#first of i feel so bad that i cant fully be there for her cuz i dont have the energy to

[i-heart-hxh]

hi! so ive been so confused/unsure abt why killua's reaction to palm saying "you are the one gon needs most" looked like he was devastated. ive thought of different reasons on why he had that reaction:

1) he got scared/devastated/stressed at the fact that he was the only one who could really help gon at that moment, but he was so sure he was useless cuz he couldn't even snap gon back to his own senses. so its like "if i—the closest help there is to gon—can't help him, then who/what else can?" and so the overwhelming thoughts of gon possibly dying haunts him.

2) he couldn't believe that he's the one gon really needs the most after assuming that palm probably placed higher than him already, and was fully convinced gon cares more about palm more than him. but then palm says she cant even compare to killua, which gave him that reaction .... i guess its like relief but portrayed in a painful way cuz of his self worth issues.

3) he got pressured by the thought of being the one gon will always rely on the most. anything bad that happens to gon will always depend on what killua would do abt it. and killua always worries and sacrifices too much when it comes to gon, so pressure just added up.

aaaand this is making my brain all scrambled (TT) i wanted to ask if u have a clearer answer for this..? i trust ur judgement a lot (｡-人-｡)

Hello! Aw, I appreciate that you trust my judgment, that's sweet of you to say. ❤️ I'll do my best to explain my take on Killua's expression in this scene!

So, I think his reaction of shock and looking devastated is primarily from the first set of reasons you brought up. He already tried to step in and stop Gon and got pushed away and told that the situation with Kite is none of his business essentially. Being rejected like that and being unable to change Gon's course of action (even though that's the role Gon entrusted him with) broke his heart, and made him feel like he can't change Gon's impending tragic outcome.

Bisky also told him this earlier in the arc:

While we know his tendency to flee against a strong enemy is caused (at least in a large part) by the needle, which he's already removed at this point in the series, Bisky's words to him and the gravity of the current situation still weigh heavily on him. In this scene, he's realizing that Gon's fate rests on him--and he doesn't know what to do to save Gon at this point. There's no one else he can ask or rely on any more to save Gon, it all hinges on him. What a heavy burden that is to be entrusted with, especially with how deeply he loves Gon--to a degree where he has actively decided and even stated out loud that he'll die with him if it comes down to that.

That's why he's not happy or relieved (at least not visibly) to hear this, as much as being Gon's most important person is what he wants--to hear this at this point is a tremendously scary thing. He just broke down sobbing on the ground because he feels so helpless to do anything for Gon. This is what he needed to hear, and it's true as well, but it puts him a position of great responsibility towards someone he loves more than anything. He was previously directly told by someone he respects that he'll eventually leave Gon to die, which just adds extra fuel to the situation.

I do think both of your other ideas are things that contribute to Killua's state to a degree, but they're not the primary driving force of his reaction in this scene specifically. The situation with Palm and Gon did certainly destabilize his sense of his role in Gon's life (because he desperately wants to be Gon's most important person and, it's heavily hinted, his romantic partner) and that's why he's so fixated on whether Gon wants him at his side as his friend or his teammate. Hearing this from Palm is deeply meaningful for Killua--he even thanks her for it later (he doesn't specify what it's for, but it's obvious)--but again the timing is what makes it difficult for Killua to hear.

On your third point, I do think Killua also realizes as a result of what happens in Chimera Ant Arc that the dynamic between him and Gon can't continue as it has, hence the separation, but in this scene the situation is too urgent for him to be thinking deeply about future situations beyond the life-or-death one he and Gon are currently in. The pressure on him is absolutely a factor, though.

I hope that helps clarify this important scene for you!

[shiocreator]

[blasts through the door so that unrealistic 3d blocks aimlessly and slowly float around as dust particles]

If I may-th impead on your domain. I ask-th, if you may, tell me about either most angst ideas you've ever had with OC x canon or the "kicks feet and giggles" sweet type ideas

I saw ur post n Tumblr said nah so I came here.

ANJJKNSKNJS

Ok So....

The Beauty that is scarlette is.

She has so many fucking issues man every SINGLE ship ive put her in has been slowburn strangers friends to lovers in some form cuz i genuinely cant imagine her one day getting randomly into a relationship in like, a blind date way.

SO A LLOTTA THE ANGST CAUSE IS JUST *HER DENIAL* AND AVOIDANCE, i quite frankly LOVE using misunderstandings with her in particular cuz she is so avoidant, she stsrts to avoid her crush and loses friendships that way a lot,

"they'd hate me if they knew i had a crush on them" cuz past trauma of first confession in middle school where everyone already didnt like her and all, and her only friend back then was her "crush", (which might have just been her desperate to cling to the only classmate she thought was a friend) and he just. Slung A lotta insults after she confessed that was the last straw caused her to be how she is

SO EXPLANATIONS OVER HERES THE FUNNY SHIPPING PARTS, read more to spare ppl. Also realizing this isnt just aus but abit vaguely entirely au related in some cases so. Beware

Scarhouse:

Angst; her starting to gain a crush and upon both Madhouse and her pining she realizes this and starts becoming so so *so* avoidant, which makes mike think she hates him now and Robyn has to force them BOTH to confront each other about it in the end (confession time at least happens)

Sweet; i like to think scarlette uses mike as a mattress cuz she can touch ghosts so he CAN hold her, so just cuddling typically on a hot day, wrote a fic n put it on ao3 and i still think its really fun.. touch starved individuals BHFJ

AnxiousGlamour; cant think of angst but the entire dynamic of enemies to friends to lovers with them is so fucking funny to me they yell at each other and insult each other banterly their dynamic before friendship is so funny to me, but lord they genuinely have surprising amount in common, sweet moments wise in my Monsterheart au Scarlette checks on Mettaton cuz ya know. Limbs, and just. They talk. Quiet moment of "you arent so bad afterall." Just quiet moments, Mettaton and her take the boat back to waterfall cuz Scar wanted to say goodbye to Napstablook, before she supposedly died or not. Somber ish moments before she says a "final" goodbye

Now ACTUAL shipping wise? Confession where scarlette is finally okay enough to acknowledge she wasnt get slaughtered or hated by a now at this point good friend just for having a crush, confesses to Mettaton, and "I'll uh, I'm probably gonna be pretty avoidant so i can make the crush go away so im sorry in adva-" "Darling I have been flirting with you for weeks now" "What" hjVKV

MonstrousLiars (okay so NAME CONTEXT. They're both liars. One would think Reigen would be more monstrous cuz ya know. Conman. So figurative 4 him but also hes Really Not. Scarlette is a Literal Monster.): Scarlette nearly dieing to save his and the kids asses which makes her go fully into a kinda adrenalyn fueled shapeshifting moment where she may be a Little drunk off the magic rushing through her veins and afterwards kinda has to be watched over cuz shes not doin great rn,

Scarlette is able to sense curses but not see them (ie she gets very bad vibes gets pale and goes into a minor cold sweat when too close to one, or gets a bubbling sense of dread with skin prickling etc etc, shes essentially absorbing the cursed energy against her will so her body feels BAD) so she just feels really ill and like shes dieing when she DOES get cursed, walks all the way to the office and collapses concerning everyone.

The ingeneral fact this woman wont let anyone help her with her issues is a great cause of pain for everyone cuz they WANNA help tbh

Sweet moments wise Scarlette at some point finally trusting Reigen enough to just, be a person, joke around abit, get him extra snacks she knows he'll like cuz getting people food is a love language.

Reigen and her having one on one dinners cuz he just wanted to know her better meanwhile shes just. Shes not even here for FREE food shes SHIT at interacting she doesnt even know why shes here but hey. coffee ! ghjFVUHG

Bonus cuz current brainrot is these two. Scarlette learning from Mob and Serizawa how things used to be way emptier and hints at reigen also just kinda, not being as having friends as one would assume he would have,, and Scar being just. Able to see that. Maybe theyre abit more similar than she thought and reachimg out abit.

