#everything is fine but also it is AWFUL.
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I love having a fragile pshyce <3 One minute I am contented and the next I'm having a breakdown about my fanfiction continuity because I have no control over my emotions like an unknown wiki information-triggered werewolf
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im abt to rb a post on this anyways but tbh i dont know how you can finish isat and go “siffrin wasnt punished enough”.
the fella has killed themselves several times, what more do you want from him?
#ok yes thats an optional thing you dont have to get. but still#act 5 is basically dragging siffrin through the mud over and over and over and over and over again#what do you MEAN ‘’he wasnt punished enough’’#like yeah what he said was awful and he did do bad things during the loops but like#he was literally killed several times and had to watch bonnie die bc of him…. i think he HAS been punished enough actually#the game ending on such a sweet note after everything hes been through is what made it so impactful to me#also like speaking as someone who has been deeply hurt by ppl having a hard time mentally in a similar way the party was#and took much longer to forgive them… i think what the game gives us in terms of their reaction is just fine#they reserve the right to be mad. he apologized profusely. they all acknowledge that he was experiencing hell and give him some leniency#thats perfectly acceptable to me. if the game said ‘’oh their pain doesnt matter bc they didnt suffer as much as siffrin’’ then thatd be one#one thing#but no. siffrin IS held accountable. just not by going through even more trauma than they have#echoed voice#isat spoilers#suicide mention
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gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time
#idk it's so upsetting and discouraging im really tired of it#like bro.... everyone can see what you're doing and#you doing it just communicates that you think im a fucking awful person#if im going to be fine with like someone... putting themselves down for the sake of others#or denying help because thay dont want to be an inconvenience#it just feels rude#if you don't think that i genuinely want to help you#if you think that I'm just fucking pretending or whatever then why are you even here I don't want#a friend who thinks these thoughts about me xd#like#how many times do i have to assure someone#i just feel like shit#it really just feels so shittyyyyyyy#comeonnnnn#people can SEE you people pleasing and doing all that shit#and everybody fucking hates it#it just makes me super uncomfortable and i know it also makes other ppl i know very uncomfortable also#on one hand I don't wanna mention anything to this person because trauma is trauma what the fuck am i#supposed to do about that its just a trauma response but god i have feelings too#i want that person to also consider me because it feels so awful it just taints every single interaction#because it makes me feel like they think im some awful person who's going to be fine#with them carrying all their stuff even though i offered like 5 times and them just pushing themselves aside so i have space#even though im offering to share#AURGHH#it feels so bad#i feel like this every time i spend time with this person or any other person who does this that i know enough to like#recognize the behavior#idk im just tired I can't be putting all my effort#into reassuring every single step it's just sucking all fun out of everything we do together it just feels like shit whatever
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My Stand In Ep 11 of DOOOOOM. Here we go. I have tea, chocolate and a new Labour government to see me through.
I can kinda see where Mike's coming from in the confrontation at the apartment - he doesn't know that Ming's been in love with the same Joe all along.
OH HELLO! Ming's being held at Payu's house. Well, the outside is Payu's house - the inside set is somewhere that doesn't match AT ALL. Odd choice.
Up looks good in his hunger strike bed scene - the mussed hair suits him.
Excellent bit of babygirling in the hospital as well.
I don't get his mum at all though - she's all over the place as far as her allegiances go. Make your mind up darling. And don't even get me started on the patriarch - nasty, abusive old man. Fuck you - I hope both your sons, your daughter and your grandson all abandon you. Die with your money.
And Tong! How low can you go? Not only do you try and use your unborn son as leverage but you then get your SECRETARY to deliver divorce papers before confirming that you only married for money. Mai is well out of it. I'm sure we can find a nice man or woman for her - how about Sol? He's single.
The line 'finally we're together' at 35 mins into the episode heralds absolute disaster of course.
Joe, baby, you're too bloody nice. Shame you didn't know Tong had just had Mai served with divorce papers before pleading that he wanted to see his baby's face. And Tong with his whole he 'wouldn't have let Joe do it if he'd known something would happen' schtick - he literally went there begging Joe to help because they were going to kill him.
Nice to get a reverse mistaken from behind bit though.
Do NOT tell me Tong's going to get a redemption arc. FFS. I want him tortured, reputation destroyed and then thrown off the same cliff Joe fell from. Luckily Ming's dad is maintaining bastard status. Can we yeet him as well?
