#fend it off whenever I listen. So actually maybe I don't like it still. It's annoying

[cetitan]

Cuteness overload

[droplet-dread-cat]

Not a single moment goes by where I don't think about Sampo "volunteering" at Belobog's museum

like, listen... he has the (technically second, since he has 93 points and a random NPC has 94 but still) highest tour duration and the actual highest education value stats but absolutely zero visitor appeal

this means whenever he's uh... "helping out" (aka being forced to work by the Trailblazer) he's constantly side-eyed and sneered at and just generally avoided but when someone accidentally catches wind of how interesting his tour actually is, they can't help but stay and listen as Sampo tells them about the history of, idk, art theft linked to the paintings that are currently displayed on the wall and I feel like they don't even notice for just how long they've listened before Sampo declares the tour's end

or maybe the tours are all equally long so the tour duration stat just states how many hours in a month that character is volunteering - which I'd honestly prefer in that case, since it'd mean Sampo's basically working an entire job at the museum

it's just... aaaaah, it's such a great starting point for an AU

Museum Tourguide!Sampo AU

imagine the Trailblazer hiring both Sampo and Gepard (who btw has the second highest education value out of the non-NPC characters behind Sampo, the second highest appeal at 83 points right behind the Supreme Guardian herself who has 85, but a tour duration of 5) for the art section of the museum

first of all Gepard constantly looks like he's swallowed a lemon when he's catching sight of Sampo just casually working.

secondly, this is a great set-up. not even from a shipping perspective. there'd be an inevitable rivalry of knowledge between the two - imagine they're working five metres apart from each other and when people come to Gepard for questions (let's be real, no-one goes to Mr. Cold Feet for answers), Sampo will just shout it over the heads of the visitors and Gepard, once again, will be livid af. like it's growing into a game of who can answer the fastest and they oftentimes have disputes, since Gepard obviously only knows the official stories and not the dirty bits that Sampo can bring to light.

in any case, apart from the work dynamic with Gepard, Sampo also has to interact with Uldan, this no-nonsense gramps who was instructed by the Trailblazer to "fend off Sampo's wandering fingers" - every time Sampo tries to pickpocket someone, Uldan will play up the senile grandpa act and do a whole bit where he acts like Sampo's his actual (grand)son, making it virtually impossible for Sampo to commit any crimes within his vicinity because Uldan will just scold him super loud, like "I didn't raise you like that, young man!"

and the thing is. Sampo is good at this whole volunteer thing. he excels at it, in fact, and I feel like with every tour he guides he enjoys it more and the people, too, grow to appreciate him more the longer he works at the museum. we all know where this is headed, right? there comes a point in time where Sampo doesn't follow a lead or initiate contact with a potential client and instead heads to the museum to cover a shift. I'm definitely not saying he gives up on his ways entirely but in my mind he inevitably becomes an actual staff member. sooner or later, Uldan's going to ask him to stay permanently and I mean, come on, the angst potential? the questioning of morals and identity? the realization that he wants to work a legitimate job? come oooooon

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s3 ep1: Basics pt 2

I don't think I've seen this one in a long time, maybe even since it first aired, because it's actually a bit different, and slightly better, than I remembered.

I did remember lots of redshirts getting killed off, and aside from wondering how they'll have any crew left when they keep dying, it was so much worse now that I've actually been paying attention to the background crewmembers and recognizing them and learning their names and the actors who played them this time around. I was absolutely biting my nails when I realized they were setting up Hogan to be the next to die- he's been in most of last season's eps, and I really did like him, and his death was sooo overtly telegraphed, like oh my god, don't be that stupid you guys! Don't kill him off that stupidly! But they did. At least everyone was properly horrified and saddened by his death, but yeah, Neelix, you should blame yourself! Who the heck tells someone to stay and pick up bones at the mouth of a cave on an alien planet where there could be unknown creatures?! Did he not think, hmm, I wonder what killed the person whose bones are sitting at the mouth of a deep dark cave?? Hogan sure did, but he listened to Neelix, and now he got eaten by a giant worm dragon. Great work Neelix, that'll boost morale! (I want to not hate Neelix, really I do, he wasn't trying to get him killed, but oh my god, this stupid writing is not helping me like him at all.)

I also remembered the badly thought out aliens on the planet. Even though it's not Earth, and they're not supposed to be cave people technically, I still hate whenever sci-fi or fantasy shows try to depict 'primitive' cultures. They always end up being violent and superstitious and having grunty 'uga buga oo' type language, and it feels too close to old timey racist caricatures of actual tribal societies for comfort. Having them kidnap Kes, the beautiful blonde girl, presumably because their men find her more attractive than their own women(!!) and must have her for themselves, is just another awful, racist, sexist trope that upholds western colonialist beauty standards, which we should not have been doing anymore, even in the 90s.

Aside from that, seeing the crew try to make do on the planet without their technology was interesting. I loved that we found out that Tuvok taught archery and made a bow, plus he looked super cool with his archery gear. Using the crew's hair to kindle fires was a nice touch- all those women crewmembers with their long hair that men usually consider frivolous just saved them all, ha!

And of course, Tom's shuttle survived, and he gets to do some major hero stuff- he's repairing the heavily damaged shuttle, while fending off Kazon attacks, and actually manages to destroy a Kazon scout ship that's twice the size of his little damaged shuttle! And he gets to the Talaxians, convinces them to come help, and comes up with a plan to retake Voyager, on the fly! And it works! Chakotay better be nice to him from now on, because he totally saved everyone's ass here, with only the Doctor and Suder for help.

