#except i sleep at 6 am | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

reapkusho · 29 days ago

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I think sleep deprivation is getting to me

#i feel so bad #i think im sick #it could be my immune system malfunctioning or it's the messed up slep schedule #but hey ive been havjng lkke 8 hours of sleep this week #except i sleep at 6 am #perhaps that is the issue #reaper rants.

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cavity-collector · 3 months ago

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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me #i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum #my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation #depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man #theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please #i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good #but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great #i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to #actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die #i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless #i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something #probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so #ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left #ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this #an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways #no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil #because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good #idk what im saying anymore #someone shoot me #please im not kidding #just make it stop #tw vent #tw sui #delete later

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 9 months ago

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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im-still-watching-anime · 2 months ago

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…..i forgot to block bsd’s spoiler tags this month

#i swear to god #i SWEAR #the ONE time i forget #im begging the universe i didnt just fuck up this bad #that was NOT the spoiler i thought it was #im misinterpreting it #i did not just spoil something for myself that ive been waiting YEARS for #it DIDNT happen #everyone be quiet be quiettttt #there’s a chance okay a CHANCE it’s all just a misunderstanding okay i misunderstood #im gonna be surprised by EVRYTHING that happens this months chapter because i DIDNT see any spoilers okay #we’re all pretending that didn’t happen #ooooooohhhhhh im so mad i hate myself so bad rn #actually cried over this btw #im on my period + no sleep from lingering covid cough = VERY out of whack emotions rip #i am like a delicate little flower and superpower mafia comic spoilers will apparently irreparably emotionally destroy me #except they won’t because i didn’t SEE ANYTHING OKAY IT DIDNT HAPPENNNNN #AGGGHHHHHHHHH #insane that it’s not socially acceptable to wail in agony over minor dilemmas at 6 in the morning

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deva-arts · 9 months ago

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☆ Nathaniel Wilson ☆

I Really Like Nathaniel because the guy embodies Hope and Positivity without forcing it down the gullets of everyone around him.

He looks like he'd be a pleasant individual to actually be around at 7 am. Even before his coffee. [ Sera should be too, she doesn't seem like an unbearable person to be around in La Matinée ( the Morning ) . But still, she is alot grumpier than her other half. ]

With that said. Insert Happy music here. Nujabes or Smth.

Submitted by @mettamorphoses!

Love the way you drew Nate here! such a clean style and serious face :> He's my favorite little quadfocal guy... friendly, polite, and a good conversationalist! You're absolutely right, he's one of the easiest people to get along with. It's almost like he knows exactly what to say to people.

Sera isn't grumpy so much as she is disinterested and dismissive. She heads to work without bothering to make small talk besides a basic "Hello." if she passes you by. Not the worst outcome, really, if silence doesn't bother you.

#submission #yeah. i'm in Tags too. wassup witchu #Aight but seriously i wonder how literally anyone would be like at 7 am.#Deva's tags start here =>#If he's home for the day he will always be a good conversationalist and offer breakfast or coffee on a morning #This is literally so cool #queued post #As for people at 7 am...#Sera is up by 4 AM unless Nate doesn't have work. By 7 she has already had breakfast and gotten ready to work on her projects.#If you catch her it is likely after she returns from a morning flight. She'll be civil but it can easily come off the wrong way. aw.#Nate takes a lot of long shifts that stretch into the night. Due to this he and Sera have very contrasting schedules.#If you see him in the morning it is usually only because of the weekend or whatever other days he takes off. He is a very tired guy #Vincent has a very erratic schedule and he is always out and about doing things that fancy him #He is also a HEAVY sleeper. Nothing can really wake him except for a very specific noise #Said sound makes him wake up in a horrendous mood. Most mornings are thankfully safe from this sort of temper.#It is hard to say what new bizarre thing he will get himself into next. Like doomcrying while hidden on the roof of a religious congregatio #Sonia is not up by 7 AM without a good reason to be. She is down at the kitchen in a bathrobe by 9 to eat some breakfast.#Which made her the unknowing first victim of Vincent's newly founded pyramid scheme #Amon is a late riser since he is still used to his old schedule from his time at the Ricciardi mafia. Sleeps late? wakes late!#If it's a weekday he will always be up at 6 AM regardless of the amount he slept to take Adra to school.#Eric tends to wake up early but often gets caught up in personal projects. He loves music and editing his tracks but it really eats his tim #So Eric will be going to sleep at 4 and see Sera making herself coffee whilst Nate is also coming home from work and crashing on the couch.#Not even Amon heads in that late. Maybe Vincent does though. If he's “Traversing the night.” Like he says he does.#Vince can't see very well at night anymore. And the sun is almost blinding now. But it's nothing to an immortal like him! ha! bow before hi

