#felt this summed up my thoughts pretty well - good read

[jnnul]

mr. brawn and ms. brain

sum: you hate athletes. eunseok is an athlete. eunseok is in love with you. it doesn't take a genius to see that there's an issue with this equation. after a one-sided love for the past three years, eunseok is saved when the two of you are partnered to work on an english project together. which means that eunseok's first step of getting you to fall in love with him is done. next step: get you to give him the time of day... word count: 9.6k a/n: hehe i've been working on this for so long i can't believe it's finally out lol i hope that you all enjoy reading this as much as i loved writing this! <3 someone teach me how to make visually pleasing banners. quick note: feedback, comments, etc. GREATLY encourage writers! if you felt any sort of way (in a good or bad way!) about this fic, pls leave feedback warnings: mentions of reader's insecurities, sungchan being a horrible/amazing friend, simp eunseok, uhh love :D

EUNSEOK SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT TRYING TO WRAP HIS MIND AROUND YOUR SHEER GENIUS WAS A BAD IDEA. you were just so much smarter than him; he didn't know why he thought that he could even comprehend the meaning behind your actions anymore.

at least, this is what song eunseok gathers from your animated gestures and anger stained tone as you continue to motion at eunseok semi-offensively.

he's only half-listening (he's perfected the art of the blank stare) and you know that he's not listening too. but eunseok figures that if yelling at him to your heart's content is what would make you feel better, then he was glad to be your not-really listening ear.

"...and you know that i can't do it all on my own!" you yell finally, your distress coming to a climax. eunseok winces when your voice reaches a decibel he didn't know to be humanly possible. your chest is heaving and eunseok, from this, is now well aware that you're upset the fact you had to work on the partner project by yourself last night.

but he didn't know how else to explain to you that he had a soccer match last night that he couldn't just skip out to work on the project - even if it was a project that would more or less determine his grade in the class.

your arms are crossed against your torso, eyebrows furrowed as you wait for eunseok to say something. he's sat in front of you, looking akin to a statue, while you're standing up, glaring down at him and from this angle, eunseok is once again reminded of just why he lets you get away with saying pretty much anything to him.

eunseok is so incredibly in love with you that it takes every fiber of his being from telling you that any time the two of you were together. which was less often than he wanted but more often than you had had in the past so he was willing to take the wins he could get at this point.

"so you want me to the work on the project, that's it, right?" he says slowly and you damn near want to strangle him in that moment. you knew that eunseok wasn't dumb and that he had only sat through your entire lecture because you weren't going to let him hear the end of it anyway but would it kill him to at least pretend like he was remorseful?

"yes," you say finally, with an exasperated sigh. "i just want you to work on the project with me."

the corner of eunseok's lips twitch imperceptibly upwards in a soft smile before it disappears, bringing him back to his much more familiar bored expression. i just want you to work on the project with me.

that had to mean something, right? you wouldn't add the 'with me' without any particular reason, right? you actually meant to indicate something with that 'with me', right?

in all honesty, you're hadn't thought of what you were saying all that hard and had just said everything that came to mind in an attempt to rid yourself of your anger and eunseok knows that as well.

he's been in love with you for long enough to know that you didn't actually mean anything when he formed these delusions on his own but he couldn't help himself.

eunseok has loved you since the moment he saw you sitting inside the classroom, earbuds in your ears as you flipped through your notebook filled with notes while he was outside on the soccer field, squinting up at you against the relentless sun, three years ago.

he wasn't sure what it was. at first, he was sure that it was just the chase. the classic 'unattainable' trope where he was only attracted to you because of the challenge that you presented to him.

but it was strange.

eunseok wasn't a really big fan of cheesy clichés or overplayed poetry about something that he was sure didn't exist anymore but everything had changed when he saw you.

your looks, face, beauty - none of that seemed to be what clicked within him. the moment that you turned your head to peer out the window, your eyes landing on his, it was like his entire soul was breathing a sigh of relief.

if eunseok was any less of a realist, he would've genuinely believed that the two of you were soul tied lovers from previous lives.

the only issue was that eunseok was pretty sure his soulmate would give him the time of day. which you pretty much refused to do. it was like you were allergic to his type or something.

you kept to yourself in general, and didn't really have many friends but at the very least, you were friendly enough to those around you. no one really had anything bad to say about you bar the fact that you never allowed anyone to overtake you on your throne seated comfortably as number one in the whole school.

except for eunseok's friends. they all knew about eunseok's hopeless love for you and for the life of them could not understand why. you barely glanced in his direction in general, and seemed to always glare at any round object that could be used for a sport - and those who carried said offending objects.

which naturally meant that eunseok and the rest of his friends (all of whom unfortunately played some sport or another) were blacklisted by you.

he'd been curious at first why you had so much prejudice against sports and then one time, had seen you be forced to run laps around the field. needless to say, after he saw you nearly trip and fall on your face at least four times in one lap, he was vaguely aware of what prompted you to stay as far away from such activities as possible.

in fact, eunseok was relatively sure that he was going to have to graduate high school without ever actually having a proper conversation. until the fateful day that your english professor had assigned you and eunseok to work on the same project together for a final grade.

it was a simple research paper, but both of you had to submit outlines and drafts that showed how much you each contributed to the project, as well as how much of the project was done with each other - all of which contributed to your grade.

eunseok had thought that this was it! this would be his in!

he was wrong. to be honest, eunseok could count on one hand the number of conversations he'd had with you after starting work on the project together. and could count without any fingers the number of those conversations that were about anything other than project division.

which is why, when you're standing here, arms crossed against your heaving chest and looking at him with those eyes, eunseok has nothing running in his mind other than just how much he wants you to know what he feels.

"eunseok! are you even listening to me anymore?" you ask, waving a hand in his face. eunseok blinks before clearing his throat. he reaches out a long arm to pull out a chair in the desk next to his and indicates for you to sit down on it.

you eye the chair warily before sitting down, folding your skirt underneath your thighs as you sit gingerly, as if you were expecting it to explode.

the sight would normally make eunseok just roll his eyes for anyone else but with you, it makes him smile.

"okay, i'm sorry. with the game last night, i forgot to my part for the draft due friday. but i promise, i'm still going to make it up to you and finish all of the stuff i needed to do as soon as possible," eunseok says. you watch him for a moment before nodding and moving to get up out of the chair as eunseok rushes to come up with some reasoning to get you to stay with him a little longer.

"although, are you sure you're going to be able to finish the section by yourself? i had some issues with the first half of pride and prejudice because of the characterization and the time period," you say, although the last half of your thought seems to be much more reluctant than the first half, as if you didn't want to admit that you had any academic weaknesses to eunseok.

but eunseok barely pays it any mind, jumping on the opportunity as soon as he recognizes it. "oh...yeah, honestly i don't know if i can do it by myself. since we both have access to the late night study room anyway, do you wanna finish it together tonight?"

eunseok watches as the gears turn in your head, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you debate the possibilities in your mind. and even as you do, he tries to control the erratic beating of his heart at the chance of spending so much time with you.

if he could explain his feelings to anyone, which eunseok was not gifted with the vocabulary of attempting to do so, he was sure that they would ask if he was ripped straight from the novel the two of you were assigned to work on.

to be honest, eunseok thinks as he rests his temple against the heel of his palm, watching as you pull out a timetable and consult it with utmost seriousness, even he found it kinda silly.

well, not silly as in his crush on you was dumb per se (although, there were times where he realized just how unfounded his feelings truly were). more silly like i didn't even know these kinds of feelings could still exist in people.

silly like how a child discovering the world for the first time might be - awkward in their gait but curiosity shining brightly in their eyes, learning how to be human for the first time.

he knows that his whole 'true love' or 'soulmate' semantics were not for the weak of heart - and most definitely not for those who were too embroiled in the 'love' of today's day and age. but he couldn't bring himself to care.

it made him want to be a better person for you. to be the man that you would glance at in more than just passing. to be worthy of your love.

"alright. i'm scheduled for an english tutoring session but i'll ask them to meet me tomorrow instead. maybe i can use some of the stuff that we learn during our project," you say with a sigh, crossing out some of the timings written in your schedule and rearranging them.

eunseok's eyebrows furrow. "you take tutoring lessons? oh, like a private tutor?"

you eye eunseok strangely, as if you weren't sure if he was making a joke or not.

"no...i teach people. i tutor for english, mathematics, and some other subjects as well. it's how i'm adding to my resumé." the chair makes an awful noise when you push it back to stand up.

"oh," eunseok says. resumé? for what? college admissions? god, he really needed to start getting ready for that. his csat score was not high enough for him to even dream about getting into a good enough school for you to recognize him.

or, you know, secure brighter future in such a competitive job market. but that was mostly secondary.

"yeah. so..." you trail off awkwardly, toeing the ground with your arms behind your back. the sight of you being awkward or unsure of yourself was foreign to eunseok but nonetheless endearing.

"yeah. so i'll see you tonight then? after classes end?" eunseok prompts you and you seem to snap out of whatever reverie your mind was in.

"mhm." it's absent-minded and almost an afterthought, as you make your way out of the classroom, pausing at the door to look at him before leaving.

+++

classes end a couple of hours later, and eunseok is left waiting anxiously in the study rooms.

you'd agreed to meet after classes but eunseok realizes that he'd never asked for a specific time or your number to communicate with you, meaning that he'd been stuck in the study rooms for the past hour, unsure if and when you were going to show up.

eunseok had been productive with his time, of course. he'd tucked away the soccer ball he'd brought to school into one of the lockers in the back and popped a breath mint. not for any particular reason, but he didn't want you to think of him in the stereotypical 'jock who doesn't partake in hygiene'.

he'd even tried to make progress on the pride and prejudice chapters he'd been assigned (by you) to write about, only to give up three sentences in.

the one thing that eunseok had done incorrectly, however, was drinking too much water. see, eunseok had a strange habit of chugging water every time he got nervous. needless to say, about an hour of sheer anxiety of when you were going to show up made him down the whole waterbottle.

which was not good because now, eunseok had to relieve himself and you were still nowhere to be seen. and he couldn't just go use the restroom and come back because he was pretty sure you'd just leave and assume that he bailed on you if he left his post in the study rooms.

eunseok paces around the room, hoping that time would move faster if he moved faster (time-space was in same dimension after all, so technically...). he's taken about twenty-three laps around the study room when he finally hears the door click open and you enter the study room somewhat cautiously, looking worse for wear.

"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" eunseok manages to holler before sprinting out of the study room, not wanting to look back and see your undoubtedly bewildered face as he makes a mad dash for the men's restrooms.

it's not until eunseok finally relieves himself, washing his hands in the sink that was lower than his hips that he realizes what he'd just done.

eunseok berates himself more than once or twice in the bathroom, pacing back and forth once more when he realizes just how much of an idiot he must've looked like as he sprinted out of the room like a crazy man.

"it's ok. it's ok! having to use the restroom is natural! everyone needs to! it's not like y/n doesn't, right? don't worry, you look fine. you're so hot, she'll forget it happened."

you didn't forget. when eunseok slinked back into the study room, you can barely keep the silly smile off your face, trying your best to look understanding and apologetic instead.

"i'm - i'm so sorry for coming late eunseok. i heard there was soccer practice today so i figured you'd be late and decided to help mrs. kim with creating the study set for the upcoming math test," you explain, unable to keep the lighthearted giggle out of your voice.

eunseok offers an embarrassed half-grin as he waves you off.

"don't worry, i wasn't waiting long. i just got here too. uh, i asked coach to cancel practice since both captains wouldn't be able to make it," eunseok says, looking busily through his backpack in an effort to prevent you from looking at his red face.

"you asked the coach to cancel practice?" you ask incredulously and eunseok tries his best to act nonchalant.

"yeah. i mean, you're right after all. academics are more important than sports - it's not like i plan on going pro or anything so i figured that i should sit down and make some headway on this project," eunseok says with a shrug, and it brings him a strange sense of satisfaction when you glance at him as though you were suddenly looking at him for the first time.

"you don't plan on playing in college? i mean i've heard that you're good enough for it," you say, and you sound genuinely curious, rearranging the books in front of you.

"i mean i plan on playing in college but i can't exactly get into college just on sports. i'm not that good. i still need to have good grades and scores to get in," eunseok says and you frown, deep in thought, but eunseok can tell that it's not in a bad or malicious way.

"i'd never thought you would care that much about school," you say softly and eunseok can't help but shoot you a lopsided grin.

"we're not all just dumb jocks, y/n," he responds, his voice just as soft and he realizes just how much he likes the taste of your name on his tongue.

"yeah. i guess so," you say finally, offering him a small smile.

eunseok thinks he can die happy when he sees it.

+++

the two of you don't become best friends over the next couple weeks. in fact, you still don't have too many conversations with him other than about the project, but it's more than eunseok has been awarded with before.

you talk to him in between classes now, when you see him in the hallways, and ask him about soccer practice. eunseok always blushes, casting his eyes towards the windows so that he had something to look at other than your intelligent and probing eyes.

he even sees you wave at him during soccer practice, when you're headed out early for tutoring and eunseok nearly dies of heart attack, tripping over himself as he rushes to wave back.

wonbin didn't let him live that down for a full week after the incident occurred, laughing and waving in exaggerated motions every time he saw eunseok.

he even went as far as going up to you and asking you to come to one of the upcoming soccer matches, all in the name of good fun.

eunseok had had to literally tackle wonbin to the floor in order to keep him from spilling any vital information ("please come to the soccer match because our captain has been crushing on you since his first year and we can't see him like this anymore.") but it was clear that the message came through incorrectly.

"you don't want me to come to your match that much? i thought we were better friends than that, eunseok," you said with a frown, and eunseok had to scramble to his feet, kicking wonbin with his foot.

"no - no! it's not that. i do really want you to come to our soccer match. but i kinda wanted to be the one to ask you. you know, because you're so busy all the time and i thought you might say yes if i asked rather than this idiot," eunseok had explained, tripping over his words in an attempt to make sure that he didn't hurt your emotions.

you'd stared up at him, your face unreadable. that was the one thing that eunseok didn't like about you - he could never truly predict exactly what you were thinking unless you said it out loud. you were infamous for your poker face and it made eunseok incredibly nervous.

little did he know that that was the exact reason that eunseok made you nervous.

"i'll come if i have time," you had said simply, turning on your heel to flounce away.

"you're an idiot but goddamnit, i love you wonbin," eunseok had said, descending onto the right wing to tackle him to the floor once more with a hug.

"alright! i get it! get off of me, cap!" wonbin said, pawing at eunseok's arms to relieve himself from the bearhug he was trapped in. he'd just laughed, wrapping his arms around wonbin even tighter.

which brought eunseok to his current predicament.

not only had you come to the match, but you'd brought some of your friends with you. eunseok doesn't really recognize any of them but by the way that you're laughing as you're talking to them, eunseok figures that that you must be pretty close.

"if you could stop staring at the love of your life and finish warm-up drills, that would be great, cap," wonbin says and eunseok shivers, startled by the right wing's sudden presence.

"yeah. uh, team! keep up the drills for just two more minutes before debriefing," eunseok yells, finally forcing his head away from your direction to face his team.

"i invited her because i wanted to give you a chance to impress yourself in front of her. don't make this rare opportunity into a mess," wonbin suggests with a smirk, saluting to eunseok as he ran to sungchan to finish the last few drills with him.

"that brat. and he still wants to be captain next year," eunseok grumbles under his breath, begrudgingly joining the rest of the team. as much as he hated to admit it, wonbin was right.

getting you to come to this match was already more than eunseok had ever had in the past; there was no way that he was going to let himself fuck this up. that would be so incredibly embarrassing.

"alright!" eunseok shouts, clapping his hands and waiting for the team to huddle around him. "i don't need to remind anyone that just because our team has been doing well, we still need to play at our best, right? you all know how to play soccer so just do what you've been doing and don't let it get to your head. good and bad plays both."

he extends his hand out to the center of their huddle, and the rest of the team also extends their hands, chanting their school's soccer cheer before dispersing to discard any extra gear or possessions.

eunseok looks one last time to where you were sitting, just as a quick 'good luck glance' and he's startled to see you already staring back at him. you cock your head and smile slightly, offering him a thumbs up and eunseok feels as though he'd already won the match.

"seok, i've got an idea," sungchan, eunseok's fellow captain and one of his closest friend says, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

"what bullshit are you stirring up now?" eunseok says, his voice flat and unimpressed. sungchan grabs his chest where his heart was, as though he'd been shot, dramatically stumbling backwards.

"here i am, offering to relieve you of your pining and you say i'm stirring up bullshit," sungchan gasps. eunseok rolls his eyes, grabbing sungchan's jersey to pull him forward.

"what? match is starting soon," eunseok says, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

"i'll make a bet with you," sungchan says. "if i score more goals than you do, you have to ask out y/n. but if you score more goals than i do, then you don't have to."

"this feels like a stupid bet. i'm not doing it," eunseok says, but he can already feel himself being swayed. he'd liked you for so long - at this point, he was just looking for the slightest push in the right direction to ask you out.

"alright fine. you don't have to. y/n's pretty cute, honestly, and she's hella smart too. so i'll make you a different deal. if i score more goals, i ask her out. if you score more goals, i won't ask her out," sungchan says, a devilish smile on his face.

eunseok's eyes look as though they'd burn sungchan to smithereens if they could but sungchan barely shivers, offering him a shit-eating grin and turning to blow a kiss to you.

"what the fuck? i should've known that you were up to something stupid," eunseok growls. "why the hell would you ask her out?"

"it's only an issue if i score more goals than you, right?" sungchan says, jogging backwards to join the team again, never breaking eye contact with eunseok.

eunseok knew that sungchan was a loyal friend and there was no way in hell that he was going to ask you out - even as a joke or as a push to get eunseok to confess his feelings - but eunseok was pissed. the idea of someone else confessing to you before he ever did made him see red.

the team barely sees eunseok the whole match. which is strange, because he's in for the entire match, but they barely even see him, his red uniform appearing as streaks up and down the field. he scores goal after goal, running towards the goalpost at speeds they'd never see the usually laidback captain move at.

and sungchan was no better than him. although his heart wasn't in it nearly as much, sungchan was hot on eunseok's heels, the two of them on opposite ends of the field and being the two people that the team relied on the most the entire match, carrying the entire team to victory.

which is why when the scoreboard reads 5 - 0, the team is shocked, but sungchan just has that stupid grin on his face. not only had eunseok scored one more goal than sungchan, he'd also gone mad, ensuring that the opposing team didn't score a single goal.

"what the hell did you do to cap?" wonbin asks sungchan, and the older boy just nods in your general direction.

"gave him the push he's been needing," he says, smirking with satisfaction when he sees eunseok jogging over to where you were sitting, after shaking hands with the opposing team and thanking the referees.

"thanks for coming, y/n," eunseok says, out of breath and sweaty when he reaches to where you were sitting. "i honestly didn't think you were coming - since sports aren't really your thing."

"i promised i would come, didn't i?" you quip, and a shy smile overtakes your face, making eunseok having to use every single ounce of his willpower to keep from squealing at how cute he found you. your friends slowly start to file out to leave the two of you standing there - you in the bleachers and him on the field.

"hm, yeah, you did." eunseok's face turns contemplative and for some reason, you rush to fill the silence, in a way that you'd never felt compelled to do with anyone else before.

"i have to admit...i had more fun than i thought," you say, choking on the words as you get them out. eunseok's eyebrows ascend into his hairline - which would be hilarious if you weren't the reason that they were doing so.

"you had fun? y/n l/n? having fun? that too, at a soccer match?" eunseok says incredulously, throwing his hands on his chest dramatically. "well, i'll be!"

you roll your eyes, but you can't help the silly smile you can feel start to form on your lips.

"i can have fun, you know. i'm not always studying and boring everyone. even at soccer games where all i see is a ball go up and down and i have no clue what's happening. i think you did well, though, since everyone was chattering a lot about your performance," you say, adding the last part to appease eunseok for inviting you.

"i don't care about what people say," eunseok says easily, waving his hand in the air as if to physically rid himself of the thought of other people disturbing his mental wellbeing.

"y/n! you have to get going; your tutoring starts soon and mrs. im is always super mad when anyone's the slightest second late!" one of your friends calls out, coming closer to physically drag you away from eunseok if need be.

even his ugliest stare doesn't work on discouraging them from approaching the two of you and eunseok figures that he should work on a mean glare instead of a blank stare; the latter wasn't helping as much anymore now that everyone just assumed that's what his natural face looked like.

"alright, alright. i'm coming," you say, stepping down the stairs of the bleachers carefully, tripping on the last step. eunseok's arm shoots out before he can even think of what he's doing, catching you as you fall.

"thank you," you say breathlessly, and suddenly, eunseok worries that you can hear the erratic beating of his heart from just how close you were to each other, your chests quite nearly touching.

"you wanna hang out some time? maybe prove that the academic queen, school topper, ms. brain knows how to have some fun?" eunseok asks, and he can feel the blood rushing throughout his body as his adrenaline is at an all-time high.

he doesn't think that he was nearly this nervous or that his heart was even pumping this hard during this match. but now, as he's looking down at the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in eighteen years of life, he can't help but feel weak in the knees and just a little too stupidly hopeful.

"i'm sorry eunseok. i'm pretty busy nowadays. especially with new people that i've been tutoring. i don't even have too much time to study myself; i don't think i can afford to take too many breaks now," you explain, somewhat sorry and somewhat sullen.

eunseok tries to keep the heartbreak from showing on his face and he nods, almost too excitedly.

"oh yeah, i get it! no worries! i mean, you are the number one student in the school! you've gotta keep those grades up!" his voice sounds fake even to his own ears and your friend winces apologetically but you don't even seem phased, flashing him a sweet smile.

"we'll 'hang out' when we work on the project next monday though right?" you ask, and eunseok nods, a plastic smile on his face.

"yeah, of course," he says, and for some reason, he can't help but wonder if you knew just how great you were at letting people down. eunseok knew that you were beautiful but no one had ever dared to ask you out, for fear of the fact that they would come second to your academics.

it's hard to ask someone out when you know what the answer is.

"well, i'll get going now then. mrs. im seems like a real tiger mom and i have my first tutoring session with her son today," you say, wrapping your sweater a little bit tighter around your body as you wave goodbye, retreating into the foggy afternoon.

"how did it go, cap?" wonbin asks, a knowing grin on his face, ready to tease/congratulate his captain on his definite success in asking you out.

eunseok doesn't even turn away from watching your figure until he's just staring at empty space and fog before saying, "tell the team we're running laps."

wonbin balks, looking in your direction to see if you'd come to save them. "but we won, cap!"

"no, sungchan and i won. the team is running laps," eunseok grinds out and wonbin immediately retreats backwards, understanding the situation a bit too clearly.

he sets off into a sprint and the team is quick to follow when they see the confusing expression on their captain's face. there was a mix of shame, heartbreak, confusion, guilt, and even some anger on his face and the team was just going to have to take the brunt of his emotions for now. he had a valid point, after all.

you were none the wiser about the soccer team's struggles until your friend, kim minjeong, looks back to see her friend, park wonbin, running in repeated circles before the fog starts to cover the soccer field. she shoves her hands into the pockets of her sweater before shaking her head.

"you know that eunseok was asking you out, right?" she asks and you scoff, pushing her slightly.

"you're insane minjeong. i think that jekyll and hyde is finally getting to you," you jest slightly, referencing her english project. "why the hell would eunseok ask me out?"

"because he wants to spend time with you? because you're a fun person when people get to know you? because he likes you, i don't know!" minjeong exclaims, stopping dead in her tracks and throwing her hands up.

"no, that can't be true," you say, but when you turn to look at what minjeong was looking at, you find that your eyes search the field until they lock with eunseok's eyes, which are trained on you and he cocks his head, causing you to shiver and face forward.

"are you sure?" minjeong asks, looking back and forth between you and eunseok as you march forward determinedly.

"i'm sure. there's no way that eunseok likes me."

+++

you were sure that eunseok didn't like you. that was what you had told minjeong and ning yizhuo, another one of your good friends, when the two of them had confronted you again later. that's the truth, as far as you're aware.

that's what made the most sense too; why the hell would the ace soccer captain be any level of interested in a person who spent all of their time studying and tutoring? someone who was known to be a reserved and kind enough person but a complete hardass when it came to their academics?

yizhuo's words echo in your mind as you sit on your bed, having completed your nightly routine of taking your vitamins and doing your skincare.

he'd never ask you if he wasn't interested.

you hated when she was right. especially when it meant that you were wrong about something. most especially because it meant that you were being emotionally unaware of something.

you stare at your phone, as if staring at it long enough would produce the answers you're searching for - the same thing you'd been doing for the past half hour. you know that you should go to sleep soon; you didn't have any tutoring tomorrow but you were planning on using the time to study, not having had much time over the weekdays to study.

but almost against your own reason and will, your arm reaches for your phone and types out a message recklessly, pressing send before your brain has the time to catch up to the antics of your foolish heart.

you: you wanna go to the arcade with me tomorrow?

you gasp at your own message, scandalized by your sudden initiative and something so out of character for you. you couldn't remember the last time you'd spent more than a couple minutes doing something fun.

actually, that was a lie. you'd just gone to eunseok's game. and you'd had fun. it was something about him that made you want to set down your pens and embrace life. or something else cheesy like that.

your heart jumps when eunseok's response comes, not even a minute after you'd sent the initial message.

song eunseok: i'd lvoe to. song eunseok: **love song eunseok: no tutoring tomorrow?

you type out a response, looking up to check the time on the desktop computer, catching a glimpse of your reflection. why the hell were you smiling?

you: not tomorrow. they canceled since they're going to busan for the weekend. song eunseok: ohhh i see. song eunseok: then let's do it! 1pm? you: sounds good. you: :)

you cast your phone aside on your nightstand, not bothering to read whatever messages eunseok had sent afterwards, instead drifting off into a somewhat peaceful and somewhat anticipatory sleep as you dreamt of the next day.

+++

you're uncharacteristically nervous, knee bouncing as you check your watch for the time for the third time in the past thirty seconds. much to your dismay, it was still very much 12:45 PM.

never had you been this nervous on the day of an important exam or a recital for violin. mostly because those were things that came somewhat easily to you - practice, practice, practice and you would succeed in any task given to you.

but friends? specifically friends who asked you on dates (according to yizhuo and minjeong, that's what this was)? you were somewhere between absolutely lost and crazy scared.

it's just eunseok, you have to breathe and remind yourself. just song eunseok. the stoic soccer team captain. your english project partner. the one that you've been getting a little too influenced by lately.

you consider turning around and heading home to safer territories (textbooks) and bailing on eunseok but before you can put your escape plan into action, the bane of your existence and cause for your issues appears in your vision, jogging over to you with the classic blank face that you've grown used to.

the shit-eating grin on his face that grows when he sees you already sitting on the bench outside the arcade is something that you're not used to, however, and it makes you blush at the implication.

"i'm a very punctual person," you say as soon as eunseok is in earshot, your ego smarting.

"i never said anything," eunseok retorts and you just harrumph, crossing your arms over your chest. "besides, i thought i'd definitely get here before you. you know, to practice."

your eyebrows knit together as you try to decipher the meaning behind his words. "to practice? practice what?"

eunseok's smile grows a little more bashful and sincere as he turns to face the arcade, unable to face you. "practice showing you that i'm worth wasting your saturday afternoon on instead of studying."

you fumble for words, leaping to your feet and marching into the arcade. "i'm not wasting my saturday afternoon on you! i'm - i'm showing you that i can be fun!"

eunseok just watches you enter the arcade, a dopey expression on his face and he jogs to follow you inside, slinging an arm around you in a casual motion that neither him nor you were expecting.

"you're plenty of fun, y/n. you have nothing to prove." eunseok's voice is soft and sweet above your head, and a little too sincere for you to pass over his words nonchalantly. you step just the slightest bit closer into his embrace, an action that doesn't go unnoticed by him and his grip, previously loose and lax so that you could push him off whenever, grows just the tightest bit stronger.

"that sounds like someone who's scared of getting their ass kicked in dance dance revolution."

"oh hell no. you're on, miss school topper."

