#fixed-orientation came up with this lol

[dykebrokendog]

“No, sweetie, it’s not comphet to have a crush on a fictional male character. Comphet is when I force you to suck this man’s cock because I get off on it. Now be a good girl for Mommy”

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[seekers-who-are-lovers]

Loosely character interview

by the author, Chisato Abe *

* One of the features of the fan book is Chisato Abe’s imagined interview with the main actors of “The Raven Doesn’t Choose Its Master.” (The translation is very rough, so apologies if you find mistakes.) Illustrations are done by Matsuzaki Natsumi, the princesses have also been “interviewed.” You can read it here.

Wakamiya

He will be the next Kin’u in Yamauchi. The child of the sun (the crown prince).

How do you feel now that you have returned to Yamauchi for the first time in a long time? As I was away for a long time, I couldn't escape the opposition of the Imperial Court. Well, I'm just prepared.

Are there some side servants planning to come? It would seem so. I'm sure I’ll be able to build a good relationship with them.

Wakamiya, according to Ms Abe: He’s the main character of the first volume’s main story. He’s the Crown Prince, but has hardly a good reputation. He has a Furaibo temperament. (風来坊 - vagabond, wanderer. A person who wanders from place to place without a fixed home: one leading a vagabond life.) … His hobby is cooking and is also good at making sweets. Maybe he’s not suitable for political struggle because of his unique personality.

Yukiya

The “blockhead” second son of the governor/chief of the Taruha Village Yukimasa and an Imperial Court servant to Wakamiya.

How do you feel now that you have been selected as his personal attendant? I'm surprised and afraid that it's so sudden.

Are you looking forward to serving him? I think it's an honourable role.

Are you looking forward to it? I'm fucking looking forward to it. Can I go home now?

Yukiya, according to Ms Abe: The main character of the second volume’s main story, “I'm not a beautiful boy. I'm pretending to be a kind-hearted person, but I’ve been scolded a lot because I don't like to lose.” Still there’s his nature of being sweet. “Somehow, I was born and raised as a young master. And I always think of my family back home.”

Lord Natsuka

From the southern family, the eldest son of the current Empress. Wakamiya's older brother.

What do you think of your brother? Even though he's my younger brother, one should swear loyalty to him. I will serve him with all my heart.

Rumour has it that you are thinking of recapturing the throne? No way (lol). By the way, who told you that?

Natsuka, according to Ms Abe: According to the book, he was supposed to be the king quickly, but various things happened and he gave up the position for his brother. He ignored his own will and the people around him, who became heated up in the power struggle, so he had to do his best to get along with it. He loves his brother! Maybe he himself has a moderately ruler-oriented personality. There are wrinkles between his eyebrows, but he’s quite honest.

Sumio

Wakamiya's only escort. A warrior who graduated from Keisouin Academy at the top of the class.

How is it to be Wakamiya’s escort? It's an honour for me.

Sumio-domo is a commoner, isn't he? Why was he selected? I wonder if you paid attention to the results of the Keisoin Academy.

Do you have a girlfriend? Huh? Why, all of a sudden?

Sumio, according to his creator, Chisato Abe: A good young man who came from the commoner class, but is forced to live the hard way ever since he’s become friends with Wakamiya, who he found wandering for some unknown reasons. A hard-working individual who has a good head, personality, and good motor skills, but doesn't have much luck.

Sometimes, I think when I’d exhausted their canon stories, it’d be interesting to put them in an alternate universe where these characters could move in a modern setting. I love them. I think it could work.

[kekaki-cupcakes]

Hi uhm sorry if I bother you: could you please write Percy x daughter of Disciplina (minor Roman goddess of discipline) who’s very uhm well rules-oriented, similar to Jason and cold and military though secretly loves cute and chaotic things (though doesn’t partake) so it’s kind of a rival to lovers situation please? And they meet when Percy arrives at the camp Jupiter? Thank you so much and feel free to decline ofc! Bye bye! Ps: loved your Nike series and I can’t wait for the Hypnos piece too! Take your time though, ofc!

This was a cute idea <3 and I liked writing about Camp Jupiter I haven't had any roman demigod requests before! sorry it took so long I'm multitasking so much haha but this ended up as 2.1k words lol <3

rules orders kisses instructions---Percy Jackson x roman child of Disciplina

»»————-　★　————-««

-First of all, it wasn’t your fault that you managed to bring the most chaotic, rule breaking, cute, carefree, demigod into Camp Jupiter.

-You were posted just inside the borders, watching for monsters and the like, and though you’d never admit it, it was one of the quietest and therefore dullest spots for patrol. Nothing ever came through, and you spent most of your time sharpening your weapon and spotting cloud animals. Until something did come through, namely, the bane of your entire existence. 

-He came running over the hills with a panda pillow pet and a bronze sword, followed by a hoard of screeching monsters, telling ‘Perseus Jackson’ that today was the day he would die. At the time, rescuing this random demigod was the right thing to do, but looking back, if you had just let him be trampled by the contents of Tartarus, it would have fixed a lot of your problems. Instead you opened the gates to Camp Jupiter and let him in.

-Both of you stood beyond the gates, which were made out of some solid metal that the Trivia kids had installed. They had never disclosed what it was that vaporized the monsters the second they touched it. You should probably check in with that, now that you think about it. 

-Perseus had made quite the fuss when the first cohort and the praetors showed up, making giant hands out of one of the rivers that ran along the edge of the city and then being introduced by a god. He took it all in his stride, and even had the nerve to back-talk Octavian [something you’d never admit to wanting to do yourself]. 

-You hated him immediately.

-Well, maybe not hate, hate was a strong word for simple feelings. You would just rather if Percy [he had corrected the use of his name immediately. You were grateful. Perseus was a stupid name.] had a bit more respect for the way Camp Jupiter worked, and stopped teaching the younger soldiers swear words during meal times. 

-A few days into his stay, he approached you in one of the large canvas tents set up. You’d been mapping out which of the hills you were going to use as a base in the next war game with Dakota, when he tripped on his shoelaces and righted himself, grinning at both you and Dakota. 

-Apparently he wanted to thank you for not leaving him out the border to fight off the army of monsters on his tail, and volunteered to help out on your team during the war games in return.

-You told him you would consider once he learnt to tie his shoelaces properly.

-You’d then assumed that would be the last of it, thankfully, [although for some reason you’d scan the fifth cohorts section sometimes for a mess of black hair, but you were just trying to keep the younger soldiers vocabulary appropriate. Obviously.] and spent the rest of the day taking poisonous bows and quivers off the children of Mercury, and explaining to the daughter of Pluto that she wasn’t allowed to ‘have a go at summoning a horse skeleton for funsies’.

-Reyna marched between the canvas tents with her metal dogs, barking instructions and sending out a few Helios kids and legacies as medics.

-Ten minutes before the game officially started, when the opposite side were posted up too far away to see their silhouettes on the mountain ridge, and the children of Mars were untying the war elephant from its posts and readying it for battle, Percy burst back into the tent. One of the leopards getting a spiked collar attached to its neck growled, but settled back down when Dakota spoke sharply to it. Lavinia went to shoo Percy out, but something about the easy grin on his lips made you wave a hand, and Lavinia went back to instructing the Vulcan children. 

-Percy ran to you, and in quite the untimely fashion, kicked one of his feet up onto the battle plans, mud and dirt smearing across the maps and charts. Before you could yell at him, you spotted his shoes. 

-“How’s that for being allowed to fight?” Somehow, in the few hours he’d had spare, Percy had acquired a pair of purple velcro sneakers. 

-You stood there for a moment, and then narrowed your eyes at him, folding your arms as well, just to make your point. “If you left Camp Jupiter I will have to report you, you know that, right?”

-He just smirked. “You like me too much. And don’t worry, I traded Octavian's diary for them, some Venus legacy guy had a spare pair. Purple isn’t really my color, but watch!”

-Thankfully, he took his feet off the table, but a moment later he was running across the cramped tent, and threw his arms out for balance as small wheels popped out of the soles of his shoes. A coat of shields crashed to the floor, and the leopard in the corner jumped to its feet and scampered out. Someone yelled and Percy proceeded to spin in a circle and then slip and fall.

-For the first time, you became annoyed that your reflexes were so good, because Percy was sprawled out in your arms, which were under his, keeping him from becoming impaled by a stray electric spear. You held your breath for as long as you could, pulling your expression into one blank of emotions, but then you couldn’t hold it any longer. 

-You laughed.

-Pery turned around, pulling his shirt down and skidding a little on the floor. His green eyes you only just noticed were the same shade as the lake near the stables were wide, and he was slack jawed. 

-Your stomach started to hurt as you giggled, “what?”

-“You can laugh!”

-“Of course I can laugh, Perseus, I am a person.”

-“I didn’t know you could laugh. And it’s Percy, don’t make fun of me.”

-You went back to glaring at him quickly, and he visibly dulled. You just rolled your eyes and began brushing mud dewy grass of the battle plans. He peeked over your shoulder, hair tickling your neck, so you planted one of the little markers Dakota liked to use to show where people would be patrolling. 

-Percy pouted, and you quickly looked away from his mouth [why were you even looking at his mouth?], “can’t I be the horse?”

-“The Pluto girl is the horse, she’s making sinkholes along the tracks to our base, trying to dilute the flow of soldiers. You can be the dog, it’s cute.”

