#from the shopping centre to make myself feel better; and then go home and spend the next week worrying that they’re going to phone me

[some-far-far-away-land]

Current Status

It's been a while since I posted an update.

So 2023 has been off to a good start so far. Crazy that it's already the 2nd week of March. The year is going much better than how things went down at the beginning of last year. As a reminder, a part of our ceiling broke due to water damage in mid-January after a big snowstorm came through, and then a few days later I flooded our apartment which had us living in our bedroom since we didn't have flooring until the first week of April. Glad that's all behind us, though we were $10,000 richer, I would NOT want to go through that again.

This year we plan on taking our first trip since COVID and of course, we are planning on going back to Seoul since we haven't stopped thinking about going back since we last went in Nov. 2019. Since we're both making more money than we did in 2019, we're planning on splurging for the trip so we've started saving from the get-go. When we last went we spent like $5k on flights, accommodations, food, day trips, and activities. This time we're probably looking at $10k-$11k for the 14 days we'll be there.

The plan is to go back in November again, we're thinking Nov. 4th - 19th. We are monitoring plane ticket pricing but we've already made a reservation at this amazing-looking 5-star hotel in Dongdaemun, which is pretty much at the centre of Seoul. We didn't really explore this area the last time we were there. Last time we stayed in a private room at a hostel in Myeongdong for the first 5 days to save us money, and then for the rest of the trip we stayed in an Airbnb in Hongdae which was super fun since the nightlife and shopping there was 10/10.

We mainly stayed in Seoul for our first trip and we are leaning towards staying there again for most of the trip but maybe doing 3 days in Busan before we head home. We'll see where we end up going as we're in the early planning stages. I feel like there is still so much to explore in Seoul but I do feel like we should try and see other parts of Korea too.

On this trip, we will mainly be exploring cafes, eating good food, and checking out luxury shopping. We did a lot of the tourist attractions when we last went so we're being picky about what we plan on doing this time around. We're also going a week earlier compared to our last trip so we're hoping to catch more of the fall foliage when we go. We want to visit Nami Island again, but maybe this time hiring a private car to take us. Definitely want to have a photographer come with us too to take photos. I'm also interested in going to Mt. Seorak and exploring that area for a day. Closer to Incheon Airport we also want to go to Paradise City where they filmed Singles Inferno.

In Seoul, we'll also spend a lot more time exploring Gangnam, Apujeong, and Seongsu. We didn't even go to Starfield COEX Mall last time and we even skipped out on Lotte World. We did buy tickets to go but it was on the last day of our trip and we were exhausted by then. So yea definitely planning on a more jam-packed itinerary and caffeinating myself so we take fewer naps this time around. We will have 2-3 days that will be more relaxed and not filled with activities so we can also enjoy our hotel and have a few days where we can see where the wind takes us. The last time we were there it rained a few times so if we have some buffer days we can potentially move days around if the weather isn't very good.

Either way, I'm really excited to travel again and to go back to Seoul. In the 4 years since our trip, I've definitely tried more Korean food and have upped my spice tolerance. I've also fallen in love with coffee/espresso drinks which is why I'm so excited to cafe hop! Of course, I'll be vlogging and taking lots of luxury content for the gram.

Will do another update on planning when we've bought our tickets. One of our bigger concerns at this time is figuring out where Corgsworth is going to be staying while we're out. I'm thinking with my parents but they are also planning on going on a trip at the end of October and it looks like they're gonna fly back on the 5th of November. My sister might not be joining them so she might be able to watch him but we'll see since my parents told her that they'd pay for half her costs if she wanted to come.

Thats it for now!

[fingertipsmp3]

My mom just gave me the most unhinged advice for the job interview I’m worried about. “Just look at it as a day out” that’s literally the worst day out I can imagine

[hardlyinteresting]

Risks Worth Taking 2/2

This is the second half, part 2/2 of the story, thank you to everyone who has read it! Professor!Zemo x Student reader Part 1 here The reader takes Zemo’s philosophy class focusing on Machiavelli. Posted in 2 parts because it exceeded the textbox limit. Apx 3k words.

Warnings: student-teacher relationship (the reader is of age, no real focus on power imbalance), implied age gap, consumption of alcohol, implication that the reader is sleeping with Zemo for better grades (she's not) and of course let me know if you want me to add anything else!!

Week five, he is not shocked to find she’s once again the first one in class. “Good evening,” he greets warmly, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck as he makes his way to his desk. She smiles back, “I left my paper on your desk there, I figured I’d get the pile started”. He laughs setting down his coat and bag, “Something tells me there will be few submissions for this class”.

He’s right. Less than half the class bothers to show up. Most of her peers seem to be getting a head start on winter break, at least the class is quiet she thinks content listening to Helmut summarize the most recently assigned chapters, providing historical context where needed.

“Enjoy your break Helmut,” she says softly as he shuts the lecture hall door.

“You as well. Do you have plans?” She shakes her head, “No, just reading”. He smiles, “Then I am sure it will be a good break indeed”.

The cafe is warm and cosy. She settles comfortably into her favourite booth with her favourite book and a second cup of tea.

The bell at the front door dings as a man enters in a long black coat and leather gloves. Fancy she thinks to herself as he approaches the counter to order. It's usually other students dressed in sweatpants and hoodies, the man’s put together dress piques her interest. He orders and then she watches over the top of her book as he drops a $10 bill into the barista’s tip jar. Oh, well dressed and exceedingly well mannered. She can't help but watch him as he waits. Removing his gloves he tucks them into his pockets and unbuttons his coat, she swears she can smell his cologne from where she sits; it's incredible!

“Cherry blossom tea for Helmut?” The barista calls sliding the cup across the counter.

Helmut? It isn't. Is it? He turns after saying a polite thank you, and she can feel her heart hammering as he turns and she sees his face. It is. She's not sure why she's shocked, she did tell him about this place after all. Do I say something? She wonders, weighing the pros and cons, but her thoughts are halted when she hears his voice,

“Hello,” he smiles softly, “I didn't expect you to be here--I know you pointed this place out, but I wasn't--”

He's worried he's intruding. Oh, how the tables have turned.

“No, no. It's okay! I don't own the place-- did you want to sit? You don't have to--”

He chuckles as her nerves get the best of her.

Silently he sets down his cup shrugging out of his coat, putting it over the back of the chair before sitting down.

“What are you reading?” He smiles, trying to peak at the cover.

Again, after their initial stiffness, the conversation flows smoothly, just like it had in his office. After several warm drinks, and a couple croissants ordered between the two of them it’s grown dark outside. Neither had noticed the cafe empty out slowly over the hours, the barista cleaning up for the night until she clears her throat from behind the counter. They both turn to look at her, finally noticing how quiet the shop is.

“Sorry, we’re closing now,” the barista smiles sweetly. “Not a problem. I apologise, we lost track of time. We’ll get out of your way,” Helmut apologizes. The pair collect their things sliding back into their coats and gloves. Helmut waits patiently for her to be ready to go his hand resting gently at the small of her back as she slips out of the booth and past him.

Helmut stops and puts another bill in the girl’s tip jar.

“Sorry for keeping you,” he apologises again.

Outside the winter wind is cold against their faces.

“Are you hungry?” Helmut asks.

“I could eat,” She responds. “Ever been there?” Helmut asks pointing to the pub across the street. “I don’t know if it’s your speed. It’s not super nice or anything, but their food is decent,” she says honestly. He laughs, “‘Decent’ is better than what I can make at home by myself”.

She bites her lip thinking about it, does he want to spend more time with me?

“Okay,” she smiles as they make their way across the street.

Settled at a table, they wait for their server, she asks, “Was that a fifty dollar bill I saw you put in that tip jar?”

He shrugs, “Yes”.

He says that as if it’s normal, she thinks.

“I know you’re not from here, but you do know that’s a lot of money right?” “Yes,” he shrugs again, “But she made excellent tea all afternoon, she let us stay as late as she could and she was polite. And I have been here long enough to know that servers of any kind don’t get paid fairly. I can afford it, she deserves it”.

She feels the smile grow across her face, she considers gushing that he’s such a good person, but instead what comes out is, “I’m really starting to consider becoming a professor”.

He laughs, “I told you, it’s family money, not my facility pay”. God, that laugh, sets off butterflies in her stomach, the warm, genuine sound of his laughter.

He continues, “Before Sokovia fell, my family were royalty. I was a Baron there”. “I knew your name sounded familiar,” she sighs, “I remember hearing about Sokovia on the news. I remember your name, you were building orphanages and relief centres”.

He nods sadly, “Many of us thought we could salvage what we had left after everything. We couldn’t”.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, without thinking she reaches across the table to place a comforting hand on his arm. His hand comes to cover hers, so much larger than her own.

There’s a silence between them for one of the first moment since he sat down with her earlier at the cafe. But it’s not uncomfortable, it’s the opposite -- a silence of understanding, both parties knowing there’s nothing they can say to make things better-- they can only ruminate.

The peace is broken by a waiter coming to take their orders. “Do you drink Helmut?” She asks with a mischievous smile. “I have been known to indulge,” he confesses, his eyebrows furrowed. “Two shots of ?” she turns to look at Helmut expectantly. “Vodka,” he replies. “Two shots of vodka, and an order of cheese fries to share please,” she orders, “thank you”.

The waiter returns not before long, placing the drinks and food on the table.

She holds her shot glass up waiting for him to do the same. “Prost,” he says raising his glass towards her. “Cheers,” she responds clinking her glass into his before they both tip them back.

And that’s how their night begins.

It’s nearing midnight when they settle their bill, Helmut insisting he pay-- though she put up a good fight. “Can I walk you home?” He asks looking at her under the light of the street lamps. She nods, her face feeling warm both from his attention and the alcohol coursing through her bloodstream. Her apartment is only three blocks away, but time seems to slow down as they walk arm in arm through the freshly fallen snow. At her door they stop, she looks up at him, him down at her. Without a thought, lips meet. It’s not rough or particularly sexy, but she feels her knees go weak when his hand comes to cup her cheek, his other splayed across the small of her back pulling her closer. This kiss deepens and she clutches the lapel of his wool coat before they both pull away. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Don’t be,” she sighs.

Then the thought hits her, “How are you getting home?” “Oh-- I was going to get a cab and go back to the cafe to pick up my car in the morning,” he explains. “Nonsense-- you can stay here,” she offers unlocking her door and stepping inside, he doesn’t follow. “Not in my bed,” she laughs flicking on the light, “I’ll set you up on the couch”. He steps inside.

In the morning he wakes to the sun shining through the window. It takes him a minute to orient himself remembering he crashed on her couch. He sits up taking a moment to look around the apartment, it’s cute. Books and textbooks and notebooks strewn about the place. It’s homey and inviting and every bit what he’d expect her space to look like. Carefully he grabs one of the open notebooks tearing out a page he writes a quick note:

Good morning, I find that I feel very sorry for having to leave before you wake. Alas, I have much to get done, and I do not wish to trespass in your home longer than needed. I am grateful for your hospitality, and even more, your company. If my memory serves correctly I must also apologise for making that advance towards you last night. It was ungentlemanly, and you are unquestionably deserving of much better. I hope you can forgive me, and that you might allow me to make it up to you. -Helmut

Week six.

“He should appear to be compassionate, faithful to his word, guileless, and devout.” Is written across the board. When she settles into her seat. She’s not early this week, rather just on time. Helmut notes the heavy rise and fall of her chest as she tries to catch her breath, he holds back a smile at the thought of her sprinting to his class. When the class is settled, he proceeds to hand back all of the submitted essays, now marked. He smiles as he sets hers on her desk, “Bravo,” he says quietly enough that just she hears it as he shuffles along to the next row of students. She anxiously flips to the last page, red pen scrawl reads 100%. Her jaw drops. There’s no way. She thinks back to the rumours she heard on campus at the beginning of the year, about how difficult a marker he is. Bullshit. Her blood boils, rage sizzling beneath her skin. She avoids his eyes for the rest of class staring down at her notebook as she notices the indents in the blank page-- indents left from where he had written her a note that morning. Her anger freezes replaced by the cold sinking feeling in her chest. All his kind words, all those moments shared-- did he really think she was just spending time with him for a better grade? What kind of handout does he expect to get from her? She scolds herself now for the little crush she’d developed-- how stupid could she be? The prince must appear to be virtuous in order to hide his actions, She remembers from her reading, a dagger to her chest as she thinks bitterly that she’s not shocked that the professor is practising what he preaches.

The class ends and he moves to collect his paperwork, sorting it back into his bag. She stays. “I’m glad you stayed behind,” he starts. “I’m sure you are,” she says sharply. Confused he puts his things down turning to face her. “Have I done something to upset you?” He asks seriously his head tilted to the side as he racks his brain for anything he may have done to make her so cross. Perhaps his note was not sufficient in conveying his apology? “Do you think I’m stupid? Or that I’m naive?” she asks arms crossed, “I’m not sleeping with you for a good grade,” she states firmly, sliding her essay back across her desk, “feel free to adjust my grade accordingly”. Is that what she thinks? His mouth goes dry, his mind and heart racing with all the different ways he wants to apologise, to tell her that she has it wrong. He approaches her, finally making eye contact with her, “Your grade will stay as it is. I mark all of my student’s work without looking at the cover pages. I have always strived to remain impartial. Your essay was marked no differently,” He explains calmly, “I would be wrong to say that I don’t hold any affections for you-- it is quite the opposite. I enjoy the time we have spent together, and I would like to continue to remain in your company; I hope to eventually find myself in your affections-- but none of this has any bearing on your grade. I am sorry that I have acted in a way where this was not clear”. Her throat clenches, oh. “I’m sorry--Oh my god--I’m so stupid!” her hand flies to cover her mouth. “You have nothing to apologise for-- I should be the one apologising,” he insists. She shakes her head standing to stand in front of him, “We’ve both been obtuse”. “I’d like to make it up to you. I’d like to take you out for dinner-- a proper meal. If you’ll allow me”. She nods her hand coming to rest on his cheek, thumb running gently across his cheekbone, “I would like that,” she says quietly, her eyes glazing at his lips, “But only after the semester is done and I’ve graduated”. “If that is what you want,” he nods understanding. She can feel him leaning in, her eyes flickering up to his caramel eyes and back down to his lips, his hand rests on her hip, but he waits for her to close the gap between them.

Last day of the school year.

She waits by the door to the lecture hall as he speaks to his class. She listens to the back and forth of conversing ideas from the students, her heart beating faster every time Helmut speaks. It takes a while for everyone to leave when the class is over, but he does his best not to make her wait too long, gathering his things as quickly as possible, he makes his way over to her.

“Maybe I should’ve taken this course, the conversation was much more lively!” She laughs. “Your intelligent thoughts would have been wasted here, my dear” He smiles shutting the door behind him, “your class needed a brilliant mind in it”.

The summer goes by quickly. Fine dining, nights in. reading during rainstorms. Nights of soft romance, followed by nights of passion. Pasts shared. Futures envisioned. In his bed the night before the new school year she rolls over to lay almost on top of him, laughing when he lets out an oof. “Old man she teases,” earning a playful pinch on the thigh from him.

She glances at his nightstand, a copy of The Prince laying there.

“And what are your personal feelings about Machiavelli anyway? You never speak about your own thoughts”

“You're so clever,” he laughs, “but you're right”.

He sighs pulling her closer. he tries to focus on his hand running up and down her arm, how soft her sweater is under his fingertips. He takes a deep breath before speaking, “every time I read it, my opinions change,” he confesses, “there was a time when I was young and stupid; thought I was invincible that I agreed with a lot of his ideals. Then I grew older, fell in love--I thought him stupid and lonely. I experienced an incredible loss--”

She squeezes his side as she hears his voice grow tense with tears, he swallows and continues, “and then I thought I understood him. I learned how to grieve and I thought him intolerable. In the end I learn more about myself than I do him”.

She smiles, “and have you read it lately?”

He nods kissing her softly, “I have”.

“And?”

“I learned to trust my instincts. To take the risks that are worth taking”

“You're kind of a sap,” she laughs, her face getting warm she buries it in his chest. Part 1 here

[cherryatiny]

𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳: 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲

𝑁𝑜𝑡𝑒: 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑎 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑦, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 <3

𝐺𝐼𝐹𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒, 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡 𝑔𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑜𝑤𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑠

⩥ 𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠

„Mmh, honey, the pasta is amazing, so yummy, you should give this recipe to Seonghwa, the boys would love this.”

You murmured and dug into your food, barely taking a bite, playing around with your fork.

„Is something wrong Y/N?” asked Hongjoong with a concerned look at your sudden behaviour change.

„Well, I was thinking... you know, I'm getting old and I was thinking that I shouldn't postpone it for the child's sake. Uhm, I-I want a baby Joongie. I want to be the mom to your child.”

Hongjoong was at a loss for words, not knowing what to say to the words that came out of your mouth. His hands taking yours, keeping them warm and kissing the top of your knuckles.

„You've known my opinion, I've already told you many times that I'd be more than happy to become a dad to our baby. It's your body, honey. If you think that you're ready to become a mom, I'll be more than happy to acknowledge your decision of us becoming parents. Now, finish your pasta, you need to eat and be healthy, and you can't be under stress, so after we eat, I'll give you a good massage and we'll move to my favourite part.”

You let out small laughter at his words, pleased to know that Hongjoong isn't disapproving of you wanting a baby. After all, he could still act like a dick and tell you that he'd leave you if you got pregnant. As you finished your meal, Hongjoong wrapped you in a tight hug, showering you with kisses and love. And at that moment you knew, that your baby would have the most caring parents it could ever have.

⩥ 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐰𝐚

„Hwa, Hwa, what do you think of this dress, it looks good right?“ Twirling around in the changing room to see yourself from all angles, you asked your boyfriend Seonghwa for his opinion on the tight-fitting burgundy dress with a high slit on one side. You were supposed to accompany him to his company's gala, so you two went for some shopping.

„You look amazing love, we'll take them, now let's go and pay already, so we can go eat. I'm starving.“ you changed back to your clothes, folding the dress over your elbow, careful not to crease it. As you came out of the changing room, on your way to the cashier, you passed the baby section of the store, stopping to look at it. Seonghwa quickly noticed that you stopped, since his arm was wrapped around your waist, turning around to see you crumbling and melting over all those cute baby clothes, he couldn't help but frown, not understanding as to why you were checking out baby clothes.

„Uhm, what are you doing? Let's go Y/N...“ he took your hand to tug you and make you go, you not moving a step. „Seonghwa, you could wait for hours until I found the right dress, you can wait another 5 minutes. Come on, don't tell me you don't find these cute. Just look at how small it is, and all those lovely patterns“

„Okay Y/N, you found one babygrow with teddy bears on it, can we go now?“ You looked at him in disbelief, taken aback by how dry and kinda mean his answer was. „What's the attitude of yours? You don't want a kid one day?“ Crossing your arms on your chest, you looked up to meet his radiant eyes, Seonghwa without a doubt trying to come up with a diplomatic answer. „No babe, that's- that's not what I meant- Uh, let's go Y/N, I'm hungry.“

„No Seonghwa, I'm not moving from here. I want a baby, and if you don't want me to throw a tantrum and embarrass you in front of the whole shopping centre, you better tell me your opinion on us having a baby right now.“ he put on his awkward smile, rubbing his temple. „Y/N, I- the vision of us being parents to a little bundle of joy, sounds appealing, and if that's what you want, we can discuss it over lunch, okay? Now, please baby, I want to eat already.“ Seonghwa showed you the pout he knew you couldn't resist, paying for the dress you two were off to his favourite restaurant. And after finally getting to eat, it was as if Seonghwa's mind got switched, immediately joining you in your baby fever.

⩥ 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐮𝐧𝐡𝐨

„Now open your mouth- waaa, you're such a good baby, eating so well anything I give you, even though the spinach porridge tastes horrible...” you cooed at the adorable child that was sitting in front of you in a baby chair.

You were at your friend's apartment, feeding her little princess while she was cooking. „Is Yunho coming to pick you up?” she asked with a curiousness in her voice. „Yeah, well, he's supposed to pick me up, but you know how packed his schedule is, and I don't want to stress him more, with constant nagging. But I think he might be here in maybe 20 minutes.”

Feeding her princess the last spoonful of spinach porridge, you wiped the baby with a towel, since green stains were everywhere, starting from her tiny fingers to the bridge of her nose. Changing her baby grow, so she's not in dirty clothes, laying her on the ground, you surrounded her with many different educational toys to play with, you breath out after taking care of the baby.

„Wah, Sora, you have my full respect after this day, who would've thought that taking care of a baby is this exhausting.“

„Hahah, thank you so much Y/N, you helped me a lot today, yeah well.. it is hard, but you get used to it after a while.“ and as you both chatted over a coffee, the doorbell rang signalising Yunho was here. Sora opened the door for Yunho, greeting him politely before letting him embrace you in a warm hug, showering you with kisses.

„I'm sorry I'm late Y/N, we had to finish one thing.“ he said as you walked over to the tiny princess who laid on the floor playing with toys.

„It's okay Yuyu, at least I had more time to play with this cutie, isn't she adorable? Yunho, let's make one too, I've been thinking about this for a long time, what do you think? Having a little me or you, we could feed with our love, play around with, go on walks together..., work has been exhausting lately and having a little bundle of joy to brighten up our days...“ Yunho's eyes widened happily at the idea, he actually wanted to bring it up a long time ago, but didn't want you to feel pressured so he let it be

„Baby, that sounds amazing, but only under one condition! It'll become a dancer like daddy!“ you laughed and nodded, pecking his nose, before bidding goodbye to your friend Sora to let her rest and as well get home as soon as possible so you can begin the process with....

⩥ 𝐊𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐞𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠

„What are you doing?” you asked your boyfriend Yeosang who was sitting in the living room, his eyes glued on the screen of the TV. „Watching a variety show.”

„Variety show?” you shrugged your eyebrows and sat down on the couch next to him, wanting to see yourself since it was a rarity for your boyfriend to watch TV, less so watch some stupid variety show. Cuddling closer to Yeosang, to get warmer, you laid your head on his chest, his arms wrapping around your body. „It's about kpop idols, who have to spend their days taking care of a baby.”

You hummed in understatement and watch how the people on the screen struggled to take care of babies, failing in washing or feeding them. Unable to hold the laughter any longer at how clumsy they were, you drifted your eyes to Yeosang, finding out he probably didn't find it as funny as you did. His face focused as if he was trying to learn as many things as possible, his eyes shining softly in loveliness. „What's with that look honey?” noticing you staring at him, he took his eyes off the screen, looking at your face, curiousness hearable in your voice.

„I just liked how cute it was, the giggling of the babies and how tiny they look, with their big eyes. You just want to smother them with kisses and cuddle them all day long.” You expected everything, but definitely not this, looking at him in shock. „Oh wow, I mean, yeah, they're cute.. do you want one? I've been playing with this idea in my head for a long time, but I didn't know how to approach you with it. Do you want a kid?”

Eyes widening in excitements, he pulled you closer to him, squeezing you hard in a hug. „I thought you would've never asked. I would love to have a child oh my god Y/N, you've just made me the happiest man on this planet. We are gonna make babies!”

⩥ 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐒𝐚𝐧

Me: [video attachment]

Me: oh my god Sannie, look at how cute it is when it tries to say 'mama'

San: adorable but not as adorable as you

Continuing in your previous activity of scrolling down all the baby-themed pages of Instagram, you adored all those lovely videos of newborns with their parents. Drifting your mind into your little world full of babies, you heard the front door opening, signalising your boyfriend San came back home from the work. Getting up from the couch you were sitting on, you ran to the hallway, falling into his embrace, he picked you up slightly so that you were standing on your tip-toes, eye-level with him, giving his lips a light peck. „What was with the baby videos you sent to me the whole day, darling?”

Landing you back on your feet, you took his bag from his hand and went to the kitchen, San following you. „I don't know, I just couldn't help myself, they were too cute to not send you.” Placing his bag on the dining table and sitting on the kitchen counter you poured yourself a glass of water, waiting for him to react to your words in any way, instead he just hummed in understatement. „Mhm, maybe you've caught a baby fever.” chuckling at his words you put the glass back on the counter, tilting your head and looking him deep into his dark eyes.

„Yeah I know, I want a baby San. Make me a child please.” almost choking on his water he spilt some of it on you, taking you back with his action. „Uh, I, baby? I mean, yeah they're cute and all, but having our own? Wouldn't you prefer having another kitty? Byeol must be feeling lonely...” pouting and shrugging your eyebrows, you scoffed at his words playfully. „I'm feeling lonely too, so make me a baby, we might consider buying another kitty, but first things first, I want a child, think of the idea, we could shower it with love, play with it, imagine walking it to the kindergarten every day, the idea itself is just so precious.” smiling at your words San thought about the idea as well, firstly seeing you with a swollen belly, he could peck every day and then caress it singing to the baby in the womb, then after it was born, just seeing the tiny bundle of love sleep in his arms, all those making his heart flutter, sooner or later after some serious discussions, agreeing to try for a baby.

⩥ 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢

„Isn't Seonghwa's daughter cute? Aww, she's such a cute princess, I was playing with her while you two trained and she's so polite and kind as well. Seonghwa must be an amazing father no doubt.“ coming home from his practice you accompanied him to, Mingi was so exhausted, that he just laid on your lap, listening to what you had to say. Humming in agreement to your chatter about Seonghwa and his little daughter.

„Seeing how well he manages to take care of her, despite being an idol, I realised that it's possible and I don't necessarily hold back just because of your work. I wanted to come with this idea in a few years when your schedule won't be so hard, but I just really want to have a child. I want to be here for you so I'll understand if your schedule won't allow you to have a child right now, but just think about this, okay Mingi?“ Not getting any answer you leaned down, to look at his face, seeing him already asleep. „Geeesh, you could've told me that you're asleep, now I have to overgo this conversation again in the morning.“ pouting, you lifted his head lightly to not wake him up, laying down and putting it back on your belly. Pulling a comforter over the two of you, you caressed his head as you were slowly falling asleep yourself.

As you woke up to the sound of your alarm, sitting up, you noticed that Mingi's side of the bed was empty and cold, meaning he left a long time ago „He's probably training already...“ Stretching your body to wake up properly, you went down to the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water to start the day. Instead being met with a fully served table full of your favourite breakfast meal. „If you want a baby, you have to eat proper and healthy meals, I actually heard you yesterday, so don't worry, you don't have to overgo the conversation again, I'm in. Now, come and eat before it gets cold.“

⩥ 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐨𝐨𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠

Laying in the rose-scented water with foamy bubbles, your back pressed against your boyfriend's chest, Wooyoung's hands wrapped around you, you two just laying there and enjoying the peaceful and relaxing moment with each other. „Wooyoungie, yesterday you asked me what gift I want for Christmas.“

„Mhm, yes I remember, so? Have you decided, you know, because I don't want to give you something you won't like...“ Tilting your head back to look at him, hesitantly smiling at him. „I was mulling over it carefully... and I came to the result that I want a baby.“ you could feel his grip tighten around your frame. „A baby? Why a baby when you have me? If we'll have a baby we won't have that much time for each other, I don't want to lose you. You'll abandon me for the sake of the baby. You can baby me.“ Sighing at his jealousness of your potential baby you turned your head back to its previous place, looking at the wall in front of you, trying to come up with the best response.

„Wooyoungie, what are you talking about? Are you jealous? Don't be, of course, I won't abandon you, you'll still be the number one person in my life, along with our baby. Come on, have you ever taken care of a baby? Trust me you'd love it, I could take care of you and the baby as well and shower you both with my love. I want a baby Wooyoungie, please honey, pretty please.“ Kissing your shoulders, Wooyoung nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck. „But why a baby? We could get a puppy, it's basically the same.“

⩥ 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨

„Baby, baby, baby, baby!“ playfully yelling those words into Jongho's ears, knowing well the word 'baby' irritated him since yesterday's night when you confessed to him that you want a baby. „Y/N darling, please stop.“ looking at his whining face, you poked his nose, kissing his cheek. „Not until you tell me why you don't want a baby, yesterday you just told me no without any reason. I need to understand, Jong.“ Sighing at your childish demeanour, your eyes digging holes into him. „Okay, okay, but promise me to stop with this when I give you a proper explanation.“ Raising his pinky to your eye-level, intertwining yours with his.

„Remember that you just pinky-promised, so, what were you asking? Ah right, why do I not want a baby? I mean, isn't it obvious? I'm too young to have a baby! And you're too, you should stop hanging out with hyungs' partners, I'm sure they gave you this idea!“ pouting at his explanation, you crossed your arms on your chest. „Okay then I want a kitty!“ looking up at your face to see if you were serious, he realized you were. „Oh my- Y/N, why are you doing this? We don't need a baby nor a cat right now!“

„We need! You won't let me baby you and take care of you anymore since you try to act like an independent adult, that's why I want a baby or kitten I can spoil with love.“ laying his head in your lap, looking up at you. „If that's why, you can baby me, but no baby for a few years and no cat, it'll leave fur and hair everywhere. But if you insist, rather the baby than the cat.“

[hacked-by-jake]

Hey!

