#explanation in tags so this post doesnt take up too much space

[two-bats]

so potentially got outed to my shithead uncle's girlfriend tonight??

[florenceisfalling]

ur making sense but can u still elaborate

hi sorry i went to get food

but Basically if you go into the comment section of any post where there's discourse about polarizing topics, a display of something "weird" or "cringe" but ultimately harmless (or even something that is NOT that weird!!!!!), or even just a joke that is going over peoples' heads, you tend to see comments where people will act confused, shocked, or suspicious in a way that is just. playing stupid.

it's comments that are just "bro..." or "huh" or "🤨" or "😨" for no fucking reason. you see "umm..." commented under tiktoks of fat or disabled people showing off their outfits. you see "huh" commented under things where someone's talking about politics in more complicated terms. you see a bunch of "😨😨" commented under tumblr posts where someone makes a joke and then even EXPLAINS the joke in the notes or tags, but people dont look at it bc they just wanna act scandalized instead.

those are the ones that piss me off the most because they're so stupid!!! so useless!!! they're so vague because the person either doesnt know enough with substance to actually argue about anything, or is too much of a coward to make a direct insult, but they still gotta take up space Somehow. the most infuriating shit is when people comment that stuff on a video of an autistic person being ~weird~ and, when asked what they mean by it, just respond with more "😶" or whatever. its such a weird form of cyberbullying! how did the internet find a way to emulate getting stared at in the middle school hallway via comment sections!!

the judgment also comes in the form of suspicion made from Nothing. like back when i used tiktok (why did i do that to myself) i had people who were mad about me calling myself a lesbian go back to year-old posts where i made shipping jokes to comment "🤨" and shit like that. not even abt "problematic" ships or anything, just whatever they could possibly imply a problem into.

its like!! what do you want??? every time i see ppl say that shit i wanna just go "use your words :)" and often "use your Eyes :)))))" because they will freak out over stuff that they literally did not bother to look into for an explanation. they just wanna be spoonfed! its so stupid! instead of just scrolling or at least Arguing a Point they just decide "yknow how should i approach this thing i dont like or dont understand? imply like the subject is deranged/suspicious/creepy/weird in the most childish way possible!" and i cannot stress how banal some of the stuff is that gets FLOODED with comments like that. fat person in a swimsuit! adult woman in pastels! drawing with blood in it! art sculpture that doesn't look cutesy or minimalist! people dating with a 4 year age gap! politics that use big words!

and when they are using a comment that (miraculously) goes over 8 characters, its the kind of thing like "the way i almost had a heart attack 😰😰" like what do they want me to say!! ohhh are you a baby? are you a little baby?? did it scare you that bad??? do you need me to call an ambulance because you had to see a cringe person???? god forbid a cringe and maybe kinda horny or gay person???? maybe even one with unpopular opinions?????

[woeisme-iamwoe]

an absolutely massive Haikyuu!! fic rec pt. 2

IwaOi this time around. My favorite ship. The world’s favorite ship...there’s so many

Undecipherable, by ioo (4k. G. canonverse)

 I’m pretty sure the author meant ‘indecipherable’, nevertheless! I am appalled that this work doesnt have more hits. Y'all are sleeping on it and that's not okay. 

The sound of the door slamming against the wall has Hajime startling back to the present. He looks at the source of the disturbance and finds himself face to face with Oikawa, red in the face with breathlessness and a leather-bound notebook tightly clutched in both of this hands. When he spots Hajime, he makes a beeline for the bench and slaps it down right next to him.

"Koi no yokan," he says. "The sense one can have upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall in love."

 primavera, by tothemoon (8k. T. canonverse)

All of tothemoon’s works read so beautifully 

They say it takes twenty-six years, for certain breeds to fully bloom. 

Learning to Walk (So That We Can Run), by ricekrispyjoints (27k. M. canon-divergence)

I've read this work so many times. Like, so many times and I’ve never tired from it. Gorgeous. The shift from friendship to romance felt so natural, love it. 

"I'm not healing like I should be."

In his second year of university, physical therapy just isn't cutting it. Oikawa's knee is getting worse, and he can't hide it anymore.

Or: the light angst, project-your-own-life-experiences-on-Oikawa knee surgery fic you didn't know you wanted.

 Priorities, by weirdmilk (2k. T. canonverse)

Kissy, kissy. 

‘I just -’ Oikawa begins, ‘it might be difficult to get married, sometimes, I think.’ He chews on his lip.

Iwaizumi makes a questioning noise.

‘Ah,’ Oikawa says, and then, in a rush, ‘if I didn't want a wife at all - what then? If I said that to you. If I told you I can’t see it. Like - the wedding dress. The bride. I just can’t see it.’

Iwaizumi swallows again, his heart beating much faster than the conversation warrants. He wonders whether Oikawa can hear it. ‘You’re eighteen. You aren’t supposed to see it yet.’ He snorts. ‘I mean - if we’re sharing shit, I’ve never even kissed a girl.’ He doesn’t mind admitting it. It’s not something that bothers him - he’s never prioritised girls very highly, and despite Oikawa’s largely undeserved status as Miyagi’s most eligible teenage bachelor, he doesn’t think Oikawa has ever wanted a serious relationship with any of his fan club, either.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi can't sleep before their first practice match with Karasuno.

 Before Midnight, by fathomfive (2k. G. canonverse)

Reads like a fairytale. 

The sky turns, the seasons turn over, and Iwaizumi and Oikawa track the movements of the stars. Nothing is ever quite constant, but it's close enough.

The grass is stiff with frost. They walk in silence past the raked-over vegetable garden and up the back hill, footsteps crackling, and stand side-by-side at the top of an incline that used to seem much bigger. Iwaizumi glances over but Oikawa’s already gone, eyes searching the sky with no hint of hurry, just a kind of reverent patience.

 make a bet, keep a promise, by raewrites (13k. M. canonverse)

Bet still on. 

Sometimes, in still moments, Iwaizumi wonders why out of all the people on earth he ended up with Oikawa Tooru. Why it’s his face that lingers on his fading conscious in the last moments before he falls asleep, in the first blurry seconds upon waking up again. Why when he looks to his side, he expects Oikawa to be there in the same way he expects to see five fingers on both hands, a natural extension of himself, ever present.

Why he can’t imagine a future without Oikawa in it.

It begins with a bet made between the two boys in the mid-summer of their eighth year. It starts with volleyball, but like with most things involving Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime, things are never quite that simple.

 our hearts still beat the same, by knightswatch  

 two birds, by thelittlebirdthattoldyou (5k. T. canonverse)

Of heartbreaking letters and paper crane wishes. 

Five months into the term, two months after he’s stopped replying to Oikawa’s texts, the first package arrives. A small square box, wrapped in brown paper and tied with string, and Hajime almost trips over it on the way to his dorm.

There’s a letter attached.

Oikawa doesn’t know how many times he’ll have to put his feelings down on paper before Iwaizumi believes them. 

Through My Eyes, by anchoringsouls (2k. G. canonverse)

Okay! Okay, we were doing great with the soft, happy love up until the last part! That's great, just great!

