#girlblogging like i've never girlblogged before

[chiimeraangel]

almost through my second week of work and feeling so...drained. barely done anything but my god...

[yarrystyleeza]

ABOUT ME ♡ ⋆｡˚

♡ | my name is Yomna /jʊmna/, but my friends tend to call me Yuna /jʊna/. (Cupcake is also my nickname since it's written up there on my blog—in Arabic)

♡ | she/her | January 30th (22) | 𖤓 aquarius — ☾ leo — ↑ sagittarius | enfj-t | 4w3 | a proud Egyptian | 𓆎 𓅓 𓏏 | Gryffindor | English translation and linguistics student (graduate) | translator, aka "a dumb fuck with a degree" | pet mom | also a certified idiot™

♡ | I'm a 22 year old girl with hyperfixations, I love poetry, literature, drama, music, art, (apparently all forms of art), cats, cooking, singing, and writing about my favorite fictional characters. I'm focusing on Charlie Cox and Norman Reedus's characters, more info in masterlist.

♡ | currently I own two cats, Nezuko (F, 6, white angora) and Zenitsu (M, 2, orange tabby). Previously, I owned a couple budgies, they all passed away, this is a tribute to my babies: Branch (M), Puchii (F), Kiki (M), Beebo (M), and Miu Miu (F).

♡ | I live by the shore and I've never been to a museum before. Sounds like poetry to me.

♡ | fandoms: daredevil, the walking dead, (any Charlie Cox or Norman Reedus work—I'm in for the ride, baby), one direction, panic! at the disco, twenty one pilots, arctic monkeys, AURORA, Taylor Swift, Louis Tomlinson, ZAYN, Emily Kinney, CAS—respectively.

♡ | youtubers/channels I watch: nexpo, wendigoon, the why files, creepcast, blameitonjorge, markiplier, vsauce, mista GG, rebal-d, the dark somnium, creepsmcpasta, Mr creeps, creepypastajr.

☆ side notes:

I love shitblogging if that's what it's called, I reblog a lot of fanfics, memes, artworks and poetry pieces. I also girlblog a lot, like a lot.

Also, feel okay to spam like/reblog me it makes my day hehe :3

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[whaleji]

girlblogging like kafka; entry 1

nice weather in Istanbul. refreshing. visited the cistern basilica. lunch was delicious. I hate the feeling of men's eyes hovering over me like i'm food, ready to jump, only stopping themselves not out of respect for my existence and individuality, for the soul that's withheld within my jail of a body, but merely because my father is walking by my side. he could be anyone ; an uncle, a grandfather, a teacher, a lover, a brother ; he could be anyone, and yet they'd still stop no matter what, not because they see some things in me aside from my boobs and my face, not because they feel the shy shape of opinions and hobbies and drives behind my skull, or a purpose to my being on earth besides the role of a pleaser, no. no, they stop because of the knowledge that his being of the male sex and me of the female one makes me property. his property. and overstepping property would be uncouth, wouldn't it ? it wouldn't do. and so they limit themselves to wandering stares and disgusting smiles. smiles the opposite from angel's smiles in renaissance paintings, smiles full of vices and thoughts of violence. smiles twisted and tainted of superiority, smiles i want to violently peel from their faces and run over with my bare feet, smiles that make my blood boil and make me think of all those years being subtly told to allow men. to allow them my thoughts, my body, my life. to allow them everything by denying it to myself. strolled in a park for a while. was nice. read a bit. it was "les justes" by Camus. very interesting. 65 pages in as of now. explores themes of political commitment and insurrection. i'm feeling overwhelmed by being in my parents' constant presence for days after living by myself for a year now. i'm feeling suffocated. claustrophobic. inside and outside alike. listening to lana and mitski is what's helping the most, no matter how cliché. i see a lot of cats on the streets ever since we arrived in Turkey. i want to kidnap them all. i feel so bad for them, straying all day long, not knowing where to go, where they belong, fed only based on the rare acts of kindness of passing strangers and locals. the same goes for dogs, and people. it breaks my heart to see a homeless man dumpster dive while i pass by with the shameful knowledge that i eat more than i need in a day ever since i arrived. i fear the future. ten years from now and tomorrow alike. i want to get a job and then again i don't, not really. i've already worked before, and i know the feeling will subside, but i feel it still. i feel it at a very deep point within myself, always chasing it with a broom, trying to sweep it from my system. it's a bone crushing feeling that leaves me blank in the head and my heart hurting. it's the reason why i try to push back the time I get out of bed in the morning, fleeing responsibilities in the shape of friends and clocks and the sound of traffic. it's the reason why i withdraw inside myself at times, with the childish thought that my body disappears along with my consciousness, like a child that believes she's become invisible to others by closing her eyes. it feels like the issue here is that i'm like a self destructing piece of paper, a page that goes blank everyday, no matter how much you write in it. what's in the past remains in the past, i don't learn from my mistakes. it also has perks, like me being able to enjoy my favorite materials, books and movies alike, like i never experienced them in the first place. music is different. music i feel in my bones, and so it sticks. it never leaves my body. the same goes for literature and cinematography, but what i remember are feelings, nothing about the plot or content. i remember an experience rather than words on paper. rereading a favorite book feels like greeting an old friend. i'm filled with the memory of old feelings as they mingle among the new, confronting me to the person i was last time i read it. it gives me a singular glimpse into what i was, what i am, what i may become. today was hectic, but then again when is it not ?

