years, and many people are annoyed by how they skate by on previous success despite many recent failures. And the other are the Las Vegas Raiders.” -Brian

“Nobody wants a WEBP file. I repeat: NOBODY wants a WEBP file. WEBP's own mother doesn't want a WEBP file. If WEBP was an ice cream flavor it would be Moist Gym Socks. If they ever make a movie about WEBP it'll star Dane Cook, Amber Heard and a 3D hologram of Richard Nixon. Go away forever, WEBP format.” -Justin

“Bryce Young is ass.” -Daniel

“Viva Mark Mothersbaugh.” -Tommy

“Sometimes it's a W. Sometimes it looks like a W but it's only 2 crooked L's” -Chris 'Strike Tyson' Schenck

“The mystery is… How does Gritty take a piss?” -Klauss “Sam has done something no one has ever done before! They ate at Cook-Out… sober!” -Cody Dove

“Roosevelt won us the war, but Marshall won us the peace.” -Q

“He still has a whole ass empty hand, quit whining sir.” -Rooks

“BTW - this game is going to be as painful as putting your own junk in a vice grip.” -Jay

“Even though this has been a real pain in the…” -Susan “… TUCHUS.” -C

“Everyone in McKinney is dead. It is hot in McKinney.” -Pete Delkus, on a heat index of “101,105”.

“…stank.” -Brian

“‘Yesterday’s price is NOT today’s price.’ -Fat Joe” -Zenith Ranger & dead ringer for Obama Russell Curry

“Hello trouble!” -Sav “Hello trouble!” -Julia

“Duck Mycinko.” -Ben Potter “Brian Bumblepiss.” -Peter Austin “Hot Fresh Science Fox.” -Ben Potter “Ashton Catthews”. -Peter Austin “And… Billy Ray Walrus.” -Both -TripleJump’s Worst Games Ever

“Life’s too short, so don’t waste time on nothing but the good stuff.” -C

“All this talk about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie but no one ever fights about whether The Hunt for Red October is a Halloween movie.” -Cara

“Stairs. They’re the tweaker’s natural enemy.” -C

“Those edibles ain’t shit!” -Christian

"i like a good, firm banana" - @BenHigginsSD

“I am Allstate and you are in good hands!” -Q, with a snap and a head bobble

“I’m going to the loo.” -Zoombelina “Make sure you use the toilet!” -The Boss

“… you guys have any Anacin?” -C “What is this, Bill Cullen’s The Price Is Right?” -Jay

“WHO IS HEATH LEDGER?!” -TJ

“If you've lived in New York, being an a-hole is a requirement.” -G.

“Spam is just pantry wagyu.” -Alvin “Heck of a Hill to Die on But Whatever” Zhou

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” -Danielle “But I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.” -Jordan “But I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” -Danielle “Will someone go to the bathroom?” -C

“I have a shameful confession to make. I get Alan Tudyk and Paul Bettany confused. I'm not proud.” -Jonathan

“Can someone tell me what channel the Taylor Swift game is on?” -Cindy

“Laughing for “Our Lady of Perpetual Tournaments” and because my parents are going to be REJOICING.” -Jenny & Chelsea re: J!

“But Chico…. Chaos is good!” -Q

“I’ve Got a Secret. Hosted by Kanye West. The game no one wants to play.” -G.

“My family now refers to me as Chaos Auntie.” -Wingo

“Day 1 down and no one wants to kill each other. Yet.” -G.

“To be the only carrot in a room full of hungry rabbits.” -Q

“So I went from leaving last night to 3 meetings and a great adventure trip. I completely expect to hear from tbs today and if you've seen everything everywhere all at once I expect my fingers to turn into hot dogs.” -G “So a typical morning then.” -C “Yup.” -G

“What happened in Florida, Whitman?” -Greg

“Third down and Roger Goodell’s penis.” -Jay

“McKeever, McIver, MacGruber, MacGyver. Whatever.” -C, trying to pronounce the name of the actress who plays Sam on “Ghosts”.

“You: “Bowls are meaningless now!” Bowls: “It is now time to sacrifice the mascot so that the victors may enjoy their spoils.”” -Joe Ovies

“We're going back home because the Uber Driver is the worst.” -Carlos (Gordon changes the station) “Who changed my music?” -Carlos “The Worst Uber Driver in the World.” -G.

“That was his throwing ankle!” -Brian

“If you have sex with Godzilla, you'll need more than a pill to protect you...and your city.” -Nikki

“Gonzaga is Gonzarbage.” -Daniel

“Elon is proof that nobody can ever have everything. No matter how rich, powerful, or smart he is, he'll never actually be the one thing he wants to be: funny.” -Chelsea

“Show the buzzer kindness, and the buzzer will respond in kind.” -Ben Ben

“Politics is just show business for ugly people. -some guy idk” -Jonathan “J Aubrey” Aubrey

“… why they always gotta have their shirts off?” -Pierogi “Sampson County smells like Darth Vader’s farts.” -Q

“Carbs oh how I missed you.” -Jay

“$5000 says Cat Stevens gets the chair.” -“Pete Rose”, 2004

“All the trivia nights we’ve been to, and you remember the one where Quisla brought up Pokémon-inspired sex positions.” -C

“I’m just gonna bleep the bitches because it’s funnier.” -Greg

“My sensors are detecting a vibe.” -Alpha 9 (Richard Horvitz)

“Brain Return on Lane 41.” -G.

“The people who watch The Bachelor for drama watch NASCAR for the wrecks.” -Jay

“An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Puerto Rican, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a Sammarinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a bar… The doorman stops them and says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai." You're welcome.” -Blish

“Meetings, meetings, meetings.” -Carlos “Welcome to America, the land of meetings.” -G.

“This April, you will know his name. You may not be able to spell it, but you will know it.” -C re: Brian

“You're full of Moo Poo.” -G.

“The cheek! The nerve! The audacity! The gall! The gumption! The Aggro-Crag-sized global guts on you!” -C

“I'll take dumb people who should be strapped to a nuclear warhead for $1,200, Mayim.” -G.

