#full and aware and strong
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sorry this is once again my monthly 'i'm in love with people and our capacity for compassion even in the face of deep deep cruelty, even though i've seen worse and worse things, come to terms with so much, it's my love of humanity that has let me avoid rotting, encouraged me to grow and chase my own place in helping everyone around me" post
#im really excited for the job im starting. still about a month or so out but heading towards a career change sort of that im really excited#for. im just... i actually used to be very cynical and i struggled to see the point through all the terrible things in the world#but for many reasons#even as i discovered worse and worse things#ive developed... resiliency i never thought id have#born out of this appreciation for those and the world around me#and i wish i could share it. i see so many people in my old shoes#im still growing. so much to do#but im at a level of contentment.. idk. i couldntve dreamed of#and it took effort#it is not /easy/ to face things and believe in good regardless#but. its rewarding. i wish it for all of you#on a similar but different note ive been reaching a point of being more myself in social situations rather than just a chameleon#and ive been lucky enough to have the people around me the past two years or so be very supportive in a way that has truly let me grow and#become a better version of myself#and its sort of been this positive feedback loop. because the more confident and passionate you are the more people are delighted by your#eccentricies#i used to be so beat down#i still struggle so much#but. im at a place i never thought id be#no doubt there will be struggles in the future#hell its not like things are perfect now#still so much. major things to improve on#but idk. i am happy#and its a very full sense of happiness.#full and aware and strong#thats what i wish for all of you :)
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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I do love the contrast between, like. grian and scar vs grian and skizz.
3rd life grian wanted to enable murder and violence so bad when scar went red and instead was confounded by scar being, well, scar.
wild life grian is desperately trying to enable skizz with violence to keep him around just a little bit longer, but is thwarted at every moment by skizz just being bad at the game.
#wild life spoilers#wild life smp#grian#skizzleman#trust when i say that this is said with Full Love for skizz#but situational awareness is not his strong suit
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YOOOOO DAISUKE! congrats on the internship, tho how the heck did you end up in the freighter business??? didn't think that was ur thing... or that they did internships over there in the first place LOL. how's it been so far?
Maybe this is where I find my thing! Boss has me doing so much reading that my eyes are starting to huuurt. I've got to learn something!
Slight elaboration on the second panel in tags!!
#🌺.art#🌺.response#I have strong feelings about Daisuke's home life guys#what do you call a place full of privilege but lacking in love?#is that even home?#i headcanon that Pony Express was aware it was on the verge of going under and tried to preserve itself by seeking outside investments#Daisuke's wealthy parents were among those approached and they used their position to negotiate for Daisuke's internship#you can debate whether or not they actually intended on indulging the company#PE put Daisuke on the Tulpar because of Curly's prestige and Swansea's experience thinking they would be a good face for the company#//ooc#thank you sm for the ask! theres already a few I'm working on and I couldn't be more grateful <3 I rlly rlly appreciate the interest!#also there was a version of the first panel where i actually drew that kitchen. never again.#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#ask blog
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Every now and then I remember I am significantly older than the legalization of gay marriage in my country and I take psychic damage every time. I am not that old, like my life has just begun.
Just... Remember our rights didn't just descend from the heavens hundred of years ago. It is still a fresh memory, a blip compared to the timeline of the world.
#politics#gay#lgbt#lgbtq#gay complacency is forgetting just how much fighting we and our forefamily had to do to even GET to that point#and it's forgetting just how recently it happened that we got tgese protections. and they unfortunately aren't set in stone#maybe that was harsh wording but Please... blood was shed for this cause. people died for us#people died for this cause#people threw themselves in front of the FDA to protest - literally die-ins#full disclosure that this is about the US - i am a USAmerican and won't be comfortable commenting on queer rights internationally#(internationally to me not that the US is the world)#i am fully aware that there are countries that have NO queer rights recognized or even entertained as a thought by the governments that be#and that's... tragic. there's genuinely no word strong enough for how heartbreaking and evil it is#and i do not have the ability to comment about it personally like it is my right to claim that pain
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#hey like. not to be really annoying i shouldn't be doing this aged 32 but i'm really struggling#every time the weather gets cold i feel like i am entering winter with more and more despair#i am really struggling this time#every day is a struggle to get through#i'm losing my hair#i'm losing my reasons to live#i keep putting on a full face of makeup and clothes in my room at like 2am just to desperately try to feel human#i keep saying i don't know if I'll survive the winter and people keep laughing but I don't mean it as a joke#i'm sadder than i've ever been and everything feels like it's falling apart#whenever i get the chance to confide this in people i get told that i'm strong and i'm a survivor#and that i should do some shit to make me happy#and yea i can stave it all off for a few minutes with like a trip out or some makeup or something but it all feels like bandaids#for a serious wound that's going to go septic soon#like this isn't a way to live a life#i don't want to 'be strong' or a 'survivor' anymore i want to be fucking happy#i'm tired and promises of brief happiness between ever worsening pain feel almost patronizing at this point#i woke up the other day in the middle of the night and as soon as conscious thoughts hit my brain i almost doubled over#if i had been not on the first floor i think i might have jumped then and there#i want to be loved and feel like my love is worth something#i want a clean apartment of my own and a career that doesn't feel like it's designed to kill me#i'm 32 and still essentially feel like i'm living my life like a teenager#i want sun and suncatchers and healthy plants and a wardrobe that fits my clothes#and i want the will to actually get up in the morning#i endured all of this for so long on a delusional belief that things were going to magically get better#but i realize now they won't#i became aware of the bounds of my cage with no means of escaping them#i'm sick of living each day oscillating between numbness and grief i can barely eat i can barely work i can barely laugh#and no one's coming to save me#i'm agonized by the idea that this is maybe what life always is for everybody#is this how it's supposed to be