I've just got broken up with after 3 years because he cheated on me with multiple girls... (And blamed me for it)

Can I please request some Jake fluff? I leave it up to your artistic freedom, I just wanna feel better for a bit

Love your little stories, thank you for writing ❤️

The Truth

A/n: Hey dear, I hope you’re okay, I’m really sorry about what happened to you and thank you for telling me that. The words I will say are known from everywhere but they are true.You definitely deserve something much better than him. First of all, it is not your fault that he cannot control himself; it is not your fault that he cannot see your value. He doesn’t deserve you, and you don’t deserve to listen, it’s your fault. Even though it’s always easier said than done but you have to forget it. He's not worth your time, he's not worth your power, and he's not worth anything else. I wish you much strength and send you much love. Feel hugged and if you want to talk to someone you don’t know, feel free to write to me❤️❤️❤️

So, when I saw your message, I jumped right up to write this. I really hope you like it and that it will cheer you up a bit. I wish you a wonderful evening/ a wonderful night or a wonderful day. Take care of yourself. And thank you for the sweet compliments.❤️❤️

Summary: Jake tells you the truth.

Words: 2,1 k

Far away from you, you can hear the quiet bells of the church beating. It’s exactly 12 a.m. on a beautiful summer night.

The cloudless and pitch black sky offers a beautiful view of the sea of stars that sparkles above you and Jake and gives you the feeling that this is the eternity. On the edge of Duskwood town centre, on an abandoned high-rise, you sit cuddling with the Hacker and just watch the Quiet Night. Only occasionally cars drive through the streets of the small town, again and again lights go out in apartments and houses to end the day. The large windows of the shops and stores of the shopping street light up brightly and from up here the few people who are on their way home look like like little ants. You’re leaning your back against Jake’s upper body, and he’s got his arms wrapped around you. His head rests on your shoulder and your legs are knotted together.

You look up at the sky and watch the stars. Every now and then a plane flies by and you imagine yourself sitting up there with Jake on your way to your deserted island.

A beautiful holiday destination that you have traveled two times. A cute little wooden hut surrounded by white sand and crystal clear water. It is just perfect. You remember the moment when you were lying in a hammock with Jake in the middle of the night, under the starry sky and the moonlight, and he read you something from your favorite book. As beautiful as this moment was, as beautiful is this one too. In Jake’s arms, you feel like you own the world, like everything else is standing still and only you and Jake count. And it’s true, up here, it’s just you, him and the eternity.

Satisfied, you sigh, "It’s so lovely here, isn’t it?"

"You're right. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world," Jake whispers in your ear and breathes a tender kiss on your cheek, making you giggle. You turn your head a little to the side to see him, "I’m talking about the sky." He grins slightly, "And I’m talking about something even more beautiful."

Your cheeks turn slightly red and you are glad that it is not visible through the little light. Even after two years of relationship, he still manages to flatter and embarrass you, but the other way around it’s the same.

"You charmer" you joke and turn your head away from him again.

"No, I’m not a charmer. I am a man who only speaks the truth!" He whispers and draws you even closer to his body.

"Oh interesting, and what is the truth?"

He makes a superior sound, "Turn to me," he demands and lets you go so you can move. You do what he asks and turn to him. You sit between his outstretched legs and put your legs over his thighs and slide very close to him.

"Now, I am curious," you wink and look into his eyes that radiate so much love and security that you would like to cry the most, that you have the feeling that a whole zoo would rage in your belly, so tremendously tingles your whole body.

„The truth is that you are the most beautiful thing that could have happened to me. Before, I always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. As if I were superfluous everywhere and nowhere would a person really understand me. I thought it was my destiny to be misunderstood by everyone and to be an outsider. But when I met you, with your extraordinary kind and your jokes. With your courage and your trust in me, I understood it wasn’t true. I realized that all I had to do was wait for the right person that I found in you. Since I know you, my world is colorful, I see the future and I don’t just live for myself. Or rather, I don’t just exist. Since I know you, my whole life has changed.

When I’m with you, there’s no place I’d rather be. You’re the last thing I think about before I fall asleep, even when you lie next to me every night. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up, even if you’re half on top of me.

When I look into your beautiful eyes, I can see my future. I never looked for love until you came. I didn’t know that I longed for love and affection, I didn’t know how beautiful life can be. I didn’t know there was a person who made me feel what you made me feel. I had no idea that all I needed was you.

Before, it was just me and my computer. Trying to be anonymous and not letting anyone get too close to me even though that’s what I secretly wanted. All of a sudden, you made my world shine.

Everything I never thought possible became possible when I met you.

You know, MC, there’s flames, but you’re the fireworks, you’re the light that makes me see. Your eyes are my refuge, your touches are my salvation, your voice is my favorite music. Your smell is my healing, your lips my protection, and your love, my life. Your heartbeat is what keeps me alive, I don’t know what I would do without you. I don’t know how a life without you at my side was and is possible. When you enter the room, stops my heart for seconds and then beats twice as fast because you take my breath away.

Every time I look at you, I doubt whether this is the reality. Because I just can’t imagine how someone like you, so perfect, so beautiful, so sweet and tender, can be with me.

I know I talk a lot of messed up and confused stuff and I’m probably repeating myself, but if you could just feel what’s happening inside me while you’re sitting here with me, you’d think I’m crazy. And I am.. I am crazy about you.

I forget the simplest things around you. I forget how to talk and stutter all the time. Breathing is a hard thing too, because my emotions roll over when you’re there. I forget how to walk because I only have eyes for you and no longer look forward.

But I also forget all the bad, I forget all the pain, all the suffering, all the unhappiness. All thanks to you.

When I tell you something, you listen to me and you don’t just pretend. You’re interested in things I like, and even if I tell you boring computer stuff for hours, you listen to me carefully. If I’m not well, you leave everything behind to help me; if I’m happy, you’re happy with me. If someone treats me badly, you say something before I say something myself. You’re defending me from everyone and you’re defending me even if I’m not there.

MC, no one’s ever done this for me.

My heart is beating so fast I think it’s bursting. I feel drunk when you look into my eyes and confuse my mind, I feel so safe and loved. I feel like a human being since you’ve been at my side.

You showed me what happiness means, you showed me what love means. You showed me what life means and how beautiful life can be when you spend it with the right person.

I thank everyone out there that I can have you by my side. That I can be the person who is by your side, who may hold your hand, who may kiss you.

Who can sleep next to you, who can look at you all the time, who can protect you, and I always will. I will protect you from anything that could hurt you.

I would endure any pain in the world to stay by your side.

I would take any pain away from you so that it doesn’t hurt you, I would do anything to maintain your happiness and love. You are my God damn world! You are my angel, my heart, my one and all. You are my freedom and you are my prison, you are my happiness and my pain. You are everything, everything important in this world.

I wish I could describe to you how strong my love is for you but unfortunately there are not enough words to express it. And it drives me crazy that I can’t describe it to you, because I would love to.

I would like to express to you how damn much I love you because you deserve to see how I see you. Because you deserve to hear how perfect you are.

I love you so much that sometimes it scares me because I don’t know how to deal with it if you would to disappear from my life. I would never be happy again MC, I would never laugh again, I would never live again, it would break me, my dear.

We have too much in common. When you go, I go with you, when you cry, I weep with you, and when you live, I live. The truth is, all I am today and what I stand for is because of you, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are all that matters to me, I love you so much that my heart hurts. You gave me a life."

Like frozen you stare at him.

You’re not moving, any more than you were during his entire speech.

Silent tears run from your eyes like little streams. Laughing nervously, the hacker also wipes away some tears that he has lost while he poured out his heart and laid it at your feet.

"I also don’t know where that came from," he murmurs in embarrassment and clears his throat.

You don’t know how to react, should you fall into his arms and crush him? Should you kiss him until you can’t breathe? Should you just burst into tears? Or maybe all together?

Your head has trouble processing all its words and your associated feelings, you don’t know if this is really happening. Whether that’s real, whether you’re awake, whether you’re even alive.

It all seems like a dream, like a dream you never want to wake up from, but that’s the beauty. This moment is real, and it is yours.

"Please say something" his voice trembles slightly and he looks up into the sky, "I am afraid that you get up and run away after what I have said."

The worry in his voice finally lets you break out of your trance. Stormily, your arms wrap around his neck to pull him into a hug. From the momentum and the suddenness he has no chance to hold himself upright and tilts with you to himself, backwards. He groans painfully as he comes up on the ground and remains rigidly lying down. You’re hanging on him, clawing at him like someone’s trying to pull you away from him, hiding your head between his neck and his shoulder. Loudly you sob up and a tremble shakes your whole body.

"I love you," you croak weepy. Your voice sounds as if you have excruciating pain, but at this moment you are the happiest person in the world. "I love you so much Jake, so unbelievable that it hurts"

"I love you, too, my dear," he whispers and wraps his arms tightly around your upper body.

"I don’t know what to say. Or rather where to start" a little laugh leaves your lips, "I don’t know how to give it all back to you."

Jake grumbles, "You don’t have to answer or return anything. Please don’t say anything and take it like that," he asks, "Don’t say anything and just kiss me."

Of course you’ll grant him his wish right away. You straighten up and wipe the tears from your face. You put your hands on his cheeks and look deep into his eyes. He smiles as he wipes a few strands of hair from your face and pulls your head down to him and closes his lips with yours.

You stay there until the sun rises.

🌹🎭

[koreaweeb]

Red Strings - Thirteenth String

@underc0vercryptid-reads @laraplisetski @omegahighendpro @thooo0t @t3sselated @youngestdelacour​

TW: SWEARING, VIOLENCE, ABUSE, MENTION OF SUICIDE, MENTION OF SELF-HARM, SEXUAL CONTENT

-

-

Walking through the hospital even without her iconic red dress, Kurenai was turning heads. She wore a simple white silk camisole with an oversized turquoise blazer on the outside and matching trousers. Her heels were significantly shorter than usual, only about an inch tall, and she had her hair in a ponytail with two loose strands framing her face.

A simple look, but she caught his eyes. 

“Good morning, Chishiya-kun. Coffee?” Honoka asked, trying her best not to take note of how he had his eyes on Kurenai the entire time. Even when she did not look in his direction. 

“No thanks.”

“Shuntarou.” Calling his name as she poked her head out from the break room, Kurenai smiled. “Would you like some coffee? I brought my Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee beans.”

With a nod, Chishiya was already walking toward the break room. 

Honoka could not help but roll her eyes. What a hypocrite Kurenai was. In front of Honoka, she was always acting innocent and implying that she had no intentions of competing with her for Chishiya but her actions were quite the opposite. 

When Honoka suggested sushi for lunch with Chishiya, Kurenai would buy sushi for all the staff. When she offered Chishiya a sandwich once, Kurenai brought in a Michelin star chef just to make one sandwich. And that one time when Chishiya wanted a bottle of water, Kurenai had ten boxes of VOSS delivered to the hospital. Not just the normal VOSS, but the fancy lemon cucumber flavoured sparkling version. 

How was this not competing with her?

“You went with a different look today,” Chishiya said, watching as Kurenai was making coffee with their machine. 

“Hm? You noticed?” she grinned, though her focus was on the machine. It was different to the one she was used to at home. In theory, this was a lot simpler than the one she had, but she was having difficulty figuring out the mechanics. “It’s not really practical to wear a dress in a hospital.”

“You look good in dresses though.”

He walked up to the machine and reached for the back, turning it on. Someone must have accidentally shut the machine off, though it was entertaining to watch Kurenai struggle with such a simple task. 

Once it was turned on, everything else was easy enough and before long, Kurenai had a pot of coffee ready and the aroma filled the entire room. She poured a cup for Chishiya before taking a sip of her own. She hummed with satisfaction, sitting on the sofa. 

“Where did you learn to make coffee?”

“Coffee is one of those things I prefer to make myself,” Kurenai said, holding her cup with both hands, looking at the liquid inside. “Ayako-san’s coffee is fine but not quite right. So I took a class, and after some trial and error, found a way to make it that is…” She kissed fingers like an Italian chef would. 

Frankly, coffee was not something that Chishiya concerned himself with. If he needed one, he would make one in the break room. Or he would buy a can from the vending machine. If he wanted to indulge a little, he would head to the shopping centre nearby and get himself a Starbucks. He would not, however, spend time learning about coffee beans and how to roast them. 

But the coffee Kurenai made was especially good. 

“Is that Blue Mountain I smell?”

Disrupting the mood, Ichiro walked into the break room. He poured himself a cup of coffee, taking a sip, and let out a satisfied sigh. Instantly, Kurenai’s mood soured and she was no longer enjoying her morning coffee.

“Good morning, Morita,” she greeted, turning her laptop on. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Well, this is our project,” he said. “You look like a hot secretary today, nice.”

How crude, and classless.

Kurenai had to physically bite her own tongue so she did not blurt out something offensive. As much as she hated Ichiro’s presence, he was on the project. If she got along with him, this would go a lot smoother and that would mean getting rid of him faster. 

However, she did not have time nor the chance to say anything as a loud bang could be heard from outside, along with some scufflings and shoutings. 

All three of them headed out to see what was going on, only to see a man frantically waving a knife around, shouting something incoherent.

As soon as he read the situation, Chishiya went to grab Kurenai by the arm. He had to get her to safety. Except, he was grabbing at air. In a panic when seeing the knife, Ichiro dove for the nearby ward though in the process, he nudged Kurenai who, caught by surprise, was now standing in front of the knife man. 

The man was quick to grab Kurenai, hooking his arm around her neck and had his knife pressed to her throat. “Don’t you dare come closer or I’ll kill her! I’ll do it!” 

“Hey! Let her go,” Chishiya said, holding his hands up to show that he was harmless. “Let her go, and we can work this out.” When Chishiya spoke, the man had his knife pointed at him while keeping hold of Kurenai, stepping away from Chishiya. “Do not hurt her.”

“Stop it! Leave her!” Honoka whispered, grabbing Chishiya by the arm to try and get him to hide like everyone else. 

He flung her hands away, taking cautious steps toward the man but still keeping a distance. He was trying to think of a way to subdue the man without hurting Kurenai, and so many scenarios were running through his mind. She was too close to the man to get out unscathed. 

“You said! You said she wouldn’t die!” the man cried. “Your doctors said they will do their best to keep her alive! Why did she have to die when the punk who hit her didn’t?! Why?!” His knife was back on Kurenai’s throat, cutting into her skin and drawing a little blood. 

“Do you know who I am?” Kurenai asked.

“I don’t care who you are! You better bring me to that punk!”

“My name is Chuya Kurenai,” she said, keeping her cool despite the position she was in. “And when I say you do not want to hurt me, you better trust me. Hurting me is not going to bring you anything but misery. If you let me go, however, I can help you. You know the Chuya Group, right? My father is Chuya Atsushi. We have all the money and the power to help you.”

Kurenai’s words were distracting the man as he seemed to be deep in thoughts. Chishiya took the opportunity to grab the hand holding the knife while pulling Kurenai away at the same time. Startled, the man pulled his hand away, slashing Chishiya’s arm in the process. Security was quick to jump in, subduing the man. 

“Are you hurt?”

Both Chishiya and Kurenai asked the same question simultaneously.

Chishiya lifted her chin, taking a look at the cut on her neck. Thankfully, it was not a deep cut and she was no longer bleeding. His arm, however, had received quite a cut. His white coat sleeve was dyed red, and only now was Chishiya starting to feel the pain. 

How fortunate for them to be in a hospital.

He was brought down to A&E where a nurse stitched him up. Kurenai was waiting outside the curtain, and the moment the nurse walked out, she went in to see Chishiya. 

“Hey…”

“Hey,” he smiled. 

“How are you?”

“I got six stitches. Probably a scar too. But I’m alr-”

Before he could finish the sentence, Kurenai was hugging him. Her arms were tight around him, like she was making sure he was really there. And while he was rather composed before, Chishiya suddenly felt overwhelmed. 

When he saw the knife on Kurenai’s throat, his mind went blank. He could not think straight because fear was all he felt. Not fear for his own life, or of the knife. But fear for Kurenai’s safety. 

“Thank you.”

Pulling away from the hug, Kurenai held his face in her hands, stroking her thumb gently against his cheeks. She could not help herself as she was leaning closer until finally their lips met. And before she knew it, Chishiya was kissing back too.

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Who are your top five NHL teams and why?

Ooooo this is fun! Thanks anon!

Short list:

Habs ❤️🤍💙

Pens 🐧

Canucks 🌈🌊

Caps 🦅

Leafs 🟦🍁🟦 (no really! I know I don’t talk about them much but its true!)

Over-wordy explanations/backstory for my relationship to each of these teams below the cut for those interested!

Montreal Canadiens. My dearly beloved Nana, who half-raised me, is a lifelong diehard Habs fan who grew up listening to their games on the radio and then later as an adult watching them duel with the Leafs on Saturday nights on a black-and-white tv (also a BIG Carey Price stan). Needless to say she rubbed off on me immensely, and I remember saying to myself at some point “well, if that’s Nana’s team, that’s gonna be my team too” and it stuck for life. I also had a friend in middle school who was a RELIGIOUS Habs fan who also worshipped at the altar of Jesus Price in those early 2010’s, so I heard a LOT about all of that every lunch break as he argued with friends who were Pens and Bruins fans lol. We went on the Bell Centre tour during the annual 9th grade French class trip to Quebec, and while I was mostly focused on getting to the gift shop to buy Nana a souvenir, I swear my friend’s eyes were the size of quarters the whole time lmao. (Would LOVE to go back now that I care a lot). Basically the Habs are the closest thing to a local NHL team our region has bc we get their broadcasts (though people choose their own team allegiances for various random personal reasons), and I grew up absorbing through osmosis both the legends of yore and the latest updates on whatever Carey and PK and the lads were up to. (Also I’ve been quietly in love with Price myself since at least the 2014 Olympics lol. My first best fav ❤️) Bottom line the Habs are My Team, the “I’m gonna be here even when it sucks, even when players move on, this is attached to me in a way I can’t quite explain” team that every hockey fan has in their heart. GO HABS GO!

Pittsburgh Penguins. If you were an elementary school kid in Nova Scotia when Sidney Crosby was first released and up through the 2010’s, you had two options: love him, or hate him, but you better accept you’re gonna be hearing about him a LOT. I settled on “vague fondness” and followed Sid from a newspaper-scanning distance and vaguely rooted for him because when he brought the Cup home it felt like we all won. And like I said, lots of passionate Pens fans in my grade school classes to hear from (he’s also the only non-Habs player my Nana likes lol). Then I got into hockey properly last year and learned about Geno beyond just knowing his name, and my chronic affection for large loveable Russians got combined with my longstanding vague “I hope the Penguins win” feelings and my “time to get the full story on the Sidney Crosby’s Penguins narrative I only ever watched from a distance” research, in a manner not unlike the creation of the PowerPuff Girls ([chemical X] etc etc lol) to create a potent adoration for this team that rocketed them to second place in my heart. Also the fandom is just so damn fun and makes such great content, and that definitely feeds my level of engagement with the Pens!! Sometimes, when I want an emotional pick-me-up I watch one of their last 3 championship films just to remember what joy and optimism is — I would love to be present as a real-time fan for another adventure like that. With how much I know about them and how much I care, they’re my #2 for sure. I love those flightless fucks!!

Vancouver Canucks. So I started watching live NHL hockey games last summer around I think game 2 of the Habs’ first round series against the Flyers (I saw Price’s “Miracle Save” on twitter while following along bc I was intrigued by the fact that they made it through the play-ins, and was like “OKAY NOW I GOTTA SEE THIS SHIT LIVE”). That was really fun! Riiiight up until the Habs got eliminated. :/ And I was like “well, shit. I’m enjoying this hockey thing too much to stop now. who else is still around I can root for?” And the Canucks were the last Canadian team still in it, and there was buzz about their miraculous first-round win but also uncertainty I believe Markstrom had *just* got injured. So I started watching, ended up witnessing the Bubble Demko Miracle unfold live, had my heart charmed off me by “whatever the hell those two lil blonde bitches have going on” and a delightful underdog story, and here I am. Hitched to the Canuck wagon whether I enjoy it or not. Here for whatever happens! (Doesn’t hurt that I love me some Elton John too 😉)

Washington Capitals. I’m a person who is more likely to be really engaged with a team that has super interesting personalities, characters, and narratives around it — and my GOD are the Capitals good for that. I absolutely definitely started down this road with that mic’d up video from the 2018 final of Ovi telling Nicke “after me, I give it to you baby!” re: the Cup. Like I can pinpoint that there was a day I saw that for the first time in a gifset, squinted at the screen, said “you’re fucking with me...”, went to youtube, watched it be for reals, and was like “well. now I need to know more about ALL this.” After watching games and learning more about the team, I really enjoy the Caps’ “big dumb found family of stone-cold total weirdos” energy, their fun collective chemistry, their Cup story, etc. And oh BOY the fandom is fun during game lb’s! I love all the in-jokes and player nicknames, our delight with the quirks of our colourful wonderful broadcast crew (shoutout Wine Uncles & Co), the way we cheer for record-breaking milestones like they’re a first NHL goal! Being a fan of the Caps AND the Pens can be a bit awkward sometimes, and the team certainly has its blemishes, but my heart is big enough for two Metro teams for sure, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Toronto Maple Leafs. So like, as you can imagine from my previously described upbringing in Hab Land, “haha Leafs suck” is a punchline I have long been familiar with and trained to recite. I got a solid 3 days of laughter and entertainment out of the whole Zamboni Driver Saga last February, oh boy did I ever. But the thing is.... I have the Leafs to thank for the fact that I watch hockey now. See, the entire reason I started paying proper attention to the playoff bubble last summer was because one day, I happened to see the phrase “WHAT IS HAPPENING” trending at 16k tweets on twitter, and clicked on it like “huh?”. Turns out the Leafs were in the middle of their miraculous 3-minute comeback against Columbus and the country was losing its mind. And when they won, I was like “huh... the Zamboni Team is doing THIS??? I may have to start paying attention to this playoffs thing, because if they go All The Way I think that might be the only thing funnier than the Zamboni Incident”. Aaaaand when they immediately lost the next game and were eliminated I was like “lol, sounds about right” and was then immediately distracted by news of the Habs winning the play-in round. So then I spent several months watching playoffs and forgetting about the Leafs. And then one day in early October, looking on YouTube for more hockey to watch after the playoffs ended, I stumbled across something called a Hat Pick, and boy I actually enjoyed this shouty man’s sense of humour and takes on the game... and then when I ran out of Hat Picks and Dangits I watched some Trade Trees, which pulled back the curtain on the business side of the game... and then I discovered LFR’s, which were good background noise for doing tasks... and then I was recommended the episode of the Steve Dangle Podcast about Mitch Marner and The List... and next thing I knew I was listening to more of this podcast, because I found Steve and the guys to be insightful and funny and there was no hockey to watch, and I was trepidatious about accidentally stumbling into the more toxic corners of hockey fandom if I branched out for other content... and, well. If you spend enough hours listening to people passionately analyze every facet of a team, shout and cheer over a team, make fun of that team, nearly cry over that team... it’s really REALLY hard to not start to care about it. Leafs analysis was basically how I learned most of what I’ve learned about hockey this past year! And kudos to Steve and Adam and Jesse, their passionate investment in the Leafs and great content has got ME invested in the Leafs mainly because I want to see things go well for them. I want Charlie Brown to kick the football! I love a triumph over adversity story! Also, I think if the Leafs did Do The Thing it would basically be the combination of “Cubs win the World Series” and “Raptors are the champs” and I wanna watch the city of Toronto go fully apeshit from a safe distance. I don’t adore many their individual players as much as I do some other teams higher on this list, and I still laugh far too much when things go super comically impossibly badly for them, but I am actually pulling for the Leafs!! I want to see it all pay off for them. I want them to go all the way. Gimme that “LEAFS WIN!!!” (Unless it’s against someone above them on this list lol)

[eveningcatcher]

Asra/Julian/Lucio/Valerius arguing with MC

Asra

The shop was just about to close when Asra came up to MC, telling them that they are planning on going away, again.

"But you've just come back," MC sighed as they closed the shop, "Why are you going so soon?"

"I'm sorry, but I just have to go, I'll be back soon," they smiled at MC as they packed their things.

"Then why don't you take me with you?" Mc turned to them.

"We've talked about this," Asra started explaining, "I'll take you with me once, I truly will-"

"Why not take me now? If the trip is not that long, then why is it a problem to take me with you?"

"Because..."

"Because what? You don't want me to come with you?"

"It's, it's not like that."

"Then what is it all about? Please explain," they massaged their temple, "Look, I understand it might be a problem to bring another person without a plan."

"That is exactly my point-"

Mc stopped Asra, continuing with their argument, "But you've never told me you were going to go, and the last three times you've told me it won't be that long, it turned out your little trips lasted for months."

"Why are my travels a problem now?" they asked with a bit of bitterness in their voice.

MC noticed that, but continued talking, in a calmer manner, "Your travels are not a problem. They never were, the problem is you distancing yourself from me! I just want to spend some time with you and bond, but it feels like every time we get a bit closer, you cut the ties by going on another travel! Please, tell me why is that? I just want to know the reason."

"Why do you have to know?" they turned to them, "Just because you can't live off without me, doesn't mean I can't. I just want some space and you're making a huge fuss over it." they were about to continue arguing until they saw MC trembling, tears rolling down their cheeks.

"MC," they stopped talking, realising what they've done, "I, I didn't mean to-"

"Go," MC stared at them, trying their best to fight tears, "If I'm the one holding you back," their lips trembled as they let the words out, "Then I will stop. Here, you're free. Congratulations!," tears formed in their eyelashes, making Asra's expression all blurry, but they didn't want to see them now.

Asra didn't give MC a chance to leave, instead, they hugged them tightly, "I want you to know," they kissed MC's forehead, moving a few strands of hair away, "You've never been a burden, truly," they wiped off MC's tears.

"It's just that there is so much I wish to tell you, but I don't know how. It's always been easier to just bury it all away, but that wasn't fair to you," they looked at MC's puffy eyes, their heart aching at the sight, "Come," Asra lead them to their room, "It's time for me to explain everything."

They put MC next to them and with a bit of hesitation started explaining what happened three years ago.

"I... died?" MC asked them, mortified.

"Yes," Asra hugged MC, "Don't worry, everything's fine now. I'm here," they told MC as they spent the rest of the night together, explaining everything from the beginning, promising them they won’t abandon Mc again.

Warning: mentions of alcoholism in Julian’s headcanon

Julian:

"Not again," MC groaned as they tried their best to lead Julian out of the Rowdy raven. Once the two of them got home, MC gently put Julian on a chair, trying to get them some water.

"You promised me you won't spend nights at the Rowdy raven," they handed Julian a glass of water, "You know it's not good for you to drink this much, it's getting out of control."

"I, I'm sorry..." Julian stuttered, struggling to hold the glass with both of his hands, "This is the last time, I promise."

"This is the fourth time you've promised me that," MC said as they helped drunk Julian drink water, "Please, if you are bothered by anything, you can always turn to me," they smiled as they put the glass on the table.

"Why do you want me to stop drinking?" he protested, "You're no better than me, you know?"

"Well," MC was caught off guard, but they continued, "I do drink from time to time... but I don't drink as much as you do!"

"Don't play innocent!" he stood up a tad bit too quickly, nearly falling. He didn't let this stop him, so he used the table as a support.

"I know you've been drinking a lot lately. You just buy new bottles to replace the empty ones!"

"Well, at least I don't get drunk every time!" MC protested, "Look at yourself! Who knows what would have happened if I haven't stepped in!"

"I know what would have happened," Julian started, "I would have at least had some fun and not get a lecture from a hypocrite!"

"I'm not a hypocrite!" MC shouted, "Can't you see? I'm just trying to take care of you..."

"Then why don't you take care of yourself first?!?"

"I-" MC looked at drunk Julian in disbelief. They walked out of the house, saying, "Fine, I will!"

They slammed the door after themselves, walking away into the night. They were alone, thinking about their decision. Was it okay to just abandon Julian like that? He is probably still sitting on that chair right now, not knowing what to do.

No, now is not the time to pity him. He is the one who hurt them, so why are they the one feeling bad? It's not their fault that Julian doesn't take care of himself. They decided to put the thought aside, going into the shop to talk with Asra.

They didn't bother with knocking, instead, they unlocked the door and walked quietly upstairs, in case Asra was asleep. After a couple of minutes spent on roaming around the shop, they realised that Asra was not home.

'Dammit,' they thought, 'Why are they always away?' their eyes became glossy, 'Gosh, why did I even bother...' they walked to the kitchen, looking for some beverage.

Just before they were to open a glass of Prakran wine, MC stopped themselves, 'He was right,' they put the bottle where they found it, 'I am being hypocritical,' they walked away from the kitchen, trying to look for something to distract themselves with. They can't just turn to alcohol whenever something goes wrong. Wait, isn't that the same thing they told Julian? 'The irony,' they chuckled at the thought, "I'm such an idiot," they thought as they took a glance at the window, trying to enjoy in the calm night, however, they were met with the sight of a drunk plague doctor breaking into the shop.

