#funny demon guy with a cat named Lord so that he can say | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

absolutepokemontrash · 4 years ago

Text

The Brothers With an MC That’s Only Soft for Them

So, cute Headcanons are my kryptonite! Please enjoy, my fluff loving brethren!

Lucifer

We at Stupid Headcanons inc. recommend that MC does not inflate this bastard’s ego further, but if they choose to…

Lucifer, the morning star, a high ranking demon, does not need MC’s affection… that was a lie he C R A V E S it.

This pairing is actually quite complimentary, Lucifer is only soft for MC, MC is only soft for Lucifer, perfectly balanced.

MC shouldn’t expect Lucifer to be too reciprocal to their affections in public until they’re both neck deep into the relationship, but in private, hoo boy.

The “good job!”s, the hugs, the quick pecks on the cheek, all of it just made Lucifer practically melt. He adores all the affection, and it’s all for him.

Finally, someone in this house appreciates him…

“Lucifer, try not to overwork yourself, if you need anything, just ask, okay?” “Thank you, MC.” “Hey MC! I need help, pass me the remote.” “YOU CAN WALK OFF A CLIFF BELPHIE! Love you, Lucifer.”

And to be honest, some of the roasts are funny, but MC, dearest, please dial down the sass near Lord Diavolo.

Mammon

Of course MC’s favourite is the Great Mammon! Heh, who else would it be? Not that he needs this human’s affection or anything!

…screw it, please MC, give him more head pats.

Hand holding, hugs, resting his head on MC’s lap… Mammon’s really living the life.

In public Mammon is constantly trying to get MC to shower him in praise and affection in his own weird tsundere kind of way. It’s good thing MC is always willing to give their demon all the love they have.

It just makes him so happy that all of MC’s affection belongs to him, it makes his greedy little heart sing.

MC’s love and care tragically does not save him from being caught for his shenanigans, but MC, stone cold bitch that they are, will always do something bad to get strung up next to him.

“MC, what’re ya doin’ here?” “Oh you know babe, just hanging around.”

Nothing makes him smile more than when they stick up for him, to MC, he isn’t scummy trash, he’s the great Mammon! Their super amazing guardian! He does what he can to live up to MC’s image of him!

Since Mammon’s super supportive of his human, he’ll always provide reaction sound affects whenever MC delivers a verbal smack down.

Levi

MC likes him? Must be a joke. Who’d like a gross Otaku like him…?

The human exchange student apparently.

They’d listen with a look of pure adoration on their face whenever Levi would ramble about his favourite anime, they’d help him organize his figurines, they’d play video games with him…

Man… MC’s really playing the long con here on this practical joke.

When Levi isn’t drowning in self doubt, he absolutely loves how sweet and gentle MC is around him, a side only he gets to see… *swoon*

A cold mean character that’s only soft for their love interest??? That’s one of Levi’s top five favourite romantic tropes!

Levi’s often taking notes on MC’s snappy remarks so he can sass people while he streams, he’s not too good at it, so he just streams with MC present. His viewership goes up whenever exponentially whenever MC says anything.

“Someone in the chat just said I must be insanely lonely-” “There’s no way in hell you’re lonelier than that guy at night. His bed ranks number one in the top ten loneliest places ever.”

Satan

At first, Satan took more of an analytical interest in MC’s attitude, they’re either suicidally impulsive or very confident in their ability to run from danger if they think they can sass demons and get away unscathed.

Once the two connect and MC goes soft for him, it’s game over. Satan’s weakness is cute things, and nothing is cuter to him than his usually mean MC raining affection and compliments down upon him!

Satan finally has a leg up on Lucifer! The human adores him and isn’t afraid to talk back to that pretentious motherfucker-

MC sits in Satan’s lap and the two read together, they smuggle cats into the house, they lay in bed together plotting the downfall of their enemies… just normal couple things.

Sometimes MC just sits next to him and makes a particularly nasty quip at someone else, then give him a big ol kiss on the cheek.

It just makes him oh so happy…

“Honey, I brought you tea!” “Ah, thank you MC.” “I took it from Lucifer’s private stash of relaxing tea :D” “You really are my soulmate, aren’t you?”

Asmo

Gasp! MC’s so mean! Do it more!

Asmo, sassy god he is, appreciates a good snide remark or twelve, so he’s always got a front row seat to MC’s shennaniganery.

Before the pact, he was back in the peanut gallery with Satan wondering when MC’s words would come back to bite them, but after the pact, nothing’s touching the human. Their sass is completely consequence-less as long as Asmo’s around!

These two are a match made in hell, literally. Asmo and MC get to be so in sync that they manage to make each other’s insults better by working together.

“I’d give you the name of a few surgery places but I don’t think they implant brains into unlucky people like yourself.” “They might be able to implant a better personality though~.”

Asmo’s fully willing to flaunt his relationship in public. Sort of in a “look at us! MC’s only nice to me! Eat shit losers!” kind of way.

It isn’t all vanity and insults, MC always finds a way to make Asmo feel better whenever he’s feeling down. MC makes sure to tell Asmo as often as possible that they love him for more than just his looks, and it makes the Avatar of Lust swoon.

Just as long as MC never turns their razor sharp wit on Asmo, he’s their cheerleader forever.

Beel

Good choice, MC.

Despite his resting bitch face, Beel’s a big softie, everyone knows that, and as the Simpsons said, ‘the strong must protect the sweet’.

Well… MC isn’t as strong as Beel, but they will verbally eviscerate anyone who even dares insinuate anything not nice about their precious gigantic cinnamon roll!

“Listen up bitches! Not you Beel, we’re all glad you’re here.” “^_^” “Y’ALL ARE IN DEEP SHIT.”

Beel loves how affectionate MC is! Doesn’t matter if it’s in public or private, he and MC are almost always at least holding hands.

MC always has emergency snacks on them, they never get upset when Beel eats everything in the house, they just smile and hand over whatever food they have on them and help fix the problem.

Beel is probably one of the only characters who would try and get MC to branch out and be nicer to everyone and not just him. Whether this works depends on MC.

Belphie

Does he deserve this? No. Did he almost start crying when MC began to show him genuine care and affection? Yes. Does he nearly die of laughter every time MC snaps at someone? Yes.

Belphie’s not sure why MC decided that they were going to love him of all demons… but they just… understand him.

They listened patiently and offered a shoulder to cry on, even after he hurt them… their understanding, their compassion, just wow. Belphie really lucked out.

MC lets him nap, fluffs his pillows, reminds him to wash his pillow cases and comforter, gets him sushi, like geez… what a simp… *sniffle*

In return, Belphie offers cuddles. Cuddles and quality time together. For the first time in how many millennia Belphie is going to get off his ass and do something for someone if they ask.

It’s a miracle.

Belphie isn’t one for flaunting a relationship but… he may just let some people know that this super mean human likes him the most by giving his human a quick kiss.

933 notes · View notes

thedeadhandofseldon · 4 years ago

Text

The Anti-Mercer Effect

On the Accessibility of D&D, Why Unprepared Casters is so Fun, and Why Haley Whipjack is possibly the greatest DM of our generation.

(Apologies to my mutuals who aren’t in this fandom for the length of this, but as you all know I have never in my life shut up about anything so… we’ll call it even for the number of posts about Destiel I see every day.

To fellow UC fans - I haven’t listened to arc 4 yet, I started drafting this in early August, and I promise I will write a nice post about how great Gus the Bard is once I get the chance to listen to more of his DMing).

Structure - Or, “This is not the finale, there will be more podding cast”

So, first of all, let’s just talk about how Unprepared Casters works. Because it’s kind of unusual! Most of the other big-name D&D podcasts favor this long, grand arcs; UC has about 10 hours of podcast per each arc. And that’s a major strength in a lot of ways: it makes it really accessible to new listeners, because you can just start with the current arc and understand what’s going on!

And by starting new arcs every six or seven episodes, they can explore lots of ways to play D&D! Classic dungeon delve arc! Heist arc! Epic heroes save the world arc! Sportsball arc! They can touch on all sorts of things!

And while I’m talking about that: Dragons in Dungeons, the first arc, makes it incredibly accessible as a show - because it lets the unfamiliar listener get a sense of what D&D actually is. (It’s about telling stories and making your friends feel heroic and laugh and cry, for the record). If I had to pick a way to introduce someone to the game without actually playing it with them, that arc would definitely be it.

And I’d be remise not to note one very important thing: Haley Whipjack and Gus the Bard are just very funny, very charismatic people. Look. Episode 0s tend to be about 50%(?) those two just talking to each other about their own podcast. It shouldn’t work. And yet it DOES, its one of my favorite parts, because Haley and Gus are just cool.

And a side note that doesn’t fit anywhere else: I throw my soul at him! I throw a scone at him - that’s it, that’s the vibe. The whole podcast alternates between laughing with your friends and brooding alone in a dark tavern corner - but the laughs never forced and the dark corner is never too dark for too long.

Whipjack the Great - Or, the DM is Also a Player!

I think Haley Whipjack is one of the greatest Dungeon Masters alive. The plots and characters! The mechanical shenanigans! The descriptions!

Actually, let’s start there: with the descriptions. (Both Haley and Gus do this really fucking well). As we know, Episode 0 of each arc sees the DM reading a description - of a small town, or the Up North, or the recent history of a great party. And Haley always strikes this tricky balance - one I think a lot of us who DM struggle with - between giving too much description and worldbuilding, and not telling us anything at all. She describes people and events in just enough detail to imagine them, but never so much they seem static and unreal - just clear enough to envision, but with enough vagueness left to let your imagination begin to run wild.

While I’m thinking about arc 3’s party, let’s talk about a really bold move she made in that arc: letting the players have ongoing control of their history. Loser Lars! She didn’t try to spell out every detail of this high-level party’s history, or restrict their past to only what she decided to allow - she gave them the broad outlines, and let them embellish it. And that made for a much more alive story than any attempt to create it by herself would have - but I think it takes a lot of courage to let your players have that agency. Most Dungeon Masters (myself included) tend to struggle with being control freaks.

And the plots! Yeah, arc one is built of classic tropes - but she actually uses them, she doesn’t get caught up in subverting everything or laughing at the cliches. And it’s fun! In arc 3, there really isn’t a straight line for the players to follow, either - which makes the game much more interesting and much trickier to run. And her NPCs are fantastic and I will talk about them in the next section.

Above all, though, I think what is really impressive is how Haley balances mechanics, and rules as written, with the narrative and rule of cool - and puts both rules and story in the service of playing a fun game. And the secret to that? She’s the DM, but the DM is a player, and the DM is clearly having fun. Hope Lovejoy mechanically shouldn’t get that spellslot back, but she does, and it’s fun. The changeling merchant in Thymore doesn’t really make some Grand Artistic Narrative better, but wow is it fun. And she never tries to force it one way or the other - the story might be more dramatic if Annie didn’t manage to banish the demon from the vault, but it’s a lot cooler and a lot more fun for the players if Annie gets to be a badass instead - and the rules and the dice say that Annie managed it.

Settings feel like places, NPCs feel like people, and the narrative plot feels like a real villainous plot.

Anyway. I could go on about the various ways in which Whipjack is awesome for quite a while - she’s right, first place in D&D is when your friends laugh and super first place is when they cry - but I’m going to stop here and just. Make another post about it some other time. For now, for the record I hold her opinions about the game in higher esteem than I do several official sourcebooks; that is all.

Characters - Or, Bombyx Mori Is Not an Asshole, And That Matters

Okay, I said I would talk about characters! And I will!

Just a general place to start: the party! All of the first three parties are interesting to me, because they all care about each other. Not even necessarily in a Found Family Trope sort of way, though often that too. But they generally aren’t assholes to each other. The players create characters that actually work together, that are interesting; even when there’s internal divisions like SK-73 v. Sir Mr. Person, they aren’t just unpleasant and antagonistic all the time. Listening to the podcast, we’re “with” these people for a couple hours - and it isn’t unpleasant. That matters a lot. (To take a counter-example: I love Critical Role, but the episode when Vox Machina pranked Scanlan after he died and was resurrected wasn’t fun to listen to, it was just uncomfortable and angering and vaguely cruel).

All of the PCs are amazing, and the players in each arc did a great job. If you disagree with me about that, well, you have the right to be incorrect and I am sorry for your loss. Annie Wintersummer, for one example: tragic and sad and I want to give her a hug, but also Fuck Yeah Wintersummer, and also her familiar Charles the Owl is the cutest and funniest and I love him. And we understand what’s going on with Annie, she isn’t some infinite pool of hidden depths because this arc is 7 episodes and we don’t have time for that, but she also has enough complexity to be interesting. Same with Fey Moss: yeah, a lot of her is a silly pun about fame that carries into how she behaves, but a lot of how she behaves is also down to some good classic half-elven angst about parenthood and wanting to be known and seen and important. (Side note: if your half-elf character doesn’t have angst, well, that’s impressive and also I don’t think I believe you).

There are multiple lesbian cat-people in a 4-person party and they both have requited romantic interests who aren’t each other. This is the future liberals want and I am glad for it.

Sir Mister Person, the human fighter! Thavius, the edge lord! Even when a character is “simple,” they’re interesting, because of how they’re played as people and not action-figures. And that matters a lot.

In the same way: the NPCs. There really aren’t a lot of them! And some of them come from Patreon submissions, so uh good work gang, you’re part of the awesomeness and I’m proud of you! The point being, the NPCs work because enough of them are interesting to matter. It’s not just a servant who opens Count Michael’s door, it’s a character with a name (Oleandra!) and a personality and history. They’re interesting. Penny Lovejoy didn’t need to be interesting, the merchant outside the Laughing Mausoleum didn’t need to be interesting, but they ARE! And Haley and Gus EXCEL at making the NPCs matter, not just to the story but to us as viewers. I agree with Sir Mister Person, actually, I would die for the princesses of the kingdom. I actually care about Gem Lovejoy of all people - that wouldn’t happen in an ordinary campaign! That’s the thing that makes Unprepared Casters spectacular - and, frankly, it’s especially impressive because D&D does not tend to be good at making a lot of interesting compared to a lot of other sorts of stories.

And, just as an exemplar of all this: Bombyx Mori. Immortal, reincarnating(?), and described as the incarnation of the player’s ADHD. I expected to hate Bombyx, because as the mom friend both in and out of my friend-group’s campaigns, the chaos-causer is always exhausting to me. And yeah, Bombyx causes problems on purpose! But! She is not an asshole.

And that’s important. Bombyx goes and sits with the queen and comforts her. Bombyx gives Annie emotional support. Bombyx isn’t just a vehicle to jerk around the DM and other players; Bombyx really is a character we can care about. To compare with another case - in the first couple episodes of The Adventure Zone, the PCs are just dicks. Funny, but dicks. Bombyx holds out an arm “covered in larva” to shake with a count, and robs him of magical items, but she also cares about her friends and other people! She uses a powerful magical gem to save her fertilizer guy from death! Yeah, Bombyx is ridiculous, but she’s not just an asshole the party has to keep around for plot reasons; you can see why her party would keep her around. And one layer of meta up, she’s the perfect example of how to make a chaotic character like that while still being fun for everyone you’re playing with, which is often not the case. And I love her.

The Anti-Mercer Effect - Or, “I think we proved it can be fun, you can have a good time with your friends. And it doesn’t have to be scary, you can just work with what you know”

The Mercer Effect basically constitutes this: Matthew Mercer, Dungeon Master of Critical Role, is incredible (as are all of his players). They’re all professional story-tellers in a way, remember, and so Critical Role treats D&D like a narrative art-form, and it’s inspiring. Seeing that on Critical Role sets impossible standards - and people go into their own home games imagining that their campaigns will be like Critical Role, and the burden of that expectation tends to fall disproportionately on the DM. And the end result, I think, of the Mercer Effect is that we get discouraged or intimidated, because our game isn’t “as good as” theirs. (And I should note - Matt certainly doesn’t want that to be our reaction).

So the Anti-Mercer Effect is two things: it’s D&D treated like a game, and it’s inspiring but not intimidating. And Unprepared Casters manages both of those really freaking well. Because they play it like a game! A UC arc looks just like a good campaign in anyone’s home game. They have the vibes of 20-somethings and college students playing D&D for fun because that’s who they are (as a 20-something college student who plays a lot of D&D, watching it felt like watching my friends play an especially good campaign). They’re trying to tell a good story, sure, and they always do. But first and foremost, they’re trying to have fun, and it shows, and I love the UC cast for it.

And that’s the other half of it: it’s inspiring! It’s approachable; you can see that Haley and Gus put plenty of work into preparing the game but it also doesn’t make you feel like you need hundreds of pages of worldbuilding to run a game. Sometimes a cleric makes Haley cry and she gives them back a spell-slot from their deity! That’s fantastic! It’s just inspiring - listening to this over the summer, when my last campaign had fallen apart under the strain of graduation, is why I decided to plan and run my new one!

That quote from Haley Whipjack that I used as the title for this section? That’s the whole core of this idea, and really, I think, the core of the podcast.

The Mercer Effect is when you go “that’s really cool, I could never do that.” But Unprepared Casters makes you look at D&D and go “wow, that looks really fun. I bet I can do that!” And I love the show for it.

And I bet a lot of you do too.

#unprepared casters #bombyx mori #haley whipjack #long post #this is really rough but I don't have time to keep working on it and it's already a month later than intended

86 notes · View notes

cowboymirio · 4 years ago

Text

They Want To Get A Pet - Headcanons

Summary: Your S/O wants a pet and adorable antics ensue~

Characters: Hizashi Yamada, Taishiro Toyomitsu, Aizawa Shouta, Eijiro Kirishima, Tenya Iida, Hanta Sero, Takami Keigo

Contains: Gender neutral reader, lotsa fluff, Reader has arachnophobia in Sero’s part! Crackheadery in Aizawa’s part

Hizashi Yamada - Cockatoo

📣 You guys totally didn’t plan on getting a cockatoo, or any pet for that matter. Y’all just moved into your new place for christ’s sake!

📣 But after a visit to a lil exotic pet store downtown, your plans changed. And now you’re stuck with a bird with the intelligence of a toddler

📣 According to Yama, the bird just ‘called to him’ and by that, he means the bird literally screamed at him

📣 They’ve got the most bougie cage ever like MTV cribs hit them up.

📣But he doesn’t spend too much time in there as you guys let him roam around the house all day until it’s time for bed or if you leave for a while

📣 If they’re not attached to Yama’s shoulder, you often find them waddling around the house, picking things up off of the floor and throwing them, and squawking at you when they want attention

📣 Sounds like someone else you know huh…

📣 Yama and the bird dance together so much omg. They do the lil head bobs together, he’ll blast some music for them and they go to town he even chirps along to the lyrics omg-

📣 He doesn’t even have to teach them words, they just pick them up on their own… and then never stop saying them… ever

📣 ‘YEAHHHHH’ then from the other side of your home you hear another ‘YEAAHHHHH’

📣 Make it stop

📣 You taught them cuss words for the shits and giggles though

📣 Yama finds it funny too though because he’s got that 8-year-old sense of humor… you all do to be honest

📣 But when the bird chooses to sit on your shoulder you bet your ass Yamada’s gonna fawn over the two of you for the next hour :’)

Taishiro Toyomitsu - Pyrenean Mastiff

🍢 Really wants a pet

🍢 But also really scared of crushing them so…

🍢 You guys settle for a big ‘ol Pyrenean mastiff!

