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tightjeansjavi · 11 months ago

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Slow Hands | Chapter 10

“the lone moose”

A/N: disclaimer before we get into this chapter, this is a very emotionally/mentally heavy chapter that might not be suitable for everyone. The main topic of this chapter and the next is focused around Joel’s attempted suicide and Tommy’s C-PTSD. This content maybe triggering for some, and if that is the case, please do not read if you feel triggered. Warnings will be marked appropriately. Take care of yourselves first. And as always, a huge thanks to my beta @angelofsmalldeath-codeine 🤍

~word count: 6.9k~

Summary: the wolves of Jackson are lurking

Pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: !DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT! thoughts of suicide, semi-graphic depictions of attempted suicide, brief moment of stigmatizing suicide (Tommy’s reaction) canon-typical violence, graphic depiction of an injury, semi-graphic depictions of childloss (and the trauma that comes with it) angst, grief, guilt, anxiety, heavy topics, anger, overwhelming emotions, C-PTSD responses, fear responses, no age gap, readers nicknames is Beanie (coffee beans) +18 minors DNI! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING!!

Slow Hands Masterlist

Two days had passed since Joel and Ellie took the steps together to make up. Joel already had a visible pep in his step, and a lightness in his eyes that Tommy hadn’t seen in his brother for over 20 years. Joel’s back still ached, but the pain was subdued.

Patrol was long and uneventful. The two brothers only had a handful of evidence gathered to present to Maria, but neither would give up hope. After untacking Tex and Timber, Joel and Tommy turned both horses out in one of pastures just outside the stables. Tess was grazing alongside the fence when Timber and Tex went to greet her.

A wave of melancholy washed over his features as he watched Tex and Tess nuzzle one another affectionately. He thought of you, of course.

“Hey, Joel?” Tommy asked alongside him with his arms resting along the wooden fence. “Y’wanna have a drink with me real quick at the Tipsy Bison before y’head home?” He rasped softly.

“I’d love to, but I promised Ellie we’d have a movie night tonight. Can’t go and let her down, y’know? How about tomorrow?” Joel suggested with a grin.

“Ah, movie night with the kiddo. Hey, I think that’s great that y’all are movin’ forward. Tomorrow sounds good.” Tommy responded with a genuine smile. It was a relief that he and Joel were growing close again. He missed his brother terribly.

“Yeah, and Beanie as well. I let Ellie pick out the movie. Think she said we were gonna watch Curtis and Viper 2.” Joel stifled a chuckle as he glanced down at the toe of his boots.

“Aw shit, that’s a good one! Well, you enjoy yourself, okay? Adios, big brother. See ya in the mornin.’” Tommy reached over and gave Joel a side hug before he pushed himself off the fence.

“See ya in the mornin, Tommy.” Joel mumbled to himself with a smile slowly creeping over his lips. Truthfully, he was rather excited for this movie night with you and Ellie. He couldn’t picture a better way to spend his evening than with his two favorite girls.

“Hey, Tex? Y’keep a good eye on your gal tonight. Y’hear? I’ll see ya in the mornin’, pal.” He spoke softly as his horse lifted his head from where he was grazing. He let out a snort in response as his tail swished away at the pesky flies.

The weight of Tommy’s letter in Joel’s pocket felt ten times heavier than when Joel first had written it. He thought about making a quick pit stop at the Tipsy Bison to give it to him, but tomorrow was a new day. He’d give the letter to Tommy first thing in the morning.

Ellie’s carved wooden fawn was tucked away in the inside pocket of his flannel. He brought it on patrol to show Tommy, and because he liked having a piece of his baby girl with him. Tonight he’d give her the gift, and to you, his precious star, something that twinkled like the night sky; matching charm bracelets. Two golden hearts dangling from the chains. Appearing brand new, untouched. The names Peggy carved into one, and Steve into the other. Lovers from the past, and now lovers in the present.

He couldn’t wait to see the look on your pretty face when he would present the bracelet to you. He said one last goodbye to the horses. He’d pass by your home en route to his own as he usually did every evening after patrol. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until he noticed a figure looming in the distance. He squinted his eyes through the harsh rays of the setting sun. He approached the figure with cautious steps.

As far as he was concerned, no one ever hung around your home like this. It raised suspicions immediately. His boots crunched under loose dirt as the figure stopped their pacing and seemed to pause in thought.

“Cody?” Joel’s tone ran cold, edged with a sharp suspicion as his footsteps stopped a foot away. A balmy breeze sifted through his salt and pepper streaked tendrils.

The younger man looked around for a moment as the gears in Joel’s brain began to work on overdrive. He knew Cody, or so he thought. He believed Cody was a good man. They shared many meals, conversations—

“Have y’seen Beanie around by chance?” Cody asked casually as he ignored the obvious suspicion that Joel was facing.

Joel’s hackles raised on instinct as he watched Cody lean up against your fence with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Haven’t seen her since this mornin.’” Joel responded flatly. He knew right then and there that he had to play this cool for the time being. He didn’t need Cody knowing that he was onto him.

“Right. Well, thanks anyway, old man.” Cody muttered the last bit as he turned on his heel to walk away.

“What’re you doin’ hangin’ around her place anyway? Y’know I could have you—”

“Reported? Yeah, sure you can. What would you even report me for, Miller? Cody scoffed. “All you had to do was not get yourself involved. Coulda just kept your nose out of things, but that’s not how you play your game, right?” He turned to face the older man once more just as a distinctive crash was heard from inside of your home.

Joel moved quickly, but Cody was quicker. Stronger, and trigger happy.

Cody was pouncing on the older man like a predator does to their prey. They tousled in the dusty dirt before Cody had him pinned down. His fists rained down on Joel’s face and the pained groans only seemed to spur Cody on further.

“Just had to go and get yourself involved with that fuckin’ cunt, huh?!”

Joel tried to fold his arms over his head to block out the swift punches to his face. Cody was ruthless, and Joel wasn’t as strong as he once was. Years ago he would have snapped Cody like a toothpick, but his age was beginning to catch up with him and this was the result.

Through gritted teeth Joel attempted to use his weight to throw Cody off of him, but it was no use. “I’ll fuckin’ kill every last one of you. I’ll rip you limb from fuckin’ limb and scatter your remains to the wolves—”He growled.

“Yeah? And how do you propose you’re gonna do that, Joel? Y’ain’t the one with the upper hand here, old man! You’re not takin’ this from me! Imagine how proud he’ll be when I not only bring in the moose, but your precious Beanie too.” He sneered conceitedly.

That’s all Joel needed to get a second wind of adrenaline coursing through his veins. He growled between his teeth as he used what little remaining strength he had left to force Cody off of him. He was reaching for his concealed pistol tucked in his belt loop under his shirt, when Cody kicked it from his grasp just as the two men inside of your home came rushing out.

“Jesus! fuck, Cody! What the hell are you doin?’ This wasn’t part of the plan!” The one man, a burly fellow with scarred tissue from third degree burns that covered nearly half of the left side of his face yelled urgently. Through the rushing of blood, and pain stabbing every inch of Joel’s face, he recognized this man too. He recognized the man next to him as well, smaller in stature, but stocky. Alex and Oliver.

“Fuck the plan! I’m not gonna waste this opportunity!” He sent the heel of his boot right into Joel’s gut causing him to double over into the crimson speckled dirt with a pain ridden grunt. “Well?!” He threw his hands up in the air. “Was she in there or not?!”

Alex and Oliver slowly looked over at one another before their shoulders simultaneously slumped inward. “No, but—”

“FUCK!” Cody snarled out of sheer frustration. He couldn’t let him down. He was told he couldn’t show up empty handed. It wasn’t an option.

Just as Joel’s fingers weakly grasped the handle of his pistol, that lay only a short arms distance away, Cody sent his boot right into his face. There was a sickening crunching sound of bone matter and cartilage being crushed as Joel’s body stilled. He was knocked out cold from the impact as blood leaked down his face and soaked into the dusty earth beneath him.

Neither men moved as Cody began to pace in contemplation. He paid no mind to the consequences he would face for his actions.

“Cody, we need to get the fuck outta town right fuckin’ now! If anyone sees—”

“And show up empty handed?! Fuck no.”

“Cody, she wasn’t there. We have no fuckin’ clue where she could be. C’mon, let’s just go back and regroup before someone shows up and finds Joel layin’ in a pool of his own blood.”

Cody ignored his counterparts as he continued to pace in a tight circle. He suddenly stopped when the lightbulb went off in his sick mind. He turned towards the two men, with a smirk that could only be described as sinister, “Angie.”

Ellie was curled up against your body with her cheek pressed gently into your shoulder. Her eyes flickered towards the windows in the family room. She watched the last bit of sunlight dip behind the horizon as a warm summer breeze blew through the beige curtains.

Joel should have been home by now.

She waited with alert ears for the sound of the front door to squeak open any minute now. It never came.

She shifted against you before your gazes met. “Beanie, he should have been home by now.”

You understood full heartedly that this movie night was important to Ellie. This was the first time that she and Joel were going to be spending some quality time together after everything they had gone through. This was a big deal.

“Kiddo, I’m sure he’s on his way now. Maybe he and Tommy just got caught up in something?” You wanted to reassure her and yourself that Joel was in fact on his way, and maybe he was just running late.

“Beanie..he—promised. What if he’s ditchin’ me? God, this was so stupid.” She went to bury her hands in her face, but you stopped her.

“Ellie, he’s not ditching you. He would never do that to you. He loves you. I’m sure he’s just running late is all.” Your own fears began to crawl up into your subconscious. What if something was wrong? What if something had happened?

Ellie wanted to believe you, she really did, but her own fears were making an appearance as well. It didn’t help the fact that her last conversation with Joel had been about his suspicions of Lucas..

“I’m gonna go check the stables, okay? You stay here. Lock the doors.” Ellie was up from her spot on the couch before you could even attempt to stop her.

“Ellie,” you started, voice wavering from the building nerves, “be careful, okay?”

The teen looked over at you with a small, yet confident grin, “Always am.” Her face twisted back to a serious one as she tucked her gun in her hoodie pocket. Joel surely would have scolded her if he had seen it.

You listened to the soft click of the door opening and closing. Your eyes drifted over to the unoccupied spot on the couch where one of the pillows was smashed down. Joel’s spot. .

Please. Please just be running late.

Please be okay, Joel.