She's been keeping pretty closed off, so i like to think her noticing Reigen is more similar to her than she would have assumed first, over him noticing it first, seemed fitting here, cuz shes learned bit about him through others, whereas she's been really rather. Not prone to even talking about herself, and the only way they can maybe learn more info bout her is carter or random moments of her hyperfixations pop up somehow

[cowboy-robooty]

Robooty Reviews: Oni To Tengoku (8.9/10) ROBOOTY PERSONAL FAVORITE

(in my heart its a 10/10)

Atsurou Aoki is an english teacher who has some mad fuckin self esteem issues. hes our beautiful pathetic man protag and he ends up tangled up in a relationship of sorts with the school nurse, Manabu Tengoku. Its a dry premise and honestly the first volume requires you to sludge through a lot of average yaoi evil shit but please please please im begging you endure okay. i have been an oni to tengoku-er since 2019 and ive been following the development of the sequel (oni to tengoku sai) and the (now third) sequel (oni to tengoku kyuu) of this series and GOD. ILL BE REAL IM A MANIAC AND PROBABLY GOT A LOT MORE OUT OF THIS SERIES THAN THE AUTHOR INTENDED AT ALL BUT IDGAF PLEASE READ IT PERHAPS YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME ENLIGHTENING AS ME. READ MORE HAS SPOILERS BE WARNED (PART 1 CUZ OF TUMBLR IMAGE LIMIT)

this will be a little different than usual because i have a whole lot to say about aoki and tengoku. Really, a lot of this will be just talking about how and why i like their relationship so if you end up liking this you should most definately read the full manga to experience it for yourself

Despite all the fuckin bullshit of the first volume, the manga is really fucking good at interweving in its core themes and setting up the psychological basis of Aoki. Aoki was abused by his mother as a child, but i think the depiction of abuse is really realistic because even though she whittles down his self esteem and makes him feel worthless she hugs him afterwards and still is motherly towards him, this aoki doesnt hate his mother and fully cut her off per say but she is a demon to him. its pretty realistic imo where parents can do awful things but they buy you a donut and then its like ermm well.. they bought me a donut and do this in my best interest so its okay. Aoki is fucked in the head though. because he doesnt feel like he can be loved deep down and his entire career path is something he chose only because it was expected of him by his family (and his entire life is grasping at straws in an attempt to not disappoint people)

he wants more than anything to just not be an embarassment and be "worthy" of being loved. I like how this is depicted because again it feels more realistic in that he isnt outwardly a freak about it or anything he doesnt have breakdowns in public or anything thats enough to warrent himself to feel like he needs to get help. but he definately does need help of some sort because his way of thinking and the constant guilt and shame he feels is just something thats normal to him now. hes just tired and a bit worn down, but its not like anything is exceptionally bad, since humans are surprisingly adaptable and hes just lived with feeling like hes an embarassment who disappoints people his entire life so its norm.

Tengoku obviously doesnt mean it in the way aoki is taking is. but its things like this that make the themes feel well interwoven to me. Aoki doesnt look tengoku in the eye and say "i have mommy issues and feel like being an embarassment is the reason i cant be loved" but he still shows it in a way that we the audience can see he means, since we can put together aoki's lifestyle and viewpoint from his inner dialogues and flashbacks to his mother's abuse. Aoki wants more than anything else to be a good boy because only good boys can be loved. and unfortunately for aoki san this kind of means he has developed a praise kink and good boy fetish which tengoku just naturally leans towards so erm haha tengoku just pushing those buttons all willy nilly!

Tengoku isnt an idiot though, as he pursues aoki he can definately connect the dots and all that shit for how aoki ticks. This isnt exactly hard to do anyways, since aoki passively talks about himself to tengoku during non crazy scenes and its not like hes an enigma or anything because again, he thinks that the way he lives is completely normal for a guy like him. Tengoku likes aoki and chases him and aoki isnt exactly a willing participant. Tengoku likes aoki because hes a fun plaything and interesting and pure hearted and everything tengoku is not and aoki begins to form an affection for tengoku because he itches the mental illness brain damage spot by pursuing and wanting him consistently and not getting bored.

These panels are true brain damage pages because it hits upon how all aoki wants is for someone to look at him directly and still want him. His greatest wish (that he doesnt even believe could come true at the bottom of his heart) is to have someone that could see him for who he is and despite all his flaws. despite how hes useless, despite how hes not good at anything (to him), despite how hes bad at relationships, despite how he cant talk with other people, and despite what an embarassment he is, still love and want him. Seriously, I must recommend you to read this for yourself. Theres the yaoi bullshit sludge but every chapter has bits and pieces of Aoki's mindset that is an insanely good representation and depiction of how that kind of mentality and acceptance is like.

Volume 2 is where things really pick up. Yaoi sludge has been toned down to make way for FUCKING SWAG!!!! the set up for aoki's mentality is done now were onto getting into the way tengoku and aoki's personalities actually interact with eachother. Along with dipping into tengokus crazy bitch syndrome

Over this volume, were shown that actually aoki and tengoku are a good match for eachother. At least, tengoku provides something special for aoki in that he doesnt know from personal experience the feeling of needing to earn love, but because of that he bounces off well with aoki because he shows basic interest in going "well your feelings and thoughts do matter though. youre a person too". this isnt explicitly said, but its little things liks this that end up making aoki fall in love with him. Aoki falling in love with tengoku is also interesting because this is his first time actively liking someone else because its what he wants, not because its what the other person expects. Despite how terrible their relationship was at first, it set a ground where Aoki was able to create a strong connection with someone without the initial fear of disappointing them since he even didnt like tengoku at first. Honestly with the way Aoki is I think that is why hes able to love tengoku out of his volition, since he already has shown his shameful parts to him and tengoku still wants him-- in fact tengoku is the only person who has seen Aoki's shame and refused to let him go, this lets Aoki take a breather and think about what HE desires for once instead of how to keep someone with him or do whats good for the other person/not shameful.

Also a new teacher is introduced who actually is one of the many guys Tengoku had play-boyed before who became a teacher just so he could try to win tengokus love lol. but he serves as a plot device for that yaoi jealousy arc WOOOHOOOO! I love the jealousy chapter a lot though because BOTH CHARACTERS experience jealousy in their own way. I'm not sure if what Aoki experiences can be classified under jealousy or not, but ill just say it is because thats easier. The chapter is wonderfully done though because see Tengoku has always been the one who chases Aoki but also the one who reminds him that he doesnt fall in love this is just a sex playboy thing. Aoki is the one who has fallen in love and does show this by treating Tengoku specially, but Tengoku obviously doesnt reciprocate this since the way he acts at least is more like Aoki is his favorite of a bunch of toys rather than his one and only like how Aoki sees him. Aoki feels bitterness over this because he wishes he could be loved by Tengoku since Tengoku is somewhat wishy washy and gives Aoki just enough to keep hope but also smushes that hope by refusing a drop more. (this is done though bc this is fucking yaoi ofc tengoku loves aoki to bits and pieces back but tengoku is just scared of liking aoki too much and showing it too much but hold on we havent gotten to tengokus insanity yet jeeeesus christ!). Also im kind of at the tumblr 10 image limit but I think showing these next three pages are really important so ermm me when i post this and then add a reblog or two with MORE BULLSHIT. I'll properly tag the versions with my reblogs

[starry-edeline]

I couldnt help myself and i skimmed through the eps but my goodness i have so many thoughts-

First of all, my poor babies TT they are truly going through it this season and it just breaks my heart

Simon???? PLEASE SOMEONE HELP HIM i really really wish in the finale we see him fully venting out and being vulnerable with wille in the most detailed way possible cuz he needs to do so. Poor thing probably feels so alone and just stunned by this whole fiasco

Wille wille wille, i really feel bad for him man. I will say, his impulsiveness and general aggression is quiTe frustrating and worrisome but i cant blame him when he has so many things weighing on his shoulders including massive blows to the perspective hes grown with. I really want to see him talking things through with Simon and Boris(we stan)

The erik thing? I will say it isnt shocking to hear he did terrible things but what he did is so much worse than expected. Can you imagine how Wille might be feeling? Like the man you looked up to, thought did no wrong and was always supportive and protective towards you did something like this? Its already so disgusting but, imagine hearing that about your brother as a queer person yourself? It just takes up the pain a notch even when its already so high.