(Watching Jeopardy) “I hate this shitty program.” -Carlos (Ed: get out)

So playing Jeopardy: Fish or Foul for $200. The Answer: Where Foul Go to stay for the night. The Question: What is Chicken Inn? -G. That’s 🥚-zactly the spirit! -Dave S.

(Quisla eats a basket of French fries while waiting to pay for them…. Then looks at Chico’s basket of fries… which also haven’t been paid for.) Q: “You gonna eat those?” C: “MINE!”

“BEHOLD… THE DECABOX!” -VRM

“And that Travis is getting too much TS lovin’.” -J, re Travis Kelce

“I’m in Dunkin getting a coffee and this lady is trying to start a Christmas Carol singalong. Girl, if you don’t sit your Disney movie ass down somewhere!” -Bruce

“I just saw an ad on NBA TV for a podcast with Ernie Johnson and Charles Barkley. Paraphrasing... Barkley: I want to get an M tattooed on each butt cheek. Johnson: Why? Barkley: If I'm standing up, it says MOM but if I'm standing on my head, it says WOW.” -NBA on TNT

““Callahan! That 34 Oz. Hickory bat you’re swinging is against regulation! In this clubhouse, we do things by the BOOK!”l -Brian, on Willie Stargell looking like every cinematic police chief.

“I’d like to recommend reading the Up With People Wikipedia page as a lesson the subtle art of criticism.” -Muffy

“Can’t spell Dallas without two straight Ls.” -BFG

“Can we stop saying the word ‘buttcheeks’?” -Eli Manning

“Give this man a Sharpie.” -C to Brandy re: new hire, channeling his inner Black Panther.

“‘You sure you don’t want me back?’ I will write it in blood if you need me to.” -Q, re: Jenn’s baby daddy quote

“So apparently I found out that our new son tried to burn down the apartment, which at least would stop you from complaining about how messy it is.” -G.

“Watching this Mar a Lago speech is worse than drinking unflavored Trilyte colonoscopy prep & when you finish the gallon they bring a beer bong w/6 more gallons for you to consume while listening to your uncle w/dementia & halitosis muse about the raging dysentery he had in Korea.” -Mattie Timmer

“$50,000 for a helicopter ride? For $50,000 it better transform into a Gundam.” -C

“Isaiah Pacheco does his shimmy. It drives the women in Kansas City crazy!” -Brian

“What were you doing on your birthday?” -C “Working.” -Q “What was I doing on my birthday?” -C “Working.” -Q “So what are we doing here on vacation?” -C “Talking about working.” -Teddy

“Enjoy Drake Maye stinking it up in Arizona.” -Greg

“Fortune favors the bold. And the chickens who maintain the inn.” -G.

“Muffy Marracco: Helps You Get Drunker By The Hour.” -Muffy

(Planning Bowling matches) “We're matchmakers now as well lol.” -Rudy F. “Which one of us is Tevye?” -G.

(Wearing a brown wig) “It's not TV, It's Wiggyvision.” -Douglas H.

“What oil pattern is this?” -Joe P. “This is the famous Oil of Olay pattern.” -G.

“Let’s rush’em! They can’t stop all of us!” -Q

(After getting Jasser a sandwich instead of what he wanted) I ask for Chetos. You get me a sandwich - Jasser Chetos in Spanish means Cheetos. It does not mean Sandwich -G. Si -Jasser (scowling) “The Word of the Day is Banhammer.” -Nick G.

So you want a little of everything -G. Yes. I want a smorgasbourg. I want a Smorg. -Lauren R.

“I have no idea what is going on, and I am here for it anyways!” -Carl K.

“Man, I REALLY hate those Pfizer ads…” -Ian

“I got nothing, but hey, I’ve got a lot of it!” -Jill

“Hi Ted, Ron here. Listen, I know how tempting it is to appeal to the real lowest form of humanity here in the United States, the bottom feeders, people who pride themselves on hatred and un-education and inability to read and inability to understand the difference between true patriotism and the bulls*** you’re selling. I know how tempting it is to play to those people, because at least you have a base, but Jesus Christ Ted, for somebody with a really, really small d***, you get to be a bigger p***k every f****** day. Go f*** yourself.” -Ron Perlman to Ted Cruz.

“Is Austin Reaves the best undrafted player of all time?” -somebody on Twitter. “Ben Wallace won Defensive Player of the Year four times and is the reason Kobe & Shaq didn’t win four. This app needs an age limit.” -Somebody else on Twitter

“Do I want to sleep to Special Forces or do I want to sleep to Baltimore/Cincinnati?” -G

“Wanna try street hockey?” -Jordan “I gotta pee first.” -C

“Somebody hit somebody!” -Brian

“I am about ready to trade Drew Lock for a reconstituted and reanimated Sean Lock. It could scarcely be any worse.” -Evil Travis

“Debate: Does Yoda sound more like Grover or Miss Piggy?” -Dane

“NFL uses CONFUSION! It’s super effective!” -Tom

“This is how riots begin.” -Robin

“Hey! Tom Brady… We don’t believe you.” -Jay

“That man is gonna move to the Triangle and bring every convo you have with him back to the fact he’s from New York and that you can’t find any good takeout around here.” -Joe Ovies, re: Tommy DeVito

“Programming note… the CFP show will air upon the conclusion of the basketball game featuring Fuck U and Tossoff State.” -C

The most frustrating part of hoping to get a phone call from a number you don't know: You have to answer EVERY call and suffer through every robocall and solicitation. -Sonic Whammy I'm sending you every single Car Insurance Warrantee call that comes my way, just to let you know 😃 -G. Gordon Pepper I'm touched -Sonic Whammy

“Latte - $5.00. Bottle of Water: $40.” -Richard Barone

“Quisla, stop turning off the television!” -C

“No… also no.” -Victoria “The Queen” Groce

Give these steps a go for me please -Worker Doing that now...I'm getting a picture of an apple and no loading bar -G. If you’re still holding the keys you can let go and see if the loading bar appears after -Worker Nope. Still the apple menacing me lol. Thoughts? -G. You mind sending me your Mac serial number? You should see it in very very tiny print on the back -Worker If you tell me that It's a demon MAC possessed by goblins and I need to leave the house immediately. I could believe that -G. At this point I think that’s the only logical conclusion -Worker

“Predetermined Bullshit. The latest fragrance from Calvin Klein.” -C

“The first steel coaster was opened in 18-rickety-dickety-doo.” -Chris aka Airtime Thrills

“I don't follow enough sports to properly complete this joke but "[INSERT FOOTBALL TEAM HERE] is looking as useless as a back button on Facebook today".” -Terry

“This song has an instruction to "Think Dolly" and feels the need to explain who Dolly Parton was. HOW DARE YOU. I blame the young people.” -Heather

I need Chicken -Jasser

“Lydia’s animated. Quisla’s animated. Get’em together, it’s the Cartoon Network.” -C

Ezra Miller, who was a contestant on Jack Black's 'Jablinski Games', is playing a new game called 'Why am I in your Bedroom?' -G.

