#everythings colder and she's the adult in distress and my goodness

[emmaziadarcy]

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON 1.01 | The Heirs of the Dragon 1.10 | The Black Queen

[sprog-writes]

Read here, or on AO3! Word count: 3293 Possible trigger warnings: Danny’s death is referenced, as is that of other ghosts.

Enjoy!

He let himself fall to the ground, phasing through it and stopping himself just in time not to facepalm on sewer water.

“Ghost or no, I’m not getting that on myself” he muttered out loud. He was sure he had lost his parents, he didn’t think they would follow him into the sewers.

But apparently he thought wrong, as he heard the metal sound of the manhole getting opened a couple of feet from him. He started flying again, turning invisible and phasing slightly through the ground once more, ready to flee if necessary, but he couldn’t help but stay to look at them, hoping to see… he didn’t know what, exactly, but he didn’t want to miss it. He thought maybe they’d let something slip, or at least he’d see their new tech in action.

He saw them look his way, scanning their surroundings, most likely in search of his presence. They walked around for a bit, with Danny on their trail, before deciding to split up, his father going back on the streets where they came from and his mom staying in the sewers walking around.

“Jack, dear, everything as expected?” he heard his mom suddenly say. They were probably talking via intercoms, having upgraded their basic equipment over the years, as well as their ghost hunting tech.

‘What does that mean?’ Danny wondered to himself. He didn’t hear the response, but something told him he had better run away from there, far from her. As soon as he actually moved away and phased through the concrete and was back on the street, he was met by his father’s eyes looking directly at him, a smug smile on his face.

Danny looked at his hands to make sure he was still invisible and as he found nothing, he shot a questioning look to his dad, before turning the other ways and flying up to run somewhere safe -or at the very least, safer than there-, instead he found himself face first onto a ghost shield, tumbling back a couple of feet and turning visible again.

“Great…” Danny muttered out loud and found himself asking his dad “Can curiosity kill the cat, if the cat already died?” His father looked at the boy confused, obviously not understanding the contest of Danny’s joke and why it was absolutely hilarious. At least, to Danny it was.

‘Not the time for jokes!’ he thought as he turned intangible again to escape towards the sewers, but as he hit his face against the shield again, he realised that it went all the way around.

He saw his mom cheekly smiling at him before turning around and going back the way she came from, most likely to meet with his dad.

He floated back up, sitting on the street with his arms and legs crossed, and pouting.

“Pouting? Really?” his mother’s voice caught his attention, but he refused to look at her. Getting out of those things was annoying and he really didn’t want to be vivisected by his parents. Or dissected. He was technically a ghost, but also not really, and ghosts are not dead bodies so which one would be more correct? As he wondered his mom continued talking to him “What are you? 5?”

“I’ll have you know” he pointed at himself with his thumb “I am almost of age” Danny announced.

“It’s not like you’ll actually age past 14, ghost” his dad intervened “you’re a ghost!”

Danny stayed silent for a moment, looking at him and then floated to his eye level “Astute observation like alway, Jack” it was always weird having to refer to his parents with their first names, but after a good almost 4 years it became second nature, even a little hard not to mix it up and call them by their names when he was their son, and ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ when he was Phantom.

His dad seemed to take his obvious sarcasm as a genuine compliment and smiled proudly, as his mom shook her head and put a hand on her husband’s shoulder.

“You’re coming with us” as the words left his mom’s mouth, his mood worsened, the air getting colder by the second. His parents visibly noticed. He never meant to do it, but it was hard to control how much cold he emitted, especially when in distress. Some sort of defense mechanism, Sam had once offered as an explanation.

While he was floating, his parents took the opportunity to slide the bottom of a ghost cage under him. Danny recognised it; it was made of ectoranium, impossible to phase through for any ghost. Or, well, half-ghosts, as it were. How his parents got their hands on it, Danny didn’t know.

He sat back down, the same position as before, pout ever present on his face, and the rest of the cage appeared around him.

“You gave up easy” ‘almost too easy’ was left unsaid, but clearly implied. She was wary of what she probably believed to be unusual behaviour for the ghost child, and really. Who could blame her?

“Yeah, well, it’s not like I could’ve gotten out of here, anyway, right now” Danny shrugged, but keeping his face glowering, eyes just a tint of toxic green too much.

“Contrary to popular belief,” he decided to add, as his parents started lifting the cage -complete with its own ghost shield- to carry him to the familiar RV “And by popular opinion I mean, specifically, your opinion” the halfa turned to glare at the two adults holding his temporary prison, no real malice behind it “I am neither dumb, nor do I want to hurt humans!” he huffed, having had this conversation with his folks too many times to count.

Danny realized that carrying him in a metal cage was not going to be a good experience, the RV being pretty far away from his point of capture, so he started floating a bit. Not too much to hit the metal roof, but enough to take off the weight of his ecto-body.

A thought entered his mind, so he ignored his dad’s questioning look, probably in relation to his act of altruism towards his capturers, to ask “Why a cage?” he didn’t really expect an answer, and when neither of his parents answered he let out a heavy breath, a little disappointed.

Then, Danny heard his mom sigh and saw her shake her head as she asked for clarification “What do you mean, ghost?”

“Well, isn’t a cage a little… I don’t know… primitive? Couldn’t you have captured me with one of your Fenton Thermoses?” to Danny it seemed more work than it was worth. The Thermos would contain him and he would be much easier to carry.

“We wanted to keep you under observation” his dad butted in, making Danny turn to look at him.

“What if I just turn invisible? Can’t really observe me if you can’t see me” he smirked as he thought of turning invisible just to piss them off.

But his dad kept smiling, and even without checking, he was almost certain that his mom was doing the same. They had found him before, when he was invisible. Ergo: they had something to track him down with.

His own grin was wiped off of his face as the realization of them being several steps ahead hit him, as he began assessing their tech, everything they had with them, everything that could be new.

‘Man, I should really pay more attention when they talk about their new inventions’ he scolded himself for being so careless.

That was when he saw it. “Your goggles” he shook his head ‘The lenses are green, how did I miss that?’ Danny chastised himself for not noticing it in time.

“What is it? Heat signature? Ectoplasmic residue? A bit of both?” The look on their faces was one of confusion and mild astonishment. His dad opened his mouth, but before he could utter a word, probably about to give Danny an honest response, his mom answered him “We won’t tell you how our weapons work. It would be giving you a way to work around them” she glared at him, a silent threat not to try anything stupid.

“So I was right on the money. It’s a bit of both, isn’t it?” he put his hands down, floating a bit more to put himself in a more comfortable position “Man, you guys are good!” he chuckled, then sighed loudly when his eyes landed back on the cage’s bars.

“Well, I’m taking a nap” a yawn escaped his mouth before he could catch it, watering his eyes a bit “Wake me up when you need me” he rolled to the side and, using his forearm and hand as a makeshift cushion, he closed his eyes, hoping he could drift off to sleep.

But his peace was short lived, as he heard his mother groan not more than a few minutes later. He opened one of his eyes to look at her, and as lucidely as possible addressed her.

“What?” he asked.

“You can drop the act, stop trying to pretend you’re human”

“Maddie, I don’t know if you noticed, but it’s about…” he made a point to look at the sky, as if assessing the time. He could, if he wanted, with just a bit more time. But not at that moment “ass o’clock in the morning!” he emphasized his point by turning around and looking the other way “I’m tired and I want to sleep. So” he yawned again “if you do not require my services” he said, with as much of a posh english accent he could master “I’m going to take a power nap”

It seemed that his parents really didn’t want him to sleep, as his attempt to slumber was once again interrupted by his mom speaking, as the cage was lowered in the backseat of the RV “You’re a ghost” she simply stated.

Danny stayed silent for a second, then sighed. He had been doing that a lot that day “And you’re a human” he hoped she would understand that stating the obvious wasn’t going to help her with whatever she needed from him.

“You don’t need to sleep” she stated, once again, as if it was an undeniable, scientific truth she gathered studying ghosts, and not a prejudice developed after years of conjectures.

Danny gave up on trying to catch some shut eye. He would have to take a nap during lunch the next day, because at that point he was sure it was going to be another all-nighter. He stayed laying down, with his back towards the cage’s floor and his hands behind his head, still floating a little. It made him feel more comfortable, as a ghost, to be above ground instead of touching it. He thought it had to do with the change in weight that came with his body changing from meat to ectoplasm, but he couldn’t be sure.

He closed his eyes, but didn’t try to fall asleep, as his dad started driving “If I wasn’t already dead, I’m sure your driving would kill me” he complained to himself. His breath hitched, as the vehicle swayed all of a sudden, the motion causing a startled noise to exit his mouth and his eyes to open.

“Why do you put that much effort in seeming human? It won’t work with us” his mom didn’t even turn around to look at him. Danny wouldn’t lie and say it never hurts to be treated like that from his parents, but he knew they would change their point of view in a heartbeat if he revealed himself. After all, he had lived it.

But he never did. The cons had always outweighed the pros, the pain he would bring them to see what they unconsciously did wasn’t worth it. They would fret, and worry, and blame themselves for everything. Danny didn’t want that. He didn’t want to see the look in their eyes when they realized how much they had involuntarily hurt him.

“What do you mean?” he tiredly decided to ask his mom.

“You know what I mean,” his mom replied, completely useful. Danny raised an eyebrow at her, awaiting clarification.

She sighed “I mean” she said harshly “the breathing. The saying you want to-to- to sleep!” she sounded utterly done with the whole situation “I don’t understand what benefits you get from keeping up the charade, seeing as it won’t work” she unfatised the last words, making it clear for Danny that they didn’t buy whatever they thought he was selling.

He looked at her, closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled “Do you want an actual answer you will listen to? You will consider what I say, even if it doesn’t align with what you think you know about ghosts?” he knew they weren’t going to. They were stuck in their way, too obsessed with being right to even consider that something was different, twisting every bit of evidence they got to fit their beliefs.

His parents shared a glance. His dad had seemed more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He never wanted to prove that ghosts were evil -after all, why would someone wish for inherently evil things to exist?- no, he just had always wanted to get rid of those that were, and for a while it was all of them. But a lot of things happened over the years, he met a lot of ghosts that didn’t fit the mold they created with speculations.

His mom, Danny knew, was the same. But she was also in denial. She didn’t want her entire worldview to change, because the unknown was scary.

‘Wow’ Danny thought ‘I’ve been hanging out with Jazz too much’

He saw his father smile and turn to look at the road in front of him, as did his mother, but she wasn’t smiling. She had her arms crossed and looked at Danny from the rearview mirror.

“We’ll humour you” she simply stated.

‘Well… It’s a start’ Danny wasn’t going to look a gifted horse in the mouth.

“Have you ever considered I’m not faking it?” that elicited a chuckle from his mom “Yeah, sure” she said sarcastically “You don’t need to breathe, why would you?”

“I’m not sure” Danny answered honestly “I’ve thought about it, though” he, Jazz and Sam had that conversation once, when he was still scared of not being completely human. When he hadn’t quite accepted everything that had happened.

“That’s your answer? ‘I don’t know, but I’m not faking it’?” his dad said, incredulous.

“I can give you some theories I have,” he offered. He won’t let that afternoon of oversharing insecurities with his -at the time- wanna-be-psychologist sister go to waste.

“Sure” they said at the same time, his dad with a curious note to his voice, while his mom just sounded wary.

“Well…” he thought about where to start. He could pull out the big guns, but was it really worth it to lay bare his doubts in front of his parents? He decided that maybe it was, if he could change their opinions like that.

“The most probable thing is I do it out of habit” he shrugged “even though I don’t need it, I’ve been doing it for 14 years, so it’s hard to just… not. Somethings I catch myself not breathing and I panic, before remembering that it’s not a big deal” which was something that Tucker always made fun of him for, but after it always got a good laugh out of all of them.

He waited for his parents to say something, but they didn’t comment, so he kept going “The other theory I had for a while, which was mostly before I stopped aging, was that it was a subconscious thing” he heard his father mutter under his breath “Aging?”

“Yeah, I kept aging for a while, but I don’t know if you could actually call it that. I think that since I died before finishing puberty I… Involuntarily kept changing my body to look like I was still, somehow, going through puberty”

“What made you stop?” His father seemed much more interested in all that than his mom, who just looked skeptical. He answered anyway.

“I noticed that ghosts weren’t supposed to change. Seeing how young Youngblood is, how long Dorothea has been a ghost even though she’s been one since the 12th century made me realize that” it had been a little painful, Dora had actually been very supportive and helpful about it. Clockwork tried to help, but he didn’t really understand with his whole ‘being all ages at the same time’ thing he had going on.

“I was in denial. About the whole ‘being dead’ thing. When I accepted that it was it. I wasn’t going to get a driver’s licence. I wasn’t going to be old enough to drink. I wouldn’t graduate. That’s when I stopped aging” it wasn’t a lie per se, sure. It was true that he did age for a while before accepting the fact that, partially, he was a ghost and nothing could change that. But he would still be able to achieve some of the things he wouldn’t be able to do if he was fully a ghost.

Sure, he had given up on being an astronaut, certain that he couldn’t pass any medical exam, but at the end of the day, he could go up to see the stars every time he wanted. Basically everything else on his list was doable.

“So,” his mom’s voice brought him back from his daydreaming “you’re saying you remember your time being alive?” she sounded like she hadn’t believed a single thing that came out of his mouth, but like the sole thought of something like that being possible was intriguing at the very least.

“Some ghosts do, other don’t” he yawned, a very high-pitched sound coming out of his mouth at the end “Word of advice though, it’s generally considered very rude to ask a ghost anything to do with their time as a living person or, and I cannot stress this enough, about their death. Unless they’re the ones starting that kind of conversation” Danny decided to warn them. He knew some ghosts wouldn’t do anything if someone asks, but they’d most likely get their day ruined. Others could just try to harm them for such queries.

“And why is that?” His mom’s tone of voice made that question sound like a little bit of a challenge, but Danny wasn’t kidding. It was a sensitive topic, one that even he found difficult to talk about, even with his friends.

“Because happy people don’t become ghosts” his voice was flat, void of emotion and low enough that for a second he wondered if his parents even heard him.

Then his dad spoke up “I’m sorry kiddo. Must’ve been awful” his mom looked like she wanted to argue, but didn’t really have it in her heart. After all, ghost or not, he still looked like a teen, and everyone would be heartbroken when confronted with the idea of someone so young, not only dying, be having such a horrible life, or dying in such a traumatic way that they become a ghost.

Youngblood came to Danny’s mind. He didn’t think he ever wanted to know.

The rest of the ride was suffered in silence by both parties. Despite his desire to rest, Danny couldn’t fall asleep after having had such a conversation with his parents. He wasn’t delusional enough to think that one simple conversation was going to fix things, but he still hoped that it could be a start.

[bahrlee]

Suck the Blood to my Wound - Beok AU

Hello LGBTQ+ community it is chapter time

🦇🦇🦇Chapter 23: The Okay Summer🦇🦇🦇

Summer was coming to a glorious climax. People started leaving their summer homes in town and driving or flying back to wherever they came from. The sun was starting to inch it's way to the other side of the earth at an earlier time. Though he had friends to distract him, the dread in the back of his mind was present. Sure, the weather will stay the same. It was much different than its impact up north where the snow caked everything in sight and melted into cold water into your shoes and onto the roads, eroding the cement and creating potholes that are shotily filled with tar, snow shoveled up into dirty, muddy piles on the side of the road, and freezing dogs feet to the point where they limp back inside, shivering. Yet he still felt the pain of the mere existence of a fall and a winter. The days were shorter, and that's all that mattered to him. The nightmares were worse. Things that were sad were even sadder. Things that were scary were now terrifying, and things that concerned him turned him into a paranoid mess.

   Then, all of a sudden, September First. Right there, on his calendar in big blocky letters right above a picture of a tree with a tire swing hanging off from one of the branches. He let out his first defeated sigh of this era. He wasn't there yet, the sun was just out long enough to keep him out of this miserable rut, but it was soon. Very soon. He felt it right behind him. 

   "Beach, are you okay?" Dook asked him when seeing him on this day, the way he looked down at the floor with a hopelessness Dook didn't get to see on him yet.

   He shrugged, unable to really describe the feeling of impending emptiness. "Just the seasons changing, that's all. And I still miss Roxy."

   Dook nodded. At least with the sun setting, they had a little more time they could spend together. The streetlights were just turning on, the sky a bluish violet, the stars beginning to blink through the ominous grey clouds overhead. They didn't really know what they were doing, but that was something they always figured out along the way. Walking together, was all they wanted to do, holding hands, talking, and laughing. Getting their mind off of things.

   "You're not a big fan of change, are you?" He said. 

   He shook his head yes. "I get so used to things when they're one way, that it's hard sometimes to do it another. I've gotten better, but sometimes I can't help but want to scream about it."

   "It's hard, yeah." Dook sighed. "You didn't seem like the anxious type when I first met you."