🍢 And when I say they’re big they are big like… I mean knock you over if you’re not careful big

🍢 They’re literally perfect for each other

🍢 They’re both massive units, insanely adorable, and they for sure share the same appetite

🍢 Speaking of food, he makes sure he’s feeding them the best of the best foods even if that means y’all are making it yourselves

🍢 Not as afraid to roughhouse with them as he thought he’d be

🍢 Lots of fetching, frisbee throwing, ‘wrestling’ even?? They’re so rowdy and for what? My heart, that’s what <3

🍢 The dog definitely sleeps on top of him I don’t make the rules

🍢 Mf just hops on up, curls up and they’re ready to go like--- Is that- is that not y’know,,, HEAVY??

🍢 I mean,,, you sleep on top of him too so I honestly don’t think Tai cares too much

Aizawa Shota - Cat

💤 You guys already know…

💤 If he were to get any kind of pet it’d be a cat.

💤 They’re chill, independent, and sometimes want attention. Just how he likes it.

💤 Well… that’s how he thought that things should be but-

💤 BOY was he wrong

💤 After living together for quite a while, stalking animal shelter websites for the perfect cat, and finding the right one, you bring them home!

💤 When you met them at the shelter, they were a sweet lil baby with an aloof attitude that you both fell in love with

💤 But when you brought them home… They became an absolute crackhead.

💤 Forget having ANYTHING on the tables or countertops. It’s on the floor now thanks to them. Fuck your water glass, fuck those papers you were helping Aizawa grade, they’re gone! Shredded! Positively destroyed :)

💤 Forget having free hands, they’re literally attached to his side and won’t stop rubbing against his hands while he’s grading papers and such

💤 If you’re not watching his little dude/ette will try and eat food WHILE YOU’RE COOKING oh my fuckingf god

💤 Heaven forbid this dude tries to leave the room. They’ll ‘cry’ until he comes back.

💤 ‘Go to your other parent, they’ll give you attention.’ ‘mEEEOWWW’ ‘Oh my god fine come here.’

💤 Honestly though he really appreciates when they’re down to sleep. Their purrs and their cuddles are very appreciated

💤 And literally just imagine seeing them curled up on his chest while they sleep on the couch ;; im so somft

Eijiro Kirishima - Bearded Dragon

🏮 This man wants to get THE manliest pet of all,,, a bearded dragon

🏮 He probably saw one on a movie or something and immediately came to you like

🏮 ‘Okay but we neeeeed one just look at their lil beards!! And their tongues!!!’

🏮 You tell him to put it off for a bit, do some research, and see if he still wants one later

🏮 Homeboy is DEDICATED so he puts in the time and ofc he still wants one after the fact

🏮 After a good amount of time, he comes back with a books worth of reasons as to why you guys should get one and you’re honestly shocked

🏮 You just can’t say no to those eyes </33 so you oblige and go out and get one from an owner who’s surrendering it (Because we don’t support chain pet stores in this household)

🏮 You guys can’t pick a name for them so for the longest time they’re just called ‘the lizard’ or ‘little fella’ or whatever else you guys come up with

🏮 Anyways- he’s infatuated with them it’s so funny. He spends all of his freetime watching them get used to their new habitat like,,,, all of it. It’s 1am and he’s just watching it hang out and you’re like ‘Kiri if you love it so much then why don’t you sleep with it’ (not in that way ya nasty)

🏮 HE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY

🏮 Next thing you know he hops out of bed, brings them back and puts them between your pillows.

🏮 Lil homie’s just vibin there.

🏮 You’re done tbh but if Kiri’s happy then you’re happy <33

🏮 Absolutely lets it sit on his shoulders when he’s walking around the house

🏮 He has a leash for them and he takes them out during the warmer months

🏮 Dedicates a good portion of his day to clean out their habitat when need be

🏮 Their relationship is just so cute you can’t help but melt every time you see them together

Tenya Iida - Tropical Fish

🌟 After a particularly rough finals season, you figure that Iida needs to have some sort of hobby that can help him chill out, but also has some sort of brainwork in there because that’s your boyfriend for ya

🌟 You suggest getting some fish!

🌟 He rly said ‘I’ll think about it’ then proceeded to do a shit ton of research on it because he literally does that every time you express interest in something. King behavior!!

🌟 You guys settle on getting a few tropical fish and a super nice fish tank for ‘em

🌟 He lets you name all of them and of course you have to name one ‘Iida junior’ like how could you not-

🌟 But seriously though he finds it so endearing and sweet ;;

🌟 You can’t tell me he doesn’t buy all of the nicest shit he can for their tank too.

🌟 Fresh aquatic plants, huge rocks for them to swim through, a nice ass heater, the WORKS

🌟 He’s gotta treat yall’s babies right like what did you expect

🌟 Constantly checking their water to see if it’s alright for them

🌟 He’s usually the one to feed them so whenever he comes up to the tank, they all crowd up by the top like doggies when their owner comes home omg

🌟 He finds the noises from the tank to be really good background noise when he’s reading or studying

🌟 Iida’s honestly glad that you suggested to get fish ‘cause taking care of them is such a relaxing hobby and lord knows he needs some of those

Hanta Sero - Rose Haired Tarantula

🧵 So he wants a Rose Hair Tarantula...

🧵 ‘Absolutely not’ - You, 2021 (sorry if you actually like spiders lol, if a singular person wants hcs where y’all both like spiders please @ me)

🧵 Lots and lots of begging and promises

🧵 ‘You won’t even have to clean the cage, I’ll do it!!’ ‘We can keep them in the spare room’ ‘c’mooon pretty please???’

🧵 He had to bust out the puppy eyes for you to say yes

🧵 And with that, you’re now the proud parents of a demon rose hair tarantula!

🧵 ‘We can keep them in the spare room’ your ass. He lets it climb all over him while he’s walking around the house!!

🧵 Not you actively avoiding him when you see them coming down towards you

🧵 ‘But I wanna kiss!!’ ‘Kiss your tarantula smh’

🧵 After he realizes he’s not gonna get any with his lil buddy (yes, that’s what he calls them) he tries his best to help you familiarize with em

🧵 I’m sorry but he’s trying so hard not to laugh as you freak out when they crawl up your arm

🧵 He takes things more seriously after that though. He’ll give you lil words of encouragement, back pats and such

🧵 He’s so happy that you become… tolerable after a while of you guys just hangin’ out that you can’t help but feel proud too.

🧵 You still can’t stand spiders though.

Keigo Tamaki - Bunnies

🐤 Just like Aizawa, he wants something that’s quiet and can be independent since his schedule is a bit busy but he still wants to have a lil buddy to love on

🐤 You’re actually the one to bring up the idea to get a bunny, it’s part of a long list of ideas you had come up with, but for whatever reason, the bunny idea just stuck with him

🐤 You two hop (im a comedic genius hi <33) on over to the nearest rescue you can find, and browse through the enclosures looking for the perfect bunny for you guys

🐤 Ok so like- here’s the thing,,,

🐤 You totally didn’t plan on getting two bunnies… But you guys found a pair that were literally inseparable and y’all had to have them

🐤 He’s already calling them ‘Our children’ straight off the bat like- y’all JUST got home and he’s already giving you baby fever UGH

🐤 He bunny-proofs the FUCK out of the house so they can roam freely ‘cause he didn’t just get these babies to stick them in a cage smh

🐤 Will lay on the floor and just watch them romp around cus he finds it relaxing and funny

🐤 Also please get on the floor and watch them with him. Prime cuddling hours

🐤 They burrow under his wings… I repeat- THEY BURROW UNDER HIS WINGS

🐤 They WILL flop together don’t @ me

🐤 They (and by they I mean all three of them) flop on you when they want attention can I jst--- *cries*

🐤 Have fun trying to get up, this is your life now.

🐤 But are you really complaining? You shouldn’t be smh

223 notes · View notes

clubtuan · 4 years ago

Text

Sorry, I couldn’t get to you

Pairing: Do Kyungsoo x female reader

Genre: The chilling adventure of Sabrina!au /witch!au /ansgt a lot of it/ mention of Swing Kids/ fluff / suggestive

Prompt : « I make my own happiness, and I hope you can too » - Sabrina Morningstar

A/N: I finish CAOS and I miss Kyungsoo. And I have Roh Kisoo feelings so yeah this happened, my first scenarios with EXO. And I totally wrote this listening to ‘’Say Something’’ by A Great Big World 90% of the time.

Word count : 5k

Rain was heavily falling that night, and your familiar, a black cat sitting next to you purring. Life as 24 year old witch in Seoul, but still a single 24 year old, life wasn’t that boring it was just that people were always asking you to introduce them to your boyfriend.. Hell who needs a boyfriend when their cousin is the king of Hell, or when your family is the known as the most powerful witches in this damn country ?

The smoke of your tea was long gone as the liquid turned cold, but a burnt smell came to your nostrils .. Park Chanyeol, the king of the under and your cousin.

‘’Hello cousin.

For the love of Satan, Chanyeol!’’ He laughed and take the place right next to you, taking off his crown. ‘’Hell is hella boring without you’’ he sighed.

The only thing you wanted to answer him was how earth was also a boring playground without him, and how Junmyeon wasn’t helping cause he probably was busy running the Academy of Unseen Arts.

You sighed, humans weren’t funny, working wasn’t funny, and plus your feet hurt, from working in Minseok’s small cafe. ‘’You’re a real drama queen Y/N’’ Said Chanyeol before readjusting his black oversized opened dress shirt. ‘’Go to a club, find a cute or bad boy looking guy and have some fun’’ He said picking up his bloody crown.

You couldn’t believe it, even your cousin was asking you to get .. well for the moment a one night stand, but still asking you to find a ‘someone’ ..

‘’Uh and before I forget honey, you may be a witch but black isn’t our only option here’ He disappeared before you could kill him or throw a pillow to his face.’’ -Unbelievable, was all you said after his exit.

You scanned your shelves full of spell books, ‘dark magic : a witchy way with demons’, other books about demons and others creatures you had to deal with, a big brown book caught your eyes and you smirk taking it in your hands. ‘’Boyfriend, here we meet’’ your cat meow looking at you ‘’I know buddy, but everyone says I should have someone so ..’’

To be real witches and wizards are known to have sex demons, and huge sexual orgies from time to time .. seriously what is the problem with witches and sex ?

Oh yeah Lilith was !

You find yourself in the bathroom that night, sculpting your future boyfriend in the wax of a few red candles. abs ? Check ! Cute looking butt ? Check ! Good look ? Check. Nice ?Also check !

‘’Let the doll sit in hot water for one to two days and your lover will be yours’’ you read out of the book.

The bathtub was full and ready, and your were casting the spell asking yourself the hell you were doing.

You clearly fell asleep, waiting to your full tub to see if anything would change .. but nope nothing really changed except the size of the wax doll, which was now a lot larger and not much looking like wax. Work was starting for another few hours but someone was ringing at your door at 9am. And the same someone didn’t wait for you to entered your apartment.

‘’Y/N? We know you’re here, the cat told us.’’ Aunties !

You exited your bathroom closing your door, they didn’t need to see your future love spell laying in hot water with rose petals !

‘’Aunties hi!’’ They both looked at you as if you were insane, well you totally looked like at the moment, your oversized black shirt, and dried mascara under your eyes !

‘’What are you doing ?’’

I’m creating my own boyfriend, cause people I work with, or I’m friend with ask me about my love life 24/7 .. nah you shouldn’t say that to your aunts or else they’ll kill you ..

‘’Nothing Aunt Zee ! I just need coffee cause I .. I .. Yeah coffee !’’

Both of your aunts looked at each other, but not in the suspicious way you tried to avoid, thanks Dark Lord ! ‘’Your cousin, ..’’ Aunt H started but you clearly were not listening to them. Looking at you bathroom door asking yourself a lot of question, does he has a name or you had to give him one ?

‘’Aunties, if you create someone out of .. never mind’’ you stopped yourself, they didn’t need to suspect you and your future « man »?

And the fact you wanted them out of here .. fast ! No need for them to see a stranger getting out of one of your rooms probably naked and confused !

You were bored to wait for anything to happen, and plus you received a text.

JUNMYEON:

You small witch, don’t forget about the Coven party in 2 days.

If you’re not here, I’ll kill u under the full moon babe xox

What a best friend ! You once again totally forgot about this little Coven thing at Minseok cafe he was hosting with Baekhyun.

Witches parties were always too much, even more if Byun Baekhyun was the one throwing the said party. Going back to the 50s (like literally), ghosts ..

To be honest you wanted your Saturday night to be a rerun of « Sabrina, the teenage witch » under a plaid on your couch with pizza, beer and tteokbokki, not a extravagant party with all your Coven.

BAEKHYUNIE:

Get ready for the night of your witchy spicy life, cause your god fairy mother (me!!)

got some friend who are single & ready to mingle !

YOU:

Baek, no more weird goblin or any magical creatures !

Plus you are late I’ve a date !

His only response was a few shocked emojis, and a few seconds later another text : I’m behind your door with food !

But Baekhyun, being Baekhyun he didn’t ring the bell and come into your home with a huge goofy smile on his lips.

‘’Don’t look at me like that, I’ve got your fav’’

Why everybody was coming to visit you today ? Normally your apartment was cozy and calm .. but not today ! For Satan’s love !

Baekhyun was one of your closest friend, but also a dark fairy and Chanyeol’s right arm.

And fairies loves to party way too much, it was in their personality ! But the cutest thing was his pointy ears.

‘’ So, my lil friend got herself a date ?’’

And fairy were all about gossips! You simply smiled and nodded at your friend. No need to say too much !

‘’Sooo ..’’ You tried to start another conversation ‘’ How is hell today ?’’

He lifted one of his eyebrow ‘’ Yeol was here last night, don’t try to escape my questions woman’’

Maybe you should have stuff your mouth with rice and onions !

Your fairy friend talked and talked, asking you a few questions about your date for the party. You nodded and made a few ‘’oh!’’ ‘’mhmm’’ but must importantly you were eating and trying to avoid his questions.

Until that one moment when Baekhyun suddenly stopped talking, and was looking behind you his mouth wide open.

‘’Sorry babe, I was a bit long’’

Babe ? You turned in your sit and your eyes dropped to a towel, one of your black towel hanging low on some hips, well defined hips to say, and as your eyes were going up to see who that was, you followed a happy trail, your mouth watered at the sight, happy trail being one of your weakness in a man. After his define stomach and sun kissed glowing skin. His heart shaped lips looked so kissable and full, his dark eyes hided behind tick black frame of glasses. God he was beautiful, more than that to be honest, his voice sounded like honey to your ears, his cute hand slowly scratching the back of his head. You watched a few drop of water running on his chest.

Next you saw a lot of beauty marks on his naked skin, a galaxy of beauty marks. The man got you hypnotized with one sentence, this spell was something !

‘’Hey, you must be Baekhyun ! Y/N told me about you’’ you were drinking his every words just like Baekhyun was. ‘’I’m Do Kyungsoo’’

Dark lord even his name sounded so heavenly (damn for a dark lord follower, you think a lot about heaven right now), after his introduction he excused himself to get dress.

‘’Is this your date ?’’ Murmured Baekhyun with too much excitement ‘’Damn girl you just hit the lotto !’’

Your first few days with Kyungsoo was surprisingly good, he already known a lot about you. Because to created him you dropped some drops of blood in the potion.

You asked silly questions to Kyungsoo, just to get to know him better: ‘’Bubble tea or Iced coffee ?’’ sure he was your creation but he still has his own personality. Your afternoon been filled with laughs, his hand in your hair, under your shirt, and finally you naked on top of him. His hands on your hips left some marks just like his plump lips and teeth drew love bites on your collarbone and others behind your ear. Your long black nails left marks on his back from the pleasure .. hell this man gonna be the end of your sanity !

‘’I’m glad you bring me to life’’ his arm was wrapped around your waist, and his lips continued their way in the back on your neck. You never expect anything with this incantation, you never expect the perfect man to came to life in your bathtub but here you were laying under your sheet naked, with Kyungsoo showing his love to you. Drawing abstract shapes on your skin, following your own moles creating a galaxy with his fingers.

Your friends and family were totally shocked to see him next to you, the Saturday night at the Coven party.

Even your aunt fell under his spell, and Chanyeol almost gave him his throne. Kyungsoo always had an answer to every questions about your relationship, his hand never left your side that night, or you find his lips on your cheek every other times.

Do Kyungsoo might be the result of your spell, but you totally were under his.

Days with Kyungsoo were sweet, full of adventures and funny. Sex was insanely good, (yes might be a witch thing but thanks Lilith) the feeling of his hand tracing your body, or even his lips on your skin. Or just his eyes on you were making you feel like the most wanted woman on the earth, Kyungsoo has his ways.

His moles were your favorite thing to kiss after his pillowy lips, but the must was the little mole on his top lip. And for Kyungsoo his lips found their home right under your breast, on ink saying ��Witch’ he always said your tattoo was full of sarcasm.

Were you suppose to fall to your own creation ?

Your cat was laying on your bed, his head in Kyungsoo’s hand as his was caressing him. You watched him laying underneath your sheet, his chest on full display as your bedding was on his hips hiding a bit of his nakedness. ‘’You know I think he quite like you’’ you said to him ‘’Yeah he is purring, and I like him too .. he is like a part of you’’

You smiled looking at them, the sun was hitting Kyungsoo’s skin in all the right place making you craving him again, on the spot. His skin against yours, his finger interlaced with yours, his low groans .. he was hotter than hell.

Your black familiar exited the room as soon as you found a place on your mattress. ‘’You look cute with my shirt on’’ his hands traveled under the cotton of the shirt, tracing the shape of your chest. He smelled so nice just like lavender and woodland (a/n: if you ever smelled ‘autumn night’ by yankee candle this is the smell I’m talking about), everything about him was comforting, cozy and making you feel somehow safe. His lips right underneath your left ear, his right hand playing with the side of your black laced panty.

He was addicting just like a drug, now he was in your life you couldn’t imagine not having him anymore. Kyungsoo became a part of you, like a missing piece of puzzle and thanks to magic you finally completed the puzzle.

The way he made you feel was crazy, almost too crazy to be real. His breath hitting your neck made you moan even more than his hands running your body, and his length hitting every spots.

Days were brighter than before, spring was almost there cherry blossom were about to bloom, just like you now. And the night getting warmer but for once your bed felt empty and kind of cold without the raven haired boy sleeping next to you.

‘’Y/N ! ARE YOU ISANE ????’’

You woke up to Chanyeol screaming and tearing off his black hair. ‘’Yeol it’s 3 am, the fuck you want now ?’’ You asked, ready to kill him.

