#extended noises of brutal pipe murder

[ineffablewhovianholmes]

Bro was ceaselessly watching

[uncarbonatedmilk]

*checks watch* oh would you look at that its time for my daily mandated autism

[magpod-confessions]

...the extended sounds of brutal pipe murder are kind of underwhelming and didn't really sell the moment. doesnt sound brutal doesnt sound like a pipe doesnt sound like a murder and it doesnt last very long so its not even extended. kinda just sounds like someone whacking a punching bag with a baseball bat a couple times. i love me some bpm shitposting as much as the next person but the fandom really overhypes the actual moment. like yeah they didnt exactly have the resources to make super convincing bespoke sfx but leitner doesnt even gasp or make a noise or go "ouch". that can be explained by leitner either being knocked unconscious by a blow to the head or him getting the breath knocked out of him, but if it was the former case the sound shouldnt have been so soft, and in the latter case we still shouldve heard leitner getting the wind knocked out of him (see: that one lord of the rings bts clip with christopher lee demonstrating being stabbed.) tl;dr extended sounds of brutal pipe murder overrated

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[solarishashernoseinabook]

Hello RA fans <3 For reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with something happening tomorrow, I decided to go through the comments of my version of The Royal Ranger and collect the best ways people insulted Ferris in them, organised in chronological order <3 All comments credited to AO3 usernames, feel free to claim any that are yours if you're here too :D

Oh you little—I already wanna drop kick Ferris into a moat

-- thesylvaroakleaf

Can someone PLEASE accidentally throw a knife at Ferris

-- thesylvaroakleaf

Ferris is an atrocious little rat bastard. I hope someone invente legos and then replaces his shoes with them.

-- CallMeShei

I am overcome with the sudden urge to shove Ferris right behind Declan so he can kick him for the whip fiasco :)

-- BlueCalibriFont

pin him to the highest tower in the castle by his underwear and let him starve (I’d actually say hang him on a Ferris Wheel and set it to beyond maximum speed bc,, Ferris -> Ferris Wheel but this is the Middle Ages and they don’t have Ferris wheels)

-- BlueCalibriFont

Brain is an asshole as well but Ferris takes the cake and goes and poison it

-- Pennydragon

The only revelations Ferris should be having is that he’s a horrible person, an even worse brother and that he’s prolly make a shit king. […] someone needs to kick Ferris off a cliff

-- BlueCalibriFont

oh god Ferris is at it again. Someone please shoot him

-- thesylvaroakleaf

Like, C'mon, Mr. Prince Sir, get your shit together and stop hating your siblings.

-- ArtsySurvivor

Excuse me Ferris what. We need to talk. Alone. In a dark alley.

-- Elizabeth Liam Klock (KlockWrites)

I want to have a nice long talk with Ferris and by having a nice long talk I mean inflicting a very slow and painful death upon him

-- MiscellaneousOrange

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to figure out how to break the fourth wall, and b r u t a l l y p i p e m u r d e r F e r r i s.

-- BlueCalibriFont

Ferris will be reincarnated as a slug and meets a kid with a salt shaker

-- Pennydragon

I don’t think there are enough words in any language, signed, spoken or otherwise to describe the extent of bodily harm I wish to inflict upon Ferris. […] Just *extended noises of brutal pipe murder directed at no-good dirty rotten fratricidal ferrets.)

-- BlueCalibriFont

okay that's all thank you for your time :)

[the-jarchive]

MAGtober Day 9: [Extended sounds of brutal pipe murder] I was listening to this while thinking of what to do for today okay Then this was born and I'm proud of it <3333 Enjoy lads lmao

Prompt list | Day 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 7 | 8 | 9

[tiredbluejay]

It’s embarrassing how long it took me to figure out what being Elias’d meant.

[chickpeamcb]

To everyone saying “why did you make Elias Bouchard hot-” I didn’t.

He is literally a silhouette of a man in a suit with no facial features are you guys okay?