A moment to just say, Linda my queen. When she popped oFF in the first ep istg i was so happy like YES. The not trusting simon part was...hurtful but i get her, shes worried about her kids and has been kept in the dark about it all. But the comforting simon while he cries just..that was painful man that hurt simon please never cry.

I hate you August. I sympathise, but i still hate you.

The hugs? the kisses? the hallways scene?? the snuggles?? My heart im so glad there are scenes of them being HAPPY

The end in ep5...listen i hope to god its not an ACTUAL break up and thats the moment they talk things through and wille gets insight to everything happening with simon and in simon's mind. I hope for wilmon endgame and i just want them to be those communicative kings like in s1. Its so painful to see them cry and just be sad...they are only teenagers...

Overall, im really excited for the finale please i wish qll the loose ends are tied and its a ending that makes sense <3 more thoughts on this later when i think about it more-

[veys-mood-of-mentalbreakdown]

Aaaaalright i feel like this would probably be perfect for r/amitheasshole but i couldnt be bothered to put it on reddit. But I’ll formulate it like i would if i posted it there (EDIT: tried to post it to r/AITA but it wouldnt let me cuz its over 3000 characters)

Am i the asshole for wanting to tell a birthday party guest to not come anymore

This weekend March 11th 2023 the body will be 19 years old, to celebrate this we’re having our first actual birthday party with friends. We’ve invited 5 friends and all of them are coming some of them also sleep over as they come from far. Including the person id love to tell that they arent welcome anymore, we’ll call this person K.

As i said before this is the first time we ever thrown a party, so we are understandably stressed to get everything perfect. We don’t ask for help of the guest because we want to get it all ready ourselves (which as of now we have succeeded in and almost have everything ready).

K from day one started complaining about everything and anything. First it was about alcohol. About if we had vodka, and if we had different vodka than a certain brand because they only like that kind of stuff. Then it was about food, constantly making a problem about the snacks ans foods we were getting, i would share screenshots but i cant for privacy reasons so i’ll put it down as a list

- will there be enough food?

Yes there will be enough food

- will it be cold or warm, we only like to have warm food for dinner

We will make sure there will be cold and warm foods and foods you can eat both cold and warm

- yea but will there be enough

Yes there will be enough

- snacks dont sound like food to me

We call it snacks because we’re going to get tapas like dishes, meaning many different kinds of food

- will there be enough??

Yes K there will be enough

- i just dont have a right feeling about this

About what? The party or the food?

- the food at the party, i have a bad gut feeling about this

She then also started getting upset about the people we invited to our birthday party and the fact some of them are system’s like us (she is fully aware we are a system) saying that she thinks it’s going to be too much to handle, which i can get, i just don’t understand why she didnt tell us up front and said she wasnt going to come instead of getting angry at us for it.

She then said it would be a rollercoaster of emotions for her, and wanted to have a moment where she could just talk to our host privately about her emotional baggage at our host’s birthday party, and ofcourse like the good friend our host is, he agreed to play therapist because he’s afraid she’ll leave and bitch about him to others.

We made a playlist for music for the party, inviting everyone that will come to add music so theres a bit of everyone’s music tastes, we asked if everyone could add party vibe music and asked to not add music sorts that are triggering to us or others coming to the party (we specified what triggers us and asked everyone to specify if they have any music that can be negatively triggering)

Full knowing this, K asked us if she can add Reggae and added a few too, knowing full well that this is one of the things that is highly triggering to our host as one of the big ab*sers in our life only ever listened to that stuff, they got upset when we told them rather not and then our host said “okay but not too many, 1 or 2” to satisfy her, knowing it would most likely cause flashbacks of some sort. She then said “you know what its your party” and deleted it from thw playlist under the condition that she gets to have moments at the party where she can listen to her own music, which fine by us ig.

She then said she wasnt sure if she was going to come after all because of all the things she spoke about before that made her feel uncomfortable and feel it might be too much for her weren’t fixed. So we said alright.

Then she said she knew it would be too much for her and said she was going to come later.

I really want to tell her in a polite manner that she needs to fuck off and isnt welcome anymore at the party, she single handedly made the pressure and stress so high and blames us for it when we told her we were handling it and it was stressing us out.

After which she also said “im sorry, i feel like im too much in our business”

So are we (am i personally) the asshole for wanting to tell her she no longer is welcome?

[slashingdisneypasta]

(I finally figured out what to ask! Hopefully ill send more asks soon if you want (i don't want to overwhelm you though)

How does Edward the Incel choose his target? Like is he going to kill all women since he thinks their all bad? Does he only target the 'impure' women? Or does he get together with a girl and pretend to like them until they give him an excuse to kill them? Also do you have names for the rest of the cast?

Oh!!! Thank you so much! ^^ You absolutely don't have to, I haven't even decided if 'm officially keeping Ed XDD But I do love him, so-

He has a particular 'type', he doesn't like. Ed will be living his every day life and see a woman - she might just have passed by him on the bus, or they chatted at a coffee shop, or they even work together, - , and get a bad taste in his mouth. She's usually pretty sweet and well-liked (The more likely friends and family are to say in her murder documentary that she 'lit up a room', the more likely he is to hate her guts), probably even volunteers- he just thinks this all must be a huge pile of bullshit. No one is that perfect, no one really cares that much- be fucking real. Especially a hot girl. The fact that people can be... get this... multifacted; both pretty and good inside... is totally lost on him. It boggles his mind.

He's disgusted, but... also drawn in by her? He doesn't just want to kill her, he wants to destroy her if he can. He wants to get to know her, and if he cant find something dark living inside her- he will instil it himself. Every time that her smile falls, or she rethinks getting close with him, he feels a sick pleasure.

So yeah- Barbie type. He usually dates her or befriends her first (Lesbians are not safe just because he cant make them fall for him), has his week or two of sick, twisted fun-time (And yes, he definitely, literally gets off on giving women little complexes and self-disgust), and then kills them.

(I haven't actually fully decided- on any of this, by the way XD Just spit balling mostly! ^^ )

The other characters! ^^

Main Character- Maggie, or Mags. "Of course you're not worried about this- " *Follows Hallie out the door, waving a spoon at her* "You're a VIRGIN!!- " Final Girl- Hallie. "So I met a guy... he got me the good canned peas off the top shelf at the store cuz I couldn't reach... " *Sighssss* "... and in my mind, we've already been married 8 years- no, you cant eat these peas Mags, we can never eat them- " Old Dude #1- Rodney or Rod. "...Art- " (Arthur: "I've told you a million times not to call me that-") "- I have an idea." Old Dude #2- Arthur. *To Rodney* "Oh- no, you don't. Sit back the hell down." (Rodney: *Slowly sits down, crosses his arms and huffs- looking away*)

Again, thank you for asking! ^^ Its fun playing around with characters that are actually mine for once, haha XD

[stitchwraith-stingers]

lets get... 🔥controversial🔥

1, 21, & 24 for fop!

the character everyone gets wrong

TRIXIE TANG, EVEN THE WRITERS HATE HER, 2 MILLION EXLOSION DEATHS

also ig if i want to go there then also peri and devs whole thing, im not a fan of dad peri (aside from the fact i dislike assigning characters A Role) to me hes more ofa collage student who got his first job and they gave him to work with soemone who definatly needs more patience, why take away everything that makes it interesting??