"Um," MC stared at the Julian who, somehow, got his legs tangled, "The doors were unlocked..."

"They... were?" he asked, reddening as he tried to get himself in the shop, "You should, you should know better," he didn't know what to say, so he just said the first thing that came to his mind, "What if, you know, someone was to-"

"Break in?" they finished his sentence with a sad smile. After they have gotten themselves together, they said: "Look, about drinking," MC said as they helped Julian get into the shop, "I was terrible, I shouldn't have put all of the blame on you."

"But, I-"

"Please, let me finish," MC stopped Julian before they could blame himself, "Let's be real, I was being a bitch even though I'm not doing any better than you are. I was a hypocrite," they looked at Julian in the eyes, "I don't want our relationship to fall apart because of vodka."

"Me neither," he hugged them, "I'm, I'm sorry," he said, accidentally letting out a sob.

"Me too," they hugged him back, snuggling their head in his chest, "Let's go back and talk about it tomorrow," they said as they left the shop with Julian.

Lucio:

"Could we please go somewhere quieter," MC asked Lucio as they tried not to spill champagne from their glass, "I don't like it here."

"Oh come on, just enjoy yourself," Lucio smiled, offering them his drink, to which MC reclined, "Don't be such a killjoy. You always enjoyed parties!"

"Well yes, but don't you think it's a bit more crowded than usual?" MC said as they glanced at the crowd of drunk men singing.

"So you've noticed it, too," he smiled proudly, "Isn't it amazing? People all over the world came to my party!"

"It is," MC nodded, "It's just that it's more than I expected..."

"Nobody expected it," he moved a strand of hair from MC's face, "But I'm glad. Come," he pulled them to the centre of the ballroom, "Let's dance~"

"Slow down," MC said, "Everyone is watching..."

"They should," he answered happily as he grabbed MC's hand, "Say, what's on your mind?"

"I'll be honest with you," they said with a sigh, "I saw you flirting with a maid, again."

"What maid," he chuckled nervously.

"Don't play dumb," they protested, getting a few glares from others, but they didn't care, "You know which maid. You know you shouldn't get intimate when you're in a relationship with someone else."

"Then what about you and Asra? The two of you are close," he blurted it out, trying to change the topic.

"Yes, because I've lived with them for three years," they noted, "But why does my relationship with Asra matter now?"

"Because you're saying to not be intimate with someone when you can comfortably change in front of them."

"Why does it matter? You know we've lived together, so it's only natural that we are close. I believe you know that we wouldn't do anything. You're just nitpicking. Lucio, please tell me, did you do it?" they pressed further.

He was silent for a moment, knowing there is no turning back. "Yes, I did it," he sighed, "It's not because I don't love you, I do," he started, breaking a bit when he saw MC's glossy eyes, "I just, don't know what got into me. It's just that I got so happy for a moment. We didn't do anything... too special," he blushed from embarrassment, "It was just a moment of weakness, I swear!"

"Look, I know what I did was terrible," he looked at the side, "And I don't have any excuse-"

"So why did you do it?" they asked him, tearing up, "You know how much it hurts me."

"I, I never intended to, it's just that I have been so stressed lately," he started explaining, "You know, with the problems with the South end. I just needed to... relieve myself, you know? Have some fun-"

"To relieve yourself?" they looked at him in disbelief, ignoring the crowd staring, "You're unbelievable!" they kept their composure even though they wanted to scream and shout. How could he do this to them again?!?

"I'm off to cheating to you with Asra," they said sarcastically, walking away from the ballroom, down the hallways. Where should they go? They took a glance at Lucio's chamber. 'Definitely not here,' they thought as they kept on walking, trying to walk through the crowds of people. After stumbling away from the huge crowd, they found themselves in front of the room where Nadia let her stay as a guest.

'How nostalgic,' they thought bitterly, walking inside. Everything stayed the same, making them remember how they came into the palace, how they were more of a detective than a magician. Laughing at the thought, they sat down on the bed, remembering how Mercedes and Melchoir dragged them into Lucio's room...

"MC, are you here?" Lucio asked, opening the doors, only to find MC sitting on the bed.

"I'm so sorry," He walked to them.

"Are you really, though?" they asked him, through tears.

"Of course I am," they stopped midtrack, getting hurt by MC's harsh words, "I hate to see you hurt like this."

"Then why did you cheat on me again?!?" they shouted at him, letting all of their frustration out, "First time, you fucked with Valerius while I was visiting Asra," they sobbed, reviving the old pain, "Who was so sick that they could barely talk."

"But, but," he stepped back, getting caught red-handed, "Haven't we already talked about this?"

"We have, but it looks like you never listened!" they quickly wiped off their tears, continuing to argue, "Or you just felt bad that you were caught!" they took a deep breath, trying their best to calm themselves down, "And I forgave you, I fucking forgave you because I believed your lies about how you didn't mean to, and how you've changed. Over time, it looked like you changed, it looked like you really regretted it."

"And I do, I truly do!" he tried to reason with MC, but to no avail.

"Bullshit! Looking back at it now, Valerius' apology was more honest than yours," they closed their eyes, remembering how sorry Consul looked when he saw them distressed, "One of the biggest gossipers in the palace was more honest than you..." they looked at Lucio with only anger in their eyes, "I believe that says a lot, doesn't it? You have to learn that your actions have consequences."

"I know that, I just make-"

"Little oopsies?" they continued, "I'm done being toyed with. Continue this party, and every other after this one, without me," they stood up from the bed, walking past Lucio, "I don't want to see you ever again."

"You, you don't mean it, do you?" he walked behind them, cold sweat running down their face.

MC stopped in their tracks, facing Lucio, "Look at me in the eyes and say I don't mean it," they looked at Lucio's devastated expression as the realization hit him, "Go on and fuck Valdemar now if you want to, I don't care anymore. Farewell," they told him as they got lost in the crowd of people, leaving him alone, again.

Valerius:

The most popular topic to gossip about lately has been Nadia's new partner and Valerius was enjoying every part of it, not just because a commoner and royalty were in a relationship, but also because making fun of some charlatan is always entertaining.

"I knew that Nadia never had a good taste, but this is a new low," praetor giggled.

"Let's be real for a second," Valerius smiled as he drank his wine, "Countess didn't fall for their looks."

"Agreed."

"And they aren't richer than her," he continued talking as he poured more wine, "So that leaves us with their... personality," he grimaced.

Praetor burst in laughter, "No way," he said as he brushed his tears off.

"But think about it," he persisted, "Is there any other thing that's interesting about them? Anything at all?"

"Hm," he stopped laughing and thought for a moment, "Give me a moment."

"I think you'll need more than just a moment," he smiled mischievously.

"And I think you can mind your own business, Consul," Mc said as they walked into the room, sitting right across the Consul, "Please leave us alone."

"Oh, would you look at that," Valerius looked at Mc, then at Vlastomil, who quickly saw himself out, "The witch decided to come out of their lair," he smiled uncomfortably as he drank even more.

"I believe you should stop with drinking," they said, "It seems that whenever you have too much of it, you say some rubbish that you might regret later."

"Is that a threat?" he raised his eyebrow, getting annoyed.

"I can assure you this conversation will be between the two of us," they said as they straightened their back, "We're both adults and I believe we can solve our problems on our own, no?"

Upon hearing that the countess won't know a thing, he calmed down, giving MC a smug smile, "Of course."

"Please, tell me," they didn't bother to hide their annoyance, "What do you have against me?"

"Well, I don't know," he played dumb, "Maybe I'm bothered that a nobody started to hit on Nadia for an obvious reason-"

"And what would that obvious reason be?"

"Money, fame, good position," he counted, "You know, all of the things that a witch couldn't get on their own."

"And what do you have against me doing magic?!?"

He raised his hands in defence, keeping his composure, "It's not that I have something against it, it's just that I believe it's useless. Everything that you do with your magic could be done with a more reasonable approach. Instead of healing potions," he rolled his eyes, annoyed that he even had to say such silly things out loud, "We can take medicine."

"And what about things that you can't replace with anything else, such as tarot readings?" they asked, clearly pissed.

"Why, what a ridiculous, yet expected question, coming from you," he sipped his wine, enjoying MC's reaction, "I don't need some stupid cards to tell me how I should live my life. I don't need to know my future, such knowledge would only hold me back, no?" he paused for a moment to enjoy MC's reddened face, "Knowing magic is not my business, and neither is it for any other person. It's useless!"

"What an interesting statement coming from someone who has been sticking their nose in other people's business," they responded with venom in their voice.

"So, you're not denying that magic is useless and as such you are worthless as well?" he smiled showing bitterness just as much as MC did.

"It is NOT useless!"

"But if it's as useful as you claimed it to be, then why aren't we all blessed with such an ability?"

"In conclusion," they took a deep breath, not letting their emotions get control of them, "You hate me just because I use magic?"

"Not just because of that," he corrected them, ignoring the fact that MC changed the topic, "I dislike you because you only know about magic and nothing else. You just don't bring anything good for Vesuvia. I agree," he paused to gulp wine, putting the glass back on the table, " Lucio was a terrible, barbaric ruler, but at the very least he knew how to deal with people. Too bad I can't say the same for you, but hey," he tilted his head giving MC a fake smile, "At least you're just as dumb as him. Honestly," he looked to the side, trying to make a sad face, "Nadia should have stayed with him, with the right approach, they could have made something of Vesuvia."

"Honestly," they stood up, not bothering to even look at Consul, "It's no use talking to you," they walked out of the room, saying, "Have a lovely day."

Valerius was left alone in the room, thinking about his actions. No, he doesn't regret what he said, but he realised that he might have gone a bit overboard. In the end, he stood up and went to look for the magician.

After checking every room in the palace, Valerius was convinced that magician went back to their shop.

'Why do they keep the shop open anyway?' he thought as he was about to take the carriage, he noticed the magician was still here, in the palace garden, sitting by the fountain. He sat next to them, without exchanging a word. After a couple of moments, MC said, not bothering to face Valerius:

"You know what pisses me off about you the most?" they asked, not bothering to wait for an answer, "I hate you as much as, probably even more than you hate me, yet I don't go around telling people you're a hopeless alcoholic," they said bitterly, turning to him, "Even though I strongly believe it."

"I," he looked to the side, embarrassed, "I may have used the wrong words to express myself."

"May have?" they repeated, chuckling.

'At least they cooled off,' they thought.

"I haven't changed my mind," he started explaining, "But I do believe it was rude to add Lucio into the conversation..." he stopped for a moment, thinking about everything rude he said, realizing the list is much bigger than he first thought it was, "And I shouldn't have degraded you by your profession, even though I still don't like it," he mumbled to himself.

"I never wanted you to like it," they stopped him, "But I appreciate the apology," they smiled, "Let's start over."

"Let's."

"But if I ever hear you gossiping about Nadia I'll put a hex on you," they warned him, chuckling at the thought.

"You can do that?" he asked, surprised.

"Well, I can't do anything big, I've never cursed someone before," they admitted, "But I'm confident I could curse you to taste spoiled milk every time you drink wine."

"So you can curse people?" he asked, intrigued.

"Why are you so interested in magic all of a sudden?" they asked, a bit worried by Consul's reaction.

He was silent for an awkward moment, only to respond with: "I have my reasons," he said with a mischievous smile. He stood up, going back into the palace, "I'll count on your knowledge of this dark magic, magician."

[dear-diary-where-is-my-soul]

Hey Diary,

It has been... almost a whole year? Idk. I’m here anyhow. I somehow got it into my head that when high school was over, I would somehow become magically no longer mentally ill. That didn’t happen, obviously. So here I am. I did a bit of digging and I think I have ADHD (Which I like to call dopamine deficiency) and also ASD (Which I like to call a pain in my ass). I’m just kidding, they’re both a pain in my ass. But at least I know what it’s called. I can kind of manage it now because I spent hours looking for management plans that work for both ADHD and Autism, and seeing what worked for me. I know for a fact that I have Anxiety (Of the social variant - possibly tied to autism) and depression (That I’ve had since age 12 - about 6 years). I thought I was over my anorexia but it keeps pestering in the back of my mind. I’m eating now, but it still isn’t 3 meals a day. It’s not ‘healthy’ meals but it’s better than nothing. I still think that sometimes I’m not worth the food. My boyfriend (The same boyfriend) is a really good cook. His food is so good. But neither of us can eat it.   I moved out for a short while, about 4 months. I moved in with my boyfriend, who moved in about 9 or so months before me, with his ‘dad’ (Non-bio, no longer dating [Boyfriends] mother). During those 4 months, I spent more than 1000′s dollars in savings not to mention my Centrelink payments, which only started during the second month [half of what my boyfriend was getting], to trying to keep me and my boyfriend alive. Which would’ve been way easier if I didn’t need to spend over 500 dollars in taxi fees because his dad didn’t know when to stop drinking. So, a little bit of extra kicked in the fucking balls, Before I moved in, I was told that I wouldn’t need to worry about rent until my Centrelink payments were sorted. But, when we move out, my boyfriend sold his bike and 650 of that money was given to his dad because he was keeping track of how long I didn’t pay rent for and said I owned it to him. Even Though my boyfriend offered 2/3 of my rent (Plus his own) every payday. We were both told that it was fine and that we didn’t have to worry about it.  He always complained about me being anti-social. Which was really fucking clear to begin with. I never said that I would be interacting with him more than what was comfortable. This was his main excuse for drinking. But, until I moved in he completely ignored my boyfriends attempts to be social with him.  He wasn’t my type of person. Conservative, mid 40′s, cis-het, white man with ASD and previous alcohol and drug use problems. AKA ‘There’s nothing wrong with the world you’re just to sensitive, men are men and women are women nothing will change that, except don’t move my living room around because that’s too much for me to handle’.  He used to scream at my boyfriend that he isn’t a real guy, but got upset when my boyfriend then put distance between them to not get any more hurt and depressed. I hated it. I can’t handle any loud noises or anything like that. It sends me up the wall with anxiety and I’m very easily over stimulated. Unfortunately, our roommate did not get over stimulated easily and really like heavy metal, which he would play unbearably loud until 2-3 AM on the weekends. He also nearly broke our bedroom door several times. He would scream insults at us through the door and while outside our window (which had a little undercover deck-type-thing, where he drank himself stupid).  Me and my boyfriend took a two week holiday up back to our home town, because my boyfriend was having stress-induced Seizures. He was having full-on whole-body fits every 2-3 days that lasted about 5 minutes (These have stopped since we moved out). Anyway, we got back home, being dropped off by my bf’s mum,( who has since very much mellowed out [about my boyfriend being trans] by having another kid, this kid is nearly 18 months old, has some kind of IBS [Unconfirmed as of yet, but he is in a lot of pain]). We put away the few bits of shopping we got, as we were band from touching our roommates food over a month before because he was asked not to eat ours (Not true, but he did use a full packet of our cheese [7 or 8 bucks per packet] in one meal that neither me or my boyfriend liked or could eat, which we were talking about to my boyfriends mother who mentioned it). He also said that we accused him of stealing and shit like that (We didn’t). But anyway, We make dinner because it was around 5;30 or so and we didn’t eat lunch. We put of a movie in the background and my boyfriend goes out for a cigarette on the deck-thing and when he comes back in he tells my that our roommate has been drinking but will stop soon because we’re home.  8:30 comes around, me and my bf are heading to bed with the same movie on in the background and that’s when the screaming starts. 20 whole minutes of our roommate screaming “FAGGOTS” to try to get our attention. During this time, we call my bf’s mum, who is still in town because she had a doctors appointment the next day, staying at my bf’s nans house. We then get up, grab our still-packed from our two week trip (day)bags, and wall ten minutes away to the shopping centre near-by and call a taxi.  During that night, our (ex)roommate texted my bfs mum basically saying that we are ‘kicked out’ and that he hates all of us. This isn’t the first time this has happened but it is definitely the last. We went back, the next day while he was at work, grabbed our other bags and a few of the essential items we wanted for the next week or so. Our landlord (ex-roommates mother) said that everything was fine to stay there until we could get it picked up within the next two months or so. She offered to pack it all up for us as well, which we accepted because neither of us wanted to go back to that house again.  We haven’t been there, or seen him since. My bf’s mother’s bf went with my brother to pick up all of the rest of our stuff a week after we left. We set back up in my home town, now both of us have been ripped away from our new doctors, our counsellors and my new therapist less than a week before my first appointment (which I now do via telehealth [phone/video calls]). This was about a month ago. me and my bf now have set up and pay for our internet ourselves and I got a disney+ subscription because I'm obsessed with feeling the safety I felt during childhood.  Anyway, I live with my boyfriend and his mum and her boyfriend and their 1 year old. Both of my parents live in this town but we’ve been in lock down and I haven’t been able to see them. I feel like I’m drowning because I don’t go outside. I used to walk with my boyfriend, but because he has several chronic health issues we can’t risk him going outside and he can not exercise as much as either of us would like due to chronic pains (And a busted knee which he has scans for in a fortnight or so). I’m in an online course, which was fully government subsidized due to the amount of people who need training or retraining after Covid-19. I really like it, and it is making me think more harshly about wanting to start a business. However, I don’t think I can do the assessments. Almost all of them seem to require me being social on the online group chats, and it fuels my social anxiety so much I didn’t do anything to my course for a whole month. And this whole thing was a way to help me get rid of those feelings, but I still don’t know what to do. How do I word it to the teachers? I haven’t talked to any of them before and it might seem like I just don’t want to put in the work in the social aspects of my assessments because I don’t have a diagnoses.  This sucks. I can barely sit my ass down and read through the work as it is. Then I start thinking about how I'm 1 quarter of the way through this course and haven’t brought myself to do a single assessment. Then I freak out over how much I’ve done (or haven’t done) and don’t end up doing the work. 

[twinkleallnight]

Marshmallow

(Part-8) Fight or flight

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x MC, Drake x ??

For previous chapters: catch up here

A/N: This fic is my submission for this week’s #WackyDrabbles. The prompt is: ‘Oh? Just once?’ and will appear in bold.

A/N 2: Thank u @ritachacha for helping out and connecting me to @queen-of-effing-everything who gave me a basic idea of the noble houses and further gave a lead and I met @lizzybeth1986 . Lizzy, your essays are amazing. You have helped me with your vast knowledge and It was an enlightening discussion. This chapter wouldn't have been without your inputs.

Music inspo: Connan Gray

Tags: @ao719 @aloneautumn @charlotteg234 @choiceskatie @cordonia-gothqueen @cordonianroyalty @daisydancer12385 @drakewalker04 @gardeningourmet @gkittylove99 @glaimtruelovealways @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful @idontknowwhysblog @islandcrow @jovialyouthmusic @jaxsmutsuo @kingliam2019 @lovablegranny @mrswalkers-blog @mom2000aggie @no-one-u-know @ntoraplayschoices @ritachacha @speedyoperarascalparty @shanzay44 @texaskitten30 @loudbluebirdlover @queenrileyrose @sanchita012 @theroyalheirshadowhunter @wackydrabbles @yourmajesty09

The next few days are spent busy, at the stables. After couple of days, Liam walks in, as I am tending to Brawny in the separate temporary shed, that I got made for the infected horses. I signal him to wait. I change out of my protective clothes and scrub before meeting him outside.

“Welcome back home! So, how did Lythikos treat you?” I know I am beating around the bush, when I am asking it. But I don’t want to hit him straight with the awkward question. I know he is equally in an uneasy position.

“Yes, all well.” He gives me an agonizing stare. “I had a talk with her.” He brings up the inevitable topic. “I think she did it out of desperation and jealousy.”

“It is alright Liam. She is not blind and not a child anymore. She can see where you are inclined.” I let out a sigh, “It’s difficult to read a woman’s mind. I feel sad for the manner in which we are parting ways. Part of growing up, I guess!”

Liam gives out a sigh too and then changes the subject, “Everything under control here?”

“Yes. I reached in time. There were two more horses showing similar signs. Got all three horses isolated. And vaccinated remaining ones.”

“You are good at your job. Even father seems to have blind faith in you, when it comes to vet skills.” He chuckles.

“Thank you.” I smirk thinking of king Constantine. It’s his inherent nature to always doubt and question everyone. “I have to report and update it to him later today. Let’s see what he has to say.”

Liam gives me a friendly pat, and we head to the palace for a quiet lunch together. I get a call from Max soon after we finish our meals. “It’s an emergency. I am sending you the address. Meet me in half an hour.” He sounds serious.

I drive down to the coffee shop, which he mentioned in his text. When I walk in, I find him sitting in the corner booth, his feet tapping on the floor nervously, and his blue eyes scanning the scene around, in a hope to find solution to the problem he is carrying in his mind.

“What’s wrong?” I ask settling down across the table.

“I don’t know. Bertrand doesn’t seem to be interested in giving me the whole story. He thinks I’m still his baby brother.” He rolls his eyes. “All I know is, that the crew we hired for our yacht for the Royal Regatta scheduled tomorrow, has ditched us.”

“It’s just a symbolic boat race and not an actual one with a pressure to win.” I try to lay down the facts.

“But you know Bertrand. He won’t leave any stone unturned to win it. Also, it’s king’s favourite event. He wants that Riley should bag the prize, so that she gets a chance to interact with the king. It is kind of gaining brownie points.

“Hmm." I ponder. "How many members do we need? Let’s count. You and I will be there.”

“You will do that for me?” he says, his eyes widening with a shine.

“I will. If you promise not to crack your stupid jokes during the event.” I warn him. “Who else can be roped in?”

“I don’t want to include anyone else. I don’t know what is wrong with House Beaumont and it’s difficult to explain to outsiders. So, I think just three of us. I hope we will be able to pull through. Will you be okay with that?”

“Yeah, I see no problem there. What about Bertrand?”

“ He is in a bad mood. Angry, sad, frustrated, all at the same time. He should be fine by tomorrow to give us a helping hand.”

We finish discussing all the minor details for the boat race in next hour and then walk out of the coffee shop.

The following day, at the Royal Regatta, I stand on the deck taking in the salty air.

Riley comes and stands beside me. “What are you looking at?”

“I just realised the actual count of suitors for the first time, by the number of boats, of course. I hardly know any of them. For me they are only the names I hear from the conversation with Liam. I should know at least this much, right?”

“Yes, you are his best friend and best friend should know it all.” She says it with a wink.

“Am I missing something?”

“Just that, may be, I am falling head over heels for your friend.” She grins.

“And you are revealing this to me and not him?”

“I don’t want to burden him more. He has too much to handle already. I know, being a crown prince, he cannot open up about his feelings for one particular suitor in the midst of the social season. So, I don’t want to tell him, just yet, lest he gets anxious and tries to spend more time with me. That would put him in a tricky situation.”

I sweep her in a big bear hug. “Oh, Brooks! I am so happy to know that.” I part away and look into her brown eyes, tears of happiness glinting in them. “He is so lucky to have you. That’s all he needed. Someone who understands him, his struggles, his responsibilities.”

I hug her back and whisper in her ears, “Let me give out a secret. He may also be sharing the same feelings.”

“I know.” She says gleefully looking up at me.

“Okay now let me help you enhance your knowledge about my competitors.” She rolls her eyes. “Let’s start from the right.” She points out to the boat lined up in extreme right to us.

The sight is full of colourful sails. Each of these boats have a flag representing their house. The one Riley pointed to, has a black flag with a silver owl on it.

Riley starts “That should be from the duchy of Castelsarreillan represented by Kiara Theron, the future Duchess.” Riley continues.

“Yes, the owl represents their house. Their family has intelligence and art running in their blood. Duke Theron is a very wise man and the Duchess is an artist.” I add on.

“So, you have met him?”

“Once.”

“Oh? just once?” Riley gives me a playful smile.

“Yeah.”

“Kiara is very smart, logical person and a linguist.” Riley elaborates. “Next to her should be her best friend’s boat.”

I observe purple flag with golden waves and a narwhal painted on it. “Portavira.” I blurt out.

“ I guess, it’s the only duchy with a sea port. Penelope Ebrim represents the house. Easy way to identify her is, you will find her talking about her poodles every now n then. You may like her.” She teases me. “She is an animal lover and she is sweet and kind.” She flashes that smile again.

I cut her, “Wait. Are you trying to set me up, Brooks?”

She lets out a laughter. “No, I better not. I can see where your interests lie.” She raises a knowing eyebrow at me, making me blush behind my tough skin.

“Let’s quiz you with the one with green flag.” Riley gestures at the next boat where a green flag with a pine tree on it, flutters.

“Madeliene, right?”

“Yes, the ambitious countess of Fydelia.” Riley fans out her hand. “You must be knowing all about her from Leo’s social season.” She pauses and then claps for the boat next to us. “ And that’s my dear friend Hana as our left side neighbour.”

A pink flag with purple orchids, furnishes Hana's boat. Just then, as on cue, Hana appears on the deck. “Hey there guys!” She waves out. “Time to greet the king at the harbour.”

“Lets go!” Riley jumps up excitedly.

“You proceed. I am better here, away from the crowd. I will wait for you to come back, and then we do our favourite thing together. Race!”

“As it suits you.”

“Just one question. How do you know so much in detail about all the houses in such a little time? A few months back, you didn’t even know where on earth Cordonia is,!”

Riley smiles wide, “Bertrand is my teacher, remember?” she says gazing up at the House Beaumont flag on our boat that shines with its silver sheen, a squid in the centre and the motto embroidered in blue, 'Depths to remember'.

“We didn’t talk about your friend’s, House Nevrakis, but I am sure you don’t need introduction there.” Riley speaks looking at the only boat to our left side.

I shake my head and make myself busy, untangling the wires of my earphones that I plan to put on, till Riley returns and the race begins. She shrugs her shoulder, “Bye! See you in a jiffy!”

“Bye!” I wave out to her and turn to the sea.

Before I could plug in some music, the fluttering of the Nevrakis flag catches my attention. The crimson flag has a flaming sword of steel on it. The motto shines in gold,

‘If you can breathe, you can stand.

If you can stand, you can fight.’

Just then a seagull flies high over the boat, crooning a song for the lonely sea.

I plug in my earphones and the song fills my ears and my mind,

‘Something’s gotten into you

You don’t really look at me the way you used to

And I’m hoping it ain’t true

Every single rumour that I’ve heard of you say……..

It’s time to move,

Fight or flight….

Fight or flight.’

[momentsuspended-intime]

Finding light in the darkness.

*Trigger warning* This post mentions suicide, overdosing, crisis team, alcohol, drug abuse, and other scenarios people may find triggering or offensive. Please proceed with caution.

Don’t be afraid of change, it is leading you to a new beginning. The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow. Every day is a new beginning. Take a deep breath and start again.

Sitting in my living room, empty boxes of codeine surrounding me, this is it I thought, all the pain was going to end. Finally.

I texted my ex, I messaged my friends, all saying goodbye and how sorry I was for causing so much turmoil. I felt broken and defeated, I just wanted it all to stop. My head was racing, I just wanted all these thoughts to stop going round and round my head, was a little peace too much to ask for? Suddenly my Mum entered the room her face was pale. “What have you done?!” she cried, tears streaming down her face. All I could do was look at her and apologise, I had a momentary lapse where I hadn’t considered my next steps. One of my friends had messaged my Mum in a panic; my ex was on the phone, I could hear him crying but I just felt numb.

My Dad then raced into the room “Why would you do this, Victoria?” “Not my baby, please no” Those words will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen my Dad cry, but this was different. In that moment I thought “had I made a mistake?” but I still felt numb. Maybe it was the 60 codeine tablets I took or the adrenaline pumping through my body but all I felt was nothing. It had been like that for weeks now. This empty feeling inside me, like a black hole, sucking out every little piece of love and emotions I had. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I’ll get to that later.

Suddenly I was in the back of an ambulance, ECG hooked up to my body, and I’d spend hours in the hospital, being seen by different Doctors and Mental Health Nurses. My parents were pushing to having me committed. The hospital didn’t do anything; they sent me home and in less than 24 hours I’d be back in the hospital after a second failed attempt at taking my own life. 120 codeine tablets in total over 24 hours. Thank god I’m alive writing this now. I’m not a religious person but I must have someone looking down on me, keeping me safe.

You might be wondering how I got to this point, you see I’ve always known something wasn’t quite right, I could never put my finger on it but I never felt ‘normal’. Whatever normal is anyway. My head had always been a chaotic place for as long as I can remember, I always felt things so intensely, but that was normal right? I never knew any better. I would say goodbye to my ex after a lovely weekend together (he was in the RAF so I only got to see him on weekends) and I would have been crying hysterically, like he was being deployed for 6 months but in reality I’d be seeing him again in 5 days time. Minutes later in my car with music blaring I’d be singing and dancing along to the radio, like the previous few moments never happened. Something that would annoy the average person would make me fly into a fit of rage; my family described it as like walking on eggshells when they were around me. Too scared to say certain things out of fear of how I would react.