-“You think I’m cute?”

-His smile when he said that was in fact, cute, but you didn’t tell him that. Instead you picked up another of the little coloured markers, and moved it to where you’d initially put the dog. “Fine, you can be the toucan, because you’re an imbecile.” 

-“No wait, I wanna be the dog now... And what did toucans ever do to you?” 

»»————-　★　————-««

-You became quite accustomed to the sound of smooth clicking, a scrape, and then Percy yelping and bumping into the back of you over the next few days. 

To the north, beyond the gods, lies the legion's crown. 

Falling from ice, the son of Neptune shall drown.

-You didn’t see him off. 

-You knew it wasn’t polite, the entirety of the army stood on the shore as Percy, the Pluto girl, and the boy who cared for the war elephant waved them off. But you stayed at your post by the border instead, watching cloud animals and pretending not to see someone sinking to their death in each one.

-But the army didn’t sit with him at every meal because technically, you were a superior and didn’t have an assigned legion, you had just usually sat with Reyna or Jason. You’d eat the breads and nuts and fruits the satyrs and harpies brought while Percy ate everything in sight that was even slightly blue. 

-The army wasn’t given a daisy chain as a crown when you showed Percy through the gardens, the trees and flowers acting as borders to the paths leading across the city in the direction of the universities and shops. The army didn’t find an old basketball in the weapons shed and learn to play with Percy, because he couldn’t remember playing before, but he was good. 

-The army didn’t sneak him into the stables because really you weren’t allowed but somehow the rearing black stallions calmed him when his breathing got too fast and uneven. 

-The army didn’t sit at the edge of the river bed while he ducked under and splashed around like a happy duckling. That stopped when the prophecy was first spoken. Percy skirted around puddles on the last day.

»»————-　★　————-««

-There was blood. Lots of it. Smoke wafting from the scattered fires and screams piercing the muggy air. 

-You held your weapon tightly in your hand, back to back with Dakota as he brandished a baseball bat wound tight with thorny vines that curled and writhed like snakes. 

-Monsters crawled over the mountain ridge in waves, at least half of them squashed by the giant stomping in circles and roaring, creating miniature earthquakes with each step. Alcyoneus was forty feet tall, his skin a metallic sort of color that shone like the sun Helios was bringing into the middle of the stormy sky. 

-The fifth legion ran into places, maps and diagrams you’d drilled into them, finally being put to use as they worked effortlessly. The war elephant had doubled, somehow, and both charged at the violent giant currently ripping the roof off the stables, knocking him sideways.

-For a short moment, you assumed maybe a finger had been cut off from the monster, as a bronze sort of color streaked across the horizon, but then it came to a stop in front of Lavinia, who was dragging an unconscious demigod across the battlefield in the direction of the hidden medic base by the university. 

-Hazel, the Pluto girl [you’d finally learnt her name] sat atop a stallion, her cavalry helmet over her curly hair. You made eye contact, and her shoulder sunk, but you weren’t sure if it was with relief or disappointment. You couldn’t see her expression from across the bloodstained distance, but you could see the blue harpy foaming at the mouth behind her, talons outstretched. 

-You turned to Dakota, but he was already kneeling a little, bracing himself as you stepped on one of his hands, and then he launched you forwards and up, up into the smokey air filled with screams and wails. 

-Time slowed a little as you positioned yourself, wind whipping your eyes and making them sting. Hazel ducked as you flipped over her and landed on the Harpies back, rolling it away and further down the hill. Talons raked your cheek, and you whacked it over the head, hard.

-The bronze streak was gone already. Somehow the horse was running vertically up the side of the giant, and then began circling its neck.

-The sleeve of your purple shirt was ripped free and you held it to your face, the deep cuts dripping down your neck and already staining your skin in dark red blotches. Pain prickled, but you felt a chill down your spine, and by the time you had turned, the horned snake’s jaw was already unhinged, fangs dripping with something dark and oily and ready to bite.

-Your heart slowed, or maybe it sped up, all you knew was that it was the only thing you could hear.

-You held your arms in front of your scratched up face and tried to roll, but the snake's tail was already heavy across you, pining you to the blood stained cobblestone ground. You reached for where your weapon had been lost in the wrestle a moment before, but then there was a dragged out squelching sound and a ‘shing’. 

-The snake froze, and then its head slipped off its body, landing by Percy’s feet.

-He launched forwards as quickly as the snake had, only he pulled you from the cocoon of scales, panting. Your hands shook, and Percy’s eyes widened when he spotted the splatter of blood on your neck, his face going pale.

-You shook your head weakly, “just my cheek, it’s not bad.”

-He nodded, and then you were once again wrapped up tightly, this time by Percy’s arms. You noticed vaguely that he was actually pretty buff, but then you felt your eyes prickle with emotion.

-He stepped back quickly, ducking his head, “sorry, I..”

-“You didn’t drown.”

- “I technically did but it’s all good now-” 

-You cut him off with another hug, your face buried in his shoulder, probably covering him in your own blood as well, but Percy didn’t seem to mind when he hugged you back, chest heaving. You sniffed, trying not to cry, hands tight around his hoodie, “you smell like incense and hay.”

-“That, yeah that explains a lot of it actually.”

-“You don’t get to go on another quest without me, that’s an order.”

-“Yes please.”

»»————-　★　————-««

[mikakuna]

Hey! This is the music anon again! I was wondering if you had any jayroy fic recs? Or, given your latest post lol, only child Jay fic recs (or even JUST Jay and dick as Bruce’s kids fic recs) and if not that, then, an au where Jason didn’t pick up the mantle/was convinced not too, and is living his civilian life. I’ve read rara Avis by zoeleo already lol, Idk if you read that one?

omg hey!! i have a few fic recs for what you'd like to see but honestly i'm lacking a bit in jayroy! i'll link the ones that i rlly enjoyed tho <3 and alsooo the only-child jason fics are all set during his childhood sadly, so i don't have any where he's an adult and still bruce's only child :(

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48627046/chapters/122658637

When Batman rescues a twelve-year-old boy from a sex-trafficking ring, he ultimately makes the decision to look after him for a few days, feeling responsible for his current condition. Revealing his identity to the boy is the logical next step. Building trust was important, and Bruce needed Jason to trust him. There’s one slight problem with Bruce’s plan. Due to the effects of the Joker Venom, Jason doesn’t remember anything about meeting Batman, let alone Bruce Wayne. In Jason’s eyes, he’s been trafficked. And the man who brought him is none other than Bruce himself.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29237001/chapters/71790027

Jason’s background as a victim of abuse and childhood homelessness means it’s hard for him to trust, and to ask for things. After only a couple months in the manor, he still isn’t sure about Bruce Wayne.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/575182

When Bruce brings a new child home to the manor, Dick has a few choice words for Bruce about making him Robin. Convinced that Jason needs a stable loving family more than he needs a crime-fighting outlet, Bruce, Dick, and Alfred take on the challenge of bringing Jason up as civilian while still keeping their caped careers a secret.

Or: Bruce Wayne is a Good Dad, Dick Grayson is a Great Brother, Alfred is the Best Grandpa, and Jason is smol. Tooth-rotting fluff ahoy. (i'm linking this even though you read it for people who haven't yet! also i never read the ones with tim in it but those are a lot later in the series so don't worry, it's still jason and bruce centric)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26730145/chapters/65210116

Jason Todd was kidnapped at nine-years-old and given two options. Work for his keep, or be forced to to work for his keep.

His life was not pleasant, but Jason was nothing if not a fighter, and dammit if was he going to let the hell around him kill who he was as a person. Or his dreams of growing up and going to college.

Those dreams suddenly came a little more into focus, when his idiot of a pimp accidentally tried to rent him to Bruce Wayne. Poor bastard could have never guessed he was the Batman himself. Heck, not even Jason figured that out, at first. And Batman had practically adopted him. (i loved this so much)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49876537

Jason doesn't die at the hands of the Joker. There are a couple of things he and Bruce might need to work through.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55020211

“You will fix this,” Alfred corrects him. “You will fix this, and let Master Jason know that you don’t care about his sexual orientation, that it changes nothing. That you were mistaken in what you said to him. That you certainly didn’t mean to imply that you thought any less of him for his choice in reading.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637476/chapters/54102781

Batman makes it in time to save Robin from the bomb. He doesn't make it in time to save Jason from the Joker.

Or Batman is too late in every universe, but Bruce Wayne doesn't have to be.

+ jayroy:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1328723

i've linked this one in a previous rec list but basically, this is an au series where jason escapes an abusive relationship and meets roy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004014

It was just dinner with family. A family large enough to be an independent militia, but that was all. Nothing serious.

Lian disagreed. (one of my fav crack fics!!)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52945642

a fic where the bats find out, one by one, that jason and roy are dating!

i really don't have much for jayroy since i'm pretty picky when it comes to jason fics and ship fics in general, but i'll reblog this if i find any others that i enjoy! in the meantime, hopefully these are some new fics for you to read!!

[misc-obeyme]

I when to the mall another day with all my friend,and I tried on all the skirts in the store and none of them fix me

(my hips where too big :( ) I felt so sad and I told one of my friends

Could you do the brothers when mc tell them that they feel sad for not having any of the skirts fit them

Hello there, anon!

I went ahead and just did "clothes" in general, I hope that's okay. I wanted to keep things as neutral as possible.

