#gender hurts my head
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m1d-45 · 2 years ago
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Hello! It's a new anon here!
My name is Baby Cat/Out of pocket anon!
If I may, a SAGAU Aether x GN! Reader who has a mortal form that is has similarities to the divine creator but not enough to be confused as an imposter.
I'll clarify a bit, Aether dosent know that his beloved is actually the divine one, but instead thinks that they have simply been blessed with part of their beauty. Tevyat dosent know the creator has descended and is waiting, meanwhile Aether has the creator in mortal form as his darling partner.
-Baby Cat anon
P.S! My cat Duckie has recently warmed up to a new person!
a new tomorrow
a/n: ignore my dogwater schedule i have not written like at all for the past 2-3 weeks ahahah (also this is isn’t very romantic coded but i already hate this piece so my bad g)
word count: ~3k
-> warnings: canon-typical violence, microscopic spoilers for liyue story quest ig
-> gn reader (you/yours)
taglist: @samarill || @thenyxsky || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie || @boba-is-a-soup || @yuus3n || @esthelily || @turningfrogsgay || @cupandtea24
< masterlist > || next part >>
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when you’d first arrived in teyvat, you had fully expected to die, in honesty.
you were up on the top of starsnatch cliff, and had nearly fallen off in your initial panic if not for a sharp wind and a lucky break. you were much more mindful of where you walked after that, but mondstat was littered with impossible cliffs, and your memory of the area was sharply diminished when you didn’t have a little circle in the corner of your screen to remind you where you were.
you grabbed a few low-hanging sunsettias as you walked, making your way across a nondescript patch of grass. your plan was to just eat them as-is, but after a moments more thought into the idea, perhaps washing them first would be wiser. according to your memory, there were four main bodies of water: a lake and waterfall further north, the ocean to the east, cider lake to the west, and the state of the seven… somewhere.
the lake was surrounded by hilichurls and was a bit too close to the anemo hypostasis for your liking, the ocean was a no for obvious reasons, and cider lake didn’t seem like a particularly good idea, not to mention the only closest access to it you could think of was surrounded by hilichurls.
so, the statue of the seven it is. the only problem, of course, was that you had no idea where you were.
you tried to keep track at first, but then you had to climb down from one too many cliffs and had to take one too many detours around impossible ones, and now you were blindly walking. you could tell by the dense forest and the small lamp grass that you were somewhere in the whispering woods, but the thin path you were following have no indication of your direction. you hoped, of course, that you were headed north, but you didn’t know how to tell. the three sunsettias in your arms looked more tempting by the minute, but you were determined to clean them first. not only would that help you get your bearings again, but you’d lower the risk of whatever diseases were native to teyvat.
…which was something to consider further, in truth. your body wasn’t native, and hadn’t grown up with and developed an immunity to the bacteria here. would you get sick? had you already, and just had to wait until the symptoms developed? should you be more worried than you were?
the path around you was opening up, but you were too busy worrying to bother look up. what were the long-term effects of staying in teyvat? would you be intolerant or allergic to the foods here, because your body wasn’t used to processing them? what were the long term effects of-
“watch out!”
would you find out at all?
you looked over your right shoulder, at the voice that had called, and barely get a glimpse of bright gold before something white covers your vision, tiny hands pulling at your shirt.
“come on,” a high voice says, “follow paimon! let’s get away from the trouble.”
paimon-?
you stumble along with her, letting her take you further into what you now recognize as windrise. damn, wrong way.
“ooh, are those sunsettias?” you notice she’s blocking my your view of whatever’s behind her, likely the traveller and some enemies if you had to guess, judging by her presence and the sounds of metal on wood. “they look really fresh, too..”
you decide against trying to lean around her. best not to traumatize yourself on your first day. “uh, yeah, they are. would- do you want one?” you hold out one of the fruits. “i haven’t washed them yet, but…”
“oh, that’s okay!” she takes it eagerly, giving it a cursory wipe with her sleeve before taking a bite. “you don’t really need to wash em, in paimon’s experience! just a quick clean of any dirt and you’re all good to go!”
…that was stellar to hear.
you patiently wait, pretending the grunts and roars and sounds of clashing weaponry don’t exist. you try to offer paimon another sunsettia, since you know in-lore she’s almost always hungry, but she shakes her head.