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i’ve been trying to get through hoh for literally like a week now but it’s so hard bc the way my fave nico is treated is absolutely ABYSMAL and i know it only gets worse
#personal#even hazel being like ‘yeah he’s hard to get along with’ or whatever she said#every single non-tartarus perspective has had at least one reference to this#and like i understand the reasons it’s not that it’s that it highlights this issue i have with a lot of the characters in that series which#is that i don’t like them. and that’s so different for me bc i actually usually find that my two favorite characters in anything are the tw#that don’t like each other? unrelated to that dynamic usually mostly but still within it#but that’s not even what the dynamic is yk.#and it’s just the whole thing overall like in the last book there was one part where these two characters who are supposed to be good#friends are separated and one makes a comment about how annoying (or something along those lines) she finds the other which.#i’m vaguely aware of what happens in toa so i think you could argue something about that but read on its own bc i don’t want to make that#argument without fully grasping where her character goes#it just kinda reinforces this… vibe to the whole series that was not nearly as present in the first series of like. really overemphasized#like gender roles/heterosexuality/etc. i can’t think of the word to use to describe it. i’ve seen other ppl talk about the parts that add u#to the whole that i’ve seen but never synthesize them. and it really varies between actually insidious and simply not my taste which is par#of the reason i hesitate to make a full critique out of it. but suffice to say i really don’t like it#with that being said the pacing of this book is really good and i am compelled to finish based on the themes i do find interesting#autonomy being a huge one#but anyway those are my thoughts on it after a few days of a break. i’ve been playing a video game instead :3 but i start work on wednesday#sooo i won’t have as much free time boo#looking back maybe ‘insidious’ is a very strong word for it. i’m talking about like when percy complains about the bag and similar moments
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Foundations of the World: Gathering
So, I’m finally writing the DF-KHR Crossover that I swore I would write. Gathering is the part that deals with Tsuna and company meeting up with the DF crew.
Soon after breaking the Arcobaleno Curse, Tsuna and his Guardians are on a class trip to Chicago just as the events of Peace Talks go down.
A few central conceits: the Inheritance Arc never happened since Earth Flames don’t fit into the fused cosmology of this fic, which means that the Vongola Tenth Generation are still wearing Rings, not Vongola Gear; Haru is acting as Lambo’s proxy both to avoid conflict with Marcone and to reduce suspension of disbelief regarding how a five year old got on a class trip; Kyoko is an Active Sky and very willing to choose violence. The latter two divergences are the result of the CEDEF 10th Generation excelling in their chosen field. (thank you, Oregano)
The lights went out.
His Guardians immediately sprang into motion, leaping up from where they had been whiling away the time to project shields of Flame overlapping like a three-sided pyramid—Hayato’s Storm, Takeshi’s Rain, and Haru’s Lightning, to disintegrate or stop or block any attack. Even niisan was more serious than usual, taking his place in the bodyguard formation that Reborn had drilled them in every day since Tsuna’s future assassination.
“Is this what we’re waiting for, Tsuna?” Takeshi asked, as casually as if they were just watching tv, if not for the hand resting on the hilt of his sword. Tsuna had been jittery and on edge all day, and it had only gotten worse after the sun had set, to the point that Reborn had outright told them to stay together in a single room with the curtains drawn, a few illusions from Chrome settling the chaperoning teachers’ objections before Tsuna could protest.
The sense of impending doom he had been feeling since the plane touched down in Chicago (scratch that, he’d had a bad feeling about everything since the teacher had announced that they were going on a class trip to America that had Vongola’s fingerprints all over it) had grown until his Intuition was screaming at him about imminent danger. And it was still screaming.
“No.” Tsuna shook his head, “It’s not over yet.”
“Boss…” Chrome said from beside him, ready to fake their deaths the moment an attack came, “It’s dark outside.”
It was. Tsuna looked out into the night.
Chicago was a big city, much bigger than Namimori, so big that it never slept. Tsuna hadn’t noticed the difference, but there weren’t any lights shining in through the uncovered windows of the bedrooms. There was no light at all, anywhere, save from the glow of his Guardians’ Flames.
Even ten years in the future, when the world was on the brink of collapse, there had been light.
“This is bigger than just us, isn’t it?”
“Are you saying or asking, Tsuna?” Reborn said up from behind him. Tsuna hadn’t noticed when Reborn had stopped pretending to sleep.
Tsuna drew a breath deep into his lungs. When he let it out again, his eyes were beginning to burn orange. “It is.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“Hayato?” Tsuna asked, trusting that the genius had a better grasp of strategy than he did.
“Tenth?” Hayato turned his head towards him, then nodded. “Alright, Sasagawa, I need you check how far the outage extends, Chrome, hide us with a simple illusion, save your strength—and Kyouko, Jyuudaime, could you maybe check the phones? Sky Flames are about connection, so if there’s any chance that we can get communications up and running, it’ll be thanks to you.”
Tsuna nodded as Kyouko did, just as niisan made a noise of confusion. “Check how far the outage extends?”
