#for real I'm intrigued of how many will even be allowed to stay for the next semester

[belgianjournalists]

Every other time my group does brainstorming about + writing questions about a scenario we get to a point where someone asks something about a word or a method or whatever and I answer them, and they ask "how do you know that??" and every time I can't say much else than "we had a lecture about this yesterday/this morning"

Every single scenario we have is connected to at least one lecture lol I truly don't understand why half of my classmates skip the majority of lectures 😭 it's Free Resources!!

[inchidentally]

I'm so curious to hear what you think about non RPF differences between Lando with Carlos, DR and Oscar. I don't do a lot of RPF shipping personally but your takes on all of them are so intriguing and feel pretty truthful. I feel like fandom ignores that it hasn't all been smooth sailing with Lando and his teammates and want to know what you think about the less rose-tinted side of that?

okay so jsyk I always end up a little rose-tinted even when talking about non-RPF Lando relationships but I like to hope I stay truthful in terms of not inventing any kind of sexual/dating/etc narrative that just doesn't exist. and I'm afraid I'm about to go insane in my response so hopefully you don't mind that either lol.

also @twinkodium is so much better at timelines than I am so pls can you add your part to this if you get a chance??

so just to establish which I think we all know: Lando has a tendency to take his warm heart out of his chest and hold it up to anyone who seems even remotely kind or friendly. yes, he's got a bite to him and a temper but honestly that's all also part of being far too open to people. if a person - especially other men and boys - show him even a hint of affection or camaraderie then he's all in immediately. especially as the youngest driver on the grid for so many years.

truly, I think Carlos and Daniel didn't know what to do when Lando put his little beating heart into their big, clumsy hands. the fact that the level of openness and devotion they got - immediately - from Lando was so much down to Lando's insecurity in F1 and how much he was dealing with mentally, was way too much for two guys who honestly only expect to have a laugh sometimes with their teammate. maybe be chummy enough to hang out sometimes and make media responsibilities less tedious.

and Lando was so happy to be the adoring satellite, shrieking with laughter over all their jokes in exchange for him latching securely onto an established F1 personality. but Carlos and Daniel were running the show while they were his teammates - they were the entertainment and Lando was sort of a conduit for the adoring fans. and what's interesting is I think that we can pretty visibly see the turn with each of them where Lando came thudding down to that realization himself. that he would have to change his own ideas about friendship with both of them in order to remain friends at all. there's the infamous 2020 carlando "breakup" gifset (here) where Lando's face just sours at Carlos in his traitorous blood red suit making some offhand comment

and Lando cuts such a wide berth from him that it puts two whole people between them. by the time Lando reaches the reporters waiting at the media pen, his face looks gray and set

and it's like damn, we straight up witnessed Lando standing up for himself and setting up some boundaries with Carlos.

the moments with Daniel were more scattered but you could see them when Daniel was doing his usual attempts at the bromance thing and sometimes Lando was just. not. having it. there's the moment in particular of Daniel coming up behind him and hooking his chin over Lando's shoulder and oh. you can feel the coolness coming off Lando bc he's genuinely going through something and needs a friend, not another performance for the cameras.

ohhhh and the response of "no one" when asked who his best friend was on the grid was before casting around a bit and finally saying Carlos. parallel that to his irritated dismissal of the journalist pushing for carlando in Vegas and reminding them that none of these guys are his real friends they're his F1 buddies and he "hates them" when racing them. by the time 2023 rolled around Lando grew up, set up boundaries and will only give what he chooses to his friendships with Carlos and Daniel. which is overall so much healthier and has probably ensured that those friendship didn't die out completely. but they're not what they once were for him. Carlos and Daniel are allowed to visit the garden of Eden that is being fully intimate with Lando - but the gates always shut behind them when it’s time to leave.

genuinely I don't blame Carlos or even Daniel (even if I don't like a lot about him) bc literally neither of them has ever had a friend like Lando - and probably don't know any guy like him. and they're both such Typical Dudes - as well as being fully a different generation to Lando - so how were they supposed to know a sensitive, naive kid like this would be in F1 let alone their teammate? guys they know never butterfly themselves open to other guys except for extremely long term friendships - if even then. Lando above all wants to have a good heart and he just trusts people, and while it makes men absolutely crazy about him it's surely got to get him hurt a lot. you can even see it with his media pen work where he reacts to difficult questions or fairly open hostility with a wide disarming smile because he'd rather bring someone round than openly fight with them. even Daniel who definitely utilizes his smile to dominate and disarm can still easily be baited into hostility compared to Lando. but when someone persists in being a twat to Lando, he just closes off with that cold, sour look and bam. that moron just lost themselves any access to the garden of Eden.

and I'm not saying we know enough about Oscar to say that Lando's heart is definitely safe with him, but the absolutely huge difference is that Oscar came into being his teammate fully aware of who Lando is and he was willing to hold back and be content just being a teammate and let a friendship develop if Lando felt so inclined. *hint: this sign of respect and deference will be significant!

like we saw how they fell into this twinning thing at first where Oscar would mirror Lando a lot of the time - out of nerves but also deference. then as the season went on and the car still struggled, they developed sort of a tentative camaraderie born out of equally blighted hopes.

but what's really interesting is how much Silverstone was truly the turning point and not even in a fandom goggles sense. I isolated the following moments out in a video below: there's this hilarious little moment right before the fan stage where Oscar is asking Lando something like 'what's that (playing)?' and Lando seems to think Oscar is referring to the (very obvious) crowd noise and Oscar goes "no not them you idiot the song!" and it goes back and forth wayyy too long for the brain cells I would like to assume they have before they finally work out between them what song is playing.

and Lando had by the time of the fan stage momentarily set aside his own euphoria and positively showered Oscar with praise at press briefing after the race. he also repeated it at the fan stage in front of Oscar for good measure! and clearly loves it when Oscar says how he was rooting for Lando leading the race at one point.

then, like something out of a movie, as they're posing for the photo in front of the crowd, Oscar slips that arm around Lando's waist and urges him closer and you can see the whole of every thought on Lando's face. the look of surprise as Oscar's strong arm jostles his body a little, the blossoming delight, the 'woah is he really initiating this? he never does this!', and finally the big beaming smile as he wraps his arm around Oscar and settles in.

and just a few races later when Lando has another podium under his belt and has qualified 2nd at the Dutch GP, there's this other movie moment where it suddenly clicks for Lando… Oscar will always show up for him no matter what. not just when they're both doing well or both struggling, he'll always show up for Lando. out loud and where everyone can see but without a hint of performance to it.

and when you scroll through @piastrisms wonderful post-race gif compilations, you can see that dynamic shift even more to the suddenly much more tentative but openly kind of 'crushing' on each other. Oscar starts to let himself think that maybe, just maybe! the Lando of his 8-year social media obsession really likes Oscar for who he is and not just as a team obligation! this leads to him taking a few more risks during the McLaren challenges and by the time they film the beloved Austin material, Oscar has actually started to surprise Lando. from there on you can see Oscar's relief at making Lando really laugh and smile build his confidence right at the exact same time that Lando looks thrown off center and his boundaries start falling away. that mirroring they used to do started to build into trusting each other, which then led to them genuinely liking each other, and then mutually wanting to stay together as teammates. and isn't that level of security something new for Lando!

and you know what I noticed in all this that has me frothing and biting? that instead of Lando handing his beating heart over to his teammates and having it bruised and withdrawn? with Oscar, it's been the exact opposite. Lando had finally decided to be cautious from the start and keep this new anomaly teammate at arm's length - and for a while felt relieved bc the anomaly turned out to be so damn competent and quick! *oh and the anomaly was showing a level of respect and deference that Lando was not at all used to, which was so very nice but also ?? was the anomaly a little bit cold toward him ?? but then Silverstone happened and dawn broke. we finished the season out with Lando actually looking to Oscar for affirmations and wriggling excitedly and looking at Oscar with that wide-open expression on his face and Lando clearly beginning to wonder if maybe his sacred heart might fit comfortably in Oscar's hands that are smaller and gentler than the other men he's known on the grid? maybe how much more steady and careful and devoted Oscar is when it comes to his racing is reflected in how he has treated Lando, so unlike the usual "Lando effect" bromances that get all the attention and that the cameras and fans eat up. maybe the big, traditional handsome alphas and their big displays of affection are one kind of friend for Lando but perhaps not so good as a teammate. and maybe a friendship that grows too steadily and quietly for networks and social media teams to take much of an interest is another kind of friend, and maybe just the right kind of teammate.

[eletricheart]

Right Where You Left Me

(Katherine Pierce x fem!reader)

*image creds to owner

Word count: 730 (ish)

ps: I thought of a friendship that could have been something more but didn't have the chance.

ps2: in doubt if i finish this like this or make a part2

ps3: song is at the end

ps4: not proofread, im so sorry for any mistakes

----------------------------------------------------

1764

You were hosting the new year ball with your husband when you met Katherine. You knew how to behave during social gatherings such as this, you were trained to be a proper Lady ever since you learned how to walk. Everyone you knew or met were the same, the talks were always gossip or complimentary exchanges.

It's no wonder why you were intrigued by Katherine. A clearly foreign woman, who not only politely refused to dance with the men but also stared at you the entire night. At first you believed there was something in your face, however as the vampire continued to follow you thought she simply wanted to greet one of the hosts.

Katherine didn't truly enjoy balls but the drinks were always so tasteful, sometimes she'd even try the ones they were serving. She wanted to kill you, to know what your blood would taste like. And, well, you willingly went after her, after all you wouldn't be a disgraceful host.

The vampire asked for a tour, to which you gladly complied. She only noticed that an hour had gone by when the firework show began, and for the first time she considered not murdering you.

You both became friends in the new year and stayed that way for many more to come. You were inseparable, Katherine protected you as if her life depended on it, rarely allowing to lose sight of you.

It was in 1770 that you died through the hands of vampire hunters, Katherine killed them all.

Your turning wasn't painless, but she was there, every step of the way.

1850

Your relationship changed after your death. You finally accepted to move to the countryside with Katherine, leaving your husband and wealth behind.

It was hard for a while, however you quickly became interested in nature, studying and analyzing every movement or change the world could show you. Katherine would often play about how well you would get along with some witches, maybe even being one secretly. You would always laugh it off.

Life was stable. Just you and her.

Good things never last for long, and soon enough you both went to the New World to escape Klaus.

1864

You deeply hated the Salvatores. Every time they went after Katherine you would picture their slow and painful death. The other vampire knew that and made sure to flaunt her relationship with them when you were around.

It was a game to her, she didn't exactly like them, she liked the effect they had on you. For so long Katherine didn't understand her feelings for you, and as much as she may know now, she didn't want to be the one to admit it. Therefore, the woman played a game, how long could you handle the jealousy that was so explicit in your face.

Katherine never realized how far deep she was until it was too late. Her games became too real, she actively enjoyed toying with them, she adored how devoted they were, even if manipulated sometimes. It was too easy for her to lose herself. It needed to be over.

Unfortunately, it never truly came to an end. The abrupt vampire hunt was frightening, you desperately wanted to leave but Katherine couldn't let go.

You looked at her in a mix of confusion and sadness. "What do you mean 'no'?"

The vampire shrugged. "They'll never find us, besides I'm almost done with the boys."

You huffed. "Seriously? You would rather risk our safety for some disgusting man thing?"

Katherine chuckled and lifted her arms in mocked surrender. "Wow, didn't know you hated men so much. Wonder what your ex husband would've thought."

You rolled your eyes and straightened your hair. "I may just despise them. Can we go now? You can find another."

Katherine shook her head which caused you to sigh in exasperation.

"What are you even doing to them that is so special anyway?"

You gasped, feeling an overwhelming rush of emotions but mainly focusing on anger. "You just met them." You stated between clenched teeth.

The other vampire saw this as an opportunity, you were clearly stressed and if she pressed just the right buttons the game would be over, you would be hers. "Maybe I'l turn them."

"Yes but they are so much fun."

You shook your head. "Is that why you turned me? For fun?"

Katherine was startled for a moment, staring at you with furrowed brows. "Of course not."

"I'll wait until tonight, then I'll go."

"I can't just let it go."

"Then choose."

You waited, even longer than planned, you still waited.

She never came.

----------------------------------------------------

masterlist

[frommybookbook]

The Grass is Greener (1960)

I watched The Grass is Greener (1960) over the weekend and I can't stop thinking about it.

For starters, I watched it purely for the cast. I didn't even bother to read the description, I saw Robert Mitchum and Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr and Jean Simmons and I was in. In hindsight, I'm actually really glad I didn't read the plot ahead of time, going it without an agenda was perfect for this one. And for that reason, I'm going to put the rest of this under the cut because I'm going to completely spoil the plot.

The general plot of the movie is: Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr are a married, titled British couple who have begun allowing tours of their family estate to keep the lights on; Robert Mitchum is an American oil millionaire who gets nosy on the regular tour and decides to barge into the family's private quarters, where he meets Kerr. Over the course of about 10 minutes, they get to chatting, he's very flirty, and they share a pretty passionate kiss. Grant then arrives and the afternoon is over...until Kerr decides to go to London to "get her hair done" and ends up staying for a week having an affair with Mitchum. Simmons plays Kerr's best friend, whom she stays with in London and who decamps to the family home to see how Grant is holding up.

That last part is important: everyone in this movie knows exactly what's happening with Mitchum and Kerr from the very beginning. Grant can see the moment he walks into the room that this stranger is into his wife and that his wife is intrigued. Simmons knows that Kerr isn't spending any time at her apartment, she's spending it with Mitchum.