And then, just when Ming's almost got Joe out of there, his mum fucks up again - first the lawyer to Joe's ma and now the cops? Lady, you really make some terrible decisions.
YOU JUST SHUT UP BLIND DUDE! JOE - DO NOT GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT DAMMIT. THERE'S MORE KISSING TO DO PLUS YOU NEED TO TOP MING AT LEAST ONCE.
Send more chocolate.
#I'm fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.#Narrator: everything was not fine.#My Stand In#My Stand In ep 11#MingJoe#Up Poompat#Poom Phuripan#Love in the Air#I'm kinda glad Mike and Jim didn't become a second couple - it means the focus is fully on Ming and Joe#I'd love to see Inntouch in a romantic role again.#He did a great job in My Engineer against an awful acting partner.#Also I really want to run my fingers through that hair - I bet it would feel excellent.#thai bl#bl series#asianlgbtqdrama#bl drama
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lmao i was like 'i think i'm chill now' and then see WRONG OPINIONS about a CERTAIN GAME and nope I'm still annoyed
#god how does this series/fandom have this effect on me#it's been 10 years#i thought i was fine#i was wrong lmao#SO WRONG#granted everything is awful right now#i don't know what tf going on with my cat#and our vet is supposed to call us by COB today but clock's ticking#MY medication is also fucked right now and i was supposed to have a refill today but it got pushed back#now im depressed and i cant make anything but i also can't just relax#husbando and i are both miserable bc we're so worried about ares and we're starting to snip at each other#and um just kinda feeling like the last idk 4 years have been a never-ending series of trials and tribulations#and i would very much like a break :)#if that's not too much to ask for thank you#t: wench.txt#eta - in case i need to clarify im being facetious about wrong opinions#they're just ~*different*~ from mine
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dorm head's first pocky💖
(click for better quality!)
#my art#twisted wonderland#riddle rosehearts#ace trappola#ridoace#it's still nov 11 in my timezone so!!#ridoace pocky!!#still in awe of how sexy ace's expression is btw#riddle is having a heart attack and SO AM I#wow the handwriting got crunched#and also u can tell where i gave up on riddle's cursive LMAO#but it's fine everything is fine bc i have them <33#edit: my dumb ass forgot to blur the bg
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#my Florida shirt just got taken down from Etsy for no fucking reason#Taylor's team just CHUCKED the book at me and fucking LIED in their report to Etsy about it#said I infringed on their trademarks for Lover 1989 and Reputation in their report#and I used.... NONE OF THOSE THINGS. NOT ONE.#that shirt has (obviously) nothing to do with any of those albums even#not in the metadata not in the tags not in the SEO nothing#and since it had no tags of those things it didn't pop up in a sweep and get auto-taken down. it was targeted by them & they manually did i#that design is SO by the book legally and bc of how successful it is I've worked VERY hard to make it that way. even in the SEO#and I mean everything in my shop I go out of my way to make legal but#like that is probably the most actually black and white legal piece of fan merch I've ever seen in my fucking life#but I can't fight back because if I fight back.. if they want it down the next option is prove to Etsy that they're SUING ME#so like. yeah not trying to fuck around and find out there#and that is awful for multiple reasons.#1. I have lost like 90% of my income for the rest of the year. I've grown to rely on income from that shirt as I should bc IT'S FINE#2. it's about to be the holidays. this makes 1 worse and also - people will be searching for this shirt bc it's on ppls holiday wishlists#they now won't be able to find mine#and will therefore google it and buy one of the MILLION FUCKING STOLEN VERSIONS WHICH ARE STILL UP BY THE WAY#and 3. I can't even have these stolen versions taken down anymore because I don't have a leg to stand on since the real thing now doesn't-#exist to prove it's mine#I want to fucking throw up like idk how to do anything other than be sobbing in a fucking ball on the floor#like this is probably the 2nd worst thing that has happened to me in my life lmao#like this shirt was single-handedly paying my rent every month and I had other income but. that shirt was my cushioning#my whole Etsy shop is FUCKED without it like absolutely fucked it was carrying the whole entire thing#I'm scared to upload or DO anything else w my Etsy even because if they just made up lies to get that shirt down#then I am SURE they've got something against me or my shop#and like fucking WHY I work so hard to make everything FAIR AND RIGHT#I worked so fucking hard on that shirt that thing was like my child like my actual full pride and joy#I want to scream I don't even know what to do with myself#it feels like someone just shoved me into a room shut the lights off locked the door and threw away the key#that shirt has been like probably the proudest achievement of my life like no joke and everything I've put into it & my Etsy just got kille
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I have been trying to get Echo comfortable with the crate slowly. I have been trying to prepare her for me being away from the house for work during the day eventually. Unfortunately, it's not going well at all, and I am gonna have to just start crating her when I am gone for more than an hour. I can't let her keep destroying stuff. I know she is scared of being in the crate. But this is not gonna work. I do not have the ability to keep doing this slowly. Not when she does things like this. I was only gone for less than 6 hours. And it's not like she's destroying the whole house. She also doesn't do this every time I leave. It seems arbitrary. One time, she even did it when I was gone for 10 minutes, and literally right before I had left, we had gone for a run. And it's always small, inexpensive things. But the muzzle was the last straw. That's a major inconvenience for me now.
