#found my adapter and tried googling my way through

[problemeule]

screaming crying rolling on the floor

[ktaerssoi]

cheering for us pt. 2

pt. 1

summary; the three first dates with kate martin

kate martin x cheerleader!reader

you had been cheering your girlfriend on from the sidelines for four years, the first two years you were just hopelessly staring out on the court doing your routine cheers, praying that she would see you. then she did, and the two years since then have been truly nothing but bliss. 

you have countless stories of the dates the two of you have gone on, but none of them can top the first three. 

date one, the movies. 

traditionally, first dates at the movies aren't great. sitting in a crumby theater with a bunch of other people where you can't talk for at least an hour? and you're supposed to bond with someone? That's why your plans to go to the movies were adapted. 

kate had picked you up from your apartment at six o'clock on the dot. you had a feeling she wasn't exactly sure what she was doing from the moment she had asked you to the movies. 

it was half time and the spirit was high as you and the rest of the cheer squad tried to ramp up the energy. Iowa was down by 6, and you could tell Kate was stressed. you guys had been friends for a little while at that point, she called you her "good luck charm." she told people she never did well at games when you weren't there. needless to say, people already thought you guys had something going on. 

because it was halftime, you and the team had been instructed to go out onto the court and do some sort of routine. it wasn't bad, to say the least, the crowd ate it up at the team seemed to be ready to lock in for when the third quarter started.   

before you could leave the court Kate had grabbed your arm. "hey do you want to catch a movie sometime?" the words had tumbled out of her mouth and your adrenaline kick mixed with the fact that she was the only person you thought about while performing made you give her an instant "yes!" an answer that you would not regret in the future.   

Now, you were standing in the lobby of the movie theater, playful banter between you and Kate as you argued whether Skittles or M&M's were better. (it's skittles.) you guys had gone to see some Marvel movie, Marvel being a movie series that you originally bonded over. 

as the two of you were walking out of the theater, you realized that it would be time to part ways for the night. but, it was your turn to be spontaneous. "hey, wanna go back to my place?" you bit your lip trying to gauge her reaction, and as you saw the look of a middle school boy thinking about what "going back to my place" could mean, you quickly added onto your statement. "or we could get food or something, I just don't want to go yet." 

kate saw your nervous demeanor, thinking it was cute you didn't want to leave yet. "yeah sure, I could eat." 

-

You had been ranting to Kate for the whole twenty-minute drive to some diner you found on Google Maps, and she would occasionally have a question or words of advice. 

When you pulled into the parking lot before you could even unbuckle your seatbelt Kate was opening the door for you, her hand extended out to you. "Thanks," you mumbled as you tried to hide your flustered state. 

walking into the diner, you quickly get seated. you were almost self-conscious of how much you had been talking, biting your lip to try and silence your words. 

Kate clears her throat, looking down at the menu before her eyes flick up to you. "so, whatcha getting?" You snap out of your thoughts, picking up the menu and flipping through it. "um, I don't know, probably a sandwich or something.." 

"Mmm, sounds good, I think I'll go for the burger. You okay? You're quiet all of a sudden." She sets the menu down, crossing her arms. She was staring at you. intensely. 

"I, uh, yeah. I'm fine, I just want to get to know you more." It's your turn to cross your arms, thinking of more topics to talk about. Kate takes a deep breath, narrowing her eyes at you. "Okay, what do you want to know? That you don't already know, I mean." 

You smile, a playful eye roll following it. "Well, what did you think of the movie?" She takes yet another deep breath, smiling. "It was good, gotta love Dr. Strange." 

"Dr. Strange? That is your favorite character? seriously?" You scoff, then quickly sit up straight as a waiter comes over to your table. She jots down your drink orders, letting you know that she would be back shortly with them.  

"Yes, Dr. Strange. He's hot in a way.." Kate says sheepishly, her cheeks becoming red. "No shot you just called Dr. Strange hot. I thought you were supposed to like me! hm, you know, I'm thinking this was all just some ploy to go fangirl over him."

"What? I'm offended, truly." She raises her hand to her chest in mock offense, her mouth agape. "And I would take a date with you over Dr. Strange any day." You nod a smile on your face at her antics. 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. but I swear if I catch you watching edits I'm out of here." 

date two, the fair 

A week or two after your first date you got a text from Kate, inviting you to go to the fair for some double date. You accepted before even finding out who the second couple was, but you knew it would be fine as long as Kate was there. 

You found out later on the phone that night that the second couple would be Caitlin and her boyfriend, and that's when it hit you. caitlin and Conner weren't the second couples, you and Kate were. To most people, that wouldn't mean anything, but to you it made you think that Kate had been talking about how awkward the first date was and Caitlin decided to step in and help. 

Or you were overthinking. Definitely overthinking. 

-

You smiled as you read the text that Kate had sent you letting you know she was outside. You waved as you walked up to her car, "Hi Kate," You watched as her face lit up, color rushing to her cheeks. "Hey," She said breathlessly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 

"Oh my gosh I am so excited for funnel cake." you ranted as she drove to Caitlin's, the four of you deciding to take her car. "I only had it once, and it was in like the seventh grade with a bunch of my friends but it was so good." 

"Really? I dunno, I think fried ice cream is far better." She liked hearing you talk, it gave her time to think. mostly think about you, and if it wasn't you, it was your future together. "What about the games? I mean, the ring toss is so fun" 

You were surprised, you had been friends for a month or two before she asked you out, but even then she listened to you more than she spoke. "Really? Aren't there rides too? I feel like I remember a drop ride" 

"Uhh, yeah. I'm not a big fan of them though, it's freaky that they get taken down and put back up so quickly. Cait likes them though, so you could probably get her on a ride." She bites her lip, shuddering as she thinks about the structure of the attractions. 

"Yeah, sure sounds fun." You mumble as the car pulls into Caitlin's complex. "Are they nice? like I know Caitlin chill with you, but like how is Conner, do you think they would like me?" You fidget with your hands, trying to relax. 

"They'll like you, I swear." She parks the car, grabbing your hand, and giving it a gentle squeeze before she got out to open your door. making your way up to Caitlin's apartment.

You take a deep breath as you watch Kate knock on the door, trying to calm your nerves. You relax as you see Caitlin's warm smile, you had never met her before, not officially, but you could tell she was kind. 

Caitlin cared for her teammates and you were aware of how close she and Kate were, that's why you were surprised when she pulled Kate in for a hug. She quickly remembered that you were there too, and pulled back flashy you one of her signature smile. 

"Hey, I'm Caitlin." she sticks out her hand, which you quickly accept. "Nice to meet you, Kate has told me so much about you." You smile at her, following Kate as Caitlin leads the two of you into her apartment. 

You have a similar introduction with Conner, and soon after, the four of you leave to head to the fairgrounds. You and Kate found yourselves situated in the backseat while Caitlin and Conner took the front. 

-

"Oh my god funnel cake!" You laughed as you dropped Kate's hand, running over to the stand. "You're so immature." Kate laughed as she caught up to you, pulling out her wallet. "Hey woah, what are you doing? I got it, it's for me after all." You narrowed your eyes at her, pulling out your wallet. 

"Nuh-uh, I'm getting this...please?" She gave you her signature puppy dog eyes, and you knew you couldn't say no, opting to instead shake your head as you watched her pay. "Unbelievable." You mumbled as Kate walked over to you, a plate of funnel cake in hand. 

"shut up, you love me." She quickly realized what she said, and the color drained from her face slightly. "I, um, I didn't mean it like that I just," You nod, a smile of adoration on your face as you watch her get all flustered. 

"It's fine, I know what you meant." You grinned down at your food, picking up a piece and trying some, a look of surprise on your face. "That's so good! Oh my god, seriously try some. What?" You look up to see Kate already staring at you, a look you couldn't quite read present on her face. 

"Nothing, it's just, i don't know. You're so pretty." She tucks her hair behind her ears, something she does when she's nervous, and you realize that Caitlin and Conner have disappeared. "thank you, I mean, you're really really pretty too," You stutter, not exactly sure what to think. 

"Can I kiss you?" She asks quickly, her eyes flashing between your eyes and your lips. "Yes." You don't even think about it before pushing yourself up onto your tippy toes to level your heights. Her lips crash onto yours no more than a second later, passion and adrenaline coursing through the two of you. 

You were the first to pull away, letting your feet fall flat as you took a deep breath. "Woah," you say breathlessly, your close proximity still clouding your brain. 

Kate chuckles, a sound you wish to never forget, as she brushes a stray hair out of your face. "You are so pretty." She stares at you, not breaking eye contact for a second. dodging the compliment, you ask a question, "Where'd Caitlin and Conner go?" 

"Um, I think to get a pretzel, Conner was hungry or something. I don't know, the guys a tool," she says as she looks around, seeing if she can spot them in the crowd. "Kate!" you yelp, playfully hitting her shoulder. 

"What? Are you telling me it's not true?" She smiles down at you, waiting for your objection. "Exactly, the guy is a tool!" You shake your head, amused by her antics. 

Best second date ever. 

date three, a picnic 

Not even a day after your date at the fair you ran into Kate at the gym, and she had asked you out, yet again. This time she was more formal with it. 

You had been packing up your things, it was late, almost four. You had been walking out of the shower area, taking out your AirPods when you ran into someone. "Oh my god, I am so- oh, hey Kate." You flashed her a wide smile, happy to run into her. 

"Hey, I didn't know you came here?" She crossed her arms, and you watched as they flexed under her shirt. "Yeah, I switched gyms a few months ago, longggg story." You smiled, pulling your eyes away from her biceps.

Sensing the conversation coming to a close you began to walk away, but were quickly stopped when Kate lightly tugged on your arm. "Want to go out again this week? We could have a picnic or something, I'll plan it and everything I just want to hang out with you."

You nod your head, watching her intently. "Yeah sure, I would love to, text me about it later." She looked at you expectingly, and you almost didn't understand what she wanted. "I'll see you around Kate." You were going to keep her waiting. 

-

The plans had been made that night, she had called you after practice, telling you all about her day. One thing about phone calls with Kate is that she was a completely different person. She was talkative, saying anything that came to mind, regardless of your opinions.

The two of you decided to have a picnic the following day.

-

"hey," you smiled at kate as she opened the door, moving to let you into her apartment. "hi, i just need to grab some stuff and then we can go, okay?" kate looked at you, waiting for your reassurance.

"oh yeah, sounds good." you nodded, taking the moment alone to look around her space. Kate kept a clean home, all the blankets were folded neatly and everything seemed to be in its place. Either Kate was surprisingly clean-lined, or she had clean profusely before your arrival.

You snapped out of your thoughts as Kate walked back into the living room, blanket and cooler in hand. "Ready?" Kate questioned as she nodded toward the door, you responded wordlessly, walking over to the door and holding it open for her.

"Are we taking my car or yours?" You asked as you held your picnic supplies while Kate locked her front door. "Mine, obviously. I mean, it's the one with the bigger backseat." She says with a grin.

Confused, you narrow your eyes at her, not understanding her implications. "What does size have to- oh. I get it." Kate nods, a smirk on her face at your bashful state. "Mhm," She hums as she walks over the the drivers side of her car.

You quickly place the items you were carrying into the backseat, Kate was right, the backseat was bigger in her car. "So, where are we off to?" You question as you hop into the passenger seat.

"It's a surprise," Kate notices your hesitation at her comment, "a good surprise a swear." You nod, anxious for the possibilities of the night. "So, what did you think of the other night?" Kate asked, her hand inching closer to your leg as she drove.

"Like, the people or the night in general? because the fair was great, the company, not so much." You grin, shrugging your shoulders as she gasps. "Well, here i was thinking i was taking out a nice girl, but really you're just leading me on. What a shame." Kate tries to contain her laughter, but fails as she sees you giggle.

"No, seriously, it was a lot of fun. Did Caitlin like me? I mean, her liking me is almost as important as your family." Your question is joking, but Kate can sense the hint of true curiosity in your words.

"Yeah actually, i was talking to her after practice yesterday and she said that she really liked hanging out with us. She even invited us to some party." Kate had taken her arm away from your leg to make a turn, and you miss the feeling of slight anticipation from your closeness, but quickly regain your excitement when you realize where you've arrived.

"Oh my gosh, i haven't been to the beach in ages!" you smile, opening your door as soon as the car was in park. Kate watches as you run down the boardwalk, kicking off your sandals as you rush down to the water. "Calm down, Killer, we still have to eat before you go and drown in your excitement."

"Hey, i'll have you know that i was on swim team! The only one with the possibility of drowning in excitement is you, because your here with me," You send Kate a wink, watching her face flush at the simple action.

"Okay, lets not get to cocky." Kate shakes her head, as she continues her walk to a picnic table not far from the water, you close behind her. "So, what did you bring?" Your face lights up as she pulls out a fruit salad, and to her surprise you get even happier when she tells you she brought cookies too.

"You're seriously to sweet," You take a moment to admire Kate, taking note of the way loose strand of hair falls perfectly from her ponytail, how her hands are calloused from years of refining her sport, she was breath taking.

"What?" The sound of kate's voice pulled you from your thoughts. "Nothing, you're just amazing. I mean, you didn't have to do any of this." You sit down across from her at the table, looking at all the food. "Is it to much? If it is i totally understand, we can just go get pizza or something,"

"What? No this is literally so sweet, i'm just really grateful." You grab her hand, giving it a squeeze of reassurance. "We never talked about our kiss." The words tumbled out of Kate's mouth, like she had been thinking of saying it since it happened.

"Well what is there to say?" Your eyebrows knitting together at her statement, you thought it was a good kiss, not relationship defining though. "I don't know, it was good." Kate bites her lip as she hands you one of the paper plates she brought.

"I thought so too," you laughed, thinking back to the memory. "I had a lot of fun, i really like hanging out with you." you pop a piece of pineapple into your mouth, punctuating your statement. "You trying to ask me to be your girlfriend or something?" you nearly choke on said pineapple, the thought of calling Kate yours being insane.

Clearing your throat, you spit out your thoughts. "Is that what you want me to be asking?" Kate's eyes widen slightly as she pushes a grape around her plate, shrugging. "I mean, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea.."

You shake your head at her attempt to be nonchalant. "Okay then, Kate Martin, would you be my girlfriend?" You bite your lip, awaiting her answer. "Well now it feels forced!" Kate laughs, nodding her head yes. "but yes, i would love to be your girlfriend."

"cool, good thing we talked about that kiss." You laughed, getting up to throw your plate away in a near by trash can. Kate pulled you close to her as you came up behind her after discarding your plate, her chin resting against your stomach.

"you're so pretty," Kate mumbled as she stared up at you through her eyelashes. "Uh-oh, thats what you said last time we kissed and now i'm stuck with you!" You giggled as Kate stood up, muttering a little "shut up," before her lips were on yours for the second time that week.

"Is that how you talk to your girlfriend?" You cross your arms as the two of you separate. "Seriously shut up, i'm not done." Kate rolls her eyes, pulling you closer to her once again.

That bigger backseat did come in handy.

notes: a special thank u to my fav person ever, @girlokwhatever.. i swear im going to bed after this.

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S02E10 - The French Connection

The episode from which I found out that there are some islands close to Canada that belong to France somehow. And apparently now there's also a crime show set in those islands?

From Wikipedia: Saint-Pierre is a Canadian police procedural television series, slated to premiere in the 2024–25 season on CBC Television. The series stars Alan Hawco as Donny "Fitz" Fitzpatrick, a police officer with the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary; after one of his investigations gets uncomfortably close to the corruption of a powerful local politician, he is exiled to the French territory of Saint-Pierre and Miquelon, where he partners with local police officer Geneviève "Arch" Archambault (Joséphine Jobert) to to solve local crimes.

Now, wait a second. That's about half the plot of this Hudson and Rex episode!

Anyway, on to the episode.

A girl carrying baguettes on a bicycle???

"I hope he's not some pretentious Godard-quoting chain smoker." Just once, look around before you speak.

I got you now, mister Black Coffee. That's more milk than what I put in my latte.

We've already established some of the most popular stereotypes for French and Canadian people. Valerie is already snobbish and Charlie has already apologized once.

While on duty?

Oh my god his face when the dude spits out the gin in the spit bucket lmao

I like many kinds of drinks but I admit that gin leaves me uninterested. I don't know what it is about it.

Well, hello there, Aaron Ashmore, twin brother of Shawn Ashmore. For anyone who doesn't know, this not the guy who's on The Rookie, but he is the guy who was on Killjoys, with Mayko Nguyen.

People keep handing Valerie drinks and Charlie keeps saying "we're on duty". Just give up.

Why does he look so happy to be digging through trash???

Claire just said that there's no law against lying to the police. What?

Valerie, when you doubt Charlie, it's funny. When you doubt Sarah and Rex, you sound like a twat.

Well, don't sound so proud about it.

"You're more comfortable with dogs than people". Probably, but that's because people are often twats.

Charlie's face is pure comedy in this episode. So funny.

Sarah gets to go undercover AND drink gin. Well, if we call that drinking.

She says "you guys" but only looks at Charlie. You're not even subtle.

Charlie: Oh, hell to the no. This is a trap.

Valerie is not wrong here. That's gross, not to mention unsanitary. He'd put so much milk in it that it must have gone bad by now. And judging by his reaction when he takes a sip, it probably has. Never drink coffee with dairy that's been left out for more than two hours, folks.

I only wish I could capture the following scene with Sarah and Jesse competing on who's going to deliver the new evidence that they have found out. But I think Sarah's "I'll fucking murder that twink" face is very telling.

Now, cognac, I like. Although, according to google, the most expensive cognac is Henri IV, not V. I'm sure they've written that intentionally. The real cognac is worth up to 2 million dollars, by the way. People are crazy.

Charlie does not understand any of this and to be honest, neither am I. Any bottle of wine that costs more than 20 Euros is a scam. Any clear alcohol like whiskey, gin, rum, vodka, that costs more than 50 Euros is also a scam.

"No CCTV cameras anywhere. You might say that it's the perfect place for murder". I don't remember a lot of cases outdoors that were solved by watching CCTV cameras either way. Which makes sense. I mean, how many CCTV cameras does a city like St. John's need?

This is such a funny episode, really.

We must do this at least once in any Rex adaptation. I bet it's in the contracts lol

Joe: *counts* One [Valerie], two [Charlie], *skips Jesse* three of you [Rex] are going on a trip. lol poor Jesse.

*tries to speak French and gets guns pointed at him* Come on, it wasn't that bad, was it? (Yes, I'd have put that line in there if I could.)

That's why he'll move soon!

The chase scene was good too.

Ugh, Valerie has her finger on the trigger. No.

Joe: "Can anyone explain to me why I was asked to comp a 300 dollar cognac bill?" Justice isn't cheap, Superintendent. Although for that many bottles... I mean, I can't find cognac that cheap here.

We had whiskey glasses in S1, what the hell happened?

Well, I enjoyed that. I didn't remember it was such a funny episode. And I maxed out the image limit again.

[compo67]

Slowly, but Surely (Don't Call Me Shirley)

Hello, hello.

i am slowly, but surely, recharging my creative batteries. There's less pressure now, but with good things happening. A detailed account of what's been happening. All below the cut. TLDR at the end.

Let's start with the good.

I went to the Big Gay Market in Madison, WI for the weekend. It was marvelous. There were people of all kinds of genders, an affirming and friendly environment, and so many creatives. I felt like I was in community and it's been a long time since I've felt that way. I was sad when it ended. But I bought the most beautiful wreath to hang in my room. I'll snap a picture of it when I can.

I studied the entire month of June, whenever I had a spare moment and for dedicated study sessions.

I made a total of 300 flashcards, wrote 40 pages in my notebook, used 2 test prep books, 3 learning system books, a 100 page summary of competencies, and 2 apps. I answered 2800 practice questions on those apps. I practiced and practiced until I reached at least an 80% in each competency.

And what happened?

I PASSED.

I kicked that exam in the ass! When I saw "passed" on the screen, I nearly whooped in the testing center. I cried in my car as I relayed the news to my mom, who is also an HR professional. I could not believe it. I still can't. Cal Owens, SHRM-CP. It feels SO GOOD to have letters after my name.

I'm also still on that high of completing my HR Management certificate with "high honors" and then earning my SHRM certification right after it.

Then, at the end of May, right before my birthday, I sent in an application to the Arboretum nearby. They were looking for an HR Coordinator. And they weren't requiring at least 3 years experience or a BS in HR. After the radio silence for a month and a half, I gave up on them getting back to me. I sent a follow-up email, as instructed by my mentor, and still no reply. I figured I was set aside and I moved on to apply for more jobs.

Lo and behold, the Arb emailed last week and offered me a phone interview! I spoke with their Talent Acquisition specialist way past the 30 minute time slot, which I took as a good sign. Next step was to have a virtual meeting.

But guess what? They invited me for an in-person meeting instead! My interview was at 9 AM CST yesterday. it was LOVELY. i genuinely enjoyed speaking to the Sr HR Manager. We chatted for almost 90 minutes. It went by so fast. I felt like I had answers to all her questions, however, I wonder if I was direct and clear enough? I haven't interviewed since 2021, and before that since 2016. So I know I'm rusty, I hope my enthusiasm for the role got noticed.

I should know by early next week if they will move me to the third and final round--meeting the VP of HR. The Coordinator will be responsible for managing the VP of HR's schedule in Google. I just learned how to do scheduling in Outlook, I'm sure I can do it in Google.