“one for paimon, one for you, and one for the traveller! that way, everyone gets the same amount, and nobody’s upset!”
you don’t know how to feel about the fact that she addresses him as ‘the traveller’. on one hand, it makes sense she wouldn’t throw his name around like that. on the other, it feels… wrong. not in a way you can put a name to, but something about it is unsettling.
“did they offend you, or something?”
you startle, looking up, and see aether standing right in front of you, flipping through some hilichurl masks in his hands before passing two off to paimon, who puts them in a cloud of stars.
he looks at you expectantly, and you realize you had been frowning at the food in your hands. “o-oh! no, they.. sorry, i was lost in thought.”
he dismisses the rest of the masks into gold sparks with a nod. “are you alright?”
paimon gasps, hands over her mouth as she flies back a little. “oh, paimon forgot to ask! are you hurt at all? you don’t look like you’re from here…”
you flash her a smile you hope covers the change in topic. “i’m fine. and thank you,” you turn to aether, “your help is greatly appreciated-…” what do you address him as? you’ve technically never met, but to call him an honorary knight is probably unwise…
“the traveller is fine,” he says. “and you didn’t answer paimon’s question.” rats. “are you from teyvat?”
you hesitate, but eventually shake your head. “i’m not.”
he frowns. “how’d you get here?”
“i don’t know.”
“..you don’t have anywhere to stay, do you?”
oh no. you recognize that voice. “it’s fine, you don’t have to worry about me.” you glance around, eventually pointing at mondstat. it’s stunning in person, even from a distance, but you push past its beauty to talk. “there’s a city there, right? i’ll make do.”
“now’s a tense time, even mondstat isn’t as welcoming as usual.”
‘tense’? you don’t remember mondstat being involved in any scandals, and the skies seem clear, so you must be past the mondstat part of the story… “is something wrong? wait, don’t answer that; if it’s tense, then you surely have somewhere more important to be, right?”
paimon huffs. “paimon bets you’re broker than the tone-deaf bard!” wow, okay. “and a single sunsettia doesn’t get you far!”
aether raises a brow. “‘single’?”
“right!” you hurriedly pick the larger of the two, holding it out to him. “as thanks. she’s right, i don’t have any mor- uh, any more to give you, but it’s the least i can do.”
he shakes his head. “keep them. now, regarding your housing-“
“i can stay in mondstat-“
“the entirety of teyvat is on edge right now. the chances of an outlander being welcomed without hassle is low, even for mond.” he thinks about it, paimon mirroring the hand on his chin.
you try to think over the lore, attempting to remember something that could affect the entirety of teyvat. maybe you’re in the middle of the liyue quest? but why would he be in mond… unless you’re beyond the known lore, but in that case he has even less of a reason to be here, and not wherever the crisis is. not that that’s his obligation, of course, but given the trend-
“what’s your name, by the way?” you give it, and he frowns. “ah, that won’t do.” what. “i.. i don’t know about where you’re from, but where i’m from and here in teyvat, there’s a prominent religion that spans nearly the entire world here. this faith is the cause of the conflict i was talking about earlier.”
your heart picks up, and you pray it’s just some weird quirk of the lore you haven’t gotten to yet. maybe something with the heavenly principles? celestia? you regret not reading up on more of the lore now that you’re face to face with potentially a large part of it. “and?”
“you share the name with the primary god.” please don’t be what i’m thinking of, please don’t be- “the people of teyvat are rather protective of their creator, and doubly so now that their presence has gone missing.”
shit.
your mind flashes to all the sagau you’ve indulged in, to the break you’d taken a few days ago because your game had been acting up and you didn’t want to make whatever glitch it was worse in fear of losing your progress.
“oh,” is all you can say.
