#gender troubles

[perfectlyripeclementine]

idk why i thought of this today but something that basically dissolved various identity crises for me is to think about sex & gender as things i do rather than things i am.

this is why the only label that feels comfortable to me really is queer. it’s really broad. it could mean anything.

i find other labels kinda break down if i look at them too closely. woman? like sure, in that i experience the pay gap, but also not really. trans? sure, in that i’m not cis, but i also don’t rly feel like i’m transitioning. lesbian? sure, i feel like i partake in lesbian culture and i’ve not been dating cis men for a while. but i do occasionally feel attracted to them. bisexual? sure, but a lot of people (both in & outside of the queer community) hear that and they think it means like, queer lite, easy mode. all of these definitions vary and i totally understand why it can be super affirming to find a label that fits right but ultimately, for me, trying to find a Definition for my Identity(tm) always ends up going down these super semantic wormholes that honestly … don’t feel super important.

what’s more useful to me than having a Certified Gender(tm) is finding what makes me feel gender. in no particular order, a list of things that feel absolutely gender: velvet, in general, and especially on a blazer; layered necklaces; a particular ring; short skorts; when someone bites into food i’ve cooked and they enjoy it; writing in a notebook i’ve almost finished.

it is a lot easier to define myself by things i do (or wear or choose) than to try and articulate some sort of innate authentic self.

it also kind of nixes a lot insecurity from often hearing the wrong name or pronouns. like … you can she/her me all you want but the strap felt pretty real when my partner was coming on it the other night. 🤷

so yeah. idk who needs to hear this but you Do Not Need labels if the process of finding one is spinning you in circles. you can just like, live here & vibe.

[letlovemeetlove]

"We fly to the sensation of sex in order to avoid the passion of eros."

-Rollo May, Love and Will, New York, Norton & Co., 1969.

[auressea]

social scripts for freeing oneself..

mulling/ musing:

What Short and Easy response can I say to (well-intentioned) people who ask me Gender 101 questions

about my pronouns specifically

about pronouns in general

what does "non-binary" mean anyway?

I require a different flavour of response for the liberal 'allies' who are not actually.. but don't know that about themselves.

about how they've just figured out They/Them and how are they supposed to remember everyone's neo-pronouns

about how they've always 'felt that way to' and they don't need to make a big public change about it.

about.. it's SO HARD! for *insert reason*

You were 'XYZ' when I met you and now It's hard for me to 'see you' any other way...

Of course I support "X-type" people, I have a "Z-type" family!

ALL submissions and suggestions Received!

[talesofsymphoniac]

"The love for the father is stored in the penis"

--Judith Butler, Gender Troubles (pg. 97)

[slutforsidewalks]

Oh naur, I'm having gender thoughts

[aahsokaatano]

Fuck it. Best quotes from chapter 1 of "Gender Trouble" by Judith Butler, in the opinion of a nonbinary trans man, because I'm sick of her words being twisted by TERFs.

"gender is not always constituted coherently or consistently in different historical contexts, and... gender intersects with racial, class, ethnic, sexual, and regional modalities of discursively constituted identities" (p. 4)

"it may be time to entertain a radical critique that seeks to free feminist theory from the necessity of having to construct a single or abiding ground which is invariably contested by those identity positions or anti-identity positions that it invariably excludes" (p. 7) (aka: TERFs can fuck right off)

""representation" will be shown to make sense for feminism only when the subject of "women" is nowhere presumed" (p. 8)

"there is no reason to assume that genders ought to also remain as two" (p. 9)

"when the constructed status of gender is theorized as radically independent of sex, gender itself becomes a free-floating artifice, with the consequences that man and masculine might just as easily signify a female body as a male one, and woman and feminine a male body as easily as a female one" (p. 9)

"If the immutable character of sex is contested, perhaps this construct called "sex" is as culturally constructed as gender; indeed, perhaps is was always already gender, with the consequence that the distinction between sex and gender turns out to be no distinction at all" (p. 9-10)