Anyway! I can see myself working there. The pay meets the market for that kind of job around here, and the benefits are exceptional. And the view from the admin building? Beautiful. There's just a small lane to walk through from the parking lot to the building. I felt like I was in Jane Austen novel. *Dreamy sigh.*

Fingers crossed.

Okay, so let's get the not-so-good stuff over with.

Caregiving for my father continues to be a challenge. I am the only one of his 3 kids he 100% trusts and is close to. I don't get a lot of support from my sisters because A) he prefers me to handle things and B) they don't offer. I always have to ask, and even then, most of the time I end up doing the thing anyway. Sigh.

I tried a bunch of adaptive equipment things for my dad in June. I bought him an electric tea kettle that sits in a cradle and tips over to pour so you don't have to lift it. Well, it works okay for that, but he can't see how much he's filled the kettle. So that went back. I found a pen that "talks" to you. That's been a game changer. You get special labels with bumps on them, tap the pen to the label, and you can record a sound clip! so i attached them to every medication he has in the house. he's been using the pen! Now I just need to convince him to use his white cane.

Watching my dad go through losing his vision has been very difficult. He's a completely different man than the one I knew just 5 years ago. Little by little, things are changing and that change can get overwhelming. I did manage to find him a peer to peer phone program for folks with low vision. He gets a call every month to chat with a lady name Yvies from New Jersey and just talk about what it's like being low vision. I am so grateful to her. The organization will be creating a caregiver support group in the fall and I am on the waitlist.

So, yes. I've gotten overwhelmed at some points, impatient at others, but I show up. In the future, I want to know, that without a doubt, I was there for my father. I just need to figure out how to balance this and find ways to get help.

I continue to miss Henry and my grandma.

Sometime between this past Saturday and Sunday, I fell ill. Like, nauseated, dizzy, lightheaded. [Content Warning: The GI System Going Whack] Then Sunday, I could not retain food or water. I held out for Monday and Tuesday to see if I got better with a little imodium and zofran. Wednesday morning at 7:30 AM, I called my doctor and she said, "Get thee to the ER."

So, I went. My mother was with me. In miracles of all miracles, I only had to wait an hour to be seen in the ER. I was there from 8 AM to 12:30 PM and in that period of time, I got an ultrasound, labs, an IV with a bag of saline, pain meds, and reassurance that my gallbladder and liver were doing fine. And no one misgendered me. It was a good ER trip.

The ER doctor and my PCP have no idea what knocked me out for 5 days. Could have been a virus. Could have been a side effect of mounjaro. It'll be a mystery for the ages, I suppose...

Of course, it took a huge toll on my body. Today was the first day I felt almost normal again. No bloating, no cramping, no burping, and no intense pain in my abdomen. Yay! I am supposed to be eating "light," but dammit, I deserved pasta tonight and I'm not going to regret it!

I also, in my journey through illness, reached the Medicare donut hole. I have to spend $8,000 before my advantage plan will start paying for my meds again. I have to pay 25% of the cost of all drugs. Thank goodness I was able to get on a patient assistance program for my antidepressant, because I could not afford it otherwise. I've moved all my meds, except two, to be generics. I am always trying to cut the cost down as much as I can, whether it's through GoodRx, OptumRx, or Costco. I spend most of my SSDI money on healthcare, medication, and treatments. If we had free universal healthcare, I would have been able to save up all this money, dagnabit.

The difficult things have been... well... difficult. But they are outnumbered by the good things, which makes me smile.

I am excited to be excited about working again. I am doing my best to visualize myself in that role, going into *my* office and sitting at *my* desk. I see myself growing in that department and becoming a specialist in all things HR. This is what I did as I interviewed for the 24/7 Helpline and I got that job. I saw myself getting on a train to Chicago every day until they'd let me go remote. I saw myself as a city queer again. I felt the train to the city already underneath me. I get that feeling with this role. I feel like, if I get it, I will have a Mary Tyler Moore moment.

She's gonna make it after all!

Thank you, if you've red this far. Thank you if you send good vibes for this Arb job. Thank you for just being here. Hell, thank you for being you.

One of my uncles will be visiting us from Chile in early August. I am eager for him to arrive and spend time with us. I know my mom could really use his support and sense of humor right now.

So I will be driving them (and my father, if I can convince him to join us) all around Chicago and the burbs. I hope to gather some TCV ideas from the places we will go. It's exciting to think about.

I really want to take a small trip to Cedarburg, WI. Spend a night there in a bnb, and take in all the shops and restaurants. But my car's oil needs to be changed and my brakes too, so I will have to hold off on traveling for a while.

I would like to get back to work because it's work, but I would also like to get back to contributing to my 401k, saving, paying off my medical debt and car, traveling, and actually affording medication without (too much) sacrifice. Medicare, I was told, would be cheaper than private insurance. Well, I couldn't afford a supplement, so I got stuck with an Advantage Plan. And it's not all that bad (I've met my out of pocket max), but man, do they make it hard to succeed in the system and this is a system primarily designed for seniors??? Sigh.

Anyway!

There you have it. A detailed account of things that I have been up to or coping with or working on since mid-May.

Hockey is gone. Thank goodness the Oilers didn't win the cup. Pavs retired. Wedgie was traded. Delly was traded. Faksa and Tanev were traded. We kept Dutchy, but that was about it. With a burning passion of a thousand suns, I hate Dumba and DeSmith. They will never be my Stars.

Okay. So. Where does this leave me now?

Well, I am slowly getting back "into" my work as an author. I'm hoping I can read a book or two in the next two weeks. I am inspired by the creativity of others and now that I've passed my exam, I have more free time to read and plot things out in my head.

It also helps to you know... not be extremely dehydrated.

Holy smokes, it's late. And this is long.

TLDR: Lots of caregiving, looking for jobs, studying, and recharging has happened in my break from writing. I am focused on securing a job at the Arboretum. I passed my SHRM-CP exam. I had an ER visit this week, but feel much better now.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the care to read this. I appreciate y'all and the safe space y'all have made for me. I'm so glad I get to lean on this cozy, peaceful corner of fandom.

One last time--thank you.

Let's chat more.

-Cal

[televisionenjoyer]

why did you discontinue the turkish house project :(

that's actually a great questionnn because I loved the turkish house MD adaptation translation project and I think about it every other day

It wasn't one thing or the other but rather a combination of things, mainly:

Getting the episodes was a huge hustle: I had to pay for the Kanal D app subscription that would ONLY work on mobile, then screenrecord the episodes, making SURE that my notifications were completely off and that no pop ups would interrupt the 45 minute run of the episode. Goes without saying that I couldn't use my phone for anything during that period

Subbing takes sooo much time. It wasn't the first time I ever subbed but all my previous experience at work and independently was of videos no longer than 10 minutes. A 45 minute episode was huge, and they would take me several hours. Hours I didn't have because of my job (fortunately I got more home office days so I could potentially solve that issue)

Not only is subbing hard, but I DON'T SPEAK TURKISH. to translate the show I was relying on two things: the spanish dub that I got from my Kanal D subscription, and an english subtitled source that was not only of a bad quality but also clearly translated into english by someone who wasn't 100% fluent in English. Now, English is not my primary language either, but I tried to make things at least a bit more cohesive (in hindsight I realize now it was worth trying to run the turkish version through premiere's voice recognition and a reputable translator to cross reference with both the spanish dub and the dubiously subbed version, but it did not occur to me at the time)

The audio situation was HELL. I went above and beyond to try to offer you guys the SOURCE material in the best quality I could achieve. With this I mean, I didn't see any point in offering these episodes with the spanish dubbed audio, personally, as someone who enjoys watching live action in its original language. I made it my mission to switch the audio of my source to the turkish audio from the dubiously subbed version. Here's an issue: not only were there minor synchronization hiccups that I had to localize and fix, but also the turkish run was the two hour long run in opposition to my 45 minute run version so I had to kind of find my starting spot. Not as easy as it sounds when the videos are TWO HOURS LONG and you're working with two different episode numbering systems 😵‍💫

The storage situation was unmanageable since I was using Google Drive at the moment. In hindsight I should have invested my time on further research on other sharing options like uploading it to archive.org or even making my own torrents

But honestly, mainly? There just wasn't as much engagement as I was expecting. That was maybe the biggest thing. Knowing myself I would have kept pushing through for at least two or three more episodes if I knew enough people were interested. I felt like I was going above and beyond for this, working a lot of hours for free on something I was quickly losing passion on and I was doing it all for myself. So I just stopped.

I still have a special place for hekimoglu though, and a passion for rescuing lost media/abandonware that makes me want to give this another try, somewhere in the future. Also I was kinda hooked on the show and wanted y'all to get to the good bits so bad (I did way too much watching ahead). But who knows. At the moment I'm kinda disconnected from house md as a whole and also the fandom so it is possible that someone has found an easier way to access these episodes in good quality and I can just rest in peace. Maybe with house being on Netflix there's more interest from people that have a clue as to how to make the process less tedious. Maybe I could eventually figure out a way to make it work and bring it back. Maybe we could circulate a petition for Kanal D to offer these episodes with english subtitles once again.

[auncyen]

So like I'd pretty much decided to give up on WGU because of this course and here's an example why:

the PA asks for 'non-technical requirements'. what is non-technical is not explained in the text. Googling it gets various answers. I try asking the course instructor what it means.

"Non-technical requirements are those that are not part of the service or product itself. Examples of these are milestones, how many services or products are to be delivered, deployment schedules, training constraints, regulatory compliance."

cool! this was along the line of some of the results I found; it's a little more intuitive to me if I think of it as "business requirements", but either phrase could benefit from some explanation.

I get stuck on the PA for other reasons. Recently I check in because you'll get automatically booted for non-activity and I'd kind of like the chance to pass the course just in case I have some kind of surge of motivation in the second half of August (unlikely, but like by the time I was convinced 'this isn't working' I couldn't get a refund on tuition anyway, so why close the door early?). The course instructor has e-mailed me again and gives me tips based on other students' feedback, one of them being the confusion about 'non-technical requirements'.

"Another way of thinking of non-technical versus technical requirements is to think of technical versus soft skills. Non-technical include skills like communication, leadership, decision making, training, time management, cooperation, adaptability, organization, creativity,  etc."

...Cool! Uhm. Yes, this is also among the results I was finding before. But it's rather different from the answer you gave me the first time. In terms of "if I tried writing my paper based on this explanation the result would be different, especially because I would still be baffled on what the non-technical requirement for a data storage solution could be."

And it's just. First, if you have realized this wording is very confusing to students who aren't already experienced with this kind of project, why haven't you just updated the project requirements. Why is this buried in the e-mails for people who already got stuck. Second YOUR ANSWER IS NOT EVEN CONSISTENT AND SEEMS TO BE WORSE THE SECOND TIME AROUND???

Like I feel WGU works very well for people who already know what they need to learn. Or people confident about fake it til you make it. But like...that doesn't work for me, I need to have some degree of confidence in what I'm doing and that doesn't work when the course instructor won't instruct clearly. Like that was the thing about 'why don't I just bs through this to eventually get the degree a few years down' it's like 'yeah degrees are only going to lead to higher pay if you are also CONFIDENT in your ability to do the jobs you're applying for and if I have to muddle my way through classes with unclear projects and slapdash material that is not going to happen for me.'

[quilveor]

Kaox, The Tide's Conductor

Just a random character idea because the sound of violins was incessantly torturing my mind the entire day. I probably won't do much more with him, but I still like the vibes.

Linebreak for lore and me rambling.

Young Chaoxi knew he was just a tool. Sold like one, treated like one, being a servant surrounded by nobles constantly jabbering and gossiping. He resented every single reminder that his scales are "dirty", and that he's not "proper" enough. His master was the only one that showed him any respect, teaching him ways of the court. But magic, Chaoxi taught himself and he was incredibly good at it. Surprising everyone with his abilities, which have been called divine, Chaoxi managed to break through the social barriers, gaining more and more respect.

The kobold adapted phenomenally to it. Playing with people was just as natural to Kaox as magic, and soon enough he himself had servants to tend to his needs. Those, of course, Kaox treated fairly and with understanding. Nonetheless, some nights Kaox was nowhere to be found, escaping the self-important society to hide in some bar, drinking cheap ale and throwing coins to performers, enjoyment that he never got but always desired. After all, if you force a river to dam up, you should be prepared for it to burst with more strength than you could ever fathom.

Having incredible affinity for water, Kaox is resourceful and clever, able to manipulate circumstances and people into his own favor. A servant ennobled, driven by his ire towards the nobility, rebelling with every breath and act while still staying within their made-up rules. Despite his name being Chaoxi, he goes by Kaox with anybody he deems worthy of his real respect, and is a patron of numerous artists, often employing street musicians as background for his own performances of magic.

-------------------------

So, Kaox. First of all, the most base inspiration was Saba: A Sonnet of Scales [Youtube link] which I found out like two days ago. Pretty much fell in love, and to my dismay I found out that none of my characters fit a violin background track.

I always liked violins though so I spent a whole day thinking about it, because I didn't want to just do the same story beats as anything that ever fit a violin [vague 1900s rebellion vibes, gentleman thief and/or european nobility [honestly it's mostly that, i love that vibe a LOT but i didn't want to just do a knock-off of Saba]]

Hit by a different inspiration [I could blame Xiran Jay Zhao [Also youtube] for this, I found her unrelatedly but really enjoyed her view on Mulan movies] I decided to go with an eastern vibe and somehow it all kinda fell together?

To note, Chaoxi is not chinese, he just takes inspiration from chinese culture. His "nationality" is completely undefined, if vaguely modernish. On that note, his name means tide [if google and wikipedia didn't lie to me], and the three lines to the left of K in Kaox are a radical used to symbolize water [but only in combination with other things].

He has eight fasteners on his coat for good fortune, and black pants to fit the color associated to water with wuxing. The gem on his horn, however, is there as a slight reference to a magic system I made up.

However both his hair color and scales color... are a complete accident! Like, okay, I intended for hair to be blue, yes, but I kind of did them too harsh at first and had to attempt erasing them. I think everyone knows how hard it is to actually erase a color pencil. But the result looked pretty neat so I went with it.

And now for bonus character traits: - Kaox is utterly awful at all instruments. All of them. He tried. It did not work out. - That's why he employs musicians though - he still really likes music. He might as well get it his own way. - His hair is dyed, it's actually just white. He's acting up the whole "water mage" thing. His eyes are natural though. - He had an eastern dragon father, but never really knew him as originally he was in a regular kobold burrow. That's also why he's so good with water. - He also didn't knew his mother - the burrow was communal. He doesn't blame the elders for selling him though, but it took many years for him. - 90% of things he does are motivated by spite. - He's bi. Also out of spite. - He genuinely enjoys low quality food and drinks. A cheap beer for him is much better than ancient wine. He sometimes gets hot dogs from gas stations, and gas stations alone. - Violin + Accordion is the best combo and he will fight you on this. It reminds him of himself, a mix of high culture and street culture working together - He owns a double bass. It's mistuned and he's too short for it, but it's still his pride and joy.

If you reached here, thank you, have a nice day =]

[jonnysinsectcatalogue]

Backswimmer - Notonecta irrorata

Generally when we all think of insects, we think of those that crawl on land or fly through the air, but there are insects that call water their home. There are also several insects that begin their lives in the water and then move to the land (or the air) in their adult stage, but today gives us something different. From the cottage country of Caledon, we find an insect specie that spends a majority of its time below the water, only surfacing when it needs to collect air bubbles. It must have been pulled into the pool's filtration system and was spit out into the pool where I found it. A pool is no place for an insect, so afterwards I placed our new friend in a nearby pond. A True Bug by classification, we enter an infraorder called Nepomorpha (Aquatic Bugs) wherein there are all adapted for a life in the water (including Giant Water Bugs, Toad Bugs and Waterscorpions, but not Pond Skaters). They have hydrodynamic bodies and legs made to either grasp or to swim (or both). They all have their ways to navigate water, but the Backswimmer here is the strangest of all, given that it swims upside down! Backswimmers are often confused for their relatives: the Water Boatmen. These are a separate family (Corixidae) vs. the Backswimmer family - Notonectidae! To distinguish between the two (in broad strokes), Boatman tend to have flatter bodies and swim upright, while Backswimmers swim underside down.

By turning upside down, its vivid colors are hidden from eyes above and it can grasp creatures at the water's surface before they knew what hit them. To propel themselves they use their hindlegs like a pair of oars, but instead of rowing they press them inwards and then open them when they can by fully extended. The legs are just as powerful on land as when held in my hand, this individual tried to jump away! It's a surprisingly powerful jumper on land all things considered, but since it can't anchor its feet the way an Orthopteran does, there's only so far it can launch itself. Back in the water it jumps, and back in my hand it goes. With such power in those legs, it's no wonder that Backswimmers are effective hunters! If not for their rounded, adorable appearance, they might even gain the reputation of Assassin Bugs! They'll grasp prey and jab them with their rostrum to food. With regards to the latter, a word of caution to you, dear reader. Backswimmers have gained the nickname "Water Bees" as it seems that can inflict a painful bite using their rostrum if mishandled (see Picture 2 for how it looks). An insect like this can remain underwater for hours, so suddenly bringing it to land may give it the wrong idea, especially if done roughly. While I suffered no bites, always take care if handling a live specimen (preferably bring a container with you to observe them).

Pictures were taken on July 1, 2023 in Caledon with a Google Pixel 4. Next week, more new insects from Caledon!

[digitaltalesworld]

What are efficient lead generation strategies for B2B marketers?

In the dynamic world of B2B marketing, crafting efficient lead-generation strategies is essential for building meaningful connections and driving conversions. As a B2B marketer, I've found several tried-and-true approaches that consistently yield positive results: Content Marketing Excellence:I prioritize creating and sharing valuable content that directly addresses my target audience's pain points and challenges. Whether through blog posts, whitepapers, case studies, or webinars, establishing authority through informative content is crucial for building trust and attracting quality leads. Optimized Website and Landing Pages:My focus extends beyond just maintaining a digital presence. I ensure that my website is a conversion-centric tool by optimizing landing pages for specific campaigns, implementing clear calls-to-action (CTAs), and streamlining the lead capture process. A user-friendly website experience encourages potential clients to engage and explore further. Utilize Social Media Platforms:Leveraging social media platforms, especially LinkedIn, is critical to my strategy. I actively connect with professionals in my industry, share industry insights, engage in discussions, and use targeted advertising to reach a wider audience. Social platforms are powerful tools for building brand awareness and fostering connections. Email Marketing Campaigns:I craft targeted and personalized email campaigns to nurture leads through the sales funnel. Utilizing segmentation and automation helps me send relevant content, product updates, and exclusive offers. Email remains a cost-effective and direct way to engage with B2B prospects. Implement Account-Based Marketing (ABM):I incorporate Account-Based Marketing (ABM) in my approach, focusing on specific high-value accounts. Tailoring my marketing efforts to address the unique needs of these accounts enhances engagement and increases the likelihood of conversion. Strategic Partnerships and Collaborations:I actively forge strategic partnerships with complementary businesses in my industry. Collaborative efforts, such as joint webinars, co-authored content, and shared promotions, are effective ways to generate leads collaboratively and expand my reach. Invest in Paid Advertising:Leveraging paid advertising channels like Google Ads and LinkedIn Ads allows me to target my ideal audience precisely. Paid advertising enables me to ensure that my message reaches decision-makers within my target companies. Data-Driven Decision Making:I leverage data analytics to evaluate and refine my lead-generation strategies continuously. Monitoring key performance indicators (KPIs) helps me understand what's working and needs adjustment. Data-driven insights empower me to make informed decisions for optimal results. I've successfully created a robust lead generation framework by combining these strategies in a tailored, multifaceted approach. Adaptability, flexibility, and a deep understanding of the target audience remain vital in navigating the ever-evolving B2B marketing landscape.

[gaunt-and-hungry]

The Hot Introductory Mess that I will Clean Up when I am home

Directly copy and pasted from my google doc.

Wilbur by Name Erebus By Trade

Captain Blackwater - Or so he is named for his love of coffee

Erebus was never used to stability. He had been on the run his whole life but found structure in freelance work as, what most would consider, a “Privateer”. He is an explorer and damn good at it, specialising in exploring and charting the most unusual and uncomfortable reaches of the world where it is the most inhospitable. He is an excellent survivalist and grew up knowing how to sail a ship with minimal crew - for that was the consequences of living aboard a Pirate vessel. He had grown to excel in all manners of positions aboard ships and eventually took over command of his dearest flagship The Revenge earning the title of Captain Blackwater after his love of coffee. A three anchor, three mast frigate at thirty and a half metres long. A beast of a ship, she is still lightweight enough to skirt and flex amongst hazardous and narrow passages, sailed with expert hands and minds between her helmsman and her Captain. 

He has survived endless torments and turmoil, learning to survive by scraping everything and whatever he has together to keep himself afloat, his skills of survival have kept himself and others alive much longer than God ever intended them to be. He has lost dear friends to the frights and challenges of the world, exposure, starvation and disease and yet it seems he is doomed to walk away from every conflict. Either that or he was forever being punished for his hubris. As Sisyphus rolls his boulder, Erebus must continue to adapt and learn if he wants to keep his head. Should he fail to provide the British Admiralty with what they wish.

He signed an agreement with the British Admiralty. His research in exchange for his freedom and not being tried for his earlier crimes against the Crown. He will never get credit for his work but in return his crew and himself have a blind eye turned to his presence.

He has grown to be empathetic though often seems cold and distant. Struggling with attachment, he chooses instead to show his love through selfless acts of valour, believing himself a man that is cursed with fortitude or a cat with nine lives. As a Captain he is a “first one in, last one out” leader, keen to ensure every mouth is fed before he even considers helping himself. He ensures every soul is tucked into bed before he lays his own head down. Sleep never comes easy.