Anyway I’m digressing here, but the point is I always knew something wasn’t right with me. So what happened to make me feel so low? I had a week from hell. I’d been fired from my job by e-mail, basically told not to come in the following Monday. I was heartbroken, I was a photographer for a Cigar and Whiskey company, and I’d studied Photography at University. I could do that job in my sleep but that e-mail hit me like a tone of bricks. Later that week I would find out that my Nan had stage 5 terminal kidney disease and a couple days later my boyfriend of 3 and a half years would break my heart. It was traumatic, we’d spent 4 lovely days together and on the Sunday he woke up, looked at me and ended it. Just like that. I still remember the stabbing sensation in my stomach when I instantly knew something was wrong. An hour later I was driving 4 hours back from Buckinghamshire, crying my eyes out, reality had not yet set in and I couldn’t believe this was really happening. I still remember hearing Lizzo on the radio “If he don’t love you anymore, just walk yo’ fine ass out the door”. How ironic.

The day after my stint in the hospital I find myself sat in a room at the Crisis Centre on Northgate Street, waiting to be seen by a Psychiatrist and Mental Health Nurse to discuss what needs to be done. I’m angry, exhausted, confused and want anything but help. One of the Mental Health Nurses looks at me and says, “If you’re going to kill yourself, you’re going to do it anyway”. That was it, I went super saiyan, how dare he say that to me! These people are supposed to be here to help me, I know I didn’t want help at that point but how could someone in authority whose profession it is to support and care for those in a crisis say something so repulsive? That would be one of many unsavoury experiences I’d have with the Mental Health services.

After finally speaking to the manager (I promise I’m not a Karen), we all agreed that at home treatment would be best for my situation and me. Over the next few weeks I would be seen by the Crisis team every day. Every damn day I would have to explain in intricate detail what had happened and how we got to this point. You see with the Crisis team you don’t see the same person every day, they’re all on shifts, so each visit I would meet someone new and be expected to open up to a complete stranger about how I was feeling. When in a crisis a person needs consistency, the chance to build a rapport with someone and to feel like they’re being listened to. Not judged for being in the position I found myself in.

After many visits with a Psychiatrist and members of the Crisis team they came to a conclusion, I didn’t realise just how life changing this revelation would be. I had Borderline Personality Disorder. Suddenly everything fell into place; intense and unstable emotions? Check. Feeling empty and angry? Check. Impulsivity? Check. In total there’s 9 different symptoms for BPD (I’ll cover this in a future post), and I had all 9.

If you’re wondering what Borderline Personality Disorder is exactly then let me give you a brief outline, of course this is one of the most misunderstood and often stigmatised mental health issue a person can have. In simple terms BPD is a condition that affects how you think, feel and interact with other people. People with BPD experience a pervasive pattern of instability, both in the way they view themselves and with interpersonal relationships.

BPD isn’t a fad, it isn’t quirky, it can be soul destroying and it almost cost me my life. Experiencing a break up, losing a job and finding out a loved one is ill was just too much. Just one of those things can cause someone with BPD to lose control, they say things come in threes and for me it was true. To a ‘normal’ person a break up is hard, unless you’re lucky enough to part ways as friends, for me it felt like someone had died. That might sound dramatic but it was true, I didn’t realise but my ex was my FP (favourite person). People with BPD often have a FP, someone they rely on and put on a pedestal, and this person can do no wrong. My problem is my FP broke my heart.

Now don’t get me wrong I know it takes two to tango, I wasn’t a saint but in my defence I didn’t realise I was ill. I was moody, never wanted to spend time with his family, argued over every little thing and I wanted him all to myself. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was obsessed.

I spent the next two weeks at a friend’s house, drinking and getting high. My head was a mess, thoughts racing; I just wanted a moment of calm. I thought I was making myself feel better, trying to forget all the chaos going on in my life but I was just making everything worse. I wasn’t facing these problems head on, I was masking them and I didn’t realise it but things were about to erupt.

During this time I was a train wreck, I was drinking at every moment I could. Taking the dog out so I could nip to the shops and down a bottle or two of Lambrini in the park (how classy, right?). My problem was during this time drinking would make me disassociate; I’d become violent and angry. At one point I found myself in the back of a police van, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet.

I had reached rock bottom, my family stood by me, and god knows why- I gave them every opportunity to disown me and kick me out of the house but they never did and for that I am eternally grateful. I knew something had to change, I HAD to change. I couldn’t keep going on living like this, surly there’s more to life than this?

I decided I would quit drinking and get my life back on track. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but anything worth having in life isn’t. I decided to try and raise money for NSFT (Norfolk and Suffolk Foundation Trust), at this point I had been discharged by the Crisis team and I was now in the hands of NSFT. This is when I met Allison, my Mental Health Nurse and things finally started to change for the better.

I started cycling 30 miles every day, I reached over 500 miles but due to health reasons I had stop. It’s my aim to re-start my little goal and hopefully add to the £250 I’ve raised so far. I started engaging with NSFT; I had weekly meetings with my MH Nurse, Allison and went to Recovery College, learning ways to cope with my diagnosis and my recovery.

During this time I started feeling better, I was given a cocktail of medications such as antipsychotics and anti-depressants and slowly the real me was starting to come out.

2 years on I feel like a completely different person. I’ve rebuilt my relationship with my family; I’m one year sober and living in a beautiful new house. Treatment, medication and personal growth have changed me. Just yesterday my Sister was saying she could finally see the real me, the one that had always been there but just needed some nurturing (and treatment) to help shine through.

I’ve made many mistakes in life, I’m sure you’ll hear more about these in future posts but I decided I wanted to give back and use my experiences to help other people. You see I’ve always felt lost, like I never knew who I was as a person or what I wanted to do in life but I’ve finally found my calling. Last November I enrolled on a course and now I’m studying to become a Mental Health Nurse myself.

During my recovery I found that talking to someone who has lived experience of mental health issues utterly valuable. They understand you in a way no one else does, you have this shared connection. So I decided I wanted to take my lived experience, mistakes I’ve made, everything I’ve learnt over the past two years and try to help someone else that’s going through a Crisis.

I started volunteering at a Mental Health Charity called Together, working with the service users to offer them some support and it gave me a real taste of how it would be to work as a Mental Health Nurse and help someone who really needed it. Unfortunately lockdown hit and I had to stop volunteering.

I’m still working on my online course and hopefully by the end of the year I’ll be a Peer Support Worker and from there I’ll be able to join a course to specialise in Mental Health Nursing. For the first time in my life I have a plan.

What happened to that angry girl, who was moody all the time and argued over every little thing? I can say proudly that she no longer exists. Now I’m confident, happy and feel motivated to get as much out of life as possible. I’ve even started dating again! I’ll occasionally feel my mood flip quite quickly but I’m better at managing it now. Like any other illness you learn to live with it, this time though I’m not letting my diagnosis define me.

My relationship with my family has never been better, of course it’s not easy to forgive and there’s some things you can’t forget but my family have never held the things I’ve done against me. The past two years have been really tough but I’ve learnt a lot about myself as a person and the type of person I want to be. It hasn’t been easy writing this blog post, I wanted to give an honest and raw account of what it’s like to experience the darkest point of your life and what it’s like to rebuild from the ground up.

If you’re experiencing a hard time just know my inbox is always open, you’re not in this alone and I promise you things will get better.

Until next time.

Victoria Jane x

[vampiregirl1797]

Hopeless: Epilogue

Klaus Mikaelson x OC

GIF Not Mine

Warnings: this is over 10,000 words, so get some snacks and a hot cup of chocolate!

Click Here For Masterlist 

Five years after Evangeline returned from the 15th century.

 ‘Bekah, really this is completely unnecessary.’ I tried to reason with her, but I wasn’t surprised when my protests seemed to fall on deaf ears.

 ‘It may not be necessary but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.’ She winked, turning back to the owner of the cute little clothes store we’d found in the centre of the city. She was compelling her to let us have free run of the store, seeing as clothes were limited and she didn’t want to lose out on the perfect outfit to someone else.

 While she did that, I wondered around, absentmindedly looking at the different clothes she had to offer. I had to hand it to her, everything was beautiful and all one of a kind, seeing as she made the clothes herself and only ever made ten of everything. Once they sold, that was it.

‘Find anything?’ I asked Elena when I reached her.

 ‘Oh my--,’ she cut off with a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart.

 ‘Sorry.’ I grinned, amused that after so many years of me being a vampire I could still startle her.

 She shot me a look, clearly not believing my apology but she waved me off anyway.

 ‘You know, I’m surprised I can still startle you with your newfound heightened senses.’ I teased.

 Elena had become a vampire a few years ago, after she had turned twenty. She had given it a lot of thought beforehand, and was content with her decision when she asked Stefan to turn her so that she could spend an eternity by his side. The younger Salvatore had been hesitant, but after my sister assured him that she had done nothing but think about it since she met him, he followed through with her request.

 ‘Well I was too busy wondering if this top would look cute on me.’ She protested, holding up a white and baby pink lace crop top.

 ‘It would not.’ Bekah interjected, sliding up next to me and holding out a similar style crop top but in red, ‘this colour suits your skin tone better.’

 ‘Thank you, Bekah.’ Elena smiled gratefully and put the reject back on the rack before adding the new addition to her basket.

 I smirked in amusement when I realised that Elena had already gathered enough to fill half her basket, while Bekah had enough to warrant moving onto a third while I had nothing.

 Bekah seemed to notice that too, ‘why haven’t you got anything in your basket yet? We only have another hour until we need to be back for dinner and the barbecue is tomorrow!’

 ‘I know,’ I sighed, running a hand through my hair, ‘I’ve never been good at picking out clothes for myself Bekah. I hate shopping.’

 Elena and Bekah gasped dramatically, as if this was news to them, which of course it wasn’t. I rolled my eyes at their dramatics, but a small smile still found its way to my lips.

 ‘Well that’s easy enough. I’ll pick something for you.’ Bekah smiled, already wondering off to the back wall—I imagined she already had something in mind.

 A few years ago, I would’ve tried to stop her, but I knew that she would only pick something that would compliment my figure and my personal tastes. She had a gift when it came to styling people, in any other time she could’ve been an amazing personal shopper. But then again, owning her own clothing line seemed more Bekah’s style.

 ‘So when are Stefan and Damon getting in?’ I asked, following Elena around while she browsed through the other options.

 ‘Tonight after dinner, which sucks but we can all probably watch a movie together.’ Elena replied, the excitement at the prospect of seeing her love leaking into her voice.

 ‘True, though it is Kol’s turn to pick this month. Probably means we’re gonna be stuck watching some gory horror movie.’ I rolled my eyes fondly—the younger Mikaelson loved watching scary movies to mock and point holes in the stories.

 ‘Better than Elijah’s documentary obsession.’ Elena joked. She wasn’t wrong, though. Elijah was fascinated with watching documentaries on anything—the last time it had been his pick, we sat through a two hour movie on how cans were made.

 ‘No arguments here.’ Bekah laughed, adding an armful of clothes to my basket.

 I knew there was more than one outfit choice there, but I also knew better than to argue—she liked to add options for me to choose from, plus anything I didn’t want to wear tomorrow I could just wear some other time.

 ‘Thanks, Bekah.’ I smiled offering her a side hug, ‘you’re a godsend.’

 Bekah snorted, commenting on the fact that no one had ever called her that in a thousand years. She offered me a kind smile though and I knew she was grateful for the compliment.

 ‘Well if everyone’s finished, I’m craving something sweet.’ Elena mused.

 ‘I know just the place.’ Bekah smirked; I could already feel my mouth watering at the prospect of pastries.

 //

 ‘So, how’s being newly married?’ Bekah asked my sister just as I’d taken a huge bit of one of the beignets from the centre of the table.

 My eyes closed in pleasure and I couldn’t help the small moan that formed at the back of my throat from the taste. Heaven.

 ‘Great.’ Elena’s expression visibly lit up, as it always did when she spoke of her relationship with the younger Salvatore, ‘we’re actually thinking about moving to New Orleans permanently. Stefan wants to talk to you guys about it first, just to make sure it’s alright, but hopefully there won’t be an issue. I’m ready to move on from Mystic Falls, and I want to be closer to my second family, seeing as the only ones really left back home are me, Stefan, Damon and Bonnie.’

 It was true; Jeremy and a few of his friends from school had decided to travel the world before committing to a college, and Jenna had moved back to Denver after Jeremy had graduated. The old house was currently being rented out by Jenna being as none of us had the heart to put it up for sale.

 ‘I don’t think that will be a problem, Elena you’re family.’ I assured her with a smile, honestly the thought of her moving to the city filled me with joy, ‘the Mikaelson’s love you like a sister, and Stefan and Nik have the biggest bromance going on, there should be zero issues.’

 ‘She’s right, Lena.’ Bekah assured her, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement—I imagined mine looked the same. The prospect of us all living in the same city all the time was just too wonderful to comprehend. Usually we had to made do with one weekend a month—that was the mandatory minimum for the whole family to meet up, no matter where they were in the world they had to be back for family weekend. Though to be fair, Elena, Stefan and Damon were the only ones who didn’t live in the city permanently, so that rule only really applied to them.

 ‘Do you think Bonnie will come to the barbecue?’ I wondered, sipping my caramel latte as I waited for an answer.

 Bonnie was a somewhat touchy subject for the group. When I’d gathered the courage and will to go back to Mystic Falls to tell my family the truth about what had happened, Bonnie and Katherine were the only two who had an issue. Bonnie because she believed I’d defied the balance of nature by helping break a curse that had been in place for so long, and Katherine because she’d lost five hundred years bound to paranoia and fear.

 It had taken some time, but eventually Bonnie realised that if the curse shouldn’t have been broken, the means to break it wouldn’t have existed. Katherine was more stubborn and even attempted to gather enough firepower from witches, vampires and werewolves to take Klaus and Elijah down. Of course, when they found out whom she wanted them to go up against they immediately backed out, a few even coming to New Orleans to warn the Mikaelsons of the potential threat—they didn’t want to go up against the strongest supernatural army in the world. Which was of course what the Mikaelson’s had built in New Orleans. It was the place that any species could come and live with different supernatural creatures in harmony. They did such a good job ruling it, fairly and with a genuine care for each and every person, that the loyalty they earned from each member of the city was unwavering. That was something Katherine hadn’t realised, until it was too late.

 Klaus and Elijah had sent a few werewolves and vampires for her to “recruit.” Of course, it had been a ploy to lure her to New Orleans and once they had her, they gave her three options:

-       Give up her ploy for revenge and start living her immortal life without a thirst for repentance

-       Let herself be compelled to once again forget why she wanted vengeance

-       Or die.

Her rage had inevitably made the decision for her. After she had been given her options, I had returned to the compound after meeting Cami for a drink at Rousseau’s. My appearance reminded her of her hatred and she’d attempted to attack me immediately, before she could however Elijah had removed her heart while Klaus had flashed to my side, prepared to aid me should I need it. We had both stared at the elder Mikaelson in shock, but he simply dropped her heart and ordered for her body to be burned to ash.

 I still remembered the conversation I’d had with him that night.

 A few months after Evangeline returned from the 15th century.

 I took a deep breath, trying to build up the courage to knock on his door, but I found myself shuffling from foot to foot. I was just about to bolt and return to bed with Nik when the door opened of its own accord.

 ‘Evangeline, is there something I can help you with?’ Elijah’s calm voice tampered a little of my anxiety, as did the absence of anger or sorrow in his eyes. But I didn’t let that fool me completely—I knew just as well as anyone that he was the best at withholding emotions from those closest to him.

 ‘I- I just wanted to apologise.’ I said, clearing my throat as my voice broke.

 ‘Whatever for?’ he gestured for me to enter his bedroom and I took a seat on one of the armchairs he had opposite his bed. Elijah himself perched himself on the foot of his bed, rolling his shirtsleeves up to his elbows as he awaited my response.

 ‘For Katherine. I know you cared for her once, and it’s my fault that nothing happened with her.’ I murmured, suddenly finding myself enamoured with the sleeves of the Henley that I was wearing that happened to belong to my hybrid.

 ‘If I ever cared for Katarina, it was because she reminded me of another life.’ Elijah said, the softness of his voice caused me to look up to him, ‘she reminded me of a time where my biggest worry was competing with my brother to win the affections of a woman who looked a lot like her.’

 ‘Tatia.’ I said, familiar with the story.

 ‘Indeed. When we were human my biggest concerns were trying to win Tatia’s hand in marriage, and protecting my siblings from our brute of a father. Katarina reminded me of that, and as a result caused me to yearn for that simplicity.’

 I nodded, somewhat understanding.

 ‘Of course, that changed when I realised that Niklaus was finding his humanity, due to a mysterious girl from the future.’ Elijah smiled knowingly at me, and I couldn’t help but look down, grateful that I couldn’t blush, ‘you see Evangeline, your appearance in our lives made me yearn for my life in the present. It made me yearn for a time that we could all sit down together as a family and be happy. Happier than we ever were when we lived in that small village in Mystic Falls over a thousand years ago. For the first time in a long time, I was excited by what the future would bring, rather than being consumed with dread over the prospect of witnessing my family commit heinous acts before my very eyes. You saved this family. And for Katarina to come along and try to inadvertently tear that apart, well you know by now… no one hurts my family and lives. And you, Evangeline are just as much a part of this family as I am.’

 I knew that my cheeks were wet with tears but I didn’t care. In a flash I was hugging Elijah and unconsciously soaking his shirt with tears. He hugged me back and I found myself grateful and lucky to have been accepted into the Mikaelson family.

 ‘Thank you, Elijah.’ I murmured against his chest.

 ‘Always and forever, sister.’ He murmured back, placing a chaste kiss to the top of my head.

 Back to five years after Evangeline returned from the 15th century.

 That had been a few months after I returned from the past, and Elijah and I had only grown closer. He was like the big brother I had always wanted, and being accepted into the fold meant that I was also gifted with the huge family I’d always yearned for. I was immensely grateful, being as I’d given up on the idea of a big family when I’d been turned into a vampire. I was lucky, and a day didn’t go by where I wasn’t reminded of that.

 ‘No. She’s accepted everything and I know she understands, but she doesn’t want to be a part of it.’ Elena said, her bright expression dimming considerably at the reminder of her absent ex-best friend.

 ‘I’m sorry sweetie.’ I murmured, squeezing her hand comfortingly.

 ‘It’s okay. It’s her life to live, and she doesn’t want to live it immersed in the supernatural world like we do. That’s her choice and she’s well within her rights to make it.’ Elena murmured, her eyes conveying the sincerity behind her words.

 It sucked, of course it did, but Elena was right. Bonnie was living her life like she wanted to—without vampires, hybrids and werewolves. Elena and I still loved her, but we knew it was just a part of life; some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time before you drift apart and they leave you with the memories you created together.

 //

 ‘Aren’t you ever going to tire of painting me?’ I murmured, partially amused and fond from where I leaned against the doorframe.

 After lunch with my sisters, I’d returned to the compound and after placing my newly acquired clothes into our room, I went to find him. Where I found him wasn’t a surprise; he was in his art studio painting yet another portrait of me. My heart fluttered every time I saw him taking the time to put me onto another canvas; I’d been so overcome with love when he’d shown me the ones he’d painted in my absence that I’d been reduced to a puddle of tears. Nik still had yet to let me hear the end of that.

 ‘How could one ever tire of capturing such beauty?’ he grinned, his eyes sparkling with adoration as he turned to face me. In a flash I was at his side, my arm wound around his waist as I placed a chaste yet passionate kiss to his lips.

 ‘How was your day?’ he asked, pulling me against his chest and winding his arms around my waist.

 ‘Fine. Bekah picked out some clothes for me to wear tomorrow.’ I told him, my hands resting against his chest and my head against his shoulder.

 He chuckled, ‘I don’t know why you go; you hate shopping.’

 I hummed in agreement before adding, ‘but I love spending time with my sisters.’

 ‘Forgive me, I find it hard to imagine why anyone would enjoy Bekah’s company.’ He deadpanned, but broke out into a laugh when I lightly slapped his shoulder in reprimand.

 ‘Elena mentioned that her and Stefan were thinking of moving here.’ I grinned, my hands moving to his shoulders as I leaned back to meet his gaze.

 ‘Is that so?’ he said, his hands falling to my hips as a smile formed on his at the sight of my happiness.

 I nodded, ‘she mentioned Stefan wanted to run it by you all first, but it you’re okay with it then they’re gonna come.’

 ‘Why would we have a problem?’ he mused, his eyes dancing with mirth.

 ‘I think it’s Stefan’s idea to be honest. Just to make sure they’re not stepping on any toes.’ I shrugged, not really understanding the need for permission myself.

 ‘Well I’d never deny them residence here and I doubt anyone else would either, lest they incur your wrath.’ He teased, grinning when I playfully glared at him.

 ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ I said innocently.

 It was true, of course. Over my time with the Mikaelson’s I’d gained a reputation. My temper was known to rival Nik’s when someone threatened or hurt my family. I’d always been protective, and that instinct had only become heightened when I’d become a vampire. And now I had a family that ruled New Orleans, we were bound to attract trouble, which led to my protective instincts rearing their head more often than I was used to. The Mikaelson’s, Nik especially, thought my ability to go from calm to a force that the devil himself would be intimidated by was hilarious. But I couldn’t help it. And I was happy to have found a family that understood and even rivalled my over protective tendencies. I thought back to the first time we’d incurred a threat after Katherine.

 A year after Evangeline returned from the 15th century.

 I woke up to the sun shining on my face, which wasn’t unusual seeing as Nik and I had a habit of forgetting to close the drapes. I smiled when I felt his arms still wrapped around me, his warmth seeping through the shirt of his I was wearing. I rolled over to face him and was unsurprised to see his eyes already open; it was rare that I awoke before him, but even though he woke before me most days, he preferred to stay and hold me until I woke up before he even thought of getting out of bed. I’d asked him about it before and he’d admitted to taking the time to bask in the gratitude he felt for finally being able to wake up with me in his arms. I’d held him tight after that.

 ‘Good morning my love.’ His voice was husky with sleep, and I couldn’t help the small shiver of desire that shot down my spine.

 ‘Good morning my hybrid.’ I murmured back, placing a kiss to his cheek, a wave of adoration washing over me at his bashful smile that always followed me calling him that.

 That became my nickname for him not long after I found him again and he was able to finally reveal that he had broken his curse. At first, the reception had varied from fear to acceptance. Unfortunately the latter opinion was rare; Elena and everyone from back home had accepted it fairly quickly, though I assumed that Elena not needing to die for the curse to be broken was the main reason for that. It took a while for the factions of New Orleans to realise that Klaus being part werewolf as well as vampire made no difference to who he was as a ruler. When they did, the criticism, fear and disgust had dissipated. Though Nik liked to joke that my attitude towards those who criticised him was the main reason for that. I’d started calling him “My Hybrid” because I wanted him to know he had no reason to be ashamed of who he was, and to remind him that I loved every single part of him.

 ‘Do we have any plans today?’ I wondered, nuzzling into his neck, his scent keeping me in a state of contentedness. My eyes were starting to flutter shut again, and I found myself not wanting to fight it.

 ‘Actually, Sophie has contacted Elijah and informed us of a potential threat coming to New Orleans.’ Nik murmured, his lips against my hair.

 ‘Hmmm.’ I said, not really processing his words and placing a kiss onto the side of his neck.

 He chuckled kissing my hair and pulling me tighter against him, ‘I should tell you of all potential threats after you’ve just woken up my love.’

 ‘Hmmm.’ I sighed as his hand starting to move back and forth across my lower back.

 I thought I heard him chuckle again and it made me smile as I fell into unconsciousness.

 //

 Kol and Bekah were doubled over in laughter where we were gathered in the courtyard of the compound. Klaus was laughing a lot less rambunctiously, while Elijah was a lot more reserved, though his amusement was still obvious on his expression.

 ‘I don’t bloody believe this.’ I muttered, shaking my head in exasperation, ‘are you having me on?’

 ‘No my love, we’re not.’ Nik’s dimpled smile eased my embarrassment a little, ‘I told you of the threat three days ago after you woke up. You must have still been half asleep.’

 ‘That’s cheating!’ I complained, slapping his shoulder, ‘you should’ve told me again when I was actually awake.’

 ‘Technically you were conscious.’ Kol pointed out, seeming to have recovered enough to add a comment.

 ‘Obviously not enough.’ I rolled my eyes and ran a hand through my hair, ‘now tell me about this threat.’

 ‘The De Martials are on their way to New Orleans.’ Elijah said solemnly and I nodded, familiar with the story.

 The elder Mikaelson had informed Niklaus over what he had done a few centuries after I’d returned to the future, and Nik had told me a few months ago. Nik had definitely been furious but his rage had subsided when he realised why his elder brother had done what he’d done. It had been around that time that Nik had told his siblings the truth about what happened to their mother. The reactions to that news had varied. Kol hadn’t had much of one, Elijah had already known but Bekah had taken it the hardest. But after some time, she came to forgive him.

 ‘So they want revenge for the time they spent pretending to be you and leading Mikael astray.’ I summarised, the wheels in my head turning.

 ‘I’d imagine so.’ Bekah mused, coming to sit by me on the sofa and stretching her legs out over my lap. Kol came to sit on the other side of me and rolled his eyes at the intrusion of Bekah’s legs on his lap as well, but he didn’t protest.

 ‘Do you think Aurora might have other motivations?’ I asked, internally wincing at the insecurity in my voice.

 ‘If that psychotic bitch comes anywhere near you darling, I can assure you she will be torn limb from limb.’ Kol patted my shoulder for reassurance.

 ‘That’s not what I’m worried about.’ I rolled my eyes and then frowned, ‘why would she be interested in me? I doubt she even knows who I am.’

 ‘Over the years you were not with us, we were subtle and discrete over your existence, but evidently rumours did get out about you.’ Elijah explained, smiling at my wide eyes, ‘your name along with your importance to this family made you somewhat of a legend. Though, no one knew why, or even knew of anyone by the name of Evangeline, so it’s often been dismissed as a rumour.’

 ‘Until now.’ Nik murmured, his eyes on me and shining with concern.

 ‘And Aurora always was the jealous type.’ Bekah sneered.

 ‘I don’t care about me.’ I muttered; my only concern was with my family, ‘you’re basically invincible. If they’re coming for revenge now after all this time, that must mean they have a plan, one that they’re confident will work.’

 ‘We’ve faced many people over our thousand years, all of which intended to end us all, and yet we’re still here.’ Elijah murmured, smiling in assurance, ‘I assure you, this time will be no different.’

 I wished I had his confidence, but I had a bad feeling about this and Nik must have sensed it because he held his hand out to me from where he was sat on the armchair. I shifted Bekah’s legs off me and moved to sit on his lap. His scent soothed my nerves like a balm—I’d always be grateful for how safe Nik’s arms made me feel. Especially in that moment because the absence of anxiety allowed me to think clearly and I had a plan.

 //

 Nik: They’re here. Aurora left a body surrounded by lavender and a scavenger hunt for me to follow.

 Kol: Tristan has made himself known; he’s already got the strix out looking for vampires descended from Elijah.

 Elijah: The witches are preforming the spell now.

 Me: Lucien has just walked into Rousseau’s.

 Bekah: This is an insane plan; I just want that on the record.

 Nik: Now is not the time. Focus.

 Me: If anything bad happens, I just want you to know I love you all.

 I slid my phone into the back pocket of my high-waisted jeans, subtly watching Lucien from where I sat at the bar, while Bekah was blending in with the crowd thanks to a glamour spell a witch had placed on her. My hair was down and wavy, cutting off at the bottom of my spine and offering me some comfort as it covered up the most of my back. The crop top had been Bekah’s idea, it was white, lacy and entirely too revealing but I was looking to gain the attention of Lucien.

 A small smile formed on my lips as I noticed a family of tourists sitting by the window, a mother and father sat across from their twin daughters. They were all laughing and talking, enjoying their meal together. I felt a small wave of homesickness wash over me in that moment. I hadn’t seen my family in almost a year—not since I’d told them the truth about everything. We were still in touch, but I hadn’t seen them in the flesh for ten months, and I realised in that moment that I missed them. It wasn’t as bad as it could be, as I was already surrounded by family, but I found myself wondering if Elena, Jeremy and Jenna would be up for a weekend visit. Though it would be difficult to organise now; Elena was coming up to the end of senior year, Jeremy near the end of Junior, and Jenna was in the middle of writing her thesis. Though I’d heard from Elena that she was thinking of moving back to Denver after Jeremy was done with school. As the youngest Gilbert had already mentioned his desire to travel after he graduated, and with Elena potentially going to collage, Jenna would be in Mystic Falls all by herself. It wouldn’t be the same not having Jenna back home, but I understood her desire to move away being as the life she had before our parents died was in Denver.

 ‘Hello there darling.’ An arrogant sounding voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked to my right to see just the man I was looking for, now occupying the empty seat beside me.

 ‘Hello.’ I forced a smile and hoped the disgust didn’t show on my face. He was sitting far too close and his scent was overwhelming me. He smelled like he’d bathed in cologne and whiskey, it was so bad that I had to make due with breathing through my mouth. A pang of longing to be encased in my Hybrid’s scent overwhelmed me, but I forced myself to focus.

 ‘Now what’s a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?’ He smirked, his breath fanning over my face. If I were still capable of vomiting, I would have in that moment.

 ‘You’ll have to be more specific. In this bar or in this city?’ I was being evasive, but I couldn’t help it.

