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barnesthesarge · 5 years ago

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Here For You (3)

Bucky X Enhanced!Reader

Summary: The Avengers have a new enhanced on their radar when they run into you during a HYDRA extraction mission.

Warnings: swearing, lots of time gaps lol

TAGLIST: @dreamyalienz

You watched the TV in absolute disbelief, your own face alongside Bucky’s was on the screen.

“Witnesses say that the woman had some sort of powers, and used them to injure the HYDRA agents. Speculation that this woman is the same one that Tony Stark rescued is currently unclear, we’ve reached out to Shield, but so far we’ve received no response. As you can see from the security footage, which is very graphic, she cuts an agent’s hand clean off. Many are wondering if the Winter Soldier And this new enhanced are on their own te—“ Bucky turned the TV off.

“That channel is garbage. Real big on hating the Avengers.” He plopped down beside you, “Don’t worry about this, I just talked to Tony and while you will have to sign some hefty paperwork, it’ll all be okay.”

“Bucky, this is bad.” He shook his head.

“No this is fine, who cares? You were on the news. It was a blurry shot.” You turned to face him.

“I care! How on earth am I supposed to hop around the world when everyone sees me as a dangerous Enhanced?!” You stood up and started pacing, “That’s it. I have to leave.”

“Woah woah doll, you’re going to burn a whole in the floor.” He put a hand on your shoulder and you pushed him by his chest away.

“Bucky I have to go. Please..I need you to do something for me.” His face fell.

“You can’t go doll, you need to sign the—“

“I need you to delete my file. Everything you have on me, I need to get rid of this.” You pulled the Stark Phone out of your pocket and set it on the table. “Please, Bucky..” He shook his head again.

“Y/N, they aren’t going to stop looking for you, and trust me, when they find you they won’t take you politely. They might go HYDRA style.” He grabbed your wrist and you pulled it away.

“Bucky, I don’t think you understand. I’m leaving, you won’t see me again, and you’ll tell them I’m going to hide back in London, tell them I have a safe house there. I can’t let them find me. They’re going to ruin everything.” You cupped his cheeks. “You have to promise me, delete my file, lie.”

“Let me go with you! I can take care of you, watch your back!” You shook your head.

“Bucky, it’s too risky. When I know it’s safe you’ll hear from me. Just promise me. I won’t tell anyone but you.” You paused, his eyebrows were knitted together, a frown etched on his face, “please.”

Bucky nodded, “I’ll delete what I can. If I do it all they’ll know. You promise I’ll hear from you?”

“When it’s safe Bucky.” You squeezed his hands, “thank you. I’ll talk to you soon.” And with that you went down the elevator and used the car Stark gave you, driving to the docks.

———————————————————————

You loved it in Spain. A year had passed and you loved it so much you never left. While you didn’t work, you had plenty of money under another name. It was easy to blend in, slipping between the chaotic streets, shopping in local markets. It was a new home. Every once in a while there would be a sighting of the rogue enhanced once known to associate with the Avengers, but you knew better now. You wore a mask, concealed your skin and hair, the only distinguishing detail being your purple powers.

Tonight another plane flew overhead and woke you up in a cold sweat, had the Avengers found you? Was that Tony? A swat team? The UN? It was always just a plane.

You got up and got dressed, heading out to the market for fresh fruit, staying within the ordinary. You windowshopped for a while, and then headed home, turning on the TV. You flipped to one of the only English News channel you had.

“Today marks one year of the enhanced that somehow slipped through the UN’s fingers. While there’s no clear image of her, there’s still hope that the Avengers, or anyone can step forward and reveal who she is. Tony Stark conducted a press conference earlier.”

“There’s been word that you’re able to track her, is that true Mr. Stark?” Tony stood at a podium, an indifferent look on his face.

“Don’t you think that if I could, I would? She’d be a great asset to the Avengers.” You blushed, Tony was lying for you. He could find you if he wanted.

“So in your time of helping her, you didn’t even get the enhanced’s name?” Another piped up.

“She gave me a fake name, we’ve already dig into it and the investigation hit a dead end.” He lied again.

“Why can’t you release an image of her face?” A woman shouted, a couple others talked over her as well.

“This is a UN and Shield case, and the enhanced is dangerous. I’m sure if she was confronted in public, there would be mass casualties. We would’ve already if we knew it was safe.” He paused, waiting for everyone to quiet down, “Besides she seems to be living peacefully and taking down suspects silently.”

The footage stopped and the news anchor was back, “we have the rest of the press conference on our website, now back to—“

You turned the TV off and moved to make dinner, settling on chicken and rice. Within the next 30 minutes you sat at your table and ate dinner, watching people walking home to their families.

You thought about Bucky a lot more than you’d like to admit. Sometimes you imagined what would’ve happened if you actually let him come with you. Right now he could be coming home to see you, and sitting down to eat with you. You felt stupid for thinking like this, in such short time you knew him, you fell for Bucky Barnes. The stupidest part was that he probably only found you to be a nuisance now. Dealing with the aftermath of your departure had to of done a number on him.

Without thinking much else, you moved to wash your dishes, thinking about the sad creases in Bucky’s forehead as you told him goodbye. It didn’t matter that he made you promise to reach out when it was safe, by now he would’ve moved on and changed his mind. You longed sometimes to go back and see what could be different if you stayed.

Later you were getting ready for bed, when you remembered something. You quickly raced into your bedroom and unscrewed the case on the light switch, pulling out a flip phone. You had a great idea.

The next morning you purchased another flip phone, filling up minutes on each phone. Then you put your phone number into one of the flip phones and prepared to send it, sending a quick text message to the other.

I believe it’s safe.

You grinned and turned the phone off, wrapping it neatly into a box, you put a bunch of stamps on the box, and addressed it to Bucky’s P.O. Box in the Avenger’s compound. To grab his attention, you put your first name in the corner. You raced to the post and sent the package, paying extra to have it sent right away.

But it it’d been a week, and you hadn’t received anything.

———————————————————————

Bucky hated being in public, Steve was starting to think maybe his anxiety was getting worse. It wasn’t like that. Bucky didn’t want to leave and miss a message from Y/N, it’d been a year, and she still hadn’t reached out, but maybe it was coming up.

“Bucky, you haven’t left the compound in weeks.” Steve had his signature worried face. “Do you want to talk about anything?”

“Steve, for the last time, I’m fine, I just need a break from all the stress.” He lied easily. “I’m gonna check my mail. Get my steps in.”

Bucky went to his P.O. Box, it was never as full as anyone else’s, but that was okay to him. It was weird to see a package, but it made it through screening, so it’s not like it was a bomb. Bucky picked up the white box, turning it over and gasping loudly. He quickly looked around and then grabbed the couple letters in the box and racing back up to his room. Bucky looked the door behind him, ignoring the slam.

Bucky used a knife to cut the tape and opened the box, unwrapping bubble wrap to reveal a flip phone. It was dead, so Bucky pulled the charger out and plugged it in, waiting not-so-patiently. When it turned on, there was a message notification from Y/N’s contact.

I believe it’s safe. Simple, cut right to the chase, classic Y/N.

I hope so Y/N, how are you? Bucky looked at her number and saw it had a foreign number. When he googled it on his other phone, it revealed she was in Spain.

There was a reply almost instantly, I’m doing good, you were right about how lonely being on the run is. I actually really miss having my Stark phone and having people to talk to whenever I needed it. How’s everything in NY?

I miss talking to you if I’m being honest. It’s not fair that you came into my life so abruptly and left just as quick )-: I wanted more time with you. I don’t like it here. It’s too crowded.

I don’t think it’s much safe for me to be on my own. My apartment doesn’t exactly have security. I’m sorry I had to leave Bucky, I didn’t want to leave a friend like that, but I wasn’t ready for “Avenger stuff” you sound just as lonely as me

Are you saying you want to be one now?

An Avenger? Hell no, but if it gets people off my back, I might bite. I hate having to hide now, I don’t know how I loved it for so long. Don’t get me wrong I love it here in Spain, having a normal life, but I’m lonely. It was nice feeling cared about. I watched Tony lie on TV about being able to find me and knowing anything about me, and honestly it fucked me up. I think I’m gonna come back.

Holy shit please do.

Wanna do me a favor and pass the knowledge of me coming back to Tony? I’m gonna take a boat from Spain so it’ll be a bit.

Yes doll, I will, I’ll see you soon.

———————————————————————

“Tony, hey, I’m sorry to barge in like this but—“ Bucky froze, Tony wasn’t alone. Rhodey got up from Tony’s office chair and chuckled.

“I’ll take my leave, Tony please consider, alright?” He left the room and shut the door gently, and Tony crossed his arms.

“You really don’t know how to knock?” He grumbled, Bucky frowned.

“I’m sorry, the door was open, I didn’t think it mattered. There’s something I needed to bring to your attention.” Tony crossed his arms and moved stuff aside on his desk to sit down.

“Is it about your arm? I don’t think the color is flattering either.” Tony sassed.

“It’s about Y/N.” Bucky mumbled, Tony perked up and looked around his office, holding up a finger to silence him.

“That’s still a stupid name for a fish Bucky. You’re wasting my time.” He beckoned Bucky to follow him, and dragged him into the elevator, talking about anything but Y/N. When they got into Tony’s car, he sighed.

“They bugged my office.” He rubbed his temples, “they don’t trust me about Y/N. They know I haven’t been honest.”

“She wants to be an Avenger now.” Bucky blurted, “I um, okay this is gonna sound crazy. Remember how she left under my watch? She didn’t attack me at all. I lied about that. She heard about having to sign the Accords and went nuts. She was getting hysterical—“

“She asked you to delete the file, didn’t she.”

“Yes, she asked me to delete the file and lead everyone on a wild-goose-chase in London. She told me that she would contact me when she knew it was safe.” Bucky confessed, Tony shook his head.

“Bucky, God’s sake, I can’t trust you with her. I can’t believe she convinced you to delete the file. Do you have any idea how much shit I got for having such a weak system that some random woman was able to hack it?!”

“I’m sorry Tony! I wanted to go with her, she just wants to be free and safe and she looked like a trapped animal, she was so antsy and upset. I like her a lot Tony, shit I’m falling for her. But she’s not mine, and I wouldn’t be the one to trap her.” He paused, “Look. Y/N sent me a flip phone in the mail with her number in it, I texted her for a bit and she said she wants to come back, and that she’s finally ready to join us.”

“Give me her number, actually no, give me the phone.” Tony demanded. Bucky pulled it out of his pocket and Tony opened it, scowling at the outdated device. He opened the contacts and started calling Y/N.

Within a couple rings, you answered, “Hey Bucky.”

“It’s Tony.” His voice was flat. “So you’re coming back?”

“Yes, I’ll come back. I’m sorry I left, it was stupid and immature, but I’m ready now.” Tony sighed.

“Look, Y/N, as soon as you get here, it’s not going to be fun. There’s a lot of shit we have to cleanup, I’ll send you a suit to pick you up tomorrow, there’s going to be officials from the UN who’re going to need you to sign stuff. I’ll have FRIDAY brief you on everything you need to say, otherwise Barnes and I are both looking at jail time, alright?”

“Yes of course, thank you Tony. Thank you for covering for me, I know it hasn’t been easy. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

He sighed again, “It will be nice to have you around Y/N. I’ll have a suit tomorrow, so be ready to leave in the morning. See you soon.” He hung up the phone and handed it back to Bucky. “Come on, we have a phone call to make.”

———————————————————————

As soon as you arrived to the Avengers compound, you had a collar placed around your neck, and you were pulled into what you believed to be Tony’s office. Around the room was UN officials, who did not look thrilled to see you. You were forced into a chair and recorded, your official statement of the last year.

Next you had to sign a million legal documents, given a strict set of rules, and you had your own copy of the Accords to read over to next week. Once everyone left, Tony took the collar off and apologized.

“Not everyone here thinks you want to be a good guy. You should’ve heard them.” He frowned, “as much as I don’t like them, its best you listen to their rules, otherwise you’ll be thrown in a prison in the middle of the ocean with a collar for the rest of your life.” He paused, “anyways, I have training set up for you for the rest of the day, so let’s go.” Tony dragged you to one of the basements with a coach.

While you didn’t mind your new training regimen, you hated having to do it two times a day, and the little time you actually had was spent reading the Accords. You hadn’t even seen Bucky and the date on your phone reminded you that you’d been here five days.

You unlocked your phone and sent Bucky a message, You busy right now?

The question is, are you? (-:

Not too busy for you (; come here

Aren’t you stuck reading the Accords all week?

Come read it to me lol

There was a knock on your door, you opened it and Bucky grinned ear to ear, “Hi Y/N.” You stepped aside and let him come in.

“Hi Bucky.” He bit his lip to try and hide how hard he was smiling, before you pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.” Bucky still wore the same cologne.