"The limits of discursive analysis of gender presuppose and preempt the possibilities of imaginable and realizable gender configurations within culture... Constraint is thus built into what that language constitutes as the imaginable domain of gender" (p. 12) (aka: the possibilities of gender are only limited by the language of the time, rather than any limits of 'nature' or 'culture')

“As a shifting and contextual phenomenon, gender does not denote a substantive being, but a relative point of convergence among culturally and historically specific sets of relations” (p. 14)

“The interpretive possibilities of gender are in no sense exhausted by the alternative suggested above” (p. 15)

“[Simone de] Beauvoir proposes that the female body ought to be the situation and instrumentality of women’s freedom, not a defining and limiting essence... Despite my own previous efforts to argue the contrary, it appears that Beauvoir maintains the mind/body dualism” (p. 16) (aka: Beauvoir argues that the mind and the body are inextricably linked when it comes to gender, Butler sees this as playing directly into the patriarchal systems that Beauvoir claims to oppose.)

“Feminist critique ought to explore the totalizing claims of a masculinist signifying economy, but also remain self-critical with respect to the totalizing gestures of feminism” (p. 18) (aka: stop generalizing! Stop treating “men” as a monolithic enemy!)

“oppressions cannot be summarily ranked” (p. 19)

“the insistence upon the coherence and unity of the category of women has effectively refused the multiplicity of cultural, social, and political intersections in which the concrete array of “women” are constructed” (p. 19) (aka: trying to define ‘women’ with specific parameters will always lead to the exclusion of people who consider themselves to be women)

“It would be wrong to assume in advance [of forming a coalition/community] that there is a category of “women” that simply needs to be filled in with various components of race, class, age, ethnicity and sexuality in order to become complete” (p. 20-21)

“Gender is a complexity whose totality is permanently deferred, never fully what it is at any given juncture in time” (p. 22) (aka: gender is a concept that is always in motion and never static)

“Indeed, precisely because certain kinds of “gender identities” fail to conform to those norms of cultural intelligibility [being cishet], they appear only as developmental failures or logical impossibilities from within that domain. Their persistence and proliferation, however, provide critical opportunities to expose the limits and regulatory aims of that domain of intelligibility” (p. 24) (aka: going outside of the cisgender binary exposes the shortfalls and potholes in the cultural expectation of being cisgender)

“[Previous theorists claim that] one is one’s gender to the extent that one is not the other gender, a formulation that presupposes and enforces the restriction of a gender within that binary pair” (p. 30) (aka: working with only two options (cis male or cis female) limits and outright disregards the lived experiences of people who exist outside that binary)

“The institution of a compulsory and naturalized heterosexuality requires and regulates gender as a binary relation in which the masculine term is differentiated from a feminine term, and this differentiation is accomplished through the practices of heterosexual desire” (p. 31) (aka: sticking to a rigid gender binary only furthers the goals of a cishet-normative culture that seeks to destroy the ‘other’ - in this case, people who are not cishet.)

“In this sense, gender is not a noun, but neither is it a set of free-floating attributes, for we have seen that the substantive effect of gender is performatively produced and compelled by the regulatory practices of gender coherence” (p. 34) (aka: gender cannot be ascribed to secondary sex traits (following a brief case study of an intersex individual), and is therefore a cultural performance)

“There is no gender identity behind the expressions of gender; that identity is performatively constituted by the very “expressions” that are said to be its results” (p. 34)

“[In the writings of Luce Irigaray] the return to biology as the ground of a specific feminine sexuality or meaning seems to defeat the feminist premise that biology is not destiny” (p. 41)

“The “unity” of gender is the effect of a regulatory practice that seeks to render gender identity uniform through a compulsory heterosexuality” (p. 43) (aka: the gender binary as we know it is the result of heterosexuality being enforced through cultural and legal channels, in an effort to dispel any queerness.)