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kissycat · 5 months ago

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Actually considering my severe recurring insomnia it's probably for the better that I don't have a drivers license

#p #fell asleep at 6-8 am every day of the last week except when i took sleeping pills 😃

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vypridae · 6 months ago

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i am home

#xanchats #i am so ready to eat chinese food and draw for 6 hours straight #or watch shayy or smii7y for 6 hours straight and then draw for 5 minutes #IM HOME THATS WHAT MTATERS #AND MY CAT IS HERE AND HE LOVES ME #except he has acted the exact same as always once we got home #i will drag him in here and lay him on my lap and he will sleep because he likes laying on my lap anyway #(i would never do that actually i love my cat and he can make his executive decisions)

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phagodyke · 7 months ago

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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮‍💨

#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable #they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good #like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one #the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell #lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash #and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun #especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off #i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring #after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now #and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it #and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am #ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend #ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that #it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh #anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate #didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol #gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge #typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone #.diaries

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icterid-rubus · 7 months ago

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😕

#scheduled my cat to be put down this Friday #don’t wanna make a post about it but I wanna talk about it #asked my mom to come with to drive me and do the talking. dad asked to come too #except he doesn’t do earnest emotions well and says really stupid and insensitive shit when people are emoting #and I will be sobbing through all this. I already am #on a zoom call with family so they can say goodbye to Chloe and he’s going on about how bad she is sees I’m trying not to cry and says #gee! I don’t think she’ll make it through this! hohoho!#I don’t want anyone to be there with me at all but I know I just won’t be able to talk to the vet and pay #really just a fucked up year. ducked up like 6 years running but whatever #really tired but I can’t sleep. don’t want to talk to people but isolated #I want Chloe’s suffering to be over but I don’t want to let her go.#meanwhile I have bumble person on discord talking to me and it feels like such a slog. I want to ghost. I’m just tired in them and having #to keep up this like essays long reply chain about the minutia of our lives that doesn’t change ever #but that also feels mean because they haven’t been pushy and have been really considerate even when they asked to meet again and I said to #hold off because of my cat and it’s been like two weeks #I haven’t been in instagram because I don’t want fish store person to ask me out #trying to get stuff done for friends baby but realized in all this mess I forgot to block anything. feel like such a failure at everything #making baby presents. keeping my cat alive. making connections #I just don’t want to be perceived at all. I feel like such a non entity #or rather I feel like I should be a non entity. a picture on the wall of a disused room.#I’m so tired.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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I love the imagery of the world encased during the activation of the infinite tsukuyomi. Unnatural brightness illuminating the gnarled branches and roots of a cursed tree encasing everyone in horrible pale cocoons. Imagine a world where that persisted. Eventually, you'd have the husk of that long dead tree full of bones and a proliferation of plants, fungi, and microorganisms

