#explaining our current mental state was not easy

[the-colours-system]

You guys ok?

(Britain btw)

Ace is stgupid

She trfried to kill us:(

[letmeinimafairy]

The making of painted stones

Well, a few times I was asked to show the process of miniature paintings on stones, and here is my first attempt to capture and explain it. Warning - I only have my phone's camera at my disposal, so the quality is not very good.

Firstly - an idea for the image. Every stone has something in its pattern that can be a starting point for developing an imagery. The stone I picked for this one is a beautiful Picasso jasper, and in this case I was looking for a stone for a specific idea I've already had in mind. Spontaneous improvisation dictated by the stone's pattern is also great but I decided to pick something more definitive for better illustrating the process.

This jasper's pattern already has outlines that can be developed into a landscape without painting it over too much. I don't like it when stones are just mindlessly covered by slapping a random image on it, ignoring the colours, textures and patterns.

Here's the idea - ruins of an amphitheatre overgrown with red gladioluses. I know, I know, but I'm very interested in the initial mystical sacrificial background of gladiators. So here it is, arena covered in red, swords in the sand, but it's finally quiet.

Before we start, a stone must be varnished - minerals are porous, and lacquer smoothes its surface. I paint with tempera - most artists who work in lacquer miniatures use oils, but tempera allows quicker process, which is important for me. I'm autistic and my executive dysfunction makes working with oils difficult - my sudden bursts of activity won't match with drying timings and such. So, tempera for me.

Starting with sketching the outlines of the ruins and painting our light source, the sun and red clouds. I'm trying to work with a palette that the stone already has and make the painting as harmonious as possible.

Erasing auxiliary lines as we continue.

Done with the first layer - the walls and the sky. After the paint dries, I apply varnish (I use Novol clearcoat, car varnish - it's very durable). There can be as many layers as you need.

Now - the flowers and details.

After the painting is finished, it'll need several layers of varnish. And some fine sandpaper (1500) in-between the finishing layers for better grip.

And here it is! time to think abou a necklace for this one.

I'm not sure how useful I can be and what aspects you would like to know, so feel free to ask. I'm not sure I can make a good enough video with my current phone, so this'll have to wait. I tried to skip all the musings about ideas and finding stories, but whatever. And the time needed for work - I don't know. There was a month-long pause in the making of this one, due to a couple of emergencies that knocked me down for some time, and it's not easy for me in general due to my mental state - sometimes I can make a painting in two days, sometimes it takes years, nothing is certain with me, especially now. But well, here's what I do.

[furiousgoldfish]

I'm noticing that adults are often very offended when they see a child who has something they themselves didn't have in their childhood. I've had someone randomly start ranting about how their own grandchildren have 'too much toys', and how they don't appreciate any of it. They went on to explain how they, as a child, only had one toy, and they had to play with that one alone. They're also upset that children can now use phones, which also wasn't an option in their own childhood.

This is concerning to me, because while busy noticing all the things that children have, which are toys and phones, people don't tend to notice the things we had that are no longer available to the new generations. Planet free of pollution, free of climate change, adults got to experience that. Economy that isn't in this bad of a state, availability of jobs, education being worth something, financial safety, probability of owning a home. All of this has critically declined and turned into unstable, unreliable and difficult to manage situation for children, to the point where there's no clear path to a safe future anymore, for anyone. Current children have to invent jobs and find a way to produce a safe future without relying on an existing path, something that was available for most of the population in the past.

And the availability of phones and toys is not necessarily a luxury; back then nobody had a phone, or a mountain of toys, so it would be unusual and privileged for just one child to have it. But when everyone has that, it would be unusual and almost humiliating not to have it. The prices of these had reduced, they're more available and easy to get. The phones connected to the internet will ensure that the child will be exposed to a lot of information every day, and they'll have to find a way to deal with all that, it can become overwhelming and damage their attention span and emotional stability, if they're constantly exposed to distressing or disturbing information, which often finds its way to kids.

What will it mean for their life, if they had toys and phones as kids, but later on, they don't have a safe job? They can't hope to have a home of their own? They are not at freedom to financially plan their futures, their families, they have to depend on their own parents or relatives to get by? What will it feel like when they can't count on the climate and safe and reliable food sources? What when they're suffocated by the financial demands of just staying alive and fed? What if they don't have anyone to help financially? What if they're rendered mentally ill by the stress and perils happening in the world, all of it so close to them via constant overload of pain and suffering?

Having toys and phones is nothing compared to having an experience of a safe, stable, predictable life, on a planet with a normal, stable climate. We failed to secure this to our children. We have no business being jealous that they now have a phone.

[vynegar]

vyn 5th birthday ssr, part two

let’s check in on vyn now, shall we?

same disclaimers from part one

youtube link to ShiroNaya’s video of the card story

links to previous parts: one

more tot stuff here

do not repost

[PART TWO]

[15:01] Themis Law Firm

Kiki: But… how could that be?!

Kiki looked at me as the comments onscreen rapidly multiplied. I realized that I had to do something, but I was still frozen in shock.

Kiki: W-with so many viewers, this has to be grounds for defamation.

However, Kiki had overlooked something – if what Zheng Yan said was true, then as a public figure, Vyn was also subject to public scrutiny.

MC: …

With the situation becoming more complex, I picked up my phone and hurriedly called Vyn.

[over the phone]

Vyn: Hello…?

The phone rang several times before he responded. Based on the raspiness of his voice, Vyn had likely just woken up.

MC: Sorry Vyn, did I wake you up from your nap?

Vyn: It is fine. I just woke up…

MC: Listen, there’s…

It seemed like he still didn’t know what had transpired. I hastily tried to explain, but was immediately interrupted by a disturbance from his side of the call. Amidst the shouting, I could hear the crisp sound of glass being broken.

MC: What’s happening?!

Vyn: Hold on. There are some matters here that I must attend to. I will call you back later.

His voice faded away, probably due to him holding the phone away from himself.

MC: Vyn—

In a rare instance, Vyn hung up the call before allowing me to respond. Although I didn’t know what had happened, it was obvious that the chaos on his end was related to Zheng Yan’s livestream. I had to do something, and as for what exactly that “something” was, I could figure it out on the way there. My top priority was seeing Vyn.

Kiki: Hey, MC, where are you going?

MC: Kiki, could you tell Celestine that I’m taking the day off?

[16:25] Giannovyn Mental Health Research Center

Reporter A: Mr. Richter, do you have anything to say about Mr. Zheng’s allegations in his livestream?

Reporter B: Mr. Richter, have you induced or coerced confessions before?

Reporter C: Mr. Richter, the police are already on the scene, but Zheng Yan’s mental state is highly unstable. What remedial measures will you take? Zheng Yan has stated that he is willing to confront you face-to-face. Will you meet him?

The first thing I saw after getting out of the car was a crowd of cameras impenetrably surrounding the research center. Evidently, this was the source of the commotion I had heard in the phone call.

In the center of the crowd, Vyn stared silently at his phone, probably watching Zheng Yan’s earlier declarations. The reporters’ questions were each sharper than the next without allowing him any room to defend himself, as if they had already decided what crimes he was guilty of. Those questions alone gave a clear indication of what the current online public opinion was like.

Vyn: It is easy to find fault in someone when that is one’s intention.

His tone was worlds apart from the drowsiness I heard during our phone call. Amidst the clamoring reporters, Vyn’s voice was calm like a stone tossed in water, the origin of the ripples and disturbances.

Vyn: You are judging someone based on only one side of the story. Are these your journalistic standards?

Vyn set his phone down. His gaze swept around the crowd, pausing only when he saw me. It was too crowded for me to do anything but nod subtly at him as reassurance that I wouldn’t be reckless.

Reporter A: Multiple people claiming to be former patients of yours have stepped forward, accusing you of inappropriate conduct during the course of the treatment. How do you respond to these allegations?

Vyn: …*scoff*

Vyn lowered his gaze as if deep in thought, but I knew that he was only concealing his indifference.

Vyn: These are groundless accusations with no basis in facts. I see no need to respond.

His attitude was firm, but even the most powerful of statements would seem like flimsy excuses to the public. Well aware that public opinion could turn right into wrong and black into white, Vyn didn’t try to explain himself further.

Vyn: Everyone can view the livestream – you do not need me to tell you how urgent the situation is. What happened between me and Zheng Yan is a private matter, and I cannot agree with his decision to make it public. Despite our difference in opinion, however, I will not stand idly by. The police have contacted me to go and negotiate in-person with Zheng Yan as soon as possible. If you all insist on interrogating me, it will only delay my arrival… Who will take responsibility for that, and with what remedial measures?