+++

as much as you hate to admit it, you have an incredible time with eunseok at the arcade. although you don't live up to your own expectations of your performance at arcade games (you chalk it up to lack of practice), eunseok exceeds your expectations.

even games that he says that he's never attempted before come to him easily, and he beats you at every single one of them, even with handicaps such as shooting with one hand for the basketball game or closing his eyes and playing whack a mole.

it's somewhat damaging to your street cred (not that you were banking on any street cred, to be honest) but eunseok manages soothe your ego by winning you three plushies at the claw machine (which he was also good at; you were starting to think that he was ai). two of them were matching so you hand him one of them, saying that it could be a good way to remember this afternoon together.

"i don't think i forget this afternoon," eunseok says when you hand him the plushie.

"hm?" you ask, somewhat distracted by the cute plushies in your arms.

"nothing," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. "what do you say we go get some coffee? there's a really nice café nearby here."

"oh yeah, lets go. i love memories café; i study there all the time," you say, hugging the plushies to your chest.

"really? one of my friends works there! you should've told me before; i would've gotten you free coffee this whole time," eunseok exclaims, waving goodbye to the arcade employee that he'd become rather familiar with after all his visits to their establishment. the employee points to you subtly and gives him a thumbs up to indicate her approval of eunseok's type, and he just fake bows in agreement, walking out the arcade with a silly smile.

"which one? the tall one? i forget his name but he's pretty popular on campus, isn't he?" you say, your voice growing unsure as you try to place him in your memory.

"sungchan?" eunseok asks darkly, a troubled expression on his face. "yeah, he's pretty popular. for being pretty. and popular. and good at a lot of stuff."

"yeah, sungchan! he's the one who works there, isn't he? yizhuo always drags me to go when he's working because she thinks he's cute," you say before turning to eunseok with a gasp. "don't tell anyone i told you that! god, i can't believe i let that slip!"

eunseok chokes out a laugh, shaking his head. "i won't tell anyone, trust me. but, uh, do you think that he's cute? i mean you come to café pretty often right? is it because...because you think he's cute?"

you frown, trying to conjure his face in your mind before shrugging. "nah. i mean i see why people think he's cute but he's not really my type."

eunseok's heart leaps for joy before stopping at the end of your sentence. "uh, you have a type?"

he opens the door to the café for you when you reach it. you enter it, mumbling a quick thanks as you brush past him.

"sure. which teenage girl doesn't?" you quip, not even bothering to read the menu, already sure of what you were going to get.

eunseok scans the café, before groaning internally as his eyes land on his co-captain, flashing sweet smiles to every person that steps up to the register, never failing to make them swoon.

"care to share?" eunseok asks, shielding you from sungchan, wanting to prevent the clash for as long as possible.

"only if you do," you retort, and eunseok's stuck between figuring out how to keep you from seeing sungchan (or realistically, sungchan from seeing you) and how to tell you that you were his type, without actually saying your name.

he's saved and damned at the same time when sungchan calls out his name, and you peek around eunseok's body to see sungchan standing there in all of his tall, beautiful glory.

"sungchan, hey," eunseok says with a grumble, and you look up at him worriedly. he rushes to fix his tone, not wanting you to think that he was a salty or shitty friend.

"i see you've brought a friend," sungchan says smugly, and he extends his hand over the counter for you to shake. "hi! i'm sungchan, eunseok's co-captain."

you accept his hand, shaking it politely. "nice to meet you. eunseok's talked you up a lot. i'm y/n, by the way."

sungchan's eyes dart to eunseok at the mention of his praise, who's still brooding slightly, with a slight smile on his face. "trust me, there's no person at our school who doesn't know our resident number one academic. you haven't given up the throne since the day you stepped in our school."

you blush, trying to shrug casually. "i'm just really lucky to have the opportunities i do."

"intelligent, humble, and beautiful? how'd you get a girl like this to give you the time of day, seok-ie?" sungchan says, and it's like rubbing salt in the wound. sungchan is joking, and eunseok logically knows that he is just teasing him for finally working up the courage to ask you out three years after he developed feelings for you. but for some reason, the sweet smile on your face directed at sungchan instead of him made him upset.

"trust me, i have no clue either. she's pretty much perfect, isn't she?" eunseok says finally, and the sheer sincerity in his voice is enough for you to rip your gaze away from sungchan and to eunseok, who's looking at you with honey dripping from his eyes.

the sweetness in his eyes makes your heart race for some reason and you clear your throat, unable to turn away from eunseok for a good couple seconds before looking at the menu behind sungchan's head.

"well, uh, could i get a vanilla latte please? hot, not iced," you say, hating the quirk in your voice. eunseok's gaze is heavy on your face and he can barely find it in himself to turn away, ordering the same thing as you.

sungchan smirks, entering the order as his eyes dart between you and eunseok, both standing less than a foot apart but unable to look at each other.

"alright. i'll bring it over to your table, then. pro tip, the second floor has the best spot to watch the sunset in thirty minutes," sungchan says. eunseok nods in thanks, pulling out his wallet to offer sungchan a ten thousand won bill to cover your coffee and his own but sungchan just waves him away.

"today's coffee is on me. for the momentous occasion of song eunseok going on a date for the first time in his life," sungchan says and your head whips to see eunseok's reaction.

this was his first date? you think. but he's so popular! and so handsome...how has no one asked him out before?

almost as though sungchan can read your mind, he responds for eunseok. "he's been asked out so many times but he insisted that he was waiting for the one."

sungchan's words barely register in your mind, and your thoughts are still racing when eunseok guides you upstairs and to the table that sungchan had suggested.

"you've been waiting for the one?" you ask with an incredulous tone and eunseok tries his best to play it off casually.

"sungchan just says whatever. it's mostly because i didn't have the time," eunseok explains. and because none of the people who asked me out were you, he thinks, but doesn't voice aloud.

"hm. honestly, before you asked me out, i kinda thought i was going to die single," you admit after a couple moments of silence.

"why would you think that? we're only eighteen! and besides, you're smart, talented at violin, beautiful, and a bunch of other things i can't think of right now. anyone would be lucky to date you," eunseok says indignantly and you smile, but it doesn't quite reach your eyes.

"if i'm being honest with you, it's all just to cover up my own insecurities. in middle school, i wasn't that smart and i didn't really care about my grades. i had a crush on this kid - i think his name was shotaro? - but he didn't really notice me. i wasn't the smartest kid in the grade, or the prettiest one, or even rich enough to dress up nicely and wear the things i wanted to.

"i don't think he actually cared about any of that stuff but my own insecurities sabotaged me enough to convince myself that he wanted nothing to do with me because i wasn't good enough. so i threw myself into everything i could. violin, academics, working out - everything. i started getting quieter and quieter because i thought that no one would want to listen to what i had to say.

"and the more i did things like that, the more i got used to being like that. i got used to being alone and focusing on my academics and stuff. even minjeong and yizhuo have always been closer to each other than they have been to me. they do fun things without me and that's mostly my fault because i never truly let them in but i don't know. it's hard to remind myself that people want to be my friend.

"especially because everyone thinks that all i think about is stuff like my studies and violin. it's hard to have fun and make memories when there's no one to make memories with. i just wish that i could have days like this, where i go out and have fun and do the things i want to with someone who wants to make memories with me."

you sigh, brushing away the tears that had welled up in your eyes as you had spoke. eunseok is silent the whole time and you finally come to your senses, rushing to lean forward in your chair and explain your sudden outburst of emotions.

"i'm so sorry for talking your ear off! i have no clue what my problem is; i promise i'm not usually so full of myself. i don't know why i'm talking about myself so much - "

eunseok doesn't let you finish. before your brain can even process, eunseok's lips are on your cheek, and your entire body just freezes.

and before you can understand what's happening, eunseok's back in his chair, looking at you as if you were the one who had kissed him, rather than vice versa.

"sorry! i just - i didn't mean to kiss you without your consent. i'm sorry. i just really don't want you to continue berating yourself," eunseok says. "i really like you and it really sucks to know that the one person that you like the most - the person that you wish nothing but the best for - doesn't like themself nearly as much as you do."

he leans forward in his chair, turning his head so that his cheek was facing you.

"you should slap me. i can take it! i deserve it, anyway," eunseok says, squeezing his eyes shut when he feels a breeze descend on his cheek. but instead of the stinging of a slap, it feels as though a soft pillow has touched his cheek.

eunseok opens his eyes to see you leaning over the table to press your lips to his cheek and in his shock, he turns his head and suddenly his lips are on yours and you're kissing in this café.

it's like fireworks explode in eunseok's body, especially when you raise your hand to touch his cheek gently before pulling away, eunseok resting his forehead against yours.

"this is cute and all but do you mind doing this at home? i'm gonna lose my job and maybe my lunch if i have to watch this any longer," says sungchan's smug voice from behind eunseok, and the two of you leap backwards into your respective chairs.

"sorry man," eunseok manages to choke out, and you just hide your face in your hands, too embarrassed to look up.

"don't mind me," sungchan quips, setting down the two cups of coffee and retreating down the stairs, shoulders shaking from trying to hide his laughs.

"this is going to be all over school, isn't it?" you groan, your head letting a resounding thunk when you collapse against the table. eunseok gets up to hunt down and sungchan and swear (read: threaten) him to secrecy but you reach out, catching eunseok's sleeve.

you let go when eunseok stops to look at you, a hot flush on your cheeks. "i don't mind it, honestly. i mean, i was never expecting my first relationship to be such a public one but there's no sense in hiding things right?"

"wait, wait, wait. we're in a relationship? that you're okay with being public with?" eunseok says, and he can see you visibly debate back-peddling and taking back your statement or going forward with conviction.

it seems that you've chosen full throttle when you cross your arms over your chest, leaning on the table. "isn't that what you want too? a relationship? i'm assuming that you wouldn't kiss me if you didn't want me to be something more than a friend to you and i wouldn't kiss you if i wasn't open to exploring being that something more."

eunseok feels as though he's on cloud nine, slinking back into his chair with the satisfaction of a cat with a bowl of cream.

"trust me, there's nothing that i want more than that."

+++

as the two of you had expected, the school is quick to catch onto the budding relationship between you and eunseok and quite frankly, it feels refreshing for you to be associated with something other than excelling your academics.

eunseok breathes fresh air into your life just by his mere presence. he coerces you into coming to his soccer matches, never failing to run into the bleachers to scoop you up in his arms and kiss you like you're the only two people in the world.

the news of the resident ms. brain and mr. brawn dating had spread like wildfire, and an instagram post with eunseok spinning you and kissing you after winning the seoul championships garners over four hundred thousand views, your romance going viral. so viral, in fact, that someone had created an instagram account just to document your relationship - the account had over three thousand followers, as of the last time you checked.

you'd initially thought that the attention that your relationship spun up would cause issues between the two of you but more than anything, it caused you to work through any issues that came up with communication and healthy relationship counseling (sungchan flirting with you until eunseok finally got off his ass and apologized after fucking up - only whenever fights were about stupid things that either of you were too proud to give in about).

and just like that, months passed by within the blink of an eye. the instagram account (you're somewhat sure that park wonbin and kim minjeong were running the account from sheer amount of footage from close up the instagram page featured) posted a video of eunseok playing insanely well at a match after one of the times that sungchan had been called in reinforcements.

eunseok's dream college had extended a soccer scholarship, and he'd committed within twenty fours of receiving the offer and soon after, you committed to the same college.

when various people, eunseok included, asked you why you'd chosen to go to the same school as eunseok, rather than a bigger or more prestigious school (although this school was still top six in the nation), you'd just smiled and leaned into eunseok's embrace.

"i can study and do well anywhere. i can't make memories to cherish and share for the rest of my life if i go anywhere else." is all you say to everyone who asked and eunseok thanks his lucky stars that he'd kissed you that day in the café to be able to hold you and talk about a future with the two of you like this.

and just as fast the last couple months had passed by, a full ten years pass by. the ten years are filled with moments of happiness and sadness, laughs and tears, but filled with life that you wouldn't trade for the world.

and when you and eunseok walk together to the high school reunion held at someone's restaurant, hand in hand, looking the same as you had as stupidly in love teenagers ten years ago, next to no one is suprised.

"look who it is! it's mrs. brawn and mr. brain now," someone calls out, causing all of your classmates to erupt into laughter. the both of you just look at each other and smile, flagging down where sungchan and minjeong are sitting and taking your own seats next to them.

"by the way, eunseok, how'd you get our resident genius to go out with you anyway? or even fall in love hard enough to go to the same college as you?" someone you don't really recognize asks from the other side of the restaurant and the entire restaurant buzzes with excitement, waiting for eunseok's answer.

eunseok smiles and exchanges a look with sungchan, a teasing glint in his eyes. "let's just say that sungchan isn't allowed within ten feet of my wife."

and with that, the restaurant breaks out into cheers and laughter, everyone returning to their conversation, the attention turning to the most eligible bachelor of their grade, jung sungchan.

minjeong leans over to whisper in your ear. "it's a good thing you had a private wedding; i bet half of these people don't know that sungchan was eunseok's best man."

you shrug, laughing freely with everyone else. "half of these people also don't know that you and sungchan have been dating for the past three years."

eunseok's wedding band flashes under the light as he raises his glass to toast to the 'inside joke' that the four of you shared, clinking his beer with the three of you.

"to the bambi boy and the winter girl!"

"to mr. brawn and mrs. brain!"

"i can't believe i graduated from ms. brain to mrs. brain."

"and i can't believe that you and eunseok have been together for eleven years instead of fourteen because eunseok was too much of a pussy to ask you out when he started liking you."

"JUNG SUNGCHAN, I'M GOING TO FLAY YOU!"

"don't skin my fiancé please. you can do whatever you want after the wedding."

"i can't believe my fiancé hates me this much."

"i can't believe these people are our friends."

"i can't believe i finally scored mrs. brain."

[bamgyw]

˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ the second night ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

the spiritualization of sensuality is called love: it is a great triumph over christianity. - friedrich nietzsche

warnings: +18 getting hornier. pillow,, humping,, heh. a tiny bit of voyeurism as well? fingering. and a lot of male yearning we love that, we love a desperate man. a/n: team we made it to the smut. the hand kissing bit is kind of victorian. jane austen, even. but. i don't care. i’m not 100% happy with the outcome so it might get a little edited in the (distant) future, but nothing fundamental. this is a part of a longer work ♡ go to the beginning here

"i am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses."

beomgyu stumbled upon that quote within the pages of a stolen copy of a book by nietzsche. he had always found himself more drawn to the destructive lunacies of clinically depressed germans than to the saving grace of the holy scriptures. there was no self-pitying in the bible, no self-indulgent sorrow to hold on to.

he had found that book, thus spoke zarathustra, in soobin's room, tossed in the trash. it looked almost new, so he took it out of curiosity.

"why are you throwing this away?" beomgyu asked.

soobin shrugged. "it's a good read if you're a happy person," he said. "but if you're miserable, it'll rot your brain. more spiritual talk and petty self-help in there than in the bible."

but beomgyu quietly took the book without soobin noticing, and he carried it in his back pocket ever since.

he had no intention of reading it from cover to cover, but sometimes he would flip absentmindedly through the pages, fixating on some passages. and that one specifically had reminded him of you. his new meaning. the rose he found in the darkness.

during the day, beomgyu usually roamed aimlessly around the town, drifting along with the rhythms of his headphones. that was pretty much the sum of his daily human activity since he quit college.

it was all he knew how to do, and often felt like all he was good for.

as he walked through the town, the familiar sounds of honking cars, distant sirens, and murmuring conversations mixed with the music in his headphones. the air was thick with the scent of seawater and the faint, sour smell of industry. it was a crummy town, sordid. each step felt heavy, purposeless, leading him nowhere.

he had a few favorite spots he liked to hang around - the port where the boats came in, or the grimy industrial estate where the addicts gathered. they all knew his dad pretty well. and maybe if they knew beomgyu was the son of the man who supplied them with their shit, they'd treat him better. but that's a secret he kept to himself.

instead, he joined in on their petty fights, easily swayed by whatever side fit his mood that day. he was better at fighting than them, but the victory was hollow. he was younger, his body was not rotten –not completely– and he had full motor control over his limbs. but he got pleasure from winning, anyway. he liked to exert some control over someone else for once. 

still, that day he didn't walk to any of his usual spots. he had been feeling a sorrow less violent, an ominous need for silence. his feet, barely in conversation with his brain, dragged him to the town's small church.

he had never really stopped at the church before, just passed by without giving it much thought. but now, standing there, he realized it was probably the most beautiful building in town.

every other construction felt fake, in plastic and plasterboard, but the wooden church had been crafted by the artisan hands of a carpenter and build up by a community. it seemed to be lovingly nursed, too. though the church meant little to him, it was obviously fundamental to others.

when lost and adrift, beomgyu would wander, getting into fights and ruining himself. but under similarly pitiable conditions, others came to the chapel like it was a second home, sometimes safer than their own. beomgyu wished he had something like that, too.

the building was small, but cute. surrounded by a little forest of old camellia trees, its walls painted a crisp white. it was an old building, but it was thoroughly taken care of. the air was different, cleaner, carrying the earthy scent of the camelliae and the faint fragrance of blooming flowers.

beomgyu liked how the wooden cross crowned the roof, marking the building, never allowing anyone to go astray. it must feel good, he thought, to have some guidance like that when you don't know where to go. a flower in the desert, a light in the darkness.

he knew he was being stupid and overemotional. he had never believed in all this religious stuff, and he never would. his relationship with god, if there even was one, was mostly based in resentment. if god was real, he could've treated him better.

and still, he didn't dare to enter the chapel out of some reverential respect he didn't even know he was capable of. so he just stood there, staring at the chapel, feeling small.

he took a deep breath. his cheek still burned where you had kissed him the night before. he really was going out of his mind.

"i want her so bad. and i think she might want me too." he prayed. to the church, to its wood, to the camellia trees, to the sky –he didn't know, he didn't care. "please let me be with her. please don't hurt her because of it, or shame her, or kick her out or whatever it is you do with sinners. i promise it’s not a bad thing. it’s so much purer than you think." he said.

no one answered, of course. there was just silence. some ruffling of the leaves because of the breeze, maybe the trebling chirp of a bird, but no answer. he felt like an idiot.

praying sucked, he ratified. how could you even make sure you were being listened to? it was emotional manipulation, playing with one's hope. feeling down and disappointed, he left.

˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

entering soobin’s house again would have felt like torture, were it not for the certainty that you lived there, too.

soobin never really left the house. he only went out to go to class in the mornings, and he still chose to skip as many as he could. not because he wasn't a good student, he was disturbingly accomplished. he just disliked the people.

every day, soobin locked himself in his room and studied relentlessly. he was determined to make something of himself and leave his stepfather’s house behind. he had a plan. beomgyu didn’t know the details of this plan—soobin never shared it, fearing it might be jinxed if spoken aloud—but it was clear that soobin believed hard work could get him out of that miserable house.

beomgyu thought that rhetoric too optimistic, alienated from reality. but still, he had some admiration for him. unlike beomgyu, who wallowed in his own misery instead of changing his situation, soobin searched for solutions.

beomgyu sometimes found him too sickly and rancorous, but he still looked up to him for his willpower. not that he would ever admit that to soobin.

so when beomgyu got to the house, certain that soobin would be there, he gave him a call. it was a code they had. soobin leaned out of his bedroom window, and threw down the keys for beomgyu to catch so that he could make his way in. 

as beomgyu climbed the creaky wooden stairs, he realised that the usual thrill and allure of sneaking around that house he had felt at night was dimmed in the daylight. he hated the smell of that place, too. the air inside was stuffy, filled with the faint scent of old wood and something slightly medicinal.

as he reached the top floor on his way to soobin’s room, he passed by a closed door. pristine surface, painted white. he knew immediately. a pink mother-of-pearl crucifix hung on the wood.

he stood in front of it, his heart quickening. inside that room lived his little bird, trapped in an evil cage. his angel, his obsession. he gladly would’ve shattered the door with his own hands. let his knuckles bleed, let the splintered wood stab into his fingers. he just wanted to take you away and set you free.

at first he maintained a cautionary distance. he feared that if he got any closer, he would actually do it. but then he saw the little plaque under the cross, in sterling silver, shining when the light hit it. he approached to read what it said.

"the lord is faithful. he will establish you and guard you against the evil one." it said.

beomgyu scoffed, a bitter smile curling his lips. like some metal plaque could protect her, he thought. he's the only dangerous thing in her life. that superstitious fool.

he found it bitterly amusing, to the point of feeding his ego. some cultures hang garlic on the doors to keep away the vampires and the witches. your daddy had hanged a nacre cross to keep choi beomgyu away from you.

he let his hand reach for the crucifix. he traced his fingers over it, middle and index. all the doors had a crucifix of their own, but yours was the only one that wasn't a choppy piece of wood, crude and utilitarian. his thoughts wandered as his fingers brushed over the cool, smooth surface. he must be aware of how pretty she is, beomgyu thought.

as he did, a noise startled him. he jolted away from the door, retreating as far as he could. only when he saw it was just soobin coming out of his room did he catch his breath.

“you were taking too long,” soobin said, his expression gloomy. “i didn’t like it.”

“you care for me that much?” beomgyu asked, a bitter grin spreading across his face as he walked up to him, hands in his pockets.

"well, i let you into my house, didn't i?" he asked, accusative.

"you did." beomgyu replied. “it's not versailles, but it’s cute. lots of quirky decorations.” he shrugged, poking at the crucifix that hanged on soobin’s door, tilting it slightly. "it's like a theme park."

"eveything’s a joke to you." soobin replied. he seemed distrusting, his chest filled with something he probably shouldn't say. but he did, anyway. “you need to forget about her."

“what are you talking about?” beomgyu raised his tone, a flicker of panic crossing his eyes, quickly masked by anger.

“i know you. you’re going to let your impulsiveness ruin everything for all of us. it won’t end well.” soobin said. “she's not like one of those girls you used to pick up at private schools. if you want to manipulate your way into someone's pants, choose someone else.”

beomgyu’s anger flared. how dared he imply those were his intentions? how dared he assume he had any other purpose than caring for his angel and godsend grace?

he took a violent step towards soobin, who flinched slightly but held his ground. “you think i’m dorian gray or some shit?” beomgyu retorted. “you're just pressed because i'm not a pussy like you, restraining yourself to please that maniac. but whatever happens, it won’t be because i forced myself on anyone."

“she doesn’t know what she wants." soobin said. "she’s confused and love deprived.”

“and you’re a patronising asshole,” beomgyu snapped back. "who are you to say anything?"

“you’re playing with fire. if you wanna be a psychotic masochist, fine. but don’t drag others into your mess. get yourself hurt if you want, but leave us out of it.”

“us?" beomgyu asked with a wicked grin. "she's an adult. she can make her own choices. and if your stepdad wants to mess with her because of it, it´ll be over my fucking dead body."

“is this how you repay me for letting you stay in my house?” soobin asked, a mix of hurt and frustration in his eyes.

“thing is," beomgyu began with a cynical laugh. "this isn’t about you. you shouldn’t be this bothered,” he said. “and if you are, maybe you should check yourself and see if you’re acting like your stepfather.”

soobin’s knuckles turned white, but he took a deep breath and held it in. “just. don’t do it." he said through gritted teeth. "it’s not worth it.”

but beomgyu grinned wickedly. he had one last bombshell, one last thing to get soobin fuming. “i’ll let you know if it's worth it or not when i have your sister go dumb on my cock.” he said, feeling a twisted sense of satisfaction.

he shouldn't have said it.

instead of getting angry, as he had intended to accomplish, soobin smirked, too. it was unsettling. beomgyu got a ghostly feeling about it.  "what is it?" he spat out.

soobin inclined his head slightly towards the room with the mother-of-pearl cross—the room of his little bird. beomgyu turned just in time to catch a sliver of a prying eye, peeking through a barely open door. your eye widened when it met beomgyu’s gaze, then you vanished, the door slamming shut.

shit. beomgyu's heart raced, his breath hitching.

soobin smiled, a hint of triumph in his eyes. "consider her warned."

˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

late at night, thoughts of you consumed beomgyu’s mind. he knew he had fucked up. he knew that now you probably thought he was a creep and never wanted to see him again. his mind raced, replaying the words he wished he could take back.

he could’ve played his cards right. go slow, ease you into it. but he wasn't that sure now. the uncertainty gnawed at him, twisting his insides with each passing thought.

soobin's room felt even stuffier than the night before, the air heavy and oppressive. the walls seemed to close in on him, making it hard to breathe. the need to see you pressed down on his chest, but lingering doubt kept him glued to the mattress.

a lone fly buzzed around, its annoying droning echoing through the room and fraying his nerves. each pass it made seemed to grow louder, amplifying his sense of confinement, maddening him.

his mind wouldn't shut up about you. you had struck him as someone who knew how to watch your back. he recalled how cautious you had been around him the previous night, like a dog used to being beaten flinches at the sight of a stick. but your eyes had never left his. not for a second. they seemed innocent, but not naive.

he liked that, he thought. that you were like him, smartened up by your environment. but he liked the innocence too, so much. an untouched you, drowning in chasteness and self-restrain.

uncaressed belly, uncaressed thighs, uncaressed sweet pussy. he could make you feel so good. that was all he could offer, all he could give you. he had nothing else.

he knew he should let the thought go. that he should start wrapping his mind around forgetting about you. but it was late, and he was tired, and the only picture that lingered in his mind was a pearl choker and a rosary over a tender neck.

with soobin's steady breathing beside him, perhaps even asleep, beomgyu lay staring at the ceiling. images of you fluttered behind his closed eyelids, all imaginations of his lovesick mind. illicit, probably, but fated.

he thought of your pretty lips whispering praises meant for him, kissing his cheeks, his jaw, the curve of his neck. he wanted to know the taste of your mouth, the softness of your touch.

had you even been kissed yet? with a father as twisted as yours, it seemed unlikely. beomgyu wanted you to never have been kissed. he wanted to teach you how to do it himself. eat your mouth out, nibble at your lips and press them gently. but not hurt you. that was new. 

he would start slow, so that you’d want more of him. then he'd deepen the kiss, his grip on you tight, giving into whatever you asked for, never letting you go hungry. the tingling started, the blood pumping.

pause. he thought as soon as he became aware that he was getting hard. his rational mind tried to assert control, to rein in his desires. you loser, just by thinking of kissing. be cold-minded. a voice told him. actions have consequences. 

the voice sounded a little like him, but it was surely an imposter. if it wasn't impulsive and hot-blooded, then it wasn't choi beomgyu. 