Everything comes to a head when Grant, in a display of passive aggression that would make generations of Midwestern church ladies proud, calls Mitchum and invites him to come back out to the house for the weekend. Oh, and while he's at it, would he mind giving his wife a ride home, she's been in London all week too, you see.

From there we have the world's most awkward dinner party, a legitimate duel at midnight in the estate's long hallway, and a genuinely keeps-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat questioning of who Deborah Kerr is going to choose.

And it's this denouement that makes this such a wonderful movie and has it rattling around in my brain days later. Weirdly, and wonderfully, no one in this movie is treated as a villain! This is a story about love and adultery and passion and complacency and everyone just gets to be human.

It would be so easy for Deborah Kerr's character to be treated as a harlot and a whore and a loose woman for seeking out an affair with another man. It would be so easy for Robert Mitchum's character to be simply made a homewrecker and an aggressive American jackass and a playboy for showing clear interest and affection for a married woman. Cary Grant's character could have so easily been made out to be the cold, distant, unloving husband who drove his wife away. And yet none of that happens.

All of these characters are treated sympathetically and respectfully. I spent the whole time rooting for all of them and feeling conflicted every way about who I wanted Kerr to choose. It felt real and honest and like something that wouldn't be told in 2024.

Plus it was absolutely hilarious. Because as poignant as this was, it was also so damn funny. Cary Grant still had so many opportunities to break out the slapstick and prat falls and quippy one liners. Deborah Kerr and Robert Mitchum got to trade dry repartee, and don't get me started on Jean Simmons. Jean Simmons absolutely stole the show as the somewhat flighty, airheaded, divorced best friend and I couldn't stop laughing every time she was on the screen. I'd never seen her do comedy before and it was just incredible.

So, yeah, go watch The Grass is Greener.

[autistic-crypt1d]

The Runner

S2 E3 of Stargate Atlantis

I'm writing this after being awake for like 20 something hours on 3 hours sleep so forgive me if it makes no sense, BUT

This episode is so intriguing for so many reasons. I love it because it introduces one of my absolute favorite characters, Ronon Dex, but that's not the only thing that gets introduced. Throughout season one we've been shown plenty of examples of wraith based horrors, but this is different. We already know that Wraith evolved for the enzyme they release to allow their victims to survive longer during the feeding process. We also know that they enjoy this greatly, but in this episode we see just how bored they can get and what they do to solve that. The entire reason for runners existing is for the wraith to play with their food more, the thrill of the chase. We know for a fact they don't have to work very hard to get their meals, just send a few darts. Might as well be fish in a barrel and yet they still waste endless amounts of time, manpower, and wraith lives chasing these runners they create. They do this knowing they can be killed, all of the wraith that have pursued Ronon have been (for 7 years) and they do this anyway presumably for fun. Like, imagine getting bored with going on walks in your neighborhood and solve it by taking a walk through a minefield to mix it up.

On a non wraith related note, I love that Ford is present and a part of the plot that brings Ronon to the team. The fact that Ronon promises to get Ford back if they get the tracker out of him and boy howdy does he keep his word. Immediately after waking up from having the tracker removed from his spine, he takes off and body slams Ford. Keep in mind Ford is hopped up on wraith cocaine right now and insanely strong, taking 3 bullets like it's nothing strong, and Ronan holds his own. Not only does he hold his own but I am 100% confident that even in Sheppard hadn't shown up, he would've whooped Ford's ass.

I also love how Teyla and Ronon immediately begin to bond in the cave while waiting for John and Carson, and it only grows throughout the show. This is the first time probably since the village he stayed the night at, that he's had a real conversation with someone. He's immediately curious about what she knows of other runners, they're interrupted, but I can't help wondering what he hoped she would tell him. That they made it out? I also wonder about the stories behind the armour he's wearing when we first meet him, in the flashback to his release from the wraith we see he's wearing something of their design.

[rodolfoparras]

Allow me to be robbed of that spark and stay in the dark, (I jest). I don't believe my taste in literature is fancy or anything, but I can see what you mean. 'Goodnight moon' by Margaret Wise Brown & illustrations by Clement Herd is a good one as well, (even if it's a children's book).

It does make sense that Dazai would seem misogynistic (writing wise, I'm not sure how he was a person), especially since in those times it was quite common, though that doesn't justify it or anything.

I agree in that sentiment, sadly the use of delicate subjects, such as c/sa even r*pe, has moreso been glorified in this time of age. I have yet to dive into any particular romantic novels, since some have quite..interesting covers, perse. Phycological ones however, are very intriguing, they provide a different outlook for the many views on life and other subjects. Sir Alec, is there a specific book you are fond of?

Likewise, even if some information may be useless at the time, who's to say it still will be in the near future? The carbon dioxide in the soda isn't disturbed so it doesn't air out, which normally causes the fizzing and flat flavor it leaves behind. I didn't know about the grass bit though, perhaps it has something to do with certain plant components mixing with the oxygen presumably makes that freshly cut grass smell linger in the air (just a guess though).

-Гора (I hope your anxieties have cooled down by now, take it easy Sir Alec.)

Oh I have not read that one but I can assure that some of the best literature I’ve read was meant for kids especially those that depict fantasy and detective themes!

Oh I love a man who can take a little criticism with grace! I’m not sure how he was as a person either but I’ve read/ heard some jarring snippets of his stories 😭

Oh I have to agree with you on that!! I have a distaste for romance novels who put real people on the covers 😭 also for book recs a really good one is the silent patient I enjoy it solely for the plot the writing as in grammar and such could’ve been better for such a highly praised book but the plot is neat!!

Sugar wym you’re not smart look at you describing the science behind my silly facts I am throughly impressed sir 🧎🏻‍♂️

And thank you sugar bee I’m feeling ok atm and I hope it stays that way for the rest of the day 🙏🏼

[interdimensionalhellscapeportal]

Interesting point, agreed- I liked Jecki & Yord because I wanted to see more of them, because they both showed hints of impending character development or backstory. Before this episode, I was wondering if Jecki would eventually learn the nuances of attachment as Sol related them to her, or if Sol's attachment to Osha (and whatever Horrors lay in that backstory lol) would lead her to ultimately reject his views. I wanted to know what Yord was like with his Padawan, if he would mature as a Knight over the course of very real trials he hadn't faced before and become self-assured. To be honest, both of them had more interesting points of character development than Osha herself has been given- I'm still not sure why Osha is where she is, why she left the Jedi (she was grieving or she was angry? It isn't well defined and I wish they'd given that some time before now- there are hints but not enough to paint a picture of who she was as a Padawan vs who she is now- and that's going to cheapen her development when she learns whatever it is Sol did to take her with him...)

And tbh while I am interested in seeing more of Darf Teefs, I think it was a cheap shot to have him expose himself to the Jedi and then kill them all. It seems like no Jedi who encounters him, a self proclaimed maybe-Sith? can survive, since the Sith didn't reveal themselves until TPM... But wouldn't it have been MORE interesting if he revealed his identity to Mae and Mae alone, cornering her in Kelnacca's house and frightening her into silence and compliance just before turning and putting back on his Qimir mask for the Jedi? Would Mae be able to speak up and betray her Master, knowing his eyes were on her the entire time- KNOWING he could kill EVERYONE around them?

I was expecting that kind of intrigue from the Acolyte, honestly, and I'm very disappointed that it isn't being used- the intrigue where we, the audience, and maybe one character *know* the Sith is RIGHT THERE, and the Jedi can't see him. I wanted to see the Sith use subtlety, secrecy, all the things that kept them hidden from the Jedi, and I wanted to see it happen quite literally under their noses- it would have created such tension and it could have been drawn out for so much longer (will they sense him? Discover him?? Will he slip up and reveal himself, will Mae find the strength to betray him- will he even give her the chance?) and even ended with a murder after several episodes of tension building: Qimir is left behind with a single Jedi guard, and when the group returns, the scene is so bloody and destructive that they assume both the Jedi & Qimir were killed...

The Sith stayed hidden for how many centuries? I want to see how, and I'm disappointed that the Acolyte isn't digging into the mysteries and tension it could have. I'm also deeply disappointed that the characters they've killed weren't allowed to progress, especially since they were depicted as needing to grow and change and become more sure of themselves or more confident in what they believed. Darf Teefs is great- I just wish they'd let him play the two faced liar far longer than they did, and Qimir's reveal was given the gravitas and suspense it could have had.

I genuinely didn't think The Acolyte would kill Jecki or Yord, not at just barely past the halfway point, and I had to stop and think about why I felt so disappointed by it. It's not really about the deaths of characters I enjoyed--though, I definitely said, "Welp. There goes about 60% of the reason I cared about this show at all." in the most exhausted voice you can imagine--because I can respect a show's decision to kill off a character, especially in a High Republic show, but I still had to wonder about what the point of them even was. What was the point of including Jecki and Yord in the show? I kept thinking about the comments their actors made about their characterization and it all felt so misaligned from what's actually on the screen, there's cute banter and fun moments of care and some badass fights, but neither character really went through anything, there was no character growth because they didn't have time for it. There was just no character arc there at all. So were they only there to be cute and die for the show to tell us that Darf Teefs was Real Bad News? Maybe if I'd had more time with them, more than just four and a half episodes, it might feel like there was a point to them being in the story, beyond just there to die, but right now it really feels like that's all they were there for. And if the show doesn't really care about giving them any kind of real story, it's a lot harder for me to be invested in any of this, either. Maybe I'll come around on it, but my initial reaction is very much feeling like I just got a whole lot of my emotional investment in the show handed right back to me.

[theghostpinesmusic]

Wahtum Lake Loop (1/3)

I hiked the Wahtum Lake Loop in mid-June, but it had been on my to-do list for years.

It's a fact of weather and topography that, even in these years of apocalyptic wildfires, many of the trailheads, and passes, and certainly mountain peaks that I love to visit most or aspire to visit for the first time stay snowbound until at least July, and sometimes even into August. My summer break typically runs from mid-June until mid-September, which means that unless Lindsey and I have other plans, a lot of late June and early July is spent scrambling around, reading snow depth reports and AllTrails reviews, hoping to find somewhere that's melted out enough to make for a not-too-difficult backpacking trip.

Needless to say, good routes below 5,000 feet or so are appreciated. They are also, along the crest of the Cascades, pretty rare.

Now, I love the Columbia Gorge and its environs, but most of the well-known hikes along the Gorge are day hikes, either because they're just short(ish) hikes or because backcountry camping is not allowed (or both). One exception to this, though, is the Wahtum Lake Loop. I came across a description of it for the first time five years or so ago and was intrigued: it seemed to combine a bunch of the Gorge's most popular "touristy" waterfalls with some legitimately tough climbing on some uniquely beautiful trail. I made a note of it as a possible two-night, three-day option, and then promptly...didn't do it for five years? Lots of other stuff happened in the intervening late Junes and early Julys, I guess, including other hikes I was more excited about and non-hiking stuff that was also more important.

But then this summer, I was in the process of winding up my sabbatical, and we had plans with family starting in early July, so I had the ability to and a hankering for early-season backpacking. So, in early June, when I'd normally be administering exams and grading final papers, I drove up to the Gorge to do this Loop. And it was great! I was absolutely recommend it as a good beginner backpacking route. Logistically, it might be a bit more of a pain in the butt and/or more crowded later in the season or over a weekend, but in June during the week it wasn't very crowded at all beyond Tunnel Falls (I'll get to that) and parking, permitting, camping, etc. were all super-straightforward.

I started from the Eagle Creek Trailhead, right off of I-84, and there was plenty of room in the main lot after my five-hour drive up from Klamath Falls, despite all the warnings online about limited parking. I did have to walk a half-mile or so from the car to get to the actual trail, but this paved portion of the "trail" ran alongside Eagle Creek, and it was a beautiful day, so no complaints there.

Shortly after getting onto the trail proper, I started climbing, and cliffy nature of the route became pretty clear pretty suddenly.

This was my one real concern with the trail: I'd read that there were some very exposed sections, and I have what I would describe as a moderate fear of heights. Not quite knowing what was coming, I was a little worried that there might be a point where I'd have to just stop and turn around due to my fear of falling. That didn't end up happening, but of course I didn't know how things would work out at the time. Regardless, these first few exposed sections (including a two that were helpfully lined with metal cables for balance) weren't anything I couldn't handle and provided more views than anxiety.

Before too long, I passed Wauna Falls, visible at a distance across Eagle Creek. Then Metlako Falls, and then shortly after the famous Punchbowl Falls. These were all...neat, I guess? If I'm being an annoying Yelp reviewer here for a second, I've hiked the Trail Of Ten Falls with Lindsey and a friend of ours, and none of the falls you pass early on when on the Eagle Creek Trail compare in terms of the views you're able to get (at least without falling off the cliffs and into the Creek a hundred feet below). Plus, even on a not-busy afternoon, the trail up to this point was choked full of dayhikers headed to and back from Punchbowl Falls, which wouldn't have been a problem on a normal trail, but on this trail, where there often isn't room for two people to stand shoulder-to-shoulder without someone falling off a cliff...let's just say it was difficult to pass and leave it at that.

Plus, I was the only backpacker on the trail and tons of the dayhikers did that thing where they acted like I was some crazy backwoods maniac because I was carrying a big backpack, which kind of took me out of the experience.

Regardless, as is often the case, the further into the woods I got, the thinner the crowds got.

And the thinner the woods got, as it turned out. Most of the valley had burnt in the massive 2017 Eagle Creek Fire, and that was clear immediately even if much of the understory has grown back in the past seven years.