You would not think him the Captain of this formidable ship. Formidable, yes, but quiet and subdued. Not only that but he is surprisingly short at just around 165 cm. He believes actions speak far louder than words; the respect he has earned comes from the care and support he provides his crew of eighty. He employs both women and men and whatever falls between. Should you be able to to the tasks assigned to your stations then you have earned your keep and his care as Captain. He is indiscriminate, having lived a life where such fallacies have no room to breathe and knowing full well that all living things bleed the same.

He is a man haunted by past of struggles and desperation to stay alive; of destitution and abandonment, hunger and starvation, rebellion and he clings to a hope that there is room and a future worth living for. This man breathes hope and strength no matter the crisis and no matter the pain. At times he may seem sombre, preferring to isolate and find peace alone, feeling deeply as if he must atone for the deaths and lives lost either by his own hand or through his failings to save those he has cared for. 

Insert to the Terrorverse: 

Lady Jane and Sophia Cracroft shook him more than he should admit. James Ross believed that his dear friend Francis Crozier is, indeed, in dire straits. However, there seemed to be no way to convince the admiralty. Lady Jane, however, had old contacts from their time spent in the South Pacific. Captain Blackwater would be resupplying in London and James Ross commissioned him to venture out and find his friend and bring the crew back at any costs. He’d be willing to pay. And pay very very handsomely. But Erebus did not desire wealth nor recognition. Just freedom. To be unshackled from this deal with the admiralty so he could pursue other interests.

Erebus saw the desperation and honesty, the hope of Sir James Ross. He felt the weight of such an esteemed man coming to him of all folks almost begging. Almost ready to get on his knees. ���I was told that if there was any man that can find Francis…” Sir James Ross’ voice had wavered, “It’d be you.”

—

The choice was made for him. A hundred crew. A hundred good folks. Folks with families and some with children. Some were married. Some it was not safe for them to be together unless it was upon The Revenge. It was a sick and twisted way to force his hand, certainly. But again, he knew it was a long time coming. The admiralty expected far more fight from him. He offered them none. How glorious it would have been if he came in snarling and teeth clenched, words and tongue aflame like the cursed man he was. It would have been everything that the British Admiralty would have hoped for. He knew that deep down they got their stones off and all tight up against their thighs when there was the scent of blood in the water. A collage of meagre and pitiful old men full of pretence and past tenses that they used as a cock pump to make themselves feel vigorous again since impotence certainly cradled their tight belts more than any woman or man probably did nowadays. 

A hundred good folks rested on his shoulders. Erebus was young, certainly. A fool? Never. Erebus knew better and was fully aware that the English had no intentions of keeping him. They took and they took and they took. They robbed and raped people for a pass-time. Even if not literally he knew the damages done to the good indigenous folks across the Oceans. From Haiti to New Zealand to Australia. From Dominica to Puerto Rico and every unfortunate islet in between. If it smelt nice and tasted nice then certainly it must belong to the British Empire. Who best to be the ruination of fine things in life than the English? They could not even respect their own neighbours. To them, too, they fucked the peoples raw and sapped them of any scrap of dignity upon which they may stand on proper legs. Oppression was the biscuits they ate with their pilfered tea. The idea of the British Empire being called a Monarchy was a sick and laughable joke. Erebus could only see these thieves and oppressors as Royal Kleptocracy at best.

He saw what had become of the villages and towns. Of the people that produced their teas and coffees and sugarcane. Of their rum and their rich fine goods. Of the hands that built their little empire on the slave labour of the native folks that were forced under the reddened leather of the English.

It was no surprise he was dragged before  the Admiralty and given the ultimatum of “Or the gallows.”

“And my crew?”

“We have plenty of rope. In fact. Your ship is well stocked.”

He had smiled then, a sheepish and shy thing as if someone had cast a flirtatious remark. His eyes were downcast and he nodded politely. The decision was made for him. For how long they would keep him in this bondage he did not know. He was not a fool. For as long as he was useful, and useful was a vague term (one that the Admiralty boldly threw at his feet), he was alive. More importantly the men and women aboard his ship were alive. Loves would blossom. Freedom of self and autonomy of their spirit was at stake. If it were such a simple matter of his own execution he would have gladly accepted it and allowed his throat to be branded by his own riggings and for his body to have gone cold. He would simply have gifted The Revenge to his Helmsman and her wife and they could make a life back at Sea. Marzia was an excellent Second aboard his ship and knew The Revenge and her crew as well as Erebus did. It would have been of no consequence.

But no… The Admiralty had to threaten the well being of the lives of the others. He was trapped. Bound to that cruelty he accepted the partisan deal. Enslaved to track down their missing “heroes” and important figures from hubris and the drag of the ocean. He knew his life was on borrowed time and it would be only a matter of that same borrowed time until they tired of his presence like a filthy hunting animal let into the pristine mansions of Lords and Sirs or he brokered his way out of his bondage.

[missnobodymadness]

💯 ❤️💘🎂🍝🤩😓 for Evelyn Thorburn or Tirannia (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Omg, I love getting asks so much, they always make my day! Thank you so so much and I am sorry for taking so long, not on my best days lately. Since you said any of them is fine, allow me to answer for both of them. :P Okay, let's do this! "💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know." Evelyn: She was once saved by Levi when she was just a kid, as the good troublemaker she was (and is LOL), she found a way to get outside the walls by hiding inside an explorer wagon, even though Levi knew she should be reported, he decided to keep it a secret, taking her back home and having a serious talk with her parents. Spoiler: It didn't stop her from being a pain in the ass. :) At the beginning of the trainings, she used to have a certain rivalry with Ymir because she disliked the way she treated Sasha, especially when she used to take advantage of her, they'd get into fights very often. She has a very short attention span and is extremely impulsive most of the time, she has been called out for this a lot. Tirannia: She is half-Targaryen and also half-sister of Daenerys, her mother is an unknown Tully.

She is a pirate and her ship was a gift from a rich man who she manipulated to be obsessed over her. !!!SPOILER OF GOT AHEAD!!! Since I hated the tv show ending and my fic is about it, in my version Daenerys wasn't killed, instead she was saved by Tirannia, who was serving her sister as a bodyguard at the time.

"❤️ RED HEART — what are three of your oc's positive traits?"

Evelyn: Evelyn is actually a very caring person despite masking it most of the time, she truly cares for the ones she cares about and tries to always be there for them, this is one of the things that made her change after meeting the crew, making her less self-centred. She is also very capable but always overlooks that trait, she needs to be interested to actually show how efficient she is. She is also very forthright, so if someone says or do something she dislikes or feels uncomfortable about, she will let them know, Ymir is proof of that. LOL Tirannia: Very adaptable! She has been through all sort of situations (homeless, slavery, etc.) and adapted to every single one of them!

Can we talk about her courage? I won't go in depth about her past here because it may be triggering to some but let me tell you, this woman is a force of nature! The courage it takes to get out of the place she used to be, to face the man who had her under his feet, but mostly, the courage to keep fighting for her freedom. I could never.

Self-sufficient! Unfortunately she had to fend for herself since a very young age, she was just 10 when she lost her adoptive mother and since then she had to take care of herself the best she could, even though that brought her some trouble.

"💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?"

Evelyn: After her parents death, probably Sasha, she sees her as a sister and would do anything for her, even giving her portion of meat. LOL She loves Sasha deeply.

Tirannia: Her adoptive mother who unfortunately died when she was a kid. Once she discovered who she truly was and doing everything to finally meet Daenerys, her half-sister easily became the most important person in her life.

"🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE — when is your oc's birthday? how old are they? what are their sun, moon, & rising signs (if known)? what about their tarot card, ruling planet, & ruling number (if known)? do they fit the typical traits of these sun, moon, & rising signs?" First I'd like to confess that I don't know a thing about astrology, I'm a very skeptical person and probably won't be able to answer this the proper way, however, I will make sure to use Google while answering. xD Evelyn: Her birthday is on 6, October, which makes her a...libra! She was 16 in 850 and 20 in 854 and I have no idea about the rest, sorry. ;-; I checked Google for the typical traits of a libra and I don't think she fits too well, to be honest. ^^' Tirannia: Her birthday is on 28, March, which makes her a...Aries! She is 28 and I also have no idea about the rest. :( According to Google, she shares quite a few traits with Aries but is not exactly the typical one.

"🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?"

Evelyn: Considering the AOT world, her taste in food is not exactly what we'd expect, she really loves grilled corn, even better if there is wine! Tirannia: She never really had many choices when it comes to food, her favourite food is probably honeyed chicken though.

"🤩 FACE WITH STARRY EYES — is your oc a planner, or are they more spontaneous in their actions?"

Evelyn: 100% spontaneous, she is a very impulsive character and rarely plans her actions, she needs to learn how to have self-control. Tirannia: 100% a planner! She rarely acts without one and usually has a second plan in mind just in case. LOL

"😓 DOWNCAST FACE WITH SWEAT — is your oc open-minded or stubborn? are they inquisitive or do they prefer to keep to their bubble of knowledge?" Evelyn: I'd say she is a mix of both, it just depends on the theme, however, definetly open-minded when it comes to knowledge; she spends a lot of time thinking about things and is always excited for new information. Tirannia: Well...if the theme has to do with men...100% stubborn, well, maybe 99% after meeting Tyrion at Dragonstone, she kinda of tolerates him. LOL

[csleko]

Motion Capture Test

It doesn't look like much, but this 12-second janky animation is the culmination of a goddamned SAGA that I am COMPELLED to relay to you, Tumblr.

Chapter One: Wherein Motion Capture Sounds Like A Neat Idea

It all began...I dunno, maybe a few months or so ago? Time's freakin' weird. I don't remember what the exact thing that sparked my interest was, but I looked into VTuber software and downloaded a program just to play around with. I learned that it was possible to export models from Blender in a format that could be used with this software, and immediately tried it with my high-poly Leko model. Didn't work. Model was too many parts and I rigged it kinda weird, so it was just a buggy mess. Some parts moved right, some didn't, some just flew away when I moved. I tried it with my much simpler low-poly Boba Fett model, and it worked great!

The software worked by tracking your head movements through your webcam, which is why this part of the story is relevant to this post. It got me thinking about more complex motion capture, and how great it would be to be able to do that in Blender. So I went looking around, hoping to maybe find something that worked like the VTuber software, and could capture full body motion from a regular camera.

I did find a company called Rokoko, who specializes in mocap tech (their stuff is on the more affordable side, but for mocap equipment that STILL translates into the thousands of dollars), and they have a program that uses AI to generate motion data from 2D video. I gave it a try, and it *works,* but it's still really finnicky and needs a lot of manual fixing and adjustment to the point where it might ultimately be faster to just animate by hand from the beginning. It probably works better if you have better footage for it to work with, but I'd still say overall it needs a little more time in the oven.

I continued my search, and came across a couple of Blender plugins that looked promising at first, but were clearly someone's side project that they lost interest in and hadn't updated in a long time. At some point, I remembered hearing about people using the Xbox Kinect to capture motion for animation, but given what I knew about Microsoft's failed peripheral, I assumed it would be hard to find one at a reasonable price. I kept it in mind, but didn't look into it any further until it came up in a discussion with a friend who told me Kinects were in fact quite easy to find, and quite cheap!

Chapter Two: The Infuriating Quest For A Kinect

So I went down that path and started doing some research. Unfortunately, there are some particularly strict requirements for using a Kinect with a PC. Fortunately, the laptop I recently acquired managed to meet those requirements as best I could tell. All I needed was a Kinect and a set of adapter cables Microsoft used to make, but doesn't anymore, so the only way to get them is to either buy a third party version, or buy the originals used. So I found a relatively cheap cable on Amazon, and bought an Xbox One Kinect (the newer, more advanced version) from GameStop. If all went according to plan, I'd have a fully functional motion capture system for just over $50.

With the hardware in hand, all that was left to do was install the drivers and software on the laptop, then plug everything in!

Aaaaaaand....nothing happened. The software said everything on the laptop met the requirements, but it wasn't picking up the Kinect on the USB port. So I did everything you normally do when something on a PC isn't working. Unplug it and plug it back in, try another port, uninstall and reinstall the software, restart the computer, check for updates, pull up the device manager and check for hardware changes, double and triple-check the requirements. No matter what I did, it would not acknowledge the damn thing was plugged in!

After some frustrated Googling, I found a post from someone describing the exact problem I was having, and they apparently fixed it by trying a different adapter cable. Of course! That shady third-party company on Amazon must've sold me a bad cable. That's what I get for buying the cheap one, I guess. So I returned it and went looking for something more reputable. I found what I THOUGHT was a seller with actual Microsoft-made cables, but ended up being glad I looked deeper into the reviews because it *might* have been a scam. I cancelled that order, and bought an adapter from Hyperkin. I've bought things from them before without issue, so I consider them trustworthy. If the Kinect still didn't work with this adapter, then the problem must be something else.

The problem. Was. In fact. Something else.

At this point, the ONLY remaining possible explanation was that GameStop had sent me a bad Kinect. Unfortunately, I do not own an Xbox One, nor do I know anyone who does, so I couldn't check and see if the Kinect itself worked with its intended hardware. Fortunately, I DO know of a very nice local game store, and the lovely folks there were perfectly happy to test the thing for me.

It's dead.

GameStop sent me a dead Kinect.

I was simultaneously pissed and relieved. Pissed that GameStop ripped me off, but relieved to finally know why I couldn't get it to work, and that it wasn't because *I* was doing something wrong. Conveniently, the nice local store happened to have a literal basket of Kinects, so I bought one of theirs trusting it to have actually been tested and functional, but also knowing that the return process wouldn't be a whole ordeal in the unlikely event it *did* turn out to be another dud.

It didn't. Got home, plugged everything in, and after a tense 4-5 seconds the Kinect popped up in the device manager. Opened up the software, the Kinect lit up, and right there on the screen was a rough live 3D scan of my bedroom. Well, the corner of it the Kinect was actually facing, anyway. Moved it into a better position, stood in front of it and BAM. Lines appeared on the silhouette of my body marking my head, torso, shoulders, elbows, hands, hips, knees, and feet. It was pretty accurately tracking my movement in real time, with occasional hiccups that I can confidently blame on the small area forcing me to stand closer to the Kinect than normal.

Satisfied that everything now worked, it would a couple more weeks before I actually tried capturing anything and using it in Blender because I had an unrelated and more time sensitive project to finish up, and there was still one last matter to take care of...

Epilogue: GameStop Can Go To Hell

Turns out that in the fine print of GameStop's return policies is a little sentence saying you only have SEVEN DAYS to return used hardware. That's some bullshit right there. It took me THREE fucking weeks to figure out I even NEEDED to return the goddamn thing because I was the idiot for having "GameStop is a shitty company who doesn't test their used junk before selling it" at the BOTTOM of my list of possible reasons it wasn't working!

Returning it was out of the question, so the best they could do was trade it in for $10 in credit. Fucking 1/3 of what I paid for their broken piece of garbage. I put it toward a copy of Tears of the Kingdom, double checked that it was brand new and sealed because I wanted to be 1,000,000,000% sure I'll never need to set foot in a GameStop again. Curse the day those idiots meme'd the company out of bankruptcy.

---

So that's the story behind this janky 12-second animation of my Rake model. I tried using my Leko model first, but again because of the excessive complexity of the model and weird rigging, it didn't work very well.

Basically, the Kinect software records your movements, then you use a separate program to record those movements to an FBX file, then you use *another* program to convert that FBX into a *different* format of FBX that Blender can use. You import that file into Blender, it makes a skeleton that follows the recorded motions, you rig the model to it, and boom. You have motion capture animated model. It's actually even more straightforward than I expected. I think there are ways to make an already rigged character follow the animation without re-rigging it to the FBX skeleton, but I'll need to do some more research on that in the future.

For now, I'm just happy everything actually works.

[startappzblog]

Visual design is the spirit of the UX as a final stage, to polish your user experience and empower it by adapting the visual design principles, giving the user the recognizability of what I meant by communicating the user empathy.

The elements of visual designs are many, like colors, spaces, fonts, structure, images, etc. And to manage all these aspects, some principles help you to find your way by using and adapting these design principles, which are :

Unity and Harmony

Balance

Hierarchy

Scale and Proportion

Dominance and Emphasis

Similarity and Contrast

All these principles/guidance rules are connected and affect your whole design approach, so as a reflection of my exercise, I couldn't do the hierarchy by doing the Dominance and emphasis alone, so it's tough to start doing these criteria one by one. from my exercise you have to do them all in one time to have the desired look and experience, and you can add above of that, especially in the digital environments the way of the (transitions and interactions)

So at the upper part (dark gray), I used it to emphasize the communication area with the user by displaying all the due bills, alerts, advertisements, budgeting tips, personalized messages, etc. This is the most dynamic area.

At the bottom of the screen, I placed the tab action bar as global navigation, which should appear all around the app screens at the first level screens.

For the color palette, I tried many options. I went through many iterations to find the harmony and the combination, so by doing my research on related apps in the same financial industry, I found that Blue is a good indicator of finance activity; it gives the user the feeling of trust and honesty as it instills confidence and inspires feelings of loyalty and integrity. In addition, the JOD currency has two denominations in blue color.

White color: the base to make the spaces and clarity, especially some many numbers and elements should be readable.

Dark Blue color: emphasizes some areas and distinguishes between screen parts, and I used it for text links and icons all over the app.

Light Blue: I used to highlight some areas and text on the dark blue background to give me more ability to hierarchy my content.

Dark Gray: I used the text numbers on the white background.

Light Gray: separators/ lines and inputs.

Green/ Red colors: I used them to recognize between your transaction IN/OUT money easily, and these colors are heavily utilized in the financial industry for the same purpose.

Orange color: the action design elements in my design and the interaction component tell the user what to do and guide him to end his task—also, the orange color indicator of activity, confirming, and power.

The typography elements affect the user experience on many sides, like readability, credibility, and feeling. By choosing Avenir font, I benefited from the font weights; this font has many weights that helped me emphasize and hierarch my design elements.

Also, Avenir font is a modern font from google library and is compatible with different digital platforms, so it helps with consistency.

Reference cited:

Esposito, E. (2018). The Golden Ratio — What It Is and How to Use It in Design. [online] www.invisionapp.com. Available at: https://www.invisionapp.com/inside-design/golden-ratio-designers/ [Accessed 24 Mar. 2022].

Aragon, K. (2013). 15 Color Palettes from Top Financial Websites. [online] The Daily Egg. Available at: https://www.crazyegg.com/blog/color-palettes-financial/ [Accessed 27 Mar. 2022].

Gordon, K. (2020). 5 Principles of Visual-Design in UX. [online] Nielsen Norman Group. Available at: https://www.nngroup.com/articles/principles-visual-design/.

Bruna (2020). Meaning of the Color Blue: Symbolism, Common Uses, & More. [online] Colors Explained. Available at: https://www.colorsexplained.com/color-blue-meaning-of-the-color-blue/.

Today's Eggspert (2018). 16 Great Website Color Palettes to Increase Engagement (2019). [online] The Daily Egg. Available at: https://www.crazyegg.com/blog/website-color-palettes/ [Accessed 27 Mar. 2022].