   "I…. Get that quite a bit." 

   They swung their locked hands back and forth, picking up their pace a little bit. A car trundled by and turned a corner. Neon red and blue 'open' signs were beginning to flicker off as places began to close. Tonight was a very humid night, a definite sign it was going to rain soon. And here they were, outside, surrounded by close or closing buildings, with no umbrella. It was no surprise to them when it started to sprinkle. Then, the rain started to grow heavy, causing them to run, in a mess of giggles, in search of a place to hide under.

   They found a place under an awning, soaked and out of breath. They were quiet for a long moment---the two watched it rain, their hands still intertwined. Beach turned to Dook, his eyes clouded and unfocused. 

   "I like the rain." Dook said quietly. 

   "We needed it."

   "Yeah, we did." 

   Beach unhooked their hands and put his arm around Dooks waist. It was different, touching someone when their clothes were wet, and sticking to their skin, and when their hair was damp and frizzing. Maybe because they were cold (which in this case Dook was even colder) and shivering, and so touching felt different. It was, overall, just a different experience. He felt Dook lean his head on his shoulder. "This is the first uh…. Kinda decent summer I've had in awhile."

   "Really?"

   "I-I mean---yeah, I met you, I got away from Rolfe a couple of times, this summer has been…. Okay."

   "Hard to have an okay summer when you can't really go into the sun." Beach remarked.

   "....true." Dook said. "But I'd rather focus on what happened that was good. There are things that would've made it better, but if okay is all I can get, I'm taking it."

   "You deserve a better summer." Beach said, leaning his head down on top of his. "I'd give you a better summer if I could."

   "You already have."

   "An even better one, then."

   The sound of the rain patting against the fabric of the awning and the water pouring out of the gutters filled their ears as they watched another car go by, a tire sloshing through a puddle building up in the curb. The rain felt like it would never stop, but that was okay for them.

🦇🦇🦇

   Mitzi rushing into his house, unnerved, was always a warning sign. "I found a dead member of my pod nearby…" she squeaked. "They were bleeding out, in their sea form, they had salt all over them….I dragged them into the ocean and back home, for my aunts to take care of it. But…"

   "Oh no, Mitzi, I'm sorry...." Beach said.

   "I wish we couldn't sense each other like this. I wish our disguises were used to hide from them, too. But whatever, senses give it away, and someone I know ends up dead."

   "Are you sure it was Rolfe?" He asked.

   "Well if it were Dook he'd have a lot of explaining to do, hes squeamish. Rolfes a wimp, but he's proven to be a cold hearted killer." Her hands were shaking her eyes couldn't focus on one thing, shifting everywhere as her mind grappling with the unadulterated fear she was feeling. "I'm really scared, what if he finds my aunts? What if he kills them too?" 

   "Mitzi, don't get paranoid." He gently put his hands on her shoulders, like an uncle trying to cheer up their upset niece who just scraped her knee falling off her bike.

   She was beginning to cry, unable to handle the dear she was having. 

   "Oh Mitzi…." Beach said quietly.

   "I can't help but feel like something bad is going to happen." She sniffled.

   Beach didn't really know what to say---considering how many bad things happened already, he couldn't blame her for suspecting even more bad things to come about. She copied the defeated expression he gave her in solidarity. No positive or hopeful quote or saying could make them feel any better.

   "Let's just make sure we don't get hurt." He said.

   She nodded solemnly, hanging her head low afterwards. He didn't really know what to do. He wasn't much of a hugger, but she needed one. He was willing to put his disdain aside to give her one. Paternal instincts were something he's gained from this whole narrative. She hugged back, her hands clinging to him like a child. 

   "I won't let anything bad happen to you." He said. Her aunts will kill me if I do, he thought.

   "I want fruit roll ups." She whined, wiping away her black tears when she let go.

   "Oh my god…. I don't have those."

   She began to tear up again.

   "Oh my god, Mitzi…."

   "I want fruit roll ups…."

   This is what it must've felt like to have a teenage sister. All she did was worry, eat, and cry, and he had to deal with it. He didn't mind though. He cared for her, even when she was being this way. So when she snagged her arms around him again, he didn't push her away. 

   "You wanna watch a movie?" He said.

   "Camp rock?" She looked up at him, her inky tears staining his shirt.

   "Sure, if you want."

   "The weird fish movie then?"

   He paused for a moment. "That movie will make you feel worse."

   "But it's animated!"

   "That means nothing."

   "Fine…. We can watch camp rock."

   "I…. Have other movies besides the fish movie and camp rock."

   She didn't respond, buried her head into his shirt, and kept hugging him. He stroked the back of her head, confused but sympathetic. "Camp Rock it is, I guess."

🦇🦇🦇

   He poured Mitzi a glass of Tropicana fruit punch, since she was craving something fruity and was quite dehydrated after crying the way she did. She drank it the way a kid did---no stopping for breath, just wheezing into the cup as she drank, the soothing feeling of a beverage going down your throat after a cry was an immaculate one. She also wrapped herself with a blanket. He didn't know whether he should be glad, or scared that she was becoming comfortable enough that she could make herself at home. He put on camp rock, since she was convinced for some reason it was the only movie to exist, and she stared at it, like how he did at Peanuts holiday specials as a kid and sometimes still as an adult, her eyes still red from the crying. She seemed so innocent when she was like this. She was so fragile, and naive, so much like the kid she was. He knew deep down she knew a lot, she dealt with a lot, and she did a lot, but, a lot like Dook, she was still a kid. She was still learning many things, and maturing in the sense of how she dealt with things.

   "Are you feeling a little better?" He asked her, when she finished her drink.

   "I guess. A little bit. I don't know." She pulled the blanket tighter around herself.

   "Ah, got it." He leaned back.

   "I'm starting to see why my aunts are so protective of me now…." She sighed, hunching over and bundling her legs up into her blanket as if she were cocooning herself. "It really is dangerous up here. Fish are assholes, but…. Werewolves are worse."

   He gave her a pat on the shoulder.

   They continued to watch camp rock in an odd silence. Mitzi's eyes began to droop, growing increasingly tired. Curled up into a little ball, she fell sideways, asleep. Beach smiled, and continued to watch the movie in the quiet, letting her rest. There was nothing like the feeling of sleeping off an unwanted cry. Those kinds of cries always induced headaches and fatigue, dehydration, feelings of hopelessness…. Basically, crying when distressed like how Mitzi was resulted in medication side effects. It was the mind's confusing way of releasing confusingly painful and stressful emotions. She deserved her rest.

   An hour after the move ended, she woke back up, looking disoriented and confused. "Where am i?" She asked.

   "My house."

   "Oh. That's right."

   Beach smiled. "Let's getcha home." he got up, pulling her off the couch, the blanket falling to her knees. She tripped her way out of it, still sleepy, and sulking from her bad mood. She was quiet in the car, just as she was when he first drove her to the sea that first tonight they met. It suddenly hit him how long it has been since he met her.

   He dropped her off, she waved goodbye, and ran off to the Beach and into the ocean, to be seen again whenever.

   He got out of his car himself and climbed up to the roof, taking in the night. He was going to miss this when the nightmares parked their way into his mind for the next 6 months. The loud crickets and frogs, looking at the stars, the feeling of, even in complete darkness, safety, and security. Without the feeling something was lurking behind him. Although, this time, there was something lurking behind him. He was jolted by a thunk on his car from behind him. And there was Rolfe, a sly, knowing smile on his face. Beach felt his heartbeat gain traction, his guard flipping up as he tried to keep a brace face while looking back at him.

   "Interesting to find you out here. Visiting her again?" He asked. The tone of his voice was unpleasant.

   "Just got her home. Seems just in time too." He swallowed, suspicious, nervous, and anything else he could possibly be in this moment. 

   "Did she like my surprise?"

   "Wh---it was you, of course it was you!" He seethed. "She nearly had a panic attack from what you've done!"

   He let out a pleasant laugh. "Glad to know. She's getting too cocky herself. Had to do what I did with you and send her a warning. I've seen her stalking Dook. She brought along a friend the most recent time, the friend being the one i…. Seasoned."

   Beach almost threw up in his mouth from how terrible that threatening villain pun was. Then he wondered why Mitzi kept that detail from him. It explained her guilt a little more in depth, too. 

   "Right when I thought Dook was an airhead he decided to move to a place populated with sea monsters, knowing they'd become obstacles. I should've known better than to think a vampire, any vampire, wasn't cunning in some way." He monologues, mostly just to hear himself talk. Beach still listened, though, as he was afraid to run, this was his car, and he liked hearing Dook get complimented.

   "He's pretty street smart. Thought you'd know that pretty well after all these years of following him." He snarked back.

   "Watch it."

   "Or what?"

   "Do you want me to kill someone else near and dear to your heart?! You don't know what'll happen to me if I don't get Dook back in this next month! Its terrible!"

   "In other words, wonderful to everyone else. What happens?" He asked.

   "The mafia unit in this state starts hunting me down, too. I could get killed!" He said. "I've gotten every vampire I've ever hunted to break, and give in, but since the beginning, no wolf has been able to get under his skin! Not even the house of pain could get under his skin! And there are ways of torture there that involve literally doing that. The fact they don't give me backup for this guy makes me angry!"

   "Every thought about why you can never get him to comply?"

   "What?" He crossed his arms. 

   This was a surreal, diplomatic moment. Rolfe was showing some form of vulnerability, so he had to use that to at least in some way protect Dook, Mitzi, and whomever else. 

   "Well, for starters, he never wanted to be a vampire in the first place. And you caught him at the point of his life he was looking forward to. He was just starting to figure things out, he was going to get his life together. But right before he could even try, he was forced into all of this. Ever thought about what that's like, you're finally rising from the ashes, only to be taken and thrown into another fire? He must've been very optimistic, because of the fact it gave him such an urge to fight for so many years. He wants his old life back, and since he can't get it, the least he wants is to be left alone." He explained.

   "Hmm…" Rolfe put a finger to his mouth, thinking. He didn't seem like the type to show remorse, but he was hoping for him to at least think. "It would explain why he's so relentless. Ever since the day the Boss wolf introduced him to the rest of the mafia, he struggled in his arms. You know how he escaped the house during his visit? He was buried alive in a box. He used the spikes on one of his bracelets, chiselled and broke his way out of the box, unburied himself, and made a run for it. I've never seen someone fight so hard to get away."

   "Then why don't you let him get away? Tell the mafia he stepped into the sun, or he ate some garlic?" Beach questioned. "Why try, if he'll never break?"

   "I have to at least try. The Boss Wolf is my father. He taught me how to capture even the most unrestful of vampires. He assigned me Dook because he believes in me. And if I fail, he wont go easy on me just because I'm his son. I'll end up as dead as the other wolves before me. I have to. This is my duty. I don't care if it takes until in 90, I'm going to get Dook back there somehow." Rolfe explained. "You really care about him this much you're trying to reason with the enemy?"

   "Yeah, I do…." He really hoped Rolfe didn't know they were, in some way, an item.

   He panicked to himself, a knowing grin on his face. "He's gonna break your heart, kid. I've seen this one too many times. He likes to fly in and out of relationships. He moves from town to town, falling in love and then having to leave them behind. From what my father learned about him, hes lovesick, but clumsy. You two will probably last as long as his last one."

A   Beach shrugged not knowing how to respond with his words. Rolfe could sense his thinking, which only made his smile grow.

   "Ha, don't even try to argue. You know it deep inside. Dook is only a small blip in your life as it will be in his, just like the other times. You'll remember him more as this seems to be your first big fling, but to Dook, it's just another name on a list. You're expecting a lot from a hussy, Beach. Get that through your brain. I thought you were smart." He sneered.

   Beach looked at him intensely. He knew that wasn't the case for them, but it still damaged him to think that…. Maybe it was. If he didn't become a vampire, he was just going to be left behind as Dook moved away to get away from Rolfe again, and probably find somebody new. He was always telling himself he didnt care if it didn't work out in the long run, but it was like deep down inside, that was exactly what he wanted. He wanted it to be long term. He wanted him to stay here with him. He wanted to wake up next to him, run through the rain with him, hold his hands in a dark theater with him forever. But could that really happen? Was he too blinded by his own love to see that maybe this relationship didn't mean as much to him? 

   "Don't say I told ya so if you dont last for another couple months. It's best you just let Dook and I do our cat and mouse until he leaves again, leaving you stranded." He turned around and began to walk away.

   "For someone who's been following him around for years, I'm assuming, you sure don't know that much about him."

   Rolfe stopped and turned around, rolling his eyes, yet still intrigued by what he had to say. 

  "He has a past. He's done things he isn't proud of. But she's much more complex than you think." He hoped off of the top of the car. "You're idea of him is very…. Flat. Static. Two-dimensional. People change and learn. And although he's been stuck in the same mindset, I'm sure he's learned how to take things slower than he had in the past."

   "Really? If you're taking it slow…. How many times have you slept together?"

   Beach scoffed, and gave him a face of disgust. "That's a personal question."

   "A couple times then, I'm guessing---"

   "That is a personal question." He repeated his voice suddenly intense. "I don't get what the obsession is with that, so can you please shut the hell up about it!?"

   Rolfe looked at him in shock. He didn't know he had it in him to raise his voice like that. "Very well then. Have your mindless fun. Act like he won't leave you in the dust. Move as fast as you like. But you've been warned. You have your Hopes too high."

   He turned around again, and walked off, that stupid smile still on his face. 

   Beach cursed under his breath, unlocked his car, climbed in and drove home, feeling invaded, dumb, and cranky. His three least favorite things to feel.

[tacitusauxilium]

Angst/Comfort/Fluff Marie/Fuuka drabble for mun

Marie rolled her eyes, as she watched Shinjiro and Fuuka argue again, finish with nothing resolved (as usual), and Shinjiro leaving their apartment, with Fuuka moping. Every week they argue about the same thing. Shinjiro’s kidneys and liver are failing, thanks to the pills from Takaya, and he’s insistent on not doing anything about it. Meaning he’d die. And he’s oddly content with that. Fuuka well, isn’t.

She honestly wondered for a while what did Fuuka see in him? Cause all he brings is headaches. Fuuka and her are rooming, and Shinjiro, while being Fuuka’s boyfriend, didn’t tend to stay; mostly because Marie managed to make him leave.

Marie doesn’t hate Shinjiro. When he’s not in his brooding moods, he can be someone worthwhile to talk to. But whenever he’s brooding (which is…a lot, unfortunately), he’s just intolerable, and she’s talked about it with Fuuka before. To no surprise, Fuuka insists on ‘changing him’.

Marie blatantly told her “Teal, you don’t change people like him. They’re damaged goods.”

Just hearing those words almost made Fuuka slap Marie. She held back…on principle. “You don’t know him Marie-chan.”

Marie rolled her eyes, almost tempted to scoff. “Yeah Teal. I do. We both know it’s an excuse, because you don’t want to admit that-“

“-It’s late, and I don’t want to discuss this.” Fuuka was quick to interrupt, though Marie could see Fuuka vividly shaking, and nearly holding back from tearing up. “So, if you EXCUSE ME Marie-chan.” Fuuka stormed off and slammed the door to her room shut and locked it.

Marie sighed. She rubbed her temples, annoyed. ‘For all your genius Teal, you can be incredibly naïve…you don’t ‘fix’ people. End of story.’

Fuuka didn’t talk to her for a week, and even then, conversations weren’t long. Marie was honestly getting sick of the cold shoulder treatment. She wasn’t the villain in this, and she didn’t have to take this treatment from Fuuka. She can love Shinjiro all she wants, but ‘fixing’ him is not something she’s obligated to do in the first place. If he wants to die, that’s on him, not her.

“Teal, I want to talk.”

“Not now Marie-chan.”

Oh, she knows that tone. The ‘I know where this is going, and I don’t want it’ tone. Too bad Marie is having none of that today.

Before Fuuka could enter her room, Marie flicked her fingers. A strong gust of wind shut the door. “I’m not giving you an option.” Marie spoke colder this time. She motions to the sofa.

Fuuka was tempted to tell her no. Out of daring, she tried to open the door to her room. Locked. …Must have locked it with the wind.

Defeated, and slightly angered, Fuuka storms to the sofa and sits, glaring at Marie. “What is it Marie-chan?” the irritation in her voice practically screams ‘get over with it already.’

Marie decided to just get to the point. “We didn’t finish the discussion last week. You know, the one you cut me off cause ‘you didn’t want to discuss it’.”

Fuuka nods “Well there you go; I don’t want to discuss.” Of course, Marie would bring that up. Fuuka didn’t want to hear whatever Marie has to say. Its not her problem to begin with.

“Well I do.” Marie deadpanned, tempted to do a mocking tone. She held back. “Because I’m worried-“

“Oh, NOW you’re concerned?” Fuuka retorts before Marie can even finish; and rather angrily at that. “Because last I checked, Shinjiro-kun is not YOUR boyfriend.”