“For what?” He chuckled, burying his face in your neck, you giggled and moved away.

“For protecting me, from how I felt.” You paused, “Its so nice to finally see you again.”

Bucky sat down on your bed, and looked at whatever page of the Accords was open, he looked just as handsome as you remembered.

“You still need me to read this to you?” You grinned and grabbed the booklet, setting it on your nightstand.

“No Buck.” You sat beside him now, “I just wanted to see you.” He raised his eyebrows, “I’ve been here for almost a week and didn’t even get to see you, it just doesn’t seem right.”

“It hurts me too doll, trust me.” You felt your cheeks heat up, “I wasn’t kidding when I said I hadn’t gotten enough time with you. As soon as you finish this stupid reading assignment, let’s go out. Celebrate new beginnings. I hear that Tony has you on that god awful training regimen? It’ll be like that for two weeks and then you get normal training hours.”

“It’s horrible. I don’t get enough time. And that sounds wonderful, I would love to spend time with you.” Bucky stood up.

“Well, that’ll start when you finish this.” He gestured to the Accords, “And that won’t be anytime soon if you keep hanging out with me.”

You groaned, “Nooo don’t leave me with that thing!” Bucky laughed loudly, his smile was so contagious and you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life sharing it with him. Had you fallen in love with him?!

“Yeah yeah doll, I’ll see you soon once you finish it. Get to it.” He shared one last handsome smile before leaving the room.

You slumped back onto the bed, after spending an entire year away from Bucky, you had somehow fallen for him. Sometimes you’d go to the libraries in Spain just to look at the news of Bucky, to see if he’d done anything new. You’d even gone the lengths of buying newspapers that featured articles of him. You couldn’t imagine how he felt hearing nothing about you, other than the occasional solo mission you did. Thoughts of Bucky grounded you, it reminded you that someone in the world liked you for who you were, the someone who couldn’t stick to one place. Someone who didn’t want to tie you down and keep you, and someone who treated you as an equal. Bucky was an anchor, a reason to try and get better. Now you’d done the dumb thing of falling for him.

He didn’t feel the same way, you could tell.

———————————————————————

Bucky found it hard to stay away from you. He knew you finished reading the Accords, but now Tony had you doing all different kinds of tests. How strong you were, everything your powers could do, combat skills, mission strategies, and areas you needed to improve.

It went on for days, and Bucky was suffering knowing you were in the same building but you’d never been so far from his reach. He was shocked that somehow you both had a closer bond than before you left.

During the year you left, Bucky never went a day without wondering how you were doing, sometimes months went by without a sighting of you, and Bucky thought you were dead, or maybe HYDRA got you.

Everyday, Bucky thought about the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, how witty and strong you were, how endearing it was that you could intimidate everyone. Bucky loved how you were rough around the edges, and soft on the inside. He’d fallen for you ages ago, and now he was stuck with unreciprocated feelings.

At least he had you as a friend, right?

———————————————————————

You knocked on Bucky’s door, you heard him scuffle around in his room before the door opened, “Y/N!” He smiled and opened the door wider. You came inside, his room was simple and nice, with old decorations and old pictures up. “Are you finally available for me?” He teased, coming to stand next to you in front of an old picture of him and Steve with the Howling Commandos. “See something you like?” You rolled your eyes and elbowed his side.

He grunted, “Watch your mouth. Maybe I won’t spend the next couple free hours I have with you. I wonder if Wanda’s around?”

“No no! She’s with Vision, don’t be ridiculous!” He giggled and turned you by grabbing your arms, “I just got you backkkk.” He whined dramatically.

“That’s what I thought. Trust me I could definitely use the rest, but instead I’ll spend my time doing something better.” Bucky smirked.

“Doing something better? Did you mean someone?” He wiggled his eyebrows boyishly and you gasped.

“Okay that’s it I’m taking a nap!” You hollered.

“I take it back! It was a joke!” You giggled.

“It better’ve been, sicko. Hurry up and put on your shoes, you’re wasting our time.”

“Didn’t know I was that repulsive to you.” He fake sniffled and sat down on his bed to put his shoes on. You started back at the collection of photos.

You focused on one of Bucky and small Steve, Bucky had such a beautiful-full-of-life-smile. You knew at once why every girl in the 40’s fell for him. Maybe it was the same reasons you did.

“Do I look better with short hair or somethin’?” You jumped, realizing Bucky had somehow snuck up on you.

“I’m gonna put a bell on you if you’re gonna start sneaking around.” You threatened, he grinned.

“You didn’t answer my question, doll.” You shrugged and looked back at the picture.

“You look handsome either way Bucky.” His eyes widened, “can we go now?” He was blushing now and you felt your own cheeks heat up. “Bucky?”

He snapped out of the spell, “Yes, of course let’s go.” You followed him to the garage and he brought you to his motorcycle again. “Maybe this time you’ll actually get to enjoy the ride, huh?” He handed you a helmet.

He climbed on and you got on behind him, once he got the engine started, his hands went to the handlebars and yours went around his middle. He slowly left the garage and drove down the private road towards the city. Within fifteen minutes Bucky brought you to a nice restaurant, linking arms with you down the sidewalk. When you got to the table he pulled your seat out for you.

“Aren’t you a gentleman?” You teased as he sat down across from you.

“Only for you madam.” He winked and opened his menu, you rolled your eyes at him and opened your own.

“Have you eaten here before?” You asked and he shook his head no.

“A certain Spider-kid recommended it to me.” A waitress came by and asked for drink orders.

You looked around the restaurant decor, it was modern and niche, big windows surrounding the areas. “See somethin’ pretty?” He chuckled from across the table, “I know I do.” You met his eyes and he looked right at you, boldly smiling.

“What are you implying?” You bit the inside of your lip a little to hide that you liked when he flirted with you, he wasn’t supposed to know.

“I’m implying many things, Doll.” He said suggestively.

“Okay, shoot.” You replied.

“M’definitely implying that despite how nice this restaurant looks, you’re by far a much better view.” You raised both eyebrows.

“Is that so?” You chuckled nervously, “are you trying to flatter me into spending more time with you?”

“We both know I don’t have to bribe you to spend time with me.” Bucky looked smug, “I’m just being honest. Have the times changed where a man doesn’t compliment his date?” His face dropped, “Not date..I meant—friend.”

The waitress came and put drinks down and took food orders at the perfect time, you sipped on something fruity Bucky ordered for you quietly. “What kinds of things did I miss out on while I was gone?”

“Oh just a lot of small scale missions, nothing big.”

“No I mean just like fun things the team did.” You smiled at him, watching his brows furrow while he tried to come up with stuff.

“There was a nice Halloween party, Sam dressed up as me by wrapping tinfoil around his arm, I dressed as him by putting on fairy wings and sunglasses, we did secret Santa for Christmas, Tony and Steve helped host the New Year’s Eve party in Times Square...at one point most of the team went on a team bonding camping trip.” He shrugged, “April Fools was the worst, Clint and Natasha had a prank war and just about everyone participated, it was like a civil war.”

You giggled, “I feel stupid for running away. Really really stupid. I was so scared to be part of something like that, but now it just sounds so—nice.”

“Don’t feel bad about running away from things that scare you, I do it all the time. It’s just something we gotta work on, doll.” You frowned.

“What’s with the nickname? Is that an insult?” You questioned and Bucky’s jaw dropped.

“I—no! Uhh, it’s just a term of endearment.” You grinned at him.

“Alright and mine for you will be..” you thought for a moment, “Ah, Fucky.”

“Thanks Y/N.”

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#bucky barnes #james barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #marvel #mcu #bucky imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x you #fanfiction #the winter soldier x reader #winter soldier #the winter soldier

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myavocadoisonfire-blog · 7 years ago

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I went on a few websites and found good material to spam your friends with, here’s the list so far

(ง ° ل͜ °)ง ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɴsᴇᴇɴ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟɪᴇsᴛ (ง ° ل͜ °)ง ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ RAISE YOUR DONGERS ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ (ง ° ʖ °)ง ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴏᴅs (ง ° ʖ °)ง (ง •̀_•́)ง ʏᴇᴀʜ sᴘᴀᴍ ɪᴛ! (ง •̀_•́)ง ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ As I ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴜʀᴀɪ sᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ sᴛᴏᴍᴀᴄʜ ᴀs I ᴡᴀs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ sᴜᴅᴏᴋᴜ, I ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴘʟᴀʏ Cᴀsᴜᴀʟsᴛᴏɴᴇ... I ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ Kʀɪᴘ ᴡᴀs Nᴏʟɪғᴇ... ɴᴏᴡ I ᴀᴍ Nᴏʟɪғᴇ...ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʙʏᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ )/ appears as: )/ // appears as: // (╭ರ_•́)\ Mr. Fors we politely ask for the program 'Plug-Dj" to be used in this live broadcast for alas we will stir up a ruckus (╭ರ_•́) ▄▄▄▀▀▀▄▄███▄ ░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░░░░▐░▀██▌ ░░░▄▀░░░░▄▄███░▌▀▀░▀█ ░░▄█░░▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▐░░░░█▌ ░▐█▀▄▀▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▌░░░░░▐█▄ ░▌▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄ ░░░░░le░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄ ░░░░toucan░░░░░░▀▄░░░▐██████████████▄ ░░░░░░has░░░░░░░░▀▄▄████████████████▄ ░░░░░arrived░░░░░░░░░░░░█▀██████ (̿▀̿ Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ )̄ ɴᴀᴍᴇ's ᴅᴏɴɢ. ᴊᴀᴍᴇs ᴅᴏɴɢ (̿▀̿ Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ )̄ (ง ° ل͜ °)ง I have been training since before I was born, and today is the day. Today is the day I spam. (ง ° ل͜ °)ง ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽YOU CAME TO THE WRONG DONGERHOOD༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ YOU PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽ YOU COPERINO FRAPPUCCIONO PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽ ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽You either die a DONG, or live long enough to become the DONGER༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ YOU ARRIVED IN THE INCORRECT DONGERHOOD, SIR༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ ( ° ʖ ° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ clickty clack clickty clack with this chant I summon spam to the chat ( ° ʖ ° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ. ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ, ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ, ғᴀsᴛᴇʀ, ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ .ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ ヽ(◉◡◔)ﾉ I'M LOL FAN AND I HAVE DOWN SYNDROME ヽ(◉◡◔)ﾉ (ง ° ل͜ °)ง ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ, ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴇᴍʏ (ง ° ل͜ °)ง (ง ° ل͜ °)ง LET ME DEMONSTRATE DONGER DIPLOMACY (ง ° ل͜ °)ง (\ ( ° ل͜ °) /) OUR DONGERS ARE RAZOR SHARP (\ ( ° ل͜ °) /) ヽ༼◥▶ل͜◀◤༽ﾉ RO RO RAISE YOUR DONGERS ヽ༼◥▶ل͜◀◤༽ﾉ ̿̿ '̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ༽=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ [} ^ Stop right there criminal scum! no one RIOTs on my watch. I'm confiscating your goods. now pay your fine, or it's off to jail. ̿̿ '̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ༽ YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR BEING CASUAL. COME OUT WITH YOUR DONGERS RAISED '̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ༽ (ง'̀-'́)ง ＤＯＮＧＯＲＤＩＥ (ง'̀-'́)ง ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ raise your dongers ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ VOICE OF AN ANGEL ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ LETS GET DONGERATED ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ RAISE YOUR BARNO ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ "I have a dong" ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ - Martin Luther King Jr. ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ OJ poured and candle lit, with this chant i summon Kripp ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ ☑ OJ poured ☑ Candle lit ☑ Summoning the Kripp ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉヽ༼ຈل͜O༽ﾉ ʀᴀɪs ᴜʀ ᴅᴀɢᴇʀᴏ ヽ༼ຈل͜___ຈ༽ﾉ (ง ° ʖ °)งSuccubus release Kripp or taste our rage(ง ° ʖ °)ง ノ(ಠ_ಠノ ) ʟᴏᴡᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ノ(ಠ_ಠノ) ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ﾉ HOIST THY DONGERS ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ﾉヽ( ° ʖ °)ﾉ Kripp you are kinda like my dad, except you're always there for me. ヽ( ° ʖ °)ﾉ █▄༼ຈل͜ຈ༽▄█ yeah i work out ༼ ºل͟º ༽ I AM A DONG ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ༼ ºل͟º༽ I DIDN'T CHOOSE THE DONGLIFE, THE DONGLIFE CHOSE ME ༼ ºل͟º༽ ༼ ºل͟º༽ NO ONE CARED WHO I WAS UNTIL I PUT ON THE DONG ༼ ºل͟º༽ ༼ ºººººل͟ººººº ༽ I AM SUPER DONG ༼ ºººººل͟ººººº ༽ ┌∩┐༼ ºل͟º ༽┌∩┐ SUCK MY DONGER ┌∩┐༼ ºل͟º ༽┌∩┐ ζ༼Ɵ͆ل͜Ɵ͆༽ᶘ FINALLY A REAL DONG ζ༼Ɵ͆ل͜Ɵ͆༽ᶘ <ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀᴇᴅ> ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ﾉIS THAT A DONGER IN YOUR POCKET?ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ﾉ ༼ ■ل͜ ■༽ OPPA DONGER STYLE ༼ ■ل͜ ■༽ ( ° ʖ °) REGI OP ( ° ʖ °) (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ )̄ IM DONG,JAMES DONG (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ )̄ (ง⌐□ل͜□)ง WOULD YOU HIT A DONGER WITH GLASSES (ง⌐□ل͜□)ง ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ CUDDLE UR DONGERS ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) let me hold your donger for a while ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ง MY RIGHT DONG IS ALOT STRONGER THAN MY LEFT ONE ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ง (✌ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ May the DONG be with you! ☚(ﾟヮﾟ☚) (⌐■_■)=/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿̿̿ ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ Keep Your Dongers Where i Can See Them ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ° ʖ °)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ DUDE̿̿ '̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ° ʖ °)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ PLEASE NO COPY PASTERONI MACORONI DONGERIN ( ° ʖ͡°) Mom always said my donger was big for my age ( ° ʖ͡°) (/ﾟДﾟ)/ WE WANT SPELUNKY (/ﾟДﾟ)/ ─=≡Σ((( つ◕ل͜◕)つ sᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴅᴏɴɢ (✌ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ POINT ME TO THE DONGERS (✌ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ ᕙ( ^ₒ^ c) 〇〇〇〇ᗩᗩᗩᗩᕼᕼ ᕙ( ^ₒ^ c) ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ ArcheAge or BEES ヽ̛͟͢༼͝ຈ͢͠لຈ҉̛༽̨҉҉ﾉ̨ ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ MRGLRLRLR ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉITS A HARD DONG LIFE ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉMOLLYヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ ༼ つ ຈل͜ຈ ༽つ GIVE MOLLY ༼ つ ຈل͜ຈ ༽つ †ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ† By the power of donger I summon MOLLY †ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ† ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉTAKING A DUMPヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ WHAT DOESNT KILL ME ONLY MAKES ME DONGER ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ FOREVER DONG ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ° ʖ °̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] Mo' money, mo' Dongers [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ° ʖ °̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] ༼ᕗຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ Drop Bows on 'em ༼ᕗຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ Ѱζ༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽ᶘѰ HIT IT WITH THE FORK Ѱζ༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽ᶘѰ Ψ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽Ψ hit it with the fork Ψ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽Ψ (∩ ° ʖ °)⊃━☆ﾟ. * ・｡ﾟ Copypastus Totalus!! ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ༼ຈ ل͜ຈ༽ﾉ☂ ɪᴛs ʀᴀɪɴɪɴɢ sᴀʟᴛ! ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ☂ ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ、ヽヽ｀ヽ