I personally have a lot of OPINIONS about body image stuff, so I tried to keep that out of it lol. There's more focus on finding clothes that do fit and how the brothers might try to cheer you up.

Thank you for the request!

GN!MC tells the bros they're sad about not finding clothes that fit.

Warnings: some body image discussion, but not much, it's mostly fluff as usual

Lucifer

MC, you needn’t fret about such things. Don’t you realize there are several demons here that would make excellent clothes for you that will fit perfectly?

Will direct you to Barbatos first, but he has several suggestions. Lucifer isn’t exactly a fashionista, but he does care about his appearance. He’s picky about clothes and wants things that are high quality. As such, he knows where to get the kind of clothing you want and who to contact should it need tailoring.

He’s solution oriented so he’s going to start out with all of this sort of thing. But if you’re more interested in comfort than practicality, you’ll have to hint at it. He’ll pick it up immediately and switch tactics.

While he appreciates when you dress nicely, he tells you clearly that it doesn’t matter what you wear. You captivate him with your shining soul and your sweet smile. If you’re really feeling down about it, he’ll wrap his arms around you and kiss the top of your head, too. Not one for tender moments most of the time, but he makes exceptions for you.

Mammon

Immediately takes you shopping. You just need him with you, of course! He’ll find you multiple amazing outfits that will fit you perfectly. He knows all the shops and all the latest trends. Gotta keep up on this stuff when you’re a model, right?

Lets you pick out a few things for him, too. But mostly he’s ready to spend all his Grimm making you look and feel good. (Best not to ask where that Grimm came from, though. Ignorance is bliss in this case.)

You don’t really have to get him to comfort you because he’s telling you how amazing you look the entire time you’re shopping. But later, after you’ve brought all your purchases back to the House of Lamentation, let him know how much this meant to you. Tell him that you were feeling sad and insecure.

He’s blushing of course. And he’s going to bluster a little at first. C’mon, MC, he knows you’re appreciative of the Great Mammon treatin' ya! But he’s also gonna give you a hug because you obviously need one. Might get a little soft and genuine on you, too. He wants you to know that you’re perfect in every outfit you choose to wear.

Leviathan

Oh? You tried on some clothes that didn’t fit? Well, MC, who cares about normie clothes! He’s got a whole closet of cosplay that he made specifically for you and you can be sure that everything fits just right.

After overcoming the embarrassment he feels confessing this, he has a cosplay photo shoot with you in his room. Hypes you up like crazy while snapping pictures of you from every angle. You look so cute in all these different outfits! He’s so happy to see you in them!

Doesn’t like it when you’re sad, so he’s doing his best to cheer you up. If you’re still struggling, he’ll probably try to distract you with video games or anime.

Levi is not completely oblivious to your feelings and he cares about you, so he works up the courage to ask you if you want a hug. Say yes and he’ll wrap himself around you. He’ll tell you how much you mean to him - it’s a little easier when he’s not making eye contact but he still stutters a little when he says it.

Satan

Perplexed. Why would you be sad about clothes not fitting? Just buy some that do? Listen, this guy has zero fashion sense and he can be overly practical. He doesn’t quite understand so you might have to explain it to him.

He does realize that even if it makes no sense to him, you are sad about it and that is something he takes issue with. He wants you to let it all out. Don’t hold back, MC. Frustrated? Go ahead and yell about it, he’ll listen to every word. Sad? You can cry on his shoulder as long as you need to.

Satan probably knows an unfortunate amount about the history of making clothes and textiles. So if you’re in the mood to listen to him for a while, go ahead and ask him about it.

Otherwise you know he’s going to want to bring you to a cat café. It always makes him feel better and the cats don’t care about what you’re wearing. Trust him on this. Some kitty cuddles and a snack will take your mind off things.

Asmodeus

MC. You must know by now that this is his area of expertise. Why would you ever worry about some human world clothes that don’t fit right? He is here to make sure you always look fabulous.

Doesn’t even need to take you shopping because he already has a closet full of clothes that he bought for you. Of course he knows your size, so everything fits. Tell him what you were looking for and he’ll have it already, possibly in multiple colors.

Asmo also understands that there is likely a body image issue causing some of your sad feelings. That’s not something you’ll be able to work through in one night, but he’s going to talk it over with you while he does your hair or nails (or both).

Why not let him take you out to a party? You both look amazing and he would love to turn heads with you on his arm. He has many fans, but he’s a fan of you and he wants to show you off. Won’t hesitate to hold you close for the rest of the night - his soft touch brings you comfort.

Beelzebub

He gets it. He’s a big demon, they don’t always make clothes his size. But don’t worry, you’ll just have to look elsewhere for stuff that does fit. He’s happy to take you shopping if you’d like to try again.

He’s going to let you know that it doesn’t matter. Says it pretty bluntly, too. You’re just right the way you are, MC. You don’t need to be sad about this. He’s going to give you a bear hug and won’t let go until you say you’re feeling better.

Now of course he’s going to suggest going out to eat. Having some of your favorite foods is a great way to cheer up. Plus you know watching him eat is always fun. Somehow this outing really does make you feel better.

If you’re still feeling down, he will enlist the assistance of brothers that are a little more clothes savvy than he is. But if you just want him to comfort you, Beel will be more than happy to hold you as long as you like.

Belphegor

What? You’re sad that some clothes didn’t fit? You know that if clothes don’t fit, it’s because there’s something wrong with the clothes and not you, right? You just need to shop at a better store, MC.

Realizes that the human world has weird ideas about body image and clothes manufacturing, but doesn’t know enough about it. Just tells you to shop in the Devildom from now on. Anything that doesn’t fit can be altered. He knows at least three demons who can do that for you.

Anyway, he’s pretty sure Asmo already has a bunch of clothes for you. Nothing you could get in the human world could possibly compare to that selection. So don’t worry about it, okay?

More than happy to cuddle with you if that will make you feel better. Just know that he’s probably going to fall asleep with his arms wrapped around you. You might find yourself drifting off, too. If you do, you’ll have a pleasant dream that will leave you in a good mood when you wake up.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[twstbookclub]

Petals of Poison

TW: Blood and major character death/s

Summary: Hanahaki Disease. Taking innocent, unrequited love and crushing the life of the unfortunate. This is not a happy story. Don't expect a good ending. POV: 2nd Pronouns: Gender neutral Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Epel Felmier, hanahaki disease, star tear disease, heavy angst Word count: 2,958

Being 100% truthful... I cried writing this, and I got super depressed after lol. I've never done Hanahaki disease as a trope but I've read about it. I've only heard about Star Tear disease and it's very rare to use, but it's a sister trope to Hanahaki.

The person afflicted with Star Tear will cry stars, and slowly become blind, but it isn't like Hanahaki where the affected goes back to normal. No. The person keeps the damage.

I hope you all enjoy this Epel angst and trust me, this is still pretty light, even with a character death. This one didn't take me too long but it took a lot of planning and adding, truly one of my proudest works.

Petals of red carnations and aster spilled onto Epel’s hand on such a bright morning, the sun shining through his windows and lighting up his room beautifully. His face looked shocked and panicked, but he wasn’t in an urge to figure out what was wrong. He dropped the petals out of his hand and saw a small splatter of blood in his palm, but once again, no immediate reaction. He only sighed and got ready for his morning.

It was never like this, but not uncommon to one’s knowledge, either. In this world, magic and myth were big things, and the Isle of Sages was no stranger. Recently, the town had been talking about cases of victims who had recently passed away due to unnatural causes. Unnatural, being that their lungs were filled with roots and flowers, marking their deaths as undetermined in autopsy reports. 

Rumors had been circulating that these victims were in love with others, but never received the love back, then were found dead just days later with the same scenes as the others. The Isle began to find death as common as finding a penny on the ground, but still as tragic as ever for these young lives. Epel could be the next.

He did have someone he loved, but being in the same year as you meant nothing. You barely looked at him, only hung out together when he was invited, and you were completely out of his league. Not even close.

This had started months ago. Epel had met you at the mirror chamber on orientation day, and he became pretty curious. You weren’t from this world, yet you looked like you fit right in, too. You were quiet and confused, which he found interesting, but he would only see you from afar for now.

He was finally able to get close to you, but his attention was easily taken when Deuce started calling him a girl. At that moment, he heard your laugh. It was a beautiful sound that he had no idea would bless his ears the way it did.

One day, you came into the Pomefiore dorm, catching them teaching him about proper tea etiquette and rules. When Rook corrected him, he quickly grew embarrassed and stuttered slightly before fixing himself, hoping that you hadn’t seen him mess up. He didn’t need you to not find him able. He wanted you to like him.

Coming back from winter break, Epel hadn’t stopped thinking about you for any moment of the day. He began to doubt if you liked him, especially after seeing him mess up during classes and after-school clubs. As soon as he arrived back, he was met with more flight training and prim etiquette.

He was running through campus while trying to run away from his housewarden and vice-housewarden, not exactly caring where he was running. Suddenly, Epel felt a hard chest and fell over with a loud wham to the ground. He could only sniffle and rub his head from the pain. When Epel looked up, he saw your eyes on him in concern, and he felt himself become frozen, frustrated with himself about the situation before him. 