Tommy found himself reminiscing on the good ole days as he nursed his glass of beer. Condensation dripped down the outside of the glass like tear drops on cheeks. The noisy chatter that encircled him was drowned out by his thoughts. Joel had always been the protector, the planner, the guardian. And as a young boy, Tommy viewed Joel as his hero. His own beacon of light through the darkness. And when Sarah died? It all changed. He was angry. At the world. At himself. And now, here in this peaceful community, he was getting to see those small glimpses of the old Joel that had laid dormant for so many years.

The Joel that he knew and loved so deeply.

He left his glass half empty as he said his goodbyes to some of the patrol guys, and the barkeep before he walking towards the door.

He was heading in the direction of the home he shared with Maria when he noticed a mass laying just outside your home. He thought that his brain was playing a cruel trick on him, and the approaching dusk might have also played a role in what he was seeing.

Gravel and dirt particles crunched beneath his heavy boots as he started his approach. As he drew nearer, he was able to make out the outline of a body. And, oh—god

Tommy remembers the moment he heard the shot ring through Joel’s house as if it had happened just yesterday. While he gathered supplies in the garage, his big brother was upstairs with the barrel of a revolver pressed against his temple.

How could Tommy not have known? How could he have missed the signs? The indications that Joel was thinking of taking a drastic measure to end his life. How could he have missed it?

“Joel!” A younger Tommy Miller yelled in fear. He threw down the tool box in a haste. Tools of all shapes and sizes clattered to the concrete in a harsh crescendo.

“Joel! Please, no. Please.” He chanted weakly under his breath as his feet carried him up the staircase. He stumbled on the top step as a wave of nausea made its presence known.

“Joel!” He yelled again, more desperately than the last. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his brother so soon. He couldn’t. Not when just days ago they laid Sarah to rest. He couldn’t do this without Joel.

Sweat pooled at the back of his neck the closer he drew to the ajar opening of Sarah’s bedroom. He held onto the wall for support as his knees began to inevitably buckle from the dread crawling up his throat.

“Joel.” He croaked, “please. Please be alive in there.”

With a shaky breath, and through a mess of tears, Tommy pushed open Sarah’s bedroom door.

“I missed.” Joel murmured in disbelief. Disappointed that he couldn’t just do one thing fucking right. He couldn’t just follow through with his promise. His final wish to be with his daughter. His baby girl.

His palms trembled as his dull brown eyes flitted down to the revolver still in his grasp. He paid no mind to the blood slowly trickling from the right side of his head. Just a graze. Missed completely.

“Joel, what the fuck did you do that for?” Tommy wasn’t sure if he should laugh, cry, yell, all of the above? “You’re bleedin’, brother.”

“Oh.” Joel responded flatly. He brought his fingers up towards the right side of his head. He hardly flinched when his fingertips dragged through the flowing blood. He brought his hand back down to his eye level, fingers soaked in crimson. Then, the ringing started. Tommy’s voice started to sound fuzzy from the right side. “I flinched, Tommy. Thought I could do it. I was so sure—”

“Joel. Stop it, please.” Tommy nearly begged his brother as he cautiously moved in closer.

“I wanted to die, Tommy. I ain’t have anythin’ left to live for.” He refused to make eye contact with his brother purely out of shame.

“Killin’ yourself ain’t gonna bring Sarah back, Joel. Its fuckin’ selfish that you—” His words were bitter, jaded, sharpened with intent to harm. “I fuckin’ need you, Joel. I need my big brother to keep us alive. Is he still in there?” He pointed to Joel’s chest, symbolizing his heart.

When Joel finally brought his chin upwards to face his brother, the look on his sunken features shattered Tommy right down to the core. A broken man, father, brother. The same man that helped Tommy with his homework. The same man that taught him how to ride a bike. The same man that Tommy viewed as his hero. Where was he now?

“He died along with her.”

“Joel!” Tommy felt his voice get lodged in his throat at the sight of his older brother laying motionless in the crimson stained dirt. Panic began to swell and fester like an untreated wound the second his eyes landed on Joel’s handgun just an arms length away.

“No. No. Please— what happened, Joel!” He sank to his knees alongside him. “We were just—talkin’ about how much you were lookin’ forward to the movie night with Ellie and Beanie, remember? You said that you would see me in the mornin’, dammit!” He yelled, slamming one of his fists in the dirt before he took a shaky inhale. “Remember?”

He wouldn’t hurt himself, would he? The thought flashed through his mind briefly. He remembered finding Joel in a pool of his own blood after Sarah died. Tommy brushed away strands of Joel’s hair that were congealed together with blood. His brows furrowed intently when he found there was no bullet hole in Joel’s skull before he pressed his middle and pointer finger right against Joel’s pulse point.

Please. Please. Please still be in there, Joel.

When the faintest pulse was detected, Tommy let out a visible sound of relief. His big brother was alive, but Tommy knew he had to act fast.

“S’alright, big brother. You’re alright. Gonna get you fixed up.” He murmured to himself just as he heard approaching footsteps.

“Tommy?..” It was Ellie. Her voice wavered at the sight of her uncle and father on the ground. “J—Joel?!” Her eyes were wide with oncoming tears brimming when she locked in on Joel’s unmoving body.

“Tommy, wh—what the fuck happened?!” She blinked away her tears just as Tommy stood up from the ground. “Is he fuckin’ dead, Tommy?!”

“Ellie, I don’t know what happened. I was on my way home and—found him like this. He’s alive, kiddo. He’s alive, but we gotta get him to doc right away.” Tommy never felt like he was all that great at taking on the protective role, but his niece needed his comfort and reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

Ellie wasn’t listening to a word Tommy was saying. All she could focus on was Joel’s bloodied face and still body. Her emotions were consuming her entirely before she felt Tommy’s warm embrace wrapping her up. She let her tears soak into his shirt as she clung to him for dear life.

“Ellie, I know you’re scared, kiddo. But I need ya to be strong for me, and for Joel. We gotta get him to doc right now. I need you to help me carry him okay?” He spoke in a soft tone, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “He’s gonna be just fine. Your old man has always been a fighter.”

She squeezed her uncle tightly before pulling away from his embrace. She wiped what remained of her tears away on the sleeve of her shirt. “I’ll—I’ll take his legs?” She questioned rather than suggested. Seeing Joel like this, bloodied, weak, on the verge of—

“Ellie, he’ll be okay.” Tommy firmly reassured her again. He bent down over his brother and gently hoisted him up under his armpits while Ellie lifted him up by his legs.

Joel felt like dead weight, but his brother and daughter’s determination helped them power through the dull ache and strain in their muscles.

Tommy hated hospitals just as much, if not more than his brother did. The pungent stench of bleach, the droning hum from the overhead fluorescent lights. It was unappealing, cold, and overall a dreadful experience. But out of all of the late night visits to the ER after another bar fight, this by far was the worst of all to see his brother unconscious, dried blood crusted on his skin. Yet appearing peaceful while Doc checked his vitals and any signs of internal injuries

Ellie was seated next to her uncle nervously fidgeting with her fingers. Her leg was bouncing up and down frantically, until Tommy gently placed his palm over her knee in an attempt to soothe her.

“Well, he might have a bit of bruisin’ to his ribs, and his nose is definitely broken, but it’ll heal. There’s a chance he might be concussed, but I won’t know that for certain until he wakes up.” Doc said while tucking his clipboard under his armpit.

“I’ll stay here till he wakes up. Don’t want him wakin’ up alone.” Tommy said with a slight nod in Doc’s direction.

“I’m staying, too.” Ellie was defiant, of course. It was in her nature, and she couldn’t fathom not being by her dads side—

“Ellie, I’m gonna go and find someone to walk you home, okay? One of the guys on patrol..maybe a couple, given the circumstances.” He needed to make sure his niece got home in one piece, first and foremost.

Ellie clenched her fists, lips pressed tightly together as her eyes met Tommy’s in an intense stare. He could see residue of dried tears on her cheeks, and fresh ones beginning to brew like an oncoming storm. “Tommy,” she started, voice low, yet stern. “I’m not fuckin’ leaving him. I’m not. You can’t—”

“Ellie, I know you want to stay here with him too, but somethin’ about this ain’t right. You and I both know that there’s been some suspicious activity happenin’ as of late. Joel is goin’ to be okay, kiddo. He’s as stubborn as a mule.”

Her lower lip wobbled under the bright fluorescent light. She wanted to be angry at her uncle for telling her what she needed to do, but he was right, and there really wasn’t another second to waste. “Don’t you dare even think of leavin’ his side, Tommy. Don’t you dare.” She wiped her eyes along the back of her hand before making the final decision to get up from where she was sitting.

“I won’t, kiddo. I promise.” Tommy reassured her.

She walked over to the right side of the bed where Joel was lying and gently ran her fingers through a few stray curls that were stuck to his forehead. Dried sweat, dirt, and blood littered his hair and face. She leaned down, whispering something while she pressed her lips to his temple, squeezing her eyes shut.

Please don’t die.

Tommy left the room to give Ellie a bit of privacy. He flagged down a nurse in the hallway and quickly explained that he needed someone to ensure Ellie safely got home. It was decided that two patrol members would escort her home.

When Tommy returned, he was with Jesse and Liam waiting outside the open doorway.

“Ellie?”

Her head snapped in the direction of Tommy’s voice as she quickly wiped away the remnants of her tears.

“Jesse and Liam are gonna make sure you get home safe. Okay, kiddo?”

“Sure.” She muttered. Agreeing with her uncle didn’t mean that she had to act happy about it. Despite her feelings, she made a point to hug her uncle before she left the room.

Don’t leave him. She reminded him.

Sunlight warms his skin, birds chirping in the high treetops, a soft breeze rustles through his hair, kissing his temple. He knows this place, where he stands. It’s—

“baby girl?” He chokes out, stumbling forward in an uncoordinated motion.

She’s there. She’s alive. She’s got daisies in her curls.

“Dad?”

He nearly drops to his knees right at the spot where he and Tommy dug her grave all those years ago. He stops in his tracks as she turns around to face him. She’s wearing the same clothes that she died in, except there’s no blood. No bullet wounds. She’s untouched. Bright, glowing under the rays of sunlight.

“Are you really here? C-can I hold you? Are those daisies in your hair? Baby girl, I’m so sorry.” The words tumble past his lips like an avalanche of word vomit. His heart lurches in his chest, leaping from the confines of his ribcage.