“Great effin’ job, Al, on that call with all the enthusiasm as watching a janitor mop the floor at McDonald’s at 3 in the morning.” -Greg

“So I just had a rep from SiriusXM call me to sell me radio. I bought a new car recently. Of course it comes with a 3-month trial, and I love it. I try to explain to her that I work in REAL radio, terrestrial radio, local radio, actual RADIO radio. She’s trying to tell me how streaming is so much better… THAN WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! ….bitchgetoffmyphone!”- Miss Sarah

“Fancy hotel shower.” -Q

“I’m a benevolent quiz overlord… not like those bastards at Jeopardy!” -Buzzy

“i look forward to everyone in my hometown reacting to this in a completely civil manner, with no anger whatsoever!” -Jordan

“Barnacles.” -Paul

“I don't like strikes. They are bad for you.” -G. “Just make your spares, Gordon.” -DouglasVision

“Gordon bowls? I've never seen Gordon bowl.” -Brandon B.

“I take one whiff downwind of the cafeteria and I thank every god in the multiverse that I have brought my lunch today.” -C

“We’re putting a helmet on RJ.” -Jordan

“I can't make strikes!” -G. “We know you can't make strikes. There's something wrong with Gordon.” -Douglasvision

“You broke him, Kimberly.” -C “Sucks to suck.” -Kim

“In addition to a quote wall, I think a wall of AI images is needed. The world needs 7-finger McLean Stevenson.” -Klaussie

(Carlos walks in) Gordon: I'm teaching Jasser English. Carlos: eh? Gordon: Agua Jasser: Water Gordon: Leche Jasser: Milk Carlos: My turn. Gordon: Ok Carlos: Fuck me in the Bathroom Gordon: (Faceplant) Carlos: Fuck me in the kitchen Gordon: Jasser, no digate nada Carlos: Pierro is a Cum Whore Jasser: Pierro is a Cum whore Gordon: (Faceplant) Jasser: Que? Carlos: Pierro gusta luche para mi chorizo a se boca Jasser: Ah Pierro: Jasser, repita por favor: Carlos is a nasty bitch Jasser: Carlos is a nasty bitch Gordon: Dios mio.

“Plot twist: the cat is the actual "Person of the Year". So all the haters can quit their seething now, kthnxbye...” -Dane

“The real Daily Doubles are the friends we made along the way.” -Emily

“Friday is Leg Day, as in put those legs to work by getting 3 dozen donuts.” -Klaussie

“I'm mad Gordon cashed in the tournament. (Bleep)” -Douglasvision

“I regret emotional investment.” -everyone experiencing disappointment and having seen Strange Planet.

“You needed to be here to ride coasters with Danielle because that's a hell no from me.” -Jordan

“Bobby Hill is a Disney Princess confirmed.” -Chelsea

“(The Shark Tank Sharks’) ‘success rate' at funding successful companies is at best comparable to the batting average of below-average baseball players.  They get lucky and confuse it with acumen.” -David B.

“Riverside, motherfucker!” -Carl

“I’m sorry, but even inside a store… With the factory seal still on… I refuse to believe there’s cookies in this tin. And my therapist wonders why I have trust issues.” -Brian, on Royal Dansk cookies

“Ending of UNC vs. UVA providing drama on @thecw I haven't seen since Gossip Girl went off the air.” -Joe O.

“Nick Adams, YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!” -Tom

“The Titans wearing throwback Oilers uniforms against Houston feels so wrong.” -Jay O’Brien “Peak petty.” -LaKedra

“I’m on pins and needles to see if you bought this!” -Jess, re: Brian’s Danish cookies

“I would’ve been better if the person I was bowling was a righty like myself. But noooooo Gordon Pepper was on a better side. The left side. The not so used side. Good job Pepper. Hope you take home the cheddar as in Moola.” -Elijah B.

“The internet was doing so well with the submarine memes, and then I saw that.” -Klaussie, re: Dunkaccino

“I don’t know but whatever it is, it’s covered in cheese.” -C, on breakfast casseroles

“Makumba!” -Carlos

“"Well, it's-- Ah, you wouldn't be interested. It's too lowbrow." "No...I'm QUITE lowbrow."” -Brian

“This is a pretty blue car...” -Car Insurance Agent. “Well it was a pretty blue car. Now it's a pretty blue accordion.” -G.

“If Bob Iger were to purchase the WWE, it would make it officially a Mickey Mouse organization.” -Klauss

“Fook.” -G.

“I am officially "ooh, who knew LL Bean had such nice things" years old.” -Wingo

Why are the lanes so dry? Who oiled them? -Bradley E. It was supposed to be the Tin Man from Oz, but he needed the oil more -G. That explains everything -Bradley E.

“Interesado -Mike D.

“I try not to take too much stock on what people say on social media because Twitter is the mark of the Beast and I refuse to go to Hell for my job.” -C

“I apologize for being over-the-top obnoxious. I only wanted to be semi-obnoxious but I got carried away.” -G.

“No money, no honey.” -Jasser

From the creators of 'Why am I in your bedroom?' comes the new game show called 'Why am I hitting you with a chair?' -G.

May we all strive to be 😎 better than Ezra. - Doug M.