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living with aether is easier than you thought it would be.
by the time you wake, he’s out working for the guild, leaving you and most of the realm within to yourself. you try and be useful by tidying up, but tubby keeps most of the realm clean, so there’s little for you to really do. there’s rooms that weren’t in the game—likely because this is his personal realm—such as a massive library and big sunroom, and you pick through the former on occasion. there’s books about everything, from encyclopedias on flowers in sumeru to the types of silk used in inazuman clothing. everything you don’t understand or want clarification on is bookmarked, and after he’s come home and rested, you both talk about them over dinner.
sometimes he knows the answers to your questions. other times you write them down on a slip of paper, and he takes a detour that day to ask. even if it’s something from a nation he hasn’t visited yet, he somehow finds the answers, returning to you with a longer sheet as he explains. you don’t ask where he got it, nor why he’s so willing to entertain your surely silly questions, but it probably has something to do with the fact that you didn’t fish up a companion that could answer all of your questions about a world you didn’t know deeper than surface level.
similarly, the transition in your relationship was also smooth, so quiet you almost didn’t notice it was happening. it was just so easy to be around him, your familiarity with him outside of the game and implicit reliance on him as an outlander during the mess of teyvat making him easy to talk to.
you didn’t notice when you started greeting him with hugs more often, nor when you started eating side by side at the table, talking about more than just the books. you told him about your world, and he spoke of his, telling you beautiful stories of his sister and their travels.
(“every world i’ve been to has worshipped the creator in one way or another,” he says, pushing his empty plate to the side. “does yours really not?”)
(you make the choice to set aside the many religions on earth. “we don’t,” you say simply, and he frowns, resting his chin in his hand.)
(“how interesting…”)
once he was confident that you knew enough of teyvat and it’s people, he began to take you on his commissions. the realm within was nice, and tubby held good conversation, but cabin fever began to set in after a month or so. he held your hand as you walked, steering you out of the way of monster camps or other adventurers. he didn’t dare bring you on the ones requiring fighting, but you’d helped find lost keys or fallen boards, paimon always certain to pull you away from battle, distracting you with a chat about whatever meal aether would make later.
(“do you guys always cook? doesn’t adventuring pay well?” you asked once, trying to remember how much commissions earned in terms of mora. you never really kept track, nor did you try and figure out how much it was to buy food from places, but surely…)
(“mostly! mora typically goes to either ingredients or first aid supplies. paimon’s thankful he’s a good cook, it’d be impossible to survive otherwise.” she said it so simply, as if it was an easy fact and not awful that they couldn’t afford to eat out even after everything they’ve done.)
(“that’s terrible…”)
(“its not that bad! you’ve tasted his cooking before, it’s great!” that’s true, but- “besides, it’s been getting better recently. with the creator absent, he’s able to take the commissions himself. though it is nice, it’s still worrying they haven’t come back..”)
(the idea that you’ve been indirectly contributing to their situation makes you a bit sick.)
the three of you were walking through liyue, heading for the last commission of the day. shitou, the jade betting guy, needed more ores for his business, and aether was leading you through the city. he’d chosen the waypoint on the western side of the harbor so you could walk through the city, and you were happy he did.
it was so beautiful in person, the buildings and bridges so much more ornate than their models could do justice. the streets were crowded, but you weren’t overwhelmed when aether was beside you, pointing out a jewelry store or a traveling merchant showing off bright balloons to children. you passed one man holding a conversation with a millelith soldier, who was his brother judging by the informal way they spoke and the mentions of shared relatives. you crossed the bridge leading to the eastern half of the harbor, the smell of something sweet and flowery drifting in the air.
“is there a flower shop around here?” you ask, and aether shakes his head, pointing at a building you vaguely recognize.
“there’s a tea house there, and they specialize in rose tea. we could pick up some if you wanted to try it?”
“that’s fine, i was just wondering. i wouldn’t want you to buy something for me if i didn’t like it.”
he stayed quiet, but you could tell he was still thinking about it. “what’s the appropriate way to brew it… wait, do we even have a teapot?”
“i’d hope so, otherwise you’ll have a lot to explain to the adepti.”
he bumps your shoulder as you both begin to turn toward shitou, but you see he’s smiling. “you know what i mean, not that kind of-“
“teapot?”
your steps stopped suddenly, the new voice one you regrettably recognized.
aether turned, greeting zhongli with a smile and a small wave. “not the realm within, don’t worry.”
“that’s good to hear. i’d hate for it to be causing problems.” his eyes flicked to you, seeming to search for something. “and your friend?”
it was weird, the way he looked at you, and aether seemed to pick up on it, stepping forward a bit to block you while also making it seem like he was just turning to face zhongli better. “just someone helping me out. what are you doing out here, don’t you have a shift at the parlor?”
bless aether and his ability to direct conversations, bless him and the speed with which he reminds zhongli of the necessary urgency when working at the funeral parlor, successfully sending the man on his way, even if he gives you another searching look as he does.