The reminder that a life was hanging in the balance finally quelled the reporters; even the click of camera shutters disappeared. Vyn nodded, and without another word, he walked away from the crowd. Meanwhile, my phone vibrated in my hand. It was a message from Vyn: “Meet you in the parking lot.”

[18:44] Inside the Car

As written in his message, Vyn’s car slowly pulled up in front of me right as I arrived at the parking lot. No words were needed, and I immediately got in. *Click* – once I fastened my seatbelt, Vyn stepped on the gas pedal and we sped away.

Vyn: Have you already seen the livestream?

Now that the stoplight had turned red, Vyn finally glanced away from the windshield to look at me.

MC: Yes.

He smiled ruefully. Compared to his earlier composure, he now betrayed some uncertainty.

Vyn: It is true that I helped the police solve Zheng Yan’s case in Svart. However, the events did not happen as he described…

It was dangerous for a lawyer to believe someone without seeing the evidence. But now that it was something I was deeply involved in, that denial was enough to somewhat reassure me.

Vyn: And there is one thing that bothered me. Back then, he went by the name “James”, not Zheng Yan.

MC: Maybe he changed his name to “James” after going to Svart.

Vyn: No. He never went by Zheng Yan, not even when he was previously in Stellis.

MC: Okay, but what does this mean…?

At the moment, I was unable to understand Vyn’s fixation on names. Vyn didn’t rush to convince me either, instead falling silent.

MC: Vyn… what happened back then?

If I wanted to ascertain the truth behind the incident, then after hearing Zheng Yan’s side of the story, I had to hear Vyn’s explanation as well.

Vyn: Right now the situation is still urgent, and this is not something I can explain in brief… More importantly, even if I were to say it, would anyone believe me?

As the line of cars waiting at the intersection grew, Vyn turned to face me head-on.

Vyn: Many people do not believe me right now, MC. They condemn me as the devil that Zheng Yan said I was. I imagine that was what you were calling to tell me. To be honest, right now I am unable to show you any evidence that could make you trust me.

He knew that I was accustomed to basing my judgments on evidence, and he didn’t want to pressure me. Even so, he couldn’t help but hope to be an exception to my rationality.  I understood how conflicted he was, just as he understood how conflicted I was as well.

MC: True, but Zheng Yan hasn’t shown any concrete evidence either.

Vyn: Is there anything you find suspicious?

Zheng Yan’s livestream was playing on the phone silently, with the comments coming in at an even faster pace. Words fall easily, so easily that people often underestimate their actual power.

MC: Yes. Zheng Yan’s livestreamed suicide appears to be a spontaneous mental breakdown. After that was a Sisyphean struggle where it seems like he’s trying to overcome the impossible… (1) That kind of realism and tragedy is precisely why he was able to garner so much attention in such a short amount of time. But in actuality, it’s a double-edged sword because that kind of trust is easy come, easy go. Any coincidences stemming from ulterior motives would instantly turn all of this into a trap.

Vyn: Do you think that he planned all of this?

MC: Everything happened far too seamlessly, and I don’t believe in coincidences. If there were really that many victims, they couldn’t have been silent all this time, only to emerge now in perfect sync. He’s trying to build support, but his methods only make him seem less innocent than he’s claiming to be…

Zheng Yan yearned to push the boulder of public criticism to the peak in order to crush Vyn underneath, but he was overly hasty. When he had reached the summit, he pushed too hard and sent the stone sliding back down instead.

MC: Why are you looking at me like that? Did I say something wrong?

After my lengthy, uninterrupted analysis, Vyn’s gaze on me intensified, his eyes holding countless unspoken words.

Vyn: Not at all. Your comments were very astute, and you even thought of many things that I had not yet understood clearly. You see things so clearly, that… I realized I do not need your decision or answer right now. I just need you to stay by my side, so that you can see what the truth really is. Until then, I will quietly await your judgment.

In front of us, the stoplight turned green as if responding to him. We fell into silence, focusing on the drive.

[22:09] Rooftop

When we arrived at the scene, the sun had mostly set, dying the horizon a brilliant hue. Unfortunately, no one was able to appreciate the fine weather and sunset glow. The police had the area tightly sealed off, so we were able to enter without causing any commotion.

Policeman: Will she be going in with you, Dr. Richter?

Vyn: Yes.

Before I could explain myself, Vyn glanced at me and nodded solemnly.

Vyn: This is MC, a lawyer from Themis Law Firm. If Zheng Yan has really been wrongfully accused, she can offer him legal assistance.

The police didn’t object to Vyn’s request, and we were allowed entrance.

Once we crossed the caution tape, we were forced to squint against the dazzling light reflecting off glass curtain walls of nearby buildings. Zheng Yan noticed us immediately.

Zheng Yan: Y-you two…

Although the sun was too strong for me to discern his expression, I could still detect his shock and unfamiliarity. It was not the immediate reaction of a man seeing someone he had despised for years. Those emotions were fleeting, however, and were quickly replaced by indignation.

Zheng Yan: So it really is you, Vyn Richter!

Vyn: Long time no see.

Vyn’s tone was as mild as if seeing an old acquaintance, which clearly incensed Zheng Yan.

Zheng Yan: Then how should I refer to you? Dr. Richter? Or is it Professor Richter?

Vyn: Whichever you prefer. Either is fine with me.

Zheng Yan: How shameless can you be?! I heard you used my case to make yourself the center of attention in Svart, and got everyone heaping praise on you and psychology. But who would’ve thought, behind all your fancy titles of “doctor” and “professor”, you’re nothing but filth!

Utterly enraged at Vyn’s indifference, Zheng Yan walked over to us from the railing, his frenzied expression twisted into something demonic against the violent wind.

[END PART TWO]

[PART THREE]

(1)  “Sisyphus” Big Data Lab entry (under Culture>Lore & Beliefs): Sisyphus is a figure from Greek mythology who was punished by being forced to push a large boulder up a steep mountain. Each time he would exhaust himself trying to push the boulder up, but right when it was about to reach the peak, the boulder would slip from his hands and he would have to begin anew. Later on, “Sisyphean” was used to describe someone making a futile effort or attempting to accomplish the impossible.

[nanowrimo]

Writing Tips for Every Age and Mental State

Not every piece of writing advice will apply to you —  and that’s okay! Sometimes, your writing strategies will change as you go through life or learn more about yourself. NaNo Participant Clara Ward shares writing advice that they've learned over time.

There’s no right way to write. Writing—like life—is about finding your best fit. What follows are tricks that worked for me. Please borrow what works best for you right now. (Then save a few ideas for future you!)

I wrote my first novel four decades ago, when I was thirteen. I’ve written while juggling three jobs or zero. I’ve written as a kid, a parent, and an empty-nester. I’ve learned from my own neurodiversity and mental health challenges along the way.

Each struggle taught me how to customize my writing practice. Here’s a list of what worked for me at different stages. Adapt as you see fit.

Stage 1: Meet Yourself Where You’re At

Outline - For my first novel, I sketched furtive notes on the back pages of a school notebook. I created headings for each page that became section or chapter titles later. Numbers helped me order the scenes and letters delineated details.

Note: Leave extra space for fun facts or snippets of overheard dialog. Years later, I heard a NaNoWriMo buddy joke, “Careful, or you’ll end up in my novel.” My apologies to my high school geometry teacher, who received no such warning.

Avoid Distractions - I needed a closed door to write at first. I couldn’t read other fiction during the week or two when I frantically converted my outline into a rough draft. Luckily, I wasn’t in charge of meals back then!

Stage 2: Find Your People

Give Yourself Permission - I first heard about NaNoWriMo in 2004, when I was parenting, working, and volunteering as if there were two extra days in each week. I hadn’t written a story, an outline, or notes in over a year, but I knew exactly what I wanted to write. I signed up for NaNoWriMo and opened a family meeting by showing the webpage to my spouse and kids. I explained how I’d budget four hours a week for writing in November.

Note: I didn’t complete 50,000 words that first November. But the next year, my kids enthusiastically joined the Young Writers Program!

Enlist Support - Eventually, my kids and I designated one hour each day for writing. There were many distractions, but it felt great! We attended NaNoWriMo write-ins at a donut shop to build community, and my kids each persuaded a friend to join. (Yes, donuts are a sometimes food, but at least they weren’t asking for coffee!). With support and determination—and for me, a bit of sleep debt—we all met our writing goals most years!

Stage 3: Embrace Your True Strengths

Emotion Mapping - In the last couple decades, as attitudes and terminology evolved, I’ve learned a lot about my own neurodivergence and mental health. Oddly enough, the self-knowledge I gained by masking and compensating before I knew those words, informed both my writing and the tips given above. As I became more honest with myself, I brought more emotion to my writing.