Suder was the character with the arc that really surprised me here. I always remembered disliking his character, probably because Meld was such a bad episode, but actually, they gave him some very thoughtful material here. Seeing how desperately Suder actually does want to get better, and how close he is to finally overcoming his desire to kill people, and get close to a normal life, only to realize that he's going to have to kill people again to survive, is truly heartbreaking. Brad Dourif gives a very fine performance as we see Suder struggle with knowing that the only way for him to help his crew will be to lose himself again, and everthing he worked so hard for. The Doctor's attitude towards him feels rather insensitive and dismissive considering the utter devastation the situation presents to Suder, but in a way, it just adds to the tragedy. At the very least, the Doctor gives him some actual positive words of encouragement and belief in him when he leaves him with the task of carrying out Tom's plan. Suder's final scene is almost Shakespearean in it's sense of inescapeable tragic fate. He has to kill all the Kazon to save the ship, and it kills him inside, and he has to die while redeeming himself with his first and final act of selflessness. It's an unexpectedly moving scene.

Suder's sacrifice enables Tom and the Talaxians to retake Voyager, Seska dies from the system overload, and the surviving Kazon flee. (They took some escape pods though, which I'm sure they never return- how do they still have any left later??) They pick up the rest of the crew, and Tom tells them how Suder saved the day before he died. (And hopefully someone tells Chakotay that Seska's baby is actually Cullah's! Which honestly, thank goodness, because you know they'd have been chasing that kid around the quadrant for another season at least, and then what would they do with it? There's already one baby on the ship to have baby plots with, we don't really need another one, nor do we need all the Chakotay angst that would have gone with it. Thank heaven they tossed that plot thread out the window!)

Overall, this one was actually better than I remembered. I wasn't fond of the 'primitive' aliens, or the gratuitous redshirt deaths, but Suder's death was a meaningful conclusion to his story arc, and Seska's death brought her arc to a fitting end as well, with her hubris in thinking she could outsmart the Federation crew bringing about her downfall. Though tbh, it wasn't even the whole crew who outsmarted her, it was literally just Tom Paris. Lol get wrecked Seska! But actually, her death scene was pretty sad, how she tried to get to her baby- even though she's a terrible person, she's still a new mom who won't get to see her kid grow up. And they even gave Cullah a small moment of humanity when he was genuinely upset by her death. (Now let's be done with the Kazon forever please!)

Tl;dr: a fast paced adventure story that brought some of last season's story arcs to a fitting conclusion, with an unexpectedly heartbreaking turn from Brad Dourif as Suder.

[amememightywarrior]

Mom's Adventures in Eorzea I

Since Twitter is imploding, I'm preserving my play by plays of my mom adventuring with me in Eorzea and her reaction to MSQ.

Let's begin! Go to part 2

Aug. 31, 2019

So I've gotten my mom to try FFXIV and she is level 14 right now and practicing her targeting/killing moves!

Current skills we are working on: the basic archer rotation, targeting, switching targets when more than one critter is aggroed...and noticing when things are dead/she's being attacked.

She likes that chocobo porter thing

Cue eyerolls at Beatin's name

"Yeah, that's pretty creepy" - my mom about the Monoa mask

"Why are they all just standing there?"

"Small budget."

This just in, we made it to Limsa Lominsa! Next up: Ul'dah!

She is now roaming around Ul'dah, ignoring all unsolicited FC invites from strangers

*stares at Ifrit-egi* "What's the flaming thing?"

Level 16!

She thought the aesthetician was hilarious. We're done for the day, just before unlocking Sastasha. Not sure if she'll survive her first dungeon experience...I will have to conscript my friends into helping her!

Dec. 8, 2019

Okay, got a trial account set up for my mom so I could actually help her in-game...

...she went max-height max-muscle femroe this time.

7'3'' of pure power, smacks ladybugs with books

Dec. 15, 2019

weewooweewoo my mom's femroe is loose in eorzea again

eventually within the next hour this laptop will get it together and I will be able to follow her around in-game maybe

my fps is low so I'm running super slow my mom is now making fun of my short legs

I just took her for the laggiest ride in eorzea

She's doing the orange harvesting quest and whenever the flower wesp spawns I'm just yelling "BEES BEEEEEES BEEEEEEEEEEEES" the look on her face tells me this is not helpful

i'm so proud look at her go

she put on the level 5 caster gear and yelled "I LOOK LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF THE HOBBIT"

Feb. 16, 2020

Mom's femroe made it to level 12...lots of 'why am i getting hit???' 'oh my god' 'okay wait i remember how to do this' 'no i don't' meanwhile, I just cast a regen as she panics, get all the aggro, and Gravity everything to death once she's done beating up a couple mobs.

Apr. 19, 2020

*puts together a 'running around with mom' glam that looks like normal IRL clothes* LET'S SEE IF SHE NOTICES

My mom: "I noticed the shorts. I CAN RECOGNIZE THOSE CARGO SHORTS ANYWHERE."

Me: "Is it easier to tell what's going on with the voices [instead of reading the fairly small text]"

Mom: "....maybe...even if the voice acting is..." ARR voice acting gets a negative mark from my mom, officially

May 3, 2020

my mom just fell asleep listening to ARR Minfilia like...mid button press

Jul 4, 2020

My mom has named her chocobo Kweh.

"What do you want to name it?" "Hmmmm.....that sound it makes." "'Kweh'?" "Yes!"