Sarah’s feet carry her swiftly to her father before she’s wrapping her arms around his middle, hugging him tightly with her cheek pressed firmly against his chest. “I’m really here, dad.” She squeezes her eyes shut.

Joel’s arms wrap around her immediately, hugging her to his chest as tightly as he can, he’s trembling, tears blurring his vision, dripping down his cheeks and landing softly on her head of curls. He pulls away only to gently cradle her face in his strong, calloused, gentle hands.

She’s here. She’s alive. His baby girl.

“Dad..you—you remembered our favorite spot?” Her smile is beautiful, radiant, full of life.

“Of course I did. Our hikes, the fresh air. We—we loved it out here. I—I never forgot. Baby girl, I haven’t forgotten you. I—I think about you everyday. I’m so sorry. I miss you..I miss you so much.”

Her hands come to rest against the patches of his now graying beard. “Dad, you don’t have to apologize. I’m okay, I’m happy. I miss you too, dad. I miss you so much, but Ellie, she needs you. I’ll always wait for you, I promise. I’m always going to be right here.” She drops one of her hands from his face to then point to his heart. “I’m always with you.”

His face falls as his thumbs gently stroke her cheekbones. He’s not ready to leave, not yet. Not so soon. Too soon. He needs more time. Time. Time. Time.

Ellie.

“You—you would have loved her, baby girl. She reminds me so much of you. Her smile, her laugh. I see you in her. She’s—she’s my blessing. My second chance..my light in the darkness.” He sniffles, leaning down so he can press his lips to her forehead.

“And she needs you more than ever now, dad. She needs you. You have to forgive yourself, okay? Please promise me that one day, you will forgive yourself, dad. Promise me.”

“I promise you, baby girl. I promise. Daddy loves you, okay? He loves you so much.” There’s so much more he wants to say, so much more he wants to tell her, but there’s not enough time. He knows it.

“Dad, I love you so much. Tell Tommy I miss him too, okay? I’ll see you again one day, when the time is right.” She hugs him one last time as he buries his face into her mess of curls, holding in his sobs as more tears begin to fall.

“When the time is right, baby girl.” He murmurs.

—

“Well, brother. Guess it’s jus’ you and me now, huh?” Tommy wants to laugh, but he can’t. His emotions are all fucked. Everything is so fucked.

“That kid of yours really loves the hell outta ya. You’re like two feral cats.” He continues, forcing himself to stand and walk over to his brother's bedside. “And I know how much you love her.” He murmurs as he glances down at the nightstand where the contents of Joel’s pockets are laid out.

The two charm bracelets, the wood carving of a fawn for Ellie, and a folded piece of paper now tarnished with blood and debris.

“One of these for Beanie?” He asks while gently picking up one of the charm bracelets. “I’m so happy you listened to my advice and went to her coffee shop. I jus’ had this feelin’ that you two would hit it off.”

“You love her, huh? Like..really love her? I’m glad, Joel. I’m glad that you’re finally allowin’ yourself to love, and be loved. If anyone in this fucked up world deserves that, it’s you.”

He sets down the charm bracelet alongside the other before he picks up the wood carved fawn. One of the delicate ears had broken off during the fight, but it was fixable. “Ellie is going to love this when she sees it. You’ve always been..a giver, Joel.. Always thinkin’ of others before yourself. Puttin’ your heart out on the line. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but I’m so grateful that you met Ellie when you did. You saved her, but she saved you just as much. Turned that cold heart of yours into somethin’ good again.”

He placed the fawn down gently before he eyed the folded piece of paper. “Y’still writin’ those letters? Have they been helpin?’ Y’know, I thought about writin’ a couple myself.”

Something in his gut tells him that this letter..is meant for him.

He swallowed the lump rising in his throat as he reached for the piece of paper and picked it up with trembling fingers. He sees his name written on the outside, and his vision goes blurry with tears. “You..were gonna give this to me tomorrow when we said we were gonna meet at the Tipsy Bison?”

He slowly sinks down along the side of the bed, unfolds the letter and begins to read it silently.

Tommy, this is the third letter I have written thus far, so hopefully this comes across the way I have intended it to. Ever since we were just two little boys scraping our knees up on the playground, telling each other secrets, and holding each other tight when mom and dad would argue into the odd hours of the night, I always found myself being protective over you. I ain’t even sure if it had anything to do with age, and more to do with the fact that it’s been instilled in me since birth that I'm a natural protector. I’d do anything to keep you safe.

I’ve never told anyone this, but the day you told me that you wanted to join the army, and make a difference in the world, I wept. I soaked my pillow with my tears that very same evening cus’ I realized I couldn’t protect you anymore. You were eighteen, and ready to take on the world. Selfishly, I didn’t want you to go, and I know that war changed you. I know what it did to you, and you were no longer the little boy hiding under the covers from the thunder and lightning. You were molded into a man right before my eyes, but you’ve always been my little brother, and ain’t nothin’ gonna change that.

I know you blame yourself for the night that we lost Sarah. I still remember the grief in your eyes. You tried so hard. So fuckin’ hard, and I’m so sorry for what I became after she died.

A stray teardrop fell along the thin paper as the word ‘died’ began to blur from the sudden moisture.

You literally had to pry her cold body from my arms because I refused to let go. Even when we dug her a shallow grave near the woods she loved to hike in, you had to stop me from crawling into that goddamn hole with her.

24 hours. 1 day since the outbreak. 1 day without his baby girl

“She’ll be happy here, Joel. She gets to rest in her favorite place.” Tommy murmured as he set the shovels down next to the grass covered earth that would soon be dug up to create a shallow grave for Sarah to finally be laid to rest. The younger Miller brother hid his grieving behind a stoic face. He didn’t want Joel to see how much pain he was in. He wanted to be the strong one for once in his life, especially since he blamed himself for Sarah's death. If only he had been there sooner. If only he had acted quicker, maybe she would still be alive.

Joel was unmoving as he held his deceased daughter, who had long since grown cold and stiff in his arms. She was wrapped in a sheet, as Joel couldn’t bear to see her unmoving eyes any longer. He had shed his last tears, as he watched his brother begin to dig a shallow grave. As the minutes ticked by, Joel was realizing that after Sarah was to be buried, he no longer would be a father, and the thought made him feel queasy. What did he have to live for if he was no longer a parent? What was the point?

“Tommy..” Joel croaked, “I–can’t let her go.” He choked up as the weight of the world was beginning to press down on his shoulders. He held Sarah close to his heart where his chin came to rest upon her covered head. “Tommy, we–”

“Joel, we have to let her go. Brother, please. She’s gone, and there’s nothing we can do to bring her back. I’m sorry.” He was. If he could go back in time and take Sarah’s place, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Joel’s eyes began to glaze over with fresh tears as he began to frantically whisper to Sarah as if she could hear him from the other side. “S’okay baby girl. You’re okay. Daddy has you, and he’ll see you soon. I promise. I’m coming for you, baby girl.” He pressed a firm, promising kiss to her covered head before he slowly lowered himself onto his knees along the edge of the hole in the dirt. He could feel stomach acid rise up his throat at the thought of the earth, and mother nature consuming his baby girl. He wanted to go with her.

Tommy watched with a heavy heart as he watched his older brother gently place his baby girl into the shallow grave. His own tears began to silently fall as images of a newborn Sarah flashed in his mind. He remembered the pure joy and love that radiated from Joel the moment he got to hold his daughter for the first time. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

As Tommy willed himself to begin shoveling the dirt he dug up into the grave, he watched in horror as his grief-stricken brother nearly had crawled into the hole. He dropped the shovel in a haste as he grabbed ahold of the underside of Joel’s shoulders and yanked him back.

The soul-shaking, torturous, anguished sound that cascaded from Joel’s mouth, was one that chilled Tommy’s blood. It could only be described as a grieving parent refusing to let their only child go.

Tommy still has nightmares of it.

I’m sorry I put you through that. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t just fuckin’ pull myself together for both of us. I know how scared you were, Tommy. I was scared too. I was terrified. I was supposed to be the big brother then. The one who had all the answers. Who could come up with a plan at the drop of a hat to keep his little brother alive. Instead, you had to fill that position. You stepped into that role because I gave you no other choice. If you didn’t force me to leave that spot where she died, I would have rotted there with her. I never thought for a moment about the pain that you were feeling. I lost a daughter that night, but you lost a niece, and a brother all in one night.

48 hours. 2 days since the outbreak. 2 days without his baby girl.

It was Tommy’s idea for him and Joel to return home to gather up as much food and supplies they could get their hands on. Joel was apprehensive, but Tommy reassured him that they wouldn’t have to stay long. So, Joel reluctantly agreed. Their neighborhood was dead silent with no signs of life to be found. The bombs that the government had dropped only impacted the major cities, and left the small neighborhoods untouched from their destruction. It would have just been another day if it weren’t for the familiar bodies scattered in the street. Both Tommy and Joel avoided looking at the deceased body of Nana Adler as they crossed their front yard.

“I’m gonna grab what I can from the garage, and then I'll meet you inside? Grab a couple of backpacks and stuff it with clothes, and anything else you think we might need. Okay, Joel?”

The older Miller brother could only meekly nod as a non-verbal response. He was too focused on remembering that he had stashed a revolver in his office drawer for safe keeping. At least it would be quick.

Tommy was unaware, clueless to Joel’s plan to end his life. He knew his brother was mourning, but he never had thought about the drastic measures he would take to be reunited with Sarah.

As Joel ascended up the stairs, memories of his life before the outbreak leaked into his mind. A five year old Sarah running down the stairs to avoid bath time after playing outside all day. Sticky with sugary sweet syrup from a popsicle, and dirt and twigs stuck in her head of curls. Joel patiently demanded that she needed a bath. Well, Sarah had other plans of course and Joel would have to catch her first.

He could hear her gleeful giggles now; almost sweet music.

Soon, baby girl. I promise.

His footsteps were soft, and undetected as he padded down the hall to his office area. His hand grasped the handle as he slowly turned it and pushed the door open with ease. Everything was right as he left it. Blueprints for a new project he and Tommy were working on. A school paper from Sarah that she had left for him to proof read. A stale cup of coffee. Tommy’s note tacked to the corkboard that Joel kept from when they were kids. A life preserved in time. He reached for the note as he gingerly plucked it from where it was pinned. He folded it carefully before slipping it into his pocket. He wanted to have a piece of his brother with him, always.