[entities-of-posts]

*click*

*extended sounds of choking and gurgling death rattle* *labored breathing*

To..answer your question Archivist, yes I can hear you....somewhat. There are times that exactly what you are saying takes a moment for me to process, but my Sight is clearing so there's that. But I can tell that there will be great violence here. And...somehow, I bleed into that violence. It isn't ideal, but its quite exhilarating. Oh by the way, I thought you ought to Know, I did find a weapon and it's very effective. *extended sounds of brutal pipe murder* Very effective. I'm not sure why the Slaughter is attacking, but I suppose that's just what it does. The only reason I'm still talking to this bloody tape, is because that is currently the only way to speak with you and I need it to be seen. To be seen in the cold light of knowledge is anathema to the things that crawl and slither and swarm in the corners and the cracks. There is a part of me that I have always tried to refuse. Help me to not give into it, Archivist.*more death noises but with ...something else* please *ominous buzzing* please *crawling noises*

|

|

|

*click*

Oh, I… think I may be starting to see what the Web is getting at…

That’s not good, but we’ve got no time to worry about that.

From personal experience you’ve got me quite worried with the violence there, but still… I’m glad you’re not selling your hide cheap, kid.

The only solution I have to your current… crawly problem is not a good one, it’s dangerous, and I think it’s playing right into the spiders’ plan - But it’ll work.

If you hear anything, I hope you hear this:

Almost anything can be fought with fire.

[loversandantiheroes]

[extended sounds of brutal pipe murder] is the *gunshot* *gunshot* *gunshot* *cash register noise* of The Magnus Archives.

[bromeliaddreams]

Me: Hmm, wonder if I could go as Elias 'extended sounds of brutal pipe murder' Bouchard for Halloween?

Friend: *doubtful noises* I dunno, I just always imagined Elias as being really well put together, just really well-dressed...

Me, A Known Gremlin:

[shocked Pikachu face]

[theradioghost]

I know that “EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER” is hard to beat but we really need to talk about the descriptions of Jon’s noises while he’s gagged in the first part of the script for 101

[the-jarchive]

//MAG 80 Spoilers, Blood// A little MAG 80 comic I made sparked by the clothing-dyeing incident in a friend's bathroom lmao

Hope you enjoyed it:DDD

[not-yet-usernamed]

also since we’re talking ab tma i’d like to say that the transcripts bring me joy . heres some of my favorite lines from them:

(slight pause, he grapples with the concept of friendship)

[EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER] (Pythagorean theorem, volume of a cone) (give me strength) [ELIAS RESUMES MONOLOGUING, MELANIE RESUMES MAKING EXASPERATED NOISES OVER HIM]

[looseinthecatroom]

This “live” blog (or just reaction in that case I suppose?) under the cut and in one post because this ain’t a fandom where we can have spoilers and thoughts running around willy nilly so soon after an episode comes out!

- Poor sweet Jon. Poor confused detonator losing disaster. Better hope that slight immunity to The Unknowing you get from vague archivist powers kicks in soon.

- “ ’Ello Daisy!”

Here it comes! I don’t know what “it” is! But something very bad is definitely going to happen to one of you! Personally my bet’s on Breekon and Hope getting their asses kicked in.

- Roughly 20 seconds later:

*Horrific strangulation noises and Daisy laughing manically.*

Eyuuup.

- Diiiid Basira just whoop Tim’s angry little butt like it was nothing out of self defense or am I misreading that and Tim just landed a pretty weak hit which then confused her?

I choose to believe that she just whooped his butt personally.

- “Ohhhh! You caught me! I’m...... Sasha!”

I fucking love Nikola.

- Issssn’t going so deep as to not know what a hand, or a gun, or what have you, is anymore kind of a teensy bit right of center for the Stranger? It feels more Spiral then Stranger to me at least as I/we understand them right now.

‘Course I’ll be the first to tell you that the overlap between entitys is hella common and hella intentional given how little we/humanity is supposed to understand about them / roll my eyes when someone’s trying way too hard to fit something within a statement super neatly into a single powers domain, sooooo. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- “Pathetic.”

My ass:

- =( Gertrude (/Nikola. Obviously ~Is it partially her? Is it in no way actually her opinion? Who knoooows?~ is intentional.) leave the failure boy be. You were head archivist for 50 years if I recall. He’s got time. Weak sauce taunt Gertrude/Nikola.

