#felt like screaming this into the void

[burningallofmybridges]

being a transguy 🤝 buying boxers while listening to fleetwood mac

being audhd 🤝 buying a hooded blanket (!!!!!!) while listening to hozier

[hinamie]

doodles

[thechaoticfish]

i really love the idea of terms of endearment being food-themed in hobbit culture so hear me out

Bilbo referring to Thorin as his blueberry pie?? or literally anything with blueberry at this point, since, you know Thorin usually wears blue clothes, has blue eyes and is kind of associated with this beautiful dark blue colour

[kebriones]

Religion rant because I reached my actual limit today during family lunch:

Trying to have a normal discussion with my grandmother always ends up in a mess because of her religious beliefs. And that's in my opinion one of the worst aspects of religions like Christianity. People who actually deeply believe theirs is the only true and right faith, absolutely cannot accept other points of view, because to them they are objectively, factually wrong. So any attempt to make my grandmother understand a different point of view on literally anything fails, because she cannot, on a visceral level, accept other points of view, like I wouldn't be able to accept someone trying to tell me that the earth is flat. Because I know the earth isn't flat. And my grandma "knows", because she's a devout christian, that her faith is the only true faith and the only right path. So it's impossible, and I tried so, so hard today, to explain to her that other people might think differently, and that's fine and nobody is being harmed. But to her, not following the faith she thinks is the only right one, is a harm in and of itself. It's actually so damaging to her perception of the world, to her ability to act on that love christians are supposed to have, to her interpersonal relationships too. I don't particularly like my grandmother but I still care about people and I really wish she would break free of that but she's 88 years old and I don't think she will and it's heartbreaking.

[celestialudenburn7]

Pride month promo ig????

Hi everyone! I'm Veronica, but you can call me Vern! I'm a lesbian self shipper who uses she/her pronouns! (⁠づ⁠｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠づ

My two main f/os are Emma Magorobi from Super Danganronpa Another Two, and Mary Hughes from Fairy Tail!

I have two sideblogs, @emmamagorobisgirlfriend and @seasonfivebitchsaveme for my respective f/os.

Thank you so much for listening, and happy pride month!💕 I hope you all have a great day today! (⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ

[bbaked-beans]

content warnings: eyestrain, implied death and blood, be careful 💖

So @the-bitter-ocean and I had a conversation one time and it spawned into the creation of a comic (which has been in the works since the 7th of august)

Ocean did the lineart and composition and I did the colouring (and I fucked up the 7th panel ((sorry dude)) :3)

So, without further ado, here's our creation, gaze upon our work and weep:

(characters and inspiration from @comicaurora)

[mochiwrites]

being so honest I don’t understand how people can expect you to be doing things constantly every single day. I’m supposed to be on summer break but my university expects me to send in 80 sources for my senior thesis by next week

the very thought of doing school work right now makes me want to cry. I can’t even open a blank document and start writing for my own fics. I can’t even engage in my own hobby right now because I’m so mentally exhausted. how can you expect me to do thesis work? I’ve hardly had a break since finals

my personal life has been an ongoing shitshow since last summer. and has only gotten worse in recent months. how can you expect someone to function in society when you throw one thing after another at them?

I’m so tired and done. but I have no choice other than pushing through it because that’s what’s expected of me! that’s exhausting

[negative-speedforce]

Man moral compulsions are a bitch. The unbeatable urge to prove myself as a perfect paragon of normalcy and cleanliness.

I don't really talk about my mental health much, but this is really on my mind now.

I haven't been 'officially' diagnosed with OCD, since my insurance doesn't cover me to see an actual psychologist, but pretty much every mental health professional I've seen has been like, "Yeah, that's OCD." (no, I'm not really a cleanly person at all, that's not all it is)

Those posts that are like "Reblog if you aren't a pedo!" or "I'm blocking everyone who doesn't reblog this because they're saying they don't support trans people" are actually really, really bad. I've been getting better at ignoring stuff like that, but it actually makes me feel physically ill to not be seen as something 'clean', if that makes sense? Like when I scroll past those and tell myself they're just bait, I feel physically nauseous, and my brain is actively telling me that all my followers are gonna block me if I don't reblog that.