‘’Do Kyungsoo ? Huh ?? More like Roh Kisoo ! I can’t believe you invoke a freaking ghost to pretend to be your fucking fuck buddy’’

What ? A ghost ? Fuck buddy ? You were lost, totally lost and you cousin still panicked in front of your bed. ‘’ A ghost, what ? Who’s a ghost ?’’ He sighed loudly. ‘’Cousin, the aunties will legit kill you’’

Your only question was ‘who the fuck is Roh Kisoo ?’ He sighed once again before showing a beige folder (there’s folder in hell ? Anyway that is not the question)

‘’Cousin, he is dead, Do Kyungsoo isn’t real his name was Roh Kisoo, North Korean soldier. He used to tap dance, he was killed because he was about to kill an American soldier on stage’’

You couldn’t believe what Chanyeol was telling you .. you did not invoke a dead soldier, you created him out of wax. ‘’Chanyeol .. I created him. I do not fuck with dead’’

He stopped all his talking to look at you, dead in the eyes (no joke here). Your knees were against your chest as you sit on your mattress, ‘’He lied to me’’ you said softly. Your eyes filled with tears, you couldn’t believe you fell in love with your creation but he seemed so human, probably too human you were now thinking .. cause he been alive once.

Chanyeol wrapped his arms around you, even the king of hell could not bear to see his cousin and best friend crying. ‘’Love, do-does his heart beat ?’’ You looked up at him not really understanding why would it change if his heart was beating or not ? ‘’ If his heart beat, it means two things .. one he has feeling for you and second h-he .. he would become human, 100% human once again and believe his past life is just a dream .. Well his memories of the war and all being a dream’’

‘’And y/n..’’ He started again ‘’ you were in his past life .. his lover actually even if he never confessed or anything to you he loved you as Roh Kisoo .. that’s why he came to you as you created him’’

He put his hands on your eyes, and suddenly flashes of images, of him with shaved hair, kaki clothes, tap dancing, working on things, him stealing a kiss, stealing one of your kiss I the board of daylight, your death with two others persons you didn’t know and finally his own death.

The perk of being the king of hell was having ‘infos’ about people’s previous lives, and Chanyeol was shoving you Kyungsoo past life.

After your cousin exit, you didn’t sleep that night. You felt so small at the time watching the night lights by your window, thinking about everything that happened for the last two months of your life.. getting him, feeling happy and in love (a thing you never felt or lived before), how were you supposed to say all these things to Kyungsoo ?

Were you supposed to giving him up ? Send him back (yeah but were ?) ? Make him human ?

That morning Junmyeon made fun of you ‘looking like a panda’.

‘’ Y/N ?’’ He been calling your name for the last five minutes but your mind was anywhere but in Minseok’s cafe, jumping from memories to memories you created for the last 2 months.

The light was hitting your living room, a cup of coffee in your hand as you sit on your couch right next to Kyungsoo who was reading one your book. At the time everything felt right, as you were looking at him forgetting your cup in your hands, trying to find a single thing on him that was wrong .. but nothing was wrong.

‘’You know, I’ll not disappear love’’ you chuckled at his words, fearing that yes someday he’ll be gone.

His hand find it place on your knee, and his lips on your temple was comforting you and made you blush as a teenager.

At the time everything was simpler, you needed help .. but from who ?

You couldn’t bear to see Kyungsoo, not knowing how you’ll react in front of him, what to tell him, would you kiss him ? Let him make love to you ? Slap him ? Fall apart ? Break his heart ? (you didn’t know if his heart was beating .. if he was human or just the memory of his past life in wax)

YOU:

We need to talk aunties.

You were adult and you needed to face your mistakes, and you were finally doing it. The drive to your aunt’s was the longest it ever was and you felt heavy.

You spent a long time sitting in your car before entering the house, feeling a lot of shame, heartbroken, facing your mistake was harder than expected.

The second you saw your aunts you couldn’t keep your feelings together and start crying.

‘’ Chanyeol told us Y/N and even if your aunt wanted to scold you .. it’s not right to do now’’ started one of your aunt.

Aunt Zee was smoking but not saying anything, you knew she was disappointed. You felt totally out of place if you teleport yourself in a volcano you would to it right away.

‘’ I suppose Chanyeol explain you, the two options you have ?’’ Was Aunt Zee first worlds, you nodded.

‘’ If his heart beat or not, I could send him back or I can make him human.. ’’ your were stop by Aunt H ‘’ If you make him human, you know he’ll not remember you and what you both lived’’

Hearing that broke your heart even more, he couldn’t forget you if wasn’t right.

‘’ But he will kind of stay connected to you, as he has a part of you being your magic. So he is and will be a wizard.’’ Said your second aunt.

All you needed was time, a thing you didn’t have. One last time with him before choosing send him back or making him human and forget everything about you.

‘’But most important if his heart is beating, your trace will forever haunt him. Without him know why and who you are, love’’ said Aunt H, caressing your arm as comfort.

‘’ I can’t kill him’’

Yours aunties listened to you, telling them why and how to ‘created’ him, how happy he was making you, how human he seemed and now you knew why .. you told them everything, even wishing you had a last night with him.

Aunt Zee granted your wish, but tomorrow morning you had to say goodbye to love.

You never expected finding him dressed in his favorite black jumper and his ripped bleu jeans cooking in your kitchen with a glass full of white wine waiting for you next to his.

Your eyes filled with tears when his scent hit you, your head on his chest. ‘’ Let’s stay like this for a moment, please’’ you didn’t want him to see you like that.

The smile dancing on his lips broke you inside one more time, he looked so innocent in front of you, not knowing, almost like a child.

‘’You know babe, tonight there’s a shower of shooting stars let’s watch it’’ Yixing told him, even if he never met the Chinese wizard in real like they met on FaceTime, your friend was crazy when Baekhyun, once mentioned you had someone.

You simply nodded, even of shooting stars couldn’t help you this time.

The time moved so fast as if it was teasing you, your eyes never left Kyungsoo, too afraid to forgot him or to miss a beauty mark or the way his eyes were when he was smiling, looking at you.

Looking at him was the hardest thing you had ever done that night, you were giving up on him and you couldn’t say anything.

The view from the balcony of your appartement was incredible but the only thing you watched was him not the stars traveling the dark sky.

Even the moon seems ridiculous next to him, his glasses sat on his nose and his hair was a bit longer, his fringe hitting the frame of the glasses softly.

He turned his head to look at you, his hand caressed your cheek and his lips collided on yours, his kiss was full of passion, slow. Time stopped when his lips met yours, and you felt his heart pounded underneath your hand.

His heart was beating ..

‘’ .. I love you’’ His eyes were still closed and his lips still so closed to yours, and his thumb caressing your face.

Once again his lips crashed on yours, more intense this time. Yours hands holding the material of his jumper. ‘’Don’t ever forget about me’’ you whisper. His fingers slipped under the coton of your shirt, he pulled you even closer to him, as if no one else in the world existed. ‘’Never’’ you knew his answer was a lie but you needed it.

The time actually stopped at that moment the last time he made love to you, the stars and clouds were not moving and no sounds were heard, a spell to stop time was dangerous and only a powerful witch could to do but at the time it was your last priority.

It was the softest Kyungsoo ever showed you the way he loved you, he was taking his time with you that night as if he knew it was surely the last time. Looking at you his eyes were full of stars and his hands felt like velvet on your skin.

That night you refused to fall asleep, your head stayed on his chest listening to his heartbeat, his words playing over and over in your head, the way he confessed on that night was the hardest to accepted to you.

CHANYEOL:

I’m sorry cousin,

I tried to give a little bit more with him.

He make you happy I know.

You left your bed after reading the text to finally cried yourself to sleep in your bathroom, your hand on your mouth trying to muffled the sound.

The floor was freezing when you woke up, everything felt freezing in your house, in your body. Once you remembered, tears were running your cheeks and this time you didn’t shut yourself and screamed in agony.

He was gone.

He was gone and you were alone.

The first week was the hardest, you didn’t left your room and the last piece of him that was the shirt you wore that night.

The tissue did not smelled like him anymore.

Every day, every hour you were waiting for him to open your door arms full of bags from the grocery store ready to cook you something.

Chanyeol, yours aunts, Yixing, everyone tried to contact you, but you never answered them.

Every night Chanyeol wait for you to sleep and came, he was feeling guilty and you were his best friend. Every night he did the same, he tucked you and stroked your hair. Hoping one day you would be able to find peace with yourself, but that wasn’t the only thing on his plan !

You sat at your kitchen bar, you computer in front of you but all you did was staring at your window, your chin resting in your left hand.

You didn’t even watch Chanyeol sitting right in front of you searching something in one of his books. ‘’Cousin, aren’t you suppose to do mails stuff ?’’

‘’Chanyeol, aren’t you suppose to do king of hell stuffs?’’ Your sarcasm did in fact burn like hell !

‘’You know I became the king of underworld, so you selfishly could stay on earth and do selfish human things as the bratty witch you are’’

Why was Chanyeol even here at this point ? He wasn’t wrong, to be honest. All you did for the last few days was crying, sleeping, and being a brat to everyone who tried to help you what so ever.

‘’Cousin, life have so much to offer’’

‘’Fake, life sucks and I feel so done with it’’ He sighed loudly, feeling done with you.

Ignoring yours friends, cousin, aunts was purely selfish and you knew it but at this point you clearly didn’t give a damn .. but at the same time it was your fault and only your fault, if you didn’t use this spell, just to shut people and their needs to talk about your life.

It’s been 3 weeks, the first been the miserable one, the two second mark the start of the ‘new you’.

You were purely self-destructive at this point, losing Kyungsoo hurt you but what you did to yourself was worst. Invoking sex demons, trying spell to not feel anything, everything was good to ‘make you forget’.

‘’You know Sehun, fuck Satan and all that witchy shit’’

You were clearly drunk, and Sehun knew he shouldn’t give you anymore drinks but his pub had the best reputation with the witch population of Seoul, you lost the count of drinks you already drank.

‘’ You probably should go at home and sleep Y/N, I dont need the king of Hell to come and kill me’’

‘’Chanyeol ? He can kiss my ass ! Y’all can kiss my ass’’ your drunk behavior wasn’t a pretty sight.

After that Sehun didn’t understand a word you said, you were half crying, half mumbling. Poor bartender did not has the choice but to call Chanyeol to have an explanation and to get you back at your apartment.

‘’ Y/N you can’t live your life off ‘not feeling anything’ spells’’

Cold water woke you up, you stood in you shower fully clothed and your cousin holding the shower head.

‘’Why the hell are you doin’ that ?’’

‘’You asshole, needed a wake up call’’

Chanyeol was tired of seeing you being a danger to yourself, and decided enough was enough.

The heavy weight on your shoulders dropped suddenly and you body followed dropping in your cousin’s arms. ‘’ I just miss him so much Yeol’’

He watched tears rolling on your cheeks, not saying anything but his hand caressing your back.

Even if lives are connected Chanyeol couldn’t guarantee Kyungsoo’s comeback, your two souls might be connected since the beginning but the way they forced Kyungsoo into his human form couldn’t guarantee anything about their futur or life together. But he couldn’t tell you all that, like he couldn’t say he was following the man everyday.

And that you left your mark on him, he was now a wizard.

‘’ I’m here Y/N you can sleep’’

He laid you down on your bed, caressing your hair and projecting dreams in your head to give you a break, Chanyeol was the king of Hell, but he was hurt seeing his best friend and cousin living like that, he was ready to fight anyone so you could be happy again and to see you eyes full of stars just like when you were looking at Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol always knew that Kyungsoo’s heart was beating he felt it the first time he met him. And right after that he started his search about the man.

After that night you practically lived in the academy, teaching younger witches just like your aunts wanted. Reading books to perfect your magic. ‘’You know since you came to the academy everything seems simpler’’ Said your colleague Jongdae ‘’ Kids seems to like having one of the most powerful witch of the century teaching them stuffs’’ You nodded.

‘’Sorry Jongdae but I’m taking my cousin out for lunch’’

Chanyeol took you to Chinatown, celebrating one of his friend opening his own restaurant .. who were you to say no to free food ?

Lunch was nice, a private room for the two of you and all the best food on the menu. ‘’So the academy ?’’

‘’It’s good, kids are funny .. Yeol did you .. like killed someone for this guy ?’’

He laughed a bit too much ‘’ Not, it’s a guy a met not long ago and we became friends .. he is like us ‘magic’ he’ll come to see us’’

You nodded, finishing you plate and drinking a bit of the Chinese whisky that was left in your cup.

Chanyeol left you to go the to toilet, what type of cousin is he ? He need to go to the toilet when his friend was supposed to met the two of you ? Asshole !

The door opened and your phone vibrated at the same time a text from you cousin, why was he sending you a text when coming back in the private room ?

CHANYEOL:

I find him for you ..

Who did he find for you ?

‘’Chanyeol ?’’ You knew the voice, you once again felt the time stop when you turned around finding .. Do Kyungsoo in a chef attire.

Do Kyungsoo was the friend of Chanyeol, the one he wanted you to meet ..

‘’You are ?’’ Right he forgot about you. ‘’Oh yeah you’re Y/N .. Chanyeol told me a lot about you and you’re like the most powerful in our coven’’

A single tear rolled onto your cheek, you find him .. he was in front of you.

You finally find him, thanks to Chanyeol.

96 notes · View notes

sparklingichigo · 4 years ago

Text

OVA I - Date gone wrong

Somewhere in Asmo's room, Asmo is trying to find the right outfit for his date. He ends up calling up Ichigo and Haruka to his room.

Asmo: BESTIES I NEED HEEELPP!!!

Ichigo: Sis, what's wrong? What happened??

Haruka: Whoa, I did not expect that-

Why did she say that? Because Asmo's bed is full of clothes and ironically this fashionista can't find a good outfit of the day.

Haruka: What's happening? Why are your clothes all over the place?

Asmo: That is the problem! I have no idea what to wear!!

Haruka: To wear to...?

Asmo: Solomon asked me out on a date... it's been a while since I go out with him and I panicked so here we are!

Ichigo: O-oh! Fashion emergency! Right, right. We'll help you.

Haruka: Yeah, we'll help you!

And they did. First off is just normal things he wears every day, the second one is the cute strawberry dress but he wore that already so here we are on the third option.

Ichigo: This is the one...

Haruka: I think so too!

Asmo: Ah finally, I have a good outfit for the date! Thanks a lot, you two! I owe you one!

Ichigo: It's okay, it's the least we could do... ^^

Asmo: Oh well, it's time for me to do my hair and my make-up. Now out!

Haruka: You're kicking us out?

Asmo: Yes.

Ichigo: I-

Before Ichigo can even talk, she hears the brothers creating chaos again, so they have no choice but to get out and deal with that. Especially since they hear Lucifer's shout of one name,

Lucifer: M A M M O N!!!!!!!!

Ichigo: Okay...guess we do have a reason to get out.

Haruka: Yeah... let's go^^

Once they're out, they see Solomon and Mammon arguing in the hallways with Lucifer facepalming.

Ichigo: What happened?!

Lucifer: As you can see... [sigh]

Mammon: I'm just being a good brother and-

Solomon: How is preventing me from dating your brother is being a good brother?!

Mammon: First off, you are sus! Second of all, my little brother Asmo is too precious for you!

Solomon: .... He's the one who confessed to me first though... :(

Mammon: Still! If you dare hurt my little brother.... [transforms into his demon form] YOU'RE D E A D!

Lucifer: .... [sigh in where should I hang him again]

Solomon: Lucifer, you agree to me dating Asmo right?!

Lucifer: Not quite, but as long as Asmo is happy.

Ichigo: [sigh] Here we go again... Mammon, calm down. They've been dating for years.

Mammon: tsk. He's still sus nonetheless

Lucifer: Mammooooonnn!!

Mammon: Eek! See you, humans! Bye! [runs off]

As Mammon runs off, Asmo appears with Mammon running towards him.

Asmo: Mammon wtf- OmG!! [falls off lol]

Human trio: Asmo!!

Asmo: Nooo! My haiiirr!! ;-;

Asmo: Mammon.... I'm gonna kill you!

Mammon: Got no time for that! [still running away]

Unironically, a certain tall demon is there. Of course, Mammon didn't see that and bumped on Beel yet again.

Beel: Mammon?

Mammon: Hehe... hi...

Beel: What happened? Hey, Asmo, are you okay?

Asmo: NO?! MY HAIR IS RUINED! IT'S NOW ALL DIRTY AND I SPEND MINUTES ON THIS!!

Beel: .... oh...

Lucifer: Beel! Hold him back!

Beel: I am... :D

Mammon: LET GO OF ME!!

Beel: Lucifer told me to hold you back though

Mammon: That doesn't mean you should listen to him!!

Satan: As much as I dislike him, you've crossed the line

Mammon: Tf! Where did you come from?!

Satan: Oh, I was behind Beel.

Mammon: [sad/scared noises]

Lucifer: Thank you, Beel^^ [dragging Mammon away]

Beel: No problem! Enjoy your punishment Mammon!!

Mammon: f*ck you!

Lucifer: ^^Language

Mammon: ugh...

Okay back to Asmo and Solomon and the others.

Ichigo: Do you want me to help you with that hair?

Asmo: .... Uhm... I don't know...

Ichigo: I can always help styling it^^

Asmo: I'm gonna be late though :(

Solomon: It's okay, my love^^ You look just fine. We'll just need to brush them.

Ichigo: That's right! Here let me help you! [brushes Asmo's hair and basically fixing it]

Asmo: Ichigo you saint!! Thank you so much!

Ichigo: You're wel- [sees Solomon and Haruka arguing]

Haruka: Oh ho ho ho since when have you been dating him?

Solomon: ....years?

Haruka: How many years?

Solomon: .... since forever after? HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!

Asmo: 30 years to be exact^^ [glares at Solomon] you didn't remember our anniversary?!

Solomon: I do... I just don't know how many years have we been dating...

Satan: and that's how he got 50 on our math test^^

Solomon:...

Asmo: pfft-

Ichigo: He did?

Haruka: What?

Satan: Ichigo, you're literally in the same class with him.

Ichigo: That's been weeks! How am I supposed to remember?!

Satan: Touche, ironically I'm in a different major yet I remember^^

Ichigo: Whatever. Aren't you guys going on your date?

Solomon: Oh yeah, we are! Let's go, my love^^

Asmo: Let's go!

And so, Asmo and Solomon went on their date, specifically to the human world and Solomon being Solomon uses a portal to get there. Mammon of course is hanged by Lucifer's chandelier, we have no idea how long he's gonna be there though.

Satan: Anyways, what do we do now?

Beel: Eat +w+

Satan: You just frickin eat my APPLE PIE twice!

Beel: You told me I can have it :((

Satan: Right....avatar of gluttony. Shouldn't be surprised.

Ichigo: How about we go to Madam screams, Hon ^^

Beel: Sure, let's go!

With that, this leaves Satan and Haruka alone in the House of Lamentation. The two have no idea what to do, sure Satan has a lot of ideas for this like going to the cat cafe, library, art museum, his least choice is the mall, he dislikes it a lot.

Satan: So, what do you want to do?

Haruka: Hmm... I don't know... maybe I'll just draw or do some karaoke or something. Maybe walk around or....play some games.... probably with Levi if he's around.

Satan: Oh.

Haruka: What?