“I think if you ever saw yourself through my eyes, you would fall in love with yourself the same way the way I did with you.” 

in time it could be ours, by deusreks (3k. T. canonverse)

Anyone wanna go back in time and make a time capsule with me only to dig it up years later and we’re actually in love?

Set post Seijou's match with Karasuno. There's a moderate amount of rolling in the dirt. No pajamas were hurt in the writing of this fic.

There, in their joint backyard, was Oikawa Tooru, clad in his silly luminescent space pajamas, digging a hole near a cherry tree.

“What the hell, Oikawa.”

Tooru stubbornly continued digging. He looked pitiful in that moment; everything that was grand about him in daylight was meaningless in the darkness. He was only a boy with a shovel whose broken heart mirrored Hajime’s own.

 we can do better than that, by spaceburgers (16k. M. canonverse)

Of course, of course, the IwaOi road trip fic. AnD thErE wAs ONly OnE bED!

Oikawa and Iwaizumi go on a road trip during the summer after their high school graduation. It doesn't go as expected, but maybe that's not such a bad thing after all. 

They Say it Rains Diamonds on Jupiter, by exsao (35k. T. canonverse)

I don't know, just gorgeous. Hajime’s so in love. 

"You're in love with him."

Hajime considers denying it. He considers deliberately choking on his drink to express surprise, to create a distraction by spitting onto the man in front of him's pristine white shirt and causing a commotion. Instead, he swallows his mouthful of soda and heaves a small sigh once his mouth is free.

"Yeah," he says instead.

He's never been good at lying, anyway.

 Midnight boys/sunset town, by carafin (10k words. T. Housemates AU):

The author says they played off of the fact that Oikawa oftentimes forgoes his sleep in order to work, and wrote it so that he doesn't sleep at all. This was so cute, kinda sad, mostly not. Love how Iwaizumi just goes along with whatever crazy stilch Oikawa is on. 

In which Iwaizumi Hajime grows a few chili plants, participates in an eating contest, breaks into a park, and falls in love with a man who doesn't ever sleep - not exactly in that order.

5 Reasons Why Iwaizumi Hajime's Flatmate Is A Complete Weirdo (An Incomplete List)

1. He's obsessed with that stupid bucket list of his.

2. He's the proud owner of seven truly ugly, criminally hideous movie posters with aliens on them, which he insists on pasting all over the damn living room.

3. He's always stealing Hajime's sweatshirts.

4. Sometimes, he wakes Hajime up for breakfast. At 5AM. On Saturday mornings.

5. He literally never, ever sleeps.

 The Best I Ever Had, by FindingSchmomo (62k words. T. Canon-divergent):

You’ve read it, your mum’s read it, your dog has probably read it (you really need to take facial recognition for him off your phone, he’s got some weird nighttime habits). So basically this fic caused me physical pain and then pumped me full of morphine and now I’m good! Beautiful read, hated Oikawa for a while, Iwaizumi is the only boy I would ever feel safe alone with. 

A story of separation and time lost. Oikawa and Iwaizumi lose contact, and life goes on. Now, a decade later and back in Japan, Oikawa wonders if he can pick the pieces back together, despite knowing Iwaizumi has moved on. A story of their past, present and future, pieced together by shaky hands.

 darlin', your head's not on right, by aruariandance (13k words. T. canonverse)

Again, I’m pretty sure anybody who's anybody has read this fic and for good reason! Super sweet realizing you're in love fic. Makes me reconsider wanting to get married. 

'“Our wedding,” Oikawa says by way of explanation, tapping his finger against his magazine more emphatically. “What colors should we use? Color scheme is important, apparently.”

Iwaizumi feels his lifespan shortening.

“I was thinking our Aoba johsai colors to go for more, you know, softer tones? Besides, I’ve always looked great in that sea foam green color. Oh, and I guess you look decent in it, too.” He grins, saccharine sweet, and Iwaizumi has never been so tempted to knock one of his perfect pearly white teeth right out of his stupid mouth."

or,

Oikawa teases Iwaizumi about a childhood promise he made to marry him when they were older, except suddenly it's not really a joke at all.

 the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle, by kittebasu (66k. T. canon divergent)

Is this one of the most famous Iwaoi fic? I don’t know. Looks like it, I know it's my personal favorite. Where Oikawa studies bugs for a living and can’t seem to come to terms with his feelings. Very angsty, love that in a fic. 

Tooru is pretty sure he could manage the mating habits of a mosquito. It’s the mating habits of people he can’t seem to get right.

 Terrarium, by sausaged (11k. T. Post-canon)

Honestly, I’m so surprised this fic doesnt have more hits! It’s so good! Made me ache! I love the memories and character growth shown through the growing of the terrarium, absolutely adore that kind of symbolism. So beautiful, give it some love because it's one of my absolute favorites. 

He's practically a professional at being proactive (lies, lies, and lies when it comes to Iwaizumi).

At this point, is he really happy with just staying best friends forever? Will he be writing journals and collecting rocks forever (he will, he knows, but that is aside from the point)?

Can he really tag his Instagram photos with #YOLO if he doesn't actually put that phrase into practice?

 A story about Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, plants, and rocks.

 Lips like sugar, by ohhotlamb (8k. T. canonverse)

Why did my childhood best friend never offer to help me practice kissing only for us to realize we were only interested in each other? I had a fake high school experience. 

Hajime is offered to learn the art of kissing from a true professional, one Oikawa Tooru. It's not as bad as he thought it would be.

 Falling Slowly, by bravely (commovente) (3k. T. canonverse)

So special, imagine loving one person, and one person only like this for the entirety of your life. This is getting too sappy, I want off of this ride. 

over the years, some things change; but over the years, some things stay mostly the same.

(alternatively, mornings with oikawa and iwaizumi over the years).

 No sleep in the city, by loveclouds (7k. T. canonverse)

Mass/volume = Iwaizumi, apparently. (Please. If anyone gets this absolutely horrific joke, lets elope).

Along their journey to find Tokyo's best ramen, Iwaizumi finds himself asked again and again why Oikawa is still single.

 Time, by surveycorpsjean (5k. E. canonverse)

Growing older together. 

When they're twenty-three, their story only begins.

 Everything With You, by Ellessey (14k. E. canonverse)

Came damn near to crying, you can just feel Iwaizumi’s pain. Fight scene was probably the most emotion evoking one I’ve read in a long while. 

‘Hajime still loves Oikawa, but he understands now. Oikawa can't look at him and see someone he could potentially date.

And that makes it easier to not focus on the little things that used to drive him crazy—Oikawa's long legs, the way he's always hanging off of Hajime, how his whole face changes when he gets ready for a jump serve, and he looks like he could take on the entire world and win.

This new arrangement though, this living together situation, is presenting a new set of variables that must be adjusted to, and the nakedness is one of them.’

--

For years, being Oikawa’s best friend has worked out fine. Hajime is hopelessly in love with him, but it’s enough. Then Oikawa—who, by all accounts, has never been anything but determinedly, assuredly straight—gets a boyfriend. Or a boy friend-with-benefits. Hajime doesn’t know, and he doesn’t give a shit about the definition.