"i just want to apologise." he lied to himself as he sat up all of the sudden.

he slipped out of bed, his bare feet padding softly against the cool floor. he moved slowly, mindful of the creaking floorboards that threatened to betray his movements.

but a subtle rustle, not caused by him, echoed in the quiet room. the soft shuffle of fabric against skin. soobin was awake, and he had wanted to let him know. but beomgyu couldn't begin to care.

as he closed the door behind him, trying to make as little noise as possible, a sudden thud reverberated through the silence. "shit!" he cursed under his breath. another door in that corridor slammed shut with a resounding roar.

someone left a window open. air currents cause noise, beomgyu mused as he made his way down the dimly lit corridor, his steps quickening with purpose. tomorrow night, he thought, he would make sure all windows were closed before going to bed.

as he travelled the shadowy corridor, he got a chill. he kept hearing the ruffling of fabric, a doorknob twisting, steps against the wooden floor. a shiver went down his spine, but he told himself to forget about. it was all in his head.

he refused to let the silent threat your daddy stop him from seeing you. that liar, that imposter, that self-proclaimed god keeping everyone hostage in his castle of authoritarianism and indoctrination.

when he got to your door, the mother-of-pearl crucifix halted him like a policeman. it seemed more commanding now than it had earlier. it was stupid, he thought, how the night enhanced every feeling. 

the cross regarded him and he regarded the cross. “i just want to apologise,” he told jesus christ. “i said something stupid earlier today, and i wanna make better.” he tried to convince him.

it was just a symbolic plea. a desperate attempt to absolve himself of guilt, to make him feel less lustful, less like a pig. to find redemption in the eyes of a higher power. 

he thought about what soobin had said, about god, about your father, about right and wrong. maybe he wasn't as smart as he thought. maybe he was loosing the game and they were all making him go insane for good.

he debated whether to just turn back after the thought came to him that you didn't even want him there, anyway. how could you want him at all, after just one meeting where all he received was rejection?

sure, he got a quick kiss in the end, but it didn't outweigh the pulling away, the uncertainty, the avoidance. what was he worth, really? nothing. not even worth enduring a scolding from your dad, let alone the weight of guilt. he was making a fool of himself. better leave now before anyone got hurt for nothing.

but as he turned to walk away, his heart heavy and ready to toss aside, he heard a noise from inside the room.

a whimper. it was so faint he was sure his febrile mind had made it up. that he was so schizophrenically in lust he had made you escape that sound in his brain. a whimper. a sweet soft whimper. 

he tried to make sense of it by convincing himself that he heard you crying. he even allowed his sense of self-importance to fuel thoughts of bursting into the room and offering you his shoulder to cry on. to cuddle you, to comfort you.

but when he heard it the second time, his breath caught. this time it was a moan, unless his yearning mind was deceiving him. he pressed his ear to the door. he clearly heard a trail of soft muffled moans. restrained, but just so lewd to his feverish self. his face burned, his cock twitched.

index and middle finger reached slowly for the doorknob. they brushed over it, hesitating. maybe it was locked. and maybe that was for the better. the hand wrapped around it, twisted it slightly. it was open.

holding his breath almost to asphyxiation and in the most silent motion he had ever performed, he peaked in. 

god existed, he found out. his mouth went dry. like a bird in the clouds, surrounded by snowy plush blankets, he saw his little dove making herself feel so good against her pillow.

facing away from him, your legs draped on each side of it. your hips swayed, heavy and slow, as you tried to suppress the soft whimpers your throat escaped.

beomgyu pressed his lips together, teeth sinking into his lower lip until almost drawing blood. the messy nightdress, one delicate strap slipping off your shoulder. how the the silken fabric fell over your ass, not letting him see but inviting him to find out.

he wanted to see your doll face twisting in pleasure so desperately. to have you take in his cock and use him to fuck yourself so sweetly like that. only one door was stopping him. the door with the pink mother-of-pearl crucifix.

as though hypnotised, he quietly entered the room.

but when the door closed behind him with a click, you whirled around, eyes wide and breath catching in your throat. he froze in panic, too, as he saw how frightened you seemed. what the fuck were you expecting, you disgusting perv? came in the voice in his head.

your instinct was to retreat like a scared spider, flitting towards the head of your bed. fluffy white pillows framed your trembling body, with only a glimpse of your leg peeking out. your cheeks flushed with embarrassment, almost to an unhealthy degree, as you tried to cover yourself.

beomgyu took a cautious step forward, his obsession with you feeling safe in his presence outweighing how turned on he was. "please," he whispered, desperation in his voice. "don't be embarrassed." he said. or be. you're so adorable, all flustered like this.

"i��� i'm sorry," you stuttered, your words hesitant.

beomgyu raised his eyebrow, an endeared chuckle escaping his lips. "you're sorry?"

"i shouldn't have… i…" you struggled, avoiding his gaze and pressing your hands to your head in frustration. anxiously, you began to hit your head with the heels of your hands. "i'm so pathetic."

without hesitation, beomgyu rushed closer, wrapping his hands around your wrists in the world’s softest handcuffs. "not at all," he murmured softly, his voice soothing as he attempted to coax your frightened gaze to meet his own.

quietly, almost reverently, he knelt at the edge of the bed, perching himself over the mattress like a praying supplicant.

he was so fucking hard, his blood boiling inside his pulsating veins. scorchingly, painfully. his hands trembled a bit on your wrists as he struggled to contain himself, like the scorpion resisting the urge to sting the frog and drown them both.

“i loved seeing you like that.” he managed out, eyes fixated on yours. “i’m the pathetic one, i sneaked in here like some creep. i... i'm so sorry about what i said earlier today. i was mad at soobin, trying to get under his skin. but i'm kinder than that. i can be, for you. you shouldn’t be scared of me. please.” 

"i’m not." you said.

"good," he said. "i want you to trust me."

"i think... i think i do."

beomgyu took one of your hands, already entwined with his, and raised it to his lips, planting a delicate kiss on the back. you didn't pull away, though a slight flinch ran through you. his voice, soft and concerned, cut through the quiet, "is this alright?"

you met his gaze, his eyes looking up at you dilated and pleading like a puppy's. you nodded silently, allowing him to continue.

he pressed his lips against your skin a few more times, the wet sounds his mouth made filling the room. with a heavy breath, you took in every detail of his gentle kisses—the way his plump lips pressed and nibbled at your skin, how slow, almost ritualistically.

"what were you thinking about?" he asked, his voice a muffled purr against your skin.

"w-what?" you stammered, trying to buy time as your mind raced to come up with a lie less embarrassing than the truth.

"you were so pretty like that just now, all spread out like a good girl...” he murmured softly, "tell me what got you like that."

you stalled. with an achingly slow movement, you mirrored his action. you brought his hand to your mouth, and brushed your lips over it. barely touched, almost imperceptibly.

a shiver down his spine. a sting to his heart. he watched you in awed stillness, his watering mouth half-open. then you whispered, "you."

"fuck, i– i want to do so many things to you. if you'll let me." he said. a blush crept across your cheeks as you instinctively tried to shy away, but his fingers beneath your chin guided you back to meet his gaze. "what did i do to get you like that? was it because of what you heard me say?" he asked.

"because of everything." you replied.

he moved up from the floor with deliberate slowness, each motion purposeful as if he were approaching a skittish forest creature, determined not to scare it away. cautious, he inched closer, finally settling beside you on the bed. "tell me." he said. "i wanna hear."

"you're smarter than daddy," you began to say, your voice mumbled, as you gazed at him, his features so close you could count the flecks of gold in his eyes. "daddy thinks he's god's chosen one, but you keep outplaying him. so what does that make you?"

"a hellhound," he replied with a cynical smile, drawing even nearer.

"no," you said softly, shaking your head in disagreement. "you're good. and you're sweet to me." with tender care, you brushed his bangs, your fingertips delicately tracing the contours of his face like a child exploring a new toy. you lingered over his brows, his long lashes, the graceful curve of his cupid's bow, and the strong line of his jaw. "and you're… really pretty."

an impulse like a mighty wave of devotion pushed beomgyu to cup your face, his thumb tracing delicate lines over your skin as he asked, voice barely more than a whisper, "have you ever been kissed?"

"yes." you nodded. though there was a flicker of fear in your eye, like he would've been disappointed at that lack of purity. but if he did, he said nothing.

"show me how you do it." he urged, his words a gentle plea as he drew closer, his breath mingling with yours.

you leaned in painfully still, the weight of his gaze bearing down on you. but just before your lips met, you paused. hesitated. this changed everything. but beomgyu met your gaze unwaveringly, his eyes searching yours for any sign of regret or doubt. then, with a soft smile, he encouraged you forward.

you brushed your lips against his, ever so slightly. it was a trembling little touch. chaste. when you pulled away, beomgyu's eyes remained fixed on you, half closed and drunk in longing.

he gently pivoted the hand that had cupped your face, trailing its back along the curve of your cheekbone to finally rest it at the nape of your neck. "so pretty," he whispered. "why are you so scared?"

"i don't want to disappoint you," you mumbled softly.

beomgyu's response was immediate, a fervent shake of his head. "never," he insisted, his voice a husky plea, "you're doing so well. please, kiss me again."

with trembling fingers, you reached up to his neck, your heartbeat a wild rhythm in your chest. you nestled his upper lip within yours. a little more intensely this time, but still experimental, like you were gingerly trying to color within the lines.

beomgyu was gone. you were so soft and plush and just so scared to do anything wrong. he lingered, his thumb tracing the outline of your lips. "they're mine now," he said in a low growl.

he took over, giving you a deep wet kiss. unrestrained, heavy like a lion’s roar. as you moved your lips together, beomgyu demanded more and more, leaving you breathless. one of his hands rested on your thigh, tentatively stroking, fondling over the skin, as if to soothe you, to tell you everything was alright.

he tilted his head, seeking depth in your mouth. one of your hands traced up the length of his chest and reached his neck, which you squeezed tightly as you felt his mouth opening yours to let his tongue in. you tensed. he noticed. “do you like that?” he asked, breath heavy.

“i... yes."

and so he did it again. another painfully lusty kiss that left your lips soaked and swollen. you escaped a moan that he loved so desperately, making him bite on your lower lip, drawing another embarrassingly whiny whimper out of you. after a softer peck, he outlined the bitten skin with his tongue.

he devoured your lips again, eating out your mouth. he slipped his tongue back into your mouth to circle yours, playing with it; then he pulled back, as if urging you to follow him. he wanted you to try yourself.

his hand on your thigh moved to embrace your waist, fingers poking into your skin. you felt firm, secure. in the middle of the unbridled kiss, your tongue ended up in his mouth. so soft. my good little girl. he let out a grunt of satisfaction. happy with his reaction, your instinct got you to hold on to him tighter, trying to find a closeness that was impossible in that position.

he got frustrated at it, too, his groans turning into hummed pleading moans against your lips. for a painful second, he pulled away to say, "let me watch you fuck yourself, just like you were when i came in. please." he said. "would you be comfortable with that?" he asked. 

you nodded slightly, though you weren't even sure you were telling the truth. they were irreconcilable, avoiding embarrassment and giving in to the aching sensation in your pussy the moment he spoke those words.

he stretched his arm out toward the pillow, gently offering it to you, observing as you knelt on the bed and retook the position he had found you in. he helped you through it, caring for you with caresses and soft kisses, but he went back to seat at the edge of the mattress, gnawing lightly on his lip with anticipation. you didn't want that, you realised. you wanted him close.

you reached out your hand for him to grasp, "what is it, baby?" he asked, tending to you with gravity.

you guided him towards you, maneuvering him to recline half-seated against the bedhead. he caught on to your intentions and leaned in to give you a gentle peck before allowing his hands to settle on your hips, helping you in adjusting the pillow beneath you.

now on all fours, with him facing you, he noticed you wanted to say something, the words lingering on your lips. "is everything alright?" he asked, his hand tenderly caressing your arm.

you stammered a bit before shyly asking, “can you keep on kissing me?”

he smiled fondly. he would never in a million years be able say no to you. “of course, my angel.”

he drew nearer, his proximity warming you up. having him there like that, you didn't need to support yourself on your arms- instead, you found yourself instinctively clinging to his neck. with a mellow kiss and his hands firmly securing their hold on your hips, he led the start of the back and forward motion.

the first reactions the rubbing of your clit against the fabric drew out were subdued, mere soft moans and gentle breaths mingling with his the plush of beomgyu’s lips. but with his grasp pressing you down, those initial movements evolved into more intense and profound ones.

he let one of his hands abandon your hips to entwine his fingers in the strands of your hair. the louder your moans got, the tighter his grip on it. he was so hard, with no escape for it. but he liked the pain, the desperation. "you sound so beautiful, fuck–" he breathed out. "but i'm gonna feel so much better than that."

the promise echoed in your mind, getting you to let out a crying plead, "p-please, beomgyu..." you moaned out, as you fumbled with your hand to find his.

"you want me to help you out?" he asked, almost like it was a privilege.

"mhm," you whimpered with a sheepish, frantic nods.

"cute." he breathed out. his face was flushed and burning hot, his cock ached uncomfortably, but he spartanly focused on his little angel’s pleasure above anything else.

he wrapped his arms around your waist and took you to his lap, where he held you tight. "are you comfortable like this?" he asked, placing a a soft peck to your forehead.

"yes." you answered, embarrassingly. you were wet to the point of dampening your inners thighs, and you were mortified to have him see, to even stain him. but he'd notice soon enough.

he grunted as he kept on kissing down your face. your temples, the tip of your nose, the corner of your mouth, your ridiculously tasty lips. he held on to your waist for dear life with one of his arms, but allowed the other to travel down, slowly and deviantly towards your virgin pussy.

"you're soaked, my baby." he breathed out. you would've felt self-conscious at the exposure, but you saw in his eyes how bad he liked it. how starved and aroused he seemed when he began to caress your wet cunt with his slender fingers.

his cold touch startled you at first, making you hold on to his neck tighter. you were too sore, too sensitive. "don't be scared. i'm gonna take such good care of you," he said. "i promise."

tentatively, he stroked over the surrounding area of your aching centre, index and middle finger touching softly over your wetness. he performed circling motions in your clit, taking his time. getting to hear you. “b-beomgyu, you—god—you feel really good…”

he learned that when you liked something he did, you'd shower him in desperate soft pecks, like a puppy licks your hand after you pat its head. he wanted to see you react further, he wanted to try it all. he spread your pussy with both fingers and pressed forcefully against your throbbing clit with a third one. startled, you clutched his hair so firmly you feared you might have hurt him.

as by instinct, your thighs twitched from the overstimulation and seemed to want to close around his hand, but he didn't let them. he shushed into your lips with a soft "shhh," soothing as the seashore before leaning in for a honeyed kiss. he traced patterns against your cheek with his nose after pulling away. "its alright. you're doing so fucking well."

he let you catch your breath, but not for too long. he quickened his pace, your moans getting too loud, wept out and filthy enough to horrify all the saints in the house of god. it became a duel of you trying to suppress yourself and keep it quiet, and beomgyu trying to get everyone in the house to know how good he was for you.

to restrain the growing sound of your moaning, you buried your face into beomgyu’s neck, trying to muffle your voice against his body. but he huffed into your ear, "don't hold back. only you and me matter, no one else."

"i think i–" you whimpered into his ear, choking on your own puffs. the pleasure crept up on you, becoming too strong to bear and making your whole body shudder against his. "beomgyu, please..." you cried out.

he saw how close you were, and quickly thought if he should or should not stop it. tease you, edge you, have you go on all night. he could do so many things, he ached so much to do them all. but as he saw your pretty face so desperate to cum, how needy and palpitating, you were, he decided he had all the time in the world.

his movements quickened, each motion filled with urgency and strength. his veiny, strained forearm bore the weight of the world as he got you to your peak.

you came with a stifled cry but you muted your voice against his neck again. he wished he could've heard it in its full, piercing clarity, but he understood. you were so sheepish, his perfect little girl.

he didn't pull his hand away immediately, instead letting you feel his warmth for a little longer as you trembled against his chest. "my baby, you did so well," he whispered into your ear, his voice a soothing balm as he gently cradled your body.

now that the tension had drained from your limbs, you found yourself collapsing against him, your body limpy and worn out. it was then that you noticed the bulge in his pants. "beomgyu…" you murmured, your voice heavy. "teach me how to help you out."

"forget about me," he replied with a gentle smile. "i just wanted to get you to trust me tonight. to show you how good i can make you feel." 

you gazed at him, cherishing his handsome features. his cheeks were flushed, too, and his eyes so gentle. you couldn't help but cup his face in your hands, drawn to him. but as you leaned in to kiss him, he stopped you faintly, saying, "wait. don't kiss me. i want you to have something to look forward to, so you'll be excited to see me again tomorrow."

"you'll come back tomorrow?" you asked, your eyes lighting up with hope.

“i couldn’t stay away even if i wanted to,” he replied. but as he said it, he noticed a flicker of guilt crossing your face. gently, he brushed a strand of hair away from your reddened cheek. "how are you feeling?" he asked softly.

your gaze darkened slightly. "like i shouldn't have done it," you admitted. "like daddy saw everything."

"i'm… sorry," beomgyu said, his voice full of consternation.

"no, it's not your fault. those thoughts aren't real. i can make the guilt go away, in time," you reassured him. "but i like it when you hold me. that's real. i… like you. a lot, i think."

beomgyu didn't even know what to say. he struggled to understand how this could be wrong to any human religion or faith since the dawn of time, because to him this felt like heaven. he held you in his arms, all flushed and a little tired, your lips swollen like ripe cherries from the kisses he had given you. this was fucking nirvana for all he cared.

he deeply regretted his no-kissing rule, and he sought to end it immediately. he leaned in, but you stopped him.

"no," you chuckled, "don't kiss me. i want you to have something to look forward to so that you're excited to come back tomorrow."

he smiled back at you, like an absolute fool. maybe he was in love, even if it only had been a day, whatever. but how could he not be when he had the cutest being in existence all to himself? "give me a gift before i go, then," he said. "something i can carry with me.

"what do you want?" you asked.

"this," he said, pointing at your rosary beads. with a gesture that felt almost ceremonial, you took off the pendant and placed it around his neck. as you did, he couldn’t help but stare at your lips. "can’t i kiss you just a little?" he pouted.

you shook your head with a soft giggle. "your rules," you reminded him. "be stronger."

“fine. have it your way.”

he smiled, but it quickly vanished as you remembered him; “you should go. or soobin will know.”

he nodded, eyes filled with disappointment. the moment you lifted yourself off his lap, detached yourself off of him, an intense wave of pain surged through both of you. like a limb had been atrociously ripped off your body.

but just as he was about to leave, you grabbed his wrist, halting him. “beomgyu, wait,” you called out, rising to your knees to meet his gaze.

you pressed a gentle, lingering kiss on his cheek, just as you had done the night before. the softness of your touch sent a shiver down his spine. as you pulled back, beomgyu instinctively leaned forward, craving more. but you placed your index finger against his lips, stopping him. “you’re so weak,” you teased with a playful glint in your eyes.

he smiled ruefully. “i am,” he admitted with a sigh, the weight of reality settling back in. he really had to leave. “good night,” he murmured.

stepping out into the dark, the world felt colder, and his eyes struggled to adjust to the dimness. he lingered for a moment, leaning his back against the door, not wanting to leave just yet, but his head bumped against something.

of course.

he turned around to regard the crucifix, holding the one you had given him in his hands. same color, same material. a bittersweet smile played on his lips. “she was so good,” he told jesus christ. “and i think i made her happier, just a little. i feel a little happier too. i told you, it was much purer than you think.”

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ next part

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ so. i really struggled through this one. lemme know what you think.

[normansnt]

Ace

(Alastor x male reader)

Explain to Alastor what Ace means

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"(Y/N)?" Called out Alastor to you

"Yes?" You answered not looking up from what you were reading.

"Would you like to go, get some coffee with me, in, what your generation calls, a date?"

Now to this you looked up.

"What?" You answered very confused

"In a...romantic way?" He tried explaining it to you thinking thats the part you didn't understand.

"I mean...I would love to but you dont have to push yourself if it would make you feel uncomfortable" you answered while you put your book down slowly on the coffee table.

"Uncomfortable? Why would it make me uncomfortable we are close are we not?"

Now he got confused as well.

"Well because...your ace and/or aro?"

"What is with that word, Rosie said it as well and the meaning of it still avoids me" he answered starting to get annoyed by his lack of understanding.

"What- ohhhh what did you say when did you die?"

"1933, however its quite rude to ask someone that." He answered looking at you in a scolding way.

"I'm sorry but because you lived back than thats why you don't know that word, please sit let me explain"

He sat down on the couch in front of you.

"Ok, so when we say 'ace' we refer to someone who has little to no sexual attraction and aromantic or aro is someone who has little to no romantic attraction. Of course there is much more to this subject but this kind of sums it up."

Alastor just stared at you.

Him? Not being interested in romantic relationships or sex??

Thats...true. He never felt the need to sleep with anyone he was doing totally fine without it. Romance...was another category completely however, and he didn't know if it was something he was interested in it or not.

He asked you out in the first place because he felt very good in your presence. He felt comfortable and content. Was that not romance?

"Alastor?" He has been staring at you for a while and it was quite creepy.

"Listen I understand thats a lot of information to process especially if you just realized some things about yourself so I can leave if you like-"

"No" Answered Alastor a bit fast. He has made up his mind. He might not be interested in a sexual relationship however he really wanted to kiss you right now.

"It might be true that I have not known this so far in my life or death, and you did make me realize some things about myself, but even so my offer still stands."

"Oh? Are you sure because I only want to if it doesn't make you uncom-"

You couldn't get the rest of your sentence out due to a pair of lips on yours.

Alastor kissed you.

You were stunned for a second but after you realized what was happening you kissed back immediately.

His lips were surprisingly soft, not to mention he did pretty good looking at the fact that it was his first kiss.

"Trust me, dear, If something would make me uncomfortable I wouldn't do it." He said grinning and holding your chin after you two parted.

You were a blushing mess.

You've never thought about Alastor that way, since you thought he was aromantic. But now that you did, fucking god, you like him.

Whit that thought in mind you kissed him again.

This time you stood up and he put his hands on your waist while yours were on his neck.

It wasn't a heated kiss and it will never be very likely you didn't want to step over his boundaries.

"...So my dear, would you like to get that coffee now?" He asked smiling while offering you his arm.

"I would love to" you smiled back at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guys I have a serious problem Im literally shitting words I have never written this many fanfics in one go🥹

BUT YK WHAT WORTH IT CUZ I LOVE EM

I literally love almost all characters in hazbin hotel so much I JUST CANNOT STOP💀

Thank you sm for the correction @whyarewehere103 😎🙏🧡

I hope you enjoyed your reading ladies,gentleman and other, good afternoon good evening and good night🦖🧡

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 17- No Ifs, Ands, or Butts

Summary: You and Javi are continuing to make progress on building your new house, until a few distractions are thrown your way that you definitely weren't expecting.

Word Count: 12.3K (how bad is it that I'm like, wow! What an average length for a chapter! Well done, me!)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), HELLO, STRAP IN EVERYONE. unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up irl pls), romantic? ANAL (you guys, I'm sweating), vaginal fingering, anal fingering, oral (f receiving), rimjob (f receiving), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink, insecurity but Javi being our consent KING and literally taking such good care of you (but would we expect anything less?!), Javi with dogs (hehehehe), everyone say thank you to our favorite village idiots Carter and Miller for helping out Javi and Osita (you'll see!!)

A/N: If there are two words to sum up the plot of this chapter, it is butts and dogs (if you watch Bluey, yes, the puppy is named after Muffin LMAO) 💀 I am so sorry this chapter took FOREVER, 1) Life has been crazy busy (parent teacher conferences sucked the life out of me for like a full week), and 2) I would be lying if I said I was not shakin' in my boots to post this bc I have never written legit butt stuff smut (say that 3 times fast) before and I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, so if you don't wanna read this chapter/skip the smut I will not be offended at all!! Also for my non-American friends, Home Depot is like a giant hardware store (that also sells hot dogs that absolutely slap) Okay, that's all, love y'all more than words, forehead kisses for all of you!! 😙 also please laugh at the name of this chapter I thought it was funny as hell, I'm crackin myself up

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“Okay, we have paint samples, countertop samples, carpet samples, sheets of drywall, toilets that are ordered can come get picked up on Tuesday, and we can let Danny know they finally have those screws he’s been looking for back in stock. That’s everything, right? Please say that’s everything.” You sighed, going over your home project to-do list for what felt like the 47th time before exiting out of Home Depot for what also felt like the 147th time this week. 

What had started as a plot of land and and a head full of ideas was slowly but surely becoming reality as progress on your new home came to fruition- as winter faded into spring, your house began to grow and change with the seasons, bare bones wooden beams and dirt of a few months ago now becoming walls, floors and roofs of the new place you’d spend forever in. While it was exciting to move into the stages of actually deciding what the inside of your home should look like (not just shape and size), it felt like you and Javi had been making a million and one decisions every day related to something to do with the house, and unfortunately, this Sunday night was no exception. 

“No, I think that’s everything.” Javi nodded, scanning over the wrinkled piece of paper in his hands once more. 

“We might as well just start changing our permanent address to this Home Depot. I’m pretty sure the employees are convinced we live here at this point.” You laughed, resting one hand on your hip, the other full of the sample swatches you and Javi needed to look at when you got home. “You sure that’s everything? Honestly, even if it’s not, let’s face it, we’ll be here some point later this week anyways. At least now it’s getting to the fun stuff- Paint and floors is a lot more fun than plumbing and electrical.” 

“I know. We’re almost there, Osita. Danny said 8 to 10 more weeks last time I talked to him.” 

“Over/under on how many more trips we make to Home Depot between now and then. I’m gonna say 56.” 

“You’re such a dork. I fucking hope it’s not 56.”

The two of you made your way out to the parking lot with hands full of goods, the sun slowly beginning to set behind the other buildings of the shopping center- a Chinese restaurant, a laundry mat, a building that had been under construction since your frequent trips to Home Depot began, and a pet store. 

You and Javi had tried the Chinese restaurant once, a few bites in simultaneously agreeing it was 100% the worst food you had ever had, never needed to go to the laundry mat, and god knows what the mystery building was getting turned into. You had, however, always wanted to go into the pet store, knowing it would be fun to walk around and look at the animals since it was something you loved doing as a kid with your brothers. But by the time the two of you were done with your hardware shopping, your brain was too fried to ever ask Javi if he wanted to go in and check things out as an entertaining thing to do. Tonight probably would have been no exception to the rule, but that was before you noticed the big sign posted in front of the store reading “Dog Adoption Event Today!” 

You and Javi had both agreed you had wanted to get a dog- that was something the two of you had easily agreed upon early on in your relationship- but like most things nowadays, you were waiting until the house was finished and you were out of the apartment before looking into getting one. You knew that going to look at dogs before the two of you could really do anything about it was a bad idea, but the longer you stared at that sign, the less and less willpower you began to have to keep yourself from running over there. 

“Jav.” You nudged, the two of you almost to Javi’s truck before stopping in your tracks, gesturing over to the pet store. Javi paused next to you, taking a moment to read the bright bold letters of the sign, letting out a deep sigh as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Baby, you know we can’t get a dog right now. Believe me, I want one too, but we gotta wait until the house is done first.” 

“I know. Can we just go look? Please?” While your puppy dog eyes were no match compared to Javi’s, you pouted your lip just about as far as it could go, batting your lashes at him with a pitiful frown on your face. You had no idea how Javi was ever going to be able to say no to your kids if he was already immediately caving from your silly, overexaggerated begging, let alone his own sweet brown eyes staring back at tiny versions of him. Regardless, right now, Javi’s lack of iron will was working in your favor, letting out another small sigh, contemplating for a moment before nodding his head in agreement. 

“Fine. But just looking, okay?” He muttered, almost as if he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince you. 

“Yes! Thank you! I promise, just looking… Probably.” You grinned, changing directions and speed walking across the parking lot towards the pet shop. Javi laughed to himself, shaking his head as he followed behind you. 

“I heard that.” 

As you walked through the front doors of the pet store, you were greeted with the sounds of high pitched barks and yaps, joining the few people gathered by the pen set up to contain the litter of what looked to be a mix of cattle dogs and something shorter and stumpier, the brown and cream speckled puppies bouncing and playing with the toys, blankets, and other littermates in the cage with them. You audibly let out a gasp as you looked down at the pure adorableness of the sweet little balls of fluff below you, squatting down next to the pen to get a better look at the group of puppies. 

“Oh my god, they’re so cute. Javi, they’re so freaking cute. Hi lil babies, aren’t you the most precious things ever?” You cooed, holding the back of your hand up to the cage for the playful puppies to sniff, their tiny bodies toppling over each other to smell you. 

As much as Javi wanted to be tough and strong willed to try and prove a point, you were right- these puppies were the cutest things he’d seen in a long time. Crouching down next to you, he glanced over, giving you the I told you this was a bad idea look that you knew you were bound to get from him the moment you saw the puppies. 

“They are really fucking cute.” Javi sighed in reluctant agreement, bringing his hand down by yours to try and pet some of the puppies through the cage. 

“Oh hi there! I see you two found the puppies!” An employee, an older woman with curly gray hair, smiled down at the two of you, gesturing towards the pen full of tiny, yapping pups. “Are you interested in adopting one?” You and Javi looked up at her, each of you letting out a deep breath before speaking at the same time, your answers lacking unison. 

“No.” 