[ackerfics]

hi, rory! <3 what majors would the sc veterans take if they were in the modern world?

hi, anon !! thank you so much for this ask, this is heaven in disguise from all my schoolwork. tbh, the whole time i was working for a lab report, my mind will go back to this ask bc i wanted to have the association as accurate as possible hhhajshw

i asked one of my friends for help and thank God for them bc my single brain cell really said 'it's time for you to rest' after staring at one backlog. without further ado, here are the veterans' majors if they're studying in university:

first off, hange zoe, because if you ask me this question in real life, they would be the only one i can answer. every damn time i would think of them in a college setting, being a biology major is really hange's forte. at this point, this is what everyone would associate them with.

hange is all about experimenting and doing brilliant breakthroughs in any field of science but knowing that they have this unparalleled fascination with the unusual and unexpected life-forms (ahem titans ahem), the biology lab would be the surest place where you could find hange. i feel like biology is too broad so i will add that microbiology or bacteriology are just some of the specializations they will be taking in their time in college.

imagine, being lab partners with hange and immediately knowing that you will have one of the highest grades in the class because they're that well-versed in a specific lab report. and if you're partners with them for the rest of the academic year, you might as well have a shot at an immaculate grade. i'm not saying that you should depend on them too much though hHHHH, hange is still a member of the majority of the student body who relies heavily on caffeine to keep them invigorated. who isn't at this point?

so far, some of the biology majors that i encountered (well, more like chatted behind a screen — online classes suck), they have this energy that could drain my social battery too quickly and hange fits that description. (note that this doesn't apply to any college bc i observed this in mine soooo 🤭) they're the type to always go on a tangent on a certain science article or coerce you into joining this org thing. i can imagine levi just looking at hange like they're the one sucking his brain cells out whenever they speak about a documentary in bbc they watched the night before.

and if you're stuck on anything biology-related, hange will be the best person to ask help from. they're the first ray of sunlight you get while waking up. they're that approachable.

okay, so erwin smith.

don't come at me but he just radiates this ceo vibes and with that, one of his probably majors is business administration. i know this is so stereotypical of me but let's face it, erwin is a smooth talker through and through and if he doesn't take up marketing, business is one way to spend his college years. knowing his personality in attack on titan of establishing deals easily with a determined resolve, he fits the broadest description of being a business administration major. (again, don't come at me because my consultant for this statement is google and nobody comes after google sometimes hhhhh)

just for the benefit of myself, i will add what google says about this major, "[they] learn the mechanics of business through classes in fundamentals, such as finance, accounting and marketing ... students find ways to solve problems using data and they develop communication and managerial skills." and i thank you.

he's also probably the most well-spoken and most professional when conversing with others among his friends (and i'm not saying this to drag the other characters but this is what i pick up on) and that is exactly the qualities his major specializes. it is expected for them to strike deals and be a people person and who better character for the job than our very own erwin smith 🤩

now i mentioned 'one of the probable majors' and yes, aside from business administration, philosophy just exudes erwin smith. ngl, when i imagined erwin in a college setting, this major will always come first. his mind is just so sexy to me??? and i hope you guys think the same, too, because i don't want to be the only one who thinks that 👀 kidding aside, erwin is one of the smartest people in attack on titan and every time he speaks in one episode, my brain will instantly go mush, and that's what i feel when i hear philosophy majors talk.

philosophy majors (according to any other youtuber who does lookbooks for various majors hhhhhh) challenge what is unanswerable and analyze questions with no right answer. i feel like erwin, like hange, will talk all night to explain a theory. just imagine a date with him and you just listen to him rant about a topic that they should be making a report on. just listen to this man, okay?? it's adorable when he lets his guard down to include you in his little bubble of philosophies. he would also mention random things that he learned in classes, sometimes finding joy in knowing the philosophies of other people, or even deciphering levi's dream of an apocalyptic world. (it pisses levi off but he just leave him be.)

if you want a man who can do both of these majors, erwin smith is the answer 😉

sigh, mike zacharias.

this man holds so many talents and will forever amaze me.

i assume all of us here watched the movie perfume. and no, i'm not saying that mike is going to be a murderer but just like the main character of that film, making perfumes will be his forte with that sense of smell of his. and here, i conclude that mike will definitely take up chemical engineering.

he gives me the vibes that if it covers the one thing he does best, he will love his major. (mr. zacharias, can you please spare me that quality because i really need that now 😩) being in the labs while experimenting mundane things that can be found in the environment to create different scents is also a likely situation you can find him in, again, very much like hange. he's the type of student who really puts so much effort in staying afloat the honors list, even to the point of topping midterms in his major, for the sake of his dream. there will never be a moment where you will catch him complain about his major and professors.

he's that type of friend in college who agrees to any rant you say but in reality, he's got his life easy 😭

i headcanon mike owning a perfume shop after college just like how levi always dreamed of having a tea shop.

okay, imagine this little scenario if you're dating mike where he creates this unique perfumes as random gifts for you. they're not the typical perfumes that can seep through the room and can make you gag for no reason, they're subtle scents that will stay for the duration of the day. because again, he's got a sensitive nose, so making perfumes according to what his sense of smell dictates will always result in a revolutionary experiment. if you're randomly blurting out that you want a fusion of flowers and fruits as your perfume, say no more, he's your man.

now, the veteran who i find the hardest to associate a major with — levi ackerman.

after much deliberation and a break from plant physiology, i see him taking up law or criminology.

(i asked some of this from my mom because she attended law school :>>>)

levi is so organized and detailed in the things that he do and he fits in either of these majors since they require tedious memorizations and analysis of laws and crime scenes while being assertive enough to defend someone. he's the typical person who blurts out the true situation of a crime scene when watching film adaptations. yeah, he's that person, the one who sucks the enthusiasm out of you while watching a movie because he just had to correct some of the scenes. nevertheless, he means well though, he just wanted you to understand the reality unlike how films portray gruesome murders. movie nights always end up with levi ranting about half-assed mystery clichés.

levi's binder of readings are always too bright for everyone's good. his notes are full of highlighters and scribbles that it can blind someone. for one, he's always up all night studying his readings and cases for a practice court so by choosing neon highlighters, it's a way for him to wake up. there isn't one book in his possession that he doesn't highlight like it's a fricking coloring book. hange once jokingly said that his binder now acts like his bible and for once, he agrees because he was never seen without one. hange had a field day since levi never agrees with them.

when doing practice courts though, his go-to resting bitch face always come in handy when carrying out his role as one of the lawyers. he's just so sexy with his hands in the pockets of his slacks as he tries to justify his supposed client. the way he questions the accused definitely isn't hot because he's like one of the panelists in your thesis defense, the one who just comes up with questions that have you melting on the spot. he's dangerous i tell you. it also doesn't help if you accidentally hurt one of his friends or just landed randomly in his blacklist for being annoying as hell. relax though, he doesn't mean harm other than the fact that he's ready to throw some hands from all the pent-up rage he gathered in his body.

of course, i couldn't forget how he dresses up like a typical dark academia fanatic so look out for eye-candy.

if you want someone who can recite articles from the constitution, this man is perfect for you 😌

i had so much fun doing this !! again, i'm not generalizing every major i've talked about in these little headcanons, this is all for fun and based on the people i encountered in college. if you want more of this, don't hesitate to ask !! 😚

[kiingocreative]

Ready to edit, format, or publish your book? We offer editing and coaching services! Send a DM or go to https://kiingo.co/services

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I’ll be honest with you, I never used to think much of writing exercises. The slightly embarrassing (and possibly shamefully arrogant) truth is that I always thought I didn’t need them. It felt to me that the day I’d need writing exercises would be the day where my creative flair dried up.

Since I’ve started looking at writing less as a hobby and more as a professional endeavour, my view on the matter has changed. If I werein any other profession, I wouldn’t think twice about undertaking regular training to maintain, improve orchallenge my skills, so why would it be any different with writing?

If you’re still unconvinced about the value of trying some of these exercises out, I’ve recently written a piece about the benefits of journalingwhich is highly relevant to what comes next in this article. I was never a big journaling advocate before, but just like with writing exercises, I’ve definitely changed my tune.

You Won’t Know Till You Try.

My view on the topic actually shifted when I took part in a Flash Fiction Battle hosted by Michael R. Kiel. The way it worked was that every participating writer was given a photo prompt and a word count, and we all had to write within those guidelines. There was no prize or anything involved, it was all for the pure pleasure of trying something new.

It was odd at first, but I found it incredibly satisfying and rewarding. One because it was exciting to do something a little different than usual, and second because it felt good to work on a shorter piece that was miles away from what my work in progress was at the time. If you’re interested, you can find my entry here: The Silver Assassin.

The great thing with writing exercises if that they put you face to face with different types or styles of writing. They make you try things out which you wouldn’t generally consider, or that don’t necessarily come naturally to you. And that’s what teaches you to adapt and grow, and look at your writing under different angles, through different lenses and, often, help make your other works in progress better than they might otherwise have been.

4 Writing Exercises Worthy Of Your Attention.

Below are 4 exercises I’ve tried out which I’ve found particularly interesting or useful. You’ll notice that they’re all in essence doing the same thing—they’re making you approach writing from a different angle and give you prompts to start writing in a different way than you normally would. They simply come in slightly different formats, and trying them all will work on strengthening your adaptability muscles.

Photo, Word or Sentence Prompts.

Photo, word and sentence prompts are, as the name suggests, when you’re given one word, one sentence or one picture and you use what it inspires in you to write.

How it works:

1. For this one I tend to prefer finding words, sentences or images suggested by others, as opposed to picking my own word, sentence or image. The value of doing it that way is that it forces you to step out of your comfort zone, because it’s more likely to be something you wouldn’t have normally gone for yourself.

2. You can find these fairly easily on Instagram for instance, or by Googling ‘Writing Word Prompt’, ‘Writing Sentence Prompt’ or ‘Writing Photo Prompt’

3. Once you have your prompt, take a good look at it if it’s a picture, or have a good think about it if it’s a word or a sentence, and write whatever it inspires.

4. You can make it as structured or free-flowing as you like and it can end up being a paragraph, a short-story or a full-on novel.

5. If you wanted, you could set yourself a target or maximum word count. You may set a timer and write as much as you can within that time. You can also assign yourself a genre (fiction or non-fiction, prose or poetry etc.)

Flash Fiction.

Flash Fiction involves writing very short pieces (some of them as short as six-word long referred to as nano-pieces) based on a prompt (this can be anything: an image, a word, asentence, a general theme) and a set of rules, which will depend onthe type of Flash Fiction you’re writing.

If you want to learn more, Michael R. Kiel wrote a great piece about what Flash Fiction is, which is so well worded I won’t bother to paraphrase it.

How it works:

1. When it comes to Flash Fiction I’d definitely recommend looking for people hosting a battle. This keeps you accountable, but also has an added sense of fun because you get to see what all other people come up with when starting out with similar constraints.

2. You can find these fairly easily on Instagram for instance, or by Googling ‘Flash Fiction Battle’

3. Once you have your prompt and are assigned a Flash Fiction type, all you need to do is start writing!

4. Optional—Because Flash Fiction still needs to include a full plot from start to finish, it’s a great challenge for those of us who are used to writing much longer pieces. As an add-on, I’d definitely recommend journaling (on paper or at least in your head) on your Flash Fiction experience, what it brought up for you and how you think it impacted your writing.

5.

People Watching.

This is one of my personal favourites, and one I use A LOT, because I really enjoy people-watching (in a very non-creepy kind of way, I can assure you!)

How it works:

Find yourself a spot where you’re surrounded by people. It doesn’t have to be a huge crowd, but it only works if you’re not on your own (obviously). It also works better if the people around you are strangers, but that’s not a problem if they aren’t.

Take a moment to observe every person you can see (again, in the most natural, non-creepy way you can manage). Then write what you imagine that person’s story to be. It can be a little or a lot, that’s up to you! For instance:

1. Who are they?

2. Where do they come from? And where are they going?

3. Why are they here in this place you’re observing them?

4. Who are the people they’re with and what’s their relationship to them?

5. If they’re alone, why are they sitting there alone?

6. What is their personality and character?

7. You can also practice writing up what they look like and what the setting around them is—that’s a great way to practice writing description.

8. What’s their past? What would their childhood have been like?

9. What would be their greatest struggle?

10. And so on and so forth.

Journaling Variation: Mindless Writing.

This is another form of writing exercise I do a lot. In fact I have about a hundred millions notes on my phone (barely exaggerating here) with all my mindless writing.

I should state here that I’ve kind of made up the term ‘Mindless Writing’, because that’s how I refer to it in my head. I haven’t checked whether that’s a legit thing or not, but it’s definitely somewhere on the journaling spectrum.

By mindless writing I refer to a form of informal journaling that’s completely unstructured and disorganised. Writing that has no point, no purpose, no planned outcome other than to exist for a few moments on the page. The sort of stream of consciousness writing that you do when something feels like it needs to come out.

How it works:

1. I’d recommend having a medium you use only for your Mindless Writing. A diary, a notebook or, in my case, a string of messy notes one your phone. Whatever you pick, it should be something that’s easily accessible wherever you go, because you may get the urge to note things down at any time.

2. Start writing without worrying about having a beginning or an end.

3. Take the first thought that’s going through your mind and roll with it. You can expand on each thought or move onto the next swiftly.

4. Don’t lift the pen off the page, or your fingers off the screen. Keep writing without any thought for style, grammar or typos.

5. I don’t normally set a timer for this type of writing, I tend to write until I feel satiated—until I have nothing else that comes up—but you can make your own rules here.

The More the Merrier.

The main reason why I signed up for the Flash Fiction battle I mentioned earlier was that a dear writer friend of mine suggested we do it together. It was great to have someone to hold me accountable for it, and it was a lot of fun sharing that experience with her. Later on, it was fascinating to seeeveryone’s entries and how different everyone’s outputs were when we all had similar prompts and instructions.

If you’re unsure about trying out one of these exercises, or you can’t quite gather the motivation to do it on your own, why not gather up a group of writers and do it all together? You don’t even need for someone to host a battle, you can create your own informal battle. It’s a lot more enjoyable sharing this with others. It gives you a chance to learn from others by seeing how different people handle the exact same prompts. It’s also a great way to build connections and friendships amongst the writer community—friends who write together, stay together!

Beyond the personal growth elements and the social aspect of it, it does a few other things on the practical front too: like I’ve said, having others doing it alongside you keeps you accountable. It’s a way to MAKE yourself do it and prevent you from bailing out. It’s also great content to be posting about on Social Media and grow your profile and your reach.

So, tell me. With so much to be gained… Why wouldn’t you give it a try?

[mollygetssherlockcoffee]

Sunflower

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: When Y/N joins the team, Bucky isn’t fond of her but as time goes on, she begin to form bond with the team and with him.

Warning: Swearing, torture, violence, death

Words: 20,971

A/N: All translations were made using Google, so sorry if they are wrong! This is also my first Marvel fic, and my first Bucky fic, so all feedback is welcome!

Master List   Tag List

 May

You’re nervous. Your palms sweat, even with the air conditioner pumping through the compound, and your heartbeat is elevated. You know that your presence is allowed but you don’t know whether they will accept you. After all, you were part of one of the most atrocious organisations that had ever existed.

Hydra was wicked, cruel, sadistic, merciless and they were your past.

 When approached and asked to be part of a drug trial, you had accepted. You were young, barely eighteen, and living on the streets of Krasnoyarsk. You had struggled to care for yourself, the orphanage having kicked you out a few months previous, and you had jumped at the chance of having a place to stay and food in your belly.

 It wasn’t until you were taken in, subjected rigorous testing, that you found out where you are. The company name they had originally given you was fabricated, and your insides turned to ice as you saw the Hydra symbol.

 You were, in a sense, tricked.

 You were trapped there, no way out and you knew you wouldn’t leave alive. You had, in a way, signed your own death warrant. You had been foolish, your mind to focused on food and a bed to properly ask about the company who wanted you. Saying that, they probably would have killed you if you had asked to many questions anyway.

 For three years, you were put through your paces. They taught you languages; English, German, Spanish, French, Romanian, Italian and others. You had to learn quick, and you were given daily tests. If you got a question wrong, a fist hit your stomach. If you completed the test with more than two wrong answers, you were sent to the Palach [Punisher]. His methods of…correcting…you varied. Beatings, cuttings, breakings, whippings…

 They also taught you how to fight. They didn’t go easy on you, in fact, it was the exact opposite. The trainer used his full force, you couldn’t tap out. You adapted, or you got hurt. He’d almost killed you once, just to show you how easy it was.

 It had taken you over two years, but you had developed your own style of fighting by studying his. While he was brutish, using his pure strength, you used your small structure. Your moves could be likened to those of a snake, you would slip around him, strike in the most unexpected of places and take him down that way. You fought like it was a dance, gracefully and beautifully.

 You also learned how to use a variety of weapons. You could shoot a range of guns now, could strip and clean them too. You were confident with knives, easily able to add them to a fight and harm your opponent. They’d even taught you how to use a bow and arrow, and a crossbow, though they weren’t a first choice of Hydra.

 In your three years, you learned more than you thought you were would. Did you want to learn all of this? No, of course not. You had no choice. With was either adept and learn or be killed. You didn’t want to die.

 Your final ‘test’, as they called it, was to take another person’s life. A young man, barely of age, with dark brown hair and green eyes. His eyes were rimmed red, tears trailing over his high cheekbones and dripping over the cloth stuffed in his mouth and off his chiselled jaw. You didn’t know his name, but his face would never leave you.

 You had hesitated a moment. You weren’t a killer, not by choice at least. You didn’t want to kill the young man, murder was not in your blood. However, you knew that it had been leading up to this moment. Why else would they be keeping you, training you?

 It was kill or be killed. So, you shot him.

 From there, the training was over. Then, the ‘drug trial’ began. For the first time in five years, you were given meals three times a day, for a week straight. They were building up your strength for what was to come. What were they going to do, that you would need to be so prepared for?

 You were reading a Mandarin language-learning book when they came in. You could converse in the language well enough, but it wasn’t your best. And you had to give your best. Four soldiers and three people in lab coats. The soldiers carried guns and had knives strapped to them, you knew they wouldn’t hesitate to shoot you if you tried to fight and run. You had seen that happen to another ‘subject’.

 You had been taken to lab where they usually tested you. When you entered, the three scientists joined their other eight colleagues. Your normal tests had only been conducted by three scientists, one preparing the tests and equipment, one doing the actual testing, and the final one recording the results. Seeing so many scientists, you knew this was it, that this was ‘the big day’, so to speak.

 You were strapped down, thick leather tightened around your body to hold you to the metal table. Your left arm was outstretched, your inner elbow exposed.

 Everyday you had been kept at Hydra, you had been scared. But at that moment, on that cold metal table, your fear was heightened. You didn’t know why. They had taught you how to kill, how to lie, how to steal, hack, seduce even… but they left you with fear. They wanted you to fear them, it would ensure your loyalty.

 Electrodes were attached to your forehead, the metal discs roughly pressed against your temple. A heart rate monitor was clipped to your finger and a blood pressure cuff was put around your right arm.

 You could hear the machine showing your heartrate increased as a scientist moved towards your left arm. In his hand, he held a large syringe. A think, green liquid swirled in it. It was vile looking, it was something you would expect to see in a swamp. He took your arm in one hand, bracing himself before pushing the needle through the skin of your inner elbow.

 As soon as the green mixture had entered your body, you had been set alight. You’d cried, screamed, begged for them to make it stop. Since joining Hydra, you had went through pain but this was unlike anything you had ever felt. Your whole body was on fire, flames burning you up from the inside.

 It hadn’t taken long for your eyes to roll and for you to pass out in pain.

 You had woken up three days later. You didn’t know what they had injected you with but it didn’t taken long for you to discover the results of it. When you got angry after being tied down, the ground had shaken. The stone floor had cracked and began to crumble. When you were scared when the guards entered, vines had extended from the walls to enclose you. When your hand had sat on the wooden table, a flower sprouted, its thorns wickedly sharp.

 You had could create and control the earth and plant-life.

 It was a terrifying discovery. You had walked into Hydra as a weak orphan, yet now you were a trained killer. You had walked into that lab a human, and now… now you were something else. You couldn’t be called a mutant; you were born like this. You were created. You were an experiment. A test subject.

 For two more years, you were subjected to more testing and more training. Hydra pushed you to the limits of your ability, seeing what you were capable of and forcing you to improve. You gained more control over time, soon able to completely control the earth around you with little effort. You also had to ‘update’ your technique with your new abilities. You learned how to weave your gift into your fighting style, making you all the more dangerous.

 Though you were skilled, you knew that someone would still be able to take you down.

 You had heard about him. The Soldat. You had heard the scientists whisper his name, but it was the guards outside your room which provided the information.

 “Soldat escaped” the first guard murmured quietly.

“Do you think they’ll send her after him?” the second questioned, just as quiet. You knew he was referring to you.

“Probably” the first confirmed. “They’d send her to the chair first. Still, with his metal arm he would beat her. It will be a waste.”

 You didn’t know what the chair was, but you knew it was bad. Thankfully, you never got to meet it.

 Less then a year later, the base you were kept at was stormed by the Avengers. You had seized the moment. While the guards had rushed to fight them off, you had broken the door of your room. A thick, green vine had curled around the large handle and ripped it from its hinges.

 You had run from the metal room, which they had put you in after discovering your abilities, and you hadn’t looked back. You had lifted a hand in front of you, causing a stone wall to break and you had climbed through, running into the forest.

 You escaped and went on the run. You were sure that those who had kept you at the base had either been captured or killed by the Avengers. Being in prison, or in a grave, they wouldn’t be able to come after you.

 You hadn’t counted on the Avengers not coming after you, though. You hadn’t thought of it previously but of course Hydra had files on you. When they had seized control of the base, the Avengers gained access to those files. They found out about who you were, what you could do. You were dangerous.

 It had put on the run from both sides. Other sources of Hydra might still know of you and want you, but now, the Avengers wanted you too.

 While on the run, you had heard more about The Soldat. While they called him that often, his code name was The Winter Soldier. He was a man out of time, taken by Hydra, turned into a weapon and frozen. He was a victim of the organisation, just like you. They had turned him into a super-soldier and given him a metal arm, strong enough to crush people’s skulls. No doubt strong enough to destroy you. Even with your abilities, he was stronger and more experienced than you.

 You knew they were after him, just like how they were after you.

 Then, it happened. Khvatka. Der Schnappschuss. The Snap.

 One minute, you were fine. The next, your hand had tingled. As you looked down, it began to turn to dust. You had been shocked, but that soon turned to horror as your arm turned to dust and surely… so did the rest of you.

 It seemed like only a moment later, you were opening your eyes again. Everything around you looked different, there were buildings surrounding you which hadn’t been there before. You knew you were in the same place though, the earth beneath your feel felt the same.

 You hadn’t understood what happened at first but then you had stolen the newspaper and heard people talking. Then, you understood. Half of all life, sentient and non-sentient, had been erased from the universe. And you were part of that half. You had been erased.

 You didn’t think it would affect you much. You had nothing before The Snap, you had nothing after. You were wrong. In a few short months following The Snap, the Avengers caught up with you.

 The Scarlett Witch, Captain America, Iron Man and The Black Widow.

 “I’m not going back to some lab!” you had growled at them, before running.

 They had caught you. in fairness, you would have been able to escape, but since leaving Hydra, you had refused to inflict harm. Your actions towards the Avengers were all in defence, and they had noticed that you didn’t not make an offensive move on them. You could have hurt them, killed them even, but instead, you just blocked.

 You had been so focused in not hurting them, The Flacon had been able to sneak up behind you and with a sharp prick to your neck, knock you unconscious.