What he knows is that remaining best friends is starting to seem a bit too painful (way too painful) to be considered a solid option.

 The Best Best, by rikke (12k. T. canonverse/future fic)

Takeru is a whole mood. Don’t want kids, but I do want domesticity and this fic feeds me well.

“Congratulations, Iwa-chan! You’re a dad!” Iwaizumi hears as soon as the door opens. He’s dealt with Oikawa for all of his twenty-one years of age now, but this declaration is still sufficiently disturbing enough that he turns from his place on the couch and braces himself for whatever Oikawa has done this time.

 Or the one where Iwaizumi and Oikawa babysit Takeru for a week.

 cheek kisses, by ohhotlamb (G. 3k. Future fic)

Sooo cute!! 

“Every time,” Hajime murmurs, “every time I see you again I remember how fuckin’ crazy I am about you.”

 Routine, by snoqualmie  (2k. T. canonverse)

Again, anyone wanna be my childhood best friend so we can put face masks on each other and fall in love? I died, truly. 

Iwaizumi is fourteen years old, horny too often and angry all the time, and he’s just starting to notice that Tooru’s legs are really long, that his lips are kinda soft looking, and his fingers feel good pressed under his jaw.

 Thirty Years and Change (the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad, by sunsmasher (19k. G. canon divergence)

Be wary, I would give this fic an upper rating to probably Teen and the follow-up fic is Explicit. But, Oikawa on the Japanese national team is just a dream as is, but add in a rekindling friendship and an angsty make out sesh? Mwah, delizioso. 

It’s July 10th, 2024, and Oikawa Tooru is an Olympian. His smiling face airs on an NHK promo every 45 seconds. He’s captain of the national men’s volleyball team, reigning star of the professional leagues, and he hasn't spoken to Iwaizumi Hajime in two years.

He has, however, sent Iwaizumi tickets for the 2024 Los Angeles Summer Games.

“So go,” says Matsukawa's voice. “It’s only a few weeks. You’ve got a whole city to hide in if it gets awkward, and if it doesn’t get awkward, well…”

It’s like watching the future reconfigure, like being in high school again, watching team after team fall to Oikawa’s faultless planning and shameless charm.

“I’ll get to watch a whole lot of volleyball,” Hajime says, and resigns himself to fate and/or Oikawa Tooru.

“Hey, when you get there, can you bag a gymnast for me?” Hanamaki asks, and Matsukawa squawks.

 Chasing Paper Suns, by carafin (10k. T. Future fic)

Again with the growing up and coming back together, this time with more angst than the last. Lovely, really lovely read. 

Post-high school, Oikawa makes it to the national volleyball team but Iwaizumi doesn't. The next three years become an exercise in growing up without growing apart.

Some days Hajime likes to think of himself as Oikawa’s counterpart—the two of them blending into a single devastating unit, the invincible setter and his unyielding ace, the bond between them unbreakable and true. Other days he feels like he is chasing after a rising sun, always running and running with his eyes fixed on the distance, trying to cross a chasm that stretches on without end, caught in an endless and exhausting pursuit.

 the yellow room, by ohhotlamb (14k. T. canonverse/future fic)

Makki and Mattsun see bullshit and call you out on your bullshit. 

“I told you, we broke up like six months ago. We’re not dating anymore.”

Hanamaki eyes him suspiciously. “You live together.”

“Yeah, so?”

“There are pictures of you two kissing stuck to your refrigerator.”

Hajime shrugs. “That wasn’t my idea. Anyways, they’re good pictures. Good lighting.”

 the river runs, by tothemoon (11k. T. post-breakup)

My heart ACHES. Happy ending, promise! Just read it. 

One year since their breakup, Oikawa Tooru starts a list of daily reminders, tips, and tricks called HOW TO FORGET ABOUT IWAIZUMI HAJIME, and he’s determined to make it stick.

—

This is a firsthand account of how to deal (and rather spectacularly, at that).

 I sure hope that guy gets fired, by Xov (29k. T. canonverse/time loop au)

The only thing better than one confession, is MULTIPLE confessions. Oikawa trusts Iwaizumi unshakably, and that's beautiful. 

It was the fourth time experiencing the exact same day that Iwaizumi Hajime reluctantly admitted to himself that something was very wrong. 

 my only friend was the man in the moon (until i met you), by ohhotlamb (7k. T. canonverse)

Just so innocent and sweet. Oikawa said ‘effort’.

In which Oikawa has a life-altering revelation, and Hajime is starting to think it involves him.  

 Bet On It, by originalblue (13k. E. canonverse)

Tooru being nice for a week? That can only end one way… with a d*ck in Hajime’s mouth. 

Hajime knows exactly how shitty Oikawa's personality is, and has no scruples whatsover about betting Oikawa six thousand yen that he can't be nice for an entire week. 

 especially for tender ones like us, by viverella (17k. T. canonverse/post break-up)

Gods! See? See what I mean? How could I forget about a work as heart wrenchingly beautiful as this? Give it some love, actually, all of the love. 

The worst part of it all, Tooru thinks to himself sometimes, is that even as they fought and kicked and screamed and tore each other to shreds, it was never that Tooru stopped loving Iwaizumi any less. The worst part of it all, he thinks, is that loving Iwaizumi turned out to not be enough.

(OR: on finding the right person at the wrong time and learning how to pick up the pieces)

 sunset town, by skiecas (33k. T. canon-divergent)

Another work that I just CANNOT understand why it doesn't have more hits. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I almost cried. 

In the summer of 2020, Oikawa Tooru returns home from his first successful stint as captain of Japan’s national volleyball team. In one hand, he holds the undisputed weight of an Olympic medal, and in the other, his unresolved feelings for a childhood best friend.

Two years down the road, reconciling his lifelong dream with his lifelong love proves to be the greatest challenge.

 of odd numbers and intimate regrets, by bravely (commovente) (5k. T. post-canon/one night stand au)

Basically, Tooru and Hajime sleep together after not speaking for seven years and of course there’s feelings and angst and a belated chance at happiness and a life together. 

Tooru’s spent the last seven years of his life in a carefully constructed schedule that is, he realises now, as much a habit as it was a way to forget about the person in front of him.

[or, the one night stand AU between two people more than friends but not quite lovers, measuring the passage of time in distance and long-gone memories, the expansion and contraction of the spaces between their fingers each time.]

 cross my heart, open wide, by acchikocchi (7k. T. canonverse)

Super cute, super short. Realizing you're on a date with the wrong person one-shot. 

For a minute Hajime doesn't know what to say. Everything and nothing crowds his mind, leaving no room to think. That he's never tried this. That volleyball's over. That he's graduating in five months. That it would be really nice, at least once, to go on a date with a good-looking guy.

 Hajime goes on a date. It's not with Oikawa. 

 Fernweh, by oikawashoyo (19k. G. canonverse/post time skip)

A mature(ish) Tooru?? I love works that show Tooru growing and living happily in Argentina and this one is just beautiful. (Plus! Plus, Skai did a piece on it as well and I love ALL their work so you can visualize everything). Love it. 