“Maybe.” You quietly whispered under Javi’s no, letting out a little shrug, eyes darting away towards Javi to spare yourself from the eye roll you knew he was giving you from your response. “No, we’re not…” You finally agreed, giving another pouty, sad look to Javi. “We really want one, but we’re in an apartment right now and are moving into a house soon. We’re waiting until then to get one. Although these guys are making it very hard to keep it that way.” 

“I can understand that.” The woman laughed, a playful grin spread across her face, clearly sensing your willpower about the situation was much weaker than Javi’s. “Well, even if you’re not interested in adopting one right now, you’re more than welcome to pick them up or play with them! It’s good for them to practice being handled anyways.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Immediately, you stood up, bending over the edge of the pen to pick up one of the puppies closest to you, cuddling it against your chest as it squirmed and wiggled in your grasp. You sat bag down on the floor, cross legged as you cradled the puppy, eyes almost as wide and sweet as the dog you were now holding. “What’s this one’s name?” You asked the woman, carefully setting it down between your legs to let it bounce around. 

“That one is Muffin. He’s a feisty one, but a sweetheart.” She beamed, slowly bending down to pick up one of the stuffed toys in the cage, handing it over to Javi. Before you knew it, Muffin was scooting out of your lap and bolting over to Javi and the plush rabbit he was holding in his hands, making the both of you giggle at his goofy, floppy gallop. Javi held out the toy in front of him, a smile spreading across his face as Muffin bit down into the rabbit, shaking it in his mouth, tugging back at Javi’s grip on the stuffed animal. Any shred of stubbornness Javi was trying to hold out on was long gone, smiling and snickering just as wide as you as Muffin hopped into Javi’s lap, curling up with his toy in his mouth. 

Javi was like a little kid, practically giggling as he grabbed the stuffed rabbit and tossed it along the floor, watching Muffin slip and slide across the linoleum before pouncing on the toy and trotting back to Javi with it in his mouth. 

“Good boy! You’re smart, aren’t you?” Javi grinned, tugging at the toy before looking back at you and your look, screaming, So much for just looking, huh? without having to say a word. “He is really cute.” Javi admitted, trying his best to keep his composure from completely crumbling. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, giving each other the look that made you seriously contemplate if you were going home with a puppy today, until you looked back down at Muffin, now hunched over Javi’s foot, pee dribbling down his shoe. 

“Oh shit!” You grimaced, reaching up to pick up Muffin mid-stream, scooting him over to finish peeing on the floor instead of on Javi. 

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!” The woman gasped, grabbing some towels next to the cage, handing them off to Javi for him to wipe the pee off his shoe. “That is the thing with puppies, the potty training does take a while.” 

You were trying your best not to burst out into laughter as you picked Muffin back up, putting him back in the pen with the rest of his brothers and sisters, giving Javi and apologetic shrug at his current circumstances, knowing it was not helping your in any way shape or form to bring a puppy back to your apartment. “No it’s all good, no worries.” Javi smiled, wiping off his shoe with the towel and giving it a quick shake with a reluctant sigh, grounding him back in reality. 

“Can’t be any worse than stepping in a pile of cow poop.” You teased as Javi looked down in disappointment at his shoe, finally beginning to shake his head and laugh along with you. “Alright, you win, Mr. Reasonable. Muffin has made a very good case for no puppies at the apartment.” 

“Eventually baby, I promise.” Javi smirked, giving you a little nudge, the two of you waving goodbye to the cuteness corralled in the kennel behind you, finally making your way back to the car after your detour. 

Well… So much for that plan.  

“What about this one?” 

“Baby, I don’t know, at this point, they all just look like the same color.” You sighed, slumping your hand in your face, resting your elbow on the kitchen table where you and Javi sat, paint swatches spread across the wooden surface, among scattered samples of carpet, countertops and backsplash tiles. “I don’t think my brain can make any more house decisions tonight.”  

“Me either.” Javi huffed, reaching across the table to organize the paint sample cards into a pile next to the stack of other house things that now seemed to have a permanent home with you during dinner time. “I had no fucking idea there were so many goddamn shades of beige.” 

“It definitely doesn’t help that we’re trying to just pick through different shades of brown instead of fun colors.” You laughed, gathering the samples in front of you and stacking them in Javi’s pile as he stood up, pushing in his chair and making his way to the other side of the table where you sat, coming behind you to drape his arms over your shoulders, pressing a soft kiss into your hair as you leaned your head back into his chest, wrapping your arms around his to pull him closer. 

“Fun colors? What, you wanna paint the house purple, Hermosa?” Javi smiled, giving you a little shake in your chair making you giggle. 

“No, you dork. I was actually thinking more hot pink or neon green.” You retorted, giving Javi a nudge back tiling your head up towards him. “No, I don’t know, I know we want something neutral through the house but like, it’ll be fun to pick cute paint colors when we have kids and stuff.” 

Javi squeezed you a little tighter, his heart warming at the thought of when they’d get to do this again when there were actually kids in the picture to fill the empty rooms of their house. No matter how many times you and Javi talked about it, he was sure he’d never get over the fact that you wanted to have a family with him. It was a dream that had come and gone for him all those years ago, resigning himself to a life of simply surviving, even after he had returned home to Laredo. But now, the fact that dream was in reach, and undoubtedly in the near future had him beaming, knowing there was no one else in the world he wanted to spend the rest of his life and build a family with beside you, and that for some reason he still couldn’t quite comprehend, you felt the same way. 

While you had agreed that you would wait until you were married and your house was completely finished before you started trying and your birth control made its permanent home in the trash, with every day that he got closer to marrying you, finalizing your house and starting the newest chapter of your lives together, Javi couldn’t help but feel a want, no, a need, to start a family with you- to fulfill a purpose he so desperately craved to be a father. 

“Well…” Javi grinned, leaning back down to kiss your neck, his pecks becoming much more tender and slow with each press of his lips, “you could let me put a baby in you right now, and we could pick out fun paint colors along with the borning brown ones. Got a lot of rooms we need to fill and paint, Osita.”

“Javier Peña! You are a menace! You have to stop with the baby talk, or I swear, you’re about to make me cave in and crumble. You are testing every ounce of willpower I have.” You sighed, shaking your head as you looked up, entranced by Javi’s sweet brown  eyes and their powerful effects. 

While you and Javi both had undeniable cases of baby fever ever since you had gotten engaged, there was something about knowing you were about to have your own house with 4 extra rooms, solely built for the purpose of being filled with your kids that drove you, and even worse, Javi, absolutely crazy. In the past few weeks, the house had taken shape enough to finally have rooms that actually looked like rooms, Javi making it a point every time the two of you went over to check on progress, to point out just how good the spare bedrooms looked, like he was the most proud of those 4 extra rooms more than any other space in the house.   

The irrational part of you would have given him a baby yesterday, but the rational part of you knew you wanted to be married and have every last inch of that house finished before you brought a baby there. But every time Javi saw those bedrooms, looking at you with that big, goofy grin on his face for his children that didn’t even exist yet, oh god, did it make you want to say fuck it to every ounce of rationality you had left. 

“I think you have baby fever worse than I do, Jav. And that’s saying something.” You teased, reaching up to scrunch his cheeks. With another little giggle and content sigh, you pushed yourself up out of your chair, coming around the back of it to get the slightest running start to jump on him, full koala style, wrapping your arms and legs around his broad back, making the two of you burst out in laughter as he spun you around while you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck, covering him with little kisses. “I love you so much. You’re gonna be such a good dad, you know that?” 

“I love you too, Osita. I hope I am. I want to be.” Javi sighed, a hopeful half smile pursed between his lips, causing you to cup both your hands around his face, forcing him to look at you. 

“You will be. I promise.” Tilting your head in, you pressed a soft, tender kiss onto his lips, lingering just a little longer than normal for your added reassurance. “Alright, I gotta get down now though, we have dishes we have to put away, and I have to shower tonight since I have a staff meeting tomorrow morning before school and I don’t wanna have to get up earlier than I need to.” 

“Un beso más (One more kiss).” Javi smiled, gripping a little tighter on your thighs wrapped around his legs, refusing to let go until you fulfilled his request. 

“Solamente un beso más? Por qué no dos? Tres? (Only one more? Why not 2? 3?)” You giggled, one of your hands running through the thick curls of his hair, while the other traced soft circles along his jawline. 

“Me gustaría darte todos los besos, Osita. Te daría cualquier cosa. (I’d give you all the kisses, Osita. I’d give you anything.)” Leaning in, your mouths met again in a soft and sweet moment, a kiss that felt like he meant it- He would give you the world if you asked for it, and then some. 

“God, I could kiss you forever. Alright, Romeo, put me down, we got things to do, and if you don’t, I know for a fact none of those things are getting done.” 

“Fine.” He sighed overdramatically, letting your legs fall to the floor as he released his grasp. “I’ll clean up dinner and you can go take a shower.” 

“I can help with cleaning up, Jav. You made dinner, the least I can do is-” 

“Go get your ass in the shower. I’ll clean it up.” He smiled, planting a kiss on the top of your head before gesturing towards the bathroom, making you cross your arms over your chest with an unseriously stern look on your face. 

“Are you trying to tell me that I smell? Rude. Sure you’re not the one who needs to shower after your foot got covered in piss?” You raised an eyebrow at him, trying your best not to laugh. 

“Go shower, you dork.” Javi chuckled, giving your ass a playful slap as you parted ways, sticking your tongue out at him as you disappeared down the hallway and into the bathroom.

After a long, and even hotter shower than usual (considering you didn’t have to account for Javi’s temperature complaints), you wrapped yourself up in your towel and headed back to your room, where you found Javi laying in bed, reading one of the books you had been teasing him about for the past few weeks as it sat on his nightstand, unopened, even though he insisted he really was going to read it soon. As if the fact that him finally opening up and reading the book wasn’t enough to taunt him about, the way his face scrunched as he squinted at the pages certainly was. 

“You doin’ alright over there, Grandpa? Jav, you just have to give in and get glasses, you know you can’t see anything, stop trying to fight it.” You giggled, your appearance in the bedroom catching Javi’s attention, making him rest his open book over his stomach. 

“I don’t need glasses. I can see just fine. I’d look stupid in them, anyways.” He grumbled, refusing to admit that you were right even though he knew just as well as you that his eyesight was definitely not what it once was. He let out another sigh, dogearring the page of his book and setting it on his nightstand, his grumpy demeanor quickly shifting as you gave him that playful smirk you always did when you wanted to rub something in to prove your point. You let out another laugh as Javi rolled his eyes at you, shifting himself on the bed to lay on his side, face resting in his palm with those sweet puppy dog eyes that never left your sight any time he watched you get ready, even if all it meant was putting on one of his oversized shirts and sleep shorts to go to sleep in. 

“Yeah, okay.” You replied, your voice oozing with sarcasm. “And you wouldn’t look stupid in glasses, you look hot in anything, and I’m sure you would look extra hot with 20/20 vision.” 

“Pendejo…” 

“You love me.” 

The two of you laughed as you shuffled through the drawers of your dresser, pulling out one of Javi’s t shirts to wear to bed along with a pair of underwear and cotton shorts, piling the clothes next to you as you unwrapped your towel drying yourself off once more before letting it drop to the floor so you could change. You could see Javi’s reflection staring back at you, more specifically, your ass in the mirror, an awestruck and lustful look growing in his eyes as you reached over to pick up your shirt. 

“I can literally feel your eyes burning a hole through my ass, Jav.” You sassed, smirking back at him through the mirror as you watched him bite down on his lip. 

“Fuck, I love your ass so much, you know that?” Javi rasped, his tongue gently darting between his lips, eyes still locked on your behind. 

“Yes, Javi, you are very adamant about letting me know how much you love it.” You snickered, slipping his shirt over your head, followed pair your pair of underwear, opting to completely forgo your shorts to play into his comment. You crawled up into bed next to him, nudging him over so his back laid on the mattress and you laid on top of him, pressing a soft, slow kiss against his lips as his hands roamed down your back, sneaking under the hem of your shirt to knead the soft flesh of your ass, letting out a low groan as your mouths met. 

“Because it’s fucking perfect.” He hummed, gripping his fingertips even deeper into your skin after sliding them under the thin, cotton fabric covering it. 

“Wow, someone’s in a mood about my butt tonight. Didn’t know your giant t-shirt and my plain ass underwear was really doin’ it for ya.” You joked, a little grin spread across your face as you ran your hands through Javi’s hair before sliding them down his face to cup his jaw. It didn’t take long for you to realize that the look on Javi’s face had quickly turned from one of lust to deep thought, his brow scrunched and nostrils flared, making you tilt your head in confusion. “What’s wrong?” You asked, immediately noticing the shift in his demeanor. “You only get that look when you’re really thinking hard about something, or you have to fart and you’re trying to hold it in, and I’m really hoping it’s not the second one.” 

Your comment was enough to snap him out of his own thoughts, making him shake his head as the two of you laughed, Javi still holding back slightly as his eyes shifted down towards the mattress, practically hearing the gears in his brain turning, when all of a sudden, it clicked with you. 

Oh shit. 

The combination of his stare down and silence told you everything you needed to know. 

You tilted his chin back up towards your face, a curious smirk stretched between your lips as you raised an eyebrow at him. 

“You wanna fuck my ass, don’t you?” 

Your voice was sweet and sultry, immediately making Javi’s face go blank in shock that you had connected the dots before he had even said anything. You could hear your heart pounding in your chest almost as loudly as Javi’s, a nervous swarm of butterflies filling your stomach as you waited for him to respond. 

You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it before. There had been plenty of times that Javi had put a thumb or fingers in your ass when he fucked you from behind, and holy shit, did it feel good whenever he did it. You’d honestly debated bringing it up before, but there was a part of you that could never bring yourself to do it because you never had, and you couldn’t help but feel nervous about it. 

It wasn’t that you didn't trust Javi- You’d trust him with your whole life without a second thought. There had never been a time since the moment you first had sex that your comfort wasn’t always his first priority. But with how full Javi felt inside you with just a thumb or a finger, couldn’t help but make you feel a little worried with how big he’d feel with his whole dick inside your ass. 

You also couldn’t help but feel a preemptive guilt if it ended up being too much and you had to ask him to stop, not that he would ever make you feel bad about it, but still, you couldn’t help but play out worse case scenarios in your head. But something about that look in his face as he stared you down in the mirror and head turning deep in thought was enough to spark that little flame of confidence you had brewing and beat him to the punch. 

“Hermosa…” He paused, the Adam's apple of his throat bobbing as he gulped, taking an anxious deep breath. “Baby, I-” 

“Do you?” 

The tightened grip of his fingers in your ass, gentle nod of his head and the low groan releasing from his chest was all you needed to know to figure out the answer to your question without even needing Javi to say a single word. His free hand mirrored yours, cupping your cheek as the two of you locked hungry gazes with each other, Javi now finally working up enough confidence to respond. 

“I want to so fucking bad.” Javi rasped, his dark brown eyes filled with a mix of desperation and need for reassurance. “But if you don’t want to, I don’t ever want to make you do something you’re not comfortable with. I promise, I won’t be upset about it at all.” The confident facade you had been fronting quickly began to crumble, your body flooding with a combination of nerves and excitement. 

“I do, I just- I- I’ve never done it before.” You weren’t sure how your voice had gotten so small and meek- maybe it was the reality of what you were about to do setting in at a rapid pace. Something about the sweet, soft innocence of your voice already had Javi hard as a rock, using every ounce of willpower to keep his composure, considering how even just the thought of even getting to put his dick in your ass already had him on edge. 

“That’s okay. Like I said, it’s only if you want to, baby. We can take it slow and if it’s too much, I’ll stop, no questions asked.” 

You could feel your head beginning to gently nod in agreement as Javi’s thumb rubbed soft circles on your jaw, a little smirk forming between your cheeks while your heart raced at a million miles per hour, almost feeling as worked up and nervous as the very first time the two of you had sex all that time ago. 

“I want to.” You whispered, letting your lips meet his in a tender and ferocious passion, muted moans escaping from each of your parted mouths. 

“You’re sure? I don’t want you to say yes just because I want to.” And fuck, could you feel how badly he wanted to, his fully hard dick straining against the fabric of his sweatpants, heavy against your thigh. You were no better despite your nerves, the cotton fabric of your underwear absolutely drenched already without Javi even touching you. 

“I’m sure. I promise.” 

A low groan rumbled deep in Javi’s chest as your mouths met again, Javi flipping you over so your back was flat against the mattress, letting his hands roam along your body while his lips traveled down your neck and collarbone. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, sweet girl. Gonna take my time with you, okay? I promise I’ll make sure you’re ready.” 

“Well I appreciate you just not going straight to shoving your dick into my ass, very gentlemanly of you.” You joked, trying to calm your nerves with your sarcastic wit, Javi practically snorting at your comment. 

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Javi whispered to himself through his laughter, resting his head on your chest as he looked up at you in amusement. 

“Sorry, I’ll stop and let you get back to business.” Javi lay frozen, still staring up at you with his head cocked to the side, eyebrows raised. 

“Osita, you know I love you very much, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“And that since we’ve been together, I’ve learned a lot of things about you? 

“Also yes.” 

“So you know I can tell when you’re nervous about something, right?” 

You let out a defeated sigh, crossing your arms in stubborn defiance, not wanting to admit that you knew Javi’s suspicions were correct. You waited a moment, and with a little frown pursed between your lips, you finally gave in. 

“...Yeah.” 

Javi rolled over next to you, draping one arm over your waist, the other holding his chin in his hand with his elbow propped up against the mattress, his tender gaze locking with yours, filling you with a sense of calm and reassurance you were convinced nothing else in the world could. “Osita, talk to me baby. What are you nervous about?” 

You flapped your arms up before planting them over your face, burying your head in your hands in embarrassment, your words muffled from underneath your palms. “What am I nervous about? Not to stroke your ego any more than it needs to be, but you have a huge dick, Jav. I’m also guessing this isn’t your first time, and it is for me, and you being the first giant dick to ever enter my ass has me a little nervous.” You rambled, your thoughts spilling out of your mouth faster than your brain could process them. “I really want to, I just don’t want it to not be good for you or for you to be upset if we stop or- I don’t know. I don’t want you to be mad about it if I’m the reason for- I- I’m probably overthinking it, I’m sorry.” You let out another deep exhale, averting your gaze from Javi’s staring down at the bed. 

This time, it was Javi’s turn to connect the dots, taking a moment to wonder why you were so worried about making him upset before putting the pieces together, his prediction making him clench his jaw in frustration. “Paul wanted to do it and you said no and he was a fucking asshole to you about it, wasn’t he?” 

Your head instantly shot up, swiveling around towards Javi’s agitated grimace, your face almost as shocked as Javi’s was when you had asked him if he had wanted to do this in the first place. “How… Javi, how did you-” 

“That motherfucker… he didn’t hurt you did he? I swear to God if he did, I’ll fucking fly up to Chicago right now and I’ll-” 

“Jav, Jav, cool your jets, killer.” You laughed softly, pressing your hand to his cheek to try and ground him before he really was on the next flight to Illinois. “No, he never did anything. He said that he wanted to and it kinda came out of the blue- I didn’t really want to at the time, especially not with him. He kept asking and asking and I would tell him no and he got so mad about it. Turns out that was around the time he started cheating on me anyways, and became an even bigger dickhead than he already was. But I always felt so guilty, and that it was my fault he was upset because I didn’t want to. I don’t know- I- I guess maybe this has stuck with me way more than it probably should have.” You could feel your voice shrinking, your eyes darting away once again, mortified by the fact that you completely ruined the moment by bringing up your shitty ex and his blatant lack of respect. “Sorry, I don’t know why we’re talking about this I-“ 

Before you could finish the rest of your sentence, Javi’s lips were on yours, swallowing the rest of your words as your mouths met with a passionate intensity, letting his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you in closer, caging his chest against yours. “Hermosa, you know I would never be mad at you about something like that, right? I love you, Osita, you have nothing to apologize for. All I ever want is to make you feel good, baby. Fuck, that gets me off more than anything else. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.” 

“I trust you, Javi.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, lips grazing over his, giving him a gentle nod of reassurance. “I want you to.” 

You could audibly hear the gulp Javi had let out, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he let out a low groan, tightening the grip he had around your waist. “Want me to what, sweet girl? I wanna hear you say it, baby.” His lips began to travel down your jawline towards your neck, hot and wet presses languidly making their way to your collarbone as he tugged at the end of your shirt, snaking his hands up the soft skin of your stomach. You could feel the heat building in your core, letting out a soft moan as his hands palmed at your breasts, rolling your pebbled nipples between the tips of his fingers. 

“I want you to fuck my ass, Javi.” 

With that, his hands were shuffling your shirt over your head, tossing it over the side of the bed before letting his kisses make their way down your newly exposed skin, letting his tongue flick along each nipple before letting his gaze lock with yours, a small smirk spreading across his face. “I promise I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good, Hermosa. Gonna take good care of you, baby, I swear.” 

“I know.” You nodded, staring back at the hunger pooling in the dark brown of his eyes, practically squirming in the sheets of your bed from the throbbing between your legs, feeling the slick almost dripping down your thighs from just how turned on you were. The grin on Javi’s face had become devilish, biting down on his bottom lip as he snaked his hand down your front, tugging at the waistband of your panties, sliding them down your legs before running a finger through your slit, already drenching him with your arousal. 

“Turn around, baby. Hands and knees, okay?” You could hear the subtle smugness in his tone, giving you a playful squeeze as he grabbed your hips, flipping you over face down on the mattress, making you squeal. You did Javi one better, laying your chest flat against the sheets, lifting your ass up in the air and giving it a little shake, Javi’s hands instantly kneading at the soft flesh in front of him, digging his fingertips deeper into your skin, feeling his hot breath hovering over your cunt. 

Suddenly, you felt a long, wide strip of his tongue through your folds, pressing hard and intensely along your clit before diving in like a man starved, lapping you up as he began to eat you out from behind. Each stroke of his tongue was more persistent than the last, the grip of his hands on your hips pulling your heat closer to his face as he licked and sucked at your throbbing bundle of nerves, the mix of your slick and his saliva coating your inner thighs. His feverish pace already had you fisting at the bedsheets, whimpering and moaning as his mouth worked along your dripping core, making you gasp even further when you felt his tongue begin to travel up towards your tight ring of muscle. 

“Oh holy fuck- Javi, oh my god, baby. Fuck me, oh shit.” You whimpered as Javi’s tongue swirled along your puckered hole, dancing around the edges before dipping inside, the sensation making you shudder in pleasure, feeling Javi’s low hum of approval deep in the back of his throat. If that wasn’t enough, one of the hands that had a tight grip on your ass was now collecting the slick dripping from your entrance, his fingers tracing through your folds before pressing firmly on your clit, the added stimulation immediately making the tingle begin to build at the base of your spine. As he worked at your hole, the pads of his fingers circling your sensitive bundle of nerves you could feel your breath becoming ragged, letting out a few more shaky exhales before your orgasm crashed through you, crying out into the soft fabric of the sheets, pleasure and euphoria flooding your body. 

As you came down from your high, Javi let his hands slide gently up and down your sides, pressing soft kisses along your back until he had made his way up your shoulder blades and neck, whispering tenderly into your ear. “Such a good girl for me, Osita. Came so hard letting me eat out that pretty little ass of yours. You want me to keep going?” 

“Fuck yes, oh my god Javi, please.” You whimpered, shaking your head frantically as you looked back at Javi, already sitting back on his knees to lift his shirt over his head before sitting up to kick off his sweatpants and boxers, letting his cock spring free, precum glistening and weeping from his tip, considering how painfully hard he had been since even the thought of getting to fuck your ass. 

You could feel his body hovering over yours, hands sliding up and down your sides before grabbing at your ass again, placing tender kisses on each cheek before leaning over to the nightstand on his side of the bed, pulling out the bottle of lube and setting it next to him. His hands roamed to your core once again, two fingers dipping into your cunt, curling to hit the soft, spongy spot inside you that already had you moaning again. 

It wasn’t long until his fingers were substituted for his cock, running his tip through your folds, collecting your arousal along his length before slowly pushing inside your pussy, already so wet and worked up, that even with sweet sting of his stretch, he still slid in with ease, setting a steady, even pace as one hand dug into your hip, the other reaching over to grab the bottle of lube, popping open the cap with a click and letting the cool liquid drip over your tight hole, making you gasp. You could feel the pads of his fingers pressing at the entrance to your ass, gently teasing you open with one finger, breeching up to his knuckle, the combination of both his finger and cock inside you making you whimper in pleasure. 

“That’s it. Such a good girl. Fuck, you’re already so fucking tight around my finger. You want another one in there, baby?” Javi mewled, prodding his finger deeper into your hole as he continued to thrust into you, his strokes slow and steady, but still punching deep into your g-spot with each thrust of his hips against the back of your thighs. 

“Yes- oh fuck- yes, oh my god.” You weren’t really quite sure how your brain was still even managing to form words at this point, the warm feeling that had been growing inside you spreading to every inch of your body. The pad of Javi’s second finger teased at your tight hole, collecting ample amounts of you slick and lube before pushing in to join the first, the thickness of both of his fingers making you clench even tighter around his cock and digits as you cried out in delight. 

“Shhhhhh, I know, sweet girl. Relájate (relax) baby, I’ve got you.”  

You could already feel your second orgasm starting to build again, heat beginning to bloom in your belly from the rhythmic pounding of Javi’s dick punching against your g-spot and his fingers prodding at the nerve endings of your ring of muscle, already feeling so full from the stretch of both holes. 

“Fuck, fuck fuck- oh fuck- Javi, I’m gonna cum again, fuckahhhhhhh-” You cried out, letting your second orgasm hit you even harder than your first, clenching down around Javi’s cock and fingers as you grabbed at handfuls of your bedsheets, trying to ground yourself as the intensity of your pleasure ripped through you. 

“There you go, Hermosa. That’s it, baby. Such a good girl. Did so good for me.” He cooed, gently pulling out both his cock and fingers, the emptiness making you shutter as Javi pressed tender, soft kisses down your back before making his way up your neck and nipping at your ear. “You think you’re ready for me, Osita? If not, it’s okay, I only wanna do what you want, mi amor (my love).” 

You took another few ragged breaths to compose yourself, unsure how your brain was even managing to function at this point as you came down from your high, trembling in delight. You nodded before you could speak, Javi letting out a low groan as he sucked at your pulse point, his words hot and heavy against your skin. 

“Need to hear you say it, pretty girl. Tell me what you want and it’s yours.” 

“Fuck my ass, Javi. I want you to fuck my ass, please baby.” You whined, whimpering your words against the soft fabric of your sheets, desperate for more, needing to feel all of him inside you in a way you hadn’t before. 

Javi let out an audible groan as he pulled back, letting his hands roam up your body and back to the lube resting on the bed, once again, popping open the cap and squirting some of the liquid into his palm as he fisted his dick, stroking himself a few times before lining himself up with your tight hole. “You promise you’ll tell me if you want me to stop?” 

You shook your head rapidly, fingers already gripping into the pillow in front of you as you braced yourself for Javi to enter, feeling his tip press against your tight ring of muscle. Suddenly, you could feel the sensation of Javi breeching your entrance, making you gasp at just how full you already felt as he had barely made his way inside you. Javi pushed further in, leaving you practically breathless from the stinging stretch of his cock filling you as he paused halfway, leaning over to check on you. 

“Oh fuck me- You okay, sweet girl?” 

“Mhhmmmmmm. Fuck Javi, you feel so big. Holy shit, baby. Oh fuck.” You gulped, squeezing around Javi’s length as he inched deeper and deeper inside of you, your clit and cunt throbbing as he filled you, the newfound sensation making you see stars. You were so focused on how you were feeling, you had barely noticed how tightly Javis fingertips were gripping into the soft flesh of your ass, like he was bracing himself for dear life as he sunk further and further into your tight hole. 

While Javi had found himself in this position with other women a handful of times before, he had never come close to feeling the same way about anyone the way he did about you- He had been dreaming about the day that you agreed to let him fuck your ass, and now finding himself inside you, knowing he would be the first and the last to ever have you like he was right now, had him on the brink of busting any second if he wasn’t careful. Javi had never been more thankful that you couldn’t see his face, because he knew he looked absolutely wrecked and was struggling to keep the ounce of composure he had left as you gripped around his cock like a vice. 