[winged-void]

Maybe you’re right and segregation could actually be a good thing? At first the idea is repulsive but maybe we’d all get on better if the trans ppl stayed with the trans ppl and the men and the women get their own areas and everyone stays in the country they were born in? Idk sounds toxic but maybe there’s a non-toxic positive way to do it, you reckon? You made me think at least hmmmm

whoa! i've never gotten a bait ask before this is my first one, i must be moving up the girlblogging ladder.

really nailed the passive aggressiveness too, top notch stuff.

Only thing is, i can't tell which of my innocuous, objectively correct opinions sparked this! you should try to be a little less passive next time if you want it to really hit.

was it me saying i like t4t? Was it me being trans women positive specifically? hard to say!

all in all i'm gonna give it a 7/10 but you've set a pretty high bar for people who come after you, i hope you take the criticism to heart so you can harass trans women more effectively in the future<3

[sprinklina]

NOT TO GIRLBLOG. BUT since i've been going out of the house more often i want to type something out because i'm insane (long post)

my area isn't very interesting. when i get out of my neighborhood, i pass a dunkin' and other things that have been a staple. i think of how many things i haven't noticed growing up. there's a birdsnest on the sign for my pharmacy. i've noticed it when i was little, but forgot about it since it wasn't important. every time i go there, i see a nest, just above the e. i know the birds have come and gone. the new birds live there, like the ones before and the ones before that. they are still here.

and then i think of how many things i have noticed. little details that weren't important but i still remember and think about them time and time again. sometimes we pass a seafood shop. there's a giant lobster statue outside. his name is woolley. there was a bilboard that we passed to my elementary school advertising for strip club. it was changed to an advertisement for the seafood shop a few years ago. there's a farm with pumpkins and a barn and during the fall they let kids go there to take hay rides. there's a restaurant with giant red doors and beautiful dragon statues outside that has a weird slope enterance/exit that i made sure to remember because i always tripped going down. there's an autoparts shop that's been there as long as i have, and there's a car mechanic with a broken roof, and there's a rug store half the size of home depot. there's a car rental with 3 of the letters missing on the sign so it spells something funny. there's the perkins that went bankrupt and got painted all white. they have their sign outside. they kept their sign. they are still here.

and i didn't really take it in when i was little. i didn't really take in the fact that maybe when i was older, the things i saw wouldn't be there. it's a little like how stars were explained to me. i see stars, they are real, but they are gone, and the light still shines as if they were here. i didn't think that when i would get older, maybe i wouldn't see woolley when i passed by the seafood shop. maybe the bilboards would change to advertise something else. or maybe the farm would have to close, or maybe i would never go to that fancy restaurant again, or the autoparts shop isn't actually open for business, or the car mechanic left that place long ago, or that the rug store was long gone. and to see that the fields of trees i used to look at blend together much more easily, the parts of my town that were cleared for houses but only remain piles of dirt and construction material, to see the state of everything outside go downhill a little bit as i get older and go through my own issues is something.

sorry to get emotional on 11:53 pm on a tuesday but i think about how my town has grown with me. and to know it is struggling just as much as i am is something i can count on

[someclassicyetcrazylady]

Been through a lot those last years. Lots of things (and people) broke me, and I seriously thought I could never go back to my sanity again. It is difficult to go back when all you know through your whole life is abuse and mistreatment.

But, I've never gave up, and now I'm in a kinda literal girlboss era. I'm literally a boss where I work at rn, and I'm kinda like "how???". And I am doing relatively fine. There are ups and downs, but I didn't gave up before and I won't give up now.

I'm just trying to live, to be happy, to try to enjoy life in this fuckep up place we call Earth. So, I decided that I'm healing now. This is (as corny as it sounds) my healing era. Enough with all that self loathing and victimization I did before. I needed that at the moment, but I don't need it anymore. I'm a new person, a new me who was born after all the hardships I've went through, and still remained alive. I mean, the old me is actually dead, so the new me could be born.