#bc i think it also hypnotizes animals? but like r fish under hypnosis? worms? bugs?#how far does the hypnotic ability extend? i like to think plants and microbes are immune #so you would just get a planet overrun by those guys #ugh. its so annoying that shippuden requires a premium membership on crunchyroll now #im out here watching boruto while shippuden is frozen in the infinite tsukuyomi for me lol #the imagry is just so cool. and its like that episode of the x files with the fungi lol thats kinda exactly what it is #bleh. i cant sleep so im thinking abt naruto. so it goes. i cant believe ive sustained this obsession consistently for over a year lol #naruto ramblings #someday ill draw 6 paths madara and the god tree in a way that cool and fucked up #bc i just love mokuton so much but planning that sort of thing takes so much energy. like i have a page in my prompt book for a garden #and i desperately need to make it a weird chaotic hashirama tribute. like fuse his dead body to a tree. but just the god tree would also b #good. ay so much to draw and im exhaust except is 3.30 am and i cant sleep rip #so im thinking abt ninja hypnotism #unrelated

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girlscience · 1 year ago

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lack of sleep makes me weird

#if i am being generous i got maybe 1-2 hours of sleep last night... i am more inclined to gauge at less than 1 #which meant i was cleaning cat litter at 3 am and deleting various accounts and apps off my phone at 5 am #and playing sudoku for an hour or two around 6 and then showering and doing dishes #i have spent the past several hours also seriously contemplating getting rid of everything i own #(i know that's not smart which is why i was doing my phone to try and redirect the urge... it only kind of worked)#and the idea of putting on clothes for work makes me want to curl in a ball and die #i also deleted youtube off my phone because shorts were rotting my brain as bad as tik tok used to except the algorithm was shit #and i didn't realize how much i'd been using it recently because i am so bored #i have book brain and that's why i didn't sleep... i want to read the next book but i can't because i won't want to stop #and then going to work will be torturous #it's already gonna be stupid hard

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crushedoranges · 2 years ago

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Also sorry abt the depression posting lately guys it 10/10 will probably continue up until the 25th

#may is hard #mothers day and my moms birthday on the 25th #both of which i havent celebrated with her in 13 years #its usually already hard just cuz the circumstances #but this year is harder bc she literally locked me out at midnight bc i went to get a gram of weed and she claimed i was out doing drugs #bean almost fought her neighbors who came out screaming at us????#cops had to be called so we could get our stuff and bless the one cops soul bc he drove us 40 mins to an old homeless spot #and she tried to keep all my stuff i was legit going to sue my mom #it was a huge shitshow and thats why im at beans moms now #so it hurts bc i want to text her but im so hurt by how she treated us while there i just dont know #i didnt text her on mothers day to prove a point and i am still trying to decide on her birthday what i should do #also 6 mo since izzy #so yea fuck may #that green day song about sleeping all month but except instead of September its for may

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softgrungeprophet · 2 years ago

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i don't mean to be totally salty 😂 i like the CONCEPT of felicia's dress in theory (though like i said, i find mj's to be a bit boring, especially compared to some of her past Looks; it's not ugly but the way it's drawn is a bit bland, though i imagine IRL if it was like huge coin-like gold sequins etc it would probably look amazing) but i'm not a big fan of how Fel's dress looks in execution (which may just be an art style problem) and her hair looks awful no matter which way you slice it.

the idea of a cat-ear neckline is so fun, but, idk i am simply not vibing with it 😔

#i also just got home from the dentist like an hour ago after getting only 6 hours of sleep so i am a little tired etc #nadia reads comics #nadia rambles #i have little to nothing to say about janine's. it seems to be a concept that would be good irl but was poorly drawn #like is that supposed to be a bow on her hip?? it just looks like lumps of fabric #but it LOOKs like if it was better drawn it would be something you'd see at a gala or at a fashion week runway show #like that's a dress marilyn monroe would have worn except it was drawn badly lmao

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devotedlystrangewizard · 1 year ago

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as im getting closer & closer to the day that i will officially leave my hometown & go live with my dad i am starting to understand my ocs more