Argentina is stretching out before him, an opportunity, a challenge. He is reminded of his losses, his insecurities, his disappointments; sees them form a tall, tall wall blocking his path to success. He takes a deep breath and knows he is going to shatter it.

In which Oikawa's whole life is spent longing for the horizon — in the form of a dream, a home, and a boy.

 i breathe easily in your arms, by orphan_account (2k. M. canonverse)

Soft, soft sex

When, after completing their high school graduation ceremony and heading home to enjoy their freedom, Oikawa had pulled him into his room and pressed his lips hesitantly against Iwaizumi’s own, it seemed an inevitable development in the unfolding narrative of their shared existence.

Despite years of having a bed to himself, the sensation of another body taking up space in his sheets, curling against his chest, creating warmth, feels natural in much the same way.

 old and new, by Mysecretfanmoments (5k. T. canon divergence)

Finally a fic where they don't freak out on confession and it's sweet. 

“You seem—sad.” Was that the right word? Others sprang to mind: desperate, lonely, anxious.

Tooru looked away. “Are you going to make me say it?”

“Say what?”

Tooru folded his arms, sighed. “I missed you, of course.”

Hajime swallowed.

“No need to look that way. I told you, I’m not one of your macho man buddies. I’m allowed to say stuff like that without being embarrassed—”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Hajime complained. “No need to be so defensive. I’ve missed you too.”

“Oh?” Tooru seemed to get a little of his own back, leaning forward on his elbows. “What about me did you miss?”

((Going to separate universities, Hajime and Tooru learn the true meaning of "distance makes the heart grow fonder"))

 all i wanted was you, by spaceburgers (6k. E. college/fwb au)

This was more emotional than I thought a 6k friends with benefits fic could be, okay? Okay. 

Wherein Hajime and Tooru are fuck buddies, Hajime curses his treacherous heart, and Tooru is bad with feelings. 

 we shine like diamonds, by whitemiists (26k. T. canon divergence)

I couldn't not include this work. It deals with internalized homophobia so well and I really resonate with it. 

In all seriousness, I’m very lucky to live in a country where my sexuality is widely accepted and my heart goes out the LGBTQIA+ peoples who are forced to hide themselves. You are loved and your sexuality and gender-identity are not wrong and never will be.  

Oikawa is nine when he first hears the word. The boys on the playground whisper it like it's dirty, like the way they daringly mutter the word fuck and then look over their shoulders to check their parents hadn't heard.

"You know Abe-kun from class?" they snicker, hands cupped around their mouths like they're passing along a filthy secret. "I hear his older brother is... gay."

 Look For Him, by Leryline (18k. E. canonverse)

A collection of kisses. I love Hajime’s grandmother. 

She laughs gently. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so heartbroken before, Hajime.”

Iwaizumi sighs and prods at the mackerel with a chopstick. “Sorry. I can’t help it. It’s just different, you know? Like Oikawa pissed me off so much that now he’s not here I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“But you weren’t always annoyed with him, were you?” his grandmother smiles serenely and takes a sip of her tea. “My, my, Hajime, old women see everything. I saw you out there with my finches, when you were kissing Tooru’s nose. Your mother and father used to do the very same thing, you know, when they were younger. And look how long they’ve lasted. I hope you and Tooru last, Hajime. He’s very good for you.”

-

Oikawa has kissed Iwaizumi more times than either of them can count; it’s a constant thing, their lips never really leaving the other’s skin. There are, however, times when they’ve kissed that are burned into their memories. Eight of them, to be precise.

 film reel life, arsenicjay (8k. T. canon divergence)

Such a unique and creative idea! Reading from the eyes of a camera, so beautiful!

The only person Iwaizumi is lying to is himself, when he insists: I am not in love with Oikawa Tooru. 

 how to let your planets align, by tether (tothemoon) (15k. T. end of the world au)

This is the only remotely non-happy ending fic I will be including on here, and it's purely because it's a gorgeous read. And yes, I ached. Your lips, my lips, apocalypse. 

It is the last day on earth, December 2nd, 1985, when you realize you're in love with him.

[jaerie]

Fic Writer Questions

I was tagged by @allwaswell16​ and @becomeawendybird​

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 125 not counting anons

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 1,311,423

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 

3 fandoms. One Direction, Hanson, Thor.  Wait.  The Moffatts as well.  So 4 I guess..... maybe a few others sprinkled in WAY back in the day.  

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Where Do We Go Now

Just Jump

come on over, we've got something to share

Woke Up Feeling Knotty 

The Post-War BP 

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ummmmm angstiest ENDING?   ummmm maybe the dexter AU?  because it doesn’t really explain much, just gives you an illusion of how things are

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Ummmmmmm pretty much all of them because I get mean comments if it doesnt end the way people want it to.  

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not much.  I did write a Dexter AU... and I’ve wanted to write a bunch, but I just really haven’t.  I guess my wordplay fic this year is technically one!  I don’t know about anything crazy though

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Absolutely.  Dirty, graphic smut.  The kind of smut that will introduce you to new kinks and make you question your whole life up to that point.  

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

It’s like new years resolutions.  I always say I’m going to... and then............ My intention is to answer comments but it just becomes A LOT.  And I never know what to say other than “thank you for reading!” unless its something specific I can comment on.  Soooo I guess my anxiety says it’s better not to comment than to just say generic thank yous.  I miss the LJ days when you’d write novel comments for each chapter and then have a long thread back and forth with the author fangirling over specific scenes or wording or plot point or a particular line that struck you... but Ao3 just isn’t that kind of community really.  

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Sure have!  I’ve had some of the nastiest things thrown at me both directly and indirectly.  Mainly by entitled people sitting behind computer screens sending me pissy comments on anon because I didn’t write the fic the way they wanted it to be written tailored to their preferences and fantasies.  Or people who are all WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN type hate comments.  

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes.  They used to pop up on Wattpad a lot.  I even had someone repost on Ao3.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve found translations up on Wattpad before... but the above reason is exactly why I don’t allow translations.  That and because (and this is no offense to ANYONE who is multilingual, that is impressive!) I don’t trust that the story and feelings and emotions would be translated correctly. 

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Kind of?  But not in a serious cowriting situation.  It was moreso just for fun in the past but I think I’m too much of a control freak over where I want plots and characters to go.  

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Harry and Louis probably.  I’ve never written so many fics for any other fandom nor was I ever so consistent on reading a specific pairing before.  They just fit.  I don’t really have another explanation.  

15) What��s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m going to get tomatoes thrown at me if I say which one I’m really thinking of :-x but I have plenty of half finished fics in my google docs that I want to but will never finish because of hate comments or things people have said about it that stomped all over my excitement.  Like this one fic I won’t be too specific on because certain people will know what I’m talking about and I’m not out here to call out the person who did this... but it was a hybrid fic and in a group chat we were explaining hybrids and I shared artwork I found explaining how I envisioned hybrids in my head and someone in the chat said “that’s not a hybrid, that’s a furry” and the way it happened basically made me want to delete every hybrid fic I’ve ever posted and made me abandon the whole thing even though I’d already written 30k of it and it was GRAND.  God I loved that idea so fucking much.  A certain someone asks about it now and then... but yea.  That’s the real reason I abandoned it and will never finish it even if I sometimes want to.  Actually I might have deleted it during one of the #darktimes a few months ago.  RIP to all the fic beginnings and fragments and nearly finished masterpieces that fell victim to the massacre.  