Hayato made a face, stress making his temper even shorter than normal. “Go out, climb as high as you can with the stairs if the elevators aren’t running, and see if there’re lights anywhere, then come back! Be fast about it so we don’t end up assuming that you’ve been attacked.”
“Wait.” Kyouko interjected from where she had crouched down on the carpet and was trying to turn on a phone, “If Sky Flames boost connections, then Chrome, can you make communicators for us?”
Chrome frowned in concentration, but slowly nodded, “Yes, I think I can.”
“Good.” Kyouko abandoned the stubbornly black screen and stood up, “If you can manage it quickly, then niisan can wait for you to make him something so that he can keep in contact.”
“I’ll try.” Chrome turned to Tsuna, “Boss, can I see your earpiece?”
“En.” Tsuna unhooked Spanner’s earpiece and gave it to her, realizing that the mechanic’s technology, at least, wasn’t dead the way everything else was.
Chrome narrowed her eyes, the original in one hand and Mist condensing into a solid shape in the other. “Mukuro-sama…” She murmured under her breath, but he didn’t make an appearance.
Whatever help Mukuro was giving her, it wasn’t as major as possession.
“I need your Flames now.”
Kyouko offered Chrome her hand, warm orange fire flowing from her fingertips into Chrome’s palm, until the fuzzy edges of the Real Illusion turned sharp and substantial.
“This should work.” Chrome said, handing Tsuna his earpiece back and giving the new one to Ryohei, “But… um, I think you should test them first—just talk into one, you should receive the signal in the other.”
“Alright.” Tsuna cupped his hand over his mouth and whispered, “Niisan, can you hear me?”
“YES! I CAN EXTREMELY HEAR YOU, SAWADA!”
“Be quiet, Lawn-Head!” Hayato snapped in a furious hiss, attention darting frantically from the windows to the vents to the door and even to the walls, as if expecting a fully armed squad to burst out of the panelling, “And say something that Jyuudaime won’t be able to hear without his earpiece instead of shouting!”
“Can you hear me, Sawada?”
“Yes.” Tsuna answered.
“EX—treme!” Niisan remembered to be quiet halfway through his first word, “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back!”
Niisan pumped his fist in the air, all grimness forgotten, and dashed out the door.
“Alright—,” Tsuna jarringly realized that the Flame shields were still up, “—uh, Hayato, Takeshi, Haru-chan, could you drop the barriers now? I don’t think we’re going to be attacked right now, and you need to save your strength.”
“Are you sure, Tsuna-kun?” Haru kept her hands up, Lightning crackling from the ring she had taken from Lambo, “The movies always have the bad guys come in just when you think you’re safe.”
Which seemed to be the same conclusion Hayato had arrived at, even if he clearly disagreed with Haru’s reasoning.
The all-encompassing darkness, the equally omnidirectional dread, and, now that Tsuna was listening, there were sounds of human distress at the edge of his hearing. He swallowed, “Yes. Whatever’s happening, it’s bigger than just us, we don’t need to worry about being targets yet…right?”
He tried to look to Reborn for guidance, but the now preschool-aged hitman only crossed his arms and smirked at him, “You’re the Boss now, Tsunayoshi. A Boss has to judge the risks and make the decisions himself.”
Aren’t you supposed to still be tutoring me? Tsuna complained in his head, but nodded. “Alright. Then we’ll wait for niisan to come back, then we’ll head down and see if we can help our classmates.”
#sawada tsunayoshi#gokudera hayato#yamamoto takeshi#miura haru#sasagawa kyo#sasagawa ryohei#chrome dokuro#reborn#katekyo hitman reborn#the difference between Haru and Kyoko wrt fighting is#Haru would rather not fight but will defend her ideals#such as protecting kids#so she's proxy Guardian but will step down once Lambo grows up#her strengths are in mathematics and disguises#Kyouko may have strong social skills#but she's full of suppressed rage from her awareness of the limitations of soft power#combat is catharsis for her#you can only keep determined Nice Guys at bay for so long through indirect maneuvering#a knee to the knuts is both more direct and more satisfying#but the consequences to that were too great#until she and her brother joined Tsuna's inner circle#the devil's in the details when it comes to illusions#which is why Chrome's the most observant
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Chojiro: I'm his right-hand arm-- Man. His confidante. His silly rabbit--
Rangiku, taking notes and not just for Seireitei Bulletin: His "silly rabbit?" That's what he calls you?
#if it's so obvious that even i;; someone who experiences the show/manga via klab story mode ALONE; can tell#then maybe kubo has provided for us some Old Man Yaoi#tugsposting#bleach brave souls#the recent chojiro/yamamoto event was So#don't get me wrong i despise that old bitch for what he did to the quincies#he was apparently aware of the flaws of the seireitei and instead of trying to improve it he just went full genocidal on its critics#but the way klab framed chojiro was too funny not to post abt this#i have so many questions abt the way seireitei is run too like. if the reapers can make babies by fucking#why do they need to keep sending the hollows & arrancars along the cycle of rebirth?#why not just let them have a chance to rest?#secondly if a baby soul reaper is born where does that reaper's soul come from?#also if aizen was so strong why didn't he abolish the crown etc tc#is that really aizen they captured or just another doll? im betting he's just another fake. somehow.