 You had been extremely lucky that you only fought defensively. After extensively looking over your file, noticing your singular kill in, arguably, self-defence, you had been invited to join the Avengers. You didn’t know how they had arranged it, after all, you had previous ties to Hydra. However, it was either join them or be held in a secure unit.

 It wasn’t a tough choice.

 That led you to this moment. Standing outside of the meeting room which held all of the team members. While you knew there was a core group, there were many other notable members which weren’t always included in the specific name.

 “You ready?” Steve Rogers, Captain America, asked.

You rolled your lips between your teeth for a moment in nervousness before you nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready.

“Okay, lets do this” he pushes the door open, stepping into the room and holding the door for you to follow.

 Most of the team was on edge with you at first, watching you wearily. They knew who you were, where you had spent nearly six years of your life. You didn’t blame them for not trusting you straight away. Their trust was something you were going to have to earn. The only person to fully accept you straight away was the Scarlett Witch, Wanda Maximoff.

 She had previously been a test subject of Hydra which had given her gifts, including telepathy. You knew she had looked into your mind straight away and while it was invasive, you understood. By looking into you mind, she would know your thoughts, feelings and intentions. What she saw obviously convinced her you owed no ill will, which was true, and she readily welcomed you.

 The rest of the team politely nodded, said hello or gave you an awkward smile. Peter Parker, the youngest of the Avengers, seemed to do all three. Though he was obviously nervous of you, you had been with Hydra, he stilled tried to welcome you enthusiastically. It was sweet of him, you thought, offering the teenager a small smile.

 “Funny suit” you commented, head slightly tilted as your eyes looked over the spiderweb pattern.

He looks down at his suit before nodding at you. “Thanks. I’m Spider-Man.”

You hummed in amusement, he was a little too young to be considered a man, but it was cute.

 The rest of the team greeted you until you got to the final member.

 Standing close to the door, in a position allowing him to have complete view of the room and the entrance was someone you recognised description alone. He was tall, with long, dark hair which made his blue-grey eyes stand out. His mouth was set in a hard line as he watched you, arms folded across his chest. Though he had on a long-sleeved shirt and his hand was hidden by his right arm, you knew his left arm was metal.

 This was The Soldat, The Winter Soldier.

 You tried not to react. This was the man who could take you down, with absolute certainty. Hydra said he would be able to do it, you had to believe in that fact. Looking at him now, you could see why they came to that conclusion. He was much larger than you.

 “This is Bucky” Steve introduced.

“da [yes]” you can’t help but fall into Russian. There was something about him that made your mind fall back to Hydra, where they had only allowed you to converse in Russian. It was probably because that was where you knew him from. His jaw clenched, and his nostrils flared minutely. His head titled up and he looked down his nose at you. Tensing, you quickly spoke again. “Sorry.”

“Dobro pozhalovat’ v komandu [Welcome to the team]” his voice was gruff and low. As soon as the words were out, we passed you, careful not to touch you, and left the room.

 Steve apologised for his friend, watching him go without a single glance back. You waved off his apology, assuring him that Bucky wasn’t rude and that you had probably unintentionally made him uncomfortable by speaking Russian.

 Later in the evening, you ate dinner with the rest of the Avengers, but you didn’t see Bucky again.

  July

 You collapsed onto the couch, holding the cold-water bottle against your neck. You had peeled off your suit, which was similar to Natasha’s but was dark green in colour and taken a shower. Though the water had been cool, your body was still hot.

 “Move” Wanda ordered.

 You sat up slightly, allowing her to sit down before you rested you head in her lap. She moaned as she sunk into the cushions of the couch, and you knew her body ached just as yours did. She adjusted herself again, and then her hand moved to play with your hair.

 Since joining the Avengers two months ago, your relationships with the members had improved. You were closest to Wanda, who had quickly become a close friend and confidant. In your first few days at the compound, you had been quiet and just observed the team, not taking part in their talks and jokes. Wanda, however, made sure to speak quietly to you at every meal. She slowly brought you out of your shell and encouraged you to develop your relationships with the other members.

 Your relationships with the rest of the team was varied.

 As Wanda trusted you, Vision seemed to be open to you. He wasn’t your biggest fan, believe that with your abilities, you posed a strong threat. However, he was respectful. He would often join you and Wanda for film nights and would keep you both supplied with popcorn. He spoke to you politely, but never singled you out for conversation. It strangely hurt your feelings, considering how close you were to Wanda, but you accepted his attitude towards you.

 Upon seeing you use your gift, Peter Parker wanted to spend time with you whenever you were both at the compound. He was fascinated by the power of your abilities and the level of control you had. He asked multiple questions, eager to understand how you were able to do what you could. While it had made you uncomfortable at first, you soon began to appreciate his interest. He didn’t want to know these things because he wanted to use you, or because he was scared but because he admired you.

 And while you spoke about your abilities often, you also spoke about him. He was struggling with his language class and, being fluent in most languages, you had offered to help. He had also shyly asked you to forge Aunt May’s signature on his language test when he got a bad grade. You had done it, but you had told him he needed to speak to May about it.

 Aunt May was accepting of your relationship towards Peter. At first, she had been weary, which you couldn’t blame her for, but then her attitude changed in the few weeks between visits. You think it was Peter’s doing, that he had gone home and spoken about you. Perhaps told her that you helped with his schoolwork, that every weekend you’d give him a bunch of flowers for his girlfriend, MJ. Or maybe about the time you scolded him for his recklessness on a mission and sent him to his room at the compound without dessert.

 While Aunt May was his mother figure, you had seemed to have taken on the role of overprotective older sister. A role which May seemed happy for you to have. She had spoken to you just last week about how grateful she was that you were helping Peter and keeping an eye on him while on missions.

 Tony Stark had taken somewhat of a liking towards you. He had provided you with your new suit and various weapons, all of which you were grateful for. Just like with the rest of the team, he did tend to tease you. He often called you Ivy after the famous ‘Poison Ivy’ from Batman. It was so common to hear that nickname, it was sometimes used instead of your codename.

 You didn’t have a codename when you were with Hydra, they just called you ‘The Subject’, but joining the Avengers had afforded you one. Hemlock. It was a stupid codename and you had immediately hated whoever had assigned it to you. You understood the choosing of it, it was a deadly plant, but still… it was stupid.

 Though Tony’s nickname was unoriginal, and it occasionally annoyed you, you much preferred it. Hemlock just seemed presumptuous. It was a deadly planet and having that as your codename, would make you appear to be deadly. You had the potential to be, yes, but you had only ever harm one person and that was out of a need for survival.

 Natasha Romanoff usually observed you quietly, as if waiting for you to flip and attack. However, she didn’t go out of her way to make you unwelcome. She included you in conversation and would normally speak in Russian, which was also her native language, but you think that was to annoy Tony. He hated to be excluded.

 She was sassy, her jokes hidden within her words. Though you hadn’t grown close with her yet, you could see yourself favouring her in the future. There was an appeal about her, she was mysterious, and it kept people interested, wanting to know more. You were no exception.

 You had only seen Clint Barton once or twice, but he was always nice. He also adopted Tony’s nickname, calling you that more often that your own name. He didn’t seem to care for you though, not in a mean way, but in a way which he doesn’t view you as a threat. Which was refreshing.

 It was from Tony that you learned Clint lived on a farm with his family, who had previously lost to The Snap. It was nice to know that while being a ‘hero’ didn’t mean you couldn’t have a normal, quiet life.

 James Rhodes was another member of the Avengers that you didn’t have much contact with. Though you saw him around the compound, it was only ever in passing. He was often with not alone, with Tony or a military colleague. When he was alone, he carried files in his hands which he read through, ignoring the environment around him.

 Sam Wilson welcomed you easily. While he kept you at arm’s length for the first few weeks, that soon gave way to flirtatious teasing. You knew he meant nothing by it, and you enjoyed the comments, no one had ever said such things to you. Though there was no attraction there, between either of you, you both enjoyed the flirtatious attention you afforded the other.

 He had taken to calling you Petal, or the shortened Pet, a cute nickname because you were as delicate as a flower and also because of your ability. You acted annoyed when he called you it but secretly, you adored it. It was cute, sweet, and it felt like it fit.

 Sam was also the one who you trained with often, though you tried to put him off it. You were trained to kill by Hydra, your skills on par with Natasha and Bucky – though he was much stronger than you. You could make Sam down in minutes, which a few members of the team enjoyed seeing, but you could beat him in seconds on the rare occasion you used your ability.

 Still, he insisted. “You need your practice, Pet, I’m not always going to be there to save you.”

 You beat him every time.

 Steve Rogers was the unofficial leader of the team. Unofficial, because he didn’t want anyone to think he was above them. However, he was the one who decided on and led missions. He was the one who kept the team in line, he was the one who kept an eye out for everyone.

 Since introducing you to the team, you hadn’t seen much of him; for various reasons. He worked often, going on missions more and when he wasn’t, he was busy preparing for the next mission. When he wasn’t doing that, he was working out with Bucky or just spending time with his best-friend.

 And therein was the reason you hardly saw the Captain.

 Bucky Barnes did not appear to be a fan of yours. Your presence seemed to make the man uncomfortable. When you entered the room, he would sit up straighter, would tense and watch you as you moved about. When you trained in the gym, his eyes would focus on you and you knew he was working out your style, to know how best to take you down. He only spoke to you when necessary and he was always short and to the point.

 He wasn’t outright rude, but his dislike of you was clear. The only time he had outright asked about something pertaining to you, it was when he was confused over Tony’s nickname for you. Tony had proceeded to introduce him to the Batman comics and with Poison Ivy’s character, you were sure you were put in a darker light.

 In his avoidance of you, Steve was also avoiding you by association.

 You didn’t see much of the other Avengers. Thor was often in Asgard but had graced the compound with his presence occasionally. He was always polite but often kept a close eye on you, especially when his brother, Loki, took a shine to you.

 Loki thought you were interesting for a mortal. He had never met a mortal who could control nature like you could, he called you ‘The Life Giver’ which you had strongly disagreed with. However, you found Loki fun to socialise with, he was interesting and mischievous, often liking to cause trouble which you couldn’t help but find amusing. He also had a love of knives which you shared an interest in and you had compared various weapons, discussing the pros and cons of each.

 Honestly, none of the Avengers approved of your blossoming friendship with the God of Mischief. Still, they let you be, though they kept close watch.

 You had only met Doctor Strange once but you found him fascinating. A sorcerer of great power, you were amazed by his abilities. Peter had told you how he had worked with Doctor Strange during the battle against Thanos, and that the magician could create portals. Thor had taken that moment to delight in telling you that Doctor Strange had made Loki fall through a portal for thirty minutes.

 Apart from that first meeting, you also hadn’t met any of the other members of the team again. King T’Challa and his sister, Princess Shuri had left almost immediately for their home. Scott Lang didn’t often visit the compound but whenever he did, you didn’t happen across him.

 “I can’t wait for winter” you huffed, dragging the bottle over your sweltering skin.

“Too hot for you, Pet?” Sam asked, taking a seat on the couch opposite you.

“Mm” you agreed. “I’m Russian, we like the cold. My sozdany dlya etogo [We’re made for it].”

“Kak pokazyvayet tvoye serdtse [As your heart shows]” Natasha jested, earning a chuckle from you.

 While the words at face value were funny, it was hiding a meaning behind them which you both chuckled at. Natasha was one of the best spies in the world, tied with Bucky. She was observant and smart, and it hadn’t taken her long to put two-and-two together.

 She knew you found The Winter Solider attractive. You couldn’t help it. Tall, broad shoulders, dark hair and beautiful eyes. He was a stunning specimen of a man. He was clearly intelligent and undoubtedly observant, with a key attention to detail.

 Working with him on missions and seeing him the limited times around the compound had drawn your attention. There was something about him. He was all man. Your body hummed when he was near, and you were acutely aware of his presence.

 You didn’t bother to deny your attraction when Natasha had confronted you. There was no point. There was no lying to Natasha Romanoff. She didn’t judge you from you crush. She did, however, make veiled comments.

 “What does that mean?” Tony asked, looking between the two of you. “You know its very rude to speak in a language that others don’t speak.”

“Bucky can speak it, he counts as others” you shrugged, smirking at Tony. “Eto ne nasha vina, chto vash ‘geniy’ zakhodit tak daleko [It’s not our fault your ‘genius’ only goes so far].”

This earned a laugh from Natasha and Bucky, who was quietly leaning against a wall, Steve sitting in front of him. Tony’s eyes flickered between the three of you, “What? What did she say?”

“On vyuchit odin den’ [He’ll learn one day]” Natasha smirked, wiggling her eyebrows at the billionaire.

“What? Bucky,” he turned to the quiet assassin, arm extended and pointing at you and Natasha. “What are they saying? Are they talking about me? What did they say?”

 Bucky’s eyes went from Tony to you. His blue-grey eyes taking in your relaxed pose, leaning against Wanda as you held the cooling bottle against the base of your neck. You fought to keep your heartrate calm, his gaze sending tingles down your spine.

 “YA somnevayus’, chto on budet [I doubt he will]” he rumbled before throwing the tiniest smirk at Tony and turning to leave the room.

 It took a moment for you and Natasha to process his words but then you’re both laughing as Tony continues to question what you all were saying.

  August

 Your hands sat palm down, fingers spread as the glass tickled between them. Your hands ran against the grass and you sighed, smiling to yourself. You could feel the hum of the earth beneath your palms, the steady thrum of life which only you could feel.

 It was an intoxicating feeling. Since leaving Hydra, you had taken great pleasure with just being part of the life around you. With your abilities over nature, you could feel the power of the earth and you fed off it.

 In Hydra, they closely monitored your exposure to nature, not wanting to give you an opportunity to fight back and escape. You had never been able to explore the deep connection you had with the earth but since escape, it was something you indulged yourself in at every opportunity.

 The compound is surrounded by open fields which back off onto tidy forests. After obtaining permission from Tony, you had happily taken ownership over a small section of the property and turned it into your own, personal, sanctuary.

 You had started at the very beginning and created a small pond. It hadn’t been very hard to create the hole and line it with stone. You did take your time, lining the stones in a perfect formation with small ones framing the smaller ones. Tony had called in a water truck to fill it for you, which took an hour or two, but you hand enjoyed watching the pond fill.

 When it was full, dressed in a new bikini, you had climbed into the pond. The water wasn’t deep, going to just above your waist. Your fingers trailed over the surface of the water, leaving flowers floating. Beautiful lily pads with bright pink lotuses, purple water lilies and water hyacinth. Yellow water poppies floated behind you, lazily moving across the pond. You walked to the edge pond, your finger running over the sides and leaving broadleaf arrowhead behind.

 Flowers and weeds would soon bloom around the pond, and you hoped it would attract wildlife. It would be lovely to see frogs, dragonflies, and butterflies. You hoped that when your little spot of paradise was done, it would be teaming with life.

 You crouched on the grass on north-west side of the pond and touched your hand to the earth. You breathed out slowly, closing your eyes as you envisioned what you wanted. The ground beneath you hummed as your power soaked into the grass below you, spreading outwards. You could feel the ground welcome you and allow you to bend it to your will.

 You focus on the soil, creating the image in your mind of what you wanted. Long, strong roots buried deep in the ground, anchoring the large tree. From the ground, a large base would emerge with dark brown bark. It would stand tall, the thickness of the trunk showing strength and making it appear old. Branches would expend out, weighted down by long branchlets. You imagined them spanning wide, going so far as to dangle over the pond’s side.  

 You opened your eyes and stood up, smiling to yourself as you looked at the weeping willow in front of you. A hybrid of two different types of willow, it only had a life span of between forty to seventy-five years, but you knew you could make it live for a lot longer.

 The tree fit in perfectly with the pond, giving off an enchanted vibe. It looked like something out of a fairy-tale, as if magical creatures would be hiding within the weeping willows branchlets. You created a stone bench at the base of the trunk and framed it with blooming flowers of varying colour, adding to the magical appearance.

 You had made sure the rest of your area was full of natures favourites. There was plenty of nectar-rich flowers for bees and hummingbirds, with bright and bold colours to attract them. Marigolds, pansies and petunias sprouted, ready for the hungry tummies of rabbits you hoped to see in the future. You didn’t know whether the neighbouring trees housed deer but on the off chance, you made sure to grow hostas, daylilies and roses on the edge of the tree line.

 Not wanting to make such a harsh change, you had extended some flowers into the other fields, letting them slowly grow to have more and more as they went towards your plot. It was a beautiful sight, anyone would agree.

 Slowly, as the weeks went by, life began to bloom within your paradise. It started off small, a few butterflies and a stray dragonfly. Tiny frogs, that would hop away and hide if you got too close. Then you found the small warren and when you hid to spy on it, your heart warmed as the tiny rabbit’s nose which peaked out. It was incredible, to say the least.

 Since creating this little slice of heaven, Steve had visited with his sketchbook in hand. The image the sanctuary provided was beautiful and something he was eager to capture. He had given you one of his sketches, one that was coloured in with watercolours which blended together. You had hung it on your bedroom wall that day.

 Wanda had visited, smiling softly at the rose canina which scattered around the area. They were the flowers her brother used to pick for her, which were native to her homeland of Sokovia and the neighbouring country of Slovakia. Since then, you had made a small bush of the flowers outside her window and made sure it was always in bloom. She had said nothing but the smile she had was thanks enough.

 The most common guest to your sanctuary was the most surprising. Bucky. He would come to quietly sit on the stone bench, lost in his thoughts as he watched the breeze blow the branchlets of the weeping willow. He found peace in that spot, and he enjoyed the freeness of the area rather than the confines of the compound.

 One time, you had brushed through the branchlets of the tree to see him sitting motionless, watching a rabbit eat the marigolds on the floor beside him. You had frozen, worried about startling the little animal, but it ignored you, carrying on with its early afternoon snack.

 “You’re here almost as often as I am” you observed, carefully walking to the edge of the pond.

“Its nice” he grunted, looking around appreciatively. “The compound can be… crowded.”

“Yes” you agree. You look over your shoulder to see him tracing a rose with his finger, avoiding the prickly thorns. “What flowers do you like, Bucky?”

 Since that evening in July, Bucky had been more open towards you. Though he still kept his distance, he didn’t out-right avoid you. He no longer tensed when you entered the room, but his eyes remained on you, keeping a close watch. His observations of your fighting style had decreased and now he actually continued his work out, only throwing occasional glances at you.

 It was progress.

 “Sunflowers” he finally replied, having been sorting through his thoughts for the last few minutes.

 The next time he visited the sanctuary, sunflowers lined the entrance to the willow’s spot.

 Now, you sit with your palms on the grass with your fingers spread. You allowed yourself to just breathe in the fresh air and enough the hum of life beneath your palms. It was a wonderful feeling, making your heart fill with content as you allowed yourself to just feel.

 So entuned with the earth beneath you, you felt the approach of another instantly. You knew their footsteps would be considered light, soundless, but through the ground it felt heavy. There are five sets of footsteps approaching from in front of you, a direction that no one should be coming from. There about a mile out, far enough that your other senses wouldn’t have picked them up.

 There’s another set of footsteps behind you. These ones feel light even through the ground and you quickly recognise them. You don’t turn your head to him when he pushes through the branchlets and instead keep your eyes in front of you.

 “Na severe otsyuda yest’ proryv [There’s a perimeter breach, north of here]” his voice is low, and you know his eyes are scanning the area. He always speaks to you in Russian during missions when he doesn’t want locals or enemies to know what he’s saying. “Natal’ya i Toni idut szadi. Oni idut syuda [Natalia and Tony are coming in from behind them. They’re coming this way].”

“Pyat’ iz nikh. Meneye chem v odony mile [Five of them. Less than one mile out]” you inform him.

 You ignored Bucky as he quietly passed on your information to Natasha and Tony, and, instead, focused of the intruders approaching. They walked in formation, and you could feel the heaviness of the weight they carried. They weren’t hikers who had gotten lost, these were people looking for the compound and with the sneaking up, you could assume their intentions weren’t good.

 You take in a deep breath before pushing your ability outwards. In your minds eyes, plants begin to grow on the path before the intruders. Stinging nettles, hogweed, pain bush, and poison ivy. You line the forest floor which leads to your sanctuary with the plants. Though not plants that will kill, they are ones which will cause discomfort and, hopefully, impact the intruders.

 You ensure to line the way with overgrown roots, little pockets underneath where a person could catch their foot. It wouldn’t be enough to stop them, but it will slow them down.

 “YA mogu sdelat’ otverstiye, chtoby derzhat’ ikh. Oni dolzhny byt’ blizhe, khotya [I can make a hole to hold them. They need to be closer though],” you tell him, standing up and looking at him. “Mne nuzhno umet’ pravil’no yego razmer [I need to be able to size it correctly].”

 Bucky nods and reiterates to Natasha and Tony, telling them to follow the group but keep a distance. He pulls out a knife from his leg holster, flipping it in his hand and preparing. He trusted that you would be able to effectively take down the intruders, but he still liked to be prepared for anything. That was the solider, the assassin, in him.

 Soon enough, the intruders were close. You couldn’t see them through the trees but you could feel them through the earth. You knew Bucky could see them, he was a super solider with heightened senses.

 You quickly took note of where each member of the group was. One leading, dead centre. Two sets flank to the left and two to the right, in a triangle formation. The weight in their feet makes it easy to calculate their heights, the tallest being just over six foot.

 Their weight shifts slightly, they’re preparing themselves. Without waiting to see what they are readying themselves for, you open a pit below them. It was quick, instantaneous. The once solid ground simply opened up and swallowed them, leaving them in a pit eight feet deep.