16) What are your writing strengths?

World building?  Smut?  Emotion?  This is hard because the things people probably think I do well are probably things I think I suck at.  

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

English.  And double spaces.  I will take those to my fucking grave.  Fight me.  

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I.... don’t.  Because of above.  Someone will tell me I’m wrong which my brain will translate as you’re dumb and should never attempt to write words in anyt language again LOL but for real.  The fear of messing it up is too strong.  

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Hanson

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Hard one... All of my favourite fics are also fics that I know could have been better had I dedicated more time to them or been more patient before rushing to post.  Doing that sort by kudos thing above really shocked me that some of my least favourite or meh fics are the most popular

In no particular order, here are some of my favourites through the years:

Old Photographs & Times I'll Remember 

Sisterwives

High Heels, Red Dress 

Tonight's the Night 

As We Were, As We Are 

The Wilds 

OmegaVision

Captain Jack 

Saving's What I Need 

Stay Close, Hold Steady

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[spin-birdie]

who wants to have a DREADFUL time

you hear that? its the sound of me crackin my bones and blowing dust off my keyboard in preparation of posting Cringe Fics From My Fail Brain

word count: 2140

pairings: n/a

rating: explicit

additional tags: i refuse to categorise them again. phoenix gets a tentacle dildo as a joke christmas gift and then he uses it. this doesnt deserve additional tags. except for crack treated seriously. also theres a bit of choking so give this a miss if youre not into that

its under the cut but you can just read it on ao3 here

At first glance, Phoenix has no idea what he’s holding. Everyone else in the room is silent for a moment as he turns the object around in his hand, perplexed. Then three things happen in rapid succession; first, Larry laughs so sharply it sounds like he’s going to pass out from the force. Then everyone else in the room erupts into shocked laughter. Finally, Phoenix realises Larry gave him a fucking dildo for Christmas.

He drops it back into the box it came in with an indignant shout, like even touching the thing had burned his soul. He glares at Larry, who’s leaning on the arm of the couch in a futile attempt to stay upright. His laughter has dissolved into coughing and wheezing. Everyone else seems to be in a similar state, either cackling so hard they’re about to fall over or exchanging stunned, silent glances with each other.

Phoenix isn’t sure why he expected anything else from a frat house full of drunk college students.

He glances back down at the box in his lap. Then he looks back up. Then he remembers it’s been a while since he’s said anything and everyone’s still looking in his general direction. “Larry, what-- why?!”

The embarrassment in his voice just makes Larry laugh harder. The poor idiot’s face is so red Phoenix thinks for a moment he’s actually going to collapse and die right there. At this moment, he’d probably be okay with that.

Larry composes himself just enough to say something like, “You keep talking about how lonely you are, so I figured…” before breaking down again. “Ev-Everyone else got a legit gift and a joke gift, so like…”

“Huh? A joke--? This thing’s the size of my arm, Larry!”

Another bout of giggles fills the room. Phoenix can feel the tips of his ears burning. Forget Larry, at this point he’d welcome it if death wanted to claim him right this second.

He buries his face in his hands, staring down at the incriminating object between the cracks in his fingers. It looks well-made, and that might be the worst part, if only because it implies Larry spent a lot of money on a fucking prank gift. There’s a nearly metallic-looking sheen to the thing, and the swirling sandy/aqua pattern reminds Phoenix of the ocean, to his chagrin. But those traits are more or less overshadowed by the fact that it’s a fantastically crafted dildo shaped like a fucking tentacle that’s as wide as a soda can at its base and about twice as tall. Phoenix has so many more questions about this thing, but he’s sure the answers would only leave him with questions he doesn’t want answers to.

Someone else starts tearing open a present, and the crowd’s attention turns to her. Phoenix doesn’t pay as much attention as he should.

Let it go. It’s just a prank gift, Phoenix tells himself. No one expects him to use the thing. It’s that simple.

---

It should be that simple. But it’s been about a week since that party and Phoenix keeps thinking about the blue tentacle-shaped sex toy taking up space in his closet.

He looks up the price at some point, just out of curiosity. It’s fairly easy to find the online store it was bought from; the box was open when Phoenix unwrapped it, but the packaging inside was mostly intact, and there was a care guide with the store’s logo on it to boot.

He balks when he sees the base price listed as somewhere around $55, but then he realises it costs even more to increase the size. If Phoenix had to guess, Larry spent at least $100 on this thing, probably more with tax and shipping costs.

Upwards of $100 on a stupid prank gift. Sounds like a thing Larry would do.

Phoenix should probably close the tab right there, but for whatever reason, he doesn’t. He hits the back button and scrolls down the store page a little more and sees a lot of products that make even the tentacle thing look fairly tame in comparison. He knows he’s blushing harder the longer he stays on the site, and keeps thinking ‘holy shit, I didn’t really want to know that was a kink that exists’ or ‘how is that even remotely pleasurable?’ every few minutes, but he still doesn’t click off until he’s hit the bottom of the page. If anyone asks, he’ll just chalk it up to morbid curiosity.

Of course that explanation doesn’t hold up so well an hour later when Phoenix is jerking himself off in the shower, but no one needs to know about that.

---

Two weeks after the party, Phoenix takes the box out of his closet.

He almost thinks about opening it about a dozen times, but always remembers at the last moment about some chore that needs doing, or some file he needs to fill out, or that email he’s waiting for that definitely hasn’t come in the last three minutes but surely it can’t hurt to check again anyway. He knows he’s stalling. He can’t be bothered stopping himself.

Ultimately he ends up taking a shower to calm down and prepare himself for what he’s inevitably going to do this evening. It’s fine, he thinks to himself. It was an expensive gift, after all. It’d be a shame to spend that much money on something that’s going to stay in his closet forever, so why not use it just once?

Lord, Phoenix is so fucked. A statement that will be very, very literal within the hour. God.

There’s about an hour gap between Phoenix taking the box out and actually opening it. After that, he’s pretty sure he takes another ten minutes to undress since he’s too busy staring at the dildo like it’s betrayed him somehow.

At long last, he actually picks the cursed thing up for the first time in two weeks. It’s heavy and firm, yet there’s some give to it. He wraps both hands around the shaft, and there’s a good inch or so he can’t even reach and he can feel the unfamiliar texture of the suckers beneath his hands and he suddenly feels even more daunted than he was before, if that’s even possible.

Before he really knows what he’s doing, he brings the tip up to his lips and lets it rest inside his mouth. It’s warmer than Phoenix expects, the weight against his tongue unusually comforting. He can feel the suckers lining the underside of the tentacle, the silicone yielding when he presses his teeth against it lightly. A low, needy sound escapes him and he pulls his mouth away. There’s an unpleasantly clinical aftertaste, which is the only thing that reminds Phoenix he should probably wash the damn thing before doing anything else with it.

(Washing it does give him a chance to get more acclimated to the texture, even if he can’t stop thinking about what it will feel like inside him.)