“My commencement speech: if you're a gorgeous 20-something... get you some ugly friends. B/c their reality is your future. You need to prepare for a time when you're not getting all the world's favors. Now I'm not saying these friends need to be butt ugly. But they need to be avg enough that they've had to a) develop layered personality b) have some shrewd sense of how to operate in the world c) been mistreated enough that they have thicker skin d) have perseverance and know how to bounce back from the world judging them by their book cover. We all get less attractive as time goes on, but do you have a beauty retirement plan? As I get older I'm meeting more and more former playboys and faded hotties who are bitter, confused, and totally unprepared for not getting the free drink from the bartender and the extra guac on their taco. They didn't have a beauty retirement plan, and it's rough out there. Bikini cute is just a short minute. But the future always belongs to the plain-looking, middle child wearing boxers and New Balance sneakers. Look at Silicon Valley, look at DC, look at who runs the world. It isn't Fabio.” -Aurin S.

“We need to go to Fright Fest so I can feed you to the zombies.” -G.

"In 2020, Madison Cawthorn became the youngest Republican elected to Congress in American history. In 2022, he became the youngest Republican to lose re-election to Congress in American history," -Ben Collins

“Stop acting like a psychotic Oompa Loompa.” -G.

“I’m doling out truth bombs! Who wants to get blown?!” -C

“FAT FUCK MAGIC!” -Jay re: the Detroit Lions

“Chatting on Facebook - is that part of the work you do?” -Carlos “Why yes. Yes it is”. -G.

“Quisla Quisla Quisla Quisla… the vacation… begins in your mind… before you EVAH leave the house.” -C

“Guess who blew me off for Valentine's Day.” -Lisa D “I'd rather he blew you.” -G.

“Put your pants on, Chico. We’re getting a car.” -Quisla

Carlos: I made like 500 usd for 10 years of service Gordon: You'd make more in New York for 10 hours of service.

“Holy Hannah!” -Klauss

(Points to the Special K Box) - Now this is a real cereal -Carlos You're only saying that because there's a giant cock on the box -G. (Carlos stares at the box. Gives the finger)

There was a United Nations summit in Central Park -G. How many delegates -Ben T. Enough for 6 continents. And stenographers -G.

“Better send those refunds.” -Joe Burrow

(Walks into Carlos watching the X-Men in Spanish) OOh! Is this the X-Men? -G. Noooooo, It's Porn -Carlos (Points to Nightcrawler) It's not just his tail that's long and pointy -G.

“Waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure.” -Jay

“I’m leaving this in as punishment to myself.” -C

“If it was Tom Brady or anyone on the Cowboys, Skip would want the season cancelled.” -best. Comment. Ever.

“Fragile ego. Fragile body. Weak mind. Weak spirit.” -Jon Moxley

“I don’t miss.” -Jessica

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then... you're doing things you've never done before and more importantly, you're Doing Something.” -NEIL GAIMAN

“In hindsight, I preferred it when Will Smith’s love interests just vanished with no explanation or sense of closure.” -Adam

“Aren’t you supposed to call a doctor if your election lasts this long?” -Daniel

“Every time I hear a government official describe Russia's invasion of Ukraine as "an imperialist land grab" I'm like "oh, so you do know what that means..."” -Wingo

“I vow to be a cleaner MK in 2023. And when that's busted at 12:10 AM on 1/1/23, I'll be back to my usual raunchy, ribald self.” -Klaussie

“I’m not that good! I’m just the best at… fucking.. TRYING! I’m the best at fucking trying.” -C

“When you eat a poop sandwich, but the bread is terrific. Then you go to the restaurant and get the same sandwich with different bread.” -G

“Take the last two off the year sign and shove it up the ass of an elephant. Someone gimme that 3.” -Carl

“Yes, we all know MTV used to play music. It’s time to let it go.” -Josh

“Why don’t you force an answer out of yourself for a change?” -C

“When I said, “South Carolina is so pretty—we should spend more time here,” I didn’t mean driving the entire state at 35 MPH.” -Clay

“I finally get Taskmaster.” -C

“A clown’s average yearly salary is $40,000-$50,000. And here you are being one for free.” -Anneke

“And remember.. you can’t spell ‘similar to but legally distinct from’ without TEMU.” -C

“Hi good morning it’s Monday it’s foggy but it’s warm enough to sit outside I already took an everything shower and scrubbed off every skin cell that was present in 2022 and moisturized from head to toe so I’m a newborn baby glazed donut girlie with clear hair love you ok bye.” -Shannon

“PUT THAT… IN YOUR COMIC BOOK… AND SMOKE IT!” -Joe O

“It’s better than buying the new Blad Bhabie single. And for the Americans who do not understand that reference…. Ignorance is bliss, my friends. Ignorance is bliss.” -The Right Opinion

“GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!” -C whenever Jay says something remotely profane. Which happens once every…day. === And goodnight everybody...everybody. Come together, just think of tomorrow. :)

[chaosincurate]

My month in music - April 2023

Little Simz - NO THANK YOU (relisten)

Whitmer Thomas - The Older I Get the Funnier I Was

Young Guv - GUV III

Caroline Polachek - Desire, I Want to Turn Into You (new)

Caroline Rose - The Art of Forgetting (new)

Blondshell - Blondshell (new)

Wednesday - Rat Saw God

beabadoobee - Beatopia (relisten)

Waterparks - Intellectual Property

mau from nowhere - The Universe is Holding You

Feist - Multitudes

Daughter - Stereo Mind Game

Ramones - Ramones

Alvvays - Blue Rev (relisten)

Bob Marley & The Wailers - Uprising

beabadoobee - Fake It Flowers (relisten)

Warm Human - Hometown Hero

Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare (relisten)

Waterparks - Fandom (relisten)

Little Simz - Sometimes I Might Be Introvert

Prince - Sign 'O' The Times

Björk - Post

Write-ups below

Little Simz - NO THANK YOU

A largely laid-back hip-hop album that still displays an ability to uplift when necessary, with great use of brass instruments in particular to introduce energy or glory to a song.

Recommended song: Gorilla

Apple Music link

Whitmer Thomas - The Older I Get the Funnier I Was

An indie slacker album that doesn't take itself all that seriously, with humorous songwriting throughout.