“The presumption [in this book] is that the “being” of gender is an effect” (p. 45)

“Gender is the repeated stylization of the body, a set of repeated acts within a highly rigid regulatory frame that congeal over time to produce the appearance of substance” (p. 45)

Butler’s overall thesis statement/research question: “To what extent do regulatory practices of gender formation and division constitute identity, the internal coherence of the subject, indeed, the self-identical status of the person? To what extent is “identity” a normative ideal rather than a descriptive feature of experience? And how do the regulatory practices that govern gender also govern culturally intelligible notions of identity?” (p. 23) (aka: how does one’s environment and culture inform gender expression? Why is gender so closely linked with one’s sense of self?)

[panrao]

Spoilers, it's dysphoria

[thebluekid-underyourbed]

MY GENDEEERRR

Alt:

Discord conversation between my friend and I:

Me: This is so real there is only one gender

Friend: It's mine. Yeah I have it I'm sorry

Me: FUCK noooo I want the gender todaaayyy

Friend: yeah sorry my bad

Me: MOM SAID IT'S MY TURN WITH THE GENDER

Friend: see the thing is I took y'all's gender and then I put it in a chunk but then I walked away and all the stuff despawned sorry yeah we can't get it back my bad

Me: WHAT NOOOOOO MY GENDEEEERRRRR

[nenehyuuchiha]

[zephyrchama]

Vampire MC part III - with Leviathan

heads up - this is suggestive

(intro/vampire MC masterlist can be found here)

It was no surprise you hadn’t run into Leviathan since your transformation. He was more elusive than most demons.

You didn’t have a chance to see him until there was a commotion out in the hall. You peeked your head out from behind the bedroom door just in time to see Leviathan trip and fall, splendidly faceplanting on the hallway floor. Hard enough to make you wince. Mammon cackled as he ran around a corner, seizing his chance to escape.

“You have twenty four hours, you deadbeat!” Leviathan shouted, punching the floor and rubbing his fist into the ground. He was absolutely seething. His tail trailed out behind him, thrashing to and fro and bumping against the walls.

You opened the door a little wider. “Did Mammon forget to pay you back again?”

“Gah!” Leviathan, in the midst of picking himself up, stumbled and almost fell down again. “H-how long have you been there? No, uh, nevermind. Ughh. How uncool of me…”

He went to wipe his nose with a sleeve. That’s when you caught a whiff of something delectable.

”Levi, are you injured?”

“Huh? No? Oh, wait…” It was hard to see on the black fabric covering his hand, but you clearly spied a thin red line dripping out his nose. It was hard to ignore.

You gripped the door tightly, shying back behind it so Levi couldn’t see your face. “Come in here a second.”

---

The two of you sat on your bed as you fiddled with the latch of a first aid kit. The alluring scent of blood had a grip on your concentration and the more you tried to focus on the kit, the less your fingers seemed to work. Leviathan draped his tail over the footboard where it anxiously thudded against the hardwood every few seconds.

“So, um. I guess we both have a reason to avoid the sun now, huh? Ha…” he awkwardly trailed off. Leviathan looked concerned, like there was something more important to say, but he couldn’t quite find the words. He watched you with pity. All he could manage was, “are you okay? I know you’ve been through a lot, probably.”

As he spoke, another drop of blood slid down his face which he tried to cover with his hand. Your posture stiffened as you fought to ignore it. Leviathan was wholly ignorant of how much you were holding back. After all, vampires are supposed to attack humans. Who ever saw a vampire go after a demon?

The first aid kit finally popped open with a loud crack, spilling bandages and gauze over the sheets. You both jumped. In the scramble to help put everything back, Leviathan leaned in a little too close. Your pupils thinned and instinct took over, a burning urge to take care of the blood before it dried up.

You grabbed Leviathan by the shoulder. Not strongly, but enough for him to pause and give you a questioning look. Enough time to quickly close the distance between you.