#barkin up some trees#i feel like i cannot go anywhere#like at all#i am basically trapped at home or i have to take my dog with me#and like she is mostly fine when i leave!!!!#sometimes she just picks something small to chew up and leave by the front door#i cant spend evenings with my boyfriend at his house because of thus#*this#and i feel bad because we are ALWAYS at my house#my dogs dictate literally everything#i am going to spend christmas alone for the first time this year because i have no family and my boyfriends family is out of town#so he will be away and i will be here alone because i cant take the dogs along and i have nobody to take care of them for me#i had such an awful fucking day at work today#and this just really isnt what i needed#i cant deal with this properly when i am stressed and upset#i am mad at her rn#i am really mad at her#and she knows it#shes super sensitive to my emotions#i cannot hide it from her#its also hard to hide it when i was already so over my own threshold for the day#i feel so fucking awful today#and boyfriend made a nice supper and we watched a movie and cuddled and it was so nice and i was able to relax#but then the moment i come in the door its all ruined#if it had been something else i wouldnt have been as upset#this sucks
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Okay I'm gonna stop talking about him now but todd rundgren is just everything to me cuz who else could have made my all time favorite snappy 3 minute power pop anthem and my all time favorite 30 minute sidelong prog rock epic within 2 years of eachother
#also just like duh but i will never stop being in awe of his production techniques and sonic experimentation and like#the way he did Everything on so many of his records#which is nothing to say of him producing so many of my favorite records by other people 😭 fuckkkkk#i dont know why the last two days he jumped to the front of my mind again like ive been crazy about him for a year#but sometimes i think about him too hard and black out for a few days but ill be fine now.
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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces
#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well#considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all#in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story#yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount#and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops#but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me#i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative#which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career#im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation#:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long#but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is#anyway . im taking it well
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hhhhhhhhhh gonna try to finish my assignment today (tonight* it’s almost midnight here;;) so i can order sushi and gyoza and binge trigun all day tmrw…
#TAT#pls … give me ur strength#it’s this awful compensatory assignment#that i could not care less abt#as long as i half ass it i should be fine ;;#anyway i wanna binge trigun aaand skip to loafer#and then !!! i also wanna read fics :3 and answer dms (sorry im so slow sobs … ily mutuals)#lots to do ;;;;#but if i work hard and reward myself tmrw everything should be fine …#ari noises ✩
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Wondering if a fic in which Amity thinks Luz 'forgot' about her (don't know why, maybe she and Hunter were away for a long time) could work well (by that I mean produce quality Lumiter being stupid moments), I mean it somewhat adds another layer for Amity that is sort of "Luz WAS too good to be true for me".
if it's with the Terrible Kidnapping Premise then i'm not sure i can see amity thinking luz has forgotten her specifically.... but her thinking luz has been brainwashed and needs rescuing, even if she won't understand why amity cares?? and amity being braced to deal with All Of That?? Delicious.
amity eventually after like many many months of failed attempts or whatever busting down a door and actually getting to luz like "HELLOOOO....! SO WE NEVER DTR'ED AND I TECHNICALLY MEAN NOTHING TO YOU AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU EVEN KNOW MY NAME BUT YOUR BOYFRIEND! IS! EVIL! LET'S GOOO!"
then hunter walks in. who as mentioned has had many many months at this point to get to know luz. and before amity can even skewer him, he's like oh. thank the titan. Get Her Out Of Here Immediately .
amity: what?? aren't you going to fight me. she's your girlfriend...??