Most of my compulsions are based in morality. I'm assuming it has something to do with the fact that I was raised in a cult by an extremely controlling, abusive mother. I have to be perfect, I have to do it right the first time, I can't ever screw up or be problematic or not know or look away or not spread the word or-

I have to give of myself completely, while not sharing too much or else everyone's gonna know what a shitty person I really am, while not being dishonest, because dishonesty is going to catch up with you eventually and everyone's gonna see the real you and leave you and hate you.

It's exhausting.

It's like being trapped in a contant feedback loop. Say, cleaning your room, for instance. You never start, because you know if it's not perfect, someone's going to see how much of a filthy slob you are and not want to be around you anymore, so you let the mess pile up because you're terrified of starting something that you can't make absolutely perfect.

People say that it's just "oh lol I'm sooooooo OCD I love having a clean house!!!". No, this shit is fucking debilitating. watching every move you make, every step you take, just so you know you're doing it right, only to doubt yourself at every moment. Obsessing over tiny details, having full-on panic attacks if you don't get everything right the first time because you're genuinely terrified that the worst will happen if you don't.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that brains are bitches and you never know what people are going through.

[xskyll]

I just need to vent. Someone made a podfic of one of my fics a short while back. Yesterday, they told me they were monetizing their channel and asked permission to put ads on their podfic of my story. I'm very glad they asked permission, so I could say no, but all the same, I can't help but feel so angry. I would never go to someone and say, "Hey, do you mind if I make money reading aloud your story that you spent months and months slaving over, while you don't make a single cent? Do you mind if I throw ads on this thing you poured your soul into, turning your love letter to fandom into another cog in the capitalist money machine?" I just imagine someone listening to my description of Shouto fighting Bakugou and listening to him bare his soul about his toxic behaviors—I scene I tried to craft with such care—and just before Izuku kisses Shouto's black eye, an ad for a Kia plays.

Part of me is wondering if I'm overacting—I know some people would say, 'it's just fanfiction, calm down'—but a larger part of me is like, "The absolute gall! YOU making money using MY heart???"

[murderoushagthesequel]

you know, i talk a lot about how much i hate bartylus but you know what i need to talk about more? how much i ADORE platonic bartylus.

it comes through pretty clearly in my fics but if you just follow my tumblr and don't read anything from my ao3 it doesn't really come up so here is a very long rant about all my favorite things about their friendship (mostly headcanons) and some of this is pulled directly from my fics lol

so i fucking love regulus and barty's friendship. it's so incredibly special to me. i love that they love each other so dearly but they're also absolute menaces to each other. i love that when one of them is sad they're secretly really really soft but around other people they act like mortal enemies.

i love that they absolutely would help each other make people jealous (what can i say, a star for a summer's day was my first jegulus fic). i am very pro bartylus making out to make people jealous (i'm looking at you, halloween party from asfasd).

i love that they either despised each other at first sight or became instant friends and there is no in between. i love that they bond and joke over their family issues. i love that barty is really clingy and regulus pretends to hate it. i love that barty pretends to be grossed out by jegulus but secretly he's so so happy to see his best friend happy.

i love that barty and evan totally parent regulus and he hates it. i love that if regulus were an animagus he would make barty's life hell by biting and scratching him. i love that they actually have a lot in common and have conversations in the middle of the night excitedly talking and evan can't sleep. i love that regulus will infodump to barty and barty will listen to every word and make sure that regulus knows what he's saying is valuable.

i love that they taught each other what love means.

[ankhegs-in-my-salad]

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest.

My wonderful friend @tavyliasin made a lovely addition to this post about how important giving your friends positive feedback can be to people, specifically former gifted kids, and I wanted to chime in with my own addition but it got super long and wasn't even the original point of the post lmao so here I am.

Anyway, we got some awesome insight about how leaving your lovely feedback is especially beneficial to former gifted kids in the previous post. Under the cut - me rambling about why positive feedback means so much to me, the Chronically Mediocre Kid.