 By the time they’re on their feet, the hole is surrounded. You and Bucky stand on one side, Natasha and Tony on the other. Bucky and Natasha have guns out, each pointed at the group while Tony brandishes his Iron Man blasters.

 Standing over them, you quickly allow vines to grow out of the sides of the hole. They grasp onto the intruders, wrapping around them and preventing them moving. They’ve unable to pick up their military-issued guns from the floor nor get the handguns or knives from their holsters.

 “I didn’t realise we were having a party” Tony sasses, his helmet retreating.

 You used the vines to lift each intruder out one at a time. Bucky and Natasha quickly relieved them of any weapons on their person and Natasha cuffed them with zip-ties that were in a compartment on her suit. If their grunts were anything to go by, she made sure the zip-ties were tight.

 When they were all above ground and cuffed, you quickly filled in the hole. You didn’t want any stray animals falling in it and getting hurt. With their weapons in a pile, you form a basket of branches around them to carry them.

 Tony leads the way through the sanctuary, mental hand on the shoulder of the leader of the group. Bucky follows behind with two more of the group, each of his hands griping one of their arms. Natasha escorts the final two and you are left to carry the numerous weapons.

 “Tony, watch the sunflowers!” you scold as he roughly shoulders past one.

“You can just make another one” he scoffs, pushing the leader forward when he tried to stall.

“No, Tony, they’re special!” you tell him, stopping beside the sunflower to make sure it was okay and undamaged. “This is our safe space; you can’t just walk around like a brute.”

“I’m not walking around like a brute” he defends, looking at you over his shoulder. “And it’s just a flower, Y/N.”

“’Just a flower’?!” your voice rises with outrage. “I’ll have you know-”

“Ostav’ eto, Y/N, on ne ponimayet [Leave it, Y/N, he doesn’t understand]” Bucky says.

 Though you were no longer ‘on a mission’, so to speak, he liked to speak in Russian to annoy Tony. After the instance last month and a few repeated scenarios, Tony had attempted to learn Russian but after a week, he soon gave up. Bucky, Natasha and you often spoke in the language to annoy the billionaire, with the former two taking great pleasure in making him uncomfortable.

 “No Bucky- [But Bucky-]” you protested, throwing a glare at the billionaire.

“YA znayu [I know]” he nods. “On yego povredil? [Did he damage it?]”

“Net [No]” you confirmed.

Bucky let out a grunt and nodded, throwing a look of displeasure at Tony.

 Though you hadn’t outright discussed it, Bucky knew that the sunflowers were specifically grown for him. They were a way of showing that Bucky was welcomed in the sanctuary, that it was a place that he could escape to, should he need to.

 It was something he was grateful for. While he wasn’t a man who was particularly enthused by nature, he could appreciate its calming and healing abilities. The willow tree bench often brought him comfort in times of stress, ever peaceful with disruptions only coming from the wind or small passing animals.

 Bucky had been truthful when he told you his favourite flower was a sunflower. He didn’t, however, tell you why. You didn’t pry, it wasn’t any of your business and you suspected it had something to do with life before the war. You knew he was truthful though, because you sometimes caught him gently stroking the petals of one of the flowers, a far-off look on his face.

 Once you had returned to the compound, you separated from the group. You took the weapons to Tony’s lab, knowing that he would want to examine them before they were put in the lock-up. You had only visited Tony’s lab twice. The first time was when he wanted to run tests on your abilities, which you had reluctantly agreed to. The second time was two weeks ago when you dropped off a vial which you had been sent on a solo mission to gain.

 Since Hydra, you weren’t a fan of labs or doctors’ offices. They made you extremely nervous and set you on edge. It made you feel like you were still in Hydra, that you were going to be strapped down and another serum would be pushed through your veins.

 It was a terrifying thought. You never wanted to return to that lab, to be tied down again. While you were grateful for your abilities, if you could go back, you would change so much. You would have stayed on the streets of Krasnoyarsk, would have taken your chances at survival there. Hydra had changed you, and you still weren’t sure whether there were truly any ways it had changed you for the better.

 Doctor Cho said it was completely normal, it was a form of PTSD, and as such, if you needed medical attention, she came to your room. While you still weren’t completely comfortable having a doctor around you, being in your own space made you more comfortable and allowed you to remain calm as you received medical treatment.

 With your drop off complete, you returned to the team’s living quarters.

 The kitchen was a beautiful mix of light grey and white, with marble countertops. Everything matched, from the white appliances to the grey cupboards. On the island was a vase of flowers, that you always kept in bloom, which offered the space the only pop of colour. The vibrant pinks, blues and yellows seemed to somehow brings the space together.

 The arched doorway led into the living room. Though Tony had paid for it all, you knew that Sam and Natasha were the ones who chose the furniture. The plush ‘L’ shape couch was a dark grey, with colourful pillows and a two thick throw blankets over the back. Two soft armchairs sat on the right, with the TV at the end completing the rectangle of furniture.

 There was once a fluffy rug under the coffee table, which sat in the middle of the put-together shape. However, Bucky wasn’t in the habit of removing his boots and had trailed dirt all over it. Wanda had gotten it clean, but it was a repeated offence until it was finally just thrown out.

 As you passed through the kitchen, you waved your hand over the vase, brightening the flowers. While they were still beautiful, it looked like they had been knocked slightly and bent out of shape. It wasn’t a surprise, while they respected your ability, the Avengers didn’t tend to take care towards your plants.

 Except Bucky.

 He was always mindful of your plants. While he often touched the plants in the sanctuary, never once had he left a single petal out of place. When the team was having ‘family’ meals, he would quickly pull the vase of flowers from the table before Sam could accidently knock them off while roughhousing with one of the other men. You’d heard him telling Natasha and Peter to be careful when they had nearly toppled the flowers over while throwing snacks to each other.

 It was only a small thing for him to do, but it still meant a lot to you. Bucky knew, perhaps better than anyone, what you could do with your abilities but still, he didn’t want to cause more damage than absolutely necessary to your plants.

 And while you weren’t close with the man, it would be a lie to say you didn’t have a soft spot for him. The way he respected your creations warmed your heart. He could barely be labelled as a friend. Still, it reaffirmed the crush that you had on him.

 You curled yourself into the corner of the couch, folding your legs under yourself. You grabbed the TV remote, knowing you had at least a few hours to waste until you would find out why the intruders were at the compound. You settled on Kitchen Nightmares, snuggling yourself further into the cushions.

 Natasha found you a few hours later, eyes slightly glazed over as you were lost in your thoughts. You didn’t blink as she turned of the TV, and you didn’t acknowledge her until she gently shook your shoulder.

 “Nat?” you blinked, looking around. “When did you get here, what’s going on?”

“Only a moment ago, you seemed pretty lost in your thoughts” she told you, taking a seat on the couch. “We got them talking, in the end. We know why they came here.” “And?” you asked, sitting up straighter and turning to face her.

She waited a moment, her eyes carefully taking in your expression. “They came for you and Barnes.”

“Hydra?” you sighed when she nodded in confirmation. “It’s been years and yet they still want us.”

“We thought we had got all of their agents… obviously we were wrong” she said, head tilting and eyebrow lifting slightly as she spoke.

“‘Cut off one head and two more shall take its place’” you quoted.

  October

 You had never celebrated Halloween before. You had been raised in an orphanage un by the Orthodox Church and Halloween was act of betrayal to God. After leaving the orphanage, you had been taken into Hydra, where you never celebrated anything. After escaping the clutches of Hydra, you had been on the run. There was no time to celebrate a Pagan holiday while running for your life.

 For the last week, Peter had not stopped talking about the upcoming holiday. You knew the young hero was excited, he practically bounced when it was mentioned. He got especially excited when Tony had announced he was throwing a Halloween party and that Peter could invite his friends.

 “What was Halloween like in Russia, Y/N?” Peter asked you.

“It’s not hugely popular, not enough to be a tradition, anyway. People do celebrate it though” you replied. “When Russia welcomed the West in the nineties, it became more well-known… it depends on where in Russia you are from. The Orthodox Church doesn’t approve of celebrating it at all, so if you’re from a religious area…” you shrugged, trailing off.

“Did you ever celebrate it?” he passed the carton of ice-cream over to you.

“No” you shook your head, accepting the scooper. “This will be my first time.”

“Oh, you’ll love it! It’s so much fun!” he assured.

 After you had agreed to attend Tony’s party in two weeks’ time, you had gone costume shopping with Natasha and Wanda. You hadn’t been planning on dressing up as anything really, you were happy to just put of your suit and go like that. However, neither of the girls were willing to let you do that.

 “So, what do you want to be?” Wanda asked, browsing the shelves at the local mall.

“I don’t know” you shrug, following after her. “What are you going to be?”

“Vis and I are doing couples-costumes this year” she blushes. “We’re going as Alice and The Mad Hatter.”

“I’m going as Pennywise; I have the hair for it” Natasha shrugs.

“What’s Pennywise?” you ask, looking between your two friends.

“You’ve never seen It?! You’ve seen Sleepless in Seattle, but you haven’t seen It?” Natasha huffed in disbelief.

“Tom Hanks is in Sleepless in Seattle… I like Tom Hanks” you defended weakly, giving an awkward smile and a small shrug.

“We’ll watch it later, it’s great” Wanda assured.

 You continued to search the store for a costume, but nothing caught your eye. As you were beginning to think that maybe you just wouldn’t find one, a gasp to your left caught your attention. You turned quickly, your arm raised and ready in case someone was being attacked.

 Instead, Wanda stood holding a costume, grinning and bouncing in her spot as she showed you. As soon at Natasha saw it, she was smirking at you too, firmly agreeing with her choice. As you hadn’t found anything you liked, though you had been in the store for two hours, you reluctantly agreed to their choice.

 Later that evening, you sat on the couch with the rest of the team as Wanda kneeled in front of the TV. She placed the DVD into the player and grabbed the remote, returning to her seat beside Vision. She had managed to gather the whole team into the front room to watch It, a horror film you had never seen before.

 Wanda had shown you DVD case earlier and you had to admit, you were already a little on edge. You were an Avenger, trained by Hydra, with abilities beyond normal. However, seeing a picture of the clown, Pennywise, made your stomach turn. Especially when there appeared to be children involved.

 “Oh, no…oh, no” you whisper quietly to yourself, watching the small paper boat drain.

 The child, Georgie, was wearing a yellow raincoat like the child on the front of the DVD case. It was reasonable to assume he would meet the clown. Now, you weren’t a particularly nervous person in normal circumstances, but you grew up surrounded by children and looking after younger children in the orphanage. The instinct to protect children was ingrained within you, so you know this film would put you on edge.

 You hardly notice as you start to tilt to the left, your hand lifting up to pull at their shirt. The pulling causes them to lean forward slightly, enough for you to tuck your head behind them with your eyes peaking over their shoulder. You quickly close your eyes, ducking your head to hide as Pennywise’s mouth opens and reveals its pointed teeth.

 You breathe in deeply through your nose and its then that you realise who you are hiding behind. His unique smell fills your senses, making your head go fuzzy for a moment. It was a wonderful mixture of mint and woods. It was the scent of the outdoors, dirt and wood and rain. There was another smell underneath, something you couldn’t identify that was just all him. It was intoxicating, making your eyes want to roll back.

 You slowly pull away from Bucky, moving back to sit properly. Your cheeks are ablaze, no doubt bright red with embarrassment. You had never touched Bucky before and the first time you had, you had hidden behind him because of a film.

 Though Bucky had allowed you to move him – he was more than strong enough to resist you – you knew he wasn’t comfortable with that contact. While he hadn’t been rigid, his body had been tensed against yours. You knew Bucky well enough to know that he didn’t have physical contact with many people. He hugged Steve every now and again, received and gave friendly pats of the back with Sam, and often physically trained with other agents. However, that was the extent of the physical contact.

 Guilt ate up at you. You liked Bucky, harboured a small crush on him, and making him uncomfortable was not something you had wanted to do. You hadn’t even realised that you were moving to hide behind him. Still, you thought, that wasn’t an excuse.

 “Sorry” you whispered, so low that only he would be able to hear you.

“‘s’fine” Bucky replied, eyes not leaving the screen.

 You sat stoically throughout the rest of the film, so lost in your embarrassment that you hardly jumped. You couldn’t believe you had done that, that you basically cuddled up to him.

 In honesty, you weren’t surprised you had leaned towards Bucky when you were scared. It had been a subconscious decision to seek comfort from him, rather than from Sam who was to your right. Something about Bucky just screamed ‘safe’.

 A soldier, Hydra trained assassin, and valuable member of the Avengers, Bucky was not a man to be trifled with. He was strong, brave, and powerful. In every sense of the words. However, while you knew of his brute strength, there was something about his quiet persona which also assured you. He was observant, thoughtful, smart and patient.

 Everything about him screamed ‘protective’. You knew it wasn’t just your mind telling you things either. Bucky had proved on multiple occasions that he had the teams back, including yours. He had thrown a Hydra agent away from Natasha when she had been caught up in a fight with two other and hadn’t seen him sneaking up behind her. He had covered Wanda when she was using her powers to contain a bomb. He had covered for Sam when a one-night-stand just didn’t’ get the hint.

 He watched out for all of the team, without expecting them to return the favour. Of course, the team looked out for him in return, he just didn’t just assume they would. They worked together well, treating each other like the family they were.

 The film ended and the room was plunged into darkness for a moment before F.R.I.D.A.Y switched on the lights. On the right of you, Sam was sprawled against the couch with his head tilted back and soft snores falling from his nose. Looking around, you noticed Tony was also fast asleep and Peter was yawning.

 “So, what did you think, Y/N?” Natasha asked, shifting in her chair to face you.

“I didn’t like the clown�� you admitted, blushing as you bit your lip and shrugged.

“Really, you’re scared of clowns?” Peter questioned. “Why?”

“That film… erm, the…the…I don’t know it in English. Pokhititel’ detey [Child snatcher]” you replied.

“Child snatcher” Bucky and Natasha translated simultaneously, before Natasha continued, “’Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’.”

“Mm” you confirmed with a nod. “We were told he was a clown who took children… It scared us all. The nuns would always threaten us, tell us that he’ll come to get us.”

“But he doesn’t look like a clown” Peter protested, confused.

“No” you agreed, nodding. “But when you’re young and that comparison is made, it sticks.”

 When Halloween came, you were locked up in your room to get ready with Wanda and Natasha. The women had both been excited for that the party, and you had secluded yourselves to get ready four hours early.

 Wanda looked beautiful in her short blue dress, with a white apron and a pair of white tights. The front sections of her hair were pulled back from her face, held back by an invisible hair tie and a blue headband. Her hair was lightly curled, bouncing down her back beautifully. Her black heels sat by the bedroom door, ready for her to slip on when you all left for the party.

 Natasha, true to her word, was dressed as Pennywise. The female, sexier version, anyway. She wore a short, ruffled dirty white dress with red pompoms down the middle. White knee-high socks covered her legs with a pair of blood red pumps on her feet. Her red hair was in two pigtails, the ends waved. Her face was painted white, with two vertical lines cutting through her eyes, over her cheeks and connecting to her red lips.

 As uncomfortable as clowns made you, you couldn’t deny that Natasha looked great as the killer clown.

 You stood in front of the full-length mirror, pulling at the hair that fell over your shoulders. While you could admit that you looked good, you still didn’t know whether you were up for wearing it. You were showing more skin than usual, much more, and something inside you said that was wrong.

 “You look great” Natasha assured you. “You just need to add the vines.”

 Your eyes ran over your body again. You wore a tight green corset body bodysuit which pushed your breasts up and together. Wanda had help you put on the authentic looking pink-red wig which fell in long waves over your chest and down your back. The two women had insisted that you skip the green tights and just wore the green heels with your legs near bare.

 While you looked good, your outfit wasn’t yet a costume. Not a proper one, at least. You walked over to your windowsill, hovering your hand over the small pot of dirt that sat there. Slowly, two stems of vines poked out from the soil. You reached in, plucking them out and bending over to hold them against your ankles.

 A few moments later, long vines were wrapped around your ankles and extended up your ships and curled around the bottom of your thigh, just above the knee cap. Small pink, white and yellow flowers bloomed sparingly along the vines, adding pops of colour around green leaves.

 Picking one of the leaves and holding it to your chest, you closed your eyes and envisioned yourself. You imagined the more leaves sprouting from the one you held, imagined them growing and wrapping around your corset. The corset would be covered, left to look like it was created by leaves and not fabric.

 Plucking a flower from the vines on your leg, you held it to your hair and let it wrap around the stand, holding the hair back from your face. There, you thought as you looked in the mirror again, you looked much more like the character Tony nicknamed you after.

 “I feel like that’s cheating” Natasha joked, her head tilted, and lips pursed. Her eyes trailed over you, taking in the whole ensemble. “That lipstick does look good on you though; you should wear it more often. Now come on, we’re gonna be late and Wanda needs to meet Vision.”

 Natasha was right and you did enter the party late. Agents, scientists, doctors, social elites and at least one member of the press filled the open space. Tony had elected to throw the party at the compound, on one of the lower floors which had a huge open space.

 While the room was bright, shadows were thrown from the decorations. Fake spiders sat in cotton webs, hanging over banisters and on the edge of the bar. A cauldron bubbled, dry ice emitting white smoke over its rim. Knee-height plastic fencing lined a little path to a small booth where a photography waited to take pictures of guests.

 “Is that a coffin?” you asked, looking to the far side of the room.

“Any Halloween decoration that you can imagine is in this room” Pepper nodded, looking around. “You know what Tony’s like: ‘Go big or go home’.”

“Hence his attitude” Natasha whispered, just loud enough for you to hear.

“Nat” you elbowed her, biting your tongue to hold back your laughter.

“Ivy!” the shouting of your nickname draws your attention to the eccentric millionaire who had just caught sight of you. “And you’re actually her!”

 Tony was thrilled by your outfit, and, in a rare display of affection from him, gave you a tight hug. Of course, he was immensely proud to say that he gave you the idea for the outfit. You smiled and shook your head, not bothering to argue with him.

 His hands traced the leaves curing around your hips, obvious amazement in his face. “How did you get them to do this? It’s amazing, they’re literally wrapped around you. Bruce, Bruce! Have you seen this, look!”

 You had been introduced to the quiet Bruce Banner earlier on that day. Natasha had convinced him to visit the compound and Tony had bribed him to stay with access to his own lab. While rather timid, he was more than comfortable to speak to you about science. While your brain wasn’t that of a scientist, your abilities were a scientific mystery.

 Something about the kind man made you comfortable to answer his questions. He wasn’t invasive like other curious people. Rather than wondering how you got your gifts, he was more curious about what you could do with them and how. Not because he wanted to use you, but because he wasn’t you to have a better understanding of them.

 What shocked you more was why he had this reasoning. You had heard about The Hulk, though you didn’t know much about him. While on the run, you had heard of the green giant with a strength beyond current measure. Finding out that Dr Banner was The Hulk was astounding.

 Rather than wanting to state his own curiosity, he wanted you to understand yourself. When he first became The Hulk, while he knew it happened because of his experimentation with gamma radiation, he didn’t fully understand. It wasn’t until years later and a lot of further research, that he got his answers and he was finally at peace with himself.

 Bruce wanted you to have that peace too.

 “Huh,” Bruce said, poking at the leaves. “I don’t think this is natural behaviour at all, but we’ll have to run some tests.” He picked at a leaf slightly, turning to Tony, “Do you think we could get a few different varieties of bushes and flowers to-”

“Okay, stop, leave the girl alone” Pepper shooed them both away. “This is a party, your party Tony, you can play scientist tomorrow. Now go.”

Smoothing down his lab coat, because of course he came as a scientist, Bruce smiled before taking his leave. “See you later.”

“I can’t believe you just came in a suit” you shook your head at Tony.

“I’m James Bond” he defended, pulling a ‘are you for real?’ face.

“Yes, well, James Bond needs to speak with Mr Mikaelson about fund raising gala next month” Pepper said, hooking her arm through Tony’s and pulling him away.

 The rest of the party goes well, with you receiving many compliments on your outfit. Just like Tony and Bruce, they all seemed amazed at the authenticity of the plants which wrapped around your body.

 A member of the press seemed to be infatuated with your costume, though it was in appreciation of the plants but rather of your body. His eyes had travelled your body, focusing on your thighs, and he fought to keep his mouth from dropping open.

 You had made an attempt to avoid the man and his camera. Your evening was made exceptionally better when you heard his yell from across the room. He had put his camera on the table while he went to grab a drink and when he returned, his camera was broken. You had caught a glimpse of it, and it appeared to have been crushed. You couldn’t say you felt any sympathy for the man.

 It was towards the end of the evening that you ran into the trio you jokingly referred to as ‘The Three Musketeers’. The three of them stood near the bar, each with drinks in their hand as they cast watchful glances around the room.

 Sam had obviously gone for the humorous look. Dressed in a cheap Captain America costume, with the obvious cushioned muscles, he was clearly poking fun at his friend. In his hand was a plastic version of the real shield, part of it bent which was probably from Steve trying to grab it off him earlier in the evening.

 He was the first to see you walking over to them, reaching out and pulling you closer. He gave you a gentle squeeze in greeting before letting you go and waving for the bartender.

 “Y/N” Steve nodded in greeting.

“Hey, Cap” you smiled. “Love the outfit.”

 Steve was dressed as Indiana Jones, having watched the film a few month ago and becoming a huge fan of Harrison Ford. The brown leather jacket was tight across his back and he had the whip wrapped up and attached to his hip. The famous hat sat on the bar beside him, resting next to a glass of what appeared to be whiskey.