Jul 7, 2020

Mom: "What's that blue thing following you" Me: "that's my friend he keeps me company" Mom: "that reminds me I should summon mine" *summons carbuncle*

Jul 19, 2020 (DragonQuest collab)

My mom's reaction to getting 'ze puff-puff' was a mix of '???' and 'wtf' and ' :O ' when the puff-puff was revealed XD

I also showed her my Cells at Work! cosplays and she thought they were pretty good although she was totally groaning at yet another reference to Cells at Work

Jul 28, 2020 (moonfire faire)

okay my mom is level 27 i can get her to get to 30 before the event and we can fend off giant muscle shark TOGETHER

Aug 15, 2020

doing the seasonal event at last with my mom~

she ran from the giant bomb at the very end and didn't get credit RIP

hmm she still didn't get credit, gonna have to try doing it for her...

okay she was not getting close enough to do the first dance...just imagine wild flailing and button smashing

her pride was injured since she got partial credit so she has gone back to do it again by herself

:D

"I didn't realize she was so green, can I change that" rip she'll have to get that free fantasia

Aug 22, 2020

Me as my mom is logging in: Eeeey look at you, in your summer outfit Mom: That's right, and I'm gonna wear it all summer!!

Wilred: "and sorry for trying to kill you" Mom: Lame she dislikes him already

Aug 23, 2020

My mom quickly formed a low opinion of Trachtoum and then laughed when the miller put him in his place. Then she lost the rock competition and said her ego would kill her if she didn’t beat him on normal

My mom did not like that her new upgrade did not disguise itself as her summer flame pareo immediately

Her max height Roegadame reeling at the smell of Brayflox's cheese was priceless, she practically vaulted out of camera view

Sept. 19, 2020

Mom: *sees someone on Midgardsormr* I want a dragon... Me: You'll get one Mom: Hmm...still not as cool as the sparkle lightning horse. Me: Oh that...I have that Mom: =_= Oh? Then why are we riding your flea-bitten chocobo instead?? Me: ...it's...not a 2-seater... Mom: figures

Sept 26, 2020

My mom is taller than Haurchefant

Oct 11, 2020

My mom was deeply offended by the professor's students who kept giving us the wrong kind of corrupted crystal, so when the third one tried to joke that we had gotten earth-aspected her face was like =_=

She's made it past Garuda in MSQ, right now I'm just unsyncing the trials to help her with mechanics

She has 4 whole minions now and decided to change it from her brickman...however she discovered she hates the goobbue sprout, called it a mushroom and went 'ew' when it sneezed XD She really likes the airship though

Oct 17, 2020

Your daily sploot as my mom plays through MSQ

mom just called Minfilia 'pink bustier'

my dog totally chewed up my second gaming mouse rip

I don't care about the teeth marks but I DO care that she deformed the rubber portion of the scroll wheel so I can't scroll...

Made it to Mor Dhona! yaaay

she's like half an inch taller than Biggs

Oct 27, 2020

it's getting to the point where I should probably learn how to play SMN so I can help my mom out I've programmed her crossbar for future and was like "THERE ARE SO MANY BUTTONS WHERE DO I PUT THEM ALL" Last time she played I set up the WXHB but I don't know how this will go

Our latest adventure involved the Gold Saucer, also. She got to do Air Force One and said it was fun XD She also enjoyed the Haunted Manor illusions although she had limited options due to being in ARR.

Fingers crossed I can show her leap of faith although the floating city is kinda rough, we might wanna aim for the other one...I think that's on a schedule, right?

oh good the catboy at the counter in GC gives me the schedule

ANYWAY she's getting close to the end of ARR now, so I have to make her do leveling dungeon once each play session XD fun times. I will most likely unsync castrum and prae so she doesn't have to deal with buttheads potentially

Nov 7, 2020

My mom hit level 49 today! I eagerly took her into leveling, thinking we'd get a good chunk in, but... ...fucking Garuda twice in a row =\

Anyway she should hit 50 tomorrow! Then I'll take her through Castrum and Prae (unsynced for Prae for sure, otherwise the usual PUG speed means she'll be running through in utter confusion and not processing anything)

I'm kinda on the fence about castrum unsynced. It's a bit less annoying with a full group so I don't have to do e v e r y t h i n g but I also don't like salty people near my mom so...hm.

also she was like "So when do I get to see the fanzine you contributed to?" and I was like "*NERVOUS SIDE-EYING* uh when you're caught up with me" the struggles of spoiler territory

Nov 8, 2020

Well mom and I were gearing up to hit castrum but then my dad called from the grocery store because he forgot his wallet

And then the internet died

made it through castrum! But with all the delays, no Prae today...ah well

Nov 14, 2020

it's time time to take my mom through prae

me: LOOK WE'RE IN A CUTSCENE TOGETHER mom: oh okay

mom, in old creaking voice while watching Gaius: it is your destiny, Luke

ground targeting on controller is tough :X

mom, watching Nero: so...a jealous classmate?

so in cutscenes she takes up the entire side of the screen she's on for me, while in her cutscenes Ameme is either hidden behind her or is just a little face staring in a corner

Mom: that was fun she likes dodging lasers???

The Praetorium completion time: 68:19

sorry lalas and lala fans, my mom still thinks lalafells walk like toddlers carrying a full load in the diapers

Well she unlocked flying but can't seem to fly with her company chocobo, not sure what we have to do to fix that...