Joel didn’t feel nervous as he opened the file cabinet drawer that contained his concealed revolver. He greeted it like an old friend as he grasped it firmly in his palm. The coolness of the metal diffused his clammy skin. He could do it here, he thought silently. No, he wanted to be closer to Sarah. To be comforted by her familiarity. So, he left his office and went straight to her room.

As he brought the barrel of the gun to his temple, he felt calm. He felt ready. More ready than he had ever felt in his entire life. He felt sorry for leaving Tommy to fend for himself, but he knew that his brother would survive, and he’d be better off without him anyway.

As his finger hovered over the trigger, he observed Sarah's untouched room. From the crumpled sheets along her bed where he had tucked her in for the very last time, her discarded backpack, her posters, trophies from soccer, and all of her photographs. Photos of her and Joel. Her and Tommy. She was the happiest kid ever, and that’s how Joel wanted to remember her.

As his finger gradually applied pressure to the trigger, he flinched. The bullet missed, and grazed the right side of his temple. His right ear was profusely ringing as he dropped to the carpet like a bag of bricks. He could faintly hear Tommy’s shouts and footsteps racing up the stairs as blood slowly trickled down his face.

Tommy, I was selfish. I was selfish for wanting to take my life and leave you to fend for yourself. My baby brother. The same brother I swore to protect till my last dying breath. I was a coward, Tommy. A weak, selfish, pathetic coward. I wanted to take the easy way out. The cheap way. I just hope you still don’t hate me for it. I hope you don’t hate me for putting you through the trauma and pain of almost losing me too. Sometimes I wonder if my attempted suicide triggered your thirst for blood. As if I am the direct cause for the carnage you partook in when we joined Tess and her raider group. Sometimes I wonder if all those times that we murdered people, that you pictured me on the other end of the gun. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the brave big brother that you always believed me to be. I’m sorry that even over twenty years later, I’m not me. I’m not the Joel that you looked up to. I’m not sure if I'll ever be that version of myself again, but I am ever-so grateful that I am still your brother. Your flesh and blood.

I hope that one day you’ll be proud to be my brother again. Till then, I'll always have your back.

-Your big brother, Joel. The one that held you when things went bump in the night.

Tommy isn’t even aware of how much time has passed while he reads Joel’s words over till they're practically burned into his brain. He doesn’t feel the shifting of the coarse sheets, or see Joel’s fingers twitch at his side.

“Tommy..” Joel croaks, voice hoarse and barely audible.

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1waveshortofashipwreck · 10 months ago

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heyyy love ur stuff btw! Could you maybe do hc’s of how our boys when someone is being mean to the reader? Thanks ;)) Maybe like a modern AU? Or any AU you’d prefer, thank you!

Aaaaaaaa thank you for the ask friend!! I love this idea!!! So I pictured this in a Modern!AU where the pair is at a coffee shop waiting on their order. The Boy puts his arm around them and the person next to them just sneers and goes “Can y’all get a room? Or at least be with someone nice to look at?” OBVIOUSLY referring to y/n with just a palpable amount of spite and venom.

Dick Winters

I see him just hugging you tighter and maybe turning his back to the guy, like, if he's gonna be an ass about Dick's favorite person he doesn't deserve the time of day. He'd say something so sweet too like, “if you think anyone could be more beautiful than them, you need to get your eyes checked,” before planting a kiss on your cheek and grabbing your drinks.

Lewis Nixon

I can see him definitely getting irritated but also seeming kinda baffled? Like I can see him just saying something like, “Are you serious right now? You see how gorgeous they are, right? Who hurt you, man?” Like he’d be so genuine about it too, even scoffing and shaking his head while y’all walk out with your drinks - like, how tf can someone say that about the most perfect human on earth???

Ron Speirs

I have a strong feeling that the guy’s words leave his mouth before he saw Ron, because I just imagine the dude being Christianson in Bastogne, like, he see’s Speirs’ face and just feels as though he has Met His End. So all Speirs does is put his arm around you and say, “you wanna try that again?” the guy just stutters and replies, “you make a lovely couple,” before scurrying away. I can soooo see Ron just having a smug smile on his face before giving you a kiss.

Harry Welsh

Ok so considering this man got demoted from sergeant to private three (3) different times due to getting in fights I have a feeling he would just be like “OH ITS THAT KINDA PARTY HUH? YOU WANNA TRY SAYING THAT AGAIN ASSHOLE??” Like this dude could be twice Harry’s size but your Boy can and will throw hands to defend you and he’s not afraid to get hurt while doing it. 10/10 needs you to help with his bruised knuckles after but he apologizes and y’all enjoy your drinks (specifically savoring it because y’all got banned from the coffee shop).

Eugene Roe

I feel like this could go two ways - A) he tells the guy off (“why don’t you mind your business asshole”), holds you close to him, and grabs your drinks without saying a word, or B) he grabs you by the waist and just goes to town trying to merge your mouths into one. This man would just do everything in his power to put on display his love and passion for you. Soon enough the dude will get weirded out and leave, but not before Doc performs award-winning CPR.

Bill Guarnere

Oh boy we got Party Boy #2 over here. “Why don’t you shut ya yap before I shut it for ya?” Your mans would square up to the dude no questions asked. If the dude steps down, Bill would just say, “yeah, that’s what I thought,” before proudly putting his arm around you. If the dude makes a poor decision and steps up to Guarnere… next thing you know poor Bill is apologizing to you while you hold his cold brew up to his black eye to keep the swelling down… the dude apologized though! All thanks to Ol’ Gonorrhea.

Joe Toye

I feel like his reaction is betwixt Guarnere and Nixon. Like, for one thing, he’s genuinely confused. He just gives the dude his classic Eyebrows before pulling you close to him. At first he won’t say anything, but if the dude keeps going he’ll just say to him in a low voice, “you looking for a fight pal?” Honestly that would be enough to scare the dude away while Joe just hugs you tight and kisses your temple before the barista calls your names.

George Luz

This boy would twist the dude’s words perfectly. “Oh you’re absolutely right, they could get someone WAY hotter than me!” before smirking over at you. You can’t help but give George a playful smack on the chest before laughing with him and laying your head on his shoulder… then he’d totally just look at you and think “how’d I get so lucky???” we love a silly soft boi

Joe Liebgott

Fighty Boy #3 and you can’t tell me otherwise. It’d be similar to Guarnere on the ship - he’d have to make sure he heard the dude right at first… “What’d you just say?” like you can feel his angy levels rising by the second. The dude just goes, “you heard me,” and before anyone can even blink the dude is knocked out on the ground, like, the swifest punch known to man and it came from your boyfriend (kinda hot ngl) and you just give him a Look before he smirks and kisses the air from your lungs and… why were you mad at him again? And why are you getting thrown out of the cafe???

Floyd Talbert

Ok so remember how Roe gave you life-saving CPR? Tab’s first instinct is life-taking CPR, like, this man just glares at the dude before pulling you close by your waist (and maybe a hand on your ass because its Tab) and just going to TOWN on your lips, neck, wherever he can reach just to show the idiot dude how in love with you he is and how stupid he was to make that comment… of course instinctively your hands to Tab’s hair and y’all just get Lost in the Sauce and when the barista calls y’all’s names you don’t even hear them.

Shifty Powers

Asdf sweet baby angel would just hold you close and whisper to you, “I’m sorry you had to hear that, you don’t believe him right?” Just keeping all his attention on you and hugging you close with both arms just lovingly wrapped around you, both of y’all forget everything else exists and you just happily hold each other for a bit before you get your drinks (this is all unless shifty has his rifle then the dude’s Time Has Come courtesy of Darrell C. Powers).

ngl this might've been the most fun I've had writing something 🤣 Thank you again for the ask love!! Hope you have a wonderful day!

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nightcolorz · 4 months ago

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Do you have any Louis/Armand/Daniel headcanons? Maybe from the devil's minion era circa 1970's & 1980's maybe post season 2?

YAS I DO! I love when people ask me for head canons it’s so fun yayyy

I think during the devils minion era 70s + 80s Louis knew that Armand was seeing Daniel and they considered it more passive aggressively open than cheating. Armand rlly wants Louis to be mad about it bcus they r going through a Rough Patch but Louis doesn’t care that Armand is seeing someone else at all 💀 he’s more so frightened for Daniel’s safety and concerned Armand will hurt him. When Armand becomes closer to Daniel Louis is more relieved then jealous, part of him hopes that Armand will begin to rely on Daniel instead of Louis and their shitty romance can finally end, part of him is just worried Daniel is gonna loose his absolute shit and or Armand is going to hurt him. I think that Louis is aware in modern day of Armand and Daniels past together, but he isn’t aware of how far it went. I think that when Armand wiped Daniels recollection of their relationship he also wiped Louis’s recollection of how vulnerable Armand was with Daniel and how close they became. Louis prob thinks they were lowkey just toxic fuck buddies for a while 😭. Only Armand remembers he was about to risk it all for that twink

I think during the 70s + 80s Daniel and Armand had a lot of conflict over Daniel still being clearly into Louis + genuinely wanting to reconnect with him and Armand bein like stfu faggot I’m with u rn to forget about him Jesus Christ. I think Louis’s friendship is gen cute and u just now Daniel is saying shit like 🥺 pls bite me the way Louis did in San Francisco to Armand during sex and Armand looses his boner in 10x speed.

my head canon for post s2 is that Daniel and Louis r gal pal besties who mind gift call each other daily to complain about their boyfriends makers. Daniel wants Lestat so bad but he’s so pissed off by him all of the time, Louis has a lingering affection for Armand but he hates him with his entire soul, Daniel and Louis r in a never ending cycle of “girl leave him!! Nooo but u don’t understand his dick is huge” reblog etc

ideally by season 1000 everyone will be in a polyamorous never ending orgy like the books

#armand #iwtv #interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #Daniel molloy #Devils minion #Loumand #louis x daniel #Loustat #louis de pointe du lac #amc interview with the vampire

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disastrouscanasta · 5 months ago

Text

Happy Happy Happy exchange day to my new pal @guarnerepdf, whom I very unfortunately accidentally revealed my identity to, but the point of the exchange is to interact, and we did plenty of that :)

As such, here is part one of your gift, aka the fic portion!