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I guess i'm at that age where all i want to write about is commentary on society
#she's at that special age where a writer only thinks about one thing. how to tear everything she hates apart but#formed as a little prose novel full of symbols and metaphors#i'm saying i wanna write that wip about the devaluation of writing as an artform through fast-fashion-esque treatment of literature#and the tiktokification of literature and so on and so forth#but i also wanna write about this. way that art in general is thought of as having no value despite the fact#that art is such a strong part of all our lives whether we're aware of it or not#and the fact that you can be unaware of it - because it's simply that deeply woven into our lives as human beings#there is nothing more human than art. even AI can only make derivative art but humans are the ones who can /create/#even when you emulate it's still your own original spin on art#and the fact that - despite music despite television despite dance despite comics despite it all being so#prevalent in society such a key feature of all our lives such a comfort to us. the arts are seen as lesser as unimportant as not even#secondary or tertiary but entirely on the bottom of the list of ''work that needs to be done'' is just...#none of you (the people who devalue art in such ways) know what you're asking for when you're asking for artists to go back to starving#without artists all we would have is work complemented by the most basic functions#eating sleeping pissing fucking. what would set us apart from animals would be work - and even that. ants and bees and beavers.#whatever. i won't linger on it for now
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would you consider wanderer someone who.. would exploit people? and also, i can't remember but... don't the harbringers have a vision? i'm not sure if dottore has a vision but i know arlechinno has one... and she is said to be manipulative... idk ahha -- @milkstore
I don't really think Wanderer, as he is now, would exploit people. I think he'd see it as too much work. Now as Scaramouche, he definitely did. But he didn't get his vision until after all that. Also too, when the lore depicts Wanderer/Scaramouche's dealings with people unrelated to his work (like normal people), he seems to be very polite. So as he is right now, he wouldn't exploit people for fun or for power.
As for the harbingers, we don't know if they all have one. Like Signora didn't have one, but could harness the elements due to being a witch. As for Arlecchino, it is true that she has a vision, but while she is said to be manipulative and insane, I can't bring it within myself to pin her as a horrible irredeemable person. I go into detail with it here.
#interactions#random thought though.....#i am curious if people from khaenri'ah were ever gifted visions before the cataclysm#like we know dainslef doesn't have one#but what about everyone else?#sure we can say that kaeya has a vision but imo we don't know enough about his backstory to say how strong his ties to khaneri'ah are#if he's full-blooded or half-blooded etc#i'd like to say that it wouldn't matter if khaneri'ah worshipped the gods or not#because gods aren't necessarily aware of who their power goes out to in terms of visions#that and neuvillette gives out visions even though he is not a god#but it is interesting to think about
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pornstar!satoru and pornstar!suguru managing to talk you into letting them both fuck you at the same time on film—a double penetration scene.
apparently, after a few... lewd images of the three of you together were leaked by a blue-eyed attention whore who swears he didn't mean to edit, upload and caption them before posting them on his main twitter, your combined audiences have started begging for video content of the three of you. and what better than a filthy threesome to spark the flame of your three-way-affairs?
it's how you end up riding suguru, feeling his cock so deep inside of you that you swear he's in your stomach. your hands find purchase on his muscled pecs as you ride him to the brink of orgasm; sweat coats your skin, his too, and as it is with suguru, your moans aren't played up for the sake of porn: they're raw and real and so loud as he encourages your sounds with a finger circling over your clit.
those at home watching the pair of you, only one hand free as they stroke or finger or rub themselves in time with each thrust of Suguru's hips up into you, are all met with the sight of satoru walking into frame. cock hard and big and at attention as he climbs onto the bed behind you and takes a few moments to kiss at your neck, reach around and play with your bouncing tits.
how he teases you with his words, whispers them into you ear with full knowledge that the cameras microphone wont pick up on his words. there's no production crew this time around, no directors forcing a position or calling for breaks and ruining the building tension in your already coiled stomach.
"gonna fuck this pretty ass so deep, see if i can feel sugu through you hm? you want that?"
and his word already have you on edge, all you think you can manage is a moan of approval and the slightest nod of your head, but satoru grabs your chin and guides your gaze to the camera. "say you want it, say you want me."
"i—fuck—i want you, toru. want you to fuck my ass while i ride suguru."
the domesticity, the sweet nicknames you wouldn't have said on film if you were half as aware of the world around you—it's a lot for poor satoru to handle, what with how hard his cock is, how it's already leaking so much precum onto the sheets beneath you. he can barely still your hips for long enough to work himself into your ass, and the stretch of him is enough to push you forward and on top of suguru.
you're given a moment to adjust, a full minute of stillness to catch your breath and acclimate to the overwhelming fullness you feel—the weird way you feel whole, and the inevitable loss you'll feel once this is over. the moment is also given to stop the poor boys from cumming all too quickly. suguru can feel satoru pulsing inside of you, and satoru swears he can feel suguru's cock twitch. you squeeze around the both of them, test their resolve with a simple roll of the hips, and then choke on your spit when they both start thrusting in tandem with each other. hard and fast and mean and all at once.
it's blinding, the pleasure you feel all of a sudden.
suguru is strong and domineering with his hands on your hips and his cock nestled deep in your pussy—he thrusts his hips up, matches satoru's unkind pace in such a way you're sure you'll be unable to walk the next way. gorgeous praise slips from his lips as you hold eye contact with him—you're surely a mess, fucked stupid by two men at once.
satoru is eager and manic in the way he takes your ass. his hands perched on suguru's thighs as he ruts into you over and over in chase of a climax he knows is going to be unearthly. he'd praise you if he could, but all that spills from his mouth are incoherent babbles of pleasure that would make anyone listening think that he's the one being impaled on his almost too-large cock.