Deuce offered to help him, but Epel looked away and mumbled “dagnabit” under his breath. The other first-year grew confused and repeated what Epel had said, but Felmier felt embarrassed for looking so pathetic in front of you. Before Deuce knew it, Epel ran off and disappeared just as quickly as he appeared.  You were left with confusion and questions but didn’t pay much attention to it once he was gone. 

Once he was gone and in a place where one could see him, he felt a slight clog in his throat and coughed, surprised to see a few petals of aster and white carnations fall onto the ground at his feet. “Flowers? What in the…” He whispered with a confused tone, and he didn’t know where this had even come from. 

Soon, he was singing to practice for the Song and Dance Championship behind some bushes, but he coughed and sighed when he couldn’t reach enough, causing some small petals to spill onto the grass. When he heard the voices of others, he perked up and turned around, his eyes landing on you. 

Did you hear that? Oh, for the love of the Seven, please tell me you didn’t hear that.

You only stared at him as he interacted with your friends, but the thought of you finding him in such a pathetic scene lingered in his mind. He didn’t need you to look at him and laugh, especially not after everyone else found him cute and small. After witnessing how his housewarden kicked the asses of the other first years, Epel took a glance at you before being dragged away into more practice.

As soon as he entered the door to Pomefiore, he covered his mouth and coughed up more petals, the sound grabbing the attention of Vil and a few others who were in the lounge. Aster and… Red carnations. This one was new, but his heart did ache. It ached with a pain that poked in his chest, yet the bright red mixed with the purple and pink petals of aster felt comforting.

He felt something for you. He knew you probably wouldn’t like someone as pathetic and hard-driven as he was, not with this small body and cute face. He couldn’t get his hopes up.

Epel had caught himself coughing these petals now and then, but on rare occasions, a few of them had blood spots, nothing too concerning. At the same time, more and more cases of citizens being found dead, surrounded by flowers and roots, were becoming big online. Everyone made this phenomenon have a name, Hanahaki Disease, and it was spreading like wildfire. 

No one could figure out its symptoms. Other’s tried, but would get shut down about their theories. One person, at least every week, was in the headlines about this. Police thought it was a serial killer laying down his victims in a beautiful way, and citizens thought it was karma towards the person who died.

Epel’s symptoms only got worse the more you were around him and looked at him. You spoke to him in such a kind way, treating him as your friend. He noticed that your uniform and face had different sizes and colors of stars. He found it cute and it suited you, at least in his eyes.

Right. Only a friend.

He kept his feelings hidden, and it was only right. Epel knew the situation, and he was okay with it. You didn’t belong in this world in the first place, nothing wrong there. He had a life and family waiting for him in his hometown. He had to get over this.

But the world gave him no time.

Crowley had summoned everyone to the mirror chamber to bid you farewell. You were leaving. No warning. No time. Something felt wrong, and Epel ran to be able to hug you first. Everyone surrounded you two after that. 

Epel heard a twinkling sound, so he looked at you and noticed how small stars were on your cheeks. He was confused, what was even happening? He noticed these stars before, but they came from your eyes this time? He couldn’t ask, not before Crowley had to break it up before the portal closed.

As you looked at everyone one more time, “Come back here soon!” Epel screamed, making everyone slowly begin to agree with him. Then, you left. That was it. Your presence was there, but not your body or soul.

It was a moment of sorrows and grief, which only equaled to Epel coughing up blood-spattered petals of marigolds and purple hyacinth flowers into a napkin. He could tell that this was getting worse, but what in the world could he even do?

Epel spent that night trying to distract himself by researching everything he could about this Hanahaki Disease, coughing up occasional petals. He had found a few stories of victims who survived the disease, reading about how the symptoms stopped after they got together with the person that they loved. 

Reading more about how it got worse if one believed that the other didn’t like them back, but after a certain point, even thinking about the person they loved made the symptoms dire. There was no natural cure, at least not from what was written, but Epel did find something.

Surgery.

Getting surgery to make it go away. 

No.

That’s all Epel needed to read. He wanted nothing else about that subject to come up. It was absurd, even for the most desperate of people. Brain surgery to make the symptoms go away, but you’d forget about all the feelings you felt for the person. He could never, not when it was about you. 

Suddenly, he became curious. The scene from earlier crossed his mind.

Why does someone cry stars?

He searched it up, but… Nothing. Unknown. Sites to just people boasting about how their tears have the sparkle of stars, but it wasn’t the same. You had the shape of stars coming out of your eyes, and they were beautiful.

Epel sighed and shut his phone off. He didn’t need to see anything else for the rest of the night.

For a few weeks, the campus was in an awkward atmosphere due to your leaving, but soon enough, everyone began going back to normal. Not Epel, though. He missed you the most when he sat on his bed after school. He constantly thought about how you could be doing and wondered if you were ever thinking of him. 

He began to smile while thinking about you, remembering every moment he did get to save with you. His birthday, campus traditions, especially being there to watch him perform for the Song and Dance Championship. Thinking about everything made him suddenly gag and the next thing he knew, a pool of blood and different petals were at his feet.

His eyes were wide, but he vomited more blood, less petals. The puddle was red but cluttered with red and white carnations, mixes of purple and pink aster, yellow daffodils, and violet-blue salvia. This was the worst that his condition had gotten. Epel fell back and clutched his chest, trying to breathe silently but with enough force to get himself back on track. It was a silent night after that.

Time would come to take their youth, and before any of the first years knew it, it was graduation day. The day was bright and looking pretty on a day like that, and it kind of made the day better.

The ceremony had gone well, with old students coming back to congratulate and celebrate with the other students, and professors even admitting that they’d miss some students.

After all celebrations were over though, Epel stayed on the campus grounds, standing at the well that caused him the most time with you. He simply stared down the well, letting the sunset almost blind his vision. One memory of you caused a loud cough and blood to spill from his mouth, petals following after. 

It hurt. The pain grew worse than ever before. He’d rather suffer than forget the love he felt for you. His body was falling, faltering to keep itself up, and he landed on his back against the ground.

“The love I feel for you… Is so beautiful, but—” He whispered, petals of sweet peas falling from the sides of his mouth now as his coughs got shorter and harsher. “I can’t breathe.”

Epel could only clutch his chest as he tried to find the proper breathing pattern. He looked up at the sky and wiped the excess blood from his mouth. He smiled. Like he always did when he thought of you.

Epel could cry. He could feel it. You were so close. Just a little farther.

The sounds of struggling became quieter, and a bed of flowers grew. Cyclamens, sweet peas, heliotropes, white carnations, crimson roses, forget-me-nots, and black roses all grew from the ground. Its roots and vines surrounded the body of a recently graduated boy, who simply loved someone that he knew he couldn't have.

Epel looked like a charming prince with how peaceful he looked.

The world was cruel. Too cruel even.

Those young adults, now grown up, were gathered in a reserved restaurant. They all stood up when they heard the door, Silver bringing you in.

You carried a white cane and carefully moved it around, your eyes staring forward with occasional blinks. Everyone knew the situation, but there was still a tension that you could feel by just sensing it.

Your irises were close to white but had a faint hue of your original eye color. You were blind. You had explained to everyone before that you had “Star Tear Disease”, which explained why you cried stars when you left the world of Twisted Wonderland that day.

It was rare. Only a few had it, and you were the unlucky one that did. You could feel everyone's eyes on you, but you smiled nonetheless. It had been years since you had last been with the boys, and you were quite excited to meet them again.

“I'm fine, guys. It's just a little impairment, but I'm still me.”

The room stayed quiet, and slowly, one by one, they all came up to let you touch their faces and reintroduce themselves. Ace tried making you laugh by contorting his face, but you hit his shoulder. “Hey! Quit that. I'll pull your ear if you keep doing it.”

Goofball as always.

Once everyone had a turn, you felt weird. Someone was missing, and you slowly made your way around the table. An empty chair.

“Who's missing?” You asked, clutching the arm of the chair.

Silence once again. No one wanted to tell you, so you remembered everyone to figure it out.

Your body froze as you realized it, but you could feel your heart drop. “Epel.”

Tension grew in the room again and you could hear a sigh, then followed by Leona. “He's dead.”

Whispers with the others calling out Leona for saying it, but he simply grew irritated with their lack of sense. “Oi, what the hell are we supposed to do, eh? Keep it from them? They're blind for Seven's sake!”

“You didn't have to say it so bluntly—” Followed Lilia, not wanting everything to become a problem.

“All of you, shut up!” You yelled, the starry tears forming in your eyes as you clutched the chair harder, digging your nails into the wood.

Everyone went mute. You couldn't even believe it. 

“How...” You whispered, the sound of twinkling from your tears filling the eerily quiet room. “How did he die and when?”

Deuce stood from his chair this time. “On our graduation day. He died of some… illness called Hanahaki Disease.” 

Your world was crumbling. Hanahaki Disease. You heard of it in your world. It was made of fiction, but who knew it'd be turned into reality. The same could be said for Star Tear Disease, but you developed it here, and it followed you into your world.

You let out a few tears as you kept thinking, your arms practically wrapped around the chair. “Who was the cause? One of you knows.”

Vil spoke as he moved closer, trying to be careful with you. “That part isn’t necessary for you to know—”

“It was you. Vil told us all after he died.” The gruff voice from Malleus filled the room with those three words, and they somehow sounded painstakingly beautiful. Vil’s breathing pattern changed once the truth was revealed. You knew those words were true.