(part 2, aka the completely unrelated web weave)

***

No One Can Deny by Disastrous_Canasta on Ao3

***

Rating: T / Pairing: Luztoye & Bill/Fran / Bill Guarnere CENTRIC. Man this was just about him, I'll be honest / 3769 words

Joe was a long suffering bastard, though. The sonofabitch wouldn’t bring it up first in any universe. It was Bill’s job to pry it out of him, not as his senior NCO, but as his friend.

“You’d tell me if something was the matter, wouldn’t ya?” He asked, sincere and as patient as he could manage.

Bill has known Joe Toye for years, through thick and thin, from Georgia all the way to Belgium and back to the States. It's not lost on him that his friend is acting differently.

***

He’d gotten so used to looking out for the other guys on the front lines, Bill didn’t even realise he was doing it, not anymore.

Bill scoured every letter that passed through his hands, every phone call, every mention, every little visit from the other guys, just to be sure. They weren’t in danger now, not from shellings, bullets or the like. But civilian life posed its own challenges, Bill knew that more than anyone else.

Somehow, it still surprised him when Joe Toye of all people started acting strange. Strange was an odd word, especially when it came to Joe. He wasn’t jumping at the walls or anymore determined than he usually was– And Bill would know, he’d spent months on end sitting in a hospital bed next to the fucker– he was just… Strange.

“You’re not making any sense.” Fran told him over coffee, the morning he tried to explain it. “Are you sure the doctor’s didn’t forget to put a piece of metal in your brain?”

“Oh, har-har.” He said, skewering a piece of scrambled eggs with his fork. They were perfect, lightly salted, fluffy, warm, nothing like the Army rations had been. Shacking up with Fran had been good for a lot of things, true love, for one, good cooking for another. “You’ll fit right in with the guys, with that attitude.”

“I plan to.” Fran sipped from her cuppa, still piping hot, the way she liked it, one spoonful of sugar, no milk. “What’re you on about?”

“Joe Toye. He’s acting all weird!”

“He seemed fine last I saw him.” Fran said. Bill had invited Joe over for dinner and beer last Thursday, just like he always did. And Joe accepted, just like he always did. Still waiting on their army pensions, there wasn’t much else for them to do. “Just as grouchy.”

“See! That’s the thing, he’s grouchy, sure. But there’s something else to it.”

“What else?”

“Hell, I dunno!”

Fran shot him a look from behind her cup as she took another drink. How that thing didn’t burn all the way down, Bill had no idea. He stirred his own coffee, equal parts milk and sugar.

“I’m sure you’re right.” Fran conceded.

“I’ll have him over.” Bill said. “When can we have him over?”

Fran didn’t even bother to look up at the quaint little calendar that was hung up on the kitchen wall. “Thursday.”

“Yeah, ‘course.”

“Have I got something on my face?” Joe asked, after a long, drawn out moment between them. They were sitting at the kitchen table, Bill’s favourite place for conversations like this, it seemed. They’d had a roast beef for dinner, all three of them, but Fran had wandered away at some point to leave Bill alone with Joe. They hadn’t coordinated it, but it was well executed. Sometimes Bill genuinely wondered if Fran should have employed her skills for the good of the Nation– she could have been a spy, a WAC, hell, she could have jumped into Normandy with the best of them.

“No,” Bill said. He thought long and hard, scanning Joe’s face for any signs of obvious discomfort, resignation, or anything that could give him away.

“You’re just gonna keep looking at me like that?”

When Bill didn’t answer, Joe just sighed, dropping his gaze down to the bottle of beer that Bill had given him. A few years at war with a fellow got you awfully relaxed, even around any weird tendencies. He’d shared a foxhole with Joe once or twice, showered next to him. Things that wouldn’t fly with other folks barely made soldiers bat an eye.

Maybe it was something superficial, in that case, it was part of Bill’s responsibility as Joe’s T. Sergeant– Well, not anymore. But something about it still lingered. If Joe was hurting, if there was something wrong, some shrapnel left under his skin, something wrong with his amputation– Well, Bill couldn’t let that go unaddressed.

Joe was a long suffering bastard, though. The sonofabitch wouldn’t bring it up first in any universe. It was Bill’s job to pry it out of him, not as his senior NCO, but as his friend.

“You’d tell me if something was the matter, wouldn’t ya?” He asked, sincere and as patient as he could manage.

“Sure.” Joe shrugged noncommittally, still staring down the neck of his bottle.

“Joe, you’d tell me, right?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Joe.”

“Goddamnit, yes, fine.” Joe huffed, finally looking up to meet his eyes. “You’d be the first to know.”

“That’s good to hear, buddy.” Bill said proudly. He was Joe’s best friend, no matter the circumstances. “Ever need anything, just let me know. I’ll get it sorted for ya.”

“Thanks.” Joe said it quietly, a little gruffer than you’d expect from anyone else, but this was Joe Toye. Gruff and quiet was his way of being sincere. What a weirdo.

A thought struck Bill, then. “Have you got anyone else?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He could already hear the edge in Joe’s voice.

“No– All I’m saying is–” He sighed, taking a moment to collect himself. “You talk to any of the other guys?”

Bill had plenty. He kept up regular letters with everyone– He had to, at the moment. It was his responsibility to keep these damn things coordinated, otherwise their upcoming reunion would fall apart at the seams.

But even aside from that, he wrote to his friends, war buddies, if you will. Babe lived a couple blocks away, they met up sporadically, he got regular letters from Don Malarkey, one every month from Lipton, and every once in a while he’d get something from Buck, Luz, Garcia, Roe– unexpectedly, indeed, Talbert, Grant– now that he was doing better, Shifty, etc. He kept up with as many as he could.

Joe, on the other hand, wasn’t quite the social butterfly.

“Yeah.” Joe said dismissively. “A few. What about it?”

“Nothing.” Bill shrugged, light and airy as he could. He’d done damage control with Joe before, when both of them were torn up, hanging onto sanity by a string in those sterile hospital rooms, back in those early days, reeling from the changes which had been thrust upon them in the blink of an eye. He was better at it, now.

“It’s hard when you’re breathing down my neck.” Joe said, loosening up a bit, slipping into a more casual tone. “I don’t think I could shake you if I tried.”

“Oh, don’t think you’re getting away from me anytime soon.” Bill said, reassured for the moment.

“You don’t think he’s gonna flake on me, do you?” He asked Fran a few days later. He was helping her fix up their little garden. A new house was what he’d saved most of his army wages to buy, and it helped that her family had chipped in as a wedding present, even if they’d been unsure at first.

It was an adjustment, that’s for sure, living with one leg. Maybe that was Joe’s issue, maybe he had his sights set on some girl, maybe it was a problem with the leg! That was something Bill could understand, he could help him navigate it, he’d done it himself!

But, no. If Joe was interested in someone, there was no way that Bill wouldn’t know about it. They were birds of a feather, peas in a pod– either Joe would tell him, or Bill would know it, intuitively. That’s how close they were.

And anyway, the only folks Joe talked to nowadays were his 80-year-old neighbour, a widowed Mrs. Greenwall, and a few fellas from Easy. No bombshell blondes in that equation for Joe to set his sights on.

“Flake? Why would he flake?” Fran asked. She was elbow deep in soil from their brand new planter. It was a housewarming gift from Buck, especially late, considering they’d moved in 5 months earlier, but excused because he only just got into town.

“Well, you know how he can be.” Bill shrugged. He’d offered Fran some help, a few times, but she seemed determined to do it herself. It saved Bill the hassle of washing muck out of the creases of his hands, at least. He swore he’d just finally gotten dirt from France out from under his fingernails.

“He’s quiet, but he’s honest.” Fran grunted, filling the planter and adjusting the soil, evening it out. Bill didn’t envy her, if he was being frank. “He’s not the flaking type.”

“You’re right. I love the guy to bits, but goddamnit if he doesn’t make it hard to read him sometimes.”

“Have you asked him outright?”

“Yeah, just about. As well as I could.”

“Are you sure?”

“You try asking Joe Toye what’s wrong with him, see how far that gets you.”

“Fine, maybe I will.” Fran sat up to look at Bill properly, something challenging in her eyes. She wiped her forehead with her hand, smearing dirt on her temple, just below the red band she wore, tied around her hair. She was a looker, that was sure, even with all the muck. “Joe likes me better, anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bill laughed. He stood up, perching himself on his crutches to lean forward and press a peck to her lips. “I like you better, too.”

“You have to, that was in the vows.”

“Oh, was it, now?”

Her hands were on his shoulders, wrapping around him to bring them together. Fran was getting his collar, his shirt and his hair all ruined, but for now, with the comfort of their porch in the late Pennsylvanian summer, things weren’t so bad.

How Fran had talked Joe Toye into showing up so early to the venue, Bill wasn’t sure he’d ever understand.

Joe was a helpful guy, sure, but he wasn’t fit as a fiddle as of current. How he was expected to carry boxes and get everything ready, Bill wasn’t sure. He wasn’t even doing that work himself, he’d fooled the poor idiots who came to meet him in his home a few days before the reunion. Don and Buck would have a great time catching up, so long as they could talk and set up a banquet-hall’s worth of chairs at the same time.

If there was one person Bill was sure could do so, it was George Luz, who showed up not long after the rest of them.

“Joe said you needed help with stuff. I’ve been roped in, unfortunately.” He said after a joyful greeting. It was Luz, what else would you expect?

“Joe’s been talking to you, huh?” Bill said. He wasn’t close with George, but they weren’t distant, neither. They just kind of were.

“Yeah, since he got taken off the line.” George blinked. “Same as you.”

“Right.” They had exchanged a few letters– keyword: few. Bill was chattier with the other guys, and George was surprisingly hard to talk to through writing. He was an in-person guy, Bill had gathered the moment he received his first short, awkward letter at the hospital.

“Is he here?” George asked.

“He’s busy, Fran’s got him working on seating arrangements.” It wasn’t a job for Joe Toye, but it did give Fran plenty of time to ask him all she wanted. “In the meantime, why don’t you get at it, help the Lieutenant over there move that table.”

Buck looked up, having been mentioned, waved at George and shouted something. George shouted back a greeting, smiled at Bill and took up his slack. If army boys had one thing going for them, it was a penchant for getting a job done when they were asked.

Bill had a chance in charge, for once. Getting to boss around his former officer, and he was not letting it go to waste.