Satan: So you prefer to hang out with Levi? [leaning closer to her]

Haruka: w-wait no! That's not what I meant- [moving backward bcs why the fck is he so close-]

Satan: Then what do you mean by that? [haha kabedon happens]

Haruka: uh.... [trying to escape] you're too close.... [sweat drops]

Satan: I'm waiting^^

Haruka: I mean.... [hugs him instead] I do like playing games with Levi but I don't mind hanging out with you^^

Satan: .... [blushes a bit bcs Haruka barely does skinship on him]

Haruka: Are you by chance....jealous? Because of me playing with Levi?

Satan: What if I am? You know I'm really possessive about you, right?

Haruka: True...then we'll do what you want! What do you want to do?

Satan: I have a couple of ideas in mind^^

Haruka: Hm? What are they?

Satan: Well we can go to cat cafe, the library, art museum, probably the mall but we'll probably end up in a book store instead.

Haruka: Hmm... how about walking around the garden?

Satan: Hm? Garden?

Haruka: The castle's garden^^

Satan: Can we actually go there?

Haruka: Of course! He'd accept us. Why? Scared?

Satan: Me? Scared? Quite bold of you to assume such things. [more kabedon]

Haruka: Satan! Stop tha- Oh! There's a cat!

Satan: Huh?! Where?! [looks around]

With that, Haruka escapes all the way to the castle leaving Satan confused in house of lamentation.

Satan: ...where did she go??

Meanwhile, in Madam's scream, Beel is enjoying his 2nd plate of waffles as Ichigo watches him as she sips on her drink.

Beel: Oh, you have something near your lips...

Ichigo: Hm? Which part?

Beel: Right here^^ [takes the cream off easily with his finger]

Ichigo: O-oh... [blushes]

Beel: It tastes really sweet by the way^^

Ichigo: Eeeh?!

Beel: It really is

Ichigo: You can just ask if you want some-

Beel: Well where's the fun in that^^

Ichigo: [huffs]

Beel: By the way, do you want some? [offers his waffle]

Ichigo: N-no thanks... I'm not hungry-

Beel: Not even one bite? It's the strawberry one~

Ichigo: F-fine... [accepts Beel's offer]

Internally, Ichigo is really confused. Since when is Beel such a romantic? Well, he always is but since when is he this smooth. He's usually clueless just pretty much viewed as innocent and slow. But here he is.

Beel: Well, I'm more comfortable with you now so I can show you the real me^^

Ichigo: The real you meaning gremlin Beel?

Beel: Not necessarily a gremlin but I can be that if you want me to-

Ichigo: I- no thank you;///;

Beel: Oh too bad, you're so cute to tease^^

Ichigo: Beel! ;////; please-

Beel: Hm? Oh my! You've turned into a cherry! Did I overstep?

Ichigo: ....n-not really but... I-I don't mind this side at all [blushing really hard]

Beel: Alright then^^ [pats her].

Ichigo: I- Uh, your waffle isn't finished yet...

Beel: Oh yeah. Where do you wanna go next by the way?

Ichigo: The mall?

Beel: Hmm... Sure^^ We can go to that mall. Right after I finish this

Ichigo: Aw okay then^^

Now back to Haruka, she's now in the castle meeting Barbatos who's very very confused.

Barbatos: Are you okay?

Haruka: Yeah- [pants some more] I'm okay-

Barbatos: Do you want some tea? Water?

Haruka: Tea... make it cold

Barbatos, internally: Such a crime...but okay

So Barbatos prepares ice tea despite him disliking it. He also provides sugar cubes instead she needs them.

Barbatos: Here you go^^ [put the glass to the table]

Haruka: Thank you, Barb!

Barbatos: You're most welcome. It is my duty to serve Lord Diavolo's guests^^

Haruka: Speaking of him, where is he?

Barbatos: In a meeting, he won't be home until.... 5 pm I believe. It seems to be a long event.

Haruka: Oh? You're not going with him?

Barbatos: Unfortunately not^^ He told me to stay put and keep the castle safe.

Haruka: Ah I- [sees Satan appearing at the castle] Oh sht-

Barbatos: What's wrong?

Haruka: Hide me.

Barbatos: Come again?

Haruka: Hide me from that! [points at Satan from a distance]

Barbatos: Oh my goodness! [teleports the two of them away before Satan can even reach them]

Satan: [pants as soon as he reaches the table] Where did they go??

Meanwhile, Haruka and Barbatos end up in the kitchen.

Barbatos: You will be safe here. What happened? Did you have a fight with him?

Haruka: Not necessarily a fight.... he's just acting weird again...

Barbatos: Weird? How weird?

Haruka: He's just acting weird! When I talked about gaming with Levi, he instantly corners me into a wall and leaning closer. It's just so weird!!

Barbatos: Ah I see... [holding back his laugh]

Haruka: It isn't funny, Barb! I'm scared and creeped out! What's happening to him?!

Barbatos: Maybe you're discovering a new side to him. Good luck getting used to it^^ I'll return you to him.

Haruka: What?! Barb- Nooo!! [got returned to Satan]

Back at the table, Satan is walking around until he hears a portal opening on top of him, and here comes Haruka falling down from that portal.

Haruka: AAAAA!!! SATAN!! WATCH OUT!!

Satan: Huh? [looks up] Oh my! [catches her in time] You could've fallen for me in another way^^

Haruka: Tha-that's not the point! [flicks his forehead]

Satan: At least you're not injured^^

Haruka: L-let me down! I can walk by myself!

Satan: Not a chance, you'll run off again. Especially when I want to hang out with you.

Haruka: There you go again! Acting weird again!

Satan: What? Is my calm demeanor shocking to you?

Haruka: Y-yeah... sort off. Get that handsome face away from me! [looking away]

Satan: Oh? So you think I am handsome?

Haruka: Uh- Shut up, you stupid raging ball of chaos!!

Satan: I don't remember being stupid considering I got first ranked in our class^^ [talking as he's walking out of the castle]

Yeah, anyways, the two end up going to the mall. Yes, I'm talking Beel and Ichigo. Satan and Haruka went to that same mall but we'll talk about that later. Now let's watch Mammon get punish.

Mammon: How long am I staying here again?

Lucifer: 30 more minutes.

Levi: Ha! That's what you get for being stupid!

Mammon: Say that to your math exam, you weeb!

Levi: At least I got 65! Unlike you on that English exam!

Mammon: English is difficult you piece of-

Lucifer: [glaring at them] Levi, do you want to be hanged as well? I told you to come here to watch him, not create more chaos!

Levi: No thank you. Right, so I'm here to watch him?

Lucifer: correct. I'm pretty late for my meeting with Lord Diavolo. I just skipped two periods of it so I'll be off^^ Make sure he doesn't create trouble. If anything happens just contact me or maybe the angels. I'm sure Simeon would love to drench him in holy water

Mammon: What?! Nooo!!

Levi: You can count on me! I'll make sure he doesn't escape.... can I do it though?

Lucifer: I believe in you, Leviathan^^ Please do your best

Levi: O-okay... I'll try my best [nods]

Now back to the mall. Beel and Ichigo end up in a clothing store. Beel has 0 idea what fashion was but he likes watching Ichigo try out some of the clothes.

Ichigo: So? What do you think?

Beel: It looks great! Probably looked better on the floor in our room-

Ichigo: Beelzebub Morningstar!

Beel: no no no I'm joking. It looks great! I prefer the last one you wore though. The floral top and the red skirt.

Ichigo: Oh... well what about the pink collection? What's your choice?

Beel: Hmm...

Ichigo: Don't you dare make a dirty joke!

Beel: Do you want me to?

Ichigo: Beelzebub! [yeets a shoe at him]

Beel: [luckily catches it] Now, now, there's no need to get worked up, sugar^^

Ichigo: ^^ I might throw another one if you keep on making that dirty joke

Beel: Is your shirt next- [got hit by another shoe]

Ichigo: You've hung out too much with Asmo! Or have you been watching those animes with Levi?!

Beel: What anime are you talking about? I did watch the one with desserts on it.

Ichigo: Specify which anime was it...

Beel: Well there's a lot actually...

Ichigo: Doesn't explain this sudden change [glares at him suspiciously]

Beel: I mostly just focus on the food so I guess... this is just me being comfortable with you^^

Ichigo: Right- So the pink collection! Which one?

Beel: isn't that white?

Ichigo: Yeah but most of them are pink so they somehow called it the "pink collection" which is odd I know.

Beel: The puffy pink one looks nice, the white dress too^^

Ichigo: So both?

Beel: Both^^

Ichigo: Since you like both... are you gonna pay for it?

Beel: I might if you need help paying for it.

Ichigo: The-then we'll get this too! [shows a floral dress]

Beel: Anything for you^^

Ichigo internally: HAVE LEVI BEEN SHOWING HIM MAID SAMA?! USUI IS THAT YOU?! WTF-

Beel: Ooh! So that's the anime that has all the food :o

Ichigo: Hm? What do you mean?

Beel: Never mind^^ Don't mind me! Let's go and pay for the clothes~

Ichigo: Okay, let's go^^

As they walk to the cashier, their hands keep on brushing on each other that Beel ends up holding her hand.

Ichigo: U-uh can you hold them properly like that?

Beel: I'll be fine^^

Ichigo: Do you not want me to help?

Beel: It's okay, you already have enough stuff in your bag, plus your hand seem heavy I have to hold it for you-

Ichigo: [blushes furiously] Shut up you gluttonous bear!

Now, let's go upstairs. Now Haruka and Satan are looking at a menu on some restaurant in that mall.

Haruka: So... what do you want to order?

Satan: Are you on the menu?

Haruka: [steps on Satan's foot] I'm not food!

Satan: Ouch! Geez, you're so violent today!

Haruka: Says you! Since when is your brain as dirty as mud?!

Satan: [chuckles slightly] Oh? How do you know?

Haruka: OMG! Shut up you furry!!

Satan: Oh well, I'll order this one^^ [to the cashier]

Haruka: I'll have the sizzling beef curry rice, the package one!

Cashier: I see, so one sizzling beef curry rice package, Beef, and Salmon pepper rice. Is that all? Anything else? No drinks? [to Satan]

Satan: Oh... hmm.... I'll have Lemon Tea^^ Thanks a lot, Miss

Cashier: N-no problem o///o

Haruka: Tsk. [looks away sulkily]

Cashier: Here's your alarm when the food is ready^^ Hope you enjoy [gives the alarm to Satan]

Satan: Thank you^^ Have a nice day, Miss.

Cashier: y-you too, sir o///o

Haruka: [glares at the cashier]

Cashier: O-O

Haruka: [gives the cashier a warning look]

Satan: Oh? A little jealous I see^^

Haruka: I'm not!

Satan: I'm just being polite, babe. There's no harm in that^^

Haruka: Whatever. Sit here! I'll go sit there!

Satan: Oh? Why so?

Haruka: Because I want to!

Satan: Alright then, let's go, we'll sit there^^

Haruka: N-no! I meant-

Satan: Come on, let's go~ [leads Haruka to that far away seat]

Haruka: You stupid raging ball of chaos!!

Satan: For the last time, I'm first ranked in our class, that insult doesn't affect me. ^^

Haruka: Whatever! Do what you want!

After a few minutes, the alarm starts to ring. Haruka of course is still sulking so Satan ends up getting the food for them. As he gets them, the female cashiers are gushing because of how handsome he is.

Satan: I know, but unfortunately I'm taken^^

Cashier 1: oh... :(

Cashier 2: Really?

Satan: Yes, I'm taken. So just give me my order. [went to cynical mode]

Cashier 1: He-here it is sir! [gives the foods and drinks to him]

Satan: Thank you. [flat face lol]

With that Satan returns to his table and finds Haruka texting on her DDD turns out she's talking to Ichigo.

Ichigo: Just got out from Majolish, you?

Haruka: Majolish? Are you in Devildom's city mall?

Ichigo: Yeah... why?

Haruka: Omg gurl! I'm at Paper Lunch!

Ichigo: ....3rd floor?

Haruka: Yeah?

Ichigo: Omg we should hang out!!

Haruka: Well Satan and I are gonna watch a movie after this, do you wanna come?

Ichigo: Depends on the movie. If it's gore then I'll back away.

Haruka: I dislike gore as well, don't worry. I prefer action though.

Ichigo: Oh yeah, action is good.

In real life, their boyfriends are curious so they peek through their phones.

Ichigo: Beel... you're a bit too close...

Beel: Oh, I'm just curious. Who are you texting?

Ichigo: Haruka. Who else?

Beel: Just in case it was another guy.

Ichigo: Solomon?

Beel: [nods]

Ichigo: [smacks Beel's shoulder] you idiot! That'd mean I'm interrupting his date with Asmo! Why would I disturb his date?!

Beel: You guys seemed really close so-

Ichigo: Since when are you bothered by this?? [confusion went brr] I thought you trusted me!

Beel: I do, what I don't trust is him^^

Ichigo: No worries, Solomon and I are just buddies^^

Beel: Okay^^ I'll trust you.

The same thing happened with Satan, Satan is secretly peeking at Haruka's phone. Haruka is of course oblivious until she heard Satan's voice.

Satan: The food's here^^

Haruka: [looks up] Gah! Why are you so close?!

Satan: Curiosity. Who are you texting?

Haruka: Ichigo...?

Satan: Ah...

Haruka: Who do you think I was texting?

Satan:...

Haruka: ....Solomon?

Satan: [nods] You guys seemed really close.

Haruka: [pushes his forehead away] We're just friends but I'm clearly texting Ichigo. Here, you can read the chatroom. [hands him her phone]

Satan: O-oh....okay [reading the chatroom as Haruka eats]

Haruka: Anyways, wanna watch a movie after? [accepting her phone back and putting it into her purse]

Satan: Hmmm we can do that. What movie are we watching though?

Haruka: We'll just see.

Satan: Sounds fair.

As they're eating, Ichigo and Beel appear beside them.

Ichigo: Hi^^

Beel: Whoa! That smells really good!

Satan: no no no no order one yourself!

Ichigo: Hon...^^ didn't we just ate?

Beel: Well...yeah. Let's just order drinks or snacks.

Ichigo: Pudding! Let's order that

Beel: Sure^^

So, Beel and Ichigo order their food. The cashier is intimidated by his height. He was about to flirt with Ichigo actually because Ichigo is pretty and friendly.

Beel: I'll order 3 chocolate puddings, what about you, sugar?^^

Ichigo: I'll have oreo cheese!

Cashier 3: So...three chocolate puddings and one oreo cheese pudding. Anything else, miss? Drinks?

Ichigo: Hm... I'll have blackcurrant, what about you, Beel?

Beel: .... I'll have the chocolate milkshake^^

Cashier 3: Alright then, that'd be [insert price here] and here's the alarm, miss^^ [gives it to Ichigo]

Ichigo: Thank you^^

Beel: [glares at the cashier]

Cashier 3: A-anyways, here's your changes! Have a nice day^^

Ichigo: You too!

Once they sit down, Satan notices Beel's mood is sinking down.

Satan: You okay?

Beel: I'm fine... all this overthinking is making me hungry :((

Ichigo: The food is gonna come anyway^^ don't worry.

Beel: Hm.

Ichigo: Beel? Beelzebub? Honeybear?

Beel: Oh? So now you call me Honeybear? [leans closer to her]

Ichigo: I-is that a bad thing? [moving back]

Beel: That cashier is clearly about to hit on you though.

Ichigo: Aw Honeybear, don't worry^^ I was just being polite. I only love you remember?

Beel: You should, I'm not sharing you with anyone

Before Ichigo can answer him, she feels a vibration in her pocket. She fishes out the alarm and turns out their food is done.

Ichigo: Wanna go get the pudding together?

Beel: Sure^^

And so, Beel and Ichigo go to get their pudding. This time it's Cashier 2 giving them the pudding. Luckily no chaos happened.

Beel: Thank you! Have a nice day!

Cashier 2: You too, sir^^ Enjoy your meal!

Ichigo: ...Is that guy okay?

Cashier 2: Cleary not, but don't mind him. Enjoy your meal, miss^^

Ichigo: Alright then^^

After their lunch, the four of them go to the theaters to see what movie are they gonna watch. The list is endless and they're now confused.

Beel: none of them seem delicious. So Nah, I'll let you guys choose.

Ichigo: You're not eating a movie...

Beel: I know, but I'm letting you guys choose^^

Satan: What about that one? [points to a scary-looking poster]

Ichigo: Venom II?

Haruka: Ooh! I like that! We can watch that since I've watched the first movie.

Satan: There's the first movie?

Haruka: Y-yeah.... ^^

Satan: Then it'd be spoilers.... what about this one?

Haruka: Jungle Cruise sounds fun^^ An Adventure comedy movie

Satan: What about the others? Wait where did Beel go?

Ichigo: ...going to see the food:")

Satan: [sigh] Well, what do you think? Shall we watch this?

Ichigo: Yeah, it sounds fun. ^^ I'll be right back though [goes to search for Beel]

Haruka: So, Jungle Cruise?

Satan: Yeah. Sir, we'll have four tickets for Jungle Cruise.

Theater Cashier: Oh, which seat sir?

Haruka: B! Let's go with B!

Theater Cashier: Oh, you're in luck! The B seat is empty for now^^

Satan: That's great! We'll have four tickets in that B seat.

Theater Cashier: ^^ Okay. The total would be [insert price]

This time Satan paid for the tickets despite Haruka's protest. He just simply told her to pay him back if she feels that bad. Meanwhile, Ichigo is confused because Beel actually ordered drinks instead of food.

Ichigo: Just drinks?

Beel: Yeah, I'm thirsty... in both ways.

Ichigo: [smacks Beel's shoulder] Beel!

Beel: Alright, alright, I bought drinks for you guys though^^

Ichigo: Eh? Really?

Beel: Yep! A sweet ice tea for Haruka, Lemon tea for Satan, Strawberry tea for you, and....water for me ^^

Ichigo: Water? Are you sure?

Beel: Yep! Since I've drunk a lot of sweets at least I have to clean my palate.

Ichigo: That's smart^^

So here they are in the B seat. Here are the seat orders; Haruka, Ichigo, Beel and Satan. Of course, the boys are sort of disappointed with the seating order.

Satan: But-

Haruka: Sit with your brother! I prefer to hang out with my best friend rather than you and your dirty jokes!

Satan: What even did I do?!

Haruka: [rolls her eyes and seats on her seat]

Beel: Sugar, are you sure?

Ichigo: I am^^ don't worry. I'm beside you anyways~

Beel: Oh yeah, yay!

Ichigo: no touchy-touchy though! >:o [cute angy noises]

Beel: I won't promise, especially when you look this cute^^

Ichigo: Tsk. Whatever you gluttonous bear! Uh.... do you want some by the way? [offers the strawberry tea]

Beel: Oh thank you^^ [drinks the strawberry tea without any second thoughts]

Ichigo: How does it taste? Is it good?

Beel: It is, just like you^^

Ichigo: [blushes deep red] h-hon... I don't think flirting here is a good idea [sees Haruka and Satan in a bad mood]

Beel: Oh right... :(

Satan: [getting annoyed every second]

Haruka: [plays with her phone because the advertisement is annoying]

Haruka: wait... is that Asmo?!