part of canon you think is overhyped

cant think of anything that doesnt make me sound like a guy trying so hard to be different cuz it 100% deserves to be hyped up and are litterly focal points, but if i had to say something then ig like. peri and dev or like dale in general............. idkkkkkkkkkkkk im boring

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

it has definatly mellowed out since then but the takes people had during the finale REEKED, the finale isnt perfect by any means writing wise, but god the way people went about it gave me headaches

aside from the fact that, yknow it would be predictable if that was her wish, i think it shows a great substance in hazels character with how she tried to get through him and eventually realising theres no point in helping someone that wont accept it, and dev himself realised it first and admitted to it with the whole 'almost killed his maybe-therpist and took over a secret society and exposed them when their whole is Dont Tell Anyone' thing he did, obviously dev isnt the devil he is litterly neglected and is lashing out only because thats how he copes, however its not her responsibility to hold his hand and go "you fucked up big time, lets go get ice cream now" (especially after the last time we saw them together he almost indirectly erased coswan out of existance???????????? infront of her?????????? hello?????)

ive even seen a perosn say that she shouldve known better since her mom is a therapist (i wont go on about it, yadi yadi yada her mom doesnt know how to work with kids directly so if hazel did it it could maybe backfire on him depending on what she did, also in the pitch bible it states that she repeats therapy speech w/o understanding it so make of that what you will)

this isnt to say that peopel arent allowed to be dissapointed in what her ACTUAL wish was since i get it, even to me that writing desiction feels abit bittersweet to me in a sense thinking about it now, but i think that little moment was the best in that episode, how you dont have to help people that wont accept your help, also also this is just clearly to reel in people for a season 2, like people were overdramatic saying 'this is erasing all of devs development!' hold on you dont know that yet the last you saw him he got teleported back to earth

i think apart of this problem is that back when i was seeing predictions i saw seeing some really overdramatic and angsty ones, so i think apart of it is just people not seeing what they wanted to see fully considering this show is made for a younger audience and jsut works with a formula that isnt a direct story

theres also the quiet part that ill say outloud and ill keep saying it: theres some (UNINTENTIONAL!!!!!!!!! TO CLARIFY) white favortism going on imo, like theyll go oh sweet baby dev 😭😭😭 and then he gets crisitized ONCE and theyre like shes the worst ever . not to mention the very few people ive seen that say that dev shouldve been the protagonist (stares directly at the camara. you know why thats a bad idea right), and THIS is the only discussion ive seen more peopel talk about together that involved her, i dont think you guys are about her at all i think you guys just want a sponge to use for his angst, there are 30 other episodes you can talk about them i promise, tumblr dot com make a post about hazel wells that doesnt circle back to dev CHALLANGE FAILED

if you want something more general, then the whole 'who deserves godparent' discourse takes me out, i fucking LOVE chester ok but if you say he deserves a fairy godparent ur fucking lying, fairy idol exists, "OHH BUT HES POOR" doesnt work either

i think its REALLY funny how everyone who has that argument, mcbadbat local guy whos known to not give a fuck and loves how his life is, rag on hazel and chloe for not giving a fuck a loving how life is, like which is it do you have to be run over 20 times a week to get a fairy or can you get it for internal reasons make it make sense, i think you guys just hate female characters

[keithbutgay]

aaa i feel bad cuz i cant think of anymore animal facts :<

theres the thing about fish changing sexes but i probably told ya that multiple times already...

um

who are your favorite bad end friends?

screaming screaming SCREAMING /pos

okay so i know i already told you this but um i really really want to tell you again so i apologise in advance

so first of all my three favorites by far are beast wirt, bipper, and birthday mabel. i love beast wirt and birthday mabel the most but bipper is pretty cool too!!!

you already know i'm obsessed with beast wirt but um i love him so much. one of my favorite things about him is that his ending really was plausible. it had an actual source and place where it branched off which i think is so epic and is different from bipper in this sense, where canonically if bill had not left dipper's body he would have essentially killed dipper's body and he like. did say that. um. but regardless i really really love his design and his song and like the story in general. i also love him cause he's one of the originals which i think is really interesting because while the three source materials for the originals really are pretty intertwined fandom and also kind of style-wise they aren't very connected necessary

um

okay moving on

bipper is really really interesting to me. i am absolutely obsessed with his design which is funny cause it literally doesn't change from his design in the show except for like sticking forks in him. but that's not the issue here--- anyway the one thing i don't like about bipper (and the reason i'm not a huge fan of a lot of the newer additions to the list) is because there is no way his story would have happened canonically? and while it's still really really cool i have a hard time appreciating him fully because there's not much of an explanation for him. he also happened canonically, which kinda lessens my appreciation for him which sucks cause he's really cool and interesting and i want to study him under a microscope (also his theme is wolf in sheep's clothing which is like the coolest ever)

okay. birthday mabel. i love her so so so much

the first thing that i need to explain about her is that her existence is only possible if bipper has already occurred, or if the canon end to bipper occurred--- aka dipper dying. i feel so bad for continuously referencing the canon for a literal set of aus but in canon gravity falls there was a note left for mabel by bipper that basically said "yeah imma jump off the water tower in your brother's body. care to join him shooting star?" which is really interesting to me but that's like not important. anyway um her story is that she felt really really guilty about not saving dipper. this is in reference to bipper's story, because in bipper's actual au bill basically just like manipulated everyone and beat everyone and just never left dipper's body. anyway eventually she threw her 13th birthday party without dipper but no one came to the party, so she kinda. snapped. and started throwing "pity parties" (hence her theme song, her entire design is actually probably based on the song which i think is really cool) and eventually she like. meets bipper and kinda just thinks he's dipper because she's not doing well. actually a really interesting fact about bipper is that it's implied dipper's like soul is still haunting bipper, implying that he's kinda just like still watching his body do all of these things without being able to do anything about it

anyway sorry i will like stop talking about them cause this is not even close to what you actually asked me about but there you go i guess :)

[sm-baby]

IM CHEWING THIS IM EATING ALL OF IT CHEWING THIS ALL UP CHEWING ALL THIS SHIT UP OH MY G O D

LONG RAMBLE AND OVER ANALYSIS UNDER THE CUT

NO WONDER SHE BECAME SO COWARDLY TOWARDS HIM OH MY GOODD... im f u c kED over the idea that Caine SEW HER MOUTH SHUT HIMSELF... LIKE.. i was out here thinking maybe he magiced it up, or had someone else do it, BUT HE?? HE DID IT HIMSELF???? OH MY G O D, THATS BLOODY, AND BRUTAL AND FUCKING TERRIFYING, DUDE ...

This is character analysis food for both Ragatha and Caine... And some kinger...

Starting off with kinger... Very simple... I just really love the body language you do with him, the hand shaking trying to keep himself calm while witnessing the sight, his expressions-- he being overly anxious because, ofcourse, he is fucking GRIEVING... HIS WIFE JUST FUCKING DIED AND HE HAS NOTHING HE CAN DO ABOUT IT.. And the only other person thats nice to him or would ever stand up for him is being fucking MAN HANDLED-

The implication of Caine's past, the fact Ragatha knew Caine before he completely fucking turned. He didn't like being reminded of what he once was or that hes gotten worse, being told that his ideas were bad, he didn't like the BACKTALK, disrespect, AUGHH.... IM FUCKING WITH THE BODY LANGUAGE BY THE WAY-- IM SUCH A SUCKER WITH CAINE'S HAND STIMS-- NOOO.. NOOOOOOO NO WAIT NOOO

I DID THIS WITH THE FUCKING BETS COMIC AND THOSE SAME HAND GESTURES WERE ALSO DIRECTED TOWARDS RAGATHA, HOOT NOOOO... NNNNNNOO- /pos

It was a complete and utter headcanon to think that Ragatha is who Caine would be upset at most frequently (also ties in with the fact that she has the most deaths) but I think its incredibly fitting for them to have that sort of dynamic considering Ragdolls are used to be thrown around and abused by their owners.

