#first few chapters will focus on Esen and Ouyang as the differences from canon are established.

[dustteller]

I've been working on a fix-it fanfic this weekend bc I think our protagonists deserve happiness (well, they don't, but I want them to be, ok??). Here's the first scene I've written as a sneak peak! (And also a summary of wtf is going on, bc otherwise the scene makes no sense)

She Who Became The Sun AU were Ouyang didn't get the chance to kill Chaghan, and as a result, his plans took longer to unfold. This gives them time for 1) Esen to process his disilusionment with his father and start realizing how shitty he is, 2) Wang Baoxiang tries to be petty and pissed at Esen and basically just tells him how uncomfortable he makes Ouyang sometimes. This backfires spectacularly. Baoxiang will never forgive himself for being the one that got Ouyang a relationship. 3) Esen gets to actually see Ouyang start spiraling, and 4) Esen finally realizing and coming to terms with his own dumbassery. I genuinely believe he was getting there in canon, his father's death just derailed the impending development. With more time and pressure I think both he and Ouyang would have managed to truly become the cringefail couple they were meant to be.

Esen and Ouyang scene below the cut!

“Please, Ouyang,” Esen grasped at Ouyang’s hands with a hollow hunger that Ouyang had never seen in his lord before.

And then, he did the unthinkable:

“I’m sorry.”

Esen lowered himself, debased himself, let his knees touch the ground before Ouyang’s feet, and as he stared up, as Ouyang’s vision swam and almost blacked out at the wrongness of it, he apologized.

“I’m sorry. Please, I’m so sorry.”

Ouyang collapsed. He crumpled to the ground, undone.

Or perhaps, it was better to say that something inside him gave way, and like a building on fire being ravaged from the inside, his foundations and walls turned to ash under him and, unable to keep himself upright, he folded into the fires below.

Esen met his blank stare with a squeeze of a hand, Ouyang’s hand.

“I’ve failed you. I called you my general, and still I have been so careless with you. I never thought about it, but I’ve been hurting you this whole time, and you never let it show- No, I never realized. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry.” 

It was easier to stare at Esen now that they were both on the floor. Ouyang was still shorter than him, here, still had to look up to avoid his gaze and only had to look forwards to avoid it.

It all still felt wrong. It was the certainty that this scene had never been written out, was never meant to happen. He could feel it, trapped behind his eyes and as cold as the steppes in winter.

And yet, a rage long-repressed rose up within him still.

“How dare you.”

Esen’s molten-gold hands could still tighten around his, Ouyang found out.

“Why now? Why? After so many years, why do you care now?”

Why were his tears cold, on his cheek, when he had caught ablaze with impotent rage? Even as he yelled, he knew there was no bite behind his words, not for Esen. Perhaps only for his own tounge.

“I care about you.”

“You’re not meant to. Not like this.”

“I do. I want to fix this, fix us.”

“I’m a thing. I belong to you, you can’t apologize, not like this.  This isn’t how it’s meant to happen.”

“Ouyang,” and Esen, sweet Esen, who had not once commanded him, brushed his chin softly with his fingers. It was only the barest touch, but Ouyang’s eyes snapped up, as if he had been waiting for permission, “It already has. I want to hear you. Tell me why you won’t allow yourself to accept this.”

“I’m just your general.” Ouyang muttered as Esen’s thumb sizzled away his tears. 

And then Esen pulled Ouyang towards him by his collar, until his cheek was pressed against the crown of his head and his white-hot hands branded his nape and back. 

“Exactly. There is no one in the world I trust half as much as you, no one else I want by my side. I've told you before, you're my best friend, my general. You've always done me proud. Please, let me in. I want to help you be as happy as you've made me."

And as Ouyang sat there, his forehead pressed against his lord’s shoulder, he closed his eyes and let himself sob out all the cold that remained behind his eyes. 

And at last Ouyang lets himself burn.