Ichigo: Oh my goodness! You're right!

Asmo, in the ad: Use Majolish lipstick to get beautiful pucker lips! Mwah! [blows the kiss towards the camera]

Satan: [sigh] why must he be here...

Haruka: Whoa! I never knew he's an ad model!

Ichigo: So am I! That's so cool!

Beel: ...the lipstick looks delicious-

Ichigo: Hon...you can't eat lipsticks^^

Beel: Oh they were lipsticks?

Ichigo: Yeah??

Beel: Do you want me to buy you one?

Ichigo: So sudden?

Beel: Just feel like treating you^^ [pulls Ichigo closer so she can lean on his shoulder]

Ichigo: You don't have to though :<

Satan: [is on his limit] Can't you two just get a room?!

Ichigo: Deal with your own business! Plus we're gonna watch a movie, shut it!

Satan: Tsk.

So the movie has started. Everyone is enjoying the movie, including the couple. Haruka is enjoying every second of this and Satan is surprisingly amused by this movie. Yep, romance has left the chatroom for Beel and Ichigo because this movie is so funny.

Overall their movie adventure went well and they went home. As they went home, they waited for Asmo and Solomon to get back. Seconds become minutes, minutes become hours. It's to the point that It's already 10 p.m and he hasn't returned. This causes Lucifer to worried!

Lucifer: Have you girls seen Asmo?

Ichigo: Not that I know off, why? We just got back from the mall and didn't meet him there.

Lucifer: I see... it's already 10 p.m and he hasn't returned yet.

Satan: Knowing Asmo he'd probably bang Solomon again [coming in casually]

Lucifer: [smacks Satan's head] You! Since when did you have such a dirty mind?!

Satan: I always do, just not exposed much, D A D.

Lucifer: [glares at Satan]

Beel: I'm sure he'll be okay^^ Asmo can defend himself and so can Solomon.

Lucifer: I'm not concerned about that sorcerer. He can die for all I care. What I'm worried about is what he'd do to Asmo!

Beel: ...Oh my...you're right-

Lucifer: Oh well, I'll just search for him myself. Rest up you four^^ I'm sure you guys are tired. I'll be off [transforms to demon form and flies away]

Ichigo: Are you sure he doesn't need any help?

Beel: Sugar, you're literally this close to sleep. Come, I'll get you to your room.

Ichigo: It's fine.... I'll go myself. Just help me with the shopping bags...

Beel: I'll still help you though^^

As Beel helps Ichigo to her room, Haruka clings to Satan causing confusion of the avatar of wrath.

Satan: What's wrong?

Haruka: Lift me up.... to my bedroom.... [clinging on him]

Satan: As you wish^^ [haha bridal style]

Haruka: w-wait that's not what I expected- o////o

Satan: it's more comfortable for us anyway. Let's go^^ [carries her to her bedroom]

Haruka: B-but piggy back-

Satan: Just hold on to me, you can lean on my shoulder that way^^

Haruka: O-okay >////<

The night, Lucifer is still looking for Asmo and he finally spots him on his way to the House of Lamentation.

Lucifer: Asmodeus!

Asmo: ...Lucifer?!

Solomon: WTF-

Lucifer: [flies down and lands right in front of them]

Asmo: I-I can explain...

Lucifer: It's okay, I'm sure you're really tired. What I need an explanation of is him. [eyes Solomon]

Solomon: M-me?

Lucifer: Yes. So, where did you take him?

Solomon: The human world....? and we went shopping [shows shopping bag]

Lucifer: Uh-huh...

Lucifer: Wait- you went to where?!

Solomon: Human world...?

Lucifer: That is clearly forbidden to demons without the approval of Lord Diavolo! What are you thinking?!

Solomon: You didn't ask where I want how am I supposed to know!

Lucifer: You are dating a demon! A high-level demon! Taking him to the human world is against the law!

Solomon:...

Asmo: I-it's okay... I got one from Diavolo.... here! [shows a letter already signed by Diavolo]

Lucifer: Really? [sees the letter] Ah, so you did ask for permission?

Asmo: Of course... I'm not a rogue demon, Lucifer. Besides, I won't look good in prison clothing.

Lucifer: Alright. I'll get you back. You, go back to Purgatory hall.

Solomon: What-

Lucifer: You heard me, go back to your dormitory.

Solomon: What about his shopping bag?

Lucifer: Put them in his room then go back to purgatory hall. You're forbidden to stay in the House of Lamentation for three days.

Asmo and Solomon: What?!

Lucifer: Just Solomon

Asmo: that doesn't make it any better?! Who is going to deal with me when I'm in heat?!

Lucifer: Then we'll call him when you actually need him.

And so that ends this episode. All the three couples have their fun even though Solomon ends up with a punishment of not meeting Asmo for three days but he'll survive... will he....?

Simeon: It's okay, Solomon... it's just three days...

Solomon: I CAN'T!!! I MISS HIM A LOT!!! [sobbing dramatically]

Luke: It's been two days...

Solomon: Yeah TWO DAYS! EXACTLY! I can't even be apart from him for a few hours now it's for two days!

Michael: It's just two days, Solomon. You can focus more on your training or teaching Luke for his classes.

Solomon: [eating his ice cream in sadness]

The same thing is happening to Asmo, he's eating ice cream with the girls as they watch some random chick flick on the TV.

Ichigo: you'll be okay, it's just for a few days.

Asmo: Still! Who's gonna help me when I need help in that way?!

Ichigo: We can always call him when you really need him.

Asmo: I don't wanna cheat on him anymore. We've been in so many affairs because we can't see each other a lot so I end up doing stuff to a succubus but now I wanna focus my lust only on him, the one I truly love.

Haruka: Awww, that's really sweet of you Asmo!

Asmo: Yeah.... but for now I should deal with my toys for those three days if I need help and such.

Ichigo: there-there [pats Asmo] by the way... what have you been telling Beel and Satan?

Asmo: Hm? What do you mean?

Haruka: Satan is unusually dirty-minded yesterday.

Asmo: Oh? He did read a lot of sensual books so that explains his behavior.

Ichigo: What about Beel?

Asmo: Beel? He always is perverted! You didn't notice? Probably because he's really quiet the entire time that's why it came out that day. He's a demon, after all, a gluttonous one in fact. You don't think he'd use that sin on something else?

Ichigo: You mean....?

Asmo: Mmhmm^^

Ichigo: ... Oh my Lord...

Haruka: What has Satan be reading...

Satan: Some sensual books, as he said.

Haruka: Gah! Where did you come from?!

Satan: by the door...?

Haruka: Ish you! [smacks him]

Satan: ouch! Why are you so violent these days?!

Haruka: That's because of your perverted mind, you stupid raging ball of chaos!

Satan: You love this raging ball of chaos though^^

Asmo: ew, get a room.

Satan: Alright-

Haruka: Wait what- [get lift up by Satan] wait! Asmo! Ichigo!! Help me!!

Asmo: Have fun, darling~ ^^ [waves in a girlish way]

Ichigo: pfft- Good luck dealing with him.

#obeymefanfic #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me solomon #my mcs #roleplaybased #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan

2 notes · View notes

neomodernframes · 4 years ago

Text

The Invisible Pink Unicorn, Pastafarianism and Theists.

PINK UNICORN-MAN: hello gullible.

CHRISTIAN THEIST: hello heretic.

P.U: I went to church today but I didn't see you. Did you have a party last night by any chance?

C.T: what nonsense are you saying! I was sitting in the back, far enough to admire the bleeding cross of our lord jesus ...

P.U: ... or maybe because you were chatting and were afraid that the deacon would scold you and make you recite twenty rosaries!

C.T: you dare to speak when you rarely show up here. Why did you decide to attend today? Are demons starting getting tighter in the kitchen of your soul?

P.U: look, my demons are totally fine. Today they would have prepared an exquisite Bolognese sauce, but unfortunately I was dragged here against my will.

C.T: to learn a lesson from the Holy Spirit would only help you. Instead, I came here out of my will, but then I saw you.

P.U: I see that I am no different from the Lord: as he weighs on your conscience, so I weigh on you!

C.T: sure. However our savior weighs on the conscience of us all, while being nowhere. Instead you are here and I notice it from your horrible scent which is too recognizable. But geez, change it!

P. U: damn man, you are so mean! I would rather want to know how can you say that your lord is nowhere if you find him leaning against the arch of the church right now.

C.T: you talk as if he was sunbathing, but can you hear yourself talking? Fortunately he is far away enough to not overhear this conversation ...

P. U: but I do not understand: you say that he us nowhere and yet you worry that it may hear us. You say it's all over the place, but then why are we talking in such a low voice, like we're mourning the cat?

C.T: with all due respect for the cat, you are truly incorrigible! So, it is a matter of faith: I cannot make you understand why I see Jesus and you do not. He is invisible to the eyes, you can only grasp him with heart.

P.U: What if I had a heart attack and had a pacemaker implanted in the body?

C.T : you are so funny.

P.U: wow, did you see it?

C.T: what?

P.U: the invisible pink unicorn!

C.T: eh?

P.U: Incredible, I'm the only one who has seen the invisible pink unicorn!

C.T: but if it is invisible how can you have seen it?

P.U: I grasped it with heart, my friend. Come on, let's have a drink, in the name of the heavenly pot...

At the bar

C.T: I can't think about it, you are so disrespectful! You will burn in the fires of hell for this!

P.U: Hey, calm down, take it easy for a moment. How can I believe in God when you don't want to believe in my pink unicorn?

C.T: What does this have to do with it? The unicorn is a human creation, how could it possibly be comparable to our lord who first became man, then baptized us in the waters where the holy spirit descended?

P.U: Well, I really don't know...

C.T: You cannot prove the non-existence of God then!

P.U: To tell the truth, no affirmation can be believed only on the basis of the fact that its inaccuracy cannot be proved. This is why it is not up to me to show you that the unicorn exists, or that beings made of pasta have created man in his image and likeness, that is, a very hungry animal.

PASTAFARIAN: sorry? Who dares to name in vain the prodigious flying spaghetti, creator of restaurants and coca cola?

P.U: Oh my, here's another one.

C.T: Haha, here's another heretic standing in the way of the house of Christ. You are many apparently!

P.F: Christian, I do not persecute the followers of other religions: but do not disturb me while I honor my meal, otherwise it will be trouble for you!

C.T: Who are you to talk to me like that? Show yourself, devil!

P.F: I'm a five-foot-tall boxer, that's who I am. You know what? I am gonna beat you, not in the name of spaghetti, but because you're a sucker!

P.U: guys, please calm down, it's not worth the slaughter. I think that in the end what really matters is that we all have the same intuition of a creator of the cosmos and the providential order of things. The ideas of men are changeable, so it is normal to have different representations of God at the same time. For me, it could be a Pink Unicorn, for you it could be a Person who gets close to us because of suffering, or for you it could be an appetizing flying Monster made of Spaghetti. We should be closer than that. Religion has left us precepts concerning the care and love of our neighbors, it has not told us what color or shape God is. So let us love each other: men are Gods to men.

P.F: that was beautiful...

C.T: I agree with you. But, who's going to pay those drinks over there?

5 notes · View notes

theradioghost · 5 years ago

Note

hey, can i pester you for some podcast recs? something with a good dose of humour and not too many episodes to catch up on. a sprinkle of queer romance would be a nice bonus. my fave so far is tsco starship iris, and i also loved greater boston, wooden overcoats, the bright sessions and caravan. and thanks always for all your great recs! you’ve brought many hours of joy into my life :)

Thank you!! <3 <3 You might like some of these!

We Fix Space Junk -- Two intergalactic repairpeople -- a knowledgeable cyborg veteran and a former socialite on the run -- travel the universe meeting people and fixing things at the behest of the terrifying intergalactic corporation they’re trying to work off their debts to. Hilarious British sci-fi sitcom featuring Evil Space Capitalism, many many wonderful AI characters, and an absolutely delightful teenage space wasp-human-cow hybrid princess who is probably off accomplishing her grandiose special destiny somewhere offscreen while the main characters deal with things like their bosses possibly trying to kill them (again).

Death by Dying -- People have a tendency to die in odd ways in the small town of Crestfall, Idaho. Luckily the town also has an Obituary Writer, an eccentric and nameless but impeccably stylish fellow whose closest friend is the Angel of Death, and who has a knack for solving murders even though that’s definitely not his job description. Throw in walrus haikus, extremely rude ravens, Something Mysterious And Malevolent Lurking In The Dark Woods Outside Of Town, disappearing childhood homes, silent nuns, ghost bicycles, and three man-eating cats, and you get something like a delightful cross between Wooden Overcoats and Lemony Snicket. (Also, OW is peak Canonically Bisexual Dumbass.)

Less is Morgue -- Riley is a paranoid, reclusive teenager with a fondness for conspiracy theories who lives in their parents’ basement. They’re also a predatory ghoul who feeds on human flesh. Evelyn is a cheerful, outgoing young woman with questionable tastes in media. She’s also a ghost, ever since she was killed by a falling stage light at a Nickelback concert 16 years ago. And since Riley dug up and ate Evelyn’s corpse, they’re roommates! Will they ever manage to record a coherent episode of their podcast without something going ridiculously wrong and/or Riley eating one of the guests? Probably not!

Victoriocity -- The steampunk buddy-cop comedy-mystery thriller you never knew you needed but definitely do! Featuring Inspector Fleet, a grouchy, extremely driven policeman looking for the murderer of the Empire’s greatest inventor, and Clara Entwhistle, an even more driven and unfailingly upbeat rookie journalist who has just arrived in the island-spanning, bizarre cityscape of alt-history Even Greater London. Come for some of my favorite sarcastic British narration since Adams and Pratchett, stay for characters-are-begrudgingly-forced-to-work-together-until-they-come-to-genuinely-and-deeply-care-about-one-another-as-friends trope. (Also for Tom “Eric Chapman” Crowley as the aforementioned grumpy detective.)

Quid Pro Euro -- From one of the other leads of Wooden Overcoats, this doesn’t have a typical plot as such but has made me laugh so hard I pulled a muscle despite the fact that I know nothing about the EU. Which is what this near-surreal, Look Around You-style comedy is about: Felix Trench’s vision of a simultaneously hilarious and terrifying alternate European Union, seen from the perspective of a serious of educational tapes from the ‘90s predicting what the EU would look like in the 21st century. It’s hard to describe this show in any way that does it justice, but it’s incredibly funny.

Time:Bombs -- A miniseries by the exalted creators of Wolf 359, which (because they are madmen) was written, recorded, and produced in the space of one week. Also, a comedy about an NYC bomb retrieval squad on New Year’s Eve, most of whom are just trying to get through the night while their leader attempts to break a record for most bombs cleared before the calendar ticks over. Chaos and hilarity ensure.

Superstition -- Wisecracking, bi, Jewish, definitely-a-private-eye-just-don’t-check-her-qualifications Jacqueline St. James receives a message from her father, which is weird, because her parents disappeared years ago. Following the trail leads Jack to Superstition, Arizona, a town in the middle of the desert where everyone’s got secrets, assorted ghosts/monsters/cryptids harrass the locals, and the missing persons rate is the highest in the nation. As a protagonist Jack is Looking For Trouble And If She Cannot Find It She Will Create It, so while Superstition isn’t a comedy per se, it’s got a fair share of laughs and is also just so, so excellent in general.

Standard Docking Procedure -- A self-declared hopepunk scifi workplace comedy about the somewhat dysfunctional staff of Pseudopolis Station, effectively a high-tech interstellar truck stop. It’s funny and heartwarming, nothing truly bad happens, and Julia Schifini is there.

Solutions to Problems -- A morally-questionable human named Janet who has defintely never done any illegal time travel and an easygoing, physically indescribably alien who likes to go by Loaf host an intergalactic advice podcast. Are you tired of your species’ insistence on solving everything via ritual combat? Not sure how to talk to your partner about whether body-swapping has a place in your sex life? Dealing with being a superpowered teenager summoned into being by the collective will of an apocalyptic groupthink cult? Janet and Loaf have you covered! Provided that Janet’s on-and-off girlfriend, the AI who supplies the air they breathe, doesn’t kill them all first. Oddly heartfelt comedy in the form of a relationship advice radio show from the Space Future.

Middle:Below -- This show’s tagline is “Remember: bad things WILL happen,” and that is basically a lie. This is actually a short, incredibly heartwarming and frequently funny show about Taylor Quinn, the only human with the ability to pass between the land of the living (aka the Middle) and the land of ghosts (the Below). Meaning, of course, that the dead call on him to fix all their problems, with the help of a girl named Heather, a ghost named Gil, and a cat named Sans. (Also, some of the most comparatively wild live shows I’ve ever heard.)

Inn Between -- Ever wonder what fantasy characters get up to between adventures, during all that time they seem to spend at inns? This show skips all the adventuring, question, and action, instead focusing on the quiet moments between where what is Definitely Not A D&D Party meet and progress from bickering strangers brought together by circumstance to close-knit found family -- all at the inn, of course. (Lots of queer folks in here also, although there’s no romance at least in the first couple seasons.)

The Godshead Incidental -- A relatively new but very exciting and so far really enjoyable show!! Following a young woman who writes an advice column through her life in a familiar, and yet strange city where anyone might be a minor god -- your editor, your landlord, that weird guy on the street who was shouting about how he’s the God of Memory and you got into a fight with him and now you keep forgetting everything? Also, your apartment is full of pigeons now because you found out the aforementioned landlord is secretly the god of doorknobs and he’s panicking. Good luck! (Starring Ishani Kanetkar, aka Arkady from Starship Iris!)

Gal Pals Present: Overkill -- Madison, a middle schooler at a Girl Scout camp, agrees to play a game with a somewhat tastelessly bright-pink Ouija board. However, Madison doesn’t know that she’s a natural medium, and now sarcastic mid-2000s 19-year-old Aya Velasquez has joined the many ghosts who are for some reason haunting scenic Harding Park. Aya, however, will not rest until she can solve her own murder (and possibly get to know that other ghost girl a bit better, who says romance has to stop when you’re dead?). Absolutely hilarious writing of a narrator who is almost definitely wearing spectral Uggs during the entire show.

Dark Ages -- The Rivercliffe Museum of Mostly Natural History is one of the finest museums anywhere! Or it would be, if anyone ever actually visited it. Or maybe if the staff weren’t a disastrous and dysfunctional collection of criminals, weirdos, wannabe immortals, idiot bisexuals who can’t just admit they like each other, and one extremely uptight elf with no people skills. Also, it would probably help if the legendary and fearsome Dark Lord, finally returned from his millennia of dormancy to complete his prophesied conquest of the world, wasn’t hanging around watching the chaos unfold because they’ve got his crown on display. (Fantasy workplace comedy with a theme song that did not need to go that hard?)

Brimstone Valley Mall -- It’s mid-December 1999, and at one mall in South Central Pennsylvania, a group of demons are going about their evil work -- namely, working at various dinky kiosks and restaurants, hoping of achieving every demon’s dream of getting to work at Hot Topic, trying not to do too much evil because Earth is way more fun than Hell and no one wants to get promoted back home, and preparing for their band's triumphant opening performance at the upcoming Y2K party. Just one problem: their lead singer is missing. Another absolute masterwork from The Whisperforge.