I ADOREE i adore that this was lowkey highkey Ragatha's breaking point— and that same breaking point being over the fact that it was for Kinger's well being...like...im sure she would absolutely feel outraged as a person with morality, but also like,-- MAN....SHE CANT JUST TAKE THAT ROLE...SHE CANT TAKE THAT ROLE WHEN THE POOR GRANDPA FIGURE'S WIFE WAS THE PREVIOUS ASSISTANT... IM... she has such a heart of gold I swear..

Im sure Ragatha was still scared of Caine before then... But probably thought of him a little higher than she did now.. she sounded sassy, but here she fully SNAPPED..there is a reason why shes so submissive in current day and just goes along with the games. IM FUCKING EATING THIS UP

FUCK OH MY G O D WAIT the "you struck me, caine" either implies that Caine never got his hands dirty before himself, or was a little more tolerant of their antics before then— which lead her to believe he wasn't as bad... GOD... (It sucks that her fear is so fucking valid cuz in the original show, although caine would still push the others to do things, he was still very friendly about it; distracting them or giving them prizes or being the ol' "You can do it!!" Attitude.) THAT!!! ORR!! IT WAS POSSIBLE THAT THIS WAS AL S O HIS FUCKING BREAKING POINT... Cuz although hes lost all sympathy, him quickly replacing Queenie is well in his programming to fix any missing aspects of code to keep his objective complete.

ALSO. HOOT. HOOT WHEN I CATCH YOU HOOT. I noticed that Caine being touchy with Ragatha Mirrors when POMNI FIRST CAME ALONG-- grabbing the girls tightly around his arm, or grabbing their faces... I... THIS EITHER IMPLIES THAT CAINE IS OVER ALL JUST VERY TOUCHY (which Im sure he is in canon i think???) OR RAGATHA WAS HIS OLD FAVORITE...

*shakes fist into the sky* HOOTBON!!!!!!

Guys! Guys. Let's torture Ragatha. /j

Nah, seriously, the fact that she got literally the worst punishment Caine has given so far should be enough. What the hell did she even do? There's no way it was deserved!

She spoke evil.

[hak]

OKAYYY. I’ve been playing final fantasy x and here are some preliminary thoughts after like a hard won 4ish hours in 🫠

It was a huge leap to start this game just because 1) I don’t play games like this period (rpg fighters) and have even less experience than any other type of game I ever played and 2) there’s truly nothing more intimidating to me than the final fantasy franchise.. like it only won out over me trying out kingdom hearts because I didn’t feel like doing the punch _ button for _ move type fighting in a game just yet lol. BUT WHATEVER! It has been my goal this year anyway to try games out of my comfort zone (80% of games out there lol) so here I am…

I think the world-building is very appealing!! look I have never in my life even tried looking up final fantasy lore or anything I think I just know Sephiroth and the big ducks maybe but regardless I loved the 5 seconds we got in Zanarkand just because a fantasy steampunk-esque world can be charming.. and exploring the 1000yrs later world and it’s differences is also very interesting. I think I spent half of my hours just talking to everybody I saw and looking at the world textures lol it’s nice and peaceful most of the time

I love the cast a lot.. playing as Tidus kind of surprised me because I think I’m not used to fully formed playable main characters like him (was thinking Link or a fire emblem protag rip) but I LOVE HIM!!!! HES SO GOOFY AND CHARMING and I am so endeared by the voiceover narration (ummm his future self??) and where the story is taking him. He and Yuna are so sweet and cute. I actually really love that not ever cutscene was there to move the plot??? Like the one first boat scene where Tidus stole some guys binoculars and was monkeying around on the ship. Or this one 🥺😭💗

SO PRECIOUS!!! It’s how I know something horrible is going to come regarding them 🧎Well for now I’m just in for the ride. The other guardians are definitely a ragtag bunch but I really appreciated how they were fleshed out in this narrative. I like the big wolf beast guy and I will tell you every time I get a chance I try to get Tidus to go talk to him and every time I get ignored 🥲 ONE DAY!!!! And I love theeee goth woman supreme Lulu even her name is so cute. Love her little doll. She saves my ass every single fight I swear. Wakka is also charming in his own way lol he reminds me of a character I just don’t know who.. he and Lulu having their josei romance drama in the backdrop of this story also gets meeeee. Like!?? Look at them wtf…

Ok ok now about the fighting itself: it’s not as bad as I thought. It’s still not something I really have come to look forward to though, and I really really despise the mechanic where you’re walking and get a randomized battle out of nowhere. The Pokémon grass effect whatever you call it…. IM SICK OF IT!!!! LET ME RUN AWAY!!! especially when I’ve had like 3 fights in a row and that stupid breaking glass effect comes and I have to fight again. Oh save me. im not built for this. HOWEVER. Besides that. It’s okay. Figuring out what moves I should be doing isn’t all that difficult even if I do kind of just guess most of the time. I’m lucky I’m using an emulator and saving as much as I can in case I need to reload during a battle. I’ll be okay lol I just want to complain sometimes just cuz. 😖

And finally…. The one thing I did not expect to encounter in this game and genuinely made me want to QUIT this game for good despite everything positive above: BLITZBALL. WHY DO YOU EXIST. WHY. I CANT STAND THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!

This funny scene made me laugh when I first saw it because I literally thought blitzball games would play out like that first cutscene in Zanarkend - AS A CUTSCENE!!! TIDUS YOULL LOSE I HAVE NO SKILL YOULL LOSE TIDUS!!!!!!!

I will admit now I didn’t know wtf I was doing on that boat and totally failed at getting the Jecht shot but how??? Was I supposed to know????? I THOUGHT IT WOULD JUST LEAD TO A FUN MINIGAME how was I to know it was life or death (in blitzball)…. I did Google whether I needed it to win and results varied. But before I get judged I spent about 40 min trying to grasp the entire blitzball tutorial and things still didn’t wrap around until I began playing and EVEN THEN I wanted to cry and rage quit. Something I have never needed to do in all my life!!!!!! Then I thought fine whatever I’ll just let the game do it’s thing and maybe try to give the ball to Tidus as much as possible if that’s my only shot and lord almighty I couldn’t even get one point in. The ai would score so much and I swear I paid attention. Imagine me mid game pausing just to google 10+ year old forum answers on whether I can just do the bare minimum and still win. I don’t even think I needed to win??? But the other team was so mean to us …. LIKE I WANTED TO WIN….. but I’m not capable of it. I knew it when I first started the tutorial too versus the real game I truly am so disinterested in this kind of minigame (the least mini of mini games I’ve ever played ever) that I don’t care. Like I’m just so so frustrated that it’s 3am im writing this post just to vent about how I want to keep playing ffx but not at the cost of this stupid side game that shouldn’t even take me more than 15 min to play!!!!!