Before long, I reached the High Bridge, the sort of structure that seems named specifically to trigger people with a fear of heights. But as it turned out, it wasn't too bad to cross and was in fact really picturesque, spanning the valley. Apparently (as I learned after), this bridge burnt in the fire and its replacement was constructed elsewhere and dropped into the valley by a helicopter. Which is pretty rad.

Shortly after the High Bridge, about five miles from the trailhead, I'd reached the point along the trail that backcountry camping becomes legal. I had designs on making the best of the daylight and covering much more distance before stopping for the night, but I scoped out both Tenas Camp and Wy'East Camp as I passed them. Tenas seemed to have been more or less destroyed/returned-to-nature by the fire, though Wy'East boasted a few nice spots across the trail from the Creek. I kept going past them, though, enjoying the occasional layer of columnar basalt that appeared down in the canyon.

Eventually, I reached Tunnel Falls, and it was legitimately one of the cooler things I've seen. It has a reputation as a tourist-y spectacle, but honestly it's a bit of a haul to get out to it (I think I was at something like seven or eight miles, one-way, for the day at that point) and while there were a few people standing around and gawking, it wasn't nearly as crowded or as hard to navigate as the Punchbowl Falls area had been. And, honestly, I was also standing around and gawking.

It's called Tunnel Falls because you pass behind it through a tunnel, you see.

Get it?

Then you come out on the other side, and you're like "Whoa!"

So I was like "Whoa!"

In the distance of the emerging-from-behind-the-falls photo, you can get a view of one of the more exposed sections of the entire trail.

I didn't really feel super unsafe here, even with the rocks being wet and slippery from the waterfall's spray (the cables helped), but to be clear, you would not want to fall at this point.

At least if you did, I guess you wouldn't have long to regret it.

Things didn't get particularly less narrow from Tunnel Falls on through the next mile or so. I think I read somewhere that this is referred to as "The Mile Of Vertigo" or something similarly not-catchy. It's a legitimately accurate name. Though, again, I have a fairly hefty fear of heights and I felt safe the entire time, even if there were parts that I traversed much more slowly than others.

Apparently most dayhikers turn back after Tunnel Falls, but Twister Falls (or Horsetail Falls) is a very short distance beyond Tunnel Falls, and it's totally worth making the extra distance to see it and the resulting canyon that it flows through.

Of course, I saw it inevitably since I was hiking through. I'll throw in a picture when I write my hiking-back-out post (despite my affinity for loops, this route is more lollypop and less actual loop, so I got to see all of these waterfalls again on the way back to the car).

Shortly after Twister Falls was Seven And A Half Mile Camp. Despite the mouthful of a name, it's actually sort of a misnomer, at least according to my Strava app, which reported that it took me more like eight and a half miles to get there.

Multiple trip reports that I read online reported that this camp is the spot to camp on the loop if you can, and I can now add my voice to that chorus. This area features one cluster of spots that is amazing, including one small spot on a bench that's right alongside the creek. If you hike on past this initial cluster, there are a number of use trails leading to spots further off in the trees and brush (though also less close to the creek). I took the low-bench spot because there was nobody else around on a June Wednesday and it was awesome. I luxuriated in spreading all of my gear out to cover much of the rest of the cluster.

By this time, even this long June day was nearing an end and it was getting cold, so I didn't spend too much time enjoying my space. I cooked and ate, made sure everything was in its right place for the night, and then climbed into the tent before I got too cold.

The coziness of the spot combined with the white-noise roar of the creek, and I was asleep within a few minutes.

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

There's a lot of intentional phrasing I've included in Gibbous/Crescent that if I ever get to the reveal, I hope is pleasing to readers who might had a passing inkling or even makes it a satisfying reread. I'm a firm believer that a plot twist works best when it makes sense narratively while also being rewarding to keen-eyed readers.

I think I've expressed this before, but I love playing with "negative space" concerning characterization/relationships in my writing, especially within the last few chapters of Gibbous. Some character details are best left implied/absent to create intrigue & plot threads that can be later elaborated upon or serve as "noodle incidents" that make the world seem richer.

I think novice writers feel the pressure to do character exposition at every possible opportunity but real life people are complicated and messy. They don't always understand their emotions and sometimes make vague references that only their conversation partner would understand. I love writing Logan and Patton in Gibbous for these reasons.

Here's an example of what I mean:

“Logan, this isn’t right.” Patton said. Logan flinched at those words. It didn’t matter how many years had passed—whenever Patton chastised him, it caused Logan to feel much like a child being reprimanded by a parent. But Logan was not a child, even if Patton seemed to forget this fact at times. Logan pulled his face away from his hands to stare Patton directly in the eye. “What do you mean, ‘this isn’t right?’ What did you expect to come from this situation? Regardless, isn’t Virgil staying with us what you originally wanted?” “Not like this and you know that!” Patton burst out, “I wanted him to have a choice—packs are based on choice, Logan.” “You should have never brought him here if you didn’t want this,” Logan snapped, “we cannot trust that he will not expose us.” “He promised he wouldn’t!” “He said that while he was under duress, Patton! He would have said anything if it meant we’d let him free!” “You don’t know that for sure!” “Yes I do! Not everyone is as good as you think they are!” Logan’s voice shook. Deep breaths, he needed to keep taking deep breaths. He was allowing himself to get too consumed by his emotions. “Patton,” He began in a quieter tone, “In the event that he would expose us—the times are different, Patton, you know this. This is not the seventies, we can’t up and move across the country as easily to escape a problem like this. I made the necessary decision to best mitigate the danger you brought to the pack.” “He is not a danger, Logan. He is just hurt, sick and scared. Doesn’t that remind you of anyone?” Patton pleaded. Logan sighed, shaking his head. “Patton, why bring that point up when you’re well aware of what my response will be?”  “You are right, I should’ve taken him to a hospital—but he looked so small and vulnerable, I couldn’t just leave him,” Patton said, his eyes glistening, “I only wanted to help him, Lo. And I believe he was telling the truth.” “Why?” Logan asked, knowing such a question would be in vain, “Why do you insist on always believing in the best of people, of humans?” Patton made a noise. It was something between a sob and a laugh, “I believed in you, Logan, even when you were human.” “I—that—you really shouldn’t have.” Logan’s chest tightened. “But I did. I always will.” This was unfair. It was an absolute appeal to Logan’s pathos and Patton knew he had no reasonable retort to this. -Crescent Chapter 7, Revised

[mythcaels-a]

"Happy Valentine's Day, Seraphin! I think you're hot so I got you a present." Kurama places a sizeable box down onto a table. Reaching inside, he pulled out a vintage typewriter. "I actually collect these, and I thought this one suited your aesthetic, so I want you to have it."

Valentine's day stuff that I am just slow to answer.

𝐎𝐡  𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞  𝐰𝐞  𝐠𝐨  with  the  blonde's  theatrics  again,  though  a  gift  box  is  new.  Eyes  narrow,  gaze  slides  between  Kurama  and  the  gift  box.  ❝  A  present.  I  swear  if  this  is  some  sort  of  gag  gift,  I'll  kick  your  ass  out  so  fast.  ❞  He's  debating  it  still,  rolling  his  eyes.  It  should  also  be  noted  that  he  completely  ignored  the  comment  about  being  hot,  not  even  taking  the  blonde  seriously.  Yet,  his  eyes  fall  back  to  the  box  as  others  hands  pull  gift  from  the  box  and  .  .  .  There's  surprise  at  the  fact  that  the  gift  is  a  real  and  genuine  gift.  Lips  part  slightly  in  awe  and  in  the  back  of  his  mind  he  does  seem  to  make  mental  note  of  the  fact  that  Kurama  said  he  collects  typewriters  which  is,  intriguing  to  him  (  and  he'll  never  admit  that  even  if  he  was  on  his  deathbed  ).  ❝  I'm  surprised  that  you  can  be  so  genuinely  thoughtful.  ❞  He  does  admit  that  much  though,  fingers  adorned  with  many  different  dark  rings  and  painted  black  nails  reaching  to  touch  the  vintage  typewriter.  He  hates  to  admit  that  he  actually  loves  the  gift,  he  dares  not  say  that  he  loves  it  aloud  but  one  can  see  how  his  gaze  has  seemed  to  light  up  as  he  keeps  it  trained  on  the  gift. 

❝  Hm  .  .  .  I  suppose  I  will  thank  you  for  this,  Kurama.  ❞  Hushed  words  are  never  going  to  be  repeated  so  Kurama  better  hear  them  the  first  damn  time.  ❝  I  didn't  get  you  anything  in  return  but  .  .  .  ❞  If  the  blonde  makes  him  regret  this,  which  he  likely  will,  he's  going  to  kick  his  ass.  ❝  I'll  allow  you  to  stay  for  dinner,  if  you'd  like.  ❞  Rare  kindness  from  him,  don't  expect  it  to  last.

[tyliocellier]

Mon trésor. Never in his life had he called a woman by these words. Perhaps he would have, if he'd met someone face to face who awakened such waves of passion within him. But he had a feeling the words wouldn't feel right in his mouth. It was the screens that allowed him to feel at ease and speak his mind. The barrier between them. As much as it tormented him, it was also his shield. Behind the screen, he did not have to be quite as impressive as he would in real life. At least...not when he was paying good money. He was painfully well-acquainted with his real life self, it was no secret to him that that version of him would be invisible to a woman like Mask Girl. At times, she seemed almost too perfect, too polished. Always pleasant, always smiling. Mask Girl seemed at times too much of an ideal vision to be realistic. But there would be glimpses of vulnerability. Small admissions here and there, of how she was tired from working all day, or how she didn't enjoy certain parts of the culture that surrounded her. Such things reminded him that she was still a person. That behind the glamorous mask, the make up and the dizzyingly sultry voice, he was still interacting with another human being. She was so good at her job, so good at constructing a persona that his perception of her wobbled back and forth quite frequently, suspending her somewhere between goddess and mortal. Either way, she was out of his reach. It only added to his intrigue.

A vaguely bashful smile lifted the corners of his mouth when she inquired about the last time he had a warm meal waiting for him at home, and he didn't answer. It didn't seem to bother her, she was moving on already, she was always so much faster than him. It felt sometimes that if he'd simply blink, he ran the risk of missing her. The same smile remained on his face, slowly warming a little bit while she told him he could talk to her, always. About his life. About his troubles. Lay down his burdens for a while. "You know it's the same for you. You can tell me things. I know you care a lot about your privacy, and I understand, I'm only saying...you can talk to me." He sounded a bit more insistent than he meant to. There was also an element of selfishness to his statement, in that he wanted to know more about her. There were so many things he didn't know about her. He wasn't even sure if she was purposefully gatekeeping information but their conversations always had a funny way of shifting focus onto him. Even now, he was feeding her information about himself: "I'm staying in Korea for one year." It wasn't until she asked him whether he would forget about her once he moved back, that he became a bit more animated.

"Forget? About you?" An uncharacteristically hollow chuckle left his lips as he shook his head. "I couldn't if I wanted to." Sometimes he did want to. It would probably be healthier. But she was in his brain, stuck in there like dried glue. Every day, his mind was subjected to the sweet torture of her image, dancing on his screen. Dancing in his dreams. And he always wanted more, no matter how many times he saw her. He resented the fact that he had missed her performance today. "When's your next performance? I'll be there next time", he promised, even though some part of him knew it may very well not make a difference to her. Another part though, a bigger part, relished in the unsubstantiated belief that she cared about his presence in the chat room. That perhaps when the stream started earlier that day, she had delayed her performance and secretly waited for his username to appear on screen.

Now she was offering to dance for him, just him, if he was nice enough. He knew what that meant. More money would land him a private show. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about it. He'd been tempted a few times, to ask her for such a thing but in the end he always yielded to the inexplicable feeling that it would be somehow inappropriate. Perhaps he just wanted her to like him. To not fall into the category of endless sleezy men who no doubt messaged her for private shows on a daily basis. Even when fantasizing about her, he was careful. He couldn't escape the nagging question in his head: if he had her, would he even know how to act? Would he know how to be with her? "It's okay...", he refused rather politely, a small gesture of his hand underlining his decision. "You don't have to—" His convictions wavered when Mask Girl drew closer to the camera to show off the latest piece of blindingly shiny jewelry she'd purchased. Of course it was not all she showed. Her hair was pushed to the side, revealing the smooth, flawlessly soft looking skin across her shoulders and her collarbones. It evoked a faint ache of desire in him, his eyes lingering on the same spot just a little longer than usual. Just long enough for him to feel a tinge of embarrassment when he responded to her question a bit too late. "Oh, c'est beau. It's beautiful, looks beautiful on you..." Just as everything does. "You're very elegant." Une élégante petite marchande d'illusion. "Will you do me a favor?", he then asked, full well knowing that it might result in another charge on his credit card. But he didn't care. "Will you tell me about your day? Not the show, but...just...how was your day? How did you feel?" All of this posing, this display of her beauty, it was distracting to him. He had told himself last time, that he would find some way to ask her about her life. Learn something real about her, even if it was only something small. Her complete anonymity, while understandable, was frustrating to him. He knew she wouldn't give out her name freely but maybe while telling him about her day, she would drop some hint of information about herself that would allow him to peek behind the glittery curtain.