Arden -- 10 years ago, Hollywood starlet Julie Capsom vanished into the woods of northern California, leaving behind a car containing a human torso that may or may not have belonged to one Ralph Montgomery. Now, private eye Brenda Bentley and reporter Bea Casely, both of whom were among the first at the scene and both of whom have their own very strong opinions on the case, are setting out to solve the mystery on their true crime podcast, Arden. Providing, of course, they can stop arguing with each other long enough to solve it. (Or, a not-really-parody-but-definitely-comedy “true crime” podcast where the crime is a retelling of Romeo and Juliet -- and even knowing that, it’s still a genuine mystery with twists and a surprise ending! -- and the hosts are wlw Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing. In other words, it’s perfect. Season 2 is upcoming soon and is adapting Hamlet!!)

Alba Salix/The Axe and Crown -- Another high fantasy workplace sitcom, this one a medical comedy about the titular not-very-personable witch who runs the kingdom’s House of Healing and the various shenanigans she gets into, between her somewhat scatterbrained sister and brother-in-law the king and queen and her assistants, an overly-whimsical fairy and a wannabe monk forced to do community service. The same feed contains The Axe and Crown, a spinoff set in the same world that manages to simultaneously be a sitcom about the staff of a local pub trying to stave off foreclosure and come up with schemes to beat their business rivals, and a heartfelt story about gentrification and recovery starring a gay veteran with PTSD? Which is possibly one of my favorite podcasts? (Also contains one of the most unbelievable crossover cameos possible: Leon Stamatis.)

The Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root -- Also a high fantasy comedy! When a witch transforms heroic Sir Rodney into a small piece of wood, his closest companion Sir Gilbert must set out to cure him by collecting several highly powerful and dangerous relics, accompanied by a snarky dwarfen thief, an imperious princess, a slightly creepy human child raised by fairies, a picky elf sorcerer, a dead unicorn possessed by the ghost of a stoner, and a bard who breaks the fourth wall too much for his own good. So far as I can tell, nobody is straight.

The Amelia Project -- A dark comedy about a secret organization that helps people fake their deaths. Which is honestly a pretty full summary, barring the two important points that 1. this show contains possibly the most continuity-warping crossover event of all time (it’s the center point of this absolutely chaotic diagram), and 2. in one episode Felix Trench plays a character named Bartholomew Fuckface Chucklepants Knucklecracker.

#podcast recs #bobbie recommends things #yujacha #asks #my posts

72 notes · View notes

randomisthefandom · 6 years ago

Text

a list of my favorite funny shadowhunter chronicles quotes:

it’s the mortal cup jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.

“how was the seelie queen?” “same as usual.” “raging bitch, then?” “pretty much”

no, i’m a very naughty boy. i do all sorts of bad things. i kick kittens. i make rude gestures at nuns.

“what’s this?” “it’s a girl, alec. your sister isabelle is one.”

the clave has the collective intelligence of a pineapple.

i thought i’d lie on the floor and writhe in pain for awhile. it relaxes me.

that’s simon lewis, and he is my boyfriend. so if any of you think about trying to hurt him because he's a mundie or--may the angel have mercy on your soul--pursuing him romantically, i will come after you, i will hunt you down and i will crush you to powder.

i was going to watch project runway. it’s on next

never trust a duck.

nobody calls me ‘blondie’ and keeps their kneecaps.

meanwhile, i wanted to tell you that lately i’ve been cross-dressing. also, i’m sleeping with your mom. i thought you should know.

speaking of hope, did you see that shot alec got off with his bow? that’s my boyfriend.

i think she asked if she could touch my mango.

i was alive when the dead sea was just a lake that was feeling rather poorly.

usually i’m remarkably good natured. try me on a day that doesn’t end in y.

a warlock who looks like a gay sonic the hedge hog and dresses like the child catcher from chitty chitty bang bang.

hot faerie threesome. i can say i knew you when.

i’m pure at heart. it repels the dirt.

“and i don't know how to be smooth, sexy vampire simon for you, either!" “you were never that smooth, simon.”

not necessarily. i turn myself down occasionally just to keep it interesting.

it isn’t against the law to be an idiot.

first candy and flowers, then the apology letters, then the ravenous demon hoards- all in one day.

demon pox, oh demon pox. just how is it acquired? one must go down to the bad part of town until one is very tired. demon pox, oh demon pox, i had it all along—not the pox, you foolish blocks, i mean this very song— for i was right, and you were wrong!

"a...lord montgomery? you dated a member of the nobility? how am I ever going to compete with that?" "you’re lord montgomery, simon!”

“‘will. do you care more about the plan being enacted or about getting credit for it?” “that. the second one.”

i am a man and men do not consume pink beverages.

oh, i’m sorry. is there a different highway you’d like to die on? because we can arrange that.

the meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited like me.

but he hurt jules, so when we track him down, i am going to chop him up and feed him to my fish. well, i’m going to buy some. i’m going to buy goldfish and feed them blood until they acquire a taste for human flesh.

when i first arrived in london, i so quickly tired of being surrounded by so many people that it was only with great difficulty that i refrained from seizing the next unfortunate who crossed my path and committing violent acts upon their person.

i see you have decided to follow in the long herondale tradition of poor decision-making.

“so you just came here to torture me and talk about yourself?” “oh, simon, simon, simon. you may not remember, but that's kind of our thing.”

i’ve heard the word ‘fear’, i simply choose to believe it doesn’t apply to me.

“i’m trying to figure out how someone could live in a brothel for a month and not notice. you must be terribly dull-witted. if it helps at all, it seemed to be quite a high-class establishment. nicely furnished, fairly clean...” “sounds as if you've visited your fair share of brothels. making a study of them?” “more of a hobby.’”

“jesus!” “actually, it’s just me, although i’ve been told the resemblance is startling.”

nice, bah. he’s gorgeous. you should leave him here. i could hang hats on him and things.

that’s why when major bad asses greet each other in movies, they don’t say anything, they just nod. the nod means ‘I am a badass and I recognize that you, too, are a badass’, but they don’t say anything because they’re wolverine and magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain.

i’m a werewolf not a golden retriever.

i’ll crash the wedding. i’ll jump out of the cake, but not in a sexy way. like, with grenades

did you ever think that in a past life alec was an old woman with ninety cats who was always yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off her lawn? because i do.

“have you got a spider anywhere?” “why would i have a spider? do i look like someone who would collect them?” “no offense, but you kind of do.”

unfortunately, we are all out of bitter revenge at the moment. so it’s either tea or nothing.

“i’m not gay. i’m not straight. i’m not interested.” “your sexuality is ‘not interested’?” “that’s right.”

just kissing? how quickly you dismiss our love.

you had to make a crazy jail friend didn’t you? you couldn’t just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?

just coffee. black like my soul.

magnus did not have enormous respect for the law, but if he was breaking it he wanted to look good doing it.

i don’t want to grow up, i want to be an angst ridden teenager who can’t confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.

“magnus, you were trying to flirt with your own plate.” “i’m a very open-minded sort of fellow!” “ragnor is not. when he found out that you were feeding us guinea pigs, he hit you over the head with your plate. it broke.” “so ended our love. ah, well. It would never have worked between me and the plate anyway.”

“when will says 'enterprising', he means 'morally deficient.” “no, I mean enterprising. when i mean morally deficient, i say, ‘now that's something i would have done.’”

never believe the bad guy is dead until you see a body. that just leads to unhappiness and surprise ambushes.

“i promise to charm the dickens out of him. i shall charm him with such force that when i am done, he will be left lying limply on the ground, trying to remember his own name.” “the man's eighty-nine. he may well have the problem anyway.”

i thought: classic jace. never makes a mess when a catastrophe will do.

“that’s not the spirit of the law, emma. remember? ‘the law is hard, but it is the law’” “i thought it was ‘the law is annoying, but it is also flexible.’”

“a little girl robbed you?” “actually she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of six-fingered nigel.”

“goodness. if you keep seeing six-fingered nigel like this, he'll expect you to declare your intentions."

you told us to leave you in the desert, because you planned to start a new life as a cactus.

your pretense does not fool me, gnome. my eye will be upon you.

of course, for a badass warrior, jace is kind of prissy.

good proverb. however, like most proverbs, it sounds wise and yet does not actually clarify anything.

let me just follow up by describing what a big mistake you would be making if you broke up with alec. the lightwoods are seriously hot people. some people say the herondales used to be hot, but think about it-not only do we outnumber them, but we took their last hottie and we made him ours. obviously, we won the victory.

2K notes · View notes

achieveandhunt · 6 years ago

Text

live typing extra life 2019

warning: this a fucking LONG post. if you plan on reading it all, godspeed.

i typed all of this as it was happening on stream so this gets progressively less coherent as i grow more sleep deprived. prepare yourselves. i may or may not go off topic at some points

larry vehemently vomiting pure malic acid. we’re off to a great start

what the fuck the soggy ass popcorn in that ranch jesus christ

lindsay in the song from AH the musical. i love her so much

jeremy going YAAAAAAY after someone eats a cursed oreo

matt getting AGGRESSIVELY kissed by larry

“this kiss this kiss” before geoff and jack kiss

geoff “i’m from alabama” ramsey

THIS FUCKING RANCH SEGMENT HAS ME GAGGING

jeremy “the alcohol demon the whiskey goblin” dooley

alfredo “you wont believe what the white people did today” diaz

DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS GET THAT DICK ESSENCE

wait why does it sound like wonderwall

they look like characters from the matrix

the speaking parts. make my teeth hurt

in conclusion: they weren’t kidding abt the tight pants

okay everyone get ready for eric soundboard spamming YEAH BABEY

“hi i’m from broadcast and i don’t want to be here” they represent themselves well

also, let’s take a second to appreciate broadcast here!! they have a really tough job and don’t get a ton of credit. lots of love to all of broadcast!!! you guys are awesome

i am: foreseeing problems with this eric sound board

which one is eric?? will the real eric please stand up?? was the real eric the one we found along the way??

“i’m... just really worried that i won’t ever find love-” “i really don’t care”

WHY DO THEY HAVE THAT ON THE SOUNDBOARD (what does that apply to? whatever it is you’re thinking of, but mostly “daddy wants some”)

ooh someone’s about to get a fReE tongue piercing from a pineapple

god dammit i went to the bathroom for thirty seconds and now they’re eating chad’s chest hair

owie the shock collar and belly slap look painful, but drinking natty light from a shoe? that’s a true punishment

“and this roast was brought to you by meundies”

ah yes what better way is there to end a segment than people throwing up

“man action” oh no

THROBERT MULVEINY

K A R B is blind in T W O of her eyes

“my last name is cottagecheese”

I HAVE A PIECE OF METAL SHOVED UP MY A S S

chris has somehow managed to lose 23 years of age and roughly 412 pounds

“just open throat like baby bird” who the fuck is writing this and why is it jeremy

jon. jon you’re breathing in adam’s ass fumes

a summary of this segment: ass and cottage cheese

BARB IS HERE I REPEAT BARB IS HERE

“to fitness” -starts choking-

final fitness coach: tad, here to workout your issues so they can beat you into submission

“will you buy my wet” well i don’t see that on the raffle items

we’re back folks & i’m loving this walk around segment

moonball wall and gavin&michael will soon be reunited can we get an F in the chat

jeremy getting a borderlands tattoo is very on brand

what’s extra life without a little satan

“starvation army, putting lead back into paint, increasing childhood obesity” people in chat: TAKE MY MONEY

chris “i’m doing a different hole” demarais

ah yes. the game we all play in hell: twister

nobody edit chris getting mustard shot down his throat. i’m scarred enough from the original clip

oh fuck. oh god. the mayo. oh god what the fuck is up with the misuse of condiments this year

this just in: a human soul costs roughly $12,700

D̷̯͑̆̈́͝Õ̸̲͎̥̬͈̬̙͕̲G̸̢̧̠͉͚̙̲̙̓̔̀̇S̷̥̀́͆̈́̇̀ ̶̣̞̗͚̬̭̖̦͇̈́̎̈́̿̓̈́͆̒̋D̷̙̟̩̫͉̺̐̊̚Ö̶̥́̋́̓ͅĜ̵̞̌͋̏̉̌̕͝͝S̵̤̹̣̫̮̻͛̍̑̕͝͝ ̷̧̨̞̙̥̟̜͍̉̍̑̏̇̀̾D̴̻̮̩̯͓͉̖͎̘͐̒͋̓̉͝ͅỎ̶̰͓̳̥͑̅͛͊̒͐͊͘̚G̵̩̻̦̥̠̃̔Ş̶̹͚̩̱͖̀͆͘ ̸̢̢͇̻͔̗̺̼͖̱̏̾̔̚D̴̨̨̫̙̃̾̋̾̆̓̓Ớ̷̡͓͎͊G̶̱̣̣̰̝̖̰̗̓͐̐̊͋̀͊̀̕͝Ş̷̩̺̬̖͙̺̟͗̈́͒͗̀̑́́̕͠ ̷̡͈̼̲͈̳̫̺̝̈́̋͌͗̒ͅD̸̨̬̞̪̗̘̄̑͆̿̈́͘͠͝O̸̡̡͇͕̻͎͍͉̅̌͗̄͌̑̉̔͂̎Ḡ̸͙̟̪̞̬̬͕͐̈̏S̶̝̪̼̮̠̜̭̳͖̘̑

urine: to help with aerodynamics

jon: maya, speak! maya: *the smallest arwoo*

today’s mvp: any dog. pick one. no matter which you pick, you’re right

how the fuck did blaine change back from satan so quickly

barb as a cat is... my new sleep paralysis demon

blaine: barbara speak! barbara: climate change is real

#dogsforkids

this just in: extra life killed my wifi

we’re back & kdin is in the business of killing people with spice. she is the spice queen

queue six thousand well-timed 1337 donations

HOLY SHIT THAT’S COLIN FROM WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY

hmm “questionable liquids” is very... questionable

trevor: oh there’s four of them! we all get to join in the Fuckkkk

“what’s your favorite kind of candy” “any meat”

i like pickles and i would rather rip my eyebrows off than drink the juice so i feel for trevor

the only thing worse than drinking apple cider vinegar is shooting it out of your nose

“can you feel the love tonight” “i used to and that’s the problem”

“flubs every word man” damn, really missed the chance to say captain hair

jeremy not being able to intentionally flub his words is so fucking funny

OK BOOMER

wow i can feel my blood pressure spike just watching these shots

Xavier Woods is here and he wants to know if it’s Christmas

miles doesn’t know what a question is

WHERE’S YOUR HAIR

oh no. oh no helping hands is next. everyone clear a splash zone

CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

miles bossing around chef mike is priceless

“you leave that fucking dough on the floor”

“you wanna slam your hands down on the table” *pizza sauce goes flying everywhere*

HOEDOWN HOEDOWN HOEDOWN jesus why do i keep doing that

“If Colin Mochrie is listening, I’ll see you here next year” OH FUCK YEAH

--- this is when i take a break so my soul can return to my body (aka i have work to turn in. college will never not be a pain in my ass) ---

oh god dammit i missed all of Always Open. fuck college who needs a medical degree

so... we have some very interesting things happening in family feud and i’m not sure if i like any of them

hmm. is now the time to get drunk

oily twist feels very... ominous

what do you mean you don’t remember gandalf having a taser in lord of the rings?

someone in the chat said “big stupid sleeping thing is what my parents called me in high school”

i think i’m blacking out what’s going on i don’t remember the past two hours

ah yes. voldemort and snape having a talk show together sounds exactly like something J.K. Rowling would make a spinoff book or show or porno of

can we just talk about how much shit chris has been doing this year? what a guy. what a dude

“coldy with voldy” actually means getting knocked the fuck out cold because you only got three hours of sleep last night and you don’t want to miss chef mike and lindsay cooking

this snape poem is summarized by one phrase: “that was terrible sit the fuck down” (sorry chris)

“let’s destroy a weasley” enter chad

fucking called it

“you smell poor” i need a caffeine drip

heh the wheel spins are at 69 heh nice

i’m a grown ass woman

welcome to a section called: we torture chad for your entertainment

“who wants us to kill weasley?” *massive cheers from the audience*

“wait weasley step away from the wideshot so i can masturbate to this later”

“i’m not gonna rub my eye mom”

oh they’re really gonna kill chad on stream huh

i felt that chest slap in my soul

i think i felt my own ribs crack

oh fucking

tumblr deleted my thoughts on the fanfic section

alright. fine. brief summary: my teeth are burning

my mom lindsay is on next and i’m so excited but i’m nearing the point of loopiness so things will go downhill dramatically from here

this is my fucking fourth extra life, you would think i’d be smart enough to sleep the night before

LINDSAY LINDSAY LINDSAY THAT’S MY MOM

JEREMY JEREMY JERE- wait a second... did jeremy get taller

oH CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

i hope Xavier comes back next year because he’s funny as fuck

m y a t t

oh god the mcdonald’s shade i’m rolling

lindsay “who’s the chef here” jones

chef mike mentioned mayo and i involuntarily gagged

chef mike clowning the big mac. i’m crying

he made the right choice with ryan bc i’ve seen his cooking stream(s) and it’s nothing if not great content

i heARD A MICHAEL JONES

“lindsay you haven’t done anything but warm up cookies so far” “yeah and?? you’re welcome”

you know that classic snack. slightly warm oreos

JEREMY THE LIQUOR GOBLIN DOOLEY IS BACK

oh god him screeching across set is making me cry laughing

why does it remind me of trevor’s voice cracks in the one minecraft ep where they’re singing the lion king

the biggest spoon for the smallest shot glass

i just realized we’re not even halfway through yet and i’m scared for the length of this list i’m gonna end up falling asleep involuntarily at some point

lindsay no your teeth are going to errode from that shot in your mouth

well timed leet donation #1829495

this gorden ramsey bit is so fucking good

jack: what do you think of the arugala? matt: i don’t even know what you said

iT’s NoT jUsT tWo CoOkIeS miCHeAL

jeremy and michael just chillin amidst the choas is exactly my demeanor at any party i’ve ever been to

lindsay scores: ryan = 7 because diet coke, matt = still eating lindsay’s meal so it’s a 10, xavier = also still eating it so it’s an 8. total: 25

“deep fry everything but a remote control”

chef mike scores: ryan = 9 for no death, matt = greens are present, words were said, score is 8. xavier = Gourmet Mcdonald’s, food is edible, score is 8. total: 25

oh fuck it’s a tie

now they fight to the death. death = doing as many shots as possible

i think we’re all going to need liver transplants after tonight

no jesus please don’t vomit oh goD oh fUc k please- oh thank god

okay i’m making a part two this is too much

#extra life 2019 #i’m going for full 24 hours this year #rooster teeth #achievement hunter #jeremy dooley #michael jones #lindsay jones #jack pattillo #geoff ramsey #gavin free #ryan haywood #matt bragg #alfredo diaz #trevor collins #fiona nova #i regret everything in my life that has led to this moment

131 notes · View notes

medea10 · 5 years ago

Text

My Review of Magical Girl Site

How did I get into this anime? I…huh…Good question! I don’t recall. Probably some other anime reviewers mentioned it and I put it on the Amazon/Netflix list hoping I won’t have to watch it any time soon. Two years later and here we are!