I should’ve known from this part in the tutorial that this was bullshit fr. Look I know its not like all of the mechanics were rocket science, if I took 1 day to actually study the game I would BUT WHY WOULD I DO THAT. WHY WOULD I WASTE MY TIME AND DO THAT. I am just so put off at this point from this game simply because of blitzball. Sorry to Tidus and his quest for home and all but it will not come true because I cannot stand playing blitzball. 🤬

Where i am now: I paused at the end kinda when Wakka comes in at the end of the game. I couldn’t score a single point so it was just left at 2-0. I really don’t care anymore I will just lose the game because I’m sick of it. But damn I was really trying okay. Kinda. I hate being petty but we’ll see if I want to even pick it up as a whole game again when I wake tmrw after this experience lol

To be extremely honest I kinda began ffx as a total “wouldn’t it be funny if?” type game for me because I know what I like and dislike in games and this one bordered that for me so I was genuinely curious to see how far I’d last. But this blitzball game is so far into my dislikes that it actually bums me out because the storytelling is so in my lane. I don’t want to quit just yet but I will say now if blitzball gets any worse I’m out. That truly is my last straw lmao. Also it seems like a very long game otherwise and even that is a struggle for me to comprehend. Plus battles are even going to get worse and I can barely slide by during those�� idk it is looking grim for the mariel partakes in final fantasy era 😭

[daybringersol]

i really want to get off my meds for a month or two, cuz ive got like identity issues (im 20 and i still dont feel like one singular fully fledged person, more like millions of possibilities under a trenchcoat) and i think the fact that i havent been unmedicated since i was like 10 definitely isnt helping. like i genuinely have no idea what im like without meds, the closest reference i have is a 10 y/o kid, and even then i dont remember much cuz like trauma. thing is, im already struggling to keep friends, college, work and chores on track with my meds, so i know without them, im going to need someone to help care for me and i dont have that rn and dont expect to have that for a while. also, im guessing i cant stop cold turkey, its like pretty heavy stuff i think and ive been taking them since forever, so while im definitely not addicted (i often forget to take them and other people around me notice before i do), theres probably withdrawal symptoms that could be pretty bad. i dont really want to talk about it with my psychiatrist cuz i dont really trust her tbh. also like, im actually doing relatively good rn, i dont want to ruin it by doing this, and i know its probably gonna be rough at first (which is why i want 1 or 2 months and not like a week, cuz for stuff to balance out, it probably takes some time).

any advice ?

my prescription is :

40 mg of Apo-Atomoxetine

20 mg of Citalopram (Pro)

40 mg of Vyvanse

I’ve also got 5g of Androgel but I’d keep that lmao, and all of this is daily.

[magnoliamyrrh]

buttt it was the second one which was saucy lmao and uh it felt i think a bit like what the district ppl must have felt abt the capital ppl in the hunger games

dont know how it started but me snd this other woman were driving around, i still rememberd the other dream but in this dream i processed waking up as escaping from those dudes, so i was still somewhat freaked out but calmer. anyway so she was driving we were talking about casual shit when i look out the window and see another dude getting a rifle ready and im like. Oh Fuck theyre back so i tell her to floor it and she does, crossing through some intersection illegally, knocks over some shit, swervs into a lane while this dude is shooting. ends up in cross traffic and she yells to jump out of the car cuz a truck is coming down the steet, she manages to jump out. i hesitate, i wait too long, i dont do it soon enough. i see the truck coming, the first seconds of collission, im somewhat aware that a big, big explosion took place, for a moment it feels like i have become torn apart completely, shredded apart along w everything else at a molecular level, and then black out

to wake up in a ,,,, hospital of sorts. run down one. actually, more like a hostel of sorts turned into a hospital it seems. and here it gets blurry and chances pov several times and sam and dean show up hysterically enough and have one of them bro u alive?? brohug moments fhdks (havent even seen any spn in so long, why now) but were gonna move past that. either way, eventually im in a body instead of some floating pov watching things again

,,,,, and i realize again and more clearly as,, myself now that i must have miraculously survived that explosion, somehow. im alive, somehow. and clearly ive been comatosed for awhile. my first thought is oh god, what happened to the woman driving the car (clearly i cared abt her), what happened to the other driver, the other people???

and then shit gets more weird. my vision anyway still seems to be blurry, i imagine from waking up from the coma. and i get the thought that maybe my eyes have burned off, maybe i have severe burns anyway from something like thst... it makes sense no? i couldnt survive unscrathed. and as i think that, i come more to my senses. my whole body starts hurting, burining, and im like,,,, ahh yea. yup. wonder how bad it is

a nurse comes in, tells me shes glad to see me awake, that the others who have survived have recently woken up too. surely wed all like to see each other no? so she gets my still dizzy and blurry self in a wheelchair, down the hallways of this motel turned hospital, down to a room, some sort of public hangout area living room

and im so excited and horrified to see whoever survived and then...,,,.,.,, i look at them and realize through some sort of first person and third pov that... ,,, were far from human anymore. in the normal sense. i was expecting burn victims, i was expecting missing limbs, disfigurments, but no. not this. they and i have morphet, morphed into some sort of creatures,,, melting skin, several arms and limbs where there were humans have only two, fur, ears, body shapes small and big and long and short, amalgamations of animal, human, and,,, some unnatural thing gone very wrong, melted twisted into wrong shapes. i realize im like that too. far from human anymore. my body seems to be more like if you combined a beluga and a walrus with a dittoo, pale green smooth skin, tusks or fangs in my mouth, eyes too round and big to be mine. uncomfortable and twisted and painful

but,,, were all so fucked up, were beyond recognizable, and i seem to be the last one to fully catch on to that. the woman who was driving the car, she now has several arms and an inhuman face, but she smiles at me and waves her many hands hello and i feel so relieved and horrified and we all give each other looks of ,,,,, who even knows what emotion. i still cant understand how were like this. im struggling to handle any of this, and its making me too calm

i get taken to the middle of this room on these cushons that the rest of them are sitting on, at least im glad im not alone in being like this i guess, as horrifying as it is.,, others seem to have gathered around us. excited, curious, they arent like us but they arent... human either. they whisper and chitchat and ask excited questions which we all seem to confused to answer

one of them starts, casually, too casually "well, since the nuclear fallout and winter, weve been -" i realize somehow, somehow that explosion was nuclear. those of us fucked up were right in the center of it. and to an extent its cause. my stomach drops. we must be like this out of some horrid nuclear mutation when noone should survive that. maybe thats why it hurts. why it burns. maybe were still decaying, dying slowly, thats what that feeling is, bodies so mutated with dna so beyond eaten away at and degenerating that we are ticking time bombs until we get worse and worse, and god knows what well turn into then. piles of goop? piles of goop screaming about being in pain? i remember wondering if were radioactive, surely we have to be. why are all these ppl around us? isnt it dangerous for them?

the apparent excitement and casual nature of those around snaps me out of it. they keep talking, chattering. theyre too excited. i realize theyre not human either. they look much much much better than us, but theyve become some odd mix of human and animal too; fur, ears, some human bodied and some like small animals with intelligence. not malformed and fucked like us, theyre pretty, beautiful even if weird. and they dont seem like us, horrified and in god awful pain. they keep talking. none of them seem to mind the nuclear fallout that has apparently happened, the one that turned them like this. who even knows How long ago the nuclear fallout happened

but theyre fascinated by us. too fascinated. they think were beautiful, which i remember thinking is absolutely insane. they think they want to be like us. some weird idea, almost like theyve build some sort of religious cult like belief that those with more radioactivity are blessed somehow. i remember those of us in the middle looked at each other shocked and confused thinking it must be some sort of joke, right? they say they want to be like us. that theyre going to expose themselves to more radioactivity to be like us. hell, might even detonate some more bombs and stay in the middle hoping theyll come out like this. which makes me start feeling fucking insane, not that im the only one bc i see the others are shocked and horrified too, having a hard time processing. anger grief confusion irony offense pain disbelief? but these people are serious, and somehow while were the grotesque malformed ones were the sane ones here

i remember feeling disgusted, shocked, angry with them. shutting down. thinking god, god this is so awful what idiot would ever want to be like this? glorify this?? choose this?

this,,, creature comes to me, sits halfway in my lab, some sort of ferret like thing. shes pretty, shes naive, shes maybe younger. she looks up at me with big round eyes in excitement and starts talking about how she wants to be just like me. i cant even get mad at her because shes so oblivious, so naive, so priviledged i suppose she may as well be from a different planet. she keeps talking on and on and on about it, oblivious to my growing distress