Recommended song: Rigamarole

Apple Music link

Young Guv - GUV III

Light, jangly, and airy, indie-leaning power pop. It's well produced and well executed, and worth a listen if that sounds like your sort of thing.

Recommended song: It's Only Dancin'

Apple Music link

Caroline Polachek - Desire, I Want to Turn Into You

A diverse electronic pop outing from indie darling Caroline Polachek which casts a broad enough net to please pretty much anyone who likes the genre, which I think is the biggest reason for the hype and "must-hear" status amongst reviewers. Don't mistake my comments of broad appeal for accusations of blandness though, because there is a very satisfying identity to the album which, while not groundbreaking, isn't something that can be easily found elsewhere.

As the album art suggests, the album transports you to a paradise, so if you fancy an affordable holiday, and you like indie music, this album could be just what you need.

Recommended song: Bunny Is a Rider

Apple Music link

Caroline Rose - The Art of Forgetting

A great, expansive indie pop album which excels in personable lyrics, left-field pop production, and earning its melodramatic moments. Most of my favourite elements are present on Miami, particularly that explosion of sound towards the ending. Give it a listen!

Recommended song: Miami

Apple Music link

Blondshell - Blondshell

I don't know if I just have a warped perception of the alternative rock scene lately, but it seemed to me that Blondshell came out of nowhere with a polished sound, high-profile playlist spots (at least on Apple Music), and sudden credibility, but even if that makes me suspicious of where she came from, I'm glad she's here, because the album is good. The album has energy, unique themes, and a healthy dose of passion, making it exactly what you've come to expect from alternative rock, and it's executed well enough to not get boring.

Recommended song: Salad

Apple Music link

Wednesday - Rat Saw God

Another alternative rock album, but this one is a little more unique, blending the more expected sound of the genre with country and shoegaze, creating a noisy, harsh wave of sound, which lead singer Karly Hartzman passionately wavers over with vocals that can pump you up as well as they can tear your heart out of your chest.

I'll leave it at that because I don't think I could make a better case for this album than it's 8 minute epic Bull Believer can. I highly recommend giving it a listen if you're a rock fan.

Apple Music link

beabadoobee - Beatopia

beabadoobee always excels in charm, and this album is no different. Every song on this album, whether the ones I like or dislike, has this innate childish wonder about it. A nostalgic, innocent warmth and fun that you can only really instill in the art you care about. In this instance particularly, the album revolves around that childishness, as confirmed by the album title and artwork which was conjured by a way younger Bea.

The nostalgia comes from the sound palette, but crucially, not the the sound itself. The sound palette is very reminiscent of the music her childhood-starved generation (which I also happen to share) grew up on: 00's alternative. She wields this sound palette in very peculiar ways, most clear with the first proper song on the album, 10:36 and later on Talk when distorted guitars are used, not in an aggressive way, but instead with a sort of sparkle. I think that sort of contradiction is how beabadoobee makes music that is so representative of this generation. It captures the anger, but centers the yearning for childhood as we retreat to youthful expressions and experiences, especially the idea of doing things simply because they are fun and offer reprieve. It's a false innocence. A distorted representation of a sparkle that our eyes have lost.

To be clear, I'm not saying that this was all intentional and that they necessarily knew the effect this small touch would have on me and potentially others, and even if they did, I'm not saying this is exactly why they thought so, but all the same, this is what it means to me. The reader decides why the curtains are blue, not the writer.

Apple Music link

Waterparks - Intellectual Property

Although it might be considered a hot take in some of the circles I usually find myself in, I like Waterparks. From their harder pop-punk style at the start of their career, through the poppier first few albums, to what I will call the hyperpop-punk style of their past couple albums... I think they're a great band that has evolved very satisfyingly up until this point, providing some rare pop experimentation.

This one though? I found this a big step back. The opener, ST*RFUCKER, promises a pretty high-quality retread of the last album's sound, which I would be on board for, but REAL SUPER DARK is a more accurate representation in my view. The album more broadly does retain Awsten Knight's ability to add interesting twists to common themes (such as turning a love song into a self aware obsession song), but the execution is almost always distractingly flawed. It also doesn't help that the mixing on this album is dreadful, particularly with the vocals being buried beneath generally unaffecting instrumentals. That latter point was so bad that I didn't even realize one of the songs had backup vocals until I relistened when the lyrics were added on Apple Music.

This was just a very disappointing listen, and I genuinely don't know who to recommend this to other than the people who would have heard it already. Greatest Hits is just way better if you haven't heard any of their hyperpop-punk style, Fandom is a better overall summary of the band's sound, Double Dare is the best example of their pop-punk stuff, hell, even Entertainment has some great stuff on there as the band start to experiment and find a more individual sound, and honestly I think INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY is the worst of them all.

Recommended song: ST*RFUCKER

Apple Music link

mau from nowhere - The Universe is Holding You

If I were to attempt to find a common thread throughout this album, I'd probably have to settle on something broad, like lo-fi, because it is one of those incredibly sprawling, artistically indulgent projects that I love to listen to, but hate to try to make a write-up for. Without doing a track-by-track, the most useful thing I can do is tell you that mau traverses many different styles with great ease, and recommend a handful of songs.

If a laid-back and poppy hip-hop jam sounds good to you, Haba Na Haba is a great choice. If you're after something with a little bit more energy, closer and title track The Universe is Holding You is a great choice in that style too. My favourite though is the straightforward lo-fi pop bop Refuse Refuge. The whole album is high quality though, and there's only a few I don't really like, so its well worth a listen in my opinion.

Haba Na Haba || Apple Music link

The Universe Is Holding You || Apple Music link

Refuse Refuge || Apple Music link

Feist - Multitudes

A singer/songwriter album with a warm, earthy tone and poetic lyricism. The album makes good use of sparse instrumentation that somehow still manages to fill the soundscape well and places the lyrics front and center.

Recommended song: The Redwing

Apple Music link

Daughter - Stereo Mind Game

I often feel like obscure indie music can fall into this trap where it sounds all light and airy, perhaps in the pursuit of that 'immaculate vibes' type of sound, but without realizing that it still needs a pulse to get there. It can easily be overlooked, because it's usually quite subtle compared to the flood of reverb and synths, but it is absolutely crucial, at least for me, to make the songs memorable and enjoyable.