Aya Asagiri’s life is a living hell. She is constantly bullied at school and no one does a thing to stop it. Her teachers don’t care about her well-being. Her father barely notices she exists. And to top it off, her brother beats the crap out of her just for him to relieve stress! Is it any wonder that she wants to commit suicide? One night, her computer mysteriously turns on to a website, promoting Aya to become a magical girl. She brushed it off and thought nothing of it…

That is until the next morning when she finds a note and a gun in her shoe locker. After being tortured by her bullies and almost raped, she finds herself at the end of her ropes and pulls out the mysterious gun. When she pulled the trigger, her bullies disappeared. Turns out, the targets are transported to another place. In the case of some of her bullies, they were transported to in front of a moving train.

Karma, bitches!

It’s unknown why Aya was specifically chosen to become a magical girl, but fellow magical girl Yatsumura feels she could use Aya’s magic to combat a looming threat to other magical girls. But they must not overuse their magic, otherwise they will die.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: As of this moment, this anime seems to be in the capable hands of Amazon Prime. And we all know how well they treat animes, right?! Hahaha! Funny! Anyways, don’t expect a dub! The cast seems to be comprised of many female seiyuus I’m not particularly familiar with. I mean with the exception of Aina Suzuki, I hear her sounds every day thanks to the Love Live game apps! Add to that the creepy, raspy voice of Frieza playing the site administrator! One voice actor however I heard the second he let out a creepy, hygena-like laugh, I knew exactly who this crazy bastard was! Nobuhiko Okamoto plays a great psychopath. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Aya is played by Yuuko Oono

*Yatsumura is played by Himika Akaneya

*Sarina is played by Haruka Yamazaki (known for Ruka on Hayate the Combat Butler, Mero on Monster Musume, Aika on High School DxD, and Natsumi on Danganronpa 3)

*Nijimi is played by Yuu Serizawa (known for Shera on How Not to Summon a Demon Lord)

*Shioi is played by Aina Suzuki (known for Mari on Love Live Sunshine)

AUTOMATICLY THROWN ON DISLIKED LIST: Okay children, who automatically ends up on my hate list for life?

Fuckers who commit rape and fuckers who kill animals for fun!

Damn right! Give this anime some credit for not showing Aya’s bullies throwing a cat in front of a moving train. If this were 10 years ago, they probably would have animated it and I would have been puking afterward. I’m not sure which of Aya’s bullies threw a cat in front of a moving train, but for the time being, I’m throwing them all on the list.

And while I’m here, Sarina! She was like the ring-leader in the bullying of Aya. I’m almost certain she’s the bitch that killed the stray cat but I have no proof of that. With my history with horrible people like that, I have no sympathy for bullies in the slightest and feel she got what was coming to her. Bitch, you got that big, ugly scar on your neck for a reason. You got what was coming!

DEFINITELY BELONGS IN DISLIKE HISTORY: Now that I got the usual gripe off my chest, gotta add Aya’s onii-chan, Kaname! Sweet merciful crap, do I love hearing Nobuhiko Okamoto play a psychopath, but this is going way too far. And Kaname is just irredeemable! He has this complex that makes him think he’s on God-tier and everyone else is beneth him. Now I do have to hate Kaname and Aya’s father for placing this kind of pressure on Kaname and beating the shit out of him if he gets bad grades. But good fuck, this guy just pushes past the line of no return when he tries to manipulate little girls, steal their power, and lose control. And this wasn’t like he had no control over his own body and wants to stop this from happening! Kaname meant every thing he did to his sister and her friends. OH…and that one guy he forced to off himself! I just can’t even with this guy!

SHIPPING: I know a lot of people ship the hell out of Aya and Yatsumura and yeah, I can see that and I would ship them too. But for reals, I just want these two girls to live a life of peace together for as long as they’re around. For fuck’s sake, did you see the shit they put up with in their lives? Aya was bullied relentlessly at home and school. Yatsumura watched her whole family be slaughtered by a creep. These girls deserve some sort of peace! I know this is the shipping category, but I felt the need to say this.

STICKS: Okay anime, what are you doing? Aya uses a magical gun! Sarina uses a magical yo-yo! Nijimi uses magical panties (insert immature laugh here)! Yatsumura uses a magical remote! How hard is it to have them say that! And I probably shouldn’t put blame on the anime and holler at the manga! But calling magical items “Sticks”, that feels…I don’t want to say stupid, but I can’t think of any other word to go along with that. I just feel like the manga was on some deadline and they were frantically finishing what to call their magical items and just went “FUCK IT, IT’S STICKS”.

COULD HAVE FOOLED ME: In the “Could have fooled me” category we have a boy who identifies as a girl magical girl! Man, 2018 definitely was the progressive AF year! I mean, we had Lily from Zombieland Saga, we had the girls who transformed into magical buff men in Magical Girl Ore, and now THIS! So we have Kiyo! An openly transgendered magical girl that’s not a token joke! Okay, well done guys! Pearl points all around!

ENDING: Early in the series, we learned about a moment called “The Tempest”. A catastrophic even set to take place once enough negative energy is caught. There are a lot of Magical Girl Site administrators that take advantage of “POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS”. They pick the most unfortunate girls as pawns in their game. And once “The Tempest” hits, everyone will die and the world will start over anew. Aya and Yatsumura end up meeting new magical girl allies and even a few that were coersed by different administrators. Not to mention one of Aya’s bullies is a magical girl too with a score to settle! What could be worse?

How about we add Aya’s disgusting brother to this mix?! As I’ve mentioned before, Aya’s brother Kaname would use Aya as a personal punching bag in order to get rid of stress. When Aya became a magical girl, she would spend more time with Yatsumura or the other girls, leaving Kaname to go without slugging his sister. So fuckface over here manipulates another magical girl, Nijimi to do what he says. This leads to him stealing Nijimi’s underwear and gaining her magical power of mind control. I never thought I would have to say a sentence like that, but here we are.

Kaname went out of control with this power as he managed to injure all of the girls and give a fatal blow to Nijimi. But another possible enemy dropped a bomb on us when they kidnapped Kaname. THEN, these girls are targeted at Nijimi’s funeral and they almost died. Add another plot-twist, a police officer that’s been seen from time to time in a lot of the tragedies in the show is in cahoots with one of the magical girl site administrators. This keeps getting fuckier by the minute! Well, the girls felt it was time to take action and try to take out the administrators that screwed them with this doomed fate. But once they took out one of the administrators, they came across an ugly truth.

Sight administrators are magical girls who died previously!

Yeah, not that big of a shock! Madoka Magica gave us magical girls who end up so corrupt that they become witches they’re supposed to fight. While some of the administrators ended up falling to these girls, Nana (the creepy one we’ve been watching since ep 1) is the hardest one to take out. She ends up killing Yatsumura (because she used up too much of her power), but then manipulates her to become an administrator.

Once she manipulated Yatsumura, she ends up going after Aya. And after a lot of back-and-forth between the two girls, Yatsumura was able to snap out of Nana’s control and they managed to take out Nana. And we end the series with a brighter future for Aya and Yatsumura as their lives become a little less unfortunate.

Yeah, few issues here!

1.) There are still a butt-load of site administrators. Isn’t there still a “Tempest” going to happen? 2.) Aya and Yatsumura’s lives aren’t in danger anymore after using fuck-tons of their power? WTF?! 3.) What was the point of Aya shooting herself to get Yatsumura back? I am not following you. Is this some sort of Insception shit?! 4.) That detective! Misumi was his name? Why was he just casually talking to Nana a few episodes back? 5.) Why don’t we see him until the final few moments in the finale? 6.) WHY DID HE RAPE KANAME?! 7.) WHY WAS THIS SCENE A THING? 8.) I don’t want to say Kaname deserved it, buuuuuut… Uuuggghhh…Mumble, mumble. I can’t finish that thought. 9.) These site administrators are probably pissed and are going to want revenge on these magical girls. What’s going on here?

…Let me guess, I need to read the manga to get all my questions answered…

FUCKING FIGURES!

Seriously...what Misumi did. That scene is forever etched in my brain forever. Next to that scene of Kaname wiggling his junk in front of a guy.

This anime was pretty bad. No wait...

This anime was way too edgy for me! Episode 1 was just absolute torture porn involving Aya. The first episode managed to combine the bully scene in Vivid Strike, the puppy killing scene in Elfen Lied, and every bullying episode of Hell Girl all into one single episode. As for the rest of this series, they go above and beyond to grab some of the worst aspects of other animes and implement them here. Aya’s older brother almost has a God-complex that rivals that of Light Yagami of Death Note. Nijimi has a devoted fan that’s almost crossing over from the movie Perfect Blue. Body mutilation scenes on levels not seen since Higurashi! And fill this world up with the worst kinds of humans imaginable like in Elfen Lied! This was just too much hatred! Too much!

Add to that, there’s absolutely no resolution to this story. Yes, Aya and Yatsumura are alive and together. But guys, there are still some other-worldly strong site administrators looming! Tempest is still happening. KANAME IS STILL FUCKING ALIVE…literally and figuratively speaking! And with how much this anime has been panned by anime fans across the board, I doubt if this anime will ever receive a sequel. Guys, if you want a really good 12-episode anime about magical girls with an edge, just watch Madoka Magica. But if you’re a curious idiot like me, whatever, you do you!

As this anime is an Amazon Prime exclusive, I’m afraid that’s the only legal outlet for this.

Now that this is over, my next Amazon/Netflix/Crunchyroll anime is…

Grand Blue!

Oh, it’s set in a cute ocean town. Am I going to enjoy some cute absurdity like I did with Tsuritama?

Sort of!

OH GOOD FUCK, WHAT FRAT HOUSE WAS THIS BIRTHED FROM?!

#anime review #magical girl site #mahou shoujo site #aya asagiri #tsuyuno yatsumura #kaname asagiri #sarina shizukume

27 notes · View notes

voidselfshipp · 4 years ago

Text

Jealous

Tw mentions of guns,slightly suggestive,mentions image issues.

Ok to rb

--i hate her--jerico said feeding her black cat,who was standing on her shoulder;The cat hissed,and Ate the sunflower seed cookie--and shes going to spend a whole day here?near sniper?MY sniper?

The car mewoed,and she rolled her eyes-- its not that I have something to envy her, vica,its just that, well, just compare the two damn things, like, she can fend off for herself.

Her familiar jumped to the floor,and rubbed their head on her legs,purring.

--I guess youre right--she grabbed her backpack and went outside the van, vica jumps on her shoulder then jumps again, transforming Into their crow form--I still dont wanna see her...

Jer jumps as soon as she steps foot in the shooting range. The loud bang scaring the living daylights out of her.

--La concha de tu madre!--she screams out of the sudden as the gun bangs again.

--Thats enough amelie--an aussie accent said,Jeri then felt a pair of arms hugging her--You alroight Sheila?

--Yeah im okay, it did scare me though, I thought you had put silencer on that rifle

--Yeah I did,Amelie did not ,anyway what are you doing here?

--just wanted to check up on you thats all

The french woman sunk a bit as jericos glares daggers at her, to then sit nearby them with her crow friend cawing.

Both snipers kept on practicing,Jers leg bounced rapidly, seeing how concentrated both were.

Her familiar pecked her cheek with their beak when they caught her picking at her skin,and as a way of saying 'dont be silly'.

Then they flew on her lap and transformed back into a black cat,gaining some scratching under their chin from her.

--Splendid shot sniper--the peace jeri had for a moment vanished as she saw Widow hand squeeze the aussies shoulder.

Vica hissed,widowmaker had a damn deatwish.

Though the old demons heart ached for their niece,insecurities got the best of her, and they did get it.

Someone as widow,skillfully trained,great sharpshooter,and a nice voice and accent, and a nice physique.

They did understand where it came from.

They sighed and stood up in two legs almost hugging jerico,who caressed their back.

She was also wonderful in her own way.

--Alroight--sniper said-lets take a breather--we're going to Grab somethin ta eat,you comin jerico?

--im alright dont worry

Jer saw him leave with widow behind him, and looked at the old weapons crate some centemeters away from where she was.

When was the last time she used that damn thing?.

Vica hissed, and shook their head--Ya dont need to go through all that trouble to show off--their british accent was a breeze of cold air, they've barely spoken these days-- if ya wanna use that rifle use it,but you dont have to show off, he still loves ya

Jer put her familiar aside and kicked Open the crate,taking her own custom rifle out, engie had built for her as a way of self denfese..

She held her breath and sighed,calming down the palpitations of her heart.

--Just like dad taught me....

One by one ,and fairly quickly the targets were shot down by her.

Feeling satisfied she put her rifle out, turning around at the sensation of being watched, and slightly jumping when she sees both sniper and WIDOWMAKER on the door.

--Oh you guys are back--she put the safety on the gun and put it back in the crate.

--yeah--sniper said-- anyway, enough slacking off

Both sharpshooters resumed their training.

Vica nibbled at jeris hem of her pants, she then grabbed her and her backpack,muttering a poor excuse of a goodbye wich wasnt heard by neither of her companions.

--i dont fucking get it!--Jerico said while punching the punching bag at the gym--what does she have that I dont?!--her Fist Landed two more punches and a couple of kicks by her legs--i get the fact that hes teaching her but fuck!

Vicas fur stands up as jer hits the bag with such sudden surge of magic that it sends it flying.

--Okay champ calm down--vica stretched,and in a cloud of dark they transformed into their human form,taking off their plague doctor mask.

--Im not calming down shes just!--jer is about to hit thin air when vica stops her.

--Just what?

--Shes just better than me!okay?! She has a nicer body!better skills than me!shes just...way better than me!

Tears started to form in the corner of her eyes, frustration,sadness? Maybe both.

Vica hugged her,caressing her hair--Jerico,dont say that!ya have way more skills than 'er,and by gods sake, jerico youre so pretty, you dont need to have her body to be pretty,do ya really think Mick would be into that?no! Hes into you ya idiot

They could still feel her rage seething,so she grabbed her hands and pressed them togheter--Youre Burning up

--Its not funny

--no,look at the floor,youre leaving burnt marks on the floor, I need ya to calm down

Jer sighed, exhaling a handfull of smoke,toning down her temperature.

--See? Good!

The rest of the day jerico stayed away,knowing that maybe she should take some distance, she didnt want to burn down the whole base because her feelings were running wild.

Sparring worked wonders for her.

--Can you Belive that shit?--sniper asked to widow--jerico pinned down a Man twice her size, how in gods name!

The french woman looked at poor soldier, who was headlocked into place.

--quite impressive, oui.

Jer sighed stretching her arms as she let soldier free--thanks for the practice soldier

--Dont mention It cupcake! You fight like a true american

Though sniper knew soldier wasnt interested in jerico at all it made his blood boil,suddenly he got up on the ring,vest off along with his hat.

--mick? What are you...?

--oi bet I can kick soldiers ass

Jer snorted,walking to him-- okay calm down, you Jelly snipes?

She felt like a hipocrite acting as if she wasnt jealous herself.

--'M not--

Jer smashed her lips against his, pinning Him against one of the rings corners, where his vest and hat were resting.

She then grabbed his hat and shoved it on his face.

He thanked the lord for that,his cheeks were Burning red.

--you little rascal!--He muttered under his breath as he saw jer get out of the ring with a proud smile, that was more directed to amelie than him.

When the day was almost ending,sniper invited jer to the shooting range,and dared her to make more points than amelie.

Both aussie and french woman knew it was rigged.

Widow was going to loose so jerico could get a peace of mind over the whole situation and leave her alone.

But boy.

Both, Specially sniper who has seen jerico shooting a gun less than five times, did not expect for her aim to be that good.

And he did not expect the growl she let out when she hit the moving target twenty meters from her,neither his cheeks turning even more red, as she drew her weapon,smiled showing those sharp canines, and growling.

--Mas suerte para la próxima,amelie...--she handed him his weapon and pat his back--so I win

--y yeah you do

Eventually widow left,and jerico is now sitting on the bases roof, playing her guitar with both of her familiars resting nearby.

Her digits pressed the notes on the neck of the guitar, her other hand strumming the strings.

Mick peeked through the trapdoor,softly walking towards her,enamored as her sweet voice sang a cheesy love song.

--H hey--he awkwardly says sitting besides her as jeri leaves her guitar aside, her hands now resting on her lap.

--Hey Mick..Whats up?

Sniper looked away--w were ya jealous of amelie earlier today?

She sighed,recoiling in herself--Yeah...sorry if it annoyed you..

Sniper snorted--didnt'cha see how red ya got me?, id ask ye to get jealous more often

Jer looked at him surprised before breaking into a fit of giggles, launching at him.

One of his hands grabbed his hat tight as he fell back first on the roof, his other hand holding her waist.

Her lips smashed against his, and her hands went under his shirt just to mess with him.

His cheeks turn bright red, and he starts to stutter.

--Payback!--jerico smiled smugly.

He hid his face with his hat and tried to make a coherent sentence.

He then heard her chuckle, and kiss his chin--te amo,Mick

--wot?

--i love you

--I love ye too jerico

She smiled helping him sit up,both staring at the other longinly, his arms hug her waist while her hands grip to his shirt, and he kisses her.

He May need to make her jealous more often if it meant theyd end up like that every time.

#f/o fic #🖤shot through the heart🖤

1 note · View note

readbythestarlight · 6 years ago

Text

c2e70

I miss Ashley :(((((

Sam has way too many props in front of him I’m nervous

Matt having to be like "Sam please don’t gloss over this the feature is actually really cool"

Oh man I wish Liam was actually in the room for this

Takiesin losing it at Sam’s ads is always my favorite part

[[MORE]]

I love how well Matt and the others handle the fandom drama. Just a reminder to love each other and a sort of stern look. No big grandstanding speeches or anything, just a reminder that we are a fandom who should be spreading love.

I don’t like that "seemingly" destroyed...

They need to message Yeza too because he’s just at home waiting

They should 100% have written this message before she sent it

YES tell her where you are right now

Cad’s right don’t act like you did anything wrong

I really think they should go back, regroup, maybe get some advice or some help

Idk man I know Cad sometimes sees the best in people and wants to trust them and maybe he’s wrong but I really think they should go back. They need help. They are so in over their head.

Frumpkin the therapy cat

"I don’t mean to raise my voice" Cad says while talking only moderately louder than usual

Cad’s so appaled by the fact that none of them know how to have any kind of faith

I don’t understand Fjord’s insistance that they are responsible

Oban would have done it anyway. This way they KNOW it’s happened.

Cad’s right. Jester’s right.

Beau and Fjord are both being pretty aggressive about this and it’s really interesting

I can’t decide whether that was a manipulative thing or a "we literally just don’t want to cause a panic by telling people there’s a monster demon god thing suddenly on the loose" thing

I don’t think that was a fair way to word that question, Beau. "Would a good guy serve a queen or save some people?" like that was not at all a fair way to ask. Y’all don’t have all the answers and Caleb’s right, you shouldn’t go off half-cocked

"Should I scry on Yasha?"//"Well at least she’ll know she’s not alone." MY HEART.