- LOVE  the chewy symbology to dig into in how Nikola’s voice isn’t present for for the last “This is your fault!” of their guilt trip.

-Leitner: “Before you left me to get my head bashed in”

by a brutal extended pipe murder. Finish the sentence Leitner. Any excuse to use that phrase again is a good one.

-Leitner: ”But you’ve somehow managed to fit more bad decisions into two years then I did in a lifetime!”

Oh. My poor self hating disaster archivist. That one isn’t even remotely true AND I doubt even Jon would be thick enough to believe it without the Unknowing’s influence. =‘(

Also he knows who Jurgen is without any prompting at all so.... time seems to be nearly up for keeping him confused Nikola. >.>

- OH! Duh! Daisy has “vague servant of an entity powers” herself too. Thanks for that Hunt and/or Slaughter. That’s why she’s a bit more on the ball then the others. Nearly forgot about that till he called her an animal.

- “Almost a shame you don’t know your own coffin. But you will.”

- Basira is back sans angry Tim. She did in fact clock him.

- Listening to Basira puzzle stuff out makes me think that Melanie and Martin were back benched for this one because writing wise it would have given us way too much insight into the soul of their character and the way they function under real pressure for right now. I’m all for more character development for those two. Like probably more then any of the other assistants, but yeah, it doesn’t feel like the right time for it (Particularly for Martin) with all the other shit going on right now.

The last thing Martin needs right this instant is a do or die situation AND also Jon almost certainly wouldn’t kill him off without resolving the crush plot line / just more of his character in general so... yeah. No Martin in THE center of the action this time.

- Jon: “I see you...”

AYYE there it is. Time’s up girl.

- “Sarah”: ”Probably the Hunters idea. She killed one of the courier's.”

Time to drop that /Slaughter part apparently. Hunt it is.

- Ohh. Oh. I DO like what the avatars bickering with each other tells us about how close they are (well, aren’t then) to the pure ideal of the Stranger.

- Ok. Or Tim just ran off confused to go maul someone else.

- “Shall I?”

Oh hell yeah. Good audio is good.

Also? “My asshole boss”?

Aye Tim. Yeesh.

You know, Mike LeBeau’s comment about wanting to just slap Tim sometimes is hella relatable, and I was glad that even his actor is definitely feeling it this arc. >.>

If Martin weren’t Martin (pushover) and Jon weren’t Jon (piss self esteem) Tim probably wouldn’t have gotten this far along his “Jon’s a dick (Or even still properly your boss tbh) and not a victim (a paranoid disaster, but a victim) here” train of thought.

- SO

Soooo...

Kaboom.

Well Basira ran away given her last bit.

Daisy is in a probably explosion proof coffin, and either safe for now or very much already dead/worse then dead, so that’s her sorted.

Jon and Tim? They’re in the same room. Now. Jon’s not going to die yet probably. Yeah it COULD be that kind of show. I definitely don’t want to tempt fate here, but I just don’t see Johnny killing him off just yet for a whole buncha reasons unless it IS that kind of show, and they really need that gut punch to work with. (pls no. thx)

Soooo... the slightly deus ex machina of a power of some sort intervening to save him? Elias using yet unknown Beholding powers to save him? Another power’s avatar pulling his ass out of the fire again? At least it probably won’t be Helen, a.k.a. the one who usually shows up to save him, because having him rescued from this exact building by powers twice would be a bit bland, let alone by the SAME power twice. So who knows.

OH, know what WOULD be a good path to head down and not feel to arbitrary OR repetitive??

Mr. Spider to the rescue? >.>

Learn some stuff about the Web maybe? Could be a thing. Could not be a thing. Wouldn’t be a BAD time to start off/set up more Web plot lines by any means.

At any rate, imma have to guess that some fun / not as used / maybe mostly new plot line is about to get some love, because bitch, I don’t see any other smart way out for these nerds. >3>

(Of course, I might have missed something. Some clever escape setup that was already there within the current arc’s plot lines. It IS TMA after all. =p)

[falst]

*extended noises of brutal pipe murder ensue*

elias pipespin real

[eldritchfaggot]

Wait even better,

"[Extended noises of brutal pipe murder]" -Elias Bouchard from TMA

GUys heLP I NEED QUOTES