“Javi, oh shit- Javi, you can move baby.” You moaned, adjusting to his fullness, the initial pain quickly transforming to burning hot pleasure as you gave Javi the green light to keep going. After a few seconds, when Javi had said nothing and hadn’t moved at all, you spoke again, thinking maybe he hadn’t heard you. “Javi, I’m good, you can-” 

“I know, I know, fuck- sorry, baby. Jesus Christ- you’re so fucking tight, Hermosa, fuck me. Give me a second or I’m gonna fuckin’ bust right now.” Javi replied, halfway between a whimper and a moan as he firmly grasped your hips, carefully setting a slow pace as he began to thrust in and out of your ring of muscle, shocked to feel how quickly heat was beginning to bloom in your belly once again, his length languidly sliding in and out of your asshole, filling you and striking new nerve endings you had never felt before making you quickly begin to come undone. 

Your legs began to tremble, grasping at the mattress to brace yourself as you felt your clit throb and cunt clench as the coil in your belly tightened further and further, the lewd noises of your moans and grunts filling the room. 

“Javi, fuckfuckfuck, oh my god, baby I’m so close again, holy fuck.” You cried out, as even just the slightest pick up of Javi’s pace had you reeling closer and closer to the edge of your release. Javi freed one of his hands, snaking it between your legs to rub at your sensitive bundle of nerves, already swollen and pulsing from your first two orgasms, and now even more responsive as the pads of his fingers circled against it. 

Javi wanted desperately to hold out for you and make you cum as many times as you wanted to just like this, but he knew damn well the moment you came and clamped down even harder around his cock than you already were, he was a fucking goner and going right along with you. He needed to give you one more before he also came embarrassingly fast, but he couldn’t help it. 

“Fuck Osita, fuck- I’m not gonna last much longer either, baby. Need you- oh shit- need you to give me one more, pretty girl. Cum for me, Hermosa, I’ve got you.” 

With only a few more strokes and circles around your clit, you were cumming so hard, you were honestly convinced you had blacked out. Your whole body shook as you wailed in delight, squeezing around Javi’s dick so hard it was only seconds before he was following suit, letting a ragged groan escape through his gritted teeth as you milked him of every last drop, Javi bracing himself for dear life with the grasp he had around your hips as he finished. 

Javi slumped over you, the two of you breathing so heavily it sounded more like you had just finished a triathlon more than anything else. He let out a deep hiss as he pulled out, taking a moment to admire his work as he watched his spend drip out your tight hole as your body collapsed onto the mattress. 

You weren’t sure how long you had been laying there before you were finally able to wrangle the brain power to speak again, and even then, the only words that you were able to manage were a quiet “holy fucking shit…” 

Javi flopped down, laying on his back next to you as you rolled over, both of your faces bright and blissed as you stared at one another, almost unsure of what to say. 

“Are you okay?” Javi asked, gently cupping your flushed cheek in his palm. 

“Am I okay? Javi… Holy fuck. I don’t think I have ever cum so hard in my entire life. I honestly thought I blacked out there for a second. Baby… That was, fuck, that was insane.” You half laughed to yourself, shaking your head in disbelief. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fucking great. Holy shit. Sorry I couldn’t last longer, I didn’t think I was gonna go that fast but you felt so fucking good. Thank you, Osita.” 

“Thank you? For what?” You giggled, giving Javi a playful poke on the chest as you raised an eyebrow at him. 

“For this. For trusting me.” 

“Javier Jesús Peña…” You smirked, propping yourself up on your arm to get a better look at him, “I trust you with my life. More than anyone I’ve ever met. I should be the one thanking you for so graciously taking my butt virginity. Wouldn’t want anyone else in there besides you.” 

The two of you burst into laughter, Javi practically letting out a snort as he rolled his eyes at your ridiculous comment. “God, you’re fucking ridiculous. I love you, Osita.” 

“I love you too, Javi. C’mon, let's go shower before your cum sits in my asshole any longer and I get pregnant with your butt baby.” You snickered as you rolled off the bed, making your way to the bathroom. 

“Jesus fucking Christ… Butt baby? Seriously?” He snorted, following behind you, giving you a playful smack on your ass, scooping you up to hike you over his shoulder and fireman carry you to the shower, making you squeal. “You’re so fucking weird.” 

“Weirdo you love enough to put your dick in my ass and make your wife, so that’s on you, Jav.” You giggled as Javi set you down on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, giving him a little shrug before reaching into the shower to turn on the water. 

“And what a fucking lucky man I am.” 

Ever since starting his job at the Laredo Sheriff's Department, Javi had been able to count on a few things every morning when he got into work. Sheryl at the front desk would greet him with a half hearted “Good morning, Javier” , the smell of shitty work coffee would be brewing in the break room, and Agent Carter and Miller already arguing about something stupid at their desks instead of working on anything that actually needed to get done. That’s why when Javi made his way into work on Monday morning and was not greeted by any of those things, he knew his day was getting thrown for a loop- he just wasn’t quite sure how yet. 

“It was their idea, not mine, believe me.” Sheryl grumbled, rolling her eyes as she nodded towards the path to Javi’s office, holding her hands up in defense as if to prove she had nothing to do with whatever was going on beyond her desk. Javi paused, tilting his head and scrunching his brow in confusion at Sheryl before letting out a sigh, and hesitantly making his way back to find out what in the world she was talking about. 

He was surprised by the lack of Miller and Carter’s presence in their desk chairs, and the unusual silence filling the office as Javi turned his head, wondering where everyone was. He peered over the cubicles, looking for any sign of life, until a strange sound caught his attention from behind the door of his office. 

Woof, woof, woof! 

Javi shook his head, convinced he must be hearing things until the low bark repeated, followed by a hush of anxious voices whispering around the corner. 

“Oh no, shhhhhh! Shit, I didn’t think he was gonna bark.” 

“Well it’s a fucking dog, Carter, what the hell did you think it was gonna, do, meow?”

“Maybe he didn’t hear it.” 

“I highly doubt that, dumbass. God, he’s gonna be fucking pissed.” 

“Your idea, not mine.” 

Even though he couldn’t see them, Miller and Carter’s worried whispers were enough to let Javi know he wasn’t imagining the barking coming from behind his office door. Letting out a deep sigh, which sounded a lot more like a groan, Javi carefully twisted open the doorknob to his workspace, only to be greeted by a large, shaggy and very dirty Golden Retriever staring back at him with big brown eyes, happily wagging its tail and shaking excitedly at Javi’s presence. Although Javi had heard the bark from behind his door, it didn’t stop him from doing a double take from the dog now residing in his office, running his hand over his face in a confused frustration as to how and why Miller and Carter had already managed to make his Monday morning a pain in his ass. 

“Why the fuck is there a dog in my office?” Javi half shouted, making Carter and Miller sheepishly appear from around the corner with guilty looks on their faces, avoiding eye contact with Javi as he glared through the two of them, wondering how the hell they were going to try and talk themselves out of this one. 

“Hey Peña, uh, I uh… Listen Miller was the one who brought him in, and he was so cute that I wasn’t not gonna do anything about it and-” 

“Oh, way to throw me under the fucking bus, Carter!” Agent Miller huffed, cutting Carter off in attempts to let the blame completely fall on him. “You agreed we should keep him here so that we could-” 

“Okay, that still doesn’t explain why the fuck there’s a dog in my office.” Javi groaned, cutting off Carter and Miller before they found themselves in a pointless arguing match about how and why there was now a dog happily leaning itself against Javi’s leg, his tail shaking back and forth, completely enamored by Javi. 

It was taking everything in Javi not to reach down and pet him to try and prove a point to Carter and Miller that they had astronomically fucked up the rest of his plans for the morning, but the dog was sure as hell adorable and sweet as could be. 

“Okay, well, I was driving into work this morning, and as I was making my way down that back road past the cattle ranch a few blocks down from here, this guy ran out in the road. Thank God I saw him when I did. I stopped, got out, and he came right up to me, but there was obviously no one with him. He looked relieved that he’d found me. Poor guy is dirty and skinny as hell. He hopped right into my car and ate the rest of my McGriddle which I was kinda pissed about, but I can’t blame ‘em.” Miller sighed, now crouching down to give the dog some scratches on the head before continuing on with his story. “So I went to some of the houses on the street and no one had ever seen this dog before. I called Webb County Animal Control to see if anyone had reported  a missing dog that looked like him, but no one had. I asked if I should take him to the shelter to see if anyone would come for him, but the lady on the phone said if no one’s reported him missing, they probably wouldn’t come for them.” 

“Well tell him what else, Miller.” Carter encouraged, trying to aid in Miller’s defense as he rose back up, standing next to his partner. 

“When I called the animal shelter to ask them what to do, the woman I talked to said the shelter is so full, that if we brought him in and no one claimed him within the next two weeks, that they’d…” Miller trailed off, him and Carter both grimacing, unable to finish the rest of his sentence as he looked down at the gleeful, furry face staring back up at him. “Well, let’s just say that things weren’t gonna look so good for him. I couldn’t bring myself to drop him off, and I wasn’t just gonna fucking leave him, so, I uh- I brought him here.” 

Javi let out a deep sigh, burying his hands in his face for a moment before rubbing his temples, understanding why Miller had done what he did, but nonetheless, still frustrated that now he had become wrapped up in solving a missing dog case. 

“So what? Are you gonna keep him?” Javi questioned, finally giving in to bend down and give the dog a few pats on his side, feeling just how skinny and boney he was as his hand met his belly. 

“Oh no, I can’t keep him. Apartment doesn’t allow dogs. I would if I could.” Miller admitted, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, feeling guilty for his lack of helpful response. 

“What about you? You keeping the dog?” Javi asked, looking over at Carter, giving him a little shrug, hoping he was the solution to his temporary canine problem. 

“Um, no. Sorry. I’m allergic. He’s cute as hell but my eyes have been itching ever since he got here.” 

“So what, he’s just gonna live here? C’mon you guys, really?” Javi grumbled, now crouching down next to the dog, getting a better look at his begging eyes and goofy grin under his panting tongue, giving Javi a few licks on the face in excitement as his tail began to wag rapidly from Javi’s closeness. 

Javi couldn’t help but let out a little laugh as the dog lapped against his face, wrapping his hands around the dog’s head and giving it a playful rub to get the dog to stop before staring back at the sweet, sad eyes staring back at him. He scratched under the dog’s chin before it was snuggling up next to him, comfortably plopping himself down over Javi’s feet and letting out a content little grumble as his tail continued to thump against the floor in joy. 

Javi closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. A deep sigh. Not because he didn’t like this dog. Hell, not even because he was really that mad at the two office idiots for bringing the dog here this morning. Javi let out a long, exasperated sigh, because he could feel the willpower he had preached to you about holding out on a dog until the new house- a conversation he had just had with you last night- was absolutely crumbling. 

He couldn’t come home with a dog, right? He had just spent all of last night convincing you that the apartment wouldn’t be a good place for a dog. But… that was for a puppy. This was a full grown dog. A calm one, at that. A fucking cute one at that. God, it had been 5 minutes and this dog was already attached at the hip to him, and it was probably fair to say that Javi had gotten just as attached, if not more. Carter and Miller were right, with the shape the dog was in, it really did look like no one had been taking care of him, or had any plans to come and find him, and Javi couldn’t bear the thought of sending the dog off to the shelter, knowing his inevitable fate. 

Fuck.

“Okay, well, do you know anything else about him? Are you sure that there’s no one looking for him?” Javi grunted as he pushed himself back up to stand, trying to keep his cool as he looked over at Carter and Miller, their eyes still peeled to the ground in hopes the lack of direct eye contact would lessen their chances of a complete reaming from Javi. 

“No, boss. Only other thing we could find about him was the little tag on his collar, which wasn’t helpful at all, because it only had his name.” Carter shrugged, peeking up at Javi, surprised by the even keel of his tone. Javi bent back down, the dog immediately rolling over on his back and exposing his belly for Javi to pet as he reached towards the dog’s neck, gently tugging at the tethered collar under his tangled fur to read the poorly engraved tag attached, letting out an even bigger sigh and shaking his head in disbelief at the name. 

Bear. 

Of fucking course. As if the universe needed to send him another sign. Of fucking course the dog’s name was the same as his nickname for you, Osita- little bear. 

Javi couldn’t help but laugh to himself, running his hand over his face once again. “Shit. You sure no one’s looking for him?” 

Both Carter and Miller shook their heads, crossing their arms over their chests in sad disappointment at Bear, laying sprawled across Javi’s feet. Letting out one last reluctant exhale, Javi looked back at the pair, nervously awaiting his response before he spoke. 

“If… If no one calls looking for him by the end of the day… I’ll take him home with me.” 

Carter and Miller’s faces lit up in shock and delight, staring at Javi, dumbfounded by what they had just heard. “I mean… Fuck, well… that was way easier than I thought it was gonna be.” Miller half grumbled to himself, glancing over at Carter, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“I obviously don’t have any dog shit at home so I’m gonna have to leave early today to get some, so you two idiots are gonna have to finish up the rest of the paperwork I needed to do this afternoon, we clear?” 

“Yeah, yup- Absolutely. Will do.” The two nodded in agreement, still in shock that the worst they had gotten from their boss from dropping a stray dog off in his office was the rest of his paperwork for the day. 

“Fuck me. Alright, c’mon Bear.” Javi sighed, pushing open his office door, Bear, happily trotting along behind him, tail wagging in delight as Carter and Miller stared back at each other, frozen in shock that they, with very little convincing, had gotten their boss to happily take their furry problem into his own hands. 

If the fact that Bear wasn’t cute as can be was enough to win over Javi, he was also the sweetest, most relaxed dog he’d had ever met. Bear was perfectly content to lay down next to Javi’s desk, letting out content grumbles and sighs as he slept and Javi worked, sprawled out across the floor. Bear also seemed to love everyone he met, joyfully making his rounds around the station with Javi after a failed attempt at leaving him behind in his office, immediately caving to Bear’s sad, lonely whines and big brown eyes from behind the glass of his office window. Around 2:00 PM, after Javi had given Bear the better half of his turkey sandwich for lunch, he found himself just as hungry as that poor dog probably was this morning, deciding to cut his day short to get himself some food, and gather whatever else he needed before bringing Bear back to the apartment. 

Javi thanked whatever higher power that the woman working at the pet store this afternoon was not the same woman he had adamantly convinced last night that he was not coming with a dog, because in the back seat of his truck, sat a dog he was now bringing home. The woman working at the store had helped Javi to find everything he needed for Bear and probably then some, Javi more than thankful for her patience and advice, feeling overwhelmed by what to get for a dog that had landed in his care only a few short hours ago.  

After 2 trips up your apartment stairs to drop off the bed, food, treats and toys Javi had gotten, he made one final trip back for Bear, who had glady hopped out of the truck and followed Javi back to your place after a quick pee on the bush in the parking lot, leaving Javi very thankful the dog had found a spot to relieve himself that wasn’t on his shoe. 

“Well, welcome home, I guess.” Javi chuckled as Bear busted through the apartment door, tail wagging at a propeller like speed as he meandered through the space, sniffing and exploring around the kitchen and living room, before wandering back to the bags from the pet store Javi had set on the ground, giving them a little prod with his snout before sitting next to them, looking up at Javi as if to ask if he could have the food and treats that were inside. “Well… I guess a little more food couldn’t hurt, right?” 

There were very few times where Javi was home from work before you, and when he did, he normally told you before he left, or called you at work to let you know- so when you pulled into the parking lot to see Javi’s truck next to your empty parking space, it was safe to say you were a bit perplexed. You quickly unpacked your bags from your car, making your way up to the apartment, trying to rationalize with your confusion and nerves as to why Javi had beaten you home. As you unlocked your door, you gently pushed it open, now even more confused by the muffled grunts and swearing coming from down the hallway. Dropping your things at the entryway, you quickly began working your way through the apartment to figure out what was going on before you almost tripped and fell over a large dog bed now in the middle of your living room. 

“What the hell…” You murmured to yourself, your brow scrunching in bewilderment as you caught your step over the soft, plushy surface, doing a double take to realize that what had almost taken you to the ground was a dog bed. Looking over, you then noticed the several bags from the local pet store, now even more puzzled as your attention shifted back to the end of the hallway, hearing Javi’s voice as well as the sound of running water and frantic splashing. 

“Goddamnit, will you just stay still please? We’re almost done, bud.” 

Almost sprinting to the bathroom, you pushed open the door to find a pile of towels spread across the floor, Javi kneeling over the side of the tub, shirt absolutely soaked as he held the shower handle towards a goofy, wet, golden retriever dancing around in the other end of the tub as he saw you. 

“Uhhhhhh, Javi… Why is there a dog in our bathtub?” You stood stunned in the doorway, your presence startling Javi as he spun around, dropping the shower handle, making it spray over the walls, leading the dog to playfully bark and shake as it hopped over the ledge of the tub to greet you. 

“No, Bear! Come back here! Fuck. I uh- I can explain, I-” Javi stammered, scrambling to grab the flailing shower head before reaching for the dog to try and wrangle him back into the shower, the rest of his thought cut off by Bear taking one more step towards you before bracing himself for a giant shake, absolutely drenching you as you burst into laughter, wiping your now soaking face with the palms of your hands before reaching down to pet the cheerful dog, wagging his wet tail as he leaned up against your leg. 

You couldn’t help but let the smuggest grin spread across your face, now putting the pieces of the puzzle together. “Bear, huh? You come up with that one?” You giggled, crouching down to greet who you now were presuming to be the newest resident of your household, rubbing his hands over his drenched, furry body, squealing as he licked all over your face. “I thought we couldn’t have a dog in the apartment, Jav, and I hate to break it to you, this is definitely a dog… very much in our apartment.” 

Javi let out a snort, rolling his eyes at you as he reached over to shut off the water, resting his back against the edge of the tub, propping his arms up over the sides as he braced himself to try and explain his current situation to you. “Well…” he grinned sheepishly as Bear paced back and forth between the two of you, his tail swaying side to side as he dripped puddles across the bathroom floor, “I got into work this morning and the first thing I saw was a fucking dog that Carter and Miller had dropped in my office after Miller found him on his drive in.” 

“Which I am assuming is this dog?” You laughed, gesturing towards the giddy Golden Retriever jaunting around the bathroom. 

“Yeah, this one. Miller said that he found him on a dirt road. Called animal control and no one had been looking for a dog that looked like him, and that when he called the shelter, they were so full, that if someone didn’t either come to get him or adopt him in the next couple weeks, that, well… they probably would have to… Fuck, Cater is allergic and Miller can’t have dogs at his place, and I- he’s so sweet, and I couldn’t just let him go so-” 

“So you bought out the better part of the pet store so he could live here with us?” You grinned, raising an eyebrow at Javi as Bear happily sat himself down in his lap, making Javi grunt at the weight of the dog plopping himself down across his legs. 

“I mean… I uh… I-” Javi mumbled, sheepishly looking down at Bear before looking back at you, doing your best to contain your laughter and giggles. “What, Hermosa?” Javi phrased it as a question, even though he already knew the answer- You were never going to let him live this down for the rest of his life. 

“And you thought you needed to be worried about me bringing a dog home without asking.  Does this mean we have a new member of the Peña family?” You smirked, making your way over to Javi and Bear, squatting down on the soaking bathroom floor next to them, pressing a playful peck onto Javi’s cheek as you gave Bear a big scratch. 

“If that’s okay with you.” 

“You’re lucky he’s cute, and you’re lucky you’re cute, too. Yes, of course it’s okay with me. Welcome to the family, Bear Peña.” 

The two of you smiled at each other as you sat on the bathroom floor, a damp and soggy Bear spread across your laps with the happiest and goofiest grin spread over his face, too. While coming home to find Javi wrestling a stray dog in your tub wasn’t exactly how you pictured welcoming the newest member of your family into your lives, in some strange way, it couldn’t have felt more perfect. Getting to grow and share your life together with Javi was all you could ever really ask for, even if that meant a Monday night, soaking wet from a dog bath gone wrong. 

“Okay, well, we should probably dry this goofball off and get his stuff all situated. Poor guy is probably exhausted after all of his adventures today, aren’t ya bud? Do you think we should put the dog bed in our room? I don’t want him to get scared during the night, but I’m not really sure if we should have him up on our bed, ya know?” 

As you pushed yourself up to stand, you waited for Javi’s response, only to be greeted by double the amount of big, brown puppy dog eyes now staring back at you as you turned around. Javi still said nothing, a guilty look growing across his and the dog’s, as you let out a deep sigh, wondering how in the world you were going to build up your immunity to another sweet face that made you crumble. 

“You already let him on the bed, didn’t you, Jav?” 

“.... Maybe.” 

“Like I said, the two of you are very lucky you’re cute.” 

Taglist:

@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse

[suddencolds]

a personal milestone 🥳 + author's note

i finally made it 😭 (there is probably another 10k sitting in my drafts, but i have always tracked word count for this project as a sum of already-published installments)

also a (somewhat long) journal entry below:

—

This has been the main project in my life for almost two years, now (I started writing on 1.26.2023). It's my first proper attempt at a novel, and it's one of my first times ever posting original work anywhere 😭

It's hard to say how I feel now, perhaps because I feel too much.

Where to go from here? I considered dropping the series entirely before I hit the milestone because I was very tired. In a way, I felt like I had said everything I wanted to say. But I think I also love this series a lot more than I can properly verbalize.

To be completely honest, writing this series was so lonely. To work for so long on something that I could not show to nearly anyone irl (not family, not close friends, not peers, not strangers I met who I talked to about art); to spend hundreds of hours on something that I could only ever post to a small subset of people... all of that was very lonely. I'm sure other creatives have felt this way too.

And at the same time, hearing what people on snzblr thought became probably the most potent source of happiness in my life (is that pathetic? Maybe so.) I don't think this project was self-sustaining at all; I think to some extent, I wrote it because I wanted to hear people tell me that they liked it. I realize this is a terrible and unsustainable reason to create art, but that's the truth.

On some level, though, I kept writing because I loved Y+V. They've been at the forefront at my life for almost two years now 😭 I spent a long time teaching myself how to write them, and a lot of the themes & choices in the series are quite personal. Embarrassingly, I still want to talk about Y+V all the time.

When I posted to ask if I could send my unfinished/unpolished WIPs, some people reached out to offer to read them... and then I never sent anything over to anyone. I think a part of me could not get it through my head that people would be willing to read something completely unpolished, because... well, frankly, a lot of my drafts are just pretty unreadable; I typically only post things that I have already cleaned up. More importantly, I felt like sending my drafts to people—even people who had given me explicit permission to send them!—was selfish and troublesome.

On some level, I also felt the same about asking others to brainstorm with me: I felt like I was asking them a favor which I did not know how to pay back. Perhaps this is just another way in which I have been cruel/uncharitable to myself, but I never imagined people enjoying receiving my drafts. I could never convince myself that for those people, giving feedback/discussing ideas might not actually be a chore. I was always scared to make writing less of a lonely process because I could only think about how easy it would be for me to ask too much.

This is probably the most honest I've been about this particular subject 😭 I am not good at gauging what constitutes 'too much.' I feel like I can get carried away when someone expresses interest, so I try to preemptively position myself as someone who does not impinge on others... I think that even outside of this series, I have defaulted to this pattern of trying to give and trying not to ask. In that particular sense, I am perhaps to blame for my own loneliness.

Anyways! Recently, I've gone back to (tentatively) writing after months of not writing. I'm not sure if I will post another installment here (maybe if the drafts are 'good enough', I will?), but it's nice to write without worrying so much that what I am writing needs to be publishable/presentable.

If you have ever left tags/comments on my work, and you are reading this, I am grateful beyond words to you for keeping me company + for making me feel like what I was spending so much time on was a little more meaningful :') I always go back to reread them when I'm in need of encouragement. Thank you sincerely for the happiness. ❤️

[s-rosie]

Javery Hcssss

hi guysssss! I hope you like these hcs and enjoyed them as much as i liked making them. I took some of the tips. I got from my last post and used to them to make these. Please comment any more ways I can improve. I’m always trying to get better. Thank you.

when jameson first started dating her, she had never received romantic affection, so she had no idea to react to it and just combusted

jamie leaves the biggest and darkest hickeys on her and she sometimes doesn’t even realize until she hears snickering

at a gala, one time avery pulled jameson into the bathroom and they made out until alisa came looking for them, averys red lipstick stained his face and there was no makeup to cover it up causing alisa to just scream at them for like 20 minutes and he walked around the gala with lipstick stains on his face the rest of the night

avery once told jameson what she always wanted her first dance song to be, and a few hours later he called her to help her find her phone and her ringtone for him was that song (in my mind it is timeless by ts but you decide)

she had so much trouble showing jameson just how much she loved him at first, so she would write him letters telling him her feelings, jameson then incorporated some of the things ave wrote in the letters into his wedding vows (she also included some of things he said in his love confession in tfg in her vows (they both started sobbing and no one else knew why))

avery and jamie make each other scrapbooks about things they do together

jameson goes up randomly to ave and takes a 0.5 of her, that photo then becomes his lock screen for the day

whenever the song call me maybe comes on, jamie SCREAMS that song to ave no matter if they are in public or not

they watch disney movies and go to the parks together all the time

sometimes when it rains, they go to a secluded part of the estate and slow dance

they once got food poisoning together from a 3:00 am taco bell run and they held each other while the other threw up

when they were still in school, jamie did theatre and avery was the assistant director just so she could watch jamie preform. he also had to stage kiss and almost dropped out because he felt like he was cheating on ave. she assured him it was fine

jameson once did avery’s makeup and hair and it looked so good people thought it was professionally done

once ave asked jameson what she should get done to her nails, and he responded with something like “rounded square nude french tips” and she just sat there like “how the hell does he know that”

when jamie gives avery one of his jackets, he always pretends like he’s not cold and ave finds it adorable

jamie was once on avery’s phone and read some of the texts she sent max about him (like her absolutely thirsting for him) and he was so surprised because it was a major flip from her usual self

he always opens car doors and pulls out ave’s seat

like i said in my last hc post about them being theatre kids and dressing up like eliza and ham for halloween, he was posting stuff the whole night like “my life is going fine because elliza is in it” and she was posting stuff like “he better say no to this” while he looked over at another girl in a red dress (everyone thought it was adorable and hilarious)

jameson can sketch and draw pretty well, and ave can paint, so they once made a custom chess board

no matter if they admit it or not, they cannot sleep without each other. like if the other is out working late or sum, the one in bed cannot fall asleep.

jamie loves braiding avery’s hair and he even watches tutorials on how to make complex braids so her looks unique. when people ask who/how she did her hair, she responds with an excited “oh! it was jamie, hes the best!” and he just smiles proudly.

they make up very complicated yet super cute handshakes that they do often

they once made a tiktok of them singing promiscuous and the fans went BALLISTIC

avery once waxed jameson’s eyebrows and gave him acrylic nails for fun (he looked absolutely fabulous)

i really hope you liked theseee! please let me know how i can improve. also my inbox is open if you have any requests or recommendations. thank you so much!

[milesandcorysupermacy]

"I know someone who can"

(Part 3)

1610!Miles x Confused-Black-Fem!Reader

Genre: Friends-to-lovers, Fluff, lil bit of angst

Warnings: Cursing, Use of N-word, Google Translated Spanish, That's it I think lemme know if I missed sum 🤷🏾‍♀️

Songs that it's based on: 'Ivy' By Frank Ocean, 'I Wanna Be Yours' By Arctic Monkeys, 'Love Songs' By Kaash Paige

Summary: Jaleel is trippin', Miles is mad, and you gotta fill your bestie in. That's pretty much it!

Prev: "Mami, who's calling you?"

Miles asked with slightly swollen lips. You grabbed your purse and reached inside for your phone, an slightly audible gasp came from your mouth when you saw the Caller ID.

"It's Jaleel."