Growing up, I was always painfully mid. I worked my absolute ass off to get my passing grades, and I got them for the most part. I wasn't good enough to be told I was doing well and I wasn't bad enough to actually get any help. Got into uni by the skin of my teeth and my degree the same way. I was stuck in middle-of-the-road land and pretty much always have been, with the exception of one notable outlier in my late 20's.

Now, as the name would suggest, us Mediocre Kids are very easy to forget about. We're just kinda there, and there's a lot of us. The NPCs or the studio extras, filling out space in the background of the class.

So how does this tie into writing or art or fandom in general?

For myself, and probably a lot of other people like me, writing in fandom has been the first real time to get that positive validation beyond "congrats you passed! You achieved the bare minimum!" I didn't get it at school (the place where, upon telling my chemistry teacher that I wanted to study chemistry at uni, was told verbatim "but you have to be smart to study chemistry") and it certainly wasn't at uni (where I had to resit a year and where the defence of my dissertation started with the words "the first thing we hated about it was[...]").

God, looking back I wish I had started posting fan fic so much earlier. Yes, comments are few and far between but when you get them? Oh my god.

Now I want to preface this by saying - Yes, I know that "you shouldn't write for validation" and I absolutely don't. I've been writing since I could hold a pen and only started posting stuff for actual humans to read in October. Does my background sound like that of someone who expected to get validation from strangers online? You can bet your arse that isn't why I'm here. It was just an absolutely massive unexpected bonus.

Fan fiction sent me from "congrats on the bare minimum" to someone telling me my silly AO3 story was their favourite thing they'd ever read on that whole website.

Do you have any idea what that does to someone who has spent their whole life being "good enough"? "Fine"? "Passed"? I was never good or bad enough to receive attention. My performance always "unnoteworthy". And that was fine, I always told myself. Because, as mentioned above, I've always been doing stuff for me and me alone. I learned early there wasn't any point in doing it for anyone else. Do you know how it felt to have a complete stranger reach out to me through the Internet and tell me that something that I had done, something that I had created, had a profound effect upon them?

Folks, I fucking cried.

For someone like me, every single comment, kudos, tag, all of it, is incredibly special. Even a comment as simple as an emoji or "loved this". It puts a little piece into a void in me that I didn't even know was there. It makes me feel as though maybe, if I can make one person happy with my writing, bring someone that kind of joy, there is more to me than just "passing grade".

And let me tell you, I'm still not used to it. It's one of the most wonderful feelings. And if you feel it too, don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for "seeking validation" or whatever. We know that's not why we're here, but my goodness if it doesn't make a difference when we get it.

So, to anyone who has ever given kudos, made a comment, left a tag on a post, any of it - thank you. It means more than I think a lot of people could ever know.

[lonely-moon-artist-blog]

What do what do what do.

I gotta be honest I had ideas on what I should draw. I just like.. Woke up 3 hours before I usually post so I really couldn't pick one.

And I just drew this. To at least keep going.

Uhm.. Sorry.

I guess I really need a theme to be able to draw at least something that I consider good?

<Eh.. Maybe I'm just not in the mood again. Sorry.>

[spacedlexi]

[cherivinca]

i'm not planning on leaving tumblr unless the site itself just dies but ah, the prospect of it makes me sad. it's still 100% one of my coziest websites, i like how algorithms aren't at the forefront as much, and i've never been super into short-form video content as the core appeal (i like reading + scrolling at my own pace... haha)

this art blog is 11 years old! that's crazy. i'm just sad that no substitutes really seem to have taken hold. twitter is so bleak nowadays, i don't want to lose tumblr

[mechanoize]

"people are allowed to have their own opinions" I tell myself after ranting to my friend for 20 mins about 1 Tumblr post criticizing the only two characters ive drawn since I joined the tf fandom

[boyybites]

And while it's 3am and I have no filter and can remember, thank you all for the support you've shown me over the years, I really do appreciate it even if I don't say it often. I keep forgetting that yeah I should thank people for their kind words and support since I'm more or less not just posting into a void or for a little hobby like at the beginning of my whole art thing.

So yeah, thanks so much for all your support and kind words and just general everything, even to the people that like my stuff for years (literally remember you guys from the beginning of this tumblr art blog and I do excited seeing you in my notifs<3)