Leviathan froze in place as you dragged your tongue over his lips and under his nose, cleaning up the traces of nosebleed. He was completely still, save for the quiver of his lips when your fangs lightly pressed down on them. Your hands moved to his chest as you snaked your tongue down his chin, lapping across the bare skin on the front of his neck, and prepared for a juicy bite. He held his breath. However, the sensation of something hard and cold on your teeth jolted you out of the fog.

It was easy to forget that Leviathan had scales on the side of his neck when in demon form. You pulled away with a “sorry,” mortified to have licked his face like that, but Leviathan started trembling in excitement. He was panting.

“That was just like Scarlet Moon! Even the way your eyes changed color! Do they do that when you’re hungry? It was just like my favorite scene from the spin-off manga when Kyuu and Ki-chan are locked in the forbidden tower and need to feed to restore their magic and escape.” His leg and tail bounced and his face was flushed. He kept talking on about the series and you couldn’t tell if his cheeks were red from being in such close proximity to you or from being so excited about his anime. Maybe both.

That paltry sample only made you more hungry though, like a light appetizer before the main course. You pushed the medical kit aside.

“Levi, you taste really good.” You parted your lips and breathed slowly, trying to pick up the scent again. It lingered on his gloves. “Can I have some more?” you asked. It wasn’t your intention to sound needy, the words just so happened to come out that way.

“Me? You really want some of me?” He could see the truthfulness in your body language, in how your eyes were now a deep crimson. Leviathan was not used to being craved. He covered his face again and wrapped his tail tightly around the bedpost, as if to anchor himself. As if he was the one losing control instead of you.

“I’m going to get eaten by a vampire? By you?” he stammered. “ I don’t think my heart is ready yet, do I need a bath? No, don’t run. That's pathetic. I’d do anything for you. I can do this! I’m just like Kyuu, I’m ready!”

You were gearing up while he rambled and pounced as soon as Leviathan gave the go-ahead. He yelped, not expecting you to literally jump on him and push him back against the footboard. Your fingers dug into his hoodie while your lips searched the bare side of his neck. The sound of his blood rushing a mile a minute made finding a prime vein easy.

His fanboy heart was too overwhelmed thinking about how cool this was - something he always fantasized of! - to fully notice your body melding against his as your thirst was satiated. He'd realize it when trying to relive the memory later. His hoodie made for a comfortable head rest.

Leviathan wondered, would it be too weird to ask you to do this again while you watched Scarlet Moon together?

[puppetmaster13u]

Hear Me Out

Yokai Amity. What are yokai? Japanese spirits. And not just ghosts, a majority of mythical creatures? Yokai.

So how did this happen? Well, like most things, it can be blamed on the ghost portal in the Fenton Basement. And a lot of ecto contamination. Because while they're a small city? They're also in the middle of nowhere, meaning a lot of their foods and crops, they grow themselves. And the ectoplasm? Started sinking into the ground first. Y'know, where every plant grows and then both humans and animals proceed to eat it? Made even worse when those like Overgrowth or Vortex came through? Yeaah, it'd be a miracle if they didn't get contaminated and no surprise that most don't notice their humanity slipping with time with how it's happening to everyone.

Which kind of makes the situation Danny has found himself kind of hilarious? At least to him. The trenchcoat dude seems to be having an aneurism or something similar.

"So... not a meta?" the tiny vigilante child clarified again, head tilting from where he stood at the head of his group. Honestly Danny was enjoying this from his place sprawled across the park bench Honestly Amity had spoiled him with benches designed for extra limbs.

The blonde man seemed absolutely done with everything, hands twitching as though about to cradle his head in his hands or grab something. "No," he wasn't shouting but it was close. "For fuck's sake- your all lucky not to be cursed or worse-" He turned towards Danny. "Why the fuck didn't you?"

The hainu shrugged, wings doing more of the motion than the rest of him. "They're babies-" Or at least one of them was, borderline liminal as they were. "You play along with toddlers." Honestly he saw why his old rogues found this fun, even if he'd never go as far as they did.