He’s not sure how long he’s been at half-mast, but once he’s lying in bed and actually takes himself in hand he’s completely hard and leaking precum in a matter of minutes. Fortunately, he’s a little too far gone to be embarrassed about it. He gets worryingly close to the edge before he remembers his real goal and moves his hand up to rest on his stomach instead. He looks down at the toy next to him and swallows thickly.

No turning back now.

He’s not sure how much lube to use on a toy with this much texture, so he uses more than what’s probably necessary. He spreads his legs, starts stroking himself slowly and takes a sharp breath when the tip of the toy nudges his perineum before settling in front of his entrance.

The toy slips in with less resistance than Phoenix expects, though he’s still glad he prepped in the shower earlier. He shivers, bearing down against it as it fills him up. At first it doesn’t feel like much; not bad, not mindblowing. It does remind Phoenix how long it’s been since he had anything to fill him besides his fingers and the one vibrator he lost the remote for.

A little more of the toy slides in, and Phoenix’s breath catches when he feels the suckers. He swears they feel even more pronounced than they did before. Phoenix clenches around the dildo, squeezes his own dick, tries to remember how to breathe evenly. He doesn’t know how full he actually is. He’s certain he’s not going to take the whole thing because that would be really fucking ambitious even for him, but…

He adjusts his grip on the dildo, pulls it out a bit, pushes it back in even further--

“Oh-- Fuck--!”

He knew there was a bit of a curve to it, but christ does it make a difference when he changes the angle and the tip of the tentacle nudges against his prostate a bit too hard and it feels like someone just set off a firecracker behind his navel and it’s just on the wrong side of painful. He has to stop and breathe again before he chases the feeling.

Before he knows it he’s rocking his hips until he finds the angle again and the tip catches his prostate again and it’s uncomfortable for a few seconds and then it’s not and, and…

Phoenix keens high in the back of his throat, throwing his head back against his pillow in a needless effort to muffle himself. It’s almost scary how fast he starts to unravel after that. His legs shake uncontrollably, he’s rocking against the toy, losing himself to the delicious pressure against his prostate and the sensation of being filled up more and more, and every time he remembers he’s fucking himself on a fucking tentacle he almost breaks apart entirely. The hand that isn’t guiding the toy around can’t stay still, moving to wrap around Phoenix’s straining cock or dig into the sheets beside his head or press down on his stomach or flick across his nipples.

It’s so much. It’s almost too much but Phoenix would rather die than stop moving. He’s not sure how much of the tentacle has worked its way inside him. His whole body trembles at the thought. He knows he’s panting at this point, vaguely aware he’s whispering to himself, but fuck if he has a clue what he’s actually saying.

He thinks he’s close. Scratch that, he’s very fucking close all of a sudden; it’s like a switch was flipped and Phoenix is hyper-aware of his body. The mounting pressure just under his navel, the ache in his legs from being tense for so long, the pain in his wrist. His body feels like a live wire. He just needs one more push and he’ll fall off the edge completely.

Phoenix lets go of the toy with a sigh, pushes himself further up the bed. He cants his hips until he feels the tentacle shift inside him just hard enough that he throws his head back with a gasp.

He’s not quite riding it, and it’s a little harder to keep a steady pace from this angle, but it leaves both his hands free. He reaches for himself again and strokes himself hard and slow, squeezing the head on every upstroke in that way that leaves him gasping for breath. His other hand rests against his throat, fingers pressing against the arteries on either side until he’s even more lightheaded.

His tongue feels heavy and useless, his entire body is convulsing, right there on the precipice and it’s too much, not enough, too much, too good--

He thinks he might actually die when he comes. It’s hard to say. It’s one of those full-body orgasms; something that saps all the energy out of him and concentrates it into raw pleasure that spreads through every inch of his body until he’s left boneless, exhausted, and pleasantly numb.

Phoenix barely moves for the next few minutes. It’s all he can do to lie still and catch his breath as he winds down from easily the biggest orgasm he’s had in months.

When he does try to move, he realises with a start the dildo is inside him, nestled against his prostate and abrading his raw nerves as cum dries on his chest and stomach. He shivers with a near-silent moan as he pulls the toy out, leaving him empty and wanting.

He tosses the dildo aside and lies back against the bed with a groan. He knows he needs to clean up sooner or later…but there’s no reason it can’t be later.

Phoenix would never admit it to a single living soul, but he thinks he’s just found a new favorite toy.

[chocosvt]

||↠11 questions tag 🖋

tagged by: @mansaeboysbe and @sunnysidewrites! thnk u my lovs.

tagging: @whatsoodo , @bfwooz , @jishua , @teeyongs + anyone else who wants to answer the questions. ill leave my own 11 for u to answer at the bottom of the post.

it’s been awhile since ive last done a tag game. i know tht im still behind on quite a few erfhnerf but ill try my best to take more initiative w/ these things. also disclaimer; sorry if my answers are kilometers long, it should be fairly obvious at this point i never shut the fuck up.

anyways, here are the q’s im answering in case u wanna see a specific answer :^)

01: weirdest present you have recieved? 02: coloured pencils, markers, or crayons? 03: what colour would you dye your hair? 04: which concept would you pick for which group? 05: sweet or sour candy? 06: favourite quirk on an idol? 07: would you rename a fandom? 08: something you want to tell your bias? 09: kpop MV you would want and not want to get stuck in? 10: an AU you’ve always wanted to write? 11: use memes to describe 2017 and how you want 2018 to go.

[01]. weirdest present you’ve ever received?

my pals and i always exchange weird presents for one another’s birthdays! it’s pretty much a tradition at this point, tho im not sure when or how it began? im pretty sure my last birthday card had caillou on it or something lol, and at one point we got our pal a can of peaches, a container of straws, tissue packages n a remote control, all with lil puns on them.

but the weirdest gift ive ever recieved? uhh, it was probably this miniature cotton candy machine tht my friends spent way too much on, primarily bc we only used it the day i opened it. u took hard candies and put them in the machine and eventually they would be spun into the actual floss tht makes cotton candy. it was cool but my mom threw it out eventually lol.

[02]. coloured pencils, markers, or crayons?

definitely coloured pencils. markers and crayons don’t rly have an exact tip. well, unless ure using a fine-tip marker. and there’s something rly satiating abt having sharp, clean writing or outlining. i was the kid who outlined all my fucking drawings and shaded them in with coloured pencils. miss me w/ tht crayon, marker shit. also, the sound wood makes when its being sharpened? tht was my favourite part.

[03]. if you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be?

honestly ive never thought of dying my hair. i like the colour how it is, which is sort of a darker blonde/slightly goldish shade. im not sure what would fit my face? i can only see myself going beach blonde. i feel like any other colour would be a disaster on my hair and i already damage it enough bc i straighten it every few days.