 ‘This city, of course.’ He said, taking a sip of the drink in his hand.

 ‘I like it here.’ I shrugged, downing the shot of tequila Cami placed in front of me. Apparently seeming uninterested was a sure way to garner his attention, which was exactly what was needed. I leaned forward over the bar to grab the bottle of liquor that Cami had purposefully left within reach.

 ‘I’m starting to as well’ I rolled my eyes when I realised he was checking out my ass and when I fell back into my seat his eyes trailed over my chest. I fought the urge to cross my arms to try and cover up as I poured myself another shot.

 ‘How would you feel about coming back to my place later?’ he asked, his fingers trailing up and down my arm. I assume he mistook my shiver of disgust as pleasure, because his hand moved to my back, trailing up and down my spine and lightly tugging my hair.

 Quick as a flash I held his wrist in mine, before he could react I snapped it like a twig, ‘I think I’d rather set myself on fire.’

 ‘You’re feisty I like that.’ He bit out as he reset his wrist with a click.

 ‘I’m leaving now.’ I huffed placing a hundred on the bar to cover my drinks and tip.

 I shot Bekah a reassuring look before I left. I didn’t have to turn around to know he was following me; his pungent scent assured me he was.

 It shouldn’t have been so simple, but it was. I led him into a trap; witches bought him to his knees while I turned and snapped his neck. After that, he was trapped in a basement with chains and boundary spells, where he would be bled out until the vervain was out of his system. Which shouldn’t take long for how fast the selected vampires were working on him. One down. Two to go.

 //

 ‘Nik?’ I called out as I entered the compound—he should have been back by now and I’ll admit the fact he wasn’t had me feeling both worried and insecure.

 I was about to call him when the scent hit my nose—blood. Most importantly Nik’s blood. I followed it to his art studio—he was in the centre of the room a circle of salt hinting at the boundary spell that was around him. He was shirtless and the dried blood on his torso hinted at how much he had lost. Despite the overwhelming urge to go to him, I forced myself to focus, someone had obviously done this to him, but where were they? I didn’t have to look far. She had her back to me, which hinted at her arrogance—she clearly didn’t perceive me to be a threat. She was staring at one of the portraits Nik had painted of me and hung along the back wall. Her fingers were pressed against the canvas gently at first, and in the blink of an eye her fingers tore through with such force she created a hole in the brickwork. That was when she turned to face me. Her eyes is what stood out to me at first, they were a striking green, seeming to shine brighter due to the red curly hair that draped around her shoulders and down her back. She was dressed in a short and low cut black dress; clearly she’d been intending to impress my Hybrid.

 ‘Aurora I presume.’ I said, unable to keep the venom from my voice.

 ‘You’ve heard of me?’ she seemed to preen with the knowledge.

 ‘Yes, when Nik was recounting his psychotic exes you were the first name out of his mouth.’ I smiled, inwardly cheering when her expression transformed into fury.

 ‘I cannot understand what he possibly sees in you.’ She sneered, walking around me like a shark circling its prey.

 ‘That makes two of us,’ I shrugged.

 ‘I’ll admit I’m disappointed. I expected more fire.’ She said, coming to stand in front of me again, and that was when she revealed a stake, ‘white oak seems a waste on you, but it’ll kill you just the same and to be honest, I rather enjoy the poetry of Nik waking up to see you dead beside him. The pathetic abomination will be so overcome with grief that he’ll be powerless to falling into my awaiting arms. As soon as that happens, I’ll be able to easily convince him to dagger his other pathetic siblings and we’ll live happily ever after as King and Queen of New Orleans.’

 My eyes flashed and before she could comprehend it, the stake clattered to the floor as the snap her wrist made when I twisted it behind her back echoed throughout the room.

 ‘How dare you.’ I growled, unbelievably enraged, picking the stake myself and plunging it into her stomach. She fell to her knees with a cry of pain, her hands moving to the wound when I yanked the wood out.

 ‘How dare you come into this city and threaten my family. How dare you call my Hybrid an abomination? The way I see it, the only abominable creature in this room is you, you psychotic, ignorant, pretentious bitch.’ I snarled, too far-gone in my fury to notice my Hybrid stirring behind me.

 ‘This isn’t your family.’ She protested, albeit a little weekly as I drove the stake through her chest, a mere inch from her heart.

 ‘Yes it is. I love each and every one of the Mikaelson’s, and I’d be damned if I let you threaten one of them, but all of them, including the man I love more than anything? Well you just signed your death certificate.’ With that, my hand punctured her chest cavity, clenching around her heart and tearing it out. I watched with relief and satisfaction as her corpse turned grey, before dropping the organ to the ground.

 I pulled my phone out of my back pocket to send a text to the group chat; pleased to see everyone else had achieved their goals without a hitch.

 Me: Need a witch back at the compound. Aurora has Nik trapped with a boundary spell.

 Elijah: Will bring Sophie now.

 Me: Thanks, Lijah. Glad everyone else is okay.

 Elijah had been with the witches to lure those of his sire line and trap them. Those who already resided in the quarter had been given a remedy that granted them immunity while the spell was being cast. When the strix arrived they would be given the chance to leave Tristan’s leadership or risk death. Tristan himself was trapped much like Lucien in a separate space secured with chains and witchcraft, which is where he would remain until the vervain had been drained and his plan had been compelled out of him. Either way, after that was discovered they would both be dead. The same had been planned for Aurora… before I’d gone AWOL.

 ‘Evangeline.’ I jumped a mile at the sound of his voice, having not heard him come around. When I faced him I was surprised by the intense expression on his face.

 ‘Are you okay?’ I asked, my fingers pressing against the boundary in vein as I tried to reach him.

 ‘I’m fine. A little hungry, but otherwise I’ll live. I managed to secure the location of the white oak from her mind before she incapacitated me.’ He smiled softly, ‘I already sent the location to Kol, I’m sure he’s taken care of it by now.’

 ‘Then why do you look so… astounded?’ I wondered.

 ‘Because watching you defend our family, and defend me has got to have been one of the most erotic things I’ve ever seen.’ He told me honestly.

 I blinked in surprise before letting out a laugh, him joining me. Though I knew he was being sincere due to the lust in his eyes, which seemed to grow as his eyes roamed over my outfit.

 ‘I’ll take it your part of the plan was successful?’ he wondered.

 ‘Yes, though I feel like I need to scrub every inch of my body. Lucien is a pig.’ I informed him honestly. There were no secrets between us.

 ‘What did he do?’ Nik growled, his eyes flashing protectively.

 ‘He touched my arm and back, pulled on my hair and leaned way too close. Not terrible when you say it aloud but he made me feel really uncomfortable. But it doesn’t matter now.’ I waved it off, ‘once he’s had the vervain drained from his system and whatever plan they had in place is revealed he’s dead. At the rate they were draining him, I can’t imagine it would take long.’

 This seemed to soothe him somewhat, but I could see him itching to hold me, his wolf needing to make sure I was indeed okay. Thankfully in that moment, Elijah walked through the door, Sophie following closely behind him. The elder Mikaelson raised a brow at the dead De Martial on the floor in confusion, looking over and pursing his lips in amusement when I hid my bloodied hand and the stake behind my back.

 ‘I don’t remember killing her being a part of the plan,’ Elijah commented as Sophie got to work.

 ‘I know. My temper might have gotten the best of me.’ I winced like a child about to be reprimanded by their parents.

 ‘She defended us brother. Aurora intended to kill her and use my grief to manipulate me to dagger you all and allow her to rule beside me.’ Nik explained, amused by my timid behaviour.

 ‘I couldn’t help it. I’m protective of my family, and of Nik, she threatened all of that.’ I pursed my lips, glancing down to her body, ‘she was one crazy bitch.’

 Nik laughed loudly and the sound bought a smile to my lips, relieved that at least he wasn’t pissed at me for messing with the plan. A glance at Elijah and the amusement on his expression assured me he wasn’t all that mad either. I felt the tension in my shoulders ease.

 ‘She had white oak though,’ I revealed the stake and handed it to the older Original, ‘Nik sent Kol to collect the rest.’

 Elijah nodded, some tension easing from his expression. In that moment Kol entered the room, grinning so widely I was surprised when his face didn’t split in half.

 ‘The white oak is gone. Apparently they gathered it from the wood made to construct a bridge and sign in Mystic Falls. Ironic, but alas I has all burned to ash.’ He said, practically bouncing with happiness at his success.

 ‘Excellent. Well done brother.’ Nik said, his expression conveying the sincerity behind his words. Kol’s expression softened under Nik’s praise and I couldn’t help but smile at the strong bonds they all now shared—My Hybrid had told me of Kol’s feeling of being left out of the family and so moments like this reminded me of how much they’d all overcome.

 Kol nodded, a soft smile aimed at his older brother before he accepted a hug from Elijah and then me. When I pulled away, he frowned at the dried blood on my hand and forearm.

 ‘Don’t ask.’ I said before he could inquire.

 Kol looked over to Nik who grinned and nodded in answer to his silent question: he would tell him later.

 ‘It’s all done.’ Sophie announced, but before she could even get up from the floor I found myself surrounded by Nik’s warmth and his scent.

 All of the tension eased of my body, and I felt Nik relax too as his face nuzzled into my neck and took in my scent, now assured that I was in fact okay.

 ‘You two are too cute.’ Bekah commented, I noted that she had her own voice back, which meant the glamour had been removed, but I didn’t lift my head to look.

 I hummed in contentment as Nik’s hand moved back and forth at the bottom of my spine, while his other hand rested at the centre of my back, his thumb moving back and forth comfortingly. The warmth his arms and hands emitted would never fail to make me feel safe and home. One of my hands were moving through the curls on his head, while the other rested against his chest, playing with the collection of necklaces that laid there. I was so contented and relaxed that I almost forgot where we were and what had happened when—

 ‘Why is Aurora dead?’ Bekah asked.

 Nik laughed and I hid my face in his chest, embarrassed and already aware that I would never live this down.

 //

 Back to Five years after Evangeline returned from the 15th century.

 ‘Come on, Kol!’ Bekah complained from one of the love seats—Nik and I occupied the other.

 ‘It’s my choice, Bekah. You think I wanted to watch that god-awful romance movie you picked last month? No. But did I complain?’ his question was intended to be rhetorical but I answered anyway.

 ‘Excessively.’ I deadpanned, chuckling with the others.

 ‘Well—I didn’t complain as much as I wanted to.’ He said, as if that were a solid argument. I rolled my eyes and settled further into Nik’s side, my head resting on his chest. His arm was wrapped around me and he was tracing random patterns on my arm. I sighed in contentment, knowing that if he kept that up with how warm and relaxed I was, I wouldn’t see ten minutes of this movie.

 ‘Then Bekah can complain just shy of how much she wants to, and you’ll have to take it.’ Marcel pointed out, laughing at Kol’s affronted expression.

 ‘Can we just get this over with? The sooner it’s on, the sooner it can be over.’ Elena mumbled, a blanket wrapped around her, that and her husband’s arms around her providing her with protection from the zombies that Kol was subjecting us to. She was sat on the far end of the couch, Stefan to her right, Kol to his right and Damon on the other side of him. Bekah and Marcel were sat on the armchair; the female Mikaelson basically sat on her husband’s lap.

 ‘Come on, you’re a vampire. If zombies were running around in this world, they’d be no match for any of us.’ Damon smirked smugly from his seat next to Kol.

 ‘You don’t know that. What if a zombie bite affected us? If we also became zombie’s I’d hate to spend an eternity like that.’ Elena argued, pointing to the zombie that was now on the screen.

 Instead of arguing, Damon shushed her, reaching for a handful of popcorn where the ridiculously huge bowl rested on Kol’s lap. I busied myself with the chocolate Eminem’s I’d commandeered, occasionally feeding some to Nik as I munched away.

 I reached over to the arm of the chair for one of the blood bags we’d bought over to sustain us through the movie. I opened the cap and drank a few sips before offering some to my Hybrid, when he was finished I recapped it and placed it back where I’d grabbed it. I sighed softly, not interested in the movie in the slightest. But I knew this was the whole point of movie night, it wasn’t simply to watch; it was an opportunity to spend time together. Glancing around I noticed that Bekah and Nik were also unimpressed, Elena was terrified, while Kol, Damon, Marcel were overly amused by what passed as a horror movie.

 I shifted in Nik’s arms so my head now rested on his shoulder, I faced his neck, not bothering any further with the terrible acting on the screen and started to play with the collection of necklaces around his throat. A small smile always formed on my face when my fingers connected with the only metallic one he wore—the locket I’d given him all those centuries ago. He’d tried to return it to me, but I insisted he wore it, liking that a part of me was always with him on the rare occasions I couldn’t be. In return he’d gifted me with his necklace that bore the Mikaelson crest. It had originally hung from a leather cord but he’d had it transferred to a silver chain and I wore it around my neck, happy to have something that reminded me of him for always.

 ‘Bored there my love?’ He murmured, to quiet to be heard by anyone else over the T.V.

 ‘While I’m in your arms? Never.’ I grinned as his chuckle, placing a kiss to his pulse point.

 ‘Do you ever think about getting married?’ Nik asked and I blinked at the question.

 I leaned up, my hands resting against his face so I could take in his expression. He looked curious, yet slightly nervous.

 ‘I used to all the time when I was human. Had my perfect wedding all planned out. But it was something I gave up on when I became a vampire.’ I told him honestly.

 ‘Why?’ he wondered, reaching up to brush some hair behind my ear.

 ‘Because I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to spend an eternity with me. I could barely imagine sixty years, but forever? It just seemed impossible.’ I murmured.

 ‘What about now?’ he seemed tentative, which was rare for him and I couldn’t help but instinctively move a hand to his hair, knowing that it soothed him.

 ‘Is that your way of proposing?’ I teased, trying to ease his nerves.

 He grinned, leaning up and pecking my lips before falling back to the love seat, ‘I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.’

 The sincerity in his expression caught me off guard, but my surprise quickly faded to delight, ‘really?’

 He nodded, relieved by my excitement, ‘I even have a ring. I was planning on a romantic dinner with just the two of us, ending with me asking you.’

 ‘That sounds like quite the proposal.’ I commented, my hand gently moving back and forth against his jaw, ‘why mention it now?’

 ‘My love, patience has never been my strength. I’ve waited so long to have you back in my arms and I can’t keep putting off making you mine because I’m waiting for a perfect moment. Every moment with you is more perfect than I ever could have imagined, and certainly more perfect than I deserve. I love you Evangeline, with everything that I am. Spend an eternity with me. Marry me.’ He said, softly wiping away the tears that had fallen down my cheeks.

 ‘Okay,’ I was sure my tears didn’t dampen the pure happiness that I could feel radiating from my face. Nik captured my lips, kissing me with a softness and tenderness that made my heart flutter in my chest.

 ‘I love you.’ I told him, my voice barely above a whisper, but his soft smile assured me that he’d heard me.

 ‘I love you too.’ He replied as I settled against his chest again.

 I drifted off to sleep there, surrounded by our oblivious family and in the arms of the man I loved.

 //

 Five years and six months after Evangeline returned from the 15th century.

 ‘You look beautiful.’ Jenna said, dabbing away the tears in her eyes with a tissue.

 I smiled at her from where I was sat, getting my hair curled by one of the professionals Bekah had hired for all of us.

 ‘Thank you Aunt Jenna.’ I winked.

 ‘If you’re this emotional now, you’re gonna be done for when she puts on the dress.’ Elena teased, winding an arm around Jenna’s waist.

 They had all gotten ready before me so they (mainly Bekah) could assure everything else was going to plan everywhere else. The female Mikaelson was currently checking on the boys and making sure they were finished, honestly I was so grateful for her. If it hadn’t been for her input, I doubt we could’ve pulled off the wedding I’d been dreaming of since I was a little girl.

 ‘I know, I just keep thinking about your Mom and Dad and how proud they would be right now.’ She said, barely squeezing out her words before the tears started streaming again.

 ‘They are here, Jenna. Maybe not in body but definitely in spirit.’ Elena assured both our aunt and I. I offered her a grateful smile, my eyes flicking over to my bouquet of red and white roses I would be holding while walking down the isle—my mom and dad’s favourite flowers. It had been Nik’s idea and I’d loved it.

 ‘You’re right.’ Our emotional aunt nodded, seeming to steel herself as she dabbed her eyes one last time before securing her tissue in her bra. Elena and I shared an amused glance.

 ‘You both look beautiful by the way.’ I complimented them.

 I had chosen Elena as my maid of honour, with Bekah and Jenna being bridesmaids. Each wore a deep purple A-line styled dress made of chiffon material. This colour matched the ties of the groomsman, aside from Nik’s—his would be white. The dress cut off just below the knee, revealing the black platform shoes each of them wore. I had encouraged them to choose how they wanted to wear their own hair and was surprised when they’d all agreed on one hairstyle for them all. Their hair had been curled, with the front being pinned back to the backs of their heads with a jewelled clip that matched the deep purple of their dresses. They looked stunning.

 ‘Not as beautiful as you’re going to look.’ Bekah commented as she re-entered the room, looking moderately relieved.

 ‘What’s up?’ Lena asked.

 ‘Nik’s pacing a hole in the floor from his room. It amazes me how quickly his paranoia grows the longer he’s separated from you.’ She shook her head in amazement, moving over to the mirror to unzip my dress.

 ‘Well maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if someone hadn’t made us sleep apart last night.’ I muttered, already reaching for my phone.

 ‘It’s bad luck to see the groom before the wedding!’ Bekah protested, frowning when she saw me walking towards the bathroom, ‘what are you doing? You need to put your dress on, the ceremony starts in ten minutes!’

 ‘I’ll be two, I promise.’ I smiled reassuringly and closed the door behind me, finding Nik’s contact and clicking it before bringing it to my ear.

 It rung once before he answered, ‘Evangeline.’ He murmured; his voice already sounding a little more relaxed.

 ‘Hello my gorgeous Hybrid and soon to be husband.’ I answered brightly, smiling at the sound of his chuckle, ‘what’s this I hear about you being paranoid?’

 ‘It’s nothing, my love. Just my self depreciating voice rearing it’s ugly head and telling me that I don’t deserve you.’ He said, his voice more sombre now.

 ‘Nik, you are the strongest, sweetest, smartest, funniest, sexiest and most talented man I’ve ever known. So you tell that voice inside your head to shove it because you’re an amazing man and I promise to keep reminding you of that fact for eternity.’

 ‘Thank you, my love. You always know what to say,’ he said, his voice soft.

 ‘You’re welcome, we all need reassurance sometimes, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.’ My voice was as gentle as his.

 ‘I can’t wait to marry you.’ I could sense his smile on the other side of the phone.

 ‘Right back at you my Hybrid.’ I grinned, ‘speaking of I should put my dress on before Bekah has an aneurism. I’ll see you soon.’

 ‘That you will, my love.’

 I hung up the phone and exited the bathroom, handing my phone to Jenna while Bekah and Elena helped me step into my dress. I had surprised everyone with my determination to choose my own wedding attire, which was fair seeing as any other clothing trip ended with me leaving it to Bekah. But I’d had a very specific dress in mind for my wedding day and I was overjoyed with the end result. It was a ball gown dress with a three-foot train; the bodice had a lace overlay that extended on sheer material to my arms. There were hundreds of diamonds scattered all over that twinkled when they caught the light just right. The veil that was clipped into my hair was also decorated with lace and hung all the way down to the floor. I was wearing my Mikaelson necklace, which I’d been sure to pull from underneath my dress, displaying the crest proudly where it rested on my chest. My hair was curled; the front pinned back similarly to the girls’ but mine was secured with the clip of my veil. My made up was natural; my lips painted with a deep red lip stain that matched the roses I’d be carrying perfectly.

 ‘You look radiant.’ Bekah said, tears forming in her own eyes.

 ‘Don’t, you’re gonna make me cry.’ I warned.

 ‘We can’t have that, you’ll ruin your make up and you look perfect.’ Elena nudged Bekah playfully.

 A knock on the door broke us out of our conversation; Elena answered the door to reveal Elijah. His expression became soft when he saw me, his own eyes glassing over as emotion overcame him.

 ‘Sister, you look… wonderful.’ He murmured.

 I hugged him, ‘thank you Lijah.’

 ‘Well, it’s time.’ Bekah announced, shooing the other bridesmaids out of the room, ‘remember walk down the isle when you hear the wedding march.’

 ‘We know Bekah.’ I chuckled, my arm linking through Elijah’s as we followed them.

 I had asked him to walk me down the isle because I couldn’t imagine anyone else doing it. Elijah had become the best big brother I could have ever hoped for, and it seemed wrong to be given away by anyone else. Of course, Nik had also asked him to be best man, so after he’d delivered me to the end of the isle, he would take his place in between Nik and Kol. I took a deep breath as we reached the entrance to the ballroom; we were getting married at a house Nik had built in Mystic Falls long before I had even been born. He wanted to have a house where we could live when I wanted to visit my home, and a place that he could stay in to reminisce about the village he’d lived in when he was human. He’d built this house on top of the same place he’d resided all those years ago. When he’d told me that, it seemed to be the perfect location; the town where I’d grown up, where my parents were born and buried, and the village he’d spent time with his family before they’d become vampires. It held a lot of nostalgia and meaning for the both of us, and I knew then that this is where we could become husband and wife.

 ‘Are you ready, sister?’ Elijah murmured, turning to me as the march started.

 I nodded, unable to keep the smile off my face as I followed Elijah’s lead down the isle. I’ve never felt more love and happiness than I did in that moment, surrounded by those I loved, and the man I loved more than anything. Those invited had been kept to a bare minimum. Nik had most of his friends as groomsmen: Marcel, Stefan, Kol and Elijah were all stood up there with him, while on my side stood Jenna, Bekah and Elena. Other than that, Damon, Jeremy, April (he’d asked to bring her as his guest), Sophie, Josh, Cami, Finn and Freya all sat in white wooden chairs as the audience.

 Freya had been a surprise to the Mikaelson’s not long after Nik had proposed. She’d popped up explaining that their aunt Dahlia had kidnapped her and cursed to spend a hundred years sleeping to every year of life. That had been a close fight that involved another time travel spell for Esther’s blood and a few other ingredients, but we defeated her and Freya was free and connecting with the family she’d yearned to know for centuries. Finn was a different story. He’d been undaggered after Nik had tracked down Sage, who’d been his long lost love nine centuries ago. After their reunion, they’d departed and we hadn’t heard a word from him until Freya popped up and he came to the compound to visit her. Even during those visits he’d only really spoken to his eldest sister. Still, we’d extended a wedding invitation to him seeing as he was technically family. But I’ll admit I was stunned by his attendance; I suspected Freya had something to do with it. Though I was unsurprised that Sage hadn’t come; her and Nik had apparently never gotten along.

 After my eyes had quickly glanced over those present they fell and remained on the most important one of all. My Hybrid was positively beaming with happiness, the same kind that I was sure he could see on my face. The kind of elation that you felt at the prospect of marrying your best friend, your confidant, your lover… your person. His gorgeous blue eyes were glassed over as he fought to hold back his tears, I want as strong however, my tears having long fallen onto my cheeks. Bekah would have a fit, but I didn’t care. Elijah took my hand and placed it in Nik’s and just like that, I was home. My fingers entwined with his as we faced the man we’d chosen to officiate our marriage.

 ‘We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in matrimony.’ I couldn’t help but tune out what he was saying, too lost in Nik’s eyes to worry about anything else.

 ‘I believe you have written your own vows?’ I startled at the question, and nodded.

 ‘Nik, before I met you, I had given up on the idea of marriage, of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. When I was human, it seemed plausible, as sixty years doesn’t seem as daunting as an eternity. But suddenly faced with the prospect of forever, I couldn’t imagine finding anyone who would love me enough to want to be tied with me for eternity. Then I met you. We might have first gotten of on the wrong foot,’ we all shared a chuckle at that, ‘but I fell in love with you so fast that it scared me. I’d never felt so much so fast before, but before I could get too lost in my own insecurities, you told me that you loved me too. Not with words at first, but in the way you protected me, the way that you touched me and the way that you looked at me. From that moment all those years ago, I couldn’t picture a future without you in it, and now I can’t wait to spend eternity with you as your wife.’ I gently wiped away the tears that had fallen onto his cheeks before grasping his hands in mine again.

 ‘Evangeline, I’ve been on this earth for a long time, and for a majority of it I was a man I’m not proud of. As a human, I was berated and beaten for no reason other than my father’s unexplainable hatred of me. When I became a vampire and my werewolf side was revealed, I was more of an outsider then I had ever been. I learned to be ashamed of who I was, because that is what my mother inadvertently told me when she cursed my werewolf side into dormancy. This created a man whose insecurity and fear manifested itself as anger and aggression. I believed I didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone. I became a monster, pushing away those closest to me until I believed they hated me too. I belittled anyone who showed emotion, when deep down I envied them for being brave enough to love, to adore, to laugh, and to be happy. I spent centuries taking the fate of my sibling’s into my own hands, because while I knew they hated me, I loved them and I couldn’t tamper my protective instincts when it came to their safety. They perceived it was out of spite or superiority and I let them believe it because it was easier to accept their hate than their love. But then I met you. You came into my life and within two minutes you’d already, albeit unwillingly, revealed your plans to kill me.’ I chuckled with him, my tears falling steadily down my face, ‘but despite the obvious threat, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you. When you offered a plan to help me I was grateful that it meant I didn’t have to come up with an excuse myself. Your light, your kindness to a man who you only knew to cause you pain drew me in. You bought out my humanity without effort and I found myself overcome with my love for you, with my protectiveness and adoration. You accepted me for who I was, you made accepting your love and returning it effortless. You made me realise that I deserved to be loved.’ He took a breath, gently wiping the tears from my cheeks and smiling when I leaned into his touch. ‘I vow that for the rest of eternity, you will never doubt how much I love you, Evangeline.’

 My hands squeezed his gently as we shared a smile.

 ‘The rings?’ The officiate asked.

 I turned and took Nik’s ring from Elena, while Nik retrieved mine from Elijah.

 After we exchanged ‘I do’s,’ Nik pulled me in for a passionate kiss and just like that, we were married. The idea of an eternity with one person may have scared me once. But that was before Nik. That was before I’d met the one person in the world who seemed to understand me better than I understood myself. He was my rock, my Hybrid, and as long as he was by my side the prospect of forever was anything but daunting.

[mychemicalficrecs]

Coffee shop au or restaurant au?

Sure! I didn't try to make this Frank/Gerard only, but it did kind of end up like it...

Coffee Shop and Restaurant AUs

Buy Handmade by jjtaylor, Frank/Gerard, 40k, Mature. He knows something else is going to happen; his life isn't always going to be this. He just doesn't know what has to happen for that change to come, for him to wake up and become an artist with an Etsy page and a home studio, and to never have to see a cubicle again.

A Latte and a Cookie by mistresscurvy, Frank/Gerard, 3k, Explicit. The first half a dozen or so times that Gerard stops by the Starbucks closest to SVA, he's so desperate to get the caffeine into his system he doesn't even notice the guy behind the counter. Nor does he pay much attention to the fact that his cup seems to magically refill itself a couple of times while he's hunched over one of the tables and drawing steadily, his headphones on. He's busy, okay — his winter project is due in less than six weeks, and he is screwed. Royally, completely and without question. The cookies, though. The cookies he notices. He just doesn't know what the fuck they mean.

Pleathermouth Vegan Cafe by jedusaur, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Mature. Pleathermouth Vegan Cafe, says the sign in front of the next place on Gerard's job-seeking list, and he decides that it may be prudent to finish his cheeseburger before entering.

Vanilla Chai by frerarcl, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Teen And Up Audiences. Frank loves his job for a few reasons: free coffee, he gets to pick what music plays, his salary isn't shit. Oh, and not to mention that hot guy who keeps coming in who created a cartoon. That guy's the best part.

Click by gerardtouchedthebutt, Frank/Gerard, 7k, Explicit. Frank looked up at him and raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. “I missed that... That click you need to get with some people you know?” Gerard nodded and smiled a little. “I know what you mean about that click. That’s really important to feel if it’s gonna work I guess.”

Thank You for the Coffee by AnnieMallistic, Frank/Gerard, 20k, Mature. It's 1999, Gerard Way's final year at college, and he's hurriedly trying to finish up all of his art assignments, searching for somewhere he can concentrate to do his work. That place ends up being a cafe in which Frank Iero is working, trying to rebuild his bank account after his dreams fell apart and left him both broke and directionless.

#168- Push a raisin into the center of someone's cream-filled donut by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. Frank works at a coffee shop and Gerard is his new co-worker.

Foam Heart by lovebashed, Frank/Gerard, 1k, General Audiences. Frank and Gerard flirt over coffee.

Lighter by arainbowofsorts, Frank/Gerard, 13k [WIP], Not Rated. You can't blame Gerard for his lack of sociability. It wasn't his fault, really. Anyone who knew him personally could agree with sensible certainty that Gerard Way gets lost. Truly, he gets lost in the routine of his life, as comfortable and as familiar as the back of his hand. Strangely enough, it only takes one person, a person who had always really been there slipping under Gerard's radar, to break his trance irreversibly. That person is named Frank.