** “You’ve been writing to Luz?” Bill asked Joe, later that day. They’d gotten everything sorted, more people had shown up, and the two of them had popped back to Bill’s for some last minute pickups and adjustments.

Fran hadn’t gotten through to Joe, unfortunately. Though neither of them were truly surprised, Joe Toye was a tough cookie.

“Yeah, every once in a while.” Joe said. “He writes to all of us.”

“You talked to him yesterday, though?” Bill remembered what George had said, the reason he’d shown up early in the first place, because Joe had told him they needed help with things. Well, that was a bit suspicious, if you asked him.

Joe hummed an affirmative.

“When?” Bill asked, because he couldn’t let a subject like that drop for the life of him, especially not now.

“He came over. We had a couple drinks.” Joe shrugged. “Why does it matter?”

For one thing, Luz had never come over to Bill’s, even though Bill’s reunion was the only reason Luz was in Philly in the first place. And second of all, Bill hadn’t thought Luz was that close with Toye.

“Is this a new thing?”

“New thing? It’s not any type of thing. He just wanted to talk. It’s Luz, what else could you expect?”

Wasn’t that the truth. Luz was a chatterbox if ever there was one.

“How’s he doing?”

“As well as any of us, I’m sure.” Joe adjusted his pant leg, pulling it down properly over his prosthetic. He was debuting his new leg for the first real time in public, especially in front of all of Easy Company– the ones who’d RSVP’d of course– and he didn’t seem quite as confident as he could have.

“Stop fiddling with it, it’s gonna be fine.” Bill promised. They were waiting for Fran to loop around in their car to come get them and the boxes of stuff they’d remembered to bring. It gave Toye plenty of time to agonise over his leg.

“I think it’s sitting weird.” Joe winced. They both knew that it wasn’t really painful, just uncomfortable. There were a few reasons why Bill was foregoing it, in exchange for his trusted pair of wooden crutches. They were strong, sturdy and didn’t chafe.

Joe, on the other hand, was a little bit more under-the-radar. He wanted to draw less attention to the missing limb. He wasn’t ashamed of it, exactly. But Bill knew where he was coming from. Sometimes it got tiring, answering questions, feeling people’s eyes on you. Bill was used to it, he didn’t mind the attention so much, But Joe had never been quite so open.

“You look great.” Bill said, once Joe had successfully readjusted the socket. “I’m serious, you’re… all dressed up.”

“I’m not dressed up. No more than everyone else will be.” Joe was wearing a loose suit, something new, that’s for sure. Looked like he could wear it to a job interview, maybe even a fancy dinner. Something better than meeting up with old buddies who’d seen him stripped down to his worst. He’d styled his hair, too, polished his shoes. Bill’s jacket wasn’t quite so high quality, and had been a staple of his wardrobe since before the war– he was lucky he still fit into it.

“Y’don’t have to be so worried about seeing everyone again.” Bill patted him once on the shoulder, solid and companionable. “They’re just happy to see you on your feet.”

“I’m happy to see any of them.”

Bill paused, looking for something substantial enough to say, but in the end he settled on honesty. “Me too, buddy. Me too.”

The reunion, for all intents and purposes, was a success. Bill celebrated the sentiment with champagne– gifted to him by Captain Nixon, who hadn’t shown up, but had sent his regards with a bottle of something expensive. Bill and Fran were both appreciative, they drank it over dinner.

At a certain point, the table arrangements that Fran had made up (with the help of Joe, supposedly. Though Bill still believed that he’d done nothing of the sort, and had sat there diligently and listened to Fran’s questions.) had been abandoned, and it was a free for all. Bill had started the night with Babe, Joe and Malarkey sitting at his little table with Fran, then at some point, Malarkey had gone off to sit with Perconte, Talbert and Luz, then those three, and subsequently many members of E Company had come to thank Bill for his hard work. It felt well-earned.

“People don’t realise how much effort goes into these things.” Bill said, who’d started understanding it for himself a few weeks prior.

“I’m sure.” Buck Compton said. “It’s tough to manage the military in the military, let alone pack them all into one building for fun.”

“Exactly!” Bill smiled. He was a bit tipsy, though a lot of the feeling came from the warmth of reunion. The chance to see his friends again. It was one thing to know they’d survived and come back unscathed, it was another to see them before him, eating and talking and laughing like nothing had ever happened.

There were things he didn’t bother mentioning to Compton, for example the hassle it had been to get a venue he could get into easily. Guys like him and Joe needed a little help now and then, and it was received better by both of them if it was Bill doing the helping, by avoiding the obstacles all together.

Fran had her hand in the crook of Bill’s elbow, a warm, reassuring weight through the whole night. At a certain point, Buck got up to mill about, Babe had gone off to chat up one of the medics, and all of the others had flocked away from the table. This included Joe.

Joe sat off on a table against the wall all by himself. He nursed a glass of beer as he looked out on the crowd.

“I’m gonna go talk to him.” Bill decided. He moved to stand, but Fran gripped his arm.

“He’ll be fine, Bill.” She said.

“Well.” Bill muttered. “I guess he will. I still don’t like it, though.”

“Maybe he needs some time to himself, who knows?”

“Or he feels like shit.” Bill pointed out, but he turned to face her anyway. “I don’t know what happened to me. Wild Bill, huh?”

“You matured.” She told him. Fran wore a soft smile, Bill reciprocated it when she kissed his cheek. “You’re plenty wild. I’ve heard the stories from Babe.”

“Don’t listen to anything Babe Heffron tells you.”

She laughed, loud and bright. “I’ll take it with a grain of salt.”

Bill kept his eyes trained on her, taking in the moment. He was high off of the feeling of accomplishment and warm from the glee of it all. Easy Company gathered together once more, who woulda thunk it?

Where would they go from here, he wondered? What else was there, after the war, after the reunion. For him it was a beautiful wife and a lovely house, for others, it was work. How could someone go back to another job after they’d parachuted into France?

Joe was thinking of moving out of Philly, to settle back where he grew up, in a small town a hundred miles away. He was going to look for a job working around mines, even though he couldn’t very well be knee deep in coal anymore, working away with a pickaxe like he used to (when Bill imagined it, he couldn’t help but think of a comic strip from the newspaper, people still worked in mines? Even when they could be out and about, embracing the new age?)

“You’re thinking about Joe again, aren’t you.” Fran said, though she didn’t look disappointed. Just sort of amused and unsurprised.

“Yeah, I am.”

“You’re worried about him.”

“No one knows him better than me, I guarantee you that.” Bill pointed out. He was Joe Toye’s… best friend, as childish as it was. Hell, they’d fought tooth and nail together to survive, they were allowed to be a little juvenile when it came to stuff like that. Brothers of war, and all that.

“I’m sure.”

“Why’re you doing that with your face, then?”

“What?”

“Raising the eyebrow, like you don’t believe me.”

“I’m not.”

“You are, you definitely are.” Bill squinted at her. “You really don’t think I know him?”

“I think you do. I just think you have competition for knowing him the most.”

She pointed to the table off in the corner, where Joe had been sitting by himself not moments before. Now, unexpectedly, George Luz was tucked up in the chair opposite him, speaking low and gesturing as he talked. Joe looked completely and entirely focused. Even from where he was sitting, Bill could see the softness in his eyes.

“He looks like you, right now.” Fran said.

“What?”

“The look in his eyes, it’s the way you look at me.”

Bill blinked. What.

“Nah, it can’t be.” Bill squinted at them.

“What can’t be?”

“I’m just–” Bill shook his head, turning back to Fran. “It’s not important.”

She eyed him again, “You’d better not mess that up.”

“I won’t.” Bill said defensively. “I’m not sure what it is… But you know me.”

“I do. You’d better not say a word to them.”

“I won’t.”

Bill cast a sideways look off at Joe, he couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but he heard the soft tones of George’s voice. It made sense, really. Bill hadn’t seen it coming, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. Joe was his friend. If Bill was to dwell on it, he'd find himself focusing on the fact that he'd missed so many indications. That didn't make him feel too great.

“You’re so damn observant.” Bill said to Fran, looking to drop the subject like a hot coal. Que sera, sera, and all that. Wasn't up to him any longer what Luz and Toye got up to. All he knew was that he'd be inviting Joe over for beers just the same that Thursday night. They were paratroopers, for god's sake, that meant more than... well, he wasn't sure. He was Joe's friend, though. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“I don’t know how you don’t. He mentioned George to me about five times.”

“That cheeky fucker.” Bill said, and then he startled. “I’m still used to the army. Sorry.”

“I’ll survive.” Fran said, leaning in close. “It’s not like any of these fellows have the cleanest words.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re used to it, because I’m planning to have another one next year.”

Fran rolled her eyes, but she gave him a peck on the lips, which Bill counted as a success.

***

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it :)

#luztoye #bill guarnere #george luz #joe toye #band of brothers #fic #hbowarsummer24

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hatterladz · 2 months ago

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Let's Talk Cuphead's Monster Complex

I've deleted and rewritten this a million times trying to put this neatly and maybe find sources but SCREW IT we ball!

So the thing I think about with Cup's monster complex [what I've deemed his "I'm a bad person" thought process, he is but that's not the point] is how it protects and damages him

Like this guy is out here talking to all his pals pre-Labyrinth and going "You might've destroyed xyz with the intent to kill but I actually killed people and I know your not as bad as me cuz I said so" which CANNOT be good for his mental health, sure it makes everyone else feel better because I don't think they fully process the fact of Cup comparing their wrongs with his and how that's not good

I think we see the point of it being at it's worst within the Labyrinth when he's debating killing himself in order to beat the Devil, which ya under first glance is him debating on ultimatum but it's genuinely suicide ideation we saw there. The idea "better people are better without me" [<-I'll get to this in a second]

This self-destructive pattern is what pulls Cup to the points where he's at now. He's a bad person, being a bad person [aka associated with the mafia] will lead to bad things happening to the people around him which is his fault [his thoughtprocess nobody else's] because it was the result of a chain reaction of his own decisions, so now he's trying to make good decisions to protect the people around him

But he can't leave and those things that are actively still a threat to the people he loves. So then he picks up this idea that he can help them by being a better person but also by utilizing his skills that he's learned from growing up in the mafia. So it's never enough improvement but he's trying, that's what he tells himself.