How ironic it is. If this man is paying for a smile, a kind word, the company of the type of girls he would never have by his side, Mara, too, is feeding on him. Like gentle vampires for affection. He calls her Mon Trésor and these are the words nobody but a man at the other side of her screen ever called her. Trésor, treasure, means something valuable, to protect and keep for himself. His smiles are bashful, there is embarassement as well, it's sweet, he's sweet. There is timidness in him that makes her wonder if he truly is used to such interactions. Perhaps no - she isn't either, it gives their exchanges a certain candor through this online connection. Something a little sheepish, something a little pure, even. It is different than if they met at some bar, drinking, playing a lazy seductive game and fucking in the nearest cheapest motel. With the men Mara did that with, she left right after one round of disappointing sex. You're leaving already? One would ask. Yeah. She would answer, cold. Well, can I like.. Call you or something? They would ask. The sex sucked. So. No. She would answer, her leather jacket already on, checking her watch to count the hours left before her shift in the early morning at the station. The fact T-Lio couldnt touch her, have her, the fact she was rare and unattainable to his eyes made everything feel beautifully forbidden. As if, he if ever had the chance to touch her, he wouldn't just fuck her, he would try to make love to her, she imagines him in bed with her, a little too excited, asking for her consent before every single one of his move, treating her like a goddess he can't believe he gets to be inside of. He would hold her afterwards, whisper to her, ask her if he made her feel good, if she's not cold, if she needs anything.

She lets out a small laughter at his french line, not understanding the words but getting the spirit of it. "Mmm. When was the last time you actually did then, eat a homecooked meal? Had a warm plate waiting for you at home?" She questions, her chin burried into the palms of her hand, her eyes connected with his through the screen. Since how long was he alone, since how long did someone take care of him, since how long did someone give him warmth. Mara happens to wonder all this : for how long were people like him and people like her condamned to walk down a path of going home to a silent house before ending up here, with a mask and a pseudonyms?

Naturally, mara moves then, pushing her back against the chair, a little more distance between the screen where more of her upper body is disaplayed. Her long blonde hair cascading down her shoulder and breasts, her legs crossing in that dress of hers crawling up her thighs. She listens to him of course, to how it's hard for him to be here - a foreign man in korea just like she was once, when a little girl, moving from San Juan to here. "I think it was a little cruel of your bosses to send you all the way into a city with such cultural gap, mon coeur. Us korean yes, we speak fast, we live fast and the way to socialize, connect, build something beyond the surface is a little harder too when you come from a different land. But..." Mara smiles at this last line. "You can always talk to me. About the faces you walk into, about the things you see, the things you feel, even the dirtiest, the craziest. Because then... I can tell you these things too, right? If we have secrets." The line is a test, she is curious to see how he would respond. Can a complete stranger keep secrets better than your upstairs neighboor? Something she believes that yes, when two minds like theirs are marginalized, there is no judgement, no matter what she says, no matter what he says. "How long are you staying here, in Korea? I realize that, when you're gone, we won't be able to talk every day like this, you won't forget about me, when you're back to your country?" Another smile strikes on her lips as she compliments her dress. "Do you like? I'm all glittery today because mm I put up a whole show, I danced and I sang old korean songs as well but hey! You weren't even here for that, come on where were you!" Mara teases with a little bit of a complaining tone knowing perfectly he would have killed to see her dance, of course she uses that to toy with him a bit. "If you ask nicely though, I could dance for you, how would you like that?" Mara then adds. Nicely means with nice words but also... for money. It isn't that Mara needs that money to survive, it's different. Money given to her not for her job but simply to exist, to be pretty for him. It is new. Her who only sports jeans and leather jackets in the daily, it feels liberating to cover her skin in the luxuries she gets for him. It excites her to receive it, the money, excites her to spend it, it excites her to ask for more. There is no wish to leave him destitute and with nothing to eat no, it's simply, the eyes he has when she shows him her new clothes and items, he makes her feel beautiful and precious. Mara extends her hand to reach for a small bag she flashes to the camera with a wide smile on. "Well well you guessed that right, Look, I got pretty jewerly today. It's Tiffany's." Her fingers are now unwrapping the item, as she places it close to the cam to show him it has a pendant. This one is ridiculously expensive and oh she adores it more than she thought she would. Then she bends towards the camera, moving as close as she can for him to have a clear view on her neck. With her hands, she pushes her hair to the side, uncovering her collarbones, her skin, clear and soft like milk. It's then time to lock the necklace around her neck. Her fingers are delicate. "Mmm I'm struggling..." She speaks in a little bit of a laughing voice. "If only you could lock it for me. I know your hands would be gentle on my skin." She then whispers in her voice of honey, her mouth close to the microphone as the screen is still only showing her neck. Then, her finger caress the length of it, her fingertips pressing the chain against her skin, slowly, now her lips on the screen too. "How do you like it on me?"

[ran-orimoto]

COol to see people who want to give Junpei a family bg but I'm so intrigued in HIS family too and the cute babies you gave these two. So I wanted to ask if there's any chance to know more about your take on a Junpei dad, headcanons? I wil, wjat for a fic about the fam though. I spy you on tw and the intention is there

My God, I know some of you want me to write something about the Shibayamas’ fam but the embarassment about my trash is too great to pollute Ao3🤣. Okok, sorry, I will come up with something but maybe I could post it here??? Like, I’ve already polluted Tumblr enough so why not posting one-shots about the Junzumi fam here at this point. I won’t tag it in Frontier unless it’s an ask reply, but it looks like a good compromise between your ideas and my deep awkwardness, yah.

Said this, I will randomly go with some headcanons. I’m not sure if you want to know generalized stuff or specific headcanons about him and each kid, so I’ve mixed a bit of everything 🤣! My Papà Junpei is a pretty melancholy one because I like playing with the fact an opera singer ends up getting a life that resembles a tragicomedy. He’s become a realistic union of his roles🤣🤣🤣.

Hm long post yeah!

• Junpei isn’t at home that often to spend time with his family, which is something he will always feel so horrible about, especially when Izumi finally manages to open a japanese-italian cuisine restaurant in Japan like she has always wanted. Izumi knows it’s impossible for him to work in Japan after having reached the top of his career working for Milan’s La Scala, so she is willing to remain in Italy but he refuses to become the one who will shatter Izumi’s dream. So he ends up parting the fam in a more evident way by allowing them to move to Japan again (Ran will remain with him for a bit more time because of reasons), and reaching them whenever he can, even if it becomes more than just difficult to keep his promises on this level because of the much bigger distance. He feels extremely guilty about having not found the courage to finally drop his career, which is a subtle wish of his creeping in his soul as the higher he gets in success, the harder it becomes for him to stay close to those he loves and be true to himself. That’s why he will eventually switch to opera singing teaching, like I said a while ago.

• When it comes to returning to Japan, as a dejá-vú, he finds it hard to socialize with other parents during group occasions. He’s not only a sturdy man, but he’s also a foreigner at that point, no matter he is japanese, and ,on top of that, he’s also a famous opera singer in Europe. He can’t really ignore the glares and hushed comments he gets from the other fathers and can perceive how mean some weird questions he is asked about by them are. On this note, Kou used to admire Papà a lot, but it becomes hard not to feel so uncomfortable about him when his classmates laugh about Junpei also because of his phsical aspect. So Kou grows a little cold to Junpei and Junpei will take such a long time to understand it’s not really his fault.

• He……Plays Scopa (an italian card game you can play on PC too XD) during his free time and the whole fam teases him about this passion of his, especially in the middle of what he calls “tournaments”🤣. It’s eventually revealed Toto is much better at Scopa than him, just like the youngest Shibayama is an ace at whatever game Junpei proposes to spend some time with him. I kinda see Junpei as a person who can never get bored at home. He is a fan of board games, puzzles, maybe even chess. Anyway, Junpei will understand it’s better to use his Scopa cards for his magical tricks.

• Having developed a theatrical side, he has many funny outfits he uses to play with the kids. Magical tricks? He MUST dress up as a real wizard. Some Venetian traditional masks and outfits? A freaking Santa outfit? Why not. …………… SOME DETECTIVE OUTFIT to play silly hide-and-seek or real interrogations (during which he will always end up being the guilty one, but whatever, Junpei. It’s obvious you steal chocolate like a child). He’s a bizarre person, so let him really believe he has got twenty seasons about his secret detective career. Izumi rolls her eyes at this craziness of his, but the kids love how weird he is and she does too🤣.

• He risks to fall in his bribery/buying affection tendecies again when he fears he’s staying far from the kids for way too long time, so he starts sending them presents every week, but Izumi will surely kick his a$$ once he comes back home, as she fairly doesn’t want spoiled kids. (And she doesn’t want to be spoiled either🤣)

• Returning to his hobbies, it’s canon for me Junpei loves model trains. He’s one of those people who can spend a whole night to build one of those, and he wishes journalists could take a look at his collection when they interview him (but they never will, for his dismay XD. Ops) . No kid ever got interested in this hobby of his until Toto arrives and he gets fascinated by trains like him. Junpei and Toto…Often go to the station to look at trains passing by because truly Toto enjoys himself like that (and Junpei follows aahahah).

• Junpei learns how to play piano when he’s in conservatory but he obviously can only play parts of arias he needs to practice. Yet when Kou is born he learns how to play some lullabies. As the time passes by, that poor piano will get super out of tune, but he will refuse to buy another one like Izumi wants to.

• He’s STILL afraid of thunders but Ran being afraid af of them just like him makes him realize he has to snap out of it for his daughter’s sake. So he will give his best to protect her from this fear of hers even if it means cradling her with his whole body shaking.

• Kids see Grandpa Shibayama rarely because Junpei hates it when his family presses their kids about their future, reminding them how important to “become rich like Dad” is in life.

• He’s an egocentric and this is so clear. It worsens when he gets where he gets. Whenever they have the occasion to drive a car, he will bring CDs of his own performances to listen to them during the journey. The worst arguments with Kou🤣, because who would ever want to listen to Verdi’s “Requiem” during a peaceful holiday to the beach, I beg you.

• Again, he’s such an egocentric a$$ he claims he’s able to do the most disparate things, even dancing ballet for Ran and risking to break a leg, but we appreciate the effort, Junpei. You only needed a tutu, Kouji said.

• Talking about Uncle Kouji, Junpei will probably find himself at the edge of the world someday because kids want to follow Kouji on his travels so badly and Junpei would even go to North Pole if it was necessary. Eventually Kouji will obviously just take them to observe deers in Kyoto. No, kids, he won’t take you anywhere dangerous🤣🤣🤣.

That’s it, Anon??? I have got ton of hcs about the fam because I always think about them, even while studying , so feel free to ask me whatever you want ahahaha. I could make 700 posts like this one, I’m serious ahahahha.

[rosaliepostsstuff]

Chasing birds | T. W.

Talbott Winger x reader

not adding a taglist cause it's the first hphm fic I've posted so I'm not sure if you're into it

Summary: The reader realises Talbott is spending the holidays at Hogwarts and decides to stay behind too, to keep him company

Reader's house not specified!

Word count: 2195

Warnings: mentions of food, mentions of parent death, mentions of difficult family relationships

a/n: it's assumed the reader has helped him with the necklace, is an animagus (the form isn’t mentioned) and had the first date, valentines day and festival date with him. I also assumed the festival took place at the very beginning of year 5 while it was still summer and it's now the following winter.

Also, I pretended Bea didn’t get sucked into the portrait because I didn’t want Penny all sad.

It was safe to say that most of Hogwarts students were looking forward to the winter break. Some because of the Holidays, some purely because of the time off.

Some were counting down the days since the very beginning of the term, some since November 1st, some from the moment the castle grounds had been graced with the first snow of the season.

Winter had its own charm to it. The castle got its share of sunlight during the warmer months, towards the end of the school year, as the summer was approaching, and at the very beginning of it as the summer was slowly fading away. But once the grounds were covered in snow, the grand castle seemed even brighter – the winter sunlight and sky is different but all that light, reflecting off the snow and amplifying, seeped through the windows.

You were already filled with anticipation, more and more with each day that separated you from Christmas break.

You were currently counting down the minutes till the charms class ended, your last class that Friday – minutes to your last weekend before Christmas. You divided your attention between encouraging the blond Gryffindor in lifting his feather and the watch on your hand ticking away.

“Alright then, dear students, that’s all for today! Some of you I will not be seeing until the next term so I’d like to wish you all Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and may you all have a nice rest before the new term starts! Class dismissed.” Said Flitwick cheerfully as a chorus of thanks and all kinds of wishes followed, before the students began to pour out of the classroom.

“Gee, you’d think there was a fire…”  you heard Jae say groggily from behind you as he was getting up from his nap and stretched lazily. You looked at the crowd trying to squeeze through the door and chuckled, agreeing with him.

When the crowd thinned a bit, you saw someone you immediately recognised walk into the classroom. You smiled to yourself at the sight and involuntarily paused your actions to look at the tall boy in his Ravenclaw robes try to push through the students with a bit of a grimace on his face. You could almost hear his thoughts in your head.

“You coming, Y/N?” said Rowan from beside you.

At the sound of your name Talbott looked up in your direction and you briefly met his eyes. He smiled as soon as he saw you and you smiled back at him, waving your hand lightly. He raised his hand in response for just half a second before turning his attention to Flitwick.

“Coming,” you said quietly, turning to Rowan who now was standing with arms crossed on her chest and suppressing a grin.

“Ohh shut up..” you said jokingly flinging your bag over your shoulder.

“I did not say a thing..!” she countered, giggling.

On your way out, you managed to hear a bit of Talbott’s conversation with Flitwick.

“He’s staying at school for holidays..?” Rowan mentioned, looking over her shoulder after you left the classroom.

“Yeah…” you went quiet for a bit, thinking.

You had to admit, you hadn’t thought about it before, but it was quite logical. When you first learned about Talbott’s parents, you never pressed the topic further and you didn’t know whether he had any other family, someone to spend the holidays with. And during all those times you spent Christmas at Hogwarts, was he at the castle too? Hiding away somewhere, alone?

“You know, I gotta do something real quick. Meet you in the dorm later?” you said to your friend, already quickening your pace, finger-gunning in her direction.