---------------x-o-x-o---------------------------

Miles seems slightly taken aback by what you just said. His mind had many questions, the main one being why was Jaleel calling you? But, he put all these questions on hold once he saw your face. You were clearly in distress, pacing around the room as the phone made a constant buzz, waiting for someone to interact with the call. He couldn't just let you feel this way, you clearly didn't wanna answer the phone. But, someone had to, right? This obviously wasn't just because Miles wanted to flex being there for you when Jaleel couldn't, no that was not the case at all...

"Gimme the phone, mama."

Miles' calming tone broke you out of your infectious thoughts. You looked over at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes, knowing he was serious. You walked over to your phone hesitantly before grabbing the phone and throwing it to Miles, he caught it with one hand, not even looking due to his spidey-senses. Show off... He was staring you in the eyes the whole time, looking for any sign of discomfort in your eyes. When he saw none, he took the cue to answer the phone, but not before putting Jaleel on speaker.

"Hello?"

"H-hey, why are you on her phone? Where's Y/n at?"

"You don't gotta worry about that no more, lil bro. You fucked up your whole relationship with her, remember?"

"Nigga, that's none of your busine-"

"Nah, it is my business because she's my business. You were acting like an ass and she left you, you never deserved her anyway."

"Hol on, she never left me. What the fuck are you talking about, bro?"

"Well if she didn't, she's leaving you now. Lose her number, bye."

"Let me talk to he-"

*Click*

Miles jumped off his bed and walked over to you, hugging you from behind.

"There you go, now you'll never have to worry about him talking to you again."

You nod, and he kisses your temple.

"Lemme know if he tries to contact you again, I'll venom strike his phone."

This makes you chuckle, which causes Miles to smile. You two just stayed in the warm hug, not wanting to question the relationship yet. You know that you just kissed him, but you still don't know if you and Miles are dating! You felt it was best to just not address it right now since the moment that the two of you were having was so nice. That was until you got a text, the familiar buzz of your phone made you subconsciously reach for it, checking the notification seeing it was your mom.

________________________________________

Mother Dearest 😒💞

It's almost your curfew, did you leave from that lil boy house yet?

9:21 pm

Omw rn. I left his btw, I'm at Miles'.

9:22 pm

Good, I never liked him and his nappy dreads anyway 😒

9:23 pm

😭😭 MOM

9:24 pm. Read.

________________________________________

You clicked your phone off and placed it back into your purse, releasing yourself from the behind hug. You put your purse on and turned to face Miles.

"I gotta go, you wanna walk me home?"

"No, I wanna drive you home. We're in a New York winter right now, I'm not walking around outside when I have a choice not to!"

Miles said, animated. He looked at you like you were crazy and you shook your head, laughing.

"My bad."

You walked over to his doorway and put your shoes on, you began to open Miles' bedroom door but not without him gently removing your hand and placing it on your side. You looked over at him confused, until he opened the door and ushered you out, saying...

"Ladies first."

He smiled at you flirtatiously, before grabbing two jackets hanging on the coat rack. One was a black, north face puffer jacket, and the other was a gray, nike puffer jacket. You furrowed your eyebrows with confusion.

"I didn't bring a jacket."

"I know, but you need one."

He said before handing you the gray, nike puffer jacket. You smiled graciously from the affection that Miles was giving you.

"Thank you."

"Of course, mi preciosa."

(My precious)

You and Miles put on your jackets and he brought his hand down to yours, intertwining your fingers. You felt like a million butterflies were fluttering around in your stomach just from this small gesture. Why does he have this affect on me...? You thought. The jacket smelled just like the cologne Miles always wears. This made you smile a little bit, you felt safe in his essence. Miles led you over to the living room where his parents were sitting.

"Dad, can you give us a ride to Y/n's house?"

Miles asked. His parents turned around on the sofa and took notice of your guys' hands. Rio excitedly shook her husband's shoulders like a girl in middle school, telling her friends a secret. Jeff returned the excitement by turning to his wife, smiling extremely hard. Miles grimaced at his parent's immature actions.

"Guys, please don't make it weird! We just need a ride, please."

Miles said, sighing. Jeff got up excitedly, grabbing his coat.

"Yea, c'mon lovebirds. Let's go."

"Please don't call us that."

Miles said before shutting his front door, making you smile.

"I dunno, I think it has a nice ring to it."

You joked, making Miles groan. You 3 walked down the stairs of Miles' apartment complex. Once the two of you get into the car, Miles offers you an airpod. You excitedly accepted and relaxed to the calm, melodic tones of the song 'Ivy' By Frank Ocean. You two listened to about 5 more songs and you were finally at your house. You handed Miles his airpod and he told you to wait there as he got out of the car, at first you didn't know what he was doing but he came to your side and opened your car door.

"Bye, Mr. Morales!"

"Bye, hun. Don't forget to tell your Mom I said hi!"

Miles grabbed your hand and walked you to the doorstep of your house. You began to take off the jacket he provided until he stopped you with his voice.

"Keep it."

"You sure?"

"Of course I am, mami."

You chuckled a little bit.

"Hey, what's so funny?"

Miles said, playfully shoving you.

"I'm not laughing at you, dumbass. I'm just really happy that you care about me so much, I don't really get this type of treatment from guys a lot. Thanks."

You say, looking up into his eyes. He looked back into yours, noticing the light glare in them from the moonlight behind him. He thought he was gonna pass out from how beautiful your brown skin looked in the moonlight. It provided the most elegant contrasting of colors and light, only something a true artist like himself would notice. He also saw the way your lips were still slightly swollen from the previous makeout session, they also had a moisture to them. He didn't even notice that he was staring for so long until his dad ruined it.

*Beep*

"Will you two stop staring at each other and ring the doorbell? I'm freezing out here."

You two laughed at his dad's tone, Miles let go of your hand to ring your mom's doorbell. He had a sad puppy dog look on his face, already feeling like he was separated from you. He truly didn't want to leave, but he knew he had to once the door swung open to reveal your mom in her bonnet and pajamas.

"Oh, hey Miles. How's school going? You still doing your little art thing?"

Your mother said, trying to engage in small talk with the teenage boy in front of her. Miles smiled before answering enthusiastically.

"School's been alright, I keep my grades up so I can't complain. My art is still going good, I'm still in my AP classes."

"Oh, well that's good. I didn't know Y/n was gonna go to your house, I'm glad she prefers you over that other ugly lil boy. You two would look way better as a couple anyway, I can set you up if you want."

Your mother said as she winked at Miles.

"I'm literally right here."

Your mother chuckled and Miles grabbed your hand, kissing it before saying...

"Goodnight, Y/n."

He then walked away and got into his father's car. He left your mother squealing and giggling like a schoolgirl as you walked in the house. You playfully rolled your eyes, smirking.

"It's not that big of a deal, ma."

"Uh huh, sure. That boy wants to get with you! He's arguably better than Jaleel anyway."

"I agree with that, I broke up with him."

"Oh, so you finally listened to your mother, huh? It's about time. Y/n Morales has a better ring to it than Y/n Barker, Jaleel got a ugly last name."

You chuckled at your Mom's boldness.

"So, I know that's not the jacket you left my house with, is it Miles'?"

"Yes."

Your mom instantly grinned, before walking over to your fridge. Taking out a bottle of water for herself.

"Have fun with your new man."

She said teasingly. You playfully shook your head and began to walk down the hallway to your bedroom, still smiling from the previous events with Miles.

"Mr. Morales said hi, by the way."

You shouted from down the hall. You felt ready to end the day with it being 10 pm. You placed your Miles' jacket onto your coat hook on your bedroom door before closing it.

You walked over to your pajama drawer, pulling out an oversized white tee and some turquoise Perry the Platypus sleep shorts. You put them on and put the clothes you were previously wearing in the hamper. You plopped onto your bed and grapped your phone from your purse that was sitting on your nightstand. You saw a text notification from your best friend, K'Nyah. (Kuh-Ni-Yuh)

--------------------------------------------------

Ny Ny 😝💞

Heyyy, baeeee 🤑

10:01 pm

Heyyyy!

10:02 pm

Im bored, u wanna ft?

10:03 pm

Yeaaaa, I got sum stuff to tell u anyway

10:04 pm. Read.

________________________________________

You open your FaceTime app and click K'Nyah's contact. You open your airpod case and they automatically connect. You place one into your right ear and within 2 rings, K'Nyah answers.

"Hey, girl."

"Hey, so what u gotta tell me? It better be good, there's been a drama drought in 2024."

"You're literally a whole ass mess."

You chuckle.

"Yep, sure am. Now tell me what happened."

"So basically I had got into this little argument with Jaleel."

"Good, never liked his ass anyway. Go on."

"After we argued I was walking home and Miles saw me walking, he took me to his house and was tryna comfort me and then..."

"Then what?"

"We kinda kissed."

"WHAT?!"

"Yea, and it was really great. I feel like he cares about me like nobody else does and he gave me his coat since I didn't have one."

"You're fucking lying, show me right now."

You panned the camera over to your bedroom door with the gray jacket on the hook. You heard K'Nyah gasp.

"Yes, Finally! Bro when I'm telling you the whole ass friend group was waiting for yall to get together...I mean that. Like everybody talks about yall."

"Well that's the problem, I don't exactly know if we're together or not. I mean we kissed and it was like a whole makeout, girl. Plus he was hugging me and shit, and he kissed me goodnight in front of my mom!"

"So, where is this supposed to tell me that yall AREN'T dating?"

"I dunno, we never really established it. He answered a phone call from Jaleel and told him that I was his business but I just don’t know. That could mean anything."

"And you talking about me being a mess..."

"K'Nyah!"

"Ok, ok. My bad. But, you gotta talk to him tomorrow at school. When you do, fill me in after. I literally can't wait to give Jaleel the silent treatment tomorrow because you already know he gon' be asking me why you not talking to him."

She chuckled.

"You're so messy."

You laughed.

"Alright, well ima go to bed. See you tomorrow."

"See you."

*Click*

You sighed, putting your airpod back into it's case and placing your phone onto the charger. You put your bonnet on and grabbed your remote, turning on SpongeBob. You let the cartoon be a quiet lullaby as you laid down, dozing off into sleep. While you were laying down, one question plagued your mind...Are you and Miles dating?

-----------☆--------☆--------☆----------------

Taglist:

@im-miss-simp

@we-loveebony

[justgrey]

wsg gng

sorry i got hit by a bus, put in hospital, gave birth to 7 dwarves in the span of 2 days, and opened a strip club but we ballin' you guys

have this johnny cage smut prac as a reward for something idk. first time i ever done this and i'm working on an arthur morgan one but idk if i'll post that. lemme know if someone does. also before anyone gets mad at any of the language being used to refer to genitals or sum, i am transgender. say whatever you want actually i'm going to bed. running a criminal empire is hard.

Kaboom ((18+))

Johnny Cage x trans male reader

1047 words

warnings : smut (minors dni) daddy kink. Breeding kink (pregnancy maybe) Probably swearing and other non-serious kinks. be warned. Make 0 sense cause i barely proofread it. Language used to refer to readers genitals include -> clit, pussy etc. so it's pre-bottom surgery. Don't read if uncomfortable.

Johnny gently rubs your clit for a little while, moving to bite your bottom lip and whispering the sweetest and dirtiest words you’ve ever heard him utter.

“It’s okay to be a little noisy, alright? It’s okay… you’re okay with daddy. You know that, right? Yeah, I know you do.” Johnny smiles and repositions himself so that he’s lying on top of your back.

He then probes around your pussy for some time before sliding a single, thick finger in. Your warm, velvety cunt wraps around it, and he can’t help but chuckle. You took him so damn well. No wonder he was obsessed with you.

“You’re such a good boy. A greedy boy too! Look at how much your tight pussy wants me, honey. So good… so good… Such a nice boy… taking that finger so well.” Johnny praises before adding another finger. It feels so much better, and you let out a loud whine so that he knows that you’re satisfied with his performance so far.

Johnny doesn’t stop there though, adding yet another finger into your sopping wet hole.

“Aaaaannnddd… that makes three… what an amazing little boy you are. So good, so amazing. You think you’re almost ready for daddy or do you need some more time, pretty boy? Completely up to you… I’ll take it as slow as you want, baby.” He coos and kissing the back of your neck, moving all three fingers inside of you and holding you as you move around.

Your entire body felt like it was on fire… but in the best possible way. It was hot and steamy and passionate, but it was Johnny. How could you ever resist Johnny Cage? Your thoughts were filled with the man, your daddy. Only your daddy. And the knot you feel deep inside you begins to tighten, just over Johnnys fingers.

You are taken completely over the edge though as he pulls his meaty fingers out and then pushes them back in at what you swore was inhuman speed. The knot snaps for the first time in forever and you squirt all over the sheets, crying and whimpering like a puppy. Johnny just adored all of it.

“What an amazing little boy. Good… good job… you haven’t had an orgasm like that in a while, huh? You think you can have another one, just for daddy? I promise that I’ll go easy on my beautiful boy…” He whispers, his rough voice barely making it through to you while you’re in a post orgasmic haze. But you make out enough to barely nod your head.

“Sorry baby, daddy’s gonna need a lot more than a nod.” He holds your face in his hands and places you onto his lap where you can feel the large bulge in his pants that is now pressing right up against your soft pussy now. The only thing you’re thinking of now is what it would be like to have that behemoth massage your insides, the veins running along your walls and making you shake like a delicate leaf.

You whisper some words of consent, and he wraps one arm around you and starts to gently play with your nipples. “Good boy, I knew you wanted something like this… I knew it… Such an amazing little toy for daddy. So well behaved, so obedient. You wouldn’t dare disobey me, huh?” He chuckles and kisses your cheek from behind.

Then, he settles the other one of his arms on your stomach, his hand deviously moving to touch your fleshy nub as he skilfully slips his pants and underwear off while you’re still in his lap. The tip of his cock is pressing against your silky flesh now, begging to slide inside of you.

“Let daddy hear how much you want his cock, baby.” He whispers and listens to the following sounds you make. Moans, whines, groans, and whimpers. He eats it all up with pleasure before the tip slowly enters you, dragging against your walls and making you even louder. Before it hits your g-spot though, he pulls out.

This warrants disappointment from you until he rams back inside and begins to fuck you in a steady yet agonising pace. Not fast enough to make you cum, not slow enough to have no affect on you. His mouth nips your earlobe, and he whispers, “C’mon, good boy… I know you want me to make you cum… I know you do, little one. Daddy’s got you… he just needs a little something from you first, alright? He needs you to fucking beg for it. Beg for my fucking cock, pretty boy.”

Broken moans and whines enter his ears from your open mouth. Johnny listens to you beg for him for what feels like an eternity before he gradually speeds up the pace he’s been fucking you. It’s almost as if he’s punishing you which only makes you cry.

He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy it.

“Am I making you dumb on my dick, honey? Really? I bet you like being fucked silly on my cock. You love it. I know you do. Daddy knows- daddy knows fucking everything about you. That’s why he’s so good at fucking you stupid- fucking- fuck… your pussy is so soft… so tight. Best pussy I’ve ever fucking felt! So soft… B- fucking bounce on it! Bounce on my fucking cock now, baby… come on, come on, come on!” Johnny fucks you hard and fast now, spearing you on his dick.

He's so close to coming himself now. He turns your face around to your side so that he can get a little look at your features, staring at how your eyes are rolled back and your mouth is open in pure dirty delight. Fuck, you were so beautiful…

Johnny then feels your walls clench around him, causing him to shout something before he spurts cum inside of you, making sure it lands inside your womb.

“Such a good boy… pretty boy… shhh… yeah… holy fucking shit… you’re- you’re gonna be an amazing father to our kids, hun.” He chuckles, slightly out of breath as he lowers you onto the bed, still intertwined with him through his cock.

It doesn’t look like he’s going to pull out anytime soon.

now that this mess is over, ty. stay safe when crossing roads. look both ways. don't get hit like i did. xoxo bye boo boo see you next year <3

[coffeewithcocoa]

Periods.

Alastor x TransMale Reader

Sum: Reader gets there monthly thing but this time it causes more pain than you thought.

Alastor knew what the term ‘trans’ meant. He may not know it that well but he’s learning about it everyday because you, his lover, is a Transgender Male. He found out what it meant when you joined the hotel.

He didn’t have much interest in what it was but when he started talking to you and getting to know you he tried his best to understand what went on in your head. He soon got enlightened about what the term non-binary, trans female and trans male.

~

A funny story was he came down the stairs and went to the bar, asking Husker for a drink. You were sitting in the couch reading a book. Angel was there because he had to be when Alastor got an idea for a question. Husk gave him his drink, taking a sip of it as soon as he received it.

“Angel?” He asked as he placed his glass down on the counter. “Tell me, are you..transgender female?” His gaze turning to Angel. Husk quickly spat his drink out and turned around quickly. You dropped your book on the floor and stood up. Vaggie was halfway down the stairs and just started dying in laughter.

“What..?” Angels eyes widened as he blinked at Alastor a few times. “I was just asking if-.” Alastor started before looking around the hotel lobby. “What?” He stated, obviously confused in what he did wrong. “First of all no..second of all, why?” Angels face turned to a weird one but then smirked when wondering why he asked that.

“Well, I was wondering why because you wear such feminine clothes and act so..” He waved his hand around trying to think of a word. “Never mind that, I’m just curious!” He smiled brightly, grabbing the drink again taking another sip from it.

That day Angel told him some pretty traumatizing stuff but he told the truth about what it meant. Giving Alastor a lecture on what to ask and what not to ask if someone is, in fact, trans. He was still confused but felt more confident about the answers he had gotten.

~

When you guys started dating though he would ask left and right about stuff, which you were happy to ask. Telling him things like how the body you were in was not correct, how it didn’t feel right.

It came time for your period..which oh my Lucifer you hate more than anything. You would rather rip out your organs than having to deal with this pain. Waking up from the middle of the night, tired, or course and heading over to the bathroom was not in your to-do list.

Alastor stirred awake because he isn’t a light sleeper, sitting up and waiting for your return. When you came back you looked sad and anxious. Crawling back into bed, trying to go to sleep. “Is everything alright Cher?” He calmly asked. His radio voice soothing you. “Yeah..just tired.” You tried sounding tired and happy. He hummed and kissed your forehead, lying down and turning the opposite way from you.

It became morning sooner than you thought. ‘Damn I feel like shit..’ you thought as you stared at the ceiling. “Good morning dear!” You heard Alastor say as he walked into your guys shared room. “Morning.” You gave him the best smile you could do.

He could obviously tell it was fake but shrugged it off. “Are you feeling alright?” His smile faltered but he still held it high. “Yeah I’m fine!” Your voice was turning a bit aggressive. You were getting quite fed up with him asking you if you were alright.

He was surprised by your sudden outburst but didn’t think much of it. You felt as he got up from your guys shared bed and went into the bathroom. You felt yourself fall asleep when you heard the room door open. You rolled your eyes and just wanted to have the feeling gone.

Alastor walked down the hallway with confidence in what his lover was feeling, though he needed help. ‘Something is clearly making them uncomfortable and upset, what is it?’ He saw Charlie near Angels door, probably asking if he was okay. “Charlie.” He popped up behind her making her jump.

“AH- HOLY SHIT!” She fell on the floor with a thud when she realized it was just Alastor. “Sorry for my sudden appearance but I have a question.” He held out for her to take. “Oh yeah sure, what is it Alastor!” She took his hand and straightened herself up.

“Well my dear. If someone certain was in pain but won’t say what kind it is and refuses to tell what it is, what do you think they’re going through?” He went on a little ramble then blinked at her when he was finished. She blinked a few times before clearing her throat.

“This is a question about [insert name], isn’t it?” She smiled at him. Alastors eyes widened and waved his hand as if it wasn’t you that was causing him to ask. “Ho ho..yes.” His eyes went half lidded as if he was annoyed. Which he was but that was just because Charlie was right.

“Alright well what’s going on with him?” She rose her brow waiting to hear what was wrong with you. “Thats exactly it Charlotte. He seems more..angry? If that’s how you’d like to put it.” Alastor looks off to the side, thinking if that was even the right way to explain it.

“Angry..” Charlie mumbled out, placing a finger in her chin to think about what could possibly make a sinner upset, angry, furious?

———————————————————————

THIS IS EXTREMELY LATE😭 I was originally going to post it A MONTH AGO but when I realized it wasn’t finished I had to finish it. Anyways I wanted to get something out it the public so why not make something that every trans male hates the most? THERES PROBABLY GOING TO BE A PART 2!

ANYWAYS LOVE YOU AND THABK YOU FOR ALL THE LIKES ON THE ANGEL POST❤️

[mxflowercheck]

Adira&Tilly thing that was in my head for some time

Not beta read like AT ALL

- Hey there?

Tilly leans other a console to look at Adira. They’re curled up almost under it, hugging their knees and staring into nothing.

- Lieutenant Stamets and Doctor Culber won’t be pleased with you staying up late, you know, right? Maybe move to..somewhere they don’t work.

- You’re also staying up late - Adira mumbles, not looking up, but also not tensing or outright sassing Tilly off. That’s a good sign.

- I am, technically, not a crew member anymore. Just visiting while you’re docking. - she keeps her tone light, but allows longing to slip into it. Adira hates being belittled. - So they can scold me, sure, but…i have an escape route.

There’s a huff and then silence. Light, familiar rumble of ships systems. Tilly waits a minute, shifts uncomfortably and tries again.

- Wanna talk about it?

Adira silent for another minute, swaying back and forth a bit.

- Yes. Yes I do. - they look up, and here it is - the firm, determined stare, Adira’s signature. Tilly gives them a slightly awkward smile and sits near them, cross-legged.

- So? Venting? Gossiping? Both? One and then the other to get distracted? I can bring ice cream.

Adira giggles, still looking at the floor. Tilly can see now that their cheeks are still wet from tears. She doesn’t ask even though she wants to bury anyone who made their…well, sibling, feel like this.

- None, i guess? I…It’s about Trill. The symbiont. Gray. - they smile fondly at their boyfriend’s name. - It’s…hard.

- Yeah, i can imagine. I had a parasite in me once - not that Trill is a parasite, but you get the idea, something existing in you. Creepy as hell.

- You did? - their eyebrows shot up and they finally looked at Tilly. - W- How did *that* happen?

- Oh, long story. It’s how we got Hugh back! I tell you later. For now it’s about you - she pokes them with an elbow lightly, - not about me.

- Wow. Okay. - Adira giggles nervously, rubbing their neck. - Can i..can i ask? How did you understand you want to be a teacher?

- Pretty sure you were there. Remember? The arguing cadets, near-death experience?

- Yep, i do. - they scoffed. - I mean..after it? Like, you wanted to be a captain for years! How did you..

- Make that incredible leap? - Tilly smiles and sighs. - Will you throw a screwdriver at me if i give an inspirational speech?

- This time - no. But! - their raise a finger. - only this time.

- Okay, okay. - she laughs and leans back on the console. - I..I mean, when i think about it, I never wanted to be Captain. Shit, when Saru left me in charge..I thought I’d throw up even hours later. It was..awful. But being in charge of this group of cadets wasn’t. And i..at some point it hit me - my mom..my mom is not here. She won’t see me as a Captain. And suddenly it felt pointless. I..I didn’t want to be Captain, i wanted to prove I can. I wanted to be like famous Captains. But now…i have no one to prove this to. And i’m already brave and smart and loyal and- I can be that without being Captain. Maybe I don’t need to try to fit into these shoes, maybe I need shoes that allow me to be myself! To be Tilly. Because i want to be a lot of things I’m not. And maybe will never be. But i can be me.

Adira looks at her in silence, something mixed in their eyes. Sadness. Anger. Confusion.

- Firstly, it was actually very sad. Secondly, - they sigh, hiding their faces in their hands, - I don’t know who i am. What’s me and what’s Tal and what’s Gray’s memories. Where’s Adira. And who should i be? Like..you, you have a goal! You want to be a pretty good person. I want to.. - they stumble upon their own words, their hands shake a bit. - I don’t know.

Tilly moves closer to them, presses their shoulders together, wraps an arm around Adira, pulling them closer. Hugs always help, don’t they?

- You know what, I give up on speeches. How do you feel about a bit of music?

- Um. Fine, i guess? Why?

- There’s a song. - Tilly taps her badge, summoning the holo-PADD. - Really old. Like, it was old even in our time. But i love it, and it kinda has the message I’m trying to get to you.

She doesn’t scroll for a long time - the songs is almost on top of “recently listened”. Tilly opens the text and presses play.

I wish I was big, as big as my house

I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd

But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch

God, I could really use him now

I wish I was God, I'd never trip up

And if I did, well, so fuckin' what?

I could be cruel and break all your stuff

Yeah, I'd be loved no matter what

But if I was God, it'd get kinda weird

'Cause you would only say what I wanna hear

And then you would die, you'd love me to death

I'd never know who the hell I am

I wish I was me, whoever that is

I could just be and not give a shit

Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan

'Cause I don't know who the hell I am

Adira listens attentively and soons gets what Tilly wanted to say. For reason it feels…gut-wrenching. It feels right. It feels like their scream, their words. They don’t notice tears running down their face. They cry shamelessly, but smile broadly, and Tilly pulls them into a tight hug, her curls everywhere, blocking the world around.

- The point is…does it matter, who you are? It’s you, Adira. And you have Paul, and Hugh, and me, and Gray.

- I can just be and not give a shit - they laugh through tears, hugging her back.

- Exactly.

[shadowscommand]

Following your posts in your opinion who (in all the cast you're free to pick) "understands" nikto? To what level? I assume different people understand him differently, depending on their history/empathy/ability to read the room etc

my immediate thought is nobody . nikto would keep so much private about himself esp his past. youd hear bits and pieces every so often but hes fuckin.. been through a lot. and hes a very Closed book. he is resilient to being understood. but i still have a lot to say abt the people i feel most likely to get him so ill put the rest of this under a read more

ghost is for sure the person who has the most similar experience to Nikto but i think if they interacted it would turn so fucking sour bc they just wouldn't get along. ghost could be compelled to at least speak with him bc he'd know of their similar situations but it just.. would not. go well at all imo. if mace and ghost were amidst repairing their relationship mace could maybe Get him bc he could see the similarities between Nikto and Ghost but then he'd be predisposed to being wary of Nikto Because of Ghost. so he'd be classic mace Cordial but distant.

bale would probably have the most insider knowledge on what happened to nikto and even a bit of who he was Before being nikto (just from being told by kamarov, getting to peak at files also). he like. obviously could not fully comprehend the horror Nikto has gone through but he would be very empathetic. they do have similar situations (severe injuries they have had to overcome to get back to work & work is where they feel the most comfortable). minotaur also can relate to his mental struggles, especially any sort of guilt he feels from things hes done while working for zakhaev (relating it to how he felt for getting bale "killed") and also struggling with alcoholism. the bale twins however are both in pretty good places rn they have their brother back. and nikto is very much into not healing and thats where they disconnect. theyd really really like to see nikto get better but they know its 1 an extremely slow process 2 something he has to actually strive for himself.

which makes rodion actually the least able to relate to nikto so all of his understanding is just. like. from his intelligence and his strong ability to empathize. hes also just naive and thinks he alone can shoulder a lot of nikto's mental struggles and help him improve. on his own. while nikto resists it. and there would be conflict there also like minotaur really, really would not enjoy seeing rodion in turmoil over nikto. and bale would be trying to give rodion advice that basically sums up to "drop it" so. they Get why nikto is the way he is but not why hes so set on staying like that. but rodion Is actually a big help for nikto. as patient as he is hes also not enjoying every time he gets screwed over so nikto is forced to improve in ways. bc he likes him.

ummm and krueger like................ krueger feeds off the negative aspects of nikto. he doesnt really like care to understand nikto apart from knowing what makes him feel certain ways (negative And positive feelings. he cant be pissing him off all the time.) he'd definitely be the most in tune with managing nikto's emotions and how hes feeling on a certain day but he also doesn't care about. everything building nikto up to be nikto. apart from just being nosy and liking to know things that nikto is trying to keep hidden. bc its fnuuy.