Because it's how he protected Mugs, do the dirty work, so that Mugs didn't get hurt. Take the hard hits [literally and figuratively] so when he finds other people he cares about, but now holds a higher standard for him as a person, he finds himself at a problem

The easy answer is lean on what he knows, the hard one is learn new things to handle the situation, rely on other's around him and trust them, and that not every bad thing is his fault

And after the Labyrinth, after Mugs took control of the Devil situation [he didn't end up in that position, he took it from his brother], when he's forced to heal and recover, is when he finally starts to internalize some of that, is when he finally actually starts to improve as a person

And this is when we discover one of Cup's greatest fears that was hinted at in the Labyrinth, he's terrified of losing everyone, just like he lost his parents when he was 3, just like he was forced away from Elder Kettle, and more then what he had to deal with as a teen. With the only grounding force being "At least Mugs is with me"

And I don't just mean loss as in physically gone, I mean morally and emotionally as well. You can see this fear with Holly, imagining a future with her. Imagining all the ways he could lose the girl he knows right in front of him.

This is when he falls back into older habits, when he's afraid, then when he's guilty because he just ruined another good thing didn't he? When he's kissed by Fanny and reminded that he's just a crook, he couldn't do something good without there being something else. And then he kills Winky.

Because Cup doesn't like acknowledging his worst feelings. He knows they're there. He just doesn't want to see them.

#orb ponders #the inky mystery #orb talks #my gf pointed out the title is like one off of youtube so imagine me frothing at the mouth periodically in a chair #I didn't proofread this post so let's just hope it's as good as I'm hoping [many posts have been lost for not being good enough for tumblr]#Kinda mashed every single Cup topic I wanted to address into one post #Anyway quick mention this is not me justifying this man I just like to get in a character's head #I've tried to write this and deleted this or got busy for 2 weeks now #Here u go Cup fans take y'alls food #babitim #Still feel like it's lackluster compared to my other posts but oh well I suppose #Although the “Cuphead has abandonment issues” claim came out of left field even for me I'll see how this holds up later when I'm not hungry

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forever-will-last · 7 months ago

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HEY!! what're your fav cadina fanfics? and do you have any suggestions for new fanfic writers 😭

omg okay so i saw this morning while i was at work and knew this had to wait until i got home to get my FULL attention and then i had to stay at work late so here we go!!! this is LONG so i put it all under the cut!

cadina fic recs (first, some ones from my friends, and then many others i heavily recommend, in no particular order):

Get in, Loser! We're going... to fall in love? - SUPER cute slow burn made by the incredible amazing talented stunning 16Sydd16. Genuinely one of my favorite Cadina fics of all time.

ANYTHING by the Cadina Captain herself, Chisamaya. Maya's been holding down the Cadina fort for YEARS and has 13 INCREDIBLE Cadina fics on her AO3. She's also on Tumblr @chisamayas and posts super cute fanart of Mean Girls and Cadina all the time! My personal favorite fic of hers is Collared (very smutty pet play fic) and I will live and die a Collared stan.

can i come and sweep you off your feet? - super adorable (and angsty at some points, especially for poor regina) fame AU by my very talented friend ninesixtheenths / @girlkisser-wieners on Tumblr! i absolutely also recommend her rugby fic, which is rejanis but is 10/10.

(mean girls) series by anonymous - this is from another friend of mine who posts these anonymously instead of tying them to her account. there are SO MANY good ones in here (12 at time of writing this) including a soulmates au, a superhero au, and some GREAT character studies of both regina and cady. there are a few rejanis fics in this series too but they're all phenomenal.

okay onto fics that aren't from my friends but i heavily recommend, in no particular order:

Mirror Me Back - okay i know i said no particular order but this one's a lie. if you haven't read MMB yet, stop what you're doing and read it right now. it's very smut heavy, however, this is genuinely the fic that got me into writing for this fandom and it is one of the best fics i've ever read across any fandom. every day i perform rituals for an update /j

On Predators and Pack Dynamics - omegaverse fic that is genuinely incredible. obviously very smut heavy but i love the characterization of them here and i also often pray for updates on this one.

if i could tell her (how she's everything to me) - role reversal & arts high school AU from 2020 where cady is the popular one and regina is a little socially awkward. very cute, very sweet, very fun.

Pretty Girls - mean girls 2024 rewrite where cady and regina were anonymous pen pals before cady moved to evanston. really loved this one!! one of the first i read in the tag.

To You, I Can Admit That I'm Just Too Soft for All of It - grad school au that i absolutely LOVE. the chapters are unordered snippets but they are so cute and fun. the author also does some social media stuff with it, i believe on tumblr, so it's a cute little tie in!!

you would find her in a polaroid picture - SUPER good college au!! genuinely recommend anything this author writes tbh i adore their stuff!!

i choose you and me, religiously - once again recommending anything this author writes as well. SO talented. this one is a slow burn idiots in love au and it's just. chef's kiss. muah. i love it.

to answer the other part of your question, about the writing advice, my genuine main piece of advice is to just keep writing. even if it's stuff you don't intend to publish, or a half-baked idea. write drabbles for yourself and just let the words get on the page. i used to publish in a different fandom circa 2017-2019 and hadn't published in YEARS until i started writing a thousand pictures (well, really, don't look for me, but ya know, this all REALLY took off with a thousand pictures). despite the fact that i haven't published in a very long time i never really stopped writing. my google drive is full of folders of assorted drabbles of self indulgent bullshit. snippets from other fandoms, self insert scenarios, some original ideas that with a lot more cooking, could potentially be novel worthy one day. (i am a LONG ways off from that though lol)

my point is, publishing fic can be daunting. even writing coherent or long enough fic to make a cohesive story can be daunting at first. it's better to write for yourself and get the practice of writing even just singular or small series of scenes if you aren't ready for a full fic yet. writing should be fun! make sure you're having fun doing it and trying not to stress the details too much!

if you have any other questions about writing please feel free to ask!! i love talking about my process and stuff and am always willing to share gjsnkgng

#ask

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tfp-is-my-lifeblood-lol · 1 year ago

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hi I love your work

I wanna ask if I can request the tfp bots would react to meeting a bot that hates humanity because they meet a human child who they developed a deep bond with but was kill by some bad humans and after that day they despise and resent humans and just seeing one is a huge Berserk bottom for them

Sure! Love me some angst!

TFP Autobots Reacting to a Bot that Hates Humans (because humans killed the Bot's human partner)

Optimus Prime:

-Optimus would be deeply saddened by this Bot's story. He would hate to think about Earth's creatures being violent, and making the same mistakes that Cybertronians have in the past

-Despite this, he would remind the Bot that hating humans isn't the answer.

"I sympathize with the tragedy you have suffered, friend. The loss of an innocent life, one whom you were close with, at the hands of any creature, is unacceptably cruel. However, might I remind you that, whatever human kind's faults...Cybertronian kind has committed its share of atrocities, likewise...perhaps even worse than that of human kind's. It is best not to judge a species by its most dangerous examples, for every species is capable of both great cruelty, and great acts of kindness."

-He'd constantly be encouraging the Bot to give humans another chance.

Ratchet:

-Learning the Bot's story would really catch Ratchet off-guard. After all, Ratchet complains about humans all the time...but, even though he won't admit it, he cares deeply for the children.

-So the thought of HUMANS harming other humans is very striking. He usually worries that a Decepticon might harm the kids. But, then again, there's also MECH.

-Ratchet wouldn't say much, but, inside, he'd wonder what HE would do if a human were to hurt Raf.

-Who knows. He might even tell the Bot that, although humans have their faults, the children have really grown on him. But he'd never tell the CHILDREN that, of course.

Arcee:

-She's probably the most sympathetic, having lost her own partners

-Not to mention she doesn't know WHAT she'd do if anything ever happened to Jack

-She'd encourage the Bot to go easy on humans, though, and, despite being sympathetic, she might be a bit mistrusting of the Bot

-After all, if the Bot hated humans enough to hurt Jack, Arcee would flip

Bumblebee:

-Bee would be fiercely protective of Raf

-He'd find the Bot's story sad, but he'd probably be the first to intervene if the Bot tried to harm a human

-Bee is used to stopping Arcee from going on crazy revenge sprees, so he wouldn't be afraid to do so in this situation as well

-If the Bot ever tried to attack a human, Bumblebee would stand in the corner making sad eyes, like: "Don't do it!"🥺

-Awww!

Bulkhead:

-He'd be genuinely curious

-How did the Bot's human partner manage to get scrapped by another human?

-Let's hope the Bot never gets into an argument with Bulkhead, because Bulk might even be a little judgmental, accusing the Bot of being a lousy guardian.

-He'd be suspicious of the fact that a giant robot was unable to stop tiny humans from terminating their partner

-Someone should really remind Bulk that MECH exists, and they're capable of fighting Cybertronians. Don't worry. Optimus will probably tell him off.

Wheeljack:

-He'd point to Miko, and say: "What are you talkin' about? Humans are great, if you ask me. Just look at this one. She scrapped an Insecticon singlehandedly, with nothin' but the push of a button. BOOM."

-He'd probably get along with this Bot pretty well, since he's so laid back

He'd tell the human-hating Bot:

"Don't worry, pal. Miko, Bulk and I will keep whatever trouble you have off your tail. Be it pesky Decepticons or bad-news humans. Nothin' a good grenade can't fix. Right, Miko?"

Miko: "Boo ya!"

Smokescreen:

-He's VERY no-thoughts-head-empty about this whole situation

-He even makes jokes about it

"That Bot REALLY hates humans, huh? Haha! Maybe they're secretly afraid of them. There's gotta be...like...a name for that, right? Human...aphobia? Squishy-phobia?"

-He tries to scare the Bot by sneaking up on them and talking in a squeaky voice: "HELLO, (Bot name)! I'm a scary human, coming to accidentally get stepped on and squished. WooooOOOOoooo!"

-Of course, the Bot would never fall for his tomfoolery, and everyone would reprimand Smokescreen for it afterwards

Ultra Magnus:

-He hasn't been on this planet that long, so he might even believe this new Bot's perspective on humans

-He'd ask Optimus: "Is it true what our new recruit claims about humans? If they are not to be trusted, we should do something about it."

Of course, Optimus would say: "(name of Bot)'s judgement is clouded by revenge, Ultra Magnus. Rest assured, the Autobot cause may never have made it as far as it has without the help of our human friends."