Marie didn’t care for the glare, and only crosses her arms in return. “Worried about YOU, Teal. Not him. YOU.”

Fuuka grimaced, partially guilty for snapping like that…but still on-edge. “I’m doing fine Marie-chan.”

“Except that you’re not.” Marie rebuts. “You’re more exhausted than you’ve ever been, and I know its not because of Crimson. She works you hard, but not hard enough to literally zap away the enthusiasm out of you. You force yourself to eat, and sometimes you even forget to bathe. I have to freaking remind you. You’re not adulting very well Teal.”

Fuuka bit her lip, knowing where this was going. “And I thank you for that Marie-chan, but I’m doing-“

“You need to drop the ‘fix’ act on Hobo, or just dump him.”

And there it is. The smoking gun that Fuuka didn’t want to hear. Fuuka trembled, the anger inside her, the stress and anxiety from the last few weeks of arguing with Shinjiro, Mitsuru’s constant work stress, Marie’s nagging…its all started to boil inside her in an ugly way.

Between wanting to throw something at Marie (the jar right now looks tempting), and tackling her, Fuuka decided to not…do either of those. She just glared at Marie harder, practically fuming. “My relationship with Shinjiro is not your business Marie-chan. Stay out of it.” That last part came out more as a threat than anything else.”  

But Marie wasn’t going to have any of Fuuka’s excuses, or empty threats as is. The situation is at its breaking limit, and if Marie can’t make Fuuka understand now, then she never will. “Except that it is.” Marie deadpanned, not fazed by Fuuka’s mild attempt at a threat. “We’re roommates in case you forgot. We have each other’s backs, and if someone is falling, we help the other back up. And right now- “ Marie points at Fuuka “You Teal, are gonna hit the floor hard by taking on more than you can handle.”

Not that Fuuka wanted to be touched by Marie’s words, but right now her distress and anger are clouding that, sadly. “Well maybe if I could help Shinjiro with-“

“There’s no helping damaged goods Teal.”

SNAP

Those words again. Those damn words Fuuka has heard about Shinjiro from so many people. She didn’t want to believe Marie would say them too. She didn’t want to think that Marie would be on their side, and not hers.

She was wrong all along. Marie sees Shinjiro like everyone else does, not like she does; and she hates that so much.

“HE IS NOT DAMAGED GOODS!” Fuuka didn’t even realize how loud she yelled that. The tears that have been welling up inside her, escape like a dam leaking as she stood up to stand tall over Marie. “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HIM LIKE I DO MARIE-CHAN, NONE OF YOU FREAKING DO, OR EVEN TRY TO! YOU ALL JUST JUDGE HIM CAUSE NONE OF YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH WHAT HE DOES! HE NEEDS HELP MY HELP!”

Marie certainly wasn’t expecting Fuuka to blow up. It was worse than she thought, but at the same time, it has to be done. “Cause there’s nothing to understand!”

“YES, THERE IS!” Fuuka’s practically bawling now. In sadness, in rage, in loss of being heard. Not that there was anything to be heard, but Fuuka didn’t want to admit that. “SHINJIRO-“

‘-Is a grown man.” Marie finished. “He’s 22 years old. He’s an adult.” Marie stands up, not intimidated by Fuuka of all people. “He can take care of himself and his own problems, and if he doesn’t want your help, the best you can do is respect his decision, instead of forcing yourself in. Because as you said Teal, he’s your boyfriend. You’re not his mother, you don’t have to dote his every decision or criticize his every action. You can talk to him about it, but he has to make the decision himself on what he wants to do.” Marie pauses for a moment, noticing that her words are having an effect on Fuuka. Her anger is leaving her; and reasoning is hitting hard. “…If he doesn’t want to do the organ transplant to save his liver and kidney’s Teal, then that’s…his decision, even if it means him dying.” She slowly, carefully walks over to Fuuka. She stopped crying, but the dam is certainly not done leaking.

“It doesn’t mean you failed as his girlfriend.”

Fuuka knew, deep down that every word Marie said was the truth. The cold, hard, harsh truth that she wanted to deny for so long. When she learned of Shinjiro’s condition, she just told him to get the organ transplant, problem solved. But he refused. Fuuka honestly believed that he was simply scared; and with some light pushing and motivations. But that only made Shinjiro more aggressive, and Fuuka couldn’t comprehend why. Why wouldn’t he want to live? Sure, he’d be bedridden for a few weeks, but it wouldn’t be anything serious.

Then in one of their arguments, he dropped it. Miki Sanada.

15 years. 15 years, and despite everything, every effort to move forward…Shinjiro fell back to step 1. He can’t let go, he REFUSES to let go, and their arguments the last few weeks have been about that. But every, one of them ended in failure for Fuuka.

Shinjiro can’t let go. End of story. Fuuka adamantly refused to accept that, with every fiber of her being and hoped to smash common freaking sense into Shinjiro. She tried, tried, and tried again. Against Mitsuru’s complacency, against Akihiko’s acceptance, against Yukari’s pity…

Against Marie’s truth.

That wasn’t the case. She couldn’t…because Shinjiro wouldn’t accept that. Not then, not now…possibly not ever.

Shinjiro would have a year to live, and that was it. Nothing else to discuss except his funeral arrangements.

Fuuka could see it now, see it happen, see it go, and see it fade. Her dreams, her future, her wishes.

Marie held onto Fuuka as she finally let go, and sobbed loudly onto her arms, hugging her roommate and dear friend for dear life. Marie sighed, wishing it hadn’t come to this…but it did. For all odds, for all the bridges built…all for nothing.

About 10 minutes later, Fuuka fell asleep on Marie’s arms. Marie carefully lifts her and carries her back to her room (after opening the door with the wind of course). She tucked Fuuka in, and let her sleep…

About 4 hours later in the evening, Marie heard the shower turn on…must be Fuuka. She had already bathed and is watching TV, clad in a simple long shirt that reaches her thighs and underwear.

Minutes later, Fuuka sits next to her, wearing a nightgown and underwear. Her hair is also loosened, not braided like usual. “…Hi…” Fuuka shyly spoke.

“Hey.” Marie greets her normally. “Sleep well?”

Fuuka nodded. “Uhu…thank you…Marie-chan. For earlier.”

Marie raised an eyebrow. “You’re thanking me? You were pretty angry.”

“…I kind of am…still.” Fuuka sighed, hands on her lap. “But not at you…rather at me. …You were right, about everything.” She sniffed. “I hate feeling this way…so helpless, worse…knowing you want to help but the help is not accepted.” She looks at Marie, a despondent gaze over her normally starry teal eyes. “…Ever since I can remember, I wanted someone, anyone to accept me. Not as a lover, but as a friend, a companion, to never leave me alone. Shinjiro…” she bit her lip “I-I thought…I felt…” she raised her hand and gripped her chest; heart still aching. “…I wanted a family…” she nearly broke again when she said that.

“…But now that’s impossible.” Marie finished for her. However, Fuuka shook her head.

“I didn’t mention it before, but in one of our arguments…Shinjiro plain told me, that he didn’t want to be a father.” A few tears left her. “I was so hurt…I slapped him.” She confessed. “It was the first time I did that. He didn’t even react. He just walked away…and I hated that. I wish he had said something, dome something, even slap me back, I didn’t care. I just…” Fuuka gritted her teeth. “I wanted him to acknowledge that there was something between us, and I wasn’t just his…fuck toy!” she yelled. “But nothing…! And I just…” she sniffed, wiping away her tears “I thought I emptied myself out…”

She’s surprised when Marie hands her a handkerchief. “You never truly do.” She smiles at her. “The pain doesn’t go away after a few hours Teal. You’ll heal…in due time. With words, with action, with acceptance. You kind of did the last one.”

“…kind of.” Fuuka smiles back, blushing slightly as she takes the handkerchief, and wipes away her tears…and blows her nose. “Better…” she sniffs. “Much better.” Awkwardly, she looks at the handkerchief, then at Marie.

“Hamper.” Marie deadpanned. Fuuka nodded, not arguing there that’s for sure. “So, what do you want to do?”

“…I…” Fuuka frowned. “…I want to talk to him one last time. If…if he really wants this…then that will be it. I’ll break up with him, and I’ll respect his decision. …But that doesn’t mean I will stand by him. This is his path to take, and I guess…I’ll walk my path; with or without him. I’ll…endure.” At least, Fuuka lied to herself, for now. She’s still in pain after all. “I…kinda wanna drink something, and just go back to bed.”

Marie nodded. “Sure. Go ahead Teal, I’ll go to sleep a little later.”

“…Mm…yeah.” Fuuka folded the handkerchief and stared at it. “…You know Marie-chan…you’ve been good to me.” She looks at her. “You listen to me rant, you let me scream at you, but you don’t disrespect me. You understand, you listen…” she blushed. “…I’m happy to have you as a roommate, and a friend.” She reached out to Marie and hugged her. “…It means a lot to me that you have stayed, more than words can possibly say.”

The hug surprised Marie, but she wasn’t in any position to argue. She returns the hug, sighing. “You’re welcome Teal, anytime.”

“Mmm…” Fuuka nuzzled onto Marie, adoring her warmth right now, and her faint scent of blueberry, her favorite fruit. “…Marie-chan…?”

“Yeah?”

“…Thank you.” Fuuka looked up to Marie, eyes shining with the moon. She did something she didn’t think she would do. She pressed her lips onto Marie’s softly. A kiss…warm, tender…it filled Fuuka with a desire she long missed, needed. She pulled back, blushing. “…I-I mean it…” she said shyly, not believing she even did that. What possessed her to do that?

Marie certainly didn’t know and didn’t want to ask…mostly because she gets the feeling that Fuuka is not in her right mind right now and is looking for warmth. Best she can do is give it…for now, at least until Fuuka can stand up again. Until she can heal. She can be that healing potion.

Not that Fuuka is her first kiss with a girl, but that’s a story for another time. Marie let Fuuka nuzzle her, cuddle her…until Marie heard Fuuka’s light snores.

Chuckling, Marie carefully lifted Fuuka, and brought her back to her room. This time however, she closed the door behind her (after turning all the lights off), and carefully drops Fuuka on the bed. She tucks herself in with Fuuka (Who hasn’t let go of Marie), and watches Fuuka sleep peacefully. If Marie was certain, this is the most peaceful sleep Fuuka has had in a while.

Marie pressed her lips on Fuuka’s forehead. “Sweet dreams Teal…” Marie whispered, and closed her eyes, embracing Fuuka in return. Its been a long day, and both girls need their rest, for what will come tomorrow.

…………………………..

Fuuka and Marie spent a long night together…

[profanetools]

rena 17!

firstly, it is super cute that you call her Rena :^)

17. How does your OC sabotage themselves?

ohhhhhhhh boy

distancing, of several kinds - emotional distancing but sometimes quite literally physical distancing. rena had a tough time training to be a tonal architect and took a long sabbatical where she literally disappeared from nirn for years because she was very. very. very tired. of an extremely petty academic culture full of squabbling and internal strife and political games and posturing and lots of ‘who you know’ and not ‘what you say’. even more frustrating was knowing many of the leaders of this incredibly insular, incredibly hyper-competitive, incredibly ruthless academic culture were also considered de facto political leaders of their various clans. like it hsn’t come across as much as i have intended but at core the way i depict the dwemer is partially an expression of some of my frustrations with academia in its current incarnation

(i think she was also depressed and dealing with trauma badly and the academic culture exacerbated those pre-existing issues she had coped with “well enough” until then)

but i also think she draws away from others, not only in the “self-isolate and lock herself in her workship when she’s sad” way, but she can become colder to others if things don’t go her way (bthemetz would say she ‘is prone to sulking’ lmao) she reacts to conflict that resolves badly by becoming more far distant with others and at her absolute worst, refuses communication and refuses attempts to meet up again, talk it out, to rebuild bridges etc. she can be very unforgiving regarding personal relationships – sometimes to an irrational extent. that is partially just how her inclination towards suspicion and paranoia can cause her to make bad decisions regarding those she trusts. she wants a total guarantee of trust that isn’t realistic and if she doesn’t check herself she can be very black/white i think. 

i think part of the reason why she pretty much has a prolonged breakdown after bthemetz leaves her & publicly opposes her (over disputes about the heart of lorkhan - i should be clear - their relationship was otherwise fine) is because she genuinely has very few friends in her life at that point. she was consumed with work and has let what few friendships have endured over the years slowly drift away and fall apart. i don’t think she and bthemetz are necessarily co-dependent but again in twelve tones something i’ve tried to feed in there is the fact that a culture where you are always working… that isn’t healthy. that isn’t the utopia you’re after. and as in real life where the pressures of work and adult life mean that often adults in committed relationships, especially those with familes, have so few friends, sometimes even 0, because they’re hard to maintain, bthemetz & rena - particularly rena, really, who self-isolates and distances herself from others as an unhealthy coping mechanism anyway - struggles with the break-up because she has no emotional support network at all anymore.

she is also dealing with what i call “heart sickness” i.e. much like in TES:Morrowind, the heart of lorkhan is causing her to have vivid dreams about really traumatic events, which are in turn causing flashbacks from her own trauma, and there’s a also a frustrating sense of “who am i?”, of losing your sense of self, with past and present becoming interchangable and intermingled and there’s a sense of…. derealisation and depersonalisation there i think, it’s super distressing and a lot to deal with and she has no one she can really explain it to, no one she can really talk about it with.

this leads her to a new coping mechanism she has, ironically, always tried to avoid throughout her life - denial. she holds everything in, continues just as normal, and denies that anything is wrong. she denies that the heart situation is out of control. she denies that she is losing a sense of herself. she denies that the efficacy of her proposed solution - the profane tools - may be lacking (because how really can you tame the heart of a god, no matter how “dead”) and presumes she can force it to comply.

it’s ironic, because until the heart of lorkhan kagrenac really survived by being observant - prided herself on being observant - and noticing problems and flaws that others did not, being able to forsee where things could go wrong, noticing irregularities, were all things she was good at, and are the key skills that led her to becoming a good architect and also a key member of the first council. 

anyway.

this was an essay and a half.

i’m not sure you asked for it. please read twelve tones if you haven’t.

[thefanficnewbie]

The Oxy Girl | Tricia Miller x reader - Chapter 1

Summary: You are one of the teenagers at-risk taken to Litchfield in the “a day in the jail” program. Straying from your group in search of adventure, you end up finding something way darker.

Warning: Drug overdose

Honestly, the whole thing was just ridiculous. All that time you spent preparing yourself and watching “Beyond Scared Straight” episodes on Youtube had completely gone to waste. You didn’t know about other prisons nearby, but Litchfield was a joke.

Your parent’s decision to put you in the intervention program had, at the very least, shocked you. Those two were actually forcing you to spend a day in jail? Way too desperate measures, in your opinion. C’mon, you were a functional teenager with a social circle, hobbies and great stories to tell. Which also translated to the gang you were part of; your good taste for parties, smoking, and drinking; and the several times you had fun doing illegal shit. Well, at least you were making memories, right?

After the comedy with the inmates (you almost felt sorry for their cringy attempts to spook you), you didn’t fail to notice the baby-faced guard leaving the room. With only one officer and two inmates leading the line, it was stupidly easy to stay at the back and turn at a random corner when the opportunity came up. So much for a well-secured correctional institution. 

Free from the tour, you now strolled through the hallways, careful to stay only in the empty ones, keeping your guard up and making mental notes of possible hiding spots in case anyone saw you. Piece of cake. Until you walked by a random door with a glass square and, out of the corner of your eye, spotted what looked like a girl fallen to the ground. Frowning, you stepped back, certain it was probably just a broom and your mind playing tricks on you.

Your eyebrows shot upwards as you acknowledged that that was indeed a female - not much older than you, now that you took in the details -, and you would’ve ducked to stay out of her sight if it weren’t for her obvious ill state. That girl (inmate, judging from her clothes) looked very sick, and still hadn’t noticed you standing there. There was something wrong.

Knocking on the glass, you managed to catch her attention as she slowly turned her head towards you. A gasp left your lips as you noticed the bag of pills in her hands. No. This couldn’t be what you thought it was. But you were in a prison, which meant it also pretty much fucking could.

“Oh my God, oh my God...” You mumbled in alarm, your hands suddenly shaky at the realization. You’d never seen someone overdose in person, but you’d lost acquaintances because of that, and you’d heard the stories. Plus, you knew the symptoms. You had to take that damn bag away from her.

“Shit!” The door was locked. Pumped by adrenaline, you quickly considered your options. The girl was too high to pay attention and understand what you were saying (or rather, signaling), and you didn’t even know if that wasn’t actually attempted suicide. Talking to her was impossible. 

Next idea was to call an officer and get professional help, but you knew that would take too long, especially with all the questions and lectures resulting of your little “exploring” adventure. By the time someone with a key got there, that inmate would be dead. Picking the lock it is, then. 