“... Take me to his grave.” You asked after a short moment of silence, sounding like you were pleading, so they took you.

Standing in front of it now, you gently touched the tomb, then the texture of the cement, until your hands touched the lettering.

“E P E L   F E L M I E R”

It had his dates, a small obituary, and designs of apple trees. It all felt cool to the touch. You could only imagine it, but then you remembered that you brought something.

A flower bouquet. Baby's breaths, blue salvia, lavender roses, and cyclamens were composed neatly, you could feel it. Anything for him, especially since he meant so much.

“Hey Epel…” You whispered, kneeling down in front of the tomb. You took a breath and it was already hard, the disease making your eyes sting. “You know, you're the only one I didn't get to touch today.”

“I'm sure you look the same. You never changed.” You said with a smile, gently feeling the cold cement under your fingers. You heard his laugh in your ears, imagined his smile, and you felt a warmth on your hand. His warmth. You knew it.

At that moment, you began to cough really hard, blood spilling onto your hand and petals came out of your mouth. You were unfazed. You knew what this was. 

You set down the bouquet and moved to sit on top of his grave, leaning back against the tombstone as you felt a sharp pain around your ankles.

“Why didn't you tell me? I loved you too. That's unfair…” You whispered softly, feeling your eyes close as your breath struggled slightly.

“We could've survived together.” You said with a faint voice, your body becoming lifeless as your hands and ankles were tied down with vines.

Red roses, carnations, and aster grew on the vines. The twinkling of your tears filled the soundless cemetery, stopping with a drop of a star on your clothes.

[thebarontheabyss]

I am ashamed to say my taste hasn't changed since I was a teenager. I would have loved this if it was a paperback. But what I love about Interactive fiction is that I can control the narrative after sobbing for hours over stupid MCs in books who pissed me off so I actually really like this.

I simply wanted to say I hope you take care of yourself during the writing process. I noticed you are quite fast with updates and fixing errors and that's great but please don't overwork yourself. Such great books get canceled because talented people take on too much. Remember you are only human (which made me giggle writing because of the premise of this game)

I have questions:

1. Will you in future be making mood boards or maybe just more detailed descriptions of the ROs such as likes/dislikes or personality traits/esthetics?

2. You mentioned there will be sexual and romantic/poly options aswell. Is MCs sexual orientation gonna be an issue or talk point in any of the routes? I'm following a IF where if you are a same gender MC the topic comes up if it's new to a certain RO. which I think is cool if it's done well without all the hate and pitchforks from simple minded people.

3. As for asks is there anything you are uncomfortable answering? I know alot of pages do NSFW asks or prohibit them or do certain scenario asks (the what if/ reactions from RO asks)

I hope none of my questions are too much if it is just feel free to skip them please I don't want you to spoil too much if you would rather not.

My perspective on the romance options are that you are spoiling us. In the end it comes down to romancing:

1. Death which is like wtf I doubt it's in his usual routine to date.

2. Doing a devilish fboy route who you will try to fix and teach emotions. God knows we've all tried that in high school.

Or

My personal hell 3. A forbidden angsty make you want to tell your MC to get it tf together route aka try not to fall for someone with a pulse when you lack one.

I'm very invested in this. Seriously I adore fantasy games usually ones with a darker take but I love slice of life anime so this is the best of both worlds for me.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

First of all - THANK YOU for taking the time with this detailed response. I can't say how much i appreciate it! Before diving into your points I'll note on my quick progress with the story so far, I really get it! This story came to me after 6 years of being in writer's block, so it kind of feels like a dam has broken and this is the result lol. But I'm definitely taking care of myself - just that instead of playing Baldur's Gate 3 all day this is what I'm doing lol. Now to some answers! 1. I'll definitely will come up with a RO board in the near future, i was also wondering if I should use AI art for it but I am kind of new to this scene and really don't want the pitchforks my way so I haven't decided yet 2. As of now, instead of picking an actual orientation the player can just pick the genders of the romance options and then decide to themselves how they feel about them (with 3 romance options and 1 for friendship) i think that's the best way to include everyone. Also, want to add that each romance option will have 2-3 endings so romance or friendship paths can go in different ways. 3. Fine with answering everything! This story is currently not going to have explicit sexual content (but also not fade-to-black. I guess when I cross the bridge I'll decide) I will say that I'm going to update here often BUT don't want the tumblering to take over the actual writing process (as I see some of the creators here do lol) Happy to hear you are excited about the romances like i do! I also have thought of adding more, maybe even with the staff (although that's a minefield to navigate when you consider the power imbalances) I guess it will depend on the feedback. Again, thank you for this response. It made me smile like an idiot!

[reagan-the-saunders]

For the Orange Asks;

Vyeshna -🔥 🐦‍🔥

Drahireth - 🌇

Maevynn - 🦊

Zirya - 🦺

Viper - 🎇

👉👈

Oooooo yay! Thank you so much for the ask, I'd love to answer these!

Vyeshna:

There are a few things that motivate her to do... well... life lol.

First, it was rising through the Telvanni ranks, which still motivates her, but it was her life's goal to reach the top since that's what her and her parents wanted.

Then, it was being Nerevarine, which scared her at first, then was exhilarating, then scared her again and caused her an identity crisis as she tries to find the line between Nerevar and herself. Like forcing herself to get along with this new "inhabitant" of her body and mind.

Her main motivation though was her younger sister, Lyrandra. The only family she had left after the Sixth House murdered her parents. Lyrandra was basically her sole reason to fulfil the Nerevarine Prophecy and save Vvardenfell. When Lyrandra turned her back on her, that's when her strength was coming more from her worship of Azura, for a time, any friends she made have made along her journey, and just wanting to help people and break the "all Telvanni are ruthless bastards who care only for their self" mould.

As of now, all of her friends and especially Teldryn are her main drive to live her life. She was always family oriented and when all of that was ripped away from her for 200 years, it was painful to push herself to make her way through life, finding love and friendship again fixed that and made it easier for her.

Well, Vyeshna has dealt with a lot of physical and mental trauma through not only the prophecy, but everything that came after that. Her life before Nerevar was smooth, comfortable, and overall a really good life. Her family loved her, her studies and grades were good, she was a natural pyromancer and never once lit the house on fire.

After finding out she was the Nerevarine, the physical challenges of adventure were hard enough but she loved it. The really issues were, for one, having corprus disease. It stressed her out, she was worried she'd go mad or become warped until she was unrecognisable, but really, it only scarred her shoulder and back, but she was insecure about it for a long time. The scar over her eye was gained way later, during the fight with Dagoth Ur, when one of his claws got her in the face. She's completely blind in that eye and it took a while to adjust to that. Mentally, losing her family damn near ruined her mentally, not to mention dealing with the feeling that killing Dagoth Ur was like killing the best friend she never had. Overall, she was angry because despite saving Morrowind, she lost more than she gained.

Loneliness was quite the challenge she had to face up until Oblivion, when she, Kona, and Zirya saved Tamriel from the Oblivion Crisis. Watch Zirya and Kona's reactions to losing Martin hit her so hard, considering Zirya lost who she considered her best friend and who she was in love with, whereas Kona lost someone she viewed as the saviour of Tamriel, someone with practically her own blood in his veins, dragon blood. One took it personally, the other took it more religiously. It reminded her of how she took all of the losses in her life, and the way all of them affected her in one of the two ways she sees in Kona and Zirya. When the three decided to part ways, that loneliness crept back up on her with even more kick this time.

When she met Teldryn just before Skyrim took place and decided to hire him, she didn't know what to expect. She knew he wouldn't be the warmest company, but she was willing to try to become friends with just about anyone within reason at this point. When the two fell in love it took them by surprise, honestly. I'd say it was Vyeshna who fell first and Teldryn who fell harder. In public, they're a very serious couple. You could tell they're a couple by looking at them, but they really display huge amounts of affection in public. Alone, during the night, evening, and morning, or out in the wilderness is when they'll become the most tender with each other. They both love it that way, it gives them something to look forward to, especially after restraining themselves all day.

Overall, loneliness, physical body scars, and adjusting to pretty much having two people in your head were her biggest challenges.

Drahireth:

⚠️Warning For The Following: Madness, Trust Issues, Loss, Self Harm/Suicide, Murderous & Violent Thoughts & Actions.⚠️

Now, Drahireth prior to the Battle of Red Mountain would be very open minded and kind towards pretty much everyone. Sure, you'd need to earn her trust, but she's always willing to give everyone a chance to prove themself to her and maybe become her friend or associate.

Drahireth after The Battle of Red Mountain and after the Nerevarine Prophecy however, is a totally different story. She's willing to trust no one, it takes so much just to get her to consider trusting Vyeshna, especially after she killed her corrupted husband, Dagoth Ur once Voryn Dagoth, and the relationship between Ur and Drahireth is a story for another day. The only reason Drahireth listened to Vyeshna was because she knew her as Indoril Nerevar during his reign over Morrowind. She viewed him as a friend, and her leader. Drahireth's also completely mad, genius but mad. She has religious trauma, she has deranged speech patterns, her mannerisms are nothing but crazy, and she has murderous thoughts, tendencies, and uncontrollable urges to kill. The murderous thoughts and whatnot are mostly caused by her desire to harm herself and end her own life, but because she's immortal due to corprus disease, she can't, and instead takes her violence out on others and hurts them instead, even thought deep down there is a voice telling her what she is doing is wrong and that it isn't anyone else's fault that she's like this. Vyeshna convinces her to listen to that voice and that is what gains her trust.