Nov 15, 2020

mom used her free fantasia to make her roegadame less green

mom has just discovered minfilia's butt window

'is that her butt hanging out of a hole?' 'yep' 'whyyyy'

Nov 20, 2020

Nov 22, 2020

Nov 23, 2020

Nov 24, 2020

me: so the theme for this primal sounds just like This Is Halloween mom: *after a few measures* you know I'm pretty sure it IS This Is Halloween

elidibus is so small compared to her

on Teledji Adeledji: "A toddler with a goatee"

Nov 27, 2020

Mom back on MSQ, aka the rise and fall of alphinaud’s ego

So far most of playtime has been spent terrorizing her by asking her to find places on her own

Her sense of direction in games is a travesty because she does not look for landmarks ever

Mom was like “THEY STOLE THAT FROM TRUE LIES!! Is he going to pee his pants next??” after we got to Trachtuom

Leviathan vanquished~

She has found post ARR story much more interesting so far and I have promised her it gets better

Nov 28, 2020

and we are back at it again, time to watch my mom get lost in limsa

i will eventually get my mom to call mor dhona 'more donuts'

i drew a terrible map to show her what's going on with the refugees and Ala Mhigo in the hopes that she will remember somewhat in the future

Nov 29, 2020

last day of vacation, how far can we get my mom through MSQ...? maybe she will meet Ysayle!

mor dhona currently pronounced 'more dunna' after I said 'more donuts' she said 'didn't you promise me sprinkles' but she actually meant sparkly gear so she could see herself better

mom on urianger: "he sounds like a pompous preacher"

"Why do they call her Antecedent?" I had to look the word up, it means 'precursor', mom was like 'maybe she founded the organization' and I was like 'yep'

I'm waiting for her to get locked out because we haven't done the hard ARR primal modes yet XD

All right so we ended up finishing When the Cold Sets In because the cold has indeed set in so we have to walk Brie at a certain time every day so it's not too cold/dark. I think next session I'll have her do the primals since that's coming up soon anyway...

Dec 5, 2020

and we're back at it! Watching my mom run around the Toll trying to find the crystal brave recruits now

she's gotten more self-sufficient so I'm not leading her around by the hand anymore in small areas XD

"It says to talk to Tataru in Rising Stones" "and where is that" *excited* "WAIT IT'S OVER HERE :D"

I also showed her Yoshi-P showing off the snowman mount, the momora mora minion, and the giant beaver she asked where the beaver's tail was and I was like 'I dunno I'm pretty sure it's a vampiric hamster'

must...restrain...hatred...of ilberd...

she's really navigating eorzea all on her own...i'm so proud...

eeey she passed the 'find the rising stones after I dump you in a random spot in the Toll's aetheryte plaza' test

she failed the 'go to the waking sands' pop quiz, sadly

Ifrit hard down, and done for the day!

Dec 6, 2020

time to terrorize my mom with the 'how do you get to the waking sands' game

she hates titan once more

she just went 'eh *handwiggle*' at aymeric's voice the judgment has been passed

'you know what his voice reminds me of? those 17th century lords and ladies with their lace and their snuff. bleah'

her reaction to Lucia was just 'who's blondie?' and then a heavy sigh when I refused to tell her

upon seeing me riding the great serpent of ronka pot: 'are you riding a wine cask?!'

okay, quit just before snowcloak, we'll do that dungeon next weekend ran around the gold saucer for a bit at the end XD

verdict on the senor sabotender weapons: "No."

Dec 12, 2020

Mom just called Varis "Mr Discontent"

Ilberd: let's be sneaky Mom, sarcastically: Oh yeah I'll be very unnoticeable wherever I go

she just got her evenstar coat, I told her to put it on

"OH MY GOD MY BOOBS ARE HANGING OUT" "IT TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE I COULD BE IN A CASINO" "I THINK IT'S PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY"

*5 minutes later* "So when do I get to stop looking like a circus clown?" XD she doesn't like the skirt on it

Oooo we're about to meet Moenbryda!

She's taller than Moenbryda ahahaha

on Urianger and Moenbryda: "...he doesn't like her?" me: oh he likes her... *Moen picks Uri up* ...she just does that.

her current feelings: voice acting is better, story is more interesting, but there is a LOT of talking at least Minfilia isn't instantly putting her to sleep anymore.

Dec 13, 2020

Mom: "Alphinaud causing problems yet again..."

Mom, to Roaille: *muttering* gonna smack you with my book Me: your book with two ipads attached? Mom: yeah

Mom: *watching Teledji Adeledji be evil* ...is he about to bump [the sultana] off? I hope she keeps a blade in her bodice

"I can't imagine what my shirt would look like if I had chosen big boobs" ahahahahaha

NPC: "So she was a double agent!" Mom: "Sounds more like triple" Me: "...IT WAS THE ASCIANS WHO HAD HER FUNDING HERETICS!! A QUADRUPLE AGENT!!"

Yuyuhase casting aspersions on Riol's spy ability HOW DARE

keeper of the lake unlocked and ready for the next play session~

Dec 19, 2020

Mom and I successfully cleared Keeper of the Lake! No wipes even on Midgardsormr!

she's making fun of how slow Midgardsormr speaks ahaha

she promptly summoned him as a minion

"So now I've lost the protection I didn't even know I had?"

Middy: I REMEMBER, HYDAELYN...AND I CONSENT Me: Consent is important! Mom: What is he talking about???

It's Starlight time with Mom~

"I feel like we just finished watching a Hallmark movie" "...and not enough vaccines to go around...WHEN DID THEY WRITE THIS?? =\ "

she actually started wheezing at the snowman mount as we bounced around central shroud

when it was time to log out, she specifically went out of the Rising Stones so she could log out as a snowman

Dec 20, 2020

Mom: I liked her, it's a pity they killed her off RIP Moenbryda next up: HILDIBRAND for some whiplash

"It's very slapstick/vaudeville" after snorting with laughter at Hildy on top of the tower posing

"So...he's not a zombie?" "No...but he survived all of that..." "Including the burial..." "Yeah. We don't know what he's made of." "I'm going with 'mostly ego'."

sighs of annoyance as she gets lost in Ul'dah

I asked her if she liked it so far and she said 'Yeah, it's pretty funny!'

during the salamander oil section when hildy's getting all orgasmic: "At this point I would've knocked him in and held his head under the water"

"So...we didn't find anything." "I mean Nashu got the hair ointment"

her roe is so fucking tall the card went flying half-hidden at the bottom of the screen omg

Dec 24, 2020

here we go again

We are on Mask of Grief. Closing in on HW!!