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄██████▄ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄████████████▄ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄██████████████████ ▒▒▒▄████▀▀▀██▀██▌███▀▀▀████ ▒▒▐▀████▌▀██▌▀▐█▌████▌█████▌ ▒▒█▒▒▀██▀▀▐█▐█▌█▌▀▀██▌██████ ▒▒█▒▒▒▒████████████████████▌ ▒▒▒▌▒▒▒▒█████░░░░░░░██████▀ ▒▒▒▀▄▓▓▓▒███░░░░░░█████▀▀ ▒▒▒▒▀░▓▓▒▐█████████▀▀▒ ▒▒▒▒▒░░▒▒▐█████▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒░░░░░▀▀▀▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒░░░░░░░░▒▒ ░░░░░░░░░░▐▌░░░░░░░░░░░▄ ▄▄░░░░░░░▄▄▄▄░░░░▌▄▄▄▄▄░░░░░▐▌ ▒▀█▌░░░▐▀▀▄▄▐▌▒░░▒▀▒▄▒█▄░░░░▐▌ ░░▀█▒░░▓░░█▐█▌▌░░▒░▐▌█▌▐▌░░▐▌ ░░░░░░▓▀░░▒▐▀▄▀▀▀▀▒▒▀▀░░▀▌▒▀░░ ░░░░░░▌░░░░░░▀▄▄▄▄▀░░░░░░▌░░░░ ░░░░░▄▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▒░░░░ 　　　　　　　　　　　　 ∧__∧ 　　　　　　　　　　　　( ° ʖ °) 　　　　　　　　　　　 ⊂　　つ　　　　　　　　　　　　 (つﾉ　　　　　　　　　　　　　 (ノ　　　　　＼　　　　　　☆ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　|　　　　　☆ 　　　　　　　　　　(⌒ ⌒ヽ　　　/ 　　　　＼　　（´⌒　　⌒　　⌒ヾ　　　／　　　　　（’⌒　;　⌒　　　::⌒　　）　　　　　（´　　　　　）　　　　　:::　）　／　　☆─　（´⌒;:　　　　::⌒`）　:;　　）　　　　　（⌒::　　　::　　　　　::⌒　）　　　／　（　　　　ゝ　　ヾ　丶　　ソ　─