Your heartbeats echoed in your ears as you crouched and took off two pins from your hair. It wasn’t as easy as Hollywood sold it, but you had done it enough times to find it not too challenging. It was a routine process - bend one of the pins, pressure the lock, use the other one to elevate the inside pins. It was just a matter of finding the heavier ones and pushing them upwards until the lock moved.

Forty-three anxiety-filled seconds later, you finally heard the click. In a jump, you thrashed the door open, stumbling over your feet as you saw the girl up close. Her head was bent to the side, her eyes half-closed and her chest moving in very irregular patterns. Your gaze went straight to the pill bag in her hands, almost empty.

You cursed and promptly grabbed it, throwing it to the across the room. That got a reaction from the girl.

“Hey!” Her voice was hoarse and her pupils were two little dots in the middle of her irises as she turned to look at you. “Give ‘em back-” She grimaced, clearly in distress, before shaking her head and shifting her attention back to you, a confused expression on her face.

“You had too much of that already.” You muttered and knelt down next to her. “I need you to help me help you, what did you take?” She opened her mouth to answer but got distracted by something on the wall, a dumb smile spreading across her face. Her eyes fluttered again.

��No, no, no!” You clutched her arm and slapped her considerably hard on the cheek “You stay with me! I need your name and the name of the drug!” But she wouldn’t reply, letting out a silent weak chuckle instead. Ok, asking her wasn’t going to work. You threw your hand into your pocket in search of your phone, ready to call 911, before remembering all electronics had been taken from you upon arrival.

So you did the obvious. You screamed for help as loud as you could, and hoped someone was close enough to hear it.

“Listen to me!” You shook the inmate, focusing back on the task at hand - keeping this girl alive. Her breathing was painfully slow and you her skin got colder by the minute, her lips starting to turn blue. Definitely a narcotic. “What was it? Just nod, please! I need to know this!” 

You could see her effort in trying to stay awake, and part of you wanted to believe that deep down she understood what was happening to her. That she was actually fighting to survive.

“Was it Norco? Vicodin?” You forced your brain to come up with more opiate names “Morphine? Huh? Was it Aunt Em?” This girl was so young. She was the person your parents feared you’d become. You didn’t care that she was an imprisoned criminal, you would not let her die. “Oxy? Did you take OX?”

You felt a premature wave of relief wash over you as she roughly moved her chin up and down. You knew what it was. When the paramedics came, knowing the overdosed drug would make their jobs much, much easier and they’d be able to treat her right away. Good. It would be OK.

Suddenly, she cupped her mouth and twitched her body in discomfort, a frown on her face. You instantly knew what it was. Quickly grabbing her upper body, you helped her turn sideways. Not even a second later and she was putting all of her stomach’s content on the floor. Without hesitation, you held her upper body, supporting her weight and moving your hand on her back in circles.

You knew she didn’t have much time left and would definitely pass out in a few minutes. Anxious and majorly concerned, you called for help once again, before getting back to whispering that she was gonna be fine. 

A few seconds later, an officer with an awful mustache showed up at the door. As he spotted you two on the ground, you notice his eyes changing from confusion to sheer panic, a tingle of fear playing in his expression. You narrowed your eyes but returned your attention to the girl as breathing got even more irregular.

“Why are you still standing there? Call 911!” Your voice seemed to get him out of his trance.

“W-what? No, this inmate isn’t allowed here. I’ll take her with me and fill in a report, she must’ve coerced you-” He stepped closer, already motioning to get hold of her.

You immediately put yourself between the two of them, clenching your teeth. 

“Call 911!” You insisted, glaring at him. He was playing dumb. An officer would recognize the symptoms of overdose, it’s basic knowledge in the criminal world. 

“Watch your language! You’re one of the delinquent visiting kids, you shouldn’t be here either. If you come with me now, I won’t bust you-” He tried to grab your arm. You dodged his grip, leaning the girl against a wall to stand up and get to his level. The dominant, dick, kinda guy. You knew plenty like him.

“Call. Fucking. 911.Or this girl will die and it will be on you. And I’ll make sure you get punished for it.” 

His eyes widened in caution and he took a step back. In that moment, you knew you’d won. He wouldn’t risk losing his job (or freedom, if it was up to you). Resigned, he took out his radio, speaking a few code words before looking back at you. “Hush.” He said, and you knew exactly what he meant.

“What’s her name?” You got down once more, disgusted by the officer’s behavior and obvious uncaring attitude towards the young woman.

“Tricia.” 

“Hey, Tricia” You shook her slightly until her eyes opened “Stay with me, ok? I’m (Y/N), I’m with you. You’ll be fine. You’ll be just fine.” You kept bugging her and did everything you could to keep her conscious for the next minutes.

First, Baby-face appeared, followed by two other guards. They tried to take Tricia from you, but you didn’t let them, arguing you’d only let the paramedics move her. When that didn’t work, you said you’d only reveal what drug she’d taken if they let her with you until medical help came.

You didn’t know what had made you so protective of her, maybe you saw yourself in her, maybe you didn’t trust any other officers after meeting Mustache... You just wouldn’t cool down until you saw her safe in an ambulance. The female guard, the leader of your tour, showed up right after, stubborn on getting you to go back to the bus. You repeated the same thing excuse. She wasn’t so easy to bend.

You were almost being dragged out of the room when a woman with messy blonde hair appeared on the doorstep. Her gaze traveled straight towards Tricia, and she hurriedly made her way towards you, taking the girl from your arms. You didn’t protest - you saw the love and genuine concern in her eyes.

“What the fuck, Tricia!” She whispered, holding the young adult close to her chest, tenderly. You swore you saw a silent tear strim down her face. As far as you knew, the woman hadn’t really noticed you yet. 

The paramedics came in half a minute later. While two of them managed to take Tricia from the woman and take her to the ambulance, you talked to the other one about the drug, OxyContin, a powerful and dangerous painkiller; explained her symptoms and showed him the bag of pills.

When you were done, he gave you a small smile.

“Great job, kid. You might’ve just saved a life today.” He said, before running off.

You stood there for a few seconds, still shocked about the whole situation. Next to you, the woman seemed to find herself in the same situation. She acknowledged you with a curt nod as you were being escorted out of the room.

As soon as you got home, the first thing you did was ask your parents to drive you to the hospital Tricia was in. There was no way you’d move on with your life without checking on her first.

[bouncyirwin]

Recent Great Naruto Fics I’ve Read List

Seeing as the actual series now suck... here’s a list of the fics/one shots I’ve recently read (past year) that you might enjoy, have fun xx

Warning: List contains all kinds of pairings. Some stories have no pairings at all (those are labelled as General). 

Directions: story name - author - summary - status - pairing/gen - rating

Pulling My Weight by Invisible Shadow - During the mission to Wave, Sakura realises that she has to become a better ninja for her teammates' sake and be someone they can depend on. She vows to take her training seriously, and receives help from the most unlikely of sources; Genma Shiranui. The two form an unlikely bond and stick together through thick and thin, while Sakura improves and meets other people along the way. Ongoing | General so far | T | This story is fucking amazing

A Wrinkle in Time by rightforlife - The Fourth Shinobi War ended in disaster. They won, but at a price too great to bear. Given a second chance, what exactly can Konoha's three most powerful men do? Time travel, old enemies, and old friends that all leads to a new future. Ongoing | General | T

The Colder Water by Quillslinger - The devil is in the details. Shisui. Itachi. A sorta love story. Novella. Complete (52,784) | ShiIta | T 

Uneasy Coexistence by DeGlace - One grinning shark–man. One pink–haired medic. Ankles. Teeth. Kisame x Sakura. Yes, you read that right. Complete (70,111) | KisaSaku | M

Blind Stars of Fortune by 100demons - Thirty year old Kakashi was supposed to have been killed by Pein during the Invasion. Instead, he wakes up in the body of his twenty year old self. (It gets a lot more complicated.) Time travel. Complete (78,591) | General | T

To Promise Forever by Hellsig Otoupeim - The war's over, Kaguya has been defeated and the five great Shinobi Nations have gone back to their homelands to nurse the wounds left behind. In an attempt to preserve peace, the five Kage have agreed to implement in a new measure; war veterans between villages are encouraged to take part in the Five Nation Letter Exchange Program. Or how a girl from Kiri ends up in Konoha. Sly AU. Complete (14,442) | ShikakuOC | M

Heart Under a Blade by fineillsignup - Sitting on a bench after being told by Sasuke-kun that she's annoying, Sakura thinks that it's the worst day of her life. Lying in the hospital wanting to hurl from heat suppressants later that day and grappling with the revelation that she's an omega, Sakura knows that it's the worst day of her life. (ABO, extremely slow build). Ongoing | KakaSaku | M

Phantom Pains by mapplepie - There is something going on with Kakashi, but Minato can't figure out what. All he has are distressing deductions, each one progressively worse than the last. It's no wonder Minato can't help but fear and fear and fear. (To be fair though, it really wasn't his fault he never considered the possibility of time-travel). Complete (22,153) | General | T

A Twist in Time by Wolf08 - With Konoha on the verge of destruction, Sakura is sent on a last-resort mission to save her world by travelling to the past. Join her in coping with her old body's shortcomings, testing the natural laws of time, falling in love all over again, exploring the depths of her mind and rediscovering who she is. Time-travel.  Ongoing | SasuSaku | T | I don’t even like SS anymore (I almost hate them) but this is my favourite fic ever.

Deadly Decisions by Alrissa - Haruno Sakura that actually caught a glimpse of the real world and woke up to smell the blood. Basically a 'what if' preview of what could have happened if Sakura didn't revert after the Chuunin exams. No princess to be rescued here. Complete (17,819) | General | M

Contagious by rabid behemoth - Konoha's citizens are being controlled by a virus, and it falls on Sakura's shoulders to save them. A double agent among the most hostile, unrepentant criminals in the world, she finds herself navigating between competing loyalties in a sea of moral uncertainty. But that's impossible for a faithful Leaf nin like Sakura. Loyalties aren't contagious...right? Complete (119,552) | ItaSaku | T

The Lives Worth Saving by cywsaphyre - Naruto, at 26, has lived through 10 years of war. At the end, with nothing left to call home, he sends himself back to the beginning, to the day of his younger self's graduation, in an attempt to change it all. Time travel AU. Discontinued | General | T | best time travel fic I’ve ever read

Kill Your Heroes by Evil Is A Relative Term - Because, sometimes, we are what our adversaries make of us. Because Gatō only needed Zabuza to neutralize Kakashi. He isn't afraid of one little pink-haired genin. But even mice will bite when cornered. A story of where fear drives the most vulnerable member of Team Seven, from Wave and beyond. Ongoing | General | T

I Found You Missing by Wolfy Tales - 'They're asking us because these soldiers have absolutely no one left to write home to,' Sakura thought with a frown. So she signs up for the Shinobi Letter Exchange, not realizing how large the consequences would be. Complete (18,586) | KakaSaku | T

Teach Your Children Well by AvocadoLove - After Madara final attack on the village, Rokudaime Kakashi uncovers a time-travel scroll. Now he's Team Seven's sensei again. And this time, he's going to do things differently. A time travel fic. Complete (37,849) | KakaIru | K+

The Arrangement by Yuugiri - "We're already getting along bad enough. Why don't we just get married?" Complete (111,453) | GaaIno | T

Sabotage by therealesther - When her fifth date got food poisoning, and her sixth date cancelled in over the phone in a tone bordering on hysteria, Sakura decided things were getting out of hand. Complete (1,637) | KakaSaku | K+

To Love and to Love Again by animequeen100 - Love blooms even in the strangest of places, and darkest of hours. Sasuke has a daughter who needs a mother. Sakura has a son, who needs a father. When the shadows that follow her threaten to take her away from him, his dark secrets resurface to keep her in his arms. They were fated to love and destined to love again. Complete (401,061) | SasuSaku | M

The Good Wife by ReiraKurenai - Sixteen-year-old Ino is stuck in the body of her older self. Now she must embark on the journey of an adult, a wife and a mother while deep down she's still just a child herself. What does the future have in store for her? NarutoxIno and various pairings. Ongoing | NaruIno | T

Ripples by Yellow Mask - AU from 309 onwards. Following a botched mission, Sakura is made a slave by Sound, a position that could very well alter the future…especially concerning a certain familiar missing-nin. Complete (143,883) | SasuSaku | T

Set in Ink by TappityTap - "From then on, it became their own private ritual: She'd arrive at his place, they'd talk, she'd undress, he'd draw her, she'd look at his work and compliment it, he'd touch her until she quivered and cried out his name in a sweet burst of release. This ritual was always the same but somehow different and exciting every time. " Pure SaiIno smut. Some canon pairings mentioned. Complete (7,422) | SaiIno | M

The Cursed Geisha by wingedmercury - He's beautiful, in the same way that predatory animals are beautiful—dark, mysterious. Dangerous. Only this time, instead of being the predator, Sasuke will learn what it means to be prey. AU. Complete (43,612) | SasuHina | M

Will of Fire by Cynchick - Forced to flee their village and the new regime, the loyal shinobi of Konoha must find a way to preserve their way of life and take back their home. As they fight for their future, Team Seven struggles to overcome the past. Complete (223,234) | KakaSaku | M

The Secret Life of Teachers by tabine - Romance is a bit difficult to do when you spend a majority of your time within fifty feet of the object of your affections and somehow still don't quite understand that you're falling in love with them, if only because being a full-time high school teacher while taking graduate school courses takes precedence over everything else. A Nejiten high school teachers AU. Ongoing | NejiTen | T

The Line by livezinshadowz - When a young Ino tries to use the Shintenshin for the first time on Naruto, something goes wrong and the two find themselves temporarily stuck in the other's body. A series of moments depicting the evolution of their relationship, from acquaintances to friends to something more, all by crossing that metaphorical line created when a boy and a girl forge a bond. Complete (46,692) | NaruIno | T

In Another Life by CelestialCircumference - Kakashi never believed in soul mates until that fateful day. Written for HatakeFran for the KakaSaku Secret Santa 2016 on tumblr. Complete (18,350) | KakaSaku | T

House of Crows by SilverShine -  War is coming to Konoha and Sakura is far from home, uncertain of her future. But one thing is for sure, Sakura will protect her unborn child at all costs, whether it be from Konoha's enemies... or from its own father. Complete (400,508) | KakaSaku | M

Better Off Dead by wingedmercury - When Hinata leaves Konoha, heartbroken but resolute, the last person she expects to see over the rim of her tea cup is him. "You look like you've just seen a ghost," he smirks, and Hinata thinks that some people are just better off dead. Complete (68,768) | SasuHina | T

The Song Of Kakashi by ZatannaZatara06 - If you want forever, you are going to have to suffer for it. For the KakaSaku Week 2016 Day 2 Theme: Fairy tales / Legends Myth: The story of Achilles and Patroclus. Complete (2,472) | KakaSaku | T

Kunoichi's Burden: Village First by lilac haze - She was dying. She should have died. She was supposed to die but the Gods had other plans. Sakura is thrown back in the past, where a dangerously attractive blonde and a loud mouthed redhead have taken it upon themselves to make her life even more difficult. If Naruto's parents didn't get together, kami, she would be in a lot of trouble. MinatoXSakura. Time travel-fic. Complete (378,854) | MinaSaku | T

On a Leash by thekatthatbarks - Kakashi's new puppy ends up being his best wingman. Complete (1,082) | KakaSaku | T

House Calls by Spoiled Sweet - Always the Team Mom, Sakura opens up her home as a clinic for the hospital-phobic ninja of Konoha. At the same time, her relationship with Kakashi begins to evolve in a way she never expected. Complete (262,803) | KakaSaku | M

Things You Just Don’t Talk About by Enodia - "Do you enjoy sex?" Shikamaru asked bluntly. I just can't believe I'm talking about this, and with Shikamaru, of all people, Sakura thought." Sakura is in for a surprise. Or, rather, a series of surprises. Complete (118,175) | ShikaSaku | M

Players by Kukaburraxxii - Ino joins the league of players. Discontinued | GenIno | M

Heatwave by Yahboobeh - When she found her breath again it was ragged. Only one thought tore through her mind: Consume me. The Suna sun wasn't the only reason their faces burned. Ongoing | NejiTen | M

The Art of War by leafygirl - Entry for the LJ Kakasaku AU contest. Sakura gets stuck following her teacher after a bet with her friends. But his mysterious life is nothing she ever expected. Complete (20,591) | KakaSaku | T

The Shinobi Princess by Winged Lady Colette - At the end of the Fourth Great Ninja War, Sakura takes an unexpected trip into the time of Konoha's Founding. Ongoing | HashiSaku | M

Dawning by deleria - After years of silence the Akatsuki are active again. Her allies uncertain, the Godaime sends two teams - one for a potential offensive strike and another for covert surveillance. Who would have guessed that Shikamaru and Sakura could fake it as newlyweds so well? ShikaSaku with early (one-sided) hints of SasuSaku. Complete (101,994) | ShikaSaku | M