The entire team of vigilante children bristled, one opening their mouth to protest before trenchcoat-soul-dude glared at them all before turning back towards him.

"Though what the fuck do you need that for that you'd steal it- not that any artifact like that should be in a bloody museum and not locked away where idiots can't get to it."

He snorted, the sound more dog-like. Or really more yeti-like, what with how he was taking lessons from Frostbite which meant large chunks of time in the Far Frozen.

"Technically I don't need it, my kid does," Danny held up a finger, marveling slightly at the clouds. It was quite different compared to Amity, what with how everywhere was so ecto-infused that the sky was effected.

"And what does a hainu need with-" the trenchcoat man motioned to the cursed object, which honestly wasn't that bad. But...

"Oh no, he's not a hainu, he's furaribi." Danny honestly wasn't surprised that Jordan wouldn't turn out the same as he, de-aged or not. Not that he was memory-less or anything, cores didn't lose that easily, but he did still have the physical brain of a child.

"Adopted?"

"Nope," he hummed, going over the list of things he still had to do today before returning to Amity. Sam had asked him to get a few more flowers to test how ecto would effect them and he had to pick up some computer parts for Tuck.

"How the fuck."

"My sister's a kitsune, my other sister is a shirouneri, my mom is a shishi, my dad a baku, godfather's an itachi, my boyfriend a raiju, my girlfriend a kirin, and my other girlfriend a yosuzume," he ticked off his fingers, not seeing anything wrong with it. Not like people could get into Amity easily after the whole GIW thing.

"... what the fuck does your family tree look like, mate, because that should be bloody impossible."

Danny shrugged, giving a sharp toothed smile. Yeah, the realms didn't care about that with how malleable ecto was.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(In case it's not clear: Hainu Danny, Furaribi Dan, Kitsune Jazz, Shirouneri Danny, Lion Dog Maddie, Baku Jack, Itachi Vlad, Raiju Tucker, Kirin Sam & Yosuzume Valerie) (Also feel free to come up with what everyone else might be) (Highly recommend yokai.com for a quick summary of each creature)

[samd1o1]

There's obviously way more nby characters out there be these are the ones I know and are my faves!

[playfully-sadistic]

One thing about being a sadistic dom is that you'll never hear me say "Oh, baby, don't cry" to a sub, but you will see me grab myself through my pants and grin at you, if you start crying in front of me.

[disaster-theysbian]

Gotta say, I've been out as a lesbian for 3 years and nonbinary for a year and a half. And I've noticed something.

Just because someone *always* gets your name and pronous correct, and angrily calls out anyone who forgets, doesn't necessarily mean they support you.

Conversely, just because someone struggles to remember your name and pronouns, or can't wrap their head around gender neutral/neo pronouns at all, doesn't necessarily mean they DON'T support you.

This is applicable to any situation really not just queer shit. Watch what people do, not just what they say, and you will find your friends. Someone might shower you with compliments and have common interests with you, but what happens when you tell them no? Do they get angry when they are corrected? Do they have kind things to say about other people?

My colleagues wouldn't know a gender-neutral pronoun if one hit them in the face with a dictionary, but they make sure I've had a lunch break and get home safely. They have my back if I have a difficult patient. They defend me against other staff members who like to create drama and bitch about people as if they're still in the school playground. If someone has something to say about me being a big ol' queer, they make it known that discrimination has no place in our unit.

My best friend in the whole entire world forgets my name and pronouns every day. When the organisers of her therapy group changed "men and women" to "people" and "he/she" to "they" in order to be more inclusive, there was outcry. Everything from the "it just doesn't sound right" grammar-policing nonsense to the "f*cking special snowflakes are offended by everything". She came down on them like a ton of bricks. She said if the organisers hadn't told them that it was changing, that they wouldn't have noticed. She told them they obviously haven't loved someone outside of the gender binary and they were missing out. She then told them how she had seen me grow and develop since I came out, and how in awe she was of the person I had become. No, she doesn't understand it at all, but why should that mean that she can't be there for me and appreciate how happy I am to be able to be me? Why should that mean, because you lot don't understand it, that someone with the same issues as the rest of the therapy group feels unsafe and unwelcome and doesn't get their issues resolved? As a result, a few of them changed their minds, INCLUDING HER OWN FATHER, and the rest at least shut the hell up about it.