Hello guys, I'm back from my 600 seconds timeout. During that time I was able to finish my 200 words essay on the topic of Nazi Germany. My thesis is that Hitler & Nazi beliefs are carried on by twitch tv Nazi moderators who like to act as if they themselves were literally Hitler. I think I should score at least 90 out of 100 points for that paper. Tᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴅᴇᴠᴀsᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴛᴏ ᴜɴɪᴛᴇ ᴀʟʟ sᴘᴀᴍᴍᴇʀs ᴡɪᴛʜɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴠɪʟ ᴏғ Tʀᴜᴍᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴏᴅs. ᴛᴏ ᴇxᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴏᴜʀ sᴘᴀᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀs ᴀʙᴏᴠᴇ. ᴄᴏᴘʏ! ᴘᴀsᴛᴇ! ᴄʜᴀᴛ sᴘᴀᴍ ʙʟᴀsᴛ ᴏғғ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴘᴇᴇᴅ ᴏғ ʟɪɢʜᴛ! sᴜʀʀᴇɴᴅᴇʀ ᴍᴏᴅs ᴏʀ ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ғɪɢʜᴛ. Hᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, ᴛʜɪs ɪs Zᴇᴜs, Gᴏᴅ ᴏғ Oʟʏᴍᴘᴜs. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ɪɴғᴏʀᴍᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴍʏ sᴇʀᴠᴀɴᴛs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴅɪsɢʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʜᴏʟʏ ʟᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟɴᴇss. Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ two ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴅᴀʏs ᴛᴏ sᴜᴍᴍᴏɴ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀʀᴅᴄᴏʀᴇ ʀᴏᴏᴛs ᴏʀ ᴇʟsᴇ I'ᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴɴɪʜɪʟᴀᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴀɴᴀᴅɪᴀɴ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍʏ +25% ᴅᴍɢ ᴛᴏ ʟɪɢʜᴛɴɪɴɢ sᴋɪʟʟ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀʏᴏʀ ᴏғ ᴄᴀɴᴀᴅᴀʟᴀɴᴅ. ᴡᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴍʏ sᴏɴ, ᴇᴠᴇʀ sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴇғᴛ ᴜs ᴏᴜʀ sᴀʟᴛ ᴍɪɴᴇs ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴅʀʏ. ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ɪs ᴘʀᴏᴠɪᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴘᴏᴏʀ ʜᴀʀᴅ-ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴀʙʟᴇ sᴀʟᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴅᴀɪʟʏ ᴍᴇᴀʟs. ᴡᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀɴ When a girl gets a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when Kripparian orders a 240v Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blow up latex doll with 6 speed pulsating ***, elasticised anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system...he's called a pervert! I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding. Hey Hosty, I've got some bad news." says Amaz to Hosty. "But I wasn't ghosting I swear!" he replies, sweating heavily. "It's alright, I won't fire you, as long as you do something for me." Hosty knows what Amaz wants. He bends over and lets Amaz have his way. Afterwards, as he cries on the bed, Amaz whispers in his ear, "I lied. You're fired. Months have passed. Hosty has lost everything. "I wish I never ghosted" says a heavily drunk Hosty as he notices a dark figure behind him."I can give you your life back as long as you do something for me" says Amaz. Hosty knowing what Amaz wants bends over and lets him have his way. Afterwards as he cries on bed, Amaz whispers in his ear "I lied. Again""// ☑ “This guy's deck is CRAZY!” ☑ “My deck can't win against a deck like that” ☑ "He NEEDED precisely those two cards to win" ☑ “He topdecked the only card that could beat me” ☑ "He had the perfect cards" ☑ “There was nothing I could do” ☑ “I played that perfectly” ☑ “This gentleman's deck is ABSURD!” ☑ “My deck cannot hope to prevail against a deck of that caliber” ☑ "He REQUIRED those two cards in subsequent order to succeed" ☑ “He extracted from his deck the only cards capable of defeating me” ☑ "His cards defied logic" ☑ “There was no manoeuvre at my disposal to secure victory” ☑ “I played impeccably” “This guy's salt is CRAZY!” ☑ “My potassium nitrate can't win against a sodium chloride like that” ☑ "He NEEDED precisely those two elements to win" ☑ “He SPRINKLED the only salt that could beat me” ☑ "He had the PERFECT shaker" ☑ “There was nothing I could do” ☑ “I mined that perfectly" What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now, lad. What filth dared pass your unworthy lips, pitiful urchin? I will declare, am the heir of the Elders, I have led our people out of tragedy single-handed, and I have destroyed over 300 white demons. I am learned in the arts of the earth and sky, and none are more connected to the Great Spirit than I! You are but nothing to me, prey. I will have your head hollowed for a gourde, my word is sacred! Do you think your magic will allow you to continue to disrespect me like this? Think again, dog! Even as you stand, my brothers from across the land are circling your home and your sacred place is being hunted right now, so prepare for the onslaught, rat. The onslaught that will decimate your very way of life from your people's history. You are a breathing ghost, child. I can move as I please, night or day, and I can steal your breath in over seven hundred ways, without so much as a knife. Not only am I a warrior-king's son, but I have the loyalty of my entire tribe and I will rather laugh than hesitate at wiping your hide out of this world, little dog. If only you had known what torrents your gibberish would bring upon, you would have kept silent. But you could not, you did not, and now the price will be yours to pay, backwards fool. I will spread fury like droppings until it consumes you, and you drown in its depths. You are a memory, boy. You think this takes concentration? Try healing in World of Warcraft after someone in the group just feared the entire room and the stupid death knight has stolen all the aggro from the tank, all whilst trying to reach deep into the bag for the extra cheesy dorritos. Now THAT is a skill. This is just a bunch of tap dancing in tight clothes with a room full of genelemen looking intently at you.. uhh no thanks. Ill take the fame of being the #1 ranked healer in all of Azeroth. H ＥＬＬＯＡＭ４８ＹＥＡＲＭＡＮＦＲＯＭＳＯＭＡＬＩＡ．ＳＯＲＲＹＦＯＲＢＡＤＥＮＧＬＡＮＤ．ＩＳＥＬＬＥＤＭＹＷＩＦＥＦＯＲＩＮＴＥＲＮＥＴＣＯＮＮＥＣＴＩＯＮＦＯＲＰＬＡＹ＂ｈｅａｒｔｈｓｔｏｎｅ＂ＡＮＤＩＷＡＮＴＴＯＢＥＣＯＭＥＴＨＥＧＯＯＤＥＳＴＰＬＡＹＥＲＬＩＫＥＹO U Gr8 b8, m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8, I'm str8 ir8. Cre8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8, my number is 8888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don't hesit8 So today i was in the supermarket going to buy some cheese for the next week before the stores close, got 8 packages of finest Dutch. When i was waiting in line to pay for it a gentleman in front of me collapsed, his wife looked at us and said "He has Hypoglycemia, someone please bring something that contains sugar!!". I immediately ran to the sweets section, after only 1 minute of choosing since i was in a hurry, i went with ice-cream snickers bar and ran back to the register, with my trembling hands i got rid of the plastic cover, i leaned to the old gentleman, when he turned to me: "I know you..." he said "you are that guy from Twitch... Keep it, you need it more with all that salt..." ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ As I ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴜʀᴀɪ sᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ sᴛᴏᴍᴀᴄʜ ᴀs I ᴡᴀs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ sᴜᴅᴏᴋᴜ, I ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴘʟᴀʏ Cᴀsᴜᴀʟsᴛᴏɴᴇ... I ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ Kʀɪᴘ ᴡᴀs Nᴏʟɪғᴇ... ɴᴏᴡ I ᴀᴍ Nᴏʟɪғᴇ...ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʙʏᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ Guys can you please not spam the chat.? My mom bought me this new laptop and it gets really hot when the chat is being spammed. Now my leg is starting to hurt because it is getting so hot. Please, if you don't want me to get burned, then dont spam the chat @1fow1 Dear 1FOW1 I hate you not only that but you are annoying but last your contant is super lame. you are just tricking peope with your peppy fake smile. you are some azazel inn my eyes. makeing peopel think thst some charecters in this game are good i don't play sm4sh as much because of stupid peopele like you.thinking that all charecters have potentail and diddy is the best. no, people need to relize good tactics unllke yours. To be Frank with you i will never watch your idiotic streams evr again. Maybe his long Journey away from the evil drug that is Hearthstone has brought moral clarity to his life. Kripp rises up and breaks away from the shackles the succubus has locked Kripp in. Papaparrian holds the key and sets Kripp's mind free. He swears to never go back to Greece or play Hearthstone ever again. Kripp moves back in with Papa and finally gets his OJ sponsorship. The beautifully creamy wall is vibrant as Kripp uploads his newest video in the old wonderland. "Hey guys how's it going, Kripparian here." Kripp starts up PoE again in anticipation of the new expansion being released, theory crafting builds. He is happy and filled with life each day of streaming. All is then right with the world. You think this takes concentration? Try healing in World of Warcraft after someone in the group just feared the entire room and the stupid death knight has stolen all the aggro from the tank, all whilst trying to reach deep into the bag for the extra cheesy dorritos. Now THAT is a skill. This is just a bunch of tap dancing in tight clothes with a room full of genelemen looking intently at you.. uhh no thanks. Ill take the fame of being the #1 ranked healer in all of Azeroth. I was in line at the supermarket when a guy in front of me collapsed, his wife shouted "He has Hypoglycemia, bring something with sugar!". I ran to the sweets section, grabbed some snickers and gave them to him, and he said: "I know you, you are that guy from Twitch. Keep it, you need it more with all that salt" I am a muricunt born in america, the land of the fat and the free. I am proud of my awful education, horrible medical care, terrible society and religious gunwielding fanatics. With my natural 260 lbs, please stop talking trash about my mediocre country which is a collection of all the human scum EU and Asia dumped a few hundred years ago. ( ° ʖ °) Every 60 seconds in Brazil, Germany scores a goal. Together we can stop this. Please spread the word ( ° ʖ °) ☐ Not REKT ☑ REKT ☑ REKTangle ☑ SHREKT ☑ REKT-it Ralph ☑ Total REKTall ☑ The Lord of the REKT ☑ The Usual SusREKTs ☑ North by NorthREKT ☑ REKT to the Future ☑ Once Upon a Time in the REKT ☑ The Good, the Bad, and the REKT ☑ LawREKT of Arabia ☑ Tyrannosaurus REKT ☑ eREKTile dysfunction Hello Kripparino, this is Noah Liferino, CEO of No Life Incorporated©. As you may already know, we are requiring you to change your Twitch name to hl_kripp (has life) as you no longer are a "no life". This was stated in the contract you signed under section 6 article 9 paragraph 420. This is to be enforced immediately. I owe my life to Deficio. I got in a horrible car crash and I was in a coma for 6 months. One day my nurse walked in and change the twitch channel to the EU LCS and I heard Deficio casting. I awoke from my coma, got up and turned that sh!t off. The stream starts, and so my spam begins. It shall not end until i am banned. I shall fear no mod, sub to no streamer. I shall live and die in the Chat. For i am the value in the bomber. I am the BM in the lethal. I am the salt in the defeat. I pledge my keyboard to the Chat, for this stream and all the streams to come What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. ° ☾ ☆ ¸. ¸ 　★　 :.　 . • ○ ° ★　 .　　.　.　　¸ .　　 ° 　¸. * ● ¸ .　...somewhere　　　° ☾ ° 　¸. ● ¸ .　　★　° :.　 . • ° 　 .　 *　:.　.in a parallel universe ● ¸ 　　　　° ☾ °☆ 　. * ¸.　　　★　★ ° . .　　　　.　☾ °☆ 　. * ● Kripparrian isn't a casual...° ☾　★ °● ¸ .　　　★　° :.　 . • ○ ° ★ Hey Kripp, Asian Dude from Heartharena here. We've noticed you've been away from our website for a long time. Is it the Classic Aggro? We've adjusted our tier list to your more Classic Greed style. Please come back. Best regards, Classic Asian Dude from Heartharena forgive english, i am Russia.i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss. ↓ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵍᵘʸ↓ ↑ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵒᵒ ↑ I'm currently on summer break from uni, and I don't have a job ( Hard to get when you have a criminal record, don't ask). So instead, I've been playing about 6-12 hours of CSGO a day. This week is like my 5th week of doing this. Now, I'm sure all of us here don't think that this is detrimental to your health, but last night I had a dream I was in game in CSGO. I dont remember what it was about exactly, but I woke up in a frenzy and i shouted IM CT NOT T. I assume I was stuck on T forever on Nuke. I also was playing hide and seek with my baby brother, only to find that I was jiggle peeking corners in real life. I have this crosshair burned into my vision that Im constantly lining up at headshot level. My friends wanted to go out and get pissed today on straya day, however I informed them that I have to get my smurf out of nova 1. The question is, have I taken it too far? I do not know. Have I been playing too much csgo? ＨｅｌｌｏＫｒｉｐｐ，ＭｏｔｏｒｂｉｋｅＧｕｙｈｅｒｅ．Ｊｕｓｔｗａｎｔｅｄｔｏｓａｙ： ♩♬～♪ ＶＲＯＯＯＯＭ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＶＲＯＯＯＯＭ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＶＲＯＯＯＯＭＵ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＶＲＯＯＯＯＭ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＶＲＯＯＯＯＭ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＶＲＯＯＯＯＭ ᴴᵉᶫᶫᵒ, ᶦᵗ ᶦˢ ᵐᵉ ᴰᵒᶰᵍᵉʳᶦᶰᵒ ᴹᵃᶜᵃʳᵒᶰᶦ, ᴾʳᵉˢᶦᵈᵉᶰᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵒᵖʸ ᴾᵃˢᵗᵃ ᴵᶰᵈᵘˢᵗʳᶦᵉˢ⋅ ᵂᵉ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ʳᵉᶜᵉᶦᵛᵉᵈ ᵐᵃᶰʸ ᶜᵒᵐᵖᶫᵃᶦᶰᵗˢ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ʸᵒᵘʳ ˢᵗʳᵉᵃᵐ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶫᵃᶜᵏ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵒᵖʸ ᵖᵃˢᵗᵃ ᵖʳᵒᵈᵘᶜᵗˢ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶜʰᵃᵗ ᶦˢ ᵘˢᶦᶰᵍ⋅ ᴬˢ ʸᵒᵘʳ ˢᵖᵒᶰˢᵒʳ, ʷᵉ ˢᵘᵍᵍᵉˢᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵘᵖᵖᶫʸ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶜʰᵃᵗ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐᵒʳᵉ 's ᵒʳ ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽'s ᵗᵒ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶜʰᵃᵗ ᵘᵖ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃᶰʸ ˢᵗᵃᶰᵈᵃʳᵈˢ⋅ ᵀʰᵃᶰᵏ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ⋅ Me and a clay man I made are in love. Greek clay is named after "plastelini" so I call my new boyfriend plastelino. I baked him so his clay penis will always be hard. I know he understands me because when I tell him my problems he sits fearless, calm and silent and listens to me. Then we fuck. I am happy at last I found true love. Please dont copy plastelino. I like to raise my Donger I do it all the time ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ and every time its lowered┌༼ຈل͜ຈ༽┐ I cry and start to whine ┌༼@ل͜@༽┐But never need to worry ༼ ºل͟º༽ my Donger's staying strong ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉA Donger saved is a Donger earned so sing the Donger song! ᕦ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕤ ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ༽Hello, my name is Juan Pastoroni, CEO of Copy Pasta Industries. I'd like to let you know that we've just gained copyrights on a lot of copy pastas seen in this chat. If you are using them right now, please refrain from doing so, or risk being fined under copyright infringement. Thank you, and don't be funny and copy and paste this. This is business, kid.༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ༽ Hello "Kripparrian" i am 48 year man from somalia. Sorry for my bed england. I selled my wife for internet connection for play "Hearth of stone" and i want to become the goodest player like you, After weeks of playing i finally defeated the first boss honker. pls no copy pasterino my story. qtpie, this is your dad here. i just wanted to say how proud of you i am son, always hiding in your room playing your video games, talking to your internet friends. your mom and i think that's well and we just wanted to let you know we love you. pls no copy dadderino Here's the thing. You said a "trilby is a fedora." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is an atheist who studies euphoria, I am telling you, specifically, in atheism, no one calls trilbys fedoras. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you should too. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "fedora family" you're referring to the euphoric grouping of le reddit army, which includes things from neckbearded gentlesirs to highly intelligent intellectual like Smoke Degrasse Tyson, Reddit's Chief Supreme Ambassador of atheism and logic, and myself, the Deputy of Science and Crows. So your reasoning for calling a trilby a fedora is because random people "say that only neckbeards wear fedoras?" Let's get Mountain Dew and Doritos in there, then, too. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know? So I went to a Strip Club in Greece the other night and guess who i saw there. It was the Kripp with hundreds of 5 dollar bills. So the Stripper goes in a hot pose, Kripp smiles and pours himself a glass of OJ. Kripp said "Welcome to the 5 Dollar Club" and they went into a private room. Not sure what happened then but i guess he gave her a brofist. What the fuck did you just fucking call a crow, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Corvidae Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous research trips on crows, and I have counted over 300 birds on them. I am trained in avian warfare and I’m the top biologist in all of reddit. You are nothing to me but just another redditor. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this website, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with calling a jackdaw a crow on the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of crows across the USA and your profile is being traced right now so you better prepare for the downvotes, maggot. The brigade that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your karma. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can downvote you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my 5 alternate accounts. Not only am I extensively trained in biology, but I have access to the entire gold reserves of reddit and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Γεια σας παιδιά. Eπέστρεψα από τα 600 δευτερόλεπτα ban μου. Σε αυτή την ώρα κατάφερα να τελειώσω την έκθεση μου σχετικά με την Ναζιστική Γερμάνια. Η άποψη μου είναι ότι τα πιστεύω του Χίτλερ και των Ναζιστών βρίσκουν συνέχεια από τους Moderators αυτού του chat που πράττουν σαν να είναι κυριολεκτικά ο Χίτλερ. Πιστεύω ότι θα πάρω τουλάχιστον 90 από τους 100 πόντους για αυτή την έκθεση. Παρακαλώ όχι αντιγραφή-επικόλληση.

#I'm sorry if this broke your computer #spam #list #copypastas #copypasta #memes #meme #dank meme #dankmemes #dank memees #STOP IT KEYBOARD #dank memes #THANK FuCKING GOD FINALLY

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aftgonice · 7 years ago

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I thought this was going in my drafts but look at me I’m actually doing a tag wow

was tagged by: @meimagino, @kymbawee, @yourplisetsky thank you ❤️❤️

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

LAST…

Drink: water

Phone call: my grandma I think

Text message: my BF

Song you listened to: Missing you - All time low

Time you cried: last night

HAVE YOU…

Dated someone twice: no

Kissed someone and regretted it: no

Been cheated on: not to my knowledge

Lost someone special: yes

Been depressed: not in the clinical sense

Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, drunk a few times but drunk-and-thrown-up twice and I don’t recommend

Made new friends: yes

Fallen out of love: I mean eventually yeah

Laughed until you cried: yes

Found out someone was talking about you: I’m not sure? actually yes but like they told me it was bc they were worried about me i guess, but I guess the question is about talking behind my back. But I’m sure a lot of people did but they weren’t my friends

Met someone who changed you: yes

Found out who your friends are: yes

Kissed someone from your Facebook list: yes

Kissed a stranger: no

Drank hard liquor: yes

Lost glasses/contact lenses: no

Turned someone down: yeah some creeps

Sex on the first date: nnnn...o?

Broken someone’s heart: i don’t think so

Had your heart broken: yeah

Been arrested: no

Cried when someone died: yes

Fallen for a friend: yes but we were youngggggg it’s in the past and also turns out he was gay lmaoooo

Kissed on the first date: yes

GENERAL

List 3 favorite colors: purple, blue, orange

How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them I guess

Do you have any pets: I kind of have a cat but not really

Do you want to change your name: no but I did change it for my blog

What time did you wake up: 10:40am

What were you watching at midnight last night: my computer screen

Name something you can’t wait for: starting my life away from here yaay

When was the last time you saw your mom: literally 20 seconds ago

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: almost everything up until now

What are you listening to right now: I found - Amber Run

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no

Something that is getting on your nerves right now: my sore throat

Most visited website: goodreads, tumblr and twitter

Mole/s: yeah cuz i’m pale af but i don’t have many

Mark/s: idk a couple of really tiny scars but i guess only i see them

Childhood dream: idk

Do you have a crush on someone: i have several friendcrushes, like that’s a thing right?