. i remember everything hurting. everything hurt so fucking bad. my entire body was fucking searing, when i looked at the mess it was it wasnt burned on the surface rly, but it was searing, and definetely beyond fucked up. my throath hurt too. everything hurt, horribly. i remember looking down at this creature and trying to ask her,,,, why? dear god why would you want to be like this, when it is so painful and horrible? i couldnt get the words out, only a soft whisper, a breaking sound. my throath was probably irradiated, my insides were, everything was. i somehow started crying bc apparently this fucked body could still do that. the ferretlike creature didnt really get why, she was too naive and too confused, she kept trying to talk. and i wanted to ask her, so bad, kept trying to, but the pain just kept getting worse and worse, unbearable until i managed to somehow vocalize that i needed the nurse or anyone or anything to give me something. gentle hands manage to spread some sort of cooling cream over mine own, which feel like theyre burning to her touch. they give me something, inject me with something. for a second i can calm down, breathe from the pain. i look at the fetter with her big eyes and manage to speak. i ask her, why would you wsnt to be like this? dont you see how much pain it is? she only smiles, giggles, doesnt understand anything, and says shell be just like me, pretty one day, and jumps off of me

i give up. mentally drained by all this, beyond even crying again. the entire situation is simply too beyond fucked up. but i feel the gentle hands on me again, rubbing more of whatever cooling cream into my searing skin. i look over, and realize the nurse is some sort of weird,,, white rabbit like creature, blue and clear eyed. she smiles at me, and i feel shes more sane that the rest for some reason. maybe bc shes bothering to give me pain meds, maybe she understands pain. i thank her, and i ask her quietly why the ferret, why all these,, people and creatures want to be like us. she only gives me a pitiful, somewhat coy smile. that i cannot tell you, people have become rather odd nowadays. but i, for one, am not jealous of you. she says something which manages to get a tired laugh out of me, i remember making quiet and slow small talk, looking around at the utter weirdness of everything, and still feeling the horrid, horrid god awful searing pain, mended only a little by her cold hands on mine

. uh. yea. and then i woke up. and just like in the dream my entire body literally everywhere felt like it was actually searing and hurt so bad that i wanted to scream or cry but as per usual i did nothing but start rubbing my own hands. everything felt so weak, and it hurt. it still does. better now, but it still does

so uh. yea. guess i had a painful night lmao

[thisisanude]

not feel so confused anymore. because even tho it does feel so good to be with her it ultimately leads to so so so many more complications like i couldn’t handle all of those i really can’t i can never come out to my family and especially not date her and tell them hell no that would never happen i can’t imagine how they would even react. and also i feel so guilty about how good it feels to be with her that it’s like hard to breathe sometimes because ill just get a pit of impending doom in my stomach and not be able to eat or sleep or do anything. i never expected this feeling to get so strong. when i first felt an inkling of it it was wayyyy less serious like just silly fun not deep but now it’s like no im guilty im not a good person im a heartbreaker he would fully hate me if he knew and i really hate myself too. i keep telling myself ill stay away from her and distance myself (slightly cuz i also love her as a friend and i would never want to lose that) but i cant help but want to get closer every time i talk to her or see her. this feels like an impossible thing to figure out. i dont know what to do i really dont. i keep thinking about his old neighbor that he told about us beginning to and he was like be careful dude she might do it to you too. and i was so upset at the time. because i was like i really dont think i would cuz i like you more than ive ever liked anyone how could i want to lose that. i dont know. has my opinion of him changed in a negative light throughout the years. there were multiple fights we had that significantly changed the way i saw him i would just ignore them because hes just mentally ill and when hes not being mentally unwell hes so so nice to me and a really good bf. i dont know. is that just me trying to think of excuses for my fucked up mind. ugh. i remember back in the day thinking ill be surprised if we make it to year 4 of our relationship right after hitting year 3. but now we’re on year 5 and i haven’t thought the same thing since that moment but - i wonder if we will make it to year 6. i really do but also how could we not like i cannot break up with him i really can’t his family texts me and they’ve met my mom and my grandpa knows about him and everyone loves him and he’s literally learning my fucking native language ljke he’s on duolingo he got a LONG ASS streak like holy shit i can’t i can’t do this. i really can’t im freaking out this is affecting my life more than honestly anything else at this point although my mri is very up there as well. but honestly altho i am very scared of that i dont think about it nearly as much as i think about this. and that says something.

i don’t know what to do. i feel delusional. i feel like im going crazy. we were friends for 6 YEARS before this and half of those years we were allowed to fuck and nothing ever fucking happened literally nothing like what is different this time. please. what’s different. what changed. i’m trying to think back on the very first moment i was like oop. and it’s really hard to think of the very beginning it kind of just happened i got more excited to see her and talk to her and i wanted to touch her more than ever before. this is really upsetting. another thing is the biggest concern for him in our open relationship is that i leave him for a girl. the rules he’s set for me are all to help that not happen. clearly didn’t work tho!

FUCK

what do i do

i just want to feel normal so bad

or live in the alternate dimension where i am with her and it doesn’t hurt so bad

it hurts so bad it hurts so bad God God God i’m fucked i’m fucked this is so painful i don’t know how to deal this hurts so bad i feel like my body is shutting down i feel like i can tdocsnhthjgg and there’s no solution there’s no fix because there’s no way i could ever 1) come out to my family and 2) leave my perfect boyfriend that my family loves and that i also love and have so many good memories with ???? but why am i so sad why does it feel so bad how am i going to get over this im literally nonstop feeling this awful feeling of impending doom and it’s just getting worse and seeing her feels so good but hurts a lot like so bad and i can’t do this i really don’t know what to do i need to make a choice i don’t want to make it i really don’t want to please don’t make me please don’t i hate this so bad and the guilt of emotional cheating is eating me up so bad actually eating me alive. like i can’t eat i feel bad all the time and to be fair im anxious about a lot of things rn but this is one of the top and nothing makes me as guilty as this. i’ve never felt this guilty before i really haven’t. in front of my boyfriend, in front of my family. not to mention this is how my relationship right now kinda started. like not fully but kinda this time with a lot more nuances. in my past relationship i loved him but i was never in love with him i don’t think. i knew i didn’t wanna be with him forever. and i wanted to break up months if not a full year before actually breaking up. i was just too pussy to do it and i was going back and forth with it but i was questioning our relationship and i wished i was single but in like a lowkey way like if he broke up with me id be ok type of way but i cant break up with him also i still like having a bf IDK. but my current boyfriend i was in love with for multiple years and even tho we’ve had periods in our relationship where it was rough we always came back and i really genuinely always thought we’d be together forever. i mean we’ve been together for 5 years and i feel like our lives are so intertwined like i have so so so many memories with him so many periods of my life where im like heavily with him and so many gifts from him and so many inside jokes and inside fun and i don’t understand what happened i really don’t i’m so lost im so lost i don’t know how this could’ve happened i just want to be honest honestly but i can’t i can’t i can never hurt him hes so precious and i love him so much. i don’t understand how i can love him as much as i do with my newfound issue like im doing the thing that hurts him the most by having feelings for someone else how dare i say i love him. im such a bad person i want to tell everyone they’re right and they need to stay away from me and i dont deserve to be happy and i just want to die honestly this makes me dissociate so heavy that maybe its a good thing that my mri was moved because im gonna be dissociating more heavily now. im not ok at all this is too much i cant handle it i feel so bad i dont know how to be a real person i just want to feel normal i just want to be ok. i keep thinking about spring semester and how good it was like up until april i would say except april was really good but really bad at the same time because that is when i realized it. i really wish i could have both of them i really wish that i was polyamorous but he is really not so thats never going to happen. but this makes me think back and think why did this happen like did our relationship also go downhill without me noticing. and it felt like we were having some upsetting fights not long before then like the one in august and then another 2 in november ? but then december felt really good with him it felt like things were getting better we had another fight in january but i don’t even remember what it was about. and it’s been a long time since then wow i feel like a fully different person. it’s crazy how much things have changed. i don’t know who i am anymore. i really don’t. i’m scared. i’m really scared. i just want to go home and feel normal and feel grounded and

[laceghost]

Gonna spill out my guts in the tags cause i dont have anywhere else to do it

[zai-doodles]

Ok ok last question then I’ll stop bothering you lol (but I eagerly look forward to anything you will say in the future about fairytail!)