ON THE FLIP SIDE...

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns delighted in making me walk on eggshells, inventing reasons to be angry with me, convinced me I was a terrible person and even went as far as to try and turn me against my own therapist. They tried to tell me that my therapist only said I was a good person because she was paid to, and that because they themselves had a psychology degree that they could tell I had all these complexes and needed to work hard to be a good person, and it was unlikely I'd never get there. (I chose to listen to my therapist and stop being friends with this person).

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns continued to do things that made me uncomfortable when I asked them to stop. Never said in as many words "you're not allowed to hang out with your friends" but conveniently had an emergency every time I had plans, and accused me of being uncaring if I needed my own space. They knew I had difficulty asking for help, but still got angry with me when I asked because I didn't ask "soon enough".

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns told me they would look after me and they didnt. .

A queer person threatened to misgender me MORE when I corrected them.

I'm just saying, that if you choose to yeet everyone who doesn't get your name and pronouns right... that doesn't necessarily make you safe. We live in a very binary world. As much as we want that to change, it won't if we ignore or shout at the bits we don't like. (Believe me, I've tried).

[butch-with-a-deep-voice]

Me: Trans masc/trans man butches are sacred and deserve a space in the sapphic community as much as any other butch Also me: Can I please have a single post on this site about butches that refer to me, a butch, as a girl? As a treat? I really don't like being called a boy

[melloeyed]

Double Trouble

Johnathan Ohnn (The Spot) X GN! Reader

A/N: The reader has the same superpowers as The Polka-Dot Man from The Suicide Squad only with a few added cosmic quirks. Enjoy!

On the busy streets of Brooklyn, The Spot and Y/N walk past the oblivious citizens, donning their ‘inconspicuous’ disguises. Spot only had on a loose grey gym jacket, green sunglasses, and a brown wrinkled fedora, while Y/N wore a orange bucket hat, purple glasses, and an oversized red Hawaiian shirt.

Their disguises barely even covered the multiple spots on their pale skin. How the hell did they even go unnoticed?

The disguised duo walked towards the convenience store window, cupping their hands on the window in sync as they lean their heads in to get a better view.

“Ok, remember the plan?” Spot whispered.

“This is so stupid…” Y/N muttered.

“It’ll work, trust me!”

“Yeah, right. My idea was better!”

“Oh, just shut up and follow my lead!”

Y/N rolls their multicolored dot eyes as they follow Spot in the convenience store, re-running his plan in their head.

‘Distract the cashier while I steal the money from the ATM machine. Got it?’

Y/N sighs, walking towards the food isles. They clutch onto their rainbow backpack straps in anticipation as they peek over one the food isles, glancing at Spot, waiting for the signal.

“Excuse me, do you have uh, an ATM machine?” The Spot asked the cashier. “Yeah, around here in the back.” The cashier replied, barely looking at Spot.

“Preferably not chained to the wall…?” Spot muttered.

“What?”

“Uh, nothing!”

Y/N’s dot eyes lit up when the Spot looked at them, gesturing his head towards the cashier while walking towards the ATM. Y/N clenched their spotted fists as they take a deep breath, squeezing their eyes shut.

‘You got this, Y/N. You got this!’ They whispered to themself.

Y/N slowly jogs towards the cashier, rolling their shoulders in preparation. They clear their throat, trying to think of a distracting conversation to start.