What do you like about yourself: my.............idk, rationality?

Piercings: just the two usual lobe piercings? idk how they’re called

Blood type: A

Nickname: Renee is my nickname here

Relationship status: in a relationship

Zodiac: leo but really I couldn’t care less about zodiac soz

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite TV show: YOI and the nonexistent aftg tv show

Tattoos: none

Right or left hand: right

Surgery: only wisdom teeth extractions

Hair dyed in different color: i had a couple of highlights or stuff like that but never colored it completely

Sport: just working out at home idk, but i wanna start taking figure skating lessons (REALLY RENEE LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE WHO’S EVER WATCHED YOI? YES)

Vacation: seeing interesting cities or some interesting natural phenomenon

Pair of trainers: is that sneakers? i mean what am I supposed to tell you? it’s the only shoes I wear lol (no ok but mot of the time)

Current and all-time best friend name: I don’t wanna give it away i’m sorryyyyy

Eye color: brown

Favorite movie: idk let’s say interstellar and the nonexistent captive prince movie

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: hugs

Lips or eyes: lips

Shorter or taller: idc

Nice arms or stomach: idc

Sensitive or loud: sensitive

Hook up or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Yourself: no

Miracles: no, i’m rational, remember?

Love at first sight: not really

Santa Claus: no what am I five?

I think everyone has done it at this point so I don’t have 20 ppl to tag but: @nerily @laurent-rose @gay-street @venenix @onotherflights @yakoucchu @ilgattopatata @ehsocietypretendstoomuch @otayurl @crescendotayuri @phaytesworld @victuri-oh-nice @argentoheart @jubesy @clairelions and anyone else who feels like it

#aftgonice does tags #tagged

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allthecowslovetheleo · 7 years ago

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Thanks for the tag @davesreyes ❤️

LAST…

[1] drink: water hahahaha [2] phone call: from this company for a job interview [3] text message: Globe Telecom [4] song you listened to: Palette - IU (Feat. G-DRAGON) [5] time you cried: Monday....watched this Filipino movie that was filmed in Japan (mostly Sapporo) ;w;

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: if you mean dated the same person twice then yes hahaha [7] been cheated on: nopes [8] kissed someone and regretted it: nah [9] lost someone special: yes :< [10] been depressed: yep.....these last 3 years have been the hardest for me, thesis + majors + personal relationship with friends have all decided to be a problem in my life AT THE SAME TIME, i mean, it stacked up to the point that i wanted to give up on life (i’m so glad I didn’t) [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nopesss

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] blue (any kind) [13] orange [14] red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes!! [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: yeah my friends are amazing haha [18] found out someone was talking about you? yeah but I don’t get bothered by it anymore [19] met someone who changed you: yuhhh [20] found out who your true friends are: yes!!! [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: yeah haha

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: uh almost all??? but that doesn’t mean i’m close to all of them tho [23] do you have any pets: nope but i want to :( [24] do you want to change your name: having 3 names is a pain but i wouldn’t change a thing [25] what did you do for your last birthday: went to this newly opened mall that was inspired by Venice, Italy [26] what time did you wake up: 8am [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: tweeting about how hungry i am [28] name something you cannot wait for: seeing my aunt after a long time :D [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: an hour ago before i went to my room and answered this thing haha [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my appetite (i have low appetite) [31] what are you listening to right now: AS IF IT’S YOUR LAST - BLACKPINK [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: I’m not sure...I think no? hahaha [33] something that is getting on your nerves: fake news [34] most visited website: twitter, yt, tumblr, and fb (to upload my love live sif stuff) [35] moles: yeah but it’s not that visble [37] marks: birthmark, yes [38] hair colour: black-brown [39] long or short hair: if you mean my hair it’s shoulder-length, but if you mean what I prefer mid-length (wait are those the same? idk) [40] do you have a crush on someone: other than fictional characters, yes [41] what do you like about yourself?: the fact that i learned how to do what i want and not let society eat me alive [42] piercings: earlobes [43] blood type: B+ [44] nickname: Joanning, Janna, Piyo (because of my main tumblr @piyoshin but i can’t open it anymore huhu) [45] relationship status: ehehe i’m currently in a healthy relationship [46] zodiac sign: libra [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fav tv show: Gravity Falls (forever in my heart), Star vs. The Forces of Evil, etc. sorry i can’t think of anything else right now [49] tattoos: nah, i’m scared of needles [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: tooth extraction for my braces [52] piercing: earlobes [53] best friend: i don’t really use this term so idk [54] sport: badminton [55] vacation: Riyadh, KSA (my dad works there so yeah) [56] pair of trainers: fila i think

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: none atm [58] drinking: still water [59] i’m about to: sleep after i finish answering this...it’s already 2:36am here [60] listening to: The Whims of Fate [61] waiting for: me to fall asleep [62] want: new eyeglasses but i don’t wanna ask my mom because i’ll get scolded [63] get married: yuh but it’s not my priority right now [64] career: none

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs! [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: taller [68] older or younger: older… maybe 3-4 years [70] nice arms or nice stomach: both! [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship of course [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nah [75] drank hard liquor? yes it was the worst day of my life [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? yeah :’( [77] turned someone down: yeah [78] sex on first date? lol no [79] broken someone’s heart? sadly, yes [80] had your own heart broken? yep [81] been arrested? no :D [82] cried when someone died? yep :( [83] fallen for a friend: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t [85] miracles? yes there can be miracles when you believe 😂🎶 [86] love at first sight? no, but i believe in “there’s something special about you” in first sight [87] santa claus? i think almost all people did??? [88] kiss on the first date? no [89] angels? i believe in angelssssss something good in everything i seeeeee🎶

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: i don’t use that term much but i guess my current best friend is my s/o his name is josh [91] eye colour: dark brown [92] favourite movie: Mulan, Tangled, Moana, Big Hero 6, Meet the Robinsons, Inside Out, and Zootopia

tagging @cheesepots @choicesvoices @ohmysnarkydrake @luainchoices

(only if you guys want to :D )

#super love nicole's answer to 85 so i'm keeping it #about me #stuff to answer when bored

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fucknfurter · 8 years ago

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NOW YOU GET TO DO THEM ALL BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR LACK OF PURSE. ALSO, COZ YOU MADE ME DO THEM ALL.

doll: some of your favorite makeup products

I don’t care. I honestly don’t. If it’s a good product, it’s a good product. Wait, can I include Lush in this? Because if so, Twilight bath bombs, Lord of Misrule bath bombs (during their season), and Shoot for the Stars bath bombs (also during their season).

bruise: the worst wound you’ve ever received

Hm…. oh. Back when we lived in Homewood and I was an oblivious teenager, we had these ballards out in the front of our townhouses, because the road we lived on was very dangerous and someone could mount the pavement and come busting into your house via their car. But I wouldn’t be paying attention, and I’d walk right the fuck into them. I fucked up both legs doing this, and one was so deep it caused like, a concave in my skin. It’s still there if you look just right, or I let you feel where it is. I may have taken some bone with it, for all I know.

taxidermy: your favorite animal(s)

I like cats and dogs. And big cats, like tigers, lions, panthers, etc. And sharks.

eyeball: some of your favorite films

Top 5 Films of All Time: The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Lost Boys, What We Do In The Shadows, Interview with the Vampire, and Amadeus.

syringe: someone you trust with everything

Myself? I don’t know. You? I don’t know.

porcelain: your favorite article of clothing

My Frankie’s Biker Gang shirt. If I knew where it was. Same with my “I (Literal heart with a stake in it) Buffy” shirt. :/

plush: your favorite childhood toy

Easy Bake Oven(s).

blood: some of your favorite foods

Cajun chicken pasta, burgers, lasagna.

pentagram: your faith or spirituality

Agnostic.

splatter: your favorite artists or art pieces

All Is Vanity, by Charles Allen Gilbert. I first saw it on this website about Claudia from TVC – they used to have these character websites, and they were all based on “The Night Island Network” or something, and Claudia’s was like a dollhouse of sorts. But anyway, that art was what you clicked to enter, and I liked a lot.

teacup: some of your favorite beverages

VANILLA COKE, Coke, Dr. Pepper, Mai Tais, Jim Beam.

corpse: something you would love to do but can’t

Be successful, in any way, shape, or form.

knife: something you’re good at cooking or baking

Neiman Marcus $250 Cookies. It also taught me to use almond extract in place of vanilla more often in baking, because it makes flavor pop.

lollipop: some of your favorite candy

Paydays, Mr. Goodbars.

monster: your worst habits

Smoking. Being lazy af.

pills: something you’d change about yourself

I’d give myself an ass. That would be cool.

potion: something you’d change about humanity

The justice system, but rectifying that utter trainwreck would take more than one person, and a lot of fucking hard work.

asylum: your favorite place in the world

Lately, my car.

mantis: your sexual orientation

Bisexual.

stitches: some of your self-care habits

Completely disassociating so I don’t have panic attacks or overwhelming anxiety.

velvet: your favorite era for fashion and aesthetics

Baroque.

teeth: something that makes you laugh

I have a knee-jerk reaction to laugh when people get hurt. :xx I’m so sorry. Just…. give me a minute to stop laughing, and I’ll tell you that. (Unless it’s REALLY serious, and then no, it’s not funny at all. But if you fall or run into something, I’m laughing at you.)

piano: something that makes you cry

I don’t…. fucking know…. Life?

witch: a power you wish you had

The power to be rich.

chainsaw: your favorite sound

Quiet.

ribbon: your favorite color combinations

Black and pink.

pigtails: how affectionate you are

Not very. Lmao. I’m sorry, but after thirty or forty minutes of cuddling, I’m gonna tell you, nicely, to move. After that, I get mean. It’s not the act itself that bugs me: I’m short, and I have big tits. My back is constantly in pain, and after about half an hour, I’m noticing every little pain in my body the weird positioning is causing me.

(Then again, I don’t like people coddling me or touching me when I’m in pain, either, so maybe that is half it. Idk.)

succubus: your weirdest kinks

There’s one I’m not telling, period…. so to give at least one…. Idk, I’m into rough play. I can’t think of anything really weird, tbh. Except for my one, which I’m still not telling.

ghost: a historical figure you’re drawn to

Mozart.

lullaby: songs you love to sing

Uh…. whatever’s in the car? Lol. I have four albums in there right now until I get some music on my phone, and those albums are: Dopes to Infinity by Monster Magnet, Glory by Britney Spears, the Lost Boys soundtrack, and the Lost Boys: The Tribe soundtrack. I’ve been singing along to all of those lately.

#about me #long post #watermelonbabytea #answered #y'all shut up about that last album #the third movie's stolen supernatural side plot was worse to me #and the tribe's soundtrack is solid so hushhhhh

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melohax · 8 years ago

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Introduction To Hacking A 3DS For The Complete Noob

How To Hack When You Have No Idea Wtf You’re Doing

Before We Start:

Hi guys, some of you might have known me before as fireemblemhax and read some of my old tutorials but I’m here with a new blog now.

I realized a bunch of my previous tutorials were honestly a bit too “advanced” for someone who’s completely new to 3DS hacking so this time around, I’m gonna try to cater my tutorials for complete newbies in mind. I’ll try to make hacking as accessible and unscary for you guys as I can.

With that said, some of the most frequently asked questions I’d get on hacking a 3DS were: Is it safe to do this? Can I break my 3DS by trying to hack it?

And to those questions, the short answer to both is: Depends

Now lemme explain why.

Is it safe to hack your 3DS? Depends on what method you choose to use.

Can you accidentally brick your 3DS through this? Yup but once more, depends on what methods you use. In this tutorial, I’ll be teaching you the safest, virtually-impossible-to-screw-up way I know of.

Still, always try to read all possible information you can on hacking AND as a disclaimer, remember that I am not responsible if you happen to somehow brick your 3DS. It’s extremely unlikely this will happen as it’d honestly require almost willfully screwing things up but if it does somehow happen, I am not responsible for it.

I can still try to help you if you think you broke it though, cus sometimes something MIGHT look scary and broken but it’s in fact actually completely ok and unbroken (this happened to me when I first started hacking, I was 99% sure I’d broken my 3DS only to find out a few days later that everything was fine lol).

Also, always remember: Do NOT automatically upgrade your 3DS if you plan on hacking it! This guide was written with firmware 11.3 in mind, anything that might come after this might render all of the hacking methods described here completely useless. Always remember to check first online if it’s ok to upgrade your firmware before doing so.