Dragons fly overhead. “Where are they going??” “Ishgard!” “Well that’s not good”

Brostinien spotted

“Why can’t I ride my snowman indoors!!?? :( “

Alphinaud was such a terrible negotiator back then

Hahaha watching him get slapped down by Merlwyb...still funny

“You would entrust the future of Eorzea to a bunch of sellswords??” Alphinaud we are right here how DARE

Pranks mom by photobombing with snowman any time she talks to an NPC

Steps of Faith here we come! *sits in queue*

Success. Much easier nowadays I have to say.

Mom when Minfilia gets an invite to a banquet: “is this a trap”

I showed her Thancred and all his girlfriends and she shook her head

She wanted to log out on her snowman

Dec 25, 2020

it's time fingers crossed we can get to the end of post-ARR...

mom laughing at Tataru's arcanist mishaps

when WoL just nods: "well I'm certainly supportive =\ "

she loves the beach when there's no sand to torture her, like the real beach she was stuck at the other day

after Tataru glances back fondly in cutscene: "WHAT was that look. It PORTENDS something TERRIBLE. She's going to TURN INTO SOMETHING--"

Chewchewchewchew

Whenever my mom goes into the rising stones, she just smashes her character's face into the door before selecting the entrance

Minfilia talking about how she'd rather stay home than go to the party and I feel that

Riol briefing us, I remind my mom that Mirage Trust is owned by Teledji and she said "I had a feeling" he's one of the few characters she can remember XD

mom when she's flying to the place to meet Alianne: "Another chance to use my snowman :D"

just got the long cutscene warning, here it comes

mom as nanamo lifts cup to her lips: "She's being poisoned!!" as nanamo falls: "that wasn't obvious at all"

When the vial is revealed: "So that's what it was for!"

Ilberd: "The poison did its work swiftly. Her handmaiden can attest to that." Mom, pretending to be handmaiden: "Yes, I made the batch myself!"

Teledji Adeledji bisected: "*nod* I like it."

Raubahn's arm removed: "Gross!"

Other alliance members leave: "Abandon ship!"

Raubahn frees WoL: "All right! I'm gonna whip out my book and wave it!"

"They killed everyone off for the new thingy? And just when I started getting used to their names..."

Me: "Alphinaud's having a crisis" Mom: "~it's all my faaaault~" Me: "It IS his fault!!" Mom: "Yeah, it is..."

lord, post-ARR Midgardsormr voice acting

And we are done!! Next session: Heavensward!

[whats-wild-to-you]

The Perfect Plan (Jay Park fiction)

Part 4

Later that day, Dana finally contacted me, asking to meet me for coffee. I said yes, mainly because I wanted to find out how she knew those people:

“I’m so sorry!” She said as she walked through the door. I was already waiting, casually sipping on my cappuccino.

“You should be. You left me there, among strangers, to fend for myself.”

“But you’re okay. Yay!”

“Dana, honestly, that was a little fucked up. But fortunately I met a nice guy.”

“Oooh, tell me more!”

“It was the guy you saw me with at the bar.”

“Right! Harry! You were chatting with him at the bar. No, wait! Actually there was one more. You fox!”

“Don’t remind me of him.”

“Why not? While you were chatting with Harry, Jay was practically staring at you as if you were the main course.”

“How do you even know who these people are?”

“I used to have a little something going on with one of their friends years ago.”

“OMG! Who? Spill!”

“Simon Dominic.”

“What? Girl, your taste is weird. He’s creepy as hell.”

“What? No! You got it all wrong, they’re just being careful.”

“I heard that line before.”

<Jennifer’s POV>

2 months went by, life seemingly went back to normal. From time to time I looked at Harry’s number in my contacts. I never met him again after that one time he introduced me to the other artists from H1GHR and AOMG. I thought about contacting him first but didn’t want to seem like I’m forcing myself on him.

Driven by curiosity, I would play their songs for weeks on end, my ears getting familiar with all their voices. One, in particular, stood out.

It was Mr. Creepy.

Their CEO, Park Jaybum.

Jay Park.

He was living, breathing, sex on legs. It bothered me, the fact that he bothered me. After listening to his songs, listening to his voice, I wouldn’t be able to sleep, stirred with all kinds of emotions.

Yes, he was sexy, flirty and everything in between but in my dreams it wasn’t his face I kept searching for. Harry appeared in my dreams frequently. He was kind and friendly, exactly the type of guy I could see myself falling in love with.

~

<Harry’s POV>

“Someone needs to call Jay!”

“Hyung, why don’t you do it?” Minsik scanned the photos that were posted on Instagram. “This looks bad.”

It was the weekend. Jay was at home, resting and I’d rather not bother him. But Minsik was right, it looked bad.

My thumb hovered over Jay’s name in my contacts. Right above Jennifer’s. I had promised to call her, meet her again. But I didn’t. Couldn’t, actually.

Not after I saw the face Jay made whenever I casually talked about Jennifer. He looked as if he was in actual pain. Jennifer’s words got to him. And he never allowed other people’s opinion to get to him. I knew he liked her, although he always denied it, knew that he thought about her, but didn’t dare to bring up her name in conversations. Not when he was hurting, not when he was still licking his wounds.

Shrugging off these thoughts, I sent Jay a quick text.

We have a problem. You need to come down here.

<Jay’s POV>

The phone pinged when I was lazily draped over the couch, browsing through NETFLIX.

“Problem?” I sighed. I couldn’t catch a break these days.

I’m omw.

I put on shoes and grabbed my car keys on the way out.

“They what?”

“Someone snuck in and took photos.”

“What the… Who would do such a thing?”