During Drahireth's healing and as she slowly gains her sanity back, she grows to be really close to Vyeshna, closer than she ever was to Nerevar during his life. She became friends with most of the others Vyeshna travelled with, but Drahireth felt safe with Vyeshna. There's more on Drahireth I'm working on that I'll hopefully get to share soon.

Maevynn:

Despite the way she acts in a drunken stupor, Maevynn is very smart, smarter than she let's people think at first. She uses it to get ahead, get what she wants, and is always manipulating someone to gain the advantage. She's calculated, charismatic, willing to cast aside her morals, and is always ten steps ahead of everyone at any given moment.

Zirya:

Look, Zirya is cautious because someone has to be. Zirya is careful, thought out, and always thinks before she acts, whereas Rawli is always a leap before you look kind of guy, he's smart, but impulsive.

Zirya was raised to be cautious about everything and everyone, one because of the discrimination she faced being half altmer half imperial, and two because she grew up in Thalmor territory and her father was a resistance fighter against the Thalmor. Zirya also always had her family and friends to look out for, and especially after everything that went down in Cyrodiil, she had to be more cautious than ever.

Viper:

That depends, are we talking full restart or does she know what's going to happen and she just relives all of her memories but gets to play them out knowing what she wants to change? If it's the former, no, she'd want to stay right where she is. If it's the latter, still no, honestly because everything that has happened has shaped who she is as a person. Basically everything in her life has ended with it's worst possible outcome, but she wouldn't change it because it would be disrespectful to herself and everyone she cared about who she lost. She grew up with an argonian, and despite being an outcast and his people not caring one bit about him, he was devout in his argonian beliefs and always wanted to exist in the now. He always told Viper to never look back with regret but instead look forward and seek to make what lies ahead the best she could make it. Viper's father also never wanted her to live in sorrow and regret. Now that she knows who and what she is, he wants her to live to her fullest and let everything that's happened live in the past. Solaris even wanted her to not let his death push her away from anyone else who may try to love her the way he did. She wouldn't change anything about her life, but still regrets what has happened that she couldn't prevent.

There you haves it! Thank you for all the questions, these were fun to answer!

[pretentiousactress]

fallout 1 rant

god i hate trying to find content of other people also struggling with fallout 1 but all you can see in comments is just people shitting on the person struggling bc "lol skill issue you're supposed to find this thing in x y and z how do you not know" when A-there is a ONE HUNDRED PAGE MANUAL to the game that's just... a literal walkthrough in place of a proper in game tutorial. but this manual is stylized in it's writing, is a pain to realize exists (i only discovered it on accident bc i was in the game files trying to fix a bug), isn't scanned properly (several pages are the wrong orientation or just off), and long as hell. If you had the physical copy back in the day, it made sense, it was something to read and skim while on the ride home from the store and the game downloaded. B-the game is buggy as hell. Some quests or obvious dialogue are broken bc of bugs C-piss poor in-game direction for the player. you NEED to have read the manual to get the most out of the game, or even play. i feel like the game relies on that so much to do it's heavy lifting the game itself suffers for it, in a way.

I'm really struggling with quests bc the quest tracker is shit. Local area maps gives you no info other than like.... a vague floor plan. The game wants you to barter with some random NPCs that aren't merchants at times just bc they want you to encounter the function.... but barter is slapped onto everyone, even when they have nothing. Choose the wrong stats or anything in the beginning? you're shit out of luck make someone new. Exploring a dungeon is exhausting bc lootable objects blend into the background.

Some stuff i've only discovered by chance, either in game or someone mentioning it in passing, or watching a streamer play the game and see him interact with stuff. You literally cannot play this game without some sort of outside help LMAO. if you could, congrats!

i've finally found a proper walkthrough i think that will finally help me. It tells info straight forward. My first time playing i couldn't even leave the vault without dying bc of bad resources bc of my bad build. I personally HATE builds and crafting one, so since then i've just tried only following examples. I think i eventually got out before but then I also couldn't figure out how to enter a location bc NOTHING WOULD SAY just click the lil green triangle in the game when you enter the green bubble (and even later when i tried looking up help). I've gotten the farthest i've ever gotten recently, after finally figuring out how to enter locations but god my own brain suffers from its own pitfalls. Took me forever to figure out how to even enter vault 15. reading dialogue HURTS bc my eyes strain against the saturated green text on dark green for so long. thats not just a this game issue tho it's also a problem for me in modern fallout games if the text is too saturated i will not read terminals and i try to spend the least amount seeing it. Also not a fan of the fat jokes against one npc but it's a product of its time and just another me problem.

sucks hard bc i really want to like the game but with everything compounded makes it such a boring slog other than like... the few easter eggs and fun encounters i came across traveling between towns. I'll probably end up relying on watching Jabo's playthrough of it but im gonna give it one last go. properly adjusted setting from the start and properly following a walkthrough. not gonna patch the game with a fan patch just bc i dont care about it enough to put in the effort LMAO

hopefully i can eventually enjoy the game properly myself this way on my final attempt. I wanna like the game and have fun so bad but i might just have to accept it's not for me.

jesus im glad i never actually streamed playing this game bc i would have just felt so insecure with all my struggling and it doesn't help just how *mean* fans of old fallout are. Not all of them, but it's sad how it seems like the nice ones are the minority.

i just hate struggling in games if i'm the only one playing. I'm happy to struggle with others in a multiplayer. struggling on my own is what i already do irl im not dealing with that shit in a game that's helping me escape lmao

as shitty as bethesda games can be, they worked several miracles getting fallout into a format that's just far more accessible, easier to get started and understand, and still make sense. Bethesda know best how to make a genre of a game just... more casual and easier to digest. Not everyone's cup of tea, sure, esp depending on the genre (not a lot of people like starfield but i love it. a lot of people love most space games and i hate them LMAO). New Vegas, everyone's beloved, i don't think would have been loved by so many if it wasn't bethesda general easy to consume format with og fallout creators (tho maybe just fallout 2). best of both worlds.

if bethesda didn't snatch up the IP, fallout would have died in the 90s LMAO. but sadly, i just think a lot of people would have preferred that. it is what it is. people be wildin.

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi! I've been reading a lot of your naruhina fic recs (+ lost and found and ofc your own naruhina fics). You're one of those people who introduced me to the naruhina rabbit hole (which I've completely forgotten since 2018 where I started pinning for this OTP). Idk if this was asked already but can you recommend me some Naruhina Hanahaki Au or stories where Hinata is sick/ Hinata is struggling with her one sided love with Naruto? Whatever works for you would be fine but I love reading more hanahaki au of Naruhina where Hinata struggles to hide her pain towards Naruto or something... It's a lot of fun to read them (tho seriously I'm not good with some heavy angst but still :P). Thank you! I seriously love your stories (tho I haven't read ALL of them but still!), you are one of those great Naruhina Author and Influencer (lol!) in Tumblr.

Hello! I'm glad that you're enjoying the fanfic recs!!!!!! I've spent hours on answering those 😅. Also, I'm honored to be one of the ones to introduce you to this rabbit hole?! And that you enjoy my fics!!!! 💖💖💖 You're laying the praise on thick here...going so far as to say "influencer" doesn't sound right...I feel more like an "observer" tbh who sometimes posts stuff. I have yet to see anyone actually "influenced" by me.

Someone has asked this before, so I'll copy-paste because it's the same still:

The only other NaruHina hanahaki au that I know of is

🌻 “Sunflowers” by @happyocelot - Rated T, Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. Hinata had a theory. Sunflowers needed warmth and light and brightness to grow, naturally orienting themselves to the sun. Sunflowers would burst forth from her lungs only in the presence of this one person, the embodiment of warmth and light and brightness. They never came out when she was cold and sad and gloomy. Only around him. The conclusions were obvious. 🌻

It's not really angsty, though. It's a different take on hanahaki from my fic.

And, within Naruto fandom in general, this SasuSaku fic inspired me, had me vibrating on it for a week, then sent me on a year-long rollercoaster ride after I read it:

🌸 “Medicine” by @grimmjowkurosakidrake - Rated T, Canon-Divergent AU, Two-shot. Sasuke falls sick on love and there’s no cure. 🌸

If anyone knows of other Hanahaki AUs within Naruto fandom, doesn’t have to be NaruHina for me, show me the GOOD STUFF.

And you can scroll through my #naruhina angst fanfic rec posts to find fics where Hinata's struggling with unrequited love.

Within Hinata's one-sided love, I think these are the angstiest:

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night.  Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it. Angst if you want to know what dying feels like warning.

“A Fate Worse than Death” by Caelestia - Rated M for smut, ABO Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto, improperly socialized and traumatized as a child, rejects his inner Alpha, which has devastating consequences on his family and marriage.  “A Risky Bet” is its fluffier follow-up.

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto and Hinata are married.  So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Mistake” by Cherry1315 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto falls apart, and, unfortunately, Hinata has to pick up the pieces.

“Jitters” by ncfan - Rated T, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. He has her heart but he doesn’t even know it. “The Red Umbrella” by ncfan - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. As the rain hits her, Hinata thinks about what she doesn’t have, and what she’ll never have now.

