#girl (gnc) i don't know where that came from i wasn't even sure what i was doing and yet it doesn't look half bad

[youcouldbeit]

Also I'm not kidding send help what was that.

[sunnywalnut]

I fully believe that the only thing that stopped me from identifying as trans when I was younger was the fact of my autistic black and white thinking.

Well yeah. That guy is trans. And I think he's super cool. But I couldn't be trans despite the fact that I feel more like myself with him because he embodies everything I wish I could be but stop myself from being.

Oh no I absolutely could not be transgender at all! I didn't know I was a dude since I was three like all these other people who were taught the concept of gender and the fact that gay people exist from a young age and I only learned lesbians existed after I was ten years old.

Of course that person is transgender. The whole reason I changed the name on the sticky note set on their desk was because they're my friend and I'm an ally. Totally not because I want somebody to do the same for me.

Nah bro. I don't think my obsession with gender neutral names and wanting to change my name to Alex because it was the only gn name I knew at the time had any transgender reasons for it. I'm just super attached to the idea of accidentally being mistaken for a boy. Even if it's just by name.

The reason I specifically searched for books with male protagonists my age when I was younger was totally because of super straight reasons and not because I identified with them more than any of the female leads, despite being extremely similar to a lot of them.

Oh totally I'm not jealous of my brother who's only one year older than me, therefore I get to see him embody all these manly traits like getting a cool low voice and be taught things that I wish I could learn but I wasn't explicitly invited so I stay where I was.

What do you mean it's not normal to treasure the blue Finding Nemo basketball cap that I sneered at on Christmas Day for "looking too boyish" and wearing it inside the house while I crawled up on my grandfather's lap so he could read to me.

Of course my best friend of over seven years is my sister! Despite the fact that I feel completely uncomfortable when she claims that I am hers. Not because we're not family. Because something is wrong with the word "sister" and I can't tell what.

I mean shit. The only reason I realized that I could've been queer was bc somebody told me that if I(a "straight girl") liked a trans guy, then I would be pansexual.

Untrue, obviously, since trans guys are still guys, and my little 13yo brain thought the same way, but the fact that somebody said it so casually just opened the floodgates of "what ifs" for me.

And you know what?

The year after that, I came out publicly as bi. Then ace. Then two years after that gender fluid. Then in the same year, transmasc. Then lesbian a couple months later. Then transmasc but not lesbian after a couple weeks because my partner was also genderfluid. And now? Transmasc/trans man and bi, specifically for the girls and gnc folks.

Had that person not told me I was pansexual, I'm pretty sure I would've just gone around being indifferent to my romantic partners thinking that friendship was the romance all along this entire time.

Six entire years. And I was autistic the whole time.

It was always about being a good person for the "other" people who needed me until I realized I could be the other people as well.

The whole reason I didn't "show signs" of being transgender during my childhood?

Same reason I didn't show signs of being autistic.

I was mirroring people. I was mirroring what I thought was needed of me. Ignoring my interests or things I was curious about. Because I knew what was expected of me. That part of it was explained thoroughly, at the very least. The gender part of it all. And by God, I was going to do a good job at it.

And yeah. I was happy when I found dresses that were pretty.

Not because I was the one wearing them.

But because it meant that my mom thought I was doing such a good job at Gender that I deserved a skirt. In order to show it off to everyone.

Same reason I allowed my hair to be done. Little jewels to be twisted into my long locks that I grew myself and refused to cut. Because this was what I was good at. Everyone, even if they didn't like me, they liked my long, feminine hair. They liked my frilly, feminine dresses. And my shiny, feminine jewelry.

And well... I liked being liked. I liked being admired.

Because nobody noticed me any other way.

Unless it was for my art.

I was good at art.

I'm still good at art.

My "feminine" art.

I no longer get joy from long hair and frilly dresses and shiny jewelry.

But I still get joy from art.

Even if it isn't feminine.

Even if it isn't shown to anyone.

Because it is mine.

It is me.

It is the one thing that I grew up seeing that everyone could do. Regardless of skill. Everyone was thrown in a class together. Everyone crowded around the girl who drew anime in class. Everyone knew of the famous men like Van Gogh. Everyone was able to do art. Everyone was able to be creative. To get messy. To work with their hands.

And everyone meant that there was space for me, too.