Note: Sometimes it helps to skip scenes I’m not in a good headspace to write. I jot down key plot and character points inside curly brackets and skip to a scene that suits my current feelings. Since I don’t used curly brackets anywhere else in my writing, they’re easy to search for when I’m ready to go back.

Fascinations - After years of being warned about “info dumps,” I realized that my own fascinations (neurodivergent or otherwise) were assets that could serve my writing. At the beginning of 2020 I did a deep dive into researching sea creatures and ways to protect our oceans. At the back of my research notebook, I gradually outlined my 2020 NaNoWriMo Novel, Be the Sea. Parts of that outline cross-referenced pages of ocean research or articles I’d saved online.

Note: The system above worked well enough for me that I now have a book deal for Be the Sea, which will be published by Atthis Arts in early 2024!

Seriously though, this isn’t a post about how to get published on a 40-year plan. By matching your writing practices to your ever-changing self, you give all your stories the chance to be told. I wish you and your stories that success!

Clara Ward lives in Silicon Valley on the border between reality and speculative fiction. When not using words to teach or tell stories, Clara uses wood, fiber, and glass to make practical or completely impractical objects. Their short fiction has appeared in Strange Horizons, Decoded Pride, The Arcanist, and as a postcard from Thinking Ink Press. Clara’s 2020 NaNoWriMo novel, Be the Sea, will be available from Atthis Arts in early 2024. For updates on this and other projects, follow Clara on their website. Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva from Pexels

[the-morningstar-family]

Ceres. Do not go looking for those men. I already know where they are. I'm keeping tabs on them as we speak. Once everyone is safe, healed, and somewhat mentally sound, we can discuss what to do about them. However, as of now we need to do our best to make sure Alastor has an easy recovery. He's already stressed out by his current status; lets not make it any worse, yeah?

I'm also realizing I didn't explain my "sleep" state very well. As previously mentioned, I can go into a state of non-existence. This is what I meant by taking a nap. It's also why I haven't taken a nap yet. I was faking earlier. That little "eyes closed" thing I did before was for y'all's benefit, not my own. I was actually tracking a couple people down and maintaining the perimeter of the hotel. It's much easier to do that with all my eyes closed instead of just my lower two. Gets rid of the visual overlay some.

Anyway, Husk, no. I was not "aware" of the exterminations until much more recently. As in; I found out within this last 100 years. Which is a blink of an eye for someone who's existed since, well, existence started. My nap state renders me in a sort of lucid dream-like state. I could be actually dreaming, playing around in my head... or I could be sleep-walking the realms, unable to tell if it's a dream or reality. This is when I've met people, like when I found Ceres.

Hey Ceres? Ever wonder why the only thing they took was your eyes and wings? Do you perhaps remember a random, very annoying, red-winged blackbird swooping your attackers? They were a very pesky bird weren't they...

Anyway, yeah; I've basically been asleep since the dawn of time. Only woken up a few times, and at those moments it was just barely awake enough to do my job. This is the longest I've been fully awake since... mmm... The Flood? And since I've been actually awake and lucid, I've been making sure I be solid as much as I can, since it's a bit more "normal" to you guys? Plus, I need practice holding it oof.

(:

Charlie: "Oh if it's tiering to be ... Uh ... Solid you don't have to be for our sake! But it's really nice of you."

Nifty, observing Ghost physical form closer: "Oho mysterious bad boy, hehe."

Husk rubs his temple, as Angel giggles at him.

[loa-lightt]

Hello! I’ve seen your last answered ask, and I got inspired so I need some advice. I’m currently in a difficult situation.

I’ve worked on my self-concept to get it higher, yet recently I’ve stopped working on it to manifest getting in the void instead this time. I have successfully manifested without the void. I know the 3D is malleable and it’s not MY final story/it isn’t mine anymore and that I have a choice, so I’m changing it to where I already have it.

The few things I’ve manifested w/o the void:

Physical change — this was more of a mistake, but eh.

An SP — This one by far felt the easiest, because I felt the state of wish fulfilled to its full extent and it was so comforting. It felt so natural to return to the state of wish fulfilled. I mental dieted the hell out of myself, and it paid off 100% I should’ve changed my 3D circumstances first bc my SP isn’t going anywhere seriously, but you know. . . Love does something to somebody!

A roach out of my room; I was frightened terribly. — like I said I was scared shitless, but rest assured that roach was gone and dead.

Slade’s shifting brew V4. — this felt mostly natural as I wasn’t constantly checking the 3D. (Checking their channel constantly for the brew, I was doing my own things.) I trusted that slade had our backs, and on a Saturday night I saw on my YouTube timeline that they said it might come that night. Guess what? It did. I assumed (Thursday & Friday) that there would be a V4 without knowing if they were going to continue their versions. (I don’t interact with YT channels all too often. Grateful, for slade!!!)

I’ve been in the void a few times unaware, and times where I was aware that I was unaware in this darkness. If that makes sense. I need to manifest my new reality (I like to call it as this.. to me it’s not really desired if you technically have it right?)

I know manifesting is easy, but the 3D circumstances is dragging me. I’ll admit. I try not to let it affect me, and I let myself have my emotions and get right back to persisting. But, I will take breaks if the situation calls for it. I’ve felt suicidal at times, but I believe in the law and that there’s something way greater for me in the future. I know this is not the end of my journey and no matter how hard it gets I refuse to cut it short for this very reason.

—Appreciate the advice you give me, Anon.

Hello lovely! First of all I’m so proud of you for all of your current success and progress!! That’s wonderful ❤️

As for your struggles, I will just get right to the point. If you are allowing your physical circumstances to dictate your state and emotions, you are not In the wish fulfilled. It’s normal to have setbacks and negative emotions, the law doesn’t strictly prohibit you from feeling anything negative but it does become a problem when you are allowing it to control the success of your imaginings. Don’t waste any time shaming your self for not being in a desirable state, but instead as soon as you notice the change inside of yourself, allow yourself to go back to wherever it is you want to go. No states or feelings are lost within you, all thoughts and feelings are yours to have. If you feel like you’ve lost your power inside, remember that it cannot be lost. All thoughts,feelings and states are yours. Everything is yours inside imagination. Remember who you are inside. You are not a victim of your circumstances, no matter how dire the situation may seem. You are in control.

(I’ll also link an Edward art video that explains this quite well. Amy of his talks can help with this situation tbh)

Ty for the ask anon hope this helps❤️💕💕💕

[instructionsnotincluded]

State of Grace

Chapter XLIII

Excerpt:

Audrey followed JJ through the window, John B bringing up the rear as they all hopped off the wooden barrels, Audrey’s eyes frantically looking around as she tried to orient herself. A handful of containers similar to the one they were in surrounded the area, the massive ship looming over them as they hurried around back, John B leading the way towards one of the oval shaped doors. “I’m heading down to the guest quarters,” John B explained, pausing as he looked over his sister, searching her eyes, “be safe, alright? We’ll meet over by the lifeboats once we’ve secured the cross.”

“We’ll be so safe, bro,” JJ reached for his best friend’s face, John B scoffing as he pushed the grinning blonde away. 

“You too,” Audrey nodded, reaching out to grab her brother’s shoulder, “watch out for Rafe.”

“Noted,” John B gave JJ a final look, his best friend silently promising to look out for Audrey before they parted, John B scrambling through the doorway as JJ led them towards a staircase. 

Audrey had no idea where they were going—absolutely no sense of location or direction as she followed JJ through a few narrow hallways, the lights blinking red as they passed through metal doorways. “It should be through here,” JJ whispered, nodding through the final doorway they approached, “fifteen crew, plus Ward, Rafe, Wheezie, and Rose. Once they’re all in—we’ll strike.”

Audrey found herself leaning back against one side of the doorway, JJ resting against the other, hair brushing against a tacked up sign that said: PLEASE DO NOT PUT ANY TRASH IN BARRELS. Audrey tilted her head, eyes scanning one of the rooms where a set of stairs led down to their current deck, mentally counting as men in hardhats began walking towards the hull. Audrey held out her hand, ticking off each of the men on her fingers for JJ as they stepped off the staircase. The men seemed to come in waves, a few stragglers between each group and when Audrey reached eight fingers she felt her stomach drop, watching Rose and Wheezie stumble down the staircase with Rafe not far behind. 