OK, with all of the above out of the way, let’s get on with the guide. Everything under the cut:

So You Wanna Hack Your 3DS But Have No Idea Where To Start:

That’s ok, I gotcha. I was once a total noob too and though hacking your 3DS might seem scary at first, I promise you it’s not that hard. Just a kinda long and sometimes tedious process but otherwise, anyone can do it with just the right info and tools.

This tutorial might get long but I’ll try to cover as much info as I can for you to be able to fearlessly begin your hacking journey.

What Does Hacking Your 3DS Mean And Why Would You Want To Do It?

Hacking your 3DS basically means modding your 3DS and 3DS games by using various tools and exploits. Think of it as a Powersave but completely integrated into your 3DS.

You can get everything you’d get from a Powersave for free on almost any game by hacking your 3DS but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. A hacked 3DS can give you access to even cooler stuff when used alongside the right tools. This is where it goes way beyond what a Powersave could provide for you.

Like for example, let’s say you’re annoyed that games like Fire Emblem Awakening and Fire Emblem Fates have mostly nothing but Hetero romance options for your characters. With a hacked 3DS, you can easily fix this by using UV’s famous Same-Sex Marriage Hack for instance, which would then give you a ton of support options with no gender restrictions as well as a bunch of new, custom support conversation.

Or maybe you’re playing Animal Crossing but are having a frustrating time getting your Dreamies to move into your town or hate having to wait around for villagers to suggest Public Works? In that case, you can just get yourself ACNL’s Save Editor and get to editing any part of the game you want to make building your dream town a less tedious process.

Maybe you play pokemon and would love to edit your pokemon’s models and textures to look cuter/cooler/prettier/whatever? Then getting Ohana3DS would help you.

So I think you can see the various reasons one might want to get to hacking their 3DS and 3DS games.

Getting Started: A Brief Summary Of Homebrew.

In order to get started though, you need to understand a few things first.

To be able to mod your games and get access to hacks, you need to get Homebrew.

What is Homebrew? Homebrew is unofficial software made by amateur developers for closed systems such as the 3DS and PSVita. Homebrew is the software necessary for practically all sort of hacking to work so you need to be able to run it on your 3DS.

To be able to access homebrew on your console, you need what is known as an entrypoint. An entrypoint is a modded game or app that will act as a “door” between your 3DS and Homebrew. Some examples are:

Pressing A on a modded Ocarina of Time save will take you directly to the Homebrew Channel.

Putting a certain modded sound file in your 3DS’s SD card gives you access to Homebrew through the 3DS’s stock sound application.

Putting a modded file in your your 3DS’s SD card gives you access to Homebrew through the game Freakyforms Deluxe.

A bunch of other entrypoints are listed on the official 3DS Homebrew Launcher website

Before You Choose An Entrypoint:

Before trying to get Homebrew, you need to know three very important things: whether you have an Old or New 3DS, your region and what firmware your system is currently on. These 3 things will determine which Homebrew entrypoints you can use as not all of them work on all system versions.

To check whether your 3DS is Old or New: Easy enough, just compare your 3DS to the ones on this pic and you should know whether yours is Old or New.

Note that 2DS’s are automatically placed in the “Old” category.

To check your firmware version and region: You can see which version of the system software you have by accessing the System Settings and looking on the bottom right of the top screen. The number is your version with the letter at the end of it is your region.

Letter E means: Europe and other PAL regions aka Australia, New Zealand and any other countries with PAL software. Letter J means: Japanese region, also known as NTSC J. Letter U means: Region used in USA, Canada, Central America and South America.

Letter K means: Korean region.

Now that you know which 3DS you have and what firmware version you’re on, you can check which entrypoints are available to you here. Compare the “Supported firmwares” section of each entrypoint/exploit to see if it could work on your own system.

BUT I’m assuming you are a complete noob to this, which means you’re very probably on firmware 11.3 and you would rather go for the easiest to use entrypoint that’d work on the latest firmware.

Nothing to worry about, I gotchu.

Launching Homebrew Through Soundhax:

SO, the easiest and safest method that I know of for the current firmware (11.3) is Soundhax.

Soundhax is an entrypoint that uses the stock Sound application that comes with every 3DS ever so it honestly doesn’t get any easier and cheaper than this.

To get started, follow the steps listed below (links to everything you need included):

Turn off your 3DS. Now take your 3DS’s SD card out and plug it into your computer. If you have a New 3DS, you’ll probably have to take off your console’s back cover and use a usb plug for microSD cards. Follow the instructions Nintendo gives on this page.

Once your SD or microSD card is plugged to your computer, download the Homebrew Starter Kit from here. The download link is in the “Preparing your SD card” section of the page. When it says “Extract it at the root of your SD card”, this just means “Don’t put it inside any folders inside the SD card”. Just put the files and folders you just downloaded directly in the “open” space of your SD card and ignore any other folders you might find already in it.

Next up, download the right sound file over at nedwill’s soundhax website. Choose the region that matches your 3DS’s and then just choose between Old and New. Then click on “Download MP4” and you should now have a MP4 file downloaded to your computer. Now, just drag this file on to the root of your SD card.

Now go back to Homebrew’s website and scroll down to the “Otherapp/ropbin payloads” section. Here, you need to download the right “otherapp” file for your console by choosing wheter you have an Old or New 3DS, choosing the exact firmware numbers you see when you go into system settings and then choose your region’s letter. Just go back to system settings, check the bottom right of the top screen and input the numbers and letter in exactly as they are on your 3DS (zeros and all). After you do this, click on “Download otherapp”.

Drag the file you just downloaded to the root of your SD card. It has a super long name that you’ll want to change so rename the file to “otherapp”. Note: Normally, just renaming the file to otherapp should work but there’s been people who reported this sometimes doesn’t work. If when you try to launch homebrew nothing happens, try renaming this file “otherapp.bin” instead.

Eject your SD card from your computer and put it in your 3DS now. Turn on your 3DS now.

Now go to the Nintendo 3DS Sound application. This one:

Once inside the app, use your stylus and choose your SD card folder and you will then see a sound file named “<3 nedwill” aka probably the only file you’ll see. Play this file and ta da!

You should get a scary black screen with random words and numbers that will then flash colors but don’t worry, this means everything worked and you can now access homebrew!

If nothing happens or your screen freezes for a long time, don’t panic cus this is normal (soundhax sometimes glitches out), just reboot your 3DS and try opening the sound file again.

After the black screen and flashing colors, your 3DS screens should now look like this:

Congratulations, you now have access to Homebrew!

Ok, I Have Hombrew But Now What?

Now you can use any hacks you want for any game you want :) I happen to only know hacks for 3DS Fire Emblem games and ACNL but you can always go on gbatemp and search for other hacks for other games.

To hack Fire Emblem, I recommend for you to watch this video. It’s pretty outdate but most of the steps in it still work.

To hack ACNL, I recommend you go watch this video. Very up to date.

Have fun and if you have questions or comments, just shoot me an ask.

#3ds hack #tutorial #hacking tutorial #fire emblem fates #fire emblem awakening #ACNL #animal crosing new leaf #my tutorials #hacks #soundhax #homebrew #fire emblem hacking #acnl hacking #fe14 #gay hack #3ds hacking

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raisloversakura · 8 years ago

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What DeviantART Taught Me

This is going to basically be my honest opinions and a bit of a rant, so if you don't like these kinds of things kindly ignore it This is what DeviantART taught me in the 8 Years since I joined. First and foremost, DeviantART was my first art website that I joined and in the beginning I was only submitting photographs of my animals, as that seemed to be the only way to get any sort of commenting or feedback. It didn't matter to me whether or not it was one person commenting or even a few favorites, I was happy and appreciative. I started sharing my artwork, my stories, and my original characters, and quickly became enveloped in commissions. I ordered my first ever commission back in 2010 and was so grateful for the two artists that took upon my requests with such poorly drawn references. It was these people who inspired me to do better, to provide better references for my characters who deserved to have nice reference sheets and images. Thank you to those people who helped me along this process in the beginning and were very kind and helpful in assuring me along in the process of creating and receiving artwork. The joy that was provided was something I never experienced and looking at my collection now, I can't believe how vast it is. Thank you to these people who made ordering artwork so incredible and such an enjoyable experience. And to those of you that have wronged me, I hope that you learn your lesson in life and I hope that Karma will come back around and bite you in the ass as you deserve what's coming to you. From these commissions blossomed relationships. It was from these commissioned based relationships that I took the plunge and became friends with many people here and we spoke often online. It was the first time I had ever flown to meet an online friend at a convention in Baltimore Maryland at Otakon, an anime convention. Thank you Newsha, Tifany, Amanda, Lavata, Luis, and Anna for meeting me and showing me that the life behind the screen was exactly the same person, and thank you for giving me the courage to meet you in person and experience and share your life and your art journey. (And the kick in the ass to attend conventions and welcome this hobby into my life as I had been nervous to try.) From these friends I have established life long friends who are very dear and important to me and I would never replace any of you for the world. We went through ups and downs and drama and unexpected surprises together which have etched its way into my life and have solidified my existence in their life as much as they are in mine. Perhaps it was from these amazing and reciprocated relationships that perhaps I was blind to the few toxic relationships that developed. There were a few who would use me for my money or for the multitude of gifts that I would buy and mail their way out of kindness and willingness on my part. The constant asking for money that was promised to be repaid, or the "art trades" that would be completed with the things I sent as compensation were never met and it was really frustrating and depressing on my part. Thank you to you greedy souls for showing me that not every one of you is kind, ingratiating, and appreciative of my friendship and what I had to offer. You showed me that my trust needs to be more reserved and I shouldn't always believe that the friends you make online are genuine and want the best for both parties involved. Everyone is human and no one is perfect, least of all me. But the way they treated their "friends" or even "customers" was unacceptable and it made me exceedingly bitter. I really hope to the people that have wronged me that you regret it one day and realize what you have done. I don't care for an apology, I just want the realization that you lost a good friend and you lost my trust. I am a loyal faithful person, but I won't be fooled time and time again by people who only want to use me and abuse my kindness. On that note, I notice far too often people begging for free artwork, And even WORSE are the people who initiate friendships with other artists just to get free artwork. That is the most vile and disgusting thing you could ever do to another person, friend or not! How can you begin a friendship solely based on greed? Oh we are friends now so you should give me free commissions or art trades because I can't afford you normally? How does that sound ok to anyone? I have many friends who have had this situation occur to them, and you can ask ANYONE that I am friends with if I still pay my dues. The answer will be 100% yes. I don't ask for anything free, I am your friend first and foremost, but I will always support your trade and pay you for your work as that is your profession and how you make a living and I will never take that from you. I don't believe in using people just because we are friends and I think I deserve free shit. Aaaaand with that comes under pricing and overpricing (and then people who don't pay for their commission altogether) I know many people haggle for lower prices, I even know of people here by name that will haggle and barter for the lowest possible price to pay artists and that makes me disgusted. Why would you demean an artist that way? Coming up with prices to sell your craft, art, whatever is really hard and frustrating! You never know if you are overcharing or undercharging and then someone you don't even know comes asking for a discount because "they can't afford it" or "I really REALLY like your work, please" that's just disgusting and pathetic to me. If you can't afford someone, save up or move along. Pay the artist what they are worth. And pay your dues. I have seen far too many of my friends and fellow artists quit commissions because the clients either A) Didn't pay them. or B) were so rude and difficult to work with. It breaks my heart to see people just quitting them altogether because people are so unjust or cheat them out of their hard earned time. And people that get offended when the artist expects payment upfront? It's called security. If they don't get half or at least all of the money they are running the risk of doing all this hard work for nothing. I hope no one has this experience but unfortunately it could happen to anyone on any website, anywhere. It's a sad reality that there are people out there wanting something for nothing and they aren't willing to pay the price of that "something". Support your artists. Support your friends. Support fair business. You wouldn't want to be cheated so why is it fair to cheat someone else? In the last few years I have contemplated leaving DA for an abundance of reasons and in my last journal I expressed that this website was depressing. Everything that I once really enjoyed about this website seems to be really dead. Now tons of people have their own reason for leaving DA (Bullies, Art Thieves finally getting to them, Lack of Popularity, etc.) For me I saw a decline in the quality of people that were joining DA and more or less the amount of trolls and rude thieving individuals who run rampant. Not to mention the large majority of untrustworthy artists opening commissions and scamming clients. I never cared about getting a Daily Deviation, nor do I care about it to this day, but I hate the mentality that if you aren't popular on this website you aren't going anywhere. DeviantART really isn't ANYTHING. DeviantART doesn't care about helping you grow as an individual or help your artwork blossom. All they care about is the growth of their absurd "Core" program and shoving as much money down their greedy throats with merchandise, and overpriced premiums that the standard person could not afford. When did this hobby website become such a money driven fool that you care nothing for your community and what others are asking for? Why did I take my OC's down from DA? Simple. I was tired of the "OMG your OC looks like (insert any random character from anything ever created here" or "Your OC looks like mine LOL" It's the most DISRESPECTFUL thing you can say to someone who has spent YEARS developing stories and original characters to be unique and special to you. I was tired of the comparisons in the commissions that I ordered and I just felt like DeviantART was not a great place to store my children any longer. And what made me even more upset were the people who flammed others for having an "all white cast" of characters. I was never called racist or anything but a friend of mine was called that for having all of her characters "pale white skin". I don't think there is anything wrong with having all white characters. You see your babies in one way, and you don't have to bend to other people's wishes so that your characters suit other peoples tastes or societies as a whole. Original Characters are my children and they deserve to be in a place that focus's on original characters and creativity more than it does high quality artwork and people with over 100,000K views on their page. That's why I moved all of my original characters to Toyhou.se and why you can no longer find my stories here on DA. I never felt completely comfortable sharing my stories on DA because anyone could just copy and paste that and I was terrified of being plagiarized. What I take away from this website is a lot of lessons learned, Improve your artwork for you only, don't do artwork because of what you expect others to love and praise. Be diligent in the work you owe others. If you are going to do something for someone, do it for the love of god and be honest and have good follow through. Realize that people behind the screen aren't always as sweet and nice as they appear and watch for those that only wish to hurt and extract all that they can from you. Be grateful and down to earth. I don't care how popular you may be on social media but you are still a human being, you aren't gods gift to earth and treating your supports like dirt isn't going to get you anywhere in life and it causes so much unnecessary drama. Ignore trolls and those who seek to stir up shit for no reason. They aren't worth the time it takes you to reply to them or the breath you hold in anger. Don't let anyone use you for whatever reason, whether it be from sympathy or the yearning to have more friends. Don't. And always remember, everyone is human. Treat them as you wish to be treated yourself.... RaisloverSakura~