“Uh, hi! I, uh…heard there was this…beverage…snack that uh…just came out. And I was wondering uh, where…do you sell it here…? If you do sell it here… can you, uh…tell me…where you…sell it? Which is…here…?” Y/N asked, sheepishly. The cashier just kept his eyes glued to the phone as a short pause passed.

Real clever, Y/N.

“What? I have no idea what you mean, man.” The cashier said, not even bothering to look at them. Embarrassment and frustration began to bubble in Y/N’s chest as they quickly tried to think of another distraction. Looking towards Spot’s direction, they tried their best not to facepalm when they see him struggling with the ATM.

Y/N though that this plan was the most ridiculous! It was boring, slow-paced, and embarrassing! They glance back towards the cashier, partially relieved that he didn’t bother to look up. Looking around quickly, Y/N tries to distract the cashier again. They burst out into fake laughter.

“Hahahaha! Hahaha! Y-You’re so funny! You don’t…know what I mean! Hahaha! You’re a…funny guy!” They said, with the most ‘convincing’ laughs.

Y/N was not good at this.

They quickly stopped their laughing and tried to think of another diversion, clearing their throat again.

“Uh… w-what I mean is-“

“Hey, who left this ATM on the sidewalk?” Someone said outside.

Oh, shit.

Y/N heart began to quicken when the cashier finally looked up. They both turn towards the loud banging noise from the back of the store along with the frustrated grunts that came with it. The Spot was trying to forcefully push the whole ATM through the smaller portal by bouncing on top of it. Repeat, tried. Y/N couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you fucking serious?!” They shouted.

“Yo, what you doing back here, man?” The cashier said, picking up a bat and surprisingly ignoring Y/N. (Which offended them.)

“Nothing, nothing. Everything’s cool, man. All good.” Spot said, jumping on top of the ATM to push it even further into the portal, “Just forgot my PIN number-“

“Get yourself out of here!”

The cashier tries to hit Spot with the bat, but thankfully he dodges it in time. On instinct, Y/N runs towards the cashier, balling their fists preparing to attack. The multicolored polka dots on their skin quickly began to glow along with their dot eyes.

Before quickly flickering off like a lightbulb.

Y/N looks at their hands, baffled by the failed attempt to use their powers.

“What?! No! Not now!” They shouted.

“Uh, Y/N a little help here!” Spot shouted, cowering away from the cashier’s swings. Y/N runs after the two trying to land a blow on the back of cashier’s head, only to end up slipping on a soda can and falling hard on their butt. On the ground, Y/N rolls their eyes when they hear Spot’s pathetic comments towards the aggressive man while he dropped different products from the isles.

“Sir, please just let us rob you!”

“There��s no reason to bring wood into this!”

“We’ve never robbed anybody in our life, please don’t make this a bad experience for us!”

“Bad experience? I’m trying to run a business here!” The angry cashier replied.

“With your goddamn head in the clouds?!” Y/N snarked at him, getting back on their feet.

Only to end up slipping and falling on their face.

“Why is the floor so slippery?!”

This was the duo’s very first robbery attempt. Obviously, Spot and Y/N didn’t have the best resources at hand when it came to being bad guys, but they were never the type of criminals to give up easily. Especially, Spot.

Y/N had a strong feeling that her partner in crime was a whole lot nervous than they were for their first robbery. Y/N was already fed up at the soft attempts of beginning their villainy, but can you blame them? They just wanted to get dangerous, kick some ass, and burn down buildings! But, the Spot was always there to dial them down.

Ever since the explosion incident that happened a year ago, the duo agreed to stick together and began to get ahold of their newfound cursed powers. They had pretty awesome powers too! I mean what could be better than having ability to make portals that can go to anywhere and anyplace you desire or summon glowing multicolored polka dots with omnipotent destructive powers?

There were a few gimmicks of their powers here and there, but to be honest, they could barely control it!

And now here the two were.

One running away from an angry cashier with a bat, while the other continues to slip and fall on the cluttered slippery floor with each step they take.