Now, I will be posting some art I'm doing as a form of therapy (and I'm actually doing therapy and also a lot of new and exciting things) and all things related to healing and being the true you or that shit. There will be girlblogging posts as well, but not THAT negative anymore.

Well, I'm actually just venting some things that were trapped in my head and now these thoughts are free. I'm happy to share it with somebody, anybody.

I hope you, if you are reading this, I hope that you won't let anybody break you, that you will overcome that, whatever you're going through, for you are so much stronger than you thought.

[chiimeraangel]

I did everything today I said I was gonna do!! No root beer tho, I mixed some pomegranate juice with tonic water instead! super yummy. Just had dinner now I'm having some popcorn with a bit of chocolate on the side ☺️ catching up on chainsaw man finallyyyy

black keys day today idk

I'm feeling good, I think I'm gonna either jump rope for a bit, or do a little resistance walk on the treadmill for some movement. Gotta wash my hair today cuz I'm so over this silk press! Never straightening my hair again! I'll do a cute blowout moment but dassit. I don't feel like myself.

After my shower I'm gonna have a celebratory root beer and find something to watch idk

Before that I may go to five below and look for some workout stuff for the future. Hopefully find a little headphone connector for my wired ones. Fuck apple for getting rid of the headphone jack. Like genuinely worst idea ever. (I shoulda stuck with samsung but oh well, a phone is a phone is a phone)

[whaleji]

girlblogging like kafka ; entry 4

unproductive day. did nothing except go out to eat in the evening and hate myself. my screen time is through the roof and i'd be lying if i said that didn't make me at least a tiny bit ashamed. had to withdraw some cash at 11 pm tonight, loved the feeling of walking by myself for barely five minutes and having a guy try to prey on me. i really dislike men. and by that i mean that i really dislike individuals that are socialized as men as the patriarchy recognizes it. i wish my body didn't prevail over my soul. but even with the patriarchy abolished it'd still be the case. differently, but my body would still act as a more recognized id card for my soul than my actual words and actions would to most people.

had some henna done, it looks amazing. it spirals and twirls around like snakes on my skin. i'm so tired. i wish i could just melt into the back of my brain and observe as my body goes through the motions of life while i'm watching it like it's a movie. i don't have the energy to do anything. except sometimes i do. life is so complicated. to be fair, i'm already watching life unfurl before my eyes as it is, except i have to take action and feel the consequences of my poor reasoning when i do tune out. my take is that i should either be completely dissociated from the world or not at all. how fair is it otherwise ?

i wish i could be the paper on the wall or the lamps on the ceiling or the frames on the ground or that spoon that was lost two years ago and that calmly sits behind a piece of furniture. i wish i could be unmoving and unthinking and i wish i could just be. i wish for a lot of things i'll never attain. got interviewed for a job today and didn't make it. I've been trying to find work for three months now, to no avail. my patience is thinning along with the time left before uni starts again. it makes me want to scream and rip my nails off and eat them and open up my belly with a knife to retrieve them and pierce the eyes of all the bosses of the world with them. why is it so hard to find work when i most need it ? i'd do anything, but even McDonald's won't have me. is it me ? is it me who's not good enough ? is it me who should try harder ? is it me ? is it me ?

i know i'm lazy and phlegmatic of temperament, most of it is due to a sort of butterfly effect that starts with dissociation turning into staying home most of the time to cope with having to deal with life to not being used to actually do other things than just lie in bed reading. that also goes for basically anything else that you can only learn through direct experience, like social interactions. i only know how to interact with people my age thanks to school, but i don't know how to interact with strangers outside of specific contexts thanks to all this time zoning out with my headphones, i don't know how to interact with family thanks to all those family reunions i skipped or spent reading on my phone. except now it's too late to learn. i'm too old to learn. too aged for my inadequacy to be looked upon with indulgent eyes. and yet i'm nothing but a child whose body kept growing and growing and growing while she remained a 9 year old girl that no one wants to play with at recess.

i'm tired of being mocked. i don't know how to make the difference between real and imagined mockery. it makes no sense to me that people would do this. it's so painful, how could it bring anyone any kind of pleasure being the bearer of such hurt and humiliation ? i feel like people mock me or dislike me because they somehow feel i'm not as most others are, that my colours are faded. like i'm from the twilight zone. i want to open the floor and slip into it and close it back up behind me. i want to live under the floorboards and stay here indefinitely. until i'm healed. until i feel ready to crawl back into society and to act as everyone wants me to : as someone that's aware of societal norms and customs, that has energy to spend into others and into work, that's actually there and not just trying their best to pretend they are.