 You had to admit, Steve pulled off the character rather well.

 Bucky made up the last member of the little team. His outfit was rather unsurprising. Rather than a traditional outfit, he wore his mission suit. A tight black leather top with matching black trousers, combat boots on his feet. He looked like he did on any other day.

 When you tilted your head to the side and went to open your mouth to comment, he quickly held up his right hand. You quickly grinned when you spotted the mask, your eyes lighting up in amusement.

 “Oh, Bucky, we match!” you grin. “Now we just need to find our Robin, Harley Quinn and The Joker.”

“Hm” he rolls his eyes, letting the Batman mask fall to his side.

“Don’t worry, I won’t try and poison you tonight” you teased with a wink.

Sam snorts into his drink, turning away to hide his smile.

“What made you go with… this?” Bucky asks and your insides burn as his eyes travel over you.

“Wanda suggested it after I couldn’t find anything I liked” you shrugged. “It’s amused Tony and he made me take a few pictures with him. The nickname is definitely staying now.”

 It was true, Tony had found you after slipping past Pepper and had pulled you along to the photobooth. He’d taken great pleasure in telling the photographer that he had nicknamed you ‘Ivy’ and had, essentially, given you the idea for the costume.

 “I still think ‘Petal’ is better” Sam argued.

“I’m sure you do” you acknowledged with a nod. “You never call me by my name anymore.” “What is your name?” he joked; his face mock serious. When you made a playful threatening move towards him, he quickly wagged his finger at you. “Careful Pet, you can’t take me all by yourself.”

“I know for a fact that Bucky has a least one knife-” you begin.

“Three” Bucky interrupts to confirm.

“Three knives” you correct with a small nod in thanks. “hidden on him and would sooner back me up than you.”

“Three knives?! Bucky!” Steve chides, giving his best-friend a disapproving look before turning to you. “How did you know he had them on him?”

“The same way that he knows I’ve got a knife hidden in my corset” you shrug. “It’s what we were taught.”

 There’s no response to that as Steve and Sam are reminded of your time within Hydra. Though you weren’t often comfortable talking about the scientific experience of Hydra, you were not ashamed to admit you had been trained by the organisation itself. You had been tricked, and later forced, into it and it was in the past. You couldn’t hold it over yourself anymore or you’d never be able to move on.

 You had accepted your past and, now, it was time to more forward with your life.

 “And one in your left shoe” Bucky nodded at the heel.

“All right, pipe down” you rolled your eyes.

 Since the night the team had watched It, your interactions with Bucky had steadily increased. Though you could hardly be called best friends, the former assassin now spoke to you. The conversations were neither long nor often but still, everyone made your insides warm from his attention.

 The friendly conversation and teasing callouts were something you wasn’t expecting to develop but you couldn’t deny that you your enjoyed them. From the small remarks he made, you knew that behind his quiet brooding, there was a man with a sparkling personality.

Hydra had just buried it deep within him.

 Every day with the team seemed to slowly chip away at the walls he had been forced to build. His morning runs with Steve and Sam, his time spent with Steve regaining his memories of the forties. His playful fights with Sam, verbal and sometimes physical in the gym. Natasha goading him into a fight to see who the best assassin was while Wanda quietly encouraged him to join in with team activities.

 However, it was Tony who helped in the biggest way. It had taken time, but he had accepted that it was The Winter Solider who had taken his parents. He no longer blamed Bucky, which greatly eased the man’s guilt. He still felt horrible for what he did under Hydra’s influence, but he was slowly learning to forgive himself.

 “You two are unbelievable” Steve shook his head with a small smile.

“Thank you” you grin, playfully bumping your arm into Bucky’s.

“We’re here all weekend” he finished, flashing Steve his own smile.

“Where’d you learn that?” you asked, eyebrow raised at the super solider.

He pursed his lips, shrugging. “The Tonight Show.”

“Don’t tell Tony” Sam advises, glancing around for the billionaire. “It would only set him off and he won’t stop talking about how he’s been on there.”

 You spent another ten minutes with the boys before you left them to find Natasha. The rest of the evening passed fairly quickly, and it wasn’t long until you found yourself tucked up in bed. Your head aching from the wig and your mind overworked from socialisation, you soon drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 You woke up the next morning from a message from Natasha with a link which you soon clicked on. It led you to an article, posted very early that morning, of Tony’s party. Your eyes barely skimmed the article but near the end, you understand why she had sent it to you.

 There, clear for you to see, is a picture of you and Bucky. Your slightly leant against him, with you head barely titled towards him. Your both looking at something off to the side, both of you grinning happily. It takes you a moment to place it but then you realise, its from that moment with Steve.

 You both look happy, carefree. It’s the first time you’ve seen Bucky fully smile, his eyes seeming to sparkle as he looked at his best friend. Though you know he wasn’t entirely comfortable in a room full of strangers, he looks content to be within that group, your group.

 You smile and save the picture, dropping your phone on the bed and getting up for a shower.

  November

 “I can’t drink that; my aunt will kill me!” Peter hissed, pushing the flute away and quickly looking around to ensure no one was watching you both.

“Its fine, Pete, it’s just one glass” you assured him. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“I’m pretty sure the drinking age is twenty-one, Peter” Bucky said, stepping up beside you, arms crossed, and an eyebrow raised.

“I wasn’t going to drink it, Sergeant Barnes, honest” Peter denied, stepping back and waving his hands to show they were empty.

You rolled your eyes, nudging Bucky. “Leave the kid alone. He’s almost eighteen, and I know you drank way before you came of age.” You turned back to Peter. “I promise, Pete, your aunt won’t kill you for one glass. If you don’t want it, that’s fine, but don’t reject it just because your scared of getting in trouble.”

 You knew Peter wouldn’t get in trouble for drinking the one small flute of champagne. Before offering it to him, you had asked Aunt May if he would be allowed to try it. If he tried it in your company, where you could keep an eye on him, he wouldn’t sneak off to try it later and get himself in trouble.

 Tony’s charity gala was going incredibly well. Celebrities, socialites, the press and even a few ‘ordinary’ people. You could even spot two Gods walking around. The gala was being held in a large hall in the middle of Manhattan. Round tables with matt gold table clothes lined a hard wood dance floor in front of a large stage. Crystal chandeliers cast light around the room, with help from a single candle on each table.

 “Are you sure I won’t get in trouble?” Peter asked, eyes wide as he blinked up at you.

“I promise” you assured him.

He took the glass from your hand and starred at it unsurely. He took a deep breath as if to prepare himself before bringing the glass to his lips, taking a sip. His nose scrunched up, head shaking as he pushed it back into your hands. “Ugh, no, that’s nasty.”

You and Bucky laughed at his reaction, and you dropped the near full glass on the empty table behind you. “It’s champagne. People rave about it but it’s not really that good.”

“If it doesn’t taste good, then why do people drink it?” he asks innocently.

Bucky snorts, shaking his head. “They don’t drink it for the taste, kid.”

“Some people do” you correct him. “Some people like it, like Tony, Pepper and Natasha.”

 You were solidly in the ‘I don’t like champagne’ team. Tony had insisted on opening a bottle after your first mission, to celebrate you joining the team, and that had been the first time you had tried the bubbly drink. Your nose had scrunched up at the taste and it led to teasing for hours about your lack of taste in alcohol.

 “I think I’ll just stick with this” Peter said, tilting his glass of Sprite towards you. Something catches his eye over your shoulder and he grins. “MJ’s here!”

“Go get her, tiger” you tease, nudging him in her direction.

“I’ll see you later” he blushes, hurrying in the direction of his girlfriend.

 Your heart warms as you watch them greet each other. Their hands link, squeezing gently, neither of them ones for public displays of affection. They were truly adorable, probably the cutest couple you had come across. MJ was a sweet girl, a dry sense of humour and a sassy personality. She complimented Peter’s soft nature perfectly.

 You were glad she had accepted Peter’s invitation, though you knew she wasn’t a fan of large fancy parties. Everyone was told that they needed a date for the gala, and Peter had worried that MJ wouldn’t accompany him, and Tony would be disappointed that he was failed to acquire a date. You had reassured him, of course, but that worry was still there.

 “I adore them” you sigh happily, watching as they huddle at a corner table to hide and talk, rather than socialise.

“Trust me, everyone knows” Bucky nods. When you turn to his with a raised eyebrow, he continues, “You provide the kid with a bouquet every time you see him, just so he can give them to MJ.”

You shrug, taking a sip of your drink. “She likes the white and blue hydrangeas.”

It was quiet for a moment before Bucky spoke again, “You know the last time she came to the compound, he took her to the sanctuary?” “I’m not surprised, everyone visits at some point” you grin for a moment before turning a little more serious. “I found Richard from HR there the other week. He was picking at some of the daisies… which mysteriously suddenly grew sharp thorns. He’s been permanently banned, and I asked Pepper to send a compound-wide email with instructions of not to touch our flowers.”

 From the corner of your eye, you could see Bucky give a small smile at your use of the word ‘our’. You quickly lifted your glass for another sip of your drink, attempting to hide the blush colouring your cheeks.

 You had been truthful in your words. In your mind, the flowers belonged to both of you. While people visited the sanctuary at their leisure, it had an ‘owner’, so to speak. However, you couldn’t help but feel like the sanctuary belonged to you and Bucky.

 Even though winter had come, you could still find Bucky in the sanctuary at various times throughout the day. He’d be wrapped up in his leather jacket, with a scarf and a pair of gloves on. Sometimes he’d have a thermos between his knees, a book in one hand and a cup of still-steaming coffee in another.

 With the amount of time you both spent in the sanctuary, you had gotten comfortable in each other’s company. You would share the bench and read together. Bucky would bring an extra thermos for you and you would pastila, cherry pirozhki, and plyushka. You sit with your coffees and snacks and enjoy the silence and comfort of the sanctuary.

 Slowly, you began to talk more and more. While before the conversations had been short, they slowly grew longer and more personal. His trust in you grew. You had been with the team for six months, and it had taken time, but he grew to trust you. you had his back during missions, you supported him silently through training with small nods in his direction, you helped his healing by growing sunflowers for him.

 It was during one of your evenings on the bench that he told you about his favouritism of sunflowers. Most of the plants in New York, at the time, were rather drab. Weeds grew from the sidewalk, some a spikey green and sometimes a sickly dandelion. He’d seen bouquets in stories, once someone had even brought one for his sister, but the variety was selected and with the fumes of nineteen-forties New York, they were often on the verge of weltering.

 However, when he had left the city of New York and went for his training with the army, he had seen them for the first time. Stuck in a bus of sweaty men, Bucky had gazed out the window and saw sunflowers for the first time. He’d tried sunflower seeds before, though they weren’t a huge staple in his area. However, he had never seen the flower itself.

 Bucky’s memory of the forties wasn’t the clearest, but this was a memory which he could envision easily. Dozens upon dozens of sunflowers lined the field. They stood tall, the large heads of the flowers pointed to the sun and soaking up its goodness. Unlike flowers in the city, these flowers were vibrant in colour. Bucky was sure he had never seen a flower so beautifully yellow.

 Through the horror of preparing for war, the flowers still stood bright and strong. It installed a sense of hope within him. If those sunflowers could be so full of life during war-time, there had to be hope out there. So, when Bucky shipped off for war, that was one of the things he would hope for. He’d think about returning to his mom, his sisters, Steve, and he would return to see those sunflowers again.

 It wasn’t just Bucky who had opened up. You told him about your childhood in the orphanage, of the children you used to help care for because the Nuns were always too busy. Though they could be kind, they weren’t exactly nurturing individuals. In a way, you couldn’t blame them. They had joined the church to serve God, and while some did choose to attend to the orphanage, a lot of them were assigned there by those of higher authority.

 You told him of little Nina. A beautiful little girl who was half your age. Just as her name said, she was a dreamer. She dreamt of leaving the orphanage, of going to far away lands such as England or France. She loved the sound of France, with the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre museum. While you did your chores and looked after the toddlers of the orphanage, she would tell you of her dreams to travel and explore. She’d been adopted two years before you left the orphanage, by a family in Austria.

 You had also found the courage to tell him about your time in the labs of Hydra. He was the first person you had openly spoke to about it, and he was patient and listened to you. it felt like it had taken you hours to tell him everything, the fear and hatred of the labs making you take breaks to gather your strength. He stayed quiet, a solid rock of support by your side as you finally told someone about what Hydra put you through.

 After opening up about your time with them, he told you about his. Hearing that someone else had been subjected to similar treatment… it brought you a sense of comfort because finally, someone may understand.

 Your interactions with Bucky weren’t limited to the sanctuary either. You sat together during movie nights and bowls of popcorn. He would spar with you in training, telling you to not use your abilities.

 “You never know, you could find yourself without them” he had said.

 You would leave out a plate of freshly made plyushka for him, with a small sunflower as an identifier of who the treats were for.

 When it came to the gala, it seemed natural for you to attend with Bucky. Just like Peter had been required to have a date, so had the members of the Avengers. Steve and Natasha, Wanda and Vision, Tony and Pepper, Sam and his current girlfriend Marianne. Bucky was your friend, someone you enjoyed spending time with.

 Going to the gala together saved you both. Wanda had wanted you to go with Richard from HR, the one who violated your sanctuary, and Sam tried to set Bucky up with Sophie from the third floor. Neither you nor Bucky were interested in the suggested individuals, so going together seemed like a pretty smart idea.

 However, you had not been prepared to see him in his suit. You knew Bucky was attractive, you had checked him out multiple times and had been teased by Natasha about your crush on him. Seeing him in a form-fitting suit, with his hair pulled back in a half-bun… it made your knees weak. You already knew that dark colours suited him, so of course he looked great in the black suit, but you’d also discovered that the pink champagne colour of his tie suited him nicely.

 Bucky’s tie perfectly matched the colour of your dress. Your dress was a beautiful pink champagne colour which complimented your skin beautifully. Spaghetti straps laid delicately over your shoulders, leading to golden vines and leaves which covered your breasts. There was a small gap of fabric between your breasts and waist, leaving smooth skin visible beneath the vines and leaves. The vines extended to the beginning of the floor-length champagne pink tulle skirt, which hugged your waist but then flowed freely to the floor.  

It had taken a long time to find the perfect dress. You had spent the day shopping with Wanda, Natasha and Pepper to find the perfect dress but all the ones you came across just weren’t…. you.

 You had tried on a tight maroon red dress, with a plunging neckline and a slit up the left leg. Natasha had been quick to praise you in it, her eyes wide and her lips stretched in a grin. The next dress you tried on was a strapless forest green, with slight ruffles on the skirt. Wanda had loved it, saying it ‘fits you perfectly’ but you didn’t think it was the one. Pepper had favoured a lilac dress with small flowers which climbed from the hem of the skirt. It was a wonderful dress, probably your favourite out of the three, but still… it didn’t feel right.

 You’d found your dress at the back of the store, hidden behind the colourful gowns that people usually went for. While still elegant, it was slightly more subtle than the other dresses in the store. As soon as you saw it, you knew you had to try it on. It was while you were putting it on that you came across the realisation.

 There was some form of floral design on every one of your outfits.

 The black jeans you had worn that day had small sunflowers stitched into the waist band and along the ankles. Most of your tops had pastel flowers pained on them, or bronze leaves. You had even specially ordered a pair of Converses with sunflowers, orange roses and orange and red bicolour germini.

 You don’t know how you didn’t realise your fashion choice sooner.

 When you had tried the dress on, you had known it was perfect straightway. Even without your hair and make-up done, you felt, as they say, like a million dollars. As soon as you had stepped out of the changing room, the girls had praising you and telling you ‘its like it was made for you’.

 When you had met Bucky at the compound, ready for the drive to the gala venue, he’d quickly complimented you. You noticed how his eyes trailed over your appearance appreciatively, with his mouth slightly dropped open for a moment before he quickly caught himself. Offering you his arm, he had given you and small smile and told you looked beautiful.

 You had thought for sure that you were going to die from the heat filling your cheeks. Your throat had seemed to close up and her heartbeat erratically in your chest from his compliment. You had been hyper aware of his presence by your side, his usual calm and quiet self except when he whispered quietly in your ear about a stuck-up attendee.

 “Mrs Archard thinks Pepper’s choice of band is appalling” Bucky whispers, pointing discreetly to the seventy-year-old woman who stood beside her husband, sipping on her gin and tonic.

“She thinks this is bad?” you head tilted in the band’s direction with a roll of your eyes. “This is classic music, no doubt from her generation.”

“Shh!” he quickly hushed you, turning you both when Mrs Archard looked in your direction. “Oh, hey, look.” He pointed over to the bar, your eyes widening when your eyes land on the person he’s pointing out. “Its that the guy who played Sally? In the plane film?”

“Sully!” you correct him, going on you tip toes to get a better view. “And the film was based on a real event, Bucky, you know that. It’s Tom Hanks, the Tom Hanks, and he’s here!”

“Let’s go meet him” Bucky shrugs, beginning to pull you in the direction of your idol.

You quickly pull on his arms, bringing him to a stop. “No! No way! I can’t meet him, that’s crazy.”

“Y/N, doll, he’s just a man” he said, and you can see the corner of his lips tilt up in amusement.

“No, Bucky, he’s not!” you insist. “He’s Tom Hanks! I can’t meet him, no way.”

When Bucky tried to tug you over to the bar again, you quickly duck away from him and dart to the other side of the room. Since coming to America, and joining the Avengers, your exposure to film and TV had increased. From the countless movie nights with the team, you had discovered your love for Tom Hanks.

 The actor was incredible, and he made you feel content while you were watching him. You had watched all over his work, multiple times, and you respected him immensely. He was your favourite actor, and an idol you looked up to.

 You were, however, much to shy to go and introduce yourself. You were a member of the Avengers, a highly skilled, Hydra changed agent but meeting your favourite actor? You couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You don’t know why the thought of meeting him shook you to the core, maybe because, in your mind, he was so pure and so good, far away from the dangers of your life, that you didn’t want to taint that by introduction yourself.

 Bucky, however, clearly didn’t think you should miss out on the opportunity to meet your idol. When you heard him say your name ten minutes later, you turned to find him standing there with the man himself.

 “Tom, this is-” Bucky began to introduce you with a small smirk.

“Y/N, yes” Mr Hanks interrupted with a nod. “I’m a huge fan, I’ve seen you in action on the news. Absolutely incredible.”

“Oh, erm, wow, erm, that, I-I, wow” you stammered, completely star struck.

“Y/N’s a huge fan of your work, Tom” Bucky informed him.

“Oh, so we have a mutual appreciation of each other” he chucked, gently patting your arm.

“It’s an honour to meet you, Mr Hanks” you finally found your words, your cheeks heating up.

“I could say the same” he assured you with a smile. “Bucky was just talking about you and I just had to get him to introduce us. As I said, I saw the work you’ve done on the news. Your saving of those children in Cambodia… Its honestly inspiring.”

 Your heart was in your throat for the next ten minutes while you spoke with your idol, who actually said that you were his. To know someone you looked up to regarded you with so much respect, it made you appreciate the man even more.

 When a gala photographer asked to take your picture with Bucky and Tom, who had insisted you call him that, you couldn’t stop smiling. And the next day, when Bucky gave you a copy of the framed photograph, it was if the smile would never leave your face.

  December

 Your birthday passed in a blur of happiness and excitement. The day seemed so long, and yet so short. You’d entered the kitchen to a wonderful breakfast, where you, of course, sat between to of your friends and avoided the corners, as per tradition.

 Natasha gently took hold of your ear, tugging it and saying the traditional; “Rasti - ne bud’ laphoy [Grow up – don’t be noodles.]”

 The presents were wonderful. Natasha had brought you a new pair of black heels with, of course, a floral pattern. Wanda and Vision got you a beautiful jumpsuit to match which you couldn’t wait to try on. Steve and Sam had teamed up to buy you a beautiful charm bracelet with a beautiful Avenger’s charm and a charm of St. Basil’s Cathedral. Tony and Pepper got you a complete copy of the collection edition of all of Tom Hank’s work. Bucky had brought you a beautiful silver sunflower charm for your bracelet and, later, gave you a small collection of sharp throwing knives.

 You loved all your gifts, but the throwing knives made you tingle. You had spoken to Bucky weeks ago about them, telling him that you had seen a beautiful collection in a store over the other side of town. And from your limited description of them, he had found them and got them you.

 You couldn’t stop yourself when he gave them to you and had automatically thrown your arms around his shoulders. He had frozen at your abrupt action, seeming shocked. As you moved to pull away, his arms came around your waist. His metal arm was a heavy weight against your back but also incredibly light and gentle as he didn’t want to harm you.

 His manly scent of mint, the outdoors and just pure Bucky filled your nose and made your eyes clench shut. He smelled amazing, it was like your nose was clear for the first time and your first breathe was full of him. It awoke your senses and made you tingle as he took over your mind.

 You could have sworn there was a light pink tint to his cheeks when you pulled away, but you couldn’t be sure.

 It was an incredibly thoughtful gift and you had been quick to cover the blades in toxins which would render a person unconscious. Throughout your training, you had always favoured small blades which include the small throwing knives. They seemed to work best with your abilities.

 Throughout December, you noticed a subtle change in Bucky. Though he tried to seem casual about it, it was obviously to you. You were completely in-tune with everything he did, and when it involved you, you were even more hyper aware.

 Bucky touched you more.