they work so well together—your pleasure seems to be the one thing they consistently agree on. you don't even have the mind to worry about the video length with how fast you're reaching orgasm, dragging the boys with you as you shake between them, wracked with pleasure so overwhelming you're nearly in tears.
it's a clip that gets shared on every porn site and blog known to man. of you, a fucked out mess between two lust-struck men each cumming inside of you at the exact same time your own orgasm crests.
the clenching of suguru's stomach as he bucks up into you, natural instincts rolling his cock as deep as possible as he empties his balls inside of you.
the way satoru tilits his head back, jaw tight and hair a mess as he forgets how to breathe when he paints the inside of your ass with his cum.
and you, impaled on both cocks at the same time, overstimulated and shaking with the remnants of the strongest orgasm you've had in a long time, and still rolling your hips in hopes of more. another round or three, as long as you stay this full.
@medusamara5 @echodead @curiositykilledthecatx3 @hirainne
@plinkuro @sooouth @megumiiiswife @nyxiswrites1200 @yveiscringe
@sharks31 @lenahathunger @aydene @dreamyokai @n0tviv
@chiiinglebells @timetoletmyimaginationfly @nayely45 @waffless-simp-blog
@zoozvie @gothicchildofthenight @repnights @flwerie @soundofraindropss
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@cvipped @toadtoru @keiette @satosugu4-ever
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#im on my phone so not the typical kinktober setup#but this is day 12#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo smut#satoru gojo smut#geto smut#suguru geto smut#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#geto x reader#suguru geto x reader#jjk x reader#satosugu smut#satosugu x reader#kinktober 2024
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I am going feral over the costumes in this show
There's a lot of good things going on and for every criticism I have, I can find something good happening elsewhere
Rings of Power’s elven clothing & armour - design appreciation
Requested by @klngfili thank you I hope you like these!! ♥
My favorites are easily Elrond’s blue and gold outfit, Arondir’s chestplate and Galadriel’s armour.
rop design team very good job thank you
#the team is doing a wonderful job and I know I wouldn't have such strong emotions about the costumes if they weren't#sort of rant in bound - not really I'm just discussing where I wish they'd gone in a different direction#for context - I am a theatre major who specializes in design (set and light) but I'm doing a costume practicum next semester#i have to discuss stuff like this all the time#I'll admit#I don't particularly like the shapes they chose for gil-galad and elrond#they feel really boxy and structured for the elves#especially when put next to the more flowing outfits we see on galadriel and celebrimbor and even arondir to an extent#although arondir's also pretty boxy#but i think it gets offset by the fact his cloak doesn't hide his body and isn't all bunched up on him#i don't know why - i associate elves with curves and loops with very few straight lines and rigid shapes#I think in the case of gil it's the fault of the literal X over his chest because those sashes???? what are they???#are the same shade (close enough) to his cloak so it looks like |X|#I wish gil's outfit had a contrasting color - like that deep green we see in a lot of other outfits#his outfit confuses me#elrond's it all comes down to the cape and the weird feathers on his shirt#why with the feathers? they look weird and I don't understand the reasoning behind them#and the way his cape drapes just bothers me because again - it turns him into a box#i wish it didn't cover so much of his arm and i wish his cloaks didn't look so heavy#but#contrasting gil - i like his color palette#i don't know#i could probably write a full paper on my feelings about the costumes in this show#because there's a lot of good shit#and i wish i had the opportunity to pick the designers' brains and find out why they chose to do some of these things#like they're not outright bad#i'm aware everything i just said is all my opinion#but i want to know why they did these things
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Cowboy!Logan who insists on teaching his pretty girl how to ride a horse for the first time, beckoning her over to the massive stallion with a wave of his hand.
Cowboy!Logan who insists on saddling up behind you so it’s easier to teach, letting the full width of him nearly encompass you, his body heating warming you up with each passing second.
Cowboy!Logan who rests his large hands on your thighs, thumbs rubbing in soothing circles as he teaches you the ins and outs of being a good rider.
Cowboy!Logan whose voice sounds like liquid gold in your ear, the praise setting more than just your body alight. His lips graze against the side of your head as he speaks, burying his nose to inhale your scent as he whispers.
“There we go, just like that. You’re a natural sweetheart.”
Cowboy!Logan who insists on guiding your hips to the correct rhythm, every rise and fall masterfully commanded with a strong grip. It helps, but you can’t help but feel your thighs clench when you realize just how easily he maneuvers you.
Cowboy!Logan who grins when you’re not looking, fully aware of how desperate you’re getting because he can fucking smell how wet you are.
Cowboy!Logan who gets off on knowing that you’re so easily riled up, knowing that if he wanted to he could pull you off this horse right now, fuck you in the grass until you cried his name, and you’d let him.
Cowboy!Logan who climbs off the horse, hard-on pressed into his tight jeans, so he can look up and see the half-dazed look on your face.
And to think he hasn’t even touched you properly.
“Think you can ride without me?” He asks, knowing good and goddamn well he’s going to stroke himself raw to the image of you the moment he’s alone.
You nod, and he doesn’t miss how you adjust yourself under his gaze. “Y-Yeah, I think I got it now.”
“Atta girl.”