BUT at the end of the day nobody in the world has a 100% completely firm grasp on nikto and he just likes it that way. he likes to be able to worm his way out of relationships and how people think of him. i dont even think thats a New Nikto thing i think hes just been like that forever. bc hes combative. he has SO MUCH going on.

[lynnuvo]

My Best Friend, Homura

Characters: Homura Akemi x Female (Y/N)

Your backstory was summed up in a rather simple way: your life was normal until it wasn't.

Your childhood was filled with happy memories of your family, which consisted of you, your mother and father, and a little sister. Every two weeks, your parents would go on a date and come home on the brink of making love (thank goodness they didn't do so in front of you kids). Many mornings, you'd wake up to the sight of them chatting in the kitchen and hugging each other from behind. When they interacted with their children, they'd kiss you and your sister on the foreheads and laughs would echo throughout the room as the family laughed while playing together. Your parents were in love with each other, and they loved their children.

So it didn't make sense to learn that your father cheated on your mother. Your parents hid the details well from you and your sister, but they couldn’t hide everything. Your sister knew less than you did because you refused to let her know exactly what was going on just yet. As you grew older, you realized that while your father had everything a person could ask for--a happy family, a well-paying job, and a great group of friends--your father slept with another woman under the influence of alcohol while at a friend's birthday party. He confessed to your mother out of guilt, and she filed for divorce in response.

You took the divorce pretty hard. You cried for nights into your pillow. It ripped your heart to no longer see your parents in the same space unless it was something to do with you kids. Once your sister realized what happened, her demeanor grew sadder. You couldn't bear the sight, so you did your best to be the best older sister. And it paid off. A few months after the living situation changed, you got used to things and added friendships to your list of things to pay attention to. While most of your friendships were healthy, you were forced to severe a few due to how toxic they got. Your struggles led to you being afraid of change.

In Mitakihara Middle School, you became friends with Homura Akemi. Although shy, she appeared more welcoming than the others who sat near you. She didn’t have many friendships, but so much of her free time in company was spent with you. Although you had since moved to a different class, she was your best friend, and you were was hers.

It felt like that begun to change, though, when Homura made friends with Madoka Kaname and Mami Tomoe. The bond between the three seemed to grow in a flash. You didn’t understand where that came from. You two used to always eat lunch together, but more & more often, Homura would excuse herself to eat with the others. You waved it off, acting as if you didn’t mind it. But you were jealous. Why did something—now some people—have to take someone else away from you?

One thing that didn’t change as often as the lunch-ditching was you two walking partway home together after school. It was during one of these instances that Homura made small noises as she was trying to figure out how to piece her thoughts together (it was just that easy to read her).

At last, she cleared her throat and asked, “(Y/N)-chan, if you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?”

“A wish?” Your eyes lifted to the sky. “Hmm. Probably for a lot of money.”

“Even if you could have superpowers or change the past or anything like that?”

“Oh. We can do that. Well, then I guess my wish would be to stop the future from changing too much.”

“Why is that?”

“I just…I guess I feel more comfortable knowing that the happiness I have would stay that way. I don’t like sudden changes. It would be nice to have some things change in my past, but I don’t know if I would use my wish to change those. I think I would rather focus on the future.”

You knew deep in your heart, you wished you could change things no matter the time.

--

"FIRE FIRE!"

"STAY BACK, GIRL!"

"NO! My sister is in there! Mom! Dad!" you screamed as you wrestled your way out of the neighbor's arms. You ran towards your burning house only to be blocked by the strong arms of a firefighter.

The rest of the evening was a blur. Sometime during the aftermath, you were transported to live at your aunt's house. That night, you tried to remember what you could. Your sister messaged you that your father had arrived to discuss changes in custody plans; the family was going to wait until you came home from after-school tutoring to talk about it. You recalled walking down the street your house on fire. Black smoke filled the air, and a crowd of people came to watch the firefighters tackle it. Your aunt picked you up from the police station and took you home. She tried to comfort you, but all you did was cry in her arms and laid in bed, where you are now. Your lungs had grown tired of heaving. Your eyes burned.

Knock Knock!

Your breath hitched. That didn’t sound like the door. You could turn around and check, but why would anyone be knocking on it at all, especially at 3 in the morning? Perhaps it was the house’s old interior sounding its age.

Knock Knock

Yeah, that definitely wasn’t it.

You got up and turned towards the window. Blue curtains covered it. Your mind screamed at you to run out the room and tell your aunt, but your gut urged you forward. It was unfortunate you were not in the right headspace to make reasonable decisions. You pulled back one of the curtains, albeit slowly, and recoiled with a shriek upon seeing a white creature that looked like a celestial variant of a cat.

The creature disappeared behind the falling curtain. "Don't worry. I know I'm scary, but I'm here to help you."

It can talk? Is this actually happening? You took a deep breath in. "Help me? Why? How?"

"Your family died in a fire, right?"

"They died?!" You yanked the curtain back and held it open. "How do you know that?! No one told me they were dead!"

The creature stared at you with beady, black eyes, white tail wagging. "I don't know. I was just guessing. It's hard to miss a huge crowd and a big fire."

Your brows furrowed. "You can't just say that and not be sure it's true!"

"I'm sorry. But if it were true, I can help you. Even right now, if your family is paralyzed, I can help you."

"You can...? No, more importantly, what are you?"

"It might be easier to explain it to you inside. It's a lot to digest in one night, especially with how distraught you've been."

The most logical and safest decision would be to shut your curtains and call it a night, but your curiosity crept into you at the worst time. This was the first time you'd ever seen a talking creature so unique, and it might be your last. Its presence brought about numerous questions.

Once you let it in, it sat on your bed in front of you and explained that it sensed your despair upon noticing you at the scene of the disaster and followed you to your aunt's house. Kyubey, the name the creature shared, told you that while he did not know the state your family was in, he could grant any wish you desired, including saving your family. It had already granted wishes to a couple girls in Mitakihara City, and it didn't mind adding another one. These girls, known as Magical Girls, would fight witches in exchange for their desire. It was tough work, Kyubey explained, but a cost to pay for the endless possibilities available.

You didn't believe Kyubey at first, so it allowed you several days to think about it. A week had passed, and you weren't ready to make a wish. But you were pretty close. Your aunt shared the news that all of your family members made it, but all but your parents were in emergency care and suffered serious burns. They weren't sure yet if they would ever be able to work or function as efficiently as before. Your younger sister was in better condition, but she was clearly traumatized. When you visited her room with your aunt, she cried the whole visit and didn't want to let you go; you had to pry her off with the reassurance you'd come back soon.

Although unprepared, you needed to go to school. Imagine your surprise when, while walking to class, you spotted Homura talking to her new group of friends. On the shoulder of the pink-haired girl was Kyubey. The creature must have said something because the whole group--Homura, Madoka, and Mami--looked at Kyubey and giggled without a word shared among them. How was that even possible? Was there a joke you were missing? Was Homura part of them?

Just then, Kyubey spotted you and hopped down, but you were quick to turn around and walk away. No one else would suspect a thing, seeing as no other student questioned the strange creature trotting freely in a circle.

"(Y/N)-chan!"

You inhaled sharply. Your head was too full of thoughts to want to think anymore, nonetheless speak. But alas, your heart warmed at the voice who called your name. You donned a smile and turned around, acting surprised. "Homura-chan? Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't notice you. I haven't been well, lately."

Homura's grabbed your hand and massaged it with her fingers. "I heard about what happened. Will you be okay? You should take more days off from school."

"I'll be fine; don't worry about me."

You noticed the group of people behind her approaching. Your heart fell into your stomach, but you couldn't bring yourself to pull away so quickly.

The tall, yellow-haired girl greeted with a warm smile, "Hello, nice to meet you. You must be Homura-chan's friend? I'm Mami Tomoe."

"And I'm Madoka!" the girl exclaimed, taking your other hand. Kyubey's black eyes stared at you. "I've seen you around before, a different class. Do you want to join us for lunch later?"

"I-uh, it's nice to meet you. I'm (Y/N) (Last Name). Thank you for the offer, but this week has been pretty rough, so I'd like to save my energy for now." You bowed your head. "I should get going to my class now. I hope I will see you all later."

"Of course. Please come to us whenever you want!"

You turned and went on your way. You knew only what you heard about those two, which wasn't much, and you didn't want to get entangled in them.

"(Y/N)-chan..." Homura appeared beside you with an expression of concern. "Can I walk with you to class?"

"Oh. Of course you can."

"Thank you." The two of you walked in silence before she spoke again. "Are you mad at me?"

You looked at her with shock. "What? No! Why would I hate you? You're my best friend, Homura-chan. It's just...there's a lot going on right now. Please give me some time to go back to my old self."

"Oh. Well, if you say so." She smiled. Her fingers lightly grazed yours. "You know where to find me when you're ready."

It turns out you were never ready. That night, Kyubey visited your aunt's house and confirmed that the three girls were all Magical Girls. He also promised that he wouldn't tell them that you were a Magical Girl as well since he noticed your reluctance. You wanted to avoid them at all costs. Unfortunately, "them" also included Homura, your dear friend.

It was a week later that your aunt came to your room crying, sharing that your father--her brother--was in a critical state and might not make it. You spent the day comforting her and letting her comfort you while your sense of normalcy seemed to slip away. She didn't know for certain if the others would make it either.

But you were going to make sure of it.

When your aunt left your room, Kyubey snuck inside upon your request. You clasped your hands in your lap and looked at it sternly. "I want to make a wish."

"What wish would you like me to grant?"

"I want to make it so that I never experience change, from the time before my house caught on fire."

"Are you sure you don't want to simply wish for your family to live in a healthy state forever?"

You licked your lips in the brief pause that came. Then, you nodded your head despite the sinking feeling in your gut. "If any wish can really be granted, I want to make it count. Interpret it as you will. Changes in my life have made me happy but also sad; sometimes I can't bounce back from them."

"What if you never age or get frozen in time?"

"I would much prefer the never-age part."

Kyubey hopped onto the window sill. "That will be for the universe to decide."

The creature finally granted your wish. From your body, a soul gem of white was extracted quite painfully. It felt like all of the blood in your body rushed into your head as your new attire was made: a decorative short dress of white and purple, white gloves, white stockings, and royal purple boots. Kyubey ordered you to fall asleep once it taught you how to shift out of your outfit so it could teach you more about being a Magical Girl the next day.

When you woke up, you almost couldn't believe your eyes. The familiar texture of your childhood blanket and the comforting smell of your home--your real home--was ecstasy to your body. You sat there for a couple minutes recalling what had occurred last night. Fear crawled along your spine. You didn't know exactly what had changed and what hadn't, but if you were in your home, that could only mean one thing.

You ran downstairs to the kitchen, where your mother was preparing breakfast. She turned to your heavy footsteps with wide eyes. "(Y/N)? What's wrong? Are you oh--OH!"

Her back hit the sink at the impact of your embrace. Your face was nearly buried in her chest. Once you both steadied yourselves, she caressed your head in her hands, running fingers through your hair. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I just had a nightmare is all," you answered, secretly wiping your tears in her shirt. "It was scary."

"Hey, what's all this ruckus about?"

Dad? You turned around to see the very man walking downstairs in his pajamas, your little sister in tow. She peeked beside his legs and offered a concerned look.

“Honey, it’s okay. She just had a nightmare,” your mother reassured. “You do have to get ready for school, though, (Y/N). It’s morning already.”

“Ah, yeah. Okay.”

And just like that, your family was fixed. It took a couple days to get used to it, even more so that your younger sister had no recollection of bonding over the exhausting nights, but it was worth it.

It didn’t take long to realize that not everything had changed, and the things that did were not always consistent with a point in time. Homura was still friends with Mami and Madoka, and your class lessons were the same as before. But apparently, some friends you’d made in your childhood but drifted off after they moved to other cities messaged you as if it was the norm. It appeared that in this timeline, you maintained those friendships well. The day you realized this, you spent the whole evening learning what conversations you’d had with them. It was strange to investigate yourself.

Every two nights or so, you’d sneak out of the house to venture to what Kyubey labeled as your territory, though it wasn’t officially yours. It just made it far from the other magical girls—the group with Madoka—since you still weren’t ready for them to confront you about being one. Especially Homura. You could barely make a coherent thought about what wish she could have possibly made to sacrifice her life. Anyhow, you would spend the nights hunting down wishes and purifying your Soul Gem. One day, after going about the next couple days as normal, you got hit with a nostalgic feeling but didn't know why. It was only until you listened to your class lecture that you realized you'd heard the exact lecture and the following lesson before. You glanced at your classmates, but no one acted anything out of the ordinary.

You continued about your day without any changes, other than observing things more closely. The same thing occurred over the next couple days. You’d guess that time had been reversed at least five times, but you couldn’t be sure because you were just so confused.

After class one day, you decided to explore the entire school building. Before you became a Magical Girl, you'd always stick you the rooms where you needed to be in--your classroom, the cafeteria, and the gym--because you never felt the need to, didn't want to be embarrassed by looking clueless, and worried you'd be scolded by teachers. Now, you felt empowered. Getting an earful from adults was nothing to risking your life regularly.

As you explored, you stumbled upon a familiar, pink-haired girl following behind your best friend, Homura. A part of you wanted to walk another way before they saw you. After all, you've been avoiding them for at least a month now (minus the days in time reversal, but you were also avoiding the group during that time too). But you still cherished your friendship with Homura.

"Homura-chan!" you called, jogging over to them. Once you got closer, you slowed and looked the girl up and down. "Oh. You let down your hair; that's new. Where are your glasses?"

"Oh. Uh. I got contacts."

"Huh. I didn't know. I'm sorry for not talking to you for so long." You grabbed her hand with both of yours. "I wasn't in the mood or right mindset to talk, but I feel better now. Do you want to meet up sometime today?" You then turned to the other girl. "Is it okay if I spend some time with Homura-chan alone first before taking your offer to eat lunch? I would love to eat with you guys."

Madoka blinked. "Offer?"

"Yeah, it was a while ago. When you, Homura-chan, and Mami-senpai stopped me in the hall? Do you remember, Madoka-chan?"

"How...how do you know my name?" She bowed her head sheepishly. "I don't think I've met you before..."

"Huh? You introduced yourself to me. I know it's been a while, but I'm--"

"I think you have things mixed up." Homura squeezed your hand and let it go. For the first time in your friendship, she shot you a harsh look, as if you'd just worn shorts to a formal ball. "Let's meet tomorrow at your house. I'm busy."

"Wha...? Uh, sure. I'll text you my address. Let me know when you plan on coming." You turned to Madoka. "I'm sorry. I hope to meet you again."

You headed straight for the bathroom and did your best from letting teardrops fall from your face. Homura had never treated you like that. Did you do something wrong? Why didn't Madoka remember you? That was such an embarrassing conversation. You should have just ignored them. But good news was you finally get to hang out with Homura. Though, she has never gone to your house, and it was out of character of her to suggest such a place without asking for your suggestion on where to go. You weren't going to let this opportunity slip away, however. Besides, you didn't know how you'd even cancel on her after such a display.

You messaged Homura your address after school, but she didn't reply until an hour after you returned home. Your parents were still at work, and your younger sister was at a friend's house, so you were relieved you could spare them from a sudden guest invite.

The message Homura sent was: "I'm at your door."

How bland.

Now changed into presentable pajamas, you went downstairs and opened the door. Homura was still in her school attire. She took off her shoes, placed them on the shoe rack, and took her school bag off her shoulders. "Thank you. Excuse me."

"Oh. Of course. You can put your bag on the couch." You watched as she did so as you locked the door. "My family is out right now. Would you like something to drink? Water? Tea?"

"No thank you."

"Then, do you want to head to my room?"

"Here is fine. Let's talk on the couch."

"Sure! Let me just get a drink." You made a cup of ginseng tea and sat near Homura on the same couch. After taking a sip, you set the cup down on a brown coaster. "So, your hair and contacts. What made you decide on a new look? I like it; I'm just curious."

"Do you know what Kyubey is?"

You froze for a second or two. Then, you gave a slight chuckle. "Kyubey? What do you mean?"

"(Y/N)-chan. Tell me the truth. Did you make a contract with Kyubey?"

Crap.

You pursed your lip. Magical Girls were meant to be kept a secret from ordinary civilians. You knew she was one, but you thought she didn't know you were one. Now, you weren't sure. Her stern expression only made you uneasy about deciding an answer.

At last, you caved with a sigh. "I did."

Homura's eyebrows knit, making her expression even more firm. "Why would you do that? You know your life is going to be at stake forever now."

"I know, but I just..." You faced your cup of tea, which was still steaming. "I haven't told you about my family yet. I'll spare you the details, at least for now. We used to be happy, but things happened and it fell apart. Then, I just kind of...aside from that, I felt lonely. I don't have many friends, and you started hanging out with Madoka-chan and Mami-senpai more so...so I made a wish that would make me happy."

"What did you wish for?"

"Um. Honestly, I can't remember the exact wording," you answered with another nervous chuckle. "Something along the lines of things never changing. Kyubey told me the universe would decide how to interpret that. Luckily, not everything remained the same. Only the major things, I guess."

Before you could think of something else to add, your breath was thrown out of your body by Homura launching towards you and yanking the collar of your pajama shirt closer to her. Her wide, purple eyes pierced yours. "How long ago did you make this wish?!"

"I-I think two months ago."

"Two months...you definitely saw Kyubey with us, right? Me, Madoka, and Mami. Why didn't you ever mention anything?"

"Because I didn't feel like it!" you exclaimed, removing her hand from your collar. "Why didn't YOU say anything about being a Magical Girl? Was that why you were with them all the time?"

"Yes. Partly. I wasn't a Magical Girl the whole time I was with them. I just followed them on their adventures."

"What? That's possible?"

"Yes. A terrible witch named Walpurgisnacht was going to destory Mitakihara City, and Madoka saved us. She sacrificed herself to save us. She asked me to save her, so I made a wish to save Madoka. It was strong enough to give me the ability to go through different timelines; I'll make as many as I need to to prevent her from becoming a Magical Girl."

"Madoka..." Your heart ached. "Is she that important to you that you're willing to use your wish to save her? You just left everything you knew behind and reversed time."

"Yes. She is." Homura leaned closer. "I realized something wasn't right about you when you talked to me and Madoka. You weren't supposed to remember her. I asked Kyubey about you and confirmed my suspicions, though it doesn't recall ever making a wish for you."

Kyubey! You rat!

As if struck by something, Homura suddenly pulled away from you and stood. She grabbed her bag and slung it on her shoulder. "I've learned all I needed. I'll be going now. From now on, please don't get in my way."

You shot up from your seat. "Get in your way? Like, never talk to you again?"

"If it need be."

"Homura! You're crazy!" You hurried over to her and snatched her hand before she could walk any further. "How could you abandon our friendship like this?!"

"I don't want you to get involved in this. It's better if--"

"Do you really care that little about me?!"

"No! What are you assuming?!" Homura spun around and grabbed your shoulders. Her grip dug into your skin. "I'm asking you to stay away because I care for you!"

"We're both risking our lives here! What if you die?!"

"I won't. Trust me."

"Do you really love Madoka-chan more than me?"

"What?"

Tears fell from your eyes. As much as you tried to reason in your mind how selfless Homura was to use her wish to save her friend, you couldn't help but feel as if you've been tossed aside. If Madoka was newest ballerina in a play, you were the one forced to retire. Your hands gripped Homura's wrists as you hiccupped. "Please don't leave me. Even after I made my wish, I wasn't able to be as close to you as before. Now you're going even further."

"(Y/N)-chan, please don't cry." She stepped closer and wiped your tears with the cuff of her sleeve. At last, her expression softened. "You'll make this even harder for me."

"Good. I love you."

Silence fell upon you two, but only for a bit. You brought one of her hands to your chest. "I love you. Take it as you will. Just don't leave me. You're my best friend, Homura-chan."

Homura took a deep breath. Her fingers brushed strands of hair out of your face. It was then you realized the faintest hint of tears in her eyes. After staring at your desperate face for a moment, she brought one of your hands to her lips and kissed it. "I'll meet you at your house tomorrow morning before school starts. I'll introduce you to Madoka. But you have to promise to stay by my side no matter what, even when we go hunting for witches. I don't want you to get hurt."

Your heart skipped a beat. You pulled her into a hug and buried your head into her neck. “I promise!"

Homura hugged you back even tighter. The both of you stood embracing each other for what seemed like hours. Neither of you seemed like wanting to let the other go. All moments come to an end, however. Homura pulled away, kissed you on the forehead, and bid you farewell. She closed the door, and you were alone again in your room, shaken and confused.

Did those kisses mean Homura loved you…romantically? Or were they platonic kisses? You weren’t sure. To be honest, even you didn’t know how you felt about her anymore about that outburst. Did you like her or did you like like her?

No matter. You’d find out overtime. In the meanwhile, you decided to rest your beating heart by heading to bed. Hopefully that night, you’d be able to find Homura and hunting witches together for the first time.

[bella-rose29]

Nikolai Lantsov x f!reader: Not Your Lover - Chapter 1

This will be a new series I'm writing! I'm going to aim to post a chapter once a week (there may be other things in between) because I have no idea how much time I'll have to be writing now that I'm back in the real world (🥲), but hopefully I can stick to that.

Taya isn't a real place, I made it up and I suck at naming things (that goes for the title of this as well, but I may end up sticking with it like with Arranged Marriages who knows).

Word count: 3.9k

Warnings: swearing, sexual harassment, barely proof-read

Tag list: @a-candle-maker, @bubybubsters, @el-de-phi, @hauntedenthusiasttragedy, @iambored24601, @itsyoboo-jassy, @karensirkobabes, @kentucky-criedfricken, @little8sun, @mvidaaaa, @nalie-98, @naushtheaspiringauthor, @notoakay, @pietromaximoffsbabe, @simbaaas-stuff

Nikolai hadn't slept last night, and now he was regretting getting up and going into town.

Everything was too loud for his aching head, and by the time he'd made it to the mechanic, he was ready to keel over and fall asleep right there.

"Can I help you, mate?"

Nikolai looked up, seeing a man in greasy overalls step through the back door.

"Oh, uh, I'm Dominik, here about the job?"

"Right, right, come in. Sorry about this," he gestured to himself.

"Don't worry about it, I'm used to getting my hands dirty, this is nothing," he flashed a smile, and the mechanic responded with his own.

"Good. Thought you'd just be another pretty boy wanting to get the girls in."

Nikolai laughed. "That's the last thing on my mind right now."

It was true, given what had happened last week. He'd had to end yet another short-term relationship because she'd cheated. Nikolai wanted something real, something more than just physical attraction, and apparently all the partners he was picking just wanted to jump his bones.

After a successful meeting with the owner of the mechanic (Fabrikator, but he didn't use his powers unless he had to) resulting in a job, Nikolai made his way into a mostly empty coffee shop, hoping for some quiet and a very large cup of tea.

He'd used his best friend's name as a cover while he was here in the small port of Taya, not wanting to be swarmed by people hoping for the ex-King of Ravka to be their friend, or heighten his chances at being assassinated. While he might not be royalty anymore, he was still a valuable body with a large sum of money on his head. He hoped that Dominik didn't mind the use, but he figured that he could just go by 'Nik' anyway. He'd used a version of his father's last name as well, deciding that 'Lantsov' would be too much of a giveaway.

"Here you go, sir, enjoy," the waitress said, delivering his tea to his table.

"Thanks." He took a sip, relishing the warmth, and the bell on the door tinkled lightly as two women walked in. Nikolai felt the air leave his body as he took in the younger of the two, not quite understanding how one woman could be as stunning as the one in front of him was.

"I'm just saying! It could be good for you!"

"Ugh, it's not going to be good for me, mum! When has having a boyfriend ever helped me?!"

Interesting.

"I just think that instead of running around trying to get this grant, you should be focusing on your future, settling down, having kids!"

"Well maybe this grant is my future, mum!"

The whole conversation (argument?) had progressed into loud whispers, glances being cast around the small space to check that they weren't disturbing anyone. Nikolai was confused, wondering what the grant was and why the woman's mother couldn't see how much it meant to her daughter. Surely a compromise could be made?

The pair left a few minutes later, taking their drinks with them and having moved on to other topics of conversation.

Outside, Nikolai could see the town getting set up for the summer faire, gazebos and bunting being put up and lights being strung for when it got dark. Everything would kick off tomorrow afternoon, and Nikolai was looking forward to celebrating with everybody.

~~~

That night, after spending most of the day in the mechanic's shop working, Nikolai stumbled back home, exhausted from the sheer number of people that had come in needing things fixing. He understood now why Gregor had wanted Nikolai to start working so quickly, but looking around at how many people were actually living in Taya, there weren't many. Tourism wasn't big here either, which was understandable given how tiny this place was, and there was only one hotel (which Nikolai was staying in for the time being) that felt more run-down than the abandoned mansion overlooking the town square, and that was covered in ivy and half falling to pieces. Apparently somebody was trying to fix it up, but given how many people had been hit on the head by a falling beam (four, he'd been told, which was apparently too many for the small population), everybody was reluctant to help work on it.

Finally reaching his room, Nikolai fished out his key and, once inside, slumped onto his bed. It was lumpy, and the sheets were too thin, but it was better than being on the streets. He could have allowed Zoya to pay for a place for him, but he'd wanted to live life as he would have done were he raised by his real father, and given how much he'd enjoyed being Sturmhond, being unknown for who he truly was, Nikolai was happy to go off with a small sum of money to pay for his first few nights, get a job, and go by the name Dominik Opus.

It took him a while to get to sleep, despite how tiring his day had been, and while he tried to drift off his mind kept wandering back to the young woman in the coffee shop that morning, trying to remember what she'd looked like.

~~~

"Hello? Hello? Gregor? You here?" a female voice asked, and Nikolai looked out from under the carriage he was fixing. He recognised it, although were from he couldn't remember, and pushed himself out and up, wiping his hands on a cloth (that wasn't much cleaner than his hands) and turning around.

"Gregor's gone out, just me," he said, then stared in surprise at the woman in front of him. It was the one from the coffee shop, looking somehow more beautiful than she had the day before.

"Oh." Her face filled with mild disgust, and Nikolai wondered how bad he looked. "Well, I'll come back later then."

"I could take a message for you? Or you could hang around? He said he'd be ten minutes basically ten minutes ago, so he should be back any second now."

"I'm good, thanks. Bye."

Well that was rude.

Nikolai frowned, wondering how such a gorgeous woman could be so horrible, when he heard laughter from outside the mechanic.

"You been waiting long?"

"No, no! Seriously, don't worry about it! Here, the box you wanted."

Oh, so she could be nice to Gregor, but not him?

"Thanks, remember, if you ever need anything-"

"Be sure to ask. Yeah, I know. Oh by the way, who's the new guy?"

"Dominik. Goes by Nik most of the time. Why'd you ask?"

"He looks like he won't take it seriously, and I didn't want you to have to take the fallout for accidentally employing another fuckboy."

Ah. That's why she didn't like the look of me.

"It's not gonna happen again, alright? And he is actually good at what he does, for somebody who's not Grisha."

"Ugh, fine. But when this inevitably comes back to bite you in the ass because he's left you to fend for yourself while he goes around every woman in the village, don't come crying to me, Greg."

"Very specific situation, but sure. I'll see you later? I assume you'll be at your stall?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. Hopefully mum doesn't force any more men on me while I'm there."

"You know she just means well."

"Doesn't feel that way, but sure. Bye," she said, and Nikolai saw Gregor waving as he came back into the shop, box in hand.

"Who was she?"

"Y/n L/n. I'm friends with her mother, who's on the town council. Didn't seem to like the look of you much, did she?" He laughed, putting the box to one side. "She's not a big fan of people that look like you, so try not to take it personally. And she's a little frosty towards any newcomer in our town, since we barely get any tourists. I'm sure she'll be happier tonight at the faire, so don't worry too much about it."

"What's she do?"