Genius Sensei by AlexDnD - What if Kakashi had recovered from his deep depression? What if he turned out to be a true genius as a sensei? Watch as team 7 develops into a truly capable shinobi team! Complete | NaruSaku-ish | T | A fun read

We Are Never (ever getting back together) by natanije - In which Sakura waited, got tired of waiting, and decided to never wait ever again. (Or, in which Sakura never chased after Sasuke when she got pregnant). Complete (2,592) | General | T

A Poor Imitation by leafygirl - Sakura is injured on a mission, forgetting everything she knew of life in Konoha. Complete (88,913) | KakaSaku | M

The Girl From Whirlpool by SilverShine - When Naruto's father met his mother, his only impression was that a village out there must have been missing its idiot. Complete (248,299) | MinaKushi | T

The Way of the Wind by just enough - ANBU Captain Uchiha Itachi had things well planned out, until a medic-nin with ridiculous hair went and made herself interesting. Sakura insisted she was just doing her job, but Itachi didn't quite see it that way. Non-massacre. Complete (158,542) | ItaSaku | M

Cause for Conversation by firefly - Hinata has always been intimidated by Sasuke, but when she serves as a substitute for Sakura on a mission, she comes to learn that the stoic Uchiha is not so bad after all. Complete (4,858) | SasuHina | K+

The Price by Nenagh24 - This would have almost been hilarious, the renowned copy ANBU almost petrified of a small unarmed girl, had it not been happening to him. The price of this tiny bride was going to break him. Hello, fiery flames of eternal doom. Complete (19,067) | KakaSaku | T

Better Having Met You by KakashiSauce - Tenzou is wide-eyed, bright faced and unprepared for the ANBU life ahead of him. MOSTLY because of the unorthodox team he's placed into. However, it was done in his best interest, and Hiruzen is smart enough to know what is best for most young shinobi. Kakashi disagrees, but he is one of those young shinobi who doesn't know whats best for him. Ongoing | KakaYama | M

Icha Icha Gambit by TheSilverScarecrow - It was a risk; one that could potentially ruin their team, however, who was Hatake Kakashi to argue with the Hokage? But when a never to be finished Icha Icha draft falls into his possesion things start getting wildly out of hand as Sakura does whatever it takes to protect their village from a devastating weapon. Ongoing | KakaSaku | M

Nutrire by Wolfy Tales - As Ino traverses the world with Yamato after the war to neutralize potential threats, she finds out that they share more in common than just an interest in plants. Complete (32,251) | YamaIno | T

Let's Get Married by luvtoshi - It was supposed to be a simple solution to their immediate problems. But maybe they took more than they can chew? Complete (59,760) | NaruSaku | M

Hot Medicine by Saphri - Kakasaku one-shot. AU. Fighting fires was a tough job by all accounts. But when the job requires getting treated by beautiful pink haired paramedics it was worth the hardship. Complete (26,05) | KakaSaku | M

A Noble in Secret by WhiteMint - Side story to the Imperial Princess. C originally hated the people of Konoha, often referring to them as "Konoha dogs". But as he got to know the small pink haired girl who followed him around like a puppy, he no longer considered the term as maliciously as before. After all, he found his own little Konoha dog, and he planned on keeping her. Ancient Chinese AU. Complete (4,420) | CSaku | K+

Cherry Blossom Flames by Winged Lady Colette - A seven year old amnesiac awoke in a stream, being rescued by two brothers.  Ongoing | MadaSaku | M

Adaline by Nikki1212 - I would choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I would find you and I would choose you. AU. Ongoing | KakaSaku | T

Tempest by cywsaphyre - Back in time and armed with years of future knowledge, Sakura is ready to take the world by storm. Except... she's four again, not twelve. Ah well, nobody said she couldn't start a little early. Gen, time travel, AU, Sakuracentric. Discontinued | General | T

All This Time by thekatthatbarks - "I may not have fell like you did. I didn't fall gradually and slow over the span of twenty years. It was fast and sudden. It had me stumbling looking around trying to figure out where I was. I didn't even know it had happened." Complete (2,472) | ShikaSaku | K+

Team 8 by S’TarKan - What if Naruto had been selected for a different team? What if he'd had a different mentor? Who would guess the consequences would be so large? Ongoing | NaruHina | T | I don’t even like NaruHina anymore but this story is amazing (plot-oriented)

Better Man by Kakashisgf - Sakura and Sasuke have been married for over a decade, but things are far from perfect, and Sakura's beginning to realize that maybe she deserves better. Complete (179,759) | KakaSaku | M

Dirty Laundry by Slinkymilinky - Sakura had never been a fan of airing her dirty laundry in public…but Kakashi was often the exception to the rule. Lemony Oneshot. Complete (6,593) | KakaSaku | M

Time and Again by KyLewin - Time Travel fic. In a war torn future, in the burning ruins of Konohagakure, Naruto fights Orochimaru and loses as the world collapses around him. From that ending comes a new beginning and a new chance to set things right, if only he can figure out how.. Complete (456,787) | General | T

The Samurai and the Oni Girl by Silberias - AU KakaSaku set in Edo-period Japan. Sakura is the descendant of a red-haired foreigner as well as a merchant's daughter. Kakashi is a local samurai who has fallen on hard times, a man whose pride has been broken down to this point. Love comes after. Complete (131,644) | KakaSaku | T

Chippendales by Voyna - [AU] Sometimes, a girl needs a lap-dance to put life into perspective. Complete (15,645) | SasuHina | M

Once More, With Feeling by JinnySkeans - Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time. Complete (127,462) | SasuSaku | M

In Case of Blue Scroll by Leola Majora - In Case of Blue Scroll the Hokage must lock himself in his office and pull his hair out as what he thought were memories of a long lost love turn out to be the memories of a mission he was about to assign his former student, Sakura Haruno. Complete (48,635) | KakaSaku | M

[I’ll update this again soon!]

[octoberwren]

If it’s words you seek (I’ll Remember You) Chapter 2.

Thank you all so much for loving this odd ball fic, seriously I can not tell you enough how much I adore you all for it! The only thing I have to say about this chapter is that it almost killed me. I wanted it to be perfect, so of course I ended up re-writing it like a thousand times. Yep. (I’m neurotic about posting no matter how many time I’ve done it, I’d hate to disappoint you guys who have liked it so much.) But now that it’s done I’m happy with it, you might not be with the amount of angst. I can’t write fluff guys. I wish I could, my mind would love me more for it.

Anyway...happy reading! Hope you enjoy. Seeing as this is going to be a multi-fic you’re more than welcome to ask me to tag you in it! I love doing that ; )

Chapter 1 here

Also on Ao3 for your convenience

(I own nothing, Marvel owns me)

Summary: Darcy Lewis is many things, avoidance expert, current holder of the Hydra Survivor Cup and not to boast, but she's at an expert level with self defense in sarcasm and shiny wit.

What she's absolutely not is Steve Rogers Soulmate, she doesn't give a flying monkey what The Universe is trying to tell her with the 'gifts' she's recently acquired, i.e Reading His Mind and other tricks that have to do with The Good Captain.Her and Steve? 

Pffft, that's never gonna happen.

Chapter 2: Hindsight is a bitch and so is HYDRA.

3 years ago

Darcy loved her job, most days. The benefits were good, and honestly, she needed those, it was all fine and dandy being an intern with Jane when there weren't Aliens and Gods trying to have a smackdown on planet earth. And for some Loony Toons reason, Darcy was always smack dab in the middle of all of that world ending hoopla.

So when Nick Fury himself offered her a job, well what was she supposed to say?

No. She could have said no, Jane had demanded she say "Fuck no, you damn pirate." But Darcy really needed the health coverage, it was just a hop skip and away before she was shot at, and she was trying to be an adult and handle her business.

Janey hated the idea, but she slowly came around when Darcy had pointed out quite reasonably, if she said so herself, that what better way to keep an eye on S.H.I.E.L.D shenanigans than to have an all-access pass to their home base.

Technically her job title was ‘File Manager', so a lackey in Nick Fury terms, Darcy fully believed he'd only given her the job so he could keep an eye on her. But whatever, she had a coffee shop in her workplace and a hell of a view.

A view she had been creepy staring at for over three months now, it was borderline stalker behavior. But the man had an ass that wouldn't quit, and that navy uniform did so many things for Darcy's late night imagination, that she physically couldn't help but stare.

It was only when she started noticing other things that Darcy thought she may be in some trouble here.

Like the way he opened doors for the science dudes, who stuttered and looked on in awe, or how he sometimes looked so lost, like a boy who let go of his mother's hand. He came in some days bloody and broken, with eyes that seemed too haunted to be real. It took everything Darcy had and then some not to rush over and hug the stuffing out of his chest, just so he didn't look like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders alone.

Four months in and when she could actually detect his steady steps from a room away, Darcy decided that enough was enough, she needed to do something before she bear-hugged the man out of sheer frustration.

It was then that Darcy came up with a foolproof plan; because everyone loved coffee right? Right.

She'd put on her big girl pants and give him something to smile about because his sad face was breaking her soul, so she ordered a coffee just the way he like it, ignoring the side-eye she received from the barista when she wrote down the order.

She then marched her butt down to his office that looked as bummed out as he was, with the plain gray walls and bare furnishing practically screaming his loneliness out loud with hand gestures. Darcy lifted her hand to knock on the Captain's door, only to reel back in shock when it opened up.

Steve Rogers towered over her and for a split second Darcy felt like she was going to lose her breath, he was just so damn handsome it was unfair to the people of earth.

His open face blanked carefully when he saw her standing there holding two coffees. He took in his name on one of the cups and Darcy's stomach dropped when she saw the flicker of something flash through his eyes. Before he even opened his mouth, Darcy had the strangest sort of sixth sense, she felt something disastrous coming her way, she knew exactly what he was going to say and she wanted to stop this, she wanted to wake up this morning in total ignorance. The coffee cups started to tremble in her hands as she began to wish feverently that this wasn't what she thought is was.

But Steve didn't notice her distress, he spoke the words that damned them both, "Sorry Miss, but whatever the hell this is, you're not my priority."

And just as she knew it would, Darcy's world shifted on its axis and fell apart at her feet.

She opened her mouth ignoring everything in her screaming to shut the hell up-keep quiet-he doesn't need to know- it was instinctive, she wanted to say something, anything to him, not to leave her alone like this, but she could only let out a stutter, It was too late anyway, he was already turning away from her, even when the coffees fell from her hand and landed on the floor in a wet mess, he never even glanced back in her direction.

Darcy stood like a statue, watching Captain America-no-Steve Rogers (because of fucking course her mother was right. She wasn't special, she'd never be great enough for him, for the world he belonged to.) walk away with his shoulders straight like the soldier he was. He blocked out the evening sun as he left her and engulfed her surroundings in darkness.

Darcy really thinks her brain is coming up with bullshit metaphors at inappropriate times, but she can't breathe. Let alone think.

She's left standing in the middle of his door, the air around her seemed so much colder than it was before, her teeth started chattering against the freezing air and she wanted to break down and laugh or cry, maybe both, she wanted to sink to her knees and yell that she knew it, she knew this was always going to be her downfall.

All those years of looking at her mark, she had stupidly convinced herself that she was bigger than this moment.

It was the worst lie she had ever told herself.

She couldn't breathe.

And for a vomit inducing second she thought she was going to black out, but then no, she knew this feeling, she just hadn't felt it for a few years now, she was having a panic attack. Joyness abound today.

She slid to the ground slowly, tracking her breaths, trying to touch the floor, smell the air, until her heart didn't feel like it was going to explode from her chest in a gory mess.

She hadn't felt this fragile-and her mind spits the word like venom-since she left her shitty hometown, filled with shitty people.

Because this wasn't some average Joe…it wasn't someone who thought she was just a body with big boobs and no brains or even someone that thought her life experience consisted of a nice suburban life and no real tragedy. It wasn't even her mother's condescending taunting, Darcy dear, are you sure you want to go out in that? Are you sure Political Science is the field for you? Don't you think he'll love you more if you cleaned the house?

This was someone that-Thor help her- she wanted respect from. She had actually wanted him to like her, she all but scoffs at that, all she got was a mere glance and words that she never thought would spill from his perfect lips.

Steve Rogers was her soulmate, a shudder wracks her body with just that thought, he was a good person, all the things she told herself about her mythical ‘one' was ignorant.

She had read about his heroic deeds in history class and had admired him long before he turned out to be alive and walking in the same semi-circle as her own.

What the hell was the universe thinking pairing her up with him? Her insecurities seemed to drown out the noise of the building as she got up and headed home.

In the days, weeks after, Darcy was a mess, and she couldn't shake herself out of it no matter how stubbornly she wanted to. It felt like her soul was missing, and maybe it was, maybe he took it from her the moment he spoke.

She went from rage to helplessness. One day she was convinced she was going to storm into his office and yell every curse words she knew and ones that she made up on the spot. She wanted to see him regret ever speaking those words, but before she'd even get to his door she ran away in a fit of panic.

There were plenty times she just paced the hallway and Darcy knew she looked crazy, hell, she felt like a nutjob. She stayed away from work a lot as well, she was surprised Nick Fury didn't burst into her room and drag her out by her feet. (In the oncoming days she realized why he didn't and Darcy barely kept the tears away when she thought about how her life would have been, if she just put on the news)

Darcy had finally made up her mind, she would just say something, he had the right to at least know, Darcy couldn't keep it from him, that was unfair, although she really, really wanted to. It was taking most of her strength not to get on a plane and book it to the nearest deserted island. She wanted to crawl into a ball and scream until her throat was sore. But Darcy Lewis wasn't a coward, and she wouldn't let her shitty hometown be right about her. She wasn't second best, she deserved more out of her life than to be a throwaway thought.

Steve may not want her around but he'd at least know what they meant to each other, then and only then could he decide on where he wanted her in his world. (and if he didn't want her anywhere near him, then she would accept it like the grown-up she was, even if the very thought left her with an ache in her heart,)

So with that, Darcy bought a new cup of coffee, and so help her if he even thought of turning the drink of Gods away again, she entered his empty office and waited and then waited some more.

She stood for so long, straining to hear even the slightest noise, that her back protested her very existence. Bored, she put the coffee down at his table and sat at his desk, his chair swiveled and she amused herself by twirling in it, and almost threw it to the ground when she heard a noise outside. When it grew quiet again and her thundering heart settled down, she figured it wasn't Steve about to catch her in her lunacy.

When she heard the thud again she got annoyed at the dumbass that was ruining her fun times, she was an anxiety-ridden mess and whoever the hell that was, was going to get a mouth full from her when she let loose all her nervous ramblings and probably, no definitely, some insults.

She stormed out the room and peeked around a corner but she instantly deflated when she saw Adam looking at her sheepishly, while he tried to get into another office a few doors down. Adam was a good guy but he looked more like he should be down with the sciences dudes, than working as a field agent. He was also spacy enough that forgetting his keys was common enough occurrence.

Darcy was about to offer her help like she normally did, but stopped when she heard a familiar deep voice coming from the speakers, Steve's voiced echoed along the walls and what came next made her blood run cold with fear.

"Attention all S.H.I.E.L.D agents, this is Steve Rogers. You've heard a lot about me over the last few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it's time, to tell the truth. S.H.I.E.L.D is not what we thought it was. It's been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader. The S.T.R.I.K.E and insight crew are HYDRA as well. I don't know how many more, but I know their in the building. They could be standing right next to you. They almost have what they want. Absolute control. They shot Nick Fury and it won't end there. If you launch those helicairriers today, HYDRA will kill anyone that stands in their way. Unless we stop them. I know I'm asking a lot. But the price of freedom is high. It always has been. And it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not."

Darcy's emotions ping-ponged from self-disgust and shame that she didn't know, after all these days, Steve had been going through so much worse things than her. He said he had been hunted, like he was just a step away from a bullet and she really fucking hoped he was okay because she wasn't sure she'd forgive herself if he wasn't.

Next was a burning anger that made her skin hot thinking of those HYDRA dicks, she fucking hated Nazi's and she hated that she worked in a place that was crawling with them. It was like a light switch clicked on, as Darcy realized that she wasn't alone listening to that announcement. When her eyes met Adam's, Darcy wanted to spit, his mask of clumsiness had fallen away and in its place was an ugly rage that she had never seen on another human face before. He looked alien to her.

"Oh Darcy," He leered at her, and she wanted to throw up, preferably on him, the dickwad. "I really wish he had waited at least a few seconds. This might have been less painful for you."

She had a second to think ‘what the actual fuck?' before he took steps towards her, but nope, she backed the hell up and slammed the door in his face, sliding the lock home.