Audrey turned her head, meeting JJ’s eyes as she mouthed “Rafe” back to him and he nodded, both of their ears straining as footsteps echoed along the metal flooring, the murmurs of the crew fading as they stepped into the forward hull. If she strained hard enough, she could pick up on Wheezie’s frustrated voice, but she never heard anything from Rafe. 

“Is he in?” JJ mouthed to her and Audrey only shrugged, not daring herself to peek through the doorway between them. A quick glance to her left told her he wasn’t near the staircase. 

Audrey kept an eye on the staircase, but Rafe never came back into view. Three more crew members trickled down, one of them asking where the captain was while the other only huffed out a response about not being paid enough for this. “Four more to go,” Audrey mouthed to JJ and he nodded, shifting his stance against the wall. It didn’t take too much longer for the last four crewmembers to appear, Audrey holding up ten fingers and then five, “that’s the crew.”

“We need Ward,” JJ whispered back lowly to her, “we can’t go without him in.”

“We may not get that chance,” Audrey shook her head, well-aware of how slippery Ward was, “John B can handle him.”

JJ didn’t seem too sure and Audrey tilted her head towards the doorway, “it’s now or never. Either we go or we jump.”

A very small smile pulled at his lips and he nodded before tilting his head towards the door, “you go in first—we’ll close the door and lock it. Should be easy-peasy and then we’ll head down to cargo to grab the cross.”

[nikonladyz4]

Jimin & Jungkook Military Enlistment Conversation with Former Korean Soldier

So, today while undergoing physical therapy I had another conversation about Kpop, BTS in particular, with my therapist who is Korean. He is not a big fan of the industry, but he knows who BTS are and he says he really respects them because they elected to go to the military instead of fighting for exemptions. He lived in Korea as a child, then came to the states and returned to Korea as teen. He served in the military from 2017 to 2019 and shortly after discharge, he moved back to the states. So, you know I had to ask some details about Jimin and Jungkook's assignment to the 5th division and their safety. My therapist said when he served, his tour of duty was in Seoul and after basic training, he said he was a glorified paper pusher. He said it was a rather easy tour, but he would not want to serve again. He said back then, they were not really allowed to use their phones, but the policy was just starting to change before he completed his service.

I asked him specifically about the 5th division and if he thought Jimin and Jungkook would be safe. He said ouch, the division is tough. I explained how they enlisted under the companion program, but supposedly they would not be eligible for Assistant Instructor Status due to their tattoos. He said he did not know too much about the current policy on tattoos, but the military has greatly relaxed the prohibition against tattoos in many units, not all, but he said it is better. I asked him if he thought they would actually serve on the front line outside of an active war. He stated there are unwritten rules for celebrities, sons of politicians and sons of high ranking military officials. He stated with these unwritten rules, these individuals and especially someone at BTS's level of celebrity would not be placed in positions where they can be harmed. There are lots of jobs that they can end up in. He mentioned years ago they use to have a special celebrity unit for the aforementioned individuals, but it has been officially dissolved. With that being said, there were positions or roles they could take on that would virtually guarantee their safety. He said the government, military officials, nor the public would want anything happening to them.

We did not have an opportunity to discuss bullying of idols as he had two more clients come in. Hope to finish that discussion next week. He did say some of the famous or wealthy who enter the military will try and use mental health challenges to shorten their enlistment or get discharged. He says the powers at be take a hard line approach to approving shortened service due to that issue. We do know Taemin had challenges with his mental health. He was moved from the military band and placed in alternative service. He was not released early, but his time extended due to the new unit.

The bottom line, after that conversation with him, someone who has actually served in their military within recent years, I felt so much better about the experience Jimin and Jungkook will have. If what he says is true, our boys will be just fine. I think with the character of our boys, their ability to physically take care of themselves and of course the level of their fame, I would hope no one is stupid enough to try and bully them.

[storytime-reviews]

The New Rulebook Book Review

The world has changed - we have changed - so when it comes to caring for our wellbeing, it's clear we need new rules. The New Rulebook is a practical, game-changing guide to embracing that uncertainty. It compassionately asks you to re-examine five key areas: self-care, emotions, work, body and love (all the big stuff!), and then offers radical, evidence-based solutions to improve your wellbeing. Led not by expectation, but by what you need. The rulebook for life has been thrown out the window over the last few years. Rather than picking it back up, let's write a new one.

Rating: ★★★★

What I liked about this book is that it considers areas of personal challenges from a different perspective, and questions whether the ways in which we have been taught to deal with these challenges are actually healthy and beneficial to the individual and community. Whether it’s buying more things in order to practise ‘self-care’ or closing ourselves down to feelings and emotions to maintain control, Chris Cheers challenges what we think we know and what we have been told, in order to determine what might actually improve our well-being.

Each chapter focuses on one area and begins with the ‘old rule’ and ‘new rule’, and Cheers proceeds to explain his reasoning for changing perspectives and the ways in which we deal with difficulties. For example, in his chapter on emotions, Cheers discards the ‘old rule’ that emotions need to be controlled, stating that instead we should aim to understand and ‘feel’ them, rather than control or ignore them. Only then can we change the cycles of anxiety and stress. We need to take time to process our emotions so we can move through them, reminding ourselves that these emotions are normal.

Each chapter ends with steps and strategies to implement to help on your own journey to improve your life in each area. For example, the chapter on love asks us to consider checking in and being vulnerable with those we care for, to improve our connections in existing relationships. This section also discusses how to apologise and properly listen, how to have difficult conversations and communicate boundaries.

The New Rulebook: Notes from a psychologist to help redefine the way you live has some helpful thoughts on what self-care actually is and should be, to how to handle stress and emotions, whether we should be making goals, body positivity vs neutrality and how we prioritise relationships and can improve our connections. There are plenty of ideas to consider, and I genuinely felt that his reflections and strategies were on the whole pretty constructive. I definitely believe that I finished this book with some practical objectives, whilst also feeling validated for some of my own ways of responding to things that turned out to be exactly how Cheers advocates for people to deal with situations and experiences.

I certainly recommend this book. It’s a quick and easy read, and even if you personally don’t feel like you have any major life challenges currently, or any mental illnesses to deal with, I believe that everyone can take something from his perspective and strategies.

Warnings: many references to mental illness

[probably-a-plant-thing]

The Law of Sin & Death

A stranger enters Devil's Peak

Thanks to @madbadash and @bluecoolr-main for beta reading, love you queens <3

CW: none I can think of, will add if any are brought to my attention

Texan roads often felt like they stretched for miles.

Like you could drive in a direction and you’ll always run into a story. For John Carson, the road led him to a little town called Devil’s Peak in search of a missing young man. Tapping the wheel as The Reaper played over the stereo, he stared at the vast wasteland as it slowly melted into a forest around him. 

His current lead being that his target was last seen on a Greyhound bus for Austin, though according to the family and bus staff he never made it. Instead, the kid must have gotten off at some point sooner which led to where John was now.

Passing a beat-up and vandalized sign that read Devil’s Prick, he thought it was surely a mild schoolboy prank, but something John figured shouldn’t be left here as long as it clearly had. He entered the small rural town that was almost missable on maps.

The perfect place to go if you wanted to disappear, John thought as he pulled through the beat-up dirty town. It was rare he got cases from out of state, much less a liberal state like California, but sometimes a case is too good to pass up. Especially when the pay is something short of a lottery win.

John pulled up to a police station, raising a brow at the state of the spot. To him, the place looked like it could get knocked down from just a bad windstorm. He gave the dump a break only because of the hurricane that’d passed by months before. Getting his sunglasses from the console John exited his truck, and walked into the station. 

Admittedly it was nicer inside.

“How can I help you, Sir?” A young man asked, looking up at John from his desk. John smiled politely and extended a hand, which the other took in a firm handshake.

“Detective John Carson. What’s your name, son?” John asked, not one for small talk.

“Officer Conners, sir. What brings a detective around these parts?” Conners responded with a raised eyebrow. John couldn’t help a chuckle escaping him before crossing his arms.

“I’m looking for a young man who went missing around here. He was meant to be in a family home in Austin but apparently never made it. Got his parents right worried about him.” John explained, taking note of how Conners seemed to shift a bit when he’d mentioned the word missing. Maybe if questioned more he’d get something useful, though it’d probably be better if-

“What information do you have on who you’re looking for so far?” Conners cut through the old man’s thoughts, standing up from his desk.

“From what my clients have told me, he should be roughly age 29 and 5’9. He’s from out of state, California to be exact. Looking at his pictures, it’s hard to miss him.” John spoke in a short matter-of-fact tone, searching his pocket and revealing a set of folded up photos. Handing them to Officer Conners who opened and looked through the batch with mild interest. John couldn’t tell if there was any spark of recognition in the young man’s eyes, resulting in worry in the back of his mind. Could this town be yet another an empty thread?