[04]. which concept would you pick for which group?

i know clc just did a badass concept with their “crystyle” album (which is one of the best albums of 2017 so jot tht the fuck down) and i absolutely adore their cute concepts as well bc we got bops like “pepe” n “high heels” BUT GOD I WANT THEM TO DO ANOTHER BADASS CONCEPT I BECAME ADDICTED TO IT. IT K*LLED ME TO SEE SEUNGHEE IN ALL BLACK WEARING THOSE THIGH-HIGH BOOTS I DI*ED THEN RESURRECTED IN THE SAME BREATH. i find them to be super versatile, they can go either way and ill support them no matter the concept. their quality of music never decreases. but yep, id pick another badass concept for the ladies.

[05]. sweet or sour candy?

sweet sweet sweet!! to be fair i luv pretty much all candies, minus jolly ranchers bc ive consumed so many of them tht if i see another fucking jolly rancher i will strap myself to a rocket. ANYWAYS, definitely sweet. my favourite candies (not keeping chocolate in mind bc chocolate overrules everything) would be swedish berries and werther’s caramel. for sour candies i would choose sour patch kids and sour keys!! obviously i would d*e for candy so let’s just get tht out of the mf’ way.

[06]. favourite quirk of an idol?

oh gosh. imma have 2 think for this one. the image tht comes to me exactly is junhui’s tendency to curl into whoever is next to him! most likely when he does something embarrassing, he retreats into a tiny mass of stuffy giggling and sis, it’s the best thing on the face of this planet. he’s rly such a shy flower. also, joshua’s habit of covering his mouth when he laughs is v v endearing to me. i believe it goes to show his politeness, though it can also be a characteristic of someone who’s timid, to which i think both reasons apply here. i wish i could think of more bc im certain there are a ton belonging 2 my favourite idols, but im highkey drawing a blank.

[07]. would you rename a fandom? what would the name be?

hmm. im not someone who pays close attention to fandom names. hoshi could have very well kept us as mounteens and i wouldnt give a single cherry n a half, though at this point carats is a lot more fitting and we’ve all grown attached to it. honestly, im not tht keen on red velvet and fx’s fandom names? i know tht in red velvet’s case the option “cupcakes” was up for grabs so when in comparison to reveluv’s i’m pretty thankful the latter was chosen. im not entirely sure what i would name the fandom, so respect to whoever is in charge of the titling. as for fx, they deserved to get their fanclub name much sooner. again im not someone who cares a whole lot abt fandom names, but it would have been cool if the fandom was some mathematical formula lol.

[08]. something you want to tell your bias?

BITCH. THE PRESSURE. if i were 2 meet junhui in person i would be such a nervous wreck i wouldnt even trust myself to speak. boi, if i even spotted him on the street i’d beeline in opposite direction so fast i would just be a fucking blur of light and potential tears. there would be many things i’d want to relay to him, honestly if we were just to hang out at a café or some location like tht with the time to talk and understand one another, i’d be like “hold tht thought, gerald” n drop a whole fucking novel on the table with reasons i appreciate him. i guess i’d want junhui to know how his efforts have certainly been acknowledged and that each quirk in his personality brings a lot of comfort/inner happiness to those who are still unsure abt themselves.

i’d also like for him to know tht whilst his visual is amazing, tht is not the only remarkable thing tht makes junhui, junhui. it’s his kindness, gentle heart, and optimism. essentially i’d want him to know tht his hard work is being noticed, how much delight he brings by being himself, and tht he has many qualities he should be confident in.

[09]. which kpop M/V would you want, and not want, to get stuck in?

i’ve already answered the first half 2 this question in a previous ask, but red velvet’s ice cream cake! it has to be one of my all-time favourite music videos solely bc i luv the usage of soft colours. not to mention they’re having hella fun with their fuzzy glow-coats and dancing around a parlour eating cake? like what the fuck, i don’t know what kind of cult this is but i want in! also tht means i would get to be joy’s lesbian luver and nothing else brings me greater elation.

a kpop music video i would not want to get stuck in is exo - wolf. there doesnt need to be an explanation. we already know the answer.

[10]. which AU have you always wanted to write but haven’t?

okay, first of all, bitch. there are abt one million au’s i wanna explore so inexplicably bad but i just havent gotten the time or the energy to compile the research/plan the plot. for starters, since opening this blog over two years ago, ive always wanted to write something with a serial killer. which sounds a bit scary and fucked but i absolutely lov thriller/horror movies. ive watched pretty much all of them. i find the suspension and how the scenes manipulate your body to be something unique in tht moment and to build the talent to be able to write such an AU would be my mf’ goal. it would most likely be very long and graphic, but my descriptive brain would chew tht up.

more au’s bordering along the dark line would be ghosts, vampires and demons. those are most fascinating to me. if a softer light, i’d like to write a surfer!au (specifically for joshua) and an android!au.

[11]. use a meme to describe how your 2017 went and how you want your 2018 to go.

my 2017 was somethin like this:

and i’d like my 2018 to be a lil like this:

[MY QUESTIONS]

01: would you rather explore outer space or the ocean? 02: do you wear any makeup? 03: two idol groups you’d like to collab? 04: if you could only listen to three svt songs, what would they be? 05: dusk or dawn? 06: show a picture of your handwriting? 07: what is your favourite word that’s in another language? 08: the countryside or the city? 09: what’s better in a muse, humour or kindness? 10: choose three idols. one to be your best friend, bro/sis, and spouse. 11: something you didnt do in 2017 that you want to do in 2018?

don’t feel tht this tag is mandatory! i hope everyone has been staying healthy n well n i wish for u all 2 experience good things in the new year! <3

[zanebsyi385-blog]

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[actuallyasexual]

Re: “Cut Riverdale Some Slack”

I found a Riverdale defense post written by unsungunbridled in the asexuality tag. I want to address the post, but the defense post is quite long. Therefore, I hope to address some of the issues I have with it here. 

Whatever the case, I feel that it is critical to address some of the attitudes and assumptions made about asexuality and how within fandom spaces people need to listen to asexual voices when it involves our representation. 

Before I begin, I want to make a few things clear: I am an aromantic asexual person. I am speaking about this as such. I am making no assumptions about the OP’s identity, merely I am discussing how their argument effects me. 

I invite them to engage in discussion with me if they wish, though they are not required to respond to this post. I understand if they feel uncomfortable in doing so, though this post is not meant to be hostile. 

Normally I would not respond separately like this. In my defense, I considered the fact that they posted their defense in our community tags as well as screenshot someone expressing discontent over erasure on twitter. 

Therefore, I believe that it’s fair and justifiable to address this here in a space where I am most comfortable and able of addressing at length the issues concerning us without adding to the notes of said defense post. 

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s begin:

The post is called “Cut Riverdale some slack. There is no asexuality erasure going on in that show.” They screenshot a tweet stating “oh my god and you support asexual erasure too. Colour me surprised.” in order to challenge it. 

They follow with: 

[Caption: “Since I’ve had it with Riverdale and Bughead getting hate due to accusations of asexuality erasure, I’ve crafted a wall of argument to try and shut it down. Colour me pumped.”]

Two major implications of such a statement concern me. One, that the show (Riverdale) and the ship (“Bughead;” referring to Jughead x Betty) “getting hate” is qualitatively worse than asexual erasure. Two, that they have the power to “craft a wall” and “shut down” our concerns. 