 On movie nights, he would always make sure to sit next to you. Slowly, throughout the film, he’d relax more and more and then, by about half-way through, his arm would be pressed against yours. Sometimes his knee would bump against yours too. When passing by you, he would press his hand gently against the small of your back, his fingers trailing the skin. Rather than asking you to move when he wanted to get to a cupboard above you in the kitchen, his chest nearly pressed flush against your back as he leant to retrieve what he wanted.

 Once, he had even offered you his arm when you were both making your way to the sanctuary together.

 If it was anyone else who did these things, you would think nothing of it. However, it’s Bucky. Bucky had never been touchy-feely with you. Before, he would touch you only when necessary but that had obviously changed. It wasn’t a change which translated to the rest of the team either. He still avoided physical contact with them when he could, bar Steve.

 You didn’t want to let yourself read too much into the implications of his actions. You didn’t want to wonder if he was doing it because he was perhaps interested in you, because that would lead you down a dangerous path. If you allowed yourself to believe that he did, and then it turns out you’re wrong… No, you would just ignore it.

 Your first Christmas with the Avengers didn’t go to plan.

 You noticed the new presence in your room straight away. As soon as the doorknob had turned, you were roused from your sleep and your hand had stealth moved to the knife under your pillow. When the hand touched your shoulder, you quickly rolled over, bring the knife up and towards the persons throat.

 Your wrist was caught in a strong grip and was twisted to the side. It wasn’t enough to make you drop the knife, but it stopped it from hitting the persons throat. You sighed at the person standing in front of you, releasing the tension in your arm as a sign of you posing no more of a threat.

 “If you wanted to get into bed with me, you just had to ask” you teased, pushing yourself to a sitting position.

“Maybe I’ll join you later” Natasha replied. “Get up and suited. There’s been an explosion in Kecskemét.”

“Hungary. What happened?” you asked, getting out of bed and moving to grab your suit from the wardrobe.

“We’re being briefed on the jet” she left the room, most likely to wake the others up.

 You changed quickly, pulling on the tight, dark green body suit. You strapped your gun holster to your left thigh, securing the weapon and then attaching additional ammo to your utility belt. You tightly strapped your throwing knives to your right thigh where you’d be able to grab them quickly. A combat knife was strapped against your right ankle, and you put the comms device in your right ear before leaving for the jet.

 On the twenty-fourth of December, at nine-twenty-eight in the morning, local time, an explosion went off in the town centre of Kecskemét. Fifteen people were killed in the explosion with a further two-hundred and seven injured.

 From there, it was reported that three different groups were making their way throughout the city armed with heavy weaponry. They were executing people indiscriminately. Men, women, children… babies.

 The Avenger’s had been called as soon as the explosion had occurred, with the team on the jet and departing the compound with thirty minutes. The Hungarian army had been deployed to the city, but it was soon clear that they were not equipped to the weaponry that was being used against them.

 On a large screen on the quinjet, Tony played a video from the streets of Kecskemét. While the camera was shaky, the image was clear to make out. Bodies littered the floor; buildings were crumbled, and dust settled over the streets. A group of men stood at the end of the road, one pointing off to the side as he spoke, gesturing around himself.

 Tony froze the footage, zooming in on the weapon in the terrorist’s hands. It was large and bulky, made with thick metal and emitting a glowing blue-purple light. You leaned forward slightly, your eyes narrowing as you took in the sight. You had never seen such a weapon before. Being part of Hydra, you recognised nearly every weapon known to man, and knew how to wield most of them. However, you couldn’t recognise this one.

 “That’s modified Chitauri weaponry” Natasha observed. “How did they get that, I thought we got it all?”

“well, obviously we didn’t” Tony rolled his eyes, shutting off the record.

“I’ve never heard of Chitauri weaponry before” you said, looking between the two of them. “And something with this much power… Hydra would have trained us with it. Where is it from?”

“A few years ago, twenty-twelve, Loki tried to invade Earth” Steve began to explain. You nodded in understanding, remembering the team mentioning it happening but you had never known the names of the aliens which stood with the God of Mischief. “A section of New York was destroyed due to the Chitauri army which aided Loki. We thought we had collected it all but then there was underground trading of the weapons in Queens. Peter stopped that. Obviously, the trading of the weapons expanded world-wide.”

“That was Loki-Loki by the way” Tony injected, raising an eyebrow at you. Out of the whole team, he was the one who objected against your… ‘friendship’ the most with the man. “You know, your little bestie.”

“I never said he was a good man” you defended. “However, he treats me well and I shall treat him with the same respect.”

“Yeah, really?” he asked, both eyebrows raised now, and his arms crossed over his chest. “And when tries to make a move on Earth again?”

“Firstly, we don’t know if he would do that” you argued. “He may be a bad person, but he’s not stupid. Secondly, I would gladly help to stop him. He may be a friend but that doesn’t get him special treatment.”

 The quinjet cut the ten-hour journey to just over four hours, and it wasn’t long until you were landing just outside of Kecskemét. You were quickly split into three teams consisting of Wanda, Natasha and Clint, then Vision, Sam and Tony, and finally you with Steve and Bucky. After a round of ‘Good luck’ nods, everyone left to their assigned area.

 “Y/N, I want you watching out for any civilians. You see any, you get them out. Watch the buildings, make sure none of them come down on us” Steve ordered as your group headed for your designated zone. “Bucky and I’ll take down the assailants.”

“Ah, so you’ve got the easy job” you joke, pushing a stray strand of hair back. “It okay, I get, you’re getting old.”

“Pft,” Bucky snorted, rolling his eyes. “I’m still in my prime, its that punk that’s on his way out. Dinosaur.”

“You’re still older than me” Steve argued.

“Don’t worry boys, I’ll visit you both in your care homes when we get back” you assured them.

 It didn’t take you long to reach the infiltrated area. Burning cars lined the streets, shops broken into with glass littering the street. A handful of people lay on the sidewalk, all on their tummy and went you bent to check for a pulse, there was nothing.

 You were about to turn a corner when you quickly reached out, grabbing the two super soldiers by their arms and pulling them back. You could feel it through the ground. The vibrations hummed into the floor, travelling to you. You could feel the movement of people walking on the ground, sending you clear information of what was around the corner.

 “Seven assailants. Two, far west. Three, east. One, front north. Two, south west” You reported, reading the vibrations of their footsteps. “Nine civilians in the building three ahead of them, east side.”

“Circle round the side, go in from the back” Steve told you.

“Got it” you nodded, turning to go back the way you came.

 As you pass him, Bucky grasps hold of your hand. He holds your hand for a fraction of a second, his eyes meeting yours. There worry in stormy eyes, but he quickly hides it as he gives you a nod, gently squeezing your hand before letting you go. You give him a small before continuing on with your task.

 You run up the road directly besides the one with the assailants. It takes you less than a minute to reach the house which sits behind the building containing the civilians. Bringing your knee up and to your chest, you aim your kick to land directly besides the lock. Within two kicks, the door is down and you’re rushing inside.

 You run to the top of the building, on the far-left side. The room you enter into is small, which boxes piled three-high. The boxes are full, nearly bringing with metal pots, ornaments and clothes. Taking care to move the items to restrict damage to them was not an option, you had to get the civilian out quickly.

 The wooden floor of the room split in half, bowing downwards, and allowing the boxes to fall into the room below. The floor fixed itself within moments, the crack sealing over and leaving no trace of having been there. The wall separating you from the other building began to break. Bricks crumbled outwards, plaster falling with a swoosh of dust as a hole began to form.

 People who had previously been cowering against the wall quickly move away, frightened gasps leaving them as they watched the wall crumble. The terrified voices of a woman filled your ears and you hurried to assure them in their native language.

 “Ne fuss, itt vagyok, hogy seítsek. Az utcán vannak olyan férfiak, akik ártani akarnak neked [Don’t run, I’m here to help. There are men on the streets below who wish to harm you]” You speak, holding your hands up to show you meant no harm. “Kérem. Ki tudok hozni innen. Gyere velem. [Please. I can get you out of here. Come with me.]”

“Hemlock” one of the children say, recognising you. He tugged on his mother’s sleeve, pointing at you again and repeating your code name, the name civilians knew you by.

“Avenger” the woman realises, recognising you after her sons prompting. She turns to hurriedly inform the rest of the party, telling them you were part of the ‘superhero’ group and had come to save them.

 It was still strange to hear someone refer to you as a hero. You had never considered yourself to be heroic, actually, you had often thought yourself to be the opposite. You were a product of experimentation by a terrorist group, who made you into a weapon. You had the power to crumble things to the ground, you could wipe out a city with a single thought.

 Of course, you wouldn’t do that, but you still had the ability to do it.

 In the months that you had been part of the Avengers, you had saved over a dozen lives. Still, you didn’t believe that saving someone made you heroic. Well, that was a hypocritical statement. You considered Steve a hero, Bucky a hero, Natasha, Peter and Wanda too. Tony, Sam, Clint and Vision, they were all heroes. For some reason, that just didn’t translate over to you.

 You waved the civilians through the wall before quickly repairing it. You instruct them to remain quiet before quickly leading them to the street below. Before opening the front door, you pause and take note of the roads between you and safety. The streets between the house and the safety of the Hungarian law enforcement were clear.

 “Kövesse a virágokat, ők a rendõrséghez vezetnek [Follow the flowers, they’ll lead you to the police]” you instruct them.

 You opened the front door and led them out. On the floor, in a straight line, was a of flowers going down the street and around the corner. You had created the path of flowers to guide them to safety, knowing that you couldn’t go with them. You had to go and watch your teams back.

 “Köszönöm [Thank you]” one of the women said, squeezing your hand.

“Megy [Go]” you encouraged, nodding after the others.

 She gave your hand a final squeeze before hurrying after the other.

 You ran to the end of the street, quickly making your way to the road where you knew Steve and Bucky were squaring off against the assailants. Rounding the corner, you see three of them on the ground, with the others attacking the super soldiers.

 An assailant aimed their weapon at Steve, shooting it in rapid succession as he held up his shield to defend himself. You lifted your arm up, pointing at him as you concentrated on the assailant’s feet. Vines quickly wrapped around his right leg and he was pulled off balance. The sudden change in stance loosened his grip on his weapon and stopped him from firing, allowing Steve a moment of reprieve where he could throw his arm out, knocking the man unconscious.

 Your attention turned to Bucky, who was fighting two assailants at once. He grabbed the thrown fist of one in his metal hand, twisting a throwing a kick into the chest of the other man. His flesh hand fisted, knocking the first man backwards.

 It was at that moment you realised something was wrong. There were four assailants on the floor, with Bucky fighting two and Steve moving to remove the seemingly unconscious men’s weapons; knowing that Bucky had his situation under control. That made a total of six, there was one missing.

 Strong vibrations pushed through the floor behind you and you quickly turned to see the final assailant heading for you. He brought his hand, holding a silver combat knife, down towards your chest. You right arm crossed over your body before moving up and to the right, pushing the knife to the side. Your hand flipped over, grabbing his wrist as you crouched and slid under his arm, you leg darting out to swipe at his ankle. As his leg went from under him, you twisted his arm behind his back and pushed him to the ground using his own momentum from falling. You grabbed his dropped knife and stepped off him, allowing the vines to climb over him and hold him down.

 When you stand up, you notice Bucky watching you. His eyes are intense, watching as you push the hair out of your eyes and step away from the man, flipping the knife over in your hand. Walking over to where he stands with Steve, you give him a small smile before focusing on the Capitan.

 “All seven down, civilians are with law enforcement now” you confirm.

“We’ll have to take these weapons back to the states” Steve examines one of the weapons in his hands with distaste.

“We’ll need to take a few members back too” Bucky says. “Need to speak to the others, find out who the top guys are.”

“Mm” Steve agrees before reaching to activate his comms. “I’ll get us a van to transfer these guys.”

 It took a further day to ensure all the terrorists were captured, the team wanting to be certain that all members had been flushed out of hiding and another attack wouldn’t happen after you all left. The younger members of the group squealed quickly, and it was only a matter of hours before you found out who the leaders were and they were flown back to America for questioning, with the rest being taken into custody by Hungarian law enforcement.

 The team stayed in Kecskemét for a further three days to help with aid towards the injured city. While the team’s actions varied, you focused on repairing the damaged structures of the city. Any cracks, holes, or chips were repaired with buildings foundations made stronger. You ensured that every building was to high standards you held, meaning that no one would be getting hurt any time soon.

 By the time you all arrived home, no one felt like celebrating Christmas. You were all tried from the long four days in Europe and just wanted to collapse into bed. Presents were exchanged, but there were no celebrations, just a lazy family dinner of take-out food.

 January

 You had a new nickname to add to your extensive list, Doll. You hadn’t noticed it at first but after the first few times, you realised that was the only nickname that Bucky used for you. He only ever referred to you by your name, or by ‘Doll’, never ‘Ivy’, ‘Petal’, ‘Pet’ or anything else.

 He only used the nickname in private, when no one else was around. Or he would lean beside you and whisper it in your ear.

 “Hey, Doll” he greets when you push through the branchlets of the willow tree.

“Hi, Buck” you return, moving to sit beside him. You accept the cup of coffee, curing your hands around the plastic cup from the thermos. You sipped at the steaming drink, letting it warm you up from the inside. “Thank you. Mm, you added caramel.”

He gave you a small smile and a nod, turning back towards the pond in front of you. “You liked it last time.”

“Oh Buck” you grin, nudging him playfully. “You’re going sweet on me.”

“Don’t know why, you’re a pain in my ass” he teases but you notice his cheeks are tinted pink.

“A pain in your ass?” you laugh, shaking your head. “I grew sunflowers for you, made sure there were plenty of plants for your little bunny friends. I have your back all the time, not just on missions. Remember when Sam and Tony were ganging up on you because of Sophie? I got them to back off. What about when you realised, you’d never tried fajitas? Who cooked them for you? Me. Who saves you plyushka? Me. Oh, and what about-”

“Okay, okay!” he interrupts with a small laugh, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m the pain in the ass.”

“Yeah, you are” you agreed. “You’re lucky that I like you Bucky, or you’d be in trouble.”

 February

 “I’m don’t know about this” Bucky’s voice reaches your ears as you walk towards the kitchen, low and unsure.

“Do you or do you not like her?” Sam asks and it quiet for a moment before he continues. “That tell the woman! We all know she’s sweet on you.”

“She’s pro’lly just being nice” Bucky disagrees.

“Buck… she’s not like that with other people” Steve’s voice joins the mix.

 Your heart stops for a second, who were they on about? Bucky had a crush on someone, who? By the sounds of it, it was someone who was nice to him. Then again, who wasn’t nice to Bucky. He was like a little puppy which the team secretly adored.

 You knew it wasn’t Wanda, she was happily with Vision.

 It could be Natasha. She had always had a close friendship with Bucky, sharing experiences which were eerily similar, and he had even shot her once, which she was completely okay with. It was a strange friendship, you admit, but it was clear that they favoured one another. They had silent conversations with just a shared look and seemed to be completely in sync when on missions.

 It could be Sophie, from the third floor. She was sweet on Bucky; you knew that for sure. She had brought him coffee, invited him to see a movie and made him baked good. You had thought, however, that Bucky wasn’t interested in the girl. Maybe you were wrong, maybe he did like her.

 A part of your mind whispered that it could be you, but you quickly dismissed it. Bucky had never shown any interest towards you that wasn’t platonic.

 “So, what, I just ask her out?” Bucky asks.

“Ooh, who are you asking out, Bucky?” you force a smile onto your face as you walk into the kitchen.

“Well-” Sam begins, his normal shit-eating grin on his face.

“No one” Bucky is quick to interrupt, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

“Oh, come on! Sam and Steve know, why can’t I?” you pouted, reaching for a glass.

“You’re different. You’re not one of the guys or anything, you’re… you” he shrugged.

 Your shoulders deflated at the comment and you realised it was true. You were just Y/N, you weren’t one of ‘them’. You had thought that you and Bucky had gotten closer but obviously that assumption had been wrong. You weren’t close enough for him to talk to you about stuff like that, his words had made it obvious that he didn’t want to talk to you about it just because you were a girl. He didn’t want to talk to you about it because you were Y/N.

 “Oh” you nodded quietly. You filled your glass with water and walked back to the door. “I get it, sorry for asking.”

“Y/N, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean it like that” he rushes to say.

You held up your hand to stop him, giving a smile which probably looked more like a grimace. “Its fine, Barnes, don’t worry. I get it. I’m sorry for asking.”

 You left the room quickly, retreating back to your room and crawling under your duvet. You’d never called him by his surname before. You usually referred to him as Bucky, or Buck, and, when you were feeling particularly playful, sometimes ‘sir’. If your tone didn’t show that he had hurt your feelings, your use of his surname would definitely make him aware.

 It felt like hours later when there was a knock on your bedroom door. With a groan, you pull yourself out of bed and open the door. On the other side, Bucky is standing with his hands in his pockets, slightly hunched and looking as if he was trying to appear smaller. He rolled him lips into his mouth, his voice quiet as he asked if he could come in.

 Closing the door behind him, you returned back to your bed, pulling one of your pillows into your lap as he stood in the middle of your room. He looked around himself, taking note of the loveseat, which was covered with a fluffy blanket, your laptop balanced on the arm. Your wardrobe door was slightly agar and had a scarf hanging over it.

 “I’m sorry for what I said” he apologies again, avoiding looking at you.

“It’s fine, I shouldn’t have been nosey” you shrug.

“No, you don’t understand” he sighs, his metal hand brushing the hair back from his face. “I didn’t want to tell you because… because…”

“Because I’m me, I get it” you assure. “I’m the person you sit and look at flowers with, I’m not the person you talk to about your crushes.”

“No, you’re not” he agrees.

 You nod your head, biting your lip as your eyes stings. Your chest aches, as if a hole had been carved through it. The thing that hurt you wasn’t that Bucky liked someone else, it was that he didn’t consider you a close enough friend to want to tell you.

 You had considered him one of your closest friends. You told him your secrets, told him of your desires to go back to Russia one day and see your home city. Of wanting to visit places you hadn’t gotten a chance to because of you were hiding before. You had told him that you were scared that one day, Hydra would find you again; something you hadn’t even told Wanda or Nat. He knew of your secret love to goad Tony into an argument by speaking in a language he didn’t understand. And he knew so much more than that.

 And yet he didn’t want to tell you this. You knew it was ridiculous to be hurt by something like this, it was small and trivial, but you couldn’t help your feelings. Your feelings were valid though. The person you trusted, didn’t trust you in return. It was, sad to say, a fact which you would have to accept.

 “You’re the person I have a crush on” Bucky finishes, his voice small as he finally looks at you.

 His expression is one of obvious worry. His blue eyes are wide and doe-like, watching you with nerves as you try to come to terms with his confession. He’s rolling his lips into his mouth, waiting for your reaction which he no doubt expected to be negative.

 “You… what?” you ask, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Me? I’m the person who you have a crush on? Why would it be me?”

“Why wouldn’t it be you, doll?” he snorts, giving a small shake of his head. “You’re amazing. You grew my favourite flowers for me, without hardly knowing me. You save my seat on the sofa during every movie night because you know that I like being on the end. You make sure there are toffees in the snack draw for me, and you hide the Starbursts from Tony and Clint for me… You took me to Starbucks and Walmart for the first time, and you helped me hide from the woman in Target. You trimmed my hair when I got too nervous about the hairdresser and you sit with me when I need my arm looked at. You watch out for me on missions and when we get back, you always bake me something to cheer me up…”

 He moves to crouch before you, taking your hand in his. Your heart is beating wildly in your chest, likes its about to break through your rib cage. You couldn’t believe what he was saying. Bucky Barnes had a crush on you. Your heart was souring, your mind floating through the clouds.

 “You’re sweet on me, doll, but I’m just as sweet on you” he tells you. “It’s okay, though, if you don’t feel the same. I don’t expect you too. I know that its pro’lly just you being nice. You’re always nice, nice to everyone… but… I just want you to know, it’s you that I like, and I’ve liked you for a long time.”

 One of your hands left his, moving to cover your mouth as you laughed in disbelief. The tears in your eyes changed from those of hurt to those of pure joy. Bucky liked you, he wanted you. You couldn’t believe it. You hadn’t allowed yourself to believe that this moment could ever happen, it was never a real possibility in your mind. And yet here he was, professing his feelings for you.

 “I do” you assure him, pulling your hand away from your face so that he could see your smile. “I do like you!”

“Really?” his eyes light up, a grin quickly spreading over his face.

“Of course,” you nod, cupping his face. “You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met, Bucky, how could I not? You make me feel things that I never thought were possible. Being around you, I feel happy, I feel free. I can’t even put into words how much you mean to me.”

 By the time you’ve finished speaking, his hands are gently cupping your face, his thumbs softly tracing your cheeks. You could see the slightly tears in his eyes, and his smile is wide and happy. It’s as if he’s just heard everything he has ever wanted to hear, as if you had said the magic words.

 His eyes flicker from your own, down to your lip and then back to your eyes. You give a small nod, barely moving your head but he catches the movement and he leans him.

 When his lips touch yours, your breath leaves your body in a pleasured sigh. While his lips are soft, their a little chapped from where he has bit them due to his nerves. They were gentle against yours, the pressure light as he didn’t want to push you too far.

 You were on top of the world, your heart beating erratically as you leaned into the kiss, your fingers tracing his stubble. You had never thought that kissing Bucky would be like this. It was like a set of fireworks were going off in your chest, and you were more than happy with it.

 “Does this mean I’m your girl?” you ask him, smiling when you’ve pulled back from the kiss.

“My best girl” he confirms, pulling your lips back to his.

 And you went happily.

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