“If he is here it’s in both out our best interest he is brought home, Officer. I believe my job would go much smoother if I could had a brief word with the Sheriff.” Jonathan finished with a little shrug, the polite smile never leaving his lips as he watched the other man closely. On the surface, Conners seemed like the type to want to rely on intimidation or possibly brute strength. It was something John would always admired in his years in the military, even if breaking the spirit was too easy at times. Mental fortitude of a heated spoon, John thought to himself as he took back his photos and watched Conners walk to another room, assumably to chat with his boss.

Taking the brief moment alone to glance around the station, his eyes were drawn to a board near the entrance. Just hidden enough that you wouldn’t notice it well on the way in, but it was unmistakable when John saw the posters and pictures. 

A missing persons board. 

Walking up to the old panel presented John with a few questions but also a few answers. He’d already been here a mere twenty minutes at most and now he knew exactly what type of situation he was finding himself in.

John was soon about to surround himself with a pair of moronic bafoons.

Posters on posters left John staring, to the point he hadn’t noticed when a door opened and Conners returned with the Sheriff. 

“Mr. Carson?” The new man’s voice brought John back to reality and a little bit of relief swept through him when he saw the man was closer to his own age. Nodding a little in acknowledgment, they exchanged a brief handshake.

“Conners says you’re on a missing persons case?”

“Exactly right. I just want your permission before combing through your little town here. After all, I don’t mean to cause an issue and overstay my welcome.” John assured, his friendly tone never wavering. Stealing a glance at this man’s nametag so he knew who he had to put up with. 

Sheriff Burke.

“Well, sir, I don’t think you’ll find him here. Devil’s Peak barely has a population so if he had shown up, we would have noticed.” The gruff man spoke, his voice tired from what John could recognize the underlying hurt, possibly even grief. 

A sad man by default that anyone with half a braincell could easily take advantage of.

“With all due respect, you don’t seem to have the best track record to notice either a rise or drop in population.” John mused, glancing back at the missing person board. Conners shifted a bit but kept his mouth shut which John appreciated. He wasn’t excited to hear whatever dimwitted response the officer would’ve come up with.

“Either way, it’s important I find this man as fast as I can.” John continued, resting his sunglasses on his head before looking back at the two dolts. “I’ve been warned that he’s a dangerous man. One of those unwell types with violent outbursts and I have a sneaking suspicion he’s been off his crazy pills for longer than anyone should.” Burke nodded in understanding, John sighing in soft relief that maybe things can go smoothly in this dirt town.

“So I have permission to poke around?” Burke sighed and gave a small nod before exchanging a look with Conners who went back to his desk.

“Step into my office, Detective. We can discuss further in there.”

tagging some moots: @rottent33th @the-pinstriped-hood @damien-mlm @kalid-raven @ajarofpickledtears

if you would like to be added/removed from the tag list, lemme know

[amagicdoctor]

*low whistle while reading the other summaries for the fall of X stories* Gonna pick a side here cuz the uncanny spiderman mini takes the cake for "zero braincell protagonist" hands down

Context : Nightcrawler just knocked out mystique (in disguise) who was threating a jogger in a park with a knife to steal her necklace. Prior to this, she attacked a homeless woman and stole her clothes. He teleports her to an isolated spot in the park to avoid the close-by sentinels who constantly roam the place and all of nyc. After she regains consciousness, it's revealed she has amnesia and doesn't remember him (she thinks he's still the baby she just had and that she very recently "left him alone in the woods" of germany). She explains herself a few times, going from calm to crazed and aggressive, and erratically waving around her knife as well as losing and regaining her disguise while doing so. She loses focus quickly, makes little to no sense and doesn't finish her own sentences. Still, our masked nightcrawler tries reasoning with her at every cycle of this until she gets fed up with him and is about to leave and go into a close-by dark tunnel. As a last ditch effort, nightcrawler stops her and is about to take off his mask to make her see his face and understand but she stops him on his tracks by punching him a few feet back to the floor, insults him for saving those humans' worthless lives and is on her way to the tunnel again.

So...

While he actively avoids getting into mutant affairs, nightcrawler realizes that letting a mentally unsound unfocused and armed mystique with unstable control over her own shapeshifting completely loose on nyc is a terrible idea. I mean, besides the fact she just attacked two random defenceless humans and himself (all because he tried to reason with her on how mindless her quest was... To look for a baby she left in germany's woods... Inside a park in america...), orchis agents are everywhere alongside their sentinels who can detect mutants on sight making her an easy target for them in her state. So he gets up and tries one last time with her by dropping her right infront of the limbo embassy, which is a known sanctuary for mutants and protected from orchis, and directly guiding her to the mutant telepath there (goblin queen) to help as he suspects from his extensive experience in the subject that brainwashing is the key behind her current state. There's also the fact people will be keeping an eye on her at all times here, something he can't do due to his duties as another "spider-man"

... That's what you expected to hear right ? Well in a world where nightcrawler isn't a complete dummkopf, that's what would have happened.

In reality, nightcrawler didn't do anything. He let mystique go and watched as she slowly made her way by foot into the straight dark tunnel, which he can see into with his night-vision so technically she couldn't even leave his sight in her whole walk there, and told nobody about it.

Grandiose self-sabotage 100/10 can't top this if I tried

This B-plot was really weird and so little happened with it that I forgot while reading through the bigger story. I think what they're trying to do here (since their interactions spanned two whole issues so far) is just stall as much as possible so that when the final comic comes out something real stupid can happen that will lead into a new series and Kurt getting a whole new identity.

[anthonybialy]

Rating Josh Allen Goes Over

There are just not enough thoughts shared about Josh Allen.  Get in a couple extra takes before kickoff.  A player who’s the focus of not just the Buffalo Bills but the league has become so ubiquitous that thorough social media searches encounter fanciful notions about the nature of his awesomeness.  Unreal play leads to unreal takes on both sides.  It’s not just the messiah-style praise offered by congregants: hearing how he’s overrated is commonplace enough to be tiresome.  Haters use each other as sources.

Imagine him at full strength.  Fans have to think all the way back to 2021, which is a challenge if you’re struggling to recall what was for dinner two nights ago.  Our most recent football mental images feature Superman with kryptonite duct-taped to his elbow.  Playing hurt is a testament to toughness on top of an invaluable skill set.

Learning what a UCL is was one of last season’s 87 million low points.  Watching a football hero cope with a restricted throwing motion is not a fun way to discover what’s going on under skin.

It’s easy to avoid failure by never pursuing anything chancy.  Get nothing done to minimize low points.  Sure, there won’t be any high ones, either, but level living bores those who need the thrill of mentions filled with justified vitriol.  As for real risk-takers, they experience the widest range of emotions by daring to wager.  The greatest successes necessarily involve exposure to hazard.  Ranking Allen below Tua doesn’t count.

The balance between dashing and foolhardy is tough to maintain during the fraction of a second it takes to determine if an attempt is worthwhile.  Allen perhaps pushed the needle a bit too much into the reckless zone last year.  Boxing judges award rounds for effective aggression.  Charging boldly into an uppercut meets only one of the two criteria.

But the downside of the wrong player fielding occasional passes is worth accepting from someone who singlehandedly changed a franchise’s fortune.  The difference between Buffalo’s seemingly endless drought and current bounty is exactly one player.  We’re already accustomed to how comfortable it is to know Allen is there.  The Bills are already past the point where they presume he’ll keep them in games and seasons.

Allen must adjust to losing not only occasional games but also privacy.  Complaining about paparazzi caring about what he's doing off the field disregards how he’s a public figure even outside of Bills Country.  Buffalo’s most prominent citizen should know the time to worry is when nobody cares what you do.

There are more productive ways to spend a monotonous offseason than constructing daft theories about superstars who aren’t.  Alternate reality enthusiasts manipulate statistics in a way that’d make Capitol staffers blush.  Delusions that should get one banished from polite football society are promoted by the similarly deluded who insist there are four feet in a yard.  Insulation from human contact while interacting with humans is one of the delights of online living.

A more accurate but similarly imbecilic scenario involves noting there may be one human better at this job.  Rankings can be harmless fun as long as there’s no implication that a silver medal is pathetic.

Measuring ourselves against others is a sure way to feel unsatisfied.  I suppose that’s what sports are.  Nevertheless, Allen is a fantastic success by his own standard.  He’s achieved a tremendous amount at age 27 even if he obviously has unfulfilled goals.  The fact that needs to be stated reflects the mute button’s value.