#rant #personal rant #sorry for the rant #deviantart #opinion #personal #personal opinion

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imericwat-blog · 8 years ago

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A Week with Lolita

In my youth I was a dog person. Dogs are adorable and they want to play with you. They genuinely miss you when you're gone. As I became an adult, I developed an appreciation for the cool cat. It embodies the qualities that I want in myself: independent and never too cheap to do tricks for a treat. Dog or cat, I had never wanted a pet because I was hardly ever home. To be frank, I was having too much fun being single. Having a dog at home would just tie me down. Adopting a dog seemed cruel, unless I was willing to change my lifestyle.

Then this year I quit my day job and started writing at home. I was still reluctant to let a dog into my house. The last thing I needed was to be distracted or to take care of someone else. Six months into my sabbatical, as I'd finished a good draft of my novel, did I reconsider having a dog in my life. Even then, I wasn't committed to adoption. I started thinking about fostering because it would be more altruistic. I'd help more dogs in the long run, especially those who are not easily adoptable.

I sought the advice of my friend Irene, who's been an animal rights advocate for years. When I met Irene about 25 years ago, she was a meat-eater and could go on weeks without eating anything green. Now she's a vegetarian, proud mama of three dogs, and a volunteer for a dog rescue that specializes in pit bulls. I like pit bulls because they are so maligned and misunderstood, which makes them less appealing for adoption. They seemed a good fit for my mission. I asked her what was the biggest challenge in fostering. She said it was letting them go. I was more curious about the practical or physical difficulties in caregiving, and less so about emotional hardships. No one had ever called me an ice queen, at least not to my face, but if you survey my various circles of friends and ask them independently to pinpoint one in our respective group, most fingers would likely land on me. I didn't dismiss Irene categorically, but if that was the hardest part, I thought I could deal.

A couple months later, I signed up with an agency that specializes in pit bulls, not the one Irene volunteers for, though she still vouched for it. The agency is entirely volunteer-run. They had me fill out a fairly thorough questionnaire on their website. One of the questions asked me whether I had done any research about pit bulls and, if so, what those sources were. I didn't mind the vetting, but I didn't know whether they could see through that the sum of my knowledge about this breed was less than an hour of web clicks.

A few days later, a volunteer called me to go over the questionnaire. She assured me that it wasn't a test and they welcomed fosters with various levels of experiences with pit bulls. They also wanted to make sure they matched me with a dog that was more my speed. Because I was a novice, I told her that I'd prefer a dog that had been trained. I like hiking and would love to bring the dog along, but in general, I didn't want one with a lot of energy. I didn't mind about age. I knew older dogs could be harder to adopt, and I would even consider fostering dogs on their last legs ("fospice"), especially after I gain more experience. Then we set up an in-person appointment at my house several nights before Christmas with another volunteer so we could go over the paperwork.

Things were happening quickly and smoothly, though in my head I wasn't planning to take in a pit bull until the new year, so I could still be care-free throughout the holidays. David and I had an overnighter right after Christmas in Paso Robles with a group of friends. Then the first weekend after the New Year's, I'd planned to take a road trip on my own to Phoenix to visit other friends. It wouldn't make sense to move a dog into my house only to have it displaced in the following few weeks.

On the night of the appointment, I invited David to join me, since he'd help me take care of any dog I'd foster. The woman, like the other volunteer on the phone, was extremely friendly and excited to have me join the "family." We went over the rules: I have to call the dog by its given name and couldn't change it unless I adopt it. I can't take the dog to a dog park or a dog beach, any place where there would be unleashed dogs. I can't let the dog get onto my bed or any furniture. Other than these prohibitions, she said they would try to work around my schedule. If I'm not able to take the dog to its training or monthly hike, or if I need to leave town for a few days, they would assign a volunteer to help me. I thought she would inspect my house to see if it was appropriate for a dog, and since it was too dark outside, I offered to describe my yard to her. She shook her head and took a cursory look-around from her seat and said my house looked fine.

She then pulled out two copies of the agreement and asked David and me to sign both. She took one and left the other with me in a folder with other information that she encouraged me to read. I remarked that was rather painless and I was looking forward to getting my first foster dog.

"Actually," she said, "we have a puppy who needs a home right away. Her fosters are leaving town tomorrow night for the holidays."

I reiterated that David and I were planning to be out of town a couple days after Christmas ourselves.

"That's okay." She turned on her phone and began swiping the screen, not looking at me. "That's still a week away. We can find someone else to take over by then." She showed me a photo on her phone

David and I both exclaimed, "She's adorable."

"Her name is Lolita."

"Oh."

"What do you think?" She asked. "We can get you a dog right away."

I had signed the agreement. It'd be a matter of time before I took the plunge. There was a dog in need. It wouldn't make much of a difference whether I started in the next 24 hours or a month from then. The only thing is, I had made plans with my brother, his wife, and our parents the following day: Albert and Angela were in town for the holidays, and we were supposed to visit Descanso Garden and then go to dinner with David. I had also committed to a writing date with Crystal later in the week and promised some quality hangout time before the holidays with Saul and Deanna, two friends I had known the longest. Once I realized that it was my own Type A personality that was resisting changing plans last minute, not some principled sense of obligations to friends who would surely understand, I just had to say yes to Lolita.

"Great," she said, beaming. "I got a crate and some stuff in the car for you."

David went out to help her while I started clearing up my bedroom for a crate. A few minutes later, I went out and saw her pull up in my driveway in her Prius. David helped her extract a large flat box that she had somehow managed to fit around her backseat. Then they came towards me carrying the box like it was a sedan chair, one person at each end. They flipped it up so they could bring it through the door. The box was new and sealed. Once they dropped off the box in my living room, she went back out to retrieve more stuff. David and I slit open the box and loosened the folded crate from it. She came back with a new leash, a bag of dog food, and a hermetically sealed tank bone. She asked if we needed help with the crate. The box was still hugging half of the crate, but it didn't look very complicated. So David said that we got it. She said she would text us the contact information of Lolita's current foster parents and we could arrange for them to drop her off the next day. With that, she was on her way.

I asked David, "All of this came from her Prius?"

He nodded.

"It's almost as if she'd known I'd say yes."

Lolita entered my life shortly after eleven the next morning. By then, I had timed my visit to Descanso Garden with my family that afternoon so that I could come back to the house for an hour or so before heading back out with them to dinner. I had also canceled my writing date with Crystal and moved my dinner later that week with Saul and Deanna to my place, so I didn't have to spend the entire evening outside my house. As soon as I opened the door, a sixty-five-pound pit bull, brown velvety pelt with the subtle stripes of a tiger, sprinted across the threshold and took three sniffs around my dusty floor before she jumped on me. Her foster tugged at her leash, and she got off me only to dance around the floor like she could spot some treasure underneath it. Her foster and I exchanged some small talk while Lolita occasionally tried to pounce on either one of us, forcing our attention on her for a little while. He told me how much to feed her and when, and warned that, at nine or ten months old, Lolita hadn't learned her basic commands yet. She liked jumping on people, but she was friendly and not aggressive. Lolita was much bigger than I thought, though her hyperactivity left me no doubt that she was still a puppy. I could only imagine how much she had grown in the last few months, that in her mind she was still that smaller dog that couldn't budge a human from his solid stance. Her foster handed me the leash and gave me her prized kong. We only talked for a few minutes more. I didn't want to keep him. Everything he was telling me was something that the volunteer had described in an email from the previous night. He told me they were leaving town that evening and would be gone until the day after New Year's.

I stooped and Lolita immediately licked my face.

"Yes, she does that," he said.

"Tell your papa goodbye. You won't see him for a couple weeks." I noticed a weariness in his eyes, almost wincing, and was reminded what Irene had told me many months ago, about letting them go being the hardest part.

"Well, maybe they'll give us another dog when we come back." He started to turn. Lolita was watching him, still for the first time. "Be good, Lolita."

When he closed the door, it was just the two of us left.

Lolita started barking after him.

Lolita was indefatigable. She pranced from one end of my small house to another, as if expecting the house would lengthen with each round. I finally gathered enough courage to take her outside for a walk. A curious puppy, she pulled me and darted from side to side on the sidewalk. With her shoulders caved and neck extended, she stretched the leather leash and both my arms. I was used to walking dogs that wanted to mark their territory with their urine, but Lolita didn't even pee once in our half-hour walk until the end of it when we were just feet from my house again.

For the following two hours - before I had to leave to meet my family - I wrote only about 500 words. She jumped at me while I was typing to get my attention. Or she roamed the house noisily. Worse was when I didn't hear any sound. I had this horrible image of a puppy chewing through my pillows with the quiet devotion of a serial killer. I checked on her several times only to discover her, without fail, sunning herself on my bed, a major no-no in my barely inked-dry agreement.

When it came time for me to leave her for the first time, she willingly went into the crate. I left the tank bone with her to distract my departure. The whole family came back to my place a few hours later. Angela bought her toys and treats. My father, who had steadfastly refused the responsibility of a pet, especially now in his retirement, smiled from ear to ear playing with her. My mother, who had wanted a dog since her last dog passed more than a decade ago, was the disciplinarian, barking commands at Lolita, which only excited her more. Every time she bent to tell the dog to sit, their faces got so close and Lolita saw the proximity as permission to either lick or lunge at my mom. We fed and walked her before we left to meet David for dinner. David came back with me to meet Lolita for the first time. We gave her the third walk of the day. She peed in the middle of the sidewalk, just stopped cold one moment and let it loose. When David left, I put her in the crate and we went to bed. I discovered the tank bone was shattered into three pieces. One day down.

Day 2 I was alone with the dog. I turned on the furnace and happily discovered that Lolita would sit still in front of it, where I could finally take my first picture of her.

We went on our half-hour walk in the morning. She peed in the last minute as she did the day before. I started my writing routine. Five minutes into it, I turned around and discovered that she was no longer in front of the furnace. She wasn't on my bed either. Or maybe she quickly got to my bedroom door when she heard me looking for her. I found a pile of dog shit in my hallway. I had expected accidents from a puppy, but we walked the neighborhood for good measure to avoid something like this. As I cleaned up after her, I mumbled my answer to my own question to Irene that this had to be the worst: human picking up defecation from his own pet like a manservant.

This turned out to be my biggest nightmare for the next few days. No matter how long I took her on her walk, she would either pee or poop within ten minutes of coming inside. The length of the walk was not an issue. I believed that she was saving it until the end of the walk, but the problem was, she didn't know when the walk was ending, even when I was loitering my own front yard for a few minutes before we walked into the house. When Deanna and Saul came over one night, I took her out three times during our dinner, only to have her pee in the kitchen where we could see her from the dining room.

I contacted the volunteer who went over the paperwork with us, and she advised me to just stay put in my front yard and not let Lolita wander off until she's done her business, and when she finally does, reward her with a treat. That worked, but not all the time. In addition to not being house trained, Lolita's neediness exhausted me and kept me away from my writing. I was becoming more certain that the sadness I saw in her last foster's eyes was not from letting her go, but from thinking she would come back to him after the holidays. The next day I reminded the volunteer that David and I were going to leave town in a few days and asked her to let me know when she made arrangement for Lolita's next home.