"Please, Darcy, you think that will stop HYDRA?" His voice was too smooth behind the door, to clean and Darcy never hated someone so much in her life. "Do you think he can stop this? We're HYDRA, If a head is cut off, one shall grow in its place."

She snorted at that, even when the door kicked in she was still chuckling with amusement at these massive douche-nozzles, "Is that in your brochure? Because and I'm just being honest here, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You do know that the Greek legend ended with Hercules killing the monster right? You have cracked open a book before, right?. So I'd say the odds are against you here Adam, there's a real-life legend kicking your buddies asses right now, no way you're getting out of this alive."

Wow, who knew a vein could thorb that angrily? Guess she hit a nerve, she wasn't smug, much. Oh who the hell was she kidding, the smirk curved her face like war paint.

"This is what's going to happen little girl," she didn't actually think he could piss her off more, but that kind of flew out the window and died a horrible death with that remark, "You're going to stay still and not move, I'm going to take all the information I can out of your hero's computer. I'll take you away and get a promotion for all my trouble. You, on the other hand, will be locked away in a room so small, that by week one you'll have lost your mind, your bravado will vanish and I'll be there every step of the way to watch it happen."  

She could lie to herself and say she was just buying time until help arrived, or that she was a second away from getting out of this. But the dread was lodged like a stone in her stomach, and she could tell that no one was coming for her. Especially not the man she really wanted to see, he was probably a bit busy saving the world.

There was no way out, but even as her fingers shook with terror, she'd still be damned if she let him see her fear, he wouldn't get that from her, "Okay dude, just two things, this is the twenty-first century, do you really want to be walking around as a chauvinistic prick? Because I think that's the wrong lifestyle choice."

"Also, who said it was just bravado? Kudos on the big words, by the way, some people, but not you obviously, would clearly see all my talk for what it was... Stalling." Darcy then flipped over the coffee cup that was for Steve and it sloshed over the computer's hard drive, there was a sizzle and- a quite frankly- underwhelming whine as the thing was destroyed.

She glanced up at his gaping mouth and shrugged carelessly, "Guess that promotion is off the table now, huh? Sucks for you."

The last thing Darcy could recall without a head-splitting throb was a fist barrelling towards her face.

Three years later and Adam was lying in his own pool of blood while Darcy stood over him, knife in her hand, and sick threatening to give way, and if she could go back, she'd tell that girl pacing outside of Steve's office to say something. To stop being such a chicken shit and use her damn voice. She had enough light in her soul to be worthy of his affection, she could be what the universe believed she was; the perfect match for him.

Now though, she had crimson blood dripping from her hands and guilt suffocating her lungs, his love was the last thing Darcy would ever deserve.

Present

Steve stumbled back from her, shaking his head as if to clear it, "What the hell?"

Darcy turned her head, she really didn't want to see what realization he came to, what kind of emotions she had unwilling let him feel, she just hoped whatever he was going to do, he'd make it quick and spare her the drama. This day had been long enough already, she was exhausted, she really didn't care how it ended at this point. Even if they had a prison at this…she was on a farm… How the hell did she only notice that now, where exactly did they expect to keep her locked up, in the barn with Betty the cow?

"Steve what-" Whatever Bucky was going to say was drowned out by her startled shriek, as Steve bloody Rodgers, reached down and hauled her off the ground and into his arms.

Darcy wasn't going to lie, this was on her her bucket list, but she was too shocked to actually enjoy the moment, she's also pretty sure she looked like an absolute idiot with her mouth hanging open as she stared up at his face.

His strong jawline of freedom tightened, when he noticed her appalled look, and was it her imagination or was he blushing slightly? She had to reel in the urge to pinch his cheeks, she succeeded, but by barely an inch of self-control.

"You're in agonizing pain, Miss Lewis. I could feel it." Darcy felt the rumble of his voice against her side, and she needed to have a stern talking to with her body because she shivered in response to the feeling and now was definitely not the time for her it to start perking up like a bloodhound.

He did smell sinfully good though, and her lady parts loved it. She wasn't even sorry.

If anything it looked like Steve blushed harder and her curiosity was building, she really wanted to ask what kind of aftershave he used (she thought it may have been specially made just for her, like in an actual lab somewhere) but that would involve speaking, and that was something she was going to avoid at all costs. Like the end of the world type stakes before she even uttered an I'm-your-soulmate-let's-go-for-coffee-and- by- coffee-I mean-sex.

"So," Steve cleared his throat and shifted her in his grip, and damn she wanted to melt into a puddle as she watched his muscles flex and ripple, "You can communicate your thoughts through touch?"

It was then that Darcy realized a few things in rapid succession, Steve had no idea that it was only him that she could communicate with through touch, hell she didn't even know she had that little trick up her sleeve or she would have built a literal wall around herself and not just her emotions.

Another thing was when Steve felt her pain, he picked her up gently, he was still holding her as if she was made of glass, it wasn't a big revelation but it was just so damn sweet of him that it made the cliff notes, especially if he felt her guilt, then he really was the best man she had ever come across. (He really needed to cut that shit out if he ever expected her not to love him.)

The last thing was probably the more important one, her hands were wrapped around his neck, so he had to be feeling all the inappropriate thoughts about those muscles, and how she had fantasized about the many things he could do with them.

So now she was flailing around in his arms as she tried to break free because nope, him actually knowing she lusted after him ruined The Plan. The not talking to him until death or the world imploded plan. It had its flaws but it was working so far.

She wasn't exactly succeeding in trying to run away with some sort of dignity intact, Steve just held her tighter in his unmovable arms, "Miss Lewis, please stop, you'll hurt yourself and despite what you may think, even if you did betray us, I wouldn't want anyone to be hurt under my watch. And you're in too much pain to disrupt your injuries any further."

She wished she could tell him that his words hurt a hell of a lot worse than any bullet wounds she suffered from. Darcy was used to physical pain, it was always her emotions that ran a little too deep and cut too sharply with her.

She assumed that he had felt her guilt and hey, at least she knew now where she stood. That didn't stop her from folding her arms across her chest as he walked into the house. If she could minimise skin contact and her subsequent humiliation then she would take every precaution she could.

They walked past the kids, now watching tv and Darcy didn't stick out her tongue when the little girl giggled at her position in Steve's arms. She was an adult, she had loads of restraint.

No, she did not. She leant over Steve's huge shoulder and stuck her tongue out at the little tattle tail.

"That wasn't very nice," Steve said as they entered the hallway she had bolted from, she could hear the amusement softening his tone, and Darcy couldn't help the grin that teased her lips if she tried.

His answering grin lit the embers of a flame she thought had been killed years ago, she had to reached down deep to actually feel that it was hope surging in her bloodstream. Darcy tried desperately to douse it but it kept flickering up again, and she wished that whatever happened next that, that small amount of hope didn't end up sealing her fate for the worse.

Fun fact, fear was one of the biggest triggers to her bond with Steve, Hydra used that information brutally. And an awesome effect was that being experimented on left Darcy with a healthy dose of fearing needles. So when Steve had left her in the room with Helen, the doctor who she really regretted pushing and yeah she felt like a dick for hurting the woman, but now that she had a huge needle in her hands, she would call them very much even, alright.

Darcy tried closing her eyes and counting to ten, she tried wrapping her hands in the sheets to feels something concrete, but her heart wouldn't stop slamming against her rib cage, she didn't want this, she hated this, invading his privacy. It wasn't hers to have, it was never hers to keep. She couldn't just-

"Sam touched her," Steve said to half of The Avengers, all sitting on the porch looking up at their leader

"What?" Clint asked standing behind a brunette that Darcy knew from past episodes of Walking In Steve's Shoes, was the archer's wife and Soulmate. She cradled a baby in her hands and Darcy had never seen something so small and fragile before or that damn adorable.

Natasha got to what Steve was trying to say first, "When Darcy touched Sam, I assume he felt nothing?" When the man nodded his answer, she carried on, "She made skin contact with Helen as well."

"So what you're sayin' is that Steve's finally got a girl he can understand?" Bucky chuckled at his friend's heated glare, but Darcy didn't feel real happy. If they could figure this out it was only a step closer to that something bigger and more terrifying.

Steve wasn't stupid, he'd add it all up and get a big fat Soulmate red flag.

The only shot she had was that he was still feeling confused, "All I felt was guilt and pain." He stated and Darcy felt a sudden rush of worry, for her. It was so out of left field it left her mind silent. A miracle that had never been achieved before.

"They flipped her then?" Sam asked but Steve was already shaking his head.

"No." He was using his Captain's voice, the  one that demanded attention and Darcy could feel her eyes tear up outside of his mind, she didn't think she needed his support until she got it. She had been afraid he would look at her with eyes that were cold, that she would become his enemy. And deep down, to the squishy part of her that was forever vulnerable where this man was concerned, that part of her knew, if Steve had ever come to despise her, it was probably one of the only things left in this world that could tear her to shreds.

"I thought maybe at first she might have been, but that's not the guilt I recognized. It was self-loathing. I think Miss Lewis fought her way out of HYDRA, she probably killed the bastards that took her, and that's what's eating her up inside." Darcy felt that swirling black rage again, it almost swallowed her up with its ferocity. Steve was livid, and she got the suspicious feeling that if she left anyone of them alive, he'd finish what she had started.

"Why'd she run then?" Clint's wife, Laura, asked while rocking her child in her arms, Darcy felt a pang of envy as she looked on with Steve's gaze at the family, and she almost choked on her tongue when she sorted through the huge mass of emotions to fully realize that, that one had came from her. Well shit, that wasn't ever going to be thought of or repeated again.

"She was scared," Steve shrugged looking away from his teammates to the evening sky beyond them, "she just got out of an extreme situation, trust probably isn't her first priority right now."

Darcy felt searing pain hearing that word repeated again, and this time she knew that came purely from her own body. Her chest burnt with it and she needed out, she wanted to keel over and just breathe properly for the first time in three years, without fear of this curse she had robbing her of her own mind.

She just wanted this to end.

But no one was listening to her, they never  did.

“I think-" and Steve said this so softly that even in her head, she still struggled to hear him, and maybe she didn't want to, "I think I'm hurting her."

Darcy's link slammed closed and she took in deep gulps of fresh tasting oxygen, Helen was standing over her hands stretched as if to press down onto her chest.

"I'm fine." Darcy wheezed out, bending her head over her knees.

"Yeah and I'm not still mad about you shoving me." The small woman said with an arch of her eyebrow, but she still looked ready to give Darcy CPR.

"I'm sorry about that, I was a bit-" She searched for the right words to come to her, but her mind felt like sludge.

Helen helpfully filled in the blanks, "Crazy?" or not as helpful as she thought. But Darcy still snorted out a laugh. In another life, they might have have been great friends.

"I was going to say freaked out but yeah, that works."She laid back down on the bed when her words turned slurred, "Did you give me smumthing?"

"Yes. You were severely exhausted, frankly I don't even know how you were still standing." Darcy tried to say something back, about her award-winning stubbornness maybe? She also feels like she should be a little more freaked the fuck out by losing awarenesses, but she couldn't get all that worked up about it.

She felt way too groovy.

Darcy's going in and out of consciousness when she opens her eyes again to a clash of blue, so bright that she smiles at it like it's the sun itself. She remembers that blue, and it never failed to bring an ache of longing to her world.

She lets herself feel the safety in that gaze that looks so welcoming, she loves the warmth that spreads through her like a campfire and she wants to stay in this moment forever, she wants to keep that feeling close to her, so she never feels alone again. She even lets her fingers reach out to touch and when she collides with something warm, she instantly gets hit with a strong sense of what she always assumed home would feel like.

And for once Darcy sleeps without nightmares or a fear of what the next day will bring.

Apparently what it brings is one pissed of God of Thunder and a tiny astrophysicist that wants to defend her honor and say fuck a lot while she does it, so y'know, the days looking brighter than the last.

Silver linings and all that shit.

Soooo? I hope you enjoyed it! If not, thanks for sticking with me this far! Much Love guys! 

[diddlesanddoodles]

DUMPLING (GT/Fantasy)

Author’s notes: Where has this chapter been, you ask? Well, between some really hardcore adulting, swimming through bouts of depression, general laziness, and trying to put too much into this chapter, I finally got it down. I went back and forth so many times on how I wanted this bit to go because out of all the characters I have devised for this story, Keral is one of my favorite. And I hope after reading this chapter you like him too.

CHAPTER 15

She had taken the simple leather strap and metal medallion for granted, Nenani realized as she ran. And now, as her feet flew down the giant hall, she regretted it all the more. But there was also the near certainty that regardless of the marker, she very much doubted the ranger would care or mind the wordless command it represented.

But none of that mattered.

She was painfully aware of how futile her efforts were. The ranger was a trainer tracker along with being tall as a house. A human house, but still a house. Even for a giant, he was tall. Just like Farris. His brother. And yet none of those feeling she held for the kitchen master translated to his brother. She knew she had met him at some point many years ago when she was still small. Her family had been running from him. What reason could there be other than the plain old truth of it? They were human, he a giant. And many giants – though not all she had grown to learn – ate humans. She could not count on Farris’s brother being anything like him.

This day was not going well for her. Even as she ran, the words from the catacombs echoed in her head.

The flesh taken will be paid in blood and the dead walls will rise with gold.

Ever since coming to Vhasshal, she had been having odd dreams and for much of them she believed them just that. Dreams. She was in a strange place. Strange dreams should only be expected. Surely. And yet something was telling her that she needed to be paying attention. She could not know for sure or with any clarity, but…

...something was happening.

What kind of fire created light, but no heat? Why were there human tombs in a giant’s castle? Where the hell did her marker go? Whatever thoughts on these subjects her mind may have supplied in that moment, they were abruptly washed away with surprise when the light of the hallway was all at once cut off and Nenani’s vision was cast into shadow. Heavy, fowl smelling shadow. The bastard ranger had tossed his dirty coat over her like a net. The weight of the fabric pulled her down and she tumbled forward, landing hard and painfully onto her knees and slamming her palms onto the hard floor. She cried out in equal proportions pain and alarm, but wasted little time and was already pushing her way under the dragging weight of the wool.

“Fast lil’ buggar,” laughed the ranger, his voice incrementally muffled. “Don’t have much energy at th’moment to be chasin’ ya ‘bout the royal apartments, though.”

Nenani, feeling as though her options were dwindling and fast, decided to take up the piece of advice Farris had bestowed onto her after her last encounter with a ranger. So she filled her lungs until she felt her ribs creak and -

The world pushed down onto her, breaking her scream before it was more than a high pitched squeak. The fabric shifted and pushed in all around her and she could feel the large hands gathering up the coat and her along with it.

“Ah-ah-ah, nah ya don’t. Won’t be havin’ any a’that now,” said the ranger flatly. It was stifling inside the wrapped coat and Nenani pushed back and kicked as much as she could. “Just get nice n’ comfy in there, aye?”

It had been a long while since she had felt afraid of a giant. But between Craeg and now the ranger, Nenani was good and scared. No more bouts of bravery. Her confidence escaped her like the yolk from a smashed egg. And she felt tears well in her eyes and her chest heave. She gave up her exhausting struggles and settled into the confining folds of the fabric. And trembled.

She was a baby again. Alone. Snatched up by a giant with unknown intentions and behind her lips, she held the pitiful plea for her mother.

………………………………

“Oi there! Keral my lad, when did ya sorry arse get dragged back here, eh?” Nenani had gone quite and still after the ranger had caught her and began to walk off to wherever it was he was going. He had begun to climb a long set of stairs when she heard the muffled voice that she recognized and perked up. 

That was Verhn. She knew him! He was the brew master, maker and manager the castles supply of beer, ale, and wine. He wasn’t kitchen staff, but he was often seen around and though Nenani had never actually held much of a conversation with him, she knew of him. And more importantly for her purposes, he knew of her.

“Just a bit ago,” replied the ranger. “Wont be stayin’ fer long though. A ranger’s work is never done.”

“Ah, well. Should’ve taken up my offer all them years ago t’be my apprentice, boy,” Verhn’s voice was filled with good humored admonishment. “Then ya wouldn’t be treking across half of creation fer no good reason months at a time. That whiskey a’yers is a big hit with the boys. Could’a been a master.”

“Could’a been a lot a’things, old man. But, what can I say? I wanted to be a knight,” laughed the ranger.

Verhn laughed too and Nenani’s wool clad world buckled as he slapped Keral’s shoulder. “How’s that workin’ out fer ya, eh?”

“Kinda lost its flavor when I realized they were all pompous assholes.”

“Still not clear on why ya passed the Captain’s role fer the rangers, though.”

“Rheil’s a fine Captain, Verhn.”

“Oh, aye. He is just that. But anyone would’a looked better after Baynor.”

“I had my reasons,” replied Keral, the humor gone from his voice. “Baynor was a lot of things, but he was good at his job. Not much else though.”