I took a better look at the photos this person included in their Instagram post. They were from that event 2 months ago. When Harry brought Jennifer to the VIP. They snapped pictures of me with the bimbos surrounding me like moths. Jennifer was right. I was a creep.

“Jennifer works in PR. Maybe she can help spin this.” Harry suggested.

"Maybe she was the one who took these photos!" Simon uttered.

“Hyung, I know you don't trust her but she was with us, this couldn't have been her! We need to figure out what to do with these!” Minsik exclaimed, pointing to the photos.

“We wait. This is obviously someone who wants to inflict damage on us.” I said. I wasn’t eager to add Jennifer to the mix. Not when it wasn’t absolutely necessary. I would deal with this myself.

I wrote a lengthy post on Instagram and mentioned that person, claiming that what they said was false.

People who knew me, knew that I would never do these kinds of things.

I was sure that it would be enough to stop the rumors and comments at once. But unfortunately, I was wrong. All it did was adding more fuel to the fire. Suddenly, reporters started showing up outside AOMG and H1GHR offices, waiting for me, asking for a statement.

<Harry’s POV>

I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. Not when I knew someone who was able to help. But how could I get her opinion and help without having to tell her what it was about? Suddenly a thought hit me. Jennifer probably already saw this. She’s probably all over social media.

Quickly, I texted her, hoping that she would answer.

Hey, how are you? I’m sorry I haven’t contacted you, but things here were hectic.

It’s okay, you’re obviously very busy.

I actually have a favor to ask of you.

Sure. What is it about?

Can we meet in person?

Absolutely!

I met Jennifer at a nearby café.

"I'm sure you've seen it already, but we're having sort of like a little situation."

"You mean the photos someone published on Instagram of Jay and the 3 ladies?"

"Exactly!"

"Jay tried to clean that up, didn't he? He did a terrible job!"

"That's why I asked to meet you. I think we need professional help."

"Does Jay know you're here?"

I shook my head. I couldn't imagine what he would say to me if he knew.

"Well, if you want my professional opinion, first of all he should acknowledge these accusations. People aren't saying he can't meet women, but the photos look like he hired hookers."

"Second, he needs to repair his reputation, whether it’s through a nice act or laying low, that's up to him."

"Third, he needs to listen to what people say on social media, and respond accordingly and not make excuses for his actions. He's picking daily fights on Instagram. Someone should take his phone away from him."

"Lastly, yes, stand your ground, but only where you have ground to stand on. He was supposed to write an apology, but somehow it turned into a justification for his actions. He needs people to sympathize with him, not criticize him for being undiscerning."

I recorded everything Jennifer said, and decided to let Jaybum huyng hear it.

<Jay's POV>

"So you went to the one person I told you not to go to!"

"She has a point whether you like it or not."

"Then let's do a press conference. Address all the issues there."

"What? Jaybum, no!" Simon waved energetically.

"Should I ask Jennie if it's a good idea?"

At the mention of Harry's nickname for Jennifer, I groaned.

"We're doing the press conference!"

***

Part 5

[new-endings]

it’s a gray day; have a whumpy wip.

(reverse omens; raphael is an archangel, living under the guise of crowley, a lower tier angel; azira is the poor demon that raphael lied to for 6 millennia and got his heart broken upon learning the truth) 

takes place at the bus stop after armageddon: 

---

Azira flinches when Raphael— appearing this time as Crowley— approaches.

Raphael opens his mouth, trying to get a word in, but Azira won't let him.

"You shouldn't be here."

Crowley— no...Raphael pauses. It's the same words he greets the demon whenever he shows a little too much enthusiasm at spending time with the angel. 

"They'll come for you, if they knew your involvement. You may be an archangel, but you'll be outnumbered."

"I don't give a damn about that!" Raphael automatically retorts.

For the first time since his arrival, the demon turns to look at him. "Since when?" Azira asks evenly.

This time, it’s Raphael that flinches. He always used that excuse to avoid getting closer to the demon, the excuse to stave off those feelings that have been brewing since the beginning of humanity.

What will my superiors say when they find one of their own fraternising with a demon?

Words he threw out so carelessly before, but Azira had always been undeterred, always saying that he'll be sure to be careful.

(he never was, hence why Raphael had to lie and say he was only manipulating the demon for Heaven’s benefit)

He’ll make it up to him. He will. "Since now," Raphael says, sitting next to him on the bench.

His heart aches when Azira stills before inching away from him. "There's no need. What's done is done. They don't need to punish both of us."

"I won't let you suffer alone— "

"You don't need to be here, Raphael." 

That word, that name, doesn’t sound right coming from Azira's mouth. It was always Crowley. He was always Azira's Crowley.

But Azira's not done. "You have what you want and I have what I want. Perhaps it's time to end this little arrangement—"

"What," Raphael grabs him by the arm, heart splintering when Azira looks at him with fright. "What do you mean—"

"The hellfire. It's yours. And I—" Azira swallows. "I have my earth. I may not have long to enjoy it but—"

"Then come with me,” Raphael pleads. "I'll protect you, I've always—"

"No," Azira gasps. "No, I don't— I'll be fine on my own."

"Azira, no, we both know—"

"Yes, yes, I know, I've always depended on you to keep me safe, isn't that right? Well, it's a damn good thing I'll no longer be your burden to bear!"

"Burden?" Raphael breathes out. Where is this coming from? 

"It's a fine thing you did, hiding your name, hiding your power, hiding your intentions all this time. I know I wouldn't have the patience to pull it off."

"My intentions—"

"Were to manipulate a demon, isn't that right? Gather intel for Heaven?"

The realization sinks in. His demon overheard him and misunderstood. "Azira, wait—"

"I'm no longer of any use to you. When they bring me back, it will be to my execution." He turns to Raphael, the warm, firebright glow that always used to shine when the demon looked at him, dulled to dying embers. "I don't have much time. Please, let me go."