Daughter fully understand this though. This album never left me bored because it is always moving forward. It is usually slow enough to still be laid back, but it's always moving forward and never feels aimless. It's a good album if verby and vibey indie sounds like it'd appeal to you.

Recommended song: Be On Your Way

Apple Music link

Ramones - Ramones

Okay, look, I know this is a classic. I know that I risk losing my punk fan license if I say anything bad about the granddaddy of the genre itself, but this just didn't do anything good for me. Maybe one day I'll look back and think I was a fool for this, but this album - this 29-minute album - bored the shit out of me. Every song sounded like the last except for some tiny tweaks, and it was a sound that was best executed on the title track Blitzkrieg Bop.

But that isn't a deal-breaker. Hell, some of my favourite albums are somewhat sonically homogeneous, but this didn't have anything else to make up for it. No interesting lyricism or themes, no experimentation with instrumental palette, nothing.

And yeah, sometimes if you aren't used to a genre or sound, it can all feel a bit samey to you, just through inexperience, but I grew up on pop-punk (an offshoot of this album's purer punk), and have listened to a bunch of comparable stuff since, and it doesn't help me hear much difference between tracks.

It was an okay listen for me, don't get me wrong, but it is just too flawed for me to respect it as a classic, and the group of people I can imagine recommending this to is tiny.

Recommended song: Blitzkrieg Bop

Apple Music link

Alvvays - Blue Rev

I've already gushed about this album enough on my post on Alvvays, but suffice it to say that this sprawling indie album is exceptional and must-hear for any indie fan. I love it dearly.

Apple Music link

Bob Marley & The Wailers - Uprising

I'd never listened to a Bob Marley album before this, but my brother recommended this album to me last month (as in April), and I was suitably interested, so I gave it a go. Naturally, it was my first reggae album and remains my only reggae album to this point, so I don't really have the adequate tools to speak at all critically on the album, but I did enjoy it. The messages are conveyed well, and the music feels as communal as the lyrics.

Apple Music link

beabadoobee - Fake It Flowers

This should be a quick one. Pretty much everything about Beatopia also applies to this, except the sonic diversity. Her first album is pretty focused in comparison, but retains all the charm, fun, and energy of her most recent effort.

Apple Music link

Warm Human - Hometown Hero

Warm Human describes their sound as 'sludge pop', and I think that works excellently to describe the sound of this album. It takes distorted guitars, drenches them in reverb and somehow delivers it in a way that sounds appealing in that particular pop way.

Recommended song: Daylight Savings

Apple Music link

Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare

I listened to this one to commemorate the anniversary of it's release. That should tell you I love this album, and this most recent listen changed nothing on that front. From the blistering pace of opener Brianstorm, to the cheeky, bouncy fun of Fluorescent Adolescent, and, of course, the album's patient swan song 505, along with plenty more, this album makes a great case for being the best Arctic Monkeys album for me, and by extension, one of the best modern rock albums.

Apple Music link

Waterparks - Fandom

Now I get a chance to be positive about Waterparks! On Fandom, I believe they strike the perfect balance between pop cheese, pop-punk melodrama, and otherwise meaningful artistic expression. Sure, sometimes the scales wobble a little, but it never feels like its falling far enough into one facet to noticeably undermine the others or feel bland.

I think this album probably also makes itself a great contender as the quintessential Waterparks album, with it being placed at their stylistic crossroads, and being so passionate and personal, so clearly cared for, that I struggle to see how any other could be placed ahead of it as a representation of the band. To paraphrase Awsten in future lyrics, they got everything they wanted on album 3 and it shows, with the band clearly demonstrating a radical self-acceptance, allowing the music to be cheesy at times, a tad melodramatic, impatient, as well as the more accepted traits like energetic, inventive, catchy, and fun.

I know Waterparks have their haters, but if you're willing to approach them with an open mind, this album is a great place to start if you ask me.

There. Now everyone is unhappy.

Apple Music link

Little Simz - Sometimes I Might Be Introvert

I should have gotten to this way sooner. I had heard Little Simz' name a lot since this album dropped, and always meant to get to it, so when I saw she dropped another album at the end of 2022 I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get into her music, but after starting with NO THANK YOU, which underwhelmed me, this album dropped down my list of priorities. That was a mistake.

This album is everything I thought NO THANK YOU lacked. It's full, energetic, fun, and had themes I was way more able to grab onto, as well as a far more satisfying execution of those themes when listened to as an album. Not only are interludes used to great effect to reiterate the broader themes, the albums thematic flow is so smooth, with it being pretty common for the last few lines of any given song to tie itself into the next song on the album.

I should have gotten to this way sooner.

Apple Music link

Prince - Sign 'O' The Times

This isn't the first time I've tried to get into Prince. My brother is nuts about the guy's music, and has tried to get me into it as well, to little avail. He got me to listen to two albums, Purple Rain and Dirty Mind. I appreciated both, but always felt like, considering his legacy, I was missing something. I loved the hits, and always felt like that they lined up with what people said about him, and I respect a lot about the guy, but I couldn't get into an album of his the way I thought I ought to, which was very frustrating.

That was all a while ago though, and seeing this album as I was looking through AOTY, I thought I'd give it one more go after listening to the title track. After all, my brother loves it, and the title track seemed up my alley, so maybe this could be the album to finally give me some understanding.

Early on I got concerned it'd be another album where I could take a few songs from it but ultimately be unfulfilled. I even considered calling it a day after 5 or 6 tracks, which I hate doing, but the incongruity between what I hear from other people that I respect about Prince, and what I hear from Prince is too frustrating for me to have an enjoyable experience. I'm glad I held out though, because I loved the second half of this album, and I finally had something sustained for me to latch onto. I don't think I'll be bothering to explore more of Prince's music, but I'm so relieved that there is a run of songs within an album that I can point to and say "this is Prince earning his reputation", especially considering my brother's passion for the music.