Nenani shifted and waited for a lull in their conversation, having no notion of how muffled her voice would be or if Verhn would heard her or see her struggled. As the ranger’s last comment lead into a somewhat awkward silence, Nenani took her chance and began to thrash and cry out. The hands beneath her and the fabric immediately shifted and pressed down on her.

“What’s wrong with ya now?” Keral asked her in surprise.  

“What in th’seven hells ‘ave ya got there?” Verhn asked, but before Nenani could call out to him, Keral spoke.

“Ah, just Farris’s lil’ squeaker,” he said, catching Nenani by surprise. So much so that she stopped her struggles and was still. Struck dumb by such revelations, Nenani allowed for the small spark of hope that maybe...just maybe...the ranger did not mean to hurt her.  

“Caught ‘er wanderin’ round the royal apartments by ‘erself,” Keral continued. “And no marker t’be seen.”

Verhn released a short bark of a laugh that fadded into a twittering snicker. “No place fer that one, I’m sure. Though I bet ya can thank the King’s ward fer it. Them two ‘ave been scamperin’ all over the place since she arrived. Doubt she would’ve founder ‘er way there without ‘im.”

“That,” Keral replied with a barking laugh of his own. “I ‘ave no doubt. Haven’t seen the brat though. Might ‘ave to teach a few things about chivalry.”

“What would you be knowin’ about chivalry?”

“Oi, I’m plenty chivalrous. Look, I’m even ‘elpin’ a damsel in distress.”

“Not entirely certain it counts if yer the one causin’ the ditress, Keral,” Verhn said with a smile in his voice.

“Oh shut up, ya weasely old git. Don’t ya have some grapes to mash ‘er somethin’?”

“Aye, suppose I do, suppose I do,” Verhn replied. “I’m a busy man, m’boy. We all can’t be gallivanting around looking fer shadows and bandits now can we?”

……………

Keral continued up the stairs after saying his farewells to Verhn and Nenani remained very still and quiet. She listened instead and counted the steps he took in an effort to give her mind something to do other than panicking. After the 47th step, things seemed to level out and after perhaps a dozen or so steps, Keral paused and shifted his bundle of coat and human. As everything shifted and moved around her, Nenani blindly grabbed for the fabric, but her grip continually slipped as the fabric was pulled away. She tumbled head over feet and a sudden rush of cold air met hr before a calloused hand snatched her around her middle. She bit down on her cries and instinctively grabbed onto the giant’s wrist for stability.

“Yer alright, m’girl,” Keral chuckled. “No harm then.”

As her spinning vision returned to normal, she felt something solid press against her feet and the hand around her loosen its grip and pull away. She wobbled unsteadily, reaching out for balance and stumbling onto her already sore knees. She sat atop a small table, not unlike the elegant ones lining the royal apartments. However, this one was not of any comparable quality to those deeply rich dark wood, polished to a sheen and inlaid with mother of pearl and gold leaf. This table was a hard used, rough surfaced piece of furniture of practical use rather than decorative. Their only shared trait was their general shape and size. The hallway was bare and significantly colder than the other. There were no carpets of tapestries. Only a stone walled hallway and a frosted window that provided just enough of the gray day’s light to come through.

Keral was slinging the blue dyed coat back onto his shoulders, straightening it with a firm tug, before he turned his bright eyes down to Nenani. Her breathing consisted of short burst as her heart thundered in her chest and her hands wrung themselves into knots. The ranger regarded her quietly and Nenani struggled to maintain any sort of eyes contact.

She finally looked away and took a deliberate step back. “I...um...I don’t...”

“Know who I am, lil’un?” he asked, cutting her potential ramble off at the quick.

Nenani nervously licked her lips and nodded.

“And who am I?” he asked, the smallest of smiles on his lips.

“K-Keral,” she mumbled, wringing her hands so hard it hurt. “You’re the captain of the rangers. And y-you’re...F-Farris’s brother….”

He broke out into a grin that was surprisingly friendly and she found herself staring. “Aye, that’d be me.” Keral bent down without warning, startling her badly and she scrambled back. “There’s no need to be scared a’ me, lass. Mean ya no harm.” He paused, seeming to consider something. “I know who ya are, Nenani.”

She blinked stupidly up at him.

“H-how do you know who...” She trailed off. He straightened up and shrugged, a gesture so reminiscent of Farris that for a second, she could almost believe it was him under that coat, wild hair, and unkempt beard.

“It’s my business to know everything,” he replied with a sly grin. “But it’s nothing so special as ya might think. Seein’ as yer the only lil’girl ‘mongst our humans here.”

“But what about my marker? How’d you know I wasn’t trespassing or...” She belatedly realized this was a terrible thing to suggest, but before she could even finish her idiotic sentence, Keral was laughing.

“I just know,” he replied. “What I don’t know, however, is why in the blood hells were ya wandering around down some place ya had to business. By yerself. Without ya marker. Not pleasant to think about the Queen’s man findin’ ya. He’s a bit prickly.”

Nenani shivered at recalling her and Jae’s encounter with that very man, replying, “We did see him. Craeg. Jae and me, I mean. We were looking for the missing blackberry bush...”

The ranger rolled his eyes. “Still on that one, is he? Th’brat’s never gonna find it.”

“He might...” she replied, feeling oddly defensive.

“Nah,” Keral shook his head with a wicked grin. “’Cause I found it three months ago and it’s been sitting in a’cup on the window sill in m’room ever since.”

Nenani’s mouth fell open in disbelief. “But...that’s mean!”

“Mean?” Keral echoed in amusement. “Nah. That’s tame. I’ve done worse. So’s the brat. The lil’ wanker spiked my ale once with a red dragon pepper. Ever eat a red dragon pepper?”

“No...” she replied, a little confused.  

“See that ya never do,” he advised. “Hurts going in, hurts comin’ out. But anyway, I took my time gettin’ ‘im back fer that one. Kid never could handle strong drink.”

“The wedding?” she asked. There was a certain twinkling of great amusement in Keral’s eyes. He did not have to say anything. “But that was awful!”

“Awful? I dunno ‘bout that. I thought it was quite funny,” he replied. “A lil’ gravy never hurt anyone.”

Her anxiety was forgotten and indignation rose up instead. “It was mean,” she insisted sternly, getting to her feet and pointing an accusing finger at the red haired ranger. “The Queen’s been mad at him ever since and Jae won’t talk to the King about it. He hasn’t slept in his own room for weeks! And then Craeg made it even worse and telling him that because the Queen’s gonna have a baby that the King didn’t need Jae around anymore and...and...”

She trailed off when she noticed the odd expression on Keral’s face and for a moment she was afraid she had made him angry. He was not looking directly at her, but seemed to look through her at something beyond.

“That so?” he asked, voice low and contemplative. She nodded nervously. But the seriousness of his expression faded back into one more genial with a sly title. He studied her for a moment, grinning. “Awfully defensive of ‘im there, lass. Ya sweet on ‘im, are ya?”

From the nape of her neck to the tip of her ears, Nenani blushed a fierce scarlet that she felt as a deep rush of heat spreading upwards. “No,” she replied. But Keral just laughed at her.

………………………..

[pbandjesse]

It is april 10th 2017 and it is SNOWING! What the hell! I wouldn’t be as annoyed if I didn’t miss my bus home and have to walk in it for a while. but its still ridiculous that there is snow.

Todays been a bit all over the place. I couldn’t fall asleep last night but eventually I just took a second melatonin and was able to knock out for a few hours. I got up at 6 and had toast, showered, and was out by 630. The bus was running like 20 minutes late and I was going to be late for my dentist appointment so I decided to just walk the mile downtown. I just made it with 2 minutes to spare and the receptionist was very proud of me. I didn’t wear a coat because I didn’t want it to be cold. And while it wasn’t my smartest move I had my big scarf on and that kept my shoulders warm.

They were able to build back up my tooth. Without having to numb me; but a few parts were incredibly painful. But it was fine. They showed me metal teeth options as a temporary permanent fix. As in itll last a few years but not forever. But with my parents help I can afford that. So next month after I do my thesis defense I will get a metal tooth. Neat.

I tried to put money on my bus pass but the machine wouldn’t read my card. So I just went and caught the bus to the post office. Except they didn’t open for a half hour. I walked around the CVS for as long as I could stand it. I bought some snack bars to keep in my purse. I was the first one in line at the post office once they did open though.

I inquired about a passport. I want to get that in the next couple weeks. I mailed in my taxes and picked up a package. It was the vest I ordered with my Causebox gift card. I’m wearing it in my photo and I love it. I didn’t have high hopes that it would fit because it was a small but its actually perfect. I can zip it up even.

I got home around 930. I made a fried egg sandwich and watched some tv. I got back in bed because I was freezing. I ended up closing the blinds and sleeping until almost noon. It was a good rest but I had super distressing dreams about all my teeth falling out. Like I was just reaching into my mouth and pulling put handfuls of teeth and I woke up really upset. I pulled it together and talked to mom and dad and made the appointment to get the tooth capped. I’m still nervous about it but itll be fine.

I worked on my thesis for a few hours. The most productive thing I did today. I went and edited it and fixed all my sources. I had a lot of stuff messed up in but I think I got everything. I’m pretty pleased honestly. I still need to take pictures of the work but I’m done the writing I think? I’m meeting with Sam tomorrow to exchange papers.

I was thinking about going to my studio but I was just so tired and freezing. It was just so cold in here and it was getting colder outside. I was feeling pretty full of anxiety about being on time for the skating rehearsal. So I started reading and that helped. I left here and was right on time for skating.

I met the other adult and she was nice. I got to try on the costume! I didn’t care for the sequin color much but that’s okay its still really pretty and fits me nice. I’m excited.

I got on the ice and it was strange having so much space to myself. I practiced and warmed up and one of the little tiny girls fell down and was crying. And she skated over to me because I’m an adult and we talked and I calmed her down. I love working with kids I cant wait for summer camp so I can have more of that. The practice itself was fun. I am excited about the routine and it’s a lot of fun. We practiced for the 45 minutes and by the end we were pretty good with the music. I’m excited.

I was annoyed though because I just missed the bus. and the next one wasn’t for a half hour. But I didn’t want to pay $8 for a lyft. So I walked. Or at least I walked to the next stop that had an enclosure because it was rainsnowing. I just listened to my music and had my granola bar and waited.

I’m home now though. My ear is hurting and I wanted to wash my hair but I’ll wait til tomorrow. I hope you can all sleep easy tonight. Stay safe. 

[ecotone99]

[SF] The Midnight Planet

A long sigh escaped my mouth as I read the data on the regional climate panel. I fixated my gaze on one particular piece of data first; the temperature. In an obnoxiously bright blue, the panel read -267° C. It was another freezing, depressing day on an unimportant planet who's only accolades to be named were it was unusually cold and dark, giving it the name 'the Midnight Planet.' Otherwise, this god-forsaken chunk of ice was of little note.

I now started skimming over the other data on the panel, fueled by the last shred of optimism I had in my heart. After all, what if there was another lightning storm happening later tonight? Perhaps there was some other poor soul orbiting my isolated domain for some inexplicable reason! Severe sediment-storm, less than 1 meter of visibility .

Magnificent. That was positively wonderful. Now, not only was I scheduled to check the exterior integrity of my research station today, but I'd also have the scrape the sediment from the hull and out of the control panels tomorrow! This day could not possibly get any better! Maybe I'd be posted to an even more hellish planet! I sat down on the cold, hard floor of my living space and placed my head in my hands, my heart beginning to pump harder and harder. I was briefly distracted when my com-system made the distinctive signal telling me I had a new message.

The prospect of what this message could have been hurt to think about. It was most likely just that damned weather system telling me about the storm again. I mean, I didn't really get any messages from actual human beings considering I manned the farthest 'colony' from any signal relay station. I received my last message two years ago from a pen pal I began talking to a long time ago. We never really discussed who we were or our business in the boonies of space, but the interaction was appreciated.

I now had an unexpected burst of motivation. Perhaps the message was from him and I could invite him for shitty replicated coffee and beef in around five years or some wild thing like that. I got up from what I deemed the position of defeat and slowly made my way to the interface. As it would turn out, it was him. This horrible day may yet have been a great one. I opened the message and began reading about his latest exploits. It was for the most part mundane when looked at objectively; he finally managed to sell his maintenance mech and he bought a new hazard suit with the spare cash. His cat got sick around one and a half years ago and he found out it was because she ate a mouse.

But for me, this was different! This was new material that I had never laid eyes on! I was ecstatic about his new hazard suit and deeply touched by his cat's illness. My day had been made by a bland message from a man I didn't even know. I prepared to turn off the terminal when I got another message sent a mere two days after the first one was. This one was also from my pal.

I began to read this one as well. The contents were deeply distressing to say the least. This selfish bastard of a man was parting ways with me. He was moving half way across the galaxy to the planet of KAD-181481, a supposed paradise, where the summers were warm and the natives were particularly attractive and extremely promiscuous. My fist met the screen, to which it responded by briefly shuttering. My fist met it again, this time far harder. It turned off, for which I cursed it and swore at it for its cowardice.

My heart was torn in two. I'd never met this man before in my life and I'd only ever received 10 messages from him over my two Earth decades in this metal coffin of a research complex, but it broke me. My face turned a bright hue of red as tears began to stream down my cheeks and onto the floor. I assumed the position of defeat once again, this time deciding that I wouldn't move for anything. I just sat there and wept, half angered by the world around me, half empty, completely self-absorbed in my sorrows.

***

The lights were now out in my living area. I had been sitting still for so long that the basic AI in my room had thought I left. My face was cold and damp from the tears, and snot and condensation from my breath. This was undoubtedly the lowest moment of my entire pitiful life. At this point, I wasn't really thinking about anything, I was just empty; a husk, a shell, whatever you'd like to call me. I was just plain and simple, empty and nothing could change that. So I thought at least.

The door to the outside then slid open, grinding with every inch it moved. The first thought that entered my mind was that my door was now broken. Because of this, I refused to look at it or try to close it to prevent the piercing wind and sediment from destroying everything in my home. I just cursed at it, stating it was made by a pathetic moron with no skills in his trade. The door then responded: "By the gods, what the hell are you doing Mackenzie?"

This happened to get my attention. I glanced over, half shielding my face in a failed attempt to hide the fact that I'd been having a mental breakdown. What stood before me was a tall man wearing shining, bright grey metal armour, adorned with blue lights. I knew this man before I even looked at his helmet or trademark rifle. It was a dear old friend who I used to do less-than-legal business with.

I stood up, clearly shaking from being in such a contorted position for so long. "Dal?" My voice cracked as I said his name. "Mackenzie?" he replied, emulating the crack, to which I replied enthusiastically. "Dal!" We exchanged greetings as I desperately tried to remember what you do when you have guests. I invited him to sit down for a drink, which he graciously accepted.

We began casually chatting, with me telling him exactly how my day went and how I was so glad he was there. For the first time in a good two decades, I was smiling ear to ear, absolutely elated to have something so unexpected happen. Our talks went on for a good while with me telling him about how horrible life was here with the cold, lack of light, crushing loneliness and such. After this we reminisced about the good old days when we were wild, young adults, working against the establishment, selling rifles to the southern warlords and to the Sangraki government who they were waging war against at the time. "Both sides of the fence" was our unofficial motto after all.

"So why are you actually here, Dal? Why would anyone, especially a prestigious man such as yourself, want to be here? And how did I not pick up your ship on the sensors this morning?"

"I've expanded my horizons and I've become a hired gun. I never disbanded the organization when you got arrested so I figured why not keep 'er going? As for my ship, I've been cloaked for a solid week straight monitoring the system's activity, especially on your planet."

"Who's the target? I'm sure that poor unfortunate soul is as good as dead, eh?"

"Well he's another ex-gunrunner turned scientist who I believe is taking refuge in this system. Some Tranarian trader wanted me to off him. He's apparently making a dash for some planet called KAD-181492."

That son of a bitch, Dal. I knew exactly who his target was. It was me. He hadn't even tried to hide it. If I knew him well enough, he even made it as obvious as possible just for kicks. I visibly shivered, both disturbed and enraged by the fact that a good friend was about to kill me for financial gain.

"What's the problem there, Mack? You alright?"

"I'm fine, I've just... I've got some sickness that I brought with me from my last vacation."

That was an absolutely horrible excuse. He knew I couldn't leave the station unmanned. The time for action would have to be now or I would end up dead. I excused myself from the table to "use the bathroom." In reality, I was going to get my old hunting rifle from my room. It was him or me.

I retrieved the weapon from my closet and began to make my way back to the living area. I readied my rifle and leaned around the corner, aiming at the table, whole-heartedly expecting the man to be sitting there, waiting patiently. Instead, he was nowhere to be seen. I loudly began cursing to myself. I turned around to try to take refuge in my room. I was met by a dagger directly in my stomach.

He got me. He fucking stabbed me and he had the audacity to walk away without saying a word. I stood there, with the air knocked from my lungs and a burning sensation becoming increasingly present in my midriff. I slowly sat down once again, trying desperately to get any air into my lungs and failing. I heard the door to the outside open and shut once again.