Coffee's For Closers by KobraKid4life, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. Frerard coffeeshop AU. It's supposed to be fluffy and stuff so enjoy ...

Gold Sharpie Promise by phylocalist, Frank/Gerard, 20k, Explicit. The Starbucks just down the street of Gerard's apartment is no strange place to him, neither is the people that work there. Apparently, though, he is a stranger to their barista, who always keeps getting his fucking name wrong. or The tale of the freelance artist that spends 99% of his time at Starbucks, the barista he hates, and how he stops hating him.

A Grande Frappe-Fuck Me? by fvckmefrankie, Frank/Gerard, 3k, Explicit. Okay, this had to have been the prettiest guy Frank had ever seen and he immediately wanted to get on his knees for him.

What the fuck, Mikey by the_big_pie_number1, Frank/Gerard, 2k, General Audiences. Gerard hated that fucking coffee place. He hated that the coffee was so rich and refined, he hated that the cakes and pastries were freshly made and tasted absolutely divine, he hated how the shop always made his clothes smell like coffee, he hated that whenever he was in it was almost always quiet and peaceful, and he especially hated -- nay, loathed the beautiful, perfect, tattoo covered barista, who always knew exactly how Gerard liked his coffee.

sweet tooth by etselec, Frank/Gerard, 3k, General Audiences. “Dude, who the fuck is that?” “What?” Mikey asked, pumping caramel messily into a cup. Gerard sighed, grabbing the mug from Mikey and finishing the rest of the order. He clamped a top over the cup and handed it to the customer. “That guy I just served over there. He was hot.” Mikey craned his neck to look over the counter. “You mean Mr. Hand Tattoos over there?”

Coffee is Better With You by za112, Frank/Gerard, 7k [WIP], Explicit. Gerard is a barista who hates his job, but continues to do it to support his five year old daughter and see the regulars that make his day better. Frank is in a band with no responsibilities, looking to settle down. This summary sucks but I'm trying to motivate myself to keep writing this thing, so like read and I'll give you chapters.

In the Chair by the Window by xobands, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Not Rated. Today your barista is: 1. Hella fucking gay 2. Desperately single. For your drink today I recommend: You give me your number.

Coffee Flavored Kisses by three_cheers_for_sweet_frerard, Frank/Gerard, 8k, Explicit. Frank knows this boy. Okay, so ‘knows’ is too strong - he goes to the same coffee shop as this boy, and maybe Frank stares at him just a little too much. A lot. Frank stares at this boy a lot.

There Is Just One Thing I Need by Honestmouse, Ray/Mikey, 13k, Teen And Up Audiences. Just a short, sweet one shot about Mikey Way and Christmas time. Except wait, life isn't exactly a Hallmark movie. Mikey could tell you that first hand. Life isn't just kisses in the falling snow and sugary sweets. Sometimes, your gift on Christmas isn't the newest band merch or a nice gift card. Sometimes... sometimes that gift is a person.

Pull by falter, Frank/Gerard, 7k, Not Rated. College is a hell of a lot easier with a steady supply of decent coffee. Too bad that's not what Frank's getting.

Better Latte Than Never by suicider00m, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Not Rated. Gerard drinks too much coffee (not that Frank is complaining).

The Happy Barista by obsessivechild, Frank/Gerard, 3k, General Audiences. A positive attracts a negative.

Concert lights by Rockysucks05, Frank/Gerard, 4k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. Frank Iero works at the Way restaurant with his friend Ray. He works the Way's party for the first time and meets his friend, Mikey's brother who wants to start a band.

Catch Me When I Fall by BasementVampire, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Explicit. Restaurants aren't always the safest working environment, and Frank and Gerard learn that firsthand.

PRINCESS by cellphonecharm_au, Frank/Gerard, 17k [WIP], Explicit. Some people have skeletons in their closets. Some people have multidimensional parasitic ghosts in their closets. The rumor mill has chewed Frank up and spat him back out, and even though Gerard's got some ideas, he's not going to ask about the bruises, or the bleeding, or the unidentifiable pills Frank is taking, or even the gun he sometimes keeps under his pillow. He'll wait for Frank to bring it up.

Milkshake by destroya_ah_ah, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Explicit. “Ew, how did it get on here?” Frank complained, peeling his shirt away from his front with a huge line of shake down the centre. “Do you mind doing this too?” He asked, still pressing the damp cloth just above the knee of his jeans.

[looselucy]

Epilogue

August 22nd – Harry’s POV Thirteen years of living with her, and I still wasn’t quite accustomed to how it felt to wake beside Alfie every morning.

Each day was met with this quiet elation, especially when I was lucky enough to wake up first, watch her peacefully slumbering. I would simply lay on my side and embrace those few moments of harmony, playing with her hair and not taking my eyes off her for even a second. It was exactly how I’d wanted to spend my Monday morning. It had been how I’d spent most of my mornings for thirteen long years. I’d only been back in Rosebury for three months before I asked her to move in with me. She had been adamant that we take things slowly, go about things as though it was a brand-new relationship, but I wanted to live with her so badly. She was round at mine most of the time anyway, so to me it had made sense to just ask. And though she said no the first time I asked, after a few more months of practically begging her, she moved into the home I had initially bought for my mother, and we made it our own just in time for Christmas. Thirteen years and I was still in awe of how it felt to wake in our bed, to know I had a life with her. I leaned into her, placing the softest kiss I could upon her lips in the hope of not waking her, but as I pulled away, I noticed there was a smile on her face, proving that I hadn’t quite managed it. She opened her eyes, the morning light unforgiving as she blinked in the new day. “Morning.” Her voice was sweet, fractured. “Morning, Fee. Happy Birthday.” “Oh shit. It’s my birthday?” She whined, turning her head into the pillow. “Yep.” I chuckled. “Another year older, still as beautiful as you were the very first time I saw you.” “What, in my neck-brace?” She looked at me again and laughed. “Well it’s not hard to be, is it?” “Fair point.” I snickered. “You still looked good though.” “You talk shit.” “M’serious!” She didn’t have to believe me because I knew it was true. Even with her neck-brace and her gym-wear on, nothing could have covered how beautiful she was. She caught my eye so quickly, and I knew she’d always thought that was because I’d spotted her injury, but I wasn’t sure that was entirely to blame. She went all shy, rushing to give me a peck on the lips before she went back into hiding, burying her pink cheeks into the duvet. “You should’ve stayed asleep. M’gunna make you breakfast in bed.” I said. “Hm.” She didn’t seem too impressed by the gesture. “What?” I queried as she revealed herself to me again. “Y’know what’s better than breakfast in bed?” She smiled. “Cooking breakfast with you.” That’s what I loved about her and our relationship. There was always this sense of teamwork, solidarity, cooperation, support. There was no more give than there was take on either end, we simply worked together as a unit and that was what made us happy. She knew that she’d get more pleasure from spending her time making breakfast with me than she would simply receiving the breakfast. There was more to gain that way. “Alright, let’s make breakfast together then.” “Kiss me first.” She demanded sweetly. “You needy thing.” I hushed, leaping to lay my body on top of hers and kiss her the way she deserved to be kissed; with every ounce of strength and love I had in me. It felt incredible to see her so bright, so happy. I could feel the way she smiled as I kissed her, something I didn’t think I could ever tire of. Every day with her felt exciting. We were settled with one another and our lives together, that much was clear, but there was an exhilaration there that I was confident would never fade. Maybe it was partly to do with the fact we’d lost each other at one point, like there was an appreciation there, an awareness of what life was like without the other, how bland and meaningless. Or maybe that’s just what happens when you’re with the right person. Maybe real love never loses its light. I kissed her until she was breathless, then swiftly I clambered off her, smirking and watching her whilst I grabbed our dressing gowns from the back of the door, throwing hers over her happy little face before putting mine on and fastening it tight. “C’mon then!” “Okay, I’m up, I’m up!” She cried, throwing herself out of bed and putting her gown on before she started chasing me out of the room. She caught up to me and grabbed at my hand, rearranging my fingers so that she could slot her own between them, my stomach still leaping due to the contact. Thirteen years, and my body still burst with giddy glee at the most minor of touches, everything from hand holding to how she would sometimes search for me in her sleep, her mind trapped in dreams and her physical form finding me, as though I was the embodiment of her subconscious fantasies. I loved the life I’d built with her. After she’d moved into our home, we spent some time debating over what we should do with her old apartment above the shop, and we’d eventually realised that our best option was to turn it into a gallery. I kept my most precious pieces there, the few I didn’t want to sell, and people would travel to Rosebury to see them, wander up into that small space and immerse themselves in what I regarded as my favourite pieces. It was a wonderful space. I still painted and Alfie still worked in her shop when she could, and other than those times where I’d need to travel for work, we spent most of our time together. Whenever we were apart it physically stung. I always rushed home to her. “You make the brews.” I grinned as we walked into the kitchen, lightly smacking her arse as she headed towards the kettle, laughing at how she squealed delightedly over my touch. In my younger years, especially my darkest years – at university and my first time living in New York, I hadn’t ever really thought about my future, how it might look, what I wanted. I had been so lifeless and lost that considering how things might be down the line had never been something that entered my mind. The only time I ever started thinking about the future was when I’d met Alfie. I should have known instantly that was because she would be the centre of my life from that point forward. From the very first fucking time we’d met, she had eclipsed my life then and every day since. I knew that wasn’t ever going to fade. I knelt down and opened the cupboard door ahead of me to get out all the necessary equipment. “So what do you fancy?” I asked her, continuing when she didn’t answer. “Summat little or Full English? I feel like we should go all out. With it being your birthday. Fee?” I turned to her, noticing her blank expression, the way she just stared forward like she’d seen a ghost, zoned out and empty. I dropped everything that had been in my hands, the pans and cutlery clattering on the floor as I practically jumped to her, standing in front of her in an attempt to grab her attention, snap her out of it. “Fee?” I tried again, but there was nothing. I really didn’t want to panic. I really didn’t want to expect the worst, but I could feel her fading. I could see a haze clouding her mind and taking everything away from her. I could fucking see it. The mug she had been holding fell from her loosening grip, shattered across the kitchen floor, and that’s when I couldn’t hold in my fear any longer. “Fuck, Fee, stay with me.” I grabbed at the side of her neck, pressed my forehead against hers, holding her as steadily as I could when she stumbled due to my strong hold, but she was still completely blank. “Please stay with me. Listen to my voice, okay? Listen to my voice, I don’t wanna lose you.” It wasn’t working. Slowly, she was fading away again, right before my eyes. Everything I loved about her, all our memories, all of who we were, just disappearing into nothing. My bottom lip began to tremble, fighting tears. “Alfie, do you remember who I am? Can you tell me my name?” She didn’t have an answer for me. She didn’t have anything other than the drop of her brows, which was almost an answer in itself. It told me she was confused, desperately searching for the correct, or any, response to my question, but she was unable to find one. It told me she didn’t know my name. It told me that her Alzheimer’s was flaring up once again.

2 years earlier… “No. No, that can’t be right.” Harry blurted from beside me, keeping desperate hold of my hand. “Please tell me that’s not right. She’s only thirty-six! That can’t be right!” “I’m really sorry.” My doctor replied simply. “I know you were both hoping for better news.” It was the worst-case scenario. It was the exact news we’d been dreading. It had started with really small things that Harry had noticed before even I had, how I would misplace things, struggle to find the right words. Then my memory really started to fail me, and even things like my vision took a hit, and that’s when Harry forced me to book an appointment with the doctor. I think he’d done that in the hope that we could rule Alzheimer’s out for good. But the opposite had happened. “Well… What can we do? How can we stop it?” Harry wailed as I sat in silence, attempting to let it all sink in. “I’m afraid there’s no known cure at this moment in time. But what I need you to do is have a good routine,” He addressed me. “Keep your mind active, and for now that’s all we can do.” “But-” “I’m sorry, Harry. Maybe further down the line if she’s having depressive episodes or struggling to sleep, there are things we can do and medications we can prescribe. But other than that, the best you can do is take it day by day and keep her happy.” I had no idea what to say. All I could do was hold his hand as tightly as I could, prove to him I was still there with him even though I couldn’t say a word. Maybe I’d been expecting the diagnosis in some ways. I knew it could be hereditary in some cases, so it was something I’d worried about sparsely since my mother was diagnosed, but then I’d always pushed it to the back of my mind, told myself that it wouldn’t happen to me. It was terrifying to have to acknowledge that it was already happening. “H-how long do we have?” Harry asked next. “It varies. You could have many, many happy years together. Just because she’s been diagnosed, doesn’t mean that it’s the end. Best-case scenario, this is the extent of it. It might not get any worse.” “And worst-case scenario?” Harry hadn’t needed to ask that. It had been a matter of months between my mother’s diagnosis and her moving into that home for assisted living. That’s all it had taken. Harry knew that already; I don’t know why he needed to hear it from my doctor. I guess it was disbelief more than anything. A refusal to face what we both knew. As scared as I was, I couldn’t imagine how that felt for him. If and when my mind began to truly disappear, I wouldn’t even know about it. Harry was the one who would have to watch it happen, to witness my demise, to lose me in the most painful way. He would be the one handling the most agonising repercussions of my illness and that made it even worse. I didn’t want him to go through that, ever. I couldn’t imagine how he felt then, having to acknowledge the possibility that in just a few months’ time, I might not even be able to recognise him. “Maybe… a few months…” My doctor managed to say, before Harry broke completely, dropping his head into his free hand and sobbing. And still, I sat in silence, hoping I had more time than my mother had, hoping that this illness wouldn’t be something that ruined Harry’s life as well as mine. I hoped he could be more selfish than my father had managed to be, but I knew he wouldn’t be. It would be history repeating itself all over again. I kept tight hold of his hand as he wept, still unable to find any words to share. I was terrified.

I opened the door to Robert, saw the way his smile dropped as soon as he’d noted the exhausted look on my face. He had planned to come around and spend the day with his daughter on her birthday, but he could tell instantly that he wouldn’t be so lucky. The sun was no longer shining, dark clouds hanging so low I thought they might be touching the tops of the trees that surrounded our home. It sometimes felt as though the sun couldn’t shine without her. “How is she?” He asked before he could even greet me. “Not so good.” I answered, stepping aside to welcome him. “What’s happened?” He asked as he entered, taking off his coat. “I dunno, I just lost her.” I tried to stay calm, to hold in my tears. “She was fine and then she just… She just disappeared.” “Where is she now?” “She’s upstairs sleeping.” “Okay. We’ll leave her to it. Hopefully she’ll wake up feeling more like herself. Let’s have a cuppa, eh?” I liked having Robert around. He understood my situation better than anyone else, though I’d gotten much luckier than he had with Rita. It had been over two years since Alfie was first diagnosed, and most days she was okay. It wasn’t often she completely vanished like she had that morning, whereas Robert had all but lost his wife in a matter of weeks. Rob was never condescending, he never compared my situation to his, and as agonising as it was losing my Fee that way, I could never imagine how he felt. To have lost his wife to that disease and now his daughter, I couldn’t even comprehend it. To have had to witness them both slowly fading away. He always remained resilient, positive, trying to make the most of the horrific hand he had been dealt. No one had my respect in the way he did. “You sit yourself down, son.” He demanded once we were in the kitchen, heading towards the kettle. “Talk to me.” “I… I don’t even know what to say.” I sighed. “It’s good to talk. Not so easy, but good.” He knew I wasn’t much good at talking. Alfie had always been the person I wanted to talk to, the person who I was most comfortable expressing my feelings to. When it came to everyone else, it didn’t come quite as naturally, even after all the therapy I’d had over the years. Fee had helped me to see that just because I’d stopped seeing my therapist in New York didn’t necessarily mean I should stop altogether. So, after moving back to Rosebury, I did some research and travelled fortnightly to our closest city to see a therapist, to continue learning and growing. I’d done that for a few years, until I truly felt in my heart that I was ready to stop. I knew how beneficial talking was, even though it was difficult. I couldn’t talk to her, not about this. I had to confide in someone else. Robert was the best person for that. “I’m angry.” I admitted, ignoring his instructions to sit down and instead washing up the items I’d used that morning, still making breakfast in the hope of bringing her around, but I’d failed. “Okay. Angry about what?” “So many things. I’m angry on your behalf. Aren’t you pissed off?” I asked him. “Uh… I try not to be. But… sometimes. Yes, sometimes it makes me angry.” “You don’t fucking deserve this. No one does, but least of all you.” I rambled. “And doesn’t it piss you off the way that people try to… own things that are fucking traumatic?” “What do you mean?” “When something bad happens, somewhere or to someone… people really latch onto it. They use it like it’s their own. Talk about how well they knew them. Or how they’d been somewhere where something bad happened, y’know? You wanna see the way Chloe talks about Alfie. They haven’t been close for years and yet Chloe talks about her like she’s lost her best friend and it makes me so fucking angry. Like someone else’s pain is her opportunity to gain some sympathy, it’s fucking twisted.” “Mm.” “People try to own trauma for their own gain, and I keep seeing that happen with Alfie and it makes me so, so angry.” Tears began to fall, my voice began to quiver. “Bu-but when you encounter real fucking trauma, that’s when you know you don’t want anything to do with it. You want to stay as far away from it as fucking possible, you don’t wanna fucking claim it and draw yourself towards it. Why the fuck do people do that? I don’t fucking want this.” I lay my hand on my chest, crying heavily. “If people want that pain so much, take all of it. I don’t want an inch of this, it’s fucking awful.” “I know it is. I know.” I loved Alfie with everything I was, everything I ever could be. She meant everything to me, and I would stick by her through anything, but it didn’t make our situation any easier. It made it harder, if anything. Some days I’d look in her eyes and see her fucking soul, but when her Alzheimer’s sparked that way I would see nothing at all, no sign of recognition, no love, no evidence of the woman I had been with and built a life with for so many years. The agony of looking into her eyes and seeing nothing was beyond any pain I had ever experienced in my life. That sort of loss is something I had never been able to imagine and would never be able to describe. And I was so frustrated by the way people had started using her as a pawn for attention and cruel compassion. Only a few weeks earlier, myself and Libby had been having a quiet drink in The Tin Mouse when we’d overheard someone talking about her, some lad who barely knew her, talking about how they’d been friends, how sad it was, talking about her mum like he knew anything. I was glad Libby was there to calm me down, tell me not to listen, drag me away from him. She’d had to lure me away from a fight that evening, my first in years. I was so close to snapping. No one can speak openly about things like that if they really hurt them. You don’t just nip down the pub and express your darkest sufferings, talk to whoever’s around you about it like it’s nothing. If they really wanted that pain, they could take all of it as far as I was concerned. “Pay them no mind.” Robert simply said. “You’ve got enough to worry about here without concerning yourself with how everyone else is dealing with it. Just focus on how you’re dealing with it.” “I don’t think I’m dealing with it well. I know I’m lucky. I know it could be worse, but like… even now, I miss her. I miss her so fucking much. I miss her presence. I miss her knowing my name. Because it’s not just her memories that go, it’s all of her.” “I know it is, Harry. I know.” “How did you do this?” I wept. “How could I not?” He simply stammered through a heavy breath, and it made perfect sense. It wasn’t necessarily this feeling of responsibility, like I had to do it because I loved her and I’d told her I would spend my life with her. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t that I felt obligated to stand by her, or that Robert had felt obligated to stay with Rita even when she reached the stage where she really didn’t know who he was. It was because I loved her. That was why there was no other option than to just do it, to face it head on, to be there with her and for her through everything. She was the person I wanted to spend my life with, whether or not that was a life she recognised or remembered, it was the life I wanted. She was the person I wanted. I had to stand by her through everything. How could I not?

12 years earlier… We swayed one way as the room swayed the other, my arms hung around Harry’s neck as he lay his hands on my waist and we stepped side to side slowly. “Look at ‘em.” He grinned, nodding towards the newlyweds. I looked to my left, the way Libby lay her head on Louis’ shoulder, a new place she could call home for the rest of her life. He just held her, the two of them dancing close-by, central to all the couples who were on their feet slowly dancing to Across the Universe. “M’so happy for them.” I sighed softly, laying my head on his chest. “Mm. I know. Me too.” He kissed the top of my head, the two of us dancing in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. “Do you want this?” “Want what?” I lifted my head to look at him. “Y’know. Marriage.” He looked down. “All this stuff. Is it something you want?” I took a few minutes as I considered his question, looking around the room and taking in the sights, thinking over what we’d witnessed that day and what it all meant. As wonderful as it was, I knew my answer hadn’t shifted. As wonderful as Harry was, I knew I didn’t feel any differently about marriage than I always had. “Not really.” I answered honestly. “It’s a lot of fuss, innit?” “Yeah,” He sniggered. “If you look at it that way.” “I dunno. I guess it’s just another one of those things. I don’t have that desire in me. I don’t really want any of this. I mean… I want you.” I told him, noticed how he blushed like he wasn’t already well aware, gnawing his lip shyly. “But I don’t really need any of this additional stuff to prove anything, or confirm anything. M’happy just being with you, y’know?” “Mm.” “Unless… Unless you want this stuff?” “I don’t.” He grinned. “You don’t?” “No. If it was something you needed, then I’d have proposed in a heartbeat. Anything to be with you, anything to make you happy, you know that.” Now I was the one blushing. “But I feel the same way. I get why it means something to people, and I love that. But… maybe m’just one of those cynical people who thinks it’s just paperwork.” “I know exactly what you mean.” “I don’t need that to promise I’ll be with you through everything. I’ll just promise it. Out loud. I’ll… scribble on a piece of paper. I’ll paint it on every canvas I own.” He was making me laugh, in this weird way of endearment, somehow. “Because it’s definitely not through lack of commitment. That’s not why. I’m committed to you more than you’ll ever know. But… I don’t need this.” “I don’t either.” I loved that we felt the same way about it. It was like how we’d always felt the same way about not having children; it just made our lives so much easier. It’s topics and things like that which can ultimately tear couples apart, bring an end to good relationships. When there are fundamental differences in what each person wants and desires at their very core, it can break love down. We didn’t have to worry about that. We wanted the same things, felt the same way. Sometimes it truly felt like we were perfect for one another. “I promise I’m yours.” I whispered up to him. “And I promise I’m yours.” He whispered back. “Forever. Through everything.” It was so extraordinarily wonderful to hear that and not immediately question him or have any doubts. Since Harry had come back into my life, he had proven to me in every single way he could that the promise he’d made then was one he intended to keep. He had instilled this confidence in me that I might have thought was impossible during the earliest months of our relationship, taken away those doubts I’d had. I didn’t think he was going to disappear, I didn’t ever feel like I was trying to work him out or figure out who we were as a couple, I didn’t feel distant from him in any way. I had always thought the world of him, and he knew that, but there had been parts of our relationship that I really struggled with, things I wanted to change so we could be better and work better as a pairing. Those changes had been made. “I love you.” He told me quietly as we continued to dance. I closed my eyes, lay my head back on his chest, listened to the beat of his heart. I didn’t need any more of a promise from him than that.

By the early afternoon when Libby, Louis and Niall arrived, the rain outside was relentlessly unforgiving, meaning they’d driven the short distance to get to ours, but even the walk from the car to my front door seemed to have left them all drenched. “Uncle Harry!” Ronan squealed as he leapt up into my arms. Niall and Sean had adopted him only a few days after he was born, meaning the little lad had been brightening up my life for over three years. Me and Alfie had never wanted our own kids, but it was amazing to have Ronan there, a little one we could look after and love without that full, lifelong commitment that neither of us had ever desired. But there is something incredibly warming about children. Having him leap from Niall’s arms right into mine, to wrap himself around me like that, it was the first thing to make me smile for hours. We loved being Uncle Harry and Auntie Alfie. The three of them let themselves inside and took off their coats as I continued cuddling him, feeling comforted. “Y’alright?” I eventually asked them all. “Yeah, good.” Louis answered. “Where’s the birthday girl?” “Um… She… She’s not doing so good today.” “Shit.” He knew what I meant straight away, and unsurprisingly, his first concern was me. “You alright?” “Yeah, m’fine. Rob’s here, so… y’know. That helps.” “Is your mum coming?” “She’s here too. She’s upstairs trying to talk to Fee.” She’d arrived around an hour earlier and then gone upstairs to try and get some sense out of Fee about fifteen minutes before they’d arrived, but due to the fact I hadn’t heard a peep from either of them since, it didn’t seem like she was having much luck. My mum definitely saw Alfie as her own, the daughter she’d never had. They had this bond that I couldn’t describe, like they’d known each other their whole lives, like they connected on a level I couldn’t even see. I knew that had only deepened when Jack died. It had happened around four years earlier, when she’d received a call saying he was in a hospital not far from her. Despite everything, she called me and we had both rushed to him, forgetting all the suffering he’d put us through, all the bad things that had happened, the grief he’d caused. He was still her son and my brother. That was one of the few times I could clearly see just how strong love and forgiveness could be. It was the first time since I was a child that my family had felt strong in any way shape or form. We felt like a unit again, like people who wanted to help and heal one another rather than abandon and tear each other apart. But we’d lost him. He was only thirty-seven when he’d died. Jack’s lifestyle hadn’t changed much since we’d both seen him last, when he stole from me and my mum without either of us knowing, targeting the two of us in just matter of days. He’d still been in and out of prison, he was still on the dark path he’d chosen for himself and refused to step off, but that path had lead him into the belly of the beast. He’d crashed his car when fleeing a home he’d broken into, and though he’d put up a decent fight, two days after the accident his body had surrendered, and he’d passed away with me and our mum by his side. It had been so much more trying and upsetting than I could have ever anticipated. He’d brought me nothing but anguish for so many years, and he’d done nothing to change or better himself since before he’d even reached his teenage years, but we both still felt this inordinate guilt, similar to how we had when my dad Billy had taken his life. There was this unpleasant and unsettling sensation, that thought of what might have been different if we had done more for him, supported him more, helped him to help himself instead of wanting to run from him for our own sake. I wasn’t sure we would have ever been able to get through to him, but maybe there was more we could have done, but it was too late to ever know. Thankfully, this loss brought me and my mum closer together, unlike when my dad had died. I’d half expected us to shatter again, but we’d thankfully learnt from our mistakes and allowed the harm to bring us this new bond. We knew we couldn’t lose each other again, not after everything. We were the only part of our family left and we needed to cherish that in every way we could. “You lot get settled,” I sighed, handing Ronan back to his dad. “I’ll go check on them.” “Do you need anything?” Libby offered. “Nah, m’good.” “Tell her I’m here.” Niall forced a grin. “She’s bound to remember her favourite person.” Niall had always been soft, covering his insecurities and fears with humour, but he seemed to struggle that little bit more when it came to what was happening to Alfie. Even then, he’d tried to make some sort of joke, but I could tell how much it was actually breaking his heart. He didn’t cope well when she wasn’t herself. None of us did. They went through into the living room to join Robert as I headed upstairs to see how my mum was getting on, rushing up to our room to find Alfie sat on the edge of the bed and my mother crouched at her side. “Hey, look who it is!” My mum was overly cheery, trying to bring some life out of Fee, who sat despondently staring into the distance. “You know who this is, don’t ya?” I got down on one knee next to my mother, right in front of Alfie, catching her eye and her attention, smiling as brightly as I could and taking her hand in mine, acting like nothing was wrong even when I saw the way she looked over my face, trying so desperately to place a name to my face, trying to recall the millions of memories we shared, but it was as though they were no longer there. If death was the belly of the beast, that disease was the mouth, the enlarged jaw, the sharpened teeth, the thirst for blood and the saliva it drew. Losing her was like being devoured alive. I gave her the most encouraging smile I could, squeezing her hand. “C’mon, boss.” I tried. “I’m missing you. You wanna come downstairs? Everyone’s here to see you.” I wasn’t getting through to her. I could see it in her eyes that what I was saying did not make sense. She withdrew her hand so that it was no longer mine to hold, looking down to her lap. “M'sorry, I have such a bad headache.” She trembled. “Can I be on my own for a while?” “Fee-Fee-” I started to shake. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling myself.” “I know.” I gripped her hand again, becoming frantic, even though I knew that wouldn’t help. “I know you’re not, b-but I think if you just came downstairs and saw everyone, you’d-” “When’s my mum getting here? I shouldn’t be here without my mum.” Tears poured over my eyes as rain crashed unremittingly against the windows in our bedroom, my heart breaking all over again. I just wanted her to go downstairs and talk to the people who had been in her life since she was a child, because maybe that would make sense to her. Maybe that would bring her back to me. I always thought back to the theoretical bookcases she had, what I’d learnt about Alzheimer’s when she’d first told me about her mum. It helped me to make sense of her mood changes, the things she said and the way she acted when she was going through a particularly bad spell. When things got bad, I would picture her bookcases in my mind. The bookcase on the left; old, feeble, holding her memories. And then the bookcase on the right; strong, secure, in charge of her emotions. Every time she vanished that way, I took it as though an earthquake had hit, rocked each case, and the books on the left had fallen from their place, leaving her with only the option to pick books from the lower shelves. She seemed to be talking as though she was young, like her mum was still alive and should have been there with her holding her hand through this. She was lost and confused and sad and it killed me to see her like that. That was why I wanted her to go downstairs, talk to her friends, talk to the people who had been in her life since she was so small. Her and Louis had known each other since they were babies, and if her mind could only pluck at her earliest memories, I knew that he would be there. And if he was there that might calm her and that might keep her happy, which was the most important thing. Nothing mattered more than keeping the bookcase that shelved her emotions filled with books of joy and content, even if she didn’t remember where they’d come from. I wanted to bring her back to me. I just wanted my Fee-Fee back.