“Sure, yeah,” she answered, a bit puzzled, yet entirely used to it.

 ——————⁛⁙⁘◊⁘⁙⁛——————

 “Oh I am so excited, I can’t wait! You see, each year Bea and I, we have a gingerbread house making contest. Neither one of us is very good at it, but it’s so much fun. Mum always has both of them on display…”

You listed to Penny ramble in excitement about Christmas over dinner and couldn’t help but smile a bit.

“Oooh, Talbott! Talbott, come on over here!” she called over your head all of a sudden, waving energetically at the boy who just looked as if he got caught, but walked over to your table anyway, then sat down opposite you with a quiet greeting.

“What about you, Y/N? Are you going home for the holidays this year?” Penny asked curiously.

Your heart rate picked up a bit, before you answered, “No, I’m staying here,” you glanced at Talbott and met his eyes before he looked back down onto his plate.

“Oh, ok,” said Penny, before changing the topic.

 ——————⁛⁙⁘◊⁘⁙⁛——————

 The case with Talbott wasn’t so easy. Your crush on him started with you being simply intrigued. You met him in your third year and there was just something about him that wouldn’t allow you to just let him be, no matter how tall he put up his walls. You felt the need to make him feel comfortable around you and you wanted to get to know him better. That’s how you became friends.

But when you did get to know him, that’s when you were truly lost. His wit, sarcastic sense of humour. His calmness and collectiveness. And him opening up to you felt more rewarding than anything else.

There were so many moments between you, the dates you went on, where you wanted to just take a dive and go all in, and each time you were closer to doing so. But in the end, you were scared of scaring him away, even if he showed time and time that he felt the same way. He even announced out loud that you were his date at the festival!

Still, each time you got back to the starting point, stuck somewhere between friends and lovers.

 ——————⁛⁙⁘◊⁘⁙⁛——————

 You woke up a bit giddy and slightly nervous. Last afternoon all the students not staying at school for the holidays left. You got freshened up and dressed, then headed to the great hall for breakfast.

When you walked through the great entrance you scanned the four, almost empty tables. And there he was indeed, at the very end of the Ravenclaw table, as usual.

“Talbott!” you greeted, sliding into the seat next to him.

He hadn’t noticed you approaching and got a bit startled, “Y/N, Merlin…” he said, putting down his toast and placing a hand over his chest, “what are you doing here?”

“Tsk, already so accusatory. I came here to have breakfast with you and spend some quality time together!” You said in an exaggerated tone.

You could’ve sworn you saw a hint of a smile creeping up onto his face and he looked around the whole room.

He scanned the tables to see if any other friends of yours stayed over the holidays or if maybe there were none, leaving you with no other choice but to sit with him. Upon noticing Chiara and Jae a bit further away he turned back around lifted one eyebrow, acknowledging, and took a sip of his coffee.

Suddenly, you became painfully aware that the last time you properly spend time together, with just the two of you, was during the outdoor festival. And there you were, sitting side by side, doing something so casual and everyday as having breakfast.

It was also uncommon for you to see Talbott out of his school robes. He had this magical talent of looking good in just about anything. He was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a plain turtleneck, his hair, as always, smart and neat and just the right amount of messy.

“Aren’t you eating?” he called you out with a bit of a smirk, not gracing you with a glance, and got back to his own food.

With a guilty blush and no confidence to strike up a further conversation, you focused on your breakfast.

“So how are you doing lately?” he asked after a few minutes, having finished eating, and sipped on the rest of his coffee slowly.

“Uh, alright. Considering everything,” you answered and he nodded slowly. “You?”

He shrugged his shoulders with an indifferent expression, “As per usual. So what made you stay at school this year? Your mum away..?” he inquired.

“Eeh… irrelevant,” you tried to dismiss the question.

“Ooh-kaay…” Talbott replied.

“Do you have any plans?” you asked quickly.

“Uhh… I was going to just read for a bit..?”

“Great! And in general, for the holidays?” you questioned further.

“Y/N, where are you going with this?” he asked, puzzled.

You mustered up all your courage for the moment you’ve been waiting for since you told your head of the house you’d be staying in the castle for the holidays.

“I thought we could spend Christmas together,” you started, taking Talbott by surprise.

“Y/N, do I look like a Christmas person to you?” he asked after a second.

You looked him up and down, “Very much so.”

He sighed deeply and leaned his elbows on the table, hiding his face in his hands. You knew he was debating it and you almost had him on board.

“Aww, come on, Tal! It’ll be fun!” You shook him by the shoulders, making him groan.

“I swear, you’ll be the death of me,” he said and you tried to tame the grin on your face and the butterflies in your stomach.

 After finishing your food you rushed to your dorm to owl Rowan as quickly as possible.

 ——————⁛⁙⁘◊⁘⁙⁛——————

 “Do you like snow?” you questioned after you went outside into the grounds.

Talbott chuckled, “Who do you take me for? I’m not that much of a bore, am I?” he teased you.

“No, I just…” you mumbled.

“Although it does get in the way when you try to fly during a snowfall…” he cut you off, walking a bit further, and crouched down, facing away from you.

It took you a second to realize what he was doing. You looked around, trying to find cover and ducked, but it was too late, you got hit with a snowball.

If you weren’t so focused on getting revenge, which turned into a full snow fight, maybe you’d take some time to admire him. The way little snowflakes rested on his hair, how his eyes looked when he focused or how bright he was smiling.

“Alright, alright, I surrender!” Talbott put his hands up and you felt relief, as you were starting to get tired, but you didn’t have it in you to give in first.

“Don’t mess with the curse-breaker, Winger,” you said in playful smugness, walking out from behind your cover and up to him.

“Yeah, yeah…” he started, “go inside or you’ll freeze, you’re covered in snow” he brushed some of it off your shoulder, and you were glad you had already been blushing from the cold.

 ——————⁛⁙⁘◊⁘⁙⁛——————

 “On the Christmas morning Jacob and I used to wake up to a pile of presents at the foot the bed each,” you started, “I always loved Christmas. But after he disappeared things at home changed. I know mum is trying, but it’s difficult sometimes, especially during the holidays…” You reminisced, looking down at your hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate.

“My mum really liked Christmas,” Talbott said, “She’d always get so into it, with the decorations, she used to make them herself, too… and she’d sing to me. I don’t think my dad was as much into it, but he tried to keep up for her,” he smiled a little wider to himself. “It was really nice,” he confided.

Your heart ached for the boy next to you. After he had to go through so much, you deeply wished to make it your mission, to bring as much happiness to his life as you could, even if to brighten it up just a little.

“So you don’t hate Christmas after all, huh..?” you said quietly.

He answered after a moment, “No, not Christmas itself.”

“I was hoping I could make it a little bit better. Maybe show you that it can still be nice,” you confessed.

He looked up at you, “That’s… Y/N, I don’t know what to say,” he trailed off.

Unsure of where to go from there either, you took one of his hands in yours.

“Y/N,” he softly prompted you to look up at him.

His face was close to yours and he glanced between your eyes and your lips, silently asking for permission. You inched a bit closer and he closed the distance, cupping your cheek with his hand.

Unsure at first, he relaxed after a second and you melted into him. His lips were really soft and warm an you placed your hands on his shoulders. You could smell his perfume mixed with his natural smell, the smell you adored, and which brought you comfort. Talbott kissed you tenderly and you felt absolutely ecstatic, sure that if he weren’t holding onto you, you’d collapse.

He pulled away only slightly and rested his forehead on yours.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” he whispered.

“Merry Christmas, Talbott.”

[thegreaterlink]

Reviewing Star Trek TNG - S3E14 "A Matter of Perspective"

This screenshot is an absolute trip.

THE PREMISE

The Enterprise drops off Riker and Geordi at the Botanica IV space station to check on the progress of Dr Nel Apgar (Mark Margolis), who has been researching Krieger waves as a potential power source. When the Enterprise returns the next day, the station explodes moments after Riker beamed back from his meeting with Apgar.

Tanugan investigator Krag (Craig Richard Nelson) comes aboard to accuse Riker of murder, since under Tanugan law he is guilty until proven innocent, and demands that he be turned over. Picard requests that they hold a trial to determine Riker's innocence.

MY REVIEW

Before we begin, I have to highlight the cold open where Data innocently talks shit about Picard's painting. I love it. Definitely the highlight of the episode.

Okay, back to the actual plot.

Here we have the first of many episodes where a main character is accused of some heinous crime and has to prove their innocence. Or as I like to call them, a slow day in the writers' room. Get used to these. You're going to be seeing a lot of them going forward.

Personally, I'm not a fan of these episodes because we always know that the accused is innocent, so there's no tension or intrigue.

Fortunately this at least has an interesting twist on it, taking advantage of the futuristic setting to have each witness's version of events play out in the holodeck.

First, we get Riker's version of events. This doesn't do the lack of tension any favours, since we know he's innocent, but okay.

I'd give you an image, but I used it for the header. In his version, Riker is neutral and business-like, Apgar is irritated by Starfleet's interruption but tries to be polite, and Apgar's wife Manua (Gina Hecht) can hardly keep her eyes off Riker, and insists that he and Geordi stay on the station despite having arranged accommodation on the planet.

Over in Riker's guest quarters, Manua essentially comes on to him, despite his insistence that she leave. Apgar enters, catches the two of them in an... awkward position, puts two and two together and tells Riker that he'll make a formal complaint to Starfleet. Though Riker notes that this last part never happened and he didn't see Apgar until the next morning.

Speaking of which, Riker's account ends with him leaving on amicable terms. Krag calls bullshit, claiming that Riker fired a phaser since the lab's ground computers detected a large energy pulse at his exact position right as the transporter was activated. Krag runs his own hypothesis, which shows Riker firing on Apgar as he was beaming out.

We then get Manua as the first witness, with much more modest clothing and demeanour than in Riker's account. Her account from before the Enterprise's arrival shows Apgar anxious over how Starfleet will respond to his lack of progress. Riker arrives, acting much more like his usual self, as well as blatantly checking her out. That night, he acts much more... predatory than usual, causing Riker (by which I mean the real Riker) to interrupt in protest, even attacking and threatening Apgar when he catches them.

Despite the foregone conclusion of Riker's innocence, it is entertaining to see Jonathan Frakes acting against type for a change.

Plus Riker gets so appalled at this attempted slander that he gives us yet another meme template.

I hope you're keeping track of these. There'll be questions later.

I'm joking.

Or am I?

Anyway, Picard calls a recess, with the evidence stacked against Riker and Troi claiming that they're somehow both telling the truth.

"We can't both be telling the truth."

"It is the truth… as you each remember it."

"But her version puts a noose around my neck."

Later comes the third witness: Tayna, Apgar's assistant, who describes what Apgar told her of the incident. Even though her account is essentially hearsay, Krag allows it since Apgar is dead.

Tayna's account is a happy medium of the two versions. Long story short, Apgar catches Riker and Manua making out, Apgar hits him and says he'll complain, and Riker threatens him. Later, Apgar tells Tayna to take his wife down to the planet and that he'll deal with Riker and continue his research. And we all know (more or less) how that went.

Now, throughout this whole thing there's been a subplot where the technical team (Geordi, Data and Wesley) have been checking for evidence of Riker's innocence. There have also been two radiation attacks which melted away part of the hull. Analysis has found that there's been the exact same time intervals between them and that they're precisely in time with the Krieger wave generator on the planet's surface. With this knowledge, Picard has determined the cause of both the radiation bursts and the explosion, as well as who killed Dr Apgar.

Picard reconvenes everyone back on the holodeck, claiming that despite all the testimonies they've yet to see what really happened.

Okay, a whole lot of shit happens in this last big explanation, so I'll do my best to keep it brief by just explaining the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

inhales

Tayna's version of events is correct.

Apgar had already finished the wave generator and was lying about his lack of progress, since he was more interested in the potential financial gain which the Federation couldn't offer.

The holodeck simulation of the wave generator (which is apparently also fully functional somehow) has been focusing the energy from the generator on the planet, damaging the ship.

Apgar had attempted to kill Riker by aiming the wave generator at him, but the energy beam bounced off his transporter field and hit the converter, destroying the station.

With the new evidence presented, Krag agrees with the conclusion that Agpar accidentally killed himself while trying to kill Riker, and offers his apologies. Yay!

A bit messy to be sure, but it all worked out in the end. The writing could've been punched up in some places, maybe by giving Tayna and Manua different motivations for testifying, like if Agpar and Tayna were having an affair or something and Tayna wanted to cover it up. Just a thought.

6/10 - I've seen worse.