My body was becoming increasingly cold as I lost more and more blood. I was colder than I'd ever felt. Even when my cold hazard suit was malfunctioning and ran the AC instead of heating when I had 24 hours of repairs to do in a lightning storm, I wasn't as cold as I was now. My fingertips were numb and appeared white and the distinct taste of iron was filling my mouth. This was the end. I never wanted to die here. It truly was a shame. What I hated the most was the fact that my final thought was about the midnight planet owning me forever, as it did when I was alive. It truly was a shame.

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[afoolsingenuity]

Looking Forward // Autumn Releases I Cannot Wait For

Looking Forward was the feature I used to map out all the new releases I was looking forward to. I stopped having the time to write it up each month and I found myself discovering far too many books to read but I have been loving seeing the Top Ten Tuesday posts of people’s Fall TBR lists and thought what better time than to resurrect a post of new releases than now?

Autumn (or Fall for my lovely American readers) is one of my favourite seasons. The leaves change and you can start cracking out those cosy jumpers, scarves and boots and it’s once more the season to clutch warm drinks in hand. September to November also always seem to have some excellent new releases coming out as well. It’s like publishers know as the nights get darker and the days grow colder we’re all eager to get ourselves all curled up with a good book and hibernate from the world.

There are plenty of new releases coming out in the next few months and there are even a few already out which I need to get my hands on. Below are 15 new releases I am so eagerly anticipating and I am all ready to throw my money at to get a hold of them.

Intercepted (Playbook #1) – Alexa Martin Published: 4th September 2018 Genre: Romance, Contemporary, Sports Romance

Marlee thought she scored the man of her dreams only to be scorched by a bad breakup. But there's a new player on the horizon, and he's in a league of his own...

Marlee Harper is the perfect girlfriend. She's definitely had enough practice by dating her NFL-star boyfriend for the last ten years. But when she discovers he has been tackling other women on the sly, she vows to never date an athlete again. There's just one problem: Gavin Pope, the new hotshot quarterback and a fling from the past, has Marlee in his sights.

Gavin fights to show Marlee he's nothing like her ex. Unfortunately, not everyone is ready to let her escape her past. The team's wives, who never led the welcome wagon, are not happy with Marlee's return. They have only one thing on their minds: taking her down. But when the gossip makes Marlee public enemy number one, she worries about more than just her reputation.

Lethal White (Cormoran Strike #4) – Robert Galbraith

Published: 18th September 2018

Genre: Mystery, Crime Fiction

“I seen a kid killed…He strangled it, up by the horse.”

When Billy, a troubled young man, comes to private eye Cormoran Strike’s office to ask for his help investigating a crime he thinks he witnessed as a child, Strike is left deeply unsettled. While Billy is obviously mentally distressed, and cannot remember many concrete details, there is something sincere about him and his story. But before Strike can question him further, Billy bolts from his office in a panic.

Trying to get to the bottom of Billy’s story, Strike and Robin Ellacott—once his assistant, now a partner in the agency—set off on a twisting trail that leads them through the backstreets of London, into a secretive inner sanctum within Parliament, and to a beautiful but sinister manor house deep in the countryside.

And during this labyrinthine investigation, Strike’s own life is far from straightforward: his newfound fame as a private eye means he can no longer operate behind the scenes as he once did. Plus, his relationship with his former assistant is more fraught than it ever has been—Robin is now invaluable to Strike in the business, but their personal relationship is much, much trickier than that.

Pride – Ibi Zoboi Published: 18th September 2018 Genre: Contemporary, Retelling, Young Adult

Pride and Prejudice gets remixed in this smart, funny, gorgeous retelling of the classic, starring all characters of color, from Ibi Zoboi, National Book Award finalist and author of American Street.

Zuri Benitez has pride. Brooklyn pride, family pride, and pride in her Afro-Latino roots. But pride might not be enough to save her rapidly gentrifying neighborhood from becoming unrecognizable.

When the wealthy Darcy family moves in across the street, Zuri wants nothing to do with their two teenage sons, even as her older sister, Janae, starts to fall for the charming Ainsley. She especially can’t stand the judgmental and arrogant Darius. Yet as Zuri and Darius are forced to find common ground, their initial dislike shifts into an unexpected understanding.

But with four wild sisters pulling her in different directions, cute boy Warren vying for her attention, and college applications hovering on the horizon, Zuri fights to find her place in Bushwick’s changing landscape, or lose it all.

In a timely update of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, critically acclaimed author Ibi Zoboi skillfully balances cultural identity, class, and gentrification against the heady magic of first love in her vibrant reimagining of this beloved classic.

Make Me Fall (Books & Brews #2) – Sara Rider

Published: 24th September 2018

Genre: Romance, Contemporary

Enemies make the worst neighbors, but the best lovers

After losing her job, her home, and her friends in her divorce, Nora Pitts is determined not to make the same mistakes when she starts over in the small town of Shadow Creek, Washington. No more slaving away in the lab at the expense of her social life, and definitely no more men. Ever. But making friends in her thirties is so much harder than she anticipated. And when it comes to her gorgeous yet obnoxious neighbor, it’s a whole lot easier to make enemies.

Eli Hardin doesn’t have a lot of sympathy for his uptight neighbor, until he overhears her so-called new friends making fun of her un-datable status. Suddenly he finds himself volunteering for a date with a woman who’s been leaving angry hate-notes in his mailbox, and in way over his head. Because all it takes is one disastrous date with Nora for Eli to fall hard.

But falling for Eli isn’t something Nora’s ready for—not when he’s her complete opposite, and especially not when he turns out to be the best friend she’s made in Shadow Creek. But as her attraction and her feelings for Eli grow hotter, resisting him might just lead to heartbreak anyway.

Vengeful (The Villians #2) – V.E. Schwab

Published: 25th September 2018

Genre: Fantasy, Science Fiction

Eli Ever and Victor Vale were only medical students when their mutual discovery that near-death experiences can, under the right conditions, manifest extraordinary abilities. They were best friends, and rivals, and then enemies. They were dead, then alive, and then---Eli killed Victor, once and for all. Or so he thought---but Sydney Clarke felt otherwise, and used her own superpower to tip the scales. Now, a trio hides in the shadows, while another takes advantages of post-death life to take over the city of Merit. If there can be life after death—will there be calm after vengeance, or will chaos rule?

Phoenix Unbound (Fallen Empire #1) – Grace Draven

Published: 25th September 2018

Genre: Fantasy Romance

A woman with power over fire and illusion and an enslaved son of a chieftain battle a corrupt empire in this powerful and deeply emotional romantic fantasy from the USA Todaybestselling author of Radiance.

Every year, each village is required to send a young woman to the Empire's capital--her fate to be burned alive for the entertainment of the masses. For the last five years, one small village's tithe has been the same woman. Gilene's sacrifice protects all the other young women of her village, and her secret to staying alive lies with the magic only she possesses.

But this year is different.

Azarion, the Empire's most famous gladiator, has somehow seen through her illusion--and is set on blackmailing Gilene into using her abilities to help him escape his life of slavery. And unknown to Gilene, he also wants to reclaim the birthright of his clan.

To protect her family and village, she will risk everything to return to the Empire--and burn once more.

Kill the Queen (Crown of Shards #1) – Jennifer Estep Published: 2nd October 2018 Genre: Fantasy

Gladiator meets Game of Thrones: a royal woman becomes a skilled warrior to destroy her murderous cousin, avenge her family, and save her kingdom in this first entry in a dazzling fantasy epic from the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the Elemental Assassin series—an enthralling tale that combines magic, murder, intrigue, adventure, and a hint of romance.

In a realm where one’s magical power determines one’s worth, Lady Everleigh’s lack of obvious ability relegates her to the shadows of the royal court of Bellona, a kingdom steeped in gladiator tradition. Seventeenth in line for the throne, Evie is nothing more than a ceremonial fixture, overlooked and mostly forgotten.

But dark forces are at work inside the palace. When her cousin Vasilia, the crown princess, assassinates her mother the queen and takes the throne by force, Evie is also attacked, along with the rest of the royal family. Luckily for Evie, her secret immunity to magic helps her escape the massacre.

Forced into hiding to survive, she falls in with a gladiator troupe. Though they use their talents to entertain and amuse the masses, the gladiators are actually highly trained warriors skilled in the art of war, especially Lucas Sullivan, a powerful magier with secrets of his own. Uncertain of her future—or if she even has one—Evie begins training with the troupe until she can decide her next move.

But as the bloodthirsty Vasilia exerts her power, pushing Bellona to the brink of war, Evie’s fate becomes clear: she must become a fearsome gladiator herself . . . and kill the queen.

Muse of Nightmares (Strange the Dreamer #2) – Laini Taylor

Published: 2nd October 2018

Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult

Sarai has lived and breathed nightmares since she was six years old. She believed she knew every horror, and was beyond surprise. She was wrong.

In the wake of tragedy, neither Lazlo nor Sarai are who they were before. One a god, the other a ghost, they struggle to grasp the new boundaries of their selves as dark-minded Minya holds them hostage, intent on vengeance against Weep.

Lazlo faces an unthinkable choice--save the woman he loves, or everyone else?--while Sarai feels more helpless than ever. But is she? Sometimes, only the direst need can teach us our own depths, and Sarai, the muse of nightmares, has not yet discovered what she's capable of.

As humans and godspawn reel in the aftermath of the citadel's near fall, a new foe shatters their fragile hopes, and the mysteries of the Mesarthim are resurrected: Where did the gods come from, and why? What was done with thousands of children born in the citadel nursery? And most important of all, as forgotten doors are opened and new worlds revealed: Must heroes always slay monsters, or is it possible to save them instead?

Love and hate, revenge and redemption, destruction and salvation all clash in this gorgeous sequel to the New York Timesbestseller, Strange the Dreamer.

Fight or Flight – Samantha Young Published: 9th October 2018 Genre: Romance, Contemporary

The universe is conspiring against Ava Breevort. As if flying back to Phoenix to bury a childhood friend wasn't hell enough, a cloud of volcanic ash travelling from overseas delayed her flight back home to Boston. Her last ditch attempt to salvage the trip was thwarted by an arrogant Scotsman, Caleb Scott, who steals a first class seat out from under her. Then over the course of their journey home, their antagonism somehow lands them in bed for the steamiest layover Ava's ever had. And that's all it was - until Caleb shows up on her doorstep.

When pure chance pulls Ava back into Caleb's orbit, he proposes they enjoy their physical connection while he's stranded in Boston. Ava agrees, knowing her heart's in no danger since a) she barely likes Caleb and b) his existence in her life is temporary. Not long thereafter Ava realizes she's made a terrible error because as it turns out Caleb Scott isn't quite so unlikeable after all. When his stay in Boston becomes permanent, Ava must decide whether to fight her feelings for him or give into them. But even if she does decide to risk her heart on Caleb, there is no guarantee her stubborn Scot will want to risk his heart on her....

Beneath the Citadel – Destiny Soria

Published: 9th October 2018

Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult

In the city of Eldra, people are ruled by ancient prophecies. For centuries, the high council has stayed in power by virtue of the prophecies of the elder seers. After the last infallible prophecy came to pass, growing unrest led to murders and an eventual rebellion that raged for more than a decade.


  In the present day, Cassa, the orphaned daughter of rebels, is determined to fight back against the high council, which governs Eldra from behind the walls of the citadel. Her only allies are no-nonsense Alys, easygoing Evander, and perpetually underestimated Newt, and Cassa struggles to come to terms with the legacy of rebellion her dead parents have left her — and the fear that she may be inadequate to shoulder the burden. But by the time Cassa and her friends uncover the mystery of the final infallible prophecy, it may be too late to save the city — or themselves.

The Guardian (The Immortal Dealers #2) – Sarah Fine Published: 23rd October 2018 Genre: Urban Fantasy

Life and death are a gamble for a girl fighting to save humanity in a world she’s only beginning to understand.

One minute, Ernestine “Ernie” Terwilliger was a fairly normal young woman with an almost normal life. Absent father. Peculiar mother. Family secrets. The next, she was hurled into a land where the Immortal Dealers are waging a battle between good and evil—and where the fate of the world is in the cards.

Having only started to master her own deck, the inexperienced Ernie places the wrong bet on the right guy at the worst time. That’s when she’s bounced into another realm by a formidable and power-hungry rogue Dealer who knows more about Ernie’s fractured family than Ernie herself does.

Now, Ernie’s fight to free herself from the trap of the dimensional barriers is only the beginning. As the secrets of Ernie’s father and his own relics of power start to surface, Ernie will need to tell friend from foe—a feat not as easy as it seems.

At least now she has a full deck…because to survive secrets, betrayals, and dangerous dimensions, she’ll need to deal the best hand.

The Proposal – Jasmine Guillory

Published: 30th October 2018

Genre: Romance, Contemporary

When Nik Paterson went to the Dodgers game with her C-list actor boyfriend, Ford, for his birthday, she expected nothing more than a few boring hours with him and his bros. She certainly didn't expect a Jumbotron proposal. Or her name to be misspelled. Or to go viral in minutes...

Carlos Ibarra wants to hang out with his sister, catch a Dodgers game, and relax for once. But when a camera crew descends on Nik after the disastrous proposal, he has to rescue her. After they flee the stadium, he delivers her into the arms of her supportive girlfriends, and they both think they'll never see each other again.

Fate has other plans. Nik and Carlos keep crossing paths, accidentally and on purpose. When they finally give in to their attraction to each other, they are on the same page: sex and nothing more. But the proposed friends-with-benefits relationship is turning into something more, and the pair have to decide if they have room in their lives for love.

Diamond Fire (Hidden Legacy #3.5) – Ilona Andrews

Published: 6th November 2018

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Nevada Frida Baylor and Connor Ander Rogan cordially invite you to join their wedding celebration. Summoning, weather manipulation, and other magical activities strictly forbidden. Catalina Baylor is looking forward to wearing her maid of honor dress and watching her older sister walk down the aisle. Then the wedding planner gets escorted off the premises, the bride’s priceless tiara disappears, and Rogan's extensive family overruns his mother’s home. Someone is cheating, someone is lying, and someone is plotting murder. To make this wedding happen, Catalina will have to do the thing she fears most: use her magic. But she’s a Baylor and there’s nothing she wouldn't do for her sister's happiness. Nevada will have her fairy tale wedding, even if Catalina has to tear the mansion apart brick by brick to get it done.

The Dark Days Deceit (Lady Helen #3) – Alison Goodman

Published: 15th November 2018

Genre: Fantasy, Historical, Young Adult

The thrilling, genre-bending conclusion to Lady Helen's demon-hunting adventures, set in the glittering Regency world.

Lady Helen has retreated to a country estate outside Bath to prepare for her wedding to the Duke of Selburn, yet she knows she has unfinished business to complete. She and the dangerously charismatic Lord Carlston have learned they are a dyad, bonded in blood, and only they are strong enough to defeat the Grand Deceiver, who threatens to throw mankind into chaos. But the heinous death-soaked Ligatus Helen has absorbed is tearing a rift in her mind. Its power, if unleashed, will annihilate both Helen and Carlston unless they can find a way to harness its ghastly force and defeat their enemy.

In the final book of the trilogy that began with THE DARK DAYS CLUB and continued with THE DARK DAYS PACT, the intrepid Lady Helen's story hurtles to a shocking conclusion full of action, heartbreak, and betrayal.

The Other Miss Bridgerton (Rokesbys #3) – Julia Quinn

Published: 20th November 2018

Genre: Historical Romance

She was in the wrong place...

Fiercely independent and adventurous, Poppy Bridgerton will only wed a suitor whose keen intellect and interests match her own. Sadly, none of the fools from her London season qualify. While visiting a friend on the Dorset coast, Poppy is pleasantly surprised to discover a smugglers' hideaway tucked inside a cave. But her delight turns to dismay when two pirates kidnap her and take her aboard a ship, leaving her bound and gagged on the captain's bed…

He found her at the wrong time...

Known to society as a rascal and reckless privateer, Captain Andrew James Rokesby actually transports essential goods and documents for the British government. Setting sail on a time-sensitive voyage to Portugal, he's stunned to find a woman waiting for him in his cabin. Surely, his imagination is getting the better of him. But no, she is very real—and his duty to the Crown means he's stuck with her.

Can two wrongs make the most perfect right?

When Andrew learns that she is a Bridgerton, he knows he will likely have to wed her to avert a scandal—though Poppy has no idea that he is the son of an earl and neighbor to her aristocratic cousins in Kent. On the high seas, their war of words soon gives way to an intoxicating passion. But when Andrew's secret is revealed, will his declaration of love be enough to capture her heart…?

Which Autumn releases are you eagerly anticipating? Are there any books I’ve missed or have you read one of these and want to tell me to get or avoid it?

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