"Owns the bakery next to the coffee shop." Nikolai knew the one (literally The One, since there weren't any others in town). "Really good baker, too. Shame there's not enough money in this place to keep all the businesses going. But," he shrugged. "People always need things fixing and can't be bothered to do it themselves. How's the carriage coming along?"

~~~

The afternoon was swelteringly hot, with it coming up on the height of summer, and working in the shop was horrible. Far too many people came in with things needing fixing, and while Nikolai and Gregor were glad for the extra footfall, most of the customers were women, having obviously broken something deliberately and wanting to see Nikolai.

One woman was particularly interested, and when she got to the front of the queue that led all the way out of the shop and down the road, Nikolai recognised her as the older woman from the coffee shop this morning, and Y/n's mother.

"Are you single?" she immediately asked. "Not for me, I'm married, not that some of the women here care. It's for my daughter, you see. She says she doesn't want a boyfriend, but personally I think the two of you would look brilliant together, hmm?"

"All fixed, have a nice day!" Nikolai passed back the clock that he had fixed within about two seconds (a loose cog in the mechanism), shooting her a wide smile that he hoped didn't show how badly he wanted to go home. Her smile faltered slightly, then came back twice as strong than before, leaving Nikolai a little blinded.

"I hope I'll see you at the faire tonight, my daughter will be helping me with my stall!"

"I'll be there," he responded tiredly, eyeing up the rest of the line and estimating how much longer he'd have to be here.

"Excellent!"

She walked off, a spring in her step, and Nikolai wondered how such a chipper lady had such a miserable daughter.

I suppose they don't get on too well, he thought, remembering the conversation they'd had in the coffee shop the morning before.

"I hope I'll see you at my stall," the next woman in line purred, pushing her chest forward into Nikolai's face, and he immediately wished he were anywhere but here.

~~~

Y/n was exactly where she wanted to be.

She had been trying for months to get a grant from the town council to do up the abandoned mansion in the square, hoping to turn it into both a bakery and a library with rooms at the top for people to stay, but with her mother in the top position and refusing to budge until Y/n had a boyfriend (she shuddered), there was no hope in sight.

After yet another talk from her mother about how finding a boyfriend might just be what she needed, Y/n had come to the mansion, and felt immediately calmed by the building. The creaking of the timbers wasn't exactly reassuring, but she'd had this dream for as long as she could remember, and being so close to actually achieving it meant that she was happy here. She'd be much happier with a grant, of course, but that wouldn't happen unless she got a boyfriend. She was absolutely certain her mother would already be eyeing up the blond fuckboy from the mechanic, thinking up wild ideas on how to get the two of them together, but he looked so perfectly like he was bad news that Y/n didn't even want to go there.

She sighed, sitting down on the crumbling wall that was definitely a safety hazard and pulling out her notebook. If she couldn't bring her ideas to life, she could at least draw them out (or write them down, her diagrams were atrocious sometimes). All around, people were getting their wares out for the summer faire, the one time of the year that Taya had any kind of tourism, and the narrow streets were already bustling with excited customers. Colourful bunting had been strung across the walkways, held up by lampposts and people's balconies, and lights were mingled in with the strands. Things would properly kick off at five bells, only half an hour away, and Y/n was dreading having to spend four hours next to her mother, no escape as she pointed out every single man within a fifty mile radius.

For now, she sat on the wall, coming up with new ideas or elaborating on old ones for when she finally got the grant (no boyfriend included), occasionally people watching.

~~~

Three hours later, Y/n wanted to go home.

Her mother had done exactly as predicted, and had, in an incredibly non subtle way, convinced every man that came to their stall that Y/n was the best they would ever do, and they should give her a chance.

While Y/n agreed that she was most certainly the best that they could do, she didn't want any of them to be giving her a chance, she just wanted them to buy the pastries that she'd spent the morning preparing. Being the only bakery in town, their produce was in high demand, so they had set up just outside their actual shop to keep a steady stream of baked goods coming to the stall. She was just creating an escape plan when she heard a squeal from her left, and immediately knew that she wasn't going anywhere since her mother had found 'the perfect man' as she put it. Turning, Y/n groaned at the dark haired man in front of their table, and immediately turned back to her right. That wasn't any good either, since the blond fuckboy was stood there.

"Oh, hi!"

He was too smiley, and so obviously one of those guys that would ruin her life, trying the nice guy act in an attempt to win a girl over. He'd probably had everything handed to him because of his looks.

"Hi. How can I help?" His smiled dulled a little at her lack of enthusiasm, but credit where credit's due, he was not backing down.

"One of these, please," he replied, pointing at a loaf of bread. She nodded, bagging it up, and should have realised what was going to happen when his eyes flicked over her shoulder in surprise.

"Is that your mother?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"She's uh... she's really going for him, huh?"

Y/n turned around again (she'd get dizzy if this kept happening), then almost dropped the bag at the sight of her mother chatting up the dark haired man from before, pointing at Y/n.

"I thought she was married? At least, that's what she said this morning."

"Why did you see my mother this morning?"

"She came to the mechanic with a very obviously not broken clock."

"She is married. She's trying to get somebody to date me. I think that's why she's so focused on my love life, because she has this perfect love story and thinks she can replicate it with me. Five vlachka, please."

He handed over the money, taking the bread from her in return.

"Is that why she won't give you the grant? Wait," his eyes widened. "That sounded creepy, I'm sorry. I just heard you in the coffee shop the other morning, and then Gregor said that she was on the council, and I just put that together and if I assumed wrongly then I'm sorry." He seemed apologetic, hands waving frantically.

"My personal life is none of your business. Thank you, goodbye." She was annoyed at how close he was to the truth.

~~~

Nikolai had spent the last half an hour eating his loaf of bread along with a selection of hams and cheeses that he'd bought, combined with glaring at Y/n from where he sat on a bench. He knew that he'd overstepped a boundary in asking the question, but he'd been curious and nothing more, and she had been so brusque in turning him away that it irked him. He understood that she might not want some random guy she'd never met before snooping into her private life, but she could have said it a bit more nicely than that. Nikolai had always believed in being nice to people, no matter how much you wanted their head on a chopping block, because you might be burning bridges before they were even built, but then again he'd grown up in a life of politics, and Y/n had grown up in the quiet port town of Taya.

Watching her interact with other customers was making Nikolai's irritation grow; she seemed to have very little problem with being nice to them, so why couldn't she do it around him? Gregor had mentioned that she didn't like people that "looked like Nikolai", but what did that mean? And why was she judging a book by its cover? Maybe once she got to know him, she'd find that he was actually a pretty great guy to be around. That might be his ego talking, sure, but Nikolai had spent his life learning how to be what people wanted, and it was annoying him that he couldn't figure out what Y/n wanted to see. One thing she definitely did not want to see was single men, coming up with excuses out of nowhere to fend off every one that was sent her way by her mother. Nikolai was sure that he was right, and that Y/n's mother didn't want her starting this venture unless she had a partner, and that was why she hadn't gained the grant. He'd also seen the state of the building, and knew that it was likely that her mother was concerned about how much of herself Y/n would put into this project, thinking by the time she was done there would be no time for grandchildren. He didn't know if Y/n had siblings, but assumedly her mother had expected little ones sooner than this, and time was running out.

Frowning as yet another man was sent Y/n's way (and told to leave by Y/n), Nikolai didn't notice the young woman coming his way until she was practically sat on him she was so close to him on the bench.

"Hi, handsome, not seen you around here before." He recoiled at her tone of voice and at the fingers she was trailing up his arm, doing his best to not look too disgusted.

"Moved a couple of days ago," he replied, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"Where you staying? Because I've got room in my bed, if you like?"

"I'm alright, thank you. You'll get tired of having me there. Terrible nightmares that lead to me waking up screaming bloody murder. You'd never get any sleep." He smiled apologetically, hoping she'd get the hint.

"I wasn't planning on doing much sleeping, to be honest. But I'd be happy to comfort you if that's what you need?" Her fingers were still dancing on his shirtsleeve, and Nikolai was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable.

"Really, I'm fine."

"Aw," she pouted, and Nikolai didn't think he'd seen anything less attractive. "You are single, aren't you?" Sensing an out, Nikolai shook his head.

"Sorry, taken man. I think that dark haired guy is free though," he pointed at the man that had been at the bakery stall earlier, then packed up his things to leave.

"Who are you with? If you've only been here a couple of days then it can't be too serious, right?"

Nikolai didn't bother giving an answer, hoping she'd leave him alone. When she stood up to follow him, he internally groaned. His eyes darted around, searching for anybody that could help, and when he met Y/n's she grimaced.

"Need help?" she mouthed, pointing at the woman clamping down on his arm. He was surprised at her actions, and nodded. When she only shrugged and turned away, evil smile on her face, Nikolai huffed, then made a decision.

"Hi, darling. I'm gonna head back, alright?" Y/n whipped her head around to look at him when he tapped her shoulder, and immediately he felt the woman's grip loosen on his arm.

"What?"

"I second that, what?!"

Her mother was involved now, coming over excitedly as she let herself indulge the possibilities.

"I said I was gonna head back, darling," he repeated, a wicked glint coming into his eyes that thankfully her mother didn't notice. Y/n was glaring at him, and if looks could kill he'd be twelve feet under in a ditch, but she'd left him for the wolves (well, wolf), so now he was throwing her to the lions. Served her right, really, for not being nicer. At least this way she might get her grant, and he could get rid of this woman (who was still hanging off of him).

"You're together?" her mother asked, clapping her hands with joy. Nikolai nodded, frowning slightly.

"She didn't tell you? Darling, why didn't you tell her?"

He was enjoying this a little too much, but if it meant that she got a taste of her own medicine and he was left alone by all the other women, it was worth it.

"I didn't realise this was a thing, sweetheart," she ground out, not that her mother noticed. "Hello, Evelina. Pleasure to see you, as always. Get off my boyfriend before I dropkick you into next fucking month." She smiled sweetly, but malice was in her eyes, and Evelina left within seconds. "You sure you want to go back? There's so much to do!" Now her voice was cloyingly sweet, dripping with fake emotion.

"I've had a long day, and I'll have to be up early tomorrow. The faire's on for the rest of the week, so I'll have plenty of time to do the things I've missed."

"I have so many questions!" her mother chipped in. "When did this start? How did you get her to go out with you? Are you in a serious relationship? Have you had sex?"

"Mother! Saints!"

"Really only yesterday, it was incredibly difficult and I essentially bribed her, I'd like this to be serious, and no we have not. I like to get to know my girlfriend before I go there." At Y/n's snort, he glared at her, pinching her in the ribs. Her mother didn't seem to notice (yet again), too happy that her daughter was finally in a relationship.

"Well," she started, sighing happily. "Y/n, come on down to the town hall tomorrow morning for the meeting, and you just might get that grant!" Y/n's eyes widened, and she didn't say anything until her mother had walked away to serve a customer. Then she appeared to snap out of her daze, grabbing Nikolai by the arm (why did women keep doing that?) and dragging him into a back room in the bakery.

"What, the actual fuck, are you doing?!"

"Helping you and helping me," he shrugged in response, rubbing his upper arm where she'd grabbed him.

"How is this," she gestured furiously between the two of them, "helping either of us?!"

"Helping you, because you do need your mother to give you the grant, and the only way that would happen is if you got some great love story. Helping me, because I'd rather we didn't get quite so many people coming in to the shop with time-wasting repairs. It drives away the bigger customers. Also I think she wanted to eat me alive."

"Evelina? Yeah, she would have done. And you know what? I was content to let that happen."

"Oh I know you were, given you asked if I needed help and then shrugged and left me to fend for myself!"

"Ugh, you are a pain!"

"That's the best you can do?"

"I can think of many other words for what you are, all of them worse."

"Let me know when your brain thinks them up, yeah?"

"Fuck you."

"What, right here? Little bit risky, isn't it?"

"Saints! Do you even hear yourself? You are insufferable! Which is exactly why you need to go out there and tell my mother that you lied, and we are not together, and she needs to stop interfering with my life!"

"If I do that, you don't get your grant. I'll help you work on the building if that makes you feel any better, since nobody around here will, but if I go out there and tell your mother the truth, you can say goodbye to ever getting that mansion."

She paused then, blank expression on her face. Nikolai made to move towards the exit, and his hand was about to push the door open when she sighed and said "Wait." Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighed again, looking everywhere but at him. "Fine. But we only go along with this for as long as I want to. When I think I have enough from the council that I don't need their support anymore, then this stops. If we cut things off within the week, mum will suspect something, and she'll call back the money. We need to be careful, we need to be smart, and you need to not make me want to kill you, because I'd much rather explain this whole situation than why I need a bag and a shovel and a plot of land."

"Understood."

"I still don't quite get what you're gaining from this, but I won't complain. Also I want the free labour you offered."

"It wasn't free labour that I offered, I'm expecting a little compensation for my time. And I said, it stops the unnecessary repairs and means that Gregor and I can work on the bigger stuff, like carriages for fancy people."

"I'm not paying you. I've gotta use all that money on repairs and shit, so you can take your compensation and stick it up your arse."

"I was thinking more 'make sure you feed me', but fine."

"Oh," she blinked, clearly taken aback. "I can do that. I'm not cooking for you, though. You can do that on your own, dickwad."

"Dominik."

"What?"

"Dominik. Nik for short. It's my name. If we're going to pretend that we're dating, it might help for you to not call me 'dickwad'."

"Oh," she said again. "Makes sense. Y/n is fine. Anything else, I get the shovel."

"Got it. I think I might actually go back," he started, feeling the unease creep up his spine.

"You can't leave me here! Not on my own! Do you have any idea how many questions she's gonna ask me?!"

"Well where do you live then? I'll walk you back, then she can't get upset, right?"

Y/n considered for a moment, head tilted to the side.

"Fine, but don't get any ideas," she pointed at him. "I know how to make sure you never have children."

"That's... okay. Let's uh... let's go?" He hadn't meant for it to be a question, but he was taken aback by her previous statement. She nodded, grimacing slightly as she took the arm he had offered up. "You don't have to look quite so disgusted at the thought of having me as your partner, you know."

"Yes I do. You're not my type in any way, and I can't believe this is happening oh Saints." They'd stepped out, and immediately her mother had come over, asking a million questions.

"Mum! We're gonna go home, okay?"

"I'll walk her back, Mrs L/n," he smiled, and she immediately flapped her hands.

"Please, call me Y/m/n, since we're family now! I want to hear all about this," she waved her hands at the two of them now, "tomorrow after the council meeting, alright?"

"Of course, Y/m/n," he said, and he could practically feel Y/n rolling her eyes. He led her away, heading off in the direction she pointed him in, and tried to push the dread that was working its way through his body. "Where do you live again?"

"Not far. Next street, halfway down. I'm not too far away from the hotel."

"Okay."

She frowned, looking up at him. "You look kinda ill, are you okay? Asking purely because I don't want you throwing up on me."

"I'm fine," he swallowed. "I'll be fine." They fell silent after that, and not long after they came to a stop in front of a gate.

"This is me. Don't come back here or I'll stab you with my kitchen knives. Bye."

Saints, she was weird. And not particularly welcoming either. Nikolai watched her up until she was inside and he heard the door lock, then started walking towards the hotel.

The demon had other ideas.

He'd been trying to force it back down since the bakery about ten minutes ago, but now it wanted out. Nikolai couldn't be sure that it wouldn't go and terrorise people, and while he and the creature sharing his body had some sort of understanding now, he didn't know if he'd be able to control it if it went crazy. Finding a dark alleyway (probably not the best idea, but he had both the demon and his guns if anyone tried anything), he let it out, panting at the effort. It growled at him, clearly unhappy at having been suppressed, and Nikolai gave it the middle finger.

"You couldn't have waited a little longer, huh?" It tilted its head, studying him, then rummaged around in the rubbish in the alley. "Disgusting. You're disgusting, eating that." He huffed, then folded his arms and stood at the entrance, keeping an eye out for anyone that might be walking past and see the demon. He'd be screwed if that happened; everybody had heard about the king that released a demon upon the Fjerdan ranks a few months ago, and there was no chance that he wouldn't be recognised then. He wasn't sure how long the pair of them lingered in the alleyway, but by the time the demon was done, allowing Nikolai to take it back in, he was exhausted, and very grateful for his bed. It didn't take him long to fall asleep, and when he did, he dreamed of her.

Chapter 2

[hollow-lime-green]

I think you summed it up pretty well for jjk, that Gege had a lot of great ideas with poor execution because most plot points/character beats weren't well thought out. But for me, the biggest problem was the lack and/or complete disregard of character development, interaction, and depth (there's also little to no emotional beats and emotional depth, too, but that's a separate argument). I can't believe the manga has ended with a lot of characters - MAIN characters - being one note, one dimensional, concluding their character arcs exactly how they began, or not concluding their character arcs at all. I would even go one step further and say that jjk has a whole lot of plot devices that happen to have names (like Megumi and Nobara), meanwhile, there are about 5 real characters. All this tells me is that somewhere along the way, Gege stopped caring about his characters, and that's a cardinal sin for any author to make. Because if the author doesn't care about their own characters, why should the readers? And they don't care about the characters, why should they care about the story? And that's where I find myself (actually, I've felt like this for over a year now). Liking or hating the ending of jjk or the series in general are way too strong of emotions to attribute to how I feel. I'm simply indifferent, which I believe to be worse than outright hating it. I've lost the love I had for this series, but hating it takes too much energy and is honestly a waste of my time.

Still, like anything else, this is nothing fanfic can't fix. So, there's that, I guess…

All in all, I hope that the ending doesn't deter you or any other fanfic writers who also didn't like the ending from finishing their ongoing fanfics. Despite me not really caring about jjk anymore, I'm still very much invested in your stsg fic and can't wait for the next chapter! 😊

yeah, well said.

to be honest, i'm not super affected by the ending. i watched jjk s1 because it was popular and felt very nothing about it. i never bonded with the younger cast, and that is true even now. i started reading around maybe july of last year? and still, i felt a whole lot of nothing until 236. the first time around, gojo's past arc actually did nothing for me. it wasn't until 236 that I was like "wait is there something here?" i didn't have a lot of love to begin with, so i didn't have a lot to lose.

then i went back and reread, read fanfic, and began to get invested in stsg. and then, because I'm a redditor, I began to read some of the theorycrafting stuff and got invested in that too. jjk is kind of like star wars for me. I like the world, but I am somewhat uninterested in the Main Story that people have chosen to tell in it. (which is why games like KOTOR and extended universe stuff are so good and cool to me)

FIYM is certainly safe from the ending, because I'm simply doing something different. clearly i have never cared about what gege thinks his mechanics/universe rules are, because I am simply rewriting them all. if I do lose steam on it, it'll be because of real life/energy or the very scary and realistic possibility that the fandom starts to decay with time and I can't finish it while I still have active cheerleaders. i hope that doesn't happen, but I've experienced it before.

ending thoughts -

I actually do like the power of friendship ending and I kind of was hoping that we would get something like this, IF it was paced well, which it wasn't. and it needed more 'break the cycle' energy. and it needed a lot of people to die. (if i'm writing jjk, 100% yuta is doomed. he is yuki 2.0.). with the pacing we got, I was hoping for a brutal twist. when gege announced 5 chapters left, my brother asked me if I thought it could end well in that time, and i think i said something along the lines of "no, definitely no, 0% chance, absolutely not". and yet I was still somehow surprised.

there's so much setup on the themes of love, sacrifice, and enlightenment (letting go of attachment), and gege fumbled hard on the pacing to convey any coherent message about any of it. there are so many endings that would have worked and what we got was not one of them, but again I think largely due to the pacing and priority.

i think that gege does care about his characters, but he doesn't know what to do with them, and specifically when to kill them.

I think nobara is great and I like how she goes out as a cost of her ambition/bravery. leave it there, greg.

I think yuta is great and i like how he goes out trying to turn himself into a monster to save his friends. kill him, greg.

I think it is understandable to lose hope after you lose and kind of kill your sister and everything is hopeless and you take 200 years of brain damage. tragedy is GOOD, greg.

higuruma did enough, kusakabe did enough, let them sacrifice like choso! fights have a cost, greg, this goes with your theme of adult vs child responsibilities, GREG.

Gege actually had a lot of good character arc concepts imo, but because he is allergic to strong, definitive writing choices, he cheapened and undid some of those arcs, and that is disappointing. but I think when you look at gojo, geto, yuta, and (maybe hot take) mai, there's a great character writer hiding in there. he's just being held hostage by the worst storyboarding/planning you've ever seen in your life.

also yuuji shouldn't have been the mc, he is by far the least interesting main cast character of jjk, and I think a large part of why the last 20ish chapters were so... like that, is that gege wrote himself into a massive corner trying to make yuuji feel like an appropriate choice/power match for the final battle (and he still failed)

which, by the way, is crazy, because you could still do the same ending thematically without trying to powerlevel yuji with replacement training and all that bs. like, this is fantasy greg. if you were going to give yuuji a domain expansion anyway then his domain expansion can just be winning the battle through friendship lol

[selh0ve]

Hello!

I finally decided to write my thoughts about the game down! So here is my own "little" review, which is in fact quite long, and segmented in three parts, beginning with a general review, then my personal opinions on the LIs, and finally some more specific likes and dislikes.

Thanks in advance for reading 😘️

General Opinion

First off, the interface is refreshing, and I appreciate all the efforts put into it, although I admit it can be quite heavy, and therefore buggy (even without anything else running, on a good laptop). For this reason I'd like being able to disable some features (the animation of the transition between pages, for example, gives me a lot of troubles).

I like that Candy can have a more defined personality, and I also like how we can better understand the intention behind the answers now. No more "what? but that was not what I meant by choosing this"! For the new AP and gems system… I am still wary of it for now, and will see later if it is really as manageable as it seems. I also like sending hearts to other players, so even if they don't end up useful I'm still happy to have them I personally like the idle mini-games, and am quite curious about how the other game will be. I also think the calendar is a nice touch. And lastly, the jokers seem nice and promising, though I would have preferred having a stock-limit instead of them being temporary.

Story-wise, I like that things are going rather quickly for the beginning, and I trust they'll know when to slow things down later. I saw a few reviews saying these two first episodes felt punitive, and let me tell you… Yes. Amanda disliking me right of the bat on my first play was unexpected. So was Roy. And Devon. But I think it is kind of the point of starting a new game, we don't know their personalities yet, so it's quite normal to screw up when not using guides. But yeah, it was frustrating and Devenmentiel broke my heart.

The Love Interests

Jason is my favorite so far. Why you may ask? … I find him funny. The man is just having fun being an annoying bitch, and I absolutely love that for him! He also was one I had a quite good Lo'M with at my first play without even trying (rip Roy and Devon who did not appreciate), and it felt quite nice since things did not go so well with most of the other characters. And of course being the antagonist has its own ring, and in my taste the white streaks of hair too.

Amanda comes in the second place with Thomas. Even though my first play did not go well with her, I managed better on my second, and I quite like the relaxed Amanda.

For Thomas, he is the one I had the easiest time with on my first play, everything went smoothly and I found him pretty nice and relatable, though I do not plan on following his route.

Devon is the one I am the most neutral about I think, I don't particularly like or dislike him yet, though his route does intrigue me in a "Ah shit, here we go again" kind of way.

… Now, listen. I do not dislike Roy. He honestly seems like a great dolphin-loving guy who likes to be half-naked a lot and decided to dislike me when I was trying hard for him not to! He is just not my type. This is nothing personal, I swear! Joke aside, Roy is the one I like the least for now. And honestly, it is a shame, because I totally see why other people appreciate him. But the warningless half-nakedness happening twice summed to his for now unexplained short-patience with Jason really did not woo me, quite the opposite in fact.

Other things I like:

I find Candy's customization quite good! Whether it is for the illustrations, where you can choose between different skin colors, or for our profiles. Candy can also have disability aids (though no mobility aids yet) and a panel of skin features for really cheap, and you can not know how happy it makes me! There also are so much outfits from the beginning, and though many of them have to be paid with real money, Beemoov needs to be profitable, so I think it's rather fair (and hopefully, we'll be able to get those outfits through mini-games).

The music and the animation. I said it before and I'll say it again, I absolutely adored the theme switch when Jason appeared, and I also liked the creativity in the animation very much too. I can not wait for other such things to happen again.

Things I find too bad:

So far there has only been one character that is not thin (two if you count Danica who will show up later), and I regret that all of the men Love Interests are so fit. I can not tell you how down bad I would have been for a fat Devon or Roy (I get that Roy is the athletic type here, but you can be incredibly strong and not be skinny).

Amanda being rich was really emphasized, too much for my taste, on my first play it made me feel like being rich was her main personality trait, which made me uncomfortable. I would have preferred a more subtle way to express it (show don't tell amiright?).

I would have loved to see more not-conventionally-thought-as-attractive features in the LIs, like visible disabilities for example, or different noses, or scars, the kind of things that make the characters feel more real.

What I hope for later:

For the characters of color to be written like ones, with at least their cultures included in some aspects of the game. I understand Beemoov's wish to keep the game lighthearted, so I'd personally understand if they choose not to show racism in the game, but I would also hate that to be an excuse for ignoring the characters' cultures when addressing them would actually be relevant. Here is a better post about the matter.

More non-skinny characters.

Hopefully some in-game disability representation.

[ashpkat]

Do you still think TSM and TGT were bad? For me, The Silver Mask and The Golden Tower were so bad it felt like such a let down. I know it's kind of apropos of nothing to rant about a book series that finished 6 years ago but whatever. The new cover has made me dip my toe back into the water of the fandom.

The first two books of the series were like ride or die for me; they were just so incredible, I would read the Copper Gauntlet over and over and over and over again on repeat when I was younger because I was obsessed with that reveal scene where Cal reveals to Aaron and Tamara (was there another character with them? I lowkey forget, I haven't read these books in forever) that he was born with the soul of Constantine Maddon (or something akin to that) and that he had control over the chaos-ridden armies like oh my god peak literature. And the awkward boatride to the island after that was some of the most captivating YA I've ever read. The intrigue between Alastair and Cal and the reveal and the tension between the Masters and the Iron Trio like oh my god that made my younger self go absolutely feral over the series. I wasn't that big on the Bronze Key but I went feral over the ending with Cal in prison and Anastasia (that was her name right? I haven't read these books in 6 years) revealing that she was Constantine's mother and that she would set him free. Like I was so hyped for the Silver Mask.

And then it was just like. boring. I didn't like it all that much. I did end up enjoying it but I thought the ending with Alex turning into a chaos-ridden was stupid. Then I read the Golden Tower and was just. confused the entire time I read it. I was low-key just reading it to get to the ending. Then the Maugris reveal happened and I felt like it just cheapened the entire series.

And I just have to wonder like... what happened? How did these authors write such amazing stories for the first three books and the just have the quality drop precipitously.

Anyway thank you for writing good fanfic for this series.

yesss i still think TSM and TGT are awful and a complete let down!!! TSM had so much potential to be a very good book! they’re trapped with the villains; if they try to leave then call would likely be arrested again, if they stay then call is going to likely be forced into resurrecting aaron. and then they do like. absolutely nothing with it. it would’ve been a perfect time to develop alex’s character from a cartoonishly evil villain, a perfect time to expand on the constantine and first gen lore, and they just go: “what if we make the chaos ridden dance and then kill joseph (who, mind you, was quite literally there to be the main villain all along, corrupting and using young men’s grief to turn them into powerhouses for his selfish needs).” it was VERY stupid. i hate it so much. TGT was even worse because they brought alex back (further destroying the whole point of joseph as a character) and then completely disregarding the meaning of their own story by making MAUGRIS a thing.

i also agree that the bronze key was very mid and i can’t really recall the events of it as they all mesh together into one giant blob of mediocrity. prison ending was FIRE though, right after the alex reveal and aaron’s death (which again, was hardly ever discussed and you couldn’t even truly see the ramifications and his SURVIVORS GUILT in callums character except for a few lines. and also, HELLO??? my girl TAMARA??? her GUILT of having to choose one of her best friends to live?? that entire choice being summed up to “well i was in love with you, call” FOR NO REASON???? what was she turned into??? the entire plots of the last two books could’ve gone as they did without her, compared to the first three where she was an incredibly vital character. she’s just a pretty cardboard cut out in the last two. very aggravating.)

i stand by the ghost writer theory because of the plot holes were 10x worse in TGT and TSM