#getting a PhD but doing it for the bit
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Re-enrolling in my PhD program and defending my Fake Thesis as a Real Thesis purely to see the looks on my committee members' faces when they realize each chapter's argument is an elaborate setup to a capital-punishment-worthy Title Pun
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I'm so immersed in my jason grace new rome uni fic that I'm studying ancient roman law terms using this as an excuse. help.
#I'm COMMITTED fr#I become smart just for these fanfics i swear. i thank the fanfic and fandom community for my thirst for knowledge 😮💨✨#I also remember listening to latin asmrs and learning latin words for reyna and jason :) I need help fr#i hate how I feel the need to want to know EVERYTHING tho 😭 like why do I have to overthink everything#I'm not sure if I should include ancient roman law or common law for jason tho#or he could just learn both as separate classes. the roman law can come under the history category#so he has to learn a bit of everything#political science criminal law economics history civil law corporate law banking law#I'm tired. law students I have always had nothing but respect for you#I won't go TOO deep into what he's studying in the fics tho like I won't mention his lessons in the fic every 5 mins#prolly just him doing presentations and projects then and there#bc like if I go too deep in then I'll get into a writing slump again#bc info dumping is EXHAUSTING it would feel like a school assignment not a fic#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#pjo series#jason grace#pjo hoo#pjo hoo toa#annabeth chase#leo valdez#piper mclean#frank zhang#hazel levesque#jason grace x y/n#jason grace fanfic#jason grace x you#jason grace x reader#࿔‧ ֶָ֢˚˖𐦍˖˚ֶָ֢ ‧࿔ elora's PhD in overthinking
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every time I remember I'll never be a student again
#a couple of people from my undergrad course have stayed on at our uni for phds and i follow their study accounts#and it makes me feel a little bit sick every time i see their posts#what do you mean they're planning on a library session and some reading tomorrow#whilst i spend every day being an employee at a stupid pointless job#i try to remind myself that i get free time without deadlines and grades but honestly it does not work#don't get me wrong i'd hate to live in halls again (like one of them does) but i want my life to revolve around studying again!!!!!#talking
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watching this play out over the last couple of years has been incredible
#they really are just. weird kids friend group.#it’s all very poetic#and a little bit hilarious like okayy mr phd sit down😭#maybe they’ll confirm/go more in depth about the gang’s neuroses next season#canon autistic charlie u will be mine..#but fr nothing has made me feel as seen as finding out they’re just like me :(#and ofc it makes so much sense in hindsight that the show would attract a neurodivergent audience#but i didnt know that when i first started getting into this show as a way to cope with my late diagnoses#like what do u mean i wasn’t just projecting?#sorry for using tags as a diary it will happen again
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there are valid reasons to have an antagonistic relationship to academic scholarship, but those reasons are overwhelmingly not raised in graduate classrooms, where students instead bitch about theory in general, jargon in general, making them sound ultimately like conservatives, who view any attempt to systematically account for social phenomena as a form of useless intellectual degeneracy
#you’re in a PhD program and you’re bitching about reading theory? Aren’t you just a little bit embarrassed?#this is a vague about my graduate cohort lol don’t mind me#I have increasingly little patience for grad students who refuse to engage with anything even slightly abstract or dense#you are literally in a social science graduate program. That is like one of the primary tasks you need to do in grad school#If you want to engage with it for the purposes of critique that is completely acceptable#but seeing a word you don’t know and immediately quitting and dismissing it as useless nonsense is not going to get you very far#we have to read Capital for our comps lol. what are you gonna do then
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13 - 14.11.23
Work was pretty easygoing today and yesterday, I've been retrying a troublesome cloning process several times but not feeling overly frustrated about it; and I think we might be getting to the bottom of the problem now. The main thing is my boyfriend has been visiting over the weekend and until this morning, so I wasn't feeling very bothered about work! I think that's probably a good thing actually. Being in a new city means my life outside of work can feel a bit small still, so it's so good to have someone familiar around to energise me and fill up all my free time so it counterbalances the work, and make me extra motivated to get home and get on with what feels like the best/more important way to spend time! ❤️
27/100 days of productivity
#I'm sure my enthusiasm and love of phd work is going to grow#as I get more invested and move onto new rotations and then my real main project especially#but atm life can feel a bit quiet still. I still need to put roots down and fill up my weekends and evenings with more#social and hobby activities#but when he's here then :-) we just have so much we wanna do and it feels so so happy to just pack in loads of fun#even when it's just lowkey stuff like watching a film - but more dynamic and exciting to do it together and chat animatedly about everythin#:)#phd life#studyblr#my work#work life balance#motivation#studyblr aesthetic#autumn#phd#phdblr#gradblr
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Because I'm clearly so very normal about the Cosplay Pikachu I've also decided to drag them into Pokemon Horizons and make my Horizon's S/I also very normal about them.