"You're mad if you think I intend on letting you go—I'm telling you, I can protect you! I won't let them hurt you, you know that—"

"By what? hiding me away? Do you have a cozy little prison waiting for me in Heaven where Gabriel can torture me for more information with the bloody Sound of Music—"

Raphael's growing frustrated; time's running out and—he's never had Azira deny him before. Not like this. Not even with the hellfire. "Do you honestly think I’d do that to you!?" Raphael's grip on Azira's arm is beginning to hurt and the demon whimpers under the force. "How long have you known me, Azira? I would never—"

"I don't," Azira gasps, prying his arm from Raphael's grip and scrambling away from him in a panic. "I don't know who you are."

Raphael's heart breaks. "It's me. Yes, I lied about my name and my position in Heaven but that's all—Azira, I swear to you! I lied to the others so they wouldn't suspect a thing when they saw us together—"

"So you lied about being worried that your superiors might catch you?!"

"Azira!" Raphael knows he should be apologizing, begging for forgiveness, but he can't stand that look of contempt on his demon's face, not when that face had only ever shown him warmth and happiness when they were together.

"I loved him, did you know that?" Azira breathes out, eyes wet.

Something ugly twisted in Raphael's chest at the admission. "Who?"

Who is he? who stole your heart after all this time? After I thought you had only wanted mine?

"Crowley," Azira says, tears streaking down his face.

Raphael’s heart stops. "Azira..." A delirious warmth spread throughout his chest. Raphael wants to gather the demon in his arms, kiss him until the tears stopped and kiss him more after that. "I'm here, Azira, please— I lo—"

"But he was a lie too, wasn't he?"

that’s all i have so far. 

the idea i had in my head was a reverse!omens with a demon aziraphale and an archangel raphael who lives on earth under the alias of crowley

the gist of the whumps is that azira fell and fell hard for crowley and crowley....cared about him (this is really a reversal) and only learned to love him much later on—

only for aziraphale to realize that the person he fell in love with is a lie.

crowley never existed. only an archangel who lied to him for millennia

it's the reverse of Good Omens too in that azira is very open in his adoration and (giant) crush on crowley, but crowley always played it off, at first believing that— well azira's a demon so that's a no-go, but also later on when he does start admitting to himself that he cares for the demon a lot more, he ALSO puts the barrier up because... he knows now that he's putting the demon he genuinely cares about in danger by being with him

later on, when they have an argument over hellfire (crowley wants it as insurance; he may be powerful, but so are the other archangels), crowley calls their tentative whatever it is "fraternising" and it honestly breaks azira's heart 

like poor azira, he genuinely thinks that maybe there's a chance that he could be more than just good company to have, someone the angel can converse with over wine about topics that he can't with other humans—

but it's there that azira gets this feeling that crowley...might just be using him. 

it. hurts.

but azira's in love and has been in love for so long, and against himself, he gives crowley the hellfire anyways. he leaves it there, warming the cold, barren hearth of crowley's apartment

in the attempts at botching the Armageddon, azira misplaced the antichrist. crowley's furious, not really at the demon, no, but azira's right there and a target of the archangel's panic and ire

azira recommends that they run off together and crowley scoffs at the idea

in crowley's mind, he knows that he won't be able to protect them both this time. he won't be able to fend off the other archangels who not only want his blood, but his demon's as well

crowley needs a plan and needs it fast. and— he can't have azira flubbing it this time

((raphael, obviously stronger than azira, has spent maaany millennia saving the demon. weird, it's almost the spoilt thing wants to be rescued))

he tells azira to leave and go home; he already made a mess of things as it is and that he'll call azira if he needs something

((further cementing the feeling azira has that crowley is only using him))

heartbroken, azira leaves but not before finding the book of prophecy the witch-girl left after crowley, in his panic-stricken mind, actually ran over (she was okay; azira made sure she survived) he goes through it, poring over it and understanding the prophecies and goes to crowley to show him what he's found out— show him that he's not just a burden—

only to sense the powerful presence of several archangels

azira panics— what if they found out what crowley was up to? what if they take him, or worse, punish him for trying to avert armageddon?

he hides his presence (a neat little trick he picked up; very useful when following the trail of the angel you love) and listens in on the conversation and nearly has a heart attack when crowley drops the façade and shows his form, his true form, the archangel raphael

heartbreak 1: crowley lied to him. in fact, worse: crowley was the lie himself. the being that azira loved and cherished never existed

heartbreak 2: the archangels are talking to Raphael about the demon that he was supposedly 'manipulating' in order to gain intel (a lie Raphael came up with so that they wouldn't be suspicious about why he was hanging around a demon so much); of course, azira believes them and understands, truly, that he was just being toyed with from the start

heartbreak 3: Raphael sounds like he's all for war (he's not; he's playing the role the archangels expect him to) ready to eradicate the legions of hell and bring an end to this miserable world (the world azira loves, the world where he feels he belongs, the world where he fell in love and almost believed himself to have a chance at being loved in return)

azira leaves and vows to fix things

he doesn't need crowley, raphael, whoever— he is

he'll stop armageddon himself if he needs to

azira goes to track down the boy himself using the prophecies from the witch's book meanwhile, raphael is panicking; the plans are underway and even speaking to the metatron doesn't give him access to speak to God— his last-ditch effort

he thinks back to azira's stupid suggestion—that they run off together—and a part of him is desperate enough to believe that even prolonging their demise would be enough.