13 years earlier… During his first few weeks back in Rosebury, Harry hadn’t really made himself known. We’d stayed sort of cooped up in his house, figuring things out, falling in love all over again, catching up with one another and deciding how our relationship should look moving forward. But over the past week or so, he’d started to reintroduce himself to our little village, make himself at home again. He’d been to the pub with everyone, told them he was planning on moving back, that he even wanted to start running his classes again. That night, the two of us were in The Tin Mouse, sat side by side, waiting for everyone to arrive so we could break what I felt was some of the most important news Harry had to share with everyone. “Lincoln’s gunna hate me.” He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “He won’t. He’s not like that.” “Y’know… me and Lin proper got on when I first moved here. Proper got on. But then as soon as I clocked on that he liked you, I got all weird about him.” He turned his head and looked at me. “I dunno why I’m like that. I don’t wanna be like that. And I don’t want him to hate me.” “He kinda already knows, y’know. About us, I mean.” “He does?” “Yeah. He guessed before you came around to mine that morning, when he was there.” “When I told you I loved you?” “Mm.” I nodded. “And Louis knows. I mean, they don’t have a clue we’re back together now, but they know we were together when you lived here before.” “What about Niall and Libby?” “Clueless. I mean, both of them had little inklings back in the day, but nothing more than that.” “They had inklings too? Shit.” He huffed, picking up his pint and taking a sip. “We really mustn’t have been as sly as I thought we were. Like, I thought we hid it well.” “M’not too sure.” I chuckled. “Maybe it was too big to hide.” He acknowledged profoundly, then snapped. “Also, I go proper doe-eyed when I look at you, which is probably very noticeable.” “You should try and get that under control.” I smirked. “Trust me, I’ve tired.” He grinned. “It’s impossible.” I leaned towards him and kissed his cheek, which spurred him to turn his head and grab my jaw so he could pull me back to him and leave a luscious kiss upon my lips, lingering his love upon my pout. When he pulled away, he looked at me with those exact eyes he’d just been speaking about. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about us. I couldn’t wait for everyone to know and to finally be in a relationship that wasn’t happening behind closed doors. What I had with Harry was the most magnificent thing I had ever experienced in my life, I was bursting to talk about it with the enthusiasm and joy it deserved. I didn’t want to admit it to Harry, but I was pretty apprehensive about Lin finding out too. I imagined he already had an idea since Harry was moving back, and the same could be said for Louis, but everything that had happened with Lincoln was still really fresh. He didn’t have a bad or bitter bone in his body, I knew that, but it was bound to be strange for him. He was the first to arrive, stepping into the pub only a few moments after mine and Harry’s kiss, but I was glad he’d caught us in a less compromising position. I’d asked him to get there a little earlier than the rest, just so we could tell him without the others being there. As soon as he saw us, his face dropped somewhat, before the door had even closed behind him. He knew. I shot an encouraging smile his way, noticing the way he took a deep breath in as though to prepare himself, before he came over to our table, sat himself down across from us. From the corner of my eye, I saw Harry drop his gaze, looking down to the table rather than at him. It seemed like this was in my hands. “You okay?” I asked Lin. “Yeah, I’m alright.” He sighed. “How’re you two?” “Yeah, we’re fine. We just kinda wanted to… chat to you.” “Yeah. I think I know what it’s about.” He sniggered dejectedly. Harry still couldn’t look at him. I should’ve known he’d be like that, all defensive and jealous and ridiculous until it got down to actually facing Lin, acknowledging his feelings. Harry wasn’t a bad person; in fact, he was incredibly caring when it came to others, incredibly conscious of other people’s feelings. He was good at picking up on things and going out of his way to make others feel better. It was why he’d always been so good with those self-defence classes. Beyond the jealousy, when it actually came down to Lin and how he was feeling, when it actually came to sitting down in front of him that way, Harry’s anger and arrogance was nowhere to be found. “M'sorry, I hate doing this, it feels so weird, but after everything’s that’s gone on recently, I feel like I should.” I got straight to it. “Me and Harry have been talking a lot since he came back and figuring stuff out and… we really wanna try and… make this work.” “As in… you’re getting back together?” “Yeah. We… We have a lot of history, and we-” “Yeah, I uh… I saw that coming.” He smiled. “As soon as Harry said he was moving back, I figured. It’s fine.” “I just-” “Alf, as long as you’re happy, that’s the main thing.” He interrupted, but I actually felt the main thing he wanted right then was to avoid the weird sympathy we were giving him. I imagined that didn’t make it any easier for him. “Look… I-I knew it was a risk when I asked you out and I wasn’t expecting it to work out, genuinely. It would have been a bloody miracle, to be honest. I just wanted to try, and we did, and it wasn’t meant to be. I’m not mad that you’ve found the person that’s gunna make you happy, Alf. I’ll find that too. It’s all good, I promise, you really don’t need to explain yourself to me or worry about me. As long as you’re both happy.” Harry lifted his head, scoped Lin out for a few seconds before he turned his head to me. “Are you seriously picking me over him?” He was somewhere between joking and being completely serious, forcing a laugh out of both me and Lin. “I feel like that’s a poor decision on your part. He’s a better man than I am.” They finally looked at each other, sharing a smile, this strange acknowledgement that I couldn’t quite understand, but it seemed like a positive thing. “I’m sorry.” Harry said to him. “Don’t be. It’s all good.” “And if I was ever off with you or anything-” “You were.” “Yeah, I know, shit.” Harry shook his head, smiled awkwardly. “I’m sorry. It’s just because… I just love her so much.” “Then don’t fucking leave again, alright?” Lin grinned, reaching his hand across the table. “You won’t find a better girl if you do.” “M'not going anywhere.” Harry reached back, the two of them shaking hands over the table. I imagined Lin wanted to forget the whole thing, frankly. I really hated the thought of him regretting asking me, but looking at how it had all unfolded, I couldn’t blame him for just wanting to forget that he’d ever proposed a date in the first place. As long as he was alright, that was all I could hope for, and he seemed to be. It seemed more than anything, he just wanted to move on. He and Harry got chatting, returning to normal, the atmosphere much nicer than I’d been anticipating, but I really shouldn’t have been surprised. They were both just incredible men, I was lucky to have them both in my life. Not too long later, the rest of them arrived. Louis and Libby hand in hand, with Niall close behind, shooting a wink to Sean behind the bar before they came over to the table. “Right, what does everyone want to drink?” Niall offered. “I’m going to the bar to flirt with Sean, so I might be a while getting the drinks back to you, but still. It’s the thought that counts.” “Mate, it’s barely the thought that counts when your thought is that you want to go to the bar to flirt with Sean. You don’t wanna get us drinks!” Lin laughed. “You make a fair point, Crosby. I barely wanna sit with you lot, to be honest. I just wanna sit at the bar and make eyes at him all night.” “Okay, before you do that then,” I yelped, wanting to keep him with us. “Can you sit down for a second? I’ve got some news.” Louis’ eyes lit up in a second. I hadn’t told him exactly what had been going on, but the last time I’d spoken to him about it properly I’d said I was going to go and talk to Harry, and since then I’d been very coy about the whole thing. He’d have been a damn fool not to figure it out, but he’d given me my space to let me announce it in my own time, and I could tell from the giddy look on his face that he knew that time had finally come. Libby didn’t look so excited. “What’s happened? Are you okay? Do I need to kill someone? Who hurt you?” “Lib, it’s fine, it’s nothing like that. Just… sit down a second, I’ll tell you.” They all pulled up a stool and sat themselves down, Harry tensing beside me. These were incredibly unfamiliar waters for him to be treading. Harry had lived his life in lonesome shadows he had created, hiding in the darkest corners he could as a way of protecting himself. He wasn’t used to being open about any section of his life, especially a part as intricate and evocative as love. Though it was clear the therapy he’d experienced since he’d left had helped him, there was a difference between him being open and honest with me, someone he’d been so close to and shared with before, compared to sharing such delicate truths with everyone else. This was new to him, it was bound to be scary. I reached for his hand beneath the table, squeezed it tightly. Eager little faces awaited the news I was about to break. “Okay… so… as you all know, Harry’s moving back.” “Woo!” Niall cheered. “Cheers, Niall.” Harry grinned and winked at him, laughing a little. “And uh…” I tried to continue. “I guess I’m kinda extra happy about it, because… Well, before he left, me and Harry-” “WERE YOU FUCKING?” Niall screamed, interrupting the entire pub as he did, cringing and then turning to address our fellow pub-goers. “Apologies! Excuse my French.” I had to drop my head onto the table, everyone else trying to hold in their laughter in an effort to show a little respect to the old blokes who were sat drinking and genuinely unhappy with Niall’s language. “For fuck sake, Niall!” Libby scalded. “Keep your voice down! If you wanna yell shit like that, we’ve gotta spend more time at The Royal Rose.” “I’m right though, aren’t I?” He pretty much ignored her, eyes darting between me and Harry. “Tell me I’m right?” “We were together.” Harry worded it much more eloquently. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, NO YOU WEREN’T!” Libby yelled. “Oh my god, Libby, shh!” I cried once I’d whipped my head back up. “Who needs to go down The Royal fucking Rose now, eh?” Niall huffed. “Sorry, everyone! Sorry!” Libby bellowed around the room before she turned back to us and whispered harshly. “Were you really?” “Yeah.” Harry smiled. “Were you in love?” “We were. We are.” “Alfie! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” “Sorry, we didn’t tell anyone.” I shrugged. “But that’s why we’ve kinda gathered you all, because… well, now Harry’s moving back… we’re getting back together. I mean… we’re already back together.” “Knew it.” Louis smirked. “What do you mean you knew it?” Libby turned to her fiancé and gave him death eyes. “Did you know about them being together last year?” “Sorta.” “Wow, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. The wedding’s off.” “What? I’m good at keeping secrets! If anything, that should make you want to marry me more! I’m very trustworthy.” The two of them started sweetly squabbling between themselves, Harry and I moving our attention across to Niall who still had questions. “So, wait… you two are serious about each other? It wasn’t just sex?” “Nah. It was never just sex.” Harry said, to my surprise. I didn’t know why he’d said that, but I wondered if he might have done it as a way for compensating for the things he’d said to me when I’d told him I loved him the first time and he’d told me he only saw us and our relationship as sexual, nothing more than that. But knowing what I knew then, being aware of how he actually felt about me, maybe he really hadn’t ever seen it as just sex. Maybe I hadn’t either. Maybe we’d always meant more to one another than we’d known. “That’s wild. Why’d do you leave? Did you break up?” “Uh… Sort of, I guess.” Harry choked. “But that’s not gunna happen again. This is it now. It’s me and her.” Niall was beyond excited, happily asking Harry every question he could think of, even the ones he must have known Harry would find awkward to answer, but he answered regardless. It was yet another way I could see Harry stepping up for me, doing things and removing himself from his comfort-zone because he knew it would make me happy. It was nice that I knew it would make him happy too, he merely needed to get used to the change. We both did. Being in an open relationship with Harry was going to be different, but I’d never been so excited about anything. Our future seemed, so, so bright.

“Harry!” Louis’ voice was loud, sending shockwaves through my body as I bolted upright, cursing, my heartbeat racing. I looked around, agitated and anxious, noticing we were in the reading room, noises coming from the distance proving I still had a good number of visitors. Thunder and lightning crashed outdoors, light splitting the dark skies whilst the thunder bellowed its dominance as I came back around, a little woozy and lost for a few moments but gradually, things came back to me. I could recall I’d gone in there to give myself a bit of space after me and my mum had tried to speak to Alfie, but I must have nodded off at some point. “You alright?” He was concerned. “Uh…” I was still half asleep, my hands resting firm on the chaise beneath me as I gathered myself, reintroduced myself to the literal world. “Yeah, sorry, m’fine. Sorry.” “Don’t apologise, mate. I can’t imagine how you feel.” I budged up and tucked my knees closer to my chest so he could sit himself down at the end of the chair. Louis had become for me what he was for Alfie. Since I’d moved back to Rosebury, we’d gotten much closer, and he possessed this aura that made him incredibly approachable. Sharing felt easy when it came to Louis. Alfie had always used him as the person she went to when she needed to talk about anything, and I felt a similar way. He could sense that I needed to talk. “Sorry our little ones aren’t here.” He started gently. “They’re getting harder to control now they’re older. They’d rather spend the day with their grandparents on the farm than with us.” “It’s alright. Kinda feel like… the less people the better.” “Mm, I bet.” It wasn’t long after their wedding that Libby told us she was pregnant with Ben, their eldest. A couple of years later, they’d welcomed Amelia to the world, two more kids who referred to me and Alfie and their auntie and uncle. They were good kids, but how could they not be with their parents? “You’re handling all of this really well, Harry.” Louis was kind, encouraging. “Better than most people would.” “The thing is, I’m lucky right now.” I rubbed over my eyes. “With Fee… this isn’t happening often. This is the second time this month, and that’s the most it’s been since she was diagnosed, y’know? She struggles with the little things, and small lapses, but this sort of thing is rare, and I’m so, so lucky that that’s the case two years after her being diagnosed. It could’a been so much worse.” “It could, you’re right.” “But when this does happen… I can literally feel myself falling apart. It fucking kills me. To know she looks at me and… she see’s nothing. It’s agonising. It’s a physical pain, I can’t describe it.” “She doesn’t see nothing, Harry.” He tried to comfort me. “She might be a little lost, but you’re there, deep down. She could never look at you and see nothing, I know how much you mean to her.” I hoped he was right. I knew I’d comforted Alfie with similar words when it came to her mother, and I’d meant it, but it was so much more difficult to see that as the truth when I was so directly involved, when it was me losing the love of my life. “It’s probably gunna get worse. How am I gunna cope when it gets worse?” I asked him rhetorically. “We’ll be here for ya, the whole time. Whatever you need from us, whenever you need it.” I knew he was telling the truth, and it was incredibly comforting. “And maybe your luck won’t run out. Maybe this is how it’s gunna be for her, maybe she won’t deteriorate more than this. Don’t write her off yet, you know how strong that girl is. She’s got a hell of a lot of fight in her.” I’d barely realised I was smiling over his words, nodding. He was so right. She had so much strength in her, I’d known that since the second we’d met. She’d never really been able to see it herself, but she had such a desirable sustainability, this power and fire in her gut that had seen her through some really difficult times. I loved every part of her, every inch of her body and every piece of her soul, but that strength was something really special, something that had always drawn me to her in ways I couldn’t fight. “You gave her some really incredible years, Harry.” “But I want to give her an incredible life.” I explained exhaustedly. Her Alzheimer’s had made it seem as though that was no longer an option, that any life I could provide or that we could build would be lost, either in the depths of her mind or quite literally, if she maybe had to go into care as her mother had. I’d struggled to understand Robert when I was younger, when I saw what he did for his wife, the way he upped and moved to be with her, altered his whole life to be at her side, but now it was happening to Alfie I completely understood it. It no longer seemed preposterous, it no longer seemed like something completely heroic that he’d done. It was the only option. If I had to, I’d do the same thing, I knew that without a shadow of a doubt. But I wanted to keep her at home for as long as I physically could. I wanted to give her a life full of love, a life worth fighting for. “You still can. You will.” Louis smiled. “Do not waste these years worrying about losing her completely when she’s still here. I know it’s easy for me to say that, and with how she is today… it’s fucking awful. She’s my oldest mate, it hurts me too. But right now, like you said, this is rare. So fucking cherish her whilst she’s here. Do whatever you can to keep her here. Think of ways to bring her back. If anyone can do it, you can. I have every fucking faith. Don’t start to let go when she’s still holding on.” He commanded. I nodded, absorbing his words in every way I could. There was something incredibly special about the love between me and Alfie. When I’d fallen in love with her all those years earlier, she’d made me realise that love could truly do some remarkable things. I had to hope that love could keep her with me for many years to come.

9 years earlier… I wrapped the towel tighter around my frame as I anxiously approached the red curtains, nervously hiding from Harry who sat in room ahead of me, canvas and colours all set up in preparation, sun setting between the trees, exactly how he’d wanted it to be, the light breaking into the room and projecting the most fascinating shadows. I peered through the small gap in the curtains, not moving any closer. “C’mon, Fee-Fee. I’ve seen you naked a million times.” He said without turning to look at me. “This is totally different!” I cried. “It’s not!” “It is! This is nude! Which I feel like is not the same as naked.” “It’s exactly the same.” He cackled. “It’s different! It’s a different sort of experience entirely. No one’s ever painted me nude before.” “Good, I should fucking hope not.” He laughed. “This is my privilege.” “I feel really nervous.” “How can I make it better?” “You can’t, it’s not you, Harry! You make me feel very comfortable in my own body, there’s nothing more you can do.” I explained truthfully, standing in silence for a few seconds before I spoke up once again. “What kinda painting is it gunna be? Is it gunna be abstract, or are you gunna be able to tell it’s me?” Harry had been painting everyone of recent, actually asking them to sit for him. He’d already painted me plenty of times since we’d gotten back together, but he’d branched out, painting Louis, Libby, Lincoln and Niall. He’d even done one of his brother, though that hadn’t been in person. He’d gone off memory alone, but I knew he was hoping to reach out to Jack at some point, try to help him and mend their relationship again. It was just a matter of plucking up the courage and tracking him down. He'd even painted Chloe a few weeks back. Her and Sam had recently split up, which meant for the first time in years, she’d attempted to spend time with us all, get herself back into the group, but things had changed. It almost felt as though it was too little too late. I had no bad feelings towards her, I’m not sure any of us did, the water had passed under the bridge years earlier, but it just hadn’t felt the same. It didn’t even feel genuine coming from her, like she’d only come back to us because she felt we were her only option. It was disappointing and it truly was a shame, but it just hadn’t worked. I think that was why Harry had wanted to paint her; not because of the friendship, but more the lack-thereof. But the thing with Harry’s recent work was that they had been varied in style. His older work was entirely abstract, pieces in which I’d barely been able to see myself even when he’d tried to point out exact features. His recent work wasn’t like that though, with some pictures being the most detailed portraits I’d ever seen, so lifelike it sometimes felt as though they could start talking. He kept them all in the gallery above the shop, a collection he continued to add to. “M’not sure yet.” He confessed. “Depends how I’m feeling once you’re in place. If you think it’s too detailed, I won’t put it anywhere. It’ll be your call when it’s done, alright?” With that confirmation, I finally felt comfortable enough to step into his most creative space, shuffling past him and heading over to the podium he’d set up, balancing my knee on it first so I could climb up and sit myself down as gracefully as possible, knees bent, legs to one side, body as upright and straight as I could make it, clutching at the top of the towel, holding it against my chest. I took a deep breath in, steadied myself, made one final request. “Will you make my nipples nicer?” “Your nipples are perfect as they are, idiot. I wanna paint you, not some idealised version of you. There’s nothing wrong with you right now, as you are. I promise.” Harry made sure his voice was warm, the sound alone making me feel at home, like I should be proud to just be myself. “Whenever you’re ready.” I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in, tore the towel apart and then dropped it to the ground. The first thing I could concentrate on was the way he took a deep breath in, his chest swelling with the intake of air, like he needed to calm himself down as his eyes ran all over my body with care, slowly moving over every inch of me. I felt so exposed and yet it was overwhelmingly intimate too, like my body belonged to his eyes, like I would be invisible to anyone else. I was infatuated with the way he looked at me, because it was all there in his eyes, every emotion and every memory and every loving feeling he had towards me. After figuring out how to remain somewhat calm, he spoke. “Okay. Could you… have one knee up? Just lift your right leg, have your foot pointing right at me.” He instructed and I altered my stance accordingly. “And just link your fingers together and hold around your knee. That alright?” “Mm.” “Are you comfortable?” “Yeah.” “Good.” With that acknowledgement, he began, mixing a few colours and studying me in silence for a few moments before he put his brush against the canvas, proceeded to paint me. From what I could tell, from his point and with my position, my body would be both hidden and revealed. I imagined the shadows that were casting on me only added to the affect, and maybe that was why he’d chosen that time of day, when the sun was going down, when the world was glowing and yet infiltrated with tenebrosity. He had a vision, and I was the centre of it. Strangely, I’d predicted that I would be totally conscious of the time, that the clocks in my mind would strain and my body would ache and tire with speed, but that didn’t happen. Though we didn’t speak whilst he worked, the time flew. Occasionally, he would purposefully catch me eye, smirk at me, bite his lip, probably as a way of easing me, because when he did that, I’d notice my body relax even though I hadn’t realised I had tensed. Harry knew me so well. He knew my mind and my body and my soul in ways that were way beyond my understanding. He saw things in me that I couldn’t, loved parts of me that I hated, understood conundrums within me that I could never comprehend. I loved him so much. “You look amazing.” He said after almost three hours. “I-I dunno. Sometimes it feels like you’re the inspiration I’ve always needed. Proper little muse, aren’t ya?” I tried to keep hold of my position, stay quiet, not blush too much, but it was a complete honour to be his muse, the perfect stimulant for him to be able to create some truly beautiful pieces, none of which involved blood. Wine had been his calling for years, finding its way into most of his paintings, especially the ones of me. But he often got creative too, not always because it worked effectively as a substitute for paint, but as interesting addition. He used fruit juices, my perfume, put petals within his paints or blades of grass. He took his surroundings, pieces of Rosebury, and he made art. More time passed, Harry concentrating intently on each stroke as I slowly began to rearrange my limbs, but he didn’t notice until my legs were both dangling off the front of the podium, still facing him. “Alf-” He began, but I managed to stop him talking when I slowly opened my legs. That was how much confidence he could bestow upon me. I’d gone from being nervous to even walk in the room, to spreading my legs for him, letting him decide what he wanted to do with the woman ahead of him, whether that was painting her or otherwise. Harry looked almost dizzy, eyes transfixed on my core and plump lips parted. He stepped to his side so that the easel and canvas didn’t block an inch of me from him or vice-versa, so I mirrored him, dropped my eyes down to his crotch and saw how much he appreciated the sight. He was rock hard. I bit at my bottom lip, hoping to lure him closer to me, hoping I’d inspired him beyond the canvas. “You’re something else.” He was breathless, a look of amazement clouding his eyes. And yet he remained still, purposefully building the heat. I didn’t realise us saying nothing and not even touching could do that, but I was sure I’d never wanted him more. I had never felt such intensity between us. My whole body quivered the moment he finally snapped, storming towards me. His hands went to his belt as soon as he started walking, the jingling of the metal he was fiddling with sending shockwaves through my body. He was still working on it when he reached me, taking one hand and pulling harshly on my hair to make my neck snap back, forcing me to look up to him. His other hand continued to loosen the leather from the slack trousers he was wearing, the two of us panting even though we’d barely done anything, looking into each other’s eyes. I could feel his hand moving, hear the pleasing titter of the buckle rattling. That alone got me worked up, those two senses sparking a million sensations. Then before I knew it he’d pushed into me, so much force behind his hips that I almost fell backward before he pulled me back to him, shot his head down so that he could bite my bottom lip. His touch was strict, severe, strong. Even with my lip still gripped between his teeth, he managed to smirk, aware of how much power he had in those moments, but it was my power that had brought him to me. He let my lip loose, his hand moving from my hair to my jaw as he began to kiss me, surprisingly gentle, his hips beginning to wind, gradually moving in and out of me. I loved how he could feel so tough and unforgiving whilst also moving with such a gentle ease. I didn’t understand how he could be both and yet he was, and he was with ease. He was the light and the dark. The night and the day. The sun and the thunderstorm. The fighter and the artist. My fingers clung frenziedly to his t-shirt, possibly puncturing holes through the thin material, closing my eyes and breathing him in, barely able to kiss him with how ethereal I felt just being with him. “You feel so good. Fuck, you’re amazing.” He wheezed. I wrapped my legs around his, my heels digging into his backside, pushing my chest up and putting my arms behind me so I could keep myself propped up, Harry slowly taking his kiss away from my mouth trailing it down my chin and then over my chest, causing pretty palpitations that skipped through my body, his hands lowering to my backside and yanking me closer to him. Ever since the day I had seen his paintings for the first time in person, there had been this magnetism between me and his captivating work. Being around his pieces, touching them, breathing them in; it was fascinating and overwhelming and it always brought out such powerful emotions from me. So when I actually became a part of his art, that intensified, took all those feelings to an entirely different realm. That was one of the reasons I felt we had gotten carried away in such a physical sense. We connected when he painted. He took hold of my legs, curving his fingers behind my knees and gripping tight as he picked up the pace, head lifting so he could gaze down between our bodies, watch the way he worked in and out of me as I watched him, the way he bit his lip, even scrunched his nose, concentrating all his strength on me. I moved one hand so I could touch myself, stealing his focus. He watched my fingers move over my clit, the sight bringing new groans from him, and I could tell I was leading him to his finish. I knew all the signs, his giveaways. Nothing turned me on more than seeing him unwind that way. My moans were getting louder and louder, my eyes closing just a few seconds after I noticed a grin spreading across his lips, smug over my pitch, like he always was. “Oh fuck.” He seethed piercingly as he came, and I was able to feel the way his whole body trembled, the ripples riding against my heels and the parts of my legs that came into contact with him, moving my hand until he gasped. “Please finish. I wanna you feel. I wanna watch you.” So I moved my hand back, touching myself for those final few moments before it happened, Harry watching me in awe the whole time. As soon as we were both calm enough, Harry took my neck in his hand once again so he could bring me closer to him, kiss me with enough passion to knock me out completely. I slung my arms around his neck, feeling his smile grow against my lips. “I love you.” He gasped as we kissed. “I love you so fucking much.” “I love you too.” “You’re fucking bliss, I’m so obsessed with you.” He was rambling, spewing his thoughts, and it only made me smile more, my cheeks genuinely hurting even though I was still trying to kiss him back, butterflies in my stomach and rose tinted glasses perching on my nose and altering my vision. When our kiss ended, he stayed close, rubbing his nose against mine, closing his eyes and breathing steadily as I just watched him, just as obsessed with him. I stroked the backs of my fingers over his cheek, transfixed. “You make me so, so happy,” I whispered to him. “I feel like my heart is gunna burst.” “Nah, fuck that.” He sneered. “I need you. No heart bursting, please.” “I’ll try.” I giggled. “I make no promises though.” “I’d be lost without you. I’d hate it. Stay with me, okay?” “Okay.” He kissed me again, lightly gliding his tongue into my mouth, so tender with me I thought I might cry. I never wanted him to feel lost. I would always stay with him.