hunter: No. Please For The Love Of Fuck Get Her Out Of Here Right Fucking Now. Thank You Byeeeee
#even funnier if by this point hunter genuinely has developed romantic feelings for luz but#1) he has NO way to tell how much of it is circumstantial and survivalism 2) he has no intention of ever pursuing her ever#given the. everything they've been through at that point.#so hunter is just like. yes she's my girlfriend yes i love her yes i'm evil. can you please whisk her away and do things that are not evil.#thanks.#meanwhile amity is like okay what happens to YOU if luz disappears#and hunter's like. Shrug Emoji#luz: amity you can't leave him. belos will kill him. amity trust me you can't-#hunter: i can take care of myse-#amity: i will now be stealing both my crush who i was going to ask out and who's kinda sorta my girlfriend & also her boyfriend. alright.#This Is Fine#replies#toh#lumiter#i need a tag for this probably.#awful lunter posting#<-yeah thatll do it#horrible mindscape trauma pals#and who is that other witch#shitty idiot repression gang
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Dreamtale pet peeve
When people claim that Nightmare killing Dream and taking the apple is the best ending? Like? What? No! If that happens the entire multiverse is plugned in darkness and dispair. No more happiness or joy or happy ending lots of dead people. And I'm just sitting here like how? How is that the best possible ending for people?
Does everyone just hate happy endings that much? That they want to suck all positivity from a fiction multiverse.
favoritism is the poison of fiction consumption 🤷♂️ so many people lose media literacy and reading comprehension if it's all about the fave
#Anonymous#me yapping about this but also me completely losing all braincells upon sight of ink#also not to get psychological but it's like lethargic for people from what ive seen#people prefer bad endings (comma) angst (comma) hurt no comfort#bc simply theyre not ready for it yet! whether for personal reasons or they just like consuming fiction that way#which is fine! i just hope they don't push it on other people to make everything their preferred tropes#- sincerely (comma) a previous hurt no comfort enjoyer in the middle of my awful teen years#dreamtale crit
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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don’t be fooled by my undying love for kara danvers, i hated like, half of the decisions the writers made regarding the show’s lore. i find kara to be one for the few characters who actually got better as the show progressed (which is how character development works). she started out more shy and grew into a confident, capable and a well-respected woman. she made some real change and helped a lot of people outside of her superhero suit. the show had a great balance between kara danvers and supergirl. my love is for her story and character development, and her story and character development only. oh, and alex and j’onn! they were pretty neat too!
#i love everything about kara danvers and her story and that’s about almost all i like about the show lol#obviously there are other things i like but kara is the main MAIN#supergirl#kara danvers#nia kelly and will we’re actually pretty neat too#were*#but they didn’t get enough development imo and deserved more screen time#i liked andre too but she’s in the same boat the other three#andrea*#guys sorry but i literally hated the deo#and so did kara lol she was so sick of it#she was literally glowing once j’onn and alex left#and she didn’t have to go there just so she could work with her family#shoutout to that old man who destroyed it#i also hated cat grant and catco during her time as a ceo#literally everyone after her was a better ceo#catco in s4 and s5 was PEAK#honestly cbs!supergirl was awful all around#and the rest of the show was spent fixing their mistakes#i’m actually a cbs!supergirl hater#when i say i like the show#i mean the cw one#and up till the end of s5#but then again i don’t mess with s6 so#well 6x01 - 6x07 was fine#but anything else was like horrible and i don’t acknowledge it as canon and a part of the story
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he has. some complexes
#psy2k#sister hes referring to is thalia (formerly dion)#uggghhhhh just. as an adult raz somehow gets worse adjusted. He refuses to adress a lot of stuff thats been building up over the years#and hes just reluctant in general to get anyones help.#lotta internal screaming and accidentally repeating a lot of mistakes the psi6 made in the past despite obsessively trying to avoid it#also. imposter syndrome!#he doesnt feel like he deserves any of the good things he has and feels like such a whiny bitch sometimes.#like in his job he sees so many people who are so much worse off than him with better attitudes he feels guilty for even complaining#even if that complaining is venting about feeling burnt out or depressed#he has some pretty bad insecurities in the “its fine if it happens to anyone else but its literally awful if it happens to me” vein#like he hates gaining weight or taking a break of any kind#but doesnt mind it and insists its ok in anyone else#“everyone is perfect in everything they do except for me. if I make any mistake im the worst person ever.”#and instead of working it out he decides using an emotional distiller to get everything out is a better idea
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