The only thing worse than trolling is the unintentional version.  You can get upset at Twitter crackpots explaining why Allen is ranked near the bottom of the AFC East’s quarterbacks, much less those in the entire NFL.  Or you can laugh and wait for more results to prove how far deviants strayed from truth.

Allen didn’t get to be this prominent.  Didn’t you heed naysayers?  Pretending inaccuracy’s a fundamental problem that can’t be remedied with better receivers is another example of why you should never listen to Troy Aikman under any circumstances.

A winning record only begins to reflect impact.  Tracking statistics instead of watching games isn’t merely a myopic deficiency for fantasy football zealots who only want an accumulation of numbers.  Enjoying the sport is based around observing not many people can do.  There are at most a few individuals on Earth better than Allen at his job.

The preferred hobby of the miserable is fun for everyone else when nothing they bitch about comes true.  The good news is narratives don’t affect games.  Proclaiming how life is with self-satisfaction is its own punishment when reality plods on with indifference.  The little matter of whether or not opinions conform to actuality is left out of standings.

Let the endless prattle of preposterous framing continue.  Football will drown out jibber jabber in a few days.  Hearing why Allen’s allegedly a reckless turnover machine has provided comfort during the offseason to backers of teams not blessed to have him on their rosters.

The best and worst thing about the internet is unedited content.  Not having someone offer perspective with a quick scan of a tweet or Facebook post leads to unfiltered content.  Readers assess who should be ignored just like quarterbacks calculate the appropriateness of any try to advance the football.  Allen’s success rate far exceeds those of his harshest critic.  Some opinion generators could use recalibration.  Um, that doesn’t apply to this column.  

[shawtygonemad]

CORRUPTED: CHAPTER THREE

Let Me Save You

Masterlist

Rose Hathaway x Dimitri Belikov

Chapter Trigger Warning: Slight NSFW thoughts

[Dimitri POV]

Let me save you. Let me save you. It’s not a rescue if I just want to. Just say yes now, and I won’t tell anyone else. So let me save you. Let me save you.

*

I approached the CD player with one of the mixed tapes I had in my office. Just as I was about to place it in Rose’s loud voice bellowed out.

“Oh no! We are done listening to your old man music!” She huffed as she stormed over while hastily throwing her hair into a bun. “Give me your phone.”

“What?” I chuckled, thinking she was joking. “No.”

She stared at me for a moment with a challenging look. A second later, she turned on her heels and headed towards the doors that led to the locker rooms and guardian offices.

“Rose!” I called for her, but she ignored me and stepped through the doors.

My lips formed into a tight line as I gave a quiet growl of frustration. With irritation building, I followed her. She was so stubborn and headstrong. I wish she’d just listened to me for once!

I found her in my office. She was sitting on the edge of my desk. Her legs were crossed as she intently stared at my cell phone in her hand. I briefly had to close my eyes. Seeing her sitting like that, in my environment no less, did shameful things to me. Her lips had been slightly pursed as she tried to figure out my passcode. Lips that looked so utterly kissable.

“Comrade, what’s your passcode?” Rose asked with the most irresistible pout.

It was hard to stay mad at her most times. I playfully rolled my eyes as I took the phone from her. After entering the code, I passed the unlocked device back to her. She gave the biggest smile at this. I approached as she was downloading an app. My towering figure leaned against the desk beside where she sat. This made it easy for me to peer down and see what she was up to.

“What’s Spotify?” I asked.

“It’s a music app,” she explained. “We can finally listen to music from this decade!”

“Has it ever occurred to you that I enjoy listening to my current music selection?” I raised an eyebrow.

Rose gave a sigh through her nose before speaking again. “Alright, let’s compromise. What if we create a combined playlist? That way, we can both have the music we like on it. Deal?”

“Deal,” I smiled as I shook her extended hand in agreement.

Her hands were so small and soft compared to mine. She only had a few callouses, which I could tell made her self-conscious. There was nothing for her to worry about, though. Everything about her was perfect. Every bump, dip, scar. It was all incredible and made Rose who she was. All of her imperfections helped turn her so beautiful.

‘Enough,’ I mentally scolded myself. ‘You can not keep thinking of her like that. She is your student, and you are her mentor.’

I needed to take my mind off of her, off of how close our bodies were. Focusing on the task at hand usually helped. My eyebrows furrowed when I focused back on what Rose was doing.

“Why are you adding a song from a playlist named ‘He’s a 10 but he’s in jail’?” I asked, amused.

“Jail isn't fun, but some pretty good songs can come from it,” Rose stated nonchalantly.

“You’ve been to jail?” Amusement dripped in my voice as I raised my eyebrow once more.

“Once,” the novice so plainly confirmed. “In Monopoly.”

This caused her to laugh out loud at her own joke. I chuckled and shook my head at her antics. How was this girl the most humorous person I’ve ever met? Ivan would have been so disappointed to learn that she took his triumphant place as the comic relief in my life. He would have loved her, though. They are so much alike. Their humor, mischievousness, and overall confidence. The two of them would have been as thick as thieves and definitely would have conspired against me.

The blaring sound of my phone’s ringer went off, disrupting my dream. My eyes scrunched with annoyance as I tried to bring myself to full consciousness. I rolled over and leaned on my elbow as I snatched the phone from the bedside table. The ringer must have still been all the way up from being at the club last night. God forbid Zmey lets me miss one of his phone calls.

Speaking of which, his name was on the caller ID. I glanced at the last retreating strands of daylight slipping behind the hotel curtains. Why would he be calling me this early in the Moroi morning?

“Belikov,” I answer, my voice deep from sleep.

“Guardian Belikov, please don’t hang up! It’s Lissa. I need to talk to you,” Vasilisa’s sweet, but anxious, voice came through the speaker.

Hearing her voice kicked me back into my guardian drive.

“Princess? Is everything alright?” I asked, wide awake now.

“Yes. Well… no. I need you to stop your search for Rose,” she pleaded. “Please.”

“Princess, I-”

“Just listen! I think there is a way we can save Rose. She trusted you, so I know that means I can trust you too. Now I just need you to trust me,” Vasilisa said.

I paused for a moment to consider before responding. “Okay.”

“I know Rose told you about everything: the car accident, my abilities, our bond. After some research, I have a theory that I’m confident will work. My spirit brought her back from the dead once, and I believe I can do it again,” the princess explained. “As a strigoi she’s technically dead, or undead, or whatever! If I stake her, bringing her to the brink of death again, then use my spirit… I think I can resurrect her. I can bring her soul back.”

My whole world froze. The only sound I could hear was my heart rapidly beating inside my chest. Could this be true? I’d be absolutely anything to bring my Roza back to me. Only this sounds like a fairytale. There have never been any recorded instances of Strigoi being resurrected. Although that’s what I’ve always thought about Spirit.

I knew my neighbor in Baia, Oksana, claimed to be a Spirit user. Sadly, I just never fully believed her. It wasn’t until I saw it used right before my eyes with Vasilisa. Rose was living, breathing, proof that it was real. I’ve read reports on their accident. There should have been no survivors. Yet those two girls lived to see the next day. So maybe the princess is right. She brought Rose back from death once. Why couldn’t she do it again?

“Hello? Are you still there?” Vasilisa’s voice called out through the receiver.

“Yes. I’m just… processing,” I replied.

“I know it’s a lot to take in. We- ooo!” Her voice waiver before she took a quick pause. “Sorry about that. I just got a random chill. Anyway, we need your help. Where are you? We can send someone to get you.”

“Princess-”

“No buts! Listen, I know you basically threw everything away when you went looking for Rose. If you help with this then I can personally promise you’ll be welcome back to the guardians with no repercussions. All we need to do is get a plan together. I believe we can do this. We all do!” She encouraged me.

“Thank you, princess. That’s all very kind of you. But if I do return to the guardians then I will take whatever punishment they hand out to me. I went AWOL and it’s nothing to take lightly.” Then something clicked into place. “I’m sorry, did you say we? Princess, before I forget to ask, why are you calling me from-”

A new voice joined the line. The same one that always managed to send chills down my spine. He spoke in fluent Russian. I assume to be sure those near him didn’t hear what he had to say.

“Belikov,” Zmey greeted. “I need to know that you’re fully on board with this. I know that all of this sounds like nonsense, but I believe this could work. I’ve heard stories of Strigoi being restored in the past. Maybe two or so cases. However, the Dragomir princess’s theory sounds the most plausible when it comes to the how. I think it can be worth a shot.”

I sighed before speaking. I needed to remember that this was for Rose.

“I’m in,” I answered.