Apple Music link

Björk - Post

I've only been writing about music on a public platform for a few months, but one thing I've experienced a lot is the thought that, despite my passion and the potential for a good post about something I love and want to share, it isn't worth making because it's popular. Everyone has already heard about it, so it's just preaching to the choir. Hell, I even felt it to some degree talking about Arctic Monkeys earlier. But the fact that I hadn't listened to Björk yet and only really considered it when Mic the Snare did a Deep Discog Dive on her is one hell of a counterpoint to that. We all have blind spots, and it never hurts to help people find music they might love, even if it's kinda on their radar.

But enough about me, this album was an incredible listen. Experimental, full, and uncompromisingly weird in a way that just makes the emotion more palpable. It's largely cohesive, it's entirely unique, and always passionate. I could compliment this album forever, but I could never fully describe it, but I'll give it my best succinct shot: I once heard someone describe Lorde as essentially gay Radiohead, but from what I've heard from all three artists Björk fills that role way better.

Apple Music link

[fujunfuren]

My feelings didn't settle yet. My current thought for ep15&16 is: it wasn't so good and wasn't so bad. Some scenes were breath-taking as usual, some weren't.

I congratulate you on the second couple!!! Hope you're happy! It was a bit sudden but the intimacy+domesticity was heart-melting. Can't wait to see gifs of them.

Some people were afraid of "they smiled each other and the end" type of ending. I was afraid of open-ending, too. While I watch them smile and stare at each other, I was like "plz no, not now, a bit more" then, the wide shot and "fin." came in and she suddenly ran. This last minute action made a nice "ending". I also can't wait for its gif to appear in the tag.

Thanks for enjoying my thoughts and sharing yours. I don't know why you needed and found it at the right time but its timing was good for me, too. I can see it by looking at its folder on my pc, all episodes being downloaded without missing any. I'll save and cherish it in the future.

Well, don't forget to eat some healthy snacks while editing gifs! The body will lack sleep, gotta not let it lack nutritions as well.😅

Thanks again for this one month journey and wish you well.

i'm still basking in the last part of ep 16 where she ran to him and "fin". i just really love that part, it gives me so much warmth, what an apt ending with a light note after all the heavy issues.

Yes, I felt it was a bit rushed but I'm happy for them, it was really nice to see jun feeling whole and actually wanting to get married because he was not fond of it last time (I too hope I will feel the same way haha) and I'm glad haesung finally found a stable relationship after all the red flag guys she dated.

omg I have the same reaction, I was like pls have a bit of something after they meet again, and that ending was sweet, short and perfect. I also love how their meeting was set up and not merely a coincidence. because irl, you can live opp each other and still not bump into one another lol. and the fact that he's been "touring" the country and coming back to seoul once in a while, the chances are so low. I appreciate how realistic that meeting was.

I think it was a nice closure on woojoo's part of how she decides to move on from dongjin's mother. "Hating you was easier and more doable than hating my own father."

Such a gem of a drama and a very relatable one too.

Hope for more good dramas we can share our thoughts with 🥰

[lexisism]

i was bein' a little dramatic I don't think u CAN laugh at this but I wanna share it like a storytime

i was heavy daydreaming right... like. heavy daydreaming everything down to the detail sp this is LOOONGGG

...soso we were texting !! scheduled a meetup :D

i told u meet me at a cafe like the next day u were like cool ok

so I was anxious all night because I knew I'd probably forget lol...but I didn't!!! I was at the cafe before u actually gotta arrive an hour earlier so I'm not late <33 and u walked in looking clueless

i watched u sit down so I posted on Tumblr like "help where is Alexis its been ten minutes" and u respond "IM HERE?? WHERE ARE YOU" so I describe what I look like and ur like ohhh ok and come to my table

ofc I'm a little shy (takes place in the future ig btw) but we're talking!! ur talking to me about one of your silly little interests or just about whatever really and I'm listening like CRAZY until someone comes to take our order

and I'm like "oh okay wait shes pretty" so I'm bein' all like "hiiiiii....uh yeah can I get the uhhh this? yeah haha yeah.." eye contact n everything

then she leaves and ur like "girl wtf was that 😐" and I'm like what. ur crazy and you're kinda giving me a dirty look the whole time like hello??? daydream u is kinda mean 2 me 💔

so you get back to talking but she comes back with our food

and she calls me!!!!! !!!!!1! PRETTY !!!!! and I'm like oh.....erm....ur pretty too haha

and then we're talking she tells me about the special

and ur on your phone posting about me 🙁 then she has to leave to go tend to something else and I'm kinda watching her go and ur like OLIVER. I'm like HWAT!!!!

but then ur also like makin' fun of me "did u invite me into ur country just so I can act as your third wheel???" "NO I DIDNT" "uh huh. eat your food 😐" like ok mean mean mean

but we get back to eating and talking so all's well!!!! BUT THEN LADY COMES BACK AND ur like omfg

she asks me us about the service and im like oh haha it was great !!! I'm DEFINITELY gonna try to come here every week!!!!! and shes like "really??" yeah keyword is try... I might forget "oh? well here, I'll just text you so you wont forget.. write your number down?"

and I look at you and I'm like ALEXIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you're covering ur face and looking down I cant tell if ure laughing at/with me or you're praying on my downfall :/

I GIVE HER MY NUMBER AND SHE FINALLY LEAVES!!!!!! so I grab my shit and put money on the table like cmon Alexis lets get out of here

ur like "thank God" there was a moment you try to pay but I usher u out and hold the door open for you anyway 🙄

then I'm like erm. like. wanna. omg u seem tired "I am" ok why don't we go to my house we can literally js walk there "ok"

so I take u to my home and ur like wahattt woah so cozy

so I tell u make urself at home and I offer u to sleep in my bed ur like "???? no?? its your bed??" I'm like girl I'm offering go lay down idc

i make u sleep in my bed anyway u deserve to be comfy

i wish u a good nap and leave but as soon as I do u start posting about me 🙁 u called me a girlfailure and a loser

i left details out so I wouldn't feel like a loser but here's like three quarters of my bullshit thank u for letting me waste ur time ily

nah why is dream me lowkey homophobic 😔🔥 i would be laughing i cant i lowkey did laugh I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THIS IS SO CUTE 😭😭 I PROMISE I WOULD BE ALL OVER YOU LMAOOO GO GET THE GIRL

Pls i would love to meet you, you think about me?? like omg 😭🙏

[speakingagain]

Hi,

I'm Mae, I'm 24 years old and tired of giving a shit. I have created this blog for a few reasons. As stated in the description, I have a lot to say but never say it. This is a bad habit that I've had for many years and it has negatively impacted me in multiple ways.