he can't—won't fight azira in the battlefields. and he'll slay his own kin if they so much as raise a sword to his demon

he's calling azira's bookshop but there's no answer. he goes there himself and finds it engulfed in flames

hell has found his demon and raphael gives up all hope

it’s azira that finds Adam and is the one to single-handedly convince him to stop armageddon, that he doesn't need to be a slave to this supposed destiny of his

meanwhile, crowley watches on, stunned—that his demon is alive and—actually competent?

raphael wants to be there, wants to stand by azira's side so badly

he knows he has a lot to explain, a lot to apologize for, over 6,000 years of lies and deceit but it's that look in azira's eyes from across the tadfield air base that stops raphael in his tracks.

fear

azira is afraid…of him

armageddon is averted all thanks to a demon that loved this world more than anything and no thanks to an archangel who would have committed treason to save the demon he loved

[swiftlythebest]

Can you write me a thing, a small thing, a taste of Levi and Nico doing a beach thing? 'Cuz I'm torn between thinking Levi's all in when it comes to the beach and Nico's seeing deathtraps, or the other way. Hugs and kisses, don't let a$$hoes with too much time and not enough brains get to you. 💕💕💕💕

Thank you thank you thank you. This prompt came to me in the midst of some anon hate bullshit a while back and really helped me. But I need to apologize for it taking SO LONG. I have no real excuse. But I’m starting my new job next week and I find that I like to write after a day of work to unwind, so I will be writing more. As for this ficlet, I just wanted to capture a nice, domestic day for Schmico. I personally saw Levi as the hesitant one just because my headcanon for Nico has him living in a lot of places with access to the beach. I’m a bit rusty, but I think it’s cute. I hope you enjoy!

Nico Kim and Levi Schmitt had just embarked on a long-awaited weekend trip away to a small beach town not too far from Seattle. They had had conflicting shifts for a while, what with Levi starting his first year of residency and Nico adjusting to being a full attending surgeon. After finagling two days off together, Nico immediately insisted they take a trip to the beach. He grew up on the East Coast, going to the Cape and Maine every summer, and then spent his med school and residency years in Southern California; Nico and the beach had a long and wonderful love affair, one that had been put on hold since he moved to Seattle.

“Listen, I love that you love the beach. I love that this trip is so special to you. But Nico, babe, the ocean is terrifying,” Levi was laying down his towel on the small beach, slowly beginning to panic about the day ahead. Even the sight of his beautifully toned, shirtless boyfriend did little to distract him from his worries. He truly was his mother’s son.   

Nico gave a small laugh, “What’s so terrifying? I love the ocean!”

“Okay, first of all, riptide? That’s some crazy shit. I could go into the water here and get out like a mile away! And sharks. There are sharks in the ocean, Nico. And other creepy fish. Also, it’s so weird that basically no one knows what’s in like most of the ocean. You don’t find that terrifying?!”

While Levi was having his little breakdown, Nico had to bite down his smile, ridiculously endeared to his panicky boyfriend. Despite being one of the smartest people Nico had ever met, Levi was still a mess of nerves whenever he was put in a new situation. Levi had spent his whole life in the Pacific Northwest, not venturing much more west than Seattle, meaning he had never actually been to the beach. Sure, he’d visited some lakes in his life, but nothing as vast and unknown as the ocean.

“The riptide is almost nonexistent today. That’s what those flags and signs on the lifeguard station mean. Also, the last shark sighting here was like 20 years ago. You’re going to be fine. And this is just a small beach. Nothing too vast and mysterious here.” Nico knew it was important to acknowledge that Levi’s fears were valid, albeit a bit unrealistic, instead of just shooting it all down as crazy.

“What about the sun, hm? Skin cancer is real and dangerous, Nico! We’re doctors so we need to be aware of that!” Levi was waving his arms around frantically as he spoke, riling himself up more and more with each word.

Nico grabbed Levi’s flapping hands, drawing his attention back towards him. Levi’s face was bright red, his eyes comically wide.

“You put on almost a whole bottle of sunscreen. Like, SPF 70. You’ve done all you can for that. I just want to enjoy a day with you on the beach. We’ll get some hotdogs later and maybe some ice cream. You can read that book you’ve been wanting to finish. We can do that thing where people blatantly hit on me in front of you and then we kiss and watch their reactions. And I’ll be shirtless all day. I give you full permission to ogle.” Nico encircled his arms around Levi’s waist so they were chest to chest and Levi had to look up to meet his eyes. This kind of contact always seemed to calm Levi down and anchor him when he began to spiral.

“If a piece of seaweed touches my feet, I’m done. Taryn told me that she used to think they were eels or evil sea creatures or something,” Levi pouted, prompting Nico to give him a small peck on his jutted out lips.

“We can get out of the water right away and go searching for shells instead.” Levi’s face lit up, clearly just remembering that he could do other things on the beach that did not require him to go in the water.

“Oh, we could have those weird bowls of shells just randomly placed around our home! I love those because why! Also, I need you to step out of the ocean in slo-mo while ruffling your wet hair with your hand. I need that, Nico. For my poor little nerd heart.”

“And your dick. You just have a Baywatch fetish,” Nico smirked as Levi sputtered.

“What’s the point of going to the beach with my ridiculously hot boyfriend if I can’t get just one little Baywatch moment?” Nico threw back his head in a boisterous laugh, overjoyed that Levi was finally loosening up.

“We’ll see.” Nico winked as Levi huffed in mock indignation.

Ultimately, the beach day was a resounding success, with Levi having a great time body surfing and collecting way more shells than necessary. He did complain about the sand creeping into various crevices, but then Nico actually gave him the Baywatch moment he wanted and all complaints disappeared. Even though Nico had to fend off admirers for the rest of the day, it was worth it to see Levi’s utter joy at witnessing that moment. By the end of the day, Levi had to admit that maybe his reservations about the beach were a bit over the top and unfounded; that also didn’t stop him from repeating all of his fears the next day.