#robo writes#have my little notes draft#maybe ill make this into a full fic idk#Logan howlett x reader#logan howlett#wolverine#wolverine x reader#wolverine smut#logan howlett smut#logan james howlett
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Love is a Verb
Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Reader
wc: 3k words
warnings/tags: fluff, allusions to smut, Simon gets in his feelings™️
It was the first time that you dropped a plate stacked high with heart-shaped pancakes in front of him, that you realized just how much Simon had been starved for love in his life.
“What’s this?” He asks, eyebrows scrunching in confusion, staring down at his plate as though it were a bomb in need of defusing.
“Breakfast? You’d mentioned pancakes the other day and I’ve been craving ‘em since.” You shrug, walking back towards the stovetop where the next batch are waiting to be flipped over.
“They’re- you’ve never-” You glance back over your shoulder at him, watching as he appears to struggle to find the words for what he means to say. He looks almost out of place, his large, hulking frame sitting at a breakfast table with flowers adorning it (he’s the one that brought you that bouquet, of course), his bed head on full display. “You’ve never made ‘em like this before.”
“What, like hearts?” You giggle, scooping up the last of the breakfast onto a plate, making your way back to the table, seeing Simon give you a nod in confirmation. “I just wanted spread some love to my love. Is that alright?”
Setting your plate down next to his, you go to take a seat before you feel two muscular arms wrapping around your middle, pulling you backwards and seating you onto his strong lap.
“‘Course s’alright.” He mumbles into your hair, pressing a kiss wherever his lips may land on you. From those two words alone, you can tell his throat is getting scratchy, and you almost think you hear the slightest sniffle coming from him. You can’t help the surprised blush that creeps through you. You weren’t expecting him to react this way. You’re willing to bet he also wasn’t expecting to react this way.
Knowing that communicating, as well as understanding, his feelings isn’t something that always comes with ease for Simon, you decide to give him a moment, not wanting to put him on the spot. You spread some maple syrup across your stack, tilting it in the direction of his plate and receiving a grunt of confirmation before you drizzle some onto his as well. Taking your cutlery in hand, enjoy your breakfast in quiet bliss, taking turns feeding bites to yourself and your shadow behind you, always receiving a loving squeeze to your thigh after each piece you slip between his lips.
“Mum never made anythin’ like this.” His revelation arrives just as your chewing on your last bite, stomachs content, hearts even more full. You can count on one hand the amount of times Simon has brought up his family to you. You’re aware of the circumstances, and while you don’t know every detail (nor do you need to), he has over time opened up to you about what happened. “Not ‘cause she didn’t love us. I think she would’ve if she-” he clears his throat, and you readjust yourself in his lap so that you can wrap your arms around his neck, leaning your head against his shoulders, rubbing reassuring circles into the muscles your hands come across.
You don’t want to overwhelm him by looking at him as he opens himself up to you, but you want to reassure him that you’re listening, you’re here with him. He can tell you as much or as little as he wants to, and you’ll listen.
“Beth did though. Once or twice.” He adds, resting his chin atop your head, running a hand through your hair. “I mean, I’m sure she did it more than that but, I saw her do it, once or twice. For Joseph.” Your grip around him tightens ever so gently at the mention of his late sister-in-law and nephew. You’ve never seen a picture of the boy, but you can just picture him, a small little blond head of hair, maybe with eyes like his, running around, keeping his young parents busy. Knowing the fate his family endured, a shiver runs through you, but you don’t let it overcloud the moment that Simon is sharing with you. Certainly not when it appears he’s thinking of them fondly right now, reflecting on his past with a happy lens.
“I’m sure he must’ve loved it.” You whisper into the skin of his neck, sending goose bumps sprawling across the flesh.
“He did. Tommy too.” At that he gives a slight chuckle, shaking the two of you. “Even when we were younger, he could always eat us out of house and home. Was like you couldn’t get anything to stick to his bones, either, that kid. More than half the time I wound up shop liftin’ it was to feed his skinny arse.” You sit there together for a moment, holding one another, basking in the newest glimpse of his past that Simon has just offered you.
“They would’ve loved you.” He mumbles into your hair, emotion evident in his voice, his grip on you tightening desperately, as though you two might slip through his fingers if he doesn’t hold you close enough. “Think you would’a liked em as well.” At that you pull away from his shoulder, slipping your hands to cradle each side of his face, bringing his forehead to meet yours.
“They loved you, Si. Of course I would love them too.” You whisper against his lips, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to each corner of his mouth, the top of his nose, each closed eyelid, before returning to his mouth.
It’s the next week when you decide to finally tackle the last of the moving boxes. You and Simon finally moved in together a few months ago now, and Simon seems to have placed more priority on ‘christening every room’ (also known as fucking you senseless over each and every available surface in the place) over unpacking.
The handful of boxes that are left are more of the miscellaneous, don’t really have anywhere to put them, sort of items that you can’t exactly part with but don’t have any real use for. Most of it being your stuff. His time in the military has left him without a need for many material items, and so you’re surprised to find a smaller box shoved to the back of the pile labeled as ‘Simon’.
Upon opening it, you find it contains a variety of what appears to be memorabilia he’s collected throughout his time in the military, small souvenirs from his travels, old folded up uniforms, and what not. But slipped between two folded shirts, you can feel something more sturdy. Carefully slipping it out of the box, you discover a frame containing a multitude of medals.
In spite of being in love with a Lieutenant, your knowledge of the military is still slim. You don’t recognize any of the medals shining up at you, but they are numerous, and you can tell they must be incredibly important, something he’s worked so hard to earn. Why is he keeping this tucked away?