I think I got your thoughts on Nalu, but what about other ships? You said Gajeel and Levy are your fav ship, could you tell us more why? What about Gray x Juvia? Do you have a least favorite ship?

(And don’t be sorry for rambling a lot/your posts being long! I really enjoy reading your thoughts!)

bestie i literally love u i never have the chance to post my ft hc stuff im THRIVING

aight so im going to make enemies with this post i can feel it in my bones gjkfdhgsfdkj

however i just want to say if u like these ships thats completely fine and if you read them diffrently than i do thats also dope

so lets start positive!! i LOVE gajevy sm its so perfect i just ljdghfkjd

no listen like the thing that gets me abt gajevy is how it elevates gajeel as a character SO MUCH and gives levy so much agency at the same time, like u cant tell me ft would have embraced gajeel the way they did if levy didnt CHOOSE to forgive gajeel in some capacity and like fuck imagine ur GAJEEL in this situation like bro wakes up everyday and this is just his life

gajeel lost metalica at a young age, and (i dont remember too much of canon but im pretty sure its implied he just kinda fucked around until phantom tropue picked him up which yikes) like this CHILD was on his own most of his formative years and then got picked up by a super shitty abusive group of ppl and he just LEARNED to blend in, like yea metalica made him kind of a punk but he was a KID so during those years he was alone he probably just closed himself off to survive and learned to prioritize himself over everybody else and to do that it takes a level of desensitizing urself to others pain

and like ok again im playing hard and fast with canon but i THINK its implied he like, had done a lot of bad shit with them or whatever right? like what he did to levy and fairy tail wasn't NEW, so when the events in canon happen and he ends up at fairy tail, in my mind that's the FIRST TIME he has to face how HIS ACTIONS DIRECTLY HURT SOMEONE

and not only thats but someone who OBJECTIVELY DIDN'T DESERVE IT

like ugh gajeel just,, having to learn to let himself care but also it fucking sucks bc it just makes it set in more and more what a bad person he is (he isnt but he thinks he is) THEN FUCKING LEVY PULLS UP AND JUST?? IS THE BEST???

she literally blows thro all his expectations of her bc at this point i think hes use to dealing with ppl being afraid of him bc that ssomething he understands and control, what he DOESNT understand is her being NICE to him and it makes him RESPECT her and its so out of no where that by the time the GMG roles around and gajeel has fully accepted the fact that he indeed has emotions like everyone else, ONLY TO HAVE TO FACE LEVY BEING SCARED OF HIM AGAIN

learning to put others needs above his own and being empathetic in his own fucked up way

ok enough positivity time to make ppl mad

gonna link my juvia is a lesbian post here bc it sums up a LOT of my feelings on gruvia but the tldr is that my personal hc is that juvia is a lesbian with a serious case of comp het from trying to fit in with other kids growing up and it literally was just never corrected until she got to fairy tail and actively started to form friendships

the main reason i dislike gruvia is that it paints gray as the one who needs to change in order to accept juvias feelings and not just cuz he needs to grow as a person and learn to allow himself to be vunrable.

like grays arc doesnt ONLY center around juvia but its a big part of it and juvias growth CENTERS around gray and we can talk about the the borderline misogynist idea of having a female character whos damn near whole identity is her feelings for a man where she never grows or learns meaningfully but instead just very slowly chills out more so from being sidelined than growth but i digress i just dont like them

last is jerza,, i just dont like em,, jellal is really boring in my opinion and he had a lot of potential but meh? his redemption is neat and his history with erza has potential but i feel like the point of erzas arc is about growth and moving on and while i think her and jellal can still be friends and have each others back she still has so much healing to do after tower of heaven

idk i dont see a lot wrong with jerza i just feel like its a lil bland and not my cup of tea

and yes queer platonic nalu is my life id die for them actually and i have more stuff about natsus abandonment issues and how they carry into his relationships with ppl but imma stop bc this post is long jgkfhgdjhfdjk

tldr: i love gajevy, actively dislike gruvia, very meh about jerza, love qpp nalu

[wind-becomes-lightning]

ships huh? hmmmmm. I mean I suppose I can put forth SaiIno at least, that seems easy. and I will also suggest any Hinata ship of your choice cuz I don't actually know if you like any. and then also, LeeSaku, IF you feel up to it.

SaiIno:

He called her beautiful right upon seeing her, now you would say "oh he was just saying that to not anger her", but I say, he could have said" nice" or friendly" or "you look good." but NO, he said beautiful because he meant it

Ino actually was interested in sai right away, she didn't think his beaviour was weird, she didn't think his skin was weird, she just accepted and liked him. hell yea

Of course, we have her saving him from her own mind and then he asked her out because likeeeeeee yeah? I would ask her out too good for sai

I love love love the scen in the Sakura novel when he opens the door to Ino and is only in a towel and doesnt understand why she is embarrassed by that. God i love them.

They are the best parents in their respective age group. They deeply love and support inojin which is so cute and they love each other. I cant believe we got a scene with Sai lying in Ino's lap like we are so blessed.

Sai deserves love. Ino deserves support post war. They can deal with it together, be there for each other. Sai can learn a lot about expression from her, Ino can help him on his way to becoming more like the self he wants to be, not the one he was told to be.

Ok I know i had better reasons for the last reply but UH it just came out of me they are so cute.

I would do LeeHIna since I love it so much but you asked for LeeSaku so for now (also I ship every age appropriate hinata ship as long as she is happy im happy)

NaruHina

I just adore the dynamic of sunshine and shy person. Like, she is so drawn back and quiet, but he just speaks up for her instead and is sort of like "look my wife" because he doesn't mind? peak

He saw her when nobody saw her. A thing that always hurts me with hinata is that she'S so overlooked, even by her own family, but naruto never did that, not a single moment.

She see's him too. Long before others and the village itself. She admires his kindness from their first meeting

I would call it childhood friends to lovers but more like, childhood crush to oh my god I cant believe the shy girl gets the main character???

I will die mad that in the Boruto arc in which Naruto gets kidnapped we didnt get to see Hinata fight and defend him and almost die?????We only hear about it?!?! Becuase??!?! either way, that!

Hinata deserves to be happy, she deserves someone to lift her up and tell her how great she is, how worth she is how loved she is

Naruto deserves someone who fully loves him and knows him well and supports him always, even if that can get complicated.

LeeSaku

Lee is a fucking badass that can punch your face in

Sakure is a fucking badass that can punch your face in even harder

No seriously, they'd be a powercouple, and a pair you'd not like to meet in the dark if you are a bad guy

Apart from that, lee is a good guy, he is an absolutely down to his heart good person. After all the shit Sakura went through, she deserves a good and kind hearted guy

He also defended her several times and yes he did ask her out and profess his love, but he never like called her feelings for Sasuke into question? Thats very considerate of him, because his first priority is her

Sakura needed healing and love after being almost murdered by the guy she harboured so many feelings for and Lee would absolutely provide that. And not in a "oh this girl is very vunerable right now gotta take advantage" but in a "this is the girl i love and the girl i cherish and I will take care of her"

They'd be.. super cute tbh asdfklas

Kind of like Naruhina in the childhood crush to Oh my god yes it worked out yes

Lee would be an insane Sakura fanboy, Sakura would tell lee how beautiful and wonderful he is every day she wouldnt doubt himself anymore

phew, long reply