#avani most notably rn. bc shes actually my age and leaves behind everyone and everything she knows #having to grow up the rest of the way in an entirely different situation #because even if the situation youve been in for all your teen years has sucked ass the entire time its still.#its familiar? like. yk. familiar suffering is better than the unknown #personal #ive lived in that house my entire life. ive been with my dad for long stretches of time (all of summer break for instance) and it was fine #i KNOW i cant stay there. my mom's partner has actually physically hurt me and theyre both awful to me #and i also know that the only reason why its been somewhat good there lately is because i rarely speak to them anymore #that is not a house to live in! and i fucking love my dad. my stepsiblings. my stepmom!!#and its not even just the fact that im moving. right. i could probably handle that were it not for me also finishing high school.#i got financial support as a student whos 18+ while i was in high school. now its.#i need to get an income. in a region i barely know. being both physically & mentally disabled.#but not so disabled that im *incapable* of work!! which the law here asks for!!#(or i am and i just dont realize it because ive been working past my limits for so long ive forgotten what they are el em ay oh)#also ill miss my cat so fucking much #i love my dad's cats but shes special man #i miss her rn actually but im going back for the last time in a few days so #i was like. tearing up bc of the anxiety but then i remembered my cat and now im actively trying not to cry loudly #bc its. yk. almost 6 am and its almost waking up time for everyone here except me because. my school ended last month #its bedtime for me actually but i couldnt sleep because i was too busy crying over the fact that i am never going to get that room back #i miss being a child #at least back then it wasnt that complicated! i didnt know i was being mistreated when i was 11!#all of this doesnt even matter that much im just really bad with transitions. which is ironic. im transgender #though granted ive put off getting on that list for that exact reason. im scared of transitioning #like the moment im comfortably settled here and have a job and/or disability benefits. all of this will just be embarrassing #something to look back on and laugh. and then cry because i still miss my cat.

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rubythecrimsonwriter · 2 months ago

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#ive had 24 hrs of horribleness #started my period which caused my chronic pain to flare like crazy #last time i did this i threw up from the pain and complained about inappropriate pain responses for a month #the first time i did this i passed out in my parents' kitchen trying to get to pain meds #spent most of the night trying (failing) to sleep or trying (failing) to managed the pain #finally got the pain under control around noon #had to do a dish shift at work which i normally like doing #pain? managed. ribs? braced. preventative measures? taken. i am ready to wash dishes.#except i definitely wasnt and had to leave in the middle of my shift because my entire left side was shot through with agony #still cant lift my phone with my left side much less anything heavier #went home. couldbt get my shirt off. have already had several minor breakdowns because of pain. now in genuine distress.#cant get my FUCKING shirt off. took a call to my gran and twenty fucking minutes to get my shirt off.#in a button down now so i can get in and out of it easier but oh my gods #anyway almost 24 hours sitting at pain level 6-8 mostly 8 with like three hours non consecutive sleep i am fucking exhausted

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suavis · 4 months ago

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i need to be put down like an old dog fr 😔 now that my teen years are over suddenly i have every problem at once

#got like. 2.5-3 hrs of sleep tn and i wanna die #i havent gotten 8 hours in like. idk a week?#and the only time i actually am able to sleep well i have to get up early for work 💔#and almost every day im nauseous and cant eat so then im hungry to the point of further nausea #im still recovering from my surgery and its complications too #just restarted birth control for my debilitating cramps but not soon enough to stop my cramps this period #and every food is unappealing and makes me feel nauseous to think about eating it except fucking cereal and saltines rn #and ive been up since 6 fuckin am and i just want to go back to sleep :')#and all i can do to make myself feel better is complain but nobodys even around to complain to :( my whole family is out my gf is asleep #and during the day everyone's too busy or sick of my shit since this has been going on for over three weeks now #but ranting abt this on tumblr is actually making me feel better even if nobody sees it or cares #idk man feel like shit need to be given some sort of sleeping pill so i can finally fucking rest

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