But in order to do that I had to think of backstories, personalities, professions, and character details about all of them. Because I'm so normal. About them. So here's all that.
Rock Star
Lead singer of an all Electric type rock band known as as The Asteroids, originally from Galar. The band consists of her, Toxtricity High-Key and Low-Key on Guitar and Bass respectively, Electivier on Keyboard/Synth, and Alex the human on Drums. Alex is also their manager and stage hand, he is not any of the band member's trainer. The band is currently looking for a Pokemon drummer. None of the band members have nicknames, though for some reason Kantonese fans commonly call Pikachu "Comet".
Belle
Also know as Lady Pikablue, Belle serves as the Master of Kalos' Battle Chateau and one of if not it's strongest residing Pokemon. Lady Pikablue may appear frail and sweet, but she is rather the force to be reckoned with. She is famous for her regal battling style and careful movements, she's never once torn a dress or even so much as lost her hat during a battle. Her calm gracious exterior has earned her many suitors, but she has famously turned them all down cold.
Pop Star
Previously a member of the idol group Chuu <3, Chu-Chu has sense started a solo career out of her home region of Hoenn. It's unclear if she simply had a falling out with her previous group or just got tired of sharing the spot light, but sense taking center stage Chu-Chu has been The Poke Idol of the moment, selling out venues and winning contests, all without a trainer at her side. She's still rather new on the idol scene, but it doesn't seem her fame will be petering out anytime soon.
PhD
In Kanto there is a famous Doctor who's work and study far exceeds what many other professionals would see as possible. Despite her Brutal honestly and Antisocial tendencies, this doctor has cracked case after case of medical mystery. This famously brilliant professor... Is a Pikachu?! Professor Pikachu is a hit Medical Drama television show staring famous Pikachu Actress, Terry Volt! Catch it live, New Episodes Wednesday night at 7pm!
Libre
Pika Libre appeared at the Battle Dome just a year after it's construction in the Alola region and challenged the Masked Royal directly in the middle of an on going match, and sense then has returned regularly to battle and climb the ranks to face the Masked Royal for the championship again and again. She's become a fan favorite amongst the locals, earning a larger, more dedicated crowed then any other challenger. She's best known for her extra flair and showmanship. No one knows where she goes when the match ends.
#Long Post#Cosplay Pikachu#I JUST THINK#THEY'RE NEAT#and my Horizon's S/I is a huge fan of all of them#They're like. Celebrity crushes#Mostly Comet and the Asteroids they're so cool <3#It took me a bit to figure out what to do with PhD...#I wanted to keep the theme of them all being performers without it being ALL contests#And then I was like... What if House but a Pikachu#PG rated House#Anyway. Feels good to get all the thoughts on these gals out of my head#I'm just.#I'm having like Baby Fever. But for Pikachu#And that's very dangerous.#Thankyou for reading if you did!
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Lol, presented at a conference last year for my company who let me go two months ago because I called out their poor management and that same conference found out I had been let go, canceled their contract with my former employer, and sought me out because they liked me so much. I also never signed a non-compete clause so 🥰
#I also got a raise at my job which I love to bits#like it’s a dream job#so not only did I leave the most stressful job of my life#but I found a better one that respects me#and I’m still getting booked to do speaking engagements#all while going for my PhD#fuck anyone who doubted me 🥰
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...