There were finally shades of gray.

And I clutch them dearly to my heart, right next to the rainbows of devotion I painted on the inside walls of my ribcage.

Each palette I've created is a labor of love, used to picture the world in each wonderful shade of admiration.

And that is still the one thing that I have found that try as they might, they cannot sort into sexes.

So I keep my shades of gray. I keep my rainbows and my flags. And I paint them with all the colors I like. Because art showed me a way to be free. And I refuse to live my life in a cage. Regardless of who's hands made it.

I just know that it won't be mine.

[qqueenofhades]

I keep thinking about the ask you answered a little while ago about people wanting a leftist version of Trump is so scarily true it's unsettling. People keep demanding he "do something" about abortion and gun violence but when anyone is like.... he can't, he doesn't have the votes to, they're like "he's the President he said he would do something why hasn't he done something" and it's like ???? what part of this are you not understanding if he doesn't have the votes he doesn't have the votes. Do they want like an EO or something? I'm just not sure what they expect him to do.

And it's also so fucking annoying to see them go after the Dems at every turn while letting the Republicans off the hook completely and not expecting shit from them. You may just want Biden to write them all off and govern like the GOP doesn't exist but he can't.....exactly do that. That's not how our system works. I wonder if they're just sorely misinformed from how rife Twitter is with complete bullshit or if they understand reality but are just saying this stuff for the outrage clicks.

Honestly, as I've said before, I'm not sure? I think it's a combination of willful ignorance and a desire not to learn anything, ever, that might challenge their deeply felt moral superiority. Just the other day, I had someone in my notes who, while otherwise agreeing with most of what I was saying, also insisted that Biden was "anti-trans." And like. The president who, while VP, famously came out for LGBTQ marriage before his boss, who specifically highlighted the violence suffered by trans women of color in his campaign platform, got the Violence Against Women Act reauthorized and passed with strong new protections especially for trans and gnc/queer victims, has issued statements on Transgender Day of Remembrance, made sure to repeatedly insist to trans Americans that they belong and their lives are valid, etc. etc., is definitely anti-trans, dontcha know?

However, I happen to know that recently, the Washington Post wrote a bad and misleading article about the Biden administration supposedly joining Republican state AGs to prevent trans girls from playing in women's sports. It was picked up by a big liberal account on Twitter and amplified as "a betrayal of everything the Biden administration has stood for since day 1" (which, you'll notice, implicitly agrees that the Biden administration HAS strongly supported trans rights). Then a few days later, the account holder actually read the policy, agreed that it wasn't what was being proposed and the WaPo had done a hatchet job on reporting it, and admitted that no, the Biden administration actually hadn't done a 180 on supporting trans rights. But if all you have is one Twitter account incorrectly reporting on a bad and misleading WaPo article, which is like... layers on layers of deliberately distorted and extremely out-of-context information, and you use that to decide that BIDEN IS ANTI-TRANS, it just. Doesn't make sense. And even if in the extremely likely event that Biden and/or his administration have missed some of the ideological benchmarks arbitrarily assigned to Demonstrate Absolute Purity On This Issue, like. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN WHAT THE REPUBLICANS ARE DOING??! HAVE YOU?!?!??!?!?!

I don't know if that is where that particular person got the idea or not, but it demonstrates how the left-wing online misinformation ecosystem works, and which is in some ways is extremely similar to the right-wing online misinformation ecosystem. It doesn't matter if the only piece of "evidence" supporting your belief is a single Tweet written by someone who hasn't read the actual policy based on a bad piece of reporting, that evidence is now to be preferred against every single empirical example to the contrary because it's "the real truth" (translation: it confirms what you already want to believe). That is the example that you will whip out every time someone tries to argue with you to the contrary, and you will never accept anything that contradicts and/or disproves it, because that's what you want to believe and now you will. You technically know that there is information out there which doesn't agree with your position, but it is the "wrong information" and therefore cannot be incorporated into your belief system. You likewise refuse to acknowledge any complexities, any other branches of government (once again, I am begging people to acknowledge both SCOTUS and how catastrophically it was fucked by allowing Trump to fill three seats), or anything other than insisting on the impossible and getting mad when it doesn't get done. Which doesn't sound very productive and/or useful to me, but hey. OUTRAGE. OUTRAAAAAAGE.