[overnightheartbeats]

This was all sorts of weird. If she didn't know any better, Laurel would believe she was dreaming. The one that came every other night. A dream of redemption. How she broke his heart, and still - he opened his door for her. That he can even smile and laugh with her around, her heart was in a frenzy. It gave her whiplash, how normal this felt when reality came busting through the door. But maybe, that's the way it should be. She shouldn't allow herself to enjoy this normalcy too much, not when she knew this could only destroy him. What was she supposed to do though? Walk out again? Say goodbye and leave his life before she did more damage? The better part of her knew it was the right thing to do, but that's not what her selfish heart wanted. Her heart didn't often want, and if it did, Laurel always chose to ignore. In her opinion, listening to her heart meant trouble. It had caused trouble in the past...caused chaos in Dougie's life too, the moment she let him in. That's how she viewed it for so long, that's what kept her away. However, it was difficult to ignore her longing, the agonizing pain her heart was in when she set her mind on moving on, on letting him go. His tongue-tied moment was not new to her. In fact, she always thought it was adorable. Just how much he wanted to say, how many words could rush to spill out, and still get tangled along the way. It was one of the things that drew her in. It was odd, but Laurel found him intriguing from the start. Between rushed words and tied tongues, she was hooked. Hooked on the adorable man with the blue eyes and wide smile. "I must've learned the sayings from you," she responded, the playful tone never leaving her lips, even when he complimented her brain. And there he was, with a compliment that meant more to her than anything she's heard before. Being complimented for her brains rather than her physical traits was fairly new, something she really only learned and believed with Dougie. Talking to him was always like communicating with someone from another world in the best way. He said things that she never would consider, opened her eyes to new ideas and concepts. In short, he became her guide to life. Laurel expected the confusion on his face as soon as the words left her lips, she always said things without thinking. Thinking about whether it made sense or it should even be said out loud. If they were on better terms, she may have shared her comment about him being a thief of her heart. It would've been cheesy and funny, she would've seen his wonderful smile again. Maybe that soft tint in his cheeks when he blushed. But instead, she found herself launching into the general explanation. "For some people, yeah I guess so. They can excuse stealing, for the sake of collecting. You know, like museums collecting artifacts and refusing to return them to their proper home." Laurel swore she had read an article about that recently. It was a safe response, but she hated that she couldn't just tell him what she had actually thought. She just wasn't allowed to anymore. "Not that it applies to you! You don't...it's not about you. Just, don't listen to me. I'm not making sense today." This hypothetical PowerPoint became more real the more they talked about it. It seemed pretty established that it was non-existent, but she probably should give it some thought. Joking about clearing his schedule, that could be an opportunity to see him again. They were not a thing anymore, let alone friends, but...maybe acquaintances. Acquaintances met to catch up, which...they could, and she could see him again...right? Frankly, she was afraid to ask, but she did know - she would stick around. Give him space of course, but she would stay. "I'll send a calendar invite for it then, make sure we don't miss the date."

Expect the unexpected. It seemed like that they were both experiencing that today. Her surprise visit, his surprise reaction. His and hers, in the weirdest way possible. "I..yeah," remnants of her smile remained; the nervous feeling was taking over. Possibly the only mutual feeling left between them, surprise. No time for pity though, she did do this to herself. "Well, I'm surprised in a good way, and yeah I mean...thank you for..." for what? For being you and being so kind to even open your door? But maybe, he mistook the knock for someone else and never meant to. The voice in her mind was quick to make an appearance. It was more like, thank you for not shutting the door on my face and letting me talk to you, after everything. Yes, that made more sense, though Laurel said none of that. "Well, thank you for today, I really appreciate it." And just like that, she traded the apologies for thank you's, all in this weird apology tour.

Oh, she had the heart eyes. Yep. Her gaze softened, the corners of her lips inevitably turning upwards as he responded with his own interpretation of a tiny bit. Dougie couldn't be cuter than in this moment, how he looked with his face scrunched up, the melodic laugh that came after. Her favorite sound in this world, the sound that represented happiness for her. How had she gone so long without it? She didn't really know. Their pictures and videos that lived in her phone helped, always a sore reminder of what she lost. What she gave up. In her mind, gave him up to protect him from her self-destructive circle. Look how well that turned out. "Okay okay, agree. Just the tiniest bit," she spoke in between soft laughs. How easily they got carried away, going back and forth on their flaws, and now they were laughing it out and trying to reduce it to the tiny bit they were joking about now. Something told her that no matter how much they discussed it, they wouldn't agree on the flaws. One always trying to convince the other that they were more flawed. Perhaps, Dougie was right though..about making mistakes. Mistakes happened, everyone was flawed, and it was necessary to move past it. All that did was remind her that she should've been honest with him, show her flaws to him - let her be accepted by him. Love should've been enough, right? The blushing was not expected, the warmth building in her cheeks left her conflicted. How easily he affected her, how that had not changed even after all this time. “Running buddies? I like that, I’d probably need the accountability.” Is this what they had been reduced to? Hypotheticals and imaginary scenarios? It hurt to think about, which is why she tried to not dwell on it. It was easier to enjoy the scenario, how amusing it was to think of doing these mundane things with him again - even if the likelihood was slim. Dougie running for fun just didn’t seem accurate, even in their hypothetical. Perhaps she needed to suggest something else, another imaginary plan for them in this hypothetical world.

Laurel didn't know what else to tell him, how else to tell him that it wasn't his fault. It probably wouldn't make a difference to him. She couldn't imagine the pain and hurt she caused him. All this time with no answers, he was probably thinking the worst. She never bothered to answer any of his messages or voicemails, not even the drunk ones. Though, it was tempting. There were so many times where Laurel got so close, even typed a message here and there, but she could never bring herself to press send. Always reminding herself that staying away was for the best, that it probably hurt him a lot at first but maybe, time had done its work. That maybe, her being away had led him to something better.

When she uttered his name, Laurel didn't really have any idea of where she was going with her words. What direction it would go in. Instead, it was a shabby attempt to say anything to break the silence between them, to snap them both out of the million thoughts that were in their minds. Still, all it really did was put the attention on her. Laurel spoke up, and it seemed like she just needed to keep going because Dougie was silent. Her eyes tried finding any expression, any indication of what may be running through his mind, but she couldn't decipher much. Not right now. He only repeated okay. Had she broken him? Brows furrowed momentarily, no that couldn't be it. Laurel could only hope some of her words were making it through; asking for more than that would be selfish. His response was met with a small smile and a nod, acknowledging his well wishes. Still, it didn't deter her - Laurel would piece his words eventually. No biggie. The question did catch her off guard a bit, she had to admit. Mostly because she didn't expect him to even want to ask..to know what she was thinking or feeling. It wasn't easy, to answer the question - how do you feel? Because, her feelings were right at the tip of her tongue, just wanting to exclaim - I love you! I have never stopped loving you, and I can paint this picture that I'm only here to give you the truth and leave..but the truth is, I came back for you. I'm selfish and I've hurt you every time. I should've stayed away, but I'm here instead because I haven't been able to stop loving you and I haven't felt right since I left. It just didn't seem right to unload all of this on him. His response to her question made sense, no idea if there was ever a right time. Yep, a shrug made sense. Laurel noticed the way he dropped his gaze, perhaps she should've skipped the first part of how she felt. Talking of her guilt didn't help anyone, and all she wanted to do was avoid hurting him more.

Laurel could tell he was hesitant to ask, she had hurt him again...hadn't she? Her protests quickly fell from her lips, "no no I don't!" A sharp breath inhaled before she kept speaking. It was a conflicting feeling, selective regret. She could never regret him or regret their relationship. He brought her happiness like she had never known. "I could never regret us...I just can't help but think that I wouldn't have hurt you if I had just...been your friend. We were good friends, right? I like to think I wouldn't have messed that up," she admitted. His quiet words were not expected, her eyes drawn up to see him once more. I've always been here. Laurel should've never forgotten that. It killed her, how he was right there for her once again. Words were caught in her throat, how to answer that...how to repay his kindness. "I-I didn't lose you..." she repeated his words as if trying to process and believe them. "And you're still here..." She glanced back up at him, always? She was almost tempted to ask if he was sure. If she really would always have him, because Laurel really wanted to believe it. Desperately wanted to believe in something. "Don't say that, that it's not a lot. It's everything to me...knowing that I can still count on you. I don't know when I forgot that."

The mom topic was behind them. Thankfully. Laurel couldn't bear continuing to talk about her, especially when she could see that even Dougie wasn't believing what he was selling. Still, the topic was done. "Hm, sounds to me like you made me extra weird," she said, accompanying his chuckle with a grin. Trying to return to the laughter and jokes, her new safe space. "You're right, maybe I overdid it a bit." And there was a laugh once more as she nodded. "Yes, you did say that already, but a reminder never hurts." When he laughed, her smile grew. A triumphant one, she couldn't help but be proud of the fact that she had made him smile again. Laurel shrugged in agreement, "right again, guess it won't change anything but—" words caught in her throat once more. This was becoming a usual thing for her today. Wait, hold on...did he just say that? Had Laurel heard him right? My love? Those were words she had not heard in a while, and was not expecting to hear, though she longed for them. More than anything. She wanted to remain calm, not react to avoid any awkwardness. It was difficult to control her facial expressions though, no matter how much she tried. Her eyes widened, mouth agape, as she tried to find something to say. Words just failed her. Then, Dougie coughed as if to snap them out of the moment, and she wanted to ask...ask what he meant by that. Did he really mean it? What did it mean? But no, if he wanted to ignore it, she had to oblige. No matter how much it made her heart jump. Her arms remained wrapped around him, endless comfort was right here. Everything about this was complicated, including this hug right now. Yet, she couldn't find it in herself to let go of him. He was her home, simple as that. She could hug 1,000 people and Laurel still wouldn't feel this way. This was all him, it was a feeling she couldn't have with anyone else. Or perhaps, she just couldn't let go because she knew that once she let go, she probably won't have another chance to be in his arms again. This was her last opportunity, a weird..final goodbye kind of thing. She didn't really know what she meant by making things right, Laurel only knew she was determined to do so. Whatever that could mean to Dougie. Distance, no distance. Never seeing her again to let him move on. Anything really, she was willing to do it. There was only a nod to his answer. It wasn't a no, and it might be foolish to believe in hope, but she did. She really did believe that him thinking about it was progress.

"Right, apologies are on pause," she answered him, a breathy laugh following before she allowed her head to lay on his chest. This was everything. Something so simple bringing her back to life. Mentioning the messages was not the right move, Laurel knew that now. Which was worse though? Admitting she read and heard everything, or pretending that she ignored it all? Perhaps, not saying anything at all. Her mind reminded her. Laurel remembered them all though. The messages tormented her, the drunk voicemails only made her cry. That phone was abandoned after a few weeks, and it would only ever be charged and turned on when she was drunk off her ass, and she missed him. She couldn't help herself, wanting to see his face in an old picture or watching a silly video, but she could never escape the wave of messages that flooded her phone as soon as it turned on. Not that she would tell him that. He didn't need to know that, and frankly, it was the least she deserved. Was he crying? Laurel heard him sniffle and her heart immediately shattered. God, would she ever stop fucking up? Answer was probably no. And his pleads, no Dougie please no. She couldn't keep doing this to him. That was her conclusion. Laurel wanted to stay in the area, rebuild whatever she could, but at whose expense? His? Impossible. She didn't dare. Silence was back, Laurel couldn't answer. So, she said it. Told him what she had been feeling for the past two years, driven by her yearning. How much she missed him. This didn't help the situation at all, but it was already out. It wasn't blurted out, it wasn't something she could cover with a cough. Besides, why would she? Laurel meant it. She couldn't hide that. Now, she didn't expect him to drop everything, they get back together, and it's a happy ending for everyone. No. Laurel wasn't that hopeful or naive. Whichever worked best. She had hurt him badly, and as kind as he was, trying to help alleviate some of her guilt - it didn't change the facts.

And then he spoke. Caught her by surprise again, though the response was...more or less, what she expected. As he pulled back, Laurel felt her heart sink. This was it. She had fucked up one last time. "No you don't have to..." say anything. Yeah, that's what she meant to say, but the pang in her chest prevented her from continuing. She glanced down for a moment as he rubbed his eyes, probably trying to clean himself up. Laurel didn't want to point it out, but she could tell he had teared up. The sniffling earlier had been a clue. She almost didn't want to answer, why it'd be easier it he was mad. Well, for starters, Laurel was very familiar with the emotion. She felt it was easier to navigate. She just wondered if handling his anger would be easier than being received with kindness. That one felt trickier to her. "I..." a sigh escaped her, unsure how to explain the logic in her mind. "I guess it just...it's the emotion I'm most familiar with. I don't know...I guess I figured you'd be upset, angry with me..and I can't wrap my head around you...not." Not exploding on her, not yelling, and essentially - unleashing all their anger on her? It was how things usually worked, she thought. Accept all their anger because it was a just punishment.

The more he spoke, the more she concluded: Dougie was an angel. A soft, beautiful angel that she never deserved. This man who had continuously shown her more kindness than she deserved was asserting that he could never be mad at her, that he couldn't yell at her. What to do with all that kindness? An apology almost tumbled out from her lips, ready to say sorry for his brain being mush, but she remembered: no more of those. His touch was electrifying, a shaky hum caught in her lips as he stroked her cheek. Instinctively, her eyes fluttered closed, taking the moment to really commit this to memory. Another memory to save for a rainy day. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes, finding his eyes, not wanting to lose the intricate details of those baby blues. "I wish I could take it all back," she said quietly. It was a loophole, another way to apologize without saying sorry. Laurel remained silent as he spoke, each word taking a piece of her heart and shattering it, like a plate being thrown to the floor. It wasn't his fault, god no. She could never blame him, but it didn't change the feeling in her chest. Dougie was right though. She couldn't just expect to hear those words, not anymore. "Please...don't," a soft shake of her head. "You don't need to...you know, say that. Or anything really. I just couldn't keep that to myself anymore, but I'm not...I know I won't hear that anymore."

Wait, letting her go? She was it for him? So caught up in her thoughts, she almost missed what he said. Words that would have her heart jumping with joy, instead only pained her to hear. He was it for her too, but she didn't dare say it. Couldn't bring more hurt to him. "I won't..I won't go. I mean, I'll leave your apartment of course." Terrible joke, terrible timing. Though, the truth. It's not like she was going tell him she needed a place to crash or something. "But, I mean that I won't leave. I'll be here until, one day, you decide you don't want me here anymore...then I'll go. I'll do anything you ask." Her hand tentatively reached out to hold his, the one stroking her cheek, and held his hand in hers. A faint squeeze before she brought his hands up to her lips, a soft kiss pressed on his hand. There she was, doing things she wasn't supposed to. "I put a lot on you today Dougie...but you don't need to do or say anything. Really. It is a lot, I'm not...time and space is what you need...I'm probably not helping...by being here." Time and space would probably help him clear his head. Maybe, he'd talk with a friend about this. His friends might help him land somewhere, remind him of what she did. And, at the end of the day, whichever way he landed, she would respect. "I just can't keep hurting you Dougie...I think this has been enough for today. I should probably go, not..going away," specifying seemed like the right thing to do. "I'll...I'll be around, promise."