“Hey Si!” You shout in hopes that he’s near enough to hear you.
“What are you up to now, mischief?” He asks, his tone playful as you hear his footsteps approaching. “Christ, we’ve still boxes left?”
“Acting as if you don’t purposefully walk around them every day.” You tease back, rolling your eyes at him. You stand up, turning to face him with the frame clutched to your chest. He takes you in and raises a brow in question as to your discovery. “What are these?”
He steps closer to glance at what you’re holding, shoulders tensing for a moment before releasing, letting out a deep sigh.
“Ah. S’nothin’.” He tries to reach to take it out of your grip, but you swing your arms behind your back, hiding it from his grasp.
“What do you mean nothing? Doesn’t look like nothing to me, mister award winner.”
“They’re not- I don’t-” he seems to struggle with his words, and it’s only then that you realize perhaps he doesn’t view these medals in the same way you do.
“Do you not like ‘em?” You ask, bringing the frame back around to your front, glancing down at them with a more quizzical eye this time.
“I just- I’m not always proud of how I earned em, love.” He attempts to explain, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. “Some I reckon’ I don’t mind but- all just seems unnecessary to me. I did my job, all there is to it.”
“Are these like, the kind they have big ceremonies for and then someone pins them on you in front of everyone?”
“Somethin’ like that.” he grumbles, crossing his arms over his large chest.
“And let me guess, you never attended any of them?”
“Don’t need all the fanfare, lovie.” He says, stepping forward and slowly slipping the frame from your grasp, tossing it back into the box you’d found it in. “All I need’s right here.”
“I just wish you’d let yourself be celebrated sometimes too, Si…”
“Well if it’s celebratin’ my birdie is wantin’, how’s bout we go celebrate with you on top of the washing machine eh? Don’t think I’ve made you cum up there yet.” You roll your eyes at his changing of the subjects, but can’t contain the giggle that erupts out of you when he swings you over his shoulder, apparently having decided the laundry room is exactly where you two are going now. “Just put a load in the machine, only right I put a load in here too.” He adds with a smack to your ass.
You’re worried you’re about to make an absolute fool out of yourself. No, you’re sure you’re about to look like an idiot. You know how much that man loves you, but even this might be exaggerating. Glancing at the clock above the stove however, you know it’s now or never. The candles around the room have been lit, the lights are dimmed, his favourite meal is cooking in the oven, soft music is playing from the record player, you’re wearing Simon’s favourite dress on you, and you even went as far as to spruce up your hair and makeup for this. In theory, everything is perfectly set up and in its place.
So why then, do you feel so mortified as you hear the sound of keys jingling the lock at the front door? Oh right, because it’s him you’ve set this all up for.
“Hi sweetheart,” he shouts to you as he walks in, too preoccupied with removing his boots and gear to look up yet. “Smells really good, what’s-” He cuts himself off upon walking into the kitchen, eyes landing on the unusual scene before him. You watch as his irises glance around the room, taking it all in, before landing on you. He’s still stood a few feet away from you, but you swear you can see his pupils dilate as his eyes roam up and down your figure.
“Hi.” You whisper meekly to him, wringing your hands nervously behind your back.
“Hi.” He answers back, taking an apprehensive step towards you. “What’s all this then?”
“First you have to go get dressed.” You inform him, jutting your chin in the direction of your shared bedroom. The small smile working its way onto his face helps boost your confidence, nerves slowly dissipating.
“Is that so?”
“Mhmm. Even laid out your clothes for you, so you don’t have to think about it.”
“We goin’ somewhere?” He asks, beginning to undo his belt already. The movement catches your attention, likely his intention, and his smirk widens upon seeing you blush.
“Nope. We’re just celebrating at home.”
At this, he freezes his movements, belt halfway slipped out of his belt loops. His gaze scans your face, looking for anything he might have missed.
“Shit. Did I- did I forget something, baby? I did-”
“No, no no no!” You cut him off with a slight giggle, coming up to him now to lay your palms across his chest. “No, you’re okay Si. You didn’t forget anything, I’m just surprising you.” You reassure him, knowing that he only calls you baby when he’s worried he’s in trouble (or when he’s already in trouble, crouched between your thighs attempting to earn his way out of the dog house).
“You didn’t have to do any of this love.” He says, hands pulling the rest of his belt out, before he loops it around you, using it to pull you even closer to him.
“You don’t even know what I’ve done yet, mister. We’ll see if you still like me in a bit.” You stand up on your tippy toes, planting a kiss to his Adam’s apple, fingers reaching up to slowly lift the skull printed balaclava off his face. Your lips follow each inch of skin revealed as you finally slip the fabric off his visage, exposing the face of the man you love. “Now go get dressed before I change my mind.”
With a kiss to the forehead and a squeeze to the bum, your man releases you from his grasp to obediently follow your command, making his way towards the bedroom. Steeling yourself with a deep breath, you turn towards the cabinets, pulling out the secret you’d been hiding, the reason you’re doing any of this.
Minutes later, Simon is walking back into the room, dressed in form fitting black dress pants, and his large hands are finishing up the last few buttons of his white button-up shirt, the buttons appearing minuscule in his grasp. Your eyes land on his figure, and suddenly the smell of the food in the oven isn’t why your mouth is salivating so much. He glances up at you, eyes meeting and each of you fights off a small blush and a shy smile, as though you’re seeing your dates for the prom for the first time.