“sorry,” aether said, giving your had a squeeze as he approached shitou’s table. “he’s probably cautious because you look like the creator.”
you return it, staying quiet as he hands over the jade and only speaking up once the two of you turn around towards the closer waypoint. “it’s alright. thank you for talking to him.”
he flashed you a smile, putting one hand on the waypoint. “of course. it’s the least i could do.”
liyue fell away in a flash of white, the familiar music of the realm within washing away any lingering feaf or unease from talking to zhongli.
maybe one day you’d come clean, stop lying about reading information from his library. maybe you’d tell him, maybe you’d confess to how crystalflies always seemed to follow you, the wind always at your back.
“what would you like for lunch?” aether called, pulling down ingredients from various cabinets before you even answer because he knows what you’ll say.
“surprise me,” you reply, and he chuckles. the same answer, every time, and every time he manages to find something new to make you.
today you would keep quiet again, as you had every other day. today you would root through the pantry when he forgot the flour, today you would set the table and pull out some paper, asking him about whether or not they had silkworm farms if silk flowers were so common, at least in liyue.
today he would smile, and today he would answer, and maybe tomorrow you’d tell him something he couldn’t reply to.
but that was tomorrow. and this was today.
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kakusu-shipping · 1 year ago
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headcanons for dating Kyoya from Ouran? Iirc he was one of my crushes when I first watched the anime as a kid and I always thought his glasses were so cool
Dating Kyoya Ootori Headcanons
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He's the kind of guy who says he'd want someone low maintenance, who'd let him put work first, but then you meet his friend group and realize he's full of shit and does need the balance of someone clingy, loud, and high strung. It's comforting to him, familiar.
He could plan a date if you wanted him too, and it'd be classic and romantic and expensive with every little detail and moment planned out, but all of it would be pure "what the internet said a good date would be". It'd be better to tell him what you want to do as a starting off point, and he'd go from there
Gifts are a lot like his date planning as well, he'll get you anything you ask for but if you don't tell him directly what you want, you're getting whatever the top google results for Good Gift for Romantic Partner is. He won't get you something you'd hate or wouldn't use of course, but he figures if you wanted something specific you'd tell him.
All of this changes of course when he's feeling petty. One of the other hosts call him out for being so passive in his relationship? He'll change his tune, get you something perfect you didn't even know you needed until right then, or plan a date to somewhere you'd always wanted to go but never actually considered. He knows you better than anyone else, even yourself, and he can prove it when provoked.
You're probably the only person who could convince him to put down a project before 2am, or even better the only one who could wake him up before noon on a day off and survive the encounter without a verbal lashing. Though you probably still can't actually get him out of bed without good reason.
If he was ever mean to you in the morning he would probably be rather mortified, and would spend the day trying to make it up to you, subtlety of course. Please don't take anything he says before he's fully awake to heart.
He has thousands of photos of you on his phone, btw. And on Tachibana's phone. And a few on Honda's. And maybe a couple on Aijima's as well. He can't help himself, he just wishes to capture every beautiful moment he has with you. He's considered equipping Honda with a professional camera to capture beautiful moments of the two of you together as well. He is the best of the staff at photography.
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burstingsunrise · 4 months ago
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i have so so so many thoughts and feelings about the way this fandom constantly refers to luke as babygirl without taking one single second to think about why maybe it's a problematic thing to do to luke specifically but i lack the ability to organize those thoughts and feelings into anything coherent and concise. can someone else please read my mind and do it for me.
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theghostofwilburtheworm · 7 days ago
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im a he in the same way an animal who u do not know the gender of is a he i think
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milfygerard · 5 days ago
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ok making these tags a separate post just so i have this like. on my blog bc its been in my head for days since a blog i was following posted a pretty nasty rant about "fetishist creeps" who talk about gerards gender and it messed with me.
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thegoatsongs · 2 years ago
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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months ago
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
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#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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unknownjesterr · 2 months ago
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NOT WORTHY
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httpfr3shlyrtten · 1 year ago
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I got asked if i was british for this one.
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Not again.