Everyone had stayed with me for a good few hours, keeping me company on Alfie’s birthday seeing as she couldn’t quite do that herself. Lin and his wife Jessica had shown up eventually too, all of them being upbeat in their attempts to lift my mood, and temporarily, it had worked to the extent it could. But then as soon as I had closed the door on them, all my sorrow had come flooding back. My only aim then was to make sure that Alfie was happy. That was why I’d thought up a plan. “Just follow me, okay?” I encouraged her, finally having gotten her downstairs, though I could tell she was still confused and wary of me. “Where’re we going?” She asked, tracking my steps as the two of us tiptoed through the living room. I was walking backwards so I could keep my eyes on her, conscious that she might cower or run at any second. She glued her eyes to me, as though she was slowly teaching herself to trust me, a flicker of recognition darting through her eyes. I smiled. “Alfie, I just wanna show you something. It’s something you’ll like.” “Uh-” “You can trust me, I promise.” “Ca-can I hold your hand?” At first, I couldn’t even find it within me to reply to her, in a state of shock that she’d even asked that of me. But what it told me was rousing. It told me that I wasn’t entirely a stranger to her. It reminded me that even when she couldn’t quite place me, there was a sense of trust between us that remained. Even though it wasn’t immediate or obvious, it was still there. “Uh- Fuck, yeah, of course you can.” I held my hand out for her to shyly slot her fingers between mine, almost bashful when she did, like it was the first time we’d held hands, like we were giddy teenagers who were dating one another. And I wondered then if that was how I should start viewing it, when her Alzheimer’s attacked her that way. Maybe it would help if I started thinking of it as though I had to win her back and win her over, as though she was someone I needed to charm and woo, a girl I really fucking wanted but needed to earn. Slowly, I lead her through the kitchen and then into the conservatory at the back of the house. I took her to my paintings. Her pupils blew up in seconds, a new galaxy appearing in her eyes, looking around the room in wonder, gazing at all the art in there, the abundance of canvases that still sat in that room. There were paintings of her, paintings we’d done together, paintings of her friends and loved ones, paintings that had been in there the very first time she had been in there. It had the potential to be a really good space for her. She let go of my hand, unhurriedly exploring her surroundings. “Did you do these?” She enquired. “Mm.” “You’re talented.” “Thank you.” I nodded. Her fingers played over a painting I’d done of her, but she was clueless, unaware she was the inspiration behind almost everything she could see. Under the guise that she was a guest, she worked her way around the room like blood running through veins, oblivious to the fact that she was actually the beating heart. I didn’t want to tell her that she was a part of so many of the paintings she was looking at, because I didn’t want to obscure her reality and upset her. Sometimes it was just better to go along with however she was feeling, whatever she felt was real. She spent her time leisurely wandering and inspecting the work that grabbed her the most as I headed towards the prime piece, the painting I had wanted her to see most. Earlier, I’d propped it up against the back window, central, ready for her to inspect. I pulled the cloth that had been covering it away, hurling that tattered throw to the ground beside me. She was so engrossed she didn’t even notice. “Alfie?” I caught her attention, watching her spin on her spot. Her face dropped. I’d captured her attention entirely. It was the Blood Sun. Before my mum had left, I’d asked her to keep an eye on Alfie whilst I rushed to the gallery and grabbed the painting to bring back. Me and Louis had covered it to protect it from the rain before throwing it into the back of his car and getting it to mine and Alfie’s house as soon as we could, hoping for the best. That painting was hers. It belonged to her, and as its owner, I knew the emotional reaction she had to it and how that never tired. Every time I’d seen her around that painting, it had affected her in such severe ways, like it spoke to her, as though it could touch her both physically and mentally. My gut was telling me that connection would still be there. I watched her intently as she took steps towards the Sun, seeing the familiar look of awe that she always had when she was close to that painting, blinded and dazzled and struck with wonder. “It’s beautiful.” She whispered as she stopped ahead of it. “You… You should feel it.” I suggested. “What? Touch it? I can’t do that.” “Course you can.” I grinned. “It’s mine, and I say you can.” She stared at me like I’d gone mad, but I just nodded, willing her to do as I’d asked. She had this beautiful, dastardly look in her eye as she reached her hand outwards, the tips of her fingers only grazing the red for a moment before her hand retracted, like it had stung her. It was rather fascinating to watch her. Within seconds, she was touching it again, and I could see that her mind was whirring. I couldn’t even begin to guess what might be going on in her head, how she might be feeling, what she might be thinking. It might have been an entirely new experience for her, or it might have been shining a light to parts of her mind that had spent that day in darkness. I moved so I was standing right behind her, my body only an inch from hers, admiring the way she let her fingerprint distinguish the paint like brail. I reached out, lay my hand on top of hers, gently guiding her touch. She inhaled heavily, my touch affecting her, my stomach twisting. “Tell me how you feel.” I was quiet, hanging my head just over her shoulder, able to see the profile of her face. “I… I feel sad.” She explained. “There’s so much sadness here.” When she said that, I found my eyes looking at the hand that I had resting on top of hers, seeing the scars that were still so prominent, even after all those years. Looking back, I couldn’t even imagine feeling that way, being able to cut myself like I had. Seeing those scars reminded me of how lucky I was to have wound up with such a wonderful life, so full of happiness that harming myself that way was almost incomprehensible. Seeing those scars was a reminder of my current wellbeing. Alfie had helped me build that life, she had been the one that pointed out just how harmful my old technique had been, and that was why she’d always been able to sense the pain that would forever remain trapped in that painting. “But…” “But what?” I tried to spur her to say more. “There’s something else, I don’t know.” “Tell me. Just tell me how you feel.” “It’s like… home, and warmth. I… I don’t know.” “Like us.” I hushed. She closed her eyes, and I noticed a tear pool over, stream down her cheek. Something was happening. I was rapidly short of breath, keeping my eyes on her. “Fee? Please talk to me.” “I remember the first time I saw this in real life. I remember.” She trembled. “I remember the feeling. I remember crying.” “What else?” I begged, tears beginning to build in my eyes. I could hear my heart beating, observing her memory reform and construct in her mind, filling her drop by drop when all I wanted was for everything to flood into her consciousness again. I adjusted our hands so that I could squeeze hers, resting my forehead against her temple, whispering, pleading with her to search a little deeper. She took a shaky breath inward, overwhelmed. “Harry.” She whispered, and I thought I might collapse to the floor, simply hearing her speak my name. “Yes! Look at me.” I cupped her cheek, not pushing but trying to encourage her to turn her head. “Fee-Fee, please look at me.” She turned to her right, eyes sparking as soon as she looked into mine. She knew me. “Harry?” She questioned. “Holy fuck, Harry!” She scrambled so that she could wrap her arms around my neck, throw her body against mine and take me into her. I’d never held her so tight. Though there had been a few similar occurrences since her diagnosis, none had gone on for that long. I’d spent the entire day wondering if that was it, if she had reached her breaking point and her memory just wouldn’t come back. It was terrifying and excruciating. But she was with me. She was home. My body was frail, using all my might to hold her, but it was as though that meant strength was retracted from elsewhere, my legs giving way beneath me. I crumbled down to the floor, taking her with me, first landing on my knees and then falling back, Alfie straddling my legs, the two of us still gripping onto one another. I pulled my head back so I could look in her eyes, grabbing her cheeks. “Are you okay? Do you feel okay?” “Wh-what’s happened?” “I lost you. I lost you, I’ve missed you so fucking much. It’s been so hard without you. I hate it.” I sobbed, brushing some hair from her face. “How do you feel?” “I’m okay. I’m sorry.” She wept. “Don’t be sorry. You don’t have to be sorry, Fee-Fee. M’just so glad you’re back.” We kissed, another way of coaxing her back to me. I knew from previous experience just how disorienting it was for her, coming back around like that, I couldn’t even imagine how it felt. All I could do was talk her through it, be there for her, kiss her, remind her of her life in the kindest way I could. I kept the kiss brief then pulled away, eyes darting across her face and keeping her close. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked. “I’m fine!” She cried, clinging onto me. “Please don’t be upset, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Another horrific addition to her illness was the guilt she felt when she came back around. All she would focus on was my feelings, how it would have hurt me, as if it wasn’t fucking bad enough with everything else it did to her. She was strangely selfless about the whole thing. “Fee, you’ve gotta stop apologising to me, please. You’re here, that’s all that matters.” “I love you.” She wept. “I love you too. I love you so much.” I’d only recently realised the importance of being there for her when she found herself again. Every time, I was elated that she was back, and she was all I could focus on, but I had to be caring and present and not just break over how difficult I’d found it. I kissed her tenderly, breathlessly continuing to tell her I loved her at every opportunity, the words losing themselves upon her lips and swelling within in her mouth before hopefully finding their way to her heart. She was all that mattered. Doing everything I could so that she could find herself and fight that disease was all that mattered. I saw it as my responsibility to give to her and help her to sustain the best life I possibly could, and I wasn’t going to give up on that or give up on her. That disease was venturing to steal our happiness, and though it could gain temporary success, I refused to let it consume us entirely, to rob us of the sublime life we had created. Our love had more fight in it than any disease ever could. “I missed you.” I shuddered when our kiss soothed. “When I touched the Sun… It’s like I saw your face.” She enlightened me. “I saw your face and heard your voice and you were telling me you loved me and then everything started coming back to me. Everything.” Though I had been there physically, it was her mentality that had needed to alter, to shift and shake and align once more. When she had touched the Blood Sun, I had re-entered her mind and memories, my voice calling upon her soul and willing it back to the present. I could never underestimate the power of us. I could never underestimate the power of her mind and just how engrained I was within it. “You were there. You brought me back.” She whispered, laying a loving and gentle kiss upon my lips. “You brought yourself back.” I told her. “You’re so fucking strong, Fee-Fee. Keep fighting it.” “I will, I promise. As long as you’re here-” “M’always gunna be here, Fee. You know that.” She dropped her head. “Hey!” I placed my thumb beneath her chin, lifted her head back up so that she was forced to look into my eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens, I’m yours. I’m here. We fight this together, okay?” “Promise?” Her bottom lip quivered. “I promise. It’ll always be us. Just me and you.” “Just me and you.” She repeated back to me. She needn’t fear that I might leave, that I may tire of the tumultuous routine of our lives, that her illness wouldn’t merely steal her memories but it would eventually take me from her too. She didn’t need to worry for even a second. I wanted to be her support system. I wanted to be her life, her lover, her confidant, her centre. No matter how difficult things got, even if one day she disappeared indefinitely. I would never love another person the way I loved her, no person would ever compare to her, no life would ever come close to the one we had. I was with her, skipping through fields during the days of sun or sailing with her through the eye of the storm. It was just me and her through everything, always. That was my promise.

[pixie88]

Birthday Boy

Chapter 3 - Our Little Secret.

A/N: Queen B fanfiction. I’m currently editing and adding all  my FF to my new account. All being added to my pinned masterlist on my profile. Let me know if you would like to be tagged!

Find previous chapters HERE under Queen B - Our Little Secret.

Word count: 2180

WARNINGS: ⚠️ Some adult language and sexual content.

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Pixelberry.

Pairings: Ian x MC - Lyla.

Enjoy!

I make my way over to the bedroom door and peek through the small opening. I can see Ian is irritated by her arrival.

"Oh, Ian! You haven't forgotten have you?" I hear Lexi say "Forgotten? I don't think we had a meeting planned today, sorry?" she laughs and playfully slaps him, "Ian, you do make me laugh. I thought we could spend the day together as it's your birthday!" (What it's his birthday?!)  "Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm already otherwise engaged" "Oh, sorry I just assumed! I hope your plans don't involve that Lyla girl! Ian, you must know she's beneath you" she rolls her eyes Ian face turn fury before I hear his tone change.

"Lexi, whom I spent my birthday with isn't any of your concern. So, whether it's Lyla or not it is my business. I don't appreciate you talking about her like that" her faces turns to shock, I don't think she was expecting that (Way to go Ian!) "Right, sorry I guess I should get going then. Sorry to have bothered you and I hope you have a lovely birthday. Bye Ian" she makes her way to the front door "Bye Lexi and thank you!" she's gone.

I run back over to his bed and get back in just his bedroom door opens. I see Ian, smiles at me "I saw you looking through the door Lyla" I laugh "That's my dream of becoming a spy out of the window, then" he laughs, "So I guess you heard that conversation?" he makes his way over to the bed and sits next to me "I did, one, you're hot when you are annoyed, two, I love your protective side, it's sexy and three, happy birthday, Ian!" I pull him in for a quick kiss.

When he pulls away, he's smiling "Thanks Lyla" "I hope you have a great birthday, Ian!" I get up off the bed and start to get dressed "Lyla, Where are you going?" I turn to look at him. "I better get back plus you have plans, so I don't want to keep you" he looks disappointed, "Lyla, I do have plans, but those include you!" "Oh?" "Lyla, I want to spend my birthday with you. I'm meeting Lillian and Charlotte today and I want to introduce you to them, but only if you are comfortable with it?" he gives me those puppy dog eyes I can't resist.

"Ian, I would love to if you are ok with it?" He smiles at me "I think the fact it was my idea gives it away that I'm ok with it!" he reaches for me and pulls me back onto the bed. "Ok, I would love to spend the day with you but I need to go home to get dressed first" "I'll take you!" Ian takes a shower then gets dressed, and we head down to his car, and he takes me back to my dorm.

We pull up outside my dorm "I shouldn't be too long. Unless you want to come up?" He smiles "Lyla, I would love to but..." "You can't! I get it, giving your TA a lift home is one thing, but being caught inside her dorm room is another" he smiles weakly. "It's ok, I'll be as quick as possible!!" I get out the car and head inside.

Later we pull outside Zizzi's it's an Italian restaurant. "So, how do I introduce myself?" he looks at me and smiles "Lyla, I would love nothing more than to introduce you as my girlfriend but with me still working at the university..." "Ian, it's fine. If, asked I am your TA and we run into each other outside" he gives me a very weak smile.

We walk into the restaurant and Ian spots Lillian and Charlotte. We walk over to them, "Ian, Happy Birthday!" Lillian gets up to hug him. "Happy birthday Uncle Ian" he leans in to kiss her on the cheek. "Lillian, Charlotte this is Lyla, she is my" "Girlfriend?" Charlotte asks I look at Ian not sure what to say, but he smiles.

"Charlotte, you're correct how did you guess?" (Wait! What????? I thought we agreed! Did he just....) I don't hear Charlottes response "Aww, Ian! So, glad you finally found someone" Lillian says. He smiles at me "She does mean a great deal to me!" I give him a soft smile. "So, how did you two meet?" Lillian asks him as we take our seats. "We met at the Speakeasy about 8 months ago." He tells her as he lays a hand on my thigh offering me a warm smile.

I place my hand on top, he starts to stroke my hand with his thumb. We take a look at the menu and order our food. "Lillian, what's the most embarrassing memory of Ian?" She laughs and Ian shakes his head. "What about the time we were on holiday in Cyrus as we were leaving the shop Ian thought he was walking toward the exit, but he walked straight into a window! We heard an almighty bang!" I howl with laughter along with Lillian and Charlotte and Ian smiles and squeezes my leg. "That must have been a really clean window!" The rest of the lunch was full of laughter.

Later, after a bit of bowling with Lillian and Charlotte, Ian gives them a lift home, we are driving back to my dorm when Ian turns to me "Lyla, would you like to come back to mine for a couple of drinks?" he says with a cheeky grin. "Just a few drinks?" I smile "Maybe dinner too?" "Ok, now I'm sold! What are we having?" he laughs, "I was thinking ordering in? You can pick" we continue to drive to his.

When we get to his apartment, he opens a bottle of wine and pours us out a glass as we decide what to order. With the food ordered we are sat talking "Ian, You told Lillian and Charlotte I was your girlfriend after we agreed?" He sighs, "Lyla, that wasn't the plan but I also I didn't want to lie or deny it. But if you feel uncomfortable I'm...." I cut him off with a kiss, and he places his hands in my hair deepening the kiss.

His tongue plays with mine, he pulls back a little and grips my lip between his teeth. "Ian!" He pulls me back in, his hands start to roam my body, and he leans in more making me lay back onto the couch. His body is pressed on top of mine, his hands move my legs, so he can settle between them and mine tangle in his hair making him groan,"Lyla!".

I push him back up, he looks shocked "Ian, it's your birthday and as I didn't know until this morning I didn't have time to get you a present so this morning when you dropped me back to my dorm I decide to put on my best underwear especially for you!" I pull out my phone and press play weirdly enough Katy Perry's Birthday song plays. I get up and start swaying my hips to the beat "God...." He swallows hard.

I move towards him spreading his legs and dance between them his hands come up to grab my hips, but I slap them away "Ah ah ah, NO TOUCHING!" he curses under his breath. I lose my shirt and toss it at him before I straddle his lap. I can see him trying to fight the urge to touch me as I grind my hips against his.

I pull him forward by his tie and kiss him. He tries to deepen it, but I push him back "Lyla, you will be the death of me!" I wink at him before I get off his lap, turn and move my hips to the beat as I start to pull down my jeans. I turn to look over my shoulder at Ian and his eyes are focused on my arse.

My jeans drop to the floor and I turn watching Ian fully take in the view. I climb back onto his lap and kiss him hard, he groans and bites my lip again, I feel him smirk against my lips "You can touch me now!" His hands cup my breasts before his lips move from my lips, down my neck to my chest, he runs his tongue over my nipple.

"Ian! Wow!"  I unbutton his waistcoat and push it off him before tossing it over my shoulder. His hands move down my body and rest on my thighs, I grind against his hard member "Ohh Lyla!"  his lips crash against mine as I undo his shirt, I pull back just a little "I hope your birthday is everything you dreamed it would be Ian?" his eyes catch mine.

"It's been better than every dream I've had since I met you!"  he says in a husky tone in one swift movement he has me pinned against the couch as he kisses me hard. His hands run up my thigh to my centre, he strokes against me "Ian...I need to taste you!" I push him back until he's laying on the couch and I undo his trouser pulling them down with his boxers freeing him.

I take him in my hand and run my tongue from the base to the tip he groans, I fully take him in my mouth and work my way up and down him. He thrust his hip up, so I speed up my movements and slow them down teasing him "Lyla, it's not nice to teas...." he doesn't finish his sentence as I speed up again.

His hand tangles into my hair, he grips my hair and pulls a little. "God Lyla, I'm going to come!!" I double my efforts soon enough he reaches the edge "Fuck...Lyla!" "Happy birthday Ian!" I smirk as I come back up and his lips find mine. He takes my hand and pulls me up to stand he leads me towards his bedroom, but stops before we get to the door.

He pushes me hard against the wall, his lips cover mine once again, then he moves them down my body. He pulls down my underwear and lets them fall to the floor before he throws one of my legs over his shoulder as he is crouched down. "Ian what are yo..." His mouth finds my centre "Ohh Iannnnn!" he laps at my centre "Ian I need you," he looks up at me with a smirk "Not yet!"  I huff, he moves his tongue against my centre again before he hits the spot where I need him most.

He starts off slowly with small and drawn out thrusts, he curses under his breath, my hands grip his shoulders and my lips kiss against his pulse line. This spurs him on his thrust speed up "Yes!! Ian just like that!" I moan against his neck. With each thrust he becomes more urgent, my nails dig into his back, and he groans, "Oh god, mark me Lyla."  I dig my nails in more and drag them down his back "Fuck yes! That's it mark me as yours" I move my lips up his neck and nip his ear lobe.

I gasp his hair "oooohhhhhh!" then he stops "Why have you stopped?" He doesn't answer me, he just stands and his hands unclip my bra. He pulls down the straps "Lyla, you are beautiful!" "Do you want to show me how beautiful?" He lifts up my legs and wraps them around his hips before running his hard member along my entrance he smirks then enters me.

His thrust comes harder and faster I grip onto him as I'm about to lose myself. I know he can tell I'm near the edge as he pounds slowly out of me and hard back in "Wow Ian, keep doing that....Yes Ohhh!" I'm spent. Ian's lips brush against my ear "Come again for me" this build up the pressure again inside me.

He continues his same movements that sent me over the edge before and it's not long before I'm looking over again"Fuck! Ian come with me" he thrusts into me as hard as he can my legs are shaking. I fall over the edge for the second time and Ian falls with me "God Lyla! I love you!" "Ohh..I love you too!"  we are both panting barely catching our breath then the buzzer goes.

Ian looks at me "That will be the food!" he quickly dresses and I clean up in the bathroom. When I return he's lit a couple of candles and set up the table. "Aww! Ian!" He smiles brightly at me which melts my heart.

A few days later I'm heading to Ian's office with some essays I have graded. I knock and enter "Professor, I've graded those essays you wanted!" I hear a gasp, I look up to see Lillian sat opposite Ian "Ian, she's a student?!?"

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 4.

[themostexpensiveboningknife]

2020

Failed party, money in drawer, communicate, move house, move boxes, drive in van, walk to shops, buy noodles, think it’s the end, see whole bus of soldiers in Beijing, new area, walk in darkness, think about leaving, leave, think its temporary, in taxi, post stupid photos, check and check again phone, think people with goggles on my plane are over reacting, take off my mask to eat, keep taking off to loosen, arrive back in London. Tube. Cold. Pub. Party at WeWork. Exhibition at Dulwich Gallery. Farringdon. Drugs and drinks. Brockley, South east London. DJ. Ethiopian food. Morley’s Peckham. Walking on the River. Photographer friend’s house. Canal cycle. National Gallery. Car crash, Dalston. Omar Souleyman. Corsica Studios. Meet girl, back to my friends, back to hers, sex. Morning up to mum’s best friends birthday, Covent Garden restaurant. In a van, Sunday roast. Chisenhale Gallery. arebyte Gallery. Getting worse in China, seems nice and easy and calm in England. Camberwell beers and more. Second-hand book shops, Charing Cross Road. Courtauld. Leafed through a book about a man who lived his entire 86.5 years in East London. Still talking to the same girl back in China. Both believe I’ll be back soon. Chicken wings. West London, meal. South London pub. DJing somewhere inside. Kent, see grandma. Rave, Bermondsey. Friends from Israel and Germany arrive. More drinks, more drugs. Mixing friends. Gay bar in Bethnal Green for old friend’s birthday. Acid, confused and hilarious. Tate Britain. Serpentine. Cranes on the bridge. Liverpool Street film screening. Feels shallow, but good. Begin regular E Pellici sojourns. Primrose Hill with Dad. Beer festival with Keaton and co. Peckham, school friend’s house, bad vibe. More drinks, more drugs. Working on first music compilation with Slowcook and Fafa. Begin watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies. Watching Breaking Bad. At some point have huge argument with my brother, it went like this: He came home from work and I was sitting watching Breaking Bad, he asks, “Have you been like that all day?” I either took it in the wrong way or picked up on a sly dig. It was probably me, but at this point I was pretty self-conscious and worried about going back to China and whether or not I would have a job back there. Was getting surprisingly pissed off with my brother mentioning his work, felt like an affront to me. Weird. He goes crazy (he has a short fuse), punching a wall, ready to fight me. My mum is pretty upset. A few days later I go into his room and try to patch things up. Turns into a deeper chat. He feels like I haven’t been a good brother to him, he gives the example of not looking out for him on his first days of school. I say I’m sorry, it’s because I’m a bit scared and insecure. In retrospect I regret a little laying so much weakness on the table, seems his interactions/ways of acting around me have changed a bit. Still not sure how I feel about it all. Considered getting a gold tooth with Matthew. Play with cats, enjoying them more and more. Rave in Dalston, good music from Asia and beyond. Looking at magazines. Not doing much work at all. Being out and about instead. Go to Norfolk. It’s beautiful, but get way too drunk on first night, sick everywhere, wake up naked in sick. Massive fucking shitshow. Majority of people there have no choice but to act weirdly around me now, which is understandable. Still some nice aspects. One girl there surely hates me a lot. Tate Modern. Art stuff by self is good. Corsica Studios, semi-art, semi-music event. Mr. Bao for first time of many. Radio in Tottenham. Take drugs. Pubs. Drive to Asda with brother to stock up on food. It’s March and the reality of the pandemic is hitting. More canal cycling. First and only group chat on Zoom. BH Funk. Probably have taken cocaine and messaged one of three or four girls numerous times by now. If there’s one, in the cold light of day, horrible and disgusting thing I’ve done too much this year it’s this. Incessant messaging of poor girls that I know will react (although increasingly they don’t, I manage to alienate even close friends in this way). Southbank and The Mall with Nick. Reading about Wuhan. List of good texts. Continuing to do some writing. Making WeChat posts for guī WeChat, including mix series and miniessays. Greenwich park with Matthew. Grime quiz online. Delivering food regularly for my mum’s school. Hackney Marshes with Luan. Epping Forest with Mum and Dad. By this point probably have woken up feeling sorry for myself in Ludo’s flat, after untold amounts of alcohol and cocaine. Online rave. Beijing artists only mix. Go to Switzerland, pass through Italy on the way. Its breath taking, the mountains, the expanse of scenery, not used to it. Climbing up mountains with no one around. Rolo and Patrick and Rita smoke too much weed. I really, really, really still hate smoking it. Feel a bit annoyed how long we spend sitting around while they smoke, but this is way outbalanced by the uniqueness of where we are and the beauty all around. Producing more and more, actually getting somewhere. Cooking more and more food. Reading more and more, like: Black and British, The Corrections, Real Fast Food, Bass, Mids, Tops, Zadie Smith, Olivia Lang, Graham Greene, JG Ballard, Monica Ali, Mo Yan, Jenny Zhang, John le Carre, Naked Lunch, Nabokov, Bukowski, Zora Neale Hurston, Wiley, Bitcoin, Murakami, Judith E. Butler, The Painter of Modern Life, Maupassant, Chekov, Video Art, Gravity’s Rainbow (couldn’t finish), Anaïs Nin, The Net Delusion (couldn’t finish), The Establishment and how they got away with it (couldn’t finish), Roddy Doyle, The Secret of Scent, General Intellects, Women In Love, The Intelligent Investor, Lyndon Johnson. Victoria Park more often than I can remember. To Chrissy’s house. Mile End Park. Very regularly sitting on the river in Wapping. Bring the chessboard and play Ludo sometimes, people smile and look at you differently when you’re playing chess and drinking beers versus just sitting and drinking beer. I May Destroy You. Industry. The beautiful wide expanse of Hackney Marshes. My incessant quest to reach 1000 followers in Instagram. More cycling, and I hate to say it but it really was: Here there and everywhere. Margate with my Dad to see my grandma in hospital and saw the Turner Prize exhibition. Light blue like scrubs, the sky and sun felt eternal. Swimming in dirty water. Make a DJ mix of old 2000s Road Rap. Eat cheese in Peckham. Cycle along the canal north, keep going and going through Tottenham, past Enfield keep going, it’s mad how quickly it becomes quiet fields on all sides, arrive to some kind of lake, swim and then back to the centre of town. Outside a Hawksmoor church in Shadwell ate chicken with Karim and Ludo. DJing. From my bedroom window saw a big crane in the middle of the night sitting on the canal. Begin developing the second DCCY compilation this time with BULLY magazine. Go to a house in an old school in Camberwell. Discover new secret riverside spots in East London. Finally give up my apartment in Beijing. Mile End park. Cycle further and further East to a pedestrian bridge I didn’t know existed. Get onto the beach and into the Thames water. Interview Akito. Begin writing more, after few months of wiling away the summertime. My friend Emmy gets married in Rwanda, I give him some money as a wedding gift which he tells me he used to buy his wife’s dress. Protests in HK always on TV. Get more into finances, crypto and trading, and just saving in general. Had sex with an old friend. Now meeting a girl I first knew years ago in Beijing. More secret river spots. Keaton has his baby, Noah. More times on Hackney Marshes. Barbican conservatory. Watching more films, try to watch all the films of some directors including: Jia Zhangke, Bong Joon-ho, Edward Yang, Wong Kar-wai, Apichatpong Weerasethakul. Decide to watch all of the infamous lauded series, go through Breaking Bad, The Wire and The Sopranos. Go to the seaside for a few days, camping also. Henry Wu album launch in a car park in Bermondsey. Go to visit Keaton’s baby for the first time. Good photography exhibition at Photographer’s Gallery. Go to Wallace Collection again. August. Go to Berlin. Swimming in Berlin lakes until I get an ear infection. It makes me drowsy and lethargic, but still seems to spend all my time cycling around the city. On one night cycle for hours to a rave on the outskirts of the city. Like a lot the abandoned airport in Berlin. Oh yeah, vaping. Found a dead bumble bee. Speak with Nevin about projects. Write a piece about the future of the art world for a magazine being started by Nevin’s friend in Canada. Go to Lithuania. Walk around Vilnius, get too drunk by myself. Get to the Curonian Spit and Nida, beaches and new friends. For the Nightlife Residency project. For a short while life is like on a desert island of new food, new people, new locations, quiet and new meaning. Go to the Russian border on the beach. Cycle to the road boarder and get stopped by the police. Go nude on the beach for the first time. Sauna, sand dunes and forests. DJ out for the first time in ages, this time with Nono. To Kaunus and try nice and stodgy Georgian food for the first time. Hackney Wick back for party. Meet a ginger girl online and go on a date. Wallace Collection again. Free beer and pizza. White Cube. National Gallery, Titian. On BBC Radio London with my Dad. Riverside beers. Saw a lost swan near my front door. Meet Keaton near his work, one of many times. Making more and more music, getting better. Decide I need more organisation and clarity, put everything I’ve done on a blog. More or less long since given up on my job at M Woods. But don’t really begin looking for anything new because it’s still sunny. At some point I start getting benefits money. Go to see La Haine in the cinema. Someone blocks me on WeChat because of me. Some pub somewhere. Sunday walks and breakfast with my parents. Go to an exhibition in Woolworth Road with Muzi. Realise how nice it is to run to Victoria Park along the canal. Vicky Park in general. Dinners at friends’ houses. Museum of London. Walking with Michael in some countryside near London, surprising how quickly things turn green. Break onto a pier in Wapping with Jack. Battersea Park. Tate, Bruce Nauman. Old Street Weatherspoon’s with Keaton, drugs. Central London cemetery. Chinese in Camberwell. Chinese in Aldgate. Italian in Camberwell. More and more exercise, running, weights and yoga with my brother. Sadie Coles. Nick, Central London. Gucci Mane. Hampstead Heath more because Ludo and his flatmates are nearby. Ludo’s now house more for days and nights of you guessed it. Borough Market more, with Emma. Alexandra Palace walk and famous sandwiches after. Tate Britian new lights. More time at Muzi’s. Signing up for cycle courier. LYL Radio show. Shave head. Take acid and it hurts my stomach. Camden Arts Centre with Muzi. Christmas party with friends. Birthday. Cake with Muzi, presents and Indian takeaway from family, walk in Vicky Park with Ludo and Karim plus battered sausage and chips. Christmas at home nice and warming meal. Evening to Ludo’s place with more friends. Boxing day with Matthew, pints and then more at his house in Peckham all night long. Next day is tough! Giant turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey curry. Buy first NFTs. New Year’s Eve stay in at Muzi’s, one drink and a cake.