I struggle greatly with opening up, trusting others and letting myself be vulnerable with anyone but my dog. That's not exactly healthy. And I know that ideally, one should deal with mental health issues such as this one with a professional, like therapy.

However, I live in the US and as a part of the lower class, that's a whole ass joke. Insurance is expensive, therapy is expensive, I don't qualify for state provided insurance and even if I did, the waiting list to get seen is several months out, if not longer. And I'm honestly one slight inconvenience of losing my shit. So Tumblr it is.

This blog is not meant to gain a ton of views. I'm not looking for followers, likes, fame or anything of the like. I don't care about that and I don't care about your negative opinions on my issues and/or feelings. My life is too much of a dumpster fire as it is to really care. So if you have nothing nice or supporting to say, don't waste my time or yours by commenting. You will get blocked, and I'll think about it for like 15 minutes max before I get distracted by my own lack of attention span. I personally think it's a waste of both of our time.

I'd also like to make it clear that I am aware that I am the cause of most of my own problems. I make dumb decisions more often than not and that's something I'm trying to change. Hence the blog.

If you want to say something nice, funny or supporting, I do encourage it and because we can all use some positivity in our lives because the world is shitty enough as it is.

A little bit about me.... I have no life. I work overnights and have two jobs, as an RBT (registered behavioral tech) and as a QMAP (Qualified Medication Administering Person (because they needed to make a whole title of it apparently)). I got married at 19 because I was an idiot who was (and still is... lets be honest) desperate for love and support while also being a brat wanting to rebel from my family. I'm currently working on getting a divorce, but I'll be honest, it's not high on my priority list right now even though it definitely should be.

I have a dog, she is 10 years old, and a lab/pittbull mix. She's a big old goofy girl and she thinks she's a lap dog. She's the highlight of my life even though she has approximately 3 brain cells per day. Her favorite things involve being a crack head, stealing food, and forcefully cuddling anyone not strong enough to push her off (me and her grandma basically). She has weird habits like trying to hide her plush toys outside and then forgetting they exist. For the last 5 years I had her, she barked only a handful of times but since I moved back in with my mom, she has started barking regularly. I try to be mad about it but she sounds like a strangled turkey and it's honestly hilarious. She loves fireworks but is absolutely terrified of hot air balloons, I have no idea why.

I live with my Mom for a few reasons, like the rising cost of living, me getting a divorce and her being lonely. Sometimes we get on each other's nerves (like most mother/daughter relationships) but most of the time we just make wise cracks and talk shit and occasionally smoke the devil's lettuce together. Our favorite thing to do is watch TV together, vape and then sit under the stars in the summer and talk about whatever comes to mind and laugh until we get eaten alive by mosquitoes.

She also has a dog, but technically it's her boyfriends (he's just currently out of the country being a tech nerd). This dog, is also 10 years old, and is a weird Shiba inu/Chihuahua mix? That's our best guess. We were told by her breeder she was purebred Shiba inu but she looks weird and shakes as much as a Chihuahua does so we took a guess. She's sassy and spoiled but also adorable. She broke and dislocated her ankle last month while jumping out of the car and just had surgery the other day to repair it. She's been high on pain meds for the last 48 ish hours and it's both sad and hilarious because she is half shaved but also stares at the floor for 25 minutes trying to decide if she should lay down or not.

I have 3 siblings (technically 4, but that's unnecessarily complicated and he's kind of an asshole who I haven't seen more than 2 times in the last 7 years so it's fine). I have two older sisters and and older brother. They live across the eastern side of the US, living their best lives as they can. I like to think we are all super close but there's always long spans of time we just get so busy with our adult lives that we kind of forget each other exist and then after like a month and a half, someone sends a meme in the group chat and no one shuts up for the next 2 weeks. Family, am I right?

My father is for lack of better terms, an POS. He's uninvolved and we are all better off for it. He's a waste of time and space. I may go further into details in later posts where I explain my lengthy daddy issues, but honestly, he's a loser who looks like a fat and homeless hobbit but lives off his 80 something year old mother. Like I said, POS.

For my hobbies, I enjoy sleeping, being sarcastic, and pretty much anything involving art. Photography, drawing and painting are my favorites. I am attempting to learn how to tattoo but it's way harder than it looks and my motivation is about as consistent as my attention span. Non existent.

I'd compare it to trying to draw on raw chicken with a vibrator taped to a pen.

I love music and it's one of my main coping skills. I like metal, pop, and some rap. (I am proud and un proud of being able to rap with Nicki Minaj with Bottoms Up). And indie pop is a top favorite recently.

I am an introvert at heart but at the same time, I don't know how to shut up (as you can probably guess from this long ramble) and have little to no filter. A lot of people find me weird and unsettling. They aren't wrong. Sometimes I wish I was a proper extrovert because I think that if I had more self confidence (and the social battery to be around people) I'd have a lot more fun and have more memories beyond working and staying at home watching Supernatural or The Witcher (I'm a sucker for pretty boys).

I'd love to go out more, meet more people and experience life. I'd like to go clubbing and go to bars and socialize. Maybe have a hoe phase. I'd love to meet new people and make memories and have funny stories to tell my 13 cats when I'm old. But quite frankly, I hate people. I hate loud and crowded places. And I especially hate being touched. It generally comes down to me getting outside my comfort zone and also having friends who have time to do that shit. And money. That's a reoccurring problem for everyone though.

That's pretty much me, thanks for reading, and I'm proud if anyone actually read this whole thing. I appreciate each and every one of you, and I'm glad you're here. Don't give up on your mental health journey and take care of yourself, yeah?

Wish me good luck on my journey to get over the shit I've got going on in my brain, I'm gonna need it.

Picture is of my dorky dog, Sable 😊