“Excellent. Now, are you in the same location I gave to you a few days ago? I can send for a plane to come get you,” Zmey continued.

“No. It was a deadend. I’m in Wilmington, Delaware, now. Choice Inn and Suites near the airport,” I replied.

“You’re not too far from here then,” he said before speaking aloud and in English. “Paval, have a plane sent to pick Belikov up in Wilmington, Delaware.”

A distant voice of Paval could be faintly heard.

"Well, his hotel is about a 10 minute drive to the airport. So he can just meet you there," Zmey discussed with his guardian.

“Where are you? And why are you with the Dragomir princess?” I snipped as I could feel my frustration building.

“Lord Szelzky typically resides in Nepal. However, he does have an estate in Pennsylvania for when he is needed at Court. That’s where he’s been residing for the last month or so. However, the home was attacked by a Strigoi. Lord Szelsky and one guardian were killed. Can you guess who that Strigoi was?” Bitterness seeped into Zmey’s mouth.

My blood ran cold, and I prayed that I wasn’t right. “Rose.”

“There was only one survivor she left alive, and that was her mother. She has a severe concussion, a few broken ribs, and chest contusions. All of that so she could give you a message,” more venom dripped into his voice.

“A message?”

“She told Janine to tell you to come and find her. That she’ll be waiting.” There was a pause before he continued. “Be at runway nine in two hours. Guardian Pavel will be there to greet you.”

The line went dead and I felt my stomach sink. I was the reason for Guardian Hathaway’s injuries. But how did Rose discover that I was tracking her? I’ve kept my location and plans secretive. People made assumptions, but they never had concrete evidence. I just turned in my resignation to Alberta and left without further notice.

I groaned as I could feel a headache forming. My hands ran up and down my face a few times in hopes of alleviating it. Sadly, it didn’t help. So instead, I decided to get up and take a shower.

It wasn’t very long. Most times I use the shower to think and contemplate. Sometimes even daydream about a certain brunette being in there with her. Her warm, wet, skin pressed up against me from behind. Her worn hands sliding up the sides of my back before meeting together in the front. Then she’d slip those hands down my chest agonizingly slowly. Moving down their path until they graze the dips in my hips before grasp my-

No. It had to be a short shower. My things still needed to be packed up before I headed off to the airport. From the sounds of my stomach suddenly growling, I should probably grab something to eat on the way as well.

It didn’t take long to pack, so that left me with plenty of time to get food. By the time I stepped outside, darkness had completely fallen everywhere. My guard needed to be up even more now. Especially since Rose knows that I’m looking for her. As I made my way through the parking lot to my car, I kept my eyes scanning the surroundings. Everything looked to be clear. I unlocked the door and quickly got in. Or as quickly as I could get into a Honda with my 6’7” frame.

Once inside I locked the doors and tossed my duffle bag to the front seat. Just as I turned the car on and settled in, I heard her voice. Like a beautiful angel of death coming to reap my soul.

“Hi Comrade,” Rose whispered in my ear.

Before I could even move, everything went black.

*

{Song Inspo: Let Me Save You by Emily Rowed}

[m-r-levine]

Happy Sunday Ask-A-Thon, week 4 for @ask-a-thon . How are things going? What gave you the idea to work on your current wips, where did you get the ideas from?

Thank you so much for the ask and happy belated* Sunday!

As far as how the work is going:

Slowly. 😭

Life is still a bit too chaotic for regular creative time, and when i carve out a quarter hour to write, i am struggling with the blank page and restlessness of needing to make words go and also needing to do and make ten million other things, all at the same time.

Mi hijo maldito remains with me, and i jot down notes whenever I can, usually in moments stolen while computers load or microwaves hum. But… I have this feeling that everything with the changes is soon to settle. That when the house is unpacked the calm will finally return, and all the pent up pressure of so many stories clawing to get out will finally stitch the fragments together into functional prose for Malados - and maybe everything else in the wip basket too.

As for the original ideas driving these many wips… that part will get long, so I will tuck this behind a little cut. ☺️

Firstly, the easy answer:

Malados came about in the simplest and most dangerous fashion, enabled by my dear friends @ensrensage @saphoblin @onwardnary and @drsteggy .

I took a bottle of 1825 and put it on the table, mentally sat Teca down and asked him what happened next. He stared back at me like a cat, but I have rather a fair amount of experience with such contests. I held him in that moment and I said what happened when you refused to let the hero ride into the sunset alone mi hijo and he squinted away over the garden and said Vishan was not happy to see me.

And so we began, writer and narrator returning to courtyard of the sprawling stone house in my mind, to that little table of battered black pine where he told me the story that became La Mala Suerte, sheltering from the heat of many afternoons with that bottle between us.

The most recent work I’ve touched in the Dark Tapestry world is one I really ought not to be writing at all right now. It’s a Keris story… sortof. She’s only half the equation of the arc @saphoblin named Unspoken. The other half is Davrush mej Nakun, oggish warrior and smith, Legatus Artifax on the high council of the Trinae Amicae, trusted advisor to the Fire Praetor… and desperately in love with her. None of that means anything or carries any weight without the essential context and history behind and around both of them. As of last time I outlined it, we need at least four solid Keris stories (and that few only if we take great liberties with time-jumps) after Darkly Woven before we can even think of sharing Unspoken… but those are the images and fragments coming to me when i try to cast my mind in Keris’ direction. Davri’s longing rises with such visceral power it’s downright frustrating.

Why and when did Unspoken begin to nag me? Oh some years ago now when my old CP and I were talking frequently. We sometimes spoke about the (interesting) problem of the power dynamics within Trinae and how that necessarily crosses threads with Keris’ nature and her personal arc… including her difficulties with close relationships in the contexts of her profession and the surrounding culture.

A prompt crossed our radar at that time for short fiction dealing with the theme of home as a visceral state and what evokes it (rather than the physical or literal placeness or even the abstract concept) and I sat down to write a snippet about Keris and what makes Trinae home for her in contrast with things from Udea evoking home in a way she has neither words nor context to explain. That little writing exercise involved a snapshot of a council meeting… wherein Keris confessed: Ironic that she relied on the voice and personal loyalty of the shortest-lived of all the peoples the Trinae embraced.

Naturally, I tried first to prod Keris about it. She said nothing.

So I asked Davri.

He confessed his heretical pining in such vivid terms I couldn’t help but transcribe it. I shared it with my CP who seemed to think well of some parts but agreed it was an impossible premise: their ranks divide them forever. His crush can only mature into love in silence and perfect discretion, and she must never openly return his affections - the tension between them vibrates in every scene, but the moment she yields, she loses all credibility and honor - because at the end of the day, she ranks him, and it’s her duty to maintain that division or else step down. And if I handwave it anyway, then I the writer lose all credibility for putting forward this inherently abusive unrealistic pairing as romantic.

Clearly, I cannot resist such a steep challenge, as I have continued for years to noodle on Unspoken against my better judgment.

I really ought to be working on the Spun Shadows rewrite - Keris’ second arc. Recasting it as a dual POV with Rokoval gets us a much more interesting frame, popping between the gothic faction politics of Libertalia and the risks and rewards of the wilds with Keris and the Trinae, but I got myself thoroughly stuck in what was supposed to be the fun little solstice scene with convenient play-within-a-play recap - it worked so well in outline but I cannot for the life of me turn that into prose and I don’t know why. The entire idea still makes me laugh, so it should follow that words come easily.

I don’t know that I can tell you where that arc came from anymore, it’s just a tangle of answering the question of how she goes from point A at the end of Darkly Woven to point B (no longer even as far in her personal arc as originally planned, but merely holding Significant Rank™️ within Trinae) by way of Z(chaos but in the good way, building her connections to significant people and plotlines for the Long Red Thread), and Keris herself came largely from the eternal desire to read More And Better Strong Female Characters In More Flavors In Rich Fantasy Settings and the all-important epiphany that I have the power to make the content I want to read.

Which is also a primary motivator for the fic side too - I write it because I want to read it, I just also happen to enjoy sharing it.

When, you know, I can successfully whack more words out of the recalcitrant brain to get it.

*(Yesterday was unexpectedly full with more errands than scheduled and crafting session with a local friend that ran late, so I didn’t have time to finish my reply. But work is stupid so I stole some downtime to work on it through the day. 😅)

[weight-loss-ok]

Forget Crash Diets – Here’s How to Lose Weight Forever

The question I hear most often from my clients is: “Will the weight come back after the diet?” In this article, I will answer it and also debunk a couple of myths that hold us back. We are all adults who can think for ourselves. When we want something, we mentally open a “project” called “I want”, which includes setting goals and estimating timeframes and resources required to achieve the goal.