#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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well i may be working on these applications extremely slowly but at least i'm working on them extremely slowly far(ish) in advance 👍
#first one is due in a month#and on the one hand i am Stressed#because i'll be a little bit emotionally devastated if i don't pull this off on account of#1) i want to get paid to study my little postage stamp of history for at least the next 4-6 years and hopefully the rest of my life#and 2) my ego#but on the other hand it's like. i can live a perfectly fine life without getting a phd. in fact most people do#so it feels simultaneously very high and low stakes
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I applied for a new job today 😩
#don't even know if I want to/feel ready to leave my current job#kinda not honestly#idk I had a lil breakdown a few weeks back and was like what if I did nothing for 6 months?#yeah I was fed up with the rigidness of my job and so jealous of the flexibility of my boyfriend's job#I feel bad leaving my job for me because it's such a perfect fit for my Italian studies#like I managed to find a job where my ''''useless'''' language studies actually are 100% crucial#and idk it just feels ungrateful to myself to leave?#nah idk I don't think I'm done with this job just yet#good thing I think I botched the personal statement of this application jesus#oh well we'll see#like I kinda don't want to get called for an interview so I don't have to mention it to my boss or think about it at all#ughh it's like I know I can get better than what I have but I also do kinda like this job#but also it's probably going to change a lot within this next year for different reasons so that's also something to consider#at least a colleague of mine told me people usually only stay in my post for 1.5-2 years so I feel a bit less bad about wanting to leave#but like where else in Sweden am I going to find a job where I can use Italian as my main working language?#I only see a phd as another option#idk maybe I should start ponder about that instead?#idk man#snicksnack
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oh yeah remembered something let me mentally scream into a pillow real quick
#unfortunately i learned that mr knight is STILL INTERESTED IN ME#and is handling like. everything very poorly#as in. he's confused that i 'refused' to make conversation with him when he last tried to say hi to me (mutual friend told me yesterday)#(insert blood-curling scream of frustration)#MY BROTHER IN CHRIST NODDING YOUR HEAD AND GRUNTING IS NOT A CONVERSATION STARTER#HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU WERE TRYING TO START A CONVERSATION#also I WILL talk if you talk to me because my mother raised me to have BASIC MANNERS AROUND PEOPLE#but it doesn't MEAN I *WANT* TO TALK TO YOU#okay okay im good im good i'm just exasperated#you could not pay me to date that boy again#i just remembered recently that i spent two hours writing him a five page letter last valentine's day telling him that i loved him#and i never got a response. I NEVER GOT A RESPONSE#THE ONLY THING HE SENT ME IN RETURN WAS A MEME HE FOUND ON FACEBOOK WITH NO ELABORATION WHATSOEVER#even if you paid me enough money to get me through two masters and a phd to date him I WOULDN'T#okay that's a bit cruel maybe but still. i would not. under no circumstances#not to whinge again about the State of Things#BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THESE ROMANCE RELATED THINGS IN FEBRUARY. WHY#slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21
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bad news: i have to work like every weekend this month
good news: i’ll be a coauthor on a paper and thus have a publication before i submit grad school applications
mediocre news: it wont be my project’s paper
#(by every weekend i mean like 7 days a week sitch)#a bit ago i was literally complaining about how its frustrating i wont publish before i have to apply to phd programs#and then like two hrs later my PI pulled me into his office and was like if you take care of these revision experiments u can be on paper#(mediocre news meaning that the paper i get out before applications wont be for the project that im actually spearheading)#the other reason im super busy is that i was volunteered to do two important talks#which also is awesome but now i need to put those together#i still get presentation anxiety but i used to be awful presenter and now apparently ive improved enough to get volun-told to speak#so its all good busy!
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actually the worst part about the desire to leave this house is that i feel homesick for vancouver more than anything... it's just not feasible and won't be for the foreseeable future - certainly not on a grad student stipend - but god if i don't feel intense longing about it 😔
#at the same time i would really like to live abroad before i get too entrenched in a career#do i necessarily want a phd? not really... but i would do it if i could just fuck off for a bit lmao
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So close to snap at my flatmate for her complaining about her "PhD struggles" right now.
By today she has one PhD position for sure (she doesn't really want it), was asked to apply for two other ones (one which she really wants and has good chances of getting) and could apply for a fourth one which she'd get as well.
#jojo rambles#like girl you chose this path yourself#and I get that one of these is your dream but maybe just once ask how I'm doing#I have stopped talking about anything personally to her weeks ago#cuz it always ended up with her talking only about her problems#which sometimes are a bit ridicilous...like her weekly meetings with her supervisors#i had around 7 meetings with my supervisor in total and only one with both of them#and friends of mine barely get a reply to their emails#she hasn't even commented on me finishing my thesis#I have not yet told her of my new job because of that#nor that my father is in hospital#gaaaah its so annoying#and she does not see how much support she gets#her one supervisor basically created a PhD position for her#she can always ask her father for academic advice cuz he is not only a professor but also a vice dean
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why do i have an almost date tomorrow 😬
#its a video call but i metna guybin a dating app i joined today#we're probably not very well matched he's clearly a genius and an overachiever#he lives really far away but he's moving close by to get his PhD next year#and he's a lawyer#i didn't ask but he's probably getting his phd at one of the fancy ivy league schools in the area 😭#he sent me an op-ed he published and everything#he's two years younger than me and achieved more than i ever will in my life hopefully he doesn't think im lame and dumb lol#i probably couldn't make it work bc of how badly ive done in school and life he will probably think im stupid :(#but he seems nice so far tho he was clearly disappointed my eyes were brown 😆#anyway lawyer doctor may be out of my barely graduated high school and community college now currently unemployed league#lol#but we'll see#in all seriousness he's probably too intense and overachieving i need a laid back chill person lol#also he's moving a tiny bit fast? hard to tell but i dont have much experience online dating idk lol#anyway wish me luck i wasn't expecting an instant date after joining the app lol ✌️😅#also he works forna charity#and i garuntee he's going to harvard or something for his phd thats the only reason to leave his current area to do it in massachusetts#i was literally like this guy cant be real but he is lol
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