My friends only saw the adorable side of Lolita. Only I noticed the spots in my house that were especially clean because I had given them the antiseptic-wipe treatments over and over again. Crystal, the dog-lover without a dog, changed her mind and decided to cut short her writing session at home and spent the afternoon at my place visiting with Lolita. We got some writing done, but not before Lolita lay still so Crystal could pet her for a quarter-hour. Though she had a very public accident in front of Deanna and Saul, by the time Deanna's daughter Mahalia came over for dessert, Lolita was a model citizen, as gentle as she could be. She stayed still enough for Angela to snap some beautiful shots of hers that I wasn't able to. Because she wasn't allowed on my sofa, David slid down to my wooden floor one night when he was staying over, so Lolita, all sixty-five pounds of her, could curl up like a cinnamon bun on his lap, snoring deeply.

I took her to my parents' on Christmas day, and we walked her to the city park. My parents took turns walking her. My father, who loathed physical activity, jogged with Lolita because he didn't have the heart to pull her. On our way back from the park, I received an email from another volunteer who would take her in the next day. She told me to come by between three and four.

Back at my parents' house, she was an angel. She did her business outdoors and never soiled their floor. In return, they gave her treats. She wasn't running wildly in the house, even after multiple attempts by my mother to beckon her. It was a quiet holiday, but she filled the house with mirth that felt a little more special than our usual threesome. Spending a day with my parents could sometimes feel like being trapped in a room with two light switches at either end, one of which would turn some lights on but others off while the other would have the opposite effect. They have the most mundane conversations in their loudest, most combative voices, and I'm usually the one running between the two sides trying to strike a harmony. That day they focused their attention on Lolita and hardly argued at all.

I remarked, "She's very calm today."

"She's getting attached to you."

Until my mother said that, I didn't realize that the dog had been following me in the house and kept me company while I was downstairs folding my laundry. As if she could understand us, she jumped up to me, paws on the edge of the loveseat.

"Down," I said.

My mom intervened, "It's okay."

I thought to myself, permissive grandparents, and for once I gave in. Seeing no resistance, Lolita hopped further onto me, her front legs perched on my left arm. She nudged her backend in that small nook between me and the arm of the loveseat. Once settled, she lowered her head and fell asleep.

That night, I tried to suss out more information about the person who was going to take in Lolita after me. Her email bore the domain of the agency; she was probably a super volunteer. She was featured by another nonprofit on their webpage. They talked about her passion for pit bulls, that she had two of her own and had fostered over sixty of them in addition. Last year, she ran the L.A. Marathon to raise money for the agency that we now both belonged to. This woman could surely handle a high-spirited dog like Lolita.

The next morning I took Lolita on a hike at a local trail. The wide open space invigorated her, and we were out for more than an hour. For the first time in the seven days that I'd spent with her, I think she was actually exhausted when we came home.

After lunch, while waiting for David to come over so he could say goodbye to her, and with Lolita cozy in front of the furnace, I began to compose an email to her next foster. While acknowledging that I was a novice and she an old pro, I told her everything I knew about Lolita that I would've wanted to know a week ago. I told her about Lolita's sleeping and waking schedule, her love of wrestling and cuddling, walking routine, her feeding regiment and favorite snack (peanut butter in her kong), and her lingering confusion with basic commands (though I bragged how Lolita could at least obeyed them occasionally with the promise of treats, which was more than what she could do a week ago). I wrote of her inquisitiveness for something as simple as a stray plastic bag we encountered in our path, but also her skittishness when that bag rustled back towards her, carried by wind. To illustrate the importance of vigilance, I recounted a story where Lolita pooped in the middle of the crosswalk in front of expectant holiday drivers as the light was about to turn green. I told the next foster that, even if Lolita begged to be let out, it would take five to seven minutes for her to pee, and she'd better wait at least three more to see if she would poop. I told her, a little protectively, that despite all these flaws, Lolita was really a sweetheart - everybody had said so - and it had been a joyful week and I would miss her. The email ended up just short of a thousand words.

Of all the hours this puppy had robbed me from my writing routine, I ended up making up partially with this missive.

David came over and we spent our last hour with Lolita on the floor so she could lie across my lap as we pet her. I started thinking that she wouldn't know this was our last hour, that I alone carried the knowledge that we probably wouldn't see each other again, that in her quiet repose she was content with each passing minute, while I was counting time backward. I tried not to cry in front of David, but to hold the tears back I had to breathe in a loud, soggy gasp. I settled in the middle ground, which led to very wet eyes and a chortle loud enough to distract David from the napping dog. He looked up, furrowed his brows (more of a surprise than a reproach), and asked, "Are you crying?" In my head, I said to myself, "I'm melting." At the thought of these maudlin words, a trail of tears began to carve out a rivulet down my face. He smiled and held my hand. All I could muster was, "She's leaving us." David said, "You could adopt her." I joked as cheerfully as I could, "I should just adopt her so I could change her stupid name."

She was a sweet dog but she wasn't meant for me. A week was one thing, but I'd halve my writing time if I had to take care of her. On the other hand, once she was trained, she'd be snatched up like a bottle of water at a marathon's finish line, perhaps by a family with children with just as much energy as she. I wiped my eyes and got up, teetering. Awakened, Lolita raised her head but quickly wiggled to David and put it down on his lap. I found a one-gallon Ziploc bag and deposited in it her kong, the remaining piece of tank bone, half a bag of treats that we didn't get to, and a bone from my beef rib dinner I had saved for her as a Christmas gift.

On the way to her new foster, I got her reply to my long message. "Thank you, Eric," she wrote. "She's gonna be fine." Her reassurance might have meant to be comforting, but the terse word count said to the insecure me, "Get over it, amateur." There was no cross-town traffic on the Santa Monica Freeway, and I found her house easily. Blankly I walked Lolita up to her new home.

The door opened a few seconds after I rang the doorbell. I could hear dogs barking inside. Lolita understandably tried to nose her way in, but the new foster stood firmly in the narrow gap she let open, her runner's leg obscuring the playground beyond. "No," she commanded Lolita, who whimpered in return. The human wasn't affected. She remarked, "She's a little skinny." Feebly I replied that I had fed her as instructed and didn't want to overdo it. "Don't worry," she said. "We'll fix that." She asked me to hand her the leash and Lolita quickly disappeared into the house. She was about to close the door. I wanted small talk. I wanted to show her the part of my arm Lolita drew blood the first day. But how could I stop the gap from diminishing? All of a sudden I remembered about the Ziploc bag. "Hold on," I said, lifting it from my knapsack. "This is her stuff." She furrowed her brows (more of a reproach than a surprise) at the bag's chewed-up contents. "No, it's okay. I won't need it." Just like that, she closed the door on me.

I got it. She was a pro. Standing in Lolita's way was her way of establishing dominion in the puppy's new territory, and she didn't want me lingering and get Lolita all worked up. Lolita was going to get a proper training finally to ready her for adoption. But not until I was back in my car did I realize why I was feeling empty inside: I didn't really say a proper goodbye to Lolita, and she never looked back to know that I wasn't coming with her.

She's a pro. I get it.

She's gonna be fine, I repeated the new foster's words in my head as I drove away. I've just done something good for a dog who needed a home, I added to the mantra. That was the point. Altruism.

Get over it, amateur.

#submissionlimbo

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eulablue-blog · 4 years ago

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5 Amazing Ways to Profitably Pivot your Business

Dynamism is one of the most potent weapons in the armory of any business. Flexibility and the capacity to adapt will save you bucket loads of disaster, helping you more conveniently navigate your way to the winning system.

The volatility or spontaneity of the corporate world ensures that every business has to perpetually evolve to maintain their relevance and retain their market share – or better still reach for fresh heights. Simply put, stay rigid at your own risk.

If your sales are drastically dropping, it could be more than you being unlucky. It could be more than your customers being in a bad mood. Take an introspective step back and analyze things. Something may be wrong in the process; the system may have lost its fertility – necessitating a pivot.

Pivoting your business in terms of moving to a fresh strategy can largely transform results – even more dramatically than how a hug from your crush can change a bad mood.

Of course, just any CEO can pull that u-turn and pivot his system. The bigger question is how you successfully pivot for profits.

In this insight, we are going to explore some cool fresh ways to pivot for profits.

Tell me, don't you like it fresh?

Make sure you are leveraging data

The most successful pivots are less instinctive and more data informed. You just can't wake up in the morning and FEEL like overhauling your system. Sorry, it doesn't work that way, buddy.

Before you embark on any pivot, ensure you extensively dig into data. This data must not necessarily be internal. You can dig through data from external sources extracted from your rivals and the market trend.

That said, internal data are incredibly valuable sources to know when and how to pivot your business. You could focus on information like your traffic, profit margins, and even your sales.

We also recommend that you integrate customer surveys in building out projections. This, along with customer input data and historical data are valuable recipes for fathoming your best pivot direction.

Want a sweet example? We will give you one!

The famed Yelp didn't outrightly start as a full-stack business review website. They had a more humble beginning as a platform that requested friends to make direct recommendations.

But one day, the guys at Yelp decided to dig deeper into their data.

Guess what they saw.

They discovered that people were enjoying writing business reviews. Boom! There Yelp reinvented itself and was born as now you know it.

Make the best of the assets and resources already in your closet

For many businesses, you don't necessarily need to start from scratch when pivoting. For those that already have resources and assets, you could simply repurpose them.

Doesn't that sound brilliant?

Truth is customers don't typically have beef with your company. It is likelier they fell out with your product which is pretty normal.

Indeed, this could be because your product no longer attends to their prevailing needs, doesn't fit the trend, or they simply can't afford it anymore in their current situation.

What a smart CEO would do is ask himself what his customers are desperately in need of at the moment, flip the switch masterfully like Drake, and pivot to that need or prevailing trend.

Aha, a nice example would help here!

With the coronavirus raging on, I would have to be extravagantly rich to be able to spend my hard-earned money on luxury clothing items for now.

Most significantly, where am I wearing such luxury items to with the current lockdown? You don't expect me to buy a $10k jacket and keep it indoors all through, do you?

My priority now is staying safe and surviving this pandemic. I would more readily spend on face masks and scrubs. So if you were a luxury apparel manufacturer, it serves you best to repurpose your resources and produce masks and hand gloves.

Go digital NOW

Believe me, the internet is more than just for exchanging cat pictures and your hottest beach shot. Businesses are increasingly going online, with the world squeezing tighter into an interconnected village.

Retail e-commerce sales are projected to hit $4.5 trillion by 2021.

Man, that is an incredible13 figures!!!

If you think you are just fine as a dedicated brick-and-mortar store, think again, pal. There is always an avenue for more growth for your business online.

People are even ordering barbing services online! What better time to digitally pivot your brand than now when the pandemic has forced many stores into physically shutting down?

If you are a retail store owner, there are lots of fantastic ecommerce platforms like Shopify ready to host your digital shop. Good news is most of these platforms give you free trials for you to ascertain how compatible they are for your business and ambition.

If you are a real estate agent, you could digitally pivot as well and make use of Facebook Live and other emerging platforms like TikTok – especially exploiting viral vehicles like via social media challenges.

Oh, that reminds me, I have a TikTok cooking challenge to do immediately after this piece…not like I can even prepare salad, though. Lol.

You can conquer more via collaborating

I agree, there is an inherent tendency to things on your own as a CEO. Yeah, I have been there. You want to kick everyone through the window taekwondo style (which is my favorite style by the way) and go solo. But believe me, there is a lot of pivot success you can enjoy via building strategic partnerships.

Does your competitor have a resource you could repurpose and achieve dramatic gains? Does your competitor have an attractive customer base you think you could pivot and sell to?

If yes, sheath your ugly sword and propose joining forces together. You and your competitor may have resources that could excel better in use when combined.

Take note that a successful partnership must be a fair win-win between both teams. If I don't have anything to gain from you, why would I agree to partner with you? Oh, unless you are a ripped Dwayne Johnson, though!

Lastly, always try and feel free to fail

If I was going to contest for the lie of the decade, what would be my entry? Er, I think saying "everything I have tried in life worked!".

Truth is, failure is a core component of any entrepreneurial journey. If you are going to pivot for profits, not all would be successful. Nonetheless, the threat of failure doesn't mean you shouldn't try at all!

Every pivot expedition is an experiment – it can end up a blasting success or a ludicrous failure. But more importantly, focus more on the process and the insights gained across the road.

You know what? Persistence of the spice of the game.

My business pivot failed, and so what??? I am damn trying again!

Do you even know that your beloved Twitter was once a laughable podcasting network called Odeo?

To know more, Visit: https://eulablue.com/pages/social-media-ads-managment

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x4f0wrcg-blog · 5 years ago

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