Often our “projects” are focused on material things – a new phone, car, apartment, shoes, diploma, etc. We are used to thinking in material terms. But when we finally open an “I want a new body” project, we don’t realize how different this project is.

The Consumer Society Mindset

Let’s consider a prototypical hero of our time – a young man who wants a new iPhone. Or it could be an older businessman who wants the new Range Rover model. The point is, they decide to achieve their goal by earning money or taking out a loan. It’s good and worthy to work towards your goals rather than complain and do nothing. The iPhone is pretty cool, girls look at you with respect, and our hero chooses a job that pays more. But did he like that job in the first place?

Go to Google and search for “Monday demotivator” and then “Friday demotivator” – you’ll see from social media monitoring that every Friday is a holiday in a consumer society, while every Monday brings mourning. We have a Friday cult.

In a consumer society, it’s standard to hate your job. You’re supposed to be in a state of intifada with your boss. You’re supposed to love your paycheck. And it’s through this suffering, discomfort, and self-denial that our young man finally acquires the coveted iPhone.

Following the pattern, he immediately tells his hated job to go to hell now that he has the iPhone. But then he discovers the fundamental difference between his body and the iPhone. If you quit your hated job, the iPhone stays with you unchanged. But if you quit your hated lifestyle, your body will soon revert to reflect your current reality. This is inevitable due to the law of conservation of energy. We can’t gain weight while our energy expenditure is less than our intake. Trying to violate this law is like trying to create a perpetual motion machine. 

So whenever I hear “I barely eat anything and still gain weight”, I recommend applying for the Nobel Prize. Because either it’s not true, or you have proof that overturns the law of conservation of energy.

Conclusion: Your appearance depends not on the type of diet but on your current lifestyle. If you change your diet, your appearance will change over time. After a diet, the weight will always come back. How quickly? That depends only on your genetics and whether your weight loss was accompanied by increased metabolism. To continually improve your appearance, there is only one way – never go on a diet. Switch to proper nutrition, forever.

The Hard vs Easy Way

Now I’ll compare the hard and easy ways to lose weight, first just by their feelings and effects, and then explain what they are.

Hard way: leads to yo-yo-ing between weight loss and regain, with increasing amplitude. Each time it gets harder to lose weight.

The easy way: slowly but surely improve your appearance.

Hard way: Each time involves the agony of giving up your favorite foods.

The easy way: involves discomfort for about 2 weeks to 1 month maximum.

Hard way: Pleasure comes not from the taste of food, but from the amount consumed. The easy way provides 10x more pleasure from smaller amounts of food.

Hard way: reduces the quality of life.

The easy way: increases the quality of life.

Hard way: saps your energy and ability to enjoy life.

The easy way: frees up energy and time to enjoy life.

Hard way: requires constant monitoring and control.

The easy way: runs on autopilot, requiring zero time for control.

And of course, the hard way unfortunately damages health, while the easy way improves it.

Are you intrigued yet? Don’t be scared by what I’m about to tell you – it is true and much simpler to implement than you think.

The hard way involves regularly going on diets, changing your diet, and sticking to it until you lose weight. When you finish the diet after reaching your goal, the weight comes back.

The easy way is…to eat properly like I’ve described, forever. Never “go on a diet.” I know it sounds crazy and unrealistic. So let me explain in detail:

Never “go on a diet.”

1. As mentioned, our body isn’t an iPhone. Once you’ve earned a physique, it won’t stay with you if you change the conditions for your body. So yo-yo-ing between diets inevitably leads to weight fluctuations back and forth. And with muscle loss during caloric deficits, it gets harder each time. Remember, more muscle makes it easier to burn fat. I’ll explain this later.

2. Starting a diet is always stressful – changing your normal rhythm, meal sizes, and calories, and giving up your favorite foods. And worst of all – you’re waiting for it to end. Our psychology is such that if we commit to temporarily giving up a pleasure, we immediately start counting down the days. Just one more month, one more week, three more days, tomorrow, hooray! Between hating our reflection and hating everything around us on a diet, our whole life passes.

Proper nutrition forever is very different. Once you decide to permanently give up the products that may taste good but steal your health and physique, you simply develop the habit once. Then it completely stops bothering you.

I smoked 1.5 packs a day for years. When I left the house, I’d automatically pat my pockets – keys, car docs, money, phone, lighter, cigarettes. Did you ever see a smoker complain about how hard it is to carry a lighter and cigarettes? Sounds silly, right?

Now when I leave home, the habit is the same – keys, car docs, money, phone, food bag. That’s it. It’s just a habit, and a habit doesn’t bother you like anything else once formed.

3. The pleasure we get from life is not absolute. There is a sort of conditional “quality of life” score. It can be low at €1,000,000 income, and high at $2,000. It’s subjective and unrelated to money, food, or cars. It depends on your assessment of these things. Suppose you’re relatively satisfied now. You get pleasure from your favorite foods, the sun is shining, and the girls are smiling.

I have a black box here. Imagine your favorite food. Now, at the bottom of this box is a food 10x better tasting than your favorite. So incredibly tender, airy, and delicious that your favorite tastes like dog feces in comparison. I promise it’s true. But I won’t show it to you or even say its name. Attention – will you now suffer sleepless nights over this? Will the sun and smiling girls stop bringing you joy?

No, because you know this product exists but are not addicted to it. You’ll keep getting pleasure from your current situation. It’s the same once you forget the chemical hit of a burger after a month or two of eating properly. You automatically start seeking pleasure from available options – more attention to other foods, music, clothes, and socializing. Because you’re no longer waiting for “the diet to end”, you’re forced to find replacements. And you will.

4. There is a tactic called a “cheat meal”. I don’t use or recommend it anymore, but it has its place. The idea is that once, not a whole day but one meal every 2-3 weeks, you can splurge on any junk food. With proper small frequent meals, this won’t impact your physique or metabolism at all. But since it’s rare, you get 10x more pleasure from it.

It’s very different in normal life or during dieting. Having constant access to eat whatever, whenever, leads to blunting of pleasure. We adapt. The only way to prolong the high becomes increasing the dosage. Order two large fries instead of one small. And so on. Does this method work for everyone? Unfortunately no. If you have a real food addiction identical to alcoholism or heroin addiction, it is not a joke, and cheat meals are contraindicated. One sign of addiction is losing control of dosing.

If you’ve found yourself planning to have a small taste of something but then snapping out of it with an empty fridge, you cannot stop – you have a disease like alcoholism. Happily, it is far easier to beat than ethanol or opiate addictions. But cheat meals won’t work.

5. Points 5 and 6 are very related so I’ll cover them together. As I’ve said, our goal is to start and stick to the new life. For busy people like us with jobs, school, relationships, or hobbies, the #1 rule must be simplification. The changes should simplify rather than complicate life, then they are advantageous.

Rule #2 is any action that becomes a habit stops bothering us. Offering temporary diet solutions goes against this – the industry profits from keeping you cycling between diets, binges, weight loss, and gain, buying junk food and medicine, and paying and paying forever in an endless loop. And believing you need professional dieticians, who are often just as overweight. Yes, welcome to consumer society.

So when you decide to switch to the new lifestyle forever rather than briefly before summer or a vacation, you simply form the habit once. Then it completely stops bothering you. I smoked for years without complaining about the need to carry cigarettes and a lighter.

Now it’s the same with my food bag when I leave home. It’s just a habit and doesn’t bother me any more than another other habit. This frees time and energy for business, school, or other priorities. Very different from when you crash diet a couple of times a year, breaking habits over and over. That’s a fast road to insanity.

And finally, the last point is obvious – steady, balanced eating versus erratic binging on junk food mixed with dieting.

So in summary

– Our appearance permanently depends on genetics and current lifestyle. Change your diet and your appearance changes over time.

– After a diet, the weight always returns. How quickly depends on your genetics and if metabolism increased.

– To continually improve, there is only one way – never “go on a diet.” Switch to proper nutrition forever.

– Switching to proper eating forever is far easier and provides more pleasure than it seems.

– Rule #1 is simple. Changes should simplify life to be beneficial.

– Rule #2 is habits stop bothering us. The industry profits by keeping solutions temporary so you keep returning and paying.

I’ve given my opinion. I know many aren’t ready to go all the way but want to lose weight by summer or an event. Despite my blog being about starting and sticking to the new life, not getting a 6-pack for the beach, I can’t leave you in need. I will answer your questions.

Read my articles, and tell friends. It’s always more fun together. And remember what I always say – the ability to think is the key. The miser pays twice, the fool three times, but the person too lazy to think pays forever. Bye for now!