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misterradio · 10 months ago
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ppl wwho are kin with another mammalian creature are lucky you guys can do body mods like have sharp teeth and wear tails and stuff to be more like ur creature. how am i supposed to get bug like
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orcelito · 11 months ago
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hi i spent way too long on this to not share it
i made one of those. fav character bingos
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this is an. interesting assortment for sure. i sure do love them all very much. i feel like im tattling on myself with this tho lmfao
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bisexualseraphim · 1 year ago
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Do queer people who gatekeep sexualities and gender identities have nothing better to do like genuinely what is your problem. The whole point of the community is that gender and sexuality are more fuckity wuckity than man or woman, gay or straight and in almost 2024 we STILL have mfs going “nah that’s not a thing :/ you don’t belong in the community” unless they’re causing harm to others I seriously urge you to shut the fuck up. It is the easiest thing in the world to just say “hmm I don’t really understand that. But it’s their life and none of my business” and just move on with your life and let people live theirs. I do not give one iota of a fuck if someone identifies as a wolfgender they/them/bun/bunself AMAB transmasc who is only attracted to butches with curly hair and brown eyes IT DOES NOT AFFECT ME. I’m happy that they’ve found a way to express their identity that feels true to them and then I think about it no further. Like it takes active mental energy and emotion to get pressed over how someone expresses themselves and I don’t understand why you’d put yourself through that stress and then decide to be bitchy and make people feel like shit for being themselves. I’m seriously getting so tired of people in the community acting like it’s a fucking competition or you can only join if you meet X Y and Z criteria as if it’s some college mean girls sorority club. People are actively trying to take our rights away all the time and while this is happening we’re helping them by tearing our teeth into our own. Great
#I’ve just had enough of it exclusionists can fuck off I want nothing to do with you#You’re honestly no better than those LGB Without The T dickheads trying to kick people out for being ‘too weird’ or ‘not queer enough’#I’m always seeing people saying intersex people don’t belong or asexual people don’t belong. What the fuck is wrong with you#You think cishets just treat them normally once they explain who they are? I’d love to live in your world#Yeah they get treated totally fine in a world where ‘virgin’ is used as an insult and babies have forced genital surgery#[sarcasm]#Absolute dumbassery mental gymnastics Jesus Christ#You sound like edgy Conservatives with all the ‘X isn’t real it’s a new thing kids have made up’#That ‘weird’ gender or sexuality label you’ve just found out about? Has always been around#Always. You just have to look for it#And even if it is new WHO. FUCKING. CARES.#The last thing someone who’s just discovered themselves needs is more bigotry from the people who are meant to accept them#Unless they’re literally doing blackface or are an actual zoophile or some shit leave them the fuck alone they’re not hurting anyone#They’re not. I promise you being confused by something you don’t understand isn’t harm#Where’s that post about how discomfort and harm aren’t the same thing#Work on that shit.#Anyway I need to stop you all do my fucking head in#personal#vent#rant#queer discourse#queer politics#queer infighting#queerphobia#lgbtq#queer#trans#transphobia#acephobia#anti exclusionist
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s1mply-syst3m · 2 months ago
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A silly little rant =p
okay, so maybe a trigger warning? Like, talks of wilbur soot (for that people that need that, idk, I don’t wanna be inconsiderate or whatever cause that guy is controversial) and incel and whatnot cause it’s of me being in Incelbur fickin? Pog ig
Okay, so how I came to be is that I remember saying that “oh, I’m so like this guy, I AM this guy” and just thinking it was totally normal to think like that until I met this one person on QuoteV and learning about fickins. After that I was like “OHHHH, THATS WHY I LITERALLY FELT LIKE THAT GUY1!!1!1!1” but now I’m confused.
But like, I’m not really like my source anymore… like, I still probably have Obsessive Love Disorder and I still am an needy fck, but I like, I also don’t remember much of my sources memories—
and it kinda hurts me because I really want to remember it and I want to feel more like my source and it kinda hurts knowing that I’ve strayed so far for it. Like, I don’t know if that just happens sometimes, I’ve only learnt that I was a fickin about four months ago and I’ve never really been in any fickin communities before Tumblr so I don’t know if this is normal. I can’t ask my friends for help because I’d be damned if I told them I was a fickin of a guy that was an incel and the person who played him is hella controversial.