[justanotherfanfolks]

Twisted Wonderland Main Story Scattered Thoughts (Prologue Chapter 3-5)

Sad boi bgm is playing! Feeling bad for Grim, he's experiencing the disrespect. Riddle is team cat for Grim. Azul… stop being weird. This dude has clearly been trying to strike a deal with Riddle for a while. Yuu’s calling Grim an it! Yuu, don’t be rude! CROWLEY WHAT DO YOU MEAN SPARED FROM BEING SERVED AS DINNER! Grim probably took a lot of disrespect before. I’m imagining the student body just being the monkey puppet meme after watching that. NOOO MALLEUS! I remember him wondering why everyone was in their ceremonial robes in the vignettes, but he never cracked the case! One day he’ll wear those robes in public. “Maybe you should have told him yourself” no but it hurts more because they literally spoke to each other earlier that day, but Kalim didn’t realize he didn’t know! What do you mean you don’t know him too well either Kalim, don’t lie to me I read your ceremonial robes, I know you had a conversation! The NPCs are talking! LILIA! LILIA! PEEPAW! Boy with deep voice, lol. … So Lilia knew there was an orientation? And he didn’t tell him? Did he break his phone again? Someone needs to make a bulletin board just for Malleus, the man doesn’t understand email! Azul’s apologizing profusely, he wants those Diasomnia points. Riddle’s just like, eh. Actually, did we ever find out where Malleus went during the ceremony? No one found him until he showed up at the dorm, and they absolutely must have checked there. “I’m afraid that you will not be attending Night Raven College after all” Yuu: I was dragged here against my will, so… Wait, is that the BGM from the overblot reflection scenes?! I LOVE THAT BGM! WHAT’S IT DOING HERE! Ugh, I love TWST music! “Take this person back from where they came!” DM: lol, I don’t know where that is. Crowley’s having a crisis over here. DM’s just shrugging as a disembodied face. Library time!

Yuu is an extraterrestrial confirmed! Or from another dimension, yeah you right Crowley. Would you be more shocked to travel planets or dimensions? Shoe? Yuu, you have shoes, right? Yuu: my wallet! MY PHONE! POV: the portal that let you travel between dimensions robbed you. Crowley’s stuck with a magicless broke teen. RAMSHACKLE! No, but this dude really stuck Yuu into a probably haunted building that is falling apart, headmaster of the year. And will you be cleaning it, Crowley? We will investiage other ways to send you home my butt, you’ve been sitting on your ass for 7 books straight! (please excuse my language) A model educator, sir you don’t teach anything. Well, at least I get to see our beloved Ramshackle Dorm!

…I forgot how bad this place looked at first, THE OSHA VIOLATIONS!(I know OSHA is for working conditions, but still) Lawsuits, lawsuits everywhere. “This is too much character, if you ask me” I love a sassy Yuu. Wow. It looks… okay… I’m going to do more research he says, LIAR! Yuu’s about to become one with the dust. IT’S RAINING! We just got here, and it’s already raining. Oh, it actually looks better with the lights on! GRIM! “Like a bat that got blasted by a water gun.” Grim, you say like you’ve seen it before. Sir, did- did you blast a bat with a water gun? Don’t tell Lilia that. Honestly, it doesn’t seem that hard to sneak in, I don’t think there’s magic on the fence. Yuu can call for guards, I don’t even remember seeing guards, where did that idea come from? I wonder how Grim got here in the first place. Did he jump a carriage? Did he do that plane/boat thing Idia and Lilia mentioned when discussing getting to the island? GRIM’S EAR FIRE CAN GO OUT?! Grim, don’t be magic…ist? Useless? At least Yuu can meet people on eye level. But Grim, you benefit from fixing the holes in the roof. Why do you need payment. I’m convinced homeboy can’t actually do it. Oh, hello strange noises- THE GHOSTS! They’ve always given me Lonesome Ghosts vibes. I forgot what their voices sound like. I’ve been playing too many voiceless events and vignettes, I can’t remember what people sound like that aren’t the core 23. I love how they are ??? when later on they are Ghost A/B/C. Nah, that is absolutely a death threat, run Yuu, RUN! Grim, no fire in the dorm, there are already leaks! Grim, open your eyes to aim! Yuu knows how to bribe. The ghosts coming in with that perspective shot. Oh, time for that legendary Ramshackle Duo teamwork! This is what I imagine they do during Overblot fights. Twistune! A true bop, this song! AHHH, I’m not used to doing the ghost vignette so SLOW, it’s been 84 years since I did it on easy mode! I’m just imagining when Grim gets cocky, Yuu is just standing there arms crossed watching the ghost about to spook him and just letting it happen.

[meursaulty]

oops all wiz!

commentary below:

January - I made this when I needed an icon for my new wiz blog. I didn't have a pen though so I did it with my finger lol

February - I was obsessed with the divine paradox look!! I was still learning the ins and outs of digital so I colored all the flats by hand....... but I also remember being very proud of this

March - I drew SO MUCH stuff this month, but some of my favorite works were the little comic pages. I'd do more if they didn't take so long and if I actually had a story to tell

April - Full Mellori hype mode. I had a lot of fun with this even though I had to scrap the first concept and start over

May - Malorn brainrot came out swinging. I did this one on my computer, which has been broken this past year so that everything looks yellow on my screen. So let it be known I genuinely didn't know he was so pale until I looked at the post on my phone 😭

June - A piece from the scrapped wiz calendar. Looking back at this, I'm not sure how well it would do on paper (it seems too dark - i'd have to readjust the values). Tbh I'd still do wiz calendar if other people helped

July - Big art block summer but I wanted to paint something, so I chose pirate aquila. If only the quests were as good as the aesthetics... (hot take: the harpies are worse than the bumballoons)

August - Not much art because my mom was diagnosed w/ cancer and spent the month in the hospital (she is ok now). But i did manage to get some pirate sessions in! A lot of just sitting around and watching people's fits for inspo

September - Quick thing based on a photo i took last November from my old dorm, painted while moving into my new one

October - Trying to get back into the 101 obsession with good old Bonnie Anne

November - Based on a photo I took at school

December - Lowkey cheating because I actually did 95% of this in April, but i fixed it up a little December sooooo I say it counts? There are a *lot* of things I'd change about it now but it's still a vibe, also first time I drew 2 of my wizards interacting I think?

So this was the most I've EVER drawn. I took a long break (2017-end 2021), so January was the first time in literal years that I sat down to draw something, let alone post it publicly. The 101 community on tumblr has been so nice + tolerant of my brainrot that I really enjoy putting my stuff out there as a way to tell myself I'll stop messing with something lol.

Stylistically, I took a big leap. I learned with traditional media and I was taught in a more realism-oriented way, so trying to figure out what I wanted to do was super challenging... This explains why none of my stuff really looks the same, even after a year lol (and you can kinda see the traditional vibe in Jan.? Maybe?)

But anywayyy if you read all this, tell me: what fandom do you think I first started drawing for? I am SO curious what vibe I have

[psyches-love-nest]

Hi! May I have a free reading please?

How will my future spouse treat me and what will he be like personality wise?

Thank you so much!

ET

Hello! You may have it 😉

🍯TIP JAR

I don’t know why the words 'electronic music' came to mind, lol. Your future spouse might have a passion for creating his own music. He enjoys the tracks played at electronic parties and festivals, so he’s someone who can earn money year-round to invest in tickets for such events. He’s basically the cool uncle—fun-seeker, idealist, and protector of the little ones. He has a hearty laugh and strong masculine energy. He’s super clean, too. I get the sense that he enjoys his grooming rituals, like shaving and getting haircuts, which make him feel handsome when he looks in the mirror. He ages normally (he might even look a bit older than his biological age), but his personality will always remain youthful. He gives me Sagittarius vibes.

Your future spouse may not be an expert in romance and could struggle to communicate his feelings for you, but he’ll make it up to you by being a responsible husband and providing for the more expensive things in your shared home. He’s a workaholic and money-oriented, so his way of fixing things is to throw money at people, lol. However, he can’t just throw money at you and expect to be forgiven for his lack of emotional intelligence. You will become his only weakness, the woman he wants to be a better man for. He’ll turn into a softie because of you! You’ll be able to see the love he holds for you in his eyes. His love language is giving gifts, so he might surprise you with both expensive and homemade gifts that are truly meaningful. I got a vision of a man placing a daisy crown on a woman's head. Aww.

Paid readings status: Open

[misc-obeyme]

helloo :D <3 hope you're having a super lovely day!!

the topic came up while talking with a friend so i thought it'd be fun to ask here too, how would you rate the om cast (i suppose from best to worst? however you want haha) in terms of reacting to you crying?

feel free to answer specifically in regards to yourself, since i know different people want different things (ie satan is great but while his logic and rational thinking may work for some people if he so much as tried to ask why i was crying i would probably start crying harder OOPS)

Hello there!! My day has been splendid and I hope you're having a lovely one as well!! (I really love your art style btw!)

Fun fact about me - I am a crier. Movies, weddings, sad commercials, beautiful melodies, you name it and it's likely made me cry at some point. I personally would just be like don't worry about it, I do this all the time, just give it a minute.

However I've also had bouts of crying that were brought on by stress. Like you're just overwhelmed or there's just too much to deal with or something genuinely awful happened. So assuming it's a situation like this and not just me crying about puppies, here is my rank, from best to worst!