After the longest 23 seconds of their lives, Spot finally managed to trap the cashier in a nearby portal and Y/N finally gets up without slipping. Y/N helps Spot get his foot unstuck from one of the shelves. After the two quickly run towards the ATM, they place soda cans on the ground to push the large machine more easily.

“I told you this was a bad plan!” Y/N spat.

“Oh, yeah, that figures considering how much of a big help you were back there!” Spot spat back.

“Hey, the floor was already slippery before and if you weren’t such a klutz back there, I would’ve already handled him!” Y/N said.

“Well, what was I supposed to do?! Just sit there and let him hit me?!” Spot fired back.

“Hmm, I dunno maybe teleport him outta here! I’m sure it doesn’t take a genius!”

“Hey, I can’t think straight when I’m under pressure! You’ve known that since the day we met! Stop treating me like I’m a wuss!”

“That’s because you are one, when it comes to situations like this! Plus, my plan would’ve been a whole lot better!”

“Your plan was nuts!”

“I just said that we should walk into the store, knock out the cashier, time him up, lock him in the janitors closet, get the money, and get rid of the evidence by burning down the building!”

“With the cashier inside?!”

“…Yeah!”

“You are a very violent person and a bad sidekick.”

“What? I like violence! Plus, my powers are more cooler than yours so who the hell are you callin’ a sidekick?”

“Whatever, let’s just hurry up and get this ATM machine out of here before the police-“

“Why do people say ATM machine?” A voice said.

Spot and Y/N jolt up, looking around in surprise. “Huh? Who said that?” Spot asked.

The duo looked behind them and see Spider-man himself, hanging upside-down from the ceiling, casually eating a beef empanada. “The ‘M’ stands for ‘machines’!“ He finished.

“Spider-Man!” Spot and Y/N said in sync.

The duo felt the floor disappearing beneath their feet as they fell through an accidental portal, only to end up reappearing in the next isle, falling harshly from the ceiling to the floor. Spot and Y/N’s disguises only end up coming off during the fall, revealing their bare, pale, and spotted bodies.

The Spot only had black spots of different sizes covering his pale lanky body, his face being completely blank with only the largest black spot plastered across his face resembling a scribbled eye.

Y/N had multicolored polka dots covering their body, the bright colors contrasting from their light grayish skin. Their face is completely blank as well, with only two mismatched color dot eyes to show their expressions.

They groan in pain as Spot helps them up from the floor, nearly slipping again, but regains balance. They dust themself off as they look forward, seeing Spot jumping around in preparation as Spider-Man walks in front of them.

“Ah! Spider-Man, wow,” The Spot began, before he hit his foot against a box, yelping in pain, “This is real!”

Y/N tilts their head in exasperation at their partner’s action. “Johnathan, what are you-“

“Alright, Y/N, prepare your introduction.” He whispered back.

“My what?” Y/N whisper-shouted.

Spider-Man glances back and forth between the spotted duo, baffled, yet immersed by their bizarre and wacky appearance. “So are you like a cow or a dalmation?” He asked gesturing at Spot. He then glanced at Y/N and gestured at them, “And are you like supposed to be a clown or a painting?”

“I am…The Spot.”

Y/N looks at Spot with a, ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ face. “I’m sure that sounded a lot cooler in your mind.” They address. Spot just ignored them and stretched his arms out to them in a presenting manner.

“And this is my trusty sidekick…The Dot.”

“I never agreed to…never mind.” Y/N said.

Spot leans against the isles, propping his elbow on it, while placing his hand on his hip. Bread begins to spill out of the holes in his torso.

Y/N looks at him and quickly folds their arms leaning against the other side of the isle, nearly slipping in the process, trying to look cool and intimidating.

“We meet again, Spider-Man.” Spot began, ‘menacingly’.

“And we have a lot to catch up on.” Y/N finished, ‘menacingly’.

Spider-Man just laughs, pointing his empanada at the duo in an amused manner.