Was it odd to be suddenly smiling and laughing with the person responsible for shattering what was left of your heart? Yes, most likely. Did that stop Dougie from doing the exact above though? No, it did not. There was no help manual to show him what to do if his ex showed up after walking out of his life unannounced after so long. Part of him wanted a semblance of normality. Needed it, rather. Something, anything for him to grasp onto because if for a minute, he had to think about those years of internal torture, then it would destroy him all over again. And he wasn’t sure if he could handle that yet. Dougie could address that part later. For now, he would much rather focus on this little joking exchange taking place between them. The simplicity of such action. How it anchored him, tethered him to the thought of what once was, of what could have been. Of what could be — however, it was far too early to even think that far ahead. Bloody hell: Laurel had just turned up out of nowhere and there he was fantasising about the what ifs, the future. As if he could ever fully cope with a clean slate. That would be too easy, even for Dougie, even if there was a shred of him that didn’t want to believe that. Only time would tell, and he needed to focus on staying present in the moments. On her, seeing that smile on her face warmed his heart up even on the darkest of days. How easy it was to see it, one of her many qualities that had him falling head over heels for her to begin with. Laurel’s confirmation caused his already present smile to extend a little more than it already, still his usual, bashful self no less. It never did take much for her to make him smile and even after all this time, his stomach was filled with butterflies. “Well,” he finally said after feeling like he was smiling and looking at her for a little too long. “That’s…yeah, that’s nice.”  Why was he getting so tongue-tied? Even he wasn’t sure — but then again, that didn’t really help considering he wasn’t sure on most things, so it wasn’t as though that was anything new. Laurel always amazed him though, no matter how many times she would tell him it was more so the other way around. The way he never ever bored her, the way he easily could with other people. That was the thing? Wasn’t it? Laurel was one of a kind. A special edition of a person, his limited edition. Maybe that’s why they never worked out, because it was only meant to be only a while. Nothing lasted forever but once upon a time, he wholeheartedly believed she was his forever. Letting go of that did not come easily to him but he really was like that. Got attached, fell in too deep, and then was unable to let go. Much like how he didn’t want to let go of this moment, of seeing that smile on her face. Seeing it again was like seeing the first fall of rain after a painfully long drought.

“That may have only been one but I’m sure there are plenty of others in that wonderful brain of yours,” he teased back, though that last part was sincere. Dougie loved hearing all of the inner workings of Laurel’s mind. She always had something to say about everything and he always adored listening to it. He was always captivated by her, holding on to every word she uttered. Time might change things, but it never changed that. “Oh, really? I’m pretty sure you’re the only person to think that. Everyone else thinks I make everything sound more complicated than it needs to be. Hard to keep on track trying to learn something when I keep waffling on and on and on…kind of like the way I’m doing now,” he said, laughing sheepishly. Again, with his usual self-deprecating attitude. Again, with how some things never changed. Her lilting laugh was like music to his ears, like an old familiar song that brought back feelings of nostalgia. And how he would do anything to hear it again and again. It had been far too long since the last time he heard it. God. How he missed her. “I – they’re not the same, are they? How are they the same?” Brief confusion etched his face, as if genuinely considering it. They were different things, weren’t they? Either, or. It didn’t matter too much in the grand scheme of things and yet it still had him wondering. Coming from her though? Dougie could easily agree. A bit gullible in that way, but he could believe anything that came out of her mouth. And probably would. Included the hypothetical non-existent PowerPoint presentation. “I’ll have my seat reserved and schedule cleared especially for it,” he joked. It obviously didn’t exist and wouldn’t…then again, she could surprise him. Just for the fun of it, it sounded like something Laurel would do because she was Laurel and he loved her for it. It also implied that they would possibly see each other after this. Maybe he was hoping for that, no matter what excuse. Not that they needed an excuse but…there he went again, his mind forward thinking a hundred steps ahead. Enough.

There he was, still trying to sort his own feelings out. How they could still have a laugh and joke as if nothing changed between them was bittersweet. Sweet, because it was nice and refreshing, how natural it all was. Yet still bitter, because at the same time it was a painstaking reminder that perhaps, it shouldn’t be this easy. It wasn’t normal, but then again neither was he. If anything, he was always comforted by the opportunity to look at the bright side. There was always a brighter side and once upon a time, Laurel was that side. Even on the darkest days, she was that beacon of light, illuminating the darkness. The light at the end of the tunnel, if you will. Having her there with him again sparked loads of different complicated emotions, as if someone had spun a wheel and it was rolling and rolling and rolling. Like a game of emotional roulette: what would it land on? Dougie wasn’t convinced he had landed on any particular emotion yet. It was spinning around and around like the waltzers. “I…well, you know what they say…” There he went again. “Expect the unexpected.” Half joking. But maybe he should take his own words into account there— he wasn’t expecting the unexpected. Laurel showing up here was the unexpected and he couldn’t have anticipated her being here now. He has given up all hope of that happening a long, long time ago when she left without a trace. Clearly, they were both surprised by the whole thing but for completely different reasons. “A surprise…yeah. Yup. I guess it can be said that the feeling is uh… that it’s mutual.” Again, different ways. But still… a surprise was a surprise. Dougie didn’t feel as though there was much else to add to that. Or his mind was just filled with the brim with too many thoughts that it froze him and prevented him from rambling even more. Or whatever.

Whenever one of them laughed, the other still followed suit. Even if it was something that had built up a flicker of awkward tension like it just had. Relieved by one of them laughing, then both of them laughing. The smallest things that alleviated most of it. How easy it was, almost perfect even if it hadn’t been for the other obvious factors looming over them. Dougie was never the type for confrontation and the last thing he wanted was to have anything of the sort. Not now, not ever. Not if it gave her any reason to go ahead and leave him again. Not when he just got her back. Well…it’s not like he got her back really, is it? Laurel came back on her own accord. There was a difference. No amount of him fighting for her would've made her stay or brought her back to him. The lack of response to all those texts and unanswered voicemails drilled that into him. His love hadn't been enough to bring her home...until now. “The teeninest tiniest wincy little titchy bit,” Doug shot back, even scrunching his face up as it if would make it look even smaller than her little gesture before laughing a little more. It was the little moments that meant the most. And he would do anything, including making himself look like an idiot (though that didn’t take a ton of effort as he could do that without even trying to at the best of times anyway!) even if it put the faintest smiles on her face. Any other time it would’ve been funny, how it became an unknowing competition of who was the most flawed or the most screwed up. Not that it mattered - hence what Dougie had only pointed out moments before - but he would award it to himself. But it didn’t matter. It never mattered. Love was meant to be about loving someone despite their flaws. They were a part of what made people human. They were what made Laurel, her and him, Douglas. Neither of them saw any flaws with the other even though they were plenty flawed in their own little ways but…that was what love was about, wasn’t it? And wait…was Laurel blushing? It suited her and he couldn’t help the silly smile that painted his features. Had things been how they used to, he would have pointed it out, told her how adorable she was and that it suited her…but Dougie was uncertain he was meant to be saying things like that to her now. As opposed to the other stupidly cheesy comment he’d made only just before? The logic was not logical in his mind. It was just natural — a goofy cheeseball at heart. But it made her smile, and that’s all that mattered in the end. For the moment. Her comment about the marathon earned another laugh from him. It was just such a Laurel thing to come out of her mouth and he loved it. Savoured every moment for however long it would last. “Sounds good enough to me. We could even be running buddies, keep each other in check like.” Was this another hypothetical situation like the PowerPoint presentation? Yep, probably. The idea was funny though. Dougie in a marathon — laughable.

It was like there was nothing more to say and yet there still was too much to say at the same time. It confused him; how could this be? All this time, he had been wondering what went wrong. And it turned out, it was nothing he specifically did. Two years of unrelenting turmoil, trying to piece together what he could have done to make things end differently, scraping for signs of a doomed relationship. Any indicator that he was on the verge of losing Laurel and everything they had. He convinced that the wounds left by her absence had healed over these couple of years. Or at least a little bit. The wound inflicted by her abandonment left him with a permanent scar. A painstaking reminder of what they lost, without it even being either of their faults really. Nothing but memories, just a sad reminder of all that was robbed from them. But now…? With Laurel being back here, it felt more like a scab. One still in the process of healing but not quite, her return being akin to picking said scab off and the bleeding resumed. His search for answers was over. It wasn’t his fault. Instead, it was the influence of a third party, someone whom he’d never even met. It. Wasn’t. His. Fault. The one sentence that kept playing like a mantra in his head. All this time, he had blamed himself for whatever went wrong. Part of him wondered if it would have made anything easier if it had been because of his wrongdoing. Because he could apologise, try and make things right for sending her astray. What he was supposed to do with this information was an entire other process altogether. Nothing could erase the torment he’d subjected himself to, the fear of being abandoned like that again. But he couldn’t deny the lingering feelings that still existed, nor was he strong enough to push them away. Especially not when she was here in front of him, apologetic and sincere. He felt like an open wound, gaping and unyielding. Whoever said ‘The truth will set you free’ was full of shit. Because he did not feel free in the slightest. Sure, it was nice knowing albeit that was probably not the right word to describe it. But he also felt the heavy weight of it, the weight of what she must have carried around with her for so long and he didn’t know what to possibly do with any of it. What’s done is done, was what he said. But how to move past it was another question entirely.

The sound of his name falling from her lips rendered him silent. Just like that, she halted any remotely coherent (and incoherent) thoughts from forming. It was like the world has stopped moving. Now it was his turn to be stunned into silence by the sound of his own name. Because it was Laurel uttering it. His heart felt like it was made of glass, that so much as a gentle prod and he could shatter all over again. Why did it suddenly feel as though time had stood still? Like it confirmed one thing: Douglas Blackwood was not over her in the slightest. He felt pathetic, so much time having passed and he was still as in love with Laurel as he ever once was. If not more. Or was he deluding himself into believing he could let her in again, at some point? Two years was a long time. Flummoxed. He was flummoxed. All he could do when Laurel spoke again is nod his head slowly, take her assurances and clamp down on them, cling on to them for as long as he could. “Okay.” What else could be said other than that? It felt redundant, but it was all he could utter out. “Okay,” he repeated again as though her words were officially locked into his mind, seared into his skull. Eventually was the key word. Still, her words caused a ghost of a smile to caress his lips. Of course she still remembered that. “I, yeah, uh all I can say is good luck with that,” he attempted to joke back. The least he could do was try, even if he was completely stumped for words once more. When he had turned the question back to her, he had no idea what he was setting himself up for. She came back for him, didn’t she? Wasn’t that in itself enough of an indication of how she felt? Granted, it could’ve been just to ease her guilt and clear her conscience, tying up loose ends before moving on with the next chapter of her life or whatnot. Laurel looked like a deer caught in headlights, like how he looked when she asked him the exact same question. She must have seen this question coming, surely? Maybe she didn’t, maybe she thought he would stand there, taking whatever she had to say and then leaving right after. Or maybe, like Dougie, she needed more time to think. No matter how many times he thought he had been ready for the moment, he wasn’t. Therefore, it wasn’t that much of a stretch to think about really. Trying to decipher your feelings and also talking about your feelings were no easy feats that was for sure. In response to her question about there ever being a right time, he gave a half hearted shrug of his shoulders, clicking his tongue as though saying ‘no idea’ without explicitly stating it. It wasn’t like he could verbalise the words, his heart racing too rapidly to even part his lips. Dropped his gaze when she first spoke again, talking of her guilt and how crappy she felt because of her own actions made his heart sink. All he wanted to do was help her, hoped that his words would assist healing her, alleviate some of that guilt for her. Because it wasn’t worth it, dwelling on it. But he was not one to say as someone who lived far too much in the past, far too much on the what ifs. His head bowed slightly, because listening to her speak was causing yet another pang in his heart. When would it get easier? Will it ever get easier? All the guilt, all the pain…why did Dougie have a niggling feeling, a treacherous thought at the back of his skull that told him she regretted them? Why did he feel the overbearing need to ask?

“Do you…” He hesitated for a moment, apprehensively lifting his head back up to look at Laurel. Needing to look at her for sure to know. “Do you regret it? Us, I mean, not the—" Not the leaving part because that was already established. The before, when they were a them. Maybe he got his wires crossed but it was the vibe he received, especially when she mentioned what if they had only stayed friends. How was he supposed to respond? There Laurel was, opening up her heart to him as requested and there he was, stood there like a hopeless fool with nothing to say, just a blank mind. Opening and closing his mouth a few times, his brow furrowed as Dougie tried to think of something to say. The right thing to say. Much like there never being a right time, there probably wasn’t a right thing to say either. “You haven’t lost me… I-I’ve always been here. I’m still here,” he spoke quietly, like his heart might collapse if he spoke any louder. Hollow. That was how he felt too. Not wanting her to think she was left with nothing. Regardless of their relationship status, god, he never ever wanted her to feel like she had nothing and no one. “Please don’t say you have nothing I— you will always have me. You know this.” So many things he wanted to say but couldn’t, was still trying to process everything, what she said. “I know it’s not a lot but…but it’s something., right? No matter what...no matter what happens with us. You still always have me.” Unless that's not enough anymore, the traitorous voice in the back of his mind reminded him. It was something Dougie had reminded her time and time again over the course of their relationship. Maybe she didn't remember. Maybe he was being too much, maybe it felt like overkill.