"I think disavowing authority simply because it is authority is reckless." Ooooo Cad hitting that nail on the head where Beau is concerned.

Jester being so sad and done is breaking my heart tbh

MotherfuCKING OBAN IS BACK ISNT HE

"The dead stare" too sad

FUCKING KNEW IT

I KNEW HE WASNT GONE

God dammit

"Seemingly" Matt said and I knew

"What if she was bad you guys? What if she was bad the whole time?" Oh Jester no </3

"She wasn’t." Thank you, Cad.

That’s an unfortunate point

What if they are heading to the main door

Which is very close

Don’t

That

All

Okay it looks like the Bright Queen has at least warned some people which is good

I can’t when Matt uses that accent because all I can think of is Skyrim

"Right now she’s definitely the orphanmaker" owwwww

M: "Make a stealth check"

S: "I’m not trying to steal them."

":O"

S: "I’m trying to buy them."

":O!!"

It was forged in the forest where he grew up?? And now he’s gonna reforge it in the kiln or something maybe?? Idk.

Dwueth’var. cool name.

It’s so cool to finally know something about the sword

Beau trying to make Jester feel better while internally being like "McFancypants??"

Jester doesn’t just need Fjord’s validation she needs EVERYONE’S validation

"Couldn’t sleep because I kept waiting for lightning" Beau was waiting for the Storm Lord to come save Yasha

C: "Caduceus is not the only one who’s good."

B: "You uh... talking about me?"

C: "Yeah, I am. You shit on yourself a lot. I see you do good every day."

Having Empire Kids feelings now

Ohhhhh Beau was supposed to take over the family business??

GASP Shakaste has gotten Luc to Nicodranus that’s good!

I hope

N: "You’re not chill?"

J: "No!"

"And you’ll meet the rest of your family" for Jester’s sake I don’t want the Traveler to end up being a jerk but I just can’t quite trust him

Time to go sailing again

"Let’s have the meeting at the volcano Cad wants to go to for convenience sake"

J: "It’s really hard. There’s so many things in the world and I thought it would be really cool to see it all. .... But a lot of it is just really sad, a lot of people getting hurt." :(

TT: "But there is beauty in sadness too. Without those moments it’s hard to appreciate the beauty. You’ll be sad again. To live is to be sad, time and time again. But you also get to be happy. You get to be playful. You get to be mischievous. Just know no matter where you are, I’m not far. And also know... you’re not the only one being watched over anymore. There are many voices, many eyes upon you. ... Wherever your friend Yasha is, I’m sure there’s some very powerful eyes on her that never left."

J: "Good ones? Helpful ones?"

TT: "I’ve seen the storm myself."

Alright fine I like him and I trust him and I’m gonna regret it

Beau listening for thunder again </3

What the FUCK is this Yeehaw Game Ranch ad omg

GUYS

GUYS YOUR MOORBOUNDERS

Literally anyone but Fjord

"I’m just gonna lie to her" see it needs to NOT be Fjord

Oh damn so their information was good?? There was an attack on the garrison and there were the assassination attempts

That’s good. It gives them a little cushion here.

Wait fuck do you think Dairon is the assassin they caught??

It is Dairon isn’t it

oh fuck is it Astrid??

I can’t decide which will be worse

AYYYYY BOY

ESSEK I missed you

Oh boy here we go who is it

I am so anxious

Oh shit he said her name

oh god

Oh no

Ohhhhhhhhhhh godddddd

Oh shit now he’s said his own name

FFFFFUCK

oh god it’s not Astrid

AND HE MIGHT HAVW JUST GIVEN HIMSELF AWAY

FUCK

nope nope nope

Well this woman has to die now

"I’ve heard things about you Bren. Welcome back."

NOPE.

"Some of us get tired of macabre fairytales. Enjoy your mouth full of lies when they choke them out of you." Damn.

Awww Yeza has been cleaning and making things neat because he’s LONELY HE’S BEEN ALONE SO LONG

Caleb, babe, be careful

You are emotional and making very curious decisions about what you are choosing to reveal

Stone, Dust, and CLAY huh?

I’m suuuuuper into this lore this is great

I wanna know if it’s Matt’s or Taliesin’s or a mix of both

Cad: "I’m 2000 years old"

N: "Are you shitting me right now?"

Cad: "Yeah :D"

Caleb is confusing everyone and it’s quite funny but also a bit sad he’s clearly so shaken

Beau’s definitely in trouble

Good episode! Honestly Laura really carried it this week, with the amazing Jester feels. Taliesin too.

Good ep. Gooooood ep.

#cr spoilers #emi watches critical role #critical role

28 notes · View notes

reidrev-in-the-flesh · 6 years ago

Text

The Problem With FINAL SPACE Season 2

I just saw all the episodes currently available of final space season two and one thing stroke me: It's bad or at least... Season one was so much better.

I have narrowed the problem to five principal.

1: Death and reunion. Avocato was one of my favourite character. He was interesting, he had a cool story and his death was emotional and cool. Season two ruined his death by reviving him (With a big ol' Deus ex machina) for one episode then making him disappeared again and transforming him into a villain.

That seems wtf right. Well it's not even the thing that pissed me off the most: One episode they revived IU (don't know how it's written) he was dead for two seconds but... If he wasn't there there would be NO problem at all. He does NOTHING for the rest of the season.

Little cato. His death was unsure but in the first episode he appeared. WHERE IS THE SUSPENSE? THE TENSION?

Kevin. Seriously? It's not even Deus ex machina, time travel or ''his death was unsure sooo...'' it's straight up resurrection. And yes it's never explained.

Tribore: Same as Kevin but he is revived in episode two... Wow they really built the tension didn't they?

Death (especially the death of avocato) is important and you should be careful how you deal with it if you revive all of your character it make the conflict and tension into nothing since they can be revived. Imagine in Spiderman without reason (or a very bad one) Uncle Ben is revived. Would it be good just because it's a good character?

2 Character. The first season had problems but the character were well defined : Gwen: Fight for justice Gary: A good guy but a little obnoxious because he passed the last five years alone. IU: A robot but his time with Gary make him more Human. And so one almost every character are well developed. In season 2... I won't talk about Clarence because I like him and he seems to me like his personality is clear enough. But Fox and Ash?... Fox... I don't know who he is? He have a funny gimmick in episode one with the ''before I take a life... I grow a life'' it could have been cool but no. I really don't know what his character is supposed to be? He is rather nice? I guess? but have event of extreme anger? Ok? That doesn't make a personality!.

Ash at the beginning is the same ... Sometimes weird sometimes normal , sometimes dominant sometimes ... Other? After her dedicated episode however she seems to have a more detailed personality... And by more detailed we learn that she want to kill herself. That's almost all. She have a really good chemistry with little cato but it seems really... Vague? Of did the author forgot about it?.

Well the new character aren't developed enough so they aren't likable as much as the other.

3 Continuity. That not a really major problems but... In an episode little cato is trapped for sixty years in a parallel dimensions. He go crazy imagining things and people. The crew managed to bring back but... He was exactly the same. After this episode he is the SAME. Heck in the next episode he even say '' I got fourteen years of being a cat(don't remember the phrase)'' But... No... He is 74 years old at this point... Remember when he went crazy well that doesn't matter... Even when fox (in the next episode) say right in his face that he is insane. It does nothing... Even if he suddenly screamed ''I'M NOT INSANE'' that would have been good. But no... Nothing change it's... It's really sad because the relationship between character and the things done (example Gary loosing an arm) were what made me move the first season.

4 Music and background: The first season was insane with the music and the background real insane. (just the scene when avocato and Gary fist bump was insane) well they are not bad in season 2 just... Less insane , less memorable. Really what happened?

5 DON'T BIT MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW.

Since the beginning they introduced 5 possibly recurrent villain and none of them were seen a second time: The family (forgot their name but Gary wore the skin of their mother), the other survivant of earth ( The one who wears a red costume), Gary's mom, Avocato possessed and the psychopathic Kevin's (I don't count the lord commander because he didn't really made an appearance as a villain and I don't count the titans because they were already presented as the final boss in season 1). There is side story from everyone everywhere , the last last boss was presented and who was it?... A universal demon? Really?

The universe of final space is so diverse and insane and the best last boss they could find was the devil?

The season is more of a prequel to season 3 than an actual season. It's not bad but... When you watch you are not satisfied and into it as you were with the first season.

And yes the first season have his flaws too (Like why the hell did Nightfall left before the final battle?).

But the story was... Okay. The character were great and entertaining.the music and background were awesome ect ect.

Sooooo... What happened? And am I the only one who noticed?

#final space season 2 #final space gary #final space #final space gwen #final space kevin #final space Clarence #final space fox #final space ash #little cato #avocato

14 notes · View notes

hgfstreamchats · 7 years ago

Text

Demon Knight and Bordello of Blood

thenightetc Hello! Me Night human! And Soundwave -- what an eerie, yet pleasant surprise! thenightetc Wouldn't be October without that video making an appearance. Me Perish the thought. NoodlesAtNight [[Knock Out. He looks forward to being unnerved by human monsters.]] Me That much I can promise. Also this, which apparently happened. thenightetc I don't remember THIS episode. Me Is this what humans normally do after they die? Me Is this your version of the Well? thenightetc Technically, I can't prove that's NOT true. thenightetc So who can really say. Me Close enough to a fact for me.

thenightetc ...That sounded like a remix of the Simpsons theme song for a moment there. Me It did, didn't it? Same composer, apparently. thenightetc Makes sense. thenightetc Looks like SOMEbody had an exciting night! Me Ew. thenightetc So is the director literally the Cryptkeeper? Ahhhh. Me Looks to be the case. thenightetc I kinda forgot about how fourth-wall this got. Me It's very unapologetic about it. NoodlesAtNight [[Tsk. Humans are so careless with fuel.]] Me Starving vehicles would be happy to have that. thenightetc Is that a can of gasoline. Me He looks legit. thenightetc Probably not the devil or anything. Me He has a nice hat. Therefore, trustworthy. thenightetc Man, this guy's not making it out of the episode alive. Me One gets the sense that half of these characters are going to be introduced to the insides of their own faces. NoodlesAtNight [[As long as the cat survives.]] Me The cat steals a car and drives away from this nonsense. NoodlesAtNight [[His name is ROACH?]] [[Nothing good can come of him.]] Me Plot twist, he's just several thousand roaches in a man costume. thenightetc There probably is an episode like that. 😃 NoodlesAtNight [[That is the most horrifying thing you have ever said.]] thenightetc You could stream it next time! Me I do my best. thenightetc How do the cops even know it's him. Or, how DID they know. NoodlesAtNight [[Stranger in a tiny town.]] NoodlesAtNight [[All good relics look like keys.]] NoodlesAtNight [[Or books. Books also.]] thenightetc The world is just opening up for him, huh. Me I wouldn't generalize quite so much. The phase shifter looks like a cleaning drone. NoodlesAtNight [[You choose which relics please you, and he'll choose which ones please him.]] Me Point, point. Ha. NoodlesAtNight [[He sees the fleshling's met Frenzy.]] Me I like the unnecessary panther growl. thenightetc Like I said. Definitely not the devil. NoodlesAtNight [[How unsanitary.]] thenightetc Probably just a minor functionary. thenightetc One of the demons skulking around back at the utility box NoodlesAtNight [[Urgh.]] thenightetc "I'm gonna go out THERE and die" thenightetc Haha. Me He's so charming! Better give it to him. thenightetc Maybe he should hurry up sealing all the windows. It's a motel; there'll be one in every room. NoodlesAtNight [[Dripping it seems inefficient. Uses too much. Why not use a paint brush?]] [[Dip it in, tap it to the window.]] Me Efficient and artsy. NoodlesAtNight [[Lies. Listen not.]] Me I like the elephant in the room, that the Crypt Keeper apparently sat down and wrote this. thenightetc Ew. NoodlesAtNight [[That is package delivery of the wrong sort.]] Me Hah! ThebesAce Hello! Me Hello, Thebes human! Just in time! thenightetc Hi! ThebesAce wow, those are some excellent effects considering NoodlesAtNight [[He hopes she'll get severance pay.]] Me She fought bravely and deserves a hand. NoodlesAtNight [[Oh, very nice. Very nice indeed.]] Me Likewise! NoodlesAtNight [[Of course they're there. What hunter and manipulator wouldn't look for ways into the motel?]] thenightetc "being bait?" thenightetc This episode is so subtle, I just don't know what they're trying to say here. NoodlesAtNight [[All the more reason to use it lightly.]] thenightetc Imagining the Crypt Keeper just offscreen here. Me Getting a little too into his project. NoodlesAtNight [[He would have to be, wouldn't he? How else would he know?]] Me You know, she's looking much better. I think she'll be all right. thenightetc He's going to have a heart attack. thenightetc Wow. Me You know, the first time I saw this, I thought he was tricking him into drinking the blood. I'm annoyed that wasn't the case. NoodlesAtNight [[Of course it is the roach who betrays.]] Me I wish I could enjoy anything as much as this human's enjoying this role. thenightetc *character in comic book looks directly at the camera like they're in The Office* NoodlesAtNight [[Hm. That cannot be good.]] thenightetc Ha. Good for her. NoodlesAtNight [[Dancing with the devil in the pale... spotlight?]] Me Hah. NoodlesAtNight *This sounds like him.* thenightetc What a pathetic display. thenightetc Good for her. Me Just take the whole corpse. Have a fresh supply always on tap. NoodlesAtNight [[Don't human corpses stop producing blood after a while?]] Me That one clearly doesn't. thenightetc Thank god nobody's going to want to question the sole surviver of a massive bloodbath. NoodlesAtNight [[...How long is this arm?]] Me I like his glitter suit. NoodlesAtNight [[He could use a better makeup artist.]] Me There's another one, but I have no idea if anyone's interested in it or if it's any good. Unlike this one, I haven't seen it. thenightetc I could go for another! NoodlesAtNight [[Which one might that be?]] Me Bordello of Blood. thenightetc Sounds tasteful. NoodlesAtNight [[Must cater to a specific kink.]] ThebesAce indeed! Me Very specific. NoodlesAtNight [[He supposes he'll watch.]] thenightetc And I'm sure the fourth-wall breaking parts will be EXTRA tasteful. thenightetc Let's hope the crypt keeper keeps his crypt zipped! If you know what I mean. ThebesAce Yeah, would not like to contemplate his rigor mortis thenightetc Talk about a "little death" thenightetc "More like some kinda... cursed tomb" NoodlesAtNight [[Masochist.]] thenightetc No, TO fuck a stiff. thenightetc Sorry, they just make it so easy. 😃 thenightetc It's okay, it happens to a lot of guys. Me All of this looks like something they should be doing in a place they should be. Day of all the blood. thenightetc Ha! NoodlesAtNight [[Ah! Continuity.]] thenightetc Is that. The same prop. Me His hair is oddly well kept. thenightetc Keep waiting for the mummy to light himself on fire. thenightetc Ah, piercings. That's how you know he's depraved. NoodlesAtNight [[Hah.]] Me Perfectly done eyebrows. What a rebel. thenightetc I think the smart money says he's tonight's corpse. Or, one of 'em. Me One of many. thenightetc "great atmosphere, run by a vampire" thenightetc That's a great marketing strategy. NoodlesAtNight [[Not suspicious in the slightest.]] NoodlesAtNight [[Or an incinerator.]] thenightetc Guess they're gonna meet all those people whose cars were outside. NoodlesAtNight [[There, you see.]] thenightetc It's funny because the opposite is going to happen! Me I don't know if the Vosnian night life was classier than this or if it was just the lack of human flesh being flaunted about. thenightetc "Finish you off, if you know what I mean" "What I mean is I'm gonna kill you!" thenightetc (Imagine that in Stan's voice, btw) Me I'm imagining it and I won't forgive you for that. thenightetc I'm okay with that. NoodlesAtNight [[He's surprised the picture doesn't have piercings.]] thenightetc This funeral's about to get LIT. Me If this movie had a texture, it would be greasy. NoodlesAtNight [[If he could figuratively squint any more, his visor would begin to shrink.]] thenightetc "How DO you keep a straight face?" NoodlesAtNight [][][]The Lord's Shopping Network?[][][] NoodlesAtNight [[Seems like a limited demographic.]] Me They sell Lord and Lord accessories. thenightetc This is just an amazing pitch. NoodlesAtNight *Soft huffing.* thenightetc I can't believe I got to watch this show as a kid. Wow. Me This is a conga line of things. NoodlesAtNight [[Every dancer in it has three left feet.]] Me And it's headed for a sinkhole. ...That's also on fire. thenightetc Coming on a little strong there. thenightetc There will be cake, and then you will be baked. Me There's that conga line! NoodlesAtNight [[His knowledge of Earth food is limited, but he thinks the most appropriate version here is "toast".]] NoodlesAtNight [[Oh no. Not fornication. How terrible.]] thenightetc Ah. And here I thought he was just a regular old con artist. Me I want none of these characters to make it out with their heads intact. NoodlesAtNight [[That should be easy. Their heads aren't intact /now/.]] Me Valid point. thenightetc Hahahah thenightetc Man, how many bodies do they have in that thing It must be like a clown car in there thenightetc How long would it have taken to close it, really. thenightetc ...What. thenightetc Did he not check it beforehand? Me No time for that! NoodlesAtNight [[Hah.]] Me How clever. thenightetc You gotta say it directly to the camera. And wink. Me Well, he got the bad part right. thenightetc "oh hi" thenightetc Wow, the Crypt Keeper sure has some weird fetishes. Exploding vampire nurses and such. Me He strikes me as someone who has every fetish. Me ...You know, I think I like the Crypt Keeper. thenightetc Heh. NoodlesAtNight [[Into exploding vampire nurses, are you?]] Me No, I just admire shamelessness. NoodlesAtNight [[That is fair.]] [[A fantastic song choice.]] Me Oh Pit, yes. NoodlesAtNight *Waving a feeler back and forth* Me Well, that scene just redeemed the entire movie. NoodlesAtNight [[...If it melts a hole through the vampires, how would it not melt a heart into four pieces? Or a slurry.]] Me Your sensible questions are hurting this movie's feelings. NoodlesAtNight [[This movie has no feelings. It would not subject us to it if it did.]] Me Heh. Overload. thenightetc Teehee. The pieces spontaneously rejoin if they're close together, anyway. NoodlesAtNight [[This entire film was a setup for that pun and you will not convince him otherwise.]] Me I believe it. thenightetc Ah. Me And in the interest of going out on our usual light note... NoodlesAtNight [[If she comes from the beach, would this make her the Sand Witch?]] Me Nicely done. thenightetc Heh. NoodlesAtNight [[He doesn't know what came over him. The late hour, perhaps.]] Me And there we have it! It was a glorious moment. NoodlesAtNight [[Thank you for tonight's entertainment, dear Doctor. He will take his leave. His best wishes for Impact, Breakdown, and the menagerie.]] thenightetc Thanks for the stream! Lots of fun, as always. : ) Me And right back to you and yours. My pleasure! Thank you all for coming! thenightetc Goodnight! Me Good night!

1 note · View note