#requests #transformers prime #tfp #tfp optimus prime #tfp ratchet #tfp bulkhead #tfp headcanons #tfp megatron #tfp arcee #tfp bumblebee #tfp wheeljack #tfp ultra magnus #tfp smokescreen #tfp miko

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shrimplymoray · 2 months ago

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Hello!!! if its alright, could you perhaps do a sheriff(madcom)) x reader where reader is a flower girl and loves raising plants? THNANK YOU!!!!! ˃̵ᴗ˂̵

HIII thanks for the request, the Sheriff deserves more love, pathetic little meow meow of a guy ehehe! Also side note: i've been trying to start and failing because i have no idea if my idea makes sense, but i just said fuck it rn and am gonna pull what i think may work, if it is not very M:PN compliant, i'm sorry ;-;

The Sheriff x Flower Girl! Reader - Green Thumb

After long nights and days of work, The sheriff liked to take a drink by himself, and walk around the industrial district. Not to brag, but he has so far done a pretty decent job at keeping the scum outside and the ones that needed to be in, well, in. He liked to see himself as doing the dirty work so his old pal can deal with whatever the hell has been happening at the center of the Nexus City, and at the science tower. After one of these long days and nights, he grabbed a good old beer and walked around, appreciating the little bit of peace he managed to get after so long suffering being hunted for sport by those damned man. This walk, however, was cut shorter than expected, as something catched the old cowboy's attention. Something that for all reasons, shouldn't be existing. A little over run and beat up small building, tucked to a corner. nothing would drive one's attention for it, if it weren't for the small glimpses of a... Garden? Well, damn, that's as rare as it can get in Nevada. Although part of him screamed that this is the most suspicious thing that he could find, the way it seemed tended to drove him in. Slowly and cautiously (to not say cowardly) he walked near the little tucked in garden, which led to him going inside the building that for all means looked abandoned, specially compared to the other factories of the area. It was... a beautiful view, really. A flora long thought dead was clinging to every wall, and it took him a long second to hear the whistling, to which he put a hand on his holster, just in case. "Who's there?" It felt almost as if he was asking himself and not the person, to which a... lady, came and looked at him. "Ah! Sheriff, nice to see ya! Don't get visits often, specially in here, heh." "Er, Yeah sure doll. What's... all this about?" The lady looked around with a second of confusion before letting out a chuckle. "Oh this is my little Greenhouse. I know, the building is beat up but... the lights still work here, and it has just the right power to grow some pretty good stuff." "A Greenhouse, huh? Call me stoked, haven't seen one of these in ages..." In his moment of distraction, the woman got near him and took his hand on hers, both calloused but for greatly different reasons, it seems. "Want a Tour? I've been growing stuff in here since i got in the district, and i don't get much guests. That is, if you allow me, sir. You are the boss here, aren't ya?" Her voice was laced with teasing tone. It felt as if they've known each other for ages, good old friends just meeting again. The feeling of her hand on his, and the sheer happiness she showed over the place, it made something beat inside his chest, and his cheeks grow red, but by everything sacred, he was gonna blame the beer. "Welp, yer lucky i'm free right now, dollface. But i can only accept the tour if ya gimme the pleasure of taking ya for a drink later~?" Sadly for him, he didn't sound as smooth as he wanted, but that worked his way in the end. Luck has been getting on the ol' Sheriff's way, it seems.

I genuinely have NO IDEA how to write the Sheriff and also i am out of my head cuz of caffeine crash and my night meds, but i still hope this is somewhat enjoyable!

#tena writing #thanks for the request!#anon ask #madness combat #madcom #madness combat x reader #the sheriff #madcom sheriff #the sheriff x reader

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saturnaous · 3 months ago

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I have to preface if anyone in relations to my dnd group sees this NO YOU DON'T. and don't tell nightmare. you see nothing. get out of here. anyways.

@nightmareeyest haiiii haiiii here's the guys every. I love character making very fun. waves

okay. so I'm gonna be a little bit silly with uhm. dnd characters because I LOVE dnd characters. thus far none of them have been used but both Nico + Carmine have set places already to work in!! anyways. This fella is Nico!!! he's so neat 2 me. Nico Cybil, Deepsea Merfolk, a paladin who adventured to the surface to try to ease the sin of the surfaced/sun touched world so that everybody wouldn't DROWN.

The worldbuilding done by our wonderful dm is that there are these Titans that flood the world when awoken, and the part of Nico's religion from far down below is that their god, who sees through the sun, became terribly sad when she saw all the sin in the world and cried so much she drowned part of the world with her tears when her children awoke or whatever. Nico thinks that if he basically goes up and says "Everybody stop sinning!!!" It'll stop the flooding of everything. So his whole town thing basically sent him up with some magic armor and a little teardrop shaped piece of gold(who's supposed to be the sign of god being sad again; the first tear or whatever).

Nico also had a best pal named Clancy who he convinced to come up to the surface with him. about the point when they finally started being able to see sunlight some raiders(or something; Nico doesn't know, I don't know. that's up to my dm) came around and yoinked up Clancy. Nico logically thinks that Clancy is dead, but he still clings onto the hope that they didn't kill him. He does hold onto a lot of guilt about leading Clancy to his death and thinks about all the signs about him not bringing him along. Nico's constantly thinking about if it was his own fault for taking him to danger against his better judgment or if he didn't listen to signs from god that this was a mission for him and him alone and Clancy paid the price. anyways.

Nico's a fucking idiot. a big part of his village in the trenches or whatever is that they are free of sin; Sunlight(aka their god's gaze) doesn't get deep enough to see them so clearly it's because she doesn't have the need to watch them because they are so perfect and holy all the time. This feeds into a big complex that Nico has of "Me(holy, good, savior of all these sunlit creatures), and them(sinners, everyone born in the sunlight, those who need saving)". He's also an idiot who's never been in any semblance of any version of the real world. He has way too much confidence for a 5'3 guy who walks like a duck and doesn't know what colors are. I'm so excited to play him because he's SO stupid. his catchphrase is going to be "God loves me" followed by something stupid. They'd tell him he can't make a 50ft jump in which he'll respond with "Maybe YOU can't. God loves me" and then. he has to get held back . He's just going to be so stupid. I'm really excited. he's going to be very socially inept because he's just fucking like that. I'm genuinely so excited for him. His wisdom is actually an 8 and his intelligence is at 10. a -1 and 0 modifier respectively. hilarious. Nico you are so special to me I'm SO EXCITED.

ermmmm this be Carmine!! more dnd. shrug. Carmine Ryder, the Werewolfe Barbarian. big ass lesbian who's going to smush faces with @orange-t-apple's siren lesbian lady HI SHROT HAIIIIII HAIII hope you don't mind the @. the @ errrrrr. ya. anwyays Carmine is very neat she's from a village thing where everybody are like werebeast creatures. she's from a line of werewolves though. Her dad is kind of a prick so she's always been a "stick it to the man" type thing towards him so she started basically brawling to prove herself to him or whatever. he hated that shit so she kept doing it. at some point it got to where she would just leave. for like long periods of time and then come back to visit her mom and rub it in her dad's face. But last time she left Carmine and her dad got into a big argument or something and she stormed out. Then at some point she got a letter saying her dad was died and it was her fault for reasons I don't think I nailed down yet . so she just never went back. she doesn't know if he's ACTUALLY dead or not but she does know it was NOT her fault but she just doesn't want to deal with that. Anyways. She's very neat. delightful even. she never wears a shirt if she's not fighting because she doesn't see what the big deal is about her tits. she only wraps them up when fighting bc her jacket is heavy and they get mad at her when she leaves them thangs out. her future girlfriend is great too if. vaguely gestures shrot would be so kind to even speak about her. Annie the girlfail bard lesbian. she's a delight as well. ermg. anyways. RUFFLES AROUND IN MY BAG LABELED MY BLORBOS.

OKAY FINALLY. something non dnd related. swag. okay.

This is Kurgou!!! I've had him for quite a few years now but I've recently been reworking dragons in the world they are in so he's been through some updating! very swag.

Kurgou is a dragon; dragons in the world he's in are very reclusive since the great burn(the overthrowing of dragons with a divine flame from the gods), and mostly live in mountians in small villages. Kurgou's father is basically akin to a village chief. His mom was sweet, his dad is kind of an ass, yk the jist. his sister is swag though. anyways.

Kurgou was basically born with a magic deficiency; his body basically can't store magic correctly, so it leaks out. He had to constantly eat stuff just so he wouldn't get to a deadly lack of magic. His dad didn't like that; basically started resenting him as soon as they found out.

At some point, he'd start lashing out when he'd get to a bad level of magic. didn't help that his dad really sucked with parenting towards him. His mom was really nice about stuff though. very swag. jist of it is 'daddy issues'. ermng ggg. yeaghg.

most major incident was when he was mayeb 11? kurgou was left with his dad while his mom was off doing stuff but his dad basically said "I'm not dealing with you" and left him on his own. 11 would normally be okay to be left along but dragons age differently than humans or whaatever, so he was striaght up just a little guy left on his own.

his momma came home like "holy SHIT where did my husband go!!! he left my son here!!!" and panicked and gave him some food or whatever because he basically was fucked. he was like a shivering pile of whatever. worst state he'd been in before. fevery like fuck. anyways. his brain wasn't working correctly in the moment and bit part of his mom's hand off . He never meant to hurt her but she was the best source of magic at the moment and that's what he needed so in his fucked up state he didn't register anything other than what he needed to eat or whatever. anyways.

this fucked up a LOT of shit for him. his mom didn't blame him, even if she was scared of him or whaetver, his dad started to HATE his guts, even going as far to convince the rest of the town or whatever to see they could ban his ass with his track record of being violent and now actively attacking someone, someone who he even loved and didn't antagonize him.

long story short, 12 year old booted from everything he knows and forced to go find somewhere else to call home. he's been traveling for like 20+ bc he's like 34 now and stumbled upon some little mountian village where he meets a vampire fae and a lion demihuman with a reputation he doesn't really seem to uphold which is going to become his forever family mefinks? we haven't roleplayed with them in a long while but they are delightful. very swag. Kurgou is neat 2 me.

ermmrmbhngrgrmrghgm. that's all I got for now but I have more. if you ever want me to make a list and you can pick a handful for me to talk about :) ermmmgnggg ya. I lvoe making characters it's delightful

#from the pouch #oc posting #spenxer lou art #lou is an artist #Kurgou #Nico Cybil #Carmine Ryder #uhmggggg. ya. twirls you around. das all I got :)

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