I also look nothing like him!! Like, I was born female, and even though that shouldn’t matter it does. It so does. Like, I WANNA BE A MAN!! I WANNA BE A MAN AND KISS MY BOYFRIEND AS A MAN AND BE IN LOVE WITH A MAN AS A MAN!! Speaking of partners, I’m not in loving with a fuxking E-girl. Like, I use to make jokes about how I’m waiting for my E-girl, but I’m literally dating a ghost man….
— 🫀
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dazzelmethat · 5 months ago
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youtube
*reaches out my hand and grabs you* I have the power to subject non vocaloid people to pinop..
TW: for flashing lights
Mushroom mother analysis in my tags. ..
#vocaloid#pinochiop#i saw this video link wasn't posted anywhere on tumblr and thought i should share#(i will be gendering protagonist as 'she' and writer as 'he' for simplicity)#anyway to me in my interpretation the song is written about specific person's reaction to mental illness/neurodivergence.#the fact that mushrooms are growing on heads is a reference to mushrooms only growing in darkness and-#-and is a common anime trope to imply that a character is depressed or a shut in (shimeji situation did this) (also a panel in ohshs)#there is this familiarity between the singer and who she is singing to (presumably the writer) like these are the words of a past lover..#making it feel like the pinop almost HATES the protagonist of this song. that he was called the one with the 'mushroom mother'#but it almost feels like that protagonist does become obsessed a little with the idea of not catching a mental illness from pinop#but then in their obsession of 'not catching it' they start exhibiting like a hypochondriac ocd but for mentalillnesses#the 'your mother is a mushroom mother' to me is a teasing (almost child like) jeer almost felt aimed at pinop/writer.#to imply that.. because his mother gave birth to him she's a mushroom mother. because he is a mushroom (like a yo mama joke)#in my mind the writer is insulting himself here. that the chorus is insulting him in that teasey child's tone#anyway later in the song the protagonist gets more paranoid about others spreading their emotional toxicity to her.#and in her sanitation attempt she winds up hurting other people (implied i think. because of the violence of setting mushrooms on fire)#eventually though I think she stops seeing mental illnesses as a flaw and instead of 100% hating she jumps to 100% loving them#tbh this interpretation is the shakiest part (because why would she put on a mushroom on her head in the end) (what does it mean??)#I think it means that she's embraced being allowed to be publicly mentally ill. and she takes that 'being allowed' as permission to be crue#the protagonist was cruel and toxic even before this transformation#then the writer.. in some perspective thinks about how in retrospect her actions were hollow#the writer surmises that living in that cycle would feel emotionally unfulfilling .. empty.#the writer here is coping with what was done to them in the past.. the person that hurt them enough to write this song#then now that she has those mushrooms growing on her head/is depressed and so the chorus of mushroom mother returns to poke fun at her#and in the end i think the writer joins in in that gloating chorus#The writer feels mixed on celebrating an 'ex' being confirmed as something he was for having#but there is also the celebration of being petty. and the franticness those sort of mixed emotions would give u..#and in the end the writer thinks that in the future that the world will keep changing on it's view on the mentally ill#but because those ending lines are repeated twice i think he's implying that there is a cycle to it#that there is a resignation to the world moving and changing into something else but not getting totally better
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mamawasatesttube · 11 months ago
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y'all i have had a headache literally since last year. it started on the 31st i think (my memory is kinda fuzzy at this point) and as of this morning fully transitioned into an actual migraine. i don't have class for another 2 weeks and i wanna READ THINGS and PLAY GAMES WITH MY FRIENDS and WRITE while i still have free time!!! and yet. all i have done today is sleep. i looked at a computer for about 15 minutes and had to go lie down. AUGH
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loeewenzahn · 11 months ago
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The dysphoria that hits me when I think about being in a relationship or dating someone is so nasty. I never feel less right in my body as when I imagine someone being attracted to me as a woman. It's like I can ignore my appearance and agab to varying degrees, and when someone pays my body a lot of attention I am the least able to do it and it hits me like a brick wall. Im disgusted to the point of thinking I'm ace, but whenever I just think of myself as a dude or self insert in fiction, it's like a 180 with my attraction and wanting to be desired. I hate it here
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