“You’re so handsome, Si.” You tell him, stepping closer to him.
“Think you’re just desensitized to me at this point, love.” He attempts to deflect, but you see the blush deepening across his pale cheeks. “Besides, I oughta be kissing the ground you walk on birdie, just look at ya…” He reaches a hand out towards yours, spinning you around gracefully, taking the time to admire you entirely.
The look in his eyes is glazing over, as he licks his lips, eyes unable to tear away from each inch of skin you have exposed. You’re equally become as hot and bothered, but you’ve got a goal tonight, and you want to see it through, for his sake.
“Before dinner, I uh- I wanted to do something for you.” You say, stepping back enough that your backside meets the edge of the counter top. Your hands feel behind you for what you’re looking for, hoping he can’t see what you’re attempting to conceal for just a little longer. “I don’t need to explain to you how hard you work, everywhere you go, you’re always taking care of others, Si. And you don’t get even nearly as much thanks as you should, and-”
“Love,” he tries to cut you off, stepping closer to you, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
“Hold on, I really want to say this. To do this.” He nods at your interjection, accepting to hear you through. “Ever since I met you, you’ve changed my life Simon Riley, and I know I’m not the only person in the world who can say that. You are a good man, a hero to many, a leader to others. You’re just- you are good, Si. I promise you are.”
You can’t help the emotion beginning to seep into your voice now, but it’s important to you that he hears every word you have to tell him, and that he knows you mean them.
“I don’t know everything you’ve done, and I don’t want to. Your job terrifies me, and every time you walk out the door I’m scared you’re going to get hurt but- you’re so good at what you do, Simon. They couldn’t do it without you. You’re important, you’re needed.” At this, you slip the frame of medals out from behind your back, bringing them in front of you for Simon to see. “That’s what these are, at least in my eyes. They’re reminders that you’re meant to be doing what you’re doing, but most importantly, they also mean you made it back. You made it back to me.”
His warm hand reaches out to brush away a stray tear that’s spilled over your lashes, his palm staying to cup your cheek affectionately.
“You’re right, we don’t need all the fanfare, all we need is right here. But some occasions call for a celebration. That’s why I’m hoping you’ll let me put these on you? Just once, just this one time, I just- I need you to know how important you and your accomplishments are to me.”
Wordlessly, he nods to you, his own eyes appearing to be brimming with emotion. Sniffling, you turn the frame over, opening up the back before carefully slipping it off. Your fingers gingerly pick up the first medal they find, bringing it up to his firm chest. You look into his eyes once more, ensuring that this is okay with him. All you see in his gaze is pure, undeniable love. One hand reaches between the fabric of his shirt and the warm, scarred skin across his pec, as the other brings the medal to the front of the button-up. With all the devotion and tenderness in the world, you secure the medal to his front, slowly slinking your hands away to see if it’ll stay in its place.
When the medal does not budge, you repeat the process over with the remaining medals, until one side of his shirt is significantly weighed down compared to the other side, and both your hearts are bursting with affection for the human being stood before you. Sliding your now empty hands up his shoulders, his calloused palms resting on either side of your waist, his eyes communicate to you everything that his lips will never need to tell you. You know him. And you know what you mean to him. That’s why as he shuts his eyes and presses a kiss to your forehead, you find yourself whispering the sentence you hope to tell him every day of your life:
“I love you too.”
#call of duty#call of duty fanfic#call of duty fic#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost fanfic#ghost x reader#ghost x y/n#ghost x you#simon riley fluff#simon ghost riley fluff#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost#cod fluff#cod fic#cod fanfic#cod x reader#cod#readwritealldayallnight
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simon riley's breeding kink. 🍼
simon craves the warmth and comfort of a family, a family he can call his own.
simon is anxious when he finally comes to you, asking about the future and your thoughts on having kids together. he's thrilled when you admit that you want some children of your own sometime soon, and ever since hearing that, he's been pawing at you constantly.
it's all day. from when you wake you, to when you go to sleep again, an endless cycle. simon's strong arms hold your soft body, freshly awoken to the feeling of simon's bulge pressed against your tight rear.
he'll hump you and rock his muscular hips back and forth while he huffs at your sweet essence of arousal, whispering sweet nothings that leave shivers running down your spine, his hot breath against your neck ticklish and causing you to giggle quietly. slow morning sex with simon is sloppy and messy with his creamy load creating a sticky mess between your thighs, with him desperately trying to fuck his hot, potent cum into you, to plug you full.
he'll shower with you whenever possible, sneaking behind the shower curtain silently, his calloused hands against your wet body roaming. his lustful gaze wanders, looking for an inch of skin that he can mark with a love bite or a hickey, his dick hardening at the sight of your gorgeous body.
the veins on his twitching, girthy cock are prominent with his head weeping pearly stickiness from the tip. simon will groan loudly beside your ear, his breathing heavy, and the mirror left foggy from the hot, steamy water. please, love, just bend over and let him slide inside, he needs it.
and you're completely aware of this—his breeding kink and obsession with getting you pregnant. you rile him up and pester him about his fantasy teasingly, grinding against him occasionally while wearing no panties. oh, you're only adding fuel to the fire, sweetheart.
#orla speaks#simon riley#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley smut#simon riley imagine#simon riley x reader#ghost call of duty#ghost x female reader#ghost imagine#ghost cod#ghost mw2
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