The look on Laurel’s face told him all he needed to know. As much as he liked to try and see the bright side to any scenario that seemed dire, tried to convince others there was always hope…it was obvious when he wasn’t feeling like it. Such as the case with the topic of her mother. She was hurt enough as it was, and the last thing he wanted to do was completely destroy her more than telling her what she likely already knew. Maybe part of her accepted it already but maybe there was part of her holding on to that tiniest shred of hope that maybe she loved her like a mother should. Dougie sure as hell was not going to be the one to break it to her, especially since he didn’t even know the woman enough to say, only going from the parts she finally told him today. Nor did he want to steer her in the other direction, away from him again, out of sight forever. Though she didn’t voice it, never commented on how much of a terrible liar he was which they probably could have later laughed about…he wasn’t going to continue that either. Not if it hurt her too much, he couldn’t — and would never — do that to her. So if she wanted to drop it, he would drop it, too.

"And yet you seem glad about it...always knew you were weird," he chuckled softly in reference to her agreement with his comment about rubbing off on her with his countless apologies. The weird comment was to try and make her smile some more, prolong it, and savour the moment for as long as he could even in their fragile state of vulnerability. "Um, you know it's too many when the unofficial master of apologies even agrees with you," Dougie joked back. Again, delaying the inevitable. If he could make her smile longer, and laugh more, through their turmoil, and complex emotions then maybe she'd feel more inclined to stick around. Why was he so worried about her going again? "And yes, I definitely, definitely heard them. Loud and clear and...I already said that, didn't I?" Pretty sure he did. But just in case she didn't get it the first time either. Another smile creeping up on his lips. The question about his other exes earned another quiet laugh to escape and Dougie shook his head as if waving her off and dismissing the question entirely. "Well, believing it or not believing it won't change anything. As for the others, it's nothing worth dwelling on, my love. Dougie froze at his own words. Did he really just call her my love? It trickled out so naturally, too naturally, and his eyes widened at his own words there. Taking it back would be too awkward and it would only make him turn into a bigger, bumbling mess which was the last thing he needed. Not wanting to ruin the joking back-and-forths they were having, he just forced a cough like it would remove the words, erase it from their memory. Not that he wanted to but...They weren't together anymore. He shouldn't be calling her things like that. It didn't help that it felt so right either. Love was complicated.If he could stay in Laurel's arms forever, Dougie would die a happy, content man. It may have been a big cliche to say or even think it, but it felt like she had picked up all the broken pieces and stitched them all back together piece by piece. Sure, he was still a mess but he felt whole again. Didn't that count for something? He felt like it should. All he knew in that moment was that he didn't want to let Laurel go. Figuratively and metaphorically, that is. Feeling like if he let go for a moment, she might fade away right before his eyes. After all, Dougie lost her once; he didn't want to lose her again, not so soon. The fragrance of her perfume, the scent of her hair too, it all felt like coming home after so long. Felt like how he often felt on his trips back to Scotland. Home was where the heart is, and his heart was still held captive by her. And Dougie did not want to pay the ransom for it, even if it was at the expense of his own feelings. God, he missed her. Her absence left a gaping hole in his psyche, but holding her in his arms like that also drilled home how he'd lost her. How this was what he'd missed out on for over two whole years. If he let go, it still would be too soon. It wouldn't make up for the amount of time lost, the amount of time he wanted to make up for, holding her so closely to him, her arms bracketing around him. And his with hers. Dougie could tell she felt it too, the way her tense posture slackened around him, as if welcoming him in. Making things right...it sounded like a lot. Hadn't she made things right by serving him with the truth? Being hugged by her was one of his favourite things in the world. He was like a child with an avid fondness for their favorite cuddly toy, not wanting to surrender it for anything. Sure, it didn't undo the hurt he'd endured over the course of time...but in that moment? It felt like everything was okay. She said she would do anything but...what if he didn't want her to? It was hard. Dougie wasn't used to this. He was used to being the one desperate to find a way to improve things, fix things between strained relationships. He was a fixer...not the fixee. That wasn't a word... but that was how he felt. So, what could he tell her for the time being? The obvious, safe answer. "I'll think about it."

It was a struggle to not get all choked up listening to her apologise again, and Dougie sighed shakily. The more he thought about it, the more he began to well up again. Not that he was prepared to let her see that, so he tried to remain as calm and steady as he could for the time being. "Now, what did we say about apologies, eh?" he attempted lightly, a croaky laugh escaping his lips as he released a content sigh, committing everything about the moment to memory. Listening to her talk about reading his messages, Dougie inhaled sharply, as though a heavy weight had just settled in his chest, carved a home out of his heart. The memories hit him like a gush of wind was about to knock him over. If he hadn't been hugging her in that moment, he was sure his knees would have buckled from beneath him. Some of them, he couldn't even remember sending - there were days where he'd been so out of it, he barely knew what day it was. On other days, he was plastered out of his mind and it wasn't until he sobered up that he realised the amount of shit he sent. God, the voicemails too. Tragic really, how one person could affect him so deeply. And how he was here, hugging that very person as though his life depended on it. His eyes burned with unshed tears and he squeezed them shut, trying to eliminate the evidence. His little, pathetic sniffle gave him away though. It was too muchAnd he didn't know how to respond which was only stressing him out even more. "Laurel, please-" he said breathily, voice tinged with desperation. Please what? He didn't even know what he was asking her to do. It had been so long since he heard her say that. I love you. Present tense. Those three little words that could make or break someone. Sometimes, it could do both. Words he wanted to echo back to her so desperately but...he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because if he uttered the words out loud, what then? They couldn't just get back together like that. Despite everything, despite how desperately he wanted to hand her a second chance on a silver platter, he couldn't bring himself to. A betrayal of trust...could they ever get what they once had back? It just hit home, the harshness of reality, their situation. Because it wasn't just leaving him. It was knowing she heard his voicemails, of knowing he was besotted with her and her absence left him a wreck. And despite this, it was knowing she knew full well he'd hit a low point to be sending messages and voicemails like that and he got...nothing. How do you bounce back from that? Knowing someone you loved was struggling so much you couldn't even face them?

"Sorry I just...don't know what to say. I don't know what the right thing to say is..." he finally mumbled, trying to steady the pace he spoke so she could hear him clearly. Hearing her speak again, Dougie pulled back slightly, his arms still around her as he looked into her eyes. Quickly, he used one of his sleeves to quickly rub at his eyes before they returned to her frame again. "Why would that be easier?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "Even if I was mad at you, I couldn't yell at you...which um, I'm not by the way. Mad, I mean. Sure...my brain is mush right now but no. I could never be mad at you Laurel. Not now, not ever." Tentatively, he selfishly lifted a hand to delicately stroke her cheek. As if one touch with too much pressure could break her. He shouldn't, Dougie knew that, but...he just couldn't help himself. "Being angry would be too exhausting. Losing you was...it was hard enough." His voice cracked and he shook his head bleakly to recompose himself. It pained him, looking into her eyes. To see the sadness, regret and yet so much love within them. Made him feel even guiltier, for not caving completely for one moment to just...be what they were. He couldn't do that to her, not when he was still uncertain about what they did from here. "I wish I could tell you what...what you want to hear. You know but...I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you," Dougie admitted. "At the same time, I can't bear the thought of letting you go again. You're it for me, Laurel. You always have been. And it's both the easiest and the trickiest thing for me to say right now because...I just-I don't know what to do with that."

[siswritesyanderes]

Could please write some headcanons about platonic yandere Harry for his twin brother? Sorry if I'm bothering you....

(You’re never bothering me by sending asks/requests! I’m sorry this ended up shorter than I meant for it to be; I had all my ideas fairly ironed out, but I kept getting daunted by my own plan for how long I wanted to make it, so over and over again I just stopped working on it, and then I thought, How about post what you have and then continue it if someone asks you to? So that’s what I’m doing.)

...

They looked nearly identical. It was just that Liam’s scar was across his ear instead of on his forehead, and he didn’t have the defiant edge that made Harry’s eyes and jaw look harder. Liam genuinely wanted the Dursley’s to think that he was good, and it broke Harry’s heart, because he knew that it would never happen.

It sharpened him all the more, to see his brother legitimately trying to earn their approval and only getting hurt for his troubles.

Liam hadn’t gained the same quick reflexes that Harry had; with minimal clues, Harry knew when Dudley would suddenly come barreling down the hallway, and he knew how to jump aside. Liam was too unobservant, and too clumsy; Dudley would shove him into the wall if Harry didn’t pull him out of the way in time, and still he would say, “Good morning, Dudley,” or “That looks fun, Dudley.”

Harry knew, somehow, that it was his own fault when Liam, one day, appeared to suddenly and only for a moment become impossibly dense, causing Dudley to topple to the floor when he tried to shove him, but it was still Liam who had been punished for it when Dudley went and burst into tears.

And then there was the hair. Aunt Petunia had been willing to chop off all of Harry’s hair on account of it being “unruly” (leaving only the fringe, to cover his scar; that style had looked so stupid that it had magically grown back overnight, but that was another story); she couldn’t do the same with Liam, because his scar was so inconveniently placed that his hair had to stay long in order to cover it. This led to several agonizing mornings of Aunt Petunia combing at Liam’s hair so hard that he cried, and yet he was still the one who apologized to her, for having such hair to begin with.

And once again, Liam was the one who got punished when Aunt Petunia’s comb suddenly seemed impossible to grab ahold of, and again Harry knew somehow that he was really the one to blame.

All of these incidents, too many to count and more than they even remembered, solidified Harry’s conviction that his brother needed his protection.

So on the day when the two of them suddenly got letters after having never received mail of their own once in their lives, Harry hid them in his trousers until nightfall, then pulled them out in the cupboard they shared. It was nearly impossible to read in such dim light, but through their combined efforts, they discovered that the pair of letters were in fact very similar in content. They told of a school. A school of magic.

And Harry saw it for the escape it was.

The next day, he pulled out a phone book and searched for the name Minerva McGonagall, as it had been signed on the bottom of both letters, but he couldn’t find any such person.

(Disheartening. A bit of doubt curled inside him, that maybe Hogwarts had been someone’s idea of a joke. But he would rescue his brother from this house; it was decided now, whether Hogwarts was real or not.)

The day after, he absconded from the Dursleys’ house with Liam (never releasing his brother’s hand, as they traversed the city; people were dangerous, and Liam was naive; he was only safe with Harry) and searched for the place called “The Leaky Cauldron”.

This, they did find. It was an odd, cozy-looking place, and it exploded inexplicably into excited chatter and jubilant shouts when people noticed Harry and Liam there.

“You can’t be the Potter boys,” one man gasped, in an awed tone as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.

Harry tightened his grip on his brother, who looked overwhelmed by all the attention, and scowled to communicate to the gathering crowd that he could be dangerous even if he was only ten. “Why can’t we?” he asked flippantly. “And why do you know us?”

It was then and there that the boys were informed of their legendary past: of Lord Voldemort and how they had thwarted him and how the world of witches and wizards viewed them as heroes.

This time, when Harry inquired as to where he might find a Minerva McGonagall, he was successful. The pair of them turned up at the deputy headmistress’s home and, when she welcomed them in with a furrowed brow and a tray of biscuits, he laid bare the details of the Dursleys’ cruelty and neglect. He could handle their treatment for himself, but Liam needed to be kept out of their reach.

And he was.

Pale-faced and horrified, McGonagall exchanged a surprisingly swift series of owls (They sent letters using owls, of all things.) with Headmaster Dumbledore that ended with the twins recounting the details of their mistreatment once more, this time to Ministry officials (the Ministry of Magic, an idea which dazzled Liam) and then being placed under the temporary guardianship of McGonagall, until someone could get in contact with the Dursleys. (Apparently, there was something about a protective spell tied to Aunt Petunia’s blood, and Dumbledore was convinced it could be salvaged without allowing the family to continue abusing the boys; Harry doubted it.)

That night, he and Liam were offered separate guest bedrooms in McGonagall’s home, but Harry refused to sleep apart, even if Liam was intrigued by the idea of having his own bed, in a room all to himself. Liam was too trusting, too vulnerable.

One day, Harry would make sure he had a bed to himself. When it was safe. For now, though, they had to stay together.

Liam kept trying to run off, though!

When McGonagall took them to get their school supplies, Liam kept wandering when Harry’s attention was elsewhere. He never went far; always just one aisle away, or staring through the window one shop over while Harry was looking at the broom shop. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for something bad to happen, and Harry could only pay attention to so many things, in this bustling place. He couldn’t very well make Liam keep holding his hand if his brother was determined to squirm and stray. All he could do was implore him to keep still.

Overhearing Harry’s protestations, McGonagall interjected, “Pardon me, Mr. Potter, but I think you’ll find that the pair of you are safer, here, than you may think.”

“Why? Because you’re here?” Harry asked, not bothering to hide his skepticism. McGonagall had helped them so far, but he wouldn’t stake their wellbeing on her.

“There is that,” McGonagall allowed primly. “But I wouldn’t understate the fact that the two of you draw far too much attention for anyone to feasibly harm you, at least without being noticed.”

This was a welcome introduction to something Harry had failed to consider; in the Muggle world, they were invisible, but here, yes, there had to be some safety in being so seen.

But there was danger in it, too. All of this attention, it was asking for trouble. That was for him to manage; the safety and the danger of fame.