Barbatos: This is definitely due to my bias and what I personally would want in such moments. I think Barbatos would be the kind of person who would simply sit with you. If you wanted him to hold you, he would. If you wanted him to listen to you talk about what's bothering you, he would. He would comfort you and probably make you tea and just be present. I have a lot of really strong and swirling emotions and it really helps just to be with someone who is calm.

Simeon: He also strikes me as the one to keep his cool, stay calm, and just hold you. I think he'd be a little bit more doting than Barb - like he might fuss over you a bit. I also see him being more cuddly, like his first reaction is to hold you close and keep you there. And then his second reaction is to cook something for you lol.

Solomon: This is another one that is likely just due to my bias. Because Solomon cares a lot about MC specifically and if they came crying to him, he would alternate between wanting to comfort them and wanting to do something to stop whatever is causing them to suffer. I think Solomon might get a little solution oriented at first, asking you questions about what's going on, possibly asking if he needs to fight someone or something - but if you tell him that you just need him right then, he'll listen.

Beelzebub: Another one who will be the calming presence in the face of chaotic emotions. He would likely try to feed you, too, but aside from that, I think Beel would just listen and be present.

Asmodeus: More empathic in reaction than the others, I think Asmo wouldn't just sit there and try to comfort you. I think he'd see you crying and then start crying himself. Now he's crying with you and there's something therapeutic about crying together.

Diavolo: Kinda like Solomon in that I think he'd initially be like okay what do I need to do to fix this. He's also solution oriented right of the bat, but will listen if you say you just want him to comfort you. Then he switches to his more sympathetic side and might even shed a few tears himself.

Lucifer: Lower on the list because this man is so emotionally repressed, I don't think he'd know what to do with a crying MC. His logic would be the thing that prevails, trying to find solutions, but also knowing to just comfort you if necessary. I think he'd try but his success rate might not be great lol.

Satan: Just like you said, I think Satan would be all about finding a way to fix things. My dad is like this. Any time anyone is upset, he tries to find the best solution. And in order to find the best solution, you gotta discuss the problem. And in order to discuss the problem, you gotta maybe stop crying if you can. Like okay you are not helping lol. And I don't know if Satan would be able to fully disengage from that need to fix things. Like I appreciate it and I would go to him when I was ready to talk about solutions and such, but a lot of times the solution is just to cry it out.

Belphegor: Belphie strikes me as the type who would be like okay let's take a nap or let's distract you and worry about this later. This puts him low on my personal list because I use sleep as a way to avoid things and that's never been good. It's been a real problem for me personally. I think if you were the kind of person who would find comfort in taking a break from the feelings for a bit, then it might work better for sure.

Mammon: Mammon is also low on my list for similar reasons. I think he would try to distract you. Let's watch a movie or let's go out or something along those lines. I also think he might just straight up panic if you showed up crying. He might start crying with you too but in a I don't know what to do about this kind of way.

Leviathan: I love Levi, I really do, but he is the lowest on my list because I don't think he would be calm at all. I think he would be extremely nervous, have no idea what to do, be overly worried about you. You could convince him to calm down and just hold you, but I know I wouldn't have the mental capacity to do that if I was in that state. He would also try to distract with anime and video games and that's all well and good but only after I've cried it out lol.

I didn't include the newbies because I feel like I don't know them well enough to put them in the rank. But currently I love the idea of Thirteen being soft and sweet, the calm one that will hold you. Mephisto might be alarmed at first, but then eventually realize you need comfort, too. Raphael I dunno he kinda seems like he might go the Satan route lol.

Anyway, that's just my personal ranking! It's definitely going to be different for everyone, as you said! In the end, I think they'd all do their best to help you.

Thank you for asking, this was fun to think about!

[dreamsinfiction]

A fresh start (aka first 3 months of 2024 recap)

I am starting blogging again! Not to say that I haven't been journalling cos I have (almost daily thanks to the Hobonichi heh) but it is nice to have an online repository for my thoughts and where I can put photos next to them.

So, okay let's get this mega recap out of the way. As a typical planner, I am going to divide it into parts:

Overall

Ngl, the first few months of 2024 has been hard but on hindsight I think necessary (I am a glass half full kind of person). Hard mainly because of work and some personal stuff which I will explain more down below.

All in all, I am much better mentally now! Life is both ups and downs - just need to remember that the downs don't last while I'm there.

Work

Work was a rollercoaster homg, and I feel like it's only in late Mar that I feel a bit more assured of myself and the imposter syndrome quieted down a bit.

Work things that happened recently:

Posted into MSF strategic comms - a Ministry which I've always wanted to be in because of the issues that it deals with and is quite personal to me, but also a new side of comms that I don't really have much experience in (slightly dabbled in it in MCI but this is a whole new ball game hurhur)

Felt quite depressed/down actually in the first few months because everything was so new, and I feel like this is the steepest learning curve I've had in all my postings. Commence the daily imposter syndrome where I am winging it every day (thankfully SR gave very comforting words on this; she actually seems to have it worse in her agency now, I wonder how I would have fared there since it was orignially my first choice haha)

Got thrown a lot of things my way which I have absolutely no clue about hahaha (crafting and presenting to SMT on an overall MSF strategic comms plan when I barely know half of what the division/depts acronyms are?? Helpz. Thankfully SMT was kind that one time I presented. We recently presented with another item (my colleague did the presentation) and they were not as kind huhu)

Have already stayed late at work my first 3 months into the job. It was close to 8.30pm I think and all because of a team lead that messed up my slides the day before the presentation ugh. Apparently, everyone she interacted with has some sort of horror story with the way she works lol.

Some positives! Got praised by 2 team leads for my presentation and a training course I facilitated heh (almost wanted to cry cos that was when I was in a dark hole huhu). Lunches with random colleagues (because CED is a large division) and actually getting along well :)

Finally went for Induction (6 months into the posting lol). It was the usual (this is my 3rd time participating in an Induction/Orientation so I roughly know what is planned), confusing at times (Amirah, Liyan and I couldn't stop laughing when HR talked about "Tops" and "Bottoms" - apparently it was for this organisational simulation exercise which is supposed to make us understand the role of everyone in an organisation from minions like me to SMT. The labels though hahaha. One good thing that came out of it was there was this cute guy in my group hahaha but I think he's a few years older (he said he had 10 years of working experience total?), unsure if he is married/attached tho.

Socials (aka fun stuff I've experienced)/family/friends:

a. Played badminton more regularly! Signed up for MSF's badminton club and ngl, the first day turning up for the session was hard hahaha I almost left when I was already at the stadium's bathroom changing into my sportswear. But am proud of myself for sticking to it and making friends across MSF.

b. Went for Coldplay with Sya and Tommy! First time seeing them in person despite being a long-term fan (Fix You, Clocks will always remind me of pushing through JC and the trauma of A Levels lol). They were so good live (how is this possible at their age) and I had so much fun! Bonus was definitely seeing hologram!Bangtan. I loved the TikTok that I made heh (sound currently muted since Universal Music is still sorting issues with TT)

c. Went on my first dating app date(s)! Met up with this guy who seemed quite nice online and he was during the first date. But then he started saying some weird shit which I couldn't stand for (I cannot with people who casually throw DV words out, especially after what I've been through -.-) So I chose to end things hurhur. I feel like I deserve a pat on the back since I now know a bit better what I am looking for in someone and what I absolutely detest hahaha.

d. Went for coffee barista class as part of division HLS! Fun to be making coffee (last I did was during Coffee Bean days heh) but clearly I can't make the artistic latte art lol.

e. Continued taking Korean classes! Class is turning out to be pretty difficult now with so many grammar to remember. The level of imbuhan in Korean is next level, even more than Malay hahaha. Then again, I still managed to ace my term test heh. Sejong is also exploring having Korean immersion classes this year and I hope I would be able to make it for the winter one (pls pray that I can ace the interview when it comes round in July heh)

f. Took self-care days / went for Jac's annual CNY gathering - some things don't change and I love that hehe. I also like how I now know when things are getting a bit too much for me so I would need at least a day off by myself :)

g. Decided on going to Korea end year with Jac (+R) and Sya! EXCITED. Firstly just to go Korea again lol. But also to be going around Jeju again (and driving! pls pray that I will get over my fear of parking hahaha)

h. Having F1 back in my life heh - New season started and so far, the Ferrari boys are doing so well (compared to the heartbreak I had week in week out last year lol). Hoping the podium streak continues since it's their last year together 💔

Spirituality

Not sure how this happened actually - like all years, I did make a resolution to try a bit more intentional with my religion and prayers and I guess this year....it has been happening? Maybe it has to do with turning another decade older but actually I've been thinking on this for a few years alr, like what is our purpose on this earth, can't be just having a 9-5, having a family, friends etc.

So I started being more intentional by going to books as shared by my bookstagram friends (heh of course) and actually learning a few things. Podcasts are also a great help since I listen to them on my 20-min walk to the MRT on WFO days.

I think learning more about the religion actually helped me climb out of the dark hole that I was in for a couple months. More inner peace, feeling more assured of myself because since I gave things my best effort then I should learn to let go and let Him play things out. Some days are harder than others still ngl. Taking my own pace on this and seeing how things go ❤️

Okay thanks for reading my yapping hahahaha I do hope to continue my monthly recaps and making it into a habit :)