Furthermore, these two implications tell me two things. One, that our erasure doesn’t matter. Two, that it’s okay to speak over a-spec people voicing their issues with something and to create barriers that make it that much more difficult for us to fight for fair representation. 

Let’s continue:

They assume two things must happen in order for asexual erasure to be valid. Those two things are: 1) Jughead is asexual and 2) Riverdale represents him as someone who is not asexual. They state:

[Caption: On the surface, the above seem to concur, and Jughead’s asexuality is indeed being erased. But when we contextualize the matter within the history of Jughead’s character over the years of the Archie franchise, we’ll see that the accusation being thrown around recently is actually just a statement made out of a set of nitpicked facts put together to present faslehood.]

Here, I have highlighted some of the more alarming statements. “On the surface” implies that we’re simply not looking at the issue deep enough. This ignores the fact that many asexuals are discontent with their asexuality constantly being shoved into the background or ignored entirely. An “on the surface” lack of representation is still a serious issue!

In addition, our dissatisfaction is being blamed on “nitpicking facts” to present a “falsehood.” As asexual people, we’re seeing a critical part of a character’s identity being ignored. That’s not “nitpicking.” Our asexuality is important to us, and defending that importance by adding nuance to past interpretations of his character is not “presenting a falsehood.” It’s an interpretation.

This is a very length post, as the defense post is also lengthy and I have a lot to address. So, I’ll be putting the rest under a read more.

They go on to list earlier interpretations of Jughead, to show the range of interpretations that have impacted his grown and reincarnation over the years. The problem with this is that it ignores how past interpretations of asexuality surfaced in popular media, how comics frequently suffer continuity issues, and how none of his past interpretations change the fact that he’s asexual now. 

I’ll talk about the interpretations they’ve listed: 

First, let’s talk about the first one. It isn’t just that Jughead “could be” viewed as asexual in 2016. He is. They decided to make it explicitly clear that Jughead was asexual, and they coded him as aromantic with the possibility of being demiromantic in the future. [x] It’s reasonable to argue that a modern TV version of him should be based on a modern interpretation of Jughead. 

In a 1969 interpretation, Jughead's aversion to women and obsession with food is chalked up to his "fear of women." This doesn’t conflict with an asexual interpretation. It’s merely a means for writers who are not asexual to rationalize why someone would enjoy food more than romantic or sexual relationships. Even in this version, Jughead’s behavior isn’t foreign to asexual people.

It’s common for people who are not asexual or aromantic to rationalize why people like us don’t experience sexual or romantic attraction. Sometimes, that is rationalized in a somewhat comedic fashion while other times it’s personal tragedy that makes use “who we are.” Either way, there have always been people trying to figure us out. These old interpretations are rationalizations.

Yet, as asexual and aromantic people we understand that someone can come to the realization that they’re asexual and/or aromantic in a wide variety of circumstances. It can be related to “heartbreak.” My own traumatic experiences have influenced my aromanticism. It doesn’t invalidate it, and interpreting Jughead as asexual for 75 years isn’t a false statement:

[Caption: Meaning, there are more than one canon explanations for Jughead’s general aversion to women, romance, and physical intimacy. So very absolute statements like this...

[pictured here: a tweet stating “hes been asexual for 75 years. just because they announced it this past year doesnt mean it hasn’t existed for decades]

...are false.] 

...because everything mentioned before falls within the realm of asexual and/or aromantic experience, with the exception of continuities that were created to explore “what if” situations (e.g. “What if Jughead liked girls?” “What if Jughead fell in love?” and so on) That’s where having an understanding of comics comes into play -- comic book writers past and present love playing with “what ifs”...

This can be a fun approach to take with fan favorites once in a while, but it can also be the bane of dedicated comic book fan’s existence. Also, favoring a continuity where writers thought it would be fun to position a character who is odd or different or even marginalized in a way that downplays or alters that experience can be pretty harmful to who that character represents. 

Also, you are dealing with an older comic. Asexual people have always existed, but the language we use for our community is fairly recent (within the past twenty years.) How people viewed us in the past, impacted how they represented us in fiction. You’re not (easily) going to find someone saying they’re asexual in a comic that occurred 75 years ago. 

So, while Jughead’s “recurring aversion to women, romance, and physical intimacy” could have been rationalized in different ways over 75 years. It doesn’t change the fact that his experiences have been common to asexual people for 75 years, and that the rationalizations given for his aversion to all of this don’t invalidate the possibility of him being asexual for that entire time. 

This is all a very manipulative way of working around the issue, because the two issues presented do concur. Jughead is canonically confirmed as asexual in the most recent incarnation of the character. Riverdale takes inspiration from the recent incarnation of Archie comic book characters. Riverdale showrunners have expressed no intention in making Jughead’s asexuality canon for TV. [x] [x] 

So, the whole “there is no asexual erasure in Riverdale” tone taken in the defense post is frankly absurd to me. Yeah, okay, there’s no erasure happening and there’s no war in Ba Sing Se, either. Hundreds of asexual people, especially aromantic asexual people, are up in arms for no reason. We’re just here to hate on a show and a ship for no apparent reason. 

Now, let’s talk about critical reactions to this and the defense against these critical reactions. I’m not sure how up to date the OP is in asexual representation in popular fiction, but the fact of the matter is that our representation is practically non-existent in popular fiction. This isn’t about “sexuality politics” as much as it’s about asexual people needing representation. 

We matter more than your show. We matter more than your ship. Our feelings in regards to the show are more important and should be prioritized when it comes to discussing asexual representation. It doesn’t matter if writers can “play” with identity, because we are well aware of that. It matters that they feel like they need to in order to make their stories interesting. 

It’s a problem when changing or omitting Jughead’s sexual identity reinforces tropes that harm asexual people. It’s a problem when they’re responsible for how a larger audience views us and interprets our existence as living breathing asexuals and aromantics. I’m frankly not concerned with the impact my voice has on the show’s success when the show can impact my life.

So, again, to state something like the following:

[Caption: So your false accusation of sexuality erasure can do some serious damage to the show you are lambasting. Your accusation can pick up bad press. Your accusation can have outsiders -- potential fans, additional viewers -- turning down Riverdale before they even give the show a chance; hell, before the show even gets its chance. (a jughead arc where he explores his asexuality, anyone?)

...prioritizes the show over asexual and aromantic people, with the added bonus of villianizing and guilt-tripping asexual and aromantic people voicing their issues with the show. Finally, it baits asexuals suggesting that if we just behave ourselves then maybe they’ll respect our identity. OP, you’re preferencing a show over our existence and that’s not okay. 

This entire defense post derails from reasons why asexual and aromantic people are fighting so hard for our representation, and undermines our value. We as a people will always be more important than the success of a TV show, and we shouldn’t have to grovel or be nice about the erasure or misrepresentation of our experiences. 

It was really bold of you to step into our community to defend a TV show like this. Really. You put a lot of effort into explaining yourself, but not much of it was considerate of asexual and aromantic people. Ultimately, this really wasn’t your place, OP, and in the process you’ve presented us as nitpicking liars who need to learn how to play nice in order to avoid erasure and gain respect.